text: The F word #WTF!?#engagement#identity Updated Oct 12 2015 (Posted Apr 4 2011) Megan Finley Horowitz meggyfin Photo by docksidepress, used by CC license. I'm putting this out there because I believe I can't be the ONLY ONE to have felt this way. Okay, here's the deal: I hate the word "fiance." My partner Aaron and I were engaged for a year and we never got used to saying it. It just felt funny on my tongue and weird coming out of my mouth. Another one of those "this feels too fancy for me" things. (I swear, I must have some sort of insane anti-"fancy shit" complex. Is there a name for that? Okay, I'm getting off topic, rein it in Megs.) It got to the point where I started to dread when I would have to introduce Aaron to someone new. There was always that moment where I thought that I'd be okay saying "my fiance" — I'd just grin and bear it, no big deal, people do it all the time, what the fuck was wrong with me — but when it came to that moment I'd just freeze. Then this kind of thing would happen all the time… John: Hey Megs, have you met Wendy? Me: No, I haven't. Hi Wendy, it's nice to meet you. Wendy: Hi Megan, nice to meet you too. Me: Wendy, this is my… (pause for inner conflict) …boyfriend, Aaron. John: Wow, you're still fighting that word, aren't you? Me: Yup. I just couldn't bring myself to use the "F word." And it caused some confusion too, like, there were whisperings about whether or not we were still planning on getting married because Aaron and I just flat out refused to switch from saying boyfriend and girlfriend to saying fiance. Aaron was the same way. From the moment we were engaged we talked about not wanting to use the word "fiance," but what are we to do!? There's no other term for it that didn't give us the wiggens; betrothed, intended, future spouse? Nope. Uh-uh. Too formal. But the fact remains that he's more than a "boyfriend" but he's not a "husband" yet. To anyone who is freely and happily using that term — good on ya mate for that! I think people should be happy to, both, be and have a fiance. For the longest time I couldn't wait to be affianced. But once I was, I just couldn't bring myself to ACTUALLY use the word. I'm telling ya, sometimes I hate myself. 😉 Related Post My Nigerian engagement ceremony bridentity crisis I'm generally of the belief that your wedding is not always about you, but it should reflect you: your beliefs, your values, and your community.... Read more So, here are some of the terms we finally came up with to use instead of "fiance." Feel free to use them as your own… "Marrying girlfriend" or "marrying boyfriend." "My future partner in crime," sometimes shorted to just "partner." "The one I caught" "The guy/girl who's making an honest girl/guy out of me" "The one who would have me, despite all the glaring flaws." "That guy/girl that I'm gonna marry." "Matrimonial candidate" "Spousal Unit" as suggested by a reader Or, my favorite, introduce your partner in a french accent as in "Zees ees mah fee-yon-say." Does anyone else feel the same way about the "F word?" If so, what terms do you use instead? Megan Finley Horowitz When Megan's not writing, traveling, and sleeping, she's eating like the fate of the world depends on it. (You're welcome, world!) You can snoop into her personal life over on her website The Dash and Dine! @meggyfin @thedashanddine @meggyfin PREVIOUS Brilliant blues and some red details, too NEXT Save the Date bookmarks do more than just help you save the date! Show/Hide comments [ 437 ] Actually, I don't like "husband" either. I've decided I'm cool if he wants to call me his wife – actually, he already does occasionally – but I can't stomach "husband" and I don't have a reason for why. I was planning on going from "partner" to "fiance" to "partner" again – but I haven't been able to get "fiance" out of my mouth more than a couple of times, so I'm just keeping my head down and plowing right on through with "partner". Reply If you really want to throw people off Introduce them as your *Looover* ala the old SNL skits. It only gets funnier the more often you say it. Reply I don't like it and I think it's because I'm from a small town where every high school girl would get a 'promise ring' and then start referring to their boyfriends as "my fiance" and two months later they would break up. I think that has taken away any special meaning it could have held for me. Also, in the movie Freeway (one of my faves), Reese Witherspoon refers to her fiance with a beautifully exaggerated southern accent: "FEE-AHN-SAY" (and I'm not knocking the accent; I'm from the south myself). That's what I hear every time I say it and it makes me cringe. It's a beautiful word, and I'll definitely grin and bear it, but I don't have to like it! Reply My husband was funny, he never once called me his fiancé in the 2 years we were engaged. Then about 6 months before the big day, I became his "wifey" or "future wife". He hated the word fiancee, and marriage seemed too far off at the time we first got engaged, so I was his girlfriend for quite some time, until something clicked and I became wife before we were even married 🙂 Reply I totally agree. When I say "fiance" it makes me feel like I'm bragging, or it opens the floodgate for questions that I've answered a million times. My future husband is Japanese, and I much prefer the Japanese word that means "fiance": konyakusha, or literally, "marriage-promise-person". That hits the nail on the head! Reply Marriage-promise-person may be my Dude's new title. That's completely epic. Reply "Marriage-promise-person" is awesome! Reply i am not really a fan of fiance, i have to admit. but i kept using boyfriend, and it turned out it really bothered my other half. he felt like i was trying to underplay the fact we are getting married which is awesome and exciting, and somehow i was embarrassed about it. i try and use it for him now, since it's important to him. unless i can't be bothered talking about the wedding, as 'fiance' inevitably is followed by questions about the where and when… Reply eek, I know I know. I hated it too. I still say future husband quite a bit BUT… now that I've been using fiance fairly frequently for the past 1.5 years, its just a word…like foie gois or quiche…its french, I use it. I don't love it but I no longer hate it. When I started using it, I tried to picture my fiance so it started to mean him, rather than a pretentious french word…ya know? Reply i skip the whole "F" word phase and went straight to the "He's my husband" state. And if i dont want someone at the wedding, i give the impression that it's already gone down, and if i do want you there i say it's still to come! Reply After we got engaged, my now-husband and I moved to a new area. While house hunting, it was strange to realize that we were taken 'more seriously' when meeting potential landlords. Afterall, we weren't just boyfriend/girlfriend, we were fiances! The privilege of it just felt yucky. (which is now heightened even more now that we are now husband/wife). sigh. Reply I noticed this too, the estate agent got a lot less awkward about us renting together, especially long-term when I mentioned we're engaged. Even though they already knew we'd already been renting for 3 years. Reply I can't get used to the word fiance/e. I was previously engaged to someone who continued to introduce me as his "girlfriend" for a year, and I think the resent I developed took the fun out of the word for me. I'm beyond excited to be getting married now, but the F-word just grates me the wrong way. I say it around people who don't know my betrothed's name, but otherwise I avoid it. I'd rather say husband-to-be, husband-elect, or future husband than fiance. Reply I had this same issue!!!! 'fiance' is such a show-offy "oh looky at me, someone wants to marry me" word!!!!! He's my boyfriend, and when he's my husband that's what he'll be!!!! Or, occasionally 'my fondant fancy" when we're being silly (this is the name of a little cake in uk) Who cares really, our friends and family know who and what we are to each other, and we don't move in circles where we need to prove our class and status, Or would we ever have people question our relationship (lucky us!) I'm glad it's not ust me who cringe's a little at this word!! xx Reply We call each other our Beyonces. I'd rather be a Beyonce, than a fiance. Reply I had friends that did that! They even got engaged around the time "Single Ladies" came out. 😉 Reply Yes! I get awkward when he says the "f-word." So I've just flat out started saying, "This is my F-Word Geoff" He laughs, they look at me weird, it works well! I also use "Future Husband" Reply You could also use "my almost husband" or "my almost wife". It works if you don't mind/ plan on referring to each other that way in the future. It shows a step up from dating, but focuses more on the future of your relationship rather than the interim of wedding planning. I also think "betrothed" or "intended" sounds so old fashioned and hilarious that anyone with any sense of humour would crack a smile. Reply I kinda like saying "fie-ants", a la Holly Hunter in Raising Arizona. Reply Me too! Reply I love Joy Behar's phrase of 'spousal equivalent' because, seriously, for most of us in this day and age…what's going to change after you sign that form for the state? Bupkis! My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. That makes it MORE awkward because people always want to know when we're getting married or if we are…which we don't plan on doing. It also feels a little silly to say boyfriend at this point in time. We consider ourselves already married…but we're not so this works for me. He just calls me his wife. =) Reply See, I'm one of the ones who hates the word "boyfriend." The connotations it has for me are immature and lacking in commitment, and it doesn't quite capture the relationship between us. I usually just introduce my guy by his name rather than by his relation to me. He usually hesitates when he introduces me, and once referred to me as his "not-yet finacee." All in all, it's easiest to skip the title entirely. People can usually figure out our relationship by watching how we interact for two minutes anyways (and if you're engaged and wearing a ring, people will notice it if they're that curious). Where I work though, a large portion of my coworkers have complicated relationships, and will refer to any significant other as "old man/woman/lady," or "my/your/his/her guy/girl." Reply My dude and I switch between boyfriend/girlfriend and fiance/e. He was the one who started us calling each other hubby/wifey but that still feels a bit awkward to me. Not totally sure why, but for us it's probably a matter of the fact that we haven't moved in together. So for me, having a transitional phrase works. We are in transition, because we're shortly to move in together (for a number of reasons, it didn't happen earlier) and that does put us in a between state, especially for me. If we'd been living together and sharing bank accounts, etc, for years then it would probably seem sillier. I don't have issues with the word though, unless people are trying to get attention. But people use any term to do that. "Oooh, look, this is my husband (and thus my relationship is more grown up than yours)." "Oooh, look, this is my boyfriend (and you don't have one)." I'm the last one to get married, so it also doesn't make me seem special or anything. I do forget sometimes and just use boyfriend though. Reply Man if feels weird on my tongue now too. He had no issue calling me fiance. The switch was effortless. I still call him boyfriend most often. I just don't feel like I'm still not a kid and can use such words. Yuck. :p I do refer to him as my betrothed on occasion. I like that word for some reason. Reply My hang-up is over the word "husband". Maybe it's because I'm a jaded divorce' or just a jaded biatch in general. 