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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, April 1 ______________________________________________________ Today, April 1 in 1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Family walks in on man sexually battering 6-year-old. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. --- Margaret Mead (1901 - 1978) You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ This guy was walking along the beach when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared. This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes. "I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. "Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish." "Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile." "That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish. The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl-- nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind. "Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later." "Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp. The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears. After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio. "Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener..." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terrelle Cole Jr., 25, New Port Richey, Florida Family walks in on man sexually battering 6-year-old. A New Port Richey man is behind bars after officers say a family member walked in on a man sexually battering their 6-year-old daughter. According to police Terrelle Cole Jr., 25, was sexually battering the child until a family member walked in causing Cole to flee the scene. New Port Richey police say a statewide lookout was issued for Cole due to information of him potentially leaving the state. Cole was later located by the Pasco County Sheriff's Office driving near the Suncoast Parkway and State Road 52. Cole was charged with Sexual Battery on a Victim Under the Age Of 12.
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From: Elvira Re: How do I switch from Windos to Linux? Dear DearWebby I am going to switch the entire office to Linux. We had to get all new machines and they are all W10. W10 is ridiculous and everything takes a lot longer to get done. How do we go about the switch to Linux? Elvira Dear Elvira You can get "Linux on a stick", that you plug into a USB port. It works OK, especially if you use Open Office or Office Libre. It is considerably faster than Windows. Find a local penguin (Linux user), who is willing to do some consulting and question answering while you switch over. Ideally, of course, would be an existing employee, preferably the one, who recommended Linux. Linux is not more difficult, just different. It is like changing from small gasoline engines to big Diesel engines. That is why almost 100% of servers run on Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby
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I had a secretary who claimed that she liked to live like she types: Fast and with lots of mistakes.
Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next door to St. Joseph's Church. After March 31, Cleanliness Is Next to Godliness.' ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Flashlights that Don't Require Batteries Keep a flashlight in your house that doesn't require batteries. You can buy flashlights that can be charged by winding them up or shaking them. If you run out of batteries, you won't be left in the dark if there is a power outage. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ >From Louise No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the seat with much elan and style, and accidentally kicked her right in the chin. ___________________________________________________ >From Jean Jose and Carlos are panhandlers... They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?". Jose says,... "Look at your sign, what does it say"? Carlos sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'." Jose says "No wonder you only get 2-3 dollars". Carlos says... "So what does your sign say"? Jose shows Carlos his sign...it reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico". ___________________________________________________
Stunning Early Entries of the 2019 Sony World Photography Awards
After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today April 1 in 0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland and captured the small town of Briel. 1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with Native Americans. 1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$" symbol. 1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a regular salary. 1864 The first travel accident policy was issued to James Batterson by the Travelers Insurance Company. 1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E. Lee began his final offensive. 1867 Blacks voted in the municipal election in Tuscumbia, AL. 1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia killing 547. 1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony of Kenya. 1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air Force. 1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by His Master's Voice. 1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800 feet over Los Angeles, CA. 1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 1931 Jackie Mitchell became the first female in professional baseball when she signed with the Chattanooga Baseball Club. 1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish businesses. 1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 1937 Aden became a British colony. 1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were introduced. 1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of Spanish civil war. 1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the last campaign of World War II. 1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more than 170 people. 1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under Italian administration. 1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai massacre. 1970 U.S. President Nixon signed the bill, the Public Health Cigarette Smoking Act, that banned cigarette advertisements to be effective on January 1, 1971. 1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive in South Vietnam. 1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 1976 Apple Computer began operations. 1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the Irish Sea. 1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the world. The walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 1987 U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be barred from serving due to their race. 1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history of the National Hockey League (NHL). 1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced to death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of the killings occurred in a 6-month period. 1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and coveres about 772,000 square miles. 2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing after an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April 11, 2001. 2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested on corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police at his Belgrade villa. 2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast. 2003 Jason Mewes was ordered to complete drug rehabilitation or face five years in jail stemming from a drug conviction in 1999. 2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during an assault on a pregnant woman. 2004 Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of its 188 stores on April 9. 2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to physicians by 21%. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, March 31 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 31 in 1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Child rapist found back in Kansas nine days after he was deported ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. --- Herb Caen I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with you?", he asks. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead ?" "Neither. Her father is bald." ______________________________________________________ Tufted Coquette Hummingbird _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Simon Rochel-Cervantes, 46, in a jail in Kansas Child rapist found back in Kansas nine days after he was deported A man convicted in the rape of a child under the age 14 and deported in February is back in a Kansas jail. According to the Kansas Department of Corrections, Simon Rochel- Cervantes, 46, a citizen of Mexico, spent 7-years in the Ellsworth Correctional Facility for the rape and aggravated intimidation of a witness. He was released and deported on February 19. On March 5, he was found in Sedgwick County, according to a media release from the United State Attorney. Rochel-Cervantes is charged with unlawfully re-entering the United States after being deported. If convicted, he faces up to two years in federal prison and a fine up to $250,000. Immigration and Customs Enforcement HSI investigated.
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From: Mike Re: Cellphone cooking Dear DearWebby Here is one for you. Is this fake or real? http://www.koreus.com/video/telephone-p ... pcorn.html Mike Alice Dear Mike The behavior of drivers with cell phones aside their heads would definitely prove that cell phones do something to their heads. However, to actually pop popcorn, you would probably have to slightly modify the phones by replacing the omnidirectional antenna with a directional one, and by shorting across the output limiter. I doubt very much that you can pop popcorn with unmodified cell phones. I don't use cell phones, so you will just have to try yourself. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My violin teacher was teaching a large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made in the early 1800s." Someone in the audience raised their hand and asked, "So, you got it used?"
Thanks to Tina for this story: My son was in the process of bineg potty trained. One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. I asked, "Did you have an accident?". Yes, he replied. Well, what did you do, water the trees, the bushes,...? "Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage." Shocked, I responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that. It will start to stink, draw flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage." My son replied happily, " But Mom, it's OK ! I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jill's garage!!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Yard Sales - Setting Up Your Merchandise Set up as many tables as you can and lay items out, grouping like items together. You can make your own tables by using saw horses as legs and old doors or large pieces of plywood as the table top. The best way to display clothing is to hang them. You can create a lot of hanging space by securing a rope between two trees. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A Stanford research group advertised for participants in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 responses about three days after the ad came out. All from the same person. ___________________________________________________ Mary Sue passed away in the middle of the night, so her husband, Bubba, called 911. The operator answering the call said they would be sending someone over right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba answered, "At the end of Eucalyptus Lane." Then the operator asked, "Could you spell that for me?" There was a long pause, until Bubba finally said, "How about if I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there?" ___________________________________________________
I've never seen a jellycake before. They're beautiful! I wonder how they taste?
Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 31 in 1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to Christianity. 1776 Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John that women were "determined to foment a rebellion" if the new Declaration of Independence failed to guarantee their rights. 1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military action in Crimea. 1831 Quebec and Montreal were incorporated as cities. 1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to American trade. 1862 Skirmishing between Rebels and Union forces took place at Island 10 on the Mississippi River. 1870 In Perth Amboy, NJ, Thomas Munday Peterson became the first black to vote in the U.S. 1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely illuminated with electric light. 1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 1900 The W.E. Roach Company was the first automobile company to put an advertisement in a national magazine. The magazine was the "Saturday Evening Post". 1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the workday for women and children to 11 hours. 1901 In Russia, the Czar lashed out at Socialist-Revolutionaries with the arrests of 72 people and the seizing of two printing presses. 1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British. 1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for an independent state of Morocco. 1906 The Conference on Moroccan Reforms in Algerciras ended after two months with France and Germany in agreement. 1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to await a wage adjustment. 1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands from Denmark for $25 million. 1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time went into effect. 1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the thousands of coal miners on strike. 1923 In New York City, the first U.S. dance marathon was held. Alma Cummings set a new world record of 27 hours. 1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps to relieve rampant unemployment. 1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany threatened invasion. 1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 1945 "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennessee Williams opened on Broadway. 1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western trains headed toward Berlin. 1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 10th province. 1960 The South African government declared a state of emergency after demonstrations led to the death of more than 50 Africans. 1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in New York City. (New York) 1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 1967 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson signed the Consular Treaty, the first bi-lateral pact with the Soviet Union since the Bolshevik Revolution. 1970 The U.S. forces in Vietnam down a MIG-21, it was the first since September 1968. 1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, four of five Indonesian terrorists were killed after hijacking an airplane on March 28. 1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed in Los Angeles. 1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from Kurdish guerillas. 1994 "Nature" magazine announced that a complete skull of Australppithecus afarensis had been found in Ethiopia. The finding is of humankind's earliest ancestor. 1998 U.N. Security Council imposed arms embargo on Yugoslavia. 1998 For the first time in U.S. history the federal government's detailed financial statement was released. This occurred under the Clinton administration. 1999 Three U.S. soldiers were captured by Yugoslav soldiers three miles from the Yugoslav border in Macedonia. 1999 Fabio was hit in the face by a bird during a promotional ride of a new roller coaster at the Busch Gardens theme park in Williamsburg, VA. Fabio received a one-inch cut across his nose. 2000 In Uganda, officials set the number of deaths linked to a doomsday religious cult, the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments, at more than 900. In Kanungu, a March 17 fire at the cult's church killed more than 530 and authorities subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the cult. 2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a free e-mail service called Gmail. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, March 30 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 30 in 1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships to get ready for WWII. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Care facility worker rrested for feeding jalapeno peppers to dementia patient ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction. --- E. F. Schumacher _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Jolene had been wanting new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. Then she went to visit her Mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that her husband had surprised her by installing beautiful new cabinets. A few days later a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen." ______________________________________________________ Albino Leopard Gecko _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kyra Johnson, 30, Oklahoma City Oklahoma Care facility worker arrested for feeding jalapeno peppers to dementia patient A former employee at a senior care facility is accused of feeding one of the patients hot peppers in order to hurt him. Kyra Johnson, 30, is charged with abuse by a caretaker, according to KFOR. The allegations stem from an incident at The Village on the Park near S. Penn and Kingsridge Dr., where Johnson was still a caretaker at the time. The victim was an 81-year-old man who police said suffers from dementia and relied on those working in the Memory Care Living Unit. One morning, Johnson is accused of taking advantage of that trust. According to the affidavit, other employees saw her chop up a jalapeño and mix it in with his eggs. One witness stated, I hope that is not hot, to which Johnson allegedly replied, I hope it is. Investigators reported Johnson was seen feeding him the eggs with the jalapeño in them, even though he was not accustomed to eating spicy food, and did not need assistance feeding himself. The affidavit states he was seen fanning and gasping for air to cool his mouth. Witnesses told investigators Johnson meant to cause him pain and suffering.
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From: Alice Re: What are Word Processors? Dear DearWebby You probably think I am living under a rock. I have seen those terms bandied about for decades, but never had the courage to ask what they are about. So, what are they, in simple words? Alice Dear Alice Word Processors started with big, bulky, "Electric Piano" systems, that had no screen, but were able to print. Eventually screens were added and after personal computers became affordable, programs were created to take care of the typing, editing, saving and printing. Wang was the big innovator in the low budget arena, while IBM with their "Display-Write" took care of big business. Initially the program sat on a huge mainframe computer in the basement, with each typist or secretary having just a keyboard and screen. Eventuallly the programs moved to personal computers, but the produced text was still saved on the mainframe. Small business and hobbyists of course did not have access to mainframes in the basement, so they saved the text on disks. Early pioneers in PC based word processing were WordStar, which was soon replaced by WordPerfect. Both were just as capable, but Word Perfect did not have an on- screen menu. Instead it had a cardboard strip with all the commands to go where you now have the F keys. In those days, the F-keys were "on the left, where God intended them to be" as Isaac Asimov wrote then. With SHIFT, CTRL, ALT and combinations of them, you could do absolutely anything. Then in the late 80s the women's libbers revolutionized writing. Instead of getting paid according to how many pieces of correspondence they produced per day, they now demanded to get paid according to how pretty their letters were. So the now obsolete F-keys (replaced by frantic mousing around) were moved to the top of the keyboard and instead of producing text, the work moved towards typesetting. Nowadays it makes little difference which word processor you use. All of them are capable of producing the same results. The main difference is YOU. Yes, YOU! If you have learned it and are comfortable with one brand, for example Open Office, then all others feel klutzy and slow. Just stick with what you are comfortable with. By the way, if you or your mom once were a speed demon on Word Perfect. it is still available as part of Corell Office. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon ... "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits."
Every baseball team could use a man who plays every position perfectly, never strikes out and never makes an error. The trouble is, there's no way to make him lay down his hot dog and come down out of the stands. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Salt for BBQ Flare Ups Don't Let High Fuel Costs Drive You Nuts Avoid aggressive driving and observe the speed limit. Lighten your load by clearing your car of extra weight, and remove roof racks or carriers if not used frequently. Keep current with car maintenance. clean air filters, properly inflated and aligned tires and the correct grade of oil can all increase mileage. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the emcee that he desired a question on American History. The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The emcee stepped up to the mic. "Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?" Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week. "Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?" Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe. "I'll try the second part first." The emcee nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half." The audience silenced with gross anticipation...... "Bob, here is your question... And in what year did it happen??" ___________________________________________________ A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the plane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*! Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas barbecues?" ___________________________________________________
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Bulletin Bloopers The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug abuse. "Correction: The following typo appeared in our last bulletin: 'Lunch will be gin at 12:15.' Please correct to read '12 noon.' " Any church member over the age of 18 is invited to participate in this lay ministry program. It requires a minimal amount of training and time. The orientation will include six weekly classes of about 200 hours each Tuesday night. The Seniors group will have a picnic Saturday. Each person is asked to bring a friend, a vegetable, or dessert in a covered dish. Meat and drinks will be furnished. The last day of Vacation Bible School will include a field trip to the state game farm. We could use some additional volunteers to help preparing the lunch of sandwiches, potato chips, cheese, crack, and cool aid that morning. Remem ber the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents three-speed bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 30 in 1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched into Paris. 1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. (Treaty of Paris) 1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million dollars. 1870 The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union. 1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests. 1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate in the Russo-Japanese peace talks. 1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay for government jobs. 1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships to get ready for WWII. 1939 The comic book "Detective Comics #27" appeared on newstands. This comic introduced Batman. 1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in Nanking, China. 1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its first offensive against British forces in Libya. 1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria at the end of World War II. 1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the Nazi party in Frankfurt. 1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 1972 The British government assumed direct rule over Northern Ireland. 1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the northern portion of South Vietnam. 1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 1982 The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its longest test flight after 8 days in space. 1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85 million. 1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for war crimes committed in Bosnia. 1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first home run. 1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each other. 1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern Philippines. 2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were injured. 2009 The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed that the new World Trade Center building would be officially known by its legal name of "One World Trade Center." 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, March 29 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 29 in 1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on Marconi's wireless. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Bonehead arrested for attempting to set 16 military vehicles on fire ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel We need not worry so much about what man descends from--it's what he descends to that shames the human race. --- Mark Twain _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?" -------------- Believe it or not, that is indeed standard procedure at United Airlines. She DID ask me exactly that. I have not flown with United since that day, ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Gordon, 27, Brandon, Florida Bonehead arrested for attempting to set 16 military vehicles on fire The Hillsborough County Sheriffs Office arrested a man for attempting to set 16 government vehicles on fire early Wednesday morning. Deputies responded to the Military Recruitment Center on W Brandon Boulevard around 7 a.m. for the report that 16 government vehicles and one civilian vehicle had the gas tanks pried open with rags and sticks placed inside the tanks. The vehicles are the property of the U.S. Army, Navy, National Guard, Air Force and Marine Corps. During the investigation, the suspect returned to the location. Michael Gordon, 27, was taken into custody. During an interview, Gordon made statement about wanting to blow up the vehicles, because, "the generals won't surrender to the Kingdom of God." The sheriffs office said Gordon referred to himself as "Michael the Arc Angel." He had two lighters on him and admitted to having charcoal lighter fluid as well. Gordon is facing criminal mischief and attempted arson charges. He has no prior criminal history in Hillsborough County. He is in the Orient Road Jail.
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From: JR Re: Spreadheet and word processor Dear DearWebby Do you have a free spreadsheet and word processor compatable with MS-Office Word, Excel, Powerpoint. jr Dear JR Yes, Open Office and Office Libre. That is what industry and commerce have switched to. It is free, uses the Open Standard that does not care if you use Windows, Mac, or Linux. The programs in Open Office and Office Libre are similar to MS Office, but without the high price. Open Office and Office Libre are free. https://www.openoffice.org/download/ https://www.libreoffice.org/download/download/ Have FUN! DearWebby
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>From Donna Upon retiring from the service, my husband, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good and he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!"
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a wildebeast and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildebeast stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times. The lion feels like he had been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till he looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Salt for BBQ Flare Ups Keep some salt handy when grilling. When you get flare ups from fat or juices dripping in the grill, just toss some salt on the flames and they will die down. Always have a fire extinguisher or hose handy, just in case. Thriftyfun.com NEVER EVER use water if frying oil flares up! A bit of patience does the same trick. Those drippings just flare and are gone in a few seconds. However, if you are making French Fries on the BBQ, and the oil catches on fire, do not throw salt and especially not water at it. Napalm is much safer than a grease or oil fire with water thrown into it. A two gallon pot of burning grease can make a fire and mushroom cloud, that can be seen from space, if you throw a cup of water into it. Always have a lid or cover handy. Just put a cover on it, then calmly, and with no need to hurry, turn the burners off or move the pan or pot away from the hot area. A frying pan, even a piece of plywood or gyprock, any cover will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a long evening ashore. As they climbed the gangway the Captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to a seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also crapped in your pants." ___________________________________________________ In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work." On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament-Ears pierced" Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques." In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished." ___________________________________________________
Artwork in the eye of a needle.
The flight home from a recent business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the passengers. "We have a little extra room tonight, folks," he said over the PA system. "So if you wouldn't mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is full." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 29 in 1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by defeating Henry VIs Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to create the Dominion of Canada. 1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia. 1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on Marconi's wireless. 1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job seeking higher wages. 1913 The Reichstag announced a raise in taxes in order to finance the new military budget. 1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo. 1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean. 1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began during World War II. 1946 Gold Coast became the first British colony to hold an African parliamentary majority. 1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were executed in June 19, 1953. 1961 The 23rd amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The amendment allowed residents of Washington, DC, to vote for president. 1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 1966 Leonid Brezhnev became the First Secretary of the Soviet Communist Party. He denounced the American policy in Vietnam and called it one of aggression. 1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later commuted to live in prison. 1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3, 1973. 1974 Eight Ohio National Guardsmen were indicted on charges stemming from the shooting deaths of four students at Kent State University on May 4, 1970. All the guardsmen were later acquitted. 1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. House of Representatives stated the assassination of President John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 1983 Erno Rubik was granted a patent for his Magic Cube. (U.S. Patent 4,378,116) 1986 A court in Rome acquitted six men in a plot to kill the Pope. 1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the Giant in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. 1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to when he had experimented with marijuana. 1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops during World War II. 1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the U.S. House and Senate. 2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia became members of NATO. 2010 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower became the tallest structure in Japan when it reached 1,109 feet. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, March 28 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 28 in 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Parents who forgot toddler at park didnt report her missing for 14 hours ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. --- Baltasar Gracian _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. It read, "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000." Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband, "It's because we have to repeat everything we say." The husband said, "What?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Donny for this picture of his Easter Cactus _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jolanda Alexandre, 27, Makenson Alexandre, 34, Haverhill, Florida Parents who forgot toddler at park didnt report her missing for 14 hours Deputies in Palm Beach County, Florida have arrested the parents of a toddler found wandering around a park alone Friday evening. Jolanda Larose Alexandre and Makenson Alexandre each face a charge of neglect of a child, according to the Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office. The sheriffs office posted pictures of the girl on the station Facebook page after she was found by herself at Haverhill Park around 8 p.m., in hopes someone would know who she was. It wasnt until 11:40 a.m. Saturday that the Alexandres, who have seven other children, called 911 to report the girl missing, according to the sheriffs office. Jolanda Alexandre, 27 whose first name is also spelled Yolanda, according to the Palm Beach Post told authorities she and Makenson took the children to the park to play for an hour before bringing them home in her SUV. Jolanda said she assumed the girl was playing outside and fell asleep that evening, according to the paper, then woke up Saturday morning and began looking frantically for the child. Sheriffs officials say Makenson, 34, admitted he hadnt realized the 2-year-old was missing until Saturday morning while driving back to the park with the other children, the Post reported. Deputies say the Department of Children and Families went to the home and removed the seven other children. They now have a fresh start on building a new family. Both parents were booked Saturday and have been released after posting $3,000 bail.
