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Esther 3 Bible Commentary
Bible Commentary
John Darby's Synopsis
Esther 3
John Darby's Synopsis
<< Esther 2
Esther 3
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Esther 3
The following commentary covers Chapters 1 through 10.
The condition of the people in the land till Christ's coming as shown by Nehemiah
The Book of Nehemiah has shewn us Judah reinstated in the land, but deprived of the presence of God, except as to general blessing, and unacknowledged by God as His people; so that, whatever length of time may elapse, their condition leads us morally up to the moment when the Messiah should be presented to seal up prophecy, to finish the transgression, and to bring in everlasting righteousness. That book gave us the last worduntil the coming of Christof the history of Israel; and that, in grace and patience on God's part.
The Jews' position out of the land but under God's hand shown in Esther
The Book of Esther shews us the position of Israel, or, to speak more accurately, the position of the Jews, out of their own land, and looked at as under the hand of God, and as the object of His care. That He still cared for them (which this book proves to us), when they no longer held any position owned by God, and had, on their part, lost all title to His protection, is an extremely touching and important fact in the dealings of God. If, when His people are in such a state as this, God cannot reveal Himself to themwhich is manifestHe yet continues to think of them. God reveals to us here, not an open interposition on His part in favour of His people, which could no longer take place, but that providential care which secured their existence and their preservation in the midst of their enemies. Those who were in danger were of the captivity of Judah (chap. 2: 5, 6), and of those who had not returned to the land of Canaan. If this betrays a want of faith and energy on their part, and of affection for the house and city of God, we must see in it so much the greater proof of the absolute and sovereign goodness, absolute and sovereign faithfulness, of that God Himself.
God's secret, sovereign and unfailing care
We see then in this history, the secret and providential care that God takes of the Jews, when, although maintaining their position, as Jews, they have entirely fallen from all outward relation to Him, are deprived of all the rights of God's people, and are stripped of the promises, in the fulfilment of which, as offered them by the mercy of God at that time in Jerusalem, they take no interest. Even in this condition God watches over and takes care of thema people beloved and blessed in spite of all their unfaithfulness; for the gifts and calling of God are without repentance. This, when well weighed, gives this book a very touching and instructive character. It is the sovereign unfailing care of God, come what will, and shews the place which this people hold in His mind.
It has been often remarked that the name of God is not found in the Book of Esther. This is characteristic. God does not shew Himself. But, behind the power and the mistakes of that throne to which the government of the world had fallen, God holds the reins by His providence; He watches over the accomplishment of His purposes and over everything necessary to their fulfilment; and He cares for His people, whatever may be their condition or the power of their enemies. Happy people! (compare, as to Israel, Jer. 31: 20).
God's government and sovereignty over the dispersed Jews
It is to be noticed that faith in the protection of God, and an acknowledgment of it, are to be found even when the dealings of God, with respect to His promises, are not owned. We are speaking of God's government, and not of salvation. Salvation is not the question here. The Gentile reigns and does according to his will, taking at his pleasure one of the daughters of Benjamin for his wife. Sad condition, indeed, for the people of God! a position contrary to all divine law, to all faithfulness under other circumstances, but here not leading even to expostulation. The people of Israel are lost here as to their own state. But God acts in His sovereignty, and makes use of this sorrowful evidence of their position to preserve them from the destruction with which they were threatened.
Nehemiah unfolds the last relationship of God with the people before the coming of the Messiah; a relationship of longsuffering, in which God does not own them as His people; a provisional and imperfect relationship. Esther teaches us that God watches in sovereignty over the dispersed Jews, and preserves them even without any outward relationship, and that, without revoking any part of the judgment passed upon them, God shelters them without displaying Himself, and consequently by hidden means.
It was this that, as a matter of history, had yet to be made known before the public interposition of God at the end, in the Person of Messiah, which prophecy alone could reveal.
God's interposition and His ways shown in connection with the earth
This interposition appears to me to be pointed out in the circumstances of this history; vaguely, indeed, yet clearly enough for one who has traced the ways of God, as revealed in the word. We see the Gentile wife set aside on account of her disobedience, and her having failed in displaying her beauty to the world; and she is succeeded by a Jewish wife, who possesses the king's affections. We see the audacious power of Haman, the Gentile, the oppressor of the Jews, destroyed; and the Jew, the protector of Esther, Mordecai, formerly despised and disgraced, raised to glory and honour in place of the Gentile. All this, be it remembered, is in connection with the earth.
The hidden hand of God
Finally, in the details of this book there is a very interesting point, namely, the providential means which God employed, the opportuneness of the moment at which everything happenseven to the king's wakefulness, shewing, in the most interesting manner, how the hidden hand of God prepares and directs everything, and how those who seek His will may rely upon Him at all times and under all circumstances, even when deliverance appears impossible, and in spite of all the machinations of the enemy and their apparent success.
Moredcai a type of the Lord
The close of the book presents, historically, the great characteristic facts of the dominion of the Gentiles; but one can hardly fail to see in it typically, in the position of Mordecai, the Lord Himself as head of the Jews, in closest connection with the throne that rules over all.
The appropriate circumstances of the Book
The very circumstances into which this book enters are appropriate. When an acknowledged relationship subsists, the dealings of God are according to the conduct of those who stand in this relationship; but here there is no such relationship subsisting. The scene is filled, and rightly filled, with heathen circumstances and heathen manners. Israel is as lost among them, their conduct does not come forward; but their preservation, where to the eye of man heathenism is everything, and their enemies seemingly all powerful. This is all in place. Any other picture would not have been the truth, nor given the true representation of the state of things, nor brought out into their true light the dealings of God.
It will be easily understood that this book concludes the deeply interesting series of the historical books, which, through the goodness of God, we have been considering, exhibitingas far as there has been abilitytheir leading features. May the Spirit, who has enabled us to enjoy that which God has deigned to reveal in them, continue to instruct us while meditating on those books which we have still to examine!
<< Esther 2
Esther 3
Esther 4 >>
Bible Commentary
John Darby's Synopsis
Esther 3
Related Commentaries
Esther 3
John Darby's Synopsis
The Geneva Study Bible
John Gill's Exposition of the Bible
Jamieson, Faussett, and Brown
Matthew Henry Bible Commentary (complete)
Matthew Henry's Bible Commentary (concise)
Wesley's Explanatory Notes


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Catawba Island Club Outline (Print)
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Frequently asked questions
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Yes! We can print up to 36"x48" for poster prints, and up to 30"x40" for canvas prints.
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Yes! When making the prints we orient them as they lay naturally, with north being at the top of the print. However, sometimes they fit better on your wall rotated. Let us know and we'd be happy to send you the rotated version instead!
How do the prints ship?
Included in the price of items is what we call "Standard Shipping". This varies depending on the item, but here is the guideline we use:
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Solomon's Listening Heart: The Queen of Sheba.* 1a The queen of Sheba,* having heard a report of Solomon's fame, came to test him with subtle questions. 2She arrived in Jerusalem with a very numerous retinue, and with camels bearing spices, a large amount of gold, and precious stones. She came to Solomon and spoke to him about everything that she had on her mind. 3King Solomon explained everything she asked about, and there was nothing so obscure that the king could not explain it to her. 4When the queen of Sheba witnessed Solomon's great wisdom, the house he had built, 5the food at his table, the seating of his ministers, the attendance and dress of his waiters, his servers, and the burnt offerings he offered in the house of the LORD, it took her breath away. 6"The report I heard in my country about your deeds and your wisdom is true," she told the king. 7"I did not believe the report until I came and saw with my own eyes that not even the half had been told me. Your wisdom and prosperity surpass the report I heard. 8Happy are your servants, happy these ministers of yours, who stand before you always and listen to your wisdom. 9Blessed be the LORD, your God, who has been pleased to place you on the throne of Israel. In his enduring love for Israel, the LORD has made you king to carry out judgment and justice." 10Then she gave the king one hundred and twenty gold talents, a very large quantity of spices, and precious stones. Never again did anyone bring such an abundance of spices as the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon.
11Hiram's fleet, which used to bring gold from Ophir, also brought from there a very large quantity of almug* wood and precious stones. 12With this wood the king made supports for the house of the LORD and for the house of the king, and harps and lyres for the singers. Never again was any such almug wood brought or seen to the present day.
