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Friday, July 31, 2009
I probably have about two people who still check my blog after such a long absence, but it was much needed time to be still with the Lord and love on and be loved by dear friends and family. The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. I cannot describe the blessing that took place on July 17th at our dinner. It could not have been more God-orchestrated. From the songs that were sung to the words that were spoken and the people who filled the room to listen to God's heart for the orphan, perfect. Thank you to everyone who played a part, helped set up, made center pieces, sewed table cloths, brought me coffee, prayed for me in the bathroom ;), prayed in general, came from near and far, sponsored a table, sponsored a child, I could go on and on. I am still in awe and praising Jesus for my fantastic board who made this possible and ensured that almost all the work was done before I got home, leaving me with nothing to worry about!!!
On a different praising God note, the day after the fund raiser, I began to have sever stomach pain on my right side. I took more ibuprofen than is even normal and the pain continued to get worse. I continued to travel to Chicago to see my family, but as the pain persisted I went to the emergency room. After hours of testing and finding nothing, they sent me back. The next day as a rash emerged from my belly button to my back, my Nana guessed it was shingles and was right. Needless to say the next few days consisted of the most excruciating pain of my life... they just seemed to keep getting bigger and bigger. I am much better now, was so thankful to have one of my best friends travel back to Uganda with me and be able to help me get through the airport, just feeling a bit itchy :)
I am amazed by God's grace. I fully believe and understand that satan hates the work that Amazima Ministries is doing in Uganda. I see it all the time. The closer and closer we get to the center of God's will for our lives, the harder he tried to discourage, lie, destroy. Like I said, Friday night was phenomenal. People heard God's heart spoken, people were brought to tears, I believe people were changed. Not to mentioned that funds were raised that will keep our program running for a little bit longer. Shingles are probably just his way of letting me know he is not happy, but if he thought pain was going to keep me away from my children he was wrong again. But I continue to be in awe of the Lord's hedge of protection around me, no doubt due in part to all o f your prayers. But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever and the purposes of his heart through all generations. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him. I am not sure that shingles could be considered a blessing, but I could never think of a more perfect time for them to occur. A week earlier I would have been unable to help set up for the fundraiser, help with the little last minute details, and I definitely wouldn't have been able to speak. A week later I would have been back in Uganda, without very adequate medical care, and I'm not sure we ever would have figured out what it was. All this said. If shingles is what it takes to remind me of His fantastic plan and the angels He has encamped all around me and my family and this ministry... then bring it on.
Being home is relieving and peaceful and wonderful. How beautiful it was to jump into 40 waiting pairs of arms (yes, all the neighbors were here too...) as they screamed and danced and jumped "Mommy". There truly is no greater job :) From the minute I got here we have been busy. Sick children, Karamajong children with what seems like a hundred jiggers in their feet, birthday parties, meetings, and the list goes on. I am happy and I am full.
Oh, and I am back to my routinely blogging... Thank you so much for your prayers and support!!! Love from Uganda :)
92 comments:
- Sara Beth said...
ahhhh, I have been checking nearly everyday! I found your blog just a few weeks ago and have been truly moved and inspired! I am in awe! I really cannot express it, I know taht in all your work it is God's strength that makes it all come together and happen. Thank you for allowing me to "know" your family and the opportunity to pray for you all in Uganda! Oh and thank you for inspiring me to do what God has called me to do! You are a jewel Katie and I have no doubt that your heavenly Father is so very pleased and gratified as he polishes you and you keep shining for HIM!
- July 31, 2009 at 6:21 AM
- Unknown said...
I sit here with tears of joy in my eyes knowing you are home safe!
I sit here praising Him that your faith has strengthened and your resolve to be in the center of His will is even greater now!
Thanking God for the timing of the shingles and that it is well with your soul!
Thanking God for the blessing waiting for you and praying that the coming days will become a sweet routine once again!
Know that I do care and read every word you share - with joy and hope and love!
You are always on our hearts and we printed out the picture of you and your 13 daughters that Renee posted to pray over!
We are sorry that we couldn't be with you while in the states with Gwen. One day my friend - we will sit at the banquet table together!
Be encouraged and of good cheer!
Love and blessings,
Jill - July 31, 2009 at 6:28 AM
- ~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...
Katie!! I'm so glad you're back. I am sorry you had to endure the pain of shingles, but glad you are well and able to keep it all in perspective. I know all of your babies are happy to have you back in their arms.
- July 31, 2009 at 6:41 AM
Katie...love you!
I still check your blog EVERY DAY...despite your absence! Boo to your shingles- but you're such a trooper and Jesus is SO proud of you (as am I)!
See you SOON in UGANDA!!! I can hardly stand it...
One of your UG mzungu friends- Rachel (& Arielle) - July 31, 2009 at 6:42 AM
- Joyful Living said...
Katie-I looked through the pics of that night on your FB account and it looked incredible! Praise God for all He did that night and continues to do through you. Our family is on a journey heading towards Kitale, Kenya with our small boys next year. I really relate to your testimony to God's provision in, what seems to be, impossible situations. Looking forward to following you in adventures to come!
- July 31, 2009 at 6:46 AM
katie i am so bummed i didn't get to see you while you were here! but know that i have been praying for you--both the events you had here and your journey back to your home. i love you girl and will continue to keep you in my prayers :)
- July 31, 2009 at 6:54 AM
Hey Katie, Greg Mhere, when would be a good time for a telephone call prior to our arrival? Email Brandi and let me know. Looking forward to seeing you
- July 31, 2009 at 7:01 AM
- Kate Rockey Walsh said...
I've never seriously followed any soap opera... but the suspense in waiting for your updates... (or just sharing the life stories of other dear Godly women I know), has GOT TO BE FAR BETTER than any soap!! I doubt that any tv show will ever keep me hooked like any story I can follow about GOD IN ACTION. Lord, use me too!! Come what may Lord, be glorified in me too!
- July 31, 2009 at 7:01 AM
- Christy said...
God bless you and your sweet children and ministry. Praying for you here in Lebanon, TN, and spreading the word of your ministry.
Love the clock feature ... what time it is in Uganda. - July 31, 2009 at 7:29 AM
Whoot! Whoot!
Glad you were blessed while back in the states...Glad our sweet Lord had His angels encamped around you...
thankful for your dear heart as He conforms it to His image...
you are a treasure and have encouraged me today...
little sister,
Sarah - July 31, 2009 at 7:31 AM
- "Are These Kids All Yours?" said...
Yeah, I get to be the first on your blog to say WELCOME BACK!!!!!! Have been praying for a peaceful rest. Sorry to hear about your shingles- painful!!! So GLAD to hear you are back with your kids. I am sure that even though struggles happen....at least you have them to look at and think- Beautiful! Praying for you all!!! Spiritual Battles happen with us as well- when you are following God- satan hates you (YEAH!!!!) That is when you know you have to depend on God, and you have to keep doing what you are doing!!!! Praise God for you and your ministry!!!
- July 31, 2009 at 7:40 AM
So happy to hear you are back home safe and sound. I am new to your ministry and I look forward to supporting your children and praying for your ministry. My daughter and I have been making dolls to send this fall. Have a wonderful weekend.
Laura - July 31, 2009 at 7:40 AM
- Holli said...
I am sure there are still thousands reading!!
Hope you feel better soon and you can get back into the swing of all you do soon! - July 31, 2009 at 7:48 AM
- Addie Talley, Photographer said...
So glad you are back and ok...
- July 31, 2009 at 7:52 AM
I've missed your blogs...
- July 31, 2009 at 8:19 AM
- Tiffany said...
Praise the Lord for your safe return home! I'm so glad you had a good time in the states.
Lots of Love and Prayers,
Tiffany - July 31, 2009 at 8:30 AM
- Grace said...
Hey Katie!
I just wanted to let you know that your story in general has so blessed me, and I was at a girls' conference headed up by Leslie Ludy (an amazing Christian author, orphan advocate, mother, and...my "boss". I nanny for their kids--two of whom are adopted) and she had heard me talk about your story, and asked me to share it with the girls. I got up and shared as much of your story as I could to a crowd of 200+ girls. They were all so blessed and inspired!
This is all to lead to the fact that I would like to write you an email about some things that came of that conference that I think you would be really interested in. But...alas, I don't have any way of emailing you! I know you're very, very busy, but . . . if at all possible could you dot me a quick email at firstname.lastname@example.com?
Blessings on you, Katie. You're an amazing picture of God working through an individual!
Grace - July 31, 2009 at 8:34 AM
- The Ladds said...
Katie, we have definitely not stopped checking your blog. It was great to see your first post back in uganda. we are praying for you and hope that you are feeling well. What a beautiful thing having lovely little girls calling your mommy!
- July 31, 2009 at 8:47 AM
- Small Stones said...
OH KATIE!!!!! I am SO glad to read your words again! I read "oatsvall team's" blog to catch any news of how things were going while you were in the US, and I was blown away by the messages she posted telling how wonderful things went. I am so glad you had a productive time. Also, I am so glad you had a somewhat relaxing time with your family and friends. I am so so so so sorry you have shingles. Those are so painful and I don't think they ever do fully go away. That being said, I will pray that the healing power of the Lord and of God will be with you so the pain will be relieved and you can continue with the work God has called you to do.
We love you, Katie, and are praying for you!!!!
email@example.com - July 31, 2009 at 8:59 AM
Katie, Still reading in Franklin. Hope you are feeling better and glad you are home with your children.
