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kitchen renovation complete
I think you've been waiting for these photos long enough, don't you? For those of you who don't know, we began renovating our kitchen early December. We rented the house for years until October, so we've been anxious for years to do this very thing.
It's taken weeks longer than we expected but it's safe to say we're done. I have several 'before' photos that I'm still gathering so I'll post those tomorrow but in the meantime this is the 'after'. It's so great to finally have a kitchen that represents us & how we live, and not some generic ugly contractor kitchen!
The last two weeks have been very dark and cloudy, every single day, so I waited for a day with some sun but it never came. These photos aren't my favorite but for now they'll do.
A little about our new layout. I've had this in mind for at least the last two years. A wall on the left for appliances and a big pantry cabinet. The middle wall with only the cooktop and a row of upper cabinets. The right side would end where the wall bends, giving just enough room for the sink.
Almost everything in the kitchen had to be moved-plumbing for the sink and dishwasher needed to be relocated. Electricity for the microwave and oven needed to be moved. A new outlet for the cooktop needed to be installed. But it was worth it to have our new appliances in the places we'd use them best.
My husband and I talked back and forth about the cabinet finishes and colors for a long while.
We considered light and dark stained wood cabinets with circular holes cut out of them instead of handles, all white everything, dark grey cabinets with wood herringbone counter tops, concrete or tiled floor OR features like an island in the kitchen with no upper cabinets or just a few open stainless steel shelves. Brass or chrome accents, slim handles or no handles at all.
In the end we decided that since the kitchen is in the middle of our house, sharing a space with our dining table and living room and a wall with the office, it was best to make it look like an extension of what we already had. We continued the same flooring and chose white cabinet doors, a white sink & faucet (because we wanted them to blend in) and matte white counters. To add a little bit of masculinity we chose flat black for the upper cabinet doors which also helps balance out the black cook appliances. We decided on push buttons so that none of the doors would have handles and asked that the upper doors be made a little longer so they could pull open underneath.
We chose some Ikea appliances because of their simple look but mostly because of their competitive warranties. Ikea offers a 5 yr warranty on kitchen appliances, which is more than most other retailers. The cabinets were custom made by a local carpenter. My husband installed the flooring but we hired professionals for all the plumbing and electrical work.
For those of you thinking of starting a similar reno. project-make sure to do some homework before you start. Compare and ask lots of questions and be incredibly thorough with those you work with. I found that many times if I did not specify the tiniest detail, people would simply default to whatever was 'standard' even if it may not be what we had wanted. I drew pictures, sent emails with photos, made phone calls and still mistakes were made. Also, if we could have moved out for a few weeks until this was done, we would have. Simply because living in a house without an oven or sink or place to prepare food is very challenging and I would not want to relive that part!
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27 comments:
love all the bright white! its beautiful!!ReplyDelete
Love the end result! Beautifully done!ReplyDelete
It was worth it. Enjoy. Tomorrow i feautured your jewelry over at the blog. Good night!ReplyDelete
It looks stunning! Really pretty! And I agree with you: doing a renovation means being able to explain what you want to the detail. But even when you do, it can go wrong. That is why we have been renovating for a few years now. We've been disappointed by people we've hired so we've decided to do almost everything ourselves.. I am glad we found some people that understand our standards in the end, but it was a struggle.ReplyDelete
It´s absolutely beautiful! Well done you two!ReplyDelete
Congratulations with your new and stylish kitchen :)
It looks fantastic & thanks for the tips xReplyDelete
This is gorgeous, Jen! Please come to Brazil and direct my renovations, yes? :)ReplyDelete
Lookin' good! I'm just planning a kitchen renovation with my boyf and we're also getting a black and white look - only the other way around, black cabinets below the working plane (probably wood) and white upper cabinets. ;) We also have one wall painted black already. But our kitchen is a lot smaller though.ReplyDelete
Thanks for the hint about the Ikea kitchen appliances, have to go and look at them before ordering anything!
Beautiful kitchen ! Totally love itReplyDelete
Thanks for sharing- I've been patiently waiting for the photos and I'm in love! Can't wait to see the before pics.ReplyDelete
Beautiful!! where did you get that round rug?ReplyDelete
Stunning! We love the clean chic look!ReplyDelete
Wow! Looks amazing!ReplyDelete
So excited to see these snaps - your kitchen looks absolutely lovely after the renovations! Must be such a relief to see the final product too :)ReplyDelete
looking so cool I love the black cupboards!ReplyDelete
It's so beautiful! Our kitchen need a renovation too...ReplyDelete
The kitchen is just amazing. Wow! And you pictures are so good that I bet these are going to be a pinterest-hit ;DReplyDelete
We just renovated our kitchen a year ago when we bought the house (omg, has it really been that long?!) and it's really fun to see what others are doing with theirs. A good and functional kitchen is such an important part of home!
Congrats on finishing the new kitchen. It's so modular and beautiful. Really loving how the sink blends in with the countertop.ReplyDelete
Wow, such a beautiful kitchen. Congrats!!ReplyDelete
Beautiful. Beyond my expectation. You are amazing.ReplyDelete
beautiful kitchen, very simple, wonder what type of counter top is it? Corian?ReplyDelete
Your kitchen is AMAZING! Your taste is Exquisite. Would you please share what kind of wood floors your husband installed? I would luv to tear out my tile floors and install something beautiful like yours.ReplyDelete
- AnonymousMarch 05, 2014
Wonderful kitchen! Can you please tell me where the marble try is from? I'm searching for such a tray for month!!ReplyDelete
I love the rug on the floor :)ReplyDelete
We may purchase a fixer upper so I've been looking at kitchens, and I remembered you did a lovely reno a while back so I looked up these photos. Can you say the material you used for the countertops and floors? Your floors are great and I know you installed those within the past few years as well. Long time blog reader :)ReplyDelete
Gorgeous kitchen!ReplyDelete
I love the floor tiles, what color are those, where did you find them?
Thank you for your comments, I love hearing from you!
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Lake Tahoe
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Planning a Lake Tahoe ski trip or just heading up for the day? See who got the most snow in Lake Tahoe, and view live ski conditions, snow totals and weather from the slopes right now with webcams from ski resorts. Get a sneak peek of your Lake Tahoe skiing destination with each cam stationed at various locations throughout your ski area of choice. Don't leave your perfect powder day to chance, see what the Lake Tahoe weather, ski conditions and snow totals really look like. Ski resorts provide OnTheSnow with cam feeds so skiers and riders can see what's happening on the slopes of their favorite Lake Tahoe mountain before heading up. OnTheSnow offers the most comprehensive database of Lake Tahoe ski webcams and skiing photos. Click a cam below to see a detailed view of that webcam and other cams from the ski resort, or visit our overview page for more about Lake Tahoe ski resorts.
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We have been proud to provide you with free access to snow reports, resort guides and more, and we are beyond grateful for your readership and contributions to our community over the years.
Unfortunately given the changing media landscape, Mountain News Corporation has experienced financial declines in recent years. With additional economic challenges from the COVID-19 pandemic now facing our business, it is not financially viable to continue operating.
Mountain News Corporation and our OnTheSnow and Skiinfo websites will be shutting down. We will explore the possibility of selling, partnering, or contributing assets to another media outlet if there is an opportunity to allow for a consistent or enhanced online experience. For inquiries about Mountain News Corporation, please email firstname.lastname@example.com.
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subset: commoncrawl


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As the online landscape becomes increasingly more competitive, marketers are finding that great content isn't just about what you say, but how content is presented as well. Content marketing that is injected with visually appealing images not only attracts readers to your message, but it helps to tell the story you're trying to convey.
Visually pleasing content, videos, eBooks, or graphics (to name a few) can make your customers feel a connection to your brand that they might otherwise not. This post shares examples from four consumer brands that have integrated visual content to help tell their stories, and engage customers.
#1 – Kraft Foods: Recipes For the Modern At-Home Cook
When many of us think of Kraft Foods a nostoligic picture of childhood favorites comes to mind. Whether it be Mac-n-cheese, Jello, or Kool-Aid we have all craved their products at one time or another.


