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Spoof news stories from October 2012
There were 545 spoof news stories published in October 2012. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Why In The World Did "Hell On Wheels" Kill Off One Of Its Most Popular Characters?
HOLLYWOOD - Reports are that AMC has received tons of letters, emails, text messages, tweets, and phone calls asking what in the world the writers of the hit western Hell On Wheels were thinking when they killed off one of the shows most well-liked a...
Bitterly Fought Custody Battle Ends In Defeat For Father Resulting In Utter Despair
A bitterly fought and highly contested child custody case was finally resolved late yesterday afternoon after a Florida court ruled in favor of the mother of the two children involved in the dispute, resulting in the father obtaining full legal and p...
My life as a man #22
Keeping up with the English Jones'
My neighbor, Gerry, the British guy who came here 23-years-ago, has a beautiful wife, a very nice home (that he keeps up like a palace), three wonderful adult children, and seven grandchildren. His two grown sons and his one adult daughter were all born in a coal-heated flat in the "South of London," wherever the hell that is. His two eldest grandchildren, a...
NASA Solves Mars Mystery: Leprechauns Left Gold Dust There!
When Mars rover Curiosity sent back images of soil with sparkling flecks in it, at first NASA scientists were stumped. But they kept on digging. Finally, they were able to explain those sparkles. The scientists came to the inescapable conclusion t...
No Malarkey, Giant Eyeball Found on Florida Beach!
Things will never be the same in Pompano Beach, Florida. Not since a giant blue eyeball was found on the beach there.
No definite info yet as to how it got there or who owns it. As news of the eyeball spread, there were a variety of reactions.
"I say it belongs to big brother," said a Florida teenager. "He's always watching, y'know."
An older lady on the beach was sure the eyebal...
Top 10 Signs the NYPD Is Controlled by the Mob
The New York City Police Department has been shooting up the town, mowing down tourists, blasting unarmed motorists and popping harmless potheads on a regular basis.
Fearing a federal investigation of his police force's bad aim and nasty attitude, Mayor Michael Bloomberg has decided to "privatize" the NYPD. After a lengthy and thoughtful search, Bloomberg selected the Mafia as the most qualif...
Lance Armstrong Named Yankees' New Cheating Coach
New York -- Looking to bounce back from being swept in the American League playoffs, the New York Yankees have named former cycling scammer Lance Armstrong as their new cheating coach.
"We managed just six runs in that four-game series," said Yank...
Honey Boo Boo Asks Jay Leno, "Why Does Romney Hate Big Bird?"
HOLLYWOOD - Little Honey Boo Boo has managed to knock Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, and Paul "Skippy" Ryan all off the front page.
The seven-year-old star of TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo recently appeared on the Tonight Show with Jay Le...
NASCAR Strike Looming - Replacement Drivers Will Soon Be Interviewed
ATLANTA - Rumors of a looming strike by NASCAR race drivers are starting to spread like a swarm of locusts in Queensland, Australia.
A union representative for the drivers Larkin "Pistons" Waxington, 29, stated that negotiations between NASCAR exe...
Honey Boo Boo's Gay Uncle Poodle To Get His Own Reality Show
McINTYRE, Georgia - It had to happen sooner or later. The TLC reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo will be giving birth to a spinoff.
According to a network spokesperson, the new show will feature the uncle of Honey Boo Boo, Marvin Lee Thompson.
The Million Muppet March Scares Paul Ryan
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The organizers of The Million Muppet March say that the event is gaining momentum daily.
Michael "Gonzo" Bellavia and Chris "Fozzie Bear" Mecham say that they decided to put the march together after hearing Mitt "The Flip Floppe...
Presidential Debate Part Two - The Bar Brawl
Last night the second presidential debate took place at Hofstra University, Hempstead, New York.
It didn't turn out as expected.
Gone were the typical boring questions about the stagnating economy, failing foreign policy and tedious domestic is...
Britney Spears Finally Reveals Why She Dumped Justin Timberlake
REDONDO BEACH - Britney Spears was having the Fee Fi Fo Fum Foo Foo Platter at The Lips of The Dastardly Dragon Diner when she noticed iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli sitting a few tables away.
The X-Factor judge, who knows that Miss Vermicelli...
In Homage to Felix Baungartner's Leap from Space, Local Man Jumps Off Upturned Bucket In Own Back Garden And Nobody Gives A Toss
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, announced today that Felix Baumgartner wasn't the only man on the planet pushing himself to the limits of human endurance, as Shuttlecock himself became involved in pushing personal boundaries to the limit.
As Felix...
BBC Launch Probe Into Bruce Forsyth "False Chin" Allegations
Beleaguered BBC bosses were left reeling today after yet another scandal broke involving one of their biggest star turns.
Already engulfed in controversy following the Jimmy Savile abuse scandal, BBC chiefs fear the corporation known as 'Auntie' m...
Tim Tebow Officially Owns "Tebowing"
NEW YORK CITY - The backup quarterback for the New York Jets, Tim Tebow has just announced that he is now the sole owner of the world wide phenomenon that has become known as Tebowing.
The 25-year-old football player registered his peaceful celebr...
Honey Boo Boo Thanksgiving and Christmas specials will air on TLC
ATLANTA (ABSNN) - Alana Thompson (Honey Boo Boo) and her mother June Shannon (Fat Demonic Hell Pig) are the stars of TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras. They visited a television station in Atlanta, the home of The Learning Channel, to discuss their upcoming...
The Hell's Angels Are Voting For President Obama
VENICE BEACH - In a move that took the Mitt Romney political campaign team by surprise, the national chapter of The Hell's Angels Motorcycle Gang has stated that they will all be voting for President Obama.
Hells Angels spokesperson Rufus "Spokes"...
Nevada college course requires girls to masturbate
FALON NV (ABSNN) - "The teacher said I had to masturbate to pass his class," said WNC sophomore, Imanice Gurl, a 19-year-old who lives with her mother.
"Momma says it's wrong to play with myself. I really don't know how. I guess I learn, though,...
'Saville Inquiry' clue in Jill Dando cold case review
London - "Sounds as plausible a theory as any daft Red Top bollocks," a BBC 'deep throat' hinted today, "churned out ad nauseam since her death."
Speaking in hushed tones at a secret Barking potting shed rendezvous the informer reckons the Britis...
Paris Hilton Kissed A Girl And She Liked It
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Paris Hilton, who is best noted for doing absolutely nothing, managed to crawl back into the headlines with some girl-on-girl antics at West Hollywood's Laughing Beaver Comedy Club.
Hilton, 31, had gone to the club with her much y...
A Nation Weeps As Hannity Threatens To Quit Fox News
Fox News' very own conservative spewer of spin, Sean Hannity, has sensationally threatened to abandon the much loved "news" channel if Mitt Romney loses the presidential election.
On his daily Romney campaign show, a seething Hannity told his wors...
VP Debate Sends A Nation To Sleep
Rude, condescending, arrogant, always interrupting, unhinged and mean.
No, Sean Hannity wasn't talking about himself. That was his description of Vice-President Joe Bidens performance last night at the one and only VP debate in Kentucky.
The de...
Presidential Debate Part Three - Romney The Musical
The third and final Presidential debate took place last night at Lynn University, Boca Raton, Florida.
With CBS old timer Bob Schieffer at the helm it promised to be another lively debate.
However, it was a strange statement made by Governor Mi...
Mitt Romney Says He Hates His New Nickname
RALEIGH, North Carolina - Mitt Romney's Mormon Merriment Presidential Bus Tour stopped off in Raleigh on the way to Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
He told the semi-cheering crowd that he was thrilled to be in Raleigh, the town where the inventor o...
Dominatrix in Frankfurt, Germany, claims world whipping record!
An infamous ageing Dominatrix in Frankfurt, Germany, has been entered into the Guiness book of records after beating the world's whipping record by fifty lashes and then she dropped dead!
The previous record was 500000 lashes in 5 days held by US...
BBC Presenter from 60s and 70s Smeared
A presenter from the BBC during the 60s and 70s has been smeared by the press for being the only one who didn't inappropriately touch people up during the time. Wally Hampstead worked at the BBC, on radio, and television - as well as with children -...
Susan Boyle livid at news of Jimmy Savile
Popular singing sensation and "Britain's Got Premium Rate Phone Lines" runner-up Susan Boyle (known as SuBo to her friends or "Mad Scottish Woman" to her detractors), has thrown her weight - thought to be approaching 14 stone - into the foray regardi...
Eagles Quarterback Michael Vick Says That His New Dog Is Really Only Half Dog
PHILADELPHIA - Quarterback Michael Vick's team, the Philadelphia Eagles, is currently sitting on top of the NFL's NFC Eastern Conference with a 3-2 record.
And it appears that, as usually happens with people who get in trouble, Old Mother Trouble...
Honey Boo Gets Into It With Ellen DeGeneres
HOLLYWOOD - The star of TLCs Here Comes Honey Boo, Alana Thompson recently appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
The little seven-year-old in four-inch heels demonstrated to Ellen the way that she walks during her beauty pageant competitions.
Cannibal Cop's Arrest Prompts Bloomberg To Limit Human Flesh Portions
New York - Mayor Michael Bloomberg made the Big Apple less appetizing to the city's cannibal community today, introducing a new Health Department regulation that limits flesh eating to "one pound per person per day."
The restriction came on the he...
Val Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco of Dancing With The Stars: The Va Va Voom Rumors
HOLLYWOOD - Members of the entertainment media have been speculating since the start of this season's Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars, that professional dancer Val Chmerkovskiy and General Hospital actress Kelly Monaco could be more than simply...
The Devil Flames the Obama/Romney Race
Washington, DC -- In an historic first, the Devil has declined to throw his support behind either candidate for US President, declaring that both contenders "are hell-bent on creating chaos without any help from me."
"That makes it impossible to c...
Lindsay Lohan Blames All Her Troubles On Her Freckles
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay "Lucky" Lohan was sitting by herself in a private booth at the trendy Fountain of Youth Lounge in Venice Beach.
