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As the number of foreign visitors to Japan continues to rise, dispensing pharmacies and drugmakers are stepping up efforts to better serve customers who speak little Japanese.
In the run-up to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics and Paralympics, pharmacists, along with doctors and nurses feel strong need to help visitors from overseas and resident foreigners understand medicines prescribed to them.
The number of foreign visitors to the country topped 10 million a year for the first time in 2013 and hit 24 million in 2016, according to government data.
In Otemachi, a major business and financial district in Tokyo's Chiyoda Ward, one of the Ain drugstores often receives customers of different nationalities -- serving six or seven a day is not unusual -- as there is a clinic in the same building frequently visited by foreigners.
The drugstore's parent company, Sapporo-based Ain Pharmaciez Inc., assigns staff proficient in English to the Otemachi store.
Miho Mitadera, the head of the store, said that while doctors explain medicines to their patients, pharmacists also need to describe how and when the drugs should be taken, or how to use medical devices like inhalers.
Foreign customers often write down pharmacists' explanations but stores must also provide packages and written directions that are helpful for them, she said.
In addition to language problems, there are cultural and custom differences that pharmacists need to bear in mind, she pointed out.
For instance, she said, "there seem to be few powder medicines in the United States, so I've been asked whether they dissolve powder medicines in water," while it is common knowledge for Japanese that such medicines are to be taken as they are with water.
For those who speak foreign languages other than English, her store has subscribed to a telephone-based service to have interpreters knowledgeable with medical terminologies.
An outlet of Nozomi pharmacy in Tokyo's Koto Ward, meanwhile, uses a notebook on which expected conversations with foreign customers are written in Japanese and English, together with some illustrations.
Staff here can communicate with foreign customers by pointing at the notebook.
The pharmacy is located in a neighborhood with many residents who came from India and Nepal on business, bringing their families along with them.
Sometimes mothers with children from such families visit the pharmacy to get medicines prescribed by a pediatric hospital nearby. They do not necessarily speak Japanese.
Haruka Hirose, a pharmacist at the store, came up with the idea of compiling the conversation notebook after discovering Joho Center Publishing Co.'s "point-and-speak phrasebook of travel" very useful during her travel abroad.
"Do you speak Japanese?" the notebook begins. It continues to questions about such subjects as health insurance and personal medication-record pocketbooks used in the Japanese medical scenes.
The Nozomi pharmacy is one of 22 stores pharmacy chain operator Forall runs in the Kanto region centering on the greater Tokyo area.
"There should be no mistakes in taking medicines," said Yoshiko Amemiya, a senior manager of Forall. "We should bear in mind the importance of maintaining the safety and security of medicines for customers including foreigners."
Forall plans to expand measures to become more foreigner-friendly, she said. The measures include introducing English conversation classes for employees and compiling an English communication notebook to be used for nutritional guidance.
As for drugmakers, an industry group named RAD-AR Council Japan has been intensifying its efforts to translate drug information leaflets, which drugmakers distribute to pharmacists, into English.
Pharmacists use the leaflets as a reference when they explain about effects and side-effects of medicines to customers.
In 2010, less than 10 percent of the leaflets had been translated into English, prompting calls for a greater effort. If there were at least English versions, translation into other languages would be easier, drugmakers were told.
The group, whose name comes from its report "Risk/benefit Assessment of Drugs-Analysis and Response," has been setting guidelines for definitions and a uniform writing style for drug explanations.
By now, 6,700 of a total of 15,600 existing leaflets have been translated into English. The proportion is still only a little over 40 percent.
"We want to increase the number (of English-version leaflets) to at least 10,000 by the 2020 Olympics," said Osamu Kurihara, head of the group's "concordance committee."
The group has released the English-version explanations along with Japanese versions on its internet website as well.
The site should be useful for not only pharmacists but also Japanese who travel overseas carrying their medicines, he said, adding the group is also preparing communication tools to be used at drugstores.


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This show is archived at Patreon.
In this episode I'll talk about snare cable, how to choose it and why. Your cable is the most important part of a snare so make sure you understand it.
If you are interested in more, you can visit my website at MeatTrapper.com . You can also visit my YouTube channel at MeatTrapper YouTube Channel.

