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tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52515008237645262582018-01-15T08:36:17.475-08:00Our Family JournalRGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-73519828697147528462017-08-15T12:24:00.001-07:002017-08-15T12:24:37.095-07:0020 Weeks....And so far so good...though we have to return for more of our level 2 scan, our little one was not co-operating so the tech did not quite get everything, so we're hoping that is all that they need. We know we're having another little boy, the genetics and other screenings have all come back okay, so we're really hoping for good news from the next scan and maybe we'll actually start preparing to have another baby here. I'd forgotten how hard this part is, and in particular this pregnancy I have an anterior placenta - so though I can feel him kick, I can't feel much. That's not helping. Hopefully soon they'll become more regular. This fall too is going to be really busy at work, so i'm hoping it all just flies by....December 28th cannot come soon enough...:)

RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-77490771778442531102017-05-30T17:38:00.002-07:002017-05-30T17:38:32.358-07:009 Weeks 5 days...

9 weeks, 5 days - baby is now measuring on track, has an awesome heart rate and we saw s/he wiggle around today. We've officially graduated, and see our OB on friday for our first round of tests there, and more importantly the MateriT21 genetic test, which I am incredible nervous about (having had two recent miscarriages from likely chromosomal issues). I hope they'll scan us again soon too, it's so amazingly reassuring to see our little ones heart beating.

I want to say i'm cautiously optimistic, the last time we were this far along we ended up with an amazing baby boy....but, of course we also worry. I remember vividly many people repeatedly telling us we'd worry so much more when baby was on the outside - and this isn't to say we don't still worry about our 2 year old - but how so very wrong they were. I think it's hard for people to understand who haven't been through the things we have, but for us, there is so much more to worry about when we can't see our baby.

It sounds weird to say it but i'm also worried i'm not bleeding, we just assumed a SCH was a given because of my blood clotting disorder, so we waited for it to come. It was a sign to me things were not going well with the previous pregnancy that I didn't bleed. Could we possibly have a "normal" pregnancy? I can't dare to dream that dream...

For now, for today, we are blissful contemplating a complete family of 4.

RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-58915374589733181232017-05-11T06:55:00.000-07:002017-05-11T06:55:01.575-07:00Even good news is never really goodWell, we had our viability scan yesterday; the good news was that the heart rate was 129, which was good. The bad news (to us, anyway) was that the CRL measured at 6w2d, when we were really 6w6d along. That immediately brought back memories of our last miscarriage, where the fetus measured behind and never caught up before eventually losing its heartbeat.

Our ultrasound tech is a nice lady who we've had before, and she was quite upbeat about it all - that the heart rate was good and the size was 'fine'. She wanted to start chatting about which OB/GYN we were going to use, and our hearts just weren't in it. Even with good news, it just feels like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. We overheard her outside of the room explaining the results to our doctor's nurse, and she was expressing her surprise that the results seemed good to her, but that we seemed very concerned. That made me feel better, but of course then I think that with our history it's still not very good.

We met with our doctor afterward, and he was cautiously optimistic - he actually asked if we wanted to continue with him or with our regular OB/GYN, which he didn't offer with the miscarriage - he said we needed to come back for another scan. So that, too, seemed like a positive. I so want to believe that these folks, who see a huge range of people and pregnancies, know what a good one looks like. It's just really hard to believe.

I can't decide if I'm an 'omens' person or not - I always think of the movie 'Signs' when thinking about it, and I would normally say I land squarely on the not superstitious side of the fence. But then I kept trying to not shave during our cycles because I thought it was good luck. And yesterday, when we walked into the ultrasound room, "Sweet child o' mine" was playing on the tech's iPad. If that's not a good omen, I don't know what is. So we wait, we hope, and we worry.SBKhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-77509634285644447392017-05-02T05:47:00.003-07:002017-05-02T05:47:52.111-07:00More waitingWe're pregnant....but as usual that doesn't make us turn cartwheels. I wish it did. I so wish for a "normal" pregnancy where you feel good shouting it out from rooftops (FYI, we've just had 2 people we know announce at 10 weeks....so i'm feeling a little sensitive). But we can't.

Five eggs were retrieved...less than we wanted, but hey, it's something. Only two fertilized, so it was plan for a 3 day transfer. The transfer went well - one was 10 cell, one was 5 cell - so just about right. It was a funny transfer, with our Dr cracking jokes about me peeing on him (which I didn't...but i'd made my bladder "perfectly full" from the ultrasound, which started the giggles). So we couldn't have asked for more really (well, except some peoples 20 eggs and 15 fertilized with oodles to freeze...).

Our first HCG test came back at an awesome 308. Couldn't have asked for better - except maybe slightly lower, as that's well within "Twins" territory, which we are just terrified of the thought of. Because waiting is hard, we snuck in for another HCG test this Saturday - 3879 - also great (though down on the trajectory it was on).

