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Waits posted 4/13/2013 21:42 PM
Me 37 year old Husband
Her 35 Year old Wife
Him 30 something OM
Background: Wife is diagnosed Bi-Polar 2, was already struggling with depression yet on steady medication for years. She quit a high pay, high stress financial job in June and was searching for her next thing ever since. She and I have been very active Yogi's for years.
We have been married for 3.5 years, been together for 4.5 years.
My wife left me without warning the morning when I arrived home from a week long work trip. We weren't fighting, we had a great relationship. There was no prior discussion or warning that we even "had to talk".
Now she was not working and spent her days only doing ashtanga yoga 6 days a week from 7am-9am. She is trained as a yoga teacher as am I. The one thing I did notice over the past couple months is that she was becoming more and more obsessed with Ashtanga and it was all she would talk about. She kept telling me lots of stuff was "coming up" for her but she couldn't even begin to explain it. She kept urging me to go back to yoga, incessantly. I had injured my back doing yoga, had a herniated disc, 2 steroid spinal injections and 6 months of physical therapy before I could walk without pain. I was apprehensive about going back to classes.
So, I arrive home late on a Friday night, she leaves food out for me, tells me she can't wait to see me. She was asleep when I got home, I went to bed. I wake up the next morning, sit on the couch. She comes over to me and says, "I fucked up our marriage. I had an emotional affair with OM for the last month, I think I'm in love with him, I've never felt this way about anyone before, if you weren't in the picture we'd be dating right now. Our lives are going in two different directions now. I want someone to do yoga with, I want a baby now, I want to travel to India to do yoga 3 months a year, I want to move out of the city."
Shock ensued. I knew she was hanging out with this yoga teacher. I knew the guy, we use to go to his classes together. He's met me and he knows she is married. Apparently she confessed her love to him while I was away, he told her hue wouldn't get involved with her because HE didn't want to get hurt because she was married.
My wife continues on saying "That she is the happiest she's ever been, she has her emotions back, her depression of 30 years has lifted, she watched it go. She truly wants a baby now and believes she can be a great mother now." We decided before being married that we both were adamant about not wanting kids, we even two months prior to this would talk about how great our life is together and how we don't have to deal with the stress of kids, we have a lot of friends without kids, etc. 4 months into our marriage I had a vasectomy. We went to joint therapy together before I had the procedure to talk it through and make sure it was the right decision.
So she continues to tell me that "She doesn't want to force me to have a kid, to do yoga, to move out of the city. I'll be so much happier without her, she knows I'm not happy with her. I'm going to go on and do great things, She loves me so much, our marriage is the most precious thing to her, I am perfect, Our marriage was the best thing that ever happened to her and I mean the world to her." She swore to me that nothing physical happened between her and the OM. She wasn't expecting the affair to happen but it did.
I told her that this isn't real, she's known him for a month, that we're always going to meet people in our lives that we're drawn to but you don't cross that line because you're married. I said that I believe this is a complete manic episode and that you do yoga to enhance the life you have, yoga should not become your life. She got all upset saying that it has helped her so much, she so much more herself now and completely fearless. (now a few months prior she didn't leave bed all day for weeks, watching TV with no idea what she wanted to do with herself).
I told her she is not living in reality, she created a fantasy and a completely new persona around it. She became a different person. She cut off all ties to friends that would disagree with her. I told her that what she did was the most selfish, self centered thing she could have possibly done, that she cares about nothing but herself and no amount of yoga has ever changed that. She said "You're Right".
I told her that she decided the course of our marriage, she decided how I was going to feel, she decided all of this in a bubble and I had no voice in this at all. I told her that she can tell me all these reasons why she thinks our lives are going in two different directions but essentially you're just leaving me for this other guy. She said " That's a simplistic way of looking at it" I asked her so what now? You are going to start dating him now? She said, yeah I think we will, he feels the same way and yes we will be together but why does that matter?
She kept harping on wanting a baby. I told her that she picked the one non negotiable aspect of our marriage and used it as her way out and to justify her actions.
So that was Saturday, she left Sunday morning. We spoke again Tuesday night. I thought we were going to try and work things out, I had a list of things I wanted her to do, like a NC with OM, go back to therapy etc.
She arrives, tells me that again she really wants a baby, she feels so much more herself. She has her emotions back. I told her she was completely delusional and she was doing way to much yoga and nothing else with her life, she is fanatical and low grade cult behavior. She of course did not agree, in bi-polar they are always in denial that they're going through it. She told she saw her Psychiatrist the night before, he told her that she is in a great place right now, she is doing really well, he hasn't seen her this well in a long time and "Things Just Happen".
At which point I flipped out, saying how there was no way she told him the truth, there is no way a competent psych could think that leaving me without so much as a discussion/warning was a good idea. She has no job, no idea what she is going to do with herself, Saying that things just happen is complete bullshit, that resolves you of any responsibility for your actions. Things don't just happen, we make decisions and we create the causes for all things in our life. She said, if you don't believe me here's his number, call him. She asked me if after hearing all these things from her if I really wanted to try to work it out? I told her fuck no.
I want you out of here. Of course in the middle of all this she keeps telling me how much I mean to her, how much she loves me, how great things will be for me. How perfect our marriage was and it means the world to her. We had such a beautiful like together.
I said you're not doing yoga, your missing the whole point, you think your "heart is open" but nobody with an open heart would ripped mine apart in this way. You have no compassion, no empathy, you walked away without so much as a goodbye. She told she didn't want to drag it out because it wouldn't have gotten us anywhere. I said we could have at least spent a day on it, a few hours? You made up your mind before you even told me what was going on.
So that was the end of it, 3 days after she told me it was over, she was gone. We talked about it for about 2 hours total.
We get together the following Saturday to talk about how the divorce plans will work. She comes over, completely cold and starts telling me that this is how it works according to the law, we had a short term marriage and the courts will put us back to where we were before we got together. You're only entitled to a small portion of my 401k that accrued during the time we were together, since I'm not working now you will probably owe me spousal support. She wants me to continue to pay our health insurance premium, our phone bills, and the entire rent of our apartment even though she is also on the lease. ( the apartment is very expensive btw) I told her she is out of her fucking mind if she thinks I'm paying for her to live her life with another man, pay her bills, pay for her to go to yoga, and let her just walk away like nothing happened. I told her you are leaving me for another man and you expect me to pay for it? There is no way your getting a dime from me.
She had a split second of reality flash before her eyes and completely changed her tune, never mentioned it again. I said this is how its gonna work. We're going to split the health insurance, the phone bill, I'm going to tell you what I want from your 401k, you have until the end of the month to move all your furniture and belongings out of this house and I want a divorce from you as soon as possible. She conceded. We agreed and that was that. 1 week after I found out.
More craziness ensues: She calls me a week later to schedule our tax appointment and starts telling me how great I am, how perfect our life was together, it means so much to her. She isn't going to get married again. She is still going to wear her wedding ring and she wants to keep my name because it means so much to her.
Again I tell that what she is saying is extremely hurtful, I'm already on the floor yet you keep kicking me. How can you think that I would want to hear any of this from you while you're out fucking this OM? She another brief flash of reality and apologized realized what she was doing and decided to double the amount of money she was giving me.
A few days later my Birthday roles around, In my head I just want her to have the sense to leave it alone, not even acknowledge it. Yet I get to work and low and behold an email from her arrives. She writes me the craziest love poem about how a beautiful person was born on this day and how much she cares for me, how I'm going to do so many great things, how beautiful I am, how much I've touched her life, etc. etc. I reply telling her that she has no right to send this and I wish would take her head out of her ass for one second and realize that she is doing this not for me but to help her feel better about her awful actions. I told her If you loved me the way you say you do you would never have treated me in this way. There are many many ways to go about doing what you did but you chose the worst way possible. You just vanished from my life like we never existed. I said I want nothing to do with you, you will not keep my name, and I want a divorce as soon as possible. You wanted a new life you got it.
We are out of contact for days/week. Work finally calms down for me and I have some downtime and all it hits me like a truck. I was totally distraught, curled up in a ball on the floor every night of the week crying my eyes out. I was so lost, confused, trying to make sense of something that has none.
I don't know what to do but I knew I had to see her again, it's been 2 weeks. I felt that she moved on to her new life and flipped the switched off on ours like it never happened. One day we were spending everyday of our lilies together and the next she was gone. The most horrible disorienting feeling in the world. I felt like someone ripped my arm off and I was trying to find out where it went.