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Let us pray in thanksgiving for the life of Fr. Charles A. Hofmann, SJ, who died on August 20, 2017, at Colombiere Center in Clarkston, Michigan. He was 84 years old. May he rest in peace.
Chuck was born on March 22, 1933 in Cincinnati, Ohio. He entered the Chicago Province of the Society of Jesus on August 8, 1957 at Milford, Ohio. He was ordained on June 9, 1966 at Bellarmine School of Theology in North Aurora, Illinois, and took final vows on February 2, 1981 at Jesuit Spiritual Center at Milford in Milford, Ohio.
Before entering the Society, Chuck earned a Bachelor's Degree and a Master's Degree in Chemistry from Xavier University. As a Jesuit, Chuck earned a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from California School of Professional Psychology in San Francisco, California (1975).
During Regency, Chuck taught English and chemistry at Colegio San José Arequipa in Peru (1961-1963). He was a student counselor at St. Xavier High School in Cincinnati (1968-1972) and, after finishing his studies, Chuck counseled many people as a clinical psychologist at: Loyola University Chicago Medical Center (1975-1978); Archdiocesan Consultation Services in Cincinnati (1978-1980); House of Affirmation in San Francisco (1980-1985); John Carroll University (1985-1993); Loyola University Chicago (1993-1995); Jesuit Institute for Family Life Network in Los Altos, CA (1995-2003); and based out of the Faber Jesuit Community in Cincinnati (2003-2015). In 2015, Chuck moved to Colombiere Center to care for his health.
Chuck could best be described as a man with a passion for learning. After retiring from a long and successful career in psychology and spiritual direction, most of his days were spent in researching materials on many topics on the internet and reading books in theology and psychology. He was particularly fond of the works of Richard Rohr and Ronald Rolheiser. He participated regularly in a centering prayer group in Cincinnati. Chuck was a fairly private man and did not talk much about himself. But he was an excellent listener and always had time for a good conversation. He took an interest in the activities of his fellow Jesuits and was eager to hear what was new in their ministries. He was a pleasure to live with in community.
Friday, August 25, 2017
4:00 - 7:00 p.m.
Prayer Service 7:00 p.m.
Colombiere Center
9075 Big Lake Road
Clarkston, MI 48346-1015
Saturday, August 26, 2017
10:45 a.m.
Colombiere Center
9075 Big Lake Road
Clarkston, MI 48346-1015
Burial Service
Immediately following the funeral


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Press releases
Nature pure and simple - Explore the Harz Mountains in the company of rangers
Press releases • Sep 06, 2017 15:36 CEST
The mountain wilderness of the Harz National Park, Germany, is home to more than 7,200 varieties of plants and animals. Some of these can be experienced on a guided ranger tour through the natural forested landscape . The starting point for the fascinating hikes is the Maritim Berghotel Braunlage, which is offering a special package of experiences for explorers of all ages.


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A blog to compile what I have learned (and what I am learning) about Mandriva (and GNU/Linux in general) since 2009, when I migrated. Current distros I'm using: OpenMandriva Lx 4, Mageia 7, PCLinuxOS, MX 19, PicarOS, Elive 3, and AntiX 13.
domingo, 9 de octubre de 2011
Different computer users, one common Linux complaint
Some other people belong to the opposite category: the power users. Their computer expertise makes them gurus and, therefore, the systems hold no secrets for them. My impression of these kind of people is that they speak binary code and can diagnose a computer problem rather effectively because they have more than one idea of what might have gone wrong.
There is a third group that frequently overlaps the two categories above. These people have developed skills to use several programs in a level that most computer users cannot, yet they lack the technical knowledge of power users. As a result of their expertise, they become sort of picky with their applications and the way in which their computer behaves. I call them gourmet users. This post here by Gene (ERACC) describes very well the difference between a power user and a gourmet user, whom he calls "niche user".
When the option to switch to Linux is presented, the nay-sayers of each group generally round up their reasons to something like this:
1. Simple users: (Without even trying it) "It's too difficult! It took me a lot of effort to learn to work with the computer and now I have to start it all over again?"
2. Gourmet users: "But if you cannot run ______________ (insert name of their favorite application), this is not good".
3. Power users: "Mmm. The thing is that I prefer to work with _______"(insert name of MS programming tool).
The basic issue underlying those claims is recalcitrance. Yes, those individuals are not willing to lean to work in a different way. Regardless of the arguments, unwillingness to learn is normally the bottom line, which is sad, because very rarely is it that learning something new hurts you.
I guess I fall in the gourmet user category. I decided not to jump into the MS Office 2007 wagon because I could use the previous version quite efficiently. Well, since the version I bought did not include PowerPoint, I had to learn how to use electronic presentation software in StarOffice. Additionally, I didn't like the Ribbon interface...and they killed "Linxs". To modify pictures, I used Satori (never liked Photoshop), not MS Paint. And I didn't use MS Movie Maker to produce videos, but VirtualDub. I required my OS to be able to handle Japanese input. Finally, I also wanted my OS to handle text-to-speech synthesis, to fire all sorts of alarms (music, alerts, actions) and to keep me protected from malware. I managed to learn how to do all that in Windows (with the obvious exception of the latter, which is virtually impossible). To do everything I required, the computer depended on many, many third-party programs to add functionality to the MS OS.
I never shy away from learning. That's the reason why migrating to Linux was not so difficult for me...not to mention that I found a friendlier environment in which all tasks I require from the OS can be performed more easily than in the MS operating system.
4 comentarios:
haha nice one! I guess I'm a gourmand as well.. ehh meant gourmet user xDResponderEliminar
Well truth be told, at home since I use one pc for MS windows and another for linux I have no problem turning the one I need on.
The only moment I have to choose is when I'm outside with my netbook and have to choose which to boot... But I've grown used to it. Sometimes I still get frustrated but I can say I'm not that much of a baby anymore bouncing from one place to another.
Very nice one, indeed! Now, what do you call a user who, because he/she is able to master a few applications, believes he/she is a power user but lacks the technical ability to understand the system a whole? :P These are probably the most reluctant to learn because they are full experts in their own eyes!ResponderEliminar
@ Megatotoro,ResponderEliminar
I call those SCUMs: self-conceited unrealistic minds, hahaha.
@ Fenrir,
I like your "gourmand" category! :D
I'm a little tired (drunk) right now. It's sunday night for me (after several beers). I didn't read carefuly your poste (lazy) but the overall I (think) understand... The best computer/OS I know is my car's ignitions or injection system. I don't even know if it is Unix, Novel, Bosch or ling-ling. But it is electronics, micro processor driven, and works fine: it boot fast in the morning and brings me back home every day.ResponderEliminar
P.S. I like your writing style and expected a few words about Jobs. My very first computer was an Apple ][.
It's the Ides of August!
In Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Roman general Julius Caesar is given an ominous message by the Soothsayer. The message is a simple warn...
I bought a new headset for my laptop two days ago. Since the store did not have many options available, I went for a Combat Argom Tech piec...
On Feb, 24, I upgraded my Fedora install from 27 to 29. Well, it turns out that Fedora 30 was released two days ago, so I decided to upgrad...


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Largemouth bass virus found in northern snakeheads
Snakeheads could be capable of transmitting the pathogen to other fish in the Chesapeake Bay.
by Catherine Krikstan
August 13, 2013
A virus that can cause disease and death in largemouth bass has been found in otherwise healthy northern snakeheads taken from two Virginia waterways. According to the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS), the finding raises the possibility that northern snakeheads could be carriers of the pathogen, capable of transmitting it to other fish in the Chesapeake Bay.
The pathogen, known as the largemouth bass virus, has been found in bass, sunfish and other members of the freshwater sunfish family, but largemouth bass are the only fish known to develop disease from it.
The largemouth bass virus appears to attack the swim bladder, causing fish to lose their balance and float near the surface of the water. According to the Virginia Department of Game and Inland Fisheries, the virus has been found in waters across the state, but its impacts are often short-lived and largemouth bass can build up resistance to the disease.
While the pathogen doesn't seem to affect the health of northern snakeheads, the habitat of this invasive fish often overlaps with that of largemouth bass, which may favor transmission of the virus.


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Droves of doughy promise makers are expected to pack health clubs this week — part of the usual January pilgrimage to try to shed pounds — but some guys fresh to the sweat-soaked scene are destined to lose something else: their steely-eyed resolve.
Visions of puffed pecs and bulky barbells slung like bottles of water by members of their own gender can, for many men, quickly torpedo New Year's pledges. Other males, meanwhile, simply vow to avoid entirely, they admit, what they imagine to be hubs of testosterone on parade.
Call it gym intimidation: a phenomenon not openly discussed among many non-flexing fellas – yet possibly a trend on the rise. In January, Nautilus will launch a new home-exercise tool designed solely for men. Meanwhile, Nautilus topped a recently published Forbes Magazine list of the best 2012 sports stocks (with an annual growth of 106 percent), and company officials cite, in part, the growing preference among males to pump up in private.
"More men are starting to work out at home," said Nautilus spokesman John Fread. "When you're going to that gym, especially if you've never been before, you've got body comparisons. Women do it. Men do it.
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"You're looking at those people around you who may have already achieved their fitness goals, and that's a really intimidating thing," Fread added. "Walking into a space with mirrors all the way around sort of reminds you that maybe you're not where you want to be."
Luke Orlando, once a lanky, high school tennis player in Texas, admits he has "experienced gym intimidation, sometimes to the point where I refrained from going at all." In fact, when Orlando earned his driver's license at age 16, one of the first things he intended to do was drive to a nearby health club to buy a membership. It took him nine months to make that trip. In the meantime, he hoisted weights in his garage.
"I've always been really skinny. I wanted to be bigger," said Orlando, 18, today a student at the University of Texas. "I didn't feel like I could go to the gym unless I met this minimum threshold — this unspoken threshold you needed in order to work out at the gym. I thought that you needed to be able bench (press) a certain amount before it wouldn't be embarrassing."
The bench-press goal he devised: 150 pounds.
But after a football-playing buddy accompanied Orlando to a public gym and walked him through several sets of exercises with weights, he began to feel more comfortable with the routine and the culture. He became a gym regular. Two years later, Orlando said he's packed 45 pounds of muscle (175 pounds total) onto his 6-foot-1-inch frame.
The type of health club you frequent (or want to try) also can boost or lessen the intimidation factor, said Walter Meyer, a San Diego-based author who hits the gym in his home town and while on book tours.
"I also have friends who have the fear that if they are not bench pressing Volkswagens, the other guy at the gym will look down on them," Meyer said. "I think there are many gyms in which that may be the case, (like) the serious weightlifter gyms.
"But at most chain gyms – I belong to both 24 Hour Fitness and LA Fitness – no one cares," Meyer added. "Perhaps if there are more women present, there is less testosterone. But also I think if more of the crowd is into casual fitness rather than body building, they are less likely to pay enough attention to resent your taking up space to curl five-pound dumbbells."
Of course, women also weather waves of intimidation while in the gym and, according to a recent study, some young women try to compensate for that by purposely exercising close to females who appear to be less fit by comparison.
"The feeling of intimidation is likely quite similar for men and women, varying in intensity, of course, depending on how extreme the (negative, self-assessing) thoughts become. But the triggers can certainly be different," said Dr. Simon Rego, director of psychology training at Montefiore Medical Center/Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York.
Categorizing fitness-center fears by gender alone is tricky, he added, because how males and females see themselves is often influenced by culture, family and the role models in their lives.
"I would also predict that both genders would prefer to exercise near less-fit people," Rego said, "as making this type of comparison is often a useful coping strategy for dealing with difficult feelings and to help tolerate the things we can't immediately change," like our size and shape.
"People are often their own worst critics. In other words, while they may be viewed as 'intimidating' to others around them (due to some attractive part of their physical appearance), their own thoughts about themselves (and certain pieces of their own bodies that they dislike) could still lead them to feel self-conscious or intimated by others. It's not about reality - it's about what we think that shapes our reality."
© 2013 NBCNews.com Reprints