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From: Jeanne Re: Photo Screensaver Dear DearWebby How can I use photos on my desktop as screensaver? I had them to background that fine however they won't go to screensaver. I am still using XP pro. Thanks Muchly, Jeanne Dear Jeanne Put the pictures into MyPictures Then Right-Click on the desktop Properties Screensaver My Pictures Slideshow Set the wait time If you click on settings, you can choose a different folder as the source of the pictures. That way you can have one folder with motivational pictures, one with humorous pictures, one that is child safe, etc. and switch with a few mouse clicks Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any real interest in his paintings which had been on display for the previous few weeks. 'I have good news and bad news, 'the owner replied. 'The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 17 of your paintings.' 'That's wonderful, absolutely marvelous', the artist exclaimed. 'What's the bad news?' 'The buyer was your doctor.'
The local priest came across the town drunk, who had stumbled out of a tavern. The priest said to the drunk, "I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred the drunk. "What have you done now?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Shoe Boxes for Building Kids Blocks Use safe shoe boxes and other similar size boxes to make large building blocks for your kids. Tape the lid of the box on and then cover them with contact paper. You can even find contact paper with a brick or wood pattern on it. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Did you hear about the two little boys who found themselves in a modern art gallery by mistake? One said to the other, "Run! Before they say we did it!" ___________________________________________________ A minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquisition or an invitation." ___________________________________________________
Puzzle boxes go back many years. This one is incredible!
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 28 in 1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts. It did not go over well. 1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the United States. 1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring war on Russia. 1864 A group of Copperheads attack Federal soldiers in Charleston, IL. Five were killed and twenty were wounded. 1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. The law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees." 1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S. 1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal registration. 1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France. The pilot was Henri Fabre. 1917 During World War I the Womens Army Auxiliary Corps (WAAC) was founded. 1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and Ankara respectively. 1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in businesses, professions and schools. 1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric- shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco. 1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle of Matapan. 1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French port of St. Nazaire. 1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against England. All unused ones were brought to the US and became the start of NASA. 1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying device that could be strapped to a person's body. 1967 Raymond Burr starred in a TV movie titled "Ironside." The movie was later turned into a television series. 1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed that they had shot it down. 1974 A streaker ran onto the set of "The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson." 1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and suffered a partial meltdown. 1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on March 31. 1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the Nicaraguan contras. 1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST. 1990 Jesse Owens received the Congressional Gold Medal from U.S. President George H.W. Bush. 1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg. 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, March 27 Any of you, who are still wondering why I love the deserts of the South, go look at Superbloom ______________________________________________________ Today, March 27 in 1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. The steam engine was used for pumping water, not for driving. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Cop Who Had Sex While Toddler Died in Hot Car Is Pregnant With Her Second Child ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "According to a new survey, 56 percent of women say they would rather be thinner than smarter. The other 44 percent were models who didn't understand the question." --- Jay Leno Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. --- Mark Twain _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Edith I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free." She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door. ______________________________________________________ Pink Tree Frog _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cassie Barker, 29, Hancock County Jail in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi Cop Who Had Sex While Toddler Died in Hot Car Is Pregnant With Her Second Child The police officer whose 3-year-old daughter died after she left her in a hot car in the sweltering Mississippi heat while she had sex with her supervisor is pregnant. Cassie Barker, 29, who pleaded guilty on Monday to culpable negligence manslaughter for the 2016 death of her daughter, Cheyenne Hyer, is due to have her second childthis link opens in a new tab, the Biloxi Sun Herald first reported exclusively. Her attorney, Damian Holcomb, told the outlet she plans to put the baby up for adoption after she gives birth. At this time nobody knows who the father might be, and nobody raised any objections to the baby being put up for adoption. Prosecutors are recommending a 20-year sentence. The childs shocking death took place on Sept. 30, 2016, when Barker finished her shift as an officer for the Long Beach Police Department on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, say authorities. Barker, then 27, headed to the home of her then-supervisor, Sgt. Clark Ladner, with her daughter in her patrol car. She told authorities at the time that she was visiting with Ladnerthis link opens in a new tab, then 36, when she left the toddler strapped in her car seat in the back of her patrol car to see him, local station WXXV 25 reports. Both Barker and Ladner were fired instantly when authorities found out that she had boiled her baby in the patrol car. Prosecutors say Cheyenne was dying from the heat in the car while her mother was inside Ladners house getting laid. Barker said she had left the car running with the air conditioning on, but authorities said it wasnt blowing cold air. When Barker returned to the patrol car, she found her daughter unresponsive. The child was rushed to a nearby hospital where her body temperature was 107 degrees, CBS News reports. She was pronounced dead at the hospital. During their investigation, detectives allegedly learned that this wasnt the first timethis link opens in a new tab Barker had left her daughter alone in a car; she allegedly did so in April 2015 when she ran into a store in Gulfport, CBS affiliate WLOX reports. Police were called and child welfare officials took temporary custody of Cheyenne. At the time, Barker was suspended from the Long Beach police for a week without pay.
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From: John Re: Yahoo Mail Problems Dear DearWebby All of a sudden your daily email@example.com is having a problem in my yahoo.com mail inbox. When I open your email, I get all the borders and formated space but none of the text. Now that I am doing a reply to you, the entire text is present. whats happening I love your daily humor, keep it up. John K Dear John With Yahoo you are lucky to get your subscription at all. Unfortunately, there is nothing that I can do about their screwey email program, other than suggest that you graduate from Yahoo mail. Try Gmail. It is quite predictable. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who live in our community. In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of their personalities. Recently one woman was asked, "What's the 'strangest' thing you ever bought?" She answered, "Dog toothpaste." Next question, "What is the 'most common' thing people say to you?" Her answer: "Where did you get such white teeth?"
Thanks to Jai for this story: The Fire Dog A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Uses for Bread Heels A lot of people don't like using bread heels for toast or sandwiches, here are other uses for them. Cut them up and freeze them until you have enough to make stuffing or bread pudding. Use them to make bread crumbs, grind them up in a food processor and store them in the freezer. Thriftyfun.com For gourmet (coarse) crumbs you can use an old-fasioned hand crank meat grinder, or put the croutons into a pyrex 1 quart measuring cup and stomp them with a bottle. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?" ___________________________________________________ One day, Gramma sent her grandson, Little Johnny, down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran all the way back to Gramma's house and into the kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. A frightened Little Johnny stammered, "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma. There's a BIG old alligator down there!" Gramma said, "Now, don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him." "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!" ___________________________________________________
Your Daily Dose of Internet
A lady said to her friend, "My birthday is coming up and when people ask me what I want, I can't think of anything." Her friend said, "I love giving homemade gifts. Which one of my children would you like?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 27 in 1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 1802 The Treaty of Amiens was signed ending the French Revolutionary War. 1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped execution. 1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. The steam engine was used for pumping water, not for driving. 1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from Boston to New York. 1899 The first international radio transmission between England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor G. Marconi. 1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in South Africa. 1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 1901 Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the U.S. 1904 Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up striking coal miners. 1907 French troops occupied Oudja, Morocco, as a punitive action for the murder of French Dr. Muchamp. 1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington, DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 1917 The Seattle Metropolitans, of the Pacific Coast League of Canada, defeated the Montreal Canadiens and became the first U.S. hockey team to win the Stanley Cup. 1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received Frances Legion of Honor decoration. 1933 About 55,000 people staged a protest against Hitler in New York City. 1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at St. Nazaire, France. 1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and General Motors ended with a wage increase. 1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, the original dividing line between the two Koreas. 1958 Nikita Khrushchev became the chairman of the Soviet Council of Ministers in addition to First Secretary of the Communist Party. 1988 The U.S. Senate ratified the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty. 1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test in space. 1993 In China, Communist Party leader Jiang Zemin was appointed President. 1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide strike to protest unpaid wages. 1997 In Australia, Governor-General William Deane signed a bill to overturn a 1996 Northern Territory act to legalize assisted suicides. The 1996 act was the first in the world to permit assisted suicides. 1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra. It was the first pill for male impotence. 1998 Top civilian aircraft makers in France, Spain, Germany and Britain agreed to create a single European aerospace and defense company. 2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent officiating tool. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, March 26 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 26 in 1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were intercepted by a U.S. naval force. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Florida woman shoots boyfriend with shotgun because of snoring ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ 'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Millie for this story: My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?" We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message. "What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you kicked me." "But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!" Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our table. The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry. After the second one I figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!" ______________________________________________________ Cool Duck! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lorie Morin, 47, Cocoa, Floriduh Florida woman shoots boyfriend with shotgun because of snoring A woman is facing charges after police said she shot her boyfriend after an argument over his snoring, according to the Brevard County Sheriff's Office. Units were initally called out to a home on Emerald Lake Drive in unincorporated Cocoa in reference to a shooting. Upon arrival, 47-year-old Lorie Morin and her boyfriend, who is the victim of the shooting, told officials that the shooting was accidental. As officials continued to investigate, they found that the shooting occurred during an argument between the two over the victim snoring loudly, according to BCSO. Officials believe the argument escalated to the point where Morin retrieved a shotgun and shot the victim. Both the suspect and victim are believed to have been drinking leading up to the incident. The man was taken to the hospital and is currently in stable condition. Morin was charged with attempted murder and aggravated battery and was transported to the Brevard County Jail where she is being held without bond, according to online records.
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From: Various subscribers Re: Pop Up Blocker Dear DearWebby Holding down CTRL when clicking a link will disable the PopUp blocker for that link. Dear Personally, I simply refuse to go to sites that try to slap me with an unwanted PopUp as I enter. Legitimate PopUps like calculators or Look-Ups or downloads still work anyway, and at worst ask for permission at the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural- history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?" One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have a union."
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Higher Interest Savings You are using your bank's savings account, you may want to consider one of the online savings accounts. They are now offering great rates with no minimum deposit. Make sure your new account is FDIC insured so your money is safe. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this story: Dear Webby, love your humor letter! This really happened to me at the hardware store today: My husband told me to meet him at the hardware store. While wandering through the aisles looking for him, one of the nice young ladies who worked there asked me if she could help me find something. I replied, "Oh, I'm just looking for my husband." She grinned and replied, "Afraid I can't help you with that; we used to carry husbands, but not any more; we kept getting too many returns." Lynn ___________________________________________________ A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts." "He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening." ___________________________________________________
Amazing Winners of the 2018 International Landscape Photographer of the Year Contest
Thanks to Don for this one: I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just the same as when I was at the college: Stealing cars and running moonshine and selling dope." They have never called back. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 26 in 1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX. 1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine. 1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France. 1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of the Mississippi to Louisiana. 1804 The Louisiana Purchase was divided into the District of Louisiana and the Territory of Orleans. 1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY. 1898 In South Africa, the world's first game reserve, the Sabi Game reserve, was designated. 1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali as shah in place of the constitutional government. 1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S. 1913 During the Balkan War, the Bulgarians took Adrianople. 1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance. 1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye. 1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. 1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland. 1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended. 1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were intercepted by a U.S. naval force. 1951 The U.S. Air Force flag was approved. The flag included the coat of arms, 13 white stars and the Air Force seal on a blue background. 1953 Dr. Jonas Salk announced a new vaccine that would prevent poliomyelitis. 1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful satellite, Explorer III. 1962 The U.S. Supreme Court supported the 1-man-1-vote apportionment of seats in the State Legislature. 1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the independent republic of Bangladesh. 1973 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat took over the premiership and said "the stage of total confrontation (with Israel) has become inevitable." 1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt that ended the 31-year state of war between the countries. 1982 Ground breaking ceremonies were held in Washington, DC, for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 1983 The U.S. performed a nuclear test at the Nevada Test Site. 1989 The first free elections took place in the Soviet Union. Boris Yeltsin was elected. 1991 The presidents of Argentina, Paraguay, Brazil and Uruguay signed an agreement that established the Southern Cone Common Market, a free-trade zone, by January 1, 1995. 1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. He only served three. 1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border controls. 1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion loan for Russia to help the country transform its economy. 1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a mansion in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed suicide thinking that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the comet Hale-Bopp. 1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test that yields instant results. 1998 Unisys Corp. and Lockheed Martin Corp. pay a $3.15 million fine for selling spare parts at inflated prices to the U.S. federal government. 1999 The macro virus "Melissa" was reported for the first time. 1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second- degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal injection and putting it all on videotape on September 17, 1998 for "60 Minutes." 2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a new football arena. 2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected president outright. He won a sufficient number of votes to avoid a runoff election. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, March 25 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 25 in 1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to all American warplanes. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Virginia police officer arrested, charged with soliciting minor for sex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900), in Thus Spoke Zarathustra _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?" ______________________________________________________ Flying Rainbow _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Simeon Isaiah Crispin Steers-Smith, 30, Chesterfield, Virginia Virginia police officer arrested, charged with soliciting minor for sex Chesterfield County Police officer has been arrested after police say he tried to solicit a minor for sex online. Simeon Isaiah Crispin Steers-Smith, 30, was arrested Friday, March 22 by Hanover County Sheriffs Office investigators and members from the Southern Virginia Internet Crimes Against Children/FBI Child Exploitation Task Forces. Steers-Smith is accused of soliciting a sexual encounter with a task force officer who was posing as a minor online. He has been charged with three felony counts of use of a communications system to facilitate certain offenses involving children.
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From: David Re: Full size browser Dear DearWebby I've asked you this before, but I must be doing something wrong. When I click on a link that opens a new window, I like for it to be full screen. Lately, the windows are coming up quarter screen size. I thought you told me the last time to expanded the screens by dragging it from the corners and then holding down the Ctrl key while closing the window and would make it remember my preference. I'm not having any luck with that though. I'm still getting the quarter screen every time I open a new window. What is the right way of doing that trick or what could be making it go back to quarter screen? I use IE. Thanks, David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. >From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The young ensign approached the crusty old chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officers insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a lieutenant junior grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. "As a captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes, Sir. But what about commanders and lieutenant commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our unmentionables with leaves. "
Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a while. "You understand it now?" Mommy asks. "Yes," replies her daughter. "Do you still have any questions?" "Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?" "In exactly the same way as with babies." "Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com oring Popcorn When stored in a sealed glass jar in a cool cupboard, popcorn can maintain its freshness for months. For longer storage, store popcorn in the freezer, it will last for a year or more. Popcorn should pop within 80 to 90 seconds, if it takes longer, it probably has dried out. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ They say that Christopher Columbus was the first American Democrat. When he left to discover America, he didn't know where he was going. When he got there he didn't know where he was. And it was all done on a government grant. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Mary for this story: My sister and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. As I fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, I remarked, "I'm fat." "No, you're not," she scolded. "My hair is awful." "It's lovely." "I've never looked worse," I whined. "Yes, you have," she replied. ___________________________________________________
Touched by a wild Mountain Gorilla.
Thanks to Kitty for this story: In high school I was always self-conscious about my height. Once, a lifeguard asked me out. I had never stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes, one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's, and run upstairs to let me know which pair of shoes to wear. When I heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go bare-foot." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 25 in 0421 The city of Venice was founded. 1306 Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland. 1409 The Council of Pisa opened. 1634 Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland. 1655 Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military victory over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland. 1655 Christian Huygens discovered Titan. Titan is Saturn's largest satellite. 1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 20,000 people were killed. 1700 England, France and Netherlands ratify the 2nd Extermination Treaty. 1753 Voltaire left the court of Frederik II of Prussia. 1774 English Parliament passed the Boston Port Bill. 1776 The Continental Congress authorized a medal for General George Washington. 1802 France, Netherlands, Spain and England signed the Peace of Amiens. 1807 The first railway passenger service began in England. 1807 British Parliament abolished the slave trade. 1813 The frigate USS Essex flew the first U.S. flag in battle in the Pacific. 1820 Greece freedom revolt against Ottoman 1821 Greece gained independence from Turkey. 1856 A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine. 1857 Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar eclipse. 1865 The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire and sank. 400 people were killed. 1865 During the American Civil War, Confederate forces captured Fort Stedman in Virginia. 1879 Japan invaded the kingdom of Liuqiu (Ryukyu) Islands, formerly a vassal of China. 1895 Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia). 1900 The U.S. Socialist Party was formed in Indianapolis. 1901 55 people died when a Rock Island train derailed near Marshalltown, IA. 1901 The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the five-day "Week of Nice" in Nice, France. 1902 Irving W. Colburn patented the sheet glass drawing machine. 1902 In Russia, 567 students were found guilty of "political disaffection." 95 students were exiled to Siberia. 1905 Rebel battle flags that were captured during the American Civil War were returned to the South. 1905 Russia received Japan's terms for peace. 1907 Nicaraguan troops took Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. 1909 In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested on 300 murder charges. 1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 1915 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off the Hawaiian coast. 1919 The Paris Peace Commission adopted a plan to protect nations from the influx of foreign labor. 1923 The British government granted Trans-Jordan autonomy. 1931 Fifty people were killed in riots that broke out in India. Gandhi was one of many people assaulted. 1931 The Scottsboro Boys were arrested in Alabama. 1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to all American warplanes. 1941 Yugoslavia joined the Axis powers. 1941 The first paprika mill was incorporated in Dollon, SC. 1947 A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people. 1947 John D. Rockefeller III presented a check for $8.5 million to the United Nations for the purchase of land for the site of the U.N. center. 1953 The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea. 1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set and began mass production. 1957 The European Economic Community was established with the signing of the Treaty of Rome. 1960 A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered submarine for the first time. 1965 Martin Luther King Jr. led a group of 25,000 to the state capital in Montgomery, AL. 1970 The Concorde made its first supersonic flight. 1972 Bobby Hull joined Gordie Howe to become only the second National Hockey League player to score 600 career goals. 1975 King Faisal of Saudi Arabia was shot to death by a nephew. The nephew, with a history of mental illness, was beheaded the following June. 1981 The U.S. Embassy in San Salvador was damaged when gunmen attacked using rocket propelled grenades and machine guns. 1982 Wayne Gretzky became the first player in the NHL to score 200 points in a season. 1983 The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. social security system from bankruptcy. 1985 It was reported that a U.S. Army Major stationed in East Germany had been shot and killed by a Soviet Border Guard. 1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for the Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops to the Nicaraguan border. 1990 A fire in Happy Land, an illegal New York City social club, killed 87 people. 1990 Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union. 1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major counter- offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds in northern Iraq. 1992 Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station. 1993 President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had built six nuclear bombs, but said that they had since been dismantled. 1995 Boxer Mike Tyson was released from jail after serving 3 years. 1996 An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen began at a ranch near Jordan, MT. 1998 A cancer patient was the first known to die under Oregon's doctor-assisted suicide law. 1998 The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for licenses for new wireless technology. 1998 Quinn Pletcher was found guilty on charges of extortion. He had threatened to kill Bill Gates unless he was paid $5 million. 2004 The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims of Violence Act (H.R. 1997) to make it a separate crime to harm a fetus during the commission of a violent federal crime. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, March 24 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 24 in 1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Gun Charge For Dope Who Shot Self Below Belt ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. --- Peter De Vries _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ______________________________________________________ Let's try that picture again: _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mark Anthony Jones, 46, Marion, Indiana Gun Charge For Dope Who Shot Self Below Belt The Indiana man who accidentally shot himself in the penis and scrotum has been charged with carrying a handgun without a license, according to court records. Mark Anthony Jones, 46, is facing a Class-A misdemeanor weapons charge in connection with the February 28 incident in Marion. A decision to charge Jones (seen at right) was made this month by the Grant County Prosecutors Office after police forwarded the case for review. Jones, who lives in Marion, is the subject of an active arrest warrant filed in Marion City Court. According to police, Jones suffered an accidental self-inflicted gunshot injury while walking on a Marion street around 6:45 AM. During a hospital interview, Jones told cops that he had an unholstered Hi-Point 9mm handgun tucked in his waistband when the weapon began to slip. As detailed in a Marion Police Department report, Jones stated the gun does not belong to him and would not disclose who the owner was. Jones claimed that he had been in possession of the firearm for a day and was in the process of purchasing the weapon. While questioning the suspect, an officer took digital photographs documenting Mr. Jones injury/s. When, Jones said, he reached down to adjust the gun, the firearm discharged. The bullet entered just above his penis and exited his scrotum,
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From: Chris Re: Labels in Open Office Dear DearWebby Can I do labels like address labels with Open Office, or do I have to use WORD for that? Chris Dear Chris Yes, of course! I didn't realize that some people might still be using quaint old-fashioned WORD and Microsoft Office. In Open Office Write you click on File, New, Labels slect the brand, for example Avery, select Sheet, Letter Size, the Avery number, for example 5660. Click on New Document. Paste or type in the address, click on Synchronize, and the address is duplicated into 30 labels, or however many are on the selected brand and type of label sheet. You can, of course also pull different addresses for each label from a database. Just follow the on-screen instructions for that. It's really quite simple and intuitive, as long as you start with FILE, New, Labels Have FUN! DearWebby
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A tall, rugged man shows up at the condo pool. Mrs. Goldfarb reacts to this new face, and immediately closes in to begin questioning. She says "I think you might have been here, a long time ago, but I haven't seen you for many years." He says "I've been away." "Oh" she says "certainly not anywhere in Florida. You're very pale." He says "I've been in prison." A longer silence follows, and she says "Well, I know I'm being forward, but could I ask what for?" He says "I murdered my wife", then adds "with an ax." She says "So you're single now?"
