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My father always told me I had a beautiful soul, but I now know that he was lying. I know because of the noises people make when they see it, their lame compliments and that contrite tone in their voice that says it all: "Such a pathetic soul and blind as well, you poor, poor thing". Not that they would ever actually speak the words.
Every time I get turned down for yet another job or they again rejects my request for new eyes I get to hear some new, clever justification. But I know it is because of my soul. And I really can't blame anyone but myself. I don't need to see my soul to know how hollow I am, how devoid of dreams and motivation. They say most blind people hone their hearing to perfection. Ferti even told me about a blind boy from way-back-when who mastered some form of echolocation; For my part I just stumble through a world of nothing, clumsy and awkward.
On most days I find the knowledge that we are utterly insignificant flickers in a cosmos of light very reassuring.
I shouldn't whinge; given the circumstances I guess I really am lucky. I have a job at the local Records, my lovely girlfriend Nefertiti is still sticking with me and I actually own a small apartment above the line of darkness – not that that has any real meaning for me. Many around here remember my father and take pity on his poor blind son. A Party undersecretary may not be paid well, but it sure is a nice way to make people feel they owe you a favour.
My greatest blessing is Nefertiti, or Ferti as she likes to be called – she hates "Nefi" with a passion and doesn't care for "Nefertiti"; I guess having the most common name on the entire planet does that to you. But it suits her perfectly, she is beautiful beyond doubt. Her skin is silky and warm, her hands tender and arousing, and her voice has a magic all to its own. The mind matches the body: Her impressive education and her genuine compassion for the downtrodden have been beautiful inspiration; Occasionally, when the realization that I may be one of the downtrodden strikes, it also hurts a bit.
For obvious reasons we don't talk about our souls, but I once overheard her friends chat about how pleasantly complex and harmonious hers is. In some ways I am happy that I will likely never see for myself.
To me it feels like I am stuck in the past, left behind decades before I was even born, trapped forever in the darkness of the Forties. Perhaps I really am the only one on Earth who cannot marvel at the incandescent holographic miracle of the manifest soul, the greatest wonder of human genius and technology.
So I have begun to study. Where others gaze in dumbfound amazement I have to read and listen; And our past holds more surprises than I would have thought possible. Who out there even knows that the very first Manifester experiments happened only seventy years ago? That means that just seven decades ago no one believed in the soul. It seems so unbelievable now; For most of history humanity was aware of the soul and then we just stopped knowing.
The years after the Kline Experiments must have been strange and glorious time, so full of hope and grandeur. Sure, we could no longer deny that all living things have souls, but what were their flickers to our blazing beacons? For a decade humanity could truly believe in its unique magnificence, its rightful supremacy.
But my study of this era has also left a taste of dread in my mind. We now take it for granted that the soul will remain after we die. That unfortunately is by no means the natural state of things. Observing the souls of the dying was of course one of the first things that the Manifester was used for. Most remained after death as they do today, but a few faded, just like the souls of animals and plants do. The ones that dissipated shared one characteristic: while alive they had not seen their own soul. Back then there was some speculation whether salvation depended on seeing the soul or mere knowledge of it, but I have not found the answer in any file. And nowadays there is no one left on the planet who hasn't seen their soul; No one except for myself; And perhaps a few other unlucky ones.
I guess it wouldn't really be all too difficult to find research on what happens to the souls of the blind, but I must admit I am too afraid to feel myself down that road.
Yesterday Chand, my boss at Records, told me something that has left me in deep ruminations. I had of course heard of the vagrant workers that toil away in the underfactories far below the line of darkness, desperately close to the dirt. I always assumed that after a few years of work they would be granted citizenship. Chand gave me a different story. He says that there is a an unwritten Party guideline to evict them after four years and ten months, just a few fleeting weeks short of automatically being granted citizenship by right of Law. It would mean that those poor souls are working themselves to the bone, often literally, only to be thrown back into the Burning Land.
I need to learn more. Not that I doubt Chand; After the Catastrophes and after all we have learnt, human life certainly has become very disposable. But could the Party, with its strong Gaian roots, its firm commitment to the Earth and the people, really allow such a monstrosity?
Then again, the spiritual roots of the Party is another one of those things that no one seems to care about these days. But how can we forget that it was the construction of the first Very Large Manifster Array that also forged the Party.
Yes, it was the founders of the Party that built the Calgary VLMA; For no other reason than to prove that the Earth has a soul. It is not quite as silly as it sounds today. If you just spin the Kline Theorem to its natural end it inevitably leads you to just that conclusion. How shocked they must have been when all they saw was a few lonely, jumbled sparkling clouds; No real soul and not even a flicker of consciousness.
It all turned out to be true! The facts were actually right at my fingertips. All I needed to do was check the ID card database. Only a hundred new cards were issued to non-citizens all of last year. A hundred! Tens of thousands stream out of the Burning Land every year, full of dreams and aspirations, ready to work themselves half-to-death, even to die for our well-being. We promise them a path to citizenship. We give them contracts. We feed them hope to fuel their efforts. Then we pull it all right out from underneath them. And when they then blow up a solar collector field we call them monstrous blasphemers and send out the bomber swarms. It makes me want to puke.
I think that Ferti is as incensed I am by all of this, but of course she is much calmer and more measured than I could ever be. She reminded me that modern life is full of contradictions and injustice; that there is no point in blind rage and that only wise and deliberate action has any hope of making the world a better place. While I know that she is right I nonetheless cannot help but feel like a moth, entranced by the comforting warmth of the flame of righteous wrath.
When I next met Chand to talk over my discoveries and to voice Ferti's admonishments he felt almost eerily calm. Sure he did not need to be convinced, but I can't shake the feeling that he already has a plan. But if he does, why doesn't he just tell me? The idea of him hatching some secret, perhaps even illegal, scheme excites me far more than it should. Also, I could not shake off the inkling that he was not at all happy that I had told Ferti; But probably I just got the entirely wrong impression from our conversation.
Since we last spoke Ferti undertook some investigations of her own. What she has learned has cast me into terrible doubt. One moment I am filled with fury, the next feeling like an idiot. I should have known that I am not up to messing with politics.
Ferti discovered that the Council of Citizenship Affairs is well aware of the situation and is already conducting an inquest. But the real shock is that according to them the underfactories have been infiltrated by the Bratva. They are said to offer the vagrant workers fake ID cards in exchange for stolen goods from the factories. Those who take the deal are either caught and deported or end up in the clutches of the Bratva and are forced to join a gang or into prostitution. In the last few years the situation has gotten so bad that they had to clamp down pretty hard. Nonetheless, the Council is actively examining if the Law has gone too far.
On SUNday Apo, a friend of mine, is going to take me to the new pyramid in the Yoon District. A day of quite meditation will hopefully give me a chance to gather my roiling thoughts and feelings.
I know that my helpless frustration at history is good for nothing, but it just seems hard to justify that the UN did not see the signs when they began work on the Sector Siberia. After their food war Russia was so obviously being run by criminals that the easiest way to determine political affiliation was to check the proudly displayed mob tattoos; And ever since the Bratva has been bullet, police and policy proof. From what I heard they have now even spread to Sector Patagonia and Sector Antarctica.
The pyramid was wonderful. The crystal must be a perfect cut. The SUN's rays pierced straight into my sorry soul, flooding me with celestial energy. It was a moment of perfect serenity and clarity. No matter how chocking the Bratva's hold on the vagrant workers is, they deserve better. And if they are bound to end up as prostitutes or thugs anyway there really is no excuse for not helping them.
The moment is gone now and doubts are again beginning to creep up on me. I really hope that Nefertiti will come to the same conclusion.
I was right about Chand! He pulled me aside to talk in private after I offhandedly mentioned my visit to the pyramid. At first he was very cautious. I heard him shift about nervously as he told me that he considers me a "Good man with a noble heart" – Those words left me awash in a sea of blissful self-indulgence. And then without warning the questions started; Never in my life have I been so thoroughly interrogated about anything. I gather that he wanted to be absolutely and completely certain of my dedication to the cause. It almost felt like I had passed a college exam when he finally confided his plan.
It is as crazy as I had feared – and hoped – it would be, a byzantine scheme that will have the Party bureaucracy dancing like our puppet. A puppet that will hand out ID cards to vagrant workers with a smile and handshake. The best part: It would certainly not work without some of my clearances. I had never really thought about how much power my job bestows upon me; And to my shame I tingle with exhilaration.
Chand made me promise that I will not tell Ferti. It's hardly surprising that he wouldn't trust her, but naturally I am torn. The entire plot is so extreme that I cannot really imagine getting fully onboard without her council and approval; But I swore.
When Chand insisted that I give my word I almost swore by the SUN. Old habits die hard. Usually I consider myself well adapted to the new cosmos we live in, but the rubs of reality easily trip my mind, sending it slipping down the slope of time, straight into childhood. Or maybe it is crawling off to hide itself in a blanket of memory, a time when I did not know that my soul was worthless and that almost every other sector-dwelling blind person had long been blessed with artificial eyes.
It takes me back: I can hear my father's voice clearly, feel his gentle touch when he in reverent tones revealed to me the history of how humanity had peered through the veil of divinity and beheld GOD. He tells it as a majestic tale full of twists and tribulations; But in the end, somehow, a VLMA was constructed in the Rome IV moon base; And its conical eye set the machine's unrelenting gaze upon the SUN.
Obviously I cannot truly appreciate the magnificence of that moment. But think about how must have been like for people back in those days. The soul of the SUN, for the first time. That infinite blaze of endless intricate complexity, patterns within patterns, a perfect chaos, always shifting, a new wonder every second, the smallest speck a miracle of incomprehensible beauty; The whole a theophany of such terrible splendour that a billion eyes could not take it all in, for all eternity in impeccable harmony.
Yes, I have learnt my words well. But what else is there for me. So often my hands have groped through the hologram, a child lost in darkness, grasping at the blackness in hope of catching but a glimmer of reassuring light. Nothing is all I ever get.
So I am lost in thought. Is the risk worth it? How often can we cheat the system like that? Certainly we won't be solving the problem. Should I really care about people I have never met? People that may very well be all too eager to join the Bratva?
When I finally fell asleep I became prey, hunted and devoured; persecuted and punished. It is all too obvious that I am very afraid. I know the precipice lurks just of reach, but one wrong step and I will slip and it will consume me.
I know all too well how effortlessly chaos and madness can become the obliging companions of those who see a higher calling, who dream of changing the world.
Who could have imagined how close to the abyss seeing the divine would lure us? Then again, the revelations manifested before us were as apocalyptic as we had ever faced; First the soul of the SUN, then the realization that in some unfathomable way it thinks and feels.
Yes, we had found GOD. There was no doubt in anyone's mind. Most everyone who wasn't dying forgot about the Catastrophes and either went religious or placed all their faith in the psychists, as they ever so vainly tried to decode the soul of the SUN. Many did both.
It was a fashion of the time to believe that the SUN was speaking to us. People would gaze, enthralled, at the Manifester image for hours and dream up all kinds of messages and commands. The craziest buffoons would stare into the SUN until their eyes burned out.
It was those strange days that gave us all the cathedrals, pyramids, mastabas and ziggurats that can be found clinging to every part of the sector that will hold them. Just makes me wonder how many more home blocks could have been built, how many more lives could have been saved. And then there are the Giza and Cusco launch centres. Most people around here seem to have forgotten about them, but souls, along with their dead bodies, are still being shot into the SUN every month. All for the fool's hope of some grand unification, some forced apotheosis. Probably their souls linger in space, lost in the infinite light when their bodies are vaporized – then again that may not be the worst of fates.
Probably I am just bitter and petty, how can the few years of life measure up to the infinity of the soul. We can always take care of the dead, does how they lived really matter? If only I had more hopes for my own afterlife.
Just more reasons to do the right thing with this life. I have the chance to make things right and no matter how brutally I bend reason to batter my conscience there is no escaping that it is what I must do. The realization burns the thick cotton that had dulled my mind. The pathways of my thoughts are open now. I do not delude myself: I will play only a small role, be a follower not a leader; Nevertheless, for someone like me it is so much more than I could have ever dared to hope. It is a door that I simply must open. The dangers are undeniable, but how can I turn away from those people, away from Chand and away from Nefertiti, even though she may never learn of my deeds.
Ferti came to visit me today and everything is spiralling; my confusion and guilt have grown into ever-obliging bedfellows. Of course I should want to tell her; But when I sit there knowing what I will soon do, I feel as if I am growing. I can literally feel my entire body and mind expand as her idle chatter washes over me.
No wonder someone with a soul like mine would be so petty. The only thing that really scares me is that I can feel that the true source of this arrogant delight radiating from within the deepest reaches of my being. I know that when all is said and done I of course can't be a very decent person, but feeling so good about knowing something Ferti doesn't is just cheap and ungrateful; All the more reason to let virtuous deeds balance selfish thoughts.
After Ferti left I called Chand and told him I was ready to assist. He will explain all remaining details tomorrow.
When he finally arrived and began his exposition I was absolutely rapt. My entire body took in every word. When he had finished all my giddiness had washed out of me and determination had solidified in its place. I must have sat there in silence for far too long, because Chand's next words "So you have doubts?" were more a statement than a question. I sat there in solid silence, wanting to move, to speak, but somehow unable. "What troubles you?" he asked then and it felt wonderful to tell him "Nothing", knowing that it was one of the truest things I have ever said.
Chand will procure our list of names by Wednesday, then we can go ahead on Friday. By next Monday over three-thousand women and men from the Burning Land will be granted what should have been theirs by Law and propriety. Chand will be their champion and I will be with him.
Finally Friday. When Chand arrived we examined our plan one last time, made sure we hadn't missed any hidden snares or pitfalls and then it began. I felt as if I were a master surgeon. Every flick of my fingers, every voice command, even every loosening of my hands and back was like a carefully choreographed performance. Everything seemed to happen for a purpose, it all was perfect.
The names have been inserted, the orders activated, the letters dispatched. All wheels are set in motion. I am sitting in silence, stunned by the magnificence. Slowly shakes are beginning to crawl up my spine as the floodgates of anxiety unleash my pent up tension. But it is done now.
Chand is diligently following every twitch and shudder of the bureaucracy, but so far so good. No one seems to have taken any notice of the fact that for once the vagrant workers have been given what was promised. I feel at ease.
I dream in the wonderful warmth of childhood memories. But even in sleep something is nagging. That nagging human itch. In nightmares I lament it: Had humanity only never looked beyond the SUN, it could have been so perfect. Perfect like my first memories, living in a world of hope; Religion had been tamed, the sectors completed and the Catastrophes were over. I was going to lead a good life.
But of course humanity had to look. I would be hopelessly at a loss, should I be asked to explain how we did it; Something about infinitesimal space inflation and other things I don't know the first thing about. The results however I, like every other human being, understand all too well.
Fifteen years ago the Amun-Aten telescope succeeded in the incredible feat of manifesting the soul of Proxima Centauri. It should have been so very obvious. Of course other stars had souls. But we had been ignorant as always, obsessed with our desire to be exceptional, driven by our delusion that in an infinite cosmos we can have meaning.
Certainly, the limits of our technology allow us to do no more than manifest fading fragments of stars' souls; But even the tiniest slivers of Rho Cassiopeia's bursting soul leave those who see them petrified with awe beyond sanity. A hundred sextillion souls of incomprehensible magnitude inhabit the universe. What remains for humanity? Anything? Perhaps we should set out to worship our own insignificance.
Maybe, if we were a better species we would look up every night in blissful wonder, enthralled by the enchanted cosmos we have the privilege to be a part of.
