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Anyone who thinks it's enough to rest an argument on "settled science" or a "scientific consensus" ought to read about John Yudkin.
"At best, we can conclude that the official guidelines did not achieve their objective; at worse, they led to a decades-long health catastrophe," Leslie writes.
Nutritionists are only now grudgingly beginning to admit that their approach to nutrition guidelines could have been, well, wrong, and Yudkin's work is only now being rediscovered.
So why didn't scientists wise up sooner?
Leslie correctly points out that, despite the patina of pure objectivity, "scientific inquiry is prone to the eternal rules of human social life: deference to the charismatic, herding toward majority opinion, punishment for deviance, and intense discomfort with admitting to error."
That's not to say the scientific method doesn't eventually correct these errors, but the process isn't fast or painless.
Yudkin's plight should be a cautionary tale to anyone who thinks we should blindly follow a scientific consensus, particularly when it involves extraordinarily complex entities like the human body, or when the consensus is used to push public policies that could affect vast populations.
Then there is the consensus du jour about climate:
Authoritarianism, always latent in progressivism, is becoming explicit. Progressivism's determination to regulate thought by regulating speech is apparent in the campaign by 16 states' attorneys general and those of the District of Columbia and the Virgin Islands, none Republican, to criminalize skepticism about the supposedly "settled" conclusions of climate science.Four core tenets of progressivism are: First, history has a destination. Second, progressives uniquely discern it. (Barack Obama frequently declares things to be on or opposed to "the right side of history.") Third, politics should be democratic but peripheral to governance, which is the responsibility of experts scientifically administering the regulatory state. Fourth, enlightened progressives should enforce limits on speech (witness IRS suppression of conservative advocacy groups) in order to prevent thinking unhelpful to history's progressive unfolding.
Progressivism is already enforced on campuses by restrictions on speech that might produce what progressives consider retrograde intellectual diversity. Now, from the so-called party of science, a.k.a. Democrats, comes a campaign to criminalize debate about science.
The party of science, busy protecting science from scrutiny, has forgotten Karl Popper (1902–94), the philosopher whose The Open Society and Its Enemies warned against people incapable of distinguishing between certainty and certitude. In his essay "Science as Falsification," Popper explains why "the criterion of a scientific status of a theory is its falsifiability, or refutability, or testability." America's party of science seems eager to insulate its scientific theories from the possibility of refutation.
These garden-variety authoritarians are eager to regulate us into conformity with the "settled" consensus du jour, whatever it is. But they are progressives, so it is for our own good.
update: Victor Davis Hanson provides a valuable contribution in The Myth of Progress
President Obama is fond of using the phrase "the arc of the moral universe," a line derived from Martin Luther King Jr's longer quote, "The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice."
King, in fact, lifted the often-used sentence from earlier Christian ministers. They, in turn, apparently borrowed the optimistic adage from its originator, Theodore Parker, a mid-nineteenth-century transcendentalist preacher. Obama also frequently favors sayings such as "the right side of history" and "the wrong side of history," even though these Marxist nuggets refer to the supposed inevitable and morally overdue triumph of statism. Another favored presidential expression is "settled science," as if natural inquiry always meets the end of history and becomes frozen in amber.
There is an underlying theme in these expressions of President Obama: predetermination. When expressing and implementing his views on government services, taxes, social awareness, racial relations and diversity, gay marriage, foreign policy, or global warming, the president often seeks refuge in the notion that cosmic forces both agree with him and are unimpeachable. As a consequence, further debate is futile. Sophisticates understand that finality; rubes do not.
Let's take his "settled science" claim first. Unfortunately equating a current preponderance of transitory scientific opinions with eternal truth is precisely the way science does not work. There are some absolute truths in science, like the laws of atomic weight, but much else is up for debate and exploration. The etiology of ulcers and the effects of sunlight on the skin are explained differently today than they were in 1980—and perhaps will be explained differently still in 2080.
Most landmark breakthroughs in any field are not the product of consensus, but the unanticipated work of lone wolves, who were once derided as feral outliers barking at the moon. Had Obama used his majority arguments for settled science against Nicolaus Copernicus, Galileo Galilei, Sir Isaac Newton, and Charles Darwin, we might believe that the earth was created 5,000 years ago, gravity did not exist, and the planets revolved around the earth.
"Settle science" became a synonym for progressive dialectics. Obama never references settled science in reference to groups statistically most likely to suffer from hate crimes, or to commit acts of terrorism, or to commit felonies and murders inordinately given their numbers in the general population, or to scientific studies concerning the lack of climate impact from building the Keystone Pipeline, or the proven remedies for California drought relief through additional dams, reservoirs, and canals.
What does the president also mean by the "right" and "wrong" side of history, other than equating his side with "right" and thus historically, morally, and logically inevitable? But history has no such predetermined Hegelian course. Roman republicanism and classical culture were certainly on the right side of history for centuries—until life in AD 500 insidiously became far more dangerous, brutish, and materially impoverished. Beheading was supposed to be the signature of past savages, not the highlight of twenty-first-century video ads for ISIS recruitment.
Certainly "the arc of the moral universe" may be long, but unfortunately I'm not sure it bends in any particular direction.
And we forget that technological progress can often accompany moral regress—a favorite classical topos from the early Greek poet Hesiod to the Roman elegist and satirist Horace. The gas chambers of the Holocaust were fueled by the most sophisticated cyanide-based pesticide—Zyklon B—that pathbreaking German chemists could concoct. And the crematoria of the death camps were proudly stamped with the trademark "Topf and Sons," a benchmark of German excellence in the engineering of waste removal.
Nor is there reason to believe that the arc of history bends toward diversity, however noble the sentiment. Prosperous China, Japan, and South Korea have never shared much trust in such ethnic and racial ecumenicalism.
The classical world did not believe in linear progressions, but rather in cyclical ones, often using the metaphor of human birth, aging, and death as a natural referent. Cultures and nations start out in diapers like babies and often end in them too—as do aged humans.
Human nature stays constant as the material world continually transforms. People are not pawns of history or pilgrims skipping up some radiant celestial arc. Sometimes the people, ideas, and movements of the twenty-first century prove better, and sometimes far worse, than those of the past—and they will likewise again when framed against the future.
Human capacity for creativity is truly amazing but so is the willingness to embrace follies such as scientism and historicism.


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ALEXANDRIA, Va., Aug. 20 /PRNewswire/ — Avineon, Inc. (http://www.avineon.com), a successful provider of IT, geospatial, engineering and program management services, has been awarded a Small Business Innovation Research (SBIR) Program Phase II contract by the U.S. Department of Defense (DoD) Naval Sea Systems Command (NAVSEA). Under the contract, which is a continuation of its Phase I work, Avineon will continue transforming NAVSEA's existing Afloat Master Planning System (AMPS) into a Service-Oriented Architecture (SOA) to support the Navy's Strike Force Interoperability (SFI) initiative. NAVSEA, the largest of the Navy's five systems commands, engineers, builds and supports America's fleet of ships and combat systems. Avineon has been working with the Navy on various defense and IT-related projects since 1996.
The DoD's SBIR program funds early-stage research and development projects at small technology companies — projects that serve a DoD need and have the potential for commercialization in the private sector and military markets. As part of Phase II, Avineon will SOA-enable the Electronic Change Control Board (ECCB) subsystem of AMPS and establish a cross-domain SOA architecture to enable the secure exchange of ECCB information across security boundaries. The team will also transition the ECCB SOA implementation to Navy Data Environment servers, as well as implement a cross-domain device within the Navy infrastructure that supports ECCB web services.
Said Bill Douglas, SFI Configuration and Readiness Engineering Branch Head with NAVSEA, "Avineon's innovation, dedication and flexibility supporting the AMPS migration have made them a valuable partner as the Navy modernizes its infrastructure. With their contributions, AMPS will be positioned to better meet the information transfer needs within the highly dynamic Navy environment."
Avineon will be building on its Phase I work examining the SFI environment and developing a high-level architecture based on SOA. During Phase I, Avineon determined that cross-domain enabled web service architecture would enhance interoperability and information exchange and increase the readiness of the Fleet for deployed and combat operations. The team also identified the ECCB portion of the AMPS system as the best candidate subsystem for web service enablement due to its central role in the SFI processes and its envisioned future roles within the Navy's Entitled Process and the Naval NETWAR/FORCEnet Enterprise (NNFE).
"Avineon appreciates the opportunity made possible by the SBIR program to continue our long-standing relationship with the Navy," stated Scott Starsman, Avineon's Director of Defense Systems and the Principal Investigator for this program. "The technology developed is broad in application and should find many uses in the government and private sectors."
About Avineon
Avineon, a CMMI Maturity Level 3 and ISO 9001:2000 registered company, is a diversified high technology company that provides information technology (IT), geospatial, engineering and program management services. With headquarters in Alexandria, Virginia, and offices in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Virginia, Avineon also maintains subsidiaries in France, India and the UK. In IT, Avineon specializes in web-based architecture, systems engineering, application development, and on-going network and security support. For additional information, please visit http://www.avineon.com.
Press Contact: Erin Hatfield DPR Group 919-678-9200, ext. 103 email@example.com Company Contact: Charles Erdrich Avineon, Inc. 703-671-1900 email@example.com
SOURCE Avineon, Inc.
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subset: commoncrawl


