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If you've been following the news lately, odds are you've wanted to cuddle up in a corner and hide out. Especially in the wake of the Muslim ban, claims of "fake news" and the awful shooting in Quebec. But even within all of the awfulness there's been some good to come of it, and that in itself is worth celebrating.
As it turns out, we Canadians are holding hard and true to our values despite the terrorist attack in Quebec on Sunday night, in which a lone gunman shot and killed six muslims and wounded eight during their prayers at a mosque. Those values include inclusiveness and being respectful of all cultures, religions and races, according to the office of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who wrote a letter affirming as much on Tuesday.
In part as a result of today's 24-hour news cycle, there's been a lot of confusion and misreporting that went on following the shootings. Originally outlets reported that there were two suspects in the case, but that was later clarified and it was confirmed that only one man — a right leaning French-Canadian — was the suspect. The other man, a Moroccan, was a witness.
Plenty of outlets made the mistake of reporting the original information, but one — Fox News — didn't bother to immediately clarify that mistake. According to the PM's office the outlet kept an erroneous tweet, identifying the shooter as Moroccan, online even after the real information was released, causing Trudeau and his director of communications, Kate Purchase, to write an open letter to them.
"Canada is an open, welcoming country that stands by its citizens. We are a nation of millions of immigrants and refugees, of hundreds of cultures, languages and religions bound by one, unwavering, unshakable belief: we are stronger not in spite of our differences, but because of them," Purchase wrote on Trudeau's behalf. "These tweets by Fox News dishonour the memory of the six victims and their families by spreading misinformation, playing identity politics, and perpetuating fear and division within our communities."
It probably didn't help the PM's feelings that the original tweet identifying the wrong man was accompanied by a picture of Trudeau and a quote of him saying that he condemns the terrorist attack on Muslims in "a centre of worship and refuge."
At least, following the letter, it didn't take Fox News long to respond. They issued a statement of their own, apologizing for the misinformation and finally taking down the earlier tweets.
"FoxNews.com initially corrected the misreported information with a tweet and an update to the story on Monday," managing director Refet Kaplan wrote in a statement. "The earlier tweets have now been deleted. We regret the error."
Guess we have to take news with a grain of salt these days. In the rush to get everything up and online first, things aren't always fact-checked or even confirmed before they're reported. We'll say one thing for Trudeau though: no matter where you stand on his politics, at least he's willing to make sure the proper facts eventually get out there. And he'll write you an epic letter in order to do it.


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text: New Carpet Get link Facebook Twitter Pinterest Email Other Apps - February 25, 2007 Last weekend I was finally able to install my new carpet in the 170. Only took a few minutes to pull the seats out and install the carpet but it took me several hours to reinstall the back seat! All back together now and flying good. Post a Comment Read more


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Click image for larger version.
Almond trees are the first trees of the year to bloom in Israel, with flowers appearing even before the leaves. The Hebrew word for almond, "shakeid," comes from the same root as the word for "wakeful."
This challah cover features blossoming appliqued almond branches against a clear sky and the Hebrew words "Shabbat Shalom" for a peaceful Shabbat.
Finished Size: 19" x 15" (48cm x 38cm)
The instructions cover machine applique for the branches, blossoms, and letters. If you prefer hand applique, the pattern is easily adapted to that technique. The centers of the blossoms are hand embroidered using the simple backstitch.
This challah cover is made with two fat quarters plus additional fabric for the appliques. Use quilting fabrics, silk, or silk-like fabrics like polyester satin.
PDF File
This pattern is a digital PDF file.


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United Colors Of Techno MULTiFORMAT
Team DYNAMiCS | Apr 2012 | 198.85 MB
WAV REX2 AiFF
United Colors Of Techno is the 2nd addition a totally raw Techno loop pack to sink your teeth into, well look no further, the boys are back to unleash a mad follow up to piss off your neighbors and tear your speakers in half. This new pack delivers 200 floor stomping loops that will rumble your brain and shake the rafters of any dirty warehouse.
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I had a nice little cabinet, and some drawer glides milled out of an old chunk of exterior decking lumber, but no drawers and no bread board. Anxious to remedy this, I have been spending my evenings in my shop.
My first job was to mill the back and side panels for the drawers out of forty year old reclaimed pine 1×12s.
Then I picked out a piece of knotty pine for my front panels.
I put some thought into what sort of joint I wanted to use for my drawers. On ordinary cabinet drawers I generally use a dado joint for the back panel, a rabbit joint for the front, and nails. I like nails, my first tool was a hammer. While I was deciding, I examined the old sideboard that was my inspiration. The woodworker who built it was a pretty fair hand and I like the dovetail joint that he employed.
Nonetheless, I chose the sliding dovetail for my drawer fronts and a common dado joint for the back. I like the sliding dovetail, because its expedient and, when executed correctly, it is a self clamping glue joint. I used a dado joint for the back panels and routed a 3/8 dado for the bottom panel.
Cutting the back dados on the table saw, I cut the dovetails on my router table, snug, and then fit and numbered each joint so that the drawers would be square and tight.
Next, i installed the drawer guides, which were glued, clamped, screwed, and fitted into the sliding dovetail.
When I was done with all of this, it was time to cut bottom panels out of 3/8 plywood, so that I could assemble the drawers. I was happy with the appearance of most of the sliding dovetails and all of the joints were solid.
Two things about my wife:
She absconds with my sanding sponges to use in her kitchen,
and she paints drawer bottoms white. She uses exterior latex enamel and she puts on 3 coats. She has always done this. I do not know why.
I have not installed the drawer glides yet so I put the drawers out of the way in the cabinet while I looked for a piece of hardwood to turn into a breadboard.
I think this is a piece of beech but I am not certain. I do not use it very often, but I keep some beech and sycamore around for making kitchen utensils when we need to replace ours. I found the board out of place in my stack of sassafras. It was just under 5/4 so I sawed it up into 4 @ 7/8×3-3/4 pieces to glue up into my breadboard. I used three 5/16 dowels on each joint to help keep things flat.
I felt it needed to match the drawers so I added a thin strip of the ironwood decking lumber to each side bringing it out to full width.
Now I am ready to cut out the rounded pine drawer front for the breadboard, install the drawers, and then I can finish sand/scrape and seal. The current plan is three coats of glossy polyurethane on the top and we have to decide on an oil for the rest, maybe something that will bring out the red in the pine.
Mistakes so far.
I learn by making mistakes and I am always learning. I have made and fixed a few mistakes so far on this project, which is why I chose to do the small cabinet first.
I certainly signed that one! Making the 12th pass when cutting the 3/8 dadoes for the drawer bottoms, I suddenly confused left and right. I could not find the right strip to match the grain and I did not want to make a new side. Since it is the wife's cabinet, I elected to add some character. Every time I get out the tinfoil, I will be reminded to pay attention to what I am doing!
Of the 12 drawer sides, I installed 11 drawer glides without issue. When I was planing the the last one to exact width, I took too much material. I had to cut little strips and glue them on. When I was planing my repair, I messed up and took too much again, and I had to repeat the process. Ugh!
I put my sliding dovetails too close to the outside edge of the drawer fronts. Somehow, I managed not to break things but I had to be very careful while fitting and assembling. The joints are tight and, now that they are glued, I should be okay but this was poor planning.
While I am happy with what I have, I will most likely employ a different system for joining the drawers on the next project. I am thinking drawer lock and dado lock, or perhaps I will copy the joints on the antique cabinet. I will install them a little differently too. I will use a different material for the drawer glides, I will imbed the hardwood flush, and then cut the dados for the slides.
-- The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. Benjamin Franklin