13King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba everything she desired and asked for, besides what King Solomon gave her from Solomon's royal bounty. Then she returned with her servants to her own country.
Solomon's Riches: Domestic Affairs.* 14b The gold that came to Solomon in one year weighed six hundred and sixty-six gold talents, 15in addition to what came from the tolls on travelers, from the traffic of merchants, and from all the kings of Arabia and the governors of the country. 16c King Solomon made two hundred shields of beaten gold (six hundred shekels of gold went into each shield) 17and three hundred bucklers of beaten gold (three minas of gold went into each buckler); and the king put them in the house of the Forest of Lebanon. 18The king made a large ivory throne, and overlaid it with refined gold. 19The throne had six steps, a back with a round top, and an arm on each side of the seat, with two lions standing next to the arms, 20and twelve other lions standing there on the steps, two to a step, one on either side of each step. Nothing like this was made in any other kingdom. 21All King Solomon's drinking vessels were gold, and all the utensils in the house of the Forest of Lebanon were pure gold. There was no silver, for in Solomon's time silver was reckoned as nothing. 22For the king had a fleet of Tarshish ships* at sea with Hiram's fleet. Once every three years the fleet of Tarshish ships would come with a cargo of gold, silver, ivory, apes, and peacocks.
Solomon's Renown. 23Thus King Solomon surpassed all the kings of the earth in riches and wisdom. 24And the whole world sought audience with Solomon, to hear the wisdom God had put into his heart. 25They all brought their yearly tribute: vessels of silver and gold, garments, weapons, spices, horses and mules—what was due each year.
Solomon's Riches: Chariots and Horses. 26d Solomon amassed chariots and horses; he had one thousand four hundred chariots and twelve thousand horses; these he allocated among the chariot cities and to the king's service in Jerusalem. 27e The king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stones, and cedars as numerous as the sycamores of the Shephelah. 28Solomon's horses were imported from Egypt and from Cilicia, where the king's merchants purchased them. 29A chariot imported from Egypt cost six hundred shekels of silver, a horse one hundred and fifty shekels; they were exported at these rates to all the Hittite and Aramean kings.
* [10:1–13] The sub-unit on Solomon's wisdom contrasts with 3:16–28. There Solomon's gifts led him to listen to the humblest of his subjects; he accomplished justice and was revered by all his people. Here the emphasis is on his clever speech to a foreign monarch. She is duly impressed by the glory of his court, but it is she, not Solomon, who recalls the monarch's duty of establishing justice (v. 9). The unit is interrupted briefly by a remark about Solomon's maritime commerce (10:11–12).
* [10:1] Queen of Sheba: women rulers among the Arabs are recorded in eighth-century B.C. Assyrian inscriptions. Sheba was for centuries the leading principality in what is now Yemen.
* [10:11–12] Almug: the identification of this wood is unknown.
* [10:14–29] The material on Solomon's riches, like that in 4:1–5:8, is organized around domestic affairs, international affairs, and chariots and horses (see note on 4:1–5:8), but contrasts with that earlier passage. There, Solomon's domestic administration produced prosperity for all Judah and Israel (4:20); here the focus is on the wealth and luxury of Solomon's own palace (10:14–21). There his international hegemony assured peace for all Judah and Israel (5:5); here his maritime ventures simply bring him more and more wealth (9:26–28; 10:11–12, 22). There even his livestock benefited from his prudent administration; here chariotry and horses are just another commodity to be traded (10:26–29).
* [10:22] Tarshish ships: large, strong vessels for long voyages. Tarshish was probably the ancient Tartessus, a Phoenician colony in southern Spain. Ivory, apes, and peacocks: the Hebrew words are obscure and the translations conjectural; however, the reference is certainly to exotic luxury items.
b. [10:14] Dt 17:17; Sir 47:18.
d. [10:26] 1 Kgs 5:6; Dt 17:16; 2 Chr 1:14; 9:25.
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Email signatures. You've seen them around. But have you ever actually thought about what they involve? What's the point? Turns out, email signatures can be very beneficial for both individuals and businesses. An email signature gives a glimpse into who you are and markets yourself to anyone interested in building a relationship.
Just like there is a wrong way to write an email signature, there is also a right way. If you want to perfect your email signature, check out these easy tips.
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An email signature is short, sweet and to the point—no need to bog it down with too much information. Try to limit your signature to three to four lines of text. Most commonly, these should be (1) your name, (2) title, company and (3) phone number. If needed, you can also add other details to personalize the signature, but be careful to make these short as well. The email recipient shouldn't have to scroll through lines of information just to find what they need.
2. Make it simple.
When it comes to email signatures, simple is classy, professional and clean. That means no crazy fonts, colors or funky graphics. These can be distracting and draw attention away from your contact information, or worse, your message. Make sure your email signature is easy to read across different types of technology—phone, tablet, computer—for varying access.
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An email signature delimiter is a specific string of characters listed before the signature. The most common delimiter is the standard (-- ). This sets your information apart from the rest of the email and is universally recognized. Of course, you can use a different delimiter if you prefer, but be sure it is still professional and aligns with the image you want to portray.
4. Share contact info.
Obviously, your email signature is the perfect opportunity to share your contact information with potential connections. One big tip: Don't put your email address in your signature. Recipients already know what your email address is (hint hint: you sent them the email from it). This is a chance to share other important contact information, such as your phone number, fax number or even an alternative email address if they find that more appropriate.
5. Include social links.
Including social media links in your email signature is a great way to promote your personal or business brand, by asking email recipients to connect with you across different platforms. This also demonstrates transparency between professional and personal life. If you're posting business material on social media platforms, it can even help drive traffic to your online content. Don't go too crazy on linking all of your profiles, though. Include a few choice ones, e.g. Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, or none at all, but not a long list.
6. Add a call to action.
Finally, add in a call to action that relates to your business or personal brand. This can easily be changed depending on the time and what you're hoping to promote. One example may be "Check out my latest blogs" or "Learn more valuable marketing tips." The call to action should be linked to something you want the recipient to do, such as visit your website and read your latest blog. This step is also optional, depending on the amount of space you have in your signature and how much information you want included.
Though it may seem simple, your email signature is another valuable means of marketing yourself to potential business relationships. What it says can actually say a lot about you, so make sure it's as professional as possible. Try out some of these easy tips to perfect your email signature and promote your image.


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Remember when Apple was the most important company in the world?
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It is humbling to know anyone would think I would know anything about Ayurveda. Honestly, I don't. What I do know nevertheless is simple Indian home remedies, which almost every Indian household has. One such remedy is haldi ka doodh which translates into turmeric milk, which is simply that, turmeric (haldi) with milk (doodh).
Turmeric Milk
Serves: 2
2 cups fresh whole milk
1/2 - 1 tsp turmeric powder
2-3 whole black peppercorns
2-3 whole cardamom pods, cracked
1/2 inch ginger, roughly chopped
Pinch of saffron, optional
Sweetener like honey, jaggery or regular sugar can be added to sweeten the milk.
Heat the milk along with the spices for 2-3 minutes. Add the sweetener to taste if using. Let it cool until its warm. Strain and serve.


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Monday, April 27, 2009
The Twilight of Our Discontent
Monday, April 27, 2009
So here's the cover:
Aaaand here's the cake:
I'll give you a moment.
Ready? Back in your chair? Good.
Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?
Of course I can.
Do I mind that the apple is now a red bell pepper?
Nah, not so much.
Would I still like to know what the Wreckerator was smoking when s/he made those flabby-yet-disjointed amoeba arms?
[nodding] Yes, yes I would.
Kelly L., I know you have a stake in this, so I hope you won't be cross when I say looking at this bite-sized sucker is making me downright batty.
[bowing] That's five! Five puns! Mwah-ah-ah!
231 comments | Post a Comment
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I'm not sure which makes me wanna hurl more, the books themselves or this cake, ha ha (sorry, I shouldn't editorialise, but the books really are trash. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! Trash has its place in the annals of literature. Note that I was careful to spell annals correctly).
WV: hymeno
o.O - April 27, 2009 at 9:28 AM
- Cheryl said...
The puns? They were the wind beneath my wings! The cake? Sucked! (See what I did there?)
- April 27, 2009 at 9:29 AM
Ick! And just how many bottles of black food coloring did they have to put in the icing? That would be so awful!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:30 AM
- the ginabean said...
