text:
Friday, January 9, 2009
How to Make Your Twins Hate You
Friday, January 9, 2009
Yeah, I think I'm going to have to rescind that.
And to think I was horrified at the split sheet cake. Yowza.
Let's see: moldy camo and blue roses. [Chandler Bing voice] Could this BE any more wrong, Ila P.?
161 comments | Post a Comment
Well, at least it's the boy who got the short end of the stick this time...kind of evens things out. Of course, I think, as far as short sticks go, this is just a fragment of bark with a few shreds of xylem clinging weakly to it. If that's supposed to be camoflage, I don't want to see this decorator's rendition of freshly vomited Trix cereal...
- January 9, 2009 at 9:30 AM
- Brianna T said...
Poor Vernon. Unfortunate name, ugly cupcakes, and not as many cupcakes as his sister. I think we know who's the favorite.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:31 AM
- Kate said...
It looks like the right corners are moldy!
As a December 19th baby.. I've had to share many cakes with my Christmas day baby cousin...much to my dismay. Parents, it's not cool to combine things, just get them two separate small cakes! - January 9, 2009 at 9:31 AM
- Tammy said...
Can you tell who the favorite twin is?
- January 9, 2009 at 9:32 AM
- Unknown said...
Jeez, moldy cupcakes will sure make your twin hate you, especially when about 85% of this "cake" is made up of cute blue and white cupcakes that match yours.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:33 AM
Poor Vernon got less cupcakes... he will now be scarred for life!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:34 AM
I love the Chandler Bing voice
- January 9, 2009 at 9:34 AM
word verification
Cabli - Actually chablis but after you've downed the whole bottle - January 9, 2009 at 9:35 AM
Vernon... I told you eating all of the cheese doodles and spinach dip would make you sick! But next time, aim for the trash can!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:35 AM
Looks like Vernon got jipped on his cupcakes!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:36 AM
Poor Vernon!
I mean could the parents have been any more obvious about which twin they like more? - January 9, 2009 at 9:36 AM
I think we can tell who the favorite in this family is. Jenny, Vernon's going to be talking about you in therapy years from now. I can just hear the conversation that took place when this cake was displayed.
"How come Jenny gets blue roses and I got mold?"
"Mold is manly son..."
"But I want a blue rose...my quarter of the cake looks contagious."
"Shaddup and eat your mold, boy. It'll put hair on your chest...and maybe your tongue." - January 9, 2009 at 9:37 AM
Poor Vernon - he's not as loved as his sister... (notice how his part isn't even half?
- January 9, 2009 at 9:39 AM
YK, they could've at least colored half of "Happy Birthday" camo! That way, it'd be more "even" looking! LOL.
WV: alaviv - combining said twins' names to cut down on cupcakes - January 9, 2009 at 9:39 AM
- Michelle said...
Well... It is vile. And as the mother of twins, I learned very early on to get them their own cakes.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:39 AM
Not to mention the 60-40 split! Geez... what ARE people thinking?
(Please let me be in the top 10, PLEASE let me be in the top 10!) - January 9, 2009 at 9:41 AM
- Megan said...
Obviously, mom must love Jenny more than she loves Vernon. Jenny got way more cupcakes! And Vernon's cupcakes look disgusting.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:43 AM
- Nancy B said...
No,no. All you have to do is pick off the moldy part and spray the tray with lysol. The rest should be just fine.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:43 AM
Maybe Vernon and Jenny are conjoined twins, and Vernon's definitely the uglier of the two? Then this cake is entirely appropriate.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:43 AM
LOVE the border, but there's nothing worse than losing your R in the crack.
Poor, poor Vernon. - January 9, 2009 at 9:43 AM
- Dave said...
Mom always loved Jenny more.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:45 AM
- January 9, 2009 at 9:45 AM
- Unknown said...
I have to say Vernon did get the short end of the stick er cake. The camo is clearly not in equal share to the roses part.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:46 AM
Yikes, and you can tell which twin mom favors, what with the actual Happy Birthday being in blue and white.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:46 AM
- utaduta said...
humm, random moldy CCC? whats with the green blog up in the right hand corner? this cake is just all kinds of wrong!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:47 AM
- clare @ the pretty walrus said...
we needn't quite wrack our brains as to whom the favourite twin is...
LOL @ Chandler Bing voice!! :) - January 9, 2009 at 9:47 AM
How to make your twins hate you: Give one of them a normal name, name the other one Vernon lmao. Poor Vernon, they could have at least split those cup-cakes up 50/50!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:50 AM
- Kristin said...
OMG that is horrible!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:51 AM
- Boozy Tooth said...
I so feel Jenny and Vernon's pain. As a twin I have always had to share a birthday and birthday cake with my brother. I have NOT, however, been subjected to this kind of humiliation. Poor kids.
Jen, are you sure you aren't the twin in question here and finally getting your revenge on mom?
The Florida Gator loving Hices at
GO GATORS! - January 9, 2009 at 9:52 AM
- Alison said...
I think they made the camo part extra nasty to try to convince you the electric-blue rose section looks okay.
Let's not reject all mosaic CCCs just because of this one wreck. If we followed that policy, we'd have to reject all cakes, and that, my friends, is what they call an "unacceptable outcome." - January 9, 2009 at 9:56 AM
- Mari said...
So it's final... evil twins are made, not born.
- January 9, 2009 at 9:56 AM
Maybe Jenny has more cupcakes because she has more friends coming to the party. Poor Vernan - double whammy!
- January 9, 2009 at 10:01 AM
Jenny HAD to get more cupcakes. No frosting letters on earth would've shown up on that vomitous camo.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com) - January 9, 2009 at 10:01 AM
- Laura said...
Well, it has potential.
Get rid of the camo,
the "border,"
and write their names more like the way that "Happy Birthday" was written... - January 9, 2009 at 10:02 AM
Okay I'll have to do have of the lower cupcakes with blue roses and half with camouflage. Okay so that's 1,2,3, Darn the girls got 16 and the boy has 14, oh well I'll just add some more camouflage one on the top part. There! Oh, now it looks unbalanced. Okay I'll put a few blue flower ones on the top left. There! Now all I have to do is Write a the Happy birthday on the remaining cup cakes. Well, I'm too lazy to make a new icing bag so I'll just use the blue one I have already. Okay now there's a few more cup cakes left over on the top. Well I'm still too lazy to make another decorating bag so I'll just add more blue flowers to those one. There! Done! I think it looks pretty good don't you? Well I do and if they don't then too bad, besides I don't really care, my boss never says anything anyways.
Word verification -Plata: Ken I getcha plata pasta? - January 9, 2009 at 10:03 AM
- Susan - said...
Someone actually requested this? And paid for it?! This "cake" is wrong on so many levels.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:04 AM
- Etiquette Bitch said...
not to mention that jenny has more blue roses than vernon has camo. yecch.
think we can get Congress and Barack Obama to pass a law banning CCCs? - January 9, 2009 at 10:04 AM
- Unknown said...
A fairly decent CCC ruined by that gosh-awful conglomeration on the right? YUCK!
~Amy B. - January 9, 2009 at 10:04 AM
So... Vernon is the unwanted, unloved child because he gets the rotting cupcakes. Sucks to be Vernon.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:05 AM
- Reformed Supermom said...
Yup, he's gonna need some therapy. Know whut uh meen, Vern?
Rebecca - January 9, 2009 at 10:10 AM
- HorribleLicensePlates said...
Ew those definitely look moldy. Bleh!
- January 9, 2009 at 10:12 AM
- Zita said...
Yikes. But, you must admit, the names are nicely off centre.
Zita - January 9, 2009 at 10:12 AM
They... may not be twins... perhaps. Vernon could be... Jenny's father! That's the ticket! I'm sure he'll understand his gross third of cupcakes.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:17 AM
- Feisty Irish Wench said...
Oh good grief!! If I were doing a combined cake, it wouldn't be something so obviously divided. The goal is to avoid revealing who my favorite one is, and remain as visibly unbiased as possible.
Then again, I am not some other parents who fell out of the common sense tree and whacked the noggin on every idiot branch on the way down from it. - January 9, 2009 at 10:18 AM
they weren't doing too badly (as far as CCC's go) until they got to the camo part. It was all downhill from there.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:18 AM
- Smoochiefrog said...
That was just frighteningly ugly, on so many levels.