Instead we simply gave up. It was not a collapse like some now like to claim. Nothing from the turn of the century would give that impression. No, it was a slow malignant decline that overpowered more and more of our very humanity year after year. We know we are irrelevant and simply cannot cope.
No! It can't be! It just can't. Chand must have got it wrong. No! No! No! I am fumbling about, my hands flitting here and there, desperately hoping to grope a miracle ladder that will take me away. "They know what happened." Chand had been breathless and panicked, just as I am now. How very, very wrong I have been. I guess it's only downhill for me from now on.
Behind the curtain of panic that has wrapped itself around my stomach I still think that we have done good. This will certainly not end well for me; My life as I knew it is most likely over, but at least I did right by many, oh so many people who needed my help. All I can do is hope that they realize what is happening and stay out of Law's grasp.
The commissars came to arrest me only hours after Chand called. Of course they manifested my soul during interrogation. From what of their chatter I overheard I am surprised that they didn't convict me on the spot. They questioned me for what seemed like hours. The intensity of the situation and the unfamiliar voices left me teetering at the edge of sanity the whole time. Still I managed to claw onto enough of my equilibrium to keep my mouth shut throughout most of the ordeal. I freely admitted my own guilt, they seemed to know all about it anyway; But I made damned sure they did not learn from me that Chand was the mastermind behind the plot. If we are going down, I will not be the one to cushion my fall by landing on the man who had made it all possible.
It was tough to conceal information when all of my lies would have been exposed immediately, but I think I did rather well. In one way the monitoring of my soul has been a blessing: They were obviously suspecting Ferti. When I told them that she knew nothing and had been in no way involved that unimaginable horrific doom was immediately dispelled.
It has only been four days and I am already headed for court. Only once did I have a few short minutes to talk to Nefertiti. When I heard her voice I almost felt like the longing would rip right out of my throat. Then and there I knew for a few moments that I had made a tremendous mistake. The words themselves have all become a blur in my memory, only the emotions still burn bright. I so long to touch her again.
With a little distance and time to reflect I have fortunately been able to take in the entirety of my actions. And I would do it again. Thousands will not be unjustly banished to the Burning Land or worse, snatched by the Bratva. I made a difference and that is all I could have hoped for.
The trial on the other hand is strangely boring. Even though my future fate is being decided the endless legal litany wore me down. After the sixth day I just stopped caring. I had confessed to everything, but refused to implicate my compatriot so there really wasn't much to mull over. My duty counsel disappointingly declined to make an issue out of the suffering of the vagrant workers. I know it is silly, but on the first day I dreamed of making the trial about the Party's policies; It just might have turned my capture into a pyrrhic victory of sorts.
Instead my counsel is portraying me as a slightly deranged and pathetic freak, driven into crime and corruption by a manipulative boss and a misplaced desire to vindicate his pitiable soul. While I cannot completely deny the last point, the rest of his strategy is just despicable. The first few days of the trial I had to clench my fists and curl my toes to not leap up and scream in helpless outrage. I loathe that I was barred from choosing my own defender on grounds of being a Party employee.
But all that rage has faded. Now all I feel is the coldness of my seat and the oppressing monotony of the courtroom proceeding. Going back to my holding cell in the evening is almost a breath of fresh air.
My entire body is a sloshing cesspool of misery. The trial has ended and I am going to jail. It is a short sentence given the circumstances; A mere three years in lockup. They took pity on the blind man and his wretched soul. Who cares? They caught most of the vagrant workers. They stripped them of their ID cards and instead of even giving them the chance of returning to their work deported them on what must have been trumped up charges of cooperating with the Bratva to get their citizenship.
Only a few hundred or so made off into the sector. But they're on the run now; hardly the free life they deserved. It should have been obvious that this would happen the moment I heard Chand's panicked voice on the phone, but I must have blocked the realization from my mind in a vain attempt to keep my sanity.
When I said goodbye to Ferti the icy shards of broken hope cut the last strings of my heart. Now I am sitting in my cell feeling sorry for myself, sorry for the vagrants and sorry for sorrow's sake. What remains, but emptiness?
Days and weeks and months of hopeless confinement. Ferti visits whenever she can, but we are growing distant. She says she is proud of what I have done, but I can feel that she thinks I made a horrible mistake. But that is only the start of it. When we meet I just can't help myself. One moment I firmly clinging to her and next I sit slumped in morose silence. I feel like some manic-depressive monkey baby meeting its mother for the first time. She still puts up with it, but if I were her I would have long given up on me.
While I am in as depressed a frame of mind and heart as I have ever been I must admit that the guards and my fellow inmates are treating me very well. I was so preoccupied with the capture of the vagrant workers that it never occurred to me that prison can be a very dangerous place for a helpless blind-man.
The last few days I have been trying to find out what fate has befallen Chand, but I have been less than successful. Neither the guards, nor any of the inmates I got a hold of, nor Ferti had heard anything beyond vague rumours. The only snippet of information I was able to gather came from one of my cellblock guards. He told me that my co-conspirator had received some sort of unusual treatment. I fear he may have fallen into the atrocious mills of the Anti-Sedition Court. They certainly were threatening me with that ridiculous, yet all too real danger during my initial interrogation.
Wherever he may be now all I can do is hope. It is not the first time since my arrest that I feel almost overwhelmed by the wish to be free; Free not only in body, but free also in spirit of the soul-chilling knowledge that no higher power in the cosmos cares for my prayers.
Ferti has a new man. I knew it would happen. It is no surprise. It hurts. In fact I am numb. Empty. My isolation is complete. I am alone.
Misery attracts suffering. I was standing outside my cell when suddenly I felt myself rushing toward the ground. As the jolt of impact crashed into my arms I realized pain radiating from my calf. I had been kicked! My world spun. Desperately I tried to scream for help, to struggle. But before I could move or make a sound my head was violently forced into the cement floor. The last thing I remember was a garbled sound and bloody spittle escaping my lips.
When I next woke I was on my back on what I could only assume to be a hospital bed. My mind was a dreary haze of pain, despair and misery all dulled by a merciful drug-bliss radiating from the core of my brain.
I later learned that the man who attacked me had recently himself been the victim of vicious beating. Obviously he had been looking for an easy victim to vent his frustration. They don't come any better than me. Happy to oblige. Asshole.
At least the gaping rage that began devouring me left me in a pit too deep to contemplate my misery. It carried me all through the rest of my sentence. At first it was directed, a burning blade pointed at my loathsome assailant. Then it became legion; An unending eruption of fury against all the world's injustices. Especially those committed against me.
It would be so easy for me to chide myself for my adolescent anger. To berate my futile desires for revenge; But they gave me warmth in the coldest days of my unjust imprisonment. Paths healthier for mind and spirit were perhaps open to me, but I simply did not have the fortitude or drive to take any other route.
After they released me the prison delegated the duty of guiding me to Horem, one of the guards from my block and a kind man. He led me to one of the main elevators that would take us past the only ground I have ever known; past that two-hundred meter high platform and into the world of skyscrapers and underfactories that serve as its pillars. I was heading below the line of darkness to become one of the teeming and huddled masses of the sector.
At least I would not be suffering from the lack of SUNlight that breaks so many who are forced to exist in this dank twilight. However, I soon discovered that the world below is full of unique pitfalls for the blind. Broken stairs, wet floors, unrepaired walkways and an endless array of other traps made my life in the undercity a constant stumbling journey that left me with new bruises every week.
Without Horem's aid and the kind and enduring help of Pieter I would have almost certainly found myself in an emergency room or the morgue within the first week. Pieter I met on the way into my "apartment" – cubicle or closet would probably do it more justice, but that is fine by me. He is an aging, burly repairman who takes care of the pipes that run to and from the sector above. When Horem asked him to have an eye on me he almost immediately agreed. Ever since he has been the most profound and amazing help I could have ever wished for.
I don't really know why he is being so kind; He has dropped hints that it has something to do with family, but he seems reluctant to talk about the details and I certainly won't push him. Whatever the reason, I cannot express how thankful I am too him. After so many disappointments and so much rage he is like a warm hearth.
My hate has subsided quickly. Pieter's compassion and the pressures of adjusting to my new life left little room for mindless fury. I do not really know what has replaced it. My feelings are an impenetrable mystery to me. Mostly I am confused, but occasionally fear, elation, depression, serenity and other jumbled emotions that I can't place quell up inside, only to fade moments later. Perhaps I am going insane. Then again, after all I've been through I just may need a time to adjust.
Of course I can't find a job. I am living entirely off the sector's public services. It is a bare minimum and I cannot claim that I do not miss many amenities, but I am doing alright for now. Prison life has prepared me well and an austere existence is as good a way as any to help me fully focus inward, to give me a chance to calm that storm that swept my life away.
So much for calming. Ferti visited today. After our last meeting I am almost touched that she made the effort to find me. Back in prison I had said things that I cannot but regret now.
She wouldn't say it outright, but it was all too obvious that she is very content with her life. While she did her best to show concern for me, her skin almost glowed with elation. It stung like a hot needle and even though I know I should be happy for her, I simply cannot summon the strength. So I sat and listened, alone in darkness; An hour of longing and trying to fight the urge to scream at the injustices of a cold, cruel world.
In the end she offered me help. Had she been able to give me a job I fear that I would have gladly dropped any pretence of pride, but Ferti's offer of money did not even begin to tempt me to approach that slope. We said our goodbyes knowing that it would probably be years before we met again, if ever.
As painful as the meeting was it gave me a sense of closure. When I told Pieter he immediately brought over a good old fashioned bottle of vodka to commiserate. While I have come to suspect that my jovial companion and saviour drinks far too much synthol I could hardly turn down this offer; Nor did I really want to. It was great. We got pissed to the point of no return. We hollered songs, took babbling turns giving each other rousing speeches for popular revolution, decried all the evils of the world and wept about our cosmic insignificance.
By the end of the evening he had heard my story. He liked my tale and was overjoyed at the idea of sticking it to the Bratva – It must have been the vodka, it takes more than a few leaps to get that out of my sorry misadventure.
He was drunk enough to tell me that his brother had gone blind at age four. His family were destitute underfactory labourers who had almost bankrupted themselves to pay for restorative surgery. The cost for the treatment spiralled out of control when it was discovered that the source of the blindness was a degenerative disorder, likely caused by some form of industrial poisoning. In the end they could do nothing but watch him die as he stared back with sightless eyes full of dull agony.
As he told me his story a profound glowing sympathy and appreciation began to merge with the vodka's warm nausea.
It was an end and a beginning, even if I did awaken to an apartment smelling of booze and vomit. I guess it is much too late now to wish for a clean life.
I find myself searching for some form of salvation. Before my life was literally shoved down a hole I always considered myself surprisingly well adjusted to this new era of star souls and the inescapable revelation of humanity's irrelevance. That equilibrium has left me. Perhaps it had always been blissful ignorance. I certainly have no ambitions of getting myself lost in some foolish quest to reclaim the illusion of human supremacy, but I cannot but wish to find some deeper spark of fulfilment.
It could of course be that I have stepped into the first stage of apathy; That I will soon discover that there is no escaping the yawning infinity of space; That I am following the ahsen tracks left by the rest of humanity. Perhaps it was just my inability to face the wonder of the star souls that has led me to become a straggler, a tardy traveller down into the pit of cosmic desolation.
Yet I cannot stop myself. Like all humans even a blind man just has to look, even if the burning light of what I learn may char my heart and mind.
Pieter and I have grown much closer. He has revealed to me that the Bratva has forced him to tap wires, sabotage the power supply and even to occasionally send illicit goods through a series of secret pipes. "Forced" he said was actually too strong a word, he had never even considered saying "No!". But I have inspired him! When they next ask he will not acquiesce.
After Pieter left for the day I felt flush with pride and hope. My journey had given me the chance to touch someone's life. Perhaps only in a small way, but touched for good. My path may have sense after all.
Two weeks have passed and the hope Pieter has kindled is blazing fiercely. Delving into the depths of web archives I unearthed an article by Dr. Sima herself. She had watched the souls of everyone in her laboratory during a five year period. Her careful observations led to a startling conclusion: Souls can change! Dr. Sima was able to study the souls of three individuals who were forced to face severe life-crises. The complexity and beauty of two of the souls seemed to diminish as their life was broken. The soul of a young lab-worker who lost many friends and an arm in a hurricane amazingly seemed improved.
I do not need to be told that the very idea contradicts all science and conventional wisdom. Suggesting that the human soul is malleable challenges so many axioms of the psychical sciences, so many years of careful study by the wisest people on Earth, that it cannot be true.
And that is why I have decided to place all my hope in this chance to change my soul. It will be my faith; my extraneous fool's hope against the infinity of an uncaring cosmos.
A thundering crack; the sound of splintering wood. I frantically turn, my hands grasping for the phone button as I realize that my door has been forced open. Adrenaline speeds my arm and I find my finger pushing "call" far quicker than I would imagined possible. But too slow. A rush of air to my face heralds the crushing impact that knocks me sprawling to the ground. Seconds seem to pass in which I hear and feel nothing. Then the pain hits. My face is burning with agony. Blood spills freely from my brow. The horrifying taste of my own life fills my mouth as my eyes blink frantically.
Panic sharpens my senses. I hear heavy footsteps next to me. Voices slowly fade into my ear as the booming drone that I hadn't even registered subsides. "That's the blind fucker alright. Get him up!" A heavy hand grabs my hair and rips me to my feet. I smell alcohol and sweat; And my own fear. Aggression presses on my shoulders even as I am forced to stand. "You cripple got yourself all the wrong friends, ey?" Before I can answer or question he blurts on "That fucker Pieter sure likes to talk! Drunk fuck! But talking is one thing, ey? Refusing the Grandfather, that's just stupid ain't it?" I reel as a fist digs its way into the pit of my stomach "Answer fuck! Ain't it?" I wring for air and sense. "Good that he talks. Slobbers all around the zone that he knows a fuckin' hero of the people. Says he knows one the fuckers who screwed up a solemn, signed and paid for deal three years ago. Says it in more words. But we remember, ey?" The hands leave me and I sway; Blood and panic. "Now we're going to fuck you up good! It's a teaching exercise, ey? You learn that we remember and that failures got to be atoned for; And Pieter gets a little lesson on doing the right thing. He'll just love seeing what his little mutiny did to his crippled fuck of a friend, ey?" With that I feel the rush of air on my arm. I try to block, try to dodge; uncoordinated. Cold iron crushes my elbow. The sickening noise almost makes me vomit as I stumble to the left. Pain is held back by shock. "Ey!" he shouts it as a warcry.
Then everything slows. The pain and fear spill from my body. I steady myself. "Out." I hear myself declare. It resounds, more a statement than a command. My index finger traces a line to the broken door. Vigorous life quickens my body and mind.
The force of the word compels my assailants backward. Both take one step and then another.
Then the spell breaks. "What the fuck!" I barely feel the blow to my body. "What the fuck!" Another blow to my already wounded arm. I flinch, yet my left arm remains outstretched. "Stop, fuck!" fear is in his voice now. A blow to my chest. Hard. I feel a rib snap. "You blind fuck! Who do you think you are?" I long to say so much. A torrent of answers rushes toward my mouth. "I am" is all that I say. Every other reply had rescinded itself.
"Shut the fuck up! Shut up!" I hear him scream as he pounds my skull in a slow drumming rhythm. It is wonderfully peaceful. I lay down. And die.
My soul is before me. I perceive it for the first time. Spirit flows through my essence like a deep breath. My mind stretches to touch its soul. I flow through it as if it were a hologram, a mere illusion. The last slivers of shuddering life stab me with a final burst of panic.
Then realization dawns. My soul opens, more portal than entity, a flickering afterimage of a Whole. It unravels and reveals. Vastness surrounds me. Infinity and wonder above, beyond, below, within; time flows in circles, slowly swinging back and forth. i am the tiniest iota in an eternal cosmic ocean. Wonderful surrender is all that remains. Everything that is left of me fades as Fulfilment beyond imagining embraces.
United with All. Beginningless, endless, more vast than all universes, within the heart of every particle. Everything.