Thanks to Erika for this story: At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup. I didn't realize how long I'd been until someone slid a note under the door. "You win," it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Prevent Eye Glasses and Goggles from Fogging Up Apply a little foaming shaving cream to your glasses and then wipe it off to help prevent them from fogging up. This also works well for swimming and skiing goggles. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Camping Tips! Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone. A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent trhowing weapon You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear. The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling. Alternately, a ukelele placed on the camping table will keep the next spot free. The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle. It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home. In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate. The most efficient way to get teenagers and spouses to unpack and set up camp, is to supervise from the door of the camp outhouse. ___________________________________________________ Sign posted in the Army recruiting office: "Girs! Marry a veteran. He can cook, make beds, sew, and is already used to taking orders." ___________________________________________________
Real life gardens of earthly delights.
"What kind of music do you sing?" "Aqua-pella." "Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without instrumental accompaniment?" "Nope. I mean 'aqua-pella', singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 24 in 1379 The Gelderse war ended. 1545 German Parliament opened in Worms. 1550 France and England signed the Peace of Boulogne. 1629 In Virginia, the first game law was passed in the American colonies. 1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the American colonies to house 10,000 British troops in public and private buildings. 1828 The Philadelphia & Columbia Railway was authorized as the first state owned railway. 1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. 1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote 1848 A state of siege was proclaimed in Amsterdam. 1868 Metropolitan Life Insurance Company was formed. 1878 The British frigate Eurydice sank killing 300. 1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in Connecticut. It was known as Tobacco Growers Mutual Insurance Company. 1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus). 1883 The first telephone call between New York and Chicago took place. 1900 In New Jersey, the Carnegie Steel Corporation was formed. 1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the Japanese strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur. 1905 In Crete, a group led by Eleutherios Venizelos claimed independence from Turkey. 1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened as a rival to the Panama Canal. 1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal punishment. 1920 The first U.S. coast guard air station was established at Morehead City, NC. 1924 Greece became a republic. 1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with Chiang Kai- shek over the Nationalist goals. 1932 Belle Baker hosted a radio variety show from a moving train. It was the first radio broadcast from a train. 1934 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed a bill granting future independence to the Philippines. 1938 The U.S. asked that all countries help refugees fleeing from the Nazis. 1944 In Rome, The Gestapo rounded up innocent Italians and shot them to death in response to a bomb attack that killed 32 German policemen. Over 300 civilians were executed. 1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing its troops from Iran. 1955 Tennessee Williams' play "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" debuted on Broadway. 1955 The first oil drill seagoing rig was put into service. 1960 A U.S. appeals court ruled that the novel "Lady Chatterlys Lover" was not obscene and could be sent through the mail. 1972 Great Britain imposed direct rule over Northern Ireland. 1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed by her country's military. 1980 In San Salvador, Archbishop Oscar Arnulfo Romero was shot to death by gunmen as he celebrated Mass. 1982 Soviet leader Leonid L. Brezhnev stated that Russia was willing to resume border talks with China. 1985 Thousands demonstrated in Madrid against the NATO presence in Spain. 1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels (11 million gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound after it ran aground. 1989 The U.S. decided to send humanitarian aid to the Contras. 1990 Indian troops left Sri Lanka. 1991 The African nation of Benin held its first presidential elections in about 30 years. 1993 In Israel, Ezer Weizman, an advocate of peace with neighboring Arab nations, was elected President. 1995 Russian forces surrounded Achkoi-Martan. It was one of the few remaining strongholds of rebels in Chechenia. 1995 The U.S. House of Representatives passed a welfare reform package that made the most changes in social programs since the New Deal. 1997 The Australian parliament overturned the world's first and only euthanasia law. 1998 In Jonesboro, AR, two young boys open fire at students from woods near a school. Four students and a teacher were killed and 10 others were injured. The two boys were 11 and 13 years old cousins. 1998 A former FBI agent said papers found in James Earl Ray's car supports a conspiracy theory in the assassination of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. 1999 NATO launched air strikes against Yugoslavia (Serbia, Montenegro, Kosovo and Vojvodina). The attacks marked the first time in its 50-year history that NATO attacked a sovereign country. The bombings were in response to Serbia's refusal to sign a peace treaty with ethnic Albanians who were seeking independence for the province of Kosovo. 1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France became an inferno after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught fire. At least 30 people were killed. 2002 Thieves stole five 17th century paintings from the Frans Hals Museum in the Dutch city of Haarlem. The paintings were worth about $2.6 million. The paintings were works by Jan Steen, Cornelis Bega, Adriaan van Ostade and Cornelis Dusart. 2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed after opposition protesters took over President Askar Akayev's presidential compound and government offices. 2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a permanent cease-fire. 2014 It was announced that the U.S. and its allies would exclude Russia from the G8 meeting and boycott a planned summit in Sochi in response to Russia's takeover of Crimea. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, March 23 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 22 in 1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory rape a crime for men but not women. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: North Carolina man faces felony charges for possessing 216 Venus flytraps ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Free advice is worth the price. --- Robert Half It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The man, trying to start up a conversation with another man said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?" The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!" Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the first man said, "No, not her, the other one!" The second man said, "That's my daughter!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Archie Lee Williams Jr., 41, Bolivia, North Carolina North Carolina man faces felony charges for possessing 216 Venus flytraps A North Carolina man faces felony charges after officers found him with 216 Venus flytraps, WWAY reports. Archie Lee Williams Jr., 41, of Bolivia, N.C., is looking at 73 counts of felony taking of a Venus flytrap. The Venus flytrap is listed as a special concern and vulnerable plant on the North Carolina Protected Plant Species list. North Carolina Wildlife Master Officer John White said tips came in for a month before they were able to catch the suspect, adding that it is difficult to track suspects down when they travel from area to area, WWAY reports. On Saturday, White learned that Venus flytraps were being poached at the Brunswick County Game Land, near Bolivia, and found Williams getting into his vehicle. Williams is being held at the Brunswick County Detention Center under a $750,000 bond. ----------------- You can buy Venus Flytrap seeds at Amazon, usually for about $5 per 100 seeds. No need to poach them from some place, where they are protected. Probably nobody except his ex wife knew that old and probably obsolete regulation.
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From: Debra Re: Ink vs Laser Dear DearWebby I know you ansnwered this a few years ago, but that was before my kids and my hubby's kids got to the age, where they want to print whatever they think is cute. Now the ink bill is getting quite a nuisance. Thanks Debra Dear Debra You already answered it. When the ink bill becomes a nuisance, upgrade to Laser. With that much printing your ink squirter won't last much longer anyway. Simply make your next printer a Laser. With any luck you will have just enough time to select a suitable printer. I got a DELL 1320c color laser about a dozen years ago, and printed a LOT since then. It is still working fine. The only thing it does not like is when people pile stuff on top and jam the output tray. The jam is easy enough to clear, but that is about the only occasion for cussing it ever has. Just look around for a color laser, that fits your budget. Their prices have come down quite nicely. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I see you have put ASAP down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put AMAP down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?" The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible!"
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Mattress Put a protective cover over your mattresses. If you have kids that are prone to accidents, a vinyl cover works the best. Anyone's mattress can benefit from a mattress pad, it keeps dirt and sweat from getting into the mattress and prevents you from having to wash your mattress. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower: Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over Heli-pad 1." Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!" There was a brief moment of silence. First voice again: "You idiot! You're my CO-PILOT!" ___________________________________________________ A friend of mine told me about this new Husband Shopping Center where a woman could go to choose from among many men for her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing inpositive attributes as you ascended up the floors. The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find a man as a prospective husband. First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say, "Well that's better than not having jobs or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up". So up they go. Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking." Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up? Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kidsand help with the housework. "Wow! say the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they go. Fourth floor: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please." ___________________________________________________
Maybe kids of today are going to be alright after all.
An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 23 in 1026 Koenraad II crowned himself king of Italy. 1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took place. 1490 The first dated edition of Maimonides "Mishna Torah" was published. 1657 France and England formed an alliance against Spain. 1775 American revolutionary Patrick Henry declared, "give me liberty, or give me death!" 1794 Josiah G. Pierson patented a rivet machine. 1806 Explorers Lewis and Clark, reached the Pacific coast, and began their return journey to the east. 1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph took the throne of Spain. 1835 Charles Darwin reached Los Arenales, in the Andes. 1836 The coin press was invented by Franklin Beale. 1839 The first recorded printed use of "OK" [oll korrect] occurred in Boston's Morning Post. 1840 The first successful photo of the Moon was taken. 1848 Hungary proclaimed its independence of Austria. 1857 Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger elevator in a public building. It was at the corner of Broome Street and Broadway in New York City. 1858 Eleazer A. Gardner patented the cable streetcar. 1880 John Stevens patented the grain crushing mill. The mill increased flour production by 70 percent. 1881 The Boers and Britain signed a peace accord ending the first Boer war. 1881 A gas lamp caused a fire in an opera house in Nice, France. 70 people were killed. 1889 U.S. President Harrison opened Oklahoma for white colonization. The "Sooners" were already there. 1901 Dame Nellie Melba, revealed the secret of her now famous toast. 1901 It was learned that Boers were starving in British concentration camps in South Africa. 1901 Shots were fired at Privy Councilor Pobyedonostzev, who was considered to be Russia's most hated man. 1902 In Italy, the minimum legal working age was raised from 9 to 12 for boys and from 11 to 15 for girls. 1903 The Wright brothers obtained an airplane patent. 1903 U.S. troops were sent to Honduras to protect the American consulate during revolutionary activity. 1909 British Lt. Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole. 1909 Theodore Roosevelt began an African safari sponsored by the Smithsonian Institution and National Geographic Society. 1910 In the Canary Islands, women offered candidates for legislative elections. 1912 The Dixie Cup was invented. 1917 Austrian Emperor Charles I made a peace proposal to French President Poincare. 1917 In the Midwest U.S., four tornadoes kill 211 people over a four day period. 1918 Lithuania proclaimed independence. 1919 Benito Mussolini founded his Fascist political movement in Milan, Italy. 1921 Arthur G. Hamilton set a new parachute record when he safely jumped from 24,400 feet. 1922 The first airplane landed at the U.S. Capitol in Washington, DC. 1932 In the U.S., the Norris-LaGuardia Act established workers' right to strike. 1933 The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act. The act effectively granted Adolf Hitler dictatorial legislative powers. 1934 The U.S. Congress accepted the independence of the Philippines in 1945. 1936 Italy, Austria & Hungary signed the Pact of Rome. 1937 The L.A. Railway Co. started using PCC streetcars. 1940 "Truth or Consequences" was heard on radio for the first time. 1942 The Japanese occupy the Andaman Islands. 1942 During World War II, the U.S. government began evacuating Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes to detention centers. 1950 "Beat the Clock" premiered on CBS-TV. 1951 U.S. paratroopers descended from flying boxcars in a surprise attack in Korea. 1956 Pakistan became the first Islamic republic. It was still within the British Commonwealth. 1956 Sudan became independent. 1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons. 1965 America's first two-person space flight took off from Cape Kennedy with astronauts Virgil I. Grissom and John W. Young aboard. The craft was the Gemini 3. 1965 The Moroccan Army shot at demonstrators. About 100 people were killed. 1967 Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. called the Vietnam War the biggest obstacle to the civil rights movement. 1972 Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after successfully jumping 35 cars. 1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left Panama for Egypt. 1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory rape a crime for men but not women. 1981 CBS Television announced plans to reduce "Captain Kangaroo" to a 30-minute show each weekday morning. 1983 U.S. President Reagan first proposed development of technology to intercept enemy missiles. The proposal became known as the Strategic Defense Initiative and "Star Wars." 1983 Dr. Barney Clark died after 112 days with a permanent artificial heart. 1989 A 1,000-foot diameter asteroid missed Earth by about 430,000 miles. 1989 Two electrochemists, Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischman, announced that they had created nuclear fusion in a test tube at room temperature. 1990 Former Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood was ordered to help clean up Prince William Sound and pay $50,000 in restitution for the 1989 oil spill. 1993 U.N. experts announced that record ozone lows had been registered over a large area of the Western Hemisphere. 1994 Luis Donaldo Colosio, Mexico's leading presidential candidate, was assassinated in Tijuana. Mario Aburto Martinez was arrested at the scene and confessed to the killing. 1994 Wayne Gretzky broke Gordie Howe's National Hockey League (NHL) career record with his 802nd goal. 1996 Taiwan held its first democratic presidential elections. 1998 Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to Jewish foundations as restitution for Nazi looting. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that term limits for state lawmakers were constitutional. 1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet. 1998 The movie "Titanic" won 11 Oscars at the Academy Awards. 1998 The German company Bertelsmann AG agreed to purchase the American publisher Random House for $1.4 billion. The merger created the largest English-language book-publishing company in the world. 1999 NATO Secretary-General Javier Solana gave formal approval for air strikes against Serbian targets. 2001 Russia's orbiting Mir space station plunged into the South Pacific after its 15-years of use. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, March 22 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Spring has sprung! We still have snow in the shades of buildings, but this evening I went for my walk in my short shorts. I don't like the yuppie shorts that hang down to my knees. For me it's traditional shorts on none of them. ______________________________________________________ Today, March 22 in 1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and three countries space was found back in Islip. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Alabama woman gets 23 felony charges in Facebook bullying case ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the new driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says boy. "Nope, I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Catherine Patterson, 48, Ashland, Alabama Alabama woman gets 23 felony charges in Facebook bullying case An east Alabama woman is facing more than a few days in Facebook jail after authorities say shes repeatedly used social media to bully multiple victims. Catherine Patterson, 48, was arrested this week on nearly two dozen felony warrants 23 counts of aggravated stalking to be exact. Her arrest comes after she was previously ordered to stay off social media. Clay County Sheriff Jim Studdard said the investigation began several months ago after sheriffs officials received multiple complaints of cyber bullying from different victims. They launched a probe which the sheriff described as complex and lengthy because of the need to identify a suspect or suspects by means of obtain IP addresses. Additionally, he said, they had to then obtain physical addresses. Sheriffs investigators, as well as Lineville and Ashland police, carried out a search warrant at Pattersons Ashland home on Wednesday. They recovered multiple electronic devices. Few details about the alleged bullying have been released but authorities say there is a history of conflict between Patterson and the victims, which include some former family members. Court records show Patterson was charged with harassment in 2017 and with violation of a protection order in 2017 and 2018. All of those charges against her were dismissed. Photographic evidence in one of the previous cases included a Facebook post that read, My target shooting getting better but I know I wont missed (sic) a Fat Pigs male or female Ill shot (sic) to kill not injured (sic). Aggravated stalking is a Class B felony. Pattersons bond is set at $23,000. Studdard said social media bullying is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.
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From: Robert Re: Ink Refilling Dear DearWebby Tell Bob to take his cartridges to COSTCO. I have a Canon MX870 that takes 5 cartridges and costs me $45.00 for all and can pick them up as soon as next day. Robert Dear Robert Yes, COSTCO is definitely a good deal. I used to get bulk ink from Atlantic Inkjet in Liter jugs (Quart) for $4.95, but eventually smartened up and got a Laser about a dozen years ago. Now I just slap in a new cartridge whenever that color runs out, which is about every second year or so. I don't plan to get back to ink ever again. By the way, I DO have a Canon PIXMA 4 function inkjet printer, that I got from NewEgg for $30. I use it as my scanner, never print with it. It is a good scanner, though! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Here is a real Classic! A Cajun named Boudreax moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." The Cajun said, "Well, then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." The Cajun said, "Okay, then. Just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" "I'm going to raffle him off." "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the farmer met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Two men were walking their dogs around the local country club and discussing their recent game of golf. The first man's dog was a big German Shepherd, and the second man's dog was a Chihuahua. The first man says, "Let's go into the club and get a drink." The second man says, "But we can't take our dogs into the club, and I don't want to leave Froo-Froo outside." "Oh, sure we can take our dogs inside," the first man says. "Just do as I do, and say what I say." So, the first man walks into the club and asks the waiter for a place to sit. The waiter says, "Sorry sir, but you can't have your dog in here." The man looks around aimlessly and says, "Not even seeing-eye dogs?" The waiter immediately apologizes and gives the man a seat. The second man watched this whole scene and decided to go for it. He walks in and asks the same waiter for a seat. The waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, but you can't have your dog in here." The second man says, "Not even seeing-eye dogs?" Then the waiter laughs and says, "You got to be kidding, man, you're telling me that your Chihuahua is a seeing-eye dog?!" The second man thinks for a moment, then says, "What? You mean my seeing-eye dog is a CHIHUAHUA?!?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Frisbies Frisbees are an inexpensive outdoor toy, providing exercise and fun for a group. Tossing a frisbee back and forth teaches sharing. Frisbees can also be used for Frisbee golf where players try to hit various targets around the yard in the fewest number of throws. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Nathan, Morris and Bill are fishing in the Caribbean. Morris says, "I had a terrible fire; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Nathan says, "I had a terrible explosion; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Bill says, "What a coincidence. I had a terrible flood; lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here." Morris and Nathan turned to him with confusion and asked, "Flood? How do you start a flood?" ___________________________________________________ My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale." ___________________________________________________
The Shirk Report
W10 is bad for windows. Every time a W10 machine is thrown out the window, the glass breaks. --- Socratex ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 22 in 1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first printed and publicly sold book. 1622 Indians attacked a group of colonist in the James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It was in Boston, MA. 1638 Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in Prussia. 1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 1790 Thomas Jefferson became the first U.S. Secretary of State. 1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S.from supplying slaves to other countries. 1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 1871 William Holden of North Carolina became the first governor to be removed by impeachment. 1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in employment. 1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 1874 The Young Men's Hebrew Association was organized in New York City. 1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 1894 The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began. Montreal played Ottawa. 1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an invited audience in Paris. 1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from encroaching on Korea. 1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by telegraph. 1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated by a volcanic eruption. 1904 The first color photograph was published in the London Daily Illustrated Mirror. 1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the face of advancing Japanese forces. 1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as women to attract riders. 1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway stations. 1919 The first international airline service was inaugurated on a weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2% alcohol. 1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court cases. 1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 1943 Obligatory work for women ends in Belgium. 1945 The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in Cairo, Egypt. 1946 The British granted Transjordan independence. 1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles. 1947 The Greek government imposed martial law in Laconia and southern Greece. 1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 1948 "The Voice of Firestone" became the first commercial radio program to be carried simultaneously on both AM and FM radio stations. 1954 The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 1954 The London gold market reopened for the first time since 1939. 1956 Perry Como became the first major TV variety-show host to book a rock and roll act on his program. The act was Carl Perkins. 1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser. It was the first patent for any laser. 1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against the Vietcong. 1972 The U.S. Senate passed the Equal Rights Amendment. It was not ratified by the states. 1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 1975 Walt Disney World Shopping Village opened. 1977 Comedienne Lily Tomlin made her debut on Broadway in "Lily Tomlin on Stage" in New York. 1977 Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 1978 Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was founded by Ingrid Newkirk and Alex Pacheco. 1981 RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players on the market. 1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and three countries space was found back in Islip. 1989 Oliver North began two days of testimony at his Iran-Contra trial in Washington, DC. 1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60 MHz-100+ MIPS. 1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after setting a record for 438 days in space. 1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest women's world figure skating champion. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, March 21 Happy Spring! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 21 in 1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Georgia woman cuts man with sword after catching him molesting her daughter ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman (1941 - ) We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know. --- W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they were both pathological liars. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Lawarren Williams, 25, Macon, Georgia Georgia woman cuts man with sword after catching him molesting her daughter A Georgia woman cut her boyfriend with a sword after she caught him allegedly molesting her 5-year-old daughter, deputies told WMAZ. John Lawarren Williams, 25, is facing charges of aggravated molestation and cruelty to children. He is being held without bond. Deputies said they were told that the girl had also been burned with a cigarette on her private area, according to WGXA. The girl and mother went to a pediatric hospital in Macon. Williams reportedly ran away from the house when law enforcement arrived but later turned himself in to deputies. According to WGXA, he was then treated for a cut on his hand and interviewed by investigators.