I totally Chandler Bing voiced that line! - January 9, 2009 at 10:22 AM
- Persnickety Ticker said...
Who wants to place bets that Vernon is going to go all postal one day in a Walmart bakery or something?
While wearing blue roses camouflage, nonetheless. - January 9, 2009 at 10:24 AM
I love the three random mold-cakes in the corner. I imagine poor Vernon walked into the kitchen in the middle of the frosting endeavor and complained about the lack of, ahem, camo and so Mom frosted the last 3 and shoved them in the corner to shut him up.
Now imagine you're a guest at this party. How do you not laugh? Hysterically? - January 9, 2009 at 10:29 AM
- Katie said...
Today's my birthday, and my twin's birthday, so I feel an extra connection to the cake today :) THANKS MOM for never making us a cake like this!!!!
- January 9, 2009 at 10:35 AM
- @wendydesigns said...
To add insult to injury, poor Vernon's name is going DOWN right to left, while perky Jenny's name is going UP.
(word verification: beduch - way past time to change the sheets) - January 9, 2009 at 10:39 AM
- loisgroat said...
Why are there 53 cupcakes? Why could there not have been two cakes? Each with 24 cupcakes? Or each with 26 1/2 cupcakes, if the 53 is somehow significant?
So many questions. This blog raises so many questions in my mind that I never dreamed I would ask. sigh. - January 9, 2009 at 10:40 AM
Maybe they're not twins, but just happen to have birthdays on the same or near the same day. Maybe Jenny is twice Vernon's age and that's why she gets twice as many cupcakes.
Or maybe Jenny has twice as many friends coming to their party. Poor Vernon!
It's weird how often the WV seems appropriate. Sporetty. Ew, some mold sporettys must have gotten on Vernon's half (third) of the cake. Wait, maybe that explains the imbalance. The mold sporettys got in a couple places on the cake and are slowly taking it over. Just leave it a couple of days, and all the cupcakes will be in the mold color scheme. Problem solved! - January 9, 2009 at 10:42 AM
- mere9 said...
if they had just stopped at 'happy birthday', it would have been alright. now, it's not. and i what is UP with that ugly frosting? nothankyou.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:43 AM
- LaurenH said...
You'd think they could have at least given the boy more cupcakes! I mean yes, I can see that they're hideous and the less of those you have to look at the better but really...ugly cupcakes AND not as many. Double whammy for you Vernon! (Wait...VERNON!? Sorry kid, triple whammy)
On the other side (literally) without the 'mosaic' arrangement I think the cupcakes with little blue roses on them are kind of cute. - January 9, 2009 at 10:46 AM
- Unknown said...
I have to say, there is no reason I can think of to do this to your kids. I mean, making a cake yourself costs next to nothing, so why not make the kids their own cakes? I can't believe they both got a CCC, one part of which looks like it came down with the Crud.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:48 AM
Is it just me or is shape made by the white cupcakes reminiscent of a hand gun with Vernon's name as the trigger? And with the blue, teeth staining, icing on the "pretty" part, I bet the parents couldn't give away the extras after the party was over.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:54 AM
- dellboi2u said...
Besides the puke cup cakes... I don't get blue roses!!! Blue??? Where do they grow? They Don't!
- January 9, 2009 at 10:54 AM
I am all for combined birthday parties because two of my kids have birthdays just two weeks apart. But I always, ALWAYS have two cakes. There is just no way you can combine Sponge Bob and Tinkerbell.
Though I wonder… maybe I should call that in somewhere to see what they do. No… love the kids too much. - January 9, 2009 at 11:04 AM
WOW! So unfair on so many levels. OK parents listen up and I'll tell you a secret. Spend a few extra bucks and get your kids separate cakes!
My sister and I share the same birthday, but are 5 years apart. My parents have been getting us separate cakes for 31 years! - January 9, 2009 at 11:06 AM
- Unknown said...
Nope. It can't.
- January 9, 2009 at 11:21 AM
- MichieGrl said...
Wow, as a twin, the issue in therapy later will really be that he now has proof that his parents love his sister more.
- January 9, 2009 at 11:22 AM
- Sarah said...
My 4 year old daughter saw this and asked me, "Is that throw up?"
- January 9, 2009 at 11:24 AM
- The Courteous Chihuahua said...
Not to mention his name is Vernon.
WV: pubar - pucked up beyond all repair - January 9, 2009 at 11:25 AM
My farorite part of this is that, even though the designer took care to line up the borders consistently, they obviously did the airbrushing after sticking all of the cupcakes together. Instead of Chandler I have Stewie's voice saying "For every mis-sprayed cupcake I find I shall kill you."
- January 9, 2009 at 11:32 AM
- I Love Food said...
What is up with the funky ones in the top right corner??
- January 9, 2009 at 11:37 AM
- Leslie said...
OMG! I have a friend who is getting ready to have twins next month, I'm so sending her to your site to see this!
I'd better not EVER see this at her twins' party!! - January 9, 2009 at 11:40 AM
- - said...
Actually, if you count, Vernon got 14 cupcakes (not including the 2 with his name) and Jenny got 13 (not including the two with her name and the ones that are technically for both of them cause they say "Happy Birthday")
- January 9, 2009 at 11:53 AM
- ~Anne said...
Even my 7 year old said "I'd hate to be that poor kid." bahahaha
WV - shortick This cake is not short ick, it's very long on the ick factor. - January 9, 2009 at 11:57 AM
- Sarah M said...
I really like the border. And the border gaps. Thankfully the didn't do a curved border around the whole thing. And the "y" from birthday has the blue icing and the green moldy border. Lovely.
Word Verification = fismsse
the sticky aftermath of a shaken soda can - January 9, 2009 at 11:59 AM
To Dellboi2U:
Blue roses do exist , although not totally naturally.
check out:Wikipedia - blue roses - January 9, 2009 at 12:00 PM
My aunt and I came within two days of sharing a birthday, so I'm used to shared parties. But if you've gotta share the cake, pick something both like and just use that.
- January 9, 2009 at 12:01 PM
Wait, is only one of the twins Jamaican?
- January 9, 2009 at 12:07 PM
Ooooooh Rachel...(shaking head)...please tell me you're not an accountant!
- January 9, 2009 at 12:24 PM
Bad enough you have to share a birthday with someone, but to share 3/4 of your cake - and the nice part? That's just cruel.
Because someone mentioned the annoyance at sharing birthdays: my grandmother was born on Dec. 19, her older sister on Dec. 18. To this day, she's still bitter over the fact they celebrated the birthday's together. Heck, she even got married on her birthday because she had to choice between her birthday and her sister's, and she refused to get married on the day she'd relented for so long.
So, in conclusion: Vernon is doomed to become a bitter old man, always demanding he gets his own cake for his birthday. - January 9, 2009 at 12:31 PM
Thanks for explaining to me that the hideous green/orage/black/gray gunk is "camo".. If you insist, then that's what we'll call it...
"Here Sally, my shift is done and I only finished 3/4 of the cake... Can you finish the rest? Thanks. Oh yeah, they're supposed to pick it up in an hour."
WV - epite... I'd take epite, but I'm afraid of what that color combo will do to my GI tract. - January 9, 2009 at 12:37 PM
- Marissa said...
Poor Vernon. His name sucks AND he doesn't even get half the love on the cake. We can see someone picks favorites here...
- January 9, 2009 at 12:39 PM
- April said...
I absolutely LOVE the sad attempt at a border! That poor boy!!
- January 9, 2009 at 12:43 PM
- Sondra! said...
The cake is slightly sadder than the fact that his name is Vernon. Jenny is at least a 'cute' name.
- January 9, 2009 at 12:52 PM
that's just one of the ugliest CCCs or cakes i've seen in life. period! what a traumatizing bday for poor jenny and vernon ...
- January 9, 2009 at 12:55 PM
- Donna M. said...
Poor kid, not only does he have a name like "Vernon" (Hey Vern!...or the mean uncle in Harry Potter), he gets cheated out of his own ugly cake.
Maybe Jenny had more friends, that's why she got more cupcakes. - January 9, 2009 at 1:08 PM
- Unknown said...
I especially love how the blue rose cupcakes form a lovely gun shape, aggressively dividing the camo cakes.
- January 9, 2009 at 1:10 PM
- Catie said...
