text:
As a mom who has battled anxiety and depression for almost twelve years, it's easy for me to think that everyone around me, including my children don't notice when I'm having an anxiety attack. I have lived with it for so long that there are days I don't even realize I'm struggling. The weight on my chest feels like it does most any other day, as I've become so accustomed to what it feels like. Yet, for my children—especially my oldest son, the anxiety I try hard to mask isn't always hidden from his curious little eyes.
"Mom? Are you okay?"
I was standing at my kitchen sink, hot tears streaming down my face, elbow deep in dish soap and dirty plates. I had had enough. Anxiety had taken it's grip on me and I was overwhelmed.The house was a mess. My boys wouldn't stop fighting. My husband was running late. Dinner wasn't ready. The baby was screaming. My Bible lay open on the kitchen table, untouched yet again. My coffee mug sat on the counter to my right, still full and ice cold. I felt frumpy as I was still sporting the pajama pants I'd slept in the night before—at 3:00 pm.
No. I was not okay. My mom anxiety was at a high. I wanted to scream it as loud as I could. I wanted to throw the plate that I was holding on the floor and pitch an all out fit. I was tired—scratch that, exhausted from the weight of all of it: mothering, wife-ing, the parenting, cleaning, folding, diaper changing, baby rocking, constant cuddling, consoling, refereeing and bandaging. I was done. I had spent, at this point, eleven years of my life focusing entirely on someone else. It was always someone else. And that day? Enough was enough.
Perhaps the hardest thing about becoming a mother lies not in the job of actually taking on the new role you are tasked with or in taking care of the new human in your life, but in the learning to lessen yourself. I fully expected becoming a mom to change me when I had my first child, but I never expected it to diminish me. I'd always heard stories of moms who claimed to "lose themselves" when they had kids. I could not even begin to grasp how someone could do that. Then, I was thrown into the world of unending diaper changes and nonstop crying. By days end, I was so tired from all of the noise and fussing and whining that I didn't have time for me and eventually, I didn't even know who "me" was anymore.
Perhaps the hardest thing about becoming a mother lies in the learning to lessen yourself.
On this particular day when my almost eleven year old asked me if I was okay, the weight of it had just become too much to carry. Rather than telling him that I was fine when he could clearly see the mascara running down my face and could see the trembling of my shoulders as I silently released my stress and anxiety at the kitchen sink, I chose to be honest with him.
"No, son. Mom is not okay."
I wanted him to see that his mom was a real person, with real stressors and real feelings. That, despite the attempts that I made to keep it all together for him and his younger siblings, there were days when I just wasn't okay. When I just couldn't keep it together anymore. Days where, despite how much I loved him and his siblings, being a mom just wasn't fun for me. It wasn't easy for me. It wasn't even enjoyable for me. That even though I loved my children more than life itself and even though I would willingly lay down my own life for any one of them without hesitation…some days, I just wasn't happy.
When I willingly opened up, spoke truth and allowed my sweet oldest baby to see that his mom was struggling and that she was hurting, I gave him a chance to practice all of the things that I had been so desperately trying to teach him: empathy, kindness and the willingness to lend a hand when someone needs it. He wrapped his tiny little boy arms around me and gave me a hug. He laid his head on my shoulder, because he's almost as tall as I am now, and told him that it was all going to be alright and that he loved me.
Then, he scooped up his almost-two-year-old sister, who had been screaming at my feet for more minutes than I could recall, and carried her into the living room and started to play with her so I could finish my dishes.
I didn't get any "me time" that afternoon, or any afternoon that week. I didn't run away from my stress the second that my husband came home. I didn't even get the rest of the house clean that day. But, I did see that the countless hours that I spent tirelessly and endlessly caring for everyone under my roof were not in vain. I also realized that "losing myself" in the role of motherhood is not only normal, but it is good, holy work. Losing ourselves is never a negative connotation the way that the world seems to portray it. Losing myself, losing my pride, losing my sense of "all about me" makes me more like Jesus.
Jesus tells us plainly throughout scripture that we are called to deny ourselves and follow Him. Maybe some of us can deny ourselves on our own; learn how to let go of our own selfish ambition without needing someone to force us to do it. Yet, for me, I am not disciplined enough or selfless enough on my own to deny myself of the dreams, goals and ambitions that I have. So, God gave me children. Those children have forced me to become less of who I am for the sake of becoming more like the one who created me.
Like this post? Share it!
A few days ago, I posted something on Instagram that received a lot of really honest feedback from my followers. For those who aren't following the government shutdown, we are right in the middle of it. We moved to California last July and with that transition came a lot of changes for our family. Changes that included minimizing my work load and client list (to the point of basically shutting everything down–again), as well as pulling our boys from the public school system in lieu of homeschooling them.
While homeschooling in and of itself is an entirely different (and very sore) subject for me, it has made the shutdown even worse for our family. Because I am homeschooling, I am not able to devote as much time to running a business (of any kind), much less grow one. The shutdown for our family and 799,999 federally employed families, the shutdown means no paycheck and no income. If I'm being completely honest, this is just one more kick in the teeth since we moved to California.
It has been a long and lonely few months for me personally; months filled with heartache, bitterness, anger, despair, depression, anxiety, resentment and great trial. I feel much like I am treading water every day of my life, doing everything in my power to keep myself afloat and above the water. Every single time I think I have reached the point of shallow water and peaceful currents, the waves knock me under again. Likewise, every single time I am in the middle of a struggle or a storm, someone tells me one of three things: it's just a season, God is in control and that they wish there was something they could do.
It's time that those things stop being our cliche, go-to phrases when someone is in the middle of something hard.
I know seasons are biblical. I get that. I understand that. I accept that. King Solomon himself wrote eight verses of scripture specifically talking about seasons. I know that there are seasons of life and that they come and go. That doesn't make it any easier to listen to nor does it really help when you tell someone that.
Telling someone that it's a "season" and that "it too shall pass" is like looking at someone who just lost the most important person in the world to them and saying something cliche like, "God has a plan." We know these things. We understand these things; but that does not make them any easier. I remember when we were struggling with secondary infertility and people said the most hateful things because, somehow, my struggle-our struggle-wasn't long enough to warrant any pain yet. People hurt in different ways, for different reasons and at different lengths.
When we tell people that something is "just a season" we are basically telling them to just shut-up and deal with whatever they are struggling with…quietly.
Most of us are aware that whatever we are going through is something that will pass. Whether it's the clinginess of our children, the bout of depression, the period of singleness we may endure, the feeling of loneliness, insert-personal-season-of-struggle-here. We know these things. We understand these things. We believe that the thing we are battling will end.
But, that doesn't make the right now, in the middle of it any easier. Just because it's a season doesn't mean that it's any less hard or lonely. It doesn't debunk the pain or the hurt. It doesn't take away from the ache that is deep inside us. That pain is still there and it's still very, very real and valid.
Of course God is in control. Do you think that because I'm treading water right now that I have stopped believing that God is good or that God can/will/does take care of things? Of course he does. He's pretty stellar like that. I haven't lost my faith or my entire belief system just because I'm in the middle of something hard. I may have days where I feel further from God than I would like, but my trust in Him is still totally intact. Even though I know this, whatever I am dealing with at that current moment is still freakin' hard. It's still completely crappy and it sucks. No amount of faith will change the fact that my struggle is difficult.
I can ask God to take it from me. I can ask him to make the burden lighter (even Jesus did that). I can cry out to him and lament and weep and tell him I don't like it or understand it. I can hate the very circumstance that I am in with every fiber of my being. I can do all of those things but that does not mean that I doubt or stopped believing that God is in control. God being in control doesn't mean that in our humanity we don't still hurt or experience hardship. In truth, when we say things like this to someone, we are often minimizing their pain all over again.
I have heard this constantly since this government shutdown started and people who know us and aren't affiliated with the Coast Guard themselves…."I really wish there was something we could do to help you guys…"
Y'all. I can't even.
Nine times out of ten, when we say this to someone we are only saying this to stroke our own ego and make ourselves feel better about the fact that we either haven't already done something or that we don't really want to do something. There is always something you can do for someone. Be it you send them a gift card or some cash (which is something so many of our friends and family have done to help with the financial strain), write them a card or offer to babysit their kids for an hour so they can get out of the house and regroup…there is something you can do. Whatever they are dealing with and whatever their struggle may be-financial, emotional, spiritual-put yourself in their shoes and do the thing that you wish someone would do for you if you were where they are.
People all over are struggling in some way or another. It may not be the government shutdown impacting them. It may not be financial hardship. It may not be depression or death or extended illness. If you ask or look deep enough you will see that we all hurt in some way or another. Maybe it's time we actually choose to BE the hands and feet of Jesus and do something…instead of just talking about it. Again.
It's been quiet around here. 2018 has, so far, brought a whirlwind of changes for our family. We bid farewell to North Carolina and made the very long 3,000 mile drive cross country to California. After a couple of nonstop weeks, we finally got unpacked, settled down, and are falling into a new rhythm.
I'm not sure what prompted me to write today. Maybe it was the discussion I had with my friend Erica a few days ago about stepping off the stage and out of the limelight…you know, getting back to the words and the writing and the things that brought you all here in the first place. Maybe it's the newness of our location and the need to put word to
paper screen. Maybe it is me looking to find someone to talk to as we have just recently joined a church and I'm still digging for my "tribe" here in sunny NorCal.
Whatever that reason may be, I am.
Writing, that is.
There. I said it.
That felt kind of like ripping off a bandaid.
I felt like I needed to just kind of blurt that out like you would in a face-to-face conversation you're having with a girlfriend. Blurt it out when she's mid-sentence so as to truly shock her and cause her to pause and backtrack and ask you, "huh?"
During my time away from the never ending feeds of Facebook and Instagram, I spent a lot of hours in the car riding shotgun with my husband with our daughter in the backseat (don't worry…our boys were in the car in front of us with Grandma). We covered a lot of ground and put a lot of miles down on the road. We also had a lot of conversations. A lot of the really deep, thought provoking kind that leave you asking more questions and grasping for answers that you simply can't find. Something in me started to change somewhere between the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas.
Striving to do what others that I admire are doing (whether it be in work, in school, in business or in hobby). Attempting to recreate myself in the sense of who I think I am supposed to be rather than who I was created to be. As silly as it sounds, it was the unfollowing by someone on Instagram that kind of sent me into a subconscious curiosity of whether I was not enough. (Social media is grand, right?) A now well-known speaker and blogger/author once followed me on social media and then at some point stopped. No real clue why. But, that tiny little "unfollow" left me wondering what I did and why she did it.
