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Technical Problem With This Chapter?
Author: Majick
Story: Sleeping Bonesy
Part: 1: What's in a Name?
Rating: Teens
Setting: AU
Status: Completed
Reviews: 7
Words: 7,768
Updated: June 11, 2006, 1:01pm
1: What's in a Name?
Actually, now I come to think of it, it's only about two hundred miles away from me. But far, far away for some of you who're reading this, I suppose.
And when I say a long time ago, some of it happened a week ago last Thursday, and some of it happens sixteen years in the future, so not that long ago at all, really.
But narrative convention demands certain formalities, so: A long time ago, in a land far, far away...
"The castle was all a-wonder
You know, I don't think that's really suitable for this kind of story...
In the beautiful land of England, you can find many castles suitable for the setting of a fairytale such as the one I'm about to share with you, which is fortunate because it keeps me in business. The castle we're visiting today is known as Bones Park, for it is set in the most wonderful acreage of parkland to be found in the whole of the land. Such plants as are never seen elsewhere in the nation thrive here, and several dozen gardeners are employed all the year around just to keep the grounds tended and trimmed, for it would take only a little encouragement, a very little time indeed, for the plants to overrun the parks and cover the castle in thick creepers that even a heroic knight in shining armour would struggle to cut through.
Fortunately, the gardeners are exceptionally good at their job, and today are working that little bit harder than normal, because today is the day of days, the big one, the grand event for which the whole of the land has been holding their breath.
For today is Princess Susan's christening, and the beautiful little baby will be cheered from one end of the land to the other as a shining ray of light, a symbol of the prosperous future to be enjoyed by the nation she will one day rule as Queen.
Of course, right now she's a screaming, squawling, mess-making infant who'd rather pee on her subjects than wave regally, but she's a baby. Give her time. By the time she's sixteen or so, she'll be true royalty and then...
Well, okay, she'll likely be a screaming, squawling, mess-making brat who'd rather pee on her subjects than wave regally, but royalty is as royalty does, right?
The christening of the Princes and Princesses of the Bones lineage has always been a grand affair, attracting the finest and richest, the bravest and prettiest, the smartest and funniest, the most loyal and the truly deserving. In this it was akin to all royal christenings, although there was one grand exception which made Bones christenings the talk of society for months before and months after. Long ago, so long ago as to be lost to the mists of time, it was a Bones who helped the very first fairy godmother with her very first assignment. As a reward, that godmother made her helper a King, and promised that there would be godmothers at the christening of every Bones there would ever be.
And so there was, and so there is, and so there will be.
For tomorrow Susan Bones will be christened, and the twelve godmothers - despite strenuous campaigning on the part of godmother Ron, the company prefers to retain the traditional title - of One Wish, Inc., godmothers to all, will come to Bones Park and bestow twelve gifts upon the already beloved infant.
In fact, I believe we can go to our ace reporter on the scene, Rita Skeeter.
"Welcome one and all to Bones Park, where tomorrow will see the christening of baby Susan. We're here to witness one of the wonders of the modern age, the granting of gifts by the godmothers of One Wish, that renowned godmothering service, who as recently as six months ago fixed up the marriage of Harry and Ginny Potter. From one success to another, then, as now it's time for the traditional One Wish involvement in the christening of the latest Bones child, Princess Susan.
"As we all know, Princess Susan is a child like no other. Not yet three months old, she is already showing signs of recognising colours, shapes and forms, which is highly advanced in one so young. WWN news is sure that such a promising child will play a big part in the continuing prosperity of the country when it comes time for her to become our Queen. Gods bless their majesties on this most marvellous of days."
Indeed. And it may take all the gods in creation to sort out the mess that the King and Queen of Bones Park have landed themselves in. For twelve invitations have been sent to One Wish, but, as we all know, there are thirteen individuals employed at the world's most prestigious godmothering firm. Thirteen individuals, twelve invitations. You see the problem.
"Darling," Queen Bones cooed.
"Darling?" the King replied, looking up from his book.
The King, safe as he was behind a door heavily reinforced with Imperturbable charms, cringed.
"Don't you 'Darling' me!"
"Even worse!"
"But you-"
"I should never have bothered giving you anything to do for this christening!"
"I did-"
"I should have known you'd mess it up!"
"Now hang-"
"Mother said you weren't made of the right stuff!"
The King stood up to his full height, momentarily forgetting that he was in the toilet and his trousers were around his ankles. Fortunately, the thick door prevented anyone from receiving an unwanted eyeful of the royal prerogative.
Well, other than your narrator, who gets paid hazardous duty pay for this sort of assignment which helps cover the cost of the therapy afterwards.
The King glared at the door.
"Woman!" he roared. "Don't bring your ruddy mother into-"
"Don't you say anything about my mummy!"
The King slumped in defeat. One should never come between a woman and her mother or, in this case, mummy.
"Darling," he said, eventually. "The invitations were sent as per your instructions. Twelve invitations for twelve godmothers."
"And the head godmother?"
"What head godmother?"
"Head godmother Draco, the man in charge of One Wish, Inc."
"The new guy. Blonde hair, slim, looks good in a gown. Did you turn the sheet of paper over? I specifically remember putting him on the back side, because it seemed awfully like patting him on the backside."
There was a blissful sigh from the far side of the door. The King eyed the door suspiciously.
"My dear, don't tell me that you've fallen for this Rocky Horror reject."
"He has lovely calves."
"I happen to be your husband."
"You had lovely calves once."
The King looked down at his bare legs, which had bulked up somewhat after fifteen years of living in a castle with lifts to every floor and a two-Michelin-star chef in the kitchen.
"And if you didn't check the backside of the paper, then you haven't invited the King and Queen of Luxembourg, the Count and Contessa of Greece, the King of Spain, Prince Bertram of Monaco or--"
"Oh, tarnation. I shall send more invitations, with extra gold around the edges. They'll go clang when it's put on the table, okay?"
"Now, may I get back to what I was doing?"
"Of course, dear. Glad we could clear that little mess up."
The extra invitations were sent immediately after the King was finished in the toilet. Godmother Draco's invitation was so heavy with gold edging that it needed two of the strongest post owls in the country to carry it.
The King went on to the kitchen to supervise the preparation of canap�s for the feast afterwards. The owls soared high over the sky, where they were too plump and tempting a target for a thestral that swallowed them with one invisible gulp, before spitting out the invitation, which was in turn swept up by a squadron of magpies that quickly and methodically shredded the gilt-edged paper and used it to line their nests.
On such acts of nature does the fate of a nation turn.
Actually, the fates of nations usually turn on large wars in which ninety percent of the young men are slaughtered horribly.
But, occasionally, in fairy tales where death is too graphic a concept for the small children - who generally don't mind the idea of death, so long as those who die deserve to do so - there is scope for the fate of a nation turning on the reliability of its postal service.
This, for those of you who may have wondered, is why fairy tales are always set 'once upon a time in a land far, far away'. Imagine the world we'd have if children grew up believing that the fate of their country rested on the shoulders of their postman.
But I digress.
(Besides, everyone knows that it's the tobacco lobby that runs the country...)
And so the sun dawned on the day of the christening, golden rays of light kissing the flaxen curls of young Princess Susan as she slumbered in her crib, preparing herself for the great majority of her life still to come.
And soon the trumpeters trumpeted, the drummers drummed, and the cornet players played their cornets, aware that as a name, corneters was a strangely unpopular noun which none but they saw fit to use for their brotherhood of small horn blowers. That no two groups of instruments could agree on which tune to play only added to the general cacophony, for the day was here at last, the day of the christening, the day of the dozen-and-one gifts to the precious princess.
Not a person in the castle was anything but overawed by the prospect of the day ahead. The Queen herself was struck temporarily speechless when Princess Susan's nanny cast a clever Silencing Charm upon her, for the young Princess had recently begun to teethe and did not need her sleep disturbed, when she managed to sleep at all.
And so the castle chapel was filled with guests, who alternated between anticipatory silence, and excited giggles as though they were six years old and awaiting the arrival of Father Christmas-
-who, by the way, is a cheerful old boy of Hufflepuff house, eager to see that everyone gets at least one half-decent present on Christmas morning-
-while they bounced up and down to try and see over the head of the person in front, because at any second...
"My Lords and Ladies, Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and Gentlemen... Please be upstanding for the King and Queen of Bones Park."
Those who weren't standing rose. Those who were standing contrived to stand at attention. Those who were already at attention fell over in the excitement, leading to a momentary pause in proceedings as ushers hurried forward and ush'd them back upright.
And then, in their finest finery and greatest goodery, King and Queen Bones began their walk down the chapel aisle. They were - reports vary - around five steps from the font before anyone had the courage to point that Princess Susan was still in her pram at the top of the aisle. Still, such moments are to be expected on such an exciting day.
Eventually, everyone was in place, and upright, and Princess Susan looked quite the little angel in her white christening robes, although Queen Susan would have had much to say about the way in which her daughter's name was printed in black across her shoulders in an early attempt by her father to get her interested in Quidditch, had it not been for the Silencing Charm that was still in effect.
"Dearly beloved," the minister began, as Princess Susan's nanny held the infant before him. "We are gathered here today to join this woman and this, er, baby..."
There was a short period of confusion as the Minister was lead away by a kindly person, a substitute was found, and the Book of Services was turned to the correct page.
"Wuv, twue wuv," the new Minister announced. Several people groaned, recognising the Minister from a marriage in Florin that had led to some unusual events.
"Pwincess Susan is the pwoduct of twue wuv," the Minister announced, as the King and Queen avoided one another's eyes. "And this twue wuv has brought us here today. Pwincess Susan, please come to the font."
The nanny brought the infant forward, followed by the King and Queen and Princess Susan's godparents.
"Pwincess Susan Amelia Jacinta Theodowa Samantha Thomasina Thumbelina Daphne Stacy Beatwix Bellatwix Sidney Clawissa Jennifer Sabwina Susan Stephanie Awiel Belle Jean Gwizelda Awabella Angelina Alicia Katie Bones," he took a deep breath. "The Fourth."
"Excuse me," the King interrupted, as the silenced Queen tugged insistently on his sleeve.
"It's actually Susan Amelia Jacinta Theodora Samantha Thomasina Thumbelina Daphne Stacy Beatrix Bellatrix Sidney Clarissa Jennifer Sabrina Susan Stephanie Ariel Belle Jean Grizelda Arabella Angelina Alicia Katie Sophia Bones the Fourth."
"Oh. I do apologise. Pwincess Susan Amelia Jacinta Theodowa Samantha Thomasina Thumbelina Daphne Stacy Beatwix Bellatwix Sidney Clawissa Jennifer Sabwina Susan Stephanie Awiel Belle Jean Gwizelda Awabella Angelina Alicia Katie Sophie Bones the Fourth."
"No, sorry, it's Sophia, not Sophie."
"I do beg your pardon. Pwincess Neil Colin Jacob Peter Alex Thomas Samuel Hawwy Won Aloysius Thiewwy Jermain Wio Joseph Andwew Charles Percy Fwedewick George William Arthur David Anthony Twevor Neville Gordon Seamus Matthew Jason Simon Luke Bones the Second-"
"Now look here," the King interrupted again, after being paralysed momentarily in amazement.
But perhaps it is best if we leave the ceremony, for the Bones christenings are invariably long-winded, primarily designed to heighten anticipation of the magnificent feast that awaits the guests upon the ceremony's completion.
And what a feast! One need only mention the possibility of tea at the Bones' castle to see the nobility of Great Britain nearly drown in their own drool -- and that is on a normal day. It is said that an entire herd of oxen are maintained on the estate at all times, purely so that the King will have something to eat should he awaken in the small hours one night-time.
The reason for all this splendour is Molly Snape, mother of the recently married Princess Ginevra, mother-in-law of the Boy-Who-Lived-So-Many-Times-We-All-Got-A-Bit-Bored, and chef par excellence. Chef Molly, as her friends know her, is capable of doing things to a leg of meat that would make the animal glad to have sacrificed itself to the cause.
And if you're a vegetarian, just ask about the Caesar Salad. Trust me-- I'm a converted carnivore.
Still, Molly barely stretches herself nowadays. Years of looking after her horde of unruly, always-hungry children has given her the ability to whip up banquets in minutes, and a mere feast is child's play.
A Bones christening, however, is guaranteed to bring out the best in Molly.
Well, almost.
"Ronald Weasley! Get out of here right now or so help me you'll feel the flat of my wooden spoon!"
"But, but..."
"Family you may have turned out to be, my boy, but only a vanishingly distant cousin -- and even my own daughter wouldn't get away with trying to lick the icing bowl before I'd finished the cake."
"Look, I did help your daughter find her one true love, you know."
"Yes, I know," Molly replied, squaring up to a man a foot taller and forty years younger than her. "And I did the catering for the wedding, remember?"
"Oh, yeah," Ron sighed happily.
"So, I think you've been more than adequately compensated for your actions -- especially as you were just doing your job."
"But I had to wear a dress! I couldn't really enjoy the food, not with everyone laughing at me."
"And what you're wearing now is any better?"
Ron glanced down at his scarlet jumpsuit, which went about as well with his ginger hair as you might expect.
"At least it's got legs," he muttered. "I don't have to worry about draughts."
"And the sequins do set off your eyes," Molly grinned. "And flares are in this season, I believe. And the medallion, well, the medallion is very macho."
Ron morosely fingered the shining golden disk that hung from his neck. It was as big as a dinner plate, with a number 1 superimposed on a capital W, the whole picked out in red rubies against the gold background. Sighing, he tucked it back into the jumpsuit where, un-noticed, it immediately began to work its way back up to the collar.
"It's the new uniform," he said. "All One Wish operatives have to wear it, unless we qualify for something individual."
"Didn't you qualify when Ginny and Harry were married?"
"Well, yes, but..."
"Oh, I remember. There was that nasty business with the cucumber, wasn't there?"
Ron scowled.
"Never mind, dear. I'll tell you what, once I've finished making the casserole, you can have the leftover stock to drink."
"Really?" Ron asked, perking up.
"Absolutely. You are family, after all."