Although I'm one of, like, 8 women in America who doesn't care mightily about the Twilight books, that doesn't mean I don't think this cake was very poorly done. I mean, it's just...BAD. Those snake arms are really...something else.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:30 AM
- Tana said...
This cracks me up!!!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:32 AM
- Abby said...
- April 27, 2009 at 9:34 AM
This has to be some of your most clever comment-writing to date.
Without your explanation, I would have thought the arms belonged to a deflated blow-up doll. - April 27, 2009 at 9:37 AM
- Unknown said...
I bow to a master punster!
With all the wiggliness in those arms, I thought I was looking at a CCC. - April 27, 2009 at 9:40 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHA. That's amazing. I love how the arms are so veiny and shriveled.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:43 AM
- Shelley said...
Love it! Hahaha!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:44 AM
Woo hoo hoo, hee hee! Those appendages look like my grandmother's gnarley feet cradling a--yes, a red bell pepper.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:46 AM
- bella1021 said...
that is disgusting... love it!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:46 AM
- Ashley said...
Wow. Now, I'm all for people giving something the good old college try...but some stones should be left unturned.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:46 AM
Kudos on the puns.
All I can say about the cake is, "Wow." - April 27, 2009 at 9:47 AM
- Tina said...
Oh, my! That is one disturbing cake. Those arms, ewwww! They look like they smell.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:48 AM
- Charly said...
The puns...BRILLIANT!!! The cake...YIKES!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:52 AM
- The Courteous Chihuahua said...
Holy mother of pearl...I had a flashback to this!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:53 AM
- Unknown said...
You know I painted some arthritic hands, just like those on the cake, a few weeks ago as part of a painting of images depicting human suffering!!!
I obviously live on a different planet as I've never heard of the book, anyone else from Zurg? - April 27, 2009 at 9:54 AM
- Kami said...
The cake reminds me a lot more of Snow White than the Twilight cover ...
- April 27, 2009 at 9:54 AM
Love. it.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:56 AM
My 5 y.o. daughter would definitely enjoy your impression of The Count from Sesame Street. As for me, I thought it was all quite punny.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:59 AM
- Unknown said...
My question is "Who buys these cakes?"....seriously....ugh
- April 27, 2009 at 10:01 AM
...Well! I can certainly say how many Twihards are going to flock here and ogle and shriek about this Wreck. XD
- April 27, 2009 at 10:02 AM
- JAMIE'S CREW said...
EEEwwwwww!!!! That is awful. I think that looks like a womans legs up in stirrups and blood.....need I say more? Very poorly done!
- April 27, 2009 at 10:04 AM
- Half Assed Kitchen said...
I know nothing about Twilight (thankfully), but I do know that this cake is suckola.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com) - April 27, 2009 at 10:06 AM
- Valerie said...
You would think that MAYBE it would occur the wreckerator to do a VERTICAL design to match the orientation of the book.
I contend, when I see something like this, that the "artist" is someone who normally stocks the shelves at the grocery stores and got promoted to the bakery. - April 27, 2009 at 10:10 AM
- XOXO said...
Maybe stick-figure arms would have worked better.
And that's a lot of black icing.
It kind of hurts my feelers.
WV: manipess.
Yes. Yes they are. - April 27, 2009 at 10:11 AM
- TheNina said...
haha the cake sucks as much as the series!! xD
- April 27, 2009 at 10:11 AM
I know they're trying to make it look like the cover, but who wants to eat that much black frosting? I can just imagine the color that turns your intestines!
- April 27, 2009 at 10:12 AM
- B said...
I'm a fan of the twilight ads now on the site. Oh google, you're hilarious.
- April 27, 2009 at 10:13 AM
- Kathryn said...
Those arms look like the foot binding cake!
- April 27, 2009 at 10:15 AM
What I want to know is, why did they make the cake horizontal instead of vertical - you know, like a book cover. Maybe the arms could have stretched out instead of crumpling into a pile.
- April 27, 2009 at 10:17 AM
- Persnickety Ticker said...
::following behind Jen with my little drum where ever she goes::
BaDumBumpChink! - April 27, 2009 at 10:17 AM
Oh, also I'm definitely telling my sister to check out this wreck. She's loves the twilight series.
She swears to me that lots of adults read these books. - April 27, 2009 at 10:18 AM
- MeghanJG said...
Gah! How many brushings would it take to scrub all that black icing off your teeth??
- April 27, 2009 at 10:19 AM
- Jade said...
I literally gasped out loud and covered my mouth with my hand. My boss probably thinks something terrible happened in my family.
- April 27, 2009 at 10:27 AM
I'm glad to know I'm not the only woman out there who isn't obsessed with Twilight. And this cake just gives me more reason to not like it.
An aside--Cake Wrecks was mentioned on a blog on MSNBC today. Awesome! http://testpattern.msnbc.msn.com/ - April 27, 2009 at 10:29 AM
- Etiquette Bitch said...
okay, i'm so off topic, but i'd feel mean putting this on yesterday's post -- can i just say i think "smash cakes" are the dumbest thing? when we were kids, the kid blew out the candles (or adults helped), and your mom gave you a slice -- no smashing or smooshing in the face needed. it just seems like a ridiculous piece of theater, with no point. i've never seen a kid willfully smash a cake. stick finger in frosting, yes; smash, no.
and today? i was also thinking "red bell pepper." - April 27, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Ok, so maybe I'm one of the few people who's a fan of the Twilight series. Fan, not addict, thanks. But that cake is just horrifying. If you hadn't told me it was supposed to be a Twilight cake, I probably woulda guessed.......well I don't know what I woulda guessed, but it definately wouldn't have been Twilight.
- April 27, 2009 at 10:42 AM
Please count me in the group that can't stand this series either, as well as this cake.
WV: banic
This series and all cakes that pay homage should be banicced! - April 27, 2009 at 10:48 AM
- Carmen @ Life with Sprinkles on Top said...
What the........??!!
That seems to be my response to most wrecks posted! LOL!!!
WTH is that??!!
*shaking head* - April 27, 2009 at 11:03 AM
- Anna said...
This Twilight Fan is crying....how could they wreck that cover so badly?
- April 27, 2009 at 11:07 AM
I vote with the folks who thought it looked more like feet than arms. I haven't read Twilight the series), nor do I intend to since vampromance isn't my genre of choice, but even the worst of books deserves a better cake than this.
- April 27, 2009 at 11:09 AM
- Unknown said...
The books are not trash. They're wholesome, without any gratuitous sex, and a good read. If they're 'trash', they'd have not become the phenomenon they are.
The cake on the other hand, is trash.
~Amy B. - April 27, 2009 at 11:14 AM
- Mella said...
real vampires don't sparkle
Edward is an abusive jerk and
Bella's not too bright
The cake fits perfectly - April 27, 2009 at 11:18 AM
- Valinda said...
You know some 13 yr old out there begged her mom to buy that cake, poor mom.
- April 27, 2009 at 11:20 AM
Maybe the arms are supposed to be the "after all the blood was sucked from the body" version?
- April 27, 2009 at 11:25 AM
- Emerald76 said...
- April 27, 2009 at 11:27 AM
- gatofish said...
OMG, the flabby amoeba arms comment just about made me spit out my drink. Great writing, Jen!
- April 27, 2009 at 11:31 AM
- Trevor said...
On the plus side, they did get a nice lovely black on the icing, which we both know can be a challenge.
I thought the apple looked more like a chili now instead of a red pepper, but I can see that too.
Those arms though..... - April 27, 2009 at 11:31 AM
- sendingtheclowns said...
So, what's all the fuss about? Is this series about vampires? Werewolves? Apples as a vision supplement in one's twilight years?
Maybe someone will be kind enough to clue me in, as I am not a member of the Trendy Fad Book (or tv show, fashion, hairstyle, or cause) of the Month Club.
And I agree: that is most definitely a red pepper!
Wonder how it got stuck in that person's apparently very-diseased pelvic bones?! Huh.
=^??^= - April 27, 2009 at 11:38 AM
- Cat said...
Wow, you slay me.
:) - April 27, 2009 at 11:40 AM
Don't get me started on the issues I have with the twilight series. My fried made me read ALL OF THEM.
