text:
Another installment in Tucker Max's series of stories about his drunken debauchery and ridiculous antics. What began as a simple sentence on an obscure website, "My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole," and developed into two infamously genre-defining books, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell and Assholes Finish First, ends here.
But as you should expect from Tucker by now, he is going out with a bang—literally and figuratively. In this book, you'll learn:
* How to live and work in Cancun, while still enrolled in Law School
* Why Halloween is really awesome
* How to subtly torture a highstrung roommate until he explodes with furious anger over a misplaced condiment
* What really happened when a dirty pageant girl tried to sue Tucker because he told the truth
* Why you should never accept a homemade treat from a hippie with a van
As we've come to learn from Tucker, assholes do finish first...but everything comes with a price.
--from the Introduction
Actual reader feedback:
"I am completely baffled as to how you can congratulate yourself for being a womanizer and a raging drunk, or think anyone cares about an idiot like you. Do you really think that exploiting the insecurities of others while getting wasted is a legitimate thing to offer?"
"Thank you, thank you, thank you--for sharing with us your wonderful tales of drunken revelry, for teaching me what it means to be a man, for just existing so I know that there is another option; I too can say 'screw the system' and be myself and have fun. My life truly began when I finished reading your stories. Now, when faced with a quandary about what course of action I should take, I just ask myself, 'What Would Tucker Do?'--and I do it, and I am a better man for it."
"I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist."
"I'll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You're an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."
"You are the coolest person I can even imagine existing. If you slept with my girlfriend, it'd make me love her more."
Written with the goal of being the most fun you've ever had reading a book, TOTAL FRAT MOVE pulls back the curtain on this world of hard-partying American decadence. The stories are unabashed. They are hilarious. And they are going to blow you away.
You're welcome, world.
For someone who made a career out of over-sharing on the Internet, Tyler has a shocking number of personal mishaps and shenanigans to reveal in his first book: experiencing a legitimate rage blackout in a Cheesecake Factory; negotiating a tense standoff with a White House official; crashing a car in front of his entire high school, in an Arby's uniform; projectile vomiting while bartering with a grandmother; and so much more. In Binge, Tyler delivers his best untold, hilariously side-splitting moments with the trademark flair that made him a star.
Every time Allie Brosh posts something new on her hugely popular blog Hyperbole and a Half the internet rejoices.
Touching, absurd, and darkly comic, Allie Brosh's highly anticipated book Hyperbole and a Half showcases her unique voice, leaping wit, and her ability to capture complex emotions with deceptively simple illustrations.
This full-color, beautifully illustrated edition features more than fifty percent new content, with ten never-before-seen essays and one wholly revised and expanded piece as well as classics from the website like, "The God of Cake," "Dogs Don't Understand Basic Concepts Like Moving," and her astonishing, "Adventures in Depression," and "Depression Part Two," which have been hailed as some of the most insightful meditations on the disease ever written.
Brosh's debut marks the launch of a major new American humorist who will surely make even the biggest scrooge or snob laugh. We dare you not to.
This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative—like maybe someone who isn't me wrote it—but I soon discovered that I'm not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book:
Stories about things that happened to me
Stories about things that happened to other people because of me
Eight billion dollars*
Stories about dogs
The secret to eternal happiness*
*These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!
Over six million social media fans can't be wrong: Miranda Sings is one of the funniest faces on YouTube. As a bumbling, ironically talentless, self-absorbed personality (a young Gilda Radner, if you will), she offers up a vlog of helpful advice every week on her widely popular YouTube channel. For the first time ever, Miranda is putting her advice to paper in this easy-to-follow guide, illustrated by Miranda herself. In it, you'll find instructions on everything: how to get a boyfriend (wear all black and carry a fishing net), to dressing for a date (sequins and an orange tutu), to performing magic ("Magic is Lying"), and much, much more! Miranda-isms abound in these self-declared lifesaving pages, and if you don't like it…well, as Miranda would say…"Haters, back off!"
With a new bonus chapter
In Talking as Fast as I Can, Lauren Graham hits pause for a moment and looks back on her life, sharing laugh-out-loud stories about growing up, starting out as an actress, and, years later, sitting in her trailer on the Parenthood set and asking herself, "Did you, um, make it?" She opens up about the challenges of being single in Hollywood ("Strangers were worried about me; that's how long I was single!"), the time she was asked to audition her butt for a role, and her experience being a judge on Project Runway ("It's like I had a fashion-induced blackout").
In "What It Was Like, Part One," Graham sits down for an epic Gilmore Girls marathon and reflects on being cast as the fast-talking Lorelai Gilmore. The essay "What It Was Like, Part Two" reveals how it felt to pick up the role again nine years later, and what doing so has meant to her.
Some more things you will learn about Lauren: She once tried to go vegan just to bond with Ellen DeGeneres, she's aware that meeting guys at awards shows has its pitfalls ("If you're meeting someone for the first time after three hours of hair, makeup, and styling, you've already set the bar too high"), and she's a card-carrying REI shopper ("My bungee cords now earn points!").
Including photos and excerpts from the diary Graham kept during the filming of the recent Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, this book is like a cozy night in, catching up with your best friend, laughing and swapping stories, and—of course—talking as fast as you can.
"These hands are so fast, I can get your wallet before you know it. In a minute, you'll be standing there buck naked and won't know what hit you!" "Look here—if it wasn't for my tripped knee, I'd be playing in the NBA today." "Hey, Jack!" Any of these sound familiar? If they do—or even if they don't—you're in for a good laugh. The brother of patriarch Phil Robertson, Uncle Si has a limitless supply of stories about his childhood, duck hunting adventures, his days in Vietnam, and everything in between. Now the best of those tales are gathered into this roaring book.
And as Uncle Si recounts his outlandish tales, he weaves in an up-close look into his personal life. You'll learn about his childhood as the youngest son in the Robertson family, his college days, and how he came to use a green Tupperware cup for his ever-present tea.. And in many of these never-before-heard tales, Si openly talks about his wife Christine and two children, Scott and Trasa—who are never seen and rarely mentioned on the show.
Sure to please die-hard fans and curious newbies alike, Si's one-liners are presented alongside fun, expressive photographs, as well as photos of his family. As you learn about his behind-the-scenes life, this smattering of zany stories will have you falling over with laughter and retelling them to all your friends.
What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you've got another bestselling book on your hands.
Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit."
You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you've never thought of asking:
• What's it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets?
• What does it do to a man to watch a nineteen-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does?
• At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job?
• When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name on her body, what is the appropriate reaction?
The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man's experiences:
His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an asshole.
"Hell no, you can't go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep."
Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night.
Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won't care.
Since the dawn of history man has searched for the answer to the most fundamental of questions: "Why am I here…not banging chicks?" The search is over. Now, with the help of The Playbook, you'll be able to approach any beautiful woman, discover her innermost passion, and use that to trick her into sleeping with you. You'll master more than seventy-five seduction techniques, developed by pickup guru and all-around good guy Barney Stinson, guaranteed to turn you into a bona fide ladies' man. Featuring the famous plays including:
· The Lorenzo Von Matterhorn
· Mrs. Stinsfire
· The Ted Mosby
· The Time Traveler
· The "SNASA"
· The Scuba Diver
· The "He's Not Coming"
…and other greatest hits from Barney Stinson's secret Playbook of legendary moves. So suit up and get ready to be schooled in awesomeness.
By the host of The Grace Helbig Show on E! and the it'sGrace YouTube channel, comedian Grace Helbig offers an irreverent and illustrated guide to life for anyone faced with the challenge of growing up.
Infused with her trademark saucy, sweet, and funny voice, Grace's Guide is a tongue-in-cheek handbook for millennials, encompassing everything a young or new (or regular or old) adult needs to know, from how to live online to landing a job to surviving a breakup to decorating a first apartment, and much more. Charmingly illustrated, Grace's Guide features full-color photos, interactive worksheets, and exclusive stories from Grace's own misadventures, including her disastrous interview for NBC's Page Program, her lifelong struggles with anxiety, the first (and also last) time she entered a beauty pageant, meeting her first boyfriend at a high school Latin convention, and many other hilarious lessons she learned the hard way.
Amusing and unexpectedly educational, this refreshing and colorful guide proves that becoming an adult doesn't necessarily mean you have to grow up.
Brittany Gibbons has been a plus size her whole life. But instead of hiding herself in the shadows of thinner women, Brittany became a wildly popular blogger and national spokesmodel—known for stripping on stage at TedX and standing in Times Square in a bikini on national television, and making skinny people everywhere uncomfortable.
Talking honestly about size and body image on her popular blog, brittanyherself.com, she has ignited a national conversation. Now in her first book, she shares hilarious and painfully true stories about her life as a weird overweight girl growing up in rural Ohio, struggling with dating and relationships, giving the middle finger to dieting, finding love with a man smaller than her, accidentally having three kids, and figuring out the secret to loving her curves and becoming a nationally recognized body image advocate. And there's sex, lots of it!
Fat Girl Walking isn't a diet book. It isn't one of those former fat people memoirs about how someone battled, and won, in the fight against fat. Brittany doesn't lose all the weight and reveal the happy, skinny girl that's been hiding inside her. Instead, she reminds us that being chubby doesn't mean you'll end up alone, unhappy, or the subject of a cable medical show. What's important is learning to love your shape. With her infectious humor and soul-baring honesty, Fat Girl Walking reveals a life full of the same heartbreak, joy, oddity, awkwardness, and wonder as anyone else's. Just with better snacks.
If you graduated from college but still feel like a student . . . if you wear a business suit to job interviews but pajamas to the grocery store . . . if you have your own apartment but no idea how to cook or clean . . . it's OK. But it doesn't have to be this way.
Just because you don't feel like an adult doesn't mean you can't act like one. And it all begins with this funny, wise, and useful book. Based on Kelly Williams Brown's popular blog, ADULTING, makes the scary, confusing "real world" approachable, manageable--and even conquerable. This guide will help you to navigate the stormy Sea of Adulthood so that you may find safe harbor in Not Running Out of Toilet Paper Bay, and along the way you will learn:
What to check for when renting a new apartment--not just the nearby bars, but the faucets and stove, among other things. When a busy person can find time to learn more about the world (It involves the intersection of NPR and hair-straightening.)How to avoid hooking up with anyone in your office--iImagine your coworkers having plastic, featureless doll crotches. It helps. The secret to finding a mechanic you love--or, more realistically, one that will not rob you blind.
From breaking up with frenemies to fixing your toilet, this way fun comprehensive handbook is the answer for aspiring grown-ups of all ages.
In this universally accessible New York Times bestseller named for her wildly popular web series, Issa Rae—"a singular voice with the verve and vivacity of uncorked champagne" (Kirkus Reviews)—waxes humorously on what it's like to be unabashedly awkward in a world that regards introverts as hapless misfits and black as cool.
I'm awkward—and black. Someone once told me those were the two worst things anyone could be. That someone was right. Where do I start?
Being an introvert (as well as "funny," according to the Los Angeles Times) in a world that glorifies cool isn't easy. But when Issa Rae, the creator of the Shorty Award-winning hit series The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, is that introvert—whether she's navigating love, the workplace, friendships, or "rapping"—it sure is entertaining. Now, in this New York Times bestselling debut collection written in her witty and self-deprecating voice, Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all.
The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl is a book no one—awkward or cool, black, white, or other—will want to miss.
Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood.
Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is good good good good!
Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy."
Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up."
Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life."
Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."
Things you should know about Pusheen.
Birthday: February 18
Sex: Female
Where she lives: In the house, on the couch, underfoot
Her favorite pastime: Blogging, sleeping
Her best feature: Her toe beans
Her favorite food: All of them
Pusheen is a pleasantly plump cat who has warmed hearts and tickled funny bones of millions worldwide with her signature GIF animated bops, bounces, and tail wiggles. Now, Pusheen is ready to make the leap from digital to print in her first comic collection! Learn what makes her purr and find out why millions of people have already fallen in love with this naughty, adorable kitty. Featuring some of the most popular stories from Pusheen's Tumblr and Facebook pages (plus a healthy serving of never-before-seen material), I Am Pusheen the Cat is a treat for cat lovers and comics fans alike.
One of the undisputed heavyweight champions of American comedy, with nineteen appearances on the Johnny Carson show, thirteen HBO specials, five Grammys, and a critical Supreme Court battle over censorship under his belt, George Carlin saw it all throughout his extraordinary fifty-year career, and made fun of most of it. Last Words is the story of the man behind some of the most seminal comedy of the last half century, blending his signature acerbic humor with never-before-told stories from his own life, including encounters with a Who's Who of 1970s celebrity—from Lenny Bruce to Hugh Hefner—and the origins of some of his most famous standup routines. Carlin's early conflicts, his long struggle with substance abuse, his turbulent relationships with his family, and his triumphs over catastrophic setbacks all fueled the unique comedic worldview he brought to the stage. From the heights of stardom to the low points few knew about, Last Words is told with the same razor-sharp wit and unblinking honesty that made Carlin one of the best-loved comedians in American history
If your cat is kneading you, that's not a sign of affection. Your cat is actually checking your internal organs for weakness. If your cat brings you a dead animal, this isn't a gift. It's a warning. How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a hilarious, brilliant offering of comics, facts, and instructional guides about crazy cat behaviors from the creative wonderland at TheOatmeal.com.
How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You presents fan favorites, such as "Cat vs. Internet," "How to Pet a Kitty," and "The Bobcats," plus 17 brand-new, never-before-seen cat-themed comic strips. This Oatmeal collection is a must-have for cat-lovers from Mr. Oats!
When Meena literally throws herself at Leo and declares he's her mate, his first reaction is to deny—and run far, far away. This lion/tiger mix doesn't do drama and chaos. Problem is, once he sets eyes on her, he can't help but want the vivacious blonde with plus-sized curves, perfect for a big man like himself.
He wants her even if it breaks all his rules when it comes to women.
Wants her even if she destroys his serenity.
Wants her more than a perfectly grilled piece of steak with a dash of garlic, pepper, and salt.
Thing is, someone else wants her too.
This poor omega is about to have his world turned upside down, which means everyone better watch out because when Leo experiences love, jealousy, and frustration for the first time, he doesn't just snap—he roars!
Genre: paranormal romance, shapeshifter romance, alpha male, bbw heroine, werelion, werecat, romantic comedy, humorous romance, fantasy
David Spade is best known for his harsh "Hollywood" Minute Sketches on SNL, his starring roles in movies like Joe Dirt and Tommy Boy, and his seven-year stint as Dennis Finch on the series Just Shoot Me. Now, with a wit as dry as the weather in his home state of Arizona, the "comic brat extraordinaire" tells his story in Almost Interesting.
First Taking fans back to his childhood as a wannabe cool younger brother and recounting his excruciating road-tour to fame—when he was regularly mistaken for a ten year-old, Spade then dishes about his time crisscrossing the country as a comedian, for low-paying gigs and dragging along his mother's old suitcase full of props. He also covers his years on SNL during the beloved Rock/Sandler/Farley era of the 1990s, including his close working relationship and friendship with Chris Farley and brags about the ridiculous perks that fame has brought into his life, including the constant fear of being fired, a crazy ex-assistant who attacked him while he was sleeping, a run-in with Eddie Murphy on the mean streets of Beverly Hills, and of course an endless supply of hot chicks.
Sometimes dirty, always funny, and as sharp as a tack, Almost Interesting reminds you why David Spade is one of our generation's favorite funny guys.
For more than forty years—whether writing for Richard Pryor and Saturday Night Live or performing stand-up to sold-out crowds around the country—Paul Mooney has been provocative, incisive . . . and absolutely hilarious. His comedy has always been indisputably real and raw, reflecting race issues in America, and this fascinating, fearless new memoir continues that unapologetically candid tradition.
While other stars soared only to crash and burn, Paul Mooney has stayed chiefly behind the scenes, and he's got a lifetime of stories to show for it. As head writer for The Richard Pryor Show, he helped tear down racial barriers and change the course of comedy. He helped Robin Williams and Sarah Bernhard break into show business. He paved the way for superstars like Eddie Murphy. Few have witnessed as much comedy history as Mooney; even fewer could recount it with such riotous honesty and depth of insight. He reveals the truth about his celebrated partnership with the brilliant, self-destructive Richard Pryor, from their first meeting to the very last joke, and reflects on some of his most notorious moments.
Decades ago, Paul Mooney set out not just make audiences laugh but to make them think. Black Is the New White is his blisteringly funny, no-holds-barred memoir of how he continues to succeed wildly at both.
Loni Love quit her job as an electrical engineer fifteen years ago to pursue her lifelong dream of a career in comedy. Since then she has become one of the highest-paid female standup comics in the United States and her brand of relatable humor has led her down yet another path: relationship advice. Already a regular on Loveline with Dr. Drew, Telepictures is currently developing Loni's own relationship-based TV show.
In this fresh and funny advice book, Love doles out an ample serving of her unique, down-to-earth take on love, sex, and dating. Love Him or Leave Him delivers answers to women's most pressing relationship questions with the central message that treating yourself right is always the first line of attack. You may stick with him, you may bail out, but don't ever be left "stuck with the tab" or getting taken advantage of.
With the assistance of Jeannine Amber, award-winning Senior Writer for Essence magazine, Love offers up juicy tidbits of romantic advice in an easy-to-read Q&A format bolstered by hilarious been-there-done-that-tales. The message of her laugh-out-loud humor is consistent throughout: Put yourself first and love will follow.
Baratunde Thurston's comedic memoir chronicles his coming-of-blackness and offers practical advice on everything from "How to Be the Black Friend" to "How to Be the (Next) Black President".
Have you ever been called "too black" or "not black enough"?
Have you ever befriended or worked with a black person?
Have you ever heard of black people?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, this book is for you. It is also for anyone who can read, possesses intelligence, loves to laugh, and has ever felt a distance between who they know themselves to be and what the world expects.
Raised by a pro-black, Pan-Afrikan single mother during the crack years of 1980s Washington, DC, and educated at Sidwell Friends School and Harvard University, Baratunde Thurston has more than over thirty years' experience being black. Now, through stories of his politically inspired Nigerian name, the heroics of his hippie mother, the murder of his drug-abusing father, and other revelatory black details, he shares with readers of all colors his wisdom and expertise in how to be black.
"As a black woman, this book helped me realize I'm actually a white man."—Patton Oswalt
But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.
As Jenny says:
"Some people might think that being 'furiously happy' is just an excuse to be stupid and irresponsible and invite a herd of kangaroos over to your house without telling your husband first because you suspect he would say no since he's never particularly liked kangaroos. And that would be ridiculous because no one would invite a herd of kangaroos into their house. Two is the limit. I speak from personal experience. My husband says that none is the new limit. I say he should have been clearer about that before I rented all those kangaroos.
"Most of my favorite people are dangerously fucked-up but you'd never guess because we've learned to bare it so honestly that it becomes the new normal. Like John Hughes wrote in The Breakfast Club, 'We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it.' Except go back and cross out the word 'hiding.'"
Furiously Happy is about "taking those moments when things are fine and making them amazing, because those moments are what make us who we are, and they're the same moments we take into battle with us when our brains declare war on our very existence. It's the difference between "surviving life" and "living life". It's the difference between "taking a shower" and "teaching your monkey butler how to shampoo your hair." It's the difference between being "sane" and being "furiously happy."
Lawson is beloved around the world for her inimitable humor and honesty, and in Furiously Happy, she is at her snort-inducing funniest. This is a book about embracing everything that makes us who we are - the beautiful and the flawed - and then using it to find joy in fantastic and outrageous ways. Because as Jenny's mom says, "Maybe 'crazy' isn't so bad after all." Sometimes crazy is just right.
Cleese was just days away from graduating Cambridge and setting off on a law career when he was visited by two BBC executives, who offered him a job writing comedy for radio. That fateful moment—and a near-simultaneous offer to take his university humor revue to London's famed West End—propelled him down a different path, cutting his teeth writing for stars like David Frost and Peter Sellers, and eventually joining the five other Pythons to pioneer a new kind of comedy that prized invention, silliness, and absurdity. Along the way, he found his first true love with the actress Connie Booth and transformed himself from a reluctant performer to a world class actor and back again.
Twisting and turning through surprising stories and hilarious digressions—with some brief pauses along the way that comprise a fascinating primer on what's funny and why—this story of a young man's journey to the pinnacle of comedy is a masterly performance by a master performer.
—Chelsea Handler
"Read this unless you're allergic to laughing."
—Kristen Bell
"If you're wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes."
—Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like
Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son's relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.
From the disastrous pilot show of 2002 to the sudden and unexpected ending in 2015, working on Top Gear was quite a rollercoaster ride. We crossed continents, we made space ships, we bobbed across the world's busiest shipping lane in a pick-up truck. We also got chased by an angry mob, repeatedly sparked fury in newspapers, and almost killed one of our presenters.
I realised that I had quite a few stories to tell from behind the scenes on the show. I remembered whose daft idea it was to get a dog. I recalled the willfully stupid way in which we decorated our horrible office. I had a sudden flashback to the time a Bolivian drug lord threatened to kill us. I decided I should write down some of these stories. So I have. I hope you like them.
And now, a quote from James May: 'Richard Porter has asked me to "write a quote" for his new book about the ancient history of Top Gear. But this is a ridiculous request. How can one "write a quote"? Surely, by definition, a quote must be extracted from a greater body of writing, for the purpose of illustrating or supporting a point in an unrelated work. I cannot "write a quote" any more than I could "film an out-take".
'Porter, like Athens, has lost his marbles.'
When Artie Lange joined the permanent cast of The Howard Stern Show in 2001, it was possibly the greatest thing ever to happen in the Stern universe, second only to the show's move to the wild, uncensored frontier of satellite radio. Lange provided what Stern had yet to find all in the same place: a wit quick enough to keep pace with his own, a pathetic self-image to dwarf his own, a personal history both heartbreaking and hilarious, and an ingrained sense of self-sabotage that continually keeps things interesting.
A natural storyteller with a bottomless pit of material, Lange grew up in a close-knit, working-class Italian family in Union, New Jersey, a maniacal Yankees fan who pursued the two things his father said he was cut out for—sports and comedy. Tragically, Artie Lange Sr. never saw the truth in that prediction: He became a quadriplegic in an accident when Artie was eighteen and died soon after. But as with every trial in his life, from his drug addiction to his obesity to his fights with his mother, Artie mines the humor, pathos, and humanity in these events and turns them into comedy classics.
True fans of the Stern Show will find Artie gold in these pages: hilarious tales that couldn't have happened to anyone else. There are stories from his days driving a Jersey cab, working as a longshoreman in Port Newark, and navigating the dark circuit of stand-up comedy. There are outrageous episodes from the frenzied heights of his coked-up days at MADtv, surprisingly moving stories from his childhood, and an account of his recent U.S.O. tour that is equally stirring and irreverent. But also in this volume are stories Artie's never told before, including some that he deemed too revealing for radio.
Wild, shocking, and drop-dead hilarious, Too Fat to Fish is Artie Lange giving everything he's got to give. And like a true pro, the man never disappoints.
Miranda Hart will carry you along with the sheer force of her charm, bumbling cheer and charisma. - Sunday Express
Well hello to you dear browser. Now I have your attention it would be rude if I didn't tell you a little about my literary feast. So, here is the thing: is it just me or does anyone else find that adulthood offers no refuge from the unexpected horrors, peculiar lack of physical coordination and sometimes unexplained nudity, that accompanied childhood and adolescence?
Does everybody struggle with the hazards that accompany, say, sitting elegantly on a bar stool; using chopsticks; pretending to understand the bank crisis; pedicures - surely it's plain wrong for a stranger to fondle your feet? Or is it just me?
I am proud to say I have a wealth of awkward experiences - from school days to life as an office temp - and here I offer my 18-year-old self (and I hope you too dear reader) some much needed caution and guidance on how to navigate life's rocky path.
Because frankly where is the manual? The much needed manual to life. Well, fret not, for this is my attempt at one and let's call it, because it's fun, a Miran-ual. I thank you.
Just when she thinks she's about to get her happily ever after, her sister steps in to have an affair with her fiancé on her wedding day. Determined to bring Molly out of her funk, her friends take her out for a night on the town, only for her to go home with a professional boxer who pops in and out of her life when she least expects it. Her mother tries to push her back into the arms of her cheating ex, but forgiving Jason is the hardest thing Molly will ever have to do. And even if she can forgive him, does her happily ever after include her ex-fiance, or the charming boxer with a shady past?
When he was a young boy, Kasher's mother took him on a vacation to the West Coast. Well it was more like an abduction. Only not officially. She stole them away from their father and they moved to Oakland , California. That's where the real fun begins, in the war zone of Oakland Public Schools. He was more than just out of control-his mother walked him around on a leash, which he chewed through and ran away.
Those early years read like part Augusten Burroughs, part David Sedaris, with a touch of Jim Carrol...but a lot more Jewish. In fact, Kasher later spends time in a Brooklyn Hasidic community. Then came addicition...
Brutally honest and laugh-out-loud funny, Kasher's first literary endeavor finds humor in even the most horrifying situations.
From the minds of Kris, Rob, Matt, and Dave comes a barrage of irreverent entertainment sure to keep you amused until the day you die. Just see what their mothers have to say!
"Dave is a nice, young man with a bright future ahead of him. I always knew he was a gifted boy who would go on to do great things. I hope he settles down with a nice, young woman and ****s the **** out of her."
—Dave's mom
"I don't know how to get computer pictures, so I'm glad Kris finally has a book out. I haven't read it yet, but I hope he gives me a quote on the back."
—Kris's mom
"I hope Robert's book does well so he can finally afford to move out. He plays his hip-hop music too loud."
—Rob's mom
Matt's mom was unavailable for a quote due to being dead.
Elle James, kidnapped and held prisoner by Mr. Grey's ruthless enemy, wonders if she will ever see the handsome billionare again. Her kidnapper is intent on using Elle as a pawn in his twisted game against Grey. Yet Elle formulates a plan in her attempt to escape his evil clutches, a plan that may very well backfire on her.
Billionaire C.E.O Grey - a world famous BDSM expert - laments the loss of the girl he has just fallen in love with, and resolves to rescue his not-so-submissive-submissive; yet his arch rival is unlikely to go down without a fight.
Exploring the dark caverns of their desires, a much bigger challenge is about to face the 'bound together by fate' lovers, a challenge that all couples must. With Mr. Grey's secret life becoming more and more apparent to Elle, she is, however, enthrawled by Grey's bondage expertise. But rivals for Elle's heart are making her decisions exceptionally hard to make, and a tipping point neither can avoid, is looming fast on the horizon...
Warning: Although this is a work of parody, it is also a work of erotica, that contains graphic sexual scenes of tentacle sex, tentacle bondage, S&M and humor...
Words: 25,612
After Vanilla Ice, but before Eminem, there was "Hot Karl," the Jewish kid from the L.A. suburbs who became a rap battling legend—and then almost became a star.
When 12-year old Jensen Karp got his first taste of rapping for crowds at his friend's bar mitzvah in 1991, little did he know that he was taking his first step on a crazy journey—one that would end with a failed million-dollar recording and publishing deal with Interscope Records when he was only 19. Now, in Kanye West Owes Me $300, Karp finally tells the true story of his wild ride as "Hot Karl," the most famous white rapper you've never heard of.
On his way to (almost) celebrity, Jensen shares his childhood run-ins with rock-listening, southern California classmates, who tell him that "rap is for black people," and then recounts his record-breaking rap battling streak on popular radio contest "The Roll Call"—a run that caught the eye of a music industry hungry for new rap voices in the early '00s. He also introduces his rap partner, Rickye, who constitutes the second half of their group XTra Large; his supportive mom, who performs with him onstage; and the soon-to-be-household-name artists he records with, including Kanye West, Redman, Fabolous, Mya, and will.i.am. Finally, he reveals why his album never saw the light of day (two words: Slim Shady), the downward spiral he suffered after, and what he found instead of rap glory.
Full of rollicking stories from his close brush with fame, Karp's hilarious memoir is the ultimate fish-out-of-water story about a guy who follows an unlikely passion—trying to crack the rap game—despite what everyone else says. It's 30 Rock for the rap set; 8 Mile for the suburbs; and quite the journey for a white kid from the valley.
From the Hardcover edition.
So you're going to be a parent.
You might be asking yourself a series of important questions:
Will I be a good parent? • Will I be able to afford this? • Can I ever have sex again?
Well, the answer to all these questions is a rock-solid no. But just because your existence is now a petrifying turd on the canvas of life doesn't mean your kid has to be as lame as you're about to become. That's why I've written this book—to teach you how to be an awesomommy or legendaddy.
The Bro Code for Parents will help you:
Choose a baby name that won't get your kid stuffed into a junior high locker •
Interview and hire a smokin' hot nanny • Teach your child instant classics like "The Boobs on the Bus" and "Bro, Bro, Bro Your Boat"
With full-color illustrations, interactive work sheets, and even suggestions for how to turn a stroller into a broller, The Bro Code for Parents gives you all the tools you'll need to raise your child to be almost as awesome as I am. Almost.
"Hell no, you can't go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep."
Go the Fuck to Sleep is a book for parents who live in the real world, where a few snoozing kitties and cutesy rhymes don't always send a toddler sailing blissfully off to dreamland. Profane, affectionate, and radically honest, it captures the familiar—and unspoken—tribulations of putting your little angel down for the night.
Read by a host of celebrities, from Samuel L. Jackson to Jennifer Garner, this subversively funny bestselling storybook will not actually put your kids to sleep, but it will leave you laughing so hard you won't care.
Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.
From here the story could take many turns. When this guy is David Sedaris, the possibilities are endless, but the result is always the same: he will both delight you with twists of humor and intelligence and leave you deeply moved.
Sedaris remembers his father's dinnertime attire (shirtsleeves and underpants), his first colonoscopy (remarkably pleasant), and the time he considered buying the skeleton of a murdered Pygmy.
With Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, David Sedaris shows once again why his work has been called "hilarious, elegant, and surprisingly moving" (Washington Post).
In this second collection of over 50 comics, you'll be treated to the hilarity of "The Crap We Put Up with Getting On and Off an Airplane," "Why Captain Higgins Is My Favorite Parasitic Flatworm," "This Is How I Feel about Buying Apps," "6 Things You Really Don't Need to Take a Photo of," and much more. Along with lambasting the latest culture crazes, Inman serves up recurrent themes such as foodstuffs, holidays, e-mail, as well as technological, news-of-the-day, and his snarky yet informative comics on grammar and usage. Online and in print, The Oatmeal delivers brilliant, irreverent comic hilarity.
After years of painstaking, round-the-clock research, surviving on a mere twenty minutes of sleep a night, and collaborating with lexicographers, plumbers, and mathematicians, DeGeneres has crafted a book that is both easy to use and very funny. Along with her trademark ramblings, The Funny Thing Is...contains hundreds of succinct insights into her psyche, supplemented by easy-to-understand charts, graphs, and diagrams so that you'll never miss a joke.
Overseeing all aspects of production, DeGeneres labored over details both significant and insignificant, including typefaces, page number placement, and which of the thousands of world languages to use. Ultimately she selected English, as it's her mother tongue, but translations into Hindi and Pig Latin are already in the works.
DeGeneres takes an innovative approach to the organization of her book by utilizing a section in the beginning that includes the name of each chapter, along with a corresponding page number. She calls it the "Table of Contents," and she is confident that it will become the standard to which all books in the future will aspire.
Some of the other innovative features you'll find in this edition:
• More than 50,000 simple, short words arranged in sentences that form paragraphs.
• Thousands of observations on everyday life -- from terrible fashion trends to how to handle seating arrangements for a Sunday brunch with Paula Abdul, Diane Sawyer, and Eminem.
• All twenty-six letters of the alphabet.
Sure to make you laugh, The Funny Thing Is...is an indispensable reference for anyone who knows how to read or wants to fool people into thinking they do.
Jeremy Clarkson has seen rather more of the world than most. He has, as they say, been around a bit. And as a result, he's got one or two things to tell us about how it all works - and being Jeremy Clarkson he's not about to voice them quietly, humbly and without great dollops of humour.
In The World According to Clarkson, he reveals why it is that:
• Too much science is bad for our health
• '70s rock music is nothing to be ashamed of
• Hunting foxes while drunk and wearing night-sights is neither big nor clever
• We must work harder to get rid of cricket
• He liked the Germans (well, sometimes)
With a strong dose of common sense that is rarely, if ever, found inside the M25, Clarkson hilariously attacks the pompous, the ridiculous, the absurd and the downright idiotic, whilst also celebrating the eccentric, the clever and the sheer bloody brilliant.
Less a manifesto for living and more a road map to modern life, The World According to Clarkson is the funniest book you'll read this year. Don't leave home without it.
The World According to Clarkson is a hilarious collection of Jeremy's Sunday Times columns and the first in his The World According to Clarkson series which also includes And Another Thing . . . , For Crying Out Loud! and How Hard Can It Be?
Praise for Jeremy Clarkson:
'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out
Number-one bestseller and presenter of the hugely popular Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson writes on cars, current affairs and anything else that annoys him in his sharp and funny collections. Born To Be Riled, Clarkson On Cars, Don't Stop Me Now, Driven To Distraction, Round the Bend, Motorworld, and I Know You Got Soul are also available as Penguin paperbacks; the Penguin App iClarkson: The Book of Carscan be downloaded on the App Store.
I Partridge: We Need To Talk About Alan is the memoir of Alan Partridge, the nation's favourite broadcaster. It is a work of heart-breaking majesty.
Genuinely one of the best books of the last fifteen to twenty years, I, Partridge charts the highs, lows and middle bits in the life of one of Europe's most revered inquisitors.
—Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother
"Caitlin Moran is so fabulous, so funny, so freshly feminist. I don't want to be like her—I want to be her."
—Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter
Caitlin Moran puts a new face on feminism, cutting to the heart of women's issues today with her irreverent, transcendent, and hilarious How to Be a Woman. "Half memoir, half polemic, and entirely necessary," (Elle UK), Moran's debut was an instant runaway bestseller in England as well as an Amazon UK Top Ten book of the year; still riding high on bestseller lists months after publication, it is a bona fide cultural phenomenon. Now poised to take American womanhood by storm, here is a book that Vanity Fair calls "the U.K. version of Tina Fey's Bossypants….You will laugh out loud, wince, and—in my case—feel proud to be the same gender as the author."
As well as giving a specific account of every single time he's scored some smack, this disgusting memoir also details:
• the singular, pitbull-infested charm of the FRP ('Flat Roofed Pub')
• the curious French habit of injecting everyone in the arse rather than the arm
• why, by the time he got to Cambridge, he really, really needed a drink
• the pain of being denied a childhood birthday party at McDonalds
• the satisfaction of writing jokes about suicide
• how doing quite a lot of walking around London helps with his sciatica
• trying to pretend he isn't a total **** at Robert Webb's wedding
• that he has fallen in love at LOT, but rarely done anything about it
• why it would be worse to bump into Michael Palin than Hitler on holiday
• that he's not David Mitchell the novelist. Despite what David Miliband might think
"One of the best series in the history of fantasy."—Los Angeles Times
Winter is coming. Such is the stern motto of House Stark, the northernmost of the fiefdoms that owe allegiance to King Robert Baratheon in far-off King's Landing. There Eddard Stark of Winterfell rules in Robert's name. There his family dwells in peace and comfort: his proud wife, Catelyn; his sons Robb, Brandon, and Rickon; his daughters Sansa and Arya; and his bastard son, Jon Snow. Far to the north, behind the towering Wall, lie savage Wildings and worse—unnatural things relegated to myth during the centuries-long summer, but proving all too real and all too deadly in the turning of the season.
Yet a more immediate threat lurks to the south, where Jon Arryn, the Hand of the King, has died under mysterious circumstances. Now Robert is riding north to Winterfell, bringing his queen, the lovely but cold Cersei, his son, the cruel, vainglorious Prince Joffrey, and the queen's brothers Jaime and Tyrion of the powerful and wealthy House Lannister—the first a swordsman without equal, the second a dwarf whose stunted stature belies a brilliant mind. All are heading for Winterfell and a fateful encounter that will change the course of kingdoms.
Meanwhile, across the Narrow Sea, Prince Viserys, heir of the fallen House Targaryen, which once ruled all of Westeros, schemes to reclaim the throne with an army of barbarian Dothraki—whose loyalty he will purchase in the only coin left to him: his beautiful yet innocent sister, Daenerys.
"Long live George Martin . . . a literary dervish, enthralled by complicated characters and vivid language, and bursting with the wild vision of the very best tale tellers."—The New York Times
Elle James, a virginal and award winning erotica author in the college Erotic Writing Club, is one day asked to do a favor by her friend, fellow erotic writing buff, Sarah. The favor is simple, all Elle has to do is take Sarah's place and interview a world famous billionaire BDSM expert. Elle realizes the interview could really help her out with research for one of her upcoming BDSM books, and so agrees.
As a strong and willful girl, Elle has no actual interest in pursuing a BDSM lifestyle, knowing that she's just not suited to it at all. But when she arrives and meets Mr. Grey at his corporation headquarters, she becomes confused, as she feels he's bending her to his will.
Mr. Grey, a handsome billionaire, has a deep and dark secret though (no, not the one you're thinking of, another deep and dark secret.) Having taken on many a submissive before, he finds there is something different about Elle, something that intrigues him. Not sure whether to confide everything in Elle and trust her, the pair however embark on a sexual journey that will take Elle to her extremes, and will force Mr. Grey to make a decision that could result in his ruin...
Warning: Although this is a work of parody, it is also a work of erotica that contains graphic sexual scenes of tentacle sex, tentacle bondage, S&M and humor!
fifty shades of grey, fifty shades, billionaire erotica, billionaire erotic romance, tentacle monster, tentacle erotica, tentacle monster erotica, bdsm, S&M, domination erotica, domination and submission, free ebooks, free erotica, free erotica books, free erotical,
How does a betch make that happen?
Here are some highlights:
We didn't come up with these life lessons. We're just the ones who wrote it all down. This is not self-help. Self-help is for fat people and divorcées. This is how to deal with your problems when you have no problems. You're welcome.
I was on vacation with my family in the Catskills when out of nowhere, this bat flies right into my chest and then falls splat on the ground. Turned out, he died on impact.
Every Sunday, we do a feast for fifteen to twenty-five people. Last week, we went through seventy-five meatballs. Even by my family's standards, that's a lot of balls.
Swearing off lasagna to lose weight? You might fit into smaller jeans. But you're still the same person— except hungrier and bitchier.
Would I rather cook for people or have sex? No hard-and-fast rule there. But I will say this: Cooking is always satisfying.
Well, someone's got to do it: in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy.
And there's no knowign what might catch Jeremy's eye along the way. It could be:
-The merits of Stonehenge as a business model
-Why all meetings are a waste of time
-The theft of the Queen's cows
-One Norwegian man's unique approach to showing his gratitude
-Fitting a burglar alarm to a tortoise
-Or how Lou Reed was completely wrong about what makes a perfect day
Pithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? Why doesn't someone care? I mean, is it really too much to ask?
It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.
Jeremy Clarkson becomes the hilarious voice of a nation once more in Is It Really Too Much To Ask?, Volume 5 of The World According To Clarkson, following bestselling titles The World According to Clarkson, And Another Thing, For Crying Out Loud and How Hard Can It Be?.
Praise for Clarkson:
'Brilliant... laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph
'Outrageously funny... will have you in stitches' Time Out
Jeremy Clarkson began his writing career on the Rotherham Advertiser. He now writes for the Sun and the Sunday Times and is the tallest person working in British television.


