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Unusual Deaths of Fictional Characters
Ethan Frome
This first one is almost a cheat since the characters survive, but for the wow factor, deserves a very honorable mention. Set in a dismal little town, Ethan's life is as dreary as the fictional town of Starkville, Massachusetts. (The metaphor in the name is a bit heavy handed.) And after years with a bitter and ailing wife, Zeena, his love life is no less cold.
He finds solace in a secret romance with Mattie Silver, his wife's younger cousin. With his heart torn to shreds at the impossibility (and immorality) of marrying his new love, they propose one of the strangest suicide attempts in literature: death by sled. While sledding full speed into a tree seems an impractical death, it completes the theme. In their recklessness, they find that succumbing to passion does not equate to freedom.
There is still open debate on the actual motifs of morality in the novel, emphasized in Lionel Trilling's thought-provoking analysis "The Morality of Inertia." However, Ethan Frome is still considered a classic in a certain sense, even adapted into a mildly successful film version. If the critic's reviews seem a bit daunting, it's at least worth seeing Liam Neeson continue this bizarre literary sensation.
Great Expectations
One of Charles Dickens' greatest feats of literature, Great Expectations has its fill of unusual events. From the narrator's (Pip's) uncle Joe marrying a young childhood friend, to Pip's inexplicable adoration for a horrendously indifferent girl (that most readers would love to shake some sense into), Dickens outdid himself in the unexpected. But perhaps the most noteworthy event involves the death of one of the most unconventional characters.
For Miss Havisham, time stood still after a cruel bachelor jilted her at the altar. Unable to bear the heartbreak and humiliation, she spends the rest of her life in deterioration. She stops all clocks, lets the wedding cake rot in place, and refuses to remove her soiled gown. Decades later, still donning the same wedding dress, Miss Havisham contemplates life a little too close to the fireplace. She is unaware that her dress catches fire before it is all too late, burning to death where she stands. Her inability to recover from an old injustice ultimately consumes her.
Julius Caesar
No list of dramatic deaths could ever be complete without a reference to Shakespeare. Though the historical plays are considered some of his drier works, Julius Caesar hides an odd death of a minor character. Portia is the wife of Brutus (the Brutus of the famous line "Et tu, Brute?" and inspiration for songs by The Hives and Red Hot Chili Peppers.) She only appears twice in the entire play, but her last scene packs a punch.
Haunted by the absence of her husband while he battles for Rome, she grows increasingly unstable. Despite having no evidence that Brutus is dead (he is not), she becomes convinced that the enemy is too strong, and he must surely perish. Unable to imagine life without him, she is said to have "swallowed fire."
"She fell distract,
And, her attendants absent, swallow'd fire"— IV, iii, 154-155
According to the Greek biographer and essayist, Plutarch, Portia completed this strange action by swallowing hot coals. Not only is this one of the most unusual forms of suicide in literature, but one of the most unusual reasons. Acting in desperation, she died from missing her husband too much.
A Separate Peace
While the actual death of Phineas (Finny) in John Knowles' classic seems decently believable, the metaphor behind it is a bit unusual. Finny realizes on the eve of his operation that the "accident" which disabled him ("falling" out of a tree) was actually a purposeful deed enacted by none other than his best friend and narrator, Gene Forrester.
Of course, dramatic irony dampens this revelation, as the audience already was well aware -and struggling to forgive- this travesty. Yet the dark secret quite literally shatters Finny. During the operation to set his leg, a fragment of the splintered bone enters Finny's bloodstream, piercing his heart. As an audience, we are meant to assume the pain of Gene's betrayal was far too much, and our beloved Finny died of a broken heart.
Many people read into this book scouring for some hidden romance between the two. However, considering the deception as executed by a close friend seems no less painful than that of a wannabe lover. A 2004 film adaptation met some critique for dissimilarities between the movie and the novel, but still keeps this unique death alive.
The Birthmark
Though most known for his novels (The Scarlet Letter and The House of Seven Gables), Nathaniel Hawthorne was also an expectational short story writer. One of these haunting little works includes The Birthmark. The story revolves around a brilliant scientist, Aylmer, and his wife, Georgiana. Being renowned for her beauty, Georgiana's only flaw is a tiny birthmark in the shape of a hand on her cheek. A very minuscule flaw, considering the mark is not visible when she blushes and small enough to be covered by two fingertips.
Despite this, Aylmer becomes increasingly obsessed with removing the mark. Convinced that this blemish somehow symbolizes her mortality, he plans to prove his sovereignty over nature in running experimentation on her. Treating her with small doses of poison, his lovely wife falls ill as the mark begins to lift. As soon as the birthmark flees, she dies in his arms. By stripping her of her one physical flaw, he creates the angel he desired in a way he never imagined.
In this odd death, Hawthorne raises questions about human nature and the consequence of our constant desire for control. Similar themes are brought up in an equally twisted death found in his story Rappaccini's Daughter. Though Hawthorne's own death lacked some of this mystique, a former president of the United States found his corpse (lifelong friend Franklin Pierce) and his pallbearers included some equally famous writers, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Ralph Waldo Emerson.
The Oval Portrait
Originally called "Life in Death," Edgar Allan Poe's The Oval Portrait involves a twisted obsession that rivals Alymer's need for cosmetic perfection. Captivated by the desire to create a painting of his wife, a tension arises. Though beautiful and charming, his wife despises the narrator's art, jealous at how his consumption and passion steals affection from her. Yet to appease him, she sits for the painting.
As she sits smiling, he engrosses himself in the project. By the end of its completion, he locked her away in a tower so no one could see his masterpiece. In his utter preoccupation with creating a life-like portrait, he fails to realize his wife lost hers. Looking up from the final brushstrokes, he realizes with absolute horror that he painted her corpse.
Though Poe is known for his taste for macabre, this particular piece takes "ghastly" to a whole new level. The psychological implications behind this literary death leave a haunting impression a reader is slow to forget.
Though Shakespeare already earned a mention, a final acknowledgment is necessary. His play Titus takes the cake for most disturbing literary deaths of its kind. Through a horrific series of events, deaths in this play involve mutilation and cannibalism worthy of Hannibal Lector. In fact, none other than Sir Philip Anthony Hopkins (actor of Hannibal Lector in Silence of the Lambs) plays the tragic main character in the 1999 film adaptation. Though this form of horrific torment can be seen -unfortunately- in real life autobiographies like Bite of the Mango or fictionalized in NBC's horror television series Hannibal, keeping time in mind is crucial.
Shakespeare is speculated to have written Titus between 1588 and 1593. That's well over 400 years ago. Though the cinematic tastes of our time have driven us towards darker and darker corners of acceptable writing, from A Serbian Film to Irreversible, the classic playwright deserves some credit for having the guts to present this sort of grisly act originally.
Without venturing too far into the realm of disturbing, many other works could easily take place on the list. The death of the old lady in A Clockwork Orange, the senseless shooting in The Stranger, an axe-to-the-face murder in American Psycho, or a skinning in The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle have all influenced the norms of literary death and dabbled in the sadistic. However, the focus is on the unusual, and hundreds of years later, writers still manage to find ways to surprise the audience with unique deaths that remind us of the fragility and significance of life. If you remember a particularly shocking death in a literary work, please comment below.


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September 26th
Hermione nervously flicked her thumb against the metal tip of her Eagle feather quill. The fingers of her left hand beat out a consistent, rhythmic strum across the desktop in the dank Potions classroom. Her eyes were locked straight ahead, unblinking, on a subject that was certainly not Professor Snape lecturing on the modern day use of wormwood.
No, today's object of Hermione's unflinching attention was the back of a head. A blond, gelled-to-perfection head, but a head nonetheless.
Draco Malfoy's head was all Hermione had seemed able to concentrate on for the last hour and ten minutes of their Double Potions lesson and the flicking fingers, gouged lips and unwavering glower seemed to indicate that she was not too happy about this fact.
If he would just say SOMETHING about last Friday – I mean, he obviously has to remember, so why won't he talk about it?
Her eyes bugged out a little bit at this last thought.
Clearly, he must think I'm a lunatic. I did cry after all. How horrible is that? Crying. A pregnant woman crying. It's so cliché I can hardly stand it!
Professor Snape was now maneuvering through his aisles of students like a looming hawk, contemplating which would be the easiest prey. Hermione wrenched her eyes away from the back of Malfoy's neck and forced them to focus on the unnaturally blank parchment sitting upon her desk. She began to furiously scribble nonsense about potion making, hoping she wouldn't catch Snape's attention.
But what I don't understand is why he's avoiding me. If anything, I would assume he would use this as yet another opportunity to mercilessly mock me for my shortcomings. Crying is huge ammo – why doesn't he use it to torment me?
Snape was comfortably away from her now and Hermione resumed the familiar ritual of strumming, chewing and staring.
And HOW, may I ask, has he managed to completely avoid seeing me in hallways, in between classes, in our SHARED dormitory? It's impossible. Is he not sleeping there or something?
Hermione's stomach growled obnoxiously as it was nearing noon and she looked down, reminded instantly of the ultimate reason she was currently irate with Draco Malfoy.
