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It's a good time to be Teemu Hartikainen
Jonathan Willis
November 06 2012 05:50AM
In yesterday's AHL grades piece, I wasn't overly enthusiastic about Teemu Hartikainen. That doesn't mean I wasn't optimistic about his NHL future – far from it. In fact, he's done as much to cement a shot at an NHL job when this lockout ends as anyone on the team not named Justin Schultz.
What Hartikainen Doesn't Need To Be
Here's what I wrote about Hartikainen yesterday:
I've been awfully impressed with Teemu Hartikainen, though he clearly isn't at the same level as Eberle and Nugent-Hopkins. He's been an effective guy in front of the net, and he's been a pretty decent wingman for the NHL kids. The play typically dies on his stick more than it does on that of the other two, and despite improvements in his skating he's not exactly fleet of foot, but he's shown enough that he might get a skill line audition when NHL hockey returns.
I've never been overly impressed with Hartikainen's offensive abilities. His nine points in ten games is the best clip he's managed over his young career. Prior to this year he's been roughly a 50-point guy in a full average AHL year. That's significantly lower than we'd like to see for a guy auditioning for a skill line. He's also recorded 10 points in 29 career NHL games – both of those things point to a guy who might be a 30-point man in the majors.
Realistically, though, Hartikainen doesn't need to be a Milan Lucic or Ryane Clowe or Erik Cole (although all of those guys had relatively slow starts to their pro careers in terms of points, so we can't entirely dismiss the long-term possibility that he might grow into that sort of player). He doesn't need to be a 30-goal scorer or a 50/60-point man in the NHL. All he needs to do is keep up.
What Hartikainen Needs To Be
All Hartikainen really needs to do to stick in the top six is be a 35-to-40 point guy. It's okay if he's the third wheel on whatever line he's on – as long as he's banging around and adding a little chaos to the mix.
In terms of comparables, we might liken him to Dainius Zubrus, the long-time winger who spent most of last season on New Jersey's second line. Zubrus is a 6'5", 225lb utility guy who has reached more than 1,000 NHL games in his career simply because he's big, pretty physical, and can chip in occasionally. He's scored in double-digits for the last 12 seasons; he's typically in 35-45 point range. Just twice in his career has he scored 20+ goals or 50+ points.
Personally, I see no reason why Hartikainen can't enjoy a Zubrus-style career. His performance in the minors so far suggests that placed with high-end skill, he can chip in more than he has in his career to date. His career to date indicates that he's probably a 30-point guy in the majors. If Hartikainen's a 30-point guy in the top-nine, gusting to 40-50 points when he's given a bump in role, that's going to be enough to have a very solid career given his other attributes.
Why These Are Good Times
The Edmonton Oilers have been searching for a big power forward for ages now; certainly since Kevin Prendergast was first promoted to the chief scouting position, and arguably longer. It's been a quest that hasn't worked out very well to date.
Teemu Hartikainen isn't the perfect fit for the job. His offensive skills could be a little sharper. He could be meaner on a more consistent basis. He could also probably be a little bigger and a little faster. But none of that matters, because he's far and away the best fit the team has in the system. He's the only legitimate, nearly NHL-ready prospect the team has that combines enough actual hockey ability with physical edge.
Getting the breaks with a team is as much about suitability for team need as it is overall talent. Linus Omark, to use one example, is more offensively gifted than Hartikainen. Omark, however, has never really been a priority for the Oilers because if everything works out he's going to be competing for jobs with the Eberles and Hemskys and Yakupovs of the world. That's not the slot Hartikainen fills. There isn't a guy in the slot Hartikainen's aiming for – the closest fits on the current roster are probably Taylor Hall and Ryan Smyth, with Hall having too much value and Smyth's age lying outside the current core of the team.
Realistically, if the Oilers want to add a guy to the top six who can score a little bit but adds size and a physical dimension, they have three choices: Hartikainen, a trade outside the organization (which will cost significant assets, assets that could be used to shore up the blue line or the goaltending), or wait and hope that Mitch Moroz can be that guy.
Even if this team were run by Sam Pollock in his prime, it's difficult to imagine the trade for a big forward happening quickly. And even if absolutely everything goes right, Moroz is likely years away.
It's Hartikainen or its nobody, in other words. And with nine points in ten games playing with Eberle and Nugent-Hopkins, he's making a pretty good argument that he deserves a shot.
Recently by Jonathan Willis
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- Big decisions: the Curtis Joseph trade that never happened
November 06 2012, 06:43AM
Just add in some "fisticuffs" and he has the perfect game!
Wouldn't Pitlick be the next power forward prospect and not Moroz?
I don't think we should be looking at his point totals. I'm sure most players playing with elite players will have inflated point totals. Does putting Harti on that line in the big league hinder the ability of his line mates from putting the puck in the net? In other words does the play consistly die on his stick?
November 06 2012, 07:03AM
I wish there was another term we could use other than Power Forward...I dont even know what one is anymore.
November 06 2012, 07:18AM
Interesting you bring up Clowe, he is a UFA at the end of this year, also another name that tickles me where I itch is Clarckson from Jersey.
I would be not at all surprised if the Oilers target a couple big names this off season, Getzlaf-Perry-Clowe so on and so forth.
November 06 2012, 08:31AM
JW - "gusting to 40-50 points" ....Very clever. It jumped off the screen at me....well played sir.
He doesn't need to fight, actually I would prefer if he didn't. He just needs to stir sh*t up and protect the young guys with some physical play. If he's sitting in the box for 5min stretches he can't really protect anyone. I can't wait till this CBA gets sorted out and see what happens with the Oil.
November 06 2012, 09:23AM
Just because Teemu plays the kind of game the Oilers have been lacking, doesn't mean there should be offensive expectations put on him in the top 6 role.
He plays with the kids on the top line in the A because he's the next best. That likely won't be the case in the show.
I'd love to see him make the team but certainly without the power forward expectations as in Willis' comparisons.
November 06 2012, 09:41AM
I still dont see an opportunity for him to move into the NHL right away unless that "Wow" trade goes through. (Hemsky+Paajarvi)*New Management in Mtl=Subban?
If there is no trade then the Oilers still have Hemsky and Gagner to round out the top 6. And even if the Oil keep Hemsky or Yak on line 3 to start the year then there's Ryan Jones and Ryan Smyth holding spots down as veterans.
I am more likely to think that Hartikainen is the best available trade bait the Oilers have. He will likely play in the NHL, I just dont know if it will be as an Oiler.
November 06 2012, 09:56AM
Personally I have thought that he has looked like a player that is too good for the AHL and when he isn't on the kid line it seems like he controls the play. To say the least I have been very impressed with Harti's game. It seems like it takes two or three defending players to take the puck away from him. I see a bright future for him as he seems faster and stronger and IMO it has paid off big time.
November 06 2012, 11:42AM
Let us all hold hands and pray that Teemu turns out better than J.F. JAQUES STRAP. I had huge dreams for J.F, but they were crushed by his awe inspiring level of suck. Teemu seems to be a highly evolved cycle player, which will likely only improve with increased playing time and competition. Teemu has horrible skating mechanics but he works hard enough to get himself to were he ought to be. The guy hits like a fridge and he will likely have to learn how to fight as it is highly likely he will be jumped from time to time. Right On
November 06 2012, 01:53PM
I really like how he parks himself in front of the net (mostly on the PP). Not too many Oilers over the past years have shown that willingness.
