text:
- Text Size:
- ASmall Text
- AMedium Text
- ALarge Text
She was on probation for a 2011 conviction on charges related to the theft of a necklace, but that probation was jeopardized in November 2012 when the city attorney in Santa Monica, California, filed four charges against her in connection with a car crash last summer.
In the Santa Monica case, Lohan is accused of giving false information to a police officer, obstructing or resisting a police officer in the performance of his duty, and reckless driving, according to the city attorney's office.
The charges, all misdemeanors, stem from a car crash while Lohan was on her way to the set for the filming of "Liz & Dick," a Lifetime movie that aired last year.


text:
Buy Minnesota Timberwolves tickets online by selecting the event from the Minnesota Timberwolves schedule below. At our website you'll find great deals for sold out and premium tickets for Minnesota Timberwolves events as well as event schedules and information. Should you have any questions about ordering tickets to Minnesota Timberwolves , please don't hesitate to contact us.
Thank you for having tickets for Mamma Mia. The seats were excellent, tickets arrived in time and thank you for the free upgrade... don't think we didn't notice. Will tell our friends all about Box Office Ticket Sales. Keep up the good work. -- Nancy P. New York
About Us | Contact Us | Link to Us
Sitefinity ASP.NET CMS

subset: commoncrawl


text:
La personnalisation des lames des couteaux de cuisine et couteaux de poche est offerte.
The whole knife is forged in a single mass of CARBON steel. The steel, Rockwell 54-56 HRC, is tempered, ground and polished crosswise to produce a high-quality tool, great cutting power, cutting hardness and balance. POM handles are manually set and mounted on the tang using three through rivets.


text:
Kids really feel like Spider-Man when they're wearing his Spidey gloves! These kids' gloves match our Spider-Man Muscle Chest costume (sold separately). Stretchy; fits all our costume sizes. For ages 4 and up. Imported. See Product Details
Encourage your child's development with Leaps and Bounds terrific toys, educational tools, and activities. Shop Online or Call 1-800-274-8440 Leaps and Bounds Kids © Copyright 2013


text:
Archives > Sports
WEB EXCLUSIVE: Becoming the hunters: Wolves baseball looking for return to relevancy
BY Kevin Hageland, firstname.lastname@example.com
From 2007-10, there few high school baseball teams more feared then Plano West.
The Wolves made the playoffs for the first time in 2007, won the Class 5A State Championship and Max Preps National Title in 2008 and returned to the Class 5A State Tournament in 2010.
But West hasn't been in the playoffs since its last trip to Round Rock.
"We are working on getting back to playing Plano West baseball."
Clark, a staple of the program who worked his way up from volunteer assistant, is in his first year at the helm. He is the team's third head coach in three years as Kendall Clark departed for Coppell after 2011 and Don English stayed for just the 2012 season.
That lack of continuity showed early this season as West started 2-5.
"Three years, three head coaches, three different ways of doing things," Clark said, "so we figured it was going to take a tournament or two to really get going."
The turning point came midway through the Jesuit Classic.
West, which finished non-district at 7-5, completed that event with wins over Mesquite Poteet and Burleson Centennial. That was followed up March 7 with the opening day of the Austin ISD Classic where the Wolves defeated Stephen F. Austin High (7-0) and Eagle Pass (7-4).
"That was the best day we had during our tournaments," Clark said. "We played so well and had so much momentum going for us."
West's momentum continued to build Tuesday with a 7-2 victory over McKinney Boyd in the District 10-5A opener.
"Last year we tore it up in tournament season and then sort of fell apart in district," Clark said. "So it was important to show we could do this in district."
Tuesday's win was the first step in a potential return to the playoffs, a return that is particularly important to seniors Billy McKinney and Aaron Draper. Those two were on West's 2010 state team and are part of a core 2013 group that includes three-year varsity lettermen seniors Blake Bruce and Connor Smith.
Draper (shortstop) and Smith (catcher) have been particularly important in the field.
"We always knew Connor was a good hitter, but he keeps getting better and better defensively; our pitchers can throw that curve in the dirt and know he'll stop it," Clark said. "And for Aaron, what can you say? He's been making plays that are awe-inspiring. You drop your jaw, but have to pick it right back up because he's going to do it again."
The play of Draper and Smith, along with McKinney "who just gobbles up everything in center field," has Clark feeling extremely confident about his team's defense.
"We might not be hitting at the level we were in 2008 or pitching as well as we did in 2010," he said, "but defensively, we are playing as well as I've ever seen us."
That can be seen across the dirt with junior Riley Wayland at third base, junior Kosuke Nishitani at second and senior Mason Gentry at first. Gentry has already signed to play football at SMU.
"Mason casts a pretty big shadow," Clark said. "But I think people discount his athleticism. They see his size (6-foot-7) and figure he's just a big basher so we put him at first, but he is really athletic as well."
Gentry is probably the second most highly-touted athlete on the team.
The top spot belongs to McKinney, who was in two All-American games in August, has signed to play baseball at TCU and is a candidate to be taken in the top four rounds of the 2013 MLB First-Year Player Draft in June. McKinney has started since he was a freshman.
"As talented as Billy is, he's an even better kid," Clark said.
McKinney will be flanked by left fielder Bruce and sophomore right fielder Eungjae Kim.
Bruce is also part of a West pitching staff that is more undefined.
"We had a lot of senior pitchers graduate," Clark said. "So we've used a lot of young arms during the tournaments to see who can pitch for us at this level."
The standout was senior Nick Gripp. The team's No. 1 picked up a shutout versus Austin and won Tuesday's district opener.
"Nick is a big, tall righty with great stuff," Clark said.
Gripp is followed by sophomore Preston Betz, the team's No. 2, and a cavalcade of other arms with sophomore Brady Taylor, Nishitani (who threw an 82-pitch complete game) and Wayland also in the mix.
West returns to the diamond at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday on the road against Allen.
"We have guys on this team that were here when we were really good," Clark said. "But they've also been here for our struggles the past couple seasons and this group wants to be the one that turns it around."
The following are comments from the readers.
In no way do they represent the view of Starlocalnews.com
In no way do they represent the view of Starlocalnews.com
You must register with a valid email to post comments.
Only your Member ID will be posted with the comments.
Only your Member ID will be posted with the comments.
Registered users sign in here:
Become a Registered User
- Return to: Sports «
- Home «
- Top of Page ^


text:
4 Meetup Groups match "Women Entrepreneurs" near Quitman, AR
Welcome to CAWIB - Central Arkansas Women in Business Central Arkansas Women in Business is a networking group for Professional Women and Women Business Owners in the Greater Little Rock Area. We are a relationship building group. This group is dedicated to helping women in business reach high levels of success. This is an invitation to all women business owners, entrepreneurs or women who work in any capacity in the business world. We have a limit of 30 per meeting and each attendee may bring s …
There are no upcoming Meetups.
Meeting to conduct an open forum of business topics. Startups, growth strategies, succession, turn-arounds. Most business related topics would be encouraged. Meeting for food, drinks, and desserts and great conversation. Exchange ideas that work and those that do not. Brave the first meeting, I think you will consider it time well spent. If you have questions, email me at firstname.lastname@example.com
Girlfriends, ETC....is for women in Little Rock, AR and surrounding areas who want to form close and fun relationships with other women. Group activities will include, movies, coffee, lunch, dinner, spa dates, activities with children, families, exercise, festivals, birthdays, happy hour and much more! We look forward to fun and new memories.
Meetup details are available only to members.
This group was created for small business owners who have attended and would like to attend our small business networking events that are held monthly in the Central Arkansas area. Small business owners can use our experience and resources to develop the vital skills needed to win more customers and grow their business. There will be an opportunity to expose their business to other local businesses and acquire new prospects and customers. We encourage you to bring promotional material and busine …
Get an alert email when new Meetup Groups like this start near you.
You'll get advice, help finding members, and tools to make running a Meetup Group easier.


text:
TORRINGTON >> The former Eagle Bicycle Company and Progressive Manufacturing Company's tower will join the growing list of old Torrington buildings to be demolished, the Torrington Preservation Trust announced Friday.
The old red brick building at the corner of Pulaski and Norwood streets, will be demolished after the roof of the tower collapsed recently and officials from the organization say the area of the tower is now unsafe.
Once the home of the Eagle Manufacturing Company, purchased by a group of men including John and George Alvord and Achille Migeon in 1891, the factory operated at the Norwood Street location until 1905. It was then sold and re-fitted as the Progressive Manufacturing Company, which made nuts, bolts and screws.
In 1960, Progressive was sold to Pheoll, which ceased operation in 1982.
It will become the fourth Torrington property with historical significance to be demolished in the past two years. In early 2011, the old Torrington train station on Water Street was knocked down. The Franklin Street factory complex also went. And the Torrington Preservation Trust recently agreed to allow the demolition of the Mission-style Kelley warehouse building on Water Street after it was similarly determined to be beyond repair.
In its announcement, the Preservation Trust said it "believes that these architecturally and historically significant buildings provide an important link to our history and an understanding of our community. Each time one is demolished, the unique and historical character of Torrington changes forever. We believe our historic buildings and the unique sense of place that they create can and should be the foundation of economic revitalization and we will continue to work to find ways to rehabilitate and reuse these structures."
Reach Ricky Campbell at 860-489-3121 x343 and subscribe to posts at Facebook.com/RickyCampbell25. Find an error in this story? Email firstname.lastname@example.com.
See inaccurate information in a story? Other feedback and/or ideas for us to consider? Tell us here.
Local Guide
Business Name
Location, ST | website.com
Social Wire
National News Videos
- Winchester man accused of kidnapping woman at gunpoint, barricading self in home (32)
- Police reports for June 19 (24)
- Report: Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez, of Bristol, questioned in homicide investigation (20)
- Families fight to keep truck owner in Avon Mountain crash behind bars (10)
- St. Anthony's School in Winsted unearths time capsule (8)
- NBA FINALS: Miami Heat defeat the San Antonio Spurs in overtime to force Game 7 (8)
- Search for missing man in Farmington River suspended because of darkness (7)
Recent Activity on Facebook
Blog Center
Fact Check Blog
Follow the Register Citizen Fact Check blog to find out what mistakes we have made and what we have done to correct them.
CT State Politics
The Connecticut State Politics blog covers all the news from the seat of Connecticut's government and the state's elected leaders with original reporting from Journal Register Connecticut staff, links to stories from other media and blogs, press releases, statements and more.
Guide to Religious Services
Note: All listings are paid advertisements.
Unity in the Foothills
102 Prospect Street, Torrington, Ct 06790
A Course in Miracles Tuesday evenings 7 p.m.
Transformational Prayer Group Thursday 1:15 p.m. and Sunday 9 a.m.
First United Methodist Church
21 Fern Drive, Torrington, CT 06790
Rev. Barbara B. Shaffer, Pastor
860-489-8084 www.fumctorr.org
Email email@example.com
Sunday Service at 9:30 a.m.
Sunday School from 10:45 a.m. to 11:45 a.m.
Pre-K thru Adult
Northfield Bible Church
10 Camp Hill Road, Northfield, CT 06778
860-283-9598 www.nccindependent.org
Bible Doctrines Class: Sunday at 9:00 a.m.
Sunday Service at 10:00 a.m.
Bible Study: Wednesday at 7:00 p.m.
Pot Luck Supper every 4th Friday of the Month at 6:15 p.m.
First Assembly of God
387 New Harwinton Road, Torrington, CT 06790
860-482-7464 www.firstagtorr.org
Sunday School for all ages 9:30 a.m.
Sunday Worship Service at 10:45 a.m.
Family Night Thursday at 7:00 p.m.
Adult Bible Study Prayer Service: Saturday at 9:15 a.m.
Cable 5 Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 3 p.m.
Founders Congregational Church
41 Birge Park Road, Harwinton, CT 06791
Sunday School and Services 10:00 a.m.
Bible Study: Tuesday at 7:00 p.m. and Thursday at 10:00 a.m.
Center Congregational Church
155 Main Street, Torrington, CT 06790
Email email@example.com
Sunday Services and Church School at 10:00 a.m.
Second Congregational Church of Winsted
Biblical, Traditional, Protestant Worship
800 Main Street, Winsted, CT 06098
Baptist and Congregational
Worship 10:00 a.m.
Sunday School 9:00 a.m.
July - August Worship 9:30 a.m.
Hours: 8:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Monday - Thursday
8:30 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. Friday
email firstname.lastname@example.com
Note: All listings are paid advertisements.


