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Gaza war rages despite Hamas, Israel pledges to hold truce
Published 12:00 am Monday, July 28, 2014
GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) — Israel and Hamas launched new attacks Sunday in the raging Gaza war, despite going back and forth over proposals for a temporary halt to nearly three weeks of fighting ahead of a major Muslim holiday.
The failure to reach even a brief humanitarian lull in the fighting illustrated the difficulties in securing a more permanent truce as the sides remain far apart on their terms.
After initially rejecting an Israeli offer Saturday for a 24-hour truce, Hamas said Sunday that it had agreed to hold fire ahead of the Eid al-Fitr holiday marking the end of the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan. But as Israel's Cabinet met to discuss the offer and the ongoing war, rockets rained down on southern Israel and Israeli strikes could be heard in Gaza.
Each side blamed the other for scuttling the efforts.
Hamas said that "due to the lack of commitment" by Israel, it resumed its fire. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said that Hamas showed it could not be trusted after it violated other cease-fire efforts.
"Israel is not obliged and is not going to let a terrorist organization decide when it's convenient to fire at our cities, at our people, and when it's not," Netanyahu said in satellite interviews from Israel carried on U.S. network Sunday news programs.
In a phone call later Sunday, President Barack Obama told Netanyahu the United States is growing more concerned about the rising Palestinian death toll and the worsening humanitarian conditions in Gaza. The White House said Obama reiterated that Israel has a right to defend itself and condemned Hamas rocket attacks that have killed Israelis, but pushed for an immediate cease-fire.
International diplomats had hoped a temporary lull could be expanded into a more sustainable truce to end the bloodshed, and U.N. chief Ban Ki-moon urged the sides on Sunday to accept a 24-hour break in fighting.
The U.N. Security Council was meeting at midnight local time, or 0400 GMT, to approve a statement calling for "an immediate and unconditional humanitarian cease-fire" and urging both Israel and Hamas "to accept and fully implement the humanitarian cease-fire into the Eid period and beyond."
However, both sides were holding out for bigger gains in the Gaza war.
Hamas wants to break the seven-year blockade of Gaza and believes the only way to force serious negotiations on ending the closure is to keep fighting. Israel, which launched the war on July 8 to halt relentless Hamas rocket fire on its cities, wants more time to destroy Hamas' rocket arsenal and the military tunnels the Islamic militants use to infiltrate into Israel and smuggle weapons.
The 20-day war has killed more than 1,030 Palestinians, mainly civilians, according to the Palestinian health ministry. Israel has lost 43 soldiers, as well as two Israeli civilians and a Thai worker killed by rocket and mortar attacks from Gaza, the Israeli military said.
Following Hamas' call for a break in fighting, an Israeli airstrike killed one person in Gaza when it hit a vehicle carrying municipal workers on their way to fix water pipes, the Palestinian Red Crescent said.
Police said Israeli tanks fired shells on densely populated areas south of Gaza City. One shell hit an apartment building and several shells struck a building. Navy boats also resumed firing on Gaza's coast, police said. The Israeli military said it hit some 40 sites throughout Sunday.
In southern Israel, one person was injured and a house was damaged by a rocket launched from Gaza, Israeli police said. The Israeli military said more than 50 rockets were fired Sunday.
Ahead of the three-day Eid al-Fitr holiday, which begins Monday, families in Gaza ordinarily would be busy with preparations, with children getting new clothes, shoes and haircuts, and families visiting each other.
But business was slow in the outdoor market of the Jebaliya refugee camp, where vendors set up stands with clothes and shoes. Hamed Abul Atta, 22, a shoe salesman, said he hadn't made a single sale in the first three hours after opening.
Abul Atta said he and his family were staying with relatives after fleeing the Shijaiyah district of Gaza City, which has seen heavy fighting. He said a cousin and three other relatives were among dozens of people killed there last week.
"We can't feel any joy right now," he said when asked if he would mark the holiday.
Meanwhile, the Israeli military acknowledged firing a mortar shell that hit the courtyard of a U.N. school in Gaza last week, but said the yard was empty at the time and that the shell could not have killed anyone.
Palestinian officials have said three Israeli tank shells hit the school in the town of Beit Hanoun on Thursday, killing 16 people and wounding scores. The school served as a shelter for Palestinians displaced by the Gaza fighting. At the time of the incident, witnesses said they were being urged to evacuate because of nearby clashes.
Lt. Col. Peter Lerner, an Israeli army spokesman, said Sunday that a military probe shows that "a single errant mortar landed," but that it is "extremely unlikely that anybody was killed as a result of this mortar."
Thirty seconds of footage released by the military showed what it said was the empty courtyard and a blast, apparently from the mortar. It was impossible to determine exactly when the footage was filmed.
Israel said it had warned people to leave the area for days ahead of time. The U.N. said it had been trying to achieve a humanitarian pause in the fighting to allow the evacuation of civilians from the area.
Photos from the scene shortly afterward showed bloodstains and people's belongings strewn about.
Despite the high death toll, the Israeli military says it is doing its utmost to prevent civilian casualties, including by sending evacuation warnings to residents in targeted areas, and blames Hamas for putting civilians in harm's way.
More than 160,000 displaced Palestinians have sought shelter at dozens of U.N. schools, an eight-fold increase since the start of Israel's ground operation more than a week ago, the U.N. said.
Hamas and other militants in Gaza have fired more than 2,400 rockets at Israel since hostilities began on July 8, many deep into the Israeli heartland and toward most of the country's major cities.
Israeli airstrikes have destroyed hundreds of homes, including close to 500 in direct hits, according to Palestinian rights groups. Entire Gaza neighborhoods near the border have been reduced to rubble.
A 12-hour lull Saturday — agreed to by both sides following intense U.S. and United Nations mediation efforts — saw Palestinians return to neighborhoods reduced to rubble and allowed medics to collect close to 120 bodies, Palestinian health official Ashraf al-Kidra said.
Goldenberg reported from Jerusalem. Associated Press writers Aron Heller and Yousur Alhlou in Jerusalem and Karin Laub in Gaza City, Gaza Strip, contributed to this report.


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WAIST: Using a measuring tape, measure the smallest part of your waist, not too snug, not too loose.
INSEAM: Measure straight down the inside leg from the crotch to the ankle.
HEIGHT: Measure from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet.
CHEST: Measure under your arms, around the fullest part of your chest.
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Some photos of bicycle infrastructure in the city of Vitória, Brazil from a recent trip I made there. No, it's not Best Practice, but even so it is brilliant to see that the idea with the design is right. Physically separated and on the correct side of the cars.
