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Putting the Standards Front and Center
Occidental College's Putting the Standards Front and Center: An Infrastructure Project for Teacher Development provides program directors and lead instructors with multiple resources that can be used individually or collectively. The materials present con ...


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Thief is part of a long lasting top tier game franchise. EIDOS has always been a bit of a snobby company to deal with (from a PR perspective) they don't like to return calls, they apparently don't feel they have to. The games they make are good, it's true so there is that. Thief 4 is fun, I honestly don't like the whole nav point, lead by the nose game play part of it, but it can be challenging to complete and I like the concept so much it really doesn't make much of a difference for me. #Fanboy Anyway, the game play above says it all. I'm not going to get into story line, or walkthrough's that's for you to figure out. If you can't make a buying decision based on this 15 minutes of game play you probably aren't going to be into it.
4 out of 5 stars for Thief 4.

subset: commoncrawl


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Rennard 'victim' to contact police
A woman at the centre of allegations that a Liberal Democrat peer sexually harassed party activists is expected to make a formal complaint to police.
Alison Smith, a Lib Dem activist who is now a lecturer at Oxford University, said she planned to talk to officers about claims that Lord Rennard behaved inappropriately towards her.
She claims an alleged incident in 2007 was "more serious" than having a hand placed on her knee.
"I will be talking to the police and I think the trial by media, probably it is time for that to finish," she told BBC News.
Ms Smith said she decided to "blow the whistle" about the peer's alleged behaviour because he had started to become involved again in training events.
"We were told he was not going to make a comeback, now here he is, turning up all over the place," she added.
Nick Clegg's handling of the affair has been repeatedly called into question. An initial response from the party suggested that he was not aware of the allegations but the party leader later admitted he had known of general concerns.
He conceded on Wednesday that his party made "very serious mistakes" in failing to deal properly with complaints made about the peer.
Pressed on whether the issue played any part in Lord Rennard's departure as chief executive in 2009, the Deputy Prime Minister told LBC 97.3: "Like any new leader of any organisation or political party, I wanted to make sure that the organisation reflected my priorities, my values. I felt it was time for a change at the top of the professional party. His health was poor and that was the immediate reason he left but of course these things were in the background."
Lord Rennard, who stepped down as chief executive on health grounds, has said he is ready to "co-operate with any properly-constituted inquiry" into allegations of inappropriate behaviour. The peer has issued a series of strenuous denials of any wrongdoing.
PA Media


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Paola Campese Award for research in Leukemias: Giada Bianchi
|ISSNAF Award for Young Investigators 2019
ISSNAF Board of Trustees encourages all Italian early-stage researchers currently primarily working in the United States or Canada to submit their application and research abstract to compete for one [ ... ]
|In Memoriam: Computer science professor and former department chair Mario Gerla MS '70, PhD '73 UCLA, member of the ISSNAF Board of Trustees
A celebration of Mario's life will be held on Saturday, March 23rd at 11:00 AM at the UCLA Samueli School of Engineering (Mong Learning Center, Engineering VI – First Floor, 404 Westwood Plaza), f [ ... ]
|Alessio Figalli awarded with the Fields Medal
The International Mathematical Union (IMU) awarded with the Fields Medal the Italian mathematics professor Alessio Figalli. The Fields Medal is considered the "Nobel Prize of Maths", the most pres [ ... ]
|La diaspora dei ricercatori. «Più qualità, meno clientele. Noi all'estero per passione»
A seguito di un ampio sondaggio (condiviso anche da ISSNAF sui propri canali) che ha coinvolto piu' di 750 partecipanti in diversi paesi del mondo, Federico Fubini ha raccolto la voce dei ricercatori [ ... ]
| PhD scholarships at IMT Lucca
2018/19 PhD programs at the IMT School for Advanced Studies Lucca Deadline for applications – August 3rd 2018, 12 pm CEST Applications are now being accepted for the 2018/19 PhD Programs at the IM [ ... ]
|ISSNAF Awards for Young Investigators - Call for Applications 2018
ISSNAF Board of Trustees encourages all Italian early-stage researchers currently primarily working in the United States or Canada to submit their application and research abstract to compete for one [ ... ]
|LAVORO L'Italia si svuota: raddoppiano i laureati in fuga all'estero di Enrico Marro
LAVORO L'Italia si svuota: raddoppiano i laureati in fuga all'estero di Enrico Marro
Dal 21 al 23 Giugno i protagonisti della Silver Economyriuniti nel nostro Paese per l'Expo-Meeting Innov-Aging Per tre giorni le Marche saranno la capitale della Silver Age ospitando Istituzi [ ... ]
|Programma reclutamento giovani ricercatori "Rita Levi Montalcini"
Selezione dei beneficiari. Una commissione ministeriale procede poi a valutare le candidature. In base ai risultati della valutazione, i vincitori vengono chiamati e l'Università indicata dal vinci [ ... ]
|The ISSNAF Medical Imaging Science Chapter Meeting was held at the RSNA annual meeting in Chicago (USA) November 30th 2014.
This year the main theme is linked to the world celebrations related to the 500th anniversary of the death of Leonardo Da Vinci. Art scholars, scientists and researchers will animate intense debates focusing on the interrelationships between science and beauty, which combined, constitute an inexhaustible source of creativity. In this sense Leonardo's work is the most illustrious example in the history of humanity.
Paola Campese Award for research in Leukemias: Giada Bianchi
IBM-Bio4Dreams Award in Medicine, Biosciences and Cognitive Science: Andrea Idili
Franco Strazzabosco Award for Engineers: Elisa Franco
Anna Maria Molteni Award in Mathematics and Physics: Pietro Milillo
Mario Gerla Award for Young Investigators in Computer Science: Francesco Restuccia
The names of the winners of each award will be announced shortly
ISSNAF Board of Trustees encourages all Italian early-stage researchers currently primarily working in the United States or Canada to submit their application and research abstract to compete for one of the following awards:
- Mario Gerla Award for Young Investigators in Computer Science
- IBM-Bio4Dreams Award for Research in Medicine, Biosciences and Cognitive Science
- Paola Campese Award for Research on Leukemia
- Franco Strazzabosco Award for Young Engineers
- Annamaria Molteni Award for Mathematics and Physics
Click here to register to the event | Click here to read more
Go to Awards page
Pellegrini is a Distinguished Professor of Physics Emeritus at UCLA – University of California, Los Angeles. In 2015, President Barack Obama presented Pellegrini the Enrico Fermi Award, a one of the government's oldest and most prestigious awards for scientific achievement.
In his presentation he shared his experience spanning over six decades of scientific accomplishments from the Physics department at La Sapienza in Rome to the national laboratories of the Bay Area, as well as his views on the impact his field has had on society at large.
Galtieri headed a number of important projects at the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory of the University of California, and contributed to important experiments at CERN, SLAC and Fermilab.
In her presentation she shared her experience spanning over six decades of scientific accomplishments from the Physics department at La Sapienza in Rome to the national laboratories of the Bay Area, as well as her views on the impact her field has had on society at large.
Young ISSNAF
Young ISSNAF is the "network-inside-the-network" of under-40 ISSNAF affiliates, Italian investigators and scholars of all areas of scientific and academic research.
Click here to read more
Success Stories
Our pride is to be able to help young Italian talents follow their dreams and have opportunities.
Here is where they share them.
Click here to read more
Inside ISSNAF
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The Consulate General of Italy, the Italian Cultural Institute and the Emilio Goggio Chair in Italian Studies, University of Toronto proudly present Samanta Cristoforetti, Italian astronaut, European Space Agency in conversation with Canadian astronaut Roberta Bondar FUTURA Mission - 200 ...Read more
La Dott.ssa Silvia Formenti, membro del Board of Trustees di ISSNAF e presidente dell'Advisory Board di Medicina e Biologia, ha ricevuto il 2 giugno 2015, durante le celebrazioni delle Festa della Repubblica, l'onorificenza di Grande Ufficiale dalla Console Generale d'Italia ...Read more
Saturday, March 7th, 2015 from 12:00 to 14:00pm Meeting Room: 2.95 The meeting, held in English, is open to Italians, Italian-Americans, and Italian sympathizers For more information email email@example.com or call Lorenzo Mannelli at +1 (646) 226 5924Read more
Thursday , January 29th, 2015 early afternoonat the laboratories of Global Good-Intellectual Ventures the ISSNAF-Seattle Chapter Winter 2015 Meeting will take place. The meeting, held in English, is open to Italians, Italian-Americans, and Italian sympathizers For more information email seattle@iss...Read more
Sunday, November 30th, 2014 from 12pm to 1:30pm Meeting Room: E271B The meeting, held in English, is open to Italians, Italian-Americans, and Italian sympathizers For more information email email@example.com or call Lorenzo Mannelli at +1 (646) 226 5924Read more
ISSNAF and Fondazione Marche are honored to announce the winners of the ECapital contest. The competition, aimed to encourage the creation of innovative business ideas, is a unique opportunity to transform creativity into business and is giving away for the winners 5 internship at "Mind the B...Read more
On Saturday, May 31th, 2014, a delegation of Italian researchers participated in a meeting with Italy's Minister of Health, Beatrice Lorenzin, and Sergio Pecorelli, Chancellor at the University of Brescia and President of the Italian Medicines Agency.Read more
On Saturday May the 25th, during the biannual meeting of the Societa' Italiana di Radiologia Medica (SIRM), the Medical Imaging Science Chapter of ISSNAF organized a round table to discuss the experiences of Italian radiologists abroad.Read more
Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti met with ISSNAF President Vito Campese during a meeting with the Italian community hosted by Consul General Giuseppe Perrone on May 20, 2014. Mayor Garcetti was very supportive and showed interested in ISSNAF activities.Read more
Meeting organized by the Consulate General of Italy, the Italian Cultural Institute, and ISSNAF on Wednesday, June 4, 2014 6:30pm at the IIC, 1023 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles CA 90024. RSVP to email@example.com more
The ISSNAF Medical Imaging Science Chapter will hold a roundtable during the 2014 Meeting of the Societa' Italiana di Radiologia Medica (SIRM). The discussion will highlight different research experiences of Italian scientists in North America and promote future collaborations between medic...Read more
The 2014 ISSNAF-Seattle Chapter (near) Summer meeting will take place on Wednesday, June 4th in the Bellevue Arts Museum (BAM, 510 Bellevue Way NE, Bellevue, WA 98004) from 5.30pm to 8.00 pm. Guest speakers: Mark Nassutti, novelist, will talk about how his Italian roots made possible to write a no...Read more
ISSNAF and LaFondazioneNY encourage all Italian researchers born after March 30, 1974 and currently primarily working in the United States or Canada to submit their full applications.
Thanks to the generous support of Agenzia Spaziale Italiana (ASI) ISSNAF is offering two summer internships in primary North American research facilities.
Read the call - Get Application form - Learn more about ASI.
