text:
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Why B Normal?
When junior high arrived, I didn't want to be different in ANY way. I longed to be invited to boy-girl parties, and have feathered hair and Jordache jeans just like everyone else. Problem is, due to body type, and braces, and general "Anna-ness," I couldn't pull that off. Ever. I later came to see that being different in junior high probably protected me from a lot of dicey situations, but I certainly saw no value in that at the time.
As I got older, I managed to both fit in and be a little bit different at the same time. During high school and college, I had friends from a lot of different groups, and that worked for me. As a result of straddling different groups, I never felt completely enmeshed in any one, but that's how I liked it. In college, for instance, I'd go to frat parties with my sorority sisters and have a blast, but I wouldn't necessarily join them in doing beer slides or drinking grain alcohol out of trashcans. I liked being a little bit different, and besides, some people are born to be designated drivers.
As a young mom, I wanted to be different enough as in, "Wow, her kids are GENIUSES, and so stinkin' CUTE!" while also hoping certain issues I was going through were the exact same for other moms, such as, "My daughter won't put socks on if she's already brushed her teeth" or, "My son picks his boogies and eats them during every preschool concert!" Often, I didn't accept my kids' differences, or quirks, and tried to make them conform to what I thought was normal. But always, I tried to be real, encouraging other moms that we were all in this together and could do this hard, wonderful thing called mothering.
After I put my kids in private school, I sometimes felt too different, because I wanted to be part of two communities at once. I didn't want to miss out on neighborhood/town connections, and I didn't want people to think I was Judgy McJudge Pants for having my kids in a different school. I just wanted to fit in and have people like me. Sound a little like junior high, just without the mullet? Perhaps.
Faith-wise, I've always been comfortable being the woman who goes to church a lot and loves God, but not necessarily comfortable enough to talk about it or stand out as different.
So sometimes I've wanted to be a little different, sometimes not. But now? As the parent of a dead child? I don't just feel different, I feel like an alien. This life, this world, doesn't seem to fit me anymore. I can't believe I look remotely normal when I walk down the street or drive in my car, because I feel so "off"-- so stricken-- with a new reality that I consider completely, utterly, unacceptable.
This is NOT the way things are supposed to be. Those previous "differences" in my life? Were infinitesimal in scope and fell neatly within the parameters of "normal." This is not normal.
I don't want to be the mom of a dead son. Not my Jack. Margaret does not want to be that sister, and I hate that this sad distinction will follow my zany, sparkling girl. And Tim? Quiet, affable Tim, whose most traumatic life event to date had been finding out, at an embarrassingly late age, that Santa wasn't real? This kind of pain, this heartache, sets him apart in a way that he never could have imagined, not in his worst nightmares.
Because it is just not right.
We're supposed to be talking about Jack going to HIS first boy-girl party and, unlike me, he was cute enough to actually score an invite. We're supposed to talk about the school play or video game ratings, or S.E.X. We are not supposed to talk about whether we are getting grief counseling, when we'll pick out a headstone, or how we're going to change our Christmas traditions this year.
No. No. No!
This all too different, too brutal, too strange.
I must admit, that underneath this formerly stable, predictable life ran a current, planted in early childhood in the mind of a reader of books, that her life would somehow be different from those around her. But what did that look like to a young dreamer's mind? Perhaps becoming an actress, winning the lottery, or cracking a case a la Nancy Drew. Doing something unusual. I can't pin it down, but there certainly was a niggling desire to be different in some more significant way.
But THIS? This is NOT what I imagined.
73 comments:
- Carol-Anne said...
I KNOW it's not the same...believe me I know. But this year I'm different because I have a son who has made some scary drug-induced choices and I'm terrified for where he'll end up....so while all of our friends are talking about their children going off to college or starting their first jobs....our son is living in hell right now and there's no end in sight. I never expected to be this different either. You think you'll just be like everyone else, or even better, and then your life takes a turn you never saw coming. I'm praying for you and yours.
- December 14, 2011 at 5:22 PM
I think of you ALL the time even though we have never met. I spoke of your Jack to my son, Jack, yesterday because he wanted to walk to dog around the block all by himself and I wasn't comfortable with it. Long story how your Jack came up, but he was thought about by strangers...a lot.
If only people's thoughts and prayers could actually put a dent in your family's grief. I hope you are attending some kind of support group. Maybe it would help to share your grief with others in similar situations (never the same as they are NEVER the same.)
I'm sending you love and hope you feel a tiny bit of it somehow for your sake...so Margaret can be her true self and still fly...so your husband can heal....still praying for the all of you, Jack included. - December 14, 2011 at 5:27 PM
- Stefanie said...
It's as if you're living in a parallel parenting universe, one you never planned to be in, but somehow just dropped into. You're walking and talking and going through life, but on a different path, next to but not WITH the other parents. I'm so sorry.
I've been thinking of you all the time as you navigate through this difficult season. I take solace that you're talking through this on your blog, and I hope you continue doing that. As others have said, you are in our hearts and prayers, and we are here, holding you up even as you go along that parallel path. - December 14, 2011 at 5:31 PM
- Ann Imig said...
And yet you've joined an infinite line of mothers/sisters/husbands who belong to this exact group.
You are not alone. You are not an alien.
Love and peace to you guys. - December 14, 2011 at 5:38 PM
- L said...
I hate this different-ness so much. The world is upside down. All wrong, wrong, wrong. Hate, hate, hate it. Love, love, love you.
- December 14, 2011 at 5:38 PM
Oh Anna. It's never what we imagine I don't think. Your pain,grief,and anger are palpable.
You're not "alien" in any way. You,Tim, and Margaret are deeply loved by so many who know you, and so many who don't. We can only play the hand we're dealt, and you're playing a spectacularly hideous hand with grace beyond words.
I don't like to imagine what I'd do under the same circumstances, but I think we'd be spending Christmas somewhere strange and warm, where we'd be just another beautiful couple with a darling daughter. - December 14, 2011 at 5:39 PM
- Kate Coveny Hood said...
You always remind me so much of me... See it's not just Tim!
This has always felt SO wrong to me. And the last conversation we had gave me a lot of comfort. It doesn't change how it feels, but it helps.
And I can't tell you how often I think about you during the day. How often I wish that things were different. And not *this* kind of different.
I love you. - December 14, 2011 at 5:49 PM
- Momastery said...
This post is beautiful. You are doing it. You are surviving...more than surviving...you are creating art during this excruciating time. Like this post...this post is art. Thank you for being so honest and brave. Please don't ever hold back. We are with you and for you and we can handle the truth. I love you, Anna.
- December 14, 2011 at 5:58 PM
My heart aches for you right now. I feel helpless , when all your readers want to do is make your life better, happier and easier.
I teach middle school and have only taught MS for the same reason you felt. Kids are different and want to be accepted during this time of their lives. You can really make a difference in this fork in the road.
But let me tell you, you are making difference to us, to our lives. So you are different in many ways but we dont view as different because you lost your beautiful Jack. Your different because you write what we think, you give advice when not even realizing it and you have helped make other live better because your so different! THANK YOU!!
luv2run - December 14, 2011 at 6:09 PM
- Ellen aka Ellie said...
When my dad was dying, he wanted soup from his favorite Chinese restaurant even though he could not eat it.
I went out to get it for him on a lovely December "everyone else is Christmas shopping my dad is dying" kind of day. Normal? I thought my car was wrapped in NEON.
I remember driving to work after my dad died, I had to go in to do sub plans, and I threw the toll change past the receptacle. I did laugh at how unhinged I was feeling.
In that moment I hoped I would always cut others slack, since I didn't know where anyone else's shoes were carrying them.
I thought about you recently, at church, at work, at the grocery store being "the dead kid's mom." I know people don't smack that label on you to be mean, but it has to be hard in public and in private. Your shoes are carrying you on a walk none of us wants to take.
I still can't believe it has happened, so for you, my heart hurts each morning.
Sorry for the rambling. - December 14, 2011 at 6:14 PM
Anna, you never fail to write something beautiful and poignant and meaningful to other people's problems and histories. So, because you can articulate what we all have or will feel, you aren't different at all. You are a voice for all the people who feel something similar but don't know how to speak.
- December 14, 2011 at 6:20 PM
- Juli Schuster said...
As my kids deal with the recent, sudden death of their dad, I also think about the loss and emptiness that will always be with them and the 'longing' that will always, always be there. I am trying to accept the fact that because they have been dealt this crappy hand, that they are destined to one day be the ones who are helping others through terrible, tragic loss in their lives- just as you are through your writing. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts about your beautiful boy- you are helping us.
- December 14, 2011 at 6:33 PM
- Lisa said...
Anna, you have a gift for taking words and weaving them in such a way that leaves me feeling like I am peeking into your soul. I cannot imagine the way life feels right now.
I do understand the feeling of alienation...the feeling of being a stranger in your own world..and I wish I could make that stop for you, because it is such a crummy place to be.
I continue to pray for you, Tim, and Margaret... - December 14, 2011 at 6:34 PM
oh anna, as always, your posts just resonate and touch me so. we do feel like an alien, we hate thinking (knowing?) that people are looking at us and whispering "she's the one whose son died", we can't bear to see our husband and daughter in so much pain, when we are in so much pain too. as one commentor also wrote, as much as we feel like an alien, we aren't, cuz there are so many of us out there. it sure seems like everyone around is living in the world we used to live in, we long and ache to live in again. yes, this is wrong. this is shitty and horrible and terrible. someone told me after our son died that this must have been God's plan, and all I could say was that it was a really crappy plan then (which I don't believe it was anyway). keep on writing, keep on sharing. Jack mattered, you and tim and margaret matter. sending huge, enormous, heartfelt cyber hugs.
- December 14, 2011 at 7:08 PM
I hear you, girlfriend. You speak the truth and I like it. And I definitely refer to middle school as my "Chelsea Clinton Years."
You got dealt the shittiest of all hands. I am so sorry. Always here to witness whatever it is you have to say. - December 14, 2011 at 7:11 PM
so many thoughts...but first of all, without having met you, I adore and love your Anna-ness. Your writing has inspired introspection for so many of us. I guess you are feeling your mind is separate of the motions your body is going through, right? Like you are watching yourself carry on each day and your mind is always off somewhere else, filled with a myriad of emotions. Like that sign I saw a bird figurine holding in a local shop, "love is the answer." Love you receive from friends, family, readers will see you through and the love you continue to give to Jack through your writing and such, will see you through. I can't imagine trying to take care of your own grief while also keenly caring for your daughter's as well. It is a huge task, but love is the answer. Love will get you through, in all of its beautiful, wonderous forms.
- December 14, 2011 at 7:20 PM
- IrishRN07 said...
I remember that wonderful house (it wasn't a civil war hospital?!) Being the kind of wonderfully different person you are I'm sure that, ironically, the "alienness" that you feel will now will eventually turn into a powerful sense of connection to those around you, be it across the street or across the world.
- December 14, 2011 at 7:33 PM
- A Speckled Trout said...
Sometimes I try to write something profound in response to your profound posts, and then I think........Hmmmm, if I were on the other end reading this, I'd tell this chick to shut her piehole.
So I'll save you the effort of thinking that or giving advice of which I know nothing about. But, I do know that fitting in and sticking out is equally uncomfortable when living the life you planned, in all its glorious dullness at times, is all any of us wish for, and the very thing that has no guarantee. - December 14, 2011 at 7:51 PM
Your incredibly honest words are just breathtaking. We are praying for your precious family.
- December 14, 2011 at 7:58 PM
- Shauna said...
You have an amazing way of expressing yourself. Praying for you still.
- December 14, 2011 at 8:00 PM
A wonderful post. It somehow makes me feel a little bit more normal. This fall has been excruciating. It baffles me that the world can continue to revolve on its axis at the same speed.
Sometimes I feel like there is a sign on my forehead...that people are staring and talking as soon as I pass. Other times, I WISH there was a sign on my head... because I just do NOT want people acting normal. I want to stomp my feet and scream because nothing is normal anymore.
I am so sorry that everything is so different. When I think of you, Anna, you are still the same. You are beautiful and kind and wise... a wonderful friend. I love you. - December 14, 2011 at 8:04 PM
- Suburban Correspondent said...
Sometimes I think it must feel the way Adam and Eve felt after being driven out of the Garden of Eden. That's how I feel sometimes - exiled. And there is no way to get back, now that I know what it is like "outside." If I were to go back, I would still be changed.
- December 14, 2011 at 8:28 PM
- Yankee, Transferred said...
It's not normal, and it's so wrong.
I am sorry.
:( - December 14, 2011 at 8:29 PM
This is not what I imagined either. Know that my heart stopped that day in September. Not for me, but for you, my sweet friend. I've thought about you every day since that day in September and I wish to goodness I could bear that pain for you.
As I grieve this holiday season, I long for joy and an ability to celebrate in the midst of some really dark times. This is my wish for my friends. And for me. Know that you are being lifted up before our Heavenly Father who understands your groanings. Please keep sharing. I can only hope this helps.
Hugs to you from me!! - December 14, 2011 at 8:31 PM
I remember when my brother went into a coma. It was the day before Halloween. I flew in, and I kept forgetting it was Halloween. And I kept thinking, the world just moves on no matter what has happened to my brother. At times, it was a blessing. I wanted to hide my feelings and myself. Other times, I wanted to shout, who cares about your insignificant problems... my brother won't wake up you ^%&^&^! More than three years later, I am the sister to a 44 year old brother in a nursing home. I still can't believe it. My brother is too young to be surrounded by all those old people. And the ridiculous part.. those old people can DO more than my brother. I don't like this new "normal" in my family. No Matt to act goofy at family gatherings. Only Matt to visit in the horrible nursing home. I try to remember exactly our last conversation. But I can't. They believe my brother can understand us. But he can't respond in any real way other than blinking or slight hand movements. I've had a lot of one-sided conversations. I haven't told anyone this. But one really hard thing for me. At church, there is a man that looks so similar to my brother… right down to the haircut. He has two young children. I look at him, and feel so sad for my brother trapped in a useless body. At times I can't stand that that man is there. Other times it almost brings me comfort.. like seeing the healthy brother I'll never have, again. Crazy, right? I know my situation is very different than yours. As a mother, I can only attempt to imagine your feelings. I understand feeling like the world goes on and your life doesn't fit. And how can this be how your family now exists. My parents have aged before my eyes. It is so hard in so many ways. I pray for you. And my two daughters do as well. I am thankful you have your faith. Mine has brought me comfort. You might feel like an alien right now, but your words speak clearly to all your readers. You have a gift for honestly expressing yourself. And, in turn, you are helping others without even realizing it.
- December 14, 2011 at 8:32 PM
- prenni5 said...
I can't even imagine how different you must feel Anna. I would imagine that this has changed everything. And I don't know what advice to offer that would make you feel comfortable in your own skin again. I do believe though that if God took Jack away; he must have a plan for your new and very different life. I pray that you find that new plan soon. Your writing is amazing; just keeps getting better and better. With blessings & love, Annie
- December 14, 2011 at 8:44 PM
- j.sterling said...
are you still reading? do you find time to get lost in fiction stories? i just published my first young adult novel, so if you want to um... read something for teenage girls, let me know. i'd love to send you a copy. see? once again, i've managed to make 2 of your posts tonight all about ME.
but really, sometimes books are... the perfect escape. - December 14, 2011 at 10:24 PM
- Pseudo said...
You know my prayers are with you. 2011 was a rough year. One of my closest friends lost her husband to a rare form of cancer. Their children are 3 and 6. Two months later another friend lost her husband to a heart attack. Their son is 10. I thought our family had it rough when our son was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety disorder two years ago and we learned how to try and help him through this.
Then your family lost your beautiful boy. I don't want you to be different for that too. All the love in the world to you and your family. - December 14, 2011 at 10:52 PM
My dear sister lost her daughter four years ago. She too feels alien and 'different'. She hates it, but at the same time feels like, well, things are different. Irrevocably, horrendously different. Something so huge and immensely important is missing. She wants people to know and recognise that on some level. Yet she too has this feeling of being alien, and as one of the commentators noted, being on a separate yet parallel path to other parents. How lonely this must feel breaks my heart. But she is NOT alone. She is surrounded by so much love. So many of us are walking with her, willing her on with each step. I can see it is the same for you. You may feel lonely and different but you're not alone. I hope that helps just a little, somehow.
I can't imagine how difficult the next few weeks are going to be for your and yours. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I will never forget Jack's story. - December 15, 2011 at 2:53 AM
- Unknown said...
Your life sounds like a twin to mine, except for the grain alcohol out of trash cans part. Thus the abstinence in my current life. ;-)
In spite of my heartbreaking personal experience with death, I know it's not the same as losing a child. All I can do is become part of this large support web that hopes to support you should you fall in too deep. - December 15, 2011 at 3:18 AM
- Mrs. E said...
You are magnificent at wording exactly what grieving parents/people feel. You say the things that don't get said. I know this is far from your mind, but--if you could put this in book form, I think it could help a lot of people who are walking your walk or have walked your walk.
- December 15, 2011 at 4:04 AM
I understand what you mean about thinking from a young age that your life would be different. That somehow your path would be different to the "average" person.
I can relate to the idea that you've had of maybe being a published author or an accomplished actress...or perhaps an astronaut or Nobel prize winner.
