text:
Rodney Ohebsion
Who is Mulla Nasrudin?
It was a cold winter day, and a heavily dressed man noticed Nasrudin outside wearing very little clothing.
"Mulla," the man said, "how is it that I am wearing all these clothes and still feel a little cold, while you are barely wearing anything, and seem unaffected by the weather?"
"Well," replied Nasrudin, "I don't have any more clothes, so I can't afford to feel cold. But you have plenty of clothes, and thus have the liberty to feel cold."
Nasrudin was lying on his couch with his eyes closed. His brother-in-law went up to him and asked, "Are you asleep?" "Why do you ask?" Nasrudin replied. "I was wondering if you could loan me three hundred dollars," said the other. "Well," answered Nasrudin, "let's go back to you your fist question--'Am I asleep.' The answer is yes, I am--so leave me alone!"
A philosopher made an appointment with Nasrudin to have a scholarly discussion. When the day came, the philosopher dropped by Nasrudin's house as planned. However, Nasrudin wasn't home. The philosopher angrily took his pencil out of his pocket, wrote "Asshole" on Nasrudin's door, and then left
Nasrudin finally came home later and saw this. He quickly realized that he had missed his appointment, and he darted off to the philosopher's house.
"Forgive my error," Nasrudin told the philosopher when he got there. "I totally forgot about our appointment today. But when I got home and saw that you had written your name on my door, I came here as fast as I could."
Nasrudin snuck into someone's garden and began putting vegetable in his sack. The owner saw him and shouted, "What are you doing in my garden?"
"The wind blew me here," Nasrudin confidently responded.
"Well then," said the other. "Can explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?"
"Oh, that's simple," Nasrudin explained. "I had to grab them to stop myself from being thrown any further by the wind."
"Well," the man continued, "then tell me this--how did the vegetables get in your sack?"
"You know what," Nasrudin said, "I was just standing here and wondering that same thing myself!"
Mulla Nasrudin - Bravo
One day, a local man climbed up a rather tall tree.
Shortly thereafter, however, as he tried to make his way back down, he soon discovered that the trip down might not be as easy as the trip up. In fact, try as he might, he simply could not figure out a way to get down the tree without putting his body at great risk of falling to the ground.
He asked a few passers-by for help, but no one knew what to do.
A few local people gathered near him and tried to help, but he remained stuck.
Then Nasrudin walked by and devised a plan. He threw a rope up to the man and said, "Tie this around your waist."
The people nearby wondered about what Nasrudin was doing. They asked him his plan, but he calmly replied, "Just trust me--this works."
When the man had the rope tied around his waist, Nasrudin pulled on the rope. Upon his doing this, the man fell from the tree and hurt himself. The bystanders, horrified to see this happen, remarked, "What kind of a plan was that?"
"Well," Nasrudin replied, "I once saved someone's life doing the exact same thing."
"Are you sure," one man asked.
"Yes," Nasrudin replied. "The only thing I'm not sure about is whether I saved him from a well or from a tree."
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Mulla Nasrudin - The Guarantee
One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught by a friend walking next to him.
From then on, every time Nasrudin encountered the friend, the latter was sure to bring up the incident and make a big deal about it.
After months passed and Nasrudin could take no more of this, he led the friend to the same lake, and, with clothes and shoes still on, deliberately jumped right into the water! As he lay in the water, he remarked to the friend, "Now I'm as wet as I would have been if you didn't save me that day…so for goodness sake, please stop reminding me about it!"
One day, Nasrudin began talking to a man from another town. The man lamented, "I am rich, but I am also sad and miserable. I have taken my money and gone traveling in search of joy-but alas, I have yet to find it."
As the man continued speaking, Nasrudin grabbed the man's bag and ran off with it. The man chased him, and Nasrudin soon ran out of the man's sight. He hid behind a tree, and put the bag in the open road for the man to see.
When the man caught up, he located the bag, and his facial expression immediately turned from distress to joy. As the man danced in celebration of finding his bag, Nasrudin thought to himself, "That's one way to bring joy to a sad man."
One day, a cow drinking water from a container got its head stuck in the container's narrow passage.
The cow's owner and various passersby noticed what had happened, and some tried to prod the cow's head out--but alas, the cow remained stuck, much to the
Then Nasrudin walked by.
"What happened," Nasrudin asked.
"My cow's head is stuck in that container," replied the animal's owner, "and we don't know what we should do. Mulla, do you have any ideas?"
Nasrudin examined the cow and container, and then said, "Cut off the cow's head."
So the man followed Nasrudin's advice, causing the cow's head to drop into the container.
"What should I do now?" the man asked.
"Break the container," replied Nasrudin, "and take out the cow's head."
The local religious leader invited Nasrudin over for dinner one night.
Nasrudin, not having eaten much that day, was famished when he got there, and eger to eat as soon as possible.
After two hours, however, the religious leader had yet to offer Nasrudin any food, and instead spoke nonstop about a variety of religious topics.
As Nasrudin grew more annoyed with each passing minute, he finally interrupted the man and said, "May I ask you something?"
"What?" the religious leader answered, eager to hear some religious question that would prompt him to continue talking.
"I was just wondering," Nasrudin said, "did any of the people in your stories ever eat?"
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Nasrudin decided to wear elaborate Arabic clothing one day. When he came home, his wife noticed that the clothing had been torn up to shreds.
"What happened to you?" his she asked. "Did you get beaten up?"
"Yes," Nasrudin replied.
"But why?" she inquired. "It's not like people beat up others for wearing an outfit like that."
"Well," Nasrudin said, "tell that to a group of Kurds who are looking for an Arab to beat up."
Nasrudin was invited to the royal palace for dinner one night. During the meal, the King asked Nasrudin if he enjoyed the stew.
"Yes," replied Nasrudin, "it was fantastic."
"Really?" said the King. "I thought it was pretty bad."
"Yes," said Nasrudin, "you're right--it was quite awful."
"Wait a minute," remarked the King. "You just said it was fantastic a few seconds ago."
"That's correct," explained Nasrudin, "but I live in and serve the town of the King, not the stew."
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Nasrudin was talking to his neighbor one day, and the neighbor lamented, "I'm really having trouble fitting my family in our small house. It's me, my wife, my three kids, and my mother-in-law-all sharing the same cottage. Mulla Nasrudin, you are a wise man. Do you have any advice for me?"
"Yes," replied Nasrudin. "Do you have any chickens in your yard?
"I have ten," the man replied.
"Put them in the house," said Nasrudin.
"But Mulla," the man remarked, "our house is already cramped as it is."
"Just try it," replied Nasrudin.
The man, desperate to find a solution to his spacing woes, followed Nasrudin's advice, and paid him another visit the next day.
"Mulla," he said, "things are even worse now. With the chickens in the house, we are even more pressed for space."
"Now take that donkey of yours," replied Nasrudin, "and bring it in the house."
The man bemoaned and objected, but Nasrudin convinced him to do it.
The next day, the man, now looking more distressed than ever, came up to Nasrudin and said, "Now my home is even more crowded! Between my family, the chickens, and that donkey of mine, there is barely any room to move."
"Well then," said Nasrudin, "do you have any other animals in your yard?"
"Yes," the man replied, "we have a goat."
"OK," said the other. "Take the goat in your house too."
The man once again raised a fuss and seemed anything but eager to follow Nasrudin's advice, but Nasrudin once again convinced him to put yet another animal in the house.
The next day, the man, now full of _ and _ , came up to Nasrudin and exclaimed, "My family is really upset now. Everyone is at my throat complaining about the lack of space. Your plan is making us miserable."
"OK," Nasrudin replied, "now take all of the animals back outside."
So the man followed his advice, and the next day, he dropped by Nasrudin and remarked, "Mulla-your plan has worked like a charm. With all the animals out, my house is so spacious that none of us can help but being pleased and uncomplaining."
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Nasrudin went to a wealthy man's home one day for a business appointment. As he walked towards the front door, he looked through a side window and saw the man eating soup.
Nasrudin continued to the front, and knocked on the door.
The man's son opened it.
"Hi," said Nasrudin. "I am here to see your father.
"Well," other replied, "my father went out and won't be back for many hours."
"OK," said Nasrudin, "but tell your father that the next time he leaves the house, he should remember not to leave his head near his home's window!"
Nasrudin was scheduled to give a religious speech one day to an all-male audience, but had no particular topic in mind.
He thought of one, and began preaching:
"Gentleman," he said. "We must stop allowing our wives to wear make-up. It is inappropriate, indecent, impure, wicked, and by all means sinful. Any man who let's his wife wear make-up should be ashamed of himself!"
"But Mullah," said one of the men, "your wife always wears make-up!"
"Yes, that's true," Nasrudin remarked. "And it looks great on her, doesn't it?"
One day, the town's new conqueror asked Nasrudin, "If I were a slave, how much would I cost?"
"Five hundred dollars," Nasrudin responded.
"What!" the conqueror shouted in great anger. "Just the clothes I'm wearing right now are worth five hundred dollars!"
"Yes," replied Nasrudin, "I factored the clothes into my price."
One day, the local people complained to Nasrudin, "Your wife is always walking here and there, going to all sorts of different places. 'Tis improper for a woman. For God's sake, Mulla, tell her that she should stop moving around so much."
"OK," reaplied Nasrudin. "If she ever comes to our house, I'll be sure to tell her."
A man noticed Nasrudin eating dates with their seeds.
"Why are you eating the seeds" the man asked.
"Because," explained Nasrudin, "the merchant who sold them to me included the weight of the seeds."
Nasrudin was standing near a river. A man on the other side shouted to him, "Hey! How can I get across the river?"
"You are across!" Nasrudin shouted back.
Nasrudin, suffering from some eye irritation, went to see a doctor.
The doctor took a look at him and said, "Your eyes are very red."
"Do they also ache?" asked Nasrudin.
While Nasrudin was staying in another town, a local man asked him what three times two was.
"Four," Nasrudin replied.
"You are wrong," the man said. "The answer is six."
"Actually," explained Nasrudin, "I am not wrong. We use different type of math where I am from."
Nasrudin, having just got engaged to a new woman in town, went to his fiancée's home to meet his future mother-in-law.
"Tell me," she said, "are you sure that this is the first time you are getting married?"
"Yes," Nasrudin replied, "I swear on my four kids that I have never been married before."
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Nasrudin had a friend over at his house.
"Have some of these strawberries," Nasrudin said.
"Thank you," replied the friend, "but I have already eaten five of them."
"I usually don't count," Nasrudin replied, "but you actually ate ten."
