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People with distinguished names
This is a Grand List of People with the Most Distinguished Names.
Your distinguished name is Lord Voldemort.
Dick Assman
Harry Dick Randy Highman Assman Junior (commonly referred to as Dick Assman) is a man born in Ohio in 1994. He was sentenced to life in prison for rape and murder at the age of 14.
Phil Atio
(Not to be confused with his Klingon counterpart: Phil Latio)
Born into poverty at age 100 in the small town of America Atio (aka: Dick face) defeated The Odds at Wrestlemania XII, thus becoming a household name. With his millions, he created Judaism, along with co-founders, Heinrich Himmler and Damon Wayans. Despite his numerous good deeds, Atio fell into a life of drugs and crime at the hands of his own mother, the notoriously violent leader of the murderous "We Hurt Puppies and Kittens" gang that wreaked havoc on the streets of Tel Aviv and Detroit during the Dark Ages: Prince Charles. Sadly, Atio died in a horriffic accident at the pole vault portion of the 1913 Special Olympics; he was struck by a 1999 Chevy Impala and died on impact.
Bessy Ality
Born on March 28, 1941 in Sussex, England. Bessy was an animal rights activist and lover of animals. Bessy saved sloths all over the world with Bessy's "Bessy Ality is the way to go" campaign which gained many PETA (group) supporters for some odd reason. Bessy "accidentally" fell out a window and landed on bullets on January 25, 2000, tragically she died of cancer. Her campaign, "Bessy Ality is the way to go" is still running with over 9,000! members today.
Chris P. Bacon
One of the the main promoters of the three names theory of pig. Because of this mans achievements modern man can distinguish between otherwise similar meat small goods. Bacon, Pork and Ham.
Ana L. Beads
(Born September 6th 1961) Ana Lacey Beads. Matriarch of the prestigious Mari Gras necklace company, Ana L's Beads. With a name like hers, she was destined to make colorful beads meant for nothing more than one simply wearing it around their neck and nothing else at all.
Harry Ballzanya
Anita Bang
Peggy Banks
Master Bating
Master John Bating is a don at Oxford University, in Oxford, England where he is famous for his groinbreaking work in philosophy. His seminal tract "Love Comes in Spurts" is a minor classic, and older copies, espeically those with the pages stuck together, now fetch millions.
A famous hedonist, Master Bating has published several papers in prestigious journals. Known to his friends as Jack, Master Bating has been criticized by some of his fellow Oxford faculty for taking too many vacations. "'Jack's off,' I'm always having to tell them, says his officemate Master Heywood Jablome. But Master Bating's colleague and friend", Master E. Jack Ulates describes him as "amusing". "Master Bating never fails to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day," Master Ulates has said. Oxford students concur: "We all love Master Bating," says philosophy major Ima Virgin.
Senator Theodore Peracliatus Beard
Son of Sir Harold Holtsworthy Beard, inventor of the beard.
Justin Beeber
The African American version (clone) of Justin Bieber, whom he is often mistaken as.
Justine Bieber
The even more female alter ego version of the so-called popular teen idol Justin Bieber (often mispelt as Justin Beiber. She always spells her name wrong for some reason. But nobody cares.
Ophelia Bush
Dick Butkus
Dick Butkus is neither a Football coach nor a old wrinkley man, he is in fact a dick that was created by John Madden to kiss Jerry Porters butt! He is also an identical twin (or maybe a clone) of Mike Ditka.
Harry Butz
Harold Butz, Jr. was born on a Summer's Eve in Marion Ohio to Harold Butz, Sr., and his wife Anita Butz. For some reason his father wished upon him the same name as his, and thus Harry Butz was hence known as the Little Harry Butz, and his father as BIG Harry Butz. The family name was shortened at Ellis island from the original Polish spelling of Butinski. Their family motto is "if something smells, it's usually the Butz."
Seymour Butz
Popper Cherry
Al Coholic
Courteney Cox
Osborne Cox
Osborne Cox is an angry CIA mother fucker with little or no value to anyone, including himself. His absent mindedness less to the death of countless other morons in a hilarious fashion.
Fae Cox
Fae Cox grew up in south-northern Las Vegas. Her Parents worked in a dildo factory. She eventually took up the family job and now has 69 patents for different dildos.
Dewey Cox
see Faggot
Ronny Cox
You can help Uncyclopedia by writing a section about this person with a distinguished name!
Seymour Cox
Seymour Cox is a resident of New Waterford, Nova Scotia and owns Shopper's Drug Mart on Electrician Avenue. His business experienced a boom during last February's Glory Hole Classic.
Bea Cox-Hucker
Bea Cox-Hucker (nee Cox) married the Indian batsman Watuuf Hucker in May 1987, and they hyphenated at that point. Bea devoted the rest of her life to the study of the wildlife of the southern alps and discovered the birds now named for her, the Cox-Hucker Swallows (Hirondum spermagluggin).
Hard to lick, the Cox-Hucker name lives on in the form of 3 little Cox-Huckers born in 1989, 1990 and 1753 respectively.
Thomas Crapper
As Vice-President of the United States, Sir Thomas Crapper was always looking out for number two. He was a stalwart fighter for the issues that most concerned his constituency, the so-called Toilet Bowl of America. In honour of his great accomplishments, the John was named after him, even though he wasn't called John.
He is much less famous for his many useful inventions, although it can be easily argued that it was as an inventor that he had his greatest impact on American life. Amongst his many inventions:
- The cell phone
- The chastity belt
- The Strap On Dildo, i.e., the Unchastity Belt
- Al Gore
- Portable Vagina
- Crapmobile
Andy Dick
"There's a place in hell for Andy Dick."— Satan
"That's my drag name!! "— Oscar Wilde
aka Andrew Cockermann (born December 21, 1965), is a homosexual penis that has made its name as a stunt penis on such shows as Newsradio and Less Than Perfect. Andy Dick is really an alien from a planet whose name can't be pronounced. It's known that Andy Dick has eight nipples. Dick is currently being held by the American Broadcasting Corporation.
Endy Dick happened, soon as that guy goes anywhere it gets a worse rap then John Wilks-booth.
Its sexual orientation has been regularly debated in gossip circles. On Entertainment Tonight, Dick claimed to be tri-sexual, having "lived most of its life in the Tri-State Area."
On a seemingly normal music award show night, Dick was introduced to its only known blood non-extraterrestrial relative, Deborah Cox, proprietor of the Peppermint Hippo.
Got knocked the fuck out by Jon Lovitz for reintroducing Phil Hartman's wife to cocaine, which resulted in her murdering Phil Hartman. Dick made a joke, and Lovitz proceeded to grab his head and bash it into the bar until blood was pouring from his nose. He deserved it, the cock.
Dick was last seen on the MTV show The Assistant, which was a parody of a more serious and entertaining show featuring Donald Trump and a cast of boot-licking toadies.
In July 2008, Dick was arrested again for huffing a kitten in the park.
In June 2009, Dick was arrested by police for being in shit with the cartel.
Anita Dick
Swing era singer Anita Cox fronted for many a band leader during the 1930s and 1940's with such its as I Need a Good Man Real Bad and A Hard Man is Good To Find. In 1950, she abandoned her career to lead a life of chastity in Catholic Church as Sister Anita Goodhead in the Dominican order of St. Fellatrix.
Phillip K. Dick
Phillip Kindle Dick was the alter ego of Robert Heinlein from a parallel universe where the Axis powers won World War II, and a 1947 nuclear attack on San Francisco spawned a mutant race of super-hippies who took over the world in 1980. Dick found a portal to our universe and realized he could make money here writing about things that were mundane in his own world.
His best known works are the short stories "We'll Remember, but Only If You Pay Retail", and "Yo! Yo! Yo! This Be the Minority Report!" and the novels The Man Who Was High in His Castle, The Three Stooges Meet the Man on the Moon, Does Han Solo Dream of a Female C-3PO? , Ubik's Cube, "Wah, I'm Sad," Said The Policeman, and Does Han Solo Dream of a Female C-3PO?, Part II, Electric Boogaloo. A common theme in all of his work was his unquestioning obedience to all authority. His works inspired the Police Academy movie series and countless antidrug commercials.
He disappeared in 1982. He is believed to have gone to yet another universe to reconnect with his sister – the former Charlotte Jane Dick, now wife of Charles Richard Run, a champion race dog breeder.
Ben Dover
Ben Dover is a steamboat operator and part-time trombone player hailing from Cleveland, Ohio. He currently collects disability payments from the state, owing to a rare form of arthritis that often causes him great difficulty in walking and sitting down, particularly after prolonged periods in bed. Mr. Dover is one of the world's leading collectors of postage stamps, riding crops and vintage leather bustiers.
Steam-boating is something that Ben was introduced to fairly late in his teens. Having an adventurous spirit lead Ben to participating in certain of life's excesses. Too much of a good thing could have lead to the anti-immune deficiency response in the form of Arthritis. Suffering from his life changing ailment, and due to his prone position he was not able to participate in any form of sexual intercourse. A life changing experience was achieved when he was introduced to a Rheumatologist Phil McKrackin. After rearing a hostel of young men, Phil was able to apply his experience to Ben and relieve some of the frustration caused by the debilitating disease. Lubricating the joints usually results in significant relief to an arthritis sufferer and after an initial trial period Ben Dover and Phil McKrakin have worked closely to explore other methods of lubricating and easing tight and unresponsive joints.
Den Dover
Den Dover is an MEP in the North West of England. No really! It's true! Someone actually called their child that!
Eileen Dover
Eileen Dover (sister of Ben Dover) did as her name suggests, and invented the microphone. Named after the birthday girl in WordGirl.
Mister Face
A man who's first name is a mystery. He is responsible for the mess on your girlfriend's carpet.
Ijaz Fahted
Prespytarian minister of the Guff Creek chapel In Breaking Winds, Montana.
