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Monday, August 30, 2010
"This Stupid Little Life"
Lester: "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."
Every other time I hear this quote, I just wrote it off, because no, I had no idea what he was talking about. Well that all changed four months ago. When something alters your life, it alters your view on the world.
As I was driving up north to a wedding, I was driving behind a semi truck. As the wind from the truck blew the tall grass on the sides of the road, hundreds of butterflies were emerging from their hiding places and flying all around. It was spectacular. I have never seen so many butterflies in my life. Previous to April 20th, I would probably never have noticed the phenomenon that was taking place all around me. I would have been annoyed about getting stuck behind a truck going 50 MPH, and would have been looking for the next opportunity to pass him. Instead, I stayed behind him for almost two hours.
I look forward to getting off of work in the morning and seeing the sunrise. There is such a small window of time that you can see the most beautiful combination of pink and purple colors. Where the night sky and the morning sun are meeting. rays of "God's light" makes me wonder where those rays lead to, and what miracles are happening under them. Before April 20th, I would just drive down the highway as fast as I could in order to get home and get to sleep after a long 12 hour shift. Instead, I pull over and take pictures with my phone to capture the moment.
Baby Prince's smiles! Oh my! They are the most amazing thing ever! When I can make him smile, it fills me with an indescribable joy. Fortunately, Mrs. and Mr. Prince do not take their child for granted, because Baby Prince is their "rainbow baby" and they know the feeling of a loss. However, there are way too many people out there that take their children for granted. They use the TV as a babysitter, and may not notice every smile and giggle. He has been such a joy in my life, and I look forward to seeing him and spending time with him and his mom when I go to work out with Mrs. Prince. They are such a blessing in my life! Prior to April 20th, a baby's smile was nice, but it was by no means something I look forward to on a regular basis.
My dear husband. Once again, some people take for granted what they have. My heart fills with so much love and pride when I see him and hug him and kiss him, that it feels like it is going to explode. Last night he kissed me on the forehead and said, "I love you more than anything in the world, My beautiful bride." I wanted to cry with happiness. I am such a blessed woman, and I realize this.
I guess I could be pretty mad about losing my daughter. I could be, but what is the purpose? It is hard to stay mad when there is so much hope and so much beauty in this world. Instead, I count my blessings.
I hope all of you understand this one day, I hope that you all see all of the beauty that is in this world. Things that you may take for granted today, after that life altering moment, you see in a totally different lite. I truly hope none(although ALOT of you who are reading this already have) of you have to ever go through what Foster and I have. But I do pray that all of you, like Lester and I feel nothing but gratitude for every moment of this "stupid little life".
No Exceptions?!?!?!!?
I was devastated. I AM devastated. I tried to control my emotions in front of Mrs. Prince. My eyes started tearing up a little, but I did not react how I really wanted to. I came home and am now sobbing. It took me months to perfect what I wanted on Rosie's headstone. I wanted it perfect, and it was going to be. Now I need recommendations for a bible verse, because those are the only quotes we can put on it. I think I am going to take a trip down to the cemetery tomorrow after having lunch with a friend, and see what the other babies have on their stones. Ugh!
Please, if any of you know of any appropriate bible versus, I could use the suggestions, because there are a few I am thinking of, but I don't want to miss out on the perfect verse.
Thank you for listening.....
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Spiritual Sunday: Bread of Life
I was a little disappointed that my little girl didn't come to "visit" mommy and daddy today, but figured maybe she realizes we are healing, and don't need constant reminders anymore, because we just know she is there. Well, I gave up on her too soon. Before I even got the chance to open the hymnal to see what song would be played as we took communion, I heard the opening notes played on the piano and my eyes welled up with tears. They were playing the same song that we played while we took communion at her funeral "The Bread of Life." I sang with all of my heart, as tears streamed down my face I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible, because I felt as if she wanted me to sing, that she was making it a point to remind me that she IS still here with us. Foster rubbed my back and scooted just a few more inches closer. As I knelt in front of the miracle of the Eucharist, preparing to receive the Body and Blood, I thanked God for once again showing me why I love Him so much, and why I love Rosie so much. We are NEVER alone, and our prayers WILL be answered, even if it is in the form of a song as a reminder.
There will always be four songs out of the hundreds in the missal that will forever hurt my heart: Bread of life, On Eagles Wings, Be Not Afraid, and Amazing Grace. However, from now on, I will belt them out to the best of my ability while the tears fall.
I do feel bad for the man sitting in front of me, because although I was not literally sobbing, the tears were in a constant stream and fell on the bench in front of us, so I am sure he now has a big wet mark on his butt from sitting in a pool of my tears.
Here is the song....who knew it could be found on YouTube?!?! He will raise me up on the last day, and when He does, I will be greeted by my beautiful Rosie.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
From the Father's Heart (Part 1)
This is the first time I have posted on a blog. You all have enjoyed my wife's blog for about three months now. You know what she has gone through with the loss of our daughter but you do not know what I went through that pivotal day and since then. I am doing this for Erin, my wife the woman I love, so she can understand what I have gone through in the last four months. This is for the mothers who have lost a child and do not know what the father is going through and may feel left behind, or feel that your husbands are "over it"; and this is for the fathers who need to know they are not alone on this; you do not have to suffer by yourself or just with your wife. This is for the family members who are wondering "what is wrong with him."
Erin did not suggest I write this, I decided to start writing this today when I was watching the movie Marley and Me at the part where they found out they had a miscarriage. Since Rosie's passing I have had bad days and I have had good days and the bad days slowly went away until this week. I had three bad days where I could not get her out of my mind, but I did not talk to
I am not as descriptive of a writer as Erin, I am a chemist so I am used to writing about facts, why these facts are true and what these facts mean. I am a Soldier in the US Army, an American and a Christian, a father, a brother, a son and a husband. If you are a regular reader of my wife's blog you know what I do, how Erin and I met, some other things I would rather a complete stranger not know about me, and finally, that I lost my daughter on April 20, 2010. To make it simple this is who and what I am. I am a Christian, a Soldier, a husband, a father and an American all of which I am willing to fight for.
I proposed to Erin on Sept. 11, 2009, the date did not play into my decision it was just the best night I could do it. I planned on proposing the week before at her Grandparents wedding anniversary, at a light house on Lake Erie. Unfortunately, she was working, and unable to go to the reunion. My first contingency plan was Sept. 11th, and if I did not get the opportunity, then I was going to do it the next weekend on vacation in West Virginia. Luckily I got the opportunity and she said YES. Two weeks later we found out we were pregnant and then two and a half months later we were husband and wife. Five months later our world came crashing down in ten words; "I am sorry we can not find a heart beat."
The day we lost Rosie, I just got back from being a way from home for the last seven days and six nights. I got home from work a little early and mowed the yard; Erin was not feeling well that morning so she slept while I was at work. Even though she did not feel well she was still thoughtful enough to make some dinner for me. At dinner she started to complain she has not felt the baby kick in quite some time and she wanted to go to Mrs. Prince's house to use her fetal heart monitor. I said just give it a little more time, I was sure she was just over reacting. I have already been away for the last seven days and did not want to be out late that night as well. At 8:45 she said she still did not feel the baby kick and wanted to go to the Prince's. She said I could stay home and she would be back in an half an hour, I said no I will go with you. When we got there Mr. Prince and I hung out in the kitchen and had a beer while the girls went upstairs to use the fetal heart monitor. They found Mrs. Prince's baby's heart beat just fine but on Erin there was nothing. I figured they did not know how to use the thing properly but we better go to the doctor to put
As we were driving we were joking that we might be taking a baby home in a couple of days, trying to keep a positive attitude. As we were traveling the highway, something told me that she was gone, I shrugged it off because I really don't believe in a sixth sense. If Rosie would have been ok then that thought would have just been me being pessimistic.
As we got to the hospital we checked in and got taken back to the triage room fairly quickly. Erin Climbed up on the table and the nurses began to place the monitors on her belly. The heart rate was reading 120 but they could not find the baby's so they called in the doctors to run an ultrasound. At this time a large tear ran down my cheek, I got chills and I knew my baby was gone. The Doctor did the ultra sound. Still nothing and finally they called in the head doctor. Nothing, then those words that still sting today, "I am sorry we can not find a heart beat.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
You Are Cordially Invited....
To the marriage of Anne and "Tony".
As I have mentioned in the past, Anne and I have been friends for years. She is one of the most amazing women I know, and I was truly honored to be asked to be her Matron of Honor.
I decided that since Foster was going to be out of town and I had the title of MoH, that I would drive my butt the two hours to the venue to help set up the reception hall. Anne said that there were plenty of people helping, but she is not the most confrontational person. She was afraid that with all of the strong personalities helping, that her voice would be lost in the crowd. She knew that since I wasn't part of the in laws, and did not know them from Adam, that I would stick up for Anne when she was not comfortable enough to do so herself. Luckily, EVERYONE got along, the setup went quite smoothly, and I never had to speak out. I even brought everyone into the main bar area of the VFW for a celebratory drink after we were done. For those of you who are unfamiliar with a VFW, you are required to be a member to get in. My husband holds a VFW card, and since I had my military ID card, I was able to convince the post to allow us in for a drink.
