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Listening: A Sacred Practice
Rev. Amy Russell
April 6, 2014
My first husband and I had only been members of a Unitarian Universalist church for about two years when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We had been peripherally involved, so we had a few friends but were just getting to know people. But when my husband, Scott, stood up in the Joys and Concerns during the Sunday service and told people about his diagnosis, he told his news with tears in his eyes. After the service, he was surrounded with people hugging him, patting him, and asking what they could do to help. He was overwhelmed by the response. And after that, he would get up every so often and tell about what was happening with his treatment. This outlet to tell his story was very important to him. He was a man of few words and didn't talk about his ordeal very readily, never really complained. But speaking his pain and being heard at a UU church was a part of his treatment, a part of the healing that he needed.
Part of the ritual of Joys and Concerns in that church included the minister saying some words that I don't remember exactly but which included this phrase, "When we are heard, we are healed."
This is similar to the words we used today as our chalice lighting from ee cummings:
*"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that something deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch."
There is something about being deeply listened to, about really being heard by another caring human being that touches us deeply and allows us to heal our pain. In the Gospel of Saint Thomas, Jesus says, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you." Being heard has deep life affirming power in our lives.
This deep listening doesn't happen to us very often. We are often in conversation, we are often listening to others. But so often, we are half hearing what the other is saying, we are hearing with our minds on other things or we are preparing our response to what the other person is saying, or we are forming our own judgment about what is being said. This is not because we are bad people, this is just how our minds work. Our minds are often multi-tasking because that is what our fast moving, response driven society often expects from us.
When we are in a meeting in a business environment, we know that we will be called upon at some point to respond to what is being said, to give our opinion about what is being proposed, so we are constantly preparing ourselves to respond with our judgment about what was said. That is what is expected of us.
When our kids are talking, we are often picking out what we think we need to correct as parents, what information might be telling us that our child is in trouble or isn't doing what is expected of him, so we are listening and responding in our roles as parents, providing safety and guidance to our children. Or we are half-listening as we are doing the myriad of other chores that we have to get done in order to get through the day. Doing the laundry, fixing meals, getting the bills paid. All those tasks that need to be done and we think can be done while we're half listening to our kids tell about their day.
Or when our partners are telling us about their day, we are also doing chores. And as we listen, we might be really listening but creeping into our minds comes that list of things that we need to communicate to him/her. We are trying to listen, but at the same time, we're trying not to forget what it was that we have been thinking about all day that needed to get communicated. Like "Did you pick up the shirts at the cleaners?" Or "Don't we need to take the car in to get looked at?"
Just the mechanics of life interferes with our being truly good listeners.
If we were going to take the time to be truly good listeners, we could learn to listen with love and care to the people we care for. Listening with attention, with loving care can create a feeling of "wholeness" for another person.
When we are listening with this deep kind of listening, we first need to get ourselves out of the way. We have active minds that are constantly presenting distractions for us, similar to when we are trying to meditate and remove stray thoughts. We can use a similar practice for getting those distracting thoughts wiped away so that we can listen deeply to another. We can name the thoughts that come into our mind as what they are- distractions, or judgments, or personal reactions to what is being said and we can put these thoughts aside. Our personal history with the person speaking often gets in the way of truly hearing what is being said. We are thinking of previous interactions we've had or preconceived judgments about the person that prevent us from hearing what the person is really saying.
It's like whatever is being said has to pass through a screen to get through to us. This screen filters what is being said with an overlay of past experiences. It's not really possible to remove this screen because this screen is our experience, it is our learned point of view. But sometimes it's possible to be aware of this screen and what it may be preventing us from hearing. Like when we are in our parental role and our screen might be filtering whatever sounds like danger or trouble for our children.
I can remember my daughter trying to tell me something about a new relationship that she was in. And my reaction had something to do with the possibility of her getting hurt instead of truly hearing what an amazing time she was having in this adventure of life. I was listening with my "mom" ears, not being to be present to her in a more human way.