How DARE he disappear when he's supposed to be performing the stupid concealment charm for me? Sure, I'm used to hiding the bloody watermelon, but he agreed to help me. Dumbledore made him agree. Who does he think he is?
The clang of the bell resounded around the stone walls of the potion classroom.
"Have two feet of parchment on the magical components of wormwood on my desk by Monday," Snape drawled monotonously as the class rushed to collect their things.
Hermione haphazardly swiped the contents of her desk into her open book-bag, all the while keeping a roving eye on Draco Malfoy as he gathered up his things.
This is it; I'm not letting him shrink out of sight this time.
Malfoy casually strode towards the door, bag slung effortlessly over his shoulder, his head held high like a good little aristocratic gentleman.
Hermione snorted at the sight of him, but didn't once lose track of his blond head as the crowd slowly poured out of the classroom and into the dungeon passage leading up to the entrance hall.
Hermione lazily allowed the throng of students to float her up the stairs, but once she emerged in the gleaming marble of the entrance hall, her eyes zeroed in on the one who was taking a diversion up the grand staircase.
Trying her best at "stealthy", she followed him up the stairs at an unsuspicious distance.
He walked with his usual confidence down the deserted corridors – I've always wondered if that straight-back was just a front he put on… But the boy seems truly incapable of slumping.
Malfoy continued to tread purposefully past suits of armor and alcoves housing busts of long-dead witches and wizards, both of which Hermione found useful to periodically hide behind when she thought he'd heard one of her footsteps.
Eventually they reached the place Hermione had suspected they might be heading: the Library. She gave him a two-minute head start before trailing behind him once again and pushing through the swinging double doors.
The library was fairly deserted since most people were off at lunch. This would normally be considered a good thing when trying to locate a person between the stacks, but, unfortunately for Hermione, the place seemed to be deserted of Malfoy as well.
She meandered erratically amongst the shelves, randomly picking up books to look busy if she happened to get caught.
A good ten minutes passed and Hermione was convinced she'd combed every nook and cranny of the godforsaken hall thrice over. She stood, slightly out of breath, with both palms resting on the checkout counter, disbelief etched in her features.
"Looking for someone, Granger?"
Hermione nearly jumped clear out of her skin, spinning around and backing painfully into the edge of the counter to come face to face with the boy she was currently out of breath searching for.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded.
"I was about to ask you the same question, funny enough."
"Well, I was checking out some books, obviously," she snootily retorted.
"Really?" he looked her up and down, "Well have you hidden them somewhere about your person?"
She blushed. "No… The real question is: what are you doing here? You're never in the library."
'Yes, well, I found myself in need of some information and figured the library would be the most logical place to find it." He tapped the books held tightly between his upper arm and side.
"What information is this?" Hermione asked, eyeing the concealed literature.
"Oh, nothing of interest to you, Granger," he said with blatantly forced casualness, grabbing Hermione's arm and steering her towards the door.
"What? How do you know it won't be of interest to me?" Hermione responded, growing increasingly more annoyed, "And let go of my arm!"
"Because you told me so, and I just thought, if you wanted to talk, we should find a better place to do it."
She narrowed her eyes as they stepped out into the quiet corridor, "Malfoy, what aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing," he said emphatically, "Did you follow me here?"
"No!" Hermione bristled at the suggestion, "And I can tell you aren't telling me something."
"I've told you everything you need to know, what I'm truly curious about is what you're doing in the library when you clearly have no desire to check out any books and lunch is on."
"If you must know, they didn't have the book I wanted – How about you show me the books you've got there?"
"Oh, they're not important. You know, I'm quite flattered, Granger. I knew you wouldn't be able to ignore me forever, but this is much sooner than I expected for you to cave."
"They are import – Wait. Me? Ignoring you? You must be slightly touched in the head if you think that, Malfoy, because you've been ignoring me!"
"You're delusional, you haven't so much as looked at me all week."
"I have so!"
Draco smirked, satisfied, and nodded.
"Oh!" Hermione gasped, "You tricky beast!"
"Oh, Granger, be nice!"
"No, you are! Now tell me why you've been avoiding me!"
"I haven't, honest."
"I don't believe you when you say you're being honest," she snarked.
"Well, clearly you have trust issues that you've got to work out," he said with mock sweetness.
There was a moment of silence between them as they stared each other down.
"Where have you been sleeping the past week?" she questioned, deadpan.
"Is this any of your business?" he asked, affronted.
"Well, yes, I would say it's my business when you're supposed to be performing a highly important charm on me every morning and you're nowhere to be found." She gave him a punishing glare.
"I – Sorry, Granger, I really didn't remember."
"Didn't you?" she snapped. "Well, I suppose it would be easy for you to forget something that isn't permanently attached to your navel like a grotesque beach ball!"
"Granger, if it's any consolation, that's astounding imagery and I promise to never forget about you again."
"Oh you bet you won't forget about me. I'll be the one pounding down your door every morning at six from this day on. Be ready."
She gave him a final menacing look before turning on her heel and storming back down the hallway, making sure that, this time around, each footstep fell with a resounding and highly satisfying boom.
* * *
Later that evening, Hermione found herself sitting in the comfortable winged armchair opposite Astrid Vance's desk following her custom weekly appointment.
She gazed distractedly out the paned window. The hopeful setting sun had managed to break through the fierce grey clouds that had occupied the sky all day. Hermione ran two fingers slowly along the underside of her stomach, right beneath the hem of sweater, trying to feel the translucency.
All it felt like was skin.
"So, Hermione," Astrid said suddenly, walking back into the office with a tray of tea, "I thought we could talk about matters besides your physical well-being this visit, seeing as it is the end of your first trimester."
Hermione snapped back to attention, folding her hands neatly in her lap.
"Oh, um, yeah… what do you mean?"
Astrid smiled at her, sitting back in her chair, "Well, I am curious to know if your opinion of your pregnancy has changed these last few weeks?"
Hermione blinked a few times.
"My opinion of my pregnancy?"
"Yes. It's just that you've never come across as being particularly enthused by the concept. I was wondering if anything has changed."
She pursed her lips slightly, thinking.
"Well… I don't know if you recall, Astrid, but this baby is not mine. I did not choose to become pregnant. All of this happened without my knowledge or consent, so, I'm deeply sorry if my… disgruntled attitude makes you uncomfortable, but I have yet to form the so-called 'all encompassing' bond with this fetus and, until that happens, I choose to remain happily resentful."
Astrid's eyes widened slightly and she took a sip of tea.
"It sounds as though you've been thinking about this a lot."
Hermione took a slow breath in, "Yes, well, it's hard to come up with something equally complex to dwell on. Frankly, everything else pales in comparison."
"Is that so?" Astrid said quietly, almost to herself.
Hermione resumed looking out the window.
"Hermione, do you talk to anyone else about the pregnancy? Anyone your own age?"
She rolled her lips between her teeth, staring at the sky.
"Every now and again," she said, emotionless, "Not many people know."
"Whom do you talk to?"
"Well," she began, not making eye contact, "You met Ginny, right?"
"Is Ginny the only one you share things with, Hermione?"
"Are all of these questions really necessary, Astrid?"
Astrid took another sip of tea.
"I'm only asking," she said, choosing her words cautiously, "Because this is such an abnormal situation and, to be completely honest, you've seemed a bit on edge today."
Hermione laced her fingers together tightly, looking down before answering.
"Astrid, I'm perfectly fine," she said with a taut smile.
Astrid leaned across the desk as if about to divulge a secret, "I don't believe you."
* * *
Hermione stood, hand on hip, outside Draco's door early Saturday morning.
"Malfoy, wake uuuup!" she goaded through the closed door, "You promised!"
There was rustling, then a loud thud followed by a muffled stream of curses as Draco made his way to the door.
"What'd you want?" he asked groggily, rubbing his eyes and holding the door open only a fraction.
"Have you really forgotten again?"
He squinted at her blankly, forehead resting on the doorframe.
"Malfoy! The charm! The concealment charm!" She turned sideways and stuck out her stomach, hopefully emphasizing the necessity.
Malfoy just stood there with his mouth open slightly.
"Ok, tell you what," Hermione began bossily, "I'll give you FIVE minutes to wake up and prepare yourself. After that, you are performing the god forsaken charm if I have to hold your wand up for you!"
With that she pushed him back in his room and pulled the door closed sharply.
Exactly five minutes later, Malfoy ambled into the Head Girl's room to find her lying peacefully on the ground, palms pressed together and breathing deeply.
He coughed in amusement, "Am I interrupting something?"
Hermione let out a final exhale and sat up, "Not at all. Are you sufficiently prepared?"
"If you mean, am I prepared enough to not kill your baby, then, yes," he replied with a crooked grin.
"Very well, let's get this over with," she said shortly, hoisting herself to her feet and walking across the room.
"Er, Granger, where are you going? I think you were fine where you were."
"Oh, well I have to ask you for another small favor," she said, standing on the bottom shelf of her armoire as she groped blindly around the top shelf with her right hand.
"Oh really?" Malfoy asked grumpily, "And what makes you think I'll say yes?"
