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Lest I fall behind in my goal of posting a little from each day at Stitches, some highlights from yesterday:
• being able to lord it over my roommate that I didn't have to teach in the morning. (That was fun.)
• actually enjoying working on the book!
• the brilliant knitter in my Linen Stitch class who suggested a neat way to try binding off for Linen Stitch… which had never occurred to me. (We passed around her swatch, which sported a regular-old-bind-off but with two strands held together. We had been working 2 rows each of 2 colors, and I think it could work for linen stitch in many fibers and many contexts. Can't wait to try!
• Fiona Ellis (yes, the Fiona Ellis) telling me that she forgets I'm not Canadian.
I'll relish that one for years.
Must dash – one more class to teach! "Sweaters that Fit," anyone?


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Show Yourself Some Love By Eating Clean
Stop the fad diets, stop starving, and live your best life by eating clean. Yes, it takes a little more effort on your part, but it's February and we're all about loving ourselves this month! We're in this together. In this post, we're going to go over what defines "clean eating," how to eat clean, and what happens to your body when you're consistent with it.
What is clean eating?
Eating clean means leaving out any foods that are overly processed. When foods are processed this means they have added chemicals, preservatives, or anything to make them last longer on the shelves. Our bodies can't process these chemicals. Instead of our body absorbing the nutrients, it doesn't know how to process these chemicals so it stores it as fat. This is why you've heard not to use sweeteners like Splenda and opt for natural sugar instead if you have to use it. At least your body can digest natural sugars. Eat clean by choosing the most natural foods you can.
How to eat clean
A good rule of thumb for eating clean, is when you're at the grocery store, avoid the middle aisles. Shop the fresh vegetables, fruits, and meats section. Everything processed is likely to be in the aisles so avoid them, and you won't be tempted! I know this is hard to do and sometimes almost impossible. It can be more expensive and time-consuming to eat clean if you're having to cook everything. For example, if you can't bring yourself to buy whole fruit only for it to go bad in couple days, then it's fine to buy the frozen fruit. Just make sure no preservatives are added! Same goes for vegetables. I'm a big fan of the Birds Eye steamer vegetables. Pop them in the microwave and in 5 minutes you have veggies! No, they're not as good for you as fresh vegetables, but they are SO much better for you than having chips at dinner.
How your body will thank you
Studies show that eating clean prevents numerous diseases. If you think about it, back when everyone HAD to eat fresh fruits and vegetables, they didn't have all the diseases we have today. They weren't consuming chemicals and preservatives.
After eating clean for a few days, you'll realize you stop having cravings and have a ton more energy.
Show yourself some love this February and eat clean!

subset: commoncrawl


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Private Babywearing Class
Private Babywearing Class
A 60-90 minute prenatal or postpartum babywearing consultation in your home or at the Birthing From Within teaching studio in Central Harlem.
Regardless of your baby's personality or your "parenting style," owning one or two good baby carriers and knowing how to use them properly will be a boon to your early baby days.
During this private consultation, we will work with my library of demo carriers and/or any carriers that you already own, in order to find the perfect babywearing solutions for your family.
I have years of experience in multiple sectors of the babywearing industry, having trained in Germany and the U.S., and having worked for a retailer, for manufacturers, in mother-to-mother support, and in professional education. This long and varied experience means that I'm not easily swayed by passing trends in the market or on social media, and I can provide practical, down-to-earth guidance tailored to individual caregivers' needs. (Here's an interview with more about my babywearing experience and approach.)
$175 for consultation in your home; $150 for consultation at Birthing From Within New York, Central Harlem.
LGBTQ+ and all other diverse families welcome.
If you are experiencing financial hardship, please inquire about sliding scale fees and payment plans: email@example.com.


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(Use "The Sunshine Strategy!")
The Family Power Hour
Team-Building System
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Family Team-Building Workshops
You Choose Your Path
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MINSK, Belarus, — In the last four months, Tatyana and Sergei Akadanovy have been arrested twice, sent to jail for 10 days and fined more than $1,000, an unimaginable sum in impoverished Belarus.
An apartment they help rent has been broken into and vandalized. Mrs. Akadanova has been severely beaten on the steps of their apartment, a fate that separately befell six friends, and the police have issued warnings that the Akadanovys and their friends are all criminals who should be avoided.
In fact, the police may be right: the Akadanovys and their friends are Hindus. And in Belarus, Hindus who gather together in their gods' names are, by definition, almost always in violation of the law.
Belarus, which underwent more than its share of religious repression under Soviet rule, now has a new religion law, "About the Freedom of Confessions and Religious Organizations." And even before it fully takes effect, persecution of Hindus and people of other faiths not approved by the government — and some that are — has been ratcheted sharply up.
The effect is to hamstring any rivals to the Belarus branch of the Russian Orthodox Church, which helped draft the new law and is a pillar of support for the autocratic government of President Aleksandr Lukashenko.
A western Belarus chapel of the Russian Autocephalous Orthodox Church, which has split from the main Orthodox faith, was bulldozed in August. Several Minsk branches of the Full Gospel Pentacostal Church, an evangelical Protestant faith that is among the largest minority religions here, were notified in September that their prayer services were illegal. The city's Hare Krishna temple received the same notice. In October the head of the New Life Protestant Church was summoned to a Minsk district administration office and told that unspecified complaints had been filed against his church.
All that and more preceded the new law, which Mr. Lukashenko signed on Oct. 31 and which took effect a week ago. Religious and human rights officials say that the law fits a pattern of repression they trace back at least three years, and that even mainstream faiths have been targets.
"There's been a web of restrictions and control of religious communities in the last few years," Felix Corley, editor of the London-based Keston Institute's news service and an expert on religious trends in Belarus, said in a telephone interview. "You can't have outdoor events. You can't build a church without permission from the authorities, and you can't get permission. This new law has really codified and clamped down on everything."
The law has 40 articles of bewildering complexity, but at its root, it outlaws regular meetings of worshipers of any faith not registered with the state, and strictly limits the places where even registered faiths can hold services.
Registering is a daunting task: no individual church may have fewer than 20 members. Any organized faith must have at least 10 churches and be able to prove that it had a church in Belarus before 1982 — a time of religious repression under the Soviet leader Yuri Andropov.
That merely begins to describe the law's restrictions, which govern church publications, visits by foreign priests, religious schools, charities and a welter of other activities.
The State Department and the European Union, which last week denied Mr. Lukashenko a visa because of Belarus's rights record, have said the law violates international principles of religious freedom.
The bill's authors, on the other hand, say the Russian Orthodox faith is so intimately woven into Belarussian culture that the state is obligated to protect its leading role from dangerous sects — which, they insist, are the legislation's true targets.
The state legally recognizes 26 faiths, but while a preamble to the new law mentions Judaism, Catholicism, Lutheranism and Islam, it singles out the Orthodox religion as playing "a determining role" in national culture and government.
"This law is not directed against any religious minority, but at protection of the rights of majority citizens," said Andrei I. Alezhko, who played a major role in writing it. Mr. Alezhko, a legal adviser to Metropolitan Filaret, the Belarus head of the Russian Orthodox Church, describes himself as the head of an anticult human rights group called Ozon.
"All religions are equal before the law," said Vladimir B. Lameko, the vice chairman of the Belarus Parliament's committee for religious affairs, although "that does not mean that they are as large when compared with each other."
But in Borovlyany, a prosperous village of brick homes some 20 minutes outside Minsk, Pastor Boris Cheroglaz scoffed at the notion of religious equality here. In 1999, his outpost of the Full Gospel Pentacostal Church had 1,000 members. Since then it has been driven from one building where it held services and is in danger of losing another. It has also lost 400 worshipers, 300 in the last year alone.
Most, he said, stopped attending services for fear of government reprisal. "People were just afraid, scared because the memories were still fresh from the time when people were persecuted for their beliefs," he said.
The Borovlyany church is anything but alone in its predicament. There are more than 450 registered Pentacostal churches in Belarus, which makes Pentecostalism perhaps the nation's second-largest faith. Another 200 are unregistered; it is not uncommon for registrations to be rejected on technical grounds.
Then again, it could be worse. The Akadanovys' 150-member Hindu community, the Light of Kalyasa, has repeatedly been denied registration on technical grounds. Most recently, the couple said, officials refused even to provide registration papers. An effort to summon Hindu leaders to a meeting in a Minsk park last July collapsed when the police arrested the Akadanovys and 13 other worshipers at the park's entrance, accusing them of staging an illegal demonstration. A month later, the apartment they used as a temple was broken into and ransacked; when the couple and others carried banners in a march protesting their treatment, they were arrested again.
Mrs. Akadanova, 34, suffered a concussion after she was beaten outside the couple's flat in early September. After 10 days in prison for her role in the July meeting, she faces a 15-day sentence if she cannot pay a 1.5 million ruble fine — the rough equivalent of $1,000 — for staging the protest in August.
"I was already in this jail once," she said in an interview in a Minsk restaurant. "It's torture."
Rather than discouraging believers, however, the government's actions are simply driving Hindus underground, the Akadanovys said. "Some of them pretend to be a group of psychologists so they can meet and meditate," Mrs. Akadanova said. "But the authorities already know about us, so we cannot hide and conceal our activities. And we do not know what the next sanctions will be against us. We can't gather, even at private apartments. But we cannot give up our beliefs."