subset: commoncrawl


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This sweet dove is hand drawn and hand cut from sterling silver with a copper heart. Kindly note, due to it one being handmade, each one will be slightly different and unique. It comes with a sterling silver 45 cm chain.
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Jack Handey Deep Thoughts Quotes
|Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.
|To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand,' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'
|If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.
|Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
|I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
|I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.
|If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
|You know one thing that will really make a woman mad Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)
|I remember how my Great Uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.
|You know something that would really make me applaud A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis How do they do that
|Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.
|Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
|Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody First, take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled-up napkin, and take that out too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.
|How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol How about the pillow It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak.
|Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.
|One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.
|Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
|If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once or twice and then throw it away. Make him practice on it, every day, for about three hours a day. Later, he'll thank you.
|If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it's some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY
|I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, 'What was THAT'
|Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.
|Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing
|When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.
|If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
|If I ever do a book on the Amazon, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that will tell the reader we are going to have fun with this thing.
|If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
|What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby Maybe we'll never know.
|I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.
|If you're in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy's glove touch your lips, because you don't know where that glove has been.
|I hope that after I die, people will say of me 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
|If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting
|If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
|If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
|If you're an archaeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it's not a skull but just an old dried-out potato.
|To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
|Instead of a Seeing Eye dog, what about a gun It's cheaper than a dog, plus if you walk around shooting all the time people are going to get out of the way. Cars, too
|I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.
|Whenever I need to get away,'' I just get away in my mind. I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect. The only bad thing there are the flies. They're terrible
|Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions
|Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in THAT.''
|Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don't think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass.
|I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
|If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
|I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him.
|Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.
|If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.
|I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when someone kills someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.
|There are many stages to a man's life. In the first stage, he is young and eager, like a beaver. In the second stage, he wants to build things, like dams, and maybe chew down some trees. In the third stage, he feels trapped, and then 'skinned.'' I'm not sure what the fourth stage is.
|When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves. And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.
|For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
|I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
|Can't the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they've caused
|I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. 'That was fun,' I said. 'You bet it was,' said Nick. 'Let's climb higher.' 'No,' I said. 'I think we should be heading back now.' 'We have time,' Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.
|Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus's-flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
|After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, 'Hey, old buddy, how's it going'
|When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, 'Hey, good job.'
|I think a new, different kind of bowling should be 'carpet bowling.' It's just like regular bowling, only the lanes are carpet instead of wood. I don't know why we should do this, but my God, we've got to try something
|A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
|I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.
|It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
|I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along, low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground. Now that's a documentary
|The old pool shooter had won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing to the floor. 'Sorry,' he said with a smile.
|I wish I lived on a planet that had two suns---regular sun and 'rogue' sun. That way, when somebody asked me what time it was, I'd say, 'Regular time' And they'd say, 'Yeah.' And I'd say, 'Sorry, all I have is rogue time.' It'd be fun to be a stuck-up rogue-time guy.
|I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't pretend to even know what the questions are. Hey, where am I
|If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I'd glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised. 'Wait a minute I thought WE won'
|Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
|Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new nickname for yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname 'Fly Head'. Normally, you would think that 'Fly Head' would mean a person who had beautiful swept-back features, as if flying though the air. But think again. Couldn't it also mean 'having a head like a fly' I'm afraid some people might actually think that.
|Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.
|If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.
|If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
|One thing about my Aunt Nadie She was gruff on the outside, but if you ever needed something, like a spanking or a scolding, she'd give it to you.
|I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our 'friend.'
|Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone That way, he learns that 'wishing' isn't going to save our national forests.
|If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
|It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto the plains, where some were probably hit by cars.
|I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, 'Maybe instead of telling you what sex is, why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you.' So we did, and there on the ground were my parents having sex.
|If you ever feel like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown, just follow these simple rules First, calm down second, come over and wash my car third, shine all my shoes. There, isn't that better
|You know what would make a good story Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
|Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
|The sound of fresh rain run-off splashing from the roof reminded me of the sound of urine splashing into a filthy Texaco latrine.
|It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
|Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one.
|The old-timers around here still shake their heads and chuckle about that city slicker who came through, trying to peddle 'hair restorer.' He took everyone's money in a poker game, so when he tried to sell the bottles of hair restorer, nobody had any money left to buy it
|You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don't even care, do you.
|Some folks say it was a miracle. Saint Francis suddenly appeared and knocked the next pitch clean over the fence. But I think it was just a lucky swing.
|When this girl at the museum asked me who I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, 'I like mayonnaise.' She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.
|Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable. Then just walk up to them and go, 'Hey, have you seen Fred' And they'll say, 'Fred who' And you say, 'Fred of snakes' Then cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.
|I bet if you were a mummy wrapper in ancient Egypt, on thing you would constantly find yourself telling people would be, 'Be sure, before I start, you have all the jewelry and so forth on the body, because I am NOT unwrapping him later.'
|The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
|If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while Come on, we're not going to hurt it.
|Why do the caterpillar and the ant have to be enemies One eats leaves, and the other eats caterpillars. Oh, I see now.
|Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I 'swarm about' to protect my nest of chocolate eggs.
|If you see an animal and you can't tell if it's a skunk or a cat, here's a good saying to help 'Black-and-white, stinks all right. Tabby-colored, likes a fella.'
|If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'
|If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
|If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance.
|I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.
|If someone told me it wasn't 'fashionable' to talk about freedom, I think I'd just have to look him square in the eye and say, 'Okay, YOU TELL ME what's fashionable'.' But he won't. And you know why Because you can't ask someone what's fashionable in a smart-alecky way like that. You have to be friendly and say, 'By the way, what's fashionable'
|Here's a good gag if you go swimming in a swamp and when you come out you're all covered with leeches. Just say, 'Hey, has anybody seen my raisins' (Because leeches kind of look like big raisins.)
|To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can't remember, all rolled into one big 'thing.' This is truth, to me.
|A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet, then open a door and there's the monster, sound asleep.
|Isn't it funny how we'll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it's not the moon but a streetlight Also what's funny is how we do this every night.
|Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because I bet you'd be amazed at all the stuff that comes flying out.
|It seemed to me that, somehow, the blue jay was trying to communicate with me. I would see him fly into the house across the way, pick up the telephone, and dial. My phone would ring, and it would be him, but it was just this squawking and cheeping. 'What What' I would yell back, but he never did speak English.
|There should be a detective show called 'Johnny Monkey,' because every week you could have a guy say 'I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY,' but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that.
|Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.
|If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your act, I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, 'Forgive me, but that's just too much.'
|I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After a while, though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He see two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.
|Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a 'shell' if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags.
|My new millionaire idea is one regular shoe and one 'swollen' shoe, for when you get bit by a rattlesnake.
|I think somebody should come up with a way to breed a very large shrimp. That way, you could ride him, then after you camped at night, you could eat him. How about it, science
|I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president. Then somehow I get myself elected president.
|Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
|I remember when I was in the army, we had the toughest drill sergeant in the world. He'd get right up next to your face and yell, and if you didn't have the right answers, mister, you'd be peeling potatoes or changing the latrine. Hey, wait. I wasn't in the army. Then who WAS that guy
|I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF
|If you're ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes out and he's dragging the rattrap because it didn't quite kill him, just tell the people he's your pet and that's a trick you taught him.
|I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise, it makes no sense.
|I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, 'If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky.' Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
|He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, 'Dust to dust,' some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, 'I'll be waiting for you in heaven---with a gun.'
|I don't think I'm ever more 'aware' than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.
|Worship the potato The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship It's simple, it comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it.
|If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we BUILD to that.
|Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch A jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
|Happiness is not a circus clown rolling around in a big tractor tire so that his arms and legs form 'spokes.' Happiness is when he stops.
|If you're traveling in a time machine, and you're eating corn on the cob, I don't think it's going to affect things one way or the other. But here's the point I'm trying to make Corn on the cob is good, isn't it.
|The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car---I forget what kind it was---and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called 'Dad.' We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
|I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, 'Tadpoles Tadpoles is a winner' We all thought he was crazy. But then, we had some growing up to do.
|In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
|I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes Hey, better try the emergency brake
|Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way.
|You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests Just a big bag of blood.
|If there's ever an amusement park called Bag World, I bet it would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of 'bag.'
|Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, mankind should be thinking about getting more use out of the weapons we already have.
|Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go 'Whoa Whoa' and flail your arms around, like you're going to fall in.
|To me, there's no better symbol for the world than a grasshopper lying dead on a gravel road, and maybe there's a globe lying next to him.
|When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
|You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of 'accidentally' brand each other every once in a while. It's their way of letting off stress.
|I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat so much.
|If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, 'Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.
|Many people never stop to realize that a tree is a living thing, not that different from a tall, leafy dog that has roots and is very quiet.
|If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.
|To us, it might look like just a rag. But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than that. It was a flag of surrender. And after that, it was torn up and used for shoe-shine rags, so the men would look nice for the surrender.
|If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised.
|Marta said I don't seem to like to read fiction very much. 'I guess you're not an afictionado',' she said. Poor Marta. For all her reading, she doesn't even know the right word.
|If I was a father in a waiting room, and the nurse came out and said, 'Congratulations, it's a girl,' I think a good gag would be to get real mad and yell, 'A girl You must have me mixed up with THAT dork' and point to another father.
|When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, 'No speaka English.'
|If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled would just drive you up a wall.
|I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size, and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground and live there. But don't ever call us 'ants,' because we hate that.
|If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
|Laurie got offended that I used the word 'puke.' But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
|The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then, I told myself, 'Go ahead and do whatever you want, it's okay by me.'
|It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.
|If I ever become a mummy, I'm going to have it so when somebody opens my lid, a boxing glove on a spring shoots out.
|I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins in it, because do you hide from it or not
|I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you, as a sort of courtesy.
|Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered they were not Indians at all, but dirty clothes hampers.
|The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.'
