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Glory is back in the copilot seat, and James catches her up on what a Captain Marvel is, and his thoughts on this groundbreaking movie, and why these dude trolls be trollin- don't straight dudes like women? Kuddos to Rotten Tomatoes and other platforms who are changing their systems to combat Trollism. James just finished watching Finidng Neverland, thank God Oprah had a one hour special to help him unpack it, and Glory who hasn't seen it yet, we'll just say things stop getting pretty funny and they get into an impassioned debate, which of course this is very triggering stuff that we're bringing to light, and probably will be for a long time as we continue to have in depth conversations about abuse, and believing survivors, healing, and stopping the cycle of abuse. In honor of women's history month James is celebrating the late activist Marielle Franco of Brazil, a Black, lesbian, single mother politician who was assassinated a year ago, and Glory is giving us the low down on Black lady self made billionaire Madame C J Walker who was helping Black folks with their hair before it was taken over by white folks. Stick around to the end because we get in a conversation about Will Smith's latest controversial casting around colorism, and I'm not talking about his blue roll. Also in a first ever we have Glory's special Astrology Korner just for you because Mercury is in retrograde- or as we like to say: reset.
Resources for those in need of help, counseling, or support from sexual assault:
RAINN: https://www.rainn.org/
National Sexual Violence Resource Center: https://www.nsvrc.org/
What Therapist are Telling Trauma Survivors after Finding Neverland:
Follow Glory Mora on IG: @gloryisprettyfunny
Twitter: @minoritykorner
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Starting this new year off fresh after a little break! We give some shout outs to some other great black hosted podcasts. What is this decade called? Is it the Teens? With a quick detour into Dreamgirls. James gives us some BTS aka behind the scenes to his cameo on CBS Access' show Tell Me A Story. Nnekay breaks into some rare environmental successes not to have us rest on our laurels, but to motivate us to keep going to save our planet. James wants to celebrate and highlight the Kwanza day: Nia- by highlighting and creating goals for the new year. Using some of the things he learned from the Tony Robins Conference- James breaks down some tactics on how move forward in 2019 with goals set and ready to kick ass!
Twitter: @minoritykorner
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This week, the Wonder Twins are back and ready for the second week of 2018. Is Nnekay naked?! James investigates. James has discovered The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. Nnekay is super excited because and has loved him for a long time and pumps his podcast: Revisionist History. Going back to Tipping Point the twins discuss if they are Connectors, Mavens, or Salespeople. Also, the current Tipping Point we may be in. Speaking of... the Golden Globes! Specifically, Oprah's amazing speech, which motivated all of us to do better, be better, and get ready to fight. Not to mention Recy Taylor- Say Her Name! Continuing the trend of the Golden Globes, Nnekay decides to cover the topic of #TimesUp and the men who wore the pins on the red carpet. Are some of them hypocrites? Do they need to take those pins off? Or is it as simple as saying a sincere "sorry"? She'll give you the facts to find out. In James's Korner- he decides to educate everyone by covering the various racial politics that surround food and obesity in America. Why does obesity effect some races more than others? What are food desserts? How does heart disease factor in killing a disproportion of people of color? As a possible solution James speaks the truths of The Whole 30 and how it might help you re-calibrate your view on food. Thanks for listening and have a good week!
Minority Korner Store: https://teespring.com/minority-korner-t-shirt#pid=369&cid=6513&sid=front
Guide to A Gay Bar: Straight Guy Edition Pt. 3- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7MaDElNnwE
MUSIC: Brownout
EDITOR: Dr. Tara Dunderdale
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This week, Hollywood flexed its social justice muscle once again when it turned the 75th Golden Globes ceremony into a rally for gender equality. We'll debate the effectiveness of the black clad ceremony and revel in the glory of Oprah Winfrey's memorable speech.
Then, we'll review new songs by some of the biggest stars in music including Bruno Mars and Cardi B's "Finesse (Remix)," Kendrick Lamar and SZA's collaboration, "All the Stars," from the upcoming Black Panther film and Justin Timberlake's Super Bowl appetizer, "Filthy."
Plus, Amita reviews last week's Big Sell, the uplifting new age song by Laraaji, "I Can Only Bliss Out (F' Days)" and then Big Sells Sean on a new song by Kelela.
Follow us on Twitter & Instagram @PopInsiders
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Nnekay is still here, she's still in New York! James is showing her the sights! World Trade Center Monument, The High Line, The Stonewall Inn, a... bone... mall? Also James is excited to share his mutant power, which might not get him accepted into Professor X's institute. Did you know Madonna dated Tupac? The wonder twins discuss. Did you know that DeMario Jackson (from Bachelor in Paradise) asked Britney Spears out? James got to experience the fabulous Phylicia Rashad... sleep for most of the play? In James's Korner, we're discussing a tough topic (Trigger Warning). With the recent suicide of Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, James dives into one of the causes he was incredibly vocal about: Child Molestation. James breaks down some of the statistics from the website Darkness to Light, to squash a lot of the misconceptions that are spread. Also, James shares some tactics on how to protect those children that surround us. Next up! We try something new with a Super Soul Sunday. With all the intense conversations and whirlwind recording, we take a page from Oprah's book and discuss self worth, shared histories, race, and gentrification.
James's birthday came and went and for our two year anniversary of the podcast we updated our photos!!! The wonder twins give a tutorial on how to do a proper jump photo, watch out Tyra! Even though we don't mention Michael Jordan, we try to talk sports by talking about sports superstars. James breaks down the HBO movie, The Life of Henrietta Lacks- his everlasting love of Rose Byrne and mediocre appreciation for Oprah. James is confused, mystified, and interested by all the happenings with Bachelor in Paradise. Little known fact, Nnekay is apart of Bachelor Nation- so she is ready to school James on all the haps. In James' Korner, he breaks down the statistics and percentages of drug use and alcohol consumption in the LGBTQ community. Which might come as a surprise to you as it did to Nnekay. In addition to the stats, James gives tips on how to party safely and have fun without tragedy. In Nnekay's Korner, to celebrate the 45th birthday of Title IX, Nnekay references a feministing.com article to elaborate on what Title IX is and the many aspects and people it protects in our school system. Also... what's up with poodles?
Hey Buddies!
This week we've got special brand marketing expert / apocalypse junkie Shenee Howard from www.heyshenee.com. Does the apocalypse have a brand problem? How do you even go about fixing the end of the world's image? Who is the best spokesperson for the rebrand? I'll give you a hint... you get a zombie! And YOU get a zombie! Everyone's getting zombies!!!!!
This week on Pop Rocket, the gang talks about the lazy hazy days of summer. The amount of content that is released during the spring months slows down as summer moves on. But what shows did we miss when we were devouring the big springtime hits like The Handmaid's Tale, Big Little Lies and Master of None? Guy talks about the Oprah network soap opera Greenleaf, and his obsession with past seasons of Survivor. Margaret is diving into the true crime genre and watching The Keepers, a 7 part docuseries on Netflix. Karen's love of everything 80's comes through in her recommendation of AMC's Halt and Catch Fire. At the top of the show, Margaret brings up the latest Bill Maher controversy, and the panel have a conversation about gender, race, and the inability for some comedians to create respectful content in 2017. Plus, we get some solid jam recommendations from the gang, just in time for summer.
Guy Branum, Karen Tongson, and Margaret Wappler
Margaret Wappler - Inara George - Genius
Karen Tongson - Erasure - Chains of Love
Guy Branum - Little Mix - Shout Out To My Ex
Each week we'll add everyone's jams to this handy Spotify playlist.
You can let us know what you think of Pop Rocket and suggest topics in our Facebook group or via @PopRocket on Twitter.