This is an interesting design in that there are curbs on both sides of the cycle track, with an extra buffer against the traffic. Can you believe that there are still traffic engineers elsewhere putting painted bike lanes on the LEFT side of parked cars and not along the sidewalk? Actually getting paid to design them like that? It boggles the mind that these people aren't relieved of their duties. 100 years of cycle track experience. You'd think that they would know better. In Vitória there were also bi-directional cycle tracks on various stretches. Not optimal, but they weren't along city streets but along the beach and through parks. A couple of places had Barcelona style tracks down the wide median. Only to provide links and not for any great length. And the markings were bold and big. Symbols and symbolism is important. On the beach stretch this was an interesting variation on the theme. Riding with a surfboard is hardly strange in Brazil, but towing the boy with the rope is cool! Cycle tracks rule. And rock and rule.See also


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Pastor Sheila R. Vitale explores Numbers, Chapter 18 in her newest video.
Pastor Sheila R. Vitale has a series on Hebrews.
Pastor Sheila R. Vitale has a new message in two parts, Pick Up Your Bed And Walk.
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This page displays all child pages of this page with featured images in a grid. It's perfect for your Projects, Team, or Services page for instance.
The Big Oxmox advised her not to do so, because there were thousands of bad Commas, wild Question Marks and devious Semikoli, but the Little Blind Text didn't listen. She packed her seven versalia, put her initial into the belt and made herself on the way. When she reached the first hills of the Italic Mountains, she had a last view back on the skyline of her hometown Bookmarksgrove, the headline of Alphabet Village and the subline of her own road, the Line Lane.


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From NPR News, this is ALL THINGS CONSIDERED. I'm Audie Cornish.
After months of anticipation, the Senate has rejected a proposal to fundamentally change the way the military prosecutes sexual assault. Democrat Kirsten Gillibrand of New York needed 60 votes for a bill that would give military prosecutors, rather than commanders, final say over which sexual assault cases to prosecute. The legislation got 55 votes today.
With us now is NPR's congressional reporter Ailsa Chang to talk about the fight around Gillibrand's legislation. And, Ailsa, first, let's explain what this proposal would have done. Obviously, it's stirred up intense emotions on the Hill for nearly a year now.
AILSA CHANG, BYLINE: It has, and that's because this bill would have completely transformed the military justice system, not just for sexual assault but for all serious crimes, like homicide or robbery. What the bill would have done is give military prosecutors final authority in deciding which cases can go forward. Right now, that final authority rests with commanders. But what Gillibrand and her supporters have been contending is that those commanders can't do enough to address sexual assault.
SEN. KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND: I always hoped we could do the right thing here to deliver a military justice that is free from bias and conflicts of interest, a military justice system that is worthy of the brave men and women who fight for us.
CORNISH: But talk us through more of her argument here. I mean, why would military prosecutors be able to do more than commanders?
CHANG: Well, her argument was basically the reason the military justice system is broken is because so few victims are willing to report sexual assault. There was some recent data from the Pentagon suggesting as many as 26,000 sexual assaults happened in 2012 and only 3,300 victims reported. And a lot of lawmakers saw that and decided, well, if you remove commanders from the process, maybe more victims will report.
Here's how Republic Rand Paul of Kentucky put it.
SEN. RAND PAUL: To me, it's as simple as, should you have to report your assault to your boss? That's what we're talking about. What if your boss goes drinking with the person who assaulted you, who's friends with them? Wouldn't we want to make the person you complained to completely outside the chain of command?
CORNISH: Ailsa, there was intense pushback on this idea from the Pentagon and other lawmakers.
CHANG: Yeah, there was. I mean, the first argument from them was, this just won't work. Democrat Claire McCaskill of Missouri, who's been the woman on the other side of this fight, says there's no guarantee that prosecutors will be more zealous than commanders about pushing ahead with these cases.
SEN. CLAIRE MCCASKILL: It is clear that right now, we have more cases going to court marshal over the objections of prosecutors than the objections of commanders.
CHANG: And then there was this other argument that basically boiled down to the idea of good order and discipline. And that is if commanders no longer have the responsibility to call the shots in this very important area, cohesion in the military would suffer. And those commanders then wouldn't be able to help change the culture.
You know, they say, think back to the 1940s and '50s when the military was trying to racially integrate or, more recently, when it was trying to end don't ask, don't tell. It was the power of the commanders to initiate courts marshal that allowed them to effect change. At least that's the argument now.
CORNISH: Now, even though today's proposal failed, Congress has just passed a number of reforms. Tell us about them.
CHANG: Yeah. This whole fight over Gillibrand's bill kind of eclipsed some far-reaching reforms that did pass last December. Now, commanders can no longer overturn jury convictions. Sexual assault victims must be provided with their own legal counsel. That's actually a huge difference between the military justice system now and the civilian system. And anyone convicted of sexual assault will get a dishonorable discharge at a minimum.
CORNISH: NPR congressional reporter Ailsa Chang. Thanks, Ailsa.
CHANG: You're welcome. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.


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The Extent of Suffering in Our World Makes The Existence of God Implausible.
Christian philosopher James F. Sennett has said: "By far the most important objection to the faith is the so-called problem of evil. I tell my philosophy of religion students that, if they are Christians and the problem of evil does not keep them up at night, then they don't understand it."
I'm arguing against the theistic conception of God, who is believed to be all powerful, or omnipotent, perfectly good, or omnibenelovent and all-knowing, or omniscient. The problem of evil is an internal one to these three theistic beliefs which is expressed in both deductive and evidential arguments concerning both moral and natural evils. I'm going to hopefully combine all of these elements into a novel approach to the problem.
As I do this, keep in mind what Corey Washington said in a debate with William Lane Craig: "We've got to hold theists to what they say…if they say God is omnibenelovent, God is omnibenelovent, if they say God is omnipotent, God is omnipotent. We can't let theists to sort of play with these words. They mean what they mean. And if God is omnibenelovent, God will not have any more harm in this world than is necessary for accomplishing…greater goods."
Here's the problem: If God is perfectly good, all knowing, and all powerful, then the issue of why there is so much suffering in the world requires an explanation. The reason is that a perfectly good God would be opposed to it, an all-powerful God would be capable of eliminating it, and an all-knowing God would know what to do about it.
So, the extent of intense suffering in the world means for the theist that: either God is not powerful enough to eliminate it, or God does not care enough to eliminate it, or God is just not smart enough to know what to do about it. The stubborn fact of intense suffering in the world means that something is wrong with God's ability, or his goodness, or his knowledge.