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Bella Hadid and The Weeknd, aka Abel Tesfaye, broke up last November after more than one year of dating. Their demanding work schedules were reportedly the cause of the split, though neither party has confirmed what happened. The world may never find out, and we'll always have the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show to look back on. Here's how their relationship came and went.
April 2015: Bella and Abel become more than friends shortly after hanging out at Coachella, where he performed. A source tells E! News they were "flirting lots" while a second source reveals Coachella is "where they really clicked." Us Weekly reveals that the new couple have gone on double dates with Gigi and (then-boyfriend) Cody Simpson, as well as Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger (who would split this month).
May 2015: The new couple remains mum on their relationship but fans go wild over this tweet posted on May 2:
July 2015: In a New York Times feature story about Abel, Bella is mentioned in four paragraphs. Two of them are dedicated to the newness of their relationship and a kiss she gives him before his performance at New York's Museum of Modern Art. When asked if he's in love, Abel offers this: "I don't know, to be honest with you. I don't think so. Maybe. It's no, it's yes, it's maybe."
August 2015: Bella and Gigi go on another double date with their beaus Abel and Joe Jonas, respectively, hanging out at L.A. hotspot The Nice Guy. According to People, Taylor Swift was also there.
September 2015: Bella and Abel are spotted at New York Fashion Week holding hands.
October 2015: The Weeknd buys Bella a puppy—a Yorkie named Hendrix—for her 19th birthday.
They spend her birthday weekend in New York City together, along with mom Yolanda Foster, sister Gigi, and Joe Jonas.
In an interview with Rolling Stone, Abel says he first approached Bella for work and work only. "I actually asked her to be on the artwork for Beauty Behind the Madness. My motive was literally to work with her." Bella initially declined, leading him to suggest a "face-to-face" meet up. In the Rolling Stone interview, he points out that their relationship wouldn't have worked if it happened two years ago ("she couldn't"), possibly alluding to the fact that she would have been 16 at the time. "But if I'd met someone two years ago, I probably would've fucked it up. But I'm more—how do I say it?—clear-thinking now."
December 2015: Bella plays a femme fatale in Abel's new video for "In The Night." There's a beautiful shot of them riding on a motorcycle together.
Before the end of the year, E! News reports that the couple are taking a break due to their busy schedules. "They are still in each other's lives though, just not in the same exclusive capacity," says one source. They spend Christmas apart.
February 2016: Bella and Abel make their red carpet debut as a couple at the 58th Grammy Awards.
March 2016: Abel supports Bella at the Daily Front Row's Fashion Los Angeles Awards. They're too cute for words.
May 2016: Bella and Abel attend the 2016 Met Gala looking like a million bucks in his and hers Givenchy.
August 2016: Bella opens up about her boyfriend to Glamour magazine, saying that she often thinks about him when she's modeling and that when they're together, he's "Abel" and not his stage name. "I'm proud of the Weeknd and the music he makes, but I really love Abel." She also reveals why they decided to make their couple debut at the Grammys. "It was a big night for him. He has worked so hard, and he did so well that night. As a girlfriend I wanted to be there to support him. Seeing him so happy when he won a Grammy made me so happy." (He was nominated for seven and won two that night).
October 2016: Bella and Abel fly off to Tokyo and have the Instagram vacation of your dreams.
Upon their return, the couple celebrate Bella's 20th birthday. No puppy this time though.
November 2016: People reports on Nov. 10 that Bella and Abel have split after one and a half years of dating. One source says their schedules, once again, are to blame and that Abel is "focusing on finishing and promoting his album…they still have a great deal of love for one another and will remain friends."
Two weeks later, The Weeknd's new album Starboy is released. Bella and Abel reunite on stage at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, with her making her VS debut and him performing on the show for the second year in a row. "There is no awkwardness," she tells E! News before hitting the stage. "He is my best friend, and I am excited because I am walking during his performance."
Bella gives a shout out to her ex the following day on Instagram, writing, "Thank you @theweeknd for being the best and most incredible performer on the planet. You KILLED it, as always." No awkward feelings here. Nope.
January 2017: TMZ publishes photos of Selena Gomez and Abel making out in Santa Monica. Bella quietly unfollows Selena on Instagram but everyone notices.
On Jan. 12, photographer Mert Alas posts—and quickly deletes—a sultry pic of Selena wearing nothing but gold hoops, a matching thong, and a towel. The original photo also included a tag for The Weeknd along with a heart emoji.
The next day, Bella shares a sexy sideboob selfie (say that three times) on Instagram. Make of this what you will…
People reports that Bella is "hurt and pissed" that her ex has moved on with Selena. This is according to a "source close to the supermodel," so do read it with a grain of salt. In the same vein, a "Hadid pal" tells Us Weekly that Bella has reached out to Abel "a few times and told him Selena is using him," as it's believed the rumored new couple are working on new music together.
Selena and Abel have yet to confirm their relationship status, but it seems like Bella gets the last word for now.
Follow Marie Claire on Facebook for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.
From: Cosmopolitan US


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With 4 great locations across Melbourne (and another one on the way), it is easy to discover what makes Aquastar Swim Schools the best choice!
Our state-of-the-art facilities and exceptional teams ensure we deliver the highest quality swimming and water safety program for children.
New ST KILDA location now open!


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Emergency dentist Chesterfield
When a dental emergency occurs, it's important to seek treatment from a qualified dentist. Not only will this increase the chance of saving your tooth (or teeth) but you'll prevent infections from spreading or becoming more serious.
Working hard to accommodate patients seeking immediate treatment, our staff will try their best to minimise waiting times. Wherever possible, we endeavour to see patients with a dental problem within 24 hours.


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- So . . . I'm "feeding myself" in the morning from God's Word and thought I'd post what I'm chewin' on and make my "food" available for others who might want to nibble a bit. Hope it's of some benefit to you . . .
The word of God is living and active . . . (Hebrews 4:12)
Recent Meals
The Buffet (Past Meals)1Chronicles 1Corinthians 1John 1Kings 1Peter 1Samuel 1Thessalonians 1Timothy 2Chronicles 2Corinthians 2John 2Kings 2Peter 2Samuel 2Thessalonians 2Timothy 3John Acts Amos Colossians Daniel Deuteronomy Ecclesiastes Ephesians Esther Exodus Ezekiel Ezra Galatians Genesis Habakkuk Haggai Hebrews Hosea Isaiah James Jeremiah Job John Jonah Joshua Jude Judges Lamentations Leviticus Luke Malachi Mark Matthew Micah Nahum Nehemiah Numbers Philemon Philippians Proverbs Psalms Revelation Roman Romans Ruth Song of Solomon Titus Uncategorized Zechariah Zephaniah
Past Meals
Tag Archives: a seat at the table
Chez Wisdom
Been mostly offline this week as I've been on almost full-time grandpa duty. Doesn't seem possible that one little toddler can consume so much of a grown man's energy . . . but that's why I guess, generally speaking, parenting … Continue reading
Posted in Proverbs Tagged a seat at the table, the King's table, truth, wisdom 1 Comment


text: The Truth about Modifications and Lift Kits – Are you covered? Written by Fairway Insurance Services on 8/23/2018 6:39 AM in Vehicle Modifications, Lift Kits, Auto Insurance, Customization. It has 0 Comments. Does your vehicle have a lift kit or other modifications? If you answered yes, you may not be covered on your current policy. The application that you sign for your insurance policy asks if your vehicle has been modified. If you answered no and the vehicle has, in fact been modified, your policy contract with the insurance company could very likely be null and void. There are many modifications that can be made to a vehicle, but some can affect whether your vehicle meets safety rating laws or the underwriting guidelines of your insurance company. Modifications such as lift kits and engine upgrades etc., can seriously affect the safety of a vehicle, particularly if it is not installed properly. For this reason, insurance companies need to be aware of any changes made to the vehicle and, depending on the specifications, may decline to insure the vehicle. Lift kits are the most common of the modifications that we see and are often overlooked or not reported. This could create a serious problem if you are in an accident and find that your claim is not covered. Custom paint jobs may not necessarily affect the safety rating, but certainly may affect the value of the vehicle. If you have a lift kit or any other modifications, or are considering modifying your vehicle in any way, contact your Broker first to determine if you are covered. They can also help you by letting you know what they require to determine an agreed value in the event of a covered loss. The good news is that Fairway has options for you! We represent select companies that offer coverage for vehicles with professionally installed modifications at competitive rates. Give us a call!


