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Authors Preface
All stories are somehow derivative. Whether from what we've read, seen or experienced. And this is no exception. All I can do is list from where I think the derivation is coming. Firstly a lot of my feelings and personal experiences are in this story. The Parallel world concept is a recurring science fiction theme. Clifford Simak is one such author mentioned in this story. There's lots more of course. Changing minds also is a popular theme in many stories and instant transference has been made popular courtesy of Star Trek. My first memory of this comes from Van Vogt and his Gilbert Gosseyn series - the man with the extra brain who could memorise locations at the atomic level and transfer there instantly. I've read SF since I was 13 when a neighbour lent me translation from Russian of a book looking at what might happen when WW3 turned up. It stuck in my mind forever even if I can't remember the title! Cities like World Central have also been described in many books and films. "Back to the Future" also had an alternative world where corruption and violence was a way of life. I didn't consciously "steal" from any of these sources but I guess these and more have strongly influenced my style. Anyhow, as my first long short story, I hope you enjoy it.
Copyright Notice: This story may be copied in any format whether hard copy or electronic for private use only. It must not be sold, altered in any way or incorporated into magazines (paper or electronic), web sites or any other publication or presentation without the author's explicit written permission. Any copy made of this story must be in its entirety including this copyright notice.
When puberty hit, I hated it. I already knew by looking at the year 10 boys at school what was in store for me - and it was not nice. Big bulging lump sticking out of their throats, pimples and hair erupting their way through protesting roughening skin. Yuck! I never quite believed in God - or disbelieved, but every night I prayed to whoever, "Please, please, no hair - not like them - I am not growing hair on my face!". Night after night I offered my prayer to whoever might hear. And so far, so good. I've no facial hair, just a soft down on my face. "Late puberty" my parents said, but I knew better.
I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My voice had broken - I'd forgotten about praying to stop that and I had known nothing about hormones - when they started, what they did. But now in Biology, we'd learned some genetics - amazing stuff- DNA and how it's code controlled who we are - a slight zap here, a change there and we have a monkey or a dolphin. How did each cell know what it was supposed to be? "I'm a brain cell, liver cell, nerve cell" and so on - each differentiated, each a little factory taking in raw materials and spewing out sophisticated chemical and/or electrical triggers. And every cell integrated to make a whole person!
What made me male? I knew it was the XY gene - in girls it was XX, but not much more. When I had been one cell, one egg and one sperm, what bit of my gene said male and not female? I imaged it. This single cell with no Y gene, whatever that was. Slowly, step by step, I animated that cell division in my mind - I'd seen it enough times in my computer encyclopaedia. I stood up and looked in my wardrobe mirror. I still looked the same - 16 year old boy in long pants, open necked shirt, boy's face turning into a man. Oh God - no!!! So, OK, come on John, accept it - I'm transsexual - like I saw in the tele. Dr. whathisname became Dr.whatsername. I could do it too. Shit! What's Mum say? And Dad? "Oh, hi folks, I'm not really John, just call me Jane.". I shuddered and sat on the edge of my bed, face buried in my hands.
I knew what I must do. I had to get female hormones and block out the testosterone. We'd learnt that it's made in the testes - duhh - that's why they're called testes dumbo! And female hormones are produced in the .... the.... I grabbed my biology book frantically fingering the index - Hormones,.... Adrenal - yes, adrenal gland - where's that. I shut my eyes, holding the book tight - imaging adrenal glands pouring out female hormones. No chance. This was crap. I undressed, looking at my rapidly developing body, the knobbly bony legs, the darkening hair on my legs and arms and around my penis, my boy/man face under my straight brown hair. No Pamela Anderson, that's for sure.
I climbed into bed and shut my eyes.
Adrenal Glands and XX genes whirled in my head. OK. Let's do this by imaging - I saw myself lying on my bed, naked. Slowly I let my mind scan over my body - starting with my head, I imagined it changing, my head, my face becoming more and more feminine, pretty. My nose was now smaller, my cheekbones higher, shoulders narrower. Down to my chest. It was easy to see my breasts forming, pushing up, my very shape changing. Hips pushing out my body and widening, bum becoming fuller. I focused on my hated penis. I saw it shrivel up and disappear under a mat of fine fuzzy hair. My legs lengthened and became curvier and finer. I held the image steady in my mind. There I was, a girl, lying naked on my bed. I started my chant, "I am now changing into a girl, I am now becoming a girl, I am now....". I must have fallen asleep. I was dreaming. I was in a beauty parade. All the girls from school were there. I knew that I was a girl - a stunning girl. A man came forward with first prize. I was overcome. Then I saw a shocked look come over his face as I felt my body change back to my boy shape. My breasts deflated, my shape straightened and became harder. I was shrieking, "No, Oh, No, Help me!!!!". I woke up in a sweat still shaking. My breathing was very fast - the dream whirled in my mind and slowly faded. I started crying softly into my pillow and then just lay there, thinking and thinking. I felt my body. Exactly the same. It was a stupid idea anyhow. I fell asleep exhausted.
I felt myself coming out of a very deep sleep and strange dreams. I remember seeing a girl in a park. She was almost me, but not me and she was chanting something too. It was still completely dark. Was I going to be tired in the morning! I lay there remembering my dream about the beauty contest. I knew then that my life as a boy had to end, no matter what the cost. I had to be a girl - I just had to! Funny. I felt strange. Very very strange. I felt sort of, sort of calmer, different, warmer, fatter or ... or something was on my chest - odd feeling that - I felt with apprehension. Lumps - round lumps - my God - some kind of tumour - my sleep befuddled brain tried to think through the problem. No, I'm dreaming still. I know - like when you dream you're awake but you're not and then the bogey man comes into your room. I slumped back again into a deep sleep, exhausted.
My mum always wakes me for school. I heard her voice from so far away - I never wanted to let go of my wonderful dreams - dreams in which I was always a girl - irresistibly cute, very girlie with big tits and bum and a very short skirt. I moaned. "C'mon sleepy head", she said cheerfully", school. I forced my eyes open and then shut them again. Not Wednesday! Sport - how I hated sport! Football - bloody football. I'd never learnt which end was which so I was never picked for a team - thank God for that. "Hey. Get up or you'll be late for school young lady.". The words layered down through my fogged brain. What had she said???!!! I sat up in shock! The blankets fell from my body revealing two very large breasts that bounced a little as I stared at them. I fainted.
My mother was holding my hand and slapping ,my face not so gently. My father was saying, "The doctor will be here in a few minutes". "What happened?" I said.
My voice - it was so high - what was wrong? I tried to sit up but my mother held me firmly down.
"No dear, just lie there - the doctor will be here soon". She was. My parents left the room. She sat next to me on a chair - felt my pulse and started timing on her watch.
"Hmm. A bit fast" - blood pressure was next. The inflated bulb hissed at me. "Normal too". OK, do you have your period now? They have started?"
I could only mumble. This was crazy. I must still be asleep.
"You just lie there. I'll be back - don't move now". She left and closed the door gently behind her. I could hear her voice muffled through the thin wall. "She seems disoriented - it's not like her at all. Has she started her period?". My mother, " yes, yes, for about 6 months now - it's a bit late, but I remember that I was too."
Must wake up. I pinched myself hard. Nothing happened. I gingerly lifted the blankets and peered under. My God! My holy God! I saw in the gloom of the blankets - a woman's body. Breasts, a curvy sort of shape and and - I moved my hand down and felt between my legs. No penis! I fainted again.
I woke up in the ambulance - the siren cut in and out and then was silent. "I opened my eyes - I felt like my brain was in a fog, then I remembered. This was crazier and crazier - had I lost my mind was that it? I'd been living in my girl dream world too much. "You're awake Jennifer", How do you feel". Dr. Fleet smiled, but look worried. I became aware of a beeping and saw a wire going from my ear to a machine. "Um, OK, really, OK", I said weakly. If this was a dream, it sure was a doozey.
I was lifted out of the ambulance and wheeled into admissions. Full checks - EKG, brain waves, blood pressure.. Dr. Fleet came around the bed.
"Well, we can't find anything at all, but I'm going to keep you in overnight for observation - if all's OK tomorrow, you can go home". She paused and continued in a more personal tone. "Has something happened?"
I struggled with words, "No, no Dr. noth..., nothing I can think of". I smiled weakly"
Well", she smiled, "You can trust me you know. I brought you into the world"
She had too. This bright eyed kindly women had - but not as a girl surely.
"Dr. Fleet?".
"Yes Jenny".
"Was there....was there... something...uh different about me when I was born?"
"Different? In what way?".
"Um... just different - like, you knew I was a girl?"
"She looked puzzled, "There was no doubt or mix-up if you mean that. Why do you ask?"
"Um, nothing, really nothing, it's OK". I had to be careful. Too many strange things said and I'd be in here for ever.
"OK, we'll move you into a room soon - until then, just rest, OK?"
"Sure, doc, I'll be fine. Thanks a lot". She left, I shut my eyes. What was going on? Was I always a girl and I had imagined I was a boy? I searched my memories. No girl memories - lots of girl wishes - but no memories.
The door opened slowly and my mother peeked around the corner and came in closing the door gently behind her.
"Hi Jenny. I've brought your bathroom things and a nightie and a change of clothes - oh - and some magazines to look at when you're feeling OK"
"Ah, thanks Mum." I glanced at the unfamiliar bathroom bag with flowers on it. She busied herself hanging up the clothes and then came and sat very close to my bed. She looked worried.
"Jenny, do they know what's wrong?". I smiled weakly.
"Gosh mum", I tried to smile, "I only just got here. They said if all's OK I can go home tomorrow.". She placed a hand on my brow.
"You don't feel fevered." She looked at me puzzled. "But I know something's the matter. You seem so, um, no, I don't know." She smiled. "Must go, Dad's at work - he'll drop in on his way home, OK? And if there's anything you want, just ring.".
"OK, thanks Mum. I..I think I just need to rest, that's all really."
"OK, take care."
She got up and left. I stared at this amazing flower patterned bathroom bag. I reached down and retrieved it. Unzipping it I saw.... tampons! - Oh God, really??? Me? Periods? And some make-up - like a dream come true - my Mum bringing me make-up! And a mirror. I grabbed it and stared. A girl almost a woman, she looked like me very much but every male feature was absent - my nose was smaller, my skin smoother my face and cheek-bones rounder and my hair hung over my eyes but was cut very short - same colour as before, brown and my eyes blue-green - also the same. I lay back and shut my eyes. What had happened?
There was a knock on the door. "Come in!". A blonde girl about my age came quietly into the room. Her short blonde hair set off her extraordinarily shapely figure. Chrissie! Chrissie! Chrissie from my class. One of the class cuties. I'd spent many jealous nights thinking of Chrissie - both as a sexy girl and a role model -and she was here! We were never friends. We'd never even met outside of school and she was here to see me! Stranger and stranger.
"Hi Jenny.".
