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Sunday, January 9, 2011
20 Minutes
Don't get me wrong - I like to be busy. I don't handle tons of down time really well. I was one of those kids in high school who left for some practice or other at 7:30 in the morning and got home close to 6 after another one. Then went to the part time job. I loved every single minute of it.
But lately life has become a little over the top! I haven't had more than 20 minutes at a time for writing since the first part of November. I had high hopes for the holidays and they were fantastic!! But, still, no more than 10 - 20 minutes of writing time.
So far, it's taken me 3 chunks of time to get this blog post written! :)
I've learned to be able to submerse myself quickly into my story - survival technique! - but it's not the most productive system. I'd really like to count on an hour or more at a time. I've read on other blogs and Twitter about people having several hours at a time. Wow. Just wow. My characters might faint from shock if I were to hang out with them for that long!
Maybe one of these would make time behave more nicely :)
How do you handle those days and weeks where time is at an absolute premium? Are you able to write in small chunks of time or do you need to have longer stretches? Any helpful hints??? :)
138 comments:
I hope you get some time to write! It can be frustrating, not being able to sit down and get the words out.ReplyDelete
I usually have to have longer stretches of time for writing; if I have something under half an hour, I often skip and put it off 'till later.
I am all behind with my comments, I am taking part in a music fest by Alex on the 24th . out of all the hundreds of songs and tunes I know I have to pick 10. I have been doing that most of the day.Now to get on with the comments.ReplyDelete
Thanks for your visit it was spookey about Bette Midler. Your visits are very appreciated.
Golden Eagle - Thanks - I hope I do too! I don't mind the 20 minute stretches - just not all the time! :)ReplyDelete
Yvonne - Thanks!! It was so bizarre to hear the same song playing at 2 different parts!! Very spooky! :)ReplyDelete
I have to somehow narrow down the songs for Alex's blogfest too. There are SO many!! :)
I don't have any advice. When things get crazy and time is limited I just squeeze in a few words when I can and try not to worry about it.ReplyDelete
Holly - That's pretty much the way I'm doing it. I just hope it lightens up a bit soon! :)ReplyDelete
Totally understand. I don't know what it is about December and January but it seems like they're just nonstop. Good luck!ReplyDelete
Mary - exactly! It's chaos. I'm really hoping things settle down in February! :)ReplyDelete
I think you should book yourself an hour long massage.ReplyDelete
What great questions. I'm at a point where I have more time to write, and I really appreciate it--and take advantage of it. Still, I think time is always an issue. When I started out writing seriously, actively pursuing the dream rather than planning to do it "someday," I did it when my kids napped. It was like, "Do I clean or write?"ReplyDelete
I hope you find more time in your schedule soon! :) In the meantime, you're doing great, just taking what time you can get.
Terry - Oooooo! I've never had a massage. I wonder if I'd fall asleep! That might be a very good thing!! :)ReplyDelete
Dawn - Thanks!! I didn't write when my kids were younger - at least not seriously. It was mostly stuff I created in my head and developped. Then I dropped that story line and moved on. Should have written them down!! :)ReplyDelete
My only helpful hint for myself is to turn off the internet connection to my pc and just have the word document up! Better still to have a typewriter and disconnect all things networked! :-)ReplyDelete
Good luck with finding precious time to write!! Take care
I think I work better with less time too, but 20 min a day? That's barely enough time to check email, read the paper, pour a cup of tea and remember where I was up to last time! Good luck though, 20 min is better than 0 min.ReplyDelete
Old Kitty - I'm actually pretty good about ignoring the internet when I've got a block of time. It's usually open when I'm multi-tasking anyway - like now when I'm prepping supper for the masses! :)ReplyDelete
SF - exactly! That's the problem. It's a very busy household over here - and my job takes up a LOT of my 'free' time too! :)ReplyDelete
I agree though - 20 minutes is MUCH better than zip!
When I don't have real sit down time I have other stuff that keeps me engaged with the plot. In 20 minutes you can write a letter from your protagonist letting you, the writer, know what is needed to unsnarl a plot problem or telling you why she is being a bit shy or sullen. In twenty minutes I can take one chapter and do a language edit - look for where I repeat words like 'always' 'moment' and 'actually' for instance or 'for instance'. Arggh. In twenty minutes I can decide to write a complete description of my protagonist when she was eleven and she had a fight with her friend. I won't use it but I'll know it. I may use it - come to think of it I did use it in True. I think you just need to keep showing up to see how everyone is doing - daily - and if twenty minutes is what you've got - use it deary and don't worry about who's got loads of time.ReplyDelete
Jan - love it! I often do my editing/revising chunks when I've got the 20. I do love to slash and tighten so it's good for that! I love the other suggestions! They're fabulous - thank you!!!! :)ReplyDelete
I do write in small chunks and I usually find lots of things I need to fix when I finish that first draft. I think it's because it takes so long to finish a project I end up with lots of repetitive stuff because I forgot I already said it.ReplyDelete
Susan - exactly!! I think that's part of my chunking problem too. When I'm editing I have to keep track on an outline or I'd be saying the same thing five times! :)ReplyDelete
Twenty minutes is better than 10! Do what you can & I hope that soon you'll have more time to write.ReplyDelete
Notes - so true!! I feel like I'm going backwards some days, but I know that's not true! One step at a time... :)ReplyDelete
I think any snippet of time to write you can catch is a good thing. Just don't give up. Keep writing.ReplyDelete
I have NO ADVICE for you. You're ahead of me if you can get into your WiP and write in 20 minute snippets. I can do a lot of other things/chores in 20 minutes, but I need time to write. Lots of it. This, I haven't done anything writing-wise since Nano. *sigh*ReplyDelete
BUT, that changes THIS WEEK. I've set aside time for writing this week.
I hope things slow down for you soon.
Have a terrific week. :)
Well, I'm afraid my advice is dishonest: you have to STEAL time. ;)ReplyDelete
Seriously, though, grab it whenever you can. The only way I can do it is by starting the morning, very early, with writing. Then it's easier to submerge myself in it later.
Best of luck!
I've been on a writing break for the past month. December is always so hectic around my house and I haven't even tried writing. I can get a few stretches of kid-free time during December, but it's usually late and I've been so tired from all having the kids home full-time and such, so I've been catching up on my reading. Now that I'm trying to get back to writing, it's hard finding the time! I'm going to have to start stealing time, like Faith mentioned:)ReplyDelete
Ah, I can relate all too well to this. First of all, we bloggers appreciate you writing a post with your crazy schedule! I try to squeeze in chunks whenever I can. Right now, it's during my lunch hour or I go to bed just a little late. I also cut out a television show and Facebooking.ReplyDelete
I prefer longer chunks because I can get more writing down, but most of the time I'm content with whatever whenever.ReplyDelete
Lynda - definitely good advice! I've always liked writing - always enjoyed creating characters and stories. I can't even imagine giving it up.ReplyDelete
Thanks Lola! I've managed to put a few more k into my nano - and I've gone through the first part of it. I'm hoping to go through it once, and then if I can find some decent chunks of time I really want to work on my rewrite!ReplyDelete
Faith - that's a good idea. Although I'm already completely sleep deprived according to the doctors - which isn't a good thing!ReplyDelete
Melissa - it really is tough trying to pick up speed again after the holidays, isn't it? There's just so much to catch up on!! :)ReplyDelete
Saumya - Thank you - you're so sweet!! This is one of the main reasons I've never joined Facebook! We can't use our work computers for any personal activities - even during the lunch hours. I usually have coaching or prepping or planning during those breaks anyway! :)ReplyDelete
Erinn - exactly! I'm usually pretty content with my 'catch as catch can' system. It's just been really long since I feel like I've any serious writing time!ReplyDelete
I prefer long stretches although chunks work in a pinch. Lately I've had distractions, which have pulled me from my editing.ReplyDelete
Alex - I know the feeling! I can do a lot of editing/tightening in small chunks, but I hate getting pulled out of the flow of the story when I'm drafting! :)ReplyDelete
Wow, girl. I applaud your survival and grit!
My blog responses have been blown to smithereens by deadlines.
I pray 2011 will bring you bigger chunks of time.
Thanks Patti. I can't even imagine adding in additional deadlines at this point! Although life has to smooth out a bit at some point... right??? :)ReplyDelete
It seems to take me awhile to get into the writing, so I need atleast an hour to get anything done.ReplyDelete
Love that watch in the picture.
- AnonymousJanuary 9, 2011 at 8:35 PM
If I have busy weekdays, I won't write the entire week and then do several hours straight on the weekend to catch up with my goals. If life is more leisurely then I can do a half hour or hour a day.ReplyDelete
Helen - I'm glad I've been able to train myself out of that!ReplyDelete
The steampunky photos always make me smile! :)
Medeia - that's exactly it. I can usually get in an hour at least a few nights a week. But lately it's been impossible and I'm feeling it :)ReplyDelete
Hi Jemi - If I had one tip (if you can get away with it): Spend a little bit of time in bed, before you get out and start your day, to ponder the particular section you're working on. For me, at least, I've solved more than one problem that way. Then when you take your 20 minutes, you have a precise path you're heading on.ReplyDelete
Good luck. =D
RaShelle - that's a good idea! I'll have to see if the earlier alarm will drive my hubby nuts though! Great tip - thanks! :)ReplyDelete
My problem becomes one of keeping focus, and that is hard. I find it's just too hard to keep thoughts intact. I'm hoping that the days will settle down a little and I can get better concentration. Hoping for less running around for both of us.ReplyDelete
Buttercup - Agreed! Maybe we can find a little magic stone or something to help us stay in one place for more than 20 minutes at a time :)ReplyDelete
Totally understand. Teaching full time with an elementary age kid (who is in afterschool/weekend activities) and a preschooler (who is a Mommy koala) - I have next to zero writing time. I am trying currently for 100 words a day which is probably similar to your 20 minutes since it always includes a little rereading and lately some research. I have no answers but - uh oh - it doesn't get easier when your kids get big? :/ReplyDelete
Lindsay - I remember the Mommy koala days!!! Sadly no - it doesn't get much easier - although some of that's my fault as I tend to have a hard time saying no when people ask me to do things for them! :)ReplyDelete
Oh my goodness... I'm so sorry... I know how those days are :( It's been like that for a little while for me too. Just squeeze it in when you can, and don't beat yourself up when you can't. Good luck with everything!ReplyDelete
WN - thanks! It's hard, isn't it? I'm getting tired of not having time! I can usually get by on a few longer stretches here and there, but even those pieces are missing! Hopefully it'll get better soon :)ReplyDelete
I understand about things being so busy you don't have time to write. For me, I can't seem to find time to visit all the blogs I want to. I hope you find a solution and good luck with any writing time you have.ReplyDelete
Thoughts in Progress
I love that clock photo!ReplyDelete
I know what you mean- I think busy comes with teacher territory. I steal snatches of writing time at night and in the morning, or maybe even at lunch.
I hope things slow down long enough for you to catch your breath!
I'm like you, I never have the time to spend several hours at once writing, but I do like to have at least an hour. Many times, though, I only find 20-30 minutes to work at a time. I find it works okay for me, as long as I'm working on a draft (I refuse to edit it tiny chunks like that).ReplyDelete
I really just dive right, and a lot of times I'll write a scene in my small chunk of time and then the next time I find a few minutes, I'll write another scene. It seems to be working out so far.
I hope you find some extra time for your writing soon!
When life gets like that, it's just a matter of doing what you cane do, when you can do it. Eke out what writing time you can until things slow down again. Love the photo!! :-)ReplyDelete
- AnonymousJanuary 10, 2011 at 1:49 AM
Hey, Jemi!ReplyDelete
I believe that you should make some time out of the day for more than twenty minutes of your writing, if you can. Try for at least an hour.
If I don't have time to write my story down, I try to think and rethink about how I'm going to write it. I always have important sayings that I repeat to myself in my head that I somehow manage to scribble down on a piece of paper. I try to imagine the scene that I'm about to write and when I find the time, I just start writing using my scribbles as a sort of outline. At least, that's my way of doing it.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the time for everything you need to do. Write on!
I write in both short bursts and long stretches -- when I only have the former available, it's Write Or Die for me. That website was made for moments like that.ReplyDelete
Mason - thankfully I can usually visit at least a few blogs - I can do that when I'm multi-tasking :) I never get to anywhere near all of them though!ReplyDelete
Stephanie - that would be wonderful! You're right - busy is part of the job and I like it that way... but it's a little much right now :)ReplyDelete
Jessica - that's funny - I prefer to do some editing when I've got small chunks. I can't do big revisions, but I can tighten and rearrange and polish. Those hour long blocks are the best! :)ReplyDelete
Shannon - I love the steampunk photos too! :) Eking is definitely what I'm doing these days!! Hopefully more in the weeks to come!ReplyDelete
I usually write in 15-20 minute increments and have developed the ability to pick up my story at a moment's notice and start writing (I'll take it with me and write in dead time.)ReplyDelete
I think that, to do that effectively, you need to know exactly what you're planning on writing that day. So take the last 5 minutes of that 20 minute time and write a couple of sentences to say where you left the story off, and a couple of sentences to say where you plan on picking up and what the scene is.
