text:
Write me:
skot AT izzlepfaff DOT com
Monday, 29 January
It's Always Time For Poetry!
A morning's disturbing dreams
I awoke in a tangle of confusion
I had no words.
The dreams we have
They are boring and irritating.
Once, as a boy, golden-haired,
"What if--what if (I was in my bed
What if Frankenstein walked in?"
Because Frankenstein is scary
Stupid Frankenstein.
But I screamed anyway
I hope that if the day ever comes
Maybe I can scream for an
Be there for me
Be there
Be honest with me
She will just tell you about when I got scared of
But even she does not
Know about the time I--
Of having sex with a loud, abrasive baby
Nobody must ever know,
Thursday, 25 January
Cheney Shoots You In The Face
EVERYWHERE, Jan. 25, 2007--For the second time in one year, Vice President Dick Cheney was involved in a gun-related incident once again after shooting you in the face with a shotgun earlier today.
Reportedly enraged with the media and public reaction to President Bush's recent State of the Union address, which was described as "imbecilic", "insulting" and "full of tainted meat" by its nine viewers, Cheney embarked on an ambitious project to shoot every American in the face, including you.
"We're running terribly low on blood supplies," commented Dr. Henry Bendix at Harborview Trauma Center in Seattle, Washington. "We desperately need donors." Dr. Bendix was about to expand on these comments, but was then suddenly shot in the face by Mr. Cheney. Nurses, orderlies and security guards converged on the bloody scene, and were all immediately shot in the face by Mr. Cheney, who paused after the carnage to dip his fingers in his victims' blood and stripe his cheeks with the salty gore. "That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die," panted the Vice President enigmatically before loping off into the distance in hunt for more victims, such as you.
According to White House sources quoted prior to being shot in the face, Mr. Cheney erupted with a killing rage immediately following press reaction to President Bush's puzzling State of the Union speech. Bush had declared the state of the nation to be "strong" and "nicely scented" before going on to declare his plans to "hunt down some prime snartch." Bush also spent time detailing his plans to reform shoe sizing in this country, which he described as "inconsistent." "I buy a twelve at Kinney's and it's like, it's like, a ten and a half at Thom McCann's. It's all fucked up," he said, resulting in scattered, confused applause from the audience.
Cheney reportedly bridled at the intense and widespread disapproval of the speech, which Cheney reportedly insisted was "fucking boss" to anyone who would listen, including aides and White House junior staff, all of whom gibbered insensibly with mortal fear prior to being shot in the face by Mr. Cheney.
At press time, you are currently listed in critical condition at your local hospital or hastily-assembled triage tent, loitering impatiently at death's door. Had all medical officials--and every other citizen in your region--not been shot in the face by Mr. Cheney, your prognosis would be listed as "Oh, man." You are a resident of where you live, and would be described by friends and family, had they all not been shot in the face, as
Note: Just prior to filing, this reporter was shot in the face by Dick Cheney.
Monday, 22 January
The Jason Statham Of The Union
STOP THE I-PRESSES! Lo! Big news!
At least two of my tens of readers have alerted me that I have been heralded as one of "The 12 Funniest People on the Internet!" That's nice.
I do have to confess that I do not know these fine discerning people at Valleywag, but I thank them for their vote of confidence. I also note that they quote me making a dick joke, so that's heartening; the world clearly needs more dick jokes, and so I fill a niche. With my dick, apparently. Enjoy, niche! (Hey, it's another dick joke! Worship me.)
But really, if I sound slightly uncomfortable here, it's because 1. I am generally uncomfortable, because I am a neurotic trouble case; 2. I feel like kind of a tool because I don't know over half of those other people (but hey, Hiya, Matthew!); and 3. To be honest? Reading something like this makes me feel sort of like people who say, "Oh, you're a comedian! Say something funny!" And all I can come up with is some stammering nonsense like "Your boobs smell" or an extended riff on canned beets. Or more dick jokes.
Oh, most of you know what's coming. This week, stop right here if you simply can't bear to have plot elements ruined for you for fine films such as Crank and The Covenant. Also . . . are you okay? Anyway.
The wife and I settled into watching this object with no real hope at all, but we came alive when the screen lit up with the magic phrase "Directed by RENNY HARLIN." Like sedentary Kool-Aid pitchers, we looked at each other and yelled "OH YEAH!"
But sadly, there were no resounding "yeahs" to be had from this nothing of a movie. It's about a bunch of rich white kids who are actually witches who essentially wield some dull brand of pickup magical powers that can be passed around and dribbled like basketballs, and digitally-rendered spiders that enjoy crawling up people's noses. It suffers chiefly from: well, did you read any of that? I'm actually not really making much up. It also suffers from Indistinguishable Young Actor Syndrome, which I first identified when I saw Black Hawk Down, and I realized that a bunch of young white kids with shaven heads and fatigue uniforms were completely indistinguishable from one another. "Was that the helicopter guy? Or is it the sniper guy? Or is it . . . fuck, I don't know who anybody is." Similarly, in this listless ass-wave of a movie, I found myself asking, "Is that hair guy? Or is it basketball-force-guy?" In the end, I wound up eagerly hoping for more digital spiders crawling into digital nostrils, and, well, as low as my standards are, that's just kind of a bummer.
Our disappointment in that film was leavened by our delight with the pugilistically inane Crank, a movie with the pleasingly and frankly idiotic premise that an assassin--Jason Statham, the man with a face and emotive range of a dented shovel--has been poisoned by a nemesis with some sort of Ancient Chinese Secret potion that will kill him if his adrenaline levels drop too much.
The actor playing the villain in this delirious movie is worthy of note; when he's not leering maniacally, he's punching innocent pillows as he awaits the sure death of the deathlessly energetic Statham; his overacting is so spine-tingling that I contracted meningitis early in the film, right about at the point where Statham Shovel-Face addresses the camera to announce that "It's time to kick some black ass!" BRAVO!
Also in this awesome spectacle is the fresh young girlfriend Amy Smart (who I do miss from the not-very-lamented, short-lived "Smith"). I would be genuinely interested in the conversation she had with her agent when she accepted this role, since right in the middle of the movie, she and Statham have a fight out in public Chinatown, which kind of turns Statham on, so he attacks her, and in one of those Hollywood moments, she initially resists, but then gets SO WEIRDLY TURNED ON that she can't help herself, and blah blah blah, and then he bends her over a newspaper vending machine.
But then he can't get it up. Weird! I've fucked so many hot chicks in Chinatown in broad daylight, and I'm always walking funny. "You can't get it up?" she screams. Statham looks embarrassed, not that you can tell. He looks like he lost a book of stamps. "This is just like you!" Smart wails puzzlingly. It is? Who are you, lady? What is your miserable life like? Can we have a movie about her? After a few excruciating moments, Statham presumably manages to ring up his long-lost hard-on, and finally puts the boots to the still bent-over Smart, while she's stuck with dialogue like "Oh, baby, you're so big!"
Later, in a car chase scene, she gives him a blow job, only to hold up before the inevitable. Statham protests, of course, shovelly, and she says "So you can fall asleep like you always do? I don't think so." Okay, really, at this point I must demand that a movie be made about this woman's backstory. She sounds like Oriana Fallaci and Jenna Jameson on a meth bender. Fittingly, this woman-positive movie includes a scene in which Statham asks another character, "Do I look like I got 'cunt' written on my head?" At this point, the moviemakers cleverly put the word "cunt" on his head in white letters, possibly just in case that their fears that this movie might make people's ears fall off were justified.
In summary, Crank is the finest movie of 2006. You're insane if you don't watch it.
Tuesday, 16 January
A Driving Force
Seattle has recently been enduring a TERRIBLE COLD SNAP where it has occasionally dipped below 30 degrees and dumped a couple of noncommittal inches of snow on us for the past week or so. Naturally, this has basically shut down the city.
The Seattle schools have shut down, for instance, and the day care my wife works at also has been shut down. Inexplicably, she went in to work anyway to do some crummy paperwork; she also spent a little time in our purple Plymouth (sexy!) sliding backwards down a hill. She's okay, she's fine, she didn't hit anything other than a frozen homeless guy. Sensibly, she threw his frozen carcass into our trunk, because, in these times of extreme (-ly mundane) weather, you never know when the meat riots will start.
I, however, am a fucking ninja for snow driving. I grew up in Idaho, motherfucker! I took driver's ed in eight inches of snow. How do I know it was eight inches of snow? I measured it with my dick. RAR!
I must confess, though, that this did not keep my teenaged self free from autovehicular mishap. I've written about this before.
I will even confess that I myself once or twice got caught out by bad weather conditions while driving. For instance, driving my car back home one particular evening--my awesome '75 Chevy Monza--following my father, I managed to induce the vehicle into a 180-degree spin on a gravel road. (It should be mentioned also that I was 14 years old; you could still get "daylight permits" that young when I was that age, which seems like about as good an idea as giving infants blowguns to play with.) My father stared at me afterwards with the kind of look that seemed to say, "I wonder which mailman my wife fucked to produce this dubious specimen of humanity."
Other times, in those halcyon years, no weather was required to produced on-road theatrics. Often times, all one needed was "friends." Out of my hometown on the way to the storied town of White Bird (but more importantly, on the way to the river) was a tremendous, windy, steep highway grade that required attention and caution to navigate, two traits that are surely present in all teenaged boys. My pals delighted in a certain prankish activity involving reaching over to the car key and switching it off midway down the mountain. This would cause me to scream, invariably, "YOU FAG!" and then, instead of gently switching the engine back on with one click of the key back to its "On" position, rather overcranking the key nervously into "Start" mode, causing the starter to grind horribly and cause mechanical stress. Hilarious. An even better trick was to swifty reach over, turn off the key and throw it onto the floor somewhere, resulting in me (the driver) scrabbling around under the dash while coasting majestically down this horrifying twisty maze of cliff death. Once, one of my idiot friends removed the keys in this manner, but instead of flinging them to the floorboards, he dangled them out the window for a while. Had he dropped them, we all would have been smoking meat. Are teenaged males the only life forms on the planet that have such an incredibly focused drive towards self-eradication? The lemmings thing was proven to be a manufactured myth, but who needs lemmings when you have four guys in a car, all of whom are wearing mullets and parachute pants? And who, chances are, are drunk?
Another time, the four of us--there were always four of us--were sitting at a simple T-shaped turnoff, again to the highway. I don't remember where we were going this time . . . possibly to the golf course to piss in all the ball washers, or something, or maybe just to wash our balls. Who cares? Anyway. For once, I was responsible; I looked left. I looked right. All clear, and so I sedately took my left turn; we were listening to Hysteria by Def Leppard; all was right with the world.
As I was halfway into the left, a semi truck materialized I swear out of fucking nowhere. It simply hadn't been there two seconds before. But here it was, right on top of us, ready to smear us like a wayward rodent. I remember the stiffened stance of the driver, and I remember the Gabriel trumpet blast as he jerked maniacally on his air horn. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed all the boys in the car, incipient masculinity all lost instantly in the moment; sopranos every one. I stomped on the gas, and the trusty Monza responded exactly as usual: like a fat-assed Corgi on a hot day. Please let it hit the back of the car, I thought. Kevin's dumber than me. Kevin was sitting right behind me.
We made the turn, of course. It seemed like the truck missed us by inches, but I can't really say. It might have been feet, or yards. I am pretty sure that no matter what the distance was, the driver of the truck came close to a power shot to Mars based on the force of his startled excretory reaction.
And what was our reaction? After a few obligatory "Oh man!"s and "Holy shit!"s, I seem to recall someone saying, "Let's go to Kevin's place. We're going that way anyway."
"His sisters are so hot." Kevin's sisters were 16 and 18. Yes, they were hot.
Kevin: "Shut up. You're a fag."
We didn't die. We didn't reflect. We listened to Hysteria. We went to Kevin's. We ogled his sisters. And we all lived forever, just like we always knew we would.
Thursday, 11 January
The Ten Most Embarrassing Songs On My iPod
So this Christmas the wife brought me screaming into 2002 and bought me an iPod. (I had owned an off-brand MP3 player before; it was a blocky little doodad that held about five songs and died in as many months. It was the Benjamin Harrison of MP3 players.) So I've been having a ridiculously good--by which I mean "stupid"--time pillaging my CD collection ("I forgot I owned that! I forgot this band existed!") and iTunes. The latter in particular is very insidious. For 99 cents, you can find practically any stupid fucking song ever recorded . . . sort of. For example, looking up "Maybe I'm Amazed" brings up . . . Jem. From the soundtrack to "The O.C." What? Who cares! It's 99 cents! How bad could it be?
Well . . .
Anyway, like I said, I terrorize iTunes now and again, because, as you will soon see, I'll buy practically anything. Much like, well, everybody.
You know how everyone likes to claim that their musical tastes are "eclectic?" "Oh, I like everything, really." Which is complete bullshit. People may have affinities for certain genres, but by and large, since music is so broad and people are so weird, chances are that they're going to like a lot of other stuff here and there as well. So the fact that I enjoy Lyle Lovett and Alison Krauss a lot does not make me a country fan; it makes me a guy who normally despises country music that happened to find a couple of singular countryish outliers. Everybody has "eclectic" musical tastes, to the extent that everybody can be pleasantly surprised by something unexpected, but it's essentially a meaningless thing we tell ourselves to fool us into thinking we're more broad-minded than we actually are.
This list will also give the lie to any claim I could try and put on the "eclectic" label (and it's a line I've used in the past--it's practically required for college students). I'm pretty obviously just a fan of pop. Oh well. But here are the songs that I am most embarrassed to have on my iPod. And I'm not getting rid of them soon.
It's mainly only embarrassing because, as you will come to see, it's entirely emblematic of my penchant for falling in love with inconsequential, little-heard minor pop near-hits. I don't think it's a bad song qua song, but it's not got a lot going for it either. Fuckers like "I'm No Angel" is why iTunes is so lethal, and why it might ruin some of the coolness of radio in the long run. Over the past ten or fifteen years, I could count on one hand the times I heard this song on the radio, squealing, "Oh, man, I love this weird tune!" Now I can play it whenever I want. That's somehow . . . lamer. I won't again be surprised by this little not-much of a tune, and if I am, it will only be to note, "Oh, weird, I'm hearing this somewhere other than my iPod."
It's kind of charming, though. It's a song about a guy--a guy much like Gregg Allman--who is wooing a woman clearly out of his league. "I might steal your diamonds but I'll bring you gold," he sings, which is not only alarming, but also arguably not a strong economic argument. But my favorite line I find sort of touching. "Come on, baby," he sings, "Come and let me show you my tattoo." Awwwwwwwww. You know he really means it.
Canadian one-hit-wonders ahoy! Another example of a song I probably heard like five times over the past twenty years, but now I can listen to it over and over until I get some sort of Canadian ear disease. (Though true story: I karaoke'd this song once, and all the plants in the bar died.) What can you say about the Kings? You can say that band members included such names as David Diamond and Mr. Zero! Most bands can't say that! In fact, their keyboard player was named . . . Sammy Keyes!
Another thing you can say is that they recorded this song!
It's just straightforward power pop, but that chorus is some hook, boy. It's mostly that I don't know what I'll have to say to someone if they, for some reason, examine the songs on my iPod and ask me who the fuck the Kings are. You have to realize that I think about things like this.
One of the worst things about being an up-and-coming British band must be the realization that, sooner or later, the British musical press might sink their teeth into you. How many shellshocked English bands litter the historical battlefield of musical journalism, lionized by the British press one moment and then eating off-brand dog food a year later? This is what happened to Kula Shaker, an amusing if derivative bunch of fellows who made the sort of music George Harrison would have enjoyed if he had taken a temporal and stylistic left turn and joined Winger. "Govinda" is, typically, an Indian-smushed-into-Beatles vulgar mess, overwrought and overstuffed and overloved by me, at least for a few months at a time.
So! Did I download these all at the same time or what? Ha!
Yeah. I did. And yes, I do like all these fucking songs.
