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Sunday, January 31, 2010
Gifts from My Dying Father
Inside, I ran, but my feet remained planted on the hard linoleum. Hold his hand? I couldn't remember a single time in my life that I had held my dad's hand or vice-versa. It was so...intimate.
"Mom?" I called across the room. "Don't you want to hold Dad's hand?"
"Oh, no," she replied, without a second's pause. I'd seen her nearly faint at the sight of my sister putting an earring in; I knew there was no way she could stand spitting-distance from her husband in the process of a bone biopsy, but you can't blame a girl for trying.
My only other hope was my brother, Jim, sitting with Mom on the couch. Jim, the stand-up guy, the other male leader of our family, the executor of their estate, the brother we would all turn to first if we needed help.
"Jim?" My eyes threw the rope, but it fell short.
"No thanks. You go ahead," he answered, relief in his voice. "I'll keep Mom company over here."
Great. By default and proximity, I had been elected to stand with my dad as they shoved a needle into his hip bone and dug around for possible causes of his recent fatigue and the unexplained bruising all over his legs.
"Jim, we think you might have leukemia," they had told him two days prior, after he had driven himself to the Emergency Room to get checked out (Mom had uncharacteristically put her foot down and insisted). We would soon know if they were right.
"I guess you're stuck with me then, Dad." I took his hand, forcing a confident smile. He silently held on tight. The procedure seemed brutal to me; shoving a needle into someone's very core like that. Tears squished out of Dad's eyes as he grimaced in pain. Suddenly, this man I had loved, yet feared, so much of my life became as vulnerable as a little boy. My own eyes welling, I fought the lump in my throat and let him squeeze harder.
When it was over, he looked into my eyes and said tenderly, "You're beautiful."
Three days later, he was gone.
[This post is a small part of a long story that I hope to tell one day.]
This post is also available via audio. To listen, click here.
61 comments:
This post comes from a very deep well, one I walk past now and then but don't look down in to call my name or hear its echo. Today, I stood at the edge of that well and dropped a small stone into it. It made a soft "plunk," and that's all I'm ready to hear right now.ReplyDelete
I hesitate to call myself "a writer," but I know that writing is something I have always loved to do and a vehicle I will one day use to write my story. I want to note that it is my story. I am one of nine children with their own stories to tell. It just comes from such a soft, vulnerable, personal place, and I'm not ready to start jabbing around in there on a regular basis. (Heck, it's taken me five years to write this post, which tells you something.) Little by little, I may tell more. I just wanted to let you know not to expect a series or anything.
One more thing…sorry I can't commit to a title; it's just so important, and I'm not ready to name this experience yet. Some day…
Your dad was right...you ARE beautiful!! Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment.ReplyDelete
My goodness. That was heartbreaking and beautiful.ReplyDelete
You made me cry too. Too soon to comment, but part of me wants you to laugh or at least smile, so how about naming it _____ __ __ _____ _ ___ _____. Let me know when you are ready for a laugh. I just can't type it right now. :0ReplyDelete
Thanks so much for sharing this...
Oh wow. I don't think I meant to get a cry in tonight. I really come on here for the smiles and clever logic of sorts. Thank you for such tender mercy.ReplyDelete
What a precious moment you shared here, I'm in tears thinking about it as I write this comment. It's so nice you had this special time with him.ReplyDelete
What a tornado of emotion that is wrapped up in this post.ReplyDelete
I'm glad that you found it within to write this part of the story.
Thank you for sharing something so personal and intimate with us. Truly beautiful- in many ways.ReplyDelete
and you were fotunate enough to have had that moment. It was an opportunity to see you Dad in a different light, which I'm sure now you are gratful to have had.ReplyDelete
You ARE a writer and terrific one at that. What a wonderful gift holding your dad's hand that day must have turned out to be! So sorry for your loss. I look forward to hearing more of "your story" when you are ready!ReplyDelete
If this post doesn't qualify you for "writer" status, I don't know what does. You took a heart-assaulting experience and related it to us in such a way that we felt like we were there with you. (I think this story stands strong on its own. To have drawn out the backstory or the intervening 3 days would have lessened the impact of the telling of that moment in time.)ReplyDelete
Maybe I felt it so strongly because I, too, have my own well. My mom was in a coma with meningitis for a week and almost died. It's been 9+ years and I still can't even look at the well, much less drop a stone into it.) I applaud you for your bravery. It gives me hope that one day I'll be able to face mine as you have yours.
Thank you.
Barb-tears are flowing...i can't even typeReplyDelete
And the waters at the bottom of that well will continue to ripple.ReplyDelete
Wow! I don't know what to say....couldn't speak if I had to. Thank you for sharing this. We can all agree that you are beautiful and an amazing writer however in this post I think it was truly your heart speaking.ReplyDelete
Thanks, you guys. And yes, Tammy, it was a gift; a series of gifts, and that's the word that swirled around in my head as I fell asleep last night, thinking about a title. I struggle with whether or not to use it, though, because "gift" is not at all a word I would be quick to use when thinking back on my dad's fathering. That said, as I look back now, I see the good in every negative thing that happened, and that final year was filled with gifts most of us didn't even know we were receiving. The nice thing is that I don't have any pressure to name it; it is what it is for now...ReplyDelete
and afterwards I'm sure you were happy to have been the one who happened to be the closest one for the job...you got to hold tightly to your dad at a very vulnerable moment.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousJanuary 31, 2010 at 9:49 AM
Barb -- This strikes me as such a fitting final act between you and your dad. A period to the sentence that was your long, complex relationship with him. May the telling of it aid you in your perspective on that part of your life. Well done, friend.ReplyDelete
Heartbreaking and redeeming at the same time. Perhaps it was meant to be that you were the one to stand beside him just so you could hear those words.ReplyDelete
Your strength and love is amazing your are a beautiful person and have a kind soul. I'm sorry he is gone I hope this painful memory you find his love. Thanks for sharing your story.ReplyDelete
Beautiful. May your well never run dry and your stones never stop dropping...even if one small plunk at a time. Love ya!ReplyDelete
Amazing...simply amazing.ReplyDelete
I agree with Mrs. H. This is an extremely well-written piece. It is because it touches us for fully that it is so-well written. Thanks for sharing.ReplyDelete
I think it is a giant step in personal healing b y putting a vulnerable piece out there. I applaud you and I also benefit from your words. Thank you.ReplyDelete
My eyes are full....what a touching memory.ReplyDelete
It also tells me there is so much I did not know about Uncle Jim.
tender moments are precious.ReplyDelete
I have no words...without opening a floodgate. Thank you for sharing such an intimate glimpse into your life's story.ReplyDelete
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.ReplyDelete
That was beautiful. Thank you.ReplyDelete
So tender. I remember once you mentioned how quickly your dad was diagnosed and then gone. That must have been hard, no matter the relationship. But you stepped up when your dad needed that quiet acceptance, and now you can always remember that you shared that moment. Thanks for your honesty and openness.ReplyDelete
This is beautiful. Your writing is stunning, and not just when you're writing so close to the heart.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousJanuary 31, 2010 at 2:18 PM
such a tender and endearing story - a beautiful memory - thank you for sharing.ReplyDelete
That first time that we see our parents as people, rather than parents... people that have flaws, and fears....that first time can be earth shaking.ReplyDelete
A heartfelt well told story my friend. I have a love/hate relationship with my dad. He could be so verbally mean and yet I know he would do anything for me. My dad is in latter stages of the leukemia he has lived with for over twenty years. My well runs very deep. This was a very courageous step for you to take. Your writing is to be commended.ReplyDelete
God bless and ya'll have a restful weekend!!!