I find the cake extremley wrecky (even though the cover design of the books are actually quite good, but in fairness I have to point out that hands are hard to draw and must be ever harder to pipe.
Of course there are a million ways to do it so you don't have to pipe the arms with no guidlines, but then they wouldn't acheive the same standard of wreckiness. - April 27, 2009 at 11:44 AM
This might have been the work of an overzealous Twilight fan who was a little new in the bakery.
The beauty of it ended up being that the horribleness of this cake reflects the series perfectly ;-) - April 27, 2009 at 11:49 AM
- Sharon said...
My high school art teacher said hands and feet are the hardest thing to get right - if you can accurately draw your hands and feet, you can draw anything.
A recognizable apple, however, shouldn't be especially difficult... - April 27, 2009 at 11:50 AM
wv: marldsw. Definition of what happened to those arms.
I must be Twilight non-lover #9. I can't comment on how well written they are, as I've never picked one up to actually read it. I just know that it's one of the most trite storylines I've heard about since Dick and Jane Go to the Park. Except that Dick and Jane are *supposed* to be trite. And this is coming from someone who *did* like Anne Rice's Vamp books. - April 27, 2009 at 11:59 AM
- afterthoughtcomposer said...
I'm 25 and LOVED the books (and can't even count the number of adults I know who've read and loved it!). I read the entire series in under 4 days! Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)
That being said.
This cake is HORRIBLE.
Laughable, but completely hideous. I'm beginning to wonder if some of these wreckerators are working blindfolded. - April 27, 2009 at 11:59 AM
- Amanda said...
Nice pun-age! Too bad none of those puns have anything to do related to the Twilight vampires, but good job anyways!! :)
- April 27, 2009 at 12:01 PM
More like the Twilight Zone methinks...
- April 27, 2009 at 12:07 PM
- Jennifer said...
I believe this is the most horrible copy I've seen since I started reading Cake Wrecks. I think she should sue for copywright infringement or something. Can she do that?
- April 27, 2009 at 12:11 PM
- Mai said...
To the Courteous Chihuahua...what the #$@^%$ was that? As to the "cake" I HATE TWILIGHT since I was caught in the middle of a tween frenzie when the dvd came out in the bookstore and they had a party. Ugh! tweens should not be seen or heard after dark.
- April 27, 2009 at 12:20 PM
To Amy:
When did vampires become wholesome???? - April 27, 2009 at 12:26 PM
- 0 said...
ashleyalvina said:
"...Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)"
There's a difference between quantity and quality, you know. Also, you suck at logic.
I feel the cake perfectly represents the horrible, horrible abomination to literature and mankind known as Twilight. - April 27, 2009 at 12:30 PM
- Bonnie said...
Other Twilight cakes (mixed good and bad)--http://www.sweetaustin.com/BreakingDawn.html, http://cowcakecreations.blogspot.com/2009/01/twilight-cake.html, http://www.afterthebite.com/2510820.
- April 27, 2009 at 12:36 PM
- Lindsay B. said...
Why do I love this blog? Because two minutes ago I read James' story and cried (yes, here in my office), and then I scroll up and see this beauty and laughed my butt off. Fantastic.
- April 27, 2009 at 12:40 PM
- Kelsey said...
This definitely makes my monday!
http://insertidiomhere.blogspot.com - April 27, 2009 at 12:45 PM
- TB Tabby said...
Black icing...geez. Seeing black icing reminds me of the time by printer's ink cartridge ruptured and the ink oozed out in a coagulated blob. It does not whet my appetite.
As for Twilight...it only took one paragraph for me to realize how crappy it was. - April 27, 2009 at 12:50 PM
- Kathryn H said...
Oh, ...ick. I think childbirth is beautiful, but I don't want to see it on a cake. Am I the only one who sees "human birthing red bell pepper"? Push it back in.
- April 27, 2009 at 12:51 PM
- PerkinsClan said...
At least they spelled Twilight right, eh?
- April 27, 2009 at 1:03 PM
- Becky said...
Y'all should read Twilight before you knock it. They really are amazing books...and quite addicting. The cake? Not so much...
- April 27, 2009 at 1:03 PM
- ehnie said...
I usually read your blog from my handy dandy Google Reader but I absolutely had to commend you on your five-punned sentence. HURRAH!! :) Keep wrecking it up!
- April 27, 2009 at 1:12 PM
My first reaction? Is that creature (blanking his name.. darn you brain!) from the Goonies holding the... you're right, Bell pepper?
- April 27, 2009 at 1:13 PM
Sloth! The creatures name was Sloth!
*head desk* - April 27, 2009 at 1:13 PM
So much for the covers being the only good things about the books. What's with those arms?
- April 27, 2009 at 1:26 PM
I don't condone the use of that edible film with pictures on it (CHEESY), but in this case, they should have just taken a photo of the dumb book and placed it on a plain cake! I love cake, but I don't think I'd even eat this one...
- April 27, 2009 at 1:29 PM
- April 27, 2009 at 1:29 PM
Urgh. That actually pained me.
- April 27, 2009 at 1:33 PM
A cake that's as bad as the books and movie. Bravo.
- April 27, 2009 at 1:37 PM
I've never been more pleased with my current "under-the-rock" lifestyle than I am today. The first time I really heard of "Twilight" was 2 weeks ago when my friend (CSM at walmart) told me about the crowds & fights they had when...a book? Or something...Twilight-related, was released recently. I had to go home & Google it to find out what it was.
The books? I'm not even close to being interested. The cake? Almost looks NSFW. Looks like the natural sequel to the "pregnant tummy cake" a few months later.... - April 27, 2009 at 1:39 PM
That cake is the blackest kind of bakery blasphemy.
(Yes I read the damn books) - April 27, 2009 at 1:42 PM
Knocked Up: The Cake
- April 27, 2009 at 1:44 PM
- Meg said...
There's a Twilight ad running along the right side of this blog post (at least there was when I opened it).
Great entry. Gross arms. - April 27, 2009 at 1:51 PM
- NYU Mary-Sue said...
I laughed. So hard. In class! Your fault! Kukukuku.
- April 27, 2009 at 2:06 PM
Oh and jet black icing too. It probably tasted delicious - I'm guessing somewhere between ball bearing grease and drano.
- April 27, 2009 at 2:06 PM
Nice to see I wasn't the only one thinking those arms looked more like legs, with the apple/pepper located....well, we all saw the picture. Nasty, in so many senses!
Becca - April 27, 2009 at 2:12 PM
- sunnydazemakemesparkle said...
Found it awfully funny to find this cake here and at a twilight blog...at the same time.
I agree that it is so sucky it almost looks like it's a CCC.
and maybe just maybe they were going for the "blood sucked out already" look...
I loved the series and I know that SM isn't that great an author but the story can suck you in.
I always appreciate a great wreck especially when it's all about a subject I have an interest in! - April 27, 2009 at 2:13 PM
- Angie said...
That's just wrong. On many levels.
- April 27, 2009 at 2:13 PM
I was afraid when I saw the topic today because I had to do a Twilight cake for a customer a few months ago. Thank God it wasn't my cake that was on here! As soon as I saw what they wanted I said "I hope they don't expect it to look like the cover". I had to trace it from a projector onto a sheet cake (vertical, thank you very much) and then use gel and airbrushing. It turned out ok, especially now that I've seen this one! And yes, it is copywright infringement. I don't understand the wavy arms; just make them shorter. I didn't read the books although my 14 yr old niece loves them; I did see the movie unfortunately and it was horrible. Horrible. I don't understand the obsession with this series.
- April 27, 2009 at 2:20 PM
- Megan said...
Am I the only one who thinks the arms look like amputated feet? Geeze.
- April 27, 2009 at 2:28 PM
- unstoppable.zanmato said...
Sorry guys, I don't think a book with such an amazing amount of purple prose can be called quality literature! And this goes for Twilight AND Anne Rice novels. :p
The cake... even the worst book doesn't deserve that! - April 27, 2009 at 2:36 PM
- Sheri said...
BAaaaaahaha!!! You're so right about the red bell pepper...and we won't even go there on those scary, liquidy-looking arms
- April 27, 2009 at 2:38 PM
- WM said...
WOW...that's...um... really a lot of black frosting...
Jen, your scary laugh is actually starting to scare me ;o)
WV: dizippla...a nervous disorder exhibited by the Wreckerator of this cake...I think that 'splains it. - April 27, 2009 at 2:43 PM
- Scritzy said...