I don't know if it's some weird neuronal thing, but my brain loves to find stupid connections like this, which leads me to wonder if there's something else going on behind my inexplicable love for songs by a New Wave-y pop band, a metal-ly pop band and a cockapoo. There must be. Once I excitedly called a radio station--who at the time was playing a gimmick set of songs that shared the same title--to inform the nonplussed DJ that Midnight Oil, Depeche Mode, Erasure and My Bloody Valentine all had songs titled "Sometimes"!
"We don't play any of those bands," he said.
Ah, my fake-industrial years. This song is the version from the live CD You Goddamned Son of a Bitch, whose album art features a Wheel of Fortune wheel littered with barely-redacted porn shots and the immortal liner note, "Remember, RevCo is making the world a better place for you and your hog bitch girlfriend."
I was too much of a wimp-o to really be a true industrial fan. (I felt so tough buying an Einstürzende Neubauten album, and secretly hated myself when I found it to be utterly unlistenable. The cover art of an ejaculating horse probably didn't help.) I instead opted for the industrial-lite metallic bleatings of grouches like Nine Inch Nails, Nitzer Ebb (Hi, Rory) and the Revolting Cocks. This song is pure nostalgia for me, and it has the dork appeal of taking its title from Blade Runner.
This is actually a Leadbelly song, which is what makes this so deeply embarrassing: I have this and not the Leadbelly version.
Honestly? I could give a shit about the blues. Most of it I find to be a total bore; all those scratchy old recordings, all that tinny warbling over fumbling guitar strangulation. I'm one ignorant motherfucker, I know. I just can't get into it. It's embarrassing.
It's particularly embarrassing, because admitting that you don't like the blues means that you have no appreciation for the basis of rock, and it's embarrassing because it seems vaguely racist, at least to certain way-too-into-it white guys who self-consciously revere their old blues vinyl by unheard-of artists like No-Shoes Davey and Lacks-Proprioception Gavin.
Fine. I admit all of it. I'm a philistine and a schmuck and I have the ears made of wool. Whatever. I just don't care for the blues. I said it.
And as if to prove my worthlessness, I like this idiotic song. I know it's idiotic. I can hear the idiocy. And yet.
Is there anything quite like the dawning horror of realizing that you really like a song by an artist that you normally wish would just fall off a tall building? Admit it, it's happened to you. I can't even talk about this.
Ah, this is hard. Is there any other group that so eagerly and so energetically betrayed the astounding amount of talent and prowess that it exhibited in its early years than Jefferson Airplane? (I also have the fucking outstanding "Volunteers" on my iPod, just to balance things out.) I suppose one could make a case for Rod Stewart, but he's not a group, and plus, after only a few minutes of trying to think about the whole thing, you will probably become a heroin addict.
Why do I like this awful cheese log of a song? Something must have happened to me beyond my conscious level to make me like it, since it is utterly schizophrenic and sounds like the love song a dog would compose after humping a Mr. Potato Head. I truly do not understand it on any level. It's like four horrible songs all taking the same desolate onramp to damnation, with Grace Slick screaming like someone jammed an airhorn into her snatch.
How embarrassed about this song am I? I once skipped past it while I was in the grocery store because I was afraid that someone would figure out what I was listening to from the earbud leakage. But I didn't erase it.
I probably won't for a while. Sigh.
It's not on the list, but "Jane" is on there too. Shit.
Monday, 08 January
Are You There, God? It's Me, That Intolerable Griping Pud
Well, I have to say that 2007 so far has been a REAL PILE OF SHIT, people! Did I not demand not so long ago that the world needed to get better? Well, it hasn't. Stupid world.
Don't get me wrong. Nothing that horrible happened to me or anything. But there was a definite lack of awesomeness this weekend that frankly I resent. It's starting to piss me off.
For one thing, as we often do on Friday evenings, we rented a couple of horrible movies. My tens of faith-ish readers have long known about my near-fetish for appallingly bad movies, and so we figured we were in for a banner night with a double bill consisting of the remake of The Wicker Man and the screamy-meme-y Snakes on a Plane.
Snakes on a Plane featured things like a soon-to-be-dead chick with great big naked tits and a guy getting his dick bit by a reptile.
What does it say about The Wicker Man when I tell you that it could have been vastly improved by both of these things?
I never saw the original Wicker Man, but I am reliably informed that it featured all kinds of gratuitous nudity. WELL, NOT THE REMAKE, BUSTER! And the reason why is clear: director Neil LaBute, famous for such life-affirming works such as In the Company of Men, simply loathes people. All people. Only a colossal misanthrope could take a cult movie noted for its gratuitous nudity and remove all of it in favor of scenes with the ham-scented Nic Cage pointing a gun at a pagan on a bicycle, screaming "STEP AWAY FROM THE BIKE!"
You'll note that I didn't warn you about possible spoilers. That's because I don't want anyone to watch this movie. If you read that and got pissed off, thinking, Well, shit, I'm not going to watch that now, then good. Don't watch it! Nobody should watch it! Ever! It's fucking horrible! It will make you shit out your soul!
Here's another movie-ruining moment! You'll never believe who the Wicker Man is! It's Nic Cage! They burn him at the end! You can hardly see it coming, especially if you're dead or stupid or in a coma or have never once watched that VH1 show that counts down all those old horror movies and gives away all the endings anyway! You'll be shocked and stunned! Mostly at the incredibly laughable acting! Remember Vampire's Kiss? Compared to this film, Nic Cage was sleepwalking in that fucker!
Jesus fucking Christ. When they burned his stupid ass at the end, all the pagan chicks didn't even do that crazy-ass dancing. They just stood there and grinned. God.
Things didn't improve on Saturday when the wife and I went to, Lord help me, Target. (Look, don't ask.)
This required, for one thing, driving up to a section of town known as Northgate, home of the hideous and unspeakable Northgate Mall, which is where fun goes to die. I have it on good authority that at Northgate Mall, the Orange Julius outlet takes pride in pissing in each and every drink. They recently tried to spruce up the place for the holidays by putting in video monitors playing footage of three-legged dogs fucking, but the customers didn't respond well, and there was a nasty streak of suicides as a result. So now the monitors just display text messages like "WHY?" and "YOU ARE ALWAYS ALONE."
Across the street from this Gehenna is Target, and we joyously crawled up the clogged parking driveway, dodging hunted-looking customers and erratic cars before we finally found a parking place at the C3a1B level, darting into a space that was unfortunately occupied by a crack-smoking indigent; we crushed his pelvis against the wall. "YA CRUSHED MY JUNK!" he screamed, and I threw a traffic cone at his head as we locked the car, bip-bip! "Don't scratch our fender!" I yelled. He died moments later, causing a Target employee to rush out and staple a "FLOOR MODEL SALE" sign to his chest, and a minor bidding war broke out among onlookers who all wanted a discounted, slightly damaged, slightly dead junkie corpse at post-holiday prices.
Inside this horrendous place, row after row of denuded racks faced us, and blank-eyed shoppers pushed carts to and fro (and up and down--Target features a shopping cart-sized escalator, lest we consumers be forced to actually ever lift anything), loaded down with things like blister-packed six-packs of extension cords, blister-packed spousal battery complaints, blister-packed blister cream and blister-packed fake blisters. Near every checkout counter was a shocking pile of undifferentiated merchandise, all either returned, rejected or simply dumped incorrectly by some second-thought shopper, and the employees clambered over the heaping mounds of horrible crap like second-string Sherpas, calling to each other in their retail dialect: "Munchin' Purple pants 14! Three-oh!" "That's Joanie. Send it to teen humpwares."
After a long time, we got home. We of course immediately went to the nearest bar. "You guys aren't watching the Seahawks game?" asked our good bartender. "It's halftime," I said hollowly. "I really hope they do it this year . . . " he said, and I snapped, "Are you kidding?" I let him trail off into more feeble nonsense. We had two drinks apiece while I thought about how 2007 was really twisting my dick already. When we left, our bartender said, "Gonna go watch the fourth quarter, huh?" "Yeah," I replied gloomily.
Which we did. And you know what? That was pretty funny. I feel better already.
Thursday, 04 January
It's The Most Prejudging Time Of The Year
The holidays are over and summer is nowhere in sight! Woo! It's time for everyone to sit glumly and realize that there's absolutely nothing to look forward to for months. I mean, honestly. Valentine's day? For couples, it's a bunch of fucking stress, and for the loners, it's an opportunity to resent the couples.
Hollywood feels our pain, of course. In fact, they enjoy exacerbating it. This is the most horrible time of year for moviegoers, so I feel fortunate that I don't go out to see movies any more. Instead, I sit at home and prejudge them.
Smokin' Aces
Awwww! I always have a soft spot for movies with lousy titles, mainly because they are almost always 1. like the titles, horrible and 2. doomed. (There are exceptions. I cite, for example, Forrest Gump. It was massively popular. I suspect it was also horrible, but I cannot say for sure, as I never bothered to watch it.)
Like the similarly horribly-titled and horribly doomed Lucky Number Slevin, this seems to be another hitman/mobster movie. Which is fine. What's less fine is that the star of the picture is Jeremy Piven. I mean, I have no real beef with Mr. Piven--in fact, that's kind of the problem. I actually don't think of him at all, including whenever he's onscreen. I know I've seen him in a dozen movies or so; it's just that he's so workmanlike and efficient, I never even notice him. He's like the washing machine: it makes noise, but you don't really pay any attention to it.
Maybe the supporting cast can help out! Let's see, there's Ben "Remember me?" Affleck, Peter Berg and Jason Bateman! Now, those are . . . other people who exist in the world!
Miss Potter
Who pitched this?
"Okay, check it out. It's like Finding Neverland, only instead of J.M. Barrie, it's--"
"Who's J.M. Barrie?"
"The Johnny Depp guy. Anyway, this time it's Beatrix Potter!"
"Who's Beatrix Potter?"
"The rabbit chick. Uncle Wiggly or some shit."
"What the fuck are you--listen, gimme the bullet."
"Oscar bait. We've got Renee Zellweger and Ewan MacGregor and that pinched, pasty English chick with the limp hair."
"Kristin Scott Thomas?"
"The other one."
"Emily Watson?"
"I love it."
The Hitcher
Anyone get the feeling that Hollywood is kind of scraping with the whole horror remake thing? The original 1986 movie with C. Thomas Howell, Rutger Hauer and Jennifer Jason Leigh was memorable mostly for the infamous french fry scene and the slightly toe-curling ending. This film was hardly crying out for a redo, except possibly for Howell, who must surely be asking, "Uh, can I try that again?"
I can't wait for pointlessly gore-filled remakes of such timeless classics such as Lifeforce (with Patrick Stewart and an always-naked Mathilda May!) or Knight Moves (with Christopher Lambert, Diane Lane and a thankfully not-naked Tom Skerritt!)
Epic Movie
You know, I'm sorry if you're one of these people, but I kind of want to take people who go see things like Scary Movie and Date Movie or whatever and shake them until their teeth fall out. Why do people put up with this fucking shit? Why do they pay money to watch this depressing crap? Jesus Christ, man, SNL is just as horrible, and it's free and comes right to your TV.
Whatever. This latest sewage attack features a bunch of no-name fuckholes (and, depressingly, a couple of genuinely funny people in Fred Willard and Jennifer Coolidge) listlessly gumming the half-erect jokes that are to be had by lampooning such cinematic events as the Harry Potter films and that wretched Narnia movie.
IMDB lists one character as "Breast Bite Girl" (and boy is that actress' listing . . . something) and another as "Manboobs!" Another is "Crotch Bite Guy" and poor Coolidge is apparently "The White Bitch of Gnarnia."
Look, I like potty humor and blue jokes well enough--hell, just look at my last entry. But is this the best we can do? Is this what people are crying out for? Maybe they can work in some Britney Spears jokes? Some dwarf footage? Maybe someone can just take a shit right onto the camera lens.
Please don't see this fucking movie. I'm begging you. Don't give these jackholes your money. I know it's the dead of winter and there's nothing in sight to look forward to, but I'm telling you . . . we can get through this.
Tuesday, 02 January
Ass First Into The New Year
Hey! Did you see what I did there? I took a big old break from posting during the holidays, and I didn't even mean to! Welcome to 2007, a year that hopefully might suck fewer balls than some previous years I could mention (I'm looking at you, 1971.)
I wish I could say it was pure holiday bliss that was keeping me busy, and there was some of that, but really? I, uh . . . well, I guess I didn't feel like it. Lame, I know, but there you go: between a lot of time off and (let's face it) a lot of drinking, well, I just didn't.
In truth, I also didn't have a lot to write about. Don't get me wrong, the holidays were great. But it's not exactly blog fodder when I spend Christmas with the in-laws and totally fail to do something spectacularly awful like inadvertently screaming "FUCK!" in front of them during a trivia game after mixing up Fatal Attraction and Basic Instinct. No, this year we sipped wine and sampled cheese before genteelly attacking our stockings. (Mine contained things like a travel toothbrush and an apple. You see?)
I must say, however, that I rocked it pretty good with some of my gifts. For the wife, I got a pretty swell little digito-camera, the better so that she can take high quality photos of me as I work out on the stripper pole that I had installed in the bedroom. She already has some great closeups of my winker as I do the inverted flying V down that puppy.
And for the brother-in-law, well, I outdid myself. He's a music fan, as are a lot of the young people, so I got him some pretty awesome CDs. I did my research into the current music scene, and I must say, while it's kind of confusing, there are some pretty neat new genres out there that I'd never heard of, so I got him some really spankin' music by bands who are cutting it up pretty monkey: I got him some strum 'n bass (singer-songwriters who play their instruments with fish), some bad-ass cornhowl (countrified gay death metal), and this really exciting platter from some cats who rock it all electrocoustic. It's an amazing genre: these guys play acoustic instruments, such as guitars and pianos, but with lots of electric processing, distortion and effects. They're named Boston, and all I can say is, I think the brother-in-law has been waiting "such a long time" to hear these new sounds.
What else? I did find myself in a ruminative mood over the holidays, and spent a lot of time thinking about the impending new year, and how I could improve myself. But then I thought: Why the fuck am I always having to improve myself? I'm getting old and brittle. Fuck improving myself. Why don't we ever ask: How can the world improve itself, specifically for me? I mean, we're Americans, here. (I'm speaking to my American readers, of course. For the rest of you, you should have thought to ask this question before we Americans got to be so awesome.) Why can't the world shape up and stop fucking me? I think if we all stopped and asked ourselves this on a daily basis, we'd . . . oh, wait. I'm being told that we already do this. So what the fuck, world? I'm still occasionally unhappy. Get your shit straight.
Oh! I do remember one very fond holiday memory from 2006. I found myself, you see, thinking of things that do not go together at all. Like, say, "Jonathan Silverman" and "exposure to film." Have you fucking seen that this rancid fuck has gotten himself a new sitcom? Who keeps giving this one-expression mope work? (Check his resume on IMDB if you enjoy feeling vertiginous nausea, since in his long list of horrors, there is not one creditable entry to be found. It's like the anti-Schindler's list, in that you're unhappy that any of them survived.)
So one day I found myself musing about what other things just didn't go with certain other things. And one thing in particular kept coming up in my mind: shitting. There's a lot of things that go great with shitting: reading, idly shaking the jar of bath salts, staring at patterns in the floor tiles. And there's a lot of things that just don't go with shitting. Eating came right to mind. It just doesn't make sense. To confirm this, I took a bucket of popcorn with me into the bathroom one day, and it really didn't feel right. You just don't want to touch the stuff, so I resorted to trying to dump the stuff into my maw right from the bucket, but the snowdrifts of corn that accumulated around my ankles were also discomfiting.
I won't go into the pickle episode. Pickles should only be eaten at home while standing in front of an open fridge. Let's just leave it at that.
I also did not countenance the whole juvenile thing about fucking and shitting, blah blah blah, Cleveland Steamers and all that. No. I am not a sniggering frat boy. This was a genuine Gedankenexperiment, and I would not tarnish its integrity with schoolboy fripperies.
But shitting still remained on my mind. And after hours of holiday meditation, I had it. The two things that simply do not go together at all. I now present my findings.
One simply must not take a dump while flossing. This is, I submit, much worse than eating while crapping, if only for the terrible periodontal intimacy that accompanies flossing. (This thought originally sprang from the ur-idea of simply picking one's teeth with a toothpick while shitting was unacceptable--which it is--and then evolved. For you see, I am a thoughtful man.) I would further posit that--I confess that I have not actually tried--it is, in fact, impossible for one to floss while defecating.
And there my thought experiment reposed for a few days. Until I mentioned my theories to the wife. She made a moue and then, I like to think, was inspired to deliberate. She seemed to consider my conclusions for a few moments. Then she said:
You see why I married this perfect woman?
Happy belated holidays, everyone. Don't forget to floss!


