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Her blog Marginamia has become a serious habit of mine, despite my no longer being in the baby naming phase. A mother of two girls with perfect monikers, Kristen, a freelance writer, is interested in names, their meanings and their connections by way of culture, literature and lifestyle.
Tell us about yourself:
I live with my husband, Chris,and our two daughters, Nona (4) and Valo June (20 mo), in the D.C. area. I'm a full-time mother, a blogger and freelance writer. Beyond that I'm house hunting and finally starting to work on some children's books!
Chris and I met studying philosophy and then moved around a lot together, living out of boxes and suitcases. The closest we came to settling down was in Honolulu, Hawaii for five years, where we started our young family. I worked with my friends in music promotions, putting on fun concerts and helping musicians vacation a bit while they toured. Island life was an absolute dream for a girl in her twenties. I awoke to wild chickens, swam with turtles, climbed mountains and walked volcanoes. Nona's first two years were filled with Pacific waves, tropical forests, and some seriously naked living. At the time, I underestimated just how much it would all become part of who we are as a family.
Now I dream of going back to Tennessee, where I grew up, to find some perfectly tucked away home in the hills of Nashville, where we'll busy ourselves playing banjos (of course!), tending snail races in the garden, and eating sticky bowls of homemade peach and ginger ice cream.
Who cooks?
Other than Sunday morning breakfast, I usually do. My culinary efforts don't always appeal to my family, so I plan to use this over the coming months, though, as not to totally alienate my favorite people.
What's a typical weeknight?
It depends on the season. For now, after dinner (which is pretty early) I turn on peppy music to let the girls engage the last of their wildness for the day while I clean up, and then I join them for dancing. After that we groom and do pajamas; Chris usually gets home shortly thereafter. We talk in hushed tones, walk softer, put on soft music and light candles as it gets dark, rather than turning on lights. I might enjoy a quiet half hour or so to myself during this time. Sometimes we do lotion rubs and smell "special sleep potion" (essential oil) before having our family snuggle and books in the big bed. Then Chris snuggles Nona a bit more in her room, while Valo June and I have songs and nursing in our room (she's still in with us.) After this I stretch and either write or chat with Chris.
Do you have a go-to dinner that appears weekly? What's in the breakfast
rotation? Any food-based family rituals?
A few times a week we do some form of eggs & avocados or eggs & potatoes. Fried egg on broiled tomato and arugula toast with avocado slices; soft boiled eggs with mashed rosemary and shallot sweet potatoes, and a green veggie; or fried egg over a ginger, avocado, crushed nori and rice bowl are some of the forms the meal takes.
For breakfast we almost always do oatmeal with peanut butter mixed in, and carrot juice & fruit smoothies.
Our rituals really come down to two things: Pancake Sunday, brought to us by Chris (and only Chris—I was banished from the griddle after sneaking lemon into the batter), and at dinner time we ring an old bell. Other than that, it's crazy time. I trust we'll have calmer rituals when people are no longer sitting on laps, hiding under tables and enjoying avocado hair masks; god knows they're given an ample supply of product.
How do you feel about screen-time?
Moderate? We're very cautious in keeping away programing and advertising, so we don't have any tv channels, and we try not to do any media at all for most of the week (try, mind you). Then we religiously observe "Movie Friday" — we watch a couple of movies, and maybe some music videos on Vimeo. We really appreciate (and think kids do, too) movies for children that aren't blind to the arts of beauty and subtlety. Our favorite movies for Fridays are My Neighbor Totoro; Peter and the Wolf, by Suzie Templeton; and The Fox and the Child, by Luc Jaquet. For shorts, we love Joanna Lurie's, especially this one. If our tv is on any other day of the week, it's lit up with music and a slideshow of either our flickr favorites or our own family photos, which I really love; I don't think I'd end up actually enjoying our photo albums very often without it.
Tell us about how you celebrate birthdays in your house. Give us some examples. Do you like or resent the goody bag phenomenon?
So far, birthdays have been low-key, intimate, and casual, with just one or two special friends. I bake a cake (which Nona likes to help decorate), blow up a bag or two of balloons, and the birthday girl gets to pick what we do all day. We open some gifts, tell the story of their births, and talk about all the unique ways they've enriched the world (I can't wait to see how this one evolves as they age!)
My resentment or love for goodie bags depends totally on the spirit with which they're given. I think I resent obligatory giving; it misses the point and usually results in unneeded stress and bags o' crap. We'd love to make little gifts for our friends, but if it doesn't work out, I don't want us to feel any shame in saving it for another occasion. My dad dressed up like a clown and made up these fantastic on-the-spot stories at our parties; I'd prefer this to a bag of zipymadoodles and suckers any day!
What websites inspire you and for which parts of your life?
I just discovered ARH, and I'm pretty excited by the food Ashley features! She cooks eggs as much as I do, so I'm going try all of her dishes, and I love the clothes, interiors, and art there, too. Izakoo is fueling my wanderlust lately. For parenting support, Jennifer Lehr's Good Job! helps me connect to my ideals. And to inspire my approach to creative projects, I love Keri Smith's blog.
Tell us about a typical weekend.
One day is a day of rest, which might include a walk, but nothing too taxing or overstimulating. The other will be either a light activity day (picnics, hikes, etc) or those seasonal errands and needs that come and go. Chris and Nona usually have a date of some sort, be it a trip to the market or the park. We try to keep it totally relaxed.
Any family rituals you carry on, or that you have created?
Every Sunday my parents took us for a drive in the country. We'd roll down our windows and listen to my mother tell us the history of the land over soft music. I'd stare into the clouds and trees with that all-is-right-with-the-world feeling. We had our problems like every other family, but those drives were always pretty perfect, and I never outgrew them. We've continued it, though much less regularly, for our young family.
One new thing I like to do is save particular smells for certain seasons, occasions and trips. This began on our last trip to the mountains, somewhat accidentally, and stuck when I realized I could bring the vacation back to us through that old bottle of oil. When the time comes, I'd love to send our girls off to all their new adventures with a smelly box of memories — something they can pull out when they need to connect to our traditions or have a quick breath of winter on a hot day.
How long have you been interested in names?
Though I'd named a business, songs, workshops/events and pets with great enthusiasm, it was during and after Valo June's naming process, when I discovered websites dedicated entirely to names, that I realized just how crazy into anthroponymy I actually am. I suppose I'm like most other name enthusiasts in that I can get jazzed about a name in itself, but the truth is I'm most interested in how names connect to the people who wear them — the stories and meaning to be found in those relationships. I think names get a bad rap for being a superficial aspect of personhood, but they're really about the social aspect our beings; we only have them so that we may be referred to by other people, often those who most love us. I think that's pretty neat.
How did you come up with the names for your daughters?
We like short and simple names that are celebratory of nature and reflective of our values.
More specifically, we picked Nona for it's particular associations to Roman mythology. We also loved the fact that it's used as a name for 'grandmother' in some languages, which is fitting for her; she's wise beyond her four years. Plum, her middle name, is from a special memory from my childhood, my first time picking and eating plums!
Valo is a Finnish word for 'light'. In addition to her being a burst of brightness just after the loss of my father, my labor began with the rising sun and intensified along with it. The sun coaxed her out into the world three hours later, in our bedroom, where our home gets the most morning light. June is tied to Roman mythology (and her birth month). Reverie, her third name and a favorite word of ours, is a state my husband and I both found ourselves in a lot throughout my pregnancy; we liked to imagine this was due to something specific about her nature. She walks around all day on her tip toes, light as the air, so it's a good fit.
Favorite activities for when you're stuck indoors, or do you not let the elements get in the way?
We try to get outdoors most days, but indoor activities we like best are painting, beading, baking, reading, music making and dancing. Nona is just starting to develop an interest in both Yoga (which I love to see. I used to teach Yoga) and tea making/drinking. I also really love to see how resourceful they become with the simplest of things when I'm busied with something else.