One day, Nasrudin went to the local doctor and told him, "Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreamt I *dreams in which I have wrestling matches with donkeys."
The doctor gave Nasrudin an herb and said, "Eat this, and your dreams will go away."
"Can I start taking them tomorrow?" Nasrudin asked.
"Why?" the doctor inquired.
"Because I'm scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight," Nasrudin replied.
One night, a thief broke into Nasrudin's house and began putting items in a sack. Nasrudin then joined him and added a few items.
The thief was so bewildered that he turned to Nasrudin and asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
"Well," Nasrudin replied, "I thought we were moving, so I began helping you pack."
One night, Nasrudin awoke and exclaimed to his wife, "Wife! Please get up! I have just been divinely inspired! Get me a pencil and piece of paper at once!"
His wife lit a candle, fetched the pencil and paper, and handed it to Nasrudin.
Nasrudin wrote rapidly, and was about to put out the candle and go back to sleep when his wife exclaimed, "Wait. Please read me what you wrote.
Nasrudin picked up the paper and read, "Wherever you go, there you are."
Nasrudin heard a knock at his door one night. He opened the door, and the man standing there said, "Mullah, can you help a brother out and provided me with some shelter for the night. I am God's nephew."
"Oh, is that so?" asked Nasrudin.
"It surely is," the man replied.
"Well then," remarked Nasrudin, "for an exalted guest such as yourself, I must offer only the most exalted place to spend the night."
Nasrudin stepped outside and closed his door, and then turned to the man and said, "Follow me."
The man curiously followed Nasrudin.
Hundreds of meters later, they reached the local Mosque.
Nasrudin turned to the man and said, "And what better place could I offer you to stay the night than here at your own uncle's house!"
Nasrudin borrowed a pot from his friend. The next day, he gave the friend back the pot, plus another smaller pot.
The friend looked at the small pot, and said, "What's that?"
"Your pot gave birth while I had it," said Nasrudin, "so I am giving you its child."
The friend, happy to receive the bonus, did not ask another question.
A week later, Nasrudin once again borrowed the original pot from the friend. After a week passed, the friend asked Nasrudin to return it.
"I can't," said Nasrudin.
"Why not?" the friend asked.
"Well," Nasrudin answered, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news…but your pot has died."
"What?" the friend asked with skepticism. "A pot can't die!"
"Well, you believed it gave birth," said Nasrudin, "so is why is it that you can't believe it died?
Nasrudin was digging outside, and his neighbor asked him, "What are you working on?"
"Well," Nasrudin replied, "There's a lot of excess dirt on the road, so I'm digging a hole to bury it in."
"But what are you going to do with the dirt that you 're digging out of this new hole?" said the neighbor.
"Hey," Nasrudin replied, "I can't attend to every single detail."
One day, as Nasrudin and sonme other locals chatted at the town square, a bragging contest soon developed among the group.
One by one they spoke of amazing feats they accomplished, each tale seeming more outlandish than the last.
Finally, after hearing everyone else, Nasrudin stood up and took his turn. "A long time ago, all the strong men in town wanted to decide who was the strongest. There was this massive tipped-over pillar near the grocery store, and they decided to see if anyone could lift it. One by one, each of them tried, and one by one, each of them failed. Keep in mind that these were massive, muscular guys. Then I stepped up. I rubbed my hands together, and gripped the pillar as all the others watched."
"Yes, go on!" the others remarked. "And then what happened?"
"And then I found out I couldn't pick it up, either!" replied Nasrudin.
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Nasrudin and some others were in the town square one day, and the topic of conversation turned to how they changed since they were younger. Some of them talked about how they were wiser, and some talked about how they were weaker. Nasrudin spoke up and said, "Not only am I wiser than I used to be, I'm as strong as I was in my youth."
"Are you sure?" One of them asked.
"Yes. I've tested it," Nasrudin replied.
"How did you test it?" they asked.
"Well there is this big rock outside my house. I couldn't lift it when I was young, and I still can't lift it now."
Nasrudin was hanging a painting in his room. As he hammered the nail, he accidentally hit too hard, and made a big hole in his wall. He looked through it and saw goats on the other side, but did not realize that he was looking into his neighbor's yard.
Nasrudin immediately ran to his wife and exclaimed, "Wife! You are not going to believe this! Guess what!"
"What?" she replied.
"I was hanging a painting in my room, and…you're not going to believe this!" Nasrudin exclaimed.
"What!" his wife asked curiously.
"My hammer went through the wall, and…this is really incredible," Nasrudin said.
"What?" his wife replied, now totally full of anticipation.
"I accidentally discovered another universe right in my room--a universe of goats!".
Nasrudin loaded a barrel of cherries on his donkey, and went off to the bazaar to sell them. On his way, a group of about a dozen children noticed him, and were elated to see all the cherries he was carrying. They began dancing and singing in anticipation of eating cherries.
"Mulla," they said, "please give us some."
Now, Nasrudin was in a dilemma. On one hand, he adored children and did not want to disappoint them; but on the other hand, he loved profits and did not want to sacrifice them either.
After thinking the matter over, he took six cherries out of the barrel and gave them to the children.
"Can we have more?" the children asked.
"Listen," Nasrudin replied, "these cherries all taste the same. What difference does it make if each of you eats half a cherry, or each of you eats fifty?"
The Town Gossip: "Nasrudin, I just saw some men delivering a huge tub of stew."
Nasrudin: "What's it to me?"
The Town Gossip: "They were taking it to your house."
Nasrudin: "What's it to you?"
Friend: "Nasrudin, I heard that you have a barrel of thirty year old vinegar. Is it true?"
Nasrudin: "Yes."
Friend: "Can I have some?"
Nasrudin: "No."
Friend: "Why not?"
Nasrudin: "Well, it's just the principal of the matter."
Friend: "What do you mean? What principle?"
Nasrudin: "The principle that if I had given some vinegar to everyone who asked me for some, I would not have any thirty year old vinegar."
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A man noticed Nasrudin intently inspecting the ground outside his door.
"Mulla," he said, "what are you looking for?"
"I'm looking for a ring I dropped," Nasrudin replied.
"Oh," the man replied as he also began searching. "Well where exactly were you standing when you dropped it?"
"In my bedroom," Nasrudin replied, "not more than a foot in front of my bed."
"Your bedroom?!" the man aasked. "Then why are you searching for it out here near your doorway.
"Because," Nasrudin explained, "there is much more light out here."
Nasrudin and a friend were watching Nasrudin's children.
.The friend asked Nasrudin's young son, "What is a dilettante?"
The son replied, "That is an herb used for seasoning."
A delighted Nasrudin turned to his friend and said, "Did you hear that? What a fine boy I have. Just like his father. He made up an answer all by himself!"
Friend: "Nasrudin, you should get up early in the mornings."
Nasrudin: "Why?"
"Well, as they say, 'the early bird gets the worm.'"
"Well, I still don't know if getting up early has any merit to me. After all, I am not hunting for worms."
"I thought you might say that. But listen to this. A few days ago, I woke up at sunrise and went for a walk, and on my way, I came across a gold ring lying right on the ground!"
"Well how do you know it wasn't lost the night before that?
"I'm sure it wasn't. I was on the same road the night before and did not see it."
"Well, then, that shows that it isn't always so great to get up early."
"Why is that?"
"Because the person who lost that gold must have gotten up earlier than you did!"
One day, Nasrudin was repairing his roof, and was interrupted by a stranger knocking on his door.
"What do you want?" Nasrudin shouted down to him from the roof.
"Come down so I can tell you," the stranger replied.
Nasrudin angrily climbed down the ladder.
"Well!" Nasrudin snapped at the stranger, "What's so important?"
"Can you spare some money for this poor old man?" asked the stranger.
Nasrudin started climbing up the ladder. He turned to the old man and, "Follow me up to the roof."
The latter did, and when they both reached the roof, Nasrudin turned to him again and said, "No, you can't have any money. Now get off my roof!"
Nasrudin the smuggler was leading a donkey that had bundles of straw on its back. An experienced border inspector spotted Nasrudin coming to his border.
"Halt," the inspector said. "What is your business here?"
"I am an honest smuggler!" replied Nasrudin.
"Oh, really?" said the inspector. "Well, let me search those straw bundles. If I find something in them, you are required to pay a border fee!"
"Do as you wish," Nasrudin replied, "but you will not find anything in those bundles."
The inspector intensively searched and took apart the bundles, but could not find a single thing in them. He turned to Nasrudin and said, "I suppose you have managed to get one by me today. You may pass the border."
Nasrudin crossed the border with his donkey while the annoyed inspector looked on. And then the very next day, Nasrudin once again came to the border with a straw-carrying donkey. The inspector saw Nasrudin coming and thought, "I'll get him for sure this time."
He checked the bundles of straw again, and then searched through the Nasrudin's clothing, and even went through the donkey's harness. But once again he came up empty handed and had to let Nasrudin pass.
This same pattern continued every day for several years, and every day Nasrudin wore more and more extravagant clothing and jewelry that indicated he was getting wealthier. Eventually, the inspector retired from his longtime job, but even in retirement he still wondered about the man with the straw-carrying donkey.
"I should have checked that donkey's mouth more extensively," he thought to himself. "Or maybe he hid something in the donkey's rectum."
Then one day he spotted Nasrudin's face in a crowd. "Hey," the inspector said, "I know you! You are that man who came to my border everyday for all those years with a donkey carrying straw. Please, sir, I must talk to you."
Nasrudin came towards him and the inspector continued talking. "My friend, I always wondered what you were smuggling past my border everyday. Just between you and me, you must tell me. I must know. What in the world were you smuggling for all those years? I must know!"
Nasrudin simply replied, "donkeys."
The village mayor wrote a poem and read it to Nasrudin.
"Did you like the poem?" he asked.
"No, not really," Nasrudin replied, "it wasn't very good."
The mayor was enraged, and he sentenced Nasrudin to three days in jail. The next week, the mayor called Nasrudin in his office to read him another poem he had written. When the mayor finished reading, he turned to Nasrudin and asked, "Well, what do you think of this one?"
Nasrudin did not say anything, and immediately began walking away. The mayor inquired, "Just where do you think you're going?'
"To jail!" Nasrudin replied.
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Nasrudin was listening to a group of people in the midst of a scholarly discussion. One sage remarked, "People are so unreasonable-they complain of cold in the winter, and of heat in the summer. Is there nothing that can satisfy people?"
"Well," replied Nasrudin, what about fall and spring?"
A man noticed Nasrudin digging a hole, and asked him about it.