The first ISSNAF Seminar of 2014, "Italy 2020: Challenges and Opportunities of Growth", was organized by the New York Chapter on February 28th at the Italian Cultural Institute in New York. Approximately 130 people gathered to listen to our amazing speakers and the event was truly a success.Read more
The 2014 Spring meeting will take place on Thursday, April 10th in the Auditorium of the Research and Training Building (300 9th Ave, 98104, Seattle) at Harborview Medical Center. We are pleased to host four outstanding speakers: Erica Tartaglione, Research Specialist at the VA Puget Sound Hospit...Read more
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RISeT intends to enhance the activity of Scientific researchers and of the expert working abroad inside the scientific, academic and entrepreneurial italian system
Find out who works in your area of expertise or geographic area. ISSNAF Database Search engine allows you to easily view and export contact selections.
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Long and short term mentorships aimed at supporting under-40 ISSNAF affiliates in their career choices and professional growth.
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NASA's Mars rover, Curiosity, has determined that a river from ankle to knee deep once flowed on Mars for thousands or even millions of years. The next question is whether it ever supported life. Per the article:
Less than two months after touching down inside a giant impact basin near the planet's equator, Curiosity has returned clear evidence of flowing water, scientists told reporters during a conference call Thursday....Curiosity scientists are quite sure the gravel was deposited by a vigorously flowing stream, one that was between ankle and knee-deep and likely flowed for thousands or even millions of years.
Views: 338
Congratulations to NASA on an extraordinary scientific achievement.
I have to wonder why the planet became barren.
The water must have evaporated. Could it be because of lack of air pressure that creates a vaccuum like condition?
I don't know. Maybe the water source was somehow internally generated and became exhausted for lack of a cycle to replenish it.
Small size and tidal isolation leads to internal cooling. Internal cooling leads to the iron core ceasing to convect or spin. This means no magnetic field. No magnetosphere means the solar wind pounds the surface and blasts away volatiles such as water vapor, co2 and other gasses. Low mass means weaker gravity and easy loss of material.
There's a succinct answer, well put.
Thanks for shedding light on the matter. With Mars having become barren in this manner do you know whether the nature of its surface dust can be used to logically back into what kind of atmosphere it must have had well before it went barren?
Well, no magnetic field means you lose free hydrogen in atmospheric water vapor, and the oxygen probably combines with iron on the surface. On Earth, that hydrogen follows the magnetic field to return to the surface, on Venus and Mars, it just goes by-by.
Martian craters (really old ones) have properties that indicate that the atmosphere was denser when they were made (something called bomb sag, and of course the ejecta patterns indicate this, as well as ejecta crusting). How much this has to do with the composition of the aerolith/regolith on the surface at this point and time, I have no idea. I have a good idea that such is not beyond the scope of science by any means, but planet-wide geosurveys must be done for "big picture" data of the formation and evolving processes on Mars so that single samples or even regional studies can be evaluated to provide data on the atmospheric composition at any particular point in time.
I have no idea when or if Mars was ever in a stable state when young for any geologically (aerologically?) meaningful amount of time before it sort of bottomed out to something like what we see today.
Don't moons also have a great deal to do with stripping away an atmosphere? Our moon, for example, is one of the major things that make the difference between Earth and Venus. Venus has an atmosphere so dense that you can't see to the surface, although I'm sure a lot of that has to do with the chemical composition.
The indication of a past atmosphere that was denser might mean that Mars picked up its two moons long after it's formation.
Very enlightening Art.
The difference between Earth and Venus is the temperature of the surface (leading to no plate tectonics, just lots of vulcanisim) it's composition (in subtle ways), and the important fact that it's day is longer than it's year. Essentially it is tidally locked to the sun (or even slightly retrograde). Convection still makes a weak magnetic field, but the biggest influence is locked.
Our moon, while Waaaay out compared to phobos and deimos, is a planetoid. Mars' moons are just rocks. They do not have that much influence. Mars gets a denser atmosphere every time a large impact occurs. In the Noachian (sp?) age, there were a lot of those. Dust settles, gasses freeze out, cosmic rays / solar wind blasts the bits away, and the gasses ooze out into space.
Important thing to remember about Earth, Venus, and Mars. At an altitude of say 50 miles above the surface, the atmospheric density of all three are about the same! This has to do with gravity (which decreases with the sqrrt of distance, relative mass, and the partial pressures involved. Most of Venus' atmosphere (or Earths) is in the troposphere, or bottom few miles.
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Garfield and Friends
Garfield and Friends was a popular animated series based on the comic strip Garfield.
- 1 Quotes from Garfield
- 2 Quotes from U.S. Acres
- 3 Garfield's Introductory Lines
- 4 List of Garfield's Annoying Things
- 5 The Picnic Panic
- 6 The Ocean Blue
- 7 Another Ant Episode
- 8 Jon and Garfield's workout song
- 9 The Garfield Rap
- 10 The Garfield Opera
- 11 Truckin' Odie
- 12 Ode to Odie
- 13 Wade, You're Afraid
- 14 Banana Nose
- 15 What Harm Can It Do?
- 16 Cartoons Are Terrific
- 17 Characters
- 18 External links
Quotes from GarfieldEdit
- "Neither rain, nor snow, nor gloom of night--nor cat with bad disposition--will stay this clown from his appointed rounds." ~Binky
- Binky: HEEEEEEEEYYYY, CAT!!! I'm Binky the Clown! Is this the home of Mrs. Edna Fogarty?
Garfield: ...No.
Binky: I'm here to wish her a happy 97th birthday!
Garfield: If he does, Edna won't make 98.
Binky: "Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday. Whoop-de-doo, whoop-de-doo. May your day be pleasant. Open up your present just for you, just for you." [from Peace and Quiet]
- "People who sing like that should be drugged out into the street and shot. Or worse, listen to a recording of themselves singing. - Garfield
- Jon: Well guys, how would you like to experience something real scary?
Garfield: Hmmm, Jon's gonna sing.
Jon: Something so spooky you'll never get over it.
Garfield: Hmmm, he's gonna sing and dance.
- Jon: Don't you realize how wrong it was to try and mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi?
Garfield: You're right. Egypt's further.
- Garfield: Are there any questions?
Audience member: Uh, yeah! Is wrestling fixed?
Garfield: Excuse me. I should have asked, "Are there any intelligent questions? [from All About Odie]
- "Anyone who sings like that should be drug out into the street and shot. Or worse, made to listen to a tape of themselves." ~Garfield [from Garfield's Moving Experience]
- "Garfield's been a very bad dog lately. I'm gonna teach him a lesson she'll never forget." ~Jon [from Mistakes Will Happen]
- Garfield: [to Odie] Can you imagine Pete trying to scare us?
Odie: [actually speaking] I don't know, I'm kinda scared. [from Mistakes Will Happen]
- Jon: Garfield! How did you get here?
Garfield: Knowing you, it was probably economy coach.
- "What luck. Jon finally gets a decent quantity of food in the house and it had to be yogurt." ~Garfield [from Twice Told Tale]
- "You should never say, 'Things can't possibly get any worse.' Things'll always find a way." ~Garfield
- Garfield's "Abu Dhabi" song to Nermal:
Abu Dhabi, it's far away
Abu Dhabi, that's where you'll stay
Abu Dhabi, the place to be
For any kitten who's annoying me, yeah!
Abu Dhabi, it's off the track
Abu Dhabi, now don't come back
Abu Dhabi, it's quite a thrill
For any kitten who can make me ill!
Now some take a train, and some take a plane
But I am sending you
Not on a boat, or even by goat
But in a box marked "Postage Due"
Abu Dhabi, you're what they lack
Abu Dhabi, now you're all packed
Abu Dhabi, a far commute
For any kitten who is too darn cute!
- "That's the mad scientist's assistant, Igor. Mad scientists' assistants are always named Igor. It's, like, a law." ~Garfield
- "For a while, [Binky] even hosted the wrestling matches. The wrestlers complained he was loud, they couldn't study their scripts." ~Garfield [from Binky Gets Cancelled, Again!]
- "You know what the sad part is? This is the sixth time Jon's taken me camping, and it's still the most fun I've ever had." ~Garfield [from The Bear Facts]
- "...Look what you've found. Do you know what this is, Odie? No, it's not a ball. It's the Klopman Diamond. A priceless gem, as well as a pointless running gag on a popular Saturday morning cartoon series." ~Garfield
- TV announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Odie and Friends!
Garfield: Odie and Friends? ...We are very close to the end of civilization as we know it.
Floyd: What a disgusting, insulting, unfair TV show. Bet it's a hit, though. [from Attention Getting Garfield]
- Garfield: Where's the ball, Odie? Stupid creatures love to fetch a ball.
Jon: (angrily walks up with the ball) You're annoying us, Garfield.
Garfield: Like I said.
- Judge: "Order in the court."
Binky: I'll have a ham on rye. Hold the mayo! (laughs)
Garfield: That's the real Binky.
Judge: Arrest that phony!
Stinky Davis: Hey, you can't do this to me! I'll get you for this, cat!
Garfield: The real Binky could never resist a very old joke. [from Binky Goes Bad]
- "In the history of mankind, no two people have ever been able to agree on the toppings for pizza." ~Garfield [from Binky Gets Cancelled, Again!]
- "This will scare the pants off those three or my name isn't June Arburkle!" ~Jon
- "You! You're not Sylvia! You're one of the Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage!... Two!" ~Man in the movie Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage II [from Video Airlines]
- "If this guy's a lawman, then I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." ~Garfield [from Speed Trap]
- "A beautiful woman is interested in Jon and you're asking what's wrong? How long have you been on this show?" ~Garfield, to Odie
- "I'll see your horse, and raise you... a grand piano... and the mayor of Davenport, Iowa!" ~Garfield during a game of poker [from The Lasagna Zone]
- "Kids! Check your TV listings. Make sure this isn't the last episode!" ~Garfield
- Floyd: Just remember this moment, Garfield, 'cause there'll eventually come the day you'll beg me to do this show. But you know what? I won't be available. I'll be working for, uh, Disney or somebody.
Garfield: Who's he kidding? Disney's up to here with mice on their contract. [from The Floyd Story]
- "Good morning. Sometimes, on the show, we like to teach you something a little educational. No, no! Don't change the channel! It's not that educational!" ~Garfield
- "Let me think how to solve this. Maybe I can call the Ghostbusters! Nah... that show was cancelled." ~Garfield [from Ghost of a Chance]
- Jon: Garfield, come back here with that! I said you could have a light snack.
Garfield: This is a light snack! A big snack includes soup. [from Beddy Buy]
- "This is much better than sending him to Abu Dhabi, and it saves on stamps." ~Garfield, after locking Nermal in a jail cell [from Well-Fed Feline]
- Jon: We'll go to that new multiplex in town. They have 37 screens.
Garfield: All of which will be showing Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage 2. [from Video Airlines]
- "Odie, that is not a watch. That is a head of cabbage. There is a difference." ~Garfield [from Dirty Business]
- Jon: I'll put a stop to this or my name is mud!
Garfield: "Mud" should be back any minute now.
Jon: (returns, covered with mud on his face) Hello, my name is Mud.