- AnonymousJanuary 31, 2010 at 5:45 PM
You are gooder-n Pioneer Woman.ReplyDelete
Barb, Once again, you have moved me to tears with your raw emotion and insights into your relationship with our father.ReplyDelete
I struggled to get past the second paragraph, dwelling on the sadness of the fact we never held our father's hand growing up.
How appropriate that our heavenly father "saw inside you" and moved dad to give you his affirmation of the beauty in you that we all see daily.
Dad's life was clouded with deamons he chased and he simply did not know how to affirm his sons and daughters as God intended all fathers to do.
His regret of that fact became clear to me as he visited me one night after his death.
As you recall, he came to me and we danced a joyful uninhibited dance that evening, unlike any experience we had while he was alive. (I too kept my distance physically and emotionally.)
The feeling I remember was one of extreme joy and love. (so much so that when roger asked my why i was crying I told him "go back to sleep. I am talking to God".)
We danced a carefree kind of "showing off" dance, arms open at times. I remember feeling "Look at us now!"
For me, the message I got clearly that night was that I too had been given a gift.
Dad asked if I would choose to define our relationship by this dance, a dance of forgiveness. He conveyed that the feeling of love i was experiencing was the gift of forgiveness we had offered him and that God offers us. He said he was not asking to be forgiven for his failures as a father, but that I redefine our relationship as a gift to me!
He reminded me of a letter I had written to him, where i told him not to be so hard on himself and that we loved him for coming to us with his problems at long last.
He said i "saw inside him" and that it was "Just what I needed".
He reminded me to take my own advice and not be so hard on myself, a lesson I have to re learn often.
While my needs and experiences are different than yours, as you say,
I know in my heart we serve the same Father who has His own "dance" in mind for you.
Keep going to your well for healing and understanding.
I am in awe of your gift of expression and your honesty.
Love, Mary
Oh, beautiful indeed.ReplyDelete
Yes you are beautiful. Beautiful as you are talented.ReplyDelete
I am so glad you emailed me about this post; I was gone most of the weekend and as I am wont to do when I am gone like that, I would have simply scrolled through and missed this. I send you hugs, hard ones.ReplyDelete
This struck my very soul. My heart goes out to you and your dad was correct, you are beautiful.ReplyDelete
I'm humbled. Thank you.ReplyDelete
Mary, thank you for reminding me of your beautiful experience with Dad; what a gift...
This really touched my heart. I wish I could so eloquently tell stories of loved ones I miss like that. I think you should be proud of yourself for putting it out there.ReplyDelete
Oh my word, this just gave me chills all over and brought tears to my eyes. What a special memory just for you. Hold it dear as I know you do.ReplyDelete
What a beautiful moment, yet so utterly heart-wrenching. Thank you for sharing.ReplyDelete
what a beautiful and wonderful memory to keep. Anything about dad's hits a soft spot in me, being mine was not around growing up.ReplyDelete
When the story is written, I'll be waiting to read it. I suspect that as you work through your own healing, it will help others like me who need to walk down that same path.ReplyDelete
I hope I never have to go through this, but if I do, I will try to draw from your courage! Beautifully written!ReplyDelete
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing such intimate details with us. I've had this post starred in my reader to come by and comment but hadn't made it by until now! From the bottom of my heart, thanks for sharing with us. Beautifully written.ReplyDelete
Well - a wellReplyDelete
Your post is as deep as a well both literally and figuratively
I have always thought you were a wonderful writer, and this proves it. Very touchingly written. Because of the way you chose to end this memory, you have allowed us readers into a painfully beautiful moment of your history. Because you have now written it down, your children and family can cherish it too.ReplyDelete
How powerful are a father's words. . . Particularly when you've had too few over a lifetime.ReplyDelete
Love you. N
Oh my word! What a beautiful piece of writing about such a raw emotion.ReplyDelete
What a difficult and beautiful moment you got to share with your dad. Thanks for sharing it with us.ReplyDelete
This gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment with your dad. He was right - you are beautiful. ((HUGZ!!))ReplyDelete
I am trying so hard to swallow the lump in my throat, but I am finding it very difficult.ReplyDelete
A beautiful post. Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to more as you are willing and able.
I have been saving your post in the dock until I had the time to respond.ReplyDelete
I'm so glad that you had that time with your dad. I was with mine when he died; the entire experience seemed both natural (he was in his recliner at home!) and surreal, as it was so similar in many ways to the end of our little Jeffrey's life.
I hope that one day you (and your siblings!) have/take/make the opportunity to write the stories of your family. I have no doubt that your book would be a bestseller!
You are most definitely a writer, and a gifted on at that. Beautiful, of course, too. I loved reading this!ReplyDelete


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subset: commoncrawl


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This was a late breaking session that was announced shortly after The Long Tail: Conversation with Chris Anderson and Joe Kraus. Unfortunately, I didn't take my tablet PC with me to the long tail session so I don't have any notes from it. Anyway, back to Google Code.
The Google Code session was hosted by Chris DiBona. The Google Code homepage is is similar to YSDN in that it tries to put all the Google APIs under a single roof. The site consists of three main parts; information on Google APIs, links to projects Open Sourced by Google that are hosted on SourceForge and highlighted projects created by third parties that use Google's APIs.
The projects Open Sourced by Google are primarily test tools and data structures used internally. They are hosted on SourceForge although there seemed to be some dislike for the features of the site both from Chris and members of the audience. Chris did feel that among the various Open Source project hosting sites existing today, SourceForge was the one most likely to be around in 10 years. He mentioned that Google was ready to devote some resources to helping the SourceForge team improve their service.
The opinions expressed herein are my own personal opinions and do not represent
my employer's view in any way.
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All Articles
November 9, 2017
Cultivating An Education Community
New Schools for Baton Rouge (NSBR) launched the Leadership Team Collaborative (LTC), which consists of instructional leaders at the school and district level who are directly responsible for coaching and managing teachers and other instructional staff. We talk to Dhiyaa-ud-Deen Abdullah, grade level chair at Baton Rouge Bridge Academy and a member of the inaugural LTC cohort to learn about his motivations for being an educator, his LTC experience, and what collective impact can mean for our city.Tell us about the professional path that led you to your current role. I applied to TNTP teachNOLA in the spring of 2015 and was accepted into the program. I spent my first year in the classroom at Langston Hughes Academy prior to relocating to Baton Rouge the following year.
How has your experience with the LTC impacted you, your school, and your students? I believe LTC will produce school leaders that will transform our current education system by ensuring every scholar in Baton Rouge have access to a successful schools, one day. LTC has provided me with the ability to analyze the way in which I serve my students from a different perspective. I think it's easy to get tied down due to the endless tasks that educators have to do but when we have the opportunity to step back and look at the bigger picture, it's only then, that we are able to try analyze what works and what needs changing. LTC also provides a framework to network and collaborate with other educational leaders to create solutions to the problems we face as an educational community.
