text:
Harry says, Third Time is the Charm for TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
Third time's the charm they say – and when it comes to TRANSFORMERS movies, the saying is right.
This is a strange series that I am mostly not a fan of. I love TRANSFORMERS – the toy line and the animated show – but never quite have been able to count myself as a fan of any of the films, until now. TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON is simply the best film of the franchise – by a great deal.
How this came to be, many of us will speculate, but I'm pretty sure it is a combination of Michael Bay fully embracing and shooting this outing in full 3D – using the amazing camera set-ups innovated by James Cameron – with Cameron's tech folks – and even some advice from James Cameron himself. Shooting in 3D requires you to slow down – especially if you're Michael Bay. I'm told that it takes 3 seconds for your brain to properly process a shot in 3D, 3 seconds is an eternity in Bay-speak – but in this film – you're going to see a dynamic to his action that is nothing short of jaw-dropping. I say "Jaw-Dropping" not with any sense of hyperbole – in the last hour of this film you're going to see shit go down that will physically cause your jaw to drop. Hang open and perhaps end with a smile.
Before I jump into that final hour of the film, let's talk about the movie as if it was about more than the action scenes. There's the rest of the movie to dig in with.
TRANSFORMERS as Michael Bay has come to define it is made up of a few crucial elements. For a while, I was convinced that this was the ultimate juvenile porn, but porn isn't right. Michael Bay is a fetishist, just like Russ Meyer – the king of his brand of exploitation – and I don't think anyone would deny that Bay is about exploitation. Exploitation of women, men, cars, patriotism, the Military, Nasa and in these films… ROBOTS. In the last outing, Bay was so brazen that he even gave a giant robot – a giant pair of clinking metal balls and then clanked them before our raped eyeballs.
In TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON – he still has some of that silly shit that I don't like. You know – like Shia's parents, like John Turturro's character… and to the ultimate in silly, they add a character by John Malkovich and Frances McDormand – and it is like Bay was saying, "I want Academy Award level actors, but I'm going to make them act like the silly characters in a Russ Meyer flick." Because that's how Turturro, Malkovich and McDormand come across. Those 3 characters & the parents are just terrible. I might be so abused by John Turturro in the overall series, but I did think his character dialed it back quite a bit from the last film. But still… Why can't the three best actors in the movie be the three best actors in the movie?
I find it fascinating that the better respected an actor you are – the more silly you will be required to perform in a Michael Bay film. Perhaps Copernicus will work up the actual science behind the formula. But I'm convinced my hypothesis will be proven valid.
Meanwhile, for the very first time Shia LaBeouf finally wrestles a bit of respect for his character. And for the name of Sam Witwicky. You see – here's a character that has saved the world twice from the nightmare of Decepticon rule – but has never been given any real world respect. You'll see Obama give him a medal – but he can't explain what it is for. Saving the world curiously doesn't have any real world applications, beyond prepping you for future world ending robotic plans.
In the previous two films, in a way, Sam Witwicky was getting harangued into action. Here – here he sniffs it out. He pursues it. He is fully initiated and seeking to save the world and in particular his new – HOLY FUCK HOT GIRLFRIEND!
Ok – so who plays the HOLY FUCK HOT GIRLFRIEND?
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the HOLY FUCK HOT GIRLFRIEND. Rosie is apparently in a relationship with Jason Statham, but in the Michael Bay rules of the universe, she would be Shia LaBeouf's gal. This reinforces my Russ Meyer theory, though Shia by no means look like the typical garbage man, no – Shia is a very handsome young man, but I do wonder… What this film would be if his real girlfriend, Carey Mulligan was cast opposite him. Because Carey Mulligan is a holy wow actress of the highest possible caliber… wait, that would totally not work, because by her talent level, it would mean using BAY-acting-physics that Carey Mulligan would be required to be nothing more than be an incredibly silly & grating character… whereas Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who's vaunted acting experience is limited to modeling Victoria Secret fashions… which I'm positive she is brilliant at. As great as her runway prowesses are – she's kinda perfect for Michael Bay. Her opening following shot is what 3D was invented for. Trust me. It is easily the new gold standard of PG13 softcore wank material. In 3D – men & boys will verbally react to the shot I'm talking about.
Rosie's character of Carly is Shia's new girlfriend. She has a job working for Patrick Dempsey's Dylan. Dempsey seems to be intended to create a love triangle and make Shia incredibly threatened.
Sam Witwicky is essentially a Rodney Dangerfield character. He doesn't get respect from anyone but Optimus Prime. His parents do not respect him. His girlfriend, treats him like a poodle. He saved the world and can't get a job. It's a genuine – real likable plot entanglement for the young Sam. The best "situation" he's been in, of the three movies.
But what sets this apart from the other two is that the TRANSFORMERS story is genuinely a really dire and powerful problem. There's old school betrayal going on. Then there's SPOCK-BOT! I love SPOCK-BOT! I love that SPOCK-BOT friggin looks like Nimoy – and I love that the film heads in directions that look pretty damn bad for the Autobots. I love that this isn't just a story where Sam might die, but everyone is in danger. I love the Government soldiers in the last hour. I love the flying squirrel suits. I love the 3D. Love it.
If the film didn't have any actor or actress that has won or been nominated for an Oscar – and Sam's parents were gone, this would most likely be a pretty damn near perfectly awesome TRANSFORMERS movie. With those performances, this is just a really fun Transformers movie with an hour of holy fuck that can blow your mind.
After I saw the film, my brain felt tired. Not from great thoughts, but from the experience of the film. It wore my brain out watching it. I found myself thinking about the set-ups Bay made to physically make this movie. The sheer volume of wow shots is spectacular. I still find myself longing for a Transformers film where the Transformers are themselves the central characters. Where there is no need for goofy humor and we can tell the story completely straight, with an occasional light moment here or there… But applying Russ Meyer dynamics to giant summer toy inspired filmmaking… How can I not quite enjoy that? I can't. Bay finally won me over with this one. Same with Moriarty.
At this point, Bay can leave the series on a triumphant note I feel – but given the sort of money this franchise has made – I'd love to see producer Steven Spielberg to give a shot telling a TRANSFORMERS story of his own.
The action in this film is truly amazing work. Bay's talent for designing these shots is nothing short of amazing to watch. The physical look of everything is amazing. That I really kinda loved Shia's Sam in this film – and he has a moment when he's going after a pillar in this film, where I'll be damned, but I stopped thinking of Sam as some idiot kid, and saw an incredibly brave soul that was putting his life on the line against incredibly terrible odds – and he acted quickly, decisively and with a true sense of heroism that I found quite powerful.
Oh – and if you love Chicago – you're gonna see it get all kinds of fucked up in the best ways. But honestly – the big chunk of my love for this movie comes from a single scene between Buzz Aldrin and Optimus Prime. Watching this scene, fried my geek brain. It was just one of those things, where I'm sitting there and I'm watching Buzz Aldrin talking to Optimus about the first Moon mission and it's secret purpose – and I just fell in love. That's awesome sci-fi geek fantasy shit – and it totally owned me.
Readers Talkbackcomments powered by Disqus
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June 27, 2011, 4:11 a.m. CST
by TheDark0Knight
June 27, 2011, 4:16 a.m. CST
by Obscura
REALLY? I'm gonna trust you Harry... even though the last film was a vile mess that made me hate my childhood.
June 27, 2011, 4:19 a.m. CST
by Sanyi
Watching it wednesday in 3-D. Hope it will kick the shit out of me. I...hope. Really
June 27, 2011, 4:19 a.m. CST
Let's hope...
by Glasswalker64
...Harry is right on this one. Don't want to feel as though I wasted valuable sleep time watching T3:DoM at midnight.
June 27, 2011, 4:19 a.m. CST
Harry slept thru Inception and stayed up for this. so...
by evilnik
June 27, 2011, 4:20 a.m. CST
And he liked G.I.Joe. remember.
by evilnik
June 27, 2011, 4:26 a.m. CST
Harry, how did they treat Shockwave???
by Brandon Gable
Was he truly the Big Bad of the film or was he Megatron's little bitch assassin like the video games make him out? Don't need spoilers but touch on it, Red!
June 27, 2011, 4:32 a.m. CST
Carey Mulligain
by drwilliamweir
IIRC is no longer together with La Beef.
June 27, 2011, 4:34 a.m. CST
how much did they pay you?
by billyhitchcock1
June 27, 2011, 4:37 a.m. CST
According to Total Film magazine...
by DirkD13"
Whiteley is fucking AWFUL, so movie-derailing, soul-suckingly hurrendous that she makes Megan Fox look like an academy award winning actress. Your Russ Meyer comparisons are obviously quite apt Harry.
June 27, 2011, 4:38 a.m. CST
by NeonFrisbee
Yeah, I'm sorry, the first two sucked (I have NO excuse whatsoever for even seeing the second as I HATED the first one), so I'm gonna roll with the absolute certainty that this one sucks too and save my money.
June 27, 2011, 4:40 a.m. CST
Harry is correct
by IMAXProjectionist
Screened this on Saturday night in IMAX after I built it, now I'm not sure how Harry saw it. But it needs to be seen in IMAX. The 3D is the best 3D I've seen in a movie by far. The things that ILM can do is insane. See this movie, its worth your time and money. Haters are always going to hate.
June 27, 2011, 4:43 a.m. CST
After I saw the film, my brain felt tired. Not from great thoughts, but from the experience of the film. It wore my brain out watching it.
by NeonFrisbee
I felt the same way from watching the first two. Not only did it make my brain feel tired, it hurt. As if parts of my brain had been surgically removed by an incoherent barrage of completely weightless CGI, sub-literate/retarded dialogue, and cringe-worthy everything. You could get the same effect from staring at a strobe light for 2 hours+ -- it won't make you dumber by surgically removing parts of your brain, but it may induce an ocular migraine.
June 27, 2011, 4:49 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Yeah, Michael Shit Bay made a good movie! Yeah, right! That's as believable as the moon being made of cheese. Oh yes, this is also the same place that claimed that Abrams Trek is a good movie. For a moment i forgot about that. Now it makes sense.
June 27, 2011, 4:54 a.m. CST
by emeraldboy
dosent seem to like any films? or films made by specific directors....