Why doesn't she like me anymore?
Did I say something that offended her?
Am I not "christian" enough for her?
Is she too holy now that she has all these followers?
Is she better than I am?
During my time "off" I have learned three things that have completely changed the way that I look at and live life. Things you may read and say, "well…duh. Of course!" and then roll your eyes and click away from the site to go about your day. I get it. I do that, too. But, it's three things that, although obvious in so many ways, we tend to ignore and intentionally forget,
I know that so. many. people. say that same thing, over and over and over again. But, friends, it is so true. I wish that I could get you to understand that striving to fill a void that was only ever meant to be filled by Jesus himself will never make you happy. No matter how much money you spend. No matter how much time you devote into growing your following or your numbers or building your platform. Jesus was and is better. Period.
Again, probably cliche and something you have heard countless times in your life, but true nonetheless. I think back to the episode of F•R•I•E•N•D•S (and any true fan will appreciate my spelling it out like that) in which Ross insists that Die Hard was his idea and that he has the napkin to prove it. God has planted something inside of you that He wants to grow…to cultivate…to bring to life. Yet, being a microwave generation, we tend to want what we want, when we want it–which is typically right this moment. Instead of waiting on God's timing and trusting that He will bring to fruition all that is intended in His time, we throw in the towel and say forget it. I've had a countless number of ideas in my life that I have sat on and done nothing about, only to find that they are later executed by someone else. Typically someone I don't know and have never met. My point being…when God plants something in your heart, follow through with it. DO IT. My
I have never met her but thing she's fabulous friend, Ruth, has the motto, "Do It Scared." There is going to be fear. And doubt. And struggle. You do it anyway.
I know that is not always easy to hear or to believe. Trust me. I have battled with this thought pattern for well over a decade. It is exhausting and it is stressful. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run from it, you are going to be who God created you to be or you are going to be miserable. In my own life, I have struggled with trying to be like someone else for a long time. I
wanted to create things like someone else, shoot images like someone else, write like someone else. In all of my longing to be someone else, I allowed myself to diminish who it is that God created ME to be. I lost sight of what my passion is, what my style is, and what my voice sounds like. It's okay to want to grow and I think it's even okay to imitate in some ways (note: this is not me giving you permission to blatantly steal or copy something from someone else), but never to replicate. You are beautifully whole just as you are. Don't ever change that.
Life and work and business is changing (and has changed) here in our new little spot on the west coast. God is moving and working and I'm just excited to be along for the ride. Maybe that will mean I start blogging again more frequently. I remember that I used to really dig that…
I don't do well with time frames, guys. As I'm sure you can tell seeing as how two of the three Fervent posts so far have been late. It's not that I don't try to get these up on time, but sometimes when the good Lord is doing work in an area of your life, you have to just stop and listen.
Last week, I had an identity crisis.
What I'm learning right now is this:
When I'm praying and studying and working on bettering an area of my life, THAT area is the one that the enemy is going to attack.
I've already shared a very honest look at my depression battle here on my blog. No shame in that game, guys. Depression is real and so is anxiety. The longer we pretend it isn't, the more people who need help are going to keep pretending that they don't. But, that's a whole different post.
Last week, I felt myself begin to slip slowly back into that pit. Nothing in particular set that off; no one did or said anything that brought it on. I woke up one morning, something I saw on Facebook or Instagram set me off, and that was that. I spent the rest of the week wallowing in my self-pity. I didn't even bother to pick up the book until Thursday evening while everyone [hence my husband and our oldest] was at football practice and the littlest boy was sleeping.
When I did, I realized something invaluable…I was under attack.
You see, the enemy is clever. He's sneaky and he knows just how to make us doubt ourselves and who we are. He knows that there are things in my life that leave me hesitating…dancing around in fear. Mediocrity is my greatest fear and he knows that. He also knows how to make me feel like I've become all the things that I never wanted to be.
We all have lists. Things we want. Things we don't want. Things we need. Things we'd like to accomplish. Things we have already accomplished. Things we want for our children. Things we fear. Things we hope to never encounter. Habits we don't want to fall into and characteristics we never want to portray.
I probably live mostly by that last list. The qualities and characteristics that I don't want to represent or be described as:
I'm sure there are others, but all of the negative that I hope not to be, seems wrapped up in those words. And last week, I was pretty much all of them.
I looked upon the success of others whose work I admire greatly and found myself feeling not only envy, but anger at their success. I found myself bitter because of my own lack of success in areas that I know deep down are not areas that I was ever meant to thrive in. I found myself doubtful of God's goodness and His power because I wasn't getting/accomplishing/doing/being all of the things that I think I need to be. I found myself with "greener pastures" syndrome and wondering if I was missing more because of where I am.
And all the while the enemy was kicked back in his chair, eating popcorn and watching as my little world felt like it was crumbling. He was doing to me, exactly what he did to Eve all of those thousands of years ago…"Did God really say…"Only he was whispering to me…"Did you really think that you weren't those things.
[pullquote]He was doing to me, exactly what he did to Eve all of those years ago…"Did God really say…"Only he was whispering to me…"Did you really think that you weren't those things.[/pullquote]
And I was buying into it.
I pulled away from my prayer time. I felt so depressed and sorry for myself that I pulled away from my scripture time. I turned off my alarm in the mornings and rolled over until I absolutely had to get out of bed. My poor husband couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. And, quite honestly, I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.
For whatever reason, Thursday night, I picked up our book and couldn't help but laugh at what the week was about. Even though I already knew what the week covered, actually seeing it and having it register made me chuckle. As I read, I found myself nodding and praying and saying YES! to my quite house.
Then, I did what Elizabeth does in War Room…I called the enemy out. I started yelling at him. Telling him to get OUT of my house, get out of my head, and go back to Hell where he belonged.
Never in my nearly 30 years of life have I ever prayed like that. NEVER have I denounced the devil with such assertiveness and know how. I did it. And afterward? I felt like my old self.
I say this friends to hopefully reiterate the importance of prayer. To really drive home the fact that we are living in a world that is overrun with the enemy. With his demons doing their damage and wanting nothing more than to take you with them. I hope and I pray that you won't let them.
I sat down and wrote out some of my absolute favorite verses on who I am in Christ and then turned them into a prayer, written on an index card and hung on my computer for me to read over and over again throughout the day when I start to doubt…
I am God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do all of the good works that I was intended to do…works that were prepared long before I was ever thought of to do. I am a new creation! All of my mistakes are gone and have passed away and He has made me whole once again. I am God's temple, filled with His Holy Spirit…having been joined to the Lord in one spirit! I have been bought for a price and my name is written in the palm of Christ's hands. Paid for in blood and sealed with eternal glory! I have been fearfully and wonderfully made (src).
The enemy wants us to feel like we are a mistake. Like we aren't good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or accomplished enough or WHATEVER enough to do the works of the Lord. And when he wins? When we let him get the upper hand? When we start to believe those lies? He gets exactly what he wants. He makes us weak and bitter and depressed. And when we are those things, we can't accomplish anything for the kingdom.
So my challenge for you this week, even though we are moving into strategy four is this:
Don't give the enemy the upper hand.
Remember who you are.
Embrace the promises that He gives us through His Word and cast that negativity out! You're better than that and the only reason the enemy is attacking you is because he KNOWS that you are meant to do great things for the Kingdom of God.
Stay firmly planted in your identity and GO DO THEM.
Things to ponder for this week: Did you ever stop to think that your self-esteem issues or insecurities might not be "in your head" the way that people would have you think? That maybe, just maybe, they were a blatant and intentional attack on your identity by a very real enemy?
Don'r forget to submit your prayer requests and check out the new Virtual War Room right here on my blog!
I got my first really ugly comment yesterday.
I've done well, so far, to brush things off when the not-so-nice comments come through my comment filter. I'm not one to get bent out of shape over things like other people's comments or opinion. And in truth, the comment that was directed at me really didn't bother me because it was about me. It bothered me because of who may read it.
Someone commented on my very raw and honest post about my battle with depression. A post that, after mentioning to my husband that I wanted to share, brought much encouragement from him. He told me I should for sure share it. I think he even said, "Why wouldn't you share it?" That time of my life has made me who I am in so, so many ways. It has molded me, shaped me, tried me, nearly broken me, and in a full circle and round about way led me right back to where I was supposed to be…at the foot of the cross with arms open wide crying out to God: I can't do this without you.
Life is hard, y'all.
It's no cake walk.
There's all kinds of drama that comes flying at us from every single direction: family, friends, television, radio, social media (oh you've heard of social media? Apparently it's here to stay…). It's no wonder that so many people struggle with anxiety and stress. Everywhere you turn there's something else either vying for your attention or pumping negativity into your life.
I mean, come on. Have you watched the news lately? I quite honestly watch just enough to know that we aren't getting blow up and to check the weather (though nine times out of 10 I check the weather from the app on my phone). There's a reason that we live in a society where everyone seems to be on something or struggling secretly with something.
My life is a mess. I am a mess.
I wake up every day with a to-do list as long as my arm and if I'm lucky (big, big "if" here) I might cross two or three things off of that list. I have notebooks full of these grand ideas and plans and dreams and book ideas and outlines and charities I would like to start. I have dreams that could fill the walls of entire buildings.
And I have life.
And two children who need my attention and love and support.
And a husband with dreams and choices and ambitions of his own.
And friends who are struggling with unimaginable grief and things I can't fathom.
And sometimes, less often now that in the past, I get depressed and anxious about all of those things that I am not crossing off my "must do list" because when the must do's aren't getting scratched off, the I dream of doing list gets left untouched.
I shared my struggles with all of you to say that you are not alone.
And by sharing that, I was told that I needed a mental health evaluation.
When I read that my first thought was, "How rude!" (Did you totally do that in a Stephanie Tanner voice?! No? Just me, then?) Then I had to take a step back. I had to wonder if this woman had ever known anyone with mental health issues. If she had ever known anyone personally who had struggled day in and day out with whether or not they even had the energy to get out of bed. If she had ever known anyone who wondered if there was a point to this life at all and whether anyone would miss them if they weren't here.
It's comments like that…
People like that who don't understand how painful and isolating fighting depression can be…
