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There was a certain very dry land, the people whereof were in sore need of water. And they did nothing but seek after water from morning until night, and many perished because they could not find it.
Howbeit, there were certain men in that land who were more crafty and diligent than the rest, and these had gathered stores of water where others could find none, and these men were called capitalists. And it came to pass that the people of the land came unto the capitalists and prayed them that they would give them of the water they had gathered that they might drink, for their need was sore. But the capitalists answered them and said:
"Go to, ye silly people! Why should we give you of the water we have gathered, for then should we become as ye are, and perish with you. But behold what we will do unto you. Be ye our servants, and ye shall have water."
And the people said, "Only give us to drink, and we will be your servants, we and our children." And it was so.
Wages and PricesNow, the capitalists were men of understanding, and wise in their generation. They ordered the people who were their servants in bands, with captains and officers, and some they put at the springs to dip, and others did they make to carry the water, and others did they cause to seek for new springs. And all the water was brought together in one place, and there did the capitalists make a great tank for to hold it, and the tank was called the Market, for it was there that the people, even the servants of the capitalists, came to get water. And the capitalists said unto the people:
"For every bucket of water that ye bring to us, that we may pour it into the tank, which is the Market, behold we will give you a penny; but for every bucket that we shall draw forth to give unto you that you may drink of it, ye and your wives and your children, ye shall give to us two pennies, and the difference shall be our profit, seeing that if it were not for this profit we would not do this thing for you, but ye should all perish."
And it was good in the people's eyes for they were dull of understanding, and they diligently brought water unto the tank for many days, and for every bucket which they did bring, the capitalists gave them every man a penny; but for every bucket that the capitalists drew forth from the tank to give again unto the people, behold, the people rendered to the capitalists two pennies.
And after many days the water-tank, which was the Market, overflowed at the top, seeing that for every bucket the people poured in they received only so much as would buy again half-a-bucket. And because of the excess that was left to every bucket, did the tank overflow, for the people were many, but the capitalists were few, and could drink no more than others. Therefore did the tank overflow.
And when the capitalists saw that the water overflowed, they said to the people "See ye not the tank, which is the Market, doth overflow? Sit ye down, therefore, and be patient, for ye shall bring us no more water till the tank be empty."
UnemploymentBut when the people no more received the pennies of the capitalists for the water they brought, they could buy no more water from the capitalists, having naught wherewith to buy. And when the capitalist saw that they had no more profit because no man bought water of them, they were troubled. And they sent forth men into the highways, the byways, and the hedges, crying, "If any thirst let him come to the tank and buy water of us, for it doth overflow." For they said among themselves, "Behold, the times are dull; we must advertise."
But the people answered, saying, "How can we buy unless ye hire us, for how else shall we have wherewithal to buy? Hire ye us, therefore, as before, and we will gladly buy water, for we thirst, and ye will have no need to advertise." But the capitalists said to the people: "Shall we hire you to bring water when the tank, which is the Market, doth already overflow? Buy ye, therefore, first water, and when the tank is empty through your buying, we will hire you again."
And so it was because the capitalists hired them no more to bring water that the people could not buy the water they had brought already, and because the people could not buy the water they had brought already, the capitalists no more hired them to bring water.
And the saying went abroad, "It is a crisis."
And the thirst of the people was great, for it was not now as it had been in the days of their fathers, when the land was open before them for everyone to seek water for himself, seeing that the capitalists had taken all the springs, and the wells, and the water-wheels, and the vessels, and the buckets, so that no man might come by water save from the tank, which was the Market. And the people murmured against the capitalists and said: "Behold, the tank runneth over, and we die of thirst. Give us therefore of the water, that we perish not."
But the capitalists answered, "Not so. The water is ours. Ye shall not drink thereof unless ye buy it of us with pennies." And they confirmed it with an oath, saying, after their manner, "Business is business."
But the capitalists were disquieted that the people bought no more water, whereby they had no more profits, and they spake to one another saying, "It seemeth that our profits have stopped our profits, and by reason of the profits we have made we can make no more profits. How is it that our profits are become unprofitable to us, and our gains do make us poor? Let us therefore send for the soothsayers, that they may interpret this thing unto us." And they sent for them.
Now the soothsayers were men learned in dark sayings, who joined themselves to the capitalists by reason of the water of the capitalists, that they might have thereof and live, they and their children. And they spake for the capitalists unto the people, and did their embassies for them, seeing that the capitalists were not a folk quick of understanding, neither ready of speech.
And the capitalists demanded of the soothsayers that they should interpret this thing unto them, wherefore it was that the people bought no more water of them, although the tank was full. And certain of the soothsayers answered and said, "It is by reason of overproduction." And some said, "It is glut." But the signification of the two words is the same. And others said, "Nay, but this thing is by reason of of the spots on the sun." And yet others answered, saying, "It is neither by reason of glut, nor yet of spots on the sun, that the evil hath come to pass, but because of lack of confidence."
TranquilityAnd while the soothsayers contended among themselves according to their manner, the men of profit did slumber and sleep, and when they awoke they said to the soothsayers, "It is enough. Ye have spoken comfortably unto us. Now go forth and speak comfortably unto the people, so that they be at rest and leave us also in peace."
But the soothsayers, even the men of the dismal science - for so they were named by some - were loath to go forth to the people lest they should be stoned, for the people loved them not. And they said to the capitalists:
"Masters, it is a mystery of our craft that if men be full and thirst not, but be at rest, then shall they find comfort in our speech, even as ye. Yet if they thirst and be empty, find they no comfort therein, but rather mock at us, for it seemeth that unless a man be full, our wisdom appeareth unto him but emptiness."
But the capitalists said, "Go ye forth. Are ye not our men to do our embassies?"
Starvation because of AbundanceAnd the soothsayers went forth to the people and expounded to them the mystery of over production, and how it was that they needs must perish of thirst because there was overmuch water, and how there could not be enough because there was too much. And likewise spoke they unto the people concerning the sun-spots, and also wherefore it was that these things had come upon them them by reason of lack of confidence. And it was even as the soothsayers had said, for to the people their wisdom seemed emptiness. And the people reviled them saying, "Go up, ye bald-heads! Will ye mock us? Doth plenty breed famine? Doth nothing come out of much?" And they took up stones to stone them.
And when the capitalists saw that the people still murmured, and would not give ear to the soothsayers, and because also they feared lest they should come upon the tank and take of the water by force, they brought forth to them certain holy men (but they were false priests), who spake unto the people that they should be quiet and trouble not the capitalists because they thirsted. And these holy men, who were false priests, testified to the people that this affliction was sent to them of God for the healing of their souls, and if they should bear it in patience and lust not after the water, neither trouble the capitalists, it would come to pass that after they had given up the ghost they would come to a country where there should be no capitalists, but an abundance of water. Howbeit, there were certain true prophets of God also, and would not prophesy for the capitalists, but rather spake constantly against them.
CharityNow, when the capitalists saw that the people still murmured and would not be still, neither for the words of the soothsayers nor of the false priests, they came forth themselves unto them, and put the ends of their fingers in the water that overflowed in the tank and wet the tips thereof, and they scattered the drops from the tips of their fingers abroad upon the people who thronged the tank, and the name of the drops of water was charity, and they were exceeding bitter.
The ForcesAnd when the capitalists saw yet again that neither for the words of the soothsayers, nor of the holy men who were false priests, nor yet for the drops that were called charity, would the people be still, but raged the more, and crowded upon the tank as if they would take it by force, then they took council together and sent men privily forth among the people and all who had skill in war, and took them apart and spake craftily with them saying:
"Come, now, why cast ye not your lot in with the capitalists? If ye will be their men and serve them against the people, that they break not in upon the tank, then shall ye have abundance of water, that ye perish not, ye and your children."
And the mighty men and they who were skilled in war hearkened unto this speech, and suffered themselves to be persuaded, for their thirst constrained them, and they went within unto the capitalists, and became their men, and staves and swords were put into their hands, and they became a defense unto the capitalists, and smote the people when they thronged upon the tank.
Luxury and WasteAnd after many days the water was low in the tank, for the capitalists did make fountains and fishponds of the water thereof, and did bathe therein, they and their wives and their children, and did waste the water for their pleasure.
And when the capitalists saw that the tank was empty, they said, "The crisis is ended": and they sent forth and hired the people that they should bring water and fill it again. And for the water that the people brought to the tank they received for every bucket a penny, but for the water which the capitalists drew forth from the tank to give again to the people they received two pennies, that they might have their profit. And after a time did the tank again overflow even as before.
The AgitatorsAnd now, when many times the people had filled the tank until it overflowed, and had thirsted till the water therein had been wasted by the capitalists, it came to pass that there arose in the land certain men who were called agitators for that they did stir up the people. And they spake unto the people, saying that they should associate, and then they would have no need to be servants of the capitalists, and should thirst no more for water. And in the eyes of the capitalists were the agitators pestilent fellows, and they would fain have crucified them, but durst not for fear of the people.