"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist, Malfoy. It'll only take a second!" It appeared she had located the item she was looking for as she was now walking back across the room with a small brown box.
"What's that?" Malfoy asked uncomfortably.
Hermione rifled through the tissue paper and brought out the item in question with gusto, "It's a camera!"
Malfoy gave her a look that clearly said 'Are you completely mad?'
"It's a present from Fleur Delacour," she said with a sigh, "I'm supposed to be documenting my gestation so that I may look back on it fondly in years to come."
"That's what they've told you, is it?" Malfoy asked, skeptically eyeing the camera.
"Yes and since I've officially finished my first trimester, I figure I won't have many more excuses to not send pictures."
"I think I see what you're getting at," he said, stroking his chin.
"Well, you know, now that you'll be performing the concealment charm on me everyday, I though I should take a picture of what I look like… er, unconcealed."
"Aha, and that's where I come in!"
"See, it's not a big deal. Just a few quick clicks and we're done!"
"Mmhm," Malfoy mumbled.
"So, will you do it?"
"On one condition."
She sighed and rolled her eyes, "What's that?"
"You have to look happy."
"Excuse me! Who says I wouldn't look happy?"
"Well Miss 'I-resent-my-pregnancy', I believe you're the one who told me that."
Hermione clenched her jaw and thrust the camera into Malfoy's hands, stalking away to stand in front of the nearest blank wall.
"Just take it, will you," she ordered, plastering her face with an incredibly forced smile.
"Not so fast, I don't like the background, it's boring. Why don't you sit over by the window?"
"Malfoy, come on, this is ridic–"
"Hey, you're the one who's asking for a favor," Malfoy reminded her with a grin.
Hermione stomped over to the window and plopped herself down on the window seat.
"Eh, turn a little bit to the side and stick your stomach out," Malfoy directed, forming a rectangle with the thumbs and forefingers of his two hands.
"Malfoy, this does not have to be a huge production. Will you please just take the picture?"
"I'll take it as soon as you manage to look genuinely happy," he goaded from behind the lens.
Hermione rolled her eyes a final time and took a calming breath before she turned to face the camera, pulling on a dazzling grin.
Draco clicked away rapidly, pretending to be a fanatic photographer.
"Ok, that's enough," Hermione said with a laugh after a dozen or so pictures.
"Well, you're lucky I'm such a great photographer… you didn't give me much to work with."
Hermione smacked his arm.
"Right, you're practically a professional… Now can we please do the charm?"
"Yes, princess! I'm so sorry I've held up our schedule with all of my unnecessary distractions!"
"Just shut up, Malfoy," she responded, annoyed, as she lowered herself to the ground.
"Alright," said Malfoy, rolling up his sleeves for effect as he kneeled next to her, "Let's see if I can remember everything now…"
"Don't you joke about something like that!"
"Lighten up, Granger, and, please, roll up your shirt."
Hermione looked nettled but did as he asked.
"Ok, sorry if you're ticklish," he said with a grin before lowering his wand and tracing one continuous circle around her raised abdomen, saying, "Ora Dissimulo!"
There was that unfamiliar sensation and the next thing Hermione knew, it was like she wasn't pregnant at all.
Draco watched her with an odd sort of look on his face as she stood up quickly and easily, spinning in circles on the wood floor with her stocking feet.
"Oh, I could get used to this," she said, flitting over to the armoire and admiring herself in the mirror.
"Well, you're welcome," Draco said, hovering near the door.
"Yeah, thank you, Malfoy," she said distractedly, looking at him through the mirror.
"Don't forget we have patrol in Hogsmeade this afternoon, Granger," she nodded, still smiling at herself and he said, under his breath, "If you can manage to touch back on reality some time soon."
* * *
In late September, Hogsmeade was at the height of its charm. Every thatch-roofed cottage sat basking in the copper glow of the slowly setting sun. Roses were blooming fully – heavy, vibrant petals overflowing picket fences and littering sidewalks. Every Hogwarts student third year and above found themselves incapable of saying no to a carefree afternoon in the village. Students wound in and out of the many pubs and shops, chattering happily and laughing with their friends.
Strolling lazily down a Hogsmeade side street were two duty-bound students looking shockingly sullen compared to the beauty of the day around them.
"Have we walked down the alley coming up yet?" Malfoy asked dully.
Hermione yawned, "Probably."
He squinted at the approaching set of bins and then at the dusty brick walls of the buildings pushing up on either side of them.
"You know, I reckon we've just been walking down the very same blasted street for the last two hours," he said angrily, landing a kick on the brick wall to his left.
"Yeah, well, I suppose it's better than having something to deal with," Hermione said, hardly sounding convinced by her words.
Malfoy laughed, "Come on, Granger, come up with something at least you can believe!"
She gave him an annoyed look. "Well, I don't know what to tell you! You're acting like a child!"
"I'm bored!" he said, throwing his arms in the air. "This is ridiculous!"
Hermione rolled her eyes, but even she had to admit that she could easily fall asleep as they made their monotonous patrol loop around the village.
"Could we at least sit down somewhere, Granger? I can't stand walking when there's nowhere to go!"
"Haven't you ever heard to take pleasure in the journey, not the destination?"
"Hah, I don't believe that crap," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Why don't we go sit by the fountain on the main street?"
"We're supposed to be patrolling ALL of Hogsmeade, Malfoy," Hermione bossed.
"Oh come ON! If anything's going to happen it'll be out there anyway. No one from Hogwarts comes down these stupid alleys," Malfoy said, desperate to get out in the open again.
Hermione knew Malfoy was only saying this because he was sick and tired of the patrol and that, in fact, if there was anything going on that they would have to worry about, it would most likely be happening in one of these abandoned alleys.
But… then again, she couldn't help but agree that this was probably the most boring patrol she'd ever been on. The fact that it was a glorious sunshiny day did not help matters in the slightest.
"I suppose that would be alright," she said reluctantly.
Malfoy punched the air with a grin and let out a triumphant, "Yes!"
"You are such a child," Hermione said, crossing her arms but incapable of suppressing a grin at Malfoy's exuberance.
Malfoy sprinted the length of the alley and then ran a few circles around Hermione, pushing her back to hurry her towards the entrance.
Out in the sunshine, the two Heads blinked and squinted at the brightness around them. They slowly meandered towards the center of the main street, spotting the simple yet historical stone fountain. The fountain sported an alluring bench that circled around its edge, providing a perfect place to sit when you happened to be a Head exhausted from your pointless patrol… or, you know, something like that.
Hermione plopped herself down ungainly, tilting her knees out and resting her hands on her (supposedly flat) stomach. Draco observed her with a mischievous grin before sitting down himself.
"Granger?" he began, turning towards her.
"What now, Malfoy? Is there something wrong with this spot as well?"
"No, no, I was just wondering if you were in the right frame of mind for a little constructive criticism."
Hermione pursed her lips. "What do you have to say?" she asked, fixing him with a forbidding stare.
"Er, well, I just thought you would appreciate knowing that you look ridiculous sitting like that."
"Excuse me!" Hermione shouted, affronted, snapping her legs together and sitting upright.
"It's just pretty obvious that you're pregnant," Malfoy whispered.
"That's just because you know!" Hermione said, wrinkling her brows.
"Well you've got your legs out like this," he said, demonstrating elaborately.
"Oh, shut up!" she shrieked, snapping her knees shut and hitting his arm with her fist as a blush crept into her cheeks.
"I thought you would appreciate knowing!" he replied, hands in the air.
"Yeah, thanks so much," she growled, crossing her arms and looking pointedly away.
"Merlin, someone is not in a good mood…"
Hermione scowled at him before turning her nose up snootily in the other direction.
There are a million things I would rather be doing at this moment, she thought in impatient boredom. In fact, I have shopping I could be doing here instead of wasting my time on this useless patrol! Didn't Astrid only just advise me to buy one of those maternity bra things? A tinge of pink colored Hermione's cheeks as she thought of this slightly embarrassing necessity. It would be such a better use of time to get that done now, but she couldn't possibly do it with Malfoy on her tail. She'd sooner die.
Glancing slyly over at Malfoy, she was met with the image of a boy at the height of boredom. His brows were so pitifully furrowed, his eyes so pathetically sorrowful that she could almost laugh. This would be too easy.
"Hey, Malfoy, I have a proposal," she started cautiously.
Malfoy's head snapped around to look at her.
"A proposal, Granger?"
"We both know this patrol is unnecessary," she began, closely watching his expression. "In fact, I doubt anyone would even notice if we, say, abandoned our posts!"
Malfoy looked at her dubiously, scarcely daring to believe he was hearing her right.
"So, I guess what I'm suggesting is that we go our separate ways for an hour – I'm sure you have things to do just as I do – and then meet back here to catch up."
Malfoy raised his eyebrows skeptically.
"Where is this coming from, Granger? You always stick by your rules!"
"Hey I am not just a mindless follower, Malfoy," Hermione said, offended. "I don't follow rules for rules' sake. I have things to do and I would like to get them done today! I'm only being practical."
"What are you talking about?" he cried incredulously, "You always follow rules for the rules' sake!"
