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THE FESTIVAL OF THE LAST WEDNESDAY sign now
Dear Google Team,
We will be so grateful if Google would do us a favor and display special logo for THE FESTIVAL OF THE LAST WEDNESDAY on its main page on March 17th.
here is some information about this event:
The ancient Iranians celebrated the last 10 days of the year in their annual obligation feast of all souls, Hamaspathmaedaya (Farvardigan or popularly Forodigan). They believed Foruhars, the guardian angles for humans and also the spirits of dead would come back for reunion. These spirits were entertained as honored guests in their old homes, and were bidden a formal ritual farewell at the dawn of the New Year. The ten-day festival also coincided with festivals celebrating the creation of fire and humans. In Sassanian period the festival was divided into two distinct pentads, known as the lesser and the greater Pentad, or Panji as it is called today. Gradually the belief developed that the 'Lesser Panji' belonged to the souls of children and those who died without sin, whereas 'Greater Panji' was truly for all souls.
Spring housecleaning was carried out and bon fires were set up on the rooftops to welcome the return of the departed souls. Small clay figurines in shape of humans and animals symbolizing all departed relatives and animals were also placed on the rooftops. Zoroastrians today still follow this tradition. Flames were burnt all night to ensure the returning spirits were protected from the forces of Ahriman. This was called Suri festival. There were gatherings in joyful assemblies, with prayers, feasts and communal consumption of ritually blessed food. Rich and poor met together and the occasion was a time of general goodwill when quarrels were made up and friendships renewed.
Iranians today still carry out the spring-cleaning and set up bon fires for only one night on the last Tuesday of the year. Young and old will leap over the fires with songs and gestures of merriment. This festival was not celebrated on this night and in this manner before Islam and might be a combination of different rituals to make them last. Wednesday in Islamic tradition represents a bad omen day with unpleasant consequences. This is contrary to Zoroastrian cosmology where all days were sacred and named after a major deity. By celebrating in this manner Iranians were able to preserve the ancient tradition. The festival is celebrated on Tuesday night to make sure all bad spirits are chased away and Wednesday will pass uneventfully. In rural areas and remote villages flames are still burnt all night on the rooftops and outside the homes, though people have no idea what this is all about.
Today the occasion is accompanied by fire works from locally made firecrackers. There is no religious significance attached to it any more and is a purely secular festival for all Iranians. On the eve before the last Wednesday, bonfires are lit through out the streets and back alleys, or with the more prosperous, inside walled gardens. People leap over the flames while shouting; 'sorkhie tu az man, zardieh man az tu'. Your fiery red color is mine and my sickly yellow paleness is your. This is a purification rite and 'suri' itself means red and fiery.
The festivities start in the early evening. Children and fun seeking adults, wrap themselves in shrouds symbolically reenacting the visits by the departed spirits. They run through the streets banging on pots and pans with spoons (Gashog-Zani or spoon banging) to beat out the last unlucky Wednesday of the year. They will knock on doors while covered and in disguise and ask for treats. The practices are very similar to Halloween, which is a Celtic version of similar festivals celebrated throughout the area in ancient times.
It is believed that wishes will come true on this night, reminiscent of ancient traditions. Wishes are made and in order to make them come true, it is customary to prepare special foods and distribute them on this night. Noodle soup called 'Ash e Chahar Shanbeh Suri is prepared' and is consumed
communally. Every one even strangers passing by will be served with nuts and dried fruits. This treat is called 'Ajeel e Chahar Shanbeh Suri' and is a mixture of seven dried nuts and fruits, pistachios, roasted chic peas, almond, hazelnuts, figs, apricots, and raisins. Local variations apply and the mixture is different according to the location and the group celebrating it.
People who have made wishes will stand at the corner of an intersection, or hide behind walls to listen to conversation by passerby's. If there is anything positive and optimistic in the conversation, the belief is that the wish will come true or there is good fortune to be expected. This is called
Fal-Gush meaning 'listening for one's fortune'. The night will end with more fire works and feasts where family and friends meet and with the more modern Iranians music and dance will follow. Happy Chahar Shanbeh Suri, and may your wishes come true.
I am sure all of them will be impressed and appreciate this act of Google.
Sincerely yours,
looking forward to hearing from you,
All Persian Google users
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The atria on the first floor of the Ransom Center are surrounded by windows featuring etched reproductions of images from the collections. The windows offer visitors a hint of the cultural treasures to be discovered inside. From the Outside In is a series that highlights some of these images and their creators.
This image from West Side Story, contrasting dancers caught en point against a realistic New York street, was taken by photographer Jack Harris, who was brought in to capture the dance sequences during the making of the film. This 1961 film is an adaptation of the 1957 Broadway musical of the same name, which was itself based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. The film is set in New York City in the mid-1950s, where two street gangs, the Sharks and the Jets, are fighting because of their different ethnic backgrounds. One night at a neighborhood dance, Tony, a former Jet, and Maria, the sister of the Shark leader, dance together and promptly fall in love. As a result, a deeper rift develops between the street gangs, and Maria and Tony must ultimately choose between their cultural connections and their love for one another.
Robert Wise was named director and producer of the film, but because he had no experience directing a musical, Jerome Robbins, who had directed the original Broadway production, was also brought in to provide assistance for the music and dance numbers. Wise and Robbins quickly became at odds with one another, and after the first day of filming, they were no longer on speaking terms. Robbins was soon fired, and the remaining musical numbers were directed by his assistants, but Robbins was still featured in the credits as a co-director of the film.
The film stars Richard Beymer and Natalie Wood, who were cast as Tony and Maria. Richard Beymer secured the role of Tony over contenders such as Elvis Presley, Warren Beatty, and Burt Reynolds. Natalie Wood was not originally considered for the role of Maria, but she was romantically involved with Beatty when he performed his screen test for the role of Tony. Wood read opposite Beatty during the screen test, and the producers instantly became enamored with her as Maria.
West Side Story was released on October 18, 1961 and became the second highest grossing film of the year. Garnering significant praise from critics, the film went on to win awards in 10 of the 11 Academy Award categories in which it was nominated, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Score, and Best Cinematography. To this day, West Side Story has won more Academy Awards than any other musical.
The Ransom Center holds the photographs of Jack Harris, who had a thriving career as a photographer of theater, dance, and music. Besides Harris's stills for this film, the Center also holds photographs, programs, and published materials related to Harris's work documenting dance performances, predominantly for the American Ballet Theatre and the New York City Ballet. The Center also holds the papers of West Side Story screenwriter Ernest Lehman.
Former Ransom Center volunteer Amy Elms wrote this post.

subset: commoncrawl


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Welcome back to the LiveBlog! And sorry it's been so long! There was so much travel, and it's hard to coordinate on the road, but we're here today and, well, there's a lot to get to, right?
Now that Wendi Deng just monkey jumped on that intruder though, I may need to spend a few minutes on this NOTW situation. Also Jennifer Lopez. And Captain America's release this week. And Harry Potter. And a month's worth of gossip and movie news.
Please join Sarah from Cinesnark and me for the next hour. We look forward to your comments. Please no racist dumbassness.
PS. Are we group jizzing over Neville?


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In honor of Valentine's Day, one of Harmony's newest couples, Paloma (Silvana Arias) and Noah (Dylan Fergus), will be hosting a live blog on Monday, February 12 at 4:00 p.m. (PST). For more information go to www.nbc.com/passions.
So check it out. Maybe you'll learn some Passion's secrets!
Friday, February 09, 2007
Passion's Live Blog Feb. 12
In honor of Valentine's Day, one of Harmony's newest couples, Paloma (Silvana Arias) and Noah (Dylan Fergus), will be hosting a live blog on Monday, February 12 at 4:00 p.m. (PST). For more information go to www.nbc.com/passions.