text:
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You guys! I am writing this to you from a Starbucks in Anaheim, CA! Took a break from conference stuff today, or rather my feet took a break! Man they were killing me yesterday. Tonight we are going to see Andy Grammar and possibly dinner with friends!
Being here feels so inspiring! The air we are breathing is sweet and you can't look anywhere without seeing a palm tree-not an exaggeration. Check out my Insta stories if you want to hear my every random thought while on this trip (that might be an exaggeration)
Speaking of inspiring, today is about wine COLOR. Not 21 yet folks. This color used to be called burgundy but somehow that feels really old school these days. Modernizing anything is about taking that thing into a new context. While we used to put this color all over walls and curtains, designers and brands are expanding its use to feel glamorous and down-to-earth at the same time. Think Scandi-Parisian
Source: 1|2|3
I believe there are a few reasons why this color has risen to popularity. #1 Since millennial pink has pretty much taken over the internet there is a natural need to find a complimentary color. This wine color is the tonal counterpart to pink, meaning it isn't the opposite but it is the contrasting color of the same family. #2 Wine/burgundy is a jewel tone which means that it lends itself really well to velvet, given the reflective quality that velvet can have, and velvet is an extremely popular texture in design right now.. This one isn't as strong of a reason but is more of an added bonus.
Source: 1|2|3|4|5|6
Source: 1|2|3|4|5
Update: I had to leave that Starbucks because they had no outlets and my computer was dying, so I went to another Starbucks and their wifi was out! So I have finally settled at The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf which has both outlets, wifi, and good coffee, thank goodness! Bonus: it is right by the convention! My, my, that was stressful!