Garfield: We were expecting you. [ from Dirty Business]
- Jon: Garfield look at you! You need to get in shape!
Garfield: Round is a shape.
- Garfield: [to viewers] From time to time on this show, we like to bring you something a little educational. [a hand holding a remote control appears, startling Garfield] No, no! Don't change channels! It's not that educational.
- Garfield (to Odie) Rule number 1 in being a sidekick. Never dress better than the hero. [from The Caped Avenger]
- Jon: It is a great honor to be in your presence, Your Highness.
Sultan: Oh, you don't have to call me Your Highness. Now, you can call me Ali. Or you can call me Wally. Or you can call me Ben. Or you can call me Benny. Or you can call me Ali Ben. Or you can call me Ali Ben, Jr. Or you can call me Junior. Or you can call me Ali, Jr. Or you can call me Sonny. Or you can call me Ali Benny, Jr. Or you can call me Junie. Or you can call Johnny. Or you can call me Benjie. Or you can call me Benjie, Jr. Or you can call me Ray. Or you can call me Jay. Or you can call me Ray Jay. Or you can call me R.J.J. [from Ally Katta and the 40 Thieves]
- Jon: That's not a hot dog! That's a hot dog truck! I hope you feel like a complete idiot! [from the quickie Hot Dog Truck]
Quotes from U.S. AcresEdit
- Wade: It's National Don't Mention Meat Or Someone Will Hit You With a Banana Cream Pie Day! If you mention a kind of meat, someone will hit you with a banana cream pie!
Roy: What? You mean I'll get hit with a banana cream pie if I mention, oh say, prime rib? (a pie hits him) That's a lot of baloney! (another pie hits him) Who do I complain to? I have a real beef! (a third pie hits him) Y'know what?! There's just too much at stake! (a fourth pie hits him) I said stake. S-T-A-K-E. Not steak, S-T-E-A-K. (a fifth pie hits him)
(After Roy has quit the show) Wade: Roy's quit for good? Oh, now we are in a stew! (Hit with a pie)
Orson: Wade, that's what you get for being so frank. (Hit with a pie) [from Big Bad Buddy Bird]
- Orson: ...Maybe you'll look like me.
Sheldon: Are you trying to scare me? [from Shell Shocked Sheldon]
- Booker: Roy, why are you playing the wake-up call now? It's nine-thirty!
Roy: I'm on daylight savings' time. [from Return of Power Pig]
- "Hello, I'm Big Bad Buddy Bird. I never agree with the group. I set a bad example for impressionable children everywhere." ~Roy [from Big Bad Buddy Bird]
- Booker: Let's turn [the princess in the changed Cinderella story] into a cowgirl.
Sheldon: No, a spacesuit. She's an astronaut.
Booker: Even better, let's make her a race car driver and she's got an evil twin.
Orson: No, she's a princess and there's only one of her!
[from Bedtime Story Blues]
- "You will lose all your feathers during a total eclipse on Arbor day while listening to The Marine Corps Band playing "Home on the range" and watching a badminton match between two guys named Ichabod." ~Roy's fortune cookie [from Fortune Kooky]
- Wade: Roy, your favorite show is on!
Roy: Garfield and Friends?! [from Badtime Story]
- "And so Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky, Ducky Wucky, Piggy Wiggy, Sheepy Creepy, Lamby Wamby, Puppy Wuppy, Goosey Poosey, Horsey Worsey, Weasel Geasel, Turkey Lurkey, Hawky Tawky, Foxy Woxy, Eggy Leggy, Wooly Bully, Catty Fatty, Beaver Cleaver, Wormy Squirmy, Hoggy Woggy, Rooster Shooster, Fishy Wishy, Apey Wapey, Toady Woady, Mallard Ballard, Hippo Zippo, Mousey Wousey, and Chicky Wicky all went to see the king." ~Wade, reading Chicken Licken
[from Badtime Story]
- Roy: Read to the chicks? I can do that.
Wade: As can I! I wanna read to them.
Roy: I'm going to read to them.
Wade: No, I'm going to read to them.
Roy: Au contraire, ducko.
Wade: I don't care if you can speak Spanish, I'm still gonna read to them!
[from Badtime Story]
- "[The CD is] stuck! That's what I get for buying a stereo from a horse." ~Roy [from Wanted: Wade]
- Roy: At this rate, I'll be done [putting the grain back in the silo] in time for Christmas.
Sheldon: What year?
Roy: That I'm not sure of. [from Unidentified Flying Orson]
- Wade: Everyone thinks I'm a coward, and I resent it.
Orson: Wade, you are a coward.
Wade: That's why I resent it. [from Shy Fly Guy]
- Orson: Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Roy: No more than usual.
- "You are bullies! You are nasty swines, you are. I would say that you are not fit to eat with pigs, except for the fact that you are pigs." ~Wade, confronting Orson's brothers [from Show Stoppers]
- Orson: Now I'd like to do a little dance for you.
Roy: Don't! My earthquake insurance isn't paid up.
Orson: I am not fat! I have the body of a supreme athlete!
Roy: Well, give it back! You're getting it all stretched out of shape.
Orson: Roy, aren't you supposed to be selling tickets at the door?
Roy: What? And miss my chance to heckle you, Pignose?
Orson: well in that case, I won't dance."[The entire audience applauds] [from Show Stoppers]
- Booker: What do you get when you cross a lasagna-loving cat with a bunch of zany farm animals?
Sheldon: You get picked up for another season. [from Show Stoppers]
- "Man, I wish I had a line in this episode." ~Bo [from Cock-a-Doodle Dandy]
- Roy: Orson! The chickens is missing!
Orson: Shouldn't that be the chickens are missing? You see, chickens is plural, so of course you need a plural verb--
Roy: Oh, great! The weasel has the chickens, and you're teaching grammar! [from The Bunny Rabbits Is Coming!]
- "What do you mean this is the only show you could get me on? Isn't Hanna-Barbera casting? What about cable? I heard they're doing a funny version of Ren and Stimpy." ~Roy, talking on phone to Bernie [from The Incredibly Stupid Swamp Monster]
- Orson: (reading Rumpelstiltskin) After the king let the son out, the little man offered the son a deal.
Rumpelstiltskin (Roy): You can keep your VCR if you can guess my name.
Miller's son (Wade): Guess your name? Ha! That oughta be a cinch! Is it Fred?
Rumpelstiltskin: No.
Miller's son: Sam?
Rumpelstiltskin: No.
Miller's son: Elliot?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope!
Miller's son: Jason?
Rumpelstiltskin: No way.
Orson: The son just kept on guessing far into the night...
Miller's son: Irving? Floyd? Ichabod? Michael? Sidney? John? Paul? George? Ringo? Larry? Moe? Curly? Shemp? Howie? Frank?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope.
Orson: ...but without success.
Miller's son: Arbuthnot? Trallfaz? Sting? Prince? Engelburt?
Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry, you only get one more guess.
Pizzaman (Bo): Hey, like, hi there, Rumpelstiltskin. Qué pasa?
Miller's son: I know it! I know your name! Your name is...
Roy: (grabs the book from Orson) But before the duck-son could say the name, a hurricane came up!
Orson: A hurricane!?
Roy: Yes, a hurricane. And it blew the duck away, so he couldn't take his VCR back.
Wade: Uno momento!
Orson: Guys!
Wade: Then a spaceship came by! And it rescued the handsome duck and flew him back to reclaim his VCR.
Orson: Guys, stop this!
Roy: But the rooster was determined to get it back with the aid of his trained dinosaurs!
Orson: Trained dinosaurs? Where did the trained dinosaurs come from?
Roy: Same place all those ninjas came from.
Wade: But then the Third Marine Division landed with their Anti-Trained Dinosaur Squadron.
Roy: But the Mole People were too smart for the Marines!
Orson: Guys! [from The Name Game]
- Wade: (looks at the "U.S. Acres Quickie" logo) Orson, what's a quickie?
Orson: It's a short joke.
Booker: (entering) I don't like jokes about being short!
Orson: Well, it's not a joke about being short, Booker; it's a joke that is short.
Roy: (entering with Bo) But couldn't you do a short joke about someone being short?
Bo: You could even do a long joke about someone being short.
Roy: Then that'd be a long short joke!
Orson: Enough already! A quickie is a joke that's only 45 seconds, and it's--
Sheldon: (entering) Time's up!
Wade: (as the camera fades out) Shucks! I never found out what a quickie was.
- Roy: (considering moving onto the Buddy Bears' show) You [the Buddy Bears] won't hit me with pies?
Bobby Buddy Bear: Oh no!
Billy Buddy Bear: We never hit anyone with pies!
Bertie Buddy Bear: That's not educational and uplifting!
All Buddy Bears: We never do anything that's not educational and uplifting! [from Big Bad Buddy Bird]
- Maurice: I take people into fantasy sequences and show them what the world would be like if they had never lived.
Wade: Oh yeah. Like that movie they show seven million times every Christmas. [from It's A Wonderful Wade]
- Roy: Orson, tell me the name of the new worker in the tool shed.
Orson: What.
Roy: Tell me the name of the new worker in the tool shed.
Orson: What.
Roy: Who is the guy in the tool shed?!
Orson: No, Who is fixing the roof.
Roy: [grabbing the clipboard] I don't care about the roof! Where is the name of the guy in the shed?
Orson: No, Where is the name of the guy plowing the field.
Roy: Who's plowing the field?
Orson: No, Who's fixing the roof.
Wade: Orson, what is the name of the guy fixing the roof?
Orson: No, What is the name of the guy cleaning the tool shed.
Wade: Who's cleaning the tool shed?!
Orson: No, Who's fixing the roof.
Roy: Who is the guy plowing the field?!
Orson: No, Who is fixing the roof. Where is the guy plowing the field.
Roy: How should I know?! What is his name?!
Orson: No, What is the name of the brother cleaning the shed.
Wade: Whose brother?
Orson: Of course.
Roy: Orson, who is fixing the roof, what is the name of the guy cleaning the shed, and where is the other brother?!
Orson: You finally got it. [from Who Done It?]
- Judge Orson: Wade Duck, you are charged with tearing the tag off a pillow. How do you plead?
Wade: I did it! I did it! I'm glad I did it! [Laughs maniacally] And I'd do it again.
Judge: I sentence you to 9,999 years in prison!
Wade: [Sighs] At least I didn't get life.[from Wanted: Wade!]
- "Warning! Do not remove this tag under penalty of law. Penal code 7756". [The tag Wade pulled off Orson's couch, from Wanted: Wade!]
- Aloysius: Just what do you think you're doing here, may I ask?
Orson: Oh, we're doing our version of the book Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak.