"Whatever," she replied dismissively. "I'll meet you back here in one hour sharp!"
Hermione got up and walked swiftly away, waving cheerily behind her at the baffled Draco.
I wonder what she's up to, pondered a curious Draco Malfoy. After Hermione had walked so suddenly away, abandoning her prized duty, Draco was left very curious indeed as to what could inspire in her such a blatant rebellion.
Now, walking approximately fifty paces behind her, he was about to find out.
He had tailed her through the moderately crowded main street, relying on groups of giggly third years to conceal him if she happened to turn around.
Where is she going? Why did she want to get away from me so badly? Draco narrowed his eyes and slipped quickly behind a trash bin to hide from Hermione who had just unexpectedly turned around.
Ack the things Granger makes me do, thought Draco miserably as the stench of rotting garbage overcame him. He peeked sneakily from behind the bin to see Hermione receding into the distance and then shot up quickly to follow her lead.
She began to slow her usually purposeful stride as she approached a small pink storefront. Draco clung to the wall of an adjoining alley as she paused before going in. He squinted, hoping to be able to make out the sign, but it was still too far.
As she walked in and he began to move closer, two fifth year girls emerged with bright pink shopping bags spouting out silvery tissue paper, giggling girlishly to one another. They both blushed and hurried off in laughter upon seeing Draco, but not before he could make out what was written on the sides of their bags.
Lavinia's Lingerie
Draco's jaw dropped a fraction of an inch. Hermione Granger was buying lingerie? That was her oh-so-secret mission? What had this world come to?
Suddenly, Draco found his urgency to follow her quelled. He lowered himself haphazardly onto a park bench, his mind blown.
Granger, Hermione Granger, is purchasing… lingerie. He gulped, a light sweat lacing his brow. A million thoughts were racing through his mind; quickly, he pinched his eyes shut.
Oh no, no, no I will not be thinking of Granger like that. No, no. He clutched the iron arm of the bench with such intensity his knuckles turned white.
Minutes passed as Draco sat in stunned silence. Finally, he thought, Well, I must be practical here. I did promise Dumbledore I would keep her safe wherever she went. I'm not really doing much good sitting outside here like a fool… Perhaps I should move closer.
With that, Draco picked himself up off the bench and ambled cautiously towards the shop. As he reached the window, he allowed himself a quick peek in. Hermione was nowhere in sight.
Well where the bloody hell has she gone off to? Draco thought, annoyed. Looking up and down the street once or twice, he took a resigned breath and pushed his way into the shop.
A few witches gave him odd looks as he towered in the doorway, looking severely unsettled. Hermione was not one of him.
Going back to his stealth mode, Draco walked quickly over to a rack of merchandise, flipping agitatedly through the many ruffled brassieres and underpants, not looking at a single one.
He had searched carefully through all corners of the store and had not found Hermione anywhere. Standing up straight, completely baffled as to where she had gone, Draco found Hermione.
"Oh my god," he said very slowly in the tone of a man watching a tornado make its way steadily closer to his home.
Hermione, standing in a fitting room with a sales witch and wearing nothing but a new lacy bra, screamed as she saw his pale, blond head in the mirror.
"DRACO MALFOY! WHY?!" She turned around, gave him a horrified glare and wrenched the curtain closed, knocking the poor sales witch out of her way. "GET OUT OF HERE!"
Draco didn't have to be told twice. He bolted from the shop and didn't stop running until he reached the gates into Hogwarts.
Slowing to a walk, he pushed the sweat off his forehead and stared up at the sky. His fingers lingered on the space between his eyebrows and quite suddenly he roared, "Dammit!" and kicked wildly at the air in front of him.
Positively fuming, he walked with disturbing precision back up the castle's sloping drive, a look of menace playing about his steely gray eyes. You will not succumb this easily, Malfoy.
A/N: Hey there, readers. Uh, guess who's back? After a very, very, very long hiatus, I'm determined to finish this story once more. Realistically, I know most people no longer care what happens here, but, since I'm writing it, I figure I might as well post. Honestly, I'm very sorry if my ridiculous absence has offended you or angered you in some way - Life got in the way, that's all I can say. Hopefully you get some enjoyment for what I post here!
By the way, half of this chapter was written in May 2008 and half in May 2009.... so, sorry if there's any apparent disjointedness!
Oh, and feedback of any sort would be the best thing ever. Thanks =)
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subset: commoncrawl


text:
Can Delhi get out of this gas chamber?
As India's capital figures on yet another list of the world's most polluted cities, experts offer solutions
Shibu Kumar Tripathi Delhi
A recent report published in The Lancet, a noted medical journal, set alarm bells ringing among the scientific community in India as it pronounced Patna and Delhi to be among the worst polluted cities in the world. The report also hurled another staggering statistic at public health professionals: more than a million people die in India every year due to respiratory diseases caused by air pollution. Though the report paints a grim picture of the national capital, some experts beg to differ. According to the Central Pollution Control Board (CPCB) and the Centre for Science and Environment (CSE), there has been a surprising improvement in Delhi's air quality in the first couple of months of 2017 compared to last year.
Dismissing the arbitrary methods of data extrapolation used by Western agencies, the CPCB denied the claims of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) about the rising levels of sulphur in the air and The Lancet's remarks on Delhi being one of the most polluted cities in the world. Dr D Saha, head of the air laboratory wing of the CPCB, told Hardnews, "There is no clarity over the methods used by these agencies to estimate the value of pollutants in Delhi's air. In our studies, we have found that the conditions have improved in 2017, air quality has improved from 'severe' to 'very poor' level." However, Delhi has been battling a continuous surge in pollution for more than a decade. The factors causing this include an explosive spurt in motorisation, rapid construction activities, lack of a paratransit system, piling up of landfills, an overt dependence on private vehicles, unregulated emission and stubble burning.
The Supreme Court was so alarmed at the rising pollution levels in Delhi that it had to take suo-moto cognisance of the matter. In a scathing indictment of the state of affairs, the court labelled the city as a veritable "gas chamber". It directed the CPCB, the Delhi government, the Environment Pollution Control Authority (EPCA), and the state governments of Delhi, Haryana, Uttar Pradesh (UP) and Rajasthan to formulate a comprehensive action plan—notified in January this year—to curb pollution in the capital and neighbouring regions.
The Supreme Court order was another case of the judiciary having to intervene due to the inertia of the state apparatus. The last major intervention came in 1998 when the courts forced public transportation in the capital to switch to CNG. Polash Mukherjee of CSE acknowledged, "The judiciary has played a much bigger role this time by taking cognisance of the worsening environmental situation. The intervention has now led to the formation of GRAP (Graded Responsibility Action Plan) which is being implemented by the EPCA in coordination with different states around the NCR."
Government-led interventions in the capital have, however, been far less effective. Grappling with the declining quality of air, the Sahib Singh Verma government had decided to relocate environmentally polluting industries to the outskirts of the city. While a large chunk of industries moved out, many are still operating illegally to this day within the confines of residential areas. The SC-mandated EPCA has told the Delhi government that roughly 70,000 such industries are operating in residential areas. The National Green Tribunal (NGT) has now directed the CPCB, Delhi Pollution Control Committee (DPCC) and North Delhi Municipal Corporation to inspect areas in north-west Delhi after a plea claimed that many industrial units were running without permission, contributing to air pollution. At the time this story was filed, a two-week time-frame had been given to the body to submit the findings of its inspection.
An SC bench headed by Justice MB Lokur has also asked the Union government to ban the usage of furnace oil and petcoke in industries within four weeks. Reportedly, furnace oil which has a high sulphur content--between 15,000 to 20,000 parts per million (ppm)--is being used extensively by some established industries in Delhi. "That level of sulphur is colossal when compared to diesel which has around 50 ppm of sulphur content. And despite advanced engines in vehicles, it still manages to pollute the environment," said Dr Anumita Roychowdhury, executive director, CSE.
Delhi, spread over 900 sq km and with two satellite centres in Noida and Gurgaon, is one of the cities worst affected by urbanisation and rapid population growth. In 2007, the population of the NCR was estimated at 16 million and is expected to reach 22.5 million by 2025. Increase in population means requirement for larger settlement areas which directly leads to uncontrolled construction activities across the city. Experts believe that dust emerging from construction activities amounts to nearly 56 percent of pollutants in Delhi's air. These dust particles, when mixed with pollutants emanating from vehicular exhausts, bind with air, turning it toxic. Dr Sai Kiran Chaudhary, head of the Department of Pulmonology at the Delhi Heart and Lung Institute, says, "If an outsider who has lived in air which was much cleaner than Delhi's lives here for more than two or three years, his life expectancy is likely to decrease by five years." In the past couple of years, there has been an increase in the number of people suffering from advanced lung disorder who have also developed asthmatic symptoms and have a poor respiratory system, while the number of patients complaining about burning sensation in the eyes has also risen, said doctors in Delhi's Safdarjung Hospital.