text:
At a time when federal budget cuts are reshaping the nation's aerospace industry, a far different makeover is underway in the executive suites of some of the country's biggest defense contractors.
Lockheed Martin Corp., the world's largest defense firm, announced this month that electronics whiz Marillyn A. Hewson would become chief executive — the first woman to take on that role at the company.
The move came abruptly after the Bethesda, Md., company's incoming chief executive, Christopher E. Kubasik, was forced out after an ethics investigation confirmed he had a "close personal relationship" with a subordinate employee.
It was an announcement that might have drawn much greater attention from the nation's defense establishment in Washington if it hadn't come the same day CIA Director David Petraeus suddenly resigned amid headline-rich reports of an extramarital affair.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Meals provided for homeless individuals and families in need.
Below is a list of homeless services funded all or in part by the City of Albuquerque. For information on other services, please dial 2-1-1 (United Way Information and Referral Search) or click on http://www.uwcnm.org/211.
Project Share
Address: 1515 Yale SE
Phone: 242-5677
Fax: 242-2474
Thursday – Tuesday: Dinner 5 - 6 p.m.
St. Martin's Hospitality Center
Address: 1201 3rd St NW
Phone: 843-9405
Fax: 843-8624
Monday – Friday: Breakfast 8 a.m. – 2 p.m.
Sunday: Brunch 7:30 a.m. – 10 a.m.