Howie Felterpuss
Howard "Howie" Felterpuss (D, Kentuckistan) is a Former US Senator. Born in 1776, Howard gained interest in politics at an early age. Upon watching a speech by fellow Democrat Hillary Clinton, he was quoted as saying "I just love her positions! I can't get enough of her tight wording!" He was well known for having over 90 Mistresses, including Marie Antoinette of Austria. When the public got wind of his promiscuity, they promptly re-elected him for 2 consecutive terms. Eventually, Senator Felterpuss resigned amidst humiliating accusations of knocking up Katie Holmes, Monica Lewinsky, and Your Mom. He defended is actions by saying "I never meant any harm to these women. my only interest was in their pants. I mean, in filling a void in their lives!" Mr. Felterpuss is currently Undead, and living Happily with his Adopted Son, Ben Dover.
Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster
Owner of the most badass name known to man. He frequently loans badassness in charitable donations. He is currently fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan and beat Osama bin Laden in a boxing match. The action figure will arrive in 2011.
Wilma Fingerdoo
Wilma Flintstone's Maiden Name.
Danny Fishcharge
Daniel 'Danny' Fishcharge gained infamy in 1973, after becoming the first adult ever to contract Playground Lurgy. The illness, which is usually passed from child to child during games of "Tig" (aka "It", "Dobby", etc), left Danny with a permanent Spoonerism of the Moniker, a slimy appearance and a pungent, kippery aroma. Despite these problems, Fishcharge has always been remarkably popular with the ladies - allegedly getting into the knickers (panties) of almost all of the women in the world.
Andy Fitzwell
Andy Fitzwell was a famed drunkard from Scotland in the late 1800s. He was a petty thief on the weekends, and on many occasions police had to remove his fist from woman's purses. Until 1869, he openly roamed the streets. Then in the fall of that year, he was finally put into jail. Accordingly, he was accused of helping Hugh G. Rection fit into a small opening to escape from his allegedly crazy aunt. He remained in prison until 1878, when Mike Hunt killed him with a type of horrid nerve gas.
I. P. Freeley
Irvine Petrov Freeley is an American freestyle swing dancer, communist sympathizer, and inventor of American beer. I. P. Freeley has contributed greatly to recent American history.
Born in 1952, Freeley was raised as a good Catholic boy, and briefly as a naughty Wiccan girl. Experts say his childhood experiences lead to his gender confusion later in life, when he was crowned both "Dairy Queen of Norwalk County" and "Prom King of Bovine University" in the same year. Some believe Freeley is actually Paris Hilton.
Freeley is perhaps best known as the author of the 1971 best-selling book The Yellow River, although he was also the founder of the Colonist party.
Ivana Fukalot
Born in Russia. Tight pussy... nice ass! Online live on her webcam at a website located in an unknown country.
Easton Fection
(October 4, 1898 - September 23rd 1971) Easton is one of the largest corprate giants today who made the yummy and delicious bread, Easton Fection Bread! Made from pure Easton Fection yeast! Tragically he died when he fell into a bread maker, putting tons of Easton Fection into the bread.
Mike Hawk
Sir Baron Michael Pemblebrook Wimbleton Hawk, OBE, was King of the Independent Socialist Republic of North Rhine-Westphalia from 69-1337 AD.
Dick Hertz
Richard Offen Hertz (born 11 November 1949), is the disputed heir to the Hertz Rental Car empire and one time member of the Board of Directors. Dick's career veered off course into the fast lane of freelance journalism.
Driven by a life long dream to write—if not by the constant sniggering from fellow Board Members, secretaries, and even strangers in the waiting room whenever his name was even mentioned—Dick found an open space at The San Francisco Chronicle. There, his nimble handling of assignments from day to day excursions to emergency maneuvers, put him on the fast track to success, eventually earning him the much vied-for pole position: a daily advice column to the lovelorn.
Regrettably, he turned down a darker path, using his new position to meet many a lonely reader—often in parking lots and back alleys. The remarkable variety of social diseases which he contracted are the stuff of journalistic legend, which he wisely chose to share with others by way of his 1996 autobiography "Ouch".
He has been quoted in such prestigious articles as Lobe, Stench, and To Be Announced
Chase Hiscock
Had strong hopes and dreams but was ultimately beaten to death with a tire iron and thrown into a ditch by the Coaliation Of Cool Klansmen or COCK.
Seymour Hiney
Had a big hiney, and wanted people to see more of it then most people wanted.
Jack Hoffman
Jackson (King) James Hoffman is a famed recording artist and CEO of Hairy Hand Records. He was born to Philip Seymour (Butts) Hoffman on December 19, 1965, in Jerking, Wyoming. He has started the careers of such artists as Ned "Need a Tissue" Bangner and Lawrence "Money Shot" King. He also had many hits himself, such as "Stroke it Slowly" and "Insert Random Masturbation Joke Here". UPADATE Jack Hoff was killed in a horrible shooting at his home in Jizzhole, California. He leaves behind his wife, Clary Boyd, and his two girls, Fleshlite and Cockface (ok, I'm not even trying to hide that one)
Ima Hogg
"Ima Hogg, philanthropist and patron of the arts was born in Mineola, Texas, on July 10, 1882... Ima was named for the heroine of a Civil War poem written by her uncle Thomas Elisha and was affectionately known as Miss Ima for most of her long life. She was eight years old when her father was elected governor; she spent much of her early life in Austin." [1]
Hoo Pflung Poo
Godfather to Ho Chi Min and second cousin by marriage to LaChoy Chow Mein, Poo was was always "runny here and runny over here, too." When Min had had it up to his neck with Poo he had him sent to a re-potty training class where he died; his name was wiped from Vietnamese history books, but his tell-tale scent hangs low over modern Saigon.
Related figures: Winnie the Pooh, Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Amanda Huggenkis
Amanda Gropen Huggenkis is a shop assistant in New York. She is currently with the K-Mart string of supermarkets, and works 2-10 5 days a week. She is confirmed bisexual, and is known for her bisexual threesomes.
Mike Hunt
Michael Kenneth Hunt was a British artillery officer in World War I. He served honorably, earning Her Majesty's Royal Flying Rat's Ass for valor and hygiene.
While in the service, he invented Catsup. It became the foundation of the Hunt's Catsup Company, which he founded with his brother, Hercules Hunt, often called "Herc" by his closest friends. His famous dispute with William Heinz led to the landmark court case, Ketchup v. Catsup. (Later Hunt and Heinz put their differences aside to take on their common rival, French mustard magnate Grey Poupon).
After leaving the Army, Mike Hunt went on to become internationally famous for his sexual orientation skills. A famous sportswriter of the day noted, "if there's a G-spot in the bush, Mike Hunt has it."
In 1969, Mike Hunt was re-united with his long lost half-brother I.C. York-Hunt.
Ustrokeet Islewatch
Ustrokeet Islewatch (Jan 21, 1904 - Feb 30 1998)Inadvertently discovered the formula for jet fuel when Lowe's refused to sell him tarnish at a bulk discount price
Heywood Jablome
Cousin of Jack Meehov.
Ivan Jagginoff
He grew up on the harsh streets of Eaten, NY and has slowly overcome his illness of knowledge. He has worked on the Manhattan Project as a janitor and has remained single for the majority of his life, mostly due to the fact that that those who he dates run away at the mention of his name.
Hugh Jass
Hugh Perrin Jass, born October 25th, 1971, is well known as the drummer of the hit metal band Watership of a Down. He never completed secondary school...... or puberty.
Hugh Jaynus
Relative of Hugh Jass. Noted for his seminal research into Leaf blowers.
William Kunstler
A well-known American civil rights lawyer, Kunstler lobbied hard for the deportation of racists, fascists, apologists and Poles to Australia where, he reasoned, they have no right to be fussy who they accept, being all descended from criminals.
Kunstler was raised in New York by Porn magnate Hugh Hefner on his famous Playboy Mansion "The Pussy Palace" and was once mistaken for a bunny girl and shot by Dick Cheney.
Kyle Mo Lester
A child advocate and well known hater of pedophiles. He believes children are the future.
Phil Latio
Philip Ulysses Latio was born in London in 1952. He is most widely known for the success of his band Who Love Cheesy Poos.
Hung Lo
Shanda Lear
Shanda Lear (born April 9, 1962) is the illegitimate daughter of hardware store mogul Seelin Phan and country singer Crystal Shandha Lear.
Shanda is a journalist of some notoriety, having published a number of freelance music reviews in major publications, including Rolling Stone, Ladies Home Journal and Swank. This is fortunate, as she can't sing a decent note out of any of her major orifices, and thinks that the difference between between a 5 penny nail (5d) and a 10 penny nail (10d) is 5 cents.
Ms. Lear is often found hanging around the foyer of the swankiest hotels, in the hope of stumbling onto a story about the rich and famous. It was utilising this method that she first broke the news about the Britney Spears/Kids from Fame affair.
Fun Fact: Her review of the final album by concept-band Lobe is credited with lobotomizing their career.
She has been quoted in such prestigious articles as, Lobe, Stench, To Be Announced, and Wildeboys.
Connie Lingus
Skilled in art magazines and an avid lesbian, this woman of the early 20's found prominence in licking her adversaries and making feminine rights a priority in her career. She would pass on her knowledge to many, in the hopes to spread the awareness of disease ridden poon.
Mike Litteris
President of Greece. He married Jessica York who is now known as Jessica York-Litteris.
Hugh Lovett-Upyuraz
A famous impostor of the 1920's, Lovett-Upyuraz convinced the very top levels of society that he was:
- The Shah of Iran
- Albert Einstein
- Brian Epstein
- A Mongol horde
- Himself
- Someone else pretending to be himself
- Another great impostor pretending to be Harry Houdini
- A stick insect
Phyllis McCracken
The female half of a famous musical hall duo with partner Ben Dover. Ben Dover and Phyllis McCracken became the Dave Smith and Jane Brown of their day, and played to audiences well into the double figures all over the North East of Poland.
Uliqa M'diq
A known terrorist with links to Al-Qaeda. Also known as Uwana M'Diq and Usuqa M'Diq.
Jack Meehov
Jack Meehov was a famous politician involved in the charge of the light brigade in 1284. He was well known for his sharp wit and keen hand action. He never left his office without a box of tissues.
Jack Mehogof
Jack Mehogof was last seen wandering the halls of Montezuma looking for Phyllis McCracken and Ben Dover both of whom made him stand up and spout like a tea kettle. Was famous for his bi-directional bend.