Delhi experienced one of its worst winters, a deadly smog-filled one, in 2016 as post-Diwali, a thick haze engulfed the city. The air quality was 'severe' and the level of Suspended Particulate Matter (SPM) 2.5 crossed the 900 mark, nearly 15 times above the normal level. The Delhi government closed its Badarpur thermal power plant and all construction activities were banned by the NGT for 15 days. While the SC imposed an environmental cess in addition to the hefty toll tax on trucks entering Delhi, the then Lieutenant-Governor (LG) Najeeb Jung banned the entry of trucks into Delhi before 12 midnight till January 31, 2017. Newly appointed LG Anil Baijal relaxed the entry time for trucks to 11 pm from February.
The geographic location of Delhi has also contributed in exacerbating the situation. The city, which receives high winds blowing from the sandy terrain of Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan from the northwest in mid-October and November, recorded low wind speed. This did not allow dust to reach the mixing height—height above the surface at which air pollutants are diluted—which increased the concentration of particulate matter in the air.
Responding to a question in Parliament, Minister of Environment, Forest and Climate Change Anil Madhav Dave said, "The particulate matter concentration was high between November 2016 and January 2017 because of prevailing meteorological conditions like calm weather, low temperature, very low wind speed and reduced mixing height, thereby preventing dispersion of pollutants and leading to their accumulation." Delhi recorded an average PM 10 volume of 260 ug/m3 in 2016 which was over four times the safe level, while in the case of gaseous pollutants like nitrous oxide (NO2), it was 60 ug/m3, higher than the annual standard of 40 ug/m3.
A major issue related to Delhi's pollution is the uninterrupted emission of fly ash from thermal plants operational in the city. Delhi has two power plants, one each in Badarpur and Rajghat, which release fly ash—a powdery component released on burning of coal which when inhaled affects the immune system, increasing the risk of heart and lung diseases. An IIT Kanpur report which pointed to the gravity of the situation and mounting pressure from environmental agencies forced the closure of the Badarpur plant. Emission of particulate matter from four out of the five units of the plant failed to meet the permissible limits of 150 mg/Nm3. In a meeting chaired by Delhi's environment minister, Imran Hussain, the closure of the five units of the thermal power plant was extended till further orders in the early week of February. While the 40-year-old Badarpur plant had exceeded its expected lifetime, the Rajghat thermal plant that is also under the control of the National Thermal Power Corporation (NTPC) is likely to be converted into a waste-to-energy unit which can process 4,000 MTD of solid waste daily, said senior officials in the Department of Environment. "The government needs to shut down these thermal plants and shift from coal-based energy source to a clean and renewable form of energy. Following the closure of the Badarpur plant this winter, the levels of pollution have gone down significantly compared to last year," said Chowdhury.
While regular release of fly ash poses harsh threats to healthy living, black carbon released from brick kilns further aggravates the problem. Though the Delhi government has banned brick kilns from operating within its borders, it is a flourishing business in the bordering areas of Dadri, Baraut, Muradnagar and other places in Uttar Pradesh.
The government pinned the blame for the deteriorating situation in the national capital on farmers burning stubble in the neighbouring states of Haryana, Punjab and UP.
Motorisation has increased rampantly in Delhi over the years. Figures released by CSE indicate that two lakh cars were added to the roads of Delhi in 2015-16, marking a 20 percent rise in purchase of new cars since 2014-15. The popularity of private cab sharing platforms like Ola and Uber also bolstered the sale of vehicles. During the first phase of the Odd-Even scheme, a study by the School of Planning and Architecture showed that the share of private vehicles will go up by nearly 50 percent. Meanwhile, data from Delhi's transport department pointed out that over 900 vehicles were registered every day at the regional transport offices of which 32 were private cabs. A study conducted by the CPCB revealed that organic carbon generated from vehicles running on petrol engines contributes 24 percent of PM 2.5, while black carbon emitted from diesel-powered vehicles makes for 17 percent of PM 2.5, accounting for 41 percent of pollutants contributed by vehicular activities.
Prior to the winter smog, the Delhi government had successfully implemented two phases of the car rationing policy which focused on reducing the quantity of vehicular exhaust being added to the environment, alongside minimising traffic congestion. Dr Saha, while acknowledging the benefits of the Odd-Even policy, said, "The scheme proved to be helpful in Delhi which is extremely cramped in terms of traffic and roads. However, people have no discipline. Instead of following the rules, people bypassed it by purchasing new cars with alternative numbers. One thing needs to be very clear, human beings contribute to the degradation of air much more than any other factor."
"The lack of a paratransit system in Delhi has led to overdependence on private vehicles which is increasing every year. The government needs to shift to cleaner sources of fuel and develop new avenues of a paratransit system," noted Anumita. The Delhi government, which has decided to issue just 10,000 permits to autos this year, is also holding discussions on plans to rationalise bus routes. The Odd-Even scheme is likely to be rolled out again this year, though any details about its third phase is yet to be released.
While the Delhi government takes leaping steps, the Haryana government is planning to instal smog-free towers in Gurgaon and Faridabad. The idea seems to be drawn from Beijing which introduced similar air purifiers last October. The Haryana government is reportedly in talks with a Dutch company to set up these towers which are effective within a radius of 300 metres to 7 km. Government officials have hinted that there is an aggressive push towards tech-enabled pollution-free environs in the state with focus on satellite towns.
Denying reports of surging pollution levels, Shambhavi Shukla, a research associate at CSE, said that the pollution level has gone down in 2017 due to increase in wind speed and better meteorological conditions post-December.
In spite of positive trends in air quality, the biggest challenge for the city will now be to continue progressing along the same track which seems an uphill task. As summer approaches, the demand for power will gradually swell, forcing the government to rethink its decision to shut down all units of the Badarpur thermal power plant. The graded action plan, if not implemented in time, can collude with the changing meteorological scenarios and lead to a return of the 2016 winter-like conditions. The Delhi government, which is working on an ad-hoc policy, needs to formulate the much-needed transport policy so as to regulate the registration of vehicles for both private and commercial usage. The government needs to rework its plans to design congested roads in Delhi so as to create space for pedestrians, bicycles and other paratransit systems.
Failure to act immediately to contain the damage caused to air quality in Delhi may lead to the life-threatening environment from which the city recently emerged.


text:
EWU's Kupp questionable for UNI game
(STATS) - Eastern Washington is listing All-America wide receiver Cooper Kupp as "questionable" with a shoulder injury for its FCS Top 10 game against Northern Iowa on Saturday.
Kupp, the 2015 STATS FCS Offensive Player of the Year, didn't play in the second half last weekend after being injured in the Big Sky Conference team's 50-44 overtime loss at top-ranked North Dakota State.
"He's practiced so much that we'll obviously be very smart with what happens in practice this week, and then we'll get a feel closer to game time with where he is with his shoulder and AC joint," coach Beau Baldwin said.
Kupp, a 6-foot-2, 215-pound senior, has caught a Division I-record 61 touchdowns in his career. This season, he has 17 receptions for 268 yards and five touchdowns in three halves of action.
The No. 8 Eagles (1-1) are playing their home opener against a No. 10 UNI squad (1-1) coming off a loss to another Big Sky power, Montana.
Injuries have been a major factor for Eastern Washington. Four other starters, linebackers Miquiyah Zamora (hamstring) and Alek Kacmarcik (concussion), nose guard Matthew Sommer (knee) and offensive guard Chris Schlichting (shoulder), also are considered questionable for the UNI game.
Sophomore rover Cole Karstetter ruptured an Achilles against North Dakota State and won't play again this season.


text:
Media Mining Digest
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Media Mining Digest 352 – Aug 10, 2018: 3D Printed Guns, Asylum Seekers in Canada, Bicycles and Scooters, Broadband in Louisiana, Canadian Gun Violence Control, Cancer Drugs Ineffective, Chinese Drones, Constitution Uses and Limits, Democracy Destruction, Drones, Drug Overdose Pandemic, Emotionally Aware Machines, Environmental Racism, Extreme Groups in Canada, Fake Videos, Federal Budget Process, Folk Tunes, Food Myths, Games as Recruiting Tool, Girls Education Crisis, Haitian Public Domain Lands, Iranian MEK Activists, Islam Perspectives, LGBTQ Community, Liver Disease Treatment, Mafia in Vancouver, Mercury Poisoning in Canada, Migrant Causes, Military Pilot Career, Minority Unemployment in Canada, Next Generation Responsibilities, Organic Foods, Planet Saving Acts, Police and Justice, PTSD History, Racial Income Gap, Recycling, Regenerative Farming, Suicides, Sustainability Trends, Syrian Religious Refugees, Teenage Depression, Treason Discussion, Trump vs Environment, Washington Farewell Speech, Waste Reduction, White Collar Automation, Women in China
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text: Australian Joint Ventures and the Cross Charge Michael Coyle, Mining Agreements III This paper considers cross charges as a form of security between the participants of a joint venture. It is limited to unincorporated joint ventures, such as those commonly used for mining and petroleum exploration and development.As it is in the United States, the unincorporated joint venture in Australia is a contractual creation between two or more participants, each of whom holds a certain share in the assets of the venture. There is no single joint venture vehicle constituted specifically for the purposes of the venture. Rather, the unincorporated joint venture operates essentially as a form of co-ownership by the participants.As explained in Section 3 of this paper, the concept of a joint venture is a relatively recent phenomenon in Australia. To date (unlike partnership law, with which the law relating to joint ventures continues to be confused) there is no State or Federal statute or code governing the concept.It has been this lack of a formal, legally recognised entity which has led to considerable confusion in the past as to whether the Australian courts would in fact recognise the concept of a "joint venture" or merely attempt to classify it as falling within an established legal category, such as a partnership. Several commentators have recently made the dangerous assertion that a joint venture is in fact a partnership, thereby denying


text:
The story of how I got to this milestone is convoluted but short.