- July 31, 2009 at 9:05 AM
- the Skips said...
thanks for writing. I live in Oregon and I am so blessed to have found your blog. My husband and I are so thankful and inspired by what God is doing in and through you. Your children are beautiful. I am praying for you!
- July 31, 2009 at 9:09 AM
- Kelly said...
So good to hear you made it back. Satan, of course is trying to stand in the way...defeated once again..yeah. I got to see you speak at the Oatsvall's fundraiser and that whole night was such a blessing. Although we don't know each other, I so enjoy your blog and am always inspired. I will soon be your "almost" neighbor as I am moving to Ethiopia...but I'm still praying for Uganda !!!
Kelly Bigham - July 31, 2009 at 9:36 AM
- Unknown said...
Yay Katie! So wonderful to hear from you. And so glad to know that you are feeling much better. Love to you and Kristin Laughlin...and your time together!
www.nattibeth.blogspot.com - July 31, 2009 at 9:48 AM
Katie...I am so excited that you are back online! I have been checking your blogspot regularly and have been patiently waiting for your return! Thanks for your most recent post! Your determination is inspiring and your outlook is refreshing...so positive even in the midst of challenges! May the Lord uphold you with His righteous right hand!
From Lisa in Tucson - July 31, 2009 at 9:49 AM
- drea said...
I am still reading them!!! Love you sister. I am so blessed by hearing the news of what the Lord has done with this ministry, just like it was my own. The body of Christ is SO important we are the church and we rejoice together with you today.
Kiss all those little babies for us. Can't wait for your next post. - July 31, 2009 at 10:07 AM
- amyb777 said...
Well I must be one of the two since I have been checking. ;) Welcome home!
amyb - July 31, 2009 at 10:10 AM
- Cindy said...
Haha...I can't ever imagine just 2 people reading your blog. In fact, I think I hear a collective sigh of relief that just circled the globe--Yay, she finally posted again! I don't drink coffee every day, but I DO check your blog every day :) Thankful you are happy and full...and back to blogging routinely!
- July 31, 2009 at 10:35 AM
- Rachelle said...
I am commenting to let you know that there are more than 'two' people that are reading your blog! I found you through Lesli Cryer's blog. The first day I read your blog I was in tears with a heart for those you are reaching...I now pray for you, your children and ministry every day and I think about you frequently and wonder about your life in Uganda.
Blessings to you and so glad you are back to blogging! - July 31, 2009 at 10:51 AM
- Angela said...
Praying for you! :)
- July 31, 2009 at 11:05 AM
Welcome, home! So thankful that you made it back to Uganda safely, into the arms of your precious children.
We've never met, but I feel like you're a kindred spirit. My mother emailed me several weeks ago and said, "Read this blog, it's about this Brentwood girl who moved to Africa and adopted a bunch of kids." And I thought, forgive me, "Girls from Brentwood don't move to Africa." So I ignored the email for a while, until the whisper of the Lord grew insistent. He kept saying, "I want you to meet Katie..." So I sat down and scrolled through your archives until I reached the very first post. And then I didn't move until I'd read that entire first year. Within about 12 hours, I'd read every entry and most of the comments -- weeping through so many posts, and praising Jesus even more.
I am so inspired by you -- not that you've moved to Africa. Not that you started an incredible ministry. Not that you opened your life and your heart and your home to your 13 remarkable children. Not that you continue to feed and clothe and educate the least of these. Which is not to say that all of that isn't inspiring. But I find you inspiring because you are first and foremost a daughter of our King and Savior and you are committed to that relationship and share it with us with such honestly and tenderness and love. It is irresistible. And it has been such a blessing to me already, in the short hours I've known you. Words cannot express how thankful I am to the Lord for you and for your faithfulness in His call for your life.
All of this to say, I just wanted to welcome you back and let you know that you have one more Tennessean thinking of you, reading this, and praying for you, your children, and the people of Uganda daily.
Rachel - July 31, 2009 at 11:15 AM
- Becky Ryder said...
I love your blog! I love to see how God is using you for His purpose. You and your family are in my prayers!
- July 31, 2009 at 11:19 AM
Glad to hear of your safe return and of your trust in the Lord through good times and bad. May He continue to sustain your heart and your work!
- July 31, 2009 at 11:24 AM
- ria.lenzen said...
I really enjoy reading your blog. I am not sure exactly how I came across it, but I spent a month in Uganda last summer with Global Expeditions and Teen Mania. Incredible! I love reading your stories and being able to stand in the gap with you through prayer. Blessings & I look forward to reading more and hearing how the Lord is showing his faithfulness in your life. Blessings, Ria :) - July 31, 2009 at 11:33 AM
- Christy said...
Yeaaaaa You are back! Love your blog
- July 31, 2009 at 11:34 AM
- ria.lenzen said...
Hi Katie!
Not sure how I came across your blog, but I absolutely love reading about what the Lord is doing in and through you. I spent a month in Uganda last summer with Global Expeditions (Teen Mania Ministries). Not sure if you are farmiliar? It was incredible! Reading your blog reminds me of all the Lord taught me and how he is continuing to answer prayers that were/are being prayed for you and others serving in Africa. May you be blessed continually and I look forward to hearing more about God's faithfulness in your life & your cute darling girls <3
-Ria - July 31, 2009 at 11:36 AM
- The Ferrill's said...
Oh Katie I feel your joy at being home! I will pray for continued relief from shingles...and yes, God's timing is always perfect! You are a Godsend to so many...
- July 31, 2009 at 11:50 AM
- Melissa Irwin said...
if there are only 2, i am 1. but i'm sure there are many. so sorry for the painful shingles, but so thankful you are back with your children and your ministry.
- July 31, 2009 at 11:56 AM
- Laurel said...
Good to hear that you are back with your children. Yippee!
Sorry about the shingles. We, too, are in a huge battle with the enemy. God is moving us into a HUGE step of faith to move with our children and go preach the Gospel. At the same time, we are in a unimaginable CRISIS with one of our adopted children. Every time we move forward in our new life calling ... the enemy throws another wrench into our Crisis. But, we will NOT be deterred. God has called, and we are moving forward.
Laurel :)
another mama of 13 - July 31, 2009 at 12:15 PM
My family still reads!!!! We pray for you and yours every day. Be safe and know that you are loved and prayed for.
- July 31, 2009 at 12:38 PM
- Stephanie @ It Is Well said...
So glad that you are back to your girls and that you are feeling better. I look forward to reading more of you making satan unhappy. Praying for you, your girls, and all you do!
- July 31, 2009 at 12:53 PM
- Lisa McSpadden said...
A friend of mine, who I spent 6 weeks with in Jinja when I was in college, told me about your blog last Sunday. In the past week I've read through your entire blog...from 2007 to the present. :-) I love your writing, your stories, your heart for God and His purposes for you, your children and THEIR hearts for him, your passion to feed and care for the children and I could go on and on. I just wanted to let you know that I am encouraged and inspired by you and am praying for you and all the lives God is using to touch and bless through you. Praying God continues to bless you and your girls and your ministry abundantly!!
Love and blessings,
This is the team I lived with in the summer of 1995, although the team members were different back then.) http://www.jinjamissions.org/ - July 31, 2009 at 12:59 PM
- Sarah said...
Katie--so great to hear from you!! We will continue to pray for your physical healing...... Enjoy your daughters!!!
Sarah In KC - July 31, 2009 at 1:01 PM
So glad you made it back safely! I've been waiting to hear from you. Praise God for the work that you are doing! Those children are truly blessed to have you as their Mommy!
- July 31, 2009 at 1:43 PM
- The Hull's at #4 said...
Praise God for all his goodness. So happy you are back with your beautiful children. - July 31, 2009 at 1:49 PM
- Kristy -Mom To 9 Blessings said...
Don't you worry, I am sure that there are many waiting for their Kaite update. :-)
Welcome back home!
Many blessings,
Kristy - July 31, 2009 at 2:06 PM
- Cheryl said...
I'm happy you made it back home safe and sound. So sorry about the shingles... but, so grateful for your heart!
Next time I am in Uganda I hope I get to meet you. Both times I've been there, you have been here!
Praising God for all He is doing through you. I am in awe of His faithfulness... it puts joy in my heart.
Love you! - July 31, 2009 at 3:05 PM
- Craig and Bethany said...
Oh, I've missed you! So glad all is well.
- July 31, 2009 at 3:09 PM
- Born Again Dreams said...
I am still a faithful viewer of your blog (and your friend's when you were away to keep updated!) God Bless you and keep you my friend-you are an inspiration to us all. Glad you're home safe and sound.
Praying for you always,
-Diane- (21 y/o from CT) - July 31, 2009 at 3:59 PM
I have been thinking of you, praying and regularly checking your blog and looking forward to your next update ever since your last one.
Your journey through life is so inspiring and encouraging to me Katie and I cannot say how thankful and happy I am for you in what God has and is orchestrating in your life!
Ohh..so sorry about your discomfort but I know that God is and will be glorified in all you are doing.
Keep shining for Christ!
Love in Christ,
Grace - July 31, 2009 at 4:22 PM
- S said...
Hi Katie,
Well you can add one more to the list of people who check your blog. I was just led here today and I'm so happy to meet you and am looking forward to getting to know you. You are such a blessing. - July 31, 2009 at 4:40 PM
- Intentional Living Homestead said...