Phil Mianus
Phil Mianus and his half-brother, Finn Gurr-Mianus, were the inventors of Uphill Gardening. Famed for puddle-jumping, batting for the other team in the Rider's Cup and being good with colours, the brothers grim legacy continues to this day in gardens across the world; women are still not permitted to partake in uphill gardening.
See Mihn
Jack Meehov's cousin who is normally with him. Since he is hard of hearing and a bit lonely when you call Jack Meehov he shows up also.
Kash Muni
Kash Muni is the famous president of India, and therefore many chicks throw themselves at him. Despite his lavish name, he is dirt poor like his fellow countrymen.
Holden McGroin
Paul Mycock
Born in Reading, England in 1984, this chap has a brother called Phil and they live in the town of Newark in England.
Cari Mysak
Only female in the world who has testicles. She is also well known for nude singing. She has adopted/stolen three Romanian crack babies, which on occasion perform along with her in her late night shows.
D.P. Ncyeder
The inventor of both dental floss and the thong bikini. He claimed that the beachwear invention was inspired by his first invention, but could not, or would not, explain how. He often claimed to be both the cause and the solution for the old problem of pubic hairs in one's teeth.
Jen Nettles
Dixie Normous
A woman distinguished by the unfortunate and seemingly unexplainable bulge in her pants, Dixie worked in pant sales which became more and more difficult with each predeceasing erection. Trying to cover up her fleshly secret, she tried to convince potential customers that she had a "groin tumor". Customers actually found this to be more repulsive than a dick, so her work suffered tremendously. Coming to the realization that she had very little potential in a market that required women to be penisless, Dixie went to school to try to pursue a career in graphic design. Her studies were moving fluently until The Great Lockdown Drill of May 2005. Dixie, as claustrophobic as she was (you'd be claustrophobic to if you had a steak snake crawling up your Levis) was forced to find herself in a position where she involuntarily was brushed up against a fellow student. Praying that it was just a highlighter or elongated vagina, the student moved closer due to a condition of uncontrollable curiosity. Feeling all the nooks and crannies of Dixie's dick area. Judging by the subtleties and ridges, the student amassed that it could be none other than a meat market of hose flesh setting up shot in ones undergarments. The student yelled from the top of his lungs, provoking the mass murderer responsible for the lockdown drill. Equipped with a flame torch and no regrets, the torchman took to the room like a python around Brady Barr's almost hairy legs, leading to the death of Dixie, and several others.
Mike Oxlong
Michael 'I'm Not Short' Oxlong, born in Ajax, Ontario, is a known member of the communist party. At the wee age of 3, Mr. Oxlong had already impregnated 17 women, one of which being your mother. Feeling rather depressed and hard-done by, he turned to drugs and alcohol. Mr. Oxlong spent the next 13 years of his life drinking, smoking pot, and impregnating more women. He then contracted the STD progressive rock and was changed forever. He quit drugs (the crappy ones, anyway), stopped drinking (excessively), and went on to be one of the worlds most famous communists. Mr. Oxlong most famous for his epic battle against Rasputin, known as a rooster-duel. Surprisingly, he won. Mr. Oxlong is also noted for his rather large family, which is estimated to be half of Russia.
Mike Oxbigg
Known to stretch the boundaries of good taste, the experience of meeting Mike Oxbigg has been referred to as "filling!" and "deeply satisfying", earning him the nick name "Mr. Goodbar".
Anita P.
The Latin American rap and other rubbish music star Anita P. is famous for hits such as "I'm gonna have your baby (or someone's)" and "If I bend over will you drive me home?". Recently accused of using sex to sell her records she replied "Do you wanna see my knockers? Is that what it takes for you to stop with the accusations?" which totally scotched that rumour.
Gaylord Perry
House of Lords member and bon vivant. Famous for leading the foray into North Africa to 'fix them sumbitchin nigras'. He was a third cousin once removed of Gaylord Fokker. Not to be confused with Journey frontman Steve "Lord, is he gay or what?" Perry.
Pyuck Meei
He world renowned dice player. He participated in last year's international world dice tournement. However, he (like the rest of the players) was robbed at this event. Let's face it, dice games get robbed.
Phyuck Yiu
Phyuck Yiu was the once leader of the great Republic of Stan during the great Stanian Empire around 7200BC. He was superseded by his son Phyuck Yiu II, who was overthrown by Yura Ashtinx, causing the Great Pie War. Phyuck Yiu was known to be one of the kindest, gentlest tyrants to ever rule the Stanian countryside, and anyone that remembers him nowadays is probably a ghost or something, because that was like 9000 years ago, and nobody lives that long.
Manley Powers
British navel admiral, he is known as the sexiest man on the Seven Seas. He regularly foils the plots of evil pirates and squid and always gets the girl in the end.
Hugh G. Rection
Hugh Geoffrey Rection was born on the 21st February 1967, as the son of a fish merchant and a seamstress in North London. During much of his teenage life, he was taunted and bullied because of his name, and later developed manic depression and personality disorders. After attempting suicide 3 times, he was admitted to a Mormon health clinic, which changed Hugh's life.
Currently, he works as a fertility consultant in east Manchester, while occasionally moonlighting as a porn star. His faith in Mormonism is still strong to this day.
Often mistaken for Hung Lo, the famous East Asian banker.
Dixie Recht
Invented Viagra
Mike Rotch
Mike Rotch is a Philadelphia native and long time resident. He is the assistant work manager at Big Crauch's Homeware Depot.
Constance Schiltz
Heir to the Schlitz family's beer brewing empire, Constance Schlitz is a member of the Washington DC bar and one of the United States experts on waste management regarding clean water issues. Know to her friends as Connie, Schlitz is the wife of I.P. Freeley (supra).
Eric Shin
According to his official biography, Eric Shin was born in Hong Dong, China. Not much else about him is known other than that he prefers to stand and likes all things firm. He also hates vacations at Lake Flaccid.
Justin Sider
Contrary to popular belief, Justin Sider did not die in the Great War. However, his skin was stolen by the young Joseph Stalin, who made it into a coat. He lived for many years by stealing the skins of others, and currently resides somewhere in Oprah Winfrey.
E. Norma Snockers
Vassily Sonovabich
Possibly the most famous Russian ever. Born in 2139 AD, he travelled back in time to become Stalin's most trusted right hand man. That was before being sent to a gulag for laughing when Stalin farted.
R. Soul
Robbie Soul is the younger brother of singer David Soul. He causes pandemonium in workplaces and airports when paged to phone someone or come to the meeting point. 'Will Mr R. Soul please come immediately to the Al Qaeda ticket desk'
Harry Sphincter
Harold Ault Sphincter (b. 9 Aug 1947), MD., PhD, DVM, WTF.
A graduate of Yale University, Harry was a well respected proctologist who ventured into the bowels of freelance journalism, rooting deeply to find stories where other writers feared to look.
He is perhaps best known for his probing work for The Washington Post, where he snuck in the back door after repeatedly being denied entry, by way of his slippery handiwork and forceful influence.
He rather bluntly acknowledges some of his earlier work as "shitty", but his sheer dedication to the task at hand has delivered firm and regular output in recent years.
Seaman Stains
Seaman Ted M. Stains (April 25, 1923 – June 14, 1945) was an American sailor during the Second World War. He served aboard the USS Cum starting in September 1942. He was killed in action on June 14, 1945 during a surprise Godzilla attack off the coast of Japan. The unfortunate incident occurred because the seaman arrived prematurely and thought the threat was gone, instead Godzilla arrived and the motley crew were taken by surprise as they realised they still needed to perform. This event is, however, celebrated by those Japanese who are part of the Church of Godzilla.
Ima Stinkwhore
Chuck Leopold Sunshine
His interests are cats, watercolor painting, and saving wayward dolphins. He also eats children's souls. Chuck was born in the small town of Mianus and grew up in a normal household. He has two sisters, Mia Haets Sunshine and Rainn Anne Sunshine. He now Waterskis professionally for a church orgainizaiton in Loogieville, Louisiana.
Sum Yung Gai
brother of Sum Ting Wong
Born in the Xinjiang province of China, he is an accomplished chef well-known for his Chinese and French cooking. He is currently working as Iron Chef China on the Iron Chef show on TV's Food Network. His signature dish is a thick, white-ish soup called "Cream of Sum Yung Gai".
Peter Ian Staker
P I Staker comes from many places. So many in fact noone actually knows where he lives. There have been reports of more than one person of this name apearing at a same time. !WEIRD!
Tudick Synsider
Was originally going to be a part of the Mickey Mouse Club, but was replaced by a white queer because of her name.
Jenna Talia
Jennifer Elayne Talia was named after Jennifer Lopez and was born in 1982. At the age of 15 her sexual organs began growing dramatically in size and soon took over most of her body. That's not hot, and when she got genital warts and genital herpes, everyone could see it. She stayed home and cried until her expanding vagina ate her eyes and swallowed her tears. She then followed in her fathers footsteps, and became president of the United States of Australia.
Hugh G. Throbbincock
Named after a relative Hugh G. Rection.
Dick Trainor
Principal of King's College London.
Dick Trickle
America's winningest NASCAR driver with 1000+ wins. Named after father, grandfather, great grandfather, and so on. Also has a son named Dick Trickle, Jr.
Eric Tyle
Scientist who discovered Eric Tyle's disfunction, and inventor of Viegra.
Isaac Urcock
Famous multi-millionaire in the stock market.
Sumb Ussay
The star of many Bollywood features, this young actor is revered throughout his wild culture. Growing up in the dank, wet, forests of Southern China, was kidnapped and instructed in the ways of acting after an Indian agent witnessed his entrancing cunnilingus routine.
Isla Vass
Noted for her work in the field of nude sculpture.
Vihn Job
Known for his work in Fast and Firious and other things pretaining to Rims.
Chuck Wagon
Culinary pioneer of the Wild West.
Walter Wallcarpet
Claims to have been laid in almost every bedroom in southern Britain.
Mary Wana
Mary J. Wana is the wife of Ben Hitten-Dabong, sister of S. Moe Kablunt, S. Moe King-Weede, S. Norton-Coke, A. Sid Tripp, L. Esdee, P. Seapy. Also a very distant cousin of Chris Talmeth.
Kunting Wang
Student (female) at Cambridge University.
