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Please excuse the novel here... I tend to try to explain myself so clearly that I go overboard, so sorry about that. Also, sorry if this is in the wrong category; I wasn't sure where to put it.
I grew up in a pentecostal Christian household, Assemblies of God to be exact (extremely evangelical believe-every-word-in-the-Bible-exactly group, for those who aren't familiar with it). I remember being told things specifically like "You don't have a conscience; that's the Holy Spirit telling you you're sinning." I remember thinking, "Yeah, because I'm incapable of figuring out when I'm doing something wrong on my own... Riiight."
I knew what hell and demons and Satan were even in early elementary school. I have vague memories of speaking with my school guidance counselor about a ("real," as in not from a movie or a show but documentary style) exorcism I had witnessed. I remember being told horror stories from a youth leader about her experience with demons, which included physical assault on her. I still fear the idea of hell and I've always had a very strong fear of demons (which hasn't gone away).
Anyway, during my journey away from religion entirely I began to be confused by my own thoughts. When I no longer really believed that a God existed and I wondered, "What if I'm wrong? What if I go to hell because of this?" I've had a lot of fear even about just coming to terms with even using the word "agnostic" to describe myself.
Something similar is when I think of things like the fact that I'm going to make sure I have a wedding ceremony with absolutely no mention of God or religion of any sort, something in my head sort of mocks me by saying, "You're just trying to be difficult and defiant." I know that's not true; why would I risk eternity in hell if I really thought it existed? I don't know what that voice is though, or where it's coming from.
Those thoughts aren't always in the front of my mind by they are, and I just keep wondering if they're "God is trying to tell me I'm wrong" or if it's a totally normal human response because leaving a religion can be a scary experience on its own and my brain just needs to relearn things.
I'm not sure if anyone else has this problem, but in a way I'm hoping so because maybe someone could help me understand my "own" thoughts/why I'm having them. Is it normal? I don't really even know if this will make sense to anyone else.
Views: 1132
It's completely normal. You've gone through extensive behavioral conditioning. It takes some time to grow out of it. I'll refer you to a website. Living After Faith: http://livingafterfaith.blogspot.de/ Episode 48 is with a man named Jerry DeWitt who was a Pentacostal preacher. It's kinda in the same vein of church you were in. I mention it not just because it's a good story, but he mentions that sometimes he still wants to speak in tongues and raise his hands when he feels moved. This is a man who was a speaker at the American Atheist Convention and still he has to deal with these urges from in his past.
I still do silly things like: if something isn't going my way, the dim thought will creep up that maybe god doesn't want me to do this. It's BS, but it's who I was and that's the only reason that it pops back up. It's the way I used to think. For a time while I still considered myself agnostic, I'd still think "thank god" for silly things. I didn't get angry at myself. I simply used it as a chance to ask, "who was really responsible?" I don't even think it anymore at all now. You train yourself out of it.
Don't worry. All it is is years and years of people telling you how you should act and think. Eventually, it goes away.
@ Dizzieduckie - I'm sorry. I think you read my post before I did my edit. I meant to say some of the people who struggle don't post much, and I only say that because I have consistent contact with a few people like this, and they rarely post and in some cases never have.
Many do post about their struggles. I have seen it a lot here at Think Atheist. It is a common subject for threads. I'm sure you will get plenty of responses about this on this thread. Oh, also welcome to Think Atheist lol.
There are many people who used to be religious and decided to no longer believe in God, but still struggle. I have seen many of them posting on atheist forums, and I have had some consistent contact with a few of them. Some read the forums but don't post. They can have immense struggles and sometimes question their decision to leave their faith, even when they are familiar with the strong arguments against believing in God and agree with the these arguments.
I went through this also though it was 30 years ago and my time of struggle was a short one, comparatively speaking, (about a year or two), and I am grateful for that.
What you are experiencing is the residual effect of indoctrination. It can vary in severity and I understand how you can become upset as a result of not feeling like you can cut the cord in in a final glorious, once and for all snip.
Different things happen for different people when it comes to relinquishing their faith completely. Personally, I realized that a god that loves his creations would never create them in the first place if they were going to be subjected to the kinds of suffering I witness as I journey through life.
I realize there are people of faith who feel intense suffering is worth the eternal party they believe is promised to them in the after-life. All I can say to them is I don't understand how they can look into the eyes of a child in immense pain, from cancer, for instance, and still believe in a loving god.
Even Richard Dawkins has admitted to the occasional "but what if I am wrong?" horrified thought before he shakes his head and moves on. The conditioning runs deep.
I still have those nagging thoughts here and there, too. My mind is trying to get past what it once thought was true to accept what it now knows is true. I think it's normal, and I figure it takes some time to get used to a new way of approaching things.
I'm kind of closeted, too. My mother is very religious, and if she were to know that I've turned my back on God and religion, she would have a heart attack!
Actually, I noticed you mentioned your fiance is formally from a Jehovah's Witness background (you mentioned their prime piece of literature, the Watchtower). That's the background I come from and what my mother is still involved with. Personally, of all the religions I ever looked into, that one made more logical sense than any of the others, but it doesn't make it right, either. So, whatever he may be dealing with, I certainly can relate to it.
No problem, hon!
I wish both you and your fiance the best. :)
Hi dizzyduckie, I didn't see this post until now but wanted to share for support with what you're going through. We have had similar upbringings and experiences it sounds like. What you're saying makes *complete* sense. Saying this after writing out my post, sorry in advance for the length.
When I was young, I remember internally questioning a lot of the things I heard from my parents and their religious social circle. I remember distinctly having doubting thoughts as early as 6. Even though I was in highly religious circles until my mid twenties, I never regarded myself as highly religious. I feel that with the thoughts I had even as a child, I probably just wasn't wired to swallow religious ideas at face value 100%. However I did my best to try. It does have a serious effect on you, even if there is an internal struggle the entire time.
As for social aspects, my parents and my entire extended family are extremely religious (with the exception of some of my relatives that live in New York). And of course I grew up in a highly religious social environment. With meetings, services, picnics etc.
And so I feel for you feeling isolated. Don't let it get to you. And I say that knowing quite what you mean and feel. I've dealt with the same problems. Socially and internally. It's something I have dealt with for years in varying degrees.
To explain further, in my mid-twenties I permanently abandoned religion socially. I stopped going to church, and began a period of time, which I'm still not entirely over at 32 years old, of feeling somewhat isolated. Honestly I didn't take the time to sort everything out internally until a few years ago. I was certainly agnostic, but mainly in an apathetic way. So I was like a fish out of water until then, of sorts.
This all changed when I went on vacation with my then girlfriend and stayed for a few weeks at her mom's beach house. I had a lot of time to just relax and started poking around her library of books she let me look through. I began reading quite a few books while I was there and it became a critical point of my life, like my own personal Galapagos Island experience. I read many books from Dawkins, Shermer, and Hitchens.
Suddenly so many lights turned on my head. Not that they were off to begin with, but just not all the way on. However it was in many a ways a shock to my system. So many thought patterns that had been on autopilot in my mind suddenly made no sense. It was a rush, almost in a scary way, of different ways of looking at literally everything.
I distinctly remember for example looking at people around me and realizing, after conscientiously accepting evolution after intense honest study of it, that we weren't special progeny of some divine being and rather evolved primates. I swear to you that for a brief time (about a day or two) that people looked bizarrely different to me, like I was in the movie Planet of the Apes. I can't explain this exactly.