Her voice was husky and warm. Her blue eyes seemed to be eating me up. She came over and kissed me directly on the lips. A long and sensual kiss. What on earth was this about? She moved back a few centimetres and I could smell her sweet body and breath. "Kiss it better?" She smiled sexily. I was stunned out of my brain. Are all my fantasies coming true? - I must really have lost my marbles. She sat on the bed and held my trembling hand. "OK, Jen, what's going on?".
"I don't know Chrissie, I er, fainted at home this morning, twice, and then went a bit of vague on everyone - so - they stuck me here - they haven't found anything and if I'm OK overnight I can go home.".
Chrissie suddenly looked very serious. "Jenny, can I ask you a personal question?"
"How would you describe our relationship, our friendship?". She waited.
"I, er.... we are..." How on earth can I get this right? "....very good friends.". With a kiss like that we had to be.
"I thought so", she whispered and came within centimetres of my face. "Wrong. We're lovers -lesbian lovers" She savoured the words.
"What?" I stuttered. "I'm sorry Chrissie, but I..I just can't remember - some kind of amnesia I guess.". Chrissie sat back on the chair.
"No. That's not the right answer You're not Chrissie - that's the right answer.". I was really stuck. I was in a leaky space station and the oxygen was running out very fast. I decided not to bluff.
"What do you know about this Chrissie? What's going on? Am I crazy or what? If you know something for heavens sake tell me!". I started crying - Chrissie handed me a tissue. She softened and took my hand in hers again.
"I'm sorry Jenny or whoever you are. I'm sorry - it's not your fault."
A nurse put her head around the door. "Two minutes only please".
"Look, you're not crazy OK? I don't have time now, but when you're back home I'll tell you everything. Listen. Anything I can tell you so you can get out of here?"
"I don't think so. Those are my parents and I've known Dr. Fleet all my life. Apart from you, everyone thinks I've always been Jennifer, but, but,...... I haven't."
"I know - look - just hang in there and I'll come round to your place tomorrow OK?". I nodded. I'm hoping you can tell me a few things too. She blew me a kiss from the door and then smiled sheepishly. "Habit - bye".
She was gone leaving her scent, both perfume and body exquisitely entwined. I stared unbelievingly at the door.
In my dreams I was being chased along hospital corridors by John, my old self who shouted "Stop, come back with that body! Stop!" He was getting closer. A side door opened and Chrissie pulled me through and slammed it shut. "There's someone you must meet" she said. And pointed to John, who smiled as he walked towards me. "I've been waiting for you". He started to pull me roughly towards him. I woke up screaming. A nurse rushed into the room.
"What's up?".
"Oh, just a bad dream, that's all, sorry. Guess I'm not used to hospitals. Sorry."
In the morning I was not allowed to shower, and the nurses insisted washing me in my bed. How embarrassing - still, I got a good look at my new body. It was fantastic - beyond my wildest dreams. I was a girl! Oh joy! Oh wondrous joy!
After the medical I was discharged and my mother notified. I sorted through the clothes my mother had brought. I had a lot of trouble figuring out how my bra worked but with some amazing gold medal gymnastics I got it done up. My breasts felt cosy and strange nestled into my white bra. Pulling my knickers up and over my hips and seeing them rest there without any lump underneath - Oh God - if I had to die now, it'd been worth it. Maybe I had and this was heaven??? Somehow I didn't think so. I went and stared at my reflection in the full length mirror on the cupboard. Bra, panties and a woman's body I'm female. Tears came to my eyes. Oh how wonderful, how fantastically marvellous. I wiped my eyes and then looked at what remained - socks, jeans and ti-shirt, trainers - that I can manage. Well, pulling the jeans over my wide hips was a very odd feeling. I went back to the mirror. Wow - I filled the ti-shirt perfectly. One sexy chick and it's me!
Now that I'd accepted who I was things went better. Almost everything my parents discussed, I knew about from before. It was only when the subject touched on me being female did the story differ. We ate tea together as usual and the conversation was not at all different from what I expected. "Dr. Fleet said to keep you at home for the next two days and if you felt OK, then you can go back to school. I don't want you missing too much at this stage.". "Sure, Dad".
I heard the doorbell. "Chrissie's here!"
"Thanks Mum".
"Hi Jenny". Chrissie came into my room with an easy familarity. "Wanna go for a walk? It's easier to talk freely.".
I nodded. "Mum", I said going in to the lounge, "Chrissie and I are going for a walk.".
"Sure, if Chrissie's with you that's OK. Fresh air'll do you good. Don't be long.".
We walked for a while in silence. "Let's go to the park. It's still light and we can sit down. So, how d'you feel?"
"Better thanks. Now that I accept I am really Jenny, then, no problems at all.". I smiled and shrugged. We reached the park and sat on one of the more secluded benches. Opposite us, a boy was throwing a stick to a dog. This scene looked strangely familiar but I couldn't place it. "Well?" I asked. "If you know something, anything, tell me, please!".
"Oh. I know a lot. Jenny, the.. other Jenny, well, I already said, we were lovers."
"The other Jenny?" Suddenly things clicked into place. Of course, I wasn't crazy. Somehow this Jenny and this world had always been here and I... I came from .... where? I felt dazed. Chrissie continued.
"I guess it must be quite a shock for you. Jenny, the original Jenny, well, she...she always wanted to be a boy and..."
"I always wanted to be a girl." I said quietly.
"What? You were a boy!" I nodded. She lumped back on the bench. "You were a boy. I see. That explains a lot. Dream come true."
"Yes. You can't possible imagine how much I wanted to be a girl!"
"Oh, I think I can." She nodded to herself. "That's probably why this swap worked. You both wanted it so much.. Oh, hell, what a mess!".
I didn't think so, but changed the subject. "How long were you two a... an item?"
"Two years". Chrissie smiled. Boy, did she have a warm smile. I can see why I, I mean, Jenny fell in love with her. Two years. Two years with Chrissie. Bliss! And I don't even remember it.
She paused. "Yeah, well, we'd learnt a bit about genetics in Biology and the difference between girls and boys XX and stuff" I nodded.
"Yes, so did I.".
"Well, she had this idea that we could somehow tell the body to change it. We didn't know how, but every night we'd meet here in the Park and chant.".
"Chant? Chant....chant". Yes! I remember that, like in a dream or something. So maybe it was Jenny I saw in my dream....in this park!
"Yes, maybe. I don't know. OK, it sounds crazy, but we chanted . She chanted and used imaging too - seeing the XX changing to a XY in her mind, you know. And imaging that her body was becoming male"
"Yes, I was doing exactly the same thing. Unbelievable.". "I said.
"We did for this weeks and nothing happened. Then one day, Jenny met me at lunch time. She'd started reading this book about parallel worlds. That maybe hundreds or even millions of copies of one world existed in different dimensions. And each world was different from the next. So, the next thing we tried was imaging that there was a world in which she was a boy and I was there too. Nothing happened after a week of that too. I guess I'd accepted that this was all a bit crazy, but I knew Jenny hadn't. When I heard about what had happened to you, I was pretty sure that she had succeeded. And, when I saw you, I knew she had. Only problem was, I was still here. So, I figure she's in your world and your in her's. And you're both probably very happy. But I'm not.".
"Well, in one sense Jenny's still here, it's just that she's me now.".
"C'mon, you're not my Jenny. Her body's here, but not her mind. - believe me."
I had hoped I could pick up where the other Jenny stopped, but it wasn't looking good.
"How come your parents don't notice a difference I don't know. You're like wine and water.".
"Yeah, well I won't guess who's the water then.". She smiled at that.
"Look. Jenny was, well, boyish and I loved that in her. You are...girlish and... not Jenny." She finished lamely.
"Even though you're lesbian, I don't think you're boyish at all." I blurted out. Chrissie smiled.
"But I sure like girls.". She leaned over and gave me one of those sensuous lip kisses.
I gasped. Her kiss sent an electric charge round my body. "I, I could learn".
"Maybe, but, sorry, you're not my Jenny and whatsmore - I want her back."
"I'm not going back" I almost shouted.
"Ssh, probably she doesn't want to come back either." She slumped back on the bench. "I dunno. I guess neither of us believed that something would happen. It was only a game, a fantasy, something for Jenny to believe in. I never dreamt she'd be really gone.". She had a hollow look in her eyes. "She didn't change of course, but swapped places with you - wherever you were - another world - I don't know and don't care - I just want my Jenny back." Tears came into her eyes. I eased my arm around her back. She didn't resist and snuggled up to me. "Old habits die hard!" she smiled through her tears.
"So, what really happened?" I said. "Parallel worlds. I've read about that in Clifford Simak's books. "Ring around the Sun". Same as what you said. Some worlds completely different. Others the same except for small things"
"Like your sex.".
"Yes" I said "Like my sex. There maybe hundreds of worlds - maybe an infinite number. So, in the tenth world away from ours,..uh, yours, maybe Hitler won the war, or Russian Rule never ended and so on. And in some, maybe I never even existed." Chrissie looked at me intently.
"So, perhaps there's thousands of Jenny's, not just one."
"Maybe, I don't know. Maybe Jenny only exists in this world - who knows? It explains what's happened though."
"And maybe only in one are we lovers."
Chrissie sighed. "Look, I, I have to tell you. I do want the real Jenny back - or I want to join her wherever she is. I don't know anymore. I suppose I'm warning you Jenny, that I'm going to try to bring my Jenny back. At least I know what we did to make this happen so maybe I can unmake it happen too."
My dream was in grave danger. "C'mon Chrissie. There's big difference now and that's that neither of us want to go back.".
"Speak for yourself and not my Jenny." She was angry now. "You don't know how's she's feeling, do you?". She stood up. "You've had your warning. I'm going to try. Maybe I can't do it, Maybe I can.". Silence. "I'll walk you home." I kept sitting on the bench numb.
No, she can't take this away from me. "I'd rather die." I said hoarsely. Chrissie looked at me intently.
"Yes, I believe you.". She walked me home in silence. What else was there too say.
At the gate, I turned to her, "I'll fight you every centimetre of the way. I'm not going back Chrissie. Goodbye.". I walked up the path leaving Chrissie's strong determined figure watching me.
The next few weeks were bliss even with Chrissie's threat running around my mind. Every day just got better and I thought less and less of what she had said. Even my periods were a joy. I proudly carried around a few tampons in my bag like a membership badge. Luckily there were instructions on use in the packet. The first time felt so strange. But I finally got it in place. When to take it out? I had no idea. I rang Chrissie. She wasn't in my address book, but I found her easily in the telephone book. She laughed. A beautiful pure clear happy sound. "You crack me up, you really do girl.".
The things I learnt!. Make-up, dress sense, hair, getting rid of unwelcome boys.... and men. More tips from Chrissie. Thank heavens she was there. There was no- one else I could ask without making things worse for myself. I found that I had different friends from before. More boys and I was successful at sports. My new body was very fit and I worked hard to keep it that way. I had a lot to live up to and sometimes I knew I'd said something "unJennylike" when people looked at me strangely. But I learned fast and these incidents got fewer and fewer.