Later Friday night, we went through the usual motions of the rehearsal in the church, and then went off for a great dinner that was provided by the groom's family. I quickly learned that weekend that Tony's family owned most of the town's businesses, it reminded me almost like a small Italian "mob". They owned the golf course, a dairy shack, and a catering company. His family is Sicilian, and LOVE food, and love cooking it. His mother provided the food for the actual reception.
Saturday morning we woke up bright and early to get beautified. We found out, AFTER the fact, that the stylist had never done wedding parties. Can I tell you she did an amazing job! She curled my hair so perfectly that the blond highlights spiraled through the red. she pinned it all up into a beautiful pile of curls on the back of my head.
The stretch Hummer met us at the salon, and we were off to the main event. It was at this point I started to get nervous. I was not nervous about standing next to Anne and Tony, I was not nervous about walking down the isle in front of hundreds of people, I was nervous about the speech!! I had stayed up until two in the morning rewriting what I already had. I realized the night before that I didn't like it. I wanted it to be more personal. As the wedding, and eventually the reception, was approaching, the more I started to doubt my new speech.
We arrived at the church and started getting our dresses on. There were some beautiful moments. Anne had a pink and white quilt that the dress was covered in to keep it clean. When it was time to help Anne into the dress, we spread the quilt on the floor and had her stand on it while we assisted her. I looked at her aunt and saw she had tears streaming down her face. I went to give her a hug and she whispered, "The quilt was sewn by my mother." It was such a touching moment for her to watch her niece dress on a quilt her deceased mother made. It was so fitting.
After we finished primping, getting a few pictures with just the girls, it was time. After I made it down the isle to the alter, I started to watch Tony. I wanted to see his reaction when he saw Anne walk down the isle. She was nothing short of breathtaking, and she literally took his breath away. He looked like he was on the verge of crying and passing out. His smile spread from ear to ear as she took his hand.
A few minutes later, I was standing in the perfect place to watch Tony say his vows. When the priest said "Repeat after me," Tony turned toward the priest and started to repeat the "I Tony take you Anne," to the priest! It was hilarious. The priest had to inform him to turn towards Anne and repeat after him. Classic! After he started talking to Anne, it was if everyone else in the church disappeared. He had a look of pure love in his eyes as he spoke from the heart. I started to cry for the first time.
After the vows, Anne and Brad decided to honor Mary. As Ave Maria started I started to sob. If you do not know why, you can read the last wedding blog here . The tears were flowing at this point. I was wishing Foster was in the seats so I could hug him when the ceremony was over.
When all was over, the wedding party headed back down the isle and we all blew bubbles as Tony and Anne ran out as man and wife. When they returned, it was time to start taking more pictures. The photographer started to annoy us all a little bit. He was very structured, very slow, and did not seem to have much creativity. We took the typical pictures on the alter, and then headed out to the beautiful gardens of the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception. Instead of putting us in the colorful St Francis of Assisi garden, or in front of the many gazebos, he puts the wedding party in front of the woods. Anne was NOT happy, and was a little annoyed, so I approached him. I was familiar with the gardens, because I used to frequent them with my grandmother, so I suggested that he get some walking pictures on the paths, some pictures on the foot bridge, and told him there were some beautiful buildings on the property he could use too. Thank God, because after my little pep talk with him, the pictures came out beautifully!!!!
We all got back into the stretch Hummer, and headed to the party. Now my stomach was in my throat. I was starting to freak a little bit. My hands were sweating, my face was pale. The speech was getting closer and closer. Would I make Anne cry? would I get the laughs where I was expecting them? There were people present that regularly read my writing, and I think there were expectations that I was afraid of not living up to. I wanted to make Anne proud above everything else.
We pulled up to the reception and the wedding party was introduced. We twirled our way across the dance floor and took our seats at the head table. The moments were ticking by WAY too fast, and before I knew it, they introduced me. I stood up with my trusty paper in hand and started my speech. (If you do not want to read the whole thing, jump to the yellow highlighted part, and tell me if you read it the same way the ENTIRE audience heard it):
Good evening, For those of you who do not know me, my name is Erin, Anne's best friend and matron of honor. I have known "Anne" for going on nineteen years….wow that really dates us! In fifth grade I walked into St Vincent straight from California thinking I was too cool for school with my poofy bangs and my side pony tails. I am sure "Anne" was NOT impressed! However, unfortunately for her she had to hang out with me after school because our moms both worked at St Vincent and "Anne" and I were left to entertain each other as they finished up their work for the day. I am sure there was some exchanging of money from my mom to hers to make Anne hang out with me, but quickly we became great friends….or she was just getting paid a lot.
In high school we were attached at the hip. People would actually get us mixed up and call me Anne or call her Erin. They thought we were sisters instead of friends. And truly, we were. Anne was around for a lot of my firsts, including my first drink…but of course I was 21. We have had a way of reading each others minds which came in handy numerous times to prevent getting in trouble with our parents and teachers. Fortunately for us, it has translated into our adult life too, because although Life's journey has taken us in different directions from time to time, we always seemed to be around for the moments that we have needed each other the most. She is one of the only people I know that I can call and will drop everything she is doing to help me in a time of need. I am very blessed to have a friend Like Anne. She is one of the most beautiful, strong minded, determined women I know and we have come to know one another so well, that we have an understanding that goes beyond words. We don't judge, and we don't have to explain.
So, when Anne introduced me to "Tony", she didn't really have to say much to make it clear to me that He was The One. All the signs were there... the special looks ... the way her face would light up when he was around, the teasing and sarcasm. Tony fit so perfectly. Anne is an amazing mother, and Tony has come to love Nick and Matt as his own, and hopefully they can give Nick and Matt a few sister and brothers.*Wink Wink*
And I am truly honored to stand next them today as they become a family.
Now Tony, I am sure you know this already, but you have a spit fire on your hands, so I do have a few pieces of advice for you:
1. Never let her go to bed angry - you're defenseless when you sleep.
2. Don't let her know that you think your couch is comfortable - or you'll be sleeping on the patio.
3. If she says, "Do whatever you want to" - You'd better figure out what it is she wants you to do.
4. "Do it when you get a minute" - Means "It should have been done already, and without me telling you."
5. Now that you have said "I do", she owns you from the nose down. What you think, and look at, is your own business.
6. What you think, and look at, can still get you in trouble - if she catches you thinking it, or looking at it.
7. Don't ever criticize your Pam in public - the world should know that you believe she is perfect.
8. Tell her you love her, buy her jewelry, and rub her feet. Everything else is little stuff.
Anne, we have always given each other advice, and although I have only been married for 8 months, there are a few things I have already learned already, so I do have some advice for you too:
1. When he asks if he can change channels - no matter how you answer, it sounds like "yes".
2. "Would you be mad if I decided to......." - means he already did it, and doesn't know how to hide it.
3. If you ask his opinion, and he says "I don't care", or "I don't know" - he really doesn't care, or know.
4. Let him pretend he's in charge. It may take him 5 or more years to figure out that he isn't. By then, it's too late.
5. If you catch him sneaking a peak at another woman - let him. If he just stares - smack the snot out of him.
6. The way to a man's heart may be through his stomach – however, you'll get further with back rubs, or new electronic toy.
7. Don't ever criticize Brad in public - the world should know that you believe that he tries really hard.
8. Tell him you love him, scratch his back, and let him have the remote. Everything else is little stuff.
I am ecstatic for both of you. You truly compliment one another. You met as friends and it evolved into a love that so many people rarely find today. Love after all doesn't make the world go around. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
So, As you sit side by side through this roller coaster of life, remember to scream from the peaks, hold hands through the dips, laugh through the loop the loops, and enjoy every twist and turn.
For the ride is much better when you share it together.
So can we please raise our glasses and toast to Anne and Tony and to love, laughter, and happily ever after.
I was THRILLED with the reaction from the crowd and Anne. They laughed, she cried, and this was pretty much the reaction from everyone about my "electronic toys" comment:
That was NOT what I meant!!! Everyone thought I was referring to Battery Operated Toys, but I meant video games and electronics. They all had dirty minds!!
Obviously I stole a few common phrases for the end, but I think it turned out ok.
As I danced with Tony, he hugged me hard and thanked me fore being a great friend to Anne. He then said something I will never forget, "I hope Foster makes you as happy as Anne makes me. I love her so much" I almost started crying.
Foster Does make me the happiest woman on earth. I love him more than life itself, and am blessed every morning I wake up next to him. I wish he had been there to enjoy the evening with me, but unfortunately, the Army had other plans.