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From: Bob Re: Ink Refilling Dear DearWebby "...after the cartridge reads empty, it is refilled. Then it is re-installed back into the printer and the stop/reset button is held down for 10 sections. The stop reset button is the button on your printer next to image of a triangle inside a circle..." I got this from Atlantic Ink about refilling my cartridges, I don't know what "sections" mean. I hate to bug them anymore, so I thought I would ask you, since you use thier products. I spend about $75.00 a month on new cartridges for our business and I need to refill like I did with my old printer. I have a Conon MP530. Thanks, Bob Dear Bob That's a typo, like your Conon printer. Can happen to all of us. She means 10 seconds. Have FNU! DearWebby
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A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!" Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, Who wear their balls in parentheses?"
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Video Games Don't buy games as soon as they come out. A year later you can often find games for half their original price. Even if you only wait a few weeks, you can find the hot games in the used market at local stores or on eBay. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an overnight stay. It was late, there was very little traffic, and we were enjoying a peaceful ride. It was a far cry from the usual chaos surrounding us when I drive her to various activities during rush hour. My daughter seemed deep in thought when she said, "I have a question." "What do you want to know?" I responded. "Mom, when you're driving," she asked, "are YOU ever the stupid idiot?" ___________________________________________________ One young man was riding his bicycle across a university campus. A passerby saw that a message on the front of his T-shirt announced his occupational goal: "I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR." As the cyclist rode on, the passerby noticed a sign on the rear of his bicycle: "I AM GOING TO BE A MERCEDES." ___________________________________________________
What amazing timing and discipline.
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything back into your purse. And we'd like to see just HOW you do it." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 21 in 1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany. 1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven recantations that same day. 1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 1835 Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass. 1851 Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to death. 1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 1907 The U.S. Marines landed in Honduras to protect American interests in the war with Nicaragua. 1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by Henri Farman of France. 1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March 31, 1909. 1918 During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme Offensive. 1925 The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a law that made it a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the Bible's account of man's creation. 1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-Atlantic flight. 1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 1935 Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 1941 The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell to the British. 1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of raids over Germany, trashing many towns. 1960 About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa, when police fired upon demonstrators. 1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco Bay, CA, closed. 1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series of unmanned lunar explorations. 1965 More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to Montgomery, AL. 1966 In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. 1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance. 1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require one year of residency for voting eligibility. 1974 In London, an attempt was made to kidnap Princess Anne on the Mall. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the coast of Japan. 1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26 million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 1985 Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At least 21 demonstrators were killed. 1989 Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison after his conviction was overturned. The documentary "The Thin Blue Line" had challenged evidence of Adams' conviction for killing a police officer. 1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 1991 The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against Iraq. 1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 1999 Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face murder charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a plea bargain Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison. 2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration had overstepped its regulatory authority when it attempted to restrict the marketing of cigarettes to youngsters. 2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse, was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 2016 It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had captured the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star KSN 2011a exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant flash shockwave had been captured. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, March 20 ========== >Annie Dear Webby, I see a bear, two wolves, two mountain goats, and another eagle. There's also something I can't identify between the eagle and goat...has a huge eye though. Thanks for the fun and enlightenment you bring each day! Annie ========== >Robert Also, 2goats, a wolf, a lion and perhaps a bull or another eagle! ========== >Moe Bear? Real Eagle, Eagle, Bighorn Sheep, Wolf, Goat, Camel, Buffalo, and Al Jolson? A fish ========== ______________________________________________________ Today, March 20 in 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Real Estate Agent Raped Woman Who Was House Hunting in Florida ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. --- Socratex "Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arrising from contem- plating the misery of another." --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. --- Ludwig Wittgenstein _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: During a commercial airline flight an Air Force pilot was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby- related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, 'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!' Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Air Force pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed........'And all these years, I've been chewing gum.' ______________________________________________________ Ibex, finally away from the kids _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wentworth Huang Wang, 38, Orlando, Florida Real Estate Agent Raped Woman Who Was House Hunting in Florida Police have arrested a real estate agent who they say raped a woman who came from China to look at houses in Florida last year. The Orlando Sentinelreports 38-year-old Wentworth Huang Wang was arrested Sunday. He's charged with three counts of sexual battery. A police affidavit says the company the woman used for housing and transportation put her in touch with Wang. She told police that after Wang raped her, he warned her not to tell because he knew people at the Orlando Police Department, adding that they would believe him because he's an American citizen. She left Florida and reported the rape in California. Wang provided a DNA sample in October, which matched evidence found on the woman and her clothing.
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From: Carol Re: Dragging Dear DearWebby Please don't think this is a stupid question. I have seen the phrase "drag to" and I know how to click and drag, but what I don't know .....how do you drag to another place? If I wanted to drag to let's say my d drive, that's on another "page". Thanks. Carol Dear Carol Don't run the file explorer full screen. Narrow it down so that it just uses a third of the screen. Then open another one beside it. Now you can drag from one to the other. If you use Windows in Classic Style, you can even split each window and show folders (instead of tasks) on the left side of each File Explorer. Then you can drag stuff even into closed folders showing on the left. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mr. Smith was in his hospital bed and had been getting many tests done. After several days of hospitalization, a nurse finally came into his room and stated, "Mr. Smith, I have some bad news and some good news. Which do you want to hear first?" Mr. Smith solemnly replied, "Well, tell me the bad news first." The nurse said, "The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to have an enema. But, the good news is that I am qualified to slap the s**t outa you."
While stationed in Washington, D.C., a man used Arlington National Cemetery as a shortcut on his way to give a briefing at Fort Myer. To his surprise, he encountered a roadblock manned by the military police. An MP approached him and asked in a stern voice, "Are you supposed to be here?" Unsure of what to say, he replied, "Not yet." The MP held back a smile and waved him on. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Saving Money at Restaurants Don't order alcoholic drinks. Try meatless dishes, they are almost always cheaper. Go out to lunch, instead of dinner. Split large dishes between two people. Order off the senior menu if you can. Serving sizes are ridiculously large at most restaurants. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since February." ___________________________________________________ On my way to deliver a repaired computer to a customer, I saw a handwritten sign at the entrance of an alley. It read: "Blocked! Do not pass! Difficult to turn back." I continued anyway, only to discover that the alley was indeed blocked by a fallen tree. As predicted, it took a while to turn the truck around. When I finally got back to the entrance, I noticed a second sign. It read: "Told you so!" ___________________________________________________
A catalogue of crazy customized coffins.
Rough Translations: RIGOR MORRIS: The cat is dead. RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID: Honk if you're Scottish HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I shopped. COGITO EGGO SUM: I think, therefore I am ... a waffle QUE SERA SERF: Life is feudal LEROI EST MORT. JIVE LEROI: Leroy is dead. Dance Leroy! POSH MORTEM: Death styles of the rich and famous PRO BOZO PUBLICO: Support your local clown MONAGE A TROIS: I am three years old HASTE CUISINE: Fast French food QUIP PRO QUO: A fast retort ALOHA OY: Love; greetings; farewell; and from such a pain you should never know MAZEL TON: Tons of luck VISA LA FRANCE: Don't leave your chateau without it CARNE DIEM: Seize the meat ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 20 in 0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took place. 1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of his father Henry IV. 1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 1602 The United Dutch East Indian Company (VOC) was formed. 1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to seek gold in Guyana. 1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took possession of the Peacock throne. 1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the guillotine. 1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, and advanced into Cairo. 1814 Prince Willem Frederik became the monarch of Netherlands. 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 1816 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state court decisions. 1833 The U.S. and Siam signed a commercial treaty. 1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe's book "Uncle Tom's Cabin," subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. 1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans and did not appear at the Soldier's Home near Washington, DC. 1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of $14,000. 1883 The Unity treaty of Paris was signed to protect industrial property. 1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing machine. 1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial operation. 1888 The Sherlock Holmes Adventure, "A Scandal in Bohemia," began. 1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in Dayton, OH. 1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. citizens in the wake of a revolution. 1897 The first U.S. orthodox Jewish Rabbinical seminary was incorporated in New York. 1897 The first intercollegiate basketball game that used five players per team was held. The contest was Yale versus Pennsylvania. Yale won by a score of 32-10. 1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for the murder of her stepdaughter. 1900 It was announced that European powers had agreed to keep China's doors open to trade. 1902 France and Russia acknowledged the Anglo-Japanese alliance. They also asserted their right to protect their interests in China and Korea. 1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the Western Front. 1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid to rebuild their army. 1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back from the Rhineland. 1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft carrier for the U.S. Navy. 1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to South America on regular schedule. 1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau. 1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany. 1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on the Mareth Line in North Africa. 1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the South Atlantic. 1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 1956 Tunisia gained independence from France. 1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was established. 1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered 4,000 troops to protect the Selma-Montgomery civil rights marchers. 1967 Twiggy arrived in the U.S. for a one-week stay. 1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close all bases in Taiwan. 1972 19 mountain climbers were killed on Japan's Mount Fuji during an avalanche. 1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 1980 The U.S. made an appeal to the International Court concerning the American Hostages in Iran. 1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight years in a convent. 1982 U.S. scientists returned from Antarctica with the first land mammal fossils found there. 1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken prayer in public schools. 1985 For the first time in its 99-year history, Avon representatives received a salary. Up to that time they had been paid solely on commissions. 1985 CBS-TV presented "The Romance of Betty Boop." 1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 1989 A Washington, DC, district court judge blocked a curfew imposed by Mayor Barry and the City Council. 1989 In Belfast, two policemen were killed. The IRA claimed responsibility. 1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of South African rule. 1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery. 1990 In Rumania, tanks were sent to the town of Tirgu Mures to quell ethnic riots. 1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers could not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic chemicals could potentially damage a fetus. 1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 1993 Russian President Boris Yeltsin declared emergency rule. He set a referendum on whether the people trusted him or the hard- line Congress to govern. 1993 An Irish Republican Army bomb was detonated in Warrington, England. A 3-year-old boy and a 12-year-old boy were killed. 1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK). 1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged to a doomsday cult in Japan. 1996 In Los Angeles, Erik and Lyle Menendez were found guilty of first-degree murder in the killing of their parents. 1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow Disease). 1997 Liggett Group, the maker of Chesterfield cigarettes, settled 22 state lawsuits by admitting the industry marketed cigarettes to teenagers and agreed to warn on every pack that smoking is addictive. 1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to "exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons." 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones became the first men to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon. The non-stop trip began on March 3 and covered 26,500 miles. 1999 Legoland California opened Carlsbad, California. 2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as H. Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a sherriff's deputy dead. 2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had shredded documents and deleted computer files related to the energy company Enron. 2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group INc. for $500 million in stock. 2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, March 18 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 18 in 1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Indiana man arrested seven times in six months ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Who is more busy than he who hath least to do? --- John Clarke The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison (1934 - ) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Steven Wagers, 35, Johnson County, Indiana Indiana man arrested seven times in six months One Indiana man has enough mugshots to populate an Instagram account. They're all recent, and law enforcement is not happy about it. Johnson County Sheriff Duane Burgess said this repeat offender was arrested this week and is not leaving his jail anytime soon. He is just a menace to Johnson County citizens, Burgess said. Burgess is talking about 35-year-old Steven Wagers. Wagers has been arrested seven times in the last six months, including twice within three days last Friday and Monday. Records show Wagers has been arrested nearly 30 times over the last 17 years. Most of his arrests are for thefts and drug possession. Every time we catch him and we arrest him he's got some kind of narcotics that he's in possession of, Burgess said. It's been an occurrence where I'm walking in the jail and he's being released and I'm like 'Stay out of jail, Steven.' And he's returning that next day. Late Friday night, Wagers was arrested on suspicion of stealing a car in Greenwood. Deputies said Wagers led them on a chase and fought with officers when they caught up to him. They said they found a syringe and pain pills on Wagers when they arrested him. Monday morning, Wagers was out of jail and police responded to a call in the same area about a suspicious man in a front yard. Responding officers recognized Wagers as he ran away from them again, police said. During the foot chase, they said Wagers jumped a fence before sitting down in a lawn chair. Police said they found him with a bag of methamphetamines. When Burgess heard of the latest arrest Monday, he quickly sought a court order to hold Wagers without bond. He said the move was intended to keep Wagers locked up so he couldn't go out and commit any more crimes pending a court appearance.
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From: Myself Re: Jerome, help! Dear Jerome While I was out for an hour taking pictures for a client, my good old 2009 Acer Aspire laptop died. Black monitor, not even a poer LED. I tried contacting Accer support. That was a total waste of time. Now what? DearWebby Dear DearWebby Take the battery out and plug the laptop in as if the battery was in it. Those Acer batteries do die without warning. Jerome Hi Jerome You fixed it! It runs fine on just the charger. It seems the battery died when I was not watching for an hour. Thank you very much! DearWebby I may have a lot of answers, but whne I am stumped, I ask Jerome.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?" The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure there are no cannibals in Africa." The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some cannibals around here." The guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here. I'm sure. We ate the last one yesterday."
A woman was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed. "You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your sister." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Baking Soda Make a paste of baking soda with water for a mild abrasive. You can use it instead of Comet or other abrasive cleaners for cleaning bathroom fixtures. It works well for cleaning spots off chrome and stainless steel. It can also be added to your laundry as a booster (1/2 cup should work). Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A priest was vested in his surplice and cassock ready to proceed at the beginning of the service. His surplice was very ornate, and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress, but your purse is on fire!" ___________________________________________________ Jeff was out playing golf and he had his usual caddy with him. "Caddy, why didn't you see where that ball went?" "Well, it doesn't usually go anywhere. You caught me off guard." ___________________________________________________
How would you like to live on a "shanty-boat?" It would be interesting for a while as long as I didn't have to stay in one place.
>From Beth: Office Memo: "Whoever used the milk in the small plastic container that was in the refrigerator yesterday, please do NOT own up to it. I would find it forever after difficult to meet your gaze across a cafeteria table whilst having a discussion about java applets or brand identity. Just be aware that that milk was EXPRESSLY for my baby, if you get my drift. I will label these things from now on, but if you found your coffee tasted just a little bit unusual this morning, you might think about calling your mom and telling her you love her." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 18 in 0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius' will and proclaims Caligula emperor. 1123 The first Lateran Council (9th ecumenical council) opened in Rome. 1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to Rome. 1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the Mississippi River. 1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act. 1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government service. 1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. The work was in Pennsylvania. 1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to Portillo Pass. 1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights with the islands to the U.S. 1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in Madison Square Gardens. 1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone. 1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first concession to access Baghdad by rail. 1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter to become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. It was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin. Constantine I succeeded him. 1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost 20,000. 1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning. 1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over 1,000 people were killed. 1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison for civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of the sentence. 1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas explosion at a school in New London, TX. 1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on its soil. 1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant women. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's war against France and Britain during the meeting. 1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World War II. 1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans during World War II. 1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. 1945 Maurice "Rocket" Richard became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 50 goals. 1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and capture Communist held Sungmen. 1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted for a cataract patient. 1953 An earthquake hit West Turkey killing 250 people. 1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. The person was Howard Hughes. 1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill. 1962 French and Algerian rebels agreed to a truce. 1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker Algeria. 1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision concerning legal council for defendants. 1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve. 1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the 'secret' bombing of Cambodia. 1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal strike. 1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers out of Laos. 1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed 200. 1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five- month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to Hanoi. 1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett. The next day she was deported. 1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested in Texas in 1966. 1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew to Sarah Ferguson. 1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear, polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to thwart counterfeiters. 1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site. 1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million making it the largest art robbery in history. 1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops in Egypt. 1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 1990 In Tampa, FL, a little league player was killed after being hit with a pitch. 1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion. 1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that would give legal equality to blacks. 1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his country must deepen reforms and raise living standards of workers and farmers. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, March 17 Happy St Patrick's Day! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 17 in 1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean off of Spain. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award: Man trying to transport meth in Canada busted when navigation takes him to Port Huron bridge ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. --- Cullen Hightower _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Why do the Irish always fight amongst themselves?" "Everybody else is relatively sober by comparison" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Constantine Xethalis, PORT HURON, Michigan. Man trying to transport meth in Canada busted when navigation takes him to Port Huron bridge A man who was allegedly attempting to transport meth from Montreal to Calgary was busted when his iPhone navigation took him to a border checkpoint - Port Huron's Blue Water Bridge. U.S. Customs and Border Protection inspected a Canadian vehicle at the bridge on Wednesday, driven by Constantine Xethalis. Two others were also in the vehicle, probably to ensure that he did not sell the dope along the way. After they were unable to provide proof of citizenship, the vehicle was searched. Officers found approximately 10 pounds of meth in tablet form. Xethalis told police he has a $2,000 gambling debt. In exchange for waiving the debt, he agreed to transport "something" to Calgary. He said he was also asked to drive two others from Toronto to Calgary. Xethalis made the pickups in Toronto. The group then used navigation to get to Calgary, according to the criminal complaint. The navigation guided them to the Blue Water Bridge. Officers believe there is probably cause Xethalis did knowingly and unlawfully possess with the intent to distribute approximately 4.4 kilos of a mixture or substance containing a detectable amount of meth. He will face charges. Xethalis has been charged with possession with intent to distribute controlled substances and importation of a schedule I controlled substance.
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From: Wanda Re: Spam Dear DearWebby My spam is up to over two hundred per day. I know you keep telling me to quit whining and get Mailwasher, but I don't have time to learn how to make the filters that you keep talking about. Is there ANY other way to stop spam? Wanda Dear Wanda Yes, there are other ways. Two of them: 1) Rent more senators than the spammers did, and get them to stop protecting spammers and put in some effective laws against spam or 2) Teach some members of the militant wings of the Hells Angels or the Klu-Klux-Klan to become web literate and wait for their reaction to spam. If those alternatives are a bit beyond your budget, conquer your fear of filters and try MailWasher! Once you see how easy it actually is to make filters, you will be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. It is so easy that I doubt you will ever bother to read the instructions. Because I have business addresses that I can not change, and because I have had them the same for dozens of years, I get a LOT of spam and average 1500 pieces of mail per day. 93% of that is spam. I would go totally nuts trying to deal with that by hand. Instead, MailWasher makes me smile every morning when it shows just a few emails but says in the status line something like: ... mails not shown in list. I hit F6, and ... pieces of spam get flushed to hell, unread, and without even having been shown in the list. There is no other computer program that makes me smile as much. Just take that first step, click on the Mailwasher button, and get it. Have Fun! DearWebby
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Paddy is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him, and his mother won't take him back.
"St. Patrick's Day Engagement" An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took a close look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Recycling Used Paint Thinner You don't need to discard paint thinner that has been used for cleaning paint brushes. Put used paint thinner into a glass or metal container with a tight fitting lid. The paint particles will sink to the bottom leaving you with clear paint thinner towards the top. Just pour off the clear paint thinner and discard the paint particles. Before disposing of any paint, even paint particles, check with your local waste management to find out the correct way to dispose of your paint. Pouring it over obnoxious weeds in the driveway often annoys them, but rarely kills them. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Pat Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room." ___________________________________________________ Maureen called the police. "My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!" The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window. "See what I mean, officer." The policeman scratched his head and said, "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head." Maureen replied, "Crazy fool, just put a chair on that dresser over there and stand on that! ___________________________________________________
Riding the rails on a bike!