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Using the new Holiday Petals and Leaves set CL787 from Hero Arts; on clear white cardstock with a little black frame.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Simple little Christmas card
Using the new Holiday Petals and Leaves set CL787 from Hero Arts; on clear white cardstock with a little black frame.
15 comments:
Beautiful stamping, Jacqueline! Love how you surrounded the definition with all those sweet images! Hope you are well! Sending hugs! ♥ReplyDelete
That is such a lovely card Jacqueline. The colours are so joyful! I hope you are well!ReplyDelete
I LOVE seeing the NEW Petals and Leaves mixed with the Classic JOY stamp!ReplyDelete
Beautiful card, Jacqueline! The "frame" you created around the sentiment is just perfect.ReplyDelete
This is beautiful! Great card!ReplyDelete
Beautiful card. Love the new HA set mixed with the old and the white on white look! Hope all is well with everyone!ReplyDelete
So pretty and sweet!!ReplyDelete
Lovely card with beutiful colors!ReplyDelete
Big hugs for you/Gunilla
fabulous Jacqueline. Lovely card.ReplyDelete
very pretty stamping!!ReplyDelete
Your stamping is amazing, Jacqueline, you have combined everything so perfectly, stamps and colours!ReplyDelete
Ira's Crea Corner
Simply Stunning!!! I do hope your son is feeling better JacquelineReplyDelete
Beautiful card!ReplyDelete
What a cheerful card Jacqueline, Love how you've framed the verse.ReplyDelete
I love your cards xxxxReplyDelete


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I showed you here my latest DIY....rolling wood crates!
It's been a few weeks since I started using them, and I LOVE them! They are seriously so handy.
I hinted in that post that I was working on a full pantry makeover.
It's finished!
To get the full details, head over to my guest post at Gingersnap Crafts!


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The Intrepid Campaign shorts are the perfect solution for freeride
and downhill mountain biking. The shorts are made of hardwearing,
three-way stretch material for unrestricted freedom of movement, are
constructed tough enough to withstand the demands of aggressive riding
and are packed full of performance features.
These shorts will not let you down when you need to perform at the highest level.
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Mexico, Venezuela improve to 2-0 at Caribbean Series
Mexico 9, Cuba 3
Propelled by catcher Sebastian Valle, Mexico's Venados de Mazatlan earned their second victory in two days at Estadio Quisqueya Juan Marichal, this time cruising past Cuba's Ciego de Avila Tigres, 9-3, in Tuesday's matinee at the 2016 Caribbean Series.
Mexico 9, Cuba 3
Propelled by catcher Sebastian Valle, Mexico's Venados de Mazatlan earned their second victory in two days at Estadio Quisqueya Juan Marichal, this time cruising past Cuba's Ciego de Avila Tigres, 9-3, in Tuesday's matinee at the 2016 Caribbean Series.
Complete Caribbean Series coverage
Valle's three-run double in the second inning gave Mexico an early lead, and Cyle Hankerd's home run in the third frame extended the lead to 4-0. Mexico tacked on another run in the next inning for a five-run advantage after four complete innings.
Cuban second baseman Yulieski Gourriel scored, and his younger brother Lourdes Gourriel Jr. drove in a run as part of a three-run sixth inning to cut Mexico's advantage to 5-3. Mexico scored another run in the sixth and three more runs -- two on another double by Valle -- in the seventh to put the game away.
Valle, a former Phillies prospect, finished with five RBIs.
Mexico will play Venezuela's Tigres de Aragua in the first game on Wednesday. Cuba will face Puerto Rico's Cangrejeros de Santurce in the night game.
Yulieski Gourriel is the best player in Cuba and the reason many Major League scouts were in attendance for Tuesday's matinee. The infielder was an Olympian in 2004 and has represented Cuba in all three World Baseball Classic tournaments. He has also been part of Cuban championship teams at the Pan American Games, Central American Games, World Baseball Championships and International Cup.
Gourriel, who finished 2-for-5 with a double and a run scored, has said he would like to play in the Major Leagues one day but wants to leave the island legally and with the Cuban government's blessing. Because of the U.S. embargo on Cuba, any Cuban defector who wants to do business with an American company must first establish residency outside Cuba and the United States to begin the path toward free agency.
Video: Lourdes Gourriel Jr. singles to score two runs
Hankerd knew it was gone once the ball left his bat. The slugger's home run in the third inning extended Mazatlan's lead to 4-0 and marked the first home run hit over the fence in the 2016 Caribbean Series. It's no surprise Hankerd is scheduled to participate in the tournament's inaugural home run derby Wednesday night.
Hankerd finished 1-for-3.
Video: Cyle Hankerd connects for a solo home run for Mexico
Venezuela 8, Dominican Republic 7
Venezuela's Tigres de Aragua rallied for one run in the bottom of the ninth, and Hernan Perez scored the game-winning run on a single by Rays Minor Leaguer Juniel Querecuto in the bottom of the 10th to secure an 8-7 victory at Estadio Quisqueya Juan Marichal.
Venezuela improves to 2-0 with the victory.
The Dominican Republic (0-2) scored four runs in the top of the second, two on a double by Pedro Lopez for an early 4-0 lead. Baltimore's Dariel Alvarez scored Venezuela's first run in the bottom of the second, and he capped a three-run inning by the Tigres with a two-run triple to tie the game at 4.
Video: Dariel Alvarez evens game at 4 with two-run triple
Marlins Minor Leaguer Moises Sierra scored on a single by Carlos Paulino to push the Dominican Republic back ahead, 5-4, in the fourth, but Venezuela tied the score at 5 in the bottom of the fifth.
Alvarez's line drive back at Dominican Republic closer Fernando Rodney would later tie the score at 7.
Venezuela will take on Mexico's Venados de Mazatlan (2-0) Wednesday afternoon, followed by Cuba (0-1) facing Puerto Rico's Cangrejeros de Santurce (0-1) in the nightcap.
The Dominican Republic's Junior Lake hit a thunderous, tiebreaking home run in the sixth inning and followed it with a glorious bat flip. Lake, who spent most of last season in the Minors with the Orioles and Cubs, put his club ahead by one with the solo shot.
Lake finished 3-for-5 with two RBIs and two runs scored. He was claimed off waivers by the Blue Jays in December.
Video: Junior Lake hits a mammoth homer in the 5th
Querecuto will remember this one for a while. The shortstop lined a single up the middle to score Perez for the game-winning run on Tuesday night. It should be a confidence booster for a player looking to secure a job in the Tampa Bay organization. He split most of last season between Class A Advanced and Double-A with a brief stop at Triple-A. He's built a reputation as hard worker and a competitor.
Video: Juniel Querecuto singles to give Venezuela the win
Jesse Sanchez is a national reporter for MLB.com. Follow him on Twitter @JesseSanchezMLB.


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"Now it came to pass, afterward, that He went through every city and village, preaching and bringing the glad tidings of the kingdom of God. And the twelve were with Him, and certain women who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities- Mary called Magdelene, out of whom had come seven demons, and Joanna the wife of Chuza, Herod's steward, and Susanna, and many others who provided for Him from their substance."
Luke 8:1-3
A few weeks ago, we commemorated the Feast of Saint Mary Magdalene, the Myrrh-bearer and Equal-to-the-Apostles. The Church's lectionary for today includes the reading above. Luke speaks of Mary, Joanna, and Susanna by name, as well as "many others" who provided for Christ from their own substance. The typical explanation that I've heard is that these women supported Jesus financially. Obviously, they left their homes and followed Him, just as his male disciples did. Some of them, like Joanna, had husbands and the Holy Scriptures make no mention of these men being disciples of Jesus. Why didn't Jesus tell these women to go home and have a quiverfull of children?
Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin state that we have no examples of female missionaries in the Bible:
"We should give godly people honor for the worthy things they did and learn from their examples. But we should recognize that these godly women do not in fact feature in the Bible." So Much More, pg. 262
Here, they are talking about contemporary female missionaries and how they went about doing a good thing in the wrong way. In other words, God can work good through sin. They go on to state that we do not see female missionaries in the Bible. Am I misunderstanding the quote? They seem to ignore Church history with this statement as we know of many "biblical" women who went on to proclaim the Good News or to serve Christ's Church in a position of leadership:
Mary the Mother of God, Mary Magdelene, Joanna, Susanna, Photini (the Samaritan woman at the well), Priscilla, Junia, Salome, Mary and Martha of Bethany, and Phoebe the Deaconess to name a few.
And they certainly ignore the hundreds of women canonized by the Church within its first 1,000 years of existence. Part of what I am trying to do here is to show that women played a major role in the founding of the Church, its spread, and its continued existence.
Such emphasis is placed on varying points in history where women behaved as patriocentrists think they should- the Reformation, the Victorian and Edwardian eras, the Antebellum South… but like it or not, there WAS a church before Martin Luther came on the scene. I would like to see any patriocentrist stand before any one of the women I've mentioned here and tell them that their lives flew in the face of the "gospel-centered doctrine of biblical patriarchy." Tell that to those women whom Christ allowed to travel with Him and fund His ministry. Tell that to those women whom the Apostles' sent out as missionaries or ordained as deaconesses. Tell that to the women who were in the Upper Room on the Day of Pentecost and received the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues in the same manner as the men.
Now, I am NOT trying to argue that any of these women were egalitarian feminists or that they would even agree with either side of the whole comp/egal debate. Not at all! What I am trying to say is that they don't fit the patriarchal paradigm. They would likely be rejected by these patriarchal groups or cast aside as "non-normative."
I like what Anne has to say about this- "I refuse to make women something less than my God does." He made some of them "equal-to-the-apostles." The Twelve made some of them missionaries and deaconesses. The Holy Spirit made some of them martyrs.
We are all members of One Body and we are not all meant to be the same body part. I think its a shame that patriarchalists think women should all be the same body part while men fill in all the other body parts. I guess I missed that section in Paul's epistles.