It's a frustrating way to write, but it's become a way of life for me! The fragmented part seems to get easier as you get used to it. If nothing else, if you have just 5 minutes, you can make a list: a list of as many ways to describe the main character as you can think of in 5 minutes, a list of ways to approach the next scene in your story, a list of possible conflicts to toss in your protagonist's way, a list of ways to describe your setting, etc. Quick way to make some planning or descriptive inroads when you really have no time at all. :)
Thanks Vatche! I do a lot of thinking about my stories when I'm walking home or driving. Getting an hour at a time is my aim and I can normally get that a few times a week. Life has taken a few interesting twists and turns lately and that hour is hard to come by!ReplyDelete
Amie - I've seen that website mentioned a few times, but I've never visited. Sounds like something I should check out - thanks!! :)ReplyDelete
Elizabeth - it's so nice to hear a successful author who writes in snatches like that!! I like the idea of the few sentences to set the scene - I'm definitely going to try that out!!ReplyDelete
Thanks for your help! :)
- AnonymousJanuary 10, 2011 at 9:37 AM
I do what you do ... write a blog in chunks and pieces. I do the best I can do because that's all I can do. I've become quite adept at writing in chucks and can easily pick up where left off.ReplyDelete
Jemi, I came over after reading your comment on Helen Ginger's blog. Really enjoyed your blog piece and your frustration with not having time to write really resonated with me. I do have a bit more time than you, but still not the kind of time I would like.ReplyDelete
I use Elizabeth's method of leaving notes to myself about what I would like to do next in a scene. That really helps jump-start the next writing session.
I'm not writing whether I have long chunks of time or not, but I really need a longer amount of time than 20 minutes. If I only had 20 minutes, though, I'd make sure I left things in a place where I could jump right back in at the next sitting. Jotting notes at other times would also be a must.ReplyDelete
I read a letter in a writing magazine that quoted research that has found all the social networking we are doing is re-wiring our brains. Instead of being able to concentrate on something for long bursts of time, we prefer to spend 15-20 minutes on something and then move on. The writer of the letter saw this as a bad thing. I disagree and here is why:ReplyDelete
Most of the time 15-20 minutes is all the time I get, so if I can pick up my WIP and work on it during that short amount of time without feeling I've wasted my time, great. I think of it like power-naps, instead I'm power-writing.
Jemi - I'd say take what you can! Although I have to say, once I get going I kind of end up ignoring all those other pesky but important things that require my attention. Much like I'm doing right now... OopsReplyDelete
I've just retired. I'm supposed to have all the time in the world. So far, I can't find it anywhere. I think it's some sort of a time warp thing.ReplyDelete
Good luck finding yours.
I usually try to focus and work on everything, but sometimes it just doesn't happen. 2010 was prime example of that. 2011 though is going much better. :)ReplyDelete
I pretty much need more time. Unless I am fully immersed before time gets short. Otherwise it feels like I just get back in the flow, etc, and bam. I have to stop. And that makes me cranky and no fun. ;PReplyDelete
Stephen - exactly! Small chunks of time are far better than no chunks of time. I'll take what I can get :)ReplyDelete
Hi Maryann! Nice to meet you! :)ReplyDelete
I like that idea - I think I'm going to have to start carrying a notebook around with me!
Karen - I tend to wrap up a scene rather than stopping in the middle, but I think you're right. I should either stop in the middle or at least leave myself a note about where to head next!ReplyDelete
Ellie - power writing!! That's brilliant!! I'm definitely going to think of it that way from now on! :) That'll bring on a whole attitude switch :)ReplyDelete
Lisa - oops indeed! I sometimes do the same things - but real life has a way of hollering really loudly!! :)ReplyDelete
Linda - that's so funny! Although it's an excellent thing that you can't find any time. That means you've got the right idea about retirement! It's not for stagnating - it's for moving on to the next level! :)ReplyDelete
Kimberly - I like that! Let's just wrestle 2011 under control and make it give us appropriate amounts of time! :)ReplyDelete
Jean - yup cranky and no fun can be good descriptors of me when this kind of thing goes along too long! :) I really like to have an hour - that would be perfect!!!ReplyDelete
I prefer longer stretches of time for writing, and afternoons work best for me. Have I been doing any, though? Well...not much.ReplyDelete
Patricia - one of these days I'd like to have that on a regular basis. It's hard to commit that time consistently though, isn't it?ReplyDelete
Hi. Just found your blog today and wanted to pop in and say hello. Nice to meet you.ReplyDelete
Hi! So nice to meet you as well! :) Love your avatar!!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousJanuary 10, 2011 at 8:10 PM
I've started going upstairs to my "other" computer (that's not hooked up to the Internet!) in the mornings when the aide is with my daughter. This is the only way I can get any reading and writing done. I'm trying to limit the time now that I spend blogging; to be more organized with it, that is, to blog during certain times and then do other important things.ReplyDelete
But thanks for taking a few minutes to comment about my new template. Your blog is streamlined; professional looking.
I hope you can carve out more time for yourself in this coming year to write!!
Ann - that's a good idea! Being in a separate space really does help. Sometimes people might forget I'm even there and I'll get some actual time in!!! :)ReplyDelete
Balance is so important! I'll keep working at it :)
Hope you find the time to write that you need. It's good to recognize distractions that can be avoided, find the time of day that you're most creative and try to work around that. Sometimes you do just have to grab a few minutes when you get a chance and at least jot down thoughts and ideas.ReplyDelete
I'm in awe! I couldn't get anything done in 20 minutes a day. I usually write after everyone goes to bed, usually between 10 and 3 am, and then I catch a few zzzs and I'm up at 6:30. I do this for a week or two, until I'm so tired I can't think or see straight, then I catch up on my sleep and start the 10-3 ritual again.ReplyDelete
On the crazy days I take on the approach a friend told me about - 10 minutes on your project then 10minutes off, then 10 back on. I find it helps because it's just 10mins at a time, so I don't feel like I'm ignoring my other tasks.ReplyDelete
Connie - most of my distractions come from my job! Wish I could avoid a few of those :) I was happy to get 30 minutes last night - it felt great!ReplyDelete
VR - Wow! I'm so impressed! I couldn't function any on that amount of sleep - maybe when I was younger :) I do tend to try to write after everyone is sleeping too - but I can't stay up that late!ReplyDelete
Charmaine - I like that! And it feels like I can find 10 minutes at least a couple of times an evening! :)ReplyDelete
I have to have time to warm up and to emerse myself into the other side of my brain. I wonder if that's because I'm so type A???? HMMM...ReplyDelete
hi miss jemi! i mostly just write when i got time and dont never look at how much time im doing it. if i got a neat idea i just write it down in my notebook. even if you do just only 10 minutes it more better than no minutes. sometime i plan out a time for writing cause of having to share out the comuputer with my 4 brothers and 1 sister but mostly i just write when i could feel like it even if its just only a few minutes.ReplyDelete
...hugs from lenny
Man, I love that clock!! Right now, I'm home with a sick kid, and I'm not even trying to write, because it's just impossible. Some times are like that.ReplyDelete
p.s. I answered your question today. :) Thanks!
I like to be busy too, but I must admit I'm not good at writing when life gets super busy. I admire your 20-minute sessions!ReplyDelete
I don't know how you do it. I'm still working on writing when I have 20 minutes. Most of the time, I'm like, "I only have 20 minutes, so I'm going to tweet or facebook or whatever."ReplyDelete
Kudos to you for doing it!
Sharon - I'm always thankful I can jump right in without much effort - otherwise I'd be toast :)ReplyDelete
Lenny - wow - you have a big family!!! I don't even have to share my laptop with anyone - I'm very lucky that way :) I like your attitude - just write when I can and be happy with it! That works :)ReplyDelete
Susan - awesome! I'll have to pop on over - I'm curious :)ReplyDelete
Having a sick kiddo around is exhausting enough - totally understand. I wouldn't be writing at all in that case either :)
Thanks Talli - I think working with kids for so long has made me pretty good at sneaking in time when I can! Definitely one advantage of being a teacher :)ReplyDelete
Elana - thanks! It's not easy but it's better than not writing at all! :) I do prefer a little longer time, but it doesn't always happen.ReplyDelete
Jemi, you're amazing. You're like Wonder Woman!ReplyDelete
On days with very little time, I still manage to scratch stuff down. Even if it's an idea for new work, or something to enrich plot. I keep paper all over my house and in my car for just this reason.
Julie - lol! You made me snort out my tea!!! :)ReplyDelete
I lose paper ... ALL paper. I have started taking a notebook around with me based on the advice from all you wonderful folks. We'll see how long it takes me to lose that... :)
I'm of no help. It seems like I should have a lot of time on my hands these days, but it seems like I'm always trying to get caught up. Do what you can.ReplyDelete
Tossing It Out
OMG, I LOVE that timepiece!!!! Thanks for sharing, I clicked over and saved the website. I could see owning that and looking at it every day!ReplyDelete
I have lots of time lately and am writing more, but still not as much as I want.
Glad your life is full, that rebel, Olivia
- AnonymousJanuary 12, 2011 at 12:38 AM
With all your comments here, I'd say you handle your time nicely! I have a hard time keeping up with my life, work, current projects. Large chunks of time work better for me. I plan a Saturday, for example, to only write. Tricky sometimes to say NO to any other events that pop up for that day!ReplyDelete
Lee - I think that works. I'm trying not to get stressed about it because that only makes it work. Writing is fun - I want it to stay that way!ReplyDelete
Olivia - maybe that's the problem - no matter how much we have, it's just not enough!ReplyDelete
I agree - the steampunk stuff is gorgeous!
Lynn - I find I can do blogging while I'm multi-tasking with other stuff - but depending on the stage of writing I'm at, I need quiet time!ReplyDelete
many a best seller was apparently written tween one kid napping and starting lunch for another... i could never do that... i need a good 1-2 hours at a stretch... longer, preferablyReplyDelete
i wrote nothing when my three were young, cuz mostly i worked construction out of province....
I am guilty of wasting time just lately. I have all day to myself but am fiddling. My edits are screaming out to be nurtured through the next stage.ReplyDelete
You have made me feel guilty, so will knuckle down and work harder. :)
I think you deserve a gold medal, Jemi!ReplyDelete
20 minutes? Not a lot of time to do anything much I wouldn't have thought.
But, like the comments above, it's better than nothing :)
Laughing wolf - working construction is exhausting - no wonder you weren't writing at the time! I prefer an hour as well - hope life is slowing down soon :)ReplyDelete
Glynis - sorry! :) Didn't intend to make anyone feel guilty! Hopefully we can both get some writing time in soon!ReplyDelete
Wendy - exactly! At times 20 minutes feels like a blessing - at other times... not so much :)ReplyDelete
Sorry, I've never been organized enough to budget time well. I'm always a step behind. But I do like that watch, Jemi!ReplyDelete
Roxy - I love the watch as well - it's just gorgeous!! :)ReplyDelete
A step behind is pretty much the norm around here :)
i read another blog where the writer used 10-15 minute chunks of time, it may not be ideal, but time writing is good time.ReplyDelete
That has to be the coolest clock I have ever seen! It can be tough to find time sometimes. But hey, 20 minutes is better than 0 minutes. :)ReplyDelete
Lisa ~ YA Literature Lover
That's a gorgeous clock!ReplyDelete
I find I write best when I'm busy and don't have a lot of time to write. It forces my muse to work rather than be lazy. But it's definitely difficult to get into the mindset for writing when you're exhausted.
Good luck. I hope you'll have more time to write soon.
Chris - It sometimes seems impossible - but even with the 20 minute chunks I'm making some progress. It's slow but at least it's progress :)ReplyDelete
Lisa - I love the clock too! And you're right - at least I'm getting some time in! :)ReplyDelete
Emy - exhaustion is definitely the problem - much more so than the time frame. I've got to get some more sleep in somehow!ReplyDelete
Jemi, you've really hit a chord with this post. I'm very lucky. It's school hols, I don't start work again for another week, I'm flooded in, so I have hours to write at the mo', lucky me! It gets harder when I go to work of course, but then I still have mornings. I can't imagine 20 minute chunks being productive and I take my hat off to you!ReplyDelete
BTW the Publication Party has kicked off on my blog. I'd love it if you could come by and read what authors have to say about getting published. Perhaps you could leave a comment about your aspirations. There are prizes each week. Please come by. The champagne's free!
Denise :)
You poor thing! I can relate. It's hard to do it all, and lead a real life in the process. I hope you find some time to get some writing in soon!ReplyDelete
Denise - thanks! I'll definitely check out the Pub Party tonight or on the weekend (I'm heading to school in 5 minutes now).ReplyDelete
I'm so glad you're safe. That flooding is terrifying. The videos we've seen are horrific. Stay safe and write lots!!
Carol - thanks - me too :) Life always has those crazy months... or 2. I'm hoping February is a lot slower :)ReplyDelete
I wish I could help you.ReplyDelete
Good luck finding more time. Maybe things will settle dwon now, for a while anyway:)
Aw, I'm sorry. I've had days, weeks, months like that.ReplyDelete
Honestly, sleep gets sacrificed sometimes. (And I really like my sleep)
I have to prioritize or nothing gets done because I'm just too overwhelmed! But some times my priority list isn't what it ought to be! :)ReplyDelete
Thanks Terry! I hope things settle down soon too - thanks for the thoughts :)ReplyDelete
Jennifer - yeah - sleeping is definitely on the low priority list lately! :)ReplyDelete
Beth - so true! My family is my #1 priority and everything else comes WAY behind :)ReplyDelete
Hi, I hope your husband feels better soon, I had my lower disc removed back in 1989, and knew the next one up was weak but all has been well til now.ReplyDelete
Take care.
Yvonne - he's slowly getting better - thank goodness for chiropractors who know what they're doing!!! I hope yours starts improving too - hopefully it's just a temporary thing!ReplyDelete
I hear you, Jemi. How I hear you. The last weeks have been really bad for me too, and time refuses to behave himself- he is a really disobedient kid, isn't he?ReplyDelete
Rayna - exactly!!! My kids were SO much better behaved than time! I wish it would shape up and help us out here!ReplyDelete