..."God in heaven we thank you so much for caring for Katie during her stay in the US. Thank you for all the incredible miracles you performed through her and those who helped with every fundraiser and all those people behind the scenes to bring glory to your name and awareness to your children who are suffering. We praise your Holy Name.
We ask now that you continue to heal Katie from shingles...minister to her spirit at this time. Bring healing to her body and strength for each new day. We know that you are doing a mighty work and we pray for increased protection from the evil one who hates when we your children do anything in your name. We pray for continued financial support for Amazima ministries and everyone involved.
Please pour out your spirit over all those involved in caring for the orphans and widows of this world. May we all be sensitive to your leading in our lives. Thank you again for Katie and her family and friends....in Jesus name I pray, Amen! - July 31, 2009 at 4:51 PM
- Kari said...
Katie, welcome home!!! I'm SO SORRY you have shingles. My dad got them and I have never seen someone in so much pain. It was awful. Praising God it all happened exactly when and where it was supposed to happen. We'll pray for a speedy recovery. I'm sure there are some amazing wild plants around your home that are helpful to stop the itches. ouch!!
I truly wish I could have made a trip to TN to see and hear you speak and see first hand God's miracles!!! I'm so happy you're blogging again... they are my day's delight when they pop up!!!
Praying!! - July 31, 2009 at 5:30 PM
- The Hattons... said...
I've been checking often to see if you were back! YAY! Patience did me well this time around. I'm sure many will get back to check daily for your postings.
Glad you are well again. Although we've never met, I've missed your encouraging and inspirational words. - July 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM
We are so glad you are back with your girls and feeling better.
Rest assured many, many, people have checked your blog constantly to see that you have arrived in Uganda and are with your daughters!!
We enjoyed reading Renee's blog too.
Prayers your way.
Cousin, Sharon--Williamsport - July 31, 2009 at 5:49 PM
- taniad1992 said...
I was so excited to see that you are back in Uganda...though I'm sure it was such a blessing to see family and friends! My sister Kelly got to meet you in TN and I am $75 away from sponsoring one of your precious children. I would love to adopt one but for now, since we have five of our own, I will have to settle for sponsoring one. You have no idea how your words have impacted me...made me once again so amazed at how God works and how He loves the orphans. Please know my family's love, thoughts and prayers are with you and your little ones!
- July 31, 2009 at 5:59 PM
- Joyce said...
Ok So if I am one of your 2 readers - welcome back to your children and so great to hear you are there again. No you have never met me and it feels weird to post but what you are doing, I find so beautiful and I truly wish I had the courage to do the same. The best I can do is read and follow your work .
God's Blessings
Joyce - July 31, 2009 at 6:38 PM
Katie dear, it was go good to see you here in Williamsport! I have been praying for your shingles to go away.I have missed your blog and have been praying for you and your girls...may God bless you and keep you safe and well!
- July 31, 2009 at 7:31 PM
- He must become greater, but I must become less said...
I am new to your blog. In hopes of feeling less like a stalker I thought I would at least introduce myself. A friend from my town shared your blog with me last week and God has really used it to move in my heart and get me thinking. I just graduated from college and am trying to figure out a direction. The more I hear about what you're doing, the more I want to do what you're doing. I am going to be praying for direction and until I get a clear sense of what that is, I will be "stalking" and praying for you and the ministry God has given you. Keep blessing God.
Heather M. - July 31, 2009 at 7:42 PM
- Erin said...
Hi Katie,
Your posts are so entertaining, and I love reading about your children and all God is doing through you while you're in Uganda! My name is Erin, and I am a college student with mild cerebral palsy. I'm a special education major and have hopes of becoming a disability services director of a university after graduate school. I have just launched a blog that is still getting started, but with the title "Empowering People and Changing Lives," I hope that it will provide a wealth of resources for people who care for children, specifically those who are affected by disability. I will also be chronicling some personal experiences and will be sharing some thoughts about those along the way. I am also extremely interested in international adoption, and I thought you just might be the perfect person to have some information for me! The blog's address is http://empowerpeoplechangelives.blogspot.com. From there, you will be able to read the posts I have written, find out all about me, check out my blogroll, look at many resources I have gathered, and contact me.
Look forward to reading many more of your posts! Happy blogging! - July 31, 2009 at 7:48 PM
- anna said...
Hey sister!
I am so glad to hear that you are better from the shingles and that you made it home safe! Gwen's garage sale went great today! Hugs, Kisses, and Prayers to you all!!
Much love,
anna - July 31, 2009 at 8:16 PM
- Mamato2 said...
Shingles... oh girl bless you a hundred times over! Welcome back to your little ones :)
- July 31, 2009 at 8:38 PM
- emily said...
i know of at least two people who have been checking on a regular basis : ) praying for you often, excited for your heart.
- July 31, 2009 at 8:52 PM
Yeah! You're back!! :). Awesome post...thank you for sharing how amazing God is. My family & I pray for you and yours.
With love though we know each other not, :)
Amy Lusse in CA - July 31, 2009 at 9:04 PM
Our family (deep in the heart of Texas) has been following your work in Uganda for a few months(after getting your link from a friend who recently adopted from Ethiopia), and we are amazed by how the Lord is working through your life to touch so many (there in Uganda as well as in the States and in cyberspace). We have been keeping you, your girls, and your ministry in prayer and will continue to do so. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus (the One who sent you) and Satan will never have a foothold! So glad that the victory belongs to the Lord. Blessings! The Lord is very good indeed, and He will continue to provide and protect as many are reached for His Kingdom. :)
- July 31, 2009 at 9:48 PM
- dani said...
katie, i just recently started reading your blog and i have been checking back daily. God is using you and your life to really remind me how things should be. i take His Grace for granted. thank you for your heart for Him and your sweet spirit. i look forward to following your journey. much love to you and your sweet children.
- July 31, 2009 at 9:57 PM
- dani said...
katie, i just recently started reading your blog and i have been checking back daily. God is using you and your life to really remind me how things should be. i take His Grace for granted. thank you for your heart for Him and your sweet spirit. i look forward to following your journey. much love to you and your sweet children.
- July 31, 2009 at 9:58 PM
You are so inspiring! I have only read a few of your posts but am going to read more. I am currently a graduate student in education and I honestly feel that the Lord is calling me to maybe work with children in a different setting, not sure where He wants me yet, trying to figure that one out!! It is so amazing to see what you are doing!
- July 31, 2009 at 11:07 PM
I have been watching your blog for some time and I wanted to let you know that I pray for you and you inspire me to seek God more deeply and radically than ever before! Keep resting in Him.
- August 1, 2009 at 6:57 AM
Katie, you don't know me, my name is Julie Schenck and have been friends with the Klippenstien's for years. I know it must have been so very hard to be away from your kids for such a long time, but I want to affirm in you that your presence here for a few weeks changed lives here, in Franklin and Brentwood! Sunday the 19th, Kim and Kelly came to church and in the process of lifting you and your ministry up in our prayer time - Kim, led the ENTIRE sunday school discussion. Kim and Kelly (!) could not stop talking about all that they witnessed the night of the 17th. She spoke with the clarity of the Holy Spirit as he led her and our class discussion. It was clear to us all that your message needed to be shared. And how beautiful it was. (Kim say she gets credit for teaching a sunday school lesson! - I guess we will give her that one:) )
I have posted your blog and your website on my facebook page and continue to tell anyone who will listen about you! I am sharing your story with my girls (8 and 12)
and will continue to tell others about it. You have blessed me in knowing that one person that follows the call of God can do something significant. You have challenged my status quo of thinking. THANK YOU! I need it.
I look forward to keeping up with you through your blog and praying for you. I will particularly pray for the safety of you and your girls and that the Holy Spirit will guard you from the enemy and his tricks and the evil attempts to derail you.
I pray that you are recovering quickly from the shingles. I hope you got whatever the medication is that makes it less severe. ( my mom had them a couple of years ago)
Again, thank you for your message and your ministry.
Love - Julie - August 1, 2009 at 7:32 AM
- Michelle said...
I just recently found your blog and have been reading earlier entries. Just wanted you to know that you and your children are in my prayers. I have been telling lots of people about your ministry and the awesome work that God is doing.
- August 1, 2009 at 7:57 AM
- Unknown said...
So glad you are safely home, and thankful for all you have done while here in TN! We were at the dinner on the 17th and I just wanted to tell you how blessed we were to be part of what God is doing. Our hearts were touched, changed, and made ready for His next adventure for our family. God is guiding us, after 4 domestic adoptions, to seek out another. The faces of His precious African children are ever before us as we pray.
- August 1, 2009 at 8:28 AM
- Nancy said...
Still here, sweetheart! Not going anywhere! Except maybe someday...please, God?...to Uganda! :) I need me some babies to love on! :)
Welcome home (to Uganda, AND the blog!)
Hugs...Nancy in CT - August 1, 2009 at 3:04 PM
- Kim said...
Glad you made it back. I'm sure people are still checking the blog...I know I am. I grabbed your button and added to my new blog and Gwen is a new-found sis. We are praying for you Katie. My kids think their little sister is somewhere among you! May we seek His face!
embracingtheleastofthese.blogspot.com - August 1, 2009 at 4:53 PM
- Kim said...
AHHHHH Katie we are still here and have missed hearing from you. Glad you are back home and hopefully healing, i'm sure life is busy and that the children missed you. I'm sure they are showering you with love.
God Bless,
Kim B. - August 1, 2009 at 6:36 PM
glad you are back home! and i can remember the jiggers... hope that they are not on Jane! haha
Love ya!
mallory - August 1, 2009 at 7:50 PM
- Amy said...