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- Kelly Apter
- 21 September 2011
Poignant adaptation of the grim Northern English fable
This sensitive stage version of Barry Hines' award-winning book opens with utter chaos on stage. Tables lie on their sides, a sofa is upturned, and remnants of 1970s life are strewn amongst them. The central conceit of the adaptation is that a grown-up Billy Casper has returned to observe his 15-year-old self. It's all just a memory, which is why the house is in such a jumble. But of course, it also works wonderfully as a metaphor for Billy's entire existence.
Bullied by his brother, neglected by his mother and thrashed by his egomaniacal headteacher, Billy has a giant hole in his life where love, hope and security should be. Until, that is, he finds a baby kestrel in a nest and slowly learns to train and care for it, ploughing all his hitherto unused love into this small, feathery friend.
Actors Sean Murray and James Anthony Pearson have their work cut out, sustaining 70 minutes of non-stop action on their own. But Pearson's rendition of the troubled teenager is poignancy itself, while Murray switches from mum to brother to sports coach to shop keeper as if nothing is outside his range.
Tron Theatre, Glasgow, Thu 29 Sep– Sat 1 Oct and on tour.


text:
Terry Noble
Consultant - Energy & Utilities & Renewables
work +44 (0) 207 529 6325
Terry takes time to ensure he fully understands the requirements of both the hiring company and the candidates involved. Having worked with him over the past three years, his enthusiasm and drive to deliver the right results for all parties make him a joy to work with and I trust his abilities to put forward the best candidates for the job. Following appointment, he is always on hand to support and assist and he has been invaluable in helping me in my career path.
Fiona MacLeod is the Global Head of Business Development at Swire Oilfield Services.
20 Cannon Street


text:
Ok, folks – I said I'd tell you today what I had for a gluten-laden snack last week.
I'm not proud of my spur-of-the-moment choice, not at all.
Any of the other choices would have been better except the KFC meal – I'll never, ever eat commercially-produced chicken again. Ever. The only meat I will consume comes from one family, Creswick Farms.
The item I ate on Friday was… the Little Debbie Swiss Rolls.
Mom and I had had an especially bad day, and I desperately wanted something sweet, cakey, and generally horrible for me. A quick injection of sugar and chocolate. And there they were.
By "and there they were," I mean, "and there they were in the appropriate aisle of the store I went into for the express purpose of obtaining them."
I didn't grow up eating Little Debbie anythings – we were a Hostess family when we got those sorts of treats. I only discovered Swiss Rolls much, much later in life. The first hit of sugary, creamy, chocolatey goodness on my tongue is more powerful than drugs. It taps directly into the pleasure center of my brain and does a dance on it.
So there you have it. Yes, the loaf of bread or pint of Hopslam would have been far better choices, but I crumbled. I went for the uber-processed, absolutely awful treat.
Next time, I'll choose something more awesome.
Sadly, no one won the prize – you all gave me far too much credit for making a less infantile selection.
I'll come up with another contest soon to make up for it. 😉