text:
View Gallery
- Villa
- 2 Bedrooms
- Sleeps 5
- 2 Baths
- Oceanfront
Just steps from the beach, this non-smoking second floor villa offers ocean views and access to the free community swimming pool. You can make breakfast for the whole family in the updated kitchen, and then enjoy your morning coffee on the deck overlooking the pool. The master features a king bed and an ensuite bathroom with a double vanity. The second bedroom has a queen sized bed. A twin sleeper sofa in the living room provides additional bedding.
No Sportscard - Wild Dunes' amenities are limited to golf, dining, and bike trails.
Each Summer House Villa includes: free parking, deck, elevator access, free access to community swimming pool, initial supply of linens and towels, washer and dryer, color cable TV, air conditioning, starter supply of paper products and detergents, fully equipped kitchen with dinnerware, flatware, pots and pans, plus local telephone service and 24-hour security in a gated community.
The wireless service operates on an open network that requires no logins or passwords and provides no network security. Wireless internet services are not guaranteed to work with your equipment. We cannot provide support for guest's personal computer systems.Read More
Pool/Hot Tub/Sauna
Bedroom Features
Exterior Features
Read More
- Casual Dining
- Coffee House
- Dancing/Disco
- Fine Dining
- Fishing
- Golf
- Grocery Store
- Hiking
- Horseback Riding
- Hospital
- Jet Skiing
- Kite Surfing
- Live Theatre
- Museums
- National Park
- Nature Preserve
- Parasailing
- Pharmacy
- Pub/Bar
- Rafting
- Shelling
- Shopping
- Snorkeling/Diving
- Spa
- State Park
- Surfing
- Tennis
- Tiki Bar/Grill
- Urgent Care
- Water Park
- Windsurfing
- Yolo/Paddleboarding
- Zoo/Wildlife
- Check-in Office Name:
- Isle of Palms
- 1400 Palm Blvd.
- Suite N
- Isle of Palms
- South Carolina, 29451
- Check In Time: 04:00 PM
- Check Out Time: 10:00 AM
- Navigate to Check In Office
- Navigate to Home
- Office Phone: 800-877-0837
- Reservation Phone: 800-247-5050
- Check-In Phone: 800-877-0837
- Maintenance Phone: 843-886-9840
- After Hours Phone: 800-877-0837
- Office Fax: 843-886-3055
- Email: email@example.com
Read More
- Office Hours: 8:00AM to 6:00PM from Easter to Labor Day; otherwise 9:00AM to 5:00PM
- After Hours Check-In Procedures: If a guest does not arrive by closing time, their check-in packet is placed in a lockbox, located just outside our Front Desk office, in the drive-thru lane. The lockbox assignment info is sent to our after-hours call center, and guests can retrieve their info by calling 1-800-877-0837. Guests can drive around the back of the building and pull in to the center lane of the drive-thru to retrieve their check in packet. An 800 number is posted on the lockboxes and on the front door if assistance is needed. There is also a sign on the front door directing guests to the lockbox location.

