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Fifty Shades of Grey
Fifty Shades of Gay is smut written by a bored British housewife named E. L. James. It was originally a Twilight fanfiction called, Master of the Universe but was removed from fanfiction.net, because she wanted to make money off of her poorly written erotica. E. L. James decided to share her sexual fantasies to the mainstream public by changing the names of the characters and publishing her piece of shit work. And so began the media sensation, "Fifty Shades of Grey" as every housewife within a mile radius of a store rushed to get it and a vibrator and get down to business, and is now the fastest selling paperback of all time, outstripping all 7 Harry Potter books in sales.
It stars a virgin named Anastasia Steele who meets a millionaire named Christian Grey, and in typical porn fashion, they fuck and she can't get enough of his dick. Ana loves getting tied up and being his submissive bitch, getting wet every time he smacks her around and rapes her.
Despite the boring plot, the one-dimensional characters, and the poorly written sex scenes, Fifty Shades of BDSM was proven to be an international success. Its target demographic: forty year-old housewives whose husbands are busy fucking the young secretary that will actually suck and swallow and have a pussy that doesn't compare to the San Andreas fault line. This book provides fappable material for these sex depraved housewives who secretly fantasize about being slave whores to shirtless, well-built, male gardeners while their husbands are away fucking their cousins. It was bestseller of the year and is now forced into libraries and public education as a form of study and as a guide for women to read while bored in the kitchen.
- 1 Characters
- 2 Plot
- 3 Erika L. James
- 4 Plagiarism
- 5 Fastest selling paperback of all time
- 6 Counterspell: Anita
- 7 Women: Busted
- 8 What women want
- 9 Film
- 10 Contractual immunity to criticism
- 11 Influence
- 12 The vocabulary of Erika Mitchell
- 13 Gallery
- 14 Videos
- 15 See Also
Anastasia Steele: A boring, whiny, fresh-out-of-college virgin who, for some reason, every guy wants to stick his dick in. Despite never having masturbated in her life, she's able to lose her virginity with hardly any pain, and even gave a perfect blowjob on her first try. She constantly gnaws on her lower lip, which gives Grey a raging hard-on and established as a trigger to start fucking her raw, and loves getting her ass kicked by him, having orgasms every time he practices his pimp slap on her. She soon falls in love with Grey for his "intelligence" and "charms".
Christian Grey: A 27-year-old CEO of some generic company that surrounds himself with blonde women as a part of his fascist sexual tendencies and his need to assure the public that he doesn't take it up the ass on a regular basis, save for when he was raped by his adoptive mother's best friend at fifteen, teaching him how to find pleasure in domestic violence and rape.
José Rodriguez: One of the guys who wants to bang Anastasia Sue. One night he gets drunk and nearly rapes her, but Grey stepped in to save her, telling him that she was his to rape.
Katherine "Kate" Kavanagh: Anastasia's roommate who is extremely open about her sexual encounters, constantly regaling Ana with stories of how many penises she was able to fit in all her orifices at once.
The plot, if you want to call it that, is your basic, "Aloof, naïve girl meets rich, handsome man with mommy issues. They have a lot of sex and live happily ever after in their mansion" story, save for the kinky fuckery and borderline-retarded dialogue.
—E. L. James knows how to subtly tell you what the book is going to be about, more subtle than Matrix with Jesus
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Erika L. James
<video type="youtube" id="Fpm_1iERyoU" width="200" height="180" position="right" desc="E. L. James claiming that she did research"/> Naturally, this shit could've only been written by a 48-year-old mother of two who should definitely stick to her day job. Erika Leonard James said that she did a lot of research on BDSM by watching enough porn that would make Quagmire admire her. Many doubt that she did much research at all considering that the sex scenes were extremely generic and uninteresting to people with healthy sex lives. Isn't funny and doesn't help that she's a fatass doppleganger of the Twilight writer.
In the days of Shakespeare, talent and literacy were needed to make a famous novel, but thanks to Erika and Stephanie Meyer and all the stupid fucks who buy into their bullshit, the only thing needed is a set of ovaries and the minimum of an
sixth fourth grade education. Her most used tools for writing the books was finding new synonyms on Microsoft Word to make up for her lack of sophisticated vocabulary and trying to make her characters sound upper class, that is, before degrading them back to cumwhores when she gets lazy and wants to get horny. By using repetitive words, pretentious word usage, and terrible story structure/storyline, she became an overnight millionaire. Much like her idol, she decided to milk the book for all its worth and create two sequels to it, Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed.
Her books are primarily composed of events that would never happen in real life. If any of the books happened in real life, Ana would be in a domestic abuse victim unit and Christian Grey would be behind bars for abusing dem virgins, unless of course it was staged somewhere else. It's a wonder how her husband can stand being around her. Perhaps he's into it as well.
Fifty Shades of Slavery is a poorly-written, shameless ripoff of the most beautiful tender love story of all time, Secretary (2002), starring James Spader as a fucking asshole named E. Edward Grey (COINCIDENCE??? You decide!) and Maggie Gyllenhaal as his submissive secretary bitch who just can't get enough of that rough, which he sadistically withholds from her while training her, that bastard. The film Secretary is itself based on a short story by rape victim, former stripper and former prostitute Mary Gaitskill, who considers Lolita one of her ten favorite books of all time, and "enjoyed beating off" to the Marquis de Sade as a loli. Srsly. Mary Gaitskill is, in other words, every female unmasked, the unchecked female sexual id which Islam seeks to contain, and men in India/South Africa/the US military seek to fulfill.
—Ms. Steele meets Mr. Grey. Lazy foreshadowing, or just more plagiarism of Secretary?
Although, some experts cite the earlier Nine 1/2 Weeks (1986) as an influence, where a pre-potato Mickey Rourke turns an ingénue Kim Basinger into a sex slave for over
9000 9 weeks, based on an autobiographical book published in 1978 by a woman from Austria and a man from Wall Street, both the land of sick fucks. Other experts cite the even earlier novel The Fountainhead where the heroine Dominique Francon welcomes being raped by the supremely selfish Prime Mover Howard Roark, a man who later Erects a giant Skyraper, the symbol of mega industrialists, only to 9/11 it because I made you so I can break you.
In any case, a rich clean-shaven white guy douche in a suit (the uniform of Wall Street psychopaths and religious zealots) is gonna pretty much rape someone the whole time, and women eat this shit up. More importantly, women write this shit themselves. If you thought Twilight was bad before, you have no idea, since it inspired leagues of stupid turbo-cunts to convince themselves they could write anything longer than tweets or tumblrspeak. Fifty Shades of Fuck was written by a Twihard mother with two sons having a mid-life crisis, using the name Snowqueen's Icedragon (Powerword: Erika Mitchell), and she put "all her fantasies in there" that her cuck husband Niall Leonard could never fulfill (not that he'd ever want to after she shat out two babbies). Fantasies like flying airplanes and being violently tortured and raped by a billionaire. You know, typical female fantasies minus the gangbangs. With the fastest selling paperback of all time, the female species have irreversibly revealed their hands gentlemen. And they want those hands in restraints. Preferably in a penthouse suite. But beggars can't be choosers ladies. But look, just because a female is carrying a copy of the book does not mean she enjoys rape or anything.
Protip: The empty suit of Anonymous is not a turn-on for wimmins, unless it's a dyke who's bridal shopping, or a teen dyke shopping for prom.
Fastest selling paperback of all time
Selling at least 100 million copies, Fifty Shades of Ass is the fastest selling paperback of all time and a worldwide phenomenon, since trashy Harlequin romance novels and books where women get abused are the only kind of book
most women any woman is interested in reading, and it's written at a 6th 4th grade level just like most shipping. Christian Grey is a regular Prince Harming, a supreme edgemeister, and a total cishet shitlord (the author obviously didn't get the memo). And as a former TV executive, E. L. James is quite experienced with binding agreements. The sexual tension of the book and what gets wimmins adrenaline and blood pumping to their micropenises is an omnipresent mood of almost rape from a calculating charismatic psychopath up until fucky sucky, which is also why Hannibal gets all the ladies. If she doesn't feel in mortal danger of dying at any moment, she's just totally cold and numb down there. Violence works. Ask any terrorist.
—What did I tell you? Numb.
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In one fell swoop, Britbong cunt hero E. L. James redpilled every person in Western civilization, disproving decades of feminism, and dispelling the myth that women want to be treated as equals, or are attracted to men that treat them as equals. No, the fastest selling paperback of all time written by one of Time magazine's "100 Most Influential People in the World" only confirms what every forever alone male virgin has long suspected: all women are golddiggers, chicks like assholes, and the people in their life that told them to treat wimmins with respect were fucking lying and have horribly misled them since the 1960s, all for the lulz. Thanks a lot, hippies and school teachers with vaginas.
Sick and tired and bored and deeply unsatisfied and unhappy with the status quo created by feminism, E. L. James blessed the world with a book that gives lost modern men a role model, a masculine ideal of who to be, and who women want men to be, in the billionaire sadist and abuser of women, Christian Grey. Not since H. H. "The Monster of 63rd Street" Holmes and his Murder Castle from Chicago's 1893 World's Columbian Exposition have so many women signed on the dotted line only to be treated like shit. So man up and buy rope.
Counterspell: Anita
The very existence of the book, and it's staggering popularity, is a thorny troublesome unavoidable fact for all females, like sand in a vagina. Even if they claim to have never even read the book 10 times with a bottle of wine and a bubblebath and/or Sybian. How to explain it away? But when have facts ever gotten in the way of wimmins' behavior? "I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about" is her go-to response. Fifty Shades of Cock (and quotes from the book) is the only known spell that can silence Anita Sarkeesian and stop her in her tracks. In the book, women are either victims of violence or sexual reward, which are her chief criticisms of videogames. But the book isn't misogynist okay? Because a woman wrote it, and it's about her feelings. Jeez. The book has sold over twice as many copies as Grand Theft Auto V, proving once and for all that men enjoy having the choice of abusing simulated whores, but twice as many women enjoy having no choice but to read helplessly as women get the shit beat out of them and beg for more.
—The book mocks gamers and challenges them to take it to the next level. And no, Mr. Grey is not a PC gaymer.
Women: Busted
—fastest selling paperback of all time or /r/theredpill?
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Stop and imagine Christian Grey treating Anastasia Steele as an equal. Would females the world over trip over their clits to buy that shit? No! But feminists would be outraged, OUTRAGED that Anastasia wasn't being fucked like a dirty little girl, which all wimmins believe they're entitled to, no matter how they look. Maybe some in the BDSM "community" would say consent is what makes BDSM so hawtt (rather than the extreme power imbalance, taboo breaking, and violence), and that there's absolutely nothing wrong with the domination and subjugation of wimmins if that's what she asked for, like a battered woman who stays with her strong powerful man who beats the shit out of her.
Faced with the prospect of wimmins deeply wanting lords and masters, other SJWs must rationalize it away as just another matter of A Woman's Choice, as if being humiliated and becoming the embodiment of weakness is empowering, as long as you've signed up for it. In the words of every Drill Sergeant ever: "Hey ladies, this is what you signed up for." No, the only power the sub has is the Power of Attraction over the dom, the power to work the dom into a frenzy. Which is the power that all wimmins dream of having over others, the power to induce uncontrollable lust. But wimmins can never admit to their rape fantasies and wanting to be dominated because it makes them look like weak sluts, which they are. The clamoring for equality is all a scheme to weed out the weak boys from the strong men who rightfully don't give a fuck what women say and won't put up with their shit. You really gotta feel sorry for these poor creatures, always wanting to be man-handled but misguided guys treating them like human beings with respect and shit, rather than slave whores. It's a fucking
tragedy joke, it's all a joke...
Little known fact: A majority of district attorneys have suggested bringing back stocks for public humiliation of female convicts, but it was determined they would enjoy it too much, so instead they've been suggested as a way to incentivize good behavior for women in prison.
What women want
The Mary Sue Anastasia Steele represents the evolved female libido in a nutshell: a naive little virgin being violently taken in every sense of the word by brutal foreign raiders armed with clubs and ropes (or whips and chains) who cannot control their lust because she's so fucking hot, of which modern wimmins are the fucked up descendants. Whereas the fat ugly ones are left to be eaten by wolves and watch animu and go buy this book and a zucchini (because much like moot, they wish to be the little girl, instead of the big girl they've always been because their stupid parents let them eat too many carbs and sit around). After the release of the book, emergency rooms noted a marked increase in bruised hambeasts due to the improper mounting of sex swings and the inadequate structural integrity of coded buildings and failure to read the words MAXIMUM WEIGHT in their instructions. But sales of transport slings and cranes for landwhales have a bright future.
Fun fact: Many physicists claim the Twin Towers fell symmetrically at free fall speed due to the improper mounting of corporate sex swings at Cantor Fitzgerald.
—this dumb bitch has never had an orgasm until being fucked by a billionaire
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Are you too lazy to read this crap? If you have read it, have you always wanted to SEE all of these abusive actions happen on the big screen for all the wimmins to enjoy? If so, good news! They're making a movie out of it. Yes, there has been a lot of talk about the making of a Fifty Shades of Grey movie. According to the Los Angeles Times, the novel's film rights have been sold to "Jewniversal" Pictures, so one is to assume that Fifty Shades of WTF will follow in its predecessor's footsteps and shit out a few poorly acted movies.
—Emma Watson (potential actress for Ana) telling people she'll go nude on camera
about 100 yearsa long wait, the movie is finally here! Premiering worldwide on Friday The 13th, 2015 it's Jaws 19! Er, sorry, no, not Jaws 19, it's Fifty Shades of Misogyny, at least according to SJWs and feminists who have been screeching across the Interwebs for weeks about what a horrible and disgusting film it is (keeping in mind they haven't even seen it yet) and pointing their little grubbies in accusation at the actors, the film maker, the book, the writer, society and pretty much every god damn thing not nailed to the ground. On the flip side you can find endless reams of neglected housewives all a twitter like 16 year old Justin Bieber fan girls who simply can't wait for the live action version of their penultimate Mary Sue, self-insert, snatch-scratching, shlick-fiction; with it's totally unrealistic, overly idealized fantasies involving an incredibly boring, mundane, non-descript, every-woman that manages to somehow catch the eye of an edgy, young, beautiful, billionaire playboy who uses them as his personal sex toy.
The film is porn. And like most porn it features women being abused. Specifically, it is a sexual assault training film distributed by Comcast. But the sex is simulated. And they try to class it up with Audi product placement. And for maximum lulz it carries no trigger warnings. And it takes itself too seriously. And it's a massive embarrassment and disgrace to everyone involved, which is why casting Christian Grey took so fucking long. Anastasia Steele is played by Dakota Johnson, daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith, famous for playing whores onscreen. Like mother like daughter. Christian Grey is played by a potato who has all the wealth of a billionaire but looks like his valet (aka every female's Mr. Right).