Of course Rosie was on my mind. This wedding should have been different. We were supposed to have her by now, and I would have been dancing with her on the dance floor. I only cried once, and it was when one of the other brides maids was dancing with her 5 month old daughter to put her to sleep. This hit me hard, and I had to step out for a minute. I realized that there will be moments like this for the rest of my life. Moments that I know Rosie should have been there with us.
Thank you Anne and Tony for allowing me to be a huge part of your special day! I love you both!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Day of Hope
Although I think and honor her every day, today is the day of hope, and I honor my Rosalynn Patricia. I miss you every moment of every day sweet girl, and every day I have hope for the future.
If anyone else (Mom, sisters, etc) would like to post, go to august19thdayofhope.blogspot.com and grab a button and honor your child, grandchild, niece, nephew,etc!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Also, one of the only things I have been praying to dream about I have not. Is it strange that in four months I have not had a single dream about my daughter. Some of you may find me a little crazy, but I completely believe that your dreams is where your dead loved ones can communicate with you if you pay attention. My Ganny has come to me in dream NUMEROUS times since her passing, and even a few times since Rosie's passing. I have had the nightmares of the scene in the hospital of the US that verified my daughter was gone. I have also had nightmares of random birth scenes and dead babies, but all I want is a dream of my beautiful baby girl. Maybe I just want it too bad, and she will come to me when I need her most.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Another Beautiful Sunday!!
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Catholic faith, I will give a little back ground for this post. Unfortunately, there is a common misconception that the Catholics "Worship" Mary. I want to make it clear that the only "people" we worship are God and Jesus. We use our saints, including Mary, as roll models, people to look up to and strive to be like. We also ask them to pray for us; we pray THROUGH the saints not TO the saints. The best way to explain it is when I ask you to pray for me; that is what we do to the saints, we ask for their intercession.
Mary is the church's mother figure and today we celebrated the feast of the Assumption. The Assumption is when Mary was brought up into heaven body and soul. Today was a "Two for One Special". Feast days such as today is considered a holy day of obligation. If a holy day falls on a weekday, we are expected to attend mass that day as well as Sunday. Since the Assumption fell on a Sunday this year, we only had to attend today. It was like hitting the Catholic Lottery!! During today's sermon the priest brought up some points that hit close to home.
Can you imagine, Mary probably had her life planned out. She had met this amazing man, Joseph, that she wanted to marry. She may have wanted to just live a quiet life on a sheep farm with her husband and a few kids. All of the sudden she is approached by an angel and he tells her that her plans for the future are going to completely change. She is going to be pregnant, and not by the man she has fallen in love with. She will carry God's child. It would be hard enough to explain carrying another man's child, but try and convince someone that you are still a virgin and carrying GOD's child. She had to have been terrified. That was just the immediate future. What she did not realize is that her life would be full of hardships. She would have to witness the torture and death of her own child. There would be moments of fear, sorrow, and doubt. Then she would spend the rest of her time on earth continuing his work before being rewarded with eternity in heaven. Her response to the angel was ""I am the Lord's Servant, may it be done to me as you have said." (Luke1:38)
That is so inspirational. If only we could all embrace the unexpected in our lives as Mary did, the good, the bad and the ugly. Look deep inside yourself. Would you have responded to the angel the same way? I probably would have told him to stop pulling my leg and then I would be looking for the "Candid Camera" guy's hiding spot. I cannot honestly say I would have responded with as much faith and certainty as she did.
My life has had it's ups and down. I have wondered why I have had to go through some of the things I have, abusive relationships, money problems, and now the loss of my daughter. I may not have an angel telling me what my future holds, but I will trust that maybe there is a greater reason for all of this. Lord, I am your servant also, and let it be done onto me as you want.
I had the honor of spending some time with one of Foster's soldier's family today. While the men worked on Foster's brakes, I hung out with his wife. After talking with her for a while and watching them, I realized that they have such a wonderful marriage and a beautiful family. When you see the two of them together, you would assume they have only been married a short time. They are openly affectionate and look at each other with pure love. Surprisingly, they have been married for thirteen years! They have three handsome, smart, and very honest boys and a beautiful teenage daughter. One of the boys told Foster that he ran too slow today. I almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard, and then he told me I laughed like the Joker and like his grandmother. You must admit, "kids say the darnedest things".
I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I just ask one thing from God. No matter what he throws at me, I can handle it as long as Foster is by my side. I pray that we are as happy as this couple are thirteen years from now. I know they have had their ups and downs, and as one of their sons said, "Mom, you and dad just fought today." It just seems to make them stronger and closer. This is what I pray for. Just as Joseph was Mary's rock and stood by her through it all as her loving spouse, I know I can take on anything head on as long as Foster is standing next to me.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
A Wonderful Time With Foster
After dinner Foster and I headed to the festival. We went for the beer tent, don't worry, I had saved up enough carbs in my diet to allow for 2 glasses of Miller Lite. We sat at one of the umbrella tables, and listened to some live music and talked. We really just enjoyed each others' company. I love moments like that sooooo much. We decided to check out the items at the silent auction and bid on a few things that interested us. Did you know we could bid on naming the new gym??!?!? Foster and I figured if we won, we would name the gym "Slim"...get it? "Slim Gym"....hahaha....I know, corny, but we crack each other up sometimes.
We wandered into the Monte Carlo room and Foster was encouraging me to sit down at one of the Texas Hold'em tables now that he saw how well I can play after beating my family members a few weeks ago. However, if I sat down, I would be there for hours and I was having too much fun hanging out with my wonderful husband, so I did not want to play.
After acquiring another glass of beer and taking our seats near the live music again, we saw this beautiful baby girl. Foster and I got caught by the parents staring a few times. When Foster got up to get another beer, I wandered over to the table to introduce myself so I did not seem so creepy. I asked when their baby was born, "April 25th". I was right. When foster and I had been talking, I said that the baby was around 4 months old and is probably exactly where Rosie would be. Then I asked her name, "Reagan". I chuckled at this and said that is what our first daughter's name would have been had we not named our dog Reagan.
I apologized for our staring and told her that we had lost our daughter on April 20th and we were just admiring her daughter. She let me play with Reagan for a little bit, and it was good. I was okay. I decided I think it is the newborns that I will always have a problem with, because Rosie will always be newborn in my eyes. This is the only way I will ever know her. This gives me hope, because one of my good friends just had a little girl about 2 weeks ago. She is beautiful! Strawberry hair, sweet little face. However, I cannot bring myself to set up a time to go visit due to the fact she is a little strawberry haired newborn, just like Rosie was. however, it looks like when her baby gets a little older, I will have no issues.
Once Foster and I got home, we sat on our patio and talked for a few more hours. We talked about how blessed we are, how much we love each other, about how beautiful our home has become (I know, I still have to post pictures of all the changes),and about the future. Although it feels like our world came to an end 4 months ago, we are starting to feel like it has started back up again. We are preparing for our trip to Austin for the National Guard Conference and are ecstatic! If any of my followers are from that area, let me know, maybe we can get together for coffee or lunch. I would love to meet some of you in real life.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Update on Fostering
We talked it over, and although the most in need group of children are eight and over, I think we will start with the under five age group, because we are new to the parenting thing. We will start with one child or maybe a set of siblings, but until we feel comfortable with older children, we will stick to the younger ones. I personally feel like it would be hard for a pre-teen or teenage kid to take Foster and I seriously as an authority figure because we are a younger couple.
I just pray that this works out and we enjoy this process. I know God has plans for Foster and I, and I hope this is one of them. We have the hearts, the room, and the means to help a child in need.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Guest Blogger
It is an entry about the situations that have arisen being dual status and an officer and enlisted couple in the military. I am so excited about all the new wonderful followers I have been blessed with since the post.
Thank you Mrs. G.I. Joe!
Visit my entry Here: "An Officer and His Specialist".
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Pure Heaven!!!
Foster and I had officially been together for fifteen months, however, we had only spent four months together on the same side of the earth. He was sent to the sandbox three short months after we met. I was lucky to have spent four amazing days with him between his training in Texas and his year in Iraq. Plus, there was a ten day period he came to Texas while I was training as an Army medic that I was able to see him for 48 glorious hours of that. Other than that, we were apart for a year. So you can imagine the excitement that started to build as his homecoming ceremony was approaching.
Foster's parents, my parents and myself were patiently awaiting the bus full of soldiers at a local school. The Army band was there ready to strike up, and there were families getting antsy. After three hours of waiting, two hours past their expected time of arrival, I saw Foster's friend who is was stationed with the rear detachment. "Captain B, what is going on that is taking so long?"
He pulled me aside from the rest of the families to explain to me in a hushed voice that our guys and girls were cooling their heals at the airport. Someone had not done their job properly, because the buses never showed to pick them up. That was no big surprise, the Army never ceases to amaze me sometimes. I suggested we used the band's buses and as many mini vans as possible, and we could go pick them up ourselves. The airport was only a half an hour away and it was ridiculous that it was taking 2 hours to get them. By this time they could have walked to the school. CPT B got everything under control (I guess he had already thought of the band buses, great minds think alike!), and about thirty minutes later we got the news that the buses were pulling up.