I thought those were Rastafarian cupcakes, you know like maybe ol' Vern was really into Reggae and Cool Runnings. Mold, however, seems to be the consensus. The airbrushing is rather disgusting though. NO CAKE FOR YOU!- The Cake Nazi. ;D
WV: Mullet- The type of haircut worn by the person who made this CCC disaster. How appropriate. ;D - January 9, 2009 at 1:23 PM
- carrie said...
Ugh. That IS hideous. I can't even imagine the fight if I tried to pass this off on my twins. We've done cupcakes for school twice - half chocolate and half white. All white frosting and each kid picked a theme for a pick or ring to stick on the top. No bright blue poo, and the young ones all got Disney plastic rings to wear and lose. Not creative, but not wrecky.
- January 9, 2009 at 1:23 PM
- Nakia said...
This is horrible.. It looks like the "cake" has a disease or blight that is slowly spreading and will eventually engulf the entire thing. Run Jenny! It's too late for Vernon :(
- January 9, 2009 at 1:30 PM
- Kerry said...
Haha I think that's the cake equivalent of having to go to the corner for a time-out.
WV: ologrem - like a hologram, only French. - January 9, 2009 at 1:44 PM
- beckiwithani said...
I'm a twin (and, funny enough, my twin sister, C.Beth, posted about our twinniness today, and in a comment I mentioned how twins should always get separate cakes). This picture made me really sad - no sarcasm here. :(
- January 9, 2009 at 1:49 PM
- B said...
Oh, and there's even a "border". Jenny and Vernon are such lucky kids.
HA. - January 9, 2009 at 2:00 PM
- Overmatter said...
Boy, it sucks to be Vernon.
- January 9, 2009 at 2:01 PM
- Judi Hahn said...
The more cupcake cakes you post, the more determined I am to dislike cupcakes and especially cupcake cakes.
- January 9, 2009 at 2:06 PM
- WM said...
EW...just EW. Definitely a wreck from any angle...
The commentary is great, as always! - January 9, 2009 at 2:11 PM
- Michelle said...
How was this idea even okay???? Totally horrifying.
- January 9, 2009 at 2:14 PM
- Tanya said...
My four year old daughter just asked me "What is that on the cake?" I told her it was weird icing. She replied "Spinach icing?"
- January 9, 2009 at 2:16 PM
- Hyena Overlord said...
I laughed out loud at this one. My friend had the same experience with her two libra babies birthdays. Shame she didn't take a pic. So glad that I usually buy my own b'day cake.
wvotd..blityren..."Vernon blames his life of crime on Blityren. Blityren is the psychological condition created by a life time of inequality based on CCC portions." - January 9, 2009 at 2:23 PM
- Jennifer Good said...
You know, don't torch me on this one, but I kind of sympathize with the baker. I work in a pie shop, and sometimes we get weird requests, and we do them, despite common sense or aesthetics, and I'm sure the customer must be equally confused as us, but all we can say to each other is "That's what they wanted!" So maybe this is one of those cases.
- January 9, 2009 at 2:56 PM
- Scott said...
What a creative idea for a blog, I am lovin it!
- January 9, 2009 at 3:01 PM
- Dea said...
No frosting parity, either - we know who momma's favorite is....
- January 9, 2009 at 3:01 PM
I agree that camoflage cake frosting is icky (what's the point? you want to hide the cake?)
but I am coming to agree with my mother that blue colored food is just wrong (always excepting blueberries). When she planned receptions for people she always discourage blue punch, etc. Now I see why. - January 9, 2009 at 3:12 PM
Does it seem like poor Vernon was just an afterthought? The decorator seems to have been 2/3 done when he or she remembered, "Oh shoot, almost forgot the other kid....what's his name...Vernon?"
- January 9, 2009 at 3:13 PM
I'm an identical twin myself, so I feel the kids' pain. Making us share a noun--that is, calling us "the twins" or "the girls" instead of using our names--was bad enough.
At least my parents always had the sense to buy two separate cakes of equal size and equal attractiveness. - January 9, 2009 at 3:14 PM
Just a thought...Perhaps the cake is for two people sharing close or same birthdays and the cupcakes represent their ages. Maybe Jenny is the mother who would be 36 if I counted correctly. Again, if I counted correctly, that leaves the son Vernon to be 16 years old. That't realistic.
- January 9, 2009 at 3:35 PM
Oh dear. Oh dear. And I have a wreck i bought just to post here. Will be sending it along shortly. It is military themed as well... Oh I can't wait...
- January 9, 2009 at 3:41 PM
- ~* N *~ said...
Wow that is horrible! Yes, you can tell who is favored!
- January 9, 2009 at 3:45 PM
- jackie31337 said...
You probably don't hear this much, but I want to thank Cake Wrecks for giving me my appetite back. It wasn't this cake that did it. It was some of the Sunday Sweets, and reading the descriptions of the cakes (chocolate cake with raspberry filling!) on the decorators' sites. I've been sick with a stomach bug for the last couple of days, and I finally feel like eating again. Thanks Cake Wrecks!
- January 9, 2009 at 3:47 PM
- Unknown said...
Egads, that's aweful. Poor Vernon.
- January 9, 2009 at 3:49 PM
- Unknown said...
...and maybe Vernon will be glad that nobody can see his cupcakes anyway.
- January 9, 2009 at 3:50 PM
- Kaci said...
What's worse? The fact that the person's name is Vernon, or that he has to eat cupcakes that look as though they've been eaten and ahem...given back...already?
- January 9, 2009 at 4:12 PM
- Scritzy said...
Gad. I hope Vernon's grandparents start a savings account for him, because not all health insurance covers psychiatric therapy. - January 9, 2009 at 4:16 PM
Camo cupcakes--for the kid you wish would disappear.
- January 9, 2009 at 4:31 PM
- Alicia said...
Or maybe your readers aren't familiar with The Glass Menagerie... - January 9, 2009 at 4:33 PM
- Chris Larimer said...
So that's where my agar went.
- January 9, 2009 at 4:34 PM
Revenge of the girl twin; unlike ashley's sad side, Jenny has much more cake. Take that, Vernon! Tell Glen hello!
- January 9, 2009 at 4:34 PM
- Cyndi said...
Ugh! As someone who had to share a birthday cake her entire childhood (Dec 23, older brother Dec 26), I can tell you that is NOT cool, even ignoring the fact that this ccc looks like someone threw up on it.
- January 9, 2009 at 5:15 PM
- Julia said...
What's not to like? Buttercream...Good. Words spelled correctly...Good! Moldy frosting...GOOD. (best Joey voice, of course)
- January 9, 2009 at 5:43 PM
- warren said...
Could this BE any more wrong
It already is. The kid's name is Vernon. I think that's probable cause for CPS to come around and take the kids to a safe house. - January 9, 2009 at 5:54 PM
If I were Vernon (and I actually like that name!) I would steal as many of Jenny's cakes as possible in cupcakey vengeance.
- January 9, 2009 at 6:05 PM
Hilarious! Poor Vernon; the parents couldn't have made it more obvious about which twin they liked more...LOL!
Anna Marie - January 9, 2009 at 6:09 PM
Poor Vernon...maybe she saved so much money on the crappy cake she can afford to pay for his therapy later ;)
- January 9, 2009 at 6:15 PM
- Amber said...
What was the thinking behind this cake??? Was it the idea of the parents or the decorator?? Poor Vernon!!! See ya in therapy buddy!
- January 9, 2009 at 6:35 PM
- Pink Sith said...
Poor Vernon. This is how sociopaths are made. First it's uneven cc on dreadful ccc, next it's lighting things on fire, next cats are missing from the neighborhood. It all can be avoided by giving each kid their own darn cake.
WV=extri. it only takes a little extri effort to get a decent birthday cake. - January 9, 2009 at 6:44 PM
- cadylee said...
Flowers for Jenny, barf for Vernon. How sweet.
- January 9, 2009 at 6:53 PM
- Unknown said...
Besides failure in terms of decoration, the other thing I hate about CCCs is that cupcakes aren't nearly as tasty as cake...
- January 9, 2009 at 8:00 PM
- the ginabean said...
What a cheap way to celebrate the twins' birth. I mean, get each child a smaller cake, right? Or if you're going to do the CCC, at least make them presentable! This "CCC" is FUGLY.
- January 9, 2009 at 8:37 PM
- CrazyMom said...
If I was Vernon I'd feel so slighted (not to mention sick.. LOL)!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:05 PM
I totally love your blog! Way to funny!