"Wow. Thanks!"
Elsewhere in the kitchens, the tables were groaning under the weight of a thousand different dishes. Soups lay with trifles, steaks with prawns, waffles with the other sort of waffles and bananas with custard.
Any dish that anyone could possibly have desired was set out, steaming or glistening or crackling in its perfection. Two hundred maids, butlers, footmen, underfootmen and dead-man's-handmen stood ready to take orders from the regiment of house elves who were keeping a close eye on the food.
Suddenly, there was a crack and everyone in the kitchen turned as one to greet the Apparition of the King's private secretary.
"Still going," he said, as everyone in the kitchen relaxed. "The priest's having a bit of a difficulty with the name."
"...Gwizelda Awabella Angelina Alicia Katie Sophia Bones the Fourth."
There was a spontaneous round of applause as the minister finally got the name right, on the seventeenth try.
"Pwincess, you are here to be baptised in the sight of God and man. Who here will stand by the Pwincess' side?"
"I will."
The hall took a collective breath as the Princess' godfather stepped forward.
"You will?"
"Is it that unbelievable?"
The entire hall regarded the godfather carefully. Tall, muscular, broad-shouldered and possessed of the most astonishingly white hair all along his flanks, the centaur appeared to be perfectly unconcerned at the surprise he had generated.
"Not at all," the minister said, eying the centaur's broad muscles carefully. It required the minister to turn his head--the centaur was rather too well built for him to see all of his muscles at one. "May I take your name?"
The King and Queen took a step back.
"Dobbin," the centaur said, icily.
"Dobbin," the minister replied.
"Very well, then. Dobbin, will you agree to pwotect Pwincess Susan from all evil, defend her against those who would do her harm and pwomise to seek out a weplacement cook should Molly Snape ever decide to hang up her apwon?"
Dobbin hung his head for a moment and muttered something about potato vodka that can sadly not be transcribed in full.
The rest of the ceremony largely passed without incident, bar the Queen recovering from the Silencing Charm and letting out a long, hissing, list of threats against the nanny before the King turned and Silenced her again.
At last, the Princess was handed back to her father, whose smile became a frozen rictus as he realised that his daughter was in dire need of a change of nappy.
"Ah, er," he began, and looked around for the nanny, but she was involved in a furious exchange of sign language with the Queen, who was displaying an impressive grasp of expressive gestures, although not many that would have been likely to have been found in any book of International Sign Language.
The King turned to his daughter's godfather.
"Protect her from evil and defend her from harm, this I am bound to do," the centaur said. "But, your majesty, I am afraid that my duties do not extend so far."
"Tarnation," King Bones said, as baby Susan began to grizzle. "Well, once more into the breach, and all that..."
"Sire!" A flunky appeared at King Bones elbow.
"A most urgent situation has arisen, milord."
"It has? What?"
"The Queen's mother has caught fire, milord."
"Excellent, I- What?"
"Your mother-in-law, sire. She is running around the Long Gallery, screaming loudly, after her wig came into contact with the chandelier."
"Her-? The-? But the chandelier is seventy-five feet up in the air."
"Yes sire. It is a very big wig. That is why I came on foot-- she still had about sixty feet left before she herself was in any danger."
"I see. Still, critical business. No point in hanging around, then. The woman might come to serious harm."
"Yes, sire."
"Very well, then. If you'll just take the Princess, then..."
"No, sire. Royal prerogative, sire. A commoner cannot touch any Royal personage, sire," the flunkey replied, with a relieved look on his face.
"This is treason!"
"No, sir," the flunkey replied, with the manic smile of one desperate to avoid changing a smelly baby. "Treason would be if I called you an ugly, fat, resource-draining warthog with all the social skills and charm of a pus-covered louse found oozing its way into your ear, sire."
King and flunkey looked at each other. Baby Susan began to howl, her pudgy little face contorted into that special, pink, grimace known only to those with a very wet bottom and no means of changing the situation.
"I see," the King said.
"What I am doing is re-enforcing long-established cultural traditions, sire."
"And, I note, avoiding changing my daughter's nappy, too."
"Happily, the two do coincide, sire."
"Very well. You win this round, flunkey. But be warned -- by the end of the day, I shall have drafted an amendment to culture regarding the changing of smelly babies."
"What would you like to change them into, sire?" the flunky asked, smiling at his own joke.
"Funny servants."
The flunky appeared wounded. "I shall go and inform the Long Gallery of your imminent arrival, sire."
"Good. Make sure there are peanuts. And popcorn. Might as well enjoy myself for a bit before putting the old bat out."
"At your command."
"Dobbin," the King said, turning. "I go to face danger. In such a case, I think you must care for my daughter."
Dobbin regarded him implacably, one hoof casually scraping across the ancient chapel flagstones, leaving a visible scar in the centuries-old rock.
"I see. And that's all you have to say on the matter?"
Dobbin nodded.
"Very well. Dear?"
The Queen turned.
"Susan is stinky."
The Queen grimaced.
"And your mother's hair is on fire."
The Queen clapped her hands to her face in horror and dashed from the hall.
"Well, I guess that leaves you free," the King said to the nanny. "And, er, do you change nappies?"
"Frequently, sire," the nanny replied.
"Wonderful. I shall leave you to it, then."
The nanny took the Princess and tapped her with her wand.
"Is that all there is to it?" the King asked.
"Of course. What else would there be?"
"Silly King," the nanny replied, patting him affectionately on the head. As she had been his nanny, many years before, she was allowed to get away with this.
"Yes, nanny."
"Now then, shall we go and have something to eat?" the nanny inquired.
"But the Queen's mother, she-"
"Yes?" the nanny asked, in a certain tone of voice.
"Tarnation, Nanny, the old bat's hair is on fire and I'm missing all the fun."
"Wencelas," the nanny said, patiently. "What have I told you about other people's misery?"
"That it's not there for my amusement," the King replied, sulkily.
"And didn't you feel good about yourself on the feast of Stephen?"
"Yes, Nanny."
"So, what are you going to do now?"
"Send some servants to put the Queen's mother's hair out, and take my daughter up to her christening feast."
"There's a good King. You may have two helpings of dessert for being so good."
"Two? I-"
"Yes?" the nanny asked, a certain something in her voice that suggested that certain kings might be getting their bottom smacked, if they weren't careful.
The King sighed. He was aware that, in theory, it was his kingdom and he could do what he jolly well liked. However, both the nanny and Molly Weasley had seen to it that there were certain lines that he didn't cross.
"Yes, Nanny," he replied. He watched as the nanny turned away to arrange the princess in her pram. With a wave of his hand, he summoned a flunky, who I shall refer to as Flunky Two in order to avoid any confusion with the cheeky flunkey whom we met earlier.
"Yes, Sire?"
"Take some men to the Long Gallery and put out the fire in my mother-in-law's hair."
"Yes, Sire."
Flunky Two turned in mid-stride, an impressive feat of bodily control that nonetheless required a visit to the royal chiropractor shortly afterwards.
"Yes, Sire?"
"Er, go and get my camera, will you? Make sure you get a full record."
"Yes, Sire."
"If she should happen to burn for a few minutes while you get the hoses and everything sorted..."
"By your command, Sire."
Flunky Two limped off at speed.
"Now then," the nanny said, turning away and smiling at the King. "Are we ready for the feast?"
"Certainly," the King smiled.
"Then lead on, your Majesty. Chef Molly's finest awaits."
The King paused momentarily, lost in a reverie of pork crackling, before pulling himself together and, pushing the Princess' pram before him, lead the congregation in a long, winding parade to the feast, a parade only momentarily delayed by the King's discovery that a pram is not the easiest thing to get up a flight of stairs.
At last, they arrived at the feast, and took their places. The King glared pointedly at a flunky until he shepherded the nanny away from the head table. The King knew that she would watch what he ate, and that he would probably be on the receiving end of a Significant Glare the following day, but it was almost treason to eat at the royal table and not have more than two helpings of Chef Molly's desserts.
And then, oh, and then... When all the guests were seated, and Princess Susan was sucking greedily on a bottle, and the attention of the room began to turn inexorably onto the one empty table, with thirteen seats, that sat in the middle of the room...
Then there came a loud knock on the door.
"Who knocks without?" the King asked, standing and speaking loudly.
"I, Seamus Finnigan, Senior Godfather."
"May the doors be unbarred and the child be blessed," the King replied, for pomp and circumstance were necessary for such a momentous moment.
Random flunkies - including Flunky Two - dashed forward and began the long and arduous task of unbarring the main door to the castle's dining hall. After several minutes - during which the King abandoned ceremony and popped a chicken nugget into his mouth - the doors creaked open.
Before there was space for him to have done so, Seamus Finnigan sauntered into the room. His sandy brown hair was immaculate, his black suit flawless, his tie a slash of green on his broad chest.
Half the women in the room swooned.
"King Wencelas Bones, on behalf of One Wish, Inc. I am here to offer you our traditional baptismal gift to your child, the Princess Susan."
The King swallowed hastily, suddenly remembering that he had another line.
"Our history is a proud one, Godfather, and I am grateful to be a link in the chain. As I was, so shall my daughter be. Pray, enter, and dine with me."
Seamus bowed. Turning as he rose, he looked back out through the doorway.
"All right now, you know the drill," he called, and the background hum of the crowd increased in pitch. It was rare to see a One Wish operative at all. The Bones christenings were the only times that they would all gather in public.
First through the doors was a scruffy looking wizard in a lumpy, misshapen set of robes that bulged in all manner of places. He shuffled up to Seamus and stood at what, for him, probably counted as attention.
"'M Mundungus Fletcher," he muttered, just loud enough to be heard. "I specialise in magical artifacts."
The crowd nodded. Godmother Fletcher would certainly bequeath Princess Susan with a powerful amulet or weapon.
Next through the doorway - and half the men in the room swooned - was a radiant, slim, blonde beauty with waist-length hair and an iridescent white gown. She beamed at the crowd, all of whom promptly fell head over heels in love with her.
"Je m'apelle Fleur Delacour," she trilled. "Ma sp�cialit� est des charmes."
The crowd sighed in unison. Clearly Godmother Delacour would be the one to cast the beauty charms gifted to all Bones princesses.
A tall, middle-aged man was next into the room. Scarred about the face, there was nevertheless something instinctively trustworthy about him - and no-one wearing as much tweed as this man could possibly be a threat.
"My name," he declared, standing beside Fletcher, "is Remus Lupin. My specialty is Defence Against the Dark Arts."
A few people exchanged glances at this. This would be the man to gift Princess Susan with the reflexes and quick wits necessary in battle.
A young couple were next through the doors. The woman wore a smart blue skirt and jacket, and her bushy brown hair was tied back loosely. Those men who hadn't swooned over Fleur were on the verge of doing so over the new arrival, but one glance from her partner stopped them. Tall, with flaming red hair, he was ill-suited to his scarlet jumpsuit, but not one person in the room would have laughed at him.
Introductions were unnecessary - everyone in the land knew Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. They were the love specialists - their spells would make certain that Princess Susan found her true love, if she so wished, with the minimum of fuss.
"Bloody ow!" a loud voice carried through the doorway before the next pairing.
"Well stop pulling, then," the second voice said.
"Bloody chewing gum, for Merlin's sake. Do you know how hard that stuff is to get out?"
"Serves your right for having hair that long. You know what mum says-"
"Yes, thank you, Charles. Keep your trap shut, all right? I don't want any reports getting back to Malfoy about us being unprofessional."
It had been remarked in the past how well the antechamber outside the dining hall could amplify the voices of those speaking within it, but would anyone dare to tell the two new arrivals that?
Fully six foot tall each, bulging with muscles in an almost abnormal manner, one of them deeply tanned, the other so freckled that he was nearly as brown... The two redheads strode obliviously into the hall, still bickering over exactly how some of the chewing gum in the mouth of the short-haired man had found its way into the ponytail of the long-haired man. Both men wore the standard issue red jumpsuit, but both had torn the arms off to show off their impressive muscles. The shorthaired man had a long burn running across one of his arms. The longhaired man had a large tattoo of a veela woman, giggling and flirting on his bicep.
They stopped, and looked around them.
"What?" the shorthaired one asked, of the room at large.
"Er, Charlie?"
"Ahem... We are Charlie and Bill Snape," Bill announced. "You may know us as... The Adventurers!"
There were a significant number of aahs and a few scattered oohs from the crowd. While Godfather Finnigan had his adherents, and Ron and Hermione were justly famous for their pairing of Prince Harry and Princess Ginny, the Adventurers were far and away the most famous of the Godmothers, taking huge risks to grant wishes, often at the last possible second for those in imminent danger of dying messily, quickly, or in the stomach of a large animal.
Such risks required brave men, men with nerves of steel, men who'd grown up talking back to their stepfather, the Potions professor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, for example.
Men such as these would teach Princess Susan all there was to know about adventure and adrenaline.
And, when she was older, possibly about whiskey.
(Contrary to rumours, there is no such thing as a bad whiskey. There are only good whiskeys and better whiskeys. It all depends on how many Galleons you have and, more to the point, how many Galleons you can afford to be overcharged when you're roaring drunk and the barman is still sober.)
There was a blare of trumpets, surprising the trumpeters, and there swept into the dining hall a vision in lilac, all blonde hair and toothy smile. Very nearly an older Fleur, the image was only spoilt by the fact that the man was, well, male. Those women who hadn't swooned over Seamus now proceeded to swoon. Those who had swooned, and who were just now recovering, had a head start and reswooned.
"Lockhart's the name, Gilderoy Lockhart. I expect you've read my books," the lilac vision declaimed. "I specialise in Memory Charms. Very important for a royal, of course. So many important things to remember, names of countries, who's at war with who, and of course, the important things like the young man's name and address."
He laughed heartily and winked roguishly, but the joke was felt to be in rather poor taste and he tailed off with a mildly affronted expression.
Lockhart sloped into line next to Remus, and turned with the other One Wish operatives to face the doorway, ready to greet their remaining colleagues.
Next to enter was a tall witch, whose height was only made greater by the tall pointy hat she wore. It would have been hard to find a more typical witch, from the long black robes to the hooked nose to the tip of the pointy hat. Only the tartan sash worn across her chest suggested any departure from the strict uniform of storybook witches everywhere.