Harry Woodcock
World famous Nigerian philanthropist
Wi Phukem Yung
Author of The Overpopulation of China
Will U. Jackmeov
Russian painter
Kebert Xela
Just saying his name backwards will send him back to the fifth dimension where he belongs.
I.C. York-Hunt
Ichabod Cornelius York-Hunt (born April 1, 1913) was the bastard son of British industrialist, Woddick Hunt (who was also Mike Hunt's father) and his long-time mistress, Sarah York, the Duchess of Lancaster, New Jersey. His paternal grandfather was the distinguished linguist U.R.A. Effink-Hunt, and his fifth cousin is Yurek Hunt-Tue. Despite the fact that news of his affair might hurt his reputation, the elder Hunt wished for his son to be recognized as a member of his family, and told the Duchess he would pay child support only under the condition that she give him the Hunt surname. To avoid a lengthy transatlantic court battle she agreed to compromise and hyphenate the boy's name.
Since Ichabod is such a weird name, and the nickname Ike is hardly much better (not to mention Cornelius and any possible nicknames for that) the child was often taunted by his schoolmates. As a teenager he decided to start referring to himself by his initials, and the name I.C. became his moniker throughout the rest of his life.
Unlike his more famous half-brother, Mike, I.C. never excelled at much during his formative years. He was only average at school, not particularly good at sports, and had no artistic talent to speak of. This was particularly hard on him since he bore a striking resemblance to, and was often mistaken for, his half-brother – people often remarked that I.C. York-Hunt looks just like Mike Hunt.
As a young adult he tried to get away from it all turning to drugs, becoming a beatnik, and hitchhiking across the country. In 1952, he stumbled into a Las Vegas casino and decided to try his luck at poker. It turned out that he was a natural at it, and having finally found his niche, York-Hunt decided to become a professional poker player. He quickly won a gazillion dollars.
The leaders of the Soviet Union saw him as a symbol of all that was wrong with American capitalism. They staged an international poker tournament in 1969 and invited York-Hunt hoping that Soviet poker experts could win some of his ill-gotten loot for the politburo people. I.C. was only able to win a few thousand rubles, though, before the Russians realized no one could beat him and brought false charges of espionage against him, which they agreed to drop on condition that he return the money and never set foot on Soviet territory again. However, his trip to Soviet Russia did have one positive note: for the first time he was able to meet the half-brother who had been his hero while growing up. It just so happened that Mike Hunt had business to conduct within the Soviet Union (he was trying to persuade Soviet officials that Hunt's catsup should replace Heinz' ketchup as the tomato condiment of choice behind the Iron Curtain). As fate would have it, he had a meeting with Soviet officials whose timing coincided with the poker tournament. Mike set up a meeting with his half-brother by sending the following brief telegram:
In Soviet Russia, Mike Hunt sees YOU!
York-Hunt was eventually banned for life from all poker games in the known universe for being too damn good and making it impossible for anyone else to win, ever. Nonetheless, his legacy lives on in the form a poker term having been named for him – I.C. York-Hunt is now the phrase poker players use to mean I agree to match your wager of 50 dollars (or pounds, euros, yen, cigarettes, camel turds, or whatever the local currency is). For example, to say I agree to match your bet of fifty, and increase the amount being wagered by 100, a poker player would say "I.C. York-Hunt and Ray Z. Ewan-Hugh G. Rection."
Note that the aforementioned people are of no relation to the late Mughal Emperor, Ivor Salik-Hunt, nor his wife, Isa Salik-Hunt.
Related figures: I.C. London, I.C. France, I can see your underpants!
Yura Dwad
The Chinese representative in the UN.
Mubahl Zizary
Mubahl Alisatra Zizary (March 20 1976 to --)
One of the pioneering members of New York society, Zizary pioneered and spearheaded a large force in 1985 against the now-defunct law that all yellow-related transportation commissioners must be able to speak English, claiming that the statute invaded on their first amendment of free speech; forcing any citizen to learn the language of another culture shackled them to that culture, despite the importance or power of these proverbial shackles. When questioned, American-born P.R. motorists had no comment; scientists have begun studies to find if any such employees exist at all (the results should be made available to our sources by 2008, when George W. Bush returns to his forte as an ecological anthropologist to aid the effort.)
Zizary, furious with his diction coach, assembled a large mob of 200,000 saffron transport technicians and stormed the Almighty Consulate of Moving People in New Fork City. The group immediately began marching around the consulate building, tearing mailboxes from the ground and tossing them at cars passing the movement. After surviving nearly 3 days under siege, the Almighty Consulate finally ran out of spare shoes and quarters for the coffee machine, and gave in to the force outside. They created an open-floor debate for the mob and the consulate; due to the group's inability to speak English, the Consulate simply vetoed the oppressive law to stop their babbling.
To this day, the Vermilion Populous Drivers' Union owes their heritage to Mubahl Zizary, a man who had the courage and the cultural pride to totally ignore the law and fight our government. Such heroism would be echoed by such great leaders as Martin Luther King, Jr., time-traveling Lincoln, and of course That guy, who led the Psychadelic Revolution of 2158. Oh, what a day that was...
The Butz Brothers
- Seymour Butz
- Harry Butz
- I.C. Butz
- "Stinky" Butz
- Hugh Jass Butz
- J-Lo Butz
- Reginald "Cigarette" Butz
The Gay Clan
The Gay Clan of Jacksonville, Florida were noted for having several members of their group fighting during the Vietnam War. In addition, they were noted for being entirely uncreative in their names. Members of the family who served in the conflict included:
Admiral Abe Lee Gay
- USCG - The only member of the family to have Lee as a middle name rather than a first name. Serving in the Coast Guard during the entirety of the Vietnam War, he retired in 1975 as a Rear Admiral. He spent the 1980s and 1990s engaged in piracy off of Cape Butt, the former Rear Admiral was known to be the most fierce of the so-called "Butt Pirates". However, with the War on Terror, Rear Admiral Abe Lee Gay reenlisted into the Coast Guard where he was promoted to a full admiral in recognition of his considerable experience. When questioned on whether he thought the Coast Guard would get much action, Gay said, "Well it seems like the gooks are now wearing towels, they must have got wet somewhere."
General Lee Gay
- USA - General Lee Gay served with distinction during the Vietnam War, receiving many purple hearts for being wounded by friendly fire. He is still serving in the US Army, currently stationed at the Abu Ghraib Freedom Camp.
Major Lee Gay
- USMC - Major Lee Gay joined the US Marine Corps late in the Vietnam War and did not see much action during that conflict. Later serving in the 1st Gulf War where he was noted for trying to defect to the Iraqi Republican Guard. When asked about his decision to defect later, he said quote "Those Democrats (refering most of the men in his unit) were just not Gay enough (refering the code of ethics of the Gay Clan), now those Republican (Guards) they were a real Gay bunch."
Private Lee Gay
- USA - Unlike his dad the Major who volunteered for the service, Private Lee Gay was drafted into the service. In a show of great cowardice he hid in a closet during the Tet Offensive.
Seaman Lee Gay
- USN - Seaman Lee Gay's service in the Vietnam conflict proved quite short as he was killed in the Gulf of Tonkin by Mutant Sea Bass.


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In the 14th century, Geoffrey Chaucer wrote the "Canterbury Tales." It takes places on a pilgrimage to Canterbury Cathedral in England, much like a listener's story we're going to share with you now. It's part of a little summer series we call...
SIEGEL: ...Horror Stories.
DEBORAH FORRESTER: My name is Deborah Forrester. My husband, John Brown, is English. We are in our middle to late 70s. We've been physicians taking care of the poor in East L.A. for over 40 years. Our vacation horror story occurred a couple of years ago. I had wanted to walk part of the Pilgrim's Way and then arrive in Canterbury and look at the Canterbury Cathedral the way the pilgrims did from Chaucer's time.
So we packed our bags. We went to LAX. We got there the required two hours early to get through security. And it always takes my husband a long time to get through security. He has to take off his belt, and he has to take off his bracelet and his watch and his necklace and his shoes. So I get through and dressed before he's halfway done. And his watch was in my shoe tray, so I handed him his watch. He put that on, got his belt on. And we went off to the Admiral's Club to have a beer for him and a glass of wine for me.
We had been there about an hour. These four airport police came up to the bar, pointed to my husband and said, is that your watch? And he said, well, if it's got the Swiss Army logo on it, it's mine. So he looked at it, and it didn't have the Swiss Army logo. It wasn't his. So he took it off, and he said, I don't know where this came from. And I said, well, it was in the tray with my shoes. I assumed it was yours. It looks like yours. The armband is exactly that same accordion armband. The color's the same. So he gave it back to the police. And they said, come with me.
FORRESTER: We were handcuffed, shoved into the back of two different patrol cars and zoomed out of the airport to a local, very small jail. By the time I got there, I entered the building, and my husband was shackled with leg irons. And they shoved me into this cement solitary. And after an hour, they unlocked me, took me out of solitary. And as I left, the sergeant at the desk was sitting there, so I said to the sergeant, what are they booking us for? He says, grand theft for you and receiving stolen property for your husband.
FORRESTER: Bail was 40,000 and then we had to have an attorney, so we went to the judge. And the judge, I thought, would say, you know, this was ridiculous. Instead, the judge said, well, I hope you learned your lesson and next time, when you go through, you will be more careful.
CORNISH: Listener Deborah Forrester of Malibu, California. By the way, she had forgotten that she'd put her husband's real watch into her own carry-on just before they went through security. The couple flew to England three days later. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

subset: commoncrawl


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If the GOP wants to win more black votes, it will need to get a lot more "racist."
The scare quotes are necessary because I don't think the Republican Party is racist now (and, historically, the GOP has a lot less to answer for than the Democratic Party does).
But that hasn't stopped a lot of people from slandering Republicans as racist for one reason or another.
Right now, many in Washington -- particularly the leadership of the Congressional Black Caucus -- insist that Republican attacks on U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice are racist and, yawn, sexist. The basis for this claim is that some Republicans are calling Rice unfit for the soon-to-be-vacated job of secretary of state. More specifically, they're cross with Rice for what they contend to be her dishonest and incompetent handling of the Benghazi scandal.