She agrees to meet me out at a cafe. I immediately break down, trying to figure out how she could do this, especially in the way that she did. (She was married once before and her ex husband did this exact same thing to her, he just got up from the table, said I can't do this anymore and walked out the door). She said I know how you feel, I said how could you do this to another human being, knowing how devastating it is. She said her doctor told her to do it quickly and cleanly. She said she got over her ex quickly, in a year. Which I know from the stories she told me and from her friends that is a lie. She couldn't even function in the world, speak, catatonic for years. I told her I will never understand how you can do this to me and I probably never will but I wanted to see you so you can face the reality of what you're doing, I feel you got off easy and left. You didn't even give me chance to say goodbye. Again she told me that she would always be there for me, she loved me so much, she would do anything for me. All this crazy shit. The meeting helped me make the situation a little less surreal. Though I was still a wreck.
I tell her I need to see her again this past saturday. She agrees and comes over. At this point I have not been able to stop thinking about her and him together, walking up in the middle of the night dreaming about it, 24/7 thinking about what is really happening here.
I tell her I need to know if your with him now, if your dating. She wouldn't tell me, she kept asking why it mattered? I told her because its the only reason you left me that makes any sense at all. You left me for another man and you won't admit it. So she eventually tells me that they are in fact together.
I tell her thats why its been so easy for you to walk away of which she denied that it was easy. She told me she would have rather been hit by a bus and killed than tell me she did this to me. It would have been easier.
I told her again that she is in denial, there is no way your psychiatrist knows the truth, there is no way he told you this was going to work out for you. You are making really bad choices with your life right now and its going to crash and burn, don't expect me to pick up the pieces.
You did the worst thing you can possibly do in a marriage and you did in the absolute worst way, total evil. you just turned off the switch of our life like it never even happened. She whole heartedly believes that she is in the best place and that the universe will provide. That all of sudden she doesn't care about money and she is doing great. I asked her if this how she wanted her life to be, if she thought she was making good, healthy choices and if this is truly what she wanted. She said Yes. After that I knew there was no way in. I tried everything I could, told her the reality of the situation, she got so visibly upset with what I was saying that she had to leave, she told me she was going to throw up all over my floor. That she is running out on me but she can't stay because she is so sick.
And that as they say, was that. I have an appointment on Tuesday to fill out the divorce paperwork.
I also should add that I contacted the OM's ex girlfriend whom I know. He broke up with her a few months before this happened. I told her my wife left me for him and I thought it was unethical as a yoga teacher to be involved with your students, befriend your students especially a married one that is emotionally unstable.
She emailed the OM and ripped into him about how this is going to ruin his reputation as a yoga teacher and what the hell was he doing? My wife finds out about this and now she and the OM are starting to worry that I am going to do something. Tell the leader of they're yoga organization what they are actually doing and cause a great stir in the closed off community that it is. I have no plans at this time to do that. I feel that with or without me getting involved they are going crash and burn, that bomb is gonna blow, I don't need to light the fuse here. If I feel that telling the teacher is going to help me heal, I will do it, if it won't I will not. I would also do it in confidence and only ask the he listen and do whatever he see's fit, which may mean nothing but at least you know what is happening in your studio.
I have been getting very angry the past few days. I left a voicemail for my wife telling how pissed I was at her and how disappointed I am in how she treated our relationship, in her actions, her words, and her new boyfriend as well. That I didn't know how she slept at night and I will never understand why she did this.
She than emailed me saying we should only speak with a therapist involved, I told her I wouldn't talk to hers because I feel he is incompetent. So after more thought I decided this would do nothing to heal me and it would only give her an outlet. She is in a completely irrational state right now. I don't want to be in the same room with her. She will turn everything around on me and I will become even more upset. I will not put myself through that.
I will not call her again or express my anger to her because I know her and the OM are now worried I will do something to them. And really I can't decide if I should be mad at the OM or warn him. He has no idea what he is getting himself into and if he doesn't realize that by now, well then he deserves what he gets.
Today WS emails me again saying she has a favor to ask me... Obviously I can do whatever I want, she says. Also, She knows I want to hurt her. She knows I want to hurt the OM. However She asks that I please don't bring innocent ppl like the OM's EX into this. To Direct my anger at her. She is the one I should be angry with. This is between her and I. She ended the marriage, she made the decision. She says that she knows I would like the yoga community to know what a horrible person She is. But she asks that I refrain from calling her employers and future employers until after we meet with my Therapist.
That I can do whatever I want but please try to see that causing her pain and hurting her chances of working is not going to ease mine.
Then she says, I know you hate living in our apartment, I will help you take on the financial burden of staying there or moving out. I want us to stop causing each other more pain.
Now what I see in this email is, don't tell anyone the truth about my actions and I'll give you money (what money is what I would like to know). I also never told her I wanted to hurt either her or the OM. I also never told her I was going to call any of her employers/yoga teachers. She is projecting her fears onto me. There is not one hint in here that she is sorry, or even feels bad. All she is worried about now is that her fantasy world is going to come crashing down because people will know the truth of her actions. All she is caring about still, is herself and the fantasy she is trying to live. She is still trying to control how I act and manipulate the situation to fit her own needs. All of sudden when she is feeling pain and suffering we need to "stop hurting each other". Such bullshit.
I think my best course of action right now is to completely ignore any attempts she makes to contact me, ignore all emails. Meet with the divorce place on Tuesday, fill out the paperwork and have her served. Cut all ties and send a Do Not Contact letter to her. Whenever she opens her mouth it hurts me, I need to be far away from her. I need to live my life free of this madness.
The crazy part is all this occurred within 1 month.
So that's the story. I'm pissed, I'm sad, I'm disappointed, I'm a lot of things. I did get some great advice from my support network. One guy told me his crazy story and how it affected him for year. He said the only thing that saved him from driving himself insane was to "Stop trying to figure it out" There is no way to logically figure out an illogical situation and it makes your mind spin and spin because there's no sense to it. You can't make sense of it, so just stop trying to figure it out. I put signs up all over my apartment that read " Stop Trying to Figure It Out" I believe the next step/sign will read "Just Let it Go"
This entire situation is crazy and I truly believe my wife at her best is mentally ill. I just wish she could see what she's become now but she truly believes she is living her truth right now. It's ashame because I don't think she knows herself at all and she creates fantasies about what she thinks her true self is and stops at nothing to become just that. Leaving her past persona and all the collateral damage in its wake.
Life always has ways of reminding you that the only thing you can count on is change.
Thanks for listening.
Take2 posted 4/13/2013 22:25 PM
Well Wait - welcome, sorry your are here. Your friend is right there is no understanding crazy...
You can however, with practice, get better at reading between the lines, or maybe I'm getting cocky... Here's what I think you are dealing with:
This started a few months ago just before OM broke up with his gf. Your wife certainly sounds like she is in a manic phase - if she takes meds... sounds like she is off them (related to the new yoga maybe?)
As to a D, and SS...? I was a SAHM for 15 years on DDay - married 30 years. SS was going based on a percentage of our incomes with it figured that I had a minimum wage job (whether I had one or not)... What happens is very much a state to state thing! Look into it!
And check out the Healing Library - the other guys will be along shortly (though weekends can be slow). To me it sounds like you are doing the only thing you can - protect yourself! Don't put anything in writing you wouldn't want brought into court (just in case).
Eat something! Anything! Smoothies, ensure... be sure you are getting plenty of fluids. You may be looking at a quick D - but whatever happens this is an emotional and physical marathon! Start taking care of you!
((Wait)) It will get better - just takes ....time.
[This message edited by Take2 at 10:27 PM, April 13th (Saturday)]
Jrazz posted 4/13/2013 22:39 PM
Welcome to SI, Waits. I'm so sorry you find yourself here, but you've come to a great place for support.
Even though this is all so fresh for you, it's a very advanced step in healing to realize that you can't make sense of this. You can't change it, you can't make it go away, you can only learn what you need out of a partner on the other side of this, and whether your WS is going to be a part of your healing or a hindrance.
Please don't worry about warning or helping the OM. He carved his own path out here. If he's going to consort with another man's wife he can deal with the consequences.
You just take care of YOU. Find yourself and your truth - and don't let her tell you what makes you happy or what's good for you.
hailstormer posted 4/13/2013 22:54 PM
"Ignore" in your story is exactly what you need to do
Go to the Healing Library and look under BS for the 180 and start doing it immediately.
As hard as it is to ignore her cause you'll miss her terribly it will also flip her out that you have no desire to talk to her or see her and listen to her demands. Now you are in charge and because you do not have kids that means you can make arrangements on your schedule and when your ready.
Start working on getting stronger and take care of yourself right now your the one you need to focus on.
Believe me I know I just recently got up off the floor and I was married for 19 years. Now my BS (even though he left to be with his "friend")tries to call me on every phone he can and I never answer. He will then call me at work cause he knows I have to answer the phone and I listen for a minute and if the conversation isn't going the way I want I hang up on him. We always thought that was sooo rude to do to people but I find that I am better when I don't talk to him because after our conversations of him blaming everything on me and re-writing our marriage history I then go for days afterwards of being miserable and completely devastated.
Good Luck and listen to the messages from this site the suggestions are excellent and right on.
Hey we have been there too.