- January 9, 2009 at 9:33 PM
My husband thinks the whole cake is supposed to be a white & rose covered gun on a camo background. I give him points for imagination.
I suspect that this is a husband/wife shared birthday. Jenny tried to get ol' Vern to tell her what he thought would look nice on a cake. Presented with a typical display of manly preferences, she caved and went with the camo. - January 9, 2009 at 9:39 PM
What the hell?
- January 9, 2009 at 10:14 PM
Scary. Just plain scary.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:14 PM
- E.A.D. said...
"Mother always did like Jenny best." *Vernon starts sucking his thumb*
Poor Vern, now he'll have years of therapy on top of the intestinal upset from eating those stale, moldy cupcakes. - January 9, 2009 at 10:26 PM
- Jen L. said...
Wow, poor Vernon. His side is much worse than Jenny's.
- January 9, 2009 at 10:36 PM
I like how Vernon's name is in a haven of white cupcakes.
I love the Chandler voice too. And it is soooo appropriate for this monstrosity. - January 9, 2009 at 10:43 PM
- Hayley said...
I don't think the roses are that bad...but that camo is awful! I didn't even realize that's what it's supposed to be...I thought maybe there was some sort of massive food coloring explosion on that corner of the cake...
- January 10, 2009 at 12:36 AM
- Wallydraigle said...
I think I can guess who the favored child is here.
- January 10, 2009 at 12:46 AM
- Wolverine Girl said...
Instead of Chandler, I can hear Janice squawking "Oh...my...Gawwwwwwwwd!" and Monica running around in sheer terror screaming to be woken from this horrible cake nightmare. Joey would eat the whole thing in a heartbeat though :-)
Word verification - ratont: a contraction of "rat on it" as in, this cake would look better with a ratont. - January 10, 2009 at 2:27 AM
- Bedlam said...
i like this idea
- January 10, 2009 at 7:46 AM
- Clair said...
Maybe it's not gor twins, mayb e Jenny has an imaginary friend called vernon and insisted he get his name on the cake....
- January 10, 2009 at 7:56 AM
there is just no WAY i would pay money for that horrific mess!
- January 10, 2009 at 9:14 AM
- Women on the Verge said...
What did Vernon do to deserve moldy cupcakes? I'm pretty sure this is the beginning of Vernon running away to join the army...
- January 10, 2009 at 9:20 AM
- TheDaughterOfTyr said...
Awww poor kids!
Mothers: don't let bad cakes happen to your children! - January 10, 2009 at 10:06 AM
Camo just DOESN'T work for frosting. Actually, I'm now curious: Has anyone seen an appetizing cake with camo frosting?
- January 10, 2009 at 10:44 AM
- Unknown said...
What did Vernon ever do to deserve this??
- January 10, 2009 at 10:54 AM
I'm guessing that Vernon is the "stepson."
- January 10, 2009 at 12:58 PM
- *~*Lis*~* said...
just another reason to make sure your twins have separate cakes!
- January 10, 2009 at 1:43 PM
- Jenny Saunders said...
Can I just say....I am so INTO each CW entry...that I find myself doing this:
1. Open Cakewrecks page
2. Scroll down just enough to see Jen's opener.
3. Sit and ponder a moment what I think I am going to see...
4. Scroll down to view picture...and usually follows is an OMG!!!
No other blog makes read in such a specific way!!! Thanks Jen LOL - January 10, 2009 at 1:44 PM
- Jenni said...
I have twins boy/girl and they are 3. I have Never combined their cakes and I NEVER will! I do like some CCC's, but I still wouldn't combine my kids cakes together. Keep up the great posts!
- January 10, 2009 at 3:45 PM
And I'm sure that Vernon was happy that his sister got, like, TWICE as much space as him. Were these people absent ont the day when the math teacher explained that when you divide something in half, the pieces should be equal?
- January 10, 2009 at 8:12 PM
Yes, getting the name "Vernon" at birth rather foreshadowed the ugly cupcakes and settled the "Mom loves you best" question early, didn't it?
- January 10, 2009 at 8:39 PM
If any of my children ever ask for a CAMO cake, remind me to MAKE IT MYSELF, cause whatever I came up with couldn't possibly be as aweful as all the camo cakes I've seen featured here (ok...it could, but not likely).
Really, you need to do a military theme for Veterans day or something (and follow up with a Sunday sweets to show how it's spos' to be done). :-) - January 11, 2009 at 1:22 AM
- Crystal said...
That is just so wrong on so many levels! My son and daughter share the same birthday (although, 4 years apart). I would never do that to them! Its bad enough that they share a birthday, even worse that it's 3 days after xmas.. and to do that would just be overkill lol! Poor kids, therapy will be needed in the near future.
- January 11, 2009 at 3:35 AM
- Azure Accessories said...
Wow...awful cake, I know the kids would have thought so as well...
If I had twins I would make sure each child had their own special cake...birthdays are important!
My grandson was born on my daughters birthday...and for 9 years I held the birthday celebration at my home...I had a special cake for each...
Cheers - January 11, 2009 at 9:04 AM
- Lesley said...
And what's up with the weird semi-outline on the side cupcakes?
- January 11, 2009 at 9:44 PM
- Bri said...
I really think this is the worst cake I've seen before.
Poor kids...not even a little pink for the girl. They both got blue, white and barf coloured cakes.
Brianna McCarthy - January 12, 2009 at 12:40 PM
Hmmm, Someone likes Jenny alot more than Vernon :<
- January 12, 2009 at 1:15 PM
- Unknown said...
The blue roses and white frosting are not bad, but that camo! ICK! And it's not even equal. If they're going to have the same cake they should have done it 50/50 with a matching theme, maybe blue roses for the boy and pink for the girl. I bet Vernon chose the camo though, little boys aren't exactly known for their taste!
- January 12, 2009 at 4:09 PM
I guess I should be happy that the cake pics you're pulling off my site are all freebies that were done when I was first starting to decorate.
Thanks Again
Jennifer aka Cake Lady @ Blue Rose Cakes - January 13, 2009 at 4:13 PM
- aaron stampler said...
Hey, oversensitive-cake-decorator...
If you don't want the people seein' your f'ed up mistakes, then don't PUT them out there for the people to see! Logic 101, darlin'. And your feeble attempt to shame whomever submitted this photo doesn't work either. After all, you yourself are responsible for letting loose this picture into the wunnerful world of cyberspace. And deep down, c'mon, you know this be nasty, right? Riiiiighhht??? Man up, already. - February 9, 2009 at 10:23 AM
- aaron stampler said...
Hey, oversensitive-cake-decorator...
If you don't want the people seein' your f'ed up mistakes, then don't PUT them out there for the people to see! Logic 101, darlin'. And your feeble attempt to shame whomever submitted this photo doesn't work either. After all, you yourself are responsible for letting loose this picture into the wunnerful world of cyberspace. And deep down, c'mon, you know this be nasty, right? Riiiiighhht??? Man up, already. - February 9, 2009 at 10:24 AM
Okay, I can see maybe having fewer cupcakes for Vernon- maybe he had fewer people coming to the party than his sister.
But I mean, how hard would it be to get another plate and make three different "cakes"? Sorry, but vomit-camo does NOT match. - April 14, 2009 at 10:04 AM
- China said...
So many comments! I read the comments and saw everything I would have said was already said two or three times.
Love this blog! - July 11, 2009 at 10:14 AM
The wreckerator actually has it proudly displayed on her website??!
Oh my! - November 17, 2009 at 11:33 PM
Funny, but upon first viewing this, I just assumed that poor Jenny was receiving this abomination FROM Vernon--where did the twins idea start?
- December 22, 2009 at 2:53 PM
- Rachat de credit said...
This is described so well and clearly, now to make our twins hate you will never be a difficulty. Thanks
- June 21, 2011 at 8:50 AM
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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
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As the snow melts, even in Minnesota, and daylight lingers into evening, people who like to eat with the seasons know what's coming: asparagus.
"Asparagus means the beginning of spring. It's spring!" says Nora Pouillon, chef and founder of Restaurant Nora in Washington, D.C. Later this month, she'll revise her menu, and it will certainly include asparagus with salmon, and asparagus soup.
It's an elegant vegetable, Pouillon says, and unique: "Sweet and bitter at the same time."