The film is one more step in the mainstreaming of porn and the pornification of all media, except most pornos don't have a budget of $40 million. In the past, there were distinctions between actresses and pornstars, but no more. The Fappening changed everything. In the past, trailers for actual pornos weren't played on morning talk shows and during the Superbowl, but no more, ever since half-kike Chelsea Handler made cunts drinking wine before 9 AM on TV au courant. However, the film is not rated NC-17 because the filmmakers are pussies and they wouldn't want to embarrass any of the ticket-buying sluts who read the book. The film is rated R so Universal Pictures✡ can make more money off of it, and so viewers can feel better about themselves for not buying advance tickets to see a XXX-rated Ana Boinks a Boundary-Breaking Blindfolding Binding Billionaire Cad Called Christian.
Fun fact: The film was banned in Malaysia for not featuring enough caning.
Release date
You think the film "adaptation" is being released on Valentine's Day for men? Hell no. Valentine's Day is THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY of the year for wimmins. Analysts predict the film will break February records and that audiences will be composed of at least 75% vaginas but definitely 100% cunts. However, if the film had been released on video-on-demand, the Jews would have made even more money, but they didn't want to scare off housewives from buying tickets. This live Cosmo magazine will supposedly give hoors tips on how to catch the man of their dreams or tips on how to spice up the bedroom later that night, when in reality she will be getting wet at all the other unknown men in the theater who thought taking a first date or girlfriend to this shit on Valentine's Day was a good idea, so audiences are advised to bring their own tarps. Fuck it, forget the tarps. The film's release date was decided upon months in advance due to every theater chain's mutual decision to reupholster in March. Damn it's good to be in the upholstery business.
—fastest selling paperback of all time
Advice for moviegoers
No married man will go see this film with his wife, unless she wants a new baby that night. Hospitals have been advised to stock up on episiotomy scissors for November. This will be a national "girl's night out", so any single men that do pay money to see this dreck are advised to cosplay in a well-tailored gray suit. But only if you're already in a relationship, men, because that's the only men women want, another woman's man. So wear a fake wedding ring if you go alone. Males in Japan are advised to buy (more) used panties from vending machines and stuff them in their pants pocket before going to see the movie alone, because nothing turns
single women on more than the smell of another cunt on a man (as long as he doesn't try to weasely lie about it like some pussy ass bitch). A man could also steal some used panties, otherwise known as "pull a James Ellroy." Or buy some from online sexblogging pantyselling disease-riddled whores. Wearing the panties on your head to the theater is ill-advised, but if you do be sure to film it for the lulz.
Nothing beats a classy well-groomed man in a suit buying a brand new pair of Victoria's Secret panties while alone in the mall, then going to see Fifty Shades of Whore and putting the panties on his head before he finds his seat in the movie theater. "What kind of movie do you think this is?" all the offended sluts will say. "A romance for the ages, I'm told." Don't be surprised if the film begins with a lame message to "Please be courteous to other audience members. Be sure to set your phones to vibrate, ladies. But we don't need to tell you that, do we? Do we?" Don't be surprised if every slut in the audience puts her phone on vibrate for the whole movie and constantly texts herself with another phone. "What did he just say? I can't hear over the constant buzzing."
PROTIP: For more lulz, while in your suit do your best dick impression and ask females in the theater what their safeword is.
—be sure to quote this to every female in the theater
WARNING: If you're overweight this will backfire and turn you into a Lol-cow. But that's nothing new for you, fatso.
Ew, gross
The film grossed over 9000 dollars worldwide in Anastasia's "opening" weekend, ensuring that consumers will be pounded into submission with lame bondage puns made by the media for at least 100 years from now. It was the widest opening of a
R rated film cunt ever. Even bigger than your mom's. Allegedly-professional news organizations reported it "dominated" the box office huehue, and audiences "submit" to it kekek, "busting" records and hymens, "beating" off all the competition, "sexually assaulting" newcomers, "domestically abusing" ticketbuyers, and "violently torturing, raping, murdering, dismembering, and disposing" of audiences' disposable female income. Semen. The film was also hugely successful internationally because men in those rapey pervert countries know how to treat women. In a total fucking sign of the apocalypse, this regurgitated Twihard fanfic grossed more in its opening weekend than the first Twilight film based on Stephenie Meyer's demon spawn. What does that Mormon BYU graduate bitch married to a guy named Christian have to say for herself? What did you do?
Well, we know that the public said and did: In a comparison, 50 Shades of Abuse did even worse than Twihard, with most sane people more likely to go on Ogrish and our offended pages than subject themselves to this eye-bleach.
IMDb: Twilight: 5.2/10 | 50 Shades: 4.1/10
Rotten Tomatoes: Twilight: 48% | 50 Shades: 25%
Twilight: $191,449,475 (USA) | 50 Shades: currently $106,902,510 (USA) as of Feb. 19
Its profitous nature for the Jews however, will ensure there will be at least 3 more "films" of this shit, one for the second "book", and surely with the final book split right down the middle like a lumberjack, hahaha. However, the third book is a turnoff for wimmins since Christian admits the error of his ways, saying he only wanted to rape because he was raped too. Whether the pornstars in this filth will reprise their "roles" is unknown, since Jamie Dornan fled the country in embarrassment and to avoid the swarming mobs of aged vaginas trying to swallow him whole. Yes, the man who played edgelord sadist Christian Grey is terrified of you ladies. Keep your panties on. Pope Francis advised people to watch the XXX porn parodies instead, which will have better dialogue if you can believe it.
The film ranks first in torture porn films released in February, edging out The Passion of the Christ, which also originated on fanfiction.net. Apparently less people want to see Jesus flogged than some stupid plain Jane virgin cunt who never even touched "down there" until her 20s. Much like The Passion of the Christ, ticket pre-sales for the film were huge in the illiterate American South, since talking pictures were their first exposure to this bloody violence, and they always wanted to know what happened in that book that everybody seems to be such a fan of and carries around religiously.
Analist predictions were off slightly, as men made up 32% of the audience instead of the forecast 25%. Still, twice as many women enjoy women getting beaten then men do. And their mission, should male audiences choose to accept it, is now clear. Viewers who finally found out what all the "hype" was about gave the film a C+, which will probably mean figures will drop off precipitously in the coming week, falling harder than a rape victim's body thrown off a cliff. With the second biggest dropoff ever for torture porn after the Friday the 13th remake, the film was still #1 in its 2nd week, beating some non-porn with Bella Thorne which neckbeards will just download anyway, but clearly signaling that women want abuse. Message received, ladies. One analyst reported he would be dropping copies of the film on the Arabian Peninsula in an attempt to use feminism and female sexual revolution to destroy Arab society much like it destroyed Western civilization.
The film is now Jewniversal Studios' highest grossing R-rated film. Get ready for a reboot after the fourth film!
After women in Amerifat elected a rapey billionaire, they were hungry for even more rapey billionaires sexually abusing women. One month after God Emperor Trump's inauguration where he manhandled at the Freedom Ball the first First Lady in decades that American males can jack off too, and just in time for Valentine's Day 2017, the film sequel Fifty Shades of Darkness was released. It stars the same leads as the previous film, a potato and some whore that's too ugly and too old for a billionaire. The film is considerably darker than its fanfic prequel, although the two leads are still white.
Fifty Shades Darker begins when Anastasia finds a handkerchief with a pizza-related map on it at her place. She asks Christian if it belongs to him and he confirms that it does, but not to worry about it. Suspicious, Anastasia hacks into Christian's Gmail account, and finds an email that mentions $65,000 worth of hot dogs, something called "wet works" which she assumes means golden showers, and something about tying people to walls with a rope across their chest and under their armpits. After seeing a police sketch on the news of a suspect who resembles Christian, Anastasia worries that Christian may be a Russian spy, and she gives the emails to SchlickyLeaks. Oh, and there's Venetian Masks in the movie. Anastasia takes a flight on Christian's private jet, the Red Room Of Pain Express, and visits Christian's Temple of Spirit Cooking on BDSM Island near Haiti. There she plays naked ping pong with Christian and he shows her his collection of Serbian artwork, gold decapitated statues, and a cow sculpture that mysteriously moves location around the island and sometimes groans and coughs. After Anastasia discovers a strange wifi network on the island named THIS-IS-WHERE-MY-KILLROOM-IS-LOCATED, she goes on a search and just happens to run into former president Bill Blinton and Rachel Randler. Later on, Anastasia learns that Christian is a member of the Blinton Global Initiative, and that Christian contributed millions of dollars to the presidential campaign of his wife Jillary Blinton. She also learns that as a young boy, Christian was a student of Bony Molesta in Osaka, Japan, whose brother Lon Molesta was the chief of staff of Bill Blinton. Majestic Rape also has a cameo in the movie at a seedy pizza place named Vomit Ding Dong located in the basement of another seedy pizza place which Anastasia sees in an anti-human trafficking ad released by the Department of Homeland Security. The film ends with Christian Grey telling Anastasia, "Fake news is killing your mind, Anastasia. It's just a coincidence." Oh, and then Christian grabs her by the pussy, and breaks the fourth wall, turns to the camera and says "When you're rich they let you do it." Then some shitty Nicki Minaj song plays, and half of it is whip sound effects. There's also some Taylor Swift song with One Direction.
Reviews of the film were striking. Some critics found the film gripping, while others gagged. Much like the previous film, Pope Francis called the film "child's play."
Fifty Shades of Darkness made over 9000 dollars in its opening weekend, but came in second to plastic crap capeshit. And sadist cellphone companies now think overage fees are the kind of pain and punishment that users want.
Fifty Shades Freed
Finally, a movie for women who voted for Roy Moore. Fifty Shades Freed, also known as FSF (more liek FFS amirite?), is the final chapter of the "movies" adapted from the slut trashterpiece trilogy of "books" written by hideous Twilight fan and thirsty babushka slag "E. L. James." Pop Quiz: Do women like being objectified or not? Set loose into theaters shortly before Valentine's Day 2018, FSF is for those diseased Tinder-using women who just can't get enough of rapey rich shitbags like Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, Steve Wynn, Harvey Weinstein, and "Christian Grey." Mmmm, dat Dark Triad, amirite ladies? Protip: Baywatch star and musicalfag Zac Efron will be playing Ted Bundy in the film "Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile", which incidentally is also the title of the Trump presidency, so put that in your calendars and/or period-tracking apps, ladies.
For some context, Fifty Shades Freed was released obliviously months after the #MeToo movement swept Amerifat, and after the "Silence Breakers" were featured on the cover of TIME magazine, and over a year into the Trump Shitshow "Presidency", during a time in Amerifat that some argue is known as "The Reckoning", which has witnessed the takedowns of sleazeballs such as: Fox News host Bill O'Reilly, Hollywood producer and casting couch owner Harvey Weinstein, masturbater/comedian Louis C.K., actor and handjobber Asian faggot George Takei, actor and rapist Ed Westwick, actor Ben Affleck, actor Casey Affleck, actor Danny Masterson, actor Dustin Hoffman, actor James Franco, actor Jeffrey Tambor, actor Jeremy Piven, three-time STD-infested actor Jim Carrey, actor Johnny Depp, actor Richard Dreyfuss, actor Robert Knepper, actor Steven Seagal, actor Sylvester Stallone, actor T.J. Miller, actor Tom Sizemore, AlterNet editor Don Hazen, Amazon Studios guy Roy Price, animator Chris Savino, Artforum publisher Knight Landesman, author and MSNBC guy and frotter Mark Halperin, bisexual faggot actor Andy Dick, blogger Robert Scoble, Boston University professor David Marchant, Brand New vocalist Jesse Lacey, Buzzfeed's Adrian Carrasquillo, casino mogul and RNC contributor Steve Wynn, casting couch guy for CSI Andy Henry, chef and groper Mario Batali, Danish producer Peter Aalbaek Jensen, Dartmouth professor and student groper Todd Heatherton, Dartmouth professor Paul Whalen, Dartmouth professor William Kelley, DC Comics editor Eddie Berganza, Democrat Representative from Virginia Bobby Scott, Democrat Representative of Michigan John Conyers, Democrat Representative of Nevada Ruben Kihuen, Democrat Senator from Minnesota Al Franken, Democrat state representative from Georgia Calvin Smyre, Democrat state representative in Texas Borris Miles, Democrat state representative in Texas Carlos Uresti, director James Toback, director Lars von Trier, director Morgan Spurlock, director Oliver Stone, director/child rapist Roman Polanski, Disney child sexual abuser Jon Heely, E News guy Ken Baker, faggot agent Adam Venit, faggot agent Tyler Grasham, female former Democrat candidate in Kansas Andrea Ramsey, female singer and rapist Melanie Martinez, former chief of staff to some Michigan Representative Dwayne Duron Marshall, former Democrat US representative from Tennessee Harold Ford Jr., former judge and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore, former Trump campaign manager and grab-asser Corey Lewandowski, former US Republican representative of Arizona Trent Franks who wanted a surrogate the old-fashioned way and was willing to pay $5 million, Fox Business host and rapist Charles Payne, Fox News host and dick-pic-sender Eric Bolling, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly, Fox News host who-doesn't-invite-guests-back-if-they-don't-come-to-his-hotel Sean Hannity, Girls writer Murray Miller, Hollywood director Brett Ratner, Hollywood producer Bob Weinstein, Hollywood homosexual pedophile Gary Goddard, Hollywood homosexual pedophile Kevin Spacey, host Charlie Rose, host Tavis Smiley, IGN editor Steve Butts, IGN editor Vince Ingenito, investor Dave McClure, Mad Men showrunner Matthew Weiner, magician/rapist David Blaine, Metropolitan Opera conductor James Levine, Mother Jones guy David Corn, musician Ethan Kath, NBC News exec Matt Zimmerman, New Republic editor Leon Wieseltier, New Republic publisher Hamilton Fish, New York City ballet guy Peter Martins, New York Times editor and NPR guy Michael Oreskes, New York Times reporter Glenn Thrush, New Yorker reporter Ryan Lizza, NFL Network producer Eric Weinberger, NFL player and shower masturbater Ike Taylor, NFL player Donovan McNabb, NFL player Heath Evans, NFL player Marshall Faulk, One Tree Hill guy Mark Schwahn, OrbidMed cofounder Sam Isaly, Paris Review editor Lorin Stein, Pedowood director Bryan Singer, Pixar CEO John Lasseter, playwright Israel Horovitz, podcaster Dustin Marshall, pornstar Ron Jeremy, Prairie Home Companion host Garrison Keillor, programmer Max Ogden, publisher H. Brandt Ayers,
rap rape exec Russell Simmons, rapper and sex dungeon owner R. Kelly, rapper Nelly, real estate guy Andre Balazs, Republican Ohio state representative and faggot Wesley Goodman, Republican Representative of Texas Blake Farenthold who used $84G of taxpayer money to settle, Republican secretary of state of Wyoming Ed Murray, Republican state representative of Kentucky Dan Johnson who an hero'd, Republican state senator from Oregon Jeff Kruse, restaurant guy John Besh, restaurant guy Ken Friedman, retired judge Alex Kozinski, Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner, SEIU guy Caleb Jennings, SEIU guy Scott Courtney, Soros Fund manager and rapist Howie Rubin, Supergirl showrunner Andrew Kreisberg, theater director Albert Schultz, Today show anchor Matt Lauer, Trump campaign chairman in Campbell County Kentucky and child sex trafficker Timothy Nolan, Uber founder Travis Kalanick, University of Rochester professor T. Florian Jaeger, US Olympic gymnast "doctor" pedo Larry Nassar, US President #41 and serial ass-grabber George H.W. Bush, US President #45 and rapist and adulterer Donald J. Trump, Us Weekly editor Dylan Howard, USC professor Erick Guerrero, venture capitalist and face-toucher Chris Sacca, venture capitalist Justin Caldbeck, venture capitalist Shervin Pishevar, Vice guy Kaj Larsen, Vice Media guy Mike Germano, Vice Media president Andrew Creighton, Vice Media producer Rhys James, Vice News head Jason Mojica, Vice writer and rapist Michael Hafford, Vox Media guy Lockhart Steele, WBUR radio host Tom Ashbrook, WNYC radio host John Hockenberry, WNYC radio host Jonathan Schwartz, and WNYC radio host Leonard Lopate.