"I guess you're safe." Chrissie confessed to me one day. "I've been chanting and imaging for weeks now, and you're still here. Mind you, you're not the real Jenny, even if you are pretty cute.". My heart raced. What was about to happen? We were sitting in the park - one of our favourite spots now. She looked at me for a while. "I've thought an awful lot about this." I held my breath. "I'm sorry Jen, I...just can't accept you as my Jenny and I just can't get it into my heart that you're someone else."
My heart rose with fear. "What do you mean?".
"I think you know what I mean. Look,... I know we're in the same class, but.... apart from that, I,... I don't think we should see each other anymore - at all.". I was stunned."
"I don't want that. I want to keep seeing you.".
"Jenny, our relationship is more like a "tips and tricks in makeup" class. Let's face it. The spark died when my Jenny left. I'm sorry. I really am. I do understand how you must feel - I knew how she felt about wanting to be a boy. We talked about it a lot. We'd fantasise - she'd hold me in her strong arms and make love very slowly to me. But, keeping on seeing you like this is pulling me apart."
"Chrissie, please don't do this." I pleaded. "You've no idea how much I need you."
"Yes, need me, not love me. My mind's made up. Look,... take care, will you.". She kissed me quickly on the cheek and walked briskly away. But I knew she was crying - I tried to blink my tears back and failed. It was just too much to take.
We never did talk again. Except when we had to in class. It nearly killed me and I suspect her too. Chrissie started to look very tired, but anytime I tried to talk to her outside the class, she'd just walk away. She's strong Chrissie, Very strong.
I woke up and knew something was wrong. Oh, God, not back, please God and all the Angels, please, not back. I lay very still, my eyes shut, not daring to open them. I felt down between my legs. Relief! A fanny! I opened my eyes and stared. My room - it was different - very different - the paint was peeling and I had a very old cupboard - clothes and books were scattered all over the floor. I looked around. The sun shone through dirty curtains. I could smell the mustiness. I knew with a deep dread what had happened. Another world. Chrissie had succeeded but not as she intended.
Had my mind swapped? Was this Jenny's mind back in Chrissie's world? A voice snarled, "C'mon, for God's sake. You'll be fucking late again, you slack tart.".
No, it couldn't be - it just couldn't. This was a nightmare that was rapidly getting worse. My mother stuck her head around the door. I stared aghast. "What's the matta with youse? You seen a ghost or sumpfin'?" This woman was not my mother - she was a characature . Hair sticking up all over the place - a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. A dirty dressing gown half tied around her. Her face was hard and lined. Well, at least I didn't faint. I figured I wouldn't have got much sympathy if I did anyway.
"Er, OK." I couldn't bring myself to say "Mum". I went to choose something from my wardrobe. What a shock. Everything looked cheap - it was nothing like my taste in any way. Lots of short skirts tight little tops and bright garish colours. I found my school uniform. Yuck. It looked like it had never been cleaned - it was filthy. I had no choice. I had to get out of here. I put on my panties and then my bra. It was tight, very tight and my breasts stood out clearly. I definitely had bigger boobs than before and the bra was certainly not helping to hide them. I put on my blouse and then pulled on my skirt. It just covered my knickers. What was I on this planet??? A prostitute school girl??? I tried to collect books that were vaguely recognisable and then found my bag - it too was falling to pieces. I went into the kitchen. It looked like a demolition site - on a good day. My father was there - he was normally long gone to work. He was unshaved and stank of beer and cigarettes.
"How's my little girl?" he leered, He reached across and grabbed a breast. I pulled free. "What's this? Getting a bit above ourselves are we? Just watch it girl.". Amazingly, my "mother" cut in.
"Leave her alone Bert and shaddup both of youse. I gotta headache." .Someone entered the kitchen and I looked up.. A man, about 20 came in and sat down next to me. He wasn't quite as unkempt as my father but something about him made me feel very nervous.
"Well, aren't you sayin' nuffin; to your big brother?". His hand slid onto my leg and up to my knickers. I pulled it away horrified. "Stayed in yer own bed last night, didja tart?".
"Aw, forget her son, she's on rags I reckon.". Was this whole planet like this? Obsessed with sex?
"Gotta go." See you." I escaped out of the house, ran on to the street and stopped short.
The whole street had changed. It looked more like a rubbish tip than a street. It stank. Papers and rubbish littered the street. Many of the blocks were just vacant land and the houses that existed were rundown and badly in need of painting. The gardens were overgrown jungles.
A boy pulled alongside on his bike. Oh no, it was David. But it couldn't be. He leered at my legs and breasts. David was a real gentle boy - very polite and quiet - this version had "creep" written all over him.
"You, er, you know, wanna get it together tonight?". "I stopped an looked at him. I was in dangerous territory and I felt sick in my stomach.
"No David, I don't.". Thank you.".
I resumed walking. David cycled alongside. "Oh, Miss Prim eh? Miss Little Goodie Two shoes eh? You little slut. I'm gonna fuck you senseless, so you better watch out." He cycled away. A shiver ran down by back. How was I to survive here?
By now, it wasn't a great surprise when I saw the school. It badly needed painting and was made of wood and not bricks. So many changes. This was not going to be a great place to be. The nightmare pressed in. And the teachers, some new, some gone others changed almost beyond recognition. The wonderfully warm and compassionate Miss Tonkins, the English teacher, was now an older version of what I assumed Jenny was in this world. Not very nice. I was going to need all my skills of keeping males away that I had so recently learned. What hope had I dressed like a tart?
"No makeup today? What's the matter, screwing your little arse of last night were you love?". My Miss Tonkins she was not. "I think you'll be staying back tonight, won't you girl? I said, Won't you girl?". She came and stood threateningly over me - I was scared, very scared and she knew it.
"Yes, Miss Tonkins". The class tittered. She slapped me hard on the face.
"Don't be such a smartarse girl", she hissed, "You know it's Mrs. Brown - so don't try it on with me. I'm warning you".
I stayed back. She came and sat on the edge of my desk. "You know how you could get back on my good books, don't you? Eh?" By now I was hardly astonished that her hand was slowly sliding up my leg. I stumbled out of the desk. "Hey! What's got over you Miss? You've never had a problem on taking your punishment, so don't start now!". She lunged and grabbed me and held me very tight and very close. One hand was moving across my bottom and into my panties. Her smoke filled breath stank. I tried to break free. She squashed her lips onto mine and I felt her tongue in my mouth. I managed to pull away. She was furious. "What the fuck are you playing at girl? This is your last chance. Come here!" I turned and fled out of the room, Mrs. Brown nee Tonkins screaming after me.
I couldn't go back. What could I do? I ran home. Thank heavens no-one was home. I was breathless and frightened. I found some jeans and put them on. I searched for money but couldn't find any. I knew what I had to do - and it had better work. If Chrissie could chant and image, so could I.
I grabbed a jacket and ran out the house and towards the park. God, even that was different. Bottles and rubbish littered the overgrown gardens. The park was unkempt and dangerous looking. I had no choice. I was scared, but I found a place behind the bench - the bench had been vandalised and was unusable anyhow. I crouched down between some bushes. I knew I couldn't be seen, but I had to keep quiet. If the police were anything like everybody else, I could get into an awful lot worse trouble yet. I shut my eyes and started chanting under my breath. This was no idle prayer, this was life and death. I trembled, "I am moving back to the last world. I'm now moving back to the last world. I'm now moving away from this world.". I visualised that world, my parents, Chrissie - Chrissie was strong in my mind. I kept the chant going. I dare not even stop to look at the time. I had been there at least a few hours now. I guessed. No-one was going to miss me in this world. I was cold and stiff and hungry but I dare not stop. I knew I wouldn't survive another day here. Then suddenly, it worked.
Oh, thank God, wonderful Angels in Heaven! I blinked. The park was back to normal. I dusted myself down. And stood up. No, something was very different - it was me - I was female but, my breasts were smaller and... all over, I was smaller. Well, anything had to be better than that last nightmare world. I looked at my watch - it was different too, but said 9pm. I wore a much longer skirt, long sleeve blouse and jacket. I walked back. I felt safe enough - the street was well lit and I knew our area was safe. I reached my house without any problems.
Funny. The key didn't fit anymore. I rang the bell. Fear tugged at my heart. Oh, sweet glorious Angels. My mother opened it. Her face lit up. "Chrissie, what a surprise. It's very late to be out.". I nearly fainted. She looked worried. What's the matter dear? You look very pale. Do come in and sit down.". I entered. "Jenny. Chrissie's here". Oh, no. Jenny came out.
"Oh, Chrissie! I'm glad to see you. Mum. Can you make some tea please?".
"Yes dear but come and look after Chrissie, she's gone quite pale. Do you want me to get the doctor?".
"No, it's OK really thanks. I sat down." I'll be fine in a moment but I'd love a tea.". My mum dashed out into the kitchen. "Tea coming up.". We were alone.
"Are you really Jenny?". I stared at her. She stared back.
"Or should I ask, are you really Chrissie?". Damn. Until I spoke, she hadn't realised. But which Jenny was this? It wasn't me because I was Chrissie. But maybe I could be in two places at once. Everything and nothing was possible in this world. I got back didn't I?
"Last night - somehow, you brought me back here didn't you? And you're not really Chrissie, my Chrissie, are you?", Jenny said tensely.
"No. So? I'm you, I mean I'm you from the other world, I'm...." the name stuck in my throat. "I'm, I mean, I was John."
"So was I and I liked it. Bit of a wimp weren't you Johnny girl?". The real Jenny was strong and boyish but not nasty. Definitely not nasty. I could see what Chrissie saw in her. A real tomboy.
Mum came in with a tray of tea and biscuits. Good old Mum. I'm glad she didn't know what's going on at least. She sensed the mood. "I'm off to bed, so just help yourself if you want something."
"Thanks Mum" I said. Jenny glared at me. Mum was already on her way and hadn't heard. "Oops!"..
"Yeah, oops. Let me make myself very clear" Jenny said coolly. I want to go back. Or rather, I want to be a boy and I want Chrissie to be Chrissie and not you. Frankly I don't care in which world that happens. But one of us is leaving."
I must have look totally distraught. Jenny came over and put her arm around me. "Look, Chrissie, or should I say John". She caught the look on my face. "No, OK, sorry, Chrissie then. I figured out what you must have been like in your world from the way people reacted to me. You're a real softie, aren't you eh? I guess not too surprising seeing you want to stay in my old body. Now, you can either help me or not help me. And I think I can convince you it's better to help me."
Why?" I said.
"Think about it. Where are you going if Chrissie comes back here.".
I thought. "To Chrissie's body I suppose. But then where's the Chrissie from my world? The one who I didn't know?"
"No idea, but wherever she is now, I guess she'll stay there.".
The image of the last world came to me. I just hoped she wasn't there. "I hope you realise the cost of your fiddling." I accused, keeping my voice low so that mum wouldn't hear.
"Who's fiddling? OK, sure, neither of us knew what would happen. I take it back. Look, I've really no idea where Chrissie is."