text:
A 69-year-old woman was critically injured Saturday morning after her bicycle collided with a pickup while she was riding in New Bern�s annual MS Bike event.
A 69-year-old woman was critically injured Saturday morning after her bicycle collided with a pickup while she was riding in New Bern�s annual MS Bike event.
Nancy Swackhamer of Matthews was riding near the intersection of N.C. 43 and Spring Garden Road at 9:39 a.m. during the first day of the two-day fundraiser when the accident occurred.
Swackham was airlifted to Vidant Medical Center in Greenville. A spokeswoman at Vidant said Sunday afternoon Swackhamer was still in the hospital and in critical condition.
Trooper J. Midgette of the Highway Patrol said Swackhamer was traveling north on N.C. 43 and a Ford F-450 pickup driven by Jimmy Ipock, 64, of Ernul, was also traveling north behind her.
�The truck was going to try to drive around her and at the same time she made an attempt to merge into the left lane at Spring Garden,� Midgette said.
Swackhamer was riding alone at the time of the accident but there were a couple of cyclists behind her who saw the collision and say she was run over by the truck, injuring her pelvis area, Midgette said.
�But I can�t verify that,� he said.
Swackhamer had been airlifted by the time Midgette got on the scene, he said.
Midgette said Ipock was not speeding and the accident happened very slowly.
�He was very upset,� Midgette said.
The accident is still under investigation and it has not been determined who was at fault, Midget said.
Jeff Furst, chapter president of the Greater Carolinas Chapter of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, said he could confirm there was an incident during the MS Bike event, but he could not comment on the specifics until the family was notified.
�We are working with the police investigation and also doing everything we can for the family,� Furst said Sunday. �And we know that the cyclist is getting the best medical treatment available.�
Eddie Fitzgerald can be reached at 252-635-5675 or at firstname.lastname@example.com. Follow him on Twitter @staffwriter3.