What we don't realize is that sometimes it's what we've experienced in life that has made us different and articulating our pain from being "different" is what we're here to do. That it helps so many of us who feel different from our own life experiences.
Having said that though the pain sucks and you don't deserve to go through this much of it!
Sending you a big hug.
Always thinking of you Anna...... - December 15, 2011 at 4:22 AM
I have no words, but how beautiful your writing is to me. Tears today. I will pray for you and your family this Christmas.
May God Bless you all.
It may not be the Christmas you wanted, but maybe it will still be a good one.
~Renee - December 15, 2011 at 5:12 AM
- ella said...
I felt separated from the majority when my dad died from a massive heart attack. I was 19. A couple weeks before Christmas, crowds of people in line at the mall, only instead of buying gifts I was returning them.
I morphed into an alien 6 years ago when my husband committed suicide. The whispers, the rumors, the avoidance. I felt completely and utterly alone.
I don't know why these things happen. Some things, like a heart attack, can be explained. A suicide? Harder to explain. A child's death? Impossible to explain.
Our situations are not the same, but I understand the feeling of not belonging, of not quite fitting in to the rest of the world. I'm so sorry, Anna. I pray you'll be given some measure of comfort and peace in these upcoming weeks. - December 15, 2011 at 6:04 AM
- Katy said...
Anna there is nothing right in this world. My 1 yr/o niece is in the hospital having a chest catheter placed (she has cystic fibrosis), and all week I've been wondering if I have the strength to watch her slowly die, and not end up believing bad things about God.
Death is not right. In the words of Ecclesiastes, everything is utterly meaningless. The only hope we have is in what comes next, after death. Those of us who walk through life with intact families are the luckey few. - December 15, 2011 at 6:28 AM
I'm reminded, "what is normal." There isn't even really a normal, in reality. Only a story of normal. So many stories we tell ourselves of how we should be, how things should be.
One thing I love about reading your posts is the truth you so rawly weave. The ups, the downs. The real. Telling it in the real way you experience it. It blasts through the story of any normal way grief should be....or even how life should be.
And I'm reminded of the beauty of story. And also, how Don Miguel Ruiz conveyed in the Fifth Agreement to not believe the story.
Thanks for bringing that up for me, whether you meant to or not. :) - December 15, 2011 at 8:17 AM
- Patricia said...
Dear Anna - Your words are so painfully true.....my heart aches for you. I remember after losing my brother, my mother couldn't believe that life was going on for others - every time we went out you could see an incredulous look on her face, that people were continuing to do what they had to do, while we all suffered so much.....I am praying for you and your family, that your hearts may find some peace.......
- December 15, 2011 at 8:46 AM
Your writing is so eloquent Anna, so poignant and heart-rending...I think you are going to use your gift of writing in some way to help other families in your situation realize that one can survive this horrible "differentness" with grace and dignity, while still honoring the memory of your dear loved one. You are talented Anna! Not to mention amazing, and funny, and inspiring, and classy and...
- December 15, 2011 at 8:49 AM
- Kim @ A Brush of Whimsy said...
I don't think you're normal...I think you are sparkly, radiant and beyond brave and inspring.
Kim - December 15, 2011 at 9:50 AM
my aunt and uncle lost their daughter when she was in her late teens to suicide... they never spent another holiday in their home nor in anyone else's - they travelled the world... not saying this is right or wrong.. it was just too painful - the memories. our hearts continue to break for you, Tim and Margaret. Life is not fair but somehow a shining light will be with you this Christmas as you try to get thru the horrow of missing your boy one holiday at a time... xoxo Love Patty
- December 15, 2011 at 10:04 AM
- Debby@Just Breathe said...
So many young girls dream of finding their prince charming, getting married and having children. No one dreams of burying a child. Those are nightmares we worry about being a parent. I know I do, almost everyday those thoughts run through my mind. My greated fear being realized. It breaks my heart that you lost your Jack and the fact that people all over the world have to live through this nightmare of burying a child. Why? Why does life have to be so painful. Not just painful for you, it's more than that because the death of a child is extreme pain. The heart is broken beyond repair. Only knowing that he is with God and that you will be together again is the ounce of strength that keeps you moving forward each day. I pray to God to give me the answers, tell me something that I can pass on to grieving parents. You should not have to hurt like this. ((HUGS))
Your posts are amazing. - December 15, 2011 at 10:06 AM
- Aimee said...
You write so well and I'm always trying to express myself in a reply the same but I just lack the talent!! Ha!!!
You were a redhead ?! I was and still am a very different breed from the rest of the world but this isn't about me...
I can imagine that you feel a complete disconnection from everyone because you lost a son, it's beyond heartbreaking and all seems like just a horrific dream! :(
I can tell you this.... I've learned so much from your blog, things I should pay more attention to when it comes to parenting, and things that I shouldn't do. I want to thank you for that.
Jack will forever live in all of our hearts..... - December 15, 2011 at 10:14 AM
- Rach said...
While this is definitely different for you, different from your old normal, alas, you aren't that different from a lot of us moms out there. And, it sucks. It sucks for all of us.
I had no idea so many parents had lost children until we lost Hannah. Then, suddenly, people were coming out of the woodwork. It's not something anyone talks about--it makes people SO uncomfortable, and who wants to be the person who does that? And, don't even get me started on answering that fantabulous question, "How many children do you have?" GAH! How I hate that one!--but once you join this godawful club, you realize there are far more of us than you could ever imagine.
I'm so sorry you have to be "different" with us. This is not something I would ever wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. It's excruciating and confusing and hard and weird and and and...yeah. I don't have to spell it out, you know.
I know you know this, but it bears mentioning anyhow, do whatever feels right and best for your family and don't worry about what anyone else thinks. You and Tim and your sweet girl are the only ones who matter when it comes to your choices this Christmas.
My prayers for you and your family continue.
Many hugs,
Rach - December 15, 2011 at 11:15 AM
- Leah C said...
It's not right...It's not normal...It's not fair. Oh Anna, I am so sorry.
Reading this post of yours, so eloquently written, I couldn't help but think "she sounds so much like me". Except I haven't lost a child. I don't know that kind of horrible, unbearable grief; but I have known grief. How it does make you feel "alien" & alone. But, you are not alone.
And I wish, oh how I wish, I could "undo" it all...so you & Tim & Margaret could have Jack back. So that you could be spared going through the unimaginable, the unthinkable, this holiday season(or any season).
Wishing you peace & comfort and, as always, prayers for you and your family... - December 15, 2011 at 11:46 AM
- Unknown said...
'Normal' is just a setting on your dryer.
- December 15, 2011 at 1:05 PM
- Meredith from A Mother Seeking said...
Wow... I completely understand why you feel like an alien in this world... You are certainly forever changed and different for your experience. I can't relate to your circumstances specifically, but I know that when my dad was near death and after my dads death, when I would enter out into the bigger world, I felt like an outsider... I wanted to scream, "Stop it everyone. Don't act normal. Don't you know my dad is going to die way too young?" or "Why do you act like life is as usual when I have a dead dad?" I get it.
Wishing you love and peace.
Meredith - December 15, 2011 at 3:33 PM
Anna know and trust that you are never alone. You are loved and believe me when I say that your Son shines the light of love down on you every second of every day.
Love and blessings to your and yours this day and every day.
(((HUGS))) - December 15, 2011 at 7:05 PM
- Heidi said...
'Stricken' I understand. Not in the same way as you, but I understand feeling marked, changed in a way that you don't want, didn't ask for, never thought would belong to you. I feel for you so much. So, so much. All my love to you and your family, especially now.
- December 15, 2011 at 7:09 PM
- the mama bird diaries said...
I wish I could change everything for you. You are in my prayers every night. xo
- December 15, 2011 at 7:27 PM
- Sandy said...
I began reading your blog 2 days before your tragic loss and many nights I have sat and read your posts with tears pouring for you and prayers going out. Seventeen years ago, Christmas day, I lost my first son at 6-1/2 months gestation. I would lose my next two sons in 1996 and 1999 to stillbirth. Tonight my 9 year old son, born in 2002, prayed for dinner asking God to wish his 3 big brothers a "Merry Christmas". Seeing your child grieve for what they cannot have is such a helpless feeling.
I am so sad for Margaret and pray that she find rest in the Lord.
The "alien" feeling I total get and for me it was a long hard road to a place of even feeling something. Functioning at this point is something. Grief counseling can be such a blessing and I pray that you can find someone that can help you all through the loss of this beautiful young man, your son, Jack. From one grieving Mama to another, much love. - December 15, 2011 at 7:55 PM
- Loukia said...
No, it's not the way it should be. It is every mom's worst nightmare, Anna. I am so very dreadfully sorry. He'll always be in you, with you, and in all our thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you, always.
- December 15, 2011 at 8:17 PM
- Peg said...
Oh I know this feeling all too well. I'm the mom who's sister and brother-in-law died and who's two nieces live with her. If I feel so different and awful I constantly assume others must see me differently. Some friends has moved on...unsure about how to be with me. Thank goodness many have hung around.
what is strange is that I want to feel like my old self, but somehow that feels like a terrible betrayal to my sister.
I am so sorry for your loss. - December 15, 2011 at 8:31 PM
I don't know what to say to ease your sadness. But your words are powerful and always move me deeply. Praying for you all.
Love Mandy - December 16, 2011 at 7:10 AM
Thank you for the beautiful post. I am so sorry for your pain and loss, but bless you for your amazing courage and honesty.
- December 16, 2011 at 7:31 AM
Anna, I continue to pray for you and your family. Your honest and expressive writing is your gift and will help get you through the rest of this new life you didn't sign up for.
I'm sure many folks have already told you, and surely you're not ready to contemplate it now, but when the time comes, I would encourage you to make a book of your posts about loosing Jack. Your experience so beautifully recorded would be so helpful to other parents who grieve and their loved ones who want to support them appropriately.
Love and prayers,
Jenn - December 16, 2011 at 9:59 AM
Your Anna-ness is what made me love you in the first place, because I knew that you were a kindred spirit (plus, you and I could be twinsies in our junior high pictures, ugh). And although you have added an unwanted descriptor to your list of traits (Grieving Parent), I believe nothing can take away your fundamental Anna-ness. You will always be dear Anna, Tim will always be a gentle soul, and Margaret will always be a super star.
But I know what you are saying. As I try to process this, I'm realizing that it's no wonder that you feel like a target of some sort. The covert glances that probably follow you when you are out and about, or those awkward moments in conversations with people who don't know what to say to you are, I think, the marks of fear. It's different now. YOU are different now, and it is scary to the rest of us. It's not that we fear you, but we fear what you are going through.
You and your family are experiencing something that is everyone's worst nightmare, yet here you still are, buying groceries, picking up Margaret from school, standing in line at the post office; how is this possible? What do we say to you? You are now in the midst of gaining a deeper understanding of one of life's great mysteries—a truly profound distinction, one that must be affecting every fiber of your mind, body and soul at all times—but on the surface you still have so much in common with the rest of us. We see you buying those groceries and running other errands and wonder how WE would be able to do those things, knowing what you know. I think our fear of experiencing the death and loss of a loved one is then compounded by social faux-pas fear too—we worry that we may upset you by bringing up Jack or that we may offend you by not bringing up Jack. I think it makes us not know what to say or do when we see you at the grocery store or at the school or wherever.
I think it must be especially worse for the people who know OF you, but don't know you from your blog, where you pour your heart out. Knowing you from here makes ME less scared. That's one of the reasons I think that your continued writing is so important. It's helping. It's not only helping you, maybe, but it's helping us to know how to conduct ourselves with you and others like you who are now "different." This is not to say that it's your responsibility to make your new status of Grieving Parent status be easier on the rest of us—not even. But I think it's unintentionally having that effect. It's helping me figure things out (however naively or rudimentarily), and it's helping me to see that if I should ever have to bear a similar weight, that I remember to conduct myself with the grace, dignity and strength that all of your amazing Anna-ness is providing you.
Much love to you, Tim and Margaret.
jbhat - December 16, 2011 at 10:20 AM
That picture is the girl that I remember from Thoreau days! The smart and witty girl who helped me survive 8th grade English with Mrs. Campbell! Another former Thoreau-er led me to your blog after Jack's accident. Although we went our separate ways for high school and beyond, I have always remembered the fun we had at Thoreau in spite of the braces, feathered hair and trying to "fit in". As a mother of two girls (almost 14 and 9) and a boy who is almost 12, my heart aches for you. You have been in my prayers since I got the news. Your strength, faith, and humor have brought me to tears many times. I have hesitated to comment as I felt like I was a distant "stalker" or something, but have so wanted you to know that you are and will continue to be in my prayers.
Allyson in Alabama - December 16, 2011 at 12:18 PM
- OSMA said...
Even though I don't fully understand why, I am changed through what has happened to you and your family. I don't just stop to think of you when things are going wrong. I stop to think of you when things are going right and my head spins with the realization that your family does not get to have that lightness now. I pray it will again but I know it is heavy and incomplete like someone removed your torso and yet you are still somehow expected to breathe. I too wish I had magical words to make this easier for you. I hope in some way you get to feel us out here pulling you toward a life that isn't the one you ever wanted or imagined but will be beautifully lit from above.
- December 16, 2011 at 7:22 PM
- Vodka Mom said...
oh Anna. I am holding your hand and nodding my head.
But this voice of yours is incredible, and we are learning, loving and mourning right along your side.
xx - December 16, 2011 at 7:37 PM
So sorry, Anna! I think of you often and of how hard it must be for you to live without your precious Jack. I am so sorry you are having to endure such pain! I am praying for you that the Lord may comfort you in the midst of this great difficulty you live every day.
Your cousin Emily R - December 16, 2011 at 9:35 PM
- Alexandra said...
It's what no one imagines.
EVER. - December 16, 2011 at 9:37 PM
- Jenn @ Juggling Life said...
It's not only what we don't imagine, it's what our minds will not even allow us to imagine because the thought is so very horrifying. I am so sorry this is your reality.
- December 17, 2011 at 3:28 PM
- Just Two Chicks said...
This is truly a horrible tragedy to live through, but thank God you all have each other.
Your family is beautiful... it will always be beautiful. Your son's beauty will shine through everything he loved (Most importantly, his mom, sister, and dad.), meaning he will never truly be gone.
You're right, you are different, your daughter, and husband are different, but that doesn't have to define you... or maybe it does define you, but in positive ways, like Jack's Lanterns. What a wonderful idea, and continuing tribute! I'd love to participate!
Thank you... - December 17, 2011 at 3:49 PM
My heart aches for you, Anna. I pray that you can continue to be strong for yourself, your daughter, and your husband. In my extended family, we have experienced several losses of children throughout the years, and somehow my aunts, uncles, and cousins have endured the pain, though they were changed forever. They almost seem closer to heaven than the rest of us.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am a follower of Momastery. During the time of Jack's accident, we were away adopting our son. A blessing on Earth during a tragedy on Earth. It boggled my mind and left me speechless. From your writing, I can tell you are a very special, loving, and wonderful person who is capable of so, so much. Jack was so lucky to have you as his mother, even if for such a short time here on Earth. However, your bond is forever, and that can never die. Your faith, family and friends will keep you going...I believe that 100% Love and prayers, Stacy - December 17, 2011 at 5:11 PM
- anymommy said...
No. No one imagines this. I don't know if I will say this right, but I found you different before this tragedy. I felt your peace and your light and your kindness and it was unusual. I still see it all through the pain, which I wish every day I could take away.
- December 17, 2011 at 9:47 PM
- Christen said...
I have to echo AnyMommy's comment. It is exactly how I feel.
Anna, you are in my prayers constantly. What you are going through is unimaginable. Please know that we all are sending out love and prayers - December 18, 2011 at 9:53 AM
- Unknown said...
I am so sad for how separate you, and Tim and Margaret, must feel. The world must seem raw and unnatural right now. I will be praying extra prayers as we round the corner into Christmas and the New Year. Praying that you are each daily touched by the presence of Christ.
- December 18, 2011 at 4:56 PM
- Scary Mommy said...
You are anything but normal. Your words, your grace, your way of dealing with the worst tragedy imaginable... Inspiring? Heroic? Beautiful, inside and out? Yes. Normal, never.
- December 19, 2011 at 2:37 AM
I am a complete stranger, having found you through Fancy Feet, which I came across totally by chance. I check your blog every day, I think of you and your family at the slightest thing. I would say that you aren't normal; nor was Jack, nor Margaret, nor Tim. You are ALL special, and will always be special. xxxxxx
- December 19, 2011 at 5:22 AM
- bonzo said...
Thinking of you and aching for you and blown away by you all the time. Thank you for your words; thank you for allowing us to walk (stumble) along beside you.
Wringing out every ounce of love I have in me and sending it straight to you.
bonzo - December 19, 2011 at 7:59 AM
- Laura at Ms. Smartie Pants said...
I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and can only imagine the difficulty of this week. Praying you feel his arms wrapped around your family!
- December 19, 2011 at 8:32 AM
- Clare said...
No one would ever imagine this life, not for anyone. Thinking of you every day even as the days go on. I saw this and thought of you. This photo was taken (not by me)exactly one week after Jack's accident http://www.wjla.com/pictures/2011/12/weather-photos-from-2011/sunset-in-arlington-14015-990.html
- December 22, 2011 at 5:19 AM
- Meg McCormick said...
My dad died when I was 14. He was sick for the better part of my 9th grade year and died by May. I lived in a small town; EVERYONE knew me to begin with, knew I was Larry and Rosie's daughter. But after he died, I became - for a time - that poor Meg, whose dad died. I totally understand feeling like an alien.
I will pray for you as you continue to process the unfathomable loss of your dear sweet boy. - March 12, 2012 at 7:36 AM