The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 17 in 0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland celebrates this day in his honor. 1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the first time. The event took place at the Crown and Thistle Tavern. 1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused resentment and violent opposition in the North American colonies. 1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the Revolutionary War. 1868 Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 1870 Wellesley College was incorporated by the Massachusetts legislature under its first name, Wellesley Female Seminary. 1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in the United States. 1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in Mississippi. 1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of Gibraltar. 1901 In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at the Bernheim Gallery. 1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by strikes. 1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the public exactly 2 years later. 1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 1917 Americas first bowling tournament for ladies began in St. Louis, MO. Almost 100 women participated in the event. 1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 1930 In New York, construction began on the Empire State Building. Excavation at the site began on January 22. 1942 Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna back into the stone age. 1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley announced that they had created a new radioactive element. They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet and went to India. 1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos. 1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean off of Spain. 1969 Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. 1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of facts in the My Lai massacre case. 1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in order to achieve desegregation. 1973 Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off that was meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were killed by government troops. 1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with Canada on acid rain. 1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm that brought power outages over large regions of Eastern Canada. 1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide car-bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 1992 White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give legal equality to blacks. 1995 Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be received at the White House. 1998 Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F. Ahmanson and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created the nation's seventh-largest banking company. 1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the cult. 2004 NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter into orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000 pictures before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on April 30, 2015. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, March 16 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 16 in 1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-fuel rocket. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Rapist got 32 years ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There it was, hidden in alphabetical order. --- Rita Holt You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," the patient said sadly. ______________________________________________________ Purple Tits _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Choncey Milan Stewart, 18, St Paul, Minnesota Gunman-instigator in two teens Harriet Island rape gets 32 years in prison The last of four young men involved in the brutal rape of two teens on Harriet Island during the summer of 2017 received 32 years in prison for his role in the attack. Ramsey County District Judge Timothy Mulrooney on Friday sentenced Choncey Stewart, 18, on two counts of aiding and abetting first-degree criminal sexual conduct, two counts of kidnapping and four counts of first-degree aggravated robbery. The sentence was lower than the roughly 50 years prosecutors sought. Choncey Milan Stewart, 18 Authorities say Stewart, who was 16 at the time, was the instigator and gunman during the incident, which took place around 11 p.m. June 5. He and three others Devontre Jordan Vann, 20, Deandray Artez Easley, 20, Vershone Jaquay Hodges, 21 encountered a group of four teens two girls and their two male friends on Harriet Island that night. After exchanging some words Stewart knew one of them the group forced the boys to strip to their underwear and lie in the grass as three of the young men, including Stewart, took turns raping the girls. All the while Stewart had the gun, and often used it to threaten the victims. Three of the four victims were minors. One of the girls was 18 at the time. Previously, the longest sentence in the case went to Easley, the only one of the four to take his case to trial. Easley was sentenced to 30 years in prison. Hodges and Vann received 25 and 23 years, respectively, after reaching plea deals. Stewarts sentence came about two months after he pleaded guilty to the charges. He and his friends had gone to the park that night to shoot a music video, according to court testimony from the others cases. They were high on Xanax and drunk on tequila at the time of the assaults. Both of the female victims spoke at a previous sentencing hearing, where they described through tears how they struggle with ongoing panic attacks, severe depression, sleeplessness and hopelessness since the assault.
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From: Bill Re: OpenOffice vs Office Libre Dear DearWebby I believe that you recommend LibreOffice rather than Open Office. I believe that there is a very slight edge of one over the other. All the best. Bill Dear Bill Apache OpenOffice is behind LibreOffice in release numbers. That means Libre has more frequent, smaller, updates, and Apache has less frequent, but bigger updates. Neither of those are earth shaking events, but may affect bragging rights on some school buses. In actual operation, there is very little difference. The average user might not see too many differences between these open-source office suites. At most, if you looked at them side- by-side, you'd see the Apache OpenOffice sidebar is on by default, in Libre you have to click on VIEW, Sidebar. Big deal. The same with the rest of the programs. They all do the same, but the advantage is yours. Whatever you are used to, stick with it. Have Fun! DearWebby
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When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us. "So what changed your mind?" I asked him. "I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'"
One year my wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the conditions we might run into, we drove on. Sure enough, we had gone only a short way up the High Rain Forest road when we saw a sign: "Ice 10 miles." Five miles farther on there was another: "Ice 5 miles." The next one was: "Ice 1/2 mile." We practically crept that half-mile. We came to the last sign. It was outside a small grocery, and it read: "Ice 75 cents." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Ironing Shirts Start by ironing sleeves, cuffs, belts and collars before ironing the body of the shirt. This will prevent you from having to re-iron the body of the shirt. When ironing collars, iron from the corners inward to prevent wrinkles on the ends of the collars. NOW you tell me! After I sold my iron at the yard sale. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A 93 year old man went to his doctor to get a physical. A week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with an attractive young woman on his arm. At the man's next visit, the doctor said, "I saw you with a young lady the other day. You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." ----------------------- Any hot mamas left out there? ___________________________________________________ A very beautiful, but not so bright lady schedules a three-hour session with her therapist, and all she wants to talk about is how the constant pressure of being a beautiful, desirable blonde is causing her migraine headaches. For two hours straight, she whines, and cries, and moans about how hard it is to be so sexy, while everyone in the world is jealous of her, and says mean things about her, and calls her dumb, and self-centered, and shallow . . . At the two-and-a-half-hour mark, the blonde suddenly stops in mid sentence and shouts, "Doctor! You're a miracle worker! I'm cured! My headache is gone!" The shrink sighs and replies, "No, it isn't gone. . . I have it now." ___________________________________________________
Our best adventures were from getting lost, which is easy for me since I'm directionally challenged.
A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper sign advertising his services. So he told a kid to paint a sign board for him & put it above his clinic entrance. Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself. One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small wooden board to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapist into the 3 words. His new sign read: Psycho- the- rapist ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 16 in 1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of Kanvaha in India. 1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan tribe in Maine who spoke English. 1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 1882 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty allowing the United States to join the Red Cross. 1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was completed at Glasgow. 1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the inauguration of Gomez. 1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at Newport News, VA. 1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-fuel rocket. 1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated the Versailles Treaty. 1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed after spending a year in jail. 1946 India called British Premier Attlee's independence off contradictory and a propaganda move. 1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 1964 Paul Hornung and Alex Karras were reinstated to the NFL after an 11-month suspension for betting on football games. 1964 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson submitted a $1 billion war on poverty program to Congress. 1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting mostly of women and children. The event is known as the My-Lai massacre. 1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing urban guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of new nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the support for one another's internal enemies. 1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was kidnapped by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken hostage in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 1987 "Bostonia" magazine printed an English translation of Albert Einsteins last high school report card. 1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North, Vice Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security Council, and two others for their involvement in the Iran-Contra affair. 1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved Gorbachev's agrarian reform plan. 1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved large-scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100 members to the Congress of People's Deputies. 1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for human consumption. 1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also banned from amateur figure skating. 1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade plutonium. 1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to visit the Russian space station Mir. 1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders. 1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption and financial mismanagement. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, March 15 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Re PIE DAY yesterday: 3 14, officially pi day, but jokingly called PIE day in hopes, somebody will donate a slice of pie. Well, neither of the people, who know how to bake a pie, did. Michael in Hawaii told me that WiFi attenuates with the SQUARE of the distance, not the cube, like I had erroneously stated. Sorry about that! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 15 in 1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Man who used fridge to try and smuggle 10 Vietnamese nationals into UK is jailed ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) Ideas are a dime a dozen. People who implement them are priceless. --- Mary Kay Ash _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ciprian Scorteanu, 45, In Jail now in England Man who used fridge to try and smuggle 10 Vietnamese nationals into UK is jailed A Romanian man has been jailed after trying to smuggle 10 Vietnamese nationals, including eight children, into the UK in an adapted fridge in his lorry. Ciprian Scorteanu had his heavy goods vehicle stopped by Border Force Officers at the Port of Hull on October 27, 2018. The 45-year-old was questioned by officers who, after becoming unsatisfied with his responses, decided to impound his trailer for 48 hours so that they could search its cargo of used tyres. Scorteanu was allowed to leave the port in the trailers tractor unit and return two days later on October 29. However, just hours after letting him go, officers made an alarming discovery after noticing steam coming from the roof of the trailers refrigeration unit. The façade of the unit was removed and inside, officers found 10 people, including eight children, hiding inside a specially adapted fridge. Mark Robinson, Humberside assistant director for Border Force said: This was a deliberate attempt to bypass the UKs border controls. The trailer had been adapted for the sole purpose of smuggling. He said that without the expertise of his officers, the Vietnamese nationals could have been trapped in the confined conditions for 48 hours, with the risks to their welfare obvious. He added: Border Force officers are on the frontline keeping our borders safe and secure. We will continue to work with law enforcement colleagues to ensure that people smugglers and traffickers, who often put the lives of others at risk through their actions, face the consequences of their crimes. After finding the Vietnamese nationals, police were alerted and Scorteanu was arrested the same day in Lincolnshire. The investigation was passed to Immigration Enforcement Criminal and Financial Investigation (CFI) officers and Scorteanu was charged with assisting unlawful immigration into the UK. It is believed the 10 Vietnamese nationals were trapped in the fridge for 36 hours from when Scorteanu started his journey in Germany. They had no food and were only given water to drink. Katie Brown, from CFI, said: Scorteanus callous disregard for their safety is frightening. The Vietnamese men found in the fridge were refused entry to the UK and removed to Rotterdam in The Netherlands. The eight children were taken into the care of social services. Scorteanu, who did not have a fixed UK address, was jailed for four years and six months at Hull Crown Court on March 7 having admitted the offence at an earlier hearing.
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From: Donnie Re: OpenOffice compatibility Dear DearWebby I suggested Open Office to a friend's son who is a college student on a snug budget. His on-line assignments require WORD. Will Word open an Open Office document? I tried a sample document on my computer, but was not successful. Is there any trick that will work easily? Thanks once again for all of your help. Donnie Dear Donnie Yes, I realize that some colleges accept bribes from Microsoft dealers for insisting that only Microsoft products be allowed. Word can't open Open Office documents, it is way too primitive for that. However, Open Office can save documents as Word Documents. Open office is OPEN. It works on UNIX, Linux, Windows and Mac, and it can save documents and spreadsheets in just about any format. That's why it is called OPEN, and why the business world is switching to it. Kids limited to WORD will soon have a hard time competing with those who are comfortable with OPEN. The more progressive colleges have already realized that and switched to OPEN Office. Just tell him to save the documents in Word format, so that the backward teacher can read it. Word does work just fine on WORD documents, it is just a bit limited outside that narrow alley. Have Fun! DearWebby
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Had a friend whose Grandpa lived with 'em... He was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular... "When I was a boy, my momma could send me to the store, and I'd get a ham, a quart of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a comic book... all fo' a quarter!! You can't DO that no mo'... ...them daing video cameras is ever'where ya look......"
Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break. When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him. "Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Swimming Pool Covers Evaporating water requires tremendous amounts of energy. It only takes 1 BTU (British thermal unit) to raise 1 pound of water 1 degree, but each pound of 80 degree F water that evaporates takes a whopping 1,048 BTU of heat out of the pool. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ LOCAL MAN WINS 'EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AWARD' FOR 23RD STRAIGHT MONTH Chuck Rogers, a self employed marketing consultant, has won his company's 'Employee of the Month Award' for a record 23 months in a row. Said Rogers, "I began the award program nearly two years ago when my psychologist and business coach suggested that I needed to create a company plan for maintaining employee moral and building self-esteem." Rogers, who works alone from his home office, has received 100% of the votes for the 'Employee of the Month Award' since its inception. Said Rogers, "It feels really good every time I win the award. I am always surprised and flattered when the winner is announced. But the best part is that I get to use the special parking spot set aside for the winner. It is right next to the house. You can't imagine what a benefit that has been!" ___________________________________________________ I was a second lieutenant in the Army, learning to fly light aircraft at Fort Sill, Okla. One day I made a perfectly smooth landing. At last! To my horror, when I stepped on the brakes nothing at all happened. "What'll I do now?" I shouted to my instructor. "The brakes failed!" "I'm not surprised," he growled. "We're still two feet in the air." ___________________________________________________
This guy's art work with flowers is amazing!
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it. The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence across the North Border of the State of Nebraska. . . . the idea being, to stop that cold wind. It might've worked, too. The barbed wire they used was strong enough, .but the real problem was that a couple owners of farms on the upper border kept leaving their gates open. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 15 in 44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by a herd of high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first New World voyage. 1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage around the world. 1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near the city of Gallatin, TN. 1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach Alexandria, LA. 1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey, was named the first American cardinal. 1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England was played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs. 1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting machine. 1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was the first escalator. 1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the Anglo- German accord of October 1900. 1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work after a weeklong strike. 1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled Port Arthur in Korea. 1907 In Finland, women won their first seats in the Finnish Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 1910 Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by Dutch artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the work. 1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 1919 The American Legion was founded in Paris. 1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the country gained nominal independence from Britain. 1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned four Berlin newspapers. 1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook County Hospital. 1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of Czechoslovakia. 1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence after agreement on a constitution. 1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years after the end of World War II. 1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops for the fight in Vietnam. 1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 1954 CBS television debuted its "Morning Show." 1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve. 1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married. 1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling gold. 1979 Pope John Paul II published his first encyclical "Redemptor Hominis." In the work he warned of the growing gap between the rich and poor. 1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state of siege and suspended the nation's constitution for one day. This came a day after anti-government rebels destroyed two bridges near the Honduran border. 1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end with the installation of a civilian government. 1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes were found in Philadelphia, PA. Unions in the US were against Chilean imports. 1989 The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 14th Department in the President's Cabinet. 1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president of the Soviet Union. 1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force in the Baltic republic. 1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a week of anit-communist protests. 1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear testing until September of 1995. 1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to demand independence for Kosovo. 1998 CBS' "60 Minutes" aired an interview with former White House employee Kathleen Willey. Wiley said U.S. President Clinton made unwelcome sexual advances toward her in the Oval Office in 1993. 2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally by a fast food chain. 2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning her five children on June 20, 2001. 2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear arms against states that don't have them. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, March 14 PIE DAY! Thank you, Michael!! Thank you, Bill!! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 14 in 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba ensuring the victory of Castro and the Communists. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Two Memphis officers arrested hours apart are latest in string of officer arrests ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois. --- Gustave Flaubert (1821 - 1880) "To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost." ---Gustave Flaubert "The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not." --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ From Jean A 'Republican' is Sitting in a Bar A union boss walks in from the factory next door and is about to order a beer when he sees a guy at the far end of the bar wearing a TRUMP Make America Great Again cap with two beers sitting in front of him. The union boss doesn't need to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican, so he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here, bartender.... but not for the Republican'. Soon after the drinks have been passed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the 'Union Boss'. After a few minutes, the union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Republican. He nods and smiles, and again yells, "Thank you!" A few more minutes pass and the union boss orders another round of drinks for everyone except the Republican. Frustrated that he can't seem to get the guy angered, the union boss asks the bartender, "What is wrong with that Republican? I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the dummy does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts...?" "Nope," replies the bartender. He owns the place." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Xavier Chin, 20, Seminole County, Floriduh Two Memphis officers arrested hours apart are latest in string of officer arrests While Memphis always has a lot of officers arrested and in the clink, it is relatively rare that they arrest two within hours in separate incidents. The first arrest happened just before 9 p.m. Thursday, when police said Officer Dartelle Joyner got into a fight with a woman inside of an East Memphis restaurant. Police said a security guard tried to break it up, which is when the nine-year veteran of the police department allegedly went to his car, got an axe and used it to threaten the security guard. The security guard managed to disarm and arrest Officer Dartelle Joyner. Less than an hour later, authorities said Ozell Toles hit a utility pole while driving under the influence. The 18-year MPD veteran now faces multiple charges. Both officers were relieved of duty pending investigations by the department. Both he and Sargent say they trust the majority of officers. The Memphis Police Department has not commented on these latest arrests.Moving Furniture and Wall Art Wrap furniture in plastic to keep them clean and together. You can also stand them on their end to save space. When you take down paintings and prints, tape hooks and nails used to hang them to the back of the frame. Use a large piece of cardboard to protect the front of prints and paintings. Thriftyfun.com It is a good idea to patch nail holes immediately, so that you don't forget one and blow your damage deposit. You can get tubes or little tubs of wall patch at most hardware stores, even pre-colored in common wall colors. In a pinch, you can fake it with a paste made from flour and water. To remove nails without damaging the wall, grab them with small vise-grips or pliers, and turn them 3 full rotations, then ease them out while continuing to turn in the same direction. Don't reverse direction! The smaller the hole, the easier it is to make it invisible. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
From: David Re: Safari Dear DearWebby What's this with Safari? I thought you were solidly on the Windows side! Which browser do you really recommend now? David Dear David For max speed, the Chinese Maxthon seems to be best For max compatibility, Chrome seems best For the most tricks and gimmicks, FireFox is best For reading long text pages, Safari is best. Safari is slow, buggy and can't cope with a lot of stuff, but it's font rendering is a class better than the rest. Have Fun! DearWebby
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Marketing Guy: Why haven't you kept me up-to-date on this account? Ops Guy: I've cc'd you on every e-mail I sent to them! Marketing Guy: I don't have time to read my e-mails. There's too much information in them. If you send me an important e-mail, give me a call to let me know I need to check it.
Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes. One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com
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___________________________________________________ >From Mona I sat with my infant son in front of the TV, hostage to my husband's channel-surfing. He eventually settled on an R-rated movie in which the actress was soon topless. "Honey, change the channel," I said, shielding my son's eyes. "He shouldn't see this." "It's okay." my husband replied. "He probably thinks it's the Food Network." ___________________________________________________ There were two good ol' boys from the South, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got." The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?" "Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet." ___________________________________________________
Decorative cranes by paper artist. It's hard for me to pick a favorite, they are all beautiful. See if you can pick a favorite?
Custom at Duquesne University dictated that if a professor was ten minutes late, class was canceled. One professor arrived early for a 9 a.m. lecture. He placed his hat on his desk, and went to the faculty room. Before he knew it, it was 9:10. By the time he got back to his classroom, it was empty. The next day, he let his students have it. "When my hat is here," he fumed, "I'm here!" The following day, the professor arrived at 9 a.m. He was met by the sight of 28 hats on 28 desks -- and no students. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 14 in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston's Faneuil Hall. 1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across the Channel. 1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's laws of heredity. 1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama. 1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after their war. 1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with Germany in naval strength. 1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 1912 An anarchist named Antonio Dalba unsuccessfully attempted to kill Italy's King Victor Emmanuel III in Rome. 1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes. 1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the Chilean coast. 1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with the Central Powers. 1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an income tax report. 1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed suicide. 1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge is God and itself. 1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its independence. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. 1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the Royal Air Force Dumbuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba ensuring the victory of Castro and the Communists. 1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases were hit. 1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were married or would get married. 1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard the plane. 1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in its 23-year history. 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. 1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic militants. 1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al- Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, March 13 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 13 in 1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Florida man crashes car then led police on bizarre nude foot chase ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --- Jane Caminos Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves." ______________________________________________________ Rufous Kingfisher _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Xavier Chin, 20, Seminole County, Floriduh Florida man crashes car then led police on bizarre nude foot chase Xavier Chin, 20, abandoned his vehicle after the crash in Seminole County, Florida on Sunday evening and began to run from responding deputies without any clothes on. Cellphone video showed the strange sight as Chin jogged through a field in an attempt to escape. Officers followed Chin as he ran in between homes trying to lose the police, according to ClickOrlando. About a mile away from the crash sight, Chin broke into the home of a man who was making dinner. Chin, who was covered in mud and blood, darted into the mans bedroom and jumped in his bed with hopes that police would never find him under the strangers sheets. A short time later, deputies found Chin, who had thoroughly dirtied up the residents bed. He was arrested and taken to a local emergency room where he was treated for injuries he sustained in the crash. Chin was charged with burglary, hit-and- run, criminal mischief and resisting arrest. He was booked at Seminole County Jail on Monday and his bail was set at $18,000.