Taste, however, is only the surface of asparagus's eccentricities. And since this is the web, here's a list of them: five little-known facts about this iconic spring vegetable, from the botanical to the economic. (I won't explore the funny smell, though. That's old news.)
1. That green spear on your plate wanted to be a "fern."
Botanically speaking, asparagus is an oddity among vegetables. First of all, farmers only plant a new asparagus crop every 10 or 15 years, and they don't start with seeds. Instead, farmers plant "crowns," which are the roots of 1-year-old asparagus plants. Those roots will grow underground, year after year, and every spring, when the weather gets warm, the roots will send up green spears. If the spears aren't harvested, they will turn into big and bushy "ferns." (Yes, we know it's not actually a fern.)
2. Asparagus spears grow ridiculously fast.
Scott Walker, president of the world's biggest asparagus seed company (Walker Brothers, of Pittsgrove, N.J.), says that he's heard that on really hot days, asparagus can grow an inch per hour. But he's never actually measured them. During harvest season, farmers struggle to stay ahead of the growing spears. Each field has to be harvested every day, and sometimes even twice a day.
"I remember one year, it went from cold to hot, and it looked like the hair on a dog's back out there in the field. It was everywhere, and we could not keep up," Walker says.
After about six or eight weeks, farmers stop harvesting and let them grow wild. The plant needs to grow into a fern to capture energy from the sun and store it in the root for the next growing season.
3. Asparagus plants are either male or female.
The female plants make berries, containing seeds. The male plants just make flowers, containing pollen. But both of them produce spears.
4. America imports close to 90 percent of its asparagus.
It wasn't always this way. As recently as 1989, the U.S. grew more asparagus than it consumed, and exported slightly more than it imported. In those days, asparagus consumption followed a predictable pattern: California's fields kicked off the asparagus season, followed by Washington, New Jersey and Michigan.
But since then, imports have boomed, while U.S. production has been shrinking. The trend has accelerated in the last 10 years. You can now get fresh asparagus all winter long, mostly from Peru. Scott Walker has seen those operations. "They will harvest in the morning. That night it's on a plane. The next morning it's here in the U.S.," he says.
In early spring, an even bigger wave of imports arrives from Mexico. It's making life miserable for asparagus growers in California. "I call it a marketing train wreck," says Cherie Watte Angulo, executive director of the California Asparagus Commission. "There's a huge supply on the market, right when we're coming on with our new crop. The price is extremely depressed. We haven't seen prices this low in years."
The basic problem for California's growers is simply that harvesting asparagus takes a lot of hands, and labor is much more expensive here than in Mexico.
5. Right now, California's asparagus growers are slicing up their crop in the field.
Many of these farmers are driving through their fields with sharp metal disks that cut off the asparagus spears. "That delays production anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks," says Angulo.
By then, the farmers are hoping that the flood of Mexican production will be done, and prices will be higher. But this year's problems are likely to accelerate the exodus of farmers from asparagus production. American farmers are growing only a third as much of this vegetable as they did 20 years ago, even though American consumers are eating more of it.
Copyright 2021 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.


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The relationship of our teeth and mouth to overall good health is indisputable. Endodontics plays a critical role in maintaining good oral health by eliminating infection and pain, and preserving our natural dentition.
A key responsibility of any dentist is to reassure patients who are concerned about the safety of endodontic treatment that their overall well-being is a top priority. The American Association of Endodontists website (www.aae.org) is the best place for anxious patients to obtain comprehensive information on the safety and efficacy of endodontics and root canal treatment.
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Dr. Price advocated tooth extraction—the most traumatic dental procedure—over endodontic treatment. This theory resulted in a frightening era of tooth extraction both for treatment of systemic disease and as a prophylactic measure against future illness. Dr. Price's research techniques were criticized at the time they were published, and by the early 1930s, a number of well-designed studies using more modern research techniques discredited his findings.
Decades of research have contradicted Dr. Price's findings since then. In 1951, the Journal of the American Dental Association published a special edition reviewing the scientific literature and shifted the standard of practice back to endodontic treatment for teeth with non-vital pulp in instances where the tooth could be saved. The JADA reviewed Dr. Price's research techniques from the 1920s and noted that they lacked many aspects of modern scientific research, including absence of proper control groups and induction of excessive doses of bacteria.
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Decades of research contradict the beliefs of "focal infection" proponents; there is no valid, scientific evidence linking endodontically treated teeth and systemic disease. Yet some patients still hear about this long-dispelled theory.
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- Acknowledge the patient's concerns; stress that optimum health is the goal for every dental patient.
- Provide the patient with written information about endodontic treatment, and discuss it. The AAE has a variety of patient education brochures available for purchase (www.aae.org/onlinestore).
- Provide the patient with information from the AAE website about common root canal myths:
www.aae.org/patients/treatments-and-procedures/root-canals/myths-about-root-canals-and-root-canal-pain.aspx#2. - Indicate that the patient is in control of his/her own decision to move forward with any dental procedure, and reiterate a commitment to the highest quality dental care.


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This is TALK OF THE NATION. I'm Jacki Lyden in Washington; Neal Conan is away. It's been just more than two months since the U.S. consulate in Benghazi was attacked. Four Americans died there, including Ambassador Christopher Stevens. Congressional committee hearings resume today, on the handling of the attack.
Last week, the Pentagon released a timeline with new details - from when the armed assault began, to when the military was deployed to help. Countless questions have been raised about the security at the consulate, how the State Department assesses the situation and environment, and whether the U.S. military or CIA could have done more to protect the Americans and others there.
If you work, or have worked, at an embassy or a consulate, what was in place to keep you safe? Our number is 800-989-8255. Our email address is firstname.lastname@example.com. And you can join the conversation at our website. Go to npr.org, and click on TALK OF THE NATION. And later in the program, we'll turn to the Opinion Pages for the latest on General David Petraeus admitting to an extramarital affair. We want to hear from you: Why does this story matter? Email us, firstname.lastname@example.com. But first, what happened in Benghazi. And we start with David Kirkpatrick, Cairo bureau chief for the New York Times, and he joins us by phone from Cairo. David, nice to have you with us.
DAVID KIRKPATRICK: Good to be here.
LYDEN: So would you please take us back to that night in Benghazi? It's been a couple months. It had an election in the interim. Tell us again, who's inside, what date this happens, September 11th, who's outside, who's armed, who isn't. Just paint a picture of that evening, please.
KIRKPATRICK: You know, you make it sound so easy, but the events of that night have been so thoroughly obscured in rhetoric from the political campaign, it's pretty hard to reconstruct it as clearly as it should be. But in fact, in Benghazi it's a relatively transparent event.
The events start, if you want to be honest, they start in Cairo around 6:30 P.M. A mob had formed around the U.S. embassy in Cairo, angry over a specifically Egyptian video that was mocking the Prophet Muhammad, and at 6:30 P.M., the breached the wall. A couple of hooligans breached the wall of the embassy. That was on the pan-Arab cable networks around the region.
Three hours or so later, sometime between 9:30 and 10 P.M. a mob attacks the U.S. diplomatic mission in Benghazi. Inside are a handful of Libyan guards, a couple of American security people, a tech guy and the ambassador, Christopher Stevens. The mob of - shows up very quickly. The Libyan guards recall tranquility, you know, the ambassador walks to the gate and says goodbye to another diplomat just moments before, everything's quiet, and then suddenly they show up.
They're attacking with machine guns, with truck-mounted artillery, with rocket-propelled grenades, and son the whole place is on fire. Now, the - from what I know from talking to many witnesses, from my Libyan colleagues, interviewing the guards at the mission, it's fairly clear that the people who attacked - and even interviewing some of the attackers, I should say - the attackers were motivated by this movie.
They probably learned of the film from what happened in Cairo, and Benghazi being a heavily armed city that is full of well-armed brigades just sitting around with nothing to do, it's not at all difficult to pull together this kind of a military force on short order, perhaps three hours or less, to attack a facility like the U.S. diplomatic compound in Benghazi. And that's what happened.
LYDEN: I was wondering if you would give us a little physical description of the place, as well. I mean, that was excellent, But Benghazi itself, 600 miles from Tripoli, by the sea. This is a relatively small mission, compared to much larger embassies people might be familiar with.