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You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'l-o-v-e' category.
michael played a show on friday and performed one of the songs he wrote for me! can't wait till i get to see him play live in person, but for now, video (and a few private showings!) will have to suffice:
isn't that so sweet?! reason #283 why i love him!
so of course in the midst of all things changing with the move, there's also the obvious factor that now i have a boyfriend who lives states and states away and who i really love.
the long-distance thing has admittedly been a bit of a struggle, but it's also something that i've known from the beginning: if God allowed it to happen, it has to be for a reason. it has to be for the benefit of our relationship, not the detriment.
and i believe it has been. it's really encouraged deep and healthy communication that's often been absent from other relationships in the past. we talk about our days and our thoughts and our struggles and, before we wrap up our conversation for the night, we take some time to ask some "get to know you questions," which range from "what were you like in high school" to "if you could only have one table utensil to eat with for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?" i know it sounds silly but it's really been so much fun! (and for the record, michael's questions are usually a lot more interesting than mine, but the idea itself was mine, so i guess that makes up for it!)
then, the distance makes it so that we have to be intentional about connecting with one another, so we started our own little book club together. we're reading the same book together and then once a week, we go through, chapter by chapter, to discuss what we read and what we thought about the readings that week. it's allowed some really theologic and thoughtful conversations. and we don't always agree, but the fact that we're able to be open and really get to know each other's thoughts has been quite a privilege. and i don't think we would have been that intentional if we were living in the same city.
because even now, when we do visit each other, it's so easy to get caught up in the ordinary tasks of hanging out like watching tv or running errands. which are also totally a part of the relationship-building equation, but can easily become a distraction from talking about life's deeper side. we can go the whole weekend and wonder where our time went together.
we've only been dating for about 2 months now, but it's been awesome. i feel like we've really gotten to know each other and he's truly become my best friend. and of course, as in most friendships, we don't always agree on things. but the fact that we've been able to talk through those disagreements and open up and still love each other through them… has been really encouraging. i don't feel like we're faking it. i feel like we're able to be totally ourselves with one another (or at least we're getting there), and things are still good and we still love each other.
he's coming up to visit next weekend; i'm already counting down!
"these are the days that no one sees…" is part of a paul westerberg song. "…they run together for company."
awhile ago i read a book called "anonymous" that talked about how God puts seasons of anonymity into our lives to prepare us for our seasons of action. she paralleled it to the fact that Jesus was "anonymous" for years until he finally was ready to take the steps that would make him affect the world.
one of the analogies she uses is of trees and how the different seasons affect them: during the summer, their leaves are full and coat the limbs, but when winter comes, the leaves fall off and all you see is the tree's infrastructure–that's all that's left and all that lasts. so it is with us: what the plenty of summer hides, the nakedness of winter reveals: the strength of our infrastructure–our character. but to get to that point, we have to grow to that point. so these seasons of anonymity, when we go unseen and seem unnoticeable, hide us and protect us and prepare us so that we have time to create and forge that infrastructure. when we undergo the winters of our life, our underlying strength will be strong enough and shine through–and sustain us.
a couple notes from the book: "anonymous seasons are sacred spaces, they are formative and to be rested in, not rushed through–and never regretted." and "we can easily mistake fruitlessness for failure. we naturally grant more weight to the visible than the invisible, so it's easy for us to underestimate its vital importance. we must not think unseen = unimportant."
i think that's a beautiful idea and it resonates with me, as i've recently become aware of one such season of anonymity that i've been trudging through. looking back, now i can see why my church's lack of mature christian guys has been good for me, even though it's something me (and various others) have lamented along the way and wondered where they went. for me, it's been protective and helped me guard my heart. it forced me to be still and quiet and focus on other things, things that will last longer than any random relationship. it gave God a chance to work and heal and restore what'd been broken and marred by the years of haphazard dating that i was accustomed to during high school and college.
it prepared me for when that season of meeting someone does come to pass, i'll actually be ready for it–not just in my head, but also in my heart and my spirit. God's used this "downtime" to root me because growth takes time. it's only now, after much fertilization and pruning and gardening, that i'm ready to be transplanted into that next phase of my life where this could come to pass. it's only just now beginning that i'm ready to handle what that (more specifically: the hearts and faith and community that i see in Grand Rapids) could offer to me. i have been in an "anonymous" place these past few years–but rather than stunting me, they've been establishing me for great things!
in the words of tara leigh cobble, "here's to hindsight."
Isaiah 55:13
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
last week, my favorite Tara Leigh Cobble posted yet another blog post that i wish i could have dog-eared and highlighted, had it not been on a computer screen. a reader wrote in and asked her how you know what to look for in someone to date? how do you keep your expectations in check?
her reply included a list of characteristics she looks for in a man (and she notes that many of them mirror what she looks for in a friend because that's what your relationship should mirror first and foremost):
- Do we like to do the same things? (not all the same things, of course – it's important for you to have individual interests that you can explore on your own)
- Do we like to talk about the same things? (Again, not all the same things, but the big ones. For example, it is an absolute deal-breaker for me if a guy can't expound upon his thoughts about spiritual matters. Being in ministry, this is too much a part of my life to not be able to discuss it with my best friend.)
- Do I respect this person? Even when he/she fails? And does this person respect me?
- Do we have fun? Do I enjoy being around this person?
- Does this feel natural? Is it easy to be around this person or does it require a lot of effort?
- Do I trust this person with my heart?
- Does this person make wise decisions? (For marriage, you will be making decisions with this person for the rest of your life. If they don't execute wise decisions, it will affect you forever.)
- Am I able to be my true self around this person without fear of rejection?
- Does this person understand me in a way that even I don't understand myself? (This is important if you are looking at marriage as a means to become holier and more sanctified, because this person will be able to help you develop your strengths and reduce your weaknesses.)
- Can I welcome the "hard truths" from this person when they challenge me?
- Does this person help me become all that God has called me to be? Am I developing into a better version of myself because of his/her presence in my life?
- Does this person encourage me, lift me up, and make me feel alive? Or tear me down?
- Could he lead? Would I follow?
- Am I this person's biggest fan? Do I think he/she is awesome?
- Does he/she make me love Jesus more?
if you know me well, then you know there are a few things that i'm a huge fan of: the color green, licorice, songs that sing about dancing, dancing in general, anything nature-inspired (the more birds, the better). so it is that over the past few months i've also become a huge fan of the website/blog/webcast for Boundless.org, which, surprisingly enough, is part of Focus on the Family.
i'm not one to usually listen to webcasts, but theirs is always one i relish, and when i sat down today to catch up on the most recent one–it was no different. because they're geared to the 20something age group and presumably because they're affiliated with Focus in the Family, much of their content has to do with relationships. of late, they'd been discussing the idea of "settling" when it comes to dating, which aroused a lot of uproar from readers. because they were urging people to settle and "just pick someone," i was among those scratching their heads about what kind of advice they're dishing out–because i truly don't believe that that's what my God has in store for me so it sat very uneasy with me.
in today's podcast though, i think they finally were able to get their point across: christians need to settle–when it comes to things that the world deems important. but they need to not settle when it comes to the things that the world doesn't deem important. in other words: focus on his character and spirit and faith, not on his wallet and wardrobe and height. i've always loved the idea that "the weak will be strong" and "the first will be last" and those sorts of turning-logic-on-its-head. so it is with this idea, where we take the opposite of society and then find success–which, too, is not of the world's standards.
ok so today at dinner we were talking about how these guys were going to a yankees training camp to try out for the team because they were amazing baseball players. well they show up to the first day 15 minutes late, and they just waltz in. evidently the coach walks up to them and tells them, "you know what? you need to turn around and leave because you're late and you're never going to have another chance at ball again." just like that–for 15 lousy minutes.
then there was the story about this kid who took a dare to show up at a school basketball game drunk, for $20. he takes it, gets caught and then… ends up losing a FULL RIDE to harvard. harvard calls him up and says, no thank you. a loss of an education at the premier school in the country all for a lousy $20 and some bragging rights.
as i'm hearing these stories i'm nodding my head, like yep, i totally know where that coach and where that school admissions counselor was coming from. because when you're laying the reputation of your school or your team on the line, you have to be selective; there are enough kids out there who can get by with "good enough" (whether academically or athletically). but the real test is how dedicated are they to your cause? do they have the heart to pursue it with all their might and all their soul? and in these two cases, those kids dropped the ball and revealed that they didn't take these causes seriously enough–they didn't appreciate the prizes they held and let them slip from their grip to shatter to smithereens with one stupid decision.
and i think about the guts that school and that team had to say "no" right on the spot, at the first sign of danger. rather than go, ah shucks and give them a second chance and hope they'll shape up next time. they realized that if you can't get it right from the start, why even attempt it? nip it in the bud at the first sight. demand the best because you know you deserve it–be willing to demand that.
which got me thinking about me dating boys. and why can i see that it's OK for a school or a team to do that, but not for me to do likewise when it comes to my heart/dating? why don't i have the guts to stand up and say, "no you blew it. you didn't call me back/you didn't treat me with respect/you didn't make an effort/you hurt my feelings/you didn't take responsibility for your actions/you didn't trust me." instead i turn to gush and waver and let it all slide. which doesn't demand greatness or achievement. instead it encourages mediocrity for the mere fact that it allows it.
and the reason i do that is because i'm afraid of the "what if"–that they won't do it again or that maybe he is the one. i'm afraid that if i mess up–if i cut the cord on the first sign of danger–that perhaps i'm pulling the plug on the one. i don't trust God enough to know that he'll make plenty sure that if it's the right one, that he'll MAKE the relationship pan out rather than fall through the cracks. or i get afraid that to do so is to overreact and be deemed an inconsiderate, unyielding snob. however, shouldn't i indeed demand excellence when it comes to my most crucial attribute?
today betsy got baptized and even before she stepped into the pool, i was already crying watching mere strangers get dunked and come up anew in their relationship with God. and i thought, this is why i'm glad i have a tender heart. this is why i'm glad that i haven't gotten jaded or bitter or callused over the various things that have happened in my life. i'm glad i get hurt easily because that's what allows me to love easily. which is even more reason to guard my heart, because it is fragile–and that is a good thing. but not something to allow to be abused. excellence ought to be demanded.
sometimes i just don't get emotions. like how you can careen from one end of the spectrum to the other within a single moment. or, in some cases (such as the current case at hand): without even noticing it.
but right now, that's a good thing. because i'm very much in a happy place. maybe it's the fact that last night i walked around with sparkly deer antlers on my head for hours on end and got to wear fake eyelashes. or maybe because i was also spending the evening with some of my (ahem) deer-est of friends, decked out in peacock, feline, giraffe, kangaroo, skunk and rabbit regalia, which is enough to make even the scroogiest in spirit crack a smile. or maybe it's because today i bought new slippers that are soft and comfy and super bright green. or maybe it's because after that, the Lovelies met and ate at Frisch's and then paged through some pretty bridesmaid dress options for the big bad July event. maybe it's because i just spent the last hour doing nothing but listening to the soundtrack i made for last night's party and dancing along at all appropriate parts (which, for the record, is almost the entire thing). maybe? maybe.
but does it matter where it comes from? because i have to wonder if we're even meant to understand emotions in the first place. think about it: emotions are the quality that set us apart from all other animals. yes, i imagine some emotions are instinctual (for example, a dog's ability to show sadness or excitedness). in the chronicles of narnia, it's this ability (to talk and show emotion) that set the narnian animals apart from the other beasts–aslan handpicks them. what i'm saying is, aren't emotions the quality in us that best reflect our God, who in fact is Love? so if we already can admit how BIG God is–too big for us to comprehend how he created life or his timing or his whole plan or how he does anything–then why wouldn't it make sense that this thing called emotion wouldn't elude us as well?
i take comfort in that, that sometimes it's not for me to try to grapple. sometimes it just is. and right now, it's good and glad and all things in that wonderful, beautiful vein.
this might come out of left field for some people, because i haven't really said much on the blog about all the specifics of what's happened in Paul-and-Carmen-Land, but suffice them to say that if you've gotten the inkling that i've been upset for awhile, I have. the thing that sucks most about it all is that I remember being so happy with him: i remember coming into work the day after talking to him and being giddy. i remember our first date and staying out late eating ice cream and getting scared by sprinklers, and our second date when he was the most considerate person i'd ever met and we kissed under fireworks. fireworks! where did those go?
well, that's the mystery. but also what we're coming back to. because we decided this weekend to break up and return to building that foundation–work on building it right again. because i guess in our haste, we glossed over that. i guess–i'm not really sure what went haywire, all i know is that it happened and now we're apart, but i'm glad for it.
the reason i'm glad for it is because through the whole thing, i've learned a great deal: a great deal about God and how amazing and myseriously he works and how his blessings work, and how to bolster my relationship with him and learn how to listen and how to trust, which has never been my strong point. but i feel like that, through all this, that has started to change. and for that, i can ask for no more.
it wasn't until thursday night that i realized we should break up. until that point, i was holding on to our memories and things past and trying, trying to make it work. but all the effort was in vain. and i realized, it just isn't working. and then i felt an amazing peace about everything–God's reassuring hand that that was the right path to follow. i knew it's what i had to do, what i needed. but i didn't want to. i was very hurt by the realization because it shattered a lot of my hopes. but yet, i still knew.
so i prayed for strength to do it and to not chicken out. i had gone up to columbus on friday and when i came home, paul texted if he can come over. i did want to see him. because i'm still drawn to him, despite this revelation. and then i realize: he's coming over to break up with me. and i was relieved; counting it another notch in the board that this is really what God intended for us. because God was doing the work for me. and that's exactly how it happened–he came over and we broke up together.
it made me realize how fully God does look out for me and how he totally met me halfway. i guess it's kind of like Abraham and Isaac, where all God desired was that Abraham be willing, and then he spared him. and here, even though i wavered (on timing), i knew it was something necessary that had to be done and so i was committed to the action. and once i made that commitment, God rescued me, just like he did with Isaac and the goat. it didn't hurt hardly at all, in fact the whole thing was actually quite beautiful.
it was beautiful because it was almost magical–how a few simple words can break the spell that had been looming over us and had made everything dark and clouded and dismal. because with those words set and us being released from each other, we were real again. i felt like time was rewinded to a few months earlier–where we left off. we were real again. we just had conversation. with nothing holding back, just fun, real conversation. it was really good and reminded me once again of the guy that i first met. tonight he told me i was beautiful and that he liked my hair and my nails and my sweatshirt and my socks. oh, how i missed those compliments. and so it's funny that they come back now. because now we're broken up. which is what i knew i wanted… i know there's a lot to work on, friendship-wise as well as spiritually compatible-wise. and so it's best to do that in a non-demanding situation.
i guess we're broken up, but with the potential for more. which kind of freaks me out because i'm afraid i won't be able to handle that. that i want all or nothing–either to be boyfriend/girlfriend or nothing at all. and by nothing i mean, we stop talking.
but i read an article just before The Conversation that truly speaks to that idea of learning how to live life in the balance, rather than black-and-white or all-or-nothing:
Sometimes following Christ means going 180 degrees from what our culture dictates. I'm learning about that, for sure. But other times it means taking a different route … a more difficult one. It is our fallen human nature to look for the easy way out, and it is actually easier to reject God's creation than learn to use it appropriately—because rejecting it means you don't have to actually think about anything, while learning how to use it wisely and well means … thinking.
that this is another chance for God to challenge me and teach me. how to go ahead without expectations. and just be. leave the details up to him. to let go and give him the reigns. whether we're together or i'm destined for someone else. that's out of my hands right now. and for that i should be glad. and not fret or over analyze or over think. because that will shatter the whole beautiful thing we have going right now.
everything with this situation has been beautiful–learning about God's will and getting more and more in tune with him, during this end. and looking at it now, i can see how things turned bad and could have hinged on that one point–that it wasn't until the relationship was falling apart, that i turned back to God and learned from him and drew near enough to learn. i love that he allowed me that. because he taught me and he MADE me come to him and he MADE me learn to listen. he didn't just give it to me, because that would have been too easy. but he gave me the opportunity to come closer to him and then i DID. i learned how to listen and how to discern. how amazing is that?
so i'm happy. in a weird, surprising, bittersweet, surreal kind of way. but happy, nonetheless…
i'm sick of my heart and would like to trade it in for another. that would pretty nice right about now. lash up the parts that aren't working and get a new one that is New! And Improved! where i don't have to worry or fret or fidget with old wounds or hurts.
i get afraid that my heart is permanently messed up, damaged goods and it'll keep messing everything up. that because it's been dropped and kicked and punched, that it will never learn its lesson and let up or be able to return to whence it came from–a place that's pretty and unjaded and not awaiting disappointment and salty tears.