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Monday, June 18, 2012
38 Weeks
I've been spending most of my day trying to decide just how honest to be in this post. And another good portion of my day trying to figure out what honest is --- because I don't even really understand all of my emotions at this point.
Truth: Today I'm feeling in the depths of despair.
Truth: Most of this week was good --- physically and emotionally.
Most the week I've felt like my body is doing its thing, making slow progress, making positive moves towards a baby. This is good. It's 38 weeks. Its still early.
I've felt healthy, I've felt like I can keep up with life in general. Other than getting out of bed, I'm carting this belly around so much easier than last time. I mean, heck, Sunday we took at 2 mile family walk and I was totally good. (Last time I was pregnant, walking around our tiny block could level me for the rest of the day.)
Sleeping is getting harder, mainly because I have to get up so much. It's making me unable to get into the real deep restorative sleep. I feel like I kinda hover in barely-unconsciousness for a while, only to come out of it in time to go to the bathroom again. And I'm not a fan of hoisting myself out of bed.
I think what started to get me upset was that my doula texted me asking how I was doing, and kept asking questions about all the dilation details, etc. It was all in text form, but her responses kept coming back sounding to me like "so no progress at all huh?" Including her telling me at -2 station is not engaged.
I know that.
I'm not sure why she told me that.
I'm not sure why she felt the need to share a facty-knowledge-tid-bit to a girl in my delicate emotional state, who just wants to hear "Yay, sounds good."
I didn't say the baby was engaged. I didn't need to be told she wasn't.
I said, "She was at -2 so that's good."
I don't think I've gotten over her response.
I keep mulling it over.
I keep wondering why she felt like saying it.
At my prenatal appointment I was told -2 is really good, that she is nice and low, and that unless you are a first time mom a baby almost never gets to zero before labor.
So I was feeling really good about it.
I think sometimes people forget about the reason we should say words, and just want to say words because they are accurate.
So with those words of "no progress," "not engaged" and endless questions about whether my provider thought I'd go early or not (Which she didn't say either way. She said the accurate statement of "you can never really know.") floating around in my head... I was left to my own devices trying to process my situation, which is now starting to scare me --- it's starting to feel like the same old story as last time, only now they won't induce me. I'm starting to worry I'm a permanent 2, forever, and with out 'good'-ol-pitocin i'm not budging.
I don't wanna bash my doula for what she said, she was just trying to see what was going on. And I am a super emotional, hormone-ridden, full-term pregnant woman with some big issues I'm working through --- so I am turning regular conversation into frustration, totally normal words into terror. She didn't do anything wrong. But I just didn't like it one bit.
Sunday we had a really nice day.
And I really liked it.
And I was in the have-a-baby zone.
I was well rested. I was having decent contractions through the day. We "walked the baby out" for a long time. I was emotionally stable. I was feeling up to the whole idea of labor.
I was just in the zone.
Plus it was Father's Day --- how cool would that be?
But she didn't come out.
Two babies we know did come out that day.
And I got pouty.
Of course I am really excited for those babies and families.
But my brain got out of control on me.
"Look what everyone on earth can do, except you!"
Then Monday morning J woke up way too early, after I spent the night barely sleeping again. And I just had nothing left in me to defend myself against my thoughts.
I spent all of Monday hearing:
"You couldn't do it last time."
"Why do you even think your body will go into labor?"
"You don't go into labor."
"Why are you even bothering with all this junk? (Eating well, exercising, not reclining, sitting on the birth ball...) They are just gonna cut this baby out too, it won't make a different that you did all that."
"Even if you do go into labor, which we all know you won't, you can't get through it. You caved and got an epidural last time. What makes you think you can do this? Are you crazy?"
"Yep. You are crazy. Why do you even think you can take care of two children? What were you thinking?"
"Do you even know you are having a baby? Nope. All you care about is yourself and your body."
"You are gonna freak out when they hand you a newborn and you actually see what you got yourself into."
"God's just messing with you. You know that, right? This is all just one more test, to see if you will still love him. That's why it's all gonna be horrible, so you have to prove it through your disappointed heartbroken stories."
"Why don't you watch some more birth videos, so you can see exactly what your body can't do... Do you see that? Ha, you can't do that! Your body doesn't do that!"
"Ahh, so you don't think you can either! Just what I suspected. Well, obviously, now that you admit to it, your body isn't going to do it. Why would it, if you don't think it can? You've just cursed yourself. It's over now. Too bad, so sad. Give up."
And that's where I was when I also figured out...
I'm still not over my c-section.
I'm still a big pile of post-traumatic stress.
Like in a probably clinically diagnosable way.
J was born at the end of June. Her due date was June 10th. The following June, a year after J was born, I was almost incapacitated by my feelings from June 1st onward --- reliving the time I spent hoping to go into labor and never getting to, feeling the same feelings from 2010, feeling abandoned to my demise. I was depressed, like can't function right at all, depressed. If I wasn't taking care of J, I was in bed unable to do anything.
I was working through some major issues, pain, disappointment and inability to trust God.
He came through and helped me out of that black hole just in time for her birthday. And I was so grateful for the awesome day we all had together. And I was so happy to celebrate her, instead of lose myself in sorrow.
But that doesn't mean I'm totally over everything.
Today, after trying to get through all those thoughts, I realized that, besides those, I have that same feeling as I had last June. I'm facing her birthday again. I knew her birthday was coming. I bought decorations and cake, but I haven't thought too hard about it because I'm about to have another baby.
Today I realized it's been two years of this for me.
Two years of beating myself up for all the things I did wrong.
Two years of wishing things were different.
Two years of doing penitence.
Two years of driving myself crazy.
Two years of trying to trust God again.
I look at J and I love her. And nothing about her makes me feel bad.
She is the light of my life.
(And she has seriously been the sweetest thing ever to me today, as I try to stay afloat.)
The weird thing is, I don't even associate her with the c-section. They are two separate entities.
So the whole "Look what a blessing came from it" perspective, doesn't ever work in my mind. They just don't touch each other. I think it's part of the disconnect they often talk about for moms and their babies who have c-sections. I didn't feel disconnected with her when she was born, like they say can happen, but I don't connect my c-section with her birth.
My c-section was this big disappointment and failure in my mind. And that's where it ends. I can't really make it more or less.
And I am coming up on it's anniversary for the second time.
I didn't realize it would be hard again.
I didn't think it would matter this time.
But today I realized it does.
And in the face of that,
I host another life inside.
And it's nearly time for her to come out.
I'm really not sure how I am supposed to get through all these emotions.
I'm not really sure how I even have all these emotions.
Do you know how many times I have told myself, "It was just a surgery! Everyone has surgeries!"
But the thing is, that's not how it was intended to be.
And I am sad about it.
Am I gonna keep myself out of labor again with all this heartache?
Am I gonna ruin it, all because I can't get over it?
I don't have any more time for healing.
I am feeling what I feel.
And I am hoping my body doesn't hold it against me.
I am praying and begging that this baby comes before her due date, because as you can see, I just am not mentally sound anymore. I was worried about how I would handle the end, and this is why. I'm hoping today is just a hard day and I won't face this every day until she comes.
The hard part is, I begged last time.
Jesus, help me trust you.
I don't have anything left for you.
I am a broken blob of eww, and all I can do is throw my messy tantrumy self in your general direction and hope you take pity on me.
So, yeah, your prayers are welcome --- needed --- whoever you are out there reading this right now.
6 comments:
I just recently started following your blog, and I just wanted to offer some encouragement. I suffered a loss last August at 19 weeks, and it taught me so much about perspective. Please try to remember that sometimes the way we get to our goal isn't the most important part; it's how we view the journey, and how absolutely important that little goal at the end is.ReplyDelete
I am now 19 weeks pregnant again and I can tell you that this circuitous journey I have been on to bring home a healthy baby has taught me a massive amount about letting go. I can't control this, I can only support it. I'm sending tons of positive thoughts in your direction. Just hang on, it will be beyond worth it in the end <3
Big cyber huge to you, Lydia! I can't possibly understand what you are feeling, but we are praying for you and rooting for you. You went through something traumatic before, and allowing yourself to process it, no matter how long it has been, is a good thing. Have you considered talking to a therapist one or twice before next baby comes? I have no idea if it would help, but I know my therapy experiences have been wonderful. Or maybe go to another ICAN meeting?ReplyDelete
Hang in there Lydia. There is no way to know how this birth will go, but you are doing EVERYTHING right!!Replies
Thanks! I really really appreciate the prayers and support!Delete
I have thought about seeing a therapist, but haven't felt motivated to look into it. I feel nervous I'd wind up at someone who is unhelpful. I wasn't sure how to even go about starting to figure that stuff out. And at this point I kinda feel like it's a bit late.
And I actually purposefully skipped the last ICAN meeting because I was apprehensive to hear anything that might get me more nervous this close to her arriving. I plan to go again after baby is here.
I know I sound like a mess, but I am still truckin. :) And am working on my next post where I share my drastic mood swing in a happy direction. lol. Ah pregnancy hormones. :)
Cyber HUG. not huge. HUG. sorry :(ReplyDelete