text:
Watch These Babies Scaring Babies (and Themselves) — Daily Distraction
[onescreen item="5116400"]
Have you ever seen a baby? Did it scare you?
Probably not, because babies, generally, aren't very scary. Unless, of course, you're also a baby. Then they can be downright terrifying.
The Daily Distraction is your Internet break from reality. Whether you're eating lunch at your desk or avoiding high school exes on Facebook, you might just laugh, say "aaahhh" or not believe what you just watched.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Monday, June 9, 2008
I Spy
38 comments:
Did you find anything exciting on the memory card? Was the watch still keeping time? Just wondering!
Sandy, HE, Illinois - June 9, 2008 at 12:43 PM
- Suburban Correspondent said...
Yes, it's like a treasure trove in there. The kids actually think it's fun to look for the things stuck between the frame and the cushions.
They're easily amused, obviously. - June 9, 2008 at 12:53 PM
That is soooo funny Dawn. I recently did the same thing and found lots of stuff after cutting the bottom of the couch. I also found a watch I was missing for like, four years!!!
- June 9, 2008 at 1:23 PM
- Unknown said...
Yeah!! I remember when you lost your memory card (or rather, when you were looking for it!) Unless that was another one. So happy that you found it. We are (mostly me, I guess) currently on the hunt in our house for the Leapster table flappy door, a digital Littlest Pet Shop pet, and Strawberry Shortcake's friend's hat and scarf. My husband found his keys that had been lost since early last fall just last week - so that was exciting. And I just found my church nursery ID tag. I hate losing things- but it sure feels good to find them! Congratulations on your finds!
- June 9, 2008 at 1:24 PM
- Unknown said...
Oops, wait- I just reread your post- I guess you weren't blogging years ago when you had lost that memory card- sorry- and I just started reading your blog during the infamous Pokeman eBay auction. I will be sure to read more carefully from now on.....
- June 9, 2008 at 1:27 PM
- Dawn said...
I'm embarrassed to admit that this was the first of two memory cards that I've lost. You were right, I recently wrote about losing the second one. - June 9, 2008 at 1:38 PM
- natalie said...
Reading your blog actually makes me want to have loads of kids - you are one awesome mum and I hope that one day I can be as fun and great as you are :)
- June 9, 2008 at 2:06 PM
- Irishmama said...
Hell yeah, I'm running home right now to cut open all the couches, I bet my 'missing' list will have a lot less items after.
- June 9, 2008 at 2:06 PM
My elsest brother (Mr. Military) came to visit me in Florida while stationed in Tampa for Desert Storm. I had a new sofa...new as in "brand spanking new" sofa! I was in my 20's and this was my first big purchase. My brother dropped his worry coin (something from Vietnam) down into the crack and then proceeded to rip my sofa apart until he finally found it. I was in shock as he stapled the sofa back together like new. I sat down and had a beer....he had single-handedly prepped me to be the mother of two. I can't imagine now stressing over such an event...now it seems more like an adventure! So ist das!
- June 9, 2008 at 2:25 PM
- Lisa Bohler said...
Dawn! Only you may understand my excitement when on a Saturday night, I pulled my earring out of our couch that I lost 6 years ago! We do not have removable cushions on this furniture (my dh bought the leather set before we met). I knew that my aquamarine earring had to either have been vacuumed or possibly stuck in my couch. I used to take them or any pair of earrings off as my mother does...when I tire of wearing them. I used to put them on the arm of the sofa.
I often will sit and visit with my husband and dig my arm into the depths of my couch in hopes of retrieving the lost (I also buy lottery tickets on occasion...someone has to win right?) Anyway, I usually pull up potato chip crumbs, fingernail clippings and other crusty items that can no longer be identified. You can only imagine my delighted surprise that after six years of treasure hunting, I actually found my earring! I wore the pair proudly to church on Sunday and dutifully put them back into my jewelry case when I was done wearing them. Now, if only I could do the same at the community swimming pool and pull out the diamond earring that I lost while swimming there....
Thanks for letting me share! - June 9, 2008 at 2:39 PM
more pokemon cards for ebay!!!
Franzi - June 9, 2008 at 3:20 PM
LOL That's so funny. I'm glad you found the watch and the memory card. I'm sure the kids will love to see the things you've discovered, too. It seems when they've lost toys for a certain amount of time, when found again, it's like they're new!
- June 9, 2008 at 3:39 PM
I'm ashamed to admit, but I'm excited that I am number 1 to comment today!!!! I couldn't resist making another comment to celebrate.
Sandy, HE, Illinois - June 9, 2008 at 3:42 PM
- Brenda said...
My youngest found 5 remotes in the cushions of my husband's recliner lst night.
- June 9, 2008 at 3:54 PM
- kimm375 said...
That's so funny. My friend says that men and women "look" differently. For example, my husband totaled his car a couple years ago and I went to clean our junk out of it. I found his passport under the drivers seat that had been missing for months and had since been replaced. He of course had looked in the car for it- but he "guy looked". You know what I mean.
- June 9, 2008 at 4:03 PM
- Supplanter64 said...
I always like finding $5 in my coat pocket in the fall!
- June 9, 2008 at 4:30 PM
- Shari said...
LOL--looks like my couch which we just cleaned last night! What a coincidence. However, the couch is still in my house. Not on the curb! Hope the new couch doesn't eat anything special like the old one did! Happy days!
- June 9, 2008 at 5:13 PM
- Elizabeth said...
I love the couch cushion treasure hunt. I guess it should be a regular feature of my cleaning "schedule" (ha) but it's only when I get really grossed out by the crumbs under there that I have to go digging so I can vacuum out! Blessings, EJT - June 9, 2008 at 5:40 PM
Is it just me, or do Cootie tongues look different than they did when I was a kid? I remember them being a curlique (and I think we have one in the box that our "Don't Break the Ice" game is supposed to be stored in...don't even want to KNOW what's in my couch!)
~Laura - June 9, 2008 at 7:09 PM
Oh, I forgot to add: I think you mentioned you got the IKEA Ektorp couch with the slipcovers? We have that one as well (although I got the cream-colored corduroy covers--what was I thinking???), and as long as you always keep the slipcover on it (while it's not being washed for the millionth time, of course), the farthest "treasures" can go is under the cushions. Saves us a lot of hunting!
~Laura - June 9, 2008 at 7:23 PM
When I was pregnant with our now 4-year old, I took off my wedding rings while lying on the couch watching a movie. (My hands had swollen). I put them in my shorts pocket, and lost the wedding band somewhere between the opening music and the ending credits of the movie. We turned the couch this way and that, but no luck. Of course, it has a sofabed inside, so there are tons of places for that ring to lodge.
Last winter, when we moved, we told the mover-guy to be on the lookout for a wedding ring. He promptly turned the couch on its side, UNVELCROED the bottom fabric (aren't these couch-makers smart!), and handed me my ring. I felt so stupid! - June 9, 2008 at 7:36 PM
- The Mom said...
My son was watching the computer screen when I pulled up your blog. He saw the I Spy and said he wanted to play. He was able to find everything. Thanks for a fun game!
- June 9, 2008 at 7:40 PM
Way to funny. We just did this with our "new" couch (it was actually 10 years old!) to get a leather couch from IKEA (cleans a lot easier). We also had many 'treasures" discovered that day. Nothing with real value like your watch, but now our 30+ Barbies have found the matching shoe to many a pair.
I also wanted to send you this link to a product I stumbled across called MomSpit. I thought is would look great next to the 'butt polish' you already have. We bought some for the name alone even though my daughters are old enough to clean themselves now.
http://momspit.com/ I think they should have more realistic scents like "Coffee Breath".
Lisa B. in Ann Arbor MI
I hope you stop here for the book tour!!!!!!! - June 9, 2008 at 7:56 PM
I am just looking forward to the day when I find something other than a dried up cheerio in my couch.
- June 9, 2008 at 8:33 PM
- Kyddryn said...
Much as I loathe the big, ugly, horrible, uncomfortable, over priced, uncleanable BEIGE recliners my roommate decided I would love replacing the happy, small, comfortable, low profile, washable, BLUE recliners that my (then four) son and I adored (so they were a little old and worn and were iffy on the recline feature, so what?)...I must say they have ONE nifty feature - the fabric flaps on the back are velcroed on, so they are easy to search for lost items. Wouldn't it be nice if all the furniture manufacturers did that??
Shade and Sweetwater,
K - June 9, 2008 at 10:36 PM
- Debbie @ Three Weddings said...
So it's been a long day. How do I know. When I read memory card I was thinking of a card game where your turn over matching cards. I couldn't figure out why you would be excited about finding that.
I think I need to go to bed. - June 9, 2008 at 10:51 PM
Love that fact that you didn't even include the cheerios and popcorn. ;) Off to slit my couch slip cover.
- June 9, 2008 at 11:02 PM
- Michelle said...
Too funny! I need to figure out exactly where you cut, as I have a few items that I just *know* are in the couches somewhere. That includes all but one Hungry, Hungry Hippo marble which renders the game useless of course!
- June 9, 2008 at 11:14 PM
- Cami said...
- June 10, 2008 at 12:15 AM
- Jillie Bean (AKA Bubba's Sis) said...
Found a remote control to the TV that way once!
- June 10, 2008 at 12:30 AM
- mamatwoboys said...
Wow! What a haul! And to think it almost went to the dump? Good save!
- June 10, 2008 at 12:32 AM
- my3boys said...
I cut the fabric under the cushions once to find a crochet hook. I found a bunch of other stuff, and now that I think of it, I never did find the hook. Oh well. How does that stuff get in there anyway?
- June 10, 2008 at 1:27 AM
- Rick said...
Why do they put that fabric under the couches and make it hard for people to get to their stuff?
Someone should make a couch with a funnel system underneath that collects all that stuff we lose in a little can so that you can get it back. (Boy, with ideas like that, I'm going to make millions someday.)
http://www.organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/ - June 10, 2008 at 7:17 AM
- Sheila said...
I'm always finding playing cards under cushions and under couches.
Usually right after I have thrown out the other 48 of that deck, claiming that we'll never have a complete deck anyway. It's very frustrating!
Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today! - June 10, 2008 at 8:24 AM
- Marni's Organized Mess said...
How awesome!!
- June 10, 2008 at 5:25 PM
I think the watch I lost years ago mysteriously appeared in the bottom recesses of your couch. Seriously, that looks like my most favorite ever ever ever long lost Fossil watch that I am sure my kids "accidentally" either flushed down the toilet or knocked off in the bathroom trash can. Do you have all of our socks, too?
- June 11, 2008 at 10:53 AM
- oklhdan said...
A cute story you might relate to.. An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell
from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was
well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?' - June 11, 2008 at 4:22 PM
- Mary KD said...
My Mom and Dad had given my brother one of their old couches after he got married. Eventually my brother got tired of the springs sticking him in the back and got rid of it. Before he did he cut the bottom open and found a whole quilt that had worked its way in there. He found a whole bunch of other stuff too, but the quilt... i just couldn't figure out how that got in there.
- June 12, 2008 at 5:14 PM