June 27, 2011, 5:08 a.m. CST
"Shitformers 3" is just as terrible as the other 2 movies.
by Trannyformers_Apologist
Bay's extreme 3D compositions at least makes the format a worthwhile bolt-on to the franchise, but with the constant LOUD NOISES, anaemic storytelling, non-existent emotional resonance and cringingly bad comedy, this expensive sound-and-light show is a bit like slamming your head repeatedly against an arcade pinball machine for 150 minutes. 2 out 4 stars digitalspy.com As Bad As It Gets – A Review Of Transformers: Dark Of The Moon Clunky, tactless and downright unethical, Transformers; Dark Of The Moon might just be the worst film thus far made during the lifetime of Hope Lies at 24 Frames Per Second. hopelies.com This is easily the dumbest movie you will see at a cinema this year. A movie is a story. A story has rules. If you set a movie on Earth, you have to obey some rules, including the laws of gravity and physics. Having a partial acquaintance with logic also helps. Sadly, Transformers 3 has none of those things. Just because the movie is about warring intergalactic transforming mechanical lifeforms is no excuse. scifitv.com.au/Blog those who loathe the series won't be convinced no matter what, but that begs the question why they'd even bother to see the third film let alone go in with an open mind. There are pacing problems and pockets of goofy humor in the first part of Act Two that threaten to derail the film, but it wisely course-corrects enough to save itself. 3.5/5 ign.com Rosie Huntington Whiteley can't act for toffee in the new Transformers movie Dark Of The Moon. After a while though your brain yearns for signs of intelligent life in the universe. You know, creatures who can, perhaps, hold a sensible conversations instead of merely booming in a baritone voice about the end of this and the end of that. dailymail.co.uk
June 27, 2011, 5:09 a.m. CST
Absolutely unreadable
by Edward_nygma
June 27, 2011, 5:12 a.m. CST
by photoboy
Let's be honest here, Bayformers was fucked from the moment Bay redesigned the robots and made them walking piles of scrap metal. No matter how hard they try, this version of Transformers will always be inferior, especially after Spielberg turned it into a "boy and his first car" story. They badly need someone who loves the original source material to reboot this series and save it. The one single thing they got right was Peter Cullen, and even then they've got Optimus Prime advertising eBay in the first fucking film. BRING ON THE REBOOT!!!!!!!!!
June 27, 2011, 5:13 a.m. CST
Wait Buzz Aldrin? The Actual Buzz Aldrin is in this film? thats pretty mental
by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm
June 27, 2011, 5:14 a.m. CST
Oh and good review Harry nice to see you dialed back from your own personal 'Bayhem' a bit ;0)
by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm
June 27, 2011, 5:20 a.m. CST
I hope this is as good as
by syn_flood
Van Helsing or Nightmare On Elm Street
June 27, 2011, 5:34 a.m. CST
Losing the plot?
by VoxMillennium
Harry basically gave us an excuse why the characters are so flat, i.e. they're good actors so necessarily Bay made them silly ... uh ... ok? Furthermore he claims the action is incredible. That's it. Actually, just a little minor question, what is the movie actually about?
June 27, 2011, 5:44 a.m. CST
by Trannyformers_Apologist
Bay has delivered another empty spectacle that is overlong and mostly tedious. Transformers: Dark of the Moon is little more than a 'leave your brain at the door' film for audiences with the dubious ability to stop themselves from thinking. The problem is, such films still need to be exciting, engaging and entertaining and not boring, annoying and embarrassing. 1 and half stars blog.cinemaautopsy.com
June 27, 2011, 5:46 a.m. CST
by aleph_null
Can't wait to see what Mojo is up to as well!!!! Hopefully what I am hearing about the bots getting more screen time and dialogue is true, I'm gonna crank-start-fart all the way to my seat!!!!!
June 27, 2011, 5:51 a.m. CST
by aleph_null
Don't ya just love it! Be sure to check out MichaelBay.com Shoot for the edit for all the lastest on Transformers 4: Light of The Son, Devastor returns to teabag Rodimus Prime!
June 27, 2011, 5:59 a.m. CST
this review tells me nothing
by gk1
other than i can expect this movie to be as bad as the others, but i have to see it in 3D. um...i'll wait.
June 27, 2011, 6:01 a.m. CST
so who plays the HOLY FUCK HOT GIRLFRIEND?
by V'Shael
The very fact that you'd type that question, despite every single news service on the planet talking about how Megan Fox was fired, and who she was replaced with, just shows how much you're shilling for this. You have your list of bullet points, provided by the studio perhaps, and you're going to hit every single one. Even if it makes zero sense to do so on a movie site which has covered every second of the production.
June 27, 2011, 6:02 a.m. CST
That "Russ Meyer dynamic" makes my brain hurt
by kafka07
And now they've brought the lovely Frances McDormand into it too, ugh. Malkovich I still haven't forgiven for doing Jonah Hex, so fuck that guy. Honestly I feel a bit 3D'd out now. I think two 3D films per year is all I require. And why is Spielberg such a shit magnet these days?
June 27, 2011, 6:10 a.m. CST
TF3 gets a positive review here? What an absolute shocker...
by Stegman84
You know, given all the pimping that they have already done for the film, and the paid staffer visits to the set and editing suite that have happened, oh and the special AICN screening that has been set up. Yeah, as if this was going to ever get a fair and balanced review on AICN. Instead a slew of 'I didn't expect much to be honest, but...' positive hype reviews are going to be spewed out on the site by all the regulars, with the one token 'I didn't love it as much as everyone else did, but it is still worth seeing' entry for balance. Yep, bought and fucking paid for. If you actually liked the first two Transformer films and are looking forward to this one, then I truly pity your filmic taste, but I at least get that, so have at it you no taste crazy motherfuckers. But if you hated the last two films, and still think that this film will be any better, or don't, but still pay good money to go see it anyway, then you are part of the fucking problem. Every time you knowingly reward a crap film at the box office God kills an indie film maker.
June 27, 2011, 6:12 a.m. CST
Got my ticket for a Press screening tonight so Whooooo Hoooo!
by CeejayNightwing
Harry.....dude.....your reviews are so......god I dont even know how to describe them! Annoying? Anyway personally i think the film does look a lot better than the first 2, ROTF had a ropey story, but as far as CGI, musical score, etc go it was solid enough. As for the bedroom dwelling hermits on AICN slagging off people who see these films - well they are you normal average well adjusted person who fancies watching immense CGI and action for the thrill of it. Its not about leaving your brains at the door. Id feel sad if I lived your depressing, dismissive life for even one day :(
Oh and in another TF3 talkback some nob was banging on about how bad these films are and the 'crap cgi'. Hang on now, because unless Im blind, which Im clearly not, the cgi in these movies is absolutely incredible.
June 27, 2011, 6:27 a.m. CST
annoying director. bad series. stupid source material.
by Spandau Belly
three strikes, you're out!
June 27, 2011, 6:27 a.m. CST
So, seven-hours in, no emergence of a theme, message, arc or subtext...
by justmyluck
... but more 3D spectacle and boom boom to grab loads of cash. Nothing new here except maybe Bay's technique is crafted better than the last two entries of Hasbro's TF toy line tie-in. At least Harry addressed the Army, Air Force, president, astronaut, automobiles, etc...all the required childhood conditioning elements are packed in. Like 'conspiracy' said in the last TF article TB...Bay is cinematic WAL-MART, and eventually everybody ends up there sooner or later...you can't put it better than that.
June 27, 2011, 6:28 a.m. CST
Carey Mulligan is in DRIVE, which will be awesome
by Spandau Belly
She made the right choice.
June 27, 2011, 6:28 a.m. CST
and finally
by Ballbag
I can enjoy a thought provoking, emotional, and well told story as much as the next movie geek, but I can also enjoy a stupid comedy or a mindless action flick. If you cant you must have a pretty limited personality.
June 27, 2011, 6:31 a.m. CST
WTF is a Spock Bot?
by DOGSOUP
Parts of this review just...dissolved.
June 27, 2011, 6:33 a.m. CST
It's going to be sick
by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE
Can't wait!
June 27, 2011, 6:38 a.m. CST
The Spock bot is the robot Leonard Nimoy voices
by justmyluck
I think.
June 27, 2011, 6:41 a.m. CST
Looking forward to this
by D.Vader
I'm very interested in seeing how Bay had to adapt his shooting and editing style for 3D. He went from being anti-3D to a total convert with this project, and I look forward more to his version of 3D than someone like Martin Campbell's on Green Lantern.
June 27, 2011, 6:48 a.m. CST
by MandrakeRoot
You're absolutely right. Some people are just so retarded that despite the first two awful movies they'll pay to see this anyway. It seems that either Bay is just great at fooling people into thinking he'll actually turn out a decent product, or people just can't wait to go look at even more shiny robots. The problem - besides the fact that they're awful movies - is that the CGI is both the best and worst part of the movie at the same time. Sure some robots look somewhat realistic and the constant spectacle is well-animated, but the designs are just so god-awful. They are over complicated and not distinguished at all. It makes fight/action scenes sometimes impossible to follow. Add Bays quick-cut, shaky-cam, and close-up action directing and the thing is just a cluttered mess with no reference point. Maybe he dialed back on this cause of the 3D cameras, but I doubt that. He can use Camerons innovative tech all he wants, but he should really be taking notes on how to direct a solid action scene.
June 27, 2011, 6:51 a.m. CST
Sorry, don't believe a word of it.. ya know WHY?
by LargoJr
Harry starts off with saying the reason why the film is the best, is maybe because Bay embraced filming in 3D? SERIOUSLY? Ok folks.. 3D is NOT a replacement for story, plot, flow and/or character development. Never was.. never will. ANYONE who claims that 3D is the end all/BE all of film making is full of grade A bullshit.
June 27, 2011, 6:54 a.m. CST
by justmyluck
When others don't enjoy stupid comedies or mindless action flicks THE WAY YOU DO, it does not mean in any way they have limited personalities!
June 27, 2011, 6:56 a.m. CST
me, Grimlock, king!
by mick vance
if they aren't going to give us what we all want (the dinobots), then i say f this movie. i'm just gonna watch the 80's cartoon movie again like i do every couple of years when another of these pieces of crap get released. also, sean connery is probably the most respected actor bay has ever worked with, and he tore that shit up in the rock.
June 27, 2011, 6:56 a.m. CST
Action means nothing without context
by Mr Gorilla
Unless it happens within a story, and to characters in whom the viewer has invested, action means nothing. This explains why films like POINT BREAK, STAR WARS, AVATAR, THE DARK KNIGHT, SPIDER-MAN 2 etc are more exciting than TRANSFORMERS. I will never expect Michael Bay to understand this. But I would have thought Harry should.
June 27, 2011, 6:59 a.m. CST
J.J. Abrams' Transformers
by UMAGA
I wonder what that would have been like? Maybe have Spike be a little younger and a character you actually care about. Maybe have a girlfriend who doesn't look like she's going to get cancer from over tanning. Maybe an interesting script and characters.
June 27, 2011, 7:04 a.m. CST
Zach Snyder would've made the best possible Transformers movie
by Spandau Belly
I'm not saying this material has much potential, but a Snyderized Transformers would be the best it could be.
June 27, 2011, 7:05 a.m. CST
harry is morally, artistically and spiritually bankrupt
by Waka_Flocka
June 27, 2011, 7:06 a.m. CST
My partner hates 3D glasses, but I'm dragging his ass to see this.
by AssyMuffJizz
We haven't seen a 3D movie since Avatar, so he better not bitch about it.