And now its Tuesday, and i'm spotting red blood. Not like the bleeding i've had before (with our successful pregnancy) unfortunately...if I was having that I think i'd be feeling a bit more confident that baby was growing...but no, just red spotting, with a lack of pregnancy symptoms yesterday and today. It doesn't feel good. I hope i'm wrong. But I am yet again reminded of how much this part sucks.RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-29427640325389931252017-03-27T06:37:00.002-07:002017-03-27T06:37:28.111-07:00Broken RecordI feel a bit like a broken record....but we're here again, to try "just once more". Financial lines fell into place, thanks to a wonderful donation from family, so we've signed up and have just started our 5th round of IVF, this time a fully medicated, fully ouchy needles, cycle. Will this be our last one? I don't know, I think i'm giving up saying that, but reality is the family donation will only cover one cycle. But I do know this is our last year of trying. I turn 39 this summer, my body had a hard time keeping our little guy safe last time, and age is not going to make that any better. We've both made a pretty firm decision, that if the cards don't align this summer, we're a family of 3 for the long haul.

So...we're on week 3 of acupuncture (this time B is trying some out too - there have been some new studies out showing increased motility with acupuncture), and day 4 of injections. The cycle is identical so far to the one we ended up with our baby boy from. I'm starting to feel the effects already - bloating, painful mid section - it's amazing how quickly those effects begin.

Wish us luck....

RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-19050070711318453612016-09-02T12:13:00.004-07:002016-09-02T12:15:32.311-07:00The end of the story. Just hoping for a different result doesn't really change it, as we've learned the hard way this last few weeks. Yes, we were pregnant. Yes, we saw a baby on the ultrasound at 6.5weeks, heartbeat and all. Baby measured 3 days behind where they should be, so we went back the next week. Baby then measured 7 days behind where they should be. Our last ultrasound yesterday, officially at 9 weeks, and baby had no heartbeat.

We knew from reading up that that was the most likely outcome. I have a tilted uterus though, so there was this glimmer of hope that that was getting in the way and showing less growth than was real. Yesterday that all came crashing down, in many ways it was good to have a final answer, a resolution, rather than the uncertainty that we've had in the last month. The low hcg readings, the slightly smaller baby, then even smaller than it should have been. In all likelihood there were genetic issues - we're just shy of 40, so that isn't so unrealistic.

And now another wait. My body has yet to miscarry our deceased baby. If you're infertile a D&C is not a good idea (and who knows, maybe that 1 in a billion natural pregnancy might happen to us, so we don't want to affect those already low odds), so we wait. It could be days, it could be weeks, or it could even be months. It's hard to know our baby is still in there, still whole but not alive.

To say we're crushed would be an understatement. We have an amazing baby boy who we love and adore, but we're both mourning the loss of yet another (our 4th) child who we never got to meet. It is easier, having what we have now, but it's still so hard, we so wanted to give our little guy a brother or sister to run around after. Minus a financial windfall, that is all gone now, somehow we need to pick ourselves up and be as happy as we can as a family of 3. Both of us grew up with siblings, so this all seems so bittersweet that our little guy will never get to experience that.

So that is the end of our story. To add a level of reality to those considering this route, we've spent around $60,000 on fertility treatments to be where we are today. Those loans will be with us for sometime to come....roll on insurance coverage for fertility treatments, it is so cruel that they are not.

We wish you all the luck in the world in your infertility journey.RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-58116918501557868122016-08-09T07:21:00.000-07:002016-08-09T07:21:08.861-07:00Endlessly WaitingI had forgotten how much of this process is waiting. Waiting to start, waiting to see how the test results look, waiting to see if the pregnancy continues. It's pretty much all waiting, wondering, hoping, and, occasionally, panicking.

We're in another one of the significant waiting periods right now - we had a confirmation positive blood test based on HCG, and now we wait until we can go in for our viability ultrasound. Until then, there's a lot of speculation that can go on. How does R feel today? Pregnant? Not pregnant? What does another pee test reveal? Has it moved up the scale to indicate that the HCG is still increasing in her blood stream?

At the end of the day, of course, there's nothing we can really do to influence the outcome, nor even to really prepare ourselves for any bad news or disappointments - we're not in control of this biological process, and we will feel devastated if it ends, no matter whether we've guessed it before clinically proven or not.

Perhaps the best thing I could master would be an acceptance of the uncontrollable and the unknowable. I'm still working on that one, day by day.SBKhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-31788846990609202332016-07-25T17:26:00.001-07:002016-07-25T17:26:20.431-07:00Two Week Wait...

It's 4 days until we have the blood test....and as usual (well, as "usual" as IVF could ever be), I couldn't wait. Though this gives us hope, it also fills us with dread. Every single IVF we've been through, we've had a positive pregnancy test - this is round 4, and we have 1 child. Will it stick? Will I bleed? Will I miscarry? All these things go through my, and B's, heads....

The mini-IVF is definitely a lot less invasive than a full IVF cycle, though after two of them, we know we'd never have another mini - if we ever did this again (next summer at the earliest if this round doesn't work), we'd want to save up for a full round. We ended up with two follicles, two eggs, one fertilized and a 2 day transfer. The good news is that one embryo looked in far better shape than the one put back last time. There is of course no certainty, but at least that is a good sign. At this time in the last round, I was still getting a negative pee test as well, so that is also a good sign. But, as usual, i'm having a lot of pains and cramps....and of course now I have a whirling dervish of a toddler to run around after....so i'm hardly taking it easy like I did with his pregnancy. I am off work, which is good, less excuses to make up when going for appointments, which is definitely far less stress.

