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Blogging Elsewhere
I appreciate it's been a little quiet around here for some time, for whatever reason. In general I just don't spend so much non-work time thinking about programming and other technical matters any more, which is probably healthy.
But if you simply must read more of my ramblings, you'll be delighted to know I'm actively blogging in at least two other places.
My work blogging cryptic crossword solutions and commentary at Fifteensquared continues apace and with pride, even after nearly five years. My posts are clustered around the weekends, and cover the various Independent crosswords, including the Beelzebub advanced cryptic, which I'm pleased to have reintroduced to Fifteensquared some time ago.
Over at Three Hundred Beers, I'm also writing about another favourite pastime: beer. I'm working my way through Roger Protz's renowned book, 300 Beers to Try Before You Die, and jotting down a few thoughts on each beer as I go.
Continue reading Blogging Elsewhere »
Contractors: Setting Up a Limited Company is not "Tax Efficient"
Over the last few months I've made the transition from full-time employment, to self-employment, and finally to working through my own limited company. If nothing else, this should make my next tax return particularly interesting.
Forming a limited company to invoice through is fairly common practice for contractors, not least because there is a perception that it's more tax efficient to do so. In fact it's more than a perception: it's a widely-held belief, which is repeated time and time again. It's also completely and utterly untrue.
Let's get this straight: for the average contractor there are absolutely no tax savings to be made by forming a limited company.
Continue reading Contractors: Setting Up a Limited Company is not "Tax Efficient" »
Your Mobile Phone Number is not Safe with your Mobile Operator
There has been a lot of fuss today about mobile network O2 handing out the mobile numbers of its customers to websites that they visit.
That's clearly an unfortunate occurrence, and O2 users as well as the web in general were understandably outraged. But what surprised me was not that it happened at all, it was the fact that the public really don't understand quite how widely it was happening already.
Continue reading Your Mobile Phone Number is not Safe with your Mobile Operator »
Some Thoughts on PHP's DateTime, Object Mutability and an Alternative Implementation
I'm beginning think that while the introduction of PHP's newish DateTime
object is very welcome, its implementation is one of the big missed opportunities in the language. This is because the decision was taken to make it mutable. In essence, DateTime has been implemented as an Entity rather than a Value Object.
Continue reading Some Thoughts on PHP's DateTime, Object Mutability and an Alternative Implementation »
Namechecked in the Independent Cryptic Crossword - Thanks, Anax!
I really struggled with today's Independent cryptic crossword by Anax, and didn't come close to completing it, let alone spotting this.
So it's only just now that I've learned that hidden away in the completed grid were the names of virtually all of the Independent bloggers at Fifteensquared.
And there I am at 21 across:
A rather humbling turn of events, I must say. It's not every day that one gets mentioned, however cryptically, in a national broadsheet. So many thanks to Anax, and maybe I'll persist in trying to finish one of your puzzles for a change!
Continue reading Namechecked in the Independent Cryptic Crossword - Thanks, Anax! »
Johann Hari on the "Swingeing Cuts" - Essential Reading for the People of Britain
If you live in Britain, you need to read this. Even if you just live on this planet it's still ten minutes well spent. Writing in The Independent today, Johann Hari provides the clearest overview I've yet seen of why Cameron/Osborne's economic policy - that of "swingeing cuts" - is deeply ill-advised, is vindictive and will ultimately be disastrous for Britain.
Johann Hari: Britain Just Became a Colder, Crueller Country - and for Nothing.
I'm no expert in economics - I barely scraped an A-level in the subject - but even I can see just how wrong the policy is: decades ago John Maynard Keynes taught us how to survive a recession. Similar cuts in Britain in 1918, and more recently in Ireland, have shown us how not to, in spectacular fashion. Bewilderingly, Cameron and Osborne have chosen the latter route.
Once you're done with Johann's article, and if you're interested in a little more of the economic theory behind the state we're in, then I can recommend reading Robert Skidelsky. His Future Generations Will Curse Us for Cutting in a Slump and By George, He Hasn't Got It: What Would JM Keynes Think of George Osborne's Budget? are particularly apposite.
For a lengthier read, Skidelsky's eloquent biography of Keynes, named Keynes: The Return of the Master, is a skilful relation of Keynesian theory to the current crisis, in fairly layman-friendly terms.
You may be pleased to hear that I'm unlikely to blog on the subject of economics a great deal in future, but I feel pretty strongly about all of this at the moment. Perhaps that's partly because, as a left-leaning liberal, I'm incensed that my vote has been misappropriated to help allow this to happen. But that's another story.
Continue reading Johann Hari on the "Swingeing Cuts" - Essential Reading for the People of Britain »
MongoDB Support for Tera-WURFL
This is just a quick heads up to point out that Tera-WURFL now has support for using MongoDB as its data store. This is particularly exciting for me, since I contributed the original code. I've been benefiting from Tera-WURFL for years now, so it's pleasing that our ongoing migration to MongoDB at work provided an opportunity to give something back.
Continue reading MongoDB Support for Tera-WURFL »
Getting Started With Stored Procedures in MongoDB
My most exciting technical discovery this year has been MongoDB. Mongo is proving to be a very satisfying solution to a lot of problems, so I'll no doubt be mentioning it here many times in the near future.
MongoDB has support for stored procedures, which is great, but as a newcomer, I found it wasn't entirely obvious how to get started. I also found that the typically quite excellent MongoDB documentation tended to fall short on examples of the specific things I had trouble with. So here's a quick writeup of getting stored procs up-and-running in MongoDB.
Continue reading Getting Started With Stored Procedures in MongoDB »
Musical Interlude: Joe Bonamassa Plays "Just Got Paid" at the Albert Hall
I haven't blogged much at all for a while, so it's probably time to remind my dozen or so readers that I'm still around. My excuse is that I've actually been working on a number of other projects, almost all of which will be covered here in due course, so do stay tuned.
In the meantime, here's a musical interlude, and it's perhaps the greatest thing I've seen on the 'net in some time: Joe Bonamassa covering ZZ Top's "Just Got Paid" live at the Albert Hall back in 2009. I don't really know where to begin in explaining how awesome this is, but I'll draw your attention to the twin drum battery, the one-man synchronized Theremin/Flying V duel, and Joe's incredible tone, playing and pure showmanship - which is all the more endearing if you happen to know what a humble, down-to-earth guy Joe actually is.
Continue reading Musical Interlude: Joe Bonamassa Plays "Just Got Paid" at the Albert Hall »
Successful Microsoft SQL Server Support for PHP on Linux
I recently had a requirement to enable a PHP application on Linux servers to connect to a remote Microsoft SQL Server database. Despite initial concerns that this was impossible or at least very difficult, compounded by numerous confused forum/blog posts suggesting it to be so, it turns out to be eminently achievable.
Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of misinformation out there, so at the risk of adding to it, here's my writeup of getting PHP on Linux to talk to an MS SQL Server database, using both the mssql_*
functions and the Zend_Db
component of Zend Framework.
Continue reading Successful Microsoft SQL Server Support for PHP on Linux »


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NEW YORK (AP) -- Hostess said Friday expects to unveil a bidder for Drake's snack cakes next week, although the fate of Twinkies is still being negotiated.
Drake's cakes, which include Devil Dogs, Funny Bones and Yodels, are among the brands Hostess is selling after announcing in November that it was shutting down its business.
Earlier this month, Hostess Brands Inc. filed bids by Tastykakes maker Flowers Foods Inc. to buy six of its bread brands, including Wonder, for $390 million.
Hostess, which is based in Irving, Texas, is filing bids for its popular brands in stages. These "stalking horse bids" set a floor for an auction process that lets rivals make better offers. The final sale must be approved by a judge in bankruptcy court.
Hostess spokesman Lance Ignon said the company expects to file bids for the rest of its brands in the "near-term."
Its breads and snack cakes also include Ho Hos, Ding Dongs and Zingers.
The company's demise came after years of management turmoil and turnover, with workers saying the company failed to invest its brands. Hostess filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection for a second time in less than a decade in January 2012, citing costs associated with its unionized workforce. It had about 18,500 employees when it announced that it was shutting down after it was unable to reach a deal on a new contract with striking workers.
The company has stressed in bankruptcy court that it would need to move quickly in the sales to capitalize on the outpouring of nostalgia prompted by its shuttering.

subset: commoncrawl


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The Grande Event Center – a Grande Place for any Gathering
Knoxville, Tennessee Banquet Hall and Events Center
There are challenges to planning an event that meets the needs of all who attend. You consider seating capacity, parking, ADA accessibility, menu options, venue aesthetics… and finally, budget.
Finding one location to satisfy all of that, and more, is like finding a needle in a haystack.
The Grande Event Center has expanded to more than 15,000 square feet from the adjacent Knoxville Expo Center to create a beautifully renovated banquet hall for weddings receptions, company Christmas parties, or business trade shows.
From a single day of business meetings and training seminars to a formal corporate event, or Prom – the Grande Event Center is a grande place for any gathering.
To talk with a coordinator about booking The Grande Event Center for your next event, call 865-243-3100


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THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW @111 Minna Gallery --> Collaborative show between LA graffiti writer RISK and illustrator Nathan Ota - In a career spanning 28 years, RISK has impacted the evolution of graffiti as an art form worldwide. Risk is one of the most prolific graffiti artists to date. Los Angeles based, RISK gained major notoriety for his unique style and pushed the limits of graffiti further than any writer in L.A. had before.
111 Minna St @2nd 5pm-late
Illustrator Nathan Ota and LA based graffiti writer RISK
Tahiti Pehrson @Ever Gold --> For his new body of work and first solo exhibition at Ever Gold Gallery, Tahiti Pehrson will be presenting layered monochromatic three-dimensional paper pieces that play off of shadows and light, creating dramatic scenes. Pehrson shows his edge a seasoned veteran in an increasingly popular medium by producing works of staggering detail.
441 O'Farrell St. 6-10pm
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Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano and U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) Director Alejandro Mayorkas announced the launch of E-Verify Self Check—an innovative service that allows individuals in the United States to check their own employment eligibility status before formally seeking employment.
"E-Verify is a smart, simple, and effective tool that allows us to work with employers to help them maintain a legal workforce," said Secretary Napolitano. "The E-Verify Self Check service will help protect workers and streamline the E-Verify process for businesses."
E-Verify Self Check, a partnership between the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and the Social Security Administration (SSA), is the first online E-Verify program offered directly to workers and job seekers. This voluntary, free, fast and secure service gives users the opportunity to submit corrections of any inaccuracies in their DHS and SSA records before applying for jobs—allowing workers to better protect themselves from potential workplace discrimination that could result from an employer's abuse of the E-Verify system.
Every aspect of the E-Verify Self Check process is designed to secure users' personally identifiable information and to prevent misuse of the service. Additionally, information that users provide to E-Verify Self Check and the results of an E-Verify Self Check are not shared with users' employers or prospective employers. The results of a Self Check query do not replace the results of an employer E-Verify query.
The E-Verify program compares information from the Employment Eligibility Verification Form (I-9) against federal government databases to verify workers' employment eligibility. The E-Verify Self Check system allows each user to identify data inaccuracies—which often range from typographical errors to unreported name changes—that would result in a mismatch before he or she seeks employment.
The E-Verify Self Check service is available to users who maintain an address and are physically located in Arizona, Idaho, Colorado, Mississippi, Virginia or the District of Columbia. In the coming months, USCIS will continue to expand the E-Verify Self Check service to additional eligible users on a rolling basis.