One of the waiters said that he overheard her talking on the phone to her ex-girlfriend and one time fianceé Sam...
NASA Wanted To Keep The Mars Rover Road Kill Incident A Top Secret
HOUSTON - In an effort to avoid any adverse publicity NASA has sent out an in-house memo that the facts concerning Mars Rover Incident #717, were to be kept extremely confidential.
The author of the memorandum, who has since been identified as Bri...
Big Tex Catches Fire and Burns - Romney Blames President Obama
DALLAS - Big Tex, the legendary 52-foot tall statue at The State Fair of Texas for 60 years, caught fire and completely burned.
The Lone Star State icon with the 75-gallon hat first appeared at the State Fair Park back in 1952.
Big Tex was purc...
New York hurricane 'named after bent ex-Clinton National Security Advisor Sandy Berger'
New York - "Someone at the US National Hurricane Center sure has a bizarre sense of humor," is how one New Yorker put it today as the year's worst super-storm barreled up the Eastern Seaboard.
Hurricane Sandy is thought to be named after former C...
Sir Jimmy Savile to be tried from beyond the grave
Prime Minister David Cameron will address the Conservative Party Conference next week with news of an announcement designed to increase their popularity by at least 15% - the dead corpse of Sir Jim'll Savile will be dug up and tried in a court of law...
Pakistan Ends Its Traditional Elephant Races
KARACHI, Pakistan - Word out of Pakistan is that the Pakistani government has decided to put an end to the very popular traditional Karachi Elephant Races which have been held every weekend since 1968.
The mayor of the city known as "The City of E...
Hurricane Sandy Causes The Presidential Election To Be Postponed To December 4
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Representatives for both President Barack Obama and former Governor Mitt Romney have met and have agreed to postpone the presidential election from November 6, to December 4.
Both Obama and Romney agreed to the change which was...
Hollywood's Shortest Couple Is Divorcing
LOS ANGELES - In an astounding announcement a spokesperson for Danny DeVito has stated that he and his wife Rhea Perlman will be heading for the big "D" (divorce).
DeVito, 67, who became popular for his role of Louie De Palma on the sit-com Taxi a...
Bonnie & Clyde's Personal Belongings Are Auctioned Off
NASHUA, New Hampshire - Two of the most notorious outlaws of the Great Depression Era were Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow.
The two Texas natives wreaked havoc and terror across the Great Southwest by robbing banks, savings & loans, Piggly Wigg...
Hulk Hogan's Young Wife Very Upset About The Sex Tape
CHICAGO - One of the world's most famous wrestlers Hulk Hogan was in the Windy City on a book signing tour.
The man whose real name is Terry Bollea was signing his brand new book at The Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover Book Store.
Hogan's latest...
Tom Brady 'Admires' Peyton Manning
Tom Brady took an interesting approach to the 'old man' of the game, Peyton Manning.
Like some fawning rookie just starting to play in the NFL, Tom took the high road to deliver a low blow. When asked what he thought about Peyton Manning, Brady r...
Strategic Cannabis Reserve mooted for drought-hit California
Los Angeles - Dwindling bud supplies have virtually dried up in parts of California prompting calls for the creation of a state-wide Strategic Cannabis Reserve modeled on Big Oil's Gulf of Mexico emergency storage facilities.
The proposal has the...
Meat Loaf Endorses Romney - T-Bone Endorses Obama
GREEN BAY, Wisconsin - Singer Meat Loaf was sitting in his backstage dressing room after having just finished performing in The Box of Snowballs Auditorium before a crowd estimated to be around 219 people.
The rotund singer had just taken his thir...
"Everything Is A Liberal Conspiracy" Claims Sean Hannity
The most fair and balanced person on Fox News has delivered an astonishing verbal volley towards the mainstream media and liberal pollsters.
In his latest rant on his daily conservative propaganda juggernaut, Sean "Fairness Personified" Hannity, r...
Hannity Issues Apology To Romney/Ryan
Fox News' most prominent spinning machine, Sean Hannity, astounded his worshippers last night when he issued a grovelling apology on his daily propaganda juggernaut.
The apology?
No, it wasn't for his concerted efforts to smear President Obama...
Michigan To Begin Issuing Fines To Undecided Voters
LANSING, Michigan - Governor Rick Snyder speaking from his Governor's Mansion, Ethanol Estates, has just issued a governor's directive.
The governor has said that he is sick and tired of hearing about all of these so called undecided voters.
My life as a man #20
Today is the worst day of the rest of my life.
Yes, I know, it is supposed to be the first day of the rest of my life-at least according to the aficionados of fortune cookie philosophy. But not for me; I know I hit my romantic peak years ago. It's been all downhill since then.
You see, I let the BIG ONE go. She was exceptionally beautiful and unique. I knew her to be my singular chan...
Led Zeppelin's Brand New Album
Led Zeppelin was first formed in 1968, 44 years ago. The band has just released their latest album which is titled Just Blimpin' Along.
The album title was thought up by Jimmy Page. Just Blimpin' Along was recorded on the Vinyl Record Recording Label at the prestigious San Andreas Fault Recording Studios located in Tarzana, California.
The band's lead singer Robert Plant, 64, said that all...
A Londoner's guide to Yorkshire
With decentralization many people from London are finding themselves in strange primitive parts. One of the most frightening is Yorkshire.
Yorkshire folk are very tribal and don't take to strangers. They especially dislike people from Lancashire and Wales. Although they can tolerate people from London they are not always friendly.
Yorkshire folk speak in the Genitive tense all of the time.
Beeb's 7/7 London bombings documentary blames 'Asian IRA'
London - "It's a feelthy lie, begorrah," Real IRA commander Osama Bin Life-O'Riely said today ahead of the Beeb broadcast at 9pm.
"Provisional Al Qaeda bastards is them what done it because of a trick or treaty dare from George W Bush."
The do...
Harry Reid 'was top student' in crash course at Kerry Kennedy School of Advanced Driving Skills
Los Angeles - The fast track program in motoring skills saw Nevada Senator Harry Reid graduate magna cum laude to take the School's Top Gun prize aides said today.
Reports this morning claim the course 'may have saved his life' following a multi-c...
Paranoia that Obama 'will allow homeless people unfettered access to private Manhattan roof gardens'
New York - Lawyers in a probate case before the New York courts have reported fears that the President's 'open door' policy towards vagrants, nomadics and other itinerant undesirables could blight Fifth Avenue's multi-million dollar condominiums.
Savile Row to be renamed Tailor Street
One of London's poshest streets, Savile Row, is to be renamed to Tailor Street in a bid to distance itself from Jimmy Savile.
"We don't know for certain just what Jimmy Savile has done or not done," said Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, who is orga...
Dante's Circles of Hell to Be Augmented - Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) develops initiative for Republican Party platform
Special to TNP - At his daily news conference, Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee (RNC), claimed that "a new version of Dante's Inferno is necessary to ensure the long-term health of the country. In fact, I anticipate that...
Opus Dei procured Jimmy Savile's papal gong
London - "Just don't ask about 'what lubricants'?" a former Opus Dei zombie commented as news broke that the shadowy self-flagellation cult greased the palms that gonged up old perv Jimmy with a Pontifical Equestrian Order of St Gregory the Great kn...
Man sues Louis Vuitton after finding brown stripes in his $200 underpants!
After buying a pair of Louis Vuitton underpants in the LV boutique on Sunset Boulevard for $250,00 dollars and wearing them only once, he discovered that there were several brown stripes in them.
The man, who wishes to remain anonymous, but has be...
'Evil' Bert goes after Romney
Bert from Sesame Street has gone to ground after vowing to kill Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Bert was watching the first presidential debate on The Count's TV with several other residents of the street but flew into a rage when Romn...
Scientists prepare to defend Earth from an impending meteor
Asteroid LO0R011 was identified early on Monday morning by the NASA Asteroid Detection Agency (NADA). It's orbit has been calculated to have it land somewhere near Beijing with enough force to wipe out all life on earth except for a cockroach living...
Maine Zumba Prostitution Scandal an 'Illuminati Plot!'
KENNEBUNK, Maine (ABSNN) - 129,277 men in this tony seaside town (all apparently Democrats) on the Maine coast have been named as "Johns" in the Zumba Prostitution scandal. Their names, but no other identifying data, were released by order of the ju...
My life as a man #18
Love/Hate relationships
I have mixed feelings about my feathered "friends." On the one hand, I spend over a thousand dollars a year on feeding, housing, and bathing songbirds, hummers, owls, hawks, waders, and, yes, vultures too.
I love watching birds throughout the year. Not only has my knowledge grown to the point where I can identify them by breed, but truly, I know some of them, indi...
Republicans Find God, Win Epic Game of Hide and Seek
Senator Chris Coons' office has sent out a short brief detailing how the Congressman has finally found God, and put an end to a millennia-long game of hide and seek.
Asked to comment about his Earth-shaking discovery, Senator Coons had this to say...
Taylor Swift arrested for Mann Act violations concerning Conor Kennedy
HYANNIS PORT MA (ABSNN) - Taylor Swift, 22, was indicted this morning by a federal grand jury for violating the Mann Act, after admitting that she drove Conor Kennedy, then 17-years-old, across state lines and the two "engaged in heavy petting, but only outside my tee shirt."
"The Grand Jury had two federal crimes from which to choose to indict, Ms. Taylor," said assistant US Attorney William J...
Bookies' odds on Jimmy Savile case - place bets now!
Bookmakers throughout Britain have opened a book on the investigation into the Jimmy Savile affair. They are offering odds on the following.
(1) Investigation will plod along until the media are ordered from on high to dumb it down out of existence and to "pursue it no further" blah, blah, blah and it simply disappears as the public are lulled back into televisual narcosis. 3/1
(2) Invest...
Studio Goes On The Offensive: "Our Prinzzess is NOT Latino, No Offense To Our Housekeeping Staff."
A young upstart animation studio whose first full-length feature is set to release Friday is going on the offensive, fighting back against charges that their Princess is Latina.
In an early morning press release, Prinzzess Studiozz explains that...