"I think I do and I can't leave her there.". I filled Jenny in on the nightmare world I had just been in.
"Right. Let's be a bit systematic." Jenny said "Let's call your world, where John is, World 1, this World, 2 and that nightmare world, World 3, OK? Now the problem is to find out in which world my Chrissie is. Think. You were in World 3 and were trying to get back to this world, right?".
"And Chrissie was trying to get me back from your world.. And I was trying to get Chrissie from my world to yours so we could be together. I think it's pretty likely that my Chrissie is in your world and your Chrissie is in World 3. What a mess!"
"And the Chrissie from the World 3?" I asked?
"Oh, I've no idea. None at all.". I think that it's then that the impossibility of the whole situation hit us both. "The truth is I don't know where any of the Chrissies are, except that they're not in this world. There was a knock at the window. We both jumped in fright. Jenny went to the window and pulled open the blind. "I was wrong". It was Chrissie.
I just hoped mum would stay asleep. Two Chrissies. It was pretty clear which one this was. She wore a short skirt, bright red lipstick and heavy eye makeup. She really did look like a whore. Was all of World 3 corrupt? How could such a world function? I pointed to the door and let her in.
"What the fuck is going on?"
"Shh, my mother's asleep.". She looked around the house in awe.
"Lookat that!" It's got smaller. It's a bloody renovation or sumpin'. Classy!" She was totally confused but I admired how she hid it. "Where am I?". I saw in her a small lost child.. I guess she was normally buried pretty deep. She was scared, very scared.
Jenny was thinking. "The only problem is, where is your Chrissie? In World 1 or in her world." She nodded towards Chrissie. "God help her if she is. OK. Let's do this like chess, right? John 1 to Chrissie 2, Jenny 2 from World 1 to World 2, Chrissie 1 to Chrissie 3 and Chrissie 3 to Chrissie.... - Oh, God, I haven't got a clue."
"Look" I said, we have to assume something - it's a risk and if I'm wrong we can always move again."
"Can we?", Jenny asked. "We can probably keep moving people all right. The question is who and where!"
I knew she was right. We had opened Pandora's Box and it was too late now. "Let's assume that Chrissie 2 is on World 1 and that Chrissie 1 is on World 3."
"No, that gives us 4 Chrissies." Jenny looked forlorn.
"Right. I know, let's focus on bringing people where we want them and hope things sort out.". Jenny was looking depressed and Chrissie was pigging out on the chocolate biscuits.
Jenny tried to take control. "Right. I want to go back to World 1, you want to be Jenny, so John 1 to Jenny 2 and I want Chrissie, so that's Chrissie x, x is unknown, to Chrissie 1."
I nodded. "Sounds OK."
"Good, so, let's start."
"Hang on, what about this Chrissie?" I said pointing at Chrissie 3 who was now lying against the chair munching slowly on a biscuit. She looked glazed and her eyes were half closed.
"Oh yes, so Chrissie 3 back to World 3." We both thought about it. Chrissie 3 was now on the last biscuit, "This might have to be two jumps because you want to be me. Oh, no! Then who's John 1, assuming that no other world has a John." We looked at each other horrified.
"Look", Jenny said. "One thing's clear. Let's try to send little Miss Modesty here, back to World 3." Miss Perfect was now sound asleep and snoring. "Must be shock." Jenny said. "Heavens know what she saw on the way here. Now, you image and I'll chant. At least you've been there and know what it's like. Pick a place that you know and image that this Chrissie is there." I saw that spot in the park where I had stayed so many hours. Jenny began to chant quietly.
"This Chrissie wants to go home. This Chrissie now's going home. This Chrissie wants to go home....". Nothing happened. We looked at each other nervously.
"Look." I said. "Just keep going - we mustn't stop. This has got to work!" I closed my eyes again and saw that horrible park in my mind. That dark place between the bushes. I imaged it was night exactly as it was when I left. I could feel the damp grass on my hands and the prickly bushes against my arms. Suddenly a felt a cool breeze. Oh, no, I mustn't send myself there! I quickly imaged Chrissie lying in that place - saw her body lying between the bushes. The cool breeze stopped. I opened my eyes. I was still in the house and Chrissie was gone. We look triumphantly at each other.
"It worked. It really worked." Jenny whispered in awe.
"I nearly ended back there myself. Somehow transferring's becoming easier - and not just our minds either - we can obviously send our bodies too."
"I'm only interested in sorting this out so that we all get what we want." Jenny stated. "What worries me is that we seem to need at least two people trying to transfer before something happens. Anyhow, I'm going to try transferring back into John's, sorry, your body and you must try to transfer to mine here at the same time. If the push is big enough, it should work."
"So, who's in John's body?" I asked.
"And who lives in the house with the green door?". Jenny quipped.
I laughed. I knew what she meant. That long list of facts about who lives next to who ending with this seemingly impossible question. But the facts were always enough to solve the problem. Was that the case now?
"Well, who does?" I asked again.
With a bit of luck, Chrissie 2, but I don't know. But what we can do is try to image John's mind into your body and at least you'll find out. If that works, then at least we don't keep throwing some other poor innocent into the mess we're making. It'll be a clean circle of changes. Jenny 2 to John 1, Chrissie 2 to Jenny 2 and John 1 to Chrissie 1 - whoever he or she is."
"And if it doesn't work?" I asked.
"Don't even think of it. Let's start. You've got to image the complete circle in your mind. Got it? Me to John 1, you to me and John here to you. See it as a picture." I saw the three faces and bright coloured arrows linked them in my mind. The arrow started to move through the bodies slowly gathering speed. The image was strangely very clear in my mind.
"Got it." I managed to say. The image was taking all my concentration. I heard Jenny begin to chant.
"Move round the circle. The circle moves round. Move round the circle. The circle moves around.". On and on. The colours were now flowing between the faces in my head. Jenny was droning on, relentlessly. Suddenly she stopped. All was quiet. The images disappeared from my mind. I could hear my heart beat loudly. I opened my eyes.
My mother came in to the room in her dressing gown, hair dishevelled. "Oh, I thought I still heard voices. Has Chrissie gone?". I glanced down at my body. It had worked! I was Jenny again. Oh joy! I looked around - no Chrissie. that was not to plan. What had gone wrong?
"Ah, yes Mum. I'm just coming to bed.". I took the supper things back to the kitchen and went to bed exhausted.
Next morning I woke up slowly, every bone ached. I forgot for a moment what had happened and got a shock as I sat up and saw my breasts bob out from the blankets. So, where is Chrissie's body? And did Jenny get back and then where is John? I kept seeing green doors in my mind and dark black shadows lurking behind them. "I can't do anything now", I thought, "So, I'll just get on with my life here.".
"Oh, Chrissie's mum rang. Don't worry dear, it's all right, but Chrissie's in hospital. "What, what's wrong?" I stammered?".
"They're not sure. It sounds a bit like what you had. Maybe it's a new virus or something. They said she was confused, seem to think she someone called, ah, now what was it? Sarilla, Sorella, something like that and kept asking to see people no-one's ever heard of."
A deep dread was forming in my stomach. It's finally happened. We've dragged who knows in from who knows where. "Her mum thought it would be good idea if you could visit her right away. I'll phone the school and say you'll be late.".
I knocked and entered the room. Deja Vu! Chrissie lay in the bed, her eyes closed. They fluttered open. She smiled at me. "Jandeeshda. It's you. Tell me what's happened?" I sat down and took her hand. We all had moved along one body.
"Um, I know this is hard to understand, but, but I'm not, er, Jandeeshda. My name's Jenny, but I think I know what's happened." This whole thing was turning into the biggest nightmarish mess I'd ever seen. I desperately needed to talk to the real Jenny. I knew I couldn't work this out myself. "Is your name Sorella?" I asked.
"Don't joke with me Jandeeshda." You know very well who I am." She spoke quietly. Her voice was very musical and gentle and I heard a very slight accent but what, I had no idea. What a problem. If I tried to send her back, who'd come in her place and would I just succeed in displacing one more person. I had to tell her.
"Look, I know this is probably going to be difficult to believe, very difficult, but, let me tell you what I know.".
She had a lot of trouble with the whole concept but finally just had to accept that she was now somewhere very strange and foreign. I needed expert help and fast. I didn't go back to school. On an impulse I went to the University. I had no idea what I was looking for. Is this physics, maybe, not chemistry certainly. Maybe philosophy. I tried physics first. I spun a tale about doing a research project for school and needing information about the possibility of parallel worlds. I found myself in the office of Dr. Reinhard Steinbold. A man in his 50's, beard, pipe, looking like he stepped out of another century. Books lay all around and strange bits of apparatus hung from the top shelves.
Dr. Steinbold seemed to have lots of time for attractive young woman. One good point in my favour I guess. I was no longer amazed how quickly I adapted to being female. This body just felt right. My breasts snugly in their bra, my hips swinging my body along. My hair was still very short from how Jenny had kept it, but I'd definitely let it grow out. And I needed to get mum to buy much more feminine clothes. I wondered what my parents would think of their new feminine Jennifer? The concept of ever having been male was fading very fast. Would I lose my memory of having been John? I didn't think so.
"Theoretically possible, yes. I remember a paper discussing this and showing that it was mathematically possible, but required more dimensions than we have in the real world to have any practical application. And as for going from one universe to the other..." He shrugged, "We don't even know how to begin." He leant back in his chair puffing thoughtfully on his pipe. This man was just not real. Tweed jacket hanging behind the door. Rumpled corduroy pants. Alice in Wonderland, I thought. "I do remember", he continued, "something about a control or central world in this theory. That there can be infinite parallel worlds, but that they all revolve in n dimensions around a central world that has links to them all and maybe through the central world we could access all other worlds. Nice maths, but the whole concept belongs in the science fiction genre, in my opinion." He tapped his pipe into his dustbin and laid it on the desk. I could probably dig the paper up, but I'm afraid the maths would be beyond you young woman.". He lent forward. "Beyond me too". he confided conspiratorially. He sat back in his chair looking at the ceiling. "I'm not sure there's much more I can tell you really. Can't think of anyone else here who'd even remotely know anything about it.".
"Oh, thanks Dr., thanks very much. At least it's something.".
"Um, give us a ring in a few days and I'll see what I can come up with, OK?".
"Oh, yes, that'd be wonderful. Thank you very much." He handed me a university card with his name embossed clearly upon it. "Thanks very much for your help. It was really kind of you."
He saw me to the door. "My pleasure young woman. Maybe we'll see you in these hallowed halls soon, eh? We can always do with bright young students to sweep out our cobwebs. "He chuckled. "'Bye then".
I walked slowly away down the empty corridor. A central world. That might be the answer. I desperately needed to talk to Jenny. But how?
Hmm. Better turn up at school at least for half a day. Maybe if I could get to the central world. No, I didn't want to even risk losing my new body. Maybe I could bring someone here. If I could bring them physically, then at least I wouldn't displace another person.