What is one thing that your students and/or families have taught you? My scholars have taught me to never allow any external situation to determine whether they will meet their goals. Although many of my scholars have external factors that could deter them from trying their best, each of them come to school daily wanting to learn and succeed at meeting their academic goals.What are your hopes for the Baton Rouge Community: students, families, schools? The most urgent need for our education community is to transform our existing schools into excellent schools. My hope for the Baton Rouge community is to provide all students with the schools they deserve. We, as an entire Baton Rouge community, must be willing to be honest and open about the issues that surround our educational system. Too many of our scholars are being denied access to an adequate education based solely on zip codes. Regardless of where a child lives, they should have access to a successful school.Dhiyaa-ud-Deen Abdullah is the first grade instructional lead at Baton Rouge Bridge Academy. A native of Raceland, Louisiana and a graduate of Southern University A&M College, Dhiyaa plans to develop his primary grades content knowledge and become an instructional coach to support other teachers to provide rigorous instruction to all scholars. Learn more about Dhiyaa and his fellow 2017 LTC Cohort members.
Other Articles
New Schools for Baton Rouge Taps Local Education Leader as CEO
January 20, 2021
New Schools for Baton Rouge Taps Local Education Leader as CEO
January 20, 2021


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composed of carbohydrates and protein
Plasma membrane: Phospholipid bilayer (double layer) – composed of carbohydrates and protein – separates the cell from its surrounding environment.Cytoplasm: Gel-like substance that fills the inside of the cell (includes everything inside the plasma membrane and outside the nucleus). Organelles are located in the cytoplasm and the cytoplasm holds the organelles in place.Nucleus: Large rounded substance in the center of the cell, enclosed by a nuclear envelope (has pores which allow substances to move in and out).
It is the control center of the cell "brain" & contains DNA.Mitochondria: The "power plants" of cells. Produce energy needed for the cell (ATP).Endoplasmic reticulum: Network of transport channels within the cell.
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Extends from the plasma membrane to the nucleus. Transports proteins. -Rough E.R.: Ribosome's dot the outer surface. Makes and packages proteins.
-Smooth E.R.: No ribosome's on the outer surface. Makes certain lipids and breaks down carbohydrates.Ribosomes: Some are attached to the Rough E.R. and some are scattered around the cytoplasm.
They make protein. Also called "protein factories".Golgi apparatus: Process proteins from the Endoplasmic Reticulum.Lysosomes: The cells digestive system.
They digest worn out organelles, food particles and viruses/ bacteria that got into the cell.Proteasomes: Breakdown/degrade unneeded, damaged and faulty proteins.Peroxisomes: Detoxify harmful substances that enter the body.Cytoskeleton: The cells internal supporting framework. Provides shape to the cell, gives the cell structural integrity, and can move the cell/its parts.Cell fibers: Support parts of the cell such as; endoplasmic reticulum, mitochondria, and "free" ribosome's. -Microfilaments: smallest cell fibers.
-Intermediate filaments: thicker than microfilaments. -Microtubules: thickest of the cell fibers.Centrosome: Coordinates the building and breaking apart of microtubules in the cell.
Important in cell division.Pages 77-79 & 82-89 in Anatomy and Physiology textbookPages 1-4 of PowerPoint handouts in class (Chapter 3- Anatomy of Cells)


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The Christian Post has been doing an incredible job of tracking the real-world impact of the transgender ideology on families. Recently, they connected with a mother from Seattle who was willing to go on the record about her experience as a mother of children who have become transgender–two out of her three children. Like other accounts of parents trying to grapple with losing their children to what one mother called the "trans cult," these stories are almost universally heartbreaking. Lyn Meagher's story is no different. These stories are unfolding in homes right across North America as I write this:
In December, a therapist told a tormented Lynn Meagher that she should practice self-care, have a support network, and go to the emergency room if she wanted to kill herself. The counselor then proceeded to make her feel guilty for supposedly being a judgmental person and essentially blamed her for her woes. This harsh therapy session cost Meagher $160. Crushed beyond belief, Meagher went home and spent several days bedridden, nearly paralyzed with heartache.
At the recommendation of a friend, she had gone in to see this particular counselor for help in processing her confusion and sadness after her 23-year-old daughter, Sophie, informed her that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship and asked that she not try to contact her. Sophie believed she was transgender and had changed her name to Sol, began taking testosterone, and was going through life as though she was a man. Sophie is the second of Meagher's children to identify as transgender.
In 2003, Meagher's son, Chris, who is now 36 and has legally changed his name to Christine, came home on leave from the Navy at Christmas and announced he had always wanted to be a woman. Approximately two years later he traveled to Thailand and had his genitals amputated, got breast implants, and had his Adam's apple shaved down, which is called a chondrolaryngoplasty. Chris was ultimately kicked out of the military because it was said that he had a personality disorder. Meagher also has a third child, a daughter, Audrey, who is 22.
She is using her real name in this article and not a pseudonym — as others with similar stories have done — because she feels she must be courageous given the current state of affairs. Because her children are not minors, she faces no potential legal repercussions as has been the case in several jurisdictions around the country when parents refuse to go along with their children's self-determined "gender identity" and the accompanying therapies, medical practices, and surgical interventions.
"The reason I am choosing to speak publicly is because I want people to be aware of the grief and loss that many parents experience. I have talked with many parents who describe their lives as a horror film. Watching your child struggle is one thing. Watching them reject their body, insist they are now a different person, a different sex, demand hormone treatments and a new identity, it's unbelievably difficult," Meagher said in a February interview. "Add to that the fact that it's nearly impossible to get help either for yourself or your child that's not transgender-affirming, and help your child to actually sort out their issues, and parents are isolated in this grief."
Meagher lost contact with her son for nearly a decade after he came out as transgender. She reconnected with him in 2013, which was a struggle because she didn't feel she could call him "she" or a woman, and use his preferred female name while remaining true to her beliefs — particularly that sex cannot be changed and no amount of cosmetic surgery can alter biology. "I did the best I could to have a relationship with him where I just loved him for himself, and was hoping that we could just disagree on what we disagreed with and love each other anyway," Meagher said.
They managed a workable relationship until the spring of 2016 when he asked her a "litmus test" type of question about a pending bill in the state related to whether bathrooms and other single-sex intimate spaces should be opened on the basis of "gender identity." When she didn't answer the way he wanted, he wrote her out of his life, she explained. Meagher only saw her son one time after the 2016 presidential election. It was at a coffee shop where he called her a "fascist" several times. He had met her to ask if he could obtain a copy of her birth certificate. Meagher was born in Canada and he was exploring the possibility of moving there in light of Donald Trump winning.
"I didn't even want to discuss these issues with him. I felt like he was allowed to believe what he wanted to believe and be who he was but I wasn't allowed the same thing, to be who I had always been. I wasn't allowed to be me. I had to change what I believed in order to be acceptable to him," Meagher said. The mother of three describes herself as a Bible-believing Christian with conservative-leaning political views.
