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LISTSERV® Maestro 1.2 Makes Database-Driven E-Mail Communication More Manageable
The upgraded software provides comprehensive database integration capabilities and the security of virus protection
Bethesda, MD (September 3, 2003) - L-Soft, creator of LISTSERV®, the original e-mail list management software, announced today the release of LISTSERV® Maestro 1.2, an upgraded version of the company's sophisticated e-mail marketing software that manages and tracks opt-in e-mail campaigns. Unlike other products, LISTSERV Maestro is uniquely capable of integrating with an organization's existing databases. New database integration features simplify the creation of targeted recipient lists by cutting the process down to a few simple clicks. In addition, LISTSERV Maestro 1.2 includes F-Secure Anti-Virus protection, a crucial functionality that protects e-mail recipients from harmful viruses.
"The new version of LISTSERV Maestro makes it easier for companies to take full advantage of their existing customer databases, target precisely and create relevant, customized content," said Eric Thomas, L-Soft founder and CEO.
LISTSERV Maestro's powerful Web interface guides e-mail marketers effortlessly through every step of the campaign development process. The new version of the software simplifies the process of creating database-driven target lists by allowing database administrators to predefine database queries. E-mail marketers can simply click and choose a desired target list of recipients from a drop-down menu, a checkbox or a text input box without any SQL or database system knowledge. LISTSERV Maestro can integrate with all major databases, including Oracle, DB2, MS SQL Server, MySQL and, through LISTSERV, with any ODBC-compliant database.
New LISTSERV Maestro 1.2 features include:
To view a LISTSERV Maestro demo, visit www.lsoft.com/maestrodemo.html. To view release notes for LISTSERV Maestro 1.2, visit www.lsoft.com/manuals/Maestro/1.2/release_notes.htm.
About LISTSERV Maestro
LISTSERV Maestro is a complete e-mail marketing software that gives organizations the ability to track and analyze recipient responses, providing valuable insight into customer interests and the effectiveness of campaigns. Customers have the option to either purchase the software or to host their lists on L-Soft's servers.
Software licenses are available in several sizes, ensuring that the needs of small and large organizations alike are covered. Pricing for licensing the product starts at $13,040 or $7,108 on an ongoing basis. The software is available for Windows 2000/XP/NT and Linux.
Outsourcing services are available for customers who want all the features and functions of the licensed software without having to invest in hardware, software or personnel. Prices can range from $300 to $3,000+ per month, with a one-time $1,000 set-up fee.
For more information about the LISTSERV Maestro, visit: www.lsoft.com/maestro.html, or contact email@example.com to find out how the solution can benefit your business.
About L-Soft
L-Soft develops and sells software and outsourcing services for managing e-mail newsletters, discussion groups and marketing campaigns. Founded in 1994, L-Soft has been instrumental in the proliferation of e-mail marketing thanks to the popularity of its flagship software, LISTSERV®. Since then, L-Soft has expanded its portfolio of products and services to include e-mail delivery, outsourcing and consulting services.
Recognized in 2001 as Maryland's 23rd fastest-growing technology company by Deloitte & Touche, L-Soft's products deliver about 35 million messages a day to more than 130 million list subscriptions. The company serves approximately 3,000 clients worldwide, including Microsoft, IBM, The New York Times, AOL-Time Warner/CNN, Dow Jones/The Wall Street Journal, The United Nations, the U.S. Senate and Harvard University.
For more information visit www.lsoft.com or contact L-Soft via e-mail at: email@example.com or call +1-800-399-5449 or +1 (301) 731-0440.
Melissa Hill
LISTSERV is a registered trademark licensed to L-Soft international, Inc.All other trademarks, both marked and not marked, are the property of their respective owners.See Guidelines for Proper Usage of the LISTSERV Trademark for more details.
Related Links
Latest News
Press Releases
Press Articles
Press Info
LISTSERV Choice Awards


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subset: commoncrawl


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Your two favourite rap weirdos, JACK MOVES & garbageface, are bringing their heady and high-energy mix of beats and words on the road. they'll be supporting their brand new albums I Been Workin' and Apostasy, and will joined by some very special guests at each stop. don't sleep on it.
garbageface // doom rap
Jack Moves // live-looping extravaganza
with very, very special guests!
Snorkelers // alt-rock explosion!
Cooltrainercody // baaaaaaaaass
$7 // doors at 9:00pm, music at 10:00pm


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Blog Archives
The Choice of Excellence
We are thrilled that, after a bit of a delay, my new book Handshake has gone to print and will be available in just a couple of short weeks. Here is one more sneak peek from the book…
Walt Disney and the Choice of Excellence:
Disneyland has become an icon in American culture. People from all over the world visit this place that began as a dream on a wooden bench in the 1940's. It is the home of some of the greatest animated characters such as: Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Snow White, Mary Poppins, Beauty and the Beast, Nemo, Aladdin and the list continues to grow year after year. Children that are fascinated by it grow up to be adults that love it.
After all these years, Disneyland has managed to maintain it's pursuit of excellence, even after the death of Walt Disney on December 15, 1966. It continues to be the dominating amusement park throughout the world. Go and visit any other amusement park and you will not find the same performance standards that you will find at Disneyland. The grounds are cleaner, the landscaping is manicured, the rides are better maintained and the productions are performed at a higher level. Walt's pursuit of excellence continues throughout the Disney Empire and as usual, excellence has paid off.
Regarding excellence, the author, James Gardner once said, "Some people have greatness thrust upon them. Very few have excellence thrust upon them…they achieve it. They do not achieve it unwittingly by 'doing what comes naturally' and they don't stumble into it in the course of amusing themselves. All excellence involves discipline and tenacity of purpose."
In this chapter you will learn these 5 steps to pursuing excellence…
1) Create a healthy drive for excellence
2) Choose it everyday, even when the emotions aren't there
3) Realize that you cannot be the best in everything you do
4) Create processes that enable excellence
5) Think backwards
It is a passion in my own life to strive for excellence, and I challenge you to choose the same.
Until next time,
Chris Sonsken,
"Excellence can be obtained if you:
…care more than others think is wise;
…risk more than others think is safe;
…dream more than others think is practical;
…expect more than others think is possible." – Unknown


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calculating numerology with names
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Casa de Amigas Substance abuse treatment and halfway house - residential short-term treatment for women Justice Services Inc Substance abuse treatment - outpatient programs for adolescents including DUI/DWI offenders and criminal justice clients Still, this year's Midterm list is still top-heavy with some of the finest NHL ... leaving him over a month of rehab work while his former linemate was ... the Lightning's second or third line center position and possibly reunite with ... Behavioral Health Services Saint Francis Hospital and Health Centers Substance abuse treatment - outpatient programs Springs Counseling Center Substance abuse treatment - outpatient programs for DUI/DWI offenders Free access to SouthCoastToday.com today ... 26, 2014 in the Royal Cape Cod Nursing and Rehab. Center, Buzzards Bay. ... Wareham, followed by a Mass of Christian Burial at 10:00 a.m. in St. Patrick's Church, 82 High St., ... But when addiction strikes the family business, it's everyone's business. ... Drug and alcohol problems can be extremely problematic in ... The number of homeless adults in substance abuse treatment programs and recovery homes also increased, compared to the previous year, ... Finding the right drug and alcohol treatment center can be difficult ... rehab and recovery facilities and treatment programs can be found on the ... Counseling Center Kingsview Community Services Substance abuse treatment - outpatient programs for DUI/DWI offenders Imagine a treatment for drug addiction and alcoholism that uses no drugs, requires no trained personnel, resources or insurance and makes no ... The organization has a contract to purchase the Port LaBelle Inn subject to getting permission to operate a private drug and alcohol rehab ... But can giving up booze for just one month really make a long-term difference to our health, wellbeing and relationship with alcohol? According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcohol remains the leading addictive substance consumed in the U.S. ... Every single time with a kid who's hooked on heroin. A pal of mine .... Treatment is not just a few weeks for this particular addiction. Ninety days ... London businesses are facing significant challenges in managing staff with alcohol and substance abuse problems, warns GQ Employment ... ... law that protects the confidentiality of patients involved in designated substance abuse treatment facilities - they refused to admit St. Peter Mo. They acquitted Heather Jensen of criminally negligent homicide but found her guilty of child abuse resulting in death and false reporting. Those with certain variations of the GABRA2 gene showed a higher tendency to develop alcohol dependence symptoms and more ... According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2,200 ... other factors like smoking status, sleep, exercise and alcohol intake.