Another skill in listening is confirming what we've heard. Now there is certainly a difference between a therapeutic relationship when the skilled listener uses confirming statements to reflect back what was said and a personal relationship when you are simply trying to let the other person know that you heard them. We probably don't all want to go around saying, "What I heard you say was…" because we don't want to act like amateur therapists. But it's helpful to let the other person know that you understood them by repeating something of what you heard or by affirming the feelings that you heard. When we do this, the person speaking feels validated. They feel that you are truly attending to what they are saying. When your affirming statements contain no judgment, just a warm acceptance that you are understanding the other's person's feelings, that helps create trust in the relationship. This feeling of trust will allow the other person to open up further what they are communicating.
Noticing physical cues when listening also helps us to pick up the tone of what the other person is saying. When people are withholding or are unsure about whether to trust someone they may have a physical stance that shows their reluctance to open up. Crossing the arms over the chest can sometimes cue that the person is feeling protective of themselves or is not ready to be vulnerable.
We can be cognizant of our own body language in presenting to others an open, ready to listen kind of stance. Keeping our arms at our sides presents an openness to what is being said. Maintaining eye contact at least most of the time during a conversation gives the other person an idea that we are honest and sincere in our communication with them. Keeping our heads level and horizontal gives the appearance of being confident and self-assured. And sometimes tilting the head slighting to one side is a receptive posture that indicates a readiness to listen.
Many religions see listening as truly a sacred practice. Quakers call this "devout listening" and practice during their worship services. They are sitting in silence listening to the spirit. When the spirit moves them, they share what they heard. So each person listens to what is said as though it was the "spirit" speaking. This teaches them great respect for what is spoken by others.
The Buddhist practice of mindfulness also teaches listening as a sacred practice. Since in mindfulness, we are paying deep attention to whatever we are doing at that moment, when we are listening, we learn to listen with our whole attention.
*The term "beginner's ear" or "beginner's mind" is used by several authors describing how one would listen in mindful awareness. This attitude means that you take the attitude of "not knowing" or of having an open mind to what is being said, removing judgments and preconceived ideas from your mind. When we listen with open hearts and minds, we are removing as much of that filter screen from our minds as possible.
Perhaps you can think of a time in your life when someone listened. When you were having a very difficult time and someone saw your need to be heard. For me, there was a time in college when I was feeling depressed. I had broken up with my boyfriend. I had started hating the major I had chosen. And I didn't feel close to my family at that time. I felt very alone. My roommate had a boyfriend and was gone every weekend.
I remember I was sitting on the steps of the dorm feeling lost and alone and very sorry for myself. A girl who was in one of my classes whom I had met at various dorm functions came up the stairs. She said hi and then she seemed to see my face. She sat down. Without making a big deal, she just sat there with me for a while. And pretty soon, without much prompting, I started telling her all about how I was feeling. She just listened. I remember that she didn't start telling me all about her problems like so many people will do when you open up to them. She didn't tell me that I shouldn't worry, that it would get better. She just listened and nodded and asked me some gentle questions. Then after I had talked it all out, she suggested we go get pizza. And that sounded like a wonderful idea. We went and got pizza and we got to be very good friends. Just listening was all I needed.
Listening to others with your entire attention and with your heart is a sacred practice of compassion. You are focusing your being on that person, letting them know that they are important and valued. This person could be an adult or a child, a friend or a stranger. You could be in a line at the grocery store, or with your child putting them to bed. Listening with intention isn't just for a time when a person is having a bad time, it's worth practicing all the time. Certainly, we can't always be focused 100% on what other people are telling us- we have to get the dinner cooked and the laundry done. But if we each were able to just spend part of our day listening to another person, that would mean that listening would become part of who we were. If we became aware of intentional listening to others, just think of how that could change the dynamics we have in our relationships. Who knows- maybe if we started listening better to others, perhaps they would in turn become better listeners to us.
I want to end with a prayer by Margaret Truxaw*:
May we all be free from suffering and the root of suffering.
May our practice of listening release the illusion of separation.
May it heal the listener, heal the one who is heard, and bring healing forth in an ever-expanding circle that knows no boundaries.
May the words here manifest this sacred intention.
*Excerpted from The Wisdom of Listening, edited by Mark Brady


