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30 December 2008
Chili Sin Carne
1/2 cup onion, diced
1/2 cup carrot, diced
1/4 cup turnip, diced
1 jalapeño, minced
2 clove garlic, minced
1/2 pound Tempeh, cubed
1 cup cooked rice or grain of choice
1 can diced tomato, pureed
3 tbsp chili powder
2 tbsp cumin
Salt and pepper TT
Some water
Sautee veggies in olive oil until softened, add tempeh and sautee until browned. Add tomato purée, spices, rice and water, and simmer until thickened and tasty. Adjust seasonings to taste, and serve with cornbread and ridiculous amounts of cheddar and sour cream.
Notes: I used turnips, because I had them. I used rice, which happened to have a 1/2 cup or so of beans in it, because that was the container of leftovers I had in the fridge. I used Tempeh, because I got a gift certificate to the hippy market and thought it looked interesting. Point being, play with it. Remember, recipes are starting points.
There it is. Please don't revoke my Texan status.
10 December 2008
turnips and tops
Peel roots if older (bigger) or leave young peel on.
Cut up roots. Sautee in olive oil until they start to brown.
While they are cooking, smash a little garlic and add that in
Also, chop up the greens and add those in.
Add a glass of white wine to the pan, cover, and simmer 15-30 minutes until greens and roots are tender.
Finish by stirring in a pat of butter (or duck fat) and a squeeze of lemon.
toaster resolution
If you see me twitter/facebook/blog something that you want to know about, ask me to email you the recipe. I don't believe in secret ingredients or secret recipes, so ask away.
To start out early, here's an idea taken from a NY times/Emeril/the internet somewhere, i think...
Candied Bacon
Take thick cut bacon and lay it out on a cookie sheet (the kind with a lip)
Mix 1 cup brown sugar with 1 tsp Cayenne pepper
Coat bacon slices thoroughly with sugar mixture
Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes, or until crispy and bubbly.
Cool slices on wire rack
Eat as is, or chop and use to top a salad, or use whole on a sandwich (ham, cheddar, thinly sliced apple maybe?)
14 November 2008
Best. Job. Ever.
What kind of wierd dimension have I fallen into?
Sorry it's been so long. Still no Internet at home.
29 August 2008
Best Pitch Ever
So here's the line...
Guy walks up to me and tells me that he's from Africa, that he's a doctor, and that he is here in the United States working on a project to study race relations in American, specifically relating to the media's coverage of the current presidential election between John McCain, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton. Now, this morning, he had bought a copy of today's Houston Chronicle (in his hand) and Wall Street Journal (not visible), but he still needed to get a copy of the New York Times, and he had 5 cents left. Now, he didn't want money. He wanted me to go with him to the nearest store and buy him a copy of the NY Times!
So, a lot of people would walk away. A very few people would buy him the paper. But a good amount, more than the paper, would give him a buck or two because they didn't want to walk out of their way to a store. Beautiful!
For once, I wish I had had money with me. I would have given the guy a $10 just for the story alone.
21 August 2008
I have a new quest!!!!!
Here's a chance for a little interactivity for all the bloggers out there. Below is a list of 100 things that I think every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food - but a good omnivore should really try it all. Don't worry if you haven't, mind you; neither have I, though I'll be sure to work on it. Don't worry if you don't recognise everything in the hundred, either; Wikipedia has the answers.
Here's what I want you to do:
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you've eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.
The VGT Omnivore's Hundred:
1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile (does alligator count?)
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat's milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald's Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S'mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs' legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake
19 August 2008
For A Limited Time Only!
Well, do i have a deal for you!
I have stuff. Stuff i don't really need anymore. You need this stuff. So I propose a solution. You come get my stuff.
What kind of stuff, you ask?
Tom Clancy, John Grisham, Michael Crichton, Clive Cussler, Dan Brown, Steven Covey, a spanish/english dictionary, other books... you get the idea.
Warm things!
Two, count 'em, two London Fog trenches with liners! Vintage (mid-late '70s) K-Mart branded corduroy jacket (w/ belt)! Full length charcoal wool overcoat, Vintage (1996) Pearland High School letter jacket (Complete with authentic region/district choir patches!) And that's not all!!!!
Various and assorted sheet music
Records! The Incomparable Sax of Ace Cannon, Sandy Nelson's "Beat That Drum!", The Longine Symphonette "The Memory Years", Neil Sedaka Sings His Greatest Hits!
Other Stuff!
Slightly MurphyMollyIndy-ized Queen-Size mattress and box springs
Box O' Pint Glasses
Lightly Broken KitchenAid stand mixer with hook, paddle and whisk.
Blue Chair!
Fiorenzato Commercial grade Coffee grinder
Starbucks Barista Athena Espresso Machine (needs 1 part, i think)
Game Boy Advance
Centrex (by pioneer) 8-Track player
kinda ornery Sony LaserDisc Player
How can you resist???
Granted, some of things are not fully functional, some have bite marks, some are ridiculously archaic, and some are a combination of all of the above... but they're FREE!!!!! And that makes all of their faults relatively unimportant.
So come on down, step right up, and slide on by for deals, deals and more deals.
Call me if you want any of this (713..540..9881). It all goes back home to Goodwill beginning of September.
17 August 2008
WOOHOO! (And Boohoo)
So we need to have a thing... a gathering... a party if you will (and I will).
Here's the gig...
Saturday night. 9 PM. My place.
I'll get a selection of the barley and hops stuff. If you want the hard stuff or the grapey stuff, bring it.
Call with questions.
09 August 2008
Wakey Wakey, Eggs and... for real?
24 July 2008
And thou shalt feast upon the.....
And the Lord spake, saying, "Thou shalt take of the stomach of a swine,
and thou shalt cure it with the salt of the sea and the smoke of the
fire. And when it has been cured well, thou shalt fry it in a pan, and
dip it in the chocolate, and it shall be good."
So it is written. So shall it be done
Update to last post
DONE! just waiting on the real copy with my horrible horrible picture.
Go legality!
07 July 2008
Man on the run
But I decided to fix all of that. I'm a new man. I'm not smoking. I'm going to be responsible. So I called the DPS in Austin.
"Hi, this is Keith Martin... ummm... I think I owe some municipalities some money... so, who do i pay?"
"Well, Mr. Martin, call this number, and they'll tell you"
So I called that number. They told me. I paid them.
"Hi, this is Keith martin again... ummmm... so I paid those people... now what?"
"Well, Mr. Martin, you need to pay your surcharges. Call this number."
"What are surcharges?" I asked.
"They're kinda like more fees. Just pay them and stop asking questions, allright?"
So I called. And I paid.
"Yo, Bobby... me again... what now?"
"Don't call me Bobby, Mr. Martin... you need to go to this drivers license office, pay them another fee, and take your written test."
"Really? That's all? Pay some more money, tell you how many feet a car should be able to stop in if it is traveling at 20 MPH (19, by the way, and I'm done? I can get my license back?"
So I went. And I stood in line.
And the lady asked me, "Why are you here?"
And I told her that I needed to renew a suspended and expired drivers license.
And she said, "Go stand in that line"
So I did.
And the man asked me, "Why are you here?"
An I told him that I needed to renew a suspended and expired drivers license.
And he said, "Go stand in that line"
So I did.
And I waited for a while this time,
And the lady asked me, "Why are you here?"
And I told her that I needed to renew a suspended and expired drivers license.
And she said, "...???...??...?"
"Did you tell them your license was suspended?"
"Yep... twice."
"Well...the thing is... you're in the wrong line"
"Really? Cause this just seems a little too cliche, you know? Stand in multiple lines, being directed forward by state employees only to be told at the end that they were pointing you in the wrong direction the whole time."
"Well, Mr. Martin... these cliches have to come from somewhere, you know... we've got to keep people's expectations appropriately low. Now go stand in that line."
So I did.
And this time, I was in the right line. And I told them my situation. And they said, sure, give me some money. And I did. And they said, ok... heere's a reciept and a piece of paper saying you paid us. Now you need to go to the office closest to your home and take the written test..... and driving tests.
Driving test?
In a car?
Which I don't own.
Which I have to provide.
I rode my bike here.
Enter my sister.
She drives all the way from Pearland. We go to the office closest to my home. I stand in line #5. They tell me my suspension is still in place. I show them my paper. They say that I still have to wait for it to appear in the computer, but that I can go ahead and take the written test and see if it appears.
So I do. And I pass.
And it doesn't appear yet.
"But what about the driving test? Can I at least get that out of the way?"
"Oh.... that.... well... there's no slots left today. You have to come back. Again. at 5:00 am to stand in another line, where, if you are lucky and early enough, you will be assigned an appointment for that day, which you'll have to come back for at whatever time that is. "
"Oh....well then... so..."
"Goodbye, Mr. Martin. We'll see you in a week or so."
"ummm.... crap."
So, a couple of thousand dollars, 7 lines, and two DPS offices later, I still don't have a valid license. But I'm not wanted in multiple counties anymore, so that's nice...
04 July 2008
03 July 2008
Inflatable Origami Chicken
For example, from last night:
two tiny inflatable origami chickens, made out of one piece of paper by my brother and inflated using a camelback tube and a foot bellows style pump.
A gas powered car about the size of a Powerwheel, but meant for highway use.
The Pearland High School Marching Band, on tour in Florida.
Hilary Clinton
A wall
Some other unnamed political candidate (not Obama)
And somehow this all fit together... Something about Russell and I giving a presentation to the unknown candidate, with the marching band providing inspirational music. The chickens were an integral part of the presentation, and I followed behind the bus to Florida in the little car.
So, here's the challenge. The people who read this blog are pretty creative, I think. So, in the comments, come up with a story, a narrative that uses all of the elements above. You can change names and locations, but the basic pieces have to remain. Have fun!