Chris started telling other family members and siblings what a horrible person Meagher was. Whenever he was around he would manage to control the family dynamics in order to forbid her from being present. She missed out on family events like her daughter's graduation, holidays, and birthdays. To Meagher's bewilderment, somehow he was able to manipulate everyone, ensuring that she was always excluded. The only times Meagher could see her daughters was when he wasn't around.
Meagher and her husband got divorced in 2015. Sophie presently lives with her dad, Meagher's ex-husband. Becoming trans has not helped her son, she maintains. Although he is "extremely brilliant" he remains unemployed and has never been able to hold a steady job, she told CP. "And he's pretty unhappy, he has a lot of anxiety. He's basically one break-up with his partner — who is also a trans-identified male — away from being homeless. If that relationship were to break up I really don't know what he would do because he doesn't have gainful employment.
"He doesn't have a vagina. He has a wound," a physical and a psychological one, she said.
Sophie, who is now 24, is also a brilliant, "really, really bright" person, Meagher says of her daughter. "She's extremely gifted, artistic. She can write, she can draw. Musically, she can pick up any instrument and play it. She's got all these gifts." But middle and high school was a struggle for her and she struggled to fit in with her peers, "like a lot of bright kids do." When she was 15 and 16, it was particularly bad as she dealt with depression and was self-harming by cutting herself.
Meagher never saw any sign of gender confusion in her daughter. For a season she came out of her room dressed in men's clothes. But when she inquired why she was dressing like a man, Sophie told her the clothes were simply more comfortable. During that same season, she would often emerge from her room looking different, wearing makeup and a variety of hairstyles. Meagher attributed this to her daughter's extensive creativity. Sophie at one point wanted to be a special effects make-up artist.
"I used to joke that every day was Halloween because she'd come out looking different every day," she said, chuckling. "I didn't say anything about it except 'Hey, how are ya?'" Soon enough she was wearing girls' clothes again.
June 10, 2018, was the last time Meagher saw Sophie, and when they were together her daughter had on a skirt and "looked pretty."
"We went out for a really nice dinner, had a good time, she told me she loved me, and then I dropped her off at her dad's house," Meagher recounted.
Meagher then left the country and spent several weeks in Liberia. When she returned she texted Sophie and received either brush-off replies or got no response at all. Meagher started becoming concerned, wondering why Sophie was avoiding her and started intuiting that something was wrong but didn't know what it was. As time went by and the pattern of Sophie saying, "I'm sorry, I'm busy" continued, her worries mounted.
In October, Meagher found out Sophie had legally changed her name to Sol. She then managed to get her on the phone and heard her voice for the first time in over three months.
"It was deep. It was not her voice," Meagher lamented.
Sophie did not know her mother had found out about the name change and when Meagher heard her voice she knew she was on testosterone. When she asked her what was going on with her voice, Sophie told her she had a cold. A few days later Meagher called her workplace and asked to speak with Sol, and was informed that "he" was not there at the moment and was asked if she wanted to leave "him" a message.
"And then I knew for absolute sure that she was living as a male person … and that was pretty devastating," Meagher said. "I felt I was living in a dream, a nightmare," she added, thinking to herself, "Is this really happening? What is going on?"
She could talk to no one about this, as her siblings and father were going along with it to varying degrees and were supportive of Sophie's transition. "I can't even describe what it's like to see your own child's face with the opposite gender superimposed on it. It's just … I can't even describe it. It's really hard. They still look like your child but kind of not. It's like they are still there but are behind this gender thing," Meagher said.
She tried not to think about it, but couldn't help but wonder as she lied awake at night thinking about what Sophie would look like with a bearded face and a masculine haircut. On one such night soon after that phone call, Meagher realized she would likely never hear her daughter's voice again.
"Testosterone has permanent effects," she explained, "and one of the effects is that it deepens the voice and often that is permanent even if you go off of it. Your voice is never going to be the same again." Growth of body and facial hair is another such permanent effect.
"It hit me then and it still hits me a lot that I'm never going to hear her voice again. And a lot of times I'll close my eyes and try to remember what her pre-testosterone voice sounds like. Because I'm really afraid that I'm going to forget what her voice sounds like and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to hear it again," she said. "And that makes me unbelievably sad."
Another loss she has felt acutely is her daughter's rejection of her own name. If she was to call her by her given name, "Sophie," that is now considered "dead-naming," which transgender activists say is a form of psychological abuse. "So now, her name that we gave her is now something she considers hateful," she said. Sophie soon also changed her phone number, so Meagher sent her an email telling her that she wanted to be in her life and that she loved her.
A week later when Meagher went to retrieve the mail she found a letter from Sophie waiting for her in the mailbox, printed on computer paper. The note was five brief sentences.
To Mom:
This is difficult to write but I feel the time is right to do it. I don't believe it is good or healthy for me to maintain our relationship. I will not be initiating further contact with you and ask that you respect my wish for no further contact. Please avoid attempting to get in touch with me through phone, social media, in-person contact, or through third parties like Audrey, Dad, or family friends. I wish you well and hope you find peace and happiness in your future.
Upon reading it Meagher froze, and it was as though someone had stomped on her heart.
"It was like the bottom fell out of the world," she elaborated.
A friend came over and Meagher fell apart.
"So she has a new name and a new voice. But the other thing we have is this new relationship now which is that we don't have a relationship anymore," Meagher said.
Sophie knows her mom disagrees with transgender ideology, disagreement Meagher senses Sophie considers as disapproval of her. But that's such a misunderstanding of how she feels, Meagher stressed.
"It's not that I don't approve, it's that I just don't think transing herself is going to solve her problems. And I know this is not going to bring happiness into her life. This is going to bring hardship, a lifetime of medical treatments. I know transitioning is an empty promise."
Meagher knows where her daughter works and lives but that could soon change and then she won't have any knowledge of her whereabouts or how she's doing. She is fairly sure her daughter is saving money to have her breasts removed.
"I especially don't want to see her get a mastectomy and stay on testosterone. This is going to be a heavy, heavy chain to put around her neck for the rest of her life. For her to have to wear that … it just grieves me more than I have words for. It's a grief that I just can't tell you how hard it is," she said.
"It's almost worse than a death because she's alive but not with me at all."
Five days of torture, 'a unique kind of hell'
Days after receiving the letter she was "overwhelmingly, excruciatingly upset," she said, "in a kind of indescribable grief-shock."
It was then when she visited the counselor who shamed her for being such a supposedly awful, uncaring person. After that appointment, she went home, climbed into bed, and didn't get up for five days.
"You know how when you have the flu, and you don't take a bath, you don't eat, and night turns into day and it doesn't matter, you just lay in bed and feel sick all day? I literally was in bed sobbing non-stop for five days. And the only thing I could think about was that I wish I didn't have to stay alive anymore because I could not imagine how I could ever be happy again or how the world could go on with this being the reality, with my daughter not wanting to be my daughter anymore," Meagher said.
During those five days, memories of Sophie's childhood returned. She thought about all the fun they had on road trips, riding horses, and swimming at the pool during the summers.
"All those cherished moments of her life, they kept going through my head. And I just couldn't believe that all of that was over. That she really didn't want to be my daughter," she said.
She knew of no childhood trauma that could have led Sophie to think she needed to escape her pain and attempt to become the opposite sex. And she considers her daughter's upbringing to be relatively normal with the usual ups and downs.