text:
We've been diligently working on the amazing mound of paperwork that is needed to prove to the caseworkers that we are capable of being parents, aren't axe-murderers, and prove that we aren't dirt broke. I was really lucky to get a bunch of the work done before school started back, but once pre-planning started I've been so swamped that our progress came to a screeching halt.
It's amazing how even with all of the excitement of a new school year, mentoring an intern and two new teachers in our school, and of course meeting a bunch of new kids and seeing my old kids...the adoption paperwork has been hanging over my head the whole time. The good news? After almost a month, we're finally getting a glimpse of light at the end of THIS tunnel. We're finally at the point where we were able to set up our home visit. This is where the caseworker comes to our home and checks it out for safety and space purposes, and also interviews us. The big date for that is October 3rd, so that gives us about a month to finish gathering the paperwork and to get our house in order and clean!
|Here's one of the completed pages of
our profile. PLEASE tell me if you
think it looks bad...
|Anything you think we could do to
improve the look of the pages?
We want our profile to be reflective of who we are, but we only have about 15 pages to do that. There are so many great things we'd love to share, but we've read over and over again that it's best to include lots of photos. Choosing those photos has been the really hard part. Oh, how I wish that we had taken more photos over the past 7 years! We've managed to get a few from family, but we're starting to hit the point where we just don't have great photos for certain things...
Of course I'm at the point now where I have been staring at it for so long that I can't even tell if I'm doing a good job or not anymore! And of course there's a fine line between taking my time with it and being a perfectionist. After all, this has to be done before we can make a match!
|Unfortunately, most of the pages look
like this right now...missing photos.
So yeah, that's it for now...home visit on 10/3, hopefully a completed home study and profile shortly after, and then everyone cross your fingers for a quick match with a birth mother and baby after that! Thanks for letting me vent!

