text:
January 1: Break Half Your New Year's Resolutions Day
- 65M BC - For his new year's resolution, God promises to stop throwing giant meteors at Earth when upset.
- 1661 - Philip IV of Spain hopes his son will make him proud.
- 1812 - Napoleon Bonaparte vows not to start a land war in Asia.
- 1989 - Renowned ornithologist Arthur B. Magpie promises to stop fucking bird cloacas.
- 1994 - Ted Kaczynski says to himself, "This is my last letter bomb."
- 2012 - Whitney Houston promises to stop hoovering lines of cocaine like a roomba.
- 2020 - You hope that this year will be a good one, that you'll sort your life out for the better. Ha.
January 2: Official End of Festive Season Feeling Day
- 366 AD - Barbarians invade the Roman Empire and steal the secrets of the chorizo.
- 1865 - The Uruguayan War starts after Paraguay and Uruguay fights over whose capital gets to be called Montevideo.
- 1945 - Nuremberg, Germany is accidentally bombed during the preliminary hearings of the Nuremberg Trials, court is delayed for months.
- 1963 - Turning point in the Vietnam War when Charlie decides that hiding in the jungle was a pretty good strategy.
- 1967 - Governor of California, Ronald Reagan, sets the thermostat on Los Angeles to perpetually smoggy.
- 1971 - Richard Nixon signs a bill making it illegal to break into your political opponent's offices and steal their shit. Oops!
- 1993 - The Sri Lanka Navy's first aircraft carrier fails after it floats fifteen feet above the water.
January 3: Throw Tomatoes at Old People Day (Spain)
- 3 - First payday after Christmas, family breadwinners sigh and spend their money on cheap spirits.
- 1945 - Fascist era Spain creates holiday to cull old people and handle their tomato surplus at the same time (Pictured), evolves into a family-friendly holiday of public tomato throwing.
- 1948 - Mel Gibson is deported to Australia for abusing his freedom.
- 1974 - The Keebler Elves go on strike, claiming the working conditions in the tree are "inhumane", and demand a union. Ernie Keebler hires several Smurfs to scab in their place.
- 1992 - Nirvana releases "Come As You Are" as a single, amateur guitar players everywhere rejoice at having a song they can strum while playing Dungeons & Dragons.
- 2004 - CBS declares victory in the ratings war after crushing that "gay peacock" network.
January 4: International Schadenfreude Day
- 1666 - The Great Fire of London begins as the Christmas decorations are taken down too close to a naked flame.
- 1974 - The Second Coming of Christ faces serious setbacks almost a year after the Supreme Court rules on Roe v. Wade.
- 1995 - Neil Diamond is kidnapped and forced to listen to his own music for seven consecutive days by his captors.
- 2009 - California Adventure and UC Irvine sign a treaty, but because Irvine was too busy playing Pokemon during negations, no one is sure exactly what the agreement is about.
- 2017 - God or aliens or lizard people must have lots of fun watching our misfortune.
- 4575 - The first Twinkie expires, mutant Octopeople everywhere worry about their food supply.
January 5: Guillotine Day (France)
- 1789 - Joseph-Ignace Guillotin first proposes the idea of a simple cutting mechanism by which the heads of monarchist scum are efficiently detached.
- 1793 - Maximilien Robespierre, to speed up the long lines of people awaiting execution, designs a new guillotine based on Leonardo da Vinci's primitive helicopter designs.
- 1794 - Robespierre's severed head goes on to become the next Prime Minister of Belgium.
- 1977 - The last person to be execution by guillotine, Hamida Djandoubi, sells commemorative postcards to pay for his defense trial.
- 1996 - Georgia State Rep. Doug Teper is reelected on his promise to rename the guillotine the freedom slicer.
- 2003 - British scientists invent a hybrid lethal injection/guillotine device, by which the blade of a guillotine is replaced by a row of hypodermic needles.
January 6: Recover from Holiday Hangover Day
- 1839 - The Night of the Big Wind hits Ireland with gusts of flatulence, after the communal stew is laced with baked beans.
- 1929 - Mother Teresa arrives in India, ready to give starving peasants the food of life, Christ Jesus, which is more nourishing than any lentil.
- 1941 - Franklin D. Roosevelt gives his famous Four Freedoms Speech: freedom to yell at town halls, freedom to worship Jesus, freedom to eat lots of turkey, and freedom to fucking die.
- 1950 - The United Kingdom officially apologize for the heinous crime of stealing tea from China, but it's still too little too late.
- 2001 - Congress decides that George W. Bush is the rightful winner after a coin toss.
- 2010 - Uranus officially undergoes name change to avoid ridicule, henceforth called Urectum. (Pictured)
- 2011 - Urectum undergoes yet another name change to avoid new ridicule, will now be called Urmom.
January 7: Black Karl Marx Day
- 698 - King Arthur has a white wine with his cottage pie instead of a red, the round table become concerned.
- 1608 - The settlement of Jamestown, Virginia burns down after a careless farmer leaves the smoking tobacco too close to the firewood.
- 1954 - The first demonstration of computer speech is performed in Georgetown University by an IBM machine, it says: suck it nerds
- 1959 - The U.S. Government sends Fidel Castro fifteen crates of the finest American cigars, which only look like live sticks of dynamite.
- 1989 - In response to allegations of class reductionism, the Democratic Socialists of America release the new and improved Black Karl Marx, now 40% more intersectional. (Pictured)
- 2012 - Pope Francis excommunicates the Vatican's fancy Pope throne in favor of a lame white chair, the peasants cheer, but God cries.
- 2017 - Black Karl Marx calls one of his female colleagues honeybun, is temporarily taken out of commission.
January 8: National Discrimination Day (U.S.)
- 1815 - Andrew Jackson defeats the British in New Orleans, catching them by surprise while they're celebrating the peace treaty.
- 1828 - The Democratic Party is formed on the principles of looking respectable and competent while doing absolutely nothing else.
- 1942 - Henry Ford declares his allegiance to Adolf Hitler's dictatorship, repaints all Model T's white.
- 1964 - Lyndon B. Johnson declares a "War on Poverty", millions of poor people are mercilessly exterminated before Johnson clarifies, "That's not what I meant..."
- 2009 - Kellogg's continues to conquer the cereal market with smack (Pictured) after finally dropping the honey flavoring and just selling it straight up.
- 2010 - Scientists discover that stomach acid causes breast cancer, but only when digested. Sorry, Carlin.
- 1927 - Hey, guys. Gonna do some standup today. How's it going Denver, yeah, so my girlfriend, it's our, by the way it's our three year anniversary...
- 1930 - The SUN. Clap. The LIGHT tears my HEART into STRANDS. Clap. My FACE, ENGULFED in SHIT. Clap. I am ALONE. Alone. Alone...
- 1936 - Uh, you ever been, like, you ever been like on the bus, and like, uh, the uh.... So, this old dude, and he, and this was the funny part, he had den— dentures and I had a whole bucket of, oh God, excuse me....
- 1942 - So the U-R-L is, A-R-Y-A-N dash promise, except there's, uh, two s's, dot R-U slash resources slash the truth about almond milk dot H-T-M, with no spaces, again, that's A-R—
- 1950 - Women, can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em, amirite? You fuckers, you fucking millennial shitheads my shit is gold, I've been doing comedy since before you were a stain in your—
- 1967 - 🎝Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.🎝 By now— who threw that!? Who threw that!?
- 49 BC - Julius Caesar crosses the Rubicon, he tries to turn back but the ferry is out of service on Fridays.
- 1776 - Thomas Paine publishes the pamphlet Common Sense, arguing that anyone who disagrees with American Independence should be institutionalized.
- 1810 - Napoleon Bonaparte and Empress Joséphine separate, she takes Prussia and half of France in the divorce.
- 1920 - World War I officially ends after Germany signs an affidavit promising "not to do this sort of thing" ever again.
- 1977 - Pac-Man is admitted to rehab due to a debilitating white pellet addiction.
- 1979 - Disco dies of a cocaine overdose, grunge soon to follow.
- 2015 - A funeral in Maine ends in tragedy as body is accidentally lowered into an open sewer.
January 11: Alexander Hamilton Day
- 1569 - English merchants propose a national game by which the poorest of society freely and willingly give their money to the rich with no hope of a reward; they call it a lottery.
- 1755 - Alexander Hamilton (Pictured), financial elitist, slave owner, serial adulterer and father of Wall Street, is born to a whore and a Scotsman; inspires overpriced musical for bougie liberals.
- 1879 - The Zulus defeat one British Redcoat unit with eleven Impi spearmen, British cry "no fair!" and reload save.
- 1922 - The first patented Diabetes treatment, a pair of rusty pliers used to excise the parts of the tongue that taste sweetness, is introduced to the general public.
- 1946 - Albanian dictator Enver Hoxha builds 750,000 bunkers not to keep Capitalist invaders away, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
- 2015 - Lin-Manuel Miranda is sentenced to hell for making a black guy dress up as Thomas Jefferson, which is like, three layers of wrong.
January 12: Politically Incorrect Bedtime Stories Day
- 1528 - King Gustav I of Sweden, after a Danish armchair of his breaks after only two hours of use, declares that all furniture sold outside of Sweden must be sold unassembled.
- 1907 - A baby Sergei Korolev, Soviet rocket scientist, is found hidden inside a stalk of corn by a poor farmer.
- 1966 - Lyndon B. Johnson declares America must stay in Vietnam till that whole Communism fad blows off.
- 1981 - The NAACP removes the "I have black friends who are okay with it" loophole for people without N-Word privileges, twenty-something white dudes riot.
- 2010 - An earthquake in Haiti kills over 100,000 people, wait, you already forgot about it? That's cold. I don't even think you donated.
- 2015 - Eighty-nine year old comedian Boz "Yellowface" Trillman cancels his long belated comeback after uproar at a joke about the differently abled.
January 13: Julius Caesar's New Year's Eve
- 45 BC - Julius Caesar celebrates New Year's thirteen days late, after everyone else is already done with that sort of thing, angering the Senate. (Pictured)
- 1610 - Galileo Galilei discovers the fourth satellite of Jupiter, but initially confuses it for a hemorrhoid.
- 1942 - Henry Ford gets a patent for his new automobile, which is 50% more Nazi than regular cars.
- 1996 - Annie Lennox accidentally breaks wind near a microphone, is immediately awarded two Grammys and a BRIT award.
- 1998 - Gay activist sets himself on fire in St. Peter's Square to protest the Catholic Church's condemnation of self-immolation.
- 2012 - Cruise ship Costa Concordia tips over on its side after a celebrity cooking class puts cream on their pasta carbonara.
January 14: Visit Your Imprisoned Relatives Day (North Korea)
- 1539 - Spain invents the Cubano, names Caribbean island Cuba in its honor.
- 1911 - Scottish Gaelic is smacked out of existence by a coalition of Scotland's concerned schoolteachers.
- 1945 - Adolf Hitler makes a demoralizing speech to the Wehrmacht, blaming the German people for not evolving an immunity to allied armaments.
- 1953 - Josip Broz Tito wins the 12th annual "Sexiest Dictator Alive" contest with his piercing glare.
- 1977 - In act of utmost mercy and virtue, Eternal President Kim Il-sung allows family of pigdog dissidents indefinite visitation rights, through their own imprisonment. (Pictured)
- 2004 - Georgia, the country, changes their flag to resemble the flag of Georgia, the state, to confuse people even more.
January 15: Feast of the Two-Headed Yak (Ukraine)
- 1889 - Coca-Cola replaces cocaine in its formula with the milder caffeine, consumers complain, but without cocaine, they only end up being slightly anxious.
- 1919 - A giant tank of molasses in Boston, Massachusetts bursts and floods streets, killing 21. What makes their deaths any less tragic?
- 1976 - Michio Kaku finds the perfect conditioner for his unique hair, sadly, it is banned everywhere except Estonia.
- 1977 - Martin Luther King Jr. spins in his grave, but not for any real reason, that's just a thing he does.
- 1987 - The two-headed Ukrainian Yak (B. grunniens chernobylian) emerges from the radioactive forest surrounding Pripyat, providing a useful source of protein to the people of northern Ukraine.
- 2001 - Wikipedia, the aggregate of all mankind's knowledge, goes online, first article is List of Power Rangers episodes.
January 16: Anniversary of the Bowel Movement (Djibouti)
- 9 AD - Something happened to some guy somewhere out there in the world.
- 1264 - For the first time in human history, a man is born twice.
- 1920 - The League of Nations not sure what to do with that Hitler fellow, decides to just let it be, he'll fizzle out in a week.