"Minerva McGonagall, at your service," she announced, with a decidedly Celtic burr to her words that made her r's roll like a heavy rock on a steep slope. She bowed with much gravity to the crowds, who nodded approvingly. Minerva McGonagall was the longest-serving member of One Wish, Inc. and her skills with transfiguration were known throughout the land.
The eleventh member of the group strode proudly into the room. The flashy red jumpsuit hung poorly on his gaunt frame, but there was something about his bearing that suggested that, in his mind at least, he was wearing a smart, pinstriped suit.
With a bowler hat.
And an umbrella.
"I, " he announced, "am Bartemius Crouch. From me shall the young Princess receive the gift of languages. "
The proud-looking man's arrival was duly noted, but aroused little comment. Languages, while useful, were hardly the stuff of legend. No, everyone was much more intrigued by who the next entrant would be. It was only a few months since the enforced retirement of Pomona Sprout, who had gone a little dotty in her old age and gifted everyone with green fingers. While this had led to much general amusement on the part of those who found humour in other peoples' afflictions, the number of complaints received from people who now had to wear gloves every day to prevent people laughing at their emerald-tinted digits had led to Head Godmother Draco Malfoy turning her into a small teapot, which sprayed him with tea whenever he tried to make himself a cuppa.
There was an air of expectancy that was only slightly spoiled by Seamus doing a headcount of the One Wish operatives, sharing a shrug of the shoulders with Lupin, and leading his colleagues to the empty table.
"Er, should we not wait...? " asked King Bones.
"He'll be along. Probably," Seamus said, with a sigh. "He's not great at Apparition, to be honest."
"Oh, well... Er, he? Surely there are two yet to arrive."
"Er..." Seamus looked at the others, as though recounting. Hermione, who could count rather quicker, turned to the King.
"There are eleven of us here, your Majesty," she said. "And one on his way, somewhere. We received twelve invitations."
"Ha!" the Queen said. "I knew it! Mother always said-"
"Dear," the King replied. Impressively, the one word was enough to silence the Queen. He had paid a considerable amount of money to arrange for a Spell Maker to develop a silencing spell using only the word 'Dear' and considered it worth every single Knut.
"We sent thirteen-" he managed, before being interrupted.
A loud power chord played, although electric guitars were an impossibility in a castle so dependent on magic. Smoke billowed across the floor, although there were no fires lit in the room. The lights flickered and strobed, although no wind was blowing.
"Oh bugger," Mundungus muttered to no one in particular. "It's the boss."
The lights dimmed and a single spotlight fell on the doorway through which the godmothers had entered. The flunkies had closed it after the godmothers had sat down, but now everyone close to it could see it vibrating, as though the spotlight was shaking it. The rattling as the door shook on its hinges became audible, until suddenly the doors toppled forward, falling into the room and crashing to the flagstones with a slam like a god banging two blocks of lead together. Even worse, on the way down one fell upon the dessert trolley.
The King groaned.
As the dust and smoke cleared, the spotlight fell upon a tall, slim figure, glimmering slightly in the light. The man stepped forward, letting the light fall across his mostly handsome, slightly disconcerting features.
He was blonde, so blonde that his hair was almost white, but that was far from the most noticeable thing about him.
It may have been the jumpsuit, which was somewhat similar to the standard issue jumpsuit worn by the less impressive One Wish operatives. But this jumpsuit was velvet, and instead of a vivid scarlet was a glowing gold.
It may have been the fact that the jumpsuit was skintight, which in this case did not exactly emphasise the wearer's muscles as emphasise the muscles that the wearer did not, in fact, have.
It may have been the cloak, which hung from just one shoulder in the manner of all arch-generalissimos everywhere and which was clearly there purely for effect. This was also gold, although a slightly darker shade which a less charitable person may have called 'brown'.
It may have been the fact that the jumpsuit was highly abbreviated, so that the arms did not in fact exist, showing off the wearer's arms. As for the jumpsuit legs, well, they were cut high on the thigh and hugged what could only be described as the wearer's pert butt. It was far and away the wearer's best feature, and everything seemed to draw attention to it, including his face.
The crowning glory, if such a term can be applied to footwear, was the boots that the man was wearing. Picking up the general gold theme, they were knee length with two-inch platform soles and four-inch heels. Despite this, the wearer strode rather than tottered into the room, the spotlight following him and really showing off just how milk-white his skin was.
He strode into the centre of the room, and looked about him.
"I-" he began, and then his eyes narrowed. His arm snapped out, his gleaming golden wand pointed at a small man who was about to bite into a chicken nugget. The man's jaw closed on what suddenly was even less chicken than would usually be found in a chicken nugget. But considerably more nugget. His teeth shattered on the solid lump of gold.
"I can't abide interruptions," he purred. "I am Draco Malfoy, head Godmother of One Wish, Inc. By tradition and your own law, I am to be invited to every royal christening."
King Bones nodded nervously.
"I was not."
"We sent you an invite," the King said, timorously. He couldn't help but glance down at the plate of chicken nuggets he'd picked up on his way into the room. There was a definite golden tint to them.
"Easy to say," Malfoy sneered. "Still," he said, with a smile that comforted no-one at all, "I can be forgiving. My staff will surely support me on that."
He turned his cold, grey gaze on the One Wish table. As one, Malfoy's employees nodded, fully aware that their Christmas bonuses relied on their keeping the boss sweet.
"You see? Now, I see that there is a seat for me. And what a surprise, our newest recruit hasn't arrived. I tell you, if the fool hadn't known how to talk to that blasted teapot..."
Malfoy took his seat, and helped himself to a serving of shrimp. The entire room seemed to breathe out as one, and the feast began.
Your narrator does not feel the need to go into too great a degree of detail regarding the feast. Suffice to say that the lobster populations in the region were badly depleted, and that chickens in the local farms had been working overtime to provide all the eggs required. The less said about the lengths gone to to obtain the gallons of milk used, the better.
With the end of the meal, the flunkies stepped forward as one and waved their wands. The dishes disappeared, and the tablecloths were returned to their original pristine conditions. Princess Susan was brought forward, and placed on a pillow before the King and Queen, who smiled down on their baby daughter.
"This is your day," the King cooed. "Everyone is here to see you."
"Indeed," Malfoy said, stepping forward and breaking the mood. "Shall we begin?"
The Queen fixed him with a frosty glare. "Yes, by all means. After all, it's not like it's at all an important moment in our daughter's life. Why on earth would we want to make a fuss of her?"
"Ttch," Malfoy sniffed. "She's too young to remember anything that happens today."
"Very well, very well," the King announced, positioning himself between his wife and Malfoy. "Godmothers, please, bestow your gifts on my beloved daughter."
The godmothers lined up. Seamus went first, bestowing upon the baby the gift of friendship. Hermione and Ron crossed their wands and ensured that she would be bless�d in love. Bartemius Crouch made certain that she could easily learn any language she wished. Lupin gifted her with quick wits and reflexes, while Bill and Charlie instilled in her a love of adventure and daring. Fleur passed on an old Veela charm that would allow the Princess to dazzle with her beauty, even on a bad hair day. Mundungus was the only one to offer a physical gift -" a powerful protective amulet that would shield the young Princess from sickness and physical harm. McGonagall blessed the young Princess with persistence and diligence, which are gifts worth more than many would think. Lockhart was the eleventh in line, and rather sulkily avoided his usual flourishes when presenting the gift of good memory to the baby.
The last of the godmothers was Draco, smiling coldly as he stepped up and drew his wand.
"As the head of the company, the most powerful magics are mine to command. I can weave fate and twist destiny. I could make this child the greatest ruler ever known."
He smirked again. The entire hall was hanging on his every word. He revelled in his moment of power.
"But her parents are rude, and do not respect the ancient laws of their own country," he purred.
"Sir, you are mistaken!" the King protested. He would have risen from his seat, but suddenly Draco's wand was at his throat.
"I am never mistaken," Draco said, his cold eyes gleaming. "I am a Malfoy. I received no invitation-"
"We sent it. And we set a place for you-"
"Do not interrupt me!" Draco snapped, bringing his wand down and transforming the King's ermine-trimmed robes into gold. The King slumped back heavily in his chair as the weight of the heavy metal rendered him immobile.
"Now, Princess Susan," Draco said, turning once more to the defenceless baby. "Remember this, child. Use the gifts given by my other subordinates if you wish, but remember this. Princess, King, Queen -- No-one has as much power as I!"
As Draco pontificated, the Queen caught Hermione's eye.
"Help him!" she pleaded as, being a Muggle, she could not defend her daughter herself.
"We can't," Hermione moaned, teeth marks bitten deep into her fingers, and nail marks dug into her cheeks. "He's telling the truth about how powerful he is."
"The only one who could stop him is Harry Potter," Ron said. "And he's still on his honeymoon."
"But I- Really?" The Queen asked. "But they got married six months ago!"
"Well, I say honeymoon," Ron said, clearly considering a horrible concept. It was not immediately apparent whether this was his boss's ranting, his boss's butt in hotpants, or the thought of the famous Harry Potter involved in honeymoon-related activities. "Really, it's sort of more like his wedding night."
"His wedding night?"
"It's all tantric, and time spells and that sort of thing. Hermione understands it better than me. He's not available, anyway."
"Oh," the Queen said. Then, loudly, "Won't someone help my baby!"
Draco smirked.
"You would have to be a fool indeed to take on a godmother, that or brave to the point of insanity. Now," he said, turning once more to the Princess, who had fallen asleep. "Sweet dreams, little one. Dalae Majora Delinque Ratarsi Phenomenae!"
There was a crack, a flash and a scream as the lights in the dining room went out.
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Availability :
Product ID :
Rindow Music (Karachi) 100% Positive
24 - 48 Hours
Features: This guitar was built by Spider Guitars in Korea. I have found little to no support for it and have assumed the company no longer exist. From what I can gather they made high end guitars in Asia and sold them in the west. The guitar has 22 Frets with a Rosewood fretboard on a fat neck. The body and neck are made entirely of Basswood. The guitar is a beautiful opaque, jet black with a slight ivory coloured line running around the edge op the body. The body is a direct copy of a Les Paul. Bridge is a Tune-O-Matic that is not locked and simply comes off when all the strings are removed. I think it has two volume and two tone knobs and a 3 way selector between its three pickups. The pickups are the guitars greatest feature as it features three together, identical to the Epiphone Black Beauty. The tuners are unbranded although they have so far proved sturdy and kept the new strings in tune.// 8
Sound: This is where it gets tricky. I have never heard a guitar like this. It is very very deep. It almost struggles to find distortion and through a Vox AC15 C1 it couldn't find thick distortion which I knew the amp was easily capable of delivering through my other guitars (Les Paul + Godin SD). It also seems to be incapable of playing chords at least audibly and clearly. However it makes up for that with the selector set to the neck pickup. The whole guitar comes alive and sounds much clearer and very deep. Masses of sustain and very clear and precise notes both high and low. It has a deep booming sound when playing powerchords that is simply full of base regardless of the amp. By playing with the amp it is possible to reduce the base. I have been swapping it between a and aVox AC5 C1. It sounded nice on the Marshall but it came alive through the Vox. The sound could be described as rich but almost decadently rich there is so much behind it. Variety? I wouldn't say it had much, it seemed to go from Classic Rock - Hard Rock to maybe possibly some metal but it simply can't do clean at all or so it seems at the moment. // 7
Action, Fit & Finish: This guitar was probably chucked out the back of a moving vehicle. It was slightly chipped all over it little places and absolutely filthy. I can't tell if anyone actually used it before or whether it was simply a new guitar that had started life rough. The action was set unbelievebly high, this took quite a while to fix since the neck does not curve elgently as a Les Paul's should. Infact the guitar exhibits all the signs of very poor manufacturing quality in different areas. The pickups are not well adjusted at all and one of the pole pieces is going to need raised. The bridge looked like a small child put it together and the paint job would also contribute to that theory. The number of flaws is endless, most notably the mother of pearl coming up in one places and being cracked in several places. Also the mother of pearl is stained in several places by what looks like dirt. However despite all this from a few feet away the guitar looks beautiful. Only up closer do the blemishes become apparent.// 5
Reliability & Durability: Live playing? Yes I think this guitar would easily survive that, in fact I think guitar could perform beautiful through the right full valve amp. A warm Vox AC15 C1 and the right music and this guitar could perform it perfectly. The hardware is exhibiting no signs of malfunction so far which is more that can be said for some of my other guitars, and they have never been as filthy as this was. The strap buttons are definitely a great point, they are a little large than normal and absolutely solid, I wouldn't be at all worried about the guitar coming free from the strap. As for depending on it.. that's difficult to say since I have never had a guitar breakdown on me. I would say you probably could, it seems incredibly thick. Built like a tank but dressed up to look smart. Its a good weight too. Well balanced and neither too heavy nor light. // 9
Overall Impression: I play a variety of music and I have yet to see where this guitar will fit in. It seems to handle certain songs better than others. Its quite particular that way. Hard Rock and Prog Rock I think is where this guitar will really shine. I have been playing for over five years and I currently own 4 Guitars and two amplifiers and a variety of other musical equipment. If this were stolen I would be quite upset because I have very quickly grown attached to it because of its defects. I love it cosmetically. Its very pretty to look at it, capturing a classicLes Paultheme perfectly. I hate that it can't do a nice clean sound. Favorite feature is probably its three pickups. Comparing it too my other Les Paul it has a richer sound but is less articulate. If I wish it had anything, probably different pickups because I feel that the body is contributing strongly to the deep sound it makes. A higher output of pickup could bring the sound to a less deep but equally rich sound. There is substantial room for improvement in this guitar and as a musician I love that a lot more than the perfect guitar.