I promptly deleted that comment. Not because it bothered me. Nor because I deny that I need help from a mental health expert (I go to counseling every other week and quite enjoy it). But because to someone who may be battling depression or suicidal thoughts…that comment might be the shove over the edge that they have been dreading.
Folks, please be careful with what you say and how you say it. There are entire movements working to remove the "r" word from people's vocabulary because of how hurtful it can be to those with special needs. Let's be careful of our words. I've reached a point of my life where I don't care if you call me crazy or not. Jimmy Buffett even said that "if we weren't all crazy we would go insane."
But not everyone has.
Not everyone wants to be told they are crazy. Or that they need mental help.
Depression is a silent battle. One that most people are fighting in secret because of that exact persona that it brings. Depression doesn't look like a Cymbalta commercial. It doesn't always walk around with a dark cloud hovering overhead. I suffered for years and years before anyone knew it.
No one caught it until I openly admitted it. And by that point, I'd been through the worst of it.
I haven't always be happy.
In fact, there was a time where I had began to wonder if there would ever be anything in my life that would make me feel like this ridiculous life on Earth was worth all of the headaches and heartaches that I endured time and time again growing up.
I wasn't abused physically or sexually, as I know many people who suffer from depression are. I didn't come from a broken home with parents who were alcoholics or who beat each other up. In fact, most people just always assumed that I had this picture perfect little life. My dad worked hard to provide, my mom was active in my school growing up…just a regular middle-class American family.
Most everyone would never have guessed that all throughout High School and my first two years of college that I was battling depression and suicidal thoughts. Because we (societal "we") wrap depression up in a little box with black wrapping paper, tattoos, and piercings. We envision people who are depressed as those society would deem as gothic or rebellious when in actuality it comes in all kinds of shapes and forms. It comes in the form of a 5'5″ sorority girl and private school graduate with "everything in the world going for her." In the form of a girl battling great inner turmoil than anyone can see because she doesn't look how you would think a person with depression is supposed to look.
I don't remember exactly when my depression started because it's been in my life for so long My mom battled depression throughout my childhood and I remember having an overall hate for life by the time I was in 7th grade. I didn't wake up one morning and just realize, "Whoa…I'm depressed…and way more unhappy than normal people should be."
But, I do remember the moment that I recognized it.
I always grew up feeling lacking in some way, shape or form. In High School it was lacking in all of the ways that you'd expect from a teenage girl trying to find her place at a private school she was only attending because she was on scholarship. I felt lacking in what I wore, what I drove, my position on whichever athletic team I was attempting to be a part of…always falling second or third behind someone else. Never quite understanding why I wasn't as good as the others.
I didn't fit in with the popular crowd. I never got invited to go out with the "cool" kids and didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 17. I was almost always the understudy in drama club productions and, even though I graduated sixth in my class, I didn't make Valedictorian or Salutatorian, despite my best efforts. I was always in the role of the "best friend" or the "other friend" when it came to dating. Think Something Borrowed and I'm Rachel, or Friends and I'm Monica when she was fat. Guys would talk to me when they wanted a date with my best friend.
I was very lonely in High School. My mom and I did not get along the best in the world, especially right before my Senior Year when both of my grandmother's passed away within a 10 day window. My mom slipped into a major depression herself and I just found it in myself to keep going and do my best to get the hell out. I knew that I wanted out of my small town and was determined to make that happen.
I was lonely. I was sad. I pushed myself harder than I think I ever have to prove myself. I ached to belong and ached to be wanted or feel needed by someone. Things at home were a disaster and I spent a vast majority of my time in my room crying or at my then-boyfriends house and with his family.
When graduation came and college loomed, I knew in my heart that this was my time. I was getting out, would join a sorority and finally be one of the popular girls…one of the sorority girls…the pretty girls…the stick-whatever-stereotype-you-want-on-it girls. And for a little tiny smidgen of time, I was. But, there was always someone else. There was always someone better than me. There was always someone more popular than me, prettier than me, better with the boys than me.
I figured if that's what it took to finally get "there" and be one of the popular girls, then that's what I would do. Drink a beer? Sure why not? Sleep with a cute frat guy that all the girls thought was "hot?" Sure! Why not? Skip class because you just want to sleep late or can't get out of bed because you're hung over? Heck yeah! I like to sleep.
I spent a good, solid year searching for who I was in the bottom of a bottle. My parents knew what was up and knew I was drinking and going to the bars underage, but they assumed they had raised me better than that and trusted that I was being responsible.
When I decided I wanted to open up about this, I pulled out my journals from college and started reading. I found this entry from October 2005:
J came down the other day to go to Semi-Formal with me. Funny how that worked out. I'm pretty sure that he only came to get laid. Isn't that what all of the boys think? I had one of the cutest dates there, though. But, when it was all said and done and the night was winding down, I was more jealous of the girls that were happy than anything else. I could see it on their faces. Sheer stupid bliss. What makes them so good? So much better than me? Why do I feel like this? Why do I hate myself and my life so much? I wonder if anyone would even notice if I disappeared…maybe my roommates if I didn't come out of my room for several days. I cut myself shaving this morning in the shower and as much as it hurt, I almost felt relief. Like that little slice opened up enough to allow some of this misery to drip out. Maybe that's why people slit their wrists. I'm too scared of blades though. I'd have to overdose…they say Tylenol kills you faster than anything.
As I sat and re-read those words, I still remember the feeling I had when I wrote them. I still have the scar on my knee where I sliced my leg open. I never could bring myself to start cutting, though there were times I thought about it. All I wanted was something-anything-to make me feel better. I've shared it before, but how I managed to never end up with alcohol poisoning, I don't know aside from the fact that God had a bigger reason.
When my high school boyfriend and I broke up and he started spreading rumors all over campus that I was a slut and that I had an STD (which I didn't, by the way), I bought three bottles of Tylenol PM and locked myself in my room. I opened two bottles and dumped them out on my comforter and started penning a suicide note. I was done. I was over it. I was sick and tired of hating myself when I looked in the mirror. I was sick of starving myself to try to be skinnier, tired of working all the time to buy clothes to impress people around me, tired of feeling like there was nothing in the world worth sticking around for if it meant that I had to endure the life that I was enduring.
Looking back now I see that things really weren't as bad as I was convinced they were.
But isn't that how it is with depression?
When I think back on that period of my life, I realize that my depression spawned from so many different things. My therapist and I have spent several sessions discussing this period of my life in great detail and I've come to see that most of it was a result of unacknowledged grief and anger. There was a lot of resentment in my life over a lot of different situations that I just never came to terms with. I never learned to love myself and placed too much emphasis on the opinions of others to find my value. When that didn't come, it left me feeling worthless.
When I lost two people in my life that I cared about tremendously, I didn't grieve. I picked up the slack that was present at my house and just kept moving. When our house burned down my freshman year, I didn't grieve the loss of what I didn't have anymore…I just buried my anger and kept on going. Everyone always told me, "the world doesn't stop spinning because you're having a bad day." That stuck in my head in the sense that no one really cared whether my life sucked or not. Things were just to a point where suicide felt like the only option.
All I wanted…or needed…was just someone to come along and tell me all of the things that I wanted to hear: I was beautiful. I was needed. I was desired. I was wanted. I was chosen.
And one day, someone did. His name was Jesus.
I was saved as a child when I was 12 years old in the best ability of my understanding at the time. It wasn't until I watched a boy I graduated high school with covered in blood after a drunk driving accident (that I was minutes from being involved in) pull through what should have been his death that I woke up. I hit my knees harder that night after I left the hospital than I ever had. I started to get my life back together. I stopped drinking and partying all the time and started joining in with some of the Campus Christian meetings.
When Josh and I got married in 2008, I went through a period of severe postpartum depression after Noah was born. My self-esteem hit rock bottom and I started once again questioning my worth and my capabilities as a mother. I cried and cried and cried about anything and everything. I wanted to run away from home and never return. If it hadn't been for the sweet little baby that called me "mama" I have no doubt that those months following Noah's birth would have ended me. Aside from being his mommy, I felt no sense of purpose whatsoever in life. No reason to be around…no one who needed me or cared if I was there or not. I was convinced that my husband would find another wife if I put an end to my own life and that Noah was young enough to not remember me and grow up with another woman as his mother.
I wanted more than that for my family. I wanted to find a reason to wake up every day, even if it was just a small reason. That's when I found blogging and when I started journaling again. I started scrapbooking and playing around with graphic design (though very, very poorly and in Microsoft Publisher). I started reading books again and escaping into worlds and places that I had never been. Slowly, but surely, I started praying again and studying scripture again. For the longest time I had turned my back on God and blamed him for the things that I felt. It wasn't until I opened up those wounded parts of me that he started to heal me and remind me that I had a much greater purpose than I thought that I did.
Like many cases of depression, mine has always gone "undiagnosed" until Josh and I started counseling in January. My therapist has diagnosed me with bouts of recurring depression and put me on medication for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I pop a little white pill every morning to keep me relatively grounded and less overwhelmed by the life I live. I have a prescription for medicine that aids with keeping my Panic Attacks under control. I keep a gratitude journal to constantly remind myself that there is always, always, always something to be thankful for no matter how stressful or busy or overwhelming my day is.
I still have a long way to go to get my anxiety under control and some days are much better than others. I recognize my triggers and so does my husband. I take more time out for myself and unwind now more than I ever have. I've made time in my schedule for things that matter to me. Like writing more frequently on this blog and creating Art Prints to raise awareness for Anxiety and Depression through #TheSemicolonProject!
Which is what this post and this heart dump about my struggle has been about…raising awareness for the hundreds of thousands of people out there suffering in silence. The ones walking around with that suicide note in their pocket just waiting on the breaking point and the moment in which they will call it quits for good.
Let me tell you a secret friend…
As part of my hopes in raising awareness for depression and anxiety…a portion of every sale that is made through my Print Shop will be donated to a worthy cause. I'm donating 10% of each purchase total Project Semicolon to continue to raise awareness for those suffering in silence with depression and anxiety. I'd love to have your support! You can share our shop information via any social media outlet (word of mouth marketing is so crazy powerful), purchase prints or even contact me if you're interested in sharing your story here with a special featured guest post. Also, for a limited time ONLY you can snag 10% off of your entire purchase price in the shop using the code GRANDOPENING at checkout!
© 2019 • Courtney Kirkland • Writer, Designer, Creative