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A couple of weeks ago I decided to pop by the Serpentine Gallery to explore their summer Pavilion exhibition, where four architects have created structures to reference Queen Caroline's Temple in Kensington Gardens. I was particularly drawn to the structure above, designed by London based architect Asif Khan, as I love its minimalistic structure and simplicity.
It also happened to make a perfect photo opportunity both blog wise and with my new 35mm. As I was eager to get some shots of the structure on film, to see how the impact transitioned on 35mm. So watch this space as I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity to get my film rolls developed...I currently have four on the go.
The exhibition is on show till 9th October and if you fancy one of them, then you can buy it. Yep really!? These pavilions are for sale and can happily take pride of place in your garden!
Photos by @ima.mermaid

subset: commoncrawl


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A confession (that is always a juicy way to start a post, eh?):
I gave up on my garden. So sad! It just kept getting browner and browner despite anything I did...and aside from a teenie-tiny mini zucchini and watermelon that started to grow and then quickly withered away, no fruit or vegetable ever developed...and I should have been able to harvest everything by now. Everything started out so green and flowery and then just tanked. Plus critters just kept eating all the blooms. So did it get too hot (The garden is west facing)? Not enough fertilizer? And of course, the critters are partially to blame. I dunno. When we get back from our trip, I'm gonna rip everything out and try to transplant some peppers and chiles and forgo planting from seed in the middle of summer. I'm also going to contact the local community garden experts to see what they recommend.
Also, there have not been additional sightings of that snake. Phew! I do have flashbacks every time I go into the garage, though, and have visions of snakes coming out of unexpected places to terrorize me--something a la Snakes on a Plane (yes we saw that movie and it was awesome. FYI Tim Riggins is in it and is just as Tim Riggins-y as ever although he has a somewhat naughty role).
Which makes me want to digress to Friday Night Lights. We have Season Four episodes accumulating on our DVR and cannot wait to watch them. Plus, every time I see a Super 8 commercial I just want to freeze it on Coach Taylor and hear him say, "Clear Eyes Full Hearts Can't Loose" and then see him have the perfect marriage with Mrs. Coach. If I could live in a TV show, I would live in Friday Night Lights and wear the coolest aviator sunglasses and look effortlessly beautiful and not care that life revolved around football.
Back to my post--which, if you haven't gathered, is about nothing. So maybe I should continue talking about FNL? Eh, maybe next time.
Yesterday, when the baby was sleeping and Brandon was away at work, I snuck a few bites of ice cream. In the middle of the day! With a fork! Don't tell. My waistline will, if that keeps up. But it was a Sunday and I was all alone, a little bored, and hungry. That makes it OK, right?
I fed Russell green beans again and he ate them up. I guess he is broadening his horizons which is more than I can say because I still pick at my veggies.
Here are two videos I wanted to share. The first needs no explaining, although I did kind of feel like a mean mom for filming this. Does that make me meaner for showing ya'll?
This next one demonstrates Russell's superior crawling skills. He crawled over from the other side of the couches...the whole way with that little ball. I've noticed him crawling with a toy cradled in his arms several times now and I find it pretty cute.
Oh, here's another confession that is Internet appropriate--that ball is a freebie from the VA hospital. It says, "It takes the courage and strength of a warrior to ask for help" and it shows the silhouette of a soldier with their head in their hands against the back drop of an American flag. Yes, our son's current favorite toy is suicide prevention schwag. But he loves it and Brandon interprets it to mean that Russell will one day become a skilled athlete. I smile and nod...wait, who am I kidding...I always (and quickly) remind him that all babies love playing with balls, especially ones that are so shiny, smooth, and squishy (ie perfect for licking and trying to suck). That's me, the dream-dasher. At least I use a nice tone of voice...
1 year ago


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National Center for Construction Education & Research
ALACHUA, Fla. — For the sixth consecutive year, NCCER is sponsoring the SkillsUSA Carpentry Competition at the SkillsUSA National Leadership and Skills Conference held June 22-26 in Louisville, Kentucky. In addition, NCCER is sponsoring the SkillsUSA Masonry Competition for the third consecutive year. More than 15,000 people, including students, teachers and business partners are expected to participate in the week-long event.
The competitions are part of the national-level SkillsUSA Championships for public high school and college students enrolled in career and technical education programs. All SkillsUSA Championship contestants are state-level gold medalists.
Planned by technical committees made up of industry representatives, the competitions test the skills needed for successful entry‑level performance in various career fields. Safety practices and procedures are also judged as a component of each contestant's overall score.
As the sponsor of the carpentry and masonry competitions, NCCER creates the competition guidelines, gathers contributions for contest supplies and brings together industry members to serve as judges and technical committee members. This year's platinum sponsors for the carpentry competition are The Haskell Company, Associated Builders and Contractors, Build Your Future, Fluor, National Association of Women in Construction Education Foundation and TIC – The Industrial Company.
NCCER would like to thank carpentry committee chair Boyd Worsham of The Haskell Company and masonry committee chair Bryan Light of The Brick Industry for leading the way in organizing this year's events. Through events like these, NCCER and its Build Your Future initiative provide valuable opportunities for construction industry employers to connect with future craft professionals.