Afraid she would find a way to commit suicide, Meagher made another appointment with another counselor.
When she walked into the second counselor's office she noticed the therapist appeared to be very worried. Indeed she was as she told Meagher to phone a friend and arrange to have someone stay with her or she was going to have to go to the psychiatric hospital immediately. Those were her only choices and she insisted Meagher must not be alone.
Meagher subsequently made an appointment with a medical doctor and soon began taking antidepressants. Her friends were worried about her too. Many would come over to her house and sit on the bed with her as she cried.
"They would text me, they would call me. I had one friend who came over every single day, took me out for walks, took me out to eat, took me out for motorcycle rides. Anything to get me out of the house," she said.
She would often try to cheer herself up when friends would come over but when they left she would collapse and cry some more.
"I can't imagine feeling worse than that. Any worse than that it would be dead. It was torture," she said.
"I couldn't go to church, I couldn't worship, couldn't pray or read the Bible. I couldn't believe that God was letting this happen to me. And I've never felt that way about Him. I'd never felt so angry at Him. I was like, 'How and why? I don't understand this,' and 'What have I ever done to deserve this kind of pain?'"
The experience of losing her children has been a "unique kind of hell," she told CP, adding that she still can't understand any of it.
After weeks of not being able to leave the house, she finally mustered up the courage to go to church again. But she ended up sitting in the back row weeping throughout the service.
"I couldn't sing. I couldn't make my voice say those words. I couldn't do it," she said.
As she cried, fellow parishioners would come and sit next to her and hold her. Then she would go home and cry some more. How long does processing grief take when there appears to be no end to it, she has often wondered.
Meagher has some hope her daughter will desist to her biological sex and realize there is nothing wrong with her body. But she admits she has no idea if or when that will happen. And she has no idea what she might yet have to watch or hear about in relation to her daughter's suffering in the meantime. The guilt she feels that her parenting was so inadequate such that two of her children came to believe they were the opposite sex has been "crippling" at times, she notes.
"I have over and over replayed angry words, failings, things I could have done better or differently. I could have been a better listener, I could have been different or better. But I did the best I could. I'm certainly not any kind of a superhero person. I'm just a mom," Meagher said.
"I did torture myself for quite a while thinking that I had done something that had made my child go drastically wrong. That God had given me this beautiful baby and there was nothing wrong with her and by the time she was with me through her childhood she was all messed up and that it was probably my fault."
Meagher no longer believes that is true but does think Sophie blames her for many things.
"I'm grieving because I've lost her. And every hope I've had for having a relationship that I wanted to have with her and watching her grow into a young lady. … I'm just devastated because she's hurting herself and I can't help her. There's nothing I can do," she mourned.
"She's under the influence of people that she has met online. She's under the influence of a cult that is teaching her that her body is not OK, that the only way she can solve her pain is to take hormones and get surgery, and that her family is the problem. That I'm her problem."
While some are reluctant to refer to transgenderism as a "cult," per se, Meagher has no qualms labeling it as such.
"There's not a lot you can do when someone is under the influence of cult thinking or to reason with them or change their thoughts, because I know she really believes this now," she said.
Her son, Chris, does too.
"I think one of the things that has harmed my son the most is that he no longer has to take responsibility for anything in his life," she said.
She told him on one occasion that he was really smart, had a lot of marketable skills, and urged him to find a job. Before he broke off all contact she called him one day and he told her he was bored so he had written a web browser which was fully functional.
"This is a smart kid. But he's never held a job," Meagher said.
He told her: "Nobody will hire trans people."
"Well, especially trans people who don't apply for jobs," Meagher observed.
"He doesn't have to try to get a job, he doesn't have to live as an adult, to get along with people because anybody who doesn't get along with him, it is because they're mean to him because he's trans. It's not because of anything he did. So he has morphed himself into a white middle-class male to a victimized minority. And so now nothing is his fault."
Her other daughter, Audrey, has never shown signs of identifying as transgender, but fully supports her sister's transition, believes in the ideology, and has referred to Sophie as "my brother" in her mother's presence.
"I think if she had to choose between her siblings and me I would not win. I'm on probation. So far, I still have a relationship with her but I don't know how long it's going to last. I could lose that too," Meagher said.
"My relationship with my kids is about as bad as it can get."
A glimmer of hope, newfound allies, and friends
Even as her familial relationships have been wrecked, Meagher is encouraged that the tide seems to be starting to turn as more people awaken to the documented horrors inherent in transgender medicine, such as healthy 13-year-old girls undergoing mastectomies and cross-sex hormones being given to young childrenthrough an NIH-funded research grant.
Venice Allan, Meagher, and Posie Parker (left to right) in Washington, D.C. in January. | Photo: Courtesy of Lynn Meagher
And she now has a cadre of new allies accompanying her on the journey, friends she did not expect to make given profound differences in their political views.
Earlier this year she traveled to Washington, D.C., to take part in several days of action with a few British women's rights campaigners who flew across the Atlantic to speak to legislators and collaborate with American women from the Women's Liberation Front, a radical feminist organization that is actively fighting gender identity ideology and resisting trans activism.
Among those present were Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull — who goes by the name Posie Parker — of Standing for Women, Venice Allan of We Need to Talk, and Julia Long, a lesbian feminist academic who is now writing a book on transgenderism.
Parker, Allan, and Long have been at the forefront of resisting transactivism in England amid intensifying debate in their country as the government considers revising the Gender Recognition Act to allow persons to merely self-identify their gender without any medical documentation showing that they've undergone a surgical procedure of some kind.
"I got lots of Posie hugs and lots of Venice hugs. I got lots of hugs," Meagher said, chuckling and smiling big. While in the nation's capital she was able to share her story with the British activists and other moms who are in similar predicaments. Meagher credits Parker, Allan, Long, the women of WoLF, and many others she met for making her even braver.
The feminists have understood her and cared for her in a way that has surprised her.
"When I would meet with these women and share my story with them they would just hold me and say, 'I'm so sorry,'" Meagher recounted.
As part of their activities on Capitol Hill, she attended a Jan. 28 panel discussion at the Heritage Foundation hosted by scholar Ryan Anderson, who has written extensively on transgenderism and the harms transgender ideology causes.
Although Heritage is a politically conservative think tank, the panelists were entirely left-wing and feminist voices, including Julia Beck, a lesbian feminist who was kicked off the Baltimore city mayor's LGBTQ commission for "misgendering" and using male pronouns in reference to a male rapist. Beck's remarks that day on the panel outlining how lesbians have been abused by trans-identified males and also explained how many young women are now being sterilized and surgically maimed for not complying with sex stereotypes moved many in the audience to tears, including Meagher.
The two had met and gotten acquainted before the event and after it concluded they found each other and hugged.
"We were just holding each other crying and saying, 'I love you, I love you so much,'" Meagher said, remembering the moment.
"Julia looked at me and she said: 'I did that for you. The whole time I was sitting there I was thinking of you,'" she recalled, grateful.
The feminists possess a deep understanding of how grievous this is, Meagher continued.
"My friends from home, they care about me. They think this is all really bad, really sad. But they don't get how bad it is. They're not grieved about it enough to do anything about it. They don't get that this is a national emergency. They're not stirred to that even though they're watching this happen to me. I think they just don't know what to do. If they knew what to do they'd do it. But it's not causing them pain."