😉 But I just shudder and twitch when I think of having to say "husband". I love my partner. I absolutely freaking adore him, yet I still think of the word husband as indicating some sort of ownership and that makes me cringe (I guess fiance could be taken the same way). I like "partner in crime" the best. I use that a lot. Or I just refer to him as "my sweety". I actually had a professor that when I met her husband she corrected me and said, "Oh no he isn't my husband! He's my lover!" I dig that. 😉 Reply My intended insists that I call him my "pre-husband" and I love it! Reply We use pre-husband and pre-wife as well, or at least we did quite a bit at first, when we were both uncomfortable with fiance. Then, over our year and a half of engagement, we just used fiance for the most part. I don't mind the word as much as I used to, just like I don't mind the idea of marriage as much as I used to. Now, 3 months away from our wedding, it seems our friends and co workers have just started straight up using husband and wife… It throws me a bit, but I like it. It's seems everyone knows that the ceremony itself doesn't change our relationship and it's already at that point of commitment. Reply My boyfriend and I still refer to each other as girlfriend and boyfriend. Although here I refer to him as my fiance, just because it seems easier to type it than say it. Reply I hate the F word and I hate Boyfriend to. We have a baby together so he is more then my bf and we arnt married so I cant (though i have slipped a few time) call him my husband so he is my partner or my other half. Reply we've just stuck with boyfriend and girlfriend. using "fiance" just doesn't feel natural to either of us. i know plenty of people don't take our relationship as seriously as they would if we made it obvious we're engaged… but fuck those people, seriously. we've been together for 5+ years, i've nothing to prove to anyone. AND CAN I JUST SAY… megan looks freaking GORGEOUS in that picture. srsly. Reply Well, gorsh, thanks! That photo was taken almost four years ago — your typical "silly photo in an attempt to show off the ring, but not actually looking like you're trying to show off the ring"/"I just got engaged" shots. 😉 Reply I call my Lisa my future wife. That's what she is, huuuuuh? Reply You're tearing me apart, future wife! Reply HAhahahahaha!!!!!! (catching my breath) … HA!!!!!!!! Reply Omg. THIS!! Hahahahaha! 😀 Reply Oh hai, Lisa! Reply I'm with you on this one! I never called David my fiance ever. It was so awkward and uncomfortable. I don't even like the word 'engaged' because it reminds me of diamond rings, puppies, rainbows, etc. (None of those things I like anyway!) We've been married for months, but the wedding is April 23rd. We just call each other partner if someone looks super confused. I usually just say "Oh, this is David" and leave it at that. Reply Neither of us can bring ourselves to say "fiance" either. So I've started calling the poor guy "my gentleman lover" or "my man-friend." He introduces me as his "wife" or his "partner," which cracks me up, because I don't mind it, but he complains when anyone else uses it. When I call him out on it, he says, "What? You're actually my partner in everything we do. They're just trying to be different." Whatever floats his little boat. Reply I am in an awkward spot in our relationship where we are SO much more than boyfriend/girlfriend, but we aren't officially engaged yet or married. We are common law though, so I use boyfriend/fiance/spouse/significant other interchangably as the situation warrants. Reply We have never used the term fiance…. way too fucking fancy. Even after 2 years being engaged, we still refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Or, in some situations, husband and wife. We just completely skipped over the fiance thing. I've been corrected by friends/family quite a few times, but I just don't care. We're not fancy people, and we ain't calling each other fancy names. Reply I've actually never had a problem with the word fiance. What I do have a problem with is WIFE and MARRIED. I know it's supposed to be a good thing, and exciting thing, a looking forward to thing. But for whatever reason, I can't get away from the feeling that those words just make me feel so tied down, old, and NORMAL. I don't want to be someones WIFE. I don't want to be MARRIED. I want to be the same old, crazy, independent, fun loving, adventurous person I always have been. Now why those words and those things don't go together in my head…I have no idea…but they just don't. Reply My friend on the Tribe called her now-husband her "husband-elect" and I have stolen it for myself! Reply I hated this word as well. I preferred "french boyfriend" or "future husband." Fiance just sounds like it means boyfriend (or girlfriend) in french, right? Reply I use future husband, or almost husband occasionally too! Reply Oh Wow! Just like everyone else I feel exactly the same… as soon as we got engaged my boyfriend said 'no fiance – it just sounds dumb' and since he wasn't saying it, i figured no worries, boyfriend/girlfriend it stays (plus those are our pet names). But then just like you said it leads to totally awkward introductions where people either correct me or (and this has happened a lot recently) ask me if we ever think of getting married… which of course, then leads to the explanation that we are engaged (i don't wear a ring, because i live in a 3rd world, rip-your-finger off for your ring city). Which makes the whole thing just a little bit weirder. This is why I LOVE this site, i find out i'm not a unique spazz but a spazz just like everyone else! Reply I've had exactly the same problem. Don't wear a ring, don't say fiance and then it gets really awkward to say "well actually we're already engaged and the wedding is X months away". It's probably my imagination but the way people react makes me feel like I've sprung it on them and there should have been some kind of build-up of the usual hints (like a ring). Reply love this! anytime i refer to the man as boyfriend, people are all on me "ooohhh dont you mean fiaaaaaaaaaance?!" do we look like fiance people? i think pastels, tennis clubs, and someone named buffy or whatever. i refer to him as the future mr. conte (my last name, lol!) almosthusband, unboyfriend/unhusband, or the idiot thats dumb enough to put up with my crap forever, soon. <3 Reply You could also say My husband to be or soon to be husband…. Or my groom or My better half or my other half lol or something very simple.. My man….. just a thought or two… I never really used fiance when I was engaged but most of the time I said my groom or my man is doing this or that when we were planning our simple park ceremony and we had a "formal picnic" afterwards only because fewer people showed up sadly. Reply I TOTALLY thought we were the only ones that used the word "Beyonce"! Hah! I just thought of using fubs (future hubs) but I absolutely abhor the word fiance. I just keep calling him the boyfriend, or the ginger… Formality, just drives me crazy. Reply "Matrimonial candidate" is maybe my favorite thing of all time. I'm going to have to switch to that, even though we only have about six weeks of the awkward in-between left. I'm going to start saying that to vendors. "Well, my matrimonial candidate and I…" Reply Hey, six weeks is better than no weeks — Aaron came up with that term TODAY and we've been married for two years already. damn him. Reply Mine gets "The love of my life" and, if I'm in a mood, I'll add "and the bane of my existence!" ^_^ Reply I have a friend who refers to her sig. other as her beloved. 🙂 I know that's a little too sentimental/heavy for a lot of people to drop casually in a conversation, but she uses it all the time. It's sweet, and so her. Reply I thought 'fiance' was too formal for us… So I chose to call him "super boyfriend." It got the point across that he was more than a boyfriend but we weren't married yet. Reply I personally enjoy Fiance but wonder why there are no other real words for it. I feel silly calling him my boyfriend and only do it jokingly and he snickers "I'm not your boyfriend anymore~!" I believe fiance is french…why is there no real american word? Reply OMG! I just stumbled upon your blog for the first time and I think I'm in love! I totally understand the weird fiance thing, can't really bring myself to say it except in joke. My preferred form is Fi-ance (as it's pronounced in Raising Arizona), but mostly I still say boyfriend. I'm used to confusing people since we've been together for almost 10 years and have 2 kids, so when I say boyfriend they assume I'm a single mom and dating. But screw it, the people who matter know the score. And the too fancy thing with the invitations! I swear I had that moment thinking "what the hell am I googling invitation phrasing for". Reply Me and my fiance actually just call each other husband and wife cuz, even without the crazy legal paperwork, we're still married. I use his last name in everything except professional stuff anyway 🙂 Reply We call each other almost-husband/wife. I like it! Reply I stuck with 'partner'. To each other, we used the term 'engagement partner' but whenever I introduced Andy it was as my partner. I still tend to do that, even though he's my husband now. Reply I love this post!!!!!!! I flat out refuse to say IT too. Interestingly enough, partner in crime is what I've switched to already! Reply I hate the F word too. Probably because it has connotations for me of girls who at 16 'get engaged' about 100 times cause they're too fancy pants to say boyfriend like the rest of us lame-os. I usually use 'andrew' and most people figure it out from the context what role he plays in my life. I'm also a fan of 'spousal equivilant' if I have to use anything. Reply I started giggling when I read this. Lovely, and I think I might actually try it out for myself. Thank you! Reply See….I love the term 'fianceé' (And anyone who wishes to use it but can't get that little accent to come up, it's Alt + 130)… The word that I can't stand…that sends literal shivers down my spine, and makes me want to punch a kitten is… Spouse. Ugh! I don't know if its the "sp" part or the "ouse"….but the word itself and how I say it makes me want to cringe!!!!!!!! Reply fiance always feels weird to me too. so i usually refer to him as my husband, and he to me, as his wife. Reply Read more comments ‹ 1 2 3 4 … 6 › Join the conversation Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *Comment Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Sign me up for your offbeat awesomeness newsletter! No-drama comment policy Part of what makes the Offbeat Empire different is our commitment to civil, constructive commenting. 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Hi lovelies,
WeddingLovely has officially shut its doors, after nearly nine years in business. I kind of feel like I should round that up to nearly a decade because it blows my mind. It's been a wonderful, thrilling, exciting, terrifying, bittersweet time — I've learned so much, and I've felt so much joy working with you and all our customers and friends around the world.