But dat Christian Grey doe. Hey, did anyone notice restaurant faggot James Alefantis on that list? No? He's the victim? Did anyone notice Majestic Ape on that list? Is there a reason that John Podesta and Obama neighbor Tony Podesta are absent from that list? Did anyone notice child molester Woody Allen on that list? No? Was it the blood of Dylan Farrow on his door that made the Lord passover Woody Allen? Is actor Aziz Ansari on that list, or does he get the Brown-Skin-Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card, like all the rapefugees in Sweden and the UK and Europe? Naturally, Oscar-winning Austrian director Michael Haneke, famous for saying every film "rapes the viewer", said #MeToo is "men-hating puritanism" and a "witch hunt" that "should be left in the Middle Ages." Gee, I wonder if any of these marked men got the wrong idea about women due to the billion dollar success of the Fifty Shades of Garbage franchise, and/or the reactions of European actresses Brigitte Bardot and Catherine Deneuve to #MeToo?
The "film" is also for those married women who realize feminism was a mistake because their decent husband isn't violent enough for their batshit tastes. It's for those vapid cunts who say "I want Charles in Charge of #MeToo!" Protip: Nicole Eggert said that Charles in Charge co-star and Trump-loving RNC speaker Scott Baio, who spoke about being a "conservative" in liberal Pedowood, molested her when she was 14. The "movie" is for women like Hope Hicks, who write defenses of their abusive boyfriends who are wife-beaters, all for her boss who is a serial sexual abuser and rapey millionaire sleazeball doofus who acts like an illiterate mob boss with a Napoleon complex who brags about the size of his Big Red Button, possibly because Stephanie Clifford said he has a teeny tiny penis. The difference is that Hope Hicks used to be a model. For those women yearning for their very own Rob Porter in their life, the film is about "Anastasia Steele" who is married or some shit, and then some things happen, and there's probably some spanking (but not with a Forbes magazine with Ivanka on the cover), and then at least 100 theaters have to replace over 9,000 seats because sluts sploosh grool all over them (like Ivanka eyefucking faggot Justin Trudeau) when they were reminded that they voted The Donald into office, which simultaneously enrages them yet also turns them on. "How can I hate The Donald but yearn for Christian at the same time?", Hillary-voters wonder. Don't be unattractive, basically. But it's fictional! When has anybody ever imitated fiction?
For a reminder that women want it both ways: #MeToo=good, wearing black to the Golden Globes=good, FSF=good, no contradictions there. I mean, didn't Anastasia Steele and Stormy Daniels both sign a contract or some shit? Fifty Shades Freed also came out two days after Hollywood producer Jill Messick an hero'd. Messick was the manager of Rose McGowan during the time that Rose got HARVEYED, and after Harvey Jewstein's lawyers released an email without Messick's permission which appeared to defend Weinstein against his at least 100 accusers. Fun Fact: Messick was also a producer of the upcoming Minecraft: The Movie, starring Michael Scott from The Office, which is set to be released the same month as capeshit Avengers 4. Remember the time that Crooked Hillary defended her 2008 campaign adviser and sexual harasser Burns Strider, and how she refused to fire him even after Patti Doyle told her to? Remember how some argue that Crooked Hillary's father Hugh Rodham ran the Chicago mob after Al Capone did? Remember how Crooked Hillary stands by her man, Slick Willy, even though he raped Juanita Broaddrick? Remember how Slovenian mail-order-bride Melania Trump stands by her man, Donald Trump, even though he's an adulterer who rawdogs pornstars? Who runs the world? Girls, who stand by their adulterer husbands. This movie is for all the Hillarys and Melanias in the world: the female enablers of rapists and domestic abusers and sexual abusers, like all those dumb cunts at Michigan State University who looked the other way when "pelvic masseuse" Larry Nassar was "playing doctor."
With the release of Fifty Shades Freed, a title which makes zero sense in any language, the franchise has made over $1 billion worldwide. The film was also massively popular in Merkel's Rapefugee Central aka Germany. And 3/4ths of the audience were females, and the majority of them were under 30. So don't let those pink pussyhats fool you gentlemen, it's now obvious what women really want. Trade in that wifebeater for a suit and get down to business. Romance is dead, and women went Gone Girl on it. For any female readers out there who have been offended, now is the time to threaten the unavailability of female holes, since that's all that women who can't cook can bring to the table.
Contractual immunity to criticism
Fifty Shades of Sex definitively answers the question, "What female would want to marry Charles Manson?" #YesAllWomen. But don't accuse any female readers of this chickliterotica of being traitors to feminism or unwitting supporters of the Patriarchy or violence against women. No! While a few unfuckable women on the outrage machine known as Twitter are surely accusing the book and film of promoting rape culture or complaining that Christian Grey and his Red Room of Pain isn't ethnic enough, for the most part the book is hailed as the greatest possible expression of feminism, a woman filling all her holes on her own terms: when she wants, how she wants, with who she wants (ie. not you, a guy with more money than you, stupid). All with a contract and clauses and paperwork and signed consent forms to back it up! Now that's sexy! Sign here to be stalked. You see, a list of rules and a safeword makes almost rape okay. Why, it says right here in the Terms of Service you agreed to that I can rape you up the ass on a monthly basis! Anything less would be breach of contract! Who said corporate types don't know how to have a fun time?
According to the immutable law of the Streisand Effect, groups opposed to the film have only increased the film's visibility. The more people learn about how much the film is about violence against women, the more people want to see it. Because isn't it about time the female gender had a collective Falcon Punch in the pussy?
Complaints were made after a Target store in the US put Fifty Shades paraphernalia like blindfolds and vibrators next to children's electric toothbrushes. Was it an honest mistake by an Aspie stockboy since all of those products are sleep aids? No, it was of course a conspiracy by the dental hygiene industry to increase sales of children's electric toothbrushes (aka child vibrators).
The only safe criticism of the film is that it's not worth watching because it's boring and has terrible dialogue and not hardcore enough. Serious sick fucks who were expecting torture porn will say the film is made by and for filthy casuals.
In perhaps the most devastating critique of the film, Pope Francis, leader of the Catholic Church and its over 1 billion followers, released a statement calling the film "easymode" because of the film's lack of racks, breast rippers, choke pears, Judas cradles, and other religious instruments of torture. He further added that the film was quote, "kid stuff."
This titillating Mommy Porn has also been a boon for various industries. More handcuffs, rope, blindfolds, duct tape, paddles, ball gags, zip ties, and spreader bars have been sold due to Fifty Shades of Grey than Neverland Ranch. And those instruments of sweet sweet dominance are truly what make women happy. I can picture the selfies on Instagram now. You will never see a happier grin than when a female is wearing a spreader bar, because she finally has been granted her Slut License. Paradoxically, the physical restraints free her from her bothersome constraint of free will, in true walking contradiction fashion. No longer confused by feminism, she now knows her true place in the world and where she belongs, in submission. Sales of giant latex vacuum bags, however, failed to meet analysts' expectations, except in Colombia and Florida, for different reasons altogether.
—E. L. James describing Ted Bundy
—Anastasia ringing up Christian Dennis Rader. No red flags there.
—A brilliant metaphor that teaches everyone how to write well.
The book will provide neverending inspiration for the music video industry and the preteen dance competition circuit for decades to come. Fifty Shades of Dick is a cancer that will invade all forms of media, and people who are too stupid to still watch commercials will get to sit through a million versions of this smut, where winking Ad Men will use it to sell products such as cars, purple pills, cat food, diapers, paper towels, baby food, oranges, breakfast cereal, pistachios, and sunglasses. And they will RUN IT INTO THE FUCKING GROUND harder than
United 93 Axis kamikaze pilot Andreas Lubitz. If Chester Cheetah isn't wearing a blindfold, how is PepsiCo supposed to make any money? Those ads will of course all win Clio Awards, until eventually a new category is created: Grand Excellence in 50 Shades of Great Jorb, Juice. Shameless companies have already capitalized on the Fifty Shades phenomenon with ads for baby clothes, fabric softener, cellphones, and teddy bears. Srsly. Even it-puts-the-lotion-on-its-skin ad campaigns may appear, two dozen years late, because fuck everything, we've got lotion to sell.
—A commercial for the Detroit Red Wings or Tampax?
The vocabulary of Erika Mitchell
In the book version of the movie, the word erection occurs 19 times in this smut, which includes 16 instances of "his erection." As in, "Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free. Holy cow..." But the only occurrence of the word dick is in the phrase "dickless jock." There are zero instances of penis or pussy or cunt. Also, all incidents of the word cock appear in phrases where someone moves their head. For example, "cocks his head to one side" appears no less than 16 times. Was it autism?
—fastest selling paperback of all time
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My inner goddess
The phrase "inner goddess" occurs exactly 58 times in slut trashterpiece 50 Shades of Grey. My inner goddess doesn't know how to feel about this...
—E. L. James suggesting that blowjobs could be mouthrape against men.
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Holy Moses
Since E. L. James has a puny female brain and is also a former TV executive, but mostly because she has a puny female brain, her vocabulary of words for astonishment are quite limited, as seen in the fastest selling paperback of all time:
- oh (461)
- holy (160)
- crap (92) or crapola (1) (93)
- jeez (81)
- holy shit (54)
- holy crap (41)
- holy fuck (23)
- holy cow (19)
- holy hell (13)
- holy Moses (8)
- double crap (7)
- holy mackerel (1)
- triple crap (1)
—If this bitch doesn't have her fingers in hair, she dies.
The word assault occurs 12 times in this filth. But you wouldn't understand. You just don't get it, okay? I don't have to explain myself to you.
Contrary to what wimmins say, but common knowledge to Boko Haram and sex traffickers and serial killers, females actually enjoy being kidnapped, tied up, held against their will, and beaten:
—fastest selling paperback of all time
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Inside the mind of a middle-aged cumdumpster
In the interest of scholarly inquiry, other word frequencies in the fastest selling paperback of all time written by housewife and mother-of-two Erika Mitchell include:
- my (3772) or me (2695) or mine (121) (6588)
- he (3401) or his (2444) or he's (686) (6531)
- eyes (535) or eye (35) or eyeing (5) or eyed (2) (577)
- look (200) or looks (144) or looking (48) or looked (5) (397)
- breath (74) or breathes (67) or breathing (60) or breathe (46) or breathlessly (7) or breathless (7) or breathtaking (6) or breathy (6) or breathtakingly (2) or breathing's (1) or breaths (1) (277)
- feel (255) or feeling (75) or feels (32) or feelings (19) (381)
- hair (253)
- voice (208)
- pulls (116) or pull (44) or pulling (41) or pulled (5) (206)
- mouth (202)
- lips (131) or lip (69) (200)
- kisses (104) or kiss (57) or kissing (27) or kissed (9) (197)
- come (148) or comes (45) (193)
- face (179)
- sex (77) or sexual (29) or sexy (21) or sexually (7) or sexing (2) or sexy-looking (1) or sexuality (1) or sexiest (1) or sexier (1) (140)
- hard (130) or harder (24) or harden (5) or hardening (2) (161)
- submissive (129) or submissive's (9) or submission (6) or submissives (5) or submit (3) or ex-submissive (1) or submiss (1) (154)
- against (149)
- grins (73) or grin (53) or grinning (16) (142)
- body (139)
- dominant (121) or dominant's (4) or domineering (3) or dominating (1) or dominates (1) or dominated (1) or dominate (1) (132)
- flush (102) or flushed (7) or flushes (6) or flushing (4) (119)
- fuck (82) or fucked (10) or fucking (10) or just-fucked (6) (108)
- bite (29) or biting (27) or bit (15) or bites (13) (84)
- agreed (32) or agree (22) or agreement (19) or agrees (4) or agreements (1) or agreeable (1) or agreeing (1) (80)
- groan (51) or groans (21) or groaning (3) (75)
- hips (58) or hip (14) or hipbone (2) (74)
- Grey Enterprises Holdings (71)
- ear (53) or ears (15) (68)
- roll (37) or rolls (18) or rolling (8) or rolled (4) or roller (1) (68)
- pain (43) or painful (14) or painfully (4) or pleasure/pain (1) (62)
- tightly (20) or tight (16) or tightens (12) or tighter (6) or tighten (5) or tightening (3) (62)
- tongue (60) or tongues (2) (62)
- baby (61)
- tie (42) or tied (15) or tying (2) (59)
- wine (57)
- chest (55)
- orders (36) or order (8) or ordered (6) or ordering (4) (54)
- contract (52) or contracts (1) (53)
- hot (48)
- hurt (42) or hurts (5) (47)
- sign (29) or signed (14) or signs (2) or undersigned (1) or signatures (1) (47)
- gasp (33) or gasps (10) or gasping (3) (46)
- shocked (21) or shock (19) or aftershocks (2) or shocks (2) (44)
- excitement (20) or excited (17) or exciting (4) or excitedly (2) (43)
- inside me (43)
- blood (40) or bloody (2) (42)
- thighs (30) or thigh (10) (40)
- moan (33) or moaning (5) or moans (1) (39)
- panties (38) or panty (1) (39)
- smirks (27) or smirk (7) or smirking (5) (39)
- punish (14) or punishment (13) or punishing (4) or punished (4) or pain/punishment/discipline (1) or punishments (1) (37)
- neck (36)
- breasts (26) or breast (8) (34)
- spank (18) or spanking (8) or spanked (3) or spanks (2) or spankings (1) (32)
- freak (18) or freaking (5) or control-freak (3) or control-freak-bastard (1) or freakery (1) or freaky (1) or freaks (1) (30)
- into me (29)
- sore (29)
- crop (25) or crops (2) or riding-crop (1) (28)
- strange (25) or strangely (3) or strangest (1) (28)
- beat (17) or beaten (5) or beating (3) or beats (2) (27)
- nipples (19) or nipple (8) (27)
- pounding (18) or pounds (5) or pound (3) (26)
- suck (15) or sucking (7) or sucks (2) or sucked (1) (25)
- overwhelming (16) or overwhelmed (5) or overwhelm (3) (24)
- suit (16) or suits (apparel) (3) (24)
- weird (15) or weirdly (5) or weirding (3) (23)
- power (15) or powerful (5) or overpowering (1) or powerhouse (1) (22)
- spreads (8) or spreading (4) or spreader (4) or spread (4) or spread-eagled (2) (22)
- passionately (7) or passion (6) or passionate (5) or impassioned (2) (20)
- bra (19)
- condom (16) or condoms (3) (19)
- growls (15) or growling (2) or growl (1) or growlers (1) (19)
- orgasm (17) or orgasms (2) (19)
- shades (19)
- stalker (12) or stalking (4) or stalks (2) or stalk (1) (19)
- stiffen (6) or stiffly (6) or stiff (4) or stiffening (2) or stiffens (1) (19)
- demands (10) or demanding (4) or demand (3) or demanded (1) (18)
- screaming (8) or scream (6) or screams (4) (18)
- exquisite (14) or exquisitely (3) (17)
- obey (15) and obeying (2) (17)
- wet (17)
- aroused (9) or arousing (4) or arousal (3) (16)
- Audi (16)
- gagged (6) or gagging (6) or gag (4) (16)
- spent (15)
- safe word (6) or safeword (5) or safewords (2) or safe-word (1) (14)
- erotic (13)
- flogger (8) or flogged (2) or floggings (1) or flog (1) (12)
- slap (8) or slaps (3) or slapped (1) (12)
- Tess (12)
- whips (5) or whipped (3) or whipping (2) or whippings (1) or whip (1) (12)
- zipper (5) or unzipping (2) or unzips (2) or unzipped (1) or unzip (1) or zip (1) (12)
- ass (11)
- behind my ear (11)
- clamps (10) or clamp (1) (11)
- Red Room of Pain (10) or Red Room of...Pain...or Pleasure (1) (11)
- climax (9) or climaxes (1) (10)
- clitoris (10)
- convulses (3) or convulse (3) or convulsively (2) or convulsing (2) (10)
- quiver (5) or quivering (4) or quivers (1) (10)
- torture (5) or tortured (2) or soft-boudoir-Elizabethan-torture (1) or torturing (1) or tortuous (1) (10)
- bound (9)
- empty (9)
- fisting (9)
- kinky (8) or kinky-as-hell (1)
- orange juice (9)
- raw (9)
- shattered (5) or shattering (1) or shatter (1) or body-shattering (1) or earth-shattering (1) (9)
- slams (5) or slam (2) or slamming (2) (9)
- belt (8)
- Cosmos (3) or Cosmo (2) or Cosmopolitans (2) or Cosmopolitan (1) (8)
- knight (8)
- pubic hair (8)
- rush (3) or rushed (3) or rushing (2) (8)
- virgin (4) or virginity (4) (8)
- anal (7)
- butt (3) or buttocks (3) or buttock (1) (7)
- debasement (4) or debased (2) or debase (1) (7)
- scary (7)
- shackles (5) or shackled (1) or shackle (1) (7)
- arrogant (6)
- binding (4) or bind (1) or binds (1) (6)
- down there (6)
- intoxicating (5) or intoxicate (1) (6)
- pumps (3) or pumping (3) (6)
- chains (4) or chain (1)
- grind (3) or grinds (1) or grinding (1) (5)
- humiliating (3) or humiliation (2) (5)
- pinned (2) or pinning (2) or pins (1) (5)
- abused (4)
- breach (3) or breaching (1) (4)
- inside you (4)
- Jesus (4)
- vaginal (4)
- merciless (3)
- naughty (3)
- oral (3)
- pregnant (2) or pregnancy (1) (3)
- sadist (3)
- white knight (3)
- Alpha (2)
- creepy (2)
- cunnilingus (2)
- dildos (2)
- kidnap (1) or kidnapping (1) (2)
- lemon juice (2)
- moist (2)
- non-disclosure (2)
- strangled (1) or strangling (1) (2)
- vagina (2)
- vibrators (2)
- Wikipedia (2)
- wolfish (2)
- barbarous (1)
- masochist (1)
- moral (1)
- necrophilia (1)
- onslaught (1)
- receptacle (1)
A colored gentleman reacts to Fifty Shades of Rape.
Image reference of Christian Grey created using cutting edge image-generating technology.
50 shades of gay.
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See Also
- Domestic Violence
- Shounen Maid Kuro-Kun: Only anime could manage to make shit like this even gayer. You never let us down, Japan.
- Twilight
|Featured article March 1 & 2, 2015
|Preceded by
Milo Yiannopoulos
|Fifty Shades of Grey
|Succeeded by
Arthur Chu


