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Inoue Takehiko is an important mangaka (mangaka is the Japanese word for a comic artist) born in Kyushu in 1967. During his student years he practiced BasketBall. This Sport became the main topic in his work .The main attribute of his drawingis the realism, shown in the human body proportions.
He first got noticed with Kaede Purple, a manga centered around Basketball, and it also allowed him to win the Tezuka Show award.
His first "Big Hit" came in 1990, with Slam Dunk. This manga become the most sold of all times (until another manga, One Piece, took the champion title). With it`s great succes on paper it was inevitable anime (Japanese animation) adaptation, which received considerable acceptance but whole story didn`t get animated. Slam Dunk was extended by 31 volumes of collected works, is a work of great quality graphics and a treatment that combined emotional and realistic basketball with a boundless sense of humor that made it very popular.
After finishing with Slam Dunk, Inoue made a work also focused on basketball, but in a futuristic way, called Buzzer Beater moderately successful. He made several short mangas, among them Piercing. However, it achieved another great success until he began to publish Vagabond, a story based on the life of Miyamoto Musashi (a legendary warrior of Japanese culture) which continues to publish today and that helped him win a lot of awards granted many by the same Japanese government.
Currently he is alternating the publication of Vagabond with Real, focused on the world of wheelchair basketball.
Inoue is today considered one of the largest and most respected manga artists in the industry, so much that not only delved into the manga if not also in advertising, well known is the ONE campaign in which he participated as an actor, artist and director.
In my opinion, whether you like manga (Japanese comic) or not, Inoue Takehiko is an incredible illustrator, given the quality of his work he can be admired not only by lovers of good stories if not also for those who like the illustration as an art. If you want to know more about Inoue, check his web site: http://www.itplanning.co.jp/.


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It's an unfortunate truth that even when businesses can see the value in the User Experience process, they are scared off by the perceived time and money investment. However, there are clever ways to reduce your financial and time-related costs.
You need to measure the success of previous designs through testing but you also need the qualitative research to inform your future design. So why not do both concurrently?
The Value of Usability Testing
Watching users try to accomplish tasks on your site is the most effective and efficient way to uncover usability problems. From there you can be assured that any redesigns are actually solving problems.
The Value of Research
Knowing your users before you design for them is essential for optimising their experience and achieving your product goals.
There is immense value in observing, inquiring and interviewing with users. Qualitative research tells us how users interact with products, their real problems and can reveal practical insights for design opportunities.
Usability testing and qualitative research in combination
All projects benefit from multiple research methods and from combining insights.
When usability testing results are paired with qualitative research data from the same user, behavioural and attitudinal data can be analysed in tandem to inform insightful design recommendations. This will ultimately improve the product experience in a more comprehensive way.
This is not some big, expensive methodology
Ideally, all products or services should undergo research, design and measurement prior to build or launch. But doing any one of these, in any order, yields huge benefits to the product. By doing them together you can get rapid results that will ensure successful designs.

subset: commoncrawl


text: On Wed, Sep 30, 2009 at 20:17, surreal <email@example.com> wrote: > This might seem lame but still, I would like to know about compiling a > custom kernel using debian lenny. > > the usual /usr/src/linux-2.6.N/make menuconfig;make ;make > modules_install;make bzImage;make install dosent seem to work. > > It only copies vmlinux* and bzImage file into /boot, but initrd and img > files are missing.. > > why? The above method used to work perfectly in RH derived distros, in > debian it seems diff... Something like that should work, I have done it before, but you can do it the Debian Way, and get an actual .deb, as well as saving some steps. http://kernel-handbook.alioth.debian.org/ch-common-tasks.html#s-common-building Cheers, Kelly Clowers


text:
Lock It Straps 3 Inch Nylon Guitar Straps offer superb strength, adequate comfort and shoulder slip, easy cleanability and the least amount of maintenance. The polypro straps represent the very best value, quality and entry level into our locking technology. Traditionally, polypro straps have served the industry uncompromisingly and still do. These straps cover the widest range of use.
The 3" nylon strap with locking black ends is made from the same space age polymer used in bulletproof helmets and vests, Lock-It Straps provide durability and reliability, every time, all the time! Forget having to drill into your prized acoustic or vintage electric, because Lock-It Straps work easily with your existing end-pins to provide a secure, fashionable accessory for any prized instrument.
Poly straps are adjustable from 36" (91 cm) to 60" (152 cm).
WARNING: Cancer and Reproductive Harm - www.P65Warnings.ca.gov.
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What started as a simple string and pedal sales catalog has grown exponentially over the past thirty years. The early days were a time where catalogs didn't have much of a presence in the industry, but what began as a college dorm room operation grew rapidly. In 1986 we moved to a full product offering and 64-page catalog, which over the years has grown to 162 pages. Join the AMS family and get your free catalog now!
Copyright © 1996-2019 American Musical Supply, Inc. All rights reserved. American Musical Supply reserves the right to correct pricing and/or product specifications in the event of typographical errors found in our print catalog or on our website. If a product is listed at an incorrect price due to such errors or because of inaccurate information received from a supplier, American Musical Supply shall have the right to refuse or cancel any orders placed, whether or not the order has been confirmed and your credit card charged. If your credit card has already been charged for the purchase and your order is canceled, American Musical Supply will issue a credit to your credit card account in the amount of the charge.


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Jorge Ortiz
registered psychologist
also offering therapy in Spanish
As a therapist, I use my natural curiosity as a way to understand my client's struggles, so that I can help them lead a happier, more fulling life. I am currently a Registered Provisional Psychologist in the Province of Alberta. I completed my undergraduate in Psychology at the University of Alberta and my Masters in Counselling Psychology through Yorkville University. I have 19 years of experience working in mental health and addictions. I am passionate about helping adults, youth, couples and families recover from loss and heal from painful events in their life.
Areas of Practice
Eating disorders
Polysubstance abuse, including drug, alcohol or gambling
Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Life transitions
Relationship issues and couples communication
My approach follows a trauma informed framework, relying on evidenced based and culturally sensitive practices. I always seek to provide a non-judgmental, client centered and solution focused therapeutic environment. I have completed training in the following areas:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Family Systems
Motivational Interviewing Level I
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy
Narrative Therapy
favourite quote
"I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious"
– Albert Einstein
For more information,
or to schedule a session:
Text: 780-460-0022
More About My specialties[ Open All | Close All ]
Intimate relationships are one of the closest we have as humans. However a growing number of couples are experiencing separation, divorce and ongoing custody battles. Common struggles may include financial stress,...read more
- Communicate more effectively
- Enhance emotional connection
- Better understand one another
- Strengthen your relationship Conflict cannot always be avoided in relationships because no two people are exactly alike. However you can have a more meaningful, compassionate and peaceful intimate relationship with your partner or spouse. .
Some people have endured traumatic events in their life that have affected their sense of worth, identity and safety. Some of these issues may have occurred once, as in the case of assault, chronic illness, and exposure to catastrophic events. ...read more
Research shows that in any given year, 1 in 5 Canadians experience a mental health or addiction problem. Working in both outpatient and inpatient clinics, as well as residential treatment centers,...read more
- Understand the type and effects of drugs on the body
- Address mental health issues that may have encouraged substance dependence
- Create a robust relapse prevention plan and understand sobriety options
- Understand the impact of mindfulness, exercise and diet on recovery planning
Adolescence is a time of dramatic change. Today's teenagers may experience significant stress, depression and anxiety issues. As a result, their school performance, quality of relationships and personal wellbeing may deteriorate....read more
- Increase communication and reduce family conflict
- Develop SMART goals and create a safety plan
- Learn strategies to address serious mental health issues
- Increase youth engagement and motivation As a parent, Jorge fully realizes that caring for teenagers is indeed challenging. However by learning these skills your teen will feel heard, understood, and as a result your relationship will grow stronger.


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On May 30, Carlos Treviño, CEO of PEMEX, led the agenda of PEMEX Farmout Day, an event held in Houston. During the event, seven blocks were presented for the upcoming farmout bidding process to take place on Oct. 31. The soon-to-be tendered blocks are: The Artesa, Bedel Gasífero, Bacal Nelash, Cinco Presidentes, Giraldas Sunapa, Juspi […]Continue Reading →
Shells makes a new discovery in the GoM, Hokchi Energy sets the bar high for private operators and Jaguar E&P and Vista Oil & Gas sign the first private farmout in Mexico's history. Meanwhile, PEMEX snaps out from a hefty fine and CNH takes another step in raising the interest in IOR and EOR […]Continue Reading →
Oil and Gas associations stress the importance to protect the industry's development in a document directed to the presidential candidates, CRE announce the relaunching of an open season for PEMEX and American oil giant Conoco Phillips corners the Venezuelan government by confiscating two cargo shipments.
Eager to see how the industry is going? Continue […]Continue Reading →
Conoco Phillips seizes Caribbean assets of Petroleos de Venezuela (PDVSA) to force the state-run company to pay US$2 billion for the concept of damages caused to the American oil giant by the Venezuelan government's unilateral step to nationalize hydrocarbons assets back in 2007, under the government of late president Hugo Chavez.
The resolution emitted […]Continue Reading →


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ABCs of Food
ABCs of Food
Boost your Energy, Confidence, and Success with the Power of Nutrition!
Patricia Conlin spent years studying to become a Registered Nutritionist and also researching the top foods that promote health, energy and success – all of which is shared in her book: ABCs of Food.
The book also includes an invaluable food guide outlining the nutrients and benefits of most major foods and any natural remedies that may be useful. She covers a range of relevant topics in this informative and easy to read book from anti-cancer foods to ways to boost our intelligence and why we should support our local farmers. She writes in enough detail to "wet our appetites" for more, tells fun stories, and gives interesting food facts along the way for each letter of the alphabet. This book is a must read for anyone who cares about their health or the health of their community.