June 27, 2011, 7:15 a.m. CST
"Best 3D since Avatar" isn't much of a compliment.
by knowthyself
Avatar doesn't need 3D to stay watchable on bluray. It's not like it's a different movie because of it.
June 27, 2011, 7:15 a.m. CST
Read Harry's review....
by Omis
Now picture Devastator's balls clanking as he is mounting Harry's big fat ass. You're welcome.
June 27, 2011, 7:23 a.m. CST
Usually, I'd say...
by Jonathan Hicks
'Hey! It's a movie about giant talking robots, what more do you want?' After watching the first two, what I want is a movie that's not a steaming pile of shit. Non-existant talking robots or not, there's really no excuse for unmitigated wank when there's talent and large sums of money involved. Did I say talent? I was being kind.
June 27, 2011, 7:26 a.m. CST
Does Ritalin come with the 3D glasses?!
by yamayama
I'll be honest here. I have yet to sit through a full Michael Bay film. The last two Transformers movies havent been entertainment. They were an ordeal i endured until i gave up and left the cinema. The only reason i stuck with it was because of Megan Fox. Yes thats right the only reason i watched Transformers was because of Megan Fox. I dont know if its Bay's editing, or his complete disregard for narrative logical storytelling, but for the life of me i cant enjoy any of Bays works. And the CGI for the first two movies was a pain on my eyes. Because of the intricate design of the robots the CGI was a nightmare for my eyes. Half the time when i saw an Autobot transform it was like some bizarre avant garde piece of art that you might see in a Aphex Twin video. It just didnt register with my eyes consciously. If you were to put on a video loop all the CGI scenes of the Autobots and Decepticons transforming back and forth, it would give you a seizure or fit. They could play it on loop in secret CIA prisons to torture prisoners. ....so when it comes to Transformers 3 i am apprehensive that if i watched it in 3D, i would end up getting brainmelt and i would need Ritalin or a shot of Adrenaline to come out of the cinema. Nothing in Bay's portfolio suggests that Bay will change his method of sharp quick, messy editing and bizarre scripting that would make Homer Simpson feel short changed. And there is no Megan Fox in this one to soothe my hurting CGIed eyes. So will the cinemas be handing out Ritalin with the 3D glasses?!....
June 27, 2011, 7:35 a.m. CST
transformers 2 was so bad i chewed the inside of my mouth until it bled
by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm
I have never walked out of a film and never will. I will see it through to the bitter end but by god Transformers 2 was painful.......
June 27, 2011, 7:41 a.m. CST
by art123guy
I think what Harry's saying is that since Bay embraced the 3D, he had to do longer, drawn out shots as opposed to his usual rapid fire shots that confuse the hell out of you. Not that that instantly makes it a better film, it just lets you see what's going on better which we know was an issue in the first 2.
June 27, 2011, 7:42 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Are you trying to be deliberatly dumb or what? My pacience for that type of smart-arsery has limits. You would need to live under a fucking rock to not be aware by now how much i love movies and which some of those i love are. So, please, don't be daft, ok, my irish friend?
June 27, 2011, 7:47 a.m. CST
two questions
by awardgiver
Do people shout unnecessarily at each other like in other Bay films...you know, indoors while trying to have a simple conversation? And again to quote Bart Simpson: Are there any jive talking robots in this film? (I bet thats where Bay's dumb ass got the idea from for the second movie) If the answer is yes to both, I will pass.
June 27, 2011, 7:56 a.m. CST
If the only thing to recommend TF3 is the 3-D...
by Orbots Commander
...then it's likely as shit-tastic as the second movie, which was hands down awful. Surprising, because I generally liked the first one. And Avatar doesn't NEED the 3-D to be enjoyed; it's no The Godfather, but it works as a very good action adventure film just fine on plain old 2-D DVD.
June 27, 2011, 8:07 a.m. CST
harry is the michael bay of movie reviewing
by animas
I can't make it more than 2 paragraphs without my head and eyes hurting.
June 27, 2011, 8:10 a.m. CST
Hey Asi
by D.Vader
Did you end up ever seeing Super 8?
June 27, 2011, 8:18 a.m. CST
why all the hate
by vicmackey1268
Transformers was so much fun being able to see the toys I grew up with actually getting a movie. If anyone was to do this, it should've been Michael Bay, especially cuz his level of "boom!!!" matches with the constant fighting and ridiculous storytelling kids do while playing with toys. The rock music during the car chase, the action, and just hearing Optimus, the music during when all the robots crash land to Earth, the humor with the parents was fresh and kind of reminded me of my parents in a way. I want to like this, EVERYONE agrees T2 blew, and if Michael Bay slowed down JUST to do Avatar 3D....well, Avatar sucked as an original story but was possibly one of the greatest theater experiences I've ever had...I can still remember how I wanted to grab those floating plant things and move them out of my face, or the strange stomach rollercoaster sensation during the flying training....anywho...T3 destroyed my city and i can't wait to watch it
June 27, 2011, 8:21 a.m. CST
Harry_the_pedo... That's fucking rude.
by Larry Knowles
That's my brother you're badmouthing. You're being fucking rude asshole. Seriously, don't you have anything better to write about than someone's weight issues? Cheap shots douche. Pathetic.
June 27, 2011, 8:23 a.m. CST
by Darth Busey
June 27, 2011, 8:26 a.m. CST
Interesting that there isn't one mention of a story.
by blackmantis
Oh, yeah, it's a Michael Bay movie...there isn't one.
June 27, 2011, 8:28 a.m. CST
I'd LOVE for Bay to direct a JUSTICE LEAGUE blockbuster...where he leaves a great story/script untouched, and lets great actors...work.
by JDanielP
Is that even POSSIBLE for Michael Bay? --His original TRANSFORMERS I actually like. --I would LOVE for Bay to direct an alien invasion within a JUSTICE LEAGUE flick, with world military getting help from Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, etc... We just know that Michael Bay would ROCK OUR EYEBALLS with such material. Combine HIS VISUAL TALENT with a great story/script and top acting...and we would ALL have our minds blown away!!!
June 27, 2011, 8:29 a.m. CST
Glad its coming out, can't wait to see it - now give us Bad Boys 3
by DonnyUnitas
Because THAT'S a film universe within which I want one last ride.
June 27, 2011, 8:29 a.m. CST
Harry doesn't usually talk much about story
by D.Vader
June 27, 2011, 8:33 a.m. CST
Rednecks are the new Nazis
by D.Vader
Well there's an overblown statement that doesn't make any sense.
June 27, 2011, 8:33 a.m. CST
Theory about AICN's reviews
by sunwukong86
they give a positive review to any movie that gives them free passes
June 27, 2011, 8:39 a.m. CST
Yeah..what's the fuckin story?
by knowthyself
Part 2 is such a chore to sit through...too long...one big fucking headache.
June 27, 2011, 8:40 a.m. CST
ballbag, the CGI of Bayformers might be very well professionally done, no discussion about that.
by AsimovLives
But that is not the only way a CGI is good or bad. for instnace, how often people complained about the weigthlessness feeling that the igiant robots don't seem to have any weight? And the over-busy design that has no narrative function at all? Good CGi is not just only the technical part.
June 27, 2011, 8:40 a.m. CST
Transformers1-enjoyable summer flick. Transformers2-boring substandard forgettable effort
by Larry Knowles
Hoping that 3 will be at least as good as the first (which ain't asking too much). Also, Harry, please give me a call. Your "reviews" truly need some work. You're my brother and I love you.
June 27, 2011, 8:42 a.m. CST
the story....
by vicmackey1268
decepticons come to earth to destroy it cuz thats what they do..autobots try to save it and fight back.. damn people, have you ever heard of 80's/90's television...its friggin fighting robots even if the story is that the bad guys need glasses on an ebay page you'd STILL wanna watch it....wait...err....ohhh
June 27, 2011, 8:45 a.m. CST
A movie doesn't necessarily need a "theme", but shouldn't there be some sort of character arc?
by Larry Knowles
Shouldn't the main character be different at the end of the movie than he was at the beginning? How does Sam change during the course of this film?
June 27, 2011, 8:46 a.m. CST
by D.Vader
You are confusing design with CG effects. The CG is quite good. The design is where most of the debate lies.
June 27, 2011, 8:48 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
"I can enjoy a thought provoking, emotional, and well told story as much as the next movie geek, but I can also enjoy a stupid comedy or a mindless action flick." The second part completly defeated the point you were making with your argument. You can't have your cake and eat it too. There's no such thing as free lunches, friend.
June 27, 2011, 8:48 a.m. CST
That pedo guy needs a boot
by TheJudger
This is all he does around here. I don't fully understand why Harry hasn't peeled this losers backside with the ban hammer. He doesn't come here to talk about Films or TV. All he does is talk shit, day in, day out about Harry. There is no leaf to turn here. He's a fucking Troll. The username alone should have earned him an instant ban.
I read the novelization last week and aside from the fact that they picked a pretty pedestrian author to do it (like how many times can you describe Sentinel Prime as the same size as Optimus with red trim?) the story adapted from the script was pretty decent. There were a couple twists, double crosses and a couple really big "oh crap" moments. They are fighting robot movies, not dramatic Oscar bait, Bay is quite capable of delivering the mayhem and as always I read the novel first so I get the story internalized so I just sit back and watch the Bayhem.
June 27, 2011, 8:49 a.m. CST
by john
To be fair, it does look pretty good.
June 27, 2011, 8:52 a.m. CST
umaga, JJ Abrams making a Transformers movie would be a vast improvement, and that's me saying.
by AsimovLives
I'm not saying the movie would be particulary good. I'm not praising Abrams but pointing out how terrible Bay is. Compared to Bay, Abrams looks like a competent director. But that's damning Abrams with faint praise, considering the comparison.
June 27, 2011, 8:54 a.m. CST
Hooray for Spoctimus Prime
by Nuts
But srsly Harry, does this movie make up for the complete suckage of TF1&2?
June 27, 2011, 8:54 a.m. CST
Or you could save $15 by hitting yourself in the head with pots and pans for 2 and a half hours
by SifoDyasJr
Pretty much the same effect as seeing this
June 27, 2011, 8:55 a.m. CST
"a Snyderized Transformers would be the best it could be." I hate to write something that might be mistaken as a praise on Snyder but i have to agree with this statement.
by AsimovLives
But that's not a compliment of Snyder, but a testement of how terrible Bay is. Snyder, terrible as he is, he makes himself look like a proper filmmaker compared with Bay. It's still damning Snyder with faint praise, though.
June 27, 2011, 8:56 a.m. CST
After suffering through the first two and I do mean suffer
by skycrapper
They should just release an hour long version of the movie that cuts out all the actors and just shows robots blowing shit up and fighting each other. That's really all we want to see.