Congrats to OLTL's Jill Mitwell
The winners of the 2006 Directors Guild of America Outstanding Directorial Achievement Awards and the recipients of the Guild's 2007 Career Achievement Awards were announced February 4, 2007 during the 59th Annual DGA Awards Dinner at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza in Los Angeles.
OUTSTANDING DIRECTORIAL ACHIEVEMENT IN DAYTIME SERIALS was awarded to JILL MITWELL One Life To Live - Episode #9779 (ABC)
Ms. Mitwell's Directorial Team:
Associate Directors: Teresa Anne Cicala, Paul Glass Stage Managers: Richard A. Manfredi, Alan P. Needleman Production Associate: Nathalie Rodriguez.
This is Ms. Mitwell's third win and seventh DGA Award nomination in this category. She won the DGA Award for Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Daytime Serials for One Life to Live "Episode #8295" in 2000 and "Episode #6356" in 1993. She was nominated for One Life to Live "Episode #8691" in 2002, "Episode #8012" in 1999, "Episode #7761" in 1998, and "Episode #7285" in 1996.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Stuart Damon NOT Coming to "B&B"
Rumors have been swirling as of late that Stuart Damon (ex-Alan Quartermaine, "GH") would be coming to "The Bold and the Beautiful" as Nick Marone's (Jack Wagner) father, Massimo (who was formerly played by Joseph Mascolo).
Well, it seems that it is only a rumor. According to "B&B" spokesperson, Eva Demirjian, there is: "No truth to that rumor."
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Susan Lucci to the Rescue!
Let's face it. Susan Lucci (Erica Kane, "All My Children") is ridiculously gorgeous and has a figure the likes of which I haven't been able to maintain since my turbo metabolism stalled out a decade ago. And to think this woman recently became a grandmother! So who better than the fabulous Erica Kane to give us advice for the bedroom? No, I'm not talking about that kind of advice, I'm talking about our jammies.
(Photo courtesy ABC Television)
No more holey t-shirts and faded sweatpants to greet The Sandman, this Valentine's Day we shall strive to snap out of our fashion funk. Lucci appears on the "Rachael Ray" show Feb. 14th (check local listings) to give some lucky women a sleepwear makeover. Staff at the "Rachael Ray" show conducted a national search for "The Worst PJs in America," and hundreds of women sent in videos of themselves wearing their not-so-finest. Three of the worst offenders were chosen, including one woman who wears an adult-size onesie to bed. What they didn't know when they were invited to appear on the show was that Lucci would make a surprise appearance to take these ladies under her wing. The Queen of Soaps will also be promoting her own line of lingerie for "real women," which debuts this February.
Jack Deveraux Is Coming Back ...
... but he's not staying. Matthew Ashford confirmed to the Bradenton Herald that Jack will be back in Salem sometime later this winter or early spring for a limited run.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
EXCLUSIVE! Victoria Rowell to Leave "Y&R" -- and I Know Why!
premiere of their new movie, HOME OF THE BRAVE. (Photo by Eric Charbonneau/courtesy of WireImage.com.)
Her exit is spurring rumors among the show's fans that Dru might be the one who murdered Carmen Mesta.
Judging by my interview with her earlier this year, Victoria is never one to settle down and be inert. She has a book coming out this spring, The Women Who Raised Me, has an active feature-film career (Eve's Bayou and Home of the Brave) and is very active in various charities and such.
I have put in an inquiry to her publicist as to Victoria's official statement on the matter, and will get back to you as soon as I hear back from her.
Daytime Emmy Pre-Nominations
The Daytime Emmys announced their pre-nominees last week. What this means is each show nominates two actors and actresses for each of the six acting categories, and then a panel watches the tapes submitted by each actor/actress and votes on who the nominees will be this year. The nominees will be announced on Mar. 14, and the Daytime Emmy Awards will be broadcast on CBS on June 15.
This system was designed so that shows with large casts couldn't dominate the nomination field. Every show gets two submissions for each category, and from there the panel can decide to mix it up depending on who they think are the best. Last year people were upset because "Guiding Light," which has one of the smallest casts, dominated the list of nominees, but that's just the way it works out sometimes. This year another show could dominate. You just never know who is going to impress the judges.
Here is a list of the pre-screen nominees from each show, meaning only these actors are eligible to win an Emmy this year:
AMC: Thorsten Kaye (Zach) and Michael E. Knight (Tad)
ATWT: Grayson McCouch (Dusty) and Michael Park (Jack)
B&B: John McCook (Eric) and Jack Wagner (Nick)
Days: Stephen Nichols (Steve) and Peter Reckell (Bo)
GH: Anthony Geary (Luke) and Steve Burton (Jason)
GL: Ricky Paull Goldin (Gus) and Ron Raines (Alan)
OLTL: Michael Easton (John) and Trevor St. John (Todd)
Passions: Galen Gering (Luis)
Y&R: Peter Bergman (Jack) and Christian LeBlanc (Michael)
AMC: Bobbie Eakes (Krystal) and Alicia Minshew (Kendall)
ATWT: Maura West (Carly) and Martha Byrne (Lily)
B&B: Susan Flannery (Stephanie) and Katherine Kelly Lang (Brooke)
Days: Kristian Alfonso (Hope) and Alison Sweeney (Sami)
GH: Nancy Lee Grahn (Alexis) and Laura Wright (Carly)
GL: Crystal Chappell (Olivia) and Kim Zimmer (Reva)
OLTL: Kassie DePaiva (Blair) and Bree Williamson (Jessica)
Passions: Lindsay Harley (Theresa) and Juliet Mills (Tabitha)
Y&R: Michelle Stafford (Phyllis) and Jeanne Cooper (Katherine)
AMC: Jeffrey Carlson (Zarf) and Jacob Young (JR)
ATWT: Trent Dawson (Henry) and Paul Leyden (Simon)
B&B: Winsor Harmon (Thorne) and Lorenzo Lamas (Hector)
Days: Bryan Dattillo (Lucas) and James Reynolds (Abe)
GH: Rick Hearst (Ric) and Jason Thompson (Patrick)
GL: Robert Bogue (AC) and Jordan Clarke (Billy)
OLTL: Dan Gauthier (Kevin) and Tuc Watkins (David)
Passions: Eric Martsolf (Ethan) and Ben Masters (Julian)
Y&R: Greg Rikaart (Kevin) and Kristoff St. John (Neil)
AMC: Cady McClain (Dixie) and Alexa Havins (Babe)
ATWT: Kelley Menighan Hensley (Emily) and Marie Wilson (Meg)
B&B: Lesli Kay (Felicia) and Hunter Tylo (Taylor)
Days: Renee Jones (Lexie) and Julie Pinson (Billie)
GH: Genie Francis (Laura) and Rebecca Herbst (Liz)
GL: Beth Chamberlin (Beth) and Gina Tognoni (Dinah)
OLTL: Renee Elise Goldsberry (Evangeline) and Heather Tom (Kelly)
Passions: Cathy Jeneen Doe (Simone) and Emily Harper (Fancy)
Y&R: Tracey E. Bregman (Lauren) and Eileen Davidson (Ashley)
AMC: Brent Weber (Sean) and Michael B. Jordan (Reggie)
ATWT: Van Hansis (Luke) and Jesse Soffer (Will)
B&B: Due to age restrictions in this category, no cast member was eligible
Days: Blake B. Berris (Nick) and Darin Brooks (Max)
GH: Dylan Cash (Michael) and Scott Clifton (Dillon)
GL: John Driscoll (Coop) and Tom Pelphrey (Jonathan)
OLTL: Eddie Alderson (Matthew) and John Paul Lavoisier (Rex)
Passions: James Stevenson (Jared)
Y&R: Bryton McClure (Devon) and Hunter Allan (Noah)
AMC: Leven Ramblin (Lily) and Eden Riegel (Bianca)
ATWT: Jennifer Landon (Gwen) and Alexandra Chando (Maddie)
B&B: Mackenzie Mauzy (Phoebe)
Days: Ashley Benson (Abby) and Rachel Melvin (Chelsea)
GH: Julie Berman (Lulu) and Kirsten Storms (Maxie)
GL: Stephanie Gatschet (Tammy) and Marcy Rylan (Lizzie)
OLTL: Kristen Alderson (Starr) and Melissa Gallo (Adriana)
Passions: Heidi Mueller (Kay) and Danica Stewart (Jessica)
Y&R: Christel Khalil (Lily) and Darcy Rose Byrnes (Abby)
SPOILERS! Week of Feb. 5
AMC: JR reveals his true colors when he attempts to blackmail Babe.