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Atlanta, Ga., Oct 9, 2012 / 03:04 am
The Archdiocese of Atlanta recently sent a memo to its parishes announcing they are to end support for Susan G. Komen for the Cure over the organization's ties with Planned Parenthood.
"The Archdiocese of Atlanta is concerned about the protection of human life, especially the precious unborn lives of babies," archdiocesan communications director, Pat Chivers, told CNA Oct. 8.
"It's our opportunity to teach about the dignity of all human beings, and the protection for unborn babies, and this is the teaching of the Catholic Church."
The memo was issued to all archdiocesan entities Oct. 1 in response to requests from parishes.
As October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Komen is using the upcoming weeks to raise its profile and to fundraise. As part of its local efforts, the organization will have a "Worship in Pink Weekend" in Atlanta, asking churches to have their parishioners wear pink to honor survivors and to promote early detection.
In an Oct. 8 interview, Chivers said that the memo was released to meet the needs of local parishes, as many "were asking 'Can we go ahead with this Worship in Pink Weekend?'"
In response to the archdiocesan statement, the CEO of Planned Parenthood Southeast argued that the timing of the memo "feels mean-spirited."
However, Chivers said that instead participating in the weekend, Atlanta parishes are going to promote their own "breast cancer awareness activities," which include garnering support for two organizations titled the Breast Cancer Prevention Institute and the Coalition on Abortion/Breast Cancer.
The decision fosters Catholic identity, Chivers said, "because we're actually having an opportunity to speak out in support of human life and that we are encouraging parishes and individuals to participate in breast cancer awareness activities, but not with Komen, because they support Planned Parenthood."
While the memo acknowledged Komen's beneficial work with regard to breast cancer education, it took issue with it's support for "the nation's largest provider and promoter of abortion."
"Until recently, donations to the greater Atlanta affiliate of the Komen fund did not constitute a direct cooperation with evil, because none of the money they raised went to Planned Parenthood."
However, the memo stated, the local Komen branch "was involved in recent events which had the Komen fund initially ceasing all assistance to Planned Parenthood and then reversing itself."
"According to news reports and Facebook postings by Komen Atlanta, they worked behind the scenes to encourage the national Komen office to resume funding for Planned Parenthood," which "is an occasion for scandal."
In February Komen has announced it would cease support for Planned Parenthood; the abortion provider attacked the organization, and within two days its decision was reversed.
The story of Komen's decisions was highlighted by Karen Handel, former Vice President of Public Policy for the group. She left in light of the controversy, and wrote a book released Sept. 11 titled "Planned Bullyhood: The Truth about the Funding Battle with Susan G. Komen for the Cure."


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Yesterday we delivered our free webinar "Healing Intimate Relationships", which was the 2nd in our series of relationship webinars for 2011 led by Luis Angel Diaz. If you didn't, you can still sign up to download the audio at https://www.cellularmemory.org/landing/webinar-2011-mar01-signup.html
Luis has been snowed in all week in his home in northern California, and the power has been going on and off for days. This gave us some telephone problems at the top of the broadcast, but once we got going, it was a really lovely event.
First, we reviewed some of the things we talked about in our February webinar, such as the 4 "pillars" of healthy relationships: Trust, Honesty, Respect and Equality. We also reviewed the idea of how if you have healthy "roots" (your relationship with self) you will have good "fruits" (your relationship with others).
Then, we went on to play a "game" where Luis asked everyone to "fill in the blanks" about some of our beliefs about men, women, marriage, divorce, sex and other things. The variety of responses we got back from the audience was VERY interesting! If you missed it, be sure to download the audio and play the game yourself.
We also learned the next part of from "The Rescuing Game" we started on the February call.
During the question and answer period, one of callers told us she had a major revelation when listening to what Luis had to say. It was actually very moving to hear how much the class impacted her.
We'd like to hear from more of you about how this webinar impacted you. So, we've set up a little dialogue on a special blog post just for you to share your thoughts. Here's what we'd like to know:
- What was the biggest '"ah-ha" learning from yesterday's webinar on intimate relationships? In other words, what was the most important learning you received from it?
- What did you learn about your beliefs that you hadn't realised before?
- What have you learned about how you play "The Rescuing Game" in your personal relationships?
- What else would you like to share?
Once you've listend to the call PLEASE SHARE your answers to these questions below. We look forward to hearing your replies!
Our next FREE call will be on April 12th, when the topic will be Creating Healthy Relationships with our Children. Be sure to subscribe to this blog so you will be informed as to how to attend.
CMR Fundamentals of Relationships
Starts Thursday April 21st
Don't forget, Luis is starting his wonderful new course CMR Fundamentals of Relationships on Thursday April 12th. On that 9-week course, you will learn how to change your own relationship with your SELF using Luis' unique CMR techniques, so you can begin to transform all your relationships, both personal and professional, in your life. To register or find out more, visit https://www.cellularmemory.org/activities/cmr-fundamentals-online.php.
Luis has also offered a free 64-page e-manual teaching you how to use the CMR technique to the first 20 people who register for the April course.
AND… he has also generously offered to give a free 20-minute consultation to anyone who is considering taking the course, but who would like to ask some questions before they make their decision to register. To set up your free consultation with Luis, send an email to email@example.com
Hope to see you there!
Warm wishes,
Lynn Serafinn
On behalf of
Luis Angel Diaz
Founder, CMR – Cellular Memory Release
Author of international #1 seller Memory in the Cells


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Published on : Thursday, February 14, 2013
American Airlines, a global company connecting people from many different cultures and communities, celebrated Black History Month by honoring "Their Past, Celebrating Today and Preserving their Future."
"Our strategic relationships with diverse partners enhance our world-class customer experience and demonstrates who we are as an airline – not just for the month of February – but each and every day," said Rob Friedman, American's Vice President of Marketing.
As part of the celebration of the past, American has a virtual history available online featuring pioneers in aviation including Captain David Harris, the first African-American pilot hired by a commercial airline Patricia Banks, the first African-American flight attendant and the Tuskegee airmen. To view the tour visit www.AA.com/BlackHistory.
American Airlines C.R. Smith Museum is also exhibiting the Smithsonian's Black Wings – American Dreams in Flight that highlight the challenges and accomplishments of African-American aviation professionals and the obstacles they overcame to break into aviation. For further information on the exhibit visit www.crsmithmuseum.org.
Celebrating the present, American has assembled items from fine dining menu offerings and special tribute entertainment onboard its flights. Marcus Samuelson, one of the company's celebrity chefs, salutes his heritage and his belief in the power of food to connect people. Wines have been selected to bring ethnic, cultural and seasonal differences of wineries throughout the world including the 2012 House of Mandela Thembu Collection Sauvignon Blanc offered by Heritage Link Brands, the largest importer and marketer of Black-produced wine from Africa in North America onboard select international flights in First and Business Class. Additionally, Sparkle a much-anticipated movie, is airing on certain flights.
As part of looking to the future, while onboard customers can tune in to Channel 18 to Magic Johnson's Celebrity Playlist where he also reveals his favorite recording artist of all time (Channel 18 is available on certain entertainment systems). The Feb. 1 issue of American's award winning onboard magazine, American Way, features Earvin "Magic" Johnson on the cover with an article that explores American's support of the Magic Johnson Foundation and its efforts to address the needs of ethnically diverse communities. Other articles include Jackie Robinson's daughter discussing her father's role in breaking professional baseball color barrier and the first African-American pilot to fly solo around the world.
Looking to the future, American as a supporter of the United Negro College Fund (UNCF) for more than 35 years is helping today's students become tomorrow's leaders. As part of that support, American has partnered with UNCF to a co-branded gift card. With every $50 spent, American donates $5 to assist the organization help more than 60,000 students.
American is partnering with Macy's and The American Black Film Festival (ABFF) which will be in Miami, June 19 – 23. Customers will have a chance to win a trip to ABFF. Visit macys.com/celebrate to participate. American is also offering a 10% discount to travel to Miami for this special event. Go to www.AA.com and use Promo code 5763DR to book your flight.
Source: American Airlines.