Thumbs up on the puns!
As for the cake — just expose it to sunlight and put it out of its misery. - April 27, 2009 at 2:45 PM
- Expat Mom said...
I have to say, the main reason the arms suck is because they seem to have attempted to make the thumbs go above the apple. I`m sure the cake would have just fine if they`d actually followed the book cover. . . . or not. :)
- April 27, 2009 at 2:51 PM
- Dea said...
Just because someone doesn't like a book doesn't mean it's trash, ya know....
I read and write historical romance novels for the most part, and most people make fun of the genre. Know what? a dag lot of work and research and creativity go into them. Just as with any book with any substance. I'm not talking bodice rippers or ones without any value to the written word.
Stephanie Meyer has one thing going for her - she's gifted in the art of description. Her characters and scenes come alive. If you don't like the story, so what? So it's not your thing. At least appreciate the fact that maybe, just maybe, you like a different genre that someone else might call "trash" for no other reason than they didn't like it or thought they wouldn't.
I thought I'd dislike these books. I was pleasantly surprised, much as I was with Rowling's works.
They're written for YOUNG people. Get a grip. They're supposed to be set in that mindset. Sure I don't agree with all of it - but I can appreciate a work of art without agreeing with all of it.
Just as with this blog - those who dislike it could call it "trash" or be mean about it - and they'd be wrong, correct?? Because just because you dislike something or don't agree with it doesn't mean it's wrong or useless.
At the very least, Twilight series got teenagers reading - OBSESSIVELY.
As for the cake - um, hmmm....is it abstract art, perhaps??? - April 27, 2009 at 2:56 PM
- CaliGirl9 said...
Black icing, a bell pepper, and skin removed from a tummy tuck.
Dee-licious. NOT.
My 20-something daughter actually knows of people who are currently in Vancouver BC (specifically Surrey) who have searched for the current filming sites, who hang out in Vancouver bars and restaurants looking for the actors, and who own several copies of the DVD—because there were different contents/features of the DVD when purchased from different outlets.
Yes I've read them and I am gobsmacked at how stupid the character of Bella is. She sets teenage girls/all women back 50 years with her stupidity and definition of what "love" is! I kept hoping someone would bite her and put ME out of my misery! - April 27, 2009 at 2:57 PM
- maggisaar said...
Ha! That cake is almost as bad as the books.
In fact the cake is better than the books. - April 27, 2009 at 3:03 PM
- the three amigos said...
I want to see the teeth and mouth of the person who eats a piece of that cake with solid black frosting.
- April 27, 2009 at 3:03 PM
- cygirlkat said...
If I had a quarter for every child, tween and adult who has checked out the books from our library over the last year or so....
Haven't heard anything about them that really makes me want to try them, although I'm amused at the description of polite, wholesome young vampires(huh, might have been better friends than a lot of the folk in my high school ;) )
Anyway, this rendition is truly shudder-worthy. I cringed at the gnarled appendages and the thought of how long it would take *that* much black dye to leave your system.
Vampire puns FTW! - April 27, 2009 at 3:06 PM
@ Becky:
Why assume that those that knock on it have not read it?
All those who I know that dislike the books, have read at least one of the books. Sorry, but the dislike comes from the books actually being crappy.
And that cake is terrible. I feel for whoever thinks they need to buy it....or eat it for that matter. - April 27, 2009 at 3:08 PM
Oh wow, I could make a better cake... and that's not saying much!
- April 27, 2009 at 3:16 PM
- mel said...
I'm saying it's a Van Gogh take-off on the book cover... very artsy, yes?
- April 27, 2009 at 3:17 PM
- Elaine said...
oh my, I love the Twilight books but there isn't enough money to get me to sink my teeth into this cake. It must have been made to repel Vamps, not to entice them. At least make it look faily human if you must recreate a bookcover.
- April 27, 2009 at 3:21 PM
- Sara said...
Wow, that cake is almost as bad as the Twilight books themselves...
- April 27, 2009 at 3:23 PM
- Kitten said...
Maybe that's not really a representation of the Twilight cover. Maybe it's a representation of Renesmee's birth in Breaking Dawn. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.)
- April 27, 2009 at 3:25 PM
- Coco Cake Land said...
YES!!! more twilight wrecks please!!!
- April 27, 2009 at 3:29 PM
Copyright issues?
Not with those jellied arms - it's
slapstick parody! - April 27, 2009 at 3:32 PM
- The Archduchess said...
Quel humour... mordant! - April 27, 2009 at 3:33 PM
- afterthoughtcomposer said...
Call it flawed logic if you want to, but it's really a moot point.
Next time, I invite you to attach your name when you insult strangers for liking something you don't. Anonymity is a real safe place, ain't it?
ashley - April 27, 2009 at 3:35 PM
Sweet sweet irony. Like the books (and the movie), this cake is a good idea poorly executed.
- April 27, 2009 at 3:35 PM
"Here, honey! I got a "Twilight" cake for your birthday!"
"Yeah, Mom, I've always wanted a black frosted cake with an albino octopus's tentacles holding a squashed tomato. Gee, thanks."
--Blue Jean - April 27, 2009 at 3:37 PM
- Kells said...
Hey! The cake's just like the books! Wrecktastic!
I will admit to reading them, and relate them to Twinkies and trainwrecks- they have no substance (well, the Twinkies, at least), are bad for you, but you just can't look away from the carnage. - April 27, 2009 at 3:46 PM
- Amethyst Rose said...
I am sooo glad I am not the only one that cant stand the series. If you want to read a great vampire series, try the queen of vampire novels Anne Rice or if you want a more contemporary series try Maggie Shayne.
Anyways the cake is awful and it just adds to my displeasure about the series. - April 27, 2009 at 3:59 PM
Twilight? I thought it was a Simpsons cake featuring Grandpa Simpson offering a salad ingredient.
- April 27, 2009 at 4:15 PM
Wow, that cake is totally disgusting! Great job with the puns though!
I'm happy to add myself to the list of women who haven't read Twilight, and don't ever plan to. In my opinion it isn't the sucky sounding plot that makes these books annoying--as I don't really have problem with reading delightfully bad romance, even of the teen variety--but rather how obsessed the fans are. I have a cousin who is one of the obsessed fans. She wasn't much of a reader before, but now she refuses to read anything but Twilight, and she's read them all multiple times. Scary, huh? She also tries to convince everyone else to read the books, and she even tried to convince her sister to name her baby after a character from the book.
One last thing, did anyone else hear about sparkly vampires and think, "Wow, I didn't know those books were about gay vampires."? - April 27, 2009 at 4:19 PM
What goes better with a dark, brooding vampire theme? Why cutesy, cheerful little dotty lettering, of course! (The heck???)
- April 27, 2009 at 4:24 PM
Fan of the series, yes.
This sad excuse for a cake, not hardly! How could you gag down something that looked that bad??? - April 27, 2009 at 4:25 PM
@kitty....YES! I was just about to mention Reneseme! I have to admit that breaking dawn was cringe-worthy, but still so bad it was good. The whole series is cringe-worthy but still a fun read for a whole weekend(yes that's all it takes is one weekend of being cooped up with seasonal allergies...to read the whole series). Let me tell ya though....If you look up Twilight and fanfic ....wholesome goes right out the window!
- April 27, 2009 at 4:43 PM
Ahaha, I don't know what's worse. The books or the cake.
- April 27, 2009 at 4:54 PM
"Eighty Year Old Woman Give Birth To Bell Pepper...exclusive photos only on cakewrecks!"
~Gwen B. - April 27, 2009 at 5:01 PM
That much black icing frightens me. My sister made me some music note cookies once, with black frosting on sugar cookies. Can we say green poo for days? Ugh....
Agree with the comment that the books are like a train wreck. They aren't really that well written...yet I was compelled to read them all this past summer. The thing is, she had some good story ideas, but every time I thought "oh, this would be GREAT" she left that to side-note filler. It's good idea, bad execution basically. - April 27, 2009 at 5:13 PM
- toyboxgreatone said...
I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! AND THE LIGHT SAYS TWILIGHT SUCKS! *Gets sucked into the light to read good literature and eat cake*
- April 27, 2009 at 5:14 PM
- Cheryl said...