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The Winners are Dead: Contextualizing Eating Disorders
By Lesley | January 5, 2011
NB: Y'all know I never do trigger warnings, but since I know recovery can be a bitch, I am laying one out this time: this post discusses eating disorders and pro-ana/thinspiration.
The above paragraph from my post on Monday has been making the rounds on Tumblr.
I could have predicted it. Sometimes I think 90% of my writing is just packing peanuts cushioning one really solid and meaningful quote, and I have to write in all that other stuff to deliver the important bit in a single cohesive piece. Though I am hardly the first person to express the paradox described above, it makes me happy to see folks absorbing it and passing it along. This is one of those ideas that is invisible until the moment someone points it out to you. After that, it become obvious, inescapable; it cannot be unseen. It's an a-ha moment, a click, a revelation. So it's not a surprise to me that folks would respond to it.
And it's not even a surprise, really, that it should also find its way onto a thinspiration or pro-anorexia feed. Or two, or more, by now, perhaps. For those unfamiliar with the notion, pro-anorexia (often shortened to pro-ana) is an ideology that believes eating disorders to be a legitimate lifestyle choice and not necessarily damaging. Though the shorthand specifies anorexia, it is generally applied to any eating-disordered behavior. Lazy thinkers will often attempt to link fat acceptance communities with pro-ana ones as equally irresponsible and dangerous movements. It might seem like a neat and tidy thing, to build a spectrum with extreme fatness and extreme thinness on either end, in a perfectly-balanced analogy. The problem is that anorexia (and other EDs) is a behavior, not a body type, and fat acceptance does not systematically advocate for overeating, which would be necessary for the analogy to work. That said, what pro-ana groups do share with fat acceptance communities is finding beauty in body shapes considered ugly by conventional standards, as well as a desire for full bodily autonomy, unrestrained by well-meaning interlopers. But there the similarities end.
If the comments to Monday's post have revealed anything, it is that eating disorders are complex and convoluted, in spite of widespread assumptions about EDs being the exclusive province of skinny teenaged white girls from comfortable socio-economic backgrounds. These assumptions work to minimize the reality that most of us who grow up female in American culture will first learn disordered eating patterns far younger than we'd like to admit, and that this is a problem across race, class, gender, and age. It is a cultural problem. It is a social problem. It is a problem we all face, at one time or another, whether it happens to us or to someone we know.
As animals we eat — we need to eat. Food, like oxygen, is required for our survival. We cannot ever get away from that. It's a need we'll never overcome, an urge we'll never escape. We eat. Our bodies drive us to eat even against our will. We can make a stand and defend it ferociously — I am disciplined, and I will not eat anymore. Or I will eat barely anything at all. Or I will eat only when I have consciously decided that it is acceptable for me to eat, and then I will eat what I have consciously decided is permissible for me to ingest, in an amount that looks appropriate to whatever intellectual standard I have devised. I will not allow my petty physical urges to rule me. But we will always need to eat.
Self-induced starvation may be a symptom of an eating disorder, but it is not just that, nor is it a funhouse-mirror distortion of "healthy" habits. It is an accurate reflection of our culture around eating and food. We feel its pressure everywhere we go. It touches every one of us, this compulsion toward control, this unwillingness to trust our hunger, to have faith in the ability of our bodies to govern themselves, and to live in concert with our needs. Our bodies are anarchists (we think)! Our bodies are out to destroy us, by accumulating fat we don't want, by putting it in places we'd rather it not go, by constantly demanding food, care, attention, nourishment, energy that we can't spare. Our bodies are wild horses to be broken, to be saddled and bridled and worn down. Our nature is chaotic and not to be trusted. Managing this requires constant vigilance, and never "letting go" — never ever can you "let yourself go". While our bodies are demanding food, our culture is educating us on the terrible dangers of allowing our needs and desires take their own course, and on the moral implications of failing to keep them in check.
Pro-anorexia does not read to me as an inscrutable horror — pro-anorexia makes perfect sense in the context in which we all live and eat. We live in a pro-anoretic culture. Enormously popular shows like The Biggest Loser (and its multitudes of weight-loss reality-TV offspring) reward those who cast all caution to the wind in a single-minded effort to be thin. The news media reminds us daily — literally daily! — to flee from fatness in screaming terror and to embrace lifelong dieting patterns and broken relationships with our bodies, all in the name of health. While individual ED sufferers have individual circumstances, eating disorders at large are the wages of a culture that works diligently to build an uncrossable chasm between our intellectual selves and our physical selves. They are the product of overwhelming pressure to meticulously defend our bodies against our own needs. This pressure breaks us, in the head. It takes the normal impulses for eating and hunger and shatters them into a thousand unrecognizable pieces.
When I say that pro-anorexia makes sense, I am not advocating for anorexia, nor for any disordered eating patterns. I would no sooner advocate for starvation than I would for compulsive overeating. In fact, I feel roughly the same way about pro-ED behaviors as I do about weight-loss surgery — I think they are a bad idea. I think they are deeply harmful. I refuse to listen to others promote them, and I do not allow them to be promoted in the tiny cultural spaces I control, such as this blog. But I also understand that people will take that path, and I do not shun, shame, or ostracize those who do. It's a difficult and complicated world, too much so to shut out those folks who might benefit from a little compassion.
Our reaction, socially, to eating disorders tends to be one of fear and disgust. But this is what we've wrought — this is our own work, whether we support it directly by participating in diet culture, or whether we allow it to take place by passively remaining silent. We are responsible. How dare we recoil in pathologizing horror from our own reflection? By making eating disorders shameful, we isolate the very people who are in greatest need of support.
In response to Monday's post, reader Holly commented, in part:
"Having an eating disorder is an isolating, disorienting, often terrifying experience. And while ultimately I can only speak for myself, I am comfortable assuming that being fat amplifies many aspects of this experience. Being fat with an eating disorder means being forced, again and again, to confront the fact that society hates you when you are at precisely your most vulnerable. Being fat with an eating disorder means being denied treatment, being denied empathy. It means waving your hands in the air, begging for a life preserver, and getting a "thumbs up" instead. For me, it's meant a line of therapists and doctors declaring that I must have Binge Eating Disorder before one word about food had passed my lips, yet dismissing me completely when I admitted to restricting and purging. It's meant being medically hospitalized with rock-bottom potassium levels and an arrhythmia after purging 10-15 times a day for months on end – bankrupting myself and practically failing out of college – yet being told 2 days later on the ED unit that I was "all set to go home in a couple of days." It's meant losing half of my body weight and receiving only compliments, not once being asked how or why. It's meant losing my gallbladder after a crippling attack of pancreatitis, and being asked by the ER doctor if I was an alcoholic, not whether I had recently lost a large amount of weight. It's meant being referred to Weight Watchers minutes after telling a new doctor about my history. It's meant knowing, from the beginning, that I was in a good position to "get away with it" because no one suspects the fat girl. It has played a huge role in keeping me sick."
A culture that supports weight loss by any means necessary is a culture that supports eating disorders. It is a culture that supports the sickening and weakening of us all, in the name of improving our health, the very thing that we sacrifice. It instructs us either to succeed or be destroyed by the effort.
To some extent, eating disorders are a compulsive urge to control the uncontrollable — one might as well try to lasso the ocean. At a certain point, past denying, past deprivation, we don't have intellectual control over our bodies any longer. No matter how hard we try, no matter how fierce our conviction. We don't have control. The only way to win the fight with our bodies is to die. The winners are the ones who are dead. They are the ones who have triumphed, decisively, over the needs of their bodies, forever.
We can heal by coming to accept that surviving in concert with our bodies and our needs — our valid, justifiable, legitimate needs — is the healthiest way to live. But ultimately, the cure is to fix our culture, to repair the toxic world in which we all live. Changing culture sounds like a huge and impossible task but it's not, and in a world that is beginning to encourage parents to put their infants on diets, something has to be done. We can't go on starving ourselves, and starving each other, and expect anyone to survive.
48 Comments
You are so fucking amazing.
I wish I had written this.
Ditto this. Mind = blown.
"A culture that supports weight loss by any means necessary is a culture that supports eating disorders. It is a culture that supports the sickening and weakening of us all, in the name of improving our health, the very thing that we sacrifice. It instructs us either to succeed or be destroyed by the effort."
Yes, exactly. Yes! Better to die trying to be thin than to live fat.
Our bodies are wild horses to be broken, to be saddled and bridled and worn down. Our nature is chaotic and not to be trusted. Managing this requires constant vigilance, and never "letting go" — never ever can you "let yourself go".
Which is where ED and diet culture intersect with gender issues and religion (and the intersection of gender and religion given the role organized religion has played in casting sexuality as something evil and dangerous and sinful). Sexuality is dangerous, it must be controlled at all times, never can you let loose, especially women. At various points in history womens' sexuality has been assumed to be almost barbaric in its insatiability, justifying oppression of women to protect society. That thinking bleeds into the negation of female sexuality, an attitude that was common in the public discourse (if not private reality) of the Victorian "cult of true womanhood" era where sex was relabeled "having babies" and the idea that women would ever want sex was preposterous, even though a lot of people were having sex throughout that period of time.
I think a lot of the fervor on the anti-abortion side of that argument has a lot to do with this, with people who still believe that sex is dangerous and you can't give an inch or it'll cause havoc. Women in particular need to be curtailed and anything that helps free them (like abortion or birth control pills) has to be eradicated.
There's no way to prove this but I have to wonder (and I know I'm hardly the only person to ever mention this) if the increase, or apparent increase, in diet fervor in the second half of the 20th century is a response to the sexual revolution. When you can't contain women through repressing them sexually, you go after the body, and the mind. *sigh*
Devestating and thought-provoking as usual. You hit every nail on the head. How do you continually manage to do that?
Heart broken for Holly.
What saddens me is that the cultural conception/accepted definition of an eating disorder has become such that most fat people I know would automatically dismiss this article as not being applicable to us- we've been culturally conditioned to disregard our own symptoms.
I've been putting off getting a checkup because my cholesterol was 'a little higher than usual' six months ago and I was ordered to get it down and come back 6 months later to see how I've done. Since I've put on about 20 pounds since then (mostly due to stress from having lost my job/changed to a new job/moved houses while collecting unemployment, causing high financial strain necessitating me dropping Weight Watcherse – and, of course, the fact that I consciously decided not to focus on or stress out about what I was putting in my mouth) I highly doubt that my cholesterol will be in any better shape now, and I don't want my (thin, blonde, beautiful – not her fault, but!) doctor to scold me or dimissively lecture me yet again that my problems can be solved by losing weight. Relatedly, I menstruate twice a year and have symptoms of PCOs, which my (overweight) mother and (thin) sister also share, and when I mentioned this to my doc, she said, "Yes, you probably do, losing weight will help" – and that was the end of that.
And my experience is on the friendlier end of the scale. I still like my doctor, I have seen her in the last year. My best friend, who weighs over 400 pounds, has not been to a physician her entire adult life. HER ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. Because she's afraid of the scolding/lecturing/dismissiveness that she received in her adolescence will continue. And she's right.
We deny ourselves care, we're denied care, it's really quite horrifying.
Tavie, please find a doctor that will take your symptoms of PCOS more seriously. It's important for you to have regular periods. If you don't, you may become more prone to endometrial cancer later in life.
There are things you can do to help PCOS that don't necessarily involve losing weight. HAES, including regular daily exercise, is a big part of it. It might also include metformin and being careful about carb intake….not restricting to lose weight, mind, but just being mindful of it so as not to exacerbate symptoms.
But first you need a doctor who will really take your concerns seriously and not make it all about losing weight.
This is such a moving piece, and really nails the reality that disordered eating is absolutely encouraged in fat people, even though it is ultimately destructive. You are right – you only win when you die. This is a tragedy, and I am proud to be a part a community that refuses to play that game anymore. Thank you for writing this!
This is an amazing post. Thank you for it.
I had an eating disorder because it made sense to me. I got involved in pro-ana because it made sense, was just this progression that seemed perfectly natural. Even now, when it's been almost 10 years since that time, it still does and it's something that I think I'll always struggle with. People seem to want to separate the eating disorder, like I caught the flu but now I'm all better. Like the eating disorder just happened to me out of nowhere.
Our bodies are wild horses to be broken, to be saddled and bridled and worn down. Our nature is chaotic and not to be trusted. Managing this requires constant vigilance, and never "letting go" — never ever can you "let yourself go". This, so much. It has taken me so damn long to stop thinking like this all the time. I still can't say that I never think like this.
It sickens me to hear conversations, read magazine articles, etc in my daily life that sound just like those on the eating disorder ward, or the pro-ana forums. And people don't realize it, or don't admit it. This culture is sick, but it's easier for people to say she is the one who's sick, there's nothing wrong with us.
pro-anorexia (often shortened to pro-ana) is an ideology that believes eating disorders to be a legitimate lifestyle choice and not necessarily damaging.
Yeah, that has become the dominant code, folks only get upset when the susceptible succumb, i.e. full blown anorexia, then its unseemly.
I sympathize with pro-ana, because I can understand the utter exhaustion of the soul that can come with battling an eating disorder without knowing or being able to turn it off at the source of it.
That's true of battling with any powerful urge in this way, whether its hunger or sex drive, sexuality etc.,
The FA is opposite to it is the belief that all fat people have compulsive/binge eating disorder. If there is a polar opposite its probably certain aspects of feederism, which is also seen as what FA is.
DRST has a point-exchange of sexual appetite for hunger and appetite. That comes out of the over emphasis on rationality, certainly to the exclusion of all other forms of thought feeling or reason.
The dominance of the rational over the 'irrational', i.e. our strongest appetites, is supposed to see humankind rise to its highest of heights.
Total B.S. You are implying that control over one's body = unhealthy, neglectful living. Neglecting nourishment, food, etc.
Bullshit. There is a space on the spectrum that allows for control over your body and maintains health. A place that stops short of anorexia but also prevents one from becoming a fat fuck. This is the place a majority of society advocates.
This place is quite damaging to you, polemically. So I can see why you would choose to ignore it in your tortured intellectual gymnastics.
Total B.S. You are implying that control over one's body = unhealthy, neglectful living. Neglecting nourishment, food, etc.
Actually that is society's view in a nutshell. I was going to say it was your view but you don't have one, you do as you are told like the obedient little soul that you are.
So full of health and yet so full of piss and vinegar. Perking up healthwise used to mean feeling uplifted, joyfully wanting to spread that good cheer, the distance you and your kind are from that, shows the truth of your own self abuse.
Poor you.
Your rage is against your own unacknowledged attack on yourself.
I have control over my body. AND I AM STILL FAT. Yet, the fact that I've lost the so called healthy 15% of my body weight is absolutely WORTHLESS because I am still perceived, as "a fat fuck" and thus I am still perceived as the paragon of unhealthiness.
And to the notion that we don't encourage weight loss to the point of mental illness FUCK YOU. As an anorexia survivor who was actually ENCOURAGED by my doctors to KEEP LOSING WEIGHT despite all the clear cut signs of anorexia (weight loss, amenorrhea, etc), with all the comments from people commenting that they wish that they could catch whatever disease I got to lose weight, let me be the first so say YOU KNOW NOTHING LITTLE MAN.
I often feel that being fat with an eating disorder is to be robbed of parts of your own experience. To be silenced to the point where you start to doubt that it's even happening to you. How can something thoroughly destroy your life when noone else sees it? For me that's the worst part because it prolongs suffering by making it invisible and refusing its existence.
Because obviously there is nothing wrong with you as long as you're losing weight.
To spare us from having to look at your crazy, out of control body that you can't even get into a proper size 2–UGH SO NASTY.