Aloysius: This is a cartoon show, not Masterpiece Theatre. Strike the set! [From Kiddie Korner]
Garfield's Introductory LinesEdit
- "You folks have this confused. I'm real, and you're animated." [from Episode 1]
- "I just checked the TV listings; I'm the only thing on right now." [from Episode 2]
- "Smart kids watch this show; other kids change the channel." [from Episode 3]
- "Maybe not as funny as pro wrestling, but a lot more realistic." [from Episode 4]
- "This show is K-rated - no adults unless accompanied by a kid." [from Episode 5]
- "Pay careful attention, everyone; there'll be a quiz later." [from Episode 6]
- "The Garfield Guarantee - no giant robots or annoying little blue people." [from Episode 7]
- "So if someone wants you to change the channel, kids, just say no." [from Episode 8]
- "Don't forget, kids, look both ways before crossing your teacher." [from Episode 9]
- "Hey, Heathcliff! Eat your heart out!" [from Episode 10]
- "Beware of imitations, accept no substitutes. Batteries not included." [from Episode 11]
- "You notice how every week I say something different here?" [from Episodes 12, 43, 61]
- "Hey you, the kid who missed last week's show! You'd better have a good excuse." [from Episodes 13, 46, 48, 63]
- "I suppose you're all wondering why I asked you here today." [from Episodes 14 and 15]
- "And just remember what you paid to get in." [from Episodes 16, 17, 40, and 69]
- "A funny thing happened to me on my way to my cartoon show." [from Episodes 18 and 19]
- "Hey you, chewing the gum! I hope you brought enough for everybody." [from Episodes 20 and 21]
- "Eat and be lazy, kids, and someday you'll have your own show too." [from Episodes 22 and 23]
- "Sell your remote control. I'm the best thing on." [from Episodes 24 and 25]
- "I can't believe we get away with this every week." [from Episodes 26 and 27]
- "Today featuring Binky the Clown, so turn up the volume, kids!" [from Episodes 28 and 29]
- "Don't try any of this at home, kids. We're professionals." [from Episodes 30 and 31]
- "Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist? My lips never move." [from Episodes 32 and 33]
- "This offer void where prohibited. Some restrictions may apply. Batteries not included." [from Episodes 34 and 35]
- "We've got to stop that chicken from writing on my logo every week." [from Episodes 36 and 37]
- "Garfield and Friends is taped in front of an animated studio audience." [from Episodes 38 and 39]
- "And a special hello to all you wonderful Nielsen families out there." [from Episode 41]
- "And pay attention; there'll be a test at the end." [from Episodes 42, 59]
- "Change channels and you'll never see your dog again." [from Episode 44]
- "Today's show is brought to you by the letter K and the number 9." [from Episode 45]
- "It doesn't start until the fat lady screams." [from Episodes 47 and 55]
- "My lips never move. Wouldn't I make a great ventriloquist?" [from Episodes 49. 65]
- "I'd like to buy a vowel, please." [from Episode 50]
- "In a moment, I'll wave my finger and the music will stop." [from Episode 51]
- "I'll be back right after they sell you stuff." [from Episode 52]
- "Enough of this entertainment jazz; let's have some commercials." [from Episode 53]
- "Here are some commercials and then, more of me." [from Episode 56]
- "Garfield and Friends will be right back. At least I'll be." [from Episode 57]
- "The Buddy Bears are on the show today, folks, so keep that channel changer handy." [from Episode 58]
- "Just think of me as like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Pussycat." [from Episode 60]
- "This show is the only possible reason for getting up this early." [from Episode 62]
- "Thank you. You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the cartoon show." [from Episode 64]
- "I'm sick of those singers. Can we get some, like, Elvis impersonators for next week?" [from Episode 66]
- "Welcome to my world. Did you bring food?" [from Episode 67]
- "Hey, I'll return the favor. When you get your own cartoon show, I'll watch." [from Episode 68]
- "Serving cartoon watchers the world over since 1988." [from Episode 70]
- "This show is the most fun you can have without marinara sauce." [from Episode 71]
- "When they invented television, this is pretty much what they had in mind." [from Episode 72]
- "I haven't had so much fun since Nermal fell in the mud." [from Episode 73]
- "The following is made possible by a grant from the Lasagna Manufacturers of America." [from Episode 74]
- "Today's show is dedicated to loyal and courageous pizza delivery persons everywhere." [from Episode 75]
- "If you can find a better show on television, watch it!" [from Episode 76]
- "If this show were any more entertaining, we'd be on Pay-Per-View." [from Episode 77]
- "If you like this show, tell a friend. If you don't like it, my name is Heathcliff." [from Episode 78]
- "Where else can you get this much comedy for your viewing dollar?" [from Episode 79]
- "The only cartoon show that comes with a double-your-money-back guarantee." [from Episode 80]
- "And for my next trick, I will make the rest of the show magically appear!" [from Episode 81]
- "We're environmentally sound; all of today's jokes are recycled from last week's show." [from Episode 82]
- "Reproductions of the accounts and descriptions of this cartoon show is prohibited." [from Episode 83]
- "And make sure you stick around after the show for the big cast party." [from Episode 84]
- "If you could only watch one TV show this year, this is the one to watch." [from Episode 85]
- "Hey, you could watch some other show, but why would you want to?" [from Episode 86]
- "And don't let your dog watch this show. It's too good for him." [from Episode 87]
- "Today's show is brought to you in color unless the artists ran out of crayons." [from Episode 88]
- "You'll like today's show, folks. No Binky, no Nermal, no Buddy Bears - just a lot of me." [from Episode 89]
- "Today's show is inspected for your safety by number 29." [from Episodes 90 and 95]
- "Don't bother checking NBC, kids. They're not running cartoons anymore." [from Episode 91, although replaced with the quote above it]
- "Everything else you watch on TV this week will just be anti-climatic." [from Episodes 91 and 94]
- "If a tree falls while our sound effects man is at lunch, does it make a sound?" [from Episodes 92 and 93]
- "Penelope's back today, folks. Some women just can't get enough of me." [from Episodes 96 and 97]
- "Critics agree - of all the TV shows on today, this is probably one of them." [from Episodes 98 and 99]
- "Think of a number between 1 and 10. The number you're thinking of is 7." [from Episodes 100 and 101]
- "And keep watching, or we'll have to change into a shopping network and sell bad jewelry." [from Episodes 102 and 104]
- "Today is Hit-a-Duck-in-the-Face-With-a-Lemon-Meringue-Pie Day! We'll explain later." [from Episodes 103 and 105]
- "I was gonna do something spontaneous here, but I've been too busy to plan it." [from Episodes 106, 109, 119 and 120]
- "The cartoon show to watch when you won't settle for just any cartoon show." [from Episodes 107, 108, and 113]
- "The funniest show on TV that doesn't have a 1-800 number to buy cheap junk." [from Episode 110]
- "Today, featuring the return of the Singing Ants! Boy, they have a good agent." [from Episode 111]
- "Penelope is singing today, folks, so don't leave any expensive glassware near the TV." [From Episode 112]
- "Today, a Saturday morning investigative report - where did all those Smurfs go?" [from Episode 114]
- "This show is the answer. Unfortunately, no one's figured out the question yet." [From Episode 115]
- "Today, a look into our writer's joke file! That's right, we examine both jokes." [from Episodes 116 and 119]
- "The longest-running show on this channel, except for the news which is unfortunately funnier." [from Episode 117]
- "Today, an encore performance of our report 'Are There Too Many Reruns on Cartoon Shows'?" [from Episode 118]
- "After seven seasons, we've pretty much said everything you can say in this spot." [From the final episode]
List of Garfield's Annoying ThingsEdit
- Slippery stage floors
- People on TV who forget their script
- Anchovies on pizza (Putting anchovies on pizza is either a felony or should be.)
- Door-to-door alligator salesmen (We have quite all the alligators we need, thank you.)
- People who make you watch home movies of their goldfish. (This must come to a screeching halt.)
- Nermal (Need I say more?)
- That kid who reminds the teacher she forgot to assign homework.
- Those little cards that fall out of magazines.
- "So... what's your sign?"
- "Mind if I share an experience with you?"
- "I really need to know where my head is at." (Try looking above your shoulders on that little neck-like thing.)
- "Let's savor the moment."
- People who carry around pictures of their power tools.
- People who leave their Christmas decorations up until July.
- People who put them up in August.
- Nermal. (Again.)
- Doggie tongue. (Very dangerous.)
The instruction man—Being interrupted in the middle of your show.
- Those instruction manuals that come with things that have to be assembled.
- Dogs. Dogs stink! They're stupid! They're useless! They're... They're... (Later revealed to be written by Nermal.)
- Guys who don't know when to get off-camera.
The Picnic PanicEdit
- Jon: On a sunny Tuesday, we took a little hike...
- Garfield: ...to deep within the mountains and a lake we kinda like.
- Jon: We brought along a picnic lunch we thought would last a day.
- Garfield: Providing that we stop at several diners on the way.
- Jon: We packed up each necessity and took it to the spot.
- Garfield: Except, of course, for ketchup which Jon Arbuckle forgot.
- Jon: The picnic would be perfect. You could tell that at a glance.
- Garfield and Jon: Unless, of course, we ran into a colony of ants.
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who ruin your dinner
- We're always here to mess up any day
- When we're around, every camper gets thinner
- Cause if we get the chance, we will take your food away
- Jon: I told my pets we should all go for a run
- The cat said he would take a nap until we both were done
- We started running, but one thought had me concerned
- I warned him not to touch the food until we both returned
- Garfield: I made a solemn promise not to eat a single crumb
- And then they both went jogging, which I frankly think is dumb
- I settled down to have a sleep and practice self-control
- And didn't notice our lunch was going for a stroll
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who plunder and steal
- We leave each camper hungry and distraught
- When we're around, you won't get a meal
- Cause if we get the chance, we will eat the stuff you brought
- Garfield: I dreamed of eating most everything I saw
- And woke up with a craving for a sandwich and some slaw
- But, when I reached, I instead got something weird
- It seemed as though our picnic lunch had up and disappeared
- I couldn't find it anywhere, I didn't have a hunch
- Except that Jon would blame me for the absence of our lunch
- I knew I was in trouble and I felt the nervous chill
- And then I saw our picnic doing 90 up a hill
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who take your bologna
- We're always very tedious and shrewd
- We'll steal the cheese off your macaroni
- Cause if we get the chance, we will run off with your food
- Garfield: I hurried after our lightning-footed snack
- I guess they saw me coming cause they quickly doubled back
- I followed closely the smell of layer cake
- And found I took a shortcut that led right into the lake
- They thought that I'd surrendered just as soon as I got dry
- But I caught the scent of Jon's banana pudding pie
- I thought I saw them hiding right behind a bunch of trees
- But found instead I dove into a hive of honeybees
- Ants:
- Oh, we're the ants who leave you starving
- We'll clean you out, no matter when or how
- When we're around, don't bother carving
- Cause if we get the chance, we will take away your chow
- Garfield: I could just imagine what Jon was gonna say
- Jon: (speaking) You promised not to eat the food while we were both away
- Garfield: He wouldn't understand that I'd attempted to give chase
- I tried to find their secret stolen picnic hiding place
- I only found an empty basket underneath a shrub
- But maybe I could make like I was someone else's grub
- I did my best to sound just like a BLT on rye
- And pretty soon they heard it and the ants came running by
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who leave you hollow
- We're on call each day and every night
- When we're around, you don't get a swallow
- Cause if we get the chance, we will not leave you a bite
- Garfield: I thought they'd fallen for my inventive scheme
- Instead they took the basket and they threw it in the stream
- I zoomed along the river like a Wabash cannonball
- The river, I am sad to say, contained a waterfall
- I sputtered and I struggled and I very nearly drowned
- It took a lot of swimming, but I made it to the ground
- I staggered for our campground which was somewhere to the east
- The ants all celebrated by enjoying quite a feast
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who make you diet
- You may think you can eat your lunch and split
- When we're around, don't even try it
- Cause if we get the chance, we will mop up every bit
- Garfield: When I got back, Jon had finished up his jog
- He came back to the campsite with the dumb and hungry dog
- Jon: I had a real craving for some sandwiches and pie
- The lack of any lunch around did not escape my eye
- Garfield: He said a lot of angry things it's best I don't repeat
- I tried to tell him 'bout the ants that took away our meat
- Jon: I said I thought his story sounded absolutely fake
- Garfield:The ants came to my rescue and they threw him in the lake
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who took your salad
- We didn't even leave an I.O.U.