text:
Aims of the MA Program in Peace and Conflict Studies
The MA Program in Peace and Conflict Studies aims at enhancing students' competences and abilities in crisis prevention, conflict management and the promotion of peace. Students learn to analyze conflicts and their underlying causes, they develop practical skills in peaceful conflict transformation and develop and deepen their motivation to participate in the creation of a world society living in peace and justice.
The study program enhances students' abilities to work in an academic-analytic manner. They gain deep knowledge about research approaches and methods used in social sciences, which are required for analysis in peace studies. Students are enabled to identify and classify problems and to develop strategies for their solution. The study program aims at furthering students' interdisciplinary and practice-oriented research competence. This is supported by research projects and internships.
Career Perspectives
There is a wide variety of career perspectives for graduates of the MA Program in Peace and Conflict Studies. Employment is possible in all areas where competences and skills for conflict analysis, the development of strategies for conflict management and the promotion of peace are requested or desired.
This covers activities on a national and international level in politics and public administration, in social organizations as well as in the intermediate sector, e.g. with political parties, foundations and non-governmental organizations, in development cooperation and conflict management, in the areas of political consulting and mediation, in the media and education as well as in business. Furthermore, there are job opportunities at universities, university-level institutions and academic research institutions. For more information about the careers of our students please click here.


text:
Texas on Friday became the latest state to sue BP, Halliburton and others tied to the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil spill, alleging the parties "engaged in willful and wanton misconduct" and seeking penalties and damages.
Beware the "crazy ants."
You wouldn't want to shower in it, but researchers have discovered pockets of water in a deep reservoir in Canada that may be up to 2.64 billion years old.
Booming North American oil production is reshaping world markets and will help satisfy the growing thirst for oil in the developing world, according to the International Energy Agency.
Call it a historic technological achievement. Call it a victory lap across America. Call it a shameless promotion for a controversial energy agenda. Its owners simply call it Solar Impulse.
The life cycle of the periodical cicada is the stuff of horror movies: millions of large flying insects that crawl out of the ground after 17 years to mate loudly, lay eggs and die.
In some ways, it's just a number, but it's a big number with enormous implications.
For the first time, scientists measured an average concentration of atmospheric carbon dioxide of 400 parts per million in Mauna Loa, Hawaii, where the National Ocean...
Some people want to make a difference, but don't want to pay more. Sometimes, though, Earth-friendly can also be wallet-friendly.
For more than 30 years, Susan Haig's mission has been to ensure that endangered bird species don't become extinct.
Europe is banning certain pesticides in a bid to save the continent's bee population.
America's air is getting cleaner, which doesn't just mean a healthier public -- it also saves the U.S. billions of dollars.


text:
Johnsons Bathtime Essentials 7-Piece Gift Set is $11.19 on Amazon. Regularly $20. See other buying options for price. Usually ships in 2 to 3 weeks. Includes: Added: Other Johnson's deals: Subscribe and Save options available. |
Disclaimer: By providing links to other sites, FatWallet.com does not guarantee, approve or endorse the information or products available at these sites, nor does a link indicate any association with or endorsement by the linked site to FatWallet.com.
About Us |
Blog |
Site Map |
Mobile Forums |
Contact Us |
Partnership |
Careers |
Privacy |
User Agreement |
D.M.C.A. Notice |
Civil Process Policy


text:
"Trial by jury is one of the fundamental ideals of American democracy; serving as jurors reminds us that these ideals exist only as long as individual citizens are willing to uphold them. MORE »
Celebrate Juror Appreciation Week, May 13-17, 2013.
This year marks California's 16th anniversary recognizing jurors for their outstanding and important service. Click to learn more about Juror Appreciation Week.
Jury Improvement Program
(415) 865-7832 (phone)
(415) 865-4330 (fax)


text:
Hands On: Apple iPhone 5 (With Video)
The new design of the iPhone 5 is slimmer, and gets rid of the glass back and metal edges for a more uniform design.
- eFax® - Technology for the way you work. Get a Free 30-Day Trial.
- See why expert reviewers are impressed with the LG Optimus G Pro!
- Find the Right Ultrabook™ for you - Check out our Showcase!
- Send and receive faxes through email with MyFax. Free 30 day trial!
- Rugged and reliable Panasonic Toughbook® mobile computers.
- Switch your number to Sprint and save $100. Restrictions apply.
- Vipre Internet Security 2013. Antivirus is no longer enough. Get your free trial here!
- Get award winning best-sounding wireless earphone PS 210 BTNC by Phiaton!
- The New Cisco WebEx Meetings - Get your Free Account Now!
- For a limited time, get the Samsung Series 9 Ultrabook™ now up to $200 off.


text:
The mission of the Harris County School District, the foundational rock upon which futures are built, is to ensure each student succeeds in life, through a system distinguished by
• students that advance at their own pace through nontraditional pathways. • student-driven, project-based learning. • teachers empowered to be creative facilitators. • the use of state-of-the-art technology to become global learners. • authentic assessment aligned with real world experiences. • the use of our community as a support system.
Infinite Campus
School Center
OAS Testing
Media Centers
Parent Portal
Classworks Student


text:
No eBook available
Browse the world's largest eBookstore and start reading today on the web, tablet, phone, or ereader.
Go to Google Play Now »
34 pages matching piety in this book
Where's the rest of this book?
Good narrative history of Islam. It's very Shi'a biased though and the author doesn't really make it clear whenever his narrative diverges from universal tenets shared among Sunnis and Shi'a. Be thoughtful and critical in your reading and overall it's a good narrative. Read full review


text:
Upcoming & Past Events (163)
2013 WSYHAC Long Course Classic
June 13, 2013
2013 Arena Grand Prix - Santa Clara
May 30, 2013
Central-Eastern States Clinics
May 17, 2013
2013 Arena Grand Prix - Charlotte
May 9, 2013
Interviews & Segments
Recent Interviews (2005)
Michael McBroom (Longhorn)
May 13, 2013
Kathleen Baker (SwimMAC)
May 13, 2013
Jack Conger (Machine)
May 13, 2013
David Marsh (SwimMAC)
May 13, 2013
Recent Show Segments (2955)
Poll of the Week: America's Best Reality TV Swimming Star (Results)
May 24, 2013
Streamlined News: Recapping Headlines In and Out of the Pool
May 24, 2013
Cesar Cielo on The Morning Swim Show
May 24, 2013
Streamlined News: Japan's World Team Racing Together This Weekend
May 23, 2013
Reaction Time
Swimming World Shows
The Morning Swim Show
Daily swimming news and swimmer interviews.
Streamlined News
A condensed version of the day's swimming news.
Split Time
In-depth interviews with your host Garrett McCaffrey.
Industry Insider
A look into the movers and shakers on the dryside.
Inside Swimming World Magazine
A visual look inside Swimming World Magazine
Ready Room
Brent Rutemiller talks to various news makers in studio.
Poll of the Week
Our users thoughts on a weekly subject.
Performance of the Week
A weekly award given to the top performance.
Tips on Technique
Workout Videos
All Studio Videos
Archive of all studio videos.
Swimming World Radio
An audio-only twist on great interviews within aquatics.
Club Swim Show
Club Swim is a swimming mockumentary that follows the Flounders.


text:
Edited by Amit Chaturvedi | Updated: January 07, 2013 17:47 IST
Become friends with your favourite NDTV people and shows. Start now »
Amitoj Singh
N Srinivasan to NDTV: Will not resign. No evidence against me. Will address media either in Kolkata or Chennai later today 14 minutes ago
Anchal Vohra
A special report from afghanistan and Pakistan, tonight from 10:30-11:30 on NDTV 24x7 4 hours ago


text:
Watch a video to find out.
Stay logged in
Go to Navigation Go to Content Go to Search
Search the collections
Please enable flash to view this media. Download the flash player.
Conserving the Emperor's Carpet (00:08:32) 2880 views
True Colors: The Damascus Room (00:02:46) 329 views
Islamic Textiles and Carpets from the Met's Collection (00:23:23) 50 views
The Arts of the Book (00:29:25) 38 views
Conserving Islamic Art: Panel Discussion (00:09:20) 20 views
Revealing the Original (00:25:21) 34 views
Fragment of a Bowl
Browse current and upcoming exhibitions and events.
This artwork is not on display


text:
Kildare & Wicklow »For a drive with a difference, check out the luscious landscapes of Kildare and Wicklow on the Grand Tour Touring Routes.
Spa & wellness »Ireland's most tranquil and secluded spots are home to some of the finest spas in the world. Why not try them out?
Irish Home B&Bs »Choose from remote farmhouses, seaside bungalows and cottages, city townhouses and historic estates. Each Irish Home B&B is Quality Assured by Fáilte Ireland.
Explore what's on »Ireland is filled to bursting point with amazing festivals and events. Let this year be the year that you see that amazing performance, run up that mountain or learn something new. Go on - catch some festival fever!
Explore special offers »Great value quality breaks await you in Ireland. Find the one just right for you - there's something for everyone. The fun starts here.
Search »Start your search for the perfect Irish break now. What's stopping you?
Listed Self Catering Beach House
€50 OFF WEEK STAY: €600 - 7 nights self-catering & get €50 off this rate! Cosy 3 bed house on private site beside beach. This is a midweek and weekend offer, valid June 2 to 29, 2012.
The Beach House is a bright, sunny bungalow set along the beach in Enniscrone, County Sligo. The house is found on an enclosed, private site and boasts a large garden and patio. It has a main ensuite bedroom with electric shower as well as a full bathroom with power shower. The four-star house also features a large, open-plan living area, fully fitted kitchen, dining room and sun area. There is a separate utility room with washing machine and tumble dryer. The upstairs has an open area that is perfect for children to play in or for relaxing quietly. The Beach House has under-floor heating and an oil-fired stove. In and around Enniscrone, there is something for everyone. Visitors can enjoy the Blue Flag beach and many water activities, such as surfing, swimming and fishing. There is a local golf course, indoor water park, seaweed baths, equestrian stables and more.
BartraghEnniscroneSligoRepublic of Ireland
Discover Ireland is not a booking site but below are your booking options