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Actress Mayim Bialik is divorcing her husband of nine years. The Big Bang
Theory star announced the news of her split from Michael Stone on Wednesday
(21Nov12), on the eve of America's traditional Thanksgiving family holiday. A
message posted on Jewish blog kveller.com, where Bialik shares parenting tips,
reads: "After much consideration and soul-searching, Michael and I have arrived
at the decision to divorce due to 'Irreconcilable Differences'. Divorce is
terribly sad, painful and incomprehensible for children. It is not something we
have decided lightly." The actress famously wrote a book about attachment
parenting, but she is adamant the alternative style of raising her sons Miles
and Fred was not to blame for their break up. She adds, "The hands-on style of
parenting we practice played no role in the changes that led to this decision;
relationships are complicated no matter what style of parenting you choose. "The
main priority for us now is to make the transition to two loving homes as smooth
and painless as possible. Our sons deserve parents committed to their growth and
health and that's what we are focusing on... We will be ok."


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We're so excited to be one of the launch partners for Schemer, Google's new site that lets you search, save, share and plan cool stuff to do, from recipes to try tonight to big once-in-a-lifetime experiences every kid should have. Create an itinerary of family-friendly things to do on your next vacation, get rainy day ideas, or start a bucket list of summer fun. Schemer has tons of awesome activities to try wherever you are!
To celebrate Schemer's launch, we're giving Parenting readers a chance to win family passes to awesome theme parks around the country! 14 lucky winners will score four tickets to the park of their choice, including:
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Disneyland (Anaheim, CA)
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Universal Studios (Hollywood, CA)
Universal Studios (Orlando, FL)
Want to enter? Here's how:
- Join Schemer by clicking here. (Note: you will need a Google account to login.)
- Scroll through Parenting's family-friendly schemes at schemer.com/parenting and click on an activity you would like to do!
- Share the link to your favorite Parenting scheme on Twitter and include the hashtag #schemeparenting.
Click here for the official rules. Good luck, and let's start scheming!