text:
Rodriguez and Schneiderlin to stay
Southampton chairman Ralph Krueger has declared neither Jay Rodriguez nor Morgan Schneiderlin will be sold this summer.
- Smith: Saints submit to football's hierarchy
- Rann: Who is to blame for Saints' plight
With former manager Mauricio Pochettino believed to be interested in taking the duo to join him at Tottenham, Saints fans would have been worried that the exodus at St Mary's could continue.
Adam Lallana, Rickie Lambert and Dejan Lovren have all moved to Liverpool while Luke Shaw has signed for Manchester United and Arsenal have taken Calum Chambers to Emirates Stadium, with Southampton pocketing almost 100 million pounds for the combined deals.
Summer transfer window roundup
- Premier League: Team-by-team ins and outs
- Transfer Centre: All the done deals
- Marcotti: Mind-boggling transfers
- Delaney: What did we learn on deadline day?
- Horncastle: European transfer grades
- Smith: Transfers more important than the game?
- Macintosh: We worship goals, not balance sheets
But Krueger has refuted reports that Rodriguez, who is currently sidelined with a serious knee injury, and Schneiderlin will follow them away from the south coast.
"They are part of the core that we have decided to keep at Southampton," he told Sky Sports News. "Jay Rodriguez and Morgan Schneiderlin are not for sale and they will be a part of our club as we enter the new season.
"In and around Jay Rodriguez and Morgan Schneiderlin and the rest of our core players, we're excited to continue to build forward, but all those stories are false."
With the exception of Shaw, all of the players who have left the club have moved to sides which will be competing in the Champions League next season.
With a place in Europe's elite club competition the ultimate goal for Saints, who were playing in League One four seasons ago, Krueger accused those who have departed of taking the easy route to Champions League football.
"We entered the transfer window with a plan. We have a clear strategic approach to this summer and we did not put any players up for sale," he said. "It was quite clear that we had multiple players interested in taking a shortcut to Champions League football.
"We set premiums on the players and we reached those premiums. It was in the best interests of the club and in the best interests of our rebuild to make these deals and to continue to build forward with players and with the team that wants to go the hard way into Europe.
"There was interest there and we saw that interest brewing a little bit before the World Cup and quite clearly we stayed patient, we didn't make quick deals in any way, shape or form.
"None of these deals were made on financial reasons alone, we were completely ready to have players stay in Southampton even against their desires if we didn't reach our prices."
But Schneiderlin appeared to react badly to the comments, tweeting shortly afterwards:
6 years of an amazing journey #saintsfc DESTROYED in 1 hour !!!
- Morgan Schneiderlin (@SchneiderlinMo4) July 29, 2014
New manager Ronald Koeman has already started the rebuilding job by bringing in Eredivisie pair Dusan Tadic and Graziano Pelle but the Dutchman will be keen to add several other players to his squad before the Premier League campaign begins at Liverpool.
Although Krueger knows adding more talent to the squad a must, he refused to put a time-frame on any new arrivals.
"We are excited to continue in the rebuilding process in the next few weeks," Krueger added. "We will have players coming in, we will make transfers to strengthen the squad. I can understand some frustration but we needed to stay silent to do the best deals for the club.
"Ronald Koeman has done an outstanding job so far. We are extremely pleased with the work going on at St Mary's and we know we are going in the right way but we also know that we need more players and that we need more depth.
"It is not about getting them in today or tomorrow, it is about getting the right players in on the right deal that fits the way Ronald wants to play. We want to give him the players that are necessary -- of course we would like to see them in sooner rather than later but we will make the deals when the time is right for the club.
"It is come to September that is judgement day and I think people need to realise we are in a process right now. The match is far from over and on Sept. 1 let's have a conversation."
Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, photo & other personal information you make public on Facebook will appear with your comment, and may be used on ESPN's media platforms. Learn more.