I waited until I'd had tea and then went out to the park. It had become an important transfer point for me. I sat on the bench and started imaging. It was hard as I had no idea what a central world would look like. So, I imaged something a bit like our planetary system, except a world at the centre and not the sun and all the other worlds blurring into infinity revolving about "World Central" as I decided to call it. I then zoomed into a city "World Central". I saw parks, clean and bright with great domes and small coloured specks racing around the sky. A city of the future. It was so crystal clear in my mind. I saw a young woman sitting on a large stone next to a river. She was dressed in a diaphanous pale rose robe, something like a sarong. It lent her a strange ageless beauty. I revised my estimate of her age. She could be 20... or 60. Strange. She had a serenity about her - a calmness and a wisdom. I knew I must try to bring her here. I began to chant.
"This woman is now beside me here. This woman is now beside me here," In my mind, she looked up puzzled. Was this image real. Did she know what I was trying to do? The transfer was instant. Suddenly I was sitting on the rock next to the river. She smiled at me. "Not quite what you expected eh?".
I was completely disoriented. I glanced at my body. Still the same. Thank the stars for that at least. "Sorry to not go along with your attempt to get me to your world, but we need you here. Oh, my name is Eeana by the way. And you are Jenny."
"Um, .... sortof.".
"So, Jenny sortof eh? We knew that someone had been disturbing the dimensional links, but for some reason, we couldn't link to you. Very strange indeed. I assume it is you and you do know what I'm talking about?".
I nodded dumbfounded.
"So Jenny, while we walk back to the labs, why don't you fill me in on exactly what you have been doing and how?".
We strolled across the park. This park was perfectly laid out, small paths, rivers, a lake, beautiful flowers their scent wafting over me in the warm breeze. I took my thick jacket off and tied it around my waist.
"Yes, we have climate control. Much easier on our wardrobe." She smiled. Somehow I thought clothes would be the least of the problems here. I told Eeana the whole story - from absolute beginning - how I wished to be a girl and Jenny 2 a boy.
"That explains a lot. It's very very rare that anyone ever stumbles on how to trigger transference and if they do, we usually can trace and repair the problem very quickly. In your case we couldn't. Possibly because of the cross-dimensional factors of two people trying to transfer. We don't know. And on top of that, you've managed both mind and body transfer. We were becoming very worried. We even altered the dimensional links so that it was easier for someone to contact us."
We entered one of the small domed buildings adjacent to the park. My first impression was one of muted pastel colours and clean sweeping lines. Nothing was cluttered. Many other people moved in out of the dome doors and I could see some kind of lift device being used to go up and down levels. We step through a small side door leading to a very small dome. We stepped into an enormous hall. That was impossible. Dr. Who's Tardis. "How?"
"Don't worry Jenny. It's another transfer device. We've moved about 500 Kms to our dimension labs. Now, sit down here. I'd like to show you more of our world, but we don't have time. The rip you're creating in our dimensional space-time fabric is widening. If we don't act now, the damage may become irreparable."
"But, who are you?" I stammered.
"We are the creators and guardians of this dimensional system. I just don't have time to explain now. Please sit still a moment. A beam leapt out from the wall nearby. I moved my head. The beam followed as if it was locked on to my head. Eeana had no instruments. She just looked up to the wall as though seeing something I couldn't see.
"Right. Three badly damaged link fabrics." Then shocked. "By Altar herself! You and your friends have disturbed 3,124 universes." She continued staring above me.
"I'm sorry. I've no more time to waste. I can see from your mind where and who you'd like to be. I'm not sure we can allow that. I must check the consequences in this current infinity cycle. You may just have to be John again."
" NO!" I screamed out.
"OK, calm yourself Jenny. Let us think and compute. For your information, I'm now linked to Computing Central and through there to approximately 3 million parallel worlds in an emergency Congress Linkup. We're trying to come up with a solution that resolves all dimensional contradictions and allows you and Jenny to continue as you wish."
She paused. Very slowly she said in a monotone, "We have only three possible solutions and from these only one favours you. One is of course for you and Jenny to go back as yourselves and the other, well, is not optimal for you both but not as bad as the first." Another long pause. "All other combinations put the dimensional matrix at risk." She broke off and stared at me. "Solutions 2 and 3 are risky, but only to you. It's safer to put you all back as you were, but our laws do not allow me to stop you trying again. I can arrange your memory so you no longer know how to transfer, but your will to change is so great, there's a 40% probability that you'll find the path again in your lifetime. We can't take that risk. Nor can I deviate your own path too much without creating more problems. Do you accept?".
"Wh.. What am I accepting? Don't send me back as John, please., I'd rather die.".
"Then are you prepared to take the risk? 12.45% risk that we fail. And failure for you could mean death between the dimensions. Being written out of the formula completely? Do you accept or reject?".
"I accept. If death is the alternative to staying in this body. I accept.". She nodded.
"Your acceptance duly recorded, noted and sanctioned by the emergency 365th Dimensional Congress. Farewell Jennifer and good luck." She smiled briefly and suddenly all was dark. No, I was in the park on World 3. No! I could feel the dankness seeping into my skin. No, I was in bed. I felt my body. I was John. NO!!!! GOD!!!! NO!!! Bright dazzling sunshine. I was stretched out on a strip of sand. I could hear waves. I looked down - I could see my breasts and beyond that - impossible! Scales - a mermaid. This was crazy. Was this to be my fate - swung through all universes until I die? Is this what she meant as lost between dimensions?". It was very dark, I blinked and looked down. Brown thick fur covered my body. I was surrounded by huge bear like creatures. "Come, Raal-Ji, what thinks thee on this subject? One knows how thy mind is respected in all Kahloson."
Then nothing. Had Eeana failed? I blacked out.
I walked into my bedroom. I opened my mouth to say something that I had now forgotten. I shut my eyes and waited for the next jump. Nothing happened. I opened my eyes. Holy Angels! That was me, Jenny, asleep in my bed. I stepped to the mirror and gasped. I was my own mother. Then where was my mother? Had things gone terribly wrong or was this part of the other possibility? I turned to go back to the kitchen. I had to sit down and I didn't want to find out if that was really Jenny asleep in my bed.
Suddenly I was back in bed. It was dark. I fumbled around for a lamp and found one. I was in a small bedroom similar to mine, but not the same. I shut my eyes and waited. Nothing happened. I waited longer. Still nothing. I shut my eyes and plunged into sleep. I saw Eeana in the laboratory. "You may not remember this later, but you probably know that the optimal solution was not possible, so we are implementing solution 2. Good luck girl.". She faded.
I woke up. It was daylight. I was in the same room. I nervously lifted the blankets and looked. Oh, thank the Goddesses somehow I was still Jenny, but this was not my room. The lamp was till burning. I switched it off and looked around. My mother was at the door. "Time to get up. Oh, you are awake. Breakfast is ready and John and Chrissie are already eating." She disappeared back to the kitchen. What had she said??? A growing feeling of unease spread through me. I went to the wardrobe. Huh! Much more feminine collection than Jenny had. I suddenly became aware of my hair swishing around my face. Long hair! I moved to the mirror and quickly appraised my reflection there. If anything, I was prettier than before. Was my face was a slightly different shape? Yes, higher cheekbones and my breasts, thank heavens, were smaller again, probably a C. And my figure was somehow subtly more rounded, definitely sexier... wider hips? It was hard to tell but the overall effect was stunning. I shook my head in amazement. I prayed that this was my final body - forever. I quickly got dressed and came to breakfast.
I stopped at the door and stared. John and Chrissie sitting together! I gulped. I didn't know what to say without putting my foot in it. "Good morning John, morning Chrissie. How'd you sleep?" I moved to the table and sat down slowly.
"Yeah good thanks sis. And you?". WHAT HAD HE SAID???? Sis. Sister. I was John's sister - so who was Chrissie? I reached for the paper lying on the table. I quickly checked the date. Monday. "I'll be late back all this week mum", said John.
"Yes" replied mum. "I know - footy practice for the big match. But I thought it was only from Wednesday?".
"Originally, but as captain I decided it was worth the extra two nights. See you all.". He kissed Chrissie on the lips and got up and left. OK, she was no sister unless the morals of this world are different and I doubted that. Everything was too close to my original world. I had to know even if I made a mistake. Chrissie was not dressed for school. Maybe she worked. How on earth could I say the right thing. Too many unknowns.
"Another week, eh Chrissie? Sometimes I hate Mondays. "
"At school yes, but since I betrothed John, every day is wonderful."
What? Betrothed. I knew the word, but only from Shakespeare. John was still at school, she wasn't and they were going to marry. And was she living here in the same house? I had to know. "Chrissie, can I have a private chat with you?".
"Oh, I'll go then", said mum.
"No, no, we'll go to Chrissie's room." I said -and waited. No contradiction. OK, Fact. Chrissie has a room here. I followed her to another bedroom that just didn't exist in the original house., This house overall was different, better furnished and much bigger. Aha! A double bed and John's clothes scattered over the bed. This world certainly had different morals.
I smiled. I think I was going to like it here.


text:
Tigers Pull Away Late To Escape With Win
PRINCETON, N.J. – Yale has made a habit of coming from behind all season. So when the Bulldogs rallied from an early 15-point deficit to tie Princeton at 40 with 12 minutes left, there was every reason to believe Yale was going to walk out of Jadwin Gym with another win. Instead, it was the Tigers that made the plays down the stretch, and the result was a 64-57 Princeton victory before a crowd of 2,293.
The loss, coupled with Harvard's 77-70 overtime win over Columbia, eliminated Yale from the Ivy League title race.
Nevertheless, the Bulldogs (19-8, 9-4 Ivy) still have much to play for in the regular season finale at Penn on Saturday. It would seem Yale has already done enough to earn some kind of postseason appearance, but the Bulldogs still have a chance to finish second, which would only add to their resume, especially for an NIT bid.
Harvard's win also eliminated Princeton (17-11, 8-4 Ivy).
After Yale tied it at 40, the Tigers scored the next nine points. The Bulldogs, though, had one more comeback left. Reggie Willhite's jumper cut the deficit to one, 54-53, with 2:21 remaining.
Jimmy Sherburne answered with a layup, and Denton Koon hit a jumper to put Princeton back up by five.
The Bulldogs got within three twice, but Mack Darrow and Douglas Davis each made a pair of free throws in the final 39 seconds to seal the victory.
"We had a lot of opportunities down the stretch, but we couldn't capitalize," said James Jones, The Joel E. Smilow, Class of 1954 Head Coach of Men's Basketball.
Willhite and Greg Mangano both posted double-doubles for the Bulldogs. Willhite had 10 points, a career-high 14 rebounds, five assists and four steals. The four steals give him 63 for the season, a new school record.
Mangano, despite facing a constant double teams, finished with 20 points and 14 rebounds.
"Princeton did a good job of being physical down low," said Mangano, who was 6-of-19 from the field.
Ian Hummer paced Princeton with 18 points, while T.J. Bray added 10.
Early on, it looked like the Tigers might cruise to an easy win. Yale scored the first game's first four points, but Princeton went on a 23-4 run to take its biggest lead of the game.