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ifishplayer is an tool that makes web shopping easier. At the same time software interface may not be well-done for everyone and, like other extensions, it will irritate user using great number of pop-under elements. If operator got the current extension unintentionally or user regrets that getting the tool, at this site each user will discover rather helpful data concerning cleaning out ifishplayer. Also you can get the program that helps to remove ifishplayer out of users PC completely and rapidly.
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Former English Soccer Player and Sports Performance Coach Talk Performance and Injuries
Injury prevention in soccer is a much discussed subject and picking up steam every year. With the number of athletes participating in sport and the amount of dollars floating around the pro athletes, the concept of sports performance and injury prevention have a natural connection. The ultimate goal is to eliminate injuries and keep the players playing. This is a very complex problem to solve. But as you will hear 80% of the problem comes from things that each athlete can control on their own. The amazing part of the discussion is that even the athletes who are making millions to play the game they love are not doing the basics.
Today Andy Barr, former English soccer player and sports performance coach for numerous pro teams in England, joined us to talk about these concepts and how they directly apply to game of soccer.
You will be surprised to find out that the basics: sleep, hydration, and proper nutrition are the starting point to elite level recovery and injury prevention. Not some hyper scientific training program or diet.
For the complete interview, tune in the show or check out the special report, Sports Performance in Soccer.
To connect with Andy Barr directly send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.com or twitter.


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Over 40 QLD businesses have placed their trust in us to deliver cost effective, tailored IT services for them. Even with a 98% customer retention rate we're still not satisfied.
Whether it's hardware, data back-up and security, cloud solutions or advice on meeting the growing needs of your business – we're here to help.
At UnderCtrl we specialise in managing your company's IT needs. We get to know your business so we can build the best customised solution for you. We don't do 'Band-Aid' fixes, we don't baffle you with bull, we speak in terms you will understand so that you have confidence in our solutions.
How did we get here?
UnderCtrl was founded by Josh Stedman. In a previous life he worked for large corporations but always had a lot of people ask for his advice for their personal business. UnderCtrl was born from his passion to help small businesses build better IT systems and offer solutions that ensured they didn't spend more than they needed to on hardware and software.
The one thing that makes us so special
Simple; our passion. We not only love working in IT we spend our down time playing with electronics and programming – just because we enjoy technology and making it simple to interact with. Yeah, we are a bit nerdy, but we genuinely want to help with your IT needs, for us, it's fun!
Josh's Thoughts: A Passion to Build Great Business Systems
"Besides family, my business is my passion. As a service provider I want to work with , not for you. We spend the extra time learning about your business and understanding what you need from your IT system to make it work efficiently, this also makes us quicker at resolving issues when they arise."
Organise a Free IT Consultation
If you are looking for IT Services, Brisbane based UnderCtrl offers a free consultation to discuss how our services can help your business.


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Thursday, May 1, 2014
Hello Everybody
4 comments:
- sweetvintageofmine said...
Evening Denise, I wish you well on your new exercise routine...it sounds as if you are making it as fun as possible. You have a beautiful singing voice....I can hear and picture you singing at a church...you would be such a blessing! Use your talent, girl!! I know a man who sings in grocery stores, restaurants etc. and gets his testimony out how God healed him of Cancer! You need to sing...sing anywhere!! Keep us posted and YOU Be Happy too! Love you~~~Roxie
- Thursday, May 01, 2014
- Joy said...
Nice seeing you and hearing your voice. Lovely. Keep singing and dancing:)
- Friday, May 02, 2014
- Joyful said...
I agree Denise. You have such a lovely singing voice! Big hugs. xx
- Friday, May 02, 2014
- LeAnn said...
I loved your very cute video. You are such a sweet one. I like that you are going to do that singing and dancing. You just keep singing and doing your plan as you can. I am following you!
Blessings, prayers and hugs for you!
- Saturday, May 03, 2014


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Find a Provider
Mayo Clinic Health System provides you access to Mayo Clinic care. We have more than 1,000 providers to serve more than half a million patients a year... all close to home.
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- Diplomate in Internal Medicine, Hospice, Palliative Care, Hematology and Medical Oncology
Special Interests
- Gastrointestinal cancers
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To learn about adopting a child with a cleft lip/palate and the support that is available to parents listen to this recently recorded radio discussion. Panel participants are: Dr. Thomas Samson (MD, FAAP Pediatric Plastic Surgeon Penn State Hershey Medical Center Division of Plastic Surgery), Dr. Andrea Smith (DDS Prosthodontics and Maxillofacial Prosthetics), Maureen Rostolsky (Speech Language Pathologist) and Abigail Ellis (Feeding Specialist).
To hear the program CLICK HERE.