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Body positivity.
Right now, these two words are invoking dichotomous emotional responses all over the internet.
And rightfully so. With so many social media apps at our fingertips, a typical user is greeted with an avalanche of new content each time their smartphone is habitually checked throughout the day.
For the average user of social media, it's not uncommon to approach this technology with the following point of view:
I want to portray the absolute best version of myself.
My profile can be viewed by my friends, co-workers and complete strangers.
It also integrates nicely with <insert dating app du jour>; so why would I want to be seen as anything less than my absolute best… and more?
This is understandable, and is akin to a watered down version of peacocking as a means to extract the most amount of attention and positive feedback from your audience.
Fortunately, most of us realize (either through personal experience, or through stories) that men and women alike are not always completely truthful when it comes to self-promotion.
Especially online.
So how do we, the viewers of this content, react to it?
Social Media and Your Emotional State
I now implore you to step back for a minute and think about when you're most likely to scroll through a social media feed.
Here are some examples that come to mind:
When you wake up.
Morning commute to work.
Waiting in line.
While eating a meal.
At the gym (bad!)
Before you go to bed.
From these examples, I'm unlikely to be in what I would a call a peak emotional state.
I doubt you would be either.
Unsure what I mean? Consider how you feel while doing each of the activities above. Speaking from experience, I'm certainly not a beacon of elation while sitting patiently on a train, or waiting in lines when I'd rather be elsewhere.
Now, couple a social media feed brimming with ostentatious user content with your emotional state at the time.
Be honest – Does scrolling through your feed make you feel better or worse about yourself? What value does it add to your day?
Body Image Trends Across Social Media
I believe that the combination of carefully curated user content (seen in our feeds), and our emotional states at the time, spawns these widely publicized "body image trends" across social media.
In other words, we have a tendency to focus on the physical achievements of others in lieu of embarking upon a path of relentless self-improvement.
One such example is the notion of "body positivity" or "body neutrality" that has been steadily gaining traction across all forms of social media since the halfway point of 2016.
Body posi… what?
Here's one interpretation:
…The term [body positivity] represents this wild idea that all bodies are good bodies. All bodies are worthy of self love, self care, and acceptance. All bodies are allowed to feel beautiful, regardless of their color or jean size or health status or how attractive you personally find them to be.
I'd like to focus on the words I've bolded above: health status.
First, I'm going to make it abundantly clear that my intention is not to target specific people. Rather, I intend to target the specific idea that runs against the grain of what doctors would unanimously consider as "healthy".
I believe that under the guise of body positivity, we're steadfast in our self-conviction that having a lackluster attitude towards our health is fine, as long as we accept ourselves for it.
In other words, with respect to our health and fitness, I feel this is rationalising a sense of self-defeat.
Loudly proclaiming how "body positive" you are while vitriolically retorting at naysayers does not make you any healthier.
We do not exist in a vacuum. By asserting that "i'm fine just the way I am" is to accept physical and mental stagnation with open arms. And you will be left to the wayside as the unyielding nature of father time marches on.
Your physical health is the most important asset in your life. You don't need to be a professional bodybuilder, a world-class sports athlete, or a person able to readily demonstrate incredible feats of strength.
All you need to do is simply look after yourself, and refuse to settle for anything less.
The Contradictory Nature of Body Positivity
When I recently saw this article, I nearly fell out of my seat.
Rachel Hollis, mother of three, shared photos of herself at the beach having fun in an attempt to show that even after several bouts of childbirth (three kids!), she's still comfortable with herself.
Unless I'm missing something, this looks like a depiction of what I would consider body positivity.
All things considered, she certainly doesn't look bad at all.
(The photo on the right was from two years ago.)
What ensued was a mixed response; ranging from positive, to snarky, to Hollis being virulently criticized.
To quote from the title of the article above, Hollis was deemed simply not "ugly enough" to warrant her positive expression of the way she looks and feels on her Facebook page.
This runs in direct contrast to my understanding of body positivity, and leads me to begin to question it entirely.
Does body positivity represent the universal idea of being comfortable in your own skin? Or are we gradually being forced to fight against layers of social caveats that govern whether or not we're worthy of positively expressing ourselves in a public realm?
Two words come to mind after having a moment to think about this.
Crab mentality.
Someone focusing on their own self-improvement would not bat an eyelid. They would read the post, think to themselves "oh cool, good on her" and continue on their own path.
I can definitely see why many people simply refuse to read the comments, regardless of the social platform.
In Closing
My advice? Ignore the noise, focus on your hobbies, and be selective with who you choose to follow. In fact, learn to consistently work on your body language to present yourself as confidently as possible.
Body image, like the definition of beauty, is one of the most subjective topics in existence. Trying to fit into the mold of what others would classify as "ideal" is an exercise in futility.
By continuing to look after yourself and ensuring you're surrounded with like-minded, driven acquaintances —you can guarantee that you're on the path to being substantially more comfortable (and healthier) than before.
And then, the beautiful part is that the notion of body positivity will be absurd to you.
Why? Because you'll embody it, and no amount of negative feedback online will be able to take that, and the work you've invested into yourself, away from you.


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I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
(song lyrics from 'Titanium' by David Guetta featuring Sia)
As I think about the past years of blogging, I realised that the majority of posts are not about my mother (NM). After all, she is the reason why I am here today (in more than one sense of the word). And it feels appropriate, oddly enough, to come back to her after some time.
My tired, tumultuous relationship with her may have begun on my birthday but my long, difficult and rewarding journey began about four years ago. Short in comparison with my actual age.
After going No Contact for five years, I broke it in the summer of 2012 (due to finding out my father was really ill). Breaking it was easier than I thought it would be. Something I hadn't expected. I guess 'easy' is a nice way of saying I survived it. It didn't kill me, it only lead to the flu the night before seeing her and then, walking pneumonia after (none of these sicknesses claimed DH). My body survived and my mind eventually healed. My soul is a work in progress.
"You can spend too long on a one-sided love." – Mrs. Patmore (Downton Abbey)
Since that summer I have seen her on each of my visits to the US. Here's a summary:
2012 (summer) – NM was dismissive; ignoring me, only addressing the questions from DH. She was hospitable and polite to him and never asked anything about us.
2012 (winter) – NM started out with her usual silent treatment. At one point she made an abusive comment about me to my father and lied about something I had done. I waited for one of her friends (that she had conned into coming over while I was there) to leave and asked her to go for a walk in the cold December air.
I chose my words, careful not to attack her. I wanted to tell her I was hurt when she said this and why. And within my first sentence she started her overt narcissism. She started attacking me. She steered the conversation to the past instead of discussing the two behaviours I was adressing and although I didn't name call or attack her, I got angry. I addressed all the past behaviours about me she brought up – like the fact that I went No Contact. It wasn't what I had wanted but I had made progress. I hadn't fallen so far down the hole that I couldn't get out. I stopped the conversation walked back to their house and said Goodbye to my father and left.
2013 (summer) – This visit included yet another 'surprise' guest (always a different person: a neighbour, a friend, a cousin) and she continued to return to her state of dismissiveness.
When I reflected on the past visits and wrote out the summary, I realised my mother treated me exactly how she did during my childhood. She treated me with constant ebbs and flows of silent treatment and verbal abuse. There was nothing surprising or different about her behaviours, nothing had changed except the years and me.
Before our recent visit, DH had never been witness to the awful things NM had said to me. In fact, he was privileged to a different mother. He saw through this and having learned so much about narcissism he could see that she failed to show actual warmth or caring or concern towards me. She never asked the question: How are you?.
2013 (winter)
NM can so easily toggle between covert narcissism to overt that it seems that it should be accompanied by a Mozart movement. It wasn't until this colder December, DH was introduced to my mother's overt narcissism. I guess she had had enough of changing masks or maybe she saw it as a chance to point out what an awful daughter I am in front of DH, feeling righteous, as now her gun was loaded with enough ammunition.
As we (DH, my father and I) were sitting in the family room drinking coffee my mother walks in to join us. An odd move as during my visits DH and I are left alone with my father (when there is no 'surprise' guest). I ask her 'How are you doing?' hoping to have a peaceful, short visit before continuing to see friends six hours away by car.
In response to 'How are you doing?' she fired away with:
'Anyway, do you know what I heard from your aunt* this morning, she was hesitating to tell me but she felt she should tell me.'
Her tirade was about the fact she didn't know that DH and I had gotten married (DH and I got married December 2012). It may seem weird but the only salvation I had in this was that DH knew it wasn't my intention to not tell her (no wedding bands were hidden). I was planning on telling her during the winter 2012 visit or during the summer 2013 visit. There wasn't a moment to tell her, the only time she sat with us is when there was an audience (of people I barely knew). Then, our fight and her ignoring me didn't seem like the ideal moment to say: btw, we are getting married. I thought about telling my father but my father with his illness goes in and out of dementia. He isn't with it (most of the time) and when he seems to be, it is difficult for him to answer: 'How are you?'.
To paraphrase, she stressed her words almost yelling:
'How could you not tell me, I mean, isn't it normal to tell your parents that you are getting married; (to DH) did you tell your parents that you got married? I had to find out from your aunt and you didn't even have the courtesy to tell us. This is something that parents want to hear and parents would be happy for their children getting married. I am sure you would want our blessing, everyone would want their parent's blessing, of course, we would give you our blessing.'
After never saying 'Congratulations' and she got down from her soapbox, I said: 'I am sorry I did not tell you.' It was hard for even me to believe but I genuinely felt sorry I hadn't told her. She dismissed me and uttered that it is all well and good to be sorry and walked out. My guess, having to reload her gun. She had used up her first round.
It seemed like a good time to leave. I wasn't upset with what she had said nor did I feel she was right in behaving this way. If she was hurt she hadn't expressed it or happy about our marriage – she hadn't expressed that either.
I sat there for about five minutes thinking about what had happened. I was taken aback a bit by, well, the lack of emotional response to her words. I had read from many of fellow blogger's experiences that it hurts less. And I wasn't sure this would be the same path for me.
I said Goodbye to my father and said I would be back in the summer. I checked my bulletproof vest and prepared for battle – not with a weapon like NM's – but with a different one – my voice.
*The aunt she heard the news of my marriage from is not the same aunt I wrote about in the post (The Sport of Paradoxing).
Related posts (words that came to me):
Caliban's Sisters: Incapacity, Refusal, Acceptance
Through the Looking Glass: Name that Feeling: the Amygdala Hijack
The Project: Me by Judy – Stank on the Rock on FB