text:
Not long after I started food blogging I came across the concept of artichokes. They looked pretty interesting and I wanted to try them but it seemed that I had missed them. Not too long ago I was in the grocery store when I saw some and I picked them up right away. I had bookmarked several artichoke recipes and the one that most interested me was the grilled artichokes with lemon aioli by Proud Italian Cook . I was not too sure which bits you were supposed to eat and which you were not supposed to eat but I stumbled through it. Artichokes require a bit of prep work. First, the outer leaves can be prickly so you want to trim them with scissors. The fuzzy centers and scratchy leaves near the center are also removed. The "heart" of the artichoke is then cooked. The base of the leaves is eaten along with the part that the leaves are attached to. Although it was a bit of work to cleanup/prep the artichokes it was a fun experience and the results were worth it. I enjoyed the artichokes and look forward to using them again.
Grilled Artichokes with Lemon Aioli
- * artichokes
- 1 lemon (juice)
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
- 1 clove garlic (chopped)
- salt and pepper to taste
- Cut the top off of the artichoke.
- Trim the outer leaves with scissors.
- Cut the artichokes into quarters.
- Remove the fuzzy centers and scratchy leaves.
- Soak in lemon water until ready to cook.
- Cook in a pot of salted water until tender.
- Drain and squeeze out the excess water.
- Toss the artichokes with the olive oil, balsamic vinegar, garlic, salt and pepper.
- Grill the artichokes until golden brown.
Lemon Aioli
- 1/2 cup mayonnaise
- 1 clove garlic (chopped)
- 1 lemon (juice and zest)
- salt and pepper to taste
- Mix everything.