June 27, 2011, 8:56 a.m. CST
everyone in this thread will see this at least once.
by Uncle Pooky
Guaranteed. Without a doubt.
June 27, 2011, 8:59 a.m. CST
so will transformers 4 be a reboot and with Shia be back?
by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm
June 27, 2011, 9 a.m. CST
Isn't anyone else
by blackwood
going to see this just to see it? Not expecting it to be better, not daring to hope it is good, not wanting to turn off or on the brain, not wanting to be entertained or offended -- but literally just to witness whatever Bay has wrought, in 3D? Since so many people are willing to take this franchise and turn it into a moral quandry, I'm just wondering if anyone else has the same idea -- I want to see what happens when Bay meets 3 unbroken seconds of action in 3D. I like robots. I liked the first film to a point, because it had some charm, and think the second is one of the most boring, stupid movies I've ever seen. I like spectacle -- I especially like it when it's hung on something that without it is still interesting. But in this case, I just want the spectacle.
June 27, 2011, 9:01 a.m. CST
The annoying fucking thing....
by jazz_mavericks
For a movie called Transformers, about giant fighting robots called, um, TRANSFORMERS, you have to get about three quarters of the way through the review til one of them is even mentioned!!! And of the TWO Transformers mentioned, he is the ONLY one mentioned by name. When a reviewer spends more time talking about the damn humans in a TRANSFORMERS movie, it can only mean one of two things - the movie about giant fighting robots is actually more about humans, so should really be called Humans: Dark of the Moon, OR, the reviewer is shit and doesn't know what he is talking about.
June 27, 2011, 9:04 a.m. CST
Warner Bros. to Michael Bay, "You've got ONE movie. Routh is Superman, Bale is Batman, Kidman is Wonder Woman, Reynolds is Green Lantern...
by JDanielP
...(etc.)...and you've got your ONE shot to make the best JUSTICE LEAGUE movie that you can possibly make. Best of luck to us all.
June 27, 2011, 9:04 a.m. CST
I will see it just to see it. Theres something trancendental about a Bay film in a cinema
by harryknowlesnothingaboutfilm
Not good per se just the fusion of a large screen and sound system with all that being thrown at the screen even todays ADD kids tend to sit up and take notice and thats quite a feat.
June 27, 2011, 9:05 a.m. CST
Is the story any good, Harry?
by Mr Nicholas
June 27, 2011, 9:07 a.m. CST
Blackwood, I am
by D.Vader
Up above I mentioned how interested I am in seeing how Bay adapted his style to make the 3D work. I'm much more interested in seeing what he does with 3D rather than other directors.
June 27, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST
How come Shia is always yelling "Optimussssss!"...
by OBESE_WAN_KENOBI
In every single one of these. It almost makes me think he's more in love with Optimus Prime than any of his super hot girlfriends. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to create a Rule 34 image with Shia and Optimus.
June 27, 2011, 9:08 a.m. CST
Kidman as Wonder Woman?
by D.Vader
Hmm no thanks.
June 27, 2011, 9:13 a.m. CST
Fatman Harry is fraud and a disgrace
by Nabster
Of course he liked this sure to be piece of malignant shit. Is it even possible that he wouldn't?
June 27, 2011, 9:14 a.m. CST
Right on, d.
by blackwood
I think it's partly because he seems like, literally, the director most ill-suited to the technology. Like asking Michael J. Fox to draw a perfect circle freehand (that was a tasteless, shitty joke and I feel bad).
June 27, 2011, 9:14 a.m. CST
D. Valer, 3d has proven itself to be a useless gimmick
by Nabster
Even in Avatar it was grossly over rated how good the 3d was.
June 27, 2011, 9:17 a.m. CST
Just think. In ten years...
by SenatorJeffersonSmith
Rosie Huntington-Whitley will be considered the Estella Warren of her generation! Good for her.
June 27, 2011, 9:19 a.m. CST
by teamneedle
Fact. Harry liked the first two films, so how can the third be a charm for him. he must say the same while he is working on his third dozen of chicken wings each meal.
June 27, 2011, 9:20 a.m. CST
Transformer movies are well made commercials for toys. And you have to pay to see them. That's it.
by v3d
June 27, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST
Teamneedle, very true, Fatso Harry is not to be trusted
by Nabster
It's a typically revisionist and idiotic thing for Harry to say since we know he liked the first two. And the first two are well known to cause anal cancer. In fact, after a showing of transformers 2 in India, the crowd became so angry and incensed at the vile evil experience they witnessed they killed every white person in sight in retaliation for the crimes Bay committed.
June 27, 2011, 9:30 a.m. CST
by Scaughty
don't you all have any editors at aic?
June 27, 2011, 9:34 a.m. CST
by Cruizer Dave
Saying it's the best of the three isn't saying a lot.
June 27, 2011, 9:34 a.m. CST
And quoteth Total Film...... Behold the Dyson Sexbot!!
by sam jacksons wig
Now for the bad news. British model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is awful – awful! – as LaBeouf's new love interest, sucking the life out of every scene she appears in like some pneumatic Dyson sexbot. Introduced with a leering pan up her Victoria's Secret pins, she achieves the unlikely feat of making Megan Fox look like a proper actress, particularly at moments where she is required to be in peril. Huntington-Whiteley is so terrible, in fact, she makes her co-stars bad too. LaBeouf, for one, has rarely looked so sweatily desperate than in scenes where he is obliged to simulate ardour. But then his own performance isn't much to write home about either, pitched as it is at such a heightened level of consternation you fear he might pass out at any minute. Read more: Transformers 3 review | TotalFilm.com
June 27, 2011, 9:36 a.m. CST
Not enough Bay hate here yet!! Stop concentrating on Harrys usual literary shite and concentrate on the cunt who made this excrement!!!
by sam jacksons wig
June 27, 2011, 9:44 a.m. CST
Visual effects. TF1 was fucking superior to anything. But TF2 was shit on a stick.
by Xen11
How is TF3's compared to the other two movies? Is it on TF1's level? Or is it the shitfest known as TF2's level? The transformers in the first movie looked fucking real, as real life as it gets for these visuals. The transformers in 2 looked like cgi fuckfaces added on to a live action shot. Not even close to the superior level of the first. How is 3?
June 27, 2011, 9:45 a.m. CST
New girlfriend is a lanky fishface zombie
by Knobules
Not impressed with anything but her legs I guess. Also the parents are fun and at least trying. They did not wreck the last two movies. Pissing robots and jibjab BS twins wrecked them. Also having 500 things going on and not being allowed to SEE anything doesnt help.
June 27, 2011, 9:46 a.m. CST
Considering Harry is palling it up with Spielberg
by doom master
of course he's not gonna shitcan this movie... He's smarter than Fox, Ill give him that.
June 27, 2011, 9:47 a.m. CST
Marvel should sue for the swiping of SHIELD wingsuits
by SpyGuy
Seriously, am I the only person who saw those wingsuits and thought of Steranko-era Nick Fury and SHIELD?
June 27, 2011, 9:48 a.m. CST
This thing will make at least 400M domestic
by I_Snake_Plissken
While it saddens me to say so, America has really become a dumbed down society – we're heading towards Mike Judge's Idiocracy society at a breathtaking pace. Reality television, Sarah Palin, congress/politics, and the fact that big, dumb movies make so much money. People no longer want to think, they just want to stare at the screen in vacuous rapture - so long as thing go boom real big, a good quality film is secondary.
June 27, 2011, 9:49 a.m. CST
We all knew that this would happen....
by sam jacksons wig
.....it is like the inevitability of death and the certainty of taxation. After the first 2 we knew that Bay was going to make another pile of tramps wank. We knew that harry would be destined to put down the potato chips for 3 seconds (as Bay has personally made him a food shovelling Transformer, and he named her Yoko.... it's NOT his wife!!) and caress his keypad with his KFC stained fingertips. We knew that Harry would pimp this thing and claim it was seven shades of brilliance instead of seven shades of shite. We knew that the sentence structure, composition and metaphoric resonance of Harrys article would look as if it had been penned by a 3 year old brain dead, blind, spastic child which had been hung upside down by it's big toes from a barbed wire line since it was shat out of its diseased mothers rancid cunt into a puddle of toxic waste. In short, Harry is clapping his chubby digits together with glee. 120 hits and counting....
June 27, 2011, 9:52 a.m. CST
You Haters are truly a pathetic breed
by 2007
Many of us predicted you'd have a fit when this movie started getting good reviews and here it is. No one cares what you think, now SHHADDAP your face.
June 27, 2011, 9:53 a.m. CST
Oh and....No dinobots, no deal.
by I_Snake_Plissken
June 27, 2011, 9:54 a.m. CST
Martin Campbell
by 2007
hey maybe he can infuse this story will all the beloved character work from green lantern! IF you morons can't at least see bays talent when compared to that film you truly are desperate. Green Lantern is performing the way Transformers would if it was you all say it was and the truth is it's not. The world loves it and they will all go running to see it in spite of what people that hate it tell them to think. Michael Bays talent for spectacle is unmatched.
June 27, 2011, 9:54 a.m. CST
xen11 - I don't think that the CGI is really that bad....
by sam jacksons wig
...as far as rendering a truck with human form goes, it is quite a piece of work. It's just that Bay hasn't got a fucking clue how to use it, thinks that it should be in every frame of every shot, throws it at the screen at a million miles per hour in the hopes it will distract tiny minds from the fact there IS NO STORY, and uses it to hide the gaping fact that all of the people on screen are superfluous and vacuous. In short, a movie maker for the ADD era.
June 27, 2011, 9:55 a.m. CST
I'm going to see this just to "see" it. I expect incoherent action-
by Stereotypical Evil Archer
-some of it may be entertaining. I saw Revenge of the Fallen once. I almost walked out. It was an annoying movie. The first one has moments that I love; I'm not sure why, it must just be a guilty pleasure. The best I can hope for is that the 3D style of filmmaking actually reigned in Michael Bay's style enough to give the audience some entertaining moments. It's only going to cost me $7.50 and 2.5 hours.
June 27, 2011, 9:55 a.m. CST
About the story.
by 2007
The reason no one is talking about it and the trailers are repetitive is because it's hinges on a major spoiler. A few of them actually
June 27, 2011, 9:55 a.m. CST
nabster and teamneedle are idiots
by shawn_h
Harry HATED the first two installments. He even said it at the beginning of this review. Get the internet and get on google and look them up. Harry did not like the first two transformers movies. They are the only two movies Harry has ever hated his whole life probably. Doesn't change the fact that he burps and farts in peoples mouths and that he farts in plastic bags, keeps them in his room and when stressed, sniffs the air out of those bags.