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- Phenoxyethanol - a common cosmetic preservative. Endocrine (hormone) disruptor. Linked to skin irritation, contact dermatitis, also linked to adverse brain and nervous system affects in animal studies.
- Parabens - one of the most common cosmetic preservatives. Strong evidence of endocrine (hormone) disruption. Carcinogen concerns. Found in breast tumours in some studies.
- Talc - Possible carcinogen. Respiratory and skin irritation.
- Aluminium Powder - colourant. Neurotoxin. Possible organ system toxicity.
- Parfum/Fragrance - Synthetic fragrances can contain up to 3000 different synthetic chemicals, many of which have been proven to cause endocrine disruption, whilst many others contain formaldehyde or formaldehyde-releasing preservatives. Formaldehyde is a known human carcinogen.
- FD&C and D&C dyes - synthetic dyes and colorants believed to be carcinogens. Many have been banned or restricted by the FDA in the USA. FD&C dyes are approved for food, drug and cosmetic use. D&C dyes are approved for drug and cosmetic use. I avoid these wherever possible.
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Trump: "We have some bad hombres here"
Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said ''We have some bad hombres here,'' as he clashed with Democratic rival Hillary Clinton over immigration. Rough Cut (no reporter narration).
ROUGH CUT (NO REPORTER NARRATION) STORY: Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said, "We have some bad hombres here," as he clashed with Democratic rival Hillary Clinton over immigration policy in their final presidential debate. Clinton took aim at saying, "When it comes to the wall that Donald has talked about building, when he went to Mexico, he had a meeting with the Mexican President he didn't even raise it, he choked." Trump has been damaged recently by several accusations of groping women - which he denies - and concerns about his claims that the election will be rigged against him. The debate at the University of Las Vegas Nevada gives the New York businessman perhaps his best remaining chance to sway the dwindling number of Americans who are still undecided about which way to vote in the Nov. 8 election. For Clinton, who leads national polls and in most of the battleground states where the election will likely be decided, the 90-minute debate is a chance to make a closing argument on why she is best suited to succeed President Barack Obama. Tens of millions of voters are expected to tune in.


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A three-vehicle accident occurred at 10:57 a.m. on Saturday at the intersection of Route 36 and Elderberry Hill Road in Bell Township and sent two people to the hospital for treatment of minor injuries.
According to Punxsutawney-based Pennsylvania State Police, Nikki L. Adams, 21, Punxsutawney, was driving a 2008 Jeep Patriot and allegedly failed to realize that traffic was stopped on the highway ahead.
As a result, police said she struck a 2008 Mazda G6 driven by Jeff L. Turner, 29, Mahaffey, in the rear bumper.
The impact of Adams' vehicle and Turner's vehicle struck a 2006 Chevrolet Colorado pickup truck driven by Lois J. Gomola, 52, Punxsutawney, who was waiting to make a left turn onto Elderberry Hill Road.
Police said Adams will be cited for following too close.
According to police, Turner and a 5-year-old passenger suffered minor injuries and were both transported to Punxsutawney Area Hospital for treatment.
Police were assisted at the scene by the Central Fire Department and Jefferson County EMS.


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Block of the Month
Back in the day,
{I am aging myself}
I had the third Thursday of the month sewing group and the first Monday PTA meeting and the every other Saturday produce co-op. Before I knew it every day of the month was filled.
(These two photos courtesy of Joanna Figeroua)
Just like I was a sucker for the "every other" type of meeting, I have little control for Block of the Months.
What is different? They are wonderful little packages delivered right to my door as a little gift. No other obligation!
Right now I only have a couple of block of the months in the works. I missed out on Fig Tree and Co.'s BOM from last year so I was not going to let that happen again. This one is a mystery so I have no idea what it is going to be. Anticipation.....
I am also doing the Austin Bluebird by Minick and Simpson. This one is a real challenge for me since I do not do the "A" word. Applique that is, but I love anything red white and blue.
Lisa Bongean of Primitive Gatherings is the queen of designing BOM's shared a bit of fantastic advise that I wanted to pass along. Lisa recommends that no matter what, cut your block out each month. When you have a few minutes to sew your pieces will all be cut and ready. I thought this was great advise and keeps your blocks from piling up.
I love the freedom of quilting and there are so many ways to do each step along the way. There is no right or wrong way, just what works best for you.
I have a question for you.
Do you press your seams open or to one side? and why?