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From: Eddie Re: Length of network cable Dear DearWebby Thanks for the info, but I have had some calls that stated that their modem/router was mor than 50 feet, and also I have this one guy there at the center that stated that after 25 ft. you will lose you connection speed. So I wonder if is in the wiring that they are making now and or what type of ethernet cord do you recommend? Eddie Dear Eddie The recommended maximum length for a cat5 or cat5e cable is 328 feet or 100 meters. CAT 6 is rated for 250Mhz up to a distance of 1000 meters. Those clowns should read what's written on the packages! Under 25 feet you don't really need cable, unless you have to go around a welder or a safe, because wireless is normally very fast for the first 25 feet anyway. With wireless it drops off with the cube of the distance, same as light. Twice the distance is 2 x 2 x 2 8 times less signal strength. 3 times further is 27 times less signal strength. 4 times further is 64 times less signal strength. With cable you don't have that problem. Cat 5 and Cat 6 are nicely shielded and since there is no real current flowing, there is no noticeable voltage drop. The network cards use CMOS transistors, that act like closed loop hydraulics. They transmit the push-pull impulses, but nothing flows out at either end. Keep in mind that on the other side of the modem is a crude and unshielded phone line that simultaneously also carries fax and voice and muzak and a pretty serious 60 cycle hum. The modem just peels off the high frequency, cleans it up a bit and forwards it down the ethernet cable. If the signal coming TO the modem is reasonably good, don't worry about the length of the ethernet cable. Have Fun! DearWebby
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The old gentlemen was aging more rapidly than he wanted. "Your gout is getting worse." said the doctor. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "WHAT!" said the man. "Just so's I can walk a little better? If it wasn't for those things I wouldn't get out of my rocker in the first place !"
Woman: He's very successful. I'm sure he's a millionaire by now, and he's only 26. He never even graduated from college. Girl: I'm soooooo jealous. I wish I didn't have an education. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Avoid Bouncing Checks Bouncing checks almost always ends up being a lot more costly than sending in a late payment. Checks clear almost immediately these days, so track your spending closely. Always keep a buffer in your account and sign up for overdraft protection with your bank. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said. "Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick." "What did you do?" "I hid his teeth!" ___________________________________________________ >From Jan Passport Photo Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her. "Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one." ___________________________________________________
Amazing Friesian horses.
>From Adam "My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 13 in 0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of Virginia. 1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American army. 1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 1868 The U.S. Senate began the impeachment trial of President Andrew Johnson. 1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 1878 The first collegiate golf match was played between Oxford and Cambridge. 1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300 million. 1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for donations. 1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in France. 1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been declared by President Roosevelt. 1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem confirming some biblical history. 1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a treaty in Moscow. 1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the U.S.S.R. 1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in the U.S. Army. 1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tank units were stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost of caring for war refugees. 1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time in newspapers across the country. 1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 1972 "The Merv Griffin Show" debuted in syndication for Metromedia Television. 1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 1988 The board of trustees off Gallaudet University in Washington, DC, chose I. King Jordan to be its first deaf president. The college is a liberal arts college for the hearing- impaired. 1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Alaskan oil spill. 2002 Fox aired "Celebrity Boxing." Tonya Harding beat Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce beat Barry Williams and Todd Bridges defeated Vanilla Ice. 2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic missile. 2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, upright-walking humans that were descending the side of a volcano. 2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica announced it would discontinue its print edition. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, March 12 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 12 in 1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first time in America. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Aw3ard: Fake Arizona nun busted for trafficking fentanyl ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965) Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk. --- Andy Gibb _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "Per your request, I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' already on it. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again!'" ______________________________________________________ Tibet _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Esther Gomez De Aguilar, 53, Jose Aguilar Diaz, 52, Yuma, Arizona Fake Arizona nun busted for trafficking fentanyl This is one twisted sister! An Arizona woman dressed as a nun and carrying a Bible on her lap was busted trafficking $90,000 in the synthetic opioid drug fentanyl, according to police. Esther Gomez De Aguilar, 53, of Yuma was sporting a veil while driving with her husband when an officer pulled them over for a traffic violation in Eloy on Monday, Pinal County cops said. The cop, who unleashed a drug-sniffing dog, searched De Aguilar and found pounds of fentanyl powder and pills in her purse and stashed under her clothes, police said in a Facebook post. The couple was hauling a total of 8.5 pounds of fentanyl enough to kill hundreds of people, cops said. You can see they will use any means to conceal what they are doing, Pinal County Sheriff Mark Lamb said in a Facebook post. Fentanyl is extremely dangerous. All it takes is the equivalent of 4 to 5 grains the size of sand to kill you. De Aguilar and her husband, Jose Aguilar Diaz, were charged with possession and transportation of narcotics for sale.
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From: Tom Re: Saved Cookies Dear DearWebby Deleting cookies does not necessarily delete passwords on CCleaner. Both under Internet Explorer and Windows Explorer on the Index page there is a heading called "Saved Passwords". Unclick those and problem is solved. I have had problems with Amazon in the past and I do not save that password. Yes, it's a PIA to enter it each time but better that than getting hacked. Have a great weekend (lol) tom Thanks, Tom! Have Fun! DearWebby
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A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk.
Early in the Civil War, when the Union armies were suffering repeated defeats, Abraham Lincoln was discussing the war situation with his cabinet. "How many men do you estimate are in the Confederate army?" a cabinet member asked. "About a million and a half," said Lincoln. "That many?" said another member. "I thought the number was considerably less." "So did I," said Lincoln, "but every time one of our generals lose a battle, he insists that he was outnumbered three to one - and we have about 500,000 men." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Rain Checks If a store runs out of an item that is on sale, ask them for a rain check. Rain checks allow you to pay the sale price for the item at a later date. If the store can't give you a rain check, take the ad to a competitor to see if they will price match. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." ___________________________________________________ "I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours." ___________________________________________________
Photo of one in a million yellow cardinal.
After years of his wife's pleading, the rich, good old boy finally went with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself. It was such a damn good sermon, sir!" "PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, I put $5,000.00 in that there collection box." "HOT DAMN, that's damn generous !" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 12 in 1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II granted land in the New World to his brother James (The Duke of York). 1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first time in America. 1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to leave the country. 1857 "Simon Boccanegra" by Verdi debuted in Venice. 1884 The State of Mississippi authorized the first state- supported college for women. It was called the Mississippi Industrial Institute and College. 1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic telephone system. 1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory. 1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out of office by continued civil strife. 1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for Britain. 1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the conflict with El Salvador. 1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of infantile paralysis. 1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name was Girl Guides. 1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized his defiance of British rule over India. 1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be flown side by side. 1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt presented his first presidential address to the nation. It was the first of the "Fireside Chats." 1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of Nebraska. 1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the statehood of Hawaii. 1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a single season. 1974 "Wonder Woman" debuted on ABC-TV. The show later went to CBS-TV. 1984 Lebanese President Gemayel opened the second meeting in five years calling for the end to nine-years of war. 1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in Geneva. 1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points against the Atlanta Hawks. 1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway. 1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new cabinet to end civil war. 1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit. 1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British Commonwealth. 1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major military bases. 1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S. attorney general. 1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with a head and neck attached. 1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid might collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off by 600,000 miles. 1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 2002 U.S. homeland security chief Tom Ridge unveiled a color- coded system for terror warnings. 2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed merger worth $15.6 billion. 2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously worked at the Smart home. 2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be renamed Willis Tower. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, March 11 In case you didn't notice, now all your clocks are right again! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 11 in 1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Globalism is the fashionable word for Global Communism. Don't be fooled! --- Socratex When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. --- Jonathan Swift (1667 - 1745) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoes, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it: "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?" "Oh," said the sales clerk, "that's to carry spare change, so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ T-SHIRT PHILOSOPHY The gene pool could use a little chlorine. AOC's IQ test score is back and the results were negative. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up Procrastinate now Rehab is for quitters My dog can lick anyone Party - my crib - two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt) Finally 21, and legally able to do what I've been doing since 15 ______________________________________________________ Serenity Nebula _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ernest Ray, 55, Pikeville, Kentucky Eastern Kentucky man indicted on multiple sex trafficking charges (pimping minors) U.S. Marshals arrested a Pike County man on sex trafficking charges. Ernest Ray, 55, of Pikeville is facing five counts of sex trafficking of minors. Ray appeared in U.S. District Court Wednesday and is facing the charges ranging between 2010 and 2016. The federal indictment also states that Ray is facing six counts of drug trafficking. Ray was indicted on the charges on February 28th. Ray was taken to the Pike County Detention Center on Tuesday. In court on Wednesday, Ray pleaded not guilty to all charges. A trial date is set for May 13th. If convicted, Ray faces potential life in prison for each of the sex trafficking charges. Pleading "not guilty" and forcing the juveniles to testify the gory details will negate any please for leniency.
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From: Charles Re: Cookies and Passwords Dear DearWebby Every time I delete the cookies, all my passwords are gone. Is there a way around that ? Charles Dear Charles That is probably just a setting in your CrapCleaner. It is quite popular to dump cookies and passwords when you go on vacation, and the easiest way to do that is to dump cookies in CrapCleaner. Unless you go away or lend the machine to somebody, just leave the cookies alone. Thay are quite safe nowadays. Have Fun! DearWebby
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A woman goes to a counselor, worried about her husband's temper. The counselor asks, "What's the problem? The woman says, "I don't know what to do. Every day my husband loses his temper for no reason. It scares me." The Counselor says, "I have a cure for that. When it seems your husband is getting angry, take a double shot of Jack Daniel's and swish it in your mouth. Swish and swish, but don't swallow until he either leaves the room or calms down." Two weeks later, she goes back to the counselor, looking fresh and reborn. She tells the counselor, "That was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband started to get angry, I swished the Jack. I swished and swished, and he calmed down. How does swishing Jack Daniel's in your mouth do that? The counselor said, "The Jack Daniel's does nothing. Keeping your mouth shut is the trick.
Thanks to Annett for this story: A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die. "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly. "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, your husband will regain his health completely. If not, he will die in six months." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die in six months," she replied ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Organizing Children's Outfits If you have young children who are just learning how to dress themselves, try organizing clothing by outfit. For example, hang a pair of slacks and a matching shirt in the closet together. That way your child can just choose an outfit and get dressed. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ The sense of freshness... A new supermarket opened in Montgomery, AL. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle. The air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies. I don't buy toilet paper there any more. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this story: A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???" The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features... of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis... AND a brain?" ___________________________________________________
Have you ever felt homesick for a place you've never been? Click on the link to read about the places some feel homesick for.
A man stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for his wife. As the clerk was putting on the finishing touches on bouquet, another man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just bought our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to the other man and begged, "May I please have those roses?" "What happened?" the first man asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," the second man confided. "I crashed my wife's computer!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 11 in 537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according to William Shakespeare. 1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and the French government. 1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 1791 Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more than one patent from the U.S. Patent Office. 1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. That got him Austria and Mexico. 1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi. 1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a new constitution was adopted. 1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied Fayetteville, NC. 1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with Nicaragua. 1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's richest man. 1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New York, NY. 1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees for the sum of $80,000. 1930 U.S. President Howard Taft became the first U.S. president to be buried in the National Cemetery in Arlington, VA. 1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend- Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies. 1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a warmonger. 1947 The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was network television's first successful children's program. 1964 U.S. Senator Carl Hayden broke the record for continuous service in the U.S. Senate. He had worked 37 years and seven days. 1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his 1,000th career goal. 1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet Communist Party. 1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin- stick frozen treat for a one-stick model. 1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first democratically elected president since 1973. 1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia. 1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become the first female attorney general. 1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The incident was the worst in Japan's history. 1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, March 10 ______________________________________________________ Today, March 10 in 1910 Slavery was abolished in China. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Globalism is the fashionable word for Global Communism. Don't be fooled! --- Socratex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Nancy: Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Justin Trudeau all die and wind up in hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the Devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.. Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he's finished the Devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Trump writes him a cheque. Finally Trudeau has his turn and calls Canada for 4 hours. When he's finished, the Devil informs him that there would be No charge and to feel free to call Canada anytime. Putin and Trump go ballistic and ask the Devil why Trudeau got to call Canada for free.Ã The Devil replied, " Since Justin Trudeau became Prime Minister of Canada, the country has gone to Hell, so it's a local call! _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia game with the passengers. They asked us to guess the total number of years the three of them had worked for the airlines. After an attendant collected our estimates, we heard the announcement: "The correct answer is 26 years. For the two people who came closest with 28 years, we have prizes. And for the passenger in seat 12F who guessed 85 years, would you please step off the plane once we are airborne." ______________________________________________________ Have you ever seen a bear tree? _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Billy Wethington, Louisville, Kentucky Where's the beef? Frankfort man accused of taking $75,000 worth of beef tenderloin A Kentucky man is accused of stealing more than $75,000 of beef tenderloin over several months. News outlets report 42-year-old Billy Wethington was arrested in Louisville on Friday and charged with theft by unlawful taking. Police say Wethington worked at an undisclosed business. During each shift, they say, he's accused of shoving eight to 10 beef tenderloins into a garbage bag and putting it in his vehicle. An arrest citation says Wethington was captured on surveillance video stealing the beef. Court records show the business lost more than $75,000 and up to $100,000 over the course of eight months. The newspaper says police didn't initially reveal what Wethington did with the beef that he's accused of stealing. It's unclear if Wethington has a lawyer who could comment.
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From: Bill Re: Hyperlinks in Eudora Dear DearWebby I had another computer crash, that's the fifth since installing W10 in October, 2018. After reinstalling my programs, hyperlinks in Eudora 7 do not open in Fifefox. I have two questions: 1) How can I check for hardware problems such as motherboard. 2) How can I get the hyperlinks to work. All the best. Bill Dear Bill That is not a hardware problem. You had a 3 month grace period to revert to W7, but that is over. The hyperlinks in Eudora have worked since about 1989. No change there. Check in the Control panel, Default programs, and make sure FireFox is selected as the default program for hyper links and web pages, and not some wacky stuff like Bing or Bling or Safari or Opera or IE or Edge or the Chinesse clone of IE: Maxthon. Sure, you COULD use Chrome or any of those, but you need to install them first. I use Chrome and am quite happy with it. It is similar to FireFox but of course the settings are all shuffled around, as is common with modern programs. They don't want to get sued for copyright infringement. The program does the same stuff ever since Netscape, but the customization settings are not in the same order. You still drive the same old car, but use different gloves. Make sure Firefox, or any actually installed program is selected. Eudora does not specify which browser to use. It just yells BROWSER and Windoze then looks in the control panel and opens whichever browser is specified in there. Have Fun! DearWebby
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Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. Or, should I say, his lack of it. One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"
TWO ELDERLY WOMEN were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "He wants to go home with you!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! It will spread out the moisture more evenly. Or, toss wrinkled clothing into a dryer with a damp towel for a few minutes before ironing. Instead of using the sprayer in your iron, use a spray bottle. A spray bottle on mist offers you much more control when applying water. Thriftyfun.com____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________ FIVE YEARS AFTER my wife, Bridgid, and I were married, we received our final wedding gift -- an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: "I wanted to make sure the marriage would last." Bridgid wasn't amused, but she thought the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later. Her note read: "I wanted to be sure the ice-cream maker would last." ___________________________________________________ A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?" In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road -- - if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!" ___________________________________________________
I was golfing with a soldier who had just returned from Afghanistan. His plans included becoming a greens keeper once he was discharged in a few months. He applied to a local college for its golf course superintendent program, but the department chair worried that he might not be up for the job. "It's stressful," he said. "You have to fight the weather, insects and demanding club members." "Will anyone be shooting at me while I mow the grass?" asked the soldier. "Of course not." "I'll take the job." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 10 in 0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle of Aegusa. Most of the Roman ships were privateers, owned by businesses. 1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it back for 11 years. 1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all free men regardless of their religion. 1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He succeeded Benjamin Franklin. 1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British. 1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined Allied Army at the battle of Laon. 1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which ended the war with Mexico. 1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. 1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies in the U.S. Civil War. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you." 1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night before. 1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's first dog-licensing law. 1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men. 1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 1902 U.S. Attorney General Philander Knox announced that a suit was being brought against Morgan and Harriman's Northern Securities Company. The suit was enforcement of the Sherman Antitrust Act. Northern Securities loss in court was upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court on March 14, 1904. 1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania was quarantined with six dead from cholera. 1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at Courrieres. 1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and Malaya. 1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty. 1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding late-night work for women. 1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak in public. 1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 1941 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that their players would begin wearing batting helmets during the 1941 season. 1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain allowed food to reach France. 1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the accusation of spying on Allied troops. 1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed. 1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany. 1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid pact. 1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was convicted of treason and served 12 years in prison. 1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. They almost hit them! 1956 Julie Andrews at the age of 23 made her TV debut in "High Tor" with Bing Crosby and Nancy Olson. 1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau Valley. 1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its headquarters from Paris. 1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated the guilty plea and maintained his innocence until his death in April of 1998. 1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting age to 18. 1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town of Ban Me Thout. 1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued support of terrorism. 1986 The Wrigley Company, of Chicago, raised the price of its seven-stick pack of Wrigleys chewing gum from a quarter to 30 cents. 1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test- tube and artificial insemination. 1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after seizing power in a coup. 1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region. 1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal grand jury about the Whitewater controversy. 1995 U.S. Secretary of State Warren Christopher told Yasser Arafat that he must do more to curb Palestinian terrorists. 1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first vaccinations against anthrax. 2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the U.S. Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for the possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten the U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea. 2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event was one of several in a pattern of unusual military maneuvers. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, March 9 Today's Bonehead Award: ______________________________________________________ Today, March 9 in 1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. It still works just fine, and bears love walking on it. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Invention is the mother of necessity. --- Thorstein Veblen (1857 - 1929) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy was setting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand. "What are you selling young man?" the guy asked. "I'm not selling anything," the young man said. "I'm the Census Taker." "The what?" the man asked. "A Census Taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States." "Well," the man said, "you're wasting your time with me, I lost track of that number ages ago!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Fresh out of Army parachute school, I was about to make the first jump with my new outfit, the elite 82nd Airborne Division and I was scared. I had heard the stories about rookie jumpers who had been summarily banished from the division when their nerve failed. As soon as the green light came on, the jump master screamed, "Stand up!" but my body wouldn't obey. Then the veteran next to me came to my rescue. A look of utter contempt on his face, he took the action that enabled me to rise: he unsnapped my seat belt. ______________________________________________________ Hungry Man Dinner Tonight _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Braulio Mata, 31, Jose Garcia, 44, Ramon Aracena Alfe, 47, Dionell Duarte Hernandez,32, Yarly Mendoza-Delorbe, 20 ARDSLEY, Westchester County, New York DEA Targets Alleged Drug Mill, Walks Out with Enough Drugs To Kill 2 Million People A law enforcement raid of a residential home in Westchester County, New York, on Friday resulted in the seizure of enough fentanyl to kill about 2 million people, ABC News reported. The Drug Enforcement Agencys Tactical Diversion Squad and local police executed a search warrant in the home, which authorities believe functioned as an elaborate heroin and fentanyl mill, according to News 12 Westchester. Law enforcement discovered 6 kilos of heroin and 5 kilos of fentanyl. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says fentanyl, a synthetic opioid, is 50 times more potent than heroin and 100 times more potent than morphine. entanyl is often added to heroin, cocaine and counterfeit prescription pills without the users knowledge, leading to overdose deaths. The suspects arrested in the raid included Braulio Mata, Jose Garcia, Ramon Aracena Alfe, Dionell Duarte Hernandez and Yarly Mendoza-Delorbe, officials told WABC. The five face charges ranging from conspiracy and possession of heroin and fentanyl to resisting arrest, News 12 said. The homes landlord told WABC he rented the house in December to a Bronx couple. The landlord claimed he had no idea about any alleged illegal activity. Neighbors told News 12 the area is normally quiet, and they were surprised to hear about the alleged drug mill. However, they say they did notice cars coming and going, News 12 reported. The fentanyl alone has the potency to kill nearly over two million people, said Ray Donovan, special agent in charge of the DEAs New York division, according to ABC News. I commend the men and women in the Task Force and Tactical Diversion Squad for their quick and efficient investigation into this organization and their diligence to the safety of the residents living nearby, Donovan said. The raid was conducted by a task force that included the DEA, Westchester County police, Orangetown police, the Rockland County Sheriffs Office, Yonkers police, and the Putnam County Sheriffs Department, ABC News noted.
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>From Gyppo Dear Webby. Re Hank who has lost his browser passwords and has to keep signing in. It may be that he has recently started using CCleaner. If it's still on the default settings it will wipe all his cookies and he'll have to re-enter passwords each time. No problem to re-enter if you only visit a few password protected sites, but a bummer if you have a whole raft of them suddenly acting as if they've never seen you before. Gyppo From: Ann Re: Anti Virus Dear DearWebby I have been running AVG free addition and you likely know they now want us to pay $55.00 Us for it...If I am going to pay, and I'm willing to pay, can you tell me the best protection to pay for? Is the new AGV worth the price ? Thanks, as always for your excellant advice...I can't "click on" with out you...lol. Hugs Ann Dear Ann I use MalwareBytes on all Webby machines. It takes care of any and all Malware. Aside from that I just use an ancient FREE Spybot0Search&Destroy, about once every second year. I don't like the new version, but the ancient version is just fine. That's it. Nothing else. Anything else just slows things down. Have Fun! DearWebby
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After the service a woman went to the preacher, "Pastor, I hope you don't take it personal that my husband walked out during your sermon." "Oh, I'm so glad you told me that, because it upset me terribly," said the preacher. "What caused him to leave, if I may ask?" "Oh he's walked in his sleep since he was a child."