The reply was, "I buried something in this field last month, and I've been trying to find it all morning."
"Well," said the other, "did you have some kind of marking system for it."
Nasrudin said, "Of course I did! When I was burying it, there was a cloud directly over it that cast a shadow--but now I can't find that cloud, either!"
Nasrudin brought his donkey to sell at the bazaar.
The donkey, however, would not cooperate, and bit every single person who tried to inspect it.
A nearby seller noticed all of this, and said, "Do you really expect to sell a donkey that behaves like that?"
"No," Nasrudin replied, "not really. I just brought him here so other people would experience what I have to put up with every day!"
Some of Nasrudin's acquaintances wanted to get Nasrudin to kill his biggest goat and invite them for a meal.
One day they told him, "Did you hear the news?"
"No, what is it?" Nasrudin replied.
"The world is coming to an end tomorrow!" the friend said.
Upon hearing this, Nasrudin invited all of them to dinner that night to eat the goat. They came to his house and ate it--but upon finishing it, they discovered that Nasrudin had taken all of their coats and used them to kindle his fire.
They began protesting with anger, but Nasrudin interrupted them and remarked, "Don't you remember that the world is coming to an end tomorrow? What difference does it make if you have your coats or not?"
A traveling scholar treated Nasrudin to a meal at a local restaurant.
The scholar ordered two lamb steaks--and several minutes later, after the waiter brought back a platter containing one medium sized steak and one larger one, Nasrudin immediately took the larger steak and put in on his plate.
The scholar looked at him with total disbelief. "What you did violates virtually every moral, ethical, etiquette, and religious principle there is," the scholar began explaining. He continued with a long lecture.
When he finally finished talking, Nasrudin asked, "Well, may I ask what you would have done if you were in my situation?"
"Yes," the scholar replied. "I would have taken the smaller steak for myself."
Nasrudin placed the smaller steak on the scholar's plate and said, "OK, fine--here you go!"
Nasrudin and his son were traveling with their donkey. Nasrudin preferred to walk while his son rode the donkey. But then they passed a group of bystanders, and one scoffed, "Look--that selfish boy is riding on a donkey while his poor old father is forced to walk alongside. That is so disrespectful. What a horrible and spoiled child!"
Nasrudin and his son felt embarrassed, so they switched spots--this time Nasrudin rode the donkey while his son walked. Soon they passed another group of people. "Oh, that's detestable!" one of them exclaimed. "That poor young boy has to walk while his abusive father rides the donkey! That horrible man should be ashamed of himself for the way he's treating his son. What a heartless parent!"
Nasrudin was upset to hear this. He wanted to avoid anybody else's scorn, so he decided to have both himself and his son ride the donkey at the same time. As they both rode, they passed another group of people. "That man and his son are so cruel," one bystander said. "Just look at how they are forcing that poor donkey to bear the weight if two people. They should be put in jail for their despicable act. What scoundrels!"
Nasrudin heard this and told his son, "I guess the only way we can avoid the derisive comments of others is to both walk."
"I suppose you are right," the son replied.
So they got off the donkey and continued on foot. But as they passed another group of people, they heard them laughing. "Ha, ha, ha," the group jeered. "Look at those two fools. They are so stupid that both of them are walking under this scorching hot sun and neither of them is riding the donkey! What morons!"
Nasrudin's wife heard a loud noise in the next room. She went to inspect it, and saw her husband sitting on the floor.
"What was that?" she cried.
"It was just my clothes," replied Nasrudin. "They fell down."
"But how could your clothes make such a loud noise?" she asked.
"Because I was in them," replied Nasrudin.
Man: "Nasrudin, when is a good time to eat?"
Nasrudin: "Well, for the rich, anytime, and for the poor, anytime they find food."
Nasrudin was inspecting a house he wanted to buy. The home's next-door neighbor noticed, walked over, and began telling him how great of a house it was.
When he finished talking, Nasrudin remarked, "Well, what you're saying might be true, but there is one drawback to living here that you neglected to tell me about."
"What's that?"
"A nosey neighbor!"
Nasrudin was busy sprinkling crumbs on the ground around his house. A neighbor saw him and asked, "Nasrudin, what are you doing?"
"I want to keep tigers away," he replied.
'But there aren't any tigers within a fifty kilometer radius from here," the neighbor retorted.
"Yes," said Nasrudin, "thanks to my powder."
Man: "Mulla, why do you always answer a question with another question?"
Nasrudin: "Why shouldn't I?"
Nasrudin dreamt that a man was giving him nine coins, but that he demanded ten. Suddenly, Nasrudin woke up, and looked at his hands and saw that they had no coins in them. He closed his eyes, opened his hand, and said, "OK--you win. I'll settle for nine."
One day, Nasrudin was boasting to a group of others about how tremendously hospitable he was. One of them, eager to make Nasrudin make due on his claim, said, "Well then, will you take us all to your home and treat us to a meal?"
Nasrudin agreed and led the group towards his house. Upon arriving there, he told them, "Wait out here so I can let my wife know what's going on."
He went in and told her--but she replied by saying, "We don't have any food. You must turn them away."
"I surely cannot do that!" Nasrudin replied with great alarm. "My reputation for hospitality is at stake here!"
"Fine," his wife said, "go hide upstairs, and if they start calling for you, I'll tell them you're not here."
So Nasrudin did as she said, and left his guests waiting outside.
After some time had passed, they grew impatient and began pounding on the door and calling for their host.
"Nasrudin! Nasrudin!" they shouted.
Nasrudin's wife opened the door and told them, "Nasrudin isn't here."
"That doesn't make any sense," one of them replied. "After all, we saw him go in, and we've been waiting here watching this door this whole time."
As Nasrudin listened to this from upstairs, he couldn't help but open his window and retort, "You don't know what you are talking about. I could have gone out the back door!"
Nasrudin went to the palace for a feast-day--but when the servants noticed his ragged clothes, they paid him no attention and offered him no food.
And so, Nasrudin went back to his house, put on his most extravagant clothing, and returned to the palace, where this time he was treated like royalty, and had numerous dishes placed in front of him.
Nasrudin then proceeded to take handfuls of food and pour and rubbing them into his clothing--causing another guest to ask, "What in the world are you doing?"
"Oh, I am just feeding my clothing first," was the reply. "After all, they are what got me this food!"
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Nasrudin's old friend Eynolla came to visit him one day from a far away village.
"I want to introduce you to a few people," Nasrudin told Eynolla.
"OK," replied Eynolla, "but please lend me a turban, for I am not properly dressed."
So Nasrudin lent him the turban, and they went and visited one of Nasrudin's friends. "This is my friend Eynolla," Nasrudin said, "but the turban he's wearing is mine."
Deeply annoyed by the remark, Eynolla waited until they left the friend's house, and then said to Nasrudin, "Why did you comment about turban I am wearing being yours?! Don't do that during our next visit."
So they made their next visit, and this time Nasrudin said, "This is my friend Eynolla--and the turban he's wearing is his, not mine.
As they left, Eynolla once again expressed his annoyance, exclaiming, "Why did you go to such lengths to say that the turban was mine and not yours. Don't do it on our next visit."
So as they made the next visit, Nasrudin said, "This is my friend Eynolla…and I have nothing to say about whether the turban he is wearing is his or mine."
A neighbor ran into Judge Nasrudin's room and asked, "If one man's cow kills another's, is the owner of the first cow responsible?"
"It depends," Nasrudin cautiously answered.
"Well," said the man, "your cow has killed mine!"
"Oh," answered Nasrudin. "Well, everyone knows that a cow can't think like a human. So obviously, a cow isn't responsible-and therefore, its owner isn't responsible either."
"Excuse me, Judge," the man interrupted, "I made a mistake. What I meant to say is that my cow has killed yours!"
Judge Nasrudin sat in contemplation for a few moments. "Now that I think about it more carefully," he announced, "this case is much more complex than I initially thought."
He turned to his assistant and said, "Please bring me that big blue book of laws on the shelf behind you…"
Judge Nasrudin was listening to a case. After hearing the plaintiff present his side, Nasrudin remarked, "You're right."
Then, after the defendant had presented his case, Nasrudin again remarked, "Yes, you're right."
Nasrudin's wife had been listening to the case, and remarked, "that doesn't make any sense--how can both the defendant and palintiff be right?"
"You know what?" Nasrudin responded. "You're right, too!"
Nasrudin was walking through the desert, and spotted a foreign holy man. Nasrudin went and introduced himself, and the holy man said, "I am a mystic devoted to the appreciation of all life forms--especially birds."
"Oh, wonderful," Nasrudin replied. "I am a Mulla, and I would like to stay with you for a while so we can share teachings. And guess what-a bird saved my life once!"
Delighted to hear this, the mystic agreed to share company with Nasrudin. As they shared their teachings, the mystic constantly asked to hear about how a bird saved Nasrudin's life--but each time Nasrudin refused to tell the story.
One day, after the mystic pleaded and pleaded to hear the story, Nasrudin finally agreed.
"OK, here is how the bird saved my life," Nasrudin began explaining while the myystic intently listened. "One day about six years ago, I had not eaten for a long time and was about to starve to death. Then I caught a bird and ate it."
Nasrudin began gradually reducing the amount of food he fed to his donkey each day, hoping to get it accustomed to less and less food. By day thirty, however, the much-emaciated donkey dropped dead.
"Darn it," Nasrudin lamented. "I was just a few days away from getting this donkey used to living on no food at all!"
Nasrudin went to the mayor's palace one day wearing a fancy turban.
"Wow!" said the mayor, "What a magnificent turban! I've never seen anything like it. How much will you sell it for?"
"A thousand dollars," Nasrudin calmly replied.
A local merchant turned to the mayor and remarked, "That price definitely exceeds the market value of comparable items."
"Your price sounds very expensive," the mayor remarked to Nasrudin.
"Well," he replied, "the price is based on how much I bought it for--and I paid a lot for it because I knew that there is only one mayor in the entire universe with taste exquisite enough to buy such a turban."
Upon hearing this compliment, the mayor immediately demanded that Nasrudin be paid full price for the turban.
Nasrudin then walked over to the merchant and said, "You might know the market values of turbans, but I know the market value of complimenting the mayor."
Nasrudin was working for an employer who complained to him one day.
"You're doing everything to slowly," he said. "There's no reason for you to go to the bazaar three separate times to buy material--you surely can do it all at once."
Then several days later, the employer said to Nasrudin, "I'm sick--get a doctor."
Nasrudin came back with a doctor and two other people, causing his boss to ask, "Who are the other two people?