subset: commoncrawl


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St. Michaels Half Marathon Race Recap
May 17th was an absolutely beautiful day! I had been watching the 10 day forecast leading up to the race and I was happy to see that the rain headed our way would pass on Friday and leave Saturday to be amazing! St. Micheals is a quaint little town on the water on the Eastern… Continue reading St. Michaels Half Marathon Race Recap


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You are visiting a website or working on a web application. You like the website and suddenly feel that it might be a good idea to cover it in your blog. You quickly take a few screenshots, write an article on your blog, and include these screenshots in your article . Have you done anything wrong? The answer is... May be. You might have broken copyright protection law.
What is Copyright Protection?Copyright protection is a law that protects work from being copied or reproduced without permission from the owner. That way it encourages people to generate original work. Work includes articles, paintings, artwork and kinds of tangible content.
But the Website does not say it is Copyright Protected?
It does not matter. Even if the website does not explicitly mentions that the website content is copyright protected, it is still protected. Copyright protection is extended by default. You do not need to claim it like you need to claim patent or trademark. Exception to this protection will be when Owner explicitly waive the copyright. Examples of this waiver would be when Owner choose to place the content in public domain, or copyright the material using easier license such as "Creative Commons".
What is Fair Use?Fair use is legally allowed defence against Copyright protection law. Fair Use allows use of copyrighted material without permission from Copyright owner in certain circumstances such as reviews, criticism, and news reporting.
There is a quite a lot of ambiguity and it generally depends on a particular case whether using screenshot is copyright infringement or fair use. Here is a suggestion though.
Limit use of screenshots. If your article is full of screenshots, chances are that it is going to be considered copyright infringement. If you use a small screenshot in a long article, it might be considered fair use.