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Getting value from employer visits
With limited careers funding, your school or college needs all the discretionary support it can get from employers. Managed well, visits and talks can inspire pupils and motivate significantly higher levels of positive engagement with your careers service. That should result in more of them moving promptly into the world of work or further training, and less becoming NEETs.
Preparation is necessary, but it's no exaggeration to say that the value of your time spent may well be paid back dozens of times over. That's because, left to chance, such visits not only risk consuming your already stretched resources, they can end up demotivating many students and leave some with an enduring sense of hopelessness. If an employer gets it wrong on the day, you're worse off than if they hadn't agreed to come along in the first place.
Firstly, it's important to understand what motivates an individual employer to commit resources and money to a school or college visit. Obviously, they have an eye on future staffing, but since employers may be local, regional, national or even international, the picture isn't so simple.
- Some employers, and some key people inside them, feel a genuine sense of social contribution from helping to advise and guide young people, regardless of any vested interest.
- Others have access to large CSR (corporate social responsibility) budgets and this is just one channel for them to spend that budget.
- It's not uncommon for visit-funding to come from marketing budgets, and visits may form part of a PR (public relations) exercise, linking through to brand-building or advertising campaigns.
- Larger organisations with newly launched apprenticeship and degree apprenticeship schemes may see school visits as a more effective form of recruitment than trying to drive website-traffic.
- Local employers may see school visits as a cheaper recruitment method than advertising.
Additionally, the quality of the person turning up on the day can vary from the truly committed and charismatic right through to the utterly incompetent, via the uncaring ones sent out on punishment duty, just to get them out of the way for a while. That can all make for a random experience for your students.
Regardless, the picture seems like a no-brainer – they want employees, potentially you have lots of them. However, one of the worst things you can possibly do is to have a local employer with three places to fill deliver a talk which is basically a sales pitch at the 'brightest and best', the 'cream of the crop' or the 'elite'. They might hoover up their quota of three from your 150 students, but they may also leave behind 147 disillusioned youngsters that you have to re-motivate, if that's even possible by then. There are four key steps to take, to get the best out of an employer visit.
Take control
If employers want an opportunity to speak to your pupils, make sure they do so on your terms, as they have so much more they can give than just presenting a list of open vacancies. Your job is to make sure they put the effort in, go the extra mile and engage with and inspire ALL of your students, not just a select few. The bottom line is – if they want access to your potential, you want access to theirs.
Choose your activities
Agree the scope of activities that the employer is willing to engage in. From your point of view, a straightforward talk is universally inclusive, time-effective for all parties and easiest to organise. It may well be the best starting point. However, depending on your time and resources, further useful events may involve such things as search / CV / application workshops, mock interviews, mentoring sessions, workplace visits and work experience periods.
Set out your expectations
Make it clear to potential employers that they'll need to present the bigger picture, and include ALL students in their talk, if they're sincere about wanting to help young people. They should at least make the following points:
- The world of work doesn't only involve highly talented stellar performers, bent on a world-encompassing, Nobel prize-winning career path. There's always a need for high numbers of people who just want a job they can enjoy.
- Engineering businesses, for example, don't just recruit engineers. They employ people in a diverse range of jobs which can include the functions of: sales; marketing; administration; customer service; IT; design; support; project management; assembly work; inventory management; accounting; law and so on.
- Conversely, just because someone wants to work in an engineering field, it doesn't mean they're limited to fridge-making, or whatever your local employer does. The could instead choose to work in the automotive, marine, environmental, aerospace, renewable energy, defence or transportation sectors, depending upon their interests.
Even though a local employer may be a useful starting point for a school leaver, visiting employers should be prepared to talk about jobs and career paths relative to the whole world of work, even though they'll obviously, and rightly, be using examples from their own company. Their own vacancies should be secondary, but if they deliver an inspiring talk they will undoubtedly attract the students they want. Importantly for you, they won't be simultaneously disenfranchising the remainder.
Give visiting employers key messages
- Tell it like it is. If a visiting employer wants to inspire their audience, they don't need to stress about not being a charismatic entertainer. A good real-world story and some amusing anecdotes will grip the toughest audience, and teenagers can undoubtedly be a tough nut to crack.
- Talk about the heroes. Pupils and students don't necessarily want the detail. In fact, it may be a turn off. A story about a technician's personal experience overcoming a challenging situation will generate more application-enthusiasm than the description of their training modules and work experience ever might.
- Include everyone. The world of work needs infantry, as well as future captains. Diverse choices are available, such that everyone can be included in the world of work, no matter what the extent of their ambitions.
- Don't forget the late developers. A lot of teenagers have zero idea what they really want to do yet. However, there's no reason they can't engage in the world of work until such time as they find out what that is.
- Explain the 'work' deal. Employers give people money in exchange for doing something, reliably, respectfully and honestly. The idea that they need to keep their end of the agreement or they'll be out will be an alien concept to some teenagers. However, if someone does just want enough money to watch the footie, club it and enjoy themselves at weekends, there's space for them to do that, so long as they're prepared to turn up reliably during the week.
Just like decorating, it's all in the preparation
Research from the CBI and the Careers & Enterprise company clearly demonstrates the value of visiting employers to both pupils and schools / colleges. Young adults who have greater levels of contact with visiting employers are considerably less likely to become NEET and can expect to earn almost 20% more than peers who haven't experienced work-place encounters.
There is clear value for all parties, but for your school or college to benefit to the maximum, you need to make sure that visiting employers aren't just out on an easy ride for a few hours. They need to put the effort in beforehand and be prepared to work the room hard. If they shy away from that, look elsewhere, because I suggest you're probably better off without them.
Jon Gregory is an employability specialist, working with schools, employers and parents to help young people into work and a career. He's a published author in this field, writes for several leading websites and he edits Win-That-Job.com, a site providing free employability advice and tips. Jon also tweets advice from @letsfirewalk