- 1930 - Mickey Mouse loses his license to Steamboat Willie after being caught transporting eleven illegal immigrants up the Timeless River. Walt Disney distraught.
- 1942 - Odds are that Hitler (Pictured) did something morally objectionable on this date.
- 1987 - Something performed by guys with poofy hair and makeup on was the number one song in America.
- 1983 - The day white people started to like Martin Luther King Jr.
January 17: Kick Pigeons in the Face Day
- 395 - The Eastern Roman Empire and the Western Roman Empire split after "insurmountable creative differences."
- 1918 - The Finnish Civil War begins after the Finns decide that they might as well get their Civil War done right away.
- 1945 - The Soviets liberate Warsaw from Nazi Germany, decide to adopt Poland as their own. Aww.
- 1946 - The UN Security Council wonders what the UK is doing there. It's just an island.
- 1961 - Dwight D. Eisenhower makes final speech warning America about the monster that lives in your closet.
- 1987 - The New York City Transit Authority sponsors a pigeon kicking holiday (Pictured) in response to the bird poop derailing all their trains.
- 2004 - The Doomsday Clock is set four minutes to midnight after scientists realize the time on their microwave is two minutes off.
January 18: French Armed Forces Day (France)
- 1778 - James Cook discovers the islands of Hawaii, names them the "Sandwich Islands": Cook is later killed by Natives after he declares the Taco to be a folded sandwich.
- 1886 - Field hockey is invented by hyper-insecure men who feel that gliding on ice is like, "totally gay."
- 1919 - During the Paris Peace Conference, the French Army give themselves the "Winner-est Winners" award, for having won the most in the conflict they have won.
- 1943 - The Polish city of Kraków is liberated by the Red Army, the Poles are surprisingly ungrateful for some reason.
- 1990 - Digital Underground's Humpty Dance becomes the No.1 song in America, listeners kill themselves in droves, having heard the voice of God.
- 2013 - To curb certain "unfounded" stereotypes of French people, France invades Northern Mali: troops immediately go on strike due to lack of hazard pay.
January 19: Porn for the Blind Day
- 8M BC - Monkeys evolve opposable thumbs, discover how to spank the monkey.
- 1340 BC - Egyptians create the first pornographic magazine, printed on papyrus, men claim they read it just for the hieroglyphs.
- 1850 - Nudist becomes billionaire after patenting photographs of people naked.
- 1450 - Johannes Gutenberg invents a press capable of printing tasteful centerfolds.
- 1968 - Blind porn is introduced, requiring the sight disadvantaged to keep both hands busy.
- 1971 - The first porno on VFHS is filmed, shows a mustachioed man cumming into a steaming bowl of macaroni and cheese.
- 1994 - First porn site developed, shows pictures of ASCII boobs: (.)(.)
January 20: Act Like You Care About Politics Day
- 1265 - The first ever House of Parliament is convened, first item on agenda is, "Do the peasants have too much rights?"
- 1789 - George Washington makes speech declaring himself eternal Godking of the 13 colonies, is brought back to his senses with a stiff drink and a good nap.
- 1783 - Britain formally splits from the American Colonies after the Revolutionary War: Britain says, "you'll be back."
- 1953 - Senator Alfred "The Lorax" Ramsey introduces bill to Senate to save the endangered Truffula forest from the Onceler.
- 2017 - Donald Trump is inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States, satire dies a slow and painful death.
- 2025 - Robot Hitler is inaugurated as the 46th President, liberals immediately call for a hundred stern op-eds.
- 2065 - Barron Trump's floating brain becomes President, Americans wish for the simpler days of Mecha Hitler.
January 21: Drink Until It Stops Hurting Day
- 30 AD - Supply Side Jesus patents cure for leprosy, sells treatment for thirteen drachmas.
- 1503 - The first handgun is designed, launches the shooter's hands towards the enemy.
- 1781 - Benedict Arnold, tired of being called "Eggs Benedict" by George Washington, defects to the British.
- 1850 - Millard Fillmore installs the White House's first bathtub.
- 1954 - Leni Riefenstahl writes, directs and stars in propaganda film, "Both Sides Were Bad, M'Kay?"
- 1991 - First ever "Yo-Mama Joke" is told. Violent bitch-slaps shortly follow.
- 2017 - Millions of feminist activists and Antifa super soldiers march in the streets, murder innocent shop windows.
January 22: National Cover-Up Day
- 1605 - Guy Fawkes was definitely not a secret Protestant double-agent trained to make Catholics look bad.
- 1914 - The squirrels had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of Franz Ferdinand.
- 1952 - Adolf Hitler is obviously not swimming in the frozen Arctic sea as a merman after a radiation experiment gone wrong.
- 1977 - AIDS was not at all created by the FBI and pinned on the CIA after they won the inter-agency tennis match last summer.
- 2001 - The Twin Towers were definitely not brought down by the Swedish as revenge for all the shitty Ikea jokes.
- 2016 - The perfidious Russians never spent millions on Vermin Supreme's presidential campaign.
January 23: Being Cut Off in the Middle of a Sentence Day
- 1321 - Pope Francis admits that the Vatican is actually a dormant—
- 1953 - Communists Chinamen will spring a massive coup in fourteen—
- 1969 - NASA warns that alien invaders will attack the city of—
- 2005 - The CIA admits finally admits it killed—
- 2011 - D.B Cooper comes out of hiding, reveals his money is hidden in—
- 2013 - MIT discovers the secret to immortality. It's so simple. The one thing you should never do is—
- 2809 - Second Coming of Jesus! Jesus descends to Earth and—
- 3809 - Judgment Day! God says you can get into heaven by—
·41 AD - Roman emperor Caligula is skewered to death by his Praetorian bodyguards after he forgets their birthdays ten years in a row.
·1848 - A miner finds a whole vein of Bitcoins near Sacramento, California.
·1941 - Neil Diamond is born looking exactly like he does right now.
·1961 - A bomber carrying two H-Bombs crashes in North Carolina, irradiates state, no one notices as North Carolina is already filled with glowing mutant people.
·1970 - Computer nerds invent the computer, use only the colors green and black since they have no fashion sense.
·1972 - Japanese soldier found hiding in the jungles of Borneo, twenty-seven years after World War II ends: asks, "Is my mother dead yet?"
·1984 - Steve Jobs personally invents the Apple Macintosh (Pictured), which revolutionizes computing by introducing the color gray and something called a UI. Sounds lame.
January 25: Shit January's Almost Over? Day
- 1890 - Nellie Bly (Pictured) crosses the world in only 72 days, is faced with the nagging feeling that the stove might still be on the whole journey.
- 1949 - The first Emmy Awards are televised, audiences everywhere smash their television sets for "growing an ego."
- 1971 - Idi Amin wins upset election in Uganda after the other candidate is mysteriously shot forty-seven times in the back.
- 1995 - The Russians almost launch their nuclear weapons after mistaking an atmospheric missile for a giant middle finger.
- 1996 - The last man to be hanged in America, immediately regrets choosing to be hanged seconds after hanging.
- 1998 - Pope John Paul II visits Cuba, condemns the country for its human rights abuses after a mojito he ordered took "too damn long" to arrive.
January 26: Civil War Day
- 1850 - After months of grueling compromises, Congress manages to avoid Civil War by rescheduling it another eleven years or so. Someone else's problem.
- 1870 - After American Civil War, the process of reconstruction is well underway especially in Virginia, where slavery (with extra steps) is being reintroduced.
- 1874 - The surrender of Robert E. Lee to Ulysses S. Grant is commemorated in a special postage stamp (Pictured), which is sold for the ridiculously expensive price of 10¢.
- 1917 - The Russian Civil War is delayed another several months as both sides attempt to discern their ideological differences.
- 1918 - The Finnish Civil War starts after a disagreement over which color to feature in the Finnish flag, eventually, the Whites and Blues compromise.
- 1992 - Boris Yeltsin promises not to nuke any American cities after he forgets the keys to his Nuclear Football in a bar somewhere in Rostov.
January 27: International Bring Your Exotic Pet To Work Day
- 1776 - Thomas Jefferson, suffering from writers' block, brings his pet negro Toby to work, who writes the remaining 96% of the Declaration of Independence for him.
- 1933 - Adolf Hitler vows to destroy all Jews when his pet Jew sleeps with his girlfriend.
- 1945 - President Harry Truman let his Komodo Dragon press the big red button, authorizing the use of nukes.
- 1947 - Mahatma Gandhi takes his pet rhinoceros to a rally. Scares the British into leaving India.
- 1995 - Osama bin Laden trains his pet Orangutan to use AK47s and RPGs. Becomes mascot for terrorists all over the world.
- 2010 - Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger die on the same day. They have a long-winded conversation about literature outside the Pearly Gates, boring and annoying everyone else in line.
January 28: Kill Baby Hitler Day
- 1813 - Jane Austen publishes her first novel, "You'll Have to Read This in 9th Grade", is instant bestseller.
- 1890 - Dozens of time travelers attempt to kill Baby Hitler, are stopped by those same time travelers after finding out world would be much worse.
- 1956 - Elvis Presley scandalizes television after going full-frontal on the Ed Sullivan Show.
- 1965 - A maple leaf accidentally falls on a picture of the newly designed Canadian flag, is accidentally included after photocopies are sent.
- 1985 - Africans choose to starve rather than benefit from corny "We Are The World" song.
- 2016 - The CIA develop disease which turn third-world babies into abortions, call it Zika virus, redundant as alcoholism already exists.
January 29: Conservative Chic Day
- 1850 - Henry Clay introduces the "Great Compromise of 1850" to congress, which frees all slaves, but only on weekends.
- 1861 - Kansas is admitted into the union only because the country would look kinda weird with a Kansas-shaped gap in the middle of it.
- 1916 - Paris is bombed by German Zeppelins during World War I, French are amazed by the steampunk aesthetic.
- 2000 - Conservative columnist Ben Shapiro, world record holder for longest stay inside a locker, loses his virginity to an especially sensuous pair of tweed pants. (Pictured)
- 2009 - Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is sentenced to fourteen years in jail for misleading advertising after the Senatorship he was selling was only an assistant mayoral council seat.
- 2017 - Right-wing extremist shoots up a mosque in Quebec City, media condones the Muslim community for being divisive and not shooting themselves.
January 30: The Next Great American Novel Day
- 1925 - Erudite socialite and on-and-off poet M. Masters Droob writes, These Days Will Last Forever, a loosely biographical coming of age tome about an erudite socialite and on-and-off poet.
- 1965 - Virginian author Jeronio P. McDullum writes his magnum opus, That Remains to be Seen: A Novel of Domestic Discontent, about a loveless marriage between an assistant professor and pugnacious spouse, who wouldn't know a novel from a novella.
- 1971 - Grizzled, white man's man author Smoker Ennis publishes a road trip anthology, I Fucked The Road; in the cover, he poses with the semi-automatic machine gun he will later use to take his own life.
- 1973 - Brundon Grishmald writes a 1,249 page novel about every single one of his sexual fetishes in excruciating detail, most people give up by page eighty-four.
- 2015 - Mariska Told writes a semi-autobiographical Roman à clef about the character defining experiences which paint the life of every American woman, like working at your dad's publishing firm or drunk texting your ex who moved to Long Island three years ago.
- 2017 - Bright young writer and future MacArthur fellow João Staines writes great work of literary import, you can tell from the tasteful misogyny and the nonsense similies.
January 31: National Ice Cream Day
- 201 AD - Ice cream is invented in Rome, but it quickly melts due to the lack of refrigerators, everyone is forced to slurp it.
- 1804 - French explorers with sensitive teeth steal the secrets of refrigeration from a tribe in north Africa, who they smear as filthy savages.
- 1819 - Heinrich Zoller creates a means to produce dots from ice cream, his recipe is later stolen by Samuel Dippin, who patents his invention and sells it inside malls.
- 1928 - Stalin re-invents ice cream and names it Stalin Cream, USSR rejoices but the American scum looses there underwear.
- 1979 - Ben and Jerry's "Popped Cherry" flavor ice cream is an initial hit with the young male demo, but sales ends in disappointment.
- 1991 - Dunkin' Donuts loses a hedge-trimming contest to Dairy Queen.
- 2009 - After a nationwide cat infestation, Ben & Jerry's introduces new "Litter Crunch" flavor.