Lets see what Thursday holds, when we get the blood test....

RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-90517482928731572552016-07-10T10:54:00.000-07:002016-07-10T10:55:14.889-07:00Our last shot....We started another mini 10 days ago, and today we had our first monitoring. Unless some financial windfall comes out way, this will be our last shot, and even with a financial windfall, I turn 39 next year, so next summer will certainly be the end of our journey.

So much at stake, and today we heard that we have just 2 follicles, and one is already looking (over?) mature. To say i'm bummed and feeling somewhat hopeless would be to put it mildly - this round we had a higher dose of clomid, and we'd talked to our Dr. about taking drugs to delay ovulation and increase our chances of more eggs becoming mature - yet it seems like our first monitoring came too late to do that. It's not something they usually do at this clinic, but we were hopeful we'd have the chance to do that this round...yet no. They're hoping the second follicle will catch up overnight, so lets hope it does so we can have 2 mature eggs retrieved this time around, and lets hope I don't start to ovulate on my own, definitely a risk with a follicle so large.....

RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-67047673030257936012016-05-30T17:43:00.000-07:002016-05-30T17:43:12.232-07:00And an updateTo start with the result, we were pregnant, for a short, brief period, but are not anymore. I stopped Endometrin this morning, and now the long wait begins for my HCG to come back to 0.

Everything seemed to be going really well, we had 3-4 follicles, even 5 at one appointment, so we triggered, went into surgery and they only retrieved two eggs. Devastated doesn't really sum it up properly, we'd always got one more egg than follicles seen, so to get less than that was a shock. It all has to do with not being on an ovulation stopper, they have to guess when to trigger rather than wait for eggs to catch up in size, so you just don't get as many mature. The next morning it went from bad to worse when we learned we only had one fertilize, but it was doing okay so they were going to do a 2 day transfer - might as well use my body as the incubator. We went in for the transfer and learned that the embryo was dividing slowly, not a good sign. So many not good signs. But we went ahead and came out with a realistic view that it was pretty improbably. Did a pee test about a week later and it came up negative.

The three days before our HCG appointment I decided to do a pee test again...only this time it came up positive. And another. And another. B went out and got a test that shows how many weeks pregnant you are, and it said 1-2. Only issue is that I should have been 2-3. The HCG came back positive, but boarderline, so we went for another HCG test today, to learn that the HCG was decreasing, a sign we had miscarried or had a 'chemical' pregnancy. Quite the rollercoaster of emotions, luckily smoothed out some today by it being a holiday, so our little man was home with us and there to cuddle with and play with through our sorrow at this round not working.

Where to next? We're trying to decide. We have only one more round in us financially, and we don't really have a full IVF round unless we take out loans. Do we do another mini-IVF? Do we take out the loans and hedge our bets on getting more eggs? It's so hard. I so wish at least some of this was insurance covered, then we could make the best medical decision rather than a financial one...

In the back of my mind too is how long it took for my HCG to drop after the major miscarriage in the first round we did. Because of my new position, I only have this summer to do this in....if it takes months again, we're out of luck all together....please please don't take that long......

RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-76265387132385535882016-05-04T10:04:00.001-07:002016-05-04T10:04:39.815-07:00And we're off......The results came back just fine (my AMH had actually increased....didn't know that could happen!), and so we've begun a Mini-IVF cycle with Boston IVF. So far i'm on day 4 of clomid, and feeling great so far. The weirdest thing (besides not having a bruised belly from injections) is the lack of monitoring. I had an ultrasound on day 1 and now they're not seeing me until Saturday (day 8). It makes me nervous....I really want to know how many eggs are coming through, as of course, we need 2 to progress to retrieval, and we just have no idea what is going on in there right now.

In addition to the IVF I started having acupuncture again. I wish I could say it's better than last time, but boy, needles = no fun. It's not bad, and after they're in I do relax....but some of them really do hurt, particularly in my feet! I've had 2 sessions so far and now the plan is to see what our schedule looks like next week. In theory this time next week i'd be close to retrieval.....lets hope for that outcome!

Yet again B has managed to come to all the appointments with me. We weren't sure if that was possible given our schedule with a little one, but it's worked out so far so we hope it'll continue to do so. Having B there not only makes me feel a whole lot better about being prodded and poked, but I also feel like he's part of the process too, rather than just me. So much of IVF is about the woman (even with male factor), thats it hard sometimes not to feel like you're being picked on....having your man there every step of the way helps, or at least it helped me.

There is a huge difference in this cycle for us, and not just because it's a Mini rather than full IVF cycle. There is a weight lifted, it's more relaxed. Personally I put it down to having an amazing small person in our life now, it's not so desperate as before, not so dire if it goes wrong. We'll both be heartbroken if something goes wrong this time too, but I don't feel like it will be a blackhole like last time. We will still have a family, with a child, regardless of whether this works or not. There's a lot to be said for that.

RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-51041443841831541332016-02-04T07:45:00.002-08:002016-02-04T07:46:17.651-08:00Again?We've been thinking a lot about trying again (and of course trying the regular way, which has about a 1 in a million chance of happening....but hey, we figure someone out there wins the lottery, why not us?). We visited Dr Lannon at Boston IVF a few days ago and today just signed the paperwork to begin round 3 in May.

This time we'll try Mini-IVF, or Natural Cycle IVF as its sometimes called. Less drugs, less money, maybe less chance of success, it's hard to tell. We were "lucky", we did IVF twice and it worked twice. But in both those highly medicated (very high in the case of the second one) I never made that many eggs, and when it came to it, only two embryos survived to transfer. So the thought is to put all my energy into producing just two eggs, and hope that makes them "good eggs". Dr Lannon feels it's the first eggs produced that are the better ones anyway (no data, as it's impossible to track), so maybe it'll work. There have been a few papers out too that show that for women with low egg reserves, Mini-IVF can be a better choice. So we're going for it.

Testing should begin next week, to see if i'm still a candidate.......the rollercoaster begins. It's not without some trepidation, we have an amazing baby boy, shouldn't we be satisfied with that? We really are, and if that is where we end up, we'll always be happy and thankful for what we have. But we always wanted two children, so our little guy can grow up with a sibling, particularly where B and I are older. There's also concern over ending up with twins, something we go into this knowing could happen, but it's far from our ideal.

So it begins.....

RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-69611807947023629942015-12-25T16:10:00.003-08:002015-12-25T16:10:35.835-08:00Merry Christmas!
It's been an emotional day, not just because this is our first Christmas as a family of three, but because this is the 2 year anniversary of starting those IVF drugs for round one. The snowstorm, the no power trying to keep $6K of drugs cold, the sleeping by the fire, the injections in the dark....everything that followed.......much saddness, much happiness. I look at our little guy and still have a hard time believing sometimes he's here. I still think of our twins who aren't. He's so amazing. So happy, so smart, so healthy....he's crawling, almost walking, jabbering. How did we get so lucky? We're hoping you'll all get lucky too, our hearts are still with you this Christmas season.

RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-88881590869634146632015-03-18T16:03:00.001-07:002015-03-18T16:09:11.771-07:00He's here

Our little guy arrived on March 5th, weighing in at 6lbs 4oz and perfectly healthy. We'd ended up being induced on his due date, March 4th, for low amniotic fluid. After a 30hr+ labor he finally made his entrance into the world (no c-section required!), and into our hearts. It's hard to believe it has now been nearly 2 weeks since we became a family.

So this is the end of our story, at least for now. We're unsure if we'll do IVF again (if we do, we'll be back to update this page). We'd love to give D a little brother or sister, but with so many issues and heartache along the line, and so much uncertainty of outcome, we're just not sure if we'll ever be ready to start down the path again. For now, we're just going to enjoy every moment with this little man, our mini miracle of science.

To all those out there still trying through IVF, our hearts are with you.

RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-74256241185214797992015-02-23T13:39:00.003-08:002015-03-02T09:09:15.742-08:00Impatiently WaitingWell, here we are at 38+5, as they say in the pregnancy forums, meaning 38 weeks plus 5 days. Here we are, waiting. Impatiently. Sort of desperate, really, to meet our baby and hold our baby in our arms.

We ended up at the hospital last Sunday, because R was having fairly regular contractions, and we don't know what we're doing since she's never been pregnant before. Turns out that was just a test run, and since her cervix hadn't dilated at all, we were sent home. More waiting.

Today, we had an OB appointment. Her blood pressure was high (sort of - certainly high for her), and she mentioned that she had been seeing flashy stars recently, which we didn't think much of because they didn't seem that bad. Well, that got our OB talking about pre-eclampsia, so he scooted us off to Labor & Delivery to have the vitals checked. Baby turned out to have a heartbeat like a champ, and though R's blood pressure was once again high for her, the OB in L&D said it was fine and sent us home. Again. To wait.

The funny thing is, of course, that if you had told us around week 8 that we would make it all the way to 38+5 and have a healthy baby gestating in R's belly, we would have been ecstatic. I try to remind myself of that when I get impatient, or I get worried about whether the baby really will come out OK. R worries a lot, too, since she knows folks who lost babies after stillbirths past their due dates. I try to remind myself that the baby is doing great, and has demonstrated a certain flair for ignoring problems so far, but still, when all you have to do is wait... you worry.

So I work, and we watch movies, and we entertain ourselves by chasing baby's feet around R's belly. We even talk to the baby, trying to encourage an exit. Any time, there, baby. We're ready.SBKhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-43937494496994605052015-02-13T06:23:00.002-08:002015-02-13T06:23:39.785-08:00Full Term! Wow. Words we didn't think we'd hear, but today our little baby is full term, 37 weeks, kicking away and even catching up in size. We'd spend so much time being told baby would be early, and preparing for that, that we didn't even consider we'd be here one day. I guess all that bed rest and restricted activity really does work.......even if it just makes me sore and unable to walk properly! Our last ultrasound showed he's head down and catching up in size (50th percentile!), so no early extraction for this little one, it's wait for labor to begin!