Many theists believe God set the Israelites free from slavery, but he did nothing for the many people who were born and died as slaves in the American south. These theists believe God parted the Red Sea, but he did nothing about the 2004 Indonesian tsunami that killed a quarter of a million people. Many theists believe God provided manna from heaven, but he does nothing for the more than 40,000 people who starve every single day in the world. Those who don't die suffer extensively from hunger pains and malnutrition all of their short lives. Many theists believe God made an axe head to float, but he allowed the Titanic to sink. Many theists believe God added 15 years to King Hezekiah's life, but he does nothing for children who live short lives and die of leukemia. Many theists believe God restored sanity to Nebuchadnezzar but he does nothing for the many people suffering from schizophrenia and dementia today. Many theists believe Jesus healed people, but God does nothing to stop pandemics which have destroyed whole populations of people. Lethal parasites kill one human being every ten seconds. There are many handicapped people, and babies born with birth defects that God does not heal. As God idly sits by, well over 100 million people were slaughtered in the last century due to genocides, and wars. Well over 100 million animals are slaughtered every year for American consumption alone, while animals viciously prey on each other.
Let me tell you about a man named Robert, who for four and a half years heard cruel voices in his head. The cruelest voice said that Satan was going to force him to murder his daughter. You may say that these voices were all lies and should have been treated as such. If you say that, then you don't understand the horror or schizophrenia. You wholeheartedly believe these voices. He was so convinced Satan was going to force him to murder his daughter, that he fought the urge to commit suicide on a daily basis so he wouldn't be the instrument of his daughter's death. Nothing that he tried helped him either, and he tried it all: exorcisms, repentance from every known sin, medications, and counseling. His wife eventually divorced him in fear he may have been a threat to his daughter, leaving him to live alone in a psychotic state. He's recovered a great deal. But why didn't God care?
Then there's former American slave, Frederick Douglass, who described how his Christian master whipped his aunt right before his young eyes. "He took her into the kitchen, and stripped her from neck to waist. He made her get upon the stool, and he tied her hands to a hook in the joist. After rolling up his sleeves, he commenced to lay on the heavy cowskin, and soon the warm, red blood came dripping to the floor." "No words, no tears, no prayers, from his gory victim, seemed to move his iron heart from its bloody purpose. The louder she screamed, the harder he whipped; and where the blood ran fastest, there he whipped longest. He would whip her to make her scream, and whip her to make her hush; and not until overcome by fatigue, would he cease to swing the blood clotted cowskin." Now why didn't God ever explicitly condemn slavery? Stories like these could fill several libraries.
I'll begin by assuming for the sake of argument that God exists.
Then why did God create something in the first place? Theists will typically defend the goodness of God by arguing he could not have created a world without some suffering and evil. But what reason is there for creating anything at all? Theists typically respond by saying creation was an expression of God's love. But wasn't God already complete in love? If love must be expressed, then God needed to create, and that means he lacked something. Besides, a perfectly good God should not have created anything at all, if by creating something, anything, it also brought about so much intense suffering. By doing so he actually reduced the amount of total goodness there is, since God alone purportedly has absolute goodness.
I could end my argument here, but let's say God decided to create something anyway. Then why didn't God just create a heavenly world? Theists typically believe that a heaven awaits faithful believers when they die, where there will be no "death, or mourning or crying or pain," where believers will have incorruptible bodies, in a perfect existence. So why didn't God just create such a perfect existence in the first place? If there's free will in heaven without sin, then God could've created such a world. To say God initially did create such a world but that there was an angelic rebellion in it merely places the problem of evil back in time. How is it possible to be in the direct presence of a being that has absolute goodness and unlimited power and still desire to rebel against him? Even if this is possible, why didn't God prevent such a rebellion? Pierre Bayle argued: "One might as well compare the Godhead with a father who had let the legs of his children be broken in order to display before an entire city the skill which he has is setting bones; One might as well compare the Godhead with a monarch who would allow strife and seditions to spring up throughout his kingdom in order to acquire the glory of having put an end to them."
Again, I could end my argument here. But let's say God decided to create a fleshly world anyway. Then why did God create us with free will? God shouldn't have given free will to his creatures if by doing so he knew it would lead to intense suffering. The giver of a gift is blameworthy if he gives gifts to those whom he knows will terribly abuse those gifts. Any mother who gives a razor blade to a two year old is culpable if that child hurts himself or others with it. If, however, God did not give us free will, then Calvinistic theology must justify why our world brings God more glory than a different world where he decrees from eternity that his creatures all perfectly obey him.
Again, I could end my argument here. But let's say God decided to create a fleshly world with free creatures in it anyway. Then what is the purpose of creating such a world? It appears to be a cruel game of hide and seek, where God hides and we must find him, and only the few who find him will be rewarded while the many who don't, are punished when they die. If God has foreknowledge then why didn't he just foreknow who would find him even before creating them, and simply place them in heaven in the first place?...then there'd be no one punished for not finding him. If this world is to teach us the virtues of courage, patience, and generosity in the midst of suffering, then those virtues are irrelevant in a heavenly bliss where there is no suffering or pain.
In any case, God should've had three main moral concerns when creating such a world:
Concern One: that we don't abuse the freedom God gave us. God should not allow any genocides like the Holocaust; no Joseph Mengele's who tortured concentration camp prisoners; no atomic bombs that devastated Hiroshima; no gulags, no 9/11's, no Cambodian children stepping on land mines, no Columbine shootings, no Jeffery Dahlmers, no gang rapes, or brutal slavery.
Good mothers give their children more and more freedom to do what they want so long as they are responsible with their freedom. And if children abuse this freedom, their mothers will discipline them by taking away their ability to make these choices. It's that simple. If my mother sat by and did nothing while my older brother beat me to death, and if she had the means to stop him and didn't, then she is morally responsible for letting me die. She could even be considered an accomplice.
God could keep us from abusing our freedom. He could've created us with a stronger propensity to dislike doing wrong just like we have an aversion to drinking motor oil. We could still drink it if we wanted to, but it's nauseating.
God could also implant thoughts into a person's head to prevent him from doing evil; much like in Robert's case above, except these thoughts would be good ones.
God has many other means at his disposal here, if we concede for the moment the existence of this present world: One childhood fatal disease or a heart attack could have killed Hitler and prevented WWII. Timothy McVeigh could have had a flat tire or engine failure while driving to Oklahoma City with that truck bomb. Several of the militants who were going to fly planes into the Twin Towers on 9/11 could've been robbed and beaten by New York thugs (there's utilitarianism at its best).
A poisonous snakebite could've sent Saddam Hussein to an early grave averting the Iraq war before it happened. The poison that Saddam Hussein threw on the Kurds, and the Zyklon-B pellets dropped down into the Auschwitz gas chambers could have simply "malfunctioned" by being miraculously neutralized (just like Jesus supposedly turned water into wine). Sure, it would puzzle them, but there are a great many things that take place in our world that are not explainable. Even if they concluded God performed a miracle here, what's the harm? Doesn't God want us to believe in him?
Concern Two: that the environment God places us in will not cause us excessive suffering. God should not allow any pandemics, like the Spanish Influenza of 1918 which killed 20 million people, no tornado's, no floods, no hurricanes, no earthquakes, no devastating fires, no volcanic eruptions, no lethal parasites, or major diseases like cancer, polio, malaria, pneumonia or AIDS. There should be no poisonous creatures like the brown recluse spider, and no poisonous plants like Yew (eat it and you die within minutes).