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PCI Webinar with Becky Spratford
Demystifying Genre: How To Help Every Type of Reader
Competency: Public Services Competencies
Sub-Topic: Reader's Advisory
Nothing is scarier than trying to help a fan of a genre you yourself don't enjoy. You want to help that, for example, Romance reader find the perfect book, but you are having trouble knowing where to begin because…eek!… you don't read Romance. You are afraid they will find out you are a fraud. How can YOU possibly help THEM?!? Never fear, in this program, Readers' Advisory expert, Becky Spratford, will teach you the basic appeals of the major genres, give you the inside track on what a fan of that genre is most drawn to, and provide you with talking points to get your genres readers to tell you what they want. You will leave this webinar with the confidence and skill to help fans of every genre, regardless of whether or not you have ever read a book in that genre yourself. And that will leave a trail of happy patrons in your wake.
Attendees will learn how to:
● sort genres into like categories based on how they appeal to readers
● understand the major tropes and appeal factors for each genre and how they apply to specific authors and titles
● use genre specific resources to help readers quickly
● engage readers of any genre in meaningful and successful Readers Advisory conversations.
Becky Spratford ~ Biography
Becky Spratford is a Readers' Advisor in Illinois specializing in serving patrons ages 13 and up. She trains library staff all over the world on how to match books with readers through the local public library. She runs the critically acclaimed RA training blog RA for All, and it's evil twin, RA for All Horror, and is on the Steering Committee of the Adult Reading Round Table. She is under contract to provide content for EBSCO's NoveList database and writes reviews for Booklist and IndiePicks Magazine. Becky is also known for her work with horror readers as the author of The Reader's Advisory Guide to Horror, Second Edition [ALA Editions, 2012] and is a proud member of the Horror Writers Association who honored her as a Special Guest of Honor at StokerCon 2017 for her contribution to the genre. You can connect with Becky on Twitter @RAforAll.


text:
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Where are the best places to stay in Acambaro?
The top hotel in Acambaro:
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- • Free parking • Free WiFi • Terrace • 24-hour front desk
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Choose one of our hotel deals and get discounts of up to 10%.
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How to Get to Acambaro
What is the closest airport to Acambaro?
- • Morelia, Michoacan (MLM-General Francisco Mujica Intl.), 23.9 mi (38.5 km) from central Acambaro
When is the best time to visit Acambaro?
- • Hottest months: June, May, April, July (average 86°F)
- • Coldest months: January, February, December, November (average 48°F)
- • Rainiest months: July, August, June, and September (average 6.58 inches of rainfall)


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Tangy scones that are perked up with marmite, nutritional yeast, and herbs. Pow! Flavour punch. Need a savoury bite to accompany that steaming bowl of soup? These fit the bill nicely.
Savoury scones (dairy-free, egg-free, nut-free, soya-free, sesame-free, vegetarian and vegan) NB Contains gluten.
makes 10
- 200g plain flour (1 3/4 cups)
- 1 1/2 tsps baking powder, levelled off
- 40g dairy-free spread
- 1 tbsp marmite mixed with 1 tbsp boiling water
- 1 tsp oregano
- 1 tbsp nutritional yeast
- 120 ml oat milk
- glaze: 1 tsp marmite mixed with 1 tsp boiling water and 1 tbsp oat milk
– Preheat the oven to 200 degrees Centigrade/Gas Mark 6
– Oil and flour a baking sheet.
– Sift the flour and baking powder into a bowl. Stir in the oregano.
– Rub in the spread with your fingertips until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs.
– Pour in the oat milk and watery marmite mix. Bring together to form a soft dough.
– Turn out and lightly knead.
– Press out the dough to 2 inches high and cut out circles with a cookie cutter.
– Place on the baking sheet and brush with the glaze.
– Bake for 20 minutes until the scones have risen and golden.
– Cool on a wire rack.


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For Vegan Month of Food 2014 I am adapting recipes from the first book I ever learnt to bake from: Chocolat: Fondre de Plaisir by Camille and Nathalie Le Foll. Join me as I veganise 20 recipes from this book – it's going to be a month of total chocolate decadence!
Sometimes I think my life could have turned out a lot different if I had taken another path when I met a Fork in The Road (note the capitals!) at the age of 16. I was beginning to consider university options abroad, feeling deep down that Belgium was no longer where I was meant to be, and Mum found this course called 'Creative Writing'. Up till then I'd never known you could study writing (I'm still not sure you can) but it sounded like the perfect course for me. We had been planning, my mum, my sister and I – to go on holiday in Ireland over the summer of 2009. Instead, we went to Scotland to visit the University of St Andrews, where I was set on going.
Long story short: I fell in love with Scotland the moment I set foot in Edinburgh. (And about 8 months later I received a crushing letter of rejection from St Andrews.)
But what if I'd gone to Ireland? Dublin blew me away when I was there two years ago; I could fallen in love with the Emerald Isle instead of the romantic Highlands. But hey, no regrets.
What if this, what if that… There is no knowing. You can only drown the doubts in some whiskey and chocolate ice cream.
(On a side note: I am not at all pleased with my photos for this recipe. The end of summer has snuck up on me and as a result, the dramatic decline in daylight hours is becoming problematic for this foodie blogger. Looks like I'll have to start planning my photoshoots more carefully.)
Irish Chocolate
Notes: if you are limited for options and can't find any vegan chocolate ice cream anywhere near you, try blending vegan vanilla with 2 tbsp cocoa powder in a food processor. Freeze for about 10 minutes to set, then serve. Or try making your own; I have tons of vegan ice cream recipes in my e-book The Vegan Cookie Fairy's Decadent Ice Creams Anyone Can Make (US title: Decadent Ice Creams Without An Ice Cream-Maker).
For the coconut whipped cream:
250ml (1 cup) coconut cream
1 tsp powdered stevia (or 2 tbsp icing sugar)
For the Irish coffee:
1 cup of hot coffee
1 shot of whiskey
1/2 tsp powdered stevia (or 2 tsp regular sugar)
For the ice cream:
500ml (2 cups) vegan chocolate ice cream
1. Whip the coconut cream and stevia in a small bowl until stiff peaks form. Refrigerate until needed.
2. Combine the ingredients for the Irish coffee mixture by briskly whisking them all together in a jar.
3. Serve 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream per person. Top with a dollop of whipped cream and pour over the hot Irish coffee. Enjoy immediately.
Have you ever met that Fork with a capital F? What did you do, or what do you wish you'd done?
Have you seen my other vegan chocolate recipes for Vegan MoFo 2014? Click here to catch up and don't forget to subscribe via email (link in the sidebar) so you don't miss another one. You can also follow me on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Tumblr! You can also follow my blog through Bloglovin'.


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Acorns are the seeds of oak trees. Maple trees do not have acorns. Maple trees produce a fruit called a samara that contains the seeds of the tree.
About Samaras
A samara is a pair of connected, winged seeds. Some maples produce double samaras and some produce triple samaras. When the samaras turn from green to yellow or brown, they fall to the ground in a spiraling pattern.
Planting Maple Seeds
You can collect the samaras after they fall to the ground. The exact steps for planting maple seeds depend on the variety of maple tree. For example, some maple seeds require stratification, which is a pretreatment that simulates the natural conditions that a seed experience before it germinates.
About Maples
Maples come in many varieties, 13 of which are native to North America, including the sugar maple, black maple and red maple. Maples vary in size from the small, 8-foot Japanese maple to the large, 100-foot sugar maple. Maples are deciduous trees, and their leaves change color in the fall.


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We've been sleeping under our new "love nest" quilt for about a week now (and so has our dog...see below) but I've just now gotten around to taking pictures. It's been a beautiful, sunshiny weekend here in New Orleans (and no humidity! huzzah!), so I didn't need any excuses to drag our giant quilt outside for a photo op.
I was going to shoo him off before I took this picture, but I thought it would be much more accurate if I didn't ;) He finds any excuse to eat, sleep & play on our bed. I'm probably going to be very glad one day that I made this out of substantial home dec fabric rather than quilting cotton. Oh, and as you can see, I got a little ambitious and made some flanged shams out of the leftover binding material. The front is Volumes in Rose and the back is more of the Mingling in Gold.
When it comes to quilting layers together, I'm not a huge fan of uber fancy stitching. I've seen so many quilts where the design and fabrics get lost in the chaos of the stitching. Besides, this quilt is already busy enough without adding complex stitching. My usual MO is to quilt straight lines that accent the blocks/lines of the quilt. But I didn't want to quilt straight lines on this quilt because it felt wrong. Not to get all philosophical, but the fabrics have such organic patterns (vines, birds, flowers, etc) that I thought straight, geometric lines would be a bit jarring. So I decided to stick the top of my quilt in the machine and sew with wild abandon. No guidelines, no measurements, nothing. Just a bunch of wonky, crooked lines. And you know what? I really like it. I think my crazy gamble paid off because it somehow works with the look of the quilt.
And here's a genius little tip I recently got from a lady that's been quilting since she was knee high to a grasshopper. When you have a lot of different colors in a quilt, don't use white thread. It seems like it would the best choice when you're looking for a neutral, but light gray thread is actually better because it's not as bright as white. It blended in really well with my quilt even though it runs over about a million different colors. I used Gutermann color #102.