If you are a music person, tell us what you listen to…
Music is on more often than not, or we're making our own songs. We're usually going for calm-happy, so Lullatone is on for every type of occasion, and I love that they're a music makin' family! We listen to quite a lot from our parents' generation, from pop to folk to early punk, and anything put out by Stax (I'm a third generation Booker T fan, so I've bopped with Dad and Granddad.) In terms of more current stuff, we listen to a lot of modern folk; the latest Fleet Foxes album has been on a lot lately. I frequently reach for Ólöf Arnalds, Inara George, Linda Perhacs, and Juice Newton (the first record I remember loving as a child). We're pretty egalitarian in our selections, but we all seem to genuinely enjoy the same stuff, so no one is suffering. It's great for the kids that we love Julie Andrews and Elisabeth Mitchell. And it works out for us that the girls are partial to our college/post college music; they go completely ape for Of Montreal and Devendra Banheart, and we often calm down for sleep with Stars of the Lid. I imagine there will be less convergence of tastes in our family as the girls age, so I'm enjoying the total harmony for now!
Top 3 favorite books—for your kids, top 3 for yourself? Last book you read?
There are three that stand out for appearing when I most needed them, in each of the last three decades of my life: Walden lit a very influential spark, The Unbearable Lightness of Being brought me a timely peace, And The Little Prince became a lamppost and tuner for me, at age 33! I just finished Handcrafted Modern by Leslie Williamson (loved it). I'm currently reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort and The New Traditional Woodworker by Jim Tolpin.
Picking favorite childrens' books is even harder. On our rotating shelf right now: Emily's Balloon by Komako Sakai, A Winter's Tale by Robert Sabuda, Wonder Bear by Tao Nyeu, The Cat at Night by Dahlov Ipcar, and All Kinds of Families by Mary Ann Hoberman and Marc Boutavant. I've already cheated, but may I still give honorable mentions to The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton, The Tomten by Astrid Lindgren, and Owl Moon by Jane Yolen?
What's the thing that always stays on your to-do list and never gets crossed off and nags at you?
Such a long list, but we don't have even one photograph of all four of us together! I desperately need to schedule a family portrait, but at this point I'd almost settle for having a neighbor come snap a quick shot when all four of us are clean at the same time and my husband doesn't have any wires or apple products dangling from his body.
Your favorite family trip ever?
After just moving back to the mainland from Hawaii, between homes and jobs, the ceiling of our temporary home collapsed over the dining area from a sewage bust. I was twenty weeks pregnant, had a two year old, and suddenly the place was uninhabitable, so we very quickly threw some things in a bag and took to the Smokey Mountains. We spent a week in a beautiful mountain cabin, mostly lounging in the room with the giant whirlpool tub, which practically blended into the forest. Our mornings were made of warm tea, cozy blankets, and fog covered mountain tops. I enjoyed an in-cabin massage and hours of prenatal yoga. Nona's had her first snow play and first cup of hot coco. Chris baked batches and batches of cookies from scratch. We often opened our windows to the smells of pines and snow, and kept the fireplace going non stop. We drove through the mountains, nibbling on chocolate and listening to the rushing river while Nona napped in the car. She still asks if we can go back to the snowy place with all the stars and the giant bath tub!
Do you have any personal a-ha tip that you want to tell us about.
So, I lost my mom last April (one year after my father), very suddenly. She was young, only fifty three, which has really put the uncertainty and fragility of life into perspective for me. While I am going through (and playing twister with) all the stages of grief, I feel a very real urgency to make my days count — to do the things I most want to do, love the people I most want to love, and just not get bogged down by the rest. I feel the same urgency for my kids. I think we've all had someone say to us, "oh, she won't even remember that when she's grown. How much do you remember from being three?", as if only that which is remembered or otherwise put toward the future counts. But a child's experience matters today, not just for the future adult (or memory) it will produce, but in and of itself. Finding fulfillment today is just as urgent for my girls as it is for me, so we spend less time preparing for life and more time simply enjoying it than we did before.
You feel your best when?
When I laugh daily and keep my muscles stretched, I stay best maintained. What I enjoy the most is feeling inspired and excited by something completely new to me or finding new dimensions in something old and comforting, realizing it's growing with me.
Favorite clothing item and why?
A pair of vintage Cole Haan ankle boots. They go with absolutely everything, and I can walk for miles with a baby on my back. I'm also pretty excited about the tank top I'm beginning to sew this week from a Wiksten pattern! It will be the first garment I've made for myself.
Proudest moment in parenting?
I'm proudest of my kids in all those little moments where they reveal what total individuals they are — those parts of them that come from their own insights, passions, and preferences. And I feel proudest of myself when I remember that over half of this parenting thing is relaxing enough to enjoy these little surprises of theirs! Ideals and great efforts are wonderful and totally necessary, but sometimes I get a little too wrapped up in them.
What do you feel you could be better at?
Making better attempts at "socialization" is the first that comes to mind. While we do stay involved with the bigger social/political goings on, we live a very quiet, slow-paced, and detached-from-the-world type of lifestyle. This is obviously intentional, but I worry that I don't make enough efforts to find a community of people, old and young, like I so fondly remember having as a child. It just didn't happen as naturally for us after our last move; with kids and new priorities, it's a whole new scene that I've not really figured out how to navigate in a way that's fulfilling for all of us. I really need to make it a priority for this year, though, for all our sakes!
What makes you feel guilty?
I feel guiltiest when I'm not as nice as I should be, when my girls hear undeserved frustration in my voice or see it my face and think it's meant for them. Thank goodness for apologies.


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A big thank you to everyone at Fosters. Thanks for looking after my mum, you guys have been superb. Thank you to Terry, you have been amazing. Couldn't have asked for any better.
A big thank you to everyone at Fosters. Thanks for looking after my mum, you guys have been superb. Thank you to Terry, you have been amazing. Couldn't have asked for any better.
I would like to thank everyone who had anything to do with my Father's funeral. The staff were professional, caring, helpful, friendly, thoughtful and above all respectful of my poor Mother at this sad time – I especially would like to thank you and Stewart who carried out the service. Stewart managed to grasp the essence of my Father so much. You were so kind and understanding and it took so much of the burden off our family at a difficult time. Once again thank you so much.
Thank you so very much for all your help and kindness, I would never have coped without you at all, your premises and services and the PERSONAL service you gave are second to none and I mean that 100%. The Rev. John Lloyd, was so kind when he came to visit me also and the viewing parlour visit gave me peace of mind, Thomas looked so peaceful and free of pain, a beautiful laying out even though it broke my heart, I will never forget you Caroline xxx
We just want to express our gratitude to you for all the help you gave us but especially the confidence you gave me in organising a dignified and heartfelt service for Nan (Agnes Young). Your professional manner and expertise shone through which was very reassuring for me and Colin, as we have never organised anything like this before. Your service is excellent and I cannot praise or thank you enough! I know you may say you 'are only doing your job' but you did more than that. Thank you to you and all the staff involved in Nan's care and service.
I would like offer my sincerest thanks to Alan Duke and all the staff at Fosters Funeral Directors. From our first meeting about my mums funeral and throughout the entire process, your professionalism, advice and kindness following the loss of our mum helped ease my family through this difficult time. Your service exceeded all our expectations and provided a funeral service with all due respect, dignity and kindness. Thank you again for ensuring my mother had such a beautiful day.
Thank you for all your help and understanding at a very difficult time for me and my family. My mum's funeral went perfect thanks to you and all your staff, it was greatly appreciated.
Should you need to talk to one of our dedicated funeral advisors with regards to any of our services, please click below to request a call back appointment at a time and date that is convenient to you.

subset: commoncrawl


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I'm thinking of writing a short story set on a version of Earth that is tidally locked to the Sun. I'm not exactly sure how to research the topic. Here's a number of questions about what would happen:
How hot would the light side get? Are we talking ocean-boiling levels? I imagine that life would eventually flourish, given the massive constant energy source. Is this accurate?
- On that note, I imagine massive thunderstorms along all the coasts due to increased evaporation. How bad would they get? Would the ground ever see the Sun, or only rainfall?
- How cold would the dark side get? Is it conceivable that any life could still exist there? (Life has proven itself quite versitile in the past, i.e. life at the bottom of the ocean.)