I bow before your superior skills of punnery.
- April 27, 2009 at 5:17 PM
- Laci said...
The puns were fantastic! And I think the saddest part is that the wreckerator didn't even get the font remotely, even a tiny bit, correct.
- April 27, 2009 at 5:26 PM
It was decorated by Vincent Van Gogh! It's all wobbly and impressionistic in a bizzare sort of way.
- April 27, 2009 at 5:26 PM
- Unknown said...
This cake makes me want to throw up a little bit. But, then again, so do the books. Maybe it's not a coincidence?
Meyer just proves that you don't need to actually have talent to make millions, you just need to know how to manipulate the insecure teenage girl hiding in everyone. That's not genius, IMHO.
And neither is this cake. WTF with black frosting? Yuck! - April 27, 2009 at 5:27 PM
- Amelia Antwiler said...
Excellent Punnage!!!
Brava!! - April 27, 2009 at 5:30 PM
Um...why do cakes always have to be decorated "landscape"? If the decorator would have turned the cake long ways, she could have made the arms longer and the apple rounder. That's what I'm just going to keep telling myself anyway.
- April 27, 2009 at 5:33 PM
- Little Lovables said...
I admit I do love Twilight, but this cake, not so much!
- April 27, 2009 at 5:37 PM
I thought it looked like a uterus, but on second glance, yeah, that's a bell pepper.
(and yes, the books are bad but in a hilarious way. I plan to finish them at the beach this summer.) - April 27, 2009 at 5:40 PM
Actually, I think that cake is an excellent visual representation of the literary quality of the books.
Yep. They're that bad.
On a side note, the other day my husband and I rode the 101 loop, which goes through Forks, WA. I knew we were approaching Forks before I ever saw the sign, because businesses started to have references to Twilight several miles out of town.
"Edward Cullen did not sleep here," at a motel.
"Bella drinks orange crush!" at a mini-mart.
Once in town, there's even a Twilight store. They apparently sell Twilight books and memorabilia. I suppose the lure is that you can buy the books and memorabilia IN Forks? Because, omg, Bella lives there! - April 27, 2009 at 5:46 PM
My friend linked me to just the picture of the cake at first. Had it not been for the word "Twilight" at the bottom, I would've so thought it was some deformed genitalia or something equally awkward to be on a cake. That's not even meant to be rude, it's just the first thing I saw.
Yay puns. - April 27, 2009 at 5:58 PM
maybe they should've done it vertically :/
- April 27, 2009 at 6:01 PM
- Justin Lockwood said...
I'm with Ophelia and DangGina: an awful cake befitting a truly awful book.
- April 27, 2009 at 6:33 PM
The cake and your comment made me LOL!
- April 27, 2009 at 6:35 PM
This cake bites...THEN it sucks.
- April 27, 2009 at 6:38 PM
I know this is the internet, so you don't have to believe me when I say I am 17 and dislike Twilight with a passion. So these were almost knee-jerk reactions:
"Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)"
So, what do you think about Stephen King (an extremely well-known "genius" writer) saying that she, ahem, "can't write worth a darn?" For that matter, are you a world-renowned cook? No? Does that mean you can't tell the difference between limp, soggy sandwiches and well-cooked gourmet food?
"They're written for YOUNG people. Get a grip. They're supposed to be set in that mindset."
I'm sorry, but I would like to say that that comment hurts me and says a lot about how bad my generation must be. Wow. I feel even worse for our children/your grandchildren.
"At the very least, Twilight series got teenagers reading - OBSESSIVELY."
I guess it's better than not reading Twilight 24704723814392 times.
Anyway, forget the teeth and gums. Anyone else think the person had black poo for a week? At least it's not sparkly poo. - April 27, 2009 at 7:21 PM
- WakeGrace said...
A. i just rolled off the bed
B. this is the most comments ive seen in awhile on a post.
C. i got into twilight before new moon even hit shelves. ( im an original fan) and ive been wanting to see twilight cakes for awhile. my curiosity has been satisfied and i never want to see another.
the arms will give me nightmares for weeks. - April 27, 2009 at 7:32 PM
Square yards of black icing??? Imagine what your tongue and lips would look like after eating that.
- April 27, 2009 at 7:55 PM
kind of interesting. - April 27, 2009 at 8:34 PM
Maybe it's just because I'm expecting and I go to the OB/GYN a lot, but doesn't that kind of look like... well, um.... Maybe... uh, minutes after the baby is born?
Yeah, I went there.
It's all I see though! Welcome to my hell. - April 27, 2009 at 9:04 PM
- barbara said...
This looks more like the delivery of a red bell pepper.....eeewwwwww
- April 27, 2009 at 9:23 PM
- Pat said...
My first thoguht was that it looks like a uterus and Fallopian tubes! Ooh, the black teeth and tongues! Are the books trash or treasure??? I'd call them "junk food" - we all like it, but it's no good for a steady diet! (and yes, the series is disgusting!)
- April 27, 2009 at 9:25 PM
- Curtis said...
My wife is both a "Twilight" nut and an avid cake-baker. She's gonna love this! :-) - April 27, 2009 at 9:27 PM
why are the arms all veiny?? thats very disturbing.
- April 27, 2009 at 9:38 PM
- Lady Hermione said...
It looks like feet holding a red bell pepper!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:42 PM
I tuned hoping to see some Mother's Day wrecks... just hoping... hinting... nudging even, maybe!
- April 27, 2009 at 9:47 PM
this deserves no input from all twilight fans you know its a good im sorry the best story ever told no need to tell ppl who cant read how good a wast of your own breath move along if there wasnt any ppl who dont like twilight then we would all be smart and thats no fun so let there be idiots and let there be twilighters
- April 27, 2009 at 9:56 PM
the cake is gross tho some ppl should look at what there doing what a disgace to twilighters
- April 27, 2009 at 9:58 PM
- Megan said...
OMG TRAINWRECK! I wouldn't have even thought those were arms if you hadn't said.
- April 27, 2009 at 10:02 PM
- Hyena Overlord said...
"Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?"
Oh and the puns...very punerffic!
Cake needs a stake driven through it's ermmm bell pepper. The burn the remains with all volumes of twilight ever published.
Plus the cover is a total look-a-like on totallylookslike.com, for a christian book. - April 27, 2009 at 10:13 PM
- Hyena Overlord said...
Oh I forgot...black icing..blue poo for everyone!
wv Proust...ahhh literary genius soiled by the presence of Twilight. My apologies Marcel Proust. - April 27, 2009 at 10:19 PM
My husband so graciously pointed out that if you look at it close enough, it looks like someone shoved a bell pepper up someone's backside. Nice.
- April 27, 2009 at 10:25 PM
- E.A.D. said...
Oh gods as much as I think that series is a waste of paper........HOW COULD YOU INSULT THE COVER?? I don't care if it's attached to a bad book, at least have a cake rendering of such a lovely cover look nice! And just. . .*headdesk*
- April 27, 2009 at 10:32 PM
Twilight sucks, and it makes me angry that my age group is eating it up. This cake makes me want to stab my eyes out.
- April 27, 2009 at 10:37 PM
My husband said those arms look like a pair of feet! LOL
So a pair of feet holding a red pepper...yeah, that says Twilight to me! - April 27, 2009 at 10:37 PM
- Honeycrisp said...
this deserves no input from all twilight fans you know its a good im sorry the best story ever told no need to tell ppl who cant read how good a wast of your own breath move along if there wasnt any ppl who dont like twilight then we would all be smart and thats no fun so let there be idiots and let there be twilightersLOL! If this is an example of how "smart" Twilighters are supposed to be, then I am so glad to be a so called "stupid" non fan.
I'm so glad that a Twilight wreck made it to Cake Wrecks! - April 27, 2009 at 10:52 PM
- MomofthePolka-DotPony said...
OMG - all that black icing!
as for Twilight, I prefer my vampires to ACT like vampires. Which means I want them to consume other humans. I don't want them to "fall in love" with dumb teenagers. If I wrote Twilight, Bella would either be dead or undead in the first 1/2 of the book. And my vampires would not sparkle. - April 27, 2009 at 11:00 PM
- Agatha Christie said...
The cake is a wreck, no two ways about it.
I'm more disgruntled about is that there's this argument over how good/not good the books are and how lame the readers of said books are. I've read the books, they're definitely not the best literature I've ever read (of course that's just my opinion).
