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In which a Web developer and graphic designer do their best to achieve world peace.
As long as there have been visual programs, programmers and designers have butted heads. The differences between the two sides of program development seem to often be at odds, even though we all know both team members are important to creating effective applications. Designers fume at seeing their designs implemented different from how they were originally laid out. Programmers gripe that designers nitpick over silly design issues.
Many conflicts are based on a lack of understanding of the other party, and we felt that this was the case with the designer/programmer schism. In the name of peace between the right- and left-brained, we (a programmer and a designer) present this list of lessons.
We're trying to do a good job. We're not trying to be difficult. Designers have a reputation among some developers of being high-maintenance. You think we prefer form to function, which isn't true at all. Designers are trying to come up with the form that best suits the function so that the function can be used to its utmost.
More and more designers are being tasked with being user-experience (UX) designers rather than graphic designers. It's important for a designer to understand what we are asking the user to do before we design for that need. Sometimes we try to add some nice graphics surrounding that experience, but only because we want the user's experience to be a pleasant one.
When we write code, the project's completion is only part of what's on our minds. Apps change over time, and we work to make sure that those changes are easy to make. We need the code to be easily tested in our automated test framework. When we ask for changes in the work products we get from you, whether it's HTML formatting, file naming, or directory structuring, it's all with the goal of keeping things testable and flexible for the future.
Don't worry, we're not asking for these conventions in the name of endless flexibility. Building-in flexibility can be expensive, and we have a term for overbuilding for the future: "YAGNI," which stands for "You Ain't Gonna Need It." We try to avoid this.
Form doesn't have to follow function. The form can also inform the function. You can design something to get a desired result that a programmer can make happen. If we want the user to click on a certain button or to perform a certain action, the graphics and layout can help a user know, or properly guess, how to get his desired result.
Much of our experience informs our decision to design something a certain way and that is especially true for online applications. When designing even the simplest things, such as buttons, form fields or photo selection, we use informed decision methods while making a choice. Placement, color, and visual cues tell a designer how someone will interact, but creating the environment for this interaction is where we get to "play."
A good example of this is in the navigation of some of the premier brands in the world. This screenshot of Porsche's tiered navigation show that a clean and well-structured design can make the function for a user very pleasant.
When we're constructing an application we have many different components to keep track of. In addition to your pages and graphics, we have source code files, database tables and columns, and many other components to manage. Consistent naming is the first step in keeping everything straight.
When a designer is dragging and dropping graphics in a file system GUI, it may not make a difference if the file is called submitButton.gif or submit-button.gif, but it makes a difference to us programmers. We have naming standards for pretty much everything from database fields to filenames to CSS classes. These may be spelled out in departmental coding standards or they just may be unwritten rules we follow, but having consistent names makes things easier to find.
We aim to make names descriptive and predictable. Naming similar objects distinctly is an important part of naming. The names submit1.gif and submit2.gif don't explain the difference between those two image files, but submit-green.gif and submit-red.gif do.
We can learn the rules, just help us understand them. The rules are what we can or cannot do. Developers sometimes talk to us in a language we don't understand, just as designers sometimes speak to developers in a language they don't understand. Once a designer and developer find understanding, the person that benefits the most is the user. Everybody wins (and we have more fun at the launch party).
To use the example of file naming above, just tell us upfront what the standards are so we can follow them. I guarantee you that if we know right away that we need to group images in a certain way or to name files with only lowercase letters we will happily do that as we work. Designers aren't confrontational by nature. Much of the time we are very much like programmers: we like to do what we do without someone telling us how to do it.
We designers have been trained not to follow the rules but to "think outside the box," and that doesn't necessarily mean it has to make the developer's life difficult. Once a designer understands the rules, she can push the envelope and get outside of the rules without making the functionality more difficult. Graphics can augment the functionality if done correctly.
Once we are aware of limitations of a platform or framework, such as WordPress, we can create a design knowing the places where it makes sense to push the envelope (background graphics, patterns and colors) and the places we shouldn't (navigation, embedded rare fonts and graphical navigation). Finding a unique or clever way to solve design problems gives designers the satisfaction of a job well done.
Creating beautiful Web pages on your desktop is only the start. It has to look good when pushed to a Web server.
Distinctions between upper- and lower-case filenames may not matter on your Windows desktop, but when published on a Linux Web server, greenbutton.gif and GreenButton.gif are not the same, and the user, or at least the programmer and tester, will get 404s. I prefer to use all lower-case filenames when possible and I make distinctions between words with hyphens.
Validate all your links to assets and documents to make sure that what works on your desktop works when deployed. Whenever I get a Web page with broken images, or CSS file that doesn't load, chances are there's an incorrect link to the designer's hard drive that looks like this:

Remember also that a huge file's load time may not be noticeable when you look at the image in a browser loading from your desktop, but if that beautiful, full-color vista you use as a banner is a megabyte in size your page is going to load slowly when it has to be pulled across the wire. There are many browser plug-ins that calculate page weight, please use them.
Designers understand that graphics are the support mechanism, not the most important element in the application. Graphics should only be used when needed and not to dress things up unnecessarily. If your information needs to be dressed up it's probably not compelling in the first place, so why bother?
First of all, that isn't always true. Yes, some designers feel, at least occasionally, that what they do is the most important thing and everything else is secondary to their "art." These people are more "artists" than "designers." Designers create for users or viewers, not for themselves. When a designer works with a programmer or programmers, she wants to be part of a team that is creating for the end-user, to perform a task or to get something the user wants to obtain. It's a distinction that allows a designer to take the ego out of her work and concentrate on producing a quality experience.
That's the same thing the programmer wants. And programmers are not immune to ego, either.
The single biggest factor in a system's maintainability is how little repetition there is. We don't write code to calculate sales tax in the five places that we need that calculation. We write the code in one place, a function called calculate_sales_tax(), and we use that five times. If the code has to be changed, we change it in one function rather then individual places. That saves time, and it means that we can't accidentally only change the sales tax process in four places.
CSS is the biggest example of DRY in the designer's world. Before CSS, all display markup had be specified in HTML like so:

This is a headline

Now, of course, with CSS styles are specified like:

This is a headline

And the markup is in one place in a CSS file. If you use CSS, you're following the DRY principle.
Designers can help us programmers reduce complexity by exercising DRY in everything they do. If you have an image that is to be used on two different pages, put it in a common directory that each page can refer to.
Templating systems are another excellent way to reduce repetition. Did you have to go and change the copyright date in the footer of every page on the site on January 2 last year? If you'd been using a template system and your pages ended with something like ...
<!include footer.html>
... then you would have had to change footer.html, and you'd be done.
Alignment and spacing are important. It's all too common that we run into problems with a strict developer where we give him a design and it gets built with the alignment and spacing ignored. It's allowed to go to the default layout. Eeek.
The reason we use alignment and spacing is to ensure that the end-user has an easy time of performing the function you want them to perform. Without stylistic conventions, the user won't necessarily stay around for whatever functionality you've come up with. She can get lost in the crammed area of whatever you're trying to put in there and won't know what to do. Using alignment for directing a user is one of the best ways to get them what you want them to do.
Make the process easy visually. If a user can find what he is looking for, accomplish the task that brought him to your website, or learn what he can do on your website quickly and intuitively, you have succeeded. If a user is forced to read instructions or interact with the site to figure it out – well, then you have work to do.
Two examples come to mind. Compare Yahoo's member homepage (above) with Fab.com or MailChimp.com.
One is overwhelming in scope, the other two are organized with whitespace and alignment, making it easy to scan and decide what you want to learn more about. Obviously, both sites service different types of audiences, but you can tell Fab.com and MailChimp.com cater to design-sensitive users who don't wish to be overwhelmed by an avalanche of information.
In modern software development, a version control system (VCS), such as git or subversion, is a must. No qualified programmer would work without one, and neither should you. A VCS has two major benefits for the designer: change management and history tracking.
Have you ever played the game where you have to run around to your co-workers and say "Don't touch contact.html, I'm making changes to it." If you don't let everyone know, you and someone else might both make changes to the file, and then whose version do you keep? VCSs take care of that by keeping track of the files stored in it as well as the changes made. When you commit your new version of contact.html to the repository, only the changes are stored. When your co-workers update from the repository, your changes show up in their files. Best of all, if two people make changes to contact.html, both of their changes are combined automatically.
The second huge win of a VCS is that you have a history of all the changes that were made, who made them, and when. Did something break on the website between last Tuesday and this morning? The VCS can create a list of all the changes since last Tuesday. You can check out the state of the entire project from a given point in time to compare how things worked then compared to now.
Some designers make copies of their work in specially named directories, such as "Anderson Project 2012-07-13 snapshot," so that they can go back to a known good state of the project in case of emergencies. A VCS does that for you and more. If you're not yet using a VCS for your projects, ask your programmers about which one they use and to request that they show you the ropes.
There is, of course, much more that designers and programmers can learn from each other. We hope that whichever you are, you'll ponder the life from the side of the project. As we said, neither side is trying to be a pain. We both have quality issues we work with, and we just want the best for the project.
Try taking your project counterpart to lunch some time. Trade war stories about hard-to-find memory allocation bugs or the perils of writing CSS for Internet Explorer. You might find that you learn something from one another and that your project team will be stronger because of it.
About the authors:
Andy Lester has been developing business software for 25 years, back when "interface design" meant drawing arrows with asterisks to show the user which disk drive to put the floppy in. He works extensively in open source and is the creator of the ack code search tool and many Perl modules. He also wrote Land the Tech Job You Love, published by Pragmatic Bookshelf, and blogs about technology and work life.
Lauren Grey has been a designer for more than 15 years and started learning about HTML and code because she thought it would be important to know. Since hand-coding her first websites, she's learned how to balance design and programming in a number of different work environments. Currently working on an in-house creative team and constantly growing the skill set necessary to understand a tiny bit of what Andy is talking about all the time, you can see her work at www.lauren-grey.com.
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Thank you so much for your support. Thank you to my Design Team.. you are all so very talented and I wish you the best in all your endeavors. I and many others will continue to admire your creations by visiting your blogs.
Winner for last week was post #6 Ammie L. Smith .. please send me an email to claim your prize.
Our last challenge was to alter some frames. Enjoy and visit The Cuttlebug Spot for more altered frame inspirations.