- What wind speed would the twilight zone experience? I imagine the atmosphere would transfer heat from one side to the other, but would the wind speeds be bearable? In what direction would air flow?
- I hear that the oceans would recede into disjoint northern and southern oceans if the world stopped spinning. Would this also happen if the Earth became tidally locked?
- Would the Sun create a 'tidal' bulge in the ocean at the apex of the light side? Would this or the above dominate ocean behavior?
- Would we completely lose the magnetic field? Would life be able to survive without such shielding from magnetic radiation?
- Would the Moon eventually unlock the Earth? What state would the Moon have to be in for there to be both a locking between the Sun and the Earth as well as the Earth and the Moon?
- What other radical differences would exist between our Earth and a tidally locked alternative?


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Are you a member of a board or steering committee of a farmer, consumer or commodity organization? Are you responsible for facilitating the work of a board? Does the board function well? Could it do better?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, we hope you'll join Tara Kelly, Executive Director of the Rutland Area Farm and Food Link (RAFFL) and WAgN Director Mary Peabody for an interactive webinar on practical steps to take to develop and maintain strong board membership. The "Board Development: Charting a Course for Successful Selection, Support and Retention" webinar will take place Tuesday, March 1 from 11am to 12:15pm ET.
Why should farmers — who are busy enough minding their own businesses — care about nonprofit boards?
* In Vermont and many other places, nonprofit organizations, producer associations and grassroots groups have been key players in efforts to strengthen food system and enhance our working landscape.
Around Vermont, for example, there are scores of food and agriculture-related nonprofit organizations and associations. Some are oriented to particular commodities and production approaches — The Vermont Grass Farmers' Association and Vermont Vegetable and Berry Growers' Association, are two such examples.
There are statewide organizations, such as Vermont Farms! which promotes agri-tourism, and Vermont Fresh Network which works to connect farmers with chefs. Add to those localvore and anti-hunger groups, and regional organizations such as Vital Communities in the Upper Valley, the Hardwick-based Center for An Agricultural Economy, and Burlington's Intervale Center. There are now over 60 Vermont farmers' markets, and each of them is governed by a board of directors, as is the Vermont Farmers Market Association.
* As diverse as these organizations are, they have one thing in common. They all have boards (and/or advisory committees) which oversee their activities and finances. And as agricultural and food organizations, farmers are on their boards. A well-functioning board is critical to the success of the organization. But great boards don't just happen. It takes work to create and sustain effective boards. The payoff: effective organizations.
Board work is challenging but can be rewarding, too. Tara's presentation will present the key concepts of board development drawing from her experience starting up new organizations as well as serving on more "mature" boards. Tara served on a wide variety of boards over the past 17 years, and is now the first executive director of a rapidly growing local farm and food organization that is currently transitioning into a new organizational stage. Concepts covered will include recruitment, orientation, fostering continued active board participation and the need for ongoing board development.
This webinar is part of the University of Vermont Extension's Building Capacity series. The mission of this project is to provide education and technical assistance to build leadership for the nonprofit sector as well as small associations, boards, committees and commissions.
No pre-registration is required and there is no fee to participate! About 15 minutes prior to the start time simply go the Elluminate meeting room at:
You will be presented with a login screen that has an "Enter as Guest" option. Enter your full name and click "Enter Room" to join the conference. You will be able to hear the audio directly from your computer's speakers.
Newcomers to on-line learning are welcome! If you have not participated in a webinar before, we recommend you download the necessary software for free the day before the webinar is scheduled at:
For more information, contact Lindsay Jones, Building Capacity Project Coordinator at 802-751-8307 or 1-800-545-8920 (toll-free in VT)


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- Hash (txid)28dfdb439fbef93e5f06779cba30caf8753a31f902c6b9db1eb1f805ee7e1076
- Block Id 588941 49313 confirmations
- Time (UTC) 2019-08-06 21:04(a year ago)
- Input total0.04898915 BTC
- Fee0.00001128 BTC
- Output total0.04897787 BTC
- Coindays destroyed0.02
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Friday, June 19, 2015
Maggie and I have a lot in common
If you've been reading the blog on a regular basis, you know that Maggie recently lost her mother. Well, now so have I.
So, we made the best of the time she had left. We spent time at our family cottage (until it got too cold). We went out to lunch and had toasts. She made her famous bread stuffing and creamed onions for Thanksgiving, and again for Christmas. She was happy. She had the greatest attitude.
I wish I could say I felt the same way. I woke up every day with dread. When will I lose my mother?
Then she entered hospice care. A nurse came to visit her twice a week. Things didn't get better. The nurse had no better luck at getting someone to treat Mom's increasing pain and the nausea. I had to throw a temper tantrum to get SOMEBODY to listen, and my mother was finally put on a different medication that made a world of difference. But by then she'd lost the will to eat.
Mt. Carmel House. A place to die.
The day I drove her away from her home of 15 years for the last time, she never even looked back.
For me, it meant I no longer had to run down the road four or five times a day to make sure she was okay. That she was eating, that she took her meds. To put on and take off her compression stockings. I was pretty frazzled, but then suddenly -- she wasn't in my care anymore. Though I went to visit her twice a day (put a lot of miles on my car and listened to a bunch of audiobooks on the way to and from the home), it was very stressful ... because once she went to Mt. Carmel, she gave up. Every day she slipped away a little more. Every day I left Mt. Carmel in tears.
Mum stayed at Mt. Carmel for six weeks. Six weeks where I felt helpless and like I'd failed her. Our last real conversation happened about ten days before she passed. In her own way, she knew if she didn't say what she needed to say, I would never hear it. It was difficult for her, but she told me she loved me. She told me she was proud of me. She told me she wanted me to have a lot more success in my career.
Mum passed away last Saturday evening, nine months and three days after the oncologist gave her six months to live. She used to joke that she didn't know if she should die sooner or hang on much longer just to thwart that woman who couldn't seem to muster an ounce of compassion. (Believe me, she will die horribly in one of my future books.)
Mum asked me not to talk about her publicly until she was gone. She didn't want her Facebook friends to feel sorry for her, as a bunch of them were also my readers. That was the kind of person she was. She never wanted to stand in the limelight, but she supported me in everything I ever wanted to do.
Mum was a great cook. Her prime rib dinners were the stuff of legend. The only thing that eluded her was baking cookies. For some reason, hers never came out all that good -- but who cared, because everything else was great.
My Mum also had two green thumbs. She was a great gardener. She could grow anything. She and Dad were organic gardeners long before organic became mainstream. Her orchids bloomed again and again. She kept African violets for years and they bloomed and bloomed and bloomed, too.
Not many people I know would have wanted to take a vacation, let alone 10-15 vacations, with their parents. But I did. Mr. L and I traveled with my parents to England (Scotland and Wales) twice; Italy, Canada (several times), Washington, Williamsburg, San Francisco, Lancaster PA, Bar Harbor, Portland, Boston ... I can't remember them all right now, but we kept going with my Mum and Dad because they knew how to travel. We always had a great time. Mr. L did not have a happy relationship with the in-laws from his first marriage. He considered my Mum and Dad to be his best friends. (How lucky is that for a daughter?)
My Mum was almost 80 when she got her first computer. She loved to play Mahjong and do jigsaw puzzles online. She checked her email a couple of times a day, and she loved to read about what family and friends and her favorite authors were doing on Facebook. (The last book she read was Duffy's Demise in Denim. She told me, "That Bruce Willis is always up to something!")
But right now I'm hurting. Like Maggie, I haven't been able to do much writing for the past couple of months. Back in January, I started a piece that came out earlier this week. Thinking about death so much, I knew the only way I could get through what was to come was to write about it. I turned to Jeff Resnick to channel my upcoming grief. I literally wrote that story one paragraph at a time. One day I might write 100 words, the next I might write only 25. I kept going and tried to work on other projects, but as my Mum weakened, it was all I could do to get through the day. (Thank goodness I have the most compassionate and the best editor on the planet.)