Welcome home! I can only imagine what a love fest must have ensued upon your arrival. :) Wish I could have been a fly on the wall to watch all the hugs and kisses. So grateful for God's provision for Amazima at the fundraiser and His watch care over you with the Shingles. How gracious is God?!! I have to say, selfishly I was so excited to see your post today - feels like the world is back to normal now that you are blogging again. :) Love you and your family. Can't wait to see you in under 40 days when we come with HopeChest! Praying for you in the meantime! Amy - August 1, 2009 at 9:13 PM
- FarmingforTruth said...
Katie, I have been following your amazing blog for awhile now and am so proud of you.
I am a pharmacist, and wanted you to be aware that there are prescription meds that can lessen the effects of shingles if you start taking it as soon as you have been afflicted. Once someone has shingles, they are prone to having them again. You might have your parents talk to your stateside doctor and send a filled prescription to you to keep on hand. It will save you hours of pain by acting proactively if you should get shingles again. Many people get them about once a year or so, but others get them much more often.
Blessings to you in Christ~ Liz - August 2, 2009 at 6:54 AM
I have been checking your blog obsessively too! :-) Awesome to hear about the fundraiser, and that you are healed, and even more about your homecoming. As Linn would say, "YIPPEE JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sending big ((((((()))))))s for you and your precious kiddos and praising God for all He's doing through you! - August 2, 2009 at 1:02 PM
Your inspiring faith is insane. You have no idea the impact that you have had on my choices and life. Blessings will pour on you like rain. Your obeidience is phenominal. You are loved and prayed for.
- August 2, 2009 at 1:35 PM
Katie! I heard about your blog from a girl named Grace at a Set Apart Girls Conference by Eric and Leslie Ludy. Having such a heart for orphans, I was instantly drawn to your blog. I love reading everything God is doing in and through you and am greatly expectant to see His will fulfilled in my life. So anyways, keep posting, I am a faithful reader and prayer!
I don't know you, but I love you and your heart for the LORD and your heart for orphans! God be with you and strengthen you, my prayers are with you. - August 2, 2009 at 4:58 PM
- sarah in the woods said...
So glad to hear you are safely back with your family. Continuing to pray for you.
- August 2, 2009 at 7:20 PM
- Anna said...
Hi Katie,
I was sent your blog from a friend as I just got back from Uganda. I understand missing it when you aren't there! Keep on in the knowledge that He who called you is faithful. I'm praying for you and yours.
Mukama acuuwe omukisa,
Anna - August 2, 2009 at 8:30 PM
- Donna said...
I have so enjoyed your blog. My friend who lives near Nashville sent me the link. What an amazing minstry God has given you! I will pray for you and the beautiful children God has entrusted to you! I am so inspired by your desire to do the will of God. It truly encourages me that it is totally possible to follow in obedience! May the Lord continue His work that He has called you to do!
- August 3, 2009 at 8:51 AM
- jaci said...
i have subscribed to your blog, so i don't have to keep looking.. it automatically pops up in my dashboard!!
so glad to see you back :)
praying for you. - August 3, 2009 at 10:25 AM
- Dawn said...
Found your blog a few days ago, and have read it from beginning to end. Amazing. Thank you for sharing your part of God's story. Will be praying and supporting you and telling others to visit this blog.
- August 3, 2009 at 12:37 PM
- Unknown said...
You could not possibly get to read all the comments with the tasks ahead. But know that we will continue to pray for the safety of your family, and the grace, peace, and glory of Jesus to chase you until you come back to the US again.
Til then, Pastor Steve - August 3, 2009 at 7:43 PM
- Amy Jo said...
Welcome Home, Katie. So glad your time in the US was successful and that you are recovering from your attack of shingles. Love that you find the blessing in the midst of the course - so much power in that! God is GOOD - all the time! :-) Praying that He continues to give you every single cent and ounce of energy you need, my Friend!
Sweetest blessings,
Amy in OR - August 3, 2009 at 11:11 PM
- I am the Clay said...
Praise God you are safely back in Uganda! Your children must be thrilled!!!!
Yes, the enemy would love to see this ministry closed,but...
" Don't be afraid or discouraged.. the battle is not your battle, it is God's. Just stand strong in your place and you will see the Lord save you... Don't be afraid or discouraged, because the Lord is with you."
2 Chron. 20:15 & 17
God bless you Katie & those precious children,
<>< - August 5, 2009 at 7:26 AM
- Jewels of My Heart said...
Welcome Home.....
I will be praising Jesus and thanking Him for all that He is doing with this ministry and for how He is watching over you and your girls.
Hope you are all better now.
God's peace and protection. - August 5, 2009 at 9:44 AM
- andrea said...
your back!!!!!!!!!
woo hoo!! i've checked your blog tons:)
so glad you had time to Be Still, I'm sorry to hear about the shingles..:( - August 5, 2009 at 8:23 PM
- TheHappyNeills said...
glad you're back! i subscribed awhile ago, been wondering what you're up to in the states and anxiously awaiting your first post back in uganda! i actually randomly found out what was going on in the meantime, when a friend visited a friend in Tennessee and got to go to your banquet! i couldn't believe she got to meet you! i'm sure you met a ton of new people, but here's the gal i'm speaking of: tawtieandobie.blogspot.com
love your heart, compassion, and obedience. - August 6, 2009 at 12:06 PM
- Unknown said...
91 comments and counting....your work goes so far beyond the children of Uganda. Praising God you continue to answer His call - over and over and over again. The Center of His Will is an amazing place.
- August 7, 2009 at 9:24 PM


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Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Why Do Endurance Sports? Answer - The Wall, The Pit, and The Abyss
Why do you do it? Why beat yourself up with all that ultra and Ironman training, only to beat yourself up even more on race day? Even worse, why do you keep doing it?
It's a hard question to answer, especially to people unfamiliar with our world. How do you give a short response without sounding crazy? If you say "I like to challenge myself", you are clearly a masochist. If you say "it's a spiritual journey that I share with like-minded people", they think you are one step away from joining the Hare Krishnas. And God forbid you reply "I like the belt buckles"...they will call the funny farm and have you in a straight jacket immediatement.
So how best to answer this question without oversimplifying, and still root the response enough in practicality to give them a takeaway? Here's what came to me:
The Wall, The Pit, and The Abyss - What Defines You Lies Just Beyond Each Of These Challenges.
The Wall
Most people have heard about "The Wall". It's that physical challenge most of us hit around mile 20 in a marathon (often exclaimed as "oh, sh*t, I just hit the wall") when your glycogen gets dangerously close to "E" and your body starts messing with you to get you to stop. Cramps, fatigue, twitchiness, fluctuating body temp, and an ego ready to throw in the towel. It's not fun. But in truth, it's a defining part of the marathon experience. When you push yourself through this barrier, moving forward despite everything your body is signaling, you learn to trust your will. You find, on the other side of that wall, that you are far more courageous than you thought. You engage, and build, your character. You finish a stronger person.
In a nutshell, that's really it. What lies beyond the challenge is what defines you. By overcoming your own perceived limits, you face the undeniable truth that you are stronger than you thought, and thus must redefine your self image as a more confident and capable person. It's not always a conscious thought, but it's always there. It's what gets you sign up for the next one.
So why not just do marathons? Isn't The Wall enough? For some, yes. But what happens if you go farther?
The Pit
Beyond The Wall lies "The Pit". This is when your head is so full of reasons to stop, so many excuses piling up that you can barely acknowledge them (let alone answer them), that it feels like quicksand pulling you into a deep pit. I usually find this around mile 38-42 of an ultra, or at mile 3 of the run in a Half Ironman. You try and claw your way out of the pit, but the mounting excuses are relentless. It's all the reasons you aren't good enough, all of your self-doubts, and every parental/ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend/bully-at-recess lashing that you have unwillingly stored in your memory banks. It's self-imposed mental torture. And it seriously sucks ass.
Then suddenly, you get tired of hearing all that bullsh%t and just push on through. What awaits you on the other side is a calm serenity; a flow where you hear nothing but the rhythm of your steps. Hours feel like minutes, and in this peaceful state your world is awash in possibilities. Then you realize the source of all of those excuses - it was you! Ha, ha! It was you all along! Little did you know you could just turn it off like a spigot. Most of us need to push ourselves to this limit to understand that the ability to create a strong, positive outlook lies within. When you feel it, it's almost embarrassing how simple it is access. My God, what a revelation.
It may not be clear to you in that moment, but your self-image just sprouted like a spring flower sipping the first rays of sun. This experience builds confidence unlike anything I have ever witnessed. I see it in the smiles of all ultrarunners, and is one of the reasons I love to be a part of any event, racing, volunteering, or just cheering. It's why I keep coming back - give those flowers more sunshine!
The Abyss
Beyond The Pit, lies the ultimate spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical challenge called "The Abyss". It's when you've taken yourself frightfully close to your limitations, stripped away all of your judgment and ego, and find yourself staring into a black void so incomprehensively large that it forces you to redefine everything. And I mean everything. Time won't just stop, it will become irrelevant, as will most of reality. What is your place in this universe? Who is your God? What defines me? It's why buddhists meditate. It's why shamans fast or take peyote. To go beyond The Abyss is to find enlightenment and truth. It's to understand and embrace your role in the cosmos. Endurance sports can absolutely help you find it.