November 06 2012, 06:40PM
@Matt Henderson
You might be on to something but I doubt Hartikainen will be traded. He could be the player that the oilers brass has been dreaming of for almost a decade. What if in the wow trade we got Subban for MPS + Hemsky and put Hartikainen on the second line?


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Bass Angler Magazine
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Bass Angler covers the latest seasonal tips, techniques and tactics from the world's best anglers - broken down in an easy to understand format so every angler can now fish like a pro.
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subset: commoncrawl


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Girl Scout Camp, Girl Scout camp, Girl Scout camp. Girl Scout camp is super fun! First, we go to a place called Camp Scoutshire Woods.Next we go to either the tents or the cabins. We clean the cabins a little and then cook dinner on an open fire. On Saturday we cook breakfast and do a flag ceremony. It's where we unfold the flag. Don't drop the flag! Our flag almost did but it was caught just in time! Next we learn how to do archery. There, they teach you how to use a bow-and-arrow. It's fun! Next, we put on makeup and have lunch.
After this, we go swimming and canoeing. We also learn to sing "Little Sally Walker Walking down the Street."We go swimming again and hiking this time too. Then, we go to sleep. On Sunday, we go home. If you go to camp, you will have fun like me because you'll meet new people and you'll learn to make butter. It's fun at Girl Scout camp. I love Girl Scout camp and you might too. I am looking forward to next time!


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Brown Deer Mom
Brown Deer mom offers helpful "takeaways" while traveling about town with two girls, ages 6 and 3. It's not rocket science, just a slice of life.
A Public Thank You to the Kass Family
July 5, 2012
Dear Mr. Kass:
My name is Lauren. I am 7-years-old. I'm writing this letter because I want to thank you for the awesome fireworks last night. Mom says people spend money on all kinds of things but you chose to give our community this very special gift.
My mom, dad and I had so much fun. My little sister did not. During the show, she covered her ears and cried. Mom took pictures of her and says she'll cherish that moment forever. I'm a big girl. I kept my eyes open because my dad and I like to count fireworks in the sky.
When I go back to school this fall, I'll tell my teacher about the fireworks. It's one of the best things I did this summer. I hope you had fun. My mom says that you probably saw your wife and daughter-in-law in the sky. We didn't know them but for a moment, we felt them too.
Thank you, Mr. Kass.
Lauren Brooks
Second Grader, Dean Elementary School
** Written by Lauren Brooks with a little help from Mom.
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The Spanish teacher at Lake Roosevelt High School, Guillermo Guzman, was arrested Thursday by U.S. Border Patrol agents and Coulee Dam Police on a number of federal charges, and is currently in Okanogan County Jail.
Among a list of charges that Police Chief Pat Collins said was expanding: Guzman had used someone else's Social Security number, wasn't a citizen, and didn't have a valid work permit.
The arrest was made late afternoon Thursday, and came about after the person whose Social Security number he was using had tried to file for benefits but was told he couldn't do so because he was still working. That's when the victim called Coulee Dam police.
Guzman has a bachelor's degree and master's degree from the University of Washington, had taught on the west side of the state and has been at Lake Roosevelt High School since 2008.
Grand Coulee Dam School District Superintendent Dennis Carlson said Guzman had passed the Washington State Patrol background test and the Federal Bureau of Investigation fingerprint test.
Guzman is from Mexico.
I have known Guillermo for many years, ever since he was a student of mine at the University of Washington. So I am very, very surprised to read this story. There must be some gigantic misunderstanding. Guillermo was not only a brilliant student in all my classes, but he is one of the most wonderful, compassionate, thoughtful, and dedicated students I have had in thirty years of teaching. His own personal story of overcoming hardships and challenges growing up, and then his passionate commitment to education, has been an inspiration to all his friends and acquaintances as well--and even to his former teachers! His goal was always to give back to his own students the joy of learning that he had discovered in school, and in order to do that he went on to get a Masters degree in education so he could teach high school. I have actually Skyped with one of his classes just a few months ago (while I was still in Seattle), and enjoyed every minute of the conversation with his students. I earnestly hope that this misunderstanding can be cleared up as soon as possible so Guillermo can be back in the classroom where he belongs! Alan Wood Professor, History University of Washington Bothell
04/17/2013, 8:14 pm
Media has a duty to distinguish fact from opinion and to report both sides of a story without bias. Because reputations and lives can be destroyed long before facts are known we rely on the media to equalize the power imbalance between the government and individual by checking every "fact" before reporting it as such. We rely on the media to model the important American principal that all people are presumed innocent until proven guilty. Your article on Mr. Guzman's arrest does none of the above. You state "Among a list of charges that Police Chief Pat Collins said was expanding" and you fail to list any charges at all. Instead you state; as if already proven: "Guzman had used someone else's Social Security number, wasn't a citizen, and didn't have a valid work permit." Did you attempt to access the charging documents, review probable cause or attempt to reach Mr. Guzman for comment? Mr. Guzman was always available to students, offered free Spanish instruction to parents to help students succeed. He lived a humble lifestyle to send money to his elderly mother. Most importantly, although he has been accused of crimes he is guilty of none of them until such time as each element of each crime has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt. It appears the arrest has disrupted if not destroyed his life and your article has taken care of destroying his reputation before the man set foot in court let alone had his day there.
04/13/2013, 12:48 am


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It's pretty exciting to have the world's best cyclists riding into my home town this Monday, riding on the same roads I have become so familiar with... usually seen through a veil of blood, sweat and tears as I struggle up the big hills! Putting one's predictions in writing for all the world to see is risky, to say the least. But it does help fight boredom! Here I go:
The long ride down Highway 1 from Sausalito over the Golden Gate bridge will probably face a strong crosswind. That, plus the many rolling hills, will likely tire out the sprinters and maybe even open up some gaps as the riders at the front form "echelons" to fight the wind.
Even if the peloton stays together down HWY1 (a head wind is also possible, and that could prevent breaks from succeeding) then the big climb on Tunitas Creek Road might break it up. It is big, and gaps will open up. Depending on who is (and isn't) in the lead breaks, it is possible that a motivated team, like Columbia for instance, could bring them all back together in order to get their sprinters to the front on the next section down HWY1 before...
I've ridden up the decisive Bonny Doon Road climb close to a hundred times (though it feels like thousands!). It is decisive because it is steep, long and close to the finish line in Santa Cruz. Breaks will form, guaranteed, as the various body-types work for or against the riders in the race; big sprinters will struggle at the back (e.g. Tom Boonen, JJ Haedo, even smaller sprinters like Mark Cavendish), while small climbers will fly up (e.g. Levi Leipheimer, or local favorites Andy and Ben Jacques-Maynes). The top of the 25-minute climb is followed by several miles of fast descending down Empire Grade, and some tricky turns through old neighborhoods, narrow streets and into downtown for the finish on Front and Cooper Streets. That means the guys at the front at the top of Bonny Doon will be very hard to catch before the finish line.