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Packing for a surf trip is hard. Packing for a snow trip is hard. Packing for a surf and snow trip that'll whisk you through a variety of different climates is damn-near impossible.
Key word there: nearly.
Packing for a combo trip may be difficult, but it's doable – and totally worth it. One journey, two different forms of water to ride? Now that's living.
Our boy Bryan Fox wants to help you plan for a double entendre. Bryan hunts powder for a living and chases peaks for a passion. There's nothing he loves more than combining the two into one itinerary. As a matter of fact, he just jumped on our Radical Times in Spain trip to do just that. While here, he took a minute to lay out his essentials for you. Watch him put them all to use by following the trip on our Instagram and Snapchat.
When packing for a trip like this, bring the most versatile boards in your quiver. You obviously want to get both the best waves and the best snow, but reality will almost certainly find a way to derail that. Accept the fact that you probably won't score both. So unless you're serious about getting in the backcountry or surfing a certain wave, bring boards that you'd be comfortable riding in any condition.
Tip: If you have a coffin-style surfboard bag, you can fit a snowboard in it too. Just be sure to pack it properly so nothing gets damaged – use wetsuits or jackets to make the most out of the space you have.
Quiksilver puffy jacket.
They're warm. They're comfortable. They look good. They're great for planes. They're great for trains. They fend off bears...maybe. In other words, they're your best friend.
For the snow, you need: jacket, pants, boots, gloves, hat and goggles. For the surf: 5-mil, boots and gloves…and maybe goggles if you're, like, a weirdo.
Tip: If you're planning on going somewhere seriously freezing, pack petroleum jelly. It'll save you from getting all chapped up and you can even slab some on your face before you surf…we wish we were kidding.
You live in them. You breathe in them. You sweat in them, bleed in them, eat in them and probably spill food on them. T-shirts are the most essential of all the essentials.
Camera gear
Bryan likes to document his adventures. You probably like to document your adventures, too. It doesn't matter if you roll with a Holga or a Red Cam, just don't leave home without it.
Sweat pants
They're super comfy and great for layering in the cold. Plus, depending on your trip, you might end up sharing a room with six of your best friends. You're probably better off sleeping in sweatpants than nude, no?
First aid kit
Better to be safe than slapped in the face by some cruel circumstance. Bryan's First Aid kid features a whistle, a fire starter, a compass and more. Maybe stash a little bit of wax in there too. You don't want to go all the way to Chile just to do a split on your first wave, do you?
Tip: You can use surf wax as a stomp pad on your snowboard.
Surf and snow on the same trip? Here's how to pack. from quiksilver on Vimeo.


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In the autumn of 2010, the new Parsifal collection will attract attention with a large-scale launch to match its great importance as the Brand's iconic line. Beginning September 15th, the 20th Anniversary Parsifal launch will be brought to life through a promotional film, newspaper advertisements, a dedicated universe on raymond-weil.com, and the creation of a "Parsifal Book" retracing Wagner's creation, which was the inspiration for RAYMOND WEIL – Numerous events devoted especially to the new collection will take place on an international level and a highly prestigious gathering is going to be experienced in the United States, Singapore, Europe and the Middle East. As RAYMOND WEIL celebrates the 20 years of the extraordinary success of Parsifal, the brand will not overlook any details in continuing to promote the 2010 line that will share the same achievements as its predecessors
An homage to Wagner's last opera and an enormous success from its inception, the Parsifal collection exalts the chivalrous spirit of its hero through humanistic values of nobility, courage, loyalty, purity and spirituality – A timeless vision relevant more than ever today. With a wide range of models for gents and ladies, Parsifal 2010 explores with talent the thousand and one ways of affirming a unique style, extremely refined and sophisticated.
The chronograph in pink gold with its automatic winding mechanical movement and its black, full-skin alligator strap exudes a contemporary, yet discreet elegance. With exemplary simplicity, the gent's timekeeper in stainless steel stands out with its distinguished dial, with date window featuring a magnified lens for optimum legibility… The lady's model is attractive in all of its brilliance, with 66 diamonds set on its bezel and dial, and is offered in an all steel look, or a two-tone version in yellow gold and steel.
To celebrate the twentieth anniversary of its new Parsifal collection, RAYMOND WEIL, with great confidence, has managed to renew itself in a remarkable extent, with a superb implementation of style, combining modernity with its seasoned watchmaking expertise.


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Jeremy Clarkson
"We are all lying in the gutter, staring at the stars, but we run the risk of being run over by Jeremy Clarkson."
"Would the audience even notice if it were just Jeremy on the show?"
Sir Jeremy Clarkson started off as a small-time magazine journalist and bongo flick fluffer before becoming the principal wazzock of Top Gear. The programme features interminable reviews of very fast and expensive cars that the viewing public can't afford to even look at - and lots of exploding stuff. Mainly caravans. Because of his sudden popularity after destroying such irritating vehicles, Clarkson was appointed by Her Majesty to become the Prime Minister, after Parliament ran out of sense - he accepted her challenge - "how hard can it be..." . Jeremy Clarkson continues to work for the BBC, writes smug, ill-informed columns for Sunday broadsheet newspapers and is officially recognised by the Jimmy Saville Foundation as the world's biggest, heterosexual, Posh, Professional Yorkshire Man.
Clarkson's first words – now repeated many times every year on his birthday -- were reportedly spoken as he was emerging from the womb: "Mum! Me head's stuck, yer need more POWERRR!" There were valliant attempts to educate him at Reptard School - all in vain, where 104 former school friends recall that he dished out Nazi-style punishments to German exchange students in revenge for World War II eating schnitzel and just being foreign. It was also around this time that Clarkson was arrested, briefly detained and cautioned by police for ferret testicle smuggling, an accusation he robustly denies to this day.
Clarkson's first career was in the family business as a door-to-door teddy bear salesman. He has often spoken at length about the "record number of sales" he achieved in a single transaction, at a particular house in Basingstoke. This record was -3 teddy bears, possibly owing to his general lack of luck when he was knocking on the doors of people who expressly didn't want furry playthings. (Yes, it has been noted that the minus figure of -3 bears indicates that Clarkson ended up buying teddies from his putative customers rather than selling bears to them.)
Clarkson eventually came to understand that ursine-toy sales was not his true calling, so he packed a bag with STP petrol stickers on it and went to work as a proto-journalist for Zoooom-Zoooom Magazine, where he progressed to the post of Transport Editor. This was his first outlet for spreading his idiosyncratic views; he is now credited far and wide as one of the first magazine writers to highlight the danger of global warming in a series of unforgettable, pungent and feisty articles.
Jeremy resigned from Zoooom in 1983 and embarked upon a largely unsuccessful career as a bongo flick fluffer, living in his beloved caravan, which he named Ugly Betty. It was at a camp caravanners' and bongo flick fluffers' convention that Jeremy met France Cocaine, who was to be his wife after he beat her up. The pair now have three daughters: Bugatti, Koenigsegg and Ferrari-Lambo. The family now live in an energy-saving lightbulb in the Cotswolds. The couple are fiercely against common sense, loony leftie do-gooders and have set up their own 'Stay Over 50' campaign to much public fanfare.
Clarkson has since participated in 2,671 events, some of them dangerous and humiliating, to raise the profile of global warming in our dying world. The many vehicles he owns are all immediately recognizable by a liberal festooning of "Al Gore is right, you know" stickers and decals. Clarkson has been admired by many big-brained people, and he appears as a character-on-wheels in several novels by the American genius Thomas Pynchon, including Clarkson & Dixon and That Traffic Warden Is Dead.
Clarkson is renowned as the only known sufferer of quindecaconstantitis, a disease in which the bearer becomes stuck in his mid-50s for the rest of his life. Far from hindering his journalistic career, this condition has actually helped it, on account of the fact that most of his output requires the psychotic pig-headedness that only a boring old fart suffering from a ferocious mid-life crisis could ever harbour.
As a happy consequence of his quindecaconstantitis, Clarkson continually listens to the same brilliant music as my old geography teacher, enjoying such bands as Pink Floyd, YES and Led Zeppelin.
Clarkson now makes unpaid roles on James May's show Britannia Mafia. He does these for free, as the courts ruled it as decent compensation for his destruction of two of May's pianos. Richard Hammond also makes appearances on the show as Triad Ching Chong Li. For reasons that he will not discuss, Clarkson has made frequent visits to the "boneyards" of Arizona and California, the now-legendary resting places and holding facilities of scores of obsolete aircraft and flight-related paraphernalia.
"This one goes like a bitch, carving up the road like a frenzied lesbian with a meathook"
"The world is the biggest thing... in the world "
Jeremy Clarkson represents the pompous twats in the trinity of evil, with Lily Allen representing the Chav part and George Bush representing the Americans, and the brain-dead.
Clarkson – an ardent Manchester Rovers fan – is a world-renowned critic of the beautiful game. He once called for all strikers to be executed in front of their families, bemoaning that they get away with doing nothing while other players have to work for a living.
Human Scrubbing Brush[edit]
Jeremy Clarkson's curly hair and pubic hair are useful tools for doing the washing-up, as Carol Vorderman once admitted in a silly moment.
In 1981, Clarkson, who has long been an advocate for curly-mopped humans being pressed into service as cleaning utensils, set up HSBC, or the Human Scrubbing Brush Club. He acted as President until 1987, when he stood down and took the post of Dishcloth. In 1992 he was awarded Best Human Scrubbing Brush with the 'Largest Brush in the World... Mmmm' award from the Desperate Housewives Association. In his 70-minute speech he thanked his eco-friendly Toyota Drivewell for "everything".
The Piers Morgan Face-Punching Moment[edit]
Clarkson is renowned for allegedly punching the notorious British newspaper gibbon Piers Morgan in the face. There is, however, much controversy as to what actually happened. Some commentators argue that it was not Morgan, but an overweight, devious and pompous hobgoblin who was the unfortunate punchee. Others argue that Morgan is in fact secretly that very hobgoblin. And others still say it was not Clarkson but Morgan himself who punched himself in the face after finally realizing, against all the odds and his own IQ, how much of an insufferable twat he was (and is). It is widely agreed by people who know about these things, however, that Morgan could not have under any circumstances told the truth about anything, as this would lead to the End of the World as we know it. If it was Clarkson, then it would be the greatest achievement of his to date. Along with seducing The Stig into having tantric sex with him in a Dodge Viper. After this incident, many groups are calling for a fight to the death between these parties, perhaps enabling the public to chose which they hate the least (tough choice), or perhaps the only way to get them back into one confined space so that they can both be disposed of as quickly as possible.
In the Family Way[edit]
Clarkson caused a storm on the BBC7 show In the Family Way, on which famous Britons hang around the Public Records Office and annoy the staff until they are told who their relatives might have been and what they did. On the programme, broadcast in 2005 and somehow deemed worthy of a repeat in 2006 (but never again, thankfully), Clarkson discovered that he was the progeny of a cosmetic guidance counsellor from Transylvania and a giant lobster from Bournemouth. He then spent 40 minutes of the programme shouting at people, telling them the news, before jumping into a Lamborghini and knocking over a telephone box and some bollards. That's what caused the storm: his careless driving disturbed the fine meteorological balance of the Earth, and it didn't stop raining for days. There was a gusty old wind and everything.
In September 2010, Clarkson announced to the Daily Snob that he will launch his own brand of Jeremy Clarkson cheeses, with a special ale to compliment each cheese. If this goes well, Clarkson hopes to start selling a range of signed underwear the following year that will be available in all John Lewis stores.
Clarkson was voted 'Best Birdsnest' by everyone in 2006. He was also voted 'World's Biggest Imbecile' by The Green Party. Jeremy Clarkson responded to this plainly outrageous accusation in an editorial by calling the Green Party 'a bunch of namby-pamby, wishy-washy, toohtless [sic], tree-hugging, veg-head weird-beards, who wouldn't know green if it came up and bit them in the bollocks'. A week later, after responding to criticism from the BBC, Clarkson offered an 'Unreserved Apology' to the Green Party, saying that 'I spelt "toothless" wrong'.
Jeremy Clarkson - 2008 - Also won the award for most "In the worlds" ever said which when asked said it was his most prized award...In the world.
Clarkson won the award for Belly which Looks most like a Monkeys Face in 2008. Many argue he also has a 'face which looks most like a monkeys face'. After receiving his award, he was not very happy. He therefore raged, and decided to rape Richard Hammond in the back of his flying caravan.
Jeremy Clarkson and his wife have come under fire recently for their 'Stay Over 50' campaign, which knee-jerk liberals have condemned as old-age discrimination. But in a statement to the press in 2005, Husband Clarkson gave the true meaning behind the slogan and apologised for any confusion caused. It hasn't stopped most of the media from laughing at the stupidity of Clarkson's efforts to get people to drive faster than 50mph. Jeremy is alleged to have had an affair with the popular Nissan Micra, as reported by Jeff Wayne News.
In the Sunday Times of 28 December 2008, Jeremy Clarkson said that 'given the option he would rather lose his right testicle than have a Caterham R500'. As a result, six Caterhams have been delivered to him. Police are now investigating allegations that he should have returned at least four of them. How he can lose four right testicles is a mystery to everyone but Clarkson's wife. Some have mentioned his other two love spuds, which acompany the obvious dick pointing out of his rather large forehead.
In Popular Culture[edit]
Jeremy Clarkson has been featured as the protagonist in the video game Crysis Warhead. His in-game nanosuit is rumoured to be based on his curly hair, which is said to have high tensile strength and can contract when subject to an electrical current.
Jeremy Clarkson is responsible for the invention of the penis (being one himself), back in the late 1850s. This is often heralded as the greatest invention of humanity, as Adam and Eve were getting on a bit and we needed some more attractive hookers.
Top Gear Trivia[edit]
It's a little known fact that while filming editions of his groundbreaking, award winning and innovative TV programme Top Gear, Clarkson gives away substantial sums of his own money to complete strangers to act as studio audience members (with the stipulation that those standing at the front must be female aged about 19 have straight blonde hair and big tits); and who are paid on a piece work basis to alternatively laugh like drains or grin inanely at his wonderfully witty, sharp and original observations on cyclists, bus lanes, caravans, speed cameras, global warming, foreigners, and any car which doesn't cost the combined GDPs of Bolivia and also Canada.
The World According to Clarkson (that is if you don't mind my uneducated opinion) by Jeremy Clarkson
The World According to Clarkson Volume 2 (I'm so glad you liked my first one, but you can put this one down at any time you wish) by Jeremy Clarkson
The Best Accordions of Clarkson...In The WORLD by Jeremy Clarkson
A Right Royal Fuck Over by Jeremy Clarkson
Bitches Be Tripp'n: Thoughts on Life by Jeremy Clarkson, Bruce Lee, and Christopher George Latore Wallace with a preface by Boba Fett
Mein Klarksen - German issue of The World According to Clarkson
Tit Soup - a pornographic insight into the life and times of Kristen Scott Thomas
The HSBC Annual compiled by Jeremy Clarkson, Sharon Rose, John C. McGinley and a dishcloth
The Roadkill cookbook with Jeremy Clarkson and Angelos Epithemiou
This one bloke who claims to have met him in the pub and thought he was a "fuckin' wanker"
See Also[edit]
- Hamster
- Mop
- The Stig
- Flop Gear
- Global Warming
- Wind turbine
- HowTo:Tell the Difference between an American and a European car
- A A Gill