I bypassed the front door, because that is where everyone was filing out, and I found a side door. I ran to the front in my heeled boots. It was cold! I anxiously watched the buses and vans pull up with hundreds of guys in uniform. They all looked alike, but I was sure I would be able to pick Foster out in the group. I looked and looked, and started to get worried that he had not made the first trip of buses and was still hanging out at the airport. I guess my father saw him before I did, but did not say anything, because as I stood looking for him, I felt these strong arms wrap around my shoulders from behind. I felt warm lips on the side of my face, and an "I love you" in my right ear. I whipped around and embraced Foster with all of my being. I kissed him and hugged him and did not care that my parents and his parents were standing there watching. Actually, I wish someone had gotten that moment on video.
I have never felt such an overflowing of emotion. Relief that he was home safe, Love for this man I have not seen in person for almost a year, excitement for that moment and the future to come. If there was one feeling I could bottle up and sell, it would be that feeling. There is no one word that can explain it. The closest I can get is "heaven".
The following video is not the one I posted on my facebook, because I could not find the embedding code, but it is close! This video made these feelings come flooding back, and I figured I would share it with all of my fellow military wives who's husbands are deployed. We are blessed. When our husbands return home, we get to experience this unique emotion that so few people will. Let this future reunion keep you strong and positive these next months while your men are gone, because you will soon get to be doing this too, and I hope someone catches it on video.
God Bless Our Troops!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
No More Fear
I had the the opportunity to sit and talk to my aunt this weekend while I stayed with her for the wedding, and in our conversation the fear of a subsequent pregnancy was raised. I told her that I was slightly relieved when we were not pregnant again this month because I was not entirely sure if I was ready for the anxiety that would accompany it.
After the wedding yesterday, I made my way an hour drive to meet up with Foster. He was taking part in some training for the Army, and instead of heading home and spending the next few nights alone, I went to spend the rest of the weekend with him. One of the things that Foster and I look forward to every week is going to church together. We both agree that we feel so close to each other and close to Rosie when we are singing and praying in the Lord's house. I have mentioned before that it usually happens that the sermons seem to correlate to what is going on in my life at that moment. Well, today was not an exception.
The message today was about fear. Why do we fear, how do we stop ourselves from just trusting and not fearing? It is human for us to fear rejection, fear failure, fear the past repeating itself. So how do we overcome this and just trust that the Lord knows what he is doing and that in reality, we cannot control everything. Sure, we can control the temperature in our house, and control our weight, etc, but no matter how hard we try, there are times we have to just give our fear, hopes and dreams over to God. I don' t know how we can stop this fear. However, what I heard today in church will definitely stick with me through the next pregnancy, and whenever I feel fear creeping into my heart.
Father Tom at St. Dominick's said (not word for word) That when Moses was afraid of the burning bush, and asked who he should tell the Israelites who God was, God responded "I am Who Am".
He does not want us to live in fear of the past and dwell on the things that we have done, because he is not "I am Who was."
He does not want us to fear for the future. We should not dwell on the what if's and fear what could happen, because he is not "I am Who will be."
However, we should live in the moment, strive to be the best person we can be, and trust in the Lord, because in the end, the kingdom of the God is ours.
I really started to reflect and think about how powerful this is. I cannot control how another pregnancy will pan out. We can do everything in our power here on earth to prevent the same thing from happening, but there have been instances of women losing their baby while they were in the hospital. So, I had this incredible revelation. I AM ready. I am officially ready for when God decides to bless us with another life. Instead of fearing every moment, and having anxiety, I am going to enjoy every moment I have with my next child. If those moments are only meant for the womb, then I will be grateful for those, but I will trust in the Lord and hope for a healthy child.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil."
Proverbs 3: 5-7
I will have a treat in a couple of days for all of you. Foster has been hit pretty hard this past week. I do not know if he tried to suppress his feelings for too long, but he has had some inspiration and wants to submit an entry to my blog world. He wants me to edit his grammar and change the names, but soon you will see how he has been dealing with the loss of our daughter. It is really heartfelt, and I was really touched that he wrote his thoughts on feelings down. For those of you who do not know Foster, and for those of you who do, this will be a special treat, because he is not open with his feelings. He has his reasons, which he will explain to you in his blog.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Where do I Belong? Part 2
I don't fit into the pregnant lady groups either. Who wants to hear advice from a mommy who lost her baby? Who wants to hear what to expect over the next couple of weeks from a mother who lost her daughter? No one, because ultimately, my experience ended in loss, and no one wants to imagine that is how their pregnancy is going to end.
I don't fit in with the childless women who have never been pregnant, because I HAVE had a child. I have carried her for eight and a half months, I have given birth, I have held her, and then I had to bury her. These are all experiences that childless couples who have not tried to have children yet have not experienced. I don't feel completely right drinking because I am a mom, and new moms aren't supposed to be going out on the weekends drinking too much. I should be worrying about my baby. Foster and I should not be planning three trips in the next month like a childless couple can, because we should be worrying about spending quality time with our baby.
It is such a unsettling feeling not knowing where you belong. I know eventually, with God's blessings, I will fall into one of these other categories, but until then, I will learn to live in my limbo with my husband, because the one place I am sure I belong is in Foster's arms.
It will be a few days till you hear from me again because I will be up at Anne's wedding, but I am sure I will have fun stuff to write about when I get back this Sunday.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Where do I Belong?
I do not post a lot about being a military wife at this time, because although we have gone through time apart with TDYs and deployments, Foster and I are blessed enough to not be faced with any real challenges with the military right now. However, I am going to talk about something tonight that may make this change in a couple years, and then this blog may take a HUGE turn. BEFORE I go into details a note to our friends in real life and family members (Moms and Dads, all sisters) PLEASE do not talk about this with us in real life unless we bring it up, because there are A LOT of factors that still need to go into play and things he and I need to talk about, so DO NOT PANIC!! Foster has a few years left with his current unit, but he has been introduced to a very specialized program that the Army offers that he would be great for. It is a Masters program that he can obtain a few different ways, and would give him a degree in either Nuclear Physics or Weapons of Mass Destruction. He would have a great opportunity to move up very quickly in ranks and possibly hold very important positions. It would also help his civilian career if he ever decided to get out of the Army. I am supper supportive of whatever path he decides to go with his career because he makes decisions on how he can improve himself and take better care of his family. As I mentioned before, Foster is currently active duty with the National Guard. The biggest PCS (Permanent Change of Station for those of you non-military) we have to worry about is getting stationed across the state, HOWEVER, IF he goes with this degree, he would go active duty in the regular Army.
This sends me into a few mixed emotions. Who wouldn't want to travel while they are still young and, currently, without any children? If he is active duty regular Army, this means we would be moved to a different state, and although the farthest we would probably go would be Maryland or DC, it is scary for me to think I may be that far away from my family and friends. I am nervous about the change and what the future could bring. Thankfully it is quite a while away, and we have plenty of time to figure things out, and he may even find a different endeavor to pursue, but these are the ideas and plans for the moment.
An update about Back in His Arms Again for my Baby loss moms. I am happy to say I had an amazing meeting with Kam, the founder. She wants me at the next board meeting which is supposed to be tomorrow, but I have not heard the definitive plan yet. I recently talked to a friend of mine who is about to take her boards to officially become a PsyD. (Doctorate in Psychology). She is amazing, and wants to donate her time and counseling services in her area. I am so proud to have friends like this. If any of my BLMs want to donate their time or services, feel free to contact me, and after the meeting, I will let you know how you too can help. (I know there are a few of you that do baskets and memory boxes that I would LOVE to have your help in providing the families that contact me with one of these beautiful, helpful gifts, and I may be contacting you in the future.) My last question is do ANY of you work for a cell phone company. I need some advice. I know companies are required to donate so much in charity. A HUGE portion of this business is on the phone, talking to the families, calling the funeral homes, calling the cemeteries, calling the hospitals, calling the counselors, etc. Kam, her hubby and I will be the main 3 that will be talking A LOT. Kam says she goes through a new phone every 3-5 months because she burns through the batteries and overheats the phones so quickly. As a way to alleviate some of the cost, I was inquiring if any cell phone company would donate a 3 line family care plan. We ARE a non profit, so we only have money coming in through fundraisers and our own pockets, so saving money on a cell phone plan would alleviate a HUGE cost. If any of you know HOW or WHERE or WHO I need to talk to, PLEASE let me know. I used to get free donations from stores and restaurants for Christmas parties, I am SURE I can get one plan donated for a non-profit organization. I have a few phone calls to make tomorrow.
On a final note, I am sooooooo excited for this weekend. Anne's wedding!!! I am very nervous about once again standing up and making a speech in front of a bunch of strangers. Say a little prayer for me that A) I can do Anne justice, and B) that I do not make a fool of myself.