subset: commoncrawl


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UnNews:Obituary:Amy Winehouse enters rebirth
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
23 July 2011
LONDON, England -- "Amy Winehouse decided to finally enter a Rebirth facility today, after seemingly delirious talks with her record label, management, family, doctors, fans, enemies, and the media ended in deathly silence from her end," Winehouse's record company, Universal Music Group, said today in a statement to reporters. "She has come to understand that she must actually die to continue her ongoing recovery from death addiction."
Tuesday, a photo of the British singer apparently trying to hang herself from a coat hanger in a hotel was splashed across the front page of the U.K. tabloid The Snitch. The photo, taken from a 19-minute video whose source The Sun has not revealed as Wikileaks, was accompanied by reports that the "Boo and Hiss" nominated singer had allegedly engaged in a drug binge of cocaine, belladonna, ecstasy, disestablishmentarianism, Valium, helium and crank, all at once. She was so "buzzed" that the buzzing sound was audible from within 12 inches.
And only a week prior to that media rat-finkdom, the whacked-out singer had jumped off the Petronas Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia; although the sincerity of her suicide attempt was held in question due to the fact she had worn and deployed a parachute, which, alone, saved her miserable life.
Winehouse, 24, is perhaps best known for her 2006 hit "Reborn," in which she wrote about her refusal to die.
Hours after the video was released, however, the singer turned up at the privately run Hatton Nightmare Hospital, accompanied by her father, Mitch, and a bodyguard, both sporting 'shit-eating-grins' according to The Times of London. The private loony bin in central London is famous for treating celebrities with death obsessions and necrophobias.
Supermodel Kate Moss was among those who retreated to the mad house when photos of her apparently having dinner on a date with washed up comedian Pee Wee Herman were published by The Daily Mirror, a British tabloid, in September 2005. Moss has since resurrected her modeling career through the simple process of rebirth into a younger, more youthful body, although it will take a few more years before she is mature enough.
So, will Winehouse survive her apparent death, not to mention the unflattering glare of the U.K. tabloid press? Is Winehouse's Life on the Line? Yes it is! And, no, she won't survive. Because, besides Jesus Christ and Jack Bauer no one can come back from the dead.
In an interview with ABC News, Bryon Gordon, a columnist with The Daily Telegraph, said that her death meant that Winehouse wouldn't "be able to attend the Grammy Awards ceremony this year, because the U.S. authorities are unlikely to recognize her existence, and she has not been invited in any case."
Still, according to others, the possible refusal of an American visa is the least of Winehouse's problems, with her death being at the top of the list. But the worst of her problems could very well be getting reborn as an ugly nympho Muslim slut in a Pakistani village under the Taliban, or worse, as a believer in Al Gore's carbon tax hogwash.
Considering that she is already dead, it is safe to assume that she is not coming back in her dead body. But she may be reincarnated already, perhaps in a good family, perhaps in a bad one, perhaps on the right side of the tracks, perhaps on the wrong, perhaps as a human, or perhaps as an animal, perhaps with good karma, or perhaps with bad karma to face. So many "perhaps" that we, at Unnews, call bullshit on the whole story. No one gives a rat's arse what happened to her, unless she comes back as a fucking zombie.
- Staff "Winehouse Goes to Rehab". ABC News, July 24, 2011


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Using social media to update neighbors
As Hurricane Sandy approached, apprehension built in the Black Rock section of Bridgeport, a lovely waterfront enclave embraced by the Sound, Black Rock harbor and Ash Creek.
As in so many waterfront neighborhoods, though, apprehension of the water replaced appreciation as the description and tracking of the storm became more ominous.
What always compounds a dicey situation is a lack of information.
So, even before the storm hit, Kelly Bolton Cummings and Bill Pelletier, Black Rock neighbors, set up a Facebook page -- Black Rock Community Updates -- for the exchange of information on everything from where to park cars to where to find food before, during and after the storm.
Katie Bukovsky, a Black Rock resident who nominated them as Lights in the Storm, said, "The group has been a Godsend in providing valuable information and updates.
"Also, Kelly has spearheaded a `dinner drive' for neighbors to prepare fresh homemade meals for those neighbors still without power. Many others have been active within the group -- making lunches today for school kids, checking on out-of-towners elderly parents living in Black Rock, organizing our own Black Rock Halloween this Saturday -- which shows what a special community Black Rock really is. Kudos to Kelly and Bill for bringing out the best of the neighborhood during this devastating crisis," Bukovsky wrote.
As we drilled a little deeper into this story, we found that Cummings and Pelletier also reached out to neighbor Dave Blagys, longtime director of the Wakeman Boys and Girls Club and a Black Rock resident. Blagys opened the new Wakeman facility on Fairfield Avenue as a neighborhood shelter.


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Hey guys,
I purchased 3 Golden Wonders yesterday at Petsmart. They seem to be pretty healthy, but I did notice something today. Currently I have them and 3 Serpaes in a QT. One of them tends to hover around the bottom, while the other 2 hover at the top or in the mid (usually in between). Sometimes they're all at the bottom - usually when the lights are off, I think.
The one that hovers at the bottom for the majority of the time has a forked tail, while the two up top have fanned tails. Is a forked tail normal for some Killies? There doesn't appear to be any fan in the middle of the tail - it reminds me more of a shark tail than a Killie.
Has anyone ever seen this before? Is this something I should be concerned with?


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With help from FindAGrave.com and hints from online census and marriage records, we can fill in the missing bits with some confidence.
consort of
& dau of [Arthur & Ann]
Irwin, died Dec. 2, 1836:
in the 30 year of
her age.
There is more of interest on this gravestone: An epitaph is still intact and legible.
When nine years old, she sought the Lord.
Nor did she seek in vain:
According to his gracious word,
He pardon'd all her sin. R.F.
R.F. = Robert Faris? I'd like to think so.
Oak Grove Cemetery, Delaware County, Ohio


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Members of the newly-formed Latino Coalition for Educational Equality descended on the state's Capitol Tuesday to push for education reforms, including funding for low-income districts and more involvement by Latino experts in the legislative process.
Wealthy school districts are largely majority Anglo, while property-poor districts, including San Antonio's Edgewood Independent School District, are majority Latino, said David Hinojosa, regional counsel for the Mexican American Legal Defense and Educational Fund, or MALDEF, in San Antonio.
"This is not some kind of mistake that's happened overnight, it's a system that has evolved over many years and was created by legislators themselves," Hinojosa said during a press conference Tuesday morning. "The system is not only fractured, but it is broken."
The coalition planned to spend the day testifying at both the House and Senate Education Committee hearings, and asking legislators for several changes that they hope will better prepare Latino students for higher education.
One hope is that lawmakers will better involve Latinos in the legislative process, so that instead of suing the government and creating new reforms after bills are passed, Latino experts will be included on the front end. Some 52 percent of Texas' five million public school students are Latino, the group said, and one out of six students are English-language learners.
Edgewood long has been a poster child for school funding disparities, said Jesse Romero of the Texas Association for Bilingual Education, and similarly, San Antonio's demographics are representative of where the state's population is headed.
He noted that dual-language programs have been popular in San Antonio, including one in property-wealthy Alamo Heights Independent School District that Romero said has a three-year waiting list.
"San Antonio is often a snapshot of what Texas will be like in the future," he said. "If we can get it right in San Antonio, we can expand those practices to the rest of the state of Texas."