As Maggie blogged earlier this week, she's trying to adjust to the new normal without her mother. Me, too. Like Maggie, I'm trying to find some structure, a new routine. It's still too new and raw, but I'm hoping that I can find that new normal and adjust. Time is my best ally right now. I need to get back to writing. It's what keeps me going. What keeps me sane. Tricia and Angelica are waiting. So are Katie, Tori and Kathy, and Amanda.
Mr. L (and Leann and Ellery) keep telling me to stop beating myself up, and it was actually Mr. L that said something that really resonated. "No matter what you or anyone else did, the outcome was going to be the same." And I can hear my Mum telling me, "Oh, Lorraine--please don't cry." (But I still can't help it.)
I'm not the only person who ever lost her Mum, and many people left lovely condolences on Facebook that made me cry and made me smile. The ones I like best were the shared memories of their mothers.
Do you have a memory of your mother you'd like to share? If so, please leave a comment.
(P.S. I promise to have a shorter post next week.)
56 comments:
Lorraine---I'm so sorry for you and Mr. L on the lose of your mother. No matter the cause and the time, it's always too soon. I previously made some comments about my Mom when Leann blogged about her mother but want to add a couple more thoughts. We also grew up in a family who loved reading although Mom hid "The Exorcist" when we were coming home from college. Since that movie really affected me (nightmares for years), that was ok. She wasn't the best cook in the world but she made real mincemeat with venison, chokecherry juice, raisins, and some kind of fat. Best I've ever tasted! She loved to wear red, and when the Rasneshees were in Oregon, she would often travel on the bus through the part of the state they had taken over. She would wear a red sweater and wear a cross on the outside of her clothing to show her beliefs. Cordella
- June 19, 2015 at 2:46 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thanks for sharing memories of your mother. I never saw The Exorcist, but I did see the first Alien movie and slept with the light on for a few nights.
- June 19, 2015 at 6:52 AM
Bless your heart. I understand what you are going through. My Mama passed away in March after a year long illness. She never learned to drive and after my Daddy, a Veteran lost his legs to a back injury from his service in the Army, I did all of their running and taking them to doctors. After Daddy passed away and Mama started getting Dementia I had to do everything for her. At the end my daughter and I were taking 7 in the evening until 7 the next evening shifts. It was very hard. I felt so guilty when the doctors finally told me she needed more care than we could give her at home. Like you, everyday I drove away from the hospice/nursing home I cried. I had always promised her that I would never let her go to a nursing home. She gave up and wouldn't eat or talk. I have had a very hard time adjusting to not taking care of her. I still catch my self getting ready to call her or thinking I should take this or that to her. She loved anything out of the garden, so now every time I pick something out of the garden I think about her. She was an excellent southern cook. She made the best corn cakes and peanut butter fudge. I have learned how to make the fudge but my corn cakes just aren't like hers. Life goes on, and it does get a little easier each day. They are gone but will forever be in our hearts. My Daddy has been gone 4 years as of yesterday and I still think of him everyday. I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't having to say goodbye but having to learn to live without them.
- June 19, 2015 at 7:37 AM
- Denise Z. said...
What a lovely tribute for your mother. My mother was a horrible mother (and she did it nine times), but one of the finest people I know. She was the kind of co-worker that if she wasn't at work, everyone missed her. And she was funny. She gave me my love of classic clothes, good homemade fudge, and the shopping gene.
You saw your mom out with dignity, you did not let her go alone and she went knowing that you loved her. I think this is all that anyone can ask. My sincere condolences.
- June 19, 2015 at 8:54 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you, Denise. I'm sure missing her, that's for sure.
- June 19, 2015 at 8:55 AM
- Dr. Mary Kennedy said...
Lorraine, what a beautiful, inspiring post! As I read it, I realized more and more that your mother is always with you. She is with you in every word you write, in your love of nature and beauty and in the warm friendships you have forged with so many readers and authors. So happy you shared these reminiscences with us. She was a remarkable lady and so are you. Sometimes it helps to remember that the only thing worse than losing her...would be to not have had her at all. Hugs, my sweet friend.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:06 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Oh, Jeannie, your words are exactly how I feel. I don't know what to do with myself in the mornings because I'm used to going to her house or the hospice home. My brother came over last night and said he doesn't know what to do with himself in the evenings, because if he wasn't working, we spent every evening with my mother. They would watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. My brother bought my mother flowers at least once (and sometimes three times a week) for at least the last ten years. (Sometimes she used to joke that her living room looking like a funeral parlor because of all the flowers.) He told her he wasn't going to put flowers on a grave. He wanted her to enjoy them. She did.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:19 AM
- Vicki said...
My sympathies for your loss. I lost my Momma in November after a 15 month battle with cancer. I was her caregiver the entire time. Although she said she would never seek treatment if she got cancer,when diagnosed she decided she had too much left to do and we left Virginia for Houston. She had the best medical team in the world, I am sure of it, and after chemo and radiation her PET was clear of cancer of cancer after 10 months. Unfortunately, the cancer returned in September and since it was not curable she returned home and after consulting with her doctor here, who must have learned bedside manner with your mother's doctor, she entered hospice care. Hospice had doctors to see to her needs and came twice a week. We had a wonderful hospice experience, what wonderful people. While her doctor told her she had at least a year, Momma passed away 9 weeks after returning home. She was always in good spirits and we had time to say and plan all the things that needed to be done. I had my list of things I would do, not do and since we loved to travel together, the places I would visit. My mother also gave me my love of reading in general and mysteries in particular. There are good days, bad days and awful days but good days will come more often in time. I know your husband is right in my mind but in my heart I too feel I failed her in some way. As I go to bed every night with her iPod to listen to audiobooks and the quilt she made for me when I graduated high school though I hope she knows I did my best and wouldn't trade that time, difficult at times, for anything. I hope you find your good days soon. I think our Moms are together discussing books, travel, sewing and quilting.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:20 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you, Mary.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:20 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
I'm so sorry for your loss, Vicki. I hope my Mum and your Mom are talking books and quilting. I like that thought.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:22 AM
- Joy Scaggs said...
I'm so sorry to learn of your mothers passing. She will always be with you. I lost my mother to brain cancer when I was 10 years old. At that time we took care of my mom at home. Our dining room is where she stayed with all the noisy breathing machines. I helped to keep her clean and I fed her through a tube in her nose. Mom died June 7 1962 My birthday was the 9th. The one good memory I have is before she became so sick , she would brush my hair and sing You are my Sunshine . Funny after all these years in my mind I hear her beautiful tenor voice singing to me in the night. Love and prayers to you my dear friend.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:26 AM
Oh, Lorraine. This is one of the most beautiful things I have read in a very long time. I am so glad that you and your mother had the relationship that you did. {{hug}}
- June 19, 2015 at 9:27 AM
- Diane said...
As I read your post I was crying. You have such wonderful memories, keep thinking of them and the fun you had with your mother. My Mother died in 2000. She had a stroke and they put a tube in her stomach so she could get food. She only lived about a year after that and I moved her to a nursing home hear in Ct. She had lived about an hour away in Ma. She couldn't drive so I went up every week after my Dad passed in 1976. We would go shopping and out to eat. Like you My husband and I took my parents on vacations with us. Then just Mom and in 1991 when my husband died it was just Mom and me and once in a while with my best friend. We didn't go too far. DC where she thought the building were so white and asked if they washed them all the time. We went to Williamsburg several times and she loved it. To Cape Cod for 15 years in a cottage by the ocean. Pa and the Amish country were she went wild in all the outlets. To Maine too and many other places. Mom was a lot of fun but I do remember getting annoyed with her when I was young. She didn't always seem so much fun then. Now I am just like her and annoy my son too. LOL Sometimes I look in a window and see my reflection and think it is her. I really don't think I look like her but at times I guess I must. I also think you look like your Mom and once in a while you will see her in a reflection too when you are not thinking of her. Like I have said before, talk to her she will know what you are saying and might even answer you in some way. I still talk to my father and once in a while I hear some music right after I do that he loved and is not popular at all. Classical music. Once I even got some mail the next day from the Angel Record Co. Some will say it's a coincidence but I'm not so sure. It's always after I have been upset and talked to him. LOve to you and Mr L.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:31 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
What a beautiful memory. My mother got cancer for the first time in 1962. We were lucky she survived. I'm so sorry you lost your mother at such a tender age.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:31 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
We had our days ... but for the most part, we got along very well. (Especially on vacation. Oh, we had FUN!)