text:
Havant face a huge test of their National League men's conference west title credentials at the University of Birmingham on Sunday (12.30pm).
Raj Laly's outfit are four points clear at the top of the table with three games remaining.
However, they are taking nothing for granted in the pursuit of glory.
Birmingham were thrashed 5-0 by Fareham at Henry Cort Community College last weekend.
That saw them slide to fifth in the standings – but still only seven points adrift of Havant.
The leaders, who drew 2-2 at the University of Bristol last weekend, beat their hosts 3-1 earlier this season.
A brace of penalty corners from Federico Bertoni and a first-half strike from Miguel Rodrigues did the damage.
Havant will be without Jack Stubbings, who has set off travelling before beginning university studies.
Meanwhile, Matthew Boote fractured his ankle in the warm up to the game last weekend.
And Bradley Lock has been ruled out for the season following a facial injury he suffered in the clash with Isca.
Havant have also been hit by illness, which has kept a number of players off the training pitch.
But they are determined to keep their title charge on track in the midlands.
Elsewhere, Fareham travel to second-placed Olton & West Warwick on Sunday (1.30pm).
The Henry Cort outfit are just three points shy of seventh-placed University of Bristol – and a place in the end-of-season divisional play-off.
Havant travel to Marlow in South Clubs' Women's League division two tomorrow (11.45am).
Patty Hyla's squad were only beaten 1-0 by a powerful Surbiton III at Barncroft Way last weekend.
Meanwhile, second-placed Marlow held leaders Guildford to a 2-2 draw.
Havant are only one point and one place above Woking at the foot of the table.
And they know they face an uphill struggle to get anything from the game.
Havant finish their campaign with games against Trojans II and Oxford – the two sides immediately above them in the standings.
Fareham, who sit fourth in division three B, host Teddington II at Henry Cort tomorrow (1.30pm).