Really, this is why I stopped dieting. My mom still voices her various disapprovals of me when I visit home–I don't even think she knows where it's coming from, and most people don't bother to look at it beyond "well hey, dieting and being thin is good! Fat=Bad! Don't wanna be fat, because no one else wants me to be fat." They don't stop to think why being fat is bad, or why being thin is good, they don't think about the punishment they put themselves through on juice fasts or grapefruit-only diets, they simply push, single-mindedly, towards thinness, which is always better.
and on Drst's writeup:
I always joke about "religion hates me". This is why. Not because I have sex when I want–but because I eat when I want, and I am not constantly starving myself. I represent, to some amount, that out of control female who can't keep her eating/sexual habits in check, I am doing something wrong, wrong, wrong, to be this fat and it is my refusal to go to church to be "redeemed" by sky daddies that makes me an evil human.
Anyone who already has an issue with religion, I recommend you read it.
When I was 13, I was in a Star Wars club, and I was interviewed for the paper. I was a size 13, and I weighed 140 pounds. Knowing what I now know (I work in medical research &c &c &c) it was probably very normal, since shortly thereafter I ended up going from a B to a D cup, and before that I had been very thin.
But my family freaked. My grandmother was diabetic and I was taught to hate fat. I was taught to harangue my dad until he went on a crash diet, so sometimes I feel this was my fault even though I was 7 when I did that and a 7 year old shouldn't know what a diet was, but at 7 I would ask for Weight Watchers frozen dinners. 🙁
So I started doing this thing where I'd eat only an apple (maaaybe 2) and drink tea until after school was out. And then have a salad for dinner. And I'd dance for 2-3 hours a night, every night. (I liked dancing. I still do. And it was just as good as TV at shutting out the kids who teased me for being a geek and the alcoholic parents and their drama.)
My parents actually thought this was GRAND.
You know how this story ends. I starved myself down to 127 pounds, which doesn't sound very impressive, but you could see my ribs. (I had a bone scan done a few years ago–my bones are heavy and thick. I have thick muscles in my legs and even at 127 I had to wear 'wide calf' boots.) My head looked too big, like one of those aliens that are supposed to come down from UFOs and abduct cattle and housewives.
I restricted for years. And then I got really, really sick. (But nobody ever thought of it as an eating disorder, because I weighed 127 pounds and wore a size 9! I was beautiful!)
I had long lists of things I couldn't eat, you know. Eventually I did develop loads of food sensitivities, ironically.
Well, I got fat. I don't actually think that would have happened if I'd been willing to, you know, let myself GROW UP at 13-14-15.
My parents urged me to go back on the program. (Also, there is always something wrong with what I eat. My father could never stand that I had low, low cholesterol while eating butter and cheese and refusing to eat 'low fat' varieties because they're gross. He can't stand that I like rare meat instead of slathering the leather he ate–man, I keep forgetting he's dead, and also, I really did love him, I want you to know that, we were geeks together and all, but–in ketchup and A1.)
Every time I've dieted (or been really broke or sick and lost weight) I've gained it all back. And then some. And doctors tell me that this is the cause of problems I've had since I was 15 and anorexic (until I tell them that I had those problems then) like arthritis (dance injuries) and asthma.
Lots of things happened. In my early 30s I got rebellious and started shoving everything in my mouth out of rebellion and attracted a husband who called himself an FA but was really an abusive feeder. I got a lot fatter. I got divorced.
There were a few times in my life when I was eating normally and exercising because I liked it and I was around 150-180 lbs. Probably where I would have ended up if I hadn't intervened.
In the past couple years, I've actually been properly treated for the things that are wrong with me, and while I did make some lifestyle changes, I haven't really 'dieted' much at all, and the funny thing is that I started to lose weight WITHOUT trying to. If I am honest I must say that I like wearing more clothing styles and shopping more easily and all. I also really hate that I feel better about myself because I am smaller and that I am so scared of tapping back into that headspace where smaller isn't small enough that I talk about it ALL THE TIME some days.
If I end up stabilising around 150-180 lbs, I'm going to laugh and laugh and laugh.
A few years ago my father asked me angrily why I didn't want to look like I did on my (first) wedding day. He would never replace those pictures of me with current ones. Fat ones. Until I got married again and my stepmother made him because it was disrespectful to my current husband.
The first time he asked me that I tried reasoning. I told him how sick I was, I showed him pictures of my huge head on my little body, I asked him if he thought ribs were hot.
Finally, I just said, "If you want a Barbie so badly, let's go to Toys r' Us and I'll buy you one."
I wish I'd said that when I was 13? idk. but that was the end of that conversation forever between me and him.
Dude, I'm at work. I'm not supposed to be tearing up.
So thoughtfully, beautifully written. Brava. Yes and yes and yes. I wish I had one inkling of your talent. (Or Holly's for that matter. Sister is BRAVE.)
This is a bit OT, but Lesley, I just want to tell you that your responses to people who disagree with you (both outright trolls and otherwise) are my favorites in all of the internet. You always sound so *reasonable*, even when it's probably really difficult to write a non-angry response, and when no one would fault you for just handing the commenter hir own ass. It's damn impressive.
/ends derail
Thank you so much. I had bulimia and at my worst I wanted to get help but (although I was average weight) I felt to fat and that I did not deserve help. I was eating huge amounts of food and purging several times a day. I knew I couldn't do it alone but I thought any ED therapist would not take me seriously.
I still struggle with the ED but I am making progress. I am trying intuitive eating because I want to be able to trust myself. I no longer like the feeling of being stuffed. It is no longer the opposite of deprivation to me.
Lesley, the most amazing thing about your self-quoted paragraph is that anyone finds it amazing. But then, there are people who think that weight charts are supposed to apply to individuals, rather than aggregate populations.
And we all know that Tom Brokaw is a "fat fuck" at heart, renting the body of a thinner man, and posting to Fatosphere boards to keep himself motivated. "Oh look, the fatties hate me; I must be doing something right!" (Not making this up, he has indicated such on other boards.)
Oh, and don't worry about the "packing peanuts" style of writing, Lesley. It's a useful skill, especially when writing those reports and essays in college history and literature classes.
As animals we eat — we need to eat. Food, like oxygen, is required for our survival. We cannot ever get away from that. It's a need we'll never overcome, an urge we'll never escape. We eat.
You and I were on the same wavelength this week!
Of course the day after I made that post there was another panicked article about 12-year-olds damaging their health due to dieting. That people refuse to make the connection between that and our fatphobic society – as though somehow all the ads and diet shows and magazines are only visible if you're An Evil Fattie [definition subject to change on whim] and no one else can be affected by them ever.
Thank you, Lesley. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for the trigger warning, which I took under advisement; I steeled myself for this, and it was hard to read, but I am so, so glad I did.
What commenter @L said really resonated with me, too. It took me a long time to claim my experiences as anorexia. I never lost my period, or experienced symptoms of anemia or any other major physical health complications. I never got into the "normal" BMI range, and there's a part of me that still thinks that sentence should read "I never even…" But I wasn't eating. I don't even know when it stopped being just a diet and started being an eating disorder–was it when I stopped eating lunches? When it was I started thinking about (though never actually) purging?
I was never diagnosed and I was never treated for an eating disorder–because even at my smallest, I was still a slightly pudgy thirteen-year-old. I became severely depressed, too severely to hide, and I went to a psychiatrist and started taking Zoloft and suddenly none of my stupid tricks were working and I was hungry all the time and I didn't hate myself enough to eat anymore. And it took me an absurdly long time to realize how absurdly lucky I'd been.
Commenter @Mulberry said the only thing about this that's amazing is that anyone thinks it is. The thing that amazes me is that despite how much "feminist deprogramming" I've engaged in for the past several years, despite how much I've learned from the feminist blogosphere and how much I can now see that I couldn't before–the thought that eating disorders are the logical outgrowth of a diet-obsessed culture had not yet explicitly occurred to me. So thank you, Lesley, for stating the obvious (as it were).
I have to say that the way you phrased some of the post led me to believe that you were saying self-control of the body in all forms was bad.
It's funny how the expectation of control trumphs the reality of anarchy.
another brilliant analysis, very little chaff.
What I find disturbing about diet culture is the persistent idea, that you so brilliantly described, is the idea that we must be restrained and contained for our own good.
This mindset make our wants and needs bad (food needs) but how far does this extend? To our sexual needs, our emotional needs, etc. My needs are not bad. Wanting to eat seems perfectly normal.
I also want to add, getting to FA through blogs like this has allowed me to embrace more of my appetites and needs, food and otherwise. I feel so much more FREE than before, free to actually be myself.
thank you
There are more women in the United States with eating disorders than there are with breast cancer.
I read that somewhere and thought that couldn't possibly be correct. But it is. Right now, there are approximately 10 million women in the U.S. with eating disorders. There are approximately 3 million with breast cancer. Let that sink in for a moment. There are three times as many women in the U.S. with eating disorders are there are women with breast cancer.
Now, breast cancer is a serious disease. I am not going to criticize fund-raising or awareness campaigns. But how many of us know the ribbon color for eating disorder awareness?
It's true. The girl I met with the worst eating disorder of anyone I've ever met? Size 20 Australian (approx 16-18 US) – not size 2, or size 4. Chronic, chronic bulimic, hospitalised numerous times before she hit 20. No one suspected it.
I think, essentially have a collective eating disorder as a modern society.
This is what we need to fix.
i have struggled with exactly what this post is talking about. my mother was a ballet dancer; i have always been very, very short and squat. i can't remember a point in my life where my parents and extended family didn't hound me about my weight. i joined weightwatchers in high school, lost about forty pounds in a year, went off weightwatchers, and gained it all back in a year. at the end of senior year, i decided i really needed to "do something", because omgbeingfatistheendoftheworld. so i ate less. and…way less. i followed the "eat every three hours to keep your metabolism going!" idea. i restricted my caloric intake more and more until eventually, i was only eating about 1000 calories a day (while also working out at curves every day and burning about 400 calories). i was counting calories in class for "fun"…it was eerily similar to a game, in my head. and i became thin! EVERYONE WAS SO PLEASED. the girl that was fat for 17 years is finally thin! victory! hooray! who cares exactly how she did it, that doesn't matter — her body is FINALLY socially acceptable! meanwhile, i was crying every day that the number on the scale didn't go down at least a little bit, and crying because i wasn't happy with my body in its "improved" state. then i realized, before i left for college, that i didn't know how to eat according to my body's needs. my whole life had either been sneaking food and binging, or restricting my food intake. i freaked out, because that meant i would gain all the weight back — which i did. i went to college, went back to sneaking food and binging, and gained back at least sixty pounds…and here i am now. i recently realized (and had people tell me) that i had/have a legitimate eating disorder, which went unnoticed because i was doing "the healthy thing" — how could a fat girl have an eating disorder! i'm now finally learning to accept my body and its needs, which is extremely difficult after 19 years of daily reprimand. and i'm happier now, at my heaviest weight, than i think i have ever been.
Gods, this was great! And you're exactly right, of course, about our culture teaching us to supress and tame our bodes, to deny ourselves what is the most natural things in the world. A whole new pie it must be.
Thank you for this post. As a person who has never been "fat" I agree that is very hard to place yourself in that situation, however, a cousin of mine who is very close to me has been going through a lot of issues because of her weight. She has been chubby ever since I can remember, however, my entire family is always making nasty comments at her for her size, especially my mother, and it breaks my heart. I've dealt with image issues myself, even though I'm thin for most standards, I've come to a point in my life where I simply find food bothersome because of everything it implies, but I'll never be able to fully understand what it means to be viewed by society as a whole like a person who is impossible to be considered pretty or someone who should hide from others to "spare them from seeing something like that" (yes, I've actually heard people saying this). I'm just blurting all of this out because I'm extremely glad to see that there are places where people can be open minded and reasonable and I hope my cousin can one day stand on her own two feet and stop giving in to the horrible pressure.
The other day I had a moment in the supermarket. I was picking out shampoo, and there were so many and I just didn't know. And for a second, a tantalising second, I had that feeling. That same feeling I had when I was a Young Adult just starting to make my own decisions.
The feeling was: if you choose the right shampoo, if you know which one is the sparkling holy grail of shampoo, and you purchase and use it right, you will be GOOD. You will be RIGHT and your whole life will be shiny and you will be THIN and PRETTY and people will LOVE YOU.
I think this is not unrelated. It brought with it those old feelings that there IS a right way – a right way to eat, to exercise, to live, to do your hair. I never dieted as such, but I always lived well within what was 'right'. But of course, there is no such was and so inevitably it fails, you fail because you DO NEED FOOD. I pretty much never dieted because I knew I didn't have 'the willpower'. What that means is, I don't like feeling hungry, and I don't like craving things. I like to make decisions about what to consume and then get on with my life. But this is a dreadful failure as a woman.
I am glad that I accepted that I was a failure to society. Because even though it meant years of feeling broken and unable to control myself before I worked out that it was society that had failed, it also meant that I didn't diet and I was less vulnerable to the horrors of an ED.
This is the best and most helpful description of eating disorders I have read. I want to send it to everyone I know! Thank you for putting things into words for those of us without your writing talent.
This is why I read your blog, Lesley. I'm not, by the much-maligned BMI description, fat. But I am tall, bigboned and "too curvy" for standard clothing. Nearly every time I go to buy something simple (a bra, or some boots), I get the "it must be terrible to have such wide calves and bit feet" or "you're just going to have to fit in to our bras" or "I don't know where you would even get bras in that size). Little wonder that given this I had a chronic eating disorder in my teens, so severe I stunted my growth and didn't grow to my full height until I was well in to my 20s
I find it crazy that people can eat so strangely, obsessively – and it's socially okay, supported even, purely because they're not by external definition, skinny. Eating Disorder means disordered eating. Not "society's idea of too thin" or "society's idea of too fat".
I had horribly disordered eating at 170 pounds. I ate pure rubbish, and I knew it. I also probably ate more than most people I know who are a size 22. I had horribly disordered eating at 84 pounds. I ate nothing. I had horribly disordered eating at 135 pounds, because it took me several months of living on a ridiculously calorie controlled diet to achieve it. When I just chill out, I almost always normalise at the same weight – 145 to 150 pounds at about 5″10″.
We all normalise at different weights. We all normalise at different measurements. We may not always like what the scale or the measuring tape says at normalising weight, but it is what it is, and maybe – just maybe – if everyone just ate intuitively and embraced HAES, and didn't attempt to fluctuate up and down – we'd all be at more peace with that. It's taken m a long while to realise that I won't be getting 36 inch hips soon. Or ever. Or that I won't be buying bras in my local mall unless they decide to start stocking a larger range of sizes (because even at a disordered-for-me BMI of 19, I was still a GG cup). That I may well be buying shoes at specialty stores because my feet are too big and wide for many stores. That when low-rise jeans (blergghh) re-enter the fashion stratosphere, I'll scrounge everwhere for jeans because of my difficult, long rise and wide hip bones and I will need to grasp the oddity of the fact that this will dictate that even at borderline underweight, I may well need a plus size. And that this isn't my FAULT. It's me. It's my genetics. It is neither positive, or negative. It's just my body, and I currently define it healthy.
"The only way to win the fight with our bodies is to die. The winners are the ones who are dead. They are the ones who have triumphed, decisively, over the needs of their bodies, forever."
It's funny how things seem so black and white until somebody smarter comes along with a simple yet challenging idea, and blows your safe, comfortable little world up. Suddenly color as flying everywhere and you're so shell shocked you can't really register the full spectrum of color consuming your world.
That's how that quote struck me. I obsess about my weight, my looks, my skin, my cellulite, EVERYTHING…and unless I realize I'm, above all else, human, I'll be consumed by my obsession until I die….I need to find other hobbies.
As someone who has lived with an eating disorder for years and has tried to recover many times I agree with what you've said here. Its amazing to me how if you take a group of women invariably the talk turns to weight, how to lose it, whose gaining it, whose lost it. I'm always very uncomfortable in these situations, never knowing what is appropriate to say (since my e.d. seems to make my thinking more extreme than others) but lately I've noticed that even my so called healthy friends talk about food in terms that I thought were just disordered talk. It feels like the lines between normal and abnormal are blurring.
From a fat anorexic– thank you