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There's no telling when a toothache may strike. You could be on vacation far away from your dentist in Evansville. Or perhaps you woke up on Sunday morning with a tooth throbbing in pain when no dental office is open. What can you do if these situations occur? We're happy to help by providing you… Read more »
Posts Categorized: Dental Emergency
"I've Lost a Filling, What Do I Do?"
Dental fillings are super-strong restorations that help fill the space left over after we remove decay. But sometimes things happen that can cause a filling to come loose or totally fall out. Whether it's from crunching down on a popcorn kernel or grinding your teeth while you sleep, a lost filling may cause worry. The… Read more »


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JBS parents are automatically members of the Parents Council, which fosters involvement and communication within the parent body and with the school. Parents are a visible presence on campus, and parents who wish to be actively involved have many options.
In addition to organizing the fundraisers, the Parents Council promotes a sense of community among our parents, supports our students and faculty and serves the greater community.
Parents provide services to the school, such as volunteering in the bookstore or the library; they plan programming for parents; they dedicate countless hours to the execution of three major fundraising events; and they plan activities for students. The extent of their volunteer commitment can be as much or as little as fits into their schedules. Check out the possibilities...and perhaps sign up!
Parents Council Meetings:
Wed, Feb 5, 20, 8:30 AM., Conf Room 2
Thu, May 14, 20, 10:30 AM, Conf Rooms 1 & 2 • 11:30 AM Luncheon in Haertter Hall


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These videos discuss the professional development, networking and learning opportunities that participants in the process enjoy.
"Being able to meet administrators through this panel and building relationships with new people in the school district has been invaluable. Meeting the teachers and seeing the needs based on what's happening in classroom has been instrumental in helping us develop programs for our K-12 audience."


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Rahul Chawla's Debut Novel Hazaaro Khwaahishein, coming soon!
Biology @ Your Fingertips now available at Infibeam, Amazon, Dial a book and Flipkart.Few copies are still available at Infibeam.com, amazon.in and Dial a book. For further inquiry , kindly call the Publishers. Contact 09718732278.
- PMT Gurumantra gets www.pmtgurumantra.in as a new registered domain!
Time to pay your Gurudakshina: Be a Mentor!Hi guys, Congratulations to all the people who have been selected in AIPMT this year. I would like to request all the people who have been following my blog to step up and take the legacy of guiding PMT aspirants forwards...after all it's Guru-Shishya parampara redefined! To be a mentor on PMT Gurumantra, send me your rank letter/college ID card and other relevant details to my mail id: firstname.lastname@example.com I'll send you an invite. Accept it and start blogging!
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Hazaaron Khwahishein: Dr Rahul Chawla's debut novel to unveil in Delhi World Book Fair
Dr Rahul Chawla's debut novel Hazaaron Khwahishein is slated to release in ongoing Delhi world book fair. The book will be available for sale in the book fair held in Pragati Maidaan, in Hall number 12A stall number 27-29. The book has been published by Hind Yugm, the flag bearer of 'nayi wali hindi'. Hazaaron […]
Hazaaro Khwaahishein: Quote 8 (Man ki Mahabharat)
महाभारत के युद्ध की तरह, मन का 'अर्जुन' आंतरिक मतभेदों से जूझ रहा था. 'राधा' ने 'कृष्ण' बन, समय का चक्र रोक रखा था. हमारी इस फिल्म को कोई तो direct कर रहा था, जो जानता था – किस किरदार की एंट्री कब होनी है और कैसे. वो, जो सबसे बड़ा कहानी-कार था.
Hazaaro Khwaahishein: Quote 7 (Ishq aur Inquilaab)
इन्कलाब, रामलीला मैदान पर ही सीमित रहता तो बेहतर था. उन दिनों मेरी छोटी-छोटी बातें भी मैडम को बाण की तरह चुभने लगती और घर में महाभारत हो जाया करती. गुस्से में लाल, 'अन्ना हज़ारे' बनकर, वह अनशन पर बैठ जाती. मैं 'कुमार विश्वास', उसे अपनी कविताएं सुना कर मनाया करता ~राहुल चावला
Strategy for NEET
Have a doubt? Please read blog-posts and past queries before asking!Before posting any doubt please read all the past queries and our blog-posts. Queries to which we have replied before won't be answered. And keep your queries short, specific and to the point. In case it's very URGENT , mail your query at email@example.com or message me on facebook at facebook.com/rahulchawla001
Biology @ Your Fingertips
Biology @ Your Fingertips
About PMT GurumantraThis website has been designed by the medical students of Vardhman Mahavir Medical College to provide the PMT aspirants with the right guidance for medical entrance examinations and provides previous papers, examination notifications, admission counselling and online doubt clearance. This website gives an opportunity to the PMT aspirants to interact with the medical students who had been the toppers of various national and State level Medical Entrance Examinations. Through this website, we, the medical students, would like to share our success mantra, study material and mnemonics with the students and also help them clear their doubts.
Now Handbook of Biology and Biology @ Your Fingertips is just a phone call away! Dial 09650-457-457 to order .Handbook of Biology is now available at Dialabook.in . Dial 09650-457-457 to order it on phone. Price is Rs. 100 for Handbook of Biology and Rs. 360 for Biology @ Your Fingertips
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Tag Archives: BIOLOGY MADE EASY
HELLO FRIENDS, THE AIPMT IS OVER NOW AND I BELIEVE YOU DID YOUR BEST JOB FOR IT. NOW,IT'S TIME FOR BLOW YOUR MINDS AGAIN WITH YOUR HARD WORK TO ENTER IN THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS MEDICAL INSTITUTE IN COUNTRY "ALL INDIA INSTITUTE OF … Continue reading
last month tips for pre medical exams…..
Hi friends, I m posting few tips to manage your study in the last month before your medical entrance exams……. 1.Stop reading new material now and stay on your knowledge. 2.Don't confuse between New launching test series or end month … Continue reading
PMT Gurumantra, a website launched by the medical students of Vardhman Mahavir Medical College AND AIIMS provides you with the list of top medical colleges, which was prepared after consulting the medical students all across India. There are plenty of magazines and websites … Continue reading
HOW TO STUDY NCERT FOR PMTS AS ONLY SIX MONTHS ARE LEFT FOR PMTS , SO HERE I M POSTING HOW TO STUDY NCERT IN LESS TIME as far as biology ncert is concerned go through each & every line … Continue reading
FOR SURE SHOT SUCCESS IN MEDICAL ENTRANCE EXAMINATIONS HANDBOOK OF BIOLOGY & BIOLOGY @ YOUR FINGERTIPS BY RAHUL CHAWLA To buy at dial-a-book, call 9650-457-457 ( Price Rs. 300) to order. To buy online click here http://www.flipkart.com/biology-your-fingertips-8175157100/p/9788175157101 http://www.flipkart.com/books/8175156422?pid=1v23fb0scd&_l=CJHVEqJO3veuHytbACc9dw–&_r=TxuNa8SHIYDMtQ11knQotQ–&ref=b22ccd0c-aaac-4ddc-b48d-62ddb20cabc6 For bulk-orders or other book-stores/distributors … Continue reading
Biology at Your Fingertips has been released
Biology at Your Fingertips has been released. It's available at Galgotia's stall in New Delhi World Book Fair. Orders on Flipkart and Dialabook would start by the evening. To buy online at flipkart ( Price: Rs. 380) click here http://www.flipkart.com/biology-your-fingertips-8175157100/p/9788175157101 … Continue reading
Biology at Your Fingertips has been released
Biology at Your Fingertips has been released. It's available at Galgotia's stall in New Delhi World Book Fair. Orders on Flipkart and Dialabook would start by the evening. To buy online click here http://www.flipkart.com/biology-your-fingertips-8175157100/p/9788175157101 or dial 9650-457-457 It would take … Continue reading
PMT GURUMANTRA CROSSES 50,000 HITS TODAY PMT GURUMANTRA – an initiative taken by the medical students to guide PMT aspirants This website has been launched by the medical students of Vardhman Mahavir Medical College and Safdarjung Hospital, LHMC, UCMS and … Continue reading
Beat the NEET with Handbook of Biology
Beat the NEET with Handbook of Biology and Biology @ your fingertips NEET Exam Date: 13th may click here for the syllabus Refer to my book handbook of biology .It helps you in last minute revision and contains all the … Continue reading
Book stores across India where Handbook of Biology is available
Book stores across India where Handbook of Biology is available Contact Galgotia publications for ordering the book: 0120-4235977 To buy this book online click here


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Contact us
Twin Trees Hotel & Leisure Club,
Tel: +353 (0) 96 21033
Fax: +353 (0) 96 21338
Email: email@example.com
The owners and managers of Twin Trees Hotel and Leisure Club pride themselves on the excellent standard of service we provide for our guests.
We are extremely dedicated to what we do – hospitality is not just a profession to us, it is a vocation. The key to achieving our goal is our belief that our staff are our future. We are currently seeking applications for the following positions:
Food & Beverage assistants
We try to provide an inclusive atmosphere where each staff member can achieve their personal career goals in our dynamic and service driven environment.Careers


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The most elegant ship built in decades has caught the inspiration of artists, photographers and amateur ship spotters worldwide. She is elegant, record breaking and capable. She's also a YouTube Star! Here are two videos of the Queen Mary II that have reached over 25,000 viewers and for good reason. Take a look:
The liner Queen Mary 2 slips under the Golden Gate Bridge.
The Queen Mary 2 departing New York Harbor.
Like most celebrities she is also photogenic. The best series of photographs are by San Francisco Photo Blogger Todd Lapin and his team over at Telstar Logistics. Here is a slideshow of his photographs:
(Photos by Telstar Logistics)
(If you're using Internet Explorer TRY THIS)
Interesting Facts from the New York Times:
The QM2 is more precisely referred to as an ocean liner, rather than a cruise ship; with its sleeker hull and more powerful engines, it was designed to cross oceans. Cruise ships, which typically sail closer to shore, have a more squarish profile for larger passenger loads.
Like the QE2, the QM2 is named after a ship, not a monarch. Eric Flounders, a Cunard spokesman in London, said that the original Queen Mary was the first vessel built after Cunard and White Star created one company. Before that, Cunard's ship names typically ended in ia (Caronia, for example), White Star's in ic (Titanic). Middle ground was sought (sorry, Queen Victoria). The liner, named after George V's wife, sailed from 1936 to 1967.
- Telstar Logistics – QM2 Arrives
- QM2 Virtual Tour
- QM2 Official Website
- When Artists Attack
- More QM2 Photo Slideshows
- The QM2's Live Bridge Cam
- QM2's IT Infrastructure
- QM2's Dynamic Positioning System
- King's Point Grad's View From the Bridge