[cue background noise: wah, wah.]
i just feel like the last month has not been good to me and this little heart of mine. october: you are no friend of mine. and it just makes it hard because matter of the heart always float to the surface and take precedence and color and tinge everything else around them.
but how is that surprising? the heart is so important to everything we do and every way we live our lives. it's supposed to be soft and supple and easily bruised. that's what makes it so effective. we just tend to want it to be something it's not: a machine that you can control and that is indestructible. mine isn't like that. i wish i could turn it off and type in the command, "don't overthink these things, don't do this, don't do that." but it never listens. it's an unruly heart. and while i'd prefer one that's more disciplined, i know that's not what i really want. because that's a poor excuse of a heart.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
i've been sad and upset for about a month now. and i'm sick of talking about it. i'm sick of thinking about it. i'm sick of even dealing with it. how do you move on and recover from soemthing like that? that's what i'm trying to do. because recovery is not an easy process either.
that seems to be the dominant theme here: things aren't easy.
and while i can appreciate that in theory, when it comes to real life i struggle and trip over it. and get all tangled up in it. which is where i am. i think if i were cast into a movie of my life, the camera would pull back and there i'd be sitting on a sidewalk, sprawled out with yarn unspooled all around me as people rush by and look down but keep on going, shaking their heads. and i can't for the life of me figure out how to pull all this yarn back together into a ball that makes any sense. or any sense that even a kitten would want to have anything to do with. much less a fellow human being.
and i'm not trying to be melodramatic. i know it sounds that way. and that you might feel like your first inclination is to email me and ask if i'm ok. here i'll go ahead and tell you, "no i'm not." but i think right now the answer isn't for you to try to make me feel better. because i feel like i've already been too self-indulgent. i just want to let it all go and keep moving along. i want to let all that go and quit trying to make sense of all these hard times and just release them. just let them float away and start off new. stand up from the pavement, shake the string from my limbs and skip off down the park and watch some old men play chess and little kids run around shouting and moms watching nearby as they read a book. that's what i want. it'd be nice to still believe in santa, and add that to my christmas list.
today could not be any more confusing, any more shape-shifting, any more clumsy. i can hardly think straight long enough to formulate a fluent train of thought, everything's so mishmashed and disjointed. i think that's what happens when everything gets turned upside down and you don't even know where to begin. that's how i feel.
but despite that, today has reignited my love for my friends, who make me fancy mashed potatoes and cookies with frosting and who come to hang out because they know i need it. of course i never doubted that; i know how blessed i am with my friends. but it feels good to feel loved and to know it, without a doubt, deep into your bones.
part of me is really sad and part of me is really relieved. and unfortunately i don't think this is the time/place to go into such things. so i apologize for the enigmatic-ness of this entry. but it feels good to admit that everything isn't ok. that sometimes things suck.
and so i'm reminded of a sermon jonathan did a long time ago–i'm guessing around Easter–when he talked about how, like Jesus, there are going to be Fridays in our lives. but, as with his ressurrection, SUNDAY will always triumph. so long as we love God and embrace his will, Sunday will always come and we will be rescued.
right now a Hey Mercedes song just came on, and it seems fitting: "it's such a beautiful day to be sad." because today after church, it started raining, big cold heavy wet raindrops. and i had to walk around in them. but i didn't run or try to cover up because it was comforting–that i was sad and the weather didn't laugh in my face, but instead consoled and let me continue that way, to ride the wave out and embrace it and sink into it.
before that was my favorite Smoking Popes song where it goes "no more smiles, it's just teardrops falling to the ground. now it's around here, i don't love you anymore. and i'm sorry about it, when did my heart change its mind? must have been near the changing of time. no more smiles from now on, they are all gone. i'll never understand what went wrong." and the third song in this little string of consolations is an Andrew Bird one, titled, "Don't Be Scared." which i think is a good note to end on. because Sunday will always come. and i know that even though things suck and i don't know what they mean or where they're coming from, that that is a comfort. and i have nothing to be scared from. God has carried me this far, so why would he let go anytime soon? He won't.
last night i just started reading "a general theory of love," which came highly recommended from a designer who was in town for work the other week. she raved about it, so i grabbed it from the library and am giving it a shot. about 40 pages in, and finding the book interesting but very academic. you have to focus to read it, and i have yet to come across anything particularly gripping or worth jotting down, but still. plus, the authors use lots of big words, so it's good mental floss!
it's silly to be happy about this, but i am. after months of bemoaning and not really doing anything about it, i've finally found my way to a new book that makes me giddy and unable to put down.
on sunday, i had an afternoon and evening to myself. so after taking a nap and then finally making my way to the grocery store and back, and finishing the book i'd previously forced myself through (unfortunately i have to admit it was "the lion, the witch and the wardrobe," which i'd originally read years ago and didn't remember being so simple)–it was still early. i'd already caught up on all of my television shows (which is impressive in and of itself), so i decided to pick up another book from my shelf. i'd started collecting a lot from the library in hopes that one of them would stick. as it turns out, the one that did was one i'd bought a long time ago. it's called "with or without you" by cameron conant.
it's another relevant book and it's a guy's memoir about his relationship–into love and eventually out of, culminating with getting divorced. i think that's one of the reasons that i'd put off reading it; because i was scared of what i'd read or what it'd say or how it'd change my own insights. i was afraid it'd make me sad and depressed and weary of relationships.
but it's heartening and very human. you feel sorry for the guy–what started out as love morphs into hardened hearts and unapologetic expectations–but you also totally relate to him. you can see how something started out so innocent–the idea that "I couldn't imagine life without her"–and how that just isn't always enough to base a relationship on if you don't have other things in place, namely resting on God instead of on another person. (i think the captivating and wild at heart books do a good job of talking about those ideas and how important it is to not manipulate where you look for fulfillment–it can only come from God, not from another, flawed human.) i think the reason why i like the book so much is because i do identify with him; it reminds me of the past relationships i've had and makes me thankful that those paths ended when they did, and i (selfishly) didn't have to go through all the pain that this guy did. it's encouraging and comforting in a sad kind of way.
right now i'm at the end, where he's talking about his spiritual life and how his divorce has shaped it. how he's learned to depend on God, but also how he feels like his Christian community hasn't really lived up to their end of the deal. i think he looks at it from the perspective of, that's just another reason why you have to let God and His grace be enough, but i think that's one thing that's sad to me–that i want to see people step up to the plate and be there for one another. of course that's me being hypocritical, because i know i let my selfishness get in the way, too. i just wish it weren't that way.
not sure if you have noticed, but i have been suspiciously absent for the past week. the culprit? i've been away to a distant land. a distant land called I Like A Boy. but what's kept me away so long isn't the land itself–i've visited there quite a few times, taken some day trips there–but this new part of town that i stumbled upon, He Likes Me Back.
this latter land is an elusive one, hidden out in the far fringes of the landscape. you have to traverse some steep mountains, being sure not to tumble down the rough terrain and rugged cliffs in the process. you have to wander through the flat, lifeless fields where it appears to just be an endless plateau with no end in sight.
and then you finally make it to that point where the grass starts to get greener and the leaves start popping from the tree branches. you're still walking and sweating, but it's not as bad at this point in the journey–in fact, you're quite enjoying it. you're looking around and noticing the beauty of the peaks you passed and the swaying grasses and hidden creatures of the meadow. a woodpecker swoops down and reminds you: there's more than meets the eye here.
so you sigh and smile and soak in the journey as it continues on.
and that's when you find it. that's when—when you least expected it, when you'd finally grown content in the pace and scenery around you—that you walk smack dab into this novel little oasis.
this land is ruled over by a young prince named Paul. he greets you at the edge and you take notice of how blue the skies are overhead and how, here, the butterflies dance about and the birds are whistling a fresh summer ditty. he offers to show you around.
you're used to the journey so you say yes, and walk alongside him. as he takes you farther into his oasis, he tells you all kinds of magical tales about bright shooting stars and other distant lands with princesses. you're so rapt in the storytelling that you forget to pay attention to where you're going, because you don't need to: you simply follow. but then, you stop suddenly, remembering that this in fact is a journey (and you recall how treacherous they've been in the past) and look up to see that he's led you to the very heart of the land.
you're now surrounded by a wall of pale yellow roses and bright, sunny daffodils that bend down and whisper in rhyme, "Hello, how do you do? We've been waiting for you." he chooses a bunch and offers them to you; he asks you sit down and stay awhile. he promises to show you more around the land tomorrow, because there's much to see. this is only the beginning…
i finished the thrill of the chaste earlier this week. and i would highly recommend it to any and every girl. here is evidence of that–all the places i found (and marked with cut-up post-its) noteworthy and memorable:
so in celebration of all those colorful bits of post-its, i'll intersperse some of the highlights:
when not being chaste (which means being intimate outside of committed love), you:
- learn to detach self from emotion and action; do it all without letting self get attached so that you don't have to get hurt–being preemptive/protect self. if you hunger for intimacy but fear rejection, it is MUCH easier to let a man touch your body than to let him touch your heart. (the answer is to stop protecting yourself and the only way to do THAT is to take yourself out of situations where you have to protect yourself–keep yourself from getting into those situations in the first place. to truly connect with someone you must be vulnerable.)
- plus causes you to objectify sexual partners to the point of being unable to perceive them but in terms of how they relate to our own wants/desires. it makes us more selfish and honed in on what we want from someone; neglect that they're actually human.
- often becomes a thing of power/control
do good, worthwhile men exist? they have to: for god's purpose of love and right sex to be fulfilled, both men and women must be capable of experience both to the fullest.
jesus compared heaven to a wedding feast and in Revelation, John writes that we'll celebrate a wedding in heaven: the marriage of the church to Jesus. when you unite yourself to a husband, you will in a very real sense be practicing for your life in heaven.
God uses the natural polarity between a married man/woman to right an unbalanced world. when a man and woman live together in harmony, the divine presence dwells in their midst. when you can take two things which are by defintion opposites and bring them together, this is a microcosm of the purpose of the creation of the world.
Return, return to the person that you were.
And I will do the same
cause it is too hard to belong to someone who is gone.
My compass spins. The wilderness remains.
— Bright Eyes "Make War"
after i found out about the old flame-turned-new-husband, i decided to email him and tell him congratulations. i could have ignored the fact that i knew, but that almost feels like hiding it or keeping a secret. i felt like since i knew, i should let him know that i know, and also that i'm OK with it. to push the awkwardness of it all under the rug.
i did that last year when i was at a weekend outdoor music concert (desdemona festival, for those of you who remember). i was there with one of my coworkers and his friends (a coworker who, yes, i'd dated but who at this point really didn't want to have anything to do with me, so that made it awkward enough as it was). and i saw the old boyfriend, watching the same stage as me (the VHS or Beta djs) with his girl there dancing. he had a camera slung around his shoulder and looked every bit the same from when we'd been together 3 years before.
well, we both ignored each other. he wasn't exactly in my line of vision (more peripherial) so it wasn't obvious to wave and be done. but that kept happening all weekend (at one point, he sat down on the other side of holly as we were sitting at a statue) and we just kept on pretending like we were clueless about it. i thought that was stupid, so at work on monday, i sent him an email telling him so. and that i hated that things had to be weird between us. he agreed and a decent email exchange ensued. nothing deep but, instead, very ordinary, update-y type things. it felt nice to acknowledge what had happened and then be able to react maturely, even if after-the-fact.
so the same was true in this incident. i sent him an email telling him how i found out and that i wanted to pass on my congratulations and that i hope everything went well. the next day, an email showed up from him where he said thanks and told me that they'd gotten engaged in april and had a 4-month engagement till the wedding this month. he caught me up on how his school's going. he offered to send me some pictures from the wedding if i wanted.
i wrote him back this morning and responded to everything, making pleasantries and updating him on my (slightly static) life. i told him, sure, he could pass along the pictures. but even in thinking it, just the idea of the whole shebang is weird. and so i decided to tell him as much: that thinking that the person i used to talk about marrying is now married to someone else, is just weird. i told him that it's funny how when you're so young, you're so sure of things, but that we really had no clue what it all meant. i told him that i'd never wished badly on him or on their relationship, but that, in a nostalgic sort of way, it was just plain weird to think about.
i want to be able to be OK with admitting those things and putting those things out there, even if they make me look less "put-together" or flawless. i wanted to acknowledge that and get it off my chest, rather than pretend that everything was peachy keen. for the most part it is, and as i've said, i have no regrets about any of that nor do i question whether i want him back: i don't. i know that for sure. but there's that little voice that says, "he used to love you–he still should! why doesn't he? how can he move on? why isn't he still pining?" that's selfish, for sure. but it's that little pang that hits that reminds me where we once were (in love) and where i am (not–in love) and where he is now (is–in love).
anyway, he responded and just said that now that he's older, it's made him question more things. i kind of just wanted him to say, "yeah it's weird to tell you, too," (not to discount what he did say). but i think, for me at least, it cleared the air because i wasn't sitting there pretending. and i guess that's a start in this whole lesson about learning what vulnerability means. i feel like that is the season of life that i am in right now, that i'm always going cycles and the cycle i've recently entered is one of learning more about honesty and vulnerability and opening up. so if i start to sound like a broken record, bear with me. i'm hoping that part of it sticks and lasts and the next bit of the cycle will make its way in due time.
there are two cds that i've been listening to on repeat lately and that i shuffle between, both of which make me feel very teeny-bopper-ish but for which i'm not embarrassed: avril lavigne and hawk nelson (even though this cd, letters to the president, is actually pretty old–sometimes it just takes me awhile to give some bands a chance; that's the pessimist in me not expecting them to be any good).
whenever i get a new cd, i can tell that i really love it–that i can even call it a favorite–if, upon popping it in, i listen to it on repeat, over and over again. if i keep going back to the same songs and can't bear to skip ahead because i like this one so much. the same was true for mates of state, the brunettes and, most recently, jack's mannequin. and yes, that has happened with these two recent discoveries.
but there's a part of one hawk nelson song (the title track) that's really resonated with me as of late:
if i was brave, i'd write a letter to the president
and have him give it to the leaders of our parliament
but for now, i won't say nothing
now, i realize that in this song, he's talking about something big and political and trying to help society. the reason why i like the song so much and empathize with it is for nothing so grand as that. it's because i love how he says that to speak up, to say "something," is a brave thing to do. and i feel that way a lot and am trying to be better at it.
every once and awhile, something happens that reminds me that i'm, in fact, 24 year. almost a quarter-of-a-century old. (i'm not complaining or bemoaning, it's just that i still feel younger and greener than most 19 year olds.) today was one of those days.
i went into kroger on my lunch break to buy some stamps (to send a thank-you card). the guy working the counter had also gone to princeton and after i confirmed he was who i thought he was (i never made an effort to stay in touch with anyone from high school), he told me that the guy i'd dated through most of high school and college had gotten married recently–did i know?
actually it just passed the four-year mark of when we broke up. i think it was august 2 in 2003, and we'd been together for four years at that point. i've never been bitter about any of it (i'll be the first to admit that i did enough of that while we were together) and in fact think that that–heart break–was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. it's why i'm advocate for heartbreak; not to be miserly or anything but because i think suffering and feeling like your world's upside down is enlightening. i'm sure that i'm neglecting things (i read in a book once that your mind, because it has to be be selective and can't remember everything, only chooses the extremes–the highs and lows–or your experiences and forgets the middle grounds. this could very well be the case here), but it seems that in that moment, i had my own butterfly effect and, with that one release, became a completely different person. now, at the time i was 20 and of course i would grow up in the years to come. but i really do think that that moment of "OK, then we're done" was the catalyst for who i am today. and so i'm actually thankful that he decided he didn't love me anymore. i feel much more at home with myself now than i ever did then.
and so when the guy told me, i asked him if he went to the wedding and he said no. i asked if he knew the "wife" (how weird is it to say that about a guy who you always thought you'd grow up and call your husband?), and he said kind of and I asked if she was nice and he said she was kinda goofy and i said good. and i mean that. i do want the best for them.
but it's weird. it's weird to realize that someone who i had spent nearly every day with for what was a quarter of my life, is not someone i know anything about anymore. he's grown up, he's made different choices and become someone totally different. i know the same is true for me, but it's hard not to imagine him as the same 22 year old i knew back in that other life. it's weird to think of him having the courage to ask someone else to marry him and then picking out a first-dance song and then a honeymoon and then furniture together for their first place. it's just weird because it seems like a life so long ago.
and that's when i realize how much i've grown up. that these things happen. i don't yearn for prom or for homework or for drama or having to pick a seat in the cafeteria. but i do miss the days when anything is possible and you don't feel like time is running out–you feel like it's always on your side and you live forever. of course i have faith, but it's weird to be snapped back to reality as i watch everyone else grow up and i simulanaously stand still and realize that while everyone else gets married or talks about getting married, i'm of marriage age but so far removed from it. it's a sobering reminder. and one i'm OK with for now, but just that causes me to cock my head to one side and blink and go, "hmph," at the curious thing before me.