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Stackable birthstone Rings are a great way to celebrate yours or someone you love's special day – the day of their birth! Or celebrate your wedding day! Stackable birthstone rings will create a moment both of you and your lover will always treasure. Also, A stackable birthstone ring set is a wonderful gift for your mom.
So, stackable birthstone rings are more and more popular nowadays. How to buy a perfect stackable birthstone ring?
Firstly, we can learn about every month birthstone and their meanings, and then Choose a stone for your birth month or star sign:
1. January – Garnet, it stands for chastity, fraternity and faith.
2. February – Amethyst is symbolic of honesty, peace, romance
3. March – Aquamarine which is associated with meanings of staidness, courage, cleverness
4. April – Diamond is connected to purity, eternal love
5. May – Emerald, it will bring us luck, hope and happiness
June – Moonstone, a symbol of health, wealth and longevity
7. July – Ruby, represents passion, love, dignity
8. August – Peridot, happy marriage, luck, hope
9. September – Sapphire, means wisdom, faith
10. October – Tourmaline, happy, peace
11. November -Citrine, it can remove negativity, and bring us friendliness
12. December -Blue Topaz, Victory, good luck, success.
Secondly, you can choose your most favorite color. Just saying, to each their own. In additional, you can choose the color which the most suitable for your natural skin colour, and to highlight your personality.
To choose a stackable birthstone ring, hand-type factors cannot be ignored, it can decides the color and the size of rings.
Type 1 – Fingers are short and thick
If your fingers are short, please avoid to choose the delicate style, like a micro-pave ultra thin wedding band, there will be a greater contrast, and it seems your fingers are grossly thick. However, a stackable ring with big gemstone is also not fit with your hand.
A stackable birthstone wedding band like this would be a good choice:
Type 2 – Small hands
For small hands, you can choose delicate and elegant stackable birthstone rings such as ruby diamond eternity wedding band, art deco wedding band. You can stack with 2 or 3 rings. You can wear them together or separately for different looks.
Type 3 – Slender hands
If you have slender hands, congratulations! No matter luxury, big gemstone rings or delicate, elegant stackable birthstone rings, they will be more charming once worn on this slender hand. You can choose full eternity, thin design, Micro-pave diamond wedding bands in different gold, white gold, rose gold, yellow gold. Small enough to stack many rings at once.
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This event occurred in the past
Institute for Law & Philosophy: Freedom of Conscience Conference
This event occurred in the past
Date and Time
Friday, April 23, 2010 — Saturday, April 24, 2010 from 9:00 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.
Warren Hall, Faculty Reading Room
Overview | Schedule | Reservations
Conference Overview
Although "freedom of conscience" has been one of the long-standing and central commitments of liberal constitutionalism, the commitment arose in a world in which religious assumptions figured prominently in the framework or worldview within which political issues involving religion and conscience were understood and debated. "Conscience" was commonly conceived to be a religious faculty, and "freedom of conscience" was understood in religious terms. Today, by contrast, such matters are typically considered within a more secular framework. Marie Failinger suggests that freedom of conscience "began as an argument that government must ensure a free response by the individual called distinctively by the Divine within" but by now "has come to mean very little beyond the notion of personal existential decision-making."
This change in frameworks and conceptions raises questions. What is "conscience?" Does the term have any useful content today? Can "freedom of conscience" (whatever it is) be adequately justified on secular assumptions? Several scholars recently have doubted that it can be. Is Noah Feldman correct that the once central constitutional commitment to freedom of conscience has to a significant degree been replaced by a commitment to equality? And if so, is this development to be applauded or regretted? Is freedom of conscience a commitment whose time has passed?
Such questions will be the subject of this conference, which will consider the meaning, importance, and viability of the venerable (or anachronistic?) commitment to "freedom of conscience."
Conference Schedule
Friday, April 23, 2010
|8:30–9:00 a.m.
|9:00–10:30 a.m.
|First Paper Discussion (Nomi Stolzenberg, USC, Philosophy)
|10:30–10:45 a.m.
|10:45–12:15 a.m.
|Three Versions of the Politics of Conscience (Ronald Beiner, University of Torronto, Political Science)
|12:15 p.m.
|Lunch Break
|5:00–6:00 p.m.
|Foundations of Religious Liberty: Toleration or Respect (Brian Leiter, University of Chicago Law School)
|6:00–7:00 p.m.
|No Respect: Brian Leiter on Religion (Andrew Koppelman, Northwestern Law School)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
|8:30–9:00 a.m.
|9:00–10:30 a.m.
|The First Amendment's Religion Clauses: 'Freedom of Conscience' versus Institutional Accommodation (Michael White, Arizona State University, Philosophy)
|10:30–10:45 a.m.
|10:45–12:15 a.m.
|The Right to Freedom of Conscience (Michael Perry, Emory Law School)
|12:15 p.m.
|Lunch Break
|5:00–6:30 p.m.
|The Significance of Conscience (Kent Greenawalt, Columbia Law School)
Conference Reservations
The conference is open to faculty, staff, students and the general public. E-mail Leilani Sharrett to reserve your seat or call (619) 260-4208.


