text:
Clio Barnard's exploration of playwright, Andrea Dunbar's life, combines reality with artifice in an exciting new cinematic creation.
In recent years, viewers have witnessed a surge of popularity in documentary from the opinionated outputs of Michael Moore, to the staged realism of The Hills, the appetite for the personal and the intimate remains insatiable. In fashion and music there has been a movement away from high-octane glamour and the latest, logo-emblazoned "it bag", to quietly luxurious neutrals, long-term quality investment pieces, and burgeoning pop stars whose journey we've witnessed from the very beginning. Realism is all around us. Now in a challenging new genre, acclaimed documentary filmmaker, Clio Barnard, creates a transitional world between fact and fiction – highlighting the struggles of social depravation, aggressive racism, and powerful addictions through the prism of the flexibility of memories and the ever-ambiguous nature of reality.
In association with Artangel and the UK Film Council, Clio Barnard's feature-length film, The Arbor, explores the life and legacy of Bradford's literary success story, Andrea Dunbar, through extensive interviews with her siblings, lovers and children, lip-synched by an accomplished cast of actors, playing out the real words and emotions of their subjects. Plucked from obscurity after completing a remarkable school project aged just 15, Andrea Dunbar's first play, The Arbor, showed at The Royal Court three years later. It was inspired by Dunbar's experiences on the Buttershaw Estate where she grew up, and the trials and tribulations of a family wrecked by alcoholism, her teenage pregnancy, inter-racial relationships, and domestic violence. Strikingly autobiographical, Dunbar's play brought an unglamorous realism to the London stage, and her status was cemented with the later screen-adaptation of her second play, Rita, Sue and Bob too (1986), which went on to become a 1980s cult classic. Then Artistic Director of The Royal Court, Max Stafford-Clark, recognised a "very sharp, very alive and very witty" voice in Dunbar's work and "her ear for dialogue is remarkable." Dunbar died at the age of 29, never having moved away from Bradford, and leaving behind three children by three different fathers. Ten years after Andrea Dunbar's death, Stafford-Clark commissioned A State Affair, to investigate how the Buttershaw Estate, so central to Andrea's writing and the formation of her character, had evolved over the decade. The hard hitting drama brought home a damning critique of an area left behind in the economic surgence of New Labour and Cool Britannia – and the words of Dunbar's eldest daughter, Lorraine, proved to be the legacy left for most: "If my mum wrote the play now Rita and Sue would be smack heads…on crack as well…and working in the red light district, sleeping with everybody and anybody for money." Buttershaw was disintegrating under cheap heroin.
A Bradford contemporary of Andrea Dunbar, Clio Barnard approached Artangel with a proposal to revisit the Buttershaw Estate, 10 years on from A State Affair: "I was interested in the idea of revisiting and reflecting on the previous representations of Buttershaw." The project took Barnard on a journey of discovery through Andrea Dunbar's old stomping ground as Lorraine Dunbar slowly emerged as the focus of the work. Lorraine's story is remarkably tragic, one of drug addiction, criminal convictions, appalling domestic violence, prostitution and extreme depravation. Lorraine's life and accounts of childhood contrast with those of her younger sister, Lisa, who has grown into a proud daughter leading a simple, conventional family existence in suburbia. On her explorations of Buttershaw, Barnard was struck by the autobiographical elements of Dunbar's work: "Realising the character of Yousaf in Andrea's play The Arbor was Lorraine's father was key," and it becomes evident that through her various tragedies, Lorraine has lost the ability to create an autobiography herself. In such a manner, Barnard muses on this wasted existence, and The Arbor becomes very much a tale of Lorraine's journey, as well as an opportunity to "look across three generations of a family and three decades of a particular place, to allow some understanding of the destructive effects of poverty, racism and addiction to emerge."
Barnard spent two years recording interviews with the Dunbars and residents of Buttershaw to collect an extensive archive on Andrea, her world and her legacy. These recordings form the basis of the film, as actors take on not only the words of the real-life characters, but also the voice, intonation, emphases and pauses in an exciting collaboration between fact and fiction. Borrowing from verbatim theatre, The Arbor manipulates reality further by creating private moments with the character, through the face of the actor. While the lip-synching is second to none, and it is easy to forget that the actors are not physically speaking the words, the viewer finds themself returning again and again to the precept in a manner that undermines the realism of the film. Barnard's constructed reality occupies a confusing realm – each interviewee presumably speaks the truth, or at least their version of it, but in referring back to the technique we are constantly reminded of its artifice – even when the actors are removed the very nature of Barnard approaching the characters for a formal interview creates a confessional artifice in itself. It is not a usual situation, and each and every one of us would think about our presentation, how we would come across not only to the cinema audience, but more personally to the director who has an opportunity to create a public image for us. In a manner, The Arbor echoes Dunbar's own methods – she was credited with penning only what she knew about, and so her three plays are inevitably autobiographical, referencing her own life and those of the people around her, while retaining the ability to censor at will and operate a selective memory at times. Similarly, Barnard's work falls short of traditional documentary through the sheer extent of time spent with the Dunbar family – the interviewer can never be impartial and while Barnard acknowledges: "I formed strong bonds with the people that I interviewed for the film," she still viewed her role "to be non-judgemental and to listen."
Through the use of real-life audio, The Arbor takes an intensely personal form, and in spite of the contrived atmosphere of staging an interview for film, the impression remains of an indiscriminate honesty from Lorraine and Lisa. (Interestingly, Andrea's son Andrew, remains defiantly removed from the emotion aroused in his siblings: "I don't remember much of me childhood really, we moved about a bit as a kid," and to Barnard this "speaks volumes. He was only seven-years-old when Andrea died.") Taking centre stage, the intense and massively differing memories of Lorraine and Lisa lead to an inconclusive debate on, not only the manipulation of fact and reality, but also the very nature of memory itself. Recounting the same story of a fire in their childhood bedroom, Lisa is affectionate in remembering the mischievous antics of childhood, believing herself to be responsible for the locked door, while Lorraine recollects more sinisterly how Andrea would remove the outside doorknob to their room, imprisoning her own children. Lisa recounts how, "to this day I won't hear a bad word about me mum", while Lorraine describes the relief felt at Andrea's funeral, feeling a great weight lifted, as though her real life could finally start. Tragically at this point, Lorraine finds what becomes the central theme of her life, drug addiction, and her new start simply sees her slip into a hell that was, outwardly at least, absent in her mother's lifetime. The Arbor's ability to illustrate the flexibility of memory is illustrated in Lorraine's pivotal moment overhearing Andrea's drunken remark that she cannot love her mixed-race daughter as much as her two younger children. From there onwards Lorraine's story is framed by this maternal rejection, and its exposition mid-way through the film betrays the basis of the narrative before it – even before the audience hears of Andrea's comments, her daughter's contempt is tantamount to this small, but central event. Barnard's direction unveils the selective nature of memory, and adds its contribution to the debate of the metafictional narrative that The Arbor undertakes. Barnard asserts: "The formal techniques are about deliberately creating distance and reminding the audience that they are watching something constructed and necessarily mediated through the language of film/theatre." In also exposing the sisters' widely varied viewpoints of their upbringing the film achieves the effect of metafiction because the audience is constantly reminded of their role as onlookers in a narrative.
As a Bradford native herself, Barnard's childhood could contribute to the discussion of memory, but she is clear in the distinction: "If you are from the other side of Cooper Lane, which runs around the periphery of the estate, you are considered an outsider on Buttershaw, so I make no claims to being an Arborite." There's an impression that, while Barnard's initial draw to Dunbar's story may have stemmed from local pride, there was no intention to reveal much of herself in the story – in this manner, Barnard may have served to hinder the realism of her venture, or may have displayed admirable restraint in not laying claim to the story of The Arbor. As it stands the film is remarkable in its weighty, hard-hitting subject matter – to the extent of becoming an assault on the sensibilities at certain points as Lorraine's downward spiral becomes hard to bear, even for the audience.
For those of us who know Bradford, as a thriving, multi-cultural market town, a short ride from the bustling urbanity of Leeds, and the rolling rugged hills of rural Yorkshire, The Arbor paints a gritty British soap opera of the lives of its inhabitants. On discussing the common southern cry of "it's grim up north" Barnard defends her subject matter: "The 'grim up north' myth is a convenient 'othering' for southerners." But as Andrea's alleged alcoholism gives way to Lorraine's desperate heroin addiction, we sense these women are representative of thousands around them, and so The Arbor is dark, depressing and ultimately hard work. It remains thought-provoking in raising the fact that, although not representative of the town, many across the UK are living this existence every day. "Bradford and the UK should be confident enough to embrace Andrea Dunbar's writing without worrying that it gives a bad impression. We shouldn't be brushing this under the carpet. Andrea had the guts to speak candidly about the struggles of her family and community – she just happened to be a northerner."