|If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip. Even if they smash you, ick, you're all over their lip
|If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a subject.
|Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our 'stink' around. The second is we both get hit by cars a lot. The third is stripes.
|Here's a good tip for when you go to the beach A sand dollar may look like a nice cracker that someone left, but trust me, they don't taste like it.
|I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, 'You know what will save the world You're holding it in your hand.' And the other scientist looks, and in his hand are peanuts. Then when he looks up, the first scientist is being taken away to the insane asylum.
|As we were driving, we saw a sign that said 'Watch For Rocks.' Marta said it should read 'Watch For PRETTY Rocks.' I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke---just to get out of writing a simple letter And I thought I was lazy
|Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words---'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
|When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, 'Why you stupid, stupid bastard' Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life.
|I wish there was a disease where you're afraid of clouds, because I think I could cure it. First, you sit the patient down and have a long personal talk. After that, I'm not sure, but maybe you could throw some water in his face or something.
|If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it
|If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening, I bet you would get booed right off the stage. They're just not ready.
|Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up.
|Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
|When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often.
|As the evening sun faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.
|What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lie down and go to sleep.
|People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.
|Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen's round metal hat.
|Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me
|As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling Sometimes it seemed that way.
|Whenever anyone says 'I can't,' it makes me wish he'd get stung to death by about ten thousand bees. When he says 'I'll try,' five thousand bees. ('I can,' one bee.)
|Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in his car and keep driving.
|I'd rather be rich than stupid.
|If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, 'I swallowed it. So sue me.'
|People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.
|The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
|I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds with my name on it.
|I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
|How come, just as the rocket is launching, the astronauts don't also shoot some fireworks out the window It would make the whole takeoff look more impressive.
|I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.
|When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe.
|We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap
|It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at the Marineland says, 'You can't throw chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish.' Sure they eat fish, if that's all you give them. Man, wise up.
|People just naturally assume that dogs would be incapable of working together on some sort of construction project. But what about just a big field full of holes
|One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
|If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity 'happen.'
|Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait. Not me, you.
|If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)
|I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.
|If doctors ever tell you that you've 'flipped out,' don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me 'the Man' is behind this.
|To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
|Isn't it funny how whenever we go to a county fair or a state fair, the first thing we do is see if they have some kind of pornography booth
|During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were 'just going down to the corner.'
|If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, 'Injection I thought you said inspection'.' They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.
|Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture.
|As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable---until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD
|Sometimes I think the so-called experts actually ARE experts.
|If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's really embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
|A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.
|I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, 'Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship.' Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship.
|If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith.
|I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call 'image fuzz-out.' But I've never even seen a radarscope, so I wouldn't totally go by what I've just said here.
|If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
|I wonder if the polite thing to do is always the right thing to do. When I met the family from Japan, they all bowed. I pretended like I was going to bow, but then I just kept going and flipped over on my back. I did this five times. I think they got the point.
|If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny.
|When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
|I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick 'Americans' as their mascot.
|Let's be honest Isn't a lot of what we call tap dancing really just nerves
|I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo, I'd have all my money back.
|When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy.
|The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. 'Uh-oh,' he thought. 'This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.'
|If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.
|If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted.
|If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby.
|I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what They never find him. And you know why they never find him It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.
|Contrary to popular belief, the most dangerous animal is not the lion or tiger or even the elephant. The most dangerous animal is a shark riding on an elephant, just trampling and eating everything they see.
|I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he was nice, that he just didn't know how to show it. The meanest man in town, I said, was the mean old guy who lived in the big white house. 'THAT'S MISTER SWENSON,' they said. Oh, my mistake.
|If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have 'under' in them, because that's probably the first sign of jungle madness.
|Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.
|We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.
|Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how about individual push buttons on each desk That way, when you want to ask a question, you just push the button and it lights up a corresponding number on a tote board at the front of the class. Then all the professor has to do is check the lighted number against a master sheet of names and numbers to see who is asking the question.
|Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise.
|Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags
|Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING
|I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, 'Looking for gold, ya durn fool.' He'd say, 'Your pick is gold.' And I'd say, 'well, that was easy.' Good joke, huh
|We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.
|The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor---through some kind of space warp or something. 'Go, Bob, go' yelled one of the generals. 'Give me that' said the big-guy general as he took the microphone away. 'Listen, Bob,' he said. 'You've got to steer that meteor away from Earth.' 'Yes, but how' thought Bob. Then he got an idea. Right next to him there was a steering wheel sticking out of the meteor.
|You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But I'm telling you, I will bark at any sound I hear and it will drive you crazy.
|I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.
|The other day I got out my can opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, 'What am I doing'
|What am I afraid of I'll tell you a feather. that's right, a feather. How could anyone be afraid of a feather, you say. That's an honest question, and I'll try to give it an honest answer. First of all, did I say it was a poison feather
|I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF Is anyone listening to me
|I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.
|Isn't it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next minute you're just driving real fast, swerving back and forth across the road
|Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, 'Think again, bat man.'
|Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.
|If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you.
|It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
|If you make ships in a bottle, I bet the thing that really makes your heart sink is when you look in, and there at the wheel is Captain Termite.
|I remember we were all horrified to see Grandpa up on the roof with his Superman cape on. 'Get down' yelled Uncle Lou. 'Don't move' screamed Grandma. But Grandpa wouldn't listen. He walked to the edge of the roof and stuck out his arms, like he was going to fly. I forget what happened after that.
|I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
|It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.
|I don't think God put me on this planet to judge others. I think he put me on this planet to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.
|If aliens from outer space ever come and we show them our civilization and they make fun of it, we should say we were just kidding, that this isn't really our civilization, but a gag we hoped they would like. Then we tell them to come back in twenty years to see our REAL civilization. After that, we start a crash program of coming up with an impressive new civilization. Either that, or just shoot down the aliens as they're waving good-bye.
|The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did Good for him
|I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
|If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day, up on deck, I guess I'd go, but I'd try to find some excuse to leave early.
|I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little bits of cheese They probably break down into their various gases before they even hit.
|If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
|I think my favorite monster movie is 'Gone With the Wind', because it has that ear monster and that big-dress monster.
|Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.
|If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife Trust me, it's not.
|It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you.
|One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
|I remember how, in college, I got that part-time job as a circus clown, and how the children would laugh and laugh at me. I vowed, then and there, that I would get revenge.
|If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.
|It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
|If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
|I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like 'Hey, when are you going to pay me that hundred dollars you owe me' or 'Do you have that fifty dollars you borrowed' Man, quit being so cheap
|I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
|If you ever discover that what you're seeing is a play within a play, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the ride of your life.
|Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home, his face might burn up.
|I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could probably use a cheap ice pick.
|If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade.
|A quiz If I am my brother's keeper, who am I (Answer me.)
|I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending that he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
|I think a good way to get in a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start yowling and running around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, 'Hey, let's put him in the movie.'
|If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I'd try to stay near the back. That way, if somebody shamed us into disbanding, I could sort of slip off to the side and pretend I was window-shopping or something.
|I bet what happened was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel.
|Just because swans mate for life, I don't think it's that big of a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks that much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life
|Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve something that stings you, then laughs at you.
|I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain.
|If you're pretty happy, but you have a little Chihuahua that's always biting you on the ankles, still that's pretty good isn't it I'm going to go ahead and keep you in the 'happy' category.
|If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, 'Boy, these are good cigars'
|Something tells me that the first mousetrap wasn't designed to catch mice at all, but to protect little cheese 'gems' from burglars.
|Whenever I open a door, I pull on the doorknob real hard, because isn't there a saying that if it comes off in your hand, you can rear back and throw it as hard as you can I thought I heard that somewhere.
|If I could be a bird, I think I'd be a penguin, because then I could walk around on two feet with a lot of other guys like me.
|Don't ever get your speedometer confused with your clock, like I did once, because the faster you go, the later you think you are.
|Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, 'Aw, who cares' And then I think, 'Hey, what's for supper'
|I don't say that the bird is 'good' or the bat is 'bad.' But I will say this At least the bird is less nude.
|If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.
|Many people do not realize that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides walking on snow. For instance, it can be used to carry pancakes from the stove to the breakfast table. Also, it can be used to carry uneaten pancakes from the table to the garbage. Finally, it can be used as a kind of stainer, where you force pancakes through the strings to see if a piece of gold got in a pancake somehow.
|Instead of having 'answers' on a math test, they should just call them 'impressions,' and if you got a different 'impression,' so what, can't we all be brothers
|It's easy to sit and scoff at an old man's folly. But also, check out his Adam's apple
|One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
|When Rick told me he was having trouble with his wife, I had to laugh. Not because of what he said, but because of a joke I thought of. I told him the joke, but he didn't laugh very much. Some friend HE is.
|It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets his wings. But what they don't tell you is, every time you hear a mousetrap snap, an angel gets set on fire.
|If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, 'Well, technically that's illegal.' It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party.
|You know how to paint a room real fast Just put paint rollers on your feet and somehow figure out how to skate up the walls and across the ceiling.
|I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I was at his house and that tied-up man with the gag in his mouth came hopping out of the closet and started yelling that HE was really my grandfather and the other guy was an imposter and to run for help. Who was that guy Oh, well, never saw HIM again.
|When I heard that trees grow a new 'ring' for each year they live, I thought, we humans are kind of like that we grow a new layer of skin each year, and after many years we are thick and unwieldy from all of our skin layers.
|Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, 'Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know.' He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought 'This story isn't too long.' But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, 'Uh-oh, this story is getting long.' But then the story was over, and I said to myself 'You know, that story wasn't too long after all.' I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though.
|You know what makes good hair for a snow man REAL hair. Don't ask me why, but it works.
|I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
|Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
|Carl would have to be fast to beat the stranger. Real fast. 'Draw,' said the stranger. Carl went for his gun, but then 'Hey, where did all these angels come from'
|When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too close.
|If you're trying to remember a happy memory, don't think back to a time when you were ALSO thinking of a happy memory, because man, how long does this go on
|If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, 'Can't you make it shoot farther' No. I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots.
|If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus.
|I think Superman and Santa Claus are actually the same guy, and I'll tell you why Both fly, both wear red, and both have a beard.
|If I had the time to sit down and write a thank-you note to everyone who sent me a nice, expensive present, what a wonderful world that would be
|If you had to list the different types of haircuts in order of how warm they kept the head, you'd probably put the flat-top down near the bottom. But you know, I bet it's surprisingly warm.
|Whether they live in an igloo or a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world all want the same thing a better house
|Blow ye winds, like the trumpet blows but without that noise.
|When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can't think of a single one, unless you count that rattlesnake that granted me all those wishes.