What should be a bigger concern is that young people are being bashed for being interested in books. Regardless of how irritating the whole fan base has become and how bad the books may or may not be, kids are reading and are actually excited about it. What would you rather them do? What power these books must have if the kids would much rather set down their video games and walk away from their computers to read a book.
Please forgive my digression, but I would go as far as to say that the books work to stimulate the economy. The Twilighters have to have not only all the books, but the calendar, the t-shirt, the jewelry, and multiple versions of the DVD. The books are being made into movies which give people jobs and support the Forks, WA area. The movies sell tickets and even more merchandise.
Whether the books and movies are good or not is not for me to say. But hey, if the kids want to read, then that's okay by me. - April 27, 2009 at 11:18 PM
- NYCGirl said...
"Dad? Can you pull over? I feel carsick."
As for Twilight, I haven't read the books. I don't know, I just don't get the vampire craze.
http://leastlikelytoblog.wordpress.com/ - April 27, 2009 at 11:31 PM
OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am laughing so hard at this! I love it! That cake looks exactly how I feel about the books! I have not read them, but I love that cake! I would buy it!!!
BTW, Lestat would eat silly sparkling Edward for breakfast! (sorry just had to plug my favorite vampire!) - April 27, 2009 at 11:32 PM
- Bilby P. Dalgyte said...
I think it was made as some kind of sweet sweet revenge for some girl the cake maker knew going on and on about the absolute hotness of Edward :P - April 27, 2009 at 11:37 PM
- Maddy said...
Maybe through windscreen wipers.
Cheers - April 27, 2009 at 11:43 PM
- sendingtheclowns said...
Laura said...
"This cake bites...THEN it sucks."
PERFECT!!! LOLove that!
>^~~^< - April 27, 2009 at 11:52 PM
- Hayley said...
those are some very vein-y arms, too
- April 27, 2009 at 11:55 PM
- April said...
Holy crap.
This is the first cake that has disturbed me enough to comment. - April 28, 2009 at 12:28 AM
I am a Twilight fan! Loved the books and the movie. Can't wait for New Moon's debut in theater in November. That being said, I decorate cakes. And while I'm no professional, I could have done TONS better than that!
- April 28, 2009 at 12:35 AM
- Lady said...
Oh, my. That is just bad. So bad.
But the puns restore my sense of happiness and well-being. - April 28, 2009 at 12:36 AM
i dont see why everyone seems to be criticizing the cake.
whoever made it would have seen this as an achievement and im quite sure none of yous and me included could make a different one - April 28, 2009 at 3:18 AM
it's more like a va-j-j after giving birth o_o
- April 28, 2009 at 3:47 AM
I am just wondering if it is a Red Velvet cake???
As for Twilight, I am 30 years old & am almost done with the 1st book. I love it! It IS more for a teenager, the no sex, alcohol, drugs thing, but I am now a FAN! AND I am reading my mother's copy! Hey, if it gets all those teanagers reading, instead of watching TV, I think it's great!!!
To all the idiots bashing Twilight lovers/haters...do you like every single thing your best friend likes? I think not. Do you bash them everytime they have an opinion? If so, you're not a great friend. Grow up & let others have their own opinions! - April 28, 2009 at 4:52 AM
- Absinth13 said...
A crappy cake for a crappy book... Appropriate!
- April 28, 2009 at 5:03 AM
I'm with those who saw legs rather than arms. Unfortunately, I was reminded of the infamous claddagh cake.
I have read the Twilight books, and I had mixed impressions. On the one hand, the writing is technically well-done, and she has an eye for characterization and dialogue. On the other hand, the moment-to-moment life of a teenage girl, told in relentless first-person perspective, is not relished by large numbers of people who are not teenage girls. - April 28, 2009 at 5:19 AM
I don't see much wrong with calling a spade a spade. Yes, people work hard and put a lot of creativity into their books. But let's be honest. Not every artist is a Picasso or a DaVinci. Many artists work just as hard and are perhaps even just as skillful, but they produce campy, contrived, hackneyed pieces that are meant to have commercial appeal and lure a certain segment of the population. Yes it's still art, technically. But a whole lot of it is trash art. And before you slam me for saying so, I happen to make a living producing trash art in the way of pinups and posters.
But I believe it's important to discern between good literature and trashy novels, fine art and trash art. There's no shame in loving trash, I certainly do. Just know the difference and don't elevate trash just because you happen to have a taste for it. - April 28, 2009 at 5:26 AM
- Anna said...
You know, I would like to see this cover reproduced by the person who did the French-flag-nails-alien-hand belly-cake. They seemed to have a pretty firm grip on vampire style and paleness. It should work out perfectly!
Congrats on the 5 puns. Aim for more next time! - April 28, 2009 at 6:28 AM
I have two words for you:
Mormon. Vampires. - April 28, 2009 at 7:01 AM
- April 28, 2009 at 8:45 AM
OMG--I completely go with the whoever called it "birthing a red pepper". I laughed so hard I thing I pulled something!
- April 28, 2009 at 9:05 AM
To Agatha:
Saying it doesn't matter what kids read as long as they read is like the mothers that say "let the kid eat candy all day , at least they're eating". As adults in our society we have a RESPONSIBILITY, yep I said it, a RESPONSIBILITY to feed our children and our youth the best there is, physically, emotionally, and spiritually in order to raise them up to be the best that they can be.
Whether or not the sales of such items "stimulates the economy" as you stated is a ridiculous rationalization. I would rather encourage the youth to become excited enough about something more edifying and "stimulate the economy" with purchases related to that.
We as the adults of the world do not have to just sit back and accept everything that interests children or youth. They are, after all, CHILDREN AND YOUTH, and DESERVE our guidance. - April 28, 2009 at 9:10 AM
- semi~psycho~baker said...
vampires...ANNE RICE STYLE rock....these books and this cake..... FAIL!!
- April 28, 2009 at 9:21 AM
- Hyena Overlord said...
Anonymous said "i dont see why everyone seems to be criticizing the cake.
whoever made it would have seen this as an achievement and im quite sure none of yous and me included could make a different one
April 28, 2009 3:18 AM"
It's cake wrecks. It's what we do. Check out the past posts and you'll see more terrible things done to body parts in the name of
Gary Oldman is my favorite vampire.
wv ingloomp. Someone who is ignorant (uneducated) to the existance of umpaloompa's(did I spell that right?) - April 28, 2009 at 9:27 AM
Wow, only 180 comments! Most Twilight yes or no boards have thousands. It's crazy to think that not liking the books (especially if you haven't read them) makes you cool, anymore than liking the books makes you uncool.
- April 28, 2009 at 10:12 AM
@Agatha - I don't think it is a question of 'bashing' people who like the books. I found 'Twilight' (I read that one, to see what the fuss is about - couldn't face any more) to be a 'trashy' book in the sense @Shel used that word - they are not, IMO great (or even very good) literature, but I wouldn't criticise anyone for liking 'trash' - I like certain types of 'trashy' novels, films etc myself.
I also don't have much of a problem with the fact that the books are not terribly well written, and, frankly, pretty predictable. I got bored with them very fast for those reasons, but not everyone has the same taste and that's fine.
The problem which I have with 'Twilight' (and my impression is that this is what bothers an awful lot of people) is the not-so-subtle subtext; the misogyny, the anti-feminism, the message to all those young girls and women reading that actually, an abusive relationship with someone how dominates you, isolates you from your friends and family and endangers you is the perfect love you should be looking for.
If you have ever had much do do with anyone who has suffered domestic abuse, you would recognise that Bella's character, the way she is written, the way she acts and reacts, show all the signs of someone in aan abusive relationship. Edward is a controlling, domineering, and deeply damaging partner, and way in which the story is told leaves the impression that this is a good, even desirable pattern for realtionships. It is that, not the poor writing or clunky plots, which I have a problem with.
The Cake - that's baaad. And it's a shame, becasue the cover art is the best thing about the book... - April 28, 2009 at 10:36 AM
- Julie said...
This is the absolute most horrible cake I have ever seen. Ever.
- April 28, 2009 at 10:48 AM
- kristin said...
Black icing is just so WRONG.
- April 28, 2009 at 12:24 PM
- Brittany Marie said...
I also thought it looked like Grandpa Simpson holding a red bell pepper.