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Maximum city Mumbai disappointed candidates and political parties alike even though encouraging voting figures were recorded elsewhere as 19 Lok Sabha constituencies in Maharashtra went to the polls Thursday in the third and final phase of voting in the state.
Despite the presence of industrialists, businessmen, filmstars and celebrities, polling remained sluggish in Mumbai's six constituencies.
This was in sharp contrast to the tribal constituency of Nandurbar which recorded 47 percent voting followed by Dindori at 45 and Raigad at 43 percent till late afternoon.
Of the six parliamentary constituencies in the western metropolis, Mumbai North recorded the highest turnout of around 41 percent, Mumbai North West 38 percent, Mumbai North East 35 percent, Mumbai South Central 33 percent, Mumbai North Central 36 percent and Mumbai South 29 percent.
The consolation was a high turnout in the minority pockets of Mumbai, with Muslims making it a point to come out with their families to exercise their franchise.
All the four seats in neighbouring Thane recorded a low turnout, with Bhiwandi notching just 25 percent, following by Thane at 26, Kalyan at 27 and Palghar at 30 percent.
Elsewhere in the state, Dhule recorded 39 percent, Jalgaon 37, Raver 39, Jalna 42, Aurangabad 35 and Nashik 40.
Over 3.17 crore voters were eligible to elect their representatives from a total of 338 candidates, including 24 women and 119 independents.
Some of the prominent candidates trying their luck Thursday were: union minister Milind Deora, former minister Gurudas Kamat, Sanjay Nirupam, state Tourism Minister Chhagan Bhujbal, activists Medha Patkar, Mayank Gandhi and Vijay Pandhare and Bollywood personalities Mahesh Manjrekar, Kamaal Khan and Rakhi Sawant.
Aurangabad has the maximum number of 27 candidates, while Nandurbar has just nine contenders.
The Bahujan Samaj Party and the Aam Aadmi Party are contesting all 19 seats, while the Bharatiya Janata Party and Samajwadi Party have 11 candidates each.
The Congress has put up 10 nominees, the Nationalist Congress Party and Shiv Sena eight each, Maharashtra Navnirman Sena seven, Communist Party (Marxist) three and Communist Party of India two.
The largest constituency Thane in terms of electorate has 2.07 million voters, while Mumbai South Central is the smallest with just 1.44 million voters.
The 19 constituencies where voting was held are Aurangabad, Bhiwandi, Dindori, Dhule, Jalgaon, Jalna, Kalyan, Mumbai North, Mumbai North West, Mumbai North East, Mumbai North Central, Mumbai South Central, Mumbai South, Nandurbar, Nashik, Palghar, Raver, Raigad and Thane.
Polling in the first two phases was held April 10 for 10 constituencies and April 17 for 19 constituencies.


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Dreams Do Come True
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How to Stop Automatic Disk Scan on XP Startup
Anything that slows down productivity in the office can reduce your bottom line. Consequently, it's easy to give in to the temptation to shut down your computer using the power button when you're in a hurry. With Windows XP, shutting down the computer by pressing and holding the power button causes a check disk (Chkdsk) scan to occur automatically upon restart. While you can skip the scan with a keystroke, Chkdsk startup warnings persist until you either complete the time-consuming scan or disable them in Windows.
Step 1
Click "Start" and then "Run" on the Start menu.
Step 2
Type "cmd" in the "Open" box and press the "Enter" key.
Step 3
Type "chkdsk /x c:" (without quotes here and throughout) at the command prompt and press "Enter." Windows disables the Chkdsk scan at startup.
Step 4
Close the command prompt window.
- If you have multiple hard drives, Windows XP may prompt you to scan one or all of the drives when you boot your computer after shutting it down improperly. If you do have multiple drives, enter the "chkdsk /x" for each drive letter. For instance, if your second drive uses "d:" as the drive letter, enter "chkdsk /x d:" and then press "Enter." Enter the command for subsequent drive letters for all hard drives installed in the computer.


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Charles Baudelaire
Charles Baudelaire (9 April 1821 – 31 August 1867 / Paris)
» Click to list general statistics » OR, select a date :
Sorrows Of The Moon
Tonight the moon dreams in a deeper languidness,
And, like a beauty on her cushions, lies at rest;
While drifting off to sleep, a tentative caress
Seeks, with a gentle hand, the contour of her breast;
read more >>
- Hits: Number of visitors who read the poem on the given date.
- Posts: Number of visitors who posted the poem to a friend (via e-mail) on the given date.
- Dates that have "0" hits may not be shown on the list.
- Dates, poems and poets that have "0" hits may not be shown on the list. Statistics are generated daily.


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FC Review: Not Your Mothers She's a Tease Hairspray
A month ago, I reviewed Not Your Mother's Clean Freak Dry Shampoo, which I love and continue to use every week. I mentioned that I chose this brand because I'd used the hairspray: She's a Tease Volumizing Hairspray – $5.99. Today I'm bringing you a review of this product.
First up, this product is intended to create volume that lasts. So I use it after I've backcombed the underside of the hair on the top of my head. I lightly spritz the teased hair with the hairspray, wait about 20 seconds for it to dry, then smooth the hair down and lightly run a brush over the top to get rid of any bumps or snarls. The hairspray is now holding up the volume I've created on top of my head. Here's a quick video on adding volume by using hairspray:
I don't recommend using Not Your Mothers to spray a final hairdo into place. It's not that it can't work, but it's just not intended to create a finished, smooth look.
The product works great. Volume lasts for hours. There is one caveat, though. The smell. It smells like cat litter. If you've ever had a cat or house-sat for someone with a cat, you know the particular smell I'm talking about. Cat urine is a strong and unpleasant smell, so companies make litter with a very potent scent to cover up that smell. Sickly sweet, soapy, chemically, and fakely fruity. Of the 10 comments on Ulta's website, 8 mention how terrible the smell is. Unfortunately, the smell also lingers for several hours after use (and when I wash my hair the next day I can smell it again). It's such a bummer because the product itself works so well. I've taken to using the hairspray only for occasions where I really need my hair to go the distance–weddings, special events, long days where I'll be out and about seeing lots of people, etc. Otherwise I settle for regular old hairspray that doesn't work nearly as well…but also doesn't have such an offensive smell.
If you're curious about this product I recommend going to Ulta and spraying a bit of the sample bottle on a tissue. See if you can stand the scent, and then commit to buying (or not).