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Xbox Live Anywhere has the potential to be one of the first unifying services that brings together PC and console gamers into one happy family. No longer will their fragging remain separate. The vision laid out in this plan for world gaming domination is certainly an interesting one, but not without many unanswered questions.
One question that didn't actually cross my mind until today is whether or not PC gamers will have to pay a fee to play through the Xbox Live service. As we're all aware, Xbox Live Gold mandates the payment of a monthly fee in order to game online. However, the PC rarely—if ever—has these fees for anything other than MMOs, and thus it might be seen as an outrage if Microsoft charged for what has traditionally been free on the platform.
If the PC portion is free, though, it begs the question: why should the console gamers have to pay the fee? Microsoft's Shane Kim talked with 1UP recently and had this to say about the situation:
In the Xbox world when we created Xbox Live, there was no other option. We're sort of creating it as we go, we established that model and that framework. As we come into the Windows gaming world, there are alternatives that are out there so we have to be cognizant of that. We do recognize that, unlike the Xbox 360 environment, there's existing competition in the PC online space. So we have to take that into account as we think about how we're going to structure our services, what they'll pay for and what they won't.
CVG suggests that it's possible the integrated game-space could prove beneficial for 360 owners, as it may influence how Microsoft charges for Xbox Live. I don't really hold out hope for a free Xbox Live Gold any time soon—frankly, for the console, the service is currently unrivaled by the competition. The question raised, though, is interesting. Just because PC users are acclimated to paying no fees doesn't mean that the console users should be paying them. The old rationale of "Xbox Live uses their servers and they push content so it's worth it" would quickly be overturned if the PC users were instantly given the same access to content and services as the console gamers—and I think things could get really ugly if that turns out to be the reality of the situation. Not so much of a happy family after all.
Image courtesy of Penny Arcade.