ATWT: Someone is arrested for stealing the bonds -- will that sneaky Adam get away with it?
B&B: Phoebe finds herself preoccupied with Rick when former crush Shane comes back to town.
Days: While under hypnosis, Steve learns what the DiMeras did to him, and it isn't pretty.
GH: Elizabeth and Alan both need medical attention, but only one of them will get it.
GL: Reva feels guilty for keeping Jonathan's secret, while Lizzie suspects he may still be alive.
OLTL: Nash and Jessica continue to fight their attraction for one another.
Passions: Chad breaks up with his part-time lover, but the scorned one has other ideas.
Y&R: Lauren, carrying a gun, is faced with the impossible decision of telling Sheila and Phyllis apart.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Eileen Davidson Comes To "The Bold and the Beautiful"
In a "Daytime Dial" exclusive, I can confirm that Eileen Davidson (ex-Ashley, "The Young and the Restless") will be joining "B&B" as Ashley Abbott. Her first day on the set is this Thursday, Feb. 8, and her first airdate will be March 9, confirmed by Eva Demirjian, spokesperson for "B&B."
The premise for Ashley's arrival (since we last heard she was on her way to Hong Kong), Brooke calls Ashley and asks her to come to L.A. to help develop a signature scent to go with the Forresters' new clothing line. No word yet on whether daughter Abby will come with her.
Here is an excerpt from the interview I just conducted with Eileen that will run in newspapers Feb. 16:
"Brad (Bradley Bell, 'B&B' head writer and executive producer) called me out of the blue," Eileen tells me. "I was really thrilled that he called. After 'Y&R,' I didn't really put any feelers out (for new acting work). I spent that time getting through the holidays — I have a 3-1/2-year-old, plus I have 11- and 13-year-old stepsons. I figured I would contemplate my next move in January. I thought, 'The first week in January, I've really gotta think about this.'"
This whole situation was new for Eileen. "I've never been out of work before when it wasn't my own choice."
But it was also a chance to spread her wings, along with Ashley's. "What's so cool is I've done so many things in daytime television, but this is a whole different thing. The second time around (playing Ashley on "Y&R"), Ashley never really got to live to her full potential. But now she's in a whole new arena, without all the baggage she had on the other show." Maybe the third time will be the charm.
So tune in March 9 for Eileen Davidson's debut on "The Bold and the Beautiful." I know I will!


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Politico runs a piece called "Why Obama went all-in on Chuck Hagel." The article eventually provides an answer: "because he's unafraid of sacred cows. . . ."
The "sacred cows" aren't named, but they don't have to be. Obama nominated Hagel to stick it publicly to Israel and what he and Hagel consider "the Jewish lobby."
Actually, the "pro-Israel lobby" probably could have killed the Hagel nomination, and would have done so if it were worthy of this description. Instead, the Anti-Defamation League, the American Jewish Committee, and AIPAC have remained on the sidelines, cowed by Barack Obama.
Score one for Obama's "stick it to Israel" campaign.
On the other hand, Hagel has been forced to back away from most of his most offensively anti-Israel positions and remarks. So the "stick it to Israel" campaign turns out to be something of a wash, given that administration policy towards Israel will be roughly the same (hostile) regardless of the identity of the Secretary of Defense.
Where does this leave us? As the Politico article makes clear, barring the unexpected, it leaves us with a Secretary of Defense in whom virtually no one, by this point, has any confidence.


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AWR Corp. announced the availability of NXP Semiconductor's sixth- and seventh-generation laterally-diffused metal oxide semiconductor (LDMOS) power transistor library for AWR's Microwave Office® design software. The NXP LDMOS power transistor library is ideal for use by designers of high-power power amplifiers (PA) found within base station broadcast and microwave applications due to its power efficiency and linearity.
"We continue to see increasing demand for the availability of our highly accurate LDMOS power transistor models for use within AWR's Microwave Office software," said Mark Murphy, Director of Marketing for the RF Power & Base Stations product line at NXP Semiconductors. "This latest-generation release of our model library enables customers to examine the performance of packaged NXP devices as part of their Microwave Office design flow which in turn leads to better PA design topologies, more-confident component selections, and shorter design cycles."
"NXP's silicon RF LDMOS technology is world-renowned for its unprecedented performance," said Chris Paris, AWR Director of European operations. "As such, we were ready to work with them in the development of the model library to better service and support our mutual customers. Simply put, the combination of the Microwave Office software with NXP models enables PA designers to realize better designs."


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US Navy's Third JHSV Hits the Water
USNS Millinocket (JHSV 3) successfully launched on June 5, from the Austal USA shipyard in Mobile, Ala.
The third joint high speed vessel is a versatile, non-combatant, transport ship that will be used for fast intra-theater transportation of troops, military vehicles and equipment.
"This launch is an important achievement for the program, as it's the first time the ship has entered the water," said JHSV program manager Capt. Henry Stevens. "Launching signifies a ship is ready to enter into the final phase of construction including test and activation of major equipment such as the propulsion plant."
Millinocket will now prepare for a series of trials conducted by the shipbuilder, testing overall system performance underway prior to demonstration to the Navy's Board of Inspection and Survey later this year.
Each JHSV is designed to commercial standards, with limited modifications for military use. These vessels can transport 600 short tons 1,200 nautical miles at an average speed of 35 knots and can operate in shallow-draft ports and waterways, providing U.S. forces added mobility and flexibility. The ships also have an aviation flight deck to support day and night air vehicle launch and recovery operations. JHSVs have berthing space for up to 104 personnel and airline-style seating for up to 312.
JHSV 3 is one of two JHSVs currently under construction at Austal. The future USNS Fall River (JHSV 4) held a keel laying and authentication ceremony May 20, and JHSV 5 started fabrication in February. USNS Choctaw County delivered June 6. The lead ship of the class, USNS Spearhead, was delivered to the Navy in December 2012. A total of ten JHSV class ships are under contract with Austal.
Millinocket is designated as a U.S. Naval Ship (USNS), signifying its civilian crew. The vessel will have a core crew of 22 civilian mariners who will operate and navigate the ship as part of the U.S. Navy's Military Sealift Command.
As one of the Defense Department's largest acquisition organizations, PEO Ships is responsible for executing the development and procurement of all destroyers, amphibious ships, special mission and support ships, and special warfare craft. Delivering high-quality war fighting assets, while balancing affordability and capability, is key to supporting the Navy's Maritime Strategy.
Press Release, June 7, 2013; Image: Austal
List of related news articles
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Welcome if you just came in from my blog on wartime memories.
If you did not, then I have another blog about war memories. It is called Lest We Forget…
While doing my articles on Herm Sulkers, I found this on the Internet about him.
This is the message… It appears to be a newspaper article. I added the picture.
Digging up Dutch roots new pastime for Winnipeg-born senior
CHILLIWACK, British Columbia –
Discovering family roots for the North American Dutch often is a tedious process. It covers great distances and could span a lifetime. The need to know did not come overnight to third-generation Dutch Canadian, Winnipeg-born Hermannus Sulkers, now 83, but became more compelling when he, accompanied by his daughters Catherine and Jane, in 1998 visited the Netherlands for the first time. He returned home with more questions than answers about his ancestors. This summer, another trip, his fourth, has been planned when he hopes with two sons to link up with namesakes in ancestral Dinteloord, a village south of national nature park Biesbosch.