I'm keeping the blog up with no updates, to celebrate all the good times and wonderful features we've had over the years, and closed the rest of our properties. Thank you all for your support over the years.
With love,

subset: commoncrawl


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Life Would Be Perfect if I Subscribed to That Magazine
For a lot of people it is houses. Others have a thing for clothes. It can be anything though or any combination of things. So many people seek to create and become their version of "perfect" based on their stuff. We think "If I have this or do that or go there then my life will be perfect." Or at least, we think other people will think we're perfect. Then we'll have friends and be admired instead of made fun of. We'll be included, elevated even. We can even escape our pasts or transcend our origins if only we have good taste and get good stuff.
On a couple of occasions my former friend A and her husband called me and my family white trash, igniting my competitiveness with her I'm sure. They also constantly talked about things I didn't understand and corrected my pronunciation. Once, I dated a guy who said my family may as well have been black (can you imagine?) and I was dumped by a doctor who said I was not on his level because I did not have an education like he did, although ha ha I do now. My already low self esteem was confirmed by all of these comments and I felt I had to escape it. I didn't want to be trash.
For me, it wasn't houses that were my thing, although I confess they certainly could have been if I could have afforded one. When I owned my house in Atlanta I certainly felt proud of it and I did delight in the fact that it was all mine, but that unfortunately was fleeting. I loved my apartment, but not with quite the zeal of Meghan Daum.
My thing has always been magazines. I admit it, I'm obsessed with magazines and their appeal for me is double layered. I escape in the content of the magazines, but I also relish the prestige of being able to say that I read certain magazines. Because of this, magazines are like joy squared for me.
Like all weird behaviors, my magazine fixation began in childhood. Growing up with my grandparents, they had a permanent subscription to Readers Digest. This didn't interest me. When I went to go live with my parents in New York, I was eleven and while my parents weren't readers and would never subscribe to anything, they always picked up copies of a magazine called the Robb Report at the convenience store where they bought cartons of Vantage Ultra-Lights.
Together my parents would sit on their bed smoking and stubbing out their butts in half empty soda cans as they flipped slowly through the Robb Report, a magazine which highlights in high-gloss, the playthings and amusements of the extraordinarily wealthy. They sighed over opulent cars and homes, vacation spots and exclusive clubs all over the world. They planned together how they would get these things, even choosing the upholstery in their future Rolls and they never spoke in the subjunctive tense of might, could, or would love to have. They spoke only in absolute terms. We're getting a Lamborghini. We're buying an estate.
In the back of the magazine were listings of luxury items for sale - everything from yachts to mansions to racehorses. My parents combed through these listings as if they truly believed these things were within their realm of possibility. They went so far as to set up appointments with real estate agents on the weekends so that they could visit some of the houses for sale and they always brought me along to showings in Alpine and Saddle River, New Jersey or Tuxedo Park, New York. I remember one estate that had an aviary of exotic birds and there was a real live toucan. Another time we toured the home of Audrey and Judy Landers who lived with their mother. I had never heard of them but apparently one sister was on Dallas and both had been on The Love Boat. All I remember is a mildewy indoor pool and the way the chlorine hung in the heat and humidity of that room while snow clung to the windows.
All that from a magazine.
At some point that year, I asked my mother for a Seventeen and my obsession was born. The people in the magazine had perfect lives, but so did the people who read the magazine. My grandparents bought me a subscription for my birthday when I told them that was all I wanted.
A couple years later I broke up with Seventeen for good. I remember the exact moment that it happened - the moment I found my true love in print.
It was the summer between ninth and tenth grades. I was at Aunt Kiki's house for the summer. I've written about that summer before. I sold blackberries on the side of the road and loved a boy who played tennis at the Country Club and who, many years later, made fun of my Mary Janes when he was dating a San Francisco heiress and cheating on her with me, but that's another story. I was almost fifteen that summer and I rode my bike all over Millpond. One of my favorite destinations was The Chicken Shack, Millpond's answer to the Quickie Mart and which, in addition to the usual cold drinks, condoms, aspirin and candy, also sold fried chicken.
The Chicken Shack had an impressive magazine selection. By that time I had added Vogue, Elle and of course Cosmopolitan to my reading list, though in all honesty I only flipped through Elle and Vogue to look at the super models in the ads, which I then ripped out and taped to my bedroom walls. I only actually read Cosmopolitan, because, though I had barely just kissed a boy, I really believed I needed to know how to drive a man wild in bed. I spent a large portion of my money, mostly gotten through blackberry sales and as gifts from Aunt Kiki's drug dealers, on magazines at the Chicken Shack. Just the usual ones and by now I had developed a disdain for Young Miss. I think this was before it abbreviated itself into YM, KFC style.
But then I saw it. There was a new magazine and on its cover was a girl in red lipstick who looked confident and gorgeous and slightly pissed. This girl would never be a cheerleader. She listened to music you've never heard of and ate Indian food. She had already backpacked through Europe before she even graduated high school. She read books they'd never make movies out of and enjoyed french cinema. Boys threatened to throw themselves off of bridges for this girl. This girl was Sassy.
I've always felt that Sassy was the cheesiest name for the greatest magazine ever published for teenage girls, but the name wouldn't deter me from never missing a single edition until it folded and broke my heart. I felt like I knew the staff of this magazine. I felt like the girls in Sassy, though they were no more real or authentic than the girls in Seventeen, were who I wanted to be. Sassy girls wore vintage prom gowns, had short hair, listened to The Smiths and went to Sarah Lawrence when they graduated. They could write beat poems, protest social injustices and travel to Africa to single handedly install a clean water system and save an entire village from Cholera. The Sassy girl could tell a boy how to touch her without blushing and stuttering and then have the confidence to break up with him. I was nothing like this girl, except for The Smiths, but she was who I wanted and needed to be. In many ways, I still aspire to this goal.
Sassy had a contest every year to find "The Sassiest Girl in America." It was my greatest wish to be this girl. Every year when they'd profile the winner I'd read about these girls who all had weird names and could skateboard and I would just die inside that I could never be that cool. I remember one girl who was named after a thrift store and I hated my mother for not being more creative when I was born. I wanted to be named after a thrift store too, but with my luck I'd have been stuck with a name like Salvation and it wouldn't have had the same flair.
I wanted to be the Sassiest Girl in America so badly that to this day I still remember the full name of one of the winners - Rinnan Henderson. How is that name still floating in my head? I even googled her.
Another time I made out with a guy who had apparently dated one of the Sassiest Girls in America and I remember, at the time, thinking HOLY CRAP he dated her and is kissing me!!! That must mean that there's some Sassiness in me too. There is hope! I am a little embarrassed to admit this, so please let's just keep my enthusiasm between all 550 of us.
By the time Sassy ended, I was in my twenties and needed to move on anyway. I grew up. I remember my initial excitement at finding Jane in an airport bookstore and hoping it might restore some much needed Sassy-tude to my life. I never missed an issue of that either, though I never loved it as much. I was a huge fan of the "make-under" section though.
Martha Stewart wrecked me. Every month I'd buy Living in the grocery store line and wonder why I couldn't drill Moravian stars into pumpkins. Why couldn't I have a picket fence to whitewash and edge in heirloom hollyhocks? Why the hell couldn't my family have special brown turkey pattern Thanksgiving china and individual, amber Depression glass turkey soup tureens on our holiday table?? Clearly my mother was a failure and so was I now because neither of us could weave our own cornucopias out of dried grape vines from the vineyard in our backyard and where was my private beach in the Hamptons where I could bake lobsters in the sand? No magazine has ever made me feel as inadequate and deprived as Martha Stewart Living, but damned if I don't still buy it, hoping that if I at least look at the pictures that I can one day be a better person - one with a special room in her house dedicated to nothing but gift wrapping and of course I'd only use vintage ribbon.
For the past ten years I've been hooked on the Real Simple aesthetic. I love that matte paper. I am sold on the idea of spare, sensible and extremely expensive. I want to live in an airy farmhouse with a mudroom too. I want that zen-like sense of perfect organization and balance. If I buy the magazine, maybe I can have it.
Last year I was featured in two (TWOOOOO) editions of Real Simple. One time a total stranger recognized my name off of a form and said "Are you the same XX that was in this month's Real Simple??" No kidding. That really happened and I almost peed my pants. It was truly the highlight of my writing life. Me. In a magazine. Me. In Real Simple. It was like I was suddenly a legitimate human being after 35 years.