I took the plunge with eHarmony and spent weeks on there looking at all the sad old bald gits it was offering me. Not impressed with any of them. None of them contacted me, not once. The one guy I had a nice chat with turns out to not want to get involved. However, he did light a fire under me regarding role playing. No, not dressing up as a baby or being whipped in a rubber mask. Proper, real, dice and dungeons and table top role playing games.
So I decided I'd get back into D&D. It's a safe refuge for the socially challenged nerd to be someone else with a bunch of other people also being someone else. There are rules, there is a supervisor (the DM, may he always be merciful), there is the element of chance and there is social interaction, teamwork and it gets me out of the house. Everything you do or say has consequences, all of your actions are monitored. Nothing you do is really "The Wrong Thing". Nice change from real life and work, there.
I found that some of my friends from Eve Radio run a game on Roll20 which is an internet version of the table top game. My, how technology has progressed since I was at Uni (the last time I gamed properly). I remember struggling for months to write a character generator for our LARP in Games Soc, using Basic 5.0. Gawd. Now I can roll a proper D&D 5th Edition Character in a few minutes on Roll20 and it knows all the traits, rules, modifiers, THAC0, spells and equipment you need. In this game, I'm currently playing a rather squishy wizard elf who's just made level 3 and is starting be less ineffectual in the party. For the next part, I have a paladin ready. I'm pondering a random character that was made by a joke site which would be "an over-emotional warlock who used to be a court jester".
I'm also in a proper table top game whereby I have to go to the DMs house, sit around a table, roll dice, drink energy pop and look the other players in the eye, as well as enacting my characters feats out loud in person. I'm playing a level 13 druid who's been killed three times already… and has a dire badger as a companion animal. She's a replacement for a ranger, in some ways, having epic tracking, spot and listen abilities. I've even bought a miniature of an elf druid (why am I playing so many elves?) to paint up.
So after a terrible time trying to hook up with the desperate old gummers on eHarmony, I'm finally hanging out with some really nice people and having a great time doing it.
P.S Just found this on Cracked.com. Squee ^^


text:
The Power of IT Peer Groups
IT peer groups provide CIOs at medium-size firms with advice and support, help them achieve goals, and can lead to new personal relationships.
Members must also reciprocate with each other. Lang introduced the group to his "Three Percent Fund." If an employee's annual salary is $50,000, for example, Lang allocates another $1,500 to their compensation for support of their pet causes. If their child's sports team needs sponsors, or if they are raising money for cancer awareness, Pinnacle gives a gift toward it. Many peer group members have adopted the fund idea, he says.
Until this year, members have acted as group facilitators, but HTG is phasing in professional facilitators. It is also introducing online groups, which it has facilitated in the past, for companies that cannot afford the cost of attending face-to-face groups.
Face-to-face group members must attend the quarterly meetings and can bring up to four employees. On the second day, the members split off into smaller groups for their specialties. Companies must have at least eight full-time employees, and earn annual revenues of more than $750,000. Annual dues range from $2,500 to $3,000.
Although neither Knutson nor Lang can quantify the ROI for their group, both say an invaluable benefit is IT peers who have become friends. "I call them if I have a problem," says Knutson. "They'll share how they solved it. They're my friends."
Members also often feel comfortable enough to declare personal goals, like getting away for a long weekend with their spouse or losing weight. "We interact through Facebook and Twitter and know what's going on in one another's lives," says Lang. "I asked one to give his kid a High Five from me for his soccer team."
Lastly, Lang urges peer group members to be transparent during meetings. "Don't puff out your chest," he says, "and act like you're doing everything right and don't need help. Say where you need help."
About the Author
Based in New York City, Karen A. Frenkel writes about business, entrepreneurs, innovation, computer science and technology, and has been published by Bloomberg.com, Bloomberg Businessweek, FastCompany.com and Science.
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Started Out On Burgandy But Soon Hit the Harder Stuff: Google's Drug Dividend
Has Google ever declared a dividend? The answer is not exactly.
The Wall Street Journal had an excellent follow-up story last week ("Sting that Cost Google Millions") about Google's drug sting and how responsibility for profiting from selling drugs went all the way to the top of the company's executive team. The sting was very well coordinated and revealing of Google employees knowingly advising advertisers of how to avoid getting caught selling ads for illegal drugs. That obviously did not work out for Google although it worked out well for the people, and Google contributed another $500,000,000 to reducing the national debt (query whether that is more than they paid in income tax through the company's tax havens.)
MTP readers will remember that Google Chairman Eric Schmidt (who was CEO at the time Google Drugs was in full swing) refused to answer Senator Cornyn's erudite questions at the recent Senate Antitrust Subcommittee hearing that resulted in a referal to the FTC by Chairman Kohl and Ranking Member Lee calling for a full investigation of Google.
Two things about the Journal's story caught my attention. First, the story had an interesting quote from the brilliant professor Eric Goldman. This is of note to me because of Professor Goldman's prescient prediction made earlier when the no-indictment agreement first became news that Google's stock price would take a hit if its senior executive team were to be indicted.
This quote was equally sharp:
"If Google were to adopt a much more restrictive definition of problematic advertisements, everyone would immediately notice a drop in their revenue," said Eric Goldman, director of the High Tech Law Institute at Santa Clara University. (emphasis mine)
My immediate thought was that the professor once again was right on the money, so to speak, but I would wonder who he meant to include in "everyone" because I feel pretty confident that "everyone" would include stockholders but "everyone" would not include Google executives.
In the accompanying story about that sting, we found out that the drugs being sold were RU-486, human grown hormone and steroids through the site "SportsDrugs.net". Although RU-486 must be taken in a doctor's office, Google executive approved ads saying "no prescription needed". Given the seedyness of the sting (which soon moved straight to oxycontin and the harder stuff), Professor Goldman is no doubt exactly correct again.
But the other thing that struck me about the story is that the reporters accepted as a given that Google was sitting on top of $45 billion in cash and paying a $500,000,000 fine was of no consequence to them.
I hope that I don't ever get to the point that I think $500,000,000 is of no consequence. But I thought, how in the world could Google be sitting on top of that much of the stockholders money–in cash. Don't they pay a dividend?
The Motley Fool gives this advice:
"Think of Google as you would an expert poker player. No doubt it'll lose some big hands, but by investing heaviest when the odds favor success, it produces better-than-average returns on equity and invested capital."
You mean like this?
Ah yes. A poker player like Charles Nesson or Lawrence Lessig perhaps?
But here is the reality from Google's investor relations site:
Does Google pay a cash dividend?
No, we have never declared or paid a cash dividend nor do we expect to pay any dividends in the foreseeable future.
Well, aside from the sheer arrogance of that answer for executives who have to lease Moffet Field from NASA in order to have room for their fleet of jets, I would say that they do pay a cash dividend–for the benefit of their executive team when they are about to be indicted for violating controlled substances laws.
I started out on burgandy but soon hit the harder stuff…
From Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues
Written and composed by Bob Dylan
Copyright © 1965 by Warner Bros. Inc.; renewed 1993 by Special Rider Music
Great News!! Google TV Will Only Transmit Licensed Programming!
According to the Telegraph:
"Nikesh Arora, chief business officer at Google, said that the launch of internet-enabled TV would have the same effect on broadcasting as the launch of sites such as iTunes had on music. 'Disaggregation in TV is coming up,' he said. Mr Arora said that people would use internet television services such as Google TV to decide when and what to watch. Broadcasters would therefore lose a lot of control on decision making."
So if it has the same effect as iTunes, then all Google TV programming will be licensed and rightsholders will be paid! Awesome!!
That must be what he means, right? Surely he doesn't mean that Google TV will allow pirate sites to connect to home TV and stream illegal copies while Google sells the advertising?
Guest Post: 8 Things Spotify Could Do Right Now to Show They Care About Musicians
By Gavin Castleton, a songwriter and producer from Portland, OR. Follow him on Twitter @gavincastleton. Gavin's Facebook is http://www.facebook.com/gavincastletonmusic and his excellent Tumblr commentary page is http://gavincastleton.tumblr.com
Copyright 2012 Gavin Castleton. Used by permission of the author.
- Promoting "Buy Now" links on album pages and next to individual tracks.
- Allowing artists to edit their own profiles.
- Displaying links to artists' websites, FB pages, twitter profiles, etc.
- Allowing users to "Like" and "Follow" an artist right from the Artist page.
- Allowing users to sign up for artists' email list from the Artist page.
- Serving ads in a way that did not encourage users to interrupt their listening mid-album/playlist in order to listen to or do something else.