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The awesome power of no.
By Lesley | May 23, 2011
Whenever I write things elsewhere that are critical of bodily norms, and especially about weight, there are always certain Bingo-friendly responses. The most common one is a sort of exasperated, heaving insistence that I—or anyone else—"just" lose weight. Don't talk about things, for heaven's sake! Don't criticize the popular cultural messages about bodies and health! Don't question the widespread assumptions and expect rational proofs beyond "but everyone just knows it's bad to be fat!" Just do it! Just lose weight, and be done with it!
These people may as well be mumbling "Conform… conform…" in a zombie-esque drone for all the good it does. This is the pressure to assimilate, that I should keep quiet and swallow like everyone else. Why do you have to question everything? Why does it always have to be a battle with you? Why are you so hostile? These are the social obstacles that every social justice activist must learn to navigate, no matter their particular area of investment. Arguably, the folks who throw up these blocks do not get why a person wouldn't just go along with expectations and norms; they can't understand why someone would rather be a wrench in the works and not another useful cog.
The hell of it is, even if I were to cease being fat, I would not stop criticizing the cultural assumptions about bodies and weight. I would simply do so as a smaller person. And I'd do it as a smaller person for the same exact reasons I do it as a fatter person.
I criticize our body culture because these assumptions and expectations are bad for everyone. It's not simply a matter of fat people having a rough time of it, even though they do, and even though it is wrong that fat people are often harassed, humiliated, and ostracized, and that this ill treatment is socially encouraged. Our cultural expectations of normative bodies, and our stringent beauty standards, and our compulsory and universalizing ideas about health—these forces hurt everyone, no matter their size, no matter if they are slender, or average, or very very fat.
These forces–which affect everyone but target lady-identified folks in particular—do not make us healthier, or better-looking, or more happy. Instead they breed self-loathing, dissatisfaction, and a constant feeling of inferiority. I can illustrate the damage they do with one obvious example: how many people do you know who are 100% happy with their bodies and their overall appearance? Some of y'all are fortunate to travel in circles in which you can say with confidence that most of the folks you know feel this way, but for the wider population, the overwhelming majority do not.
Do you reckon this is just a huge coincidence?
The pressure to always be thin, beautiful, and healthy makes us miserable. It doesn't make us happy, or comfortable, or confident, or safe. It keeps us hungry (literally and figuratively) and sad, certain only that we are never virtuous enough to measure up to those cultural expectations, and that we never will be.
The only people I know—myself included—who are happy with their bodies are the ones who have dropped out of the assimilation races. I'm not suggesting that doing so means you're no longer affected by these pressures; as noted above, everyone is affected by them. But setting our own boundaries and expectations enables us to define ourselves, and to resist being defined by external cultural forces for the convenience of those who would use us and our bodies as cautionary tales, or as whipping posts, or as scapegoats.
And it all starts when we say no. We can say no. When someone instructs us to lose weight, to shave, to straighten our hair, to get "in shape", to wear makeup, to wear less makeup, to dress appropriately, to dress more stylishly, no not that stylishly, to stop standing out, to stop making noise, to stop being so damn large, to stop making excuses, to stop fighting, to just get along, to just do what we tell you, to just buy into this commercial weight-loss plan, to just take these pills, to just have this cosmetic surgery, to just follow instructions, to just know that we're doing this for your own good, to never walk alone, to never walk alone in that outfit, to never draw attention, because no one wants to see that, because no one wants to see your body, because no one wants to see you.
You can tell them no, and refuse to say more on the subject. No is always an option. It's a small word, a difficult word, a word that speaks volumes in a single syllable, and one that gets easier to say the more you do it. It's part of your arsenal, whether you realize it or not, and it's a powerful weapon.
You can say no.
You don't have to explain it.
You don't have to apologize for it.
You can just
70 Comments
I have a friend whos 11 year old daughter has started dieting due to comments from her peers,even though she's underweight.
I hate it ,this society that honours diets and schemes to stay young more than compassion or empathy,more than wisdom and experience.I think we have things totally backwards!
I really needed to hear this. I joined Curves a while back because I wanted to be more active, have more stamina and more strength, and I've been going three times a week for a couple of months and I've gained about 5 lbs. Well, at my Friday weigh-in, I was fat shamed for the first time in a loooong time, and it really threw me. I felt terrible all weekend. I think it might be time for me to say "no" to the weigh-ins and tell them to put a permanent "no" in my file regarding any weight loss "opportunities".
I didn't know Curves did weigh ins, yuck. Man, how unmotivational is that?
My therapist likes to remind me that "no" is a complete sentence.
"'No' is a complete sentence." I love this!
I love your therapist!
That is so awesome. I will be using that one!
I loved going to Curves, but I never ever ever participated in weigh-ins. I knew I would just feel like shit if I did. By not knowing my weight, I was able to just focus on how I felt, and I felt great! I felt physically better when I was regularly going to Curves than I ever have, but I knew how I felt mentally would suffer if I turned my focus to weight-loss. Everyone else seemed so eager to track every inch and pound! It just seemed de-motivational to me. I'm sorry you had a bad experience, I hope you will be able to keep working out there and not be bothered for your weight.
I go to Curves and I do participate in the weigh-ins, but when I'm asked what my goal is, I say it's to be more active and get better mobility with my Arthritic joints. I never say "I want to lose X" kilos". I refuse to set a goal I don't believe in.
I guess that's the passive-agressive form of "No"?
I think redefining the conversation around your actual personal goals is not passive-aggressive at all, but beautifully assertive. Go, you!
Saying "I am here to work on my fitness goals, not to lose weight" may be a real challenge to their superstitions!
I like that statement. I'm going to have to adopt it.
I don't know how your Curves works, but I was a member for 5 years and I think I did one weigh in. I would just "forget" when the reminder came up on my account, and if they asked I just gave a cheery "no thanks!" and got on the machines. What crap that someone felt they had the right to get all superior and shame-y on you. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Apparently it's escaping them that people who get stronger do in fact gain weight. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sort of opposed to Curves on general principle, but I think this is a very specific reason to think they treat people crappily. 🙁
Something that I think all potential customers should know about Curves is that they are an inherently anti-woman company, supporting at least one very conservative cause:
Sorry that happened to you. That sucks.
Oooo, I didn't know that. I used to go to Curves, and enjoyed it, but haven't been in years due to scheduling issues. I won't ever go back now that I've read that. Thanks for the enlightenment!
Brilliant. I'm going to carry this around in my head today. You can just say no. You can just say no. You can just say no.
News Flash! Fat people can be healthy too! Ok, perhaps not news to Lesley's readers but this was actually stated in print in the New York Times. It's a short blog about a new study that *shockingly* discovered some fat people are healthy and some thin people are not. Not front page news as I would like to see but baby steps… Here's a link to the article:
I just have to say … I love you 🙂 You give me hope that the next generations with all forget about size-ism.
Well said. Man, I wish that my parents' generation had had articulate people like you around to help them feel better about themselves and see how oppressive societal norms about bodies are–to help them own and feel good about the way their bodies naturally are/were. Basically, I wish FA had been around longer (or been stronger and more visible longer), but I'm so glad it exists now in force and that the movement has intelligent activists and thinkers. People like you are making it better for all of us by getting the issues out there and helping everyone who comes across blogs like yours think critically about the society they live in, and their own complicity in body policing, etc. (even if they previously thought it came from a "good" place, like the medicalization of "health.")
Rock on, Leslie. And maybe get yourself a time machine if they're ever invented, and make the U.S. a better place in decades past, as well. =D
Arg–I'm so sorry I spelled your name wrong, Lesley!
I love this post, and that picture of you, Lesley.
I started saying "no" to my doctors when they asked to weigh me and what a difference it has made. Doctors talk about my weight WAY less when they don't have a number or BMI to cite (since, you know, it'd be rude to just say I "looked" fat).
I feel more empowered, more in control, and less depressed when I visit the doctor now. Give it a try!
In my opinion, the only reason to change your body is if it limits you from what you want to be able to do. I'm not talking things like fit social norms, of course. I'm talking things such as climbing (definitely a case where too thin can be as much as, if not more so, a detriment…), Yoga (one of the most flexible people I know is around 300 pounds, and one of the thinnest people I know has severe flexibility issues despite a decade plus of ballet training. Once again, weight isn't the primary factor…), etc. This sort of thing comes down to finding the balances in your body to do the things you want, rather than fighting your natural balances to fit societal "norms"… The things that I find attractive, more than anything, are the personality, will, and self-comfort a person has. My perceptions of beauty wander all over the spectrum of "body types", and I'm far more likely to find someone beautiful if they can see the beauty in who they are.
Well said…
Hey- thanks for posting this article, Lesley. On Wednesday, I'll publish some of my favorite quotes with a response to you- thanks for blogging about the importance of size acceptance on an individual level. Check out my responses here:
The Curvy Angle
Autonomy and agency–they're not just for breakfast anymore!
(I've always loved "'No' is a complete sentence." It's practically a little black dress of comebacks.)
Like a lot of women I've spent most of my life to date struggling to say no, to anything at all.
My self- and size-acceptance revolution was born out of a weary, defeated 'no more, please' *sigh* because the barrage of diet talk and criticism (from inside and out) and encouragement to never believe I was good enough was just so damned tiring and I didn't know who I was anymore. I was trying much too hard to be what society and the people around me expected me to be.
Now I'm learning to just say no. The power is mine again. And life has never been better. Thanks for this post.
I always respect and admire your ability to say no, Lesley, and I appreciate what you're doing. I'm also thrilled that you're healthy.
We used to run in the same online circles (I was LSPoorEeyorick back then) and I was very glad to have you as an influence. I still am.
Please know, however, that not everyone who loses weight does so with conformity in mind. My choice to make some lifestyle changes has everything to do with my health, which was failing significantly. And after watching my mother's long struggle and weight-related death, I made those changes.
It believe it is possible to be self-loving and weight-losing simultaneously. Actually, I think my experience within the Fat Acceptance community (which I still support) is what has made it possible for me to – hate to use this metaphor but – have my cake and eat it too. To love who I am now, and to take care of who I am at the same time. I started seeing doctors, which I used to avoid. Exercising and being active, inspired by HAES. And that evolved into learning to plan and make delicious, filling meals with include nutritious ingredients. Quitting fast food cold-turkey. Being more mindful of my meals and throughout my days. Seeking therapy and then realizing my disordered binge behavior. HAES led me to more of the "H" than I had ever experienced before. And, yes, it led to my weight loss.
I owe everything to FA. It taught me to accept who I am, take up the space that I take up, and demand respect. And I am fully aware that there are PLENTY of people who are active and healthy regardless of size. And regardless of health (or desire to be healthy) I firmly believe in equal rights and equal respect. Size is not a valid indicator of health; I know some very unhealthy thin people. But I was a very unhealthy fat person. And now I'm a healthier, less-fat person. I'm still fat. And I still own that word. But I still have a long way to go (in terms of health issues, not pounds) until I can actually call myself "healthy." So I'm not going to agree that I'm specifically seeking conformity, just because my weight loss will probably continue as I continue taking care of my health. I'll still be a big ol' ball of weird, no matter what size I am.
I'm behind you. Say no to anyone who wants to make you somewhere you don't want to be. I'm saying no, too. No to those who exacerbate their disordered eating with unhealthy means of weight loss, and who encourage others to do so. And no to those who think that my weight loss must be a negative, self-hating process.
Er, someTHING you don't want to be.
It's so great that you stopped a cycle of disordered eating that was making you feel ill both mentally and physically. Congratulations! I wish you all the best in maintaining your recovery.
The thing is that stopping a cycle of disordered eating is not synonymous with losing weight for everyone. Sometimes it's synonymous with gaining weight. Sometimes it's weight-neutral. Part of body acceptance, as I understand that, is focusing on the behaviors that work and don't work for you, rather than on the number on the scale.
What frustrates me to no end is that people (mainly women) are so programed to grin and bare anything. Whether someone is making them uncomfortable, angry, or vulnerable, they just shut up and take it. If someone is being flat out rude to you, why not say something? Why not point it out to them that their being an asshole? Even if they don't listen at least youve shown your not just going to be a doormat for them. Stand up for yourself, don't you deserve it? Its not being rude or selfish! Its having respect for yourself. I know some people try to not stoop to that person's level, but that doesn't mean having to put up with someone who isn't respecting you.
If someone was causing problems for your kid, or spouse, or best friend, wouldn't you stand up for them? Whats wrong with doing it for yourself too?
All I hear in my head when people start down that road is "But I don't want to look meeeeeeeean," which is the usual flimsy rationale. In other words, spend your life pleasing other people! Make them happy! Always! That's what women are for, you know! Bleagh.
It gives me the creeps when people think it's not okay to defend yourself or define your own boundaries. Absolutely, yes, if you would do it for someone else, flippin' do it for yourself. Such a double standard.
Yes! exactly, good girls aren't supposed to express any negative emotions. We're supposed to be sweet and happy, push our real feelings down so they don't bother others. Its bull and is why women are more likely to develop mental and social disorders. Ive read so many posts on various sites were the female poster writes about a situation that made her uncomfortable or upset and then asks everyone wheither shes just being "too sensitive", or crazy for being bothered by it. Each time I just want to shake the person and say "you don't need premission to be pissed off its okay!"
I have given up being nice. I now focus on being kind.
Being kind means being honest, in a gentle, yet firm, manner. To myself as well as to others. It is not kind to me, or to them, to allow someone to believe I feel one way when I truly feel another. It is also not a kindness to avoid confronting someone who clearly needs it. If nothing else, it does not help another future victim.
Thats right, I mean most people are paranoid about looking like jerks. So for the most part all you really have to say is "oh could you please not doe this/say that to me, it really bothers me." And they'll usually apologize, say they didn't know and that they won't do it again. Sometimes people don't see how their coming across. While other people, yeah don't care if their rude but they usually are that way to everyone not just you and if you say something to them maybe they'll think twice or avoid you. Whichever, its better then having to put up with them. lol
I've been thinking about this comment all day. I'm not one for maxims, but "don't be nice, be kind" sound like words to live by. Nice is superficial and concerned with smoothing the emotions of other people in the moment. Kind is concerned with creating relationships based on genuine emotion and compassion.
Yeah thats right, if you really care about having a good relationship with a certain person and the only thing thats stoping you from doing that is something they have said to you or how they are treating you. The only way for that problem to be healed over is by you saying something. Once its addressed and both parties are satisfied you can move on.
Sure you could be nice and not say anything but you would always probably feel resentful or uncomfortable towards that person.
I saw an instance where you gave a simple "no" to a nasty commenter recently and thought it was brilliant. Why justify yourself to someone like that?
Thank you for doing what you do. You've made a difference in my life, at least. I owe a lot to you for getting me down the path to giving up body hatred and dieting. Thanks for letting us know that "no" is okay.
And yet this powerful little word "no" conveniently disappears when the third piece of pie is offered.
I am getting better at saying no. I am NOT getting better at not explaining myself. I am trying to remember that I don't owe anyone an explanation. That when I justify, I dilute the strength of my 'no'. That when I think I have to get involved in a long argument about it, I am less likely to say no when I need to, because it's just easier to go along with things than have the debate and be told I am being silly.
Thanks for the reminder.
The only people I know—myself included—who are happy with their bodies are the ones who have dropped out of the assimilation races.
What an interesting thought! Thanks for, once again, letting me see something from a different perspective!
Another brilliant essay. I feel so empowered after reading it. I am definitely not much of a person who goes along with the crowd, but the weight pressure is constant and overbearing, because it's public whenever I leave the house (no one can see my veganism or atheism, for example, but my fatness is visible from a long way away).
A great companion piece to your "Wages of Visibility" essay in Notes from the Fatosphere. I return to read that every time I experience an uncomfortable moment of anti-fat scorn in public.
Just… thank you. Your timing is perfect.
Everybody else has already said what I would like to say in praise of this post – Hell yeah! and so forth… I would like to know about those shoes. If the heels are 1.5″ or less, then they are my Holy Grail of Summer Shoes and I desperately need to know where you found them.
I **LOVE** J's idea that we NOT let the doctors have a number to judge us with. I've noticed that most doctors treat my chart, not me. I've been treated for typos!
"No." to assimilation. I've been doing some of that, but not all of it has been conscious. Thanks for spelling it out.
I don't use make-up. The other day, someone commented on that and I reminded hir that "I'm naturally beautiful" so I don't need makeup.
Absolutely terrific post.
PSA Alert!: To the person who posted above regarding the dieting 11yo.
Calorie restricting diets are, of course, bad for us all. However, they are PARTICULARLY dangerous for children, as dieting is the "gateway drug" for eating disorders, the majority of which start in the teenage years; >85% of people with EDs first manifest the disease after calorie restriction. A child who is calorie restricting (particularly a child who appears thin or underweight) is at increased risk for ED. Great parent resources:
(Wild applause)
And you know, now that I think about it, saying no was the only useful lesson I took away from the book that triggered my eating disorder. So I guess I got something out of that after all.
(Not that the book was the sole cause; the dominoes had already been set up, and aimed at a particularly extreme pre-packaged diet. But it did tip them over by making it quite clear to me that it was ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE to go to France in a size 14.)
The France thing is a load of bull, I went to Paris when I was a size 16. The first day I got kissed, oggled and one guy begged me and my friend to stay with him. I never heard a single comment on my size at all. Especially going in the summer when tourist season is in full swing, they see so many different bodies from all over I can't imagine their not used to it.
aww yeah, this is why i love this blog. it's so reaffirming of positive, healthy attitudes i'm trying to adopt. i think one of mypersonal challenges is not just saying no, but saying no to constructs or ideas inside myself; cruel concepts or standards of beauty/perfection/strength that i've absorbed over the years often are as loud as any external jackass around me.
But what if you can't say no? If I say no, if I don't live up to their expectations, only bad things will happen. I am afraid to eat infront of anybody, am afraid to just say I'm hungry when I am, am afraid to be as open and accepting of my own weight like you. Cause if I do, then my mother will take away everything that's precious to me, she will cry and scream and make me feel even worse, at school, my gym teacher would flunk me, making sure that I wont pass, only because of -gym- and my classmates would look at me weirdly and ask me why I don't just lose the weight and be done with it. The worst is, I actually am trying. I'm trying to lose weight, but it doesn't work. I don't overeat at all (I already went to a dietist who told me that my normal eating habits are even one-third of a 'normal' diet.), but when I try to excersise, I can't breathe (I have astma) and even when I push through that, I still don't lose weight. And then I lose the will to excersise, because it hurts, it makes it hard to breathe and I don't get any results at all. Yet no one, not even my very own mother, seems to understand this. So please tell me, how could I ever say no, when all that awaits me is pain? (I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound mean or questioning, I just don't know what to do anymore.)
I haven't been in your exact situation (I don't have asthma, and my mother was abusive in more subtle ways about my weight) but I know how it is to feel trapped in school with awful people, unsympathetic teachers and parents who utterly fail to support you. I don't know how old you are or what your financial/educational situation is, but eventually you will probably get to move away from your parents, and then it becomes a lot easier to say no, whether it's to weight loss or some other thing they'd like to subject you to supposedly for your own good.
What you're going through is absolutely not right, and your PE teachers should at the VERY least realize that your asthma is something that's holding you back, and that it's not your fault — even if they still erroniously believe the fat is your fault. Are there any adults in your life who might take you seriously if you told them what was going on? Teachers, parents of friends, librarians?
I wish I had a magical solution to deal with abusive gym teachers, parents, and peers, but I do not; all I can really offer is hope.
Anglia –
My heart goes out to you for sure – I never had the same kind of pressure to lose weight placed on me by others, but I sure placed it on MYSELF.
When you start saying "NO" to things that you know hurt you in some way, as Lesley says, there's usually a mess of confrontation waiting you. You already know this. But you also wrote that the "only thing" that awaits you is pain – and this is where, I think, there's room to maneuver. Because yes – there's pain that comes from those immediate conflicts: parents who aren't being supportive. Evil gym teachers (and man, did I ever have those). But there's also, often, a rush of empowerment, a feeling of YES! I am doing something FOR MYSELF, in the way that I WANT TO.
And the pain that those other people are inflicting – that is about THEM. It is *all about Them* and their own fears and anxieties and issues. You should never, ever have to make yourself feel terrible (and it sounds like you feel kinda terrible) as a way for others to manage their issues.
I'd also echo Kaesa's remarks about finding a sympathetic adult – school nurse, maybe your dietician who said you were eating okay, school guidance counselor or social worker, a teacher, whomever – to help support you, even if it's just with your gym-class issues. Librarians can also be secret agents of awesome – a good librarian might be able to help you find some resources – both books and local groups, etc – that will be helpful to you.
And I don't know if this is acceptable to post or not, but you're more than welcome to email me anytime you like (kbryna @ gmail dot com). I teach english at a university, and I'm pretty used to having students talk with me about their problems (and I tell you what: EVERYone has got them, even the most together-seeming people).
And as Lesley said in response – You, like everyone, deserve to be happy and loved and respected no matter what you weigh, or how often you exercise.
Hello, Anglia. First of all, I'm really sorry that you're in a really unsafe and harmful situation. It sounds like you're trying as hard as you can to survive the abuse you're dealing with. Since you seem to be a minor, that complicates your situation, because there are complex and shaky legal processes to go through if you want to be emancipated, AND Child Protective Servics is not very reliable about stopping abuse. I remember when I was ten my dad called Child Protective Services on my mom. It didn't really stop the abuse at all, it just forced it to take more "acceptable" forms.
My best advice for you, if you can't do anything to stop the abuse, if even saying "no" is too dangerous for you, is to find ways of saying "no" inside yourself, inside your soul, places where your abusers can't reach you. Make a part of your heart unreachable to their toxicity. Coming here shows that you know how to find ways out of internalized abusive messages. Joining online communities that are supportive, that KNOW what you're going through and KNOW that it's wrong, helps you gradually be able to tell YOURSELF that you are not bad for being fat and that you DO. NOT. DESERVE. the abuse. The more you can say "no" on the inside, the easier it becomes to say "no" on the outside, as long as saying "no" on the outside doesn't get you killed or put in a mental institution or deprived food.
It can also be extremely hard to find help in the offline world because you don't know who you can trust, because you can't AFFORD to put your trust in someone who's going to break it, and the abuse has gone on so long you don't even know how to trust your own feelings anymore about who is safe and who isn't. So if you can't find anyone in your local world you can trust, you can still probably read blogs like this, find books about this sort of thing, and join support groups for victims of abuse. Fugitivus is a really good blog written by an abuse survivor. It doesn't focus heavily on Fat Acceptance but it does focus on what it's like to be in an abusive situation that is almost entirely impossible to escape from, and how to recover from abusive self-talk. If you find a way to stop the abusive self-talk, you find a place in yourself where the abusers can't reach you. I wish you luck, and here's an internet hug you can take or leave: *hug*
Being able to say no is a signal of being in a power position.
Sometimes, especially when you are financially and legally dependent on others, you really are not in a position to do that.
The thing to keep in mind is that when people ask you to do the impossible, and they have the power to force you to agree, IT IS NOT YOU WHO ARE THE FAILURE if it doesn' t work. It's bad teaching, bad parenting, and bad management to set people up to fail by giving them impossible tasks or goals they dont' have direct imput into. Setting weight outcome goals fails goal-setting parameters: you can't break them down into small achievable pieces and you can't directly control your weight. Setting behavior goals (eating, exercise, attendance, time commitment, effort) is setting achievable, measurable goals that can be broken down into a number of individual milestones.
If you can hold on to your own self-worth inside your head, or with a trusted friend, until you are in a better position, you win. And since it sounds like your issue is being underage, you know eventually you'll be of legal age and have a chance to be in a position of more power so you can choose for yourself.
When someone instructs us to lose weight, to shave, to straighten our hair, to get "in shape"
Thank you for this! I don't shave my legs. My skin is super sensitive and the only way I can get rid of my leg-hair is to have it waxed. Expensive and not fun, so I only do it when I wear a bathing suit-about once every other year-I only like swimming at the beach. It's funny, but unless the person is a kid, strangers are polite enough not to ask. My parents and some of my friends feel the need to ask when I'll get them waxed, as if I will. They just can't understand that unless I'm about to put on a bathing suit, I don't care! Having leg hair has not affected my dating life or sex life or work life one bit, so who cares?
I love you! You have no idea how much confidence you instill in me.
I don't mind bodily norms and I don't feel badly affected about them. I love my body and I think it's perfect, so you can stop assuming that you're speaking for 'everyone' when saying how they affect people. I also don't feel a pressure to be ultra-healthy in any way (however I have never enjoyed stuffing myself with food I know is no good for me – for example food with lots of 'E-numbers'). Point is that while something might affect you negatively, you still can't assume that the same goes for anyone (or everyone) else.
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Thank you so much, Lesley.
I have had it up to here on the answer to every problem I bring up being "conform and be rewarded!"
* extra taxes we pay as an unmarried couple – instead of repealing DOMA we should "stop being stubborn" and get married.
* can't find clothes I like? Lose weight.
* can't find clothes my partner likes? He should start going to the mall instead of the thrift store.
* can't find a good after-school program for our kid? He should behave better & cope better (he's 5) instead of expecting programs to include space for introverted or hyper kids.
* can't get through a familiy gathering without enduring criticism of my weight, family, housekeeping, politics, neighborhood, food choices – obviously my problem, right? It's not that these people can't be polite for 20 minutes at a time..
Lesley, I love you and don't even know you. You have it down. That applies to so many things, to feminism, to womanism, to everything that has to do with seeing how things really are and to not just accepting the "norm" or, my favorite, "ration."
Just say no. It made me tear up, and was what I needed when I didn't even know I needed it. <3
I suspect this will be labeled as a bingo-friendly response, but i wonder why there are not many smaller persons criticizing the cultural assumptions about bodies and weight? Is it more of a personal thing than for example racism?
Natasja, there are actually a number of smaller-bodied folks that are doing this. If you spend some time in the Shapely Prose archives, you will see a lot of them speaking there.
In my own life, I have at least two close friends that take part in these type of conversations. One is and underweight to normal weight woman who has no body issues or food issues, but just cares about justice. The other is a muscular, normal weight straight man who doesn't like getting picked on for thinking 300-500 pounds is the sweet spot for maximum sexiness in ladies.
Arent social norms necessary for a society to function?
Simple people need direction. If not religion then current pop-culture.
How else would the world go round?
P.S. I seem to be the only dude on here haha