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The Collected Poetry of Paul Laurence Dunbar : | ||
Caught Susanner whistlin'; well,It 's most nigh too good to tell.
'Twould 'a' b'en too good to see
Ef it had n't b'en fur me,
Comin' up so soft an' sly
That she didn' hear me nigh.
I was pokin' 'round that day,
An' ez I come down the way,
First her whistle strikes my ears,—
Then her gingham dress appears;
So with soft step up I slips.
Oh, them dewy, rosy lips!
Ripe ez cherries, red an' round,
Puckered up to make the sound.
She was lookin' in the spring,
Whistlin' to beat anything,—
"Kitty Dale" er "In the Sweet."
I was jest so mortal beat
That I can't quite ricoleck
What the toon was, but I 'speck
'T was some hymn er other, fur
Hymny things is jest like her.
Well she went on fur awhile
With her face all in a smile,
An' I never moved, but stood
Stiller 'n a piece o' wood—
Would n't wink ner would n't stir,
But a-gazin' right at her,
Tell she turns an' sees me—my!
Thought at first she 'd try to fly.
But she blushed an' stood her ground.
Then, a-slyly lookin' round,
She says: "Did you hear me, Ben?"
"Whistlin' woman, crowin' hen,"
Says I, lookin' awful stern.
Then the red commenced to burn
In them cheeks o' hern. Why, la!
Reddest red you ever saw—
Pineys wan'n't a circumstance.
She was pow'rful shamed an' skeart;
But she looked so sweet an' peart,
That a idee struck my head;
So I up an' slowly said:
"Woman whistlin' brings shore harm,
Jest one thing 'll break the charm."
"And what 's that?" "Oh, my!" says I,
"I don't like to tell you." "Why?"
Says Susanner. "Well, you see
It would kinder fall on me."
Course I knowed that she 'd insist,—
So I says: "You must be kissed
By the man that heard you whistle;
Everybody says that this 'll
Break the charm and set you free
From the threat'nin' penalty."
She was blushin' fit to kill,
But she answered, kinder still:
"I don't want to have no harm,
Please come, Ben, an' break the charm."
Did I break that charm?—oh, well,
There 's some things I must n't tell.
I remember, afterwhile,
Her a-sayin' with a smile:
"Oh, you quit,—you sassy dunce,
You jest caught me whistlin' once."
Ev'ry sence that when I hear
Some one whistlin' kinder clear,
I most break my neck to see
Ef it 's Susy; but, dear me,
I jest find I 've b'en to chase
Some blamed boy about the place.
Dad 's b'en noticin' my way,
An' last night I heerd him say:
"We must send fur Dr. Glenn,
Mother; somethin 's wrong with Ben!"
The Collected Poetry of Paul Laurence Dunbar : | ||


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Panasonic preps samples of next-gen ReRAM devices, NAND preps for early retirement
The Galaxy S III may rock an impressive battery life, but if Panasonic has its way, even greater benchmarks could be on the horizon. The company is ready to start making samples of a new ReRAM microcontroller, and -- like Sharp and Elpida -- it could start mass production as soon as next year. Here's a little refresher: ReRAM is a new kind of memory with re-write speeds far superior to NAND because it doesn't need power to hold onto information. Panny's chip will initially be used in simple devices like fire alarms, but the tech could eventually find its way into our TVs and even smartphones and tablets. But seriously, are we even capable of living in a NAND-free world?