text:
A CNN news anchor was left stunned when comedian Joan Rivers walked out midway into an interview in protest over her 'negative' line of questioning.
Fredricka Whitfield had been chatting to the Fashion Police presenter about her work as a comedian and her new book 'Diary of A Mad Diva,' when Rivers told her she was ending the interview because it had 'become a defensive interview on her part'.
Whitfield, who later said she had thought the whole thing was a stunt initially had asked Rivers how she felt about some of the 'mean' comments that she made about people while hosting Fashion Police. The Presenter then went on to ask about 'boundaries' or the lack thereof in Joan's approach to work, citing recent jokes about the death of a teenager in her book and a reference to princess Diana's love life- all of which River's defended herself saying comedy was a medium of escapism from life's worries.
Ironically, the interview had begun on a very good note with both parties even joking about what makes a good interviewer and what doesn't; a topic River's wrote about in her book.
The last straw, however, came when Whitfield touched on the fact that the 81 year old wore fur to her book launch even though she knew animal rights campaigners would be there.
'Are you wearing leather shoes?' River's retorted…adding that the presenter was 'not the one to interview a person who does humour, sorry,' she said, before storming off the set.
In a full broadcast of the interview on national telly, Whitfield admitted that the comedian had kept her mic on as she stalked off the set letting rip a few unpleasant four letter words.
See the clip here