Mark Twain summed it up well when he said "Man looks in the abyss, there's nothing staring back at him. At that moment, man finds his character. And that is what keeps him out of the abyss." (some will know this from the movie, Wall Street) Friedrich Nietzche also pointed out "When you stare into the abyss, it also stares into you." My own experience with The Abyss combines the two - "the abyss is the great mirror, the reflection of your soul, and my God, it's full of stars." No matter how you slice it, it's a worthy quest when you're ready for it.
When do you encounter The Abyss? Mile 80 of a 100-miler? The last 10k or an Ironman? Maybe never? Yes to all. But to have a chance at finding it, you have to make it to the starting line of a great challenge and be open to the possibility that it's out there. If you do, I guarantee you will finish the day a very different person than when you started, no matter how your day goes.
So there it is - The Wall, The Pit, and The Abyss. I'm finding it's a good way of explaining the passion for endurance sports, while giving people a taste of the rewards at different levels. I would love to hear if any of you also have good ways to explain our drive to do endurance sports. Perhaps something a bit more succinct. ;-)
45 comments:
I'm really glad you're sharing all this in your blog. The spirituality of pushing your limits is not often shared with non-runners or even with fellow teammates. A question for you though; what's your mental trick with overcoming these fears that happen on long runs? I know I may run into them, but I can't rationalize my way out knowing I've felt that way before.
-MikeThe wall - mile 20, not only in a marathon, but in an ultra as well. May be 25 in an ultra.
The pit - always mile 70-75 in a 100. Funny how I now recognize it, expect it, and still fall for it:) just don't quit, but do hate myself and the world around.
The abyss - last 10 miles. I don't think I meet God, or anything, I just know I had done it, I will get trough, and I am so proud of myself. And I also know once I reach and cross that finish line - I will do it again. Because, as you said, the abyss, the understanding what you can make your mind (and ultimately your body) do, that knowledge, that search for information on how far, is what really drives, I think, majority of us.
Can we do it again? Can it be repeated? Was it a fluke, or a real me?
How would you know if you don't do it again?
:)Mike - I look forward to the wall/pit since i know what awaits on the other side. So i guess i get through by thinking about the outcome. It doesn't get easier, but knowing it is temporary makes it much more tolerable. Im sure others will ring in with their tips. It wouldn't be nearly as rewarding if it was easy. :)
Olga! You are the master. So true about that feeling at the end. Did it really happen? Better do another just to check!To anyone who asks us "Why?" I will fire right back with "Why not? There may be a Wall, there may be a Pit, there may even be an ABYSS but there is NO DOWNSIDE!"
To me there simply is no downside to ANY level of achievement where endurance sports are concerned. Then I will quiz THEM about the hour they devoted latest episode of "Lost" (which I know NOTHING about) and ask them "Why?" I have not heard a good answer yet...because there definitely IS a downside to THAT nonsense.
Your post was beautifully written and I will be sharing it with many people.- Anonymous5/25/2010 03:46:00 PM
I love these revelations! Before being injured (Grrrrr....) When I had just hit the tarmac to return home after two hours on the trail, I had the oddly overwhelming and beautiful realisation that my life is perfect, and that life is beautiful. This has been my favourite one so far. Another Good one came 52km into a run, with 4km to go. I think I fell into the pit, because I felt completely fed up. I walked up the last big climb of the day, and looked at my watch - I had 15 minutes to complete the last 4km and have my run finish under eight hours. My body became completely irrelevant. I flew down the trail and I was at peace. I finished just over my target time, but that didn't matter. I run for moments like those, of pure serenity. Correction, I live for them.
ReplyDelete Yes, yes, Scott, beautiful post. I agree 100% with everything you said. It's all about blasting through and living to tell the tale (just to yourself most of the time, over and over).
The other thing I love about ultras is the kindred-spiritedness of the other runners. These events are not usually competitive in a head-to-head sense. We are all brothers and sisters on the trail. I know these people "get" me (despite tremendous differences in age, background, etc) way better than some of my close, non-running friends. No explanations are needed. And that is always a relief. I have had some of the best, most soul-bonding conversations of my life with total strangers running beside me during ultras. The prospect of these connections keeps bringing me back.- Anonymous5/25/2010 06:03:00 PM
Great post! The steps we go through to take running to a high level, sometimes hard to put in words. All in great fun "crazy" some would say!
ReplyDelete - Anonymous5/26/2010 12:26:00 PM
It also mirrors the life journey...in my 20's I hit the wall of society after college fun, in my late 30's I fell into the pit (mid-life crises, aging, etc.), and now in my 40's I anticipate the abyss somewhere in my future (illness, disease, loss of loved ones, etc.). But hopefully I'll make it through the abyss and prove that love of life is stronger than death. Much like in a 100 miler, where overcoming the abyss doesn't mean you feel good, it just means you realize the struggle to finish (the journey itself) is more important than preserving one's full health/sanity...since all is subject to decay, why not prepare for the ultimate decay by practicing in the mountains for a day or two?
ReplyDelete Pam - I am definitely with you on the kindred spirits. Nearly everyone in the sport is so humble, it's easy to have some great conversations. I bet you "get me" better than anyone at work...and we haven't even met!
J.edge - Sorry to see you removed the post! It was great stuff.
Tyler - Good luck on that first ultra!
SDOne of the reasons why I like this post so much is that I am often asked those same questions (why do you??), and you answered it so well. I struggle to answer people because...well, if you don't do it, it is so hard to explain. And when you do explain, you get the hundred mile stare of incomprehension...I do this stuff because I love it. I love tearing myself down to nothing and building myself back up, pushing through a wall and coming through the other side stronger than when I faced it. Anyway, thanks for the awesome post.
ReplyDelete- Athreya5/26/2010 08:53:00 PM
Well said! Though I haven't really experienced the Abyss I'm sure it's something I want to experience at some point...hopefully soon! I get the question quite a bit as here in India running a 10k is a big deal and if you've run 70+ people do look at you like you're mad...I usually let it be... unless you've experienced it, it's hard to understand. :)
ReplyDelete Scott, as a 100 mile runner I've experienced all three. the pit is for me the one I remember the most of all the hard ultraruns; because it is at that point where I always think about my family. I always question the reasons why I am out there in the middle of the dark forest running for nothing other than selfish reasons. In the pit I get to the point where my mind plays tricks on me, it keeps on chattering nonsense telling me to quit then I start missing my family and it is at that point where the mind chatter goes away and I find the strength to keep going. then for the rest of the journey my mind is calm and I know I will cross the finish line. That's why I keep going back, because nothing else provide the opportunity to experience such states of being.
MarcoIn a nutshell you nailed it. I am gearing up to run 24hrs in Oct and people think I am a certified lunatic, but I cannot wait to take my mind to that place that so few people can understand. Some people do drugs to alter their states of awareness, but I have been to the abyss and I want more I tells ya. Cracking blog as always Scott.
ReplyDeleteIve never gone farther than a marathon, and Ive never experienced the pitt or the abyss. Your post made me VERY curious! As Tina Fey would say "I want to go there..." What is the next step after road marathons? A 50k? Or shoot for more? Baby steps, or not? Or trail practice? You kind of have to move off the road to the trails for the ultras, right?
ReplyDeleteThank you for the great comments all. It's very inspiring to hear your own experiences with each of these.
Lindy - if you have done a road marathon and enjoyed it, I would highly recommend a trail 50k as your next step. It will give you a good taste of the fitness, calorie/fluid requirements, and tenacity required for the longer stuff. If you enjoy the unique challenge of the ultra, then target and train for a 50-miler. That's really where you get a chance to tackle (and conquer) the pit. Road ultras are also fun and challenging in their own way, but there's nothing quite like the trail adventure.
SdI volunteered to help at an Ultra on Trails that a friend was running in South Carolina. I am not a runner, have no urge to be one, and I called her crazy. I understood better after the run, and now I get it –at least to the extent that anyone who doesn't do [enter activity] can comprehend. Relating it to the things that I do that I am often told by others "I could never do that", I understand the motivation and devotion –nay, the necessity—of extreme sports to the individual's mind, body and soul. Godspeed and God bless...
ReplyDelete- Anonymous5/28/2010 12:07:00 PM
I think your delineation of the wall, the pit, and the abyss is spot-on, and not just for describing endurance sports, but for any grueling, challenging event, which some people are naturally disposed to seek out. Those who don't, well, they probably won't understand, no matter how beautifully you explain it ;-)
~Shelley I am just starting on my ultra journey (first trail 50k in october, after which I'm hoping for a 50 miler next year) and you have articulated clearly what is pulling me into the ultra world . . . I will keep this post bookmarked and will return to it when, as I'm sure I will, I question what the hell am I doing this for? Thanks!
ReplyDelete- Anonymous5/29/2010 12:09:00 PM
Best yet - keep it up
why do it? For the LLR itself.
Interesting to me is how your revelation applieas to anything taken to your personal limits. The Wall, The Pit, and The Abyss come up anytime we push beyond our self doubts and limits.
Thanks Another great post and just in time. I have a 12 hour event on Saturday and I have been feeling a bit beat up both physically and mentally from some recent road marathons and I was sitting hear thinking why am I doing this to myself?
Your posts help explain the why even to and for me. I love the challenge of working myself through the events with not knowing how things will turn out, thanks for helping me to remember that- Dan Brostek5/31/2010 06:59:00 PM
Scott, Awesome post. When are you going to weave your LRRs into a book?