KIRKPATRICK: Yeah, it's kind of a compound with a wall around it on the outskirts, not really the suburbs. It's not so far out of town, but on the outskirts-ish of Benghazi; one big building and a few smaller buildings. One they refer to as a cantina, one is a little guardhouse. The main building, a villa, had a wing that the ambassador used as an office.
It was set back from the road so they could be sure there wouldn't be a car bomb. But basically it didn't look that different than a variety of other properties in the area. Just a regular old house and yard, really.
LYDEN: David, as Cairo bureau chief, you've covered Libya. Would you say, in your estimation, that they were in a precarious situation there in Benghazi?
KIRKPATRICK: Yes, yes, absolutely, absolutely positively. Benghazi is a precarious place because Libya - you've got to really back up here. When the Gadhafi government fell, nothing replaced it. There is a nominal transitional government, but there is really no central authority. There is no effective police force, there is no national army. Everybody depends on these autonomous and self-organized local militias.
That said, they're doing a pretty good job. I mean, it's not unsafe when you walk around the street, but you have to be aware that at any time, any one of these militias could get some idea into its head about what is the best interest of this country, and watch out.
So you're thinking, well, they should have had more security in such an insecure place where all these young men are running around with guns, certainly. But the thing that I think the administration or the State Department would say at this point is well, you can't really have it. If you're going to operate in Benghazi, you can't really have the kind of security that would be prepared to withstand an attack by 200, 100 or 200 heavily armed men with rocket-propelled grenades, and truck-mounted artillery, and Kalashnikovs and some military training.
I mean, it's not - it's just not feasible to have a commensurate amount of American military force at a facility the ambassador visits every once in a while.
LYDEN: And you also wrote a piece last month about some of the other players in the region. You just, you know, you reminded us what the security situation has been like since the fall of the former Libyan government. You wrote back in October about Ansar al-Sharia and a militant group and its leader. What have we learned about their part in the attack?
KIRKPATRICK: It's an interesting question. Now, what Ansar al-Sharia is a - one of these local militias that styles itself as a kind of Islamist social group. They do - they protect the hospital, they do social work in the area, and they have an armed wing. And they're rather hard-line. They don't like democracy. They think women should be veiled. They don't like mixing of the sexes. All those things you associate with truly hard-line Islamists.
Now, witnesses who were there - including a Libyan journalist working with us - saw them there. They drove up to the compound in trucks marked with their logo. Fighters said, yes, we're here with Ansar al-Sharia. So we know they were involved. Now, that's not to say that Ansar al-Sharia was alone, and it's not even to say that the fighters who were there in their Ansar al-Sharia trucks, might not have had divided loyalties because membership in one militia or brigade, in Benghazi, is sort of fluid.
A while back, I interviewed a person in Benghazi, Ahmed Abu Khattala, who many witnesses saw there, leading - in some way - the attack, one of the ringleaders of the attack; considered himself to be the leader of another brigade, which sort of overlaps significantly with Ansar al-Sharia, that's called the Abu Ulbaidah idn al-Jarrah Brigade, named after an early companion of the Prophet. So that's what we know, of who was involved. And I don't - but I don't want to say that in a definitive, limiting kind of a way. It's very hard to know who else might have been involved.
LYDEN: Or assess exactly how organized people were, out there.
KIRKPATRICK: Yeah. You know, later on that night, as events unfold, you know, the attack died down at that first facility; and the whole thing moved to a second facility that I think we're going to hear more about; the - is - they refer to it as "the annex." That was a CIA facility, where the CIA was doing - we're not exactly sure what, yet, with a large number of people.
And it was not a facility that - the location of which was widely known, or even known at all. And in the wee hours of the morning, there's a much more - well, a different kind of an attack, an attack on that facility by - I believe - the same people. You know, I can't say all my sources on this, but I'm pretty sure it was the same people. And they used mortars to attack that facility just as American security forces were arriving - a handful of American security forces were arriving, to remove the people from the embassy. So they had a well-timed attack, in the early hours of the morning. So they had set up in advance, and were waiting to fire their missiles at the facility.
LYDEN: Yes, in the second attack. Well, David, if you would stand by. David Kirkpatrick is the Cairo bureau chief for the New York Times, and thanks for that excellent description. And joining us now, in Studio 3A, is Ambassador Christopher Hill. He's the former ambassador to Iraq and several European nations. He's currently the dean of the Josef Korbel School of International Studies, at University of Denver. Welcome back to the program.
CHRISTOPHER HILL: Thank you.
LYDEN: So you've been listening to David Kirkpatrick's assessment. When you're in a newer consulate like this one in Benghazi, is it difficult to assess what the security profile should be?
HILL: There is no question that it's difficult, and it's especially difficult when you're in a hurry to get in there. And I would say that the trend has been in the last 10, 15 years, where the State Department has tried to get in there early with the understanding that the earlier you get in there, the earlier you establish contacts, the better will be your capabilities of moving the society from conflict to peacetime.
So I think all of these kind of immediate post-war situations really confronts these problems of militias. How do you disarm them? How do you integrate them into national structures? And it's fairly clear now that in the case of Libya, it was especially difficult to do so. These militias, as David said, were really kind of all over the map in terms of ideology. They were very sort of loose organizations. You can be a member of on Tuesday, and you switch to another on Thursday.
So it was clearly very difficult. It was a real tough task that our mission was trying to do there.
LYDEN: Ambassador Hill, Ambassador, we have worried before about the security situation in Benghazi. There were requests, apparently, for extra security. If you have made a request for more security, would you have expected in the consulate to receive it?
HILL: Well first of all, there is going to be, you know, a full report of all this done by the Accountability and Review Board under Ambassador Pickering, who knows a thing or two about diplomatic security, had some, like, seven posts. So I think it's important to be a little patient and wait for that full report.
But I will say with respect to requests for additional security, it kind of depends on how they're made. Usually when an ambassador comes in in a first-person message and says I need X, there is a lot of effort in the State Department to get him X. But if we're just talking about a wish list of things, that's another matter.
LYDEN: OK, well, we'll revisit that in the next part of the program. David, thank you very much for being with us. David Kirkpatrick, Cairo bureau chief. Ambassador Hill, please stay with us. We're talking about security at our nation's foreign outposts. If you work or have worked at an American embassy or consulate, what was in place there to keep you safe? Give us a call, 800-989-8255. We'll have more in just a minute. I'm Jacki Lyden, and this is TALK OF THE NATION from NPR News.
LYDEN: This is TALK OF THE NATION from NPR News. I'm Jacki Lyden. Lawmakers are meeting behind closed doors in several hearings this week, asking questions about the attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, questions like who knew what when, how the State and Defense Departments responded and how we can better protect Americans abroad are all on the table.
So today we're talking about diplomatic security and what we can learn from Benghazi. And if you work or have worked at an embassy or a consulate, we want to hear from you. What was in place - infrastructure, protocols, security - to keep you safe? Our number is 800-989-8255. Our email address is email@example.com, and you can join the conversation on our website. Go to npr.org, click on TALK OF THE NATION, and call us at 1-800-989-8255 or send an email, firstname.lastname@example.com.
And we're speaking with Ambassador Christopher Hill, former ambassador to Iraq. But first let's go to a call, and we're speaking with Jennifer, who is calling us from Greensboro, North Carolina. Welcome to TALK OF THE NATION, Jennifer.
JENNIFER: Thank you.
LYDEN: So your question, please?
JENNIFER: I lived in Paris in '88, '89. My dad was stationed at the American embassy there. He was in the Air Force. And I - we lived in an apartment that was owned by the embassy but was not on the compound. And I recall that to get into the main embassy building, where I worked as an intern over the summer, you'd go into a gatehouse. You'd have an ID, and then they would verify not just that you have an ID, but they would look at you and wonder, you know, confirm who you were.
There was a Marine stationed there on the outside of the embassy, the main embassy, near the Place de la Concorde, there were Parisian (unintelligible) soldiers with AK-47s looking very armed. And my dad was - actually worked in an annex to the main compound that was in a different part of Paris. It was not marked as an American embassy on the street, but you could walk to it, and then there was a sign on the door.
And that's where the Marines lived, and so there was, again, many Marines that were there. When you came and wanted to get in, they had to confirm that they knew you, and they accompanied people they didn't know, like the cleaning staff were accompanied by Marines as they cleaned the embassy.
LYDEN: So, obviously, Ambassador Hill a different situation with a big European embassy than with the situation in Benghazi.