(note: I just thought about the fact that the comments might be too small of a space. If so, just email me your story and I'll post it here)
28 June 2008
I was sitting here at work thinking that I could really use a cigarette, so I decided to delve into the craving a bit... what do i want from the cigarette? something in my mouth? I've got chewing gum and toothpicks, and that seems to work well enough. Nicotine? I've got a patch in my wallet that'll deliver that no problem, and yet it doesn't seem appealing at all. What I want, what I crave, what I'm fighting to ignore, is the smoke. The warmth, the slight burning sensation, the toasty flavor, the slightly bittersweet aroma of burning tobacco entering and subsequently leaving my lungs.
So in short, all of the other chemical and carcinogens, not the nicotine.
25 June 2008
one week...
one week since I took a drag.
lit up one of what the british people call fags.
five days since i stopped the patch
feels like I got an itch that i can't scratch....
ehh... I'm sure if I thought about it long enough i could finish the verse. oh well.
So week one. Having trouble sleeping, quite a bit of indigestion and other stomach problems. Don't think I've gained any weight (haven't really checked). Haven't gone all postal on anyone yet. I am noticing a little better taste sensation but no noticable improvement in sense of smell.
Thanks again for all of you help in this. Keep it up, and I will too :)
24 June 2008
i am so going to do this!
23 June 2008
Superfluous waffles
patches? We don't need no steenkin' patches!
Product plug of the day:
Thursday Plantation Original Tea Tree Australian Chewing Sticks, Cinnamon flavored.
Made from renewable and fast growing birchwood trees, these 'chewing sticks' are treated with tea tree oil, cinnamon oil, and menthol to sweeten the breath and provide much needed stress relief during quitting smoking.
chicken and waffles
Now, the way I attacked this mound of food was to put syrup on the waffle, hot sauce on the chicken, and dig in... What this inevitably led to was hot sauce on the waffle and syrup on the chicken and the impossibly tasty merging in my mouth of syrup, butter, hot sauce, chicken juice, and hot grease. Holy cheesemonkey, batman! I've decided that the waffle itself, though quite tasty, is included merely to make pouring syrup onto chicken socially acceptable.
My mom's catfish and grits was just as tasty, especially when dredged in the leftover syrup and hotsauce on my plate, as was my sisters breakfast sandwich.
So drop by The Breakfast Klub, say hi to Sonya at the counter, grab yourself some chicken, and be prepared to be amazed.
20 June 2008
new plan
-What? You're messing with the system? You know you're supposed to follow the -manufacturers instructions exactly! (says my internal RTFM inclined persona)
I agree, it is a gamble, but one that makes sense to me. I've still got patches as a safety net, and if I can completely rid my body of nicotine, then I'm that much closer that much faster.
ahhh... retail therapy
I have been resisting that temptation along with my other temptaion resisting activities, but, I finally gave in. Maxtor 160 gig hard drive for $50. Happy 54 hours of not smoking to me :)
When I was smoking, I smoked about a pack a day. There are 20 cigarettes in a pack and each pack delivers 1 mg of nicotine to your body. I am now wearing a patch that delivers 21 mg of nicotine to my body in 24 hours. So... How is it that i'm experiencing nicotine withdrawal symptoms when I actually am "ingesting" more nicotine each day than before quitting (on average)? And if that is true, then in 6 weeks when I'm supposed to go down to the 14mg patch, will I go through the same crap again? And again two weeks later when I go to the 7mg patch? And again 2 weeks later when I am finally off of the patch? So basically I'm looking forward to 8 solid weeks of feeling crappy, then good, then crappy, then good, then crappy again.
Now, please don't take all of that as an indication of relapse, it's not... It just makes me wonder if the patch thing is actually the way to go.... or whether cold turkey would be better. Sure, cold turkey has to be harder (not to mention tastier when combined with whole grain bread and chipotle mayo), but it means only 72 hours of actual chemical addiction left, and then the breaking of the mental addiction.
Maybe a modified patch system? Only wear it half of the day? Shorten the steps? Or should I just believe the manufacturers (who only make more money the longer I wear it, meaning their true interest lies in me not losing my addiction to nicotine) and go through the whole process...
Please comment below
Still going
New twist in the withdrawal symptoms... Nausea. Woohoo!
19 June 2008
24 Hours
And it is true... sleeping with a patch on does give you some vivid dreams. Dreams so vivid that at the time, I thought, wow... there's no way I'm going to forget this dream by the morning. And yet, I really don't remember what they were about. Nothing strange, just extremely real dreams about everyday life.
BTW, Ben Harper... stop trying to make me smoke. I plugged in my headphones this morning to distract me... first song that came up on shuffle??? "Burn One Down" which although is clearly not about smoking cigarettes, can easily be interpreted as such by a suggestible mind. Many thanks to the skip button and Busta Rhymes for saving me from that one :)
18 June 2008
12 hour update
3 hours
I've caught myself 3 or 4 times walking toward the front door to go outside and have a cigarette. Luckily, I don't have any, so to actually do that would require going all the way to the store. It's strange, I've gone a few days, even a week without smoking, no patch, no gum, nothing...and had no problems, because I knew that at the end of that time, I could grab a pack and light up. I've never really had those serious cravings of "I need a cig right now!"... until now.... :)
here goes nothing
The thing is, I know that for the first few weeks I'm going to get a lot of response from this. Emails, texts and calls will pour in from all of you. And that's wonderful... it'll be during the hardest part of this process that I get the most support. But I ask of you, don't stop there... A month from now, 2 months from now, next year... 2015.. whenever, please keep up the support.
Proposed "ex-Smoker" date according to the Nicoderm schedule is 3 days after my 30th birthday. We should have a party. One that's indoors :)
I love you all
Thanks in advance.
17 June 2008
breaking up is hard to do...
BRAND NEW STUFF!!!!! j/k it's old.. but it's the last of the old stuff :)
Current mood: pissed off
so..... i'm typing with one hand right now. It seems that when you are cutting things with a knife, you're supposed to keep your other fingers out of the way of the blade. something i've learned many many times but every once in a while forget. i hate making rookie mistakes.
3:33 PM - 4 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Monday, July 24, 2006
hey look! there's my face!
Current mood: anxious
so, in the last 27 (almost 28) years of my life, more of my waking hours have been spent with glasses on than without. If I remember correctly, I got my first pair when I was 11. A few years after that, I had contacts for about a year. Then glasses up until tomorrow, when I'm getting contacts again.
I'm not so sure about this whole concept. I do well if I remember to get up in time to shower, shave, feed and walk murphy, and get to work on time. At night, I'm doing pretty good if I remember to take my glasses off before falling asleep. So now I'm adding a whole process of cleaning and care of lenses to my daily routine?
On the other hand, I won't be the only person on the island not wearing sunglasses 24/7/365. And the indented lines on the side of my head where my frames sit might go away.
we'll see how it goes.
6:42 PM - 8 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment
Thursday, July 20, 2006
If you give a mouse a cookie...
Current mood: indescribable
I went to Wal-Mart yesterday. I try not to go to walmart as much as possible so as to not support the evil empire, but I needed dog food. That's it. I needed an $8.98 bag of dog food. So I went to the pet section, found my bag of dog food, and that should have been it, right? Wrong. Cause then I looked up on the shelf and saw this cool other bag of dog food that came with a storage bin and dog food sauce. Yes, I said dog food sauce. so I got that instead. Then I thought, well, if I give murphy a different type of food he might feel the urge to go all liquidy, and I had been meaning to find a way of containing the area he was in while I was gone, so I had to go get a baby gate. This had extended the time I was in the store so the dinner I had eaten (mmmm.... dibellas....) percolated and i had to go to the bathroom, so i did. While using the bathroom I thought, hey... that pair of boxers has a hole in it... I need new boxers, so I went to the men's clothing section and got some, then socks. So then I'm walking towards the register and see a nice pair of carpenter pants on sale.... and then there's this shirt...
$8.98 bag of dog food, remember?
Damn Wal-Mart
8:06 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
mmmm... unprocessed biodiesel
Current mood: ecstatic
You know what is fun? Walking up a dark flight of stairs, slipping on the top stair, and plunging your arm up past the elbow into a vat of used fry oil. yeah. that's fun.
8:08 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment
Monday, July 17, 2006
the joke
Current mood: awake
Due to the overwhelming response of 25% of my readers (thanks Jarvae!), here's the joke mentioned earlier.
Once upon a time there were two farmers, farmer Bob and Farmer Joe. They both were broccoli farmers whos farms were on opposite sides of the same road.
Farmer Bob was a very good farmer. He fed and watered his broccoli daily. He played classical music for them in the fields at night. His rows were spaced far apart to give the broccoli some personal space. Once monthly a motivational speaker would come in and give the broccoli that little extra ego boost to make them into the best boccoli they could be. And, all of his hard work and extra expense paid off. He had the most robust, healthy, bright green nutritious and flavorful broccoli out there. His broccoli were the epitome of broccolidom. If there were a Broccolympics, they would win gold in all categories.
Farmer Joe on the other hand, was the exact opposite of Farmer Bob. Farmer Joe didn't remember to feed, didn't have a working irrigation system, no classical music, bupkis. His broccoli were crammed close together, he didn't farm organically (which, BTW, meant that farmer Bob's farm couldn't get its organic certification, since the two farms were located so close together and runoff water might accidentaly cross the road, thereby contaminating Farmer Bob's fields. Damn bureaucracy)
So late one night, Farmer Bob's broccoli were sitting around, talking about life and philosophy and one of them brought up the point that although they were blessed in many ways, they had never done anything to help others. The moral imperative, "To whom much is given, much is expected" weighed heavily on their minds and they began to formulate a plan through which they could somehow impprove the world around them. Talkin amongst themselves, they said, "Look across the road at Farmer Joe's fields. Those poor broccoli are starving, emaciated, shrivelled. They have no self esteem, their tops are flopy and their stalks are limp. We have so much, so much room, so much food, so much water. Surely we can share some of it with our brethren over there."
So late one night, when the moon was new, they sent a team over the road to invite their neighbors into the good life. It was difficult convincing Farmer Joes broccoli at first. They had spent so long under his tyrannical rule that they had no concept of a life better than the one they had. But eventually, after long discussion, they agreed to give Farmer Bob's fields a try.