text:
Spill Kits & Containment
O. Reg. 224/07: SPILL PREVENTION AND CONTINGENCY PLANS
under Environmental Protection Act, R.S.O. 1990, c. E.19
Spill prevention.
Spill Kits enable a rapid, comprehensive and safe response to any spill hazard. They are essential for cutting off water or chemical-borne disaster.
Facilities with chemicals such as solvents, disinfectants, fuel, or any waste or runoff, should consider investing in spill kits.
Commercial vehicles should have spill kits for fuel and diesel spills.
Never overfill the fuel tank.
In the event of a major or minor fuel spill, notify the attendant to get it cleaned up immediately using an approved absorbent material.
If you are fueling your vehicle in a remote area, you are responsible to have spill supplies easily accessible for minor spills. Notify CANUTEC for major spills.
"Outstanding! The presenter used many examples with explanations."John Wirta
"The TDG training I received recently was very well presented. Mike was a very good speaker and the information flowed well."Wes, Vale
"Good job, excellent speaker."Ron L.


text:
Smart Buying System Specialist
Cell: 864-616-0506
Email: email@example.com
Iris Wainright ABR, CRS, GRI
New Home Sales Professional
"Your Key To The Upstate"
Cell: 864-616-0506
Office: 864-448-1234
EFax: 888-616-5569
Email: firstname.lastname@example.com
Website: www.carolinamoves.com
Designations & Affiliations
Graduate Wyatt Institute of Real Estate 1995
Member South Carolina Association of Realtors
Member Greater Greenville Board of Realtors
Member Greenville's Multiple Listing of Services
Member Home Builders Association
Relocation Specialist
Luxury Home Specialist
I am truly blessed to be living in Greenville since 1990 with my husband, Chris, who served in the Navy. We have 2 married daughters, 6 grandchildren, 2 great grands which bring us laughter & joy along with our spoiled Cavachon dog, Lacey. We have lived in Georgia, Florida, and Virginia so I understand the Relocation process to assist sellers & buyers in a stress free move. We have built 4 personal homes so I am passionate about assisting my clients in design & construction of their new home. In my spare time I enjoy travel with my husband and shopping for antiques. We love being involved in our local church. I have been a keynote speaker at conferences motivating others to fulfil their God given purpose.
Client First Philosophy:
My "Client-First" philosophy has always been my approach and it requires me to continually improve my skills and ways of doing business. As a Greenville real estate professional for over 20 years, I've found that providing excellent client services means keeping myself accessible, being a great listener as well as a great communicator and responding quickly to my client's real estate needs.
Many of my clients are referred to me by highly satisfied previous clients. My hallmarks are integrity, in-depth community & market knowledge, effective negotiation skills and high quality professional network. When you are ready to make the decision to sell or purchase a new home in the Greenville or surrounding areas, please contact me so I can be your Key To The Upstate.
First Time Homeowner
Luxury Properties
New Construction
Accredited Buyer's Representative (ABR)
Certified Residential Specialist (CRS)
Graduate Real Estate Institute (GRI)