- June 19, 2015 at 9:32 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
What wonderful memories you have of your mother (and dad). I asked my mother to send me pennies from heaven. So far I've found three (in a week)! That's a LOT. I'm putting them in a special (pretty) jar to remember her by.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:34 AM
- Leann Sweeney said...
What a beautiful tribute to the relationship you had with your mom and also your dad. You are a special person and that didn't happen by accident. I am so so sorry for your loss. :-(
- June 19, 2015 at 9:39 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you, Leann. (((((((((((((((U)))))))))))))))
- June 19, 2015 at 9:48 AM
My mother died 35 years ago. Every time I read about someone losing their mom I cry for all of us. I worry about my sons when I die. My mom also knitted and quilted. She was a chemist and she said it helped her relax. The big quilting frame was in the dining room. She taught me how to see on my grandmother's treadle machine. She was so delighted when my dad surprised her with an Electric Singer in a Real Cabinet! I still use it. It has all metal parts. I'm told these machines are valuable. What's really valuable are everything she imparted to me. I wish I could tell her.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:56 AM
- Diane said...
May you find many more Pennies from Heaven Lorraine.
- June 19, 2015 at 10:11 AM
- Linda Reilly said...
Lorraine, I am so, so sorry for your sad loss. What a beautiful woman your mom was--compassionate and kind and fun to be with. I love the photo you posted. My heart and prayers go out to you and to Mr. L. Together you all made such a wonderful family. I hope that the joyful memories you cherish will be able to give you some comfort.
- June 19, 2015 at 10:18 AM
- Maggie Sefton said...
Ohhhh, Lorraine, your post about your mother just squeezed my heart again. Warrior Maggie wanted to grab her sword and slice off that oncologist's head and all those unfeeling medical personnel you and she encountered on her final journey. Thank God your mom finally was in the hands of those caring and loving people at Hospice. That was a blessing to be sure. And I want you to know within, where it counts and where it hurts, that you were a wonderful and caring daughter and no one else could have done as much for her. YOU were the blessing in her life. Please Believe that. She is at peace and out of pain. Your mom and mine were both part of the Greatest Generation. They worked hard and they did not complain, and they are probably sharing stories right now. That love of reading and books was passed down. That is a treasure. We are both so very fortunate to have been raised by such magnificent women. Sendling Blessings to you. Be at Peace, Lorraine.
- June 19, 2015 at 11:01 AM
- Unknown said...
My mother died three weeks ago. Needless to say the tears are flowing as I read your blog. Just when I think I have a handle on my emotions my grief comes flooding back. The smallest thing, a comment or memory, can either bring on smiles or tears, or sometimes both. As I rehash the past year in particular I question whether I did enough, said the right things, hugged as often as I should have, was I a good daughter? It was a rough year for my mom. In less than a year she lost my oldest brother, her sister-in-law/best friend, brother-in-law, brother and her beloved dog. She had few friends left and wasn't able to get together with those still living. My dad lost his battle with cancer 12 years ago. I often wondered why she still had a desire to live while so many of those most important to her were gone. She was almost blind and for the most part immobile and life was a struggle. My siblings and I had healthcare workers come in to her home during the week so that we could maintain our jobs/careers and then took over on the weekends. My husband and I struggled with the idea of moving her in with our family. Ultimately it didn't happen because she wanted to stay in her own home and I needed to continue working for income. Will I regret that decision forever...maybe. I'm convinced that God eventually takes those souls back to a childlike state so that they can endure requiring the help of others for everyday things, the humiliation of needing assistance with personal care needs, allowing their children to provide and care for them as they did when we were children. How lovely that the love and care a parent gives to their child someday turns around so that the child loves and cares for them the same way. About 2 months ago mom went to the hospital with a severe UTI and sepsis and then to rehab. Ironically she died suddenly and unexpectedly of a blood clot in the lung. In the last year my mom took to singing songs from her youth and a favorite was "You Are My Sunshine". We played it at her funeral and I now find myself humming or singing it. It brings me comfort. Experience tells me that I will eventually stop crying and remember her in happier times when she was full of life. I pray the same for you. My thoughts are with you.
- June 19, 2015 at 11:31 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
I cry when I read the posts on Facebook, too. ((((((((((U)))))))))). My Mum left so many quilting project left undone. One of them will get finished, though. It's a baby quilt for my 2nd cousin's new baby. Her grandmother is going to finish it--and it will be a real family project. (Sadly, I didn't receive the "creafty" gene.)
- June 19, 2015 at 11:56 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you, Linda. I've already started going through her things. I think she saved every card she ever received. I'm flabbergasted by how many of them are THANK YOU cards. She sent her friends flowers when they were sick. Magazines subscriptions, quilting material. I must have found 30 so far. I'm sure there will be many more.
- June 19, 2015 at 11:58 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you, Maggie. I hope our Moms get to meet in the afterlife and compare notes on favorite books. (((((((((((((((((((((U))))))))))))))))))))
- June 19, 2015 at 11:59 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Oh, Cynthia. I'm so sorry for your loss. (((((((((((((((U))))))))))))))) I feel like we have been walking in each other's footsteps. Until she went to Mt. Carmel, Mom was living in her own home. She never wanted to go to a nursing home (and neither did we). For peace of mind, we hired a couple of ladies to come be with her. Luckily one of them was her next-door-neighbor, Amy, who is a ball of laughs. They stayed up until 2 in the morning yakking and laughing. Amy told her boys they were girls sleepovers, when they said they wanted to join her. Mum was a bit wary of the home-health aide, and she didn't want her or Amy doing anything for her. So when I'd show up at 7 in the morning, she'd have me help her get dressed, do the laundry, and make her breakfast. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
- June 19, 2015 at 12:06 PM
- Random Felines said...
I am so sorry for your loss. While words can't change the inevitable, it certainly sounds like, despite the evil doctor, you made the most of the time you had....
- June 19, 2015 at 12:40 PM
To each of you who have recently lost your mothers, it will never be gone, but it eventually will become less. Please know that the fact you had a warm and loving relationship with your mothers will bring you serenity eventually. You were blessed and your mothers were blessed to have loving children. Remember the smiles.
- June 19, 2015 at 12:43 PM
- Dru said...
What a beautiful tribute to your mom. {{{{Hugs}}}}}
- June 19, 2015 at 12:47 PM
- Grandma Cootie said...
Oh, Lorraine, what a beautiful post, as are all the comments that have followed. So sorry for your loss. Someone told me something when my daughter died that I have found to be true: you never "get over" the pain and the wondering, and at the beginning it's right in front of your face and you look at everything through it. But suddenly one day you realize it's moved to the side, so it's still always with you, some pain, the memories, but it's along side of you and not in front of you anymore.
My mom died of cancer when I was 34 and she was just 62. (I think I thought of her constantly the year I was 62.) We had convinced her to come and live with our family and she was with us for a couple of years, but when she realized just how sick she was she insisted on going "home" to the midwest and to live with her brother and his family. She said at one point she didn't want my children, then 14, 11, and 9, to see her at the end. She was a fiesty, often frustrating, woman with an often difficult colorful life. and raised 4 of us after my father died. She gave me my love of reading mysteries and those Reader's Digest Condensed Books :-), and could cook, bake and sew like crazy. I love the picture of your mother with the afghan - my mom made afghans for all of us and sewed matching shirts/blouses for my family. She's been gone a long time but sometimes I will still dream of her and wake up in the morning not remembering she's gone and all set to talk with her. Those are good times, though. For as long as I could remember she said she wanted all 9 verses of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" sung at her funeral. We thought she was kidding but she reminded us right before the end. So there we all were with our cheat sheets of the words, singing and crying.