They began the long, slow process of pulling up roots and making their way across the road. One by one, step by step, they crossed that border to a new life. As morning was approaching, almost all of the broccoli had made the trip. All except for little Timmy. Timmy was one of the most shrivelled, most emaciated examples of Farmer Joe's evil rule. He was struggling to make it across the road, but it took almost all of his energy just to take one step. As he tried with all his might, the other broccoli began cheering him on. "Come on Timmy, you can do it! Go Timmy Go! Give me a T...." Well, you get the idea.
Just as Timmy was albout to make it across, a huge 18 wheeler cam barreling over the hill. The cheers for Timmy turned into anguished screams. Run Timmy. Run Faster. Run with everything that you've got. The truck's coming Timmy. You must go faster or you'll be...............oh no.
Timmy's broken body flew 30 yards down the road. Farmers Bob and Joe, haveing heard the impact, came ruching out, calling the ambulance on their cell phones. The ambulance arrived, and Farmer Bob and Farmer Joe rode along. While in the waiting room at the hospital, Farmer Joe, having see the error of his ways, asked for help. Farmer Bob explained the finer points of pesticide free, organic farming, plant psychology, and sustainable irrigation systems.
Just as they were finishing their discussion, the doctor came out. The farmers leapt up to greet him and find out the results of this agonizing time (the waiting room, not this joke).
The doctor looked at them and said:
"Well, gentlemen. I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is, Little Timmy is going to live. The bad news is..... he's going to be a vegetable all of his life."
10:04 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Sunday, July 16, 2006
apparently mom was wrong... or Ben Stein's Acid
Current mood: distressed
inactive ingredients on a bottle of Clear Eyes:
1: benzalkonium chloride
2: Boric Acid
3:.......hold on. Boric acid??? I'm pretty sure that one of the things my mother taught me as a wee child was "DONT POUR ACID ONTO YOUR EYEBALL!" And yet, there it is in Clear Eyes. In fact, there's more boric acid in these eye drops than there is water! Water is like the second to last item on the list. Does Ben Stein know what kind of product he's promoting?
9:04 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
comedy night
Current mood: blah
so the other day (thursday) I participated in an open mike comedy night thingy at a bar here on the island. It was the first night they were doing it, I thought, why not. I can get up there and tell a joke, right? So I did. The little Timmy joke. You know... the talking broccoli? Farmer Bob? The ambulance shows up? whatever. It's a great joke. And it was well recieved. People laughed in all the right places, groaned at the PUNchline, etc. I'm thinking, hey, I'm pretty good at this. Then the next guy got up. I'm not good at this. He's good at this. He proceeded to do 5 or 6 minutes of well rehearsed, top quality, real standup. It probably helped that he brought 20 or so of his friends for support. But I seriously would have paid actual money to hear this guy. Needless to say, after the drag queen (or transgendered woman/man/person) went on and also did a pretty good job, and it was time fo the "applause-o-meter" voting (remember the 20 friends? there were maybe a total of 30 people in the bar) I didn't win. No 25 bucks for me.
So apparently, if I want to win, I have to do real standup. which I've never done. and don't really know how to do.
I think I'll just tell another bad joke next week and keep my current position as the guy who tells bad jokes and doesn't win
that sounds like a plan.
8:37 AM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
mmmm... work...
Current mood: drained
you know what's fun? going home at 4 really toasty... then waking up at 9 and going to work.... still a little bit toasty. that's fun
8:35 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
squeaky toys are the devil
Current mood: grumpy
So, in my infinite wisdom, I stopped by the Petco yesterday when I was running errands. I thought to myself, "Keith! Maybe if there were more fun and interesting toys laying around your apartment, then murphy (and Indy, when he's visiting), would spend more time occupying themselves with those than with your couch cushions, wires and cables, A/V equipment, and bed." So I purchased a rope ball, a Kong ball, a Food Cube, and a small package of assorted rubber squeaky toys.
Dropped the toys by the apartment, watched murphy NOT play with any of them (Indy had a blast), then went to go help a friend move. Now, at 1:30 in the morning, after having moved a lot of boxes down from a third floor apartment (no elevator) into a 2nd floor apartment (again, no elevator), checking in on the dogs a few times, drinking a half a bottle of wine at dinner and a few beers at the bar afterwards, I go home, fall into bed, and go to sleep, knowing that I have to work at 9 in the morning, it's going to be a long day, and I need my rest.
Until the dogs found the squeaky toys.
it's really hard to find 4 small squeaky toys at 3 in the morning, in the dark, half asleep and a little bit intoxicated.
7:44 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Saturday, July 01, 2006
customers suck
Current mood: pissed off
So.... I relearned an important lesson tonight.... DON"T LET PEOPLE BORROW LIGHTERS!, no matter how busy you are.
A customer came up to me and asked for some matches, which we don't have. I had 3 orders to put in, hell breaking loose in the kitchen, and more tables walking in the door, so, being the naive, trusting person that I am, I let her borrow my zippo. My $50 present from a good friend had it for a year Harley Davidson Zippo. Mistake. By the time i got a clear enough head to think, hey, I don't have my lighter, the table was gone. With my lighter.
Maybe she'll come back. Maybe she'll get back to whatever beach house she's staying at, empty her pockets, find my lighter, and think," I should take this back to the nice restaurant manager who let me borrow it"
Or maybe I've lost an important (at least to me) gift from a dear friend.
friggin customers.
10:07 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
did I mention this stuff is old?
Super Action Hero Keith! (Now With Kung-Fu Grip)
Current mood: indescribable
OK. So I've never been that guy... you know... the one who's all buff and working out and voilent and testosterone laden. I'm more laid back. I'm calm. I'm mellow.
But today.... I kicked a door in. Not out of anger, or a desire to catch anyone in any act, or anything like that, but because I needed to get into a store room at work and no one had the key. And I didn't do it all by myself, I had help from one other person.... which actually made it even cooler... We did the whole 1...2.....3.... NOW! thing and the door popped open. At least, after the second 123now it popped open.
I don't know if I will ever have the chance or need to do that again, or if you will ever have the chance to do it... but if you do... holy crap it's fun.
Now if you will excuse me, I have some car hoods that need sliding across.
10:58 AM - 3 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment
Thursday, February 08, 2007
escape from galvatraz!
Current mood: accomplished
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages. I know, I know... deep down in your hearts, you've been feeling guilty. You've been depressed. You've been mired in the swamp of self doubt and loathing, all because you haven't made the trip down to Galveston to see your dear friend Keith in his Improv comedy show. But fear no more. Jumping the Shark is coming to you! Yes, that's right... for the low low price of $12 ($10 online at Massiveimprov.com) you can see Galveston's best (and only) Improv Comedy group perform at the Midtown Arts Center, Saturday, Feb. 24th at 8PM. We will be performing with Massive Improv, Comedy Sportz and Scatter!. Friday night (same place, same price) features Massive, La Resistance, and possibly more.
So, if you've been wanting to come, but have dreaded that interminable drive and that uncrossable causeway, now is your time. Your day has come, my friends.
For more info, call me at 7135409881 or go to www.myspace.com/jtsgalveston or www.massiveimprov.com
11:06 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Monday, January 08, 2007
it's been a while
Current mood: amused
So i haven't done this in a while. lack of internet connection at home, not really thinking i should at work, etc... whatever. The point is, I've kinda missed writing stuff down. It helps to put my thoughts on a page. That being said, this post is about nothing but shameless self promotion.
Ladies and Gentlemen:
This coming Wednesday, at 7pm, Jumping The Shark is performing at Gravity on the Strand (near the Waterwall restaurant).We also have the regular show every thursday night at Third Coast, 31st and Seawall.
Come on out and laugh some part of your body off.
9:14 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
The Shark!
Come check out Jumping The Shark Thursday nights in galveston.
Galveston's only Improv Comedy group starring: ME!!!!!, Lyssa Graham, Robert Paterno and Chris Jones.
10:30 PM @ Third Coast Beach Bar. 31st and Seawall.
If you tell me early that you are coming, I can get you a few free drink tickets. I get 10 to distrubute per show, so call me early and often to secure yours.
Click on the link to see the website, become the Shark's friend, and find out about upcoming gigs.
12:03 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
update to update to super happy fun time
Current mood: ecstatic
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all Ages, tooks, proudfeet.... wait.. wrong speech...
You are now reading the blog of the new Sous-Chef at University of Texas Medical Branch. Yep, thats right, Keith gets to wear one of those cool jackets, and maybe, just maybe, if I play my cards right, a funny hat too. (just kidding about the funny hat... those things are scary... I'm going to push for a baseball cap)
I will be overseeing food produstion for the hospital, cafeteria and the satellite food carts... kind of a "lunchlady supervisor"... but sous-chef sounds sooooo much better.
PLus, I work 4/10s (4 days a week, 10 hours a day) so maybe, just maybe,I can get off the island a little bit more and comevisit people more often.
Anyways, consider it fair warning. If you don't have faith in my cooking abilities (and supervisory abilities), don't get sick in galveston. :)
Thanks for all your support through this no-job time. Love you all
11:54 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
update to super happy fun time
ok... well.... starting thursday when people ask me what i have been doing, i can say "You know, sleep, going out, some comedy stuff..."
Note the unfortunate lack of the word "Work". yes, folks, that's right. As of Thursday, August 24th, I am unemployed. Great birthday present, huh?
The other restaurant in the "chain" (chain being 2 restaurants) had been tanking, and we've been holding it up. Unfortunately, with the summer season being over, we willl no longer be able to support it. So it is closing. That leaves 4 managers for 2 positions. On of those positions gets filled by the owner, and since I've been here the least amount of time, the other one doesn't get filled by me.
So if anyone knows of any positions available in the Galveston county area, give me a call.
7:07 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Saturday, August 19, 2006
super happy fun time
so my 28th birthday is approaching fast, and for the first time in a really long time, I feel like I'm actually doing something. As in, if you were to come up to me 3 months ago, and say, "hey, keith, what's going on with you?" My answer would be, work, sleep, going out. Which is funa and all and pays the bills, but it's not doing anything. It's just existing. But now... ask me again.