But these are the magazines whose content promises me a perfect life. There are the others whose prestige I covet. These are the magazines I want guests to see on my coffee table. I want these magazines peeking out of my laptop bag in the first class section of the airplane. These make me look smart, accomplished and elegant. The New Yorker. The Paris Review. The Economist. Vanity Fair. The Atlantic.
If I were the kind of person who read The New Yorker (and not just puzzled over the comics) my life would be perfect. I know it. If I could get through an edition of The Economist I swear I'd finally believe I was intelligent. The Atlantic, arriving monthly in my mailbox, would magically turn me clever, informed and hip. I'd be like the Sassiest Girl in America all grown-up. And of course a subscription to The Paris Review would mean I was a real writer. I haven't even dared to daydream about being in The Paris Review so we won't even talk about that. I just want to read it knowingly.
I subscribe to two magazines right now: O and Real Simple. I felt I owed Real Simple for publishing me twice. O I love for the book suggestions and stories of women overcoming hardships. I like the pictures too. I've long since given up the fashion magazines and Cosmo. My husband would have a heart attack if I tried that trick with the Altoid and the ice cubes, so I don't think it's quite safe to try to drive him wild.
I limit my magazine buying, but I confess that I love going to the doctor just so I can read all the magazines in the waiting room. I seek the longest line in the grocery store so I can flip through Coastal Living and Saveur if I'm at Whole Foods. Lately I've started wondering if I should start reading some of those New Agey parenting magazines about feeding your baby edamame and how young can you do yoga with your infant. You know, these are the ones printed on recycled paper.
The mothers and children inside all look perfect.
11 comments:
- Green said...
I wonder what the girls featured in Sassy and Jane grew up to become.
I've never thought I could be the other girls featured in the magazines. When I'd look at their lives, I'd view them the way you view the Eskimos you learn about in sociology class.
Am I the only girl who never had those magazines as a kid? I had National Geographic. I don't know what that says about me. :)
Do people actually do any of those projects they profile in magazines? I file things away that I find in herb magazines, with all the intentions in the world of trying some. But somehow it never crosses my radar when it comes to actually doing them.
I think my mother wanted one of those Sassy daughters- the overachievers, saving entire villages in third-world countries, and graduating college within two years with a perfect GPA and class president.
- Heather said...
Girl! I am so right there with you and the magazine thing. I met one of the original writers/editors of Sassy many years ago and yeah, she really is that cool. Married an Internet guy who actually made money, both so smart. I love Real Simple more than anything, that and the occasional tabloid that is. Good for you getting published! As far as parenting mags go, do NOT get the one the sell at Whole Foods. I am still upset over an article I read in there about the evils of c-sections right after I had to have one. I went from feeling really good about my birth experience to shame and guilt in seconds. Ugh. Just get Parenting, it's much more down to earth and most of the time you can get 1 yr free with other things. Buy one of the toys they recommend imthink.
- JoeinVegas said...
I was always impressed with Martha Stewart, then caught her on some gardening show planting tulip bulbs. There she was in sun had and gloves on her kneeling pad putting in bulbs after showing pictures of the millions of flowers from last year. It seemed like she really worked that yard. Then the camera pulled back and accidentally caught the crew with a backhoe and crates of bulbs waiting for her to get out of the way.
It's the money; you can buy people to make all that for you.
- Unknown said...
I'm going to second Heather and say DO NOT get one of those hip urban, cute-looking parenting magazines at Whole Foods. My friends who have kids say that those make them feel WAAAY worse about themeselves than just the plain old regular mainstream dowdy parenting magazines. Like, "Oh my god I'm not doing an hour of baby yoga with my baby after my ten hour shift, and our food doesn't remotely come close to being raw organic vegan! I am a horrible parent!!" Yeah, just no.
Also, I am 33 years old and still totally pine for Sassy and Jane. What are the tweens of today going to do without make-unders? So sad. Although, I will blame Sassy for getting my hopes dashed after I came up with some exceedingly extravagant college plans that could have never been possible. Damn them for their profile of the American University of Paris! Damn them all to hell! :p
- FreeDragon said...
Urgh- Martha. My mother buys month old mags from the flea market (so we can appear chic while being cheap) and passes them on to me. I hate Martha. But I have to admitt I like her stuff so I read Real Simple and Living cover to cover. But I like the country magazines better- Country Woman, Country Living, Cottage Style, Country Sampler. They seem more 'real' to me, like I could actually live like the people featured.
- Donna said...
Just the idea of reading a magazine seems so decadent to me. These days I mostly read spelling lists and frozen dinner ingredients. But, if anyone ever publishes a magazine for single, over 40 mothers who have to kick laundry out of the way to get into the bathroom, well, I'd make time to read a publication like that!
- Kate said...
OMG, Wide Lawns, to this day I lament the end of Sassy. The best girl magazine that ever was and ever will be. Oh, Sassy. Thanks for bringing back a fond memory. :)
When I was 18 or so I used to read a young women's magazine religiously and try to absorb the pictures. I think it was Cosmopolitan before Helen Gurley Brown got her talons into it.
The magazine had beautiful, sunny illustrations of what we were supposed to be wearing. I remember the wording, "country brogues, thick chunky bracelets, sunny streaked hair, touseled good looks."
The models, deliriously confident and happy, were looking out at me saying, "You could take part in our wonderful adventures if you would only dress like this."
They would also, so kindly, have examples of what we should be looking for in fashion, layers of golden tweeds, matched with turtleneck sweaters and layered gold necklaces, Founes gloves and shimmery soft leather bags.
I could barely afford the magazine and had no thought of trying to buy any of those looks but my heart was carried away with imagining how much fun life would be and how easily successful I would be if I were decked out like those girls in the magazine.
My page refreshed itself as I was saving this so I don't know if this comment reached you. I hope it's not a duplicate.
When I was 18 or so I used to read a young women's magazine religiously and try to absorb the pictures. I remembered it was Glamour Magazine. The magazine had beautiful, sunny illustrations of what we were supposed to be wearing. I remember the wording, "country brogues, thick chunky bracelets, sunny streaked hair, touseled good looks."
The models, deliriously confident and happy, were looking out at me saying, "You could take part in our wonderful adventures if you would only dress like this."
They would also, so kindly, have examples of what we should be looking for in fashion, layers of golden tweeds, matched with turtleneck sweaters and layered gold necklaces, Founes gloves and shimmery soft leather bags.
I could barely afford the magazine and had no thought of trying to buy any of those looks but my heart was carried away with imagining how much fun life would be and how easily successful I would be if I were decked out like those girls in the magazine.
Don't read Parenting! Or Cookie! Or Amy of the print ones, really. They are mostly ads for stuff interspersed with terrifying, inflammatory article on the latest thing that will kill your baby if you don't buy all the stuff in the ads. The best I've found (as a fellow Sassy lover) is an online magazine called Babble. There are still ads for gear, but in a special section, they are a lot more measured in reporting the latest research (as in "such and such study says this will kill your baby if you don't buy X, but it was funded by the makers of X, so maybe it's BS), and the writers really take the judge-not approach. What works for you may not work for me, but neither of us are bad parents because of it. Plus, celebrity baby sightings and gossip, which sounds up your alley. I don't work for them, I just read, and it's a good resource.
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Ms ....
Student or Learner
I too would prefer Ms.
Ms ....
Is this just a free for all where everyone puts up a random answer no matter how wrong it is??
The poll doesn't even include correct punctuation for American/Canadian English...I'm not a teacher (so take this with a grain of salt), but somebody had to step in...
**Bottom line- this is the correct usage in America (British is the same just no periods):
"Miss" is used for young girls, unmarried women, and can be used if you are not sure whether or not they or married. It is pronounced exactly how it looks. It does not require a period since it is not an abbreviation.
"Ms." is used for unmarried women and is the default (the title one should use) if you are not sure whether or not they are married. In British English there is no period. In America, it is pronounced sort of like "miz" or "miss," thus, it is sometimes hard to differentiate by ear alone. In some other countries, it is prounced differently.
"Mrs." is used for married women (and widows). It is also used by many unmarried women in business, politics, and other positions of power or prestige. In British English there is no period. It is prounounced "missus" or "missis" (although there is no actual phonetic spelling for the word).
"Mr." is used for all men (regardless of marriage status).
These titles all came from different combinations and adaptations of Mister and Mistress. That is the most basic answer. It gets much more complicated than that as far as where the terms came from and how they've changed in usage over the years.
Good luck Misters and Misses!
I use Ms only with a woman if I don't know she is married or not.
Mrs if I know that a woman is married.
Miss with a girl that I know she is not married.
There is only one thing I have doubts about: It is also used by many unmarried women in business, politics, and other positions of power or prestige. I have come across this in Germany with Frau (=Mrs), but I have not encountered it with the English word - at least not in the UK. Perhaps capng would care to comment on this.
I use a schwa.
The same problem exists in French, too. (mademoiselle or madame) It seems only a femal problem, because the male adress doesn't discriminate between a married or unmarried man. Because of gender equality women required to abolish "mademoiselle" in official administrations. In Luxemburg they succeeded now: In future there will be no "mademoiselle" in official documents. Here the full Articel (german) wort.lu/de/view/schluss-mit-mademoiselle-4f758448e4b091a01f189eaf .