Casey Anthony & Nancy Grace sued for $3 billion in Illuminati plot
ORLANDO, Florida (ABSNN) - Casey Anthony, the Most Hated Woman in America, was acquitted in the murder of her child Caylee who died more than three years ago. Her legal trouble has not ended, not by a long shot. She is still in the middle of a laws...
Nottingham man arrested at Nottingham Lidl for laughing out too loud!
Nottingham, UK: In a bizarre incident today an ageing gentleman was arrested at the German supermarket, Lidl, in Nottingham. It seems he was acting like a loony and could not contain himself whilst laughing his bald head off very loudly!
Other Eng...
Jimmy Savile's Grave 'Subsiding' - Scarborough Council
Scarborough Borough Council today issued a statement to the effect that the late Jimmy Savile's grave has recently "substantially subsided."
The furore raised by recent allegations against the former BBC disc jockey and TV presenter has been parti...
The most horrible sound in the world.
British scientists have spent three years determining the most horrible sound in the world. The surprising result is that it is a sound which is heard more and more over recent years. The sound of politicians voices.
"It was a surprising result.
Britney Spears Jealous of Simon Cowell's New Girlfriend
LOS ANGELES - It is no secret in the inner circles of X-Factor that Simon "The Count of Cruelty" Cowell and Britney "Oopsies" Spears have had quite a fondness for each other.
In fact a close, inside, unnamed source recently told iRumors that the r...
Disney buy Lucasfilm
Disney have bought Lucasfilm from founder George Lucas for $4.2bn. The firm is most famous for producing the 'Stars Wars' films as well as providing special effects for other companies.
Disney are to produce two more 'Star Wars' over the next 18 m...
Cameron squirms at PMQ 'paedo ring at Number 10' claim
London - A Labour MP has stirred up the Jimmy Savile whornets nest with a crafty question about 'a paedophile ring' inside the government's seat of power at No 10.
West Bromwich East MP Tom Watson stunned the House by asking for a review of police...
Jimmy Savile sponsored a transvestite website
News has emerged that a proportion of the charity funds raised by the not-Sir Jimmy Savile not-OBE, was siphoned off to fund a transvestite website called TV-Chix, where cross dressing men would arrange meetings for sex.
"This is one more nail in...
Maria Shriver Writes Book About Arnold Schwarzenegger
BRENTWOOD, California - Maria Shriver is still extremely upset at the fact that her soon-to-be-ex-husband Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child out of wedlock with their long time housekeeper.
Maria, whose mother Eunice is a Massachusetts Kennedy...
Nina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder and The Breakup Rumblings
KALAMAZOO, Michigan - One of Tinsel Town's happiest couples is Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder who star in The Vampire Diaries.
The couple is on location in Kalamazoo, where they are presently filming the motion picture Fifty Shades of Gray.
Bedford OAP's cannabis operation "blown" wide open!
Smokey Bedford, UK: An OAP couple who supposedly purchased a cannabis plant thinking that it was a daisy plant have been arrested after "kicking up" too much business selling the leaves of their "daisy" plant.
The plant just grew and grew and the...
Kim Kardashian's Future Husbands
OSAKA, Japan - One of the greatest computer scientists in the world, Fushiko Takayaka, has just developed a computer that can look into the future.
The computer which was developed in Osaka, Japan and named the FT-13001, has the capability of tak...
The U.S. Post Office Is Having To Resort To Nudity
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Postal Service has found itself in the worse financial situation in history.
According to official U.S. Government data reports, the USPS lost an amazingly unbelievable total of $5.2 billion during the third qu...
Paul Ryan's Grandmother Is Voting For President Obama
OSHKOSH, Wisconsin - Paul Ryan has just received some devastating political news.
It appears that his grandmother Mayshack Ophelia Woodpeckler, 93, has written him a letter telling him that she has decided that she is going to vote for President O...
Hillary Clinton Offers Monica Lewinsky $12 Million To NOT Write Book
BILLINGSGATE POST - It was reported by both The New York Post and The Washington Post that Monica Lewinsky is set to pocket a quick 12 million for her heart warming story about Slick Willy's penchant for sex toys, menage-a-trois, vaginal cigar probes...
Ron Jeremy and Pamela Anderson To Star In The X-Rated "Binders Full of Women"
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Mountain Peak Pictures in association with Gladiator Films has just announced that filming will soon start on the new Staccato Monteverdi political porn film Binders Full of Women.
Monteverdi told Pomona Vox with Silver Screen Sho...
It's the pits! Brad 'is an affront' in women's perfume ad
New York - "At least he isn't wearing that Hobbitesque Dildo Baggins beanie hat," was how one Manhattan fragrance consultant put it about Brad Pitt's latest reincarnation as a perfume industry troll.
"But that horrid little goatee of his just has...
World Ends!!! - Planet Earth destroyed in cosmic blast
New York - In an emergency appearance today before the United Nations, a team of international scientists reported that the world has ended. The stunning announcement came during a special session of the UN Security Council, during which scientists f...
Kate Middleton - Much Ado About Nipples And The Duchess Of Cambridge
While most people use sun block, umbrellas or a cover-up when going out into the noonday sun, the Duchess of Cambridge decided to go topless and allow the sun rays to give her an even tan.
Good morning sunshine!
Forget the fact that there are t...
Gilbert Gottfried Spotted Driving An Ice Cream Truck In Nogales, Arizona
NOGALES, Arizona - There is no better example of a person putting his foot in his mouth that Gilbert Gottfried.
After making his sickingly sick non-joke about the Japanese tsunami the man with what has to be the most irritatingly grating voice in...
The Presidential Debate: The President and Romney Could Have Phoned It In
DENVER - Well the first presidential debate of 2012 is now in the history books and it proved to be as exciting as listening to Ann "Trigger Face" Coulter talk about beauty tips.
Sinclair Petaluma with Political Salad Bar Magazine stated that both...
Isle of Wight News - Scab collection stolen
Kenneth Dunston has been left distraught following the theft of his scab collection.
Dunstan, 52 from Ryde on the Isle of Wight, discovered the theft on Sunday morning when he returned from the Ryde twenty-four hour bowls marathon.
"It's terri...
Woman humiliated for wearing partisan t-shirt
A volunteer worker at a Romney campaign office on Ohio claims she was abused and humiliated by a GOP official for wearing a Sesame St t-shirt.
Miranda Summers, 24, said "I really believe in what Mitt has to say on the economy and jobs, but I also...
Mars Gallery Gets Off Ground
NASA - In a surprise announcement today NASA revealed a secret mission assigned to Curiosity Rover - a mission of goodwill and cultural sharing intended for the solar system, the galaxy and the universe that will last a thousand years. A spokesman fo...
Cher and Madonna's Amazing Concert Tour
LOS ANGELES - Plans have just been finalized for the much anticipated concert tour featuring famous one name singing icons Cher, 66, and Madonna, 53.
Relic Productions in association with Simon Cowell's Black T-Shirt Production Company have just a...
Bad news for sons-in-law: women who quit smoking by age 50 can live up to a decade longer
HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released this week a study which son-in-laws everywhere will have a hard time swallowing.
Women who quit smoking by the age of 50 dramatically cut risk of an early death, enjoying up to ten to fifteen more year...
Twitter bans German Nazis in Germany: Herr Hitler was a huge "twit" too!
Twitter have bowed to the requests of the German government and banned German Nazis from being enormous "Twits" on the German Twitter site. As for the rest of the world they can continue "twitting" their evil messages with impunity.
A spokesman fo...
Tycoon to reveal ID of the 'first Mrs Barack Obama'
New York - "She wasn't American, she wasn't a Democrat and she definitely wasn't black," Southern pork bellies billionaire Aaron 'Rusty' Hogsniffer III announced today ahead of Wednesday's scheduled shock TV press conference.
"But at least she was...
The Madonna - Russell Crowe Feud Gets Ugly
NEW YORK CITY - There is no one in the World of Celebrities who loves to get into angry arguments, bitter clashes, venom-spewing squabbles, and antagonistic altercations more than Madonna.
For some strange reason known only to her, the 54-year-old...
Lady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - City Health Inspectors rated the restaurant owned by Lady Gaga "at below 'C' level for 42 critical sanitation violations."
The very best rating is "A."
The report was released today and was actually a re-inspection of...
Liam Hemsworth Finally Realizing That Miley Cyrus "Can't Be Tamed"
BEVERLY HILLS - Liam Hemsworth paid a visit to his personal masseuse, Urbanette "Bambi" Dillahunt, 21, due to the stupendous amount of stress that he has been going through lately.
Hemsworth, 22, confided to Miss Dillahunt, (38-24-36) that he cann...
Taylor Swift Says Conor Kennedy Is History
NASHVILLE - As long as Taylor Swift keeps on getting boyfriends and breaking up with them she will never ever run out of song ideas.
The latest Swift victim to be shown the relationship door by the 22-year-old country music star is Conor Kennedy,...
Obama's poor debate performance; Vampires vs. Zombies in Prime Time
Washington DC - In a shocking revelation, our coverage of the 2012 Presidential Campaign has unearthed sources who claim that the Republican Party is controlled by Vampires, with the Democrats run by Super Zombies.
Although yet to be confirmed,...
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AEM universal adjustable fuel pressure regulator
Used, blue colour. Works perfect, has some minor scratches from use. Comes with the mounting bracket and FPR. If you need, I have extra parts for more money such misc. AEM fuel/water pressure gauge, Earl's aluminum anodized fittings (elbows, block offs, fuel hoses, etc).
p/n AEM-25-302B Asking $80 for the FPR. Retails for $150+ thanks, Bryan |
Still available?
Any pics?
Nope, if you want to know what it looks like, type the pn into google and it will show you. It's in decent shape with some scratches here and there from mounting.
How many km on it? And you have fittings still?
Yeah still have all the fittings. I haven't used it in a long time. I would guess about a year of use in my volvo (approx 20,000kms)
interested in the fittings... pics/info please.