But the point is that the difference between the though patterns of someone religious, say a Christian, and someone who is not, viz. an Atheist, are so fundamentally and radically different, and they run so deeply, that it's no surprise you're feeling the way you do. And after going through this, I can tell you it just takes time. For a good while, I would encounter a situation that would trigger a thought process in the way I used to believe, and suddenly think, "Wow, that is completely invalid." They can pop up regularly over time, but slowly your mind changes. This sort of thing doesn't really happen to me anymore, but it's taken a few years of just time and experience.
I can relate to your fear of demons as well. When I used to believe they were real, I would have night terrors on a regular basis. I would lie awake in my bedroom and be expecting that any second one would physically appear, or I would just lay there in sheer terror. Not thinking of them even, but really feeling complete irrational fear, like a presence of fear in my room. All due to religion. Since I have consciously rejected the belief of these, I have not once since experienced this at all, even as an afterthought. Christians may say, "Well Satan has you now, he has no need to scare you." Don't let these self looping mental prisons distract you.
And on that note, getting back to the social realm, it also has a huge impact. Especially when leaving a religion, but not quite refortifying your mind with a solid foundation of reality. I was there, and it was a tough time period to be in. All I can say is it's good these thoughts are dropping off. And over time, as you educate yourself concerning, for example, discussions with other people about religion, you'll be more confident addressing it. After my epiphany I avoided talking to my mother for some time, and it hurt, because I adore my mother and we have always been close. Once I felt comfortable enough to just explain to her how I felt and my thoughts, I did so and it was freeing because I felt reconnected to her and she was obviously upset but accepting as well.
By the way, don't feel discouraged if you don't feel equipped enough to address your conclusions with people around you. I don't know if you do, but just remember that just because you don't know something concretely or understand it confidently doesn't automatically mean the religious person is right. It's a common tactic with religious to exploit an argument by inferring they are right because they can make de-facto statements without thinking. You don't have to know thoroughly why you are correct to know they are clearly wrong.
Anyway, sorry for the ridiculously long post, I just sincerely hope that my sharing is an encouragement to you. Feel free to message me or discuss more in your post. It's refreshing for me to see when anyone can relate to what I have been through as well.
Wow, Cliff Notes please. LOL I'm kidding of course, most of your posts I've seen I relate to on a lot of levels.
I've thought about coming out to my family in a "testimony" style. Something like when I was 4 and being baptized I had no idea what was going on. I remember thinking, why do I have to do this, is there something in the water? When I was 8 I remember wondering how the hell dinosaurs could have been alive with mankind. Noahs ark had every animal? How did he feed them? There's always apologist propaganda like that footprint in the dinosaur footprint thing. How could stars come into play with them being billions of years old how come they weren't considered "the light" spoken about in the bible. On and on all the clues along the way I noticed and then folded them up neatly and put them in the back of the mind closet.
If I had just taken an extra step and started reading about the time that bible was written I probably would have realized so much sooner. Instead my dumbass went on 35 years, probably closer to 25 but it took a LONG time for me to address god on a logical level and mostly just regurgitated misquoted scripture and stuff I learned growing up rather than investigate whether or not it was real. All better now though. Thanks for sharing Dennis that was some good reading for me.
Haha yeah I didn't want to unleash a Reply of Doom here. I really try to keep them to a minimum.
And I know what you mean. I feel like I wasted so many years, and with poor decisions along the way. I don't regret it, but it would have been nice to have the opportunity to have material out there today to learn from and, like you, wish I had sort things out much earlier in my life.
@ dizzyduckie: You're fortunate to be where you are, at your point in life. This may be some encouragement to you as well.
Well, when I was a kid, my parents went to a Presbyterian church. It was so dry and boring. And my extended family are hardcore fundamentalist Calvinists and I went to their cult church as well. Watching paint dry was sheer excitement compared. So in one sense, that is quite different than an experience in a Pentecostal environment. In another, it's all insanity. :-P Anyway, when I was older, I went to a Charismatic Episcopal church. It was much more like a Pentecostal church, with speaking in tongues and faith healings etc. No snake handling or quite to that level.
About your wishlist: GO FOR IT. I can't tell you how much it helps with the thoughts etc. to replenish your mind with solidifying truths. To share just a few of the things I read or watched: Dawkins (The Greatest Show on Earth, The God Delusion), Hitchens (God is Not Great, The Portable Atheist which was compiled by him), Sam Harris (mostly watched lectures and debates), Bart Ehrman (all of his books on textual criticism are great), and then any debates and lectures you can find on youtube. Youtube has a lot of stupid junk, but if you follow some of the well known authors and debaters, it's good for reinforcing your thought processes.You may even find you disagree with some things or points with all of this material. I certainly do. But that is for you to discern for yourself and yourself alone. And THAT is the key. But don't ever stop re-questioning.
Jerry Coyne's book "Why Evolution Is True" is a great book about evolution as well. He also has a site by the same name. Awesome site. onegoodmove.org is another site, but I'm not sure if the author blogs as much anymore.
All of this is really the tip of the iceberg of things I think you might enjoy, from my little experience. Even all this is just for starters, and I can easily produce tons of other things you may find informative, as many others can on this site also.
The main point is that the more you piece everything together, the more the thoughts you struggle with will turn more and more into the ridiculous. Everything I have searched out... well, as you do too, you'll begin to see how ridonculous those programmed hesitations are for yourself on your own terms. I can't stress how much clarity, as much as you may feel now, you will have gaining a comprehensive understanding of your conclusions. It turns into a mountain and it makes the alternative seem all the much more petty and insane.
Don't forget, the bible *just by itself* is plenty.
Sorry again for the length. Just want to help as much as I can.
There's a lot of people in your position, more than I've even met on 4 forums, 8 podcasts, 200 twitter friends and growing. Your brain is just trying to rebuild the foundation of your mind that was shoved out when you realized there was no god. Reading books has helped me to rebuild that, reading the forums is probably the single most therapeutic thing you can do - matter of fact I bet after reading the responses above mine you are already starting to feel better about it.
I'm going through some of the same feelings and as you read through the new member section you'll get a kick out of seeing that you are completely normal. I'm just glad that you get to think rationally now, sans the creepy dogma stuff you're going to be fine and those thoughts will start to fade or you'll be in a better place to handle them after time. Welcome aboard!


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Alumni Society Honors 2013 Award Recipients
UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. - The College of Education Alumni Society proudly announces its 2013 award winners. All recipients are alumni of Penn State's College of Education and have distinguished themselves in their careers, as well as in the field of education.
Excellence in Education Award
Dr. George Santiago, Jr. '94 Ph.D., '86 M.Ed.
Outstanding Teaching Award
Leadership & Service Award
Outstanding New Graduate Award
Outstanding Student Teaching Awards
Fall 2012
Max Besong (Secondary) '12 Sec Ed
Nicole Birkbek (Elementary) '12 E K Ed
Spring 2013
Eleanor Graham Savage (Secondary) '13 Sec Ed
Kasey Phillips (Elementary) '13 E K Ed
Excellence in Education Award
George Santiago Jr. '94 Ph.D., '86 M.Ed.
Dr. George Santiago, Jr., president of Briarcliff College, received the Excellence in Education award at the Penn State College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Santiago was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Santiago received both his doctorate and masters of education in educational administration from Penn State in 1994 and 1986, respectively. Prior to his Penn State experience he received his Bachelor of Arts degree from Rutgers University, where he majored in geography and Spanish in 1983.