If God exists and wants us to believe in him, then he should've made it a priority to prevent religious diversity by clearly revealing himself in this world such that only people who refuse to believe would do so. In this way he'd prevent all religious wars, Crusades, Inquisitions and witch burnings. There'd be no religiously motivated suicide bombers, no Muslim terrorists, and no kamikaze pilots.
If God exists he should stop all natural disasters too, like the Indonesian tsunami. If God had prevented it, none of us would ever have known he kept it from happening, precisely because it didn't happen. Any person who is supposed to be good would be morally obligated to prevent it, especially if all it took was a "snap" of his fingers to do so. Why didn't God stop it?
If the theist claims natural disasters are the result of sin, then the punishments simply do not fit the crimes. God's purported punishments are barbaric when compared to our own. We simply put criminals in jail. We don't break both arms of an infant because her father lied at the office.
If God allows these disasters for a greater good, what's the greater good here? Any paltry benefits to the victims could've been gained by other means. To say the victims are going to be rewarded in heaven for their suffering can never morally justify why they suffered in the first place, otherwise the final eternal state, even if it's pleasant for them, only compensates them for their sufferings. This same reasoning could justify us torturing anyone, so long as we later compensated them for their sufferings.
If God exists he should not have created predation in the natural world, either. The amount of creaturely suffering here is atrocious as creatures prey on one another to feed themselves. There is no good reason for this and every reason against it. All creatures should be vegetarians. And in order to be sure there is enough vegetation for us all, God could've reduced our mating cycles and/or made edible vegetation to grow as plenteous as wild weeds do today.
Paul Draper has argued that "the theory of evolution of species by means of natural selection explains numerous facts much better than the alternative hypothesis, that each species of plant and animal was independently created by God." Specifically Draper argues, "Both pain and pleasure contributes to two central biological goals of individual organisms, namely survival and reproduction." But since God doesn't need the biological usefulness of pain and pleasure in attaining these twin goals, and since God additionally needs good moral reasons for allowing for pain, theism is antecedently more implausible than say, atheism. This is particularly persuasive when we consider how long sentient animals had to suffer through this evolutionary process before the arrival humans.
In fact, there is no good reason for God to have created animals at all, especially since theists do not consider them part of any eternal scheme, nor are there any moral lessons that animals need to learn from their sufferings. As a result, William Rowe's argument about a fawn that is burned in a forest fire and left to die a slow death without any human witness is gratuitous evil, plain and simple. It serves no greater good.
The theist may object that by making these changes it might go against the laws of nature and/or upset our fine tuned ecosystem. However, the theist faces a dilemma here: if God created the laws of nature in the first place, then he could've created a different set of laws, and if he didn't create these laws, then where did they come from? Besides, since this present ecosystem is causing so much intense suffering, the question for the theist is why this ecosystem is more important to God than one without so much suffering that constantly needs divine maintenance. People should matter more to God than a fined tuned ecosystem.
If changing the environment in any of these ways requires some adjustment that does not accord with any known laws of nature, what's the problem? The ordering of the world by general laws "seems nowise necessary" to God, as David Hume argued. The theist typically believes God created the universe out of nothing, and if he can do that, he can do anything in his world. He could even perform one or more perpetual miracles here. As far as the theist knows, the whole world operates by perpetual miracles anyway. Are all things possible with God, or not?
Concern Three: that our bodies will provide a reasonable measure of wellbeing for us. I want you to think outside the box here. All that seems to be required for this is that we have rational powers to think and to choose, the ability to express our thoughts, and bodies that will allow us to exercise our choices. So we could've been created much differently…easily.
God could've created all human beings with one color of skin. There has been too much killing, slavery, and wars because we are not one race with one language.
God could've created us with much stronger immune systems such that there would be no pandemics which have decimated whole populations of people. At the very least, he could've given us the knowledge to cure these diseases the day after he created us, but he didn't even do that.
God could've created us with self-regenerating bodies. When we receive a cut, it heals itself over time, as does a sprained ankle, or even a broken bone. But why can't an injured spinal cord be made to heal itself, or an amputated leg grow back in a few weeks? If that's all we experienced in this world we wouldn't know any different.
We find a lot of things in nature that God could've done for us. He could've made us all vegetarians, as I mentioned, given us wings on our backs so we could fly to safety if we fell off a cliff, and gills to keep us from drowning.
Only if the theist expects very little from such a being can he defend what God has done. Either God isn't smart enough to figure out how to create a good world, or he doesn't have the power to do it, or he just doesn't care. These are the logical options.
In response, theists resort to claiming we just cannot fathom God's omniscient ways. But this begs the question, because it assumes God exists. What needs to be shown is that God exists, and the empirical evidence of evil is against this. In addition, the theistic response here cuts both ways. We're told God is so omniscient that we can't understand his purposes, and this is true, we can't begin to grasp why there is so much evil in the world, if God exists. But if God is as omniscient as claimed, then he should know how to create a better world, especially since we do have a good idea how he could've created differently.
One main reason a theist claims to believe in a good God is that the arguments for God's existence outweigh the empirical evidence of evil in the world. But as soon as we study those arguments in any depth, they are less than persuasive. The design argument, for instance, is undermined by the extent of evil in the world.
Besides, these arguments don't lead exclusively to theism or to any particular type of theism either, whether it's Judaism, Islam, or the many branches of Christianity. Choosing between theistic religions depends additionally on historical evidence, usually coming from a pre-scientific and superstitious people, even though practically anything can be rationally denied in history.
The main reason people accept a particular type of theism, or none at all, depends to a very large extent on when and where they were born, called the "accidents of birth." For, if you were born in Saudi Arabia, you would be a Sunni Muslim right now. If you were born in India you'd be a Hindu. If you were born in Japan you'd be a Shintoist, and if you were born in Thailand you'd be a Buddhist. Deny it all you want to, but these are the sociological facts.
In conclusion, I personally think any single one of these problems makes the existence of God implausible, but taken together they are insurmountable obstacles to the belief in the theistic God.


text:
Diplomacy has failed, tyranny is on the march, now is the Time of Wrath!
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Concentrate precious industrial resources on building, training and upgrading a wide variety of combat units from airborne soldiers and armored divisions up to nuclear weapons! Historical leaders enhance the performance of your armies and hundreds of historical events like the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact, Lend-Lease and more give you choices that can change the course of history. WW2: Time of Wrath is fought across turns that vary in length by season and 25 km hexes with divisions and corps, giving the player a broad strategic picture of the war while still leaving enough room for operational decisions.


text:
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The growing gap between the richest Americans and everyone else isn't bad just for individuals.