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Is the House of Prayer a valid modern expression within the body of Christ that both honors the Word of God and gives expression to the prophetic trajectory of that body? I believe that the House of Prayer is a most appropriate and realistic modern expression for the following reasons.
It is appropriate because it primarily exists to declare the incredible worth of the nature and beauty of God. This stands in stark contrast to the world and its value system which advertises all manner of important "must haves." It asks not, "What can I come and get," but, "What can I come and give?"
Further, it's expression is the only realistic response we may have as finite creatures that must eat and sleep. No single person can worship God day and night. Which begs the question, how few or how many people can adequately worship God in light of the following ideas?
God called His house a "House of Prayer," and this He knew and named with both our fragility and His glory in mind. With our vaporous existence and limitations of natural strength a House of Prayer is what was concocted in the mind of God. It is the perfectly constructed place for those children adopted into His glorious nature and family.
Just as a father adopting children makes provisions that adequately meet the needs and purposes of those He brings into his household, so the Heavenly Father constructed the optimal place of relationship and belonging and named it "A House of Prayer for all nations."
But, why prayer and worship? What can we really give God? What glory can we really add to Him whose glory possess no bounds? What good or merciful deed can we do for the Author of goodness and mercy that would impress Him or adequately convey those attributes to another?
None. This why incense is repeatedly used in scripture to denote our worship before God. It is portrayed as incense simply because it is for the enjoyment of the God to whom it is offered.
In God's dwelling, when the confines of sin, death and common mortality are put off we see the life and activity of those constituents. What do they do? What do they say? When do they say it? The answer is found in Rev. 4:8 – unceasing worship and adoration of God. This is not a novel expression but a necessary and practical one.


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The Limitless Loving Leadership 2013 calendar provides daily ideas to guide reflective, purposeful leaders on their leadership journey. Examples include:
January 23 – Approach the possibility of failure with an open heart and mind
February 13 – Keep an open mind and a fluid heart
March 2 – Appreciate the hard work that others do
April 12 – Be aware of all of your actions today
May 25 – Detach from the goal and engage in the process
June 18 – Practice patience
The calendar costs $21.99 but you can save up to 30% through November 23 by using the promotional code CHRONICLE at checkout.
Click here to purchase a calendar for yourself, a colleague, your boss, and a friend!
The Fruition Coalition also has a Social+ 2013 Calendar with daily tips about how to have a net positive social impact through our daily decisions, actions, and interactions. The sale applies to both calendars.


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News briefs
Area wide
Send holiday cheer: Habitat for Humanity Cabarrus County's Gift From the Heart holiday card program is under way. To participate, send a minimum donation of $5 per greeting card, along with names and addresses. Habitat will send cards to recipients or to you for personalization. Ends Dec. 19. 704-786-4001, ext. 104.
Area wide
Gang prevention funds: Up to $75,000 from the federal American Recovery Reinvestment Act is available through the Cabarrus County Juvenile Crime Prevention Council for gang prevention. Contact Rich Smith at 704-788-2941 or email@example.com; or Scott Stoker at 704-786-5611, firstname.lastname@example.com
Area wide
Empty Stocking Fund: The Cooperative Christian Ministries and the Cannon Memorial YMCA are working to provide toys and assistance with heating costs for families who need assistance. Donations can be dropped off at any Cabarrus YMCA branch.
New Habitat house: Habitat Cabarrus is currently building its 125th home, sponsored by Wachovia, in the Magnolia Crossing subdivision in Concord. The house is on schedule to be completed in January.


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More on Fake Blood and Research Ethics
For more information on all of this, see two publications from the ever-impressive American Journal of Bioethics -- their recent open letter to IRBs and their piece about race and Polyheme launched the media coverage of this issue and finally brought these questions to the public's attention. Bravo to them.
Labels: Bioethics: General, Research Ethics, Science and Risk, Science News


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Your Custom Text Here
The wonderfully theatrical Dance of the Dead is the greatest funeral party you'll ever have the pleasure of attending. Just like they do down in old Mexico, you'll be gathered to celebrate the departed in one spectacularly wild and vibrant fiesta!
Every song is from a deceased artist – as the DJs let loose some spine tingling remixes and rare bootlegs from the likes of MJ, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Nirvana, Amy Winehouse, T-Rex, Whitney Houston, Bob Marley, 2Pac, Queen, INXS, Rick James, Buddy Holly, Joy Division, Jimi Hendrix, James Brown, Bowie and Prince just to name a few!
If that wasn't enough thrills and spills already, then you can also select from our pool of cabaret acts, including Elvis Corpsley arriving in a white and silver studded coffin to take to the stage and perform a medley of his greatest hits along with much much more.
You'll also find other shenanigans along the way like face painting stations, fiery latino comperes hosting party games such as: chilli eating competitions, tequila shots, mexican waves and of course the piñata smash-up, as well as some of London's best cabaret performers embracing other 'gone but not forgotten' legends.
We have made appearance's at Mahiki, Queen of Hoxton, Shoreditch House and Besitval. Not to forget also making an appearance at Wahaca's Day of the Dead festival.
To book Dance of the Dead for private parties or festivals email firstname.lastname@example.com


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Continuo Frame
A new frame that continues to impress
Continuo Frame Continuous is the space between the door and the frame. Continuous is the surface. A new frame model of minimal and linear structure, the result of a quest for maximum functionality and simplicity. Continuo plays with the coplanarity door, the effect is a pleasant smooth surface, either in the push or pull versions. The ideal solution for those who desire a practical frame that merges seamlessly with the wall.
© 2019 FerreroLegno - P. Iva 00666220041 - Company Info - Privacy


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Most of us are employed "at will" in Pennsylvania (and, as I understand it, in every state in America except California).
There are basically only 2 exceptions to this rule: 1) you are part of a Union (in which case you can only be fired in accordance with the terms of the Collective Bargaining Agreement, which usually provide for "progressive discipline"), or 2) if you have a contract providing that you will be employed for a period of years unless you engage in "for cause" conduct that will result in your termination [(the most common example of this is found in professinal sports - if you have ever heard about a team still paying a player or manager who it terminated last year, that is because the player/manager had a contract for a period of years and was terminated for "poor performance" as opposed to because he/she engaged in "for cause" conduct].
Employment At Will - Defined
If you are employed at will, you can be fired for any reason: a good reason (you did not show up for work for 3 days, you embezzled money, you were late 15 times in a month, etc.), a bad reason (someone said something about you that was untrue and the company believed it, the boss is a jerk and does not like you, the boss likes someone more than you, you are incorrectly perceived as incompetent, etc.) or no reason at all (economic layoff, shut down of a department).
People generally understand that they can be fired for a "good reason", or no reason at all - it is getting fired for a "bad reason" that perplexes and angers us (and for good reason!).
The Exceptions to the Employment At Will Doctrine
There are exceptions to the "at will" principle in Pennsylvania (and throughout the United States) - the doctrine of wrongful termination (the attached Article gives a nice overview of the wrongful termination principle in Pennsylvania - if you fit into any of these categories, you should consult with counsel), unlawful discrimination or retaliation, violation of the FMLA or FLSA, etc. It is those exceptions that lead to litigation - it is those exceptions that we litigate every day in our office.
Otherwise, the battle about whether your termination was justified is waged in the unemployment compensation department, where the issue is whether the company can prove that you did, in fact, engage in the willful misconduct that was the bad reason for which you were (allegedly) terminated. Our experience in unemployment hearings is that an employer very often cannot actually prove you did anything wrong.
The at will doctrine is among the most difficult to understand because we all believe (and justifiably) that we are entitled to be treated fairly if we are dedicated employees. However, sadly, that is not the truth for most of us at will employees in Pennsylvania (or throughout the Country).