text:
Union beats Providence 3-1 to reach Frozen Four
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (AP) — Max Novak had a goal and an assist and top-seeded Union beat Providence 3-1 on Saturday to win the NCAA East Region championship and advance to the Frozen Four for the second time in three years.
Mat Bodie and Matt Hatch also scored for Union (30-6-4), which is unbeaten in its last 15 games, and had won its last 10.
The Dutchmen, who lost in the 2012 national semifinals to Ferris State, are ranked No. 1 in the nation for the first time in program history.
Nick Saracino scored with a little more than 5 minutes left in the third-period for Providence (22-11-6), which trailed 2-0 after two.
But the Dutchmen ended the Friars' comeback hopes 1:08 later when Novak went behind the net and found Hatch in front for a one-timer.
"We knew we wanted to find the soft spots in the slot," Hatch said. "That was part of our game plan, and I just kind of got lost and Max made a great pass out."
Union opened the scoring just 2:42 into the game on a slap shot from Bodie, who took a cross-ice pass from Daniel Carr at the top of the left circle and found top right corner of the net.
Union's Colin Stevens had 25 saves, including a key one in the first period when he managed to glove a rebound shot from point-blank range by Derek Army.
He also was helped by Hobey Baker finalist Shayne Gostisbehere, who jumped into the net when Stevens got out of position and made a flurry of saves that preserved the 1-0 lead.
"That was a massive play in the game," Bodie said. "I thought it was a goal. But you need those breaks sometimes in these types of tournaments."
Union scored again 58 seconds into the second period.
Novak, who was named the region's most outstanding player, put a backhand shot on net that seemed to be stopped by Providence goalie Jon Gillies, who had 28 saves. But the puck kept moving underneath him and slowly trickled into the net as Hatch poked at it. Novak, who scored twice in Friday's win over Vermont, got credit for the score.
Stevens came up big again in the second stopping a shot by Steven McParland after the Providence wing stole the puck and skated to the front of the net.
Providence pressed the attack in the third, outshooting Union 12-9, and breaking through when Saracino found a rebound to the right of the net put the puck over Colin Stevens' glove.
"We knew we had to be desperate in the third, our season was on the line," Saracino said.
This was the first game between Union and Providence since coach Nate Leaman left the Dutchmen to take over the Friars after the 2011 season.
Rick Bennett, his former assistant, has led the Dutchmen to the regional finals in each of the last three seasons. Bennett was a former Hobey Baker finalist when he starred at Providence and is a member of the Friars' Hall of Fame.
"I just want to let (coach Leaman) know that a part of him is a part of this team too," Bennett said.
The Friars had not been to the NCAA tournament since 2001 and hadn't not won a game since 1991.