Complicating Herm's searches are a lack of sufficient fluency in the Dutch language, no known family and the fact that his grandparents launched their overseas venture from a different place than their ancestral town.
The Sulkers family left in stages for Canada from around Zaandam. In 1906, their 17-year-old son Herb left for Winnipeg to be followed two years later by siblings John, Cornelis and Antonia. In 1910, their Dinteloord-born parents Hermannus and Maria Johanna Sulkers (Vriens) embarked for Canada on the ship S.S. Victorian with eight of their other nine children. The one daughter who had stayed behind died in 1945 and was buried in Zeist.
S.S. Victorian
Return to Netherlands
Grandfather Sulkers soon deeply regretted his emigration to Canada and was troubled over the family's separation from the daughter who because of health reasons had been denied permission to come along. He died fairly soon after arriving in the country. In the early decades of the twentieth country, a significant number of Dutch immigrants around Winnipeg, like their counterparts near Chicago, made a living as market gardeners. They and most of the Sulkers' grew vegetables which they sold in the city, usually off the back of their horse-drawn wagon or truck. Although a steady trickle of newcomers joined the Dutch community of Winnipeg, few went the opposite direction. Herm's father Peter and his mother went in 1951. Of the others who did, it will be quite safe to state, nearly all had joined the Canadian war effort, Herm as a navyman on Canadian destroyer Athabaskan. Following of a disastrous naval battle during which the ship was sunk off the French coast in May 1944, Herm was rescued and send to a German POW camp. While he never came close to setting a foot on Dutch soil then, Sulkers' interest in Athabaskan commemmorations and reunions eventually brought him back to Europe.
This year's visit to Dinteloord will be Sulkers' second. Accompanied by a fellow Dutch genealogy enthusiast who has assisted him with his research he had no contacts for the first visit to the 17th century village in Prinsenlandpolder (so named after a son of Prince William I, the Taciturn, who spearheaded the diking project for the area around 1600). With help from sources in Canada, Sulkers learnt that his surname is most common in a half-moon around the Biesbosch where his upcoming visit already has been announced.
Sulkers' grandparents with their four eldest children left Dinteloord during the 1890s for a farm job in the Zaandam vicinity, likely joining others who had migrated there earlier (the Haarlemmermeer reclamation works of 150 years ago also attracted people from the Western part of Brabant). Circumstances around Dinteloord in the late 1800s were far from ideal for farm labourers.
I found the article thanks to Evelyn.
Who is Evelyn? I found her in Cyber space…
Another footnote:
I found the Sulker family on Elmwood street in Winnipeg in the 1911 census.
Click here for the image file.
This is part of the page.
The picture is fuzzy but we can see the Sulkers came from Holland. Mary Sulkers (Vriens) came in 1910 with some of her children while others came in 1909 and Herbert in 1907.
In the census we have an Anton, a son, but the article says Antonia came to Canada. It's a woman's name. Is there an error in the census? I found many errors while searching in censuses…
I will dig in for more information about the Sulkers…
Stay tune…


text:
in reply to Status of Recent User Information Leak
It looks as though the Gods have been getting some rough treatment by some monks. OK so storing the passwords as plaintext is embarrassing and it is fundamentally disappointing that this whole affair took place. However, I got an e-mail this morning informing me of the problem and then found that I had to reset the account password since it had been changed for me. This is a reasonably pro-active response and the gods should claw back some credit for that.
On a separate note - the job of changing passwords on other sites was easy because I use PasswordSafe. This allows me to create random passwords for each new site. The ones that had my old password in were really old accounts.
Ever noticed how difficult it is to delete an account?
In Section Perl Monks Discussion


text:
Murder charges have been filed against a 24-year-old New Jersey man accused of stabbing and beating his mother to death.
Bail for Nicholas Piotti was set at $2 million. Prosecutors say he allegedly beat and stabbed his 63-year-old mother, Karen Piotti, killing her inside the home they shared in Ho-Ho-Kus. Her body was found early Monday.
Piotti was taken into police custody and was being evaluated at Bergen County Medical Center. Authorities say he had no "physical issues."
Neighbors said the news has devastated those who knew the family.
"I only heard nice things about Nicholas," said Donna Cioffi. "I used to see him skateboarding up and down Powderhorn Road, like any other teenager would do. I never had any issues with him."
"It's just devastating to a hear a 24-year-old can take his mother's life," she said. "No matter what the situation or circumstance is, you have to believe there's something very wrong behind that. It's very, very unnerving."
Gerry Pearce said the death of Karen Piotti was incomprehensible.
"This neighborhood is unbelievably nice, quiet," he said. "You never hear anything like this happen here."


text:
On raising a son on the autism spectrum, progressive politics, pop culture, and coffee addiction.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Questions of life and death
And here's another: How do you introduce the concept if the child has autism, which means that 1) he has trouble understanding the abstract, and instead focuses on the very real and the very concrete and 2) he is prone to perseverating on issues and can zero in on a single topic for hours, days, or weeks at a time?
In other words, how do you introduce the concept of death to this child without planting the seeds of worry that will swiftly grow into "I will die" and "you will die" and "it could happen any time"?
How do you introduce the concept and then expect to ever have a conversation with this child about anything else for the rest of his life?
Weighty issues for a mid-summer night, I know, but it's a topic that has been on my mind a lot, because in recent days, some new words have crept into Bud's vocabulary: Guns. Kill. Die.
They are words he uses with a worried tone.
"Mom," he said as we were driving to summer school yesterday, "if people are killing me with guns, I'll hide behind a rock."
I nearly drove off the road.
"Bud," I said, "that would never, never happen. Where did you hear about people with guns?" I couldn't imagine the source. As far as I knew, Bud had no frame of reference for killing and he had no idea what a gun was. The only television shows that he watches are preschool programs, none of which have such dark themes. He doesn't even see commercials.
"From Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," he said.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? First, I don't remember people getting shot in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and second -
"Where did you see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Bud?"
"In fourth grade."
Which ended weeks ago.
Which means that he has been processing those images on his own for at least a month.
I reminded Bud that things that happen in movies aren't real, but since we were nearly at school, I didn't pursue the conversation any further. Instead, I decided to think about how to approach the issue more thoughtfully.
Tonight at bedtime, before I'd had a chance to develop a thoughtful plan, Bud raised the issue again.
"Mom, those are guns?"
"What are guns, Bud?"
"Guns are machines."
"No, I know that. What guns are you asking about?"
"At the pharmacy? Those are toy guns?"
"I guess they do have toy guns at the pharmacy. I don't really think guns are good toys."
"They're bad?"
"Well, I don't like them."
"Guns are bad, Mom?"
"Well, guns aren't toys, Bud."
"Guns kill elephants?"
"Did they shoot elephants in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?"
"NO! They shoot people in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."
"Who shoots elephants?"
"The hunters do!"
"What hunters?"
"In the BOOK! In summer school! That I read with Ms. Barr."
"Oh. What happens when they shoot the elephants?"
"They kill them."
"What does kill mean?"
"It means they die."
"Oh. And what does die mean?"
Bud thought about it. "Well..." he said, "it means they get sick."
"And then what happens?"
"They go to the doctor."
"And what happens after they go to the doctor?"
"They take their temperature."
Ah. His constructed understanding of killing and death - already disconcerting and alarming to him - is missing a critical element.
Which is why I find myself, in the middle of this lovely summer, with dark and weighty issues on my mind.
Where do I go from here?
How do I help my son understand the cycle of life and death without inciting panic?