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January 4, 1990
Another year has dawned, and another life. I have made my final firm decision to proceed with surgery. This stems from the growing feeling of well-
On Friday last, I visited my psychologist and breached the subject of by-
The glimmer of sex-
This was my first session dressed as Melanie and that also seemed to grease the acquiescence. I left immediately for Andy's for my eagerly awaited weekly overnighter. The evening was fun, but there seemed to be a certain hesitation or distance in his manner. Finally, almost off-
I knew my days were numbered.
And yet, no jealousy exploded within me, no great sense of loss. After my cataclysmic reaction of a few weeks ago to the potential of his moving up North, I would have expected more from myself. But I began to realize just what Andy had done for me: He had taken a new-
I could never offer him the devotion he MUST have; not as long as Mary will still have ME. I am so deeply grateful to him for the self confidence, acceptance, humanity and empathy he has bestowed upon me, allowing me to grow into myself while safe within his protective arms. I could finally be Melanie without fear of persecution or ridicule, safe within the cocoon he created. And I have now emerged as one human being who changes naught within, although the exterior presentation may swing like a pendulum. I am joyful, I am excited, I am at peace. I wish him all that he has given me.
I returned home on Saturday afternoon and spent another pleasant day with Mary. That night, she hinted that intimate relations were not only conceivable, but highly desirable as well. Picking up on this, I took charge of the evening, and when all others had drifted off to sleep, enveloped her in the same gentle love that I will still be able to provide post-
There were no complaints.
The following night, we were close again. Tuesday of this week, I went once more to Andy's to lift my hiatus of electrolysis, due to lack of money. We snuggled and cuddled on his bed before the session, but without the threat of commitment: just two close friends who will always be there for each other.
Wednesday brought me to the offices of the aerospace company for my job interview. These are the specific guys who handle all the high-
Although I came as Dave, of course, there was a lot of soul searching as to whether or not I should cut my longish hair. I could not bring myself to lop off what took so long to obtain.
The interview went exceptionally well, and I have been told I will definitely be called back for the next level of candidate screening. I truly believe I could land this job. But now, I must decide if the security of such a fine salary and the opportunity for frequent world travel outweigh my desire to live the female role in daily life.
If Mary were to allow me to be female at home, I could stand the daily grind of male life at work. But if I were to give up both, I might truly go insane. There is, however, the possibility that I might obtain surgery without going full-
I raced home from the interview and changed into Melanie clothes for my three month appointment with Doctor Smith. I had not come to his office dressed before, and wanted to do all I could to hasten his approval for surgery. Also, since I have suffered through the frustration of being on a most minimal dose of estrogen since I have been going to him, I hoped to insure that I would be upgraded to a more substantial level of therapy that very day.
I made myself up and took a final look in the mirror before leaving. Damn, I'm cute!
I arrived at his office wearing a smart new top from K-
I passed through the lobby and took the elevator up. No one paid the slightest heed. This is in direct contrast with my trips to the Hollywood doctor's office wearing a wig, where everyone in the elevator read me in moments.
I opened the door and went up to the desk. I said "Hi" to Dorinda, the receptionist, who looked up and returned the greeting, staring intently into my face with non-
Chris called me in: "Come on in, Miss". I adjourned to his cubby for weight blood pressure. I felt my confidence and self-
This was comforting as I did not want to feel like I was "doing a character" and seriously considered voice surgery, even at the expense of my singing voice, which I am very happy with. But I spoke as Melanie always, when I was with Andy, and the practice has paid off handsomely.
I was then ushered off to the examining room to await Dr. Smith. When he opened the door, I basked in the look of pleasant surprise that lit up his face when he saw me. He literally beamed with pleasure at how well one of his patients was turning out.
He marveled at how calm and together I was, compared to the last time he had seen me. I spoke of my agreement with Mary and the potential job in aerospace. He agreed that my situation was unique and to be cherished, and to that end, would aid in getting approval for surgery. I was stunned. Suddenly the way was clear for my dream to become reality.
And then, he raised my dose as I had hoped he would, and also added a progesterone to cycle for ten days a month. This new hormone will develop the milk sacks and duct system in my breasts, and enhance nipple growth. He told me that when he saw me next, in three more months, my breasts should just about double in size. Wow....!
So here I am today. The reality of surgery closer every moment. The development of my body kicking into high gear. The indecision of weeks past has dissipated like morning fog, as the sun's first rays breach the horizon. What my life-
I wore foundation make-
January 8, 1990
My first day of full-
I came to work today as Melanie and stayed that way until I left to pick up the kids from school. I never imagined it would happen so soon, but somehow all the divergent tuggings in my life converged simultaneously and lifted me like a swell of water up and over the highest hurdle I have yet crossed.
The momentum began, I believe, when I realized that the money for surgery would soon be available. Suddenly, the waiting was over. All that was left was to meet the requirements. So I breached the subject with Dr. Jayne at our last session and with Dr. Smith at my last check up. I felt that some allowance could be made for my situation with Mary, but that perhaps a show of true commitment was necessary to convince Dr. Jayne to support me in this.
That feeling was underscored at my support group meeting last Saturday. I explained my plan to go "part-
For months now, I have feared the actuality of putting it all on the line; opening myself up to ridicule, baring myself to my friends. How would they react to the reality of the situation? What about my voice? My beard? My short hair and tiny breasts? I didn't want to wear a wig and falsies, but my own equipment is still too much under developed and would only lead to being read. And the damn beard!!! No matter what I use the evil thing keeps showing through. How can I do this?!?
The fates must have it in for me, or perhaps I truly have a destiny, for I was acutely aware that the very next day I was to join my friends, Chris, Mark, and Juni at Tom's house to lay his bathroom linoleum, then go out for food and entertainment. This was the core group of all my closest friends, dating back to our days at USC: the five of us have been to hell and back on numerous difficult and harebrained productions, most of which I began and goaded the others into joining. And the thought of being rejected by them was almost an unbearable burden.
And yet, it has been perhaps three years since all five of us gathered without any other acquaintances and would probably be another three before it happened again. I needed to make the commitment. The time was now or never. I decided to go for broke.
I showed up first, dressed in female jeans and a red T-
He was a little uneasy, but when Chris showed up I got my purse from the car, sat on the porch watching Tom measure and cut the linoleum, and painted my nails. My hands shook and I smeared the job so badly I had to wipe one off and start over. Then I took the final step and put on my lipstick. And, miracle or miracles, they handled it!
Shortly thereafter, Mark and Juni arrived. Mark was considerably uneasy at first, but after a few minutes, we were all joking and laying the linoleum together as if I had always been a female member of the group! We decided to go off for dinner to a soup and salad shop, but Mark expressed some concern with the T-
We drove over, all five in Mark's jeep: me in the middle of the back seat squished in between Chris and Tom. We picked up the clothes and I changed my blouse (braless! -
We drove back to Burbank and even Tom kidded and joked, smiling directly into my eyes, letting me know that nothing had changed. Mark, Juni and I adjourned to Chris' place, leaving Tom to get some sleep. Chris made coffee, then he and Mark sat in the other room to talk, while Juni and I engaged in girltalk. She and I are becoming much closer friends than we ever had been. And I must say I am grateful for the acceptance and for the opportunity to be just one of the girls. We spoke of gender, sex, sex discrimination, and career changes. She offered me her hand-
Finally, Mark, Juni and I went to a movie, "Glory", in Hollywood. They sat me in the middle and the show began. I was amazed. I have never been able to allow myself to become too involved in a picture, for I might lose myself in it and forget to censor my gestures and get read as being strange. But this night, this special night, I drifted deeply into the film, unafraid that my reactions would not match my role. That opening shot of the soldier's head exploding made me gasp, my hand coming involuntarily to my mouth -
And so, as I returned home last night, slipping uncomfortably into the crumbling shell of Dave mode, I confronted Mary with my decision to dress for work today. This led to a devastating scene of near hysteria, uncontrollable sobbing, and recriminations. Yet, out of this, my spirit rose like a phoenix, and for the first time I knew I had the strength to suffer even the loss of my marriage, if that is what it takes to realize my dream.
With this behind me, I came to work as Melanie today. And, God knows, my beard does show through, and my hair is too short, and I am too bloody tall. But you know what? I don't give a damn! The beard will fade, the hair will grow, and the height... well, two outa three ain't bad! But answering the phone as Melanie, simply working on the seminar I'm writing for a friend & client, simply LIVING is so much better, now that I can be myself.
Now I must be careful to be seen only as Melanie to all my friends and clients. For the only way they will truly accept me in the long run, is if they see only one of me and become used to that at the subconscious level. So the sham goes on: Melanie by day, Dave by night. Even as I struggle in the twilight of my two beings, wondering whether it is dawn or dusk.
January 9, 1990
Well, here I am in front of the computer in the office on my second day as Melanie on the job. Already it feels so natural that I find myself not even thinking about it and devoting myself to my work. In fact, that's why I'm making this rare morning entry: I got to thinking that what I really want to do with my life is write professionally. That was my dream since age 12 when I began my first novel (never to be completed). I have written screenplays for hire, but none, save the one I directed, were ever produced. All my other "published" work consists of scripts for industrial, educationals, and TV commercials. But I am happiest when I can drift off into my fantasy world where words are my friends and we play together. Bleah!!! Is that drippy or what!!!
Anyway, if I am truly to be a writer, I must publish. And what better way to break into that closed arena than to publish this journal. I had always intended to do so, but now that I am truly Melanie, I feel the creative drive more strongly than ever before. And so, this entry: my first foray into the life-
January 10, 1990
Day 3 of my new life. It's a lot different than I expected: different because very little seems to have changed. Ninety percent of the time I just sit here in my office and write. And when I am thoroughly engrossed in a project, I am completely unaware of what I'm wearing. I suppose if I worked in a high-
Oh, I DO feel more comfortable dressing as a woman, and it was a kick using the Ladies room today (and having to ask Tom B. to get some soap out of the Men's room because I can't go in it anymore). But aside from that, Its the people that make the difference.
For example, yesterday, I told the secretary down the hall. She was very warm and understanding. In fact, later in the day, I had my door open and I heard my assistant tell her, "I found your note on the door about the films to transfer to video." She replied, "Oh, that's okay, I already gave them to Melanie." Now if THAT isn't a kick, getting called by my new name out of my presence, I don't know what is!
And then, today, Robert, the 6'4" ex-
I feel the obligation to take a moment to ask a favor of you all out there. Thousands, no, MILLIONS of people are suffering untold mental agonies every day because of a secret need that they are afraid to express. And many live in that agony all their lives and die with, or even because of it, for fear of public ridicule and social exile. I have been lucky; I have not yet faced these things, although I suspect I will before the game is out. But the freedom of unleashing the hidden hurt is so cleansing, so joyous, that I urge each and every one of you to have tolerance toward others whose inner pains are no fault of their own. Give them hope, give them kindness, and even if you cannot bring yourself to support them, at least give them the space to grow, and treat them as equal members of humanity. For indeed they are.
Off the soapbox, and back to the duties of the day. I thank you.
12:06 pm
Oops! A quick update... I'm beginning to feel trapped in the office. Even though m make-
January 12, 1990
Well, here I am at the conclusion of my first week living as Melanie. And somehow it seems as if nothing's really happened. So far, no outright rejection to my face. And even a couple of incidents of real support. But inside, I don't believe I feel any differently than I did last week. There are times when the feminine feeling flows over me like a cleansing bath, and other times when I feel like Dave in drag. Those are the worst, not because I feel uneasy about myself, but because I wonder if this has been worth all the turmoil to get here. As the song says, "Is that all there is?"
I don't feel depressed, mind you, or even purposeless or disillusioned as I might have expected. Instead, I guess I just feel disappointed. I remember the times I had with Andy, and was expecting the same kind of feeling every day as Melanie. Part of the problem is that I have very few people to relate to here; I basically work alone. And my assistant, Tom B., keeps calling me "Dave". Now, THAT bugs me! As for Nicki, who still sleeps in the office next to mine, she (as Mike) has been ill all week, and I have barely seen her. Even when I do, Nicki avoids calling me Melanie and treats me most of the time like a guy anyway. I don't know whether it is jealousy, cruelty, or oversight. But whatever the motivation, it doesn't bolster my morale.
I feel good. I feel comfortable (as I have said). But still I hide in the office, as I know that my make-
Last night, I permed my hair. Don't EVER do this! You need eight arms and the grace of a gazelle. The results are okay (sort of) but you can be sure that next time I'll just fork over the thirty bucks to have a professional do it!
Now that last line, "thirty bucks". Should I have said, "thirty dollars" and sounded more feminine, or left it for the best word impact. I really don't know.
When I was on the mega doses with the Hollywood doctor, I felt EXTREMELY feminine. And my resolve to see this through was intense although not unwavering. But now, I almost have trouble dredging up the drive to take even one more step forward. I find it strange that just as I am overcoming the final obstacles to my life-
I see Dr. Jayne today. I hope that she can shed some light on this. Maybe it's just a phase that everyone goes through who travels this road. Or maybe it's the fateful warning sign I have been awaiting for so long that asks, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" And it asks in a male voice.
I suppose I should give it all time. As people begin to sublimate my new image and status into their working patterns, THEN they may treat me in a manner that will make it all worthwhile. But for now, I'm sorely disappointed.
10:58 am:
Feeling better! A friend called and left a message on my answer phone. When I called back he mentioned he would be working a project all day. I feel just a tiny bit guilty, but I sort of weaseled myself into coming over for company. I'm so damned nervous about going out on the street when my beard shadow shows through that I just hide up here. But now, I get to spend the afternoon with someone who knows and accepts me anyway.
So suddenly, I feel feminine again. And it's all worth it again. I guess I just have to get to the point where I KNOW that no one is going to see any beard shadow, and when THAT happens, I'll be able to face the world. Because then, there will be nothing out of my control that will give me away. Every day I'll get better and more passable. But for now, God, just the thought of being read a block from the office with nowhere to run sends chills up my spine.
I just realized the reason I wanted to go over to my friend's is because I am attracted to him. God help me! I am realizing that the reason I have made male friends is because I am attracted to them in an intimate way. I guess I've been in some kind of love with these guys for ears and never known it.
Wait a minute! I just remembered a suppressed fantasy where I changed bodies with Mary and seduced another friend of mind. In the fantasy, I got an ice cube from the refrigerator and held it on my nipples to make them stick out so that he would be turned on by me, as Mary. And I used to fantasize about marrying another friend who would be a good physical match. At this moment I don't remember any fantasies about the friend I am going to visit, but who knows what else may turn up.
This is incredible! Five months ago I actually believed I had never been attracted to a man. In truth, I have been attracted to scores of them. I look back at a former client who sets my heart spinning just to think about his slim, muscular body and gentle manner. So what is this? Am I remembering feelings I had at the time that have waited in the wings for so long, or am I only now manufacturing these feelings around the memory of someone I never cared about at the time? Gets damn complex....
So what do I do now? I can never relate to these guys again if this gets out, yet here it is in print. Am I just a homosexual afraid to fess up? I don't think so, but lets explore that.
All my fantasies have been with me as a woman, never as a guy. When I signed onto my computer network and went to the "sex" room to get picked up, I always went as a woman looking for a guy. The one time I did go to the gay area, I presented myself as a transsexual and enjoyed only the female aspect of it. When with Andy, he made it clear that homosexual love was okay with him. But I just couldn't! And the one time he lifted my panties, I got so embarrassed I cried. But this morning Mary got in the shower while I was dressing, her full breasts swaying as she passed me. I made it clear to her that I was VERY interested, and in fact, felt substantial erotic arousal.