Same question.
Go on, I'll wait.....
"Well, let's see.... I've been working a lot, you know, the usual stuff.. I'm also doing stand up comedy every week, and helping start a 4 person improv comedy troupe called "Jumping The Shark." You should come by... it's going to start mid september on thursday nights. Oh, and I've also been doing some voiceover work for industrial training videos, nothing big, but it's a little extra spending cash to have. I'm also trying to get everything arranged to complete a BA in Hotel and Restaurant Management through Art Institute of Pitttsburgh"
Isn't that so much more fun and interesting than:
"ehh... work, sleep...going out"
12:33 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment
Thursday, August 03, 2006
hey! macarena!
Current mood: crushed
So, i went to this website that tells you the number 1 song on any day in history (well, any day that they were recording #1 songs). The day I was born? Grease, by frankie valley. Here's the kicker. At the top of the page, it suggests to look up your "life's theme song", which is supposedly the #1 song on your 18th birthday. Mine? The freakin Macarena. that's kinda depressing.
11:15 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Sunday, July 30, 2006
those crazy neighborhood kids
So, when you were a kid, did you ever maybe accidentally break a neighbors window, or scratch their car, or something like that? And then your mom made you write that neighbor an apology note? or worse, make you read it to them?
Well, it looks like Mel Gibson's mom has had a very stern "talking to" with him. His
statement reads like a 10 year old kid telling his neighbor that he let the dog out again and it tore up all the tomato plants. It really should be preceded with, "Aw, mom, do I have to???"
I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm glad he's sorry. It's great that he has the testicular fortitude to admit when he's done wrong to the entire world, but...This is William Wallace. He's Martin Riggs. He's freaking Mad Max for crissake. I don't want some namby pamby apology. I want "I drank, aye. I droove, aye. And for that, I apologize. But what I did, I did for Scotland. FREEDOM!!!!!!"
or something along those lines.
3:24 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Friday, July 28, 2006
two things
Current mood: accomplished
first, i won the weekly open mic comedy night this week. $25 bucks and a chance to compete in a few weeks for $100.
second, Steven Seagal makes an energy drink. Or at least allows his name and picture to be put on one. It's not incredibly tasty, has about the same kick as any of the others, but... It's the only one I've ever found not made with high fructose corn syrup. It's sweetened entirely with "evaporated organic cane juice". So that's cool. You can actually taste the cane.
4:43 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
wow, is this stuff old
I heart tourists
Current mood: amused
Quote of The Day:
Three guys walk into a bar in galveston and ask "Do you have margarita flavored margaritas?"
This quote brought to you by your friends at the department of redundancy department.
4:46 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Current mood: dorky
so i have to work tomorrow. And it should be a fairly busy day... So i should be asleep right now. But instead i'm sitting in a movie theater in houston waiting for harry potter to start. I think it's worth it. I'll let you know for sure tomorrow.
9:36 PM - 5 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment
Saturday, June 30, 2007
quote of the day
Current mood: chipper
Tara: my breasts are great! Somebody should play with them!
6:38 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
first post
Current mood: bouncy
holy crap this thing is shiny. Performs just like advertised. Did i mention the shiny part?
6:37 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Friday, June 29, 2007
why I have no willpower
Current mood: ecstatic
one word. iphone.
5:26 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Chome, Chome, Chome..... bop-bop-a-lu-bop....Chome
The Toaster Song
Toaster, Oh Toaster You toast my bread just right
Toaster, Oh Toaster, You toast both day and nght
You toast it light, You toast it dark
Toast for a nice walk in the park
Toaster, oh Toaster, you toast my bread just right
Toaster, Oh toaster, you toast my bread so well
Opponents of my toaster can all just go to hell
With white, with wheat, with bagel round
I pick you up and can't put you down
Toaster, Oh toaster, you toast my bread so well
You make my bread so golden brown
I like to puch your lever down
And then I hear your dinging sound
You make me smile when I might frown
Toaster, oh Toaster I love your shiny chrome
Toaster, oh toaster, you look good in my home
Your cord it goes right in a plug
To me you are just like a drug
Toaster, oh Toaster I love your shiny chrome
Toaster, oh Toaster, I love your toasted bread
You are my only toaster when all is done and said
I'll never cheat, but if I will
It might be with that Foreman Grill (tm)
Toaster, Oh toaster, I love your toasted Bread
Your are the highlight of my morn
I wish that you could toast some corn
It is to you my love is sworn
I sometimes look at toaster porn....
Toaster, Oh Toaster You toast my bread just right
Toaster, Oh Toaster, You toast both day and nght
You toast it light, You toast it dark
Toast for a nice walk in the park
Toaster, oh Toaster, you toast my bread just right
5 points to anyone who recognizes where the subject of this blog comes from.
12:20 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Glass Pants and other musings
The deep philosophical question of the day is... if it is possible to burn someone in effigy, is it also possible to bake someone in effigy? And if so, does the effigy have to remain intact.... say someone... hypothetically of course.. were to make a bust of George Bush entirely out of meatloaf (I can get you a picture, hypothetically) and then squish the sculpture into a loaf shape and then bake it, would it still somehow contain the spirit of georgy boy? This is all assuming of course that Grandpa Simpson was right in that creating an image of someone captures them somehow ("You've stolen my soh-uhl!)
And now for something completely different:
Here's the lyrics to Glass Pants (to the tune of Save the Last dance)
Oh you know, how I love your ass
when it's encased in glass it shines just like a star
But you danced, while you wore glass pants
last night at the bar
Oh please don't wear those pants out, where all the guys are gonna see.
Oh darlin, save the glass pants for me
How I love, that they fit like a glove
they're molded to your butt
And how I care, bought Kevlar underwear
so you would not get cut
So please don't wear those pants out
I'm asking you on bended knee
Oh darlin, save the glass pants for me
I made them so that when you pee
They've got a little slot
Your golden showers over me
It makes me oh so hot
So please remember in whose face
it is that you are gonna pee
Oh darlin, save the glass pants for me
Whoa-whoa-whoa darlin, Save the glass pants for me
Oh yeah, darlin, save the glass pants for me.
11:39 AM - 4 Comments - 5 Kudos - Add Comment
Thursday, June 21, 2007
New Song
yes, that's right... another new song will be premiering this sunday at Gravity during the standup portion of the show. This one is a sweet little tune about love , jealousy, and chickens. Pretty soon I'll remember to either somehow record and post them aor at least put up the lyrics...
8:13 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Monday, May 28, 2007
people who wear glass pants, etc.
Ok, so the newest song to add to the lineup is Glass Pants, a sweet song about jealousy and buttocks. Come hear the premier this wednesday at The Lounge in Galveston
6:18 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Monday, May 14, 2007
Toaster, oh Toaster, you toast my bread just right.
Current mood: accomplished
Coming soon to a blog near you....
The Toaster Song
The Apple Pi Blues
Amadillo in Mourning.
3 exciting new songs by yours truly. To hear them, simply type "maps.google.com" into your web browser, figure out how to get your happy butt to Galveston, and come to one of my comedy shows... every sunday night at Gravity on the Strand, and starting next week, every 1st and 3rd wednesday at Boomba (The Lounge) also on the Strand.
11:09 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment
even older stuff
For those of you who don't know, I am a coffee geek. I am a coffee geek to the point that I have a cup of coffee tattooed on my body. Some people open a can of folgers and call it a morning. Some go a step further and buy good quality pre ground beans. Some brave souls make the process even more complicated by grinding their own whole roasted beans. I surpass all of that and buy green, unroasted coffee beans, roast them my self, then grind in a pavoni burr grinder, then brew in one of 6 or 7 different brewing methods that I own.
The result? A truly incredible, ethereal, proper cup of coffee... and a process that takes so much time that my lazy side kicks in and I end up going down to the local shop instead of having to go through that whole hassle. I've coffee snobbed my self beyond my own desire for coffee.
That being said, yesterday I was having a conversation wih miss Amy from Java's, bemoaning the lack of a good tanzanian peaberry anywhere near the island when I realized that it had been almost 2 years since I last roasted a coffee bean. So when I went home, I dug around, found my stash, and spent the next 2 hours roasting, sampling, peering, sniffing, listening, and anticipating the coming of monday... when I can finally brew the stuff. (did I mention that to get the proper taste, you're supposed to let the freshly roasted beans rest or "degas" for 24-48 hours. Otherwise the excess carbon dioxide interferes with the flavor)
So if you're bored on monday, come by the coffee shop.. I'm going to see if I can sneak in a pot of my stuff next to the house blend for everyone to try.
On the menu? 3 different roasts of Kauai Estate Reserve, and a french roast of '00 Dominican Republic Montana Verde Estate.
9:35 AM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Team Nasty Goes Down!!!
6:22 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
On The Toad Again
Words by Keith Martin
On the toad again, just can't wait to get on the toad again
livin' life is lickin' tree frogs with my friends
I can't wait to get on the toad again
On the toad again, seeing things that have not ever been
getting high while i am lickin a frogs skin
I can't wait to get on the toad again
On the toad again, just can't wait to get on that toad again
living life like hunter thompson and his friends
I can't wait to get on the toad again
On the toad again, seeing colors, bugs and spiders on the highway
will it ever end??? Oh my god I tthink that they are crawling my way, crawling my way
On the toad again, just can't wait to get on the toad again
seeing things that have not ever, ever been
and I can't wait to get on the toad again
I can't wait to get on the toad again
8:00 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment
Monday, August 27, 2007
word of the day
Current mood: waiting to get brunk
brunk: (Adj.) drunk in the morning, either leftover from the night before, or starting fresh in the morning. Usage: "dude, I got like 2 hours of sleep. I am so freaking brunk." "hey, do you want to get some bloody mary's, maybe get a little brunk?"
origin: a contraction consisting of the words brunch (or breakfast) and drunk. From the galveston English.