Other Links:
Symone Sanders and Ice Cube on Real Time with Bill Maher
Produced by Christian Dueñas and Kara Hart for MaximumFun.org.
Oh My Oprah! This week is chock full with wonderful goodies for your ears to snack on! It's our second aka last pledge episode for the #MaxFunDrive, so this is your last chance to consider making a donation to the amazeballs Maximum Fun Podcasting Network! Up first is a Minority Korner fan favorite Korner: Movie Review Korner! James and Nnekay review Eddie Murphy's beautiful masterpiece, Vampire in Brooklyn, which includes so much that Nnekay AND James have a hard time wrapping their brains around. Just to name a few surpries: Cobras, bad and multiple wigs, Angela Basset screaming her head off, bad Jamaican accents, and John Witherspoon. Nnekay covers some of the injustice Actors of Color specifically Kal Penn have to deal with during casting, and james bring his Oprah-ish Lessons on how to break free of limits and steps on how to reach the potential your truly deserve. And lastly we have the second part of the non bonus episode portion of our interview with Ashley Nicole Black from Full Frontal with Samantha Bee! She talks about women in comedy, what it's like to work on TV, and the RNC. So hang on tight, put on your Angela Basset Pants By Basset Pants on to get comfy and Enjoy the show!
It's Minority Korner's first Maximum Fun Drive, so get ready to get wet, and make it rain! We are pulling out all the stops... all of them... there are no more left, as it is full speed ahead! But first James shares something very serious with Nnekay, and by default you the listeners as we unpack panic attacks, and the power of knowing what a problem is so you can confront it. James had a very heartwarming, Oprah style, empowering korner lined up, but then Queerty came up with 5 ways you might be Biphobic, and it is time to discuss. Are you Biphobic? Nnekay is tackling this week's 'Ask Minority Korner Anything' and is going to help one of the korner kids, and Black listeners everywhere, trace their genealogy using her sexy librarian prowess. And headlining this episode we have Ashley Nicole Black, writer and correspondent on "Full Frontal w/Samantha Bee" in the first of a 3 part interview series (though the final part is only available to listeners who donate and subscribe to Maximum Fun). Ashley talks to us about all kinds of things from Shonda Rhimes, to racism in Chicago, and we begin to chart her journey to 'Full Frontal'. Plus random things like Nnekay's love for Boxcar children, was Nancy Drew really lurking? Is Santa Real? Did Jennifer Hudson (AKA J-hud) drop by the Korner? Find out! As these two floppy titties get you hyped and ready to donate for the Maximum Fun Drive!
5 Signs Your Biphobic:
Map Your Genealogy:


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By: Darby Karchut
We've all heard of the negative effects of sitting too long. It's bad for our muscles, organs, and can even increase the risk of various kinds of cancer. As writers, we must be extra vigilant to guard against this insidious stalker of our health. If you want to know more of the medical hows and whys, you might want to read Get Up! Why Your Chair is Killing You and What You Can Do About It by Dr. James Levine (co-director of the Mayo Clinic). In his book, Dr. Levine lists the areas and systems of the body that are damaged by too much sitting:
Brain Damage (due to less fresh blood and oxygen)
Strained Neck and Shoulders
Back Problems
Muscle Degeneration
Hip Problems
Varicose Veins
Weak Bones
Even more depressing news: A study by the 2015 Inaugural Active Working Summit also found that sitting increases lung cancer by 54%, uterine cancer by 66%, and colon cancer by 30%.
Yikes! What's a writer to do?
Well, for one thing, get up out of your chair. The current mantra from health experts is to "stand up, sit less, move more." And by moving, they mean more than just our daily walk/run/gym time. Yes, vigorous sustained exercise once a day is vital to our health. However, a number of findings report that standing more during the day is also beneficial to people who don't exercise. In other words, any kind of moving around counts. The more, the better, but even a little helps.
Here are some straightforward, but effective, alternatives to sitting:
Stand at your desk. A couple of boards across two stacks of books will do the trick. Or, you can get those cool gizmos that raise and lower your work surface. Some experts recommend putting a foot rest (a small box works fine) under your desk. Standing with one foot on the box eases the strain on your back and hips. Switch feet as often as you like. This is one I use a lot, and it really works.
A treadmill/desk combo is also very popular. Just be careful not to get too engrossed in your writing and fall off.
An inflatable exercise ball is a cheap and easy alternative to chairs. Roll it side to side as you write to work your core muscles.
Of course, a gadget that you wear on your wrist that measures your steps is another way to keep moving. I've never tried one, but a lot of my friends find them motivating.
However, standing or walking makes it harder to concentrate. So, a rule of thumb that I found helpful is the
20-8-2 Breakdown. For every 30 minutes, sit for
20 minutes, stand for 8 minutes, move for 2 minutes. You can set your phone's
alarm, your sports watch, or even an egg timer, to remind yourself.
Once you're up, the moving around part can be as simple as walking around your house or office, climbing up and down a flight of stairs, jogging in place, do a round of jumping jacks, or break out the yoga mat. Even light housework counts. Just move. I read of one executive who makes a point of walking laps around her office whenever she's on a phone call.
Breakdown isn't supposed to be a hard and fast rule, however. It's more of a
reminder to incorporate opportunities into your workday to rise up. The more you
move, the more your body craves it, which in turn, encourages you to be more active.
It's a wonderful, virtuous cycle.
So, give it a try for a week. See what works for you. Even small steps can add up to big results. Like writing a book, no? The hardest part is getting started.
I'd love to hear your suggestions on what you do to keep healthy while writing. Please feel free to share in the comments below.
About the Author: Darby Karchut is an award-winning author, dreamer, and compulsive dawn greeter. A native of New Mexico, she now lives in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains, where she runs in blizzards and bikes in lightning storms. When not dodging death by Colorado, Darby is busy writing for children, teens, and adults. She is represented by Amanda Rutter at Red Sofa Literary.

subset: commoncrawl


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The Centre for International Governance Innovation and Sanctuary Refugee Health Centre are pleased to welcome Jean-Nicolas Beuze, United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) representative to Canada as he discusses the unmet health care needs of refugees. He is joined in discussion by Dr. Michael Stephenson, founder, director and chief physician of Sanctuary Refugee Health Centre in Kitchener.
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Welcome to Volume 4 Number 15 of this E-Newsletter.
Grace, Mercy and Peace from our Risen Savior.
Between Easter and Ascension we get a lot of similar readings in our Gospel each week. They are for the most part stories of Jesus appearing to his disciples and other people before his Ascension. Most of the stories follow a similar arch. Jesus appears to a person or group, He explains the resurrection using scripture to do so, He eats something or breaks bread with them, which is usually where they recognize him, and then Jesus leaves. This arch happens time and time again. Usually the encounter also has a moment where Jesus tells the group to look at his hands and side. Now this is where my current wonderings come in.
It was not until this week I guess that I stopped to think about what I imagined those wounds looked like on Jesus. I guess I had always just assumed they were still open wounds maybe still healing or maybe in just my mind looking rather cartoonish like when Willie E. Coyote gets a hole blown in him and you see right through. But I was reading the other day about the idea that, when Jesus showed his hands and side that they were scars. Which made me stop and consider my own history or experience with scars and the way healing works.
As we grow older our bodies show signs of where we have been in life and what we have experienced. Which, if you ask me, is a beautiful thing because it is a physical reminder that we as people are shaped and molded into who we are in this moment by our past, where the Spirit has led us, by our experiences, by our joys and failures. I once heard a musician sing the line that has stuck with me, he was singing a love song to his now wife about them coming together and falling in love and he said "all my mistakes led me to you." Now, I am not saying that the crucifixion was a mistake but why would our Savior who became human not scar and not carry that embodiment, that humanity on his self?