Austin Morgan, though, helped the Bulldogs get back into the game before halftime. He hit three straight three-pointers in one stretch as Yale got as close as 32-28 before the Tigers scored the final five points before the intermission.
Morgan finished with 13 points, while Jeremiah Kreisberg added 10 for Yale.
NOTES: Princeton's bench outscored Yale's 16-4… The Bulldogs had a 35-28 rebounding edge… The Tigers shot 51.7 percent from the field in the first half but just 40 percent in the second half… Princeton had nine blocked shots… Penn's Zack Rosen scored 19 points in the Quakers' 54-43 win over Brown, so he and Mangano continue to share the Ivy League lead in scoring (18.5 ppg.)… Yale and Penn tip off at 7 p.m. on Saturday.
Report filed by Tim Bennett, Yale Sports Publicity

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Posted by: Adam O'Connor on March 11, 2009 at 10:41 am
"We'll come back through next tour, maybe things will be better then." Sympathy is not something you hear often from a touring band, especially one playing to a dismal six paying audience members. Jordan Hell, synth monkey for DD/MM/YYYY, seems to understand the plight of Metro Detroit, and has high hopes that the shit turnout on a rainy Tuesday evening isn't what Detroit holds for all touring bands these days. One can only hope that their show tonight at the Elbow Room with Child Bite has better things in store than the baker's dozen that showed up at the Pike Room Tuesday night. This total includes the doorfella, bottle-getter, barwench, and 4 family members of the band. The shame of it all is that this was the loudest, most crisp, explosive set from a jam-punk band since Malajube in 2007. The show almost didn't happen. Opener-turned-headliner Red China arrived late, and coupled with the piss-poor turnout, DD/MM/YYYY nearly got scratched. In true punk fashion, the quintent said "fuck that, we'll play". Three different band members proceeded to play the drums (one of which may or may not have been wearing green thermal PJ bottoms onstage, saggy crotch included), two played synth, and there was even a brief sax appearance. Black Square, the quintet's latest release, dropped digitally in February, and will be available everywhere else this St. Patrick's Day.
Tags: Black Square, DD/MM/YYYY, Malajube, Pike Room, Red China
News Hits? We Don't Just Hit The News, We Beat It With A Baseball Bat And Leave It In A Shallow Grave
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on March 11, 2009 at 9:14 am
The Palace is not one of the city's precious jewels
Jay Leno's free concert has sent City Council over the edge. They are officially in padded room territory now. Martha Reeves plans to call Jay Leno and let him know about venue options in the city proper, such as beautiful Cobo Arena or maybe Harpos. One problem, she doesn't know his number. Monica Conyers says Martha should just call NBC and they'll totally connect her because she's Martha Reeves. The last time Martha Reeves was that relevant, a young unknown named Johnny Carson was hosting The Tonight Show. He's ok but there will never be another Jack Paar. (DetNews)
Like voting, newspapers are for the olds
The Detroit News made Time Magazine's list of ten most endangered newspapers. Actually it was ranked fourth. That means the Detroit News is as endangered as fugitive Boston crime boss Whitey Bulger is wanted by the FBI. Naturally, we are linking to this story on the time honored news source known as "Yahoo." Hmmm…just promise to open the link in the story above. Ok? (Yahoo)
Dave Bing's education status angers up the Free Press klavern
Dave Bing one time said he earned his degree in 1966 when in fact he didn't actually finish his program until 1995. Meh. It's not like was a drug dealer in college like, say, Kwame Kilpatrick. Free Press message board participant "BiggyD" (who looks like he maybe once failed a community college course) writes: "Well the list of black men I admire is now down to two: Joe Dumars and Colin Powell. Every time I read, hear or see blacks act like blacks I try to remember there are some I admire. That list has just gotten smaller." The Free Press can eliminate the message board instead of home delivery. Let these slobs return to Stormfront where they belong. (Freep)
If Walker: Texas Ranger was a Philip Roth novel
So…Chuck Norris and Glen Beck are starting their own private Plot Against America Friday afternoon with a special broadcast to a secret network of secessionist "cells" on the Fox News. The show is called We Surround Them. "We" meaning Glen Beck, Chuck Norris, and Tim McVeigh's militia buddies and "them" meaning the blacks. Also the Muslims and the gays. Metro Detroit's "cell" will watch this historic address at Hamlin Pub located at…wait for it…22 Mile and Hayes. Show up wearing your best Obama buttons and vintage Harvey Milk t-shirt. (WorldNet, Meet-up)
Felon Kwame Kilpatrick is the Texas justice system's problem now
Kilpatrick gets to take his sorry ass to Texas for his charity job from Peter Karmanos. He also has to pay $16,000 of his restitution before he goes. That means he only owes Detroit taxpayers another $984,000. Then the Judge gave Kilpatrick a good talking to about respecting the system. Kwame Kilpatrick now understands that it was wrong to fly on a private jet to Texas, lease a new Escalade, etc when he still owes $1,000,000 to the taxpayers. In the future he will behave with humility. Say, while I have your attention, can we talk about an amazing time share opportunity? How would you like a week's vacation for the rest of your life? (Freep)
Hands Across Detroit
Yesterday's State of the State predicted that Detroit would become the new third world cause célèbre, replete with benefit concerts and the like. Actually that's already happening. Later this month, a ten-day rock show marathon benefit will take place in Ferndale. Ok, ten days of music sounds pretty cool. They should invite Joan Baez to bray on about this being our Woodstock. Hopefully soon the organizers can better explain some details. Like what this Bob Geldof-crossed-with-the-Trumbullplex thing is actually raising money for. Also, ticket prices. Yes, we are snarking on people trying to "help." That's what we do. Flame away… (Assembly Line)
Tags: Chuck Norris, City Council, Dave Bing, Detroit News, Free Press klavern, Hands Across Detroit, Jay Leno, Kwame Kilpatrick, militia
Posted by: Mike White on March 10, 2009 at 2:59 pm
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (Joseph Sargent, 1974)
If you aren't aware of it, let me let you in on a little secret… Walter Matthau kicks ass. Known more for the Neil Simon comedies he did with Jack Lemmon, Matthau should best be remembered for a trio of films he made in the early '70s — Charley Varrick, The Laughing Policeman, and The Taking of Pelham One Two Three.
Matthau stars as Lt. Zachary Garber, a transit worker who gets stuck between a quartet of criminals who took a subway train hostage and the bureaucracy of City Hall. With his hangdog expression, Matthau perfectly plays Garber as someone trying to do the right thing despite everyone around him. Also along for the ride are a cadre of character actors including Kenneth McMillan, Jerry Stiller, Hector Elizondo, Martin Balsam, and Robert Shaw as the criminal mastermind behind the heist. This is the film that gave Quentin Tarantino the idea to use colors instead of names for the robbers in Reservoir Dogs.
Remade once already as a TV movie with Edward James Olmos in the Garber role, a new remake is due out in June. Trust me, the original is the way to go with this one. Stick It In Your Queue.
Tags: Denzel Washington, John Travolta, Quentin Tarantino, remake, Reservoir Dogs, Walter Matthau
Posted by: Ryan Allen + Laura Witkowski on March 10, 2009 at 10:19 am
800 Beloved, Bouquet (Moodgadget Records)
Uh oh. Looks like Detroit's got its very own Joy Division. At least that's what the uniformed will think when they hear the cold, slightly Goth-ish tones on 800 Beloved's icy Bouquet. While the monotone vocals, slashing guitar work, melodic bass-lines, apocalyptic synths, and dark tunnels 800 Beloved travel down certainly bring to mind Curtis & co. — and, to a much lesser extent, Interpol, for those without a decent record collection — what the band is really up to seems a lot more endearing. In all reality, Bouquet is a well-crafted continuation of a long-standing Mitten tradition of producing quality space-rock and shoegaze; one that started with groups like Majesty Crush, Windy and Carl, and Asha Vida (featuring a much-less pop inclined Casimer Pascal of Pas/Cal fame), and has continued to this day with sonic shredders like Dark Red (Rob from Paik) and the super-underrated Dykehouse (hell, we could even go out on a limb here and dub Javelins and Deastro branches on the Michigan-shoegaze family tree). So it's with open arms that we welcome 800 Beloved to the fold. And how could we not, with certified New Romatic-era jams like "Show Me Evil" and "The Skeleton Collection" stuffed up their frilly sleeves? The band is slightly elusive (they hardly ever play around town), but fans of M83, Robert Smith-hair, and City Club will surely find something to adore about this collection. — RA
Julie Doiron, I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day (Jagjaguwar)
MP3: Consolation Prize
Julie Doiron's work with 90's Canadian favorite Eric's Trip has certainly helped her build a consistent solo career. More or less until this point she's delivered solid, but relatively quiet records that only hint at the lo-fi squall of those early Eric's Trip days. Though the title sounds like a note your adorable stalker might leave inside a mix tape under your windshield wiper, I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day, also contains some of Doiron's most fuzzed out and melodic material yet. Thickly distorted, yet melodically solid tracks are interspersed with introspective observations. Her most immediately catchy release yet. — LW
Elvis Perkins In Dearland, Elvis Perkins In Dearland (XL Recordings)
MP3: Shampoo
Elvis Perkins sound like the name of a Southern Rockabilly revivalist, but instead, he's a revivalist of a different sort. For his second album, he's now formed a complete band — and this additional trio of multi-instrumentalists bring something special to the music of the exceptional songwriter. With a sound reminiscent of classic Cat Stevens and Josh Ritter meets a New Orleans funeral band, Elvis Perkins In Dearland march through the streets in joyous defiance. Bursts of harmonium, trombone, banjo and clarinet punctuate clever and biting lyrics. Songs like "123 Goodbye" and "Hey" wouldn't sound out of place a Wes Anderson film soundtrack. — LW
From Monument to Masses, On Little Known Frequencies (Dim Mak/Downtown)
MP3: The First Five
Instrumental music is always a hard sell — it's not like Tortoise are packing out arenas these days, ya know? But, music without lyrics has quite the history. Ever hear of this dude Johann Sebastian Bach? Yeah, thought so. So, in the tradition of ol' white-wig himself, we give you the occasionally cinematic soundscapes of the vocal-less Oakland trio From Monument to Masses. Combining the bass-heaviness of the aforementioned Tortoise, with the electro-rock of Minus the Bear, and the metallic shrapnel of, say, Mastodon (fun fact: producer Matt Bayles oversaw records by both the latter groups), FMTM often show up their instrumental peers by A) being not boring (unlike Godspeed You Black Emperor), and B) having a tasteful hip-hop influence (think Prefuse 73, not Diddy) featured throughout. It's hardly a symphony, but this ain't your older brothers math-rock either. — RA
Handsome Furs, Face Control (Sub Pop)
MP3: I'm Confused