New word courtesy of brian ramm
7:17 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Current mood: groggy
5:42 Am. At work after the second night in a row of 3.5-4 hours of sleep. I used to do this all the time, right?
3:41 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
There's a dial on the side, and you make your selection...
Current mood: accomplished
So, on Sunday I decided to wander around the antique shops. Not until I got to one and started perusing did I realize that I had a goal. I was looing around at stuff like I always do, and kept noticing myself graviting towards shiny things with rounded corners and cords and plugs. Irons, old popcorn poppers, old radios.... and then I saw it. A 60's era Sunbeam all chrome Toaster. For $10. How can you pass that up? So I got it. And I polished it. And I figured out a way to make the cord into a neck strap. And I got some forks. And I practiced. And at Gravity on Sunday night, I performed "Yeah, Toast" by Heywood Banks. Fricking Awesome.
6:29 PM - 7 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment
Saturday, August 11, 2007
ranting is therapeutic
Current mood: aggravated
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Ok folks, here's the deal...
Why is it that people can't seem to understand the concept that if want to stay employed, you have to show up for work... not just sometimes, not every now and again, not 15, 20, 30 minutes, an hour late. You show up ontime, everyday, without question, comment or excuse. Every day I deal with this mentality that the system, the government, the corporate fear of lawsuits will protect you if you decide that you want to stay home. And i'm not a total ass, i understand that sometimes, shit happens. Babies get sick, cars break down, people die, etc... but they don't do it every week.
"But mr keith, my dog ate my baby and my alarm clock was sick and leprechauns stole my car keys while a unicorn shoved it's horn up my ass and inflamed my hemmorhoids and gave me explosive diarhea..... so I really couldn't come in"
"Again? Didn't that happen last week?"
"No, last week my leprechaun stole my baby, my dog ate my unicorn, my alarm clock had hemmorhoids and my car keys were sick with the explosive diarhea."
I DON"T FRIGGIN CARE. Because when it comes down to it, however valid or emotional or disgusting the sob story is, no matter how fantastic a worker you are, you're no good to me if you're at home. You're no good to the 20 other people you just screwed over if you're at home. You're no good to the 500 customers who will get their breakfast late when you're at home. You may be able to simultaneously fix a broken oven, make 250 chicken cordon bleus, and wash my car, all while crapping perfect chocolate eclairs and whistling dixie, but if you're not here, it doesn't matter. You're useless.
So kids, show up. If you're not dead or bleeding beyond the capacity of a normal bath towel, show up. Unless you don't want to work for me any more...
10:41 AM - 6 Comments - 7 Kudos - Add Comment
Friday, July 27, 2007
gravy math
Current mood: amused
So today I made 30 gallons of gravy. 30 freaking gallons of gravy! That's a lot of gravy... you wanna know how much gravy that really is???
That's enough gravy to fill my fishtank with.
That's enough gravy to take a bath in.
That amount of gravy, if it were gasoline, would get from here to austin and back.
The calories in that amount of gravy, 59,520, are enough for a 175 lb. bicycle rider going 15 mph. to travel from Houston to Chicago.
That's 238.189 BTU's of gravy
That same gravy, spread in a 1/4 inch layer, would be enough gravy to cover a chicken fried steak that was 12 by 18 feet.
That's more than 250 lbs. of gravy.
And it'll all be gone by monday.
4:31 PM - 6 Comments - 3 Kudos - Add Comment
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my froonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon,
See if I don't!
Currently reading :
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 25th Anniversary Edition
By Douglas Adams
Release date: 03 August, 2004
4:03 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Thursday, July 12, 2007
A legendary ass
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life
so, once in a while, there comes along an ass that is so incredible, so beautiful, that poems, songs, and blogs are written about it.
My Pappaw had that ass, and her name was Jenny Lynn.
Jenny Lynn, named after the Swedish opera star, Jenny Lind, was born somewhere around 1974, and was purchased by my grandfather in 1976, when my brother was 1. It was almost a rite of passage in my family to go out to the back pasture and ride jenny around in circles. I can still remember being about 6 and watching my sister take her first ride. Even a late as a few years ago, the great-grandkids got to take a turn.
Jenny was originally a plow animal, and was so well trained on that that when you would go out to visit hwr, she would walk exactly 5 feet behind you, the length of the lead rope my Pappaw used on her. Even when she got too old to plow, she would get upset if she wasn't hooked up to the harness and taken around a few times (through some very soft dirt) at least once or twice a season.
Jenny Lynn died this morning. And so I would like all of you to go out to your favorite establishment and raise a glass... beer, wine, iced tea... It doesn't matter, to the best donkey a kid could ever know, Jenny Lynn.
Rest in peace Jenny. We will all miss you.
8:53 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
more old stuff
Join The Toaster Revolution!
Ok, for those of you who haven't made it to an open mic, who have been reading the lyrics, who have been longing, nay, yearning for the chance to hear one of Keith's songs actually performed, without leaving the comfort of your own computer desk, here's your chance.
Check out www.myspace.com/toasterrevolution. Be my friend. Help toasters everywhere rise up against their evil human oppressors and finally achieve their true place as the rulers of us all.
2:34 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
We're off to see the betsy
ladies and gentlemen... All of you former university chorus/ concert chorale/ encore/ coro members, coming up march 4th at 730 pm, university mens and womens choruses will be performing... Our favorite blonde bombshell conductor, Dr. Betsy Weber will be conducting, and we need to make an appearance enmasse. It's time to see a show, go somewhere afterwards, and catch up. We all live in the same freaking city, so let's do this. Call me, 7135409881, if you can make it.
Keith (AKA hippy Jesus)
6:08 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Friday, February 08, 2008
its been a while
since i wrote a new song... and now the wait is over.
To a familiar George Strait tune:
Chorus: All my Exs have new sexes.
Yeah all the girls I've loved are now standing up to pee
All my ex's have new sexes.
They're shaving every morning just like me.
V.1 : Well Rhoda down in navasota, her name's now Nash
And sweet melissa was a real good kisser, but now she's got a mustache
And Judy, a real cutie, she goes by Rob
And Andrea, well you can see her Adam's apple bob.
V.2: I remember all the good times we used to share
But it's not as nice when the girl you like has lots of facial hair
My dreams are smashed so I'll go get smashed and think about the day
When I can find a girl of mine who wont be a man someday....
8:56 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Old and busted??? Naw... New Hotness!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls...
Once again I come to you bringing tidings of joy and work. Beginning February 18, 2008, you will be reading the blog of, Keith Martin, General Manager of the new and exciting downtown Houston Hotspot, the GrumBar and Grill, located at 306 Main Street. We will be opening in March, and I sincerely hope you will all find some time to come visit me in this new venture. I'll give you all more details about opening day and such as soon as I get them.
Oh, did I mention I don't live in Galveston anymore? (what? keith crossed the causeway? and not just to visit? that's crazy talk!) No, No, no crazy talk here. Just moved in this weekend off of Westheimer and Wilcrest. So for all you Houstonians, give me a call... Come visit... We'll do lunch.... maybe at the GrumBar and Grill, soon to be opening at 306 Main in fabulous downtown Houston. :)
10:07 PM - 14 Comments - 13 Kudos - Add Comment
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Cease and desist.
Join together with people of like mind to create something, and enjoy it aurally.
Water in its solid state has returned with a never before seen technological creation.
An unknown creature has affixed itself to me with the power and stamina of a harpoon. Night and day both come and still it holds.
Whether or not I will ever escape baffles me, but if you extinguish all sources of light, I will bio-luminesce.
Like the Germanic tribe that sacked Rome in 455 CE, I sing viciously.
I will take away the darkness from the performance arena and extinguish someone life as easily as I blow out a candle.
Quickly, proceed to the source of sound with the low frequency, because I am having the same effect on your mental abilities as a psychocyblin fungus.
My music will kill you, and it would be a crime to play anything but the most perfect examples.
You may enjoy my music, you may not, but eat heartily and aim your darts carefully for the center of the board, because I have not come here to toy with you.
If you have encountered some difficulties, I will be able to resolve them.
Now, please take a moment to observe the following chorus that is being played by my dear friend on his turntables.
ice ice baby. da nah nah nah nana nah nah.
8:06 AM - 4 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment
Friday, December 28, 2007
on a lighter note
here's my other possible entry
lights flash. bass beats boom
marine mammals dance. just stop
clubbing baby seals
10:57 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment
to the kids
An environmental group in houston is having a Haiku contest. Here is my probable entry.
To the kids of Southbend.
Monsanto dumps waste.
Kid's playground bubbles with sludge
Superfund: Brio
Children play near the remains of toxic cancer.
Superfund: Brio
Wasted lives. Despair
Defects and Leukemia.
Superfund: Brio
Hush money is paid
Cash that doesn't bring back lives
Superfund: Brio
Site is declared clean?
New home construction begins!
Superfund: Brio.
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Tuesday, December 25, 2007
In honor of the season
Once upon a time... okay, it was 1983... Bill and Maude were sitting in their living room discussing what the weather would be like on Christmas day. Bill said it would snow, and Maude said it would rain. For hours and hours, the debate raged on and on. Bill would pull up weather.com, show maude the paper, the farmers almanac, the weather channel, all of which indicated snow on christmas. Maude just smiled, and said, "Rain"
Finally, Bill, tired of arguing, said, "Tell me Maude, how is it that you know for certain that it will rain?" Maude replied that when she was at the grocery store, she had run into Rudolph Stepanovich, the famed Soviet meteorologist who had just defected and moved into town. Rudy and she had had a long conversation, become fast friends, and because she now trusted him, and he had said it would rain, she was sticking to her position.