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The Kids on the Block Puppets will be visiting our 3rd grade classrooms again this year to talk about disability awareness. The puppet shows teach students about different disabilities that students in their school may be experiencing and how they are just like the on the the inside with all of the same feelings. It also provides an opportunity for students to ask any questions may have about specific disabilities in a comfortable setting in order to gain a better understanding of students with disabilities.
First grade students see a series of 3 puppet shows that teach them about the 4 types of child abuse and teach them ways that they can keep themselves safe. Students learn how to say, "No" and get help if they are in an unsafe situation. They also learn the 3 stranger danger rules.This presentation usually takes place in January or February.
The Girls Group Celebration takes place in the spring following a group that meets with all 4th grade girls in the winter. 4th grade girls that completed the group with Mrs. Righi had an opportunity to attend 3 out of 5 offered workshops. Some of the choices that have been available in previous years inclue: Scrapbooking, Cooking, Pilates, Cake Decorating, Double Dutch Jump Roper, Nail Care, or a Mary Kay Skin care lesson. The girls attended 3 thirty minute workshops throughout the building based on their preassigned schedules.
This is another opportunity to remind students about how to stay safe and get help if they are in an unsafe situation. The presenter reviews the 4 types of child abuse and also talks about the many people in their family, neighborhood, and school that they can go to for help if they are in an unsafe situation. The purpose of this presentation is to help children learn how to recognize when they are in an unsafe situation and how to get help.