jimbo25319 posted 4/14/2013 00:33 AM
Welcome mate. If you listen to no one else, listen to your friends here. No one here is going to steer you wrong.
There is a great deal of wonderful info in the Healing Library. Read it, read it, then read it some more.
IMO, unless it pertains to your D, you have NO reason to communicate with this woman. So don't. If you get any more of her self serving emails, hit delete. Do not reply. Same if she texts. If she calls, don't answer, straight to voicemail.
Listen, there stands a good chance reality is going to set in and her fantasy world will come crashing down. Hopefully you'll be D'd by then, because she's going to come running back hoping you'll rescue her. IMO I think for you, she needs to stay gone. You deserve better.
stronger08 posted 4/14/2013 05:08 AM
Welcome to the club brother. It sucks to be here, but its the best place for healing and advice. Change the names and the circumstances of the A and I can tell you that whats happening to you has happened to everyone of us here. There is nothing unique with your situation. There is nothing unique about affairs in general. They pretty much follow the same boring, unbelievable script. I say this not to lessen your pain, but to let you know your not alone in what has happened. Shit, on this site there are almost 40,000 people with the same problem. What your experiencing is a classic case of what we call the fog. Her head is so far up her ass she cant see reality. Her and the OM have built up this fantasy life where there are no real life issues and everything is butterflies and unicorns. Sure we will run away to India for 3 months each year to study yoga and be at peace with the world. They will have wild tantric sex and finally be able to find spirtitual contentment. Sounds great, dont it ?
But lets look at the reality of all this. Who the hell is going to finance these excursions ? Whats going to happen when they return from the land of the lost and reality smacks them dead in the face ? And what exactly will they do when they get those pesky little things each month in the form of bills and other financial obligations ? Im sure in their heads they have some half assed plan in place. He will continue to teach Yoga of course. And she will go back into the work force and make big bucks once again. But lets face it, fantasies cost money. Big money at that. And what job will enable them to take 3 months off each year while they go off to India to find themselves ? And all of this is under the slim chance that the OM is on the same page as she is. No, its most likely that the OM is just feeding her a line of shit in order to get laid without the responsibilities that come along with a real relationship. He wants to poach off your land for awhile and she is so wrapped up in the fantasy she thinks this is real. The dude like most predators is in a position of power of sorts. Like the proverbial tennis instructor, personal trainer etc. I'll bet my left nut that he has pulled this game on other married women before. Most likely with the same line of shit he is giving your WW. She thinks she is special and that OM is the best thing to come along since toilet paper. But shes not, she is just another notch in his belt just like all the rest.
And the way your feeling is perfectly normal. We all have been there my man. Your in a panic now that your life has been turned around 180 degrees. You want things back the way they were. You want your old W back and things can go back to normal. Understandable and consistent with most BS early on. Fact is things will never be the same. Even if she comes back home today there will always be this 800 lb Gorilla in the room. And he does not go away. Sure you can ignore him but at the worst times he pops his ugly head up and reminds you of whats really going on. Nope, life as you knew it is over. She crossed the line over to infidelity and sadly there is no going back. So what can you do now ? Well I think your attitude in setting her straight about finances is great. Damn right your not gonna sit back while some other guy screws your WW on your dime. You need to expand on that line of thinking here. Nothing kills a fantasy more then a good dose of reality and truth. Cut her loose, allow her to have him, pack her fucking bags and drop them on his doorstep. See an attorney and find out your rights and responsibilities. File for D and dont stand there taking her shit. Let her experience the consequences of her actions. My guess is that the OM will run for the hills sooner than later. Sure he will give her some dramatic excuse why he cant be with her. But honestly who cares. He may even go to India with her. On her dime of course. But after he has drained her of what he can get. Both sexually and financially I might add. He is going to dump her. And her bullshit line that they did not have sex prior to her asking to leave you is just that, bullshit.
What you need to do is take a tough and stern approach here. Even while your heart is breaking this must be done. WS thrive on weakness and will suck the life out of you if your not carefull. If you show any sign of hurt and/or pain she will pick up on this and walk all over you. What you need to do is take care of yourself right now. Its not that easy my friend, but you need to make yourself the #1 priority here. Heal yourself, see a Dr if needed, lean on a support system, take time off if you have to. Inform your employer of whats going on. Your work is going to suffer big time. They need to know whats happening. Otherwise you might lose you job here as well. Protect yourself first and foremost. Two things are going to happen. Either she will come out of the fog or she wont. Prepare for that as well. If she wants the fantasy give it to her. With all the real life consequences that go along with it. Expose the A to anyone you feel needs to know. Tell the truth and things fall into place. Personally I'd go after the OM professionally. Let his students know what a POS he really is. Same goes for your WW. As I said chances are he will dump her ass quickly. And chances are she will come crawling back to you with her pleas for forgiveness. Well, if that happens you need to make her earn her way back in if our inclined to do so. Not with words but with actions. Make sure she finds out why she felt is was okay to do this. Make her work her ass off to become a better W. Perhaps at that point you dont want her back ? There is nothing wrong with that either. Affairs comes with possibility of losing your spouse. You are under no obligation to take her back. Make the A as difficult as possible. Dont brake the law in doing so. Hold your head up high as you did nothing wrong here. She is the offender. And she must face the consequences of her actions. Pleas keep posting and reading.
[This message edited by stronger08 at 5:36 AM, April 14th (Sunday)]
Laura28 posted 4/14/2013 05:22 AM
Hi Waits
So sorry you had to join us here honey. I have read your story and have no words of advice or wisdom.
She is so far in the fog she can't see an inch in front of her. Maybe she will wake up, maybe she won't.
Looking objectively at your story I hope she doesn't. I don't mean to sound cruel.
What I see is a man with integrity who is with a very screwed up woman.
I know this is all so painful. But from your story I think any future with her will just bring more pain. Tomorrow she may be remorseful and the next she will be off in farting unicorns and sparkles land. You are young. Please consider cutting ties and finding a woman who will appreciate you.
summerain posted 4/14/2013 09:14 AM
You have been given some amazing advice.
I just wanted to quote what stronge 08 said, because it is your first point of call in my opinion
Personally I'd go after the OM professionally. Let his students know what a POS he really is. Same goes for your WW. As I said chances are he will dump her ass quickly. And chances are she will come crawling back to you with her pleas for forgiveness.
Make the A as difficult as possible.
Good luck
hopefulmother posted 4/14/2013 09:15 AM
So sorry for you. She keeps telling you how much she cares about you still (fog). She and the OM are living in a fantasy. But, that doesn't make anything any easier on you. You deserve better. Good for you in putting your foot down about the finances. If I were you, I would hire a moving van and drop her stuff off at the OM's place. Right now, she cares about herself and the fantasy that the OM is making for her. Don't give her a place to come back to.
As far as children goes, she may be truthful about that. My H and I didn't want children either. But, we changed our minds 4 yrs into our M. We had been together married and as a couple for 8 yrs and really believed we never wanted children. I was 34. It just changed. She may be having a lot of issues with the children department. If she has changed her mind, then let her go. If you stayed together, she would resent you for taking that opportunity from her. Your lives have taken different paths. It just so awful how she went about doing it. Chances are she has been thinking about children for a long time and knows your standpoint on it. She just seems like the type of person that can't move on with her life unless she has someone else lined up to share it with her first. I would still tell his boss.
realitybites posted 4/14/2013 09:39 AM
For sure their A started much sooner then you realize. No one just up and leaves without someone on the other side....this is sadly typical A behavior. You got blindsided and had no clue because she was planning and scheming behind your back. The OM probably dumped his girlfriend early and waited for your WW to do the same thing. And she keeps talking about having a baby? Are you sure she is not pregnant already?
I mean I know these are weird things to think about right now but sadly again we have seen it all on here.
I agree that your anger is helping you try to stay firm with her and uphold your boundries. Many linger for a long time and don't get to that point so good for you. Won't make it any less painful but it will help you from feeling crazy every time you talk to her.
Let all calls go to voicemail like others have said. I would put my then WS ringtone on silent so I would not look to pick it up all the time.
Hang in there.
Waits posted 4/14/2013 11:59 AM
Thank You all for the great advice. To clear a few things up, when we talked of the divorce plans after the first week of her gone I told her I'm, not paying any of your bills, you will have all your belongings out of the house before the end of the month and we will be getting a divorce as soon as possible.
Two weeks later she moved all her stuff into storage, found an apartment, she moves in May 1st. She cashed in a bunch of her 401k to live off of (which will not last that long considering the penalties she paid). I got the keys back from her the day she moved out and told my building she is not allowed access or entry.
The thing with her is, she doesn't call or contact me. In fact for the first month it was all about finances and health insurance. She emails me very seldom. When she walked out it was like she never existed and neither did our marriage. If I didn't contact her a few weeks later to get some answers I don't think I would have seen her again. She flipped off the switch and moved on without so much as a goodbye. I read all about the fog and I couldn't believe it, she is exactly that. Exactly.
The only reason she has contacted me this week is because she fears I will tell a lot of people the truth. I am on the fence about it.