text:
91R051G Oregon Ripping chainsaw chain RipCut 3/8 LP 51 DL .050
Finally in here is 1 brand new 10 degree RipCut Oregon chain. 91R051G Ripping chain .This chain is 3/8 low profile .050 gauge and 51 drive links. Fits standard 14" Stihl chainsaw with 1.3mm bar with bigger sprocket using 51DL.
Any saw mill worker will tell you that ripping chain is different from all other saw chains. You need a special kind of chain like this for ripping cuts, the kind that transforms raw timber into boards and planks used in homes and cabins. Oregon RipCut is designed specifically for chain type mills,producing smooth cuts with extreme efficiency.
RipCut's precise ripping cuts give you a smooth surface every time you cut parallel to the wood grain. RipCut isn't recommended for handheld use, but that suits experienced millwrights just fine.
Fits any Bar stamped (3/8LP) 3/8 Low Profile .050 or (1.3mm) 51 DL
Sharpens at 10 degree angle with 5/32" file


text:
A few weeks ago we flew in to Manila for Blogapalooza Horizons 2.0 (which will be in a separate post), we stayed in Novotel Manila Araneta Center which was a very nice hotel right beside Araneta Coliseum. Not too far from Malls like "Gateway Mall, Shop Wise and Araneta Center" and also just a few minutes away from SM Megamall and Edsa Shangri-la Mall. I knew we we're in for a luxurious treat right when I looked at their building. I WAS RIGHT!
The hotel's stunning contemporary design features 401 stylish suites, a pillarless Grand Ballroom, seven meeting spaces and an outdoor bridal garden, along with numerous other first-rate amenities. Sample global fare at Novotel Manila Araneta Center's all-day dining establishment Food Exchange Manila, unwind with personalized cocktails at the Gourmet Bar or enjoy breathtaking city views at the Pool Bar and Lounge.
When you enter the room, this is what you'll notice first. The COMFY Beds (One of the reasons I always woke up late there lol)
Then you'll see the Pool right outside our Window. Refreshing site to see to get your mind off the hustle and bustle of the City.
The Comfort Room was also nice, great features like the separate Toilet and Shower (so the floor won't get wet when you use the toilet), Complete with Hair-dryer (Hair on Fleek), Mirror, Ring-Light (or Square light lol for that perfect Bathroom Selfie) and Toiletries.
The Best part of the trip was probably this. BUFFET BREAKFAST! I can't stop thinking about the "Homemade Corned Beef" that we ate. Which was of course what I ate for two days stay lol
Thank you Novotel Manila Araneta Center for having us! til' next time!
For more info Visit their website here or Like them on Facebook here and Follow them on Instagram @novotelmanilaaranetacenter.


text:
Nancy K. Montagna, PhD is an ART trainer and a licensed clinical psychologist. She has had a private practice in downtown Silver Spring, MD for 40 years and has learned and integrated many approaches to psychotherapy. She has designed courses in Emotional Intelligence has trained health promoters in Latin America to run a program for domestic violence offenders.
She was happy with her work, but then, in 2015, she got trained in ART. ART is revolutionary, and challenged her many preconceived notions about how much time and relationship was required to produce the changes people seek when they come to a therapist. So, at a time when she might be retiring, she is very excited to spread this wonderful tool against suffering!
Nancy's other interests include family and friends, nature, prehistory, dancing, health, gardening, and political activism toward a world where everyone has opportunity and basic security.


text:
Brand Guides
Results: 12
Results: 12
Mud flaps and splash guards protect your truck from mud and debris on the road. They are available in black rubber or plastic, stainless steel or diamond plated designs. These mud flaps can be installed on either the front or rear tires.
You have no items in your shopping cart.
Please wait...


text:
Today's post is something new. I'm talking all about my favorite boutique! If you are familiar with any of my social media, then I am sure you've heard of Dress Up. However, you do not know my story with Dress Up and why I support their mission.
I started shopping at Dress Up all the way back in 2011 when they opened their Woodstock store. Woodstock is my hometown and home to one of Dress Up's first locations. I just realized how old I was went I sat down to do the math. I started shopping at Dress Up when I was in seventh grade, and I've shopped here for 8 years. I am now a junior in college. Given that I'm only 20, that's almost a third of my lifetime.
Why have I stayed so loyal to Dress Up and what's brought me back?
Well first off, the clothes are adorable. They're adorable and affordable, adding new styles every week. On top of the reasonable prices, Dress Up runs sales all the time. They text me whenever there's deals! If you're interested, you can sign up for text alerts whenever you're in store. After Christmas, there was a promotion running for 40% off everything in-store and online, which is probably the most damage I've ever done at Dress Up.
The mission of Dress Up is to show the love of Christ and help women realize their worth, "Love People, Love Clothes." Danielle Case founded Dress Up with her husband and launched her first brick and mortar store five weeks after she had the innovation to start a boutique. I don't simply go to Dress Up to shop, but also for the experience. The website, store, employees, and every social media platform have an aesthetic that is prevalent throughout the brand.
Dress Up gets personal and interacts with their followers on Instagram, demonstrating their gratitude through thanking customers for their support. The shopdressup Instagram is chalk full of outfit inspiration, new arrivals, and photos sent in by customers, sporting their favorite brand. Dress Up builds authentic relationships with their customers, and that's where my loyalty was sparked.
I am honored to be able to say that I've watched Dress Up flourish over the years. I was introduced to a start-up with 4 locations, but that has now expanded into 20 locations across the Southeast in 4 different states. Since moving to Statesboro, the closest store is in Savannah. I either shop there Woodstock, Athens, or Charleston depending where my travels lead me. Even if there isn't a Dress Up near you, you can easily shop online! Y'all they make it so easy, the options are endless.
What are you waiting for?? Go treat yourself at Dress Up.
Outfits with Dress Up
xx, God Bless,
Follow Along


text:
What is rental yield?
- Rental yield measures the ongoing return on your investment property
- It lets you compare your investment property to other investments
- Rental yield doesn't include capital growth
How do you work out rental yield?
If you've been looking into property investment, chances are you've come across the term "rental yield". As an investor, rental yield helps you assess the potential income and cash flow of an investment property.


text:
This is the amplicon context sequence in accordance with the minimum information for the publication of real-time quantitative PCR experiements (MIQE) guidelines. For more details, please refer to the following publication, "Primer Sequence Disclosure: A Clarification of the MIQE Guidelines."
ddPCR™ probe assay designed for gene expression analysis. Probe assays consist of unlabeled PCR primers and a dual labeled fluorescent probe.
Info: HEX; Same primer pair and probe as used in qPCR assay qRnoCIP0031032; intron_spanning
Assay Information
Gene Information
carrier protein involved with the transport of cystine and other amino acids across the membrane [RGD, Feb 2006]


text:
Blog Stats
- 2,097 hits
April 2019 M T W T F S S « Aug 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
- Follow Red Breast on WordPress.com
Rutte or Wilders?#Netherlands #Rutte #Wilders — Red Breast (@the_redbreast) March 14, 2017 One Dutch Election the World Will Be Watching… Advertisements
This story blew me right off my chair coughing up my coffee, and had me reconsider today's regular Sunday Surf Trip. Everybody knows there are no sharks around Lisbon, but my next dip into the cold ocean was no doubt … Continue reading
Why don't 99% of people have what they want in life?
Well, because 99% of people DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT! Continue reading
To call Lisbon a great place is to insult the beauty of this marvellous sunny city almost to an libellous degree. As soon as I arrived here, I knew that it was here that I was going to fulfill my God-given … Continue reading
ROME NEVER FOUGHT TO IMPOSE a political idea or a religious creed. On the contrary, she left local institutions and manners of thought untouched. In Rome's imperial expansion, self defence was accounted the first motive; but trade inevitably followed and … Continue reading
NO ONE EVER SAID THAT life is fair. As for you, do you gain strength from Nietzsche's adage 'that what does not kill you makes you stronger' ? Or do you put your fists in the pocket and boil for … Continue reading
First click on the picture – it will take you to the interactive map. Each moving point on the map represents 25 people. Only a small fraction of refugees fleeing their homes make it to Europe. Hover over countries to show … Continue reading
FOR EACH TYPE OF FISH you must prepare in a certain way. Each species behaves different – prefers varying depth, light and temperature. Fish isn't just fish. Got to have the right equipment to handle each type. You have to … Continue reading
"But little by little he gained courage, flew close to him, and drew with his little bill a thorn that had become imbedded in the brow of the Crucified One. And as he did this there fell on his breast … Continue reading


text:
By Evan James.
Well, much to my surprise, one of the better well-known secret warriors from Shadowfist did not make it into his own sourcebook. I really thought I would see a bit of Kan Li, but no. Therefore, I shall re-print this very short story I wrote a few months ago, complete with stats for the main man himself at the end. Enjoy!
The sounds of clanking swords and hurtful yells filled the voluminous pagoda corridors. Shing looked up and scanned the dark hallways that trailed away from Kan Li's throne room. "Have they broken in?" he wondered aloud. Kan turned to address his servant. "Why don't you go find out?" he asked, his voice a cold monotone.
A worried look etched itself onto Shing's face, wrinkling his appearance that crosscut all the way up his bald head. He stood and quickly scurried out of the room. Kan spun and approached his throne when a cry and a shuffle regained his thoughts. He turned to see Shing stumbling over backwards, his face and body laced with bruises, followed by a gathering of rebel troops saturated with the blood of his soldiers. One of them, a tall man with a streak of silver in his hair, stepped ahead of the rest and pointed a wicked blade directly at Kan, "Your reign of evil ends today!"
Kan smiled slightly, "If your men leave now and return to their farms, they may be spared. You, however, you will not survive this night."
Emitting a warrior's cry, the rebel surged forward up the platform's steps. Kan held his ground until the last second when he ducked to the side and grabbed the man's sword arm. With a flick of his wrist, he toppled the rebel leader to his back and brought a booted heel down upon his neck, ending the man's life.
Golden doors on all sides opened, allowing a flood of fresh soldiers into the room. They swarmed the small band of rebels, hacking and destroying them. Kan Li watched on as his villainous laughter drowned out the chaotic battle playing out before him.
Last modified: September 10th, 1997; please send comments to email@example.com.