My youngest daughter died in an auto accident just after she turned 21, leaving behind the granddaughter we subsequently adopted. Don't beat yourself up with all the could or should haves. I was mad at God for a long time, and I agonized over what I could have done to control and prevent her death. Should we have moved, made different decisions about schools, disciplined differently - I realized when I was practically backtracked to her birth trying to figure out what I could have done that the answer was nothing. I loved her and I did the best I could and that's what you should remember about your mother. You were a good daughter.
It's coming up on just a year ago that a favorite aunt passed away from cancer. She was my husband's aunt but had been like a mother to me (especially since I have a rotten mother-in-law). I went back to Indiana to see her one last time and to help the cousins if I could. Since my mom had gone back to my uncle's at the end, this was the first time I experienced being a caregiver. It was so hard to see her suffer, and at some point my prayers changed from save her to let her go. But I am very glad I was there and the hospice nurse was one of the most wonderful people I have ever met.
So now I think my mom and daughter are together drinking Cokes, smoking cigarettes (:-() and doing crossword puzzles, and my aunt is going from bingo game to bingo game! Just take one day at a time for now. Hugs to you.
- June 19, 2015 at 12:53 PM
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom in 2006 at the end of a horrible year filled with losses. We did not have a funeral. Instead, my brother, his daughter and I sat around and told stories about her. We spent about 4 hours just laughing together about some of the things she had done. My mom was a hoot and all my friends liked her as well. Some of the best times I can remember were playing cards or Trivial Pursuit with her. We used to laugh so hard we'd have tears running down our faces. My mom, like yours, sewed. She made my clothes when I was young and then taught me how to quilt when I got older. I have a lot of wallhangings she made that are scattered throughout my home with my own creations. Also, when she died, I picked out certain projects she had done and gave them to close friends as remembrance pieces. It made me feel good to know that others would have part of her as well. I still miss her. I don't think you ever get over losing your mother. But I think she would be glad to know that most of the time I miss her because there are good things I want to share with her. I hope that your pain fades and the good memories soon take the place of the agony her passing has caused.
- June 19, 2015 at 2:03 PM
- Unknown said...
I'm so sorry Lorraine. My heart goes out to you. I love the picture you posted of your mother. She has a gleam in her eye like someone who is a joy to know. Shame on her doctor for not being the type of caring individual we'd think they'd NEED and WANT to be, considering their profession. I'm glad you found comfort in the wonderful hospice care. It seems to me that those individuals are angels here on Earth.
Another one of the comments reflected what I feel, in my heart also..that it's the learning how to live without them that's the hardest. I lost my dad when I was only 28 (I'm 54 now), and it never stops hurting. We just have to learn, slowly, a new way of life. Be kind to yourself during this whole process because your mother would want that. Life is a mystery and all we have is love to go on. You will always have that love, from your mother. You will see her and feel her in everything that you do or experience. My sincerest condolences to you and your family. Kerry Munroe Callahan
- June 19, 2015 at 2:27 PM
What a lovely tribute to a lovely woman. It sure sounds like she did a fabulous job raising you.
There are so many losses in our lives that we have to deal with, but I think losing your mother has to be the hardest. I'm lucky, my mother, at 97, is still alive. She is, however, trapped by dementia and unable to communicate except occasionally and very simply. Most of the time when I visit, she does seem to recognize me, and sometimes I can even see joy in her eyes, rather than bewilderment. But she is not ready to quit, so neither will I or my sisters.
Your mother will forever live on in your heart and soul - she is obviously a big part of who you are, and that is her greatest gift to you. Moving forward with that gift into your new normal will be hard, but it is something she spent your whole life preparing you to do.
Be kind to yourself. She would be, too.
- June 19, 2015 at 3:08 PM
- Unknown said...
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this time.
I was caregiver for my mom for five years, the last three were spent in a nursing home. We lost my father in law to cancer and my mother in Sept. 2014.
Many trips to out of town hospitals for both those last few months, made life difficult.
My mom and I did not have a great relationship but we did get closer at the end. It was hard as my brothers are both out of state.
But I would not have given up this time to really get to know those two important people in my life.
It was the hardest job I have ever done and I miss the long talks and advice she gave me.
- June 19, 2015 at 3:46 PM
- Rachelle21 said...
I wish i could have written a tribute like you wrote. Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful person. My mother died very suddenly and my father did not know who I was before he died. Prayers for your family.
- June 19, 2015 at 3:59 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you. And yes, we did.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:25 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you, Annette.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:26 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thanks, Dru. (((((((((((((((U)))))))))))))))
- June 19, 2015 at 4:26 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
I'm so sorry you've such sadness in your life. ((((((((((U)))))))))) I'm still in "beat myself up mode" but I don't think it will last as long as when my Dad died (which was three years). Like you, I went from save her to let her go. The last two weeks of her life were terribly hard on everybody--most of all her.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:31 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
I'm glad your family had a good time telling funny stories about your mom. My mother (and father) didn't want any kind of service, either. I was dreading going to the funeral home to make arrangements, because I've had to do it two times in the past 6 years (for my Dad and my mother in law). This time my brother went with me (Mr. L was out of town). I'm so glad he went. He doesn't handle emotions well, so he kept cracking jokes. The funeral director was VERY young, and we ended up trading funny stories. I won't say it was fun, but laughing sure beats crying. We remembered my mother with joy, not sorrow. When we left, the funeral director shook my hand and said, "It really was a pleasure to work with you." He was still smiling.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:35 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you, Kerry.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:36 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you. I hope the next time you see your mother that she recognizes you -- if only for a brief moment. That would be a wonderful gift.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:37 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Thank you. You were a wonderful daughter to your mother. I'm famous for saying, "A daughter's a daughter all her life" because it's true. I probably didn't have to do as much as I did for my parents. (I see lots of people who do NOTHING for their "loved" ones), but even if I complained, I wouldn't change a thing.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:39 PM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
I'm so sorry. The last two weeks, my mother didn't know who I was, either--because of the pain meds. That made it really hard. But your dad loved you like she loved me, I'm sure. ((((((((((U))))))))))
- June 19, 2015 at 4:40 PM
Sorry for your loss and what a beautiful tribute. Your mother will always be with you, as mine is with me.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:50 PM
- Unknown said...
I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear mum. Please know that her doctor is in the minority regarding pain management. He/she should be brought up on charges of negligence. I'm so sorry that happened to your mum. Our Dr. Dennis Chapman is THE BEST when it comes to pain control. He says that in this day and age, with all the advancements, there is no earthly reason for anyone to suffer in pain. I, too, lost my parents and my in-laws - three of them over the course of a year. That was a tough row to hoe, I can tell you. I miss my mother every single day... and probably always will.
- June 19, 2015 at 4:56 PM
- holdenj said...
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet mother. I think of mine everyday. We shared a love of mysteries too and I always cheer when I've discovered a new series over the years that she would have liked.
- June 19, 2015 at 6:00 PM
My mother got a memo about what a perfect dauhter would be. Unfortunately, she did not share, and I did not receive a copy. I did everything I could to live up to her expectations but was doomed to fail. When she died, I grieved the mother I wished I'd had, and tried to grieve the mother I got. You are so very blessed to have had the wonderful relationship you had.
- June 19, 2015 at 6:51 PM
- Kaye Killgore said...
Ao sorry for your loss, but what a beautiful tribute. Prayers and healing hugs your way.
- June 19, 2015 at 9:40 PM
- karolynyoakum said...
I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I am older then you and it has been 40 years since I lost my dear mother at the age of 54 to the big C. . There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about my parents. I lost my dad in 2001 at the age of 96. They are a part of my soul. Maybe that's the way it is suppose to be. I too understand the guilt you feel. I was not with my mom when she passed. I will always regret that. But there are the little things we should have done or said but we didn't. Times when we should have been there but we couldn't. My mother was a short beautiful lady with a wonderful giving heart. But she could also be a little spit fire. My mom and dad had a wonderful relationship. He ALWAYS let her think she was the boss. LOL.... I loved that. He didn't care. He loved her. She will always be close to me and apart of me. RIGHT here in my heart and soul. Big ((((HUGS)))) and prayers that it all gets easier for you to bear. God Bless you. We have to celebrate our blessings.