Sorry, this blog is ALL over the place....proving my point from earlier.
OH....and check out, I posted a new My Bug's Life entry!! click here or on the side bar of my blog.


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Trumbo sees plenty of potential in Mariners
SEATTLE -- Mark Trumbo was acquired to help bolster a Mariners lineup that hasn't lived up to expectations so far this season. But Seattle's newest slugger believes he's joining a group that can still make serious noise in the American League West despite a 2-1 loss Thursday to the Rays that extended the club's losing streak to six games.
• Mariners, D-backs make six-player tradeView Full Game Coverage
SEATTLE -- Mark Trumbo was acquired to help bolster a Mariners lineup that hasn't lived up to expectations so far this season. But Seattle's newest slugger believes he's joining a group that can still make serious noise in the American League West despite a 2-1 loss Thursday to the Rays that extended the club's losing streak to six games.
• Mariners, D-backs make six-player tradeView Full Game Coverage
"I know playing the Mariners in Spring Training, you look at the potential and possibility and it's pretty jaw-dropping," Trumbo said after arriving at Safeco Field on Thursday. "That being said, you've got to go out there and get it done as well. If we can get things clicking a little bit, and I can contribute in whatever way I can, I think opposing pitchers are going to have to work."
Trumbo singled in his first at-bat with his new team and finished 2-for-4 with a pair of singles.
"It was kind of bittersweet," he said. "It's nice to get that out of the way, but it'd be a lot nicer to get a nice win, too. I guess about all you can ask for is to do what you can."
Video: Trumbo on joining Mariners lineup, playing at Safeco
The Mariners traded four players -- Dominic Leone, Welington Castillo and Minor Leaguers Gabby Guerrero and Jack Reinheimer -- to the D-backs on Wednesday for Trumbo and left-handed pitcher Vidal Nuno. Trumbo was immediately penciled into the fifth spot in the lineup as the designated hitter for Thursday's series opener against the Rays by manager Lloyd McClendon. Trumbo took over at first base after Logan Morrison was a late scratch with back spasms.
"During batting practice they said be aware there might be a switch, so I started preparing there a little bit," he said. "I played one game there [with the D-backs this season]. They wanted me to focus primarily on right field. So I'll need to get a little more reacclimated, probably. But no problem. I've played over there for eight or nine years."
Trumbo is doing a lot of quick adjusting since learning of the trade Wednesday afternoon.
"It's a lot to take in initially," Trumbo said of the sudden change in his life. "But when I found out this was the team I was going to, I couldn't have been happier. I've loved coming here when I was with the Angels. It's one of my favorite places in the country, or the world, for that matter. I'm just really excited for the opportunity to start here and contribute to an excellent ballclub."
• Justice: May be shakeup Seattle needs
Trumbo averaged 32 home runs and 94 RBIs in his final three years with the Angels before being traded to the D-backs in 2014. He played only 88 games because of a stress fracture in his foot last year and hit .259 with nine homers and 23 RBIs in 46 games for Arizona this season. His .506 slugging percentage was sixth among National League outfielders.
The 29-year-old has batted .243 with four homers and 11 RBIs in 29 career games at Safeco Field as a frequent visitor during his Angels days, so he's well aware of the park's reputation as a tough place for right-handed hitters.
"I've had no problem with it," he said. "I can see the ball pretty well and ultimately that's what I really care about. At times, I know the perception is it plays pretty big. But I look forward to the challenge of taking it on. I've seen plenty of guys have productive years here."
McClendon said Trumbo will rotate between DH, first base and a corner outfield position. And he likes the idea of hitting him behind Robinson Cano, Nelson Cruz and Kyle Seager, whom he bumped up to the 2-3-4 spots in the order on Thursday.
"Obviously we've added another professional hitter to our lineup," McClendon said. "It stretches our lineup and gives us much, much better balance and some much-needed punch. "
McClendon is also excited about the addition of Nuno to the bullpen, and he's also capable of filling in as a starter. Nuno started 31 games with the Yankees and D-backs in 2013-14, but was being used as a long man by the D-backs since being called up this year and will fill a similar role now.
"That gives us three left-handers in the 'pen and the ability to match up with teams that have those monster left-handers in their lineup," McClendon said. "It also gives us depth if we need another starter. I think our team is obviously different, but better in a lot of areas because of the acquisitions we made."
Greg Johns is a reporter for MLB.com. Follow him on Twitter @GregJohnsMLB, read his Mariners Musings blog, and listen to his podcast.

subset: commoncrawl


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That's why we're offering a 1.0% rate reduction to all eligible existing Volkswagen customers who lease or finance with Volkswagen Finance!
Being loyal pays off!
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Impressions from Colombia
I came back from Colombia in June 2017 and loved it so much I have written an article on my impressions from this amazing country. Colombia is becoming a digital nomad destination, mainly (and only) due to the popularity of Medellin, one of the world's top trending digital nomad destinations. The article was published in Spanish in Colombia's biggest Magazine (Semana) and received much more attention than expected (or wanted) on social media. I am publishing it in English as it is a good read for digital nomad and long-term travelers who are living in Colombia, or planning to get there. The bottom line of it all is that Colombia is a spectacular country going through a positive transition and should not be missed. Enjoy!
I have just left Colombia after a 6 month visit and I already miss it. My name is Eli David, and since 2010 I have lived a nomadic lifestyle, switching between countries every 2 months. I am an economist and accountant originally from Israel who decided that it is better to see the world rather than stay in the same location. To date, I have lived in more than 60 countries and publish articles about the nomadic lifestyle at BecomeNomad.
Staying in Colombia for 6 months was not planned, but it was hard to leave. Most of my time was spent in Medellin, Bogota, Pasto, and Bucaramanga while making weekend trips to places close to those cities. For this article, it would have been easy to focus on the positive aspects of life in Colombia, mainly its people and nature. However, I think it would be more beneficial for you if I share the main things that are either missing or should be improved in Colombia, while focusing on social, economic, and environmental aspects which affect the country. It should be noted that although I have a background in economics and the ability to compare my experiences here to dozens of other countries where I lived, I am not a local who lives the "Colombian reality," so my apologies in advance if I get things wrong or offend you.
To sum up this extensive article, there is one root infection that is the reason for most of Colombia's problems. It will probably not surprise you that this infection is corruption. As I will explain later, I have tried to understand why corruption is so prevalent here, and concluded that it is a cause of something much deeper. Colombia suffers from a severe lack of solidarity which directly causes and amplifies corruption. So let's start going deeper.
I am now staying in Madrid, Spain, and a few days here reminded me of the main reason why I would not stay in Colombia for an extended period. My Colombian friends, most of your cities are heavily polluted, and it seems that most of you are not aware of how dire your situation is. Pollution is mainly the result of old cars and buses that are still allowed to be on the road throwing fumes of smoke at pedestrians.
This is a life/death issue. Everyone living in a Colombian city is constantly breathing smoke, which will result in you and family members living less and suffer from more health complications. Madrid and other European cities have millions of habitants, but the air is clean. In Colombia's case, the government is not putting effort into taking polluted cars and factories off the street, because there is not enough pressure from the public to make these kinds of tough decisions.
The "Pico y Placa" initiative is a nice start, but it's an easy solution that doesn't tackle the core of the problem: the polluters and severe lack of infrastructure. Just as cancer cannot be healed with aspirin and pain killers, your "Trancones" will only get worse. When I first arrived to Bogota in 2007, my friends told me about plans to build a metro. What happened?
For a country with the nicest people on the planet, I never understood why it is so difficult to be a pedestrian in Colombia. When I arrived in Spain after 6 months in Colombia, I didn't cross the street even when cars stopped for me in zebra lines because I couldn't believe they were waiting for me. Your government has worse problems to deal with than pedestrian rights, so my only request from you, my fellow Colombians with a car, is to decide that from now on you will let people safely cross the street when you see them waiting in Zebra lines.
Crossing the street isn't easy, but traveling between Colombian cities is even more difficult. True, the majestic Andes make land trips difficult, but your infrastructure is truly horrible. After traveling in a bus between Pasto, Bogota, Medellin, Bucaramanga, Cucuta, and the Caribbean cost, I can honestly say that your narrow roads are planned inefficiently, and make land travel unnecessarily long. Flights have become the norm for traveling in Colombia, which is unfortunate. I can report from my travels that the guerilla is gone, and traveling by public transport or a car is safe. By doing that and avoiding planes, you will get to know how beautiful Colombia is, since the most majestic places are not found in cities. Flights create pollution, noise, and delay the growth and integration of smaller towns that are currently not visited by Colombians. Your neighbor country Ecuador is by no means more successful than you, yet they have excellent roads and infrastructure. Someone robbed you for dozens of years, it is time to make sure this robbery end so you can heavily invest in Colombia's infrastructure and future.