We were still warned that we're at higher risk for an emergency C-section, so to be prepared for that. Because of all the hematoma issues, if his heart rate drops at all during labor (which they'd normally watch for a while and see if it went in cycles) they would opt for a fast c-section. Reading up, I guess it's a sign that the clot could be interfering with the placenta, so better to be safe than sorry.

So pleased and so happy to be here. So concerned and excited for what birth will bring us. Any day now little one, any day.

RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-47547863921304052392015-01-24T07:07:00.001-08:002015-01-24T07:07:47.383-08:0034 Weeks.....Baby has turned back around, head down! We're getting pretty excited now, baby is still measuring good, 43rd percentile, i'm starting to feel pretty weighed down with all the extra weight (but wouldn't put this anywhere on par with the discomfort of the first half of the pregnancy) and B and I are reading up and watching programs on birth. Soon little one, just three more weeks until "full term", hard to believe we've made it this far....:)

RGWhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-17542510317618157092014-12-23T08:22:00.005-08:002014-12-23T08:22:58.515-08:00Rainbow babiesA quote I read today. Hoping this baby will be our rainbow. Stay put for a little while longer little one, we'll be ready to meet you then.

"It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."

This is why a baby after a loss is called a rainbow baby!RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-23453799382581390882014-12-11T08:30:00.001-08:002015-01-24T08:05:30.091-08:0028 Weeks - on to the Third Trimester!Yesterday was an exciting day - 28 weeks, and we're officially on to the third trimester, no matter which way you track the trimesters. Our little baby is getting bigger all the time, and that means more discomfort for R, but we're both excited to be here!

I found myself thinking back the other day, all the way to last Christmas when we started our first round of injections. Then to May, when we started it all again. Now here we are, heading towards another Christmas, and a New Year with our baby. As much as I still worry, (and I definitely still worry - one morning without R reporting a swift kick is enough for that!) I'm really starting to get excited and look forward to the spring adventure. I am planning to attend a 'Daddy Boot Camp' in January, where I can meet some new dads and new babies, and learn a bit more about what goes into caring for the little ones. Since I never grew up with babies, this should be an interesting time!

Now it's time to start thinking about 'go' bags, and I'm going to put all of the major hospitals in Maine into quick-route links on my phone, because you just never know when our little baby will decide to make an appearance. And I can't wait!SBKhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-80331491072643019442014-11-24T16:54:00.003-08:002015-01-24T08:05:10.903-08:00'You're lucky it's not twins"It's something i've heard over the last few months, more than once.

As i've got large enough to show, people ask questions, they're so excited about a pregnancy, everyone loves a baby, and they say well meaning things. B and I decided we were going to be open about having IVF, so if it fits the conversation, we tell people. There is still a stigma around IVF for some folks, and we felt we wanted to be part of the solution, maybe one day we could even be the voice to talk to (that we never had) for another couple going through what we've gone through. Admittedly I think we're only this way because we're coming closer and closer to success, but we had so much support from the internet through blogs we knew we wanted to write one, and we had so little verbal support from those who had gone through what we were going through, we want to be there for friends who may need to just talk over a procedure, result or bad day.

"You're lucky it's not twins" is something that has often come out when people hear we're just expecting one. Usually followed by a story about a friend who did IVF who had twins and 'what a nightmare'. I smile, I know it's well meaning and I know people just don't know, but sometimes I wish I could just say that actually, we'd love to, and would do anything to be holding our twins right now. It would be great to be in the position to not even consider having IVF again, going through the pain and ups and downs again, but at the moment we haven't ruled it out, because both of us would have loved two children. If we go for it again, given our success rate, we'd probably chose again to put two embryos back in, as in our case the chances are higher that we'd end up with one baby - but there is a chance we'd end up with two and have three children total. Would we be thrilled, yes, is it our ideal, not really, for many reasons we feel two is a good number. We really would have loved twins the first time round.

It's amazing how much you learn through this process, learn the ups and the downs, what can be sensitive that no-one would ever have guessed. It's certainly up'ed my empathy and made me think more about what I say to pregnant women.

Another one that has gotten me a few times is "I know exactly how you feel", because in reality, you don't, everyone feels very differently, and unless you've gone through exactly the same procedure, loss or pain or whatever it is, you can't even really say "I know what you're going through" either without it stinging the other person. In reality it's discarding their pain, invalidating it, like it doesn't matter, because you had your own pain you dealt with, doesn't mean it's anything like another persons, no matter what the circumstances. I know i'll never say those words to anyone again, though we know they were meant in comfort, they really hurt to the core at the time.

RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-7386234624636849442014-11-16T12:19:00.001-08:002015-01-24T07:56:54.278-08:00Week 24

Well, it has been since August that I last updated, though B has been doing a great job of checking in now and then. We're at week 24, and as I sit here typing I can feel baby kicking away. It's certainly helped the worry to feel our baby moving around every day, even if a lot of babies kicks are way too low for comfort, and usually at 3am.