And is preserving his naivete and allowing him to stay happily unaware truly the more compassionate path? Is it wise to take the risk that Bud will be introduced to the very idea of death when someone he loves is gone from his life?
I tried to introduce it to him several years ago when his goldfish died, but the losses barely registered with him. The fish were here, the fish were gone. The impact was minimal. But Bud is in a very different developmental place now, and the stakes feel a whole lot higher. If I don't process it with him, he will surely continue to process it on his own.
So, really: how do you do it?
How do you help a child with autism and anxiety understand death without killing his joyful and optimistic approach to life?
34 comments:
- *m* said...
Difficult questions, all.
As a children's librarian, my first line of defense always comes from books. One I love and frequently recommend is BADGER'S PARTING GIFTS by Susan Varley (
http://www.amazon.com/Badgers-Parting-Gifts-Susan-Varley/dp/0688115187/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1280282962&sr=1-1 ). It is a simple but beautiful story -- very circle-of-life-ish, but won't be much help with the guns/kill questions. Still, perhaps a better way to help him address the idea of death in a non-scary way.
I don't envy you these conversations. Such a hard thing to think and talk about--for our kids and for us.
- July 27, 2010 10:14 PM
- Niksmom said...
I am completely stymied. But you can bet I'll be watching and waiting to follow your lead (and the amazing advice someone is bound to come up with)!
- July 27, 2010 10:19 PM
- Unknown said...
One concrete method is the hand in glove demonstration. Your spirit is the hand and your body is the glove. When you die, your spirit leaves your body and goes to a better place. Your body is dead (like it has no batteries) but your spirit is with God, and Grandma and Grandpa, and goldfish, etc.
Hopefully the part about better place and loved ones who have passed on will help with the anxiety.
If you don't believe in an afterlife, you can always use the "light out" analogy. When you die, the lightbulb burns out. You aren't sad or hurt or anything anymore, you are just gone, the light is out. You live on through the memories od others (though that's a bit abstract!)
- July 28, 2010 12:34 AM
- gretchen said...
I don't have an answer for you, but want to share how death has figured in Henry's perseveration the past few months:
My boss's father died in March. At church one Sunday (I really should write a post about how Henry behaves in church- it's fascinating), Henry and I were praying together, and I said I wanted to "pray for Rick, because his dad died." Henry took on a very somber tone and repeated "Rick's dad died."
EVERY SUNDAY SINCE Henry pipes up at some point with "Rick's dad died". I worried at first that he would extrapolate "my dad will die." And I said things like "Rick's dad was very old and sick." But Henry hasn't seemed to extend the knowledge of death into any other realm. He hasn't forgotten it either, though.
- July 28, 2010 8:54 AM
- LizC said...
My PDD son suprised me one evening at bedtime after our story when he said, "I'll miss you." Unsure what he meant, because I wasn't going anywhere, no trips planned or anything, I asked him to explain. "When you die. I'll miss you."
They had been talking about it at school, because the janitor passed away. He was so calm, I'm afraid it was my reaction that upset him. As composed as I struggled to remain, I was startled by and unprepared for what he said.
I guess that's just it... with our children, we have to be so infintesimaly prepared ourselves for these things. Something you are, as always doing so well. Know yourself. Know what you believe and then when that moment comes, your answer will flow so naturally, with such confidence and calm and very little anxiety, that he will follow your lead.
In other words, I think you're already doing everything already. Kudos to you, again.
- July 28, 2010 8:57 AM
Well, as I read this it brings me back to the day that Bud and I talked about Mr. Rogers. We talked alot about Mr. Rogers but this particular day he asked me if Mr. Rogers could come to our school. I explained in the lightest of ways that Mr. Rogers was no longer living and that he wasn't able to come to our school. We talked about how, like our favorite stuffed toys, we get tired and worn out. Mr. Rogers was tired and worn out. It didn't go much further than that. I agree that when the time is right it will all come together in just the right things to say as you process how to explain things. You know I'm one of your biggest fans and I know given your amazing talents for words...in time you will shine in your ability to help Bud process such a BIG topic.
Mrs. Nee
- July 28, 2010 10:42 AM
- pixiemama said...
Just popping in to offer love and support.
No answers from me. In fact, I think we're closer to having to answer this question than I'm ready to deal with. Will be checking out that book as recommended by *m*. Thanks for that, *m*.
- July 28, 2010 11:38 AM
- KAL said...
This is so hard. We went through something similar with Sam when he was studying the life cycle of meal worms in kindergarten. One day he came home and started talking about dead and gone and buried in the ground which led to a talk about our cat who had died months before... he was very concerned that he was going to die or we were but I tried to explain that the "life cycle of people" was much much longer than that of the meal worm. He obsessed on this information for about a week and then let it go... I don't know how Bud will process it of course, but you've already had some amazing suggestions from commenters! I really like the hand and glove analogy.
Weighty things indeed.
- July 28, 2010 11:41 AM
- Suzi said...
I just had a similar conversation with my 6 yo and I am so glad I stumbled across your post so that I know I am not alone.
- July 28, 2010 11:55 AM
Hi MOM-NOS!
It's probably been over a year since I've stopped by your blog. I don't know why I thought to stop by today, but coincidentally perseverating on death is something I've dealt with quite a bit. My husband and I both lost a parent before we were married, and by the age of about 5 my ASD son had noticed the missing grandparents. My son, who just turned 8, can tell you what they died of, the age they died, date they died, how many years it was before he was born, how old I was when they died, how many years it is until I reach the age my mom died, how old he would be if I died at that age. I could go on but you get the picture. I had no choice but to find a way to lessen his burden. The discussions took a number of months, so it might be hard to fully articulate. I'll try to give you the gist though.
First I let him know that death is a difficult subject matter for almost everyone. Having strong emotions about death, whether it's fear, anxiety, sadness, or confusion, is completely normal. Then we talked about the physical aspect where the body just doesn't work any more. It doesn't breath, eat, drink, sleep, move, or do anything that a person can do when alive. I told him about my religious beliefs on what happens to the spirit (which I described as the part of you that contains your thoughts and emotions), but I was careful to stress that these were my BELIEFS. Other people might believe something different, and this is part of the reason people find death difficult since no one knows for certain what happens after dying. I intentionally left him with no clear answer, because if he were to encounter a child with a different religious belief then it would result in one of two things, 1) he would have a fit insisting the other person was wrong, or 2) he would doubt the truth of everything we had discussed. Now, that was the quick part of our discussion. Talking about my mom dying and the possibility of me dying is what took months. I told him it made me sad that she died, I miss her, and that it makes me sad that she never got to meet him. But even though I'm sad, another part of me still feels happy. I feel happy that have I have 2 sons and a great husband. I'm happy that we get to go swimming, play outside, see movies, play games, etc. I'm happy I have lots of great memories of my mom. I'm happy I'm alive. I choose to focus on happy instead of sad. If I focus on sad all the time, then I will feel bad. I told him if I should die, he would also feel sad and miss me. But even though he feels sad, he can still have happy feelings. He can still love other people, and they can still love him. He won't be alone, and there will be many people around him that care for him. Then I tried to reassure him that I don't plan to die anytime soon. You can't control when you are going to die, but there are things that can be done to live a longer life. I take good care of my body by eating healthfully and exercising. I make safe choices by wearing my seat belt, driving safely, looking both ways when I cross the street, having friends that also make safe choices, etc. We talked about the things that make him happy and what he likes to do. That he is happy to be alive. It probably took two of three months, but he began talking about it less and less. Now if he brings it up, I try to time limit how long he can talk about the sad part (around 10 minutes) and then I ask him to tell me about his happy things. It seems to do the trick.
Good luck making your own game plan!!
Linda (OzHumphrey)
- July 28, 2010 2:32 PM
- VISHNU said...