I find deep comfort in the fact that the God I worship because human to share in my experiences in the world. To share not just in the joys of life but in the pains and scaring of life as well. The world seems to chase perfection, which when we are honest with ourselves is unattainable, we seek to stay young, to be successful in our first attempts, to never fail but we know that those are not the realities of life. We are going to have to try something multiple times, we are going to have to keep working on those relationships that are strained or hard, we are going to get scars along the way. But the promise of God to be with us and remind with us is going to stay with us our entire lives because we have a God that has scars just like us.
**I am always interested in discussing issues and current events with anyone so please feel free to contact me for conversation.
Prayer Requests: Nicolas, Shirley P., Debi, Andrea, David, Daniel, Dorothy F, Ellie and Noel, Christopher and Jill, Lee, Tom S., Rev. Maggie, Todd, Melanie, Jane, Don, Rheasa (Re-A-Sa) and Caleb, Patty and Berry, Jim, Barbara, Cookie, help us to remember and keep the promises we made to Oscar, Otto, Leah, Nichole, Sophia, Danielle, Grayson, Elijah in their baptism, St. Mark's Lutheran, St. Paul Lutheran, Puddletown School, we pray for students and teachers everywhere, help us to remain troubled by everything that is troubling in the world, we pray for all those lonely or forgotten in their time of need, we pray for the church, the world, and all those in need.
New Members- We are starting to work on another round of new member class, so if you have been a part of the community and would like to be become an official member please let Pastor Andrew know.
Church Photos- If anyone did not get their photo taken for the church please let Pastor Andrew know so we can get one scheduled for you.
Church Workday- It may not feel like it outside but Spring is upon us and that means it is time for a little spring cleaning around church. Join us April 28th for some clean up around the church. We will be mainly focusing on the exterior of the building but there will be interior projects to be done as well. We will get started around 9am and hopefully wrap up around 12.
Tell Me More?- Are there things you see or we do around church that you wonder why? Like what are the symbols about on Pastor Andrew's stoles, or do pieces of our liturgy come from scripture, if so where? We will be compiling a list of questions over the coming weeks that we can chat about and learn together.
Last week to take your Easter Lilies- Feel free to take your lilies from the sanctuary after worship. Any lilies left after Sunday will be taken to a loving home.
5th Sunday In-Gathering- We will be collecting books for the Blast off For Books campaign over the coming weeks in support of the ELCA Youth Gathering in Houston this summer. There is a set book list that you can find posted at church or attached to this email. Let the church office know if you have questions.
Rescheduled! What's Going On- We will continue our Wednesday gatherings at Shut Up and Eat (SE 39th and Gladstone) at 6:30pm. Keep your eyes peeled for new dates upcoming.
Portland Chamber Music Concert- We are happy to be hosting the wonderful Portland Chamber Music Ensemble on May 12th at 6pm. This is a free concert that allows you to get up close to the musicians, ask questions and engage with music in a new way. Be sure to join us!
Synod Assembly- The Oregon Synod is trying something new this year for Synod Assembly. In years past we have gathered at a retreat center somewhere for three days. This year we are going to be breaking the event into two smaller events. The first is a Regional Gathering, there are five days around the Synod for congregations to gathering with fellow congregations in their local area, ours is May 5th at West Linn Lutheran and everyone is welcome to coming. The second event is our one day business meeting on May 19th at Gethsemane Lutheran and we can send two representatives from the congregation. If you are interested in either event please let Pastor Andrew know.
Summer Preaching and Singing- With summer on the horizon it is time to start thinking about topics you are interested in hearing Pastor Andrew preach about this summer and your favorite hymns to sing. There will be a sign up sheet in the narthex for you to write down your suggestions.
Eco-Faith Recovery- We will be gathering in the coming weeks to chat about the next steps in deepening our connection and relationship with the world around us through Eco-Faith Recovery.
Sign-Up Now- Many of our members have been doing some of the Worship Assistant jobs for a long time now and we are looking to get new people into worship leadership. We have created a new sign up sheet in the back of the sanctuary for those wishing to participate. If you have any questions concerning the positions please contact Pastor Andrew or someone you have seen filling that role. There will be a time after church on a future Sunday where we will walk through the responsibilities of each position if you have questions.
Organ Fund- Are you enjoying the sound of the new Organ? we are accepting contributions to the Organ Fund to help with cost of this instrument. Please mark your donation "Organ Fund" so we can apply it to the proper account.
Holy Trinity Supper Club- Our next gathering will be be in April still at 5pm. We will be gathering for dinner then Holden Evening Prayer. Bring something to share and come hungry!
Children's Clothing Closet- The 4th Saturday of each month the Bethlehem Children's Clothing Closet is open at St. Mark's Lutheran Church from 12-2pm. Please pass the word along, there is also always a need for donations and volunteers. Contact Pastor Andrew if you have any questions.
Vigils at Immigration and Customs Enforcement- The Interfaith Movement for Immigrant Justice is hosting two events monthly to stand in solidarity with our immigrant brothers and sisters at the Portland Office of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (4310 SW Macadam Ave.). On the 2nd Thursday of each month at 12 pm a group will gather for walking, prayer and meditation and on the last Thursday of each month at 10 am there will be a prayer vigil held. Pastor Andrew will be attending as many as his schedule allows if you would like to come along.
Clothes Needed- Clothes for the summer months, especially shoes are needed for people who are part of the Re-entry program at the Clark County Jail. You can help show Gods merciful love to hurting people who are being released from jail often to the streets to be homeless. Be part of a success story. Your donation will give a person warmth, safety, hope, and dignity as they try and rebuild their lives. Donations can be brought to Holy Trinity Lutheran Church. Let's help people start their journey with a gift from the Lord.
Bible Study on Matthew- We have a few more sessions in our study, that we will be looking to complete in the next few weeks. Through conversation we have decided to try to re-incorporate a Sunday Bible Study in which we will finish the last three session. Stay tuned for more information.
If you would like a printed version of our weekend newsletter they can be found on the bulletin board by the bathrooms at church.
There are some Lutheran community organizers looking to get to know SE Portland and do some work around concerns in the community. If you are interested in the future of our corner of Portland and want to chat with them they would love to hear about your passions and desires for Portland. Let Andrew know if you are interested in chatting with them.
We have been invited on the second Friday of every month to join for worship with the saints at Our Lady of Sorrows Church here in Woodstock. At 7pm on those Fridays they gather for a Taize Service. Taize is an ecumenical community in France that has developed a method of prayer that combines music, prayer and silence. It is a beautiful service and something that cannot be related in words but needs to be experienced. If you are looking for a new worship opportunity you should check it out.
Holy Trinity's Little Library- Thanks to Keith our Little Library is now complete and up on the fence! It is located on Ogden Street right off of 39th. So if you need a book or have a few to donate swing on by.
-There are many ways to connect and engage with Holy Trinity Lutheran.
Find us on Facebook: Holy Trinity Lutheran Church Portland
Spread the word on Yelp
Join us for devotions on Instagram: HTLCPDX
Follow us on Twitter @HTLCPDX
If you are interested in my occasional musing on my blog you can find it here http://spoileralertimnotagoodwriter.blogspot.com
Keep an eye on our webpage www.htlcpdx.com for more updates as well.
Pastor Andrew's schedule for 4/16-20
*This is scheduled to change depending on Nari's adjustment to being home
Monday- around church or SE in the a.m.