A burglar broke into the house of a Quaker in the middle of the night and started to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise and went downstairs with his shotgun. When he found the burglar he pointed his gun at him and said most gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Mending Holes in Screens If you have a hole in a screen door or window screen, you can mend it just like you mend a piece of clothing. Just stitch the hole shut using fine nylon thread or wire that matches the color of the screen. If it is too big to repair, you can replace the entire screen. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A guy is real drunk and gets home real late. Trying to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away from his home. He takes off his shoes as he walks up the stairs, careful not to make a noise. He quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room, when BAM, he gets hit with a cast iron frying pan. Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head and says: "Boy are you ignert! Now here's how I do it. When I get rip roaring drunk I go borry my buds low rider Harley and go screamin up and down my block a couple of times a hootin and a hollerin. I take the Harley raht up on the porch and then start screamin and a cussin. I slam open the door and scream, 'Hohney, Ah'm home! Let's get it on!' And you know what's amazin'? My wife is always sound asleep!!!" ___________________________________________________ "Get this," said the bloke to his mates. "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house." "Did he get anything?" his mates asked. "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. My wife thought it was me coming home drunk." ___________________________________________________
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his seeing-eye guide dog bit me." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 9 in 1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor. 1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern Russia by Swedish troops. 1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George Washington. 1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married. They were divorced in 1809. 1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for westward expansion of North America. 1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial teeth. 1832 Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a political office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in his run for a seat in the Illinois state legislature. 1839 The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype photo process. 1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 1859 The National Association of Baseball Players adopted the rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2-1/2 inches in diameter. 1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was appointed. 1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and Virginia (built from the remnants of the USS Merrimack fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief of the Union forces. 1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins for cue chalk. 1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to take university entrance exams. 1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal tombs of Tua and Yua. 1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were killed in the last two days of fighting. 1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in Pennsylvania. 1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the British military defense budget. 1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus over 160 feet. 1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New Deal legislation. 1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the upcoming elections would be arrested. 1945 "Those Websters" debuted on CBS radio. 1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 1954 WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first local color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators of New York City. (New York) 1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the United States. 1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the U.S. for the first time. 1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors Corporation. 1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of "boat people." 1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy. 1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 1990 Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic surgeon general. 1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights. (California) 1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally fishing off of Newfoundland. 2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 2011 Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed legislation that abolished the death penalty in his state. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, March 8 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you Claude! Today's Bonehead Award: ______________________________________________________ Today, March 8 in 1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) [Detractors] are just wrong, and that's okay. They just don't see it yet. That's what I would tell myself to keep those moments of doubt, only moments. ---Lisa Kudrow, Vasser Commencement Address, 2010 ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman drove a minivan filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. "Hey, lady," shouted a man in another car, "don't you know when to stop?" She rolled down her window and screamed at him, "What makes you think these are all mine?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A couple invites a group of friends to dinner. As they sit down at the table, the wife turns to their 6-year-old daughter and says, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replies. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answers. The daughter bows her head and says, "Lord, why on earth did I invite these ungrateful bums to dinner?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ayub Abdulrahman, Orange County, Floriduh Man throws Molotov cocktails at his own vehicle inside Orange County impound lot An Orange County man is under arrest after allegedly throwing Molotov cocktails at his own vehicle inside of an impound lot, according to an arrest report. "He came back and started throwing gas cocktail bombs over the fence on his own car," said car lot owner Darnell Adams. An arrest report says the suspect, Ayub Abdulrahman, came to get his car back after it was impounded and set it on fire instead. Adams said he was going to hand over the keys because Abdulrahman had already paid almost $300 to get this car out of the impound lot, but instead of it going home the burned-out car was stuck behind crime scene tape. Adams said he was bringing Abdulrahman his keys when surveillance cameras caught him throwing several fire bombs at the vehicle. Everything is on camera and I showed it to the cops, Adams said. I mean it's just clear as day, throwing like three, four, five gas bombs over the fence. Deputies asked WFTV not to show the rest of this video while they're in the early stages of the investigation. But the surveillance video shows exactly what Adams described. I didn't even own it anymore. He was getting it out, Adams said. 20 minutes. If he had waited twenty minutes, he would've been able to drive away in his car. Adams said he was coming around the corner with the keys and saw Abdulrahman running away. He chased after him until deputies to made an arrest. Adams said his mechanic was able to put the fire out with an extinguisher. What if he would've came back later and tried to finish the job and all my cars catch on fire? Adams said. Adams said he's especially grateful the scene is just contained to the one car. We got a paint shop in the back so it's a lot of flammable materials and he could've harmed a lot of people over here, Adams said. Deputies said the State Fire Marshal's Office is investigating the incident.
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From: Hank Re: Browser forgets passwords Dear DearWebby Dear Webby; I thoroughly enjoy your daily humor letter. Lately, I have to sign in to every page that has a password to enteer. I have W10. Is this a new MS update improvement? Thanks for your help. Keep up the good work. hank Dear Hank There are no Microsoft "Improvements". The Humor Letter is not passworded. It is just a wide open public page. Anything else depends on your browser settings. If you have traditionally set your browser to remember passwords, and then accidentally took that off, then you have to find out how to put it back on. The way to do that is, of course, different for each browser. Find out which browser you are using, then check the settings. That might be rather tedious, and you will probably find the answer easier by googling for that browser's privacy settings. For Chrome, for example, the info is here: Choose your privacy settings Have Fun! DearWebby
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An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. Business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I finished my very first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
The other night Kyle, 9, and and his mother were watching a commercial about Father's Day. Christal asked Kyle, "When you grow up, are you going to have children?" He immediately replied, "Yep!" Christal decided to have fun with him, so she added, "You know, you have to kiss a girl to have children." Kyle thought for a moment and then looked at his mother and said very seriously, "I'll adopt." -- ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Sap on Your Car Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted with giggles from the pretty young receptionist. "What are you laughing at?" asked Walter. "There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl. "Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife off on a month's vacation this morning; I took her to the station and kissed her good-bye." "But what about the smudge?" "As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine." Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ >From Millard During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "Hey, I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers borders on the ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe, sir, you are complaining about your room number." ___________________________________________________ The pastor of a church began his sermon with this story: "I was on a plane last week, flying from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and eventually even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could...I don't know...do something religious?'" "So I took up a collection." ___________________________________________________
How aircraft carriers work.
A rabbi is riding in a cab when they see a guy kicking a woman who's lying on the sidewalk. The cabbie zooms over, jumps out, and runs to help the lady. The rabbi rolls down the window, and starts yelling, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop the meter!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 8 in 1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King William III. 1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by other Indians. 1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at Niagara Falls, NY. 1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built across the isthmus of Panama. 1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It was the first animal control law in the U.S. 1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order of priests. 1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was spreading to Georgia. 1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's suffrage bill. 1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages in Hungary. 1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to obtain a pilot's license. 1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 1911 In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for the first time. 1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared that Britain would not support France in the event of a military conflict. 1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. 1917 The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting the cloture rule. 1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving the Parliament in Madrid. 1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time at Franklin, IN. 1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma. 1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African-American nurse to serve duty in World War II. 1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public schools was unconstitutional. 1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had quit farming over the last 2 years. 1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form the state of Indochina. 1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together. 1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days, 18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops in Vietnam. 1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 234 people were injured. 1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with poison gas. 1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700 Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total from just five years before. 1986 Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west Beirut. All four were eventually released. 1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two Army helicopters collided in midair. 1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of protest against Chinese rule. 1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security violations. 2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-the- board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Thursday, March 7 Thank you Claude! Today's Bonehead Award: ______________________________________________________ Today, March 7 in 1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in Florida. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. --- Joan Rivers (1935 - ) Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... --- Carl Zwanzig Gore is indebted to his memory for his jests and to his imagination for his facts. --- Richard Brinsley Sheridan ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." Oh, that's because most MEN who go to Heaven get there by a close shave." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man's house is on fire. No help is in sight so he takes matters into his own hands. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets is daughter and brings her ouside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then the cat. Then he goes back in "3 more times" without bringing out anybody or anything. So a bystander is curious and asks him, "Why do you keep going back into your burning house and not coming out with anything?" The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother in law." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrea Baber, 30, Springfield, Oregon Christian school teacher, who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student is sentenced to 20 months in prison A Christian school teacher who was caught by her husband having sex with her 15-year-old male student has been sentenced to just 20 months in prison. Andrea Baber, 30, was sentenced in Douglas County on Friday after she was caught having sex with the student in 2017. She pleaded guilty to three counts of third-degree rape and six counts of contributing to the sexual delinquency of a minor. As part of her plea deal, 20 other charges including sodomy and giving marijuana to a minor were dropped. She will also have to register as a sex offender. Baber, who was a teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield, was arrested in 2017 after the victim's father received an anonymous email alerting him to the relationship. The email asked the boy's father if he knew his son was in a sexual relationship with Baber. Several photos were attached to the email that showed Baber and the victim in bed together. The boy's father reported it to police. Separately, Baber's husband also filed a report with child protective services after he found his wife and the boy partially clothed in the couple's bed. Police later found that Baber had sex with the student 'on a regular basis' from 2016 onward. During her sentencing, Baber apologized to the victim and his family. 'I want to extend my apologies to the victim and his family, and I am happy to serve this sentence if it satisfies the victims family, but I know I was not justified,' Baber said, according to the News-Review. In addition to jail time, Baber has also been ordered to pay the victim $1,100 for counseling. Baber was an English teacher at Logos Christian Academy in Springfield when she started having sex with the 15-year-old student.
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From: Stacy Re: IP numbers of postcard senders Dear DearWebby To Whom It May Concern: Please advise who I need to send a preservation letter to in order to secure the sender IP address of the following Internet Greeting cards that were sent from .......... Detective Stacy H........ Domestic Violence Unit City of........ Dear Stacy Just reveal the header of the pick-up notice. You will see a line starting with X-STAMP. That line gives you all the gory details that you need. The date and time is in EST. It even tells you what kind of browser and what version the perp used. We invented and instituted that X-Stamp in 1995 to help people like you to find and stop abusers. Have Fun! DearWebby
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>From Lisa When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger.
"Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Sap on Your Car The harder the sap gets, the tougher it is to remove and the more likely it is to scratch your car's finish. Make a paste with a mild abrasive like baking soda and apply to the sap, then rub it with a rag until the sap is removed. Other products you can try are mayonnaise or WD-40. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ The day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out an employee form when I came to the section that asked: Single____, Married____, Divorced____. I marked single. Glancing at the man next to me, who was also filling out his form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he had written, 'Yes, in that order.' ___________________________________________________ >From Ed Our supervisor recently made a casual comment about my shaggy mane. He then went on to extol the virtues of a good haircut, which, he insisted, makes an elderly man look younger, and a younger man seem more mature. "How would a haircut make a middle-aged man like me appear?" I asked, trying to stump him. "Still employed," he answered. ___________________________________________________
Umbrella Magic!
Consider the man who couldn't make up his mind what to order, no matter how long and hard he studied the menu. Finally, he turned to the waiter for help. "Well," said the waiter, "today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almondine and a nice side salad, with a succulent shrimp cocktail and your choice of beverage and dessert." "That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?" "We break it to her very gently and tell her it's nothing personal!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 7 in 0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. That did not go over well! 1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No. 174,465) for his telephone. 1901 A grand jury indicted four citizens of Anderson, SC, that had been operating a slavery system in parts of South Carolina. It was determined that many African-Americans were captured while traveling, were jailed and then sent to work for local landowners. 1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black man accused of murder. 1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 1933 CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was the first daytime radio serial. 1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in Florida. 1936 Hitler sent German troops into the German Rhineland in violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at Remagen, Germany. 1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could prevent strikes. 1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice- hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 1955 "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the first time. 1955 Baseball commissioner Ford Frick said that he was in favor of legalizing the spitball. 1955 Phyllis Diller made her debut at the Purple Onion in San Francisco, CA. 1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a million miles in jet airplanes. 1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the previous two- thirds. 1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 1985 The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was released. 1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las Vegas, NV. 1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre in Katyn. 1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that does not require permission from the copyright holder. 1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters to form a union with Rumania. 1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber-optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Wednesday, March 6 Today's Bonehead Award: ______________________________________________________ Today, March 6 in 1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman and Hermann Dreser. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher. --- Victor Hugo (1802 - 1885), What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease. ---George Dennison Prentice Don't worry if your job is small, and your rewards are few. Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you! --- Socratex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The grizzled old Master Chief was conducting the course in boot camp. He growled at me: "If you were on night sentry duty and saw a figure crawling towards camp, what procedure would you follow?" "Well, Master Chief," I answered, "I'd help the officer to his quarters." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A women's lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, "Where would man be today if it were not for woman?" She paused a moment and looked around the room. "I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?" >From the back of the room came a voice, "He'd be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries." ______________________________________________________ "Pillars of Creation", part of the Eagle nebula, where new stars are forming. The tall pillar on the left is 4 lightyears tall. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dawn Renee Phillips, 58, Graham County, N.C. Bimbo arrested for knocking over 61 grave stones The Cherokee County Sheriff's Office confirms, an arrest has been made for the vandalism at a local cemetery. Authorities tell News 13, following a tip, they arrested 58-year- old Dawn Renee Phillips. Phillips is charged with 61 felony counts of desecrating grave sites. Phillips is originally from Oregon but had a Kentucky drivers license. She is currently in custody on a $125,000 bond. An update on the vandalism that took place at Lone Oak cemetery. We received information last night that the suspect and vehicle were observed at the rest area in Andrews at approximately noon yesterday. We have worked with the good folks at the Cherokee County Sheriff's Office throughout the day today. I just spoke with Cherokee County and the subject has been identified, she is from out of state. Arrest warrants are being issued at this time and she will be in our custody shortly. I want to thank everyone for sharing the photographs that were put out on Facebook, it played a major part in this subject being found and identified. Updated information will be provided as we are able to do so.
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From: Susan Re: Compressed Air versus vacuum Dear DearWebby Ever since my hubby took one of those government computer courses, he insists on using those expensive and silly compressed air cans to "clean" everything in, on or near computers, instead of using a vacuum cleaner. Is there any reason for doing that with compressed air? Susan Dear Susan No, there is absolutely no reason for blowing dirt and dust from one place to another or for blowing lose parts into inaccessible locations. It's just that puppy dogs and many men are scared of vacuum cleaners, so they come up with wimpy excuses for not using them. If you are worried about sucking up loose screws and springs, just use a clean filter bag. I have used a bag-pipe style ShopVac with shoulder strap since the days of the PC/XT (mid 80's), including a few years as mobile computer troubleshooter in the 90's, and never had any mishaps, except for occasionally tripping over the hose while running up narrow stairways, while carrying a repaired computer under the left arm, tool case in the right hand, vacuum on the back; and getting bumped by cute ladies coming down the stairs. But even that was fun. Just leave the computer plugged in but turned off. That way it is grounded and does not build up static. Use the vacuum cleaner's crevice tool and touch the bare metal at the back of computer as the first thing to clean, and you won't have any static related accidents. If you have kids, take those "compressed air" cans and heave them into the garbage. Kids like huffing them and every year a dozen or more of them die from that. Nobody ever died from using a vacuum cleaner. Have Fun! DearWebby
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After the birth of my son, a woman from the records depart- ment stopped by my hospital room to get information for his birth certificate. "Father's date of birth?" she asked. When I told her, she said, "Do you realize that his birthday is exactly nine months before your son's birth?" "No, I hadn't thought about it," I responded, "but now that you mention it, I realize that I have a daughter who turned two a couple of days before the same date." After she finished taking down all the data, she patted my hand and said, "Maybe you should start buying your husband a tie for his birthday." ------------- And get his secretary pregnant instead?
One night at the dinner table, Jill commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied John, "you just cook better now, and we can afford better steak knifes." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Sharp Blades on the Lawn Mower It's important to have sharp mowing blades. Dull blades don't cut the grass, they tear it. This causes stress to your lawn and makes it more susceptible to disease and insect problems. When grass is torn rather than cut, it can also develop a brown appearance. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward." ___________________________________________________ One of the posh hotels in Las Vegas employs my sister-in-law as a room-service attendant. During a medical convention at the hotel, she was preparing a breakfast order that consisted of fried eggs, bacon, ham, hash browns and a cheese danish. "Now that's a heart attack waiting to happen," commented a passing co-worker. "Yeah," my sister-in-law replied. "And believe it or not, it's just what the doctor ordered!" ___________________________________________________
Welcome to the Visual Dictionary Online, the dictionary with a new point of view.
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 6 in 1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 1808 At Harvard University, the first college orchestra was founded. 1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S. Congress and signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act admitted Missouri into the Union as a slave state, but prohibited slavery in the rest of the northern Louisiana Purchase territory. 1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as Toronto. 1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. 1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's Stone from the lapidarium. 1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens. 1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman and Hermann Dreser. 1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners underground. 1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed that the U.S. had failed to collect debts. 1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of bombs. 1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement with France that recognized his country as an autonomous state within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop withdrawals from India. 1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," was launched from Newport News, VA. 1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland became the independent state of Ghana. 1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal elections. 1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops to Vietnam. 1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to establish a draft lottery. 1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his defense against murder charges. 1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on oil and gas. 1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their border dispute. 1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal jobs. 1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the musical "The King and I." 1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the ownership of private property. 1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect. 1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered a week later. 1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official royal Web site. 1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself. 2015 The NASA space probe Dawn entred orbit around the protoplanet Ceres in the asteroid belt. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Tuesday, March 5 Today's Bonehead Award: New York cop arrested for making and selling guns to outlaws. ______________________________________________________ Today, March 5 in 1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated. 1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29 years. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc.. Suddenly, she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - *I* don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ While sports fishing off Melbourne Beach, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any 'gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the 'gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beach bum said. "The sharks got 'em." ______________________________________________________ Sonora Borealis. Town in foreground is Tucson. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gregg Marinelli, 38, Plattekill, New York New York cop arrested for making and selling guns to outlaws. March 2 (UPI) -- A police officer in New York City has been accused of illegally making handguns and assault weapons, then selling them to criminals, N.Y. State Police said. Gregg Marinelli, 38, a sergeant with the city's Department of Environmental Protection Police, was arrested Thursday and charged with six felonies: criminal sale of a firearm, two counts of criminal possession of a weapon, manufacture/disposition of a weapon, conspiracy and hindering prosecution, the State Police said in a news release Friday. "This has to be one of the most egregious breaches of trust that I have encountered," Orange County District Attorney David Hoovler said, according to the Times Herald-Record. "I am furious. Number one, about the leak in the case; and number two, the conduct, the possibility of putting untraceable guns on the street." Marinelli is being held in Orange County Jail in lieu of bail, which was set at $200,000 cash or $600,000 bond by Deerpark Town Court. State Police and agents with the federal Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives found gun parts, tools used to make weapons and several firearms, including at least one fully automatic assault rifle, at his home in home in Plattekill in Ulster County, 75 miles north of New York City. Many of the weapons were "ghost" guns -- meaning they were manufactured without serial numbers. They were sold to outlaw motorcycle groups and other people with criminal convictions, who are barred from owning guns, troopers said. "I am enraged that a police officer would sell exactly the types of weapons that are used to kill innocent people, including police officers," Hoovler said. "The types of 'ghost' guns which were recovered in this case are valuable to criminals precisely because they are difficult to trace. A police officer who alerts an armed drug dealer who has proudly proclaimed his status as 'outlaw' motorcycle club member, that he is the subject of police investigation, not only compromises that investigation, but puts his fellow police officers at risk." Thirteen handguns and assault rifles were recovered from others. He's accused of allegedly delivering some of the illegal guns using his marked police car. "The alleged crimes betray the oath that this officer took to protect the public," said Adam Bosch, director of public affairs for the NYC Department of Environmental Protection Police. "DEP is fully cooperating in the investigation." The arrest of Marinelli is an off-shoot of a drug trafficking case in Orange and Rockland Counties that uncovered a cocaine- dealing motorcycle club and another operation that sold pills containing fentanyl. People who bought guns from the suspect are asked to turn them in. "Those who voluntarily surrender the weapons in this manner will not be prosecuted for their possession of the weapons, although they could be prosecuted for any crimes committed with the weapons," the State Police said.