But at this moment as I write I feel just like Dave. But does that mean I'm gay in drag? I don't think so. Maybe Dave always was female inside and no male personality ever existed there. If that is the case, then feeling like Dave inside should be okay, because I don't have to make a personality transition, only an expression one.
So the esoterics are staggering. But at the moment, all I want to do is go over to m friend's and get rolled in the hay. Won't happen, but excuse me for thinking.
January 13, 1990
Today, I met at the home of a film producer I had known as Dave. After having dealt with him for over a year while editing his promotional video, I have learned to be suspicious of his motivations with every word that leaves his lips. He is a most pleasant man in his seventies, but everything he does is calculated several moves in advance to benefit himself and no one else.
During my year of freelancing, on and off, for him, I allowed myself to be continually renegotiated into severe financial hardship. I truly believe I was never invited to his home during this period, because he did not want me to be aware of the fine condition in which he lived as it would weaken his bargaining position.
In any event, the promotional reel we created has struck paydirt and he has closed a deal for seven million dollars to produce a motion picture for a Japanese businessman. He asked me to be part of his production.
My normal outlook with anyone else would be to accept that offer as a compliment from someone who wishes to work with me. But coming from this fellow, I can only wonder what he hopes to take me for. He has known of my pending sex-
Strange that for twenty five years I have wanted to be in feature films. For thirty years I have wanted to be female. And now, I must give up the career of my dreams for the life of my dreams. This decision was not reached without tears, anger, and self-
I had always said that I would rather empty wastebaskets at 20th Century Fox than be president of another type of company. But now, I must admit I would rather be a waitress at Harry's Diner than a male director of feature films. It's that simple. Being female is more important to me than life itself.
I could have accepted his offer and left my family to work as Dave in the day and live as Melanie after hours. But my family is also more important than my career. So, like the Duke of Windsor, I abdicate my career in favor of those I love.
Friday I went to lunch with my friends and visited Tom for a couple hours before leaving for Dr. Jayne's. The freedom and well-
And so, it is with some sadness, but no regrets that I will tender my intentions to the producer. Ironic that after years of struggle I should inherit a house, be offered a forty five thousand a year job, be offer Associate Producer on a major feature, and be offered my first feature editing job all in the same month, the month my grandmother died.
But the agitation of these few weeks has cleared dust from the air and left a pure and simple view of my priorities. One, I WILL be female, whatever the cost. Two, I will remain with my family as long as they will have me. Three, I will pursue my career to the best of my ability. Once this became codified in my mind, there were no more decisions to make. I merely need to hold each choice up to this template and see if it works.
I know now the strength of my resolve by the magnitude of those things I am willing to give up. Becoming female is truly the most important thing in my life, and I doubt (after the events of this month) that I will ever question that again. So now I shall order my life, in view of these priorities, to do what I must while cutting my losses to the minimum. And you know, I really feel good about it all.
January 14, 1990
This is the year the unattainable has become possible. From home ownership and an end to debt, and the opportunity to write full-
I have recently read in a seminar I am researching that you don't get if you don't ask. This, of course, can be taken to the extreme, as evidenced by some I have known who use this technique to take all they can get. But if applied in moderation, one should ask for what one truly wants and see what happens. After all, if you don't tell them what you want, how the hell are they supposed to know?
And if they will not give you what you want, you can always compromise. You may be satisfied with less if they offer something else in exchange. It is most important, however, to have previously determined what the real minimums are that would be acceptable as a working situation, not just in the heat of negotiation. If you are presented with a choice which you have not previously considered, ask for time to consider it. If that costs the deal, well, better that than committing to an agreement that you cannot ultimately abide.
I must be female in the days, if I am to have the stamina to be Dave for Mary in the nights. I wish I could present myself as Melanie all the time, but for now that is impossible. But I must be wise enough to realize that if I were to take the job with Fred as Dave, it would cost me my marriage or my sanity. So I shall ask. I shall present my case simply, not as a pleading or a negotiating point, but a point of fact: that if I cannot work with him as Melanie, I cannot work with him at all.
Now, this may seem rash in light of how long I have struggled to become involved in feature film production and the staggering price I have paid to achieve that end: the all-
So, I do not feel as if I am giving up a damn thing. For I would only be one of three underpaid Associate Producers, and that and two bits will get you on a bus in Hollywood (or would have at yesterday's fares). I would have to obliterate the precious and vulnerable new personality that is emerging for another game of "run around", with no guarantees of future career success. And then it would be another stupid project or excruciating position followed by another and another until I lay upon my death bed still wondering what it would be like to truly be female. Well, NO THANK YOU!!! I've done enough of that in the last thirty years to last two lifetimes. I've paid my dues multi-
January 15, 1990
An interesting transition was made at home today: a major step that may actually make it possible to live these two lives. I had an appointment with the director I'm editing the film for, and as with all my business associates, I am only appearing as Melanie. This is, however, Martin Luther King's Birthday, and the children are at home. So the logistics of getting ready, getting out of the house and getting back were staggering and risky at best.
Well, I managed that aspect okay, but the psychological strain of trying to maintain the Dave persona in the morning, slip within minutes into Melanie and then right back to Dave again, took an incredible toll. By the time I returned home, I was nervous, depressed and snappy. At that moment I believed that the Great Compromise could not be sustained.
But Mary was so supportive and understanding, so determined to keep making it work, that I decided (in desperation) to take a gamble. I allowed myself to act and react naturally with her and the kids for the first time. I neither censored nor altered my responses and let my voice find its natural pitch (which is higher than Dave and lower than Melanie).
I fully expected that Mary would lose it completely, complain (justifiably so) that I had broken our agreement, and demand that I leave. But she never batted an eye. In fact, we shared a wonderful day together just putsying around the house.
I have discovered before that the shift is mostly internal, and that the external manifestations of that shift are so subtle as to be overlooked by the casual observer. I suspect that if one truly had a male personality and became a female personality the differences would be substantial. But if one has always had a female personality, albeit hidden and suppressed, one will not have been able to shift too far from one's true self and maintain the sham so long.
I mentioned this to Mary at the end of the day and she said she had noticed the change in voice, but not particularly any change in mannerisms or expression. And so, it seems that I no longer have to go through that excruciating, time consuming, draining shift. I can be the real me inside wherever I am, however I'm dressed. And this unity of spirit, this continuity of being means I can be Melanie now and forever no matter what I am called or what sex I am perceived to be.
I had felt that my two presentations were both moving closer to center, eventually to meet in the middle. I know now that task is nearly complete. And then, only then, has the real journey ended. For a change of sex is merely a physical thing. But to become a complete human being is only in the mind.
January 16, 1990: One Hell of a Day
I began my second week of full-
It's been raining all day and it poured on the way to the office. Once there, I was greeted by Tom B., who has finally overcome his frustrating habit of calling me "Dave" when I'm dressed as Melanie. Now he just calls me "man". As in, "Hey, man, how's it going? Well, I guess it's still an improvement, but it's hard not to get dragged (no pun intended) out of character, and that hurts.
Anyway, I realized that the time had come to tell the producer outright whether I would work on his feature or not. But to actually commit to turning down the break I have waited twenty four years for was not an easy task. Nevertheless, I called him on the phone, and told him the situation, all the while hoping he would change his mind and employ me as Melanie -
I arrived at his home and handed off the screenplay. He said, "Let me take a look at you." I turned 'round for him and he said, "Not bad!" But he still accepted the script back and said good-
The magnitude of my decision did not hit me until I was on the freeway again, driving home through the rain. Suddenly, I realized just how much I had given up. And I thought of my mother, the anniversary of her death but two weeks away. I remember she told me that everything would be okay when I grew up. "When you get married, you'll know what to do. It'll come naturally." I wanted to tell her that it WASN'T okay. Things hadn't worked out. Life was all wrong and the future was black.
For the first time since she died, my eyes filled with tears for her, which dropped unrelenting upon my mascara as the rain smeared the dust of my windshield. At that moment I needed her so much. I needed to be held and comforted. But I also wanted to grab her by the shoulders and demand to be answered, "Why? Why did you do this to me? I thought you loved me." To this day, I don't know how much of my need springs from her guidance and how much was simply out of her control. I suppose I'll never know. But the love/hate emotion (for it is ONE emotion, not the combination of two) remained with me as I parked in front of my house.
I ran in to get some moral support. I called Dr. Jayne and got her answering machine. I called Chris and got HIS answering machine. And I called Mary, and she was in an office full of people and couldn't talk. But she did call back to tell me that although she would've preferred the career move and the money, she also knew how much it meant to me. And if I felt I could not handle Fred's condition, then she figured I knew myself best, and she could do nothing but support me. God, what a woman!
Eventually, Dr. Jayne returned my call, as this was a most serious situation and she was genuinely concerned. Chris, I left no message for, so he hasn't called back, as one might expect.
But the day was not over yet. Oh, no. Not by a longshot! I changed my clothes and picked up Mindi at school, stopped for pastries, then came home. My dad opened the door to inform me that this was an early day for Keith, who had called and was waiting in the principal's office to be picked up late.
I raced into the house with the baked goods, tossed them onto the table, then bolted to my car and drove off to salvage my boy. On the way home, a police car came up behind me and flashed his lights. I pulled over and rolled down my window.
The young recruit stepped gingerly around to my side, darting the alert eyes of a new officer who has not yet seen it all. He asked for my license, which is when I realized that I had been holding my wallet under the bakery box and had tossed it on the table with the cupcakes. So he asked for my registration, which I don't carry in the car. In fact, all I had was my proof of insurance in the glove compartment, but nothing to prove I was the same person. Besides, the car is still registered to my aunt and mother.
He spied my briefcase in the back seat and asked me to open it. I complied, revealing my purse and a pair of my pointy black shoes. He said, "You have a woman's purse and a pair of women's shoes in your briefcase?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Why do you have a purse and a pair of women's shoes in your briefcase?" I said, "My son shouldn't hear this.", and told Keith to cover his ears. But the cop was understanding and motioned me out of the car to talk privately.
We adjourned to his curbside office and I gave a brief but concise course in transsexualism and my involvement with it. He may not have seen it all, but he must have seen enough, for he was only mildly taken aback and more curious than anything. He took down my information, cited me for a lapsed registration, and asked several questions about transsexualism for his personal edification.
Finally, confirmation came in by radio, and I was returned to the road. Now, I admit I've been stopped once before for a lapsed registration, and I admit I've been stopped once before without my license, but I have never been stopped before for a lapsed registration, not had my license, not had the registration, and been forced to reveal my transsexualism to a police officer with my son in the car. Now, did someone have it in for me or what?!?
Anyway, I guess I just attract that kind of situation naturally. But the really frightening thought is that things are probably going to get weirder before they get better.
January 26, 1990
Things have settled into the pattern of having no pattern. Confusion runs rampant and anarchy is the order of the day. Hour to hour, sometimes moment to moment, my mood, feelings and resolve shift in never ending alterations. I don't seem to be able to get a fix on where I am, like a sailor on an uncharted sea on a black and starless night.
Mostly I feel good; specifically, I feel content, at ease. But this can be when I also feel male inside or female and regardless of how I am dressed. My internal settings appear to be completely unrelated to the social role in which I present myself. So strong male attitudes may course through my veins when "portraying" Melanie, and female notions was over me as Dave.
There are times when I will smile at something on the radio while driving. And that smile will alternate between feeling like a male and female smile. I wonder if that concept is too hard to truly grasp for those who have not experienced it. I certainly would have been at a loss to understand it just weeks ago. But the male smile is confident, self-
But not quite. The emotions are so basic that they defy words.
When I first began appearing as Melanie, I felt the same as when I was Dave. I looked different, people treated me differently, but I saw the world through the same eyes. As I loosened up and allowed myself not only to express female attitudes but to give up control, permit them to move within and even control me, I actually felt like a different person, almost a split personality.
As I increased my time as a female, these two sides separated until they had little common ground. The internal shift took as long as six hours after the external one before I would be comfortable. And trying to speed the process was actually painful, almost excruciating. But during these last three weeks as Melanie all day and Dave all night, these two halves, these pendulum swings have moderated and moved back toward center. Melanie's voice, mannerisms, body language and attitudes have returned from the far reaches of exaggerated, almost parodied ultra-
I am no longer afraid of my feminine side, nor ashamed of my maleness. For both are truly me. And only by allowing all facets of my personality to express themselves can I ever experience the esoteric freedom of self knowledge and self expression.
Each of us carries within a complete human being. And we all possess aspects that society labels "male" and "female". So we suppress great chunks of our delicate psyche, upsetting the balance and living in constant tension to protect ourselves from ridicule, lest our secret side be found out. Only by risking rejection, only by mustering the courage to face exile, can we obtain true inner peace as a unified human being.
January 26, 1990 -
Something the hell is going on. I mean PHYSICALLY. Nearly all my entries have been about the mental changes, internally instigated or hormone produced/enhanced. But today, my God!
I got hungry today. And yesterday. And the day before that. In fact, I've been hungry ever since I started on the progesterone that Dr. Smith just prescribed for me at my last visit. This is the pregnancy hormone found in also in birth control pills that triggers development of the milk ducts and nipples. But it has also increased my appetite to the point that I am eating continuously.
I had been 167 pounds two years ago, and brought it down to 150 recently. I have only put back about four of those pound since the progesterone, but every gram has gone straight to the breasts. Today is the day it showed up.
I am typing this sentence with my left hand while I run the fingers of my right hand over the swollen contours of my left breast. (No kidding!) And the fullness (although minuscule by female standards) makes it feel the size of a cantaloupe. I looked in the mirror a few minutes ago, lifted my T-
My hair has finally reached past my earlobes. And as I look at my hairless arms and my long fingernails, I cannot help feeling female. Up to this point, the entire persona has had to be created internally, with little real base to support and nurture it. But now, tonight, I MUST feel at least somewhat female, because that is what I partly am.
Now, perhaps, when I lose these four pounds again (and I will!) there will be a recession of my new bustline. But even then, it will only be temporary. For in the space of a few short months, growth will be so substantial that breasts will be a permanent fixture of my physical being.
And out of all this comes a feeling of justification. That now, I somehow have the inherent RIGHT to act female. Before, I could express myself only by force of will: throwing concerns for society's approval to the dogs and acting as I chose. But now, having grown the equipment naturally, not by implant, having developed the calling cards or I.D. badges of womanhood, I am now entitled to the benefits thereby bestowed, allowing me to think, act, and respond as a female with full social acceptance.
Of course I am aware that society will accept me to a considerably less degree than a genetic female (and if that's not understatement, what is?) but perhaps it is that I now accept myself. Perhaps now, I finally feel that I can ALLOW myself to be female in lifestyle. Regardless, the strength of the correctness that permeates my being is triggered solely by the new mounds of flesh upon my chest. And as long as I possess them, they give me justification to behave, act, and most importantly, feel female.