Take your son to a bright room and switch off the light. Ask him what happened. He will probably say "Room become dark". Now switch on the light. Ask him what happened. He will probably say "Room become bright". Now tell him that "Room is always dark. We only see the light thought it is dark in reality (that is invisible). Our lives are like that. Though we are alive (our reality is always dead .i.e. our body were dead before we born, our body is dead now, and it will be dead later. But we DON'T need to focus on darkness. We need to cherish the light without getting ATTACHED to it)
I know it more like ZEN. But it is.
- July 29, 2010 2:03 AM
My son has been asking questions about death as well. I don't know where he picked up on death but the first I heard of it was when he asked of someone we had not seen for a couple of years (out of the blue) "Did they die?"
I also often hear "Mom, when are you going to die?". I'm addressing his questions as they come without having a "sit down" talk about it. The best I've managed so far is "not for a long time" while hoping it's true.
I'll be watching the comments for solid answers since I have none of my own.
If you're taking requests, I'd love to hear how you and your readers are handling explaining the concept of puberty. We're having a heck of a time with that one at our place.
- July 29, 2010 12:48 PM
Both my kids have gone through death phases. My youngest who is NT, and 3, has asked if he could see his grandmother's dead body. He has asked this a number of times. This is particularly fun for my husband, who misses his mother a lot. ('No, we don't keep dead bodies around. I'm sorry you missed the funeral. You weren't born yet.')
The real reason I am writing is because Dierks Paisley is in the New Yorker this week. I only know who that guy is because of you!
- July 29, 2010 2:54 PM
Here's how death was explained to me by a child, and it's how I've explained it to my children: Have you ever gone somewhere with your parents late at night and fallen asleep in the car, and when you got home you were still asleep, so your mother or father carried you inside and put you in your bed? That's what dying is like. You fall asleep in one place, and when you wake up, you find yourself safe at home.
- July 30, 2010 12:40 AM
- Missy said...
I know exactly what you mean. I have tried to keep guns out of our vocabulary, but as Jayden gets older and has friends and books and movies that include these, they have started to infiltrate our life.
It is so hard to explain that guns are bad and it is not okay to say you are going to kill someone because he cannot understand the finality of it.
Two weeks ago we drove past a cemetery and of course I had to explain what it was. He has now been stuck on that. Yep, trying to explain that your body gets buried in a cemetery but your soul goes to heaven has not been an easy task.
This is definitely a tough question.
- July 30, 2010 1:44 AM
Lots of great ideas here, but I think it is important not to be too metaphorical. The abstract only helps those who can grasp such nuances. I particularly appreciated I think Suzy's comments ... I found my son had certainly grasped the sort of "death is normal" "everyone goes through it" explanation he received at school about his janitor and took that at face value, that it is a mundane everyday thing. But it is important to acknowledge the sadness and grief so often associated with death. And to separate the nature of guns and killing from other forms of death and dying.
- July 30, 2010 10:56 AM
- abby said...
What an important post. I look forward to reading more of the follow ups on it. We're going to have to deal with this, at some point, with Hallie, who lost one of the most important people in her life--her twin sister--long before she was aware of much. We're not looking forward to figuring out how to address this, but we'll check with you when the time comes!
- July 30, 2010 1:30 PM
- MOM-NOS said...
Abby, I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Our situation is similar - Bud's identical twin was stillborn. This post will give you a bit more of the background.
I've only skirted the very edges of the topic with Bud. So far, it hasn't resonated with him, so I haven't pursued it further. But one day, I'm sure it will.
- July 30, 2010 1:47 PM
Catherine Faherty has a new book on this very topic. I've browsed through it and it might give you ideas on how to talk about the subject. I believe that I saw it at Future Horizons.
- July 30, 2010 10:51 PM
- gb said...
My first two thoughts:
Go back to the fish.
Scaffold the response...search for the true question.
Hmmm - things to think about while pedaling.
- July 31, 2010 11:04 AM
- mommy~dearest said...
I kept it very real with my son. His understanding of death is a little clearer now, but I needed him to understand that once you die, that's it. You don't come back like in the movies.
What did I do? Roadkill.
I know, it sounds gross, but he knew what a cat was, what a cat does, etc. I showed him a cat that was hit by a car, and equated it with "this is why it is imperative you look both ways before going in the street". I told him that the cat will not ever be able to walk, eat, or even play. That was the end of the cat and there it was. And hell no you can't touch it.
I don't think it made him understand death and dying as a process, but it did help him process the gravity it.
- August 02, 2010 2:28 PM
- Ellen Seidman said...
Hi. Just came over from She Knows, it is good to connect. I don't have answers; as I read this, I understand your dilemma, but I have a child who is mostly nonverbal... I wish he was able to articulate stuff like this, even though it's really hard to know how to deal.
I love your writing.
Abby, I am also sorry for the loss of your daughter.
- August 03, 2010 12:08 PM
- Caitlin Wray said...
I guess part of the puzzle is - what do you want to impart to Bud, as your child, about death? A lot of that is based on your family's personal belief system.
My family is a bunch of United Churchers, which is so ultra-liberal that most of the rest of Christianity hardly considers us a legit church at all. Ironic when considering how ultra-liberal Christ himself was but... I digress...
My son has Aspergers and tons of anxiety, but the tackling of the death issue came on suddenly and full force for us when his grandmother (my mom) was diagnosed with terminal cancer 2 years ago. I immediately moved her in with us, knowing that while it was the right and only choice I could make, it also meant a very close relationship with death for Simon, at a very young age (he was 5).
He watcher his grandmother weaken, thin out, stop coming down for meals, and eventually she passed away (in palliative care where I moved her for her final weeks). It was hard, but it was a natural process in this world of ours, and I guess that's what we focussed on with Simon. That it is sad, and natural all at the same time. That life is both joyous and tragic, and that you can't let the tragic parts ruin the joyful ones. You need both for balance.
That wasn't imparted in one simple conversation, but over several across a few months. I also told him that if people who were already living never died, there would be no room on earth for new lives - like his own. That each of us gets a turn here on earth, some turns are short, some are long, but the goal is not to have the longest turn. The goal is to help make everyone's turn fun and safe and happy - and when we do that for others, it naturally makes our own turn more fun and safe and happy too.
We used a book called Waterbugs and Dragonflies which depicts a waterbug colony wondering what happens to their members when they crawl up the reeds - because they never see or hear from them again. The book shows the waterbugs making a promise to come back to tell the others, but when their time comes to crawl up the reeds, they turn into dragonflies and their wings don't allow them to go back into the water to fulfill their promise. It's a bit of a direct analogy to angels and heaven but in our family (where the adults don't necessarily believe in a scriptural depiction of winged angels and heaven) we use it to show Simon that your life-force, your spirit - goes to another place when you die and that other place is good and safe and OK.
Another thing to keep in mind - something that I really struggled with because like you, I wanted to keep my son as happy and content and blind to the sadness of the world as possible - is that every child - spectrum or not - loses a big chunk of their innocence when they begin to conceive of death. That's just a part of life. There's no way to avoid it. The key is avoiding language or imagery that invoke fear. Sadness is ok. And to some extent they will have to work through their own fears about death as they go through their whole life. You just don't want to be the one who planted the seed of fear. Plant seeds of awareness and spirituality and acceptance instead.
Hope that helps :)
- August 03, 2010 4:13 PM
- VAB said...
Ultimately, I think we have to focus on the up-side of being dead. The way you do that will depend on what you see as the possible up-sides of being dead. I encouraged our guy to come up with his own beliefs in this regard by getting a pile of word religion books and letting him mix and match. He decided on in a brief stay in heaven followed by reincarnation mediated by an omnipotent God who takes requests.
- August 03, 2010 6:47 PM
- Gavin Bollard said...
My thoughts on this issue are probably drastically different to everyone else but I guess it can't hurt to hear a different point of view.