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Absentee Landlords
The house at 100 Mt. Pleasant Avenue in Roxbury is quiet on a Wednesday afternoon in late August, which is a nice change. You can barely make out the gorgeous wooden frame of the late-19th-century home, as its façade has been stuccoed over, giving it the appearance of a concrete bunker. The effect is enhanced by the large pieces of cardboard and garbage bags that have been placed over the windows. The coverings are there for a reason: The house, which sits on a quiet stretch of street just a few blocks from Blue Hill Avenue, is a haven for prostitutes and their clients. The building's reported owner and "manager," Fard Ahmed, has been renting out rooms by the hour for nearly a decade, according to neighbors. He's so brazen about it, in fact, that he's posted signs instructing customers to choose between two-hour and five-hour payment plans.
The quiet quickly dissipates as Boston police enter the home, and the city's Inspectional Services Department finds a string of violations: structural issues, decaying floors, and frighteningly haphazard electrical wiring.
Ahmed is busy arguing with the inspectors on his stoop when a red Mercedes station wagon pulls up alongside the building. The driver stops and rolls down the window. "It only took you nine years," he calls out sarcastically. "I used to live in the house next door. I had to move."
Across the street, Leanora Whitted stands in her driveway, watching as Ahmed is served papers telling him that the city is shutting him down. She says prostitutes used to scream at their johns when they weren't paid, and "customers" would honk their car horns in the middle of the night, waking her or her children and grandchildren. "We're disgusted with the activity," she says. "We've heard promises, promises, promises for so long. If this gets taken care of, this neighborhood might have a chance."
Ahmed's case is an extreme one, to be sure. The task force doesn't claim that all of the landlords on the list are running brothels or knowingly harboring drug dealers; if anything, they're barely around. Nor does it claim that all the residents of the properties are breaking the law. But one thing is for certain: that properties in gross disrepair, with largely transient tenants and absentee owners, breed trouble.
Ahmed's ramshackle building certainly isn't the first of its kind in Roxbury. Jane Jacobs, in her iconic book The Death and Life of Great American Cities, singled out the neighborhood back in 1961, saying that the crime there would "induce prudent people to stay off the sidewalks at night" and as a result, "it's become a place to leave." Jacobs is often portrayed as a civic-minded sociologist happiest when butting heads with authority. But George Kelling, author of the broken-windows theory, says much of his thinking in criminology is indebted to her. "She's my hero," he says. "I think there's a direct line of thinking in how we conceived of the eyes on the street."
In many ways, the task force is the next step in a more nuanced, intellectualized approach to fighting crime. And even some high-profile critics of its forebear — broken windows — say they see real potential. Harvard sociology professor Robert Sampson, for example, calls the new program "very intriguing." Not that Sampson says it's perfect. He and other experts express concern that stationing police cruisers around the clock will exacerbate fears in communities that are already intimidated by cops. They also question just how effective a landlord can actually be at identifying criminal activity. Finally, they wonder whether encouraging property owners to be hypervigilant will wind up making law-abiding tenants feel as though they're under surveillance.
Still, Sampson says he's comforted by the city's extensive use of data. And, he says, demonstrating that there are real-life consequences for landlords' actions can create an awareness that property ownership means something larger than just shoveling the sidewalks while cocaine dealers move blow out of your units. When you're a good neighbor, other neighbors take notice, and it creates a sense of collective efficacy, Sampson says, a notion that you can tackle problems together. So while the task force's emphasis on landlords will play an important role, it stands to reason that the community must accept and embrace the program in order for anything to really change.
To the city, it's obvious where to place the blame for problem buildings. "As a responsible landlord, you know what's going on in your property," Menino said in July at the press conference introducing the task force. Menino used the occasion to single out Edward Franco, who owns that house at 102 Blue Hill Avenue that was the recipient of the flashing sign. "This guy's totally irresponsible," Menino said. "A hundred and five [police] calls? That's wrong."
After the press conference, Franco became the city's poster child for absentee landlords. Newspapers flashed his name across their pages, and police investigated violations at his 16 other buildings around the city, collectively valued at more than $6 million. Since his public flogging, Franco's been working with the police to ensure that his drug-dealing tenants have been removed and that his other buildings stay off their radar. "It was quite embarrassing, to say the least," he says of all the attention.
Like many landlords, Franco sees problem buildings as an issue with no real solution. Crime in troubled neighborhoods, he says, is beyond his control. "A large part of the Dorchester and Roxbury area is always problematic. Today it's 102 Blue Hill [Avenue], next summer it might be a building on Bragdon Street or Washington Street. It's musical chairs here. There are always problems in the inner city for a variety of reasons."
Franco insists he was unaware of the number of police calls to his property, and didn't know the police department posted online crime reports. According to a police spokesperson, however, officers contact landlords whenever an incident occurs in or around their property. That landlords so often fail to take action, the spokesperson said, is a large reason why the task force exists.
Local landlord associations have publicly supported the task force, recognizing that one rotten landlord can give them all a bad name. But privately, they say Menino's been struggling to deal with problem tenants for years, and point to a series of his initiatives that haven't been enforced. There were the Green Ticket laws meant to go after building owners who failed to remove trash and snow. The limit of four students to an apartment was supposed to curb noise. And the rental reinspection ordinance promised that recently vacated apartments would be held to city standards.
Many landlords don't feel they should shoulder the blame for their tenants' behavior, particularly when occupants who destroy property or refuse to pay rent can make the property owner's life a living hell. "We're an easily vilified group," says Skip Schloming, the head of Small Property Owners of America, an association based in Cambridge.
Instead of cracking down on landlords, he says, the city should push for stronger state laws to ensure that landlords have more recourse when it comes to dealing with difficult tenants. "The problem-properties legislation that the city passed is an open declaration to the public that our police and our noise ordinances are not working," Schloming says. "In the case of the problem property, the cost of the [police] details is going to wipe out the income" for the landlords.
Both Schloming's group and the larger Greater Boston Real Estate Board want a state-level bill passed that would create escrow accounts for instances when tenants have cause for withholding rent. And they want to overhaul the eviction laws in order to speed up the process. If there's a problem tenant, Schloming asks, will penalizing the owner necessarily translate to results? "Can the city do anything more than a landlord [can] in the present legal environment? They can't evict tenants any faster."
But Kathy Brown of the Boston Tenant Coalition says that an effort to change the eviction laws is nothing more than a diversion tactic. "The real estate lobby for years has been trying to change the laws," she says. Brown dismisses the notion that eviction proceedings take too long to be effective. "The facts say otherwise." She points to a study conducted by the Massachusetts Law Reform Institute that found that 92 percent of evictions go through in 30 days or less.
But Councilor Feeney insists that housing court can be a speed bump for the task force. In the time it takes for an eviction to go through, she says, properties can fester. Some landlords would rather continue dealing with problem tenants whose rent is covered, even if the money may come from illegal activities like drug dealing, than expend time and money going through court proceedings. Feeney hopes to start working with state legislators and the real estate board to get problem-property cases fast-tracked through housing court.
For his part, Franco has installed fences and cameras around the building at 102 Blue Hill Avenue. He's evicted the tenants from one unit and is trying to oust some from another. He now receives e-mails from the police whenever one of his properties is cited, and he says the communication is helping him better manage his business. Still, he says the city's attempts to fine landlords like him, or charge them for a police detail, amount to an added tax. "Fining the landlords: It's like fining the rape victim for being raped," he says.
That's not the type of comment that gives landlords a good name.
In just a few hours, Darryl Smith is going to shut down Fard Ahmed, the owner of the building that rents out rooms in two- and five-hour blocks. But right now, on a gorgeous afternoon in late August, the assistant commissioner of the city's Inspectional Services Department is leading a motley group around Roxbury on one of his biweekly walk-throughs with the city's new Neighborhood Response Team. Today he's accompanied by several community organizers, Police Captain John Davin, and a group of brand-new teachers from nearby Orchard Gardens K–8 school.
If the Problem Properties Task Force is the city's last-ditch effort for dealing with troublesome landlords, this response team may be the first line of defense. Their physical presence on the street — talking with residents, following up on complaints, reviewing inspections to see if violations have been fixed — is an attempt to prevent homes from getting onto the task force's list in the first place. For the past few weeks, Smith has been weaving his way along the side streets of Blue Hill Avenue. Today he stops to check in with a group of women who live beside an empty, rodent-infested lot. "They're Shaq-sized rats," they tell him, which is particularly awful given the lot's proximity to a playground. "For 55 years I've been dealing with all the bullshit right here," says one of the women. "For years I've been fighting with Inspectional Services."
"I understand that a lot of people have done a lot of things wrong for many years," Smith says calmly. "Hopefully we have a team here who can help you deal with some of those things."
Smith says his aim isn't just to crack down on terrible property owners who make life miserable for their neighbors. His goal is help change the community, giving residents a sense of control over their environment.
"It isn't just about one house," he says. "It's also a type of culture that has been able to permeate the neighborhood. We're trying to help a community that's struggling with apathy. They feel like they've been living in a hostage situation."
Smith then takes the group over to 102 Blue Hill Avenue, where the building manager, Jerome Frazier, gives Captain Davin an update: The highway sign is gone, the building's front door is now plastered with "no trespassing" signs, and a huge wooden privacy fence has been erected around the yard. Seeing the group assembled outside, a man in a gray tank top wanders over and starts asking questions in Spanish. An ESL teacher at the elementary school translates: "He lives next door, but his niece lives in the building," she explains. "Now that the fence is up, he wants to know if he can build a sandbox in the yard for her kids."
"You're going to have to talk to the landlord," Frazier says.
Good fences are said to make good neighbors. But can the city's new program do the same? Can it produce landlords who are engaged and feel a responsibility to the community? That remains to be seen. The task force, informed and well intentioned as it may be, is only just out of the gate.


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5 Year Blogiversary Celebration – China Glaze Capitol Colours Giveaway
To help celebrate ALU's fifth birthday the awesome people at China Glaze are giving you the gift of polish. Hunger Games nail polish!! That's right, two lucky readers will win the ENTIRE China Glaze Capitol Colours nail polish collection. Are you excited??
Keep reading for the official rules and how to enter…
Use the form below to enter. Answering the question will earn you two entries into the giveaway. Entering the giveaway using Facebook and Twitter will earn you up to an additional five entries. May the odds be ever in your favor!
a Rafflecopter giveaway
The approximate value of the prize is $84.00. This prize is non-transferable. There are no cash or other substitutes of prizes by winner. All Lacquered Up reserves the right to substitute similar prizes of equal or greater value in the event the above prize is unavailable for any reason. Individual, parent, or legal guardian of the winner is solely responsible for all applicable federal, state and local taxes with respect to the grand prize. Prize will be mailed to the winner's physical mailing address. Please allow six (6) to eight (8) weeks for delivery.
By entering or accepting the prize in this contest, winner agrees to be bound by these Official Rules, Terms, and Conditions and to conform to all federal, state and local laws and regulations.
No purchase necessary to enter or win. This contest runs from February 21st, 2012 through February 27th, 2012 at 12:01AM EST.
This contest is open to US residents only unless prohibited by their local state. Prizes won by minors will be awarded to their parent or legal guardian on their behalf. For reference, the age of majority is 18 years old in the United States, with the exception of Alabama (19), Delaware (19), Mississippi (21), and Nebraska (19). The number of eligible entries received determines the odds of winning.
How to Win
Two (2) winners will be selected through a random drawing from all eligible entries after contest closes. In the event that the original winners do not meet eligibility requirements or he/she forfeits the prize, the prize may be awarded to the next randomly drawn eligible participant. All entries must be received on or before February 27th, 2012 at 12:01AM EST. The winners will be notified via e-mail or message (as applicable). Winners will have 48 hours to claim prize after initial notification. If winner fails to claim within 48 hours, an alternative winner may be selected.