Tuesday- around Church or SE PDX- text study at noon
Wednesday-Around Church or SE PDX
Thursday- around Church or SE PDX,
Friday- Sermon work-on call if needed
Pastor Andrew


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Adult Karate - Age 14+
Whether you are looking to just get into better shape and be healthier, learn to defend yourself or just looking for the skills to improve your life, Macleay Martial Arts will give you what you are looking for and a whole lot more!
Physical Fitness for all levels (You don't have to be in shape to get in shape!)
Practical and simple self-defence techniques.
Life skills to improve awareness, focus, patience, confidence and assertiveness .
Improved discipline and leadership skills and respect for self and others.


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Search and Rescue is one of the companion skills you can aquire through an 9-Event in Skyforge. It displays via a small icon all Survivors in a radius of 80′ around your character and tripples the follower gain from rescuing them, but it also tripples the faith gain you get instead of the followers after you find 100 Survivors.
Finding Survivors on region maps and getting followers from them is the only other way to build up your followership (besides spending credits) in your cathedrale. So to help the players who don't own this very handy companion skill and making live really easy for people who owns it, I made a map of the Antea Wasteland where I found Survivors and marked them with a red dot.
I don't claim that this map is complete, if you find Surviors that are not marked please comment down below.


text:
Pun Dictionary: S Entries
S and M (Europe: Germany)
S.O.B. [son of a bitch] (Tom Swifties)
"There's a term for people like you," Tom sobbed.
Why does Esso have a tiger for a mascot instead of a bee (like Cheerios)? Because nobody wants to deal with an Esso Bee.
S.U.G. Jest (Tom Swifties)
"Let's play a joke on the Sun Users Group," Tom suggested.
Sabres (Hockey)
Members of the Sabres hockey team have the mistaken belief that the sword is mightier than the pun.
Said (Tom Swifties)
"Sure I've used the Unix stream editor," sed Tom.
"Swifties and palindromes don't mix," said Eve Dias.
Saints (Football)
The nicest, most caring people work for the Saints franchise.
Sal Ammoniac (Book Titles)
Wake Up!: Sal Ammoniac
Salamander (Book Titles)
Lizards of Fire: Sally Mander
Salamis (One-Liners)
The Battle of Salamis involved ships, not sausages.
Salary (Food)
Do vegetarians earn a higher celery than others?
Sale (Tom Swifties)
"Zo please tell us what you have for zale," said Tom zealously.
Sally Forth (Book Titles)
Get Out There!: Sally Forth
Salon (Europe: Balkans)
Nicky asked: "Where do Greeks get their hair done?" My response: "At Thessaloniki."
Salt (Chemistry)
Some say chemistry profs are the salt of the earth; others say otherwise.
Samba (Book Titles)
Latin Dances for Sheep: Sam Baa
Same Thing (Book Titles)
I Can't See The Difference: Sam Ting
Samurai (Book Titles)
A Warrior's Whiskey: Sam U. Rye
San Diego (Book Titles)
Southern California Waffles: Sandy Eggo
San Francisco (Book Titles)
Still Looking For My Heart: Sam Francisco
Sandwich (Australasia)
A very edible island chain is called the Sandwich Islands.
Sandy/Shelly Beach (Book Titles)
Summer Vacation: Sandy and Shelley Beach
Sangria (One-Liners)
The drink that makes you mad is sangria.
Sank (Tom Swifties)
"I appleciate your lecommendation to take the Titanic," said Ichiro sankfully.
The Titanic was like the French number five: it cinq.
Sans Serif [font] (One-Liners)
Sansa Stark ran her boat aground on a font: the Sansa Reef.
Santa Cruise (USA)
If Santa Claus took a trip on the Love Boat, it would be called the Santa Cruz.
Sarah Awake (Asia: Southeast)
Is Sarawak? She has to catch the school bus in 20 minutes.
Sarah Soda (USA)
Sarah's fondness for cream soda got her the nickname Sarasota.
Sarah Toga (USA)
When Sarah wrapped herself in a bed sheet, it was promptly dubbed the Saratoga.
Sarcasm (Europe: Germany)
It would be cruelly ironic if the Saar River had cut a really deep gorge in its path. Said gorge would be the Saar chasm.
Sardine (Europe: Italy)
Where to find the best sardines. Sardinia.
Sasquatch (Food)
That tall, hairy fellow with the large feet who likes to hang around vegetable gardens and farms is called Sasquash.
Sass Tune (Canada)
A song to sing while being sassy: Saskatoon.
Satirical (One-Liners)
Any humour about a person who's part horse has to be satyrical.
Satis-Factory (Jokes)
Where are averages made? In the satisfactory.
Satyr (Tom Swifties)
"You resemble a goat," said Tom satirically.
Saudi Arabia (Middle East)
Would a lawn care company succeed in Soddy Arabia?
Save Your Breath (Book Titles)
Stop Arguing: Xavier Breath
Saves (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross an evangelist with a hockey puck? A puck that saves itself.
Saving Private Ryan (Misc)
My friend Ryan could star in a reality show about his quest for the perfect jock-strap. It could be called "Saving Ryan's Privates".
Saw It (Two-Liners)
I can cut a tree in half just by looking at it. I saw it with my own eyes!
Saw Such (Food)
What were you doing in the kitchen? I never sausage a mess!
Saw your Scanties (Book Titles)
Peeping Tom: Sawyer Scanties
Saw-See (Tom Swifties)
"The seesaw is upside down," said Tom saucily.
Say The (Greek Letters)
Just zeta magic word and poof, you're a genius.
Say the Word (Book Titles)
Ready...Set...: Sadie Word
Says (Mathematics)
"I'm the master of French numbers!" "Says who?" "Seize me!"
Scan Da Navy In (Europe: Scandinavia)
Why do Swedish navy ships have big bar codes on the side? When they get into port, the Admiral can Scandinavian.
Scan them (Chemistry)
How a chemist digitizes photos: she Scandium.
Scanned an avian (Europe: Scandinavia)
The Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, i.e. It Scandinavian.
Scanty (Tom Swifties)
"Those Victoria's Secret models aren't wearing much," said Tom with scanty praise.
Scar Borrow (Toronto)
The scar lending service for makeup artists is in Scarborough.
Scarlet (Toronto)
There is no Red Road in Toronto, but there is a Scarlett Road.
Scavenger Hunt (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a vulture with a small grass house? A scavenger hut.
Scent 'Em (Mathematics)
What a bloodhound does while chasing a woman: Centre.
Scholar (Toronto)
A lot of people with Ph.D. degrees live on Scollard St.
Scores (Sports)
Classical composers like Verdi and Rossini would have been good at sports, as evidenced by the scores they created.
Scot-free (Book Titles)
How To Beat A Murder Rap: Scott Free
Scotland Yard (Book Titles)
Holmes Does It Again: Scott Linyard
Scramble (Tom Swifties)
"I stole some eggs; how would you like them?" asked the poacher as he scrambled away.
Scream (Computers)
When frightened, a common reaction of a person is to screen.
Screech [of tires] (Tom Swifties)
"STOP!!!" Tom screeched.
Scull (Anatomy)
"You row with your head? Nonsense!" "Not at all. I skull."
Sea Date (Tom Swifties)
"I'm going out with a mermaid tonight," said Tom sedately.
Sea Shells (Africa)
She sells Seychelles by the sea shore.
Seal (Animals)
This pun book has the seal of approval of the International Save the Pun Foundation.
Seasoned (Expressions)
The soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran.
Second (Misc)
Clockmakers never win races. They always come in second place.
Second Fiddle (One-Liners)
A guy threw away a violin made from watches because he didn't want to be second fiddle to anyone.
Second Guest (Tom Swifties)
"So only one person arrived at your party before I did?" Tom second-guessed.