text:
This is the Peter Pan collar variation of the bow-tied blouse from Vogue's New Book for Better Sewing. It wasn't included in the book as a bonus project, but I thought it was so cute that I had to make it. The fabric is a wool and angora blend jersey from B&J, and it's so soft and cuddly. I don't especially love working with knits, but you just can't deny how comfy they are. Perfect for winter days in the office!
I rocked the bound buttonholes once again, using the strip method, which has become my tried and true technique. The blouse bunches a bit above my waistband, and I'm not really sure what to do about that.
Anyway, I continue to be in love with this pattern. I just adore both versions, and you'll defintiely be seeing each of them again!


text:
Kobold Press delivers high-quality, playtested materials for all aspects of play, from design time to game time! The kobolds have been in business since 2006, and in that time have won numerous Origins Awards and even more numerous ENnie Awards for their outstanding adventures, sourcebooks, and design guides.
Kobold Press is also the home of the Midgard Campaign Setting, a dark world of deep magic that has grown and expanded via open calls and public projects. Take a look at the Kobold Press blog for more information.
The kobolds remain a small but fierce force for excellence in RPGs.


text:
LAS VEGAS (AP) — Dismayed that family members are spread out over the house, each with a separate PC or tablet? Lenovo has something it believes will get them back together: a PC the size of a coffee table that works like a gigantic tablet and lets four people use it at once.
Lenovo Group Ltd., one of the world's largest PC makers, is calling the IdeaCentre Horizon Table PC the first "interpersonal computer" — as opposed to a "personal computer."
At first glance, it looks like a regular all-in-one machine in the vein of the iMac: It's a 27-inch screen with the innards of a Windows 8 computer built into it, and it can stand up on a table.
But you can pick it up off the table, unhook the power cord and lay it flat for games of "Monopoly." It's big enough to fit four people around it, and the screen can respond to ten fingers touching it at the same time.
As a tablet, it's a monstrosity. The screen is the size of eight iPads stitched together, and it weighs 15 pounds. It's almost as homebound as a flat-panel TV.
The Table PC will include plastic "strikers" for "Air Hockey," and joysticks that attach to the screen for other games, including multiplayer shooter "Raiding Company."
Lenovo, a Chinese company that owns IBM Corp.'s former PC business, said the Table PC will go on sale this summer starting at $1,699. It's being unveiled this week at the International CES gadget show in Las Vegas.
Microsoft Corp. pioneered the idea of a table PC with the Surface, a PC with a 30-inch touch-sensitive screen released in 2008. It was designed for store displays and other commercial applications. The concept is now called PixelSense, as Microsoft started using the "Surface" name for an unrelated tablet computer last year.
More recently, Sony Corp. released the Tap 20, an all-in-one PC that can also be laid flat. But it's smaller than the Lenovo model, at 20 inches diagonally, and doesn't have as much table-oriented software as the Table PC.
Lenovo to release giant 27-inch coffee table PC


text:
Samsung Galaxy s23Plus
Get Samsung Galaxy s23 in West Grove
AT\&T 5G requires a compatible device and plan. 5G may not be available in your area.
Make every day epic with the new Samsung Galaxy S23. Seize the moment with the crystal-clear 50 MP camera with advanced Nightography. Galaxy S23 is made with eco-friendly and sustainable materials while featuring powerful processing performance, automatic adaptive 6.1-inch display, and battery power to keep you going!