This course's finishing profile is actually a lot like that of Milan-San Remo, and that race usually ends with a small group contesting the finish, or even solo attacks that stick (remember Fabian Cancellara's win last year?).
In short I doubt the peloton will stay together for a mass sprint on Front Street. That means the stage winner will probably be an all-around rider who can climb pretty well, and sprint. Perhaps one of the one-day classics riders like Oscar Freire or Fabian Cancellara... or maybe Levi will try to make his mark on this one. Robert Gesink won the similar Sierra Road stage into San Jose last year. Others like him who can climb, but aren't small, could shine due to their combination of climbing ability and high power that will help them on the flatter sections. I would add Lance Armstrong, but he is still getting up to speed and is riding in support of Levi anyway.
There, I have written down my predictions! Shoot away....


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Sitting face to face with a Satmar man schooling her in atavistic Satmar rules was the last place she wanted to be.
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
Two people and the gunman are dead after a man opened fire on holiday shoppers at the crowded Clackamas Town Center in Oregon.
A meaty neigh came out of the man before him, stark naked and on all fours.
Last year Villegas ended a year-long relationship with a man who was physically abusive.
I hold that a man has more to fear there from the ink-pot of the one than from the iron of the other.
I wanted to offer myself to you as a man of real achievement.
No, never, never will I be that man's—But I will not go with you!
Pope dealt with the question of God in Nature, and the world of man.
Why, man, the person who took this reckoning, took it this morning!
Old English man, mann "human being, person (male or female); brave man, hero; servant, vassal," from Proto-Germanic *manwaz (cf. Old Saxon, Swedish, Dutch, Old High German man, German Mann, Old Norse maðr, Danish mand, Gothic manna "man"), from PIE root *man- (1) "man" (cf. Sanskrit manuh, Avestan manu-, Old Church Slavonic mozi, Russian muzh "man, male").
Plural men (German Männer) shows effects of i-mutation. Sometimes connected to root *men- "to think" (see mind), which would make the ground sense of man "one who has intelligence," but not all linguists accept this. Liberman, for instance, writes, "Most probably man 'human being' is a secularized divine name" from Mannus [cf. Tacitus, "Germania," chap. 2], "believed to be the progenitor of the human race."
So I am as he that seythe, `Come hyddr John, my man.' [1473]Sense of "adult male" is late (c.1000); Old English used wer and wif to distinguish the sexes, but wer began to disappear late 13c. and was replaced by man. Universal sense of the word remains in mankind and manslaughter. Similarly, Latin had homo "human being" and vir "adult male human being," but they merged in Vulgar Latin, with homo extended to both senses. A like evolution took place in Slavic languages, and in some of them the word has narrowed to mean "husband." PIE had two stems: *uiHro "freeman" (cf. Sanskrit vira-, Lithuanian vyras, Latin vir, Old Irish fer, Gothic wair) and *hner "man," a title more of honor than *uiHro (cf. Sanskrit nar-, Armenian ayr, Welsh ner, Greek aner).
MAN TRAP. A woman's commodity. ["Dictionary of Buckish Slang, University Wit, and Pickpocket Eloquence," London, 1811]Man also was in Old English as an indefinite pronoun, "one, people, they." The chess pieces so called from c.1400. As an interjection of surprise or emphasis, first recorded c.1400, but especially popular from early 20c. Man-about-town is from 1734; the Man "the boss" is from 1918. To be man or mouse "be brave or be timid" is from 1540s. Men's Liberation first attested 1970.
At the kinges court, my brother, Ech man for himself. [Chaucer, "Knight's Tale," c.1386]
Old English mannian "to furnish (a fort, ship, etc.) with a company of men," from man (n.). Meaning "to take up a designated position on a ship" is first recorded 1690s. Meaning "behave like a man, act with courage" is from c.1400. To man (something) out is from 1660s. Related: Manned; manning.
An exclamation of surprise, delight, emphasis, etc; jeez, wow: Man! I almost missed it! (1896+)
A dollar; iron man: You oughta grab about 300 men (1921+)
Related Terms
ass man, backdoor man, box man, butter-and-egg man, candy man, company man, con man, dirty old man, fancy man, finger man, first man, four-letter man, g-man, hammer-man, hatchet man, he-man, hit man, honey man, hoop-man, iron man, jigger-man, juice man, ladies' man, leg man, ounce man, pete-man, peterman, point, poor man's something, rod-man, sandwich man, see a man about a dog, shack man, straight man, sweet man, tit man, trigger man, vent man, wheel man
[in the first sense, the very similar man alive is found by 1839]
noun phrase
(1.) Heb. 'Adam, used as the proper name of the first man. The name is derived from a word meaning "to be red," and thus the first man was called Adam because he was formed from the red earth. It is also the generic name of the human race (Gen. 1:26, 27; 5:2; 8:21; Deut. 8:3). Its equivalents are the Latin homo and the Greek anthropos (Matt. 5:13, 16). It denotes also man in opposition to woman (Gen. 3:12; Matt. 19:10). (2.) Heb. 'ish, like the Latin vir and Greek aner, denotes properly a man in opposition to a woman (1 Sam. 17:33; Matt. 14:21); a husband (Gen. 3:16; Hos. 2:16); man with reference to excellent mental qualities. (3.) Heb. 'enosh, man as mortal, transient, perishable (2 Chr. 14:11; Isa. 8:1; Job 15:14; Ps. 8:4; 9:19, 20; 103:15). It is applied to women (Josh. 8:25). (4.) Heb. geber, man with reference to his strength, as distinguished from women (Deut. 22:5) and from children (Ex. 12:37); a husband (Prov. 6:34). (5.) Heb. methim, men as mortal (Isa. 41:14), and as opposed to women and children (Deut. 3:6; Job 11:3; Isa. 3:25). Man was created by the immediate hand of God, and is generically different from all other creatures (Gen. 1:26, 27; 2:7). His complex nature is composed of two elements, two distinct substances, viz., body and soul (Gen. 2:7; Eccl. 12:7; 2 Cor. 5:1-8). The words translated "spirit" and "soul," in 1 Thess. 5:23, Heb. 4:12, are habitually used interchangeably (Matt. 10:28; 16:26; 1 Pet. 1:22). The "spirit" (Gr. pneuma) is the soul as rational; the "soul" (Gr. psuche) is the same, considered as the animating and vital principle of the body. Man was created in the likeness of God as to the perfection of his nature, in knowledge (Col. 3:10), righteousness, and holiness (Eph. 4:24), and as having dominion over all the inferior creatures (Gen. 1:28). He had in his original state God's law written on his heart, and had power to obey it, and yet was capable of disobeying, being left to the freedom of his own will. He was created with holy dispositions, prompting him to holy actions; but he was fallible, and did fall from his integrity (3:1-6). (See FALL.)


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Important Deadlines
Deadlines for admission into Eastern Illinois University are as follows:
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For graduate programs, some programs have an early deadline for admission. Please check the Graduate Requirements page for full descriptions of graduate programs and deadlines.
Please note:
Students currently attending another U.S. institution may apply after deadline by submitting the printable application form. Application files should be completed ten days before the beginning of the semester.