I also know from a mutual friend that my wife is wanting a divorce immediately. After finding that out my thought was to prolong the process and make her wait but she is so crazy right now I feel that I want to be legally free of her before she crashes and burns. I figure she is agreeing to my terms right now, I don't know how long that will last. If she ends up in India I don't want to have to locate her to serve her papers.
I feel that the best thing I can do for myself right now is completely ignore her, cut all ties of communication. File the divorce papers ( I have a meeting on Tuesday to do that) and have her served. Whenever I see her or talk to her in anyway she hurts me. Just looking at her in this state, she literally looks crazy, glazed over eyes talking yoga nonsense about how the Universe will provide and she doesn't care about money anymore. How great a mother she will be. Her story about wanting a kid maybe true but god help that baby. She will make a terrible mother, so self absorbed and uncaring.
She is not interested in trying to help me heal, and I already said everything I could say to her. She has nothing to add. Nothing but complete nonsense.
I truly believe she has no idea who she really is as a person because her core belief system changes so often, she creates personas of what she believes is herself and adapts all behavior according to that persona. It is in fact really creepy to be around her because she is literally a different person. She believes her story so much. She told her friend yesterday how great her life is, she is so happy now, her depression is gone. There is no way into her now. She severed the cord and has taken on a completely new personality.
I may or may not tell their yoga teachers. I feel that if it will help me heal I will do it but I won't do it out of revenge. I know they're going to explode, whether I act or not. The fuse is already burning, I don't need to light it.
I do have high standards for myself and others, I don't believe that telling the world is really going to do much for me in regards to healing. What I would like to do is hold them accountable for their actions because I feel they are a blight to the yoga community and they don't deserve to be teaching others about a path they are not following. So after the papers are signed I may have a private meeting with the head of their community because he would not tolerate this behavior for a second if he knew what was happening.
keptmyword posted 4/14/2013 12:51 PM
I told her she is not living in reality, she created a fantasy and a completely new persona around it. She became a different person. She cut off all ties to friends that would disagree with her. I told her that what she did was the most selfish, self centered thing she could have possibly done, that she cares about nothing but herself and no amount of yoga has ever changed that. She said "You're Right".
You have nailed it dead-on here. Well put and spot-on true. You know exactly what you are dealing with here and for the most part have dealt with it well. What she is doing is the ultimate in selfishness and complete absence of any thought for others' feelings or the impact on lives.
Trust me, I know it hurts tremendously. Just the confusion of how incredibly irrational it all is - is painful itself. You constantly ask your self " How can someone possibly be this way?", and there is no answer that is acceptable that eases the pain. It does seem though that you have immediately rejected any blame for her quite fucked-up behavior - that is huge. Embrace that. It is so vitally important that you realize that this has NOTHING to do with you or your marriage.
Your story is somewhat similar to mine. My STBXWW had deluded herself that she had found her love of fucking legends. It was such a blatant delusion, fantasy land, the perpetual-honeymoon with not a shred of reality associated with it. But, she did not come out and tell me about it. She instead, devised a despicable lie and deception that specifically used my unquestioned trust in her in order to conduct the affair. The deception added to their "forbidden-fruit" thrill and the more she had to delude herself that it was all written in the stars.
The plain truth of it was that the affair guy is just a predator who preys on broken women. They take advantage of weakness because they are easy kill - going after the weak and "sick" of the herd. For some men, "easy-kill" is all they can catch and that pretty effortless thrill is enough for their fractured egos as well as some self-perceived validation.
Now, as painful as it is, there are some aspects of this situation that you can actually be happy about - believe it or not.
One, you have no children together. That is tremendous in this situation because if you feel deep anguish and pain now, multiply that pain 100 times in intensity if there were children involved. Children, unquestionably get the worst of all this. I am dealing with trying to protect my children from the dysfunction and ugliness of the lies, deception, and betrayal of my STBXWW's irrational and immoral behavior. There is pain I have felt for myself and then there is the pain I will always feel for my children who's lives have been altered forever. You don't have to deal with that.
Two, you haven't been married very long and don't have much for assets between you so a divorce should be relatively easy and quick.
Three, it seems your wife's bi-polar/depression issues were going to come to a head at some point so it's better to see it now when married only 3.5 years than have this shit happen after being married for 20 years. You deserve an emotionally healthy partner and there are a lot of those out there. You don't want a ticking time-bomb of neurotic shit to detonate on you again.
Use your controlled anger to your advantage. I know you want answers to this mind-boggling irrational shit and want to vent to her. That's fine. But do not vent in any way that indicates to her that you are pining for her, miss her, love her, etc. Doing so will only enhance her delusion that what she is doing is right because, in her mind, if she has both her affair-guy AND you pining for her hand then she's feeling quite worthy - so why not keep doing what she's doing?
I agree with you about the mentally-ill aspect. I also think my STBXWW is also mentally-ill to some degree.
Be strong, deliberate, and determined.
summerain posted 4/14/2013 20:03 PM
Yep take as much money as you can. Think of it as hardship payout.
Seriously she sounds awful!
Tell the head of the community afterwards: there is a reason he wouldn't tolerate it.
Waits posted 4/15/2013 18:31 PM
I sent her a do not contact email last night. Told her she's paying for the divorce and I have an appointment tomorrow to fill out the forms.
It was actually really hard to hit the send button on that one. I felt so let down.
Now I'm so fucking angry. I am so unbelievably disappointed in her. There is no remorse, no apologies. She is just so cruel I can't even believe it.
I went through the phone records the other day. The first call to the OM was January 22nd and she left me February 23rd. Never looked back.
She completely believes that she found true happiness and she is no longer depressed. She was depressed for 30 years! Man, this is so textbook Bi-Polar mania and I feel like I'm the only one who sees it! Her god damn doctor said she was fine!
I know I'm better off and no part of me wants her back but I'm just so pissed at how cruel she is.
And yes, I'm glad she did this now and not 10 years from now. She saved me from a lifetime of psycho.
I've resorted to yelling in my apartment like I have tourettes. Maybe I should lay off the caffeine.
hailstormer posted 4/15/2013 22:48 PM
I scream so loud sometimes (when my kids are with him)I think the neighbors hear me even with the windows shut.
I also was throwing things one night had a rage with full hard water bottles and did some wall damage which I had to learn how to fix myself (hey I am a girl). I had to remind myself this is my property I am hurting now.
I posted on a subject this month you might be interested in and don't know exactly how to apply it to my message but you can find it in the Reconciliation Forum Dated April 1st and the Subject was "Feeling like you didn't matter to WS"
Might want to check this out your not the only one to feel like it was so easy for them to walk away and never look back
I am one of those and we were together over 20 years.
I miss him soooo much but then the next second I am so pissed he could do this to us and just move on like nothing especially with his hoe-worker. And she has laughed in my face but that is another story for another time. I will say I pretended her face was my wall and that one I didn't have to fix
Good Luck right now it will be very hard cause your at the beginning and there are going to be a lot of ups and downs. Keep on this site for support.
Waits posted 4/16/2013 19:32 PM
Thanks for the reply. I did read the post. It was helpful and like so many others I will never understand because I don't have the capacity to do that to anyone, let alone my spouse.
It is still raw, I'm hurting.
I filed for divorce this afternoon. She really had no intentions to try to work out anything. She planned her escape and she got it.
Now we have 3-6 months before it goes through.
I want to lash out, scream and yell at them but I know it wouldn't help. It just sucks that I had no say in the matter, I wasn't involved in the decision process. No warning, No "we have to talk", fucking nothing but a see you later, you'll be better off without me.
And she's right about that.
nutmegkitty posted 4/16/2013 21:31 PM
I am sorry, Waits.
Such abrupt changes take a long time to process. Stronger08 gave you great advice.
wonderpets posted 4/17/2013 01:26 AM
That's the worst part, being tossed away so easy.
The only "good" thing was that there was no way I could be with someone that cold and cruel. When OM ditched my XWW, I had no desire for her half ass attempts to get back together.
Waits posted 4/17/2013 16:07 PM
I left the divorce papers for my STBXW this morning. She returned them signed a few hours later.
I mean I should be relieved but man, it feels like she spent as much time and effort on this as signing the receipt at a grocery store.
It just feels so heartless. So so cold. Who does this shit? It really hurts me, I didn't expect to get them back the same day!
What an evil bitch.
At least it's one step closer to the end and one step further away from her.
LeftBehind08 posted 4/17/2013 20:06 PM
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Advocates for Youth
Every hour of every day, 100 young people in the U.S. become pregnant, 425 contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI), and two contract HIV. Globally, almost 6,000 young people ages 15-24 are infected with HIV every day. Despite this data, over the past decade, federal and state governments have spent over $1.5 billion on abstinence-only education programs that censor information about condoms, birth control, and emergency contraception.
Advocates for Youth works to shift the current societal paradigm of adolescent sexuality away from a negative emphasis on fear and ignorance and towards the acceptance of sexuality as healthy and normal. Advocates is committed to promoting the values of Rights, Respect, and Responsibility. Young people have the right to accurate and complete sexual health information and services; they deserve to be treated with respect; and society has the responsibility to provide youth with the tools they need to safeguard their sexual health so that they can protect themselves from too-early childbearing and sexually transmitted infections such as HIV.