The Arbor unravels two central themes, one within the story, one outside. The struggles of Buttershaw characterises the estate, and give the impression of an everywoman in Lorraine Dunbar. But the central focus lies in its questioning of documentary itself. The elements of interview, audio recordings, actors, the play within the film, and the lip-synching, all around real life material create an artifice out of reality. The film only takes place through Andrea's plays and through her children's reminiscences. Playing Lorraine, Manjinder Virk achieves a remarkable undertaking, because the audience frequently forget that she is not speaking her own words, and Virk acknowledges that, "it makes you really present, you can't prepare to react or to build towards something as you would with an ordinary script." Collected together there is a lot of speaking to the camera that loses the immediacy of the moment, and The Arbor becomes more thought-provoking because of it. You stew on Lorraine's struggles in a manner that makes them seem ever-more real, and continue to question to very nature of reality for the genre of film itself.
For more information visit www.artangel.org.uk.
Ruby Beesley


text:
Chan Ho Park (4-2, 2.36) vs. Josh Johnson (0-0, -.--).
COMMENTS: Untested pitcher alert! Untested pitcher alert! The Dodgers tend to suck against pitchers they haven't seen before. Although Johnson has started against the Dodgers in the past, tonight marks his 2008 debut. Tomorrow the Dodgers face Chris Volstad, making his second first start of the year. (How the heck do the Marlins have a winning record, anyway?)
While Park looks to continue the Dodgers' run of dominating pitching—his 1.29 starting ERA should help—it's the Dodger bats that need to, er, pitch in. (The Braves just outscored the Dodgers 10-8 over three games, yet the Dodgers won the series.) Let's hope Andruw Jones is getting his groove back, because Dodger pitchers can't throw near-perfect games every time out.

subset: commoncrawl


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Chapter 3
(June–October 1830)
God created all things spiritually before they were naturally upon the earth—He created man, the first flesh, upon the earth—Woman is a help meet for man.
1 Thus the aheaven and the earth were finished, and all the bhost of them.
2 And on the seventh day I, God, ended my work, and all things which I had made; and I arested on the bseventh day from all my work, and all things which I had made were finished, and I, God, saw that they were good;
3 And I, God, ablessed the seventh day, and bsanctified it; because that in it I had rested from all my cwork which I, God, had created and made.
4 And now, behold, I say unto you, that these are the generations of the heaven and of the earth, when they were acreated, in the day that I, the Lord God, made the bheaven and the earth,
5 And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew. For I, the Lord God, acreated all things, of which I have spoken, bspiritually, before they were cnaturally upon the face of the earth. For I, the Lord God, had not caused it to rain upon the face of the earth. And I, the Lord God, had dcreated all the children of men; and not yet a man to till the eground; for in fheaven gcreated I them; and there was not yet flesh upon the earth, neither in the water, neither in the air;
6 But I, the Lord God, spake, and there went up a amist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.
7 And I, the Lord God, formed man from the adust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the bbreath of life; and cman became a living dsoul, the efirst flesh upon the earth, the first man also; nevertheless, all things were before created; but spiritually were they created and made according to my word.
8 And I, the Lord God, planted a garden eastward in aEden, and there I put the man whom I had formed.
9 And out of the ground made I, the Lord God, to grow every tree, anaturally, that is pleasant to the sight of man; and man could behold it. And it became also a bliving soul. For it was spiritual in the day that I created it; for it remaineth in the sphere in which I, God, created it, yea, even all things which I prepared for the use of man; and man saw that it was good for food. And I, the Lord God, planted the ctree of life also in the midst of the garden, and also the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
10 And I, the Lord God, caused a river to go out of aEden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four bheads.
11 And I, the Lord God, called the name of the first Pison, and it compasseth the whole land of aHavilah, where I, the Lord God, created much gold;
12 And the gold of that land was good, and there was bdellium and the aonyx stone.
13 And the name of the second river was called Gihon; the same that compasseth the whole land of aEthiopia.
14 And the name of the third river was Hiddekel; that which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river was the Euphrates.
15 And I, the Lord God, took the man, and put him into the Garden of aEden, to dress it, and to keep it.
16 And I, the Lord God, commanded the man, saying: Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat,
17 But of the tree of the aknowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, nevertheless, thou mayest bchoose for thyself, for it is given unto thee; but, remember that I cforbid it, for in the dday thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely edie.
18 And I, the Lord God, said unto mine aOnly Begotten, that it was not good that the man should be balone; wherefore, I will make an chelp meet for him.
19 And out of the ground I, the Lord God, formed every abeast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and commanded that they should come unto Adam, to see what he would call them; and they were also living souls; for I, God, breathed into them the bbreath of life, and commanded that whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that should be the name thereof.
20 And Adam gave anames to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but as for Adam, there was not found an help meet for him.
21 And I, the Lord God, caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and he slept, and I took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in the stead thereof;
22 And the rib which I, the Lord God, had taken from man, made I a awoman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And aAdam said: This I know now is bone of my bones, and bflesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall acleave unto his bwife; and cthey shall be done flesh.
25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.


text:
The Gospel According to
St Luke
Chapter 1
Gabriel promises Zacharias that Elisabeth will bear a son, whom they will name John—He also tells Mary that she will be the mother of the Son of God—Mary visits Elisabeth and utters a psalm of praise—John the Baptist is born—Zacharias prophesies of John's mission.
1 aForasmuch as bmany have taken in hand to set forth in order a declaration of those things cwhich are most surely believed among us,
2 Even as they delivered them unto us, which from the beginning were aeyewitnesses, and ministers of the word;
3 It seemed good to me also, having had perfect understanding of all things from the very first, to write unto thee in order, most excellent aTheophilus,
4 That thou mightest aknow the certainty of those things, wherein thou hast been instructed.
5 ¶ There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judæa, a certain priest named aZacharias, of the course of bAbia: and his wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elisabeth.
6 And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and aordinances of the Lord blameless.
7 And they had no child, because that Elisabeth was abarren, and they both were now well bstricken in years.
8 And it came to pass, that while he executed the apriest's office before God in the order of his bcourse,
9 According to the custom of the apriest's office, his lot was to burn incense when he went into the temple of the Lord.
10 And the whole multitude of the people were praying without at the time of incense.
11 And there appeared unto him an angel of the Lord standing on the right side of the altar of incense.
12 And when Zacharias saw him, he was troubled, and fear fell upon him.
13 But the angel said unto him, aFear not, Zacharias: for thy prayer is heard; and thy wife Elisabeth shall bear thee a bson, and thou shalt call his name John.
14 And thou shalt have joy and gladness; and many shall rejoice at his birth.
15 For he shall be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither awine nor strong drink; and he shall be bfilled with the cHoly Ghost, even from his mother's womb.
16 And many of the children of Israel shall he turn to the Lord their God.
17 And he shall go before him in the spirit and power of aElias, to turn the hearts of the bfathers to the children, and the cdisobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people dprepared for the Lord.
18 And Zacharias said unto the angel, Whereby shall I aknow this? for I am an bold man, and my wife well cstricken in years.
19 And the aangel answering said unto him, I am bGabriel, that stand in the presence of God; and am sent to speak unto thee, and to shew thee these glad tidings.
20 And, behold, thou shalt be adumb, and not able to speak, until the day that these things shall be performed, because thou bbelievest not my words, which shall be fulfilled in their season.
21 And the people waited for Zacharias, and marvelled that he tarried so long in the temple.
22 And when he came out, he could not speak unto them: and they perceived that he had seen a vision in the temple: for he beckoned unto them, and remained speechless.
23 And it came to pass, that, as soon as the adays of his ministration were accomplished, he departed to his own house.
24 And after those days his wife Elisabeth conceived, and hid herself five months, saying,
25 Thus hath the Lord dealt with me in the days wherein he looked on me, to take away my areproach among men.
26 And in the sixth month the aangel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth,
27 To a avirgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary.
28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among awomen.
29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.
30 And the angel said unto her, aFear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.
31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name aJesus.
32 He shall be great, and shall be called the aSon of the Highest: and the Lord God shall give unto him the bthrone of his father cDavid:
33 And he shall areign over the house of Jacob for ever; and of his kingdom there shall be no bend.
34 Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I aknow not a man?
35 And the angel answered and said unto her, The aHoly Ghost shall come upon thee, and the power of the Highest shall overshadow thee: therefore also that holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the bSon of God.
36 And, behold, thy acousin Elisabeth, she hath also conceived a son in her bold age: and this is the sixth month with her, who was called barren.
37 For with God nothing shall be aimpossible.
38 And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.
39 And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda;
40 And entered into the house of Zacharias, and asaluted Elisabeth.
41 And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was afilled with the Holy Ghost:
42 And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among awomen, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
43 And awhence is this to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?
44 For, lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy.
45 And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord.
46 And Mary asaid, My soul doth bmagnify the Lord,
47 And my spirit hath arejoiced in God my bSaviour.
48 For he hath regarded the low estate of his ahandmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me bblessed.
49 For he that is mighty hath done to me great athings; and bholy is his name.
50 And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.
51 He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the aproud in the imagination of their hearts.
52 He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of alow degree.
53 He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.
54 He hath aholpen his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;
55 As he spake to our afathers, to Abraham, and to his bseed for ever.
56 And Mary abode with her about three months, and returned to her own house.
57 Now Elisabeth's full time came that she should be delivered; and she brought forth a son.
58 And her neighbours and her acousins heard how the Lord had shewed great bmercy upon her; and they rejoiced with her.
59 And it came to pass, that on the aeighth day they came to bcircumcise the child; and they called him Zacharias, after the name of his father.