Their MessageAnd the words of the agitators which they spake to the people were on this wise:
"Ye foolish people, how long will ye deceived by a lie, and believe to your hurt that which is not? For behold, all these things which have been said unto you, by the capitalists and the soothsayers are cunningly devised fables. And likewise the holy men, who say that it is the will of God that you should always be poor and miserable and athirst, behold, they do blaspheme God and are liars, whom He will bitterly judge, though He forgive all others. How cometh it that ye may not come by the water in the tank? Is it not because you have no money? And why have ye no money? Is it not because ye receive but one penny for every bucket that ye bring to the tank, which is the Market, but must render two pennies for every bucket ye take out, so that the capitalists may have their profit? See ye not how by this means the tank must overflow, being filled by that ye lack and made to abound out of your emptiness? See ye not also that the harder ye toil and the more diligently ye seek and bring the water, the worse and not the better it shall be for you by reason of the profit, and that forever?"
The Evil RecognizedAfter this manner spake the agitators for many days unto the people and none heeded them, but it was so that after a time the people hearkened. And they answered and said unto the agitators:
"Ye say truth. It is because of the capitalists and of their profits we may by no means come by the fruits of our labour, so that our labour is in vain, and the more we toil to fill the tank the sooner doth it overflow, and we may receive nothing because there is too much, according to the words of the soothsayers. But behold the capitalists are hard men, and their tender mercies are cruel. Tell us if ye know any way whereby we may deliver ourselves out of our bondage unto them. But if you know of no certain way of deliverance, we beseech you to hold your peace, and let us alone, that we may forget our misery."
And the agitators answered and said "We know a way."
And the people said: "Deceive us not, for this thing hath been from the beginning, and none hath found a way of deliverance till now, though many have sought it carefully with tears. But if ye know a way, speak unto us quickly."
The RemedyThen the agitators spake unto the people of the way. And they said:
"Behold, what need have ye at all of these capitalists, that you should yield them profits upon your labor? What great things do they wherefore ye render them this tribute? Lo! it is only because they do order you in bands and lead you out and in and set you tasks, and afterwards give you a little of the water yourselves have brought and not they. Now, behold the way out of this bondage! Do ye for yourselves that which is done by the capitalists - namely, the ordering of your labor and the marshaling of your bands, and the dividing of your tasks. So shall ye have no need at all of the capitalists, and no more yield them any profit, but all the fruit of your labor shall ye share as brethren, everyone having the same; and so shall the tank never overflow until every man is full, and would not wag the tongue for more, and afterwards shall ye with the overflow make pleasant fountains and fishponds to delight yourselves withal, even as did the capitalists: but these shall be for the delight of all."
How to Apply ItAnd the people answered: "How shall we go about to do this thing, for it seemeth good to us?" And the agitators answered:
"Choose ye discreet men to go in and out before you and marshal your bands and order your labor, and these men shall be as capitalists were; but behold they shall not be your masters as the capitalists are, but your brethren and officers who will do your will, and they shall not take any profits, but every man his share like the others, and there may be no more masters and servants among you, but brethren only. And from time to time, as ye see fit, ye shall choose other discreet men in place of the first to order the labour."
And the people hearkened, and said the thing was very good to them. Likewise it seemed not a hard thing. And with one voice they cried out, "So let it be as ye have said, for we will do it!"
"The End of All Things"And the capitalists heard the noise of shouting, and what the people said, and the soothsayers heard it also, and likewise the false priests and the mighty men of war, who were a defense unto the capitalists; and when they heard they trembled exceedingly, so that their knees smote together, and they said one to another, "It is the end of us!"
Howbeit, there were certain true priests of the living God who would not prophesy for the capitalists, but had compassion on the people; and when they heard the shouting of the people and what they said, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy, and gave thanks to God because of the deliverance.
And the people went and did all the things that were told them of the agitators to do. And it came to pass as the agitators had said, even according to all their words. And there was no more any thirst in that land, neither any that was a-hungered, not naked, nor cold, nor in any manner of want; and every man said unto his fellow, "My brother," and every woman said unto her companion, "My sister," for so were they with one another as brethren and sisters which do dwell together in unity. And the blessing of God rested upon that land for ever.
Return to the Edward Bellamy library , or . . . Read the next short story; To Whom This May Come


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Brown velvet jacket, F.A.N.G. Green tee, Forever 21. Hot pink tank, Banana Republic (thrifted). Printed skirt, George. Brown tights. Brown boots, Nine West. Gold clustered drops earrings, thrifted.
By now, you've learned that I have almost NO self control when it comes to color. I love bright shades and I'm an unrepentant matcher. So, you can imagine the sorts of tics and tremors a skirt like this induces in my creative center. It's got fuchsia, coral, yellow, green, and khaki! I want to accessorize it with every single one of these colors and all at once. So far, I've created a number of eye-bleeding outfits with this skirt. When I paired it with lime green and hot pink, one commentor speculated that I might have been dressing drunk. How have you liked it best so far?
Click to enlarge

subset: commoncrawl


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Cedar Rapids Roofing Contractor
Is your roof looking a bit worse for wear? Do you have leaks in your roof? Our company is here to provide the highest quality roofing replacement services on the market. You need a roof that protects your home and gives you years of service without worry. We'll work with you to design a roof that will offer you lower upfront costs, a long lifespan, and match the style and color scheme of your home. Our team is dedicated to providing excellence with every project we take on. We're licensed, bonded, and insured to guarantee that you're getting nothing less than the best in quality service.


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This blog was originally published under the Creative Commons license on opensource.com on July 7, 2017. The original version is available here.
Depending upon the event you use to start the clock, cloud computing is only a little more than 10 years old. Some terms and concepts around cloud computing that we take for granted today are newer still. The National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) document that defined now-familiar cloud terminology—such as Infrastructure-as-a-Service (IaaS)—was only published in 2011, although it widely circulated in draft form for a while before that.
Among other definitions in that document was one for hybrid cloud. Looking at how that term has shifted during the intervening years is instructive. Cloud-based infrastructures have moved beyond a relatively simplistic taxonomy. Also, it highlights how priorities familiar to adopters of open source software—such as flexibility, portability, and choice—have made their way to the hybrid cloud.
NIST's original hybrid cloud definition was primarily focused on cloud bursting, the idea that you might use on-premise infrastructure to handle a base computing load, but that you could "burst" out to a public cloud if your usage spiked. Closely related were efforts to provide API compatibility between private clouds and public cloud providers and even to create spot markets to purchase capacity wherever it was cheapest.
Implicit in all this was the idea of the cloud as a sort of standardized compute utility with clear analogs to the electrical grid, a concept probably most popularized by author Nick Carr in his book The Big Switch. It made for a good story but, even early on, the limitations of the analogy became evident. Computing isn't a commodity in the manner of electricity. One need look no further than the proliferation of new features by all of the major public cloud providers—as well as in open source cloud software such as OpenStack®—to see that many users aren't simply looking for generic computing cycles at the lowest price.
The cloud bursting idea also largely ignored the reality that computing is usually associated with data and you can't just move large quantities of data around instantaneously without incurring big bandwidth bills and having to worry about the length of time those transfers take. Dave McCrory coined the term data gravity to describe this limitation.
Given this rather negative picture I've painted, why are we talking about hybrid clouds so much today?
As I've discussed, hybrid clouds were initially thought of mostly in the context of cloud bursting. And cloud bursting perhaps most emphasized rapid, even real-time, shifts of workloads from one cloud to another; however, hybrid clouds also implied application and data portability. Indeed, as I wrote in a CNET post back in 2011: "I think we do ourselves a disservice by obsessing too much with 'automagical' workload shifting—when what we really care about is the ability to just move from one place to another if a vendor isn't meeting our requirements or is trying to lock us in."
Since then, thinking about portability across clouds has evolved even further.
Linux® always has been a key component of cloud portability because it can run on everything from bare-metal to on-premise virtualized infrastructures, and from private clouds to public clouds. Linux provides a well-established, reliable platform with a stable API contract against which applications can be written.
The widespread adoption of containers has further enhanced the ability of Linux to provide application portability across clouds. By providing an image that also contains an application's dependencies, a container provides portability and consistency as applications move from development, to testing, and finally to production.
Linux containers can be applied in many different ways to problems where ultimate portability, configurability, and isolation are needed. This is true whether running on-premise, in a public cloud, or a hybrid of the two.
Container tools use an image-based deployment model. This makes sharing an application or set of services with all of their dependencies across multiple environments easy.
Specifications developed under the auspices of the Open Container Initiative (OCI) work together to define the contents of a container image and those dependencies, environments, arguments, and so forth necessary for the image to be run properly. As a result of these standardization efforts, the OCI has opened the door for many other tooling efforts that can now depend on stable runtime and image specs.
At the same time, distributed storage can provide data portability across clouds using open source technologies such as Gluster and Ceph. Physical constraints will always impose limits on how quickly and easily data can be moved from one location to another; however, as organizations deploy and use different types of infrastructure, they increasingly desire open, software-defined storage platforms that scales across physical, virtual, and cloud resources.
This is especially the case as data storage requirements grow rapidly, because of trends in predictive analytics, internet-of-things, and real-time monitoring. In one 2016 study1, 98% of IT decision makers said a more agile storage solution could benefit their organization. In the same study, they listed inadequate storage infrastructure as one of the greatest frustrations that their organizations experience.