Deadlines for the International Student Scholarship:
- Fall Semester (Begin courses in August): March 1
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Who Should Make Corporate Law? EC Legislation versus Regulatory Competition
John Armour
University of Oxford - Faculty of Law; University of Oxford - Said Business School; European Corporate Governance Institute (ECGI)
June 2005
ECGI - Law Working Paper No. 54/2005
This paper makes a case for the future development of European corporate law through regulatory competition rather than EC legislation. It is for the first time becoming legally possible for firms within the EU to select the national company law that they wish to govern their activities. A significant number of firms can be expected to exercise this freedom, and national legislatures can be expected to respond by seeking to make their company laws more attractive to firms. Whilst the UK is likely to be the single most successful jurisdiction in attracting firms, the presence of different models of corporate governance within Europe make it quite possible that competition will result in specialisation rather than convergence, and that no Member State will come to dominate as Delaware has done in the US. Procedural safeguards in the legal framework will direct the selection of laws which increase social welfare, as opposed simply to the welfare of those making the choice. Given that European legislators cannot be sure of the 'optimal' model for company law, the future of European company law-making would better be left with Member States than take the form of harmonized legislation.
Number of Pages in PDF File: 58
Keywords: European Law, Company Law, regulatory competition, corporate insolvency, Centros, Inspire Art
JEL Classification: G34, H73, K22
Date posted: November 30, 2005
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|Posted by chuck on January 27, 2004 at 07:41:05:
|In response to Re: basement bathroom shut off valve
: : i guess i was thinking more of any types of flooding that may come from the rain sewers. My basement would be the first place in if there were any overflow. that is at least what was suggested to me.
: :
: : : : I am in the middle of my basement bathroom project and someone has suggested a shut off valve in the 3" drain before it hits the stack. My house sits quite high from the road but i still thought the idea was good enough to explore. I was looking for a 4" shut off valve to install in the line if such an animal exists. Does it? is this a practice that is suggested? If it does exist does it exist in PVC?
thanks for the response
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Brooks Adrenaline GTS 12 Performance Running Shoe - Womens
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SOUTH KINGSTOWN – A team of archaeologists from the
The discoveries were presented on Nov. 15 and Nov. 17 at the annual meeting of the American Schools of Oriental Research by URI assistant professors Bridget Buxton and William Krieger, on behalf of the Israel Coast Exploration project. The discoveries were made while testing equipment in preparation for an ongoing survey in deeper water. The report says that the findings are expected to shed light on a period of history [third to first century B.C.] about which little is known and could point to where additional remains lay buried. •
Monday, February 20


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Impo Amaze Boot
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Fitness Center
Located on the rooftop level of the Magnolia, the Fitness Center is connected to the pool and is downtown Houston's only rooftop pool, with spectacular views of the city. The Fitness Center features high-quality equipment, including three treadmills, two elliptical machines, two Stair Master machines, a Universal weight machine, and free weights. Exercise balls and mats also are available. The Fitness Center is painted in a soothing blue color, and has a mirrored wall and two televisions. Men's and women's restrooms and a towel station are available. Rooftop pool is open from 7am-11pm, nightly. Fitness center is open 24 hours with hotel key access.


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Cyriacus the Hermit of Palestine
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September 29
This Saint was born in Corinth in 448. He went to Palestine to the Lavra of Euthymius the Great, but because of his youth was sent by Saint Euthymius to Saint Gerasimus; after the death of Saint Gerasimus he returned to the Lavra of Saint Euthymius. Later he took on a more rigorous life of asceticism in the wilderness of Natoufa, where there was nothing to eat except the exceedingly bitter wild herb called squills, which, however, through his prayers, God made sweet for him and his disciple. He lived 107 years and reposed in the year 555.
Apolytikion of Cyriacus the Anchorite in the First Tone
Thou didst prove to be a citizen of the desert, an angel in the flesh, and a wonderworker, O Cyriacus, our God-bearing Father. By fasting, vigil, and prayer thou didst obtain heavenly gifts, and thou healest the sick and the souls of them that have recourse to thee with faith. Glory to Him that hath given thee strength. Glory to Him that hath crowned thee. Glory to Him that worketh healings for all through thee.
Kontakion of Cyriacus the Anchorite in the Plagal of the Fourth Tone
The sacred lavra doth at all times rightly honour thee as a sure helper and support and mighty champion, and it annually observeth thy holy mem'ry. And since thou, O righteous Cyriacus, dost possess boldness with the Lord, protect us from our enemies, that we may cry to thee: Rejoice, O thrice-blessed Father.


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Steve Madden Cut Out Fringe Tote
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Cowlishaw: If Jason Garrett isn't calling the plays, 'there's no point in him being head coach'
SportsDay columnist Tim Cowlishaw answered reader questions during a live chat Tuesday. Here are some highlights:
Is having an offensive coach calling the plays an issue with Garrett or with Jerry Jones?
Tim Cowlishaw: I don't know exactly what that question means. But if you're saying you want someone else to call the plays, then there's no point in Garrett being head coach. He's there as an offensive coordinator/head coach.
The barflies at my place were down after the Cowboys game, even though they won. Their general feeling is that RG III may have a career day considering the Boys have a rather mediocre pass rush. Will Ryan correct this lack of a pass rush this week?
Tim Cowlishaw: I am guessing if it requires blitzing they will do more to get pressure on Griffin. I think lack of rush was at least a little bit the product of the scheme. Also a product of the No. 1 picks on the Browns offensive line eating up the Cowboys rushers including Ware.
What will the Cowboys record end up?
Tim Cowlishaw: Split with the Redskins, beat the Eagles, lose to the Bengals and Steelers, beat the Saints. What's that get them to....looks like 8-8.


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By TERESA HUNSAKERUtah State University Extension family and consumer science agentWeber Countywith information from the Nationa
The public has been asked by the Federal Communication Commission to be prepared to switch to digital television by February of 2009. This move is intended to free up valuable airwaves for increasing timely and important needs such as police, fire, emergency and other broadcasting.
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Women's apparel retailer J.Jill goes public
Online sales for J.Jill are growing and hit $228 million for the 12 months ended Oct. 29.
Women's apparel retailer J.Jill goes public
Online sales for J.Jill are growing and hit $228 million for the 12 months ended Oct. 29.
Sycamore Partners buys The Limited for $26.75 million
The apparel chain filed for bankruptcy in January and closed its e-commerce site and stores.
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Sponsored by 2013 Social Media 300
Some Second 500 retailers use social media more effectively than larger e-retail rivals.
UGallery, a web-only retailer of original art, calls itself a startup. Founded in 2006, it's still a relatively small company, as it brought in around $5.5 million in online sales last year, according to Internet Retailer estimates.
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Take Vat19.com, for example, which uses YouTube to display its sense of humor and silly approach to product selection. It works, as the web-only merchant of giant gummy bears and other quirky gift items has more than 385,000 subscribers and 254 million video views on YouTube. Amazon, which also sells giant gummy bears, has around 4,000 subscribers and 1 million video views on YouTube.