subset: commoncrawl


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Vacation videos don't have to bore your viewers - you just need to understand how to edit while you're shooting on location.
Do you cringe when friends ask if you want to see their vacation videos? You're a video producer and you know how to make videos entertaining. But some people have trouble making the vacation videos interesting.
Seriously, how many rock structures can one shoot, and how many castles can one show before they blend together and the viewers' eyes glaze over? As a Videomaker reader, you know better, so here are a few quick tips to share with your friends before they head out of town. Tell them to test your tricks and that you can't wait to see what they learned when they return. Or not.
1. Plan Before You Shoot
Before hitting that red record button for your home movies, focus and compose the shot. Are you cutting off someone's head? Does a group shot cut someone in half? Check the background - is garbage spilling out of a trash can? Can you move it? If not, can you move the subject? If not can you move the camera?
What about lighting - is the subject backlit? Can you move the light source? If not, can you move the subject or the camera?
Backlit subjects are common in vacation videos and home movies - everyone wants to get a shot of the sunset in the background of some exotic locale. Place people so they are near the side of screen with light in their faces and the sunset filling the other two-thirds of the shot. The lighting will be better balanced and you're also practicing good rule-of-thirds composition by placing your subject on the imaginary points of a tic-tac-toe grid, rather than in the crosshairs of a rifle scope!
2. No Zoom Zoom, Please!
Just because your camera has a zoom control, doesn't mean you need to use it for every shot. Zoom in to focus, then zoom out to compose your shot, then leave that zoom button alone! It will just give people a headache when they watch your home movies.
The best shots are those where the subject decides the action, not you or the camera. If you do need to zoom, pan, tilt or use some other moving shot; start and end each shot with two seconds of non-movement. This prepares the viewer for the next shot of your home movie. Try to follow the Ten Second Rule. Unless you are following something that is moving, you usually don't need to hold a stationary shot longer than 10 seconds, your audience gets it.
3. Establish the Shot, then Get Close - Even Closer
Always start a new scene or location with a wide establishing shot of the scene. Then get some close-up shots. If it's a wide panoramic scene of the Grand Canyon, for example, a close-up shot might still be wide, but less so, called a medium wide shot. Take it at a different angle, so it's not just the same shot - but tighter. An even closer shot might be of some of the flora in the surrounding area. Give the viewer some variety. You're taking a possible one-minute video, and breaking it into several ten-second shots that add more variety, angles, and examples of the same scene, just making them more interesting to your viewer.
4. Shut Up, Please!
You want to give the viewer some information, but you want to give them the full experience of the sights and sounds of the scene. If you know that you will be editing, then narrating a bit after each scene is a great way to take notes if you plan to cut it out. If you won't be editing, and you still wish to narrate, then plan what to say so you don't pause, hesitate, repeat, or ramble. Keep it tight, concise and narrate for the first five seconds of the shot, then let the nat-sot (natural sound) carry the rest. Just because they're home movies doesn't mean they can't feel professional.
While we're on the subject of sound - the racket of hundreds of voices in a crowded market in Thailand or traffic sounds under the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs-Elysées in Paris are expected, kids screaming or horns honking at the magnificent prehistoric geological rock formations at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado aren't. Tour an area at a time where the noise will be at a minimum. Listen to the sounds of the environment, and try to get close enough to capture them.
5. See the Beauty in Natural Light
Lighting at outdoor locations is beautiful in the early morning, or late afternoon. The shadows fall across the landscape best at these times. At full noon, everything will look flat and one-dimensional. Additionally, "Golden Time" at sunset and sunrise, is short, so plan well and set up before the sun does its magic.
Read more stories on making better vacation videos.
Jennifer O'Rourke is an Emmy award winning video editor and shooter and is Videomaker's managing editor.


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Welcome back ....
When last we convened seven days ago, the Dolphins had hopes of running the table en route to a 9-7 season. There were whispers the team had found a quarterback. There was a movement among some fans that maybe, just maybe, this administration was right all along and it might merit another year.
Today, this Dolphins' season turns for home and we already know 2011 will mark the third consecutive season this administration fails to post a winning record. That is disappointing by any measure.
Remember when these guys were new?
Remember what happened after that magical, fateful 2008 season? After winning 11 games and the AFC East, Bill Parcells went on ESPN during the Super Bowl and proclaimed the team wasn't good enough. He said that despite the 11-5 record, everyone in the organization knew they weren't there yet and much work needed to be done.
What would he say now?
That not-good-enough 11-5 has been followed by two seasons under. 500 and this year, which will be a break-even event at best. (No it won't because the Dolphins aren't done losing, but that's just a prediction.)
Judging by 2008 standards, these guys suck.
But I would say to you the Dolphins would not agree with that because they have lowered their own standards in recent years.
Whereas you never heard how hard the team played in 2008, I've been hearing that spoken of as some sort of feat worthy of applause way too often this year. Whereas players that didn't execute got benched or cut in 2008 (remember Chris Crocker, Derek Hagan, Ernest Wilford), now guys that do something to hurt the team in eight of 11 games (Marc Colombo) keep their starting job and the coach defends them with gusto.
I got news for these folks running the Dolphins: Nobody gives a flip that players are playing hard. That is assumed in the NFL. It is merely the starting point. These men are getting paid. That means that by playing hard, they are doing the bare minimum portion of their jobs.
South Florida knows football. It is football country. It produces more football players per capita than any place in the United States and third overall behind Texas and California. We do not accept that a player paying hard is an accomplishment. Activity does not equal accomplishment.
Accomplishment equals accomplishment.
Playing hard is what 90 percent of NFL teams do every week.
Playing well is what winning NFL teams do.
Mention playing hard and my eyes roll to the back of my head in boredom. Mention playing well and if you have proof of it, you've said something worth paying attention to and worth sitting up straight for.
But, of course, the Dolphins are giving us precious little worth sitting up for. It says something when the stories that draw the biggest interest on this and other Dolphins sites are stories about what is coming next year -- be it in the form of the next quarterback, the next coach, the next general mananger or the next uniform scheme.
This year? You basically stopped buying the propaganda in October. You know that what the Dolphins are putting on the field every week truly is not good enough by NFL standards. Not good enough playing. Not good enough coaching. Not good enough drafting. Not good enough owning. Not good enough ticket-selling. Not good enough fight song playing. Not good enough anything.
The Dolphins have seemingly lowered their standards and I fear many fans and some journalists have bought into the thinking.
Folks, 8-8 is not good. It is mediocre at best. The truth is Don Shula was coaxed into retirement because he couldn't do consistently better than 10-6. Dave Wannstedt was reviled because he kept missing the playoffs with 10-6 records. And now we're ok with 8-8?
Some people, stunningly, are apparently comfortable with 8-8 as the status quo. They're good with inconsistency or mediocrity. They've been numbed into such thinking.
Some fans see a quarterback play well for three games and find a way to forget the three previous terrible starts. Worse, some fans see three nice games by a quarterback and believe he's the answer longterm because they've not seen anything close to an answer for nearly a decade.
Some journalists likewise see mediocrity and call it good. I read somewhere that Miami's 2011 rookie class was doing a job well done on its own merits. Stop. Mike Pouncey is doing a great job. Period. End of story.
Daniel Thomas has been inconsistent and has basically proven zero this year. Thomas hasn't shown enough to suggest he'll be a rushing leader in three years any more than he's shown enough to convince me he won't be out of the league. He's still a question mark. Charles Clay is coming on lately and has fine potential but that doesn't change the fact he was invisible until late October. Clyde Gates has been, with two notable exceptions, unexceptional on kickoffs and he is nowhere ready to play on offense. Jimmy Wilson has been excellent on special teams and everything you would ask of a seventh-round pick. Considering the investment and draft position, Wilson might be the next best rookie behind Pouncey or third behind Pouncey and Clay.
That is not a job well done overall. Acceptable, yes. But that's it.
I must say, not everything is terrible. Brandon Fields is outstanding. Brandon Marshall is having a good year. Davone Bess is among the NFL's better slot receivers. The left side of the offensive line is very good most weeks. Cameron Wake has been solid and Jared Odrick is getting better. Yeremiah Bell is a sledgehammer in the secondary.
I'm also impressed with the job coaches have done with Matt Moore. He is a better player today than in July when he came to the Dolphins. That says something good about him and the men teaching him. (It doesn't say he's the future, however.)
I'm sure I'm missing some things to point out as outstanding. But I'm sure I'm also missing some things that are highly troubling and questionable as well.
(For instance, no one last week brought up the two-point conversion coach Tony Sparano opted not to try when the team went up 15-10 vs. Dallas. The two-point conversion chart says go for 2. Sparano followed the chart in the Denver game when his team went up 12-0. Why not follow it this time? I don't know if Sparano has been asked that question. I know I haven't seen an answer.)
Further evidence the standards around here are lower.