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Collectors item. Kurt cobain the nirvana years by Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna. Hard cover good condition apart from small bump on spine.
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[Re-Up]: Let Her Tell It: The "Quietfire" Actress, Kendyl Joi, On Faith, Confidence and Self-Love
In this, the "Get-famous-by-any-means-necessary" era where table-flipping, hair-pulling, horrible music and thirty-second marriages are considered great television entertainment; where everybody is moving to LA to "pursue acting" it has become increasingly difficult to weed out those who only seek fame at any cost from those who are serious about the craft of acting. Just when we have almost been lulled to sleep by the drone of demoralizing drama, the spotlight falls and we are jolted awake by an actress who reminds us of what true talent looks, sounds and works like. She is Dallas-born, world-reared Kendyl Joi. Her story is one of shell-breaking and confidence-building through gifts and talents she initially didn't even realize she possessed. 15+ years of education under her belt. Numerous on-stage accolades. A successful crossover into television with some of the most revered actors in the business. A soul-stirring book of poetry entitled, "Wake Me Up!" which was transformed into a hungrily-received one-woman stage production. And I can't prove it but I think she can fly, too.
I was able to catch up with the TVOne "Love That Girl" actress to pick her brain about the business and to bask in the glow of her poise, faith-built self-assurance and drive.
HS: Thank you for sharing your amazing story with HerSOUL. It's so necessary for young Black women to see other young Black women who've pursued their passion. I have to say I am blown away by just the amount of time you've spent STUDYING your craft, let alone all of the productions you've been a part of! You laid a very solid foundation of 15+ years of education, not just in the US but even overseas which is absolutely commendable. Did you take breaks in your schooling or did you go straight through?
KJ: Thank you for interviewing me! After completing my BFA at the University of Minnesota Guthrie Theater Program, I got cast in several theatrical shows in Minneapolis and a film which was exciting. [This] allowed me to build my confidence professionally but I never thought of taking my career to film or television. At that time in my life, I had only known actors to successfully develop their craft on stage. But as time went on, I had more to learn. Due to the below zero climate and the heavy snow in Minnesota, I eventually planned an escape to Vancouver, British Columbia to go to film school. This would be my first time training behind the camera. [It was] so beneficial to me because I was forced to reveal myself, Kendyl Joi, which I wasn't accustomed to as an actor. I had only done a lot of character work, period pieces and mime. Yes I was a mime! Film demanded that "I" show up at a time when I didn't even know me.
HS: Were there ever times when you just wanted to quit and if so, what helped you to push through?
KJ: There were many times on my journey I wanted to desperately go another way! Truth be told, I never once dreamed of being an actor. I like to say that I was called to do this. No one in my entire family is an artist or actor, except Samuel L. Jackson by marriage (whom I have yet to meet). I only knew success by superior education from my mother or law school from my brother. I have always been a quiet and reserved person who only opened up to those I trusted. But acting broke that shell, at least on stage.
The one thing I can say that has kept me on the path and from getting cussed out by my mother (She's going to kill me for saying this!) on the first day I walked through the doors of Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts in Dallas, Texas, was God Almighty. I thought that school was the weirdest place on earth! Every year I had to pray for courage to overcome my will because pursuing arts did not make sense to me but I believed in what my mother saw as an educator. She taught me that a liberal mind makes the best professionals. I prayed that God would order my footsteps because if it was up to me I would have left running barefoot the other way! Seriously. So, obedience to the gift given to me and to the high calling God Almighty has on my life as His daughter is the reason I do what I do. My gift of acting or representing the truth in people is the vehicle I ride to my destiny and boy, has it been a blessed experience! I'm thankful.
HS: Besides honing your skills as an actress, what one experience has helped to shape who you are as an actress?
KJ:My discipline, being the only black in many of my schools, and my faith as a Christian are the experiences that built my character as Kendyl Joi and as an actress. Even as reserved as I was, I always had a "quietfire" mentality. I believed I was the chosen, and would come out on top. I knew from a little girl I wanted to live for God but didn't know how and was too shy to speak up about it. I always let people get the best of me and influence me the wrong way [which] led me to compromise my standards more than once. I also knew as a Christian pursuing acting, I didn't want to be a "hoe" or be seen as one and I never wanted to sell out for money and fame. My faith and discipline gave me the confidence and boldness to stand up for my character in God, along with the countless hours I spent studying the Bible which I truly believed was my real script on the stage of life.
HS: As a serious actress who obviously is dedicated to the art what is one piece of advice you would give a 20-year-old young Black woman who is living paycheck to paycheck, waitressing at night and preparing for auditions by day, waiting for her big chance?
KJ: I would ask her, "What is [your] purpose as an actress? Is it fame? Is it fortune? And who told you to act?" I believe what God has called you to do, He will take care of you in His will and IF you stay in His will. Your works and dedication are a given. If you're doing it because you want to do it and you were not called, then you're on your own. Also, if wanting to act is simply a desire to be pretty in front of a camera, you may very well be successful, but beauty fades. What is your long term purpose? Do you have an education, a business plan, something else that will sustain you long term when work is slow? In my book, keeping God first always, patience, hard work, having a good plan, sacrifice, and a focused mind are keys to success. Never lose your soul just to gain a few dollars, a few fans, TV time or even the whole world. Beware who is blessing you.
HS: You eventually became a part of TVOne's television series 'Love That Girl' produced by Martin Lawrence, starring the lovely Tatyana Ali as main character, Tyana. I enjoyed the show because it had a healthy balance of comedy and sage wisdom in your character, Nefertiti. I found myself actually admiring Nefertiti because of her ability to be a great friend to Tyana but also a consistent baseline of support, knowledge and insight. How much does that character mirror you? What has been the best thing about working on the show?
KJ: What an honor to work on LOVE THAT GIRL! I still praise God Almighty for that opportunity and the beautiful family He introduced me to. I will always appreciate Bentley Kyle Evans, Stacey Evans Morgan and the whole team for believing in me. I would say I am a lot like Nefertiti with her serenity and style. Her character has so much more room for growth and depth, but I loved the fact that she was a business owner because ownership is key, especially in our community. The best thing about working on the show was the overall experience. I love the cast. Working behind the camera is very new to me so I took it as a wonderful beginning and training ground for the glorious future ahead!
* You can watch snippets of Kendyl Joi's media clips here.
HS: Maya Angelou once spoke about the importance of having "sheroes" in our lives. Which women (famous or not) have really helped guide/shape who you are as a Black woman?
KJ: My mother, Dr. Ora Lee Watson, is one of the strongest women I know. She doesn't allow adversity or material loss to keep her from success. I've always admired her for that and believe that is the reason I don't get caught up in the hype of things. She and Noah from the Bible have taught me to keep on building! Aside from her, I always admired a list of old school and modern Black female actors and musicians. I am an old school junkie and a sponge in many ways. If I see a light in someone I'm normally the person that will sit under him/her and catch the rays.
HS: Speaking of Maya Angelou, you're a poet as well, with a published book and successful one-woman show under your belt. Congratulations on that success! What was your inspiration for the book of poetry? How has poetry influenced you as an actress?
KJ: My inspiration for my poetry was from a trip to Cape Town, South Africa when I studied Dramatic Writing. My roommate, Patrice, was a writer from New York and spoke the easiness of writing poetry into my life. After an open mic in Cape Town, I got inspired, came home that night and started writing. The next thing I knew, words were flowing out of me like water. Writing poetry helped me to perform me. I enjoyed exploring myself and sharing it with the world. It tore down a lot of walls, I'll say that!
HS: Was your goal to move from the stage to television or was that just the flow of events? How easy (or hard) was that transition?
KJ: My last-minute decision to move to Los Angeles after successfully completing film school in Vancouver was my transition into film and yes it was a weird transition! Acting on television/film is like putting the key in the ignition of a fancy car and then turning it off… and that frustrated the mess out of me. I was like, "Don't put me in this car if I can't drive it!" I want to drive and theater allows you to do that.
HS: In following you on Facebook I find it refreshing that you speak boldly and often of your faith. Many are not as open about their faith in an attempt to remain politically correct. Is there room for faith in your line of work? How has your faith shaped your life?
KJ: Being an "in-the-closet" Christian is what got me in trouble in the first place! Had I been a gangsta about my God and not cared about offending [people], I might have been better off in a lot of situations! I take my love for and duty to Jesus Christ very seriously. He is my LORD and my KING. There is no reason why I should be shy or afraid to live for Him personally or professionally. If anyone else believes a different way and has the nerve to live accordingly, I too have the right to live and believe [the way I choose]. My life decisions are based on my faith in the Word of God. It's not easy living this way and is often frustrating, but I know my purpose is beyond this temporary world. Life as a Christian has evolved in SO many ways. I keep the commandments of God which includes keeping the Sabbath Holy (Friday sundown to Saturday sundown). My first thought was that no one would book me for that reason because EVERYTHING happens on the Lord's Sabbath. But I was extremely fortunate to come across people in the field that understood my Sabbath observance. If work was still going on, I would leave before sundown or show up the next day after sundown, once Sabbath was over. Not everyone will understand and I know that, and it's ok. It's just one day! My faith makes me stronger, courageous, bolder, wiser, and focused. I know what's really important at the end of the day. I have balance and most of all, I have true Love. P.S. If you make room for God, God will make room for you.
HS: You spoke about the state of Black women in your interview with Staci Harris saying that for many years we 'have been wearing someone else's identity' and we're afraid of who we are naturally. You said something else that really struck me as profound, "You have to lose yourself to gain yourself." This resonates on so many levels. I didn't learn to embrace who I am until COLLEGE and I've met so many young ladies who have had that same sort of battle. Was there ever a time when you dealt with not truly loving your identity as a Black woman? What words of encouragement do you have for the high school-age, college-age, recent college grads who have yet to find, accept and love their true selves?
KJ: There have always been times when I've felt unbeautiful. I don't think I saw or understood what others saw in me until recently. I never understood comments like, "She think she's cute!" because I never thought of myself as cute. I saw everyone else as cute, but not me. I knew I always wanted to be the woman God created me to be, a woman after His heart, holy, natural, God-fearing, and bearing the fruits of His Spirit. When I was/am in alignment with these things, I felt/feel beautiful. I would encourage women of all ages to love who God created them to be, which is beautiful. I love natural hair, but if that doesn't fit you, then do you. I hate the light skin dark skin tone dilemma with sisters of color. I come from a mixed family [of all nationalities] and shades; a beautiful, fair-skinned mother and a handsome, dark-skinned father. I have always seen all shades as beautiful. Now what I don't like is someone destroying themselves to be someone they were not meant to be whether through medical procedures, or just some other forms of foolishness! Work on your insides, and the rest will follow. If you want change, you have to be willing to let go so newness can grow…and get ready for the not so pretty stage which is just a season like Fall or Winter.
HS: In speaking on "Naturalness" and loving ourselves as Black women, I ADORE your dreadlocks! I've thought about locking my own hair but haven't gotten up the nerve. Was there ever a point where others did not appreciate/accept your hair choices? Because we're seeing the Natural hair movement take the nation by storm and there is quite a bit of resistance to it by those who truly believe Black hair must be altered to be beautiful. I've even heard of people being passed over for jobs because of afros and dreads. What are your thoughts and advice to young women who are Natural or who are considering going Natural?
KJ: Thank you! I love my hair too and locs were a last minute late night decision I made a few years ago. My mother and a few others snickered at my 'nappy hair' when I cut it to a low fro, but I didn't care! I felt free and beautiful. I even had two girls walk behind me in a department store and said I looked like some sort of African and laughed. I've been told, "ain't nobody gon want you with that nappy sh** on yo head!" and all I can do is laugh! Laugh myself all the way to the bank! Our hair shows its strength when it is natural. It's how God created us to be. Why be shy or embarrassed about strength? I think for so long, we've been conditioned to believe straight loose hair is good hair and black hair is bad hair. It's a stronghold on our society that is making other nations rich off of our insecurities! We need to take control of ourselves and love ourselves. We are powerful beings and our hair is one small testament to that. I never wanted to die trying to hide the truth of me or being someone else (with foreign hair) and have God wake me up and hear Him say, Kendyl Joi I know and created you, but who are You?!!
HS: What's coming up for Kendyl Joi? Where will we see you next?
KJ: Right now, I am pursuing my Master degree in Educational Psychology at Pepperdine University. I am really excited because education has ALWAYS been important to me. I am also making final touches to a family sitcom I have written. My one-woman show, "WAKE ME UP" was received well in Los Angeles and will hopefully make it's way to Chicago soon. Other than that, I have A LOT of things in the works right now that are soon to blossom. You'll be seeing me very soon! Thank you so much for considering me in this interview. God be with you! Peace.
I would like to offer my sincere thanks to Kendyl Joi, for giving us "HerSTORY." Visit her website to keep up with her!