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text: The Show-Me Disciple (John 20:19-31) by Amy B. Hunter Amy B. Hunter is a poet and lay associate for spiritual formation at All Saints Episcopal Church in Chelmsford, Massachusetts. This article appeared in The Christian Century, March 13-20, 2002, p.17. Copyright by The Christian Century Foundation; used by permission. Current articles and subscription information can be found at www.christiancentury.org. This material was prepared for Religion Online by Ted and Winnie Brock. So where was Thomas anyway that first Easter evening? In my childhood Sunday school classes, Thomas was a "bad guy." When the other ten disciples told him that Jesus was alive after his crucifixion, Thomas refused to believe it. He separated himself from the others and demanded to see Christ for himself. In short, we learned that he was a dull, doubting follower of Christ whom we should not imitate. The moral of the story was clear -- Dont be like Thomas! Believe! Dont doubt! But I confess to a sneaking attraction to the rogues of scripture -- Jacob the con artist, Jeremiah the complaining prophet, Peter the impulsive disciple. Perhaps because Ive often found myself in Christian communities where no one voices doubt or struggle, I am reluctant to dismiss Thomas. At my evangelical college, we didnt talk about our fears or failures because we thought others would judge us as unspiritual. And in churches that display only facades of niceness, Ive discovered all sorts of anxieties and resentments festering underneath. Ive watched people struggling alone with deep questions because they were afraid of how others might react to their doubts. Doubts and uncertainty frighten us. Thats why we reject Thomas -- he dares to bring doubt into our lives of faith. When I take a close look, I realize that Thomas is a practical, concrete sort of guy. Earlier in Johns Gospel, Thomas insists that the disciples accompany Jesus when he goes to Bethany, a place hed had to leave under threat of being stoned. Thomas supports Jesus apparently suicidal plan with, "Let us also go that we may die with him." Even better, in the midst of Jesus long farewell discourse, Thomas speaks up, cutting through Jesus mystical, poetic and downright baffling language. Jesus assures his followers, "In my Fathers house there are many dwelling places . . . . where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going," to which Thomas replies, "Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?" Thomas is plainspoken and gutsy. He wants to understand whats going on, and be able to face the situation at hand. So where is Thomas that first Easter evening when the other disciples are hiding in the upper room? Is he faithless, separating himself from the community? Remember, Mary Magdalene has told the group that she has seen Jesus. Maybe Thomas cant imagine hiding when someone has just reported seeing Jesus alive. Perhaps he is trying to find out the truth. Or maybe he is the only disciple with enough sense to recognize that this hiding thing could take along time, and that hed better go out and get milk and bread for the group. When the disciples tell Thomas they have seen Jesus, he answers, "Unless I see the mark of the nails -- in fact, until I touch those marks and put my hand in the wound in his side, Im not going to believe," responding out of his practical, concrete nature. What if this is some mistake, a delusion born of desperate hope, an apparition? Marys experience of meeting Jesus in the garden cannot keep the disciples from hiding themselves in a room. Thomas is no more of a doubter than the other disciples, than most of us. But he has to find out. In his Easter evening appearance, Jesus shows his hands and sides to the gathered disciples. Thomas is asking for the same assurance that the others have had. But he goes a step beyond, demanding to touch Jesus wounds. He insists upon verifying that this is the crucified Jesus and not an illusion or a ghost. Thomas wants proof. And he wants Jesus. When Jesus again appears to his disciples in the closed room, Thomas is there. And far from rebuking Thomas, Jesus offers to meet his conditions. "Put your fingers in my hands, touch my side." The Gospel story gives no report of Thomas following through with these gruesome actions, and I dont believe he felt any need to do so. But the personal encounter makes Jesus resurrection real to this follower. In fact, Thomass answer, "My Lord and my God!" is the high point of Johns Gospel. When Thomas gets it, he gets it. No one else has offered such devotion or named Jesus as God. Thomas holds out for an experience of Jesus on his own terms until he finds his terms made foolish by the reality of seeing Jesus. Only then does he make his statement of faith. Thomas has to make this personal connection with Jesus for himself. Mary cant experience the resurrected Jesus for the disciples, and the disciples cant experience Jesus for Thomas. It is faith, not doubt, that holds out for ones own experience of Jesus. Five years ago I had emergency surgery. My sister, a professor with final exams to give, was getting married in less than a week. Yet she drove from New York City to Massachusetts in a snowstorm to see me in the hospital. No phone call would reassure her that I was alive. She had to see me with her own eyes. Sometimes the demand to see is not doubt. Sometimes it is even love. |


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I do still see Gold on Steam ... and they're still doing weird things; Gold costs 14.99 Euro, Platinum (Gold + Dark Crusade) costs 9.99 Euro. When I bought them all, it was cheaper to get Gold + Dark Crusade than Platinum.
Yes but you can't buy it because if you visit the store front page for it, it will tell you that game is already owned by you.
Bundle in a Box added two BTA games:
- Skylight (Desura, DRM-Free; Win/Mac) - RPS
- Shadows on the Vatican, Act II: Wrath - this is labeled as a "preorder", the actual game hasn't be released yet.
With seemingly no extensions this time, IndieGala is only going to be available for the next 8 hours.
Looks like GetGamesGo is going to launch tomorrow a follow-up to their Little Big Bunch bundle.
New bundle on the IndieGala Store: the Whispered Cargo Bundle
PWYW: Edna & Harvey: The Breakout (DRM-Free) RPS, Airline Tycoon Deluxe (DRM-Free) 3.99$+: The Whispered World (Steam), Cargo: The Quest for Gravity (Steam)
This must be their most interesting to date...
Ok, let's try this again. It's live, pick 5 games 6£ / 10$ / 7.5€:
- Dark Scavenger (DRM-Free) [Bundle in a Box #2 and IndieFort repeat]
- Archon Classic (DRM-Free)
- Grotesque Tactics (DRM-Free) [IndieGala III repeat]
- Space Colony HD (DRM-Free)
- Serious Sam: The Random Encounter (DRM-Free)
- Tofu 1 & 2 (DRM-Free)
- Trouble with Robots (DRM-Free)
- Unstoppable Gorg (DRM-Free) [IndieRoyale Spring repeat]
- Worms Reloaded (Steam)
IndieGala has been give some more time while Humble Bundle is going to close in less than 9 hours.
Dark Scavenger is great - SS: The Random Encounter is amusing enough if repetitive - Unstoppable Gorg is about as novel as a TD gets - Grotesque Tactics is - well - it's OK if the humour works for you and AWFUL if it doesn't...
and Worms Reloaded then...
Do they patch adverts into Tofu when you're not looking like they did with the iOS app?
(don't even know if they changed it or not, do it once and you get deleted and fuck you etc..)
Archon Classic is a serviceable remake of the original Archon with a perfectly acceptable remix of the title screen music (I don't mean the version in the trailer). Really, it's quite agreeable.
Believe it or not, the Trouble With Robots is actually pretty interesting, and I'd recommend it.
It's a bit like Plants vs Zombies meets a card game and gets more fast paced, to have the worst, but closest description I can think of.
The THQ bundle closed and it got pretty close to HIBV:
Total payments: $5,097,376.36
Purchases #: 885,285
Average purchase: $5.76
Tomorrow/today the next Indiefort bundle will go up:
Ignition Bundle
- Achron (Steam) - RPS WIT metacritic
- Alien Shooter 2 Conscription (Steam) [IFK Be in the Game repeat]
- Orczz (Greenlight)
- Syder Arcade (Greenlight)
Well I tried the demo and I really liked it - but I had a bit of a concern that the 'random draw of cards' would make some bits a bit - well - random.
The demo has limited stages but there's a Challenge - 15 waves - and I've been happily playing that (furthest I've gotten is dying on Wave 14) and I was sort-of-right, randomness is a factor - but the joyous design of the cards means it's ALWAYS worth another try
I love it - basically - you shouldn't miss it - demo here
p.s. I've STILL not beaten the challenge - made it to 15 but it's just crazy-hard :)
Waking Mars is on steam now. anyone know if the buyers of HiB for android 4 are getting steam keys?
Yes, they were even asking people to vote WM on GL IIRC.
BeMine 6 closing in about 18 hours. Next week they're gonna launch a new offering called "Build a Greenlight Bundle". There's also been rumors about a new Humble Indie Bundle but no facts yet AFAIK.
PS: THQ bundle data for nerds.
Waking Mars Steam key now available on your HIB for Android 4 page.


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*NEW*→ A webpage on how I found the original location of where the first Painted Post stood. ←*NEW*
Click on the following links to view photos of Painted Post in 1973 & '74...
Looking North on Water Street.
An interesting grave stone found at the Coopers Plains cemetery.
The gravestone of Ben Patterson, located in Townsend Cemetery near the Mulhollon Bridge (I took this photo in the early 1970's). A Civil War reenactment in Hodgman Park during a Colonial Days weekend in the 1970's.
Click on the following links to view a couple of photos from the 1969 Colonial Days parade:
showing Painted Post with a glyph for the post itself.
June 23, 1972
Platt Street at Hamilton, looking toward 4 corners. (I took this photo while the water was still rising)
The next four photos were taken from the top of the West Hill water tower during the height of the flood.
After the water receded:
A clock that was under water in our kitchen during the flood
Click HERE to view the page.
Before it was torn down.
Looking North on Hamilton Street.
Looking at Tillmans Drug Store at Water & Hamilton streets.
Looking South on Hamilton Street at the
Post Office.
The Indian Monument before it was moved.
And who could forget Boscos?
Remember Bement's Dairy Store?
Click on photo for larger view
Colonial Days 1978
Click on photo for larger view
(I again saw this gravestone last year [2014] and sadly most of the inscription has been eaten away by the elements since I took this photo in the 1970's)
A Sons of the American Revolution (S.A.R.) marker describing Patterson's service during the Revolutionary War.
The above photo, but "aged".
1969 Colonial Days #1
1969 Colonial Days #2
Click HERE to see some Indian and historical artifacts I've found in the Painted Post/Gang Mills area.
A 1796 hand colored map of New York State
Click on the maps for a larger view.
Photos and map courtesy of Ann Finneran.