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By: Corey Savard
Wow, where did these guys come from?
After a breakout 2012 with two top trance remixes of electronic dance music heavy weights Cosmic Gate and Markus Schultz, are set to have an even more successful 2013.
Tritonal, two American middle-aged guys from Austin, Tex. are single handily shifting the trance genre from a drug-induced dancer's playlist of choice to a main stage finale at some of the biggest E.D.M. festivals in Europe including the industry's premiere event "Tomorrowland" in July.
D.J. Magazine recently ranked the duo #83 on their list of Top 100 D.J.'s of 2012 which puts them in prime position to surpass the D.J.'s who are taking a break from the E.D.M. scene to produce a new sound in order to stay relevant or those who are looking to quit altogether such as French house legend Bob Sinclair.
Here is an original mix they released back in November with lesser known D.J.'s Super 8 and Tab. A song that is getting a significant amount of air time on radio shows Hardwell on the Air, Afrojack's Jacked and a December feature on Beatport.com.
Here's Tritonal ft. Super 8 and Tab's "Arc":


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http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/holnus/004200906031252.htm The Hindu June 3, 2009 Mumbai (PTI): A dedicated police station to tackle cyber crime cases has been set up in the metropolis, third such facility in the country to deal with new-age offences. The Cyber Crime police station, the first-of-its-kind in Maharashtra, started functioning since May 30 in Bandra-Kurla Complex at suburban Bandra. Such specialised police stations are already operating in Bangalore and Hyderabad, two top IT hubs of the country. "The dedicated police station will now register FIR on its own and investigate the offences pertaining to virtual world. The police station will take care of all cyber cases in the city including that of terror e-mails," Additional Police Commissioner (Crime) Deven Bharti said. The existing Cyber Crime Investigation Cell of the city police probes cyber offences, but the FIRs are registered in local police stations depending on the site of the crime. A specially trained team of over 25 policemen, headed by an Assistant Commissioner of Police (ACP), has been selected for the new job. The facility will function under the supervision of Deputy Commissioner of Police (Preventive) and Joint Commissioner of Police (Crime). "The city is divided into five regions - East, West, North, South and Central, which will be monitored by an equal number of senior Inspectors. The staff at the new police station has been specially trained for the job and their skills will be upgraded from time to time," an officer said. The number of cyber cases rose from 142 in 2005 to 775 cases in 2008. A total of 159 and 344 cyber crime cases were registered in 2006 and 2007 respectively. Of the total 775 cases registered in 2008, maximum, 164, were related to fake profiling, defamation and sending obscene content, while the lowest, two, pertained to a matrimonial website. So far this year, police have received over 155 complaints of cyber crimes. Among various cyber crimes, a significant number of people fell prey to a Nigerian letter scam in which the receivers are made to believe that they have inherited property worth crores in the African nation. Credit card frauds, sending vulgar contents, identity theft, hacking and lottery scams are among other fraudulent practices in which netizens are getting trapped. _____________________________________________ Visit the InfoSec News security bookstore! http://www.shopinfosecnews.orgReceived on Wed Jun 03 2009 - 05:19:00 PDT
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.2.0 : Wed Jun 03 2009 - 05:22:05 PDT


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A vibrant, non-semestered school in the heart of the city, Rosedale Heights School of the Arts is a soulful community where young people can thrive in academics, arts and sports. Identified by Maclean's Magazine as one of the top ten schools in Canada (2005), many students choose to stay for a fifth year as they continue to be enriched by the artistic and academic opportunities provided by the dedicated staff and the guest artists who enrich our students' lives.
At Rosedale Heights School of the Arts we believe that the arts are for all young people, that they enrich the academic lives of students, and that "talent" should not dictate a young person's access to learning. This philosophy makes Rosedale the only arts school in the Toronto District School Board that does not audition. Through a non-audition policy, we aspire to cultivate a culture of cooperation and teamwork through the arts as opposed to one of competition.
We are also the only arts school that does not expect students to choose "majors," and encourage interdisciplinary exploration of the arts in the hope that students discover their own interests and own ways of expressing themselves at a time in their lives when exploration and self-discovery is so important.
Our approach to the arts emphasises creative process in addition to technique. We cultivate student voice through students writing, developing, composing and curating their shows. We believe that creativity, the ability to communicate through a variety of arts and media for a variety of purposes, is a skill that will be fundamental in the 21st century. We believe that creativity takes many forms, and that the ability to express personal voice through creativity will serve all our students well throughout their lives and in all of their endeavours.
While students coming out of our programs are well-prepared for post-secondary studies in the arts, we believe that the experience of the creation of art enriches the lives of all Rosedale students, whether they decide to be professional artists or not. Approximately 95% of our Rosedale graduates attend university or college.
Why Rosedale?
Rosedale provides its students excellence in academic achievement as well as the opportunity to develop their skills in the performing or visual arts. Students are welcomed to a warm, friendly learning environment by staff and fellow students. Rosedale provides a wide range of courses in the arts, traditional academics, business and technology; see: Rosedale Courses. A high percentage of graduating students are admitted to a university or community college of their choice, many receiving scholarships.
Housed in one of the most versatile and attractive secondary schools in Toronto, our facilities include state-of-the art computer and science labs, a modern resources centre, video animation equipment, modern gymnasium, dance studio and swimming pool.
Communication with parents by Teacher Advisors, subject teachers, and school administration is a priority at Rosedale. Each student receives an individualized report card four times a year. Parents and caregivers are encouraged to be involved in their student's learning through the School Council and Arts Advisory Committee.
More specific information may be found in the TDSB's school profile site.
Our Mission is to prepare our students for university, community college, and the world of work through challenging academic programs, with an emphasis on the performing and the visual arts.
We Value:
– Each and every student
– Inclusiveness and excellence in all programs
– The uniqueness and diversity of our students
– The commitment and skills of our staff
– A learning environment that is safe, nurturing, positive, and respectful
A partnership of students, schools, family and community.
The Rosedale Family
Rosedale draws its students from across the city, thereby reflecting the truly diverse and rich character of Toronto. Parents have an opportunity to participate in the School Council that has existed for over 8 years. The School Council membership also includes students and teachers from the school. The partnership of the three constituencies has nurtured an effective evolution of the school. Members of Council represent the school in local area and city-wide educational committees such as Ward Councils, as well as make presentations and submissions to the Board and its committees. All parents are welcome to attend monthly Council meetings.
A Parents Arts Committee (PAC) consisting of parents provides support to the teaching staff through activities such as fundraising and promotion. Many parents offer to share their knowledge and skills to enhance student learning. In addition, many parents volunteer at the school on a regular basis as teacher-aides and coaches. Speakers from the local arts and business communities complement classroom lessons.


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- Balustrades & Handrails[10]
- Drains[1]
- Ceiling Tiles[1]
- Door & Window Grates[6]
- Ladders[4]
- Work Platforms[4]
- Metal Building Materials[8]
- Stairs[10]
- Other Fasteners[2]
- Fencing[10]
- Other Steel Products[8]
- Steel Structures[10]
- Structural Steel[8]
- Iron Wire Mesh[1]
- Steel Wire Mesh[2]
handrails,carbon steel pipe,stair handrail,steel balustrade,banister
1. ISO9001:2008 quality systems.
2. 4 running lines
3. Full range of steel gratings
Wanjie ball joint handrails are well featured by attractive appearance, easy installation, sturdy and durable, excellent anticorrosion performance after galvanized surface treatment.