text:
"For the King! For the country!"
This year, as before, the lists located near the walls of a beautiful medieval castle called «Krasna Horka» will bring together strong and experienced opponents. National teams of Russia, Poland, Ukraine, Austria, the Czech Republic and Slovakia will fight for the 1st place.
Fighters will compete in the classical categories of "5 vs 5″ and "1 vs 1″ held according to the HMBIA rules.
This weekend (August 9-10) promises to be hot for all lovers of full contact fighting in armor! «For the King! For the country!» will be a real battle of the titans.
Christina Korneva,
HMBIA News
Follow the map of HMB tournaments (can be found at the bottom of the main page of "Battle of the Nations» site) to knew all the news of HMB movement.
And we remind you, if you want to add your event to the international calendar of HMB tournaments, just fill in the form at http://goo.gl/SwuaCV

subset: commoncrawl


text:
Products Affected: Geostan, CODE-1 Plus, Spectrum Universal Address Module
The DPV database is the same for all products and all platforms. The LACSLink database is the same for all products, but there is an EBCDIC version (for IBMi and Mainframe) and an ASCII version (for Windows and Unix).
UPDATED: June 14, 2019


text:
The ECF January Grading List has now been published. The only Fenton player affected by the changes is Jason Plant, whose grade has dropped from e98 to an actual grade of 89.
Welcome to the Fenton Chess Club website. We are based at the Tollgate Hotel, Ripon Road, Blurton, Stoke-On-Trent, ST3 3BS. We meet on Monday evenings from 8:00 onwards. Whether you are a beginner or an expert you can be sure of a warm welcome. We provide the opportunity to play either competitive chess or just social games. We are affiliated to the North Staffs And District Chess Association, the Staffordshire Chess Association and the English Chess Federation.