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|Episode Description
|Wednesday, Oct 24, 2012 - 8:00 AM
"Peru's Amazon Desert"
Follow host David Yetman and his brother, geologist Dick Yetman, as they descend from 10,000 feet in the Andes Mountains into the heart of the Amazon Desert. Travel by 4x4 down a treacherous one way road through a cloud covered forest. This area hosts hillside agricultural civilizations that continue to harvest the land much as their ancestors have done for hundreds of years. D
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text:
During the first semester, a students will enroll in 13 credit hours including...
- Personal and Professional Success Strategies (2 hours)
- Developmental Writing (3 hours)
- Intermediate Algebra (3 hours)
- Bible course (2 hours)
Each student will also enroll in a 3 hour course in their area of interest/major (for example, an art major could choose to take an art course, etc.).
Benefits include special tutoring, developmental classes in areas of need, instruction in time management and study skills, career counseling, and most importantly, guidance and mentoring. The Bridge Program emphasis is identifying and building on students' strengths both inside and outside the classroom.
Students will consult with the Bridge Program director and/or peer mentors on a weekly basis to address challenges they may be experiencing as part of university life.


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These trades aren't intended to deplete the underrated Dodger farm system; just a look at what it might take. The Dodgers could come away with none of these guys, and I think getting more than one is idealistic.
RHP Zack Greinke, KC
- Greinke was the 2009 American League Cy Young Award winner after going 16-8 with a minuscule 2.16 ERA and 1.07 WHIP -- both of which lead the AL.
He took a step back in 2010, but still had a somewhat decent season: 10-14, 4.17 ERA, 1.24 WHIP. This is either a trend or just a bad season. I'm inclined to go with the latter.
It's been said Greinke doesn't want to pitch in a big media market due to his previous bout with social anxiety disorder and depression. Whether or not that is true remains to be seen. Sports Illustrated's Jon Heyman tweeted, saying people close to Greinke don't think he'd accept a trade to New York. While Los Angeles is a big market, the media isn't anywhere near as harsh as it is in New York, Boston or Chicago. That's a plus in the Dodgers' column.
One stumbling block is Greinke can block trades to 15 teams due to a clause in his contract. It is unknown which teams are on the list. If the Dodgers are on the list, it doesn't mean a trade is impossible -- Greinke would just have to approve it first.
What would it take to get him?
To Kansas City: SS Dee Gordon, OF/1B Jerry Sands, RHP Ethan Martin, OF Kyle Russell
To Los Angeles: RHP Zack Greinke
Why it works for Kansas City: The Royals nab their shortstop of the future in Gordon, a power-hitting 1B/OF/DH in Sands, a right-hander who still has a lot of potential in Martin and a powerful outfielder in Russell. The Royals have one of the best farm systems in baseball and this trade would only make it better. Plus, the Royals save $27 million, as Greinke is due $13.5 million in 2011 and 2012.
Why it works for L.A.: The Dodgers land a potential ace to team up with Clayton Kershaw and Chad Billingsley. Greinke would flourish in the friend confines of Dodger Stadium and aside from a few columnist (jokes), he wouldn't feel much heat from the media. Giving up Gordon and Sands is a high price to pay, but if the Dodgers really want Greinke, they'd have to do it.
RHP Matt Garza, TB
- The Rays are looking to trim payroll. Garza is eligible for arbitration and Tampa has a glut of young pitching. Garza is a big-game pitcher and would slot in nicely as the Dodgers' No. 4 starter.
I proposed a trade in my pessimistic Matt Kemp trade post a few weeks ago.
To Tampa Bay: Matt Kemp, Kyle RussellTo Los Angeles: B.J. Upton, Matt Garza
I'm feeling a little better about Kemp remaining a Dodger, but anything can happen.
When Garza was acquired by Tampa for Delmon Young, some people scratched their heads. Three years later, despite Young's solid 2010, the Rays won this deal. Now they could be looking to turn Garza into another win on the trade market.
What would it take to get him?
To Tampa Bay: OF Brian Cavazos-Galvez, 2B Ivan De Jesus, RHP Ethan Martin
To L.A.: RHP Matt Garza
Why it works for TB: The Rays grab three prospects while shedding themselves of Garza's potential $5 million salary for guys who will make league-minimum money. They get a potential impact prospect in Martin, a powerful outfielder in Cavazos-Galvez and a Major League-ready infielder in De Jesus.
Why it works for L.A.: The Dodgers give up solid prospects, including one who was ranked in everyone's top 10 coming into 2010 for a solid No. 3 or 4 starter who is under team control for another two seasons.
1B Adrian Gonzalez, SD
- Gonzalez is one of the best first basemen in baseball and perennially underrated. The Dodgers had discussion with San Diego before the 2009 trade deadline, but nothing came to fruition.
Gonzalez is a free agent after the 2010 season and there is already talk Padres' General Manager Jed Hoyer will listen to offers for the first baseman (and closer Heath Bell). Plus, he's bound to get a huge deal on the open market, making it likely the Padres cannot afford him. They could be looking to trade him sooner, rather than later.
Gonzalez makes $5.5 million this season and could make three- to four times that on the open market next winter. The Red Sox have been hot for Gonzalez for quite some time. The Dodgers have to compete with them and their overrated farm system. Also, the Padres aren't as likely to deal him within the NL West if there are other options.
What would it take to get him?
To San Diego: 1B James Loney, SS Dee Gordon, RHP Chris Withrow, RHP Josh Lindblom or LHP Scott Elbert
To L.A.: 1B Adrian Gonzalez
Why it works for SD: The Padres get a replacement for Gonzlaez (Loney), their shortstop of the future in Gordon, a right-hander who came into the 2010 season as a top-three Dodger prospect and a close-to-the-majors bullpen arm in either Lindblom or Elbert.
Why it works for L.A.: While it would suck to lose Gordon, getting an impact, middle-of-the-order bat is something that should entice the Dodgers. With Gonzalez not being signed long-term, the Dodgers might not have to give up as much for the slugger.
2B Dan Uggla, FLA
- Did you know "Uggla" means "owl" in Swedish? Uggla is coming off his best season as a big leaguer in 2010. He's entering his final year of arbitration and the Marlins are always looking to trim salary. While he isn't much with the glove, his bat speaks for itself.
Since debuting in 2006, Uggla has done nothing but OPS .805 or higher every season. He showed some encouraging signs this season, too. His batting average increased 44 points to .287 (career-high) and his on-base percentage increased 15 points to .369 (also a career-high). His walk rate decreased a little in 2010, but he still had a career high in OPS (.877) and OPS+ (130).
What would it take to get him?
To Florida: OF Trayvon Robinson, 2B Ivan De Jesus, RHP Josh Lindblom
To L.A.: 2B Dan Uggla
Why it works for Florida: The Marlins trim salary, as Uggla could make as much as $11- or $12 million in arbitration. They also get a Major League-ready replacement in De Jesus, a potential impact and top-of-the-order center fielder in Robinson and an arm ready for the 'pen in Lindblom.
Why it works for L.A.: The Dodgers get a powerful bat at an unexpected position. With the Dodgers lacking power at certain positions (LF, 3B, 1B), a 2B with pop is quite intriguing. He may have stone hands, but he can't be much worse than Jeff Kent at 2B, right? I would really hate to lose Robinson, but if it means landing Uggla, it might be worth it.
Of all the players analyzed above, I'd say the Dodgers have the best chance of landing Uggla, despite his high price tag. The next three in order of likeliness: Garza, Greinke and Gonzalez (lots of "G's").
The Dodgers are going to have to get creative in the trade market, as free agency probably isn't going to land much in terms of impact players. If the Dodgers can somehow, some way come out with, say, Garza and Uggla (without giving up too much), it could be a successful off-season.
I'm sure there will be some "lesser" trade targets, which is where the creative element comes in. I think back to 2004 when Paul DePodesta acquired Jayson Werth before the season for Jason Frasor. I'm hoping the Dodgers can do something like that. Then again, this is Ned Colletti, not DePodesta, so I wouldn't hold my breath.
I'll post my complete off-season plan in the next few days.