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Yesterday I posted plans on how to make your own Halloween Candy Stand {found here} and here is a simple tutorial for the creating sign.
I admit I am fairly new to the Mod Podge Craze. {I know, right} One of the main reasons being I really did not know just how to use it and thought it was complicated. {I had a little conception that it was super messy too} I can tell you now that it is quickly becoming a craft necessity! I mod podged the pumpkins shown above a few weeks ago {found here} and couldn't wait to break it out and use it again!
This is really easy to do and I'm pretty much posting this tutorial for those who have not ventured into the mod podge world {like me}. This concept can be used for so many ideas. I started with a tin sign that I purchased last year after the season {it was 39 cents and I bought every one they had knowing they would be perfect for a few things with a little makeover} You can also find signs such as these at the dollar store, etc – the idea is it doesn't have to be pretty in its original state, just inexpensive so you can customize it.
I laid the sign on top of a piece of scrapbook paper, trace around it and cut the shape out a tad smaller than the guidelines so it would fit. I added a little antiquing to the paper by rubbing the edges and surface gently with a Tim Holtz Distressed Ink Pad. A coat of mod podge was then painted on the entire surface of the sign; right over the existing purple. I also painted a light coat on the back of my paper cut out and then placed it onto the sign.
I used my Silhouette to cut out the letters. One of the great things I love about the Silhouette is the ability to use all the fonts you have stored right on your own computer. {you don't have to purchase or download anything} If you do not have a cutter you could create the letters in a word document, print on scrapbooking paper and simply cut them out as well. {same effect just manual cutting involved}
The back of each letter was painted with a coat of mod podge and place onto the sign; then lightly brushed over with more mod podge to hold in place.
The entire sign then received a final coat of mod podge.
You can be very generous with this stuff as it dries completely clear sealing in all the letters!
I am a fan of the matte finish product – I love the satin sheen.
I attached the sign to the candy stand with some Velcro stickies in case I decided to use it as a planter…That way I can make a Happy Fall sign and leave it out a little longer than just Halloween!


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With both Marcus McNeill and Vincent Jackson threatening to hold out into the season, some people believe this could derail the Chargers' Superbowl Run. AJ Smith decided to sign replacements that are major downgrades at both positions.
- McNeill has been great in the passing game and about average in the running game. He has also had some issues with his neck and had surgery last year. His replacement Tra Thomas is ... old , and was released by Jacksonville this year. Thomas' ability to protect Rivers' blindside and physically last the season at a demanding position is a great concern in the mind of any Charger fan if McNeill misses time. The rhythm of the passing game and the physical safety of Rivers greatly depend on the Left Tackle.
- Jackson has developed into a go-to target, a legitimate deep threat and a match up nightmare against small corners. He had many great catches last season that directly resulted in Charger wins. Jackson averaged over 17 yards a catch that made the Chargers a big play team. He also had a DUI which has resulted in a suspension of three games. Josh Reed is not going to replace Jacksons production. If anything, Reed will probably be a slot Receiver, and has yet to develop chemistry with Rivers. Replacing Jackson's production will fall upon Gates,Floyd, Naanee and Davis. Davis has spent more time in the trainers room than on the field thus far in his career, and Floyd is injury prone as well. How will the chargers fare when their major strength can potentially be dealt a major blow if Jackson holds out?
Under these circumstances, who's contract should AJ Smith prioritize over the other?


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MONTREAL —The Summit on Higher Education is here.
At last. Monday and Tuesday is when student leaders will be rubbing elbows with university presidents, when union leaders and business leaders will sit around the same table to debate what can be done to save the decaying, drowning university system in Quebec.
It's a tall order and not many participants going into the summit are confident the process is going to lead to anything concrete.
In fact, most are predicting the whole thing will be a spectacular flop, and it's a good possibility. Rather than being an open discussion seeking solutions to a crisis in higher education, the summit has been criticized as being a public relations exercise, a bogus consultation that has been preordained to result in indexation and an opportunity to put university presidents on trial for mismanagement.
Others say the summit won't be conclusive, but is more of a jumping off point. What is known going into this summit is that the financial situation for universities has never been more critical. New cuts announced in December have only made it worse. "We are facing a crisis," said Heather Munroe-Blum, principal and vice-chancellor of McGill University.
Despite the fact universities say jobs are at stake this time, we've spent months debating whether or not universities really are underfunded and we still don't have a consensus going into the summit.
Gerry Sklavounos, Liberal higher education critic, said it would be far more beneficial if we were going into the summit to address the problem of underfunding and to propose possible solutions to it, rather than continuing what has been a circular debate that promises no resolution.
"The fundamental issue here is the quality of education and the money to support it," he said.
Students insist the universities have adequate funds but don't spend them properly, while universities say they are underfunded $850 million a year compared with other provinces.
Students dispute the universities' calculations and point to issues like contentiously high administrative salaries as proof there is mismanagement. But McGill University, for example, argued that even if all of its senior administration salaries were completely eliminated, the university would save only 0.8 per cent of its total budget — and it spends more than 10 times that amount on student financial support.
Universities have $2.1 billion in accumulated deficit, at least $1.5 billion in deferred maintenance and, as of December, a new budget cut of $124 million for this year and next along with a threat of financial penalties if at least 50 per cent of those cuts aren't made by April 2014.
No wonder Quebec's rectors are going into the summit in a foul mood.
Government officials haven't helped the matter by suggesting they agree with students to some degree, that the problem might be more about management than funding, which probably suits them politically as it removes pressure to come up with the cash.
But outside parties are pointing to an underfunding problem. The Fédération québécoise des professeures et professeurs d'université (FQPPU) recently said the government needs to inject at least $300 million a year into universities to maintain a quality system. Economist Pierre Fortin did a study, presented at the pre-summit, which said universities are underfunded by at least $300 million to $400 million a year.
The Post Graduate Students' Society of McGill University (PGSS), wanting to understand the situation, analyzed all the financial data and adopted a motion last week saying that it believes universities are underfunded, contrary to the Fédération étudiante universitaire du Québec (FEUQ), which represents it.
But instead of a summit focused on solutions, the universities claim they've been demonized and will be put on trial.
"The Parti Québécois is laying blame on the universities," Sklavounos said. "They're trying to diminish the credibility of the universities, allowing them to take the heat for the problems in the system. Going into this summit, the dice are loaded against our universities."
The summit has also been haunted by the issue of free tuition. Emboldened by its success in cancelling last year's tuition hike and helping to bring down the Liberal government, the most militant student group, ASSÉ, subsequently decided a tuition freeze wasn't enough and has pushed for free tuition.
When the group wasn't convinced the idea would be seriously considered, even when summoned by Premier Pauline Marois to a private meeting, it decided to boycott the summit and will instead hold a demonstration just after it wraps up on Tuesday afternoon.
"We won't be part of a consensus that states that free education is not attainable," said ASSÉ spokesperson Jérémie Bédard-Wien, who said before its success last year that ASSÉ hadn't really had the courage to push forward with the idea of free education. "We aren't backing down. The summit is a feeble victory for a six-month strike."
While it would be easy to dismiss the idea as preposterous, given the province's huge debt, Quebec's big labour unions have backed the idea of free tuition and former PQ leader Jacques Parizeau recently supported it as well, so the idea keeps arising and diverting the focus of the summit.
Another indication of a doomed summit is the absolutely universal belief that it will result in a proposal for indexing tuition to the cost of living — an idea that pleases no one. Depending which scenario the PQ would opt for, tuition would rise by about $40 to $80 a year. Indexation has been rejected by the main student federations and deemed negligible by universities, which consider it inadequate to address a decade of underfunding.
According to Bédard-Wien, indexation shouldn't be seen as a compromise between a tuition increase and a freeze; he views it as a step toward a U.S.-style higher education system that keeps students indebted.
"We want the government to know that indexation will not be a way to stifle confrontation and social movements," he said. "It's not a permanent pacifier."
So far from offering a solution, indexation could spell big trouble for the PQ government if students organize and mobilize to protest against it en masse.
"In the end, the PQ is going to propose some sort of indexation, the students won't be happy and will slam the door and the rectors might do the same because it doesn't solve anything for them," said Stéphane Le Bouyonnec, higher education critic for the Coalition Avenir Québec. "Then the PQ will impose its solution and we'll see if there's enough spring in the carré rouge movement to go back to the streets and try to make the government back down again."
So can this summit solve any of the hot-button issues afflicting Quebec's universities, or is this much-hyped summit just a precursor to a new season of social unrest and protests?
Much of what will be discussed at the summit will be a rehash of the themes that were discussed in four preparatory meetings since last fall: funding and governance, quality, accessibility and the impact of universities and research on Quebec.
Thousands of pages of documentation have been deposited with the government on all of these subjects, a dizzying array of opinions and analysis submitted for consideration.
Can it all be synthesized, digested and churned into something cohesive that will offer concrete solutions in the day-and-a-half-long summit?
The fact is that much of it is posturing for political purposes, and most positions remain firmly entrenched as they were a year ago, when there seemed to be no compromise that would make everyone even remotely happy.