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Just look into the eyes of a monkey and tell me you don't see yourself (or someone you know). Their expressions, their use of their hands and fingers. They are amazingly similar to our own behaviors.
They take care of their young, respect their elders, protect what rightfully belongs to them…again, just like we do.
I do have my doubts that they could equal us in the prejudice and hate department. And, I'm not sure if they kill for fun or hurt another just because they've been hurt themselves.
Evolution? Heck, how anyone could believe they didn't evolve from humans is beyond me!


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For the Spirit TOPICAL SAMPLER SERIES
PDFs (1-4MB)
SATB Current Feature
6 - For the Spirit (2013) (3.8 MB)
Still available for download:
5 - YRM's 15 Best Scores for UU Worship 2009 (2.5 MB)
3 - Family (1.5 MB)
2 - Beauty (1.3 MB)
1 - Peace (1.6 MB)
Church choruses of all faiths typically have to program frequent performances throughout the year. As an helpful aid Yelton Rhodes Music offers topical samplers that feature music from the part of our catalog we call "For the Spirit."
Here's our latest offering:
For the Spirit (2013)
Part of YRM's mission is to publish "music with a message that promotes inclusiveness and tolerance of the broad spectrum of human nature."
Our approach to spirituality in choral music falls right in line with that objective. Most of the choral scores featured in this sampler are recently published works... but we also included a couple of older gems which you may not previously have perused. Together they provide a diverse collection that we hope will prove to be a valuable and informative resource!