By contrast, most of the lesbians and feminists she met have known that pain in concrete ways, she said, and because of that, they can easily relate.
"They understand my grief, abandonment, and betrayal in a way that my Christian friends, who, though they support me and are wonderful in so many ways and I'm definitely not slamming them as uncaring because they do care, don't. So I was finding myself in solidarity with these rad fems and lesbians and it was actually pretty powerful."
A mother she met and conversed with in Washington, D.C., gave her a jar of homemade orange marmalade, something she said she started making years ago to turn her own bitterness into something sweet. She encouraged Meagher to find a way to do something like that.
Buoyed by that advice, Meagher now has dreams of creating a retreat center of some kind where parents who have suffered from this can come together to talk and recover from the trauma of losing their children to transgender medicalization and identities, something she believes is an assignment from God.
"The bottom line is that I've lost two kids to the trans 'cult.' I want them back. This ideology ruins and corrupts everything it touches. We can't compromise or give an inch to it. And I'm willing to do whatever I can, and talk to and work with whoever will listen to me and help me," Meagher said. "And I don't hate my children, as complete strangers and transgender activists will say. Because I don't affirm them in this and that, I'm supposedly contributing to their potential suicides. No, I love them with all my heart. I just can't affirm this lie."
"This absolutely is a national emergency. Somehow, we've got to stop this," she reiterated.


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France, Germany and Russia have issued a joint declaration calling for strengthening U.N. weapons inspections in Iraq. French President Jacques Chirac says there is currently no justification for going to war.
Mr. Chirac met Monday with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
The declaration calls for more weapons inspectors in Iraq and more resources for them to track down suspected weapons of mass destruction.
Mr. Chirac says the three countries are determined to do everything possible to achieve the peaceful disarmament of Iraq. Their joint declaration says war should only be a last resort.
The French president, who appeared at a joint news conference with Mr. Putin, said "nothing today justifies a war," and the Middle East does not need another conflict.
The initiative backed by the three countries would double or triple the number of weapons inspectors, give them a significant amount of time, perhaps months, to finish their work.
Presidents Chirac and Putin said the inspections are producing results. They said their common position is backed by many other members of the United Nations Security Council.
It is not supported by the United States, Great Britain and some other European countries.
The importance that France attached to the talks with Russia was underlined by Mr. Chirac's decision to break protocol and meet Mr. Putin at the airport. But Mr. Chirac insisted that there is no rupture in relations between France and the United States, which has called the French plan a diversion.


text:
Where you can find information in Thailand
Photo : Traders' Point
Buying & Selling Used Equipments :
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All trademarks and registered trademarks are belong to the respective owners.
Some or all part of this document cannot be redistribute or re-release
without any prior permission.


text:
Yearbook doesn't stop when summer arrives
Written by Evan Blackwell, CJE
Yearbook staffs are wrapping up the 2014 book and preparing for distribution day, with summer just around the corner.
But for many staffs, the work doesn't stop over the summer. There's plenty that can be done in preparation for next year and Idea File has plenty of articles to help guide you through the next few months.
Five Simple Ideas – If you want quick and easy ideas, here is a Five Simple Ideas column for how to keep the yearbook staff busy over the summer – from attending a workshop to building up your social media presence.
Summer workshops – Speaking of summer workshops, are they worth it? They are. Read this feature by former adviser Anne Whitt to find out why.
Photo ideas – The summer should provide lots of opportunities for great photos. Take a look at these ideas from photographer Bill Trueit.
Summer coverage – Summer provides a break, but you can still be thinking of your coverage. In this feature, retired adviser Kathy Craghead outlines some ways she kept her staff thinking of ideas over the break.
How is your staff planning on staying busy this summer?
Comments are closed.


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text:
John did restrain Him, saying: "I must needs be
baptized of Thee, and dost Thou, then, come to
But Jesus said unto him in reply: "Let it be, for now, for thus doth it behoove us to fulfill all righteousness." (Mt. 3, 14-15)
Today the entire Orthodox Church universal celebrates the festive remembrance and glorification of the Baptism of the Lord Jesus Christ by John the Baptist in the River Jordan. The holy Evangelist reports that when the Lord came to the Jordan to be baptized, John attempted to restrain Him, saying: "I must needs be baptized of Thee, and dost Thou, then, come to me?"
Would not we say the like, knowing Who this is Who has come: Lord, what doth it signify, this extreme humility of Thine, that Thou, the Lord Who is without sin, comest to be baptized of a man, even if he be one who is righteous through Thine own grace and righteousness?
What is there to wash away in Thee, Who art more pure than the sun; or to enlighten in Thee, the Sun of Righteousness?—But is it for us sinful and short-sighted ones, deprived of far-sightedness, to gainsay the Lord Himself, Who created all tthings and Who wisely does much that is beyond word and reason?
All the words spoken by the Lord Jesus Christ, and all His actions, bear within themselves the seal of the supreme wisdom and righteousness of God, so incomprehensible to the proud scholars of this age, who dare to equate the Very Lord of Glory Himself to ordinary men, and who interpret His words in accordance with the understanding of their perverted and lost minds;—and we must humbly bow ourselves down before Him with perfect trust and with profound reflection, beseeching the gift of unnderstanding from God.
Hence, the aforesaid words of the Lord to John that he baptize Him silently, and without gainsaying Him,—and the very act of baptism at John's hand—likewise bear upon themselves the seal of the most-supreme wisdom, goodness, and righteousness of God.
Let it be, for now, says the Lord, for thus doth it behoove us to fulfill all righteousness; i.e., it is for this reason that I came to earth and became man, while abiding ever as God, the Lord says, as it were—in order to fulfill all Divine righteousness, which was so brazenly trampled down in paradise by the first-created humans and, later,—the further one penetrates into the depths of time and of the generations of man—even more audaciously, more wickedly, more evilly, more profanely, was trampled down by all mankind, with the exception of a few chosen ones.
I come to take upon Myself all the iniquities and impurities of humanity, without being defiled by them, in order to make payment for them, thereby satisfying the justice of My Father in heaven, and to offer Myself as a redemptive Sacrifice, in order to immerse them all in the waters of the Jordan.
I, of Myself, as the sinless God-man, desire to wash away all human iniquities and to give to My Church a cleansing bath of eternal life in baptism by water and the Spirit;
I Myself, having fulfilled all righteousness, desire to teach people Divine righteousness, giving them the power and the grace to fulfill it.
That is the significance of the Lord's words to John: "Let it be, for now, for thus doth it behoove us to fulfill all righteousness."
Generally speaking, in the course of reading or hearing the Lord's words, or His gospel concerning His acts, we must not let it slip from our purview that He is the Lamb of God, Who taketh upon Himself the sins of all the world, and the Redeemer of the human race; the High Priest after the Order of Melchisedec, Who offered Himself as a Sacrifice of reconciliation to His Father in Heaven, on behalf of us sinners,—that He is the Righteous Judge of all, the Physician of all those languishing in sin, and the Warrior Who has gone out to eengage in spiritual single-combat that spiritual Goliath—the devil—who, with supreme artifice, cunning and perseverance, did subjugate, and continues to subjugate, the entire human race by means of innumerable passions and vileness of all sorts, and whom the Lord, through divinely-wise, righteous forethought, has vanquished completely, delivering mankind from his [the devil's] power.