Currently, Santiago serves as the fourth president of Briarcliff College, in Bethpage, N.Y. Previously, his experience has been in teaching, research and administration in both the public and private sector. Santiago is an active member of numerous professional organizations with multiple presentations and publications to his credit. His community involvement has garnered substantial honors including the Long Island Hispanic Chamber of Commerce Educator of the Year award, Hempstead Hispanic Civic Association's Pioneer in Education award, the Long Island GLBT Network Services Leadership in Support of Equality award, Boy Scouts' Theodore Roosevelt Council Community Leadership award and the Girl Scouts Character award.
Santiago has spent his career championing the cause of underrepresented populations and advocating for policies that increase access to higher education. His leadership to educate the college community has led to an unprecedented partnership with community-based organizations that not only give priority to education and the less fortunate, but promote George's vision of advocacy for human rights and human dignity. Additionally, his accomplishments at Briarcliffe College include greater access to education by underrepresented student populations, the adoption of the Collegiate Learning experience into the curriculum, the expansion of new degree programs that reflect New York State market needs, the introduction of a third campus in Long Island City, Queens, the launch of a major re-branding campaign, expanded the mission of the college to include health-related degree programs, creation of a $1.85M dental hygiene clinic and strengthening the role of athletics within the life of the college including five national championships in men's baseball and men's soccer.
"Dr. Santiago has devoted his career to the support of higher education and community-based networks to advocate for educational access and economic change," said Kathy Genua, Briarcliffe's vice president of Student Affairs. " His loyalty is unswerving and his integrity is of the highest level of magnitude. Dr. Santiago has that rarest of qualities know as style."
Outstanding Teaching Award
Karen Drosinos '98 E K Ed
Karen Drosinos received the Outstanding Teaching award at Penn State University's College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Drosinos was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Drosinos is a 1998 graduate of Penn State with a bachelor of science degree in elementary and kindergarten education. She also received a master of arts in curriculum and instruction from the University of Maryland in 2006. Drosinos received her National Board Certification in Early Childhood Education in 2011. This year marks her 16th year teaching kindergarten.
Drosinos's teaching style is described as mesmerizing and awe-inspiring as she focuses on each and every student in an atmosphere of joyous exploration — a teacher whose disciplined teaching is guised as play.
Her students are engaged in learning adventures suited to their individual modalities and academic and social needs all while ensuring that the shared lessons are thematic and integrated with both the curriculum and school system's strategic plan.
She serves as lead mentor conducting sessions that encompass a variety of topics designed to help new teachers and mentors work collaboratively. Videos of her classroom style of teaching have even been added to the school division's professional development libraries, enabling teachers across the division to observe a model for effective strategies that advance student learning.
Highly regarded in her field, it's no wonder that Drosinos was not only named the 2010 Reading Teacher of the Year, but subsequently named the 2011 Citywide Teacher of the Year by the Virginia Beach City Public Schools. She also received the 2011 Virginia Regional Teacher of the Year by the Virginia State Department of Education. This past May, Drosinos was selected by the Virginia Lottery as its 2013 "Super Teacher."
"Mrs. Drosinos is the epitome of what Dr. Fred Jones refers to in his book 'Tools for Teaching' as a 'natural' teacher," said Pembroke Elementary school principal Dr. Linda Hayes. "In a seemingly effortless manner, she creates a magical learning environment for her students. One can't help but feel they have stepped into a wonderland full of knowledge and opportunity."
Leadership & Service Award
Lawrence Mussoline '98 Ph.D.
Lawrence Mussoline received the Leadership & Service award at Penn State University's College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Mussoline was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Mussoline received a Ph.D. in educational administration from Penn State in 1998. Mussoline's 1983 masters of education in educational administration is from Shippensburg University and he received a 1979 bachelor of science degree from Bloomsburg University in secondary education in comprehensive social studies.
Mussoline has served as teacher, assistant principal, principal and superintendent in two school districts. Currently, he serves as superintendent of the Downingtown Area School District.
He is active with several professional organizations, including the Pennsylvania Department of Education, where he serves as a facilitator of the Pennsylvania Inspired Leadership program for early career school administrators. He has served on the governing boards of Pennsylvania ASCD, Lehigh University Study Council, Penn State Great Valley Advisory Council, Penn State's Education Outreach Advisory Board and the Board of Governers of the Pennsylvania Association of School Administrators. Additionally, Mussoline remains active as a senior lecturer at Wilkes College, Temple and Drexel Universities.
Under Mussoline's leadership, Downingtown saw the creation of the first Science, Technology, Engineering and Math (STEM) Academy in the country with an International Baccalaureate curriculum. In only its second year, the STEM Academy has received worldwide recognition.
"Dr. Mussoline's is a multi-dimensional educator who see the importance of creating a well-articulated vision," said Director of Pupil Service Dr. Karen Zerr. "His primary focus has been, and to this day remains: serving all the stakeholders of the community he serves. He is truly an exemplary leader who continually strives to model the practice that we can always do better."
Outstanding New Graduate Award
Henry Laboranti '10 Sec Ed.
Henry Michael Laboranti received the Outstanding New Graduate award at Penn State University's College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Mussoline was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Laboranti graduated in 2010 with a bachelor of science degree in secondary education with a minor in history.
Laboranti began his career at Lackawanna College in Towanda, Pa., as a part-time advisor, building a strong relationship with his advisees. Shortly thereafter, Tropical Storm Lee ravaged the town and campus with five feet of flood waters. Not only did the students not have a classroom, but all files and materials were destroyed. After being relocated to a smaller building, Laboranti was instrumental in keeping the students committed to Lackawanna College and he rallied the students to make their space an uplifting environment in which to learn despite all they had lost.
Upon promotion to enrollment specialist, Laboranti continued to have an impact on his students. He revamped the student council and engaged them in projects that provided Christmas presents for less fortunate children and raised funds for student scholarships. Laboranti demonstrated his commitment to Lackawanna's mission of aiding military veterans by guiding efforts to raise funds to sponsor a brick to be placed at the 9/11 memorial and to send a wounded veteran to the Super Bowl.
Dr. Jill Murray, Lackawanna's executive vice president and CAO says of Laboranti, "I continue to be impressed with Henry. He is an amazing enrollment specialist, advocate and teacher as well as an important and valued part of our college family. Penn State is fortunate to call him an alum."
Outstanding Student Teaching Awards
Fall 2012
Max Besong (Secondary) '12 Sec Ed
Max Besong, middle school math teacher at his alma mater, Bald Eagle Area High School, received the Fall 2012 Outstanding Student Teaching award at Penn State University's College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Besong was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Besong received a bachelor of science degree in secondary education mathematics in 2012.
During his student teaching practicum in the Bellefonte Area School District, Besong's organizational skills and a high level of motivation set the standard for teaching AP Statistics, Algebra 2, Honors Algebra and the Algebra 1 curriculum. Employing sound, research-based instructional strategies, he provided his students with step-by-step guides that made it easy for them to share their work with others. Besong utilized every effort to ensure his students' success. One struggling student was encouraged to excel at his assessment tests by placing a soccer ball at his feet for motivation. Ever attentive to the needs of his class, Besong prefaced the more challenging aspects of math with advice that helped students avoid potentially discouraging aspects.
As a volunteer for the high school's summer band camp, the students were inspired by Besong, who as a Blue Band member, combined his love of music and technology to create a gaming app called "Fight on State." The application not only allows the gamer to help a drum major avoid pitfalls and collect points, but also encourages online contributions to THON.
"With a professional rapport based on honesty, humor and respect, Max strives to connect learning with real life scenarios or interests familiar to his students," said student teaching supervisor Hazel Stryker. "He exhibits an encouraging manner to ensure his learners reach their fullest potential."