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The Individualized Studies major provides an opportunity to develop an area of study that integrates personal interests, academic objectives, and career goals with courses taken from the College's regular offerings in Adult Learning and Development, Behavioral Science, Business Management, Criminal Justice, or Health Care Administration. Examples of programs which have been approved: Emergency Services Administration, Child Advocacy, Human Services Administration, and Non-Profit Administration.
The Individualized Studies major also provides students who have transfer courses, or other sources of prior college-level learning, an opportunity to create a unified and coherent program of study from prior educational experiences.
Flexible delivery formats such as evening, online, hybrid, and weekend intensive courses ensure that the program is accessible to working adults of all ages. In addition, this degree allows a seamless transition from the associate to the baccalaureate degree. See a list of required courses for this program on our Curriculum Map. Download a printable version of the curriculum map.


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National Temp Agency Signs Universal Agreement to Mediate
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Cari M. Dominguez, Chair of the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), today signed its latest National Universal Agreement to Mediate (NUAM) with Labor Ready, Inc., the nation's leading provider of temporary manual labor, continuing the EEOC's program of forging partnerships between EEOC and corporate America. The agreement marks the 34th such national agreement signed between the EEOC and a major corporation to resolve workplace disputes informally through Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) prior to an agency investigation or potential litigation.
"We commend Labor Ready and welcome their participation in this important program," said EEOC Chair Dominguez. "Mediation is the smart way to resolve employment disputes."
Under the terms of the NUAM, all eligible charges of discrimination filed with the Commission naming Labor Ready, Inc. as the employer/respondent will be referred to the EEOC's mediation unit as appropriate. The company has designated a corporate representative to handle all inquiries and other logistical matters related to potential charges in order to expedite a prompt scheduling of the matter for EEOC mediation.
Labor Ready (NYSE: LRW) puts nearly 600,000 people to work annually, and serves approximately 275,000 customers by providing a temporary workforce to such industries as freight handling, warehousing, landscaping, construction and light manufacturing. The company operates more than 825 locations in the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom. The NUAM agreement applies to all Labor Ready regular and temporary employees in the United States.
Labor Ready President and CEO Joe Sambataro said Labor Ready's participation in the NUAM is part of the Company's continuing commitment to its values of respect, diversity and open communication. "As one of the nation's largest employers, placing workers in almost every industry, we actively promote equal employment opportunity in our own business operations as well as throughout the business community," said Sambataro.
Expanding mediation is a key component of Chair Dominguez's Five-Point Plan to improve EEOC's overall operational efficiency and effectiveness. In addition to the NUAMs, EEOC district offices have entered into 534 mediation agreements with employers at the local and regional levels within their respective jurisdictions. The EEOC conducted 11,595 mediations in Fiscal Year 2003.
A comprehensive study conducted by an independent consortium of college and university professors with ADR experience found that over 91% of charging parties and 96% of employers that have participated in EEOC mediation would use the program again if they were a party to a future charge. Additional information about the EEOC's National Mediation Program is available online at http://www.eeoc.gov/mediate/index.html.
The EEOC enforces Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which prohibits employment discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, and national origin; the Age Discrimination in Employment Act, which prohibits discrimination against individuals 40 years of age or older; sections of the Civil Rights Act of 1991; the Equal Pay Act; Title I of the Americans with Disabilities Act, which prohibits discrimination against people with disabilities in the private sector and state and local governments; and the Rehabilitation Act's prohibitions against discrimination in the federal government. Further information about the Commission is available on its web site at www.eeoc.gov.
This page was last modified on May 12, 2004.
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Zwack Museum tour with Unicum tasting
Zwack Museum, Budapest.
Please be at the meeting point 10 minutes before.
Choose Tickets
This event is for over 18s only - No refunds will be issued for under 18s.
More information about Zwack Museum tour with Unicum tasting tickets
"Dr. Zwack! This is a Unicum!" – declared Joseph II, having tasted the unique drink made for him by his royal physician, and so the iconic name was born.
One of Hungary's most famous liqueurs has a history entangled in mystery, starting with its recipe which still remains the secret of the Zwack family. Although the exact recipe remains unknown to this day, it is certain that the unique taste of Unicum is enhanced by more than 40 herbs, making it an exceptionally healthy potion, not to mention the additional benefits.
On arrival a short film presents the amazing story of this more than 225-year-old bitter and the Zwack dynasty. Following the screening, visitors are invited on a tour around the factory, starting with the impressive Unicum exhibition (aided by English audio guides), which displays the turbulent history of this exceptional product. Further fascinating details are revealed in the depths of the factory cellars.
With the help of a professional tour guide visitors can explore the labyrinth of casks where spirits are aged, and also sample them fresh from the barrel! The tasting includes three different versions of the liqueur: the Original Unicum, the brand's latest addition, the delicious Unicum Plum and the truly sumptous Unicum Riserva, which is matured in barrels that survived WWII.
Acquaint yourself with healthiest Hungarian liqueur and discover the spirit of Budapest!