The Flood of '72
(Known as hurricane "Agnes")
(It was very interesting [and slippery] climbing on top of that tower...you had to be there to understand):
The four corners in Post.
The Presbyterian Church on Hamilton Street.
A look at Hamilton St. south and Erwin Valley.
A photo of the Erwin Valley.
The Apenowich
garage on Olive Street.
The "old" King's Dairy store on Pulteney street.
What's left of McDonalds on Pulteney.
A view of Riverside from the railroad bridge looking north on Pulteney.
The damage at Bill Connor's Auto Sales (kitty-corner from Fazzary's).
A house on the Gang Mills exit of route 15.
and captured the time when the power went out that day.
The Olive Street Flood Party of 1974 and 1975
Here's a link to a good 10 minute Youtube video of before, during and after the Flood of '72 in the Corning-Painted Post area.
A link to an article titled:
Joe Kane Remembers The Flood of 1972 in Painted Post.
Did you know there was a song about The Flood of '72? And did you know there's a young adult book based upon The Flood of '72? Both the song and book are centered around Elmira, but are still
A few photos of
Just after pulling into Painted Post.
A link to a Veteran tribute to Wally "Moe" Newcomb.
Click on the banner below to view my other web pages.
Flood Party 5
Flood Party 6
Flood Party 7
Flood Party 8
It's an interesting account of what happened in the village of Painted Post in the days and months after the flood, as told by the late and long time village resident, Joe Kane.
Click here to read it.
The name of it is: "It Sprinkled, It Rained, and It Poured".
John Nickerson wrote and also recorded this song.
You can hear it on Youtube while viewing photos of the flood.
Here's a link on how this song came to be.
It's titled Rat Life by Tedd Arnold.
You can read a review of it here.
relevant to Painted Post and what the residents saw and experienced that day.
Lt. Col. Wally "Moe" Newcomb
and his homecoming to Painted Post from over five years in a North Viet Nam
POW camp.
An Air Force pilot of a F-105, he was shot down
and captured in North Viet Nam August 3rd, 1967 at about 7am on a Thursday morning...
And released on March 14th, 1973.
Happy to be home
A lot of Painted Posters turned out for his homecoming that day.
Another photo of the welcome home crowd.
And the start of the parade that took him home.
"Old Painted Post" cannot be reproduced in part or in whole without explicit written permission of Mark Spaulding.
All graphics © 2002 Mark Spaulding.
All photos © 2002-2014 as noted on photos (Mark Spaulding, D. Spaulding, L. Spaulding).
e-mail: sabre_fan at hotmail dot com


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Cold Weather Startup Q's
Ive come across conflicting info on best practices when starting cars in cold winter weather. It is best to start up and drive off or to idle and warm up for a few minutes before driving off?
Otherwise, Ive had my car for two years and dont recall this in the past, but has anyone else noticed a deeper grunt to the engine / exhaust in cold winter weather and a somewhat heavier steering feel? Thanks. |
I just start the car and wait until the rpm low to 750 or 500 rpm and move. but while i'm moving i drive the car gently under 2500 rpm for like 10 minutes.
Great; thanks!
The manual says you can drive it immediately. But out of habit I wait 30-45 seconds before putting it in gear.
Thanks, Chris!
I have a 730d and as you might guess, it's pretty damn cold here in Finland during winter time, occasionally -20 degrees Fahrenheit and below.
I never wait when driving off. Obviously it's a good idea to avoid high rpm's for a few minutes, but BMW's are built to last, even in arctic conditions :supdude: |
-20 deg F? Wow!
We've seen that temp semi-regularly as well. Curious if you've had any issues with the Adblue delivery like we have experienced on both our X5 and past ML320? Quote:
I normally have had engine block heaters in my cars, but in this I don't. I get bored easily with my cars and swap them about once a year and haven't gotten around to have a heater installed...
Electric pads attached to engine block are not that efficient compared to Webasto diesel heaters, but several hours of heating with electric heater can heat the coolant somewhat. The weird thing about OEM Webasto is, that it doesn't heat the engine, only the cabin. |
http://www.padheaters.com/ It heats the oil instead of the coolant. |
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My very first pair of socks is finished. Knitting the first sock was like a dream, learning about magic loop, magic cast on, turn heel.. The second sock went just fine, still I think I might join this plan for at least a couple of pairs. I will definitely knit more socks right away. The thing is, the other two knitting projects that lie around here are kind of frustrating right now. I'm not sure if I really love the Silke tweed yarn used for the Shifting Sands, so I might frog all of it and go for another yarn for the scarf. Or maybe I'll change my mind and finish it after all.. The vest is on hold for the moment, simply because I can't decide where to go with it. My original plan was lace all up, and maybe that is what it should be too. It's a good winter project, and not going anywhere, so there it is..
Knitting socks is so compatible with Summer. Easy to carry, and perfect for knitting a round here, a round there without loosing track of it. The Monkey socks were fun, and I like the yarn, though I'm not all crazy about the colours. Think I'm more of a somewhat solid kind of person. I've already started another project with a perfect green mix, more about that later.
Pattern: Monkey socks by Cookie A.
15 May 2007
Toe-up Monkeys
Yarn: Lorna's Laces Shepherd Sock, "Gold Hill"
Modifications: Yes! I knitted the sock toe-up, only because I liked the idea of that approach, using this pattern, thus reversing the Monkey lace.
Posted by Tora at 15.5.07
Labels: Finished Objects, Socks
1 comment:
- Marie said...
it's beautiful! Fabulous colors, but if you don't like the striping maybe you should try a semisolid, or a variegated that has nuances of the same color.
- 17 May, 2007 07:27
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Why You Should Forget the Word Scalable
This article is a reprint of Wise Bread's contribution to OPEN Forum from American Express -- where small business owners can get advice from experts and share tips with each other.
Is it scalable? If you run a business or are thinking of opening one, someone has probably asked you this question about your concept. That's especially true if you're approaching potential investors.
There's a good reason to ask this question. If you have come up with a way to magnify the reach of your business by opening new locations, tapping the power of the web, or through some other means, you are likely to bring in more money for you and your backers and ultimately add to the value of the business. For some business owners, nothing is more exciting than coming up with a great idea and running with it — all the way to an IPO or some other big cash-out.
Am I the only one out there who wonders if scalability is the wrong goal for many entrepreneurs? In writing about small business for more than 15 years, I've come across countless business owners who have very ambitious visions — providing very high quality products and services, making a real difference in the lives of their customers, and achieving nice revenue and profit growth — but really don't care if they create the next Best Buy, Staples, or Starbucks. That type of huge exponential growth isn't their goal. Nonetheless, many run very profitable businesses, earn enviable incomes, and create plenty of jobs. Often their businesses are more welcome in their communities than the big chains that embody scalability taken to its most extreme conclusion.
At a time when many people feel disconnected from big businesses and are gravitating to the types of shops that do business on Etsy — which raised $20 million earlier this year at a valuation of about $300 million — perhaps it's time for more entrepreneurs to enjoy the unique rewards of keeping a business small. Here are three reasons you may want to forget about scalability in your business, gleaned from many conversations I've had with entrepreneurs on the subject:
You're passionate about running an artisanal or boutique business
Maybe you run a restaurant that's special because it is quirky, unique, and found in only one location. Or you offer a particular approach to a service — whether it is personal coaching, accounting, or dance instruction — that no one else does, and enjoy sharing what you do with a small-but-loyal set of customers.
In this case, trying to standardize what you do so you can expand it to other locales may not work for you or could hurt your brand. Many in the youngest generation of entrepreneurs seem to appreciate this. Witness the growth of crowdsourced funding sites, where fans of highly personal and artisanal businesses that are unlikely to attract traditional funding are making outright donations to these small enterprises.
Your business is at its ideal size — for you
For some owners, passing the 100-employee or 150-employee mark means running a much more corporate business. If you became an entrepreneur to get away from a corporate mindset and don't want to bring in another manager to run your company for you anytime soon, then this factor is important to consider.
You value your time more than money
Trying to grow a business to a much larger scale introduces a lot of complexity, which takes time and commitment to manage. If you're at a stage of life where you have other priorities, whether it is spending as much time as possible with your children, taking better care of your health, or making charitable activities part of your regular routine, putting pressure on yourself to grow the business to the greatest possible size as quickly as possible may compromise those goals. After all, isn't the idea of running your own business to have the freedom to work — and live — the way you want?
Disclaimer: The links and mentions on this site may be affiliate links. But they do not affect the actual opinions and recommendations of the authors.
Wise Bread is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.


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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 1999
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Banner Exchanges
I am doing some research (not affiliate related) for a friend on banner exchanges.
Do you know 3 or 4 banner exchanges that allow the bannres to be placed "below the fold" ? |
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: Slower Lower Delaware, USA
Posts: 868
One of the reasons that I don't like banner exchanges is that many of them have no rules for how far down on the page you can put them. Also, I'd like it if they even stated in their rule that they be the only banner exchange that appears on your page. Anyone with multiple banner ads, in some cases I've seen five or six, on their page is really slowing down their page load time, and doing no justice to either their own web site or the "advertisers" on the banner exchange. Some exchanges, like link buddies, gives you a preferred rate for prime placement in the top segment of the viewing screen. In my humble opinion, if you are looking for how many banner exchanges allow for bottom placement, or unlimited placement, you are only fooling yourself. The pro's and con's of banner ads are usually discussed at Ryan's forum next door. You can see his reviews of banner exchanges at: http://www.clickquick.com/click/ ------------------ Regards, Questy The small business and technology guru, It's not just a job, it's an addiction! www.computerguru.net |
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Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: See Answers 2000 Limited
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Thanks for replying Questy.