That, Bédard-Wien said, is exactly why ASSÉ is not going to the summit.
"What's the point of getting people around the table to talk when they don't really talk, they just present opposing points of view and then shoot at each other in the crossfire of the media?" he said.
Positions are polarized and, unless someone sprinkles fairy dust over the summit headquarters, it's not really known how less than two days of discussion can reconcile some of the contradictory viewpoints.
In fact, there is much skepticism about the whole process. Robert Proulx, the newly inducted rector of the Université du Québec à Montréal, said that at the preparatory summits, people were given just a few minutes to speak — not conducive to meaningful dialogue.
Higher Education Minister Pierre Duchesne has issued more of a timetable than an actual agenda, as no one really seems to know what format the summit will take or what propositions, if any, will be tabled. He said the four themes — funding and governance, quality, accessibility and the impact of universities and research on Quebec — will be discussed on the first day, leading into a plenary session on the second day. Perhaps it shows where the government's priorities are in that the only detail specified about the agenda is that it will all wrap up with a speech by Marois.
There will be 350 people there, including observers and media, but the core group around the table will be 54 partners in education and seven elected officials. More than 50 per cent of that group will be made up of students and professors and unions.
And the debates promise to be similar to what we've been hearing for months.
On one side, you have students arguing that a tuition freeze is necessary for accessibility, but on other side are experts arguing that low tuition actually hurts quality and accessibility.
Ross Finnie, an associate professor in the graduate school of public and international affairs at the University of Ottawa, said repeated studies show that cultural factors are much more of a barrier to going to university than financial matters.
"You can march up and down the streets all you want saying keep tuition low, but you're not going to change much," he said in an interview.
He understands that it's easier to see the world in terms of financial barriers, but he said young people are far more influenced by their family's attitude to education than income or tuition when it comes to going to university. And he cautioned that once you choose the price, you are also choosing the quality.
"The low tuition in Quebec is probably harming both quality and limiting the number of places available," he said. "Which is obviously not what most of those marching in the street would really want."
Then there's differentiation, which the CAQ proposed and would entail students paying different tuition for different programs. It's an idea that acknowledges some programs, like medicine, cost more to deliver.
No, the student groups said in unison, this is another unacceptable barrier.
But it's a common concept across Canada, with differentiation fees of 10 to 20 per cent at the undergraduate level between arts and engineering or sciences. The University of Toronto faculty of law, for example, charged almost $28,000 for tuition in 2012-13, while an arts undergraduate degree costs roughly $6,000 per year.
"There's plenty of precedent for differentiation and, for me, it's a no-brainer," said Alex Usher, who leads the Toronto consultancy Higher Education Strategy Associates, although he specified tuition differentiation is often done based on what the market returns will be.
It's not fair, said Le Bouyonnec, that a political science student pays 40 per cent of the cost of their education, while a medical student pays five to 10 per cent of the cost. The CAQ also proposed allowing the more research-intensive universities — Université de Montréal, McGill, Laval and Sherbrooke — to charge more tuition.
He said increasing their fees by 15 per cent for five years would bring in about $400 million a year "and would solve a big chunk of the universities' problems."
To be fair, not only students were opposed to this idea, but also some of the other universities. Proulx said it had the potential to be "catastrophic," something that could actually destroy the higher education system.
And then there's the thorny issue of funding.
Fortin, a UQAM professor emeritus, said the Conference of Rectors and Principals of Quebec Universities (CREPUQ) perhaps didn't take into account that the cost of living is lower in Quebec than other provinces when it calculated that universities are underfunded by $850 million a year. His analysis shows $300 million to $400 million of underfunding in 2009-10 and at least another $100 million for 2010-11.
"Clearly, there is a very serious underfunding problem," he said. "And clearly, it is sufficient to justify the Liberals' financing."
He is a strong advocate for indexation, saying a freeze while the cost of living goes up three per cent a year means that in 10 years universities will be 30 per cent behind.
(Marois was assailed for trying to make this assertion recently, with Sklavounos accusing her of trying to "reinvent the dictionary" where a freeze means a hike and indexation means a freeze.)
Fortin has proposed three models of indexation, but favours the third — and highest at 3.5 per cent per year — because it would stabilize the contribution of a student to the true cost of their university education, but would make it difficult for the government to increase tuition faster than the ability to pay.
"If you increase tuition three per cent a year, no one will notice," said Fortin, who believes the majority of the population and students would support indexation. "But if you have a freeze followed by a 30 per cent increase in 10 years, it leads to social instability. Really, a freeze could lead to another crisis."
Which brings us to the million-dollar question: could there be another printemps érable, demonstrations and boycotts of the same magnitude as last year when about 170,000 students boycotted classes for months and about 300,000 marched in protest on March 22?
Much has stayed the same, but much has also changed. For example, a vilified leader — Jean Charest — is no longer in the picture and even with some missteps from the PQ, the party has been embraced as having brought in a tuition freeze (even if only temporarily) and having kept a promise to listen to students and all partners in higher education.
If indexation is indeed the result of the summit, that will still mean a much smaller increase than the original $325 a year for five years the Liberals proposed. Will students be willing to jeopardize their school year and march over about fifty bucks a year?
"I think it's unlikely students will mobilize to the same degree as last year over a small increase," Usher said. "But once you get in the habit of going out, it gets easier to go out every once in a while."
And there is strike fatigue to consider and the risk that a boycott over a small increase could make the students lose credibility. So maybe students will walk over indexation, as ASSÉ said it is prepared to do, but it's a risk.
Also, that united front of last year is gone. The FEUQ and the Fédération étudiante collégiale du Québec (FECQ) don't support ASSÉ's desire for free education, although all are opposed to indexation.
In fact, students might have lost their taste for protest, judging by a recent turn of events when five CEGEPs, including two ASSÉ strongholds — the Collège de Valleyfield and CEGEP du Vieux Montréal — rejected a day of protests during the summit.
Also, students from opposing views are asserting their positions rather than meekly joining the silent majority. For example, students and alumni of HEC Montréal banded together this week to issue a statement that they were worried about the underfunding of Quebec's universities.
"Nothing will happen at that summit and we don't think it's the right direction to keep blaming universities," said Nassim Gasmi, head of the alumni group. "We're worried about losing our best teachers and the value of our degree in the marketplace."
Similarly, the Students' Representative Council at Bishop's University issued a call for leadership on the eve of the summit, saying funding issues are reality, not myth, and more funding is needed.
The association also blasted FEUQ for pushing for a special commission to study university financing, saying it will merely prolong the process and further hinder an injection of badly needed funds into universities.
"The longer this debate goes on, the more students will suffer," president Adam Peabody said.
McGill's PGSS, while supporting some of the FEUQ's positions, also took an opposing stand on the issue of funding because it doesn't believe provoking a debate about mismanagement is constructive. "There have been efforts to demonize the universities," PGSS president Jonathan Mooney said. "This is the wrong strategy. We need to focus on what will create a healthy financial situation for Quebec universities."
He said the only long-term sustainable solution is an injection of funds, although the PGSS does agree with the FEUQ's demand for a commission overseeing financing.
"It's clear these are issues that are very sensitive to Quebec society and if we don't approach them with due care we could be caught up in another social crisis," Mooney said. "The government needs to take a hard look at whether universities have sufficient funding to fulfill their responsibilities."
FEUQ president Martine Desjardins discounted this so-called dissension among student groups, saying independent associations like Bishop's and HEC didn't support the boycott last year, either. And she is still adamant that universities "need to prove that more money is needed" but also concedes that a strike would be a last resort.
"When you ask students to go on strike, you need to prove you've done everything else," she said.
Last year's protests came after students had been imploring the government for two years to abort its planned tuition hike. Desjardins said while the FEUQ, which represents 125,000 students, remains opposed to indexation, it doesn't mean a proposal for indexation will result in immediate protests, although she said they will "ramp up" pressure.
So while there is no question this summit is a watershed moment for Quebec society, it is not a given that a summit that doesn't deliver — or delivers the wrong message — will necessarily lead to marching in the streets.
And while much of the focus has been on what the summit will achieve concerning university tuition, for many the real issue that must be addressed at this summit is whether Quebec universities as we know them can be saved.


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text:
Muddy Colors IMC 2017 Scholarship Winner
-By Dan dos Santos
We are really excited to be able to offer one lucky reader a full scholarship to attend the sold out IMC this year. This scholarship is made entirely possible by our reader's
Patreon donations
. So thank you to everyone who supports us month after month! We will keep offering scholarships like this one as long as you continue to support us.
Applicants were asked to submit 6 works that represent them as an artist, and write a short essay about why they want to win. We received exactly 200 submissions.
This was seriously one of the hardest events I've ever had to judge. There was just SO much good work. Myself, and five other Artists and Art Directors managed to narrow those 200 applicants down to a sigle individual only after a full week of discussion and LOTS of flip flopping.
The real challenge was that we weren't necessarily looking for the best artist. Instead, we were looking for the best
. Someone who exhibits great ability, but even more potential. Someone who has shown repeated dedication to advancing in the field, and whom we thought would benefit the most from the week-long workshop.
So without further ado, I'm pleased to announce that the winner of a full tuition to the 2017 IMC is...