text:
Human Papillomavirus (HPV) Test
Test Overview
A human papillomavirus (HPV) test is done to check for a high-risk HPV infection in women. HPV is a sexually transmitted infection (STI). An HPV test checks for the genetic material (DNA) of the human papillomavirus. Like a Pap test, an HPV test is done on a sample of cells collected from the cervix.
There are many types of HPV. Some types cause warts that you can see or feel. Other types do not cause any symptoms. Most people do not know they have an HPV infection.
This test will show whether a high-risk type of HPV is present. In women, high-risk types of HPV (such as types 16, 18, 31, and 45) cause changes in the cells of the cervix that can be seen as abnormal changes on a Pap test. Abnormal cervical cell changes may resolve on their own without treatment. But some untreated cervical cell changes can progress to serious abnormalities and may lead to cervical cancer over time if they are not treated.
To learn more about treatment of abnormal cervical cell changes seen on a Pap test, see the topic Abnormal Pap Test.
Although HPV is found in both men and women, this test is not used on men. The HPV test is used to detect only high-risk types of HPV. Your doctor may diagnose genital warts that are seen during a physical exam. This test is not used to diagnose genital warts caused by low-risk types of HPV.
Why It Is Done
An HPV test is done to:
- Check for high-risk types of human papillomavirus (HPV) in women who had a Pap test that showed abnormal cervical cells called atypical squamous cells (ASC). An HPV test can help look for one or more high-risk types of HPV. If an HPV test shows that high-risk types of HPV are present, further testing, such as a colposcopy or cervical biopsy, may be recommended.
- Check for high-risk HPV after treatment for abnormal cervical cells.
A Pap test or an HPV test can be used to screen for cervical cancer. An HPV test may be done at the same time as a Pap test or by itself. The results of an HPV test can help doctors decide if further tests or treatments are needed.
How To Prepare
Before an HPV test, do not douche, use tampons, or use vaginal medicines for at least 48 hours.
You will be asked to empty your bladder just before the test, both for your own comfort and to help with the exam.
Talk to your doctor about any concerns you have regarding the need for the test, its risks, how it will be done, or what the results will mean. To help you understand the importance of this test, fill out the medical test information form( What is a PDF document? ).
How It Is Done
An HPV test can be done in a doctor's office or clinic by:
- A gynecologist.
- An internist.
- A family medicine physician.
- A urologist.
- A physician assistant (PA).
- A nurse practitioner.
For this test, you need to remove your clothes below the waist and drape a paper or cloth covering around your waist. You will then lie on your back on an examination table with your feet raised and supported by stirrups. This allows your doctor to examine your vagina and genital area.
Your health professional will insert an instrument called a speculum into your vagina. The speculum gently spreads apart the vaginal walls, allowing the inside of the vagina and the cervix to be examined.
Your health professional will then use a cotton swab or a small brush to collect several samples of cells from the cervix. Cells are collected from the visible part of the cervix as well as cells from inside the opening of the cervix (endocervical canal). The samples are then placed in collection tubes and sent to a laboratory for analysis.
An HPV test can also be done on a cell sample taken during your Pap test if a technique called a liquid-based Pap test was used. For a liquid-based Pap test, cells are collected by rotating a plastic brush on the cervix. The samples are then placed in a jar of solution and sent to a lab for examination. If you have this type of Pap test and it shows abnormal cells, an HPV test may be done later on the same sample.
How It Feels
You may feel some discomfort when the speculum is inserted, especially if your vagina is irritated and tender or if it is narrow. You may also feel pulling or pressure when the sample of cervical cells is being collected.
There is very little chance of a problem from an HPV test. You may worry or feel frightened if you need more testing.
After the procedure
- You may have a small amount of vaginal bleeding or gray-green discharge after this test, and you may want to use a panty liner to protect your clothes from any spotting.
- Do not have sex until your doctor tells you it is safe to do so.
A human papillomavirus (HPV) test is done to check for a high-risk HPV infection in women. HPV test results are generally available in 1 to 2 weeks.
Normal: |
High-risk HPV is not found. |
Abnormal: |
High-risk HPV is found. If high-risk HPV is found, you may have a higher chance of having precancerous cervical cell changes. Further testing—including repeat Pap or HPV tests, colposcopy, or cervical biopsy—may be recommended by your doctor, depending on your medical history and the results of this test. |
A positive HPV test does not mean that you have cervical cancer. It may mean that you are infected with one or more high-risk types of HPV, which increases your chance of having precancerous cervical cell changes. Your doctor may recommend repeat testing or further testing, such as a colposcopy and cervical biopsy, to find out whether precancerous changes are present.
What Affects the Test
Reasons you may not be able to have the test or why the results may not be helpful include:
- The use of douches, tampons, and vaginal creams or vaginal medicines within 48 hours before the test.
- A cervical cell sample that is too small.
- Your Pap test shows abnormal cells that are already known to be caused by a high-risk type of HPV.
What To Think About
- A human papillomavirus (HPV) test is not routinely used to diagnose genital warts. It is usually done to find out whether an abnormal Pap test result may be caused by one or more high-risk types of HPV.
- An HPV test is done only for women. Currently, an HPV test for men is done only in a research setting.
- Depending on your age, you may be able to get the series of HPV shots. There are many types of HPV. Some types of the virus can cause genital warts. Other types can cause cervical or oral cancer and some uncommon cancers, such as vaginal and anal cancer. The HPV vaccine protects against the most common HPV types that can cause serious problems. To learn more, see the topic Immunizations.
Other Works Consulted
- American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (2005, reaffirmed 2009). Human papillomavirus. ACOG Practice Bulletin No. 61. Obstetrics and Gynecology, 105(4): 905–918.
- Chernecky CC, Berger BJ (2008). Laboratory Tests and Diagnostic Procedures, 5th ed. St. Louis: Saunders.
- Pagana KD, Pagana TJ (2010). Mosby's Manual of Diagnostic and Laboratory Tests, 4th ed. St. Louis: Mosby Elsevier.
Current as of: September 11, 2018
Author: Healthwise Staff
Medical Review:Sarah Marshall MD – Family Medicine & Kathleen Romito MD – Family Medicine & Adam Husney MD – Family Medicine & Kevin C. Kiley MD – Obstetrics and Gynecology
This information does not replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise, Incorporated, disclaims any warranty or liability for your use of this information. Your use of this information means that you agree to the Terms of Use. Learn how we develop our content.


text:
SGS provides a full outturn quality (FOQ) guarantee service that covers differences in quality detected between the loading and discharge of a cargo.
Outturn quality guarantees ensure that the quality of your transported goods remains within determined contractual parameters at discharge. The result is twofold. Firstly, our FOQ ensures that the variables inherent to sampling and testing methods are avoided. Secondly, the FOQ means that we assume responsibility for quality discrepancies between loading and discharge under specific agreed terms.
In both ways, our quality guarantee minimizes your trade risks and eliminates your exposure to claims and financial losses.
Other guarantee services:
- Comprehensive Cover
- Full Outturn Guarantee (FOG)
- Rejection Guarantee
- Seller's Interest / Contingency Insurance
To find out about these services – and learn how our FOQ covers you for quality discrepancies detected between loading and discharge – contact SGS now.
Related Links
All India business enquiries helpline
Local site contact number
SGS House,
4B, Adi Shankaracharya Marg, Vikhroli (West),
Mumbai, Maharashtra, 400 083,