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Vysnova Celebrates African American History Month
Vysnova Partners celebrates African American History Month by honoring the many African American health pioneers and the impact they have had on healthcare and health research. From Dr. Patricia Bath, the first African American female physician awarded a patent for a medical invention and a current advocate of telemedicine and emerging technology in medical diagnosis and treatment, to Dr. Solomon Fuller who pioneered Alzheimer's research and advanced the study of many other neurodegenerative diseases, African American health professionals have advanced the world of healthcare and health research invaluably. To name a few, other African American innovators of the health industry include Dr. Jane Wright who elevated chemotherapy to a viable treatment option rather than a last-ditch effort at treating cancer, Dr. Charles Drew who led in the storing of blood for transfusions in blood plasma and organized the first large-scale blood bank in the U.S. during WWII, and Dr. Daniel Williams who was one of the first physicians of any race to successfully perform open-heart surgery. Vysnova Partners tips its hat to these and the countless other African Americans who have helped improve the health of the national and global community.


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An adult human mouth typically contains 32 teeth, including eight premolars, 12 molars, eight incisors, four canines and four wisdom teeth. Children generally have 20 deciduous or baby teeth, including eight molars, eight incisors and four canines.
The first teeth to form in infants are the two bottom front teeth, which occurs when a baby is 6 to 12 months old. Teething in children stops by age 3, at the end of which 10 maximally or upper baby teeth and 10 mandibular or lower teeth have come out. With the exclusion of the four wisdom teeth, a normal adult will have a complete set of permanent teeth by age 13. The wisdom teeth usually develop by age 18.


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Locker rooms and showers are available at the gym.
- This class has finished.
Iron Cardio
December 4 @ 6:00 am-7:00 am
|(same time every week) (See all)
An event every week that begins at 6:00am on Wednesday, repeating indefinitely
The foundation gym class of IronWolf Training! Burn fat, build muscle. It's athletic, functional, high intensity, total body strengthening and firming. No one struggles alone come and feel the team camaraderie and be a part of the pack!


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EL GRANDE the Uks biggest Latin party night returns for its February edition with 4 rooms, 10 dis, 10 teachers, classes, showcases, and over 1,000 dancers at every event. Doors open 9pm, classes from 9.30pm, party until 5am. Artists confirmed Gil & Shelley, Lazaro Lopez, Richard Fallon, Carl Kelly, Saulo Gonzalez, Riquita Alta, Andrea FitzPatrick , Dj Marito Da Silva, Dj Fabio Sousa Ceita, Pebbles Adamson, Dj Chino, Erick the Saint, Johnny Gee, Gilberto Zapata, Santee & Sasha, Alma de Pexava ,Karen Flores Ladies UK team, more tbc
To provide you with the best online experience this website uses cookies. By using our website, you agree to our privacy & cookie policy. Copyright (c) 2009 London Salsa. All rights reserved


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"When one is rising, standing, walking, doing something, stopping, one should constantly concentrate one's mind on the act and the doing of it. " --Aśvaghoṣa
I burned the sausages again today.
It's the second time this week that I've burned the sausages because I wasn't paying attention.
Here's my morning routine:
I get up, take the dog for a walk, wake the kids for the first time and then start breakfast. My kids do better with a bit of protein in the morning, so I try to make bacon or sausage or eggs for them most mornings.
I throw some meat in a pan and then I feed the dog, set the table, make lunches, wake the kids a second time and check the sausages.
But sometimes I get....distracted.
Usually by my email.
"I'll just check it 'real quick'," I say to myself. And the next thing I know the fire alarm is going off and breakfast is ruined.
The thing is, I know this.
I know that the secret to life is to stay present. It makes life easier. It saves a lot of heartache. And sausages.
But still I forget. Or I go un-present in spite of knowing. And when I do, I always get burned.
So, "Thanks Universe," for another reminder to stay present. And the dog thanks you for the sausages :)


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Ed Rush & Optical, whose debut album 'WORMHOLE' was one of the most popular drum'n'bass albums yet, have announced details of their second album
The album is entitled 'The Creeps', and continues the tight, dark and twisted drum'n'bass sound that has become their trademark. Talking exclusively to nme.com, Ed Rush explained how the album had been recorded piecemeal to fit in with the pair's manic DJ schedule. "The tracks are spaced over a long period of time," he explained. "It means we've come out with quite a varied sound."
He was also upbeat about the current state of drum'n'bass, despite accusations that the genre is on the wane. "I think it was true to a certain degree," he considered. "There tended to be so much noise, people forgot there was a groove going on. It's not a noise competition. We're still into disgustingly noisy tracks, but as long as it's got a groove. Maybe it's a reflection of us maturing a little bit. It's still hard beats, but I think the obvious aggression has maybe died down a little bit."
A vinyl version of 'The Creeps' will be released sometime in November, the CD in February 2001. Both are released through Wormhole Records.


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Merachka is a producer, remixer, writer, singer, and DJ who firmly represents the city of Detroit. As a masked crusader (a Detroit tradition started by Underground Resistance and Scan 7), Merachka's music productions, song writing, vocal performances and remixes have captivated dance floors worldwide on labels like Axis, Defected, Planet E, Nervous, Soul Heaven, Bargrooves, NeedWant, and Intangible.
Merachka has quickly established a solid international profile with DJing & singing performances in 22 countries. Past events include Movement Festival (Detroit), Charivari Festival (Detroit), Panorama Bar (Berlin), Ministry Of Sound (London), Djoon (Paris), Analog Room (Dubai), Apparitions Festival (Todos Santos), Pin Up (Murmansk), along with festival & club events in Russia, Ukraine, Bulgaria, France, Belgium, Italy, Switzerland, The Netherlands, Mexico, China, South Korea, Japan, Georgia, Ireland, Iceland, Nicaragua, Malta, Austria and USA.
May 31 2019 marks the release of Jeff Mills iconic classic "IF" on Purpose Maker/Axis Records of which Merachka is a featured vocalist with remixes by Terrence Parker. Other note worthy releases include Nervous Records' "Acid Overlook"; a track by the Detroit Techno group Ataxia which features collaborative remixes by Merachka & Terrence Parker for which Merachka also wrote lyrics and is the featured vocalist. Merachka was featured on "Don't Waste Another Minute" which she co-produced & co-wrote with Terrence Parker for his album release "GOD Loves's Detroit" on Carl Craig's Planet E label. In addition to her own techno debut release from 2014 entitled "Undergroov EP" on Intangible Records, Merachka also released "Flash The Light" which she co-produced & co-wrote with techno producer GunBee from Belgium.
London based Defected Records released "Open Up Your Spirit" featuring Merachka as the song's lyrical writer, vocalist, and remixer for this lead single from Terrence Parker's "Life On The Back 9" expanded version. This critically acclaimed single helped drive the album to the number 1 spot on the Traxsource Top 100 Album Sales Chart within 1 week of its release. "Open Up Your Spirit" is one of the featured tracks on the "Life On The Back 9" original album release by Carl Craig's Planet E label in Detroit, and appears on several UK Top 20 Dance Chart compilations including Defected In The House Amsterdam, Soul Heaven Miami, and Defected Most Rated. In addition, Merachka has produced and released a collection of Detroit Techno tracks entitled "Undergroov EP" released on Intangible Records, and has a remix of Kelly Gunn (Jarmon)'s "GOD HE Is" which also appears on the "Life On The Back 9" Defected album release.
With several new releases coming in 2019, Merachka seeks to bring back the lost hidden corners of Detroit.
February 2 - Grasshopper Underground - Ferndale/USA
February 8 - Khidi - Tbilisi/GEORGIA
February 15 - Brooklyn TBA - NYC/USA
February 16 (early morning) - Bushwick AV Afterhours - NYC/USA
March 1 - Plastic Milano - Milan/ITALY
March 8 - Folie's Pigalle - Paris/FRANCE
March 9 - Opex Productions @ Magazine Club - Lille/FRANCE
April 20 - Capital City Film Festival - Lansing/USA
May 3 - Le Rafiot - Strasbourg/FRANCE
May 5 - La Madone - Lyon/FRANCE
May 7 - AFR @ Bellona Club - Lyon/FRANCE
May 10 - Sass Music Anniversary - Vienna/AUSTRIA
May 11 - Warehouse Club - Nantes/FRANCE
May 18 - House Of Yes - NYC/USA
May 27 - Anthology @ City Club - Detroit/USA
June 15 - Rooftop - Paris/FRANCE
June 28 - River Port - Kiev/UKRAINE
June 29 - Kurazh Bazar Festival - Kiev/UKRAINE
July 7 - Terrace Of Café - Dnepro/UKRAINE
July 19 - Khidi - Tbilisi/GEORGIA
July 20 - Reflector Club - Kutaisi/GEORGIA
July 21 - To Be Announced - Batumi/GEORGIA
August 3 - Marble Bar - Detroit/USA
August 4 - Charivari - Detroit/USA
August 10 - Sheometry Festival - Detroit/USA
September 14 - I-Boat - Bordeaux/FRANCE
September 21 - Euro Party - Ferndale/USA
November 9 - Le Chapiteau - Marseille/FRANCE
November 22 - AFR @ Bellona Club - Lyon/FRANCE
December 31 - NYE To Be Announced - Kyiv/UKRAINE


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This world is like a game of Monopoly that has stopped because players have become stuck with the belongings they have, afraid of the unknown and therefore afraid to roll the dice.
Lost in time, they dream at night, making one illusion realer because of another one within it.
But there is a way to wake up and erase the old rules.
The dream is gone when you're awake.
What you think of life disappears when you become truly Alive.
We've forgotten it's a Game and that the end is certain
and no, it's not death - but a coming together of all the players.
We can only win collectively, not by individually collecting our differences and possessions.
Giving is winning, instant gratification.
Taking is hating, choosing damnation.