On Twitter, it's mostly the high-end Second 500 apparel and accessories brands that rule. Half of the top ten Second 500 merchants ranked by number of Twitter followers are consumer brand manufacturers, and half are also apparel retailers. Those include Calvin Klein Inc., ranked No. 680 in the Second 500 Guide, DVF.com—the e-commerce site for women's fashion brand Diane von Furstenberg—(No. 878), and Lilly Pulitzer (No. 709).
When it comes to Facebook, however the Second 500 merchants that do well tend to be multichannel retailers. Half of the retailers with the largest following on Facebook are retail chains, including Spencer Gifts LLC (No. 724), Build-A-Bear Workshop Inc. (No. 575) and Dollar General Corp. (No. 796).
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The Supreme Court is surely going to find this question right back on their doorstep next year."


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JST, Luke 17:36–40.
36 And they answered and said unto him, Where, Lord, shall they be taken?
37 And he said unto them, Wheresoever the body is gathered; or, in other words, whithersoever the saints are gathered, thither will the eagles be gathered together; or, thither will the remainder be gathered together.
38 This he spake, signifying the gathering of his saints; and of angels descending and gathering the remainder unto them; the one from the bed, the other from the grinding, and the other from the field, whithersoever he listeth.
39 For verily there shall be new heavens, and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.
40 And there shall be no unclean thing; for the earth becoming old, even as a garment, having waxed in corruption, wherefore it vanisheth away, and the footstool remaineth sanctified, cleansed from all sin.


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Skip to comments.Canadian-born Ted Cruz says facts are clear hes eligible to be president
Posted on 07/21/2013 9:20:29 AM PDT by Ira_Louvin
Sen. Ted Cruz rejected questions Sunday over his eligibility to be president, saying that although he was born in Canada the facts are clear that hes a U.S. citizen. My mother was born in Wilmington, Delaware. Shes a U.S. citizen, so Im a U.S. citizen by birth, Cruz told ABC. Im not going to engage in a legal debate. The Texas senator was born in Calgary, where his mother and father were working in the oil business. His father, Rafael Cruz, left Cuba in the 1950s to study at the University of Texas and subsequently became a naturalized citizen.
President Obama has been hounded by critics who contend he was born outside the U.S. and, therefore, ineligible to win the White House. Obama was born in Hawaii. But some Democratic critics have taken the same charge against Obama by so-called birthers and turned it against Cruz. The Supreme Court has not definitively ruled on presidential eligibility requirements. But a congressional study concludes that the constitutional requirement that a president be a natural born citizen includes those born abroad of one citizen parent who has met U.S. residency requirements.
I can tell you where I was born and who my parents were. And then as a legal matter, others can worry about that. Im not going to engage, Cruz said in the interview with This Week on ABC.
(Excerpt) Read more at trailblazersblog.dallasnews.com ...
I agree to the extent I believe (strongly) that Ted Cruz would be a very good Vice Presidential candidate.
For Palin.
Let Palin take the lead, and give Ted Cruz four years to sort out whether he is.
Palin / Cruz 2016.
After the 2 term obama birth mystery, I think precedent says it doesn't matter WHERE a presidental nominee is born. Or where he/she grows up and has been raised.
One more reason we should not have let The Usurper prevail in his campaign to suppress the Natural Born Citizen qualification.
The flood gates open...
Like Ted Cruz just fine, and in his defense, his father naturalized so it's not the same situation as BHO Sr.
But his is a background of less than obvious attachment to the U.S., no matter how good he is on policy.
There are millions of people who do meet all the requirements. No need to make exceptions. Look what happened when we did.
Why did Congress need to make Winston Churchill an honorary US citizen if his mother was also an American?
I personally think a good many of our post 08 birthers are here to sow discord and nothing more.
They certainly drove me away from the issue and I was one of the first.
No, that O's father was not a citizen, therefore he isn't a "natural born" citizen. If both Cruz's parents were citizens, then he qualifies.
To become a citizen of the United States you have to either a "natural born" citizen OR a "naturalized" citizen. It's clear. Regardless of what anyone says or believes. There are only TWO CHOICES! Period! It's that simple.
You either became a U.S. citizen by birth (natural born), or by formally application process!
I think the real issue is that Obama had dual citizenship at birth (regardless of where he was born), since BO Sr was a British citizen, and that is the British rule on such things. Our Founders did not want someone with divided loyalties. If Cruz had Canadian citizenship at birth due to being born there, then I would say the same thing about him.
On the other hand, it's obvious that Ted Cruz loves America as much as Obama hates it.
Scab pickers.
Kinda interesting that a useless post like this shows up at FR just when Cruz is about to make more news against McConnell and Reid with the debt ceiling battle coming up.
Maybe a little more, since Ubama's allged mother was 17-years old at the time of his birth.
Unless a person can be born via asexual reproduction, BOTH parents impact the nationality of the child.
Ted Cruz's father was born in Cuba and became A U.S. citizen in 2005
Maybe by 'your' rules. Certainly not the U.S. Constitution. Read up the history, and you will see that there are only two ways to become a U.S. Citizen.... "by birth" or by application. There is no "third class" of citizenship.. There is NO LEGAL basis for a third class of citizenship, if there is show me the class in the U.S. CODE!!!!
When they succeeded in diverting attention away from the place of Obama's birth to the citizenship of his father, they had defused the entire issue by turning it into a technical argument that is both irrelevant and unwinnable.
And that, probably, was the plan.
I agree, and the timing of these worthless "eligibility" posts against Cruz, who is leading our fight in the Senate, is VERY suspicious.
They ought to be yanked by the mods just on general principle, since they are clearly focused on attacking one of our few and most effective Conservative fighters in the public arena.
No problem. We trade Canada New England, NJ Cities and NYC for Alberta.
Problem solved.
Hillary's fully vested.
Knock yourself out.
It IS a useless post! People want to 'dream up' a separate third class of citizenship just to be eligible for President. It's insane, and idiotic, that flies against common FACTS and HISTORY!
Pinging a few names to this very distressing statement by Cruz.
I am very disgusted. Foreign national father, born on foreign soil, says because he's a US citizen he's eligible for president.
I am beyond digusted.
He could be the best conservative constitutionalist in the last 200 years but he is NOT a NBC and NOT eligible and this wilfull ignorance on his part is a huge character flaw! Self interest! He can serve his country by being a representative, Senator or Governor!
I'm spitting mad. He's basically saying that 0buttatollah is a NBC (or would be if his parents/ birth location were known and he had on US citizen parent and was born in another country!) WHAT UTTER CRAP! His statement legitimizes the fraudster in chief! WHAT THE H***????
Why is he saying this? He's not stupid. Paid off? Trying to goad 0buttatollah? Thinks since one non-NBC is president and no one says a peep now the gate's wide open now for all and sundry?
Show us your Certificate of Citizenship, Ted. U.S. Citizenship to individuals born abroad with U.S. Citizen parent(s) is not automatic. An application with certain terms and conditions must be met before a Certificate is issued.
See http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/n-600instr.pdf Form N-600 Application for Certificate of Citizenship.
You do know that you might as well be talking to a wall right?
Without making an argument either way, I would say that he has recent precedent to cite.
He should just hide his birth certificate and claim he was born in Honolulu.