HILL: Well, I think one of the big differences is there's something called the Vienna Convention. And that essentially sets out the obligation of host countries to protect diplomats. So, even though there's a lot of discussion about the fact that every U.S. embassy has Marine security guards, those Marine security guards are not there to protect the perimeter of an embassy. They are to protect internal controls, make sure people put away their classified material at night.
So the people who protect the perimeter of an embassy are the people that the caller referred to, carrying AK-47s and whatnot. That is, in this case, the French police, although I'm sure they had a different ordnance than an AK-47. The problem in a place like Benghazi is that there was not a reliable host country force.
Now, we know that in Benghazi they used some militia groups to help provide some kind of defense in extremis. But this is the problem in these post-conflict societies, is whether the country in question, which has a myriad of problems they're trying to solve, whether they really have the wherewithal to bring necessary police and security protection for foreign diplomats.
LYDEN: You served as ambassador to Iraq until 2010. Were you asked to make recommendations, even informally, for security in something like the consulate in Benghazi post-conflict?
HILL: Well, if you're an ambassador, you have something called a country team. And one of the members of the country team is your so-called RSO, who is a regional security officer. Now in years gone by, the RSO was not such a senior person. But I can say that in today's embassies, in today's environment around the world, the RSO is a key member of that country team.
So if you as ambassador had some concerns about security, you would bring the RSO with some other senior people, and you'd have a pretty in-depth discussion. And you would find your RSO pretty receptive to ideas you had on what was needed in security terms.
So I would say that in a place like Baghdad, we had lots of really, really superb people. And - but in a place like where I was in Macedonia, where my mission was overwhelmed by a few thousands demonstrators, they burned all our vehicles, burned all our guard posts, we didn't even have an RSO.
And why didn't we have an RSO, people can ask, and the answer was the State Department was managing this effort to put so many new embassies in so many new countries, and sometimes you had to stand in line for some of these requests.
LYDEN: So let's take another call. Obviously, it's a very different situation. I'm fascinated by the Macedonian example because I visited the embassy in Baghdad many times. And, you know, it seemed like a fortress, compared to the kind of situation we're talking about. Let's go to Ralph, who is calling us from Raleigh, North Carolina. Welcome to TALK OF THE NATION, Ralph.
RALPH: Hey, thank you. First and foremost, these are some of the embassies that I've worked with. I was a Medical Service Corps officer in the Army, and I had a civil affairs additional skill identifier. Basically, what that means is that I really got to learn the intricacies of both public health, as well as security and working with the embassies to ensure that the security measures were in place.
Now every time we did stuff, it was always with defense attaches, and whether it was in Sofia, Bulgaria, or whether I was in Latin America and the Caribbean or in Iraq during the surge, there was always the defense attache. But the chief of mission was always the ambassador. And the ambassador was the one who was ultimately responsible for making the decisions about whether to step outside the security perimeter and go into more dangerous places.
And so in this situation, what I noticed is - like, there was a lot of people, you know, that haven't served in the military - meaning, our lawmakers - who don't understand this system of chief of mission. And they were trying to use it - it seems like, to me - as like a political campaign; to not recognize how the chief of mission works with defense attaches, to take calculated risk. And with that, I'll go ahead and let the ambassador make his comments.
HILL: Well, the chief of mission is very often a State Department person who's been selected as ambassador - but not always. There are a number of embassies where the chief of mission can be from another agency of the U.S. government. Or the chief of mission can be a so-called political appointee; that is, someone who worked with the political party in charge. So the chief of mission can be - can come from several places.
But I think it's very important that every chief of mission understands - and he or she does understand - that they represent not just the State Department, but they represent all these different agencies. And so when there are questions about security, you have to have kind of one standard, and you have to have one person at the top to make those decisions.
So the chief of mission will get the input from country team; that chief of mission, she will certain listen to a - Air Force attache, absolutely; the chief of mission will listen to the Army attache; the chief of mission will listen to - especially, the security officer, but also the other State Department people there. And then, as in a lot of things, it can be lonely at the top. And you have to make a decision. You're also in touch with people back in Washington - some of whom are second-guessing you but sometimes, maybe they're second-guessing you for good reasons. So you've got to kind of have your stuff together, and be willing to kind of make your case.
In the case of Macedonia, my concern was that Washington wanted to close down our mission - which on the first day of the Kosovo war, would have been a very bad signal. It would have looked like basically, Milosevic was winning. So I had to make the case that we were buttoned-down enough to keep our people there because first and foremost, the chief of mission is responsible for the people under his or her command.
But I also had to make the political case. So what we did was to try to work as hard - and maybe sometimes, even faster than Washington could work. We put together timelines. We showed what extra measure we were taking. We convened something called an emergency action committee, which consisted of senior people in the embassy. So you do a lot of planning, and you show, essentially - I would say - for an ambassador, this is your moment; to show that kind of leadership, and to listen to a lot of different, conflicting viewpoints.
LYDEN: OK, thank you. Well, let's switch now from State - to the military. We're joined by retired Lt. Gen. David Barno. He was the overall commander in Afghanistan from 2003 to 2005, and he's currently with the Center for a New American Security. And he joins us by phone, from the office there. Nice to have you with us, General Barno.
DAVID BARNO: Jacki, thanks. Good to be aboard.
LYDEN: Well, we're glad to have you. So imagine that you're in the room at Africa Command - if you would, for a moment. If you could just put yourself in the shoes of that commander, if you don't mind; and you get this call from the consulate in Benghazi. It's under attack; you're very far away. Give us an idea of your concerns at the moment, and the steps that need to be taken.
BARNO: Yes. Step back a bit, and say he probably isn't going to get the call in the - his command center from the consulate. It's probably going to come through his military channels; maybe back, even, from Washington. But he's going to look - if he gets this, you know, alert that there is a dangerous issue in his part of the world, first thing he's going to do is see what forces does he have available, to apply to the problem? So he's - he'll have an immediate situational lay-down that shows where all of his different capabilities are - from fighter planes to special operations teams, to ships in the Mediterranean - in this case, to Army units that might be nearby, in a training exercise. Then he'll start lining up what his options might be, at that point in time. So that's generally your first, preliminary assessment - is, what have I got? How quickly, then, could they respond? And then, what can I start to put in train, to be ready for what might come next?
LYDEN: And this, of course, we're talking about the decisions that would've been made by AFRICOM's General Carter Ham. Who decides when these quick reaction forces go in, and why are they so far away?
BARNO: Well, typically, the orders to move U.S. military forces have got to go to the secretary of defense. He's got the authority through - the order is processed there to really put forces on alert, although they can be informally alerted to prepare before that time. But to actually move forces around, particularly in between different commands, which this would be moving forces probably from Europe, European Command into the Africa Command Theater, it's going to have to go back to him for some type of ultimate approval. But again, a lot of that preparation can be done as you're working this orders process. This all happens not in sequence but actually in parallel, so a lot of actions are taking place at the same time.
LYDEN: General Barno, we're going to be soon in the middle of both congressional and Senate hearings into this. I mean, are you thinking as a veteran of these kind of things, is there going to be any reassessment about this chain of command or about how close these reaction forces ought to be to - especially far flung consulates like the one in Benghazi?
BARNO: Well, I think the examination of the timeline and the congressional hearings are going to scrutinize this pretty carefully. But I think one of the factors that we all need to kind of keep in mind is that the U.S. military is spread very thin around the world today and that, you know, the threats on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks were worldwide in scope. I think Secretary Panetta noted he had several hundred reports that he had received, indicating that possible attacks on U.S. facilities around the world were in the making. So with a limited force, with a war still, you know, very robustly going on in Afghanistan, with a lot of forces back in the United States itself, your abilities to have immediate reaction forces stationed all around the world to respond to a huge range of contingencies is got to be limited by definition.
LYDEN: You are listening to TALK OF THE NATION from NPR News.
Let's take another call here. We want to hear from people who served in embassies or consulates. And we're speaking with Marianne, and she's calling from Charlottesville, Virginia. Welcome to TALK OF THE NATION.
MARIANNE: Hello. Yes. This is Marianne.
LYDEN: Hi.
MARIANNE: Hi. I grew up an embassy brat, so I grew up around embassies in the '60s, '70s and '80s. And we had the Marines, so we felt safe. And then in the early '80s, my father was transferred to Beirut at the end of the civil war there - what they thought was the end of the civil war - to help rebuild the city; and was immediately killed in the first car bombing of any embassy anywhere.