Bear in mind that just because this works well for my children, it doesn't necessarily follow that it's the right choice for your child. My kids are both on the spectrum but they don't have anxiety issues.
Also, we don't have a gun problem in Australia. It's rare that anyone sees a gun here - except on the belt of a policeman.
My kids have always been brought up to understand that weapons really exist but that they are usually only to be found in fiction.
My kids play things like Duke Nukem on computer and they watch things like Terminator. They were watching these sorts of shows from about age 4. Of course, they watch and play lots of things of varying intensity. Some are cute and cuddly, some are not.
I tend to steer them towards obvious fiction like Sci-Fi and Fantasy rather than things that could happen in the real world.
We watch the "making of" featurettes which come on DVD together. We talk about CGI and prosthetics and they have a very healthy appreciation of the role of fiction in our society (ie: Entertainment).
I've found that many kids who have anxieties don't have a good distinction between fact and fiction. They don't watch much "violent" TV.
It's a chicken and egg thing. I'm not sure if violent TV makes kids have anxieties leading to the removal of viewing rights - or - if reduced viewing rights leads to poor perception of fiction and therefore increased anxiety.
It probably differs from one individual to another.
My kids are also well exposed to death through Grandparents, Friends and Pets. We look at old photos and I tell them how much I miss people. They understand that it's permanent.
I talk about religion a lot but my kids are told that there are several beliefs and that nobody actually knows. We just have faith - which is like "super-hoping". They're brought up Catholic but I'm always encouraging them to see other people's points of view too.
They know that you have to make the most of life while it's there and not to waste time worrying about things that will happen regardless of what they do.
I don't know if my philosophy is appropriate but it's working so far with my kids.
- August 04, 2010 3:19 AM
It seems the issue here is more guns than death... but here's my experience:
Wulf is 18, non-verbal, very "involved," and lives in an IRA. He was very connected to his sister - who passed away on the 4th of July.
Bearing in mind the differences among individuals, I can say that there is nothing out there on how to handle this. We brainstormed with a circle of therapists (he works with Ede, so we're talking top-flight people), and the best they could come up with was to "follow his lead" and to not bring it up unless he introduced the subject... to keep her bedroom as-is, similar to a sibling going off to college. Nonsense.
His sister, btw, had Downs Syndrome, and was in a fabulous program... her peers were also at sea (one parent said she'd gone to sleep - so the kid got insomnia, and kept asking why we didn't just wake her up.
I've learned that death, like sex, is a tabu subject that the MR/DD community is very uncomfortable with.
And, you can apply the same guidelines, acknowledging that our guys are visual processors... I crafted something like a mass card, with her picture, for her peers, and a note that no one can say for sure where we go when we die, but we can always remember...
and a short poem.
Her brother is still adjusting, but he has made a series of picture frames, starting with just her and family(she was older), then her and him and family, than him and family. He "gets" it - and misses her.
Again, he's - we're all - still adjusting. I think it's a good bet there will be a meltdown in the future...
- August 04, 2010 2:50 PM
- MOM-NOS said...
Thank you all.
I am so moved by the stories you've shared and so appreciative that you've all taken the time to craft such thoughtful responses. Though I'm still not sure what I'll DO, there is great comfort in knowing that we are not alone on this path.
And vmgillen, my deepest condolences on the loss of your daughter.
- August 04, 2010 3:16 PM
- mumkeepingsane said...
Like mommy dearest, it was important for my son to understand the permenance of death. Partly because we've been dealing with depression and him saying once that he'd like for 'nobody to see him ever again'. Tough stuff for an 8 year old.
Death just seems to be one of those areas that you have to feel your way through. I didn't want him to be afraid to die. He went through a time where he was matter-of-fact about it, telling me he'd miss me when I died. This always becomes a perservation for him around rememberance day.
He understands about fish dying and takes it well. He's never known an adult who's died. I dread the day we have to explain it. So I'm trying to prepare him. We mostly talk about how, yes, we all will eventually die. Circle of life type stuff. And that, usually, it's older folks who die at the end of a long life. I was really afraid he'd start worrying about himself dying soon but that hasn't happened.
I'll definately be reading to see how you're handling this. Cause I'm going to need all the pointers I can get. And thanks to all the commenters who shared. I'm taking notes.
- August 04, 2010 8:18 PM
- Fairlington Blade said...
Hmm. A tough topic and one that I expect we'll have to handle soon. It's tricky in that Secondo has autism and Primo has social/communicative delays. Primo tended to be Mr. Literal, though he's developing quite the imagination. Anyway…
Their maternal grandfather died rather suddenly when they were six months old. [They're twins.] My father has been suffering from CPOD for several years and I suspect won't be around that much longer. Then again, he's made it further than I thought, so I'm happy that my Dad has gotten to know his grandsons. Anyway, I expect that it will be difficult to handle these issues with boys who have difficulty with abstract concepts.
There's not much I can offer you other than thanks for sparking a bit of thought about this.
- August 08, 2010 12:55 AM
- Maryann said...
Hi, I just found your blog and wanted to drop you a post. I'll be checking back to see what else you have to talk about. My oldest son (5 yrs) is PDD-NOS and he too has been talking about death and what he would do if someone took him from me. Hard to deal with and hard to talk about. I don't want to scare him, but I do want him to understand that running away from me can result in really bad things. Or that there are people out there that would take him. It is really hard. Anyway, I'm a mom blogger too and I blog about autism also. come check me out if you get a chance (I read your post about being busy but not being able to expand your blogging circle). Http://Matthewspuzzle.blogspot.com
- August 09, 2010 3:00 PM
- Stephanie said...
When it comes to processing death through stories, we have elected to differentiate between being dead and being dispelled. Video game characters and story characters (both books and movies) don't die--they are dispelled. They may have multiple lives or be alive again when you re-watch the movie or as actors can come back as other characters. Being dead--which happens to real, living people and animals--you don't come back.
We chose to make this distinction with my step-son, before we knew his brothers would be autistic. But it worked for Willy as well as Brandon.
When it comes to the deaths of people they know and care about, we talk about how they are no longer with us in this world, but they are with God in heaven (obviously this strategy relies on having faith in an afterlife).
A key factor I've found is that the more anxiety you feel and express when talking about a subject the more anxiety your child is going to have. That can be about death, or sex, or any of the major (or sometimes not so major) topics that arise. So the first step in limiting your child's anxiety is learning to control your own.
- August 21, 2010 6:29 PM
- Joeymom said...
Sorry, catching up. We're having the death and dying problem here, too. And yes, we made the mistake of reading Barbar to Joey one night, and it made it much, much worse. And I got halfway through Charlotte's Web, which is a favorite movie here, and realized, oh no, Charlotte DIES!!! AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
- September 05, 2010 10:08 PM
Just hope that Dierks Bentley never dies, or if he does that Bud doesn't find out about it.
- September 11, 2010 7:57 PM
Just hope that Dierks Bentley never dies, or if he does that Bud doesn't find out about it.
- September 11, 2010 7:58 PM


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Car trade organizations and advocacy groups for the vision-impaired have joined forces to set noise standards for electric and hybrid cars.
Their goal is simple: keep blind folks from being run over by cars they can't hear coming.
The groups involved - the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, National Federation of the Blind, Association of International Automobile Manufacturers and American Council of the Blind - have signed a joint letter which they presented to legislators working on US Senate bill S. 3302, the Motor Vehicle Safety Act of 2010. The language in the letter is expected to be added as an amendment to that broader bill.
The letter proposes that the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) begin within 18 months to create alert-sound standards that would allow a blind person - or, for that matter, anyone - to "reasonably detect" the approach of an otherwise-silent electric or hybrid car. Those standards would then be made law within three years.