Second Hand (Jokes)
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook? From the second hand store.
Where does a clock maker buy spare parts? From the second hand store.
Secrete (Tom Swifties)
"I can't tell you anything about my salivary glands," said Tom secretively.
Sedan (Europe: France)
A geographer's favourite type of car is a Sedan.
Sedans (One-Liners)
"The Waltz of the Cars" could be called the "Sedance".
See How he Runs (Book Titles)
Joe Wins at a Track Meet: C. Howie Runns
See Kay Undress (Book Titles)
The Peeping Tom: C. K. Undress
See Lawn (Asia: South)
When the geographer looked at the grass in his yard, he exclaimed "I Ceylon!"
See Light (Geology)
How to insult a geologist: look into his ear and say "I scheelite!"
See More Buns (Book Titles)
Full Moon: Seymour Buns
See More Butts (Book Titles)
Under the Bleachers: Seymour Butts
See More Clearly (Book Titles)
The Optician's Guide: Seymour Clearly
See Myself (Two-Liners)
I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's something I can see myself doing.
See None (Chemistry)
"Do you see Waldo and his friends?" "I xenon of them."
See Straight (Expressions)
How about the guy who got so drunk at the Gay Pride parade that he couldn't see straight?
See The (Greek Letters)
Can you theta rainbow? Ithn't it pwetty?
See Well (Jokes)
Why did the old man fall in the well? He couldn't see that well.
Seedy (Misc)
When I saw a pile of CD-ROMs on a co-worker's desk, I asked him if he was from a CD part of town.
Seems (Clothing)
Welcome to the Surrealist Clothing Shop, where nothing is as it seams.
Seen Them All (Expressions)
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Seen ya Before (Book Titles)
That Woman Gives Me Deja-Vu: Xena Before
Seize (Mathematics)
As the French numbers say, "Carpe Diem! Six the day!"
Seize them (Chemistry)
What the cops did to the chemist's illegal drugs: Cesium.
Self-Efface [erase] (Tom Swifties)
"Look what I can do with this eraser!" said Mickey Mouse self-effacingly.
Selfish (Tom Swifties)
"No, you can't have any of my oysters," said Tom shellfishly.
Self-Right (Tom Swifties)
"I was in my kayak, practising my eskimo roll," said Tom self-righteously.
Self-Satisfy (Tom Swifties)
"Of course I still masturbate," said Tom with a look of self-satisfaction.
Sell my Soul (Book Titles)
What Mephistopheles Did: Thelma Soul
Sell-Out Crowd (Expressions)
Is an audience of traitors, turncoats and quislings a sell-out crowd?
Semi-Literate (Book Titles)
Dan Quayle's Englush Skils: Sammy Literate
Sensational (One-Liners)
My karate teacher was not just excellent, he was sensei-tional.
Sense (Money)
Common cents should be a guiding force in investment.
Senses (Tom Swifties)
"Of course I can be seen, heard, and smelt," said Tom sensibly.
Sentence (One-Liners)
A prisoner's favourite punctuation mark is the period because it marks the end of his sentence.
Sentimental Journey (Physical)
The favourite song of a geographer who studies rivers is "Sedimental Journey".
Sentinel (Toronto)
Lookouts and security guards live on Sentinel Road.
Seoul (Tom Swifties)
"South Korea has a lovely capital city," said Tom soulfully.
Serengeti (One-Liners)
The best way to wrap up a safari is a trip to the Saran-geti.
Serge Suit (Book Titles)
Tailoring: Serge Soote
Sergeant At Arms (Book Titles)
Guarding the Door: Sergeant Atarms
Serial killer (Jokes)
What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.
Series (Astronomy)
Astronomers and baseball can mix, witness the World Ceres.
Serve Yourselfe (Europe: Balkans)
Sign at the salad bar: "Serbia self."
Service (Meteorology)
The cirrus in this restaurant is terrible.
Set (Mathematics)
I've collected all of the French numbers! I have the full sept!
Sewerage Pipe (Book Titles)
Waste Water: Sue Ridgepipe
Sex Offender (Jokes)
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender.
Shake (Food)
What to drink after experiencing an earthquake: Shakes.
Shake a Leg (Book Titles)
Get Moving!: Sheik Aleg
Shaken, But not Stirred (Tom Swifties)
"I didn't have much of a feeling for the James Bond movie I watched during an earthquake," said Tom, shaken but not stirred.
Shaky Ground (Expressions)
I forgot to study for my exam on earthquakes and soon found myself on shaky ground.
Sham Pain (One-Liners)
The problem with champagne is that too much of it will create realpagne. But it's the journey, not the destination, right?
Sham Rock (Geology)
It's never a good idea to give a shamrock to a geologist, even on St. Patrick's Day.
Shamrock (One-Liners)
Detractors of Nickelback say they're perfect for St. Patrick's Day because they play sham-rock.
Shania Twain (India)
Should an Indian country/pop singer call herself Chennai-a Twain?
Share (Money)
The stock broker always has a preferred share he or she likes to sit in.
Share And (1) (Astronomy)
Generous astronomers believe in the phrase "Charon share alike".
Share And (2) (Names)
A famous clich� learned in kindergarten: Sharon share alike.
Share and Share Alike (Book Titles)
Rules For Living: Sharon Sharalike
Sharks (Hockey)
Never borrow money from hockey loan Sharks.
Sharp (Tom Swifties)
"This is life on the cutting edge," said Tom sharply.
Sharp [music] (Tom Swifties)
"We're not in tune. Are you sure you aren't singing flat?" asked Tom sharply.
Shar-pei [dog breed] (Canada)
Which Canadian province has totally gone to the dogs? Shar-PEI.
She Can't (Mathematics)
Can a female mathematician turn into a mushroom? No, secant.
Sheba (One-Liners)
Can a ewe be the Queen of Shebaa?
Sheepish (Tom Swifties)
"I just bought a wool sweater," said Tom sheepishly.
"Mutton makes men macho," bleated Tom sheepishly.
She'll (Geology)
I'll tell her that rock puns are great, but shale just ignore me.
She'll Be (Book Titles)
What's Going to be Happening Around the Mountain?: Shelby Coming.
Shift [clothing] (Tom Swifties)
"How do you like my petticoat?" asked Mary shiftlessly.
Shift Work (Two-Liners)
I've found a job helping a one-armed typist with capital letters. It's shift work.
Shirt (Geology)
The geologist played poker, but wound up losing his chert.
Shit Zoo (Two-Liners)
A man walked into a zoo, but the only animal there was a dog. It was a shitzu.
Shock and Awe (Expressions)
Defibrillators are an example of "shock and awe". You shock the patient, and say "Aww, yay!" if it works, or "Aww, crap!" if it doesn't.
A Pikachu is an adorable Pok�mon that also packs a potent zap attack. It's the Pok�mon equivalent of "Shock and Awww".
Shoes and Socks (Book Titles)
Foot Coverings: Susan Socks
Shoo (Clothing)
"Get lost, you mangy mutt! Scram! Shoe!"
Shoot the Breeze (Expressions)
Chat with friends or murder cheese; either way we shoot the bries.
Shooter (Toronto)
Gunslingers from the Wild West buy their ammo on Shuter St.
Shopping List (1) (Book Titles)
Classic Groceries: Chopin Liszt
Shopping List (2) (Music)
What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A Chopin Liszt.
Short (One-Liners)
An article of clothing best avoided by electricians is shorts.
Short For (Expressions)
What's E.T. short for? Because he's only got little legs.
Short Stop (Baseball)
To make a shortstop in an emergency, slam on the brakes.
Shortly (Tom Swifties)
"I'll be there to see the Munchkins," said Tom shortly.