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Today I announce the first results of this year's Camera of the Year awards. This award goes to cameras introduced during the 2012 calendar year. While it's possible that cameras introduced in 2010 and 2011 might conceivably be better than this year's new ones, that's generally not the case, and certainly not the case in this category, as the bar moved considerably from where we were in 2011. Thus, I can say with some certainty, that I believe the winner I chose is right now simply the best overall entry mirrorless camera, period.
Note that I wrote "overall." One problem with photography gear is that there isn't a "perfect at everything" product out there. It's very important that you understand what things you need from and value most in a camera, as your pick may be different than mine because your needs are different.
To remind everyone, earlier this month I nominated four cameras in this category as potential winners from the seven possible contenders:
- Canon EOS M
- Olympus E-PM2
- Panasonic GF5
- Samsung NX-1000
I suspect my choice will surprise quite a few people. But I vote with my money (and pocket, where this camera often resides).
My winner for 2012 is the Panasonic GF5.
Yes, that's despite the lowest pixel count (12mp versus 16-20mp for the others). Yes, that's despite not having features that the others might have (phase detect autofocus, WiFi, etc.). So what then vaults the GF5 to the top?
It's the mix of things, actually. It's the smallest of the bunch and has some of the best build quality. Compared to the E-PM2 it's slightly smaller and has a more robust build quality. The hand position tops the E-PM2, too, as does the built-in flash versus add-on flash of the E-PM2. Some might prefer the sensor stabilization of the E-PM2, but that's really only going to come into play if you're going well beyond the kit lens (which implies you might want the other category of camera, Best Serious Mirrorless Camera).
Other than perhaps battery and continuous movement autofocus performance, there's nothing that really disappoints me about the GF5, and none of the other contenders top it in those things. The GF5 fits nicely in my jacket pockets with the 14-42mm X lens. The images I get out of it are perfectly fine for up to 11" prints, even larger with some care. There's a no-nonsense quality about it, as if someone actually designed it to purpose, not a list of marketing specs. The iA setting works well enough that I can hand the camera to someone else and expect a decent picture as a result.
I've dragged my GF5 through Alaska and Wyoming backcountry this year, plus a far amount of front-country, too. It still looks new, and it's never let me down.
Does the GF5 have a drawback? Probably the biggest issue I find with JPEG shooting is that it has a tendency towards a cool white balance. If you're paying attention and know what you're doing, you've got a two-axis ability to move white balance color, which you can do quickly via the touchscreen.
So what about the other contenders?
I wanted to like the Canon EOS M, but ultimately, it does disappoint me in several ways. Like the GF5, the body design is rugged and straightforward, which was a great start. But with the kit zoom, it starts to be a fairly large camera by comparison and it's not really delivering on many of its promises (phase detect autofocus, for example). If I did more high ISO work the EOS M would have a bit more impact, but the two available lenses hold it back from fully exploiting that. Yes, I know I can use the EOS adapter to use regular Canon DSLR lenses, but that adds more size and weight, and now we're really starting to move away from "entry," plus we're not getting DSLR focus performance for the money, either. Close, but the cigar isn't lit.
The Samsung is a camera I enjoyed and it, too, accompanied me to Alaska this year. I'm very happy with the image quality out of this camera. The body's a little bigger and the material it's made from too slick, though. The WiFi is a nice addition, but it's modal (you don't shoot with WiFi active and have the camera automatically move images). There are gimmicks in the pantry: the iFn button is less useful than Samsung markets it to be. One big drawback that hurt it in this year's voting was the kit lens: unstabilized and a bit restrictive. Yes, you can put a stabilized version on the camera, but then we get the APS curse: bigger and heavier. Plus you're buying something beyond the entry kit. Closer, but the cigar still didn't light.
The Olympus E-PM2 is a bit of a dual personality: superb image quality, but a low quality feel to the rest of it. The whole "menu" system feels artificial and a bit condescending to me. The actual menus are hidden behind a facade of graphic/photo oriented handholding. That might seem fine for a while, but it gets old fast. Like the other Olympii, in the default settings you have to watch out for the "accidental setting" happening. To me, that's a no-no in an entry camera. Set easily and stay set, please. As a backup to a higher end Olympus m4/3 camera, the E-PM2 makes pocket sense (both in the pocketbook and pocketable sense). But as a compact user moving up to mirrorless entry? Not so much. Cigar almost lit, but fizzled.
All of this year's nominees are good cameras. One of the three that didn't win might be better for you if you have a specific need. But after a lot of use of these cameras, I found I kept coming back to one: the GF5.
So congratulations to Panasonic on the GF5, my choice for this year's award. I actually have even higher hopes for the upcoming GF7 (Panasonic will skip the 6 number for superstitious reasons). Stick in the GH3 sensor and add a useful feature or two, and Panasonic should have another winner.


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The mass graves are hidden in the darkening shade of a hard-to-reach banana plantation, high up a mountain above the cloud line, at the end of a treacherous dirt track slippery with mud and animal dung.
Those who survived say they did not go to the meeting called by Rwandan soldiers.
The Congolese Hutu peasants who did were brought out of the thatched-roof meeting house two by two, to be bludgeoned to death with their own hoes, picks and axes. Some 300 villagers died that morning of Oct. 20, 1996, according to the local Observation Center for Human Rights and Social Assistance.
The story of the 1994 genocide of more than a half million Tutsis slaughtered by Hutus in Rwanda has been told in the world's press, in books and in movies such as "Hotel Rwanda." But the subsequent slaughter of Hutus in neighboring Congo is little known, and its perpetrators never have been brought to justice. The discovery of mass graves prompted investigations that led to a controversial U.N. report published on Oct. 1, which accuses invading Rwandan troops of killing tens of thousands of Hutus in 1996 and 1997.
"There are many, many such mass graves. We've identified 30 just in this Rutshuru district, but our research indicates that this was the first massacre committed by Rwandan troops," the center's coordinator, Herve Nsabimana, said beside the banana trees.
Many victims told their wives to take the youngest children and hide in the fields. Today, Musekera is a village of widows. The only man over 50 was at a nearby health center during the massacre.
Matata Ihigihugo has relatives in three mass graves: her husband and two sons in the one reserved for males, a sister in the women's grave, and her 8-year-old daughter in the one where children's small bodies were buried.
"They killed all my people. I have no life left," said Ihigihugo, who thinks she is 40 but looks many years older.
She objected to being asked to name her massacred family. "Why do you ask me to call out the names of those who are dead?" she demanded. "There can be no peace for me until they are properly buried."
It was the Rwandan Tutsi soldiers, led by now-president Paul Kagame, who as rebels ended Rwanda's 1994 genocide. But they now are accused of vengeful massacres of Hutus when they took the war into Congo.
Roberto Garreton, a Chilean lawyer who for eight years was the U.N. special rapporteur in Congo, told The Associated Press that his first report detailing massacres by Kagame's troops involved Hutus killed in Rwanda in 1994. He said the United Nations suppressed that report, apparently because of embarrassment and guilt that it did nothing to stop the genocide. The United Nations initially denied the existence of the report, which later was leaked.
After the Tutsi rebels triumphed and took over Rwanda's government, Kagame became vice president and defense minister. He sent troops into Congo in 1996 — although he denied it at the time — in an invasion that led to the ouster of Congo's longtime dictator, Mobutu Sese Seko.
U.N. reports in 1997 and 1998, including one by Garreton, blamed a coalition of Congolese rebel forces that Kagame later admitted were commanded by Rwandan officers for massacres of Hutus, and said they were on a scale to suggest a possible genocide. Then-U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan responded by asking Congo and Rwanda to investigate the allegations — basically to investigate themselves.
The evidence later became too big to sweep under the carpet. In 2005, U.N. peacekeepers uncovered mass graves in east Congo of hundreds of civilians believed to have been executed by Rwandan soldiers. The discovery prompted renewed investigations that culminated in the latest U.N. report, which said the killings in Congo were so systematic that a court could consider it genocide.
The report recommends that those responsible be punished but doesn't name names. Congo has said it is willing to establish a transnational court to punish those responsible. After months of denials that Rwandan troops were in Congo, Kagame took ownership of the invasion, admitting he had planned and ordered it. Among officers commanding the coalition forces was Joseph Kabila, now president of Congo.
Last month, 40 Congolese police officers and a few army military investigators completed a course in forensic science that trained them to find evidence in mass graves. It was paid for by the U.S. State Department and organized by the American Bar Association. The training was led by Peruvian forensic anthropologist Jose Pablo Baraybari, who has investigated massacres in Bosnia.
The trainees worked on dummies set up on mock graves, Elysee Sindayigaya said from the bar association's office in Goma, eastern Congo. "We're making representations to the government of Congo to try to get access to real mass graves, but it's very sensitive."
Kagame, whose reputation is pegged to the moral high ground of having stopped Rwanda's Hutu-led genocide while U.N. peacekeepers and the international community did nothing, tried to get the latest report quashed by threatening to withdraw Rwandan troops from U.N. peacekeeping operations in several countries, including the commander of the forces in Darfur, Sudan. The report was published with some language moderated, but the reference to possible genocide remained. Its publication was delayed to include lengthy rebuttals from Rwanda and Congo.
Rwanda's Foreign Minister Louise Mushikiwabo calls the report "an attempt to rewrite history" and "flawed and dangerous."
Kagame has succeeded in the past in stifling similar accusations.
"The question now is the same question there was then: Is there the political will to identify the killers and bring them to justice?" asked Reed Brody, a former deputy U.N. investigator who helped write the 1998 report.
Human rights activists say Kagame's allies in the U.S. and British governments, which pour aid into Rwanda and have used it as a platform to dilute French influence in the region, don't want him investigated. Many fear digging further could destabilize the already volatile Central African region.
Kagame was trained at the U.S. Army Command and Staff College at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, in 1990. Once he came into power, the U.S. Special Forces trained Rwandan troops before, during and after the invasion of Congo — even as U.N. and other investigators reported their alarm at alleged atrocities by the government soldiers.
Kagame has said his invasion of Congo was aimed at dismantling massive refugee camps that sheltered both Rwandan Hutu refugees and perpetrators of the genocide. At the time, reporters documented how the camps were being militarized by genocide perpetrators who used them as launch pads for cross-border raids into Rwanda.
Many times, Kagame urged the United Nations to separate the armed men from the refugees and dismantle the camps. Kagame has said that in 1996 he warned the United States and the United Nations that if they would not do it, he would.
A 1997 Human Rights Watch report that sought to identify commanders of the massacres said James Kabarebe, who became Rwanda's defense minister in April, was the most senior Rwandan officer in Congo during the invasion. Messages left at Rwanda's Ministry of Defense got no response to requests for a comment.
Kagame has said most of those who died were genocide perpetrators. But the new U.N. report says Rwandan troops routinely invited refugees or villagers to meetings and then slaughtered them.
"The extensive use of edged weapons (primarily hammers) and the apparently systematic nature of the massacres of survivors after the camps had been taken suggests that the numerous deaths cannot be attributed to the hazards of war or seen as equating to collateral damage," the report says, adding that most victims were "children, women, elderly people and the sick."
Like the report, Brody noted that the impunity established then has helped fuel violence in Congo that persists to this day.
"The fact that these killings of tens of thousands, if not more, went utterly unpunished, the fact that there was clearly not the political will to identify the authors of these massacres and to bring them to justice, has facilitated the cycle of violence," he said.
Brody said his own investigation in 1997 and 1998 was obstructed by Congo's government and by the U.S. Embassy in Kinshasa, the Congolese capital.
"We were asking the U.S. for information, for satellite photos we knew existed of the refugee camps. We never got a thing," he said. Requests for interviews about the role the United States military and its diplomats played during Rwanda's invasion of Congo all were referred to the U.S. State Department, which did not respond to questions. U.S. ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice, who was assistant secretary of state for African affairs from 1997, refused a request for an interview.
Brody said that while Washington probably felt tremendous guilt for not doing anything to stop the 1994 genocide and was glad that Rwanda helped rid Congo of Mobutu, "at the same time there were these thousands of cold-blooded unforgivable murders of, for the most part, unarmed people."
Uncovering the graves, proving how people were killed and even perhaps identifying them could bring closure for people like Ihigihugo, one of the widows of Musekera.
"There can be no rest for people buried like that," she said of the mass graves. "Giving a proper burial to my family also would put my heart at rest."