If your father is found to have thrown off his allegiance to Cuba by expatriating as well as the collapse to communism of the regime to which that allegiance was owed, then there would have been no possibility of Cuba having claimed sovereignty over you at birth.
If your birth in Canada did not result in a claim of sovereignty over you by Canada, then you're possibly good on that.
Your mother was a US citizen, so no questions arise there.
But, again, the facts are far from clear. And, it's not up to you to decide.
I'd vote for him if he was from any of the four moons of Jupiter. Twice!
Place of birth and nationality of both parents are BOTH vital. Anyone who thinks differently has either not educated themselves or is being wilfully ignorant.
Only a name written on a plank from the Mayflower would satisfy some of them.
Like Ted Cruz just fine, and in his defense, his father naturalized so its not the same situation as BHO Sr.
Cruz' father naturalized in 2005. And he was born in CA. Two strikes against NBC status.
Palin has finally come out strongly against the invasion of the US. Earlier, she supported it. She also has not renounced McCain's bizarre positions on issues, and she should, since she strongly supported his re-election.
It's actually Palin who needs some time in the US Senate so we can see (1) how she votes on the issues and (2) how well she artiulates constitutional conservative issues to voters who can be convinced.
She's been great as a spokesperson for second ammendment rights and other conservative issues for the past year or so. But I think she'd lose at this point.
Oh, shut up.
I like Ted Cruz and I voted for Ted Cruz as my Senator.
The issue of who is a "Natural Born Citizen" has never been actually been legally defined as I understand it.
Here are the opinions I have heard on the matter:
1. Born in the US, you are automatically a US citizen, except in very rare cases. IE, a child to diplomats and borne on embassy grounds.
2. Some say that both parent must be Americans at the time of the Child's birth.
3. Some say that as long as you never had to be naturalized to become a citizen, you are a natural born citizen. I believe this is the case with Cruz.
If we have a lawyer out there who can provide an opinion, I would love to hear it.
BS. The problem is the rule of law.
I have read eligibility threads for years and the only disruptors have been those on the 0bot side. People concerned about the Consitution and rule of law are not disruptors.
See the result of a president who is not a NBC? Now anyone can be president no matter where they're born as long as one parent is a US citizen. That is now the "standard" apparently.
There are hundreds of threads about eligibility.
The historical understanding of NBC has always been:
Two citizen parents
Born on US soil
That is, until the usurper appeared on the scene.
I strongly disagree.
Palin has thusfar caused waivering opinions. I myself was thrown for quite a loop by her, last time around.
In retrospect, I understand.
If she ever gets off her duff, and actually runs, she will electrify the voting public.
She has to do that though. Hope she does.
I've also seen some bizarre formula that said Rick Santorum was ineligible because his father or grandfather was born in Italy. and the best one yet was a claim that Michele Bachmann has dual citizenship because she was given honorary citizenship in Switzerland.
It became a tragic comedy and wasn't worth talking about anymore especially in light of the fact that virtually every democrat and a good many "republicans" would be just as disastrous as Obama.
Do YOU have a "certificate of citizenship?"
The problem is, it's like the other side was minipulating the way the issue was being addressed. Obama was, and for all we know still might be, a citizen of Indonesia. He sealed the deal when he applied for college and scholarships as an Indonesian.
Palin's time has passed.
That was my understanding also. But, the issue of being born on a US base overseas or being born to two US parents while traveling, etc. has come up. Then people were saying NBC is anyone who did not have to become naturalized.
I always thought NBC meant born in the USA with two parents that were already US citizens.
Than I suggest that you vote for Hillary. Cruz is a citizen by birthright due to his mothers citizenship. BHO has eliminated even the need to prove citizenship.
Or not.
And he's still president.
The end.
Actually, I have a more important job for Ted Cruz: Supreme Court Justice. When Rand Paul or Sarah Palin is sworn in as our new President, I hope they'll have he opportunity to appoint him.
There is one Supreme Court case that mentions NBC, preceding the 14th amendment and the Supreme Court case that famously misinterpreted the 14th's intent (neither of which mentioned the specific case of NBC). Under that unique precedent Obama is ineligible, regardless of his birthplace or birth certificate, so the Obots strive to keep it out of the discussion.
You are correct about 2 US citizens and born on US soil. Being born on a base overseas has been discussed; it may depend on whether the person was born actually on base or not. While traveling, not a NBC.
The 2 citizen parents could be naturalized US citizens, but they have to be citizens at the time of the birth of the child, for the child to be a NBC.
People supporting Cruz's assertion are also supporting 0thugga as NBC (if his purported life was true, which it is not).
Because at the age of 21 he abandoned his American citizenship and chose to be a British subject.
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OnceWasEnough posted 7/20/2012 00:35 AM
"Have any of the spouses of a SAB ever confronted the abuser? Have any of the SAB's?"
My FWS was abused by his father who is now 85 years old and as with many elderlys this age, he suffers memory loss.
It would be futile to initiate any type of confrontation at this point. Even if age was not a factor, my FWS would not confront due to his PTSD. I will also not confront, this is FWS's 'demon' and whatever method he decides to use in living with it, I will support him.
[This message edited by OnceWasEnough at 12:37 AM, July 20th (Friday)]
0115 posted 7/20/2012 22:58 PM
Thanks Oncewasenough. I appreciate your response.
This is quite a slow thread! I went to my IC and she said don't confront the abuser on my fWH's behalf. First it's his issue and his choice and second she doesn't want me to be the one to "bell the cat". I've never heard that expression before but she explained that the mice were getting killed off so they came up with a plan to put a bell on the cat so they would know when it was near. The question is "who bell's the cat" (and basically dies or become the sacrificial lamb). The whole family is involved and all have rugswept it or denied so it would be very ugly for me. I just felt that SOMEONE should stand up for him.
momxgbg posted 7/27/2012 10:35 AM
As a sexual abuse survivor, I would be highly pissed if my WH confronted my abusers.
Not because I don't want someone to stand up for me, I do, but I can only handle so much at a time...and I need to be prepared for the repurcussions.
I need him to be there for me when those repercussions hit.
I was, however, finally able to confront my mom about my stepdad. It sucked.
My story...is much easier to tell after years of therapy.
My mom and dad married while in high school and divorced shortly afterwards. My mom had my older brother at 15 (we have a different dad) and had me at 17 and was divorced before she turned 18. Both my parents were heavily into whatever they could snort, swallow, or inject into their bodies.
The first abuse I can rememebr is a babysitter's boyfriend. I was very very young. She babysat my brother and I for 4 years (my ages were 3 years old till 7) our 2 cousins were there also.
So for 4 years this man had all day access to a 1 year old (my cousin) two 3 year olds (me and my other cousin) and a 5 year old (my brother)
He abused us all, for years. He videotaped us, took photographs and every other ugly thing...for years.
He told us everyday that if we told our parents he would kill us, then our parents.
At the same time, my mom was usually drunk or high and hit us all the time (my brother and I have many broken bones). She would have boyfriends over, pass out, and sometimes the boyfriends weren't so nice either. I'm pretty sure we were used to buhy drugs, no concrete evidence...just a feeling.
During this time my dad was doing and dealing drugs and really couldn't be bothered with his children. He usually just locked us in a room for his weekends so he could still party.