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From: John Re: No response Dear DearWebby Is it possible to detect if Angelwinks is on the Recipient's blocked sender list? If it is on the blocked senders list, how do you deal with the blocked cards? Are they regarded as being "delivered" or would you send an "unable to deliver" note? I ask this because I have been sending cards and getting a very prompt reply saying that the recipient has picked up the card but have not received any reply from the Recipient. I look forward to hearing from you. John H Dear John If you get the "has picked up.." notice, then somebody at the recipient's machine, HAS indeed picked up and viewed your card. There is no way we can tell if the person who opened and viewed the card was the intended recipient, a spouse, parent, child, room mate, the butler or employer. All the program sees is that SOMEBODY at the recipient address opened and viewed the card. You will have to contact the recipient by chat or phone to find out why you got snubbed. It is also possible that YOU have the recipient blocked, and that she is getting mighty annoyed with you. So, contact her and find out! Have Fun! DearWebby
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Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Breaking in a Baseball Glove The best way to break in a baseball glove is to use it. To speed up the process, apply a dab of shaving cream to the center of the glove and then put a baseball in the pocket. Secure the glove closed by tying a shoelace around the glove and put it between your mattresses overnight. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon. "Oh, OK!" said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!" ___________________________________________________ On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT going to help?" ___________________________________________________
Richard Branson and a group of scientists make exciting discoveries inside Great Blue Hole.
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 5 in 1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was enacted in Virginia. 1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was exempted from whipping by legislation. 1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans. 1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British troops were later convicted of manslaughter. 1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the Rio Grande. 1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to the western U.S. 1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took place in Ireland. 1868 The U.S. Senate was organized into a court of impeachment to decide charges against President Andrew Johnson. 1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake for trains. 1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt revolutionary disturbances. 1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of creating an alliance. 1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to call for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000 demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to show support for striking transit workers. 1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with France. 1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to Moscow. 1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of Montana and Nevada. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being withdrawn from banks. 1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German parliamentary elections. 1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated. 1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for military service due to war losses. 1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions into Manchuria and Iran. 1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29 years. 1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation in public schools. 1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect after 43 nations ratified it. 1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for the first time in history. 1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 1985 Mike Bossy (New York Islanders) became the first National Hockey League player to score 50 goals in eight consecutive seasons. 1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton was "a beautiful woman." 1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by the Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for banned performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25 years for peace talks. 1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station. 1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large X-ray telescope. She was the first woman to command a space shuttle mission. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, March 4 Today's Bonehead Award: Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane ______________________________________________________ Today, March 4 in 1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth *and* fresher breath. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -- Victor Hugo ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: "Lots wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, ..." when little Jason interrupted, "My mommy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Roger Dale Johnson, 45, Woodville, Alabama Alabama man tried to blow up mom with propane An Alabama man is jailed on charges of trying to blow up his mother using a propane tank in a booby-trapped storage shed. Chief Deputy Rocky Harnen of the Jackson County Sheriff's Office tells news outlets a woman called police saying she was worried her son was both on drugs and storing propane in a shed. Harnen says an officer went to the home and a small explosion occurred when the officer and the man's mother entered the building. Harnen says a small device was supposed to explode and ignite the propane, but the gas wasn't turned on. No one was hurt. Records show 45-year-old Roger Dale Johnson of Woodville is charged with attempted assault and possession of a destructive device.
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From: Carol Re: Windows Updates Dear DearWebby I'm running W7; can't pay me enough to run W10! I'm not one to download new special packs right away; I like to have them take the bugs out first. May I have your opinion of the W7 updates? Thanks, you've taught me a lot by reading your Q&A; and you've answered many question to me as well. Carol Dear Carol Don't panic. There are no new goodies in it anyway, just new bugs. Have Fun! DearWebby
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The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He never does?" she asked.
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Chopsticks as Knitting Needles In a pinch, you can use bamboo chopsticks as knitting needles. Just sharpen the tips of the chopsticks in a pencil sharpener then dull them a little so they aren't too sharp. Ask for extras the next time you get take out. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?" ___________________________________________________ "The other day a man in London dressed as Darth Vader got drunk and assaulted two men dressed as Jedi knights. He was sentenced to two months in jail and 10 more years living in his parents' basement." --- Conan O'Brien ___________________________________________________
Live view from the space station. High res.
Thanks to Minka for this story: "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 4 in 1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were the first entered into by the U.S. government. 1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 1794 The 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. Congress. The Amendment limited the jurisdiction of the federal courts to automatically hear cases brought against a state by the citizens of another state. Later interpretations expanded this to include citizens of the state being sued, as well. 1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars" flag. 1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 1902 The American Automobile Association was founded in Chicago. 1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping students in school. 1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first successful kidney transplant. 1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 1989 Time, Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. announced a plan to merge. 1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait, returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion. 1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the- job sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government- funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility treatment or abortions. 2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential election. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Sunday, March 3 Late last night I watched the launch of the SpaceX rocket with the Crew Dragon capsule. Everything went perfectly. When the used first stage did a pin-point landing on the recovery barge everybody at NASA went nuts with screaming applause. Today they will get to the space station and actually dock. Previously, with the cargo modules, they just got close enough and then used the Canadarm to fetch them and plug them in. This time, with the crew module, they will hit the air lock with their shot from Florida. You can watch that at http://space.com Don't worry if the docking is during your sleep time. They will of course record it and you can replay the historic event whenever you have time. Today's Bonehead Award: Police promise man slice of pizza to end hours-long standoff ______________________________________________________ Today, March 3 in 1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New Orleans was opened. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. --- John Holt ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ross How to Use Your IRS Rebate Check... As you may have heard, each of us will be getting a tax rebate check to stimulate the economy. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to China. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan. If we purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at yard sales, tattoo parlors and on hookers, since those are the only businesses still in the US! Trump is slowly changing that, but Pelosi will call you a racist, if you buy American stuff. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ More than anything, a young man from the city wanted to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took pity on him and gave the lad a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Evan Charles McLemore, 33, Pensacola, Florida Police promise man slice of pizza to end hours-long standoff Authorities say a Florida man accused of threatening his family ended a four-hour standoff with police after he was promised a slice of pizza. The Pensacola News Journal reports that 33-year-old Evan Charles McLemore was arrested Tuesday and charged with resisting an officer and aggravated stalking. Police say officers responded to a report of a possible battery at the Pensacola home and found McLemore had barricaded himself in a room. Officers say McLemore claimed to have a gun, so they brought in a SWAT team. Crisis negotiators eventually managed to coax McLemore out with the promise of pizza. It wasnt clear if he actually received a slice. McLemores bond was set at $105,000 bond. Jail records didnt list an attorney.
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Chuck Re: Connect Win XP to W10 computer Dear DearWebby IS THERE A WAY I CAN HOOK UP A COMPUTER RUNNING WINXP TO MY COMPUTER RUNNING W10 AND TRANSFER FILES? THANK YOU, CHUCK Dear Chuck There IS a way to directly connect them with a special cable, but that method requires serious reading of instructions. There is even a special USB cable available, that has a bridging chip in it. Don't use an ordinary USB cable! It will kill one of the two machines! A simple router is probably the easiest, and since everybody uses them, any neighbor kid can help you with the set-up, if necessary. However, it is quite simple and straightforward and nothing to worry about. Just plug both machines into the router, Open the little manual that comes with the router and log in to the web interface. The manual has the URL, user name and password. On the web interface choose the Wizard. It guides you through the setup quickly and easily. Have Fun! DearWebby
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Thanks to Linda for this story: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore." "Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Washing Delicate Crystal or China If you are washing delicate dishes in your sink, line the bottom of the sink with a bath towel before filling it. This will protect your crystal and china from getting chipped on the hard sink bottom. Never use your dishwasher, it is just too harsh and dishes shift around. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself; lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you." ___________________________________________________ Mandatory Vacation Two entrepreneurs were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked. She responded, "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without." ___________________________________________________
Dance group delivers a mind blowing performance.
Not Your Normal Squirrel I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. Inches before impact, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage! I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his antisocial and extremely distracting activities. And I was minus a glove. The combination of the force of the throw, only having the throttle hand on the handlebars, can only have one result. Torque. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in -- well, I just plain screamed. About this time, he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked -- sort of. At that moment, I chanced to be passing two cops, parked, doing paperwork. Suddenly they perceive my form, screaming bloody murder, roaring by them at 80 mph. At the same moment a live squirrel grenade impacts directly into their open window. I heard new screams. They weren't mine. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car. That maniac squirrel was now shredding their upholstery. I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids. -from James Mizell, a retired police chaplain (via Chapnotes) ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 3 in 1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John Pickering, began. 1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New Orleans was opened. 1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S. Presidents veto. It was the first time the Congress had achieved this. 1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes would be made commercially in the U.S. 1910 J.D. Rockefeller Jr. announced his withdrawal from business to administer his father's fortune for an "uplift in humanity". He also appealed to the U.S. Congress for the creation of the Rockefeller Foundation. 1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War I. 1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's autocratic rule. 1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first time on the Mutual Broadcasting System. 1945 Close to the end of World War II, when it was obvious that the Allies were winning, Finland changed sides and declared war on the Axis. 1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 1956 Morocco gained its independence. 1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he killed Robert Kennedy. 1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft was launched. 1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 weeks later near Lake Geneva. 1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its Pig Award to Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200 crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers. The scene was captured on amateur video. (California) 1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the Chiapas rebels. 1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the pull out of peacekeepers. 1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into a Nile canal. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Saturday, March 2 Today's Bonehead Award: Two arrested in brawl over crab legs at Alabama buffet ______________________________________________________ Today, March 2 in 1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988) Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away. --- Arthur Helps ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" Luckily the pessimist was wearing a life jacket when he got tossed into the water. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A teacher was finishing up a lesson on the joys of discovery and the importance of curiosity. "Where would we be today," she asked, "if no one had ever been curious?" One child quietly spoke up from the back of the room. "In the Garden of Eden?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Chapman, Chequita Jenkins, Huntsville, Alabama Two arrested in brawl over crab legs at Alabama buffet Customers at an Alabama buffet were boiling mad while waiting in line for crab legs and took to using tongs as weapons during a brawl at the eatery, police said. Customers at the Meteor Buffet in Huntsville had been waiting in line for 10 to 20 minutes for crab legs, police said. The eager diners were waiting for the next tray to come out when they rushed to serve themselves. "They'd been waiting there for the crab legs for a good 10, 20 minutes. When they finally came out, it's very heated. Especially if someone is taking more than their fair share," said Huntsville police officer Gerald Johnson, who was eating at the restaurant when the melee broke out. Some diners began using tongs as swords and shattering plates. Customers John Chapman and Chequita Jenkins were arrested. Jenkins was at the $10.58 per-plate buffet with her kids. "There's a woman who's beating a man," Johnson said. "People are moving around, plates are shattering everywhere." Chapman suffered a cut to his head and Jenkins was not harmed. Chapman is facing disorderly conduct and Jenkins is charged with third-degree assault.
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>From Lee Re: W10 Explorer icon view ? Dear DearWebby Something seems to have changed in my Windows Explorer. Up until recently when I used the large icon view I could see a snap shot from the video in a video file. I use VLC to view files. Now I only see the VLC icon. I have Windows 10 Home. Thanks for your continued support and interesting/funny daily news. Lee Dear Lee If you are setting the view as Large Icons and you intend to view thumbnails (instead of icon placeholders which won't show you a picture preview), then you will also want to ensure that your PC Performance Settings allows for thumbnail views. To do so: Click Start and then right click This PC, and choose Properties. The System window will appear; click the Advanced system settings link at the top left of the window. The System Properties window will appear; look for the Performance heading and click the Settings button. The Performance Options window will appear; under the Visual Effects tab, ensure that "Show thumbnails instead of icons" has a check mark beside it, then click Apply and OK to close the window. Have Fun! DearWebby
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A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...." "And you are worried she'll find it again ?"
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Training Wheels on a Wheelbarrow The other day at a farm, I saw a wheelbarrow with bicycle training wheels on it. It wouldn't turn quite as sharply around corners but it was much more difficult to tip over. A good way to reuse those training wheels your kid has outgrown. Two-wheeled yard carts are often lighter than wheelbarrows, and cheaper. Those with tall wheels roll even easier than regular wheel barrows. For small chores a seed/fertilizer spreader works just as well. Have FUN! DearWebby Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Three ministers are having lunch one day and complaining about sudden infestations of bats in their churches. "I've had those things in my loft and attic all summer," one says. "I've tried everything -- noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away." "Yeah, me too," the second minister says. "I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." "I had a problem with them, too," the third minister says. "But I baptized all mine and made them members of the church. Then I passed the collection plate. Haven't seen one back since." ___________________________________________________ A patient mentions his concerns to his doctor during his annual physical. "Isn't there some kind of memory medicine you can give me?" he asks. "I'm getting terribly forgetful. I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" "Pay me in advance," the doctor, says. ___________________________________________________
Beautiful desert wildflowers in bloom now.
Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven, where St. Peter commends him for his innovative work with computers and shows him his reward -- a beautiful 10-room house with spacious grounds and a tennis court. Gates is pleased and spends many months enjoying the amenities of heaven. One day, however, he is enjoying one of heaven's many fine parks when he meets a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," says Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replies, "I was given 100 of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill, a 500-acre estate, a golf course and three Rolls-Royces." "Were you a Pope or a doctor healing the sick?" Gates asks him. "No," says his new friend. "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Perturbed, Gates stalks off to find St. Peter. "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion and fine suits on the captain of the Titanic?" Gates demands. "I invented the Windows operating system. Why does he deserve better?" "Well," says St. Peter, "you have to realize that the Titanic only crashed once. And furthermore, when the Titanic crashed, people prayed. Every time Windows crashes, they curse." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 2 in 1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad interim government was formed. 1861 The U.S. Congress created the Territory of Nevada. 1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of the 1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. Samuel J. Tilden, however, had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. 1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would have required a literacy test for immigrants entering the country. 1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established by the U.S. Congress. 1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to Puerto Rico. 1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively for women. 1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in damage. 1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican Administration was founded. 1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II abdicating. 1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with the enactment of the Jones Act. 1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide route-numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield- shaped, numbered marker. 1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New York. 1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of Rights to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had gone into effect 147 years before. 1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth, TX. The American plane had completed the first non-stop around- the-world flight. 1962 Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New York Knicks 169-147. Chamberlain broke several NBA records in the game. 1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made its first test flight. 1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location was opened across the street from the old location in Des Plaines, IL. 1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS that detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the civil rights of the citizens of her country. 1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by the end of the 20th century. 1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was killed by a gunman in Moscow. 1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of Britain's Barings Bank. 1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. 2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile. Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet was mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean leader on human-rights violations. 2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. No shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 2016 The U.N. Security Council unanimously approved sanctions on North Korea that included mandatory inspections of cargo leaving and entering North Korea, a ban on all sales and transfers of small arms and light weapons and expulsion of diplomats that engage in "illicit activities." The sanctions were in reaction to the latest nuclear test and rocket launch in defiance of a ban on all nuclear-related activity. 2016 Astronaut Scott Kelly returned to Earth after 340 days in space aboard the International Space Station. 2019 smiled.
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Good Morning, ! Today is Friday, March 1 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Today's Bonehead Award: Smash and graber jailed in MO ______________________________________________________ Today, March 1 in 1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing of the first practical typewriter. 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
Foolish writers and readers are created for each other. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. --- Bethania McKenstry ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ While looking for mother related jokes, I came across this letter from GD from Dec 3, 2000: ==from GDB Hi Webby Would you believe that my mothers email program awarded the Humor Letter THREE red peppers for "naughty language" ? We had a hoot going through it with a fine tooth comb trying to find what was naughty in it and the closest we came was this: == "Ma'am, this potato is bad." She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it. == So, Dear Webby, better be careful about this "cruelty to potatoes" stuff. Otherwise PETA will go after you and protest in front of your office! They had a topless PETA protest in Tucson last week and it caused quite a big car pile-up. ====GDB=== _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ronald E. Parks, 62, Kansas City, Missouri Smash and grabber jailed Another dumb criminal, this time caught on camera. Ronald E. Parks, 62, has been charged on multiple counts in connection with plowing his truck into the Gordmans store at 135th & State Line after midnight Dec. 4, stealing about $800 in women's sweaters, and getting stuck and smoking his tires on the way out. When police found him, there were Gordmans price tags in his damaged truck and a trail of them leading to his back door. He caused about $80,000 in damage to the business.
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>From Alice Re: Whart is a "driver" ? Dear DearWebby I too get all kinds of ads and pop ups about drivers. What are they really? Do I really need them? Alice Dear Alice Drivers started with printers. Originally printers understood commands to print certain letters. That was fine when typists were paid according to how many pieces of correspondence they did per hour. The Women's Libbers didn't do too well with that and called that a misogynic system and demanded payment according to how beautiful their correspondence was. So Apple and Microsoft and printer manufacturers complied and enabled fancy fonts and all kinds of cute stuff. Since that was not included in the 256 different letter commands, they came up with translators for the fancy stuff. Those are called "drivers". Printers were just the beginning. Then came graphics. Each printer and camera maker interpreted things differently, so they required drivers. All that went relatively smoothly until Windows VISTA. Microsoft wrongly assumed that printer and camera makers would create drivers for items, that had been sold and paid for years ago. Well, they didn't, and there was much hue and cry and VISTA bombed. Microsoft learned their lesson and since then all new versions of Windows include tons of drivers for any printer produced since Gutenberg, plus new ones get added "in the cloud" for you to download. When you buy a new 2019 printer, your 2010 Windows sees that it does not have a driver for it, so it automatically offers to download it. Sometimes, though rarely, printer manufacturers discover problems and produce a driver to cope with that. If and when something does not work right, you can download those supplemental drivers. Their support will suggest that. Occasionally the asame thing happens with computers. For example DELL pops a pop-up about once a year suggesting to download and install a cumulative bug fix by clicking OK. No big deal. So, all in all, drivers are no problem. If and when you need them, you will find out painlessly. If you want to check your drivers, you can hit START, and type dxdiag and hit ENTER. That will give you the same as all those fancy driver checkers. For free, and without any sneaky spyware hidden in it. Have Fun! DearWebby
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Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you ust take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard.. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Wilted Lettuce You can often recover wilted lettuce by soaking it in ice cold water with a few drops of lemon juice or vinegar. Place it in the fridge for about an hour and it should be much more crisp. This also works for carrots, celery and other vegetables. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher, Miss Figpot, decided to stop by Little Johnny's house on her way home. She wanted to discuss Johnny's poor performance directly with his parents. When she rang the door bell, Little Johnny answered. "Hello Johnny, I'd like to talk to your mother or father," she said. "Sorry, but they ain't here." He replied. "Johnny!" She said, "what is it with your grammar?" "Haven't got a clue," Johnny replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!" ___________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e ___________________________________________________
Painters interrupt an orchestra.
According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men: they're a bunch of liars. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today March 1 in 1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to India. 1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion. 1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of Confederation. 1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school. 1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, Lars August Mannerheim. 1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the Mameluke dynasty. 1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first national park. 1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing of the first practical typewriter. 1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were defeated. 1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left due to evacuations. 1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide bureau. 1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's "Portrait of King Philip IV." 1911 Jose Ordonez was elected President of Uraguay. 1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a moving airplane. 1924 Disney released the first Alice Comedy entitled "Alice's Day at Sea." 1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 1937 U.S. Steel raised workers wages to $5 a day. 1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license plates were issued. 1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began operations. 1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite Pact. 1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as world heavyweight boxing champion. 1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to the Soviet Union. 1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. It was the first U.S. test of a dry fuel hydrogen bomb under Operation Castle. 1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of Representatives. 1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set up a presidential system of government. 1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It was the first spacecraft to land on the surface of another planet. 1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians to leave the country. 1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended on April 2. 1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan, Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were introduced 90 years earlier. 1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed a curfew on minors. 1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton Hotel. 1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's independence. 1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the Petronas Towers. 1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other bombs went off in the capital. 1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu rebels. 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They succeeded on March 20, 1999. 2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17, 2003, it was announced that four corrections officers had surrendered and pled innocent in connection to the theft. The mixed-media composition was a sketch of the crucifixion. 2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different organizations around the government became part of the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the largest government reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2019 smiled.
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