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Frozen Assets tournament at the Superslots CasinoJanuary 10, 2011, 11:57 am (8 years ago)
The English harbor group operates more than half a dozen of the most admired casinos that are situated worldwide. Each month the group nominates any one of the brand as the casino of the month. Super Slots online casino has got this honor for the month of January.
The game of the month at the amazing casino is the Winter Wonderland. All the activities of the snowy season is depicted in the form of symbols at the reels. Many players have already accepted it as the ideal game for the month. All the players wagering on the Winter Wonderland for the month will be offered twice the usual loyalty points.
Super Slots casino is known for hosting some of the most exciting of the online tournaments. The one that is running for the longest duration is the Frozen Assets that is endowed with a winter theme. The slots tournament has already instigated on 1st January and will be active till 31st January.
The tournament at the casino offers a guaranteed prize pool. The prize pool for the tournaments is a massive $25,000 and the top two players will earn $7,500 and $5,000 respectively.
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Experience the wonders of Ko Olina.
The Kapolei region is the jewel of Oahu. Postcard-perfect scenery and natural wonders abound in this fertile island paradise. Perhaps it's the hypnotic sway of the palms, the mesmerizing shimmer of azure lagoons or the near perfect year-round climate that makes this area so alluring. Whatever it is, surrounded by gentle trade winds and unsurpassed beauty, relaxation in Kapolei is something that comes naturally.
Championship golf
Several magnificent courses in the area make the Kapolei region a golfer's paradise.
Shopping & dining
Enjoy shopping in Honolulu at the world's largest open-air shopping mall, and tantalize your senses with spicy island fare at local restaurants.
From famous Waikiki Beach and the iconic Diamond Head to the Dole Plantation and the magnificent North Shore waves, Oahu has something for everyone.
Water fun
Glorious sunrises and astonishing sunsets flank heavenly days filled with walks on the beach, drinks by the pool and rides in the surf. Whether spending a day at the beach or enjoying a romantic sunset sail out of the Ko Olina Marina, you'll never lack for something fun to do in Kapolei.
Owner favorites
- Learn and pay tribute at Pearl Harbor
- Watch surfers tackle North Shore waves
- Experience Honolulu and Waikiki
- Snorkel at Hanauma Bay
- Enjoy the view from Diamond Head
- Kick back on Kailua Beach
- Visit the Dole Plantation