And, because Rice is a black woman, well, blah, blah, blah Racism! Sexism!
Never mind that Republicans haven't had a white secretary of state since Lawrence Eagleburger concluded his term two decades ago. Never mind that Republicans appointed the first black secretary of state ever (Colin Powell) and the first black female secretary of state ever (Condoleezza Rice, arguably the star of the GOP convention in August).
Also, never mind that Rice's handling of Benghazi -- and several other matters -- can quite defensibly be dubbed incompetent.
But that doesn't stop Democrats or liberal pundits from crying racism.
Just consider some recent examples from over the summer. When Mitt Romney visited Michigan, he joked about not needing a birth certificate to prove he was from there. Not very funny? OK, sure. Poor taste? Eh, maybe, I guess. "The basest and the most despicable bigotry we might be able to imagine"? Errr, no. And yet that's what one respected "expert" on race, Michael Eric Dyson, called it on MSNBC. Rather than show some skepticism at the claim, MSNBC host Alex Wagner agreed that Romney was "scraping the very bottom of this sort of racist other-ist narrative."
At the GOP convention, MSNBC host Chris Matthews explained that "Chicago" was a racially loaded code word. Fellow host Lawrence O'Donnell said Republican convention speakers were reaching "for every single possible racial double entendre they can find." His sole proof? Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell made a joke about Obama playing a lot of golf.
Now, the cynical motivations behind this relentless drone of slander and stupidity are too numerous to count. Such moral bullying makes white liberals feel better about themselves. It scares moderates and centrists away from the Republican Party, and it no doubt helps dissuade wavering blacks from even thinking about giving the GOP an honest look. Obviously, it helps boost black voter intensity on Election Day. It also does wonders to stifle journalists terrified of having their racial bona fides questioned in any way. And it helps a feckless left-wing black political class explain away their own failures. Racial slander is like duct tape: There's no limit to what you can do with it.
It's worth pointing out that such slander isn't used to get blacks to vote Democratic in the first place. They already do that.
But can you imagine how much worse it will get if Republicans actually do reach out to black community (as they should)?
One of the points of racial slander is to signal that only liberal policies are guaranteed to be non-racist (even when such policies were forged with racist intent, like the Davis-Bacon Act). This is why the Congressional Black Caucus insists on calling itself the "conscience of the Congress."
That's why policies like school choice are routinely denounced as racist, even though they are largely aimed at improving the lives of inner-city blacks trapped in bad schools. Teachers unions don't like school choice, ergo it's racist.
Any serious attempt by the GOP to win black votes won't involve Republicans copycatting liberal policies. It will require going over the heads of the black and white liberal slanderers to offer a sincere alternative to failed liberal policies on schools, poverty, crime, etc. The more effective that effort, the more the GOP will be called racist.
When Romney, whose father marched with Martin Luther King Jr., spoke to the NAACP, Michael Tomasky of the Daily Beast dubbed him a "race-mongering pyromaniac," primarily for using the term "Obamacare" -- a term Barack Obama used himself.
Just imagine the desperate, pathetic attacks in store for a more effective Republican.


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Maazel died at Castleton Farms from complications following pneumonia, according to a statement by The Castleton Festival, an annual festival Maazel founded with his wife in 2009. Maazel was rehearsing and preparing for the festival at the time of his death, and the death also was announced on Maazel's official website.
Known for his relentless energy and passion for precision, Maazel guided nearly 200 orchestras in at least 7,000 opera and concert performances during 72 years at the podium, according to a biography posted on his website.
Maazel, an American born in Paris in 1930, took his first violin lesson at age 5. A dazzling prodigy, he was 7 when he was invited by Arturo Toscanini to conduct the NBC Symphony. His New York Philharmonic debut came five years later, in 1942. By age 15, he had conducted most of the major American orchestras. At 16, he entered the University of Pittsburgh to study language, mathematics and philosophy and played the violin with the Pittsburgh Symphony to help pay his tuition.
In 1960, at age 30, he became the first American to conduct at the Bayreuth Festival in Germany. He served as artistic director and chief conductor of the Deutsche Oper Berlin for five years starting in 1965.
He was music director of the Cleveland Orchestra from 1972 to 1982. He then served briefly as general manager, artistic director and principal conductor of the Vienna State Opera, the first American to do so. He was also music director of the Pittsburgh Symphony from 1988 to 1996.
Maazel also was music director of the Symphony Orchestra of the Bavarian Radio for about a decade until 2002. That year, he was chosen to replace Kurt Masur as music director of the New York Philharmonic — America's oldest orchestra. Maazel served there for seven years and was with the orchestra at the time of its landmark visit to Pyongyang, North Korea in 2008.
"I am deeply saddened and shocked by the news of Lorin Maazel's death," New York Philharmonic Music Director Alan Gilbert said in an emailed statement. "For decades he was a major force in the musical world, and truly an inspiration for generations of American musicians."
Gilbert added: "Personally, I am grateful to him, not only for the brilliant state of the Orchestra that I inherited from him, but for the support and encouragement he extended to me when I took over his responsibilities."
A free concert scheduled Monday in Central Park will be dedicated to Maazel, the New York Philharmonic said in the statement.
Dominique Mayer, director of the Vienna State Opera, also said in an emailed statement that he was deeply saddened by Maazel's passing.
"I knew Lorin Maazel as a versatile artist, magnificent conductor and a ... fine person," Mayer said, calling his work "inspiring."
Maazel also was a composer, although to lesser acclaim. His first opera, "1984," based on George Orwell's novel, met with largely negative reviews.
Maazel founded the Castleton Festival to mentor young musicians and to bring new energy to classical music with performances showcasing young talent. Maazel told the audience on the opening night of this year's festival on June 28 that working with young artists was "more than a labor of love — a labor of joy," the festival's statement said.
Maazel made more than 300 recordings, including works by Beethoven, Brahms, Debussy, Mahler, Schubert, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff, and Richard Strauss. He won 10 Grand Prix du Disques, according to his website.
In addition to his wife Dietlinde Turban Maazel, the conductor is survived by four daughters, three sons and four grandchildren.
He was the second leading conductor to die in 2014 following the death in January of Italian conductor Claudio Abbado, 80, who had held major posts at La Scala in Milan, the Vienna State Opera and the Berlin Philarmonic, among others.


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Talk about an unlikely recipe for success — a cable network dedicated to... food?
It may not seem even a little preposterous today, but when Food Network launched 20 years ago America was sitting at a very different dinner table. After all, this was before we'd learned to fetishize cupcakes, before Instagram made our every mouthful a shared experience, before vegetables had cult followings.
And yet this backwater network launched, plunking cameras in front of chefs — many of them truly not ready for prime time — and hoping for the best.
The gamble paid off. Two decades on, the Food Network has morphed beyond a television station that teaches us how to cook (more about that in a moment). It has become a lifestyle, a marketing behemoth turning chefs — and home cooks — into household names even, if not especially, with people who never cook.
"It surprised me at first. But I think now, it doesn't surprise me," longtime network star Bobby Flay said Thursday at a party to celebrate the 20-year milestone during the New York Wine and Food Festival.
When the network launched, Americans didn't take food seriously. Less than a decade later, a culinary awakening — fueled in part by the network itself — allowed Food Network to succeed, Flay said.
Food Network didn't invent the food celebrity — the fame of James Beard, Julia Child and others predate it by decades — but it codified it into an industry. And it did so with such efficiency, spawning the likes of Flay, Rachael Ray, Tyler Florence and Emeril Lagasse, that other networks were left scrambling.
In many ways, the network was in the right place at the right time. To Giada De Laurentiis, star of "Giada at Home" among other shows, the right time was 9/11 and the nesting instinct it triggered in so many Americans.
"I truly believe my success is because of 9/11. Had it not been for 9/11, I don't know that I would be here," she said. "It made them think twice about what was important in life."
Today, of course, food television is a crowded field. Bravo helped redefine the reality segment with "Top Chef" and its various spinoffs. Gordon Ramsay spouts fire on Fox. ABC gave food a golden hour of daytime chat with "The Chew." Even CNN and Travel Channel have pulled up a chair, snatching up Food Network alum Anthony Bourdain.
Still, Food Network — one of many lifestyle brands owned by Scripps Networks Interactive — touts enviable numbers, reaching some 100 million U.S. households, never mind programming in more than 150 countries around the world. It has its own magazine, its own lines of cookware and kitchen gear. Want Food Network wine or tablecloths? There's a product for that.
Of course, that's broad strokes history. There's also plenty in those 20 years the network would rather forget. Paula Deen (conspicuously absent from the party) speaking her mind, anyone? Or not minding her diabetes. And there's Robert Irvine's little resume flub (the "Dinner: Impossible" star was fired for fabricating some of the more fantastic parts of his resume, but later returned with "Restaurant: Impossible"). Meanwhile, lower-tier talent love to grumble about stranglehold contracts that give the network near complete control over budding careers.
And then there's the profitability algorithm, which goes something like: less cooking equals more viewers and sizzling ad dollars. It actually took years for the network to get profitable. And many say it did so by turning its back on some if its own fans and stars.
In those early red ink years, the network was known mostly for food television with a how-to attitude aimed at people who cook. But on television, personality trumps talent, entertainment trounces know-how. That spelled the demise of shows with chefs offering teachable moments at the stove.
To Irvine, it was a smart — and necessary — choice.
"We've all got choices now. And our choices are very, very different from what they were 10 years ago, 20 years ago," he said. "The television world has become so cutthroat, they've got to continue coming up with better programing."
So shows like Sara Moulton's easy paced "Cooking Live" gave way to frenetic competitions like "Iron Chef," "Chopped" and "Rachael vs. Guy." The switch from chefs to personalities, from information to entertainment, got ratings and advertisers, but triggered an MTV-style backlash.
Just as the music network was ridiculed for letting videos die, Food Network was ribbed for favoring reality TV over real cooking. Bourdain practically launched his post-Food Network career by bashing it — as well as some of its less pedigreed stars.
In response, much as MTV launched sister networks to recover its lost ground, Food Network in 2010 created The Cooking Channel, a back-to-basics, edgier sibling.