text:
It's necessary to get Adobe Flash Player to see this page correctly.
Recent FIS NewsBelow you will find a listing of recent FIS News Find your newsRegistration open for FIS Congress 2012 Registration is now open for the 48th International Ski Congress in Kangwonland (KOR). The meetings of the Technical Committees, the Council as well as the General Assembly will take place in the High1 Resort from 27th May to 2nd June 2012. It will be the first time in the history of the International Ski Federation that the FIS Congress will be held in East Asia. Registration for the FIS Congress is made through the on-line registration system here. The registration deadline is 15th January 2012 and the hotel rooms at the High1 Resort in Kangwonland will be allocated on a "first come - first served" basis. For more information visit the FIS website here. |
credit | © copyright This website is the only official website of the Fédération Internationale de Ski (FIS), the International Ski Federation, and is © FIS. All rights reserved. No commercial reproduction, adaptation, distribution or transmission of any part or parts of this website or any information contained, herein by any means whatsoever is permitted without the prior written permission of FIS. | contact | links | home | mobile.fisski.com |


text:
**///Active Engage Chat Code///**
Our extensive selection of used cars, trucks, and SUVs, including the Mazda3, Mazda6, and Miata, is available for you to look at and test drive. Feel free to contact our customer-oriented staff with any questions or concerns about our used inventory. Also check for any Specials and Print Ads we may be currently offering that can save you thousands more.
We offer many used car finance solutions so that you can drive away in the car you deserve. Please visit our Finance Department or contact us for more information.


text:
by Author by Title All Time Classics
Ancient Adventure Biography/Memoir Comedy/Satire Fantasy Historical/Fiction Mystery/Horror Mythology Non Fiction Philosophy/Political Romance SciFi Short Works Misc Creative Commons All Time Top Ten Pulitzer Prize Winners
10 Great Reads Contemporary Works 7 of the 10 all time best Best Sellers Essential Mark Twain US Department of State
Featured collection:
Seven of the all time best ten.
The 10 Greatest Books of All Time (pop-up TIME magazine. Derived from the top 10 lists of 125 of the world's most celebrated writers.)
Teach your phone a new trick...
... overall the experience was a joy. booktwo.org
... must-be bookmarked ...
... 5 cool services for your phone ...
We are Barnes & Noble affiliates. If you purchase after following a link to B&N you get fast and free delivery at regular prices and we get a small cut on the sale. It wont cost you a cent but will help us out.
"The American dream reveals itself to be a Lovecraftian nightmare in Mamatas's audacious first novel, set in the early 1960s, which goes on the road with Kerouac, Cassady, and Cthulhu." -- Publishers Weekly
This novel was nominated for both the Bram Stoker Award for Best First Novel and the International Horror Guild Award for Best First Novel in 2005, and made the Locus Magazine Recommended Reading List for books published in 2004.
- Cell phone Books. - Mobile phone Books. - Your phone is your book. - Nothing extra to carry. - Convenient. - Hundreds of titles. - eBooks with you always.
Stuck? Not sure how it will look on your phone?
Follow the link for some screenshots and instructions.


text:
this is the sample msg."
2449 5999
(59% off)
Loved by kids all over the world, Scooby Doo shoes are a must-have in their wardrobe. Although Scooby is known for mystery solving, he is flexible enough to take on roles or engage in situations which resonate with the target audience. Scooby Doo is the dog for all occasions and emphasizes his ability to play a role in all parts of a fanâs life. Scooby Doo, the famous cartoon character brings to you an extensive range of kidâs footwear for both boys and girls. Fit for every occasion, these shoes have famous cartoon character Scooby Doo printed on them. Made from excellent quality materials these shoes make sure to protect the soft feet of your young toddler. The synthetic upper with Scooby Doo character embedded at the side makes it your kidâs all-time favourite. Watch your child grabs all the attention when he wears the stylish Scooby Doo shoes to the playground. Yebhi.com is the largest footwear online shopping portal in India and offers a diversified range of products. Buy Scooby Doo shoes online in India from Yebhi.com and acquire the benefits of free shipping and prompt delivery apart from huge discounts and supersavers while shopping at Yebhi.com.


text:
Design Article
The first big difference is that at the end of the suggested flow you have ...
An interesting idea and really helpful. What would be the differences of this ...
Speeding power estimation from weeks to hours
Ophir Turbovich, Cambridge Silicon Radio and Thomas Li, SpringSoft
Generating a gate-level simulation environment is a very high effort task because of naming mismatches between synthesis and simulation. Synthesis is often performed at a different RTL interface than that used by simulation. Since signal names are not maintained during synthesis, the process of matching the new interface to the previous interface is a tedious, time-consuming manual task. Moreover, after place and route, the interface can change completely, making the task even harder.
In addition, this traditional approach produces a waveform that always requires simulation to be run from time zero. This not only results in long simulation run times; it also makes it necessary for the design team to locate cycles that are relevant to the power estimation task. Given that gate transfer level (GTL) waveform files are large and complex, manually locating the relevant cycles is very time-consuming.
Because of the long simulation runtimes, the considerable effort to match and debug the naming, and the effort required to locate power-relevant simulation cycles, many design teams perform gate-level simulation only at the final stage of the project. This is far too late in the flow to optimize power effectively and efficiently. Indeed, many design teams abandon power analysis before its completion — they simply run out of time.
An interesting idea and really helpful. What would be the differences of this flow compared to the flow when RTL VCD along with gate-level netlist is loaded into Primetime PX and tool propagates RTL activities into gate nodes?
The first big difference is that at the end of the suggested flow you have waveform file that you can use for other needs too (and other tools too)…
Also – while working with PTPX with RTL VCD you must make sure that only Flip-Flops are mapped between RTL to netlist. Usually more than Flip-Flops are mapped, and since the RTL simulation is zero delay simulation, the propagation is not done well (and the results are not accurate). It is mostly critical and problematic around adders and multipliers, but not only.
The suggested flow can overcome partial design – RTL which contain stubs or other testbench that replace part of the RTL. You can't overcome this in PTPX.
In general – you must be PTPX expert to be able to run with RTL VCD, and it is not accurate. In the SpringSoft flow anyone can generate netlist VCD/SAIF, and no need to be an expert to run it on PTPX.
Another issue – PTPX runs in this mode taking too much time. While generating GTL waveform in the new flow took about 1 hour, and the total power estimation was 2 hours, using this on PTPX (when it can be done) took more than 24 hours.


text:
Connect with us.
David Shields is the author of nine previous books, including The Thing About Life Is That One Day You'll Be Dead, a New York Times bestseller; Black Planet, a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award; and Remote, winner of the PEN/Revson Award. His work has been translated into fifteen languages.
Sign up for Author Alerts for David Shields
Written by David Shields


text:
Blazers & Waistcoats
Filter by colour or concept
Current filter: none selected
- Matching styles:
- 8
- Previous
- 1
- Next
Looking for a splash of colour? Or maybe classic black? Our blazers and waistcoats come in so many different colours. Try something really bright or why not go for our latest prints?
- Previous
- 1
- Next


text:
Fly Terminator®
An effective, safe way to attract and kill flies. Concentrated fly attractant is composed of 3 feeding attractants plus a powerful sex pheromone so it's irresistible to flies.
Safe for use around children, pets or livestock.
Contains no harmful insecticides.
Unbreakable bottles come with a 4 oz bottle of attractant.
- Attracts and kills thousands of flies
- Effective, insecticide-free trap
- Safe around children, pets, or livestock
- Patented attractant flies can't resist
- Durable, break-resistant bottle lasts all season
Customers Ratings and Reviews
Overall Rating : | |||||||||
Write an online review and share your thoughts with other customers |
Sort Reviews :
Newest |
Oldest |
Highest Rating |
Lowest Rating |
Read More Reviews |


text:
'); } -->
CATS: Our cats and kittens are spayed/neutered, vaccinated, microchipped, defleaed or dewormed - ready to go to their new home! Come adopt your new BFFF- BEST FURRY FOREVER FRIEND! Adoptathons Saturdays noon to 4pm. Evening appointments available with approved... More info Email a friend |
DOGS: Owner relocating out of state had to abandon this lovable, friendly beagle mix 7 month old puppy. Great with other dogs and kids. Call 919-362-7797 or 919-434-9921. Free to a loving home. More info Email a friend |
DOGS: F1B Pick of the Litter standard chocolate(parti factored) labradoodle now available for sale as a pet. Originally purchased as a breeder but guardian home circumstances have changed and puppy now available as a pet. Puppy is 10 weeks old and has had 2 rounds... More info Email a friend |
DOGS: Beautiful Briard puppies due end of April 2013. Tawny coats, both males and females with wonderful dispositions expected. Dam is a NC registered Autism Service Dog. Sire is a full time Therapy and Hospitality pet at local hospital. Friendly, stoic and... More info Email a friend |
DOGS: Beautiful AKC Havanese puppies, raised in the home of a veterinarian and played with daily by the 5 family children . These puppies are very well socialized and love people. They make excellent family pets. Havanese are a wonderful breed, they are patient... More info Email a friend |
DOGS: LABRADOODLE PUPPIES. Chocolate, cream & black. Parents onsite. Health Guar. Call 919-440-0918 or 919-705-9554 . More info Email a friend |
PETS LOST & FOUND: FOUND DOG, small, white w/brown areas. Near Timber Dr, Garner. 919-772-9457. More info Email a friend |
DOGS: MALTIPOOS AKC - home raised, health guar. Ready to go June 3rd. 919-464-1095. More info Email a friend |
DOGS: GORGEOUS!! AKC, OFA, CERF. Breeder is vet tech. Yell, blk, choc. Ready in june. Microchip, 1st shot, hip/eye guar. included. More info Email a friend |
DOGS: Sweet Toy Babies- Healthy, Playful, Sweet pups. 1 brw fem($450), 1 brw male($350), 1 blk fem($425). 1st shots, wormed. Gorgeous Colors! Ready for their homes 8wks. More info Email a friend |


text:
I pointed out in my introductory blog post for Go Hard. Superstar. that we're not creating this community from scratch, this is not the beginning of it all, just a continuation of what we already have in the NW, a community of artists that respect and support each other, show it, and know each other's stories. I was referring to this special something that I noticed in the artists that rep "The Town."
I don't know everyone in this camp personally, nor do I pretend to, but I've always been watching. Geo invited me backstage for Grynch's "Perspective" Album Release Party over the weekend and even though it seemed like everyone knew each other, every person I came in contact with looked over and said, "Hello, how are you?"
I've been backstage enough to know that this doesn't always happen. Backstages are either filled with random people with cameras and free t-shirts that you can walk past without making eye contact, or close friends. And if you're picky about who you surround yourself with, you're curious to know who the "stranger" is.
This was an example of what I envision is going to "put Seattle on the map."