text:
Can someone help me answer this "birds and bees" question for my 5.5 yr old?
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Re: Can someone help me answer this "birds and bees" question for my 5.5 yr old?
I am in a similar boat as you. I have a 4 1/2 year old boy who is very inquisitive, asks oh so many questions and we try to be as honest and clear as possible. I now have a 4 month old daughter and when I was pregnant many of these convos started up. We told my son that two adults who love each other and want to make a baby, share thier body parts with each other and that Papa and Mama did this and Papa shared his sperm with Mamas eggs and together they fertilized the egg wich grew into a baby.
We had a book that shows the pictures of a growing baby along the way (A child is born), and he was fascinated with that so he quickly moved over to the idea of a baby growing in Mamas tummy and what was going on in there. He asked a few questions about how the body's work, wich we answered truthfully.....how do you make an egg Mama?, are Papa's sperm "alive", etc. And as long as I was calm and asked him what he thought, he seemed satisfied. I also always say "Ask me anything you want and Mama will always try to be honest with you, but there are some things that are harder for a kid to understand".
I also quickly used these conversations to impress other ideas about babies and families with him. I personally try to provide as much truthfull info as I feel he can understand and if it gets too "above his head" I switch the convo up towards something else I want him to hear. With these chats we got into "Mamas and Papas and kids are families that share love and respect, right? well sometimes there are two Mamas or two Papas..... and sometimes the kids come from other Mamas and Papas who can't take care of them and those Mamas and Papas give them to other families who can love them and these are all types of real families, etc."
I am sure if you are speaking from your heart and being honest, you are doing great!
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A few of mine.
A few of mine.
I figured what the hell, here's a couple of me
here's a couple more, one with just a hint of my hairy asshole
my butt for u
"...Girls are for procreation, boys are for recreation..."
It's been a while so here's a couple more
^^ Would love to fuck your gorgeous ass!
^ nice British ass!
Here I am.
santiago garcia
^ very nice
A couple more from me
not the best pics in the world
and another sneak peak
not sure if these are up already lol
^ lovely ass!
here my ass
hi i am new here,hope u like it.
my assssssssssssssssssssss
^ very nice ass!
@geloge ur as deserves a seperate. Street to walk on cuz it is king


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For those charters holders whose schools have not all reached their 40th day plus 13 business days when aggregation is run this month and who need to modify their Estimated Counts for the November payment, please contact your Account Analyst, who will be happy to open a window for you so that revisions can be made. We will close all windows on October 16th at 4:30 pm. These estimates will be used for the November 1 payment.
For any revisions required for the December 3rd payment, please contact your analyst between Nov 1 and Nov 13 and request a window be opened for your changes. All windows will close on Nov 13 at 4:30 pm.
Note: Upon 40th day ADM figures being available for your charter holder, they will be used for any upcoming payments. Only when 40th day ADM figures are not available will estimated counts be used for payments.


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Curiouser and curiouser, Peter Molyneux and 22Can's experimental cube-clicker Curiosity was released ahead of schedule this morning. It was due to arrive tomorrow morning at 22 minutes past midnight, in reference to the studio's name, but a slip means we can all get on with the undoubtedly underwhelming experience of clicking on a cube to see what's inside sooner.
The iOS edition is live now for free, but we're still waiting on PC and Android. 22Cans is trying to push the latter out today.
"That was a surprise. Apple release Curiosity earlier than we expected," Molyneux said on Twitter. "Just looked at Curiosity stats its all going crazy. Messages, tapping 24million cubes destroyed in 4 hours. I NEED TO GET HOME!!!" he followed-up, adding "I wish i could teleport home!!"
Curiosity - what's inside the cube, to use the full name, is a big old cube made of squillions of tiny cubes, which ever player in the world is tapping away on to clear layers and find what's inside. Or to scrawl obscenities and draw genitalia. Co-operation is a beautiful thing. Only the person who removes the final cube will see what lies at the heart, which Molyneux has boldly said will "change your life forever."


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Recent comments
Forum topic: Wall of Text
Good change. And nice game.
Forum topic: Sure this is a 2D game?
The graphic was all made in Inkscape and every image was made with its shades.
It uses no 3D engine. The game is definitively 2D.
You can literally see each frame of each image on the image folder in the game code:
Yes, that's right. If the FPS drops below 10 the character becomes crazy. it is something I need to fix.
May I know your computer specs ?
I notice that the player just go crazy (rapid turning?) when it start to lag really bad.
That probably just means my computer just sucks too much to play this.
Forum topic: Wall of Text
Ok, good advice.
Tool: RetroFE
One year no new release or update. Not sure if it's in Active Development anymore :(
It should work now. Give it a chance when you have some time.
Hello! Thanks for your comment.
Unity, the game engine used for this game, has OpenGL Core and OpenGL2 compatibility. When you open the game it should detect which one fits for you.
Since it seems it is not working for you, I'll check it out!


text:
Skype Dates Reviewed By A Lady Dreading Another Long Distance Relationship
And so again I'm staring into the abyss—and by that I mean my man-friend's pixelated face buffering in the v-chat window.
For the past four years, my fella and I have been cohabiting happily with great romantic smooshiness and surprisingly little bickering. Unfortunately my work situation is drawing me to face-to-face meetings in North America, while my main squeeze has to stick around Africa for several months longer. My real life bliss is going to be reduced to two dimensions on a computer screen as we're back to the purgatory of a long distance relationship (LDR) once again.
See, in the early days of our romance, my boyfriend and I were similarly parted. Skype was still a novelty back then and so we struggled with refining our webcam angles (beware the up-tilt double chin), ambient lighting (candles, anyone?), and close-up lens focus (which somehow seemed to improve by use in conjunction with glasses of wine). We, and the rest of the world, were still figuring it out.
At first, Skype made the LDR more bearable. But soon it made me want to thrust my rage-shaking hand through the damn computer monitor, shattering the screen and, with it, the taunting, delayed and digitized simulacrum of my boyfriend. Because I could see his face, even that inferior interpretation of his face, Skype almost made me miss him MORE than if I didn't see him at all.
Then, thank Blog, we moved to the same city again. All was well with the world and I no longer had to contemplate the torture that was video chat.
But now, here I am again. Oh, Skype.
The good news is that in the few years since I left it, video dating has significantly evolved. Enough time and creativity and romantic attempts have gone through its magical virtual internet tubes to result in date ideas that aren't just playing hide and seek with the webcam when one of you goes to take a pee or snorffle a bag of chips.
Maybe these new methods will be able to channel just enough of the spark of our chemistry that I won't want to weep openly every time I sign in to my computer. Maybe?
I'll admit it, I'm skeptical. Can any of these modern video chat approaches even remotely begin to fill the GAPING HOLE of my loneliness? There's only one way to find out. And so, with a furrowed brow and a hopeful heart I hereby pass judgment on the new reality of web romance—Skype Dating 2.0.
You can reach this post's author, Brianna Goldberg, on her website or on twitter.


text:
2006 Baseball
Spring Training baseball program at Bluffton University
Coach Grandey to direct baseball program
Bluffton University will host a six-week Spring Training 2006 baseball program for players in grades 1 through 12 from January 15 to February 19. Bluffton head coach James Grandey will direct the program in conjunction with Midwest Baseball Academy. Sessions are offered in advanced hitting and pitching at a cost of $98 for six weeks. Space is limited. Registration is now under way.


text:
Judge [Derek G.] Johnson pulled King's lawyer and the prosecutor aside and said he needed a religion to put down on the order to make it stick...The lawyer came up with "Festivus," and the judge accepted that.
Via ABA Journal, which notes that there won't be an appeal, because the sentence is served.
AND: Oddly enough, "law" is winning both polls!


text:
8 oz. Natural Plastic Cylinder with Black Poly Cone Cap
Closure sizes are expressed using two different numbers.
For example, a closure size of (20/400) has a diameter of 20 mm and fits a bottle with a 400 GPI thread finish.
Some neck sizes are interchangeable. For instance, a 20/410 closure will usually fit on a 20/400 bottle. Also, 410 and 415 are usually interchangeable if the closure is not tamper evident.


text:
The team was pleased with what they saw and particularly that maintenance-of-way crews had completed their work on KCS' higher density lines earlier in the year than expected and had moved on to lower density line segments.
"We are approaching a cyclical maintenance pattern that will allow our service to be more consistent and predictable," explained Ebbrecht. "I want to thank the engineering team for their excellent work on the line and both the transportation and engineering teams for their close coordination in ensuring this work can be completed in a manner with minimal disruption to main line traffic."