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at Morecambe Library every week
Adult colouring books are 'in' - it's official. Following the news that the colouring books of our youth are making a comeback, we've been giving it a go and what do you know? We feel wonderfully calm. Psychologists say adult colouring in books and adult drawing books are great because when we focus on the activity of colouring, it calms the mind and takes our focus away from worries, whilst stimulating motor skills, senses and creativity. So, join us. You'll find us with the felt-tip pens in our Children's section, enjoying the resurgence of this fine forgotten activity.
This event is free, no ticket required.
For more information, please contact us


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The Chevrolet Spark EV isn't the only electric car General Motors is working on. The American motor giant is preparing to launch an EV called Springo in Asian markets. The Springo is the product of a partnership between GM and China's SAIC Motor Corporation Limited.
So far, all GM and SAIC are releasing are a couple of teaser photos, but don't expect anything too out of the ordinary when the car is fully revealed. The Springo's design is reportedly a combination of the Chevy Sail concept from the 2010 Guangzhou Motor Show and the Volt.
Like the Volt, the Springo will be a compact hatchback, probably with the same general shape for aerodynamic efficiency. Volt styling cues are very apparent in the front end, which features the same grille as Chevy's plug-in hybrid, complete with fake mesh.
GM hasn't confirmed anything yet, but the Springo will reportedly get its motivation from the same 87 horsepower electric motor as the Spark EV, with electricity coming from a lithium ion battery pack of undetermined size.
The Springo's maximum range is tentatively being quoted at 93 miles, giving it a significant advantage over the Nissan Leaf (79 miles), Ford Focus Electric (76 miles), and the Coda sedan (88 miles), which is also made in China. Top speed is a less-impressive 80 mph.
The Springo will be unveiled at the 2012 Guangzhou Motor Show, which opens November 23. GM and SAIC plan to put the car on sale in China before the end of the year, and possibly export it to other Asian countries in 2013. The Springo could be sold either as a Chevrolet or under its own brand name.
Pricing will most likely be announced at Guangzhou, but so far the Springo is shaping up to be more of an economy EV than a Tesla Model S competitor. This compact EV probably won't move the segment forward.
Instead, the Springo will be a volume seller, competing against Nissan, Ford, and possibly GM's own Chevy Volt. A potential Volt (meaning low) level of fit and finish, and a piddling 87 hp, mean buyers in Europe and America probably won't be missing the Springo, unless it is extremely cheap.


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Sun, Apr 21 2013
LeTourneau University will present four-time Grammy nominee Jewel in her "Greatest Hits" acoustic concert at 7 p.m. Sunday, April 28, in the S.E. Belcher Jr. Chapel and Performance Center, at the main campus, 2100 S. Mobberly Ave. in Longview. Tickets go on sale Friday, Jan. 25, online at www.BelcherCenter.com or by phone at (903) 233-3080.
Jewel, an American singer-songwriter, guitarist, poet, producer and actress, has sold over 27 million albums worldwide. She has crossed musical genres from folk to pop to country to children's albums with her 10 albums she has recorded throughout her career. Her debut album, "Pieces of You," was released in 1995 on the Atlantic Records label. Jewel released her first country album in 2008 titled "Perfectly Clear," which reached #1 on the Billboard Top Country Albums chart and featured the country hit, "Stronger Woman." In 2009, she released her first children's music album, "Lullaby," followed by "The Merry Goes 'Round" in 2011, which was named iTunes Children's Album of the Year.
The daughter of an Alaska state senator, Jewel grew up living in the Alaskan wilderness without indoor plumbing. In her 2000 autobiography, "Chasing Down the Dawn," Jewel wrote a collection of diary entries and musings detailing her life growing up in Alaska, her struggle to learn her craft and life on the road.
She wrote a 1998 book of poetry titled "A Night Without Armor," which sold over 1 million copies and was on The New York Times Best Seller List.
Last October, Jewel announced a greatest hits album to be released in February 2013 featuring duets with Kelly Clarkson and the Pistol Annies.
Jewel has appeared as herself in multiple television programs, including on "Saturday Night Live," "The Young and the Restless," "Seventh Heaven," "Las Vegas," "American Idol," "Nashville Star," and "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation." She starred in the 1999 film "Ride with the Devil," where she earned critical praise for her acting debut alongside stars Tobey Maguire and Skeet Ulrich. In 2012, she was cast in the lead role as June Carter Cash in the Lifetime original movie "The June Carter Cash Story."
A philanthropist whose passion is providing clean water, Jewel founded a nonprofit to bring safe water to those in need and create awareness of clean water shortages around the globe.
She and her husband, professional bull-rider Ty Murray, live in Stephenville, Texas and are the proud parents of their son, Kase Townes, born in 2011.


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Los Angeles: Actress Lauren Conrad is engaged to William Tell, her boyfriend of two years.
The 27-year-old shared the news on her website LaurenConrad.com. She also shared that they have already started planning for their wedding, reports eonline.com.
"I am very excited to share with you guys that William and I got engaged over the weekend," she posted along with a photograph of her ring.
"I am beyond thrilled! Get ready for lots more wedding content here on LaurenConrad.com as we begin the planning process," she added.
Conrad even thanked her fans for their warm wishes.
"William and I are overwhelmed by all of your warm wishes. Thank you so much for sharing in this special moment. XO Lauren," she posted.


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You are here: Root > People, Groups and Organizations > Persons
Inventor of the Lisp programming language. Professor Emeritus of Computer Science at Stanford University.
Personal web site/blog: http://www-formal.stanford.edu/jmc/See also the wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McCarthy_(computer_scientist).
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The science is clear: burning of fossil fuels such as coal and oil for our energy has released unprecedented concentrations of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere, raising the Earth's temperature. While there are many variables that effect our planet's climate, there is no question that we must reduce our consumption of fossil fuels to lower the concentration of CO2. Climate change is a challenge that requires us to transform the way we use and produce energy. Public Citizen understands that successful efforts to address climate change start with shifting away from centralized, expensive power stations like coal and nuclear and towards consumer-owned, locally-controlled rooftop-solar, small-scale wind, geothermal and investments in energy efficiency. Legislative solutions must hold polluters accountable, protect households from spiking energy prices and prevent Wall Street from having a role in speculating on the price of pollution. Fatal flaws of market-based "cap and trade" plans reflect more the entrenched power of electric utilities than real efforts to curtail emissions.
Overview of Legislative Approaches to Climate Change
Regulatory Efforts to Address Climate Change
Responding to Climate Change in Texas
Copyright © 2017 Public Citizen. Some rights reserved. Non-commercial use of text and images in which Public Citizen holds the copyright is permitted, with attribution, under the terms and conditions of a Creative Commons License. This Web site is shared by Public Citizen Inc. and Public Citizen Foundation. Learn More about the distinction between these two components of Public Citizen.
You can support the fight for greater government and corporate accountability through a donation to either Public Citizen, Inc., or Public Citizen Foundation, Inc.
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and federal agencies to advance Public Citizen's mission of advancing
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News. Contributions to Public Citizen are not tax-deductible.
Public Citizen Foundation focuses on research, public education, and litigation in support of our mission. By law, the Foundation can engage in only very limited lobbying. Contributions to Public Citizen Foundation are tax-deductible.


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NARS Shimmer Eyeshadow
Shimmer Eyeshadow
Free Shipping & Returns on All U.S. Orders. See Details
Longwearing, crease resistant color in sheer wearable formulas. All NARS eyeshadows can be applied sheer or layered for a more dramatic effect. These richly pigmented powders blend effortlessly and can also be used wet for precisely lining the eyes.
Available in Ondine, a plum with gold shimmer.
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Please call 1.888.222.7639 to speak with a Customer Service Representative.
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If you prefer email, we can be reached anytime at email@example.com.
Free Shipping & Returns on All U.S. Orders. See DetailsUnfortunately, this item cannot be shipped internationally.


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Searching for nearby schools...
School rankings provided by The Fraser Institute. Rankings are from 1 to 10.
This smartly tailored 32 storey glass condo residence with a contrasting tonal profile is strategically tucked away, mere steps from the energy of midtown Yonge and Eglinton in Toronto.
Trademarks owned or controlled by The Canadian Real Estate Association. Used under license.
The information provided herein must only be used by consumers that have a bona fide interest in the purchase, sale or lease of real estate and may not be used for any commercial purpose or any other purpose.
Information is deemed reliable but is not guaranteed accurate by TREB.
Toronto Real Estate Board - IDX Last Updated: 11/15/2018 1:14:59 PM


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A Playa del Rey house built for Oscar-winning 1930s film star Ronald Colman has sold for $1.6 million.
The Mediterranean, constructed in 1927, sits on an ocean-view lot in a hilltop area known as Palisades del Rey. Original details include a carved beam ceiling, arched doorways and Malibu tile. Four bedrooms and three bathrooms lie within the 2,500 square feet of living space.
Colman, who died in 1958 at 67, won his Academy Award as the leading man in "A Double Life" (1947). Among his other films were "Random Harvest" (1942), "The Prisoner of Zenda" (1937) and "Lost Horizon" (1937).
The house previously changed hands in 2001 for $1,071,000, according to public records.
Alice Plato of Coldwell Banker, Marina del Rey, handled both sides of the transaction.