text:
okay, but really. just as important as celebrating my irish-ness and eating a whole loaf of soda bread tonight is the fact that today is also...
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An upright piano, standing alone in the middle of nowhere, its keyboard inviting the fingers of people passing by.
Just how will humans respond?
Visitors to Santa Clara County's open-space parks are among the guinea pigs beginning this Labor Day weekend, part of a growing social experiment from San Francisco to Saratoga that places pianos in public places encouraging anyone to simply strike up a tune.
Or bang a small fist. Or roll their eyes and keep biking by.
Those were some of the reactions in regional parks Saturday, as the Santa Clara County Parks and Recreation Department launched its monthlong cooperative venture with a Berkeley piano shop and two multi-disciplinary artists promoting piano culture in an increasingly digital world.
On Saturday, birdwatchers, picnickers, bikers and trailer dwellers encountered the oddly placed instruments at four county parks. One was put under an oak tree, another in a grove, another at the end of a pier, the other near a playground.
When she noticed the Howard grand at Ed Levin Park Saturday morning, Wendy Hoang — a Tai Chi teacher from Milpitas — moved her Vietnamese and American picnic spread closer to the music.
"It's very cool, and I love it!" she said after her 13-year-old daughter, Gwen Vo, wandered back from tinkering with the keyboard.
The 25-year-old DC Pianos shop donated the turn-of-the-century uprights collected from Bay Area families as part of a project created by Artist Mauro Di Nucci — who uses the name Mauro ffortissimo — and filmmaker Dean Mermell.
The pair began their "Sunset Piano" project with a lone baby grand placed on a Half Moon Bay bluff on a foggy night in 2012. Each evening a Schumann Arabesque spilled out into the sunset.
The project grew to include a dozen more pianos dotting the nearby coastline, later San Francisco public spaces, and now regional parks in Milpitas, Alviso, Saratoga and Los Gatos. The pianos will remain in the parks at least through September.
The Sunset Piano project brings professional musicians, singers and poets to free cultural events at the piano sites — in some cases downscale neighborhoods "where some people have no home, let alone access to music," according to the project's website. In Santa Clara County's parks, the pianos invite players to look out over rolling hillsides and vast expanses of the bay.
Ethan Ton, 9, joining friends and family Saturday at the Sandy Wool Picnic Area, rushed over to test out his years of piano lessons. Ethan concluded that playing "when there's peace" was a gratifying experience.
Rolf Mall, 83, who worked in the state Fish and Game Department for 40 years and has been a bird-watcher for most of his life, didn't mind when someone batted out the "Mission Impossible" theme as he focused his binoculars at the baylands in Alviso — although he had come expecting bird songs.
Mall was not adverse to the piano project, but said he found it curious. "The music that I listen to are red-winged blackbirds singing," he said. "I'm not averse to listening to music here, but it's not something that would draw me."
Ihab Barghouti, a Santa Clara engineer out for his weekly bike ride, found the piano placed on a lonely outpost jutting into the bay a bit "strange." He said he came to the bayside expanse to "clear all the noise" in his head and replace it with the natural sounds of shorebirds and the wind whistling through marshland grasses.
But after mulling the merit of the project, he said he might not mind a little piano playing at sunset to accentuate the serenity of the spot.
Park ranger Connie Ralls hopes the instruments will be yet another lure for Silicon Valley residents needing a break from mobile devices, cubicles and cars.
She is also crossing her fingers that the pianos make it through the month unscathed.
"They're cultural objects, and I hope they'll be treated with respect by all our visitors," Ralls said. "I think they will."
Contact Andie Waterman at 408-920-5064. Follow her at Twitter.com/WaterAndie.