June 27, 2011, 9:58 a.m. CST
Is the action comprehensible this time?
by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS
i.e, it doesn't just look like a bunch of cogs and wheels spinning two inches in front of your face? Also, what is the reason they give for Megan Fox's character suddenly gone?
June 27, 2011, 9:58 a.m. CST
by 2007
Your reviews need some work man. So you champion Russ Meyer but ridicule bay for doing almost the same thing. I'm so glad you finally admitted it. And if you want to see oscar actors act go watch them in oscar movies! What does it matter to a 12 year old if Malkovich is playing a caricature? If Daniel Day himself showed up in The Hangover, would you bitch that he wasn't turning in an Oscar performance? p.s. go see the rock to see what bay does with actors in adult movies.
June 27, 2011, 9:58 a.m. CST
i_snake_plissken - thank you!!! Yes I completely agree!!!
by sam jacksons wig
Look at the first 2 abortions- the total take was split approx 48% US domestic for both. America cannot hide behind the fact that it is responsible for 3 of these fucking clunkers hitting the screen. If the second took £850m wordwide, just think how many fucking Americans went to see this (more than once???) compared to the rest of the GLOBE!!! Stop giving Bay the air he needs to breath, America! Just say NO!!!!!
June 27, 2011, 10:02 a.m. CST
2007 - just.......
by sam jacksons wig
WHERE is the movie receiving good reviews? It's the same old same old same old. Most say it's better than number 2. That wouldn't be difficult as number 2 WAS SHIT.
June 27, 2011, 10:07 a.m. CST
D.vader explained it best, the CGI in these films are great, it's the design that's at fault.
by Stereotypical Evil Archer
As far as the robots are concerned.
June 27, 2011, 10:09 a.m. CST
Nope I won't get tricked... The second movie was horrible
by Andrew Coleman
Can't believe they stepped it up a notch from that horrible piece of shit.
June 27, 2011, 10:10 a.m. CST
@2007- Bay has talent, yes, as a music video or commercial director.
by hank henshaw
Michael Bay is not a storyteller, he should not be making feature-length movies. ... and as far as "the world loves it" thing, people love shitty things all the time.
June 27, 2011, 10:18 a.m. CST
@coolhandjuke: Agreed, no Grimlock, no watchy
by Jet Jaguar
June 27, 2011, 10:22 a.m. CST
Curious about AICN ownership
by kesoze4
Is it wholly owned by Harry or does his posse have any revenue sharing in place? Because if I was Quint, Merrick, and all the rest, I'd be keeping as far away from this guy as humanly possible, or as far as it takes to keep my career. Maybe try to make the jump to HitFix. Harry, I've never once seen you post a review that's believable. I believe you really, realy like movies, which is great, I do too. But your reviews are so terribly written and biased that they are not just unreadable, I actively avoid them because I know that you're going to watch a movie that would make me cringe and want to leave the theatre, and yet write some glowing review about it, a la Green Lantern, this, Godzilla, etc., etc. etc. I still have no idea whether you're doing this because you're actively paid to do so, whether you do it because you just want the studios to use your quotes, or whether you really, truly like these awful movies. Whatever the reason, please man, think about the damage you're doing in getting kids who aren't as able to think for themselves to go waste their valuable money going to see a movie they're really going to hate. You're stealing ten bucks from every 17-year-old you encourage to go see this shit, when there's so many wonderful, inspiring, incredible movies in the theaters every week that you could be pushing them to see instead. Please change. Please gain a conscience. Please?
June 27, 2011, 10:24 a.m. CST
asi hasnt seen
by emeraldboy
super 8. cause he hates jj abrams and wont see this transformers cause he hates Micheal bay. asi everyone knows the films you hate and the directors that make them, because you come on here say it ad nauseum.
June 27, 2011, 10:33 a.m. CST
Bought and paid for? Seriously?
by Capone
Sigh. Okay, let me explain to you guys how things work. But before I do that, I flattered you pay enough attention to even document these things are supposedly evidence of our severe corruption. A staffer gets a set visit--That would be me. I visited the set, and Paramount spared no expense getting me the two blocks or so from the screening room where the Chicago press have its press screening to the TRANSFORMERS set. They didn't set up any interviews while I was on set; I wasn't even allowed to talk to the actors, which is kind of unusual. So I spent my day talking to crew members, the 3D techs (I actually tried to learn something about the 3D cameras and process), and occasionally stood over Michael Bay's shoulder to watch him work. Guess what? Set visits happen all the time (not for me, but for many other on dozens of other sites and outlets), and it certainly doesn't guarantee a good review. I've been on four set visits in the past two years, and given two of those films bad reviews. A staffer visits the editing bay--Not me (or Harry for that matter). Again, a fairly common practice, especially when the filmmakers and/or studio is particularly proud of what they've got. Jon Favreau invites press to the editing room quite frequently, for example. An AICN screening means a good review--This is the one that makes me laugh the most. At least for the screenings I do here in Chicago, I attempt to exercise some quality control as to the films I give away tickets for. My simple rule is, if I like a movie, I'll attempt to get an AICN screening of it or at least get passes for an already-established local promo screening. With very few exceptions, if I haven't seen and liked a movie, I won't screening. And I turn down a lot of requests to do screenings. I think I can speak for Harry on this point, in that, we both agreed to do screenings of this film in our respective cities because we genuinely liked the film and think our readers will too. The only thing that might tinge my review on TRANSFORMERS 3 is the fact that a huge chunk of the film was shot in Chicago, I'll admit that. But that's primarily because I can't remember a time in film history where the city was so prominently and beautifully on display. You can't blame me for civic pride, you bastards. You have to understand, I never in a million years thought I would be the guy who is defending a Michael Bay or TRANSFORMERS movie. The toys, TV cartoon, animated movie, and Bay movies have never meant that much to me at any phase in my life. But the plain, hard truth is, TRANSFORMERS 3 is a solid movie, and I say that not having seen it in 3D yet (I will tonight). I can never stop you from hating the previous two films or Michael Bay or whatever, but I can tell you that Bay has literally changed his directing style in both obvious and subtle ways to maximize the 3D effect. There's a lot less shaky-cam and quick editing, for example. And now my brain is tired from thinking about this. Continue to shit on our reviews if you must; I'll somehow find a way to cope. But I wanted you guys to know at least how things tend to this biz we call entertainment reporting. Plus, we're not nearly organized enough or communicative with each other to accept bribes or plan a across-the-board, love/hate campaign for any one movie. I'm too busy for that shit. Have a nice day, bitches!
June 27, 2011, 10:35 a.m. CST
"The action in this film is truly amazing work. Bay's talent for designing these shots is nothing short of amazing to watch. The physical look of everything is amazing."
by MacReady452
So you're saying it's "amazing". Got it.
June 27, 2011, 10:35 a.m. CST
Reading your review Harry.
by OnO
I'm sadly reading this review wondering what the hell. Even though it's a positive review, it's what's in between the lines that has me holding to my guns on passing on this movie. I wanted to see the DinoBots in live action since they first appeared in the cartoon. Sadly I'll have to wait it seems. From the moment Bay said he hated them, I seriously felt the same for the man. How he easily just dismissed them and in their place we got the twins. So terrible they nearly lifted Jar Jar Binks out of the worst character ever developed for a major movie. ILM came through over and over to save this jerk. Yet his brand of narrative is terrible and selective filled with crassness, drenched in blatant stereotypical racism, and painted with prepubescent toilet humor. I'm glad to see him go. Your review seems political in every since of the word. You loved the action, the nostalgia of NASA heroes, but in there is the past garbage that ruined all of the Transformers movies is still present and clearly enforced by the director.
June 27, 2011, 10:37 a.m. CST
Why waste Leonary Nimoy and Buzz Aldrin on fucking Transformers?
by kidicarus
I mean, at least give Buzz a cool cameo in the next Star Trek or something. Not on a piece of shit action film based on a line of toys that was cool when you were a kid but you realize you still like mostly for the nostalgia factor. I mean, shit, it's not like they're adapting Hemingway or something, but you think they would be, the way people are pissing and moaning about being close to the "source material". Fuck Transformers. And no, I don't care about seeing a film about "just" the Transformers. There is a lot better material to adapt to the screen.
June 27, 2011, 10:38 a.m. CST
All I know is I've seen the trailer, and all I see is a CGI explosion
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
I don't see a plot, all I see are lots of explosions. Transfomers 2 was terrible. I wanted to love both 1 and 2. I grew up on the stuff. It didn't happen. The first was good, the second wasn't. It's that simple. With so many other movies that have come out, or will be coming out this summer I will be very hard pressed to see this in the theaters. I want to hope, but fool me once.............
June 27, 2011, 10:39 a.m. CST
by SUPERJIM
A positive review of this just before the early screening he is involved in. Maybe I'm just a cynic but who knows. I hope it's good. I'm taking my 7 year old son to see it in 3D next week and I hope I don't regret it. He was too young to see the first one (which I thought was decent) but I was fucking appalled with the dog sex/swearing/robot balls etc in the 2nd. Completely inappropriate in a movie that also has cheesy shitty jokes and scenes that appeal to kids.
June 27, 2011, 10:40 a.m. CST
...feels like the film that the franchise has been struggling to produce this entire time.
by blackwood
-- from Moriarty at HitFix. Honestly? I feel like that is the best compliment it could get.
June 27, 2011, 10:44 a.m. CST
Yeah, I'll need to see more reviews
by SlickyVonBoner
and the Tomatometer. But chances are I'll see it anyways, like the last 2, because I loved Transformers too much as a kid. Heres hoping this is Bay's last film and a proper reboot in 6 years.
June 27, 2011, 10:53 a.m. CST
Capone, i respect you the most but...
by hegele
You can't tell me that the backlash of AICN reviews is unwarranted. Harry likes everything and only seems to dislike movies that aren't capable or willing to jerk off the internet fanboy press (The Kids Are Alright comes to mind). Do you honestly expect anyone to care about what Harry thinks of Transformers 3 when he sings praises for the likes shit like Green Lantern and Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls? A man who admits to liking Transformers 2 more than the first? AICN talkbackers are some of the most idiotic and insensitive filmgoers you'll ever see but your average cinema fan's opinion of AICN is not far off from the average talkbacker fueled with hate.
June 27, 2011, 10:54 a.m. CST
The Oral History of Michael Bay: read this shit
by BlaGyver
http://www.gq.com/entertainment/movies-and-tv/201107/michael-bay-oral-history Just finished reading it. Very interesting.
June 27, 2011, 10:58 a.m. CST
Harry you are a sell out
by Faust_8
Really Harry, T3 gets a good review. I could have called that over a year ago. Do everyone a favor and just concentrate on getting your health back, if you can, and drop the web site that is continuously a day late and panders to the your personal aquaintances.
June 27, 2011, 10:59 a.m. CST
tickets bought!
by Richard
cineworld sheffield 21.00 tuesday night. CANNOT WAIT. Also this may just be the film that sways me towards buying a 3D tv.