text:
Companies Seek Improved Unified Communications
The vast majority of large enterprises are actively involved in planning and budgeting for improved unified communications and collaboration (UCC) solutions, according to a recent global survey from Dimension Data. Among the top drivers for UCC: enhancing business processes, upgrading flexible employee working conditions, boosting productivity and increasing business agility, findings show. However, for most of these organizations, user input does not play a substantial role in the direction of these plans. That's a mistake, according to Dimension Data. "Employee feedback is critical," says Craig Levieux, Dimension Data's group general manager for converged communications. "In a world where more workers bring their own devices to work, a gap in understanding between decision-makers and employees could come at a very real cost. User uptake is a critical success metric for UCC investments, especially as more UCC applications will be delivered to employees who expect multiple device support and applications that match their requirements." The findings also demonstrate the impact of enterprise social-networking efforts on employee performance. More than 1,320 IT and UCC decision-makers worldwide and 1,390 employees took part in the research, which was conducted by Ovum.


text:
John X. Merriman, in full John Xavier Merriman, (born March 15, 1841, Street, Somerset, Eng.—died Aug. 1, 1926, near Stellenbosch, Union of South Africa), statesman who served as prime minister of the Cape Colony from 1908 to 1910.
In 1849 Merriman moved with his family to Cape Colony. He was educated at the diocesan college, Rondebosch, and at Radley College in England. He returned to the Cape in 1861, engaged in land surveying, and later became a dealer in diamonds and a wine merchant.
Merriman's chief interest, however, was politics. He served as a member of the Cape House of Assembly from 1869 to 1910 and as the commissioner of public works in two Cape ministries (1875–78 and 1881–84). He was an outspoken opponent of confederation in his early career and was also an advocate of Anglo-Boer cooperation. Merriman was a close friend of British financier Cecil Rhodes, who became Prime Minister of the Cape in 1890, and served as treasurer in his cabinet (1890–93). After the abortive Jameson Raid (Dec. 29, 1895) into the Transvaal, which Rhodes had been involved in, Merriman broke with Rhodes and became a vigorous opponent of the mining interests and British imperialism. He joined the ministry of Cape prime minister William Schreiner in 1898, again serving as treasurer. Merriman worked unsuccessfully to avert the South African War (1899–1902) and resigned in 1900 over his government's harsh treatment of Cape rebels.
As a spokesman for the anti-imperialist English-speaking population with pro-Afrikaner sentiments, Merriman became the natural leader of the Cape Colony's South African Party, which was founded in 1903. Becoming prime minister in February 1908, he undertook the twofold mission of restoring the colony's postwar finances and promoting a unitary constitution for a unified South Africa, comprising the Cape Colony, Natal, the Orange Free State, and the Transvaal. He was a member of the delegation that took the Union Bill to London in 1909. Passed over for the premiership in the new Union of South Africa, a disappointed Merriman rejected Louis Botha's offer to join his cabinet. As a private member of the Union Parliament, he supported the governments of Botha and Jan Smuts until he retired in 1924.


text:
defrocker wrote:Does GCI have any rides that have lower height requirements than 46"?
EliHorton wrote:defrocker wrote:Does GCI have any rides that have lower height requirements than 46"?
Although this coaster is now gone, Ozark Wildcat.
VACoasterdude wrote:InvadR is a very smooth coaster and very rewritable.
VACoasterdude wrote:I wonder if the 46"'height requirement is from BGW's insurance company.
There is no explanation, IMO, only poor excuses.
Afterburner wrote:VACoasterdude wrote:InvadR is a very smooth coaster and very rewritable.
Huh. So it is.
Return to Theme Parks, Roller Coasters, & Donkeys!
Users viewing this topic: No registered users and 9 guests
These pages are in no way affiliated with nor endorsed by SeaWorld Parks & Entertainment, Cedar Fair, Legoland, Merlin Entertainment,
Blackstone, Tussaud's Group, Six Flags, Universal Theme Parks, the Walt Disney Company or any other theme park company.
All onride
photos and videos on this website were taken with the permission of the park by
a professional ride photographer.
For yours and others safety, please do not attempt to take photos or videos at parks without proper permission.
You need a sense of humor to view our site,
if you don't have a sense of humor, or are easily offended, please turn back now!
Most of the content on this forum is suitable for all ages. HOWEVER!
There may be some content that would be considered rated "PG-13."
Theme Park Review is NOT recommended for ages under 13 years of age.


text:
Best Konftel 300 Conference Telephone
Nowadays Konftel 300 Conference Telephone is one of the bestsellers in the United Kingdom This product quality is also excellent. Many Reviews has proven that this item has good quality, so most of the buyers are satisfied. You can see it from the customers opinions who have given positive responses. if you are interested in this best buy on sale, you should order soon to avoid of stock, because this item tends to sold out quickly.
Continue reading


text:
Get a free iPad when you buy an HP-507 digital piano
With your new Apple device you'll be able to enjoy all the features of the Piano Partner app: Flash Card (a fun way to develop your listening and reading skills) Content Browser (which gives easy access to the on-board songs and tones) and DigiScore Lite (which displays the on-board songs as digital notation).
You can connect even your iPad and piano wirelessly with Roland's WNA1100-RL Wireless USB Adapter (sold separately), or with a USB cable via the Apple iPad Camera Connection Kit (sold separately) so that DigiScore Lite can show notes as you play them in real time.
Offer now extended to the end of 2012!
Terms and Conditions
- Not available in conjunction with any other offer, including Pay4Later or any other finance.
- Only available to UK/ROI residents from UK/ROI authorised dealers
- Product registration required – Please scan and email a copy of your sales receipt to email@example.com along with the serial number of your Roland HP-507 digital piano
- All finishes of the Roland HP-507 digital piano qualify. (Rosewood, Satin Black, Polished Ebony)
- iPad shipped 10 days after registration
- No cash alternative offered
- Free iPad model is iPad2, 16gb wifi: customers cannot pay extra to upgrade to the new iPad
- This offer cannot be redeemed in conjunction with any other current offer
- Cable to connect iPad to Roland HP-507 digital piano is not included
- In the event of a refund, iPad also needs to be returned


text:
An embrace that can
a lifetime.
An embrace that can
Sign up, get your kit in the mail, bring it to your delivery, and call our courier to pick it up when it's ready. We'll take care of the rest.Free Info Kit Ready to Enroll
Get Answers from a Specialist
Call us at 1-888-932-6568 or schedule a call by providing your contact info and availability preference below.
To help us best serve you, tell us a little bit more about yourself.
A representative will contact you shortly.
An embrace that can
a lifetime.
These days, more new parents are considering cord blood and cord tissue banking because of all the great things that preserving their baby's newborn stem cells has the potential to do.
Current applications for newborn stem cells include treatments for certain cancers and blood, metabolic and immune disorders. Additionally, newborn stem cell preservation has a great potential to benefit the newborn's immediate family members with stem cell samples preserved in their most pristine state.
This is only the beginning. Newborn stem cell research is advancing, and may yield discoveries that could have important benefits for families. CBR's mission is to support the advancement of newborn stem cell research, with the hope that the investment you are making now will be valuable to your family in the future. CBR offers a high quality newborn stem cell preservation system to protect these precious resources for future possible benefits for your family.
We know you must be making a million decisions as you prepare for your newest family member, but we've made those regarding cord blood banking simple.
Hear why parents choose to preserve their baby's newborn stem cells.
Learn why doctors recommend preserving newborn stem cells.
See how CBR families have
used their stem cells.
Sign-up to receive important information and special offers
Sign-up for free information and special offers


text:
Hard work always beat talent, when talent refuse to work hard!
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
网上商店 Martial Arts Online Store
Ultimate Mixed Martial Arts Gym sells TWINS Equipment & fight at a very reasonable price
Top King pro MMA glove(with design) RM 250
Twins boxing glove RM 180-205
Twins Fancy glove RM 250
Double layer mouth guard RM30
7 Feet Leather Muay Thai Heavy Bag
RM 750 (Free shipping in Malaysia & Singapore)And others trainning gear!!!E-mail for more info and photo.
P/S: Paypal and Western Union are accepted, free shipping if you spend above RM1000(local)/oversea spend 500 USD get free shipping.