Shotgun (Dentist)
When going for a car ride, the dentist always calls "shotgum".
Shotput (Sports)
Sports Mathematics: Golf + Marksmanship = Shot Putt.
Shots Ring Out (Jokes)
Whenever a customer asked a bartender for a shooter, he rang a bell. When asked why, he said "And suddenly, a shot rang out."
Shrink Wrap (One-Liners)
If a psychiatrist started to channel Tupac, would that make her a shrink wrap?
Sick More (Trees/Shrubs)
His health is rapidly deteriorating. Instead of getting better, he just gets sycamore.
Sigh Gone (Asia: Southeast)
The city of departed sighs is Saigon.
Sighs (Greek Letters)
Why are elephants so large? Because of their great psi's.
Sighs-mograph (One-Liners)
The elephant was so depressed that his huge sighs were picked up on seismographs.
Sign (Mathematics)
A mathematician's pickup line at a singles bar: "Hey, baby, what's your sine?"
Sign Us (Anatomy)
There are spots available in the dissection course? Well, sinus up for it!
Significant [digit, math] (Tom Swifties)
"Since the leftmost bit of a normalized mantissa is always 1, let's just omit it," said Tom significantly.
Signs Were There (One-Liners)
I refused to believe that my father stole from his job as a roads worker, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
Sik Him (India)
How to set a dog upon someone in India: say "Sikkim!"
Silly (Europe: United Kingdom)
Punsters like the Scilly Isles best of all.
Silly Con (Chemistry)
What you get if you put a comedian in jail: Silicon.
Silver (Chemistry)
How did the Lone Ranger injure the fortune teller? He crossed her palms with Silver.
Sin Bar (Geology)
The bar where mineralogists break the Ten Commandments: the cinnabar.
Sin Optics (Meteorology)
The study of the properties of light in an evil medium is called synoptics.
"Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart," say the synoptic Gospels.
Sin Sears (Tom Swifties)
"I just shoplifted from a major department store," said Tom sincerely.
Sin Tactics (Tom Swifties)
"I studied law to learn ways to avoid getting caught," said Tom syntactically.
Single (Canada)
There is a little town in southwestern Ontario that isn't called Married, because it is Fingal.
Single Mind (Tom Swifties)
"I've had a hemisphererectomy," said Tom single-mindedly.
Single Minder [as in mind the kids] (Tom Swifties)
"My mother was unmarried and brought me up all by herself," said Tom single-mindedly.
Single Mine (Tom Swifties)
"All these years prospecting, and all I have to show for it is the deed to this hole in the ground under my outhouse that otherwise ain't worth nuthin'," said Tom single mine diddly squat.
Sing-Song (Tom Swifties)
"Look at that monster's sandals!" said Tom in a thing-thong voice.
Sink (Chemistry)
What a ship does when it's torpedoed: Zinc.
Sinking (Asia: China)
Rats are always the first to leave a Sinkiang ship.
Sin-Nick (Tom Swifties)
"If the name 'St. Nicholas' for Santa Claus, and the name 'Old Nick' for the Devil, both derive from the Teutonic sea god Hold Nickar, what does that tell us about Santa Claus?" asked Tom cynically.
Sin-Til-Late (Tom Swifties)
"Let's orgy all night!" said Tom scintillatingly.
Sir Kitt (Physics)
After Mr. Kitt had been knighted, he was called circuit.
Sir Kull (Mathematics)
A knight of the Mathematical Round Table was Sir Kull.
Sir Mise[r] (Tom Swifties)
"That penny pincher always wants to be addressed in a formal manner," Tom surmised.
Sir Ten (Tom Swifties)
"The number after nine must be knighted," said Tom certainly.
Sirius [star] (Tom Swifties)
"Boy, that's a bright star," said Tom seriously.
Sis Catch One (Canada)
"Did Saskatchewan rabbit?" "No, Sis caught two of them."
Sis Silly (Europe: Italy)
My sister wants to balance an atlas on her nose while juggling three globes? Boy, is Sicily!
Sit Down (Book Titles)
...And Shut Up!: Sid Downe
Skid (Cars)
The alcoholic race car driver wound up on skid row.
Skid [transporting goods] (One-Liners)
People who operate pallet jacks can truly say that their life is on the skids, and that they live on Skid Row.
Skip (Names)
I enjoy jumping rope: Skip.
Skip to my Lou (Book Titles)
Children's Songbook: Skip Tumalu
Skirt (Clothing)
Garment makers are natural politicians, since they can skirt the issues with ease.
Skittish (One-Liners)
People in improv troupes don't get nervous, but they do get a little skittish.
Skull (Sports)
To use your head while rowing: Scull.
Sky (1) (Anatomy)
What a pilot tells an overambitious date: "The thigh is the limit!"
Sky (2) (Europe: United Kingdom)
A tart in the Hebrides is a pie in the Skye.
Slays (Christmas)
Haw-haw! Christmas puns are so funny, they absolutely sleigh me!
Sleep [from ether, an anaesthic] (Tom Swifties)
"I just can't use Ethernet too often," said Tom sleepily.
Sleepers [pyjamas] (Expressions)
If I were to make a film called "Pyjamas!", would it become a sleeper hit?
Slipper (Food)
Footwear made from banana peels could be called slippers.
Slow Vakia (Europe: Eastern)
The opposite of Fastvakia is Slovakia.
Slowin' Down (Book Titles)
"Deceleration!": Sloane Down
Slow-Mo Replay (Book Titles)
Let's see That Again!: Schlomo Replay
Sly [nickname for Sylvester] (Tom Swifties)
"Listen to my Stallone impression," said Tom slyly.
Smarty Pants (Book Titles)
Quips For The Young At Heart: Marty Pants
Smelled (Animals)
Response to fishy flatulence: "He who smelt it, dealt it!"
Smoking a Joint (Expressions)
"Ow! My knee hurts so much, it feels like it's on fire!" "Whoa, man, are you smoking a joint?"
Smores [snack] (Geography)
Where in Papua New Guinea does one go for campfire snacks? Port Smoresby, of course.
Snap [photograph] (Tom Swifties)
"I'll use my camera if I want to," Tom snapped.
Snappish (Tom Swifties)
"I don't want Crackle or Pop!" said Tom Snappishly.
Snarl [tangle in hair] (Tom Swifties)
"This brush isn't helping my hair one bit," Tom snarled.
Snort [inhale powder through nose] (Tom Swifties)
"Cocaine? Me? Never touch it!" Tom snorted.
So Depressing (Expressions)
I had a job crushing pop cans. It was soda pressing.
So He Did It (Book Titles)
It was Him!: Zoe Didit
So What Else is New (Expressions)
Bored big game hunter's complaint: "So what else is gnu?"
Soap Opera (Expressions)
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
Sob (Cars)
A tale of misery and woe about a bad car is a Saab story.
Sober [brand of something?] (Tom Swifties)
"Yes, I'm THAT strongly built," said Tom soberly.
Sock (Clothing)
To hit people with footwear is to sock it to them.
Sock Her (Sports)
Fran: "Sally hit Molly!" Jan: "I've been wanting to soccer myself for quite a while."
Socrates (One-Liners)
A philosopher who would have liked kicking a ball around was Soccer-ates.
Soft (Jokes)
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Soft [bike wheel] spoke (Tom Swifties)
"My bicycle wheel is melting," Tom spoke softly.
Sold Out (Expressions)
I went to the toy store to get a Benedict Arnold Action Figure, but it had sold out.
Sole (1) (Anatomy)
Do lonely feet sing "O sole mio?"
Sole (2) (Astronomy)
He was the Sol survivor of the rocket explosion.