Nicole Birkbeck (Elementary) '12 E K Ed
Nicole Birkbeck received the Fall 2012 Outstanding Student Teaching award at Penn State University's College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Birkbeck was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Birkbeck received a bachelor of science degree in elementary and kindergarten education in 2012.
Birkbeck's student teaching experience took place in a third grade classroom at the Jamison Elementary school in the Central Bucks School District. By preparing lessons that were actively engaging and designed to appeal to multiple intelligences, Birkbeck established a supportive, safe and enthusiastic environment that encouraged her students to take intellectual risks. Using strategies appropriate for her third grade class, she created an original unit on voting to help the students learn about the election process. Her students learned how to pay taxes by using Skittles, and to demonstrate travel, she put on a pilot's hat as they virtually visited various landmarks around the United States.
Birkbeck frequently used technology to enhance her student's learning experience. By collecting video clips from popular children's shows that involved television characters participating in various forms of public participation, she was able to teach her students about having a voice in their own community. With videos, TV and computers being a major component in children's lives, Birkbeck used this element to explain concepts and make connections to everyday life outside of the classroom.
"Children do not miss 'OK teachers,' they miss 'outstanding teachers.' Miss Birkbeck cares to make a difference in the lives of each and every child by making learning fun and interesting," said Natalie Lucca, a parent of one of Birkbeck's students. "When a teacher has that gift, it is the kind of gift that keeps on giving. As a parent, all I can say is simply this: 'If only you could see what I have seen, you would be amazed.'"
Birkbeck is currently perusing a full time elementary teaching position in the Bucks County area. She continues to gather more experience by substituting in three school districts: Central Bucks, Council Rock and Pennsbury. Birkbeck is eagerly waiting to have her own classroom where she can continue to share her love of learning and making a difference in the lives of children.
Spring 2013
Eleanor Graham Savage (Secondary) '13 Sec Ed
Eleanor Graham Savage received the Spring 2013 Outstanding Student Teaching award at Penn State University's College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Birkbeck was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Savage doubled majored with a bachelor of science degree in secondary biology in the College of Education and a B.S. in biology from the Eberly College of Science.
Savage did her pre-service and student teaching at the Moshannon Valley High School in Houtzdale, Pa., teaching 10th through 12th grade biology, biotechnoloy, and advanced biology classes. She also planned and delivered instruction to her students that were in alignment with Pennsylvania Academic Standards as they prepared for the first offering of the Spring Keystone Biology Exams.
Savage proved to be a highly dedicated and responsible teacher, adapting easily to expected events. During the last month of student teaching, Savage's mentor was abruptly absent. She quickly met the challenge head on and turned the balance of the semester into a successful transition for her students. One lesson in food science demonstrated the effects of proteins, cooling, exoethermic reactions, and yeast fermentation by making homemade ice cream and root beer. The lesson catered to what students found interesting, and the students had a great time consuming their creations.
Savage was very visible within the school community. She accompanied the National Honor Society on a trip to New York, taught trombone lessons, and planned a field trip for her students to visit the Penn State Forensics Department. Savage has taken a long-term substitute teaching position in biology at Moshannon Valley while her former mentor teacher is on sabbatical.
Savage's student teaching supervisor, Thomas Musselman, notes, "Eleanor has approached teaching with maturity, enthusiasm, and demonstrated sound knowledge and effective use of lesson planning concepts. She has consistently displayed all the qualities and attributes required of a successful educator."
Kasey Phillips (Elementary) '13 E K Ed
Kasey Phillips received the Spring 2013 Outstanding Student Teaching award at Penn State University's College of Education Alumni Society Awards Banquet. Phillips was honored with other award recipients at a ceremony held on Oct. 25.
Phillips received a bachelor of science degree in elementary and kindergarten education in 2013.
Phillips had a linked placement in the Bellefonte Elementary School's kindergarten classroom. Bringing with her the experience of having served with America Reads with previous placements in two elementary schools and a day care center, Phillips effectively dealt with behavioral issues, classroom work and multiple interpersonal issues with an instinctive understanding of children. She related lessons that captivated her students, such as the development of a unit on animals that integrated stories, projects and technology, which made her classroom a place of excitement and celebration of the learning experience.
She participated in school-wide activities such as the Million Penny Drive, Winter Carnival, Mini-Thon, Family Math Night and Count Down to Kindergarten. She also volunteered to tutor students who were struggling with math.
"Miss Phillips has a wonderful ability to create a student-centered environment that is conducive to productive learning. It is through her obvious love and enthusiasm with the children, that she loves to teach," a parent wrote. "As she finishes her student teaching experience and heads into her own classroom, she will be remembered as a unique young woman who successfully introduced to the joys of kindergarten to her class."

subset: commoncrawl


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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
My first lup sup bar
I remember the first one I went to in JB with my army buddies. We got long weekend so we happy like fuck can go out on Friday late late. The bar was somewhere near Taman Sentosa or something. Even Malaysia also got Sentosa. But their Sentosa don't have Merlion, the stupid vomiting lion fish.
When I reach the very dark lup sup bar, I kena push in by the bouncers who say come in, come in! our beer very cheap and we got mei nu. So I go inside, inside got a lot of curtains, turn here turn there, then come to one place got sofa and table and a tv. The Malaysia tv was showing Singapore show.
Finally the beer come, and I wait damn long, think maybe kena sabo, ba long long, then maybe will kena robbed.
Suddenly, got six or seven lau auntie come in wearing kimono and then sit between all the guys. They all laughing and giggle and try to act cute. Nabei Malaysia got Japanese mei nu who fucking believe?
And these old auntie also don't look like those Seiko or Akina kind of Japanese pop star girl. Look more like Seiko and Akina mother. Some even look like Seiko and Akina grandmother.
Then more worse thing happen.
The lau aunties take off their kimono and we can see their lau neh neh.
I nearly vomit out my beer man. Got some beer come out of my nose. The cheebye beer already taste like those add water kind (the bouncer say their beer cheap, now I know they mean the taste cheap). I see the auntie tng sar, I lagi feel like I want to report sick take MC from this bar.
I want to run away also cannot, because I shocked until frozen. My fingers grab the sofa cloth. Even my horse also shrink. But because it is so big, it also dunno where to hide.
The kan see lang pai kwa aunties put our hands on their neh neh, and serve us the beer-water and light our cigarettes and tap our ash. The whole time we no need to use our hands.
The lau aunties keep using our hands to rub their lau neh neh. I think they want us to feel sexy, but all I feel is their neh neh is a bit like the Chinese New Year orange leave too long outside the fridge kind of feeling.
So we finished the beer quickly, and we want to go already. The aunties ask us for xiao fei. Cheebye lah, this kind of fucked up standard also they dare to ask for tips.
But at this time the singapore $2 note just come out, and is red colour one. So we give them those. The lau aunties think it is the $10 note, so all very happy. Also it was a bit dark, and cannot see properly it is 2 not 10.
Only that bodoh Lawrence stupid, he really give $10 note and give more than one.
Outside the bar, he quite excited and asked us how much we spend on the tips. We said $4 each.
He said KNNBCCB!!! I gave them $40! Singapore dollar somemore!!!
The rest of the month he have to eat cookhouse, no money go canteen. Lawrence even last time also this kind of blur fuck. Dunno how he survive his NS man. Must be kena blanket a lot one, he this kind of blur sotong.
Now things so expensive, not like we army that time. No more cheap pooky.
$40 in Singapore nowadays can only buy two drink in a Singapore lup sup bar, I think. Just like our ministers, the lup sup bar girl salary also go up. And the girls nowadays in the lup sup bar more hiong, so I don't really like not go anymore. Got many overseas talent also. The bouncer sometimes say they have Eurasian girls, but is bluff people one, is actually Filipino auntie, and the Malaysia girls they say they have is really from China pei du mama.