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I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Well, your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Well, baby, I've been here before.
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah
Well, there was a time when you'd let me know
What's really going on below,
But now you never show that to me, do you?
But remember when I moved in you,
And the Holy Ghost was moving too,
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Well, maybe there is a God above,
But all that I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you.
It's not a cry that you hear at night,
And it is not somebody who has seen the light
It's a cold and it is a broken Hallelujah
-Leonard Cohen
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
100th Post... Me and God
Posted by Angel Renee at 7:09 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A Welcome Visit
with their new baby. That made my day! Little miss
Willow is a prefect little human, looks a lot like Amity-
except when she cries, she looks like her dad!!! :)
Amity and I talked a lot about the birth experience, and
I think I'm very excited for that when the time comes. For
now, I'm so glad that I didn't get married all those times
my step dad pushed me too. I know if it had gone according
to plans, I would have 2 or 3 little ones by now and be stuck in
the Quirverfull system for good.
Posted by Angel Renee at 9:27 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Friday, December 25, 2009
In A Very Firm Strain
Okay, so I've been increasingly more open minded as I recover from a past of judgmental, cult-like families, but I'm going to take a stand here and now on one subject.
I came across an old 60 minute transcript reviewing Laura Doyle's book 'The Surrendered Wife'. In the transcript, they discuss a passage taken from the book. Laura explains how she teaches her daughter regarding her husband, Jesse:
"We talk a lot about Jesse's, 'He's your daddy and you're supposed to obey your daddy and we want to honour him and we want to respect him'. And just talking about why we are cleaning. We want to have a clean house so that we can honor Daddy because Daddy likes the house to be clean. Put it right there. Do you know why we're making the fruit pizza? We're making it for Daddy. We want to please him. We want to do special things for him. Daddy's the king of our home, isn't he? ..."
According to the reporter, this 2 year old daughter is 'in training' to follow in her mother's footsteps as a surrendered wife. Instantly alarm bells went off and everything in me went No, no, no. Absolutely wanted to vomit. I DO have an opinion on this one subject, and it is a very strong one.
It is NOT right to teach girls from the time they are toddlers that someone deserves respect simply because they have a penis. That child's father should get his fruit pizza because Daddy works hard to take care of her, or because Daddy loves her very much and they do things for him because they love him, too, or because it feels good inside to make Daddy happy. And his daughter should respect him because he has integrity, or because he treats her respectfully, or because he sacrifices for them.
Teaching her that a man – even a father - deserves respect because Mama chooses to make Daddy the ultimate center of her world is absolutely not right. If Mom wants to be a surrendered wife, so be it and I hope she is happy with that choice, of course. She can let Dad make the parenting decisions and she can help enforce them. But it is not okay to teach her children (her daughters) that this way of life is anything beyond her choice as an adult.
Taking future choices away from any girl by teaching her that she doesn't have future choices in education, religion, occupation or parenting devalues her intelligence, belittles her ability to choose with the same considerate thoughtfulness we did, and ignores the basic human rights we advocate for so many other oppressed women throughout the world.
I say all this with a degree of indignation and with a certain degree of sadness. My mother sought a better way of life for us girls than she had experienced. She and my step dad adopted a unique lifestyle that was meant to protect the kids from the evils of the world. We were raised explicitly in the line of thinking that Laura Doyle's book promotes. If I at any point along the way had aspired higher education or a career, that goal was immediately repressed with guilt. After all, a stay at home mother is the only blessed life God would allow a woman to have.
That was only one of many rigorously high standards we were expected to keep. Fraternizing with any family who was not like us was out of the question. This caused all of us kids to grow up very judgmental of nearly everyone. The most completely miserable aspect was that of being a female. Even though I could clearly see that my mother was the more capable and more fit parent, she insisted that dad was in charge. And even when my stepfather clearly overstepped boundaries that exist in a healthy father/daughter relationship, causing my utter hatred of him, STILL it was reiterated that I show nothing but respect and admiration for him. Respect that had long disappeared with his unjust actions. Admiration that was impossible to find in my heart.
I will not – I refuse to – raise my daughter to be a replica of me. I will not seek to pass on my personality or lifestyle because it's the one that makes me happy. And yes, I do realize that this is a controversial subject, and I'm no longer a fan of controversy and debates. In the case of this subject, however, I feel no guilt in posting about it because for me there is no controversy. This is a rock solid conviction that Aaron and I stand on, and there is no solid argument in favor if this practice as far as I am concerned.
Dedicated to my future daughter/daughters... I vow that you will have a choice in what your life shapes up to be.
Posted by Angel Renee at 5:37 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Thursday, December 24, 2009
I wish that there were a huge celebration for all the family-less people in the world. Not only the ones who physically have families, but also for those who just have been displaced.
This time of year used to be my absolute favorite. My mom made sure to go all out with decor, singing, and general merry-making. We would never make less than 6 dozen cookies. Christmas spirit had a huge influence on me. Once my aunt came 3 hours to stay with us after getting in a huge fight with her husband. That Christmas, my step dad was stressed, and he and my aunt screamed all the way through the holiday. And I still loved it. Even the year I was 10, when my mom was hugely fat and pregnant, and Warren was intolerable, I remember making cookies with the midwife's daughter and having a blast, almost ignoring his mood.
As the one good memory from my childhood, this holiday stubbornly holds a special spot in my heart. Which is why now, despite everything I've done to protect myself, my heart feels like a hole was punched into the middle of it.
Because this year, there is no Christmas. The kids put up a tree, but well over half the decorations we always put up are gone. Christmas cards were not sent, and there are no cookies. The children are all gone to Lincoln.
Two nights ago, my sister and I went shopping for the little ones and each other. It was the most Christmas spirit I've shared this winter. We put aside our differences and watched a movie, made the peanut butter cookies with a Hershey's kiss in the middle, and wrapped presents. I think between the 2 of us, we could keep Christmas alive in our family, if we really tried.
My boyfriend called to tell me how many gifts he got for Christmas. Now he's at his grandparent's, getting ready for some really amazing food and 'quality family time'. Our new housemate told me that his parents give him 'some $500' to buy his own gifts. My friends from long ago are at their house right now, playing with the one present each that they let the kids open early.
I'm sure if they knew what that did to me, they wouldn't tell me. Or they would invite me to partake in their festivities. Which is touching, but like I've tried explaining, I would be the outsider no matter what way you looked at it. Christmas is totally a family thing.
That's why I propose a family-less people's Christmas. Where we can all cry a little bit, and miss our families. Where we can talk about how alone we would be if we didn't have each other. And then we could all eat a good supper, open some gifts, and commence in merry-making and laughter.
It hurts more the more I think about it, so I'm going to pull myself together now. Remind myself that it could be much worse, and then make some brownies and watch a movie or scoop some snow or something. Merry Christmas, my dear readers! I'll be back to my normal, composed self on December 26th.
Posted by Angel Renee at 2:23 PM 3 comments Links to this post
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Inside My Head, Installment #4
myself. I don't like to generally. Today flew by
really fast. I spent a lot of it cleaning the house up. Then
I got online and instantly got bored. haha
SO good today! Yesterday my sis was here too. I don't
hang out with her much, it was nice.
If I could be alone on an island for 20 years, I would. As
long as I had a sandbox full of words. I'd just write
all day, meaningless nothings. It would be more interesting
than trying to communicate with some people, anyway.
1. If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
2. President Kennedy was the fastest random speaker in the world with upwards of 350 words per minute.
3. According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction.
4. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C. Ew!
5. The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.
That's it. I'm too bored to concentrate on this anymore.
Posted by Angel Renee at 6:41 PM 1 comments Links to this post
Monday, December 21, 2009
Inside My Head, Installment #3
I love being out of town; there is a certain peace about knowing I'll waste gas if I just run out, so I get to justify hanging out all day doing nothing.
I didn't even wake up until 11 am. When I did get up, I read books, moved Aaron's stuff, Hung up stuff, posted pictures, and did nothing until 6:30. Then I had to go to my little sister's concert. About that... I learned something tonight. Our 3rd grade homeschool choir was impressionably better than Norfolk's Junior High choir. Not only did we know how to harmonize, but we were using sign language to emphasize our songs.
I was in LOVE with my choir teacher. Memories of her are my favorite from my childhood. She used to have long, beautiful hair, and if I whispered in her ear, it would fall all over my upturned face. Kind of weird that I remember it so clearly, but I was in love with her voice, and everything else about her. So... yeah.
A few friends and I also watched the Princess and the Frog tonight, and it was beyond amazing. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to watch a super movie. I loved every second of it. Half the time, I was comparing characters in the movie to people in past Disney animations ("look, it's Edgar from Aristocats!!!"), and the other half I was wishing they would remake all the old movies to look as great as this one.
Want to hear some really deep thoughts I've been having... since it is so close to Christmas, I had to think about what I would do this holiday. I kind of thought about going to church, but besides that, I had no ideas. My mom is probably doing nothing, she is having Christmas burnout, apparently, and the kids went to their dad's. So I'm out a family for Christmas. Not like I had to be, I suppose. Because Aaron's family invited me to theirs.
Problem is, I felt something towards his family that scared me away big time. A few months ago, Aaron's dad was filling up my car tire, and he said that since I was one of his kids now, he was going to do car upkeep for me. And that, coupled with an amazing summer with his mom and dad, stirred up a lot of fond emotions inside me like an explosion.
Bad, bad idea.
That night I had a dream I was still with the Campbells. I woke up crying, but the memories kept rushing in. One of the Campbell girls was married to a cowboy, a true Southern, gentle, man. He was a quiet, unassuming, big protective bear. And I saw in him what I had always wanted in a dad. My idea of a good dad was this guy right here:
His name is Guy Penrod. And this guy was a lot like him. He was my father figure-in my dreams. But one day (in real life!), he was introducing his family, and he turned to me and told his friends, "and this is my oldest girl, Angel. I used to say I would only have 5 kids, but I adopted our 6th because she is my daughter in my heart." Oh snap. I melted into a bliss.
Guess what? He's not around anymore. My mom and her 'religion' messed that all up for me. He got scared of our family and never tried to talk to me again after I moved away. It was a hell on Earth, but then, I was used to that back then.
Not now. I would rather die all alone than be rejected like that again. I don't need a dad. I don't WANT a dad. So why does it bother me so much? It's because I know deep down that I'm bullshitting myself. I know I still want a father. How many times have I been tortured by thoughts of my wedding day and the fact that I'll walk down the aisle alone? How often have I wished I had a dad to talk to about Aaron, and guy stuff, and just to love? And to me, Aaron's dad seems to be made of really good dad material. I'd love to be his kid, to have any dad who cared that much.
So, that makes it a little awkward for me when I'm around his family anymore. Because I start caring too much. I'm trying to convince myself I need to be a loner. I like giving off the appearance of being strong and alone. I wish I could pull it off more convincingly. I'm rather fond of being alone the more I do it, though. Isolation builds the loner in me. Christmas break should help with that, since everyone is gone or busy.
Kind of weird how some freindships work out. Without naming anyone, here's how one has gone just recently: friends for about 6 months, then more like brother and sister for a year, then practically lovers for a month or two, to suddenly cut off. Gone. Out of the picture; but then back again, suddenly, in a weird, choppy way. Streaks of caramel in and out my life.
If you think that's a weird relationship, consider this one: Starts with close friends for about 1 1/2 years. Turns into him thinking of me as girlfriend material while I view him as a father figure. Grows into us dating. Cools down to friends again. Boils up to his rage and my panic. Cut off completely for about 6 months. Out of nowhere, emerging again. Tentative friends, then suddenly heats up to a really smoking passion. Huh. That was weird. And for the first time it's my turn to view him as less than perfect. Wonder what comes next? Cobalt shimmers, faint and far away.
I like the steady, nonstop loving relationships. The kind with a cerise hue. The kind that says Aaron Lee all over it. As long as I have him, I can pretend I'm a good loner, cause all the friendship I need, all the trust I ask for, I can find in him. Without him, I'd be lost somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
Time to stop thinking deep and start thinking happy Christmas thoughts. Here's my kitten:
Isn't Ember Rose sweet!?! Her color is mango, if you wanted to know. What a cutie. I'm going to go eat some Honey Buzzers (It's a cereal.)
Posted by Angel Renee at 9:24 PM 1 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
1. It's a bit chilly, I'm still recovering from the weather outside my dorm room. Wish I lived in Tennessee, where it was freezing at 42 degrees!
2. I have the most beautiful kitten in the world. Her name is Ember, and she is adorable!
She's a tiny girl for now, but I think she's going to be pretty big. She decided she loved me today-she curled up in my lap and passed out. Sweet baby... (thank you, Cassie!!!)
3. We are moving into our new house by Friday. Lots of work, moving is. At least we have a beautiful house to move into. I'll put up pictures soon.
Short post, cause I'm really tired... and full of chili, which makes me tireder...
Posted by Angel Renee at 8:49 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Fire and Ice, Baby...
Posted by Angel Renee at 9:39 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Snow Daze
Posted by Angel Renee at 8:17 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Inside My Head, Installment #2
So... I think I got a concussion last night. The main reason I think this is that this kid
and I slammed heads so hard I heard a crack. And then I felt a throbbing pain on the OTHER side of my head! Not to mention that I slept last night like I had taken sleeping pills, and I couldn't remember my roommate's name when I woke up. Ouch.
We have a lot of snow here. Actually, more than I have seen all year. That's why school is cancelled! I'm very excited about that.
Our school NEVER closes, so this is a fun occasion. I should be doing laundry today. I will get around to that eventually. I also want to make brownies. It would be fun to smell like a coconut in this weather.
There was an awesome Australian film crew at our house yesterday. I had more fun with these guys than I have any of the previous crews. Aaron and I got to bring friends and eat out with them. They had never experienced snow like ours! It was pretty interesting. Apparently They went to talk to the Campbells, the people I stayed with in Tennessee. The Campbells weren't aware of the subject of the interview. So they were very surprised when they heard it was about me. They then tried to lie and say they didn't know who I was, which obviously wasn't true, since they had also sad I had more problems then then could fix. So I guess in a way I got my revenge on them, or will in this documentery. Not like I was looking to. Part of me is scared that I'm going to lose my friends forever. The other part knows I never really had those friends to begin with.
I have a friend I haven't talked about before... I don't really know why.
He's a really sweet guy.
Oh, and he likes Josh Groban! I love that because he picked someone that I know. Like Celtic Thunder. Josh reminded me of a super sweet shy guy. I wish I could go back to Nashville... specially with this weather.
I got my Christmas shopping done!! lots of cool things. I can't wait to talk about what I got, but I can't yet.
Heart ATTACK!!! I thought I just lost everything I typed so far. But I found it again. Hooray!!!
Time to go do laundry and stuff.
Posted by Angel Renee at 11:37 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Out of Rythm
It's been a long weekend. Promised to be a good one, but I guess promises get broken a lot. Hopefully it gets better. I've been feeling really down this past 24 hours, it's sucked. I hate when I make plans and they are messed up. But it's worse when someone else messes them up and then could care less that they did so.
Not that I should complain. I wonder if I'm controlling? I should keep track of what I do and see if I really am.
Today should get better because I'm getting a birthday present from a coworker, and that makes me happy. Plus tonight, if plans work out for once, I'm going to watch Blind Side at the theater. And then school comes again. Ugh. Two more weeks.
Posted by Angel Renee at 9:37 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Inside My Head, Installment #1
I'm up earlier than I really wanted to be. It is usually nice to be the first one up, but today I'm just plain tired.
Last night the choir groups at school had an away concert, and we were gone for that from 4-10. Really good time, though. I had a duet which went off well. It's so fun to watch the Men's Ensemble, mostly. All the little things that they do... Joe with his lips barely moving. Josh with a grin at all times. Dane and Cameron sport matching red faces in the top left. My favorite is Grady, though. He looks like he just got put in the middle of a group of people he doesn't know, and he stares around, petrified, as he sings. I LOVE it!
Sometimes I wish I could see what people really thought. Then I changed my mind cause I probably don't want to know. I'd rather know what I think people think of me. It might be more flattering. Or not.
If I had coconut smelling stuff, I'd wear it a lot. I love it.
All I want for Christmas is as follows: A vest from Shopko, I think. Converse Shoes. Boots, like the slipper/really soft kind everyone is wearing. Soft blanket? A PUPPY. Long sleeve shirts are cool. Gift cards are always awesome, to wherever. The Buckle would be a good place to get a gift card cause I love the jeans but they cost SO much.
I used to be a huge fan of Jesus. Then I became indifferent but respectful of him. Now I've decided I'm not a fan. He makes for a good excuse for a lot of people to do a lot of things they shouldn't. Like hating homosexuals. Which is to me the same thing as Southerners wanting slaves. It's discrimination. I used to be judgemental in the name of Jesus. So did my step dad. And he used Jesus to molest me, too. So I don't like Jesus that much anymore.
When I do talk about my real feelings these days, I get bashed. I used to hate that, but now I guess I'm used to it. I know how I feel, and I can't change it to make people happy. I still respect those people who love Jesus. But he is not my kind of myth. I would rather go with a flying spaghetti monster, or better yet, nothing at all.
Today I'm doing a tkd testing. I hope I can get to a new rank cause yellow belts are sad, and very low. I have a secret for you. Now that I'm a new person, I'm doing alot of new things that are fun and exciting. I got a tattoo, for instance. It's funny how my music teacher didn't freak out, and my mom loved it, but I hear that my boyfriend's family might be more opposed to it. So maybe I'll just keep my back covered around them. Oh wait...I already do. I also colored my hair green, then red, then back again. The weirdest thing to me is that I used to think I was immune to intimacy. It reminded me of my step dad. But now I feel the same as other young humans do, and it's kind of unfortunate. It makes me want to get married and get in the baby making business. It's a strange, dark magic to look at guy friends I've known all my life and feel a new sensation of 'wow, he's good looking...' I'll leave it at that and let you think my mind is just that innocent. I have no idea what to do with these new feelings. I guess I should go to counseling again. I'll go call her right now.
Okay, so back to my thoughts. I kind of really want to eat something taco.
My tattoo, in case you wondered, is a yin yang with dolphins around it. It has a lot of meaning to me. The dolphins are purple. When I'm rich I'm going to have a pet dolphin. The tattoo hurts now cause it's covered in scabs. My reallly good friend had a baby last weekend. I really want to go see it.
I could think of more things to say. Like talk about meeting Dane's dad at the concert last night, or about Ethan making dirty jokes. But I kinda want to be done for now and go get ready for my martial arts jazz.
Oh, and I'm getting a kitty. Pictures to come!
Posted by Angel Renee at 8:48 AM 1 comments Links to this post
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Top 20 Thankful List-In No Particular Order
#1: I'm thankful for life moving on. See, life 20 years ago was bad, but it moved on. And life 15 years ago was questionable, but not unlivable. 3 years ago, yeah, life was unbearable. But thanks to life and moving on, this year was my best ever and it seems to keep getting that way. Thanks to life moving on I have a reason to keep living and watching what happens next.
#2: I'm thankful for the man who stands by me faithfully and loves me more than anyone I know. Who is not perfect, but is perfect to me. Who allows me to find myself and waits for me. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world for having him. I won't say who he is though, cause he tends to have a big head about it :P Love you babe.
#3: I'm thankful to be who I am. Not too short, not too tall, smart, somewhat attractive, and free spirited. Free to love who I will, to shun what I hate, and in control of my life. Free to listen to what music I want, to wear what I'd like, and to be a true friend to ALL people, not just 'my type'. Yup, I love what I'm becoming.
#4: The Fantastic 4!!! Yeah, I never plan my groups of friends, but I'm awfully glad to be in this one. Cassie, Liz and Chelsey, some of the most kick ass friends ever, know how to do James Bond things, and definitely the group I'm free to be me in. To make it sound all sentimental, cue the music for Jon & Kate Plus 8: "It may be a CRAZY life. But it's OUR life."
#5: Mom, this one's for you... but I don't really have words to describe what drives my thankfulness for you. You just have a lot of strength, and I love watching you go through the freeing process that I did. Spending time with you is much better now that I know you are going to speak your mind and not god's... Thank you.
#6: My Sanders. A friend who I can go without seeing for weeks, and when we see each other it's like we never left. One of those friends you dream about, a best friend, someone you want to invest in. Out of all my friends, this is the one who covers pretty much all areas of friendship: we ALWAYS have fun, real fun. We can talk deep. We can get personal. We can stay shallow. Pretty much the best friendship ever.
#7: I'm thankful for second chances. And third. And fourth. If God is out there waiting on me to get it right, I'm thankful he/she/it is holding out so patiently. I'm thankful for the chance to do everything I missed out on as a child. I'm thankful to stand up again and show myself that I can.
#8: I'm thankful for my music! The other language that I speak. I love to sing, it becomes the jubilee of my soul. I'm so glad that I can guiltlessly enjoy all styles of songs now.
#9: Julie DeFor, I'm beyond thankful for our friendship. Someone who listens and doesn't freak out, but understands! I've been to counseling, and this is way better. And not only that, but gives as much as she takes. It's incredible to get everything off my shoulders, and then see someone else honestly get things off hers. It's not a one way mentoring street, it's a companionship effort. And it's the best thing for me these days.
#10: I am so, so thankful for Hugh Jackman. He gives me something to dream about at night, someone to get all excited about when movies are released in theatres. Thanks to Hugh Jackman, I have a sense of worship and lots of ideas for decorating my ceiling. He is very present in my life, even though I've never met him... some godlike creature, and very worthy of it. He gives James Marsden a run for his money.
#11: I'm thankful for another man in my life...this one is so much a part of me, if I had multiple personalities, he'd be my other main one! We've known each other for nearly 7 years now. Think of every emotion you can have toward another human being, and we've shared it. In the end, I have decided that you can happily live with the man that was meant for you, but know that you have a soulmate somewhere else. Pretty freakin cool. He shall remain unamed as well because I don't want to seem pathetic sounding countless praises to him.
#12: What is with all the boys in my life?!? They take up way too much space (on here, I mean) but I can't forget them, since they are my mainstays these days. This guy is someone who anybody would be thankful to call friend. Trent is a listener. He LOOKS for a chance to be there for someone. He's one of the old souls, like me, so it's easy to converse with him. His share of grief enables him to empathize and he does so, nobly. I'm so thankful to say we've grown closer over the year and I am glad to have him as a friend.
#13: My job!!! It's so awesome to have a job that I love! No more telemarketing for me, ever. I'm amazed that out of dozens of people who would love to work at the theater and bar, I'm the one who got the job. My coworkers are pretty much stellar, and the job itself is a blast.
#14: Okay, I have another guy... the guy who sleeps on top of me (he's heavy, too). :) He's a Danish guy with a huge heart. He's the guy who makes me glad I'm a listener. Unlike a lot of guys I know, he doesn't see me as a project, or a potential significant other, or someone to worship because I know famous people, or anything like that. I get to hear about his dreams and aspirations, and it makes me feel good to be there for him. Plus his teeth are dazzling, and it's kind of awesome to be in the presence of something dazzling.
#15: I have a lot of other friends I don't see as much, but I totally would put them all here except I'm running out of room. These include my sister Emily K. (you're invited to our house warming party!), Trevor (I can't wait to go nude river dancing next month!), Amity (call me!!!!), my cousins (all of them...), Dean (you should totally sign up for TKD),
#16: I am so thankful that I met Amando, my crazy sweet friend. He was a very dear person to me, and I could go on and on about him, and not be glorifying him at all. He died in a car crash, but his memory spurs me on and motivates me to laugh often. If I had never met him, I wouldn't have sat down this autumn and reassessed what it means to be a good friend, and prioritized what I do with the rest of my relationships throughout life. Thank you Mando, and I miss you SOO much.
#17: For all the siblings, I'm thankful for every one of them. I'm thankful for what they bring to my life, for the reality of family, and for how strong our bonds really are. That we can be nothing alike, and still come back to each other in the end. Thankful for the added siblings that chose to be part of my family. I love them all and I'm glad I've got em.
#18: I'm thankful for drugs, namely Hydrocortizone and Vicodin. Pretty sure this is frowned upon by pretty much everyone, but hear me out anyway. Due to a huge amount of my friends smoking pot and doing drugs, I studied up on my drugs and decided that they are very unhealthy for human consumption. While inspiring good feelings, they create a false reality and pretty much act as a way to take you out of the real world. Therefore I don't do them. But I AM thankful for the good they do. I'll admit I would be a druggie if I could, and I'm just thankful for the self control and motivation I have not to do them. With that out of the way, I really am glad they are there, to help people who are in massive amounts of pain, and give them some sort of relief.
#19: Thanks be to the god of martial arts, for giving me what it takes to be hardcore and kickass. I love the sport. It's one of the only things I can think of that is a workout, a lesson in respect, competition, healthy defense, and fun all rolled up into one! I would be in poor shape if it weren't for my martial arts.
#20: The odds and ends. I'm thankful for my stability in the rocky economy. I'm thankful that I'm not tied down to a child or prison time. I'm thankful for President Obama and his efforts to at least inspire change. I'm thankful that I can look nice even to me. I'm thankful for social connections. I'm thankful for my phone, my boyfriend's parents, my little brother, and art. I'm thankful for my colors. And yeah, that was a lot of thankfulness, I'm kind of thankfuled out for now.
Posted by Angel Renee at 10:28 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Posted by Angel Renee at 8:21 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A Random Conversation
The following conversation may or may not be fictional...
Angel: I think Hugh Jackman is the hottest hunk EVER!
Liz: Yeah... no... I don't know...
Angel: Now Owen Wilson, he is HOTT.
Liz: Oh, totally.
Angel: Especially his voice...
Liz: Oh, his voice makes me melt!
Liz: (slamming hand on the table) Cassie, you just
Cass: (jumping about 2 feet high) Know what???
Angel: Haha, you didn't hear us at all
Cass: I just agreed with you!
Liz: (laughing hysterically) I scared you...
Cass: Yeah, well I'm going to throw a PACIFIER at you!
(Deathly Silence)
Liz and Cass: What?
These random events can be found happening somewhere far, far from
Norfolk, NE, Northeast Community College.
Posted by Angel Renee at 6:51 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Sunday, November 15, 2009
10 Random Updates
2. Aaron and I took a little break, but it didn't do so good. We are
just made for each other, no question about it.
3. We are moving into a lovely house starting in December! It's
going to be a-freakin-mazing.
4. My job lets me and one guest get into movies for free. I did
not, however, go with Aaron to see this:
hopefully green-belt in Taekwondo.
6. I will take an average of 28,000 showers in my lifetime. Go Biology...
7. The whole Husker pride thing is starting to make sense to me.
my penpal side is making a comeback. Want a letter? Let me know!
9. I was on tv...
...and I'll be back on soon!
10. Oh yeah... I colored my hair. It's pretty now. (ignore the black
eye, I dropped a book on my face.) Thanks Cassie!!!
Posted by Angel Renee at 2:16 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Monday, October 26, 2009
Misfit in the Bar
He sits apart from the rest of the crowd
Sitting alone, half drunk Budweiser in his hand
Unnoticed, a quiet shadow with a pleasant face
Seemingly unaware of the mingling all around him.
As I work, I glance at him from time to time
Sad to see him sitting all alone in this social bar
Vacant eyes staring into a chasm of space beyond
He takes another sip of his beer and heaves a sigh
And I wonder about his situation. He could be
A pipeliner, running from life but running blind
Or maybe a war veteran, building walls of silence
To stifle the gunshots and screams of agony he remembers.
Of course it could be he lived a life not so different
Just a quiet type who'd rather be alone in peace.
His eyes finally meet mine, briefly, as he raises his glass
He nods, half smiles, and slips back into his reverie.
Posted by Angel Renee at 7:16 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I'm Pretty Much Amazing...
Posted by Angel Renee at 3:56 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Wedding # 7...
Posted by Angel Renee at 3:37 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Dance, Listen, Stand, Live.
Deep into the shadows of the night, you pull the melody
from my heart, reunite it with my feet. We twirl and
spin on the dance floor, keeping time with the beat. With
your head thrown back, singing at the top of your voice,
I feel as content as I will be. You start the spark that
lights a fierce, joyous fire within me, and I remember
how to love as easily as breathing air. And we dance.
No one sees me but only you, watching even when
twilight fades to a starry black. I build a wall around
to protect myself, but you reach in gently, pull me
out before my tears of loneliness fall. As my world
crumbles into a desolate wasteland, you hold me
and remind me that I am not abandoned. When
I'm finally ready to talk, you listen.
I stand strong in the darkness, encased in an armor of
pretense. I declare to the world my capability to remain
staunch in battle. I fear no one, I am proud and undefeated.
And yet beneath the confidence I wear, a child is crying in
fear. I cannot expect to keep my pose of strength, and
eventually my knees buckle. But somehow you are there,
supporting me. You lift me up almost imperceptibly, so no
one else sees my weakness, no one but you. With your help shake it
off, the trembling ceases, and I stand.
You tell me, "This would be my heartbeat if I ever lost
you. ^^^---^---------------". And I understand. To die
would be to lose all the beautiful memories, to erase
every Kodak moment we have created. Within you
and me lie the ingredients to hope, strength, and family.
I may be fatherless, I may lack a mother, but I have you.
For as long as I can dance in the arms of my sensitive, strong
brother, I will live.
Posted by Angel Renee at 8:57 PM 2 comments Links to this post
Friday, September 25, 2009
New favorite movie
~Not only is it HOTT, and the guys are AMAZING, but my favorite ice dancer in the world, David Pelletier is one of the cowboys!!!~
Posted by Angel Renee at 1:10 PM 0 comments Links to this post
And the Night Shall Be Filled With Music...
My beautiful friend Katie got married. My friend Amity is already married. I always figured I'd be the first one married and I'd have the biggest family. I'm sure glad my priorities changed before I got a bunch of kids thrown into the mix. I mourn for all the innocent children (myself included) who became victims of a Quiverfull family without being asked first. I'd rather be ready, like Katie is, than to marry the guy my dad picks and have 20 kids and counting, without knowing who I really am. Thanks God!
Posted by Angel Renee at 12:22 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Pair of Jeans that Fit Just Right...
Posted by Angel Renee at 12:00 PM 0 comments Links to this post