- When we're around, your plans are invalid
- Cause if we get the chance, we will gobble up your stew
- Jon: (speaking) So there we were, many miles from a store
- Our stomachs all were empty as we stood there by the shore
- I said (still speaking) "We should head home, for whatever we could find"
- The cat said we should go ahead, but he would stay behind
- Garfield: I went to see the insects for a favor they could grant
- And asked them to accept me as an honorary ant
- I knew Jon wouldn't understand and neither would the pup
- (speaking) If you can't beat an enemy, consider joining up
- Garfield with Ants: Oh, we're the ants who ruin your dinner
- We're always here to mess up any day
- When we're around, every camper gets thinner
- And if we get the chance, we will take your food away
- Onlooker:(spoken) That's the second biggest ant I ever saw!
(Garfield and ants repeat last chorus)
The Ocean BlueEdit
- Three weeks ago, maybe four
- A man named Jon took his pets to the shore
- He packed a picnic much larger than most
- Which quickly vanished en route to the coast
- Jon went swimming when they got to the beach
- When suddenly he heard somebody screech
- A man who worked on a nearby pier
- Yelled that a shark had been sighted 'round here
- From the water, Jon quickly fled
- And he decided to go fishing instead
- Jon: [chuckles] Wading is fine, but I'd really rather go fishing.
- Garfield: Gee, I wonder why.
- He set his tackle and his fishing gear up
- And that's when the kitty turned and said to the pup
- "The only thing that Jon will catch is a cold.
- I have a hunger that must be controlled."
- That's when the Odie dog happened to note
- The harbor's pizza delivery boat
- On a yacht or on a canoe
- To order pizza here's what you should do
- Send up a flag and they'll bring one to you
- Out there on the ocean blue
- (Piping hot pizza, man)
- You can order a pizza with ease
- Just raise up a flag for a jumbo with cheese
- A red pennant brings a mushroom-sardine
- For pepperoni just run up the green
- Two silver flags means that garlic's a must
- Just run up a yellow for extra thick crust
- A man with a mustache who works on the cove
- Prepares your order right on the stove
- You will receive it by ship or by barge
- In 30 minutes or there is no charge
- Hearing this caused the cat to decide,
- "I think we oughta go for a ride"
- Odie: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
- But despite the poor puppy dog's plea
- They found a boat and they put out to sea
- Though neither one of the pets could steer
- Or were aware of a visitor near
- The way to sail, they hadn't a clue
- The cat and the puppy were quite in a stew
- Without a captain or even a crew
- Out there on the ocean blue
- (Oh, they in big trouble, man)
- They try to order a pizza by flag
- But almost at once they ran into a snag
- Garfield said, "I just cannot recall,
- Does gray get you olives or a spicy meatball?
- Sausage is orange or maybe chartreuse
- No, wait. The pink was Canadian bacon
- Or was that the stripes? No, the stripes were for zebra."
- And all of the time they were motoring loose
- Watching them sail from up on the dock
- Jonathan Arbuckle went into shock
- "Those are my pets!" we heard Arbuckle say.
- "They're in a boat and they're floating away!"
- Arbuckle ran out to yell to their ship
- And that is when he embarked on a trip
- Jonathan found himself soaring through air
- Fortunately, they were sailing past there
- That's when he noticed, with mournful regrets
- That he was in the same boat as his pets
- It looked as if they were all through
- As they were headed for Southern Peru
- The cat and the dog and Jon Arbuckle, too
- Out there on the ocean blue
- (Oh, they goners for sure)
- Arbuckle said, "We are all in a mess"
- And he attempted a call of distress
- All he could raise on the boat's radio
- Was what they call a talk radio show
- "I said, turn your radio down"
- "What? I can't hear you."
- "Turn your radio down."
- "Hold on.
- And as they moaned at the fore of the craft
- Someone was nibbling away at the aft
- It was the puppy who noticed the sound
- Went to investigate what could be found
- He could not see 'cause the water was dark
- Until a beam of sun lit on the shark
- He gave a howl they heard in Quebec
- They had a visitor eating the deck
- Which bought the following thought from the cat
- "I've never been quite as hungry as that!"
- As they stood there and the shark ate the boat
- They had but moments remaining afloat
- There was a shark that they could not subdue
- Garfield: Eating the ship without pausing to chew
- Hinting the next course could maybe be you
- Out there on the ocean blue
- (Very little boat left, man)
- Just then a diver jumped up and unmasked
- "Who ordered pizza?" the visitor asked
- Garfield said, "It had better be dry"
- And he made Arbuckle pay for the pie
- Diver: I so love swimming through shark-infested waters to earn a 10-cent tip.
- Jon asked him, "How can you eat when we're doomed?"
- By now, the shark had their boat half-consumed
- Twenty more bites and they'd be in the ocean
- That's when the cat had an obvious notion
- "Maybe he'd like a more edible dish"
- And so the cat gave the pie to the fish
- Fish was so grateful and yearning for more
- Gave them a ride safe and sound to the shore
- They told the folks, "If you want a safe bay,
- Feed the shark pizza three times every day"
- (Dialogue break)
- Man #1: The shark was just hungry?
- Man #2: I guess everyone has to eat.
- Man #1: We'll arrange it, so whenever he wants pizza, he'll get it.
- (The shark dives back into the ocean.)
- Garfield: How do I get that deal?
- Oh, how do I know all that happened at sea?
- Simple enough, for the sharky was me
- Now when I'm starving, I know what to do
- Order a pizza or maybe a few
- Since I'm not hungry, it's safe in my view
- Out there on the ocean blue
- Garfield: Not anchovies again!
- Shark: I'm a shark! I like them!
- Garfield: I'd rather eat the boat.
Another Ant EpisodeEdit
- Garfield: On a Tuesday morning, I got out of bed
- I stumbled to the kitchen & demanded to be fed
- Pancakes & sausage usually appeared
- But this time, the chef was doing something kinda weird
- Jon I didn't have the time to cook a meal for my cat
- For something had invaded our domestic habitat
- At first I wasn't sure of it but then I had to know:
- Both: The ants we met last season were returning to the show!
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants you met last season
- We are back by popular demand
- When we're around we need no reason
- To take away your lunch and any food you have on hand
- Garfield: Since Jon was busy, I went to help myself
- I took some bread & got a jar of jelly from the shelf
- Making a sandwich can be alot of fun
- But boy, is it annoying when your sandwich starts to run
- I chased it through the living room, I chased it through the bath
- No matter where my sandwich went, I followed every path
- I chased it through the neighbor's yard & right into a shed
- And there I found a pit bull, so I turned & quickly fled!
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who merit a sequel
- We have come to steal all your food
- When we're around we have no equal
- So open up your freezer & forgive if we intrude
- Jon: I thought I'd get them with ant-repellent spray
- The ants grabbed up the can from me & chased me far away
- Garfield: I tried to stop them with traps across the floor
- The ants came in & picked me up & threw me out the door
- Both: We wound up on the outside & we both were very shocked
- Jon: I tried to get back in but found the doors had all been locked
- Both: The ants had taken over things, we had nowhere to go
- Garfield: (speaking) "I think the time has come", I said, "to call a real pro"
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who got all that mail
- We are here at so many requests
- When we're around you can't help but fail
- And that is why your home is overrun with little pests
- Both: We ran to a phone booth & called around the town
- Jon: I wasn't gonna take this thing just meekly lying down
- Garfield: An ad for Crater Pest Control seemed guaranteed to please
- It promised he could rid your home of insects, bugs, & fleas
- Jon: I called up Mr. Crater & I told him of our tiff
- He said he'd grab his gear up & be over in a jiff
- I told the cat the good news as I hung up on the phone
- Both: And all the time the ants were celebrating, home alone
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who kicked your butts out
- We are here to clean out all your shelves
- When we're around leave chips & nuts out
- We'll open up your cabinets & doors & help ourselves
- Both: We waited & waited & sat there in the road
- And when we'd almost given up, the bug man finally showed
- Crater: (speaking)
- My name is Mr. Crater
- I'm a bug eliminator
- And I ain't no second-rater, let's be clear!
- Each morning I am tested
- When some new house is infested
- And I quickly am requested to appear
- When some big rat encroaches
- Or a locust swarm approaches
- Or your home is filled with roaches 3 feet high
- From here to the equator
- Everyone knows Mr. Crater
- I'm the best exterminator
- Pay me now or pay me later
- I'm the best exterminator you can buy
- Jon: So Mr. Crater was hired for the job
- Garfield: He headed for the house to face a most unruly mob
- Jon: He tried to spray where he thought an ant could lurk
- Garfield: We told him that we tried that & it really didn't work
- Jon: A special powder might get the ants in hand
- Garfield: The ants all took up skating in a winter wonderland
- Jon: Then he attempted to catch them in a flood
- Garfield: The ants grabbed Mr. Crater & they threw him in the mud!
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who never get beaten
- We came back to liven up your show
- When we're around your food will get eaten
- And anything around that we can't eat, we'll take to go!
- Jon: Crater announced it was time for an attack
- Garfield: He ran down to his truck & got a robot from the back
- Crater: (speaking) Yours truly, Mr. Crater
- Is the bold originator
- Of a bug annihilator worlds apart
- Jon: It seems a bit exotic...
- Garfield: Maybe even idiotic...
- Crater: (speaking) But he's truly a robotic work of art
- And as I turn on the power
- Watch the bugs all start to cower
- He'll be done in half an hour
- Smooth as pie
- When they see my terminator
- They will run & hop a freighter
- Jon: (speaking) So if you're an insect hater
- Call your local operator
- Garfield: (speaking) Ask for Mr. Leo Crater
- He's the best exterminator...
- All: ...you can buy!
- Garfield: I couldn't wait til he made the robot go
- But then I saw he had the robot's power set on "low"
- Knowing exactly how tough the ants could be
- I turned the power dial to the maximum degree
- It started in to blinking & to do whatever else
- And that is when I found my paw was caught up in its belts
- The robot started for the house & hurried right inside
- And guess who found himself along for quite a bumpy ride?!