Let's talk about your cities and parks. And yes, I am also talking to you my beloved Bucaramanga, "La ciudad de los parques". Your cities are not fun to walk at all. Other than the pollution, you have very few parks which keep on disappearing every time a real estate project pays enough to get a permit to destroy one more of your city's green lungs. The sidewalks are extremely narrow, forcing people into the street to mix with cars and motorcycles. Here is the sad news: it is not only your local politicians stealing the public space away from you, it's also ordinary Colombians just like you who seem to have given up on the system to grab whatever public space is available close to their homes.
I suggest you start actively defending your parks and nature. Go protest each time a park is about to disappear, make sure that the roads being built between your cities are planned without corruption and special interests, and think carefully about long term environmental implications. Defend your amazing nature; you are truly blessed with spectacular mountains, beaches, plants, and animals unlike any other country, and once it is gone you can never restore it. The easiest way to start protecting your nature is changing your own habits. The situation with plastic bags in Colombia is beyond absurd. In Europe, plastic bags are paid for, and people usually avoid them. In Colombia, you get one with anything you buy. Whenever someone is offering a plastic bag, decline and say you care about the environment. If your government is too busy to push for positive change, you as the people will have to set the norms for your government to follow. Don't wait for them.
Obesity and diabetes are becoming incredibly frequent all over the world, and one of the things related to those diseases is the food we eat. Colombia made me fat. Don't get me wrong, Colombian food is tasty and I miss my Arepas and Banuelos, but it is hard to find a salad or non-fried food. I can only recommend changing the menu to protect yourself and your families. I love it that only in Colombia can you get hot chocolate with your breakfast as an adult, but this coca cola addiction needs to stop. Switch to water please.
Colombia has the friendliest people I have ever had the privilege to meet during my travels. Unlike in many other parts of South America, Colombians are not only friendly but also generally do not take advantage of tourists, and instead take care of them. On a few occasions, Colombians gave me discounts or services for free just so I would have a good impression of their country (Special thanks to Dr. Vicente Unigarro from Clinica Unigarro in Pasto, you are a great man!). During my stay here, 2 of my hostels became a place where I felt I had a family. Nariño is my favorite Colombian region, and Antoni and Monica in Hostel Bohemia in Pasto are the main reason for that, in addition to the spectacular Green Laguna nearby. My other Colombian family in hostal Rural Chitota near Bucaramanga, run by the legendary Enrique and Diana, showed me how great life is when you live in a Colombian farm. However, being so friendly has some disadvantages as well. In Israel people complain about everything that doesn't work or make sense, which leads to things getting better. If your rights are violated by corruption, crime, and inefficiency, you should actively speak out and change the status quo. With so many years of internal fighting and trouble, I was sure Colombians will much more tough and rugged, but I found out you are probably the sweetest people on the planet, and also a little spoiled. A lot of you avoid exploring the amazing nature your country is gifted with because it's difficult to move between places, and complain when you don't have a TV in your hostel room. You are missing out on exploring and enjoying your amazing country when you only look for comfort.
One of the things that surprised me in Colombia was seeing older people actively working. In Bogota, I had a fun Uber ride with a 78 year old driver. It is great to see older people who are not giving up and continue to work and provide for their families. You should embrace and support them, as they are boosting the economy and continue to feel relevant in a global job market that usually prefers younger people. Surprisingly, the sharing economy fueled by technology has given older people the possibility to get back to the job market. Uber allows them to use their car to pick up passengers, AirBNB to list their homes to receive tourists and visitors. In Israel, the taxi lobby has blocked Uber and I was impressed that Colombia lets those services operate in the gray zone of legality. Let it continue, as those new economy businesses are breaking inefficient monopolies, creating jobs, and allowing more social mobility. The sharing economy also improves the level of other service providers, who treat their clients badly without competition. If you are not sure what I mean, just take a taxi in Bogota. It should be noted that the older population must be given a chance to participate in the economy due to a nonexistent coverage of the Colombian Pension system. I have heard stories of people working for years and not receiving any pension, so the least you can do is to allow them to work, and give them the tools to do so efficiently.
Not only the elderly struggle with getting a job. In Colombia, the critical factor influencing careers is knowing the right people, especially in the public sector. Your job market is rigid, and once someone gets a job, they are afraid to change it even if they know it is not the right job for them. Rigid job market means that resources are not distributed efficiently and people are not working on things they are best at or enjoy doing. At the same time, talented workers who lack the necessary connections are left out of the job market, which leads them to illegal activities and increases crime.
The good news is that Colombians are hard workers. It was amazing for me to go on the metro in Medellin at 5:30 in the morning and see it full of people fighting to support their families and build a future for themselves while juggling between various jobs. Your government should support a flexible job market that is open for everyone, instead of complicating things with unnecessary laws. An example that comes to mind are the dozens of Monday "Puentes". It might be good for tourism, but it's bad for business, and more importantly, bad for your own personal freedom. As Colombians start working with clients and businesses around the world, it will be very hard to explain to them that half of your Mondays are a general vacation for everyone. Colombians deserve more vacation days than they have now, but forcing everyone to take vacations at the same time is counterproductive. People should be able to decide their vacation days individually, and this will also allow me to get a bus ticket to Cartagena in "Semana Santa" the next time I visit.
The collective vacations connect to another interesting phenomenon, the Colombian Family. European and Americans leave their homes when they are 18, while Colombians seem to stay there forever. Your family unity is inspiring, but it might also cause your younger generation to have reduced ambitions. Economies are boosted by hard working people and by entrepreneurs with dreams for change and prosperity. The social norm of parents taking care of their children regardless of age might do more damage than good. It might also bring another negative phenomenon. When your bonds to family and friends are so powerful, there is no place for anyone else outside that circle to be included. Colombia needs more integration and solidarity, and fewer isolated families and friends that keep to themselves.
Regardless of their education level, Colombians are also entrepreneurial, and your streets are full of small shops and fruit stands manned by expert sales people. Colombia is surprisingly becoming a major hub for small technology firms as well. My project StartupBlink is mapping startup ecosystems around the world, and Medellin is a star location in South America. Medellin is also becoming more popular for tourists and expats, which shows an incredible example of how a troubled location with the worst possible image has transformed to become a success. Take the time to be proud of your country's outstanding transition! In my first backpacking trip in 2003, Colombia was a pariah country I chose to avoid. In 2007, I took a courageous decision to arrive and fell in love with a country that had few tourists. Colombia 2017 is becoming one of the most popular touristic spots in Latin America. I will infuriate my friends from the left and right by saying that your last two governments did an outstanding job to manage both war and peace and get back control of the county that was virtually nonfunctioning. I honestly don't understand why Colombians are so divided politically. Celebrate your transition, love and respect one another, and understand that you are one people. You will rise or fall together.
This opens a discussion about solidarity. It doesn't seem like Colombians care about each other. It's not enough to feel Colombian when the national team is playing, you should mostly feel it during tragedies and when people are suffering. People suffer a lot in Colombia. I was shocked to see daily life go on when the tragedy in Mocoa occurred with more than 300 casualties. Israel's strength is its solidarity. When tragedy occurs, our country is on hold, mourning, enraged. Solidarity sounds like a nice thing to have, but for Colombia it is crucial, since it will allow you to confront corruption. What is corruption? Taking care of yourself and your own circle at the expense of everyone else. Colombian lack of solidarity brings corruption, since, if the only people you care about are your family and friends, homeless Colombians in your streets and in other regions like La Guajira and Mocoa are forgotten. It seems like you have given up on them, and it is clear they've given up on you as well. If you start caring about the "lost Colombians," corruption will diminish and become socially unacceptable just like in Japan, regardless of the punishment for it. After living in more than 60 countries, it became clear to me that corruption is highly correlated with the norms and priorities of the ordinary people rather than politicians. Politicians are a reflection of the people, and have the same ethics and priorities of anyone else. Colombians complaining about corruption are often the same people who pay no taxes on their income, jumping over the bus meter to avoid paying the full price, not respecting lines, or blocking the sidewalk with their car.
Colombia is generally not a safe country and that's why many of you surround yourselves with electric fences, only to find out that those fences can't protect you from your own people. You are lucky enough to have no war of religion and ideology, it is only economic classes that separate you. Instead of building fences from your own people, it will be better to narrow the gaps and give everyone a fair chance to be successful so they have something to lose before deciding to jump over your fence.
Your crime problem is here to stay and will not be solved by Nobel prizes and peace treaties. I generally had luck traveling for 6 months without major incidents, other than one time where I was the only passenger in a bus that got robbed in the outskirts of Bucaramanga by a teenager with a pistol. Luckily, he looked at me and decided I don't look rich enough so he just robbed the driver of my 2,100 pesos ticket. Both the teenager and driver seemed to see this as a normal turn of events. The teenager had nothing to lose and the driver has no hope for change. Crime will only get worse, as the gaps widen between successful Colombians and those who are weak and left behind with their poverty, lack of education, and addictions. Colombia should prioritize giving those people more possibilities to narrow the gaps, and heavily invest in education and other informal programs that give young and older people a chance. Cheer those people and become their fans. At the same time, you should make sure criminals without hope are kept in jails. It was not their fault to be left neglected for dozens of years by bad governance and a lack of solidarity, but unfair as it is, you shouldn't let them back to your streets without a solution that makes sure they don't go back to crime.