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Congrats on the release, Russ! And thanks for the Halloween treat!
This is a very, very small mission I began in 2003 and worked on only occasionally, but I decided a week ago to finish it for Halloween since it's got a nice spooky atmosphere.
A hundred miles east of The City, on the coast atop high cliffs, lies an ancient tomb which is one of the last remaining vestiges of the Ruthymian culture which occupied these lands centuries ago. You have long considered going there to plunder its wealth, but due to its age, have generally assumed that any treasure was likely scavenged ages ago.
Then recently, you came across the writings of a Professor Albrecht Hinatharxus, who died nearly 20 years ago and was The City's most respected expert on the Ruthymians. This passage in the article caught your eye:
It appears to have been the custom to build a second, well-hidden treasure chamber in most tombs used for royalty, and King Abedzen should have been no exception. The chamber entrance was typically opened via a clever mechanism disguised with a puzzle. Upon exploring the tomb some 7 years past, however, I could find no trace of it, although I know it was there, probably still full of Ruthymian artifacts.
Even more curious, upon instructions in his last testament, Hinatharxus himself was buried in the graveyard outside of Abedzen's tomb. Perhaps it's time to pay a visit to the good professor, and the old king...
Gameplay Notes
- This mission REQUIRES NewDark v1.23 or higher.
- This mission requires a lot of interaction between objects in your inventory and objects in the world. If an object moves out in front of you when you frob it from inventory, it probably has such a use, and typically will be used on an object in the world which highlights but appears to do nothing when you frob it.
- Take clues seriously, whether spoken by Garrett or in the form of new objectives. It is possible to get into a situation where the mission can't be completed and requires a restart if you're not careful. Given the tiny size of the mission, this doesn't represent a significant time investment, but you should still take care and put thought into your actions.
- You have a new light tool in this mission, a small number of glowstones. They work very similarly to flares: frob in inventory and it becomes a lit object you can drop or throw, except it stays lit forever. You can pick them back up, but cannot douse them once lit and cannot return them to inventory, so pick a lit one up only to move it. Of course you are fully lit and exposed when holding one, and they make noise when dropped or thrown, so use with caution, but this mission is quite dark so you may find them useful. Note: They will also highlight things in the mission which may spoil future events, such as making traps and secret doors noticeable, so if you prefer to be surprised, you may want to avoid using them. Just a fair warning.
Textures: Eshaktaar, Vigil and Morrgan, Return To Castle Wolfenstein, T2skies, and the EP2
Objects: Daraan, CoSaS, Vigil, R Soul, NamelessVoice, Saturnine, Targa, and the EP2
Voice of Garrett: SlyFoxx
Ambient Music: Steve Roach - Rapt In Darkness, Below Always, Deadwood
Ambient Sounds: Sounddogs
Thanks to the Testers: Tannar, Nightwalker, Random_Taffer, and freddyfox
Update: Version 1.1 released Feb 2 2016
This update has no mission changes, but merely includes the necessary scripts which were left out of the original. This only affected players who don't already have them installed. If you use Tafferpatcher to install T2, you already have them but downloading this update won't hurt anything.
Update: Version 1.2 released Mar 5 2016
Updated to include French translation by Apiai.
Download Links
Southquarter: http://www.southquarter.com/downloads/2016/KAT_v1_2.zip
Darkfate: http://download.darkfate.org/fan-mis...b/KAT_v1_2.zip
Last edited by Yandros; 6th Mar 2016 at 10:53. Reason: Updated for v1.2
Congrats on the release, Russ! And thanks for the Halloween treat!
Link not working
Try it now, fortuni. Brethren added an extra underscore in the URL he sent me, but the one in the original post works for me now.
Many thanks to you Yandros for this new Fm !
Congratulations on the release, Russ! It was a lot of fun to play.
Since we are supposed to have crappy weather tomorrow, the entire region decided to move trick or treating up to tonight. Seriously. So, no Thief until later, much later and I need to finish Cardia's latest.
I'm going to save this for tomorrow. I'll be home alone in the rain & dark. Sounds perfect!!
fun mission,thank you making it
Last edited by downwinder; 30th Oct 2015 at 21:02.
Stuck at the beginning, i have used the book inside the coffin to translate the writing at the sealed door wall what am i suppose to do now?
You need to figure out how to get into the tomb now.
Hint 1: Find a suitable tool.
Hint 2: Figure out what to do with it to open the door.
Full spoiler: Find the crowbar in the corner of the graveyard, behind a small crypt. At the main tomb entrance, notice that the gap on the right side of the door highlights. Frob it with the crowbar to pry the door open.
Thanks! Was hoping for some Halloween ones this year
Finished it, it's a decent small sized mission. It's greatest strength is its presentation, more specifically the lighting and contrast used throughout the mission. The puzzles weren't that bad, though it's a bit hard to see where you can use the crowbar and falling into a hole to get some hints is counter intuitive too. I also didn't like that the tokens required a bit too much pixel hunting, though it was offset by having lights that burn forever and the small size of the area you have to look in. It's enjoyable, and I definitely look forward to what you're releasing next!
Thanks Dev_Anj, glad you enjoyed it. Definitely my design focus was on atmosphere and the puzzles, and perhaps creating a sense of uneasiness or fear, more than the usual stealth.
Thanks Yandros!
Enjoyed the atmosphere and the focus on light puzzle solving. Few notes;
1) The tomb door edge and crowbar were difficult to notice. I assumed a crowbar would likely be near the smaller tombs left behind from possible grave robbers, but many times it never caught my eye - blended into the scenery somehow. Might be the whiteness, or I'm just blind.
2) Loved the other man sneaking in and his eventual fate. Missed it the first time, which is fine, only figured something was up when I saw a corpse near the start that wasn't previously there.
3) After entering the tomb, the very first broken ceiling hole in the corridor can be climbed out from using a rope arrow on the wooden beam. Can get to some unwanted places around the outskirts.
4) I personally don't have any problems being forced into the giant hole except it looked like a death trap than a necessary venture, especially without any safety measures beforehand. I'd be interested in knowing how many players jump down there as a last resort.
Thanks for the new release, Yandros!
I really enjoyed this one. I had trouble with opening the professor's coffin.
Fen, that's because you jumped in and tried to open the lid while standing on it...
I find that out way near the end of the video. It's that old video game logic thing again. I'm so used to container-like objects being unblockable when they open, I never even thought to try opening it from the side.
I'm so trained on video game logic that sometimes the most obvious real-world logic passes me by completely.
Beautiful mission with good puzzles. I'm a little stuck under, but 30 minutes passed. It weighs a lot, but, really, very short. But professionalism does not spend on drink, and it is felt. It gives pleasure.
Buses all arriving at once. Thanks, Russ - will gird some loins before tucking in.
Hi Russ, and thanks for this treat !
I left the NVDifficultyDebug script on the starting point, that's all. That message only appears if you have the debug script OSM in your T2 directory, but it does no harm.
Fen, I finished watching your LP and it was fun as always (but still frustrating to see you miss things the first time through, but that's true of any LP). You happened to miss the first trap which was another fireball trap just outside the treasure room - the pressure plate is in the middle of the corridor, guess I should have made it on the sides.
Thanks to clearing and Lord Soth for the additional mirrors, first post has been updated.
I'm going to play this one at night. Congratulations on the release!