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Your rack is empty!
Free Priority Shipping On U.S. Orders $75+
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Find an airy balance with this lightweight charcoal sweater featuring a scoop neckline and relaxed fit. As a sheer sweater, this looks amazing when layered over a cute bralette or tank top!
• 39.5" bust
• 26.25" length
• Measurements taken from a size small
• Model is wearing size small
• Model is 5'8" and measures 32-24-35


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DaviesBaird Pty Ltd is subsidiary of Castcorp Pty Ltd, a wholly Australian owned company. Terms and Conditions of Sale apply to any order accepted by DaviesBaird. To view a copy of these terms and conditions please click here. Alternatively a copy can be provided upon request.
There are some key points from the Terms and Conditions of Sale that should be noted and some additional terms and conditions specific to orders accepted by DaviesBaird.
The sand casting process involves pouring molten metal into a sand mould to form a complex shape when solidified. Inherent in this process are discontinuities in the final metal matrix due to the pouring and solidification of the metal. These can be rectified to an acceptable level by using casting methods and welding of surface discontinuities. The acceptable levels of delivery of castings are specified by International and National Standards. DaviesBaird manufactures castings to conform to these Standards, including AS 4738.1 Metal Castings – Ferrous Sand Moulded, and ISO 4990 Steel Castings – General Technical Delivery Requirements. Buyers should consult these Standards.
DaviesBaird are more than a steel foundry. We are able to offer a number of services, utilising the metallurgical and engineering resources we have available. Read More>>
DaviesBaird is a foundry and engineering company, supplying castings, testing, machining, and assembly that always meets or exceeds customer's requirements. Read More>>
For more information on how to contact our staff or for fax, phone, email and address details Click Here >>


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This isn't going to be a beast of a post or anything, but I had a thought on the walk to work this morning. I was about to cross the street in my neighborhood, and I checked to see if a car was coming. Lo and behold, a car was trundling down the way from a leftward direction. The beauty of tiny English roads? After it passed, I didn't have to check for a car from the other direction, because two lanes in a residential is basically impossible when people have parked up and down the street.
Profound? No. But hey, it got me writing on here, and that is the goal! Stay tuned for way more interesting things, I promise. Just trying to go for quantity, since when I mainly go for quality, posting practically becomes a semi-annual habit.


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Information Sessions
- Date:
- Sunday, July 7, 2019 from 13:00
- Venue:
- TUJ Azabu Hall (Access)
- Language:
- English / Japanese
Please choose your language preference when you submit the online reservation form.
- Online Reservation Form
Come and learn about the many unique benefits of studying at Temple University, Japan Campus (TUJ), including the opportunity to expand your horizons by pursuing a college education in English, study in an international environment among students from around 60 countries, and achieve your dreams by acquiring an American undergraduate degree in Japan.
We offer information sessions in Japanese and English. Our expert admissions counselors will also be present to answer your questions, provide individual counseling, and show you around the campus. (You may also make a personal appointment with one of our admissions counselors at a mutually convenient time.)
Information Session Agenda
- Learn about Temple University as well as the programs and many benefits of studying in the Undergraduate Program at Temple University, Japan Campus
- Explanation about admission requirements and scholarships
- Sample Undergraduate Class from a University professor
- Testimonials from international and Japanese students studying at TUJ
- Campus Tour
- Individual Counseling
- Refreshments
Note: The agenda may change from time to time without notice.
Making a Reservation for Our Information Session
Reserve your seat at our upcoming Information Session today by making a reservation online or contacting us via e-mail or phone below.
Contact Information
Temple University, Japan Campus
Information Center
Azabu Hall 1F
2-8-12 Minami Azabu, Minato-ku, Tokyo 106-0047, Japan (Access)
- E-mail:
- firstname.lastname@example.com
- Tel:
- +81-3-5441-9800
- Toll Free:
- 0120-86-1026 (domestic only)
- Fax:
- +81-3-5443-4823