text:
I've happened upon a Winchester Model 70 Super Express with CRF in .375 H&H. Other than the butt-ugly JP Howitzer brake that I'd remove, it is a very handsome rifle that appears to have seen almost no use. These generally aren't shot a lot, but I'll have it bore-sighted nonetheless.
The problem is I can't discern the vintage from the serial number, which is Gxxxxxx.
I'm aware that Model 70's fabricated after 1968 have a "G" in front of seven numbers. But, why only six (6) numbers on this rifle and not seven (7)???
One book I referenced indicated that it was made circa '79. Another online source (oldguns.net) claims it was 1950 if I don't include the "G". Another says it doesn't and can't exist.
Any idea what the vintage is and what, if anything, I ought to be on the lookout for with this rifle?
Thanks in advance,


text:
Student or Learner
Hi, could you please assess my essay in term of its structure and grammar? And how much (out of 9) do you reckon I can get with this essay? I will be taking the test and I'm very nervous about it, given I have to get all band 7.
================================================== =========
Some people believe in the traditional idea that the womans place is in the home, while others say that idea is outdated and that women should play an increasingly important role in the workplace of the future. What is your opinion?
Majority of people nowadays value equal rights between men and women. Undoubtedly these modern societies believe women are as capable as men. However, some conservative people still think women were not born to be in a workforce and their place is only at home. Such view is deemed to be outdated and there are a few reasons for that.
Gone are the days when women can only be seen at home, specifically in the kitchen and bedroom. Emancipation of feminist has given most women in the world an opportunity to achieve any goals in their lives. They can do whatever they want to do and be whoever they want to be.
There is a famous saying Educate a man and you educate an individual; educate a woman, and you educate a family. Giving women proper educations could eventually allow them to have a significant position at work and obtain valuable experiences. Arguably, well-educated and experienced women would rise a better generation in the future.
Another argument in favour of giving women a chance to participate in the workforce is there are many talented women in the society. They could contribute as much, if not more, as men do. Society would suffer a significant loss by prohibiting them to pursue their careers.
In conclusion, I agree that it is important for women to be able to play a significant role at work. The reasons above explained how society would be benefit from a modern view of allowing women to work and eventually let them to rise a well generation.
(258 words)
__________________________________________________ __________


text:
Hartsville, SC- With just a two minutes remaining in the first ten minute overtime period, Anderson University broke the 0-0 stalemate with a goal from Virginia Cates (Byron, MI), giving the Trojans a 1-0 victory over the Coker Women's Soccer Team. The loss drops the Cobras to 3-5 overall, and 1-4 in the Conference Carolinas, while Anderson improves to 6-2 overall, and 3-0 in the conference.
Anderson may have one the match, but Coker had more than their fair share of chances to break the game wide open. The Cobras out shot the Trojans 16-6, including eight shots on goal.
To the Trojans credit, goalkeeper Kelli Whitfield (Anderson, SC) played exceptional between the posts, turning away every Coker scoring opportunity.
The Cobras return to the field on Monday, as they host Conference Carolinas foe, Belmont Abbey. The starting whistle will sound at 5:00 p.m.


text:
The Illinois High School Association debuted its state championship in its newest sport on Saturday, and suburban teams dominated.
Suburban teams took the top three medals in the competitive dance finals on Saturday in both the large and medium school divisions.
Among large schools, Maine South High School's varsity Hawkettes won the state championship, one week after taking the top score at sectionals at Palatine High School.
The team has been a perennial state champion in TeamDance Illinois competitions, and won a national title with their kick routine in 2011 at the Universal Dance Association championships in Orlando.
Their kick routine on Saturday was nearly perfect, earning the squad a 98.36 score out of a possible 100 points.
Stevenson High School took home the second place trophy with their lyrical routine, after coming in first at the Grayslake North High School sectional, and posting the highest score of all 90 teams that qualified.
Warren Township High School's Devilettes placed third in state, and were the only team in their division to compete with a hip hop routine.
"We didn't know if hip hop would be taken seriously," said head coach Sarah Stepek, "but we were proud that hip hop could compete with the more traditional lyrical and kick routines, and was recognized as a serious dance form. We think we contributed to that."
Among medium sized schools, Crystal Lake Central won the state championship with a traditional poms routine, followed by the Scouts from Lake Forest High School, whose poms routine placed second.
The championships took place at U.S. Coliseum in Bloomington, where 90 teams divided into three divisions started out in preliminaries on Friday, before the top 10 teams advanced to the state finals on Saturday.
IHSA administrators debuted the new state series after more than two years of research and surveying member schools about their interes.
In the end, they decided on a unique version of a dance competition, offering schools an "open routine" format, where all genres and styles competed against one another.
Rather than teams competing against similar squads in their specialty -- from hip hop, jazz and kick, to traditional poms -- dance teams chose their style of dance to take to the floor.
Judges then evaluated each performance -- no matter what the genre -- on the same rubric, with 20 points given equally to technique, synchronization, choreography, formations, and overall effect.
"Our committee made the decision to pioneer a format," said Tracie Henry, IHSA assistant executive director, "that we felt would best serve our membership and allow all schools to compete."


text:
Computer Science (Doctor of Philosophy)
The interdisciplinary Ph.D. program in computer science offers study in both traditional and cross-disciplinary areas in computing. Please see our departmental website for current research interests of our faculty.
General Requirements
Specific Requirements
Requirements for Admission to Graduate Studies for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy
A bachelor's degree and satisfactory scores on the Graduate Record Examination general section are required of all applicants. Applicants will be evaluated based on their potential for excellence in research, as judged from their academic background, test scores, relevant experience and letters of recommendation. Students should also demonstrate that they have taken the following courses or have equivalent knowledge: two courses that treat systematic program development in a high level language (e.g., CS 021 and CS 110), one course in computer system organization (e.g., CS 121), one course in data structures (e.g., CS 124), one course in computability and complexity (e.g., CS 125), two courses in differential and integral calculus (e.g., MATH 021, MATH 022), one course in linear algebra (MATH 124 or equivalent), and one course in probability and statistics (e.g., STAT 153 or CS 128). Applicants whose native language is not English or who have not received their education in English must present satisfactory results from the TOEFL examination.
Requirements for Advancement to Candidacy for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy
Before advancing to candidacy, the student must:
- Demonstrate satisfactory performance in a schedule of courses of at least fifteen credits of graduate course work at UVM, as approved by the student's studies committee
- Pass a comprehensive exam in areas approved by the student's studies committee, including a written component
- Successfully propose a thesis topic in a public presentation
- Pass an oral exam before the student's studies committee
Minimum Requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy
A minimum of seventy-five credits of graduate study must be approved by the studies committee and successfully completed. All students must take a minimum of thirty credits of research and fifteen credits (normally five courses) of UVM course work (only courses with grades of B- or above are counted towards this minimum requirement and students with two grades below B are eligible for dismissal). While a master's degree is not required prior to entering our doctoral program, we expect a typical student to complete 30-40 credits of relevant course work beyond their undergraduate degree.
The student must describe the completed research in a written dissertation and defend the research in a public presentation of the results.
Beyond research and course work, the student must gain appropriate experience, to the satisfaction of their studies committee, in teaching, programming, and communicating technical ideas, both orally and in writing.
- Colleges and Schools: College of Engineering and Mathematical Sciences. Graduate College.
- Departments and Programs: Computer Science Department.


text:
10-S Tennis Supply works with many of the leading tennis court contractors in the United States. We can provide you with all of the products needed to build a tennis court from the ground up, including Har-Tru, court paints, lighting, fencing, net posts, nets and windscreens. We also work with many general contractors that build tennis courts on a more infrequent basis. General contractors rely on 10-S Tennis Supply to get them through the tennis court construction process. We provide general contractors with accurate quotes for bidding purposes and will meet your demanding timetables and requirements. We also offer contractor discounts for large orders. Please give us a call for a quote on your next project. Click here to review all of our contractor services.
Contractor Services


text:
Main Site - :: Why Won't God Heal Amputees? ::
Quote from: Graybeard on August 19, 2013, 04:13:58 PMThere you are, Ken Ham said it, so it must be true! I've seen Ken Ham on TV on occasion, but most young earthers fail to connect their claims with any common facts.
There you are, Ken Ham said it, so it must be true!
Adam had some offspring.
They did things that imply genius.
You don't have to believe that Adam was real. Adam, the character we read about, had brilliant offspring.
Thanks to technology, IQ is falling rapidly. Person to person communication is whatbuilds I.Q.
Believe him true or not, the character described as Adam was the father of brilliance.
But only if you believe that children were taught by their parents in those days. If you think they went away to trade schools to learn how to craft musical instrumentsand forge metal, then Dad could have been stupid. But you also must consider how advanced the entire clan was to be able to spend time to make musical instruments.
Genesis 4 21 His brother's name was Jubal; he was the ancestor of those who play stringed and wind instruments. 22 Zillah also gave birth to Tubal-cain, the ancestor of[d] blacksmiths and all artisans of bronze and iron.
Now you'd like some non-biblical support for ancient wise guys:I: The Great Pyramid of EgyptII: The Hanging Gardens of BabylonIII: The Statue of Zeus at OlympiaIV: The Temple of Artemis at EphesusV: The Mausoleum at HalicarnassusVI: The Colossus of RhodesVII: The Lighthouse of AlexandriaStonehengeSphinxhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Wonders_of_the_Ancient_World


text:
A Campy Reading of This Old Ad is Possible41
Images of Native Americans in Advertising
Jewish Mad Men: Advertising and the Design of the American Jewish Experience
The Girl on the Magazine Cover: The Origins of Visual Stereotypes in American Mass Media
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text:
The team of Tim Taylor, Doug Kaelin, Chuck King and Chris Vieira joined Mel McLaughlin (center) following the Mel McLaughlin Biggs High Boosters Club Golf Tournament held at Butte Creek Country Club Monday where 120 golfers had a great time while raising money for the Boosters Club.
Choose the plan that's right for you. Digital access or digital and print delivery.