Carmen Sinek
In the event that our winner can not attend for some reason, we have also selected a Runner-Up.
1st Runner Up:
Alex Dos Diaz
We originally had about a dozen nominees who we discussed at great length before deciding on a single winner. Any one of these people could just as easily (and just as deservingly) have won the scholarship. In fact, literally every one of them was considered as a potential winner at some point. Often times it came down to a single vote, and in many cases these people didn't win because we felt their work was
good, and would likely succeed just fine on their own without our help. Regardless, all of the jurors were heartbroken that we only had one seat to give away as all of these artists are tremendous talents. We would like to make a special note of some of these artists...
Honorable Mentions:
Justin Hernandez
Corinne Reid
Cristi López
Eli Minaya
Cassandre Bolan
Sam Carr
Abigail Platter
Colin Boyer
Once again , thank you to everyone who submitted, and to everyone whose donations made this scholarship possible. We hope you will all continue to strive for excellence, and look forward to seeing everyone's work again next year!


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The Silencer is a costumed vigilante and mercenary for hire with special op's training as an assassin. No one knows the identity of the Silencer because he / she is exomorphic and their body is always undergoing change in regard to their physical characteristics. What is known is that the Silencer was raised and trained by an assassin known as the Cobra. She had been given the assignment of training the child by Dark Op's with no information about his / her background and knew nothing about the childs past. What she did know was that the child was endomorphic, a special classification by Dark Op's for anyone with the ability to alter their physical appearance using changeling abilities.
Until he / she reached puberty, the Cobra didn't know nor care what sex the child was as she had assumed the child was a boy. But, when the child began revealing signs of being a girl, the Cobra paid a bit more attention as her methods of training now had to be altered. But, just as she began to do this, the child seemed to change and again seemed to be a boy forcing the Cobra to learn about the childs anatomy where she discovered that he / she would change from boy to girl and back again. This might have taken her more by surprise if she were not already aware that the childs race and physical features were constantly changing with little ability to control it.
To make it easier, the Silencer identified with being male and began using the name Kennedy Mackenzie (aka Big Mack or Mack) as a gender neutral identity. The codename Silencer was given to the child because the child possessed the ability to create an aura around their body that absorbed or nullified all sound. This also means that the Silencer may or may not be able to speak as no one has ever heard a word because the childs power also affects their own voice. Instead, the Silence uses sign language and became proficient enough to do it in over a dozen different languages and a special code known only to a few. He would also adopt a moral code not to kill unless it made the world a better place or he were left no other alternative.
When the child was old enough and proved capable of surviving on their own, Dark Op's began sending him / her on assignments where Dark op's agents provided backup and assisted but were forbidden to directly interfere in the assignments. It was during his transition into adulthood that the Silencer began to realize that no one could keep track of him. Even his fingerprints and dna were ever-changing so that not even a blood test could be used to track him. This would not come without a price as nerve and muscle pain are constant and slight changes in height creates a more intense pain due to changes in bone mass. Thankfully, this pain is shortlived and he is so well adjusted to coping with it that he can better deal with painful injuries when they happen to him.
Becoming an independent agent operating for Dark Op's only on occasion, the Silencer would remain close to his mentor as the Cobra was the only family he had ever known. Being a mercenary made him a soldier for hire and he would enter the employ of various governments where he recognized a need. It would be this element in his nature which would also lead him to become a costumed vigilante where the chances of being seen were increased. Making himself known to the public in this manner was also a business decision as being a gun for hire meant he might be more of an antihero working for pay, but this was not always the case. The Silencer would take on some jobs in return for a favor owed to him or finding a unique angle to be compensated.
His moral compass is one in which he might even give the victim or victims family the money earned from the job or arrange some other gain on their behalf. Yet, the Silencer isn't just a hired gun alone as he's been trained in espionage and to be a spy using his unique abilities to his advantage. His mind is also a weapon as he has a analytical way of viewing his surroundings and a superb memory so that not even the smallest detail eludes him. When fighting with or against someone possessing a different skillset, he learns from them until he's as good as they are at what they do. This isn't instantaneous but his ability to use his own skills to counter an adversary until he has learned their skills might make it seem this way.
When he assumes a female or transgender form, the Silencer uses seduction and sexual charms as part of his skillset. The Cobra taught him to value this like any other skill and how he could equally use such charms as a male when dealing with women. His sexual orientation is bisexual because he's never really identified as either gender or had a preference in regard to a partner. His changing physical appearance means any relationship he has is brief except for a few people like the Cobra who know and accept him for what he is. As a male, he isn't always as attractive as in his transitional and female forms. This is partly due to the use of makeup but also more because his male hormones take over giving him a more rugged appearance.
Although he seems to be mute, he has mastered the use of body language to convey his thoughts as well as to read the body language of others to perceive what they might be thinking. His use of technology varies as in addition to his weapons, he wears special glasses allowing him to track anyone he has tased. These glasses also use technology to translate what he says visually across them as text and he shares special watches that use the same technology. Using them, he can coordinate with others at a distance while on a mission or communicate with a date having a romantic dinner. However, his analytical abilities allow him to sense if the person he's communicating with has changed even when using a computer.
While he cannot control his race or gender, the Silencer does seem to have some level of control over the age he appears to be. While unable to appear elderly, he can become more youthful or older with a range of being in his early twenties to later forties. His speed and agility are greater than most other humans. His strength too is greater as are his senses. But all of these are still within human levels, it is how he uses them that sets him apart as well as the fact he doesn't need to do anything to gain these enhanced abilities. In fact, a blood transfusion with the Cobra momentarily gave her his abilities which also cured the cancer that had begun eating away at her body and testing determined that when this wore off, she was also twenty years younger.
The realization that his blood could cure disease and reverse aging is known to few but is recorded by Dark Op's in their fact file on him making him a target for those who know. Seeing that he also heals from injuries quickly and sweats poisons from his system has led to others saying he is "death-proof". The Silencer views this more as a joke because everything dies, he's just skilled enough to have avoided and escaped it where others failed. However, it is confirmed that he has been shot in the heart and stabbed in the skull where he only suffered short term memory loss and he even recovered those lost memories. It is believed that this occurs because of his bodies ability to change as this isn't limited to his external appearance.
When not trying to kill, the Silencer uses a dummy bullet which itself does little harm. But, when he fires a gun or throws something, a bit of the aura surrounding him is propelled outward like a microburst. This is capable of rendering someone unconscious as well as momentarily absorbing sound around them when they fall. In fact, he might fight several adversaries without anyone hearing a thing as throwing a punch or kick has the same effect. As an operative of Dark Op's, the Silencer works under the authority of Section 29 and has twice used these abilities to expose rogue agents including the Director of Section 29 himself at one point. Silence may be the golden rule and death the guarantee, but knowing when not to kill and how to make others talk are equally important.


text:
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text:
Made in the USA
American Visions Time, Inc., in association with Thirteen/WNET, PBS
American Visions: The Epic History of Art in America
Robert Hughes's American Visions is the descendant of one of the most successful noncommercial television series ever made, Kenneth Clark's Civilisation, which was produced by the BBC and broadcast here in 1970. In a medium that favors trim, ageless, flawlessly coifed word-machines, Clark was an unlikely star. He had, as it happened, considerable television experience. He had been hosting programs on art for the BBC, some of which were imported to the United States and shown on public television here, since the 1950s. But there was nothing obviously telegenic about him. He seemed a man who was game enough to perch on a rock outside the Parthenon if that was what the script required, but who would feel a good deal more comfortable in front of a lectern, or in an armchair in his study. His appearance was tweedy and donnish; his voice was high-pitched for television; he sometimes gave the impression, before he spoke, of adjusting his dentures. Viewers adored him. At a time when the glory and grandeur of the Western tradition might have seemed the last thing American viewers could be expected to respond to without cynicism, a time when tweeds had been superseded, even among professors, by bell-bottoms, Civilisation was an enormous hit.
Hughes's first multi-part television series was The Shock of the New, broadcast in 1981. Tweedy and donnish is distinctly not the Hughes look, but his show was the perfect pendant to Clark's series, after which it was, quite consciously, modeled. Its subject was modern art, from Paul Cézanne to Frank Stella, and it, too, was a smash. Twenty-six million people watched it, and the book Hughes spun off from the series was a stunning critical performance.
Hughes's take on modern art wasn't any more iconoclastic or revisionist than Clark's take on Western civilization. Revisionism wasn't the point. The point was to make people see what they thought they had already seen but had really only half-seen, or seen through a theoretical or art-historical fog. On page after page, mostly familiar works were described, probed, and evaluated in fresh, pithy, colorful language by a writer whose considerable intelligence and learning were displayed without affectation. Hughes didn't just bring modern art alive; he brought modern criticism alive. For writers trying to find a non-academic critical idiom that was neither dogmatic nor belletristic, his book was a revelation and an inspiration.
That was one reason for the success of Civilisation and The Shock of the New-the assurance that great art was great for good and unembarrassing reasons, reasons that became obvious once people could be persuaded to give their attention to the object in front of them rather than to whatever aesthetic or political prejudices happened to be circulating around them. The other reason was that neither Clark nor Hughes was disposed to make transcendental claims for his subject. Their approach was simple and empirical. Here is this thing-Charlemagne's sword or Duchamp's urinal-that has been proposed for our admiration or delectation. Let's see how much it…
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I might sound happy this morning but I'm actually scared to walk outside of my house sometimes.