text:
As a freshwater guy I don't know much about tides, tidal charts, moon phases or anything else that could leave you high and dry and out of the fishing when you hit the salt. However, what I do know about tides is that they change. Change is good and we need to evolve in what we are doing in order to constantly grow. Think of it like this, when Gordon Gecko was walking in with the brick cell phone in the early ninety's who would have thought that a few decades later we all would have more power in our hands than was on the Apollo 13 trip to the moon. Like I said change is good and evolving is paramount. Here is the new publishing schedule for Kayak Bass Adventures.
The blog will publish three days a week: Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday. I feel that there is enough content across the industry to keep it fresh and conversational. Here is a menu of how the days will break out and what will be covered:
- Tuesday: Interviews with people within the fishing community. These could be fellow kayak anglers, FLW Pros, BASS Elite Pros or people in the Outdoor Retail sector.
- Wednesday: I will talk about fashion, gear, new baits or some type of fishing related product. I like fashion!
- Thursday: This will be a free for all with guest hosts, video blog or some sort of wacky life advice.
As you can see there is going to be a ton of action across Kayak Bass Adventures. I feel that the tide is rising for all of kayak fishing and especially kayak bass fishing, so jump on and ride the waves. I look forward to your comments and suggestions. As for tidal reports and conditions on the big water I leave that to my friends at 30 Miles Out and Yak Fish TV.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Twisted Beaded - Eagle Pendant Jewelry - Turquoise and Coral Nuggets
This sterling silver eagle jewelry was made in America, the eagle appears to fly above the turquoise and coral nuggets. This eagle jewelry has a unique design, the eagle is centered in a raindrop of sterling silver with 6mm turquoise and coral stones below. This Eagle jewelry measures 2 -1/4 inches in length including the bale and 1 inches across.
Eagle conveys the powers and messages of the spirit; it is man's connection to the divine because it flies higher than any other bird. ... If the eagle has appeared, it bestows freedom and courage to look ahead. The eagle is symbolic of the importance of honesty and truthful principles.
Turquoise is perhaps the oldest stone in man's history, the talisman of kings, shamans, and warriors. It is a stone of protection, strong and opaque, yet soothing to the touch, healing to the eye as if carved from an azure heaven and slipped to earth.
Coral represents diplomacy and is said to quiet the emotions and brings peace within. Coral helps to both understand and use the qualities of the mystic, as it facilitates intuition, imagination, and visualization. Coral connects to past spiritual masters and expedites and accelerates the transfer of knowledge.