Face Control will quickly become the "it" record for the ironic hipster set, so expect every person who sees gold lame' stretch pants and rubber wading boots as essential wardrobe pieces to adore this record. But Handsome Furs bring just enough earnestness with their 80's throwback synth sound to avoid being a flash-in-the-pan trendy favorite. Of course staying power is also improved when one half of your band is Wolf Parade's Dan Boeckner. Along with his wife Alexei Perry, the two follow up 2007's Plague Park with a fuller, more realized set of songs. Gets better with each listen. — LW
War Child presents Heroes (Astralwerks/War Child)
MP3: The Like, You Belong To Me (Elvis Costello)
Did the masterminds behind Urban Outfitters in-store playlists and SirusXMU get together and put together a comp? A quick scan of the artists that make up War Child's Heroes collection — the Kooks, Estelle, TV on the Radio, Lily Allen, Franz Ferdinand, Scissor Sisters, etc. — and it would seem so. Indeed, you could hear any one of these middle-of-the-road alt.rock and pop pansys blasting over the loud speakers while you snatch up your newest pair of skinnies, but this time around, the kids are covering legendary tracks by the likes of the Ramones, Iggy Pop, U2, and the Kinks, amongst others. The catch? The roster was chosen by the legends themselves. The verdict? It's pretty hit-and-miss, with nu-Winehouses Estelle and Duffy doing predictable "SNL"-esque big-band takes on Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney. Elsewhere, the Hold Steady cover Bruce (shocker!), TV on the Radio do Bowie (no shit!), and the Like do Elvis Costello (actually awesome!). Nitpicking aside, it's for a good cause (proceeds go to benefit children affected by war), so buy it for you dad and feel good about yourself. — RA
Tags: 800 Beloved, Astralwerks, Dim Mak, Elvis Costello, Elvis Perkins in Dearland, Estelle, From Monument to Masses, Handsome Furs, Heroes, Julie Doiron, Kooks, Lily Allen, Matt Bayles, Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder, The First Five, The Hold Steady, The Like, Tortoise, TV On the Radio, War Child
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on March 10, 2009 at 9:28 am
Never let reality get in the way of a good conspiracy theory
Monica Conyers believes the Cobo expansion plan is really a plot by the UN to expand the drug trade controlled by the Queen of England. What? That's no more daffy than believing union members stood on the roof of Cobo Hall with garden hoses to stage a leak during Sunday's four inch rain storm. Monica, that tin foil hat suits you. Oh and see that picture of Monica's husband John Conyers? He's speaking to a bunch of LaRouchians. They actually believe the Queen of England controls the drug trade so, you know, crazy must run in the family. (WXYZ)
Detroit is the new pitiful third world famine place
Jay Leno is coming to town to help us out with a free show at the Palace. Pretty soon there will be benefit concerts organized by ex-Beatles and then Bob Geldof will produce a charity Christmas album for us. Then like 50 singers and Dan Akroyd Rosie O'Donnell will record a We Are Detroit song or some shit. Eventually Angelina Jolie will adopt our orphans. Hands Across Detroit, anyone? (DetNews)
U of M wants to kill your baby leftovers
So you finally got around to having babies for Jesus and your mother-in-law but your inside lady parts no longer work right. Oh hamburgers! You've got two choices. Either adopt a baby from a Romanian Juno, thus rescuing an innocent from hopeless poverty, or drop five-figures so you can make your own real baby. You choose option two and, in the process, create a whole mess of surplus embryos. Now "science" wants to use these spare babies for stem cells. What a horrible, horrible injustice. (Freep)
Kilpatrick/Beatty sext: putting a bow on it
The Judge said felon Kwame Kilpatrick had no right to privacy when it came to text messages on publicly owned pagers so he's looking for another judge to give him $100,000,000 because rights he doesn't have were violated. Ruth Carter said Mike Cox was planning to call the stripper party a fake from the word go but, then again, it's Ruth Carter talking so unreliable narrator. Please, please, please let it be true. (DetNews, Freep)
State cuts the next Governor's pay
In order to save money the state is going to cut the salaries of the Governor, Lt. Governor, Attorney General, and Secretary of State. Not the current Governor, et al but the ones that replace Granholm and company in 2011. That's kind of a dick move. Maybe Mike Cox can also leave some old cheese in the back of the Attorney General's desk drawer. (Crains)
There isn't a lot to do in Jackson
If you are in the prison there's yard time but for the rest of Jackson's population there really isn't a lot of ways to spend your time. That's why the Eagles (the fraternal organization, not the shitty Don Henley band) have bingo nights. The Eagles themselves are too busy drinking Blatz on tap to pay much attention and that's why the head of their bingo operation was able to steal $40,000 without anyone noticing, at least until they almost foreclosed the lodge. (MLive)
Tags: Jackson, Jay Leno, Lansing, Monica Conyers, stem cells, Team Kilpatrick
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on March 9, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Kwame Kilpatrick wants to soft rock you
The first thing that jumps out is a message on page three that reads: "You are the wind beneath my wings." Not only is Kwame Kilpatrick a liar and crook, he's also a douche. A disgusting Tim Robbins in High Fidelity kind of douche. He probably won Carlita's love with his extensive knowledge of Dan Fogelberg lyrics.
Kwame Kilpatrick was like the municipal Louis XVI
"Hi Mr. Mayor. Hope you are alright…I'm home in DC if you need me…Leadership is a B. But rewards make the challenge worth our commitment to our God and our people. YOU ARE CHOSEN. Let's Roll. Mom." See, he didn't just get up in here by just coming. He was CHOSEN. By Jesus. Why do you hate Jesus, Detroit?
Does Ruth Carter issue verdicts with that mouth?
When the Honorable Ruth Carter, 36th District Court Judge, was head of the Law Department she decided that Gary Brown's lawsuit amounted to slander and wanted him prosecuted. Prosecutor Mike Duggan was like: Ugh…no. Also slander isn't a criminal offense. Nice lawyering. Duggan suggested they "play ball." Carter, in her expert legal opinion, texted: NO FUCKING CHANCE! Say what you will about Mike Duggan but he's a lot smarter than Ruth "FUCKING" Carter.
That Navigator was very important to Carlita
No wonder the great Navigator saga of 2004 (2005?) seemed to last well past the usual Sweeps Week arc of a Steve Wilson story. Carlita really, really wanted that car. If her husband was going to nail girl Scottie Pippen then Carlita was going to get a really garish looking luxury SUV. Red is a horrible color on that vehicle. You might as well throw in some blue carpet and gold curtain rods.
Sending Smooth B out for some sandwiches
Poor Dominic Pangborn. He built "a life from nothing in this country and not only do good for [his] family but for so many others" only to pitch his dirty deal to the least significant member of Team Kilpatrick. Apparently, Derrick Miller's main responsibility was fetching lunch. He didn't dare return with sandwiches on the wrong kind of bread. Again. Always figured that was Matt Allen's job.
The Kilpatrick-Beatty affair was an Urban Adult Contemporary radio station
There's a line from Six Degrees of Separation about how collage is the art form of the 20th century. Everything has already been created and we are in a post-modern era of re-invention. Alternatively, we're a society of lazy slobs who would rather quote Luther Vandross, Anita Baker, and R. Kelly than come up with an original, honest expression of our deepest emotions. For Kilpatrick and Beatty, it's the latter.
Grooming is important to a healthy long-term sexual relationship
Christine trimmed back her Vietnamese jungle bush with "A CUTE LITTLE BIKINI WAX" and Kwame was like: "I'm GOING TO BE ALL OVER THE BIKINI WAX SECTION OF YOUR BODY. LOL" Take a second to get that little bit of vomit back down your throat. LOL is the all-time single worst contribution to the lexicon. It can't be said enough. No one over the age of 9 should ever use LOL. Ever. (Freep)
Tags: Team Kilpatrick
Posted by: Anthony Morrow on March 9, 2009 at 4:39 pm
We have two spots on the guest list for tomorrow night's show at the Magic Stick. If you want to go, email us a photo or post a link in the comment section to what you think is a funny ass photo of a wig. It can be someone wearing a wig, a dog in a wig, your dad's wig or a member of The Whigs eating a corndog, naked… wearing a wig. We'll pick the funniest one tomorrow morning and email the winner. Send to: firstname.lastname@example.com
Tags: Magic Stick, The Whigs
Posted by: Mike White on March 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Prayer of the Rollerboys (Rick King, 1990)
There were several rollerblade flicks to grace screens in the late eighties and early nineties (Solarbabies, Rollerblade 7, Roller Blade Warriors), but only one had the vision to cast one of the Two Coreys. Corey Haim, stars as Griffin in Prayer of the Rollerboys, a low rent post-apocalyptic flick in which a band of trenchcoated teens terrorize society. The Roller Boys are yuppie scum on skates and earn their bread by making and selling the designer drug "Mist." Their goal: use their drug profits to buy back America from the foreign powers that bought out the U.S. after the "Great Crash" of the economy. If you live in Detroit, sharpen your skates because the "Day of the Rope" may soon be upon us.
Despite Griffin and Roller Boy leader Gary Lee (Christopher Collet) growing up together, Griffin steers clear of the Roller Boys until his little brother Milton (Devin Clark) gets mixed up in some bad business. Griffin has to go undercover to save his brother and help out policewoman hottie Casey (Patricia Arquette). A goofus getting in good with a band of twisted criminals while bedding a short-haired chick? If this sounds like an early draft of Point Break, that's probably because writer W. Peter Iliff went on to pen the Keanu Reeves cult classic.
At times reminiscent of Peter George's Surf Nazis Must Die (especially with Gary Lee's "final solution"), Prayer of the Rollerboys is a classic case of bad film pouncing on a trend. A must see for Corey Haim's extensive headband and do-rag collection. "Day of the rope… Day of the rope… Day of the rope…"
Tags: corey haim, keanu reeves, postapocalyptic, rollerblades, surf nazis
Posted by: Ryan Allen on March 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
Welcome, bitches, to our first installment of the Monday Mixtape — a weekly collection of hot jamburgers that we're rocking around the office. For our inaugural edish, we're featuring some new tracks that we missed out on while we were away watching the first three seasons of "Weeds" on DVD.
Max Tundra :: Will Get Fooled Again
Perhaps best known for his remix work, UK digi-pop producer Max Tundra delivers an anthem for our social networking-obsessed society — proving that yes, you can even meet chicks on eBay.
The Pains of Being Pure At Heart :: Everything With You
Did Sarah Records ever go away? Not if you're a member of TPOBPAH, Brooklyn's resident fuzz-pop maestros, who lovingly nod to classic cuddle-core acts like Black Tambourine and the Field Mice, albeit at a much quicker pace.
American Princes :: Real Love
American Princes prove that chorus pedals sounds good beyond that of Nirvana's "Come As You Are," pushing it to the forefront of their angular, 80s-informed pop.
Grizzly Bear :: Deep Blue Sea
As anticipation for their new album reaches Merriweather Post Pavilion-like levels of blogsanity, Grizzly Bear try and tide us over with this lulling contribution to the Dark Was the Night compilation.