I decided to visit Camarones in La Guajira for a break close to the sea and desert. While sitting and ordering a fish from one of the kiosks near the sea, a dog came close to my table. I felt sorry and gave it a few bones, then waited for it to leave. A few minutes later, a group of 7 small children started sitting around my table. They stared at me, and then had the courage to start eating the fish bones. The plate was clean after 2 minutes when they left. The Colombia I have seen in Medellin and Bogota is only one part of a wider picture, a very disturbing one. I left Camarones on the same day feeling sad, but also very lucky that I don't live there. Unfortunately, you can't do the same. I am 100% sure that if those children remain hungry, it will get back to you. People who have nothing to lose, children who are left neglected, will be Colombia's future problem. In a few years, you will see some of them defeated and asking you for money in the street, in a restaurant when you eat, or when you are parking your car. You will see the more entrepreneurial version of them with a gun/knife threatening you and your family for your belongings. You might even see the demagogue or charismatic version of one of them as your next populist leader demanding justice for all while destroying your economy and your past achievements. You can't keep yourself and your family isolated, safe, happy, and prosperous with fences – a chain is only as strong as its weakest link.


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Under the Skin, by Michel Faber/
This is a must read. It is one of the best novels about empathy I have ever read and also one of the best about industrial society as well as our relation to nature. I think it is actually THE best fiction in support of vegetarianism I have ever read, a bit surprising as Faber is not a vegetarian himself.
To get all the above was not something I expected from a science fiction novel I read as it was made into a movie. If you have seen the movie, with Scarlett Johansson, please forget that and read the book. If you have read the book, do not expect anything good from the book in the movie. While the movie has some good parts it feels most like a bad excuse to show Scarlet naked and explore some hidden camera work. Basically everything that made the book relevant and interesting is removed from the movie. The movie is not bad, it just have nothing to do with the book.
I was a bit disappointed in how the book ended, as it felt a little out of place. Instead of a small bang it should have ended with a long whimper. Fading out is how too many people live their lives and I think it would have been the perfect ending for the book.
Still, everything from how the characters look at nature to the way they exist in a system where they make their own personal suffering more important than the enormous suffering they are an active part of is fantastic. I often feel that people say things like "to capture the large in the small" as an excuse for not looking at the big picture, but here the details became not only a magnifying glass, but also a mirror. Judging from reviews I read, maybe it was too much of a magnifying glass/mirror for most? That the film (that I have to admit I feel very frustrated about) could drop all structural aspects and turn it into a small personal drama probably tells us more about our time than I want to admit.


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When I was 2nd grade of senior high school, my friends and I went to Bali. We were there for three days. I had many impressive experiences during the vacation. First day, we visited Sanur Beach in the morning. We saw the beautiful sunrise together. It was a great scenery. Then, we checked in to the hotel. After prepared our selves, we went to Tanah Lot. We met so many other tourists there.
They were not only domestic but also foreign tourists. Second day, we enjoyed the day on Tanjung Benoa beach. We played so many water sports such as banana boat, jetsky, speedboat etc. We also went to Penyu island to see many unique animals. They were turtles, snakes, and sea birds. We were very happy. In the afternoon, we went to Kuta Beach to see the amazing sunset and enjoyed the beautiful wave. The last day, we spent our time in Sangeh.
We could enjoy the green and shady forest. There were so many monkies. They were so tame but sometimes they could be naughty. We could make a close interaction with them. After that, we went to Sukowati market for shopping. That was my lovely time. I bought some Bali T-Shirt and souvenirs. In the evening, we had to check out from the hotel. We went back home bringing so many amazing memories of Bali.


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Amanda Peters
My interest in the paranormal began when I was pretty young. It started as a fascination with UFOs and aliens and bloomed into interest in ghosts, urban legends, unexplained stories, and all sorts of other mysteries. I became interested in investigating these things in 1999 when I spent some time in a local apartment complex which has long been rumored to have paranormal activity. In 2004, when the TV show "Ghost Hunters" hit the air, I realized that there were people out there who shared my interest in researching and unveiling the truth behind paranormal activity. MVP member and co-founder Becky Reid and I spent some time doing a few impromptu investigations in places that interested us because of a history of claims of activity and the results were amazing. It was enough to spark the interest for Becky to help form this group. While I became too busy with nursing school to participate in investigations anymore, my interest never waned. When the opportunity finally came again for me to be able to investigate with MVP, I jumped at the chance. I look forward to putting my "people skills" to work in future investigations and helping assist folks with claims of paranormal activity in their homes and businesses.


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Global China Studies
A flagship undergraduate program launched by the School of Humanities and Social Science in 2011
The Global China Studies program is designed as an ELITE program, which aims to broaden students' horizons and help them develop a unique portfolio of knowledge about China with a global outlook. This is achieved through multi- and inter-disciplinary training in humanities and social sciences, and through training in comparative and advanced research methods. Envisaged as a means to develop skills for future leadership, the program will train students in verbal and written communication, critical thinking, and analyzing social, cultural, historical, economic and political issues about China in relation to the modern world. The program will also help students enhance their understanding of their roles, rights, and obligations as citizens of Hong Kong and China and as members of the world community. The skills and capabilities learned from the major program will make our graduates suitable for positions in government, research institutions, business, education, community organizations, media and other cultural institutions.


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New York has some of the best cultural institutions in the world but they can be very expensive. But did you know that many of these institutions have programs that allow you to buy great tickets cheaply? Many museums are donation-based and pretty much all concerts and shows have either rush tickets or cheap tickets for young people. In this post, I'll go through the many ways to get tickets to performances on the cheap. The next post will be about going to museums and galleries cheaply.
The New York Philharmonic offers students rush tickets up to 10 days in advance online, which is an awesome deal. My favorite program, however, is the 35 under 35 program. This program allows you to buy as many $35 tickets as you like for 3 or more concerts (you have to attend at least 3 concerts) as long as you prove that you are under 35 years old. The tickets can be in any section (hello Orchestra and First Tier!) and you can choose from almost any concert at the Philharmonic. I've been able to see Joshua Bell, Gil Shaham, and will be going to a Yo-Yo Ma concert in the spring.
The Met Opera offers rush tickets for $25 for anyone Monday – Saturday at noon and 4 hours before the performance for Matinees. You can buy two tickets and the seats are in the Orchestra or First Tier. You have to buy them online via the Met website
American Ballet Theater has the 1829 program, which offers $30 ballet tickets for anyone between the ages of 18-29. You can buy tickets for $30 to 3 or more concerts (you have to buy at least 3). All the seats are orchestra-level and pretty much all of the ballets are available.
The New York City Ballet offers day-of tickets for $29 for anyone under 29. You can buy 2 tickets and the tickets are on sale when the box office opens.
Carnegie Hall has a subscriber program for $20 for people under 40 years old called the Notables. You pay a membership fee of $20 (on the Join the Notables page, click the Notables Prelude level). This gives you access to $20 tickets to see some of the best classical music soloists in the world. A newsletter is sent out each month listing the concerts available.
The Brooklyn Academy of Music offers students 29 and under and seniors 65 and over tickets for $10. You can purchase up to 2 tickets at the box office 90 minutes before the show starts. I love BAM; they have such great theater programs from different acting companies around the world.
The Theater for a New Audience offers $20 New Deal tickets to anyone under 30 or students of any age. You can buy them online with the promo code NEWDEAL. This theater performs a mix of Shakespeare and contemporary plays and it does it extremely well.
Many Broadway shows offer rush tickets for $25 on the day of the show at the box office. You can use Broadway Rush Report to see which shows have rush tickets and how likely it is to get tickets. Most recently, I've seen No Man's Land starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen using rush tickets!
Lastly, during the summer the Public Theater puts on Shakespeare in the Park. Amazing plays are performed at the Delacorte Theater (an outdoor theater, very cool to see theater under the stars) in Central Park. The actors in these plays are often marquee names from both Broadway and Hollywood. You can either line up starting very early outside of the box office or you can try to win tickets online through the virtual drawing (this is my preferred way).
Hope this was helpful! Stay tuned for my next post on museums…
Featured Image by Glyn Lowe


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New FavoriteThe MiMi is expensive, but I think it's worth every penny. I'm a grad student and don't have a lot of money, but I was so tired of buying cheaper toys and being disappointed. The MiMi should last me a very long time! I love it, my partner loves it... you really couldn't go wrong with this one.