And it's really this idea of providing appropriate portability and consistency across a heterogeneous set of computing capabilities and resources that embodies what hybrid cloud has become. Hybrid cloud is not so much about using a private cloud and a public cloud in concert for the same applications. It's about using a set of services of many types, some of which are probably built and operated by your IT department, and some of which are probably sourced externally.
They'll probably be a mix of Software-as-a-Service applications, such as email and customer relationship management. Container platforms, orchestrated by open source software such as Kubernetes, are increasingly popular for developing new applications. Your organization likely is using one of the big public cloud providers for something. And you're almost certain to be operating some of your own infrastructure, whether it's a private cloud or more traditional on-premise infrastructure.
This is the face of today's hybrid cloud, which really can be summed up as choice—choice to select the most appropriate types of infrastructure and services, and choice to move applications and data from one location to another when you want to.
The OpenStack® Word Mark and OpenStack Logo are either registered trademarks / service marks or trademarks / service marks of the OpenStack Foundation, in the United States and other countries and are used with the OpenStack Foundation's permission. We are not affiliated with, endorsed or sponsored by the OpenStack Foundation or the OpenStack community.
1. Source: Vanson Bourne Ltd: Storage: limitations, frustrations, and coping with future needs, Red Hat Storage Research results, Aug. 2016
Gordon Haff is a technology evangelist and has been at Red Hat for more than 10 years. Prior to Red Hat, as an IT industry analyst, Gordon wrote hundreds of research notes, was frequently quoted in publications such as The New York Times on a wide range of IT topics, and advised clients on product and marketing strategies.
我们是世界领先的企业开源解决方案供应商,提供包括 Linux、云、容器和 Kubernetes。我们致力于提供经过安全强化的解决方案,从核心数据中心到网络边缘,让企业能够更轻松地跨平台和环境运营。


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This painting by Ivan Kliun, "Ozone Fan", dates from 1914. Ozone, an invisible, unstable gas, was once considered a cleanser and purifier. At current (and rising) ambient levels in the tropospheric atmosphere, we now know it is toxic to all forms of life.
Often it grieves me to contemplate the ecocide we are fast precipitating. I suppose like most people, I like to think that humans are exceptional, just because every now and then we produce a Shakespeare or a Mozart - conveniently forgetting that most of our species are ignoble slobs and thieves...or too often far, far worse. Flaubert was quite close to the truth when he said that "the three finest things God ever made" were Hamlet, Don Giovanni, and the sea.When I was in California to visit youngest daughter, she took me to the Monterey Aquarium, where I saw Sea Dragons for the first time. I was crushed that my camera ran out of battery charge just before we came upon their tank, because they were the most incredible creatures I can imagine, a miracle of evolutionary specialization. I wished I could have filmed their silent and sedate flutterings as they made their tiny majestic promenade through the leaves they mimic so exactly, to watch it over and over.
Think how many generations it took for this intricate level of unique complexity to develop, and the intensely harmonious relationship that exists between this remarkable creature and others in its habitat. That delicate balance is why, after a mass extinction event such as that upon which we are embarking, it takes at least tens of millions of years for Earth to recover and regain the present rich biodiversity we have enjoyed since we first set about destroying it.
Terribly sad...and yet, for our purposes, the universe is infinite, and so is time. And so should we be sad, that this particular epoch is drawing to a close, as species plummet through habitat destruction and pollution...or merely because we are eating them out of existence, or hunting them for stupid reasons like grinding their horns into mythical sex-enhancing powders? Or is it just as much part of the cycle, replayed perhaps countless times, in other galaxies and eras, the cycle of birth and loss, decay and regeneration.
So once I get around to the nitty gritty of this blog's purpose - tropospheric ozone killing trees - I will be sprinkling photos of the splendid Sea Dragon into the latest scientific evidence. The tragic death of coral reefs where the endangered Sea Dragons live, from acidification and warming, is almost a perfect parallel to the trees dying from ozone, imperiling all the other forms of life that depend upon them, including us. For stalwarts who slog through to the end, I've embedded a wondrous video of the exquisite Leafy Sea Dragon, which is found only in Australia.
But first! It's important to have fun, so here is the invitation I made for first daughter's annual Halloween Hayride:
Mobs of people descended for food, as they do every year - but before they did, I took pictures of the tranquil feast:
Best new recipe was a roasted bruschetta, which consisted of caramelized onions, shallots and garlic, with tomatoes, red pepper, zucchini, handfuls of thyme and rosemary. After it cooled, we added minced fresh basil, and served it on toasted rounds of bread brushed with garlicky olive oil.
Of course there was the usual filet with horseradish sauce, grilled scallops, and shrimp stuffed with goat cheese, wrapped in prosciutto...and figs filled with gorgonzola dolce topped with candied pecans.
The house was filled with ghoulish floral arrangements in a lime green and lurid purply mix.
Hoards of trick-or-treaters arrived, despite the adverse road conditions, due to the insane weather. As usual the newscorpse blamed power outages on extreme precipitation weighing down the leaves...without mentioning this is predicted by climate change science, as shown by this NOAA chart:
However, even climate change can't explain why this culprit tree in question toppled across the power lines, smashing into the roof of this historic home, even though it had no leaves remaining!
However, even climate change can't explain why this culprit tree in question toppled across the power lines, smashing into the roof of this historic home, even though it had no leaves remaining!
Splat! Despite the storm, it's freakishly warm - a delphinium blooms under a snowy blanket, and Canadian geese no longer fly from north to south in strict V formations, instead they swirl in anxious confusion, disorganized clusters of them going back and forth, honking raucously.
The many leafless branches and trees that fell, as well as pine trees that should be able to stand up to snow all winter, are not explained by an October blizzard. People appear to be outraged that they still do not have power, and roads are still blocked. It's too much for public works to keep up with...and it's going to get worse until the last tree has been removed.
"More than half of tree species in eastern U.S. forests aren't adapting to climate change as quickly or consistently as predicted, researchers said.
Nearly 59 percent of the species examined in a study by Duke University researchers showed signs that their geographic ranges are contracting from both the north and south, a Duke release said Monday.
'Many models have suggested that trees will migrate rapidly to higher latitudes and elevations in response to warming temperatures, but evidence for a consistent, climate-driven northward migration is essentially absent in this large analysis,' James S. Clark, a professor of environment, said.
Fewer species -- only about 21 percent -- appeared to be shifting northward than predicted, the researchers said.
'Warm zones have shifted northward by up to 100 kilometers (62 miles) in some parts of the eastern United States, but our results do not inspire confidence that tree populations are tracking those changes,' Clark said.
The concept of climate-driven migration assumes that as temperatures warm, the southern edge of some tree species' ranges would recede as adult trees die and seeds they leave can no longer sprout.
At the same time, the species could spread to higher latitudes as seedlings dispersed on their northern boundaries are able to take root in newly favorable climates.
The Duke study's findings show 'a lack of evidence for climate-mediated migration, and should increase concern for the risks posed by climate change,' Clark said."
Another version adds this: "About 16 percent seemed to be advancing southward, and around 4 percent appeared to be expanding in both directions.
The scientists analysed data on 92 species in more than 43,000 forest plots in 31 states.
The study found no consistent evidence that population spread is greatest in areas where climate has changed the most; nor do the species' response patterns appear to be related to seed size or dispersal characteristics."
You might think that this arboreal refutation would inspire Dr. Clark to reconsider the role of ozone in forest decline, since apparently, climate change isn't explaining what is actually happening with the trees! I wrote him last April about an earlier study, and this was his reply, as I reported in the spring:
"Gail, thanks for the note, a few thoughts.
Ozone is a problem for plants, hard to study for large trees. For crops, it's increasingly evident that rising CO2 can mitigate effects of rising ozone (or if you prefer, ozone offsets the stimulation that would have occurred with rising CO2). [This is wishful thinking, it is only true for low levels of ozone.] For large trees, it's difficult to obtain more than leaf to branch level responses. For juvenile trees the evidence for a CO2 stimulation of growth is mixed--when experimentally increased as in FACE experiments, the initial stimulation of growth is not maintained, but it's hard to manipulate ozone at that scale (whole trees competing for light in closed forests). Nonetheless, all evidence is that ozone is bad for all plants and certainly contributes to the health of trees in our study.
In any study of mortality, there are risk factors that cannot be experimentally manipulated, so they become the background factors. Ozone levels have been high in our region throughout the duration of this study, and mortality rates could be higher throughout for that reason alone. What we studied are the factors that varied against this background, and they show the differing impacts of temperature, drought, and competition for light on different species. Ozone is not included in the study, because we could not experimentally manipulate it or design the experiment to benefit from a broad range of ozone levels. That does not mean it is unimportant.