ReplyDelete Chris - good luck in that 50! It's a true taste of the ultra distances. I bet you are going to love it. Once it's done that is.
Mike - there's nothing quite like a 12-hour, my hat is off to you! Find that rhythm and let it pull you around. Let us know how it went!
Dan - thanks! I think I will need a few more before it's book ready. As long as it doesn't get too Stuart Smally. If I only had a mug and physique like DeanK, I'd have a new career! :)
The traffic to this post continues to be huge...i guess folks are passing it around. Keep sharing your perspective, for the comments are as good as the post at this point!
Sd- Dan Brostek6/01/2010 04:10:00 PM
You only need Stuart Smalley's hair and you would be good to go.
ReplyDelete - Shannon W.6/05/2010 08:31:00 PM
On the subject of The Abyss, someone asked me why I raced Ultras.
Without thinking I laughed and blurted out, "After each race, I am far less afraid of dying!".
Some races are SO hard, death may be easier by comparison. We can find some peace in that, right? Thanks SD. Another great revelation-post in your series, Scott.
Though to me the wall is not so much psychological as physical-- for instance, I need to get something in me or I will pass out, the glycogen completely ran out.
Those who work in my profession sometimes self-deprecatingly refer to the ED as "the pit." I guess I can say I have spiritually gotten out of the pit to find myself physically in the pit, as a patient and not as a provider.- jennifer kasper8/14/2010 05:18:00 PM
Scott i needed to be reminded of exactly why i run. Having it put into words is what i needed to stand at tomorrows starting line! -jen
ReplyDelete - Anonymous9/30/2010 04:25:00 PM
i'm not one of you at this point in my life. maybe never who knows. i found this post from a friend. but when i read it i felt like you had put into words what it's like to carry and birth a child. that's amazing cause in my entire experience of having children -- and i have a lot -- i've never been able to put it into words like you just did. and you are a man. that just proves you were totally inspired. it's a similar piercing of the soul. your writing makes me think that when i'm done having babies i might just look into trail running. no need to stop challenging myself -- perhaps just in different ways at different times in my life. thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete If you've given birth, you are an honorary member of any endurance clan. Welcome! As a man I can only witness your journey, and it's enough for me to know you are AMAZING.
My first reaction after watching the birth of my daughter Sophie was (first) my wife just accomplished the most incredible endurance feat I have ever seen, and (second) this little being just opened a door in my heart that I didn't know was there and showed me it's 1000x bigger than I ever imagined. So much awe, humility, love, respect, and spiritual awakening...I honestly thought I was going to pass out.
And I can't wait for it to happen again!- Russell Edwards4/23/2011 04:17:00 PM
I knew there had to be something like this behind ultrarunning. Very well put. It now clicks as to why the Tarahumara, who I previously only knew of through my interest in psychoactive and medicinal cacti, are also fanatical ultrarunners.
ReplyDelete Howdy!
I'm a newer subscriber to your blog, and I am thoroughly enjoying reading your posts. This one is well-written and explained.
After an abdominal surgery, I fell into race-walking. I'd been struggling with my work schedule and getting back into running, and after surgery I was only able to walk at the park---VERY slowly in the beginning. I then met a couple of people who walked races. I thought that it was odd, crazy and for the older lot (I'm in my 30's). Well, after completing my first half in 2011, I continued and did 6 more, before doing my first full at the beautiful and hilly Tyler Rose Marathon in 2012. I have had the joy of doing a couple of trail races (AWESOMENESS) and a midnight 25K, prior to completing 2 more full marathons in 2013. Yes, I race-walk marathons, and people look at me in bewilderment as to "why?" or "why not run?". I also get the "it's not that much of a challenge if you're walking" remarks. In any event, I tell them 26.2 is still 26.2, I have to put in the miles and training, and I still have to meet the time-limit restrictions/cutoffs as well. I also experience the mental/emotional journey you mentioned in your post. I have grown in ways that I could never have imagined, and being that I'm race-walking the miles, I'm out there longer. It takes a lot of patience and determination. I have a lot of time to reflect, dig and think deeply and to question. I also get to appreciate the environment around me more, and I feel very connected in with having a small glimpse into the world of ultramarathoners, where patience and endurance reign supreme.
We have had a wintry "storm" here in Texas this past week, leaving the Dallas Marathon to be canceled for the first time ever. I've been planning my race schedule for 2014, and look forward to the day of tackling an 50K. I know that at that distance and beyond, I will have to transition to a walk-jog combo in order to meet the time restrictions, even if there is a longer distance event like a 50 miler going on in conjunction with it. Either way, I am just happy to be able to put one foot in front of the other, and to be able to share in the camaraderie of the experiences of road/trail sports with you all.
Best regards.
I LIVE for comments! Please add your thoughts, let me know you stopped by, etc., and be thoughtful of others. Always best if you sign your name, of course.


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ip6(4) [osx man page]
IP6(4) BSD Kernel Interfaces Manual IP6(4) NAME
ip6 -- Internet Protocol version 6 (IPv6) network layer SYNOPSIS
#include <sys/socket.h> #include <netinet/in.h> int socket(AF_INET6, SOCK_RAW, proto); DESCRIPTION
The IPv6 network layer is used by the IPv6 protocol family for transporting data. IPv6 packets contain an IPv6 header that is not provided as part of the payload contents when passed to an application. IPv6 header options affect the behavior of this protocol and may be used by high-level protocols (such as the tcp(4) and udp(4) protocols) as well as directly by ``raw sockets'', which process IPv6 messages at a lower-level and may be useful for developing new protocols and special-purpose applications. Header All IPv6 packets begin with an IPv6 header. When data received by the kernel are passed to the application, this header is not included in buffer, even when raw sockets are being used. Likewise, when data are sent to the kernel for transmit from the application, the buffer is not examined for an IPv6 header: the kernel always constructs the header. To directly access IPv6 headers from received packets and specify them as part of the buffer passed to the kernel, link-level access (bpf(4), for example) must instead be utilized. The header has the following definition: struct ip6_hdr { union { struct ip6_hdrctl { u_int32_t ip6_un1_flow; /* 20 bits of flow ID */ u_int16_t ip6_un1_plen; /* payload length */ u_int8_t ip6_un1_nxt; /* next header */ u_int8_t ip6_un1_hlim; /* hop limit */ } ip6_un1; u_int8_t ip6_un2_vfc; /* version and class */ } ip6_ctlun; struct in6_addr ip6_src; /* source address */ struct in6_addr ip6_dst; /* destination address */ } __packed; #define ip6_vfc ip6_ctlun.ip6_un2_vfc #define ip6_flow ip6_ctlun.ip6_un1.ip6_un1_flow #define ip6_plen ip6_ctlun.ip6_un1.ip6_un1_plen #define ip6_nxt ip6_ctlun.ip6_un1.ip6_un1_nxt #define ip6_hlim ip6_ctlun.ip6_un1.ip6_un1_hlim #define ip6_hops ip6_ctlun.ip6_un1.ip6_un1_hlim All fields are in network-byte order. Any options specified (see Options below) must also be specified in network-byte order. ip6_flow specifies the flow ID. ip6_plen specifies the payload length. ip6_nxt specifies the type of the next header. ip6_hlim specifies the hop limit. The top 4 bits of ip6_vfc specify the class and the bottom 4 bits specify the version. ip6_src and ip6_dst specify the source and destination addresses. The IPv6 header may be followed by any number of extension headers that start with the following generic definition: struct ip6_ext { u_int8_t ip6e_nxt; u_int8_t ip6e_len; } __packed; Options IPv6 allows header options on packets to manipulate the behavior of the protocol. These options and other control requests are accessed with the getsockopt(2) and setsockopt(2) system calls at level IPPROTO_IPV6 and by using ancillary data in recvmsg(2) and sendmsg(2). They can be used to access most of the fields in the IPv6 header and extension headers. The following socket options are supported: IPV6_UNICAST_HOPS int * Get or set the default hop limit header field for outgoing unicast datagrams sent on this socket. A value of -1 resets to the default value. IPV6_MULTICAST_IF u_int * Get or set the interface from which multicast packets will be sent. For hosts with multiple interfaces, each multicast transmission is sent from the primary network interface. The interface is specified as its index as provided by if_nametoindex(3). A value of zero specifies the default interface. IPV6_MULTICAST_HOPS int * Get or set the default hop limit header field for outgoing multicast datagrams sent on this socket. This option controls the scope of multicast datagram transmissions. Datagrams with a hop limit of 1 are not forwarded beyond the local network. Multicast datagrams with a hop limit of zero will not be transmitted on any network but may be delivered locally if the sending host belongs to the destination group and if multicast loop- back (see below) has not been disabled on the sending socket. Multicast datagrams with a hop limit greater than 1 may be forwarded to the other networks if a multicast router (such as mrouted(8)) is attached to the local network. IPV6_MULTICAST_LOOP u_int * Get or set the status of whether multicast datagrams will be looped back for local delivery when a multicast datagram is sent to a group to which the sending host belongs. This option improves performance for applications that may have no more than one instance on a single host (such as a router daemon) by eliminating the overhead of receiving their own transmissions. It should generally not be used by applications for which there may be more than one instance on a single host (such as a conferencing program) or for which the sender does not belong to the desti- nation group (such as a time-querying program). A multicast datagram sent with an initial hop limit greater than 1 may be delivered to the sending host on a different interface from that on which it was sent if the host belongs to the destination group on that other interface. The multicast loopback control option has no effect