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Thursday, December 30, 2010
MFT Teaser Time--Day One--Clearly Sentimental About Time
So let's jump right in--today is the first day of Teaser posts and I'm featuring the new set, Clearly Sentimental About Time. It's got some very thoughtful sentiments and quotes and I am using this one for a masculine themed card. I think it would be good for a Father's Day, Retirement or even a Get Well card (or for someone who's impatient? teehee.).
I know you've already spotted the Stacking Stars Die-namics and Perfect Bracket Edge dies, but do ya'll see the newest Die-namics dies (yes, I said dieS!) on there? It's one of the BEST YET! It's called the Layered Label Die-namics. It's a set of three dies that can be layered up or or each one can be used seperately. FUN FUN FUN! I see lots of possibilities with that one!
Ok, that's all for now. I'll be back a little later with one last thing from My Favorite Things for this month. Be sure and check out Kim's blog for the list of designers showing off their stuff for this Teaser! All the products will be available on TUESDAY night after the Release Party on Splitcoast!
Also don't forget--some lucky commenters will win Teaser Time prizes, so be sure and leave some love on all the blogs today (2 winners will be chosen each day from 2 different secret prize blogs to win one of the new sets. Check the MFT blog daily for the winners.).
SUSIE Q-TIP: I love all the Clearly Sentimental sets from My Favorite Things. They really make for some quick, but thoughtful cards. You can even make coordinating card sets using the different sentiments from one stamp set. Just an idea.
Stamps: Clearly Sentimental About Time (My Favorite Things)
Paper: Fine Linen, Orange, Pure Poppy (PTI), Always Artichoke, Silver (SU!), Cosmo Cricket
Ink: Brilliance Graphite Black (Tsukineko)
Accessories: Layered Labels and Stacking Stars Die-namics (MFT), Sewing Machine/Thread, Paper Piercer/Mat Pack, Argyle Embossing Folder, Cuttlebug, Silver Brads, Jody Boosters
Finished Size: A2
30 comments:
I'm with you, I think that's one of the best dies yet! Gorgeous guy card Susan!ReplyDelete
Such fun paper choices to highlight the sentiment. Just perfect.ReplyDelete
Oooh, I love this layout and seeing those stars again.ReplyDelete
What a ROCKIN' layout and I LOVE the stars!!!ReplyDelete
Love the ribbon idea you used.ReplyDelete
That is SO pretty, Susan. I love that layout!ReplyDelete
Love the paper you used with the sentiment!ReplyDelete
Wonderful, as usual!ReplyDelete
ohh, I love the way you positioned this label die so that it looks like a award pin. Love it!ReplyDelete
I love your style of cardmaking Susan, your cards alway look so bright and vibrant. Gorgeous card!ReplyDelete
Fabulous and fun, Susan! Love when you make bright cards like this! You are always full of inspiration! Thank you!!!ReplyDelete
your card is wonderful! love the stars and THAT layout!ReplyDelete
- AnonymousDecember 31, 2010 at 9:25:00 AM CST
Dang girl! Wow!ReplyDelete
Beautiful card Susie! Love this die!ReplyDelete
LOVE! I just got the stars for Christmas & haven't used them yet...better get on that! I love how each release's dienamics coordinate so well with the ones before! Thanks for the chance to win :)ReplyDelete
Oh I love the stars die with the airplanes in the sky...creates distance, which is the point of the quote you chose...so clever! Love it!ReplyDelete
beautiful colorsReplyDelete
Totally fab, Susan! GREAT use of all those dies! Happy New Year!ReplyDelete
Love how you used the Layered Label Die-namic!ReplyDelete
Wonderful card!ReplyDelete
Hope 2011 brings you many blessings!
Fabo card!!! Adore those DIES!!!!ReplyDelete
Love the layout and your colors.ReplyDelete
I love the touch of whimsy in your card! The airplane paper is perfect. Thanks for sharing with us today during the hop. :DReplyDelete
Love your card and I love your blog!!! I'm subscribing to your blog! :)ReplyDelete
LOVE this!!! It's a perfect masculine card!!!!!ReplyDelete
Oh, this is fun! I love the design and the papers, and the stars are perfect!ReplyDelete
Love the card and I'm gonna order those dies right now!!ReplyDelete
Love the card and I'm gonna order those dies right now!!ReplyDelete
Completely awesome!!ReplyDelete
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Your success is our success. That's why we make getting the support you need—inside and outside of the classroom—easy and accessible.
Wellness means more than simply physical health. But all too often, life forces us to put our own mental health on the back burner. Our counseling services give you the opportunity to slow down and focus on your mental health, all with the help of our trained counselors.
Personal Counseling
Needing help is normal. Asking for help is brave. We know it may be hard to ask, but if you do, you'll be met with a team of counselors who can help you through personal issues that may be getting in the way of college success, including:
- Stress and anxiety
- Depression
- Family or relationship issues
- Addiction
- Suicide prevention and awareness resources
Contact us or stop by the counseling office on your campus to set up a free appointment with an STLCC counselor.
If you would like to review self-help information, visit this Guide to College Student Mental Health.
Crisis Counseling
If you are facing an immediate mental health crisis, or are worried about the health of a friend, call the crisis line immediately.
ULifeline is a confidential, online resource for college students, offering information on mental health, wellness and suicide prevention.
Suicide Prevention Resources
Because your emotional health is just as important as your physical health and academic success, we want to provide you with helpful information to guide you through difficult situations.
The Counseling Department has developed the following suicide prevention and awareness resources to aid students in the time of personal crisis.
Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Hotlines and STLCC Counseling Centers:
- Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Hotlines
- Warning Signs for Suicide
- Suicide Survivors Resources
- Internet Resources for Suicide Prevention
Ask, Listen, Refer Online Suicide Prevention Training Program
The St. Louis Community College Suicide Prevention Training Program was designed to help faculty, staff, and students prevent suicide by teaching you to:
- Identify people at risk for suicide
- Recognize the risk factors, protective factors, and warning signs of suicide
- Respond to and get help for people at risk
The St. Louis Community College Ask, Listen, Refer Online Suicide Prevention Training Program takes about 20 minutes to complete. It is intended to be educational rather than therapeutic, and it must be completed in one sitting. Logging in and out of the program may cancel your progress and prevent you from obtaining your certificate of completion.
Additional Resources
There are many resources and services available throughout the metropolitan area that provide different kinds of assistance for people who are struggling and/or in crisis. Here are two lists that provide general information, street addresses, phone numbers, and websites for dozens of agencies, shelters, employment resources, food pantries, and other organizations throughout the St. Louis area:
Contact Counseling Services
Florissant Valley
Location: SC-241
Monday-Tuesday: 8 a.m.-7 p.m.
Wednesday-Thursday: 8 a.m.-5 p.m.
Friday: 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m.
Forest Park
Location: SC-200
Monday-Tuesday: 8 a.m.-7 p.m.
Wednesday-Thursday: 8 a.m.-5 p.m.
Friday: 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m.
Sandra Knight
314-951-9421 | email@example.com
Reginald Johnson
314-644-9716 | email@example.com
Location: AD-249
Monday-Tuesday: 8 a.m.-7 p.m.
Wednesday-Thursday: 8 a.m.-5 p.m.
Friday: 9 a.m.-4:30 p.m.
Location: Student Services 105H
Monday-Tuesday: 8 a.m.-4 p.m.
Wednesday: 11 a.m.-6 p.m.
Thursday: 8 a.m.-4 p.m.
Friday: 8 a.m.-12:00 p.m.
Donna Zumwinkel
636-422-2210 | firstname.lastname@example.com