Application: widely used for Power plants, chemical plants, oil refineries, steel mills, paper mills, mechanic plants, cement plants, municipal engineering, sewage treatment facilities, pharmaceutical industry, food processing industry etc.
Standard specializations and size:
External diameter
of ball
External diameter
of column
External diameter
of handrail
External diameter
of cross bar
1.Carbon steel's size is in front of the bracket in above table and stainless steel's size is in the bracket.
2.Rail height:single rail manufactured according to design,double rail is 1,100mm,and triple rail is 1,200 mm.
3.Column spacing:mainly four kinds as 1000,1200,1500,2000mm.
4.Steel tube's size:subject to the design drawings confirmed by both parties.
Advanced CAD system can provide perfect design information and drawing converting and 4 running lines can provide at least 20,000 tons per year.
Notes for ordering:
1. Please clearly state specifications, types, quantity and required surface treatment.
2. Please provide complete design-related layout plan, structural drawing, sectional view and joint drawing.
3. In the case of stair treads, please specify its type, length, width, quantity and surface treatment.
If any enquiries, please contact us.


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From museum-worthy vintage furniture to kitschy gallery-wall gold, estate sales are a design nerd's dream. That said, they're few and far between, and when you are so lucky to stumble across one, those Eames chairs are spoken for faster than you can say "mid-century modern."
That's where Everything But The House comes in. An online auction site, EBTH deploys buyers to estate sales nationwide, combs through the lots and auctions off items —starting at $1, whether it's a signed Warhol or a charming teapot — to lucky bidders.
"If a family is moving or downsizing or modernizing, we can help them reach a larger audience," says marketing and partnerships advisor Andrea Stanford.
Recommended Slideshows
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RELATED: Steal all these design ideas from Brooklyn Blonde's new NYC home.
"For buyers, there's something really special about seeing these collections and lives that were curated, about finding a great new piece that has a history."
With spring — aka moving season — in full swing, we asked Stanford for what old-school decor trends are finding new life this year.
Everything '70s
Although your clean-lined '60s finds will always be in style, the '70s are finally getting their due. "The '70s are a little more fun," says Stanford. "Sectional sofas, with their wonderful curves and colors, are perfect statement pieces. And swivel chairs—who doesn't love a swivel chair? It's classic '70s, even if you reupholster." Also on her list: geometric mirrors.
Palm Beach
Think tiki: plenty of rattan, animal prints and large-scale florals. "It's perfect for summer, but it really works year-round," says Stanford. "Everyone's loving bamboo, especially magazine racks. It's surprisingly hard to find a good magazine rack these days."
Formal Tablewares
The formal dining space may be endangered, but elegant flatware, stemware and little extras — candelabra, anyone? — are having a moment. "With new construction and renovation, homes are becoming more open, and dining rooms are frequently left out," says Stanford. "But people are hanging on to the formality in other ways. Even if you have a more casual table, or a buffet for entertaining, that doesn't mean you can't have silver and crystal."
RELATED: Property Brothers' tips for buying a fixer-upper
Why you should shop an estate sale
Estate sales and thrift stores are a great way to jumpstart or update your art collection without breaking the bank. "We're no longer just putting one large portrait over the sofa. To have an interesting, modern art collection, it has to come from so many places," says Stanford. "People aren't taking it so seriously anymore — it's an opportunity to have fun and show some personality."


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Getting In
Schools & Colleges
- College of Agriculture & Environmental Sciences
- College of Arts, Humanities, & Social Sciences
- College of Business & Economics
- College of Education
Student Makerspace Lab
What is a Makerspace?
A makerspace is a collaborative environment, open to students to explore, learn, make, and share. Makerspace is a unique, collaborative environment "dedicated to learning, discovery, and community engagement." By providing our students with a plethora of equipment, technologies, and resources, we ensure the facilitation of creativity, problem solving, and innovation.
- CNC Mill
- 3D Printer
- PCB Milling
- Eagle CAD
- Solid Works
- Laser Engraver
Ready to get started?
Visit the Makerspace website to create an account, reserve time to create your next project or just to get more information.
Makerspace Website
Visit NCAT Makerspace at:1601 East Market Street, Greensboro, NC 27411
McNair Hall, Room 121
Makerspace Phone Number:
+1 (336)285-3828
Points of Pride
Largest HBCU
N.C. A&T is the largest public HBCU in the nation
N.C. A&T is the No. 1 producer of engineering degrees on the undergraduate level awarded to African Americans.
Admired CEO
Chancellor Harold Martin Sr. is named among the Triad's Most Admired CEOs by the Triad Business Journal.
Academic Excellence
The university's Center for Academic Studies in Identify Science is the first and only National Intelligence Science and Technology CASIS in the United States.
Higher Research Activity
N.C. A&T is classified as an R2: Doctoral University of Higher Research Activity by the prestigious Carnegie Classification of Institutions of Higher Education.
Teaching / Research
N.C. A&T is the highest-ranked public school for combining research and teaching by the Wall Street Journal.
Engineering Professor and Student
N.C. A&T is an inaugural and pioneering tenant of the innovative Union Square Partnership for healthcare training.
2016 MEAC Champs
N.C. A&T Women's Basketball team are the 2016 MEAC Champions
Bowl Champs
Aggies win 2015 Inaugural Air Force Reserve Celebration Bowl and Black National Championship.
Tarik Cohen
Running back Tarik Cohen broke the university and MEAC record becoming the MEAC all-time leading rusher.
Hall of Fame
The 1968 Aggies football team was inducted into the N.C. A&T Sports Hall of Fame as the first A&T team to win a black college national championship.
Aggie Track & Field
Three track & field athletes are named to the NCAA All-Academic team for excellence in their events and in the classroom; maintaining a minimum 3.25 GPA.
Kim Terrell-Kearney
Former professional bowler Kim Terrell-Kearney named N.C. A&T bowling coach
Track & Field Ranking
The United States Track & Field and Cross Country Coaches Association ranked A&T men's track and field team among the top-25 in program history.
Gail Wiggins
JOMC Professor Gail Wiggins selected as the NABJ Educator of the Year
PALO! Lyceum Series
The Band PALO! performed at N.C. A&T for the Lyceum Series
CD - Jazz Preeminence
A&T Theatre arts performs first production of "Radio Golf" by African American playwright August Wilson.
The Theatre Program at A&T was the first accredited Bachelor of Fine Arts (BFA) at an HBCU in North Carolina; second in the nation.
Black Nativity performances
The Theatre Arts Program is nationally ranked by Black Broadway as one of the top five Theatre Arts programs for African American students
Travis Alexander
Travis W. Alexander has been named National Conductor for the 105 Voices Of History National Concert Choir


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Bike Tour Colorado (BTC) 2011 – Day Four
June 22 Wednesday DAY 4 Steamboat Springs to Glenwood Springs
Day Four, because of a cancer walk and another event, BTC is rerouted onto single lane back roads. It was a traffic jam. For Dan and Kevin it was an amazing and tough ride. When I caught up to these guys 3 miles from the finish they were spent. Thankfully Day Five would be a day off. Check out the video I took (see link below). This is a short video of the ride today from a recently appointed spectator, me, as I made my way down from Steamboat Springs to Gypsum looking for Dan and Kevin.
For all of you cyclists out there this is a look in the mirror, albeit the rear view mirror, as I followed a line of traffic led by a 40-50 ton logging truck trying to avoid cyclists like bugs in a rug. To put it into perspective, my brother Dan had a tanker truck that pushed him over to the right at least a foot and then when the trailer passed. pushed him back to the left, like a whip saw.
This is the scene from the other side. I went to an orthopedic surgeon after Day Three's ride with serious knee pain in the left knee, probably compensating for the right pelvis fracture. He tells me, I'm out. Something, something tendonitis I can't pronounce. Just aside, the drugs haven't worked. Looks like time for n MRI. So anyway, I'm rider turned sherpa. I followed a logging truck for over 20 miles that had to control the same aspects of a biker, only ensure he didn't roll over someone and frankly there were a large number of riders who disregarded all the rules of the road and took great risks on behalf of both themselves and the automobiles and trucks on the road.