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There are two, slightly contradictory take aways from this game:
1) There are a lot of people that watched the Spurs look great in the regular season the last couple years but then look very beatable in the playoffs who think this Spurs team is like those. But there is a key difference — this Spurs team is a top three defensive team in the NBA. They are allowing 99.7 points per 100 possessions coming into this game (third best in the NBA, last season they were 11th).
Monday night the Spurs held a Thunder team averaging 107.1 points per 100 possessions to 99 per 100.
2) Don't read too far into this one game as a playoff preview. This was the Thunder's fourth game in five nights and it showed when Russell Westbrook is settling for jumpers and shoots 11-of-27 from the field. It shows when the Thunder have to play Derek Fisher 12 minutes (the more you see of him, the worse news it is for OKC). The Spurs bench was much fresher and better. And by the way, the Spurs were without Tony Parker.
The result of all this was a comfortable 105-93 Spurs win over the defending Western Conference champs.
The only message — don't assume the Thunder will be facing the Heat in the NBA finals just yet. The Spurs are not young but they will not go quietly into that good night. Manu Ginobili still rages against the dying of the light.
Early on this looked like it might be very different. The Thunder went on 16-2 run midway through the first quarter to go up by 13. The Spurs were the ones that didn't look crisp, giving too much space on defense, not rotating with energy and not hitting the glass (OKC opened on a 12-2 rebounding edge). It was 32-22 Thunder after one quarter.
But the Spurs bench was changing the energy of the game — Stephen Jackson and Manu Ginobili started making plays. Kawhi Leonard started knocking down jumpers (he had 9 points on 4-of-5 shooting in the second quarter. The Spurs went on an 11-0 run to tie the game, Gary Neal got in got in the act with a couple shots and suddenly the Spurs had won the second quarter 35-18.
The Thunder were settling for jumpers while the Spurs were getting the ball inside to Tiago Splitter — he shot 9-of-11 on the night for 21 points to go with his 10 rebounds.
Still, this was a three point game with 2:20 left in the third quarter because Westbrook found his touch and scored 13 in the quarter.
Then the benches came back in. And it was all Spurs. Boris Diaw knocked down a corner three. Manu Ginobili drove the lane for a lay-up bucket then stepped back off a pick and knocked down a three.
The Thunder turned the ball over on 20 percent of their possessions and didn't close out well on shooters all night (particularly the corner three). Do that and the Spurs are too good and too disciplined — they will make you pay.
What was disturbing mostly for Thunder fans was they just didn't have a lot of fight off their bench. San Antonio did a good job with their length of making it hard for Kevin Durant — he still had 26 points on 13 shots — but not Westbrook or anyone else could pick up the slack.
Danny Green added 16 and Leonard had 17 for the Spurs, who in their very Spurs way had six guys in double figures. No Tony Parker, no problem, everybody steps up. The Spurs have beaten the Thunder eight of the last nine in San Antonio, and with this win the Spurs are a full two games up on the Thunder in the race for the top spot in the West.
And that is another reason to consider the Spurs a serious threat to the Thunder when the playoffs start in a few weeks.


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Lime Honors Juneteenth
Lime continues to build upon a step we took for the first time last year - recognizing Juneteenth as a day of reflection in the United States. Juneteenth, also known as Jubilee Day or Freedom Day, commemorates the end of slavery in the United States on June 19th, 1865. The day is also now formally recognized as a federal holiday,
In honor of Juneteenth, our U.S. offices are closed today, allowing us to take the day to reflect on the horrendous history of slavery and celebrate the resilience and contributions of Black Americans, their descendants, and other historically enslaved groups across the world.
We are indebted to those Black Americans who not only survived the indescribable cruelties of slavery, but also fought and in many instances gave their lives in the struggle to end slavery in this country. That same fight for equality continues to this day. Racism, police brutality, and unequal treatment under the law remain a daily reality for Black and brown communities across the United States and beyond. Recognizing Juneteenth each year reaffirms our commitment and obligation to stand up and fight for the change we hope to see in our world. And as always, that change starts with ourselves and here at Lime.
Over the past year, we've made celebrating our differences and building an inclusive culture central to our mission, with guidance from BEAL (Black Excellence At Lime) and all of our Employee Resource Group leaders who continuously, support, and drive this important work. However, we also recognize that our work is far from complete, and to achieve our goals will require all of us to pitch in as we strive towards building a truly diverse and inclusive community that lives up to our ideals and aspirations.
We've always believed our hyper localized approach with cities has been key in allowing us to meet the unique needs of each community we serve. This commitment is why we're a sponsor of 'Juneteenth Weekend' in our home town of San Francisco, as the Bayview community celebrates the unity of Black San Francisco. Residents are coming together to celebrate not only Juneteenth, but also Father's Day, with a day filled with a Lil Miss Juneteenth pageant, various performances and supporting local vendors. We'll also be on site hosting tutorials for first-time riders, handing out helmets, and answering questions about micromobility.
We're taking the day to be introspective, to deepen our understanding, voice our support for one another, and do our part to contribute towards the ongoing work of creating a more just and righteous world where all black lives truly matter.


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UC Berkeley Press Release
Cockroach-like robot leads new research effort
BERKELEY – A cockroach-like robot named RHex is the starting point for a major project to understand animals' most distinguishing trait - how they move without falling over.
(Photo courtesy Daniel Koditschek, University of Michigan) |
The National Science Foundation (NSF) announced today (Thursday, Sept. 16) a $5 million, five-year grant to the University of California, Berkeley, that will fund an all-star team of biologists, engineers and mathematicians from universities across the country to try to understand the mechanical and neurological basis of locomotion. The grant is one of six totaling nearly $30 million through NSF's Frontiers in Integrative Biological Research (FIBR) program, which supports integrative research that addresses major questions in the biological sciences.
"The hallmark of life is movement," said Robert Full, professor of integrative biology at UC Berkeley and leader of the team. "Yet, no single systems-level model, reaching from neurons to muscles to the skeleton to the whole body, can explain the control that makes movement possible. You have so many nerves and so many muscles, how in the world do you actually move forward?"
Researchers from UC Berkeley, the University of Michigan, Princeton University, Cornell University and Montana State University will focus on RHex, a short, six-legged robot that scampers like a cockroach, as a working model of the principles they're seeking to uncover. By tweaking the robot and using it as a physical model, they hope to tease apart the complex neural and muscular networks in insects.
the secrets of animal locomotion Go behind the scenes in Robert Full's lab to watch Flash slide shows and Quicktime videos of the robots and the insects that inspired them |
At the same time, they will conduct biomechanical and neurological experiments on insects and develop mathematical models to improve the robot. This multi-pronged approach will allow them to uncover the neural and muscular control and feedback loops that lead to the remarkably similar patterns of whole-body motion in animals as diverse as crabs, cockroaches, lizards, dogs and humans.
"The robot has to operate in the real world, like the animal does, so we can use it for testing hypotheses," Full said. "We know, for example, that the body's center of mass bounces along like a pogo stick, which is embodied in the robot, but we don't know how its parts - its legs, feet, actuators or muscles - sum up to give that remarkably general pattern of movement.
(Photos courtesy Robert Full, UC Berkeley [left] and Daniel Koditschek, University of Michigan [right]) |
"Now we can ask questions like, 'What if you had a more compliant leg? What if you had two joints in that leg, what does that give you versus one joint?' We can start putting artificial muscles in. Of course, that will make a better robot, but that is not the goal of this program."
Full has studied animal locomotion for 30 years, providing important insight not only to biologists, but also to engineers who have designed robots like RHex that mimic the movements of animals. RHex was built by Full's collaborators at the University of Michigan, led by Daniel Koditschek, professor of electrical engineering and computer science. But Full has contributed to other robots too: Ariel, which walks like a crab and was designed to operate in the surf zone and right itself if upended; Mecho-Gecko, which climbs up walls; and the Stanford-built Sprawlita, which bounces five body lengths at a time thanks to six piston-driven legs.
But, he admits, a biologist and an engineer can go only so far in understanding locomotion without the help of mathematicians and specialists in dynamics who can create models that can be tested on animals and robots. Full has coined the phrase "neuromechanical systems biology" for this multidisciplinary approach, which integrates data across mathematical models, numerical simulations, robot models and biological experiments.
The team he has assembled represents the best in these areas. While Full has run cockroaches, crabs, geckos and other animals on treadmills, across gelatin and over complex terrains to understand their stability, he is eager to team up with an experimental neurophysiologist who is able to interpret insects' neural code. John Miller, a professor of cell biology and neuroscience and director of the Center for Computational Biology at Montana State University, Bozeman, hopes to be able to rewrite that code while measuring motion, forces and neuromuscular signals. They will work closely with two mathematicians - Philip Holmes, professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering at Princeton University, and John Guckenheimer, professor of mathematics and theoretical and applied mechanics at Cornell University - who will analyze animal data to produce the mathematical models. The models will, in turn, provide feedback to Koditschek's robotic cockroach, which will serve as a controlled experiment that's easier to manipulate than real animals but able to tackle real-world challenges.
"This robot, the most mobile one built and created from the fundamental principles of what we know about animals, is going to help us address the grand challenge in biology - how they move," Full said.
NSF's FIBR program encourages investigators to identify major understudied or unanswered questions in biology and to use innovative approaches to address them by integrating the scientific concepts and research tools from across disciplines, including biology, mathematics and the physical sciences, engineering, social sciences and the information sciences. Among the other projects funded by NSF this year are BeeSpace, an interactive environment for studying social behavior in honey bees; a project that will examine how species that live together, evolve together; and a project examining how climate affects genetic variation and evolution.
"FIBR is one of the premier, crosscutting programs in biology at NSF," said Mary Clutter, head of NSF's Biological Sciences directorate. "By undertaking highly innovative and broadly integrative approaches to research in biology, FIBR projects tackle grand challenges and promote the training of a new and fearless generation of scientists willing and able to bridge conventional disciplinary boundaries."


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Anyone else out there love the look of splatters? I do :)
So, the objective is to make a wallie that has to do with splatters (i.e paint, blood, bagles)
1. Stick with Otaku rules (obviously :D)
2. Use any manga/anime wanted (except Soul Eater<-- just kidding...)
3. Any questions? Comment ^.<
4. This is rule four. He says hi
6. Anything goes (except anything against theO, etc.)
5. Have fun with it!
1st: One Wallpaper and Card of thou choice ^^
2nd: One Wallpaper :)
3rd: Uno... Cardo? (one card ;D)
Anything beyond: Medal, and a gift ^^
So you've got two months people. GO! GO! GO!