Thus was the Lord also baptized in the River Jordan, in order to subdue our destroyer, the devil, in the waters wherein he had his haunt, and to leave the waters such, that we, in being baptized therein through triple immersion in the Name of the Holy Trinity, might be abundantly washed clean of the filth of the ancestral sin, and that we might be born again into a new life, through water and the Holy Spirit, and might become adopted [sons and daughters] of the Father in Heaven, by living a holy life.
The circumstances of the very Nativity of the God-man likewise bear the seal of the most-profound wisdom and righteousness of God. He was born of a poor Virgin, Most-pure, and was placed in a manger, wrapt in swaddling-cloths, like an infant, in order that through His humility He might make restitution for the pride of Adam and Eve, who aspired to be gods, in order to convict and mortify human pride, and to teach men humility, which is the foundation of all virtue.
All that the Lord spake and did on earth, He did in accordance with the pre-eternal, most-wise, and all-good Counsel of the Trinity, which transpired before all ages, all of which was necessary for the salvation, perfection and blessedness of mankind; and, if any rejected, and continues to reject, His commandments, counsels, statutes, and that Church which He founded on earth, the same was, and is, the enemy of God and of himself, having thus rejected the Divine Counsel concerning himself.
Baptism was ordained by God in the Church for the salvation of the human race,—and it is necessary for every believer as a door into the Kingdom of God,—and whosoever rejected or rejects it, the samee sweeps away his salvation, his own eternal well-being. In this manner did the Lord speak of the Pharisees and the Scribes, who were undesirous of being baptized by John; that they were thus spurning the Counsel of God, concerning themselves, in not being baptized by him.
Beloved brothers and sisters! We all have been found worthy of holy Baptism in our infancy, through the faith of our parents and our sponsors; we were cleansed of the ancestral sin and were reborn of water and the Holy Spirit, and—became the adopted children of the Father in Heaven.
The doors of the Kingdom of Heaven stand open to us.
Let us, then, with all our hearts, always esteem the Divine gift and our calling as sons and daughters of God by grace,—withdrawing far from all sin, and let us, in our thoughts, desires, and actions, strive for the Kingdom of Heaven, that inccorruptible, unfading inheritance, prepared for us in the heavens.
Translated into English by G. Spruksts, from the Russian text of _"Krescheniye Gospodnye"_ ["The Baptism Of the Lord"] appearing in Part I, Chapter 6 of _"Solntse Pravdy: O zhizni i uchenii Gospoda Nashego Iisusa Khrista"_ ["The Sun of Righteousness: On the Life and Teaching of Our Lord, Jesus Christ"] by Protopriest [St.] Ioann [John] (Sergiev) of Kronstadt, pp. 23-27. English translation copyright © 1983, 1998 by The Saint Stefan of Perm' Guild, The Russian Cultural Heritage Society, and the Translator. All rights reserved.


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I promised that I was going to do just an art update once I received Lynn's artwork for Volume 4 but there is much more that I want to talk about because so much has happened since the last update back on August 1st.
But since I promised art, I will lead off this update with that.
The last art piece I showed off was Akane Akihiko. In the August update, I said I had a new art piece in but couldn't show it because it contained spoilers. Well, since then, I received not one, not two, but three brand-new art pieces that I can show off. Followers of my social media accounts have seen two of them so far, though. All three art pieces feature Lynn and Takumi. One of them together and two of them by themselves!
Check them out!
With these three art pieces done, only two more remain: Amber and Jeremiah! Once those two are completed, we can publish volume four!
I don't like to give out concrete dates when it comes to releases because I don't know how fast or how slow my artist will be; however, IF he keeps up his current pacing, we are looking at a launch the second week of September… FAR ahead of the original December target release date. That's just a testament to how hard my artist has been working and I can't thank him enough for all the quality work has been putting into my series!
As a result of his work ethic, I've been ramping up mine as well.
Last time I updated you, I was in the middle of editing Volume 5. Well, Volume 5's first editing pass is done and the entire book is in second draft! The References bonus chapter is also done as well! The art concepts for Volume 5 have also been created with 10 art pieces up for commission along with an optional 11th art piece.
I'm saying optional because the 11th piece, which I'm saving for last, is the most difficult piece I am requesting from my artist. It's a two-person full body scene with special effects and a background. I am unsure if he feels comfortable doing it so that is why I am making it optional. If he feels like he cannot do it… I might consider shopping around for another artist for that one piece or just drop it entirely. Although it would be pretty sweet to have in the book as it's going to be one of the biggest defining moments of the series.
So, things are set in place with Volume 5 which left me sitting here twiddling my thumbs. I decided to say screw it and I set a new goal for myself. My new goal was to be not one, but TWO volumes ahead and as of the time of this writing, I have 6 out of 7 chapters in 1st draft of Volume 6! I plan to finish the first draft of the volume and, instead of going back and editing it, I will be continuing on to Volume 7.
While two volumes ahead is a nice goal… I decided that my ultimate goal is to keep going until I finish the series. I feel that by doing so will give my artist a lot more freedom when it comes to deadlines and takes the pressure off of me to be in a rush to write while he works on the art.
Plus, I have ideas for new light novels that I want to write but I'm not the kind of person who wants to write multiple series at a time. I have ideas for Shadow Wing, Soul, and The Zero Eclipse that I would like to try my hand at. I would rather start those up rather than wait years to do so.
With that being said, I plan on finishing A.R. Dragonfly before the end of 2019. That doesn't mean all of the volumes will be out this year. I don't think my artist can draw 8 volumes of artwork in 4 months; however, I think 4 months is enough time for me to at least write the remainder of the series and go on cruise control after that so I can focus on fleshing out the stories of the other three series I would like to write.
This also doesn't mean I'm planning on rushing A.R. Dragonfly, either. I have the story points in place, I have my path laid out. I'm still finding new things to write about as I'm writing and I'm still excited about exploring and fleshing out the world. Plus, just because I'm writing it out to the end doesn't mean I don't have things planned for A.R. Dragonfly. I have a few things in mind that I want to do to help support the series… some of which are a little expensive, but they are things I want to do regardless. If it goes well, I might think about giving Final Hope the same treatment.
More on what that is another time as I haven't decided to fully pursue it yet!
With that progress update out of the way, I'm doing a first! This is the first time I am answering a question that someone asked me on Twitter… mainly because my reply wouldn't work with 280 characters.