"Well," explained Nasrudin, "in order to save myself from making extra trips, I also brought the imam, in case we need to pray for your recovery; and the undertaker, in case you die!"
An illiterate man asked Nasrudin to write a letter for him.
Nasrudin, however, refused, saying, "Unfortunately, I can't do it right now--my foot hurts too much."
"Your foot?" the man said. "What does that have to do with writing a letter?"
"Well," explained Nasrudin, "since nobody besides me can read my handwriting, I have to go wherever the letter goes so that I can read it to the recipient."
Nasrudin's friend had an egg in his pocket. He went up to Nasrudin and said, "If you can guess what I have in my pocket, I'll treat you to breakfast. I'll give you three clues."
"OK," Nasrudin replied, "give me the clues."
The friend said, "It's yellow in the middle. The rest of it is white. And it's shaped like an egg."
Nasrudin replied, "Is it some kind of pastry?"
Neighbor: "Nasrudin, can I borrow your clothesline?"
Nasrudin: "I need it right now. I'm hanging flour on it."
"What? That is ridiculous. Whoever heard of someone hanging flour on a clothesline?"
"Only those who others don't want to lend it to!"
Nasrudin spotted some ripe oranges in his neighbor's garden, and wanted to steal one.
He took his ladder up to the dividing wall, climbed to the top of it, and pulled the ladder over.
As he began climbing down to his neighbor's side, he suddenly heard the voice of his neighbor exclaiming, "What are you doing here!"
Nasrudin calmly replied, " I'm selling ladders."
The neighbor countered, "Does this look like the place for selling ladders?"
"Well now," Nasrudin said, "do you think that there's only one place to sell ladders?"
One day, Nasrudin sang in a bathhouse, and was very pleased with the sound that was boosted tremendously by the bathhouse acoustics.
When Nasrudin left, he went to the village center and began singing--but the people looked at him in wonder, and one shouted out, "What are you doing? You're not the one to be singing; your voice is no good!"
"Oh yeah," Nasrudin, replied. "Just build a bathhouse here, and then you'll find out how great my voice is!"
Several of the town's warriors were boasting about a recent battle. On of them exclaimed, "In the midst of the battle, several knives had daggered me in my legs and arms, but I continued fighting, and took out five of their men!"
"Well," another warrior chimed in, "I had an axe go right into my leg, and several blades in my arms, yet I still continued fighting, and was able to overcome an ambush of over a dozen men. In fact, I ended up killing them all!"
"That's really not that impressive," replied Nasrudin. "Back in the day when I was in battle, a ten foot tall warrior sliced my head right off, but I picked it up, put it back on my shoulders, and kept on fighting as if nothing had happened!"
Man: "Nasrudin, what is more valuable to us--the sun or the moon?"
Nasrudin: "Well, the sun is out during the daytime when there is light. The moon, on the other hand, provides light during the night when it's dark. Thus, the moon is obviously much more valuable."
Nasrudin was visiting another town, and a man asked him, "What's the word for 'baby cow' in your village?"
Nasrudin couldn't remember the word, so he replied, "Where I'm from, we don't call a baby cow anything. We just wait until it grows up, and then we call it a cow!"
A man showed a compass to Nasrudin and asked him what it was. Nasrudin immediately began laughing. But just seconds later, he began crying.
The man noticed his bizarre behavior, and asked, "What was that? Why did you start laughing few seconds ago, and then all of a sudden start crying?"
"At first," Nasrudin responded, ""I laughed at you because you didn't know what that object was; but then I realized that I didn't know what it was either, so I cried."
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The village mayor was very superstitious. One day, he was on a hunt and caught a glimpse of Nasrudin. He immediately shouted to his men, "Mullas are bad luck on a Tuesday. Tackle him and throw him out of here!"
They followed his request, and ended up having a successful hunt. The next day, the Mayor saw Nasrudin and said, "Sorry about yesterday. It's just that I thought you were bad luck."
"I'm bad luck!" Nasrudin replied. "You saw me yesterday, and ended up having a great hunt. I saw you, and ended up getting an ass-kicking!"
One day, Nasrudin entered a village and viciously declared, "My bag is lost--and if you people don't find it, you'll find out what happened the last time my bag got lost!"
The villagers, quite terrified, frantically began searching for the bag. Minutes later, a man found it and and presented it to Nasrudin.
Out of curiosity, one of the searchers asked Nasrudin, "I was just wondering, what would you have done if we didn't find the bag?"
Nasrudin responded, "I would have bought a new bag!"
Nasrudin brought a small container to the milkman and said, "Give me one liter of cow's milk."
The milkman looked at Nasrudin's container and said, "A liter of cow's milk won't fit into your container."
"OK--give me one liter of goat's milk."
Nasrudin told his son to go get some water from the well. Before the son left, he slapped him and shouted, "And make sure you don't break the jug!"
The boy began crying, and a bystander noticed this and said, "Why did you hit him? He hasn't done anything wrong."
"Well," Nasrudin replied, "better to hit him now than to hit him afterwards if he does end up breaking it. That would be too late."
A visiting Emperor was in Restaurateur Nasrudin's town, and ate a meal of sheep meat in his restaurant. When the Emperor finished the meal, he asked Nasrudin how much to pay.
"Fifty dollars," Nasrudin confidently responded.
Surprised to hear such a high figure, the Emperor said, "Wow, that is very expensive. Are sheep rare in this part of town?"
"No, not really," Nasrudin replied. "What's really rare around here is visits of Emperors!"
Nasrudin and a friend went to a restaurant to share a meal, but couldn't decide on whether to order fish or goat. After much argument, the friend won the debate-they agreed to order fish, and informed the waiter of their choice.
Just moments later, the friend noticed a man outside stealing his donkey, and ran out to try and catch him. Nasrudin immediately got up with a very concerned look on his face. Another man saw this, and asked him, "Are you going to go file a theft report?"
"No!" Nasrudin shouted back, "I am going to see if I can change our order before it is too late!"
Nasrudin was seated near a grave at the cemetery, grieving and lamenting, "Oh, why, why did he have to leave me so soon!"
A man noticed Nasrudin crying and wanted to comfort him. He said, "Is this your son's grave that you are crying over?"
Nasrudin replied, "No; this is the grave of my wife's first husband. He is the one who died, and left me the woman who has made my life so miserable!"
A man was caught in a river current and hanging on to some rocks in order to avoid being carried away.
Nasrudin and a friend noticed him, and the friend went up to him, extended his arm, and said, "Give me your hand so I can help you out."
The man, however, did not cooperate.
Nasrudin then asked the man what he did for a living.
"I collect taxes," the other replied.
"Then take my hand," Nasrudin said, upon which the man finally cooperated.
Nasrudin then turned to his friend and remarked, "Tax collectors speak the language of take, not the language of give."
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Nasrudin: "Doctor, I can't seem to remember things."
Doctor: "When did that begin?"
Nasrudin: "When did what begin?"
Doctor: Is your memory getting any better?"
Nasrudin: Yes-now I can usually manage to remember that I have forgotten something!"
As Nasrudin entered a foreign town, a border guard stopped him and said, "You must have some way of identifying yourself before we can let you in."
Nasrudin took out a pocket mirror, looked into it, and remarked, "Yes-that is Nasrudin."
Nasrudin was working for Nike, but did not show up to his job for a week.
When he came back, his boss asked him, "Where were you during the last week?"
Nasrudin replied, "Oh, I was just doing as I was instructed."
"What?" the boss replied.
"Well," Nasrudin explained, "I was going to ask you for a vacation last week, but then I remembered that our company motto was Just Do It."
"So?" the boss remarked.
"So I just did it."
A new ruler just conquered Nasrudin's town. He saw Nasrudin and asked him, "Hey Mulla, come here and help me with something. I am trying to think up an honorary title for myself. I want it to have the word God in it, just like other conquerors such as 'From-God,' 'God's Warrior,' 'God's Soul,' and 'One-With-God.' Do you have any suggestions for me?"
"How about 'God-Forbid,'" Nasrudin replied.
A group of soldiers were at the village square bragging about their accomplishments in a recent battle.
"We obliterated them," said one of the men. "We were invincible. I myself killed about a dozen of their best men."
"And I," added another, "caught an arrow that was headed towards me, threw it back at the shooter, and nailed him right in the heart!"
A third man chimed in, "I We are surely the greatest warriors this town has ever known!"
As they bragged and the villagers oowed and awed, Nasrudin stood up and proclaimed, "Well, back in my day, when I was in battle, I once took my sword and chopped off my enemy's arm!"
One of the warriors said, "If I were you, I would have cut off his head instead!"
Nasrudin replied, "Yes, I agree, but it would not have been possible at that time."
"Why not?" the warrior asked.
"Because someone had already chopped off his head before me!" Nasrudin replied.
Nasrudin went into a bathhouse dressed in worn out clothing.
The bath attendant, taking him to be poor, didn't give him much care, only throwing him a towel. When Nasrudin was done bathing, however, he gave the attendant a big tip.
The next week, Nasrudin came to the bathhouse again-and this time, the attendant gave him the royal treatment, hoping for yet another jackpot tip.
This time, however, Nasrudin flung a mere dime his way, and gave him a nasty look to boot.
As the attendant stood there with a disappointed look on his face, Nasrudin turned and said to him, "This tip is for the services you gave me last week; the tip I gave you last week was for today's services."
One day, Nasrudin was walking down the street to work, when out of nowhere, a man came up to him and slapped him right in the face!
A surprised Nasrudin looked at the man.
The man looked back and, quickly realizing that he had mistakenly slapped the wrong man, turned red with embarrassment and immediately offered an apology.
Nasrudin, however, took the man to court.
After explaining his case to the Judge, the Judge made his ruling:
"I hereby order the plaintiff to slap the defendant in the face."
Nasrudin, however, did not accept; and the Judge, about to lose his patience with Nasrudin, changed the verdict:
"I hereby order the defendant to pay the plaintiff twenty dollars."
Nasrudin accepted, but the man said that he had to go home to get the money and bring it back.
Half an hour later, however, the man had yet to return; and Nasrudin couldn't wait any longer.
He went up to the Judge, slapped him in the face, and said, "I am running late and must go, so please accept the twenty dollars on my behalf."
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Nasrudin had moved to a new town and was badly in need of money. Ge agreed to pick peaches off of a local man's orchard for fifty dollars a day.
However, after he completed a full day's work and went to collect his pay, the orchard owner told him he didn't have any money.
"But listen," he added. "Come back here tomorrow afternoon, and I'll let you eat as many peaches as you want."