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Two days ago, I saw the last installment of the Bourne series (The Bourne Ultimatum). It was an excellent movie, very well done, intelligent, great action, great camera.
However, I just noticed something. There seems to be something special about names starting with the initials "J.B.". I mean, think about it: James Bond, then Jack Bauer, and now Jason Bourne. This cannot be a coincidence! I'm not sure if this is a well known fact or something, but I certainly would love to know if there is something special and intentional about the choice of names.


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How often should I change my oil?
To ensure you maintain the warranty on your vehicle please check your vehicle manual.
Change your engine oil at the vehicle manufacturer's recommended service interval that matches your vehicle's operating conditions and your driving habits
- The best advice, ignore the oil industry and go by your car's user manual, which will probably advise an interval of 5,000 miles or more. You'll save some money — and possibly keep the world a little greener in the process.
How often should I rotate my tires?
You should rotate your tires everytime you change the oil in your car. Either every 3 months or 5,000 miles.
Rotating your tires means moving them from one side of the vehicle to the other, moving them from front to back, or a combination of both. This helps avoid uneven tire wear, which can lead to poor performance and decreased gas mileage. Tires may wear differently depending on their position on the vehicle, your driving style, and the condition of your suspension
Regularly rotating your tires helps evenly distribute tire wear – helping you get the most miles out of your tires while maximizing traction on all four wheels
On front-wheel-drive vehicles, front tires tend to wear faster than rear tires due to added pressure/resistance from steering
What does a transmissions fluid service include?
A transmission service is part of your routine maintenance, just like rotating your tires.
complete transmission service should include:
• removing and examining the sump or pan
• replacing or cleaning the screen or filter
• cleaning the pan
• reinstalling the pan with a new pan gasket
• pumping out the rest of the old fluid and replacing it with new, high quality ATF
• adding a friction modifier or additive package
New fluid restores the holding power between the clutches, reducing slip and heat production. Flushing the old fluid washes away tiny particles of clutch material and metal shavings. The result of changing the fluid is to provide better lubrication, improved the holding ability of the friction components, and reduced heat.