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The TLN3120/TLN4220 is a fully electronic bed specially designed for Alzheimer residents or others with similar needs. Adjustment of head, foot angle and bed height is achieved easily with a touch of a button. New UL approved low voltage DC electronic system provides quiet and smooth operations. Welded angle steel construction with reinforced corner plates provide maximum stability and durability. 3" swivel, locking casters provide increased security. Reinforced bed frame provides maximum bed strength and support.
Product Specifications


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A true comedy that you don't have to hold up a mirror for.
|"Peep World" is a peek into a world of a dysfunctional family. It's a dysfunctional family comedy and it's funny. Henry had four children, even though he really shouldn't have had any, and they all pretty much hate each other and him. This movie is set on one particular day: Henry's birthday, and right after the youngest sibling, Nathan (Ben Schwartz), wrote a best-selling book revealing the family's secrets.
Directed by: Barry W. Blaustein
Screenplay by: Peter Himmelstein
Starring: Ben Schwartz, Kate Mara and Michael C. Hall


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Top Mistakes New Parents Makeposted by Andrea | 10/4/2011
Ever since the magazine industry found out I was pregnant, they've all be ganging up on me and sending me every single baby/parenting/pregnancy magazine around. And even though I'm not a huge fan of extra magazines and paper clutter, I always skim through them to see if there is any semi-useful information.
The other day, in the October issues of Baby Talk Magazine, I found a very interesting article about the Top Mistakes new Parents Make. It immediately caught my attention so I kept reading.
Since parenting is anything BUT simple and organized, I've been wondering if I will make these same mistakes… and if there are other mistakes that will also top my list? Below are the mistakes listed in the article — let me know what you think!
Top Mistakes New Parents Makes:
1. Cramming the Crib Too Full:
Apparently you really shouldn't have anything in the crib — which I did know. But what about any type of blanket to cover them with?
2. Not Taking Care of Yourself:
Yup, I've seen this before! And even though I swear that I will not be one of THOSE moms who go out with her PJs on and messy hair — I have a hunch that there will be many days when I stay in my PJs all day {while working from home of course!}
3. Comparing Your Baby to Other Babies:
Honestly, is it really possible NOT to do this at all??
4. Letting Dad Take a Back Seat:
I don't see this happening to us — mainly because I don't think Dave would let it happen. He is just so excited about this baby, and even though I know he'll be apprehensive and a bit nervous at times {as will I}, I definitely think he'll take a very active role in raising our baby girl.
5. Having a Rigid Sleep Schedule and Routine:
Ok, so I'm having a hard time with this one. Maybe the issue here is the word "rigid" — because I'm definitely hoping to instill some type of sleep schedule and routine ASAP!
I've already been informed that I need to read the book Baby Wise for lots of great information about sleep schedules, etc. I've since put it on hold at our local library and am just waiting for the email saying that it's in!
6. Not Enjoying the Moment:
I can't even tell you how many emails, comments, and messages I've gotten from other moms saying that this is one of their biggest regrets — and encouraging me NOT to make the same mistake.
I'll try not to!
7. Trying to be Supermom:
Yup, I could totally see this happening to me — not necessarily because I'm trying to be "supermom", but because I'm trying to be "superwomen"! I am definitely going to try to relax and "chill out" as much as possible because I have often been guilty of trying to "do it all" and then I'll be exhausted.
8. Feeding the Baby Too Much:
How much is too much? Wouldn't that be different for every baby? I suppose this is just something I'll have to learn on my own!
9. Not Trusting Your Instincts:
I'm a little worried about this because I was never big into baby sitting, and I really don't like being around other people's children {Yes, I know that sounds awful, but it's true}. So I feel like I don't have a lot of experience with babies and I guarantee I'll often wonder if I'm doing the "right thing".
10. Having NO Sleep Schedule:
Praying and hoping that this does not happen to us. And if it does, it will not be because of my lack of trying 🙂
So what do you think — is this a pretty comprehensive list or do you have others you'd like to add?
Were you guilty of any of these?
Leave a comment
62 comments
sheri giffin11/30/2011
Just wanted to let you know that God gives you the instincts that you need. No babysitting required. Don't be afraid to trust those instincts when something with Nora is not quite right. No one knows her better than you.
Enjoy her.
You definitely received a lot of advice!
I wanted to add another book that was a great resource to me: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg. I used this book along side of Babywise and I really liked the charts that she has in her book. One of the charts describe various things that the baby might be doing while crying – and what that means…crying does not always mean that they are hungry! Anyway, I liked the book and suggest it to you, since you are desiring a schedule.
My two boys were very different – #1 was "textbook, and slept through the night at 15 weeks! #2 took a LOT longer to sleep through the night. It stressed me out a little bit, but I came to realize that I needed to relax and eventually he would sleep through! (he does now!)
I pray that you have a wonderful rest of your pregnancy, and a speedy, safe and uneventful labor and delivery!
I think this is definitely a great list. Im one of those moms that still to this day doesnt have a set schedule. I tried really hard to do it and felt like I about lost it and a friend suggested to just go with the flow and she will get on a schedule on her own. Great advice that I still remember. Some people can keep a baby down to a schedule and others not.
Please rethink following BabyWise for advice. It's fine to follow a routine but babies shouldn't be kept on a rigid schedule, especially if you're planning to breastfeed. I've heard horror stories about babies failing to thrive because their moms tried feeding them on a schedule instead of on demand. Would you like it if someone told you that you could only eat every 4 hours and that you weren't hungry even when you were screaming that you were? I don't mean this to sound like a rant but babies know what they need and when they need it 🙂
And wearable blankets are the best! They keep babies warm and you from worrying about them at night.
I just had to comment when I saw that you've been advised to read BabyWise. If you can't already tell, it's a hot topic, love it, or hate it. I did some research and found a whole community of people against BabyWise… it might be worth while to look up if you do read the book.
On the other hand I've read the book and I the only thing I liked was their idea of eat, play, sleep. It does make for a better sleeping baby. I did it that way with my first and he slept wonderfully. My second however I nursed to sleep every time and at 14 months she still wakes up around 5 every morning screaming for me to feed her. I will never do it this way again! I loved cuddling and nursing her to sleep, but this messed up sleep thing is no fun!
Jen @ BigBinder10/06/2011
A lot of folks have covered a lot of things in the comments – but one I would add is that you have to stop doing something for your child if it makes you resent them. I know that sounds awful, but there are some people who are determined to breastfeed, or let the baby cry it out, or not let them cry it out, or feed them or not feed solids them by a certain age or cloth diaper or WHATEVER but more important than the benefits of ANY of these things is that what you do for your child, you do with a loving heart. If BF (or any of the above, or anything else..) drives you absolutely crazy and you want to stop, stop. Don't listen to anyone else. There will be bigger issues that people have strong opinions about when the baby gets older and it's good practice for listening to yourself as a mother. God gives us a lot of wisdom when we have a baby, we just have to listen to it 🙂
I'm the mum of two the oldest is 7 and I can say hand on heart, that list sums it up. Spot on.
(I left this comment on facebook too because, for some reason, these comments didn't show up the first time around.)
My biggest mistake was thinking I was in control and that it was my job to make these little humans submit to my will. I did not use enough respect in my parenting and I would change that if I got a re-do. Read Chick Moorman's parenting books and start practicing speaking in respectful ways now before your child is born.
Wow, that's A LOT of advice. I think my head would be totally spinning. I have 4 children (14,12,9&8) — taking care of a newborn is much easier than a pre-teen, teenager 🙂 However, it seems that the most advice written about & verbalized is for a newborn, infant, toddler etc… I'm also a teacher just like your husband – and what I've learned is that all children are different, but many definitely pick up the "habits" of their parents. 🙂
Just as all relationships are different, so are parenting styles – just because one thing worked for one family doesn't mean that it will work for ALL families/children.
For example, some children are light sleepers some are not – not to say that you can't help to change/modify that to a certain degree by adding noise etc… Some children like to eat, some do not. Some sleep a lot, some sleep a little. Some get really fussy at night, some do not. Some are morning people, some are not – some are organized, some are not… okay, so we're talking newborns here… but I think you get the point 🙂
Personally I think the best advice to listen to – is advice like – enjoy your baby etc… The rest of the advice… about feeding, schedules etc… is give and take between you and your child. You have to work with her personality, but fit it into your lifestyle. We have 4 children, so the things I did for our first child were not what I could do for the 4th.
Lastly just keep in mind that whatever you do decide to do, will eventually become habit for your child and habits are hard to break 🙂 —
Andrea Reply:
October 5th, 2011 at 8:14 am
Don't worry Dianne — I'm just taking everyone's advice with a grain of salt! And yes, I'm listening to ALL the ladies who have told me to "relax, enjoy my baby, things will be fine, you can do this, etc."
Thanks for your advice and words of encouragement!
Megan Camp10/04/2011
I know others have mentioned it but definitely get a wearable blanket for your baby girl (in many different sizes). I've used them in winter and summer until my kids are about two and can manage to keep blankets ON them at night. You can swaddle in the beginning. I had two winter babies so I would put them in their wearable blankets and THEN swaddle as well. I had my big down blanket and couldn't stand to see them in a sleeper and little tiny blanket. They make different weights too. I use a heavier wearable blanket during the cold months and a thin, cotton one in the summer. After a few months, I also gave them blankets to snuggle but they don't really keep those ones on them.
I've never been one to read lots of baby books as I've had lots of experience babysitting and working with kids. However, here's one piece of advice I learned from a babysitting mom that I've kept with me regarding sleep. I love my sleep and I have two children who LOVE to sleep. Many of my friends ask me how I get them to sleep so much. She had three kids and here's what she said:
Baby number 1, she used a book (probably babywise) and put the baby on a pretty rigid schedule. It worked for her but her baby hated the crib and would cry at every nap and bedtime.
Baby number 2. I honestly don't remember exactly what she did but she didn't use the book/schedule method. Baby still hated sleeping.
Baby number 3. This was going to be her last baby and she wanted to treasure the moments with him. At naptime and bedtime, she made a point of snuggling with him and making bedtime something really positive. He has always loved going to bed and would rarely cry when laid down (even by me).
Obviously, I tried the last method with my kids and it worked great for me!
I am okay with letting my kids cry it out and they have done that at times. However, my 11 mo old usually cries from the time I lay him down until I walk out and close the door (about 3 seconds). If you make going to bed a comforting thing, your baby will probably do really well. Never use the crib as a place for punishing/discipline. You want them to LIKE going to bed.
Also, remember the habits you instill in them when they're young (say past 3 months old) are the ones you're going to have to break down the road if you don't like them. If you don't want a picky baby who has to be swaddled and nursed to sleep, have a dark room and absolute quiet then break those habits when they're young. Unswaddle them when they start breaking out of it. Make some noise while they sleep (I used to vacuum), leave the shades UP during naptime (so they can sleep whether it's light or dark, don't nurse them to sleep (nurse them until they're close to being asleep but lay your baby down awake so SHE learns how to fall asleep on her own) etc. It's easy to teach them things when they're a couple months old…just make sure whatever you teach them you're willing to do for a LONG time or you'll have a hard time breaking bad habits. I used to let my babies sleep with me, on me, near me etc until they were about 3 months. At that point, I moved them to their own room (even though I would have loved them to stay near me) because I wanted to start good sleeping habits. Oh, one more…when your baby falls asleep in the car, don't be afraid to unbuckle them to move them to their crib. Both of my kids (11 mo & nearly 4yrs) transport well and will fall back asleep if I carry them upstairs. I can lay them down at other people's house's to sleep and transport them home no problem (which is great when we want to get out and hang out with friends!) I have many friends who can't come over in the evenings because their kids haven't been raised to be flexible when it comes to sleep. Your child will adjust to whatever you do with them!
Congrats on the upcoming arrival!
I'm pretty sure you cannot overfeed a baby if you are breastfeeding. And, I kind of think it's okay to NOT have a sleep schedule. I just feel that babies know what they need and if you just listen to their cues you will be right on target.
And, yeah, it is impossible not to compare your baby to other babies!
Hi Andrea, lovin' all the comments on this post. I think parent magazines are made to make us more paranoid as parents! 🙂 I unsubscribed to many of them after my first baby was born. Being a mom of two (and baby #3) on the way, I wanted to add my two cents 🙂 I read babywise with both my girls. I like the ideas of it (eat, awake time, then sleep), I liked not having my baby dependent on feeding in order to sleep. The rest of it I felt was too rigid. Like many of the other moms mentioned, you and your baby will find your own sense of rhythm. And each baby is different. (My first one was a great eater and would get full feedings, my second one liked to "snack" and over time she grew out of that and would take full feedings).
I loved your comment under #9 🙂 I baby sat a ton, but there is something different about taking care of your own child. Mommy instinct will kick in and you will be an AWESOME mommy to YOUR baby! Just love on that baby girl, relax, breathe and pray. God will pour out His grace in such an amazing way!! Can't wait to celebrate with you in a few weeks!! 🙂
Andrea Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:58 pm
Aw… thanks Emily!
Yes, who know this would be such a controversial issue! All of my friends/ family who have used BabyWise basically said the same thing you did — they thought it was a little ridged but they liked the whole idea of "eat, awake time, sleep". I'm trying to read a few different books from different perspectives so hopefully I'll have a good wealth of information before our baby arrives. Then I can pick and choose what I feel is best for her.
Congrats on your future bundle of joy and thanks for the great advice!