Sein Ares @SunielMadhukum1 asked:
Final Hope
Ch 1 – 4949
Ch 2 – 6848
Ch 3 – 5139
Ch 4 – 5605
Ch 5 – 5825
Ch 6 – 5683
Ch 7 – 6650
Ch 8 – 6835
Ch 9 – 9253
Ch 10 – 8644
Ch 11 – 6852
Ch 12 – 8134
Total: 80,417
Ch 13 – 4815
Ch 14 – 6447
Ch 15 – 4036
Ch 16 – 4983
Ch 17 – 4905
Ch 18 – 7023
Ch 19 – 6181
Ch 20 – 3957
Ch 21 – 3858
Total: 46,205
AR Dragonfly
Ch 1 – 4352
Ch 2 – 5273
Ch 3 – 4640
Ch 4 – 4463
Ch 5 – 3960
Ch 6 – 4802
Ch 7 – 4575
Total: 32,065
Ch 8 – 4397
Ch 9 – 5021
Ch 10 – 5755
Ch 11 – 4584
Ch 12 – 5505
Ch 13 – 3918
Ch 14 – 4887
Total: 34,067
Ch 15 – 4581
Ch 16 – 5016
Ch 17 – 3661
Ch 18 – 4446
Ch 19 – 3997
Ch 20 – 3645
Ch 21 – 3244
Total: 28,590
Ch 22 – 4559
Ch 23 – 5588
Ch 24 – 4512
Ch 25 – 5712
Ch 26 – 6512
Ch 27 – 4269
Ch 28 – 4836
Total: 35,988
Ch 29 – 6905
Ch 30 – 6959
Ch 31 – 6750
Ch 32 – 7614
Ch 33 – 6128
Ch 34 – 7032
Ch 35 – 7244
Total: 48,632
Ch 36 – 7442
Ch 37 – 6230
Ch 38 – 7273
Ch 39 – 7104
Ch 40 – 7777
Ch 41 – 6424
Ch 42 – Not yet written
Total (so far): 42,068


text:
In Podcast Episode #1071, Marc Abrahams shows an unfamiliar research study to physicist Melissa Franklin. Dramatic readings and reactions ensue.
Remember, our Patreon donors, on most levels, get access to each podcast episode before it is made public.
Melissa Franklin encounters:
"Impact of Holding Umbrella on Uni- and Bi-Directional Pedestrian Flow: Experiments and Modeling," Ning Guo, Qing-Yi Hao, Rui Jiang, Mao-Bin Hu, and Bin Jia, arXiv 1606.03434, December 21, 2015.
Seth Gliksman, Production Assistant
Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Overcast, Google Podcasts, AntennaPod, BeyondPod and elsewhere!


text: Family Farm Co-op in Missouri Shows Commitment to Food Safety For more than four generations, Amish farmers in the Kansas City area have abided by a simple tenet: farm sustainably and care for the earth to preserve their way of life for future generations. Good Natured Family Farms (GNFF), a cooperative of 18 Amish family farms in Missouri, is using GroupGAP, a new USDA audit program, to help them safeguard their future by building strong markets for the high-quality, local foods they produce. In August, the group made USDA history as the first to receive an official USDA Good Agricultural Practices (GAP) certification through our new GroupGAP program. Since 2002, the Agricultural Marketing Service (AMS) has provided the traditional USDA GAP audit program to the fruit and vegetable industry. GAP is a voluntary program that verifies its participants follow U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) guidelines and industry best practices to minimize risks of food safety hazards when producing, handling, and storing fruits, vegetables, and other specialty crops. In 2016, AMS conducted nearly 4,000 traditional GAP audits. Ken Petersen, Audit Services Branch Chief, AMS Specialty Crops Program Posted in Health and Safety Dec 15, 2016 1 Response


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The Body Shop is my ultimate bodycare brand and I have tried and used many of their products and continue to do so. Needless to say, I have a few favorite scents and products from the different lines that I am currently loving. This is them!
The reason why I love TBS so much is their scents in the first place. Lush can often be too overpowering and my experiences with cheaper drugstore brands aren't always great. I have quite sensitive skin, which means that many products end up irritating it. I've never had any problems with The Body Shop products and know I can grab for them and have no issues.
Piñita Colada Shower Gel
Piñita Colada is this year's summer line, like last year's. I absolutely adore the scent of this! It is so fruit and summery, but not in a bad way. The scent isn't too overpowering and I find it really refreshing. It reminds me a bit of the lemon scent TBS used to do. I loved using that in the morning as a bright awakening pick me up. That's what this is too.
Blueberry body butter
When you say The Body Shop, I say body butter. I love how each scent has a different texture and the blueberry one is my favorite. It is quite thick and creamy, but not overly so. Some body butters have a thinner consistency, especially the fruity ones, which is something I don't love. I am currently using this scent as my hand and foot cream and love it when I fall asleep.
Frosted Plum body butter
A scent to cherish: this Christmas limited edition from 2015 is one you can no longer get, but which smells absolutely gorgeous. Like with the blueberry scent, I like the consistency of this body butter over others. The scent is sweet and fruity, but also pleasant. Some of the TBS fruity scents can be quite sickly (*cough* strawberry *cough*) but I like this combo as it has that hint of freshness to it.
Vineyard Peach shower gel
Could this be my ultimate favorite? I think it might be. Vineyard Peach is a line I love more than anything. I still have several backups of these. This, to me, is summer in a shower gel. It has the GOOD peach smell and not the chemically sweet Haribo peach smell of the Too Faced peach products. No, this smells exactly like you would if you were to stand in a peach orchard. So so yummy!
Cocoa Butter scrub
I am not much of a scrub girl, but this one? Oh my, this one I love. Where I like my body butters to not be too thick, I prefer my scrubs to be rich and creamy. Mainly because of that sensitive skin issue. I just can't deal with super intense scrubs. While most of the The Body Shop scrubs are jelly like, this one is creamy. As if a body butter were infused with scrubby granules. So nice and I like the smell of this too.
Which The Body Shop products are your favorite?


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ENIGMA MEG data upload
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Revision as of 16:49, 23 February 2021 by Amnamyst (talk | contribs) (→Required Software to see local data)
Data to be included in the Enigma MEG mega-analysis and data harmonization procedure will be uploaded using the Globus software. Globus is a secure, fault-tolerant, peer-to-peer software based on GridFTP.
An endpoint per lab will be created on NIH storage and given access credentials via email. Only users within your lab and the NIH MEG Core will be able to view and write data in the endpoing. Once you receive an email from globus connecting you to a globus endpoint, you will need to create an account on the globus website associated with your institution.
Globus Website
The globus website will allow you to see the upload endpoint https://www.globus.org/
Required Software to see local data
Globus connect personal is used to browse local data for upload. https://www.globus.org/globus-connect-personal
Find remote endpoint
Select Remote Endpoint provided over email
Connect to Remote Endpoint


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Group by: Creators | Item Type
Number of items at this level: 4.
Banerjee, S and Kumar, A and Sujatha Devi, P (2011) Preparation of nanoparticles of oxides by the citrate-nitrate process Effect of metal ions on the thermal decomposition characteristics. Journal of Thermal Analysis and Calorimetry, 104 (3). 859 -867. ISSN 1388-6150
Phani, Kalyan Kumar (1988) Strength distribution and gauge length extrapolations in glass-fiber. Journal of Materials Science, 23 (4). pp. 1189-1194. ISSN 0022-2461
Ray, D and Sarkar, Bijit Kumar and Rana, A K and Bose, Nripati Ranjan (2001) Effect of alkali treated jute fibres on composite properties. Bulletin of Materials Science, 24 (2). 129-135 . ISSN 0250-4707
Sarkar, Soumya (2014) Fabrication and Characterization of Advanced Structural Ceramic Matrix Nanocomposites. PhD thesis, Jadavpur University.