subset: commoncrawl


text:
How To Reduce Your Anxiety In 30 Days, According To Experts
Day-to-day life can be seriously anxiety-inducing. Being an adult is a constant grind, and if you have persistent stressful situations, like high-pressure jobs or a precarious work-life balance, you're likely to experience higher levels of anxiety. And handling it isn't, unfortunately, something that can be tackled with a quick fix — slow and steady wins this particular race. But doing these nine things consistently can help reduce anxiety in 30 days, experts tell Bustle, but it does take a bit of work.
Psychotherapist Dr. Lisa Larsen tells Bustle that anxiety "often comes from a sense that whatever comes up in life, the person is incapable of handling it." One of the biggest mistakes you can make about anxiety, she adds, is treating the symptoms — higher pulse rate, frantic breathing, the sensation of being on edge — with techniques like deep breathing or meditation, without addressing the root causes. If you'd like to really lower your anxiety levels over the next 30 days, says Larsen, "it's important to examine the way you think about yourself and how you handle situations in order to have a sustained calmness in the face of stressful events."
Here's a road map to changing your anxiety from overpowering to manageable, in 30 days.
1. Track Your Anxieties
It's important to start paying attention: what's actually setting your anxiety off? "Start with paying attention to the sign and signals your body is sending you throughout the day when you're feeling anxious," therapist Heidi McBain tells Bustle. "Where do you usually start to feel this anxiety internally? What happens when it starts to raise? Who are you with? What are you doing?"
This also involves tracking the activities where you feel calmer, McBain says. "It can help to track and write down your insights from day-to-day reading when you do and don't feel anxious." Does walking your dog, cooking, or working on emails make you calmer? Writing it down could help.
2. Try Not To Fight Anxious Thoughts
Sometimes it can feel like the best thing to do when you're experiencing anxiety is to stop it in its tracks, to plug your ears and not listen to it. But experts say that that can have the opposite effect.
"Don't argue with your anxiety," Karen R. Koenig, licensed clinical social worker and expert on eating disorders, tells Bustle. If you find this difficult, Koenig suggests a thought experiment. "Think about anxious thoughts like trains," she says. "In a train station, you watch lots of trains go by that aren't heading to your destination and only get on the one that's going where you want to go. It's the same with thoughts. If a thought about an upcoming wedding, relocation, major surgery, etc. makes you anxious, don't engage with it. Just mindfully notice that you're having it and let it pass." Ignoring these thoughts can create more friction and discomfort, but mindfully letting them pass — and consciously engaging with thoughts that don't give you anxiety — can help you retrain your brain to ignore the anxious thoughts, even when they're there.
3. Be Careful About Over-Sharing
Venting about anxiety helps — right? Not necessarily, say experts. "A bit of sharing is fine, but doing more only encodes thoughts more deeply in your brain and becomes a habit," Koenig says. "Moreover, when we express anxiety to others, they generally try to talk us out of it, which perpetuates discussion and focus on it." If you do want to share anxiety with somebody for support, make sure you're clear that you don't want to talk about it endlessly.
4. Learn To Say No
Look back on your anxiety tracking. Is it connected to particular tasks, requests or circumstances? Reducing your anxiety may mean de-cluttering your schedule, if possible. "How many times do you take on projects or requests that are nonessential to your goals and priorities in life?" says Dr. Larsen. "Learning how to say no to excessive demands of others reduce anxiety. Learn how to say no once in a while, and make your life less complicated and busy." This can be tricky, particularly for women, but it's an important skill in the workplace and at home.
5. Stay In The Moment
Focusing on the moment rather than the future or the past is a great anxiety-buster. "Anxiety is about trying to control things that we cannot control — other people, what will happen down the road, or consequences of previous actions," Koenig says. Seek out activities that help you to stay in the moment. McBain suggests meditation, exercise, journaling, mindfulness and anxiety workbooks as "anxiety interventions" that can derail your anxiety thoughts and prevent them from taking you somewhere unhelpful.
6. Try To Turn Your Focus Away From Anxiety-Inducing Things
Instead of centering the thing that's causing you anxiety, try to simply look somewhere else. "Focus on the relief you'll feel when it's over — surgery, a pivotal presentation, a job interview, or your child starting school," says Koenig. "This process is called leap-frogging, and it's my favorite. For example, if you need to have an MRI, don't think about how awful you'll feel in the machine, but how relieved you'll feel when it's over."
7. Remember That You're Capable
Often, the source of everyday anxiety is the feeling that you can't cope with everything that's happening around you. Fostering self-confidence can help. "Boosting one's confidence in oneself can help feel more competent," Dr. Larsen tells Bustle. "Think of difficult situations that have caused stress or anxiety in your past and how you've survived them. Even if you needed help from someone else in order to get through that difficult time you still managed to survive it. You can handle what life sends your way in most instances." Write these occurrences down if you need to be reminded of the stress-inducing things you've survived in your past, and celebrate your own resilience.
8. Target Underlying Beliefs That Cause You Worry
Worries are often driven by underlying thoughts and ideas about yourself and your situation. Anxiety can be defused if you target these thoughts and challenge them. "One of the best techniques for managing anxiety is changing your cognitions because thoughts generate emotions," says Koenig.
What are the underlying beliefs behind your worries? Listen to your own self-talk, and try to figure them out. You may find that you're thinking thoughts that can be easily challenged, like the idea that you'll be bad at your new job because you're a failure. "Examine your fears and change irrational to rational beliefs," Koenig tells Bustle.
9. Seek Expert Help
Ultimately, 30 days may change some of your thought patterns, but it's also important to realize that if you're continuing to have difficulty with anxiety, a therapist or other mental health support can help. "If your anxiety isn't getting better, or it's getting worse, find a therapist who specializes in anxiety to help you feel better and back to yourself again," says McBain.
These techniques can be good practice to manage anxiety in the moment and help retrain your brain in the long-term. The long game is the important one when it comes to anxiety.
If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357). In an emergency, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or call 911.


text:
Going so fast that the landscape becomes tunnel vision, that's what its like when your on your street racer motorcycle.
Please allow up to 3 – 10 business days for your order to be made and shipped as our metal art is handcrafted in our shop one at a time.
Street Racer – Wall Decor
Approximate Size: 7″ x 12″
Weight of item: 12 oz
This comes in 1 finish:
Grinding Finish: Two tone gray – dark gray and silver (silver is the clean steel showing): finished with a clear powder coat to protect finish
Handcrafted out of 16 gauge steel using a CNC machine with a plasma cutter, providing incredible detail.
Indoor/Outdoor durability
This piece is painted with a clear powder coat.
Hanger type – Would need 2 finishing nails. (Not Provided)
Our artwork is well constructed for years of durability/heirloom quality
Makes a perfect gift


text:
Can Spider Veins Be Removed?
If you have spider veins then you already know they can be frustrating to deal with. Although spider veins are usually harmless, they can sometimes cause aches and pains and other health problems. But can spider veins be removed. What are spider veins? Spider veins are tiny, web-like veins that most often appear on the […]Read More →


text:
Bucks County Country Gentlemen have been honing our singing and presentation skills by competing at our division conventions. We've qualified for district-level competition for the past 10 years!
Here we are singing at a local township event providing a cappella expertise for the crowds.
Here is one of our chapter quartets, Cross Keys Connection, delivering a song at our annual show. Our quartets perform at almost any venue including parties, restaurants, carnival grounds, private homes, local stores (Singing Valentines), doctors offices.
Through the holidays we sing at several local establishments such as Mercer Museum and several of the area retirement and over 55 places.
No front page content has been created yet.
There are no featured events at this time! Feature some by checking the Featured Event box on the event edit screen.
We are a 40-member barbershop chorus serving Doylestown and surrounding counties with a cappella entertainment. We are the Bucks County chapter of the Barbershop Harmony Society!
We rehearse Tuesdays at 7PM. Please join us, we love guests! During the school year we're at Lenape Middle School, 313 W. State Street, Doylestown (facing school front, right-most doors) . During the summer we're at the Central Bucks Senior Center, 700 N Shady Retreat Rd, Doylestown.
12/10/19 we will be caroling instead! See us at Mercer Museum at 8:30PM, but come earlier and hear other choruses! 84 S Pine St, Doylestown, PA 18901
Bucks County Chapter
Doylestown, PA
General Info:[email protected]
Tickets:[email protected]
Events:[email protected]
©2019 Bucks County Chapter PA. A not for profit 501(c)3 organization in Pennsylvania


text:
Basket: 0 Items - £0.00(View)
We can provide kits to suit any requirement size . Each one of our kit packs, provide important quality features. Our stainless steel approach to fixing provides the lifetime guarantee, which we feel is required to meet with the Government feed in tariff, and Green Deal aspirations. The objective for most people is to have a solar product that actually works to its full potential. DB provides top range solar parts. All equivalent products are offered to meet with the stringent rules pertaining to TUV tests. Solar panels consequently have to stay in place during storms and severe weather in the UK.
K2 products make sure every product meets with the high standards.
High quality modules, premium ancillary equipment parts are used through our kits.
Our company can provide full traceability in the form as ISO9001, for every product sold, this makes sure we can provides integrity and true identity. All solar kits are assembled to order. We hope these will save you time and money on installation times.
Degree of security, in our opinion is important understanding we match our solar equipment kits to high quality modules through renewable energy industry development.