- June 20, 2015 at 11:37 AM
- Lorraine Bartlett said...
Yes, you're right. And you're also right about the little things left undone that bother me. We were going to visit a nearby tea shop but just never got around to it. It was either too hot, or too snowy or ... something.
- June 21, 2015 at 7:11 AM
- Carrie @ Novel Destination~Used Book Emporium said...
Dear Lorraine,
You have joined the elder orphans club. None of us wanted to be a part of it but it happened. I am glad that you were able to write through your pain. I am ashamed to read about the way the Dr. and staff could not take the time to listen and make your Moms last months more comfortable BEFORE she left her home. What I thought was typical nursing care expectations--advocating for your Mom and keeping her safe/comfortable is not so universal after all. :( My dear Uncle recently died and I struggled with how I would tell my Mom (she had loved the younger siblings so much), then remembered she had died 4 years ago. Every so often you will get a jolt like that. I am happy to know that you have wonderful memories of all your trips together along with your Mom's skill at making things to wrap her loved ones in knitted, tailored and quilted items. Sincere best wishes. Carrie Wolfgang
- June 21, 2015 at 11:35 AM
- katherine is love said...
What a beautiful post (and please, don't worry about making them shorter! I love reading your longer posts). I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother was a beautiful woman and she looks so happy in that photo. I am 28 years old and have recently had two friends (both my age) who lost their mothers to cancer. It reminds me that I shouldn't take my mother for granted and assume she will be around forever. I hope that you find peace in the wonderful memories you have with her.
- June 24, 2015 at 8:04 AM
- Barb W. said...
I was sitting by my window today, missing my mom, who passed away last August 31st. She was 98 1/2 years old. Everybody said, "She had a good long life. You should be glad you had so long with her." And that's true, but it doesn't stop this hole in my heart from aching sometimes, and it doesn't make the "anniversaries" any easier. I'm almost 70 myself, but I miss her every day and still cry a little, but not so frequently. I will keep you and your lovely mother in my heart and in my prayers.
- July 13, 2015 at 2:12 PM
- Mary Beth at www.mbzinteriors.com said...
So sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. You wrote a beautiful tribute to a pretty lady. I was surprised how deeply depressed I was after my mom died. I was shocked because I was an adult and at first I did not handle it well at all. Luckily I had three small children. I remembered when I was 7 my grandmother (my mom's mom died). I don't remember my mom falling apart but I bet she was inside. So I stood tall and kept going for my children. They brought me out of the hole I could have quickly fallen into but when they weren't around I gave myself permission to cry. So go ahead and be depressed, be sad, don't write, do whatever you want and whatever you need to mourn your mom and relive beautiful memories of her. Take care, Sincerely, Mary Beth
- July 19, 2015 at 7:38 PM


text:
Theatre Professor Susan Russell named Penn State laureate for 2014-15
Theatre Professor Susan Russell named Penn State laureate for 2014-15
UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. — Susan Russell, associate professor of theatre, has been named the Penn State laureate for the 2014-15 academic year. She succeeds 2013-14 Penn State Laureate Kenneth Womack, senior associate dean for Academic Affairs and professor of English and integrative arts at Penn State Altoona.
The Penn State laureate, an honorary position established in 2008, is a full-time faculty member in the humanities or the arts who is assigned half-time for one academic year to bring an enhanced level of social, cultural, artistic and human perspective and awareness to a broad array of audiences. The individual appears at University events at Penn State campuses and throughout the state at various community programs in hopes of adding a more human dimension to the conduct of the usual affairs and business of these locations.
As laureate, Russell plans to highlight, promote and enhance the programs at Penn State and in surrounding communities that work to address the many social challenges faced by young people.
"I will speak about various languages of creativity, and how these languages can bridge communication gaps between diverse cultures and disciplines," she said. "And I will work diligently to open dialogues between our campuses and communities that will foster, promote and maintain an environment where everyone — students and citizens alike — learns, experiences and creates."
Russell was selected by President Rodney Erickson following a recommendation by the review committee. The committee, chaired by Blannie Bowen, vice provost for Academic Affairs, included David Christiansen, associate vice president and senior associate dean for academic programs in the Office of the Vice President for Commonwealth Campuses; Barbara Korner, dean of the College of Arts and Architecture; Ryan McCombie, a member of the Board of Trustees; Christopher Staley, distinguished professor of art in the College of the Liberal Arts and the 2012-13 Penn State laureate; Bonj Szczygiel, associate professor of landscape architecture and women's studies in the College of Arts and Architecture; and Susan Welch, dean of the College of the Liberal Arts.
"Susan Russell's commitment to diversity awareness through the performing arts has fostered meaningful dialogue far beyond the classroom. She has served as a cultural ambassador and advocate at the University Park campus and in the State College community, and as the Penn State laureate she will be able to share similar exchanges across the University and the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania," Erickson said.
Russell uses her skills as an actor, stage director, playwright, author and speaker to advocate for human rights. In 2007, soon after joining the Penn State faculty, she founded Cultural Conversations, a new works festival devoted to issues of local and global diversity. The only university festival of its kind in the United States, the weeklong event features new artworks by Penn State School of Visual Arts students, new dance pieces choreographed by students and faculty, and new plays written by local and international playwrights. The core programming of Cultural Conversations is Body Language, a storytelling and performance program that has brought middle school, high school and university students together with community members to talk about the social issues that define growing up in the 21st century.
Russell's books, "Body Language: Cultural Conversations Reaching Out and Reaching In" and "Body Language: Stop the Violence/Start the Conversation," are texts designed to offer day-by-day templates for school systems on how to use playwriting, media and public performance to explore issues that affect middle and high school students.
Russell graduated summa cum laude with a doctorate in theatre studies from Florida State University in 2008. She received her undergraduate degree in theatre from St. Andrews Presbyterian College in Laurinburg, N.C., in 1979. Between educational pursuits, she experienced a 25-year career as a professional actor on and off Broadway — including five years in the Broadway production of "Phantom of the Opera" — in regional theatre and at opera companies across the country.
As a professional playwright, her works "Olympia" (1998) and "Present Perfect" (1999) have been produced by Lincoln Center and the Emerging Artist Theatre in New York City. Her play "Severe Clear" was a semifinalist in the 2006 O'Neill Theatre Center Playwriting Competition, and her 2009 play "Écoute: Pieces of Reynaldo Hahn" toured 40 venues in the United States, starring Penn State School of Music faculty member Norman Spivey. Russell recently initiated a collaboration between the School of Theatre's bachelor of arts program and Penn State's Office of Student Affairs to produce student-generated films on drinking and sexual assault, and the first of these films will be shown to the first-year student class of 2017.
Russell, who teaches playwriting, history of American musical theatre, women in theatre, and graduate literature and criticism seminars in ancient theatre, won the Penn State Commission for Women's Achieving Woman Award in 2012 and the Centre County Youth Service Bureau's Dr. Edward Vogelsong Professional Excellence Award in 2013. Also in 2013, she was selected as one of the "Faces of Penn State." A popular speaker and academic presenter, Russell has spoken to local, national and international audiences about "how to make choices that make change, and how to make change make sense."
For more details about current and past Penn State laureates, visit http://laureate.psu.edu. Additional information about the Penn State laureate program is available at http://www.psu.edu/vpaa/laureate.htm.


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Sports Card Forum Card Cash (CC) is a reward point system for SCF members. Generally, Card Cash has bee used in a 100 Card Card equals $1 ratio value system to purchase items on SCF.
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Welcome to Alpha Beta 46.
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Communities for a Better Environment, known for its watchdog efforts around Chevron's Richmond oil refinery, has filed a lawsuit against the Bay Area Air Quality Management District for authorizing a permit to Chevron for a refinery construction project that's still undergoing environmental review.
The project, known as a "modernization" in Chevron lingo, would essentially make it easier for the oil giant to process lower-quality crude, an industrial practice that CBE contends could significantly increase greenhouse-gas emissions.