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Mazatlan is located on the Pacific coast at the southernmost tip of the Baja California Peninsula. Mazatlan is the second largest city in the state of Sinaloa, Mexico. It is a popular tourist destination with hotels along the beaches and a car ferry service across the Gulf of California to La Paz.
(Photo Via: Wikicommons)


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Maybe you haven't yet heard of Jessica Chastain, but she's about to become ubiquitous, a state that will only continue if she joins John Hillicoat's upcoming Western.
Hillicoat is hoping to Chastain will join Tom Hardy and Shia LaBeouf in the cast of "The Wettest Country," Hardy's love interest, according to The Hollywood Reporter.
The Prohibition Era film is being written by Aussie rock god Nick Cave (who's also doing the music), and based on the Matt Bondurant novel "The Wettest County in the World."
U.S. & World
Here's this from the Publisher's Weekly review:
This fictionalized tale of Depression-era bootlegging ... enlists the help of Winesburg, Ohio author Sherwood Anderson to investigate Bondurant family lore. In 1928, a pair of thieves accost Bondurant's real life great-uncle Forrest at his Franklin County, Va., restaurant. They're after a large cache of bootlegging money and end up cutting Forrest's throat. The story of his survival and his trek to a hospital 12 miles away has taken on mythical proportions by the time Sherwood Anderson arrives in Franklin County in 1934 to research a magazine piece on the area's prolific moonshiners. Soon after Anderson's arrival, two anonymous men appear at the same hospital, one with legs meticulously shattered from ankle to hip, the other one castrated, with the by-products of the deed deposited in a jar of moonshine.
After doing a bunch of television work over the past few years, Chastain was cast in two films that never went into wide release, "Stolen," and "Jolene." Nonetheless, she must've made an impression, because in the next year or so she'll be seen in "The Debt," with Sam Worthington; "Take Shelter" with Michael Shannon; "Tree of Life" with Brad Pitt and from director Terrence Malick; Al Pacino's "Wild Salome"; Ralph Fiennes' "Coriolanus"; "The Fields" with Worthington and Chloe Grace Moretz; and "The Help" with Emma Stone.


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God is Screwing With Us
The events of this past holiday weekend finally confirmed a suspicion I had harbored for a while. God is screwing with us.
Oh yes, I know this is blasphemy. And to make a statement like this during the advent just adds fuel to the bonfires already being stoked for heretics like myself. But it doesn't make it any less true. Look at the facts.
Fact #1:
On Saturday Michigan lost to The Ohio State University for the seventh time in a row. And it wasn't even close. Consecutive defeats would be bad. Four in a row is unimaginable. But seven straight times? That's ludicrous. Terrelle Pryor will graduate (or at least leave OSU) never having known the stinging scorn of the Ohio State fans because of his performance in a loss to the Maize and Blue. Sure, the Tigers may have picked up Victor Martinez and stolen a little bit of Ohio's soul in the process. But seven straight losses? By comparison, that almost makes this palatable:
Fact #2:
No god that actually liked us would let Leslie Nielsen die on Thanksgiving weekend. That's not funny. That's just mean. Sure, Nielsen may not have done anything recently but his work with OJ in the Naked Gun movies made him a legend. To die at this point instead of at the very capable hand of Mr. Simpson just seems cruel.
Fact #3:
This all leads us to the final and indisputable fact which proves without question that god is screwing with us. He purposely messed up an NFL game yesterday. Yeah, really. It would be easy to believe that Johnson just plain and simple dropped the ball. Just like it would be easy to believe that a 14-year old virgin gave birth to a kid a couple millennium ago. But the truth is, it's just god screwing with us.
Anyway, get out there and live it up this week. Have fun, go crazy, don't stop. And if something does go wrong, just remember that it's probably god screwing with you.


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"Wishing Well" Wedding sign is the perfect addition to your wedding reception table. This elegant sign will sure to leave a lasting impression on your guests.
Paper: 110lb heavy weight matte cardstock, Your choice of paper color.
Size: 4x6, 5x7, 8x10, 11x14 – your choice
Packaging: Packaged in a clear sleeve with backing board to prevent damage during shipment
When will my order ship?
Our current processing time is 2-4 business days after order has been placed.
If you selected "YES" to see a digital proof, your order will ship 2-4 business days AFTER your approved your proof.
Digitals proofs will be sent within 48 business hours after purchase is completed.
If you need your order sooner, please let us know in the "ADDITIONAL NOTES" section and we will do out best to process it sooner.
Modern Pink Paper uses 110lb heavyweight cover-stock which is a premium choice weight for stationery.
All cardstock is matte and will not have any texture/finish to it.
Purchasing 10 cards? Your order will get packaged in a clear resealable sleeve for safe keeping and easy gift giving.
Purchasing 20 or more cards? Your order will get packaged in a clear stationery box for safe keeping and easy gift giving.
Return Address Printing
All return address printing will print in BLACK INK.
Return addresses CANNOT be printed on "NAVY" colored envelopes.
If you choose to have return address printing, the style will be the same as the example shown in the stationery you are purchasing. If you prefer a different style, please note that in the "Additional Notes" section.
Pricing is as follows: $5 for every 10 envelopes, if you select yes, the dollar amount will be added to your order total.
Want to see a proof before we print?
Yes: If you select YES, your proof will be sent to the email address your provided within 2-4 business days. I will work with you until you are happy with your style and color choices.
No: If you select NO, your order will print and ship on schedule.


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Get involved
Grow a Mo
Patchy, lopsided, itchy or epic – whatever Mo you grow this Movember, your face will raise funds and awareness for men's health.
Move for Movember
Commit to running or walking 60km over the month, at your own pace. That's 60km for the 60 men we lose to suicide each hour, every hour across the world.
Host a Mo-ment
Rally a crew and do something fun and easy. Hosting is all about having a good time for a good cause.Tell me more