Personally I don't like Banner Ex either...and don't use em...plus agree with all the points you make. That aside, I agreed to help my friend with gathering what is some educational/research info on banners, banner code, etc. Ryan's info on exchanges is good, but limited in scope. A bit of time with a search engine found me a lot (hundreds?) of banner exchanges. What I'd really like to know about is specialized exchanges, exchanges for specific purposes, and rules on placement etc. I'm prepared to hunt down this info myself, but any pointers would be appreciated. |
Registered User
Join Date: Jan 1999
Location: Slower Lower Delaware, USA
Posts: 868
In the for what it's worth department, while there may be "hundreds" of banner exchanges, I can say beware of too specialized or too small exchanges. This is speaking from the voice of experience, my biggest complaint is the lack of professionalism in the banners they allow in their exchange. The next biggest problem is when their technical problems bog down or show up on your site it can be very embarrasing. While I've "tested" quite a few banner exchanges, there's really none I've tried that aren't on Ryan's list that I would recommend. I guess I'd rather have a short list where I felt comfortable with the quality of what's on the list, rather than a long list where many of the listings were for sub-par services. Good luck in your search, Questy |
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Project by Jono | posted 02-29-2008 01:23 PM | 3517 views | 11 times favorited | 11 comments |
11 comments so far
#1 posted 02-29-2008 02:12 PM |
Clean lines, timeless…nice work! Congrats on getting it shown (gallery?). -- Robb |
#2 posted 02-29-2008 02:20 PM |
Another excellent piece and the gallery does a outstanding job on display. Question? What is the spacer between the end board and the leg in the third picture? I would love to see a picture of the underside of this table. Yesterday you posted a table with a link to Brent Comber's site and I must say I really enjoyed the site. The man has some unique ideas and combines great art with woodworking. Thanks for posting the table. -- There is no such thing as scrap wood!, |
#3 posted 02-29-2008 02:39 PM |
Jono, Again this is excellent work. The simplicity of the lines add excellent details to the piece. Matching the end grain adds a subtle detail to the piece as well. Nicely done. -- Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful- Joshua Marine |
#4 posted 02-29-2008 03:07 PM |
STILL-Art,yet E-motion evoking. Simply Beautiful. -- I love the smell of sawdust in the morning.... |
#5 posted 02-29-2008 04:00 PM |
Like this piece a lot Jono, clean, modern, solid as a rock. -- I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it. - Pablo Picasso |
#6 posted 02-29-2008 05:20 PM |
Very nice table Jono. I love maple. How many men does it take to move this? -- My favorite piece is my last one, my best piece is my next one. |
#7 posted 02-29-2008 05:51 PM |
Very nice! The finish looks amazing, what did you use? |
#8 posted 02-29-2008 07:53 PM |
Very nice looking maple table. I love maple in any medium. To me it's the most beautiful wood. mike -- (You just have to please the man in the Mirror) Mike from Michigan - |
#9 posted 03-01-2008 01:18 AM |
nice and clean -- Brian, Eternal Furniture & Design http://www.eternal-furniture.com |
#10 posted 03-01-2008 04:29 AM |
Beautifully done. Maple is really nice to work with. I love the clean lines and the floating top! -- Aim high. Ride easy. Trust God. Neale Donald Walsch |
#11 posted 03-01-2008 11:52 AM |
That is one fine table. It really shows well. |
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Northfield, MN, USA < change city >
Cakes (9)
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Bands (6)
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Coordinators (4)
Wedding Day Beauty (4)
Rentals (3)
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Decorations (2)
Favors (2)
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Invitations (2)
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Ceremony Sites (29)
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See All Vendors >
October, 2010 in Edina"Our wedding was amazing. We were married in mid October and had the most perfect weather. I have to brag most about the Grand. This venue was exactly what we were looking for. We didn't want your typical hotel or country club wedding. We've always liked the vintage feel. That is what we got at the Grand. It was Perfect!"
Ceremony: Christ Presbyterian Church
Reception: The Grand of Northfield
- Ceremony: Christ Presbyterian Church
- Hotel: Holiday Inn Hotel Burnsville (Apple Valley)
- Reception: The Grand of Northfield
- Attraction: Mall of America
- Hotel: AmericInn Northfield
Christ Presbyterian Church
6901 Normandale RdEdina, MN 55435
"This is the church we attend. This is one of the most beautiful churches in the Twin Cities. It has a ton of natural light and was great for photos."
The Grand of Northfield
316 Washington StNorthfield, MN 55057
"The Grand was an amazing venue. If you want the vintage charm, go here. The food was good, but the atmosphere was unreal."
AmericInn Northfield
1320 Bollenbacher DrNorthfield, MN 55057
"They were great. This is one of the nicer hotels in Northfield. It has a cabin feel which is cozy. The manager Paul was outstanding. They accommodated my guests wonderfully."
Holiday Inn Hotel Burnsville (Apple Valley)
14201 Nicollet Ave, SouthBurnsville, MN, United States


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Feather Bread (Bread Maker - for Bread - Rolls - and Buns.)
Love baking bread and rolls. When wrists began to make kneading difficult I got a bread maker - my hand made
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Bread Machine Garlic Herb Bread
Got part of this from an old recepie. Rest was ad-libed.Results everyone loved it. Great for garlic toast a day or so later.
oregano, margarine, +yeast, +bread flour, +parsley, +basil, +garlic powder, +powdered milk, +salt, +water, +sugar
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Small Ultra-Light Healthy French Bread Loaf (Abm) Bread Machine
This carefully adapted bread machine recipe makes a superb, wonderfully light and open-textured French style loaf, but smaller than most - ideal for one...
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Perfectly Fresh White Bread (Bread Machines)
This recipe makes one 1 1/2 pound loaf. My family's favorite everyday bread... Soft, fluffy, fresh, and light... Smells great, but tastes even better....
margarine, +bread flour, +yeast, +butter, +milk powder, +olive oil, +salt, +sugar, +vanilla extract, +water
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Basic Egg Bread for the Bread Machine (abm)
This is a delicious and basic bread recipe and it is so easy because you just dump everything into your breadmachine and go! If you are looking for a basic...
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100% Whole Wheat Bread (Bread Machine)
This recipe was included with my old Black and Decker bread machine. This bread is wonderful.
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Bread Machine French Bread Italian Style
A light bread that can be made however you want to flavor it. Use your imagination, and even plain it is a good French bread. Makes a one pound loaf
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Caraway Rye Bread Recipe (Bread Machine)
I recently got myself a bread machine and made my first loaf with it today. I think it will take some practice to get used to using the machine, but half...
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Butter-Herb Glaze Mixture for Dinner Rolls & Bread
An excellent and easy to prepare brush on herb glaze for bread and dinner rolls. This also makes a good dipping sauce for bread as well as fish and seafood...
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Carrot Bread (Bread Machine)
This is one of my favorite bread machine recipes.It has a lovely color.
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Its not that importat, but I think it would be nice to be able to comment on peoples profile/bios.
And when they reach a certain age they could automatically get deleted or something to avoid clutter
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Profile Comments
Zach 'Iowa' Hoeken Plus locked this topic on Jun 27, 2008 because the topic is older than 6 months.
yep, sounds like a really good idea! that way when i drop bye on billytalents profile i could tell him that i think they make great music (actually i dont know them), a comment not worth of sending a private message.
sorta like "testimonials" on flickr? {i like that}
sorta like the comment crap of myspace? {i hate that}
I would hate for it to become commenting like myspace, but I think something like the testimonials on flickr might be fun.
oooh, those myspace comments are so cool, i specially like the "thanks for the add" comments. the like totally show how like totally cool and popular you are!
jakob was already testing a bulletin feature, i dont think vimeo should copy myspace anymore
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Artist Statement
Jill Greenberg, 2016
The "Paintings" series is, in some part, motivated by a turning-of-the-tables on painters who use photography as their source material, those who find the need to re-render "found" photography. This casual and institutionalized disrespect of the original author, the photographer, has become so entrenched that even photographers themselves are buying into image appropriation as a way of making art. This is important and personal to me since my photography has been stolen or copied with an absurd frequency. The work which people are asking to "transform" are not merely snapshots but have been set up and lit painstakingly, then hand painted digitally. I am pinged almost daily with these requests- for my work to be used as source material, for someone else's work. As if due the fact that they are merely photographs deems them fair game to be turned into that highest of art forms: painting.
So I set out to make a body of work that commented on this trope of paintings of photographs but ultimately, as with all of my work, have combined it with my deep engagement with making luscious and compelling, vivid images. I combine acrylic, tempera, oils, and water on various surfaces like linen and paper, but primarily a glass painter's palette. I manipulate the paint using brushes and palette knives, allowing it to dry, adding water back, and rotating the glass to change the reflections. To create the lighting, I use both natural light from my studio skylight as well as strobes with soft boxes and hand cut stencils which cast shapes or words visible in the paint's reflections. While there is almost no retouching—except for cleaning up dust caught in the wet paint—the image data is quite processed in the image capture program. I adjust contrast, hue, sharpness, and utilize almost every slider for maximal effect.
A simulacra of impasto. Lens-based, 80 or 100 megapixel paintings. Hand-made and high res.
They are time-based paintings and do not look like much of anything in "real life;" the majority of the effect is lighting and reflection, and image processing. Many have been upset that I toss the raw materials used to make these images, that I wash away the original "painting," but the painting, once dry and without all the punched up contrast, looks nothing like the final works. The value of the destroyed paintings still haunts the confused audience who feels that painting is the fairest form of art in the land. One would not save a moldy bowl of fruit or rotting flowers that were painted as a still life. The photograph is the culmination of the work here, the new medium made with mastery of both light and paint, time and the hand, not a mere painting.
Featured Exhibition in Scotiabank Contact Photo Festival 2016
Essay by Erin Saunders for Bau-Xi Photo Gallery, 2015
Bau‐Xi Photo is pleased to present "Paintings," a bold new series by acclaimed photographer Jill Greenberg. Known internationally for her playful portraits, signature lighting and post‐production techniques, Greenberg now experiments with painting as her photographic subject, a venture that radically challenges ideas about medium, process, and originality. These "Paintings" are single‐edition archival inkjet prints that study the interaction of light and painted surface: high gloss, still‐wet smears of gouache ooze; brushstrokes are blown up to reveal multi‐dimensional colours mixing over the palette. The final photograph—made unique by Greenberg's destruction of the initial painting—flattens the surface, crops its organic spread, and magnifies its properties. Greenberg's images are intense visual stimuli that seem to push paint to its absolute limit as it begins to verge on the surreal—all that is missing in the finished product is the paint itself. "Paintings" are engrossing images that at once indulge and deny our senses, provocative surfaces in which paint and photography are each other's muse.