- Paying independent artists the same rates as major label artists (One could argue that major labels should be paid lower rates than independents, since their overall revenue from Spotify is offset by an 18% share of the company).
- Paying artists a flat rate for their streams, instead of tying their royalty rate to advertising revenue over which the artist has no control. Artists should not be taking on risk along with Spotify unless they're also given stock options in the company. The current Spotify model treats artists like investors but without any [equity-type] long-term benefits.
Proudly Non-union Lobby Shop for Google and Wikipedia Targets "Union Thugs" With Dirty Tricks
The Google-dominated NetCoalition lobbying group is run by this man:
This is Markham Erickson, who, in another life, might have auditioned for Paul Revere & The Raiders. This time, though, Markham Erickson's NetCoalition (backed by Google and Wikipedia) is distributing hate pieces on "union thugs". And yes, that is the same Markham Erickson who ran another Google front group, the Open Internet Coalition and who wrote many of the emails that got former Google lobbyist and former White House deputy CTO Andrew McLaughlin reprimanded and may have gotten him fired. You can read these emails from 2010 here, but I'd suggest skipping over the Ben Scott (Free Press) emails where he makes suggestions for President Obama's State of the Union speech. Those were just citizen communications, not improper lobbying contacts, don't you know. But don't bother trying to find a connection to Google in Opensecrets, it's not there.
Here's a few excerpts from the Erickson/McLaughlin emails: "Meeting Victoria [Espinel, IPEC] this morning to discuss IP matters" at 9:57 am, then later the same day "Startling disturbing meeting, I wonder if we can chat?" A couple weeks later, a helpful copy of Erickson's letter to Victoria Espinel. You get the idea. Just staying in touch. Chatting. Coffee.
Update–According to the Wilshire to Washington blog, Mark Lindsay…I mean, Markham Erickson…issued a non-denial denial:
"Markham Erickson, the executive director the NetCoalition, issued a statement on Thursday in which he said that the coalition 'neither wrote nor approved' the blog post. But he said that one of its media consultants, Black Rock Group [the conservative lobby shop], prepared the handout 'in connection with an appearance before a conservative organization [Americans for Tax Reform].'
'This should never have happened and we are stunned and deeply sorry that it did,' Erickson said. 'Throughout our efforts on piracy legislation, we have kept our objections focused on policy rather than politics [you mean like threatening Paul Ryan in Reddit and Marsha Blackburn with primary challengers?]. We remain committed to achieving consensus on legislation to address the issue of online piracy. We recognize that consensus is achievable only when all the parties are treated with respect. The events of yesterday have no place in that effort and we again sincerely apologize for them.'"
The blog post all but leaves the impression that the legislation was a Democratic-motivated effort to please the donor base in Hollywood, when anti-piracy legislation traditionally has drawn bipartisan support and, in the most recent case, has also incited bipartisan opposition. Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas) introduced the Stop Online Piracy Act in the House and Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) was its chief backer in the Senate, while opponents ranged from Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) to Rep. Anna Eshoo (D-Calif)."
Well, you know. Kicks just keep getting harder to find, so to speak. Markham Erickson didn't do the hit piece, you see–someone who works for Markham Erickson did the hit piece and put NetCoalition's name on it. Wow, now that explains it, right? You don't suppose that this is part of Google's rumored "Republican outreach, " do ya? Sureley conservatives know that 99% of Google thinks they are vile and dangerous people. Even thugs. But, not according to Markham Erickson–nothing to see here, move along.
Erickson's puppetmasters must think that conservatives are so dumb that they will be deceived by a few pounds of red meat and believe that when Google is not selling advertising to push oxy to their kids, they will be lobbying to keep Gitmo open. So if you think that Mark is off base, just make the musical statement that "I'm Not Your Stepping Stone."
Do you presume to criticize the great and powerful Oz? Cloud Storage vs. Cyberlockers
There already is an effort to characterize Megavideo as just a little external hard drive lost in the woods and to try to obfuscate the obvious in a particularly Googly attempt to focus the public on the bright and shiny object so you pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. Here's a couple thoughts about cloud services.
The most important thing to keep in mind about the Cloud is that it is the latest way that the consumer electronics companies have found to get to replace all our computers yet again. CDs got nothing on them. Do you really need the Cloud for data? I can understand that carrying around all the music and films that someone downloaded from any one of a number of places can be a hassle, particularly if you are a collector and may have only watched the movie once or got it because you just wanted to have it. I can also understand the lulz from having a pirated copy of the Encyclopedia Britanica for those few times when accuracy is important during arguments with Dad about the cultural importance of skateboarding. But if you are going to be trusting someone with your personal data, it's not just any old external hard drive.
It's a special case of a storage facility that is a lot more important because of the rights that come with it, the protections you expect to have enforced and because it's supposed to be a safe place free from advertising searches of your personal data. For example, if you had a "free" cloud storage account that was add supported, and you suddenly started getting ads about cancer treatment centers and you were a cancer survivor, the idea that there was a connection between your medical record and advertising targeted at you might creep you out. But no more than gmail.
1. Don't Get An Account Anywhere You Can't Afford to Sue: Most of the time, you want your storage to occur at least within the jurisdiction of courts in your own country. That really should not be too hard to do.
2. Read Your Terms of Service: The less you pay for the account, the less likely it is that you are going to be able to negotiate the services agreement with your cloud provider, so you should actually read their click through agreement because that's your deal and you are possibly giving the cloud provider your most personal and important data.
3. What Happens if They Go Out of Business: Pay particular attention to what happens if the company goes bankrupt. If you were around for the Dot Bomb Bubble, then you likely experienced the well-funded digerati who ran the company into the wall at 100 mph then flipped the keys to the first bum on the street and disappeared. We've seen very valuable data get wiped because someone didn't pay their server bills and the co-lo facility wanted to use those servers for someone else. Remember–unless you have a lot of leverage and were able to negotiate specific terms, you will likely be unable to stop a third party from either wiping your data along with everyone elses or selling the server with your data on it if the cloud company goes bankrupt or just shuts down. (This is sometimes called "reprovisioning" the servers in geek speak.) If your cloud company is run by Skippy Dotcom (or even Kim Dotcom), ask yourself if you could trust Mr. Skip to make sure that your medical records are protected. Because you know what's cool? A billion.
4. Force Majeure and Other Attacks of "GOD": The Google risk factors are actually helpful in understanding how little they intend to ever make good on any promise that induced you to sign up: "Our systems are vulnerable to damage or interruption from earthquakes, terrorist attacks, floods, fires, power loss, telecommunications failures, computer viruses, computer denial of service attacks, or other attempts to harm our systems." And the result for you the unpowerful user? Good luck. Just about the same answer as if Megavideo got busted.
5. Insurance: Chances are that you will not be covered by insurance unless you buy it yourself. Even then, remember that insurance companies exist to make you bear most of the risk of the insured loss most of the time. The chances of a vendor (a) having a liability policy that would cover users and (b) that coverage extending to lost profits or harm from a privacy breach are both pretty unlikely. So assume you are on your own unless you have an insurance certificate in your hot little hand.
6. Security Breach: Does your cloud provider have to notify you in case of a breach? Or do you just wait until your identity is stolen?
So if you follow those suggestions, you will tend to narrow down the more obvious bad things. And if you ignore them and decide to put your most valuable information on "external hard drives" in Hong Kong controlled by Kim Dotcom–well….
Like the man said, caveat emptor.
The MTP Interview: Indie Film Maker David Newhoff
Film Maker David Newhoff sat down with MTP's Chris Castle to talk about his experiences as a film maker and the threats to creators from rogue sites (like Megavideo) and those who support them. He recently joined the call for Congress to do something about rogue sites in The Hill. (The interview continues in the next issue of MusicTechPolicy Monthly, sign up for a free subscription in the subscription box.)
MTP: Tell us a little bit about how you came to make your film Gone Elvis and a few of your experiences as a creator.
gone Elvis began when my wife saw an episode of Oprah that profiled homeless, female veterans. We had discussed it as a short film, and then I tabled it while I worked on other things. In the Spring of 2011, I decided I wanted to make a short in time to possibly get it into the FilmColumbia Festival in Chatham, NY, which is near where I live. I was thinking something light and easy, but my wife reminded me about the homeless vet stories, and gone Elvis was the result. I wrote the first draft of the script very quickly and sent it to Carla Duren to see if she would be willing to play the lead. Once she agreed, I launched a Kickstarted campaign with the help of my friend Jeanne Veillette Bowerman, who agreed to act as executive producers on the project. We raised about $9,000 in a little under 45 days and shot the film over a 4-day period in early July in Upstate New York. The film did have its debut at FilmColumbia in October and is now available as a free stream via the website while we wait to hear from some other festivals.
[MTP: David's production diary is available here.]
MTP: What technologies do you use in your craft?
I'm sure I use the same technologies as most folks. On the capture side, I've worked with multiple formats, from film to video to HD digital. I shot gone Elvis with the Arri Alexa [see discussion http://davidnewhoff.com/2011/09/18/arri-alexa-observations/ ]and am a huge fan of that camera now. On the post side, I cut now with Final Cut but was among the earliest users of AVID in the New York market. I don't do AfterEffects but work with people who do. Naturally, I use the web for communications, file distribution, and promotion. I have three Facebook pages, a LinkedIn account, a Twitter account, two WordPress blogs, a company website (sort of), cloud storage, and a YouTube channel.