text:
AIR FACTORY - Blue Razz 100ML eLiquid
Blue Razz Ejuice by Air Factory is a luscious blend of delightful fruit and taffy candy presenting light and airy sweet blue raspberry, stretched and pulled into a delicious candy and melted down into e-liquid form. With such a delightful fruity candy blend, no wonder this flavor is simply irresistible to vapers.
Bottle Size: 100ml - VG/PG: 70/30 - Flavor Type: Sweets
Full Flavor Description
Blue Razz by Air Factory delivers a sweet and chewy e-liquid that explodes with blue raspberry taffy flavor in every puff. To craft this yummy treat, sweet blue raspberries were picked in the romantic summer moonlight for optimal freshness, brimming with sugary sweetness. Rogue raspberry faeries picked these fruits in the fair moonlight, forever capturing the soft moonlight in their blue color, all while keeping that sweet candy berry flavor! This sweet fruit is pounded in a chunky blue raspberry compote and gently swirled into a freshly made batch of saltwater taffy.
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Whenever we come up on an e juice brand that is from our home turf of Southern California, we always try to represent their brand and sell their e juices.
If you scroll through our list of premium ejuice, you will see a lot of them are from our area. One brand that is a perfect example of this is called air factory eliquid.
They are a relatively new e juice brand that are becoming a big name in the industry.
One of their premium e liquids called Blue Razz is catching a lot of buzz right now. It is profiled to taste like a sweet piece of blue raspberry candy, with a hint of tart to make it interesting. It tastes kind of like blue taffy. It is awesome. Since our first hit, we haven't been able to stop vaping it.
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This may be a bold statement, but it is one of the best feeling hits we have had in a while.
Blue Razz by Air Factory E Liquid comes in 70%/30% VG/PG blend which means you are going to get some serious flavor as well as decent cloud production.
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- Flavor Profile: Blue Raspberry Taffy Candy
- Nicotine Level: 0MG, 3MG, 6MG
- Bottle Size: 100ML
Estimated Delivery in the United States: 1-8 days.
Estimated Delivery Worldwide: 6-15 days.
Orders are usually processed and shipped within 1 business day.


text:
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News — 13
While today's post isn't an official capsule wardrobe, it might as well be! Today I thought I would break down 25 of my most-worn style staples and share options for low, medium and high budgets
1 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 2 20 21 22 23 24 25 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 BudgetFriendly CapsuleWardrobe ClassicStyle Collages
Since spring is here (or almost here for many of us!), I decided to focus on the wardrobe essentials I'm able to wear in the spring, summer and fall seasons. The low budget items are either under $50 or under $100 (tees/tops are going to be under $50, jeans/shoes, etc will be under $100), and the medium and high budget options go up from there. Obviously if this was a year-round essentials post I'd include a few heavy sweaters and coats, but figured we're all over the cold weather right now anyway. If y'all like this post, I'll be sure...
13 Spooky Christina Rossetti Poems
1 10 11 12 13 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Poetry
The first book of poetry I ever owned was an anthology of Christina Rossetti poems, and I've always been struck by her very distinctive style. Though her writing is gorgeous, it's characterised by an intensely Victorian morbidity which makes it perfect for Halloween! On a related note, try these spooky books for Halloween too! #1. Remember Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land; When you can no more hold me by the hand, Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay. Remember me when no more day by day You tell me of...


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Air India Limited invites online applications from bright and energetic Unmarried Indian Nationals for the recruitment of Trainee Cabin Crew for its immediate following requirement in Northern, Western, Eastern and Southern Regions on a fixed term engagement, for an initial period of five years and to maintain a wait list for future requirements. Eligible candidates may apply online from 25-03-2015 to 14-04-2015.
Name of the Post: Trainee Cabin Crew
Vacancies: 435 Posts
- Northern: 206 Posts
- Western: 173 Posts
- Eastern: 17 Posts
- Southern: 39 Posts
Age Limit: 18 to 27 years as on 01-03-2015.
Educational Qualification: 10+2 from a recognized Board
Candidates who are three years' Degree/Diploma Holder in Hotel Management and Catering Technology from a Government recognized Institute will be given preference.
Selection Process: Group Dynamics & Personality Assessment Test (GD & PAT), Written Test.
Application Fee: Rs.600/- (No fee for SC/ ST candidates)
How to Apply: Eligible candidates may apply online through Air India Recruitment website www.airindia.in from 25-03-2015 to 14-04-2015.
Apply online for Air India Recruitment 2015 – Trainee Cabin Crew
For more details like age limit, educational qualification, selection process etc. Refer to Air India Trainee Cabin Crew Recruitment 2015 Notification.


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Oki's Pro printers have achieved, but kept secret, status among those that have them. The company introduced five-colour printing as part of a strategic goal of driving into the graphics arts three years ago. If it hasn't quite achieved this goal, it is not the fault of the technology.
European managing director Terry Kagoshima admits that the company under estimated the difficulty of the task. "We were absolutely convinced this was the right way forwards, but it has proved to be more challenging than we initially thought," he says. "Nevertheless we have made significant progress in our efforts to understand the customer's pain points."
It has also recruited to fill gaps with those with industry knowledge and last year acquired the wide format inkjet interests of Seiko. Further acquisitions are not ruled out. If it has not been a straightforward as the company hoped, Oki is not walking away.
The technology it has built its reputation on is sound. Instead of lasers to image a photoreceptive drum, Oki uses LEDs. An array can be placed closer to the imaged surface and can write at 1200dpi. This results in a more compact printer, perhaps leading some to overlook its capabilities. For as well as high quality imaging, the technology allows a flatter paper path and lower fusing temperatures.
"It is vital that we make these advantages relevant to our customers," he says. "Consequently we have brought in experts from the industries we address to help us accelerate developments."
These advantages include an ability to print on materials that other electrophotographic technologies simply cannot and on thicknesses that they cannot cope with. Add in the impact of five-colour printing and the technology is worth looking at. The fifth toner position is used for a white, at higher opacity than the white toner from other suppliers, Kagoshima points out, a clear toner as a spot varnish and now a neon toner.
For short run cards, invitations or even packaging this is an interesting combination. The prospects in packaging are especially interesting he believes, reeling off the Smithers Pira forecast numbers as well as those from Infotrends that estimate that just 1% of a $350 billion printed labels market is supplied by digital printing.
The size of the opportunity has numerous companies salivating and Kagoshima explains that Oki is planning to bring a label press to market within the next 12-18 months.
The company has a heritage in labels, having supplied dot matrix printers before introducing LED printing in 2003. It has grown to become one of the leading producers of LEDs supplying all manner of companies, including KIP which employs them in a very fast wide format printer.
Its own wide format interests will remain built on inkjet. Likewise Seiko supplies print heads to third parties, corrugated inkjet press provider Barbéran uses Seiko heads in its Jetmaster range, for example. The development teams from Seiko and Oki have been brought together and manufacturing of the Seiko printers has switched from third party providers to Oki's own Chinese factories.
Sales and distribution have likewise been brought together. And the first new large format models have been announced for commercial launch next year.
There is an obvious opportunity for sign and display printers using Seiko printers to offer small format digital printing, and for those using the Oki machine to offer access to wide format inkjet. This may prove useful in some of the other industries that the company targets. From a global perspective these are healthcare and retail, with a more local focus on construction in the UK and hospitality in Ireland.
Much of this will be served by a new range of office and inplant focused printers which it claims for the first time at this level to have inbuilt intelligence and internet connectivity. It means that Oki supports a distributed print model, where a central location drives what is printed locally.
For a retail chain this means that collateral can be distributed as digital files, perhaps templates that provide limited local editing for offers relevant to a particular store, while someone in the store can print out that day's price tickets or displays.
The instore operator goes to the touch pad on the printer, logs in to see a selection of job images, selects and prints the number of each job allocated to that store. There are no distribution costs, a much faster response time to market conditions, say hot weather promoting thoughts of barbecues, and no storage for marketing collateral, which can now be allocated to revenue generating items.
The ability to print 1.4 metre long banners means the printers can produce standee graphics, printing on a ferrite coated paper that matches the elegant magnetised stand. A banner can be changed in seconds by untrained shop staff, providing further benefit to the retailers that adopt this approach to in shop marketing.
Currently there are five or six retailers in the UK working with Oki in this way, 50-60 across Europe. "We want to convince retailers that signage is crucial to their business and our advantage is that our large format printers are more stable than rival devices. We want to convince retailers to work with local providers with Seiko printers," says product marketing manager Lee Webster.
Retail suits a business that has always supported distributed printing. It has no legacy of large centrally located devices. The new range of A4 and A3 printers link instead to a server or the cloud. These include Oki's SXP platform which enables support for third-party software applications, such as the retail solutions which are chosen according to local market needs and support.
One of these is Paper Cut, which is a document management application intended to be affordable for smaller enterprises. The printers thus support scanning into a number of formats, including searchable PDF, the ability to assign documents to individuals who can then print out on any printer that forms part of the network. In an estate agent chain, this will be useful for forms that need filling in or house particulars which are needed on demand, and which do not need further finishing.
But these are not graphic arts applications. Where others are hesitant about the future for printed documents: hence HP's acquisition of Samsung's printer business, Oki remains confident about the future of print.
European marketing director Tetsuya Kuri points out that not everything is going digital. "The idea that the proliferation of digital media will reduce the demand for printed media is a misconception. There is simply too much email for any email message to make an impression. Therefore digital marketing communications are losing their impact as the volume at the business users receive increases exponentially.
"Business communications has to change, so we expect demand for printed communications for business to increase. Personalised mail with eye catching effects delivers a higher retention rate and greater ROI than email."
This is highly suitable for Oki's technology if printing in-house. The LED system is inherently better than single-pass inkjet which requires special papers if it is not to soak into the paper with deadening effects on image quality, says Kagoshima.
It has led Oki to a 30% market share in this part of the office printer market according to figures from IDC. It is a similar share in this entry level part of the graphic arts market.
UK managing director Hagiwara says this bodes well for future growth. "We had a very ambitious target for growth when we launched the five-colour products and with the addition of neon we can do more. So the strategy has not changed, but we just need to accelerate the the plan announced three years ago.
"We see a slow decline in print for transactional purposes, but there will be growth in marketing materials, print on demand and in professional print."
And there is the packaging market. Oki, says Kagoshima, is working on narrower LED arrays which would be ideal for a reel to reel label press, printing on plastic materials as well as paper thanks to the low fusing characteristics of LED. "According to all the forecasts, all the research, the opportunity in packaging is enormous."
Oki's LED imaging technology enables a more compact print engine design, ability to print on thicker and heat sensitive materials and on banner length strips. It is also able to print a fifth colour, initially a clear toner for spot varnish and a white and now also including a neon effect.
Stronger relationship with Fiery
Story 1 of 2
Oki made its initial tilt at the graphic arts three years ago, and quickly found that the market would not roll over immediately. Now the company is looking again at the printing industry and plans to introduce a dedicated label press in the next year and having acquired Seiko's wide format inkjet business last year.
Story 2 of 2