Jill Greenberg's recent series "Paintings" has regularly been described as the artist's return to the medium with which she began her studies at the Rhode Island School of Design in the 1980s. But "return" may be too simple a term. Indeed, "Paintings" might be seen as an extension—even a culmination—of the acclaimed artist's experimental photographic practice, one that profoundly unsettles expectations about medium, process, and authenticity.
Whereas art history once grappled with the questions of what painting could offer photography beyond the promise of imitation, Greenberg's images insist on a kind of reversal: what does photography offer painting? Even more, in what way does each medium extend the other's limits? Greenberg's career has certainly explored these boundaries in her accomplished commercial career, in which post‐production techniques—now celebrated and widely emulated—feature heavily.
For "Paintings," Greenberg begins her process by applying a range of paint types to a glass palette, manipulating both dry and wet pigments to create dynamic surfaces of pure colour and texture. She then photographs these painted experiments under both natural and artificial light sources, sometimes using stencils that reflect words and shapes onto the surface. The process is a paring down of both media to their essential elements: mixing and blending on the artist's palette meets the process of filtering and directing light. Once her image is captured, Greenberg discards the painting, effectively eliminating—but also complicating—the notions of subject and source.
The result is a large format art object—an archival inkjet print, sometimes on printed on and stretched on canvas—that reveals stunning chromatic dimensions and dramatic range of consistency in Greenberg's initial painting, while also depending fully on the almost fetishized finish that the camera provides. The artist's lighting techniques capture the high gloss of a still wet smear of gouache in provocative displays of texture and tactility; at the same time, the photographic layer flattens the painted surface, cleanly crops its organic spread, and magnifies its properties to hyper‐realistic effect.
Greenberg's "Paintings" lend the reproducibility of photography to the perceived uniqueness of painting, while also denying this same reproducibility by creating unique, single‐edition art objects. The process is a sophisticated comment on how the myth of authenticity struggles to coexist with the essential construct of commercial copyright. "Paintings" are not paintings, nor are they photographs: they are moments of painting—studies of visual material under highly controlled of conditions; they are vehicles for photography—surfaces for experiments of light. In many ways, this collapsing of media is not a return to painting so much as it is a departure from art historical terminology altogether. Greenberg's images radically call into question the hierarchy of media that has described artist practice since the mid‐1800s, and incite new questions about the ways we consume and interpret visual information: has Greenberg rendered all painting site‐specific; has she re‐inscribed photography with aura? The anxiety that comes with such questions are aptly represented by the scare quotes on either side of the series title; "Paintings" is a placeholder for something else, something new, something we cannot yet put words to.
This series is an exploration of the projected identity of the human male, as such, it is intended to include a full range of emotions and gestures. I am enthralled by the painterly effect achieved by photographing through water, the way the forms seem to radiate carnal energy. Beyond that, I have decided to leave the interpretation more open than I had initially planned, to prevent it from being too limited by my statement.
Jill Greenberg, 2013
My obsession with horses began at the early age of six. What is it that makes young girls project so much onto these gorgeous animals? I drew them, painted them, sculpted them, collected plastic models of them, read stories about them, and rode them. When I saw the same happening with my young daughter, I decided it was time to return to my primary muse. It had been more than thirty-five years since my first attempts to capture the grace and musculature of these animals, and I finally had a black beauty in the studio and the skill to render him completely. Just to see the magnificent creature standing outside his trailer was beyond exciting. Those of us who live in cities easily forget the scale and power of large animals.
The horse project is not only an homage to the physique of these sexy beasts but also an exploration of the paradoxical gender identities cast[J1] onto this unique animal. We see them as masculine, strong, muscular, even phallic. Yet they have been made subservient, so their position in the world relates to the role women continue to occupy. Horses are both masculine and feminine, dominant and submissive, mastered and wild. Their raw power and their innate sexual energy are harnessed by both men and women. My photographs focus on the animal's body; on cut, striated muscles under shiny, cropped hair; on crimped manes and windswept forelocks; on the strong shoulders and hindquarters of Baroque breeds like the Friesian and the Andalusian. The colors I digitally hand-painted are associated with the feminine, yet the formal approach and strength portrayed is decidedly masculine.
But the horse's rich history of ownership and usefulness to humankind comes out of an equally long history of forced submission. [ES2]Horses must submit to the bit. Until quite recently, it was universally accepted that horses needed to be "broken" by their owners. The bit is a piece—or multiple pieces—of metal that interface with the tongue and mouth. An aggressive rider will yank the reins, which pulls the bit deeper into the mouth, gagging the animal. Items of tack called martingales, which tie the head down and force it to stay low, with the neck arched[ES3], are used to win points in dressage tournaments. This is called rollkur, or hyperflexion. Several images in this book show rollkur, but the position had been prompted by no tools save a carrot to encourage and direct the horse's head. There are special bridles for jumping events that even shut horses' mouths completely. The bits and bridles are used to control and manipulate raw, natural power, much in the same way that women's movement[ES4]-restricting apparel, supporting undergarments, and especially high-heeled shoes can be painful and limiting. I photographed bits, which, when taken out of context, suggest the appearance of sadomasochistic bondage gear. Which is, in fact, what they are.
My research into the harsh practices of equestrian oppression led me to discover a similar tool for use on women dating to the 1600s, called a scold's bridle, designed to punish and silence mouthy women. The bridle was equipped with not only a serrated piece of metal to be inserted into a woman's mouth but also, at times, with large ears so that the woman resembled an animal, to further the victim's humiliation as she was paraded around on a lead in public.
British scholar Gavin Robinson has written about the horse as central to power in past cultures: [ES5]
Some punishments were very heavily gendered. The scold's bridle symbolized the idea that women were like animals, because horses were made to wear bits and bridles. But there was also the practical effect that the bridle stopped a woman from speaking. Speech was said to be one of the main things that set humans apart from all other animals. By taking away her power of speech the bridle made a woman more bestial in practice as well as in theory.1
Ultimately, I uncovered an historical incident that both signifies and transcends: a moment that has become a locus in my work to spotlight the intense emotion associated with the continued failure of feminism. The account is that of Emily Wilding Davison, a highly educated British suffragist. In 1913 she walked onto the Epsom Derby racetrack in the midst of a horse race in an attempt to pin a symbolic suffragist flag on a horse, but collided with and was trampled by Anmer, King George V's horse.
In that one visceral moment, the idea of the horse and the idea of feminism manifested itself for posterity, in a woman's failed effort to halt the forward motion of the animal of the most powerful man in the land—his surrogate, his racehorse. Recent work has led me to sketches for a sculpture to commemorate this event. A monument to the failure of Feminism. Interestingly, a life-size statue commemorating Emily Wilding Davison would also serve to remind us that, in the United States, only one in eight statues celebrate a woman's achievements (Harper's Index May 2011).[ES6]
But more on the form of the horse. Their heads and necks are remarkably phallic, and I have chosen to exploit this in my photographs. I have long been concerned with "exposing the phallus" in a playful, mocking way. The horse's neck is presented as a confrontational image. In general, the shapes and features in the photographs are not manipulated at all. The extent of the digital imaging work that I do varies, but it is primarily concerned with changing color, shading, and shine. These animals were photographed in makeshift studios set up in the ring at stables in and around California and outside Vancouver, as well as running free outside their barns. I used a camera better suited for studio portraiture so as to capture the highest-quality image possible. Chasing untrained horses with multiple, flashing strobe lights popping wasn't the safest way to take photographs, but I survived, and it was worth it.
Artist Statement: Glass Ceiling
By Jill Greenberg, 2011
The "Glass Ceiling" project is about the "set up" of being a woman. These women are professional athletes and dancers; therefore, they are dressed for work. In 2008, I was commissioned to do a "fashion" shoot using the US Olympic Synchronized Swim Team as models. 2 of the set ups included high heels. Inspired by the shoots outtakes I hired a local synchronized swim troupe in 2010 and directed the women with gestures as I sat at the bottom of a pool in full scuba gear with a state-of-the-art 65 megapixel back on my digital camera.
As these athletes attempt to pose for me the water knocks them into awkward positions. The heels are overtly absurd and hinder their movement, amplifying their lack of control in this world.
"The disciplinary project of femininity is a setup, it requires such radical and extensive bodily transformation, that a woman is destined in some degree to fail."
This quote by Sandra Lee Bartky was the crux of my senior thesis, "The Female Object" at the Rhode Island School of Design in 1989. At the conclusion of the multimedia presentation that was the "Female Object," the final projected slide declared "Exit the Powder Room." It was my assertion that this project of femininity is a self-created distraction from accomplishing more serious goals.
"Glass Ceiling" marks for me the return to my explorations throughout the 90's of the depiction of the female body as if directly channeled from the male psyche. In these images, the identities have become inconsequential as their heads are cut off, the sexualized bodies are the focus. As a female artist, I have experimented with imagery which explores the objectification of women for many years. First, a series of drawings of women as seen by men, just breasts, vaginas, heels, then a multimedia digital piece called "Eve of the Future" which posited that if man could genetically engineer the woman of his dreams, she would have multiple orifices and no head. This work was acquired as part of a collection by SF MOMA.
The images channel the feelings I have of being powerless in a culture run by men. The psychic violence is made pictorially overt. The subjects are victimized despite their physical strength, health and any other good luck they might have been born into. The fact that they had the bad luck of being born women makes them a punchline. The violence in our slang and street vernacular used in discussing women and sexual intercourse makes it apparent that the collective male culture feels aggressively dismissive of women. I felt it was important to show the violence and emotion I feel as a woman in contemporary culture, from a woman's point of view. The images might be read as violent towards women, they are meant to be. This is what it feels like to exist in the female body.