All in all things are going well. We've met with most of the OB's at the practice we're hoping to give birth at (one to go, who we'll meet in a few weeks), and though we like them all, we had one we really connected with a few weeks ago. He reminded us of our IVF Dr. Rather than being (a little too) empathetic with us, he was straight talking and was super informative. I don't know if it's just what we've been through, or the fact we're both scientists, but the sticky sweet empathy hasn't really been doing it for us.

At our last appointment (Week 22) we went loaded with questions. Getting closer and closer to viability has us thinking about the birth (and exciting turn for us to make), and our weekly scans had ended with the anatomy scan at week 20. We've been consistently told that because of the clot, we'll likely give birth early, and though there's still no good predictor of when that might be, the OB agreed and said the course of action from here on in is to do month growth scans, keep a close eye and just take it as it comes. Having been basically sedentary (or more than sedentary) for 5 months (or since January if you count pregnancy 1), I was also keen to move more and do some exercise - yoga, swimming - something to get my stamina back. He unfortunately shot that one down, and told me to hibernate until at least week 32, after that, they might be more willing to let me do what I want, as a birth after 32 weeks generally have better outcomes. So in his words, I am hibernating for the Maine winter. If we make it to week 32, we can give birth in Augusta too, which we would prefer, but before that and we'll be sent to Portland, where they have a higher level NICU.

So that's the update. My mind has wandered a few times to the what if's this month. With a different outcome we should have been welcoming our twins in October and had a full house for Christmas. I'm not a dweller, so I try to think forward to seeing this little one, currently kicking my bladder, in a few not-so-short months, and just hoping they stay put for at least another 8 weeks.

RGWhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-37959745270927869262014-10-07T15:53:00.001-07:002015-01-24T07:55:19.430-08:00The longest 40 weeks...Well, it's been over a month since we last updated the blog; I guess the best news is that we really haven't had anything especially noteworthy to share with the world! We've had another visit with another one of the OB staff at Maine General, and we go for our anatomy scan down in Portland on Monday. Our baby's heartbeat has been great whenever we've listened to it, and so it seems that everything is just humming along towards next March. The SCH (clot) had unfortunately not disappeared as first thought, our next scan showed it still to be there, and still at ~3cm. The good news was that it was completely inactive, which was a first, and there's so far been no more bleeding, a huge success really.

Except that it's not that easy, of course. R still has a lot of Round Ligament Pain (RLP) that has been her constant companion. Between that and the various other mysterious pains and pressures (hip pain, pressure 'down low', etc.), we haven't really been able to relax. I know my intention for this second round of IVF was to enjoy each day of success, but it turns out that's harder than you might think. I still get a little knot in my stomach every time R heads to the bathroom, wondering if this will be the time that she comes out and says she's bleeding again. When she hurts, I brace myself to hear her say something is really wrong.

We're both trying to stay positive and plan for success - we've been buying some baby gear as we find it on sale or see something that we think is particularly cute. We've told more of our friends that we're expecting, and R let everyone at work know too. In some ways that's helped me, I think, in that you get a lot of positive energy from folks who hear the news and don't have the emotional baggage that we do from the previous cycle and the early part of this one. In other ways, it's hard to let more people know because we can't help but think that it's one more person that we'll need to talk to if this pregnancy goes bad.

One thing's for sure - this is going to be the longest 40 weeks of my life. We're counting days and weeks, and we're not even halfway there yet. I always remember what one of R's friends said when we told her about the twin pregnancy - "The next 40 weeks will fly by!" As it turns out, reality couldn't be further from that statement. Still, we're happy to know that our little baby is still in there, kicking away at R's bladder and making her uncomfortable. We'll just wait and hope.SBKhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-23870048419900061222014-09-05T08:37:00.000-07:002015-01-24T07:53:30.561-08:00Chillaxin' BabyWe've been continuing our weekly ultrasounds at Maine General while R has been bleeding, and though there was a mixup on the appointment that we were supposed to have on Tuesday, we got in on Wednesday morning. There, we received some great news - there is no sign of the hematoma. R hasn't bled for almost a week now, so we were somewhat hopeful, but even the week before the ultrasound tech had immediately spotted the hematoma.

It was a great feeling to stare at the ultrasound image on the monitor and not have anything other than our perfect little baby to look at. Turns out, the baby was just chillaxin' in the uterus, wondering what all our stress and fuss is about.

SBKhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-65378433403522572532014-08-26T06:43:00.002-07:002015-01-24T07:52:11.134-08:00A Great DayIt seems like we don't get to say this very often, what with the worrying about the bleeding, wondering whether new pains are indicators of something bad, or just the pregnancy progressing, and R generally feeling pretty icky, but yesterday was a really great day.

We had another ultrasound up at Maine General, with a tech who was super efficient and very nice. Our little baby was rolling around a little bit during the scan, and everything looked just fine. The SCH was even a little bit smaller, so that was very encouraging.

Later in the day, R got the call from the Genetic Counselor down in Portland - all of the tests came back negative, so we can finally exhale a little bit. And, to top it all off, the gender came back opposite of what we both had assumed! Neither one of us knew why, but we had solid feelings that we knew the gender, and when we revealed our intuition to each other, we even agreed. So we had decided it was a foregone conclusion; so much so that I hadn't even bothered looking at names for the opposite gender! I guess this is just another indicator that my ESP powers aren't all I think they're cracked up to be.