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Sometimes, the voice I'm writing to turns out to be my own. Over the years, I've done VOs for Hotjobs, MSN, education.com and Toyota.
Toyota - Best Friend Ever
A little tale that tells how friends just need friends... who need friends.
Toyota - Skate Park
It's a beautiful morning... for a little worry and doubt.
Toyota - All Set
An answer is always out there to be found. So find it.
Toyota - Picnic
It's all for one, and that one is, of course, yourself.
Toyota Radio-Reliability
Toyota Radio-Hybrid Choice


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Steps and Procedures On Installing Pipelines
Has the term High Density Polyethylene pipe lining come across your mind?
To define this term, High Density Polyethylene pipe lining is a step to moving forward and advancing ourselves with technology. Modern technology have helped shape how we live now and made the impossible, possible by resolving problems and devising plans with the use of modern equipment to do so. Modern technology has solved a lot of problems from the smallest to the biggest of issues known to mankind. Now with the HDPE or High Density Polyethylene pipeline, your pipeline leakage problems will be minimized.
But how to exactly install pipe lining?
First step is when you want to get rid of a culvert, check to see if the liner can get through and easily get rid of the culvert. Flushing it properly before beginning with the process is also considered to ensure success.
Now you can insert the liner in two ways, either by pulling it from the other side or by pushing it. If you are thinking that you are going to do a lot of physical work to get this done, then you are thinking wrong because modern technology is involved, which is why you will not have to do this process manually. Without forgetting to spare five feet as exposed portion, you can avail various equipments and techniques for this. To acquire the equal slope, you should consider aligning it appropriately. One more thing, the exposed end of the first part should absolutely be faced against the other one.
You can also install a water tight seal for better security by positioning or installing a gasket. If you are looking for great results, installing the gasket in the groove is to be considered where it is as far as possible from the end.
After doing such, the fourth step of the process is to attach the couplings and the chains. The chains should be wrapped two times and away from the coupling, approximately two feet. Hoisting a chain on each side of the coupling is next.
Fifth thing to do is to start snapping the liners. Now in this process, the male bevel must be aligned within the female bevel. To snap lock the couplings, the alignment must be appropriately and properly done.
By pushing the fused liners, you can now insert it inside the culvert. To see if the alignment is nearly perfect, you have to keep on pushing the fused liners and pulling it. You can now snap the new piece of pipeline into the preceding one and fix the alignment again by pushing and pulling it.
Quotes: more tips here