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The 12th Expert Working Group Meeting on the Safeguarding of the Cultural Landscape and Archaeological Remains of the Bamiyan Valley, Afghanistan will take place from 10 to 11 December in Orvieto, Italy. Uniting national experts and representatives from Afghanistan, representatives of the donors governments of Italy and Japan, and international experts from France, Germany, Italy, Japan, and representatives of UNESCO, the 12th Expert Working Group plans to assess the progress made on the range of field projects at the Bamiyan Valley World Heritage Property since the 11th Expert Working Group Meeting, in Aachen, Germany, December 2012. The 12th Bamiyan Expert Working Group has been made possible by the collaboration of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan, the Governments of Italy and Japan, the Italian Institute for Environmental Protection & Research (ISPRA), the Municipality of Orvieto, and UNESCO.
Experts and representatives attending the meeting will focus on the progress made in two major projects now underway in the Bamiyan Valley: the Italian Funds-in-Trust project for "Heritage Conservation, Development and Coordination in Afghanistan" and the Japanese Funds-in-Trust Project for the "Safeguarding of the Cultural Landscape and Archaeological Remains of the Bamiyan Valley, Phase IV". The niche housing the remains of the Western Buddha has seen emergency stabilization measures; conservation measures have equally been put in place for recently excavated archaeological remains and for Bamiyan's caves and mural paintings, with related training activities for Afghan experts; and advances have been made towards a management plan for the Bamiyan Valley. Reflections on the outcomes of these Bamiyan field activities—as well as on studies of the future conservation of Shahr-i Zuhak and Shahr-i Ghulghulah, and the development of a Bamiyan Museum—will provide the basis for participants' to draft the recommendations for the consideration of the related Afghan authorities on conservation and research priorities activities in the Bamiyan World Heritage site for the year to come.