Solicit Us (Tom Swifties)
"No, I have NOT had enough!" said Tom solicitously.
Solitary (Book Titles)
All Alone: Saul E. Terry
Some (1) (Anatomy)
Thumb uf uth can't thpeak pwoperly.
Some (2) (Europe: France)
"Somme Like it Hot" is a classic movie starring Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe.
Some Enchanted Evening (1) (Book Titles)
Songs from 'South Pacific': Sam and Janet Evening
Some Enchanted Evening (2) (Food)
A school of monkfish wanted to join the Gregorian Order. Their first song was "Salmon Chanted Evening".
Some Enchanted Evening [song] (Food)
Do Gregorian fishermen in the South Pacific sing Salmon Chanted Evening?
Some More (Australasia)
Oliver Twist in Geography class: "Please, sir, I want Samoa."
Some Were Set (Europe: United Kingdom)
Describing the placement of objects: Somerset here and the rest were put over there.
Sore (Two-Liners)
A conversation in Valhalla: "I am Thor!" "Here, have thome athpirin."
Sore and Red (Book Titles)
Too Rough: Soren Redd
Sot (Tom Swifties)
"Okay, sho I drank too much," said Tom, sotto voce.
Souffle (Book Titles)
The French Chef: Sue Flay
Soul (Asia: Korea)
I love this city, heart and Seoul.
Sound (Physical)
Audiophile geographers don't have stereos, they have "sound systems".
People who snore are sound sleepers.
Sound Off (Tom Swifties)
"I am so singing in tune," Tom sounded off.
Sour Puss (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
Soviet Union (Book Titles)
Defunct Nations: Sophie Etunion
Spare [bowling] (Tom Swifties)
"Hah! I got that ten pin down!" said Tom sparingly.
Spare Gus (Food)
Asparagus and take me instead! Gus is my best friend!
Sparingly (Tom Swifties)
"I'm glad I had an extra wedding band," said Tom sparingly.
Spec[tacles] (Tom Swifties)
"The optician probably doesn't have my glasses ready," Tom speculated.
Specimen (Tom Swifties)
"Hah! I've got that animal pegged!" Tom specified.
Spectacle (Two-Liners)
Did you hear about the optician at the party? Two glasses and he made a spectacle of himself.
Spell Disaster (Expressions)
I just swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Spell it Out [expression] (Tom Swifties)
"I-t. O-u-t," said Tom, having to spell it out for people.
Spelling (Jokes)
What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
Spelling Bee (Jokes)
What's more amazing than a talking dog? A spelling bee!
Spiked Drink (Book Titles)
The Senior Prom: Spike Drink
Spinal (Geology)
Fracture of the spinel column usually results in paralysis.
Split (Europe: Balkans)
My Geography prof has gone crazy. He has a Split personality.
Spoiled (Jokes)
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.
Spoiler (Cars)
A mechanic who ruins things for people is a spoiler.
Spoken (USA)
I haven't Spokane to Mr. Washington for years.
Spot Check (One-Liners)
Putting a plaid suit on a leopard could be called a spot check.
Spots (Jokes)
How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
Spotted (Jokes)
Why does Waldo wear stripes? He doesn't want to be spotted.
Leopards are seldom seen, but usually spotted.
Spree (Europe: Germany)
After winning the lottery, the German geography prof went on a spending Spree.
Spring (Jokes)
What's a three-season bed? One without a spring.
Spring Field (USA)
Farmers grow springs in the Springfield.
Spring Garden (Halifax)
Haligonians grow their springs in a Spring Garden.
Spying (Anatomy)
That KGB agent has been spine on us.
Square Meals (Mathematics)
The other shapes are cannibals because they eat three square meals a day.
Squash (Food)
What a pumpkin becomes when it hits the ground: Squash.
St. Patrick's Day (One-Liners)
Baseball players celebrate St. Bat-Trick's Day.
Stable (Animals)
Darn kids. I had to take one to the hospital because he's somehow gotten 6 plastic horses stuck up his ass. Doctors described his condition as stable.
Two horses got divorced because they didn't have a stable relationship.
Stair (Tom Swifties)
"Boy, I wish the elevator were working," said a tired Tom, staring up to the top.
Stake (Food)
You'll never see a vampire eat this: Steak.
Stake Holders (One-Liners)
If Dr. Van Helsing were to incorporate Vampire Hunters Inc, who would be the stakeholders?
Stakes are High (Animals)
Would a combined marijuana and cattle farm be a high steaks enterprise?
Stalking (Clothing)
News headline: "Psychopath tailor stocking the streets! Who will he attack next?"
Stand by your Man (Book Titles)
Make your Marriage Work: Stan Byerman
Stand Off (Tom Swifties)
"Hey, you're standing on my foot!" said Tom standoffishly.
Stand Them [Tin's Latin name is Stannum] (Chemistry)
Puns on tin? I can't stannum!
Stand Up (Book Titles)
Life As A Comic: Stan Dupp
Stand Well Back (Book Titles)
Making Explosives: Stan Wellback
Stanford (Book Titles)
West Coast Universities: Stan Ford
Stanley Cup (Book Titles)
NHL Hockey: Stanley Kupp
Star of the Show (One-Liners)
The credits of the movie "Eclipse" give the Sun top billing, because it is the star of the show.
Stationary (Misc)
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Stealers (Football)
Members of this team have a reputation for kleptomania: Steelers
Stealing (Baseball)
Anywhere else but a ball park, stealing is a crime.
Steals (Toronto)
Shakespeare in Toronto: "He who Steeles my work steals trash."
Steer (Cars)
"Joe tried to take the turn too fast, lost control and rear-ended the cow!" "I guess that was a bum steer!"
Step (Physical)
Geographers like to dance the Two-Steppe.
Stereo Types (Tom Swifties)
"Well, monaural and quadriphonic systems are the exception," said Tom stereotypically.
Stereo-Typing (One-Liners)
People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren't idiots. That would be stereotyping.
Stern [nautical] (Tom Swifties)
"I'll be at the back of the boat," said Tom sternly.
Stethescope (Book Titles)
The Telltale Heart: Stefi Scope
Stevedore (Book Titles)
Working on the Docks: Steve Door
Stew (Names)
This man, alas, is really into pot: Stu.
Stew Pots (Book Titles)
Things to Cook Meat In: Stu Potts
Stick (Hockey)
An old-fashioned hockey player is a stick-in-the-mud.
You can trust a glue salesman. He tends to stick to his word. With what do hockey players glue things together? Their sticks.
Sticky (Tom Swifties)
"I spilt the syrup," said Tom stickily.
Stiff [dead person] (Two-Liners)
A small town had two funeral homes. Competition was stiff.
Morticians relax with a stiff drink.
Stiff [muscles] (Tom Swifties)
"I slept in a draft last night," said Tom stiffly.
Still and Shot [alcohol] (Jokes)
What does a photographer say to a twitchy moonshiner? "Hold still while I take this shot!"
Stilts [standing on] (Tom Swifties)
"Ah, now I can see through the window," said Tom stiltedly.
Sting King (Tom Swifties)
"Nobody is better at elaborate confidence games than I," said Tom stinkingly.
Stock (Money)
I must stop and take stock of the situation.
"Consult an investment broker," was Tom's stock answer.
Stocking (Christmas)
Even before November, the merchants begin Christmas stocking the shelves for the rush.
Stole (Clothing)
The ladies' garment that can't be obtained honestly is the stole.
Stone (Tom Swifties)
"This is an imitation diamond," said Tom stonily.