60 And his mother answered and said, Not so; but he shall be called John.
61 And they said unto her, There is none of thy kindred that is called by this name.
62 And they made signs to his father, how he would have him called.
63 And he asked for a awriting table, and wrote, saying, His name is John. And they marvelled all.
64 And his mouth was opened immediately, and his tongue loosed, and he spake, and praised God.
65 And fear came on all that dwelt round about them: and all these sayings were anoised abroad throughout all the hill country of Judæa.
66 And all they that heard them laid them up in their hearts, saying, What manner of child shall this be! And the hand of the Lord was with him.
67 And his father Zacharias was filled with the Holy Ghost, and aprophesied, saying,
68 aBlessed be the Lord God of Israel; for he hath bvisited and credeemed his people,
69 And hath raised up an horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David;
70 As he aspake by the mouth of his holy bprophets, which have been since the world began:
71 That we should be saved from our enemies, and from the hand of all that hate us;
72 To perform the mercy apromised to our fathers, and to remember his holy bcovenant;
73 The aoath which he sware to our bfather Abraham,
74 That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without afear,
75 In aholiness and righteousness before him, all the days of our life.
76 And thou, child, shalt be called the prophet of the Highest: for thou shalt go before the face of the Lord to aprepare his ways;
77 To give aknowledge of salvation unto his people by the bremission of their sins,
78 Through the atender mercy of our God; whereby the bdayspring from on high hath visited us,
79 To give alight to them that sit in bdarkness and in the shadow of cdeath, to guide our feet into the way of peace.
80 And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, and was in the deserts till the day of his shewing unto Israel.


text:
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The RCP believes that physicians and medical professionals have a key role to play not only in managing ill health, but also in supporting people to live healthier lives.
The RCP's consultation response for the Department for Work and Pensions' 2015 review into the challenges faced by individuals seeking, returning to, and remaining in, work when they are


text:
This Sleeveless Zebra Bodycon Dress is crafted with quality fabric in an elegant design for a modern and stylish look. Its bodycon silhouette accentuates your curves while the sleeveless style gives it a fashionable edge.
- Only one color available.
- True to the size chart.
Yellow Sub Trading will offer the following services for shipping orders to a home address, office address, or in-store pickup.
1 You will be able to pick up your order in-store within 24 hours.
2 It takes 1-3 working days for delivery to anywhere in Gauteng province
3 Shipping to all other provinces takes between two and seven working days
4 During the checkout process, the shipping rate will be calculated.
5 Over-Night shipping Local & Main-centre 24-36 hr delivery
6 There is a cut-off time of 12 p.m. for all service level bookings. All orders received after the cut-off time will be booked the following day (Monday through Friday).
Deliveries are only done between 09h00 and 17h00 from Monday to Friday (excluding public holidays).
We will only fulfil orders with a physical location within the borders of the Republic of South Africa.
Our Guarantee
1. Items received within 14 days
2. Items received unused, undamaged and in original package.
3. Return shipping fee is paid by buyer.
4. Exchange delivery fee is paid by us


text:
Save Your Pennies By Making Your Own Shamrock Shake at Home
McDonald's Shamrock Shake usually comes once a year around St. Patrick's Day, but as the holiday passes, so does the elusive tasty beverage. Now you don't have to be in March (or Irish) to enjoy one year round.
The cool part is you don't have to just stick with the normal sugar-laced treat. There are several different recipes to every mood or taste.
First, if you're just itching for a taste of the traditional recipe, Reware Vintage has a recipe for a virgin Shamrock Shake that only requires some vanilla ice cream, milk, peppermint extract and some green food dye for color. Stick it all in a blender or mixer and you're ready to enjoy. The blog recommends not topping it off with whipped cream or a cherry since it ruins "the purity of the shake." (We'll be the judge of that.)
Maybe you overdid on St. Patrick's Day and realize you need to get into shape. A quick search on YouTube turned up a low-calorie Shamrock Shake, courtesy of Lean Secrets founder Brenda-Leigh Turner, that she claims tastes just as good as the high fructose corn syrup version.
Then when you eventually ditch your diet because you're starving and need something other than spinach and wheat germ to unwind, you can whip up a harder version cooked up by Mahalo's lifestyle blog editor Miranda Valentine. Check out the recipe below. You can also watch a vintage Shamrock Shake ad featuring the jolly forgotten McDonaldland character Uncle O'Grimacy. Yes, he was basically a green (and possibly drunk) Grimace.


text:
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Do What to the Mayo?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Wait - is that right? [searching through papers]
Oh, but they named it in Spanish - I see. That way, instead of sounding silly, it sounds all "exotic-like" to us Gringos.
Anyhoo, these days we Americans have put our own spin on Cinco de Mayo:
Namely, we consume copious amounts of alcohol at extended happy hours across the country. Though to be fair, some of us will be wearing sombreros at the time.
"Hey Jo, what'd you find down at the bakery?"
"Meh. Just a couple of Mexican clowns waving flags."
(Anyone else think those "music notes" look like a pack of sky-diving sixes?)
I was going to suggest that something like a taco cake might be more appropriate today, but then I realized that's stereotyping. So instead, how about this?
Display it in a sink**, and all your Spanish-speaking friends will think you're hilarious. Or stupid. But then, they probably already think you're one of those anyway, so what have you got to lose?
Yenni, Matt J., & Kristin M., I hear happy hour starts at noon. Chop chop!
*Thank you, Wikipedia.
**Sink o' de Mayo? Get it?
106 comments | Post a Comment
- Kate said...
Is it sick that I find that jar of Mayo far more appetizing than the previous 2 cakes?
- May 5, 2009 at 9:28 AM
- Amazing Greis said...
Just what I've always wanted...
A MAYO cake! - May 5, 2009 at 9:29 AM
- Shadow said...
Love the mayo cake. I wonder if there's mayo in the cake batter as well, I've seen that in some recipes
- May 5, 2009 at 9:29 AM
- Cat said...
"It was such an auspicious occasion that they named that fateful 5th of May... [consulting clipboard] the...er...5th of May."
That's almost as crazy as naming the great day that your country achieved independence on July 4, 1776 the Fourth of July.
:) - May 5, 2009 at 9:30 AM
- Tami said...
I was totally unprepared for that last one. - May 5, 2009 at 9:32 AM
- loisgroat said...
Thanks for telling me they were music notes. I thought the clowns were sleeping with their eyes wide open. Clowns are plenty scary enough without that!
WV: "senso" What is the senso having a Cinco de Mayo cake, if you are not going to spell out Mayo? - May 5, 2009 at 9:33 AM
- Charlotte (WaltzingM) said...
Are those empty mini bottles on top of that first cake? It's hard to see.
- May 5, 2009 at 9:38 AM
In defense of whoever named the day, I just want to point out that we usually call American Independence Day the 4th of July. Not too creative either. :)
Love the mayo cake in the sink!! - May 5, 2009 at 9:40 AM
- Mallory said...
I'm pretty sure those music notes look so silly because they are backward! Also...I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I didn't get the mayo in the sink joke until I read your footnote!
- May 5, 2009 at 9:42 AM
And just this morning I was wondering if you'd have any wrecks related to Cinco de Mayo :P
- May 5, 2009 at 9:44 AM
Hmm, you mean silly like calling one's national holiday the 4th of July?
- May 5, 2009 at 9:46 AM
- Shelley said...
Haha Sink o de mayo. Love it!
- May 5, 2009 at 9:47 AM
- Dorci said...
Okay, somebody please enlighten me about the Hellman's in the sink!
- May 5, 2009 at 9:51 AM
- Brenda said...
Calling it Cinco de Mayo is kind of like the 4th of July, eh? :)
- May 5, 2009 at 9:52 AM
- Alison said...
Hahah sink 'o de mayo.. I love it!
- May 5, 2009 at 9:53 AM
- The Courteous Chihuahua said...
**Sink-o de Mayo
arrrgghh...yes, Jen, I got it. You can have it back.
;-P - May 5, 2009 at 9:54 AM
- Das Mutter said...
Love mayo. Love Sinko Mayo. Great post!
- May 5, 2009 at 9:56 AM
- Valerie said...
Mayo in cake batter is just a substitute for eggs if you're out of 'em (you can also use a little soy protein powder with water). I was wondering how y'all would honor the day. Me? I'm gonna cook up some yummy Mexican (meh ee con) vittles and down a few bottles of Negra Modelo.
- May 5, 2009 at 9:57 AM
- Knitty said...