So basically, it is what it is. They study what is happening to trees with the level of ozone in the background as a given, because they can't make it go away. It's not unimportant, but it's not important enough to design a study to see if air pollution is the reason tree range is "contracting from both the north and south" - in other words, they are in total dieback!! Even our own Forest Service has more than that to say about ozone affecting trees, on their webpage:
Physiological Effects
Ozone enters a leaf cell through openings, called stomates, that allow for gas exchange. Once inside the leaf the ozone can result in damage to the mesophyll cells in the center of the leaf. The mesophyll cells contain the chloroplasts where photosynthesis occurs. Available research does not clearly show what happens once the ozone contacts the mesophyll. The phytotoxic effects could be a result of:
- Direct contact of the ozone with the mesophyll.
- The chemical product of ozone's reaction with other gases within the leaf's air space.
- The chemical product of ozone's reaction with the cell membrane.
- Most likely, it is a combination of all three listed previously.
Effect on Forest Trees
Ozone effects on forest vegetation are most pronounced when soil moisture and nutrients are adequate, and ozone concentrations are high. Under good soil moisture and nutrient conditions the stomates are likely to be open and the ozone will enter into the leaf and can damage the cells that produce the food for the plants through photosynthesis. Reductions in the photosynthesis will decrease the amount of carbohydrates produced and stored in the roots. Continual reduction in the annual production of carbohydrates has the potential to decrease the amount of root growth, tree height, and crown width. Individual trees with reductions in these three areas could be less competitive then neighboring trees for sunlight and nutrients, or the chronic stress could weaken the trees and make them more susceptible to insect attacks.
Effective Dose
Scientists have determined the ozone parameters that explain most of the vegetation response are:
- Where a greater weight is placed on the higher ozone concentrations,
- Are cumulative throughout the growing season, and
- Take into account when the ozone enters the leaf through the stomata.
The amount of ozone measured with an ozone monitor is the concentration in the atmosphere. However, the amount of ozone that enters the leaf, called dose, depends on whether the stomates are open and other atmospheric conditions. The effective dose is the amount of ozone that enters the leaf during the growing season and has an impact to physiological process or causes cell death. The stomates are most likely to be open when there is adequate soil moisture and nutrients, and during sunny conditions. However, the stomates can be open during the nighttime hours, but the amount of ozone dose could be less than during the day. The impact of ozone entering the leaf will depend upon if the plant is able to neutralize the ozone before causing injury. It is possible the detoxification mechanism are most effective during the daytime when the greatest uptake (dose) occurs, however ozone entering the leaf at night could cause impacts because the defense mechanisms are not operating or are less efficient.
Research has developed means to estimate the dose of ozone entering the leaf, but the meteorological conditions across the area of concern along with the ozone concentrations need to be known to calculate the dose. Typically, the USDA Forest Service does not have adequate meteorological data to combine with the ozone monitoring data. Estimating the dose of ozone is not practical for National Forests or wildernesses at this time. Furthermore, it will be necessary for further research to be conducted in order to estimate the effective dose to account for the defense mechanisms to ozone for forest vegetation. Once adequate research has been conducted on effective dose then it will be necessary to translate the results to present what ozone concentrations or exposures caused injury or damage. This is likely to be necessary since the regulatory agencies show attainment of air pollution standards using data collected from ozone monitors.
Ozone Symptoms
Certain plant species have been used as "bioindicators" that ozone is causing phytotoxic impacts. One symptom used is the presence of a stippling (reddening or black) confined to the upper leaf surface between the veins. The presence of ozone symptoms indicates the plant had a physiological response to the ozone exposure. Symptoms are not an accurate indicator of how much growth loss has occurred to a sensitive plant from an ozone exposure. An adequate amount of soil moisture and nutrients at a specific site (microsite) appears to be one factor in determining if ozone will cause visible symptoms. Vegetation's sensitivity to ozone varies -- not only between species, but also within a species. For example, there may be two black cherry trees growing next to one another, and one will have severe ozone symptoms while the adjacent black cherry has no visible symptoms. Also, there is no relationship between the amount of ozone a plant is exposed to and the amount and severity of ozone symptoms.
How We Use Exposure Indices
Some air resource specialists rely upon measurements taken with ozone monitoring equipment at a site of interest, along with soil moisture estimates, to predict if a biomass (roots, shoots, and/or stem) reduction has occurred. Ozone monitors can provide over 4000 ozone readings from April through October. Researchers and technical specialists have examined ways to summarize and use this extensive information. The Ozone Calculator is one tool that has been developed to estimate if ozone exposures recorded at a monitoring site could cause a biomass reduction to the vegetation where fumigation studies have been conducted. The USDA Forest Service has compiled hourly average data which is compatible with the Ozone Calculator. Furthermore, a web-based spatial database has been developed which shows the location of the ozone monitoring sites where ozone data are available.
Everyone is all worked up because there are reports that important supplies of peanuts, coffee, wine and chocolate, cherries, maple syrup, almonds, apples and pistachios are threatened with reduced yield and quality because of climate change. See their chart of zone shifts:Note, they haven't shifted so much yet that the northern range of plants should already be impacted! So, why don't these articles ever mention the threat from ozone, which is well established - as we shall see. Always, more research must be done to determine the dose and results of ozone exposure to trees...Fine! Let's look at annual agricultural crops, instead. Here is an abstract from research published in 2009:
"Elevated concentrations of ground-level ozone (O3) are frequently measured over farmland regions in
many parts of the world. While numerous experimental studies show that O3 can significantly decrease
crop productivity, independent verifications of yield losses at current ambient O3 concentrations in rural
locations are sparse. In this study, soybean crop yield data during a 5-year period over the Midwest of the United States were combined with ground and satellite O3 measurements to provide evidence that yield losses on the order of 10% could be estimated through the use of a multiple linear regression model.
Yield loss trends based on both conventional ground-based instrumentation and satellite-derived tropospheric O3 measurements were statistically significant and were consistent with results obtained from open-top chamber experiments and an open-air experimental facility (SoyFACE, Soybean Free Air Concentration Enrichment) in central Illinois. Our analysis suggests that such losses are a relatively new phenomenon due to the increase in background tropospheric O3 levels over recent decades. Extrapolation of these findings supports previous studies that estimate the global economic loss to the farming community of more than $10 billion annually."
The first paragraphs (minus citations) read:
"The impact of elevated ozone (O3) concentrations on vegetation has been well documented in both chamber studies and at field sites where concentrations can be experimentally controlled. The onset of injury in a number of O3-sensitive plants has been observed with seasonal daytime average concentrations as low as 40 ppbv (parts per billion, by volume), and concentrations above this level are commonplace during the growing season in many food-producing regions of the world. Nationally, the seasonal 8-h average O3 concentration ranges from 50 to 55 ppbv during the summer, although diurnal and day-to-day concentrations vary widely.
Ozone monitoring stations, however, are predominately located in urban areas and are sparse in most rural locations worldwide, making estimates of potential O3 impacts on crop production less certain. Furthermore, recent analyses of O3 measurements entering the U.S. from East Asia source regions show an increase of 0.46 ppbv yr since 1984, implying that background O3 concentrations may continue to rise despite the enactment of pollution control measures in the U.S. The Cooper et al. (2010) findings likewise support the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) projection that O3 concentrations will increase by 25% over the next 30-50 years,
exacerbating the negative impacts of O3 on yield and biomass production.
...The future use of a satellite that is designed to study tropospheric composition explicitly should provide exciting possibilities for both the air quality and agricultural communities in the forthcoming decades when the impact of air pollution on crop productivity is likely to result in significantly greater detrimental consequences as background concentrations continue to increase."
An earlier paper from 2007 by the same author, Booker, "Ambient Ozone Impacts on Specialty Crops" has these observations:
"While peak ozone concentrations in the U.S. may be lower on average recently, chronic exposure in the range that can affect plants interspersed with episodes of higher concentrations continue to occur.
In fact, intermediate concentrations of ambient ozone may have the largest impact on crop yields.
Ozone uptake is highest during mid-day and early afternoon when high rates of leaf gas-exchange coincide with rising ozone concentrations. There appears to be a tipping point around seasonal average ozone concentrations of 50 ppb or greater that results in yield suppression in ozone-sensitive crops.
Most ozone studies, however, have been single factor or two-way interaction experiments. The effects of ambient ozone in combination with two or more other environmental factors have been little explored. But, it has been shown in rice that the magnitude of the ozone and elevated carbon dioxide responses and interactions can be influenced by high temperature episodes, nutritional status and intra-plant competition (Reid and Fiscus, 2008). Such experiments are complicated and expensive to conduct. However, plant responses to ozone are highly influenced by site conditions, and comprehensive assessment of their relative influences needs attention."
"One way to obtain insight about the effects of ambient ozone on plants is to compare the growth and productivity of plant cultivars and clones that are known to differ from each other in response to ozone as detected by ozone injury symptom expression and/or changes in biomass and yield. This has been done with clonal clover and selected bean lines.
In experiments utilizing ambient air exposures in New York, North Carolina, and California, ambient ozone concentrations were sufficient to cause respectively a 25%, 39% and >50% biomass reduction in sensitive versus tolerant clones of white clover.
While ozone is a normal component of the troposphere, background levels of ozone have been increasing for more than 100 years. They have doubled since pre-industrial times, and are continuing to increase, with average annual concentrations ranging from 20 to 45 ppb. Despite national air quality regulations aimed at controlling ground level ozone pollution, it continues to be a major concern for crop production and forest health.