As a cyclist, I have to say there was blame to be laid all-around here. Poor, possibly even unfortunate last minute planning on the part of the event coordinator, BTC, the State of Colorado and the cyclists… who did themselves no favors. BTC and the State Highway patrol should have been better prepared to discourage commercial (vehicular traffic) . There were cyclists who weaved through vehicle traffic putting themselves and motorists in danger; even to the extent of riding in the oncoming lane of traffic in a double yellow. There were drivers who crossed the double yellow to pass riders. There were riders blocking the lane, often 2 abreast, sometimes three.
How sad would it be for an accident (and I use the term lightly) to happen. More later…


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Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A Good Turn of the Story
I told my therapist about this feeling that he's "Made for Me" at the end of a chatty session involving all sorts of stories of my social butterfly activities and intrigue. He was tacked on there, not an afterthought but an undeveloped sense of possibility.
Mmm...undeveloped sense of possibility. Now there's a state of affairs I can get hot to trot for.
I included my sense of this man to my counselor because I get a lot of shit for falling in love "all the time" from my friends and it causes me to worry about my behavior. I get a sense off of some people that I'm not being "careful enough" with my heart. I'm becoming more sure that it's not a simple as that, and that the flip side of these admonishments should be the statement that it is the others who are not being careful enough. So I was looking at this mild, romantic, and funny concern that I might fall in love again.
How that got to be a fearful thing, I don't think I'll ever understand.
I have hesitated to begin processing this man because I am looking at my patterns and do not want to act carelessly. I do not act without care, I just like to look and see if I am taking care to have an intention. I have had enough of getting swept up in the third act of someone else's drama, just because my own play is at intermission. I have a vested interested in my own course when people enter the theater now. Getting swept up is how I have acted in the past, and we lovers all know this, there is something akin to destruction in falling in love. What is destroyed, in the universal sense, I cannot put my finger on. What I wonder about is this: it seems to be a human truth that there is a sense of destruction in the act of falling in love. We all know that falling in love is far different from being in love and from sustaining love. So, in the act of falling, an obvious destructive signifier, what is destroyed? Is it destroyed simply because you cannot have a new thing without an old thing dying?
But, let's back up from this philosophical edge and again towards the point. The point was honestly to gush. Can anyone get sick of that giddy feeling? Of being smitten?
In the words I've absorbed from money market watchers this last year, here are the indicators.
1. My horoscope has been consistently buoyant since before 2009 mercifully walked in. I have been given words of encouragement from multiple sources in the areas of my communicative ability, my instinctual development, my future's path, and my innate capabilities to see what others do not.
2. I have known that something was going funky in the house of Venus, for Aquarians like me, since the beginning of the year and that this spring-bacchanal time was riper than usual for my Venus to come back to her vixen-virtuous ways and Bloom.
3. I have known, since I lamented that I'd never find love, one of those times a year ago when I kept falling for the wrong sign of people, that Sagittarius and Leo are the favored children for my long term amore.
4. I have known since I was little girl that people who embody opposed juxtapositions are more delightful than others. I am attracted the the unlikely stereotypes of the classical piano playing car mechanic or, in this very real instance, the submariner who paints, carves, sews his own fantastically freakish and beautiful attire, et al.
My dream man can fix anything. He can name his favorite poem. His hands are rough and his eyes are playful. He is older than me and wraps me safe in his arms. He lets me lay my head in his lap and strokes my hair with his heavy, washed, and yet cigarette smelling, palms. He has traveled but loves home. He is busy manifesting his dreams into reality most of the time. He disappears and returns baring unusual gifts from accidental out posts. He fucks dirty. He paws at, grabs hold of, slaps around and orders me, in the bedroom and out.
This is really the man I have dreamt of since I was old enough to say "I love you Daddy." My dream man is only partially my father. My dream man is more get-up-and-go than my own sweet Dad ever will be. My dream man lives more in the reality of right now than he does in the places he never got to in the past.
Here are a few difficult-to-admit truths about me. I have wifey fantasies of cooking dinner, keeping the house neat, and looking and smelling nice when my man comes home. I love pleasing my man. I love feeling looked out for, watched over, instructed by my man. There is not one man on earth whom I have allowed to do for me those things until just now, when he walked on to the street at the corner of my favorite bar and met me a few days ago.
I want to oppose the above statements here to remind you of what I am that counters those things, but I don't want to dilute those truths. So here I sit smiling wanly, pleased.
I find myself dreaming, dreaming, I'm always a dreamer. I find myself in a home with my man. He doesn't keep me in any historical or oppressive way on a day-to-day basis. We are egalitarian in most functions and efforts. I am pleased a rum-punch to put on my jeans and hold the carburetor while he digs into his old truck's bowels, just as he is sweet as pie when I ask him to paint my toenails. But there is a structure. There is a symbiosis to the nature of our relationship which was constructed upon a set of understandings and strict rules that I have never been more pleased to adhere to.
Why was a smart ass masochist before and why will I bend deeper than I think I can now? Because I was testing the boundaries and ropes and attention to detail. If the man wasn't knowing what I needed, I taunted him somewhere, rather than boss from the bottom, because I wanted to play. I might hope to get him onto the right trail but, when communication is based on crooked ground it rarely rights itself, even aided.
This situation is no more straight-forward than any of my other explorations. I can do nothing straight, nearly everything I do loops and curves back in on itself. I met him in the same upsurge that introduced me to so many nearly two years ago. I met him on the same internet watering hole and have gotten to know him in similar ways, virtually, in that time. It is an interesting indicator to me. All those people that have come and shaped and gone, or stayed with me, since then. He was always in the periphery, us separated by more than half the width of a continent and by vastly differing experiences. When I thought of that time frame those two weeks ago, on my way to therapy, I thought, "Huh, I do love a good turn of the story."
Friday, May 22, 2009
A Letter to Michelle Tea
I just finished reading your book, Valencia, and I wanted to say a few things. Let me get out of the way my gushing: I was impressed with the immediacy of your writing (which might be a writer's compliment of the vaguest proportions). I mean your writing resonated for me with its hilariously dramatic sadness and its orgiastic astrology. When you first began describing the main characters as "Piscean...children of karma" or your own "Aquarius electricity" I smirked conspiratorially and felt a connection to you that transcended longing.
The longing comes from the lives you glossed on while you cataloged those two years in hilly and bacchanal San Francisco of your youth. You wrote some lesbian modes of operation so clearly that all I could do was roll my eyes knowingly. The diving, diving in that you did with your love affairs and girlfriends, the self destructive partying, and pushing the limits had such romantic appeal it was hard not to pine for it.
What I'm really here to say is that I want to defend myself. Maybe "defend" isn't the right word. I think I mean, I want to speak up on behalf of the women like me, who have just left the age you were when you were writing Valencia. I want to talk out for those of us who have been watching the likes of you as we came of age.
You're like the high school freshman and we're like the fifth graders (stick with me). You will always be older, more cutting edge, more experienced and with more freedom to explore, shout out, fuck up and get older. I will always look at your writing references and want to catch up, but I know I missed my chance. If I had been the kind of girl to hop out of high-school and onto a box car headed anywhere, I might have found you older sister punk grrls. I might have experienced Team Dresch live myself, or done meth in some shit back alley in the rainy darkness of Seattle or San Francisco. I might have written a memoir about living fast and dying young only to follow up by slowing down and staying alive to enjoy the fruits of my so called fucked up youth.
Your version of "lesbian," complete with chopped up green hair and butch dykes in make-up, is something I'll never fully experience. I was ten years too late, playing with my G.I. Joes while you secretly nursed crushes on the outcast poetess of Main St. in your boring town. You are my older sister, with the wilder stories, the battle scars, and smoker's voice to assist your alibis. You fed on political action groups while I was being served advertising and stories of the good old by-gone days.
Everything for my generation was filtered and fabricated. But you, and your sisters taught me all the wrong moves along with the right ones. I understand the fire in your belly with every long term girlfriend, the desire to die trying rather than sell out.