Got two times I go with the cheebye chiongster Lawrence, one time in the lup sup bar, one time in the KTV. The same thing, the lau auntie make me touch her neneh, and plus she try to unzip my pants. Then she ask me why dowan.
I tell her, I want also my horse dowan.
112 comments:
Damn i'm addicted to ur blog
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 6:59:00 PM
- jyh said...
that really makes me laugh like hell. But are you sure u touched those?
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 6:59:00 PM
- xialanxue said...
no more politics bashing?
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 7:16:00 PM
- Chang said...
Tell You Rockson.
Go Geylang Lorong 7 There.
Go BS.
BS Is Bery Song.
There Got Chio Bu One. China Ones
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 7:25:00 PM
Dear Rockson
Come come to papa.. i promise to treat u better den those Seiko grandmother.
Papa Gay
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 7:51:00 PM
- sÞ¡ηηєє said...
Why never take ang pow? Since they look like grandma and felt like Chinese mandarin to u... rofl.. maybe say "Gong Xi Fa Cai" u get $4 in return!! hahahah good one Rockson :)
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 8:03:00 PM
- Deth said...
NS time can go JB meh?
u bluff who?
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 8:52:00 PM
- sun said...
1st grade china chio bu now high class liao always wnt to be bao by rich dirty old man .. then got gold house to hide inside mah...
2nd grade china a bit chio bu now be ma-ssage(dnt know how to spell) girls that type got curtains all over n called long men ke zhan type
3rd grade china not so chio bu will go out with married supervisor hoping for a stable life and kena chopped
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 8:55:00 PM
I dun think he said he went during army leh.
He said he went with his army buddies.
Didn't he mention his fren, Lawrence, how he finish his NS ?
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 9:03:00 PM
Last time NSF can in and out of West Malaysia with a blue passport lah. Don't know don't come here and talk cock.
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 9:15:00 PM
ehh why ns cannot go JB siaz? my jc frens who r in NS also everytime go 1...nth surprising mah. btw, i love reading ur blog! ur description of the lup sup bar is so wudi funny.
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 9:15:00 PM
Last time NSF can in and out of West Malaysia with a blue passport lah. Don't know don't come here and talk cock.
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 9:24:00 PM
who say NS cannot go JB? wa lau i go in out many times with my 11B before loh during nights off.
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 10:07:00 PM
hahaaaa... lol! i laugh untill i wanna peng! you very funny leh! wahh you also know who is seiko and akina uh? surprise... think you must be a lau-beng born sometime in early 1970s. i last time in sch oso like akina and seiko all my text book cover got checkers, akina, seiko posters. hahaa.... this is so hilarious reading yr blog. btw my jap name is oso akina :))
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 10:23:00 PM
- Ranting Rock said...
From this post, one can see that lockson's horse cannot perform under pressure and lockson keeps saying dowan! dowan!
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 11:01:00 PM
- shuddupfirst said...
what is BS?(changs comment)
damn funny la you!! why u so la sap one ,like to go to this kinda plcess!
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 11:35:00 PM
you're a very good story teller. you're definitely brilliant, street wise and clever. i hope they make a movie based on your blog. you're a genius! thank gawd for your sense of humor!
- Tuesday, August 02, 2005 11:52:00 PM
- Bevin said...
- This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 12:24:00 AM
- Black Jack said...
Wahahaha!!!! Chinese new year oranges...
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 12:25:00 AM
are you from NGEE ANN??
yup, i like the way you tell a story while blogging. great efforts to weave the story and context together.
ps, you're starting to sound more intelligent and less ah beng already. must remember to be more ah bengz. and lan jiao not lan cheow ok?
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 12:26:00 AM
ya lor ya lor i also say. rockster...you tok very intelligent. izzit u not really ah beng but a clever person pretend to be ah beng leh? even my tuition teecher say u can write stoli very well.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 1:01:00 AM
You're the man of my dreams!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 1:07:00 AM
I found one way to read your blog more enjoyable/funnier is to read it out loud! I chiao kao peng, until tears run down my eyes!
Thank-you you!
Rock on Rockson!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 1:37:00 AM
u guys are rite rockson is mark lee in disguise haha...
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 2:57:00 AM
I have beri bad experience with Malaysia bar too. My fuck idiot Poly classmates said it was cheap and good. Of course, I was idiot too. where got cheap and good. During poly time, after sat. lesson, play mahjong, then go for dinner, then go chiong. The winner will sponser taxi fares. Pretty good then. Singapore bar was relatively more expensive lor; so they suggested Malaysia bar.
The same things are you had described, old char bo and cheap beer. And worst of all, the place stink. I want to U turn when I first step in. But my cheebye classmates insisted to go in; and also I saw the bouncers looking at me - I do not dare not to go in. I am very timid lor.
Actually, I did not know that the char bo were so old until we were about to leave. Two char bo followed us out. They kept pesting us for sex. Under the moonlight and street light, I nearly fainted. I was lucky that I did not kiss the ugly one. The char bos in one that I went to (yes, only one, I never chiong Malaysia bar after that) were beri beri bad, just to give you an idea. You go to chinatown, pick anyone aunt, put on markup for her, and dress her. = the malaysia bar char bo. Somemore, got a few of them does not have nei nei one. They wore over size bras; and then when they removed it. you can tell that the bra can contain 5 more set of their nei nei.
Sigh, Rockson, I wanted to forget this bad experience. But you, yes YOU! Let me recall this bad bar experience. Well, we have the same encounter. I will send my contact to you privately and see if we can chiong together.
Thanks for blog anyway. For people who have not been to malaysia bar. please reconsider. Chiong unless your friend knows the mama san there, there are good char bo but the mama san reserves them for VIPs. so...
chang, BS is good. I second it.
Can somemore people send out more bars to chiong? Rockson? I have been to Australia to work for 1 years. back 6 months already. some of my friends got married; some got gf; some broke because of poor job market - so never chiong these days. I am still ok, I have still my Aussie dollars.
Ooh... Australian bar. The char bo-s are big and heavy. Rockson, maybe your horse can take it. But their nei nei is good. can bounce and are firm. They drink and talk alot. Very little touching. Most of them have very pretty eyes. So, a little touching and looking at their eyes are already very shiok liao. And, I did not see bouncers in the bar leh. Well, i am talking too much. gtg.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 3:03:00 AM
- Verce said...
I still enjoy your comments on politics more. All these funny lupsup stories I can read over sammyboy. Wahahaha.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 3:03:00 AM
Eeee, you blog so shiok man.Me also got big horse ok.One day we go out, I show you cool bar, plomise no lup sap! many many chiu bu
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 4:12:00 AM
- dingdongbell said...
Wah knn rockson everytime i read yr blog sure cheow ka pengz one sial. Ur realli a nonsense barbie. But ur damn fucking funny lohz! Keep posting man! Ur the MAN!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 4:28:00 AM
Cheebye Rockson - cannot read yr blog after makan leh otherwise lauff until stomach peng hor. I just got a heavy breakfast and now I veri jialat oredi hor. What a smart Beng you are. Rock on pls.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 8:23:00 AM
Hmm, methinks ministers index their salaries to those lup sup bar girl salaries, hmmm....
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 8:39:00 AM
i got bigger horse tha u la...KNNCCB
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:24:00 AM
seriously, this aunties are humans too, i do respect you when you bash up the gahmens, but in this case sympatise them ,im sure they don wan to work as a PR if they have a choice,if i were u,i'll jus give them money and leave
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:30:00 AM
- Da Froggie said...