text:
I was walking down Castro street last week and noticed a well known local Jazz musician, John Worley, standing on the sidewalk drinking a cup of coffee. I introduced myself and told him that I've seen him on stage before and that I follow him on Facebook. No, I'm not a stalker. I asked him what he was doing hanging out on Castro street. He told me that he teaches private trumpet lessons at West Valley Music. John took me on a tour of the cute music store and introduced me to the owner, Diana Tucker. This the store's 25th year in business in Mountain View. John told me a little bit about all the instructors as we walked down the hallway of the lesson rooms and I realized that they were all local celebrities. How did this little store manage to find so many talented instructors?
I asked Diana to tell me a little bit about how she finds such outstanding music teachers and she explained to me that she's been in the business for years. Her instructors are all working musicians who go on tour and have released CDs and teaching helps them pay the rent. Honestly, these people are the most talented musicians you will ever find and now is your opportunity to learn from them. Even if you just sign up for one class to give it a try and see if you like it, it might just be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Please check their website for the class schedule. I saw a wide variety of classes offered, and about 30 instructors who offer private lessons, such as piano, guitar, ukulele, flute, clarinet, saxophone, oboe, trombone and violin and voice. John Worley is one of the private instructors and he teaches trumpet lessons. You can look at all of the educators on the store's website and Google the ones that you think you might be interested in. I looked at some of their websites (Martan Mann, Kassey Plaha, Astara Marcia, Jill Heinke Moen, and Wendy Waller) was quite impressed.
If you just moved to Silicon Valley and are trying to find something fun to do in your free time, taking music lessons is a great way to get to know the local community of musicians. You can either purchase or rent an instrument from West Valley Music.
One time I went to a ukulele event at Dana Street Roasting Company and there were probably 250 people in attendance, everyone from small children with plastic toy instruments to professional players. They all practiced together and then played 3 or 4 songs. It was absolutely beautiful. It was totally packed, standing room only, with people standing in the side street trying to get a peek inside. After I saw that event, I realized how popular the ukulele is in this area and what a powerful tool music is for connecting people to their community.
Do yourself a big favor; take a music class. Your future self will thank you. I love Mountain View.