My dad was arrested and spent almost 5 years in jail and my mom went to rehad and the most wonderful time of my childhood started, I got to live with my grandparents.
For years, I was with them and I absolutely loved every minute of it. They taught me everything I know and what type of person to be. I will forever be in their debt and will love them with all my heart.
Then my mom got out of rehab, met a married man, they married and pulled me away from my grandparents. For awhile it was fine, my stepdad didn't let my mom hit us and there was no more babysitter or sexual abuse.
Then I developed, got boobs, and all of that changed.
My stepdad no longer started looking at me as a daughter. He commented on my breasts and was always in the bathroom when I showered. This remained until I left home, when I graduated high school.
Our neighbor during this time also touched me inappropriately, i immediately stopped going over to play with his daughters, so that only happened once -- when I was 12.
I left home, joined the Navy and was physically assaulted in "A" school. I immediately told my class advisor and the other student was masted and discharged.
So as you can see, many years of assault, from many different people.
Fast forward to now (at age 37) and I was finally able to tell my mom, 3 years ago, that I didn't want my stepdad around my 3 children. My oldest daughter was starting to develop and everything came crashing in like a tidal wave.
All my mom said was "she understood"
that was it!
Since then, she calls on the kid's birthday and Christmas. That's it.
I don't talk to my stepdad, nor will I anymore.
Wow..that was cathartic! probably way more info than what y'all wanted.
Needless to say, this pain and hurt, from those who were supposed to protect me, is making this A really hard to handle.
But I am taking it day by day...as my IC tells me...
I have survived worse
stunned-dad posted 7/29/2012 05:17 AM
Not surprised but still sadden to see this post...we all could come back in 100 years and something similar to this post would be up.
Some thoughts since that post both as a BS of a SAS and now going on 7 years as a marriage and family therapist.
Really love The Sexual Healing Journey, A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse, Revised Edition, by Wendy Maltz used it first as a BS with then SAVictim and over the years including this week as a therapist working with an ongoing caseload that includes past abuse victims. The surveys in the first few chapters are eyeopeners for many SAVs who suddenly realize that are acting/reacting in a sane way to the insanity of abuse.
Two strong believer in Bill O'Hanlon's posssibility therapy which central to that is the concept "your past influences you but doesn't define you" which he strongly promotes when working with abuse victims.
It is critical that you focus on what happened to you not what is wrong with you. By that you didn't chose to be a victim so whatever issues that followed are a product of what happened to you.
You need not understand your past abuse to overcome it. It is not so much what happened back then as how it still makes you feel today. If someone invading your personal space triggers specific feelings learn why you have those feelings and how to cope with them in safe/non-destructive. Understanding how you react to touch both wanted and unwanted has nothing to do with going back over past abuse.
Finally the cruelest thing about past abuse is the false message it gives its victims....and how they continue to give themselves that same message long after their abuser is out of their life.
momxgbg posted 7/29/2012 07:54 AM
Thank you for the book recommendation, I will certaintly be checking it out.
There is much work left to be done, boundries to be set, and triggers to overcome. But I can handle it, a day at a time.
0115 posted 8/2/2012 00:22 AM
Thank-you for your story. It's absolutely heart wrenching!! I just can't understand cruel people.
I am the BS and my WH is the SAB survivor. I can understand why he has to do this on his own time. I appreciate you letting me have insight into the life of SAB's.
caspers1wish posted 8/7/2012 12:35 PM
"Have any of the spouses of a SAB ever confronted the abuser? Have any of the SAB's?"
My husband never confronted my abuser and I would have been devastated if he had. Back when we were dating and the abuse was going on, I had begged my then boyfriend, to not tell anyone. Had he divulged my secret to someone, a friend or his parents, without my permission, would have been equally devastating. Now that the abuse is over and I've worked on it, I could care less who knows or who he tells and discusses with if he was so inclined, I'm no longer a captive of shame.
I have never really confronted my abuser. There was one instance when I was 14 or 15 and my mother made my dad and I sit in our driveway so we could get our "angries" out at each other, so I could have my chance to confront him about what he did to me as a child, she thought it would be a good exercise for us, it was surreal. Little did she know that the abuse never stopped and he was having sex with me since I was 13.
We sat there, sobbing. First time I ever saw my dad cry. He was broken, I know that now. Neither of us could grasp how broken I was at that point though. He didn't talk, just cried. I finally told him that it had to stop, it was wrong. He said he knew it was wrong and he was sorry, and it would never happen again. It was probably the last time I ever felt truly hopeful about the abuse ending. But it was very short-lived.
I confronted my mother 7-ish years ago, who I consider the enabler in all of this, the one who failed to do her duty and protect me. I just calmly told her the abuse never stopped. She wasn't sorry or angry on my behalf, she wanted off the phone and we'd never speak to each other again. Being the peacekeeper, I wanted to work things out, but she refused to take my calls. After several weeks I decided it was best and haven't resumed a relationship with her, despite her now twisting it around that now she is the victim and I'm punishing her, and yet she is living merrily with my abuser, yeah that's not supposed to bother me one bit.
If I wanted to punish her, they'd all be in jail. Right now, I'm just ready for them to die, but they probably have several more years left in them, they're in their 70's. And to clarify, I don't wish them dead. I'm just trying to prepare for the mental upheaval their deaths might cause. I love my parents. I don't wish them ill or death. I wish they could have been better parents is all and just leave me alone in peace forever.
Hugs to momxgbg. I hope you find healing.
NothngElseMattrs posted 8/7/2012 14:11 PM
My SAWH/BH wanted to confront my abuser, or tell my parents so they could. I told him the violation of trust would be so profound, I could not recover from it if he told anyone IRL besides therapists.
Because momxbg and others were brave enough to share...
my story.
I was 3/4yo at a summer camp with lots of other kids. I am allergic to some kind of grass and when running around outside, had an allergic reaction and had to come inside for cortisone cream. Of course the camp director, a slimy old guy, was in charge of administering first aid.
I clearly remember sitting on a high bench, dangling my legs. at this point, this filthy old man used me as a receptacle and forced me to do something that I cannot fathom someone making a child do, much less a child so small.
it is likely he did this to both boys and girls. Some kids, I grew up ad went to high school with. The camp closed down about 13 years later. gee, wonder why. maybe he finally got caught, the sick fuck.
I bet if anyone ever confronted this filthy loser, he would relive mentally his happy times putting himself in children's mouths. I firmly believe in karma. There is a special miserable fate awaiting this asshole if he hasn't met it already.
NaiveAgain posted 8/7/2012 16:01 PM
My uncle just got jailed for molesting his granddaughter. He is 84. He was apparently somewhat busy in our whole family. I have blocked most of it. I don't think there was more than just some touching/groping. My sister just admitted he "touched" her and she has wanted him dead all these years. She was crying. My cousin's child was threatening suicide. I saw my counselor today. He told me it is okay to be angry at my uncle. I have no anger at all. I don't even remember anything too terrible, except being uncomfortable around him and destroying part of my diary that I wrote in when I was around 13 or 14 about him.