Love the Sink-o de Mayo cake! The only thing better than a nicely executed and tasty cake is one with a pun thrown in!
- May 5, 2009 at 9:58 AM
That clown cake is just plain scary. I had no idea those were supposed to be music notes. I thought the clowns were being attacked by a flock of crows.
- May 5, 2009 at 10:00 AM
sink o' de mayo--
I think that's an Irish-Mexican holiday - May 5, 2009 at 10:07 AM
- Half Assed Kitchen said...
Now can we have a bacon cake to go with the mayo cake?
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com) - May 5, 2009 at 10:08 AM
- Benjamin said...
I wonder what they used for frosting on that mayo cake....
I sure hope its filled with *butter*cream!
Still hunting my local bakery for wrecks...but the prey is wary.
-Benjamin - May 5, 2009 at 10:25 AM
- Sallie said...
All I have to say is: Cake Wrecks is about the only thing that makes me happy about having to get up in the mornings. Thank you for the absurdity!
- May 5, 2009 at 10:25 AM
- Leah McNally said...
A taco cake would be awesome. Por favor, seniorita?
- May 5, 2009 at 10:28 AM
What do you call a sinking ship full of condiments? Cinco de Mayo :o)
- May 5, 2009 at 10:33 AM
Happy Five de Mayo... LMAO... That's really making the extra effort. (shaking head)
Yes people we've got it... 4th of July... moving on. Can only hope there will be a Happy Cuatro of July cake for the occasion. - May 5, 2009 at 10:42 AM
"Like July the 4th!"
is so going to be the new
"Spacewaah? That's Epcot!"
wv: dizeste
All dizeste comes from de spices. - May 5, 2009 at 10:43 AM
- Bilby P. Dalgyte said...
OK who comes up with these ideas? "Hey guys! Let's make like... a jar of mayo......... in cake form. Yeah? Yeah? Huh?" "Yeah OK." "Wooooo!! Yeah! Mayo-cake time!"
and hence started the epic saga of how someone wasted their life being weird but kinda awesome at the same time :) - May 5, 2009 at 10:44 AM
- carrie said...
Love the Hellman's cake!
By the way, I work with a lot of Mexicans in manufacturing, and NONE of them have ever celebrated Cinco de Mayo. They think we are stupid gringos for taking a minor Mexican holiday and thinking we're celebrating something big with them. Oh well, any excuse for a margarita will do. - May 5, 2009 at 10:45 AM
- Buffy said...
I nearly aspirated Special K at "sky-diving sixes".
- May 5, 2009 at 10:48 AM
Bah ha ha ha ha... Sinko de mayo. Excellent...er, I mean Excellente (that's Spanish for excellent - if I could type the accent that is)
By the way, to a previous poster...the 4th of July is also widely known as "Independence Day." - May 5, 2009 at 10:48 AM
- Perpetual Mommy Exhaustion said...
I know its been said before, but I can't help pointing out that the actual name of the 4th of July is Independence Day. We're just lazy.
Also, I bet our Mexican neighbors really appreciate the lengths we go to to celebrate their special day. Giving clowns Mexican flags? Drinking while wearing sombreros? If that doesn't show respect, I don't know what does. - May 5, 2009 at 10:52 AM
- Megan said...
A few of those sixes look much more like sevens!
And I'll never understand why the same old flowers are used on ALL cakes. Ick.
Megan @ adventuresofacarnivore.com - May 5, 2009 at 10:53 AM
What occasion would call for a Mayo cake? I need the back story on this....
wv...Proust...She must have been so proust of that cake. - May 5, 2009 at 10:58 AM
My dog just came over to check if I was all right--the noise I made when I saw the dead Mexican clowns was apparently that concerning.
- May 5, 2009 at 11:02 AM
- Ronnie said...
I personally thought the music notes looked mostly like "7"s with little tails.
Who's with me?
-Ronnie - May 5, 2009 at 11:04 AM
- BLAM! said...
What's with the comments saying that Americans call Independence Day the Fourth of July? Sure, that is one way to refer to it, but its main, official name is Independence Day. ,':\
Cinco de mayo has no other name that people commonly refer to it as.
Anyway, ha.. mayo in the sink. I see what you did there. At first I was wondering why in the world you'd have a mayonnaise cake in a Cinco de Mayo themed post, but then I read the rest. - May 5, 2009 at 11:04 AM
My favorite is cake #1 with the pretty pink roses and tasty olives sprinkled all around to wish me a "Happy Drunk Day"
- May 5, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Well the music notes are backwards...i hate it when ppl who dont know do stupid things like that. and FYI cinco de mayo is also known as the mexican independance day just like our 4th of july.
- May 5, 2009 at 11:12 AM
- The Sikorski Family said...
I am ROTFLOL at the "sink o de mayo"....too funny!!!
- May 5, 2009 at 11:27 AM
To correct the poster above me... Mexican Independance Day is in SEPTEMBER... it is commonly mistaken to be 5/5. But it's not.
- May 5, 2009 at 11:43 AM
- Unknown said...
A friend of mine sends out this story every year, and I thought you'd appreciate it. Please send all virtual roses and rotten tomatoes to him. :D
We all know the story of the Titanic: giant boat, set sail for New York from England. She sank in a horrible tragedy in the middle of nowhere 15 April 1912.
Most people don't know the whole story however.
Early in 1912 Hellmann's Mayonnaise (an English company) revolutionized the condiment world by successfully preserving mayo in jars. The Titanic was carrying over ten thousand jars of Hellmann's mayo in her hold when she went down.
The Titanic's second port of call was to be Cozumel, Mexico. This was also the ultimate destination for the Hellmann's in her giant iron belly. It seems that mayo had never before been commercially available in Mexico and the populace was just going nuts over the stuff. When news hit Mexico of the Titanic's sinking in early May the nation went into mourning for the loss. The government of Mexico declared a national day of mourning, in fact, to be celebrated every year in remembrance of the event: Cinco de Mayo.
Share with me, won't you, a moment of silence. Lest we forget.
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone. - May 5, 2009 at 11:44 AM
- LanieChuang said...
I love how the second cake says Happy 5 De Mayo.
- May 5, 2009 at 11:47 AM
- Katie Kiekhaefer said...
Five minutes later and I am still laughing at the idea of mayo in a sink.
- May 5, 2009 at 11:47 AM
- Raychel said...
haha I didn't get it at first : )
I liked the mayo jar cake.
www.mycreativeway.blogspot.com - May 5, 2009 at 12:09 PM
Strange thing. I'm mexican and we don't make cakes of this day or any other day. It's funny for us to hear how you say "Cinco de Mayo"
- May 5, 2009 at 12:16 PM
- Cheryl said...
I am just LOVING those orange chaps on the clowns!! Sexy! ; )
- May 5, 2009 at 12:17 PM
- ren said...
those are music notes? eeks...
- May 5, 2009 at 12:35 PM
- Unknown said...
Olives on a cake...ewwwwww. Ewwwwwww. Loving the Mayo reference. Very funny!
- May 5, 2009 at 12:35 PM
- Ros said...
Naming it Cinco de Mayo isn't any sillier than 'Fourth of July' is it? Especially since nothing important actually happened on July 4th. Voted on July 2nd, signed on August 2nd. July 4th? Um, date of printing. Wow.
- May 5, 2009 at 12:42 PM
The 4th of July, as many have already said, is not the name of the holiday. The official name is Independence Day but people like nicknames so 4th of July came about. I'm hoping that the people trying to be snarky don't live in America (like myself), otherwise, you just made yourself look a bit...silly.
Anyway, I'm working at a Mexican restaurant today. I bet there will be drunk "Ugly Americans" galore. But they won't look any worse than the clown morgue that is cake #2. - May 5, 2009 at 12:50 PM
The mayo cake reminds me of my favorite holiday story.
We all know the story of the Titanic: giant boat, set sail for New York from England. She sank in a horrible tragedy in the middle of nowhere 15 April 1912.
Most people don't know the whole story however.
Early in 1912 Hellmann's Mayonnaise (an English company) revolutionized the condiment world by successfully preserving mayo in jars. The Titanic was carrying over ten thousand jars of Hellmann's mayo in her hold when she went down.
The Titanic's second port of call was to be Cozumel, Mexico. This was also the ultimate destination for the Hellmann's in her giant iron belly. It seems that mayo had never before been commercially available in Mexico and the populace was just going nuts over the stuff. When news hit Mexico of the Titanic's sinking in early May the nation went into mourning for the loss. The government of Mexico declared a national day of mourning, in fact, to be celebrated every year in remembrance of the event: Cinco de Mayo. - May 5, 2009 at 12:59 PM
- Mackenzies Momma said...
*snort* Sinko de Mayo. *snort*
(oh and on an o/t note in case you didn't hear: Dom DeLuise passed away last night) - May 5, 2009 at 1:05 PM
- Unknown said...
lulz. mayo cake would be good for a bbq
- May 5, 2009 at 1:07 PM
Jen -
Good afternoon. The Happy 5 DE Mayo clown cake totally put me over the edge...hilarious. - May 5, 2009 at 1:15 PM
- Marga said...