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With so many health and fitness apps available on the App Store, finding one which is tailored to your specific needs is difficult. For instance, the fragmentation of the various features means that users who wish to track calories must download an app for that while another app would be used to track fitness activities. Furthermore, other apps would have to be downloaded in order to suggest healthy meal plans. The list continues as more functions are desired by the user where each individual app is used for only one specific task. To combine all of the various tasks together in an integrated package, YAZIO Calorie Counter, Diet & Nutrition Tracker makes the entire health process from counting calories to losing weight easier.
The combination of all of these functions makes YAZIO a highly useful application for users who wish to gain, lose, or maintain their weight. In tracking nutritional habits, the app shows a general overview of day to day caloric consumption as well as keeps track of protein, carbs, and fat intake. As it may be tedious and time consuming to track each individual food that is eaten, the app streamlines this process by integrating a built-in barcode scanner to rapidly look through several foods based on brand-name products which alleviates the need for manual input. In doing so, users are able to get an idea of the how much a particular nutrient is being consumed to determine whether to reduce or increase the intake of that food.
Furthermore, the YAZIO Calorie Counter App makes it possible for users to easily track their sporting and fitness activities, selecting from over 200+ sports available. Through this, monitoring fitness levels to stay healthy is done by selecting an activity, choosing a duration, and then adding it to the daily diary. This feature can also be used to log in weight progress. All of these metrics are stored together in order to be analyzed to provide a user with visual reports and summaries on how they are progressing towards their goal. Additionally, the user is able to analyze nutrition patterns with the YAZIO App.
Although the functionalities of the app are integrated in a highly convenient way, these functions also exist in competing apps. For example, barcode calorie counting and diet suggestions are common functions that are not new to the health category. Furthermore, manual logs of the fitness activity makes using the app somewhat repetitive as users are required to input nearly all of their exercises into the app. This is in contrast to fully integrated systems that utilize the information from hardware devices such as FitBit to automatically sync in physical activity.
As one of the most streamlined apps aimed at improving fitness and health, YAZIO makes getting in shape safer, more efficient, and more sustainable than any single diet. From tracking calories, various nutrients, diets, and even activities, the app provides a comprehensive report on how a user is progressing towards their goal in order to serve as a personalized, all-around fitness trainer.


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RFID has been a funny thing in Australia.
For years, pretty much all of us in the event industry were sure it would be 'the next big thing'. With a large US-based RFID systems provider launching in Australia a few years ago it was assumed that many music festivals would moving to RFID for patron identification and cashless bars. All the momentum was in the favour of RFID and many of us were saying "I told you so".
But, after some notable events initially trialed the technology, the majority decided to go back to their usual methods of accreditation, identification and payment systems. It seemed that the technology just wasn't returning on it's investment. The US-based company has since floundered and another notable expert in RFID also recently left the events space all together. Two more victims of the fickle Australian events market, which sees big music festivals come and go at an alarming rate.
After that, RFID got very quiet, with mentions of it few and far between. RFID for Events seemed like an idea that had come and gone with barely a whisper.
2016 is shaping up to be a very different proposition.
RFID for Events in 2016
Whilst the RFID wristbands and RFID cards have been cost effective for years, it has been cumbersome RFID systems and solutions that have prevented the technology from really taking off.
Fortunately Australia now boasts several knowledgeable businesses who have entered the fray and who are finally offering systems that make sense. These systems are modeled on successful international systems that offer several key benefits that had been missing before:
- The ability to operate offline in case of a network loss
- The ability to operate via apps and smartphones, increasing the accessibility of such a system
- Far greater POS integration, allowing for intelligent cashless bars and easy to use "top up" stations that minimise the number of transactions taking place.
- Much lower costs associated with the set-up
- More advanced metrics and data to analyse after the event, with genuine benefits derived from the data that will improve profits at the next event.
- Additional avenues to generate revenue, more often than not paying for the entire system itself, and then some.
The emphasis in 2016 will be less on access control, and more on managing connected crowds, social media integration, crowd management, brand activation and cashless payments.
Because of the above, and the continued cost effectiveness of RFID wristbands and RFID Cards, RFID for events is poised for a dramatic return to relevance.
Stay tuned, and for more information on systems, wristbands and cards, contact AAC ID Solutions in Australia at 1300 797 478 or [email protected]


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I am in Canada visiting with family this week while waiting to attend the breast cancer conference with Sister on Wednesday in Toronto. While lounging at Sister's this weekend, I picked up a magazine from the stack under her coffee table. It was one of Canada's premier women's magazines, Chatelaine. I love this magazine — my mother used to buy me a subscription every year when I lived here.
As far back as I remember, Chatelaine addressed breast cancer. They would have a supplemental section a couple of times a year for Look Good, Feel Better, the Canadian Cancer Society's self-esteem program for women going through breast cancer treatment. Actually, when I was in my twenties I questioned why they would keep reminding women that they could get breast cancer — now I applaud them.
The cover of the issue I picked up featured Kim Cattrall (Samantha from Sex in the City) wearing a t-shirt designed to raise money for breast cancer research. The issue also had stories of three women diagnosed with breast cancer, including their pictures and that of their families. I can never read these stories all the way through, since I am so familiar with the plotline. I usually read the beginning paragraphs and the end — I love the end. I love when women survive breast cancer and the treatment and get on with living.
The toughest story of the three was about a 24-year-old having to make a decision between a mastectomy and a lumpectomy. I mean, 24 years old! Breast cancer isn't easy for anyone, but imagine, this woman was barely an adult. Breast cancer is so cruel. The one line in her page-length recount of her battle that hit me the hardest referred to how she had to put her life on hold while everyone around her kept on living. This is the typical response of so many of us that get hit with this disease.
This young woman was eager to have reconstructive surgery and get back into her bikini by summer. At 24, what else should she have to be concerned about other than choosing a fun bikini and planning fun summer outings? Finding herself with one breast and excessively short hair, she felt she should spend the immediate future focused on building her career. This too is typical of those of us with dealing with a body image and self-esteem assaulted by breast cancer; we try to focus on something besides our appearance.
These women are dear to my heart. They are Canadian, like me, and they are breast cancer survivors, like me. As for Kim Cattrall on the cover – well, she is Canadian too and she played the part of someone with breast cancer. Now she lends her voice to an organization working to find a cure. With a diagnosis or without a diagnosis, we are women and we are all in this together. Breast cancer doesn't recognize borders, and neither should we when it comes to this fight.