Eh...Horse Master..Ur peng yew ..That Lawrence not too lan with u meh? U always say bad things about him leh...
Anyway, ur blog really boh beh chao!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:34:00 AM
Dear Rockson,
I really like ur blog...I din noe Hokkien words are soo colourful and beautiful. I am using those Hokkien words to my frens. I tink they like it...err...i guess?
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:02:00 AM
To Ranting Rock
You cheebye don't talk cock here. Our hero Rockson got taste mah not like you Chee Hong and never see Chee Bye before, see old kunt u olso want. KNNBCCB. Another thing yr lan cheow blog got no class lah, sibeh sian one. You write like Ah Kua. Heeheehe
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:08:00 AM
This is a one-joke blog. Same old shit. How long can you pull the same old shit? A year? Two years? it's getting tiresome.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:36:00 AM
- Mr.doodpar said...
wah.. so fast post liao... dammm addictive man..
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 12:08:00 PM
Your lup sup bar brings back fond memories..... The mamasan at the Beijing joint flipped up her skirt to show that with her girls, access is unlimited. When it was time to pay the xia fei, I asked my CNOOC friend what's the current rate - he said a hundred. As I peeled off US$10 bills to the screaming delight of the nubile lasses, he stopped me - he meant renminbi. Now you know why lotsa guys go to China for business.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 12:29:00 PM
Rockson u tis cheebye..fucking funny..reminds me of my lup sup experience...1 recommendation go kai xuan men at balestier point..shiok wif young char bohz and u can suck their neh neh until u cry for help!!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 2:57:00 PM
Why suck neh neh, need to cry for help?
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 3:41:00 PM
little boy
go suck many neh nehs for many hours see how u feel..u little dick
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 4:11:00 PM
wa lan!!like tat next time dun go JB lup sup bar liaoz lah.. the aunties strip naked also canot mari kita still must give tips..wah pian..understand yr mental torture by them..puiz chao nua
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 4:22:00 PM
- Jared said...
you must know where to go la.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 4:39:00 PM
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 5:07:00 PM
rockson are you married or got gf? can i be your lover or you be my lover? i think i'm in love with you leh....
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 5:24:00 PM
fuck u lah laba boy, if u really pity these aunties, don even visit tis kind of place lah. cos got ppl like u making they think got demand so they supply mah. don come here tok cock lah. also wonder got lap sup bar 4 char bo anot. Hahahaha……
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 5:25:00 PM
SO is Lawerence's horse as big as yours???
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 5:40:00 PM
- ron said...
Even my boss loves u.. hahaha
Btw.. did u check Fu Rong jie jie out? Think she'll like ur horse..
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 5:48:00 PM
yo rocky tan!
27 Aug prata election leh! Do a blog on it hor...
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 6:09:00 PM
- fleng said...
nabey this one better than bashing politic, why must blogger left right center bash politic, so common, so bland, so boring , rather hear rockson tok cok bout lup sup bar. Btw i went this KL KTV, much much cheaper than in JB.. the girl thai, young young.. nice.. their english like fuck.. but they do lesbo act and everything.. fucking good man!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 6:33:00 PM
Whahah! Sibei Good ah!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 7:04:00 PM
hahaha.. ur blog make me laugh!! thanks =)
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:02:00 PM
- This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:02:00 PM
kan pua ho cheow! u always tok abt ur horse...bring it out lah!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:21:00 PM
You're the Eminem of the Singpore lah!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:37:00 PM
hey babe,
i m so far away fr s'pore..but reading yr blog...i can get over the home-sickness! u go man! u rock!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 9:53:00 PM
you can bring your horse to the water but can't make it drink. this can mean one of 2 things - if you dislike and find them such a torture, no-one can compel you to go to these places. Or, you choose to follow but your horse simply doesn't like older women much and refuse to move one inch longer.
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:25:00 PM
- rubycore said...
rockson you are fucking awesome. and this is coming from a person who hates cheenas and ah bengs. haha.. yes, i am addicted to your blog too!
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 10:33:00 PM
- Staff ♥ said...
Oh man, you're great. Reading those entries of yours can make me laugh till i drop tears, nice one! :)
- Wednesday, August 03, 2005 11:29:00 PM
ur blog very the action barbie lehz...cheo until pa tor tia >.<
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 12:05:00 AM
Rockson so cool! Like your blog.. very funny, full of nonsense and so "chor". Looking forward to your next blog...
Always tease us with your horse... say so big but how we actually know... show pic of your horsey leh...
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 1:21:00 AM
Funny... good to know about the good and bad bar in spore :)
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 2:57:00 AM
K N2 BC2 B anonymous!did i say i go to such places?ccb if u dare put ur fuking number and cb name down la,don put anonymous scare ppl found out who u r ah?fuck you understand! i jus leave my comments u lua chee bye, if u don sympathise them, go and lick their lau pussy lah chao chee bye,talk like a fuking smart alac.chee bye to you,you hear anonymous.
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 8:47:00 AM
rather than going to LSB, can u try going to somewhr better? mayb i can bring you to some nicer and cleaner bars for a drink next time? *wink*
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 9:25:00 AM
Rockson..!!!! today is 4th.!!! where is yr next blog..? i cant wait to read it.. pls write something lah..
fm rat
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 9:48:00 AM
you are....... darn... cant stop laughing.. keep up the good work..
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 12:36:00 PM
small dick boi wif BIG ego, did I say u go? i just advice u don go mah. y so jumpy? guilty conscience? hahahaha… i can even tell u where I live u got balls 2 go there look 4 me bo? i sympathise them tat y i never go. no demand no supply. understand? maybe 2 chiam 4 u. hahahaha....
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 1:30:00 PM
- mooiness said...
I never been to lup sup bar but now becoz of u I wanna go see how bad it is really. Wahaahhaah..... rock on brother!
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 1:56:00 PM
Eh, Lan Jiao..How about doing an audio blog..? I am sure your fans will lurve it..myself included..
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 2:00:00 PM
Eh Bra-the, I think hor, your blog site kena ban in China. When I try to access, cannot leh.
My other peng you in China also cannot access leh.
It means your site already kan si lang chao liow.
But you got style la. Pattern a lot. Si bei tok-kong.
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 4:39:00 PM
i wana see ur horse!!
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 6:07:00 PM
i want to see ur horse!!
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 6:08:00 PM
- Vintage White Vespa said...
Rockson why do u downgrade urself to go those place!!! :P try a better place next time la those wif super chio young big boobs type...
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 6:28:00 PM
- deefenz said...
U r familiar with Akina Nakamori and Seiko Matsuda ah ! U must be a lau tee ko !!!
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 6:58:00 PM
Hey Rockson,
a fren of mine intro mi to ur blog, read thru ur posts, n i hav to say u muz be one of the funniest person alive man, i read ur blog liao luff till i bth man, u sibei funny lah, keep it up man, haha!
Cheers mate!
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 7:49:00 PM
Moral of the story... dun anyhow go to places u are not familiar with .. stick with traditional methods and places hahahaha safer.. and not so jialat like that. But betta becareful .. if not i might see on ST frontnews headline "ROCKSON TAKUMI TAN famous blogger exposed identity and Now AIDS riden due to too much Unprotected sex." Or i might see " HORSE without a HORSESHOE LEADS TO DEATH OF ROCKSON TAKUMI TAN" hahahahaha.. careful man
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 9:50:00 PM
Qns:Why did the horse cross the causeway?