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who reign undefeated
- We are back 'cause people like our song...
- Lead Ant: (spoken) Forget the chorus, guys! Let's scram!
- Jon: (speaking) "My job is done", Crater foolishly intoned
- Garfield: The ants were gone & so was almost everything we owned
- Jon: (speaking) Just for a moment, I said I wouldn't pay
- Garfield: But then he was reminded Crater's friend would find a way
- Jon: We sat there in the rubble, feeling sad & most deprived
- Garfield: I found a can of cat food that amazingly survived
- Jon: I said (speaking) "Look at the rosy future that we have in store
- Both: (speaking) At least we'll never see those ants again forevermore!"
- Ants: Oh, we're the ants who cannot be killed here
- Even if you wreck your whole abode
- We'll be back after you rebuild here
- 'Cause by then it'll be time for a third ant episode
(Repeat to fade)
Jon and Garfield's workout songEdit
Jon: Here's my dumbbell.
Garfield: (pointing to Jon) Here's my dumbbell.
Jon: Here's my little rope.
Garfield: (pointing to Jon) Here's my little dope.
Jon: What's wrong with a little exercise?
Garfield: What's wrong with a little extra size?
Jon: Maybe there's still hope.
Garfield: Nope.
Jon: Let's turn this place into a gym.
Garfield: I think there's something seriously wrong with him.
Jon: Workout! Workout! That's what it's gonna take!
Garfield: Cookout! Cookout! How about a great big steak?
Jon: The road to health is paved with good intentions.
Garfield: The road to the kitchen can lead to new dimensions.
Jon: Garfield, we're gonna get in shape!
Garfield: Fat chance!
The Garfield RapEdit
- Meow
- One day I was asleep
- I heard a puppy yapping
- Can't stand dogs
- Who interrupt my napping
- So I went to have a chat with Odie
- Told the puppy dog he ought to hit the road
- He said, "No way"
- Tried to contradict me
- That was when the little puppy licked me
- Oh, how I want to kick and clobber
- When I get covered with doggy slobber
- But I was polite as I was able
- And I kicked the doggy off the table
- Landed on the floor, right in a heap
- Next time, he won't interrupt my sleep
- The guy I lived with got real sore
- I said, "Hey, what are puppies for?"
- Chorus:
- That's called being a cat
- (Lie around, get fat)
- That's what it takes to be a cat
- (Meow)
- That's called being a cat
- (Lie around, get fat)
- You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat
- Just last night
- I was having a snack
- And this guy comes in
- With a sackful of food
- He said it was really great
- Made for cats who are a little overweight
- Well, he persisted with his plan
- So I scoped the label out on the can
- Beef by-products is how they try
- To sell parts of the cow they can't identify
- Well, he said it was good for my waist
- And he forced me to take a little taste
- I thought the stuff that he brought home
- Tasted like ground up Styrofoam
- He gave me a bowl,
- But I couldn't complete it
- I said "Hey, if it's so good,
- Why don't you eat it?"
- Chorus
- Late at night I go out on the fence
- Down the street from my residence
- I bring my horn and I play a little jam
- Starting at 3:00, maybe 4:00 a.m.
- People in the building
- Right across the way
- Get a special kind of treat
- When I start their day
- Is there any better one
- To start off all their morns
- Than the coolest cat
- With the hottest of horns?
- I play some jazz, and I play some blues
- And they offer tips in the form of shoes
- Come the morning,
- They walk out on the street
- Lots of folks in their little stocking feet
- But I am pleased to make them all a deal
- Pays for a heck of a breakfast meal
- Chorus
- When I'm in the park,
- People always want to pat
- The furry head of a kitty cat
- How many times have I heard it said
- "Oh, he's cute" as they rub my head?
- It was fun long ago
- But the fun's been fading
- I used to find the thing quite degrading
- Until I came up with a solution
- All I needed was
- A little financial restitution
- People pet me now and all is fine
- Until I show them the price list on my sign
- Pet the kitty on the head and neck
- I accept credit cards, cash, or check
- And next week our special rate begins
- For folks who want to scratch me
- Under my chin
- Chorus
- When I'm around
- Women make a beeline
- When they catch sight of this classy feline
- Saturday night I pick up my date
- That's the time we must celebrate
- Some guys are trouble, some guys are fun
- I'm Michael Jackson all rolled into one
- She has more fun than she's ever known
- Still, she'll yearn for that moment alone
- That's the moment that goes to the heart
- Then I smell something and quickly depart
- What's so important
- I'll leave her with ease?
- Homemade lasagna with plenty of cheese
- This is the end of The Garfield Rap
- Now pass me a pillow, it's time for my nap
- Chorus (x2, excluding Garfield's lines)
The Garfield OperaEdit
To the tune of Dance of the Hours
Garfield: So a new day's slowly dawning.
Please forgive this cat for yawning.
I see that it's half past seven.
I think I'll go back to bed until eleven.
But the puppy (Odie) makes me cautious,
And our house guest (Nermal) makes me nauseous.
I would sleep but I'm unable.
Might as well see if my breakfast's on the table.
Where's my meal? I am starving.
Start the cooking! Start the carving!
I eat breakfast as a habit.
(referring to the lettuce) This is quite a lovely meal for a rabbit.
Make an omelette. Make a waffle,
Though your cooking's really awful.
Make me pancakes. Make me bacon.
If you think that I will eat this you're mistaken.
Jon:You're too fat! I can't keep quiet,
You're too fat, It's time to diet,
I insist.
You will not have a feast
Until you lose ten pounds at least!
No more food!
Forgive me if I'm sounding rude,
But you have got to lose some weight!
You get no more to eat,
Until, you look and see your feet!
Garfield: Hiya Odie! Whatcha doing?
How's that bone that you are chewing?
There's a rumbling in my tummy,
And that bone of yours is looking pretty yummy.
Nermal: I am Nermal. I'm a cutie!
I'm the peak of feline beauty!
Folks adore me, if they've met me!
They will line up for miles just to pet me!
Garfield: Sorry, Nermal. Not this morning.
You have had your final warning.
I have taken up a hobby:
Mailing kittens all the way to Abu Dhabi.
Un momento! Who's that person?
Why, it's Mrs Ann McPherson!
She's the chairman, undefeated,
Of a group that makes sure pets are not mistreated.
Ann McPherson: You poor cat, I heard you squeal!
You poor cat, you need a meal!
It appears
Your master doesn't give
You all the things to need to live!
(to Jon)Feed this pet!
You know this is a real threat.
If you don't, I will call the cops,
And they will send some cars
Of men to put you behind bars
Jon: Eat!
Have a bowl of shredded wheat!
Add some sugar make it sweet,
For a treat,
It's so neat
When you have fruit or berries!
Dieting is obsolete!
Have another piece of meat!
Can't be beat,
Though you cannot see your feet!
There is nothing in this world,
Like eating all that's edible!
Have some ice-cream lightly swirled,
It's really just incredible!
Eat each pie, and roll, and tart,
And do not count a calorie!
Eating is the finest art,
You should be in a gallery!
Chew! Chew! Chew!
Yes, you.
Just stuff yourself until your little tummy aches.
Bite! Bite! Bite!
All night!
Each sandwich that your
Weary kitchen master makes.
And cakes!
And steaks!
And Quakes!
And lakes of shakes!
Land sakes! (Garfield has grown into a giant)
Have another glass of punch!
Eat bananas by the bunch!
I've a hunch,
That they're planning something good for dinner.
Hear that meal going crunch!
Think your chair is gonna scrunch!
What a brunch!
This should hold you until lunch.
You know you love to dine on each fine kind
Of food you can find!
You put it all away although
As you will know it all winds up behind!
Do not let your fork stop!
Have another pork chop!
Truckin' OdieEdit
It was on a dark and stormy day,
And the pussycat was snoring.
And since no-one was around to play
The little puppy went exploring.
Odie didn't listen to our warning
That it wasn't safe to roam,
So he left the house on a rainy morning,
And he wandered far from home.
Down the avenue the puppy stumbled,
To the warehouse part of town,
And about that time the storm clouds rumbled,
And the rain came pouring down.
Now as we all know this dog is dense
And is not known for his brain,
But he had at least the common sense
To seek shelter from the rain.
Now the truck in which he chose to nap
Was the rig of Billy Bob,
An honest and hard-working chap
Who was desperate for a job.
'Til the day that rich guy came around,
And said, to Billy's glee,
"If you get this load there safe and sound,
You can come work for me."
It was quite a break for a guy who was broke,
So he loaded up the freight,
And by the time that the dog awoke,
They were on the interstate.
When he found he had a dog aboard,
Billy Bob was shocked, and said
"To take you back, I can't afford,
We will have to press ahead."
Keep on rolling, Keep on rolling,
Rolling down the road.
Keep on rolling, Keep on rolling,
With your heavy load.
Keep on trucking, Keep on trucking,
That's what truckers do.
Got to keep on trucking,
Got to get on through.
Old Trucker Bruce was a local blight,
Who was known from here to Fargo,
For running trucks off the road at night
To relieve them of their cargo.
When he saw Billy's passing rig,
He said with an evil smirk,
"That trucker's hauling something big,
Guess it's time I went to work."
So he got his truck out on the double,
T'was the biggest he could find.
And Billy knew he was in real big trouble
When he saw old Bruce behind.
Billy shook and moaned and shivered,
And he told the puppy why.
"We'll never get this load delivered
If I can't outrun this guy!"
The tire rubber almost burned,
As they zoomed on down the trail.
But no matter which why Billy turned,
He could see Bruce on his tail.
Billy Bob was hurrying,
But it was a hopeless cause.
And Odie sat there worrying
With his face buried in his paws.
He realized, with great dismay,
It was more than likely that
He never more would romp and play
With his friend, Garfield Cat.
If you're wondering what became of me,
I was nowhere near the road.
I can't rescue Odie.
I'm not in this episode.
Keep on snoring, keep on snoring.
Back home safe and sound.
Keep on snoring, keep on snoring.
Most fun I have found.
Keep on sleeping, keep on sleeping.
Peaceful here alone.
Got to keep on sleeping.
Odie's on his own.
Now, Odie tried to leave his seat,
When a spill he chanced to take,
And he tumbled down near Billy's feet
And fell onto the brake.
The truck came to a sudden stop,
Right there on the interstate.
And Bruce found himself right on top
Of an accident of first rate.
But Bruce he had both skill and luck,
And he swerved up on that ridge.
And he didn't run into Billy's truck,
But he did drive off the bridge.
He hit the lake with a mighty splash,
And it looked like there he'd stay.
So Billy Bob, like a lightning flash,
Hit the gas and sped away.
They didn't see old Bruce climb out
Of his truck all wringing wet.
They didn't hear his angry shout,
"I'll catch up with you yet!"
An hour later, Billy stopped
To get something quick to eat.
And Odie napped, while Billy shopped,
'Til a stranger took his seat.
That truck bad Bruce was gonna grab,
But his plan had but one flaw.
For Billy seen him by the cab,
And he notified the law.