text:
So now I am desperately looking for a mobile ballet bar that we could use for the party, I know this would make her dreams come true!! This party has been a long time in the making and I know she has every aspect detailed in her head! We haven't had a party for her in a few years and I love making my girls feel special!
But in 2 weeks from tomorrow, my little buba will be turning 1!!! I can't believe it! This past year has just flown by. I feels like only yesterday we were in hospital and now my little star will become a big girl! Who knows what we will do, I'm thinking afternoon tea at home, but hubby isn't keen, I might just have to bat my eye lids a little more!! Ha!!
Well this month has been a busy one, and that will continue into June and July too! But I love having things to do and places and people to visit, keeps life interesting! And fills the pages on here too;)


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Tag Archives: history
X Marks the Spot: UNESCO, Korea EditionLeave a comment
May 29, 2013 by travelinggrits
The 10 cultural and natural properties on the UNESCO World Heritage list in Korea: Changdeokgung palace complex Gochang, Hwasun and …
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Final Destination1
May 29, 2013 by travelinggrits
I'm still in disbelief that I have less than two months remaining in my grant year. Perhaps the first realization …
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Riding the WaveLeave a comment
April 18, 2013 by travelinggrits
The biggest rocks on my bucket list for Korea focused on experiencing this country's rich cultural history, whether through visiting …
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Small Talk1
March 12, 2013 by travelinggrits
One day, as a guest at a cocktail party, I'll regale friends with stories of my trip to Thailand. My …
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The Magical Mystery Tour6
February 24, 2013 by travelinggrits
The taxi jolted to a halt, and the car door and trunk sprung open simultaneously – reminiscent of the flying …
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Massage Therapy & Skin Care
Aaahhh…..there's nothing like the soothing relief of hot stones to melt away your aches and pains. This luxurious treatment involves the placement and use of heated stones on pressure points and muscle tissue. The heat from the stones penetrates the muscle tissue and softens fascia (connective tissue) to allow a deeper massage with more comfort. The stones increase relaxation and enhance your overall feeling of well-being.


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New Delhi: Concerned about the rise in doping violations, chief national badminton coach Pullela Gopichand today suggested setting up of a 24×7 medical helpline to ensure that sportspersons don't use over-the- counter drugs.
The former All England champion came up with the suggestion during the sixth meeting of the All India Council of Sports (AICS) chaired by Vijay Kumar Malhotra.
"Shri Gopichand mentioned that most of the sportspersons take off the counter medicines like Corex and get caught in dope. In the recent case of women athlete also, it is doubted that she took medicine for stomach upset and got caught in dope," the AICS said in a statement.
"Shri Gopichand suggested that NADA should create a 24×7 helpline so as to enable sportspersons to seek advice before taking any medicine."
Sprint queen P T Usha pointed out that only two dope collecting officials are deployed for a large numbers of sportspersons
"During this time, there are chances of inter-changing the dope samples."
Sports Authority of India's director general Injeti Srinivas said it would be better if each federation appoints an expert director for each discipline, one who should be available to give advice to their respective sportspersons.
The SAI DG also mentioned that as a precautionary measure, the dope collecting officers are regularly changed to avoid any vested interested.
Malhotra expressed his anguish over the rampant cases of dope and the recent media coverage "tarnishing the image of not only sports but also the image of the country".