Nasrudin, quite disappointed, reluctantly agreed; and the very next day, he arrived at the orchard precisely at noon.
Seconds later, he climbed a ladder to the top of a tree, grabbed a peach, and began eating it rapidly.
The orchard owner, quite puzzled by Nasrudin's behavior, couldn't help but ask him about it.
"Mulla, he said, "Why in the world did you choose to eat from the top of that tree? Wouldn't it be easier to just each the peaches on branches closer to the ground?"
"That will not do," Nasrudin replied.
"And why not," the man curiously asked.
"Well," replied Nasrudin, "haven't you ever heard the saying, 'If you are sweeping stairs, start from the top.'"
"What does that have to do with this?" the man asked.
"Simple," said Nasrudin. "Unless I am systematic and start from the top of each tree, how else will I be able to eat every peach in this orchard by the day's end?"
Nasrudin's friend was continuously worried and distressed over everything.
One day he went up to Nasrudin and said, "What should I do if I get up early in the morning, and it is so dark that I bump into something and injure myself?"
Nasrudin replied, "Get up later in the morning."
One night, Nasrudin's wife woke Nasrudin up and said, "Husband, there are burglars in the house."
"Are you certain?" Nasrudin replied.
"Yes," she replied. "They left bundles of other people's stolen possessions outside our door, and they are in our house right now taking our stuff."
"OK, I will handle this," Nasrudin said, as he got out of bed and began climbing out the window.
"Are you going to go contact the police?" his wife asked.
"No" Nasrudin said. "While the robbers are in our house stealing our junk, I am going to steal the bundles they left outside."
Nasrudin and a few of his buddies went to one of their friend's homes one night for a dinner of chicken and rice.
As they ate, the friend, wanting to play a little joke at Nasrudin's expense, snuck the chicken bones from his meal into Nasrudin's plate. Then, when everyone finished eating, he remarked, "Nasrudin, you're a real pig! Look at all the bones in your plate-you must have eaten enough for two people!"
"If I am an overeater," Nasrudin quickly responded, "then what about you? Not only have you been eating like a starved man this entire time, you've apparently eaten every bone in your plate as well!"
Friend: "Nasrudin, which is wiser: camel or man?"
Nasrudin: "Camel."
"Because a camel carries loads but does not ask for more, whereas man, even if he is overwhelmed by responsibility, often chooses to add more."
One day, a barber was trimming the mayor's beard at the village palace.
After he finished up, he remarked, "Your beard is starting to turn gray."
The mayor, enraged to hear this, ordered that the barber be put in jail for one year.
He then turned to a court attendant and asked, "Do you see any gray in my beard?"
"Almost none at all," the man replied.
"What do you mean 'almost'!" the mayor yelled. "Guards, take this man to jail-and keep him there for two years!"
He then turned to another attendant and asked the same question.
"Sir, your beard is exquisite, and is completely black," the man replied.
"You liar!" the mayor shouted. "Guards-give this man ten lashes on the back, and put him in jail for three years."
Finally, he turned to Nasrudin and said, "Mulla, what color is my beard?"
"You Excellency," Nasrudin replied, "I am color blind, and cannot answer that question."
Nasrudin owed his cousin money, but avoided him for weeks. Finally, their paths crossed one day.
"I know you've been avoiding me," said the cousin, "but alas-we have finally run into each other. So how about the two hundred dollars you owe me?
Nasrudin, knowing his cousin to be extraordinarily lazy, replied, "Sure, just follow me back to my house two kilometers that way, and then I'll be happy to give it to you."
"Well," the cousin replied-"actually, I have to get going. Just leave me alone."
One day, as Nasrudin rode his donkey, he spotted a ripe peach hanging over the wall of someone's orchard.
He then positioned his donkey underneath it, stood up and grabbed a branch, and reached for the peach with his other hand.
As he did this, however, a noise startled his donkey and caused it to run off, leaving Nasrudin hanging from the tree.
Seconds later, the orchard spotted Nasrudin and yelled, "Thief!"
"What are you talking about? replied Nasrudin. "I am not stealing anything. Can't you tell by the way I'm hanging here that I have simply fallen off of my donkey?"
Nasrudin took his tools to a repair shop one day. When he went to pick them up the following day, the repairman said, "Unfortunately, they were stolen."
The next day he told his friend about this, and the friend said, "I bet the repairman stole your tools. Go back there and demand that he return them."
"I cannot do that," Nasrudin said. "I am avoiding him."
"Why?" the friend asked.
"Because I still owe him money for my tool repairs," replied Nasrudin.
One day, the King called over Nasrudin and said to him, "Mulla, you claim to have mystical powers. Use your powers to catch fish for the starving people in our town."
"Your Highness," replied Nasrudin, "you've got me confused. I said I have powers. I never said I was a fisherman."
Nasrudin was in a rush one day, and quickly went to the Mosque for an evening prayer session. The religious leader saw his rushed prayer, and angrily said to him, "This is not right-you offering such hurried prayers. Start over again."
So Nasrudin complied, and when he finished, the religious leader said, "Now, don't you think that God appreciated this second round of prayers more than the hurried ones you did."
"Not really," Nasrudin replied. "Although the first ones were hurried, they were done for God. But the ones that you made me do were done for you."
One morning, Nasrudin's wife said, "Husband, hurry up and get dressed. We are running late for the mayor's funeral."
"Why should I hurry to get to his funeral?" replied Nasrudin. "After all, he is definitely not going to go to the trouble of attending mine."
The town's new conqueror said to Nasrudin one day, "Hey Mulla, I have a challenge for you. Offend me in a way that your explanation will be a thousand times worse than the original offense."
The next day, Nasrudin came to the palace and kissed the conqueror right on the lips.
"What was that!" exclaimed the conqueror with great surprise.
"Oh," Nasrudin replied, "excuse me. I got you confused with your wife."
Three months after Nasrudin married his new wife, she gave birth to a baby girl.
"Now, I'm no expert or anything," said Nasrudin, "and please don't take this the wrong way-but tell me this: Doesn't it take nine months for a woman to go from child conception to childbirth?"
"You men are all alike," she replied, "so ignorant of womanly matters. Tell me something: how long have I been married to you?"
"Three months," replied Nasrudin.
"And how long have you been married to me?" she asked.
"Three months," replied Nasrudin.
"And how long have I been pregnant?" she inquired.
"Three months," replied Nasrudin.
"So," she explained, "three plus three plus three equals nine. Are you satisfied now?"
"Yes," replied Nasrudin, "please forgive me for bringing up the matter."
After tripping on a rock while walking, Nasrudin angrily yelled out, "Son of a bitch!"
Unfortunately, a man who happened to be standing nearby thought the comment was directed towards him, and was so offended that he took Nasrudin to court, much to Nasrudin's annoyance.
When the judge heard the case, he ruled that Nasrudin should pay the man five dollars.
Nasrudin then handed the judge a ten dollar bill, and as the judge searched for change, Nasrudin asked, "So I take it the fine for cursing at someone is five dollars, right?"
"OK then-keep the change you son of a bitch."
Nasrudin was at the local mill along with many others. As they waited for their turn, Nasrudin scooped wheat from other people's sacks into his own.
The miller noticed this and confronted Nasrudin.
"What are you doing?" he said.
"Don't mind me," replied Nasrudin, "I am just a half-wit. I do whatever comes to my head."
"Well then," the miller replied, "Then why hasn't it come to you head to put your wheat into other people sacks."
"Hey, I said I was a half-wit," replied Nasrudin. "I never said I was a complete idiot."
Nasrudin and some friends were at the town square. The friends, looking for any subject to discuss, began debating over the sex of the dove that brought the olive twig to Noah's Ark.
After listening to the debate, Nasrudin spoke up and said, "This is actually a very easy question to answer. The dove was male-I am sure about it."
"How can you be so sure?" the friends asked.
"Because," explained Nasrudin, "no female would be able to keep her mouth shut for such a long length of time!"
Nasrudin was about to board a train, and the conductor asked him for his ticket.
Nasrudin began looking through his pants pockets, but he couldn't find it.
"One moment," he said. "I know I brought it."
He searched his bag, and still couldn't find it. He then searched the floor around him, and the missing ticket still eluded him. He even began looking in his socks, but alas, the money was not found.
As the conductor watched this, he asked, "Why don't you check that pocket on your shirt? That's usually where most people put their ticket."
"Oh, I can't look there," Nasrudin replied.
"Why not?" the conductor asked.
Nasrudin explained, "Because if I do and I find out it is not there, then I would have no hope at all of finding it!"
Nasrudin was building an oven in his yard. When he finished, he showed it to the neighbors.
"The oven is good," said one of them, "however, it faces North. When it gets windy in the winter, the wind will blow out the fire."
Nasrudin then rebuilt the oven, this time making it face south. When he showed it to his friends, however, one of them said, "It's strong and solid-but it faces south. When wind blows from a certain direction, you won't be able to cook properly."
So Nasrudin rebuilt the oven facing east, and invited his friends back. They examined it, and one said, "Surely you must realize that during certain times of the year, wind will blow the smoke right towards your house!"
Frustrated, Nasrudin decided to build the oven again, but this time put wheels underneath it.
He invited his neighbors over and proudly showed it to them. They looked it over and seemed to approve. Then one of them said, "Nasrudin, congratulations on your new oven."
"Thank you," replied Nasrudin.
Then his friend said, "Might I ask you a favor and borrow that oven tonight. I just would like to use it to make a fine meal for my acquaintance that is coming over. I will return it to you tomorrow."
Nasrudin agreed, and the friend wheeled off the oven. That day, Nasrudin bought lots of meat preparing for a barbecue of his own.
His friend brought back the barbecue the next morning, and Nasrudin went off to work.
When he got, however, his wife told him, "That stupid idea of your-that
"What do you mean?" Nasrudin said.
She replied, "First your friend borrowed it, and we could not use it. And today, while I was buying the meat for our barbecue, some thieves came here and stole it from our yard!"
Mayor: "Nasrudin. You are known to be a liar and exaggerator. Tell me a lie without thinking, and I will reward you with fifty dollars."
Nasrudin: "Fifty dollars? You just promised me a hundred dollars!"
As Nasrudin and a friend walked, it suddenly began raining hard.
The friend noticed that Nasrudin was carrying an umbrella, and said, "Open your umbrella to prevent us from getting soaked."
"No," said Nasrudin, "that won't do us much good. This umbrella is full of holes."
"So then why did you bring it?" the friend curiously asked.