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Te wá tha hón:ni Corporation Callout for Board Director (2)
Job Closing: Oct 9, 2020
The Te wá tha hón:ni Corporation, wholly owned by the Saint Regis Mohawk Tribe, is federally chartered tribal business corporation under Section 17 of the Indian Reorganization Act. The Corporation is regulated by the Federal Charter of Incorporation and the Board of Directors, composed of six (6) members of Tribal Council and three (3) additional members. The Corporation is a legal entity that protects and provides economic security by:
- Segregating the Tribal governmental assets and liabilities from Tribal business assets and liabilities through its legal structure; and
- Separating the Corporation assets and liabilities from its subsidiary companies, without divesting either the Corporation or the Tribe of privileges and immunities pursuant to legal status under federal and tribal law; and
- Pursuing business endeavors through its subsidiaries, regulated by the Saint Regis Mohawk Limited Liability Company (LLC) Ordinance, ratified through Tribal Council Resolution 2007-32. The current subsidiaries companies of the Corporation are: Mohawk Gaming Enterprises, Mohawk Soy, St. Regis Mohawk Builders, Mohawk Networks, and Akwesasne TV.
The Corporation selects board directors, subject to the final approval by Tribal Council through resolution. The Board of Directors hold monthly meetings, and special meetings as needed. The non-Tribal Council Board Members are compensated $200 monthly meetings, and $100 for special meetings.
In accordance with Section XI of the Charter, candidates do not need to be a member of the SRMT, but must:
- Be at least eighteen (18) years of age;
- Be committed to Tribal economic development with experience and expertise in related or relevant areas of business;
- Possess good moral character; and
- If successful, submit to drug screening and background check.
For more information, contact Cathy Mitchell, Executive Assistant/Board Liaison at 518-358-2272 ext. 2167. Please submit letter of interest and current resume to email@example.com or by mail/in person to:
Saint Regis Mohawk Tribe ATTN: Cathy Mitchell 71 Margaret Terrance Memorial Way Akwesasne, NY 13655
CLOSING DATE: October 9, 2020


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Registration from PETANQUE DU GORET
The PETANQUE DU GORET club from GRIGNY (France) has entered eith 1 team for the Open Santa Susanna Cup petanque competiton at October.
We wish them the best of luck in the competition!
Should you want information about our tournaments, please click on this link and you can download the brochures with all the details. Click here


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Origin & Early Years
Jiaying was an Inhuman active throughout most of the 20th Century.
In 1945, she was among many Chinese prisoners sent to Austria to be experimented on by the Hydra scientist Werner Reinhardt. Jiaying and the other prisoners were forced to take hold of a strange device called "the Obelisk" that killed everyone who came into contact with it except for Jiaying. Before Dr. Reinhardt could dissect her to discover why she could touch the device, his facility was raided by the SSR and the prisoners were liberated.[2]
At some point, Jiaying underwent Terrigenesis. As a result of her transformation, Jiaying stopped aging, and would look the same for the next several decades. She used this gift to counsel young Inhumans through their own transformations, one of whom was Gordon, whose own Terrigenesis had left him with no eyes and a nascent teleportation power.[3]
At some point, Jiaying met and married Cal, and with him had a daughter, Daisy.[2]
"Death" & Legacy
In 1989, while her daughter was still an infant, Jiaying was captured by Hydra agents, and was sent back to Austria where Dr. Reinhardt, now known as Daniel Whitehall, had recommenced his research after being freed from prison by Hydra agents in the U.S. government. Whitehall recognized Jiaying as the woman who could touch the Obelisk and live, and was surprised to see she hadn't aged in the 40 years since he had seen her. Making good on his promise, Daniel Whitehall vivisected Jiaying.
Dr. Whitehall had Jiaying's organs planted inside him, restoring his youth. Hydra left her butchered remains out in the wilderness like refuse. Cal eventually found his wife's remains, and swore to get his revenge on Daniel Whitehall.[2]
However, Cal managed to stitch his wife back together and her healing powers restored her to life, though she retained a few scars on her face. The two then scoured the Earth in search of their daughter, who had been taken by S.H.I.E.L.D. after identifying her as an 0-8-4 (object of unknown origin) while Cal was away. Eventually, Jiaying began to believe that their daughter was gone, but Cal wouldn't accept it, so the couple separated. Jiaying returned to Afterlife, dedicating herself to guiding future generations of Inhumans.
Modern Days
In 2008, Jiaying refused to allow Katya Belyakov to undergo Terrigenesis, recognizing a darkness in the girl. However, Katya's mother, Eva, wanted her daughter to receive her birthright and stole a batch of Terrigen crystals, giving Katya the power to leech off the emotions of anyone she came into contact with, while also driving the girl insane. They fled to Bahrain, where Eva's activities caught the attention of S.H.I.E.L.D. Jiaying and Gordon arrived during the aftermath, in which Agent Melinda May had been forced to kill both Eva and Katya.[4]
In 2015, Jiaying intervened when her daughter, now going by the name of Skye, was on the verge of killing Raina. Skye refused to stay in Afterlife as long as Raina was present, yet Jiaying persisted and asked that she stay a few days to give her time to learn control over her power. Jiaying later visited Cal, who had been imprisoned in Afterlife for recklessly drawing the attention of S.H.I.E.L.D. She thanked and hugged him for keeping his promise to reunite her with their daughter, but refused to allow him to see Skye.[5]
As Skye's learning progressed, she told Jiaying of the torment of having lived in numerous foster homes and how she never knew her birthday. It was then that Jiaying confessed to knowing Skye's birthday, and that she was Skye's mother. Jiaying then asked her not to reveal their relationship, telling her the story of Eva and Katya Belyakov. Since Skye had gone through Terrigenesis unprepared, the other Inhumans would look upon their relationship with suspicion.
Jiaying later arranged for Skye to have one dinner with Cal, asking that she give him one chance and afterward she would send him away.[4]
Powers and Abilities
- Advanced Longevity: She is capable of living for thousands of years if not more. This ability appears to be connected in some way to her physical body, as Werner Reinhardt had his youth restored after he transplanted Jiaying's organs into his own body.[2]
- Regenerative Healing Factor: She has the ability to heal moderate damages at an extremely faster pace & even resurrect herself in the event of death as long as most of her body remains intact. She has survived human vivisection, and still managed to regenerate from the ordeal.
- Life Siphoning: As a result of Terrigenesis, Jiaying gained the ability to strip the life of another person and add it to her own through physical contact.[6] The immediate impact of this is enhancing the potency & even accelerating her restorative, regenerative healing factor.
Delusional: Jiaying suffered greatly at the hands of Werner Reinhardt, and as a result she acted irrationally, committing acts of murder in the interests of preserving her authority and protecting Inhumans.[6]
- Dichen Lachman portrays Jiaying as a recurring character in Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. Coincidentally, she previously played a character who continues to live after receiving an otherwise-fatal injury in the series Torchwood: Miracle Day (in which the lead character, Jack Harkness, comes back to life after his body is destroyed).
Links and References
- 9 Appearances of Jiaying Johnson (Earth-199999)
- 2 Minor Appearances of Jiaying Johnson (Earth-199999)
- Media Jiaying Johnson (Earth-199999) was Mentioned in
- 6 Images featuring Jiaying Johnson (Earth-199999)
- 2 Quotations by or about Jiaying Johnson (Earth-199999)
- Character Gallery: Jiaying Johnson (Earth-199999)
Discover and Discuss
- Search this site for: Jiaying Johnson · Jiaying Johnson (Earth-199999)
- ↑ Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 5 19
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 2 8
- ↑ Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 2 11
- ↑ 4.0 4.1 Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 2 17
- ↑ Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 2 16
- ↑ 6.0 6.1 Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 2 21
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Author Biography | Interview | Books by this Author | Readalikes
How to pronounce Tom Zoellner: zollner
Tom Zoellner is the author of five nonfiction books, including Train. He is the co-author of the New York Times bestselling book An Ordinary Man, and his book Uranium won the 2011 Science Writing Award from The American Institute of Physics. Tom has worked as a reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle and The Arizona Republic, and as a contributing editor for Men's Health magazine.
He is now an associate professor of English at Chapman University. Tom lives in downtown Los Angeles and is a founding member of the journalism collective Deca.
Tom Zoellner's website
This bio was last updated on 02/05/2016. We try to keep BookBrowse's biographies both up to date and accurate, but with many thousands of lives to keep track of it's a tough task. So, please help us - if the information about this author is out of date or inaccurate, and you know of a more complete source, please let us know. Authors and publishers: If you wish to make changes to a bio, send the complete biography as you would like it displayed so that we can replace the old with the new.
Q: Why are diamonds such a big deal in America?
A: Its now a $25 billion dollar business. Seven out of every ten American women own at least one. But as it turns out, the idea of a diamond as a popular luxury item is fairly new in this country. A magazine advertising campaign sponsored by De Beers created the consumer desire just a few years before World War II. They sought to make diamonds not just rare, but essential for every man seeking to get married. Famous painters such as Pablo Picasso and Salvador Dali were commissioned to create landscapes next to advertising text that had a strange fixation on death, of all things. But De Beers tried to plant this subtle idea that diamonds are a kind of shield against mortality. "Diamonds are the most imperishable record a man may leave of his personal life," said one of the ads. Thats part of the source for the famous slogan they eventually cooked up in 1948: "A Diamond Is Forever." A phony "tradition" was also established: a groom must spend two months salary on his wifes stone. But this was not a global standard. British men were viewed as more stingy and were told to save one months pay. The...
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Of the dizzying array of gadgets and gear the traveling golfer should have along on his next trip, a reliable rangefinder tops the list. The new Bushnell Hybrid is ideal.
It's the world's first golf laser rangefinder and GPS combo with a fully integrated laser/GPS display that features both laser and GPS yardages. So you get laser distances to the pin and GPS-provided front, center and back yardage readings within the LCD. Now, even if you're confined to the cart path, or have your target blocked by trees or mounds, you'll have your yardage—and your confidence.
Accurate to one yard, the Hybrid utilizes Pinseeker with JOLT technology, which means that the unit vibrates when it locks in the distance number. This is the next best thing to having a Tour caddie.