It's hurting the U.S. economy.
So says a majority of more than three dozen economists surveyed last week by The Associated Press. Their concerns tap into a debate that's intensified as middle-class pay has stagnated while wealthier households have thrived.
A key source of the economists' concern: Higher pay and outsize stock market gains are flowing mainly to affluent Americans. Yet these households spend less of their money than do low- and middle-income consumers who make up most of the population but whose pay is barely rising.
"What you want is a broader spending base," said Scott Brown, chief economist at Raymond James, a financial advisory firm. "You want more people spending money."
Spending by wealthier Americans, given the weight of their dollars, does help drive the economy. But analysts say the economy would be better able to sustain its growth if the riches were more evenly dispersed. For one thing, a plunge in stock prices typically leads wealthier Americans to cut sharply back on their spending.
"The broader the improvement, the more likely it will be sustained," said Michael Niemira, chief economist at the International Council of Shopping Centers.
Income inequality has steadily worsened in recent decades, according to government data and academic studies. The most recent census figures show that the average income for the wealthiest 5 percent of U.S. households, adjusted for inflation, has surged 17 percent in the past 20 years. By contrast, average income for the middle 20 percent of households has risen less than 5 percent.
The AP survey collected the views of private, corporate and academic economists on a range of issues. Among the topics were what policy decisions, if any, the Federal Reserve might announce after it ends a policy meeting Wednesday.
Three-quarters of the economists surveyed don't think the Fed is ready to announce a pullback in its economic stimulus. Speculation has been rising that the Fed will soon scale back its $85 billion in monthly bond purchases because of the economy's steady gains. The bond purchases have been intended to keep long-term loan rates low to induce people to borrow and spend.
Among the majority of economists who think the Fed will maintain its pace of bond buying for now, the largest group think a pullback will begin at its next meeting in late January.
Most of the economists don't think the economy needs the Fed's help. Just over half say they believe growth could reach a healthy 3 percent annual pace even without the Fed's bond buying.
Several predicted that U.S. economic growth will pick up as the effects of tax increases and government spending cuts that kicked in this year dwindle.
As Janet Yellen prepares to succeed Ben Bernanke as chairman early next year, most of the economists expect the Fed to become more "dovish" — that is, more focused on fighting unemployment than on worrying about higher inflation that might result from the Fed's actions. The Senate could confirm Yellen as soon as this week.
Among the economists' other views:
— The economic recovery, which officially began 4½ years ago, has yet to reach its high point. And nearly all think the next recession is at least three years away; half think it's at least five years away. The economists forecast that growth will average 2.9 percent in 2014. That would be the healthiest annual pace since 2005.
— The Obama administration's health care law will make little or no difference to the job market. About two-fifths said the law would cost jobs. None said it would increase hiring. The law has drawn fierce opposition from many small business owners, who say it will raise hiring costs by requiring companies with 50 or more employees to provide coverage starting in 2015.
— The stock market isn't in a bubble. While the Dow Jones industrial average reached record highs earlier this year, most economists said that higher profits largely justified the gains.
— Europe will keep growing and avoid a recession in 2014. But growth will remain so tepid that inflation will co nearly non-existent. Nearly two-thirds of the economists forecast that inflation won't consistently reach the European Central Bank's inflation target of 2 percent until 2016.
— Inflation in the United States will remain low for the long run. A majority of economists think consumer inflation won't consistently meet or exceed the Fed's 2 percent target level until 2015 or later.
Economists appear to be increasingly concerned about the effects of inequality on growth. In a speech this month, President Barack Obama declared inequality the "defining challenge of our time."
Brown, the Raymond James economist, says analysts used to debate whether inequality was worsening.
Now, he says, "there's not much denial of that ... and you're starting to see some research saying, yes, it does slow the economy."


text:
Sunday, December 13, 2009
A venting…
This February a bitch will celebrate five years of blogging here at AngryBlackBitch.
I've written a lot about my family…my sister, brother and my father, rest his soul.
But I haven't written much about my mother, because we are estranged.
I have not spoken to my mother in over seven years.
I'll confess that part of why I have not written about my mother and our estrangement is because people don't receive that information well. I don't hide it in my life…I'm not ashamed or embarrassed…but I've learned from people's reactions and advice that folks feel compelled to try to inspire a Hallmark reunion when someone tells them they are estranged from a parent.
And there will not be a Hallmark moment tearful reunion bursting with tenderhearted joy between my mother and this bitch.
And the choir asked… "Okay, bitch…fine…why the fuck are you bringing her up?"
And a bitch replied… "Because my mother resurfaced in my world last week…arriving in town and stirring up shit like only she can."
Here's the deal…my mother is a toxic person for me. She is manipulative, judgmental and verbally abusive. I've seen her treat others well, but with me things are different and always have been.
For the first seventeen years of my life I internalized that and blamed myself, thinking that there must be something in me that inspired her to lash out and generally not like me. When my older sister went to college and it became just the two of us in the house things escalated (my older autistic brother was in residential care and my father moved to Chicago after my parents divorced).
My sixteenth year of life was the single most challenging twelve months of hell that I can remember. I was at an emotional bottom and desperate for relief from being the target of the daily verbal target practice my mother indulged in…the kind of verbal abuse that is so very hard to explain, that a body somehow learns to endure but never truly release.
I developed the following technique…a routine that allowed me to fool my friends, teachers and classmates into thinking everything was okay. My mother would go off on me during the drive to school each morning, not stopping until I broke down and cried. I took early hour classes at high school, so there weren't a lot of students entering the building when I arrived. I'd close the car door, wipe the tears from my face and quickly walk inside, going straight to the bathroom. Once inside, I turned the water on cold at the sink and thrust my hands under the rush of frigid water palms up…and I'd stay there, ice cold water flowing over my hands, until my heartbeat slowed and my breath no longer hitched in my chest. After a quick splash of water to the face I took five deep breaths, checked my reflection in the mirror and then gathered up my shit and went to class.
I've met folks I went to high school with who had no idea that my home life was absolute shit. It's amazing how people see what we want them to see…how easy it is to put on a show day after day when everyday a part of yourself is dying inside.
My salvation came in the form of college…my acceptance to Simon's Rock College literally changed my life. I applied, got letters of recommendation, took the required tests and mailed off my application without telling my mother. When I was accepted I told her I was leaving.
She told me I would fail.
I told her thank you.
I meant it…really meant that thank you…because proving her wrong had long been an amazing motivator.
So, I took my first step away from mama drama when I was seventeen…and another a year later when I transferred to Brandeis…and yet another three years after than when I moved to Texas to live with my sister.
But I didn't sever ties completely…and my mother remained a toxic force in my life. She'd call or visit (she eventually moved to Texas too…and may the gods be damned for that one) and I'd be right back in that house with her, sixteen again and dying inside while working to maintain the appearance of a successful young woman with a supportive mother who made all that success possible.