CBE's lawsuit charges that the Air District granted an "authority to construct" permit, which also authorizes operation, despite the fact that a state-mandated environmental review process is far from complete, with a draft review being released just this past March. "The authority to construct should be issued after the [environmental impact review]," CBE attorney explained Roger Lin explained in an interview.
The permit was originally granted in 2008, Lin explained, but it was based on an earlier environmental review that was later thrown out in court, because it failed to properly calculate the resulting air quality impacts. Since then, stricter greenhouse-gas regulations were passed, and Chevron was discovered to be emitting more harmful particulate matter into the air than it claimed to be. Meanwhile, a new environmental review process got underway.
Nevertheless, the "authority to construct" permit was renewed in 2012. "This permit was approved the same month that the Chevron Refinery blew up," igniting a fire that could be seen for miles, noted CBE spokesperson Steven Low.
What's more is that the draft environmental review proposes to mitigate new greenhouse gas emissions that would be released by the refining process "through cap-and-trade," noted Lin. "For us, it's not true mitigation."
When the Bay Guardian phoned the Air District for comment, Public Information Officer Ralph Borrman told us there wasn't much he could say on the matter. "Since it's a lawsuit," he said, "We're just not able to comment on current or existing information."


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Losing weight is often a struggle for many people, and no matter how much weight they are looking to lose, they most often try to eat less to lose more. However, while reducing the amount of food they consume, they may not be as healthy as they would like. Nutrisystem knows the importance of weight management, and uses structured meal plans, many different forms of support and the glycemic index to help its weight loss program members achieve their goals.
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My friend Josh sent me the link to these restaurants today, and I laughed so hard at some of them, I knew I had to post them here.
Check them out!
To start, a local business: a Chinese restaurant in Cambridge, Massachusetts!
I will never order from them because of their name. Who actually wants Pu Pu Hot Pot? (Besides, whenever I get greasy Chinese food, it's usually post-clubs at 3:00 AM in Chinatown.)
Cambridge is full of college students — hello, Harvard and MIT! — and I'm sure that so many of them get a kick out of the restaurant's name that Pu Pu Hot Pot will always stay in business.
Here are a few others:
My dung.
Vagina Tandoori.
No comment.
If this is all you eat, it will happen faster than you think.
Crabby Dick's.
(My dad is named Dick. My friends love his name. He's not crabby very often, though.)
Here are the rest. I love them.
(Also: things have changed SO much over the past few months! You won't believe just how much spam I'm getting in my comments!)
But, seriously, I'm grateful to you for all the emails you sent me. I needed a break, and I'm back. Just wait until you see the horrible sign around the corner from my office…it is so bad, you guys will LOVE it!


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Ross Douthat is the third columnist this week who is trying his hand as a Romney speechwriter following on an effort by Robert Samuelson on Monday, and David Brooks on Tuesday. Let's see what he's got.
Douthat has a plan for what Romney should "tell the 47 percent." He begins by noting that Romney is at best even with President Obama among white working class voters outside of the South. He tells readers that Romney is even losing some voters who are convinced that Obama is really Kenyan. The problem is that they think Romney is for the rich. Anyhow, Douthat has some plans to convince the 47 percent otherwise.
His begins by mentioning two items that it would be great to see any politician champion. The first is a plan by Glenn Hubbard, one of Romney's top economic advisers, to allow underwater homeowners to refinance at low interest rates. While President Obama has already embraced part of this package (all underwater homeowners with loans guaranteed by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac can now refinance their loans), there are other parts that could still profitably be pursued.
Hubbard's proposal calls for eliminating excess costs in the financing process that increase the gap between the rates paid by borrowers and the interest received by lenders. These are all the fees that go to mortgage brokers, title insurers, closing lawyers. There are tens of billions of dollars wasted every year on these middle people who contribute virtually nothing or nothing to the process. If Romney, Obama, or anyone else can push through measures that would reduce these costs, that would be great policy.
The other item on the table is breaking up too big to fail banks, a policy recently trumpeted by that well know socialist, George Will. True believers in markets don't want the government to subsidize banks with an implicit guarantee. This is just a handout, but most politicians from both parties have been happy to use taxpayers dollars for this purpose. (Question for Romney: are the subsidizedWall Street bankers part of the 47 percent?)
Okay, but let's get to the speech. The first item is to assure the 47 percent that Romney would not raise their taxes:
"Whatever shape tax reform ultimately takes, under my administration, no middle or working class American will pay a penny more in taxes than they do today. Not a penny more. And to prove that I'm serious about protecting working families, tonight I'm calling for a four-year extension of the payroll tax cut, so that Americans don't have to worry about seeing their tax bills go up an average of $1000 when the cut expires next year."
This is interesting. If we cut taxes for the wealthy and we don't take back deductions and we also extend the payroll tax cut then we are talking about considerably larger deficits. That's okay by me, but I believe in arithmetic. The Washington pundit/policy types who worship at the alter of balanced budgets and don't care about the arithmetic of GDP accounting (in the current economy, lower deficits will mean less demand, less growth, and therefore higher unemployment) would likely be very upset by Douthat's plan to have Romney push for higher deficits. It might also be hard to reconcile Romney's call for trillion dollar plus annual deficits with all of those ads yelling about President Obama's huge deficits.
Okay, let's move on the health care:
"We're going to repeal Obamacare: It taxes too much, cuts Medicare too deeply, pours more money into a broken system and piles on regulations that will keep driving costs up and up and up. But tonight I want to speak to Americans who don't have health insurance, or struggle to pay for it, and make this pledge: Under my administration, you will not be forgotten. I promise to create a tax credit, worth thousands of dollars, to help people who don't get insurance through their employers. I promise to expand high-risk pools where people with pre-existing conditions could get coverage more cheaply than they do today. When I was governor of Massachusetts, we cut the number of uninsured by more than half. Tonight, I'm setting the same goal as president – and we don't need a government takeover of health care to do it."
Hmmm, this one could be a bit of a problem. Douthat wants Romney to announce the end of Obamacare as a wasteful boondoggle and then boast about how he cut the number of uninsured in Massachusetts by more than half. Of course the way that Romney reduced the number of uninsured in Massachusetts by more than half was by implementing Obamacare. As M.I.T economist Jonthan Gruber, who advised both Romney and Obama, has commented, it's the same damn plan. But hey, we're just talking about getting this one by the Washington press corps. Douthat could be right, Romney might be able to pull it off.
Then we have the Romney plan for Medicare:
"But first, by asking wealthy Americans – the Warren Buffetts and Bill Gateses and others like them — to put a little more money toward their medical care, so that everyone else's costs don't have to rise. And second, by getting insurers to bid against one another to drive the cost of Medicare down, so that you can get the same benefits at a lower price. Let me be clear: If my plan doesn't work, the government will be on the hook, not seniors. Nobody, I repeat nobody, will be left without coverage. But I believe that it will work – and doing nothing, as the president prefers, is simply not an option."
Okay the wealthy Americans line is cute, but in reality we can snap our fingers and nix benefits for the Warren Buffets and the Bill Gateses and we will be left with the exact same problem. We won't have to change any numbers in our projections since they are usually rounded to the closest billion and the few million dollars we will save from this brilliant plan probably won't even affect the rounding. Unless we think that people who earn $40,000 a year are like the Warren Buffetts and Bill Gateses, we won't get enough from this sort of means testing to make it worth bothering with. Oh yeah, these people also paid for their benefits, but whose counting?
Then we have the second part, we're going to have private "insurers bid against one another to drive the cost of Medicare down." What a great idea! This is kind of like what we did in the 90s with Medicare Plus Choice, courtesy of the Gingrich Congress. Then we had Medicare Advantage, brought to you by President George W. Bush. Both of these experiments led to higher costs, not lower costs. And we have the huge private insurance market for the non-Medicare population which doesn't work very well. But hey, let's keep trying the same experiment, it may work one of these days.
Anyhow, that's Douthat's pitch as a Romney speechwriter. Does he get the job?
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