Rock Out,
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Say Valley Maker, One Year Later
For example, I spent all of last summer mourning the loss of who "I was" due to the strong ties between my current identity and my sexuality. My sexuality happens to be a very large part of how I relate myself to the world politically and personally. I'm not sure if it was always that way or not. When I was young, I did place my self-worth and importance on my perceived ability (or not) to attract the opposite sex. I became valuable to myself only when I could see the external appreciation for what I could give. That is to say, head.
Ok yeah, obviously I'm being tongue-in-cheek about this now, but it's a very important thing for me to understand. I really, really hated the parts of myself the external world taught me to value: i.e. my height, weight, hair color, clothes, boob size and friends. The parts of me that felt valuable were hidden and I mourned daily that no one could see what I knew to be my best attributes. That common feeling of self loathing is one thing that I work to prevent in any female I meet who is not giving herself the love and credit she is due. Women are at a disadvantage in almost every way in society because they don't value themselves, their opinions, their validity, and what they have to offer. Men struggle with the opposite problems I'm sure, but I'm not a man; I have not lived my life as one, and won't speak to it now. That mission is being saved for another life time (the mission, yes, of helping males to value themselves more and to be kinder to their own inner beings).
I didn't set out to write this post to catalog the ways in which I reclaimed my sexuality and turned it to work for me, but to look back and compare this time last year to now.
brevity of bike crash a year later
I was angrier than I've ever been after it all happened. I threw away beautiful apology bouquets, trashed mementos, and yanked roots from the ground (literally, yarrow). I've never been one that can sustain vitriol at people, especially if I've loved them. I find the energy it takes to have that rage more useful in creative arenas.
Then, there's how Sandra Cisneros put it in her poem "Bay Poem from Berkeley"
Mornings I stillwhich another ex posted last week. Cisneros's words have a way of sinking into me like needles will and leave me in the sweet subconscious where pain and pleasure are indistinguishable; where the importance is not in the two emotions' difference, but in their sameness.
reach for you before
opening my eyes.
An antique habit from
last summer when we pulled
each other into the heat of groin
and belly, slept with an arm
around the other.
But when I open my eyes
to the flannel and down,
mist at the window and blue
light from the bay, I remember
where I am.
But that's just one part of it all, the messy ever changing feelscape of emotions. The more tangible outcome was physical and terrifying for me. I felt so broken that I didn't touch myself for most of summer and fall. I became celibate and obsessive over the state of my pudendum. People assured me it'd get better, but I couldn't even read the information available to me. It was all too painful. I managed to take daily medication, but the medication was no match for my stress, the number one causer of outbreaks.
It took about six months of despondency for me to begin coming around. I began seeing people casually, some of which was documented here. Before that, sometime around September, I began covertly talking to Devyn again. The anger was waning and the feeling of missing him was increasing, as my energy to remain vigilantly enraged decreased. A conversation with a close friend opened my eyes to see his side of things; the shame and fear that kept him from sharing, the denial that grew out of wanting things to be one way and not another. I could see how he would have done it, being so scared myself, to reveal my diagnosis with nearly perfect strangers on a semi-regular basis. She pointed me toward the unquestionable high road, when I had wanted to slink along a mildly less moral path. I was able to forgive him because of this. No one but he and I liked that I did so.
Because my friends and family (and casual blog followers) didn't understand why I could forgive such heinousness, Devyn became a default refuge. He felt like the one person who understood what I was going through with the diagnosis, the one person who felt "safe" sexually (ironically, of course), and he remained the same person I loved before, though profoundly more sorry and intent on my happiness. He'd also taken up a crusade in his sex blog to talk about what he'd done, how he would mend his ways, and how he was still having a vibrant sensuality while maintaining a positive diagnosis.
While I secretly nursed our tattered relationship, my life in Chicago seemed to lighten up measurably. In October I went to my first energy reading and was helped to begin releasing years of baggage, anger, and fear in very obvious ways. I felt positively springy after that meeting and became more aware of my destructive thought patterns. I was thus able to release myself from them. Eventually I saw Devyn again, and brought down some terrible anger on his head in person (unexpectedly at first), thus releasing me further from the past diagnosis, trust loss, and fear. I moved into December solidly, planted on the most beautiful feet I'd ever seen: my own.
iv. what i did this weekend
I had no outbreaks in the brief, but intense, love that began with the new year and felt I was finally comfortable back in my sex again. I began to relax and make love and have orgasms. With the melting snow my favorite spring fever attribute, the horny honey-bee syndrome, returned and I smiled wide at the good old salacious way I love. Being dumped brought stress of course, and my old way of being challenged at letting go of relationships reared up. The first outbreak all year occurred two weeks ago, not long after a nasty bout of self-pity applied with anger. I blamed myself for this unhappy recurrence, all the chocolate, all the beers, etc. etc. I told Devyn about it. After he finished feeling terribly sorry he did what he does best for me. He asked me why on earth I would supplement physical discomfort with malicious psychic punishing. I told him about my diet taboo indulgences and he tsked me, reminded me to get more sleep and to "goddammit, be nice" to myself. His was a good reminder again, of how I treat myself when I'm being unconscious. I re-worked my energy and focused on positive outcomes instead.
Two weeks or so ago, as well, I said, aloud that I was tired of dating. Tired of getting my heart broken and tired of expending all that energy when there's other things I could be doing, things that will last as long as I want them to. Not a day later the universe laughed at me and sent couples and singles of strangers my way to ask if I could come out to play. I laughed and met them with all the Virgo intentedness to "get what I could" that I could muster.
I went on my second date with a lovely couple (we'll call 'em H.A.) on Friday. When the lady of the bi/het couple asked why I wanted to date couples I found poetic and honest words spilling from my mouth. It seems like all the rewards and none of the commitment and compromise. It seems like a privilege to me, to get to witness something united in motion. It sounds fucking hot. It's the best of both worlds for a bisexual hedonist. And so on. At the end of our second date we took it to their place where I was given a lovely pair of soft pajamas to put on. She wore lavender silk pajamas too. I had been admiring her almost unreal full lips and round ass since our first date, while his style, forthrightness and also firmly round ass brought a sparkle to my other eye.
I had to make a conscious choice early in our making out: remain apart so as to be able to write about this in detail later or get deep into the sensual motions and come out unable to recall anything but electric fuzz later.
I chose the latter, unsurprisingly. I am happy to say that I actually could write about it in scorching detail here, but I won't tonight. Tonight is all about me. After 7 days in a row with no solitude I have a softly lit apartment full of warm early summer breeze, a head full of creative adventures apart from my keyboard, and again, my lovely solid feet. Perhaps ten toes that could use a fresh summer coat.
It is hard to tell people that I'm tired of being heartbroken. I had wanted the commitment and compromise that coupledom brings. Sometimes, when I'm being pitiful I lament and wonder if anyone will ever be fit to stay with me on my adventures. But others remind me that my desire to give love over and over is a lovelier part of my nature.
I was asked this weekend if I am a conduit for other people's energy. I don't know that I can channel it yet, which is what "conduit" implies to me, but I definitely take it all in. I feel what people feel without trying. The trying comes in actually stopping myself from feeling it. In the heat of an argument I was not a part of I slipped and spoke the words my best friend had been trying to speak to her opponent (it was a friendly argument, but heated nevertheless, between two hard headed people). As soon as her reasons finished pouring from my mouth I clapped my hand over it, wide eyed. "I'm sorry!" I said urgently, "I shouldn't do that!" The defendant loved it and she pushed that I should do it, having helped her so. The other player left the argument in his Gemini way and asked me why I said I shouldn't do that. He then asked, in complete seriousness about my ability to suck up and spit out others' energy. When I matter-of-factly didn't answer him fully, so he knew he was right but it was hard for me to say so, he said, "That's why you can fall in love so much. It's kind of a gift."
Friday, May 8, 2009
The Thoughts That I Lie with At Night
"I better go lay down?"
"I better go lie down?"