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CONFERENCE TREAT BAGGIES- Attach a picture of each of the 15 General Authorities to little baggies full of treats and games (you can use some of the games listed below such as the paper dolls). When the speaker begins, have your child find the baggie that matches the speaker! That is the toy, activity, or treat they get to have during that speaker. It's a great way to get your children familiar with their faces.
{if you are only planning on your children watching the Sunday conference use the Prophet, his 2 councilors, and have the other authorities on hand to tape to baggies when the speakers are announced. It becomes a little more "improv" as you never know who's going to speak what day.}
CLICK HERE FOR THE GENERAL AUTHORITY CARDS. These could also be laminated and attached to a ring for a cute church quiet book.
Simplified Bingo Card- With images that can mean multiple things (Jesus, Christ, Savior) (Hearing a scripture quoted, seeing someone with scriptures, the actual word "Scripture, Book of Mormon, or Bible", etc) your little ones chances of winning increase! And with certain images doubled a "two-for-one" opportunity presents itself! Play with small candy or treats and see if your toddler can get BINGO!
GENERAL CONFERENCE STICKERS- What kid doesn't like stickers?! Print these on sticker paper and you're set!
GENERAL CONFERENCE SPOTLIGHT- Cut out the General Authorities and tape them to their seats. As children watch conference they can put the current speaker up on the pulpit and return the previous one to his seat.
Created by Deann at Family Home Evening Ideas
PRESCHOOL ACTIVITY JOURNAL- Fun to color and a cute keepsake to boot!
Created by crystalshares.blogspot.com
COLORING PAGES- LDS.org has a variety of coloring pages for you to choose from. No picture for this one... just take my word and go over and take a gander. All images are from the FRIEND
COLOR THE AUTHORITIES TIES- Color the ties to match what they are wearing!
Black and White Version
Created by Amber
Here is a colored versionGeneral Conference Color My Tie
Print out one for GIRLS or for BOYS!- Print out the dolls and let your child color the clothes and then dress their doll for church! Laminate them if you want them to last longer
CONFERENCE CANDY LEI'S- Welcome your child to the Sunday conference with a candy lei! Child gets to open one piece of candy per speaker. Even if you can't get them to sit through much of it, this is a fun way to get them to at least SEE each speaker :)
{Follow the link for instructions. Sunday conference has on average 13-15 speakers. When I made my candy lei I put 15 pieces of candy just to be safe :) }
PERSONALIZED MAGIC CARPETS- Super cute idea that will entice your little one to sit and watch conference. Made from FREE discontinued carpet samples. {call around local carpet stores and ask for them}The lady that came up with these uses them for FHE as well!
If you have a fun idea to share please leave a comment below so I can link up your idea!


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Optimus Prime Speaks on Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark
The voice of Optimus Prime takes the time to tell us the premise of Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark.
Just in time for the 30 year anniversary of our favorite robots in disguise, the PlayStation Blog has posted a new video and some new details about the upcoming third-person shooter, Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark. The video features Peter Cullen, the voice of Autobot leader Optimus Prime from both the G1 cartoon series and the Michael Bay films, describing the plot of Rise of the Dark Spark. The game will intersect the previously established mythos of the High Moon Studios Transformers trilogy with that of the Michael Bay series.
The game's story revolves around the Dark Spark, the evil counterbalance to the Matrix of Leadership, which Megatron will obviously try to exploit and Optimus must stop. Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark will launch on June 24, just days before the silver screen debut of the fourth Transformers film, for PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, Xbox 360, Xbox One, PC, Wii U and Nintendo 3DS.


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North Korean WMD Trading Relationships
Published April 26, 2011
By Jonas Vaicikonis
Publication TTCVR1116
Report available in PDF and Flash formats
North Korea threatens world security by hastening the spread of nuclear weapons and related technologies to state and non-state actors interested in acquiring nuclear weapons. The North uses two pathways to acquire banned nuclear equipment for itself and for others: through state-to-state contact and through its network of individuals engaged in illicit trade. Both pathways pose a danger to the international community, but it is increasingly North Korea's collaborations with other states interested in nuclear weapons technology that threaten the global nonproliferation regime. North Korea's unscrupulous history of selling narcotics, counterfeiting currency, and selling arms does not encourage optimism in its willingness to refrain from spreading nuclear weapons technology. Indeed, the examples in this paper demonstrate that North Korea's relationships with Pakistan, Syria, and Iran have advanced the nuclear programs of all four states, despite United Nation's sanctions.
|Download the Report in PDF Format
View Flash Version Online


text: Al-Moattasem International School is truly an international school, locally focused but globally connected, following the British Curriculum. English is the main medium of instruction. Languages like Arabic, Filipino, Urdu and French are taught creatively from Kindergarten to High School. The school creates a culture rich environment where multilingualism is a natural outcome of the holistic educational experience.


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With a machine-gun in the back seat, his foot on the accelerator and wearing "Top Gun" style sunglasses, Azfar Mahesar pushes deeper into the heart of one of Karachi's "Talibanised" areas.
"This used to be a war zone, but we have liberated it," says the slightly chubby policeman with pride as his vehicle races through the Pakistani city of 20 million.
Over the past few years, one word has been on everyone's lips here: "Talibanisation."
If the remote mountains that straddle the Pakistan and Afghanistan border have been the militant group's playground, Karachi, Pakistan's economic hub on the Arabian Sea, has been the insurgents' hideout and cash-cow.
The Taliban dug deep into areas populated by ethnic Pashtuns, creating virtual "no-go zones" and terrorising the local population with extortion and kidnappings for ransom to provide funding for their militants.
But officials say that has all changed now.
"Talibanisation in Karachi has died down," says Mahesar, a former soldier turned senior police officer in the most dangerous, western part of the city.
"I can say very confidently 70 to 80 per cent are purged. There are a few remnants in Karachi but they are not as capable of coming back with the efficiency that they had a year or so ago," he adds.
Today, policemen wearing flak jackets are advancing deep into the bowels of one of the remaining "no-go zones", through dug-up streets and up rocky hills that mark the city's western edge.
"This was a local Taliban HQ," one says as he stands before a pulverised hovel.
Public enemy number one
The Tehreek-i-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) has been this country's public enemy number one since its formation in 2007.
Last December, the group carried out its deadliest attack ever, on a school in northwestern Peshawar, killing more than 150 people, mainly children.
The TTP called it revenge for a military operation being carried out in North Waziristan, the epicentre of their jihadist movement and a sanctuary for Al Qaeda fighters along the Afghan border.
In response, the government gave the police and paramilitaries permission to lay siege to Talibanised areas, killing hundreds of suspected insurgents, without worrying much about due process.
"Peshawar opened the world's eyes. We had to act, even if it meant killing a thousand civilians," says one policeman on the mission.
All this occurred as the military made gains in North Waziristan, from where the Taliban of Karachi received orders.
"The disconnection between Karachi and Miramshah (capital of North Waziristan) has helped law enforcers to keep the Pashtun parts of the city safe and clear of the militancy," said Zia Ur-Rehman, an expert on security in Karachi.
Taliban fighters instead sought refuge in neighbouring Afghanistan, and Pakistan is now facing its lowest levels of terrorist violence in almost a decade.
Guarded by crocodiles
In the Manghophir district of Karachi, residents now say business is picking up. Extortion and racketeering by the Taliban — or criminals posing as them — is now almost a thing of the past.
"God be thanked that the Taliban have gone. People were scared, they wouldn't go out to the markets," says elderly Fatima, dressed in a large and multicoloured shawl, in front of the shrine of the Sufi Saint Pir Haji Mangho — which serves as a barometer of Jihadist presence.
Mystic and moderate Sufism were once the predominant forms of Islam practised by the Muslims of Pakistan, but the sect is seen as heretical by the hard line Taliban.
This mausoleum, which was last attacked by militants in 2014, is guarded by crocodiles swimming in a green pond.
When the Taliban controlled the area, "the crocodiles barely got to eat," says their guardian Khalifa Sajjad, a thin man wearing a red hat shimmering with tiny mirrors.
"Now the followers have come back, and are giving their offerings of meat."
In the hard scrabble Metroville district, where children bounce on a trampoline that has seen better days, Abdul Razzaq Khan, chief of the Jamaat-i-Islami (JI) political party in west Karachi, hails the anti-Taliban operation.
"God knows where they've gone. They're maybe hiding out here, or they've returned to where they came from, that's an unanswered question," he says, though he still believes criminals posing as Taliban were a bigger threat than the group themselves.
But for Rauf Khan, a member of the secular Pashtun ANP party, who last April survived the latest of several attempts on his life by the militants, there is no doubt things have changed drastically.
"Now we are mentally liberated. It somehow hasn't felt this way in 15 to 20 years," he said.
"Yesterday, I went to the cinema and came home late. I haven't done that in years."


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Why Enterprises Need To Adapt To Agile7/21/2014
Today's large businesses are not too big and inflexible to be agile. Here's why.
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Eric is currently the Chief Technology Officer for GE Capital, a position he has held since mid-2011. Prior to this role he held a number of roles in IT in both GE Capital and the Consumer & Industrial businesses in GE. Prior to joining IT, he started his GE career in Engineering on the Edison Engineering Program and spent several years working in New Product Introduction (NPI) designing industrial solutions. Eric holds a BS in Electrical Engineering and an MS in Electrical Engineering, both from The University of Connecticut. He can be reached at [email protected].