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Hi folks,
Do you have a Warhammer 40K character that particularly resonates with you? Perhaps there is a character that you have used more than any other, or one that has a particularly interesting background story. Maybe they allow you to use your favourite army in a certain way, which improves the whole gaming experience for you.
When I first laid eyes on the Angels of Death Codex, Supreme Grand Masters Azrael immediately caught my interest. His stats were average for his rank (lots of 7s for those who know what I am talking about), which put him behind the likes of Dante and Mephiston, who were also in the book. He had a higher strategy rating, which meant a higher chance of getting the first turn. He had the Sword of Secrets, which could take heads pretty well, and a combi-plasma which could put out a fairly high volume of shots. He also came with a nifty little helmet bearer, which provided a protective bubble of invulnerable saves. Rules-wise, pretty solid. But more than this... his sword was also a key. The helmet bearer wasn't human. The helmet wasn't his.
For the sake of that first game, I made a cardboard cut-out to represent Azrael. I took on a squad of Wolf Guard Terminators and Ragnar Blackmane, which I picked off with my Devastators under the cover of the Lion Helm. When I started running out of bodies, I ran Azrael up the field and gutted the Wolf Guard in close combat. We ended the game after many, many, turns of Azrael and Blackmane trading blows and making saves. As far as Lion and the Wolf games go, it was an epic first encounter.
40K had sunk its' hooks into me.
I couldn't afford any 40K miniatures for a long time after my first game, so I made a bunch of these folded card proxies. I couldn't afford a codex either, so I painstakingly hand copied the Dark Angels army list to use. That kept me going in the game for about a year! At some stage I started getting some pocket money, which a spent on 3rd edition Magic: The Gathering cards. I had a great time playing MtG with my mates and won a heap of cards playing ante. When it got stale, I sold them off* and bought my first 40K figures. When Legion of the Damned didn't work out for me ("too cheesy", cried my soulless** friends). I turned to my first love: Dark Angels. I did end up getting an Azrael figure; KuriboGoomba threatened to eat my helmet bearer after one fateful game, but I painted it pretty badly.
Fast forward 20 years, and I sent Sgt Waz off with an Azrael proxy that I had converted (me and Azrael proxies go way back). He returned with this beauty.
|I will call him "chip"
To ensure that he fit in with the rest of my army, I replaced some of the red and white of the tabard with brown, bronze and gold. I also dry-brushed some extra white over the helmet bearer, to match my other robes, and re-based both figures. I don't think any of the changes constitute an improvement over the original, but up against the rest of my models, he now fits in very nicely.
So, it feels very much like I have come full circle. Today I picked up my copy of the new Dark Angels Codex and I have a spiffy Azrael proxy to use. Now all I need is some Wolf Guard to gut :-)
See you across the table,
* I bought my old MtG cards back online for my Birthday this year. Gah! The nostalgia!
** Seriously, the Animus Malorum wargear card used to drain the souls of enemy models and use them to resurrect Legion of the Damned Marines. I had great fun with that one... perhaps too much fun.


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Photos by Nguyen Thi Hop
As we count the days until the dawning
of Tet, starting Jan. 23, shoppers swarm to Little Saigon to stock up on
holiday essentials.
The brightest of these essentials: blooming orchids lovingly
nurtured and grown in different regions, including Southern California.
there are plenty of choices. Vendors expect visitors to bargain – bring
cash – and the selection is best early in the day, though prices drop
as it darkens.
Potted plants beckon from beautiful, hand-painted wooden or ceramic
containers. And if you're lucky, you'll score a gorgeous multi-orchid
arrangement at a fraction of prices shown in online catalogs or at a
fancy florist shop.
We always schedule to stop by, delighting in the fragrance and festive feel of the season.
If you go, please note the event is held from:
Friday, January 6,
through Saturday, January
10:00 am to 10:00 pm
Asian Garden Mall hosts
the annual Flower
Festival. The Mall is located at 9200
Bolsa Avenue in Westminster.
Twenty plus vendors will be selling
fresh flowers (including orchids, mums and
plants (including magnolia and citrus
trees) and fruit along with traditional Vietnamese New Year


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Although Germany is often perceived as an economic leader in Europe, the German retail investment scene is still relatively undeveloped in comparison with the US and UK.
A 1997 Lipper survey revealed that as many as 41 per cent of German households kept their savings as simple bank deposits, with only 9 per cent investing in investment funds and 8 per cent in equities.
But sweeping reforms in tax legislation this year are opening the door for sharp growth both in German equities and mutual funds, making it one of the most interesting growth markets in Europe.
Until this year, the marginal rate of income tax in Germany was 53 per cent – one of the highest rates in Europe. As recently as 1998, German corporation tax was 56 per cent, also ranking it as one of the highest-taxed nations in the world.
The new legislation will see the corporate tax burden reduced to 38.6 per cent, taking it below countries such as France, Italy and Japan. The competitiveness of German firms is set to rise, fostering an environment for faster corporate restructure, greater productivity and greater external investment.
Income tax reductions are also set to fuel the German investment scene. The top rate of income tax will be reduced from 53 per cent to 42 per cent over the next five years, leaving people with more cash to invest.
Another tax change which is set to have dramatic effects on the German markets is the abolition of capital gains tax for companies. German companies have been reluctant to realise their cross-holdings in other companies because of the tax burden. The changes will encourage firms to realise their investments, creating a more liquid market.
So far, only two firms in the UK have launched specialist funds investing in the German market. Baring Asset Management has already seen promising performance from its German growth fund, with a return of 139 per cent in the past three years. The fund was recently awarded a AA rating by Standard & Poor's. Chase Fleming Asset Management's Jardine Fleming German trust, registered in Hong-Kong, has been around for a decade. This summer, the firm launched its new Luxemburg-based German opportunities fund.
German opportunities fund manager Alexander Fitzalan Howard says a combination of factors have made Germany an excellent place to invest. "We are very bullish on the prospects for German equities. The appearance of the Neuer Markt is providing a new platform for growth companies in Europe, comparable with the Nasdaq in the US," he says.
"One of the most interesting things is the number of foreign firms which have listings on the Neuer Markt.I think we are going to see more people investing in Germany and an explosion in the mutual fund market. It is about how fast and how far rather than which direction."
The mutual fund market is growing at a remarkable rate, with funds under management having almost doubled in the past two years alone. One of the main drivers behind this is the so-called German pension timebomb. Like many European countries, Germany is an ageing country with a state pay-as-you-go pension system. By 2005, the population aged over 60 will be as large as the 20-59 age range.
The government is starting the process of devising alternative pension schemes. Like the UK Government's proposed IPAs, German pensions are likely to be mutual-fund-based. Meanwhile, more and more investors are realising it makes sense to open their own investment accounts as the pension problems have become more publicised.
Threadneedle is another UK fund manager taking an increasing interest in the German market. Having launched its first European open-ended investment company in 1998, it is now becoming a growing force in the German mutual fund market and is aiming to capitalise on the current growth.
Threadneedle communications director Richard Eats says: "The German market is growing substantially. Investors with large holdings in cash and bonds are now starting to move them over to equities.
"As with any market we enter, we are aiming to become a dominant player in the German market. We are now one of the most used foreign groups by IFAs in Germany, which no one would have predicted a few years ago."
The German IFA market holds a lot of potential and is in a similar situation to that of the UK 15 years ago. IFAs in Germany are largely unregulated and are not tied by legislation but statistics show they are slowly winning more of the distribution. German IFAs are loyal to firms that pay them attention and hostile to those that have a heavy direct-sales side.
With such a backdrop, Threadneedle looks to have a strong chance of becoming a major player in the investment fund market.
Although the Neuer Markt has had a rough few months in the wake of the Nasdaq, the long-term German prospects still look encouraging. With Baring and Fleming having spotted the opportunity that Germany holds, it seems inevitable it will not be long before other fund managers move into the market.
Tax reforms open up German retail market
Although Germany is often perceived as an economic leader in Europe, the German retail investment scene is still relatively undeveloped in comparison with the US and UK.