text: Cobeck1234 #1 Posted September 14 We will be on the Celebrity Solstice in March 2020 and not finding much of interest to do in Eden. DH not interested in Oysters, or doing an excursion that includes more time in the water. Has anyone enjoyed just getting off and walking around port? What is there to see and do on foot? Thanks! 0 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites


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Mr. Zombie only appears in one Twisted Metal, Twisted Metal 4. He is extremely unique however, in that Mr. Zombie is actually the one and only Rob Zombie! Rob Zombie wrote a good amount of the soundtrack for Twisted Metal 4, most if not all of them being remixes for some of his most popular songs.
His vehicle is the Dragula, the name of one of Rob Zombie's many great songs. His character in the game has joined the Twisted Metal tournament because he wishes to be a celebrity (oh the delicious irony!). His special weapon is a giant demon skull of sorts that draws enemies in with an electrifying tractor beam of sorts that slowly drains their health, and explodes.
Axel is one of the more unique characters in the series, in that he is actually physically attached to his car. He had a rather unfortunate upbringing from an abusive father who grafted him into the giant wheels. Axel seeks out to partake in Twisted Metal so that he can prove that he is stronger than his father.
He's a body attached to two wheels and drives around as such, his weapon being a force field of sorts that radiates explosively. He typically has very weak armor because his very body is exposed to the elements, and let's face it, a missle to the face would hurt pretty bad, if you lived to feel it is, which Axel apperently can do!
Grasshopper is driven by the 15 year-old Krista Sparks, and when she was in a car accident at a very young age, she survived and was rebuilt as part-cyborg by the LAPD to track down Calypso and get close to him. How could she do that, you ask? You'll have to play Twisted Metal 2 for yourself!
She also appears in Twisted Metal: Head-On as a ghost, and needs to win the tournament to wish for her life back. Her vehicle is unfortunately horrible, and her special attack is pretty difficult to use. She's worth playing through the story at least once, however, so you can see her surprising ending.
Warthog, much like Spectre, is usually a different person is every game, the vehicle of choice always being a tank or a Humvee. In every game except Twisted Metal Black and Twisted Metal 4, his special weapon is the Patriotic Missiles, a trio of red, white, and blue missiles.
The various tanks and Humvees are usually pretty slow (the Humvee's are faster than the tanks though), and the armor is usually pretty top notch, making him a great turtle. His Patriotic Missiles are pretty powerful as well because not only is it three missiles at once, but they all home in on a target! Warthog does some serious damage, and has been in every Twisted Metal to date.
Contrary to the name, Outlaw is actually driven by a cop, and is indeed a cop car. Sgt. Carl Roberts drives the car in the first tournament in an attempt to stop the tournament once and for all, and bring Calypso to justice. Like all of Calypso's wishes that are granted, things don't go so well for Carl, and in the second game, his sister who is also an officer sets out to find him.
Eventually in the series, they ride in the same car and set out on their original mission. Twisted Metal Black saw a completely different character and vehicle with the name "Outlaw", but the cop duo came back for Twisted Metal: Head-On.
The final boss of Twisted Metal 2, and is driven by Charlie Kane, you can probably guess who he's related to. He is perhaps the hardest boss in Twisted Metal history, and drives a gigantic ice-cream truck that is black with pink polka-dots. He is massive, extremely fast, and is great at pressuring the player.
He even has two forms. While the first form can be baited and trapped, nothing can save you from his second form other than hit and run tactics, with health pick-ups in between. Dark Tooth isn't just playing around, and he's absolutely crazy! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case.
A lot of people like to play as Spectre, and for good reason. He's probably the most well-rounded on the list. Every one of his stats is decent without being too far on either side of the spectrum. He has some history with Sweet Tooth that I won't spoil here, but his influence as a character in the series is fairly large, affecting several characters throughout the franchise.
Spectre is ironically never the same character twice in any of the games, and thus the cars are fairly different in design as well. In one of the games, Spectre is a girl, while the rest of them are usually male, and none of them are related. Still, whichever car bears the name "Spectre", is usually one of the best to pick from.
In the first Twisted Metal game, he was a former champion of the tournament and the end boss of the game. Calypso eventually came to own his soul and he makes an appearance in almost every Twisted Metal game. He is often a large tank with a very powerful special weapon, though in TM: Black, he took the form of a semi-truck with a powerful flamethrower.
He can often be unlocked via various methods, some games with cheats, others you can simply unlock him by meeting certain requirements. His presence throughout the series is well-known and you know you're in for one heck of a battle if a message pops up that says "Prepare to face Minion!".
Calypso is the one who started the entire tournament. He runs the whole thing, and whoever wins the tournament gets to have one wish granted by him. Often times, these wishes are granted but in a twisted way, so that the victor will not be able to enjoy their wish. This power has sometimes backfired on him as well, since the powers that be force him to grant the wish, no matter what it is.
Calypso was once just a normal family man, but got into a nasty car accident with his family and they all died. Two years later, after who knows what happened to him, he came back to life and began the Twisted Metal tournament. He was only playable in one game, Twisted Metal 4.
It can't be denied, the psychotic clown is depicted on almost every cover in the series. Sweet Tooth is known for being a total nutjob and even usurping Calypso at one point. He's typically the most powerful driver in each game, Twisted Metal 4 especially.
He drives an ice cream truck with a flaming clown's head on top of it. His real name is Needles Kane, and at first he was just a bit loopy, but as of Twisted Metal 4, he's been akin to Heath Ledger's Joker. He's gone through a few re-designs, but none of them are really significant, because looking at him, you'll always know who he is.
So hopefully you've enjoyed my latest Top Ten, honorable mentions go to Twister, Shadow, Auger, Primeval, Slam, Roadkill, and Hammerhead.
Let's hope any new Twisted Metal for the PS3 or 360 is a reality and we get many more great games in the franchise, and that these characters make it into the next twisted adventure! Rest assured, the number one character will definitely be in it, as he has been in every Twisted Metal to date, so let's keep our fingers crossed that the rest of them make it too!
List by Sour (06/11/2010)
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Spaghetti squash, we've of course been told how great this vegetable is for us. Also, spaghetti squash is a great substitute for those who must eat gluten free. Let's be honest though, spaghetti squash can just get boring after a while. We all know what happens when vegetables become boring…we start eating bags and bags of chips. Well, that might just be me.😳
However, I truly do love my vegetables. And, I try my best to keep things interesting when eating them. That's how this recipe came about. The same ol' squash and meatballs just were not jiving any longer. So, I switched it up and added shrimp, and cream sauce, and bacon. Bacon always makes everything better. Not to mention this meal comes together in a snap. So, there is no excuse now. Put down the chips, and start cooking this recipe.
Serves 5
- Spaghetti squash sliced in half and seeded
- 1 cup of cream sauce (2 T butter, 2 T flour, salt, pepper, garlic powder, dash of nutmeg, 1/2 cup vegetable broth, 3/4 cup of milk or cream)
- 1 lb large shrimp, peeled
- 2 T butter
- 2 cloves minced garlic
- 1 T parsley
- 1/2 t garlic salt
- pepper to taste
- 1/2 cup cooked chopped bacon
- 1/2 cup parmesan cheese
- Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Bake squash face down in 1/2 inch water for 30-35 minutes.
- Set aside and let cool for 10-15 minutes.
- While that cools prepare the cream sauce. In a sauce pan on medium heat melt the butter, and then add the flour and seasonings and cook for about a minute.Gently stir in vegetable broth and milk whisking constantly to make sure your sauce is not lumpy. Allow to cook for a few minutes until thick and creamy.
- In a saute pan heat 2 T of butter on medium high heat. Add the shrimp, garlic, parsley, garlic salt, and pepper. Saute for about 2-3 minutes just until shrimp is pink and cooked through.
- Shred Spaghetti squash, by scraping the squash out of it's hard skin with a fork. Top with shrimp, cream sauce, parmesan cheese, and bacon.