What about the next 20 years? It's hard to imagine Americans tuning out food-as-entertainment. But that doesn't mean Food Network gets an easy ride. Some of their biggest properties are feeling stale, have been shown the door (Lagasse, for example), or in Deen's case simply imploded on their own.
Meanwhile, Food Network hasn't launched a major celebrity since Guy Fieri won "The Next Food Network Star" in 2006, a lifetime ago in TV years.
"I think that Food Network is trying desperately to evolve," said De Laurentiis. "They cannot stay the same. There is so much competition that there wasn't 20 years ago when they started.
"They're trying to evolve into something. They just are not sure what the next step is yet. They'll get there."
AP Food Editor J.M. Hirsch tweets as @JM_Hirsch


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Epacket + Tracking Number for USA,
China air mail + Tracking number for rest of the world
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Estimated Delivery Time: 10-25 days (Rest of the world)
Note: Shipping time depending on different destinations, holiday season maybe take longer to arrive. If you need express delivery, please contact with me.
If you purchase 10 pcs or more, we will ship via fast express (3-7 days) for you.
The policy contents are as follows.I gladly accept refund, exchange and cancellation. Just contact me within: 7 days of delivery.
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Condtions of return
Buyers are responsible for return shipping costs. If the item is not returned in its original condition, the buyer is responsible for any loss in value.


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A bunch of DiSsers went to Brighton this weekend for the annual Great Escape shebang. We hosted three nights of music (all of which was filmed, and we'll be running bits of it over the coming weeks and months), drank a few beers and watched some bands and solo musicians and electro dudes and all sorts.
In this review of the festival, we've not tried to cover everything (there were well over 300 acts, after all). Instead, what you'll find below is DiS' editor's picks of the weekend (that's me writing this intro, hello!), but first, DiS' David Edwards who trekked down from Manchester shares his picks of the weekend...
David Edwards
My first time ever in Brighton and my first Great Escape, and I left having been hugely impressed by both. It's hard not to be taken in by Brighton's charm: full of atmosphere, vibrancy and energy. And the same proved true with the music over the weekend - the quality rarely dropping below a high class and calibre. I'd certainly do a few things differently next time, such as planning with caution rather than quantity in mind. This certainly proved a downfall at some points on the Saturday afternoon, where certain shows (Hey Sholay, Parma Violets) were nigh-on impossible to get into if you didn't have one of the ultra-delegate wristbands. And I'd certainly invest more time in checking out some of the further flung and Alternative Escape venues next time…some of the stuff at the fringe events was quite brilliant, but there were a couple of Brucie Bonuses attached to the weekend. Like finally getting to meet Michael Eavis and ramble to him about all the great/inspirational/drunken times I've spent on his farm. He's a lovely guy! No tip-offs about 2013's headliners, mind…
...and then on Saturday afternoon, myself and Drowned in Sound stalwart Dom Gourlay (you'll find his review over on ContactMusic) managed to put in a sterling performance alongside fellow music geeks Joel, Lorraine and Ian to clinch a hard-fought fourth place finish against sixteen other teams of assorted industry, media and TV types for John Robb's Pop Quiz (a sterling knowledge of Big Black, Dave Dee, steam-powered dildos and Girls Aloud assisting us along the way). Our prize? A copy of Duff McKagen's "It's So Easy (And Other Lies)" autobiography. So far (19 pages in) he's lost his virginity, christened Guns 'n' Roses tour jet by smoking crack with Slash on the runway and had his pancreas explode. This promises to be an entertaining read…
Ultimately, the schmoozing, boozing and losing of our sense of time all came second to the excellent music on offer. So here are my top five acts of The Great Escape 2012. Not in any sort of ranking. Just the order I scribbled them onto my phone while watching. This naturally, happens to be chronological. Funny that…
Zebra and Snake
(Green Door: Friday 00.45)
What you really need at the end of a long, busy, exhausting and perma-boozed afternoon is something with the illicit energy of a North Korean "secret warehouse" to revitalise and reinvigorate. And my word; Zebra and Snake didn't disappoint in that regard. They give us slutty, seductive and thrillingly dirty synth sounds rammed aggressively up against clattering, chugging bass and softer, almost cushioning beats. The collision between the three produces a sound that is simultaneously sensual, snarling and soothing. It's woozy but thrilling; challenging yet rewarding. The fact that the two of them seem so overtly focused on throwing everything they have at the tools of their creating while the front rows go off on one only adds to the sweat-soaked atmosphere as Day One draws its way towards a triumphant, euphoric and semi-revelatory conclusion as they oscillate between sonically cuffing and caressing us. That'll do just nicely, thank you very much! // zebraandsnake.com
(Life Bar: Saturday 18.00)
Me and FOE go back a while. Well, to October last year anyway (as in politics, that's a long time in music) when I saw her play her terrific brand of crunching and genre-bending pop-fuzz-punk to a handful of people in Manchester's Factory. After the show, I gabbled something nonsensical at her about how great she was and how small turnouts shouldn't put her off her vision. I may have sounded like an idiot at the time but on the back of her marvellous debut record Bad Dream Hotline, seeing Life crammed to capacity with folk waiting outside was a vindication of what she does. Except Hannah Clark and her band aren't happy to simply settle for this. Oh, no. Her Great Escape set was predominantly characterised by a wicked confidence in both sound and performance; the songs supercharged with spitting static and already assuming new forms and presentations. Her band have grown astronomically since I first witnessed them and almost seem to take the pressure off her; so impressive are they at wrapping a tarpaulin of sheer intensity and rock and roll bravado around what could otherwise end up as something whimsical. And as for Clark herself, she's developing that coquettish, maddeningly difficult to pin down, ultra-confident stage persona that denotes the borderline of "kooky" into "genuine star quality". She's so good, she even gets away with not playing 'Cold Hard Rock' in place of a new song that sounds like an intelligent and instantly memorable stride forward towards deserved mainstream attention. She's growing; the songs are growing; the performances are growing too – in both size and ambition. Turn the page and watch…this was superb. // foe-mania.tumblr.com
Odonis Odonis
(Coalition: Friday 19.15)
To upstage the epic live reputations afforded to We Were Promised Jetpacks and The Twilight Sad (both playing alongside them on the Fatcat Records stage) is no mean feat. But it's one that Odonis Odonis pulled off impeccably as the sun began to sink behind the skeletal frame Brighton Pier on Friday night. The Canadian band are almost like a re-interpretation of The Jesus and Mary Chain's Darklands album, as imagined by Queens of the Stone Age but with Joey Santiago guesting on guitar to drag the whole thing that bit closer to the surf. Singer Dean Tzenos' fuzzed-up and echoing cries perfectly juxtapose with a soft, ethereal backing that steps in when things become that little bit too confrontational. They've got influences pinned notably and clearly to their sleeve, sure. But should that really matter if the music and performance is this viscerally thrilling, jarring and (occasionally) terrifying? Not at all. A striking and intense show; perfectly kicking off an excellent line-up of bands stretching across the evening at Coalition. But on this occasion, the page-boys crashed the party… // odonisodonis.com
The Naturals
(Green Door: Saturday 13.30)
There is always one band at a festival who - having never even heard of before – you leave rabidly yammering about a) how brilliant they are and b) how everyone needs to hear them. For me, and for The Great Escape 2012, that band happen to be The Naturals from Bristol. Early morning in the cobblestoned stable atmosphere of The Green Door, what seemed a routine "let's check them out" turned into one of the highlights of the weekend. It's easy to detect overtones of Godspeed! You Black Emperor and early Hope of The States in their extraordinary ability to draw sheer blood, sweat and waves of heart-breaking memories from your soul with sound alone; it's easy to hear echoes of Foals, Battles and This Town Needs Guns in their ability to layer intense and hypnotic melodies, rhythms and patterns on top of each other. But what they do is all their own and the manner and confidence in which they make the stage incontrovertibly theirs is stunning. They finish the set on their knees conjuring up an overwhelming wave of feedback and effects from their multiple pedals, before leaping to their feet to crash seamlessly back into the song with twice the energy of before. My headache is gone; my hangover scampers for cover and I'm throwing myself around with a sheer joy for life and music. Absolutely magnificent. // FaceBook
Stealing Sheep
(Life Bar: Saturday 21.00)
What a glorious hybrid of strange wonder Stealing Sheep are. Three attractive, mysterious girls from Liverpool playing a triumvirate of Fender Stratocaster, Keyboards and thumping, blasted-heath standing percussion; the combination of which is an intensely heady sweet smoke of friend-bracelet entwined melodies; married to a complex and turbulent maelstrom of lo-fi growl and atmospheric bliss that becomes even more hypnotic and translucently beautiful after a time. What however, is even more impressive about Stealing Sheep is that they use these pretty garments to dress a frame of genuine substance. They have glorious folk-pop songs that carry sharp and intelligent twists with every measure. And in adding a truly unique sound and colour to this appreciation of great psychedelic pop music, they manage to stand out effortlessly from peers who simply think it's enough to turn up with a good look and a selection of pedals. Make no mistake; this is difficult music to create. Thankfully for us, it's also quite spellbinding to appreciate. // stealingsheep.co.uk
And as an extra, my pick of the acts from The Alternative Escape…
(The Queen's Head: Friday 20.30)
There are a slew of excellent bands (The Janice Graham Band, The Louche, Beat The Radar) reaching out beyond the traditional template of what Manchester can achieve with a guitar or two. But on this occasion, recent arrivals on the scene Shinies stole a march with a quite magnificent show downstairs in The Queen's Head. They belie their youth with a perfect understanding of the chemistry of colour-fuzz pop music over the last 20 years; concocting a muscular, ever-inventive and perfectly balanced hybrid of Dinosaur Jr., The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Teenage Fanclub and the more pop-orientated moments of The Pixies. But there's also (appropriately) a sense of the English seaside and a desire to escape in their music…a yearning which adds a turn and tone of melancholy to the otherwise bright and bold sound. Equally importantly, they know when to drop the cuter stuff and simply blow steam, with their songs often ending in a pummelling squall of feedback and reverb. Despite their status as relative newcomers, they're almost the full package even at this early stage and with songs this instantaneous, bold and confident, you can easily see them breaking through in the very near future. And if they do, they'll snag many a musical heart on their hooks. shinies.bandcamp.com
Sean Adams
I feel like some sort of Great Escape veteran. I've been to the festival every year since its inception in 2006, and DiS has hosted a stage every year too. By 'hosting' what I really mean is to-froing with the organizers for about six months, trying to put together a bill of bands from around the globe that we love. You could be grand and call it "curating" if you so wished. Essentially, it's a bit like playing fantasy festivals, only the thing actually happens. Obviously there isn't the budget for like Bjork supported by Aphex and Deftones. Not that that hasn't stopped us trying.