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The Doctor's Orders present Keith Murray Live @ Plan B, Brixton – Weds 24th November
The Doctor's Orders present
Keith Murray live
7.30pm – 11pm Wednesday 24th November 2010
(Show starts 8pm)
@ Plan B, 418 Brixton Road, London SW9 7AY
(Brixton Tube)
£8 in advance
Available through ticketweb.co.uk / 0844-477-1000
£12 on the door
live support from
Yungun & Mr Thing
Plus DJ set by Spin Doctor
Few MC's have managed to live up to a widely acclaimed first album. Keith Murray's "Most Beautiful Thing In The World" was an instant classic, given 4 Mics by The Source and widely regarded as one of the best Hip-Hop albums of the "Golden Era" & all time. Since it's release he has bucked this trend and continued to be on the top of his game with the release of five more brilliant albums (Enigma, It's A Beautiful Thing, He's Keith Murray & Rapp-Murr-Phobia, Intellectual Violence).
Keith Murray first came to prominence through battling Big Daddy Kane which brought him to the attention of the Def Squad's Eric Sermon, of which Keith was soon to become a member featuring on their cover of "Rappers Delight" and "El Nino" album. With such heavyweight support and production behind him there was little doubt that his phenomenal talents would get him noticed. On leaving Jive Records he signed for the legendary Def Jam and now at Koch he is on his grind as hard as ever making sure that his signature sound is still reaching the airwaves and parties that have supported his music from day one.
In support of a new album the Long Island born MC is hitting a London stage for the first time in years to display the smooth lyrical flow he is best known for. Having rhymed his way through every topic imaginable from tales of street hustle to falling in love, the diversity of his writing ability has seen him garner an army of fans throughout the world.
Joining him on stage are some of London's most talented MC's in the shape of the phenomenal Yungun, supported as ever by his DJ Mr Thing, and one of the emerging talents of 2010 Skandal, and keeping everything bumping as always is Spin Doctor. This is set to be another incredible night of true school Hip-Hop from The Doctor's Orders.


text: My classmates and I came to Dinesty Dumpling House (Richmond No.3 Rd location) on a Friday night to satisfy our soup dumpling craving. The restaurant was packed but luckily for us, we made a reservation so we were seated immediately. I'd recommend making a reservation on weekends as the restaurant gets quite busy.


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Athena is my pattern and I can tell you that is one of the most fun pattern I have. It is simple, yet not boring. You have to pay attention to what you are doing and count stitches. Sometimes the Yarn Overs get lost. Kollage Luscious was given to me as a prize at the MFKR 2011. It is a cotton 63% nylon 37%. It is stretchy and works well on the needles, yet when it comes down to weaving in the ends is a bit tricky. I got two 50 gram skeins, the yarn comes on 100 grams skeins. I was able to do a Russian Yarn join successfully and that is impressive. It is a great choice for non wool people.
Using The Kollage Luscious yarn was an excellent choice. I will say that to finish off the
Athena, you should do a little crochet cluster on the corner of the yarn
tails. Leave about two or three feet and make a 3 to 5 single crochet
in the corner stitch, then you can weave the ends inside the crochet
stitches. I had plenty of Luscious left, so it can be made bigger.
I hope you enjoy the pictures and like me dare to use different yarns for different things. I say that this is a very successful yarn alternative for the Athena's Shawl. It is after all a Shawl for the Woman Warrior and the Daring Man. I want to thank Erica from Kollage yarn for the great yarn. Thanks for stopping by!


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3M makes really neat metal "looking" hooks and that is what I intended to get when I went to Target {I ♥ ♥ ♥ Tarjay}. The metal "looking" hooks they had were beautiful and almost eight bucks a piece. I needed 4 of them. I am not great at math, but figured that would be about $28 or would be $32....yeah $32. I told you I wasn't good at math. Anyhow, since I didn't want to spend thirty-two bucks {I am trying to cut cost wherever I can to pay for gas...ughh} I decided to go with these.
These came with 2 in a pack for less than $4. They are also designed {or the sticky stuff anyhow} for the bathroom and high moisture areas.
Then I went to the hardware store and picked up a can of spray paint that looks like metal for $7.
Then I spray painted them and let them dry.
I think they look pretty good.
Now I have 4 hooks for the kids where they can reach them in the bathroom. My goal with these hooks {that ONLY cost me around $15 BTW} is to cut down on my full time job of laundry!!!!!!! Wish me luck!
The Farmer's Wife


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A user reported today that they were trying to query a table with 181 records and the output stopped at 178 and just hung there. I tried to replicate this and the same thing happened – also couldn't run a Select (*) on the table. So I pulled up the Activity Monitor for the server and observed that there was only one query in process – the hung query. It listed the process as being suspended with a Wait Type of
LCK_M_S. Some quick searching told me that the task was waiting to acquire a shared lock. However, it was not obvious what was locking the table. What to do?
After some more searching, I found two more posts that gave advice on what to do in the given scenario:
- Sql Server Locks, a Sleeping Process Still Holds Them
- SQL SERVER – Quickest Way to Identify Blocking Query and Resolution – Dirty Solution
Based on these, I did the following:
- Ran
Exec sp_who2through Sql Management Studio. This gave me a list of all current processes. There was only one open process on this database at the time, so it was the likely culprit.
- Next, ran the code in the Sql Server Locks article above to show the process that was locking my table. Bingo – process 52.
USE DBNAME; GO; DECLARE @dbid INT ; --what's the dbid for DBNAME? SET @dbid = DB_ID() ; DECLARE @objectid INT ; --what's objectid for our demo table? SET @objectid = OBJECT_ID(N'TABLENAME') ; --look at locking in the DB SELECT resource_type ,resource_database_id ,resource_associated_entity_id ,request_mode ,request_type ,request_session_id FROM sys.dm_tran_locks WHERE resource_database_id = @dbid ; --limit the results to only the offending table SELECT * FROM sys.dm_tran_locks WHERE resource_database_id = @dbid AND resource_associated_entity_id = @objectid ;
After I had confirmed the identity of the process, I ran
Kill 52 to kill the offending process. Everything immediately started working again with the table.
(After the fact, went back through the code with my team and found the spot where someone was running
db.Connection.BeginTransation() on a data context that already had an open transaction, causing an error: "
SqlConnection does not support parallel transactions". And to make things worse, this was done outside of the
try/catch/finally structure that ensured that any open transactions would be committed. Oy.)
As Pinal Dave writes:
As mentioned earlier, if you kill something important on your production server, there's a great possibility that you'll face some serious integrity issues, so I there's no way I advise use this method. As the title goes, this is a dirty solution so you must utilize this only if you are confident.
It is important to keep that in mind. But that said, this technique for identifying and killing a hung transaction can definitely come in handy. (And be sure to backup your DB and transaction logs regularly!)


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States News Roundup
Acting on a recommendation of Gov. Lamar Alexander, the Tennessee Board of Education has approved a computer-literacy plan that would require 15 hours of instruction each year for students in the 7th and 8th grades.
The program, called "Computer Skills Next," was developed by a 16-member committee appointed by the board.
It established the committee last summer, after the Governor asked members to consider a computer-literacy program for junior-high-school students.
Part of the committee's task was to work out a definition of computer literacy. "We've tried to define computer literacy as understanding the history and development of computers, their basic function and operation, and being able to understand simple programs," said Robert L. McElrath, state commissioner of education.
The committee recommended that the state begin phasing in the program in 1983, and make it mandatory by the 1985-86 school year.
Training personnel to instruct the students would be a major component of the plan. The committee suggested 60 experts be trained to teach 700 local computer-resource specialists who would work with students. The group also recommended providing all 4,300 7th- and 8th-grade teachers in the state with two days of computer-literacy training.
The committee estimated that about 4,430 microcomputers would be needed to put the plan into effect. It must first be funded by the state general assembly.
The Maryland Court of Appeals ruled last month in favor of two school psychologists (and the school board that employed them) named in an ''education malpractice" suit by the parents of a handicapped student who said their child was improperly placed in classes for the mentally retarded.
In a 4-to-3 decision, the court said the Montgomery County school dis-trict cannot be sued unless the action against the student was taken maliciously.
The court said that unless there is clearly malicious intent, school districts should be immune from "education malpractice" suits.
The student, known only as John Doe, was diagnosed in 1967 by the school district as "retarded or borderline intellectual level functioning."
A year later, a private physician diagnosed his condition as dyslexia, a neurological disorder, not related to intelligence, that impairs a person's ability to read.
The student graduated from high school in 1979, reading at a third-grade level.
In the dissenting opinion, the minority said the case involved medical--not educational--malpractice, "a cause of action that has long been cognizable in Maryland courts."
John Domingus, attorney for the "Doe" parents, said the parents intend to appeal the decision of the Maryland court to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Vol. 02, Issue 17
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But in all honesty, it makes me realize I am definitely doing the right thing these days. Because! I am just not that good at human biology. Poorly structured class or not, it's just not my thing. Writing is my thing because I love it and I can do it without wanting to completely off myself. Human biology, however, is not my thing. I don't love it and I definitely warped into a super dramatic version of myself tonight in the text's I sent to people complaining about how hard and horrible it was. And if today had been my last day on earth, I kind of think that the way I spent it studying for a genetics test is the very last way I would have wanted to spend it. Ethics? Sure. Lit? Sure. But genetics? Absolutely not.
Two good things happened today, though. Two good things that would have made today, if it had been the last day that I lived, an acceptable pass. And not because of what I was doing but rather that one of my favorite people said something small and probably not meant to be so funny but made me laugh for hours. And then at lunch, she allowed me to take this picture of her and post it on Instagram. Then there's sitting back after taking it and the reminder that to see this amazing person I get to call a friend doing what she loves with so much passion and excelling GREATLY is truly something else. It's inspiring. And if not for her, I probably wouldn't have realized that human biology was absolutely not what I loved. I'm so glad my homework every night involves something I love as much as she loves anatomy and physiology.
"I listened to the Mulan soundtrack on my way to school today and it was the most inspiring bike ride of my life."
You rock my world.