I really don't think it was that bad but I just don't remember a lot. Except I do remember his icky nasty lips. My cousin's wife said he used to chase her around and try to "romantically" kiss her. I sort of have memories of that and his lips make me want to vomit.
I don't know what to expect here.
msk99 posted 8/7/2012 16:33 PM
Does anyone have any history/information/research on a linkage between being sexually molested and being a wayward later in life?
STBXWW has recently suggested her actions may be a result of being molested by her uncle when she was 7 years old.
caspers1wish posted 8/7/2012 18:44 PM
Maybe you have repressed some memories, and if they happened when you very young, that is a natural thing to do. Even just touching and groping is very damaging and terrible, it all is. There is no worse or less, it all hurts and is all relevant. I hope your family is able to heal and your uncle is punished for his crimes.
I am a WW and was sexually abused as a child. For me, there is a link between my abuse and infidelity. No boundaries, poor self esteem, reenactment of the abuse and shame cycle, reinforcement of negative thoughts about self, feeling worthless.
I found the Sexual Abuse Survivor's thread very helpful, the first part. The third post outlines it very well. Here is the link.
[This message edited by caspers1wish at 6:45 PM, August 7th (Tuesday)]
NaiveAgain posted 8/7/2012 19:17 PM
caspers, thanks. I'm trying to come to terms with this. My counselor thought it was pretty significant that I felt the need to burn the pages of my diary that I had written stuff down in. And then I just pushed it all out of my mind, I didn't want any problems within our family, I felt I was strong enough to deal with it, I guess I didn't think it was life or death type stuff, but my counselor told me it was an invasion of my safety and my body and my trust no matter what happened.
I just don't know why I can't remember. My sister remembers some stuff and she was in tears about it, and she has wished him dead all these years. I had no idea. My cousins girl was threatening to commit suicide, they put her in counseling, that is how all this came out. They had no idea either. There are more.
caspers1wish posted 8/7/2012 20:27 PM
I just don't know why I can't remember.
Forgetting the abuse is a very effective coping mechanism and it happens because your brain is trying to protect yourself, to protect the small child who endured abuse.
With all that is going on in your family, do not be a little surprised if some of it comes bubbling to the surface. You should allow yourself to feel whatever you need to, maybe it's anger or sadness, or the need to process all the information coming to light, or maybe you will continue to have no feelings about it. There is no set way for you to react and work through things. Keep us posted.
Hugs and support.
NothngElseMattrs posted 8/7/2012 20:43 PM
msk99, I'll echo caspers1wish here.
My SAb was related to my A. I did not connect the dots til after D-Day, and I am still working through IC to put it all together. I was used like a filthy dishrag, then my life and my sister's life were threatened and I was thrown aside like garbage. Then, when I had my A, I put myself in a position where my value and self-respect was about equal to that filthy dishrag. Not ok or healthy.
That said, SAb does not excuse my A. Period. I have shit in my past and the healthy way to deal with it was through therapy, reading relevant literature, healthy activities, journaling, etc. NOT having an A.
I'm guessing you are seeking an understanding of your wife's issues. That is very valid and fair and acceptable. But do not let her use that to excuse her actions. There are plenty of SAb survivors who do not deal with their trauma by having an A. I'm sure there are some on this and the previous thread that can echo this.
Are you/your WW in IC with a therapist that has experience dealing with trauma survivors? That would probably help immensely.
Thank you to caspers1wish for the link, this is helpful to me as a newbie to this thread as well.
msk99 posted 8/8/2012 09:26 AM
Wow, thanks for the replies on this. To be honest, I'm not sure how to react to this. Based on what I read, I can see how those past heinous actions may have led to her to become wayward recently. I guess at a minimum, I will encourage her to IC to try and get better in her own mind as I know she is struggling. As for our relationship, I'm confused as hell as to how to move forward...
Thanks again, very enlightening information....
NaiveAgain posted 8/9/2012 06:20 AM
And all of a sudden I am starting to really truly understand how my ideas on relationships and sexuality were formed early on.
Here comes the anger......
0115 posted 8/9/2012 18:24 PM
Thank-you for your story and honesty. My fWH doesn't want me to confront and my IC says I shouldn't and I won't. I want to respect him. I agree with your whole post about how the abuse relates to the affair.
So much about my fWH's FOO issues (SAB/incest) came out just after dday. After getting to a great IC, she explained how it all related. The pieces fell into place and I could understand it. It still didn't make it any less painful and just like nothingelsematters said he could have dealt with it without having an A. Now that he is completely out of the fog and he has dealt with his past he is just horrified, disgusted...so remorseful. The whole story is just so sad...everything about it. We are just now moving forward (18 months out). It's hard. It's also worth it.
Good Luck
joeboo posted 8/12/2012 16:51 PM
My fWW is a sexual abuse survivor. For obvious reasons she does not like to talk about it because it started at a very young age and lasted several years and involved many abusers. She has had many partners since then and is not even really sure why. She does understand that her view of sex was very distorted.
She does not want to go to IC and I can definitely respect that. My question is will IC help if she decides to open up to an IC? It makes me uneasy that fWW is willing to forgo any counseling because it is tough to talk about and there is no reason to bring up the past. She has made it this far without IC, I am sure she can make it further, but she has really compartmentalized quite a bit of her life with abusers and other men she chose to be with.
I am just not sure what to do, or how to help, or if there is anything I could do.
caspers1wish posted 8/12/2012 18:10 PM
Her distorted view of sex and of herself is very much the result of her past sexual abuse.
Is she willing to discuss the abuse with you? Or if neither of you feel comfortable, as it would require a lot of support and patience on your part, a difficult task when you are the one who needs some support and patience as well at this time, what about a friend? sibling?
Or maybe attend IC with her as her support. I'm pretty resistant to counseling, but dealing with my past is very much a priority. I have an amazing support system of friends and family who I discuss the abuse with often, I have books and work books, an online support group apart from SI.
She may not be ready to talk about this with anyone, but she needs to stop running from it. She can journal out her feelings, do work on herself. Simply what's important is that she wants to work on it and face it and drag up the past. You cannot move forward and change distorted views without addressing where those views came from.
She is trying to suppress and ignore. Those things such as traumatic abuse, while forgotten, cannot be ignored. She will continue to act out and hurt you and your family without getting to the bottom of her past.
My husband wanted to help me too, but didn't know where to begin. What he found helpful was to educate himself on sexual abuse. He bought books, for me and for himself, but read them all anyway, so he could understand. And even though I was resistant to wanting to face my past, even if we had divorced, he needed to know what he had been dealing with and why for himself. His willingness to face it no matter if we were together or not, really helped me to gather the courage to make that step towards healing.
Hugs and support.
0115 posted 8/12/2012 19:16 PM
This book was helpful for me
Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Was Sexually Abused as a Child
By Laura Davis
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50


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Style # 215368
With ribbed horizontal stripes and lightweight comfy knit that contours to fit your body, this high-waisted mini bebe skirt is sure to be a sexy closet staple. Try yours with a peplum top and a pair of embellished heels to land an instant going-out look.
- 92% nylon, 8% spandex
- Center back to hem: 16" (41 cm)
- Machine wash according to care label
- Made in USA with imported materials
- Model is 5'9" and is wearing a US size S
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