"Mormon Vampires", however... not so much. Some of us Mormons [me] may be pale and pastey, and some of us [Donny Osmond] seem like we never age, but come on!
[Wait, has anyone ever checked Donny or Marie to see if they were Undead? I'm just sayin'.] - April 28, 2009 at 12:51 PM
- LeAnn said...
I run the Edible Book Festival at our library, and my co-worker made a great Twilight cake this year for our festival. Check it out here:
WAY better than this one! - April 28, 2009 at 1:16 PM
I was already laughing so hard, then I read Tina's comment "Those arms, ewwww! They look like they smell." and now I have tears of laughter running down my face, hahahaha.
- April 28, 2009 at 2:10 PM
- CaliGirl9 said...
azurelunatic, you summed up the way I felt about those books. The characterizations were excellent, but having everything from Bella's point of view was just too … idiotic.
I used to be a teenage girl and I wanted to slap her for her stupidity!
The next two films are being filmed in the Vancouver, BC area. So Forks, WA may be "the home" of the Twilighters, but the principal filming is in BC (to get around U.S. child labor laws; remember Taylor Lautner is still a minor and he's a big part of the second and subsequent books). There is a model façade of Bella's home built in a Vancouver suburb, and Surrey is standing in for La Push.
I am embarrassed to know this.
Rumor is the next "Twilight" books are written from Edward's point of view. I don't think he's much smarter than Bella …
If you click LeAnn's link (yes, yours is better done) you will find a link to a Flickr group of Twilight cakes. Black icing is an epidemic! - April 28, 2009 at 2:47 PM
- April 28, 2009 at 3:18 PM
@Judy: I agree, with a minor difference. I think it's okay to let your kids read trash once in a while, as long as you let them know you think it's trash. I believe enlightening young people on the difference and encouraging them to be well-rounded might actually be healthier in the long run than a strict diet of manners, etiquette, and exemplary education.
I'll admit that impeccable young people are a pleasant rarity in today's world, but I'm not convinced they're ideally suited to adapt well in a quickly changing future world. - April 28, 2009 at 3:25 PM
i apologize in advance for saying it....but it looks like a gynecological exam :(
- April 28, 2009 at 3:36 PM
To Shel:
Agreed! :)
After all, your insight to tell them it's trash, is in fact being a responsible guide.
Research from all angles is good but they need to be clear on their focus. Studying an opponent in any arena is a formidable way to do battle.
But keep in mind the saying "Garbage in - Garbage out" is not without merit.
Let them go out and see the world but as their appointed guides in the trenches we need to point out the land mines rather than just let them run willy-nilly in the mine field while we look the other way, hoping they'll come out the other side unscathed without any direction given. This would be irresponsible on our parts. ;) - April 28, 2009 at 3:42 PM
- jordan said...
Check out 2 much better twilight cakes: Myspace.com.cakesbyj
- April 28, 2009 at 4:30 PM
I haven't read all the comments, but surely I'm not the only one who sees this as 'Twilight meets The Scream'?
- April 28, 2009 at 4:57 PM
Drat...I sent this to my very pregnant friend who loves Twilight, hoping to scare her into labor. It didn't work. :( And no, baby's name won't be Reneesme, but that's what I'm going to call her! ;)
- April 28, 2009 at 5:38 PM
- Agatha Christie said...
To be fair, Judy, how many moms actually read up on the subject matter of Twilight before buying it for their daughters? Chances are, their daughters demanded the book and and Mom bought it because "hey, it's a book and books are good".
I mean, in an ideal world everyone would love and revere good literature and be educated enough to know that Twilight and similar books aren't exactly shining examples of profound literature. And as far as my rationalization that it stimulates the economy? You can't deny that the series has been a major cash cow for Stephenie Meyer and those involved in any way with the books.
I do agree that we as adults must be in charge of our children and their upbringing. Please specify what constitutes an "edifying" purchase because books seem to fall into that category. If you mean edifying in the sense that you'd rather buy a Jane Austen for your daughter, more power to you. But not all teenage girls can appreciate Austen and would rather read nothing than be forced to read it just because "Mom says it's better for me than just I'm really into reading". If I have to make the decision between buying something that some people (but not all) consider to be light and trashy reading, and nothing at all, I'd choose the trash because ultimately, it's more edifying than her zoning out in front of the computer. - April 28, 2009 at 6:29 PM
- Moi, la perdue! said...
All right, i'll go read the intire serie including the moonlight sun(edward version of the storie) again ..for the 4th time...ahh feeling better alerady...
By the way was the cake any good? - April 28, 2009 at 7:00 PM
EEk, I have to be the only teenager you absolutely hates twilight and if I had to make a cake to sum p all my rage it would probably look like this too!
- April 28, 2009 at 7:58 PM
OK I'll admit I'm a Twilighter. This cake had me rolling on the floor laughing! And the puns are just priceless!!
- April 28, 2009 at 8:24 PM
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We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.
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2023 NBA Rookie Of The Year Is Paolo Banchero Shirt
This 2023 NBA Rookie Of The Year Is Paolo Banchero Shirt is manufactured to order and was created by Byztee.
Brand: Byztee – Trendy Shirt
When you shop at Byztee, you can find high-quality T-shirts that will keep you cool and comfortable whether it's hot outside or freezing outside. We also work to give our clients the best customer service by upholding customer satisfaction guidelines and adopting an open-door policy.
Product Description:
For both men and women, we only utilize premium 100% cotton t-shirts that have a long-lasting finish. Because our shirts are always available in large sizes, you can be confident that they will fit you perfectly and enhance your appearance.
The 2023 NBA Rookie Of The Year Is Paolo Banchero Shirt's fabric, including the hoodie, sweater, tank top, long sleeves, and v-neck T-shirt is made of:
100% cotton is used for solid colors, 50% cotton and 50% polyester is used for Heather colors (Sport Grey is 90% cotton and 10% polyester), and 60% cotton and 40% polyester is used for Antique colors.
50% polyester and 50% cotton. cloth that is incredibly strong and smooth and is made from specifically spun fibers, making it ideal for printing. The majority of pollutants can't harm polyester fibers, and they also withstand stretching and shrinking.
Combed and ringspun cotton of 100% Airlume (fiber content may vary for different colors). Heather hues are 52% cotton, 48% polyester, while solid colors are 100% cotton (Athletic Heather is 90% cotton, 10% polyester).
Tri-blend colors are 50% polyester, 25% cotton, and 25% rayon, while solid colors are 100% cotton, heather colors are 52% cotton, 48% polyester, and athletic heather is 90% cotton, 10% polyester.
Our most popular tee for kids. The Youth Tee fits both men and women equally. This midweight shirt is often composed of 100% cotton and is comfortable to the touch. Only Light Heather Grey (90/10 cotton/polyester) and Dark Heather Grey (50/50 cotton/polyester) are exceptions.
Shipping And Return Policy at Byztee
We at Byztee are committed to providing our clients with high-quality apparel in original designs that uphold our corporate values of accessibility and affordability. We are dedicated to offering high-quality goods at competitive prices.
All of the nations where we offer shipping and delivery services will receive the 2023 NBA Rookie Of The Year Is Paolo Banchero Shirt, Hoodie, Sweater, Tank Top, Long Sleeve, and V-neck T-shirt. Delivery of the item will take 5-8 business days in the US and 10-15 business days for clients in the EU.
We sincerely appreciate that you took the time to read our item description, and we sincerely hope that it provided you with enough information to make an informed decision. Please get in touch with us at: [email protected] if anything is still unclear or if you have any questions.
Enjoy your day!
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One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin. He lay on his armour-like back, and if he lifted his head a little he could see his brown belly, slightly domed and divided by arches into stiff sections.
The bedding was hardly able to cover it and seemed ready to slide off any moment. His many legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, waved about helplessly as he looked. "What's happened to me? " he thought. It wasn't a dream.
His room, a proper human room although a little too small, lay peacefully between its four familiar walls. A collection of textile samples lay spread out on the table – Samsa was a travelling salesman – and above it there hung a picture that he had recently cut out of an illustrated magazine and housed in a nice, gilded frame. It showed a lady fitted out with a fur hat and fur boa who sat upright, raising a heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm towards the viewer. Gregor then turned to look out the window at the dull weather. Drops