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Many aspects of the healthcare environments have unique power protection requirements. International Electrotechnical Commission (IEC) standards, for example, make it mandatory to install UPS equipment in departments that are deemed critical. Schneider Electric™ UPS units, in addition to being highly reliable solutions, are also designed to conform to Joint Commission certification and government regulatory requirements. In the event of a utility power malfunction, reliable UPS units provide enough run-time to implement backup procedures for alternate power generation or relocation of critical services if necessary.
Reliable UPS solutions limit risks
Besides operating rooms, emergency departments, intensive care and baby care units, UPS solutions can offer uptime support in the following environments:
- Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) and Computerized Tomography (CT) scanners — Medical imaging services are critical for emergency and surgical processes. Maintaining reliable access to images and result data is not easy, as users expect their access to this data to be both reliable and transparent.
- Picture Archiving & Communications Systems (PACS) — With medical modalities equipment being electronically connected, electronic images and reports are constantly being transmitted digitally.
- Nursing station and general administrative support — Downtime has a direct impact on patient care systems. Without UPS support, the hospital would have to switch to manual processes, requiring increased staff to deliver a minimal level of services and increasing the risk of medication and diet errors.
As most healthcare facilities have migrated to an almost completely paperless or electronic process, system downtime creates substantial stress. Schneider Electric UPS systems can provide the reliability needed to help healthcare providers attain peace of mind. Whether designing a customized or turnkey UPS system, Schneider Electric engineers leverage their expertise in building and configuring single-phase and three-phase UPS solutions for healthcare applications to meet the highest standards of healthcare providers.


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This 3D virtual rendering allow people to see how the Charles Bridge was built in the 14th century.
The bridge is 621 metres long and nearly 10 metres wide, and is often considered to be one of the most astonishing civil gothic-style buildings in the world. The bridge is decorated by a continuous alley of 30 statues and statuaries, most of them baroque-style, originally erected around 1700 but now all replaced by replicas.


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Dear friends,
Thank you for partnering with Nations for Jesus (NFJ) to reach the world for Jesus Christ. This gift catalog offers you an opportunity to participate in a wide variety of unique ministries that are tailored to meet the physical and spiritual needs of people living in Africa and Asia. I encourage you to look through the gifts and see how God would have you share the love of Jesus Christ with the lost, poor, and needy - how you will tell the untold millions of people that Jesus cares about them and offers them hope.
Reaching those who never heard the gospel is the heartbeat of NFJ. It breaks my heart to think that more than 2.6 billion people in the world are still unreached. They have not had the opportunity to receive the gospel and will slip into a Christ-less eternity unless we answer God's call. As Romans 10:14-15 tells us, "How then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'"
I believe that God can work through us in a powerful way to make a profound, eternal difference in the lives of those who are perishing without salvation. I pray that you do too, and that you will consider partnering with NFJ as we reach out to the lost through these evangelistic and compassion ministries.
Yours for the unreached millions,
Ratna K. Sajja, D.Min.
Nations for Jesus


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Genesis News
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The 2019 Genesis G70 has been named a "2019 Best New Car" by Autotrader. The award, which was agreed upon unanimously among Autotrader editors, was presented to G70 on the basis of its class-redefining merits. Conveying the stand-out attributes of G70, they noted that its interior is "a highlight that rivals cars costing tens of thousands of dollars more."
"This award is further recognition of the G70's outstanding positioning among luxury sport sedans," said Erwin Raphael, Chief Operating Officer, Genesis Motor America. "We are honored for our new G70 to receive this accolade from Autotrader."
G70 was selected by the editors of Autotrader from a list of over 300 eligible, new vehicles. Led by Editor-in-Chief Brian Moody, the team of editors spent the year testing interior comfort and materials, build quality, available features and ride quality.
"Anyone can get a European luxury sedan, in some cities, they're almost common," said Autotrader Executive Editor, Brian Moody. "The Genesis G70 takes a different path. A loaded G70 with very impressive performance will set you back about $45,000. A nicely equipped and still luxurious base model is about ten grand less than that. It's an excellent performance/luxury car for those who don't want to follow the crowd."
As the first Genesis model in the highly competitive entry luxury segment, G70 outperforms legacy luxury sport sedans with driver-focused performance. G70, which was named the 2019 North American Car of the Year, as well as receiving several other prominent awards in recent months, resets benchmarks and expectations among luxury sport sedans, with holistic integration of performance, body strength, refined luxury and aerodynamic design. Pricing starts at $34,900.


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What Is So Fascinating About VPN Tumblr?
1 way to check your VPN is to find out what speed you become through your ISP. If your VPN appears to be slow, here are a couple recommendations that might help you out. Basically, a VPN is a network technology that makes a safe network connection on a public network like the Internet or a private network owned by means of a service provider. In addition, a VPN is only one measure you ought to take. Employing a VPN can allow you to access them. It provides you with the highest level of security possible. The VPN is a safe method to browse the net.
The Do's and Don'ts of VPN Tumblr
For some services, you're going to be automatically logged in the VPN each time you use your house internet. In a few countries, VPNs aren't legal. You might also opt to set up your very own private VPN for your own personal use.
VPN Tumblr Help!
Tap the VPN to connect once you've set this up. VPNs can work over private small business networks and public networks like the web. Utilizing a paid VPN or proxy service is an excellent place to get started.
VPN Tumblr Secrets
Besides using VPN for remote access, it can likewise be utilized to bridge networks. Networking is a complex beast, which usually means you're more inclined to run into issues than not and one of the most frequent problems is slow web speed. The network you connect to might be in the very same city or country as you, or it might be on the opposite side of earth. You are able to use this secure network to encrypt your connection, making it tough to hack.
The best method to remain safe on the world wide web, irrespective of its use, is to use a VPN. It is a dangerous place. Giving up the Internet also involves giving up online banking, internet shopping, and internet photo-sharing. Additionally, you can allow it to be public so that anyone on the web can see it.
While shopping for a VPN service, it is strongly recommended to locate a service that doesn't log its clients' traffic and prevents an anonymity-unmasking issue called IPv6 leakage. At the exact same time, in the previous few months free VPN services are tied to deceptive business practices. Most VPN companies ensure it is feasible to look at region restricted content securely, but not all them protect your privacy completely.
The VPN server plays the part of a middleman between you and the website which you are visiting. It acts as a network gateway in this situation. It provides new IPs to replace your real IP.
VPN Tumblr – Overview
After you decide on a server the program will connect automatically. Then you'll find a server in which you require it. You have to disconnect, and reconnect to another server.
The Importance of VPN Tumblr
Private online Access is quite easy to prepare. It is an excellent value and an industry leader when it comes to speed, security, and privacy. Both Private online Access and another popular company, Mullvad, carry that degree of security.


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THURSDAY, May 23, 2013 — High cholesterol or high blood sugar? That's the decision that millions of Americans on cholesterol-lowering drugs are facing, according to a new study published in the British Medical Journal.
Researchers found that some statins, such as Lipitor and Zocor, can raise a patient's risk for diabetes by as much as 22 percent. Looking at more than 1.5 million people in Canada, they found that while some drugs raised the risk more than others, all of the statins conferred some increased risk of diabetes.
"Overall, we observed a 10 to 22 percent increased risk of diabetes for some statins," the researchers, led by Aleesa Carter, PharmD , of Toronto General Hospital, wrote in the study. "[The findings] add to the discussion of risk when doctors are considering starting statin treatment in a patient."
But while experts concede that the effect is real, they maintain that the benefits of the medications far outweigh the risks.
There is no denying the link between statins and diabetes, which has been well studied in the past, said David Marks, MD, Chief Medical Officer of InBalance Health, but the real risk is being overblown. Heart disease itself is a risk factor for diabetes, so many patients who are on statins were already heading down the road towards diabetes when they started medication.
"It's important to understand that the absolute risk of developing diabetes by taking statins is relatively low," Dr. Marks said. "This information is most helpful for people who are overweight or are otherwise at risk for diabetes; it should provide more incentive for them to undertake lifestyle changes like diet and exercise, which are the most effective ways to prevent or treat diabetes -- and is also heart-healthy."
In addition, Steven Nissen, MD, chair of the department of cardiovascular medicine at the Cleveland Clinic, said that while the findings are correct, the risk is still too small to justify taking someone off medication.
"We've known about this issue for several years," he said. "It seems like a larger effect than it actually is."
The effect is so small, Dr. Nissen added, that he doesn't take it into account when deciding which medication to prescribe his patients.
"It is not a major consideration in deciding whether and who to treat," he said. "Patients are not hurt."
Dr. Marks stressed that the benefits of statins far outweigh the risks of diabetes.
"It's important to note that studies show that the net cardiac benefits outweigh the risk of diabetes in people who are already at risk for cardiovascular disease," he said.
But just because statins offer some benefits doesn't mean that doctors should prescribe them to everyone with slightly elevated cholesterol, Marks added.
"Many experts think that statin drugs are overprescribed, and I am one of them," he said. "It seems clear to me that in people who are at low risk for cardiovascular disease, the potential risks and side effects of these drugs significantly outweigh any potential benefits."
The most important thing for a patient to do is to work with their doctor to figure out a treatment plan that works best for them. In many cases, that plan will include a statin, he said, but it doesn't always have to.
"People should talk to their doctor about potential risks and benefits before starting statins ," Marks said, "or any other medicine. "


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Cherry Blossoms I with Cross
Baptism & Christening Invitations
Cherry Blossoms I with Cross, Item# CI7224A
Note: Sparkles are simulated and will not light up.
Cherry Blossoms I with Cross, Item# CI7224A
Note: Sparkles are simulated and will not light up.
Cherry Blossoms I Reply Card Set
Driving Directions Insert Card
Godparents Insert Card
Cherry Blossoms I Postage Stamps
Place Card
Personalized Christening Beverage Napkin 1
Personalized Christening Luncheon Napkin 1
"Cherry Blossoms I with Cross" features a beautiful cherry blossom branch extending across the top. A charming cross rests above your custom text. Mix and match multiple color options.
You will be able to select the typestyle and ink colors to use for your personalized text during the design process. Start by clicking on the green 'Personalize and Continue' button. We recommend using the default typestyle and ink colors.
|Estimated Postage Required:
|$0.55 stamp - if other items are not added into the Envelope. Click here for additional postage information.
|Item Type:
|Flat Card
|Card Dimensions:
|5.25" x 7.5" (W x H)
|Printing Process:
|Digital Press
|Paper Weight:
|Multiple Stock Options
|Typestyle Shown:
|Copperplate and Coronet
|Matching Ink Color:
|Brown and Rose
|White Envelopes included. Printed return address and/or Calligraphy is available for an additional cost.
|Inner Lined Envelopes:
|Inner Lined Envelopes available for an Additional $.40 each. Choose from 20 different colors.