This year I ran around like a blue-ass fly, saw bands, chatted about the future of the music press on a panel, DJ'd a blog party, drank beer until the sun came up and ate a dodgy sausage (this is not a euphemism, but then when in Brighton...). These were the things I loved the most of the 30 or so acts I managed to catch...
Nils Frahm
Growing up as a skate-punk loving BMX-riding dweeb, I never thought I'd ever become the kind of guy who breaks down in tears to the sound of a piano. I didn't think I'd ever fall under the spell of music that plays with the shadows of silence. Maybe it was the utterly grand setting of a mini-cathedral (designed to make you feel humble), but this was one of the most moving things I'd ever seen/heard/felt. Incredible. I'm getting chills just thinking about it, and I think my heart genuinely aches after watching that ...the A Winged Victory for The Sullen set which followed was equally immense, but I felt absolutely emotionally drained after Nils' set, and that's the only reason why that isn't one of my picks too. Erased Tapes, happy fifth birthday, and thank you for bringing this beauty to Brighton.
Eight And a Half
I had a feeling this would be a highlight but I wasn't quite prepared for how widescreen the guitars would be. I mean, I should have anticipated that the man who wrote The Stills' debut album would bring some big U2-bothering guitar parts but the rhythms (Justin Peroff, what a dude!) and synth textures on their debut record had me thinking this would be far more slight. If you loved Burst Apart as much as I did last year, you need these Canadians in your life... My scribbled notes for the show simply read "underblown" and I think that just about sums it up.
Gemma Hayes
Gemma Hayes, on her own, with an acoustic guitar, and THAT VOICE. Breathtaking. Such a treat.
David said it all really above, but this was a great show and then some. Someone put FOE on the road with Uffie, The Kills, Metric, Paramore, and however else's crowd appreciates riffs that snarl, lyrics that bite and electrocuted melodies that fizzle in your mind the morning after. A truly unique and most definitely British talent.
Was a little bit bemused by these guys on record, but oh my gosh, live it's like some sort of psychedelic-stadium-rock-party. Think ...And You Will Know Us By the Entrails of Flaming Lips, and then double it. Pretty much exactly what every 'buzz' band should be live, with a slice of Beefheart on the side.
When Saints Go Machine
I'm not sure I can really pick a favourite band from DiS' bills but there was a moment during WSGM's set when limbs were flailing in all directions and the bass boomed through my chest, when I pretty much could have gone deaf for life and not cared a jot. It was a moment of pure elation. Bliss. Serious bliss from start to finish, especially when everything falls away and his voice crawls around the room like a pirate's cat, all Antony goo with ...Cuckoo Nest coos. This is everything you want a live show to be, but it was far too short, and I'm really sorry about that (not that it was DiS' fault, the gig in the venue before over-ran, which meant no-one really got a soundcheck, and the venue had to kick everyone out for a club after, so we couldn't steal extra time!)
New Look
My final pick is also from our Saturday night DiS bill (sorry, I did see other people's bills, but I guess I did really pick all my favourite acts of the past 12 months, so it's probably no surprise they were highlights). This husband-wife duo have been making my heart stop, quiver, shiver and fill with purply-pink pixelated joy for quite some time. Their mixture of ice cool Prince-ish rain, with the sort of science fiction rnb seemed perfect on Digital's dark dancefloor. For something so slight, this was so pulsating and powerful that the disco in my mind's eye was twirling throughout.
Kevin Perry
My five highlights of the weekend...
Spoek Mathambo
...played a South African Hip Hop reworking of Joy Division...?
...Samantha Urbani stalking through the crowd while singing Friend Crush - at the end of Brighton pier.
...playing Krautrock for the people
Grimes & her backing dancers losing their shit...
The first 20 minutes of College's DJ set being as transcendent a DJ set as I've seen since Daft Punk in 2007 (It got a bit drum-heavy for my taste towards the end)
We've shared ours... who were your picks of the weekend?


text:
You've likely seen or heard a news story in recent years that began something like this: F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, there are no second acts in American lives. But Fitzgerald clearly never met - fill in the blank.
It seems a whole generation of American politicians has fallen from grace only to rise again and disprove the line: Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, Eliot Spitzer. And just last night, South Carolina's newest congressman, Mark Sanford.
Here's the catch: many Fitzgerald scholars and enthusiasts cringe when they hear this kind of thing, because they say it's getting the line wrong.
To explain, we're joined by Kirk Curnutt, vice president of the F. Scott Fitzgerald Society. Welcome to the program.
KIRK CURNUTT: Thank you for having me.
CORNISH: So I understand the line actually appears in two different works by Fitzgerald?
CURNUTT: Yes, ma'am. It shows up in the unfinished novel that was posthumously published called "The Last Tycoon" in 1941, where it's just that line sort of dashed off in the middle of a bunch of working notes. But it actually dates back earlier, to about 1932, where it's used in a very different way. And I think that way is probably more in line with Fitzgerald's thinking throughout his life.
CORNISH: Which is? What was the main thinking there?
CURNUTT: Well, it shows up in an essay called "My Lost City," which is a beautiful sort of testament to New York and was actually very popular in the aftermath of 9/11. The line he says here is: I once thought that there were no second acts in American lives, but there was certainly to be a second act to New York's boom days.
Clearly he's sort of saying, well, I once believed this but I've been proved wrong. And I think that's what really gets most of us who are Fitzgerald fans is that line is always quoted as saying, well, how naive was Fitzgerald to have said there are no second acts in American lives, when he himself was only a couple of years away from what many people consider the greatest second act in American literary history.
CORNISH: What do you think that Fitzgerald would have made of these political characters that we've been talking about? It's become such a kind of cliche of American politics, in particular.
CURNUTT: Sure. Well, I think they would have said that's exactly how he intended that line, sort of ironically. It's interesting because "My Lost City," the essay in which the line first shows up, really does address this in some way - not necessarily in the political context. But it does say that we are always caught between the past and the present, and we carry the burdens of both.
And for all that these politicians do find new successes in life, they are always remembered for their past failures. And no matter what the future bodes for Mark Sanford, we'll always remember him for what happened three or four years ago.
CORNISH: One other thing. I mentioned in the introduction that, you know, people cringe when they hear this sort of thing. But do you? I mean, as someone who obviously, you know, is a scholar of Fitzgerald, what's your reaction when you hear that line thrown around?
CURNUTT: Well, I have to be very honest. Of all the beautiful lines that I adore that F. Scott Fitzgerald ever wrote, this is the one I really hate. I wince when I hear it, partly because it's used as a way of saying how sort of naive and shortsighted he was. But also, because for those of us who really adore Fitzgerald, the problem with that is we don't like our man to be cynical.
Fitzgerald was an optimist. For all that he went through in life and for sort of how low he was at the end of his life, he really did - like Jay Gatsby - believe in the green light. And he was trying to be optimistic to the core. I think he thought that "The Last Tycoon" would be his second act, that it would reinvent him if he could finish it.
It's a very different book than "The Great Gatsby." I'm not convinced it would have been better than. But it would have been a new and different and mature Fitzgerald. And I think that's part of the reason that we object to it, is it just seems like it's so out of context.
CORNISH: That's Kirk Curnutt, vice president of the F. Scott Fitzgerald Society. Thank you so much for speaking with us.
CURNUTT: Thank you for having me. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


text:
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text:
Since it's Black History Month, a return of Black Fictional Heroes will commence on Thursday.
Your average cop in Detroit, post-STRESS |
No, not the Detroit that has come to symbolize the Big Three Automakers, entering our lexicon as some synonym for the combined fortunes of Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler. We aren't talking about the Detroit that has been rebuilt in the Whitopia's surrounding the city, a place where commerce lives on, school systems produce college-ready graduates, and innovation is a daily reminder of what was lost to The Motor City once the Black Riots of 1967 turned a majority white city, majority Black in less than five years.
Any discussion about the decline of Detroit - not the fortune of the Big Three motor companies, but of the 82 percent Black city - must have race at the center of the discussion.
Consider that 20 years, New York City under its first Black Mayor David Dinkins appeared headed to a similar fate as Detroit. It took the election of a proto- fascist Rudy Giuliani, who basically worked to resurrect the policing methods once implemented in cities with horrible rates of Black crime (hmm, think Detroit, where Black people in 1960, though only 26 percent of the overall population, were responsible for 65 percent of serious crime) to once again ensure that the City that Never Sleeps could rest peacefully when its citizens dared shut their eyes:
The book Violence in the Model City: The Cavanagh Administration, Race Relations, and the Detroit Riot of 1967 by Sidney Fine reports this on page 15:
It was crime and its association with blacks that triggered a major crisis in race relations in Detroit in 1960. Four days after the Civil Rights Commission concluded its hearings in the city, the Detroit News noted in an editorial that although blacks constituted 26 percent of the city's population, they were responsible for almost 65 percent of its serious crimes. Asserting that the black community bore "a share of responsibility" for this fact, the News complained that the black leadership had "not pressed as hard" on this issues as it should have. "A wave of murders, rapes and purse snatching," with blacks identified as the perpetrators, culminated that same month in the murder of a white nurse's aide, a twenty-eight-year-old mother of three.
The policing methods implemented as a last ditch effort to maintain law and order in Detroit - where Black crime was tearing apart the social fabric of the city - were epitomized in a unit called STRESS: Stop the Robberies, Enjoy Safe Stress:
In the 1960s and 1970s the Detroit Police Department was notorious for its violence, particularly against minority youth. One police unit, dubbed STRESS—Stop the Robberies, Enjoy Safe Streets—carried out the execution-style killings of a more than a dozen black men in the space of a few years.