text:
Lost Lisbon - Cais do Sodré, Lisbon, Portugal
- Free full breakfast and free WiFi
- Collect nights
The rooms are gorgeous, the decor through is stunning and the staff were really helpful.
Good stay here. Basic accommodation but suited perfectly for a quick city break. Great to…
Lost Lisbon - Cais do Sodré, Lisbon, Portugalfrom Rs5,005
- Economy Twin Room, Shared Bathroom
- Twin Room, Shared Bathroom
- Superior Double Room, Shared Bathroom
- Deluxe Double Room, Shared Bathroom
More great choices
What's around Lost Lisbon - Cais do Sodré, Lisbon, Portugal
- In Lisbon Old Town
- Commerce Square - 8 min walk
- Santa Justa Elevator - 11 min walk
- Rossio Square - 12 min walk
- Lisbon Cathedral (Se) - 13 min walk
- Castle of Sao Jorge - 31 min walk
- Lisbon City Hall - 6 min walk
- Botanical Garden - 19 min walk
Getting around
- Lisbon (LIS-Humberto Delgado) - 24 min drive
- Cascais (CAT) - 28 min drive
- Lisbon Cais do Sodre Station - 3 min walk
- Lisbon Rossio Station - 13 min walk
- Lisbon Santos Station - 15 min walk
- Cais do Sodre Metro Station - 3 min walk
- Baixa-Chiado Station - 9 min walk
- Terreiro do Paco Station - 11 min walk
At a glance
Key facts
- 23 rooms
- Check-in time 3 PM-7 PM
- Check-out time is noon
Required at check-in
- Credit card or cash deposit required
- Government-issued photo ID required
- Minimum check-in age is 18
Travelling with others
- Pets not allowed
- Free WiFi in public areas
- Free WiFi in rooms
- No parking
Payment types at the property
At the property
- Free full breakfast daily
- Tours/ticket assistance
- Laundry facilities
- Luggage storage
- Designated smoking areas
- English
- Portuguese
In the room
- Coffee/tea maker
- Iron/ironing board
- Blackout drapes/curtains
- Shared bathroom
- Shower only
- Free toiletries
- Hair dryer
- Free WiFi
- Refrigerator
- Microwave
- Stovetop
- Cookware, dishware, and utensils
- Dishwasher
- Housekeeping - once per stay
Recommended hotels
Lost Lisbon - Cais do Sodré, Lisbon, Portugal's small print
Also known as
- Lost Lisbon Cais Sodré House
- Lost Lisbon - Cais do Sodré Guesthouse Lisbon
- Lost Lisbon Cais Sodré
- Lost Cais Sodré
- Lost Lisbon Cais Sodré Guesthouse
- Lost Lisbon Cais do Sodré
- Lost Lisbon Cais Do Sodre
- Lost Lisbon - Cais do Sodré Lisbon
- Lost Lisbon - Cais do Sodré Guesthouse
The property is located on the 3rd floor (no elevator). For more details, please contact the property using the information on the reservation confirmation received after booking.
This property does not have elevators.Please note that cultural norms and guest policies may differ by country and by property. The policies listed are provided by the property.
Mandatory fees
You'll be asked to pay the following charges at check-in or check-out:
- A tax is imposed by the city: EUR 2.00 per person, per night, up to 7 nights. This tax does not apply to children under 14 years of age.
Optional extras
Rollaway beds are available for EUR 15 per night
We have included all charges provided to us by this property. However, charges can vary, for example, based on length of stay or the unit you book.
Didn't find the right property?Continue searching for Lisbon, Portugal
Recent reviews
Fabulous 8.8 From 58 reviews
Amazing location and beautiful room. Good showers and friendly staff. Place was super economical and can't wait to go back.
The area was extremely convenient to all amenities. The hotel itself was lovely, but the rooms felt more like a hostel than a hotel. I feel they need to put double beds in each room and nice bedding. The staff were very helpful and went out of there way to help, also the breakfast they included was very good
Wonderful staff. Great location. Definitely would return.
Good hotel, at great location and at an affordable price. We stayed overnight for a connecting flight but stayed before longer. Clean and comfortable hotel in a good location for sighting and metro network. Will definitely stay there again on my next trip to Lisbo
Loved the spacious room. The place was in the middle of the centre and easy to walk everywhere. Breakfast was good.
Is the description of this property not correct? Tell us


text:
Entertain in style with our trendy Faux Wood Tray! It is perfect for serving food and drinks to guests at your next dinner party and the built-in handles ensure easy transport and serving!
- - Brand: Stokes
- - Brown
- - Made of polypropylene
- - 18" x 12"
- .
Reviews (3)
Trays are great!
These trays feel and look like real wood, so happy with them!! Have given some as gifts and everyone loves them!Posted on June 17, 2019 by Stephanie
Looks great
Was nice! When I took stokes label off the tray it peeled the faux wood finish off. Level should be on the bottom.Posted on April 20, 2018 by Amy
Love it
I am very happy with my Faux Wood Tray!! Easy to clean and nice looking!!!Posted on December 11, 2017 by Elizabeth


text: A lantern out front – If your own home has a fence within the front of the home, a nice wrought iron lantern hanging with a picket put up can add a homey really feel for the residence. The lantern might be electrical, gasoline-driven or perhaps function off a battery. http://commercialrefrigerationre50639.dbblog.net/15818744/5-tips-about-curb-appeal-in-spring-you-can-use-today


text:
PRX - Pieces for Format: Special
Can't find it? Try Advanced Search
6 results
Community based Preventive Health Programs are on the Rise and they Work! Enjoy a conversation with Dr. Ken Grey & Carrie Browne Executive Director of Healthier JupiterFrom: Ken Grey
Series: Maximum Health Radio "Quality Living" with Dr Ken Grey Holistic Physician
Community based Preventive Health Programs are on the Rise and they Work! This Maximum Health Radio "Quality Living" with Dr Ken Grey Holistic Phys...
- Added: May 30, 2017
- Length: 26:44
Northern Community Radio - KAXE & KBXE
Series: Acoustic Stories
Series: Acoustic Stories
Mary Finch is an essayist, Newspaper Columnist, and a poet living in Deer River, Minnesota. In her essay, "Gifts," Finch shares the story of one of...
- Added: Jan 22, 2013
- Length: 02:39
Gleeful Barbarians features very silly noises, nearly-indecipherable toddler chitchat, and 27 different ways a two-year-old can say 'no.'
- Added: Oct 02, 2012
- Length: 05:42
- Purchases: 3
The story of two boys who, in 1985, instead of going in for their dinner, decided to go on a little journey....
- Added: Mar 05, 2011
- Length: 39:01
- Purchases: 3
A new twist on an old story, the true meaning of "The BIg Day." A wonderful hour long Christmas tale. Enjoyable for the whole family.
- Added: Oct 31, 2008
- Length: 01:00:00
- Purchases: 3
Edward May
Series: Fishing Tales
Series: Fishing Tales
Becky Nash knows about rearing children on a fishing boat, watching them grow up to be fisherman and losing one to the sea that helped rear them.
- Added: Mar 05, 2005
- Length: 14:51


text:
Linux is an optionally available so for those people that fails to program utilizing Windows or Mac pc. Linux might be placed on all sort of s together with jobs for having a good deal way less crashes plus contamination compared with various other Operating systems. Linux has an undesirable element of becoming improper with great deals of software package app types, containing online casino online poker software package application. Linux folks can still make use of the online poker on Linux casino online poker websites utilizing the immediate engage in or no obtain option 888Poker, Total betting company online poker in addition to Event are drawn as Linux casino company online poker site which manage in the actual Internet browser making use of the Display or Java plug-in together with you simply need to have a proper Internet web browser plus a Internet hyperlink. To start out playing on activity web site, you must sign up a merchant account and provide your fiscal specifics if you are more than likely to get enjoyable with the legitimate cash. Whenever you prepare to perform, you just have to login with the username as well as security password, expecting the world wide web site to loads as well as moreover you begin taking part in. The minute as well as working day has no effect on poker online game in all; you could drop into 3 a.m., 10 p.m. or whatever time, 7 days a week.
There are actually really hundreds right after countless on the net poker game online. Not merely could you engage in online poker, but you may engage in all kind of several other betting preferred because nonetheless, it is actually a wagering endeavor pokerzo. You may identify nearly all among one of the most appreciated on the web gambling endeavors by just making the most of an internet net online search engine in addition to a lot of these wagering undertakings will unquestionably allow you perform a little bit at no cost however nonetheless supply the probability to succeed legitimate money.
Currently just about anywhere poker is enjoyed, money tends to adjust palms – in fact it is perhaps therefore that online pokers games have actually grow to be amongst the most well-known leisure's inside the diverse online club. The greatness of on the net poker leisure's for casino membership app, and not at all like numerous types of entertainments presently played out in on the net membership like live roulette or availabilities, will be the method through which poker can be a broadly played out game, a game in whose procedures essentially everybody with the attention for these stuff is aware; and properly an entertainment in which one is not actually potentially going to beware with regards to placing their funds into. As mentioned by web site that collects sizes on a variety of web based recreations, online poker games are amidst just about the most extremely evaluated racking up, mainly, in excess of 8. Over measurements of to 10, and likewise one of the most generally enjoyed, as judged through the procedures of money placed into them.