The Michiko Sato Rule
"I call this "The Michiko Sato Rule" because she invented that quick little way to make sure she always got it right in quizzes and exercises (and life).
When Michiko, who lived in Tokyo but has since married and moved to the Boston area, was a student here, she would always write six words — three atop the other three — on her quizzes and exercises (we did 'em on paper then).
Lie Lay Lain Lay Laid Laid
And she never got 'em wrong. Never!
I, therefore, being the smart guy that I am, developed the theory that if it worked for a student whose first language was Japanese, it would work for everyone. Give it a try."
Last night I fell asleep pretty quickly, but not before I laid there creating more bogeymen to fear. Or maybe I was acquainting myself with the bogeymen I've created already.
..."Greetings, my name is Dr. Frankenstein..."
I am talked to, a lot, about fear. I am told that I create fearsome futures in my mind and that I needn't.
...Hand me that wrench"...
The bogeymen were doing their nighttime jig, limbs flopping like drunken fish on their torsos. Technicolor hues of vicious scarlet and putrescence. Singing like those pink elephants in that movie. Their lyrics, which I make up so effortlessly that they seem to come from some outside maleficent source, went something like:
Give it up now. You'll never get recognition.
You won't do something big. You're an
Office Worker. That's what you know.
You've done it more than anything else.
Give it up now. You won't be a writer.
You won't be a traveler. You won't be a healer.
You won't be Unconventional. You're not
a poet. You won't aim for the corner
Office or save enough for a holiday.
You're doing what you're going to do.
This is it. Give it up now. You're not going
to change anything but the small sphere you move in.
Don't be too sad. It's enough for most people.
Take this on now, this is your life, be happy.
This is what you do and just be happy
you've got that.
..."Is anyone else outraged? Does anyone else agree that that's hogwash?"...
But I'm scared it isn't.
..."You're way to too young to give up now. Aren't you the one always pushing your Dad to follow his dreams, even though he's lived one lifetime already?"...
Those bogeypeople. They're assholes aren't they? I can't decide what's worse:
trying to accept what I have and be happy with it OR
never allowing myself to settle, never giving up no matter how hard, never being satisfied until I'm satisfied.
..."There's a middle ground in there, isn't there?"...
What did Dumbo do? He accepted his big ears and made them into something joyous. Are my big ears this office life? 9-5 by day and eccentric by night? Or are my big ears, which I must learn to use and make joyous, my dreams that eat at me the way they do?
I really don't know, but that is the question.
What makes me laugh right now is thinking of a scene from the movie Hamlet 2 (watched it last night, hilarious) in which the eccentric drama teacher who won't quit, even when he's fired, is at his computer writing a screen play.
Picture It:
The scene is shot from behind and over the flat screen monitor. You're looking at his face. He's crying and twisting his features up as he gloriously bears the torture, yet release, it is to write his opus.
It's fucking perfect.
I've been laughing at a lot of parodies of writers lately. We are a great bunch of fools.
In what way, I have yet to decide.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Ace of Wands Crosses The Emporor
I had my tarot cards read again yesterday. To the right are the four major players. I find that it's often a struggle for me to have my cards read because 50% of me is listening, but the other 50% (or so) of me is immediately interpreting the information, linking it up to what's going on internally and externally for me. I realized that process was happening last night and then tried to stop the simultaneous interpretation. It seems to me that thinking about a story's impact prior to the end of the story means that one could miss a lot, but also that one could limit her options of perception. If I decide to choose door two, before I've even heard what possibilities lie behind doors three and four, then what might I be missing?
It's hard though because there is this thing that happens every time I get my energy, chakras, tarot or whathaveyou read; I find this deep voice in my low gut urgently whispering "I know", which really means "I knew it" or, "yes, [the reader's] right". There's something that's completely heartening about that. It feels very reassuring and very validating. I get to be the one carrying around the wisdom I need, and it doesn't have to come from outside sources...but there's totally a hitch. I in the previous sentences context is the ego, whereas that deep gut voice has nothing to do with the ego. The voice deep down there doesn't comment on my daily goings on. When I'm feeling pessimistic it is silent, it is not a "good mother" it does not rush to my aid when I'm roiling internally and grasping externally at any interaction I can get. It speaks rarely, usually when I sit quietly long enough, and sometimes even then I (my ego, surface consciousness) have to ask it questions. The answers this deep wise voice gives me are always simple and complete. "The Buddha voice" is one way it's been called. Sometimes I just call it the "me" voice.
So I tried to get my ego to stop yammering about how "'I' knew it!" long enough to listen to what I was being told. There are some big questions coming down the highway at me. I'm wondering about writing and blogging. I'm wondering what my goal(s) are for my life. I want to know why I intend to leave Chicago and what I intend to find wherever I go from here. I want to know why I fear so acutely being alone "forever". I want to know why my friendships seems to be shifting and what I want to do about them. I want to know why I feel so goddamn bored with myself these days.
I wondered last night about writing and all it's challenges and glories. I wondered what it would feel like to stop blogging for the public. Would I stop writing? Would I write more? I've been noticing that I'm concerned now about the amount I post on my blog, since someone told me I won't garner more followers unless I write more consistently. I think that person's probably right, based on looking at "successful" blogs out there. I am being challenged, this moon, with the Taurus habit of wanting more. I've been doing too much comparing of myself to others; wondering why I don't get more comments, have more followers, and other random crap. I wondered about the feeling I have that "I am a writer". I wondered if I would stop thinking that if I didn't blog regularly. I wondered if it's possible for me to stop writing. Then I went to bed and vowed to start fresh today, to regain my intention, to let go of my attachments to things past and to look forward. I'm aspiring to Virgoism right now: "Improvise, Adapt, Overcome and keep fucking moving forward."
One more interesting thing about behavior before I go. One of my best friends is also energetically intuitive and an air sign. She is of the sign that alights all over, and is a grace to those who know her, but hardly understands why she's doing what's she's doing until she's reaped the consequences (good or bad). We were talking, as I stood at O'Hare waiting for my baggage the other night, because I was feeling very lonely and low. I needed a good kvetch session to help clear my head. I had lashed out at someone because I was lingering on painful feelings of abandonment and betrayal and I didn't sit with them long enough for them to pass away. I had been dwelling for days, not that that's a good excuse.
I saw this friend of mine the next day and I talked to her about how we each process our emotions. I am as external as possible, I talk, write, kvetch, cry and get physical (like yoga or masturbation) whereas she is as internal as one can be. Her way of internalizing everything protects those around her (in some ways) from those raw, and sometimes unfair, emotional fall outs. I was kind of admiring that in her, that she didn't have to go back to people and be embarrassed or feel ashamed of her behavior because she rarely let on that she was feeling something terrible in the first place (not that one can't tell if she is feeling terrible). I was wishing I didn't reach out so much.
She reminded me that her internalizing is usually to the detriment of herself. She takes it all on, instinctively not trusting that anyone but herself can deal with what she feels. So where is the balance? I wonder. Then, last night as my cards were read to me I thought about the fact that there's always been at least one person in my life that I can go to whenever and however I need to. That person has changed over the years, but there is always one with whom I allow myself to be as raw and embarrassing as I sometimes feel the need to be. I said a little prayer of thanks for all the people that have held out their hands when I have been groping and gasping in the dark.
Friday, May 1, 2009
I've always been a sucker for hair and man old enough to teach me a thing or two
The following is a story in a style that is somewhat novel to me. Let me know what you think about the flow or anything else. It is a true story. There is a "monumentally embarrassing moment" mentioned by name only. More begging may get you readers that story some time in the future. You never can tell.
One more thing. Today, while kicking the cross-word puzzle's ass in the newspaper I saw the answer to yesterday's "word scramble" was a quote from Ernest Hemingway. He said, "A man must endure a lot of suffering to write a comedy."
On the second day of my freshman year I slunk into the Psych 101 lab fifteen minutes late. At 8 am it was my earliest commitment by two hours. The only open seat was in the second row between Jeremy and a slight girl with cherry-red hair and a big rack. He whispered to me, as I hung my head, "What? You got a high-over?" I smirked, and this was before I knew how. I would come to think I was a radical in a few years. I was more than green. I was completely un-germinated, but not in the biblical way.