That shit went on for years…it might have gone on forever, but I got sick when I was 29. After a year of trying other shit I had to have surgery for fibroids and I never even thought to tell my mother about the initial diagnosis or the upcoming surgery. I was focused on getting well and I knew that my mother was the last thing I needed around me. She eventually found out when my sister let it slip during an argument…and my mother decided to play maternal and come to the hospital for the big day.
True to form, she couldn't stay in character long…she picked a fight with my sister soon after I came out of surgery and, after upsetting everyone present with the exception of this bitch (I was out of it, thanks to some exceptional meds), exited stage left.
I was in the hospital for three days.
She didn't come back.
She called several days later after my release and asked to come visit. I held her off for another week because I didn't want her in my house while I was taking powerful pain meds and unable to properly defend myself. When she did visit I couldn't wait for her to leave…to just walk out the door and cease trying to pretend that she gave a flying shit just because society expected her to. And when she finally did leave…after dropping several rancid comments about random shit…I sat down and acknowledged that both of us were playing the same stupid game and that the only reason I kept engaging my mother was because society expected children to.
I was 30 years old when I broke with my mother…there wasn't a huge scene or massive battle. I didn't stage a moment of closure or set up a final conversation. I moved back home to St. Louis and just stopped engaging. She continued to talk to my older sister and harass her for information about me while defending herself as the innocent party in the whole mess…I finally sent her a letter explaining that I was done and that harassing my sister wasn't going to change that. She sent a reply explaining that I was crazy, the years of manipulation and abuse never happened and that I should check myself into a mental hospital to get help.
That's the last I heard from my mother…that's right, I was mama drama free for years…until last week.
I got a call while at work – my mother was in town driving around my brother's old neighborhood looking for his house. She had not been in contact with her son either for damn near seven years, choosing to sever ties with all her children even though my autistic brother was the one person she used to have a positive relationship with. Now, after years of silence, she was driving around looking for his house…he moved years ago but she didn't have the new address. Now, after years of silence, the staff at my brother's house was on my phone asking whether they could give my mother his address and phone number (my sister and I are co-guardians and things like that have to be approved by us).
My sister and I nixed the surprise drop in attempt…my brother's the kind of autistic person who doesn't always respond well to sudden changes or surprises.
We agreed to a dinner meet up between my brother and my mother…by all reports it went well.
Throughout the week I was on edge…out of sorts…but not as out of sorts as I often thought I would be when I allowed myself to wonder what my reaction would be if she suddenly showed up.
And it just hit me…just now, while writing all this shit down…that this vent isn't the rant it would have been years ago…that I'm stronger now…that I'm further along on this road than I thought I was…that I am, rather than a mass of reactions and fear, truly at peace with my choice.
Whether my mother is here to stay or just visiting remains to be seen.
But my family…my brother and sister and this bitch…we're going to be okay.
Our mama's drama doesn't have to become our drama.
Yeah, we're going to be fine.
The vent ends.
47 comments:
- Memnet said...
I'm so sorry about the drama with your mother. I can totally relate... I walked away from my family about two, maybe three years ago and have never regretted it. What I regret is that the opportunity to exit without looking like the bad guy didn't hit until I was in my early-mid 50's. I had an abusive childhood and as an adult my family saw me as nothing more than an exploitable resource. I have never regretted walking away from them. I'm glad to see that you're dealing with the situation well and that you are at peace. Sorry though that yet another person has a parent/parents who suck. :( It happens way too often.
- Jen said...
Things I love about this post:
1) You. (ok, so you're a person, not a thing, but I figured I should throw an "I love you" in here somewhere.)
2) It's real. It's not a pretty reality, but it's a reality.
3) The courage. In posting about this on your blog and in cutting her out of your life. In not just playing that role of "the good daughter" just because that's the role we're supposed to play. (Not that this is surprising. A bitch doesn't often do things just 'cause she's supposed to.)
4) Self-care. In a movement that often puts pretty much everything (the cause, families that wrap up into neat little boxes, miles of spreadsheets & reports) before care of oneself, it's pretty rare to find awesome activists who will also actually put value on their own needs.
I think it's been a few weeks since I expressed this, so here goes again: I'm so, so very glad I have you as a colleague, way on the other side of this effed up state.
ps - are the sorta-beagles trained as attack/defense dogs? If not, could you learn 'em up real quick? - 6:30 PM
- Flopsy said...
Good for you sista! I like that you point out that society makes us think that we are required to put up with this kind of treatment just because we are related. I still have a relationship with my mom, but I'm getting better at using my filter ;)
Thanks for sharing - 8:03 PM
I love my mother dearly. She loved me dearly too. She departed this world and I think of her every waking moment, with the greatest joy possible. I'm sad that you don't have a relationship with your mother but I'm happy you are a strong, honest person.
- mmmpossible said...
Bravo! Isn't knowing yourself and being comfortable with your choices grand? I applaud you for having the courage to stand up to the collective masses and simply say your life wasn't a crystal stair and that as an adult you have the right to live a happy, healthy and fulfilled life. Happy Holidays girl!
Be Well - 8:56 PM
- Nat said...
This hit home for me. We are estranged from The Man's mother. I haven't seen her since she accused me of child abuse. (I may be a loud obnoxious person but I don't even spank the kid. You know?) It's been more than six years. In the interim she's gone after The Man's father for alimony. Accused her other son of stalking her (by waiting outside her door in the bushes... not making this shit up) and she has only met her youngest grand-daughter once. Last week, we get an email that she is "dying from arthritis" and needs money. Who dies from arthritis (Yeah, I know it can happen but in her case... not so much.)
Still we get the looks when we tell people that... that it is our fault. The Man (after therapy) is finally ok with this, and realizes it's not his fault... sigh. Still they want that tearful reunion. Hate to say it. Not gonna happen. - 8:58 PM
Bless you. You do sound like you're going to be fine. I'm sorry family can be so painful and complicated. I wish you luck weathering the storm.
- 'Drea said...
Sorry to hear about your biological but glad to hear that her toxicity didn't leave you permanently broken.
Dang. I wish I didn't understand this as well as I do. Thank you once again for putting the perfect words to what I think and feel. You are an amazing woman! Thank you!
Kamrin, Little Rock - 10:05 PM
- Courtney said...
Good for you! It takes a lot of strength and courage to remove toxic people from your life, especially when the toxic people hold positions that society says we should value no matter what the person does to us.
- Middle Girl said...
this hits very close to my own home brew.
peace be with you. - 10:39 PM
- Shark-Fu said...
Thank you all so much.
Y'all are a blessing that keeps on giving...I hope you know it. - 11:00 PM
You were one smart girl. I wished I would have taken my early college years more seriously. I simply did not have a great plan for college life and really no one to guide me online the college route. Good mentors are so important to young people.