text:
Course DescriptionThe course deals with a contemporary house, focusing, among other things, on the importance during the design stage of dialogue between client and architect to ensure mutual understanding of the architectural brief in terms of occupant comfort, livable spaces and environmental safeguard. The house in question is located in a wooded area north of Toronto. Course material includes an introductory text, many pictures, and technical and construction-detail drawings with accompanying legend. On completing the course, you will be able to describe how the contemporary-living features characterizing the building have been designed with long-term livability in mind.
Learning Objectives – after reading the article and studying the drawings, you will be able to:
- Analyze the importance of communication between client and architect and the extent of interdisciplinary collaboration required among technical specialties to achieve a functionally efficient architecture.
- Describe the program strategies adopted to ensure the architecture fits harmoniously into its spectacular natural setting, and explain how the space occupied by the pre-existing building has been used to create a new, more environment-friendly architecture.
- Describe how the architectural program has successfully combined design, art, music and mathematics.
- Explain the way in which the use of materials has been tailored to the design features.


text:
Matching 2 Tags
On Myth and Meaning
In this video, John Walton talks about ancient myth and how we might better understand it if we think about its intended functionality—that is, myths were a way to explain a culture's origin and universal significance though they lacked the advances of scientific discovery.
N.T. Wright on Understanding Ancient Texts
In this video Conversation, N.T. Wright emphasizes the importance of understanding the context of biblical texts in order to know whether to read them as literal or metaphorical narratives.
Revealing God's Nature
In today's video, Brian McLaren discusses the value of considering Scripture in light of the cultures that surrounded them. The Biblical writers were aware of the myths of the power nations that surrounded them, but flipped their stories on their heads to reveal truth about God.
Series: From the Dust
In this series, Ryan Pettey offers several clips from his powerful documentary "From the Dust". This feature-length film is divided up into various sections, each of which wrestles with the difficult problems that arise when reconciling Scripture with the theory of evolution. A light of hope dawns on the science-faith conversation, however, as scientists and theologians engage in honest dialogue about tough issues such as the interpretation of Genesis, the nature of the Fall, and the idea of random design. Their profound insights are sure to enlighten all minds, raise deeper questions, and provoke new thought.
Seeing the Flood Story Through an Ancient Israelite Lens
Pete Shaw highlights the story of Noah to explore how the story would have been understood in ancient times and from there he goes on to explore how we might consider it today.
The Second Creation Story and "Atrahasis"
Atrahasis is important to biblical scholars because of it similarity to Genesis 2-9. Both stories share a similar storyline: creation, population growth and rebellion, flood. They also share some important details within that storyline.
Genesis 1 and a Babylonian Creation Story
Found among the ruins was a Babylonian creation story referred to today as Enuma Elish. How people viewed Genesis would never be the same again.
Understanding Origins and the Ancient Mind
In this video conversation, Pete Enns sheds light on the key difference between the ancient and modern mind with regard to interpretation of texts. A literal understanding of Genesis from an ancient mindframe would not necessarily be the same as what we now think of as a literal reading.
Exodus, Mt. Sinai and Creation
Even though the cosmic battle is over, we have not left the creation theme. Think of the exodus as God "creating" a people for himself out of a cosmic battle.
Exodus and the Cosmic Battle (Again)
These themes are wonderfully interconnected from Genesis through Exodus: cosmic battle, separation of elements, and deliverance from watery fate. Creation, flood, and exodus are almost versions of the same story: the victory of Yahweh and the salvation of his people.
Exodus, the Plagues, and the Cosmic Battle
It is obviously important to spend a lot of time discussing the scientific data. But it is also important to deal with the biblical data. Why? Because our expectations about the Bible affect how we handle the scientific data.
Matching 1 Tags
Series: What I Wish My Pastor Knew About... The Life of a Scientist
Andy Crouch examines the life of a scientist based on his experience of walking alongside his wife Catherine, an experimental physicist. That relationship has shown him that a life in science is a journey "into a set of virtues," of cultivating a specific character suited to the particular demands of research and investigation. Crouch's hope is to persuade pastors and others in the church to prayerfully support the scientific endeavor as a reflection of God's image in humankind as well as offers some suggestions for ministering to their needs.
Evolution and Christian Faith Grantees Announced
Congratulations to the 37 winners of the Evolution & Christian Faith (ECF) grants competition! ECF is a new BioLogos program designed to support projects and network-building among scholars, church leaders, and parachurch organizations.
Where are the Transitional Fossils?
A common argument leveled against the theory of evolution is that scientists have not been able to produce transitional fossils that show the change of one species into another. In this podcast, we address a common misconception about what transitional fossils actually are.
Awe in Science
If we can understand the experiences of the people who work every day in the lab, our dialogues concerning science and religion will be far more fruitful.
Katharine Hayhoe: Evangelical Christian, Climate Scientist
As an Evangelical and a scientist, Katharine Hayhoe is already a member of a rare breed. As a climate change researcher who is also married to an evangelical Christian pastor, she is nearly one of a kind.
Series: Genesis Through Ancient Eyes
In this talk, originally delivered at the BioLogos President's Circle meeting in October 2012, Dr. John Walton discusses the origin stories of Genesis 1-3, and why their focus on function and archetypes mean there is no Biblical narrative of material origins.
Oxygen and Co-Creation
In the mid-seventeenth century, John Mayow conducted a series of experiments in which he showed that burning candles in bell jars consumed one-fifth of the enclosed air before extinguishing. Remarkably, mice placed in bell jars did exactly the same thing...
Series: The Meaning of mîn in the Hebrew Old Testament
The related ideas of the "fixity of species" and "natural kinds" have been prominent in the science and faith conversation. Some Christians take Genesis to mean that God created (bara) fixed species (mîn). But does the text truly indicate such a concept? Biblical scholar Dr. Richard Hess looks at the Biblical context and meaning of the Hebrew mîn, and suggests that when Christians use it to frame our understanding of the entire created order, we may be asking too much of this single word.
Series: But Does it Move? John Lennox on Science and the Bible
Taken from Chapter 2 of John Lennox's book Seven Days That Divide The World, this three part series looks at scripture interpretation. Lennox looks especially at the Galileo controversy regarding the movement of the Earth and why our own interpretations do not necessarily call into question the authority of the Scripture.
Load More


text:
Fast Feed Daft Punk Album Leaked Online A Week Ahead Of Release Date, Now Streaming On iTunes Have you been up all night to get some? Random Access Memories, the long-awaited long player from the vocoder-dependent disco chiens is now streaming on iTunes following an online leak. Huzzah! Read More » Source: The Verge
Fast Feed North Korea Sentences U.S. Citizen Kenneth Bae To 15 Years Hard Labour The 44-year-old tour guide from Seattle, who was arrested in November 2012, has been found guilty of "hostile acts" by the rogue state. He will be interned in a camp for foreigners, and is expected to be used by the Kim regime to force concessions out of the U.S. Read More » Source: The Guardian
Tech Forecast Facial Recognition Technology Didn't Help The Search For The Boston Bombers, Says Police Chief Edward Davis says that the identification system used by the city "came up empty." The breakthrough came as a result of a mixture of citizen journalism, police legwork, and technology--one agent watched the same video clip 400 times. Read More » By: Addy Dugdale
Most Innovative Companies 2013 Facebook Offers Chatheads For Android Phones Androiders can get the chat feature without fully committing to Facebook Home. Read More » By: Fred Milgrim
Where Are They Now? Samsung Creates The Biggest Phone In The World The Galaxy Mega is just 0.7 Of An Inch Smaller Than An iPad Mini. Read More » By: Addy Dugdale ADVERTISEMENT
Tech Forecast North Korea Readies Long-Range Missiles And Talks Of "Merciless Strikes" On U.S. The move is apparently a reply to the U.S.'s stealth bomber training exercise with South Korea yesterday. Read More » By: Addy Dugdale
Most Innovative Companies 2013 Google's Same-Day-Delivery Service Goes Live In San Francisco Hear that revving noise, Amazon? It's the sound of competition. Read More » By: Kit Eaton
Tech Forecast T-Mobile To Carry iPhone 5 For $99.99 Starting April 12 At a New York City event today, the company said iPhone 5 customers will be on the carrier's new 4G network. Read More » By: Christina Chaey
Most Innovative Companies 2013 Google Says "Ungoogleable" Can't Be A Swedish Word Ogooglebar. Is that a word? Well, it might have been. Read More » By: Addy Dugdale
Tech Forecast HubSpot Makes Twitter Analytics Easier With RetweetLab Tool Measuring retweets may help you work out how best to promote yourself on Twitter. Read More » By: Kit Eaton


text:
Skip Navigation
Advanced Search
Allergy & Immunology
Call Center/Online Appointment Requests
Cancer Center
Cardiology Services
Community Health Education
Davis Medical Office
Diagnostic Imaging
Ear, Nose & Throat
Emergency Services
Extended Hours/Walk-in Care
Facial Plastic & Reconstructive Surgery
Family Birth Center
Flu Shot Clinic
General Surgery
Hematology & Oncology
Home Health Care
Infectious Disease & Travel Clinic
Locations and Hours
Mental Health Services
Neurology Services
Occupational Health Services
Ophthalmology & Optometry
Orthopedics & Podiatry
Pain Management
Primary Care Medicine
Pulmonary Medicine
Rehabilitation Services
Sleep Disorders Center
Student Health
Urology Services
Vein Center
Women's & Children's Services
Yolo Adult Day Health Center
Woodland Healthcare is dedicated to helping you and your loved ones lead healthy lives and one of the ways we can help is by offering a variety of educational programs and services to address your healthcare needs. We invite you to join us for any of the classes, events or health screenings we offer that meet your specific needs.
Our educational programs and services cover a variety of topics that include: childbirth and infant care, parenting, nutrition, basic life support, first aid and CPR. Woodland Healthcare also offers a number of support groups and free community health education seminars. For more detailed information; including dates, times and location, please contact Education Services at (530) 669-5570.
A six-week program to help those with ongoing health issues.
Learn more about Woodland Healthcare's class offerings.
Come share common concerns and learn about resources and activities.