text:
The unique milky aqua color of these J-hoop earrings will beautifully accent many other colors within your wardrobe. Thirty-four 5mm aquamarine beads provide the alluring color that is sure to be admired. Measuring 1.5" in length, this pretty pair is crafted in sterling silver and has butterfly safety catches to easily snuggle them to your lobes. These Jewels by Jorge Pérez beauties will become everyday favorites - you can wear them with casual or more formal attire. They're that versatile!
Designed for those with an appreciation for fashion and style, this collection showcases Jorge Pérez's artistic talent for creating colorful and unique designs that are infused with his vibrant Cuban heritage.
All weights pertaining to gemstones, including diamonds, are minimum weights. Additionally, please note that many gemstones are treated to enhance their beauty. View Gemstone Enhancements and Special Care Requirements for important information.
Sterling silver, also called fine silver, is a beautifully lustrous cool-toned precious metal favored in fine jewelry among other products. The most reflective of all metals (excluding mercury), sterling silver looks stunning by itself and brings out the best hues in an array of colorful gemstones.
Sterling silver can be polished to a higher sheen than platinum. In fact, Ag, the chemical symbol for silver, comes from a word that means "white and shining." The surface of silver can boast that shiny, polished appearance, or can be brushed, satin, matte, sandblasted, antiqued or oxidized (chemically blackened).
In order to be called sterling silver, a metal must be made up of a minimum of 92.5% pure silver and 7.5% alloy (meaning other metals), including but not limited to copper and nickel. The alloy is added to pure silver to make the metal more durable, tougher and harder. Sterling silver is designated a fineness of "925." Pieces with sterling silver may be marked "sterling."
Finishes on Sterling Silver
Finishing, or plating, is a common treatment with sterling silver. Popular types of plating are rhodium plating, gold plating and anti-tarnish plating. Plating is used to extend the life and sheen of the jewelry. After sizing or buffing a piece of jewelry with a machine, it must be re-plated to restore the finish.
Caring for Sterling Silver
Sterling silver becomes tarnished as the result of a natural chemical process that occurs when sterling silver is exposed to chemicals in the air, rubber, wool and latex. Humidity also plays a role in accelerating tarnishing. It's easy to keep your sterling silver sparkling, though, by taking a few steps to prevent tarnish and other wear and tear.
Aquamarine's name was derived from the Latin terms "aqua" meaning water and "mare" for sea. According to legend, aquamarine was the treasure of mermaids and held the power to keep sailors safe at sea. Sailors carried it to stay in the good graces of Poseidon and ward off seasickness. Other folklore says that aquamarine was the stone of the sea-goddesses and sirens. Sea goddesses were said to cleanse the stone in the ocean water at night by the light of the full moon. Beads of aquamarine are even found in ancient Egyptian mummy tombs, used as a tribute to the gods of the netherworld for safe passage.
From the lightest sky-blue to the deepest sea blue, aquamarines are found in an exceptionally beautiful spectrum of blue hues. With its clear brilliance, deeper colors are unusual in smaller sizes since it generally takes a larger stone to hold a darker shade. The most prized aquamarines are those displaying a deep, intense, pure blue with no green tints. These are more rare and therefore more valuable. Unlike its emerald sister, aquamarine is known for being relatively free of inclusions with evenly distributed color. It retains excellent clarity, which is why aquamarines are frequently cut with large step facets to show off their flawless surfaces, immaculate transparency and high brilliance.
The different shades of aquamarine are distinguished by their names. "Santa Maria" is the name for the rare, intensely deep blue aquamarines found in the Santa Maria de Itabira Mine in Brazil. Similar colors are found in some of the sparse aquamarine gemstone mines in Africa, especially in Mozambique. In order to better distinguish them, these aquamarines are denoted as "Santa Maria Africana." Not quite as deeply blue are "Espirito Santo" aquamarines from the Brazilian state of Espirito Santo. Another beautiful color has been named in honor of a Brazilian beauty queen from 1954, and has become famous as "Martha Rocha."
Aquamarine is thought to possess a number of mystical properties , with powers that allegedly develop best if the stone is immersed in sun-drenched water. It is a stone of peace, joy and happiness, especially in the renewing of relationships. Its pale blue color arises sympathy, trust and harmony, all feelings that soothe and calm emotional fires or problems. The gem is said to re-awaken love in married couples or spark new friendships. In fact, carrying an aquamarine is supposed to guarantee a happy marriage and to make its owner happy. As a necklace, it is the most magically ideal gift for a groom to give his bride on the day of their nuptials.
In ancient times, aquamarine was thought to be capable of preserving youth and health. In magic today, this beautiful stone is worn or carried to enhance the utilization of psychic powers. Aquamarine can be worn as a magic charm to ensure good health, to halt fear and to strengthen courage. Because it is a cleansing and purification stone, it can be worn or rubbed on the body as a part of a purification ritual. Aquamarine can also be worn or carried as a protective amulet while sailing or flying over water. Fishermen, sailors and pilots have long made it their special amulet against danger. Other modern beliefs suggest the Santa Maria aquamarine makes the heart beat faster.
Now and then, sensationally large crystals are found. The largest known aquamarine is a 243-pound stone found in Brazil in 1920. It was cut into many smaller stones, and a 13-pound uncut piece resides in the American Museum of Natural History. Another noted aquamarine is an 879.50ct step-cut flawless sea green stone that is on display in the British Museum of Natural History. Aquamarine is found in many exotic places around the world, including Afghanistan, Angola, Kenya, Madagascar, Mozambique, Nigeria, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Russia, Zambia and Zimbabwe. Most of the gemstones available in the market today, however, come from Brazil.
Many modern designers have named aquamarine as their favorite stone, as its light color allows for a special creative freedom to bring out the character and brilliance of each stone. Gemstone artists get their inspiration for new cuts more often from aquamarines than from any other stone. These creative designer cuts have no doubt contributed to its high popularity. Aquamarine is the March birthstone and has become the traditional gift for 16 th and 19 th anniversary gifts. With an 8.0 ranking on the Mohs Scale , the stone is very durable and can stand up to everyday wear. It is the symbol for youth, hope, health and fidelity.
Earring Back Types
Butterfly Back: A double looped piece resembling a butterfly that fits over a post. Variations on this design are called push back clasps. The basic post and butterfly back are usually used for stud earrings and lighter weight drop earrings.
Hinged Snap Backs: This clasp features a hinged post that snaps into a groove on the back of the earring. It is commonly found on hoops. Sometimes the hinged post is curved to provide more room to fit around the ear, sometimes called a saddleback.
Hook Backs: This earring backing is simply a long, bent post that fits through the piercing. Hooks have several variations, most notably the shepherd's hook and the French hook. While thin wire hooks reduce the weight of long earrings, making them more comfortable, they aren't as secure as other clasp styles.
Lever Back: A hinged lever snaps shut against the curved post to form a closed loop around the ear lobe. This clasp is very secure and good for large or medium sized styles that drop just below the ear.
Omega: Also called French clips, this clasp has a straight post and a looped lever. The hinged lever closes around the post and is held against the ear with pressure. The omega clasp is the most secure clasp, especially for the larger, heavier earrings.
Screw back: This backing is a slight variation of the standard post and butterfly nut back. Instead of pushing on the back, the nut twists onto the threaded post. A screw back post design is often preferred for expensive diamond stud earrings that require increased security.


text:
For more information, product details, and pricing please call us at: 410-308-1122 (Ideal Automations)
In a time when your organization requires its communication tools to be cost-effective and flexible, Microsoft Exchange Server 2010 enables you to achieve new levels of reliability and performance by delivering features that simplify your administration, help protect your communications, and delight your users by meeting their demands for greater business mobility. Microsoft Exchange, the cornerstone of Microsoft's unified communications solution, has long been the choice of organizations like yours to enable rich and productive collaboration among its users. The latest release of Exchange can help you achieve better business outcomes while controlling the costs of deployment, administration, and compliance. Exchange delivers the widest range of deployment options, integrated information leakage protection, and advanced compliance capabilities, that combine to form the best messaging and collaboration solution available. Flexible and Reliable The pressure to optimize your IT infrastructure for ever-changing business conditions requires you to be agile and that means investing in solutions that provide you and your organization choice. Exchange Server 2010 gives you the flexibility to tailor your deployment based on your unique needs and a simplified way to help keep e-mail continuously available for your users. With Exchange, choose from on-premises deployment with Exchange Server 2010, a Microsoft hosted service with Exchange Online, or a seamless mix of both. Microsoft's commitment to Software plus Services ensures you can decide on your timeline for taking advantage of the flexibility and power of both without interrupting or changing your users' experience. Exchange Server has always provided and continues to provide you the choice of a wider range of storage hardware options than any other solution, ranging from traditional Storage Area Networks (SAN) to low-cost, desktop-class Direct Attached Storage (DAS). In the latest release, continued innovation in the Exchange mailbox database means that you will experience up to a 50% reduction in disk IOPS (Input/Output Per Second) over Exchange Server 2007, as well as greater resiliency against data corruption. Anywhere Access The success of your business hinges on your ability to make your users more productive and effective through the technology solutions you deliver. Exchange Server 2010 helps your users get more done by giving them the freedom to securely access all of their communications – e-mail, voice mail, instant messaging, and more – from virtually any platform, Web-browser, or device through industry standard protocols. Your users live their business lives in their inboxes every day. For so many organizations, Exchange has been the foundation of a universal inbox. Enhancements in the latest release of Exchange provide your users access to all of their communications from a single location while making it easier for them to collaborate with each other and their business partners. The ever-growing flow of information into and out of an individual's inbox daily can create overload and affect productivity and profitability. Exchange 2010 adds new productivity features that can help your users more easily organize and prioritize the communications in their inboxes
While a growing set of communication tools are utilized by users daily, traditional voice mail remains among the most employed and important to organizations globally. The requirement to operate a traditional voice mail system separately from your investments in broader unified communications solutions creates unnecessary costs for you and added complexity for your users. With Exchange 2010, you can replace your traditional voice mail system with a unified solution integrated into the core of your communications platform. This new system will enable your users to receive their voice mail messages right in their inboxes, and manage those voice mail messages just as they do e-mail, with familiar tools like Office Outlook and Outlook Web Access. Protection and Compliance In today's increasingly regulated environment, it has become critical to efficiently preserve business records. This includes e-mail which has quickly become the principle source of data in legal discovery and other compliance-related investigations. But managing e-mail for compliance has become particularly challenging for most organizations. The problem is that, as e-mail volume grows beyond inbox storage limits, users are often forced to move this mail off e-mail servers and onto PCs and laptops as PST (personal storage) files. This isolates e-mail, making it more difficult to manage and search in a way that meets compliance requirements. To address this PST problem and ease the compliance burden, Exchange 2010 delivers new, integrated e-mail archiving and retention functionality–including granular multi-mailbox search and immediate legal hold. When you combine this with the flexibility provided by the Exchange storage architecture, you can take better control of your corporate information, while providing your users with a streamlined experience that does not disrupt the way they manage their inboxes every day.
Despite all your best efforts, users make innocent mistakes handling sensitive corporate information every day. At the same time, there is always the threat of unauthorized users getting access to unprotected sensitive data. The issue has grown even more urgent in the face of increasing regulations governing customers' and employees' personal information. Exchange 2010 makes it easy to better protect your company's communications and e-mail through centrally managed information control capabilities. This includes the ability to intercept, moderate, encrypt and block e-mail more effectively. Together, this functionality provides you with a flexible range of protection and control options, whether you want to automatically enforce controls or empower users to implement their own data protection. For more information about Microsoft Exchange Server, product details and pricing call us at: 410-308-1122 (Ideal Automations)
Ideal Automations has Microsoft Partner Network membership and providers services on Microsoft corporation products. The context of this page mostly provided based on Microsoft.com


text:
Oh no, your cart is empty.
Add something awesome to it!
Hey you. What're you looking for?
Search your favorite topics...
Or search your favorite genre...
Discover designs just for you
Find your favorite content
Search the depths of pop culture here
What topic or themes interest you?
Search for art you'll love!
Millions of designs for every interest
Search your favorite topic or theme!
Already have an account? Log in.