Powerful, quiet, good for solo or couple play
Battery charge only lasts for about 2 hours
The MiMi is my new favorite toy. It looks very classy and isn't intimidating, so if either you or your partner haven't used many sex toys before this one will be perfect. The controls are easy to use (though you do have to press the buttons firmly) and the vibrations are strong. I need a lot of stimulation on my clit to get off, but I can turn this up to the highest vibration setting and I can come within a minute. I was amazed! The MiMi is very satisfying for solo play, but I especially love when my partner starts with low vibrations on my nipples and increases the intensity as he moves the toy down my stomach, reaching the highest setting when he finally puts it between my legs. Having him make me orgasm once with the toy and his fingers, and then keeping it on during intercourse, feels out-of-this-world amazing.
Material / Texture
I've had problems with silicone toys having a strange smell, but not with the MiMi. The texture is soft and almost velvety.
Design / Shape / Size
The MiMi is one classy toy. It looks like it could be a non-sexual personal massager, so I don't worry about keeping it too hidden. I just put it in a little box and stick it in my nightstand. I like how the MiMi is shaped a bit like a flattened egg, so I can use either the wide surface or, for more intensity, the narrow end. It fits nicely in my hand, and the controls fall right under my thumb.
Functions / Performance / Controls
The MiMi is very easy to use. There are just 2 buttons, a plus and a minus, that also double as magnets for the ingenious charger. There are no plugs or holes in the toy, so cleaning it is really easy. Press the plus button for a few seconds to turn it on, and hold the minus one to shut it off. The buttons aren't hard to work, but you will have to press firmly, and if you have long fingernails make sure to use the pad of your fingers. The MiMi is unusually quiet for how powerful it is, and even on the highest setting you can barely hear it under the covers!
Care and Maintenance
The MiMi is really easy to care for. Because the charger is magnetized, you don't have to worry about ruining the battery when you clean it, which you can do with some gentle soap and water. I don't generally use lube with a clit vibrator, but if you do, make sure it's water-based!
Everything about the MiMi screams classy, even the packaging. The box is black with "Je Joue" written on the top in silver, and it's closed with a black ribbon. I keep the toy in its box in my nightstand when it's not in use. There aren't many instructions included with it, but I think the MiMi is pretty easy to use and doesn't require a lot of explanation.
Personal comments
The MiMi has become my go-to toy. The variety of settings can provide anything from a gentle teasing to a powerful, uncontrollable orgasm. When I saw how small it was I was worried it wouldn't deliver, but I was wrong!
My partner and I love this toy. He enjoys giving me oral, but it takes a lot for me to get off and now he can easily use the MiMi when his jaw gets tired. Or, if he wants to finger me and kiss me at the same time, this toy can push me right over the edge. He said he likes feeling the vibrations when he's inside of me, and since I usually can't climax without some kind of clitoral stimulation the MiMi allows both of us to be satisfied at the same time.
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text: The San Diego Chargers weren't supposed to make the postseason, but they did. Winning on the road against the Cincinnati Bengals wasn't the most likely of scenarios as well, but a patient and smart gameplan that focused on running the ball and kept Philip Rivers from taking unnecessary risks led them to their first playoff win in over five years. More


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It is with great honor and respect to announce that I will be running the 2019 Boston Marathon for the CU Kids at Heart Team, raising money for Boston Children's Hospital. The 2018 Boston Marathon was supposed to be my last marathon for the foreseeable future. When I was asked to run again, the hesitation was not for the fear of running, but for the fear of not being able to achieve last years fundraising level. That hesitation lasted a split second, realizing that raising any amount of money is better than raising no amount at all. So here we go again!
Let's talk about my son, and my patient partner, Jackson. He, along with all of the other children battling illnesses and diseases, is the reason why I am so passionate about raising money for research efforts for Boston Children's Hospital. As many of you already know, my son Jackson is both a stroke and Moyamoya disease survivor. On March 17, 2013, Jackson (17 months old) suffered a massive, ischemic stroke to the right side of his brain leaving him left sided weakened. Doctors worked night and day to try and determine the root cause of his stroke. Jackson lived at Boston Children's Hospital (BCH) and Spaulding Rehabilitation Center for 48 days where he underwent rigorous PT, OT and speech therapy. The care and services he received at BCH saved his life.
Three months after his stroke, Jackson was diagnosed with a rare, progressive brain disease called Moyamoya. This disease affects 1 in 120,000 people. In order to survive, Jackson un- derwent his first bilateral brain surgery, on September 11, 2013 at BCH, to restore blood flow to the brain. On September 8, 2015, Jackson underwent his second brain surgery to restore blood flow to the section of the brain where the disease had spread. We feel so fortunate to live so close to BCH where Dr. Smith practices. Dr. Smith can be credited with perfecting the procedure, Pial Synangiosis, that ultimately saves children with Moyamoya disease. Not only does Dr. Smith save the lives of children with Moyamoya, he also devotes countless hours of time to his research efforts for Momaymoya diseases and other neurological illnesses. Dr. Smith's passion and commitment to Moyamoya research is truly awe-inspiring.
I am honored to run the 2019 Boston Marathon with the CU Kids at Heart Team. This will be my third time running with the CU Kids at Heart Team, but my family has been a part of the team for six years. Established in 1996, by Jane Melchionda, the CU Kids at Heart Team is dedicated to helping children, receiving care at BCH, lead healthy and happy lives. For the past several years, the CU Kids at Heart Team has worked closely with the scientists and doctors at BCH to fund special research activities aimed at the prevention, treatment, and/or cure of pediatric neurological diseases, including Sturge-Weber Syndrome, Moyamoya disease, Cerebral Palsy, pediatric brain cancer and epilepsy research. Each runner is paired with a patient partner child who is receiving care at BCH. Many of the patient partners have extraordinary medical challenges, but also possess great spirit, strength, courage and determination. These incredible children, who overcome their own challenges every day, inspire the runners to achieve personal goals that they never thought possible. I am proud to say my patient partner is my son, Jackson. I am amazed at all he has accomplished over the past 5 years since his initial stroke. He inspires me each day and helps me strive to be a better person. Last year, CU Kids at Heart donated $140,000 to Dr. Smith for Moyamoya research. This year, the funds that I raise will be put towards another $100,00+ donation that the team is planning to make for Moyamoya research. This will make over $700,000 that has been donated for Dr. Smith's research efforts, in six years time! That is an amazing amount of money, and I cannot thank the CU Kids at Heart Team for being as passionate about Moyamoya research as I am.
Please support my fundraising efforts and Dr. Smith's important research efforts for Moyamoya disease. As Children's Hospital says: "Until every child is well."
To donate in honor of this runner, please call the CU Kids at Heart coordinator at 800.428.1144, Ext. 3320, or mail a check to: CU Kids at Heart, 35 Corporate Drive, Suite 300, Burlington, MA 01803. Please make checks payable to "CU Kids at Heart" and add the name(s) of the runner(s) in the check's subject line.


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Saturday, October 26, 2013
Candy Alternatives
Every year my kids come home with a TON of candy for Halloween, and a cold shortly afterwards. Of course, sugar is all sorts of bad for you, and though I love the fun of Trick-or-treating, I'm not so keen on the volume of sugar consumption that follows (even when I limit it). But there are some kids who can't even have sugar (for various reasons), so I like to have offer some non-candy treats in my bowl.
So, if you're still shopping to fill your Halloween bowls, here are a few non-candy alternatives, and some places you can find them locally.
Glow Bracelets and Other Glow Items
I give out glow bracelets every year, and trick-or-treaters LOVE them. Plus they make my bowl look super snazzy. I like to wedge them, unbent, in my candy bowl so it looks like a glowing light display (make sure to stick the attachment so they can make them into bracelets on first). You can get 15 glow bracelets for $1 in round tubes at Target or Micheals (at Wally's Party Factory you will pay $5 for them so don't get them there). Target also has a ton of other glow stuff (from fingernails to tops) but those are a little more expensive.
Party Horns
Both the noisemakers and the quieter one like pictured below are fun, cheap, and also look super cools sticking out of a candy bowl. I offered these first because I had some left over from a birthday party, and didn't know if anyone would take them, but a lot of the kids really loved them. The cheapest I've seen these is at Walmart, though you can get them at nearly any grocery store or party store.
Temporary Tattoos
Targets $1 section has temporary tattoos $3 for 20. Somewhat popular but not as cheap as some other items.
Silly Bands
I had these one Halloween, and they were somewhat well liked. Not sure where's the best place to get them this year.
Vampire Teeth
Target has glowing vampire teeth, 8 for $1.
I've tried these, but I've got to say they weren't as popular with kids. If you want them you can find them really cheap in the Target $1 section.
Other Plastic Flotsam
There are all sort of other plastic flotsam, erasers, and other stuff to be found at Targets $1 section, Dollar General, Walmart, HEB, Wally's Party Factory and other party stores.
So, have you tried non-candy treats in your halloween bowl? What did you try and how well did it go over with trick-or-treaters?
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