text:
Asphalt Services in Crafton
Serving Crafton and Allegheny county, PA since 2001
City Foundation Repair Contractors in Crafton
Organize a superb and strong asphalt paving near Crafton, PA with the aid of Pound Concrete specialists. Concrete is really adjustable just as we're in applying it for various projects in our areas, from designing original lounging areas and backyards to balconies, verandas and terraces. Our masters can develop building plans that are not usual or just modify previously dull entrances and porches into comfortable living zones that are good for fun or family time. Our excellent concrete ideas in Quakertown aren't only reasonably estimated but reliable and marvelous to look at too.
If you and your family still think sidewalks ought to be insipid, unexciting, arid and banal, better for you to open your eyes and realize how far your neighbors have moved in constructing comfortable concrete pavers in Pennsylvania, constructed of the highest quality materials obtainable. Our patio and driveway designs are not just modern but robust, dependable and sturdy as well. We can advise some prime forms approved to transform your Crafton, PA epoxy flooring, piscine or backyard ideas into delicately fine areas. We can supervise every kind of concrete designs to the finest of your imagination. Our Crafton epoxy flooring construction go at a lesser value than alternative goods just as brick, tile or stone and however seems as beautiful, if not else.
Attributes and features of concrete in Crafton, PA is that it shall conveniently and easily be forged into any shape and size of your choice. Effortlessly and rapidly it may get every characteristics needed to create different results near your building. With statues, garden pots and other alluring accessories and additions you can enhance the style and layout of your concrete patio. When you get a nice but stable and reliable floors designed with concrete in Crafton, by qualified service providers from Pound Concrete, these admirable combos can conveniently and easily.
Why You Should Consider Contracting Pound Concrete for Your Crafton, PA Driveway Repair Project
When it comes to concrete in Crafton, pattern and coloration are very important. You may even choose a color for your concrete patio that makes a audacious presentation in your home. We have a wide array of tints for concrete pavers and concrete patios designed to blend fully with your unique atmosphere. It could rate a little higher to set colored pavers but the diversity it makes is indeed worth it. Colored elements also last long time if well maintained and preserved.
As experienced and practiced concrete pavers near by Crafton, PA, we as craftsmen comprehend and have figured out all the related prerequisites of working with concrete, along with epoxy flooring. We comprehend every type of job is unique on its own depending on the customer's taste and style. We comprehend each customer's needs in selection of concrete paint, along with the brand of concrete sealer best suited for each task and components for premium asphalt mixture for perfect results. We'll calculate for you an true price of the full project depending on aspects such as the amount of asphalt demanded and other requirements.
Blots of colors along with dyes on concrete patios in Crafton, PA have developed into really trendy in the recent times. Blots of colors along with toners have made it possible for inventive designs for drive and backyards too. We are specialists in this modern manner for both interior and exterior area.
Get in Touch
Nearby services
- Lodi, CA concrete designs
- McComb, MS foundation plate design
- Foundation repair ideas in Brainerd, Minnesota
- Harker Heights, TX epoxy flooring projects
- Phenix City, AL epoxy flooring
- Asphalt concrete mix design in Oshkosh, Wisconsin
- Foundation plate in Oswego, NY
- Asphalt concrete mix design in Palm Beach Gardens, FL
- Concrete projects in Closter, NJ
- Epoxy flooring in Jesup


text:
Indiana Secretary of State Appoints First-Ever Office Chief Information Officer and Names New Director of Business Services
Charlie White taps thirty-year agency veteran to replace outgoing business services director; creates new executive role overseeing future information technology advancements.
INDIANAPOLIS (August 23, 2011) – Indiana Secretary of State Charlie White has announced the addition of two new executive staff members – one a thirty-year veteran of the office and another joining from the private sector. White has promoted Robert Gardner, as Director of Information Technology to replace outgoing Director of Business Services, Liz Keele. Keele, who has run the division since the first term of former Secretary of State Todd Rokita, leaves the office after almost a decade to run U.S. Rep. Rokita's district office. Gardner has led the state agency's IT department for three decades serving the administrations of six Secretaries of State including Ed Simcox, Evan Bayh, Rokita and others.
"While we are sad to see Liz go, we are honored that Bob has decided to extend his 30 years of service to the state of Indiana and the Office of the Secretary of State and stepping up into a higher level of leadership." White said. "Now that over seventy percent of business services transactions are made electronically, it makes sense to provide Hoosier businesses with an IT professional with unparalleled experience."
While announcing the re-alignment of his Business Services Division into a more technologically focused department, White also introduced his new Chief Information Officer Vinnie Rao. Rao will serve as the office's first CIO and Enterprise System Analyst, focusing on forward looking technology strategy to further increase accessibility and efficiency within the agency and to improve service to constituents.
"We recognize that with evolving technology and shrinking budgets, we need to look five, ten even twenty years into the future to make sure we offer Hoosiers the highest level of service in the most cost-effective manner," White said. "Vinnie gives us that ability while also being able to coordinate the many ongoing information projects currently in play."
With the passage of new legislation this year, the office has been charged with creating an online portal that allows businesses a "one stop shop" with a single state web site where applications, filings and transactions with multiple state agencies can be made. The implementation of this as well as that of the premier constituent relations management tool – Internet Quorum – will be among Rao's first projects.
Rao brings seventeen years of information systems management experience as a director, consultant, and engineer. He has worked with start-ups and has a Masters Degree in both Engineering and Information Exchange and Management.
"I look forward to bringing my passion for entrepreneurship to an office that has really elevated the importance of assisting small business," Rao said. "After two decades working in the private sector, I look forward to the chance to serve my fellow Hoosiers."
Bob Gardner began working for then Secretary of State Ed Simcox in 1980, and celebrated his thirtieth anniversary with the office last November. Gardner has seen the IT department grow from supporting fifteen users to just over sixty. He has ushered the office through the introduction of electronic word processing, email, the Internet, and online filing. In recognizing the increased dependence of business services on IT, the two have been merged to even further align the business services division with information services to increase the office's offerings.
"This opportunity to serve as the first Director of Business and Information Services is one that will be a great new challenge," Gardner said. "This is an opportunity to give the people of Indiana the highest level of service and professionalism in this department that touches so many."
Media Contact:
AJ Feeney-Ruiz
Deputy Chief of Staff
Communications Director
Office of Indiana Secretary of State Charles White
Office: 317-233-8655
Cell: 317-730-4778


text:
Last winter, Gabriela, now fourteen, was expecting to attend her friend Sarah's* thirteenth-birthday weekend in New York City. "In front of my whole family, she said that it'd be so fun and we'd have a blast if I came," recalls Gabriela, a high school freshman in Newark, Delaware. But the official invite never arrived, and Gabriela promptly forgot about it—until the Monday in February when a group of her friends returned to school after spending the weekend in the Big Apple. Gabriela was shocked and hurt that she'd been excluded. "What happened? You told me straight up I was coming. This isn't right," she told Sarah. "Sarah said, 'We took a vote. I wanted you to come, but everybody else didn't,'" Gabriela says. "I didn't want to cry in front of her, so I waited until I got home."
While periodically dealing with exclusion is a part of life, to many teens, certain public slights feel overwhelmingly painful. "It's heartbreaking to not feel included," says John Duffy, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist. "It makes you feel like you don't have a place and you don't really know who you are."
When all of your friends have been included except you, it can seem extremely isolating, notes eighteen-year-old Nicole, from Marlboro, New Jersey. "When you hear that a friend is having a party and you realize you weren't invited, it's a slap in the face," she says. "It makes you feel not wanted."
But why does exclusion suddenly feel like a huge issue when you reach middle school and high school—and why does it hurt so much? "When we hit the teen years," Duffy explains, "we define ourselves far more in a social context instead of a family context and look to friends instead of relatives for approval. Our self-worth is derived in large part from how we fit in with our peer group. We think a lot about what other people think of us; our big fear is that they don't."
Olivia, a nineteen-year-old in Alpharetta, Georgia, faced that fear one Friday afternoon this past spring. "I was on Facebook when my news feed updated, and I saw a picture of my good friend Amanda* and everyone I hang out with celebrating Amanda's birthday at a restaurant," the college freshman recalls. "I was in shock. Why didn't she just text me? These are the people I see all the time," she says.
She commented "Why wasn't I invited?" on the photo, and Amanda immediately responded that it was an accident; the birthday dinner had spontaneously come together earlier that day. It was cold comfort to Olivia. "When I saw that on Facebook, I felt like a loser," she says. "By commenting on that party photo, I was announcing to every one of my friends who were tagged: 'I wasn't there, and I want to know why.'"
Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of social media can make these experiences of exclusion immeasurably worse: You can see exactly what your friends are doing at all times, with or without you. "Past generations of teens have experienced this—rejection, feeling like an outsider," says Georgia Michalopoulou, Ph.D., chief of staff of the Child Psychiatry and Psychology division of the Children's Hospital of Michigan. "But it's much more of a problem now. Before, if a friend betrayed your trust, only that one friend knew about it. Now a whole group of people knows." Adds Olivia: "On Facebook, you want everyone to know that you're out and about doing something—you're not home alone updating your Facebook status."
Social self-worth is, for some girls, a public numbers game, Duffy says. "The more people we are approved by, the better we feel about ourselves." So seeing how much fun others are having via your Facebook feed could easily make you think that you're left out of everything—even things you don't necessarily care about.
But it's definitely worse if you're close friends with the person who excluded you, says Katie, a fourteen-year-old high school freshman. After a big eighth-grade dance last year, the Louisville, Kentucky, native went home and immediately logged on to Facebook. "I saw tons of pictures of my friends getting ready for the dance together," she says. "They had a little predance party and didn't tell me. It was so upsetting because I was good friends with [the host], and I saw people there who don't really talk to her. It's like, OK, she's not going to invite me, but she'll invite people she doesn't really know? It made me feel really bad, like there was something wrong with me."
Olivia admits to experiencing a similar sense of paranoia: "I worried at the beginning that I'd been excluded on purpose," she says. "I thought, Was this planned? Did I do something? I even went back and checked my text messages to see what we'd talked about in the last week."
The best way to deal with feeling left out, say Duffy and Michalopoulou, is to try to modify your reaction to exclusion—since many teens experience it so often and it's impossible to be invited to everything. That's what helped Nicole. "At first I felt like, Oh, poor me, my life sucks," she says. "But then I heard stories from different friends about not being invited somewhere, and I thought, OK, these things just happen. As upset as I was, I know in a few years it won't mean anything to me. And for now I'll hang out with my other friends who care about me and wouldn't exclude me."
Another way to protect yourself from serious postexclusion hurt: Focus on the quality of your friendships. For one thing, having hundreds of Facebook friends or tons of real-life acquaintances isn't as fulfilling as fostering close friendships with people you can trust, Duffy says. "You can be hanging out with 50 people on a Friday night, online or otherwise, and feel lonely," he says, "or be with two and feel great." Michalopoulou adds that it's good to have friends in different groups too: "Develop friendships that aren't just based on status," she suggests. Instead, "form relationships with other kids who have similar interests and hobbies."
And if it's your BFF who excluded you, like in Katie's story? Talk it out with an adult you trust, and if your relationship with your friend has been good so far, ask her—offline—why she excluded you, Michalopoulou says. "Address it face-to-face, not over the Internet." Gabriela says that in her situation, Sarah, who had the New York birthday weekend, apologized to her a few different times after everything happened. Though Gabriela was hesitant to trust her again, she eventually believed Sarah's feelings of remorse were honest. "I forgave her and the other girls, and I felt like the bigger person," she says.
While being left out can be devastating, girls say there's often an upside—the experience makes you more compassionate toward and understanding of others. Olivia doesn't post her whereabouts on Facebook if she's going somewhere that's not an open invite; Gabriela says that she's now much more inclusive. "There are times when there's that one person you don't want to invite—but I still do," she says.
It's also worth remembering that your social circle shouldn't dictate how you feel about yourself. "Don't internalize negative comments. Try to make your own decisions about things," says Michalopoulou. "It's important to remember that you can't change how people behave, but you can change the way you deal with these situations."
Exclusion can surely lay bare the cracks in your friendship—but it can also make it clear who your true allies are. Being left out, Nicole says, "made me realize that the girls who've excluded me aren't my good friends. It's kind of like a blessing in disguise. It helps you let go of people who aren't healthy for you."
*Name has been changed.