Moreover, every region of the U.S. except for the Pacific Northwest and much of the Great Plains experiences phytotoxic ambient ozone concentrations periodically during the growing season. East Asian countries, India, Pakistan, many countries around the Mediterranean, parts of Mexico and Brazil are currently experiencing reductions in crop production due to ambient ozone.
Climate model projections forecast that the largest rice and peanut producing regions in the world, located mainly in China, Japan, India, central Africa, the southern U.S., and Indonesia, may experience significantly higher levels of tropospheric ozone in the coming 50 years."
"There are at least 12 major crop species within the U.S. that are considered ozone-sensitive, many of which are classified as specialty crops.
These include alfalfa, barley, bean, clover and other forages, grape, oat, peanut, potato, rice, tomato and watermelon....
In addition, a commercial sugarcane clone in California may be ozone-sensitive (D. Grantz, personal communication). Ornamental plants such as petunia and buddleia, fruit bushes (blueberry), and landscape shrubs can also be damaged by ambient ozone ...
Ozone-sensitive plants frequently exhibit visible foliar injury, and chronic ozone exposures can reduce yields and biomass. Nutritional quality also declines in some crops and forages. Agronomic crop yield loss due to ambient ozone in the U.S. is estimated to range from 5 to 15%...
An international cooperative programme indicates the widespread occurrence of ozone injury on crops.
A full assessment of ambient ozone impacts on crop performance is likely to be complex. In addition, growers may not perceive the yield losses due to ozone because there is no clean-air reference for comparison. Also, environmental conditions influence ambient ozone effects and inter-annual variability in weather conditions complicates the picture. It is impossible to assess yield loss in the field or to positively diagnose ozone symptoms without comparisons at a range of ozone concentrations. This can be accomplished through studies using a variety of approaches.
These include outdoor controlled-environment chambers, open-top field chambers, free-air exposure systems, open air experiments with sensitive/tolerant cultivars, ozone-protectants, and multivariate modeling of plant responses to ambient ozone using multiple study locations and similar experimental protocols. These protocols can be used in various combinations, augmented by modern molecular biology techniques such as quantitative trait loci (QTL) analyses with available recombinant inbred lines (e.g., rice, peanut and tomato), to screen crops for ozone sensitivity.
Studies are needed to: a) define crop responses to ozone under a range of controlled environmental conditions; b) identify molecular markers for ozone sensitivity; c) assess plant responses to ambient ozone in natural settings; and, d) construct predictive models of crop performance in a changing climate. These are costly studies to conduct and have not been performed for currently relevant cultivars. In general, it is important to remember that elevated ozone is toxic to all living things. Our current understanding of crop responses to ozone indicates that measurable yield losses due to ozone toxicity are likely occurring in many regions of the U.S. and elsewhere in the world. However, to refine the range of likely losses will require updating and expanding previous studies using modern cultivars grown under current production conditions of fertility and water management. Potential gains achieved by screening modern cultivars for ozone sensitivity utilizing marker-assisted selection is an unexplored arena although preliminary studies are underway."
[The paper ends with future projects - my favorite is the last one (which I have highlighted in red), which nobody seems to have gotten around to yet.]
These include outdoor controlled-environment chambers, open-top field chambers, free-air exposure systems, open air experiments with sensitive/tolerant cultivars, ozone-protectants, and multivariate modeling of plant responses to ambient ozone using multiple study locations and similar experimental protocols. These protocols can be used in various combinations, augmented by modern molecular biology techniques such as quantitative trait loci (QTL) analyses with available recombinant inbred lines (e.g., rice, peanut and tomato), to screen crops for ozone sensitivity.
Studies are needed to: a) define crop responses to ozone under a range of controlled environmental conditions; b) identify molecular markers for ozone sensitivity; c) assess plant responses to ambient ozone in natural settings; and, d) construct predictive models of crop performance in a changing climate. These are costly studies to conduct and have not been performed for currently relevant cultivars. In general, it is important to remember that elevated ozone is toxic to all living things. Our current understanding of crop responses to ozone indicates that measurable yield losses due to ozone toxicity are likely occurring in many regions of the U.S. and elsewhere in the world. However, to refine the range of likely losses will require updating and expanding previous studies using modern cultivars grown under current production conditions of fertility and water management. Potential gains achieved by screening modern cultivars for ozone sensitivity utilizing marker-assisted selection is an unexplored arena although preliminary studies are underway."
[The paper ends with future projects - my favorite is the last one (which I have highlighted in red), which nobody seems to have gotten around to yet.]
"Research issues
Assess the impact of ambient ozone pollution on specialty crop production and nutritional quality, both nationally and internationally.
Determine the influence of other growth-regulating environmental factors on plant responses to ozone.
Determine the influence of ambient ozone in plant pest and pathogen relationships.
Quantify the contributions of ambient ozone from those of the other factors to crop productivity and chemistry.
Determine the potential of modern genetic screening techniques, e.g., QTL analysis and marker-assisted selection, for assessing ozone-sensitivity of new crop cultivars.
Convey to the public the nature and degree of the impact."
Has ANYBODY tried to convey to the public the nature and degree of the impact of ozone on our food supply???
Has ANYBODY tried to convey to the public the nature and degree of the impact of ozone on our food supply???
I have found more books about ozone's impact on vegetation. They are quite expensive textbooks, so I'll have to try to get them from a university library. I can read some pages on line, although I can't cut and paste, so I have to retype the text. The first is from pages 204 and 205 from a book, copyright 1999, called "Environmental Pollution and Plant Responses". I strongly recommend following the link and reading 204 through 207, to get a sense of the myriad ways that plants are affected by O3.
"Air pollution is not a new problem in agriculture. For decades, farmers in congested or industrialized areas have experienced air pollution damage to their crops, often without realizing it. Ozone primarily injures the leaf mesophyll tissues causing leaf chlorosis and/or a characteristic flecking of the upper leaf surface. Important physiological processes such as photosynthesis (Pn), respiration, carbon allocation, and stomatal function are often adversely affected by O3. Estimates of yield losses in major crop plants, resulting from ambient O3 stress...translates into economic losses in the U.S. at about $4 - $5 billion, or about 5.6% of the gross values of farm commodities...
In general, C3 species such as soybean, cotton, peanuts, spinach, radish, bean, potato and tomato are more sensitive to O3 stress..."
And here are yet two other books, the first, "Forest Decline and Ozone", has, imagine this, an illustration of a bark beetle on the cover! Do you suppose the authors think that the bark beetle infestation just might have something to do with trees being more vulnerable because they are damaged by ozone??
It's quite amazing how many ways that ozone changes the internal functions of a tree...and ludicrous that scientists don't follow their own observations through to the rather obvious conclusion that we have reached a tipping point where trees of all species have succumbed to the invisible, toxic gases being absorbed by their leaves and needles, transmitting poison and wreaking havoc throughout their systems. In hindsight, I think this most recent mess of downed trees will be seen as the beginning of the utter collapse of the very foundation of our terrestrial ecosystem, just as corals have had their fate sealed in the oceans.
And here are yet two other books, the first, "Forest Decline and Ozone", has, imagine this, an illustration of a bark beetle on the cover! Do you suppose the authors think that the bark beetle infestation just might have something to do with trees being more vulnerable because they are damaged by ozone??
The other, with the exotic title: "Molecular Ecotoxicology of Plants", also by Sandermann, has an excellent introduction about what, exactly, ecotoxicology is, and has much to say about ozone, starting with this:
"...more recently ozone, a ubiquitous air pollutant that regularly exceeds limit values, has also been recognized to act as a powerful abiotic elicitor. As summarized in Fig. 1.3, ozone can induce five major known defense responses of plants against pathogens. Ozone therefore acts as an inducer that is able to activate plant genetic and biochemical programs originally developed for another environmental stress (in this case fungal attack).
It's quite amazing how many ways that ozone changes the internal functions of a tree...and ludicrous that scientists don't follow their own observations through to the rather obvious conclusion that we have reached a tipping point where trees of all species have succumbed to the invisible, toxic gases being absorbed by their leaves and needles, transmitting poison and wreaking havoc throughout their systems. In hindsight, I think this most recent mess of downed trees will be seen as the beginning of the utter collapse of the very foundation of our terrestrial ecosystem, just as corals have had their fate sealed in the oceans.
Sea dragon photo credits here here and here


text:
Transcript:Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
Transcript for | |
Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch | |
Written by | Bill Odenkirk |
Transcribed by | The Neutral Planet |
- [Opening Credits. Caption: Bigfoot's Choice.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Farnsworth sits at the table drinking something. Amy flies in on a rocket-propelled board, cheering. She lands it and slips off and screams.]
Amy: Shman! The Great Rad Spot is mega-sweet for party-boarding.
Farnsworth: Indeed.
Amy: Any calls while I was out?
Leela: Yeah. You got a tele-sonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago.
- [Amy gasps.]
Amy: My Kiffie called? [She walks over to the screen. Kif is still on the line, drumming his fingers on the desk in front of him.] Kif?
Kif: [on screen] Ooh, Amy, you're back. Another hour and I would have thought about hanging up.
Amy: Why didn't you just leave a message, sweetie?