"Well," explained Nasrudin, "I didn't really think it would rain today."
"Nasrudin," said the mayor, "Mrs. Shahrzad Rahman's husband died today. Go tell her, but try to break the news gently. She is a very frail lady."
Nasrudin went to her house and knocked on the door.
A frail lady answered.
"Does Miss Shahrzad the widow live here?" asked Nasrudin.
"My name is Shahrzad and I do live here," the lady replied. "But I am not a widow."
"Well," Nasrudin replied, "I'm willing to bet a hundred dollars that you are!"
Nasrudin talking to a cobbler who told the following riddle: "There is a person who is my father's son, but he is not my brother. Who is he?"
After a while, Nasrudin said, "I don't know. Who?"
"Me," the cobbler replied.
Greatly amused, Nasrudin went to a group of people the next day and told them the riddle.
He said to them, "There is a person who is my father's son, but he is not my brother. Who is he?"
After thinking for a while, they said, "Who?"
Nasrudin replied, "Believe it or not, he is the cobbler that works on Kalak Drive."
Nasrudin had a cousin who went to live far away, and left some of his possessions with Nasrudin.
One day, the cousin's cat died, and Nasrudin sent him a message that bluntly said: "Your cat is dead."
The cousin, very upset, sent a message back that said, "Where I live, we give people bad news more tactfully. Instead of just telling me flat out that my cat was dead, you should have let me know me little by little. You should have started off by saying, first told me, 'Your cat is acting strange,' then later said, 'your cat is jumping all over the place,' then still later told me, 'Your cat is missing,' and then finally broken the news and said, 'Your cat is dead.'
A month later, Nasrudin's cousin received a new letter from Nasrudin, which said: "Your mother is acting strange."
Nasrudin was very old and lying on his bed, about to die at any moment. He said to his wife, "Why are you dressed in black and looking so sorrowful? Go put on your finest clothes, fix up your hair, and smile!"
"Nasrudin," she tearfully responded, "how can you ask me to do such a thing? You are ill, and I am dressed like this out of respect for you."
"Yes," Nasrudin said, "and that's why I made my request. The Angel of Death will be here soon, and if he sees you all dressed up and beautiful, maybe he'll leave me and take you instead."
And after giving a little laugh, Nasrudin died.
More Folktales
A Collection of Wisdom


text:
person is a book of himself - a sort of "library"
which the
life and acts are written
and the trials which each has passed through in the progression of life's journey.
~ Phineas Parkhurst Quimby
| §
Phineas Parkhurst Quimby
The Book of ManSept. 25, 1862
Every person is a book of himself - a sort of library in which the life and acts are written and the trials which each has passed through in the progression of life's journey. The child is like a primer, full of stories, and his happiness and misery are in the amusement of his stories. As the child grows, his stories increase, and the fears and effect of what follows his belief is realized. His life, therefore, becomes a book, like the history of what he has passed through. At last he is caught by his own reasoning and confined in his own belief. Now his life becomes the history of some criminal, confined in prison or banished to some desolate place, there to live a life of misery - or to fly into the mountains, there to dwell in caves and dens. Some are confined in cells, without the privilege of conversing with anyone but the keeper of the prison, who is a tyrant. Others are bound out to slavery and kicked about by every person.
I might go for hours, enumerating the various histories, but I will stop and commence to show how the child is first deceived by its parents. The first entry on the first page is all hypocrisy, flattery and deception. The infant mind is like a blank to be scribbled on by everyone. So in the little infant mind (or introduction to the journey of life), on the first few pages will be found, written by the friends and relations, these words. "Oh, what a darling little child! How much it looks like its father. It is the very picture of him. I should know it was a 'P,' if I had seen him in China."
This hypocrisy and flattery affect the mother, and her child nurses the vanity from her, till another page is written by some others that runs after this style, "How handsome the little thing grows. It is so altered since I first saw it. I should not have known it. It is two months since I saw it - and if I should die, I can't see one particle of resemblance to it when I first saw it. Let me take it. You pretty little darling. Here is its father's mouth, exactly - and only see it laugh. Does it not have the same look of its father? Oh, you little rogue; you are a perfect chip off the old block. I see it begins to take notice of what you say."
The mother says, "Oh, yes, it knows when I talk to it."
"Well, I think I never saw a child so forward. When Prof. Fowler comes this way, you must have his head examined; for he will tell you just what this child is best adapted for. He sees all through futurity - so do not miss having his head examined. So goodbye."
(Mrs. A) Why did you flatter Mrs. 'B' so?
(Mrs. C) Why, don't you know that all women like to have their children praised? It is of no consequence what you say.
(Mrs. A) I do not agree with you; the impressions you make on the parent are generally imprinted on the child, and if it is a false one, it grows just as fast as a true one. Here is where the error begins. Well, never mind, it is all over now."
So time runs on. The child begins to listen to the stories of its mother, and in the course of one or two years, Mrs. 'C' makes a visit with the parents. At this time, the little fellow can talk, and he has grown out of the remembrance of Mrs. 'C,' so when she enters, she does not know the child from others playing about.

subset: commoncrawl


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The IK4 Alliance was formed in 2005 in line with a federal model, whereby its members share strategies and combine capacities without giving up their sovereignty. Through a shared strategy, the sum of the capacities of the nine centres provides the alliance with the flexibility it needs to adapt to the characteristics of any company. In other words, this strategy qualifies it technologically to provide a global response to the needs of large companies, while simultaneously fostering its capacity to maintain a close and committed relationship with SMEs. Today, IK4 is a benchmark on the European scene and is among the continent's main private, scientific and technological corporations. Attention should be drawn to IK4's leading role in the European Union's 7th Framework Programme, in which it has participated in over 200 research projects and led 63 of them. IK4 is in an ideal position to establish long-term relations as a strategic ally of companies in the matter of innovation. This makes IK4 a benchmark in participation in research projects promoted by the public administrations. It comprises 9 organisations in the Basque Country (click on each institution for more information):
IK4 Research Alliance
Polígono Azitain , 3K 2ºG 20600 EIBAR (Gipuzkoa) Spain


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Exercise and the heart
Can the effects of intense exercise on the heart be dangerous?
Skeletal muscles grow if they are worked hard, and so does the heart muscle. Increased cardiac efficiency goes with getting fit – but can an enlarged heart be dangerous?
Athletic heart syndrome
The left ventricle is the main pumping chamber of the heart, and athletes who train hard for hours every day tend to have more powerful left ventricles, with more muscle, thicker walls and a larger blood-pumping chamber. This goes along with a slower resting heart rate, as each beat moves more blood.
These changes are referred to as 'athletic heart syndrome' (AHS) and are normally harmless.
Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy
However, AHS looks similar on several standard heart tests to an inherited enlargement and stiffening of the heart wall called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. This condition makes it harder to pump blood out of the heart and around the body, which can lead to light-headedness, fainting, an irregular heartbeat and even sudden cardiac arrest, where the heart suddenly stops beating without warning.
Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy is a genetic condition, with approximately 1 in 500 people affected by the disease in the UK. Some people may not have many symptoms, if any, but early diagnosis is vital to avoid the risk of sudden cardiac arrest.
A problem for athletes
Sadly, a small number of athletes have died during sports events because, while they appeared to be fit and healthy, they unknowingly had inherited cardiomyopathy, and suffered sudden cardiac arrest while exercising. The problem is that because the condition is characterised by an enlarged, thickened wall in the left ventricle – similar to AHS – among athletes it can easily go undiagnosed.
So, while AHS isn't a life-threatening condition, it can be dangerous, as it can disguise a very dangerous disease. Athletes with enlarged hearts may find their doctors want to examine them very closely because of the similarities between a trained and malformed heart.


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Oak Lodge Futures, the business plan commissioned by CRVHS, was prepared by Martin Farley and Tony Roberts of creating Preferred Futures and financed with a grant from Premier Lara Giddings.
The analysis draws on research into Oak Lodge, CRVHS, the Richmond community, the National Trust and other heritage and tourism industry stakeholders. Acknowledging there is a strong preference to keep Oak Lodge in community ownership, the plan recommends Oak Lodge plays a broader role in Richmond tourism to offer a comparative heritage narrative, interpretation and heritage visitor experience.
While a number of purchase options have been considered, an alternate strategic option is to develop an "Oak Lodge model" that retains the building in National Trust ownership while allowing the Richmond and Coal River Valley community to securely operate it for the benefit of the community. A management committee established from within the community would supervise the operation and financial affairs of the property.
If you know of anyone who would like to volunteer for the new management committee please contact Lois 6260 4153 or Michael 6260 2950. Many people at the public meeting in January 2013 were very definite that the house should not be sold. Now is the opportunity to help keep the house as a community asset.


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Haiku: Bears Have the Right Idea for Emma
And this should be the last of the Holiday Haikus. Emma asked for "bear(s)" so I hope that this works for her. Happy holidays to all and sundry!
Bears Have The Right Idea
Some large predators
hibernate during winter
to avoid the mall
Posted on 18th December 2011
Under: Photo, Poetry | 1 Comment »


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Monthly Archives: March 2014
Mpho Cele
This body of work acts as a simile which expresses the sociological and socio-economic structures of the lower class communities. Hence I have painted these waste materials in a landscape composition or rather as landscapes, to juxtapose the peoples living conditions with rubbish. The Waste material is symbolic to how fragile, unstable and unhygienic these living conditions are to the lower class. My works also aims at emphasizing the notion of using something and then throw it away after using it, as this is a trend amongst our political leaders who use people to vote for them and afterwards forget about them. These works also aim to illustrate the absence of change in lower class societies and the abandonment of the lower class people.
2012 North – South, Jo' Burg Student Exhibition Fringe NSA
Curated by Gordon Froud
2013 North- South, Jo'Burg Student Exhibition Fringe curated by Gordon Froud
2013 Mashumi Art Projects –
Group Exhibition @ Next door restaurant on Vilakazi str Orlando West.
Awards and experiences
2008 Worked at Ackerman's @ The Glen as casual
2009 Certificate from Youth Empowerment Network
Directed by David Liknaitzky and Pinkie Barmet
2012 -Tried out for the Thami Mnyele Ekurhuleni art awards.
2012 – Painted a Portrait for Exxaro portrait project (Chenette Swanepoel)
2012 Painted a Mural at the Joburg Zoo Kids Educational centre(3rd year studends)
Andrew Ntshabele
Andrew was born in the small rural town of Moruleng in the North West province of South Africa. In his formative years his family moved to the city of Johannesburg amongst the hustle and bustle of the urban life, where he currently resides.