text:
Close Recently added item(s)
You have no items in your shopping cart.
You are about to change the currency that is being displayed.
This conversion is an estimate and you will be billed in GBP when your order is placed
1-12 of 30 Results
Medium Across Body Bag
Medium Purse
Large Tote Bag
Large Flapover Matinee
Mini telescopic Umbrella
Medium Tote Bag
Large Trifold Matinee
Cabin Case Wheeled
Mini Crook Handle Telescopic Umbrella


text:
Just eight months after joining Google, Oleg got the opportunity to lead a team in developing internal tools for our sales teams. He shares his reflections on how he was able to do big, impactful things in his first year as a Googler.
Googlers at Google I/O How do you define a word like "Googley"? Hear the answer directly from Googlers at Google I/O, our annual two-day conference which brings together thousands of developers from all over the world to brainstorm the technology of tomorrow, and also one of our "Googliest" events.
See more stories on our Life at Google page


text:
2 hrs ago | WCHS-TV Charleston
Huntington , Cabell County , West Virginia West Virginia State Police are on the scene of a suspected armed robbery and home invasion on Eight Street in Huntington.
6 hrs ago | WCHS-TV Charleston
ARTS Climbs The Corporate Ladder With Its Latest Production
Kennie Bass Videographer: Kenneth Barnette Web Producer: Kennie Bass Reported: May.
10 hrs ago | WCHS-TV Charleston
Tiersa Davis Web Producer: Jeff Morris Reported: May. 23, 2013 3:51 PM EDT Updated: May.
11 hrs ago | Big News Network.com
W. Basketball. Little Herd Camp Sign Up Extended
Our eNewspaper network was founded in 2002 to provide stand-alone digital news sites tailored for the most searched-for locations for news.
17 hrs ago | Lincoln Journal
Joni Shortridge receives distinguished teacher award
A Guyan Valley Middle School teacher was recently presented with the Hallie Harless Distinguished Teacher Award at the 11th Annual June Harless Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony in Huntington.
20 hrs ago | WCHS-TV Charleston
Elizabeth Noreika Web Producer: Heath Harrison Reported: May. 22, 2013 10:21 PM EDT Updated: May.
Huntington City Council will meet May 28 at 7:30 p.m. in Council Chambers at City Hall.
Young Boy Collects Donations Instead Of Birthday Presents
Darrah Wilcox Web Producer: Darrah Wilcox Reported: May. 22, 2013 5:28 PM EDT Updated: May.
Marshall Announces Final Three Home Football Times
HUNTINGTON, W.Va.-The start times for this fall's Gardner-Webb, UTSA and UAB home football games were announced by Marshall Athletics Tuesday afternoon.
Jeff Morris Web Producer: Jeff Morris Also Contributing: Dave Benton Reported: May.
W.Va. Film Office hosting workforce training seminar
CHARLESTON, W.Va. - The West Virginia Film Office will hold a two-day workforce training seminar June 22 and 23 in Huntington.
Singer-songwriter Steve Free and his band will perform as part of Camden Park's Memorial Day weekend festivities.
Rick Lord Web Producer: Heath Harrison Reported: May. 17, 2013 8:56 PM EDT Updated: May.
Rick Lord Web Producer: Heath Harrison Reported: May. 17, 2013 9:05 PM EDT Updated: May.
Marshall University Professional Education Unit Receives Accreditation
Marshall University's Professional Education Unit has received continuing accreditation for both the initial teacher preparation and advanced preparation levels by the National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education .
Accused sheriff killer pleads not guilty
Sheriff Eugene Crum's widow and now interim Mingo County Sheriff Rosie Crum, left, sat in the front row during the arraignment for her husband's accused killer.
C-USA Meet to Air on Area Stations
Those in the Huntington area can watch Marshall's best-ever fifth place performance and individual championship performances by Vanessa Jules and Crystal Walker on Root Sports or Fox Sports Ohio on Friday at noon.
Huntington Bank Gives $150K to UT for Scholarships, Academic Programming
Huntington is expanding its product and service offerings to students and employees who choose to become customers.
For those who missed the earlier announcement, auditions for "Hairspray," which will be presented by HOT every weekend in July at the Ritter Park Amphitheater.
Tiersa Davis Web Producer: Jeff Morris Reported: May. 15, 2013 10:43 AM EDT Updated: May.


text:
Diagnostic Tests
Without a confirmed identification of the cause of an infection, it cannot be treated with confidence. Oxoid and Remel microbiology products include an extensive array of high quality diagnostic tests covering a wide range of microorganisms.
Oxoid and Remel diagnostic tests are used in microbiology laboratories around the world because they include simple, easy-to-use procedures and provide accurate, reliable results. Transport options are flexible, results are fast and easy to read, and quality results are consistent and dependable. With an extensive range of products that cover microorganism identification from Bacillus to Vibrio, it's easy to find the right test for you microbiology workflow.


text:
- Text Size:
- ASmall Text
- AMedium Text
- ALarge Text
States up and down the East Coast are bracing for Hurricane Sandy, which could make landfall anywhere between Maryland and Pennsylvania, according to the latest forecast map from the National Hurricane Center.
Here's a look at how coastal states are rushing to prepare for potentially devastating effects:
Bus service in Connecticut will stay closed for the duration of the storm, Gov. Dan Malloy announced Sunday.
"Folks, this could be bad -- really bad," Malloy said, noting that forecasters are predicting 36 hours of sustained winds. "It could impact us in several ways and for a long period of time. Please take this as seriously as we are taking it."
Malloy said his state will have 400 National Guard troops ready to assist with recovery efforts as needed.
President Barack Obama has declared a state of emergency for Connecticut.
Even before the center of Sandy ran aground, parts of the Delaware coast were already experiencing significant flooding.
"We're seeing more flooding than you normally do, and particularly since the storm's not here," Gov. Jack Markell said Sunday.