Kif: [on screen] Well, um, I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine but you never seem to get them.
Amy: [shouting] Bender!
Bender: Not my fault if you don't check me! [He pushes his flashing antenna down and a tape inside him rewinds.] Messages erased.
Kif: [on screen] Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear. [Zapp walks behind him, just about wearing a towel. He hums and rubs the towel between his legs.] When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery. So you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light years.
- [He cries.]
- [Cut to: Nimbus Bridge.]
Amy: [on screen] Kif, don't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. On the screen Zapp walks up behind Kif.]
Zapp: [on screen] Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you could-- Oh, ho! What's this?
- [Cut to: Nimbus Bridge. He sees Leela on the couch and zooms in on her.]
Zapp: Well, well, well! Do my eyes believe me or is that my bosom-y swan, Leela?
Leela: [on screen] Say again. You're breaking up!
- [She throws the book she is reading at the screen.]
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Leela's book hits the screen and smashes it, cutting off the line. Amy groans. Enter Farnsworth.]
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7.
- [Scruffy wheels a sack truck in through the other door with a big pill on it.]
Scruffy: Scruffy's rollin' out a large pill!
Amy: You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there. You could drop me off on the way.
Farnsworth: We could but we won't! It's a spaceship, damnit, not a prom limousine! [He growls.] If anyone needs me I'll be in the Angry Dome.
- [He leaves, waving his fists.]
- [Scene: Outside Planet Express. The ship takes off. Farnsworth paces around and curses in the Angry Dome which is a small transparent structure on the roof between the hangar and Farnsworth's home dome.]
- [Scene: The ship flies away from Earth.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. The crew are at their stations.]
Leela: This is a very long trip. So we'll all have to go into hibernative-naptosis to save oxygen.
- [She presses a button and the lights dim. She and Fry walk out. Bender folds his arms in disgust.]
Bender: [muttering] I don't even breathe oxygen!
- [He closes his eyes.]
- [Scene: Leela's Quarters. She sleeps with Nibbler on her.]
- [Cut to: Fry's and Bender's Quarters. Fry sleeps on the bottom hammock. Nearby is a sword and his helmet from When Aliens Attack.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cargo Bay. The giant pill begins to shake. It breaks apart and Amy climbs out of it.]
- [Scene: Ships Cockpit. Amy sneaks past Bender, sits in the pilot's seat and takes control of the ship.]
Amy: [whispering] Here I come, Kif!
- [She turns the ship around and laughs.]
- [Scene: Nimbus Bridge. Zapp watches Casper the Friendly Ghost on the screen and laughs.]
Zapp: They jumped right out of their pants! [A klaxon goes off and the message "Approaching Vessel: Collision Imminent" appears on several screens.] Oh, what now? Activate glass window. [Kif lifts the projection screen up. The Planet Express ship flies towards them. Kif gasps.] Kif, I'm sensing a very sensual disturbance in the force. Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy!
Kif: Yes, sir, captain!
- [Scene: The front section of the Nimbus's starboard leg opens up and swallows the Planet Express ship à la the SP.E.C.T.R.E. spaceship in You Only Live Twice.]
- [Scene: Leela's Quarters. The lights come on and Leela wakes up. She screams and turns over and sees Zapp lying beside her.]
Zapp: How 'bout I help you finish that dream you were having about me?
Leela: OK. I was just at this part: Yah!
- [She punches him and he falls off the bed.]
Zapp: Uh, let's try that a little lower and a lot softer!
- [Scene: Kif's Quarters. Kif and Amy sit on his bed.]
Kif: Imagine you stowing away and stealing a licensed starship! Oh, it's so romantic it gives me the shivers!
- [He shivers.]
Amy: I don't care how much trouble I get in. I needed to feel my lips pressed against your lipless beak.
- [They kiss.]
Kif: Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us. I've been thinking a lot about this and, well, would you move in with me?
Amy: Here? But, uh, wouldn't it be crowded?
Kif: No, no! It's really twice the size. You can use the floor and I'll have the ceiling. See?
- [He climbs up the wall and onto the ceiling. Amy giggles.]
Amy: Kif! You have so much creativity and niceness, but I'm not ... [Kif falls from the ceiling.] ... sure if I--
Kif: Hush! Before you answer, come thither.
- [Scene: Nimbus Holo-Shed. A bare room which looks very similar to the Holodeck from Star Trek: The Next Generation. The walls, floors and ceiling are criss-crossed with lines. Amy looks around.]
Kif: This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire, and nothing can hurt you. Except when it malfunctions and the holograms become real.
Amy: Well, that probably won't happen this time.
Kif: I wanted to show you what life would be like if we were together. Computer: Run program "Kif 1".
- [A landscape with a small house and snow-capped mountains in the background materialises around them. Amy gasps.]
Amy: This is so beautiful! [A pony gallops by.] Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted but my parents said I had too many ponies already.
Kif: Yes, I programmed it in for you. 4 million lines of BASIC! And if this isn't the life you want, how 'bout this? Run program "Kif 2".
- [The environment changes to a nighttime scene by a moonlit lake.]
Amy: Oh, Kif!
- [They put their arms around each other.]
Kif: We could live here at the shore of the Tranquilibrius Sea in a timeshare. And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile. [He reaches up to the moon and tries to pull it down. He struggles. It starts to glide away from the shore, pulling him over the water.] Almost got it. It seems to be ... sort of ... stuck! [He falls into the water.] I love you! [The moon falls and hits him on the head. He splutters.] Run program "Kif://3".
- [The environment changes to a castle in the clouds.]
Amy: This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this.
Kif: Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care. As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me.
Amy: Kif, I'd love to live with you ... someday. But before then there's still lots I wanna do on my own. [The Holo-Shed crackles around them.] What was that?
Kif: Oh, dear. I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again. Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the--
- [...Hun bursts through the castle gates followed by Professor Moriarty, Jack the Ripper and an evil Abraham Lincoln.]
Amy: Look! Spirit!
- [Attila the Hun rides Spirit. Spirit rears up and growls.]
Kif: And there's Professor Moriarty, Jack the Ripper, Evil Lincoln!
- [Evil Lincoln laughs maniacally.]
Moriarty: Right-oh, gents, it's another simulation gone mad, so murder and mayhem, standard procedure!
- [They start wrecking the castle.]
Jack the Ripper: Rampage!
Evil Lincoln: [shouting] Real holographic-simulated Evil Lincoln is back!
- [He smashes his axe into the castle wall and the environment fizzles out, leaving Kif, Amy and the holograms in the bare Holo-Shed. Kif and Amy run out.]
- [Scene: Nimbus Bridge. Klaxons buzz and red lights flash on and off. Enter Amy and Kif.]
Kif: The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again! The characters turned real!
Zapp: Damn. The last time that happened I got slapped with three paternity suits. [The holograms run in and everyone screams.] Listen up, history's greatest villains... [He holds up a large gun.] Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting!
Attila the Hun: Stop! Don't shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression!
Zapp: Spare me your space-age techno-babble, Attila the Hun!
- [He shoots at them. They dodge the lasers and one shot hits the wall. The bridge starts decompressing. The holograms are blown out into space through the hole. Leela grabs hold of Zapp's chair, Fry grabs her legs and Bender grabs Fry's legs. His chest cabinet opens and an Egyptian artefact falls out. He groans. Zapp flies by and grabs Bender's legs.]
Bender: Hey!
- [Zapp's toupee wobbles in the wind. On the other side of the bridge Amy starts losing her grip on Kif's hand.]
Amy: Kif! Hold on!
Kif: I totally want to!
- [His hand slips out of his glove. Amy grabs his face but loses her grip and the wind carries him towards the hole. He grabs hold of Leela.]
Leela: Grab on!
- [He loses his grip on her and grabs Fry's trouser leg.]
Fry: Over here!
- [He reaches for Bender but he doesn't help.]
Kif: Please hold me!
Bender: Have a good one! [He flies towards the hole. The holographic Moon bounces in, bounces across the bridge and plugs the hole. The wind stops and everyone hits the floor.] Oh, man!
- [Zapp breathes a sigh of relief and straightens his toupee.]
Zapp: After all that I could use some relaxation. I'll be in the Holo-Shed.
- [Scene: Nimbus Sick Bay & Horta Burn Clinic. Dr. Veins McGee finishes examining Zapp.]
McGee: Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal haemorrhaging and a partially barfed-up heart, everyone appears fine. [Everyone breathes sighs of relief.] Oh, and Kif is pregnant.
- [Everyone gasps. Kif hugs Amy.]
Kif: Oh, joy!
- [Time Lapse.]
Kif: Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant!
Amy: Yes it's ... great. A great miracle.
Leela: And not one of those bogus everyday miracles like a sunrise. Aren't you a male?
Bender: Yeah, what's the deal? Just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's something else! Lemme at 'im! [He goes for Kif and everyone restrains him.] Come over here, Kif! You--
- [Kif shakes.]
Zapp: Look, I'm sure we're all a little unclear on how anyone gets pregnant. So, Kif, pray explain. And don't spare the dirty words where appropriate.
Kif: Well, it's quite simple really. When one of my species experiences deep feelings of love we enter a so-called "receptive state".