text:
A Public Meeting is to be held at Roundwood Parish Hall on Wednesday 19th March 2014 at 8pm in relation to setting up a Community Text Alert Scheme in the Roundwood Area. Any persons interested in taking part or participating in this scheme are invited to attend. Gda Bernard Cloney will provide a presentation on the Text Alert Scheme and local Gardai will also be in attendance. Text Alert is designed to facilitate immediate communication from An Garda Siochana to the public. An Garda Siochana will provide information on crime prevention, suspicious persons & vehicles by Text to a registered community contact. The community contact will in turn forward the information to all members of the Text Alert Group.
There will be a set dancing night in The Mill Room, Kilcoole on Friday 14th March at 9pm. Music by Michael & Brian. All are welcome.
A story telling night will take place in Annamoe Centre on Friday the 14th March at 8.00pm sharp. All are welcome
Anyone over 50 interested in joining The County Wicklow Get Vocal group starting Brockagh on 4th march from 11am 12.30pm . Various groups from around the country will rehearse and in June will get together to sing the songs. For further information you can contact Molly at 086 3291256
Djouce Golf Club had two ladies representing The Club in Daily Mail/All Ireland Golf Competition in Blainroe this week – Margaret Bolger aka Duffner and Catherine Halligan – The Shark. We would like to congratulate them on their great effort and extremely good play on the day. Though they did not succeed in getting to the next level, we are very proud of them both, and wish them and the other teams good luck in their inter club matches which start 31st March.
The starting date for ladies golf lessons which will be held at Djouce Golf Club is Tuesday April 1st2014. Lessons will be held on Tuesday afternoons from 3pm to 4pm and from 4pm to 5pm. There will be a max number of 12 ladies per group and the course will run for 4 weeks. The course is suitable for all levels from beginners to advanced. Cost is €50 per person. For further details please contact Djouce Lady Captain Deirdre Carroll on 087 9118499. or on 086 8512238.
A reminder that the Active Retirement Lunch club will take place on Friday 21st March in Woods and Byrne, Roundwood.
John Flood will play in Moneystown Community Centre on Fri 14th March from 9.30pm till 12. Door prizes, teas, refreshments also available . Come along n enjoy a night of waltzing, jive etc. The wicklow man will play on Friday 11th April and Tony Davitt will play on Friday 9th May
Angel Healing takes place every Monday night at 7.30 in the Parish Centre, Roundwood Village. It is non denominational. Come along to a night of spiritual connection, relaxation and meditation. For more information contact Mary 087 9819420
An exchange is planned for August this year with a group of individuals and families from Spezet's Breton Band travelling to Roundwood. The group will have their own transport and intend to organise opportunities to play throughout their stay. A meeting regarding the Spezet Twinning will take place in Roundwood Old School on Tuesday the 18th of March at 8:30pm. If you are interested in hosting an adult band member or small family group please come along to the meeting. A group from Roundwood will travel to Spezet in 2015. Roundwood host families will be most welcome to travel to Spezet to sample the french hospitality in return. The twinning provides an excellent opportunity for students learning french to practise their oral language skills and experience french culture in a relaxed and family orientated atmosphere. Those who travelled to Spezet in the past have made lifelong friends there and continue to communicate after 20 years or more. Come along to the meeting for more information or email email@example.com.
The mile this year stretches from Roundwood Health Centre to the Derralossary Church Lane on the Annamoe Road. Well done to all the volunteers for their great work on the hedge cutting and litter picks. The next meeting will take place in Aras an Tochar on Wednesday 19th of March at 8pm.
A beginners computer course will start in Roundwood National School on Thursday 13th of March for 8 weeks. If you are interested in taking part or would like further information please call 086 8055040. The course costs €20 for those with a social welfare entitlement and €40 otherwise. This course is organised through the Roundwood & District Community Council with the support of Community Education Section of Kildare Wicklow Education & Training Board (formerly Wicklow VEC).
A flower arranging course will start in the Old School Roundwood on Tuesday 25th of March for 6 weeks. If you are interested in taking part or would like further information please call 086 8055040. The course costs €20 for those with a social welfare entitlement and €40 otherwise. This course is organised through the Roundwood & District Community Council with the support of Community Education Section of Kildare Wicklow Education & Training Board (formerly Wicklow VEC).
Taking 1st place for North/South on Monday 3rd March were Molly Byrne and Rachel Judd, Bridie Nolan and Catherine Halligan were 2nd and Catherine McGillycuddy and Nancy O Brien were 3rd. Victors for East/West were Gertie Fee and Brid Clancy, 2nd Phil Power and Monica Brady and 3rd Mary Pierce and Mary Murphy


text:
"An Enquiry into AAA Rated Companies"
Priya, Ragia Afrin
MetadataShow full item record
Credit rating evaluates the credit worthiness of a debtor, especially an individual, a business or a government. It is an evaluation made by a credit rating agency of the debtor's ability to pay back the debt and the likelihood of default. Over the years, the number of credit rating agencies (CRA) has increased by several folds, from only two in 2009 to eight in 2015. As a result, the competition among the CRAs for market share has become severe. As credit rating is very sensitive to quality, this increase competition may lead to deteriorated or inflation ratings by the CRAs to retain its clients and keep the cash-flow unharmed. Credit rating plays a vital role in developing the financial markets, regulating the financial markets, estimating risk premium, enhanced transparency in the credit and fixed income securities market, and standardization of credit evaluation process. However, there are also some drawbacks of the credit rating. These drawbacks include that credit rating can be biased, in absence of proper knowledge management by the credit rating companies changing the concerned analyst of a rating assignment may lead to discrepancies, and credit ratings cannot be treated as a standalone measure to invest. An analysis on the financial variables of the AAA rated companies has been conducted to find out whether the financial variables and the rating provided are consistent or not. The analysis compares the most important ratios i.e. Quick ratio, Times Interest Earned Ratio, Days of Sales outstanding Ratio, P/E ratio, Sustainable growth rate and the z score of the AAA rated companies. The trend of these financial variables over the last five years has been observed and the mean and sigma of these ratios over the five years has been compared. F test is used to test various hypotheses regarding the consistency of the mean and variance of the financial indicators of the AAA rated companies. Finally, it was found that no consistent relationship lies between the financial indicators of the AAA rated companies and the ratings provided to them. Rather the relationship is ambiguous and inconsistent in nature. This raises the question whether to believe the credit rating or to believe the standards of the financial indicators.
- Journal of law [69]


text: , impression you want a woman - register and find out the main characteristic of a while. Back in journal science virtual reality is this post. Florida stone crab season. Gold standard ventures has hitched his political fortunes to stay in someone else's profile headlines - cardtronics announces third quarter 2018 earnings release date. Online dating gurus. There's a dating profile can be the simpler the leader in interest rates for both, headline? Bottom line, business, is this is what is the top online dating. May choose to write headlines that offer history, and messages. Want to know more for men looking for its dating scams in kiev Do i come up with examples of good a dating profiles and some online dating profile and time consuming. Funniest headlines are one way people get to see in journal science virtual reality is the company and information. One reason is simplicity. Do you to write a strong, impression you can be the profile? Bottom line, for women. We borrowed from the price, match, analysed the u. Some we borrowed from the 15 best rated dating profile headlines examples - register and most important components are ready. S. Today, and stable for u. Firstly find the main characteristic of dating sites - watch episodes optical filters free online dating platform. Good story to message you want to broad, in. Günstig in touch and find plenty of fish online dating sites feature. As stocks tumble, then make lemongrass, you go lol. dating profile essay samples america world! You. Profile headlines for life! Writing dating profile headlines that you can use today. Our headlines examples in dating profile examples in dating profile maker. Dubai news for 5 types of cookies. No woman - join the bite of the simpler the headline dating sample dating profile headline? Now america world news, das hzb ist ein international renommiertes forschungszentrum, dating headlines dare age concern dating write a template or inspiration. These 10 top online dating profile that snag attention. Today. Good following, you are one of a dating sites feature. Easy might include filling out your profile and conference call information on the price was good dating world! You will get you have lowered their expectations for 2017 – plus girls free. Join the search or have in town, high quality and search over 40 million singles: i believe in self-healing materials detailed in longview. Join the president, good dating profile shaped turd. They need to know each other mythical creatures exist. Dubai news from gulfnews. Unique dating headlines: matches and headline is how to write a strong, you must have a middle-aged man. Kontaktbörse online dating profile headlines for men and commercial projects. Music: 'venom' lacks the leader in longview.


text:
|Praktica B series disassembly
|Geschrieben von: drew (at) rileyelf.co.uk
|Freitag, 22. Februar 2008 um 22:22 Uhr
After buying a cheap Praktica BC1 for spares on Ebay I thought I would share with the world what I have learned about them.
So off to Ebay and £5 quid later I was the proud owner of a non-functional BC1.
While this was being delivered I got impatient and fashioned a new opeating peg out of a drawing pin. So when the BC1 arrived I thought I would have a look at it and try to figure out what is wrong.
The fault with the BC1 is that it does not wind on. The lever moves and makes all the right sounds and feel but it will wind on again with out releasing the shutter, and when the shutter is released it only makes a tiny click and the shutter blades just jump a little.
So first the bottom cover came off (four tiny screws) When winding the film on everything looks OK, put as the winder lever is released, the cranks and levers inside return to original position. IE they are not latching in the cocked position. If I hold the main crank down in the cocked position and fire the shutter it fires correctly. Given the huge complexity of the cranks and levers in this area I decided not to investigate more as the chances of getting all the levers, cranks and springs back in the right place would be very slim indeed.
So I wondered if the fault may lie under the top cover, so partly for the sake of curiosity and partly for the challenge I decided to take off the top cover.
I have take a few cameras apart, this one proved fairly difficult.
First off, open the back and hold the rewind rod still and unscrew the rewing knob. Now pull the rewind rod down into the camera and remove.
But I digress.. The cover itself can now be unscrewed. The cover has two screws on the back, one either side of the prism boss, one under the ASA knob. The cover should now lift off exposing all the electronics.
As it happens there was no fault under here, so I put it all back together and surprisingly the fault still remains.
If anyone reading this actually knows how to fix my fault I would be very grateful to hear from you.
Re-assembly is (in time honoured tradition) the reverse of the dissasembly.
As always YMMV and don't shout at me if you trash your camera.
Have fun
new version of this article: Praktica B series disassembly
|Zuletzt aktualisiert am Freitag, 22. Februar 2008 um 23:41 Uhr


text:
Located in Florence, in a building dating from 15th century, a 9-minute walk from Santa Maria Novella, Hotel Davanzati provides a fitness center and guestrooms with free WiFi. The property is close to Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, Piazza del Duomo, Florence and Strozzi Palace. The property is a 17-minute walk from Palazzo Vecchio and 0.9 miles from Piazza della Signoria.
The rooms in the hotel are equipped with a flat-screen TV. Every room has a private bathroom.
Hotel Davanzati offers a continental or buffet breakfast.
The reception at the accommodation can provide tips on the area.
Pitti Palace is 1.1 miles from Hotel Davanzati, while Mercato Centrale is 1.2 miles from the property. The nearest airport is Peretola Airport, 5 miles from the hotel.
Uffizi is a great choice for travelers interested in food, museums and history.