Stool Pigeon (Hot Cross Puns)
What do you get when you cross a dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
Stop any Time (Two-Liners)
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
Stout (Tom Swifties)
"I'm not fat!" denied Tom stoutly.
Stow Cast Stick??? (Tom Swifties)
"Oops, I think I might have a piece of coal in my shorts," said Tom stochastically. (Think about it. It's really funny!)
Stow Ick [???] (Tom Swifties)
"Place all your Tom Swifties here," said Tom stoically.
Straight Forward (Tom Swifties)
"My steering wheel won't turn," said Tom straightforwardly.
Strain (Tom Swifties)
"Can you hear me through this sieve?" was Tom's strained query.
Strained (Two-Liners)
How about the man who ran through a screen door? He strained himself.
Streaking (Two-Liners)
If you feel like running naked, spray yourself with Windex. It prevents streaking.
Stream (Physical)
Uttering a stream of curses, the raving Professor of Rivers was hauled off.
Stretch the Truth (Tom Swifties)
"I am not too fat for Spandex!" said Tom, stretching the truth.
Stride (Tom Swifties)
"Let's walk," said Tom stridently.
Strident (Jokes)
Which brand of gum is loud and annoying? S-trident.
Strike (Baseball)
Unhappy with their contract offer, the baseball players went on strike.
Strike Back [of a person] (Tom Swifties)
"I don't believe in the Heimlich manoeuvre," Tom struck back.
Strike King (Tom Swifties)
"I feel like attacking a monarch," said Tom strikingly.
Strikingly (Tom Swifties)
"I got to the bowling alley with time to spare!" said Tom strikingly.
Stuck (One-Liners)
I was trying to make a pun about escaping quicksand, but I'm stuck.
Stud (Tom Swifties)
"That Amazon queen wanted me for only one thing," said Tom studiously.
Stumped (Tom Swifties)
"I don't know who chopped down my tree," said Tom, stumped.
Stunning (Expressions)
I went out with a girl who had a Taser. She was stunning.
Sub [sandwich] Serve Ant (Tom Swifties)
"Would you like some chocolate-covered insects on your long bun?" asked the waiter subserviently.
Sub Bourboun (Redefinitions)
Suburban: A bourbon that doesn't quite reach the (Maker's) mark.
Sub Missive [letter - PS = post script] (Tom Swifties)
"What should I do about this P.S.?" asked Tom submissively.
Sub Verse (Tom Swifties)
"There's no hope we'll get any dope when the captain looks up the periscope," said Tom subversively.
Sublime (Redefinitions)
Sublime: An inferior citrus fruit.
Subordinate Clause (Jokes)
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
Succeed (Jokes)
What superlative did Robert E Lee win at high school? Most likely to secede.
Succinctly (Tom Swifties)
"My hosiery is at the bottom of the lake!" said Tom sock-sinkedly
Suck Sink (Tom Swifties)
"I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.
"Vacuum cleaners don't float!" said Tom succinctly.
Suck You Lent (One-Liners)
The vacuum cleaner you loaned me is like an aloe vera: a succulent.
Sudden (Africa)
All of a Sudan the dust storm struck.
Sue City (USA)
Where else to go to litigate but Sioux City?
Sue Is (Africa)
"I don't like Sue." "Yeah, Suez not a nice girl at all."
Sue Thing (Tom Swifties)
"Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers," said Tom soothingly.
Suffer (Chemistry)
Stoic chemists sulfur in silence.
Sufficient (One-Liners)
My supply of beach jokes is more than surficient to meet demand.
Sugar Cane (Book Titles)
Some Like it Sweet: Sugar Kane
Suicide (Tom Swifties)
"I think I'll end it all," Sue sighed.
Suit (Clothing)
Self-serve clothing store motto: "Suit yourself."
Suitor (One-Liners)
When a gentleman tailor woos a lady, he is called a suitor.
Summer (Tom Swifties)
"I decided to sing something more appropriate for August than Die Winterreise," Tom summarized.
Sunny Side (Toronto)
"The Sunnyside of the Street" has long been a favourite song.
Sup Pose (Tom Swifties)
"They'll want a picture of me at the dinner table," Tom supposed.
Super Fish (Tom Swifties)
"That's a very large shark," said Tom superficially.
Super Flue (Tom Swifties)
"Look at me, ma! I'm on top of the world -- well, chimney, anyway," said Tom superfluously.
Super Silly Ass (Tom Swifties)
"Boy, what a super silly ass!" said Tom superciliously.
Superficial (Two-Liners)
Somebody threw a bottle of Omega3 pills at me. Fortunately, the injury was only super fish oil.
Superior [Lake] (Tom Swifties)
"The value of my waterfront property would increase if the U.S. and Canadian governments could agree to de-pollute the lake," said Tom in a superior manor.
Sure Can (Two-Liners)
Can I make more bad Jungle Books jokes? I Shere Khan!
Sure He (Food)
Can he spit pits 20 feet? Cherry can!
Sure he can (Jokes)
Can David cause mischief with Japanese throwing knives? Shuriken.
Surely (Names)
You want fifty dollars for a joke book? Shirley you jest!
Surely You Jest (Book Titles)
You're Kidding!: Shirley U. Jest
Surge Protector (Book Titles)
Keeping Electronics Safe: Serge Protector
Surgeon (Book Titles)
"Smooth Operator": Sir John Cutter
Surgery (Misc)
If Dr Jury were knighted, would he be called Surgery?
Surgical Strike (Expressions)
If doctors were walking on a picket line, would it be called a surgical strike?
Surprise (Book Titles)
April Fool!: Sue Prize
Surreal (1) (Food)
His painting "Bran Flakes Box" could be described as cereal-ist.
Surreal (2) (Europe: United Kingdom)
A weird painting of the English countryside might be described as Surrey-al.
Surreptitiously (Tom Swifties)
"For the umpteenth time, pass the sauce for the pancakes!" said Tom syrupetitiously.
Suspended Animation (One-Liners)
The full-length cartoon "Cryo" wasn't cancelled, it was put in suspended animation.
Suspended Sentence (One-Liners)
A marionette was convicted of theft, but given a suspended sentence.
Suspension (Cars)
A mechanic's favourite bridge is a suspension bridge.
Would a no-no committed during a bridge tournament result in a bridge suspension, or a suspension (from) bridge?
Svengali (Book Titles)
It's Magic!: Sven Gali
Swabia (Europe: Germany)
German Q-Tips are made in Swabia.
Sweater (Clothing)
When the humidex tops 100F, everyone becomes a sweater.
Sweeping (Expressions)
Have you heard of the new broom craze? It's sweeping the nation!
"All brooms are useful!" said Tom, making a sweeping generalization.
Sweet [sugar] (Tom Swifties)
"One lump or two?" asked Mary sweetly.
Sweeten (Europe: Scandinavia)
Sugar is added to Sweden your coffee.
Swift [Jonathan, author] (Tom Swifties)
"Yes, I've read _Gulliver's Travels_," replied Tom swiftly.
Swift Current (Canada)
When a river is in flood, it has a Swift Current.
Swifty (Tom Swifties)
"I can be self-referential if I want to," said Tom swiftly.
Swing (Baseball)
It was when the late Benny Goodman picked up a bat that he became the King of Swing.
Sword (Tom Swifties)
"Jokes that bad are best handled with four feet of cold steel," said Tom sordidly.
Symphony (Book Titles)
Imitating Mozart: Sam Phony
A counterfeit sim can play music, since it's a symphony.
Syra Cues (USA)
Pool sharks have pool cues, actors have dialogue cues, and geographers have Syracuse.
Syria (Middle East)
Israeli government's policy: one Syria, two/too serious.
Syrup (Book Titles)
Cough Medicine: Sir Upp
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