June 27, 2011, 11 a.m. CST
and to the haters
by Richard
Go and watch tree of life instead. You moaning fucks.
June 27, 2011, 11:01 a.m. CST
Look, the fact of the matter is.....
by Ballbag
....they seem to have actually got a lot of things right with this movie. Yet for some reason some of you bedroom dwelling hermits WILL NOT accept it, event to the point of claiming they are taking bribes etc. Talk about blowing things out of proportion! There are not many reviews out yet but the weaker reviews so far are written by people who have very little movie knowledge in general let alone any knowledge of the Transformers franchise (I'm referring the reviews like the Mail Online, who's so called 'review' spent a lot of time slagging off the new leading lady and barely mentioning the movie at all). At the end of the day the first movie was decent, the second movie is not nearly half as bad as some make out (but I agree on the shoddy humour which actually did the most damage in my book), and the third looks to be the best -- seems like they hit their stride right at the end.
June 27, 2011, 11:02 a.m. CST
Capone, you forgot to say just one thing:
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 27, 2011, 11:02 a.m. CST
by Richard
well said!
June 27, 2011, 11:05 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
If you ask me, i consider the 3D in TRON LEGACY to be the best i have seen so far. It was even less intrusive and distracting then in Avatar, which is as i like it. And really, you are dragging your partner to see TRASHFUCKMERS 3? Is that your subtle way to say something to him, as in, you want to break up or something? If you really love him, you wouldn't want to submit him to such a torture, would you?
June 27, 2011, 11:07 a.m. CST
And how old are you Harry ?
by Faust_8
Do you really get a woody at PG13 material like a middle school kid in the school yard ? Dude, you married and pushing 40. Have you never had sex before, wait I think I know the answer to that one....everything explained. Go back to wanking at PG13 flicks.
June 27, 2011, 11:08 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
You know what is the only way to make TRASHFUCKMERS 3 watchable? To see it in a really bad grainy copy with bad sound. The terrible image and sound quality actually helps distract from the total sheer awfulness of the fucking movie.
June 27, 2011, 11:08 a.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
As someone who absolutely adores THE TREE OF LIFE, I can tell you that I'm really pumped to see this, too. On the biggest, ball-blasting screen, with the most melt-your-face, shatter-your-soul sound system around. CHOPPAH's got a hardon turned up to 11 for this.
June 27, 2011, 11:10 a.m. CST
by cymbalta4thedevil
It's good to see Harry's brother on here defending him. Will we also hear from his brother Gary? Sister Mary? Uncle Barry? Aunt Carey? Twin cousins Sherri and Terri? Austin Planet editor Perry?
June 27, 2011, 11:10 a.m. CST
Carey Mulligan is a holy wow actress
by flax
Are you a ten-year-old girl? Holy wow!
June 27, 2011, 11:12 a.m. CST
(That was meant to have quotation marks around it)
by flax
This site is not holy wow in the technical sense.
June 27, 2011, 11:13 a.m. CST
Thanks icarus2, I mean.....
by Ballbag
.....what kind of people troll a site SO much that they spend all their creative time in a talkback about a movie they claim to have less than no interest in, coming up with creative titles like TRASHFUCKMERS 3? Seriously. Maybe they are the same types of people that when they spot my choice of mobile, they talk loudly within earshot about everything their Android phone can do that the competitors cant. So much hate :/
June 27, 2011, 11:16 a.m. CST
I think Harry should be a food critic.
by Gozu
June 27, 2011, 11:17 a.m. CST
/film is saying that there are rumors a PROMETHEUS teaser will be attached to
by THE_CHOPPAH
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES RISES: RISING APES RISE. Fukk, I may have to go see it now ...
June 27, 2011, 11:17 a.m. CST
The reason we're spending so much time here is simple. To quote The Who
by Grammaton Cleric Binks
We won't get fooled again.
June 27, 2011, 11:18 a.m. CST
me too chops.
by Richard
and Ballbag, they can moan all they want its still a 90% chance they will see the movie. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to masturbate whilst thinking of choppahs 11 rated boner.
June 27, 2011, 11:19 a.m. CST
Oh by the fucking way hermits.........
by Ballbag
........you know why Bay puts so many explosions into his movies? Because he knows the haters are bedroom dwelling freaks who wear black all the time and sit in their darkened bedroom playing WoW. Its his form of payback because he knows the bright flashes hurt your slitty little light sensitive eyes and give you a migraine that lasts for days bwahahahaha! Thats why he called it Dark of the Moon, to lure you into a false sense of dank dark musty smelling bedroom security you fags.
June 27, 2011, 11:20 a.m. CST
What if we looked at it this way.
by blackwood
Everybody likes sex. The best sex is with someone you care about deeply and are in sync with on multiple levels, and the sex is a fulfillment and expansion of that connection. The second (secret) best sex is with the same person, only when you are really mad at them. Anyway, TRANSFORMERS is neither of those. It's a hook-up. It's a beej given with loving attention to mechanics, physics and endurance -- but it doesn't 'mean'. It doesn't signify. It's a just a good beej, and who doesn't like a good beej? Not no one, that's who (for the purpose of this ridiculous analogy girls get beej'd too). Like, there is enough room in the world for the proficient beej to co-exist with soulful lovemaking/hatefucking and neither devalues the other.
June 27, 2011, 11:23 a.m. CST
Amen blackwood, the only way you could have said it better...
by Ballbag
...would have been to add a link to a Michael Bay explosion at the end, y'know, for the migraine suffering fags.
June 27, 2011, 11:23 a.m. CST
by 2007
You fucking lose, big time. This will be the film that finally makes the world see just how stupid and inept your brand of thinking really is. Critics will gamble their reputation if they blindly hate this film. For any and every average movie fan will love it and that will be that. two words for ya WRITERS STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
June 27, 2011, 11:24 a.m. CST
Alright, enough of the b-crap from the peanut gallery. The BIG QUESTION I have is...
by Lord Elric
HOW WAS THE 3d? What I mean by that is...does anything go before the window? Do things pop out or fly in your face? Does Optimus Prime reach down through the screen, grab your body and pick you up, causing you to lose your popcorn and maybe last night's dinner? Know what I mean? When I go to see a 3d film, especially something like this, my first thought is "O'kay Spanky...thrill me." I'm old school about my 3d. I WANT THINGS COMING AT ME. Not every second mind, but enough to justify the effort made to seek out a good 3d theater. I understand the importance of depth, but any well shot film has depth. Some of them are very close to actual 3d. I want more then that. So...somebody tell me, because no one else is saying jack... Does TRANSFORMERS DARK OF THE MOON do that? Will a 3d, maybe Dbox as well, showing shatter my body and send me flying 5 or rows back? Will I come out saying 3d is alive, it's aliiive! ? Or will it be just like 99.5% of the other 3d digital movies, only brighter?
June 27, 2011, 11:24 a.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
Funny, I often think of my own boner when I'm taking care of business. Hmmm ... come to think of it ... be back in a few.
June 27, 2011, 11:25 a.m. CST
by seasider
June 27, 2011, 11:26 a.m. CST
lord elric
by blackwood
I think if a Michael Bay film in 3D had things "coming at you" it would be considered a hate crime.
June 27, 2011, 11:28 a.m. CST
lord elric, the early word is that the 3D is superb
by Ballbag
As in, one of the best uses of 3D so far. In fact this will be my second ever 3D movie, the first was avatar. Shows how much I care for 3D, but DOTM seems like its a must. Problem is how will I fit the glasses over my Bumblebee voice changer helmet.
June 27, 2011, 11:28 a.m. CST
'You can't blame me for civic pride, you bastards ... the plain, hard truth is, TRANSFORMERS 3 is a solid movie' LOL
by golden tribw
June 27, 2011, 11:29 a.m. CST
by golden tribw
June 27, 2011, 11:29 a.m. CST
by golden tribw
June 27, 2011, 11:29 a.m. CST
Really, if this movie is half as good as we've been hearing,
by THE_CHOPPAH
there's a good chance it'll do three things: 1. Clear a billion worldwide (very likely anyway). 2. Put to rest all of the Ebert-driven "Is 3D dead?" bullshit. 3. Kill off all the shitty 3D that's been fueling the cranks' whining.
June 27, 2011, 11:29 a.m. CST
by golden tribw
June 27, 2011, 11:31 a.m. CST
When someone types 'Capone, i respect you the most' statues of the Virgin Mary cry blood
by golden tribw
June 27, 2011, 11:32 a.m. CST
"I still find myself longing for a Transformers film where the Transformers are themselves the central characters." And he's the reason
by Wcwlkr
You've just nailed why I hate these freaking movies. Besides the fact that my eyes and brain literally feel raped, by all the mesh of non cohesive metal that Bay throws at you. But the fact that these damn movies are Humans feat Transformers. Look I understand you have to throw it a relatable character since people wouldn't identify with a Giant robot. But I mean damn I'd be cool just seeing Giant robots go at it while people run away. Damn I mean Real Steel looks better than this SHIT!!! I suffered through the first one, though I was pissed and hated it. Said you know what let me give the second one a chance. DEAR GOD WHY!? Their won't be a third, Bay doesn't get it and never will. I FREAKING HATE THIS SERIES.
June 27, 2011, 11:32 a.m. CST
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the HOLY FUCK HOT BODY, YES, BUT I DISAGREE ABOUT THAT FACE, NOSE AND LIPS ARE MESSED UP,
by Andy Pandy
WHAT WAS MAXIM MAGAZINE THINKING VOTING HER #1 HOTTEST WOMAN ON EARTH, IT'S ALL POLITICS? GIRLFRIEND...... Yes I would have sex with her if I had the chance, but that don't change the fact that I've seen 1000's of more beautiful and distinctive female faces.
June 27, 2011, 11:33 a.m. CST
A leopard cannot change its spots
by photoboy
Just like Bay cannot make a good movie. He's mentally and physically incapable of it. No matter how much he tries to copy Cameron's filming style by stealing his 3D cameras, Bay will not be able to make a good film. Part of that will be down to the script being written in crayon, and part of that will be because Bay has a form of ADD that requires him to film a large explosion every 10 minutes otherwise he has a mental breakdown and starts eating his own shit. This film will be utter fail. BRING ON THE REBOOT!!!!!!!!!
June 27, 2011, 11:33 a.m. CST
Didn't Harry bash Ehren Kruger on the last movie?
by seasider
He basically blamed him for screwing up Transformers 2 calling him the "roto-rooter of screenwriters." Now Harry is praising the 3rd film as the best of the lot. Yeah it's a good thing they got rid of that Kruger guy...Oh wait!
June 27, 2011, 11:35 a.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
Ain't It Cool talkback comments are better than the fifth season of The Wire. And that was damned good TV.