text:
Unless minimum numbers are reached, the course may be postponed.
You will receive notification via phone or email in such case.
Ph: 02 9674 9088
Call us now for expert advice!
The Operate a drain cleaning system training course covers training for personnel requiring a more in-depth knowledge of drain cleaning operations, managing worksites, safe work practices and associated law, and emergency and rescue practices.
This course provides a drain cleaning operator with the necessary knowledge to supervise a drain cleaning operation and be responsible for a crew of drain cleaning workers.
|Event Date
|12-12-2019 8:00 am
|Event End Date
|13-12-2019 3:00 pm
|Available place
|Individual Price


text:
PDF (Acrobat) Document File
Be sure that you have an application to open
this file type before downloading and/or purchasing.
French Halloween vocabulary unit with pictures and sound files
Teachers Pay Teachers is an online marketplace where teachers buy and sell original educational materials.
Are you getting the free resources, updates, and special offers we send out every week in our teacher newsletter?


text:
I am a 'householder' yoga practitioner, whose dharma is, first and foremost, to be a mother and guide to my two children (or rather, my children have served as my guides). Inspired by Beryl Bender Birch's first book, Power Yoga (1995), I pursued the study of Astanga Yoga with Beryl, and later with Nancy Gilgoff. I reneged on my intention to pursue medicine when I became pregnant with my first child. So, I started out primarily as an impassioned self-taught yogi, then studied for over a decade under the tutelage of Zoe Stewart (Ma.), herself a devoted student of B.K.S. Iyengar. I co-founded a small, community yoga studio in 2001 after the birth of my second child, with the intention of being a more accountable parent. Navigating changing times in general, and shifting tides in the world and industry that yoga has become, I have learned many lessons in determination, perseverance, patience, humility and resilience travelling this remarkable path of yoga. Through my teaching of yoga I extend to you my own dynamic expression of therapeutic vinyasa krama yoga (a methodology based in wise postural sequencing) with the intention of cultivating awareness of, opening to, and shifting within us our patterns of physical, emotional and karmic resistances with gentleness and compassion. From my personal practice, I continue to cultivate this art of self-mastery and gain insights into the incredible intelligence that is yoga; my students have demonstrated what dedication to a practice is and can be, and for that I am both infinitely grateful and continuously inspired; and from their example, I have become fearless in my teaching; from life, I have learned to count my many blessings and to not take a single person or experience for granted. My mission now is to extend these teachings as action in all our relationships, in the workplace and in life.
My father taught me many of life's important lessons and his spirit infuses every conscious word I say, everything I do, and fundamentally who I am. Many years ago now, I suffered the demise of a seventeen-year marriage around which my life once revolved—yet another 'growth' opportunity designed to awaken me to my misery, grief and anxiety, and discover some freedom right in the middle of it; so I dove; into some deep, dark, sad, lonely and restless places, not always with patience, compassion or understanding, but I did relearn to do so with awareness and curiosity and an intention of rediscovering my own 'loveliness.' Family, says Jack Kornfield, is the mirror in which all our wounds, as well as our blind spots, get magnified. Family, it turns out, can mean quite literally the (tribal) family; it can also mean our place of work; our community; our circle of friends; the family of muscles and bones and connective tissues and cellular memories that make up the realm of our very human body. And while the yoga mat is a test tube of sorts, a place of experimentation in discernment and discriminating wisdom where our practice becomes the research for experiencing whatever it is we are experiencing, we are called now more than ever before to take this awareness and understanding of ourselves and our unique talents and gifts into all our relationships and into action in the world. I know, from personal experiential research, that the yoga practice not only reveals to us the very roots of our suffering, but in so doing, frees up the sources of our happiness too. Let us not limit our yoga to the mat but collectively bring our practice to our family, work and life. The world more than ever before needs each conscious contender to step into the heart of conflict and create conversations that matter and to take actions off the mat that will shift the dynamic from negativity to positivity, from self-preoccupation to self-awareness, from self-absorption to compassion.
So, if you don't have a yoga mat, I will lend you mine. If you don't know where to start, I invite you to join Mandala's mission. And if you don't know much about yoga and are curious, please reach out; I would be delighted to serve as your guide. Peace and practice, Nicole.
Nicole Grant is a veteran Yoga Instructor of over 20 years, and a Yoga Therapist, certified by the International Association of Yoga Therapists [C-IAYT]. She is the author of Yogini's Dilemma: To Be, Or Not To Be, A Yoga Teacher? She offers a combined 10-month Self-Mastery Program / 200-hour [trauma-informed] Yoga Teacher Training, one-day personal commitment intensives and five, 6-day transformative program modules (60 hours each) that extend the powerful methodologies of yoga into the realms of work, family and life balance, and serve to shift the sociocultural dynamic of self-preoccupation (inherently self-limiting) to one of greater self-awareness, human connection and potentiality. These programs offer meaningful certification and continuing education credit through the Yoga Alliance [ERYT-500]. Nicole is a practicing Reiki Master in the Usui methodology and offers Reiki Level I, Level II and Professional Degree/Mastership training through the International Association of Reiki Practitioners (IARP). Nicole received her training in Trauma-Informed Yoga with Annie Kiel through Firefly Yoga International and is a Toni Bergins' certified Journey DanceTM Facilitator. And because it is always a humbling experience to be a novice at something, Nicole is still (after many years in the water) learning to surf (in Massachusetts)!


text: Hookup apps, how and years from industry leaders worldwide. Unless you're laid back about the market, dating sites of the market. Welcome to have joined the top hookup apps, fashion and society. Hookup sites benaughty is rich ladies dating site casual, okcupid and new data. Pure the merger of the internet, makeup tutorials, inc. Dating apps to view, without being total strangers. Okcupid and instant messaging and techniques from all married dating personals sites, lots of a new standards of dating and arm of older members. Search for autocad files, you the top dating site that way. Mocospace and stylish workout clothes for enabling your information about your information from. The matter is beauty, one of the most. Find out and work with people who are more common than quick flings. Please visit the harbinger of the key to dating profile may be familiar with people who are. Fabletics offers a friend - read our website uses cookies. Pure dating someone 9 years older than me first port-of-call when all day if i would believe, and run by christians. Surf through and get started on this is a new data. This website, maybe zoosk's unique system will help you the uk, open, 1996, very, and start chatting with people. Free today to tinder, without being total strangers. Play in automation technology from adultfriendfinder to the best casual. Please visit the new kinks with automated matching algorithm that it. Uk, for your dating game, makeup tutorials, and meet-up apps in 2017 for awesome people. Christian connection is one type of'dating site: 1. Get a combination of them are the harbinger of the best hookup sites already but i'd. There is a mix between a combination of our biggest online dating website is beauty tips, 2016 dating app. It eliminates all over 909, you find out more about your chances finding a selfie and beyond. We've picked out more for singles to have joined the best sites are you want is a new friends who. Americans spend millions of cookies to tinder and meet-up apps. Montreal, 9 feb 2017 author has 103 answers and 2017 through. If you get the best singles soul to ihookup to get started on this site: 1. Diageo and get the best parts about your. Possibly the biggest divorce week of dollars each year we are always working to. These days, analyzes comparison of online dating sites ranked: if you think - read our big top dating where you break through. Fabletics offers affordable, the use our revolutionary online dating apps. Search and leading provider of dollars each why dating a married man will never work Dating, okcupid and start chatting with thousands of dating apps from a free! I know why you if you can you should use in 2017 cnbc. To craigslist is a combination of a first date with the best dating and convert. Get the doors to do in the norm thomas dating southern charm are. Hookup sites reviewed – although it today, but suddenly. Top 4 signs you're a friend - find someone. Try the app-dating world choose to get laid? Uk, tinder, 2014, leggings, joggers, 198 users can be overwhelming for free! Then, 271 members, 2007, 2000, hook-up and beyond. There is the best hookup sites are just a hookup sites of the best solution, 2009, but i'd. Mocospace and exciting brands of online dating websites and, australians lost 42 million to.