The alert sound would, according to the letter, take into account "the overall community noise impact," meaning that you need not fear siren, whistles, or highly amplified voices shouting "Look out!" Also, the alert sound or sound sets would be standardized — you won't, as one reporter noted, be able to customize your own car's sounds in the same way that you "can download ringtones for cell phones".
The sounds will be required to present not only location information to those who hear them, but also provide feedback on the vehicle's speed and rate of acceleration - and, no, the Doppler effect wouldn't work until it was too late, the car had just run you down, and was zipping away.
Work on an agreement concerning the alert system was energized last year when substantially similar bills were introduced in the the Senate (S. 841) and the House (H.R. 734), both entitled the Pedestrian Safety Enhancement Act of 2009, and both more narrowly focused on alerting the blind to silent-running electric vehicles than the Motor Vehicle Safety Act of 2010, which the new joint letter addresses.
In a statement representative of the comity being displayed by the carmakers and activists for the blind, National Federation of the Blind president Marc Maurer said that his group "commends the automobile industry for its leadership on this issue and for its genuine concern for the safety of blind Americans, cyclists, runners, small children, and other pedestrians". ®


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Globe vet Chappell leads 'Desert Cities'
Kandis Chappell has appeared in more plays at the Balboa Park theater than any other actress
In the Tony-nominated play "Other Desert Cities," the character of Polly Wyeth is the drama's linchpin, a fierce, polarizing lion of a woman who holds together her affluent but deeply troubled Palm Desert family.
Jon Robin Baitz's Pulitzer Prize-nominated play makes its San Diego premiere this week at the Old Globe Theatre, and the meaty, multilayered role of Polly is in the capable hands of Kandis Chappell. The longtime Globe associate artist has appeared in more than 30 plays at the Globe since her 1975 debut — more than any other actress — and she is excited to return to her hometown stage this spring to co-star in the play with two fellow associate artists and longtime friends, Robert Foxworth and Robin Pearson Rose.
"Other Desert Cities" is set during the Christmas season of 2004. Retired right-wing political bigwig Lyman Wyeth (Foxworth), an actor-turned-ambassador for the Reagan administration, and his wife, retired screenwriter Polly, are hosting family for the holidays. Guests include Polly's ultraliberal sister, Silda (Pearson Rose), their son Trip (Andy Bean) and their adult daughter Brooke (Dana Green), who announces that she's planning to publish a memoir that will dredge up a tragic and dark secret from their family's past — the suicide of her brother Henry, who had been involved decades before in a radical underground group.
Foxworth, an Encinitas resident who played the same role in "Other Desert Cities" at Los Angeles' Mark Taper Forum last fall, has worked twice before at the Globe with Chappell, first in a production of Noel Coward's "Private Lives" in 1996 and then in 2003's "Julius Caesar."
"She's a thorough, professional, solidly responsible actor who's a pleasure to work with," Foxworth said. "She brings a great deal of imagination and creativity to the table as well."
Hometown girl
Chappell moved last year to the Bay Area city of Alameda, but San Diego will always be her home. Born in Milwaukee, she moved with her family to Little Italy in 1953 when she was 6 years old. At Kearny High School, she gave up orchestra classes for drama, and at 17 she volunteered as a "prop girl" for the Old Globe, which was a low-budget community theater in the mid-1960s.
She first worked with Craig Noel, the Globe's founding artistic director, in 1972, doing props for a play that starred actor Don Sparks (her co-star in this past winter's "Pygmalion"). In 1975, she made her Globe stage debut in the one-act "After Magritte." And she was working there when an arson fire destroyed the Globe on the morning of March 8, 1978. Chappell and her fellow castmates went on with the show (in the adjacent, undamaged Cassius Carter theater) that evening amid the smoking ruins.
"Craig called all of us together and said, 'You will perform tonight, because people have to know we're still here,' " Chappell recalled. "We were all so worried that Craig would die from a broken heart."
Over the years, Chappell's theater career has taken her all over the country. She did summer stock in Minnesota, had a lean year in Seattle, worked heavily at South Coast Repertory in Costa Mesa in the late 1980s and early 1990s, and spent several years in New York and Los Angeles.
She created the lead role in Donald Margulies' "Collected Stories" in 1996 and has played it four times. She's also starred several times as Eleanor of Aquitaine in "The Lion in Winter." She's accomplished in the works of George Bernard Shaw, and she said she'll "go anywhere" to do a play by Shakespeare or Alan Ayckbourn (her all-time favorite role was the daydreaming housewife Susan in Ayckbourn's "Woman in Mind").
She hasn't hurt for stage work for decades, but she never broke through into films or television.
"It never really happened for me there. If someone called me, I'd go in a second, but what would kill my soul would be to live in L.A. and spend all my time going to auditions," she said. "I'm lucky because my career has been spent with people calling me and offering me work. If I'm going to be poor and struggling, I'd rather be doing Shaw and Shakespeare than two lines on TV."
Noel, who died in 2010 at the age of 94, remains her all-time favorite director.
"He became my spiritual father, he was my mentor, and he did a lot to shape my life and career," she said. "Sometimes I feel like a dinosaur because everything about my aesthetic and my approach to work I learned from Craig Noel."
Chappell said she's talked about retiring, but as long as good roles are still being offered, she won't. She would like to start a play-reading group so she can perform some of the roles she's now too old to play, like Juliet from "Romeo and Juliet," Rosalind in "As You Like It" and Lizzie in "The Rainmaker."
Playing Polly
Chappell said that she's still exploring the character of Polly in "Other Desert Cities," which is being directed by Richard Seer, who runs the Globe's MFA theater program at the University of San Diego. The character is iron-willed, but Chappell said she's finding Polly's softer side.
"I told Rick (Seer) I don't want her to be brittle or domineering. She's so tough in her way, but I don't want her to be hard. We're walking a very fine line here."
She describes her technique for creating a character as "pointillist."
"I work technically, very much from the outside in. I have to put every dot in place with a character and then the audience sees the finished picture," she said. "To get there I ask a lot of questions and do what I call arm wrestling. I'm not sure every director likes it, but I tell them that if I have to do this eight times a week, it won't make sense if I'm faking it. It has to be right for me."
Returning to "Other Desert Cities" for the second time, Foxworth said he understands the complex relationship between Polly and Lyman, who are living with long-buried secrets and lies that have poisoned their marriage as well as their relationship with their surviving children.
"Lyman's a guy with a smart, smart wife who has gone with the flow," he said. "She is the motivator for this family and has done the difficult job of moving them into the positions of power and respectability, but she's done it at a great, great cost."
"Other Desert Cities"
When: Previews April 27 through May 1; opens May 2. Performances: 7 p.m. Sundays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays; 8 p.m. Thursdays-Saturdays; 2 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays. Through June 2.
Where: The Old Globe Theatre, Balboa Park
Tickets: $29 and up
Phone: (619) 234-5623
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Shirt: What Happens on Night Shift Stays on Night Shift
+Materials: This design is featured on the softest and most comfortable Bella+Canvas Unisex Short Sleeve Jersey Tee which is made of 100% combed ringspun cotton (Heather colors are 52% combed ringspun cotton and 48% polyester). It features unisex sizing, a retail fit (fitted at bicep), side seams, and shoulder-to-shoulder taping. All clothing designs found in this shop are created using a variety of professional vinyl products, including standard and glitter options, and applied using an industrial sublimation heat press to ensure permanent adherence to a variety of clothing materials.
+Design: By the lovely Nurse, Samantha of The Graytest Adventure
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First there was too many faces, and now diesel has done a 180 with a watch with no faces at all. What's next? Putting the clock on the back of the watch?
Inexplicably, clocks for four time zones are embedded into the side of the Diesel DZ9044. So, you would need to twist the face or stick your arm straight out in order to tell the time. Let me just say that you might want to keep your arm down while doing that. A man doing a Nazi salute in public might be frowned upon. [Watchismo via Technabob]