text:
Chad Billingsley (4-7, 3.71) vs. Johnny Cueto (5-6, 5.42).
COMMENTS: Good: The Dodgers have won five of six from the Reds this season. Bad: The Dodgers have lost five straight coming in to today's game. Good: Billingsley is the closest thing we have to an ace; look beyond his W-L record because he's second in the majors with an amazing 9.50 K/9 rate. Bad: The Dodgers have scored one run or less in seven of their 14 games this month.
Although the Dodgers need a series win against the last-place Reds, they have to take the Lakers' approach and play it "one game at a time" (quotes because it's a cliché, but also true). Prediction: If the Dodgers score at least four runs today, they'll win.


text:
As a complement to the current global debate on the preservation of historic urban landscape, Stadsherstel is organizing an international forum entitled Urban Heritage Inc., Public-private partnership meets heritage preservation.
The forum will take place from 31 March until 2 April 2011 in the De Duif Church in Amsterdam. The second day of the forum, Friday 1 April, is an open day for the public. During the forum a parallel youth forum for students and young professionals will also take place, which will be linked to the forum.
Stadsherstel Amsterdam (founded in 1956) is the largest organization in the Netherlands, dedicated to restoring heritage sites, monuments and cultural landmarks.
Stadsherstel is hosting this forum in cooperation with three official partners; the UNESCO World Heritage Centre, the Dutch Ministry of Education, Culture and Science, and the Municipality of Amsterdam. The forum has been established with contributions of Creative Urbans and Non-fiction.
For more information and to register the public open day (registration closes Monday 28 February, 2011), please visit www.stadsherstel.nl


text:
Unanswered topics | Active topics | New posts | Your posts
Board index
All times are UTC
Use the same techniques 56,700+ men are using all over the world! Enter your email address below and get access to 10 videos instantly:
We will NEVER spam you. Your email is 100% safe with us.


text:
Garnet, the birthstone for January, signifies eternal friendship and trust and is the perfect gift for a friend. Garnet, derived from the word granatum, means seed, and is called so because of the gemstone's resemblance to a pomegranate seed. References to the gemstone dates back to 3100 B.C., when the Egyptians used garnets as inlays jewelry. Garnet is the name of a group of minerals that comes in a rainbow of colors, from the deep red of the pyrope garnet to the vibrant green of tsavorites. Today, the most important sources for garnet are Africa, Sri Lanka, and India.
Source: American Gem Society


text:
I made this quick A2 sized card (4-1/4" x 5-1/2") using the new Cricut Happy Hauntings cartridge. I have a card making group and need to be able to cut multiples of images so I can provide each person with a card kit.
Since I just got the Cricut Imagine Machine, I thought I would see what the machine could do to help me make up my class kits.
I found the orange patterned dot paper on the color selection on the new Cricut Imagine More cartridge and decided to learn how to use the autofill feature to cut out as many scalloped circles onto one mat as I could. To see how I filled the circle with the orange pattern and then used the autofill button, see the video below:
Next, I needed to cut out 9 bats to go inside my orange circles so I used the art quantity button on the Cricut Imagine machine to do so. I also wanted to use 8-1/2" x 11" paper to cut my bats out and wanted to see how the machine handles odd sized paper. Check out the video below to see that function:
Stamps from Michaels and Joanns. Cardstock from Core'dinations - patterned paper by Making Memories. Ribbon from Michaels and Hobby Lobby. Punch by Martha Stewart.
Hope these videos are helping you to see the different functions of the Cricut Imagine machine.
For those of you worried that I have abandoned the Expression machine, do not fear! I still love my pink E and plan to continue to feature projects and cartridges related to that machine.
Here is a link to other Imagine Videos:
Provocraft Demos the Imagine Machine at CHA
Opening the Box of the Cricut Imagine Machine
Loading the Printer Cartridges
A Little Birdie Told Me Card using the Imagine Machine
So Sweet Card using the Imagine Machine
Also, here are the answers to some questions we received over on Everyday Cricut:
Subscribe to Obsessed with Scrapbooking to learn more about ways to use the Cricut in your scrapbooking! This post may contain affiliate links, which help subsidize my diet coke and coffee intake, necessary to run this blog.


text:
NEW ORLEANS -- Jonathan Vilma urged a federal judge Friday to reject NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell's motion to dismiss the defamation lawsuit filed against him by the New Orleans Saints linebacker.
Vilma's request to U.S. District Judge Ginger Berrigan argues Goodell acted with "reckless disregard for the truth" when basing initial allegations about the linebacker upon one fired Saints assistant coach, Mike Cerullo, whose testimony has been inconsistent and challenged by other witnesses in the NFL's bounty probe of the team.
The motion centers on Goodell's public comments that Vilma held up $10,000 cash in a team meeting in 2010, offering it to anyone who knocked Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner out of a playoff game.
During recent NFL appeal hearings in the bounty case, former Saints defensive coordinator Gregg Williams testified he never saw any money.
"Williams has always told Goodell, and continues to state, that there was never any cash put up for a bounty on any player. It was 'just talk.' " Vilma's motion reads. "Nonetheless, Goodell irresponsibly chose to contend that Vilma walked around with $10,000 before the Cardinals game."
Vilma's season-long suspension and three other players' various shorter bans were thrown out Tuesday by former NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, whom Goodell had appointed to oversee the appeals of player punishment.
After Tagliabue's decision, the NFL Players Association dropped claims in federal court on behalf of Saints defensive end Will Smith and two former Saints: Cleveland Browns linebacker Scott Fujita and free-agent defensive lineman Anthony Hargrove. Vilma dropped his claims against the league concerning the disciplinary process, but he moved forward with his defamation case against the commissioner, asking Berrigan to allow discovery, which consists of the collection of evidence and deposing of witnesses. Berrigan has so far delayed discovery while Goodell's motion to dismiss the case is pending.
In their effort to highlight how unreliable Cerullo was, Vilma's attorneys, Peter Ginsberg and Duke Williams, cite hearing testimony from Saints assistant head coach Joe Vitt, who said Payton once arranged for police protection at his former suburban family home while he was away at league meetings because the head coach feared Cerullo was emotionally unstable and might harm his family.
While the lawsuit does not directly quote the testimony from the closed-door hearing, it appears in transcripts obtained by The Associated Press.
"An email was sent to the League about Mike Cerullo long before these (bounty) charges were brought up on our football team saying that Mike Cerullo was crazy, that Sean Payton had to have a police escort or, excuse me, police protection at his house because he was going to the owners' meeting, and he was worried about his family with Cerullo," Vitt testified. "This is the kind of guy we're dealing with. All right?"
Vilma's motion also notes that the NFL subsequently dropped Goodell's initial allegation about Vilma physically holding up money in the meeting before the Arizona game.
"There can no longer be any doubt that Goodell acted with malice ... in making this quasi-criminal accusation against Vilma," the motion said.
The NFL continues to allege that Vilma offered $10,000 to anyone who knocked then-Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre out of the 2010 NFC Championship Game, which followed the Arizona game. Williams testified that he recalled such an offer for that game, but he never saw any money change hands and suggested the offer represented nothing more than tough talk in an emotional meeting that he allowed to get out of hand.
Copyright 2012 by The Associated Press


text:
I'm back with another review and giveaway! For my channel, I like to help out my fellow makeup artists and share with them tricks I've learned along the way. I've continued my Makeup Artist Artist series with this post and video on tips for using blotting sheets in ways you might not have thought of. Make sure to read the whole post because I'm also giving away three packs of some of my favorite blotting sheets!
Click here for more!
Check out the video!
I actually already reviewed the Tatcha Blotting sheets that I used in the video here. Here is the gorgeous set of blotting sheets they sent me.
- When applying moisturizer to yourself or a client, use a blotting sheet right after to absorb excess product. This cuts down the drying time and let's you jump right to foundation with soft, moisturized skin.
- Put a few sheets in your bride's touch-up kit. Good makeup should last but it's normal to blot the shine.
- Use for touch-up on a photo shoot. You don't have to worry about carrying around extra powder in multiple shades and dirtying up your brushes. These papers are colorless and do the job.
- Give these as a gift to a bride! Unlike a lot of regular blotting sheets, they're packaged so beautifully and the gold leaf really makes them look like a luxury product. They have a beautiful bridal kit with 4 packs tied with a special something blue ribbon. One for the bride and some for the bridesmaids :)
- I will have three winners, one for my blog, youtube, and twitter. You must follow me on whatever avenue you plan on winning. You an do it for all three!
- For my YouTube - you must be a subscriber. Leave a comment on the video telling me why you'd like to win and I'll pick the winner at random.
- For my Blog - you must be a follower. Leave a comment on this post telling me why you'd like to win and I'll pick the winner at random.
- For Twitter - you must be a follower. Look out for my Twitter giveaway announcement. I'll host a mini trivia question giveaway and the first to answer correctly wins.


text:
Join Roosevelt Island Neighbors In Sign Making Afternoon Tomorrow In Preparation For January 21 Washington/New York City Women's March
Roosevelt Island Seniors Association President Barbara Parker reports:
Hi Everyone,
Please join your Roosevelt Island neighbors in a sign-making afternoon in plans for our participation in the New York Women's March on Saturday, January 21st.
To confirm your attendance for the sign-making this Saturday, January 14th and more information contact:
Barbara Parker
Lorraine Altman
To sign up for the January 21st March contact:
Sheila Chazin
In the next week, the march organizers will give us a time for our group to be at Dag Hammarskold Plaza. We will then gather on Roosevelt Island and go as a group. If off island people are joining us, we will establish a meeting point for them in Manhattan before we get to Dag plaza.