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The Bronco-11 World Series held at Harry G. Daniels Park at Iron Bridge, is an event that's caught the attention of local baseball fans dating back to 2009. After receiving third-place honors last year, the Chesterfield Baseball Clubs (CBC) team looked to bring the trophy back home. Coming off... Read more
Bronco World Series starts Thursday
BaseballUncategorized July 28, 2016
Since 2009, the Bronco World Series has been a staple of summer little league baseball in the county. This time, Chesterfield Baseball Clubs (CBC) will look to reclaim the title after a third-place finish last summer. The Bronco All-Stars are coming off a gold bracket championship at the annual... Read more
The local baseball commitments, like a good poker hand, seem to be coming in pairs. And the good news is they are being dealt earlier too. Two outstanding athletes, Thomas Dale's Evan Lester and L.C. Bird's Trey Ramsey, announced their respective commitments to the colleges where each one plans... Read more
CBC Flying Squirrels Tournament
BaseballUncategorized July 13, 2016
When the weather is nice out, what more could you ask for than baseball? This past weekend the Richmond Flying Squirrels held their annual Flying Squirrels Regional Youth Baseball Tournament at Harry G. Daniel Park, and to no surprise, it was a great turn out. Many teams from around... Read more
Chester Mustangs 2016 County Champions
BaseballUncategorized July 13, 2016
The nine-and 10-year-olds battled out of the losers' bracket to win the 2016 Mustang championship on June 29. They lost to Gordon in the second round and battled back to beat them twice in the finals, the score was 6 to 4. This core group of boys also brought... Read more
Bellwood Shetlands' second undefeated seasonBellwood Bulldogs baseball went undefeated for the second year this season. The Shetland players have worked tremendously hard all year and look forward to the Fall 2016 season. Pictured described from left: Bobby Goodman, head coach; Shanon Cooper, team mom; Ronnie Litchfield, coach; Travis Hobson,... Read more
Turning Point
BaseballUncategorized June 23, 2016
"Sometimes to go forward you've got to go to the depths of your own personal despair and claw yourself back," former Scottish soccer player and manager Gordon Strachan once said. "From that point, no matter what happens, you know you can do it." While there's much work to be... Read more
Two Matoaca baseball alums received some of the highest individual honors this week for Randolph Macon. Senior Travis Lodge was named the Conference's Player of the Year while sophomore Rick Spiers earned All-ODAC first team honors. Spiers picked up the Most Outstanding Player in the ODAC tournament just days... Read more
Opening Day for Little Leaguers
BaseballUncategorized April 7, 2016
Opening day is always a big day for the Central Chesterfield Little League and their players. Brian Reed, CCLL president welcomed the 52 teams in the league along with team managers, coaching staff, team moms and their families that kept the yearly tradition and weathered the rain on Saturday... Read more
Matoaca alum and Yellow Jackets senior Travis Lodge started the season hot. Over the past couple of weeks, he has gotten even hotter. Both the ODAC and D3baseball.com have taken notice of his outstanding play. On March 28, Lodge was named Old Dominion Athletic Conference player of the week.... Read more