on such delivery. IPV6_JOIN_GROUP struct ipv6_mreq * Join a multicast group. A host must become a member of a multicast group before it can receive datagrams sent to the group. struct ipv6_mreq { struct in6_addr ipv6mr_multiaddr; unsigned int ipv6mr_interface; }; ipv6mr_interface may be set to zeroes to choose the default multicast interface or to the index of a particular multicast-capable interface if the host is multihomed. Membership is associated with a single interface; programs running on multihomed hosts may need to join the same group on more than one interface. If the multicast address is unspecified (i.e., all zeroes), messages from all multicast addresses will be accepted by this group. Note that setting to this value requires superuser privileges. IPV6_LEAVE_GROUP struct ipv6_mreq * Drop membership from the associated multicast group. Memberships are automatically dropped when the socket is closed or when the process exits. IPV6_PORTRANGE int * Get or set the allocation policy of ephemeral ports for when the kernel automatically binds a local address to this socket. The fol- lowing values are available: IPV6_PORTRANGE_DEFAULT Use the regular range of non-reserved ports (varies, see sysctl(8)). IPV6_PORTRANGE_HIGH Use a high range (varies, see sysctl(8)). IPV6_PORTRANGE_LOW Use a low, reserved range (600-1023). IPV6_PKTINFO int * Get or set whether additional information about subsequent packets will be provided as ancillary data along with the payload in sub- sequent recvmsg(2) calls. The information is stored in the following structure in the ancillary data returned: struct in6_pktinfo { struct in6_addr ipi6_addr; /* src/dst IPv6 address */ unsigned int ipi6_ifindex; /* send/recv if index */ }; IPV6_HOPLIMIT int * Get or set whether the hop limit header field from subsequent packets will be provided as ancillary data along with the payload in subsequent recvmsg(2) calls. The value is stored as an int in the ancillary data returned. IPV6_HOPOPTS int * Get or set whether the hop-by-hop options from subsequent packets will be provided as ancillary data along with the payload in subse- quent recvmsg(2) calls. The option is stored in the following structure in the ancillary data returned: struct ip6_hbh { u_int8_t ip6h_nxt; /* next header */ u_int8_t ip6h_len; /* length in units of 8 octets */ /* followed by options */ } __packed; The inet6_option_space() routine and family of routines may be used to manipulate this data. This option requires superuser privileges. IPV6_DSTOPTS int * Get or set whether the destination options from subsequent packets will be provided as ancillary data along with the payload in sub- sequent recvmsg(2) calls. The option is stored in the following structure in the ancillary data returned: struct ip6_dest { u_int8_t ip6d_nxt; /* next header */ u_int8_t ip6d_len; /* length in units of 8 octets */ /* followed by options */ } __packed; The inet6_option_space() routine and family of routines may be used to manipulate this data. This option requires superuser privileges. IPV6_RTHDR int * Get or set whether the routing header from subsequent packets will be provided as ancillary data along with the payload in subsequent recvmsg(2) calls. The header is stored in the following structure in the ancillary data returned: struct ip6_rthdr { u_int8_t ip6r_nxt; /* next header */ u_int8_t ip6r_len; /* length in units of 8 octets */ u_int8_t ip6r_type; /* routing type */ u_int8_t ip6r_segleft; /* segments left */ /* followed by routing-type-specific data */ } __packed; The inet6_option_space() routine and family of routines may be used to manipulate this data. This option requires superuser privileges. IPV6_PKTOPTIONS struct cmsghdr * Get or set all header options and extension headers at one time on the last packet sent or received on the socket. All options must fit within the size of an mbuf (see mbuf(9)). Options are specified as a series of cmsghdr structures followed by corresponding val- ues. cmsg_level is set to IPPROTO_IPV6, cmsg_type to one of the other values in this list, and trailing data to the option value. When setting options, if the length optlen to setsockopt(2) is zero, all header options will be reset to their default values. Oth- erwise, the length should specify the size the series of control messages consumes. Instead of using sendmsg(2) to specify option values, the ancillary data used in these calls that correspond to the desired header options may be directly specified as the control message in the series of control messages provided as the argument to setsockopt(2). IPV6_CHECKSUM int * Get or set the byte offset into a packet where the 16-bit checksum is located. When set, this byte offset is where incoming packets will be expected to have checksums of their data stored and where outgoing packets will have checksums of their data computed and stored by the kernel. A value of -1 specifies that no checksums will be checked on incoming packets and that no checksums will be computed or stored on outgoing packets. The offset of the checksum for ICMPv6 sockets cannot be relocated or turned off. IPV6_V6ONLY int * Get or set whether only IPv6 connections can be made to this socket. For wildcard sockets, this can restrict connections to IPv6 only. IPV6_USE_MIN_MTU int * Get or set whether the minimal IPv6 maximum transmission unit (MTU) size will be used to avoid fragmentation from occurring for sub- sequent outgoing datagrams. IPV6_AUTH_LEVEL int * Get or set the ipsec(4) authentication level. IPV6_ESP_TRANS_LEVEL int * Get or set the ESP transport level. IPV6_ESP_NETWORK_LEVEL int * Get or set the ESP encapsulation level. IPV6_IPCOMP_LEVEL int * Get or set the ipcomp(4) level. The IPV6_PKTINFO, IPV6_HOPLIMIT, IPV6_HOPOPTS, IPV6_DSTOPTS, and IPV6_RTHDR options will return ancillary data along with payload contents in subsequent recvmsg(2) calls with cmsg_level set to IPPROTO_IPV6 and cmsg_type set to respective option name value (e.g., IPV6_HOPTLIMIT). These options may also be used directly as ancillary cmsg_type values in sendmsg(2) to set options on the packet being transmitted by the call. The cmsg_level value must be IPPROTO_IPV6. For these options, the ancillary data object value format is the same as the value returned as explained for each when received with recvmsg(2). Note that using sendmsg(2) to specify options on particular packets works only on UDP and raw sockets. To manipulate header options for packets on TCP sockets, only the socket options may be used. In some cases, there are multiple APIs defined for manipulating an IPv6 header field. A good example is the outgoing interface for multicast datagrams, which can be set by the IPV6_MULTICAST_IF socket option, through the IPV6_PKTINFO option, and through the sin6_scope_id field of the socket address passed to the sendto(2) system call. Resolving these conflicts is implementation dependent. This implementation determines the value in the following way: options specified by using ancillary data (i.e., sendmsg(2)) are considered first, options specified by using IPV6_PKTOPTIONS to set ``sticky'' options are con- sidered second, options specified by using the individual, basic, and direct socket options (e.g., IPV6_UNICAST_HOPS) are considered third, and options specified in the socket address supplied to sendto(2) are the last choice. Multicasting IPv6 multicasting is supported only on AF_INET6 sockets of type SOCK_DGRAM and SOCK_RAW, and only on networks where the interface driver sup- ports multicasting. Socket options (see above) that manipulate membership of multicast groups and other multicast options include IPV6_MULTICAST_IF, IPV6_MULTICAST_HOPS, IPV6_MULTICAST_LOOP, IPV6_LEAVE_GROUP, and IPV6_JOIN_GROUP. Raw Sockets Raw IPv6 sockets are connectionless and are normally used with the sendto(2) and recvfrom(2) calls, although the connect(2) call may be used to fix the destination address for future outgoing packets so that send(2) may instead be used and the bind(2) call may be used to fix the source address for future outgoing packets instead of having the kernel choose a source address. By using connect(2) or bind(2), raw socket input is constrained to only packets with their source address matching the socket destination address if connect(2) was used and to packets with their destination address matching the socket source address if bind(2) was used. If the proto argument to socket(2) is zero, the default protocol (IPPROTO_RAW) is used for outgoing packets. For incoming packets, protocols recognized by kernel are not passed to the application socket (e.g., tcp(4) and udp(4)) except for some ICMPv6 messages. The ICMPv6 messages not passed to raw sockets include echo, timestamp, and address mask requests. If proto is non-zero, only packets with this protocol will be passed to the socket. IPv6 fragments are also not passed to application sockets until they have been reassembled. If reception of all packets is desired, link- level access (such as bpf(4)) must be used instead. Outgoing packets automatically have an IPv6 header prepended to them (based on the destination address and the protocol number the socket was created with). Incoming packets are received by an application without the IPv6 header or any extension headers. Outgoing packets will be fragmented automatically by the kernel if they are too large. Incoming packets will be reassembled before being sent to the raw socket, so packet fragments or fragment headers will never be seen on a raw socket. EXAMPLES
The following determines the hop limit on the next packet received: struct iovec iov[2]; u_char buf[BUFSIZ]; struct cmsghdr *cm; struct msghdr m; int found, optval; u_char data[2048]; /* Create socket. */ (void)memset(&m, 0, sizeof(m)); (void)memset(&iov, 0, sizeof(iov)); iov[0].iov_base = data; /* buffer for packet payload */ iov[0].iov_len = sizeof(data); /* expected packet length */ m.msg_name = &from; /* sockaddr_in6 of peer */ m.msg_namelen = sizeof(from); m.msg_iov = iov; m.msg_iovlen = 1; m.msg_control = (caddr_t)buf; /* buffer for control messages */ m.msg_controllen = sizeof(buf); /* * Enable the hop limit value from received packets to be * returned along with the payload. */ optval = 1; if (setsockopt(s, IPPROTO_IPV6, IPV6_HOPLIMIT, &optval, sizeof(optval)) == -1) err(1, "setsockopt"); found = 0; while (!found) { if (recvmsg(s, &m, 0) == -1) err(1, "recvmsg"); for (cm = CMSG_FIRSTHDR(&m); cm != NULL; cm = CMSG_NXTHDR(&m, cm)) { if (cm->cmsg_level == IPPROTO_IPV6 && cm->cmsg_type == IPV6_HOPLIMIT && cm->cmsg_len == CMSG_LEN(sizeof(int))) { found = 1; (void)printf("hop limit: %d ", *(int *)CMSG_DATA(cm)); break; } } } DIAGNOSTICS