text:
New users: Please register in the usual way and then send an email to jasper(at)jasperfforde.com with your username, and write something 'Ffordesque' so we know you are a real reader, and not some idiot trying to flood the forum with dodgy Nike and Gucci gear. Thank you - Jasper
Still having trouble? Click Here for a guide to the Fforde Fforum
last updated : April 11th 2010
: www.jasperfforde.com
A discussion of all things Thursday !
Goto Thread:
Forum List
Message List
New Topic
Log In
A slice of Time
Posted by:
Date: January 09, 2003 01:10PM
I'm not often bored, but on this occasion I really was. I had had a minor but rather unpleasant accident involving Heidi, who had been clawing one of the dining chairs; in an attempt to remove her I got clawed myself, right on the pad of my index finger, which rather put the kibosh on typing. Now, for me, being unable to type is practically equivalent to being unable to speak, and it didn't help that Minsky had disappeared into The Pickwick Papers immediately after the incident so that he wouldn't have to put up with his niece's foul mood. I read a couple of chapters of Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers, but turning the pages proved so awkward with the plaster on my finger that I eventually gave up in annoyance. There was only one thing for it. I'd have to take Legolas up on his standing invitation, go into The Lord of the Rings with his assistance, and pay a visit to Master Elrond.
My friend the Elf was delighted to see me again, and very sympathetic about my finger. "I must teach you a song I know," he insisted, as he led me through the corridors of Rivendell. "It has great power and virtue to calm all good beasts."
I suspected that Legolas' assessment of Heidi as a "good beast" might perhaps be somewhat on the generous side, but said nothing. After all, she's a little minx, but she's my little minx. Elrond, as it turned out, was in conference with his sons Elladan and Elrohir and was likely to remain so for quite a while, so Legolas and I made ourselves comfortable in a corner of the Great Hall and played a couple of games of chess while we were waiting. He beat me comprehensively, as you'd expect. One day I hope to be able to give him a decent game.
When Elrond finally arrived, Legolas explained my problem, and it took only a moment for the Lord of Rivendell to heal my finger. Knowing that Elves are fond of flowery speeches, I had already prepared suitable words in which to express my gratitude, but he raised a hand gently but firmly to cut me short.
"No need," he said. "As JurisFiction representative for this tale, I am eternally in your debt. But there is a certain matter on which I wish to consult you most urgently, if you are willing."
My eyebrows must have almost disappeared under my hairline. "You want to consult me?" I asked, in amazement. "But you're one of the most powerful characters in this book!"
Elrond sighed. "It concerns the creature Squirdle," he explained. "When you and your friends departed, he remained voluntarily in my keeping, and I was glad to accept responsibility for him. Yet an ill has now befallen him which not even I can heal."
I frowned. "I'm very sorry to hear that, Master Elrond," I said. "But if you can't cure him, what hope do I have?"
"Some, perhaps. You are not of this tale, and in your own world you have strange powers. But come! You must see him for yourself."
Mystified, and not a little worried, I followed Elrond. Squirdle had saved our necks in the last case by causing Saruman to slip on a carelessly-dropped forkful of spaghetti at a crucial moment, and I didn't like to think what ill, as Elrond put it, might have befallen him. The Lord of Rivendell led me to a small curtained-off chamber, where a miserable-looking Squirdle was sitting cross-legged on a rich purple velvet cushion on a little table.
"I've been curled!" he wailed, as soon as he caught sight of me.
"Curled?" I asked, totally baffled. The little ex-demon was still as bald as an egg as far as I could see.
"Curled, damp it," he repeated. "By a senior demo. Can't you sue I'm swamping all my litters around already?"
Legolas, who had followed us, stared at the unfortunate Squirdle. "Cursed," he translated, soberly.
"It seems that a senior demon from outside our tale discovered that Squirdle was attempting to reform," explained Elrond, "and, being displeased with this, subjected the poor wretch to this terrible curse."
"Oh, dear," I said, rather weakly. "Well, listen, Squirdle, if Elrond can't help you I don't know what I can do, but I owe it to you to try. Will you come with me out of the book?"
He narrowed his tiny eyes. "And have to love with your clocking cans?" he demanded.
I mentally translated this as "live with your plocking cats", and rolled my eyes. "Squirdle," I promised, "I shall make sure they don't come near you, all right? Tell you what. You can live in the bathroom. They're not allowed in there."
"I should have to loom at your toile all fay?" he asked.
"No, Squirdle, it's in a separate room. You'll only have to loom at the both... oh, drat, you've got me doing it now!"
"Oh, ill bight, I'll core, than," replied the ex-demon, and hopped onto my extended hand.
"If there is anything I can do," offered Legolas, "I shall be glad to come with you, with Elrond's permission of course."
I shook my head. "Very kind of you, Legolas, but I suspect this is one for SO-17. After all, Elrond himself has drawn a blank."
"I wish you well," said Elrond gravely.
"Thanks, Elrond," I replied, forgetting to be formal about it in my concern. "I think I'm going to need all the well I can get."
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Minsky Cat
Date: January 09, 2003 03:13PM
I've always liked The Pickwick Papers, especially when I go and see the Wardles. They realise, of course, that I have my own human, because I look far too sleek and glossy to be a stray, but that doesn't stop them treating me to whatever scraps they happen to have available. Since there is never any shortage of these at Mr Wardle's table, it is the perfect place to go when my niece is in one of her Greta Garbo moods.
Unfortunately, in my haste to get away from Heidi's histrionics, I jumped into the wrong part of the book altogether, and found myself in one of the stories within the story. I was deeply alarmed by this, having been strictly warned of the danger of these sub-stories by my good friend the UA of W Cat, and cast about immediately for a way out. Fortunately I have a natural talent for book-jumping. (I suspect, in fact, that all cats have; it's just that not very many of us can read well enough to exercise it.) After a disconcerting few moments in some unidentifiable limbo, I found myself in the yard of some large coaching inn. It wasn't a part of the book I had ever been in before, but it certainly could have been a great deal worse. It was a little after dawn, a yawning maidservant was bustling around on some unidentifiable errand, and the air smelt of horse manure with an unmistakable top-note of rat. It might take me a little while to work out exactly where I was, but at least I was going to be neither bored nor hungry while I was doing it.
The first rat scampered straight across the yard in full view, and I sprang from the shadows. By the time the hapless rodent heard the bell on my collar (a highly irritating imposition on the part of my staff, who has an inexplicable but extremely vehement objection to finding small mutilated corpses around the house), it would be too late... and it was. I dragged it back behind the woolpack where I had been hiding, ate most of it with great relish, and arranged the rest artistically for some unsuspecting human to find. It's always fascinating to study their reactions in these circumstances.
My musings were interrupted by a hackney coach, which clattered into the yard with unnecessary speed, drew to an abrupt halt, and disgorged a tall, thin young man in a rather shabby green coat. He leaned solicitously into the coach to help his lady companion to disembark, and with a shock I recognised the face of Rachael Wardle. The man, then, must be none other than the villainous Alfred Jingle, and that, if I remembered my Dickens correctly, meant that we were in the yard of the White Hart Inn. I let out a purr of relief; now I had my bearings. All I had to do was wait for Mr Pickwick and friends to turn up, and I could hitch a ride with Mr Wardle back to Manor Farm.
Fortified by this information, I set my mind to the more immediate task of catching another rat. It's all very well catching the stupid ones to satisfy one's hunger, but when well fed and simply hunting them for sport, I have always preferred more of a challenge. I jumped up on top of the woolpack for a better view and cast about the yard for a more cunning representative of the species, and after a little while I found what I was looking for: an old, yellow-fanged, devious-looking brute almost the size of my niece. He saw me too, and gave me one of those looks that said, "Just you try it, cat." After an invitation like that, I considered he was definitely fair game.
I swivelled my ears round and let my tail droop as if I were nervous, and hastily looked away, appearing to fix my gaze on a small female who was scrabbling in the straw near the stables after some dropped oats. The big rat sauntered nonchalantly across the yard towards the gates, and I glanced quickly upwards at the lower tier of bedroom galleries to see how easily it could be reached. It turned out to be easy enough; a quick scrabble up the side of a chaise-cart and then a leap to the balustrade. Within moments I was up in the gallery, while the sound of footsteps overhead told me that Mr Jingle and Miss Wardle were now being shown to their rooms.
I walked ostentatiously along the balustrade, for all the world looking as though I was preparing to jump on the small female rat from on high. Then I jumped down on the gallery side, poked my head through the balustrade for a few seconds, and then withdrew it. That, with any luck, should have thoroughly deceived my intended quarry. I crept back along the gallery, staying as close to the bedroom doors as I could and hoping the bulky posts of the balustrade would be sufficient to conceal me from sight below, and then peered out very cautiously at the end nearer the gates.
The big rat was still there, gnawing determinedly at a hessian sack which probably contained some kind of grain. I smirked; he'd quite obviously fallen for my little ruse. With one liquid movement, I bounded on top of the balustrade and then straight down like a guided missile.
It was really unfortunate that Sam Weller, carrying several pairs of boots, chose that very moment to walk out of the nearest entrance and start to make his way across the yard. Many things have been said about us cats and our almost uncanny ability to right ourselves in mid-air, but one thing we do have difficulty doing is altering our actual landing point once we are on a previously calculated trajectory. For those humans who know about physics, it's all to do with Newton's laws of motion. Not that Mr Weller knows anything about physics, and, if I'm totally honest, I don't suppose he'd have felt any better if he had.
Mr Weller went down like a stone, clattering his head on the cobbles; the boots flew all over the yard, and the big rat, who had had the shock of his life, made himself scarce with most impressive rapidity. I hurried up to my unintended victim and licked his face to see if he was conscious, but it was clear that he was out cold. And that, as anyone familiar with The Pickwick Papers will be well aware, meant I had one very big problem on my paws. Sam Weller has to be on his feet and cleaning people's boots when he first appears in the story. Judging by the light, his debut was now no more than a couple of hours away, and in the state he currently was, he was definitely going to miss it unless I could think of something to do quickly.
And that's why, when Sarah emerged from The Lord of the Rings with Squirdle sitting on her shoulder like a parrot, she found a strangely-dressed young man lying unconscious on her sofa being frantically licked by Klinsmann and myself.
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Date: January 10, 2003 12:51PM
"What the mischief is going on here?" I demanded.
Klinsmann gave me a very expressive look. He doesn't speak English in my presence, although I strongly suspect he's quite capable of it; however, he hardly needs to do so when he can manage a look which says quite clearly, "Uncle Minsky goofed, tee hee hee!". Minsky clipped him soundly round the ear, to his further amusement, since Klinsmann is so flexible even by cat standards that it's very difficult to hurt him with a blow. He jumped off the sofa and sat down in the middle of the floor cushion, clearly enjoying his uncle's discomfiture immensely.
"It was an accident," explained Minsky, with infinite dignity.
"Yeah, right," I said. "Now move your furry backside and let me have a look at him. You may be the cleverest feline in the known universe, but there are a few things you know doodly squat about, and one of 'em's first aid."
Minsky stalked off into the kitchen with his tail precisely vertical, and a few moments later I heard the distinctive rattling noise which informed me that he was salving his wounded pride with a few mouthfuls of Iams. Meanwhile, I went straight into checking airway-breathing-circulation, like they tell you to do in the St John. After all, if he wasn't responding to two sandpapery little pink tongues licking his face as if it were covered in tuna, then he wasn't going to notice anyone saying "Hallo, can you hear me?" according to the approved procedure.
Having satisfied myself that the patient was not in imminent danger of death, and feeling particularly relieved that I wasn't going to have to give him artificial respiration considering the way his breath smelt, I rolled him into the recovery position. I then checked for head injuries, and quickly found the culprit. Fortunately it wasn't bleeding much, but the surrounding area was already starting to bruise; he'd clearly been knocked out by something fairly small and hard. I went into the kitchen, fetched some paper towels and hot water, and started cleaning him up. With any luck, I'd still got a Melolin dressing around somewhere.