Kudos on picking a hot topic close to every Mother's heart. These babies, these delicious lovely sweet gifts can help you check off all of those "mistakes" in a single day if your having a really rough one. Its how kids help keep you humble. Articles like this one irritate me because they miss the point. It isn't the mistake that is important it's all in the way you move forward and learn from it and you never know that "mistake" might become a blessing in disguise. For Example: Take the one where you are still in you pj's at 5pm and your hair looks like a birds nest. My first was born in the middle of a snowy cold winter so there were plenty of days where I rocked the housewife hag look. The blessing – now snow days are our pj day and we stop the rushing, slow down enjoy some unexpected family time. They are our family's best days.
Oh and lets not forget that our kids can learn so much from seeing us mess up, fess up and move on.
Somehow it works out 🙂
Andrea Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:43 pm
Thanks Sarah!
I figured this could be a hot topic, but I didn't expect such a huge response — you should see how many emails I've gotten already today 🙂
I honestly couldn't agree MORE with everything you said. Thanks for your non-judgmental opinions and encouragement!
Might I recommend the askdrsears website for sleep advice. Babywise is terrible and the AAP has specifically discouraged it because it has been directly linked to baby's failure to thrive (aka babies practically starving to death).
Check out this link: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-problems/8-infant-sleep-facts-every-parent-should-know
Gina Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:37 pm
Babies HAVE DIED on the Babywise schedules. Every single pediatric group recommends not using strict schedules for infants.
Hi Andrea,
I really like your blog – all the organizing, cooking, simplifying advice is wonderful. Thank you for all the hard work you put into it.
The book that made the most impact on me as a new mom is The Ministry of Parenting Your Baby by Dr. William Sears. I wish I'd read it before my first labor, but I got so much out of it afterward and then reread it before my second. It's a thoughtful, God-centered book with rich advice for new parents that helped me learn to trust my mommy instinct and love my babies well in the way that worked for them (and me), and gave me freedom to toss away the "systems" and enjoy their infancy. It's very good information on nurturing both babe and mama. It may be out of print but perhaps available on used sites. It's worth looking for.
I'm an organized person who loves systems and a good to-do list with many checked off items! However, my best advice is to slow down and enjoy your baby, take the time you need to make sure both of you are well cared for, and the rest will all fall into place eventually. So you don't blog and organize and take photos for a few days. You're investing in something much more important. Bless you!
Andrea Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:45 pm
Thanks Hilary,
I'm totally open to all books and materials right now so I will definitely check our your suggestion. I think I've already read one book by William Sears too! I'm hoping that by getting lots of different perspectives and advice I'll be able to put everything together and pick/choose what information is best for our family and our baby.
Thanks again for this helpful information and your kind words!
I agree with the posts about swaddling or sleep sacks. Those are the way to keep baby warm when he/she is little. Before our daughter was born, I took a newborn childcare class. That was really helpful. I didn't have much experience with children, but was surprised how much comes naturally. My daughter is 14 months now.
Since it looks like you want to try breastfeeding, I highly recommend finding a local la leche league. http://www.llli.org. I'd even start attending before the baby is born. The ladies in the league are nursing moms who can share the benefits of breast feeding, can give tips on latching, things you may not expect such as cluster feeding, or growth spurt nursing, or soreness.
I didn't read baby wise, but I really liked Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I also recommend joining moms groups, especially ones connected to new moms. It is so good to have encouragement of other moms to help you know what you're going through is normal/will pass, and give tips on what worked for them.
Having my baby was harder than I thought it would be, but the rewards are indescribable. Congratulations! I found your blog a few months ago and really like it. My prayers are with you!
I have a 6 month old son so I am still learning, but…..I do have a lot of friends with kids the same age as my son. I'm not comparing or tooting my own horn or anything, but my son slept through the night at 6 weeks and all my friends are still getting up with their babies. I have tried to keep a strict sleep schedule and I think that has been one of the keys. The other important suggestion I have is this: Once your baby hits 8 pounds, they can sleep through the night. At 5 weeks old, I stopped feeding my son at night. For 3 nights, he would cry at his normal every 3 hour time and I would go in there, give him the pacifier or rock him until he either went back to sleep or stopped crying. I put him back in his crib and went back to bed. After 3 nights, he stopped waking up and slept through the night. He now sleeps from 7:30-6:30, sometimes later. I am sooo thankful that I get a full night's sleep now! So a sleep schedule is good, but you have to know that the naps are where it's hardest to keep a schedule.
As far as a blanket goes, you will probably be swaddling the baby for the first few weeks (Charlie was swaddled until 10 weeks) so they don't need a blanket. After that, they sleep in a sleep sack that acts as their blanket. My son sleeps with a thin, muslin blanket now and he loves having it up by his face…gives me a heart attack when it's up by his face but everytime I pull it down, he pulls it right back up.
I am also ver organized and love a routine so I am looking forward to reading how you organize motherhood. It's AMAZING!!!!!!!!
Andrea Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:48 pm
haha — thanks Joanie! I'm definitely going to try to be an organized mom, but I'm sure I'll make many "mistakes" along the way! I'll probably even have days where I stay in my PJ's all day 🙂
We've heard lots of good things about swaddling and sleep sacks so I registered for a bunch of those items. Hopefully they will help!
Thanks again for your tips and encouragement!
Yes, my constant talk about how I love routine and my great sleepers clearly made its way into her mind! I also recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It's presentation and organization isn't the best, but the info in it is great.
Gutsy girl for mentioning Babywise on a public forum! If you haven't noticed already, there are QUITE a lot of opinions about it! And here's mine of course! I used the book but it drove me nuts when my first baby didn't do exactly what it said, because it sounded great to me! I found this blog: http://www.babywisemom.com/ and she fleshes the whole philosophy out a ton. Beware, because the mom who writes it comes across as a bit arrogant at times, but overall the information there helped me a lot. You can join their email group too, and email questions anytime and get almost immediate answers, which I loved in the first few months of my kid's lives. Wishing you all the best! 🙂
As a mother of 4 I only ever have 2 pieces of advice.
1. Never buy clothes with feet before the baby is born – my first was extra long and things with feet didn't fit. Oops! We crammed her into a few items for pictures for relatives, but she only ever wore it less than 5 minutes.
2. You know what is best for your family and for yourself. Trust your instincts. When you receive advice, smile, nod, and be honest say you'll think about it. The time it takes for it to travel from one ear and out the other is all the time you have to give to think about something. (Or in one eye and out the other if reading the advice…)
Keep in mind that your baby is not a little adult. She is an individual human being, with her own likes and dislikes. Don't try to be rigid, set a schedule yes, but go with the flow.
You will quickly become the expert in this particular child – more so than the doctors and the authors and your neighbours and your family. Even your husband won't know as much about this baby as you will. He'll be a close second though.
Just remember to breathe – especially when things get overwhelming. Take a moment and remember that tomorrow will come anyway, why worry about it. Be present to the moment, to right this second, (yes, even when your baby spits up for the 100th time today and hasn't slept for more than 20 minutes in 72 hours and is completely inconsolable unless in your own arms…) Everybody else and everything else can take care of themselves for a minute or a bit. All you have to do is to breathe, take a moment and be in this moment until it's time for the next moment. When you do, you'll realize that you've got things under control.
As an ADHD mom of 4 (3 of whom also have ADHD) I can officially say that if my kids and I can do it you surely can! (My girls range from 16-9 and are some of the most respected, well-liked, responsible kids anybody has ever met… Their rooms are horrid, their books a disaster, and somehow they pull in some of the best marks in school! Thank God for His divine hand in this 'cause I certainly had no clue – and I did it mostly on my own to boot!)
Babywise is a big help. The comment above about AAP not recommending it is not true. There are people devoted to attachment parenting who bash this book in amazon.com comments, write other stuff on the internet, don't worry about it. Most doctors will recommend basically this sort of thing. If you think about it, it's what moms who use formula do, have the baby on a basic routine for feeding rather than snacking all the time. If you are doing good, full nursing sessions, it works the same. I tried the AP/demand feeding thing with my first and it was a disaster. It was much harder to get on track with him a bit bigger, but when we did all of his digestive issues and fussiness cleared up and he was the happiest thing. With my new little girl (one month!) we have started with a flexible routine from early on and it is going so much better. Her weight gain has been wonderful too, back to birth weight by five days and totally thriving – much better than our results with the AP way too. I highly recommend a routine as the kindest thing you can do for your baby, and coincidentally it works out great for you too. I had no plan going into my first – too scared to visualize it all having lost three in early pregnancy before him – and we really paid for it. Read a bunch of stuff so you won't be stuck diving into it while totally tired. Work together with your husband as your learn.
Breastfeeding is almost always hard the first time, in the beginning. Just aim for full feedings and try to teach yourself and baby what a good latch looks like from the beginning. Ask for help from the lactation consultant at the hospital, if there is one. It's harder in the beginning, but SO much easier once you get the hang of it. Plus it's good for both of you. Formula is fine too, but if you want to nurse, don't be too discouraged by a couple of hard weeks in the beginning.
Use a wearable blanket, like a sleep sack or one of the ones that is a swaddler too (miracle blanket for instance). Safe for baby and warm too.
You will be uncertain, it will be hard, but it's wonderful too. Good luck!
Nickelshoe Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Since the above commenter gave evidence that the AAP does not recommend Babywise, do you have evidence to contradict that? The AAP does in fact recommend demand feeding: http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;115/2/496
Jennifer Reply:
October 5th, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I almost didn't say anything because people are so touchy about this, but didn't want Andrea to potentially write off a good resource. Those guidelines say feed baby 8-12 times a day when they seem hungry. That is exactly what babywise says. The points in babywise are to not assume hunger is the issue with every cry, which is more sensible when you have worked to get baby to have a good, full feeding each time. Not getting enough hind milk is a common cause for tummy trouble, fussiness, and not as good weight gain – and I saw all that first hand when I was constantly feeding my son. Follow babywise – and the AAP guidelines, which are the same – rather than constant demand feeding as advised by the AP line of thinking cleared that up quickly. It's demand feeding, but not in that sense, and since the term has kind of come to mean that particular way, it's not really helpful to describe the sort of demand feeding babywise suggests. Babywise quotes the AAP guidelines and book, and is right in line with them. It says to always feed a hungry baby. It just says to be sure to think about what the baby really needs, not just nurse all the time. It's good advice, in my experience. As long as whatever guidelines you are following are producing good results for you, I say use them. Having found the guidelines in babywise useful myself, I always suggest people really consider them. Many of the people who leave bad comments about the book clearly haven't read it, and I wouldn't want anyone to be scared off by that, it's bad information.
And I won't say anymore about that. Good luck Andrea! Praying for a healthy and safe delivery for you and every good thing for baby!
Andrea Reply:
October 5th, 2011 at 5:11 pm
Thanks Jennifer — I couldn't agree more!
Don't worry, I'm not being "scared off" by all the negative comments… and we're reading more than one book too 🙂 We're just taking in as much information as we can and will use what seems to work with our baby.
I really appreciate your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement!
Mara @ Super Savings Reply:
October 6th, 2011 at 1:47 pm
I completely agree with Jennifer (well said Jennifer!)! We have 5 "babies" (ages 1-11) and have used the principles of BabyWise for all of them and they were all happy, healthy, and sleeping through the night around 3-5 weeks old. They recommend in the book to be flexible with the schedule (which honestly was difficult with our 1st baby since we wanted to do it just "right"), but like Jennifer said it's about making sure the baby gets fed well each time and then you'll know if the baby "should" be crying about being hungry or something else.
I think it makes life SO much easier! If it's "time" for a nap, then it's normal to be crying about being tired……if it's "time" to eat, then it's normal to be crying about being hungry……but, if the baby's days are just "willy nilly eat/sleep whenever" you may have to start from scratch every time to figure out why the baby's upset. (that would drive me bonkers!)
Personally, we love and wholeheartedly endorse the book — but like with any resource, trust your instincts and the Lord and you'll do just fine. Take any nuggets you can from it and make it work for your family.
When I was pregnant with our first, my husband's aunt gave me my favorite bit of advice……."The baby doesn't know if you're doing everything "right" or not. It just wants to be loved and fed……you'll figure out the rest." There will certainly be a learning curve, but you'll find out that most things are not that big of a deal. From the little bit of time I've spent with you, and the heart I can see from you and your husband on here — you guys will be wonderful parents and do just fine! =)
~ Mara @ Super Savings
p.s. even now with my own 5, I still don't always love to be around other people's kids — yours on the other hand will own your heart! I remember falling in love with each one (quickly or slowly) and being surprised each time by how much I could love this tiny being!
p.p.s. personally, I take everything from the AAP with a grain of salt. 😉
Andrea Reply:
October 6th, 2011 at 4:57 pm
Thanks Myra — yes, I'm sure being flexible is the key. we are just taking in lots of information right now and will uses what seems to be the best for our family when that time comes.
Although I'm sure after 5 kids, you have quite a bit of wisdom to share!!!
You will find your way.. and will be fine.. Just try not to take all the stuff people tell you so personally.. You do what you feel is right. Great saying I was told when my kids were born. "you are the one that has to walk the floor at night to get her to sleep not everyone else so you do what you need to do."
She will conform to your schedule, the tempture you keep your house at and all. Tell Dad not to get too upset if new baby only wants Mom.. Gotta remember she is used to your heart beat and smell So she might want you more in the begining than Dad. But over time she will be a Daddy's girl and you are out the door! LOL
Sue in NJ
Andrea Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:52 pm