LYDEN: I'm terribly, terribly sorry to hear that, Marianne. Who was your father?
MARIANNE: My father was Albert Votaw.
LYDEN: So sorry. And...
MARIANNE: Thank you. So until then, we felt completely safe. We were in Arab countries but we - but we had the Marines. And, you know, there's just - there's never an issue.
LYDEN: It's a little bit hard to hear you, so this is a tragic situation. But, you know, I was thinking as Marianne was speaking - Ambassador Hill, General Barno - having been a Middle East correspondent myself; the situation is very, very different, and she moved to - the family moved into Beirut. And there you begin to see this modern era of the very small, unknown enemy, people who are taking cues from many different, more shadowy groups that have different agendas and not the kind of organized opposition that had preceded it. General Barno?
BARNO: Yeah. I think we're clearly in a different world now. And her tragic story there dating from the early 1980s, you know, is nothing but reinforced by our experiences on 9/11. And since then, we're going to be dealing with these transnational, non-state actors, the shadowy terrorist groups that come together very, you know, ad hoc, in ad hoc manner, you know, all around the world that we may not have intelligence in front of these attacks. So I think all of our diplomatic outposts around the world are going to have to operate with that in mind. And in many ways in the last 10 years, that's what they've had to do.
LYDEN: I just want to read an email here that just come in from John Miller(ph). Consulates are, by nature, open to the public unlike embassies. We have hundreds of consulates around the world and dozens in the Middle East. This one would have needed 60 defenders, meaning 300 defenders overall, which could be a flashpoint itself. How would we like it if the Chinese stationed 300 Marines at their consulate in Houston? You want to take that one, Ambassador Hill?
HILL: Yeah. I would say that people need to keep in mind always the fact that there is going to be risk. You cannot expect to go on to a post-conflict society and know where all the militias are, know where all the guns are, and in the case of Libya, know where all the heavy weapons are. So this is really a question of managing risk. And I think one of the issues that the Accountability Review Board will look at is a question of whether risk was properly managed in the case of Benghazi. And I don't think we should jump to conclusions about whether it was or was not. I think these are tough issues. But I think, overall, you're going to see a very intrepid American diplomatic corps out in some of these very tough places. And, indeed, we've taken losses before and we'll probably take more in the future.
LYDEN: I just want to - very quickly, though, since we don't have much time left in the segment - you heard, at the beginning of our show, another retired vice chief of the Army called this consulate defenseless. Is that your judgment of it?
HILL: Well, I think they had a plan. They had a defense plan. The question is, was it adequate to the threat out there? And I'm not in the position to judge, but I think accountability review board will be.
LYDEN: OK. And thank you very much for being with us. Christopher Hill is the former U.S. ambassador to Iraq, among several other postings. He mentioned Macedonia. He's currently dean of the Josef Korbel School of International Studies at the University of Denver, and he joined me here in Studio 3A. It was nice to have you here with us in person. Thanks for coming in.
HILL: Thank you.
LYDEN: And Lieutenant General David Barno served as overall commander in Afghanistan from 2003 to 2005. He joined us from his office at the Center for a New American Security. Thank you for being with us. Thanks for your time.
BARNO: Thank you. Thank you, Jacki.
LYDEN: And coming up, we'll talk about the expanding scandal around General David Petraeus' extramarital affair and why the story matters. Stay with us. Call in. I'm Jacki Lyden. It's TALK OF THE NATION from NPR News. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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2009 Confucious Institutes Annual Talent Showcast
2009 Confucious Institutes Annual Talent Showcast
The celebrations are still continuing as the victorious coach, Joachim Loew, has been honored for his achievement in his hometown of Freiburg.
Germany coach Loew honored in hometown of Freiburg
Chinese men´s national team continued its preparations for next year´s Asian Cup, as they managed a one-all draw against visitors Jordan during a football friendly in Harbin, the capital city of Northeast China´s Heilongjiang Province.
China held to 1-1 draw by Jordan
The defending world champs came into the contest with a perfect 6-and-oh record, but they would be in for a tough first half before opening things up in the second.
USA beat Slovenia 119-76 in quarter-finals
Across the UK the hunt is on for James Foley's killer, who authorities believe is a British national. As Richard Bestic reports from London, Prime Minister David Cameron cut short his summer break to lead his government's response.
Three Palestinians were killed and 40 others wounded in the intensive Israeli war jets´ airstrikes on the Gaza city on Tuesday night, shortly before an end of a 24-hour ceasefire in the Gaza Strip,
As the protests in the town of Ferguson, Missouri turned violent with police facing ´heavy gunfire´ from some ´criminal elements´, cops fired tear gas, stun grenades and arrested 31 demonstrators on Monday night.


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TOKYO – Don't leave the base, don't take a drink and for God's sake, don't break the law.
That's what commanders are telling U.S. troops in Japan after a series of arrests and embarrassing incidents have heightened tensions with base communities, provided an unwelcome distraction from territorial disputes with China, and intruded on an election campaign in which a long-overdue debate on Japan's defense establishment is finally emerging.
Alcohol has taken much of the blame for the incidents and commanders have responded by imposing an 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. curfew for all U.S. troops in Japan. The Navy has banned drinking after 10 p.m., even at clubs and restaurants on base, and sailors involved in previous alcohol-related incidents are not allowed to leave their bases without specific permission.
U.S. and Japanese military and diplomatic leaders were scheduled to meet Wednesday to discuss additional ways to reduce troop misbehavior that in recent weeks has ranged from heinous to farcical:
– Two Navy reservists were arrested in mid-October and charged with stalking and raping a Japanese woman they had met at a bar.
– A drunken airman was accused of breaking into a home and striking a 13-year-old boy (before falling out a third-story window and breaking his ribs).
– A Marine lieutenant was charged with barging into an apartment and falling asleep on a stranger's sofa after a night of drinking, while another Marine was detained for climbing a drainpipe onto the roof of an office building (to practice "back flips," he said).
– A sailor was arrested after wandering naked around an Internet café and urinating on the floor, while another sailor was found dead on a train station platform, surrounded by empty alcohol containers, apparently having electrocuted himself by climbing on the roof an idled train.
Japan has a crime rate well below most developed nations, and the recent incidents, no surprise, set off a wave of protests. The local assembly in Okinawa expressed "outrage" at "dysfunctional" American troops and warned that all U.S. bases could be ordered off the island. Defense Minister Satoshi Morimoto complained that U.S. commanders were "having trouble teaching discipline to their soldiers."
The head of U.S. naval forces in Japan traveled to Okinawa to apologize in person to the vice governor, and the commander of U.S. Marine forces traveled to all 10 Marine bases on Okinawa to tell the troops to behave, or else. The U.S. ambassador expressed his personal anger at the incidents.
The bulk of U.S. forces in Japan are based in Okinawa and that's where most of the recent incidents occurred. A particularly monstrous crime in Okinawa in 1995 – a 12-year-old girl was raped by three American servicemen on her way home from school – galvanized local opposition and led to an agreement to reduce the U.S. military presence there. The reductions have yet to take place, further fueling local resentment.
"People are disappointed and upset because the Americans say they are enforcing curfews and imposing discipline, but these incidents keep happening. It can have long-term consequences," says Narushige Michishita, director of the Security and International Studies Program at the National Graduate Institute for Policy Studies in Tokyo.
It's already had consequences for the Marines. Deployment of the V-22 Osprey to Okinawa was held up for nearly a year because of local protests, and plans to relocate the aging and over-crowded Futenma air base have been delayed for a decade or more. Opponents cited the Osprey's spotty safety record, and environmental concerns over the Futenma replacement facility – but mostly they just want the Marines to go.
The storm comes as U.S. and Japanese leaders are watching warily China's efforts to back up its claims in the Senkaku Islands, which it calls Diaoyu. Chinese patrol boats have sailing into or near Japanese territorial waters around the islands almost daily for more than a month and the crisis is far from resolved.
The issue could intrude on Japan's parliamentary elections, scheduled for next month, as well. The candidate most likely to become the next prime minister, Shinzo Abe, has called for building up Japan's self-defense forces, easing constitutional restrictions and tightening relations with U.S. forces, but controversy over crime and misbehavior by U.S. servicemen could help sway opponents.
All valid reasons to tell the troops, "Put a cork in it."