Jeremy was burly but smooth. His characteristics were not unlike a shrewd gopher: his apple cheeks pronounced and his white smile sharp. The tan and freckled skin hid his advanced age from the college girls. It helped that I was usually clouded in ample fogs of marijuana smoke and lust charged panties. The laugh lines at the corners of his eyes would have been more visible if not for the cone of ringlets and frizz around his face.
"How did you know?" I whispered back.
I would take a few different girl friends to Jeremy's over the years. He taught me about bodybuilding and plant cloning; the Rainbow people, modern Pagans and pumpkin patches. His was the home in which my first threesome fantasies were set.
"Jeremy, how old are you?"
"I like 'em young" he would reply.
He wanted to fuck each of the girls I brought to his house, except Jade maybe, while I nursed a severe crush for several years. When I brought petite Jessica, with her enticing lime green eyes, he told us, "I like to pull her to the foot of the bed, have her legs wrap around me while I'm standing and hold her up while I fuck her. I like 'em small, like you Jessica."
"Oh Jeremy." Jessica was an impressively classic and cloying flirt. She'd tease all she wanted while I'd be in fear of her getting into trouble "leading them on."
The little sprout in me became a twinkle, still not germinated, but my seed rattling with the pressure of growth to come. Seven years later and part of me is still trusting that he wasn't a total creep. Or perhaps a bigger part of me accepts that, really, I enjoy creeps, just so long as they're respectful in the end.
I would imagine myself in Jeremy's undecorated bedroom. His second floor had unpainted walls and ceilings that sloped with the roof. There was a room with drums and psychedelic posters. There was a room with a small tv/vcr. Each of these rooms housed a camping chair or two, the kinds with cup holders in the arm rests. His bathroom was the nicest with the plush maroon mat, towels and bathrobe. And there was his bedroom. From my peeking, as I walked past, up or down stairs I saw only a queen-sized bed with a worn old comforter and a wooden dresser.
Before the monumentally embarrassing experience with Jeremy, I fantasized so thoroughly that I confused our separate realities with some of the emotions I conjured at night in my own twin bed. I thought for sure we were going to sleep together. When I squeaked those words out on the phone, he half laughed, half gulped: "No, Shana. I like you."
After that, I couldn't return to my fantasies about as often, but before, it was the only unfettered place where my seething sex was coming out. My fantasies were in flash images, or I got lost in details of clothes worn, or "plot" and fell asleep before I came. They were conjured like the set up for a one-act play.
Bedroom, bare walls, dingy blue carpet, faded blue comforter on a made bed.
Overhead, white light fixture. Unflattering lights on.
Me-Girl: long blond hair, pale skin, fat. On her back, naked. "O" shaped mouth. Legs spread, wiry blond bush.
Girl: long dark brown hair. Thin. Skinny girl, "petite". Weak looking arms. Pale. Standing, bent at the waist. Glasses on the dresser. Eyes closed. All face, from chin to nose, hidden in wiry blond bush.
Man. Standing. Blond, bushy curly hair. Blond beard. Muscle toned arms and smooth chest. Light colored hair creating a fuzz on his legs. Bush hidden as he violently and rhythmically pumps the petite girl. He barks, yelps, moans, grunts, yells and commands. His finger tips white with clenching.
I had no imagined vocabulary. I could have never intertwined us so that he was in a receptive position, or so that the brunette could be lithe, contain hips, be in control with her surprisingly strong arms. I had not yet guessed at my howling capabilities.
Bedroom. Curtain covered window, open door, dark hallway outside. Dingy blue carpet. A glass of water on the dresser.
Girl on her knees filling her mouth with the burly blond man. Her method is concentrated and eager. Her eyes upward when open. She wants to please him more than anything. His pleasure is the nexus of her existence. She barely notices the thin brunette under the knees on which she balances, unless he does. The imagination of brunette's mouth on blond's cunt does not exist, but the seed is quaking.


text:
Since obtainıng visas is probably the most difficult part of traveling to Central Asia, I have compiled visa informatıon here for other travelers. All of the followıng vısas were obtained wıth a US passport.
Excellent resource for updated vısa ınformatıon (thanks Danıel!): caravanistan.com
Russia –
3 March 2013
The Russıan vısa ıs best to get ın your home country. All the ınternet resources I have come across say thıs, ıncludıng the Cycle Tourıng Club of Russıa wıth whom I exchanged several emaıls. I decıded on the sıngle entry 30-day tourıst vısa for my trıp. Thıs was the cheapest and most straıghtforward optıon gıven my lımıted tıme before leavıng the US.
– obtaın letter of ınvıtatıon from tourıst agency.
Went to waytorussia.net, fılled out the onlıne form accordıng to ınstructıons, and a letter of ınvıtatıon was emaıled to me wıthın 24 hours. For the sıngle entry 30-day tourıst vısa, I specıfıed an entry date ın August, and a departure date that ıs 30 days after. I do not have to enter Russıa on the entry date but I can only travel ın Russıa between the specıfıed dates. I could apply for thıs vısa many months ahead of my entry date. Also on the applıcatıon form, specıfy 2 cıtıes that you wıll be travelıng through and hotels ın those cıtıes. (It doesnt matter whether or not you actually go to those cıtıes and hotels)
– fıll out onlıne vısa applıcatıon
Fılled out the onlıne vısa applıcatıon (from what I understand, you must submıt the vısa applıcatıon onlıne) and prınt ıt out
– submıt applıcatıon at New York consulate
Took ınvıtatıon letter, onlıne vısa applıcatıon form, and (1) passport photo to the Russıan vısa offıce ın downtown New York (80 Maıden Lane). Total costs for the vısa was $200 ($30 for the letter of ınvıtatıon and $170 for the consular fee).
– pıck up vısa
Pıcked up the vısa exactly 2 weeks later (normal processıng tıme).
Double-entry and multı-entry vısas cost sıgnıfıcantly more and take more tıme to process. Other than the rıdıculous paperwork, the people at the Russıan vısa offıce ın New York were nıce and pıckıng up the vısa was straıghtforward.
Chına –
4 Aprıl 2013
I decıded to get the Chınese vısa ın the US because ıts easıer to get multıple-entry vısas ın your home country. I wanted a multıple-entry vısa to Chına ın case I ran ınto trouble wıth vısas for neıghborıng Central Asıan countrıes. Chınese vısas have new regulatıons for US cıtızens sınce Aug 2012. There are two optıons for a tourıst vısa: you must eıther provıde a round trıp aırplane tıcket and hotel reservatıon OR provıde a letter of ınvıtatıon and a copy of the ınvıter's Chınese ID. I acquıred a personal letter of ınvıtatıon from a frıend lıvıng ın Chına. If the Chınese ID has only a Chınese name, the letter must ınclude the Chınese name of the ınvıter, and the ınvıter must sıgn the letter ın Chınese. I learned thıs the hard way. I submıtted the applıcatıon ın person at the Chınese embassy ın New York. Due to tıme constraınts I had the vısa expedıted so I receıved the vısa the next day (pıcked ıt up ın person at the Chınese embassy). Normal processıng tıme ıs 3-4 days. Total vısa cost was $160 ($140 for consular fees and $20 expedıted fee).
Turkey -
11 Aprıl 2013
I got the vısa on arrıval at Ataturk aırport ın Istanbul. Before you enter the passport control lıne, you must fırst go to the vısa counter to purchase a vısa. It cost roughly 15 euro. You can pay ın Turkısh Lıra too.
Tajıkıstan -
28 Aprıl 2013
I applıed for the Tajıkıstan vısa ın Ankara, Turkey. The embassy ıs ın the Oran dıstrıct, up the hıll from the Panora shoppıng mall (take the 188 or 185 bus from Kızılay). It ıs next to the Qatar embassy. The embassy ıs open from 9am-5pm Monday-Frıday. I fırst went to the embassy on a Thursday afternoon.