There's still plenty to worry about, of course, and I doubt we'll stop worrying until we are holding our baby in our arms, but I'm allowing myself to be more hopeful. Tomorrow we'll be at 13 weeks, and if the SCH keeps getting smaller, hopefully we can try to relax and enjoy some of the pregnancy. I keep reminding myself to take it a day at a time, and yesterday was a really great day!SBKhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-5251500823764526258.post-38886372966251769022014-08-10T06:10:00.001-07:002015-01-24T07:51:16.833-08:00Graduating...This week we graduated, from the IVF clinic to an OB's office in Augusta! It's been a whirlwind few weeks, and to reach this point feels like such an accomplishment. It's weird to say that, because of course we have so much longer left to go, but we've literally been taking it day by day, not wanting to think too far ahead, too scared to do so.

We had our final appointment with Dr Lannon at Boston IVF this wednesday. Baby still doing great, growing as it needs to, strong heartbeat. Unfortunately the bleed is also still there, still same size, but at least is 'organizing'. I'm still bleeding, pretty much just brown and black (after two large red bleeds), but it comes and goes - somedays it's spotting, somedays it's a lot more, somedays it has nasty clots in it that make me hold my breath just a little, until I realise they're just clots, and not parts of the baby. We'll miss our Dr. Lannon, he's been really awesome, reassuring, and most of all has helped us keep our sense of humor going. We really couldn't have asked for a better RE.

On friday we went to Maine General and met with a nurse in the OB office for our intake. Of course after a few days of just spotting, i'd had a heavy bleed the night before (still brown), but that turned out to not be a bad thing - they bumped up our first Dr's appointment to next tuesday rather then in two weeks! We loved the nurse (Jessie), so friendly, bubbly, and for the most part really understood what we'd gone through to get there. There were a few funny moments - asking us whether we wanted a circumcision if it was a boy; asking us about breastfeeding; training classes - all things you'd usually start to think of, but when you're barely able to think beyond tomorrow, we had trouble answering those things. We did confirm that we're candidates to get the Harmony (or MaterniT) blood test - still new in the US, so not everywhere does them, and not for everyone. Being over 35 and having Downs in the family, this is our next hurdle. It was actually quite a pleasant moment to realise I was beginning to worry about that - to worry about something way beyond an early miscarriage feels like a step in the right direction.

So next Tuesday we have our OB Dr's appointment - get to meet one of the team of Dr's we'll hopefully meet over the next 6 months. Get the tests scheduled, maybe done, and get on what will be our regular schedule. In many ways we're pretty nervous not having a weekly ultrasound anymore, but I have to keep reminding myself, that a heartbeat at 10weeks gives us the same miscarriage risk as getting past 12 weeks. The bleed complicates things, and I still have to take it easy, but I really hope that resolves soon, and I hope Maine General will be willing to scan us at least occasionally to keep an eye on that.

RGWhttp://email@example.com


text:
Charges in the death of a 53-year-old man who died at a Murrieta rehab house have been dropped against three corporate entities, while plea agreements have been reached against two defendants.
According to Riverside County Superior Court minutes, charges were dismissed late last month against A Better Tomorrow Treatment Center, Forterus Inc., and Forterus Health Care Services.
Former Company President James Andrew Fent and Former Chief Executive Jerrod Menz, the two remaining defendants, accepted plea agreements with the California Attorney General's office, according to court records.
Fent pleaded no contest for failing to immediately notify the coroner that a death had occurred and was ordered to complete a 12-hour course on law and ethics as well as a course on professional accountability and behavior. The courses are part of a deferred entry of judgment program. If he completes the courses and doesn't commit any additional crimes by April 21, 2017, the charge will be dropped, according to court documents.
Menz pleaded no contest to possessing a controlled substance and no contest to false advertising. He was ordered to complete a drug diversion program. If he completes the course, the charge will be dismissed.
However, the false advertising conviction will remain. Fenz was also given 18-months probation, according to court documents.
Fent, Menz, several of their coworkers and the three corporate entities were charged in July 2015 with dependent adult abuse and murder in the death of 53-year-old Gary Benefield.
The murder charge was later dropped by Superior Court Judge Elaine M. Kiefer, leaving only the dependent adult abuse charge.
Benefield suffered from chronic obstructive lung disease, took prescription narcotics and was supposed to use supplemental oxygen 24 hours a day. He died less than a day after he arrived at A Better Tomorrow Treatment Center in Murrieta.
Benefield's death was one of four at the A Better Tomorrow Treatment Center location on Irongate Way between 2008 and 2010. It has since shut down.
Contact the writer: 951-368-9693 or firstname.lastname@example.com