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On March 11, this documentary was aired on French television (ARTE – French-German cultural tv channel) by French journalist and film maker Marie-Monique Robin. The in-depth film depicts how Monsanto, a gigantic biotech/agriculture corporation based in St. Louis, is destroying plant biodiversity around the world with genetically engineered seeds and, basically, endangering our future as a human race … I know that statement may seem a bit dramatic and paranoid, but the amount of control this corporation has gained over global food production should be illegal – oh, I forgot, why would the government make laws against itself? Monsanto is the government:
Former Monsanto employees currently hold positions in US government agencies such as the Food and Drug Adminstration and Environmental Protection Agency and even the Supreme Court. These include Clarence Thomas, Michael Taylor, Ann Veneman and Linda Fisher. Fisher has been back and forth between positions at Monsanto and the EPA.
Also note that Donald Rumsfeld earned $12 million from increased stock value when G.D. Searle & Company was sold to Monsanto in 1985.
If you feel as disgusted as I did after watching this movie do not hesitate to take action:


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So this year's been pretty fun with roadtrips. If you have been following our blog, you'll know we've been to Pune & Goa in the last 3 months, and most recently, that is last week, we decided to go to Baroda or Vadodra as people call it. Details of that trip are captured on this post. Do have a read, good people!!!
So Ekta has been in Baroda for a while. We have a house there & she had been inviting us there for some general chilling. Fortunately, the house was going to be empty, parents were vacationing in Kolkata so this was enough reason to go there & party!!! So last Thursday, Rachita, Vishal & me decided to drive down to Baroda in our trusty ride, the Skoda Laura aka Motilal. Also accompanying us on the journey there was Rachita's grandmom who needed to be dropped off in Baroda at Rachita's aunts' and her daughter's house. We started the journey from South Bombay in early hours of the morning, at about 4:30 am, & basis the fantastic roads and awesome weather, reached Baroda by in about 6.5 hours which was pretty awesome…
Reaching the house, we were greeted by Ekta who we think was in quite a shock as it was taking her a while to digest that we had actually made it there! In the past, there have been instances where in she has invited us there & for some reason or the other we haven't been able to make it. Anyways, there was some awesome dhokla & khaman awaiting us which we hogged. Also had a few beers to kick start the party, please note Gujarat is a dry state & thus Baroda also is encompassed within that law, though if you have a permit you can legally get Alcohol; the good news is that Ekta's dad has a permit :-). Post a quick nap, we moved to having Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks which was our drink of the trip i.e. Ekta's & mine. For dinner we went to Yoko's sizzlers had some good chicken sizzlers & starters & called it a day… Oh! before I forget, on reaching Baroda, Ekta & me went for a bike ride on her Royal Enfield fondly known as Goo after the game World of Goo. People in Baroda do not follow traffic rules & drive pretty crazy is what I learnt on my 1st bike ride in Baroda.
Day 2 kicked off in the morning early. The weather was absolutely brilliant so I decided to take Goo out for a ride. In about 10 minutes on the bike, I froze stiff the temperature was about 14 degrees, though on the bike, at about 60 kmph it felt like it had dropped to about 8 degrees & lower – was pretty crazy, but fun. Got back home & played some blues on my blue guitar (that was cheezy, the line, but wanted to use it so what the heck). Playing the guitar in the brilliant Baroda weather felt sensational. Post that, watched some NBA on TV the Clippers take on the Celtics; this game saw Clippers win their 16th game in a row which was totally awesome! Hands down currently the most exciting in the NBA is the Los Angeles Clippers.
Slept again for a bit, woke up to beers & general chilling with Vishal, Ekta & Rachita. For a brunch, we ate some puffs & biscuits from a local bakery called Goodies. For dinner, decided to go have Raju Omelet; this time around, we went to another location which apparently is being run by Rajubhai's brother who was the original cook for Rajubhai at the original flagship store. Yes, Raju Omelet has now got multiple branches! We ate some awesome egg preparations drowning in butter as you can see in the pictures! This time tried a new dish on the menu the Bhurji Wrap which was unbelievably delicious, diced egg bhurji & shredded boiled egg wrapped in an omelet floating in butter!!! Doesn't get better than that…
Day 3 was similar to 2. Started off playing the guitar, though in the chilly weather gave the bike ride a skip, watched TV & passed out while Ekta & Rachita went shopping; slept for a good 4 hours & woke up to the fact that Rachu & Eku had bought out the whole of Baroda! For lunch, Baingan ka Bharta was had (Eggplant Preparation); post that there was like a fashion parade where in the girls were trying out outfits – were generally super excited about the whole experience. I was watching TV, while Vishal had passed out for a bit. In the night, we were going to get a few buckets from KFC, though when we went to pick them up, we found out that the store was still closed and that they were planning on opening come new year. So, next to our residence is this quaint eatery called Midday Munchies, where we went and picked up wraps & pizzas. We went home, ate & passed out.
Day 4 started off watching UFC 155….. Junior Dos Santos being walloped by Cane Valesquez; lots of beers were drunk. Lunch was a severely gujju style Bajra ni Khichdi with Lasan Chutney & Buttermilk. After this, we decided to watch some crazy south Indian movies dubbed in hindi on Tata Sky; we watched 2 movies back to back 1 of them was brilliant called Return of Chandramookhi starring Maamooty, also note in the middle of the movie, we kinda got hungry so decided to go grab some food & record the movie. We went to this place called 22nd Parallel which serves awesome South Indian food. We didn't realise it was a Sunday evening when we left! The eatery was packed & we had to wait for about 20 minutes to get a table. Though, it was totally worth the wait as we ate some awesome Dosas, Wadas, Idlis, Rasam, Rice, etc. etc. Post getting home, we watched the recorded movie which was totally spectacular & went to sleep as Rachita & me had to head back to Bombay the next morning. Woke up again early & left by 4:30 am, I drove after eons for about half the journey & Rachita drove the other half; the roads & weather were super! Also add to that it was the 31st, so there was minimal traffic & we reached home by 11:00 am.
Woke up again early & left by 4:30 am, I drove after eons for about half the journey & Rachita drove the other half; the roads & weather were super! Also add to that it was the 31st, so there was minimal traffic & we reached home by 11:00 am. Overall, the Baroda trip was super awesome! For any of you planning a trip from Bombay to Baroda, I strongly suggest that you drive down; also the weather will be sensational till mid February so plan something soon. 2 places which are a must visit in case you are in Baroda – Raju Omlet & 22nd Parallel. Trust me, you wont be disappointed. Also here's wishing all our readers a very happy new year, have a lucky 13!!!


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In case you're wondering who Nini Panini is, she is one of my best buddies back in college.
We fancy almost the same stuff.
Warning: Old pictures are coming. Pardon for the quality.
Dining Out
Music Fests
Read more of it here: Bonding with Parolas
Hand Signs
Man boobs
Yep, we enjoy doing almost the same stuff.
Everyone knows that change is constant in this world. This year, we planned a lot of stuff to do but life got in the way. Nini had to go to an alien territory to do a secret mission.
Even without her presence, April and I did some of them to celebrate Nini's birthday.
823 Kitty Coffee Shop
I love Hello Kitty and I always tried to convince the gang to visit shops with themes associated with the character. To get to the shop, we rode a Tagum-bound bus from Davao City Overland Transport Terminal. It was a 2-hour ride. The fare costs $2.13 (100PHP). From Tagum Overland Transport Integrated Terminal, we rode a tricycle to Corner Abad Santos and Quezon Streets.
When we got inside, everything looks majestic.
This is the wall by the entrance. You can take pictures with the cute background.
The interior is just oh, so lovely.
They didn't leave out the bathroom!
They also sell merchandise.
The Food
We ordered the following
- Mango smoothie (Tall)
- Singaporean Spare Ribs
- Sweet and Sour Chicken Fillet
- Garlic Rice
- Mince Chix with Corn Soup
I initially thought that the food would not be good because maybe they have spent more time decorating the shop rather than planning their menu. That's where I went wrong.
Their food was very exquisitely delightful. Their mango smoothie is one of the best I ever tasted so far (I love mango shakes!). I can't get enough of their soup. I was still sipping some even after I finished the main course.
Aside from having great food, we were also surprised because the bill only amounted to $12.72 (595 PHP). We ended up with full tummies, but didn't get to spend as much as when we dine in Davao restaurants.
We then went to another 2-hour bus ride back to Davao.
The entrance already looks creepy from the outside.
To give you an idea of what MysterEscape is, it's a game where participants of 2-6 are locked up in a room filled with clues. They need to use those clues in order for them to escape. A story line is provided and a mystery needs to be solved. Once you solve it, you get to be placed in their hall of fame.
Through their online website, April made a booking for the The Haunting room. It's about a doctor who got beheaded inside a hospital and we need to find out who's the killer. There was an easy level, but she chose the difficult one.
Before going inside the room, you need to leave your items inside their locker. You don't need to bring anything with you. You will also need to sign a waiver: in case you die of a heart attack (Kidding!)
One of the staff will accompany you inside the room. In case it gets hard for you, you can opt to downgrade. The staff will then help you make it easier. You only have 1 hour to solve the case and escape the room.
Well, we ended up failing. They commended us though, because our progress was very impressive for first timers. I was really certain that we could have ended up escaping the room if Nini was there with us. 😦
Overall, we had fun. Happy birthday Nini! We miss you!!!
Thanks for reading. What popular-themed shops were you able to visit? Would you like to play an escape room game too? Let me know by commenting below.