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January 5, 2016- Please Say No
"Please Say No" by Jimmy Eat World from Damage
Dana stood on the bottom step, looking upward, expectant, scared, excited…emotions cresting and crashing for mere seconds across her face. Angela could read them all. Every last one of them. And knew that Dana could see the same flickers and sparks dancing over her features as well.
They breathed out as one, heated breath curling the air around them in puffs of grey white smoke that hung in the air with stubborn resolve. Their hearts races and both trembled in complimentary rhythm with each other, adrenaline and cold combining to make it impossible to know who was the culprit.
Dana wondered if Claire would call tonight, after the conference before bed, or would just go to sleep. Claire used to call every night when she went on business trips. That felt very long ago.
Angela wondered if Dana still insisted on only wear that one brand of underwear. The one that clung to her…just so. She wondered and blushed and hated and loved the memory of it all at once.
"It's cold," Angela finally ventured.
Dana nodded, and shuffled one foot to the other, her coat separated from the wind taking advantage of that brief move. Angela caught a glimpse of the boots giving way to the fishnets leading to the skirt. She sighed. She had seen this one already and it always left her siding with her desires over her conscience.
"Did you need something?" Angela tried again.
"I don't know what I'm doing," Dana confessed.
Angela's heart broke a little for her. "What do you want to do?" she quietly suggested.
"I want to come inside."
Angela replied without hesitation, "Then you should." There was no point in pretending she had any intention of listening to her conscience, nevermind acting as her ex's too.
"Claire's out of town," Dana offered with a tone that suggested she was perhaps just observing the weather.
"Then you have even less of a reason to go home."
"You know…you know what happens…"
"I do," Angela smiles, sad and sweet, "I like what happens."
"But it's not real," Dana protested.
"It is real. It's temporary, but it's real."
"But isn't…don't you hate me for it?"
"I love you Dana. And if I have to settle for loving you once every three months, well, then that's how I'll love you."
"But Claire—"
Angela cut her off, "Claire isn't my problem. She's your wife, not mine. I like when you come inside. It makes me happy. You make me happy. How it affects her? I can't count how little I give a damn about that."
"I should care though!" Dana shouted back, much louder than she should've. Than she meant to.
Angela nodded, looking down and away, "Yeah, you probably should. Maybe instead of demanding yourself to care more, you should ask yourself why you care so little. Or maybe you should just stop worrying about it. None of us get hurt inside. Not you, sure as hell not me, and not Claire."
"If she found out though—"
"She hasn't. She won't. You aren't the only one who doesn't care enough about what she should."
Dana slumped her shoulders at that, as if Angela's words had the force of a baseball bat to the stomach. Angela felt a tinge of guilt but held her position. She didn't mind being the other woman, the secret, the ex that never left—however you want to put it. She felt no guilt for her activities and saw no reason Dana should either. Sure, if it was her, she'd have chosen divorce before infidelity. But if it was her, well, who knows? She admitted to herself that no one expects to end up in a marriage like Dana's.
No she wasn't bothered by any of it except the delusion and rationalization. That was the killer, the need to take on the guilt as though it would absolve. If you're gonna cheat, Angela wished she could tell her ex-ish, you should really have more fun doing it.
Dana finally spoke, "Please…please tell me I can't come in. That I should go home."
Angela shook her head, "But I don't want you to go home."
"And I don't want to either. But I should. And I'm asking for your help. Please."
"Dana, just come on and co—"
"This is so du—"
"It doesn't have to be this frau—"
Angela bit her lip and slaps the bannister under her hand.
"This is worse," she whispered tightly, "Don't ever come back here and ask me to play your cricket. You want to be better, be better. Don't make me make myself miserable so you can feel a little more morally clean."
Dana choked a sob, "I'm sorry I just—"
"Go home Dana," Angela replied, turning on her heels and ascending the rest of the stairs to the front of her brownstone, "Go home to your empty house, your cold bed, your pretty but bland place settings. Claire will be back before you know it and you go both go back to pretending like this is what you always dreamed love would be."
She nearly slammed the door, but stopped herself at the last moment. Being the other woman meant, eventually, you wouldn't be anymore. Either you'd be THE woman or you'd be the left behind. No sense in acting out about it.
Dana walked the 15 blocks home, too numb for the cold to bother her, too scrambled to remember which line on the subway made sense this time of night. It started to know. In 15 hours Claire would land. In about 16, she'd be unloading the Uber on the curb. Everything would be the same.


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Airgas, Inc. has acquired the assets and operations of Weldinghouse, Inc. and its affiliates, effective July 17, 2015, and Priority Energy Services, LLC, effective July 20, 2015.
The Tier One company has now completed nine acquisitions since beginning its 2016 fiscal year on April 1, 2015, totaling approximately $74m in aggregate acquired revenue.
Weldinghouse is an industrial gas and welding supply distributor that generated more than $19m in sales in calendar year 2014. Headquartered in Corpus Christi, Texas, Weldinghouse has four locations throughout southern Texas and nearly 40 associates.
"The addition of Weldinghouse's associates and locations into Airgas via our Gulf Coast Region will enhance and strengthen our position in this important market," said Jason Favre, Airgas President - Gulf Coast Region.
"We look forward to continuing to provide Weldinghouse's customers with the exemplary service and products they have come to expect and are proud to welcome Weldinghouse's associates into the Airgas family."
"Weldinghouse has developed a great deal of respect for the way Airgas conducts business and the value they bring to the gas and welding industries," said Gary Gray, Vice President of Weldinghouse. "Additionally, Airgas is focused on meeting the needs of our employees and customers. As Weldinghouse joins Airgas, our customers will reap great benefits and the South Texas welding industry will be strengthened."
Headquartered in Covington, Louisiana, Priority Energy Services is a nitrogen services company with approximately 75 employees operating out of seven locations in Louisiana, Texas, and West Virginia. Priority Energy Services generated more than $21m in sales in calendar year 2014.
"We look forward to welcoming Priority Energy Services' associates and customers into the Airgas family," said Tom Thoman, Airgas Division President - Gases. "With this acquisition, Airgas will now offer nitrogen services and solutions to process industries for purging and pipeline applications to optimize plant and pipeline operations, further enhancing the quality and breadth of Airgas' service and product offerings for our customers."
The acquired business will be integrated into Airgas as a newly formed business unit named Airgas Priority Nitrogen, LLC.
"It's an exciting time for Priority Energy as our nitrogen services group joins Airgas," said Chris Abide, President of Priority Energy Services, who will now lead nitrogen services at Airgas. "We feel that Airgas' culture and values are an excellent match for our associates and customers and look forward to a bright future and successful partnership with Airgas."


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Crime & Courts
Police investigating shots, car crash in Northeast Wichita
It didn't necessarily happen in this order. But on a well-populated residential street Wednesday evening, someone fired several shots, a Cadillac crashed into a telephone pole and a witness saw one man who appeared to be bleeding from an arm as people ran every which way.
Police are still trying to sort out what happened. Police Capt. Jeff Easter described it as a large disturbance that occurred around the time that words were exchanged during a gathering of more than 15 juveniles at Crestview and Harding, in a neighborhood just southeast of 17th and Oliver.
The disturbance played out around 7 p.m.
Police had a tracking dog looking in the neighborhood for possible victims or suspects, Easter said.
It's possible the shots were aimed at the Cadillac that crashed, he said.
When police arrived they found the Cadillac on Crestview with its front end destroyed after striking a telephone pole. Down the street, officers discovered a large tennis shoe in the middle of the pavement.
The commotion drew dozens of adults and children into front yards around the area, where police blocked off several intersections.
Few witnesses were providing information to police, Easter said.
One woman, who did not want to give her name, said the gunfire sounded like mortar rounds. She heard screaming and saw people running down a nearby street.
By around 9 p.m., police had yet to find the victim, Easter said.
SCAT (Special Community Action Team) officers from across the city respond to such incidents "so we can address this right away before we have retaliatory shootings... and to show the citizens that live out there in that neighborhood that we take this very seriously," Easter said.


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phase: Preliminary Examinations, Admissibility Assessment
The Preliminary Examination of the Situation in Afghanistan focuses on alleged atrocity crimes committed during the ongoing armed conflict which involves international military forces (International Security Assistance Force (ISAF), North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) forces, U.S. forces), Afghan government forces, and armed anti-government groups such as the Taliban. After Al-Qaeda terrorists attacked the World Trade Center in New York City and the Pentagon in Washington, DC on September 11, 2001, the U.S. launched the "War on Terror." The U.S. demanded that the Taliban government of Afghanistan surrender Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden and stop Al-Qaeda terrorist operations in Afghanistan. In October 2001, a U.S.-led coalition of forces invaded Afghanistan and attacked the Taliban government and Al-Qaeda terrorists. In December 2001, the Taliban government was ousted, and the UN assisted with the formation of the Afghan Interim Administration. In the course of the conflict, from 2001 to 2015, civilians were killed and injured by international forces, Afghan government forces, and Taliban and other armed anti-government groups.
ICC Status
Afghanistan is a State Party of the International Criminal Court (ICC) and ratified the Rome Statute on February 10, 2003. After receiving communications since June 2006 of alleged atrocity crimes committed in Afghanistan, the ICC Office of the Prosecutor (OTP) made public its preliminary examination in 2007. After opening a preliminary examination, to make a determination to open a formal investigation, the OTP assesses the following factors: jurisdiction (temporal, territorial or personal, and subject matter); admissibility (complementarity and gravity); and the interests of justice.
As of November 2016, the preliminary examination of Afghanistan is in the admissibility assessment phase. The OTP reported that the OTP "is concluding its assessment of factors set out in article 53(1)(a)-(c) and will make a final decision on whether to request the Pre-Trial Chamber authorization to commence an investigation . . . imminently."
For more information on the preliminary examination in Afghanistan, please visit the ICC page.