The sheriff slapped the cuffs on Bruce,
Been hunting him all year.
But then they saw the truck was loose,
'Cause he'd left the thing in gear.
Stop the rolling, Stop the rolling,
Do not let it roll.
Stop the rolling, Stop the rolling,
Truck's out of control.
Stop the trucking, Stop the trucking,
Or he won't survive.
Got to stop the trucking,
Odie cannot drive.
The puppy dog was filled with fear,
His horn went "Beep beep beep".
He tried in vain the truck to steer,
It hit things in a heap.
Just when it seemed to be a loss,
The sheriff lent a hand.
And Billy Bob, he swung across
And quickly took command.
The puppy covered up his eyes,
They rolled into a shop.
And they both had a big surprise
When the truck came to a stop.
This building was, they quickly found,
The company's address.
They'd brought the cargo safe and sound,
With approximate success.
The job was Billy Bob's to claim,
As promised by the man.
Who had them paint his product's name
On the side of Billy's van.
Next morning on another run,
The pup came home for real.
But when he told me what he'd done
I said, "Big fat hairy deal."
It made no difference to this cat,
But I was thunderstruck,
When I saw the sign that revealed that
It was a lasagna truck.
There are heroes of most every kind,
But the ones this cat adores,
Are the heroes who should be enshrined,
Who bring pasta to our stores.
Keep on rolling, Keep on rolling,
Rolling down the road.
Keep on rolling, Keep on rolling,
With your heavy load.
Keep on trucking, Keep on trucking,
That's what truckers do.
Got to keep on trucking,
Got to get on through.
Ode to OdieEdit
I decided late one Sunday
I would sleep till half past Monday.
Suddenly, I felt a tap,
Which awoke me from my nap.
I awoke and found before me
Someone who was sure to bore me.
"Please leave me to sleep," I chirped.
That was when the creature slurped!
Just then, the surprise was sprung:
Seven yards of doggie tongue.
Doggie tongues'll always trick ya;
Look so harmless 'til they lick ya.
He let out a loving howl;
I went out to get a towel.
When a dog's enthusiastic,
What you want to do is drastic.
All my fur was wringing wet.
Should've had it washed and set.
"Let me sleep!" I'd often told him.
Looked like I would have to scold him.
I was in for a surprise
When I looked into his eyes;
Pleading, as they were, for mercy
Left me with a controversy.
Then I got a wondrous notion
How to sleep without commotion.
So he'd leave this cat alone,
I dug out his favorite bone.
Figured if I couldn't cure him,
Next best thing would be to lure him.
When he came back, he would find
I had locked the door behind.
Now at least his dripping yap
Wouldn't interrupt my nap.
In my world, there's no excusing
When you interrupt my snoozing.
So while I was busy snoring,
My friend Odie went exploring.
Usually, he doesn't roam
Quite this far away from home,
But he wandered to an alley
Where the tough dogs often dally.
You would be a little nuts
To go near these mangy mutts.
Odie never comprehends.
He decided to make friends.
When they saw this shy intruder,
They could scarcely have been ruder.
Odie's thoughts are always sunny.
What, he wondered, was so funny?
"This," one said, "is not a dog.
Maybe this is someone's frog!"
"It's no frog," the other said.
"It's a rat that ain't been fed!"
"Nah," the biggest one exclaimed.
"I know what this runt is named.
Not a frog and not a rat;
This is just a teensy gnat!"
And he grabbed poor Odie's bone
And he claimed it for his own.
Odie, you must understand,
Always wants to lend a hand.
Anytime or anywhere,
Odie would be glad to share.
But you have to do it right.
Taking things is not polite.
Odie wanted it returned.
His request was promptly spurned.
Odie wound up wet and soggin'
With a frog upon his noggin.
He made sure the frog was thrown back.
Now he'd go to get his bone back.
But before our friend returned,
One of them seemed most concerned.
She said she was not amused
At the way he'd been abused.
"Butch," she said, "you're very tough!
Did you have to be so rough?"
Just then, Odie reappeared.
The bulldog gave a laugh and sneered.
Picked up Odie very crass;
Threw him for a forward pass.
Now the other dog agreed
That was not a funny deed,
And she told the bulldog he
Really should let Odie be.
Butch said that he wasn't done.
Pounding Odie's too much fun.
That was when he looked and found
That his ladies weren't around.
They decided they would flee with
Someone much more nice to be with.
They led Odie to a world
Where he'd not be kicked or hurled.
Butch was left there all alone
With no friends, just Odie's bone.
So they marched the little waif
To the home where he'd be safe.
Odie had made lifelong pals
With a couple doggie gals.
Someone had not figured fully;
People never love a bully.
So our tale is adjourned
With this lesson to be learned:
Helpless folk you shouldn't flog;
People love an underdog.
The end, and that's a wrap.
Wade, You're AfraidEdit
Wade you're afraid of everything made -
I've never seen anything like it -
You're afraid of the barn,
Afraid of a tree,
Afraid of everything that you see -
You're afraid of the water,
Scared of the dark,
Afraid of the daylight too!
The sun and the shade, we're really dismayed-
Wade - what'll we do with you?
Banana NoseEdit
(Note: Italics are spoken.)
Does your nose look like a banana?
Are your toes shaped like Indiana?
Do your ears seem bigger than Montana?
Dry your tears, we understand you
Hey, everyone has something strange about them, that's what makes us special. Wouldn't it be great if you could look in the mirror and say...
Yo banana nose!
Now you know how my sailboat goes
Here's Montana ears,
I have ears so my sister can steer
Hey hey hey Indiana toes, getting me across those winter snows
Whatever the name, I'm still the same nice person.
What Harm Can It Do?Edit
It starts with just a little thing no one would miss at all.
What possible, perceivable harm can it do to break just a little law?
What harm can it do? What harm can it do? What harm can it do?
Bedtime's every night at 9:00, but out of bed you creep.
You play real quiet until you hear:
"You're supposed to go to sleep!".
What harm can it do? What harm can it do? What harm can it do?
Rules are made for a reason, always some we hate.
But they help us all get along together.
Laws are made to keep us straight!
You borrow something from a friend: a doll or maybe a truck.
They saw you take it! They want it back!
Oh, boy! No toy! Oh, yuck!
What harm can it do?! What harm can it do?!
Roy: Wade; you're a wanted duck!
Cartoons Are TerrificEdit
Cartoons are terrific, I'm sure you will agree.
You can be anyone or anyplace that you wanna be.
Anything can happen, with danger we can flirt.
Drop pianos on a friend?! Don't fret, he won't get hurt!
You can go anywhere in the Universe to the farthest galaxy, come back down, put your feet on the ground, or on the bottom of the sea.
Up, down, over, around, twisted, stretched, and flattened, fast, slo-o-ow, STOP!, and go!, thin down and then fat.
Cartoons are terrific, no matter where you roam.
But I think that I should tell you...we're trained professionals, so don't try this at home!
Regular charactersEdit
- Garfield (Voiced by Lorenzo Music)
- Jon Arbuckle (Voiced by Thom Huge)
- Odie (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Nermal (Voiced by Desiree Goyette)
- Binky the Clown (Voiced by Thom Huge)
- Herman Post (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Dr. Liz Wilson (Voiced by Julie Payne)
Minor charactersEdit
- Cactus Jake (Voiced by Pat Buttram)
- AI G. Swindler (Voiced by Carl Ballantine)
- Penelope (Voiced by Victoria Jackson)
- The Singing Ants (Voiced by Ed Bogas)
- Ludlow (Voiced by Don Messick)
- Irving Burnside (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Rudy (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Moe the Cat Burglar (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Madman Murray (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Demented Dave (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
U.S. Acres (a.k.a. Orson's Farm)Edit
Regular charactersEdit
- Orson (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Roy (Voiced by Thom Huge)
- Wade (Voiced by Howie Morris)
- Bo (Voiced by Frank Welker)
- Lanolin (Voiced by Julie Payne)
- Booker (Voiced by Frank Welker)
- Sheldon (Voiced by Frank Welker)
Minor charactersEdit
- Mort (Voiced by Frank Welker), Gort (Voiced by Thom Huge), and Wart (Voiced by Howie Morris)
- Fred Duck (Voiced by Frank Welker)
- Worm (Voiced by Howie Morris)
- The Weasel (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- The Fox (Voiced by Howie Morris)
- The Wolf (Voiced by Gregg Berger)
- Edward R. Furrow (Voiced by Frank Welker)
- Aloysius (Voiced by Kevin Meaney)
- Plato (Voiced by Frank Welker)
- Newton Duck (Voiced by Frank Welker)


text:
I can't seem to use a rule to index a vector.
x = Range[10];
{ i, x[[i]] } /. i -> 5
I get the following error when evaluating the above code, even if the next cell shows the correct result:
Part::pspec: Part specification i is neither an integer nor a list of integers.


text:
Some times I think, "Why on earth do we live here, it is so expensive?"
Other days, it is totally worth it.
Was this a baby Dungeness Crab?
Not for the faint of heart, view from the bottom of the stairs.
View from the top of the stairs, whew!
Hang Glider Landing Zone.
Unstable Cliffs Ahead!
Battery Davis View.


text:
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MustaphaSupport and support courses in distance mathematics
Mathematics teacher with rich experience teaching, coaching and tutoring in maths.je offers you my services to help you beat your fear of maths and overcome obstacles that prevent you from being good maths . Whatever your level (college or high school) or your program (Moroccan, French or English), I assure you: - Solid support throughout the school year. - Good preparation for your assessments and your final exams. - A true understanding of mathematical concepts. Do not hesitate to book your course.
CuihongA Chinese girl gives Chinese classes, and Math for all the ages.
Dear all, I am a Chinese girl, had 2 years study in European University for my Master degree and 4 years study for my Bachelor in Chinese Literature filed at Beijing Normal University. since 2016 I have been teaching Chinese in the school of The Language Center at Ferney Voltaire , I also had experience to teach maths for High school students. If you need any help on chinese and maths , please contact me. Thanks a lot for your attention.
StanislasPrivate lesson in mathematics, French / English
Hello, as a student in third year mathematics epfl, I offer support courses in math (linear algebra, real analysis, geometry ...). Whether you have difficulty understanding the course or feel uncomfortable with certain exercises, I'm ready to help you as much as I can.
MarjolaineSupport course in mathematics, physics and biology
Student in first year of master's degree at EPFL with a French baccalaureate, mathematics specialty mention very well, I offer support courses in scientific subjects to help students in difficulty and support them to progress.
MarkoMathematics class for beginners (elementary school), high school students and GRE test mathematics
I can teach you mathematics - basics or advanced. I also can prepare you for GRE test. Math is all about practise and good teachers, so if you have both that should not be a problem for you. I have always been excellent in math and I really like it and I like to help people. I can solve different type of problems and help you to understand it better. Math is kostly just practicing, but if you have a good teachers, as I had, then you can save a lot of time in that way.