Thanks Sue — I figured I would get lots of opinions and advice after we announced we were have a baby — and I didn't plan to take any of it personally! I figure I'll just soak up as much information as possible and then use the bits and pieces that work for us.
I like that you mentioned how the baby will conform to our schedule, I never thought of it that way, but I'm sure you're right. I always just figured we'd have to work our lives around this baby's schedule {and to some degree that is probably true} but I like your way of phrasing it too!
Oh, and I have NO doubt she'll be daddy's girl in no time 🙂
I swaddled both kids and my daughter actually liked being swaddled til she was about 7 months old. Now we just put one blanket on her (she just turned 1) but we used a sleep sack for the longest time with my son because he moved soooo much when he slept so we were always too worried about it. My daugther just lays there so we dont worry too much about it.
Both of my kids slept through the night pretty early on so we were lucky there. My son was on a pretty good schedule at about 6 months old (i prob wouldnt worry too much about a "rigid" schedule before that) but my daughter is not so great with the scheduling, lol. Its hard since she is the second kid and she sort of has to work around the rest of our schedules as far as naps go. One thing for certain is that no matter what they will eventually get there so dont worry too much about any of these things in the beginning:)
As much as i hate it, i am one of those moms who run out of the house in PJs and messy hair. Well, ok i dont wear my PJs but i pretty much just take a shower and throw my hair back and call it good. I wish i was the type of person to do my hair and makeup before i left the house but our mornings are really busy…. Well, ok, i just have really terrible time management skills and i like sleeping as late as the kids will allow and relaxing with a cup of coffee or 2 before we do anything;)
As long as you and DH do things that work for you, you will be fine:)
Im not sure how i feel about BabyWise but i really like the Happiest Baby on the Block.
Stacey Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 1:57 pm
Ok weird, when i submitted my comment it changed the order of some of my paragraphs. Crazy!
This is a great list and if you don't mind, I have a couple (ok, a lot) of comments to make.
1. Use a sleep sack or swaddle your infant. Babies like to be swaddled and will sleep longer (mine did).
3. You WILL compare your baby to others! Just understand that there is a huge range of normal growth. My first son didn't talk much until 2.5 – hard for me but much easier now that I have an 18 month old who is quiet too.
5. I think a semi-rigid sleep schedule is a must! That is after 6-9 months. When your baby can sleep through the night, it's time to start on a good sleep routine. My kids go to bed at the same time every night and take naps at the same time every day. Ninety percent of the time, that is. In the first months, I let my babies sleep in my bedroom. I fed them when they woke and always kept the room dark (I used the TV for light but a nightlight would suffice). When they woke I changed his diaper (to make sure he'd wake up enough to eat a significant amount – note, this will wake your husband too but soon he'll be able to sleep through the 2 minutes of crying), fed him, burped him and put him back to sleep in his bassinet. I did this for 3 months or so. Soon he only woke once during the night and I'd go to get him from his own room, brought him to my bed where I'd nurse laying down. Once he was done, I'd return him to his own crib (he didn't need a diaper in the middle of the night at that point). Also don't be afraid to let them cry in the middle of the night – once they are a bit older (12 months). I now have two GREAT sleepers (18 months and 4 years). They go to bed with NO problems. I have friends who struggle for an hour plus every night to get their kids to bed.
8. If you nurse you won't feed the baby too much. If you formula feed you could feed him/her too much but if you use a pacifier, that should feed the baby's need to suckle. I think it's less likely that you'll overfed a pacified baby. It's recommended that you don't give the baby a pacifier until nursing is well-established (10 days). In those first 10 days, the baby will use you as a pacifier but that's a good thing, it'll help your milk come in. It'll feel like you are attached at the boob though!
9. Having one of your own makes it (slightly) easier to deal with other people's kids. You'll question yourself in the beginning but it will get easier.
I think the biggest thing we did was work the babies into our family's schedule. They learned to sleep when we were out if it was their normal rest time (not as well, or for as long, but we didn't have to be home every day at the exact same time-that's rigid to me). We definitely used routines and honored baby's needs as much as our own. If we had a little more going on, baby had to adjust but within reason: if baby was sick, just having a rough day, we recognized it and maybe one of us did the shopping alone that we'd hoped to do together. As for trusting your instincts, no matter how 'little' you think your instincts are, it's about trusting when there seem to be warning bells going off, no matter how 'logical' the situation looks on the outside. Whether that is health, safety or something else. Sometimes I just asked myself: is this problem, parenting topic, issue etc something that people have only debated/argued/had a guideline for in the last few decades or is it the kind of wisdom they would have used 10, 100 and 1000 years ago. If in doubt, go with time-tested approaches.
1. Look at wearable blankets, sleep sacks, swaddle blankets. We loved these for our little guy.
Hi Andrea!
Congrats on the baby! I am expecting as well and due on October 25th, I can't believe how fast it is coming up! In regards to your blanket question, I used the Carter's blanket sleepers with my first and LOVE them! You aren't supposed to have anything in the crib, especially when they become mobile, so these were a lifesaver! There are several varieties of blanket sleepers on the market but I prefer the Carter ones because they are the only ones I could find with sleeves, all others are sleeveless. Having Michigan winters I wanted to make sure my son stayed nice and warm, so I would put pj's on him then zip him up in the sleeper, we never had any troubles with him getting cold at night. I have found them at Kohl's and the Carter's outlet, if you have any around you. I hope this helps!
Best of luck on the baby!!
Also read the book Happiest Baby On The Block. It seriously saved us with both of our kids. I think it should be required reading for all parents of newborns.
You will develop a Mommy instinct pretty quickly. Just remember that YOU know your child better than anyone. Trusting your mommy gut is just recognizing when advice (even medical advice sometimes) is just not right for your child. When the mommy gut is screaming "NO!" pay attention to it. My mommy gut is very reliable and I do not regret following it. I have regretted ignoring it several times.
Scheduling and order is very important to you, you were probably just born that way. Your little girl may be born very much like you and getting her on a schedule will be a breeze. Or she may be just the opposit. Don't let the people who brag "My baby slept through the night at 5 days!" intimidate you. They haven't cornered the market on how to teach babies to sleep, their child was just born a good sleeper.
People will tell you how much your life will change. You won't get to sleep, you'll be lucky to get a shower, terrible twos etc. But what they don't tell you about is the love. I remember the moment I fell in love with my oldest child. He went from being an abstract alien being in my belly to being the most precious child the planet has ever seen. The love is what makes it all worth it. Words don't really describe it, but you will know it when it happens. And it's okay if you don't fall head over heels in love with her right away too. It's like any other relationship, some are instant bonds and others develop over time.
I'm not one to tell people how to raise their children, but you should be aware that the American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend using the Babywise program. Here is more information: http://ezzo.info/index-of-articles/81-timeline/107-babywise-advice-linked-to-dehydration-failure-to-thrive
I read Baby Wise and it did help me with some things, and other things I had to take with a grain of salt. I do like the cycle of eat, play, sleep, repeat . . . however, I had a really hard time following the time table they suggested. I had to cut myself some slack, since my baby was not following in the time tables they suggested, and go with the flow. Hope this helps.
A book I really loved was "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Karp (I think.) Anyway, this helped me a lot, a lot, a lot!!!
Enjoy this time . . . it goes so quickly. My boy is 9 and my girl is 3 1/2!! Where did my babies go???
Andrea Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 11:38 am
Thanks Juliet — we actually just read The Happiest Baby on the Block this weekend — it was very helpful!
And I totally agree that you've got to use common sense and do what is best for your baby {and what actually works}. I'm hoping that by reading a few different books and getting lots of different opinions, I'll be able to apply that knowledge along with my "motherly instincts" to do what is best for us and the baby!
My biggest mistake was comparing my son to what the books said he "should" be doing. It took me until he was 1 to realize that each child will develop at their own pace.
Our biggest achievement was his sleep schedule. Granted this probably wasn't set until he was 3 months or so, but we had our nightly routine and would put him down before he was asleep. He has never cried when we put him down (even today at 2) and sleeps very well. And we never ever brought him in the bed with us because we've heard horror stories about that becoming the standard and the child ends up sleeping in the parents bed every night.
Oh and he was probably 6 months or so before we had anything in the crib with him. It started out with his blankie and at 2 now includes Mickey, Goofy, etc, etc.
Good luck with everything!
There is no right way to do ANYTHING (other than, say, dispensing medication). That is a hard lesson to learn when you are a planner/researcher, used to turning to experts for guidance. Trust your instincts, your faith, or just that – short of the obvious areas – nothing you choose to try will cause permanent damage or harm.
For example, our son slept frequently in his baby carrier (the thing that snaps into a car seat base) beside our bed for the first three months. He also slept 7 hours at a stretch. Was that a bad thing? Not for us, but I'm sure we'd find plenty of 'evidence' it was a horrible idea.
If you try breast feeding, EVERYONE has an opinion, almost every lactaction consultant I (and friends) worked with had DIFFERENT ones, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if it doesn't come naturally or instinctively. Keep trying, and try different things. Every mother I know had to work at it. Good luck if you choose it. If not, as a good friend said, "They won't be wearing signs at highschool graduation that say 'forumla' and 'breast milk'" – don't feel guilty about your choices, either.
You're in the home stretch now, it's scary but a wonderful, wonderful ride.
Andrea Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 11:41 am
Thanks for the encouragement Amanda — I think you are exactly right.
And I had to laugh about your breast feeding comment 🙂
As of right now, I'm definitely planning to try breast feeding, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it if things don't work out. I can't tell you how many people just come out and ask "are you planning to breastfeed?" Like it's any of their business. Plus I know that no matter how I answer, they will have an opinion and 2 cents to add! I'll just remember your high school graduation comment the next time someone tells me what THEY think!
Amanda Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 2:28 pm
Oh, and on the subject of breast feeding – it is often touted as being cheaper than formula. If you do this as nature intended, it can be. If you buy a top of the line pump, freezing & storing equipment, nursing bras, breast pads, lanolin, nursing pillow, etc. etc. etc. you can rack up quite a bill, particularly if you are an hourly worker and have to clock out to pump. I did it myself, for 11 months, working full time and I'm glad I did, but it wasn't necessarily a financial win.
Great (& funny!) reading on the subject of working motherhood and breastfeeding in specific is Milk Memos (http://www.amazon.com/Milk-Memos-Learned-Business-Babies-/dp/B0016BX7AC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1317752710&sr=1-1). Great chapter on chosing breast pumps, and really short, funny chapters that are great when you are sleep deprived after the baby comes 😉
And you can file this with all the other unsolicited advice you are probably already receiving!
Kari Reply:
October 4th, 2011 at 8:36 pm
I'm going to throw two cents in. I started out breastfeeding, but knew I would eventually be going back to work, so I was also pumping and building a stock pile. The lactation consultant (who was wonderful!) and things I had read, told me not to give my baby a bottle for several weeks to make sure we had nursing well established. While some babies might get nipple confusion, I don't think this would have been the case for my girl. At 6 weeks I attempted to give her a bottle. It was a battle for about 6 weeks until she would finally take one. We tried everything. Next time around, we are going to do a few bottles early on. Maybe just one every few days. Just wanted to throw that out there, because I only had one side of the story when I went into all this!
Good luck! Motherhood is the best job ever!
Abby Reply:
October 10th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Just wanted to quick reply with to the whole b-feeding thing. I tried……I thought I was going to be this rockstar…earth friendly….mom, but it didn't work. I was ok with it, but I had friends who didn't outwardly say to me that I should have kept trying…but I knew they were thinking that. Bottles were SOO much easier for me and I knew that the baby was full and I knew how much he was getting and I could control that.
If it works out for you, awesome! If it doesn't, don't let people get to you. I feel like breast feeding is so big these days and if you don't do it something is wrong with you. It's ok, your baby will be nourished and healthy, as mine was, and it'll be ok. 🙂
Good luck!
P.S. I was at the MOMs group that you spoke at last week and I am now OBSESSED with your site! You are so fun and creative! Love it!
Hey Andrea,
1. Baby wise is the best – read it! It's a very simple (for me anyway) system of eat, play, sleep. I didn't really keep track of much else. I just made sure he didn't sleep right after eating. My son slept through the night at ten weeks – but if he hadn't then we refer to point 2 (below.)
2. Keep your eyes on God and the rest of that list is sort of moot. God works out your schedule. God works out our children to help form us (and them!) into being more like him. So every moment you miss or nap they miss is God speaking, and something to be joyful over and not worried about! He is so kind to put these second by second reminders in our lives. Having kids is a reminder of God's omnipresence in our lives.
3. I love your blog. Just saying.
Heather @ Work At Home Market10/04/2011
"I'm a little worried about this because I was never big into baby sitting, and I really don't like being around other people's children {Yes, I know that sounds awful, but it's true}"
^No it doesn't sound awful. I am the same way. But, I love kids! I was 15 years older than my youngest brother and adored helping take care of him. But, when it comes to kids at church or at other people's house…they scare me. Or maybe it's just the parents that scare me. I'm not sure.
I think I need to print this list off and keep it for when our turn comes. I'll probably need the reminders. 😉
Amanda Reply:
November 21st, 2011 at 9:34 pm
Do not worry – either of you.
You will be shocked at how quickly the "mother's instinct" kicks in. When you look into your baby's face, you will know what is right and wrong.
I adopted a baby and it kicked in for me. God has a divine plan for mothers. He has built our hearts so that they guide us in the right direction.
The phrase "I'm the mommy, that's why" has real meaning.
Trust your heart…your baby will love you even when you make mistakes.