After reading the comments over the last few days, and particularly after the "Epcot" debacle, I can only conclude that Cake Wrecks has become a victim of its own success and now attracts a number of "outsiders" who just don't GET IT!
- May 5, 2009 at 1:20 PM
- Crow Jane said...
Boy, I wish someone would make a point about how Independence Day is often referred to as "4 Of July". Because no one has done that. I feel this need to read 20 different "OMG Americans say Fourth of July!" comments and you people just aren't helping.
- May 5, 2009 at 1:22 PM
I'm pretty sure the skydiving sixes is more appropriate than "music notes" since those "music notes" are totally backwards. Stem and flag both go on the right, fyi. (Sorry, I'm a musician...) =)
- May 5, 2009 at 1:24 PM
- Unknown said...
Love the sink o the mayo. Yes, I got the joke straight away.:o)
Those clowns..eek. No wonder I hate clowns!
~Amy B. - May 5, 2009 at 1:25 PM
- Melissa (& Billy) said...
It's...ah...a jar of mayo. What I always wanted. 0_o
Jen, are you sure you're not related to Mookie (www.dominic-deegan.com)? He loves puns just as much as you do. *g*
"Happy Drunk Day"--LOL is that for 5 de Mayo or someone's 21st birthday?
And oddly enough, those are the least scary clowns I've seen on a cake. Their ruffly trousers look...festive. Go figure! - May 5, 2009 at 1:26 PM
To Benjamin:
Ugh... the thought of the jar of mayo cake actually having mayonnaise filling just turned my stomach.
To others:
Actually, Cinco de Mayo isn't a major holiday in Mexico; and certainly not Mexican Independence Day, that date is September 16th. Now THAT day is a huge party day for Mexicans :) - May 5, 2009 at 1:30 PM
- Pickyknitter said...
Today is my birthday and when I ordered cake, i made sure to say 'no writing' although I was tempted, in hopes that i would win (?) the CW lottery...
- May 5, 2009 at 1:42 PM
to "ctoan"... look on the calendar it is not named the 4th of July, it is named "Independence Day"
- May 5, 2009 at 2:09 PM
- ErinMSW said...
So we English-speaking folk look at that 2nd cake and read "Happy five de Mayo" but a Spanish-speaking person would look at it and read "Happy cinco de Mayo" so...it looks funny, but it's kinda not that funny, really. Call me a party-pooper.
The sink-o de Mayo cake, though? Priceless. - May 5, 2009 at 2:31 PM
- Mantolwen said...
No such thing as an unlikely victory over the French! (No offense to any French readers intended, but I am English)
- May 5, 2009 at 2:31 PM
- Em said...
The music notes are also backwards, except for the one under the "a" in happy. That one is pointing two different directions.
- May 5, 2009 at 2:43 PM
- Kate said...
**Sink o' de Mayo? Get it?
GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAN. :D - May 5, 2009 at 2:45 PM
- Cathy said...
The 5 on the cake works--it just forgot one key element. It needs a superscript circle next to it. Spanish speakers don't always write out fifth anymore than English speakers do. They abbreviate it 5 superscript o--looks like five degrees.
Mexican Independence (and Independence Day for most or all of Central America) is September 15th. - May 5, 2009 at 2:46 PM
- Cathy said...
I need to correct my own comment after a September 16th date was posted. The 16th is the official Mexican Independence Day, with the 15th being the day for other portions of Central America. The official declaration was made in Mexico on the 15th but the army didn't support it until the next day. Guatemala, Costa Rica, El Salvador, Nicaragua, and Honduras declared their independence on the 15th: Guatemala at least celebrates it on that day.
- May 5, 2009 at 2:55 PM
- CarrieP said...
For those who would like to partake in a non-wrecky Latin American cake, the tres leches cake is pretty awesome.
http://www.texascooking.com/features/sept2002treslechescakerecipe.htm - May 5, 2009 at 2:58 PM
I had to enlarge the drunk cake to see that those are, in fact, champagne bottles and not olives. My first thought was, "Yeah....you'd have to be pretty drunk to eat a cake with olives on it" followed closely by the thought of what other odd surprises might be lurking UNDER the icing.
That cake also has a piece of paper beside it with the date 12/21/2008, so it might be some holiday that we have been neglecting to celebrate all these years.
Also...on the note beside the cake it looks like they repeatedly wrote "How I met" and then scratched it out. (Or is it "How I wet?") - May 5, 2009 at 2:58 PM
- David T. Macknet said...
And most US people think that Cinco de Mayo is all about Mexican Independence ... when they don't really celebrate it down there.
- May 5, 2009 at 3:01 PM
- Barb said...
This is exactly why I like Miracle Whip! :p
- May 5, 2009 at 3:04 PM
way to completely ignore the fact that spanish is spoken by over 30 million people at home in this country, and that 15% of this "us" you mention are latinos, who don't think the concept of a mexican holiday — or the spanish language — is as weird and wacky as you do. as someone who lives in a state with almost as many latinos as gringos, i'm pretty shocked to learn that this is how the rest of the country views people, languages, and holidays that aren't lily-white.
- May 5, 2009 at 3:36 PM
- May 5, 2009 at 3:42 PM
- StuffCooksWant said...
OMG... the mayo cake is awesome! I totally would stick that sucker in a sink and call it sinko de mayo.... except I'm not having a party and it's already 3:00... no time. Maybe I'll remember for next year. Probably not.
- May 5, 2009 at 3:47 PM
- Sara said...
I would also like to know why there is a jar of mayonaise cake (aside from that you can put it in the sink and call it a Sink-o de Mayo cake). It's one of those cakes that is actually reasonably well executed, but you still wonder why anyone would want that. I demand more investigative journalism from Cake Wrecks!
- May 5, 2009 at 3:51 PM
- Scritzy said...
Gad! Olives on a cake — I only hope they were candy.
And since I can't abide mayo, I'd not only put the Hellman's cake in the sink, I'd put it in the disposal!
Hmmm. Hellman. Is that Hellboy's father?
I need a Margarita ... with salt ... - May 5, 2009 at 4:00 PM
As a Mexican(American) with family in and from Puebla, I suggest all those erroneously celebrating Mexico's Independence day today relinquish all alcoholic beverages to me. I will dispose of them in proper fashion.
It is rather strange that we celebrate someone else's Independence day at all. I still don't think there's a need to get in a such a tizzy about technicality. Bottoms up! - May 5, 2009 at 4:59 PM
- Alice said...
For me what's funniest is that in Mexico Cinco de Mayo is such a non-holiday. I mean, we don't celebrate it at all!! For us Mexicans in Mexico te Cinco de Mayo celebration with parades and booze and everything is as exotic as can be to your average gringo.
But I guess any excuse is fine to have some cake ;) - May 5, 2009 at 5:11 PM
- Little Luxuries said...
What the heck are those half-dozen greenish things lurking around the edges of that first cake? They look somewhat... menacing.
- May 5, 2009 at 5:57 PM
- 31 To Go... said...
Okay, the Mayo joke -- priceless!
- May 5, 2009 at 6:35 PM
To all the commenters pointing out what a minor holiday Cinco de Mayo is for actual Mexicans - I chuckle in sympathy.
I'm Jewish. Chanukah is one of the tiniest, least significant holidays in our calendar, but it's been blown completely out of proportion in the US because it falls around Christmas time.
We just plain love to celebrate. You just have to shrug, chuckle, and hope your cake isn't too wrecky. - May 5, 2009 at 6:47 PM
Why do the clowns have unnecessarily large thighs?
- May 5, 2009 at 7:23 PM
Are you sure those are notes? I mean, I'm only a professional musician but they don't look like anything ... [maxon attempts to play] mmmm
- May 5, 2009 at 8:07 PM
- Unknown said...
At a former job, we had a "Drinko de Mayo" party...named by the boss, who loved her margaritas!
- May 5, 2009 at 8:20 PM
Gah! Backwards eighth notes. So awful.
- May 5, 2009 at 9:31 PM
- Ruby said...
This comment is so far down God knows if anyone will ever read it!
I just wanted to say that I went to a resaurant and they were having a Cinco de Mayo party.....on the 4th.
Obviously i took a picture!
xx - May 6, 2009 at 5:11 AM
- JM said...
Oh, but they named it in Spanish - I see. That way, instead of sounding silly, it sounds all "exotic-like" to us Gringos.Like the first of July, you mean?
Normally this blog is really funny, but it's just not funny or clever to make fun of how other languages sound in English. - May 6, 2009 at 7:10 AM
- Accidental Londoner said...
What's with those olives atop the Happy Drunk Day cake? Should be accompanied by some cheap white wine and garlic bread!
- May 6, 2009 at 8:11 AM
- Christa said...
sink o' de mayo...I almost fell out of the chair!