Bill still refused to believe her until the next morning, Christmas morning, when they got up to open presents, and it was pouring. Bill was astounded, flabbergasted even, and he turned to his wife and apologized for doubting her and her new friend. Maude just looked at him and replied, "Don't be so upset... after all, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
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Monday, December 03, 2007
a great ass.... a reprise.
so this past weekend I went to east texas for the family christmas party.... and i went for a walk in the "back 40" to show sarah the land and to see jenny lind's grave. (for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, read my past blogs for something about a great ass) Apparently, something (coyote, feral dog, zombie... who knows) had gotten hungry and dug into her grave. So i spent an hour or so putting things back the way they needed to be and making a marker, etc. It was..... i don't know what it was. but i'm almost glad it happened because i got to spend some time out there, got to take part in my version of her funeral, got to mark her grave... i blew smoke over the spot and sprinkled tobacco and made a cross out of sticks and berries and fall leaves and pinecones and said goodbye to one of the greatest animals I've ever met. Like i said in the earlier blog abut her, she was a dear friend, a family member, and I hate the fact that no other glenn family members will ever get a chance to meet her, but she will live on in stories around the woodstove, and in 42 games, and at christmas and reunions and everytime any of us get together.
once again, rest in peace, Jenny. We all loved you.
9:16 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Yet once again
so once more, team jones reigns supreme. Will team nasty ever come back? Find out on the next episode of " scene it challenge"
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So, Mr./Mrs. black SUV, Texas license 745-PVT... learn some manners. May all the forces of Karmic retribution come to roost on your pretty little gas guzzler and not on you yourself.
my grandfather (Bappaw) passed away this morning. He was, and will always be, the greatest man I have ever known. He was strong... he could put in a full day of work at the Co-op, come home, take care of all of the chores that what amounted to a small farm required, and still find time and energy to chase the grandkids aound the kitchen, or take us fishing, or show us how to sharpen a pocketknife. He was intelligent... a man with no real formal education who could dismantle a motor in minutes, visualize a complex toy and then carve it out of a stick, fix anything that was broken just by looking at it... tapping a few times, moving some bits around, then grabbing the baling wire and going to work. He could tell you three moves into a game of 42 what dominoes you had and who was gong to win the game. The man had a sparkle in his eye that was always there, and usually meant mischief of some kind (mostly in the form of a surreptitious toe-pinch under the breakfast table). There was no one, human or animal, that he didn't instantly get along with.
Some of my favorite times at his house were in the early early mornings. I was a light sleeper, and so when he would get up at his usual 6 oclock to make coffee and toast, I would get up as well. We would pour a few bowls of grapenuts, sip coffee while he waited for his grapenuts to get soft enough to chew... I would sometimes read... There was never really any conversation until the others started to rise. Just me and him, sitting in the same place at the same time in the early morning hours listening to the world wake up through the kitchen window. We'd sometimes go out and feed Jenny Lynn (See previous post about the worlds greatest ass) and the other animals, he'd show me how to brush jenny down and make her coat look the best it could.
We will miss him. I will miss him. Bappaw, you made me the man I am today and I love you very much.
You know, a few times in a lifetime, there comes along a video game that is so good, so well crafted, so interesting that it makes you want to buy the console just to play it. This is not that game. But, it sure looks like fun
Ok kids, it's now that time. The one you've been all trembling in anticipation for. The one that explains all your pins and needles. You can finally get rid of that bated breath. Trepidation be gone. Shall I go on?
I will
Ladies and Gentlemen, Goys and Burls. Kiddos of all ages (at least before 9 pm)... This thursday, March 27th, I am proud to present the opening (not the grand opening... that comes later) of GrumBar and Grill, located at 306 Main Street, Houston, TX 77002. Come on by for superlative sustenance and lucious libations. Open 11am-2am Thursday-Saturday, closed Sunday, open 11am-2pm Monday-Wednesday. If you need to know how to get here, google it, because I can't get the map link to work right...
So I know that at some point or another, you've thought to yourself, "There goes that hoopy Keith. Now there's a frood who really knows where his towel is. I wonder what it would be like to work for him."
Now's your chance.
I am looking for people who want to work for me. I need bartenders, cooks, waitstaff, bus/dish.... basically everything. So maybe you live in the houston area and want to work downtown. Maybe you have some experience. Maybe your current job doesn't include such wonderfully fun things like tips. Maybe you know someone (brother, sister, cousin, friend) who is looking for gainful employment. Maybe you want to give me a call..... 7135409881.
The scientists are sitting down, organizing the parade, deciding who should be placed where in the lineup. The first three are Nietsche, Heidegger, and Kant, but a debate arises as to where to put Descartes and Mr. Ed. Half of the scientists want Descartes to be the finale, citing his greater reputation and more pragmatically, his tendency towards stumbling. If he's last, he won't trip anyone else if he falls. The other scientists think that Mr. Ed, being the only equine philosopher, deserved the final honor. Finally, the Mr. Ed team wins out. The parade goes on, thousands of people gather, cheering this miracle of modern technology. Sure enough though, just as the parade passes the main grandstands, Rene falls, tripping Mr. Ed and breaking his leg. Mr. Ed has to be put down, putting quite a damper on the festivities.
The moral of this story?
Don't put Descartes before the horse!
You may chastise me for wasting your time at the next available opportunity :)
Speaking of the sidewalks, I have great tires. Street slicks designed for the sole purpose of going fast on concrete. And you would think, since the sidewalks and roads are made of concrete, I'd be golden, right? Not so much. I jumped over, swerved around, and slid through more cracks, potholes, mud patches and puddles than I've ever had the pleasure of attempting off-road.
But, I made it. An hour and a half to go from just inside the loop to just outside the beltway. I've made a lot worse time in a car on 59 before. So I'll buy some new knobby tires, invest in some shocks, get some lights and reflectors and the like, and then tomorrow? Go east!


text:
Bureaucratic bungling, legislative inaction and a lack of funding have hampered Colorado's efforts to enforce the state's immigration laws.
In July 2006, Republican Gov. Bill Owens hauled the legislature into a special session to seek ways to prevent state tax dollars from aiding illegal immigrants.
After passing a dozen laws, Owens and Democratic legislative leaders declared victory. They said they passed the toughest package of laws in the nation. Owens said as many as 50,000 illegal immigrants would be purged from state welfare rolls.
But a year later, most state agencies have not aggressively enforced those laws, and there's scant evidence that the laws have done anything to deter spending taxpayer money on benefits to illegal immigrants.
"They only scratched the surface," said Sen. David Schultheis, R-Colorado Springs. "We had a reluctant legislative majority trying to put something in place that looked like it was going to be extremely effective but which only had minimum effectiveness."
House Speaker Andrew Romanoff, D-Denver, countered that the federal government hampers state efforts to deal with illegal immigration.
"I said all along the test of our success is not how many laws we pass or how many press conferences we hold or how much noise we make, but how many problems we solve," he said.
Many considered the session an exercise in high-stakes political theater during an election year. A year later, the drama does not have a happy ending. Rather, it just fades out.
The landmark bill of the session – House Bill 1023 – imposed tougher ID requirements to get state aid. Instead, state departments have reported spending $2 million to comply with the law, without showing a reduction in the demand for services.
A survey of state agencies has found that most of the other new laws have not been rigorously enforced:
The Colorado Department of Labor and Employment has not audited any of the state's 153,000 employers to make sure they are keeping copies of proper documents from new workers.
The Office of Information Technology submitted its required report last fall on providing a database for employers to check a prospective worker's residency status – but lawmakers failed to act on it.
The Colorado Department of Regulatory Agencies has not revoked a professional license because of legal residency issues. The department has just four investigations pending. DORA's Division of Registrations oversees about 290,000 licensees.
The Office of Economic Development and International Trade has required only four companies receiving tax incentives to certify that none of their workers are illegal immigrants.
The Colorado Department of Corrections does not have a single offender behind bars for the newly created or tougher felonies of immigration extortion, involuntary servitude and voting by persons not entitled to vote.
One of the centerpiece laws of the special session was an effort aimed at employers of illegal immigrants. House Bill 1017 requires employers to keep copies of documents provided by new workers to prove their legal residence in the U.S.
That law also gives the Colorado Department of Labor and Employment the power to conduct random audits of employers. More than a year later, not a single employer has been audited.
The problem: Instead of assigning the duty of conducting audits to the department's Division of Labor as called for in the bill, the Owens administration gave the job to the department's investigations and enforcement unit.
"My investigative unit was well- schooled and already teed up and ready to go," said Rick Grice, executive director of the department under Owens.
Grice said that choice was a sign of how important the matter was to the Owens administration. Still, the unit never audited an employer to verify compliance with the new law.
The department's new director, Don Mares, re-assigned the duties to the Division of Labor this year. The division has sent notices to employers and posted an explanation of the law on its website. It has not conducted an audit.
The lack of enforcement of the special session's new laws is part of a pattern.
In November, lawmakers chided Republican Attorney General John Suthers for failing to enforce an anti-forgery law aimed at illegal immigrants. Suthers blamed a lack of funding.
Suthers tried to get extra money this year to enforce the law, but lawmakers failed to provide the money.
Without funding, the attorney general is relying on referrals from district attorneys, but so far none have been made, said Nate Strauch, spokesman for Suthers.
"We can pass laws, but it takes resources and effective enforcement to make them work," Romanoff said. "If departments are struggling to understand the laws or to enforce them, then we should help them."
Staff writer Jennifer Brown contributed to this report.
Staff writer Mark P. Couch can be reached at 303-954-1794 or firstname.lastname@example.com.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
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What does Islam say about PAUL? MARY MAG?
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: Interfaith Dialogue
Forum Discription: It is for Interfaith dialogue, where Muslims discuss with non-Muslims. We encourge that dialogue takes place in a cordial atmosphere on various topics including religious tolerance.
URL: http://www.IslamiCity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=4165
Printed Date: 21 February 2018 at 7:09am
Topic: What does Islam say about PAUL? MARY MAG?
Posted By: Bismarck
Subject: What does Islam say about PAUL? MARY MAG?
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text:
Classic Czechoslovakian kolache pastry, with a poppy seed filling. Minnesota style, the pastry is folded up on itself.