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After those first two years in Oakland, DeClercq signed on with the Celtics in the summer of 1997 with the Evil Emperor at the helm. During his first year with Boston he'd start 49 of the 81 games he played in. He played Center with Antoine at the 4. The next season, 98-99, was the lockout shortened campaign. Andrew would play 14 more games for the Celtics before getting dealt for Vitaly Potapenko.
He'd go on to play a total of 1.5 seasons for the Cavs before being traded to the Magic in 2000 for Matt Harpring. He'd play 5 seasons for the Magic (including 3+ for Doc Rivers) before calling it quits.
Today Andrew is involved in many different things in Clermont, Florida, where he lives (no idea if this is near Windmere, Florida; if so please feel free to contact Michael Stewart who seems bored out of his mind).
DeClercq Basketball LLC, which involves camps for youngsters as well as individual training. (Be sure to check out that website. So what's uglier that or Zan Tabak's masterpiece?) He's the Assistant Boys Basketball Coach of Montverde Academy. He also promotes the HighPoint Church of Orlando which he helped get started. The story goes:
A discipleship relationship between Pastor Keith and then-Orlando Magic player and 10-year NBA veteran Andrew DeClercq grew into an outreach to Orlando's athletic community. As Magic teammates and other professional athletes responded to the Gospel, momentum began to build for a larger move of God. As the athletes began to reach out to their friends from the Orlando community, it became clear that God wanted to see a new church established. In July of 2005, Pastor Keith and Jennifer moved to Orlando and HighPoint Church was born.
No word on whether Michael Stewart can maybe land a job as a new pastor alongside Pastor Keith Tower.
For a list of all the "What the Hell Happened To" Series please click here. tb727 9/05/2010 12:02:00 AM Tweet Edit


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JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) Let's see if we get this straight.
In a decision just about everyone saw coming, golf's ruling bodies declared their intentions to outlaw putting strokes that are anchored to the body, which Keegan Bradley, Webb Simpson and Ernie Els used in winning three of the last five major championships.
It would not become a new rule for three years.
A few days earlier, the Royal & Ancient dropped the biggest post-Thanksgiving surprise since that Florida Highway Patrol report on a single-car accident involving Tiger Woods. It proposed alterations to half the holes on the Old Course at St. Andrews, including the front part of the green near the famous Road Hole bunker.
Work began in three days.
No matter your opinion on either subject, there is little disputing that 2012 was filled with significant changes. Perhaps it was only fitting that the PGA of America decided not to let the year end without picking a new Ryder Cup captain. It announced on Tuesday there would be announcement Thursday. On the ``Today'' show.
So what to expect for 2013?
The PGA Tour will end one season in September and start a new season in October.
The Web.com Tour will get more attention than ever with four tournaments in the fall that, in effect, replace Q-school.
The six rounds of Q-school that Erik Compton not-so-affectionately referred to as ``hell week'' will be missing this familiar phrase: ``If he makes this putt, he's on the PGA Tour.'' That's because the new version of the Q-school only awards a ticket to the minor leagues.
Instead of finishing the calendar year outside the Magic Kingdom, players will be going to Mexico. Adios, Disney.
Two of the biggest changes - the wraparound season and Q-school - were only a matter of time.
The demise of Q-school was brought on by the creation in 2007 of the FedEx Cup, and while players might not take time to understand the points, they understand four playoff events worth a total of $67 million in prize money and bonuses. Trouble is, that reduced the tournaments after the FedEx Cup to something called the ``Fall Series,'' with smaller purses, watered-down fields and minimal world ranking points.
The only way to keep those sponsors happy was to treat them like regular PGA Tour events. The only way to treat them like regular events was to give them FedEx Cup points. And they couldn't give FedEx Cup points without making them part of the regular schedule, thus the wraparound season.
Start in October, end in September. Win/lose the Presidents Cup/Ryder Cup. Repeat process.
And with the new season starting so soon, there was no time to award PGA Tour cards at Q-school. That's a big reason the tour went to the four-tournament series known as ``The Finals,'' to be played roughly the same time as the FedEx Cup playoffs.
The greater change will be anchored strokes, and the PGA Tour would do well to take a page from the Old Course and get started immediately.
The rule still has go to through a 90-day comment period before the USGA and R&A approved it, and because the Rules of Golf only change every four years, it would not be effective until the next book comes out in 2016.
There was talk that the PGA Tour could create its own rule and allow the putting stroke. What's more likely to happen is for the PGA Tour to create its own rule that bans the anchored stroke well before 2016 - like the start of the 2014 season, which will be in October of 2013.
It puts players like Bradley in a sticky spot. While it's perfectly legal to anchor the club now, everyone knows the end of the belly putter is near. It was difficult not to look at Bradley and Simpson differently after the proposed ban was announced, where before no one would have noticed and even few would have cared. TV can't ignore it, either, and is that really what the PGA Tour wants to hear from the booth for the next three years?
Bradley says a fan called him a cheater during the third round of the World Challenge at Sherwood, and the USGA rushed out a statement that condemned the comment as ``deplorable.'' It's surprising the USGA has waited this long to take on the fan who screams, ``Get in the hole'' when players tee off on a par 5 by reminding us there is no evidence of anyone reaching the green with a 575-yard tee shot.
Can someone like Bradley expect more of the same? Possibly. Just don't get the idea such comments will cause an unfair advantage.
Bradley thrives on this stuff.
He was asked after the round if the debate could actually help him because he was running out of chips to put on his shoulder.
``Absolutely,'' he said. ``You hear guys like Michael Jordan talk about how he liked to play on the road. The guy called me a cheater on the last hole - that gets me motivated. I'm never running out of stuff to motivate me because I always feel like I need to get better. I never go into a tournament thinking I'm playing so good that I'm going to win. Every single tournament I've won, I had a borderline meltdown on Wednesday. That's what keeps me going. It's just how I am.''
Don't get the idea Bradley lacks confidence. He thinks he can win every week. It just doesn't hurt to find motivation wherever he can, even from the gallery.
``I think it's one of my best qualities,'' he said.
As for St. Andrews? No need to panic just yet. The British Open doesn't return there for three more years.


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Disaster Recovery: Recovery Time ObjectivesBy Ericka Chickowski Print
After years of progress in disaster recovery and business continuity, advances are beginning to unravel in planning, communication and will. Is your company's risk management plan in line with the best practices in disaster recovery?
Not Meeting Recovery-Time Objectives
As the Grolsch example makes clear, integrating IT disaster-recovery and business-continuity planning is critical. So why is the gap between the two widening?
Business-continuity experts say the tightening economy is partly to blame. However, they believe bridging the divide between technical and business expertise is also a matter of motivation.
"I think the consistent problem is that the folks who are tasked with developing business-continuity management programs often have little to no technical skills," Deloitte & Touche's Sarabacha says. "The person in charge of disaster recovery just gets tired of explaining and discussing technical aspects with that person and kind of gives up."
No matter what the reason, the biggest way the gap can negatively affect an organization is by skewing RTOs (recovery-time objectives). According to Sarabacha, many enterprises are falling short when it comes to meeting RTOs. This is partly due to a lack of realistic expectations that stems from scarcity of communication between IT and business-side managers.
Often, a business will base its RTOs solely on the capabilities of its IT department to get things back up and running after disruption. These organizations fail to consider the logistics of resuming other business processes and operations, setting unrealistic objectives and failing to prioritize based on realistic expectations, notes Pelant, the disaster-recovery consultant.
"We're finding that recovery-time objectives now have gotten so short that only IT can meet them. The business side can't meet them," he says, explaining that some businesses might set a recovery objective of one hour for a certain business function. "But if you think about an hour's lapsed time, the time interruption evacuating the building, collecting your thoughts, and then relocating to an alternate site and then setting up and starting to renew operations, it's hard if you've only got an hour to do that. There's a real lag there on the business side in that if you really are going to effectively do that, you really have to have some type of an alternate operation in place─not an alternate site, but an alternate operation that can pick up the workload in that time frame, and that's not happening."
Sometimes, it isn't just the business side that lags, either. According to Sarabacha, business leaders who are out of the loop might also set unrealistic expectations that IT staffers cannot meet.
"We have several clients we help with testing of their disaster-recovery plans, and almost without exception, the results come out to be three, four and five times the duration expected," he says. "For example, we've got one where they [estimated a] 12-hour RTO for their critical ERP [enterprise resource planning] application, and it took 66 hours to bring it back up. That's something a business can understand. They might not understand why it took 66 hours, but they can understand that now they have got a problem."
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