Zapp: You disgust me! Go on.
Kif: At that point, our skin becomes a semi-permeable membrane, which allows the passage of genetic material. I held Amy's hand and voilà.
Bender: Well, OK. But that better be all there is!
Kif: Oh, Amy! You'll be a mother!
- [He hugs her.]
- [Scene: Kif's Quarters. Everyone except Zapp is there, including Evil Lincoln.]
Kif: What a wondrous affirmation of our love. And all from the touch of your hand.
- [He laughs and rolls around.]
Fry: Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship?
Evil Lincoln: Indeed.
Fry: Kif touched everybody there. Couldn't any one of us be the mother?
Amy: Hey, yeah! I mean ... what about that, Kif?
Kif: Well, I suppose I might have gotten pregnant that way. Or even from a toilet seat. Though that's impossible since I have a private washroom.
- [Kif's toilet flushes and Zapp emerges from the washroom.]
Zapp: Ah, my home away from home. By the way, Kif, your flush seemed to be set on stun, not kill.
- [Kif stutters.]
Amy: Look, Kif, I probably am the mother. Although maybe I'm not. Of course, I hope I am. But just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test.
Bender: A test! I demand a test!
- [Scene: Planet Express: Hangar. A large centrifuge is in the middle of the room. Fry, Leela, Zapp and Amy stand around it. Kif, Farnsworth and Bender stand on the catwalk above.]
Farnsworth: Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyser. But I guess I showed myself! Subjects, please enter the chamber. [Fry, Leela, Amy and Zapp walk into it.] Now to take a DNA sample. [He draws some liquid from Kif, making him deflate, then puts the liquid in a part of the machine.] When I pull this switch, the maternifuge will spin at 10,000 RPM, separating out everyone who isn't the mother-- Father-- Whatever!
- [He pulls the switch and the maternifuge starts spinning. Everyone in it screams. Farnsworth drops the floor from underneath them.]
Bender: Faster! Faster!
- [Fry flies through a tube and hits a mattress on the catwalk.]
Farnsworth: Good. Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man-mom. [Zapp comes through the tube, gets stuck halfway and finally flies out and lands on Fry.] Nor is Captain Brannigan.
- [Kif wipes his forehead.]
Kif: Oh, thank you, merciful God!
- [Zoidberg flies out.]
Farnsworth: Zoidberg? What the hell were you doing in there?
Zoidberg: That's where I live. I have no home.
- [Everyone watches as Leela and Amy spin around in the maternifuge. Amy flies out and Kif gasps.]
Kif: Amy? But that means--
- [He looks into the slowing maternifuge. Leela is the only one left. She slides out.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Everyone sits at the table.]
Kif: Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand. That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No Glove, No Love".
Leela: Wow, this is all so confusing.
Zapp: Leela! How could you? Our love has had to endure your constant hatred, and now this? [crying] Stop testing our love!
Kif: Please, Captain. I thank Leela for the DNA she gave me but, in my species, the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love. We call that person the "smizmar". And my smizmar is Amy.
Zapp: So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?
- [Scene: O'Zorgnax's Pub. Amy and Leela are out for drinks.]
Leela: Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant.
Amy: That's OK. At least Kif's baby shower should be fun. I'd better put it on my calendar. [She presses her wrist machine and a calendar comes up in front of her.] Thursday: Baby shower, enter. [The calendar enters it in on Thursday the 4th.] Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it. Set "Motherhood Mode".
- [The calendar erases all of the entries and replaces it with "Motherhood". Amy sighs. Leela raises her glass.]
Leela: To motherhood.
- [They clink their glasses and drink.]
- [Scene: Fry's and Bender's Lounge. The Planet Express staff, Kif, Zapp and Leo and Inez Wong are gathered for baby shower. Bender wears his chef hat and hands out hors d'Oeuvres.]
Bender: Zoidberg?
- [Zoidberg takes a claw-ful of hors d'Oeuvres.]
Fry: You know, my face was stuck in a pizza.
Amy: Mom, Dad, I know this is weird but--
Mrs. Wong: Yeah, yeah. We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant. All we care is that we have grandchild now.
Kif: You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong.
Mr. Wong: Hey! You call her "Grandma" now!
Mrs. Wong: Call me Grandma like crazy! All the time!
- [Fry taps his glass.]
Fry: Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here.
Zoidberg: Also Zoidberg!
Fry: So let's open the gifts.
- [Everyone cheers.]
Bender: Alright!
Kif: I can't wait! Let's start with this one, from Bender.
- [He opens the box and takes out a pair of mounted robot shoes.]
Bender: It's my booties from when I was a kid.
Amy: Uh, they're already bronzed.
Bender: They are bronze.
Kif: And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow! I wonder what it is!
- [He starts to open it. Zapp puts his arm around Leela.]
Zapp: Yes, I wonder what we got you.
- [Leela elbows him in the stomach. Kif takes the present out of the box.]
Kif: It's a basket! F-For picnics?
Leela: It means a lot to me. It's the basket my parents left me in at the orphanarium.
Hermes: You could use it for picnics.
Mrs. Wong: Here, Amy. We get this one for you.
- [She hands her a long box.]
Amy: Is it a new party board?
- [She opens it.]
Mrs. Wong: It's a board alright! An ironing board.
Mr. Wong: We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore.
Amy: You-You trashed my party board?
Mrs. Wong: Damn right! Now you're a mom, the only surfing you do is under a big wave of responsibility.
Kif: Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life! You all brought such wonderful gifts. But the greatest gift--
Bender: Mine!
Kif: Is the bond I share with my smizmar, Amy. For soon, the quivering mass of life within me will depend on us both. [He rubs his bump.] Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing. And shortly, it will rend my loins in twain, burst forth and pull us down, down, down into the deep, dark waters of commitment.
Zoidberg: That's so beautiful!
- [He dries his tears with a mouth flap.]
Amy: [crying] Yes, it's, it's-- [She shakes her head.] No! I can't do this!
- [She runs out of the room, crying. Everyone gasps.]
Bender: Oh, my God!
- [Zoidberg cries like a baby.]
- [Time Lapse. Mr. and Mrs. Wong and Zapp have left.]
Kif: Oh, how could Amy leave me? When will women learn to take responsibility for the children they've helped create? [His bump rumbles and he gasps.] The quickening! My time is near. I must return to my homeworld to perform the ancient birthing rites.
Scruffy: Lemme know how that turns out.
- [He munches a biscuit.]
- [Scene: Amphibios 9 Surface. The Planet Express ship lands in a jungle area and snaps through some vines. New ones quickly grow again, covering the ship.]
- [Time Lapse. The crew, Kif and Zapp walk through the jungle. Kif stops them.]
Kif: I must now embark on a perilous journey to give birth in precisely the same swamp in which I was born.
Leela: If it's so dangerous, I'd better go with you. A gal has to protect her DNA.
Kif: No, Leela. Tradition demands that I make this journey with my smizmar. And since Amy isn't, here I must go it alone. Farewell, for we may never meet again.
- [He walks towards the thick of the jungle and falls over.]
- [Time Lapse. Fry, Zapp and Bender hack away at plants in front of them while Leela carries Kif.]
Kif: My scrapes feel a little better now.
- [Bender sees a large blue creature.]
Bender: Hey, what's this fat ugly thing? A frog? A toad? Or your momma!
- [He laughs. The creature's tongue wraps around him and it tries to swallow him.]
Kif: It's a poisonous froad! No one move.
- [He inflates his head. The froad screams and drops Bender.]
Bender: I'm back, baby!
- [Scene: Swamp.]
Kif: Behold! The sacred ancestral birthing grounds of my family.
- [Zapp sniffs.]
Zapp: Smells like a jockstrap!
- [A native of the planet rises from a puddle of mud.]
Grand Midwife: I am the Grand Midwife.
Fry: Hi!
Kif: I am Kif, of the clan Kroker, come to bear my young.
Grand Midwife: Then let the Tea of New Life be brewed. [She points to a large jug with a tea bag string hanging out of it.] As it is writ, "and both shall lift the jug together". Where is your smizmar?
Kif: She's not with me.
Grand Midwife: Oh, the sorrow. Oh, the shame. I'm sorry, I'm probably just making you feel worse.
Kif: As long as Amy is with me in my heart I will have the strength of two. [He tries to lift the jug but struggles. Zapp shakes his head in disappointment.] Apparently Amy hasn't been working out much lately.
- [He drags it a little way, stretching his arms.]
Grand Midwife: As the tea boils, please join hands with your beloved smizmar. [Kif looks away.] Oh, right, sorry. But I memorised the ceremony by rote and it mentions her a lot.
Kif: I'll try to endure.
Grand Midwife: Good, 'cause I'm not changing it. Now turn ye to and gaze deeply into each other's eyes.
- [Kif looks at Bender.]
Bender: What are you looking at?
Grand Midwife: May the love I sense between you at this moment remain with you both through all your days. [Kif cries. The Midwife ladles some tea into a cup.] The Tea of New Life is ready. Let those whose love created this life speak each other's names, then drink.
- [Kif looks into the cup and cries.]