A socket operation may fail with one of the following errors returned: [EISCONN] when trying to establish a connection on a socket which already has one or when trying to send a datagram with the destina- tion address specified and the socket is already connected. [ENOTCONN] when trying to send a datagram, but no destination address is specified, and the socket hasn't been connected. [ENOBUFS] when the system runs out of memory for an internal data structure. [EADDRNOTAVAIL] when an attempt is made to create a socket with a network address for which no network interface exists. [EACCES] when an attempt is made to create a raw IPv6 socket by a non-privileged process. The following errors specific to IPv6 may occur when setting or getting header options: [EINVAL] An unknown socket option name was given. [EINVAL] An ancillary data object was improperly formed. SEE ALSO
getsockopt(2), recv(2), send(2), setsockopt(2), socket(2), if_nametoindex(3), bpf(4), icmp6(4), inet6(4), netintro(4), tcp(4), udp(4) W. Stevens and M. Thomas, Advanced Sockets API for IPv6, RFC 2292, February 1998. S. Deering and R. Hinden, Internet Protocol, Version 6 (IPv6) Specification, RFC 2460, December 1998. R. Gilligan, S. Thomson, J. Bound, and W. Stevens, Basic Socket Interface Extensions for IPv6, RFC 2553, March 1999. W. Stevens, B. Fenner, and A. Rudoff, UNIX Network Programming, third edition. STANDARDS
Most of the socket options are defined in RFC 2292 or RFC 2553. The IPV6_V6ONLY socket option is defined in RFC 3542. The IPV6_PORTRANGE socket option and the conflict resolution rule are not defined in the RFCs and should be considered implementation dependent. BSD
December 29, 2004 BSD


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We are all familiar with the phrase "cash is king." Why is it, though, that cash is crowned king and not real estate, bonds or LeBron James? It all boils down to the fact that everyone can agree to the value of a dollar bill without dispute — $1 is worth $1. Someone cannot reasonably argue that a dollar bill is really worth $1.10 or 90 cents. As a result, investors typically prefer to receive cash when selling an ownership interest in a business. It is not uncommon, however, for an acquirer to pay part of the purchase price of an acquisition with its own stock. In the case of a privately held acquirer, the value of its stock is somewhat subjective and there can be reasonable arguments for what one person perceives as being valued at $1 per share being worth 70 cents or $1.40. You get the idea. As a result, it is imperative that both the acquirer and the target in a transaction have support for, and a level of comfort with, the value assigned to the acquirer's shares if they are issued as part of the deal. There is risk on both sides of a transaction when a privately held company is issuing shares as a component of deal consideration. The buyer has an incentive to overvalue its stock and issue fewer shares to the seller, which results in the seller not receiving sufficient compensation for its company. The seller, on the other hand, has an incentive to undervalue the acquirer's stock in an effort to receive more shares and greater ownership percentage, which results in the buyer overpaying. As you can see, there are competing interests that can heighten the incentives for, and the likelihood of, overpayment or underpayment. Another factor that must be considered is that shares in a privately held company are typically subject to a meaningful lack of marketability discount, which may be greater than 30% of the acquiring company's undiscounted value. This discount takes into account the fact that a minority owner in a privately held company cannot readily turn his or her ownership interest into cash (unlike an investment in a publicly traded company). If this discount is not considered when assigning value to the acquirer's shares, it can result in the seller receiving less value than he or she would have had all of the proceeds been paid in cash. The impact of discounts for lack of marketability can extend to shares of publicly traded companies issued in connection with acquisitions as well. We have seen instances in which the sellers in a transaction received restricted stock of the publicly traded acquirer. The restrictions did not permit the sale of the shares for periods ranging from a few months to a few years, which makes the shares less valuable than they would be if they were freely tradable from day one. Imagine receiving shares of a publicly traded company worth $5 million on the date of issuance and watching them decline to $1 million prior to the restricted sale period elapsing. As a result, it is appropriate to consider a discount for lack of marketability for restricted shares in publicly traded companies, as well, to capture the risk associated with potential changes in the price of the acquiring company's shares before the restricted sale period has ended. While acquirers go to great lengths to reduce their risks when purchasing a company, it is still very much a "buyer beware" world — hence the amount of time spent on due diligence before a transaction closes. When shares of the acquiring company are being issued as a portion of the deal consideration in an acquisition, however, the seller also must beware. In these cases, it is essential that both the buyer and seller accurately value the acquirer's shares, or one party may be left with something worth far less than what it thought it bargained for.
Guest Blogger
When a purchase involves both cash and stock, buyer and seller beware


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Joy, And Pain
I wrote a post last week that I now regret writing. Sort of. I suppose that it's more accurate to say that I now have reservations about having written it: regret is the wrong word, seeing as the writing of it (and the responses to it) proved immeasurably valuable to me. Writing about how painful and difficult breastfeeding has been in the first weeks of my baby's life was a necessary rant, a venting of my frustration with the seemingly infinite degrees of pain involved and with the near-total lack of resources for dealing with that pain, and the responses I received were invaluable in helping me overcome some of that frustration (advice on changing holds and being diligent about nipple creams was especially life-saving. I'm now at the stage where nursing feels less like having my bare nipples dragged over rough pavement and more like having them lightly sanded. Still painful, but tolerable.)
But when I wrote about that frustration - and the pain causing that frustration - the last thing that I wanted to do was discourage anyone from nursing their own babies. So when I read this comment - "Wow... I'm only 9 weeks preggers and a friend asked the other day if I'm planning to breastfeed... my answer was that I was planning to try... but holy shit - I think I'm now terrified by all the comments and your post itself..." - my heart broke a little bit. I don't want to cause anyone to not breastfeed. Not just because breast is best blah blah blah, but because - once you get past the pain - and you do get past the pain, you really do - nursing provides some of that post-partum bliss that everyone promised but that in reality seems in such short supply.
I haven't persevered with breastfeeding because it's the healthiest option for my baby - that's a bonus, of course, but having been a bottle-fed baby myself I know that formula-fed babies turn out just fine. Nor do I persevere because of some vague hope that breastmilk will magically confer extra IQ points or artistic genius or a scholarship to Harvard upon my child - I'd sacrifice one or two of my kid's IQ points and risk condemning him to community college or trade school in order to avoid having my nipples torn off, no question. I'm selfish like that. So, no, I haven't stuck with the nursing through all of the pain and frustration just because the medical establishment and La Leche League tell me that it's what good mothers do. I've tried being a conventionally good mother, and have found that it's much easier and nonetheless effective to just be a loving and devoted slacker mom, which is to say, I have no opposition in principle to formula and bottles.
I persevere in nursing, simply, because there is no sweeter joy than looking down upon my baby's tiny, perfect head as he bends over the nipple and nestles there, his wee arm curling 'round the outer curve of my breast, grazing my skin with his impossibly tiny, impossibly soft fingers. Even as the pain pierces my chest and my tears splash upon his brow, the joy is there, the love is there, keeping my hand pressed upon his back and under his cheek, pulling him to me, ever closer, his gurgles and sighs and the sweet smell of his skin a balm for the pain. The knowledge that I can do this for him, that I can nourish him, that I can comfort him, that I can be all the warmth and comfort of the womb and then some, is balm for the pain and sunlight against any encroaching dark. This is why I nurse.
I know that it will get easier. I know that we will reach a point, he and I, when the force of his suckle will be met by the toughened strength of my breast and we will nourish each other in comfort. And I know that when it ends, inevitably, I will look past the weeks of past and frustration and fix my heart upon the sweetness and joy and mourn the passing of this precious, precious time.
This is why I nurse. This is why I hope that every mother makes the effort to nurse, that every mother has the chance to hold her baby to her breast at least once and know how sweet that effort.
But it would be a lie to say that that effort is anything other than what it is - an effort, one that is often painful beyond imagining.* I wish that I'd understood that before I undertook that effort the first time. This time, I know, and that knowledge is carrying me through the pain. It's nonetheless painful, but it is a lot less emotionally draining this time around (the emotional drain comes from withstanding the boob pain while also struggling through the pain of shredded nethers and trying to wrangle a manic toddler on little food and even less sleep. That, nothing prepares you for.)
Painful beyond imagining, but oh so rewarding. That's not just breastfeeding; that's motherhood. It's so worth the effort. It really is.
*Often, not always. As a number of commenters have reminded me, it's not tough for everybody - some women cruise through breastfeeding with ease (the same is true of pregnancy, labor and childbirth - not everybody gets morning sickness, not everybody labors for hours and hours - or, as in my case, weeks - and not everybody delivers under extraordinary circumstances and sustains physical damage like I did). No two experiences of any aspect of motherhood are the same. Embrace your own, and do what you need to do to make the best of it, whatever it looks like. xo
Labels: bad mother, boobs, post-partum bad