- Spring, Ph.D. said...
Oh yes. This one I know all too well.
In my mother's case, she has borderline personality disorder. Removing myself was necessary for my kids' and my sanity (I moved cross-country 12 years ago). My kids, now adults, will not interact with her either.
I still get holiday phone calls from her, but I don't let her manipulate me anymore. As you said, that's the key -- not letting myself get sucked back in.
And no, people generally don't understand. There's something about moms and daughters that makes people think they just belong together, and therefore there must be something wrong with me if I choose to stay apart. It's easier to just not bring it up. - 11:08 PM
Pray for your Mom.
It is so obvious she needs therapy. If you ask her why she does certain things, she cannot answer. Your Mom was probably abused herself. I feel for her because she does not have a clue.
Ann- New Orleans - 11:12 PM
I forgot my name @ 11:07 pm
Ann - 11:14 PM
correction...along not online
good grief, I need to go wash the color out of my hair.
Ann - 11:16 PM
Hugs, bb. I'm around if you need to chat.
- lilalia said...
We were all sort of raised on those a Hallmark moments, so it's hard sometimes to realise that a relationship is so broken there is nothing to save. Unless it is to save a bit of dignity and kindness towards one's self.
Damn! I swear you were writng my story, just the locations and type of abuse were changed. To everyone, my dad and sister included my mother was the looooong suffering martyr. Then my sister moved back in with them. After a few years she realized everything I siad about my mom being off kilter and toxic was right on. And my dad too. I got married and moved to MO. We made up for a few years, then she went all bat-shit again. Even more so with my dad and sister, as they all lived together. I however, was 600 miles away and just decided not to deal with ehr bullshit anymore. I love her, but I do not like her and will never put up with her shit and be her whipping girl again. It pains me that my older sister has to deal with all the shit and stress of elderly parent issues by herself, but I would not be able to deal with my mom's shit if I lived up there still. My mother has no one but herself to blame she is alone with no friends. She drove them away. Bless you for taking a stand.
- Unknown said...
Here's the deal…my mother is a toxic person for me. She is manipulative, judgmental and verbally abusive. ~ I know this person..she is my mother as well. Only mine is a drunk and was physically abusive as well as verbally abusive to all five of her spawn. I am the oldest.
Be strong, keep her out of your life and your brothers life. There is nothing this woman adds to the lives of those she bore. Nothing.
Thank you for this raw, emotion-filled rant Shark Fu. I hope it helped you to deal with her and her disgusting self. Now, if I only could write mine off as well. My sista keeps that from happening. She guilts me into seeing her every winter..when the old biddy 'winters' in SoCal. - 8:53 AM
- KBO said...
Love you, Bitch. Keep doin' you.
- LisaMJ said...
I'm so sorry for all of your mama drama and that she has decided to pop up again, especially now right before the holidays (and they wonder why folk get so stressed this time of year). It makes a body ashamed for not being more appreciative of one's sane Mama, who I occasionally have issues with but who has been really good to me, so I have to give her a big thank you hug for being sane. I want to send you, C-Money and Bill a BIG VIRTUAL HUG for not getting the Mama you all really deserved and I hope that her toxicity does not hurt the three of you again.
You are such a strong, smart, funny, progressive excellent black woman and if your Mama can't see that, well, that is her loss.
Merry Christma-hana-kwanzika to you the sorta-Beagles, Bill and C-Money! - 10:26 AM
- Happytwo said...
- Amanda Marcotte said...
I don't know why there's so much pressure for people to continue toxic relationships with parents well past the breaking point. I guess it probably goes back to the 10 commandments or something, but it needs to end. You have my sympathies for all you've gone through, and I just wanted to express support for you doing what you have to do to save your own sanity. Parents should not have a right to guilt children into accepting abuse.
I just really admire the strength it took to survive this. - 12:35 PM
- KC said...
Congrats for getting it down in words and telling the truth.
I had a similar parent, and went through a special kind of hell during college when feminists demanded I "celebrate" my toxic mother.
Argh. Ovaries aren't enough. - 1:14 PM
- jOoLz said...
i've figured one thing out about estrangements from one's parents.. the flak i sometimes get is caused by jealousy and nothing more. jealousy that i had the courage to throw up my hands and say no fucking more (!), and walk away from my father and all his manufactured drama. i know a lot of people who would probably be better off w/o at least one of their parents in their lives, yet they lack the courage to do something about it. sometimes it's better to be an orphan of one's own making than to be shackled to the pain and misery of a parent.
today's blog was an exceptional read shark-fu. i am not seven years into my estrangement and your story tells me that healing and being able to take care of myself better is possible. thank you. - 1:27 PM
I'm going to print out your post and save it, maybe copy it and mail it off to my sister. "It hit home". I'm so sorry you had to have this sort of drama at this time of year, but really, there's never a "good" time of the year for it to happen anyway.
I just deleted what I've been through, you don't need to have to read that on top of the crap you're already dealing with.
I just wanted to thank you though for taking the time to write out what you did, and for you to know that there are so many of us out there who wish we had your same courage and who maybe are a little strengthed now by your post. - 2:32 PM
- Fresh Hell, Texas said...
That reaction that people have when they find out a woman is estranged from her mother is near universal and it's beyond irritating.
My mother and I were estranged from several years (last straw? she disowned me a few weeks before my Marine husband left for Iraq. that woman has to be the center of attention.)
Those years were awesome in terms of mental health. I had not realized how much damn energy I was putting into the whole mess. I found a great therapist who understood that the Hallmark moment was not to be.
I am in limited contact with her now, by choice. But it could have gone (may still go) the way of no contact and that is fine, too. I have my family that I love that consists of relatives and friends and we are enough.
I'm glad you've got your family too.
PS My son is sending in his Brandeis application tomorrow. You are yet another reason I'm happy he is applying! - 2:40 PM
- landismom said...
Delurking to say, thanks for this amazing post & congratulations for weathering the hell that you describe. I haven't spoken to my father in nearly 7 years, and I know exactly what you mean about how the world wants a tear-filled reunion. The reality is, I gave that guy more than one second chance, and he blew them all.
- Shark-Fu said...
Thank you all of you for your encouragement and for sharing!
Y'all are amazing...just amazing.
Fresh Hell, Texas - me and Angela Davis too (wink). Go Judges and good luck to your son. - 3:12 PM
My sympathies and congratulations on dealing with it as well as you have. I didn't have that trouble. We had our conflicts like everyone; I was a late-life child and my mom may have been going through menopause when I hit puberty, which might have caused some moments. But nothing like what I'm seeing here. She was a great mom.
On the other hand, my partner of 28+ years had an abusive father who made his childhood a nightmare. It has an impact on a relationship and it's been some hard work at times. He told me plenty about it, but it took me a long time for it to sink in how bad it had been and was making things.