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Why sit when you can stand? Working at the office or at home while sitting for long periods of time can be detrimental to a person's health (desks should come with warning labels).
Research has shown that those who work or play video games while sitting for hours can lead to a host of problems, including heart attack, stroke, metabolic syndrome (cardiovascular disease and diabetes), and lower life expectancies. Suffice it to say, sitting + increased time = bad health. Unfortunately, some things workers try (jogging in the morning, hitting the gym during lunch, etc.) to combat the problem will not help overcome the declining health associated with sitting for eight to 10 hours during work.
Sure, there are some tricks, such as walking periodic laps around the office during breaks, stretching or moving while seated, and the often-overlooked standing desks that can help maintain a healthy mind and body. Yes, any standing-type desk will do for most office workers looking to maintain their life expectancies, but then again why be like most office workers?
Those looking to "stand" outside the box may want to look at Stir's Kinetic Desk, which is outfitted with a host of smart technology that helps alleviate the nasty side effects that sitting causes. The desk itself is outfitted with a pair of actuated legs that raises or lowers its height (26-inch range) with the tap of a button for a customized fit. An embedded touchscreen control panel provides an interface for users to control every facet of the smart desk, including adjusting its height, monitoring how many calories have been burned throughout the day, as well as how long you've been sitting or standing.
The desk works by gaining awareness of when the user stands in front of it using an embedded thermal sensor. Users then adjust the height of the desk using the interface for a customized fit. Once that's done, specialized software "learns" over time how long they prefer to stand or sit and adjusts itself accordingly using "WhisperBreath," which moves the desk up and down ever so slightly to let the user know it's time for a break. After the desk learns the user's preferences it can then be initiated into "Active Mode" through the push of a button on the front of the desk. Every time users arrive, they simply push that button to initiate the workday.
The Kinetic Desk also features two hardware/hardwired hubs embedded into the top of the desk, which feature both Bluetooth and wireless connections for mobile devices, as well as electrical outlets and USB ports for anything the user needs to connect. This feature alone is priceless as all cable connections can be kept out of the user's way while working, and provides stability for connected devices while moving up and down. Stir's Kinetic Desk will begin shipping soon, starting at $3,890, with two color options for the desks lacquered wood face and four options for the desks trim and access ports.
Can you really put a price on good health?
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Spookyblue's beautiful Shadow Wood Haunt.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Spookyblue's beautiful Shadow Wood Haunt.
Posted by Rot at 6:19 AM
Labels: cemetery, corn stalks, crypt, jack o'lanterns, lighting, pumpkins, Spookyblue.com, tombstones, witches, yard haunt, yard haunts
2 comments:
- Sara said...
The woods totally add a different dimension to it--I love this Haunt!
Especially the pic of the tombstones in the front with the pumpkin blurred in the background window.
So many great haunts this year. I can't keep up with all the pictures!
- November 5, 2010 at 10:32 AM
- ShellHawk said...
Stewie is laughing to see his daddy up in a tree!
- November 5, 2010 at 11:15 AM
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News & Notes: Game 144
Buffalo Bisons
75-68, 3rd(-11.5)
RHP Josh Stinson 1-2, 3.32
Rochester Red Wings
49-94, 6th(-37.5)
RHP Anthony Swarzak 5-11, 6.07
Monday, September 6, 2010
Frontier Field – Rochester, NY
TV: Time Warner Cable SportsNet 13
Radio: WWKB AM 1520, bisons.com
TODAY'S GAME: This afternoon, the Bisons close out the 2010 season with the second game of a two-game series with the Rochester Red Wings at Frontier Field (1:05 p.m.). At 75-68, the Herd failed to reach the post season this year. However, the Bisons will finish the year with a winning record.
SOLID SEASON: At 75-68 heading into today, the Bisons will finish the season with a winning record for the first time since 2007 (75-67). A 76th win today would give the Herd their highest win total since going 82-62 during the 2005 campaign. A win today would also give the Bisons 20 more victories than a season ago when they finished 56-87. This year, Buffalo went 42-30 at home, their best record at Coca-Cola Field since going 43-29 during the 2006 season.
vs. THE BEST: The Bisons were a combined 22-18 against the four teams that did qualify for this year's playoffs. Buffalo was 6-2 against Columbus and 5-3 against Louisville. The Herd split their season series with Scranton/Wilkes-Barre 8-8 and lost the head-to-head with Durham, 5-3.
GOLLY GEE: The comeback is officially complete for the Bisons 2010 Comeback Player of the Year. The Mets announced yesterday that RHP DILLON GEE will make his big league debut for New York on Tuesday against the Nationals. After missing 98 games last season with a shoulder injury, Gee led all of Triple-A baseball with 165 strikeouts (a Bisons single-season record) in 28 starts with the Herd. Gee was also second in the IL with 13 wins.
MAJOR CALL-UPS: Along with Gee, the Mets announced that they have recalled LHP RAUL VALDEZ, RHP SEAN GREEN and OF JESUS FELICIANO. Green returns to the Mets for the first time since being placed on the disabled list on April 11. New York recalled INF NICK EVANS before yesterday's game and C MIKE NICKEAS on Thursday. OF LUCAS DUDA and RHP JENRRY MEJIA were promoted when the rosters expanded on September 1.
HOMERING HERD: With three home runs last night, the Bisons now have 150 blasts on the season. That total is the second most in the International League, trailing only Louisville (158). Seven different Bisons have 10 or more home runs, a total that only INF NICK EVANS reached in 2009. The 150 home runs are the most Buffalo has hit since they smashed 179 in 2005.
LOVE FOR LUTZ: In just four Triple-A games, INF ZACH LUTZ now has four extra-base hits and six RBI. His two-run double in the 10th inning last night was the Herd's only hit in 14 at-bats with runners in scoring position.
METS UPDATE: A host of former Bisons helped the Mets (67-70) beat the Cubs, 18-5 on Sunday. INF IKE DAVIS homered for the second straight day as part of a four-hit performance. INF RUBEN TEJADA hit his first big league home run and drove in five. On the mound, LHP JON NIESE improved to 9-7 on the year with six innings of work. The Mets are now in Washington for a 1:05 p.m. game on Monday.
Follow the Herd:
Listen to the Game:CLICK HERE!
Bisons Baseball Network: CLICK HERE!
Broadcast Team email: CLICK HERE!
Everything about the Herd: CLICK HERE!
Get to a Game: CLICK HERE!


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Crew is three months old! He seems to have gotten past his colic and is a much happier baby now, not to mention how much happier WE are as well. He weighs 15.5 lbs., smiles most of the time, makes all sorts different noises to entertain us, sucks on his hands(still NO binki), and his tears came in.
He really enjoyed all the extra attention during Grandpa and Grandma Hughett's visit over Christmas. It was so fun to have my parents here to help me get out of the house with the baby. I really wish they lived closer! Can't wait to visit them this summer.
Last weekend Chris's fam came down for Crew's blessing. While they were here, they watched Crew so Chris and I could go out on our first date since Crew was born. It was nice to have a little time together. Crew's blessing was wonderful! I have to say, as soon as I dressed him in his little white outfit I was in tears. As you can see in the picture above, he was pretty stink'n cute.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
3 Months Old
Posted by Johnna Jayne at 3:48 PM
4 comments:
- Jen said...
he is so cute! it's so fun when they start really interacting.
- January 9, 2010 at 9:08 PM
- Team Seguritan said...
CUTE kid! Just read over your last few posts and he's adorable. Glad to hear you got to go out. It's much more fun being a mom when you get a chance to actually MISS your child(hard when you never leave them.)
- January 10, 2010 at 8:22 PM
- LUCKY7 said...
I really want to see him... Really! I don't think I have your number anymore!!! lets do something in a couple weeks (brigg is not feeling good right now)
- January 11, 2010 at 10:05 AM
- tamiz said...
I love that little chubba-muffin and I haven't even met him yet! You planning a trip to ID this summer? Ya know I'll be living up there for all of June and July. You must come to the lake and play too!
- January 11, 2010 at 4:46 PM
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Smart Football has moved!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Now, on Rodriguez and the spread
My point was simply that Walker made an important contribution. And keep in mind that the spread of the spread, so to speak, has in many ways been an interesting two-way dialogue between high schools and college -- and only now is the NFL listening too. True, when Rodriguez came out with the zone-read people came from all over to study it from, but Walker and Kevin Wilson really put their stamp on it and showed the way for coaches less inclined to be "spread guys" how to adapt their traditional offense to the new-fangled sets. And I do think it true that, until teams like Northwestern got going, Rodriguez hadn't quite focused on developing the shotgun run game into a robust "system."
At Tulane, the offense had the zone-read elements but Rodriguez and Tommy Bowden still considered themselves kind of pass-first guys; Shaun King threw for 3,495 yards and 38 touchdowns. His big innovation at the time was in throwing the 3-step quick game from the shotgun. It sounds quaint and kind of weird now, but at the time people really didn't think you could do it because of timing issues until they saw Rodriguez do it (along with Joe Tiller at Purdue). Indeed, no less a passing guru than Norm Chow, while he was still at BYU, visited Rodriguez to learn this funky technique, and for the first time in his career taught his quarterbacks to throw the three-step game from the shotgun. (And the BYU offense, which had slowly begin to wilt in the late '90s, saw a brief resurgence before Chow left for NC State and used the same techniques there with Philip Rivers.) These were heady days.
Moreover, in Bowden and Rodriguez's their first year at Clemson Woody Dantzler split time with Brandon Streeter, an incumbent fifth-year senior who was not mobile (he averaged 0.9 yards rushing on a meager 42 attempts). See the highlights below.
And in any event I wasn't saying that Clemson was some kind of disorganized mess when Rodriguez was there, just that, understandably, these were the early days of the spread, so a few big ideas were most of what you needed. As teams caught on Rodriguez stayed a step ahead, again, with the aid of Rick Trickett at West Virginia, an excellent offensive line coach. (Note that with Trickett the focus of the zone read changed from the inside zone to the outside zone, a subtle switch for the average fan that derived from the ideas and philosophy Trickett learned from Alex Gibbs, the Denver Broncos' famed line coach.)
All I was saying is that Walker played a very important role in this development. As Urban Meyer has said, back in those days the spread coaches were a small fraternity and they liked to swap notes. Rodriguez hit everybody over the head with his ideas, and then later, once guys like Meyer and Walker had put in full seasons running the stuff, they got back together and talked about what worked and what could be better. (And to one of the commenters who said that they never heard of anyone visiting Walker, that is just wrong: Meyer has said repeatedly that he visited Walker to learn what they were doing at Northwestern.)
So anyway, I don't think giving credit to one guy should be interpreted as taking anything away from another. These were some dramatic years for the spread, those years from 1997-2002 or so. A lot happened, a lot was learned, a lot was tried, and there were a handful of guys there at this birthing of a new style of offense. Rodriguez might be the father, but Walker helped pour the baptismal water.
2 comments:
ESPN has an article about the growth of the "spread offense" on the front page of their Web site. Thought you might be interested in reading it and breaking it down. It seems as if it suffers from a critique you've leveled before, in that it discusses the "spread" as if it is an offensive system, rather than a formation. Continue to love the site, and definitely ready for your eventual breakdown of the trendiness of the 3/4 defense in the pros.
- Indivision said...
I think this article is a major slight to the contributions of Chip Kelly in bringing the spread to a new level.
Just kidding. :)
However, I would be curious to hear what your take is on the particulars of Kelly's system. A nice article on him here, if you haven't already seen it: http://blogs.registerguard.com/cms/index.php/duck-football/comments/a-beautiful-mind-my-chip-kelly-feature/#When:09:32:52Z