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Calgary Nikon Photographer Cody James shares a few tips and tricks that he has learned in the past few years to become one of Calgary's finest photographers.
My biggest rule in photography that I've always kept is to break all the rules! There are golden rules of composition, rules on how to edit, rules on everything in the book. Fact is, those rules are great ways to learn photography and can be essential in creating a foundation of success. But that doesn't mean you have to follow them to a tee! Experiment, get creative, be bold, and stray from the norm! Everything from composition, to how you edit should be about you, have your own style and own it!
If you're ever looking for feedback or advice feel free to message me on any of the social media or photo sharing sites I'm on!


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As much as the Eagles would love to focus on something else, the Riley Cooper situation has yet to blow over. In the most recent episode of events, Cooper announced that he would "step away for a period of time." He has been excused from all team activities as he receives counseling. As far as the media can tell, though, Cooper doesn't really need counseling. He doesn't have any disorders and simply made a terrible decision in the heat of a moment.
Any sort of sensitivity training is unlikely to change Cooper's outlook and even less likely to change his teammates' opinions of him. If anything, counseling is only a P.R. ploy by the Eagles in an attempt to appear proactive. Realistically, though, neither Cooper nor the Eagles can put the toothpaste back in the tube.
Cooper's withdrawal from the team definitely muddies his future with the organization. On Twitter, CBS Sports' Mike Freeman speculated that Cooper's NFL career is over: "[I] continue to hear Eagles want to cut Riley Cooper. Not set in stone by any means. But I'm not sure if Cooper will play another down in NFL."
From a football standpoint, the injury to Jeremy Maclin makes the pill of releasing Cooper tougher to swallow. In that case, the injured Arrelious Benn or unproven Ifeanyi Momah would be thrust permanently into a starting outside receiver role. Opposing defenses won't respect either one in the slightest.
From a moral perspective, many fans are outraged that NFL players who abuse drugs, commit crimes, and even kill animals or other humans (Donte Stallworth) usually get second chances, but Cooper's career may be doomed after uttering a single word. To be clear, Cooper isn't facing any league-imposed suspension. Freeman's implication that Cooper is toast in the NFL stems from the perception that no locker room in the black-dominated NFL would accept or want to play with him. If Cooper were a Pro Bowl caliber player, his talent would cause GMs to overlook his trespass, but a backup simply isn't worth the trouble. NFL players brush off DUIs, domestic assaults, and other petty arrests as simple missteps all the time, but they interpret racial comments as a direct assault on them. Therefore, black players will have a very tough time coexisting with Cooper, and the chances that he gets cut are becoming increasingly real.
Below is Cooper's full statement:
"The last few days have been incredibly difficult for me. My actions were inexcusable. The more I think about what I did, the more disgusted I get. I keep trying to figure out how I could have said something so repulsive, and what I can do to make things better.
Right now, I think it's important for me to take some time to reflect on this situation. The organization and my teammates have been extremely supportive, but I also realize that there are people who will have a tough time forgiving me for what I've done. The best thing for me, and for the team, is to step away for a period of time.
During this time I'm going to be speaking with a variety of professionals to help me better understand how I could have done something that was so offensive, and how I can start the healing process for everyone. As long as it takes, and whatever I have to do, I'm going to try to make this right."


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For all kids, divorce is often stressful, sad, and confusing. But for children with Asperger's (AS) and High Functioning Autism (HFA), divorce is especially problematic due to their difficulty with transitions and dislike for routine changes. Unfortunately, divorce may be the most disruptive event in a "special needs" child's life.
Research on divorce shows the following:
Research on divorce shows the following:
- stresses resulting from the life changes surrounding the divorce make kids more vulnerable to physical and emotional illnesses, especially when moms and dads continue to fight over custody issues
- kids of divorced parents are more likely to have health problems, to participate in more risky and antisocial behavior, and to be at higher than average risk of school failure than are young people from two-parent, non-divorced families
- kids of divorced couples are more likely to live in families experiencing poverty or difficult financial circumstances after the divorce
Studies are showing that there is more confusion and disruption during a divorce – and the effects can last much longer – than previously thought. Some research suggests that AS and HFA kids of divorced parents have more difficulty establishing mature emotional relationships when they become grown-ups.
Parents usually feel uncertain about how to give their "special needs" kids the right support through a divorce or separation. It may be uncharted territory, but you can successfully navigate this unsettling time – and help your child emerge from it feeling loved, confident, and strong. It is very possible to make the divorce process and its effects less painful.
Helping your youngster cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to his or her needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. It won't be a seamless process, but the tips below will help:
1. Acknowledge your kids' feelings. You may not be able to fix their problems or change their sadness to happiness, but it is important for you to acknowledge their feelings rather than dismissing them. Also, inspire trust by showing that you understand.
2. Although strong feelings can be tough on children, some reactions can be considered normal. Sadness about the family's new situation is normal, and sadness coupled with a sense of hopelessness and helplessness is likely to become a mild form of depression. It's natural for kids to feel anxious when faced with big changes in their lives. Your children may express their anger, rage, and resentment toward you and your ex-spouse for destroying their sense of normalcy.
3. Be age-aware. In general, younger kids need fewer details about a divorce and will do better with a simple explanation, while older children may need more information.
4. Kids have a remarkable ability to heal when given the support and love they need. Your words, actions, and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your kids of your unchanging love.
5. Conflict between moms and dads (separated or not) can be very damaging for children. It's crucial to avoid putting your kids in the middle of your fights, or making them feel like they have to choose between parents.
6. Choose to focus on the strengths of all family members, and encourage your kids to do the same.
7. By providing structure and routine that your AS or HFA child can rely on, you remind her that she can count on you for stability, structure, and care.
8. Be polite in your interactions with your ex-spouse. This not only sets a good example for your children, but can also influence your ex to be gracious in response.
9. Be patient. AS and HFA children struggling with divorce may seem to "get it" one day – but be unsure the next. Treat your youngster's confusion or misunderstandings with patience.
10. For all children, divorce can feel like loss (e.g., loss of a parent, loss of the life they know, etc.). You can help your AS or HFA child grieve and adjust to new circumstances by creating social stories around "dealing with change."
11. Especially at the beginning of your separation or divorce, you may need to pick and choose how much to tell your kids. Think carefully about how certain information will affect them.
12. Help your children find words for their anger and sadness. It's normal for AS and HFA kids to have difficulty expressing their emotions. You can help them by noticing their moods and encouraging them to talk.
13. Let your children know that, even though the physical circumstances of the family unit will change, they can continue to have healthy, loving relationships with both mom and dad.
14. Let them be honest. Some AS and HFA kids might be reluctant to share their true feelings for fear of hurting you. Let them know that whatever they say is okay. If they aren't able to share their honest feelings, they will have a harder time working through them.
15. Don't be critical of your ex-spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events (e.g., infidelity), but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the "blame game."
16. If you often find yourself locked in battle with your ex over the details of parenting, try to step back and remember the bigger purpose at hand – raising a happy, healthy child.
17. If you can keep the long-term goals in mind (e.g., your kid's physical and mental health, education, etc.), you may be able to avoid disagreements with your ex about daily details. Think ahead in order to stay calm.
18. If things get worse rather than better after a few months, it may be a sign that your youngster is stuck in depression, anxiety, or anger and could use some additional support. Watch for warning signs of divorce-related depression or anxiety (e.g., frequent angry or violent outbursts, poor concentration, refusal to participate in favorite activities, self-injury, eating disorders, sleep problems, trouble at school, withdrawal from loved ones, etc.).
19. However simple it may sound, letting your kids know that your love for them hasn't changed is a powerful message. Tell them you'll still be caring for them in every way just as before, from fixing their breakfast to helping with homework.
20. Maintaining a "working relationship" with your ex can help your children avoid the stress that comes with watching their mom and dad in conflict. Such a transitional time can't be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your kids' pain by making their well-being your top priority.
21. Many children believe that they had something to do with the divorce, recalling times they argued with their mom or dad, received poor grades, or got in trouble. You can help your children let go of this misconception.
22. Never argue in front of your kids, whether it's in person or over the phone. Ask your ex to talk another time, or drop the conversation altogether.
23. Resist the temptation to spoil your children during a divorce by not enforcing limits or by allowing them to break rules without consequences.
24. Physical closeness (e.g., kisses, hugs, pats on the back, etc.) has a powerful way of reassuring your youngster of your love.
25. Share logistical information. Tell your children about changes in their living arrangements, school activities, etc., but don't overwhelm them with too many details.
26. Refrain from talking with your kids about details of their other parent's "bad" behavior. It's the oldest rule in the book: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
27. Preempt your kids' questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things won't. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go. Let them know that things won't always be easy, but that they will work out. Knowing it'll be all right can provide incentive for your children to give a new situation a chance.
28. The benefit of schedules and organization for AS and HFA kids is widely recognized. These children feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next. For example, knowing that even when they switch homes, dinnertime is followed by a bath and then homework can set a youngster's mind at ease. Maintaining a set schedule also means continuing to observe rules, rewards and discipline.
29. When it comes to telling your children about your divorce, many moms and dads freeze up. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your kids by preparing significantly before you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of time, and plan carefully what you'll be telling them, you will be better equipped to help your kids handle the news.
30. While it's good for AS and HFA children to learn to be flexible, adjusting to many new things at once can be very difficult. Help your children adjust to change by providing as much stability as possible in their daily lives. Remember that establishing continuity doesn't mean that you have to be excessively rigid, but creating some regular routines at both households and consistently communicating to your kids what to expect will provide them with a sense of calm and stability.
Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management