Ans: To get to the greener bushes on the other side
haha if u get it .. it's a perverted joke la hahaha = X
causeway = first link ... from malaysia to Singapore
bushes = Ahem* you know what
other side = lorong 9 and 24 fish tank area
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 9:54:00 PM
KNN ! how about writing your first sex experience.
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 10:12:00 PM
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 11:18:00 PM
- Thursday, August 04, 2005 11:18:00 PM
- blueapple said...
Haha.. i link u ok..
- Friday, August 05, 2005 12:17:00 AM
I love your blog!!!
So funny yet informative keke...
If not for u i wouldnt noe our gahmen spent F@##ing amount of $$$ on naming Marina with a name we already using LOL. really bo liao.
VEly good! Will wait for the next sur prize! Keep your style hor!
- Friday, August 05, 2005 12:59:00 AM
y u nv blog today? i wan 2 read.
- Friday, August 05, 2005 5:58:00 AM
LOL.. i also waiting.. hahahaha
- Friday, August 05, 2005 7:21:00 AM
Hey write some more...
You are the entertainment of our days in work place... Thanks for all those laugh.... U really Rock Man!
Merci beaucoup...
- Friday, August 05, 2005 8:48:00 AM
Hey your blog is our entertainment of our work place...
I'm addicted to ur blog too...
You really make us hell like hell sia.. LOL
Merci beaucoup...
Keep up to the good work...
Hope ur days would have so many funny incidents to happen so u can share wif us...
- Friday, August 05, 2005 8:51:00 AM
Nabey, enough liao, hor! Everytime make fun of me. Next time I will cheong without you.
- Friday, August 05, 2005 9:52:00 AM
Man! You Blog F****** Rocks! Dam& farny leh!!!!
- Friday, August 05, 2005 10:34:00 AM
- felix30 said...
nbcb... ur blog damn fucking funny man!! i'm looking forward for more.... =)
- Friday, August 05, 2005 11:29:00 AM
- Friday, August 05, 2005 11:50:00 AM
egolistic?fuck you la.say so much for wat.lan jiao to u ok.
action speak louder la?put place put time fucker.leave down ur address if u really damn wu balls.if not, balls to you,don cm and fuck with me chao chee bye
- Friday, August 05, 2005 12:08:00 PM
lockson if the gahmen find out who u r in real life
u DIE!
- Friday, August 05, 2005 1:24:00 PM
u sure bo? mai kong song only huh. ok lah. can come to d place nxt 2 this url between mon 2 fri; 8am 2 5pm.
anything after. here.
rt here waiting. jz look 4 1 fellow got lan jiao face can liao. hahaha....
- Friday, August 05, 2005 1:24:00 PM
haha.. U are a funny guy..
Like to read ur blog during office hr, really very funny
Pls write more often K!!
- Friday, August 05, 2005 2:14:00 PM
I'm surprised you haven't commented on the ban of smoking in hawker centres and coffeeshops..
- Friday, August 05, 2005 3:26:00 PM
Nabea! like that O-so complain!? last time lim pea went to Changi NSB, that old chee bye neh neh so flat until can flip both over her shouder, and fly off like Jumbo.
- Friday, August 05, 2005 4:59:00 PM
- + hil + said...
mannn..this entry got me really laughing lk mad! thanks n keep it up rockson..
i welcome u to check my blog out anytime =)
- Saturday, August 06, 2005 1:14:00 AM
Wah...you sure boh? What I know is Chinese man's horse very small leh. Look macho on outside but inside like little worm.
- Saturday, August 06, 2005 1:11:00 PM
haha! u r very hilarious!
- Saturday, August 06, 2005 2:04:00 PM
so where's the lsb har? :P
- Saturday, August 06, 2005 4:47:00 PM
- Evelyn said...
Awesome man....just awesome.
- Monday, August 08, 2005 5:59:00 PM
Hey rockson, very interesting blog man. First time i'm reading it. Reminds me of the time when i was in NS, all those ridiculous vulgarities and the endless no-holds-barred singlish. But, seems you got this complex about your horse being damn long. I read people with mini horses usually attempt to 'enhance' their barang behind the veil of anonymity on a blog
- Tuesday, August 09, 2005 4:03:00 PM
evelyn u r awesome....looking!
- Wednesday, August 10, 2005 8:40:00 PM
chio kar peng..hahahahahahaha
- Tuesday, August 16, 2005 1:50:00 PM
Chio ka pengsan!!! my colleague tot i read the porno erotic jokes or wat.. pengz!!
- Thursday, August 25, 2005 1:00:00 PM
Chio ka pengsan!!! my colleague tot i read the porno erotic jokes or wat.. pengz!!
- Thursday, August 25, 2005 1:00:00 PM
- Unknown said...
Lols..eur blog damm cute sia..Lamer..yr blog can really make my day i am stucked to ur blog.Lol..
- Friday, September 02, 2005 9:41:00 PM
piang eh...ur blog hor.. very funny
laugh till peng
- Wednesday, September 14, 2005 9:43:00 PM
for LSB in Malaysia try
a) Apollo
b) Sakura >>> best choice
but i wun rather go discos or
try these places
a) Sakura Niteclub
b) Ye Lai Xiang
c) Ye Shang Hai
d) Tian Wang
- Friday, September 16, 2005 3:00:00 AM
omg.. this is my first time reading ure blog.. U ROCK MAN!
- Saturday, September 17, 2005 4:11:00 PM
hahaha....rockson...u same as me kena cheat by those grandmother but i lucky...there was once the beer i think gt drug or wad i suddenly feel lyk my jorse expand lyk inside gt air lyk tt thn i feel lyk holding two neh neh and squeez and mi horse feel lyk ready to chiong so i cannot tahan thn anyhow grab two neh neh...lucky never grab mi fwen grandmother one...i grab the 22 yrs old waiter one...coz i sitting opposite the door thn when the waiter come in i juz jump out of the sofa and jump at her loh...but the nxt thing vey shiok...gt two men bring the waiter (hu is struggling) and me to one room and there they lock the door thn sae i can do wadever i wan to her...so i hapi unbuckle mi belt thn un-button mi shirt and grab hold of the gal and started ripping her clothes...she at first scream thn afetr tt she tried to hit me the dunno hw her ring caught on to mi underwear and she pull it down thn when she wan to stand up her head hit mi horse and thn she saw it thn dunno y she suddenly go and suck it so i hapi lying on the bed shiok shiok thn suddenly stop...i look y she stop thn...wah piang oi...she started putting mi horse in to her cheebye thn she lost her balance and fall on to me...thn she push mi head to her neh neh and ask me to suck it so i blur blur go suck thn i fainted...when i wake up i saw lip stick marjs all over mi thighs near mi horse and i feel smth in mi mouth and i see...KNN...the gal neh neh in mi mouth!!!
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This video comes to us via Matt Learnard on Facebook. The original video was shot and uploaded by Vince Norpel. The video is a little choppy, but does the job of showing what the Wissahickon looked like early this morning Be sure to watch the last 10 to 15 seconds. (The video freezes for a bit in the middle, but it will resume. just give it 10 seconds.) Park Rangers had entrances to the Wissahickon blocked because of the severe flooding, which, as Vince points out here, appears to be even worse than Irene.
If you have photos, videos or anecdotes you want to share, send them to firstname.lastname@example.com.


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The Agile Maturity Model
The primary goal of a maturity model is to provide guidance to an organization to help improve a facet of its business. So, an ice cream maturity model would provide guidance for improving the production of ice cream and a marketing maturity model would provide guidance for improving your approach to marketing. In this article, I describe the Agile Maturity Model (AMM), a five-stage model that provides guidance for improving your effectiveness at agile software development.