His passion and love for the visual arts was identified by his teachers through nursery school right up to High school. This led him to enrol at the University of Johannesburg, which enhanced his knowledge in the world of visual arts and enriching his opportunities. His education at art school has Moulded Andrew into a well-rounded visual artist and youth.
He completed his National diploma in Fine Arts in 2012 in painting and drawing, and in 2013 he completed his BTech degree majoring in painting. He has participated in a group exhibitions such as the University of Johannesburg student show case group exhibition, North-South central Fringe of Johannesburg group exhibition, North South student show case traveling group exhibition to name a few. His most notable achievement is getting a painting merit award at the Ekurunuleni 2012 Thami Mnyele Fine Arts Awards ,Curated group Exhibition.
• Ekurunuleni Thami Mnyele Fine Arts Awards ,Curated group Exhibition
• North-South central Fringe of Johannesburg, Curated group Exhibition
• North-South central Fringe of Bloemfontein, Curated group Exhibition
• University of Johannesburg final examinations group exhibition, UJ FADA Gallery
• University of Johannesburg Student Show Case group Exhibition, UJ FADA Gallery
• North-South Student Show Case traveling group Exhibition, UJ FADA Gallery
• North-South Student Show Case traveling group Exhibition, BODUTU Gallery
• North-South Student Show Case traveling group Exhibition, TUT Gallery
• North-South Student Show Case traveling group Exhibition, CUT Freestate Gallery
• MAP(Mashumi Art Projects) group Exhibition, Nex Dor Resturant Vilakazi street Orlando
– Soweto West
• University of Johannesburg Final Examinations BTech group Exhibition, UJ FADA Gallery
Artist Statement
My work focuses on urbanisation in Johannesburg. My interest in the city of Johannesburg developed out of the fact that it is the city that I have grown up in since the age of four. I have had the pleasure of witnessing South Africa's first democratic votes in 1994, and seeing Johannesburg's transformation from the early nineties, mid-nineties to the present. I still live in Johannesburg and am confronted by poverty, pollution, and urban decay every day of my life. I have seen the effects that
urbanisation has had on the city of Johannesburg in relation to its physical change, socio-economic and political change post-apartheid. My areas of interest are the people who live in the inner city and the environment within the inner city.
My work deals with the negative effects of rapid urbanisation in Johannesburg and the pressures and the strains of the people I encounter and interact with on a daily basis as we go about our business. Based on my encounters with these people I felt the need to investigate the social predicament of my city and understand the root causes of the current inner city decay.
My work is a form of social commentary and deals with the socio-economic challenges that the majority of black South Africans face in post-colonial South Africa. My focal subject matter is rapid urbanisation in the inner city of Johannesburg and the pollution and rubbish among which the inner city residents live. My paintings incorporate more than one medium as they are a fusion of collage and acrylic paint. My works are produced from actual photographs that I take on my daily travels around the inner city of Johannesburg and its outskirts.
Loyiso Mkize's comic book makes it's debut.
Ever wonder what a local comic book superhero would look like? What sort of mischief he'd get upto after discovering his new talents… The villains, sidekicks and not forgetting the damsels who's acquaintance he makes along the way to becoming a well known hero. Oh, what awesome super powers he'll have? …well don't look any further!
Kwezi's just landed and he means business.
Loyiso Mkize, a Cape Town based artist and co illustrator of the hip SUPA STRIKAS comic book and animation series on DSTV'S Disney Channel, launches his independent project under the 'LOYISOMKIZEART' flagship. At a previous design share party, Loyiso described KWEZI as the manifestation of a life long dream to create a simple enough character to identify with every African on the continent.
"Set on a contemporary South African backdrop, Kwezi a 19 year old boy that discovers he has superpowers, and so the journey towards his purpose begins…" An exciting intro into our own new local comic book superhero.
Loyiso Mkize was born in 1987 in Butterworth in the Eastern Cape but studied in Cape Town where he completed a Diploma in Graphic Design at CPUT. Loyiso exhibited his body of work from "REFLECTIONS ETERNAL" at the Bombay Sapphire Imagination Room in Rockville, Soweto last November, a show curated by Mashumi Art Projects and more recently at a New York showcase with several other talented South African artists.
Tonight his first independent comic book officially launches online. The first issue will be downloadable for free. Stay tuned for more updates. The link will be available on the Mashumi Art Projects facebook page in a few hours. https://www.facebook.com/MashumiArtProjects
Article written by Roli Mhlanga


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What Are The Chances?
Funny story….
Yesterday I was going to be meeting some friends from college at a bar in the Bolingbrook Promenade. I reached out to invite my friends Pat and Lisa. They apparently couldn't make it.
Last night when I returned home I received an email from Facebook that read 'Lisa mentioned you in a comment. Lisa wrote: "Hey, Ed Novick – Were you there to see Stephanie Scott, too?! ;o)"
I followed the link in the email to the following photo:
I recognized the scene in the photo as being from the Bolingbrook Promenade earlier in the evening. There had been a large crowd and line to see, meet and get the autograph of Disney channel actress Stefanie Scott from the Disney channel show Ant Farm. We took notice, but just passed by the crowd to get to a restaurant we were heading to. Frankly, I didn't recognize the girl signing the photos from anything I had seen on Disney channel.
Upon closer inspection of the photo, sure enough, the photo was taken at the exact moment as I was passing by and I appear in the photo just above actress Stefanie Scott who was signing an autograph.
I was just walking by. I wasn't there for the event. I only noticed it curiously as I was passing by quickly to get to a restaurant.
The odds of me passing at the exact moment this photo was being taken are a million to one.
But the odds of me passing as this photo was being taken AND Lisa finding the photo that had been posted as a publicity shot on Facebook by the Bolingbrook Promenade and her noticing me and pointing it out to me in a Facebook comment was simply … priceless.
And too funny.
Thanks, Lisa!
If you're on Facebook, you can follow this link to the original photo and comments: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151786663490295&set=a.10151786659955295.1073741845.145800460294&type=1&theater


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Cyclops Project Area
Pacific Rim Cobalt's Cyclops project area is located close to the provincial capital of Jayapura in a region situated along the south and west slopes of the Cyclops Mountain Range. This prominent physiographic feature in the Cyclops-Sentani area is 40 Km long and 10-15 Km wide and extends from Cape Tanah Merah on the west to Humboldt Bay on the east. On the south and south-west, the slopes are equally steep, but gravels and coarse sediments have accumulated along the toe giving that part of the profile a more gentle contour.
These outwash fans extend southward into an irregular shaped basin occupied by the 25 Km long Lake Sentani, the surface of which is at an elevation of 70 meters. To the south of the lake are numerous smooth, rounded and grassy hills with elevations of 200 to 250 meters. The south slopes of Cyclops have remnants of wave cut cliffs and terraces, from 10 to 50 meters above the present lake surface, indicating former and higher lake levels. The Sentani airport is situated on a part of the former lake bed.
The Cyclops Range itself is blanketed with a heavy forest cover down to sea level on the north slopes and almost down to the level of Lake Sentani on the south. All of the Tanah Merah and a part of the Cyclops laterite areas are covered with only a light growth of bush and grass. Drainage from the south slopes of Cyclops flows into Lake Sentani and thence to the ocean at Humboldt Bay through the Jafoeri River drainage system. Drainage in the Tablasufa areas is intermittent and passes directly into the sea.
— Geo/. Soc. Malaysia, Bulletin 6, July I 97 3; pp. 309-323
Laterite Formations
Laterites are a type of soil, rich (in this case) with cobalt-bearing nickel ore that formed through prolonged chemical and mechanical weathering in wet, warm, tropical environments. Indonesia contains 12% of the world's Ni-Co laterite formations. Grades of cobalt in laterite deposits vary widely in the range 0.1 – 1.5% Co.
Cobalt currently mined economically in 4 different geological settings
- Cobalt is dispersed in silicates and sulphides within the host rock and is remobilized and deposited in weathered layers mainly as hydroxides and oxides near the surface and as silicates at deeper levels
- Nickeliferous mineral garnierite is formed at deeper levels
- Grades of cobalt in laterite deposits vary widely in the range 0.1 – 1.5% Co
- Laterites are mined for nickel with cobalt as a by-product
Processing Options
Smelting (FeNi and Matte)
- Well proven low risk technology
- Strong energy dependence
- Proven but high risk technology
- High capital exposure
- 85-90% Cobalt recovery
Ni Pig Iron
- Well proven low risk technology
- Low capex costs but high operating costs
- Production will be Ni price dependent
- Environmental concerns
- Trend to higher quality product reduces unit cost
Atmospheric Leach
- Acid-key capital and operating cost driver
- Capex & Opex – lower than HPAL
Heap Leach
- Ore type critical for heap permeability
- Capex & Opex – lower than HPAL
Emerging Technologies
- Direct Nickel
- Direct reduction nickel (DRN)


text:
by Bob Cesca
For several months now, I've been repeating a mantra that I picked up from the old "Don & Mike" radio show where I worked as an intern and production assistant way back in the early 1990s. "Don't get happy" is intended as a warning against becoming complacent in the face of success. It functions nicely in both radio and real life, and, not least of all, the current election.
It's not just a random maxim, nor have I carelessly shoehorned it into my narrative about the election. Democrats need reminding. They need a kick in the ass or else they stay home. Typically, Democrats need to be reminded that getting happy and believing that their candidate will easily win is a recipe for disaster.
How do I know this for sure? We need only rewind to the Michigan primary earlier in the year when Bernie Sanders defied the polls and won the state's delegates. Hillary was favored to win the state, of course, but, more importantly, leading up to the big day there was much discussion on the left about how she held an insurmountable lead overall. Consequently, more than a few Democrats either stayed home or they voted in the Republican primary in order to flummox Donald Trump in his fight against Ted Cruz. I mean, she was poised to walk away with the primary anyway, so why not?
Likewise, it's quite possible — indeed, almost certain — that if Hillary holds a greater than, say, a five point lead nationally going into November 8, Democratic turnout will be lower than if the national polls showed a tight or tied contest. In fact, even if it's really close, Dem turnout could be lower simply because the conventional wisdom online and off is that she's going to win in a blowout.
Michael McDonald, a political scientist at University of Florida told Reuters,"Turnout is correlated with levels of competition — the higher the competition, the higher the turnout."