Ursine Artist Statement
By Jill Greenberg
I started planning this collection of bear photographs in the summer of 2006. It was just after the exhibiting "End Times," a series of portraits depicting children crying. The return to animal portraiture was in reaction to the vitriol directed at me in response to "End Times." It felt "safer" to photograph these huge predatory beasts than the tiny but emotional toddlers who had the angry bloggers up in arms. As I embarked on the project, I intended to show epic bear power, their animalistic rage as an analogy to the human behavior I was experiencing.
I Had Discovered that Ruth Le Barge in Alberta, Canada, had some of the best "close contact bears" in the world, and that I could shoot intimate portraits of them with my outdoor studio lighting setup. This setup requires an animal that can (a) stay on a mark for long periods of time while (b) not eating me or my crew. In August of 2006 I flew up to Calgary for my first shoot with six different bears: five Kodiaks and one black bear.
I went for a brief tour of the compound just after arriving and Ruth introduced me to the various bears. When she asked the twenty-five-year-old, eight-foot-tall Kodiak Ali Oop to give me a kiss on the cheek, I realized I would survive the project. The next morning, as we began to shoot, I was examining my Polaroids; I was surprised to discover that the bears didn't look alive or real in the pictures. I don't think I had ever seen such a close-up, artificially lit bear picture; it was amazing to be able to examine the details of each bears face and even the teeth inside their mouths. Usually when you are that close to a bear's mouth it's the last thing you see.
As the project continued and I photographed other bears, I realized I had to include a polar bear for reasons beyond their inherent beauty. Polar bears are short-timers on this planet, with probably twenty-five more years before they exist only in zoos. They are the canaries in the coal mine of global warming, and their world is being devastated. I believe that the consequences of their loss of habitat will soon become all too apparent to us as well.
I found a working polar bear named Agee outside Vancouver with her own private pool and personal compound. Mark Dumas, her owner, splits his time between there and California where he also owns Koda, a massive 1600-pound grizzly bear. The reason for the two homes is that U.S. authorities won't let Mark bring Agee into the country, so she is resentful of mark every time he has to leave and for a while after he returns. Agee gets so possessive of Mark that she won't work directly with other women. Thus, while on the set with Agee, I was forced to communicate with Mark's wife, who would in turn tell Agee what to do. She was definitely the scariest bear I photographed. Polar bears are the most vicious predators on the planet.
Luckily for me, all of these animals are raised from birth to think that their trainers are their parents or, in some cases, their girlfriends. That the bears would sit like adorable Teddy bears – albeit Teddy bears with huge claws that could tear your flesh in an instant – also stand on their hind legs and growl silently on cue, was surreal and amazing to me.
One of my favorite shoots was with Amos, the baby bear cub. I actually photographed him in the living room of our house just after I shot the young actress Abigail Breslin for New York magazine. Needless to say, she stayed on to see the adorable cub – as well as the chimp the trainer had brought along. During the shoot, the chimp played in my childrens' play structure in the backyard. Amos was solid and his hair coarse, not soft as I had imagined, and although he was just a four-month old he was quite dangerous, too. To this day my son, who is three, asks is there is a baby bear coming to the house when I do a portrait shoot at home.
For the most part, I make my living photographing well-known people. However, I have done animal portraits since I was very young. In the fifth grade I was shooting pictures of my West Highland white terrier, Plato, with Vaseline on the lens, among other techniques. Now, for my creative work, I photograph trained animals with studio lighting in traditional portrait setups to explore and draw parallels with human qualities and behaviors. The veneer of socialization and intelligence that sets us apart from many other animals is just that – a veneer. In 2001, when I began the series of photographs that became Monkey Portraits, it was to show the striking similarities of character and "personality" between us and other simians. In photographing bears, I was looking to reflect the angry criticism that had been anonymously pointed my way. But that intent changed as the project grew. I learned to see the duality of the bears' nature, the irony in the misleadingly innocent outward appearance they often exhibit. This in turn brought to mind society's misguided anthropomorphization of all animals, and our denial of their true nature. Bears can be simple, sometimes savage animals, but they have as much right to survival on this planet as we do. They are magnificent creatures of immense power, emotion and beauty. My images seek to capture the awe that they inspire.
End Times: Epilogue
By Jill Greenberg, 2012
When I set out to create my series of crying children in 2005, I had no idea that it would cause such a stir in both the photography and cultural community at large, or that the images would be so widely appropriated for causes significantly at odds with my original intent.
Each image in the series, which I entitled "End Times", was created by eliciting a child's hyperbolic reaction to minimal provocation. In many cases, the young subjects (children ages 2 to 4) required no provocation at all, and were simply agitated by the act of being photographed. The reasons for their distress were common to those of any child: having something taken away. As any parent knows, rarely does a toddler sobbing convey any real pain or mental anguish. At that age, it is one of the main methods of communication, and in this particular instance, a short tantrum provoked by gentle manipulation. Indeed, I found the circular logic at play a striking paradox. The children's worlds were not ending by having a lollipop taken away, but if only they had the capacity to understand what was happening to their world—to the environment—as a result of the backwards, conservative leadership in the White House in 2005, when the photographs were made, they would undoubtedly be distressed.
Before the exhibition in April, 2006, "End Times" was exhibited in a solo booth at the Scope art fair in New York. There the work elicited no controversy. A few weeks later, a pseudonymous photo blogger—a banker by day—discovered the work online and wrote that I should be "arrested and charged with child abuse" for my techniques, an all out polemic ensued. When American Photo magazine cited the blogger and called the work,"the most controversial photo series of the year" in their April 2006 print edition, the volume of online comments in response crashed their server. I was interviewed by BBC TV, Inside Edition, Good Morning America; was covered in The Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, The Sydney Morning Herald, and El Pais in Spain among others. The London Sunday Times magazine ran a six-page cover story called "The Great Lollipop Debate," referring to one of my methods for making the children cry. While I had very much intended for my art to be provocative, I had no sense of the hornet's nest into which I was poking a sharp stick.
Nevertheless the work itself garnered awards and was acquired by significant private collectors. "End Times" has been exhibited in solo shows in Los Angeles, New York, Paris, Adelaide, Australia, and in group shows at such venues as Brown University, the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art in Toronto, Boston University, and Museo d'Arte Contemporanea, Rome (curated by Paul Wombell).
Because of the influx of attention, the images have been widely distributed and have served as a sort of visual accompaniment to a host of causes, institutions and businesses wishing to play on the sympathy evoked by an image of a child in distress. I don't license my fine art work for advertising, and rarely for editorial or web use, but the images became a sort of visual meme and were stolen and used rampantly without my or the models' guardians' consent. To date, the images have been used in anti-child abuse campaigns, political campaigns for the far right in Switzerland and the communist party in Estonia, and for advertisements for phone applications and life insurance, as well as for countless Facebook and Twitter avatars.
If asked, I would never have allowed for the images to be used for any intent and purpose other than that of my own. But I am seldom asked. Blogs dedicated to deconstructing "The Jill Greenberg effect"—my lighting and retouching techniques from the series—continue to pop up in such disparate languages as Arabic and German, and I've been told that photography students worldwide are being assigned to reproduce the images as part of their coursework.
The photographs have a life of their own now. I created them, and, like children, have ambivalently let them out into the world.
Monkey Portraits Artist Statement
By Jill Greenberg
I began photographing monkeys and apes by accident. I had booked a small white capuchin named Katie for an advertising job. She was supposed to be having a tea party with two little girls in a pink room, standing on the table banging pots and wearing pink striped bloomers. For other assignments, I had shot penguins, lions and albino pythons, but this was the first time I had photographed a monkey. Since I had a bit of extra time and a nice client, I decided to do a portrait of Katie.
When I got the contact sheets back, the images startled and amused me. Katie's expressions were so human and her intelligence seemed so obvious I realized I had discovered a new subject - one perfect for social commentary. Since this work happened to commence in October 2001, just after the tragic events of 9/11, I was discovering my own sociopolitical awareness of the world. These animals' expressions allow an interpretation that can be perceived as passing judgment on the behavior of their genetic cousins. Ultimately, I ended up having to reshoot the ad with a toy poodle, since the client decided the monkey looked too menacing – not quite the effect they wanted to sell to moms in the Midwest.
I photographed more monkeys and apes whenever I had a chance or felt financially free enough to lay out the funds for these animal actors, with their attendant trainers and handlers. The project has taken about five years to complete and the subjects were photographed at my studios in New York and Los Angeles, as well as at Parrot Jungle in Miami. In all, I have photographed more than thirty different primates, about twenty different species: marmosets, mandrills, capuchins, macaques, orangutans and a chimpanzee, to name a few. They all have resonated with me in different ways. I love the wisdom in the face of Jake, the older orangutan. He is only five years old but looks like an old man. Another favorite is Josh, the Celebes macaque, who is on the cover. His black hair, amber-colored eyes, and long face make him look almost unreal, like a cartoon character.
What became apparent as I was making my selections after each shoot was that I was attracted to the images where the subjects appeared almost human, expressing emotions and using gestures I thought were reserved only for people. The formal studio portrait setting adds an air of both seriousness and humor. Some people have commented that the animals resemble friends or relatives. Sharon Stone remarked as I was shooting her, that she has "sat in studio meetings with guys like that," referring to "Haughty". Indeed, monkeys are not as high maintenance as many of the subjects I regularly photograph, albeit markedly more difficult to communicate with and give direction to. Of course, with primates, I don't have to be concerned with making sure they look "beautiful" or retouching them to appear flawless. They are us and the opposite of us at the same time since they share non of our cultural constraints on behavior or appearance. They seem to be looking back at us, sometimes judging, sometimes in shock. Is it something we've done? Maybe it is just that some of us are trying to pretend we aren't related. For anyone who doubts Darwin (ahem, Mr. President), look in the monkey mirror and think again.


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Gluten-Free Pasta With Smoked Salmon and Tarragon Cream Sauce
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Pasta With Clam Sauce Recipe
parmesan cheese, red pepper flakes, shallot, pasta, +clams, +garlic, +lemon juice, +lemon zest, +olive oil, +butter, +white wine
www.cdkitchen.com - Similiar recipes
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