Coleman Young, the city's first black mayor, was elected in 1973 by pledging to disband STRESS and integrate the police force. Young and other Democratic officials oversaw the appointment of black police chiefs and the hiring of thousands of minority officers. But as social inequality grew in the 1970s and 1980s—particularly as the mass layoffs and plant shutdowns in the auto industry turned Detroit into the poorest big city in America—Young strengthened the powers of the police and embraced the politics of law and order.
The Black Police Chiefs in Detroit, after the Black Riot of 1967 ended with the white abandonment of the city |
As Detroit quickly became a majority Black city, a study was commissioned in 1973 by New Detroit, an organization founded in the ashes of the 1967 Black Riot, that showed 78 percent of white Detroit citizens approving of STRESS; 65 percent of Detroit's Black citizens disapproved of STRESS.
Knowing that the dwindling Black population is resorting to vigilante justice or the hiring of private security firms - mercenaries - to stop criminality from being the No. 1 vocation and avocation in Detroit (with the embarrassingly inept affirmative-actioned majority Black Detroit police force incapable of providing even the basic fundamentals of protection), you have to wonder how many Black citizens would favor a return of STRESS.
How bad was affirmation action in Detroit, and what role did it play in dismantling the police department's overall effectiveness? Well, the answer shouldn't surprise you:
Many police department entrance exams, especially in the prelitigation years, were aptitude tests akin to the verbal SAT. Detroit administeredSo these tests might not have been related to police work, but judging by the inability of the majority Black police force in place in Detroit now (all of whom were afforded the right to their position based on their race, and not their sterling academic credentials) you can see they were important.
a three-hour I.Q. test (the "Otis") to applicants in the 1960s and into the 1970s.4 Over the same period, the District of Columbia used a civil service examination designed for positions in the federal bureaucracy. This test comprised 80 questions on vocabulary, reading comprehension, and analogies. These questions clearly measure aptitude, but are not related in any obvious way to police work.
African American applicants, historically as well as today, do not perform as well as white applicants on police department entrance examinations. For example, in the Detroit, Michigan,exams of 1967 to 1971, the African American pass rate was 44.3 percent, and the white pass rate was 80.7 percent. The Memphis, Tennessee, tests administered from 1981 to 1989 had a similar impact on black applicants. The pass rate for whites was a high 96.7 percent, but that for African Americans was 69.2 percent.
But what was most important for Mayor Coleman Young was the removal (in his quest to remake the Detroit police in his own corrupt image) of the nefarious applicant tests that potential Black police officers - all across the nation - had trouble passing:
In New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, New Orleans, San Francisco, and other cities, theyfiled lawsuits on size and height requirements for new recruits, on the content of entrance and promotion examinations, and on patrol assignments. They demanded to be hired in greater numbers. Their gains were impressive: in 1972 there were only 7 women in the United States assigned to patrol work; by 1974 there were 900, and women made up 4 percent of police forces in cities and towns throughout theNow you can begin to understand why crime is so bad in all of these cities. But in Detroit, it all goes back to STRESS and what Mayor Coleman Young - that fighting Tuskegee Airmen - did to the city's police force. In Bridging the River of Hatred:The Pioneering Efforts of Detroit Police Commissioner George Edwards, author Mary Stolberg practically orgasms in writing about the removal of embedded white racism in the Detroit police force, and its replacement of an affirmative-actioned, Disingenuous White Liberal (DWL) approved Black force:
country. Advocates of affirmative action on the basis of race claimed even more success. In Chicago, for example, the percentage of blacks on the force climbed from 13 percent in 1962 to over 20 percent by the late 1970s. In Washington, D.C., it went from 13 to 42 percent, and in San Francisco, from 2 to 20 percent in the same period. In the 1970–1990 period blacks accounted for 41 percent of all new police hires nationwide. By the end of the 1980s, 130 cities in the United States had black police chiefs, including New York City, Chicago, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Houston.
Wait a second: doesn't Detroit's proud majority Black police force still lead the nation in both rates of police brutality and police killings? The only variable that changed was Black police officers shooting Black criminals, instead of white cops shooting the Black criminals that made so many DWLs and representatives of Organized Blackness irate.Wayne County Sheriff Roman Gribbs replaced Cavanagh in the mayor's seat. After tow years in office, Gribbs instituted a controversial undercover, anticrime campaign called Stope the Robberies, Enjoy Safe Streets (STRESS). Critics complained that the STRESS program's unorthodox tactics, including the use of decoys, unfairly targeted African-Americans. Other problems exacerbated objections to STRESS. As author William Rich wrote, "During a thirty-month period in the early 1970s, there were an estimated four hundred warrantless police raids and twenty-two related deaths (mostly of blacks). Detroit had the highest number of civilian killings per capita of any American police force." Just as they had in 1961, police excesses galvanized the city's African-American voters behind Coleman Young, who won the 1973 mayoral race.
Significant change in the department also came with passage of the City Charter of 1973, which gave more impetus to Edward's belief in civilian control of the police department. Under the new system, the commissioner was replaced by a board of five commissioners appointed by the mayor and approved by city council. A chief replaced the superintendent. To appease worried white Detroiters, Young appointed Douglas Fraser of the UAW to chair the police board. He also retained FBI Agent Phillip Tannian as police chief. To meet supporters demands, Young appointed Frank Blount, an African American, as deputy chief. Three months into office he disbanded the STRESS program.
Like Edwards, Young recognized the importance of recruiting and promoting more black officers. In September 1975, he appointed Detroit's first African-American police chief, William Hart. In 1991, when Hart was convicted for embezzlement and sentenced to prison, Young replaced him with another African American, Stanley Knox.
Young also moved quickly to hire black officers. The department opened recruitment offices in inner-city neighborhoods and scrapped test that smacked of racial bias. (PK NOTE: one that Black people disproportionately failed, like in Dayton, Ohio now)
Young also called for enforcement of the city's residency requirement and instated an affirmative action program that required promotion of one black officer for every white officer promoted. His efforts eventually bore fruit. By 1990, Detroit was far ahead of of the nation's other large cities; its force was 58.7 percent African American. The next closet was Philadelphia, where 25.7 percent of police were black.
So STRESS wasn't that bad after all. It was just a last ditch effort to save the city from the Black criminality that now occupies all seats of government power, frightens away investors, and, more importantly, keep Black criminals on the streets in check.
NYC faced a similar crisis back in the earlier 1990s.
Isn't the application of STRESS in New York City basically what saved the city?:
New York's Republican Mayor Rudolph Giuliani waged his successful campaign in 1993 on an aggressive law and order platform. A former federal prosecutor, he denounced the Democratic incumbent, David Dinkins, as soft on crime. In office, Giuliani's proudest boast has been the declining crime rate, which he attributed to his "get tough" policy.
By the way, getting tough on crime means getting tough on racial minorities, because they represent the groups most likely to be criminals:
The color of murder and gun violence in New York
Lo and behold, Capehart learned something he apparently hadn't known before: Blacks and Hispanics commit essentially all the violent crime in New York. They are also the most likely crime victims.Capehart quoted the report for 2010 directly:
"Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter victims are most frequently Black (67.0%) or Hispanic (28.1%). White victims account for (3.2%) of all Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter victims while Asian /Pacific Islanders account for (1.8%) of all Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter victims. The race/ethnicity of known Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter suspects mirrors the victim population with Black (65.3%) and Hispanic (30.6%) suspects accounting for the majority of suspects. White suspects account for (1.8%) of all Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter suspects while Asian/Pacific Islanders accounted for (2.4%) of the known Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter suspects.
"The Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter arrest population is similarly distributed. Black arrestees (53.8%) and Hispanic arrestees (36.4%) account for the majority of Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter arrestees while White arrestees (7.1%) and Asian/Pacific Islander (2.2%) arrestees account for the remaining portions of the Murder and Non-Negligent Manslaughter arrest population."[PDF]Seeing the news so starkly distressed Capehart. He writes:
"In short, 95.1 percent of all murder victims and 95.9 percent of all shooting victims in New York City are black or Hispanic. And 90.2 percent of those arrested for murder and 96.7 percent of those arrested for shooting someone are black and Hispanic. I don't even know where to begin to describe the horror I still feel looking at those numbers. But the word 'hunted' comes to mind."
Detroit's police force is the Blackest in the nation (thanks to affirmative action): Police usage of lethal force didn't change |
For those failing cities where Black crime is driving away white residents, businesses, and investors - think Philadelphia, New Orleans, Baltimore, Atlanta, Milwaukee, Cleveland, St. Louis, Birmingham, Richmond, etc. - understand that being STRESS-free is only a precursor to becoming another full-fledged Detroit.
It's that simple.


text:
This is a day to rock your Star Wars clothing or accessories, and also to donate a Star Wars or other geeky toy to your local shelter or hospital. Cool, right?
Now, for this special occasion Jen has asked me, Number 1, to write a Star Wars themed post. What Jen doesn't realize (and what I'm not going to tell her), is that I've never seen Star Wars. Ever. But I've seen Spaceballs a whole bunch of times, so I figure this'll be no biggie.
Ok, so, the movie is set in space, "the final frontier", sometime in the future. Luke Skywalter is the pilot for the Star Ship Firefly.
"We will destroy Hans Solo by playing checkers."
RD2D, CP3O, and Spider-Man.
Slimer tells Luke to "use the force," but Luke doesn't know what that means so he shoots him. (First.) Luke and his gang then go back to the Enterprise to fight Dark Vader and rescue Princess Leia. Again.
Dark Vader thinks it's unfair that Luke brought friends to help him fight, so Vader calls a friend of his own:
But wait! Slimer pops up from the dead and casts lightning into Vader's helmet. Pew! Pew!Vader falls to the ocean floor, and Slimer says, "You killed my father; prepare to die!" Then he crosses the tachyon streams to open a wormhole which sends Vader back to Gozer.
And they all live together on the island until John Locke finds himself dead in the coffin.
UPDATE from Jen: Don't miss today's CNN article on Katie, with quotes from yours truly!


text: StartUp Beat has relaunched to take a new and improved look at startups from around the world. We will continue to profile the world's most innovative early-stage startups through company pitches, interviews and guest columns from entrepreneurial experts. StartUp Beat is now based in Medellín, Colombia, one of Latin America's burgeoning tech hubs.