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Professional House Cleaning Services For Saving Time And Efforts
House cleaning is actually a daunting task, which can't be managed so easily. Leaving all the household chores, we can't do cleaning at all on regular and professional basis. Yes, as we all know there are lots of things in our lives- cooking, washing, caring the family, our job and everything else, which never allow us to focus on cleaning is very important part of our lives. So, how can we assure that our house remains clean and hygienic without putting much effort and time on the same?
Well, there is only one way and that will definitely help you a lot in solving all your problems. Just hire a professional cleaning company and you will get complete peace of mind. Yes, only the best cleaners may transform your house completely and make sure everything must be in a perfect order without being dirty. For high quality and on time services, they are perfect and once you will hire them up, will surely become dependent on the same.
Here are the benefits of hiring a perfect house cleaning company, you must know-
A-Z Services
Hiring professionals for your house cleaning work doesn't mean that they will come to your house for doing particular task only. Even, if you have limited or extra requirements, they can do everything for you. They can become the Best Carpet Cleaner to clean your precious carpets and area rugs in a professional manner as well as can also go with tile and grout cleaning, drapery cleaning, upholstery cleaning and various others you would like them to clean.
Even you can find out Hardwood Floor Cleaner who will assure you to clean your floors easily and make it look perfect and shiny.
They work very neatly and quietly
Having decent and honest professionals in the house means you don't need to worry about anything. They always have special qualities like- they always work neatly, without making noise or disturbing others, however, if you are looking for up-class and decent cleaning chores, they are perfect to do so. Aside this, whatever garbage or rubbish they find, they neatly clean that area and collect everything in the outside bin. All in all, there is nothing which you may need to touch at all if they are with you.
They can handle everything
Another benefit of hiring professional service provider is they can work with anything. It doesn't matter how expensive your draperies are, how delicate your carpets are, what kind of floor you have, Laminate Floor Cleaner can clean all sorts of floors easily as well as can work on everything you like them to clean. They make sure to use appropriate and proven techniques, machines and cleaning agents so that without affecting anything the best results can be made.
Apart from this, hiring house cleaning services will surely give you a complete peace of mind which you can't expect to get from any other sources or DIY. So, better get the best one and enjoy quality time with your family.


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This substantial, well maintained, Victorian, five bedroom house and one bedroom annexed house is situated in the popular village of Lochfoot, only five miles from Dumfries and all its amenities. Convenient access to the A75 makes for easy travelling east and west and to the new DGRI. The property benefits from double glazing and gas central heating and retains many original features. The large rooms and high ceilings give the house a bright and airy feel. Minor modernisation would create an exceptional home of character, comfort and style and viewing is highly recommended.
Accommodation: Hall, living room, sitting/dining room, kitchen, four double bedrooms (one with en-suite), single bedroom, bathroom, shower room
Annexe: Living room/kitchen, double bedroom, bathroom
Outside: Gardens to front and rear, stone tool shed and large garage/workshop, wooden shed, dog pen
Viewing: Contact the agents on 01387 266250 (option 2)
An opportunity to purchase a substantial Victorian family home with potential B&B use together with an annexe which could be used as guest or holiday accommodation.
Front porch 1.53m x 1.81m Solid wooden front door with glazed skylight above, pendant light, cupboard housing electricity meter and new fuse box, original terrazzo tiled floor
Hallway 5.90m x 2.10m Wood and glazed door, pendant light, cornice, telephone point, coat hooks, central heating thermostat, fitted carpet, large understairs cupboard with light housing worcester combi boiler (installed in 2018)
Living/dining room 4.28m x 3.77m Double glazed window to front with pole and curtains, pendant light, cornice, radiators, shelved alcove unit, electric fire on tiled hearth, TV & telephone points, fitted carpet, door to annexe
Sitting room 4.07m x 4.42m Double glazed window to front with pole and curtains, pendant light, ornate cornice, radiator, open fire with original fire surround and mantle on tiled hearth, TV point, fitted carpet
Kitchen 2.99m x 4.02m Double glazed picture window to rear with rail and curtains, strip-light, cornice, large selection of wall & base units with laminate work tops and tiled splashbacks, acrylic sink with drainer and rinse bowl, mixer tap, integral tricity bendix electric hob and oven, dietrich dishwasher, radiator, fitted carpet, back door
Bedroom one 3.91m x 4.37m Double glazed window to rear with rail and curtains, pendant light, radiator, TV & telephone points, fitted carpet
en-suite 0.91m x 2.74m White WC and wash hand basin, shower cubicle with tile splashbacks, heatrae sadia electric shower, radiator, vinyl floor covering
Landing Original stained window with double glazed unit behind, pendant light, cornice, ornate wooden bannister and balustrade, smoke alarm, fitted carpet
Bedroom two 3.92m x 4.20m Double glazed window to rear with rail and curtains, pendant light, radiator, fitted carpet
Bedroom three 4.09m x 4.42m Double glazed window to front with rail and curtains, pendant light, radiator, fitted carpet
Bedroom four 3.13m x 4.35m Double glazed window to front with rail and curtains, pendant light, cornice, radiator, built-in cupboard with shelves, fitted carpet
Bedroom five 3.04m x 3.00m Double glazed window to rear with rail and curtain, pendant light, cornice, radiator, fitted carpet,
Shower room 1.81m x 1.57m Double glazed window to rear, WC and wash hand basin, tiled shower unit housing aquatonic electric shower, aidelle extractor fan, fitted carpet
Bathroom 2.13m x 3.11m Double glazed window to front with pole and curtain, 3 piece bathroom suite, pendant light, cornice, access to attic, radiator, fitted carpet
Living room/kitchen 6.02m (at widest) x 4.29m
Living room: Double glazed window to front with pole and curtain, pendant light, fitted carpet, rointe electric panel radiator with timer and thermostat, separate electric meter and fuse box, Kitchen: Double glazed window to rear, strip-light, base units with stainless steel sink and drainer, beko electric oven, whirlpool fridge freezer, zanussi washing machine, built in shelved cupboard, fitted carpet
Landing Velux skylight to rear, pendant light, smoke alarm, access to attic, fitted carpet
Bedroom six 5.40m (at widest) x 2.52m Two double glazed windows to front, pendant light, rointe radiator, fitted carpet
Bathroom 2.41m x 1.75m Velux skylight to rear, white WC, wash hand basin and bath, two built in cupboards, wall mounted fan heater, vinyl floor covering
Outside Large over-road garden to front, laid out to lawn with flowerbeds and established shrubs and trees. Driveway to side leading to concreted parking and seating area.
Large garage and workshop: 5.59m x 7.75m Up and over garage door and side door, window to rear, power sockets, strip-lights
Tool shed: Brick built, power and light
Services Mains water, electricity and drainage. Gas central heating.
Council Tax Band – E
Entry Early entry available.
Closing Date Prospective purchasers should note that only parties who have noted interest through their solicitor will be notified should a closing date be fixed. The Seller, however, reserves the right to sell the property without setting a closing date. Offers Should be submitted in Scottish Form to:- Messrs. Grieve, Grierson, Moodie & Walker, Solicitors, 14 Castle Street, Dumfries, DG1 1DR Tel : Fax : The details presented have been carefully prepared and they are believed to be correct, but are not guaranteed and are not in themselves to form the basis of any contract. A purchaser should satisfy himself on the basic facts before a contract is concluded.
- Private garden
- Central heating
- Double glazing
- Fireplace
- Large, well proportioned rooms with many original features
- Self contained annexe house with bedroom, kitchen & bathroom
- Large garage and workshop
- Every category on survey judged 'condition one'
Mortgage Calculator
This information is computer-generated and relies on certain assumptions. It has only been designed to give a useful general indication of costs based on the mortgage details you input.
It's important you always get a specific quote from the lender and double-check the price yourself before acting on the information. Grieve Grierson Moodie & Walker does not act as ether a lender or broker and any example of mortgage costs is not an offer of credit or an indication of likely acceptance by any given lender.
These results are for a repayment mortgage and are only intended as a guide. Your home may be repossessed if you do not keep up repayments on a mortgage.