Kif: [quietly] Amy.
Amy: [shouting] Kif!
- [Everyone looks up and gasps. Amy flies towards the swamp on her party board.]
Kif: Amy! Is it you or have I gone crazy with loneliness?
Bender: Both.
- [Amy lands and falls off.]
Amy: I still don't know if I'm ready for this but I do know I love you. And I wanna be here beside you.
Grand Midwife: Great! Now I lost my place! I'm starting over!
- [Kif's bump rumbles.]
Kif: Oh, no time! It has begun! [He and Amy gulp back some of the tea and Kif falls back into the Midwife's arms. Amy holds his head and he groans.] Oh, my!
- [Everyone else cringes at what is happening. Bender pulls out a camera and takes a photo.]
Bender: Neat!
Amy: You can do it, Kif!
- [Kif pushes again.]
Kif: Whoa, Nellie!
- [He pushes some more and eventually some spawn comes from between his legs and makes a splash. Leela, Fry and Zapp cover their noses.]
Bender: Oh, man!
- [Some one- and two-eyed tadpoles hop out from the spawn and head for the swamp.]
Kif: Amy, my love, tell me: Are they making it to the water?
- [Some snakes and flying creatures surround the tadpoles. Leela breaks a large leaf off a plant and throws it to Amy.]
Leela: Amy!
- [Amy catches it and starts beating back the snakes and insects.]
Amy: Shoo! Stay away from my babies!
- [A flying creature picks up a tadpole. Amy smacks it with the leaf and the tadpole falls to the ground. The creatures flee and the tadpoles hop into the water.]
Grand Midwife: The birthing is complete!
- [Everyone cheers and gathers around Kif and Amy.]
Bender: Alright!
Kif: Oh, thank goodness!
Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave. I live here so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore.
Fry: Congratulations!
Zapp: Nice work!
Bender: Way to go, squishy!
- [The tadpoles swim away.]
Leela: There goes my DNA. What a disgusting and beautiful process.
Fry: That's birth for you.
Kif: Well, we've given them a great start, Amy. And in 20 years they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.
Amy: I'll be ready then.
- [They hug and watch their children swim around in the swamp. Two leap into the air and bump their heads.]
- [Closing Credits.]
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"TurnOn" tells the spellbinding tale of a brave alien creature and its striking journey through blackout world, in an incredibly colorful and detailed platformer without platforms.
The whole city has been plunged into darkness. After an accident in the power station, a living electric spark must restore electricity to the city and give citizens back their safe and carefree lives. "TurnOn" tells the spellbinding tale of a brave alien creature and its striking journey through blackout world. Featuring a charming art style and visual storytelling, cute character personality, and a soothing and magical soundtrack, "TurnOn" makes the world the way it was before, but a little better and kinder.
- Setting! Be surprised how the world depends on electricity and what can happen if it suddenly disappears. Solve puzzles and figure out how to turn on the lights in every home, as well as fight unexpected enemies!
- Visual storytelling! Tired of all those dialogs in your video games? Never mind, in "TurnOn" everything is purely visual, and the entire story is told through what you see (and sometimes what you don't).
- Platformer without platforms! The main character moves through the electrical wires. The mix of exploration and music levels makes the gameplay very immersive.
The creation of "TurnOn" was inspired by the global movement Earth Hour, which is held by WWF.


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Wound Covering Requires Less Tissue to Produce Effective Results
MUNDELEIN, Ill. (BUSINESS WIRE)-Diabetic foot complications are the largest non-traumatic cause of lower extremity amputations, accounting for nearly 90,000 amputations a year, at a cost of nearly $40,000 per procedure.
To help the healing process in the most chronic wounds, including those at risk of amputations, Medline Industries, Inc., recently introduced RevitalonTM, a biologic wound covering made of human amniotic tissue. Revitalon is available in an innovative multi-dot application-five, one-centimeter dots per package-which is significantly less expensive than purchasing a larger sheet.
"The Revitalon multi-dot application for chronic wounds is similar to seeding a lawn," said Sissi Miao, PhD, MBA, vice president of the advanced wound care division at Medline. "The dot application allows for more efficient use of the amniotic tissue. As a result, the cost of treatment is significantly less, which is great news for the patient, as well as for the healthcare facility that is looking to control costs, provide quality care and improve outcomes."
Revitalon is also available in sheets measuring 2 x 2, 4 x 4 and 6 x 4 centimeters.
The tissue used for Revitalon amniotic membrane allografts is procured and processed by the Musculoskeletal Transplant Foundation (MTF), the country's leading tissue bank. MTF uses the most advanced aseptic processing technique that involves maintaining Revitalon's safety throughout the entire harvesting, processing, and transporting process. This process uses fewer steps than other sterilization technologies, which creates manufacturing efficiencies that enables Revitalon to be offered at a lower cost per treatment than similar biologics.
"Amniotic membrane allografts are an outstanding weapon in our battle against the chronic wound. Because it is a natural human product, it is resistant to the body's rejection responses," said Matthew G. Garoufalis, DPM, FASPS, FACFAOM, CWS, Clinical Associate Professor of Podiatric Medicine and Surgery at Western University of Health Sciences in Pomona, CA. "They can be used as an off-the-shelf product in a variety of sizes. This product plays a major and much needed role in closing the wound quickly, efficiently, and cost effectively while returning the patient to his or her normal activities."
Medline partnered with Liventa Bioscience on the development of Revitalon. Liventa is the leading innovator in the use of living donor birth tissues to advance healing in wound care and orthopedic, spinal, reproductive and general surgery.
For more information, visit http://www.medline.com/products/wound-and-skin-care/revitalon#.


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Happy Friday!!!!
Today I am sharing my DT reveal for the " Game On" Sketch with Stash Challenge at
The challenge was to use the sketch below and add either game or game cards! I found a chipboard dart board and dart in my old scraps from the Crate Paper " Toy Box" collection. The most difficult part of this challenge was to come up with a ttile that tied in the dart and dart board. I did a search on google and "whala" I found the saying: "Let your smile be your strategy!" Perfect for this photo of my "favorite" nephew with that wonderful smile on his face!
Patterned Paper: Echo Park " For The Record"
Dart & Dart & Dart Board: Crate Paper "Toy Box"
Title Work: AC Thickers & EP "For The Record 2"
Wood Veneer Star: Studio Calico
and here is the sketch:
I am also entering this layout in the following challenge:
Use It Tueday's ~ Challenge #62 Trends
(Wood veneer star & layering)
You have until Friday, September 6th to link up your project!
Have a Great Labor Day Weekend!!!!


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Details of Massive Guns N' Roses' 'Appetite' Box Apparently Leak in Video
If the professional-looking unboxing video that leaked last night is any indication, Guns N' Roses are about to announce a deluxe "Locked N' Loaded" reissue of their debut album Appetite for Destruction.
The clip, which has since been deleted, listed a June 29 release date for the 73-track box set, which includes 49 previously unreleased tracks, to be presented across four CDs, a Blu-ray and seven vinyl discs. You can see the deleted video -- which was copied by a fan -- below. That date lines up with a recently posted Amazon listing and fan-shot photos of billboards promoting the new album.
Triple-M in Australia also reported that the lead single, the previously unreleased "Shadow of Your Love," will be streaming tomorrow.
According to the video -- which has not been officially released or commented on by the band or its representatives -- the 1987 album has been remastered from the original tapes and pressed across two LPs in a foil sleeve, with the fourth side carrying a hologram. The Blu-ray disc offers new 5.1 surround sound mixes. The 1986 album Live Like a Suicide appears on one LP, while another contains B-sides.Other discs contain 25 tracks from the 1986 Sound City studio sessions and two recorded with producer Mike Clink. In all, 49 recordings are previously unreleased.
The super-deluxe version of the set will be presented in a wooden cabinet with a faux leather exterior and handmade 3D cross device, a 96-page hardcover book containing unseen photos from Axl Rose's personal archive, 12 lithographs "visualizing each song from the album," turntable mat and cleaning cloth, six gig flyers, a flyer inviting fans to attend the "Welcome to the Jungle" video shoot, six logo patches, five metal guitar picks, three replica ticket stubs, five band skull lapel pins and five skull rings, a collectible coin, a 7" vinyl adapter, five band member photos, six temporary tattoos, a reproduction of the Robert Williams painting that adorned early versions of the album, two posters, a bandanna, a replica concert banner, a USB stick and a numbered certificate of authenticity.
Guns N' Roses are expected to make the official announcement on Friday after preparing a new website, which included a link to a clip from "Shadow of Your Love."


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Showing Collections: 1 - 1 of 1
Institute of Design Photography Oral History Project, 2011
Identifier: 008.05.01
Description of the Collection
Twenty-three video interviews with Institute of Design alumni regarding their experiences in the photography program. The interviewees discuss fellow students and instructors such as Arthur Siegel, Aaron Siskind, Garry Winogrand, Harry Callahan, Nathan Lerner, Frederick Sommer, and others. The interviews were recorded on Sunday, May 1, 2011 at the Stephen Daiter Gallery, Chicago, IL. The collection includes 23 interviews, 3 essays, 3 photographs and a guestbook.