June 27, 2011, 11:40 a.m. CST
So the plot is: Robots destroy Chicago. Is that right?
by knowthyself
When was the last time Harry showed us some unknown gem that nobody was talking about?
June 27, 2011, 11:43 a.m. CST
The best thing in this series...
by knowthyself
Is how Bay builds up to the reveal of the Transformers in the first film. I'm surprised he showed so much "spielberg esque" restraint on that aspect. That sense of discovery and mystery was well handled. Unfortunately once things started blowing up and continued to blow up in the sequel he lost his way.
June 27, 2011, 11:43 a.m. CST
Harry, I still don't understand why I should see it
by MrJJonz
I've read the review and am honestly none the wiser. Is it because he made good actors shit or is it because it is 3D or because they have a robot that looks like Spock? In all honesty, none of those things will ever make me want to see a film. Nothing on plot or good acting, or whether you can actually make out what is happening on the screen this time. I would have walked out of the 1st one through boredom if it wasn't for the fact that I had my 10yr old nephew with me. So is there anything in there to keep me interested like plot or interesting characters? Would be nice to get answers on this because there were none in you review.
June 27, 2011, 11:48 a.m. CST
'It's better than two' that's like saying mud tastes better than shit. Total film are not as loving as Harry Knowles, they say it's better than two (not that hard to do) but not as good as one. They go on to say Rosie huntingdon Whitely's acting ability p
by Arkhaminmate001
June 27, 2011, 11:51 a.m. CST
knowthyself: excellent point about restraint
by zom-bot.com
- the restraint in pt 1 to reveal the transformers. the best part about it. then we saw them as the shredded soda cans they are, and the attention-deficit-action and it fell apart.
June 27, 2011, 11:51 a.m. CST
but harry: does shia scream "Nononononononononono" in 3D?
by zom-bot.com
June 27, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST
Use it or lose it
by JackSmack
"After I saw the film, my brain felt tired. Not from great thoughts, but from the experience of the film. It wore my brain out watching it. " Yeah, Harry, your brain is like your body. If you don't use it once in a while, it won't do much for you.
June 27, 2011, 11:59 a.m. CST
If it's in Chicago does that mean....
by v3d
Oprah gets a cameo?
June 27, 2011, 12:01 p.m. CST
Harry says, Third Time is the Charm for TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON
by Muki
Of course he does.
June 27, 2011, 12:02 p.m. CST
Capone...bitches and bastards?? Really....?
by sam jacksons wig
That's like the shop assistant who tells the customer to fuck off whilst trying to sell them a product. As a journalist, accept criticism and backlash or get the fuck out of Dodge. You've been here at trhis site long enough to know how it happens, and even you have to see a grain of truth in what appears in these forums. We have gone through "Oh this is great" "This is wonderful" "Go fucking see this " et c enough times and found a huge steaming pile of shit waiting for us on the other end, is it any wonder why we are so jaded? We suffered enough intollerable excrement in the way reviews are written up to last us a lifetime>> aren't you guys supposed to be professionals? have some basic grasp of the written word and how to communicate it effectively to a mass audience? What do we get here? Utter bilge like this: *****In the last outing, Bay was so brazen that he even gave a giant robot – a giant pair of clinking metal balls and then clanked them before our raped eyeballs.***** What is this? What the fuck does this accomplish?? How does this fit into any kind of review? And then, to top it all of, we are treated to several paragraphs of how Harry is, was and ever will be... how does that tie into any movie at all? I hate him, but you don't hear Roger Ebert say "And whilst I was treating my gammy leg and learning to walk again after testicular cancer, i watched 500 Days of Summer...." What has this to do with the movie?? In short- learn to write a coherent review, DON'T insult your bread and butter or fuck off and find somewhere else to write. And above all- GIVE US HONESTY!!! Is that too much to ask????
June 27, 2011, 12:05 p.m. CST
by ccchhhrrriiisssm
...there are robots in this film? Between the juvenile porn raping scenes, 3D porn fucking hot girlfriend, and terrible scenes from three Academy Award caliber actors (as if that actually meant anything anymore)...this film simply seems like it has a lot of action in the last half of the screen time.
June 27, 2011, 12:13 p.m. CST
Yes but is ultratronn
by UltraTron
June 27, 2011, 12:14 p.m. CST
going to be in this one?
by UltraTron
June 27, 2011, 12:15 p.m. CST
I'll agree with one thing about Harry...
by Tank Williams
He likes a lot of movies. Big deal. Doesn't mean anything really.. Especially doesnt mean that hes paid to write positive reviews. Ive read plenty of negaive reviews from Mr. Harry over the years. Give the guy a break. And some of you talkbackers should be ashamed of your selves. Dickless,(or vagina-less), souless, nothing-better-to-do assholes. I mean, attacking the guys weight, really? That's beyond fucking childish!! As for T3 goes, screenings are about the celebration of films, not to improve the BO of one such film, same with the set visits. Celebration of film. And way to fucking go Larry, sticking up for your bro like that! I have two brothers, and if anyone talked about my bros like that I would flip! Haters gonna hate. Nothing we can do about that, if this was my site I would straight up delete their accounts..
June 27, 2011, 12:17 p.m. CST
When you hear music like that, what can one say except.... "Salieri!"
by jawsfan
June 27, 2011, 12:18 p.m. CST
George Lucas said: "Michael's films are immediately identifiable."
by jawsfan
That means they are turds. I refer you to my quote from "Amadeus", above.
June 27, 2011, 12:18 p.m. CST
by cymbalta4thedevil
June 27, 2011, 12:20 p.m. CST
Thanks for pointing the wing suits out Spyguy
by Stalkeye
During the trailer for TF3, me and my friend said "oh, so now they're ripping off SHIELD". I'm sure Mikey Bay would disagree and prolly claim, that the glider wings were actually in development for the US Army or some shit. I'm sure this one will be another critical flop like the other two and hopefully, it's Bay's last gasp at this franchise. PS Capone, defensive much?
June 27, 2011, 12:21 p.m. CST
Yeah, right. I'm sure it's fucking brilliant.
by frank
Forgive me if I am slightly skeptical. I felt that I had to see the first one because I loved Transformers so much as a kid (that's how you got so many of us, you bastards), and was appalled by how terrible it was. Nearly Star Wars prequel-level awfulness. The second one I have heard is even worse, though I am not foolish enough to waste any of my time attempting to actually watch it. But I'm sure the third is great.
June 27, 2011, 12:25 p.m. CST
'Michael Bay has changed his directorial style'?
by indiemuppet
In other news; the Pope has converted to Paganism, pigs have mastered aviation, and over to the weather, where damnation is experiencing unprecedented sub-zero temperatures. Seriously; Bay has been recycling the same insufferable bollocks since 1995, and I've yet to be coerced through an entire film of his without feeling like an utter twat for doing so. If someone has 16 years to prove me wrong and consistently *doesn't*, then consider me in agreement with everyone else here. Give us a break, Capone ...and don't take us for idiots.
June 27, 2011, 12:31 p.m. CST
If you die and you go to hell, you will be forced to watch the Bay's Transformers movies for all eternity.
by AsimovLives
And if you are too stupid to not understand why that's a bad thing, don't worry, you will have an eternity to figure that out.
June 27, 2011, 12:34 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I'm disapointed. You are actually excited to watch this piece of shit Michael Bay directed atrocity just because you want to be overwhlemed by the sound? If you want to hear kick-ass sound form a movie that blows your balls away, watch MASTER AND COMMANDER, and pick any battle scene from that movie. THAT'S REAL GOOD SOUND. Not the Michael Bay pussy lame ass crap he makes. There's more to really good sound then just turn that shit up to 11.
June 27, 2011, 12:36 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
It takes less creative time to trash about and call a movie TRASHFUCKMERS 3 then it takes to bitch about it. So what's your excuse?
June 27, 2011, 12:38 p.m. CST
The Formula
by Partyslammer
Harry Raves About Movie = Bigger Turd on Film. The more studio ads and perks AICN gets, the more they love the Turd on Film. Proven time and time again.
June 27, 2011, 12:38 p.m. CST
jawsfan: well done!
by Carl XVI Gustaf
That Amadeus line has never been used better than here, not even in the brilliant movie! I wasn't gonna be a hater and only comment on stuff I'm excited about or like. But Bay had to put out another TF... That Spielberg backs him is beyond me, it's worse for my confidence in The Berg than Crystal Skull. Okay, so I am a hater after all, might as well embrace it.
June 27, 2011, 12:38 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I didn't knew you were an enemy of cinema and that you hated movies. Now i know.
June 27, 2011, 12:40 p.m. CST
Asimov, 'i consider the 3D in TRON LEGACY to be the best i have seen so far'
by Mattman
Ugh, I despise post conversion 3D. The live action elements looked like cardboard cutouts. Real 3D or nothing! So far, no 3D has compared to Avatar or How To Train Your Dragon.
June 27, 2011, 12:43 p.m. CST
Michael Bay's TRASHFUCKMERS 3: By morons for morons.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 12:43 p.m. CST
Capones response =
by MrJJonz
Capone: "Hi. Welcome to Burger King. How Can I help" Cust: "There is a fly in my burger" Capone: "That's not a fly. It's a bit extra we thought you would like. I think you'll find that there are flies in all our competitors burgers as well." Cust: "I don't like flies in my burgers." Capone: "Well, we only give you flies when it suits us and you should like it" Cust: "But aren't flies in burgers awful" Capone: "No. Not when we say they aren't. And if you still think that they are you should just fuck off" Cust: "Couldn't you make burgers without flies if no one likes them" Capone: "Look. No one here can be bothered listening to you and your concern over what goes into our burgers. They are our burgers and you should just be happy to get a taste of ou burgers. So if you don't like it. JUST FUCK OFF!"
June 27, 2011, 12:43 p.m. CST
In fact, the 3D in Legacy ruined the movie for me the first time I saw it
by Mattman
I thought I hated that movie because of it. When I saw it again on Blu-Ray, I was blown away by how beautiful it was.
June 27, 2011, 12:46 p.m. CST
Asi: I have seen, and loved, MASTER AND COMMANDER.
by THE_CHOPPAH
CHOPPAH is a man of many tastes and pleasures. Sometimes, I like my movies to make sweet, prolonged, passionate love to me, as my TREE OF LIFE review shows. Sometimes, I enjoy a guiltless, anonymous, quick and dirty blowjob from a ho of dubious physical qualities in a bathroom stall. Like blackwood said above, ain't nothing wrong with a perfectly proficient beej. Even if she slips and lets her teeth scrape you just a little. It's dirty. It's wrong. It's oh so satisfying.
June 27, 2011, 12:51 p.m. CST
Uh, directing and cinematography arent the same thing
by sunwukong86
executing the visual style is the job of the cinematographer, who probably had to adapt to using the 3D cameras. If Bay's directing style had changed it would be a totally different movie.