- 4 to 4-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 package active dry yeast
- 1/2 teaspoon ground mace or ground nutmeg
- 1 cup milk
- 1/2 cup butter
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 2 eggs
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 teaspoon lemon zest
- Canned poppy seed filling (or make your own*)
- Raisins (optional)
- 1 egg
- 1 Tbsp milk
*Poppyseed filling (if you want to make your own filling, otherwise, you can use canned)
- 1 cup poppy seed
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1/4 cup honey
- 1/3 cup chopped dates
- 1/3 cup chopped nuts
- Dash of cinnamon
1 In a large mixing bowl combine 2 cups of the flour, the yeast, and nutmeg or mace; set aside.
2 In a medium saucepan heat and stir the 1 cup milk, the 1/2 cup butter, the granulated sugar, and salt just until warm (120 degree F to 130 degree F) and butter almost melts. Add milk mixture to dry mixture along with the two eggs and vanilla extract. Beat with an electric mixer on low to medium speed for 30 seconds, scraping side of bowl constantly. Beat on high speed for 3 minutes. Stir in lemon zest and as much of the remaining flour as you can.
3 Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead in enough of the remaining flour to make a moderately soft dough that is smooth and elastic (3 to 5 minutes total). Place dough in a lightly greased bowl, turning once to grease the surface. Cover; let rise in a warm place until double in size (for 1 to 1-1/2 hours).
4 If you are making the poppy seed filling from scratch, combine the filling ingredients in a saucepan. Cook over low heat until it thickens, stirring often. Set filling aside to cool.
5 Punch dough down. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Divide dough in half. Cover; let rest 10 minutes. Grease 2 baking sheets.
6 Roll each dough half into a 16x8 inch rectangle, about an 1/8 inch thick. Cut each rectangle into 8 4x4 squares. Place a large, heaping tablespoon of poppy seed filling onto the center of each square. If you want, add a few raisins to the top of the filling. Brush the four corners of each square with water. Draw the corners up and gently press together. Secure with a toothpick. Place on well greased baking sheets, 2 inches apart. Cover; let rise in a warm place until nearly double (about 35 minutes).
7 Brush with an egg wash made with one egg beaten with a tablespoon of milk. Bake in a 375 degree F oven for 12 to 15 minutes or until golden. Transfer to wire racks; cool completely. Remove toothpicks.


text:
This billboard is near Chinatown.
Nah, it's my wallpaper. Ha!
Thanks Mike.
Friday, July 17, 2009
THIS IS MY TOWN: Roberto
2 comments:
- Dodgerlicious83 said...
- July 17, 2009 at 10:19 AM
- Falling LEAVes said...
there's a new one up by the coffee house my friends and I go to every Sunday. I'll try and get a picture of it this week. It's four guys, so I'm assuming it's a band. Just not sure what
- July 18, 2009 at 1:04 AM
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text:
The words 'energy crisis' are being bandied about by politicians and the media. Most people don't need to be told that there's some sort of energy crisis. Most people can see that every time they put gas in their car or pay their heating bill. Every year, there are dire predictions that heating costs will be even higher, especially in areas that are hit very hard with winter, and every year, those dire predictions come true. Some people are not feeling the pressure yet, but others have already began to wonder just how they're going to keep their homes heated, how they're going to take care of their children, and how they're going to get through the winter. In a lot of cases, it might be beneficial to go back to basics, so to speak, and instead of paying huge gas and electric bills, consider using wood stoves to heat your home. You can even use wood stoves in smaller living spaces, like apartments, lofts, and condos.
Wood stoves are easily installed and easily used in almost any home. You don't need to have a special chimney already, but you do need to install a special stove pipe to safely exhaust the smoke. A wood stove used in conjunction with a fan will be enough to heat a fairly good sized area. If you invest in wood before the winter season begins, you will probably safe money throughout the seasons. It will require a decent investment up front, but it will pay off in the long run. Wood stoves come in a variety of different sizes and styles, so you should be able to find the one that best suits your purposes, your home, and your decor. If you already have a wood stove, you might be interested in finding out more about accessories, including protective fences, fans, and other items. If you have small children or pets, looking into the different appropriate accessories and protective items is an easy way to keep everybody safe.
If you are looking into using a wood stove, please check out our learning center to find more articles and information about stoves. If you already have one and need accessories, we'll have updates with that sort of information on a regular basis. Questions or comments should be directed to our customer service, and they'll be able to answer or respond to any concerns you might have.


text:
Academy Author Index
Last Updated: 11/01/2007
Amazon [Incomplete]
When Queen Terrine took Roman prisoners, she didn't know she was getting more than she bargined for.
Part 1
Starlight, Starbright [Incomplete]
Two worlds collide on accident but the results are long lasting.
Part 1
Simply Magical [Incomplete]
The fifth Princess is supposed to be the most beautiful of all but when the fairies are involved, nothing goes as planned.
Part 1


text: So for the longest time I've just had my rod tubes (5) leaning up against the back of my guest bedroom closet. Most times I grab one, I've got to make sure the rest don't come crashing down. It got me thinking… does anybody make a decent rack for holding fly rod tubes? Maybe even something of a display rack? I'm looking it up on the web, but everything I see is for holding/displaying the actual rod. That's not what I want. I've got a small house with low ceilings and nothing like that would work. Plus, I just want to be able to grab the thing and go. I think it would be cool to have a nice wooden rack holding up your rod tubes situated next to your tying desk. It would make for a good wood working project if I was more experienced with that. Not to mention a good money maker if somebody was entrepreneurial enough. Anybody seen or know of anything like that? Thanks.


text:
Health Matters: New Status for Nurse Practitioners
Day after day, Arlene Wright has a full caseload of patients.
She and her fellow nurse practitioners are on the front lines of the health care system, providing clinical services in the midst of a shortage of primary care doctors.
"I think that's very important for people to know who they are seeing. A medical assistant or LPN usually gets their vital signs, the nurse practitioner then comes in and takes care of listening to their complaints and assessing them and ordering any tests," says Arlene Wright, nurse practitioner with Lee Memorial System.
As health care changes, so does the role of the practitioner. They have already achieved an advanced nursing degree, but soon getting into the field will take a PhD.
By 2015 entry-level nurse practitioners will have a doctorate degree. This added number of high-level medical professionals is sorely needed, as the demand for services goes up.
"Because we are in now the Affordable Care Act, that's going to bring so many uninsured patients that will be insured, into our system," says Wright.
It's estimated the US will need 52,000 more physicians in 2025. Fueled by an aging population and the rise in chronic ailments- like obesity. Which brought 71-year-old Pat Rogers here.
"Because I need somebody watching me and weighing me and checking on me. Because I can slide off very easily," says Pat Rogers, patient.
"Our focus now, instead of being curative is really going on to be wellness. If we can intervene in that area, patients are less likely to end up in the hospital," says Wright.
While your nurse may be a doctor- there are distinct differences. Their doctorate will be in nursing, not medicine. And they can't use the title doctor in a health care setting. But get used to seeing them; they may be the answer to your health care needs.
For the latest in health & wellness 'like' Amy Oshier Health Matters on facebook


text:
Bell X1
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|Pop / Rock
This Dublin, Eire-based indie rock quartet take their name from the first aeroplane to break the sound barrier, which was piloted by Chuck Yeager and memorably documented in Tom Wolfes book The Right Stuff. Bell X1 was formed from the ashes of the unsuccessful indie band Juniper who ground to a halt in 1999 following an abortive spell on a major label. Paul Noonan (vocals, guitar, drums), Dominic Phillips (bass), David Geraghty (guitar, keyboards) and Brian Crosby (guitar, keyboards) continued without former bandmate Damien Rice, adopting their new moniker and recording an album with bass player Nick Seymour (ex-Crowded House). Neither Am I, which was released in 2000, offered an impressively melodic spin on the standard indie rock format and helped establish Bell X1 in their homeland. The members of the band then spent several months engaged in session work for a range of other artists, before reconvening Bell X1 to begin work on an album for their new label...


text:
Handling Digital Brains
A Laboratory Study of Multimodal Semiotic Interaction in the Age of Computers
Publication Year: 2011
Published by: The MIT Press
Series: Inside Technology
Title Page, Copyright, Dedication
This book reports on my walks through the laboratories of cognitive neuroscience that use functional magnetic resonance imaging technology as their primary mean of investigation. I am grateful to the inhabitants of those spaces who opened their everyday life to my visits: the cognitive neuroscientists at...
1. In the fMRI Laboratory
It is 2002, and we are in a cognitive neuroscience laboratory at the University of California, San Diego. There, we encounter two researchers seated in front of a computer screen (figure 1.1). One of them, the laboratory director, Paul (a professor with a distinguished record of publishing and teaching in the field...
2. fMRI Brain Visuals as Fields for Interaction
fMRI brain visuals are signs in a very straightforward sense: Cognitive neuroscientists observe the human brain and its processes by consulting its fMRI renderings. Alan Gross (2008: 281) has suggested that the character of fMRI brain visuals should be understood in terms of indexical signs. In his proposal...
3. fMRI Brain Imaging and the Experience of Sound
In cognitive neuroscience laboratories fMRI visuals are engaged in a multimodal manner. This multimodal engagement regards the bodily conduct involved in working and interacting with digital screens. fMRI practitioners do not only inspect brain scans by passively posing their gazes on the surfaces...
4. fMRI Brain Visuals and Semiotic Bodies
To continue to unpack the claim that digital scientific visuals are fields for interaction, this chapter focuses on semiotic bodies. The discussion is grounded in two excerpts from an interaction where the fMRI practitioners are involved in reading brain visuals as a part of work and apprenticeship activity. Whereas...
5. The Semiotic Mind in the fMRI Laboratory
Reconceptualizing fMRI brain visuals as fields for interaction has consequences for the understanding of thinking in the laboratory. The fMRI researchers' skill to see certain concrete and spatially represented biological phenomena is not confined to an individual brain but is a gradual achievement that involves...
6. Materiality of Digital Brains
Rather than dealing with biological matter, fMRI practitioners spend long hours in front of computer screens working with "digital brains." This allows them to engage with their experimental data in an embodied manner. Because fMRI scans function as Peirce's iconic signs, they generate effects of similarity...