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An OBE, interrupted
October 17, 2010For the last two nights I've been doing some chanting before going to bed, and then meditating for as long as I felt like it, without using a timer. As expected, this led to an OBE last night, or at least the start of one ... Because then, just as the OBE was clearly starting, there was some yelling in the parking lot outside, and then doors slamming, and then more noise, and during all this I had to decide, do I want to go on this OBE ride, or should I stay 'here'? Well, personally I'm not comfortable going on an OBE while people are yelling, slamming doors, and throwing things in the parking lot and apartment next to me, so I aborted the mission. After that I didn't come close to another OBE, either as I was falling asleep, or later during the night. So one thing to note here is that there's a clear relationship between chanting, meditating, and OBEs, at least for me. The other thing I've been doing lately is going to bed earlier, probably because it's dark here so early. I finish up my work, have dinner, watch a little something for entertainment, and by 8 p.m. I start getting ready for bed. Before going to sleep I do the chanting and meditation, and then I'm in bed by 9-9:30p.m.. A couple of days I slept in until 7.a.m. or so, and that's what I wanted to note here: That extra sleep has led me to be 'over-rested', so during the last couple of nights I've been ready to get up by 3 a.m. or 5 a.m., and so this morning I finally did get up at 5-something.


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Spending Spring Break in Auburn
The week of relaxation we have all been looking forward to is almost here: spring break.
Many of us are packing our bags, preparing to head down south for sun and sand. Some of us are heading home for the break, ready to visit with family and friends. And the rest of us are here, spending our break in the big "AU."
Staying in Aubs might not be ideal for some, but you don't have to travel anywhere to have a fun time. Auburn is overflowing with cool finds; you just have to know where to look. Here are five things you should do in Auburn to make the most of your break at your home away from home!
Go to All the Local Thrift Stores.
Thrifting is my absolute favorite pastime. If you haven't hit up any thrift stores in town yet, spring break is the time to start! Thrifting is an excellent way to find timeless and unique pieces for a great price. If you aren't looking for clothes, check out the furniture for fun DIY projects! Ready to find a store? Just type in "Auburn thrift stores" to Google, and a list of local thrift and consignment shops should appear.
Spend a Day Doing All "Auburn" Things.
Okay, it may sound cliché, but doing Auburn-y things over Spring Break is so much fun. A ton of students will be gone, which means the usually packed hangout spots won't be as crowded. Put up a hammock or have a picnic on Samford Lawn, and just enjoy the day. Don't forget to bring your Toomer's lemonade or snap a pic by the War Eagle Wall!
Make the Most of the Parks Around Town.
The weather will (hopefully) be nice, which means you should be outside as much as you can! There are a few AUsome parks and preserves around town that are great for a day of exploring. Hike, bike, or take a dip at the popular Chewacla State Park, or hang up a hammock and grab a good book to spend the day at the more secluded Town Creek Park. Check out our other favorite outdoor escapes here.
Volunteer and Make a Difference.
Spending spare time to help others is always a rewarding option. In Auburn, there are a ton of volunteer opportunities. If you like animals, the Lee County Humane Society needs daily volunteers. All you have to do is apply and attend an orientation. Other local volunteer options include the East Alabama Food Bank, the East Alabama Medical Center and the Louise Kreher Forest Ecology Preserve.
Check Out the Local Coffee Shops.
Finally, make sure to visit the local coffee shops. If you don't already have a favorite, now is the best time to find one! They won't be packed with students, so take advantage of them! Make the most of your time by bringing a new book or getting ahead on a future assignment. Check out our favorites here!
Planning on leaving Auburn for the break? Let us know where you're headed below or on social media @auburncampusrec! Whatever you decide to do over the break, we hope you stay safe and have fun!
As always,
Be well, Auburn.
Photography: Julia B. and Henry G.


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On June 29, Becca and I were getting ready for bed when I heard a lot of noise outside.
I walked out onto the porch to see all of our plants bending sideways, and our horse wind chimes looked like they were about to gallop down the street. What we didn't realize at the time is that the majority of Roanoke and the state of Virginia had lost power due to a derecho.
I got to the church early to meet Eric, and was introduced to Father Joe.
"Are you ready to punt," Father Joe said.
At first I thought the wedding was cancelled. Then I realized he just meant that we would have the wedding without lights or power.
Little did I know that Emily had her own crises to deal with earlier that morning. (Becca filled me in later.) The salon that the bridesmaids had appointments with didn't have power, so they had to go somewhere else. And Loch Haven Lake (the reception site) didn't have power, and they were located on a well. So they had to track down two porta potties to have delivered to the site.
The main sanctuary was lit with only five or so candles, one skylight in the back and light filtering in through the lobby.
Despite the 81 mph winds the previous day, no power, no AC and 102° temperatures, Emily and Eric were married and it was beautiful.
Emily and Eric, we wish you luck and a life that never has to deal with temperatures that high and no AC, ever again.
-- Ryan


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Now that you have the basics of calligraphy and can create minuscule sand majuscule letter forms and words, learn the beautiful and traditional form of Copperplate Calligraphy. You will learn about Copperplate style, flourishing and more.
The class will cover:
- A review of basic strokes and letter shapes
- A short history and use of Copperplate styles
- Uppercase letters with an introduction to flourishing
- How to create beyond letter forms and write words (spacing, letter angles, setting up projects, etc.)
Included Supplies ($40.00 value):
- 1 oblique pen holder
- 2 nibs suited for Copperplate style Calligraphy
- 1 jar of ink (black calligraphy ink)
- Paper (suited for calligraphy)
- Drill and Alphabet practice sheets with majuscules and flourishing guides
- Pencil, eraser & ruler
Ink can get messy! Dress appropriately. You are welcome to bring your own apron or smock :) Workshop Price: Register by 2/9/18 $90.00, $105.00 after; Members save 10% off all workshop pricing (Save 20% when you sign up for the trio package!)
Cancelation Policy:
Though we understand that life throws you curveballs, most of our workshops require advanced purchase of supplies.
If you need to cancel a workshop, we are happy to extend a full refund less a $5 processing fee 2 weeks prior to the workshop date.
If you cancel less than 2 weeks from the date of the event and we are able to fill your spot, we will happily extend a full refund less a $5 processing fee; otherwise, we are not able to extend a full refund.


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The ladder has been reset! There's a lack of competition for a bunch of players (me included) now that the HDO4 is in playoffs.I'm going to start HDL season 1, which will run from Today , September 4th until December 4th. At the end the winner will be put on HD's achievements page (Work in progress). That page will have the POTMs, previous HDO finalists, and HDL winners. I want the ladder to have similar rules throughout all the games, to encourage more players from different games to play eachother, so here are the acceptable games/gameplay:
RulesAll games are to be played with SRS (because of t-spins)First to 10, win by 2You can play the same player unlimited times but no more than twice in a row.In either the challenge comment or the match report comment, list what game was played.BOTH players MUST report immediately after match ends.2 week inactivity = 250 points rating penalty. If you reach 0 you will be removed from the ladder.There's now an automatic PM system when issuing a challenge. To sign up: http://www.harddrop.com/ladder
To issue public challenges reply to this thread: http://harddrop.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=2652Feel free to reply to this thread with public challenges if you want to.
You must be logged in to post a comment.


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It's a sad fact of life that doing the work of a makeover takes far longer than promising to blog about it. But, at last, I have some pictures to show you.
There is a process I go through when re-doing any room, and I'd like to share it with you.
The first step is to assess what you have. What are the room's strengths and weaknesses? What do you love about it? What do you loathe? What's your budget?
In the case of our new kitchen, I love its nice square shape. I've had to work in too many long skinny kitchens through the years. Square is much easier to work with.
I love that it has two windows and a door, each on a different side of the house. So it's flooded with light, especially in the late afternoon.
The door itself is problematic, since it opens right next to the stove. Plus it tends to fall off its hinges when you open it. That and the fact that there's at least a two inch gap between the bottom of it and the floor made replacing it a top priority.
We also needed new appliances, since we sold our last set with the place in Sebringville.
It may surprise you that we only bought three new appliances for the house - a fridge and stove for the kitchen and a washing machine that will live in the basement. We don't own a dishwasher, microwave or dryer. The refusal of the dishwasher and dryer are due to environmental concerns. And we really don't like what microwaves do to the food.
So. A simple, basic kitchen. We're keeping the small bank of cabinets that came with the place. I love that they're solid wood, hand built in the 50's (the drawers only fit the opening they were made for). And this little set-back under the sink - try getting that on a brand new cabinet!
And this little set of cupboards is pretty much what sold me on the house!
The new appliances and back door used up our budget for the year (and then some!), so everything else that goes in here will be stuff we already own.
Stay tuned!
And next time I'll tell you what I did to turn the counter top and backsplash from navy blue to white!


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A better name for what I do is relational therapist, as I am always taking into consideration how the relationships my clients have are affecting them and influencing their problems. Even though I specialize in couples, I thoroughly enjoy working with individuals as well. In individual therapy, I have the opportunity to connect with my client in a different manner than couples therapy, where the relationship becomes my client. I find some of my most rewarding work comes from helping individuals change problematic sexual behavior and overcome past sexual trauma.
I also specialize in sex therapy which means that not only am I comfortable talking about sex and intimacy, but that I have had additional training in sexual dysfunction and other sexual issues. I am certified in sex therapy by AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) which is the foremost sexuality certification organization. I believe that life is too short to live without a truly intimate connection and I am motivated to help others learn to reconnect and save their relationship. I also feel that if a couple decides to end their relationship that it is important to do so in the best manner possible, which is why I offer divorce discernment counseling as well as help individuals and families adjust to divorce.
I hold a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology from the University of Wisconsin–Madison and a Master's of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from Edgewood College.
I am an active member of Collaborative Family Law Council of Wisconsin (CFLCW), American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) as well as Wisconsin Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (WAMFT).