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Best Muscle Building Drink: My MUSCLE BUILDING Diet – Drink This EVERYDAY!. Personal RECOMMENDED NUTRITION GUIDE: ▻▻▻ http://musclebuildingnutritionbook.blogspot.com/ ▻▻▻ BEST MUSCLE/FITNESS PROGRAM I know of: ▻▻▻ http://maximizemusc…
I recommend blending in general, but for fast and efficient nutrient absorption, juicing is better.
Wtf. You know the juicer takes most of the fibre out of the food…….
Of course! As much vegetables as you want
just make sure you have ur fruits and veggies everyday, or atleast as much as you can, that's it


text:
Wayne Richmon: Manager, CFO and part-time Extrovert
Before opening Roast Rider, Wayne spent six years exploring wine and specialty coffee on the Oregon coast, and in Boston, New York and California. In 2012, he felt it was time to break out of his role counseling entrepreneurs on their finances, and got down to writing a business plan of his own.
Roast Rider is what happens when a successful CFO suffers an acute bout of reinvention psychosis.
At RR, Wayne had every intention of being the hand-drip guy. But after two days at the 2013 Specialty Coffee Association of America event, he was converted to 'Trifecta dude.' He liked that the Trifecta outperforms a French press in its ability to offer a full expression of the beans.
Before online hook ups and cell phones, Wayne fell for a "friend of a friend" he met on a long-distance phone date. After a month of marathon long-distance conversations, he asked her to fly to Virginia Beach from Florida, so he could see the girl he planned to marry.
Lisa Richmon: Chief Charisma Officer and part-time Barista Wrangler
Averages zero cups of coffee a year, but has an eye for baristas. She can spot who has it, who wants it, and who is gonna bring it.
Moved from Boca Raton, Florida to Virginia Beach to live with a young CPA she met on a blind phone date. He didn't offer to pay for her ticket, but did pay her back with interest when she agreed to move into his Virginia Beach townhouse a month later. (Lisa's father was a CPA so she knew what she was getting into.)


text:
Museums in Princeton NJ
Visit the hallowed halls of Princeton University, the state's Ivy League home to scientists, scholars and scribes. Take a walking tour of the charming campus, dating from 1754.
Don't miss the Gothic Princeton University Chapel and the Princeton University Art Museum, especially the Chinese and classical art collections.
Change Your Selection
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Free Admission
Delaware River Region
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City: Princeton
55 Stockton St. Princeton, NJ 08540
This National Historic Landmark is located in the heart of Princeton and is dedicated to sharing the history of New Jersey and exhibiting fine, folk and decorative arts from native collections and...
City: Princeton
Elm Dr. Princeton, NJ 08544
The Princeton University Art Museum is one of the nation's leading art museums with collections of some 92,000 works of art ranging from ancient to contemporary, concentrating geographically on the...
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text:
Discussion in 'Current Events' started by wkmac, Oct 20, 2012.
Anonymous Message - Police State - YouTube
beware the end of american civil liberties and the beginning of a vicious corporate police state with one more terror attack.
might as well slit my wrists.
law breaker
Separate names with a comma.


text:
A GOP source confirms that the debt reduction plan Republicans will unveil this afternoon includes a requirement that both Houses of Congress vote on a balanced-budget amendment sometime in the next few months. This would give Republicans additional time to secure the Democratic votes they'll need to pass a BBA — which requires a two-thirds majority in each chamber — and allow for some negotiating with Democrats over the specific provisions of the amendment.
GOP Debt Plan to Require BBA Vote
The Corner
The one and only.


text:
That's exactly what happened to one girl who reached out to Miley and was lucky enough to exchange phone numbers with the star and get a job out of it too.
The girl reportedly had some awesome social media ideas for Miley and she liked them so much she decided to fly her out to live with her mother Tish in Los Angeles for the summer.
The 20-year-old explained to MTV, "Yeah, she is actually flying out here and staying with my mom this summer, she is going to work for me for the summer."
It seems Cyrus could be hiring her because she keeps her up to date on like everything!
"Because, let me tell you, I never know... I don't know if this is how it works for you, but no-one ever tells me anything, I'm the last to know everything...I didn't know about a schedule today, I didn't know what time I was going to be here, I didn't even know I was going to sit on this couch and talk to you, I thought we were going to just do everything outside," Miley said.
The fan is using her obsessive knowledge and connections to her network of fellow Miley fans to help Miley and her career.
"She's so obsessed, she knows things about how to break VEVO records, which we did with her help...She just knows...I don't know anything, I don't YouTube or whatever, so she knows what has to be done in what amount of time to be number one or to break the record. She just knows everything," Miley continued.
Would you want to be Miley's personal assistant? Do you think it's cool Miley hired her fan?
Want More? Like us on Facebook
Gallery | Miley Cyrus' Red Carpet Style Evolution!


text:
Hi everyone,
I've just built and started my first square foot garden. Here it is:
I live in zone 7a, Virginia.
My game plan is to plant onions, arugula, rosemary and lettuce now (that's already done). I've left room for strawberry plants in mid-April and then tomatoes and hot peppers will go in in May. Does that sound workable?
I'm a bit unsure about the rosemary. I've heard it grows very large. Will it be possible to contain it (mostly) to 1foot across with a lot of pruning?
What about strawberries planted right in the raised bed? Will they need a support of some kind?
Hope you all have some good advice. I am new to gardening.


text:
- Acer Chromebook R11 Review : half-laptop, half-tabletIl y a 2 years
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