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Are you wondering why you are tied up on the floor, with two of your sexiest employees towering over you? Because you're the worst boss ever and everybody hate you in this company. So me and my coworker Star decided to make you pay in our own way. You are going to smell and lick our stinky shoes and bare feet until we are satisfied. You are not our boss anymore, we are the bosses, and from now you are just our little office foot bitch.
Worship Katia's stinky shoes and feet
Katia is one of my best friends and knows how much you like her feet. She is wearing a cute pair of high heels with sheer pantyhose and wants you to worship her like a good slave. She talks very dirty to you while she orders you to lick the bottom of her shoes, smell her pantyhose and lick between her sweaty toes.
You are going to love how my feet look in my cute wedges! I have high arches and you can really see them in these sexy heels. But I know you'll be begging me to take them off so you can admire my beautiful feet!
You are going to love my adorable leopard print high heels! I walked in them all day and my feet are now super sore and sweaty. You will start by kissing the bottom of my shoe to show me that you want my feet badly enough. If I am convinced then you will get the pleasure of seeing and smelling my beautiful feet! My sore feet need some attention so come worship me!
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The long history of British abuse and torture in Kenya, Malaya, Aden, Cyprus, Northern Ireland and Afghanistan cannot be explained as the work of a few 'bad apples'.
Set up to investigate alleged human rights abuses of Iraqis by British troops in the aftermath of a firefight in 2004 and costing over £22 million, the al-Sweady public inquiry is set to report in the autumn.
Citing a lack of evidence, in March lawyers representing Iraqi families withdrew their claim that British troops had killed unarmed Iraqis they had captured and brought back to their army base in southern Iraq.
However, while the headline allegation has been dropped, the inquiry has unearthed some shocking behaviour.
One British soldier testified that his sergeant fired around 30 rounds into a "pile" of Iraqi bodies: "He put a full magazine of bullets into both bodies that had been twitching but he also fired into the bodies of the other dead gunmen in the ditch. The bodies of the two twitching gunmen stopped twitching."
The soldier went on to note that he witnessed two other soldiers punch and kick Iraqi prisoners, with one of them stamping on the head of a dead Iraqi several times.
Faced with these types of allegations the British government and military have repeatedly tried to downplay their significance, effectively labelling the perpetrators as "bad apples."
As the then armed forces minister Bill Rammell said in 2009: "Only a tiny number of individuals have been shown to have fallen short of our high standards."
However, the cold facts suggest a far less comforting reality. In 2010 the army's most senior legal adviser in Iraq revealed that at least eight Iraqis had died in British custody since the invasion in 2003.
Included in this shameful number is Baha Mousa, a Basra hotel worker who was beaten to death in September 2003 while being held by the Queen's Lancashire Regiment. It also includes Tarik Mahmud, who reportedly died in a helicopter while a captive of the RAF Regiment.
In Iraq the British army was using what are known as the five techniques of interrogation — hooding, stress positions, noise, sleep deprivation and deprivation of food and drink — even though they had been banned by the Heath government in 1972.
In January 2005, photos showing abuse of Iraqis at Camp Breadbasket were released. These showed soldiers from the 1st Battalion the Royal Regiment of Fusiliers mistreating Iraqi prisoners, including British soldiers forcing Iraqis to strip bare and simulate oral and anal sex.
A year later the News of the World released a video from 2004 showing several soldiers from the 1st Battalion The Light Infantry beating unarmed teenage Iraqis who they had captured during a proteIn 2010 investigative journalist Ian Cobain reported on abuse allegations at interrogation centres under the command of the Intelligence Corps that hundreds of Iraqis passed through.
According to Louise Thomas, a former member of the Ministry of Defence inquiry team set up to look into the allegations, videos of the interrogations show prisoners being abused, beaten, humiliated and threatened.
After watching footage of around 1,600 interrogations Thomas, a former police officer, said: "I saw a really dark side of the army. The videos showed really quite terrible abuses."
By 2012 Cobain was reporting that the Ministry of Defence had paid out £14 million in compensation to 400 Iraqis who had complained they were illegally detained and tortured by British forces. So rather than "a few bad apples," it is clear the abuse was widespread, perpetrated by members of several regiments.
The abuse must have directly involved hundreds of soldiers with a much greater number — thousands, surely — likely aware of the mistreatment.
And it's important to remember the examples of mistreatment listed above are just the main stories the media has reported on.
"The abuses uncovered are only the tip of the iceberg," David Buck, a member of Veterans for Peace UK who served in the British Army in Iraq, told me."A lot will have gone on that has been covered up, brushed under the carpet and kept amongst themselves never to be spoken about."
So why did British soldiers abuse Iraqi prisoners?
Much of the debate in the mainstream media about causes and solutions has focused on legal and cultural reforms.
For example, Phil Shiner, the lawyer who has done more than anyone to bring attention to British abuse in Iraq, made a number of suggestions last year: "Introduce a new fitness-for-service test for all would-be soldiers (as with British police, soldiers must be able to pass a straightforward test on the relevant law)… address the loss of moral compass so evident in the behaviour of British forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, rewrite the relevant rules of engagement for various conflict situations so that the golden thread of legal compliance shapes all acts of force, bin the UK's interrogation policy, introduce a lawful one and train those responsible to use it correctly."
These proposals are all well and good but the long history of British abuse and torture in Kenya, Malaya, Aden, Cyprus, Northern Ireland and Afghanistan suggests the problem is far deeper and requires action that gets to the root of the issue.
For Joe Glenton, an Afghan veteran and the author of Soldier Box: Why I Won't Return To The War On Terror, the problem goes back to recruitment and training.
"The UK military virtually depends on what, by polite societal standards, are bad apples," he explains.
"It looks for rough kids who are desperate, poorly educated, with limited prospects. It then socially engineers them through the process known as Basic or Phase 1 Training to make them tribal, aggressive and skilled at violence."
Military training and military life also engenders a strong "us -versus-them" group mentality, which is only heightened when troops are deployed to an unfriendly foreign land and start taking casualties.
Time and again those alleged to have brutalised prisoners have talked about their anger after one of their friends has been killed or injured by the enemy.
In addition, soldiers, like the general public, are subject to war-time propaganda that demonises and dehumanises the enemy."Soldiers have the mindset that they are superior to the population of the country they occupy … they see them as subhuman, their lives are irrelevant," Buck explains.
Glenton links this sense of superiority to the fact of the occupation itself.
"You cannot effectively occupy a particular people by force and at the same time view those people as your equal," he argues . "You simply have to think of them as lesser. At best, as primitive feckless creatures to be marshalled for their own good — at worst as alien, treacherous, uppity niggers or similar. That is what occupation looks like."
Conservative MP Rory Stewart, previously the Coalition Provisional Authority deputy governorate co-ordinator in Maysan province in Iraq, agrees with Glenton that the central problem was the military occupation itself.
"The problem wasn't the way that this was implemented, the problem was that we were there at all," he noted about British forces in Iraq in a BBC Radio 4 documentary last year.
The problem was so deep that if we hadn't made those mistakes we would have made other mistakes. It was a wrecked intervention from the beginning, from the very moment we arrived on the ground." More
Ian Sinclair is the author of The March That Shook Blair: An Oral History of 15 February 2003, published by Peace News Press.