Level 1 of the AMM is the Rhetorical stage. Agile practitioners at this level accept that agile is the art of the possible where developers have the courage to deal with tomorrow's problems tomorrow. Level 1 development teams adopt agile process frameworks because they know that defined processes, or methods depending on your chosen terminology, will only lead them astray. We know this because agile process frameworks are empirical, although to be fair non-agile processes and process frameworks can also be equally as empirical were the same rhetoric applied. Respect is important, except when it comes to traditional/classical ideas which have observably, or dare I say empirically, worked for many project teams worldwide.
At the Rhetorical stage decisions are made within our self-organizing teams by pigs and accepted (hopefully) by chickens, although I'm concerned that many agilists insist on being thought of as pigs. We should desperately avoid finding ourselves in "Scrum But" situations because we couldn't possibly benefit from adopting just a few agile practices, such as short timeboxes or hiring product owners with wringable necks, regardless of the overwhelming empirical evidence to the contrary. Level 1 agile teams typically succeed because agile strategies were applied on hand-picked pilot projects, by a small team of flexible and often highly-skilled people, and were given sufficient management support. Our rhetoric tells us that the fact that the team had adopted agile strategies is clearly the primary reason for success in these situations. Other important rhetoric is that if the emperor isn't wearing any clothes then you should tell him or her, unless or course it's an agile rhetoricleader, oops I mean agile thoughtleader, because whatever they say should be accepted verbatim.
Level 1 agile teams have made a good start but still have a long way to go. At the rhetorical stage agile teams often waste significant effort reinventing the "process wheel"... oops I mean the "process framework wheel", because they're too busy bashing any development strategy that came before agile. Our respect towards product owners is also questionable considering we love pointing out that theirs is the one neck we're going to wring. Level 1 agile practitioners generally don't respect management either, luckily they rarely seem to know what management does so that makes it easier, pointing out how stupid and ineffective managers are in practice. Waxing rhetorically about respect is much easier than actually giving respect after all.
Level 2 of the AMM is the Certified stage, the goal of which is to ride on the coattails of existing certification programs run by non-agile communities (the very same communities that we mock at the Rhetorical stage, so apparently they're good for something after all). The distinguishing feature of the Certified stage is that most team members have stayed awake in a two-day certification course and have successfully parroted back agile rhetoric in a multiple guess test which few people seem to fail. To maintain this level you must annually pay tribute to one or more of alliances of agile certifiers whose power relies solely on you being too timid to point out their naked greed and ambition. The certification program is nothing but a façade over a blatant money grab by the agile emperors, but as certified agile masters we're happy because we can now add a new certification logo on our business cards and email signatures. Granted, we'll eventually need to learn to live with the embarrassment once others discover how little we had to do to "earn" that certification, and live with the subsequent undermining of our organization's agile adoption effort, but those are tomorrow's problems which we're courageous enough to deal with tomorrow.
Level 3 of the AMM is the Plausible stage. At this stage we begin to focus on agile strategies which may in fact be actually viable within the organizational context in which we find ourselves. The focus is on small development teams working in a pretty much co-located manner, a strategy which increases the chance of project success dramatically (shown time and again by Dr. Dobb's project success surveys). At the plausible stage we struggle with scaling issues, such as strategies for large or distributed teams, because we didn't learn how to do so in our two-day agile mastery certification course. We abandon the marketing rhetoric of earlier stages after observing what actually works in practice -- interestingly, actually following the empiricism rhetoric of the agile rhetoricleaders undermines much of their other rhetoric, supporting the argument that this level should be called the Irony stage instead. We also abandon the certification façade and instead focus on gaining the skills, and understanding the strategies, required to successfully deliver high-quality working software to our stakeholders and thereby pay down the integrity debt built up during the Certified stage.
Level 4 of the AMM is the Respectable stage. At this stage agile teams adopt a full delivery lifecycle, not just a development lifecycle, and tailor their approach to meet the unique needs of the situation in which they find themselves. They adopt strategies from a variety of sources, including Scrum, Extreme Programming (XP), Unified Process (UP), Agile Modeling (AM), Lean Software Development, and more. They focus on producing solutions, not just software, and respect the fact that it may in fact be possible that non-agile approaches have their advantages too. Our focus is on delivering high-quality solutions, not just software, recognizing that we also work with hardware and motivate changes in both the business process and organization structures of our stakeholders. A focus on working solutions over just working software moves us beyond the developer and consultant driven rhetoric of the agile community to address the full spectrum of what agile delivery teams actually do. Furthermore, disciplined agile delivery teams at this stage are self organizing within an appropriate governance framework, recognizing that they work within the constraints of a larger organizational ecosystem.
Level 5 of the AMM is the Measured stage. With this strategy you collect information from instrumented and integrated tools to provide you with accurate information in real time, enabling you to steer your project based on real empirical information and not just observational guesswork. At this stage we respect the fact that most managers are very smart people doing the best that they can given the less-than-perfect information available to them. By providing more accurate information to management they are more likely to make better decisions, and appear empirically smarter as a result. This could also be called the "Agile, but…" or "hybrid" stage because your strategy weaves techniques from the agile, traditional, lean, and other paradigms in order to be as effective as possible. Level 5 agile practitioners are truly respectful of history, recognizing that the people who built the systems which are currently running the world had a bit of a clue after all. They tailor their approach to meet their actual needs, often addressing several of the scaling factors called out in the Agile Scaling Model (ASM), a topic that I'll discuss in detail in a future column.
This column was published on April 1, 2010 so it's up to you to determine whether or not the AMM is an April Fool's joke or not. Sadly, I suspect that this newsletter hits far too close for home for many readers, and I suspect that's because many within the agile community has lost its way in the last few years. Happy April Fool's day in any event.
Additiona Reading:
In Agile CMMI: Complimentary or Oxymoronic? I overview the Software Engineering Institute (SEI)'s technical note entitled CMMI or Agile? Why Not Embrace Both! , discussing the applicability of Capability Maturity Model Integrated (CMMI) to agile. If you're serious about an agile maturity model, these articles are likely a good starting point.
The Scum Certified Agile Master (SCAM) program at is a great opportunity for agile developers.
The article The Eclipse Blocker Project describes a new Eclipse plug-in which automatically generates weekly status reports from the activity of project team members.
The Fragile Manifesto presents an alternative view to the subversive material contained in The Agile Manifesto.
The Glacial Methodology is a new software process which is based on sound software engineering principles.
The article Embracing the OMG overviews the advantages of the Object Management Group (OMG)'s MDA, CWM, and XMI specifications.
A few years ago I wrote about a new addition to the Unified Process called the Politics Discipline which helps people navigate the intricacies of their organization's culture and structure.
The article The Quest for the Silver Bullet describes one project team's efforts to find the single tool or technique which would help them succeed at software development.
In the article Unified Process from A to Z I list in alphabetical order the various flavors of the Unified Process which have been released over the years. There's more to the UP ecosystem than Rational Unified Process (RUP) and Open Unified Process (OpenUP) .
Are You Suffering from Versusitis? summarizes the effects of versusitis, a debilitating disease which a large number of IT professionals suffer from.
The article An Executive Primer on Cloud Computing: What Vendors Aren't Telling You provides an overview of cloud computing and lifts back the covers to reveal some of the challenges being experienced by organizations that have adopted a cloud-based approach to their technical architecture.
My [email protected] blog discusses strategies for adopting and applying agile strategies in the complex environments. This is no joke!
Scott Ambler is chief methodologist/Agile and SOA for IBM Rational.