Sometimes I'm scared to log onto social media.
I'm nervous to turn on the TV.
Because I never know what kind of anger I might encounter.
Have you seen the video of the S-U-V driver who ran over several motorcyclists and then was chased down, dragged out of the car and beaten in front of his wife and 2-year-old child? That could have been any one of us driving down the street.
Or what about the teenagers who beat to death the 88-year-old veteran just a few weeks ago in Spokane?
Or the young men who shot to death the Australian baseball player in Oklahoma? And on and on.
The question is what is going on with us? Why are we so angry? Why are some Americans so angry?
Why does a minor infraction, like someone cutting you off in traffic or jumping the line in the grocery store, many times escalate into angry words, fist throwing and sometimes even death?
Why is it that when we disagree with a friend, a loved one, a public figure or a commentator; we result to nasty name calling, bashing and threats on Twitter, on Facebook and on blogs?
It's really disgusting and it's frightening.
So, I asked my psychologist friend, Dr. Wendy Walsh and she says it's because of two reasons mainly:
Number 1: Lack of good parenting or like we used to say in the old days, lack of home training.
The doctor says parents who are either absent or who don't actually understand what it means to be parents have fueled this behavior over the last few decades.
I have often said that just because you can have a baby, it doesn't mean you should have one.
And it makes me wonder if we're reaching a point where people ought be licensed to have kids, yes I said that licensed to have kids, or at the very least required to take parenting classes.
Something to think about.
And the second and very important reason the doctor tells me that we're so angry is because, and this relates to what's going on now in the world and Washington, because of the wealth gap in this country.
According to Forbes.com, the top 1 percent of the population control 43 percent of the wealth in America.
Most of our information is controlled by a few brands or just a few companies, the same with health care.
So feeling powerless, many of us unconsciously lash out. And that gets me to those angry people you see in Washington now, arguing with reporters, yelling at each other on TV or on the House and Senate floors.
Many of those people are upset and angry because rather than sharing the wealth, they want to keep the status quo which has served them well, their rich friends well, their supporters well and their family members well.
So, whether Americans realize it at home or not, some of these individual acts are misplaced violence. That's the lower classes rising up in smaller bursts of anger against those with the money and power.
It's sort of like the misplaced anger that people use when they riot or burn down their own neighborhoods after a controversial verdict or court decision. That's why I say America is in desperate need of a psychological makeover, immersion therapy into to self and world awareness about why we act and do what we do.
And just like some parents, those leaders in DC are setting really bad examples for us. All of the gridlock, the anger and the sleight of hand over health care are only making the patient worse.


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Networks never seem to absorb lessons of lineup changes gone bad, NBC most of all, Alessandra Stanley writes. Matt Lauer, the host of NBC's "Today" show, who may be on the way out, was admirably suave onscreen despite reports that NBC may be seeking a new host. Mr. Lauer's problems began with his succession last year, when many viewers blamed him when his co-anchor Ann Curry was clumsily cast aside. The drama is not new. More than 20 years ago, NBC replaced Jane Pauley with the younger Deborah Norville; that "Today" show shakeup became a founding fiasco of morning television, and Ms. Norville's career never recovered.
Barbara Walters, the host of the ABC daytime program "The View," whose television career has lasted more than 50 years, will retire in 2014, Bill Carter reports. An executive familiar with Ms. Walters's plans said she would announce her decision this May and that the following year would include a number of retrospectives and specials about her career. Ms. Walters's health became a national story this year after she suffered a concussion in Washington and developed an infection that turned out to be chicken pox.
Jeffrey Zucker, the new head of CNN, announced Thursday that he would pair Christopher Cuomo, a former ABC anchor he hired in May, with a young Washington correspondent named Kate Bolduan to host a new morning show, Brian Stelter writes. The show will premier in late spring and will replace "Starting Point," which is hosted by Soledad O'Brien and has done poorly in the ratings.
FX Networks announced that it would add a third channel to its lineup and step up its commitment to original scripted series at an upfront presentation on Thursday, Stuart Elliott writes. The new cable channel, FXX, will be aimed at viewers ages 18 to 34 and will coincide with FX's introduction of TV everywhere, industry shorthand for technology that lets paying viewers stream content on devices at any time.
Amazon.com, the dominant online bookseller, said on Thursday that it would buy Goodreads, the most visited social media site based around sharing books, Leslie Kaufman reports. Internet sites have become critical places for telling readers about interesting books as bookstores close. The companies did not disclose a purchase price or conditions of the sale, which will close in the next quarter.
Madison Avenue and the automotive industry are fretting over ways to attract millennials to cars and car culture, Stuart Elliott reports. Younger people are buying fewer cars, whether because of shaky finances or lack of interest. Manufacturers like Toyota, which is adding content like music to a new Web site for its Scion brand and beginning to advertise in Teen Vogue, are trying appeal to them.
The third season of "Game of Thrones," the HBO adaptation of George R. R. Martin's "Song of Ice and Fire" novels, begins with a satisfying slaughter but then falls into a familiar pattern of bursts of action interspersed with lengthening periods of dialogue, Mike Hale writes. Though the intricate fantasy is certainly enjoyable, claims that it is the best show on television may be overblown.
Bob Teague, who joined WNBC-TV in 1963 as one of the city's first black journalists and worked in various roles in TV news for more than three decades, died on Thursday in New Brunswick, N.J., at 83, Douglas Martin reports.


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almonds, butter, Candy, chocolate, English toffee, patent and the pantry, recipe, sugar, toffee
Candy making kind of scares me.
Thread stage, soft ball, hard crack. It just all sounds like it could go horribly wrong with little or no notice. And the thought of burnt sugar (or, perhaps, more importantly, trying to clean up burnt sugar) is enough to put me completely off the idea entirely.
But when I went home at Christmas (and yes, that's how long I've procrastinated on this post. I have no idea why.), my mum and I thought this would be a good afternoon project. Considering about three feet of snow was surrounding the house and even the four-wheel-drive SUV was having a hard time making it up the narrow gravel road, staying in to do some baking and candymaking seemed like a grand plan. Not to mention the newly renovated kitchen was ideal for photos. Hello natural light!
We're both big fans of English Toffee, even though I'm generally not a huge fan of almonds. My mum is more of a connoisseur than me, though; she can judge good toffee from bad. So, it was entertaining to think we could have a go at making our own.
It was great to cook with someone else. Since I have no tripod, my photos tend to be very static. Just too tricky to try to pour or stir and shoot at the same time. Not to mention that my cave-like kitchen is terrible when it comes to lighting. I actually take things out of my kitchen and shoot them by the window to get the best light. So, I took full advantage of having another pair of hands.
Also, frankly, I wasn't going to attempt this recipe without having someone there who has some expertise.
But this has made me feel that I could attempt candy again in the future.
It's essentially a waiting (and stirring) game. Keeping an eye on the temperature and watching as two basic ingredients transform themselves into something completely different. I liked the molten lava look of the toffee as it grew closer to being ready and then how it changed again when it was poured into the sheet pan, taking on an almost stained glass type look: coloured and glossy and flat.
Mostly, though, what I enjoyed was a chance to hang out, catch up and just spend time together. I only get back to Vancouver once or twice a year and I'm usually rushing around to see old friends and poke around some of my favourite stores.
The giant piles of snow that continued to fall almost the entire time I was there over the Christmas holidays were a blessing, in the end. There was no reason to rush off on errands or to visit. Instead, we had the perfect excuse to stay in and just spend time in the kitchen, bonding over a bubbling pot of sugar and butter.
English Toffee
- 3 cups salted butter (1.5 pounds)
- 3 cups sugar
- 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 3 cups roasted, unsalted almonds crushed
In a heavy bottom stock pot, start to melt the butter, adding the sugar after it has started to melt. Stir to emulsify the mixture, then add the candy thermometer, making sure there is enough of a gap between it and the bottom of the pot. (A wooden spoon should just be able to sweep underneath it.) Keep stirring the mixture. As it gets hotter, the mixture will thicken and start to darken. Keep cooking until the mixture reaches 294 degrees F. Caution, the temperature will climb quickly through the final 20 degrees.
Let the mixture cool slightly and then pour into a 13×18″ pan. Let cool for about 10 minutes, then sprinkle on the chocolate chips. The heat of the toffee should be enough to melt the chocolate. It didn't for us, so we threw it in the oven (warm from roasting the almonds) for a minute or two until it was spreadable and then used a spatula to get the chocolate covering the toffee.
Sprinkle on chopped nuts and press into chocolate.
After it has cooled to room temperature, put another pan of the same size over the toffee and invert. It should pop right out.
We used a meat mallet to break it into manageable pieces.


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I haven't ride one yet I will soon since I was one of the winners of the wing wind contest for the rapture II and i'm tham eager to try it.
I do believe that kite's future is defenitly conected to the bow style or something that will be develop from that whithout desregarding the C shape that I also believe that will remain untill the end of our days - diferent ways diferent styles and what a hell just enjoy the ride in the end of the day i'll be just happier.
(pardon my english.