AbdelazizScience, Physics,Math, English and Arabic (Test preparations, Tutoring, thesis)
I specialize in tutoring Physics, Science, Math and English for university students , school, CEGEP, the SAT, GED, GRE and GMAT exams. My goal is to keep students challenged, but not overwhelmed. I assign homework after every lesson and provide periodic progress reports.I have a 5 years experience in teaching IGCSE OL , AL Physics curriculum, IB, SAT 2 and AP. I have my own updated notes.
SelimEngineer teaches all sciences and all levels - Brussels region (I live Flagey)
Deep understanding is essential in science, I propose to reinforce the knowledge by starting from the original course of the student. This method is in my opinion the most effective. I am also willing to teach a course of my preparation. I am primarily speaking to high school and high school students. I have experience in public education, mainly in physics. I also enjoy several experiences in the private sector. My students succeed and learn to learn. The culture of self-confidence will always be dominant in my teaching.
ImamaMaths Tutoring for IB (PYP, MYP, DP), GCSE or equivalent
I am an ex Maths teacher in GCSE and IB programme. I have taught many students and have been trained for teaching using pedagogy. I am an engineer and I used many day to day applications to inspire students. Teaching is just not about sharing knowledge, it is to stimulate the students to want to learn, to get them to learn by themselves at the end. My goal is to help them to not only aid in their grades but to inspire them to want to learn more.
MichaelMath, Sciences, Computers and software for children, adolescents, adults and seniors
I teach mathematics and science courses for levels: - Primary - Lower secondary - Higher and University Secondary - Central jury I teach computer and software courses: - Programming: Initiation, Beginner, Intermediate - Software: Initiation, Beginner, Intermediate, Experienced Before agreeing on a course, we can discuss the subject to study. In the case of a particular request, we can make a first meeting to discuss the matter to see. If I can help you, we are go! My technique is summarized in 5 steps: - Analysis (of your needs) - Adaptation (to your learning skills) - Motivation - The practice - Repetition
ChristianePrivate math lessons in French by shared interactive whiteboard
I give remote math lessons, in French, by shared interactive board for high school and high school students. I am civil engineer architect and I teach for 7 years. The most important thing for me is to personalize the lessons, to guide the student so that he understands the subject by himself, so that he manages to organize his work, to structure his reasoning, to manage his time, to manage his stress and finally to gain confidence in him. All this is done by adapting the course to its type of learning, putting all our energy to target and overcome blockages, and finally achieve autonomy. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to write me, I will be happy to answer you as soon as possible.
CamillePrivate lessons of mathematics from primary to maturity
Hello, I am a student at EPFL in master. I am motivated to give classes. My goal is to advance the student. We will review the course first and then give methods that will allow the student to pass his tests and exams.


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Limited Edition Leatherbound - 250 Copies Only
Mervyn Stone was once the script-editor of an old BBC television series which gripped the nation in the 1980s; a sexy space saga featuring large-breasted women and even larger-breasted men.
Vixens from the Void is the reason why Mervyn's career, though dead, still has spasms of life, like the odd twitch on a cooling corpse.
It's the reason why Mervyn is invited to take part in a DVD commentary discussing one of the more controversial (and, let's face it, blasphemous) episodes of Vixens from the Void.
And it's the reason why Mervyn has to become an amateur detective. Again.
During the commentary, one of the participants is poisoned by a bottle of water randomly taken from a table. No one knows how the poison got into the bottle. The bottles were sealed. No other bottles contained poison. An impossible crime. The victim was a high profile atheist, who made a career out of enraging Christian groups with his provocative books and interviews. The whispers begin: 'Act of God'?
As the bodies pile up and he's pursued by crazed fans, mad actresses, suspicious policemen and mental fundamentalists, Mervyn is starting to feel like God's got it in for him too…
NOTE: The leatherbound books are all individually numbered and are signed by Nev Fountain. Plus, they come with the script of the murder-mystery podcast.
For more about Mervyn, please visit his official website.


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Falconry Information
Season: Same as regular seasons.
High Plains Extended Season: None
Early Zone Extended Season: Feb. 24 - March 10, 2020
Late Zone Extended Season: Feb. 24 - March 10, 2020
Daily Bag Limit: No more than three migratory birds, including coot, dove, rail, crow, snipe, woodcock, and any migratory species -- in combination such as one dove, one duck, and one woodcock or three doves. (Falconers may not exceed other limits on migratory birds. Be sure to check bag limits in this summary.)


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Plus Fourteen Fan-Favorite Series Return With Brand New Seasons
NEW YORK - March 1, 2013 - As winter gives way, DIY Network turns its attention to spring with the debut of two new original series Garage Gold and I Hate My Yard, as well as new seasons of several landscaping favorites, including Yard Crashers and Desperate Landscapes. Featuring experts coming to the rescue of homeowners who need help taming and revamping unruly, out-of-control spaces - from the garage to the patio - DIY Network has plenty of spring programming focused on creating the perfect space, whether it's an outdoor retreat or an indoor area to escape rainy spring days.
Homeowners who are ready to turn a lackluster yard into an outdoor oasis will be inspired by the new yard renovation series, I Hate My Yard, premiering Tuesday, May 7 at 10 p.m. ET. Professional landscape designer and host Sara Bendrick joins James Young, host of I Hate My Kitchen, and Jeff Devlin, host of I Hate My Bath, in the I Hate My... franchise, helping homeowners overhaul the parts of their houses that they can't stand. Sara will use economical, yet clever, landscape designs to whip unsightly outdoor spaces into shape. I Hate My Yard features new landscaping products and offers plenty of useful take-away information sure to boost viewers' landscaping creativity.
More landscaping inspiration strikes with new seasons of several series for outdoor enthusiasts, beginning with the ninth season of Yard Crashers, premiering Monday, April 1 at 10 p.m. ET. Returning for its 10th season, Desperate Landscapes premieres Wednesday, April 3 at 10 p.m. ET. Licensed contractor and host Jason Cameron continues to bring creative solutions to the toughest landscaping problems, increasing curb appeal for lucky homeowners who are in serious need of an outdoor makeover. Impossible 48-hour yard makeovers take place on Yardcore, which kicks off its second season on Thursday, April 4 at 10 p.m. ET, and viewers can watch beautiful outdoor entertainment spaces take shape with the mid-season premiere of Extra Yardage on Friday, April 5 at 10 p.m. ET. Crews turn their attention to decks and patios on Decked Out, premiering its second season on Saturday, May 4 at 10 a.m. ET and Deck Wars, also premiering its second season, on Saturday, May 4 at 9 a.m. ET.
The yard makeovers continue when professional landscaper and host Chris Lambton transforms neglected backyards into family spaces that are perfect for entertaining. The popular HGTV series Going Yard makes its DIY Network debut on Tuesday, April 2 at 10:30 p.m. ET. Mike Holmes, another HGTV favorite, comes to the rescue of homeowners who have been misled by previous home inspectors during DIY Network's second season debut of Holmes Inspection, premiering Tuesday, April 9 at 8 p.m. ET.
For homeowners who need inspiration to begin pesky spring cleaning, DIY Network's new original series Garage Gold premieres Saturday, April 6 at 7 p.m. ET. In this organization-meets-renovation series, organization specialist and host Kraig Bantle and the crew from Garage Brothers, a family business based in Raleigh, N.C., offer to clean up garages, basements and attics that are out of control. Kraig and his team clear the clutter and repurpose the spaces into rooms that homeowners can enjoy. The catch? The crew takes any valuables they find and resells them, hoping to turn a profit. The hidden treasures that the Garage Brothers team discovers are sure to surprise viewers, and the refurbished rooms won't disappoint the renovation-loving crowd.
Salvage Dawgs also returns with a mid-season premiere in June. The series continues to chronicle the adventures of Robert Kulp and Mike Whiteside, owners of a Roanoke, Va., architectural salvage business, Black Dog Salvage, as they reclaim vintage elements from historic structures and resell them to be used in home renovations across the country. In the third season of Family Under Construction, premiering on Saturday, May 18 at 10 p.m. ET, the Gabriel family is featured as their renovation plans are tested by floods, storms, big delays and busted budgets. Major disagreements also hinder their plans to gut and renovate their dream house, but living under construction could make the Gabriels the toughest family on the block - if it doesn't do them in first.
If it's a new room that homeowners need, DIY Network has brand new episodes of its popular renovation programs. Other favorites in the Crashers franchise continue alongside the ninth season of Yard Crashers, with new episodes of House Crashers (Season 8, Monday, June 10 at 11 p.m. ET) and Kitchen Crashers (Season 4, Monday, June 3 at 9 p.m. ET). Jeff Devlin tackles outdated bathrooms in the fourth season of I Hate My Bath, premiering Tuesday June 18. Smart appliances and new building materials featured on the third season of I Want That, premiering on Wednesday, April 10 at 11 p.m. ET, are enough to make anyone want to update their space.
A brief recap of DIY Network's second quarter series and season premieres:
New Original Series Premieres:
Garage Gold: Saturday, April 6 at 7 p.m. ET
I Hate My Yard: Tuesday, May 7 at 10 p.m. ET
DIY Network Debuts:
Going Yard (Season 1): Tuesday, April 2 at 10:30 p.m. ET
Holmes Inspection (Season 2): Tuesday, April 9 at 8 p.m. ET
New Season Premieres:
Yard Crashers (Season 9): Monday, April 1 at 10 p.m. ET
Desperate Landscapes (Season 10): Wednesday, April 3 at 10 p.m. ET
Yardcore (Season 2): Thursday, April 4 at 10 p.m. ET
Extra Yardage (Mid-Season 2): Friday, April 5 at 10 p.m. ET
I Want That (Season 3): Wednesday, April 10 at 11 p.m. ET
Deck Wars (Season 2): Saturday, May 4 at 9 a.m. ET
Decked Out (Season 2): Saturday, May 4 at 10 a.m. ET
Family Under Construction (Season 3): Saturday, May 18 at 10 p.m. ET
Salvage Dawgs (Mid-Season 1): June TBD
Kitchen Crashers (Season 4): Monday, June 3 at 9 p.m. ET
House Crashers (Season 8): June 10 at 11 p.m. ET
I Hate My Bath (Season 4): Tuesday, June 18, Time TBD
For more information on DIY Network and each of these series, visit DIYNetwork.com. Viewers can also become fans of DIY Network and interact with other home improvement enthusiasts and do-it-yourselfers through Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter. DIY Network is available nationwide on DISH Network Ch. 111 and DIRECTV Ch. 230, and additional cable channel designations may be found by checking local listings and DIYNetwork.com/tv.
DIY Network, from the makers of HGTV and Food Network, is the go-to destination for rip-up, knock-out home improvement television. Currently in more than 58 million homes, DIY Network's programming covers a broad range of categories, including home improvement and landscaping. The network's award-winning website, DIYNetwork.com, consistently ranks among America's top home and garden Internet destinations for entertaining videos, home improvement advice, step-by-step instructions, message boards, blogs, an interactive program guide and more. Headquartered in Knoxville, Tenn., DIY Network is wholly owned by Scripps Networks Interactive, Inc. (SNI).