text:
Do you need a Couple's Counseling?
Couples seek therapy for a variety of reasons, including overcoming conflict, learning to communicate more effectively, and strengthening their relationship. Couples often find themselves fighting about the same things over and over again, hoping every time to reach a solution, but ending up in the same situation. Over time, resentment builds, feelings are hurt, and partners grow apart.
Do you find that you are in constant conflict with your partner? Do you feel like you can't do anything right when it comes to your marriage or relationship? Are your arguments escalating quickly? Are there unresolved issues keeping your relationship stuck? Do you worry about the future of your relationship? Are you looking for ways to reconnect?
Did you know there are behaviors that occur during conflict discussions that are actually predictors of divorce? The most important thing is often not what you are arguing about, but how you argue. We can start making improvements by implementing rules for fair fighting, learning to work together as a team, verbalizing appreciation for your partner, and exploring ways to increase relationship satisfaction. I use a variety of techniques from current research and theories to determine what isn't helpful, what is working well, enhance communication skills, deepen connections, and rekindle the love and intimacy that brought you together.
Every couple is different, therefore I will spend time during couple's therapy getting to know you as a couple, uncovering your strengths, and defining specific goals for our work together in counseling.
Not sure what you want from your relationship, or if you even want to stay together? That's okay, therapy can help you figure that out. I am not here to tell you what to do or dictate the outcome of your relationship. I will respect your choices and objectives, provide you with a safe space to talk openly about your issues, and help you develop skills for moving forward.
Common themes that bring couples to therapy include:
- Communication problems
- Sexual intimacy issues
- Sexual dysfunction
- Difficult life transitions, such as becoming new parents, moving to a new city, or becoming empty nesters
- Physical or emotional infidelity
- Lack of trust
- Addiction
- Impending separation or divorce
- Second marriages and blending families
- Premarital counseling
- Relationship enhancement
The first step is to call (832) 827-3288 for your free 15 minute phone consultation. We will discuss what you are needing, and determine if couple's counseling in Houston is the right fit for you and your partner.