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A story about a snail called Jaques.
Don't miss the opportunity to get your Carnivore 2!
Delightful art on your MSX screen
Clube MSX starts to take pre-orders for the fifth issue.
Shockwave 2
Topic: Hardware
The TechnoBytes Shockwave OPL4 gets upgraded, pre-order now.
WebMSX 5.3
Topic: Emulation
WebMSX got stronger with version 5.3 being just released
A summary of lasts month's activity on the MRC Download Database.
The Avalon OST for the Yamaha OPL4 soundchip.
Here's the 3rd preservation collection of MSX Pixel Art and the MSX chiptune collection vol.1
An MSX emulator for PlayStation 4.


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Genius Networks has been named Best Wholesale Service Provider in the 2015 Comms National Awards to notch up its third major award win of the year. With overall CNA entries up 30% on 2014, the team fought off strong competition from seven other shortlisted companies and celebrated their hat-trick of firsts on 22nd October at a ceremony in the Grand Connaught Rooms, Covent Garden.
The latest win follows hot on the heels of top accolades earned earlier in the year at IT Europa's European IT & Software Excellence Awards, which recognises best practice by systems integrators, solution VARs, MSPs and ISVs across Europe, and the Comms Business Awards in the Wholesale Provider of the Year category.
The three awards underline the rapid progress Genius has made in developing its best-of-breed network service offering for channel partners and are peer-to-peer acknowledgement of the company's achievements in a highly competitive market.
"We're incredibly proud to add the CNA award to our other prestigious wins this year," said James Arnold, Genius CEO. "We launched Genius in 2012 to fill the service vacuum between network carrier and reseller, after spending 18 months developing our own core network and the CRISP routing platform.
"We chose to address the challenging but soaring demand for global networks, particularly those supporting voice and unified communications and have now created more than 80 Reseller Partnerships with top UK service providers and global vendors. Resellers say that our Partner Portal offers the best online support out there, giving them instant access to pricing, provisioning, network monitoring, help desk and marketing services."
Genius network solutions are designed to provide resellers with all the support they need to deliver bespoke capabilities to their global customers – something that the big network carriers are unable or unwilling to do. These solutions can be simply provisioned, quickly implemented and out-perform other network aggregators on price, voice quality and latency management. This means that resellers are able to speed-up time to value and increase their margins.
Roberts believes the string of awards won by Genius this year is a timely reflection of the need for change in the way global network services are delivered: "It's no longer good enough to have a one-size, one-price fits all proposition for resellers," he said. "The market for global comms is expanding exponentially and high quality tailored services are essential for businesses who want to capitalise on the benefits of unified communications. That's exactly what we offer – with Genius you get what you need, not what you're given."
Press Releases
Press Releases


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By mariska on May 25, 2015
See some of the best wildlife in Africa. Play one of the best golf courses in the world. Leopard Creek, usually open only to members.
view package
Loads more here..
click here
Click here for more info...
Choose a Safari Package Here..
The International Association of Golf Tour Operators (IAGTO) Awards were established in 2000 to reward exceptional contributions to the world of golf travel. IAGTO's 500+ golf tour operators from 61 different countries cast their votes ...
© 2015, Golf in the Garden Route |
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Hunting boots for any situation – from stalking in the woods to trekking in the mountains. Our boots have been thoroughly field tested by experienced shooters.
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A slightly unusual blog today, on the music in videogames. I love the audio aspect of games, both music and voice acting. Personally, I think the sounds of a game evoke a mood and build an atmosphere more than the graphics.
Voice-acting really took off a generation or two ago, before which RPGs were largely or entirely textual. Generally, this is a good thing, although it is worth pointing out that Vagrant Story (about which I'm going to write a retro-review soonish) was 100% text and is one of my favourite RPGs ever.
Music, however, has been around forever, although the sound quality's improved dramatically. Likewise, the composition quickly evolved from tinny electronic sounds to some frankly fantastic scores.
I'm a casual gamer, tending to buy a smallish number of games and playing them relatively intensively, rather than buying tons. My first real system was the Megadrive, after which I've been in the Playstation camp. [Actually, I did have an Amstrad something or other pre-Megadrive, but cassette games that took 30 minutes to load are not exactly exciting].
I mentioned Vagrant Story above, for good reason. The music is very good throughout, and some of it is excellent. Here's Lea Monde At Dawn, by Hitoshi Sakimoto:
Metal Gear Solid was and remains one of my favourite games. Along with fantastic voice-acting it featured the brilliant The Best Is Yet To Come, composed by Rika Muranaka and sung by Aoife Ni Fhearraigh.
Final Fantasy is quite often mentioned when people talk about great music. I think it's usually overrated, but there are some good tracks. My favourite is from the first FF I ever played (VII), which is the boss theme of Sephiroth. One Winged Angel, composed by Nobuo Uematsu, has an original electronic version, and an orchestral one, which I prefer and have embedded.
Music, like storylines, is something that doesn't necessarily get better as technology progresses. Graphics improve as time goes on, but an excellent plot or well-written piece of music is timeless.


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- Home
- Government
- City Council
- Local Boards, Commissions & Committees
- Public Art Committee
Public Art Committee
|Meeting Agendas
|Audio Recordings
|Action Minutes
|Amended: December 3, 2019
|Committee Type
|Community Advisory Standing Committee
|December 18, 1990
|Official Action
|Ordinance No. 90-20; Resolution No. 17-39 (amended regular meeting schedule)
|Provide input and recommendations regarding City policies, priorities and feedback related to the City's Percent for Art Ordinance, and related matters.
|Committee Composition
| Up to 9 Members:
*Committee composition is determined by the City Council.
*Can appoint an additional 4 non-members per art project subcommittee.
|Committee Facts
|Committee members shall receive no compensation. However, members may receive reimbursement for actual expenses incidental to carrying out the duties of the office, provided that they have first received specific City Council authorization for, and can verify, the expenditure and its purpose. City of Emeryville elected officials may not serve on this Committee. The City of Emeryville does not specifically prohibit concurrent service on more than one committee, provided, however, that the Government Code prohibition against incompatible offices shall apply. If a request were made to serve on more than one committee, a determination would be made as to whether that service would be allowable.
|2 Years, Staggered (expiring June 30)
|Regular Meeting
2nd Thursday of January through September; and
1st Thursday of October; and
2nd Thursday of November and December
Civic Center (1333 Park Avenye, Emeryville)
Vice Chairperson
|Sharon Wilchar
Jean Goldman
|Amber Evans, Community and Economic Development Coordinator II
|City Council Liaison
|Council Member Christian R. Patz
|Contact the Committee
|Other Staff
|Community Development Director


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Texas may have lost out on hiring Nick Saban as its head coach, but it has reportedly managed to get one of his coaching staff members. Alabama defensive line coach Chris Rumph is reportedly set to join the staff of new Texas head coach Charlie Strong as the Longhorns' DL coach.
Rumph joined the Alabama coaching staff in January of 2011. He served as DL coach at Clemson and as an outside linebackers coach for Memphis before that. . He was a linebacker for South Carolina from 1991-1994.
Rumph will replace Texas DL coach Bo Davis, who recently left to become defensive ends coach for new USC head coach Steve Sarkisian.
(via AL.com)


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We've got a new challenge today on the Snowflakes Promise Challenge Blog - as always it's an 'anything Christmas' challenge so everyone can join in! All the details about the challenge are here on the challenge blog.
Our sponsor this week is:
For my card I've used a digi from Sami Stamps called 'Christmas Gift Poodle' - you can find it here in the Sami Stamps Etsy shop. The paper I've used is from a Bebunny pad.