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Ultimate Tank War 2 Hacked is one of the most popular strategy games offering more wonderful performances. Enjoy the Hacked Ultimate Tank War 2 Game to extend your gaming experiences. You can choose the difficulties before starting the game. Your target is tomake an effort to create your tank fleet and take over the bases of the enemies to become a winner. Remember, your game will end immediately if you have no base at all. Now, let's grab your battle in Hacked Games and see how long you can stay alive!
Use the mouse to control, click on the base to open the build tank menu
Use key W or up arrow key to choose all the units. Tap spacebar to unselect all units
Tap key A or left arrow key to transfer chosen unit back to own base.
Hack news: press key 1 for units cash, key 2 for units life, key 3 for advance points, key 4 for victory.
Hacked Unblocked Games are one of the most popular game categories because of highly entertaining of Hacked Games and variety of Unblocked ones. Many games which belong to these categories are willing to provide the most amazing games in order to burn your freetime and bring you inspiration. Hacked Games are familiar names to many players because they don't have to try so much to reach a high score as they want. Everything in this category will be easier than others since it is hacked. It means that nothing can make you feel difficult. Let's take care of your leisure! - Play Unblocked Games at: Unblocked Games Weebly | Happy Wheels Full Version | Hacked Unblocked Games


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Skippered Charters / Discover Sailing!
Choose From Three Types of Skippered Charters
- Relax and leave the driving to one of our licensed, professional captains.
- Learn by combining a relaxing sail with a private sailing lesson for yourself or group.
- Host your sailing outing with you at the helm and a professional skipper as your crew.
Jump to Skippered Charter Pricing
1. Relax
Looking for a relaxing day on the water? Whether you are visiting Los Angeles, celebrating a special event or simply want to experience Los Angeles from the water's side, a skippered charter is a great way to go.
You are invited to bring all your favorite food and beverages on board and let your captain point out landmarks such as the Getty, the Hollywood Sign and Griffith Park Observatory while you enjoy a delightful sail up the coast. (We can provide delicious offerings as well, please give us a call to discuss.)
All of our captains are also experienced, professional teachers. We welcome anyone (even kids!) to take the helm and get a taste of the wonderful sport of sailing. Don't be surprised if some of our sea lion and dolphin friends follow along on your adventure.
We offer both half day (four-hour) and full day (eight-hour) captained charters.
2. Learn
Are you interested in participating and or learning a bit about sailing? Whether you are considering taking some sailing courses and want to get a taste first, or a student who wants the confidence boost and extra practice with a captain/instructor on board, captained charters are an excellent choice.
If you simply want to see how it feels to be out on the water in a sailboat, a professional captain/instructor will be able to answer your questions and let you take over the helm. We usually recommend four hours for one to four people as this is the perfect amount of time for an introduction. After which most folks come back and want to know how soon they can get out on the water again!
If you are a current or past student at any level, a skippered charter can be helpful in many ways:
- Skippered charters allow you to sail with several friends and/or family members. Even though you might not necessarily feel comfortable taking a large group of friends/family out on your own yet, you'll have the security of having an instructor on board.
- Skippered charters are also a great way to train a first mate or other crew members, whether it's your spouse, partner, kids or friends. Having a professional deliver the instructions can help everyone focus on building solid skills and positive crew communication.
- Taking a skippered charter can also help you sail a larger boat than you might feel comfortable with sailing on your own. Professional captains can point out considerations for larger boat systems, power handling, and sailing skills while underway. A great way to get introduced to the next level up.
Whatever skills, drill or thrills you want to incorporate, booking a skippered charter is always going to be a great choice.
3. Host
Are you a sailor with experience chartering bareboats but don't want to bother with checkouts and membership fees? Then hosting a skippered charter with Bluewater is for you.
- When you host a skippered charter you can take the helm and sail as much as you like with a professional skipper as your crew. Your skipper will share local knowledge of the area and weather conditions as well as advanced techniques aboard.
- When you're ready for a break, or want to join your guests, you can relax knowing that a professional skipper is there to take the helm.
- And all skippered charters include our full concierge service. Our skippers set up the boat before you arrive and clean up after you get back to the dock. A turn-key service that maximizes your time on the water!
Whether you're looking to relax, learn, or host, a Bluewater skippered charter provides the best value for your charter dollars. Professional USCG captains, ASA certified instructors, maximized time on the water, and a full concierge service.
Contact us to book your Skippered Charter today!
Bluewater Sailing offers an entire spectrum of yachts sizes available for bareboat or crewed charters in the Southern California area: daysails, weekends or longer.
Or call +1 (310) 823-5545 for more information.
Skippered Charter Details for Personal Chartering
|Skippered Charters
(Mon – Thu)
(F, S, S) or
|Boat Type
|Boat Name
|1/2 Day
4 hours
|Full Day
8 hours
|1/2 Day
4 hours
|Full Day
8 hours
|Catalina 34′
|Cool Change
|Catalina 309′
|Catalina 36′
|Blue Otter
Prices current as of: September 2019
Interested in adding a sailing lesson to your skippered charter? This is often helpful in preparation for an upcoming class, or as a refresher if you've already been through some training. Please give us a call and we can tailor your skippered charter itinerary and boat for your unique goals.
Looking for a skippered charter for your corporate event or team building? Get all the details you need on our Corporate Events page.
A. Skippered Charter Prices include Captain / Skipper for 1 – 6 people
B. Prices do not include 10% Marina del Rey County Surcharge.
C. Provisioning is not included. Please bring your own special snacks and beverages onboard.
D. A half day is 4 hours. Full day skippered charters (up to 8 hours) are also available on certain boats, please call us for details.
E. Charter prices, terms or conditions subject to change without notice.
F. 50% Non-Refundable & Non-Transferable Deposit required to secure the vessel and her captain
G. Any optional gratuity for exceptional service is always appreciated.
H. We also offer maritime services for Photo shoots, and Film and Television production.
We are very much looking forward to sailing with you!
We are often asked for some guidelines regarding sailing etiquette. The following is a list of items that we have found to be particularly successful over the past 30 years or so of sailing.
Please Bring (if you wish)
— Protection against the SUN: Hat, Sunglasses, Sun Block, Lip Balm, Water
— Layered Clothing (temperatures may be high, medium or low, all in the same day)
if shorts, also bring long pants
if T-shirt, also bring long shirt, windbreaker, sweatshirt or sweater
— Plan to arrive at Bluewater approximately 15 – 20 minutes early in order to complete any final paperwork
— Food and Drink (white wine, water, soft drinks & beer are OK)
Please Avoid
— Black soled shoes or boots (scuff marks), open-toed shoes, hiking boots or high heels
** Flip flops or any type of slip on shoes (unsure footing) **
— Smoking cigarettes, cigars or chew tobacco at any time on board the vessel
— Glass bottles
— Red wine or dark beverages such as cranberry, blueberries and the like to prevent staining the deck
— Hard sided coolers, suitcases, etc. on board
Please note:
Most people are not susceptible to seasickness. However, if you are concerned about this, the following are the most common remedies:
— Let your Captain know early. He or she will be able to help if you ask early!
— Ask to drive the boat, sit up at the mast
— Definitely stay on deck in the fresh air
— Ginger products may help. Try: Tea, Ale, Snaps, Candied Root
— Medication: Dramamine, Bonine, Marezine & Trans-Scopolamine (prescription only)
— If you plan to medicate, implement only a 50% dose and at least one hour before boarding.)
— Acupressure Wrist Bands
— A good night's sleep, lack of alcohol and staying active are the best preventions
Hope this information helps. We are looking forward to sailing with you!
Providing Professional Maritime Services for Over 40 Years!
- Special rates available; $495 / overnight surcharge for vessel sizes up to 45′. (Does not include provisioning or beverages.)
- Skipper prices include Captain / Skipper for 1 – 6 people, but not optional gratuity or bareboat Captain for 7 – 12 people.
- Corporate regattas available for business meetings, team-building or employees in our corporate partnership program – please contact us for details.
- 50% Non – Refundable & Non-Transferable Deposit requested to make booking / reserve charter.
- Bluewater Weather Guaranteed Protection Plan: If it is raining or Small Craft warnings at the time of your charter, you can always reschedule with no problems!
Contact us to book your Skippered Charter today!
Our location is: Bluewater Sailing
13505 Bali Way, Marina del Rey, CA 90292.
Directions from I-405:
Take the 405 to the 90 West (Marina Del Rey Freeway)
90 West ends at Lincoln Blvd. Turn Left onto Lincoln.
The next light is Bali Way. Turn Right onto Bali.
Go straight, through the light at Admiralty Way.
Once you've crossed Admiralty Way, our office is in the first building on the right.
Free Parking at Bluewater Sailing:
Turn right at the "Catalina Yacht Anchorage" sign.
In the driveway, immediately turn right and proceed through the open turnstile.
Park in the reserved area between our building and the road.
The office entrance faces the water.
You'll know you're in the right place when you see the Bluewater Sailing sign.
See and sail with you soon!