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All Top Destinations and Quality Hotels In Africa At A Glance
(Special offer for the first one thousand hotels which want to apply for a star on the map! More on FAQ.)
Below you can see the stars, triangles and links to the
websites of top hotels and destinations in Africa. If you like to see some nice
impressions from Africa just go to this gallery
with beautiful pictures of this great travel destination.
Just move your mouse or cursor over the star or triangle (no clicking) to see some impressions of the hotel or the travel destination in a small window!
Africa Asia Australia/Oceania Europe North America South America
Some interesting information about Africa:
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Africa, 2nd-largest, 2nd most-populous continent, after Asia, about 30,221,532 km² (11,668,545 sq mi) including adjacent islands,
covers 6% of the Earth's total surface area, 20.4% of the total land area, more than 900,000,000 people (as of
2005) in 61 territories, accounts for about 14% of the world's human population,
surrounded by the Mediterranean Sea to the north, the Suez Canal and the Red Sea to the northeast, the Indian Ocean to the southeast, and the Atlantic Ocean to the
west, it has 46 countries including Madagascar, 53 including all the island groups.
Africa, particularly central eastern Africa, to be the origin of humans and the Hominidae tree, as evidenced by the discovery of the earliest hominids, as well as later ones that have been dated to around 7 million years ago – including Sahelanthropus tchadensis, Australopithecus africanus and Homo erectus – with the earliest humans being dated to ca. 200,000 years ago.
Africa straddles the equator and encompasses numerous climate areas; it is the only continent to stretch from the northern temperate to southern temperate zones. Because of the lack of natural regular precipitation and irrigation as well as glaciers or mountain aquifer systems, there is no natural moderating effect on the climate except near the coasts.
For more information about
1 Etymology
2 Geography
3 History
4 Politics
5 Economy
6 Demographics
7 Languages
8 Culture
9 Religion
10 Territories and regions
go to the Wikipedia website.
Top 1000 Destinations © by BBOnlineProduction.


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Item Vintage Tissot White Gold & Diamonds watch
|Description of item:
The above item is a genuine 1940/50 era 14K White Gold and Diamond Tissot 17 Jeweled woman's watch. The White Gold Bezel has attached bracelet clamp loop with .18 CTTW VS G natural diamonds. The white gold crown is signed with Tissot mark. The 17 Jeweled Swiss movement is signed Tissot and SWISS was professionally serviced at the time of this appraisal. The signed Tissot, with numerous watch maker service marked, case back above is stamped 14K and has the makers mark. A new "vintage type" cloth bracelet is attached to the watch. The above watch is in excellent condition.
Estimated Retail Replacement Value $699.00
|Reports are supplied at the request of the customer and it is for the customer's exclusive use. Reports express an opinion of the time of the examination of the jewelry. This report is for customers use only for the following two purposes, indicating estimated retail replacement value to obtain insurance coverage, or for the purpose of providing geological information. GoldSmith Works does not guarantee that the appraisal valuation will result in a sale at the price. Estimated retail replacement value is arrived after analyses of what the approximate high retail cash asking price is for labor, materials, and design. These prices may be substantially higher than actual transaction or warranty with regards to any item described in the report, since jewelry grading is not an exact science, this report represent the best opinion of the company. GoldSmith Works is in no case responsible for differences that occur by repeated grading by other experts in the field and/or use of other standards, norms, methods or criteria other than those used by GoldSmith Works. GoldSmith Works is expressly held harmless by customers including, but with out limitation for any claims or actions that may arise out of negligence in connection with the preparation of this laboratory report, or actions based upon the customer's use of the report. The information on the carat weight, clarity grade, color grade on the report is approximate due to the limitations in jewelry grading. The item was tested, graded, and examined under 10x magnification using the techniques and equipment available to GoldSmith Works, including fully corrected triplet loupe, binocular microscope, master color comparison guides, diamond color comparison tools, electronic carat balance, non-contact optical measuring device, and ancillary instruments necessary at the time of Examination.


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For an archer, opportunity nocks.
The pimp who turned philosopher was accused of putting Descartes before the whores.
Eunuchs tend to be chivalrous. As the French say, 'nob-less oblige'.
Life is much better when I'm not arguing with some fat-headed swine. Pig no rants is bliss.
Monarchy is bad for the common people. When it reigns, it poors.
Don't let a pair of little people make soup. Two mini cooks spoil the broth.
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder. But booty is in the hand of the buttholder. Pain in the eye of the beeholder.
There's an old proverb that recommends against circumcision: Spear the rod, spoil the child.
Almonds are created equal.
You'll never be lonely in St. Louis. Missouri loves company.


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