text:
Star Wars and language
With the next instalment of the Star Wars is soon to come to cinemas, and we here at Lingua Translations are very excited to see The Last Jedi!
Star Wars has been on our screens for decades. Episode IV – A New hope was released in 1977! Since then the trilogy (Episodes 4-6) inspired a generation. That generation had to wait a further 2 decades for the prequel trilogy (1-3) which showed Luke's father and how he became Darth Vader. At this point a new generation of viewers enjoyed the fantasy world of Star Wars. In 2012, Disney confirmed it had purchased the rights to make further films for the franchise. Episode 7 (The Force Awakens) came out in 2015, followed quickly by 'Rogue One' (not part of the trilogies), and now Episode 8: The Last Jedi is next.
Star Wars has been a worldwide phenomenon. Go anywhere in the world and they will know Darth Vader, or Luke Skywalker. Star Wars has been translated/ dubbed into 50 languages. Harry Potter books have been translated in 68 languages, so there will still a while to go before they win the translation race! The latest language Star Wars has been translated into is Navajo, keeping the language alive for their children by promoting it through the franchise.
Languages in Star Wars
It would've been highly unrealistic to believe that ever character in Star Wars spoke English – considering they are from all over the Galaxy! Chewbacca for example speaks Shyriiwook. Chewy doesn't speak but understands English (Galactic Basic), and is normally understood by Hans Solo. R2-D2 speaks 'Droitspeak' along with the modern-day bot of BB-8. Some of the better-known languages in Star Wars include Ewokese, Huttese, Jawaese and Ubese.
For those who love Star Wars are surely aware there are so many different forms of communication known in the franchise. C-3PO has the ability to understand more than 6 million forms of communication! When meeting the Ewoks, they thought he was a God. C-3PO then needed to try and persuade the Ewoks not to kill Hans Solo and the gang.
C-3PO isn't the only linguist lurking around too. Earlier I wrote that Hans Solo can understand and interpret Chewbacca in his Shyrillwook dialect. In episode 4, he was also able to understand Greedo who speaks an 'unspecified alien language'. Clearly travelling around the galaxy has allowed him to learn and understand many dialects!
Keen linguists might notice that Star Wars languages lack the detail and technique of other fantasy languages such as Klingon (Star Trek) and Elvish (Lord of the Rings). With Elvish and Klingon grammatical rules and vocabularies have been worked out, so you can hear the occasional fan speak a few phrases. But there is a guide to help you along the galaxy. The Galactic Phrase Book and Travel Guide has been put together by data from the books and films to try and give a guide of phrases, vocabulary and rules.
A little off topic, but something I do think is amazing….
Star Wars and religion
Star Wars is not just a film for some people, but a way of life. In the 2001 census, over 390,000 UK respondents entered their religion as Jedi! In New Zealand and Australia, they too saw a surge of Jedi in their censuses. This is the effect of Star Wars! The Jedi code has been modified for us earthlings to follow. It is a concept that the Force is an energy field, for all living things that binds the galaxy together. The modifications left out the fictional element of telekinesis.


text:
Locksmith Black Diamond
Work with the best locksmiths in the Black Diamond area and call our engineers at Mr.Master Locksmith Black Diamond!
With 17 years of experiences, top of the line tools and unmatched locksmith expertise, our team at Mr.Master Locksmith Black Diamond is ready to provide you with the perfect services for your locksmith needs.
Look no further, our experience and portfolio of gratified customers are our guarantees for your satisfaction. Fast, efficient and reliable – these are the top qualities we strive to deliver through all our locksmith projects.
And that is not all – we guarantee an incredible only 15 minutes response time anywhere in Black Diamond! Call us now and Check our expertise!
Lcoskmiths Black Diamond
Black Diamond 24 hours a day, 7 days in a week and we guarantee a 15 minutes response time!
Our local Black Diamond locksmith services guarantee safety and privacy to our clients. Mr.Master Locksmith is the 24/7 emergency locksmith that will unlock car, office or home doors without extra damages. We take care of any of your emergencies promptly with high proficiency in the Black Diamond area.
Our techniques and qualified practices will assure your home and business safety. Along with other locksmiths services we provide outstanding customer service and are highly recommended by various clients and Guarantee Reasonable prices.


text:
Buying LÜDECKE products is the greatest mark of confidence. Maintaining the trust of our customers is our constant goal: We like to be the provider of choice for our existing clients as well as future customers.
We want always make sure to offer a premium all-round service. This includes individual and comprehensive consultation, transparent project planning and implementation, extensive marketing support as well as customer specific trainings.
Our claim is to build a great team together with our customers and always deliver an optimized solution.
There's nothing like a personal conversation. For any questions, we recommend a detailed and individual consultation with our competent contact persons.
Our catalogues, brochures, flyers as well as our homepage give a first insight about the LÜDECKE range of services. Especially for new customers or if you're requesting an individual solution or the usage of a new LÜDECKE product, we recommend a comprehensive consultation. This can be easily done by phone. Our sales and technical team is also willed to visit at any time on site, to gain an exact overview of the application and the existing requirements.
Each customer gets a personal contact person. Thus, we ensure quick and competent help on any occurring problem.
Take the opportunity and get your products assembled to your desired hose – directly at LÜDECKE. We will be happy to advise you choosing the right fitting and assembly method.
Your advantages
- Long-time experience
- Superior on-site testing possibilities
- Accredited hose assembly inspectors and testers
- Trials of the hose line under realistic operation conditions
- Reliable statement about the suitability for the intended application
You have any questions? We are pleased to help you!


text:
You do not need a magical formula for a magical trip. It is enough to look at a map, and with our vessels and guidance, take a trip down to the island of Dugi otok. This island is full of contrasts and it is also the largest island in the so called group of north-dalmatian islands. It measures around 45 kilometers in length and 1 to 4 kilometers in width. Its highest peak is the Vela Straža measuring at 338 meters, with a steep southwest coast and a series of so called »uvalas« in which the world famous sandy beach Sakarun and national park Telašćica stand out the most.
One of the most beautiful natural resources on the island is definitely its beaches and bays. Near the Sakarun beach are the cities of Veli rat, Verunić, Soline and Boža. The beach got its reputation from the white sand and clean sea, surrounded by a pine forest, which provides shade during the hot summer months. The beach is 800 meters long and covers an unbelievable area of 250 square meters. The sea is only 3,5 meters deep, so it is perfect even for small children. Along the beach there are two restaurants where you can enjoy a number of fine cuisines. If you love the beach, we recommend renting a boat and a taking a trip to the beautiful beach Sakarun.
Protected area called Park prirode Telašćica is located north of national park Kornati. We sail to it through the artificially deepened channel Proversa Mala. Before us, the view opens to the entrance of one of the largest and most beautiful natural bays in the Adriatic Sea – Telašćica. It contains 25 beaches. The whole coast measures an astonishing 69 kilometers. Inside the park there are 13 islands of which the most interesting are the Katina around the park's entrance and Taljurič on the outer side of Dugi otok. The most visited attractions are certainly the salt lake Mir in the bay with the same name and outer walls – cliffs of Dugi otok which measure 166 meters above sea level. The vessel can be attached to one of the buoys in the bay of Mir. The admission fee to the Park Telašćica also covers the use of a buoy for one day. The beach offers a lot of opportunities for walks, sightseeing and dining. There are restaurants on the island of Katina, in the channel of Proversa Mala, bay Mir and Magrovica.