I was engaged in this procedure when he groaned and stirred. "It's all right," I said soothingly. "Just lie still."
He blinked, then opened his eyes properly and stared at me. They were very bright, knowing blue eyes, and they also seemed to be in proper focus, which was an excellent sign, though I'd still have to check for concussion. "Vell," he said slowly, "I'd be werry surprised if this was the Vite Hart."
"Ah," I said. "You must be Mr Weller. My name's Sarah Goode-Evans, and you're quite correct, this is not the White Hart. But we'll be getting you back there as soon as possible, don't worry. You had... some kind of accident, I think."
I'll swear Klinsmann giggled. Fortunately, my unexpected guest didn't appear to notice. "Something fell on me from the balc'ny," he recalled, frowning a little.
Minsky stalked back in. "I can explain," he insisted.
I gave him a look. Probably I shouldn't bother doing that, since after all he has so many of his own, but I was feeling justifiably a little annoyed by this stage. "I sincerely hope you can," I replied tartly. "And while you're at it, perhaps you could explain why on earth you didn't take Mr Weller straight to Elrond via the Library? It would have saved a great deal of trouble all round."
"Are you stupid?" demanded Minsky witheringly. "You think I want the UA of W Cat finding out? Elrond's the JurisFiction rep, don't forget!"
Sam Weller cleared his throat discreetly. "It seems to me," he observed, "that I ain't in full possession of all the partic'lars of recent ewents here."
"Don't worry, my buy," interpolated Squirdle, with one of his trademark massive shrugs. "If you pork on the assumption that everyone abound you is as mud as a halter, you'll be just wine already."
"Hic," agreed Wilfred from the radiator.
All I can say is, it's a very good job Dickens decided to make Sam so thoroughly imperturbable. Heaven only knows what would have happened if it had been Mr Pickwick. However, since things were as they were, all Sam did was to sit up rather groggily and enquire as to the names of the master and mistress of this house.
"It's my house, Mr Weller," I replied. "There's just me."
"Ah," he said sagely, "and there was I thinkin' you was a lady's maid from your vay of talkin'. I s'pose it must be terrible hard for you keepin' staff ven you have a cat vith such a wonderful conceit o' himself."
I had to smile. "Yes, I suppose it would be," I agreed, "but we're quite a long way in the future from your point of view. Most people these days don't keep servants. We have machines to do the work for us."
"And what sort o' vork does that engine do?" he enquired curiously, indicating the computer. Whatever else was the matter with him, he probably wasn't concussed.
I grinned. "I'll show you, Mr Weller. Take a seat over here, and I'll boot it up."
"No need for a lady to do such a thing," he insisted gallantly. "If ever you need a boot settin' to any engine, Sam Veller's your man."
"Er... not like that," I explained hastily. "It's just a technical phrase meaning to get it started."
"Gestalt!" complained Squirdle. "When are you going to pat me in the bathrook?"
"Oh, sorry, yes, good point," I said. "Minsky, just show Mr Weller how the computer works while I make Squirdle comfortable, would you?"
"I'm sure he'd be very comfortable in my stomach," purred Minsky.
"Stop it," I ordered. "Squirdle's not feeling very well right now. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Minsky."
"Hic," said Wilfred cheerfully. I left them all to it, and hurried up the stairs.
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Minsky Cat
Date: January 10, 2003 10:08PM
I was finding the whole Sam Weller business decidedly embarrassing, and my small ginger nephew's determination to make as much capital out of the situation as possible was doing nothing to improve my temper. Mercifully, he didn't look much the worse for his injury, except that he'd need some kind of dressing on it which could always be covered by a hat. With a little bit of luck, I could have him back in his book within half an hour and then wash my paws of the whole affair.
By the time Sarah returned after having settled Squirdle in the bathroom (and renewed my determination to work out exactly how to open the door), I had powered the computer up and was explaining to Sam how to type a letter using Word. He seemed to take it quite as much in his stride as everything else unusual he had seen so far, and indeed there seemed to be only one thing that really bothered him about it.
"This here com-puter," he said, gesturing at the monitor, "is all werry well, and I don't doubt it writes a powerful tidy letter, but vy vould anyvun bother?"
"How do you mean, Mr Weller?" asked Sarah, sorting through a box in the kitchen for a dressing.
"Vell, by the time I'd written one o' these fancy letters on this engine, any clerk vorth his wages could ha' turned out three an' still had time to change his weskit," explained Sam.
Sarah laughed. "I know it seems like that at first. But once you learn to type properly, you can go a lot faster than you could by hand. I average about fifty to sixty words per minute copying speed."
"I'd like to see that!" declared Sam. "You must be a reg'lar prestidigitator."
"No, there are plenty of typists around who are faster than I am," she replied, "but I'll show you if you're interested. Let's see... I'll type up a passage from your story, if you like. Any particular preferences?"
Sam considered. "Vell, if you could see your vay to showin' me the Christmas party at Mr Wardle's, I'd be greatly obleeged to you, miss," he said.
"No problem, but I'm going to dress that wound of yours first. If you put your hat over it, it won't show when you first appear in the story."
Sarah's really quite bright for a human sometimes.
Normally I think Sarah would have used a bandage, but this time, in the interests of concealment, she fetched a disposable razor from upstairs and shaved a small patch on Sam's head so that she could stick the Melolin discreetly in place. "You've got a hat that will cover it, I suppose?" she asked.
"Two hats as would do the job werry nicely," replied Sam, "but since I can only vear the vun at a time, it'll be the vite one. It's looser'n the other, an' it'll just go over vun side nice'n'easy, as the bo's'n said about the cargo ven the cap'n told him the ship was too low in the vater."
"He wears a white hat when he appears anyway," I reminded Sarah. "In other words, he's having you on."
I think Sarah deliberately chose not to hear me. At any rate, she didn't respond, but gathered up the copy of Pickwick, sat down in the swivel chair by the computer, opened the book in the middle of chapter 28, and started to type.
"Who's JurisFiction rep in your book, by the way, Mr Weller?" asked Sarah, as her fingers flew over the keys. "Just out of curiosity, you understand."
"Vy, Mr Tupman," replied Sam promptly. "And it's curious as you should ask that question, 'cos there's rumours in our story about him goin' off every now an' again to confer with a talkin' cat. Now this fine creetur here wouldn't be the vun, vould he?"
I twitched my whiskers. "No, Sam. That, in fact, would be my friend the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat. Since we naturally have a copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland in the house, I can show you his portrait, if you wish."
"Vell now, that's a powerful fancy name for a cat," observed Sam sagely.
Sarah laughed. "I know! It's not the sort of thing you'd want to call out of the back door in the evening, is it?"
Sam looked at me. "And vot do you call yourself, young brushtail?"
I have a particularly fine tail, and deeply resent having it compared to a brush. "Minsky," I replied coldly. "After a particularly interesting scientist, I'd have you know."
"He was born a long way after your time, Mr Weller," interpolated Sarah quickly, before Sam could come out with one of his innocent-sounding double-edged remarks.
Sam shrugged, and turned his attention back to the screen. "Vell, bless me," he said with a grin, "if you ain't gettin' your computer engine to write the bit vith the mistletoe!"
Sarah grinned back mischievously. "I just knew you'd enjoy it, Mr Weller," she replied sweetly.
"And so I do," he agreed. "I vunder..."
Suddenly, and quite without warning, he leaned forward and vanished into the screen. "Mr Weller!" cried Sarah, horrified. "Mr Weller! Come back! You can't do that! It isn't the book!"
"It's authentic Pickwick," I pointed out. "A genuine fragment of the text. I don't think there's anything technically stopping him from doing that."
"Yes, but what about my book? I know it's only one copy, but if we don't get him back he's going to foul up everything."
I considered. "Why don't you print out the bit with him in it, and paste it into your copy?" I asked.
She shook her head. "Can't see that working. We're going to have to get some advice, Minsky, and you know what that means."
I did indeed know what that meant.
"Oh, skrrrrrrk," I said.
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Date: January 10, 2003 10:42PM
I goes along of Sam ...you're a reg'lar prestigi prest prestidggisi oh, sod it, you're good at this.
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Sarah B
Date: January 11, 2003 04:12PM
I agree's wiv' Sam an' Jon. Much congrat'lat'ns!
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Date: January 11, 2003 06:05PM
Minsky wasn't at all happy about being sent off on his own to explain things to the UA of W Cat, and he wasn't in any way mollified when I suggested that if he really needed some moral support, he could always go and ask Legolas. But, as I told him at the time, I did have other considerations. Mr Weller's problem was certainly urgent, but then so was Squirdle's, and on top of that I hadn't forgotten we were supposed to be tracking down the elusive Thursday Next Week. So it made a great deal more sense if Minsky went to see the cat and I made a phone call to Maxwell Faraday.
"SO-17 Research Division," came a crisp female voice at the other end.
"Is Max Faraday there?" I asked.
There was a pause. "Who's calling?" asked the voice, suspiciously.
"It's Sarah Goode-Evans. I need his help on a technical matter."
"Well, you sound very much like Jane Hardly-Decent to me," replied the voice nastily. "And if I see you round here again, I'll..."
"Excuse me," I interrupted. "I don't even know who Jane Hardly-Decent is. What the devil are you talking about?"
"You know very well..."
"No, I do not!" I said firmly, starting to get annoyed. "What's your name, young woman?"
"Beverley Hills. Max's girlfriend, as if you didn't know."
"I didn't. Congratulations," I replied. "How long have you two been going out?"
"Two years," snapped Beverley.
I sighed. Clearly there had been some kind of time slip the ChronoGuard hadn't spotted. I wondered whether to mention it to Andrew Gregorian next time I spoke to him. "Wedding bells in the offing?" I asked.
"It's none of your plocking business, Hardly-Decent," she retorted.
"I am not Hardly-Decent, and if you don't put Max on the line right now, I'm going to pop up in your time stream personally and give you a thick ear," I growled. "Deeply as I should regret having to do such a thing to the girlfriend of one of my oldest friends."
There was a shocked pause. "You're not in our time stream?"
"No, Beverley. I am not in your time stream. Check the incoming phone number if you don't believe me."
"Oh," said Beverley, in a very small voice.
I sighed. "That's better. Now put him on, will you? This is important."
There were muffled thuds and crashes at the other end of the phone, and I knew Max was not far away. Max is one of the sweetest chaps I know, but he's not exactly the most graceful. A few moments later, Max's voice from the other end said, "Er, hallo?"
"Max," I said. "At last! This is Sarah."
"Hi there! What was all that about that plocking Jane?"
I rolled my eyes. "Your girlfriend thought I sounded like her. Never heard such a stupid idea. I don't even know who she is."
There was the silent, but expressive, sound of Max's mind boggling. "Time I introduced you to Bev," he said, at last. "I think once she's met you, she'll realise you have absolutely nothing in common."
This was apparently all I was going to be told about the mysterious Jane Hardly-Decent, and possibly it was all I really wanted to hear. I got down to business. "You know that demon of yours?" I asked. "Squirdle?"
"Oh, no, he's not being a pest, is he?" asked Max, instantly alarmed.
"On the contrary! He saved our lives in the last case I was on, and he's trying to reform. No, he's being remarkably good by demonic standards. The problem is, some senior demon he apparently can't identify has put a curse on him so that he mixes up letters in words when he talks. Would you have any idea how to get rid of it?"
"Oh, dear," said Max, sounding really worried. "A curse. Difficult one. I'd have to have a look at him. Could you get me into your time stream and then put me back where I was before, so no-one knew I'd gone?"
"I could do that quite easily," I assured him, "but wouldn't you prefer me to bring him across into yours?"
"Can't risk it," replied Max guiltily. "There's been a bit of a stink since he went missing. Unfortunately the boss did a check a couple of days after I passed him on to you. He hasn't found out, but if he did I'd get an official reprimand."
"Ah," I said. "Can't have that. I'd better see what I can do to patch things so that Squirdle was never in your lab in the first place. In the meantime, I'll come and fetch you now. Would Bev like to join us?"
There was the sound of brief conferring, and then, "No, she says she'll hold the fort in case anything goes wrong. She used to go out with a ChronoGuard and she says she knows what they're like."
It was an implied slur on my ability, but it was possibly worth it not to be lumbered with Max's jealous girlfriend while we were sorting out Squirdle's problem. She really needn't have worried, anyway. If anything had ever been going to happen between Max and me, it would have happened a long time ago. "Fine," I said, non-committally. "Heading right over."
A few moments later (personal time frame), I was back in the living room with Max,