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Top Cars: Made In America
5 Best American-Made Cars for Your Summer Road Trip
As the weather heats up and the school year draws to a close, it's that time of year when Americans hit the road to discover the gorgeous country one highway mile at a time. Accordingly, we put together a list of the five best American-made road trip cars.
2008-2012 Chevrolet Traverse
We're kicking off our list of best American-made cars for your summer road trip with the largest entrant: the Chevy Traverse. The Traverse is a full-size crossover that's downright cavernous on the interior, with over 116.4 cu ft of cargo space with the second and third rows folded -- more than the Toyota Highlander, Honda Pilot or Ford Explorer. With the second and third rows up, however, the Traverse offers seating for either seven or eight passengers. This abundance of space immediately drew us to the Traverse as an ideal road trip car. There is more than enough room in the back for all your stuff, or even to sleep in if you want to save on lodging.
The Traverse is offered in front- or all-wheel drive, which means it can take on virtually any terrain. Under the hood, Chevrolet has put its 3.6-liter V6 engine and a 6-speed automatic transmission. What's impressive about the Traverse is that, while it produces 288 horsepower and 270 lb-ft of torque, it still achieves 24 miles per gallon on the highway -- the best fuel economy of any 8-passenger utility vehicle.
Yes, you can haul a ton of stuff and people inside the Traverse, but you can also tow with it, too. The Traverse can tow up to 5,200 pounds. That makes it perfect for road trippers who want to bring along oversized toys. But don't be mistaken: When you're towing, the Traverse won't achieve 24 mpg.
Another great feature of Chevy's largest crossover is safety. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) named the 2011 Traverse one of its Top Safety Picks. You can confidently travel across the American continent knowing your family will be safe on the road.
Find a Chevrolet Traverse for sale
2009-2011 Ford Escape Hybrid
The next car on the list is the Ford Escape Hybrid, which differs from the Traverse in nearly every way. The Escape Hybrid is a boxy, American-built hybrid with a rather ordinary interior.
This generation of Escape was one of our favorite American made cars and the best-selling SUV in America, and for good reason. The Escape Hybrid offers the durability of a rugged, compact SUV with the fuel economy of a specially designed hybrid.
The 2009-2011 Escape Hybrid is rated at 34 mpg city/31 mpg hwy, which is not quite as efficient as other hybrids on the highway but far more worthy of a road trip. So if you're going to take a trip with a lot of inner-city cruising, the Escape Hybrid is your best bet.
As mentioned above, the Escape Hybrid has a plainer, more durable interior than other vehicles on this list. While it's not quite as nice to behold, it's nonetheless enjoyable. The seats of the Escape might not look it, but they are comfortable and well bolstered -- especially on long drives. Passengers of all sizes will find ample room in the front and second-row seats. Behind the second row in the luggage area, the Escape offers 30.9 cu ft of cargo space.
What's cool about the 2009-2011 Escape Hybrid is it was offered in either front- or all-wheel drive. Although fuel economy is best in the front-wheel-drive model, you can still have hybrid efficiency with all-wheel-drive Ford capability.
Also, Ford covers the hybrid-specific components under warranty for eight years or 100,000 miles, so you should have plenty of worry-free driving ahead.
Find a Ford Escape Hybrid for sale
2005-2011 Honda Element
Some have mocked the Element for its bread-box-like looks. If you can look past its exterior design, you'll find one neat little car. The Element is like the Swiss Army knife of cars. It might not be the best looking, but it'll do everything you need it to, with a few more tricks still left up its sleeve. And the Element was actually built in Ohio: Buyers wanting Japanese reliability from the hands of American workers will love it.
It's not the biggest on the interior for rear cargo space. What the Honda Element lacks in sheer cubic feet of cargo room, though, it makes up for with clever features perfect for the open road.
All the seats are stain-resistant, and the floors are covered in urethane. So the accidental spill of your gas station fountain drink won't turn into a sticky nightmare down the road; the Element is easily cleaned. The rear seats -- just like the front -- recline individually, making the Element a comfortable ride for more than just two passengers on a long haul, especially those who want to nap in the back.
The Element might not be as fuel efficient as the first two cars on our list, but its fuel economy is nothing to shake a stick at. The Element was offered in 2- or 4-wheel drive in either 5-speed manual or automatic. Front-wheel-drive models were the most fuel efficient at 20 mpg city/25 mpg hwy. Choose the all-wheel-drive model, though, and the fuel numbers only trip by one respectively -- down to 19 mpg city/24 hwy.
To recap: The Element can hold a bunch of people comfortably for a long trip; it's virtually spill resistant; and it's economical. You might say the Element is perfect for a car full of frugal road trippers who are also prone to spills.
2011-2012 Kia Optima
Up until this point, we've chosen vehicles for their fuel economy, practicality and comfort -- and for their American manufacturing plants. All those factors were considered for the Kia Optima. Unlike the rest of the cars on this list, the Optima is downright stylish with many modern creature comforts. And, critically, the Optima is built in West Point, Ga., at the Kia Motors manufacturing facility.
As standard, the base Optima LX offers great-looking 16-inch rims and dual exhaust with chrome tips. On the interior, the transmission can be shifted manually with paddle shifters mounted behind the steering wheel. The stereo system even offers AM/FM/CD/MP3/Satellite radio, along with Bluetooth as standard. While these cool features might not be essential for a road trip, they won't hurt, either.
Passengers will find the Optima interior to be a comfortable and quiet one. The driver's seat is 6-way power adjustable. The rear passengers also will find plenty of space, with 34.7 inches of legroom and 37.6 inches of headroom.
Under the hood, Kia has placed a base 2.4-liter inline 4-cylinder GDI engine that produces 200 hp. This peppy engine is capable of 24 mpg city/35 mpg hwy, which isn't bad for a non-hybrid model.
Road trip enthusiasts who admire the stylish exterior of the Optima but also wish for improved fuel economy will be delighted to know a Hybrid model is also available. The Hybrid will carry a higher asking price, but it is also estimated to achieve 34 mpg city/39 mpg hwy. If you take long road trips often enough, the increased initial cost might someday pay for itself in savings at the pump.
2013 Hyundai Elantra
The Elantra is the only new car to make our list of best road trip cars. It's not just any new car, though. The Elantra was named 2012 North American Car of the Year. So to say the Elantra is pretty good would be an understatement.
Built in Alabama, the 2013 Elantra starts at $16,965, which makes it comparable in price to any other car on this list. Unlike some of the well-appointed interiors, however, the Elantra is pretty plain. There is something to be said for a simple, good-looking, reliable compact sedan, though.
The Elantra might not have many features, but that can be a good thing. With few features, the Elantra doesn't have much that can go wrong or break. Also, without a bunch of tech toys, passengers are free to visually absorb the scenery of the American countryside.
The Environmental Protection Agency certified the Elantra to achieve 28 mpg city/38 mpg hwy, making it one of the most fuel-efficient cars on our list.
Although it doesn't have a lot of fancy features, the Elantra has just enough to make a road trip a success. It has air conditioning, cruise control and heated seats -- when the customer opts for the GLS A/T Preferred Package.
Our favorite feature of the Elantra, aside from its great exterior design and exceptional fuel economy, is its warranty. Hyundai calls its warranty program America's best. It covers the entire vehicle for five years or 60,000 miles and covers the powertrain for 10 years with unlimited miles. To us, this means numerous carefree road trip possibilities await behind the wheel of the 2013 Elantra.


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Additional ticket fees not included. fees vary by market
July 18, 2018
Doors open at 6:30 PM
Stage AE
400 North Shore DrivePittsburgh, PA 15212
Get Venue Info
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General Admission - All Ages
This show is outdoors - Rain or Shine!
Presented by PromoWest North Shore and Opus One
PromoWest Gift Cards!
Rent a venue today!


text: Hello all. Please visit my blog for my take on living in Dublin, GA and what it is like to restore a 137 year old house, the oldest in town, The Capt Hardy Smith House. Be sure to visit my blog often as I devote most of my time there. http://livingindublinga.blogspot.com/


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Party Shots: Nicky Romero Kicks Off Pool Season Las Vegas Style
Nicky Romero at Daylight Beach Club Grand Opening at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas on Saturday, April 5.
Daylight Beach Club officially kicked off pool season with an unforgettable Grand Opening event featuring sets by Jayceeoh, John Christian and headliner Nicky Romero. Check out the party with these outrageous photos starting on the next page. >>>>>>
Photo Credit: The Light Group


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This page is accurate as of 2006-08-07 for building older KDE stable versions. Other pages containing similar information are being consolidated to here. Please help me find any similar pages so I can consolidate them. This page is being actively updated, contact kde.org AT phor.net with any questions or hints.
Note: I don't know why you'd want to install older versions. Nonetheless, you've come to this page for that very reason. Please let me know what your motivation is so I can edit this page accordingly.


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Central African Republic: the crisis seen through UNOSAT satellite analysis [1]
18 March 2014, Geneva, Switzerland - The humanitarian crisis provoked by internal instability in CAR since last year continues to be of great concern to the international community while thousands of people face mounting violence and widespread killings. Humanitarian agencies are trying to help people in need but the environment is broadly hostile. A situation report [2] released by OCHA states that: "acts of violence, lootings, carjacking and security incidents against aid workers and assets have multiplied in the past months jeopardizing ongoing life-saving operations". In one of the most recent incidents, one staff member of the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) was killed on duty. In total eight aid workers have been killed so far by armed militias.
Since the early stages of the crisis, UNOSAT analysis has contributed to understanding the extent of the humanitarian consequences and to documenting the destruction of civilian infrastructures and the location of internally dispaced persons. Satellite analysis is a timely source of objective information, often revealing important clues in situations that cannot be monitored directly on the ground for lack of access or because of high security risk.
In the case of CAR, analysis of high-resolution imagery conducted by UNOSAT experts has confirmed a general increase in the destruction of civilian infrastructures especially in the area of Bangui [3]and, more recently, in Bouar [4]and Bossangoa [5]and surrounding areas. In Bossangoa alone a total of 1,234 structures appear destroyed, likely as a result of burning.
UNOSAT say it will continue to acquire and interpret new imagery to help the humanitarian community plan their work under these difficult circumstances.
Images: above, IDPs gathered at Bangui airport have been also monitored by UNOSAT using satellite imagery (photo courtesy of UN News Centre); below, one of the UNOSAT imagery comparisons revealing widespread destruction in urban areas (satellite imagery by Digital Globe).