text:
The worsening scandal involving priests that abused children over decades, as well as allegations that Cardinal Theodore McCarrick sexually abused young seminarians and priests and that Pope Francis did nothing about it only means one thing: Pope Francis needs to tender his resignation.
The Catholic Church has never been in such a state as it is today. No wonder that Mass attendance throughout this country has continued to drop.
If the pope refuses to step down, a complete lack of trust in the leadership of the Catholic Church will only deepen.
For the good of the Catholic Church, Pope Francis needs to step down, and there needs to be a thorough housecleaning of the Catholic hierarchy across around the world.
John Amato
Fresh Meadows


text:
Just an avid reader. Mostly SF/Fantasy, some hobbies, paranormal, urban fantasy and lighter, fluffier things.
A fitting finale to the Temeraire series.
In many ways, satisfying even. Completion. Maybe not exactly as predicted or everything wanted, but fitting and makes sense for the storyline and characters.
But, oh my, am I sorrowed to see this series end.
I'm not sure what else I can say that wouldn't be a spoiler or endless fangirl gushing.
I will be missing Laurence and Temeraire. The series ended with them settling into a new chapter of their lives ( not at all a cliffhanger but clearly lives go on); maybe someday the author will pursue that.


text:
This is Dan from Primal4Life bringing you a " Chicken & Broccoli Rabe Sandwich." Since I was a child I have always loved broccoli rabe. Call me crazy, but I did… I love that bitter taste, and add on the power of garlic; you know it's good for you. Perhaps that was something I picked up at a young age, the ability to know which foods are good for you and which aren't. Today, I make full use that sense, as you can see in this post… Nothing but healthy ingredients on my plate people! And that's why I reach for Paleo Bread™ when I create a sandwich! The coconut is generally my flavor of choice, and today I combine that low carb, grain free, low calorie bread with a nice piece of chicken thigh… Why the thigh? Like the coconut bread, dark meat is packed with nutrients from the good fats. Dark meat gets a bad rap because of fat. But fat really isn't the villain that it was made out to be. In fact, fat is your friend, and that is why I usually pass on the white meat and always go for the nutrient dense dark meat. Next I throw some garlic slivers in with the broccoli rabe, yeah so what my breath may not be roses and fairy-dust… But my body will continue to be in tip top shape, with its anti-inflammatory properties fighting their way down through my system. And, garlic tastes good, dude! Finally, we season this up with some Paleo Powder, a great tasting seasoning that is sure to satisfy anyone that enjoys a little flavor. So let's get down to the nitty-gritty here…
• 2 slices Paleo Bread™
• 1 chicken thigh
• hand full of broccoli rabe
• 1 garlic clove, slivered
• Paleo Powder to taste
• Sea salt to taste
• Coconut oil
1) Cook chicken in frying pan with coconut oil
2) Add Paleo Powder to chicken
3) When chicken is about half done, start broccoli rabe in another frying pan with coconut oil
4) Cook Paleo Bread™ in toaster oven
5) Add slivered garlic to broccoli rabe
6) Add sea salt to taste
7) When all three items are complete, assemble
Prep Time:
• 4 minutes
Cook Time:
• 15 minutes
• 1
Once again I was allowed to enjoy a great meal, bringing my taste-buds back to my younger years… Broccoli rabe, chicken, garlic, and some delicious bread! Paleo Bread! As I was devouring this delish-wich, the bread was soaking up the juice from the broccoli rabe and garlic, and it was absolutely amazing. Yes, I am a dunker, and I love soaked bread. You busted me… But the lesson to be had today is that you too can enjoy great sandwich combos and not have to suffer the consequences of bloating, insulin spikes, or other issues that are typical of your everyday grains. Paleo Bread ensures that you are getting a low carb and grain free sandwich, made from GMO-free ingredients that truly keep you and your body happy.
So while you are strolling down the road in La Jolla, California, stop on into Julian Bakery and grab your Paleo Bread, Paleo Powder and tons of other great items that they offer so you can make this meal and stock up your pantry… You aren't in La Jolla? Well then order up online like I do! Cali to Connecticut in no time, and my bread is in the same amount of slices as it left the store! Or use their store locator through their easy to use website…
I hope you enjoyed reading and watching this meal come together, and have a lovely day!
Paleo Bread Blog Primal French Onion Soup & Paleo Bread Recipe


text:
Three Hits And Runs Batted In For Rademacher
(Central Islip, NY – July 23, 2019) – The New Britain Bees (3-7, 38-41) defeated the Long Island Ducks (5-5, 48-32) 6-3 at Bethpage Ballpark on Tuesday night in the opener of a four-game midweek series between Liberty Division rivals.
New Britain starting pitcher Cory Riordan (4-4) picked up the victory after allowing two runs on two hits (two home runs) in five innings pitched, walking and striking out one while retiring 15 of the final 18 batters he faced. Long Island starting pitcher Seth Simmons (5-6) suffered the loss, surrendering five runs (four earned runs) on ten hits across six and one-third innings on the mound, walking three while striking out seven and tossing a wild pitch. Jose Rosario closed the ballgame out for his fifth save of the season.
New Britain took a 1-0 advantage just two batters into the matchup courtesy of a run-scoring three base hit all the way to the wall in right centerfield off the bat of Zach Collier that allowed Darren Ford to cross the plate after he gave the keynote in the contest by lacing a clean single. The next batter was Bijan Rademacher, and he drove in Collier with a groundout to the right side of the infield. Long Island tied the game at two in the home half of the second frame by way of back-to-back solo home runs to left by David Washington and D'Arby Myers. The Bees answered right back the next half inning to jump out in front 3-2 as Rademacher plated Ford with an RBI base knock after Ford began the rally with yet another leadoff single. The visitors increased their advantage to 5-2 in the sixth on a pair of errors committed by leftfielder Ezequiel Carrera and second baseman L.J. Mazzilli. Myers cut the deficit to 5-3 with an infield single in the last of the seventh, but that was as close as the Flock would get on this evening as the relief duo of Tyler Danish and Rosario retired all six batters they faced to close the game out for the boys from the Hardware City, while Rademacher put the icing on the cake in the ninth with a solo blast to right for his 9th roundtripper of the season which gave the game its final score of 6-3. Rademacher led the way offensively with three of New Britain's 13 hits en route to the victory as seven batters in the Bees lineup had at least one hit. Photo provided courtesy of Joe Doll.
The Bees return to New Britain Stadium on Tuesday, July 30th when they welcome the 2019 First Half Liberty Division Champion Long Island Ducks to the Hardware City for a three-game midweek series while also kicking off a six-game homestand. First pitch is scheduled for 6:35 P.M. It will be another Two-fer Tuesday for all fans! Don't miss out on the Bees BOGO deal every Tuesday home game! Buy one regular priced ticket, get one FREE when you purchase online at www.nbbees.com, by phone at (860) 826-BEES (2337), or at the Bees Box Office. CLICK HERE for tickets.
About the New Britain Bees
The New Britain Bees are members of the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball and play their home games at New Britain Stadium. For information on ticket packages, group outings and sponsorships call 860-826-BEES (2337) or visit NBBees.com.
About the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball (ALPB)
With eight teams in the Mid-Atlantic and Texas, the ALPB is a leader in baseball innovation and a player gateway to Major League Baseball. Through its exclusive partnership with MLB, the Atlantic League tests Major League Baseball rules and equipment initiatives. The Atlantic League has sent over 900 players to MLB organizations while drawing more than 40 million fans to its affordable, family-friendly ballparks throughout its 22-year history. For more information, please visit www.AtlanticLeague.com.