Yesterday was my twin daughter's second birthday...but we went to the Mexican restaurant the night before to avoid the "american celebration" of cinco de mayo. But we actually had a VERY CUTE cupcake puppy cake...you know the long haired white ones...it was super cute, the only reason I bought it was because I was in shock it was actually cute and so I could take a picture of it. - May 6, 2009 at 8:39 AM
I really don't think those are olives on the first cake. I think that they are bottles, but they just look like olives due to the angle of the picture...???
"ortowate" - I ortowate to get home before I start drinking! - May 6, 2009 at 9:40 AM
- E.A.D. said...
I'm going to assume the comment about Cinco de Mayo/Fifth of May wasn't meant to sound racist or otherwise hurtful.
The school I work at had a Cinco de Mayo celebration. I'm going to see what I can get them to do come September 16th, since we have some students from Mexican families. Heck, we have students from almost every country in Central America, maybe it should be like a 2 or 3-day celebration. - May 6, 2009 at 10:09 AM
- Gothic Dragon said...
Aw, I loves the Mayo jar Cake! :)
- May 6, 2009 at 11:41 AM
- Autumn said...
Love your blog! And as a music teacher, the one with the music notes...well, the notes are all backwards. That's why they look like skydiving 6's!
- May 6, 2009 at 1:57 PM
- Ruth said...
I suppose you think "The 4th of July" would sound less "silly" as "Cuatro de Julio"?
- May 6, 2009 at 1:58 PM
Anyone who is complaining that Jen is making a racist statement with her comment about Gringos (if you can't see the humor and understand that she's making fun of the "gringos" and not the holiday or Mexicans, etc.) really needs to lighten up or stop reading her blog. If you guys annoy her again she may stop posting altogether and I need my "Cake Wrecks' fix every day.
SO STOP TRYING TO TICK OFF JEN! - May 6, 2009 at 2:22 PM
Hellmann's?....never heard of it, must be an east coast cake. Now, if it only said Best Foods...
wv: unnic - That mayo cake is the most unnic I've ever seen. - May 6, 2009 at 4:55 PM
- Jamie said...
Those clowns have no idea what they are doing. They're singing their skydiving music notes backwards!
(trust the musician, 8th notes go the other way). - May 7, 2009 at 11:25 AM
- YenniJB said...
those of you talking about the "drunk day" cake. I'm the yenni that sent that in...I'm shocked to see it actually used XD
the green things are champagne bottles, and the list next to the cake was actually my boyfriend's list of tv shows he had missed....the date was a random piece of paper..that photo was taken around January 12th...my 21st b-day - May 7, 2009 at 1:12 PM
- Ruth said...
I have nothing against the word "gringo"; I just find it weird that she thinks "The 5th of May" is a silly thing to name a holiday when we have a "4th of July".
Actually, looking up, I see several other people mentioned this too. - May 7, 2009 at 1:26 PM
- Christina Ragusin said...
OMG Sinko de Mayo- pee in your pants funny. PLEASE make a shirt!!!
- May 7, 2009 at 5:57 PM
"Happy drunk day" would probably serve quite well for St. Paddy's day, too.
- May 8, 2009 at 2:47 AM
- Yeah, Its me said...
All the comments we TL;DR, but if you enlarge the pic of the first cake (happy Drunk Day) what the heck does that list say? Missed....then How I wet? like three times and crossed out... Anyone?
- May 8, 2009 at 10:59 AM
- Lisa said...
We have a holiday named after the day too. At least that's how most people refer to independence day. Only problem is, what we celebrate on the 4th of July actually happened on the 2nd of July.
Just saying... - December 2, 2010 at 11:59 AM
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Thursday, January 22, 2009
Breaking News: Head-Swelling Bakery Incident Goes Horribly Awry
Thursday, January 22, 2009
It's like a mixed media collage of cakedom! Seriously, this cake has it all: fun-house-mirror photos, airbrushing, fondant "hair" (don't miss the guy's!), a buttercream border, and sufficient excuse to call the show hosts "fat heads" for at least a week or so. (Oh, did I mention those are the hosts?)
Of course, it could also be used as the poster-cake for the call to ban edible image printing. Really, who thought technology that allows you to eat people's photos was a good idea? It always ends up looking rather creepy.
Or, in this case, gross:
Mmmm, now there's an appetizing composition. I bet all of Karissa's relatives were SO proud. And full. As in, "no-really-I-couldn't-eat-another-bite" full.
106 comments | Post a Comment
I saw the cake a went "eew" out loud.
- January 22, 2009 at 9:26 AM
I love his hair.
- January 22, 2009 at 9:28 AM
- Shelly... said...
I'm glad I already ate breakfast. I thought the top cake was disturbing but the one where the chick is on the toilet. Gaaaa!!
Seriously, why would someone think that would be a good idea? - January 22, 2009 at 9:29 AM
- Neil J Murphy said...
Not to mention that the photo looks like she actually IS trying to sh--!
(And not having an easy time if it. - January 22, 2009 at 9:33 AM
Those are beyond terrible! I'm not sure I would bring them to a TV station...that may be tragic for my business.
WV: quiys....sometimes I'll answer but I'll never understand the quiys... - January 22, 2009 at 9:36 AM
You don't even have to have a piece of this cake to know it has NO TASTE!!!! Reminds me of a phrase one of my high school teachers used, "Diahrrea of words and a constipation of thought." If you find yourself putting profanity AND a picture of someone on a toilet on a cake, just put the pastry bag down verrrry slowly and step away from the icing bowl.
- January 22, 2009 at 9:36 AM
I hope that second cake wasn't chocolate.
- January 22, 2009 at 9:37 AM
- Cheron said...
Oh my! That second cake...who could have possibly thought that was a good idea? At least I can hope the cake wasn't chocolate.
- January 22, 2009 at 9:38 AM
- Amber / Obsidian Dragon said...
I think the graduation cake is hilarious, actually. My mother totally would have had a cake like that made.
This is the woman who, for my 18th birthday, printed all the embarassing photos from my childhood and put them on the wall.
XD - January 22, 2009 at 9:38 AM
- Kate said...
further proof that edible photo + cake = disaster.
- January 22, 2009 at 9:42 AM
So, the first one is so the fault of the bakery... Although I really love the little tie. The second? That's just bad taste.
- January 22, 2009 at 9:46 AM
Ohhhhhh my my my. Where to start?
First off, who has such a twisted sense of humor that they would take a picture of someone ... how shall I say it.. on the potty. And then- say "Hmmm this would make a great cake!"
No..she wont be scared for life at all! - January 22, 2009 at 9:51 AM
- Angie McCullagh said...
Karissa kind of looks like she's about to vomit.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com) - January 22, 2009 at 9:55 AM
- Unknown said...
Its not the fatheads that bother me, it's the mere idea that someone would put a pic of someone on the toilet, on a CAKE!!
That's wrong on so many levels.
~Amy B. - January 22, 2009 at 9:56 AM
Well, you've done it again. I am horribly frightened and scarred for life due to you blog.
Congartluatins. or whatever.
...although, it does kinda give new meaning to "grabbin' a piece of a**"
(wonder how many times you'll hear THAT one today?!) - January 22, 2009 at 9:56 AM
- Unknown said...
WHO in the world would put a picture like that on a cake? Especially a graduation cake! I would be so upset at my family if they ever did that.
The top cake looks like one of those clown dolls that you can knock down but it comes right back up...with a creepy smile. - January 22, 2009 at 9:58 AM
- Lisa Chin said...
Your blog is turning out to be very good for my diet - another morning of not wanting to eat. . .
- January 22, 2009 at 9:59 AM
- Unknown said...
It's hideous, yet I can't look away... OMG... I... I don't know what else to say
- January 22, 2009 at 10:06 AM
Oh my! Wow! Um, what?!?!? I'm at a complete loss!
Holy $#!t! What were they thinking????!!!! - January 22, 2009 at 10:06 AM
- Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...
What were they thinking??
- January 22, 2009 at 10:12 AM
- miss jacobs if you're nasty. said...
the first cake looks like someone photoshopped some faces onto her falsies. and the second? i don't like to think about excrement while i'm eating. gah.
- January 22, 2009 at 10:12 AM
- April said...
hah! I actually like the second cake. She's obviously laughing hysterically about someone taking her photo on the toilet.
I would kill someone for doing that to me but I have a feeling this girl got a good laugh out of it. - January 22, 2009 at 10:18 AM
- ilovebabyquilts said...
I realize that the woman's hair on the first cake takes up some area, but they should have adjusted the guy's flesh colored mound so that he doesn't have a halo of nothingness around his head. Also, it's even more wrecky because the edible photos wrinkled as the baker smoothed them over the mounds.
I like the Karissa cake, I think it's funny! - January 22, 2009 at 10:27 AM
- the willards said...
the second cake is hilarious! LOL
- January 22, 2009 at 10:29 AM
- StinaRie said...
ok, so the first scared me but the second I thought was so horrible that it was funny! I would order a cake like that - you've got to have a sick sense of humor.
- January 22, 2009 at 10:29 AM
- StinaRie said...
"the first cake looks like someone photoshopped some faces onto her falsies."