text:
Submission + - ARM chips designed for 480-core servers (computerworld.com.au)
angry tapir writes: "Calxeda revealed initial details about its first ARM-based server chip, designed to let companies build low-power servers with up to 480 cores. The Calxeda chip is built on a quad-core ARM processor, and low-power servers could have 120 ARM processing nodes in a 2U box. The chips will be based on ARM's Cortex-A9 processor architecture."


text:
I am designing a website with the CMS of Weebly. Unfortunately Weebly doesn't support multilingual websites, so I had to do it with JQuery. I found a script at http://blessingsweb.weebly.com/1/post/2013/10/how-to-create-a-real-multilanguage-site-with-weebly.html and added it to my website. The script hides the German menus, when you are on the English website and hides the English menus, when you are on the German Website. Everything is working, apart from the submenu on the German website. Somehow the script changed the position of the submenu and also the direction of the slide from left to right, to top to bottom.
Demo: http://mop000.weebly.com/startseite.html as you can see, the submenu has some strange behaviour.
If you click on the flag, you will see that on the English site everything is working well.
What can I do?
Code added as languages-1.0.js-file:
function hideMenus() {
lang = language.toLowerCase();
console.log('LANG: ' + lang);
currentLang = null;
menus = jQuery(menuSelector + ' ul li').each(function(){
menu = jQuery(this);
a = menu.children('a');
span = a.children('span');
if (span.length == 0) text = a.html();
else text = span.html();
text = text.toLowerCase();
if (langs[text] != null) {
currentLang = langs[text].toLowerCase();
if (currentLang == lang) {
//if this is the first page of this language, we set the logo to go to this page url
jQuery('.wsite-logo a').attr('href', a.attr('href'));
show = (currentLang == lang);
if (show) menu.show(); else menu.hide();
console.log('MENU:' + text + ' - current lang: ' + currentLang + ' - in langs '+ langs[text] + ' - '+ (show ? 'SHOW' : 'HIDE'));
Code added in the header (SEO) of the website:
<script src="/files/theme/jquery-1.10.2.min.js"></script>
<script src="/files/theme/languages-1.0.js"></script>
langs = { //everything in langs must be in lowercase
'home': 'en',
'startseite': 'de'
menuSelector = '#avmenu';
Code added on the German pages:
<script> language = 'de'; </script>
Code added on the English pages:
<script> language = 'en'; </script>
That's it. Thanks in advance!
JQuery, queries go in here http://www.webdeveloper.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?51-JavaScript-Frameworks-(such-as-JScript)


text:
Key questions to ask when planning to sell your business
You are looking to sell your small business, and you expect the best possible outcome for both you and your company. In order to get exactly what you desire out of the impending sale, you must be forward-thinking enough to define your goals before even thinking of getting your business on the market.
It is likely that you have a reason for selling — whether it be plans to retire, start a new business, or get a normal 9-5 job — but your buyer won't know that unless you lay it down initially.
The best way to do this is to incorporate future plans into the negotiation process. While your goal might be to attract the most qualified buyer that will pay the asking price and lead the company on a path of continued success, it is what you expect of your life post-sale that should constitute how you execute the deal.
What's next?
The customers on bizbuysell.com can attest to the notion that there are multiple plans of action to consider before selling any business. The goals and outcomes that each desire range widely, but all will potentially change the way you present your sale to buyers. Below are some of the key questions that you should consider before ultimately making the plan to sell.
1. Is seller financing feasible in accomplishing my future endeavors?
For sellers that are looking to invest or use the full proceeds from their sale to purchase a new business, seller financing might be a problem. However, if your plans are to retire or if you can otherwise afford installment payments from your buyer, then your business will look that much more attractive to future owners.
If you fall into the first category, however, do not panic. Since seller financing is not an option, you should give yourself more time to prep for your sale. Making other aspects of your company attractive will position your business to appeal to buyers that can self-finance or secure the capital necessary from third-party lenders.
2. How involved do I really plan on being post-sale?
For many sellers, the process of building a business from the ground up and watching as it thrives is an emotional process. The selling of that company can be even more so. That is why some are surprised to learn that their buyers don't actually want them to give up their roles quite yet.
Oftentimes, many buyers want the owners of the business to be involved, at least temporarily, while they work on acclimating themselves with the new business. Some sellers, however, want the sale of their business to be a clean break from their company. Whichever you anticipate as your position, make your intentions known at the beginning of the selling process, and use them to leverage the sale either way.
3. How should I mitigate the emotional connection to my business and my employees?
When the ties are not to the business as much as to the employees and family involved in the company, sellers have more difficult decisions to make regarding the continuity of the business and the well-being of those staying behind.
While it is a noble goal to ensure the stability of your employees, it may involve making certain allowances that might hinder your post-exit plans. For instance, family members might expect seller financing when you aren't prepared to bankroll or even a below-market price on the sale. Evaluate the implications that situations such as these might bring to the table, and let your assessment be the ultimate guide.
4. Should I sign that non-compete?
It is well-known that buyers who want to protect their investment will issue non-competes almost immediately when drawing up purchase agreements. However, if you are planning on pursuing a career in the same field, a non-compete could threaten your employment opportunities post-sale. If this is something you worry might be a problem, resolve the issues before signing the closing documents.
The best advice that one can receive before initiating the sale of their business is to remember to consider personal goals before they negatively impact the sale. If you are in any way unsure how to handle the process consult with a business broker or other professional for advice.


text:
Note: Not my trade proposal its a trade idea from garlic boy from another forum i thought it was pretty interesting.
Al Harrington and Azbuike for Earl Watson, Chris Wilcox and 2nd rounder(#32)
Al $9.2 Million (2009 salary of $10)
Azbuike S/T $3-5 Million (Restricte free agent)
Wilcox $6.7 Million (2009 free agent)
Watson $6.2 Million (2009 salary of $6.2)
It's a very interesting trade scenario when we factor in that the length and amount of money involved is about equal. No long term commitments except for Kelenna Azubuike who is still young and would be a nice addition to any team. The question is what type of 2nd rounder will Seattle throw in. They have 4 2nd round picks. 2, 18, 20 and 26. If they give us the 2nd overall pick in the 2nd round I'd do it. The 18th no thanks. They also have 2 first rounders.
Seattle's Perspective: The money current and long term is equal, and they're basically giving up a 2nd rounder for Azubuike, which they can afford to do as they have 4 2nd round picks and 2 first rounders. Wilcox is a loss but he's going to be a free agent at the end of the year anyways. They also would get Al who can fill in at the 3/4 and they can move Collison back over to 4 and hope Swift, Sene or Petro step it up at the 5 position. Watson is not a loss at all if they draft Bayless or Mayo. They give up a 2nd rounder, but they don't have enough roster spots(12 taken) for all they're picks(6 total). They key for them is the addition of Kelenna.
Golden State's Perspective: They get a big man and a back-up PG that they can use to make a run at the playoffs with. There are no long term commitments and the overall money is equal. The big thing is, they are trading away a young solid wing in Kelenna Azubuike. However, he may have been a tad too expensive to keep anyways. In exchange, they do get the 32nd overall pick in the draft where many good players will still be available. The Dubs would also lose they're best 3 pt bomber, but with the loss of Azubuike and the addition of Wilcox, it gives Belinelli the perfect opportunity to step in and fill the void.
Interesting trade proposal.....
Discuss anything related to Golden State Warriors basketball here
Moderators: Mr. Crackerz, JREED, Guybrush, 32
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Starting Lineup
I like this trade. Wilcox would be 10X more useful to us at the 4 than Harrington, and we need Watson more than Buke. What i like the best though is that it clears us around 4 million next year.
Good trade for both teams but I doubt Seattle wants Harrington, maybe Indy will take him back for Ike?!?!
Good trade for both teams but I doubt Seattle wants Harrington, maybe Indy will take him back for Ike?!?!