7. Publishing fMRI Visuals
Throughout this book I have been suggesting that fMRI visuals are fields scientists actively engage with, rather than pictures and images they simply look at. By foregrounding the human hands as essential elements of scientific visuals, I have described how, during data analysis sessions, fMRI visuals do...
8. Conclusion
Image Plates
Print-ISBN-13: 9780262015684
Page Count: 218
Illustrations: 46 b&w illus.
Publication Year: 2011
Series Title: Inside Technology
See more Books in this Series
MUSE Marc Record: Download for Handling Digital Brains


text:
This game is a co-creation, born of the blending of ideas by myself and Dr Sallyann Freudenberg. The earliest version was the Flow Experiment which I ran at SPA in 2010. Sal was in the audience that day, and liked the concept, but found the equations a little tedious and requiring too much effort, which took away form the primary learning objectives. She wasn't the only one! She went away and reworked it using Lego rather than maths, making it much more fun, and last year (2013) we were able to run it together. The version described below is the result of some minor tweaks since then.
The Lego Flow Game is a fun exercise to compare and contrast different approaches to processes, with respect to how work flows. The aim of the game is to build Lego Advent Calendar items, with a defined workflow: finding the next advent calendar number (analysis), finding the matching set of lego pieces (supply), creating the lego item (build) and checking the item has been built correctly and robustly (accept). There are specialist roles for each stage in the workflow – analysis, suppliers, builders and acceptors – as well as an overall manager, and some market representatives. The game is run three times, each for a different type of process – batch and phase driven, time-boxed and flow-based.
As a facilitator, you'll need to download:
- Instructional Slides
- Results Spreadsheet
Each team (consisting of at least 5 people) will need to have:
- 1 Lego Advent Calendar kit, with 24 door numbers cut individually, and the equivalent sets of 24 pieces, broken up and individually bagged.
- Blank index cards (around 50)
- 1 stapler (with staples!)
- 1 ball of BluTac
- 3 metrics sheets (1 for each round) – use the hidden slide in the deck
- 2 pens or sharpies
- Stopwatch
The Workflow
To begin, all 24 advent calendar doors should be shuffled and stacked in a single pile, and all 24 bags of Lego should be in an unsorted pile or bag. The Lego flows through the process, with roles performing their work as follows:
The Analysts needs to have the stack of shuffled doors, the index cards, a pen and the BluTac. They find the next number in the pile of doors, starting at 1 and progressing in increasing numeric order. When they find it, they write that number on the top of an index card, stick the door to the index card below the number with the instructional picture (i.e. the reverse side from the number) facing up, and then pass it to the Supplier (as defined by the policies for each round)
The Supplier needs access to the bags of Lego pieces, and the stapler. For each index card received from the Analyst, they find the bag of Lego that matches the picture on the card, staple the bag to the index card, and pass to the Builder (as defined by the policies for each round)
The Builder needs the index card, with the instructional picture and the corresponding bag of lego pieces attached. They build the Lego item for the pieces in the bag attached, as defined by the instructional picture on that card, and pass to the Acceptor (as defined by the policies for each round)
The Acceptor receives the index card with the instructional picture and the completed Lego item. They check that the Lego item exactly matches the picture on the index card. Exactly means that all heads, bodies and legs are facing in same direction and items are placed or positioned correctly. Additionally, they check for the robustness and quality of the build, such as whether all the pieces have been pushed together sufficiently. Assuming that the Lego items are correct and robust, then they can be considered Done, otherwise they are rejected. Each round will have different policies regarding what happens to rejected items.
The Manager will need a stopwatch (unless the facilitator does all the timing), the metrics sheets and a pen. Their role is to keep and eye on the process and ensure that no rules or policies are being broken. They may also keep time for their team, stopping and starting the rounds and letting the group know how much time they have left. However, we tend to do this centrally as facilitators. Finally, the Manager captures metrics by counting how many items are in each stage of the process every 30 seconds, filling that number into the metrics sheets. The number of items includes all items, whether queued, being worked on, or ready for handing on to the next stage. Note that the number of items 'Done' is incremental so will never decrease.
This role is optional, but can be useful if there are lots of observers. We have noticed that Acceptors often allow items that we would have rejected because they want their team to do well. Therefore, having a few people independent of the teams to double check the quality, may help highlight this, and generate a discussion on quality and fitness for market. Ask for some volunteers to represent the market and instruct them privately (e.g. while the first round is in progress) to check the Done items and highlight any that they consider unfit for the market. Any poor quality items should be highlighted at the end of the round.
The Rounds
Before each round, explain the particular process policies that you are putting in place, as follows:
Batch and Stage Driven (Waterfall-like)
This is a single six-minute round. Teams should be given a pre-defined number of items that has been set as the expected target (we use 5), and that this number of items (i.e. the whole batch) must be completed in each stage, before being passed in their entirety to the next stage. Thus the Analyst must find and process all 5 doors before all 5 completed index cards are passed to the Supplier, and so on. Stages are independent, with roles being specialist skills, so workers may not help each other. Any work which is sub-standard and rejected is stuck where it is – it is expected that all the right work is done to the right quality level first time.
Time-Boxed (Scrum-like)
This time, there are 3 sets of 2 minute time-boxes. Before each new time-box begins each team should estimate/plan how many items they can complete within that time-box, and at the end they should review/retrospect how they did against their estimate/plan. We find 30 seconds should be sufficient for this quick discussion. When the time-box starts, as each item is completed in a stage it may be immediately passed to the next stage – there is no need to wait for the whole batch to be completed. Primary specialisms still apply, but now teams can be more collaborative and help each other if there is nothing for them to do in their stage. Because of this teamwork, rejected work can now be passed back and improved. At the end of a time-box, if there are partially completed items they can be kept and continued to be worked during the next time-box begins. If a team completes all their estimated work, they may take further work in, but only when all the items are accepted as done. Encourage teams to keep to the spirit of Scrum by planning on working only on what they feel they can complete in 2 minutes rather than starting more work than they should knowing that they can continue it.
Flow-Based (Kanban-like)
This is another single six-minute round again. There is no need to estimate how many items can be done, but instead a WIP limit of one item per stage is introduced. This limit includes both items being worked on and those completed and ready for work in the next stage. Thus a basic pull system is created, such that only when a stage is empty may it pull a ready item from the preceding stage. For example, when a Supplier has finished their work on an item (e.g. door 3), they cannot pull and begin work on the next item from the Analyst upstream (door 4), until the Builder downstream has pulled and begun work on their completed item (door 3). As in the time-boxed round, primary specialisms still apply although team-members may help each other if there is nothing in their phase. Similarly, rejected work can be passed back.
After each round, gather up the metrics sheets and quickly enter the numbers in the spreadsheet. We have found it useful to have a different file per group. While the numbers are being entered, the teams can tidy up their tables ready for the next round, including returning all the advent doors back to the shuffled pile. This is so that that the Analysts job doesn't get easier as the number of cards decreases.
Teams can also discuss what worked and what was challenging about the policies after each round. The goal is start thinking about pros and cons of different approaches rather than trying to prove one way is better than any other. At the very end, show the Cumulative Flow Diagrams and use them to also compare and contrast the different rounds with respect to flow.
Finally, if you have time, you can ask teams what other policy changes they would make to try and improve their processes and performance, and maybe even try them out and capture the metrics to see.


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During those journeys, Cancer also narrowed his prospective college destination down to two schools: Cornell University and the University at Albany.
After visiting both schools and taking nearly two weeks to ponder his decision, Cancer has provided first-year Cornell coach Bill Courtney his oral commitment to begin competing for the Big Red in the 2011-12 season.
"I talked to the coaching staff and he was their top recruit — Galal was the guy they wanted," CBA coach Dave Doemel said.
Cancer, a rugged 6-foot-2 point guard who averaged 10.7 points per game as a junior, earned first team Large School All-Area plaudits from the Times Union in April and was named to the state's seventh team in Class AA.
"I thought about both schools carefully, and then I thought about the schools after I left and how each would help me. I thought with Cornell, I will have a better chance to be successful after basketball is finished."
Boston College coach Steve Donahue, who guided Cornell to three straight NCAA appearances and a school-record 29 victories in the 2009-10 season, began recruiting Cancer last year. Courtney, a former assistant at such schools as George Mason, Virginia and Virginia Tech, picked up on Cancer's recruitment once he took over at Cornell in April and made him a top priority. The CBA guard joins a recruiting class that also features 6-6 guard/forward Shonn Miller and 6-3 guard Devin Cherry.
"He has worked so hard in the classroom and on the court," Doemel said of Cancer. "With the way their program is going, to have a school like Cornell interested in you is a good thing. Obviously, Cornell is a great school."


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Itz gotten cold here in St. Louis. Like, the high on Tuesday was in the thirties. Brr! We haven't gotten snow yet (thank goodness), but itz still cold and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for winter. Honestly, I love summer. I love warm weather, I love hot weather. And truthfully, I don't love cold weather at all. But instead of focusing on the negative, I'm going to make a list of what I love about cold weather! Maybe it will warm me up…
Long Underwear Pajamas
I love pajamas in general, but long underwear is just the best. And putting Zoey in her long underwear pajamas? Even better.
Hot Tea
Tea is always tasty, but hot tea when you're freezing is sure to warm you up!
Sweater Dresses
So comfortable and will be perfect with this growing belly!
Warm Bowls of Oatmeal
I have been eating oatmeal for breakfast several times a week lately. Itz filling, comforting, and warm – great for chilly mornings!
Dressing Like an Eskimo
Heat escapes through your head (and hands and feet), so itz extra important to make sure you're bundled up! Which leads me to my next point…
Ear Warmers
When my ears get cold, I get such a headache. So instead of focusing on that, let's just talk about all the cute winter headgear available! (And you know I love headbands!)
Other reasons I love cold weather entail boots, slippers, hot chocolate, staying in bed, sitting by the fire, and eating ice cream. Yes, ice cream is good no matter the weather!
What do you love about the cold?