text:
Study finds that men of all ages want women in their mid-20s
If you're female, straight and in your mid-20s, congratulations.
Men of all ages want to be with you.
This mindblowing discovery was made by a group of Finnish researchers, published in a study on Friday says, reports Time.
The study looked at data gathered from 12,000 Finns and found that men of all ages - yes, younger and older - have a sexual preference for women in their mid-20s.
The authors of the study say this is "likely because women of this age are the most fertile".
On the other hand, women prefer partners who are about their age or slightly older. Who, well, all want to be with Jennifer Lawrence. Who is 24. And gorgeous.
But here's something to lift your spirits, women: The report also suggests that men are "more unlikely than women to have sex with their ideal partners", because women are more selective than men.
Source: Time
Get The New Paper on your phone with the free TNP app. Download from the Apple App Store or Google Play Store now


text:
romantic room decoration gurgaon for surprise your partner
you want to give surprise your partner with romantic decoration in Gurgaon ?
We Provide romantic room decoration in Gurgaon to give surprises for him/her on Wedding Anniversary romantic room decoration or Birthday romantic room decoration in Gurgaon.
The decoration includes heart-shaped balloons, red ribbons, red rose petals, flowers, candles etc all. So, what are you waiting for surprise your partner with a dose of romance.
You Want to decorate bedroom for romantic night in Gurgaon ?
Surprise your loved one with Decorate your place with balloon & flowers petals, candles. Perfect surprise at home for birthdays and anniversaries. with Romantic Balloon decoration in Gurgaon Delhi Noida
We will create awe-inspiring decors as per your liking and make sure we make the moment unforgettable for you and your loved ones. Want romantic room decorated at midnight? No Problem!
Life is a journey! And some key milestones need to be celebrated tastefully. Surprise your loved one as they walk into a room set-up in slightly naughty and slightly romantic fashion! Our professional at a per-agreed time will come and prepare the room for you.
How much fun it would be to see your loved one pleasantly surprised and flattered. Send them out for some work or shopping and in their absence fill their room with balloons and wait for the moment they accidentally walk in!
Wife's Birthday Special people deserve extra special experiences in Gurgaon
Anniversary Specials Perfect experiences for celebrating milestones in your life!
Romantic Balloon and Flowers Decoration Surprise for Husband and Wife Birthday.
This is amazing for your special occasions such as husband birthday, Wife Birthday, your first anniversary, child's birthday or parent's anniversary celebrations. You can schedule a our decoration artist to visit your house in the chosen (2 hour) slot. We have slots spread from morning to late evening – see what works best for your surprise.
The ceiling balloons are stuck with a removable soft tape. We don't use Helium balloons for safety reasons. And post your celebration, whenever you want to remove the balloons, just pull their ribbon – the balloon will come off without leaving any mark on ceiling (we recommend removing balloon within next 24 hours).
We have some interesting customization for you in Gurgaon:
Candles & flower petal decoration in Gurgaon – for that extra romantic touch. tea light (diya) candles & lots of rose petals will be use to decorate or write your message. For example on your first anniversary you can have a message – "We are one now", for husband's and Wife's birthday – "Happy birthday my tiger" (or pet name) or for parent's anniversary – "Happy anniversary mom & dad".
Guitarist in Gurgaon – for the music lovers & that extra mushy touch. We will send an artist from a local band to play the favorite songs of your partner. Also works great for parent's anniversary and your daughter's birthday.
Tags: romantic birthday balloon decoration gurgaon, romantic Anniversary balloon decoration gurgaon, romantic balloon decoration gurgaon, romantic decoration gurgaon, decorate bedroom for romantic night in Gurgaon, romantic room decoration with candles in Gurgaon, romantic bedroom decorating ideas cheap, romantic room decoration for birthday party in Gurgaon, romantic home decorating in Gurgaon, romantic room decoration for anniversary in Gurgaon, romantic surprises for him at hotel in Gurgaon, romantic surprises for him at home, 1st anniversary decoration in Gurgaon, helium gas balloon decoration in gurgaon, Roamtic Lighting decoration in gurgaon
We have 5 Years Experiences for couples romance room Decoration in Gurgaon to Work according to our client budget, and give 100% satisfaction & make long term relationship with our clients. We understand the value of your precious time so we have curated this option of Romantic Room Decoration and make your day memorable. It will be a well planned surprise for your loved one.


text:
Shopping Cart
Growing Condition(s) :
Ideal Usage :
Description :
In general the Japanese Pittosporum grows taller in the shade while those grown in full sun are more compact. The leathery leaves are glossy on the top with undersides that are lighter and have a dull surface. These very ornamental leaves reach a length of from 1-5 in and up to 1 in wide with edges that re curve (curl down and inward).The small flowers are about 0.5" in diameter and are held in clusters at the branch tips. They are pure white when they emerge from the bud and slowly age to a mellow creamy yellow. This plant is very adaptable and will grow in most soils except for those that are constantly wet. Moderate moisture is required for fastest growth and best looks.
Similar plants:
• Pittosporum daphniphylloides (Pittosporum)
• Pittosporum hosmeri, Pittosporum amplectens (Kona Cheesewood, Hoawa)
• Pittosporum moluccanum, Pittosporum timorense (Pittosporum)
• Pittosporum pentandrum (Taiwanese Cheesewood)
Copyright © Samak Nursery All Rights Reserved. samaknursery.com is powered by Samak Landscape


text:
Martin Scorsese's searing epic of greed and debauchery is… well, it's not for everyone.
Review: THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY
Ben Stiller shines on both sides of the camera in this easygoing fantasy, which makes up for a weak script with visual flair.
DOCTOR WHO: "The Time of the Doctor"
As a send-off for Matt Smith, this Christmas special was heartfelt — even beautiful in places. But as an episode of Doctor Who? Yikes.
David's Favorite Films, #20: THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL
Just in time for the holidays, I geek out on my favorite Muppet film.
Continue reading David's Favorite Films, #20: THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL
Review: AMERICAN HUSTLE
David O. Russell's effervescent caper has a crackerjack cast, but is slightly less than the sum of its gleaming parts.
Review: THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG
With all of the plodding exposition finally out of the way, the GO GO GO middle installment of the trilogy boasts incredible setpieces and a stunning depiction of the titular dragon.
Continue reading Review: THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG
David's Favorite TV Series, #21: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Darker, more powerful, and more awesome than anyone had any right to expect, this space-set military drama boasts a gripping mythology, rip-roaring action, and characters worth getting deeply invested in.
Continue reading David's Favorite TV Series, #21: BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Review: FROZEN
You'd have to have a heart of ice to not love FROZEN, Disney's best animated musical in nearly 20 years.
Review: THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE
The steady-handed follow-up to 2012's THE HUNGER GAMES is not only better than the first film — it's better than the book.
DOCTOR WHO: "The Day of the Doctor"
The Time War gets a new ending, Ten meets Eleven, and all the dangling threads of the past eight years come together at last in a thrillingly satisfying 50th anniversary special.


text:
Texas Rangers
Rangers' Choo OK with DH, just not every day
Shin-Soo Choo said Thursday that he and manager Jeff Banister have discussed using the right fielder at DH once a series in an effort to keep the oft-injured outfielder in the lineup and off the disabled list, where Choo landed four times in 2016.
Banister wants to rotate everyday players into the spot for a day off their feet.
"Whatever the team wants me to do to help the team, I'm going to do," Choo said. "I don't really think about full-time DH. I'll take a couple days, maybe one time a series or two times a week."
Choo has consulted with full-time DHs to ask them how to handle regular DH time. He has some concerns about how to stay engaged in the game while sitting on the bench when the Rangers aren't batting.
His top concern, though, is that he feels he can still be a serviceable right fielder.
"I have a lot of confidence in myself," Choo said.
Choo said that all of his 2016 maladies, starting with his right calf and including a back strain and broken left forearm, are 100 percent. He is working out differently this off-season, with more body-weight exercises and stretching.
Jeff Wilson: 817-390-7760, @JeffWilson_FWST


text:
Get a Quote
Part# Search
Our Advantage
- Good Credit
- Reliable Quality
- Fast Delivery
- Competitive Price
- Professional Service
Track Shipments
Get EETXB2F331KJ price, Buy EETXB2F331KJ
We specialize in sourcing parts like EETXB2F331KJ for hard-to-find, long lead time, obsolete electronic components and ICs for customers everyday. We are professional EETXB2F331KJ supplier and EETXB2F331KJ distributor with good credit standing in china. Please Email Us to get EETXB2F331KJ price and other information. Buy electronic parts EETXB2F331KJ from Rantle East Electronic - Your Source for Quality Electronic Components in China.
You may be interested in EETXB2F331KJ related electronic parts
Customers who purchase EETXB2F331KJ also buy
Newly-added Electronic Parts:
Top Electronic Components & IC


text:
High Quality POS Thermal Receipt Printer by Orient.
High Quality POS Impact Printer, deal for use in busy kitchen environment.
The Godex EZ-DT2 is a compact and attractive direct thermal printer with a small foot-print. Available in both 2inch and 4inch label widths, the EZ-DT series printers are ideal for space-saving with the wall mount features. The EZ-DT2 is designed for printing barcodes and text on labels or material tags. In spite of the compact design, it has a label roll capacity of up to 300m. As standard, the printer is fitted with USB 2.0 and serial port connections; as well as having stripper and cutter modules as options