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How Important Are Your Business Website's Interior Pages?
Posted March 14, 2011on:
The other pages on your business website are just as important as your homepage. In fact, they may require even more attention than your homepage because they are more detailed and specific, rather than giving your customers a generalization of your product and company.
It is important to spend a lot of time and effort on your other pages because according to Entrepreneur.com, almost four out of every 10 visitors to a website enter the site from somewhere other than the homepage. This could be the blog, the about page, or even the sales page. That's why it's so important to make sure every page has an adequate amount of information – and it sells.
Review your web analytics and see what pages people are landing on when they first visit your business website. If it's not your homepage, you have some work to do.
What to have on your interior web pages
According to Entrepreneur.com, there is a short list of absolute necessities to include on your interior pages. These are:
- Company logo and tagline
- Consistent navigation (including search)
- Call to action both above and below the fold (on the page before you scroll down and after)
- Clear, concise, compelling, and grammatically correct copy
- Consistent design and color scheme to establish brand presence, and
- Advertisements to promote featured products, services and special offers
Each page on your business website should clearly state what you offer and why it is beneficial to the consumer. It should guide the visitor to your product sales page with effective calls to action. Pay attention to small details, as they will help you in the long run.
Your business website and its accessibility is critical to your company's online success. If each page doesn't have the care and precision you've dedicated to your homepage, then you've wasted your time. Your business website is there to give a professional, valuable, and rewarding experience to your customers.


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Lyanda and Claire with Marigold the Buff Orpington and Esmeralda the Barred Rock.
For today's garden tour, we're headed to Seattle to visit Lyanda Haupt, author of Crow Planet, and her Tangled Nest garden. Come along. You're in for a treat!
Views from above, with a glimpse of the vintage pond in the shady patio corner. As you see, we haven't removed all the grass, though I think if we lived in a part of the country where grass required maintenance, we would. Here we never water, never fertilize, barely mow, and don't worry about dandelions--we eat them, feed them to the chickens, or leave them to the butterflies. It's nice to have a place to spread an old quilt for reading or playing games.
Tell us a little about your family and your garden.
I live in Seattle with my hubby Tom, and our 11 year old daughter, Claire. About 5 years ago we moved into this 1920s West Seattle farmhouse--though it's no longer on a farm, but surrounded by the smaller houses that grew up around it in the 1940s, and is not far from a busy road.
When we moved in, the house itself had been completely restored, but the yard was mainly grass and a few shrubs. When I looked at the photo of the house from Seattle's 1938 photographic home census, I was struck by the presence of fruit trees, a chicken coop, and a big garden (along with a "whooping cough quarantine" sign on the door!), and was inspired to continue this farm house's restoration, by bringing something of the "farm" back.
Chrysanthemum the Rhode Island Red looks longingly at the garden lettuce. She could eat it all in about three minutes!
We dug up a bunch of grass to convert into mounded raised veggie beds, added columnar apples and a four-way Asian pear, and parlayed our chicken-keeping experience (we had hens at our previous house) into designing a beautiful coop for our four laying hens. The coop is integrated into the new garden (I see these aspects of our food-life--chickens and garden--as intimately connected). When we first dug up the grass and brought in soil for the beds, I looked around at the muddy, February mess and started to cry. Now our garden is one of my favorite places on earth.
Pretty thunbergia twining up the cold frame.
Did you grow up with a garden?
My mom always had a small kitchen garden, and I definitely grew up with the idea that keeping a garden was just part of life. When I was in fourth grade I read Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Secret Garden, and that put the idea of having my own garden into my head. I asked my parents if I could have a "bit of earth." Right away, my dad helped me make a raised bed, outlined in cinder blocks. I grew radishes, carrots, and other simple, yummy things, and filled the holes in the blocks with nasturtium seeds -- so pretty and easy.
What are some easy ways to include children in the day to day aspects of keeping a garden?
My daughter Claire has her own garden plot, where she gets to grow whatever she wants. This year it's carrots, peppers, bush beans, sunflowers, and cosmos, in addition to the usual small strawberry patch.
I really believe that giving kids a spot of their own is exciting and inspiring for them, even if it's small. Growing from seeds is miraculous -- just make sure to plan for success by planting things that are easy to grow. The radishes, carrots, and nasturtiums of my own childhood garden were perfect, and a spectacular scarlet runner bean tee pee is fail-safe, spectacular, and fun.
Now that Claire's older, she is trying some trickier things (like peppers in Seattle--that definitely takes some coddling!). When we make an effort to involve them, kids find natural joy in gardening, and are so much more likely to love homegrown foods.
Sunflowers brought light to this dark Seattle summer!
How does living in Seattle influence your garden design?
This summer has been particularly cold and dark, and Seattleites spent much of July and early August in polar fleece instead of tank tops. The average amount of cloud cover in Seattle during these months is 1.6 hours per day, this year it was almost nine hours per day -- the darkest Seattle summer on record! So it's a rough one for gardeners.
We have beautiful plants this year -- flourishing green tomatoes, zukes, cukes, pumpkins -- but very little ripening fruit. It's frustrating. Because even normal Seattle summers are rarely hot, we have created our garden beds at the south end of the yard, where they'll get the most sun exposure. We chose mounded raised beds rather than wooden frames for ease and flexibility of form, but also because of the weather--the wet Seattle spring is an invitation to slugs, which love to hide in the corners of wood frames.
We did, however, use one of the old wooden windows from our basement to build a cold frame that allows us to extend the short Seattle growing season on both ends. And our location definitely limits the things we can grow -- no avocados, citrus, any of the beautiful things folks can grow farther south. Lots of kale, broccoli, and lettuce!
We consider the food life of the garden and chicken coop to be an extension of our other home habits. Here, the clothesline stretches across Claire's vegetable and sunflower bed.
What was on your must-grow list this year?
Because I want to make sure the things we grow actually get eaten, I focus on growing what we all truly love. That means lots of Cascadia snap peas -- our favorite. Every year I try one new winter squash -- this season it is Mrs. Sawyer's Sweet Potato Squash. And after growing the gorgeous heirloom Striped German tomato last year, I knew I would always have one of those!
View to the chicken coop through the tangled almost-autumn garden--such a change from the tidy green rows of June.
What garden blogs, websites, and books inspire you the most?
I love the sites that integrate gardening into family life, home life, and a habit of being that recognizes our continuity with the natural world. For inspiration on the web I often turn to Four Green Acres and the blog of nature writer Susan J. Tweit, called Walking Nature Home. My favorite garden book is still The Secret Garden!
Lyanda in her garden.
Why do you garden?
I just find so much joy in nurturing a connection between our household and the soil upon which we live. In gardening, my family and I find ourselves involved daily with the local cycles of weather, sun, soil, season, wildlife, food, sustenance, right here outside our door. It's a sensibility that carries over into the rest of our lives, and the fact that it results in the best earthly food to grace our family table is a delight!
Sweet pea tee pee. I love to integrate vertical structures and vining flowers into the garden. In this chilly Seattle growing season, the sweet peas continue to bloom in August!What advice or tips do you have for beginning gardeners?
Start out growing a few simple foods that you love. Ask for help from seasoned gardening friends, or the folks at the farmer's market -- find out what grows easily where you live. And mix easy-to-grow flowers with your veggies! Sweet peas, sunflowers, cosmos, marigolds.
Companion planting is sometimes good for pest control, but I love growing flowers just because they bring beauty, inspiration, and joy. If you end up in a nearly tomato-less Seattle summer like this one, you can rest your eyes on the gorgeous sunflowers and remember that gardening, no matter how it turns out, is always worth it.
Lyanda Lynn Haupt, is the mother of Claire, wife of Tom and a nature writer based in Seattle. Though her new book, Crow Planet, celebrates urban nature, she never meant to live in a city. As a young, tree-hugging, earth-mother-to-be, she was sure she would end up in some funky cabin-esque home, surrounded by meadows and woodlands, frolicking barefoot with her daughter as the bell on their cow tinkled. That's not at all what happened.
She settled in Seattle where she worked for an environmental organization, and her husband worked in global health for the University of Washington. She birthed the presaged girl, cut back her work hours, and wrote her first book from their tiny house during Claire's naps. To stave off latent cow yearnings, she and her husband installed a backyard chicken coop with four beautiful laying hens and grew a huge garden.
All images via Lyanda Lynn Haput