text:
Member? Sign in. Not a member? Register for free.
This app was removed from the App Store.
Tried-and-Tested Warsaw Lite
iOS iPhone Travel
Would you like to visit Warsaw?
You don't know what you can expect there?
In this application you could read about a couple of places that are worth to visit. You will find one item in each category. It might be enough for you if you are planning to spend in Warsaw just a while.
Those places were 'tried-and-tested' by ourselves (we live here), so you can go to any of them and just relax and enjoy your time without worry about quality of services!
But there is more…
What would you say on:
- Intuitive iPad like navigation,
- Fancy, easy to use favorites view,
- Nice, real pictures of all visited places,
- Important information about payments, opening hours, family friendly place,
- Thumbnails - like nearby view with full filtering,
- An off line map of given city,
- Facebook, Foursquare check-in,
- Social share functionality,
- Always up to date with live synchronization once on WiFi,
- No ads!
Did you say yes?! Great!
Please try our app and give us a feedback by mail: firstname.lastname@example.com, about what we should improve in the next versions. All for your convenience and pleasure time in Warsaw! See you there!
Important note:
Lite version display just one place from each category. To get more, 100+, please download FULL version.
Apart of English and Polish translations we provided some Russian, German, Slovak, Italian, Spanish texts as well, but please be informed that some of them are still in the translation process. Don't worry, you won't need to do anything to get them into application. They will show up automatically once translated.
Until that time, for those who are missing you will see an English equivalent.
It is recommended to use WiFi at first launch of the application due to large content that is required to download.


text:
Next Meetup
What we're about
Adobe Multi Media UserGroup(MMUG), Dublin
MMUG Dublin is a group for Designers and Developers interested in learning more about and sharing their experiences using Adobe and related software products for the web and devices.
Meetings over the last two and a half years have covered topics such as; Animation, Photography, User Interface design, 3D, programming, iPhone development, Web content management and Flash Platform design and development. MMUG Dublin has hosted and assisted with official Adobe events in this time including visits from Adobe technology evangelists. We also arrange social trips to locations like the Wicklow mountains and have visited Amsterdam and other European venues and the US to attend Technology events.
If you are interested in learning more about topics such as; Actionscript, Flash, Photoshop, Flex, Coldfusion, PHP, Java, .NET, XML, Mobile Application Development, then sign up for free to find out about our next meetup.


text:
Due to Gazco internet pricing policy we are unable to display prices for these products please feel free to call or email us for prices we are an official dealer trading 35 years
Gazco stoves are the specialist gas stove manufacturer. Nothing creates an inviting atmosphere quite like a Gazco stove. The centrepiece of any home, a Gazco stove adds warmth and character to a room or living space. Whether you want to achieve an up-to-the-minute, contemporary look, or have your heart set on a more traditionally-designed stove, Gazco stoves will have a model you will love whatever your style or budget.Gazco is a sister company of Stovax, which was established in 1981 and together they have expanded continuously to become, one of the leading forces in the British and European stove and fireplace market. Gazco are manufacturers of gas and electric stoves, fires and fireplaces. The range of Gazco stoves we display on our website includes both classic traditional gas stoves and contemporary designer stoves.Gazco stoves are continuously investing in research, innovative design and product development which has created what is probably one of the largest ranges of electric and gas stoves available. The Gazco stoves range includes:


text:
Sears/Kmart by SAGG
[November 20, 2018, 06:47:00 am]
What comics have you been reading? by rusty
[November 19, 2018, 12:09:14 am]
What have you done today? by Archiecomicxfan215
[November 18, 2018, 06:23:49 pm]
Riverdale Reviewed by Tuxedo Mark
[November 18, 2018, 06:21:45 pm]
New Sabrina comic book miniseries (non-horror) by DeCarlo Rules
[November 16, 2018, 01:28:13 am]
What are you currently watching? by BettyReggie
[November 14, 2018, 03:39:33 pm]
Days we look foward to as Archie Fans. by BettyReggie
[November 14, 2018, 03:37:27 pm]
Library Books That You All Read by BettyReggie
[November 14, 2018, 03:33:32 pm]
Stan Lee has died by DeCarlo Rules
[November 13, 2018, 11:34:58 am]
Features by Oldiesmann
[November 10, 2018, 10:21:28 pm]
Media Bookmarks
This area shows you all the media items marked as favorites by this member.
This member has no items bookmarked.
The Archie character names and likenesses are covered by the registered trademarks/copyrights of Archie Comic Publications, Inc. and are used with permission by this site. The Official Archie Comics website can be visited at www.archiecomics.com.


text:
Setting up your own web-server has never been easier or cheaper. It used to be that even a bottom tier Linux server included expensive setup costs, high monthly fees, poor performance, and little to no scalabilty. However, cloud computing has truly changed this.
With this project, I am hoping to help those who want to take the leap from just making websites to hosting them. Here are some reasons you might want to do this:
Far more control over the settings and tweaks. Whenever reading instructions on something you are installing, you may read "for those with root access…" Well, now that's you! You can make all the changes and tweaks you desire.
Nearly infinite domain hosting with email addresses and databases. Okay, there are limits to the server, but for most small sites the load is so small that it won't reach the limits of the server, and if the load does get that high, it takes only a few minutes to increase the size of the server.
Your site can handle spikes in traffic. If a popular aggregator, blogger or news site links into your site, you can easily increase the size of the server to handle load, and then decrease the size when the traffic slows down again, and all for minimal increase in your monthly cost (assuming you're not serving videos or other large files).
A dedicated IP address. Most shared hosting plans charge extra for an IP address.
Real SSL, without any scary warnings. With the dedicated IP address, you can now serve up real, authenticated SSL/TLS encrypted websites to your visitors sans obnoxious warnings.
Secure web browsing while away from home. You can easily use your Linux server as a SOCKS proxy through an SSH session, completely locking out any prying eyes that might be snooping around the coffee shop network.
Something to always tinker with and improve. Like any good hobby, server administration is something that you will forever tinker with, improve, and learn. With a smartphone you can manage your server from any location, so if you find yourself standing around bored some place, just pull out your phone and go to work on your hobby.
Of course, there are some downsides:
You're now taking your destiny into your own hands, and security risks are very real. It's possible your server could get hacked and ruined, forcing you to start over from scratch. You might make a mistake that destroys your server and then discover that your backup method had a fatal flaw, forcing you to start from scratch.
There is a lot to learn, and it often seems like the errors in the logs will never stop coming and all too often are self-generated. I once spent 6 hours tracking down a problem that was caused by a missing semi-colon.
You are heavily dependent on the kindness of strangers. Although Rackspace provides great support for the servers, for everything else you're going to be scouring forums, digging deeper into Google searches than you ever have before, and you'll discover StackExchange (that's good and bad). You'll be posting many places, praying someone there can help you to solve your problem so you can bring your server to the next level.
So if none of that turned you away, then I invite you to visit my project page, which is now located at UNPM.org.