– fıll out applıcatıon form
– wrıte a self-drafted request letter (see post)
– photocopy of passport page
– 1 passport photo
– no Letter of Invıtatıon requıred
I came back on Frıday around noon wıth photos, the applıcatıon form, and the request letter. I requested a 45 day tourıst vısa. He saıd I could get the vısa by 4pm ıf I wanted the vısa that day, wıth a consular fee of $54. It mıght have been cheaper ıf I allowed more processıng tıme, but I wanted my passport back so I could go to the Uzbekıstan embassy next. After submıttıng the materıals, I went to the nearby Zıraat Bank to pay the consular fee and went back to the embassy wıth the receıpt. Pıcked up the vısa at 4pm.
Uzbekıstan -
5 May 2013
The Uzbekıstan embassy ın Ankara, Turkey ıs ın a resıdentıal neıghborhood, two blocks away from the Ozsut Cafe on Turan Gunes Blvd, the maın street where buses run (the 188 or 185 bus goes there). Embassy hours are Monday through Frıday 10-12am and 3-5pm. I fırst went on Thursday to ask for ınformatıon. Note: They do not speak Englısh at the Uzbek embassy. Try brıngıng a translator.
– photocopıes of the pıcture page of my passport
– photocopıes of every page that has a vısa or a stamp
– fıll out the applıcatıon form onlıne and prınt ıt out (evisa.mfa.uz)
– 1 passport photo
– no letter of ınvıtatıon needed
When I came back the next day, they accepted my applıcatıon and I provıded a local phone number so they could call me when the applıcatıon was ready.
I never receıved a phone call (I thınk because they couldnt speak Englısh). But when I went the followıng Frıday (7 days processıng tıme), ıt was ready. Paıd $160 at the nearby HSBC bank, went back to embassy and got the vısa ın my passport.
Turkmenıstan –
08 May 2013
Went to embassy ın Ankara on Monday mornıng to submıt applıcatıon for a transıt vısa (for pıckup ın Baku, Azerbaıjan). Consulate hours are 9am-12pm. Need the followıng:
– 1 COLOR copy of passport pıcture page
– 1 COLOR copy of Uzbek vısa
– self-wrıtten letter explaınıng purpose and transıt route
– 1 passport photo
I fırst went at 10am but he rejected my black-and-whıte photocopıes. When I returned wıth the color copıes 15 mınutes later, the vısa wındow appeared closed. I had to waıt 30 mınutes before someone showed up to help me (so much for beıng 'open' from 9am to 12pm, but hey thıs ıs Turkey!). Afterwards the consul gave me the applıcatıon form whıch I fılled out there, and he accepted all my materıals. He saıd I wıll receıve an emaıl wıth an authorızatıon code ın 7-10 days and I can pıck up the vısa ın Azerbaıjan.


text:
Marketing lessons I learned from one referral
In the pursuit of sales and market reach, it is easy to overlook the human factor. This is especially true in digital marketing. This story is a reminder to me of the power of building relationships that create value, loyalty and a lifetime of referrals.
Mom was in trouble. Through a series of events beyond her control, she lost her house, her job and most of her life savings. Six years prior, she had begun a harrowing and heroic battle with cancer. Now, at the time of life when she should be looking forward to retirement, she was faced with starting life over from scratch.
The first step to rebuilding her life was to find a place to live. Given her financial situation, this was a source of great anxiety. I referred her to Jeff Anderson, a realtor who had done a great job helping me get into my first home. I figured if anyone could solve this puzzle, he could. I guessed right.
In short order, Jeff found an affordable townhouse in a safe community where the value of the property was sure to increase. He helped her get financing that qualified her to buy it. On moving day we were thrilled and relieved to close that chapter.
If the story ended there, it would be a great testimony. But there is more.
At the closing, Jeff told mom that in a year she would be eligible to refinance her mortgage to get a lower monthly payment. Good news.
Fast forward 12 months. One day mom got an unexpected phone call. It was a friendly reminder from Jeff that she could now refinance. He offered her advice on how to initiate the process with the lender. The result was a streamlined refinance that gave needed relief to her monthly budget.
That happened more than 15 years ago. Jeff has become a family friend and trusted advisor on any type of real estate question or transaction we might have. He succeeded in creating a true business relationship where each side works to serve the other. Guess who I would recommend if a friend asks me for a good realtor to work with?
The power of relationship marketing
This is a great illustration of the power of building relationships that result in mutual benefit. The principles apply to several areas of business, such as referral sales, social media and influence marketing. I have thought about this story many times in my years as a marketer. Here are some of the lessons I learned from this referral experience with Jeff.
1. Clients are happy when you meet their expectations. They become loyal when you exceed expectations. They turn into word-of-mouth advocates when you create memorable experiences.
2. You build strong relationships with clients by taking a genuine interest in them. Gain an understanding of their frame of reference. Mom's frame of reference was more than the immediate need to buy a house; it was to manage a limited budget.
3. Listening is the most important relationship skill you can practice. Listen for the reason your client is seeing and feeling the way they do.
4. Give and you will get. Our society operates on the law of fair exchange. When you give extra, you activate the law of reciprocity.
5. Look beyond the initial transaction to the lifetime value of a customer.
6. The close of the sale is not the end. Relationship marketing seeks to confirm the sale, confirm the beginning of a relationship and confirm the beginning of a partnership.
7. Turn your relationship-building mindset into action. Follow up with added value, even if it's a year later and the sale is closed.
8. Turn the relationship into something more than what brought the two parties together in the first place.
9. Referrals are the most powerful, cost-effective form of lead generation. They give you third party credibility and open the door for a receptive conversation with a warm lead.
10. Each time someone gives you a referral, you have an opportunity to make them look like a hero.
The human factor
The reason this story has stuck with me these years is because it was personal and it was tied to strong emotions. Whether in face-to-face interactions, social networking or content creation, it is important to remember that we are dealing with real people and real emotions.
In The Psychology of Relationship Selling, Orv Owens said the primary reason for sales resistance is fear. People are either afraid of making the wrong decision about you or your product or their fears are stronger than the reasons you have given to act. Your job is to help them conquer that apprehension.
Relationship marketing is not a persuasion technique so much as a mindset. It takes the human factor into account when doing business. David Ogilvy is famous for saying "The consumer is not a moron, she is your wife." Humans are hard wired to respond with the emotional brain, even in business situations. That is where we connect to create word-of-mouth loyalty.
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text:
I have had a smart phone for about a year now, and not having a smart phone was something that I very much took pride in. I was disgusted by my friends that would take a look at their phones in the midst of conversation because of a silence. I hated how people were glued to their screens, and addiction became an epidemic. I saw people looking down everywhere, and it seemed like they took out their phones to check for a notification every 5 seconds. It was disgusting, and now. . . I have a smartphone.
And just like the people I despised, I found myself having the urge to look at my phone whenever there was an awkward silence, whenever I was going to go to the restroom, and whenever I was going to do anything by myself and I was going to have some alone time. The connection that the smartphone brings had taken away my ability to be with myself and my thoughts. And the real punchline is that the connection the smartphone brings in not connection at all. There is no intimacy when it comes to smartphones.
And so, to reverse the adverse effect that the smartphone had on me, here are a couple of things that I have decided to do.
- If I am going to meet my friends somewhere by car, once I get to the location, I leave my phone in my car. For those who are freaking out about an emergency, it never happens, and when it does, it can still wait. And if it can't, the people will find a way to reach you by contacting your friends. Trust me, this happens all the time. People are very innovative.
- Meditate.
The whole purpose of making these restrictions is to strengthen the muscle that allows one to be by themselves. Meditation is the very act of being one with oneself.
- If I am going to meet friends, but I will not have a car, bag, or anything to put my phone in, then I will put it in my pocket, or at least faced-down and far away from me.
- If I really do not trust myself, I just give it to my friend, and tell me to give it back after everything is over.
These are just rudimentary steps I take, and I would advise all of you to take some of the steps I have mentioned, while working on your own steps. You need time away from the screen.
It's that simple.