As of right now, the competition is heavily lopsided in Hillary's favor — with several caveats, which we'll discuss in a second. Again, the bigger her lead is, the fewer Dems will turn out. As of this writing, Nate Silver's "Now-cast" puts Hillary's chances of winning at 85.3 percent, just a few points lower than her high water mark in early August. According to Silver's model, if the election were held today, she'd walk away with 331 electoral votes, which is pretty damn close to a landslide, nabbing red Arizona along with nearly all of Obama's 2008 states.
But don't get happy.
Here's why.
The polls also show Hillary winning only by a scant three points in Florida; she's up by less than three points in North Carolina; she's up by a narrow one point in Ohio; she's up by just over three points in Nevada; and, unfortunately, Iowa has slipped back into Trump's nub-like hands. Dammit. The really bad news is that Trump is gaining in many of these battleground states — not declining as he ought to be.
That's a big fucking deal. Trump's chances nationally have risen by five points, according to FiveThirtyEight, in just 14 days. While his odds of winning haven't climbed higher than 15 percent since October 5, just before the second debate, he's still improving in spite of the fact that his campaign is in complete disarray. Hilariously so. Let's do the list: he only has two or three regular surrogates, one of them has gone full Cuckoo's Nest (Giuliani); he's wasting time in Washington, DC this week, a massive Democratic hub, for the opening of his stupid hotel; more women continue to emerge, accusing him of sexual assault; he's way behind on money; and his rallies have devolved into more screeching and whining than ever before.
And yet he's improving. Slightly, but still improving. This tells us that some voters who were leaning Hillary are now leaning Trump. It also tells us that some undecided Republicans are "coming home" to Trump. Again, we return to our friendly neighborhood wizard, Nate Silver:
Democrats have nothing to worry about, right? Nope, we wouldn't say that, either. The race could easily tighten further. And our forecast gives Trump better odds than most other models because it accounts for the possibility of a systemic polling error, a greater risk than people may assume.
I don't know about you, but that paragraph scared the living piss out of me.
In addition, you might recall the quadrennial phenomenon known as the Bradley Effect. There's a possibility that Trump and/or Hillary supporters aren't telling pollsters who they're voting for. It's possible that it'll be a wash, with both sides canceling out the other, but it's also fair to suggest that there are more people who are embarrassed to say they're voting for Trump than Hillary, given the ongoing negative Trump stories in the news. This means there could be more Trump voters than are confessing to it. Then again, there also could be countless unknown Hillary voters who are afraid to admit to pollsters or their pro-Trump spouses that they're going with her.
Anecdotally, I'm also seeing a lot of Democrats online already engaging in schadenfreude and happy-dances even though we're two long weeks out. The best analogy I can come up with to explain what's happening is the phenomenon of "senior slump." High school seniors, with college acceptance letters in hand and with graduation a foregone conclusion, tend to slack off during their final semester. I know I did. It's all napping and partying once college is locked down for twelfth graders. Similarly, Democrats have been observing Trump's slow-motion disintegration and Hillary's record-high polling margins and they're getting happy. They're slumping. And it's not good.
Sure, there are dozens of variables at play here. Early voting appears to be benefiting Hillary, given how voters began casting their ballots while Trump was at his very worst — while the Alicia Machado and Access Hollywood scandals, along with Trump's coked up debate performances ("No puppet! No puppet!"). It's conceivable that Hillary's early votes will compensate for any possibly lagging turnout on Election Day itself.
Nevertheless, we've been surprised many times before. I'm old enough to remember 2004 when exit polls were showing a John Kerry landslide. They turned out to be premature and poorly reported, but they existed anyway. Democrats got happy, turnout was driven down and Bush won. Perhaps it was the exit polls, or perhaps it was just Bush's year. Either way, do the Dems really want to leave such things to chance? They shouldn't. Fact: Republicans always have a better shot at winning whenever turnout is low, hence the reason they keep picking up seats in the midterms — Democrats tend to stay home unless there's a rock star to chase. Shameful.
The upshot is that the election isn't over. Trump is gaining and stranger things have happened in American elections. And, so far, this election has been anything but normal, or predictable.
So for heaven's sake, don't get happy. Vote as if your life depends on it. Because it does.
As a Banter Member, you helped pay for the creation of this article. Thank you!


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WRWA Land Development Program
The Oklahoma City Department of Airports and the Oklahoma City Airport Trust has designated approximately 1,000 acres at Will Rogers World Airport for multi-use, multi-industry, business development. The development area, located on the east side of the airport property, will complement the airport's core business of operating a first class transportation facility.
The program provides developers with large, combinable plats of land that work for a variety of businesses and industries. Located southwest of downtown Oklahoma City, the airport provides direct, easy access to three major Interstates – I35, I40 and I44. The airport encompasses Oklahoma City's Foreign Trade Zone, providing cargo logistics and tariff-related advantages for companies who trade internationally.
The program has designated three primary areas of development.
Few developments in the United States have such desirable access to runways, taxiways and ramps. Corporate aviation, logistics, air cargo and aviation manufacturing will find these locations perfect for airside and landside needs.
For businesses that do not need direct access to the airfield but complement direct aviation businesses, this area provides easy interstate access and multiple combinable plats of land. Perfect for freight forwarding and warehousing operations, aircraft parts manufacturing plants, engine repair or parts depots.
With excellent interstate visibility this area is perfect for office campuses, hotels, and retail outlets.
For more information regarding the opportunities for development at Will Rogers World Airport contact: Pam Newell, Land and Property Administrator at 405-680-3266.


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WCCOCR coating with plasma
Post: #1
|WCCOCR coating with plasma
dear members
we are coated tungsten carbide cobalt chrome with plasma but in the coating we have observed so much of porosity and low hardness (50Rcmax) simultaneously we have coated with hvof also in this process there is no porosity hardness we have not checked i think it will give better hardness.
can any body tell the plasma parameters for wccocr. we are not found the plasma parameter for this coating. please suggest me.
Post: #2
|RE: WCCOCR coating with plasma
Hi srihan_1
We would require more information on equipment, powders and parameters used to be able to help.
"low hardness (50Rcmax)" Sorry, to me this is pretty much meaningless as you should not test a WC/CoCr coating using Rockwell C. If it is converted from another hardness test, again it is not very useful without knowledge of details of original test and conversion formula/tables used.
Regards Gordon
Photography Obsession
Post: #3
|RE: WCCOCR coating with plasma
Powder selection and spray process are important for Wc/Co/Cr applications in order to have a specific surface finish requirements and technological issues as porosity, higher quality coating are generally achieved using HVOF process, some time it's possible to obtain an acceptable quality coating using high energy plasma With Ar/He plasma gas and supersonic nozzle, there is some materials with low Wc and Co/Ni, performed to use with plasma spray with self-fusing proprieties.
Best regards
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Frankfurt Book Fair
To be held from October 11 to 15, this is the world's largest fair for books, based both on the number of publishing companies represented, and the number of visitors. Publishers, agents, academics, service providers, film producers, professional and trade associations converge here.
BookExpo America
Held over four days in late May and/or early June, BEA is the largest book fair in the US. It was held in Washington, DC, as the American Booksellers Association Convention and Trade Show from 1947 until 1971. The 2018 edition will be held in New York on May 30 to June 1.
The New Delhi World Book Fair
First held in 1972 when it hosted 200 exhibitors, it is India's second oldest book fair. Today the annual fair, organised by the National Book Trust, is the third biggest English language book fair in the world and caters to a domestic industry of almost 12,000 publishers working in 18 languages.
(In pic: New Delhi book fair)
The Bologna Children's Book Fair
It is the leading fair for children's books. Since 1963, it is held in March or April in Bologna, Italy. With over 25,000 visitors and 1,200 exhibitors in six halls, it is the place to connect and create all areas of content for children.
International Kolkata Book Fair
It is the world's largest non-trade book fair, Asia's largest and the most attended book fair in the world with over 2.5 million attendees. With 56 stalls of 34 publishers, the first Kolkata Book Fair was organised on March 5, 1976.
The Cairo International Book Fair
The fair is considered the most important event in the Arabic publishing world, drawing nearly 2 million visitors every year. It is also the largest and oldest book fair in the Arab world, held every year in the last week of January in Cairo, Egypt.
(Source: booksmakeadifference.com, ribbonsfish.co.uk)


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As we draw closer to the official Microsoft Windows Phone 8 launch date more and more devices are showing up and HTC will certainly be in the starting lineup. At its media event in New York, HTC has announced two smartphones that will be running on Windows Phone 8 OS, the flagship Windows Phone 8X and a rather mid-range Windows Phone 8S.
The Windows Phone 8X is not going to break any benchmark records and certainly does not have any impressive specifications, but these are apparently quite enough for Microsoft's Windows Phone 8 OS. It features a 4.3-inch 1280x720 (341ppi) touchscreen placed behind Gorilla Glass 2. The HTC Windows Phone 8X is powered by a Qualcomm S4 Plus (MSM8260A) 1.5GHz dual-core CPU, has 1GB of RAM memory, 16GB of storage, has an 8MP rear camera with BSI sensor and f/2.0 lens, 2.1MP front camera with an 88-degree wide lens, NFC chip, 802.11abgn WiFi (2.4 & 5GHz), Bluetooth 2.1, Beats Audio, uses microSIM, and has a 1800mAh battery.
The precise dimensions are set at 132.35x66.2x10.12mm and it weighs 130 grams with battery. The design itself is rather strange or should we say too close to what we have seen on Nokia's recent smartphones and it will apparently be available in a couple of different color choices named as California Blue, Flame Red, Graphite Black and Limelight Yellow.
As noted, the HTC Windows Phone 8S is a rather mid-range smartphone and has a 4-inch 800x480 touchscreen with Gorilla Glass and is powered by Qualcomm's MSM8227 1GHz dual-core CPU. It also comes with 512MB of RAM memory, 4GB of storage space expandable via microSD card, 5MP f/2.8 rear camera with autofocus and LED flash capable of recording 720p video, 802.11bgn WiFi (2.4GHz) Bluetooth 2.1, Beats Audio and a 1700mAh battery.
The precise dimensions of the HTC Windows Phone 8S are set at 120.5x63x10.28mm and it weighs 113 grams with battery. It resembles its bigger 8X sibling in terms of design and it will be available with the same choice of colors.
According to our sources, the Windows Phone 8X and Windows Phone 8S will be available in Europe (or at least in the DACH region) in early November with a price tag set at €549 for the Windows Phone 8X and €299 for the Windows Phone 8S.


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Here at Cubicle Chronicles we are avid readers of various blogs. You might say we have a slight addiction. We're always on the look out for new blogs that interest us. Send one our way if you think we may like it.
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