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Clarke Award Nominees
The shortlist for the Arthur C. Clarke Award has been released. The judges this year include Dave Hutchinson, Gaie Sebold, Paul March-Russell, Kari Maund, and Charles Christian. The winner, who will receive £2018 and the award, will be announced on July 18.
- Sea of Rust, by C. Robert Cargill
- Dreams Before the Start of Time, by Anne Charnock
- American War, by Omar el Akkad
- Spaceman of Bohemia, by Jaroslav Kalfan
- Gather the Daughters, by Jennie Melamed
- Borne, by Jeff VanderMeer
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Watch Keppeki Danshi! Aoyama-kun Episode-09 Online
The handsome young soccer genius named Aoyama is a Japan representative. His play style is "cleanliness." He doesn't tackle and doesn't head the ball. If he's doing a throw-in, he'll only do it if he's wearing gloves.
Type: TV
Episodes: Unknown
Status: Currently Airing
Aired: Jul 3, 2017 to ?
Premiered: Summer 2017
Broadcast: Sundays at 00:00 (JST)
Producers: TMS Entertainment, Pony Canyon
Licensors: None found, add some
Studios: Studio Hibari
Source: Manga
Genres: Comedy, Sports, Seinen
Duration: 23 min.
Rating: PG-13 – Teens 13 or older
60MB Download Link:
90MB Download Link:
Online Watch:


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HA NOI (VNS) — The number of traffic safety violations on Ha Noi's highway No.3 has been increasing, endangering the safety of road users, reported the Lao Dong (Labour) newspaper.
Without the patrol of the traffic security force and police, pedestrians and motorbikes often travel on the road, which is supposed to be only for cars.
Passenger cars have also ignored traffic regulations by using many road sections for picking up and dropping off passengers. These violations cause danger to other vehicles on the road.
On the section of Nguyen Trai and Khuat Duy Tien, dozens of xe om (motorbike taxi) block part of the road by for waiting clients.
Lieutenant colonel Nguyen Anh Son of the traffic police of Thanh Xuan District admitted that the police and other traffic security forces do not control the violations because the road spans through three districts.
He said that there are several cameras equipped on the road to monitor the vehicles but the motorbikers and car drivers seemed not to care.
Recently, the Ha Noi Traffic Police has carried out patrols regularly on the road to curb the situation of passenger cars and taxi motorbikes picking up and dropping passengers on the road.
However, the violations continue to occur if the patrol teams are off work.
Lieutenant colonel Do Manh Ninh said there were difficulties in eliminating the situation of picking up and dropping passengers on the road by taxi motorbikes. — VNS
High-quality education ecosystem contributes to improving the quality of human resources for Viet Nam


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Broadening Participation
Background on NSF Broadening Participation
NSF's commitment to broadening participation is embedded in its Strategic Plan through a variety of investment priorities related to the Learning and Stewardship strategic outcome goals, including:
- Preparing a diverse, globally engaged science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) workforce;
- Integrating research with education, and building capacity;
- Expanding efforts to broaden participation from underrepresented groups and diverse institutions across all geographical regions in all NSF activities; and
- Improving processes to recruit and select highly qualified reviewers and panelists.
Guided by the Strategic Plan, NSF established a performance area focused on broadening participation: to expand efforts to increase participation from underrepresented groups and diverse institutions throughout the United States in all NSF activities and programs.
The "NSF INCLUDES Report to the Nation" explores the initial program statistics for the NSF INCLUDES design. Click the report cover image below to view the report.
Committee on Equal Opportunities in Science and Engineering (CEOSE) The CEOSE committee has published several reports to Congress, which focus on broadening participation in STEM. Their latest report advises NSF to give increased attention to including diverse community voices across its research and education portfolios through community-driven projects. Click an image below to view a Biennial Report.
Response to the 2011-2012 CEOSE Recommendation for Pathways in Broadening Participation
The 2011-2012 CEOSE (Committee on Equal Opportunities in Science and Engineering) report requested that NSF launch a bold new initiative for broadening participation (BP) with the goal of eventually having the participation of NSF-supported scientists and engineers in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM) fields mirror the population of the Nation. The NSF BP Working Group examined CEOSEs request and developed an array of options to augment the Foundations on-going efforts in broadening participation in STEM.
- [Summary PDF: Pathways to Broadening Participation In Response to CEOSE Recommendation]
- [Full Text PDF: Pathways to Broadening Participation In Response to CEOSE Recommendation]
White House Initiative on HBCUs Presents Federal Funding Opportunities at the National Science Foundation
On August 27, 2015, the White House Initiative on Historically Black Colleges and Universities (WHIHBCU) hosted a webinar at NSF. This was part of a series to educate Historically Black Colleges and Universities on the grants and opportunities available to them throughout the federal government.
The NSF webinar featured a presentation by program staff, highlighting their funding opportunities for HBCUs. Faculty and administrators from the HBCU community were invited to view the webinar and ask questions. All of the proceedings were recorded and are available for viewing at http://www.tvworldwide.com/events/nsf/150827/.
The presentation slides are also available in PDF format.
Learn more about the WHIHBCU at their home page.
Evaluation Reports for Broadening Participation Projects
In August 2008, the Broadening Participation Working Group developed the report A Framework for Action which describes an implementation strategy for the broadening participation performance area in the Strategic Plan. An executive summary and the full report are available at the "Framework for Action" Report page.
Released in January 2011, the report Framework for Evaluating Impacts of Broadening Participation Projects originated from a workshop sponsored by the National Science Foundation (NSF) Directorate for Education and Human Resources (EHR). The report considers metrics for monitoring broadening participation projects, along with designs and indicators to support program evaluation. Additional background information and the report itself are available at the Framework for Evaluating Impacts of Broadening Participation Projects page.
For a separate evaluation framework on broadening participation in graduate education, "Measuring Diversity: An Evaluation Guide for STEM Graduate Program Leaders," a guide issued by the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) in partnership with NSF, see the AAAS page at http://www.aaas.org/news/releases/2011/0525agep_evaluate.shtml.
For further information concerning NSF's Broadening Participation programs, please contact:
Please send questions or comments about these Web pages to O/D Webmaster.
Dr. Suzanne Iacono
National Science Foundation
Phone: 703-292-8040
E-mail: email@example.com


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Amazon Smile!
Amazon.com offers a unique payback program for non profits known as amazon smile. All you have to do is always order through your Amazon Smile storefront. Everything is exactly the same as your normal web browser only St. Matthew's receives a small return on everything you buy! Visit https://smile.amazon.com/ch/94-1186209 or click on the image at right to link your amazon account today!
Dining with a Purpose
Whether you are sitting at the counter at CPK, or driving across the bay to have dinner with church friends, or stopping in before you catch a flight, our monthly dinners have become another way for parishioners to build relationships.


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I was recently award the Versatile Blog Award by Lisha at OneHouseOneCouple. Pretty darn cool blog. I love seeing all the projects and transformations. And, she has a giveaway right now!
Part of the award is I get to nominate 15 other bloggers for awards ;) I've been having a blast finding so many new blogs lately. It's hard to pick just 15 I think you should check out. But here they are in no particular order.
1. Kim - The Money Pit.
2. Carrie - Saving 4 Six
3. Stephanie- Gilded Junque
4. Cyndi- The Decorating Chica
5. Stacey- Flickerwhips
6. Kim- The REAL adventures of a SoCal Mom
7. Ms. Benjamins - Ms. Building Up Da Benjamins
8. Jenny - Days of Chalk and Chocolate
9. Kammy - Kammy's Korner
10. Back for Seconds
11. Laura- Cookie Crumbs and Sawdust
12. Carole- Blue Chateau Interiors
13. http://mamazukecooks.blogspot.com/
14.Karen- The Barganista
15. Bungalo 960
7 FACTS about moi :)
1. I have a degree. (yeah, I know) in Communication with an emphasis in Journalism, Advertising and PR.
2. I justify blogging by telling people I am using my degree. (ha ha)
3. I tried out for a game show once (and didn't make it)
4. I am a contributing editor for New Beginnings, the La Leche League publication. It's a fancy way of saying I beg people to write something, then edit it, then send it on to someone else to put in the magazine.
5. I'm one of those "crunchy hippy moms"
6. My house is haunted (or so we're told). Not a huge deal since our last house was built on land that used to be a graveyard.
7. I am deathly afraid of heights.
Here are the rules of award acceptance once you're nominated:
- Thank the person who gave you the award.
- Include a link to their blog.
- Select 15 blogs/bloggers that you've recently discovered or follow regularly.
- Nominate those 15 for the Versatile Blogger Award.
- Finally, share 7 things about yourself.
- In the same post include this set of rules.
- Inform each nominee with a comment on their blog.