HILARIOUS - had to go back for a 2nd look! - January 22, 2009 at 10:30 AM
- queenb said...
I just snorted over "I hope the cake isn't chocolate"!
On the newscasters....the intention was good...i think...I mean the little suit jacket and tie and the woman's blouse...and the hair...that part is cute...it's when they add the blown up faces that suddenly the cake zooms out of control...
the second one was out of control as soon as they took that picture...although if you take the rest of the cake...the penmanship on the words, the piping of everything...all that looks good...so this one was not the fault of the baker, but the tastelessness of the customer. "I hope the cake isn't chocolate"! Still chuckling over that one!!!!!! - January 22, 2009 at 10:32 AM
- Etiquette Bitch said...
CW2 is just disgusting! I hope Karissa is no longer speaking to the twisted individual who presented this to her.
- January 22, 2009 at 10:34 AM
- Insanitykim said...
Yeah I certainly want a cake with a picture of a girl on the toilet and a white tube-like structure sitting on top of it--did she graduate or is that "time of the month"? Sheesh.
- January 22, 2009 at 10:42 AM
- Mella said...
Thanks for ruining me perfectly good late lunch
- January 22, 2009 at 10:44 AM
- Jeanna said...
What possesses people to take pictures of their friends on the toilet?
- January 22, 2009 at 10:49 AM
- Sihaya said...
That's a boob cake from a novelty bakery. That's funny, and I'm still trying to figure out if it's intentional.
- January 22, 2009 at 10:52 AM
That news anchor cake is GENIUS!
- January 22, 2009 at 10:54 AM
I guess my daughter better watch our or she might end up like Karissa...you know, all the "great" ideas I get from this wonderful blog!!!!! ;-) - January 22, 2009 at 10:59 AM
Would that second cake be more disgusting if it were yellow cake or chocolate?
Eeeew--red velvet? - January 22, 2009 at 11:00 AM
- Mandi said...
I wonder who ate Karissa's, er, piece.
- January 22, 2009 at 11:02 AM
- Unknown said...
The graduation cake...that is soooo wrong on so many different levels!
- January 22, 2009 at 11:14 AM
- Deborah Godin said...
Note to self: Never have your photo taken on the biffy, not even as a joke, 'cause you never know when it's going to end up on a cake on somebody's hilarious blog, and be seen round the world...
- January 22, 2009 at 11:14 AM
- Unknown said...
I'm praying that's a diploma on the second one and not a feminine hygiene product. CanNOT imagine it any situation where you would think it was ok to put that image on a cake. Hope mama remembers who's gonna pick the nursing home!
- January 22, 2009 at 11:16 AM
- OldMorgans said...
This is the first I have heard of edible photos. And I wish I could still remain in ignorance. Some things are better left unknown.
The word verification for this comment was "hyaws" which describes my reaction to the cakes quite well.
curtsbookshemet.blogspot.com - January 22, 2009 at 11:25 AM
- Tara MacDonald said...
Let's just hope and pray that the last cake wasn't chocolate!!!
- January 22, 2009 at 11:34 AM
We now know why Karissa needs therapy...it was Suzy's day yesterday...not its poor Karissa's turn.
WV: Stringi: maybe this refers to the hair or perhaps this would have been really creepy if it appeared on the body part day. - January 22, 2009 at 11:35 AM
- Rana said...
Oh god. I assumed that the girl was just sitting on the toilet. But a second look revealed that the lid is up and her pants are down.
EW!!! - January 22, 2009 at 11:54 AM
l love the second cake. i think it shows that family has a great sense of humour. very funny!
- January 22, 2009 at 12:10 PM
- Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...
I have always wanted to eat a cake of a girl going to the bathroom. Yummy. Just so long as it doesn't have that bathroomy taste, that'd be awkward.
- January 22, 2009 at 12:26 PM
- Hyena Overlord said...
I like the tie.
I'm waiting for the heads to explode.
Where is the last bastion to good taste? I think I need to go live there after seeing the second cake.
wvotd..lizoisig: pronounced lees wa sig; the inability to tell what is in good taste and what is not. This condition is accompanied by a lack of insight and the inabiity to learn from one's ventures into bad taste. - January 22, 2009 at 12:31 PM
- The Frolicking Fräulein said...
Someone needs to stop passing around the haterade.
Karissa's cake is GENIUS.
And anyone who thinks that it lacks taste has CLEARLY never inspected a Facebook or Myspace page, ever. - January 22, 2009 at 1:02 PM
- Tantra Flower said...
Reason number 4567838392 to close and LOCK the bathroom door...
- January 22, 2009 at 1:09 PM
- Debbi said...
Wow. I thought yesterday's baby cake was scary ... those anchors on the first cake look they are about to pop. Back away from the cake, ladies and gentlemen, just back away from the cake ...
The second one does not even deserve a comment. I hope the decorator quit/was fired in shame after that one! No excuse! - January 22, 2009 at 1:22 PM
You always worry about awful photos of yourself ending up on the Internet. Poor Karissa! On a cake that ends up on the Internet!
- January 22, 2009 at 1:25 PM
- Tatersmama said...
The toilet one gives new meaning to the phrase "tasteless" doesn't it!
I just hope that that wasn't chocolate mud cake.
I will never eat mud cake again! - January 22, 2009 at 1:39 PM
- Adele said...
I know that girl on the Potty's Momma is real proud.
(WV:Muffle what you do when you are reading Cakewrecks at work.) - January 22, 2009 at 1:41 PM
- jengersnap said...
Sure hope the grad cake didn't include a request for fudge filling.
WV: Cheri. Karissa with a cheri on top, ftw! - January 22, 2009 at 1:43 PM
- WM said...
This is like rubber-necking at an accident on the freeway. You know you shouldn't look , but, you...just...can't...help...
yourself... - January 22, 2009 at 1:54 PM
First Karissa has to endure getting that cake at her party. I bet she thought it was sort of funny. With her family & friends. I wonder how funny she thinks it is now that it's all over the Internet? Because now, we all know what a big freak Karissa is. And we have the toilet picture AND the cake to prove it. But hey- at least she's got that diploma! Congrats Karissa!
- January 22, 2009 at 2:32 PM
- Ted S. (Just a Cineast) said...
I can't help but wonder whether Karissa was in on the joke. There are lots of people out there who have such a lowbrow sense of humor. (As an example, I sometimes refer to myself as a "young fart", as opposed to all those old farts out there.)
At least, I certainly hope she was in on the joke. - January 22, 2009 at 2:35 PM
Hey maybe the Frolicking Fraulein is onto something here.
"So what picture do you want on your graduation cake Karissa?"
"Oh how about the picture from my MySpace profile!"
I've definitely seen this bad and worse on people's social networking pages. I just never thought I'd see it on a cake. *scratches her head* And I agree with Neil too...from the look on her face she needs to lay off eating whole blocks of cheese in one sitting. - January 22, 2009 at 2:35 PM
I can just hear the 5 years olds now.... "I want the butt! I want the butt!"
Nastiness - January 22, 2009 at 3:18 PM
That graduation cake is just wrong on so many levels. Wow!
- January 22, 2009 at 3:20 PM
- Scritzy said...
The first cake is bizarre. Having once worked in radio and seen firstshand what a "fan" does in frosting to represent a deejay, I feel the pain there.
The second cake. Holy crap. And I mean that literally. Talk about a "dump" cake! And dang, the diploma does look like a Tampex.
It seems after all the ahem, goofy pictures of teens that have shown up on the internet would make people think twice about posing for this kind of picture. Evidently not ... I fear for humanity's future ...
Word verification: unottl. Unottl better ever try to make ME one of those wrecks. - January 22, 2009 at 3:22 PM
- Unknown said...
stopping by to say congrats on your Weblog nom!
http://2009.bloggies.com/ - January 22, 2009 at 3:26 PM
Holy. Yikes. That is all.
- January 22, 2009 at 3:41 PM
To the Frolicking Fraulein:
Unfortunately comparing bad to to even worse taste does not negate or void the original bad taste!
WV - fieles -what the dyslexic thinks this cake will attract. - January 22, 2009 at 4:02 PM
- clueuin said...
FOMCALMAO (Falling Off My Chair, etc)
Oh, my god! LOL
I could just see the daughter looking at her mother a the while saying "Why, mother, Why?
Clueuin - January 22, 2009 at 4:02 PM
I hope its not Chocolate
- January 22, 2009 at 4:06 PM
OMG does not even begin to describe it. Those booby heads are weird. But I am so jealous! When will I have my inflatable ego put on a cake for all to admire!
On Karissa's cake though, why does everyone assume it was her family? That looks like the work of very dear and near friends to me! - January 22, 2009 at 4:39 PM
That last cake defines trailer-trash-mentality. Only an utterly classless parent would think that's a terrific idea for a graduation cake, complete with expletive spelled out in blue frosting.
This country is DOOMED. - January 22, 2009 at 4:39 PM
- Amy Lee said...
They'll put a picture of an adult woman on a toilet on a cake, but not the little boy named Adolf's name?