who gave Wilfred a very strange look and then glanced around at the cats. "Where's the boss?" he asked. "Out protecting his territory?"
I shook my head. "It's kind of complicated to explain. He's had a bit of an accident involving a fictional character."
Max shrugged. He's used to completely crazy-sounding statements from me. "So where's Squirdle?"
"Upstairs in the bathroom. I'll just..."
I was interrupted by the sudden materialisation of Minsky, accompanied by the UA of W Cat and a tall, skinny, gum-chewing stranger in a Humphrey Bogart raincoat and a dark brown hat which had definitely seen better days.
"Huh?!" said Max, stepping back a couple of paces and colliding with my swivel chair in amazement.
"This is Dirk Gumshoe," announced the UA of W Cat. "JurisFiction's Head of Electronic Literature. He's the hero of a whole string of twenty-third century crime novels by Nostalgia Harde-Waring."
Gumshoe grinned, showing a set of nicotine-stained teeth. "This is just my line of work," he observed, extracting a packet of cigarettes from his pocket.
"Excuse me," I said. "I'm going to have to ask you not to light up in here."
"Sarah," asked Max weakly, "what the plock is going on?"
I did consider asking Minsky to give him an explanation. But after all, I wanted to live.
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Minsky Cat
Date: January 12, 2003 03:54PM
The UA of W Cat had been remarkably understanding about the whole affair, but then, after all, he does fully realise the importance of rats. I wish he hadn't felt it necessary to involve Gumshoe, though. He was the sort of human to whom I took an immediate dislike. It wasn't just the cigarettes and the chewing gum, which he sometimes - in defiance of all logic and common sense - consumed simultaneously. It was the fake 1930s posturing and the cheesy dialogue that I really couldn't stand. Nostalgia Harde-Waring's works might well be eagerly snapped up as historical novels in the twenty-third century, but their hero certainly didn't look good in the twenty-first.
"Ah, good afternoon, Max," I said, greeting the disconcerted SO-17 scientist with a friendly rub against his shins. "Nice to see you again."
"Hallo, Minsky," he replied, patting me rather absently. "Umm... I don't like to mention this, Sarah, but I think your penguin's had a bit too much to drink."
She grinned. "Oh, yes, that's Wilfred. He invariably has."
"My kind of bird," observed Gumshoe, reaching for his cigarettes again, remembering just in time that he had been asked to refrain, and cramming two pieces of chewing gum into his mouth at once instead.
"What is going on?" asked Max, rather plaintively.
Sarah sighed. "We've lost Sam Weller, basically. But I expect Mr Gumshoe here will be able to get him back, so don't worry about it."
This explanation didn't appear to satisfy Max a great deal, but nonetheless he followed Sarah up to the bathroom, possibly just so he wouldn't have to think too hard about the fact that there were currently two talking cats, an inebriated seabird and a fictional detective in the living room. As they left, my brother Chomsky walked in and eyed the UA of W Cat rather nervously.
"Er... 'ullo, mate," he said. I ought to mention that he never actually talks in front of Sarah. His excuse is that she thinks he has such a lovely purr. I think he's worried about his rather limited vocabulary, myself.
"And you would be...?" asked the UA of W Cat, curiously.
I realised my tail was starting to droop. "Er, Chomsky," I said, making the best of it. "Actually, he's my brother."
"Hi, furball," said Gumshoe affably. Chomsky, I regret to say, is so lacking in dignity that he responded to this insult by rubbing his head against Gumshoe's questionable trousers.
"This is the computer into which Mr Weller disappeared," I said, anxious to get down to business. "If you move the mouse, you'll find the file is still up on the screen."
Gumshoe shifted the mouse a little, and the screen slowly lit up again as the automatic power saver cut out. "I see," he said, thoughtfully. "And has any more of the file been typed since he jumped into it?"
I studied the screen. "Not that I can see," I replied.
"Good. That gives me somewhere to start. OK, Mr Minsky, if you'd care to come along with me, I could use your help."
I wasn't sure what to think. Book-jumping is all very well, but I had never been inside a computer before and wasn't entirely happy about the idea. What if I got lost on the Internet? It was a scary thought.
"What do you reckon?" I asked the UA of W Cat.
He grinned, which I found moderately unsettling in the circumstances. "Perfectly safe," he assured me. "Enjoy the experience. I'll let Sarah know where you've gone, don't worry."
I considered. I didn't have to follow Gumshoe, of course. I could always back out. But if I did, I would look like a coward in front of the UA of W Cat, and, even worse, in front of my soppy brother. And that, needless to say, would be unthinkable.
"All right," I said, straightening my tail. "I'm coming."
As I leapt after him into the screen, I briefly wondered whether I could get hold of extra lives online, as one sometimes can in computer games. But I had little time to think about that; within an instant, we were in the recognisable surroundings of Manor Farm. Things were going perfectly according to plan... so far.
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Date: January 12, 2003 10:57PM
Ab-so-lute-ly PLOCKING BRILLIANT!!
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Date: January 13, 2003 09:26PM
By the time Max and I reached the bathroom, Squirdle had found a new way to amuse himself. He was industriously scaling the chain of the bath plug as if it were a rope ladder. I don't think I've ever met anyone who enjoyed climbing as much as Squirdle, and I found myself briefly wondering if I could cut down a cocktail stick to make him a pair of crampons.
"Max is here, Squirdle," I announced. "He's come to see what he can do about your curse."
Squirdle swung on the chain, looking up rather balefully. "Ai-yi-yi," he said, in a tone of voice which made it abundantly clear that he personally thought Max was the last person on earth capable of dealing with such a matter.
"Say a few words, Squirdle," wheedled Max, sitting down on the edge of the bath. "Just so I can get an idea of the extent of the problem."
"Extant?" Squirdle attempted to echo scornfully. "It's expensive alp light."
"H'mmm," said Max, extracting a ballpoint absently from behind one ear and starting to chew the end. "And what can you tell me about the demon who put this curse on you?"
"Huh," retorted Squirdle. "You thing it's sample already, don't you? He was one cleaver demo. The course presents me squeaking or writhing his lame in any fort."
"Must be difficult for a demon to be unable to squeak or writhe," observed Max brightly, unwisely attempting to inject some humour into the proceedings. Squirdle gave him a look which would have curdled ink.
"I should pub up with this king of stiff from a start-apse like you?" he demanded.
"Just a joke, Squirdle," Max assured him.
"Joke, shmoke," growled the little ex-demon truculently, and aimed an ill-tempered kick at the plug to underline his point.
"Why don't we play a kind of Twenty Questions?" I suggested. "I don't suppose there's anything in the curse that stops Squirdle answering yes or no."
Max frowned. "That's assuming the name of this demon is one we already know, of course."
"Start with that question, then," I said, practically. "Are we likely to know this demon's name, Squirdle?"
"What do you thank I am, a mint-reaper already?" he replied. "I don't knot who you humans have heart of."
I sighed. "We're doing our best to help you, you know. You could try being a little more helpful in return."
"Yeah, wall, your fiend's got a warmed sense of humous," grumbled Squirdle.
The twinkle in Max's eyes told me he was going to treasure that one, but fortunately he had the sense not to comment. "I suppose it wasn't the devil himself?" I asked.
Squirdle shook his head sulkily, having evidently decided that he was going to say as little as possible in front of Max from now on.
"Um. Mephistopheles?"
Another head-shake. "We could be here all day," said Max, a little impatiently.
I had to admit that he was right; without a fairly detailed knowledge of the infernal hierarchy, or possibly lowerarchy, I was going to be reduced to trying every name I could think of individually. I thought quickly, and suddenly the answer hit me.
"The Cat!" I exclaimed. "Of course!"
Squirdle glared at me. "What car?"
"The UA of W Car, I mean Cat," I explained, excitedly. "He'll know exactly where to find information about demons. There'll probably be a book in the Library on the subject."
"The Library's faction," Squirdle objected.
"You think you're not fictional yourself?" I pointed out. "Anyway, stop fretting. You won't have to see the Cat. He's downstairs. I'll go and get his advice."
"Rake him," replied Squirdle, indicating Max. I did a momentary horrified double take until I realised that Squirdle had meant "take" and not "rape", and then beckoned Max out onto the landing.
"What is all this about a cat?" asked Max, now thoroughly bewildered.
"Just follow me, and all will be revealed," I promised.
Max rolled his eyes. "I hope not. I've had quite enough of Jane Hardly-Decent."
I decided not to ask, but hurried downstairs to find the UA of W Cat investigating the litter tray. He backed off rapidly and sheepishly, and if he had been human I'll swear he would have shoved his hands in his trouser pockets and started whistling tunelessly.
"I need something on demons," I said.
"Oh, right. See what I can do for you. By the way, Minsky's gone into the computer with Dirk Gumshoe."
I stopped in my tracks as if I had been hit with a croquet mallet. "He's what?" I asked, faintly.
"He's gone into the computer," repeated the Cat, mildly irritated. "If I were you I should have your hearing tested."
"It wasn't that I didn't hear you. I just couldn't believe it," I said. "He will be all right, won't he? I mean, he's terribly bossy, but I'd hate to lose him."
"Oh, he'll be fine," replied the Cat airily. "Anyway, he's got Gumshoe with him. What could possibly go wrong?"
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Re: A slice of Time
Posted by:
Minsky Cat
Date: January 14, 2003 04:18PM
Much later, I discovered what the UA of W Cat had said, and if he hadn't been such a good friend I should have had serious words with him about it. Not spoken ones, you understand. The sort that involve teeth and claws. After all, in his position, he really ought to have known that the phrase "What could possibly go wrong?" is a standard invitation, in any kind of fiction whatsoever, for all hell to break loose. And break loose it certainly did.
"This the place?" asked Gumshoe, reaching for a cigarette.
"Yes, it is," I replied irritably, "and put those skrrrrrking things away. People take snuff in this story."
Gumshoe replaced them sullenly in his raincoat pocket. "Just my goddamn luck," he muttered. "I suppose you're going to say they don't chew gum neither, eh?"
"That is correct," I replied, with slightly exaggerated pedantry. "They don't chew gum either."
He rolled his eyes. "I suppose they still drink liquor?"
"Oh, yes, they do that all right," I assured him, feeling very glad we hadn't brought Wilfred. "In fact, if I introduce you to Mr Wardle, I'm sure he'll be very happy to offer you a glass. He's very hospitable to visitors."
"Good to hear it..." began Gumshoe, and then broke off, staring out of the window. His face, rather sallow at the best of times, now seemed drained of all remaining colour. It was not a pretty sight.
"Problem?" I enquired.
"You want I should lift you up and show you?" he asked.
I bridled. "The only person who's allowed to do that is Sarah. I'll jump on the window sill, thank you very much."
As soon as I did so, I saw what had so horrified Gumshoe. There was nothing outside. Literally nothing. There wasn't even a velvety black void out there. It was simply a vague flickering greyish light, a sort of optical analogue of white noise, which made it disquietingly clear that nothing outside the house was currently defined.
"H'mm," I said. "Well, we are in a very small fragment of text, I suppose."
"I've never been in anything this small," he croaked.
"Maybe not, but it's still recognisably Dickens. As long as we don't try to do anything stupid like leave the house by the front door..." I paused. "Gumshoe? Are you all right?"
He was shaking like a leaf. "I need a plocking cigarette!"
"Good grief," I said. "You're terrified."
"No, I ain't," he retorted defensively. "Seen a lot worse than this. I'm just a terminal nicotine addict, that's all."
I wasn't fooled. "Gumshoe," I said, "pull yourself together and try and answer a question. Is this situation genuinely fraught with some terrible danger I don't know about, or have you just got a phobia?"
"Nnnnnnnn..." he began, only to be interrupted by Emily Wardle gracefully descending the adjacent staircase in a flurry of silk.
"Why, Minsky!" she exclaimed. "I must go and see if the cook has a scrap of liver for you. But I have not yet been introduced to this gentleman."
"Gugugugugugug," he stammered helplessly, and pointed out of the window.
"Indeed it is raining," replied Emily, quite astonished by his behaviour. "I fear the weather has been dreadful all week."
"Bubububububububub?" said Gumshoe, his eyes almost popping out of his head.
I should really have liked to be able to explain things to Emily, but unfortunately there's no way I can speak in Dickens without having it remarked on by the characters and affecting the story, so I just miaowed very loudly to relieve my feelings. By this time Emily had clearly concluded that Gumshoe was drunk, or worse, and had summoned a couple of the farm workers to take care of him. I tried to follow, but Emily was too quick for me; she scooped me up in her arms, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it or I'd rip her silk dress and risk her arriving late for the festivities. I ended up in the kitchen, being fed turkey liver by the cook, which would have been paradise in any other circumstances, but right now there were other things on my mind.
I really hate humans who panic.
Reply To This Message
Quote This Message
Forum List
Message List
Log In
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
powered by