Some years ago, I came across a book called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward and bought him a copy (probably when 1st ed. came out around 1989) and gave it to him without too much comment. I don't really know if he read it but I think he might have and maybe it helped (something did, if only "mellowing" with age.
The book must have something going for it -- there are a whole bunch of printings/editions in a dozen languages or so and is still in print, the paperback at least. Many hundreds of libraries have it. It gets a 4+ star rating on Amazon.
Not to use your blog to plug a book, sorry if I overstepped. Nothing in it for me, just thought some might want to check it out.
Thanks, shark-fu. - 3:53 PM
- Shark-Fu said...
Thanks for the book tip.
I can also recommend The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. - 4:20 PM
I can now look back and honestly say my folks did the best they could with what they had to work with at the time. They gave me the intelligence and bone-deep stubbornness that has made me the person I am today. They also passed along a lot of less-positive personality traits, but the Bible says I must honor them; it is silent on whether I have to like them or not.
Stay strong within yourself, Little Sister, and remember that "Family" encompasses relatives of choice as well as blood. My closest family member (other than the Dearly Beloved) is my adopted cousin who passed from breast cancer almost 10 years ago. She loved us without judging and is sorely deeply missed.
(big hug of encouragement and switching topics how 'BOUT those Blues?) - 5:03 PM
Toxic ppl can come from all areas of the family; I am dealing with a toxic dgt. that wants in my face, but can't hold her rancid comments for a few minutes at a time. Truth is, you can't make someone like you or even love u. I finally had to tell her 'if u can't find some good in me as a human being, then why are u bothering me?' Sometimes the freedom of finally cutting it lose means more than peace...no matter what society says. Merry Christmas Shark..may u have much fun & many blessings!
- Jaelithe said...
You won't get any dreamy obsession about a Hallmark reunion from me. I've been estranged from my father for a decade. And have no plans to reconcile.
I don't understand why certain people always want to put the onus on the adult children in these situations to forgive and forget and overcome, etc., to "fix" broken relationships with their parents. As if the parent's behavior had not caused the rift in the first place. I got over the guilt when I realized that even though I was the one who broke off contact, my father chose, and continues to choose each day, to be estranged from ME, when he chooses to continue certain behaviors. Not the other way around.
Sane children do not stop talking to their parents unless they have a damn good reason.
Anyway, I think you are handling this situation appropriately and with grace, and I hope it turns out as well as possible. - 8:45 PM
You and I corresponded briefly long ago. I was a fan in the early days and hoped to meet you during a trip to ATL. It didn't happen due to my schedule issues, but I have a special request...
Please make the distancing-oneself-from-toxic-family-even-if-it-is-'gasp'-your-mother a regular holiday topic. Seasonal depression can be tough and feeling left out of the Norman Rockwell picture of Christmas bliss really sucks.
Your post was very honest and life affirming. We estranged daughters are a stoic and often misunderstood tribe. Thank you for the gift of comfort and understanding.
-Robin - 12:57 AM
You are right. You are amazing. Reconciliation is highly overrated.
The Hallmark-tearful-reunion-moment pressure gets dialed up to eleven when estranged mama and her sidekick, estranged oldest sister, both have breast cancer. I keep opening my heart and peeking inside to check whether it would be more poisonous to talk with them or to keep silent, and so far silence is still the healthier choice.
Thank you for posting this. - 9:42 AM
- Miss Kitty said...
Love this post, and your honesty! [raising PBR bottle] Here's to you!
My sister and I broke ties with our dad's family after his death (long-ass story) in 1997, and have seen them once since then, at our grandmother's funeral. They're a lot like your mom, and caused us so much grief, shame, and heartbreak...and life is so much better now that we don't have to deal with their toxic messes.
I'm so glad you found the strength to cut loose from your mom and her drama, Shark-Fu. Robin nailed it when she commented, "Your post was very honest and life affirming. We estranged daughters are a stoic and often misunderstood tribe. Thank you for the gift of comfort and understanding." :-)
(((hugs))) - 12:02 PM
Thanks, Bitch. This one hit home.
Trick Razor - 3:18 AM
- Unknown said...
ddj just read this rant. It never ceases to amaze me to see a piece of my story. For the first time it feels good that I know there are others out there with the some of the same issues and experiences. Think about the young women in the middle of it now and how much they need that one person to say how much someone loves them. Just one person. So folks-see a child tell them they are loved. We never know whats happening in their live and what those words might do for their day. Peace.
- Anne said...
I'm late to comment but your post struck a chord with me, too. It's not my mother but my sister that I am estranged from. I just couldn't carry the toxic load anymore. Like you I made the decision to disenage and moved on without any guilt. I feel so much better, it has been almost 20 years. I forgave her for the over 20 years of emtional abuse I endured. She no longer has any control over my emotions.
- Mermama said...
Thanks. I made the same decision and keep my mother at a healthy distance. I appreciate the validation and applaud you! God Bless, you and the family.
I was online looking at a video of a child taking a typing test one minute ago and ended up seeing a ABB link and here I am the next. Wow to everything I've read so far.
My Mom physically & mentally tortured me daily for the first 18 years of my life. She even beat me for getting good grades. I left her for college we rarely talked since. I had a very successful 30 year career after putting my history of her out of my thoughts. She left me scarred for life but didn't break me like she wanted. I'm 50 years old, she recently died. I had to clean out her house and bury her. I found a box of 300 family photos. I was in two of them. I learned this week that I have Asperger's (and always had since being a 2 year old boy). This was good news. I'm proud of myself for beating the odds without any one's help. My diagnosis came about because for the past 2 years I've been in therapy and finally had the will to tell my shrinks what I've gone through to survive this far.
My only regret is that I didn't know to call the police when I was a child. I told no one anything but several neighbors and teachers knew something was wrong but they did nothing. My mother was popular in the community, a Sunday School teacher. [I believe that you ABB are wise and selfless, not selfish, in what you do. Thanks] - 1:24 AM
- EHR said...
As someone who is going through disengagement right now, this was so good to read. I never actually told my father that I didn't want to be part of his life anymore, I just stopped making any contact or accepting any calls. He still emails me and tries to add me on social networking sites; I delete both. But there are so many people who do not understand, and I do (as someone said above) love him without liking him, and it's hard. So thank you, and everyone else in this thread, for letting me know that it is okay, that I'm not crazy or ungrateful, and that I have made the right decision.
Thank you for telling this story. I admire and appreciate you so much, Shark-Fu. I keep adding stuff and then deleting it, so I'll just say thank you again and leave it at that. ;)
Thank you for telling this story. I admire and appreciate you so much, Shark-Fu. I keep adding stuff and then deleting it, so I'll just say thank you again and leave it at that. ;)
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