Hmmm.... - January 22, 2009 at 4:51 PM
- Brianna T said...
I absolutely adore the clothes on the first cake!
- January 22, 2009 at 5:08 PM
- E.A.D. said...
Hookay, I'd pitch a fit to rival the Spartans in 300, if that second cake ever happened to me. THere are just some things that are too sick to laugh at.
- January 22, 2009 at 5:19 PM
I laughed when I realized you blocked out the 4 letter word, but had no problem posting a picture of a girl on the toilet with her pants around her ankles. Such standards! :)
- January 22, 2009 at 5:32 PM
OK, when I first opened this page I got a bad glare from the window, and I seriously thought the male anchor was supposed to be Kevin from the US version of The Office, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out who on the show the woman was. I was having a really hard time figuring out how you would tie this to the "I Want Sprinkles" cake that quoted Angela from that very same series.
Then I read the actually commentary on the blog.
And then I read the comments.
It's even funnier and stranger than I originally imagined. - January 22, 2009 at 5:57 PM
- Susan said...
Cake #1 is disturbing and scary.
Cake #2 is disturbing and nasty.
WV: Shlyot These cake wreckorators oughta by shlyot. - January 22, 2009 at 5:58 PM
- Sarah said...
Man, you guys are all WAY too uptight. That graduation cake is just funny! It's quirky humour that some people don't get, but others (myself included) do. Just because we find that funny doesn't mean we're dumb, or trailer trash, or anything else like that. We just appreciate the weird side of life.
I'm the type that likes Monty Python, though, so that might explain it a bit. :) - January 22, 2009 at 6:19 PM
Quite honestly - if I can get my youngest son through HS to graduation, I'm thinking a cake along those lines would be perfect. I'll bet his principal would help me pay for it too, since I'm sure he'll feel the same 'holy s***' way as the rest of us!
- January 22, 2009 at 6:31 PM
- Keemster said...
Those are just ick and wrong!!
- January 22, 2009 at 6:47 PM
That second cake - class. Pure class.
I bet poor Karissa was truly pissed off by that one.
What kind of boneheads think taking pictures of people on toilets is funny? With family like that, it's no wonder they are amazed she graduated. - January 22, 2009 at 6:49 PM
*LOL* I guess embarrassing your kids rally is a full time job...hehe! I dont know though, I probably won't do any toilet shots of my kids on the toilet for graduation!
- January 22, 2009 at 6:54 PM
I think that the graduation cake is pretty funny.
- January 22, 2009 at 7:00 PM
- TheManOfNotts said...
The toilet cake is great. But you cant eat a cake where someone is taking a dump!!!!!!!!
- January 22, 2009 at 7:39 PM
That is horrible! I love how one picture doesn't even cover the mound o' cake!
- January 22, 2009 at 8:00 PM
- Wolverine Girl said...
I'm just glad that the writing and borders on the Karissa cake isn't brown.
Word Verification: Ofibli - Obmoa's second cousin - January 22, 2009 at 8:00 PM
- the ginabean said...
I'd've killed whoever took a picture of me on the pot. Photo would've been destroyed so putting it on a cake wouldn't have even been an issue.
Oh yeah, and also, I can't think of anyone in my life who'd think to put such a picture on a CAKE of all things.
Hell's bells! - January 22, 2009 at 8:08 PM
The first time I viewed this post, the ad at the bottom said "diaper cakes" and I thought it was part of the post!
Absolutely adore this blog, by the way. - January 22, 2009 at 11:08 PM
- Das Mutter said...
That second cake is absolutely hysterical! Wish I'd have thought of it!
- January 22, 2009 at 11:24 PM
Is.. anyone else getting the "Diaper Cake" ad? I burst out laughing over it, but.. then I realized it was real...
Cake Wrecks, where even the ads fail. - January 23, 2009 at 12:17 AM
- Kitti said...
Wow, that first cake is downright SCARY! And the 2nd, that's just nasty!
~K - January 23, 2009 at 1:05 AM
- Angie said...
ummm... Seriously some one needs to out law edible photo on cakes.
When people request a photo on a cake the men is white coats need to swoop in and take them to a padded cell where they can rethink the whole thing. - January 23, 2009 at 1:36 AM
Blog Luv Award~ You have been tagged as one of my top 10 blogs! Take a moment to spread the LUV around.
- January 23, 2009 at 7:22 AM
I can't believe so many people don't realize that the toilet picture is completely posed and voluntary. No one busted in on her in the bathroom actually using it. She probably came up with the idea herself.
- January 23, 2009 at 12:08 PM
- Salvo said...
Am I the only person who thought the second cake was hilarious?? :)
- January 23, 2009 at 1:39 PM
- Feisty Irish Wench said...
And my husband wonders why I lock the bathroom door....
- January 23, 2009 at 5:28 PM
- Buckeye Benita said...
That's just wrong.
- January 23, 2009 at 11:53 PM
- Scythemantis said...
LOL, I recognized the last photo immediately! A friend of mine took it years ago (before cakewrecks existed!) at the bakery she works for, and said that whoever ordered it never came back to claim it. I'm glad she found the photo, we were just saying it'd make a good submission.
- January 24, 2009 at 5:18 AM
- Tracy Sherwood said...
You really have to wonder about the relationship Karissa has with a person who would a) take a picture of her on the toilet, and b)put said picture on a graduation cake (or any cake for that matter). I wonder how that relationship held up after this incident?
- January 24, 2009 at 10:52 PM
- Miz Dinah said...
God I hope that's not a chocolate cake! :)
- January 25, 2009 at 3:01 PM
- NEEDLEWINGS said...
Nothing like being caught with your pants down. LOL
- January 25, 2009 at 3:26 PM
I'm surprises that the bakery accepted this photo for putting on a cake. There should be a way for bakeries to decline photos they deem obscene--such as this one. Bodily functions don't belong in public, least of all on edibles.
- January 25, 2009 at 10:49 PM
for all of the people whose minds have been absolutely shattered over the second cake, who's to say that the honoree didn't love it, or even plan it? Or that the people eating the cake didn't totally get the joke and not have any problem at all eating a cake with edible ink that happens to be sprinkled in a pattern to resemble a photograph? Because that's really all it is... little dots of edible ink. It apparently WAS a good idea to the people who ordered and enjoyed it.
- January 26, 2009 at 1:12 AM
To Anonymous of January 26th - If you had bothered to read ALL the posts before jumping in to defend the s**t cake, you would have come across the post by Blogger Scythemantis who revealed that the "dots" were never enjoyed by anyone. The recipient blessedly never even SAW the cake. It was never picked up. Soooooo, we would have to conclude that someone finally sobered up and realized that putting a photo of someone on a toilet - posed or otherwise - and with a swear word on it - was NOT a good idea.
And if, in some parallel universe, people did "get it" and enjoy it, good for them. I still think it's rubbish and tacky. Am I not allowed to have an opinion? Or are you the Chief of the Opinion Police?
As for people's minds being "shattered" by the sheer bad taste of the cake (no pun intended) - Do you honestly think people went through the rest of the day/week unable to think of anything else with a look of disgust permanently pasted on their faces? Goodness me! It's a CAKE! It's a PICTURE of a cake! Why would anyone be shattered over that? Lord knows we have bigger problems. This site is a pleasant diversion, and sometimes we like to leave/read comments - opinions - without having to deal with a lecture from someone who doesn't even bother to GET the FACTS first. @@ - January 29, 2009 at 7:05 AM
- Volleymaniac said...
why would anyone do that, everyone probablt didnt want a piece of the picture, you know, cause.
- February 6, 2009 at 9:21 PM
The thing I'm most curious about is that strange, yellow halo around the man's head. Maybe a Bakery-God who was cursed with a sort of Pinocchio-but-with-a-fat-head thing?
D'OH! And poor Karissa! Can you imagine?
Karissa: Hey, it's graduation! Phew! I passed! Aww, thanks, a surprise party! And a cake-- this is too mu... I thought you deleted that. *deadly glare* - May 23, 2009 at 1:39 AM
the first cake looks like 3-d gone wrong... like a horrible hallucinogenic trip...This will be my discouragement from ever doing any kind of hallucinogenics...
- March 9, 2010 at 2:28 AM
Actually, I think we're all missing the deeper surealism here; that's a picture of a guy's head printed ONTO a head. So I imagine he is facing away from us and he has a tatoo of his own face printed on the back of his head. And his jacket's on backwards. Yeah, that's it.
Wow, Jen, how to you DO this every day??? - March 15, 2010 at 2:56 PM
- Cupcakes Lady said...
Thanks for ruining me perfectly good breakfast! ha xx
- October 13, 2010 at 8:51 AM
"To Anonymous of January 26th - If you had bothered to read ALL the posts before jumping in to defend the s**t cake, you would have come across the post by Blogger Scythemantis who revealed that the "dots" were never enjoyed by anyone. The recipient blessedly never even SAW the cake...."
Well, she probably has now. - July 9, 2011 at 4:48 PM
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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
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