Wavves :: So Bored
If No Age is the Smell-scene's resident Guided by Voices, think of Wavves as every other kid in the 90s with a fourtrack and a dream. Think blown-out, lo-fi-as-fuck trash-pop by a skate kid in a oversized flannel and goofy hat, ollying over a pile of 7″ records.
Fucked Up :: Twice Born
Are they punk? Are they hardcore? Shugazi (shoegaze-meets-Fugazi, duh)? Who gives a rip? They're Fucked Up. Hands up if you think you're the only one!
Yeah Yeah Yeahs :: Sheena Is A Punk Rocker
From the War Child presents Heroes compilation, we have the Yeah Yeah Yeahs doing what they do best — spikey riffs, dirty beats, squealing — by way of this Ramones classic.
Asobi Seksu :: Me & Mary
Their new album, Hush, might be slightly lameburgers, but this breezy slice of dream-pop is remissible enough.
Ida Maria :: Oh My God
Lily Allen and Katy Perry might be all the rage in the mainstream pop world, but underneath it all is the clearly pissed off Ida Maria — heir to the throne that is PJ Harvey and Chrissie Hynde. Oh. My. God is this good.
Gentlemen Jesse :: All I Need Tonight (Is You)
Touring with Black Lips should turn this power-pop unknown into a slightly-better known power-pop uknown. For fans of Elvis Costello, Stiff Records, and staying up all night, drinking tall boys, and smoking weed out of an apple.
Tags: American Princess, Asobi Seksu, Fucked Up, Gentlemen Jesse, Grizzly Bear, Ida Maria, Max Tundra, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Wavves, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Posted by: Woodwards Friend on March 9, 2009 at 9:14 am
It's text message transcript day!
This afternoon the judge will release another 1400 text messages chronicling the corrupt governing styles of convicted felons Kwame Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty. This thing needs to be a TV show. Also their juvenile love affair. No one would believe grown-ups singing R. Kelly songs to each other, professing their love over text messages, and writing something as inane as "Jerry McGuire 2000! LOL!" but it could work as a tween drama on the N or ABC Family. Tween Kwame and Tween Christine could be student council leaders struggling with school, peer pressure, and parents but totally in love with each other. And always texting. The kids love to text these days. Also Twitter. (Freep)
Even God is in favor of the Cobo deal
The roof of treasured jewel Cobo Hall is leaking. There were tarps and buckets everywhere during Autorama. It's interesting because, if the Cobo deal had been approved, fixing this roof would probably be the regional authority's problem. Instead, it's up to Detroit taxpayers. Maybe Monica Conyers, Barbara-Rose Collins, and Agnes Hitchcock fix the damn roof themselves since they love Cobo so much. Martha Reeves and Joann Watson are on bucket duty. (Freep)
Weather makes local road bureaucrats cry
So the annual winter/spring freeze and thaw cycle is especially bad for the roads this year. Some truckers say Michigan roads are as horrible as a truck stop without porn. Abed Itani of the Grand Valley Metro Council thinks that's mean because local road commissions aren't neglecting the roads. They just aren't fixing them. Hey truckers, stop hurting Abed's feelings! When he gets sad he totally binge eats and you know he had that weight problem in high school. Abed Itani is such a girl. (MLive)
Final Four will include terrible douchebags
Let's say you're on the Pyramid and playing for the big money. Betty White is sitting across from you reading a list of names: Ryan Seacreast, Fergie, the Pussycat Dolls, Ryan Seacreast, ugh ugh Ryan Seacreast… Naturally you would answer: People Who Are Douchebags or Inhabitants Of My Own Personal Hell. Unfortunately this isn't the Pyramid and Fergie, Ryan Seacreast, and the Pussycat Dolls will "entertain" us during the Final Four. Hasn't Detroit suffered enough? (DetNews)
Mark Hackel is too thin to run for governor
Since the times of Andrew Jackson, the Democrats have been the party of the common man. They want a 2010 gubernatorial candidate that can relate to the common man in Michigan. That's why all their candidates (Cherry, Perles, Williamson) are old fat guys. Well, well, well looks like fancy elitist Macomb County Sheriff Mark Hackel wants to break that mold. Mr. I'm-the-Macomb-County-Obama is only 46 and in great shape. Well fuck him and his healthy lifestyle. Mark Hackel couldn't carry George Perles' manssiere. Alternatively, are we going to throw away John Cherry for what? An inadequate skinny male! (Macomb Daily)
Tags: Cobo, Final Four, Mark Hackel, roads, shitty music, Team Kilpatrick


text:
Survey says our graduates are doing well
2011 grads of CSB and SJU are beating the odds for employment compared to national averages
July 23, 2012
Graduates of the College of Saint Benedict (CSB) and Saint John's University (SJU) are finding success after college. In a recently conducted survey by the Office of Career Services at CSB and SJU, 99-percent of the graduates from the CSB and SJU classes of 2011 report being employed full-time (71-percent), continuing their education (15-percent), engaged in full-time volunteer service (8-percent), in the military (2-percent) or working part-time (3-percent).
Only one-percent of those responding to the survey said they remained unemployed and seeking work one year after graduation. Nationally, the unemployment rate for college graduates under age 25 in April 2012 was 7.4-percent, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Roughly half of the respondents to the survey provided salary information with their answers. For those employed full-time, the estimated average income was $36,765. Additionally, 31-percent reported incomes greater than $45,000 and 35-percent reported incomes between $30,000 and $45,000.
Top employers for the 2011 graduates include:
- Wells Fargo & Company
- United Health Group
- Target Corporation
- Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance & Financial Services
- Mayo Clinic


text:
The White House4
6 Bedford Street, Brighton, BN2 1AN
Price FromView Rooms
- Excellent
- 55 guest reviews
"We had a lovely two day stay at The White House. The manager emailed and texted to find out when we expected to arrive so someone would be t..."
"Exceptional! Great hotel, can't fault it at all. They even provide chunky Kit Kats with the tea and coffee in the room! Small room but immac..."
"Good small hotel, with excellent service...."
"My stay for business was much more enjoyable than the alternative chain hotel experience and better value for money. A true home from home...."
About the hotel
The White House is a contemporary 'boutique' bed and breakfast in the heart of Kemp Town and just 100 yards from the seafront. Some rooms have sea views, two have balconies all are modern and stylish. Located near the seafront and just a short walk from the centre of Brighton, The White House is perfectly suited for both business and leisure guests.
All ten rooms have been uniquely decorated in a contemporary style and the atmosphere is friendly and relaxed. Breakfast is taken in the dining room, or outside if you prefer. The extensive breakfast menu is freshly prepared by the owner-chef using only best quality ingredients. Fair trade Tea and coffee making facilities are available in each room along with a colour TV and free WIFI Luxury rooms also have DVD players. The White house is a non smoking hotel throughout.
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Facilities Show/hide
- Main
- Hotel Non-Smoking Throughout, Cots available, Safety Deposit Box, Tea/Coffee making facilities in each room, Hairdryer in each room, Iron And Board In Each Room, Ground floor bedrooms
- Business
- Wi-Fi Available, In-room Broadband, Wi-Fi Available In Public Areas, Wi-Fi Available In Rooms
- In Room Entertainment
- Video/DVD Player, TV
- Leisure
- Video/DVD Library
Useful Info Show/hide
- 12:00
- 11:00
- Up to 0 years old
- The price shown is based on the occupancy and dates you have searched for. Prices and availability are subject to change based on the arrival date, number of nights and occupancy searched for. All prices are inclusive of all local taxes.
- Pets are not allowed
Customer Reviews
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95% would recommend it to a friend
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A perfect getaway in a wonderful intimate hotel. Brilliant for those with special dietary needs.
We had a lovely two day stay at The White House.
The manager emailed and texted to find out when we expected to arrive so someone would be t...
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The White House
Great hotel, can't fault it at all. They even provide chunky Kit Kats with the tea and coffee in the room. Small room but immac...
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The South Louisiana Economic Council is introducing the Entrepreneurial Training Series, an intensive 10-week course designed to assist small business owners with skills and concepts needed to operate a successful business.
The South Louisiana Economic Council is introducing the Entrepreneurial Training Series, an intensive 10-week course designed to assist small business owners with skills and concepts needed to operate a successful business.
The classes are scheduled to be held Tuesday evenings at the South Lafourche Library in Galliano beginning Jan. 8 and are open to small businesses in the Bayou Region parishes of Assumption, Lafourche, St. Mary and Terrebonne as well as the parishes of Calcasieu, Cameron, Iberia, Jefferson, Orleans, Plaquemines, St. Bernard, St. Tammany, Vermilion, Ascension, East Baton Rouge, Iberville, Livingston, Pointe Coupee, Rapides and St. Landry.
Registration is required and seating is limited. Those interested can register at bayouregion.com/events or call 448-4485 for information.
Do you know a woman that deserves being recognized for exemplary achievements and contributions in her everyday life?
The Louisiana Legislative Women's Caucus Foundation is accepting nominations for the 2013 Women of Excellence Awards. The awards recognize and honor women who personify excellence in their leadership, profession, academics, community service, character and integrity.
The categories include Business, College Woman of Excellence (ages 18 to 25), Education & Research, Louisiana Hero of Excellence, Military, High School Woman of Excellence (for graduating seniors) and Science, Technology, Engineering & Mathematics.
The High School Woman of Excellence Award and the College Woman of Excellence Award winners will each receive $1,000 for the Louisiana Legislative Women's Caucus Foundation Scholarship.
Nomination forms can be downloaded from the Women's Caucus website at http://llwc.louisiana.gov. The deadline to receive nomination forms is Feb. 8.
The awards will be given at the sixth-annual Women of Excellence Awards & Scholarship Gala in May in Baton Rouge. Time and location will be announced.
Bayou Industrial Group's first monthly luncheon of the year will feature Chris John, president of LA Mid-Continent Oil and Gas Association.
John will present an update on the health of the state's energy production industry as well as the economic outlook for local oil and gas support companies in Terrebonne and Lafourche parishes.
The luncheon will be at noon Jan. 14 at the Bayou Country Club in Thibodaux.
Reservations for members and guests are required by 5 p.m. Jan. 10. Contact Jennifer Armand at 580-3901 or at firstname.lastname@example.com to make a reservation.
There is a $20 fee for reserved guests and a $25 fee for walk-ins. Members attend the luncheon for free.
The Terrebonne Economic Development Authority is seeking votes for its next cash mob location.
The next cash mob event will be held from noon to 1 p.m. Jan. 16. Mobbers agree to spend $10-$20 at the designated site and time to create a mini economic stimulus for the business owner. The goal is to not only help these businesses boost sales for the day but also unite the community in support of the benefits of shopping local.
Which nominated small business would you like to see mobbed by the *@Terrebonne Parish Cash Mob on Wednesday, January 23 from 12-1 p.m.?
You can cast your vote for the following businesses: AHA Massage Clinic and Salon, Funktion Salon, Periwinkle Pink Gifts, Rrus & Co. and Shoefits.
The public can vote on the next location by emailing email@example.com or going to http://www.facebook.com/TerrebonneParishCashMob.