MTP: How do you think the legitimate Internet could better serve an independent film maker?
That's hard to say because I'm old enough to be cynical about predictions related to the Internet; we've seen a lot of forecasts come and go. Still, I think there are several aspects of the Internet right now that help the independent filmmaker, or any artist, in tremendous ways. The most obvious, of course, is self-promotion. Part of selling anything is selling yourself, and the web enables literally anyone to do this because the cost of entry is zero. I also think that some of the ad-supported models on YouTube, etc. create ways for some quality work to find audiences without the corporate filters that can dilute creativity.
When it comes to independent filmmaking, I think there's a lot of dangerously vague, web-centric ideas out there based on the notion that creators need to forget about customers paying for the products themselves and should focus instead on free viewing as a vehicle to "make money in other ways." Many of these opinions, of course, are voiced by people who've never made a film and have no idea of the costs involved in even the most modest project. It's hard to believe anyone says these things with a straight face, but they're repeating the mantra of web gurus a lot of which sounds like a broader agenda to abolish copyright in general. If that's really the goal of companies like Google, I don't see how they're a friend of independent artist over time. On the other hand, Google could be the monopolistic distribution network we wind up complaining about in ten years.
MTP: Do you think that the DMCA notice and takedown procedure is working well for independent film makers? If not, why not?
DMCA seems workable when it's used to respond to an individual or website that is not engaged in copyright infringement as a business. When the infringing entity means no harm, then DMCA is a civilized approach to addressing casual or inadvertent infringement. But DMCA is impractical, insulting, and costly for the entrepreneur who has to send out repeated notices to entities whose whole enterprise is content theft. There is no other crime in the world that we treat with such kid gloves. I have to send a note out saying, "Please don't steal from me," and hope they agree? If a starving person stole food from a supermarket, he wouldn't be treated that gently.
[David's interview continues in MTP Monthly.]
See Also: MTP Inteview: Indie Film Maker Ellen Seider on how US companies profit from piracy on rogue sites
See Also: MTP Interview: Indie Film Makers Jason Stall and Topper McDaniel on Producing Indie Films in the Age of Google and Rogue Sites Legislation
Why did Wikipedia "go dark" (if you can call it that)? The story according to a "volunteer"
Here's a couple questions: If Wikipedia takes copyright so seriously it actually monitors for copyright infringement and maintains an advanced state of copyright purity, then how is it that copyright infringement is not part of its function? And exactly how did the "Wikipedia community" express its "stance" on rogue sites legislation? Wasn't it really more a question of "Jimbo's" stance and decision? Any ideas about who might have influenced that decision?
And isn't this response really saying that Wikipedia acted in its own interest? Sorry…the Wikipedia community, all 450 million users a month or so they say. And exactly how was that interest measured? Majority vote?
But of course, this "volunteer" doesn't speak for Wikimedia/pedia, in order to get that you have to send a certified letter via snail mail.
On behalf of the Wikimedia community, please allow me to extend a sincere thank you for taking time out of your day to write to us.
First, let me assure you that Wikipedia respects copyright laws. We are one of the most advanced sites on the web in the matters of copyright purity. Our volunteers monitor almost all additions for possible copyright infringements and spend a great deal of time ensuring that all media files in use comply with both US and international law.
The problem with SOPA and PIPA is not that they allow fighting of copyright violations—we are strongly against copyright violations. The problem is that many of the formulations in the proposed bills are very flawed, and many procedures in the proposed bills can easily be abused and used for censorship. For a detailed explanation about the problems with the proposed legislation, please see a statement by our General Counsel, Geoff Brigham, at <http://blog.wikimedia.org/2011/12/13/how-sopa-will-hurt-the-free-web-and-wikipedia/> ["Imagine a world in which every single human being can freely share in the sum of all knowledge. Help us make it a reality!"]. The Wikipedia community took its stance on SOPA and PIPA because we believe the bills are dangerous and harmful to our mission. We have had no discussion regarding how piracy should be fought because that question does not directly affect Wikipedia's function. Therefore, we do not propose any alternatives to SOPA.
I hope this helps to address your question, and thank you again for writing to share your thoughts with us.
Yours sincerely, Benn Newman
Disclaimer: all mail to this address is answered by volunteers, and responses are not to be considered an official statement of the Wikimedia Foundation. For official correspondence, please contact the Wikimedia Foundation by certified mail at the address listed on http://www.wikimediafoundation.org


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Leading MSPs like SDI Networks Now Able to Deliver Network Monitoring of All Critical Network and Windows Devices to End-user Customers
Lexington, MA – February 5, 2008 – Ipswitch, Inc., a leading developer of network management, today announced that its managed services offering based on its flagship network management product, WhatsUp® Gold, is commercially available and shipping. Using WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition, managed services providers (MSPs) are able to deliver predictive, service level agreement (SLA)-compliant network monitoring. Using the new solution, MSPs are able to meet one of the industry's biggest challenges: to demonstrate their value to their end-user customers. With WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition, MSPs can take advantage of valuable IT networking capabilities to proactively enable their customers to better control operations by rolling up device state status to a centralized dashboard or Network Operation Center (NOC) environment, engage in best practices and meet the evolving requirements of today's businesses.
"As a leader in providing best of breed and fully managed solutions, we're dedicated to working with the best companies and products out there," said Michael J. Knight, CTO, SDI Networks. "The new MSP product from Ipswitch is enabling us to bring a new level of impact to our services offerings. With WhatsUp Gold in our arsenal of tools, we're reinforcing our goal of bringing premier, cutting-edge tools to our customers so that they can use the capital they reclaimed from downtime and outages to streamline their operations and boost their profitability. The offering from SDI using Ipswitch as our network management solution is a win-win for the market."
"The market for managed services is very strong going into 2008 as customers shift their buying patterns from products to services," said Warren Neuburger, president, Ipswitch network management division. "At Ipswitch, our emphasis continues to be on delivering compelling products and solutions that can provide tremendous ROI to our service provider partners and ultimately their end users. With WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition, we are delivering unique capabilities that fit both the mid-tier and SMB markets."
WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition is the only MSP-focused solution that not only supports a diverse client base with a wide variety of network types, architectures and equipment; it is also a solution that is priced competitively so MSPs can achieve their business objectives, demonstrate continued value to their customers and enable their customers to enjoy strong ROI.
WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition enables MSPs to offer competitively priced services that are differentiated by quality and responsiveness. Regardless of the level of service, WhatsUp Gold provides superior real-time monitoring and alert capabilities that enable MSPs to increase profitability, visibility and maintain strong customer relations. For example:
WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition provides a complete solution for MSPs to securely monitor any number of customer networks from a single central site. IP services, Unix/Linux and Windows server infrastructure, firewalls, routers and WANs can be monitored from a single secure console.
In addition to pro-active monitoring of their customer networks, WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition provides built-in reporting that demonstrates the performance of customers' IT infrastructure from a business perspective; including SLA levels, critical systems and the physical network. MSPs can leverage comprehensive reporting capabilities to create reports that depict the impact services have on a customer's critical business infrastructure.
WhatsUp Gold MSP Edition is priced starting at $2595. The product is currently available and shipping.
Ipswitch™, Inc.'s network management division, the developer of the WhatsUp Gold suite of innovative network management solutions, manages thousands of networks worldwide. Built on a scalable architecture offering automated network discovery and network mapping, real-time network monitoring (including SNMP monitoring and WMI monitoring), and versatile alerting, notification, and reporting functionality, WhatsUp Gold provides intelligent and easy to use, extensive network management that goes beyond simple device availability and delivers comprehensive troubleshooting. Recently, Ipswitch, Inc. acquired Dorian Software Creations, Inc., the leader in providing complete, easy-to-use solutions for Windows Security Event Management (SEM) and Log Management for small businesses and enterprise-level organizations.
WhatsUp Gold scales from the small business to the large enterprise, and its functionality extends with additional plug-in modules: WhatsUp Gold WhatsConnected™ for Layer 2/Layer 3 discovery, mapping and visualization; WhatsUp Gold Flow Monitor and WhatsUp Gold Flow Publisher for network bandwidth utilization monitoring; WhatsUp Gold WhatsConfigured for automated Network Configuration and Change Management; and WhatsUp Gold VoIP Monitor for precise measurement of a converged network's ability to provide the quality of service (QoS) necessary for VoIP. To learn more about WhatsUp Gold, download a free trial or to make a purchase visit: http://www.whatsupgold.com/products/download/
SDI Networks is an innovative systems integration firm who provides its customers with "one hand to shake" for all of their technology needs. Bringing best-of-breed vendors together with the industry's most talented sales and engineering force, SDI offers a suite of services that is second to none. While providing a consultative, "solutions-focused" approach, SDI Networks offers services that cover every layer of the OSI Network Model. Visit www.sdinetworks.com for more information.