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Motorcycle Roads in Nebraska
Most of Nebraska's (NE) scenery is prairie with the elevation of the state rising upward as you start at the Missouri river in the east and move your way to the west towards Colorado and Wyoming. An exception to the Corn Husker State's monolithic prairie scenery is found in an area known as the Sand Hills. The Sand Hills lie in the north-central part of the state and comprise a region of sand dunes anchored by grasses that cover about 18,000 sq miles.
Highest Rated Motorcycle Roads & Rides
Schramm State Park Run
Leaving the city life, you will be taken on some nice twisty roads that will wind you down to the Platte River. Along the way you can see the boaters on the river in the summer and the beautiful turning leaves in the fall....
out of 5
Sandhills Loop
Sandhills as far as you can see. You'll see huge roller coaster hills, windmills and cows and many small lakes along the way....
out of 5
US 20 (Northwest Nebraska)
This route has a lot of scenery to offer - rock outcroppings, mini-mountains, sand hills, pronghorn sheep, mule deer, coyotes. Much better scenery than might be expected in Nebraska!...
out of 5
Highway 75 Along the Missouri River
Runs along west side of Missouri River. Hills and some great views!...
out of 5
Highway 12
Rolling hills with great views of rural scenery....
out of 5
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The Gospel of Loki by Joanne Harris
This is the first of Harris' books I've read, a retelling of the Norse myths from the perspective of the trickster god, Loki. It's a solid idea, one that recalled my teenage years spent reading The Sandman.
Harris' Loki is a playful character, an egotistical, inherently flippant and capable antihero. Add in his wanton use of anachronisms and a delivery focused most of all on being pacey and you have a good sense of the effect. As long as you're not too frustrated by references to him taking showers, and even one use of 'chillax', you'll be ok.
It's an eminently accessible narrative, which makes for a good primer for those new to the mythology. One that, as I understand it, is fairly true to the original structure. It's also interesting that it's so successful today, given the zeitgeist is all about grimdark and Game of Thrones – this is myth-laden high fantasy, strolling between worlds, paragons and the divine. For the new generation whose first encounter of the characters is via Marvel, it's also a good way to lead people into the basis of reconstructing familiar characters and tropes.
Hacker, Hoaxer, Whistleblower, Spy by Gabriella Coleman
I'm not sure when, but at some point in 2016 I fell in love with Verso Books; this one really confirmed that for me. Hacker… is an anthropological study of Anonymous and LulzSec undertaken by Coleman whilst she was embedded in their community. This means she has spent years in IRC chat rooms with them, witnessed now famous Ops being planned and has even met various members IRL. She has perhaps more than any other observer of the Anonymous movement.
Given the relatively sparse nature of accurate reportage on Anonymous in the news, this is a detailed and empathetic analysis of its history, identity and differing cultural norms. It's not entirely impartial (Coleman confesses her own sympathies in the book) but it is fascinating. It's also hard not to be charmed by an academic referring to subject decisions (flipping and snitching in this case) as a 'dick move'.
Hacker… provides history, character profiles and an analysis of how and why Anonymous do what they do. How what started as an organised aspect of trolling quickly grew very sophisticated, then became aware of its potential which quickly exploded into efficient Ops like Anonymous involvement in the Arab Spring, Occupy and attacks on major corporations like Sony. It recounts countless hypocrisies and contradictions from all quarters – the most egregious being companies contracted by the US government to catch hackers using the same illegal tactics as the hackers – but stays true to the ideals Anonymous adhere to: because Anonymous act from political and moral standpoints, which are specific and identifiable.
I really recommend this one.
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Often cited as one of the greatest novels of the 20th century, Rebecca is another classic I had missed. It's about a young girl who marries a widower gentleman from the West Country only to discover everything she does is overshadowed by his dead wife. It includes some wonderful writing, and a particularly crafty structure that has you reassessing characters and themes throughout.
In particular, du Maurier has created a compellingly unstable world for her narrator driven by her anxieties and uncertainties. So many events lead to a fit of nervy introspection and panicked imaginings of disaster. Add in a deft critique of class and a superbly self-obsessed set of aristocrats and you end up with something that is incessantly discomforting to read. For those who have had any experience of acute anxiety, you'll find much to recognise here.
About the only criticism I can level is that it includes a couple of almost entirely redundant dinner scenes. But really, those are minor details in an otherwise very good book. I'll have to investigate more of du Maurier's work in the future.
Cold Turkey by Carole Johnstone
This is one of TTA's short-lived novella series, which I picked up from their stall at FantasyCon this year. Set in a run-down Scottish town, it follows teacher Raym as he tries to give up smoking. So far, so normal, except Raym smokes a lot, he's pretty unhappy and he keeps being chased around town by the tally-van…
There's a manic touch to this one, like Something Wicked This Way Comes dialled up to adult. As you might expect things unravel fairly quickly and they're played with a gruesome sense of farce. There's a fairly large cast as well, so scenes are snappy and played out with lots of dialogue.
In a rare result for me, I actually felt the ideas needed more space to grow here so I would have preferred things being given room to breathe. Still, it's an energetic mash of influences, told with verve.
My reading this month (submissions aside of course) has been limited, for various reasons. Don't annoy the right-wing online if you want to get some reading done, is my advice. However, two short-story collections have greatly impressed me this month.
Speak Gigantular by Irenosen Okojie
I picked this up after seeing Irenosen's amazing reading at the last Unsung Live.
I think it would be easy to apply terms like surreal or magical-realist to this new collection of short fiction, but they don't feel quite appropriate for these vivid bursts of imagination.
There is a definite influence of Nigerian storytelling here, with the real and the fantastic intermixing in fairly matter-of-fact ways. At the same time Speak Gigantular feels like a very London book. Stories concerning the ghosts of suicides on the Underground, people disappearing in plain sight, loneliness made manifest, all of these things seem born from the city and fused with other storytelling traditions, often to great effect. And as bizarre as some of the pieces get, there is a dark emotional element driving the stories. Mental unravelling, frankly described and sometimes unusual sexual desire, obsession – they all get a look in here.
A few stories didn't quite work for me, where the writer's imagination gets away from her. But its clear from reading Speak Gigantular that we're dealing with a talent, and when the imaginative power is wedded to strong character-led narrative, such as in the wonderful 'Poco Poco', then the result is something very special.
Some Will Not Sleep by Adam Nevill
I'd been meaning to read Adam Nevill for a while. I became aware of this new collection of his short-fiction at Fantasycon back in September, and following reading his excellent horror baker's dozen in The Quietus (which featured The Beauty by Aliya Whiteley no less) decided to take the plunge. This was the correct decision.
The best description for these stories is literary horror, though you can claim them for the weird or 'dark fiction' if you must; I'm pretty sure it's all the same thing.
A few pieces fall into a pulpier category such as 'What God Hath Wrought?', an enjoyable mash-up of Westerns and zombie fiction with an apocalyptic religious bent to it. 'Pig Thing' and 'The Original Occupant' are excellent, though exploring well-trodden themes, in this case the perils of lingering pre-human inhabitants of wild places.
But the standout pieces for me were the ones that gave me a real 'what-the-f**k' moment and moved away from the more obvious horror tropes. 'Mother's Milk' made me feel ill when reading it on the train, and 'Doll Hands' and 'To Forget and to be Forgotten' supplied a surreal nightmarish quality I've found in work by Thomas Ligotti and Michael Cisco. My personal favourite 'Yellow Teeth' managed to mix black absurd comedy, that reminded me of an episode of Inside No. 9, sheer revulsion – I can't forget the term 'crispy psoriasis' – and the sense of something transcendental being achieved.
An excellent collection, recommended for anyone interested in the current surge in weird fiction or short stories in general.


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I need to continue to remind myself that not every pizza needs to have cheese. I am not proud, but i likely eat more pizza than any other human on earth. Fresh chef craig may be a close second. Just because it's pizza, doesn't mean it needs cheese. I'm not saying cheese is unacceptable, but too much isn't necessarily a good thing. And there are so many tasty options for vegan pizza. Today I crushed a few avocados and spread it on a naked pizza. Then I took some arugula leaves and lightly seasoned them with sea salt and olive oil. It was refreshing, vibrant, healthy and it satisfied my pizza craving. All it took were these 5 ingredients, an instant vegan classic.
5 Ingredient Vegan Pizza
1 pizza dough
1 avocado, peeled and crushed with S & P
1 handful of Arugula, tossed with olive oil and sea salt
crushed pepper flakes
1. Preheat your oven to 500 F, with your Baking Steel on the top rack.
2. Stretch or roll out your pizza dough into a 12 inch round, place on a lightly floured pizza peel.
3. Launch onto your scorching hot Baking Steel and set the timer for 3 minutes.
4. Open oven, and rotate your naked pizza to promote even cooking. Close oven and bake for 2 more minutes, or until desired doneness, remove.
5. Using a spatula, distribute crushed avocado on top. Toss on arugula and crushed red pepper flakes.
6. Slice and serve and take a photo for Instagram..


text: Stellar TMAX1-11' V2 crane body with CS1V raised to 60", torsion box understructure with isolated crane compartment, Master-Lock system, exterior DOT light package, 22"D X 44"H side packs, 133" long, 21" step bumper with thru compartment, (4) recessed cargo tie-downs, (2) rear mounted grab handles, dual-seal automotive type compartment weather seal, rubber fenderettes,14 ga. overlapped doors on SS1V / CS1V, 14 ga. overlapped doors on horizontal compartments, 12" fold down tailgate (painted black), 2 & 3-point stainless steel compression latches, stainless steel "Billet Style" hinges, spring loaded door stops, weld on receiver hitch, prime painted A40 galvanneal, undercoated. Drawer set, 35.5"H x 34"W X 18"D, 3-3", 3-5", 1-7" (incl. 2.5" riser) Compressor Mounting Plate - SHD60 Shelf with (3) dividers 17.63"W x 19.00"D Shelf with (3) dividers 52.44"W x 19.00"D Shelf with (3) dividers 24.38"W x 19.00"D, Installed Divider kit with shelves 19.00 x 17.63 for oxy/acet. - for 60" compartment only Oxy-Acet bottle holder ASM - 2 Bottle Holder Shelf with (3) dividers 21"W x 19.00"D Shelf with (3) dividers 52.44"W x 19.00"D Paint body white (std. color) Grab handle - mounts to rear side pack and workbench bumper - Easily accessible from ground Floodlight, halogen 3"x3", work light (assembly) LED Compartment Light Kit - TMAX 1-9, TMAX 1-11, TMAX 2-11 - Installed Back up alarm - ECCO 107 Db ICC safety kit consisting of rechargeable fire extinguisher and reflector kit tabilizer, hydraulic out/hydraulic down for installation in bumper, painted black - TMAX 1 body ONLY Weld on cut out for DEF/second fuel fill for TMAX-1 V2 Installed Custom CHASSISOPTSOP2 Hydraulic reservoir, 20 gallon, bulkhead mounted, for Stellar body, painted black Adjustable boom support with roller rest, painted black, for TMAX1/TMAX2/TMAX3 body Electronic load-sensing speed control for Ford diesel and gas engines E-Link Basic - Cab Mounted (includes body harness and dash mount kit) - Installed SHD-60AFP hydraulic driven compressor produces 30 CFM @ 100 PSI, 4 cylinder single stage compressor with HD canister type air filter, direct drive coupling, oil cooler, fan, and hydraulic motor. Includes steel base, enclosure and a flip up lid. 1/2" x 50' hose reel with roller guide - exits rear of body 25 gallon air tank kit (1-10 gallon, 1-15 gallon) for installation on 2011 Ford DRW diesel trucks FLR system - 1/2" (filter, lubricator, regulator) Stellar 7621 Telescopic Crane - 44,840 ft/lb rated,7,500lb.maximumcapacity- 21'full hydraulic reach - CDTplusTM equipped proportional radio remote control.


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The clientVisit Wales is the delivery arm of the Welsh Assembly Government's Tourism and Marketing Division. Its aim is to promote and develop the Welsh tourist industry. As part of this remit, Visit Wales is responsible for formulating tourism policy, encouraging investment in Welsh tourism and marketing Wales to external sources.
The challenge
Following usability testing on their existing website, Visit Wales made the decision to recruit a graphic design agency to provide new visual styling which would enable the organisation to display brand imagery, detailed content, links and photos on their site in a more usable and up-to-date manner.Box UK were required to ensure that the technical aspects of the site matched this improved visual design and allowed Visit Wales to continue to promote the country around the world. Visit Wales' core requirement was to ensure that users could easily find the content they required, and were encouraged to explore the site.
Our solution
Box UK worked to ensure that the new templates were successfully integrated into Amaxus, with the users' needs at the centre of the layout and navigation. The templates included a design for a Flash player which would enable Visit Wales to display videos on their site.As we are aware of how important budgets are to Visit Wales, rather than building a Flash player from scratch we implemented a reskinned JW Player that matched the new designs. the tool was integrated seamlessly into Amaxus®, allowing Visit Wales to upload video footage through the CMS. This added functionality provides a new online marketing strategy for Visit Wales to promote the welsh tourist industry.
The outcome
The new templates have been very successful and have made a huge difference to the way visitors use the site. They are currently being rolled out across the international Visit Wales sites, allowing the company to expand their global presence.
At Box UK we are proud to have continued our relationship with Visit Wales, most recently helping to implement a micro site advertising the fantastic golfing opportunities in Wales.


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When the unthinkable happens we are left with many questions. Most will never get answers, some answers will open themselves to more and much will be left to speculation. This never sets well with us, as humans we have a drive for everything to make sense – for our world to make sense. Probably this goes back to our days of survival – we needed to know what to expect so that we could always be prepared. One thing about the world we live in, we can never know for sure what is going to happen. We can however, be sustained by the assurance of God. For all the earthly things that leave us broken, God's grace and our faith can make us whole.
I am reminded of the psalms 42 and 43 in which the psalmist is longing for God. We hear that the psalmist once had a strong relationship and in these moments in which they feel God has abandoned them they hold strong to the memories of their faith. These psalms have the beautiful language of the soul longing for God and the reminder that: "Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God." It might feel that God has abandoned us during times of chaos, fear or anger. It might feel the terror is rising above or hate is breaking through the love of God but our soul knows the truths. Our souls knows that the Divine Presence does not abandoned us at our moments of need but instead walks this path with us: lifting us up, giving us courage and most importantly allowing for moments of grace to befall upon the moments of darkness. As the psalmist points out, the Holy is our rock and where we take our refuge. God was not in the evil act that was committed; the Divine however was in present in this disaster and in the works of people following this crime.
No one deserved to die on Sunday mornings mass shooting. No one human has ever or will ever have the write to judge another human for their actions; or worse to reign down punishment. No matter what your stance on the Bible and the GLBT community, this was not an action God would tolerate.
In Matthew 5 beginning at verse 38 Jesus speaks about his commandment to "love." Jesus pushes the boundaries of his teachings but proclaiming to his disciples that they need to even love their enemies. He reminds them that pagans love their neighbors, tax collects even love their own for loving your own is easy; what the Sustainer is asking is that you love everyone, even your enemy. Powerful words. In a sea of religious misconceptions and a nation that politics are trying to divide us, trying to create an "other" (an enemy or an escape goat), it is pretty easy to love and to be nice to those who are in our "in" group but we are called to love in those "outside" ourselves. We are called to love all. We are called to prove ourselves better than the world and worthy of the other worldly Kingdom.
And here is our test. In moments like this, moments when our world becomes uncertain and terror strikes our heart; in moments when we fear the loss of those we love and we mourn for the grief of lives taken, we are called to response not out of hate but love. We are called to not respond with words that create enemies but actions that show evil can't break the love of God. We are called not to rationalize what happen but to grieve, rebuild and emerge out of the ashes. We are called not to create a new enemy but to show love to those in pain. We are called to change our lives so that perhaps we can be the change that ensures this never happens again.
If only we lived in a world were truly everyone was accepted. Where religion, sexual orientation or life choices didn't define us but instead all saw the light of God in each other. All saw the possibility of the other instead of being fearful of the other. Yes this sounds like a place we can't imagine. Yes this sounds not possible or worse a pipe dream, but if we start with ourselves and our corners of the world perhaps one day love can shine through the darkness. Until then, at the moments of tragedy, we look towards God, who is our rock, who is where we find refuge and we long for the moments in which we feel the love warm us. We watch for the moments in which strangers helped strangers and God was there. We seek the face of Christ in the lines of people offering blood to help the injured. We hear God's voice in the companies who offer support for families to reunite with loved ones or to say their good-byes. We feel the Holy moving as miracles happen and people survived. We know the courage it took for some to leave messages to love ones and the Arms of God that help hold them up.
Let us come together not to lift up the man who took the lives nor the reasons of hate and terror that seeded the event; instead let us lift up the people who lost their life to this act. Let us remember what true evil causes. Let us take a step back from our own life and see where we spread seeds of hate, anger, fear and oppression and let us stand together to stop this. To love all knowing that our commandment from Jesus is to do just that. Following Jesus is not an easy task, it never was; it shouldn't be mainstream! Following Jesus means taking up all this teachings and truly changing not only ourselves but the world in which we live. Let us as our soul longs for a relationship with God, long for a world in which love instead of evil prevails. Today – let us take the charge to change ourselves and be better; show one more person we love them; take that extra mile for one more co-worker; honk less at that slow person in front of us; give that person a smile in the grocery store; say hello to that child on your way; and most importantly continue to live into the faith your Rock has called you too.


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Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Solstice, Happy New Year and all the rest!
merry goopmas 09
Originally uploaded by goopymart
merry goopmas 09
Originally uploaded by goopymart
Finding something is losing something else. I think about, perhaps even mourn, what I lost to find this. - Richard Braugtigan
Excellent post at LeadingBlog on self-awareness for leaders:
12 Keys to Greater Self-Awareness
Another fab pic from Goopymart.
Check out Goopymart on Flickr!
Maybe it's just the back pain meds talking, but I find this very funny right now.