June 27, 2011, 12:51 p.m. CST
With me and Alex out of the way, we hope these movies can finally make some money.
by Boborci
June 27, 2011, 12:53 p.m. CST
Hey, boborci!
by THE_CHOPPAH
How the fuck are you? Is there going to be a COWBOYS AND ALIENS sequel?
June 27, 2011, 12:54 p.m. CST
Asimov isn't a fan of guilty pleasure movies
by Mattman
Which is fine, I respect that. But a lot of us have an inner idiot tucked somewhere deep inside that occasionally needs satiating, and T3 may just satisfy that dumb motherfucker with big effects and loud noises.
June 27, 2011, 12:54 p.m. CST
Steven Spielberg to give a shot
by gerhard_futkanister
WHY do people keep bringing up this bullshit. WHY would Spielberg direct a Transformers 4? WHO would want to see that bullshit. These are unwatchable toy commercials/indoctrination devices for the next generation of american cannon fodder. Just because a non person like "Tyrese" (who knows his last name?) was so high on coke that he spun his little theory of Spielberg wanting to take over directing from Bay does not mean that it is a good idea or should be done. SPielberg movies are 90% shit nowadays anyway, but come on. This is just ridiculous.
June 27, 2011, 12:55 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
"Sometimes, I enjoy a guiltless, anonymous, quick and dirty blowjob from a ho of dubious physical qualities in a bathroom stall." And as that will give you AIDS that causes you to die slowly in great agony and pain, so a Michael Piece Of Shit Bay's movie will cause you harm and hurt in the long run as well. Stick to the quality it will make you better. For each trulçy good movie gives you 10 times more pleasure then the added so-called satisfaction from 10 crappy bullshit Bay movies.
June 27, 2011, 12:57 p.m. CST
Yeah, mattman. I respect Asi's view on those kinds of movies, too.
by THE_CHOPPAH
It's cool. Besides, his AIDS metaphor doesn't work. CHOPPAH is immune to AIDS.
June 27, 2011, 12:58 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I though that TRON LEGACY was deliberatly shot in 3D. If that was a post convertion job, i'm very impressed! But let me tell you what impressed me the most about TL's 3D: it wasn't in your face, it wasn't show off-y, it was, in it's own way, subtle. And for once, the 3D actually made sense in that movie. And the best part? As you might have guessed already, i love 3D that one barely notices it's there. By the way, have you seen TREE OF LIFE already? I'm curious to know your reaction.
June 27, 2011, 12:59 p.m. CST
The choppah - that is up to you, the audience!
by Boborci
June 27, 2011, 1 p.m. CST
boborci, har har!
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 1:02 p.m. CST
Michael Bay's Transformers: movies for coprophiliacs
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 1:03 p.m. CST
Too much, I feel assaulted by this forum already!!
by david starling
June 27, 2011, 1:03 p.m. CST
Does it affect my statutory rights?
by david starling
June 27, 2011, 1:03 p.m. CST
trulçy good
by zom-bot.com
what the hell is that between the l and y, choppah?
June 27, 2011, 1:03 p.m. CST
Asi, haven't seen Tree of Life yet
by Mattman
I will report back soon as I do. I'm very curious about it. As for 3D, I don't like it when they stick swords in your face and all that blatant nonsense, but I enjoyed the environmental 3D in Avatar and the flying scenes in How To Train Your Dragon, which gave a real sense of depth. Legacy was an amateurish 3D job at best. The faces looked flat... in real 3D, the faces have dimension.
June 27, 2011, 1:04 p.m. CST
Ah, so you're saying, boborci, that there COULD be a sequel to COWBOYS AND ALIENS?
by THE_CHOPPAH
Is the story left just a little open-ended?
June 27, 2011, 1:06 p.m. CST
Is everyone aware that Transformers comes out tomorrow, Tuesday June 28th at 9pm?
by moonlightdrive
Just curious. I'm sure, since this is a movie site that most or maybe even all talkbackers are.
June 27, 2011, 1:07 p.m. CST
My theater just got IMAX 3D too.
by pikazerox
But they're showing CARS 2, at least through Wednesday. I hope they drop that crap for this much better crap, I need giant-ass robots fighting in giant-ass 3D, fuck.
June 27, 2011, 1:07 p.m. CST
RE:With me and Alex out of the way, we hope these movies can finally make some money.
by Stalkeye
Too little, too late Bobby. (and yes, I can detect a bit of sarcasm in your post especially since the films were financially sucessful due to the clueless moviegoers who flocked to see these abominations. What's that ol' saying: "fools rush in"?) The 3rd one still has Bay's name attachd so I'm sure it will suck just like the previous two. BTW, I highly doubt C&A's numbers will be up there with TF3's or even Green Lantern's. No matter who wins, we all lose.
June 27, 2011, 1:08 p.m. CST
Thechoppah - there is still some life left in the universe at the end, so something else could happen
by Boborci
June 27, 2011, 1:08 p.m. CST
mattman, Asi: I saw TREE OF LIFE.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Check out my review in the GREEN LANTERN sequel TB.
June 27, 2011, 1:08 p.m. CST
Boborci... not just you, but also Megan Fox!
by Mattman
Replaced by skeletor... ERR... a runway model.
June 27, 2011, 1:09 p.m. CST
Thanks, boborci.
by THE_CHOPPAH
You are a shrewd cat.
June 27, 2011, 1:10 p.m. CST
Do we finally have human onscreen deaths this time around??!
by aphextwin
T1 + 2 suffered partially from kids cartoon violence in which no soldier, bystander or key persons ever get hit. Despite mega tons of explosions and destruction it lacked a sense of real danger. 'The A-Team, type of violence', sort off.
June 27, 2011, 1:10 p.m. CST
Harry, you always say EVERYTHING IS GREAT... WTF?
by Mennen
How do we believe you anymore?
June 27, 2011, 1:10 p.m. CST
LMMFAO Asi's AIDS metaphor may not work, but it's a funny comparison to a Mikey Bay film.
by Stalkeye
June 27, 2011, 1:12 p.m. CST
Boborci, let's hear some one sentence reviews of the following films:
by Mattman
Super 8 X-Men First Class Green Lantern Thor Hangover II After all, you're a talkbacker now (whether you like it or not).
June 27, 2011, 1:12 p.m. CST
by CreepyThinMan
You know, I occasionally have a twinge of guilt over verbally ass fucking Knowles on a regular basis but when I see him slobber over something like Bayformers 3 then it justifies every single evil and rotten thing I and the rest of the AICN community says about the gluttonous mongoloid. He is such a transparently greedy and stupid child, so, for your reading pleasure, here's my psychological profile off Harry Knowles. He's like that kid you knew in grade school who was a spoiled little puke that LOVED wrestling and didn't seem to have all his dogs barking. You could talk with him but there was something missing in his personality. A lack of depth. Harry Knowles is nothing but raw id which is described as such; "The id (concept originated by Sigmund Freud) comprises the unorganized part of the personality structure that contains the basic drives. The id acts according to the "pleasure principle", seeking to avoid pain or unpleasure aroused by increases in instinctual tension". The "Pleasure Principle" is "a psychoanalytic concept, originated by Sigmund Freud. The pleasure principle states that people seek pleasure and avoid pain, i.e., people seek to satisfy biological and psychological needs." This basically states that Harry has always been a psychologically damaged person in evidence of the fact that he has always been a morbidly obese fat bastard. This is probably as a result of his upbringing by parents who allowed their child to live in a fantasy dream world where he was able to indulge in movies and food in place of real goals that require actual effort such as academics and physical fitness. This is because he never developed a Reality Principle which is "is a psychoanalytic concept (also originated by Sigmund Freud) that compels one to defer instant gratification when necessary because of the obstacles of reality. It is the governing principle of the ego and stands in opposition to the pleasure principle of the id." Furthermore, "The id rules early life, but as one matures, one begins to learn the need sometimes to endure pain and to defer gratification because of the exigencies and obstacles of reality. In Freud's words, 'an ego thus educated has become reasonable; it no longer lets itself be governed by the pleasure principle, but obeys the reality principle, which also at bottom seeks to obtain pleasure, but pleasure which is assured through taking account of reality, even though it is pleasure postponed and diminished'". This analysis perfectly describes why Knowles hasn't reviewed Inception while giving Stallone a blowjob over The Expendables, besides Harry's obvious corruptibility which helps feed his id as it provides him with the instant gratification of pweasants, freebies and free screenings. Inception is a movie that forces you to work. It makes you think where as The Expendables is cinematic junk food and thus the reason why Harry gobbles it up like the greedy man-child he is while shunning the mental treadmill of Inception." I would have thought that his recent near death experience would have , maybe, matured Knowles but it's obvious that he has learned nothing, will learn nothing and is doomed to live out the rest of his (probably short) life indulging himself as he always has. Harry lacks the self-awareness to realize that, although he may have fed his immediate appetites, he has denied himself a truly satisfying life of pleasures that are all the more sweeter because they are hard earned. Some people might feel sorry for you because you're a fat-shit-ginger-fuck. But I don't and it's because you are a craven, self serving, morbidly obese piece of fucking shit simpleton and you have been your whole life. You're also a disgusting glutton who will suck anyone's cock as long as it comes with something you want. This is why you're a 500 pound fucking toxic waste dump of a human being with Twinkie filling where your soul should be. Is it to much to fucking ask that YOU DON'T LIE TO US because you're being paid off with pwesants, freebies and screenings by your buddies? I guess it's pointless to ask if you understand what the word "integrity" means when you're physical appearance says everything anyone ever needs to know about you. You're a steaming pile of shit disguised as a nauseating tub of lard.
June 27, 2011, 1:14 p.m. CST
It's Crazy how Harry can be so Amped about this
by D o o d
and yet he's pointed out all the issues that made Transformers 2 the shittest movie ever made.
June 27, 2011, 1:22 p.m. CST
Alright already! Geeze...
by Sithtastic
It's not like we have to be all indignant and stoop to some of the lowest forms of ad hominem toward Harry here. Honestly, are we even surprised by the review? Harry's taste has, in the decade I have visited this site, ever advanced beyond that of an overgrown adolescent. That to me has never been a crime. His lazy prose however, is another story. But this is all a side show. Transformers 3: The Dark Side of the Moon to me is not going to be any "better" than the first two films of the franchise, neither of which holds up particularly well. Bay's crime is essentially overly directed schlock lacking a narrative, with the attention span of a gnat. In other words, he makes summer movies for adolescents they won't even remember they liked. We should dismiss this film, not because Harry liked it (or heck, even if he loathed it) but because it is quite simply inferior product. No need to rage. No need to chop (okay I'm kidding, there's always a reason to chop). Just go see X-Men: First Class again or better yet, wait for Captain America, if you're REALLY that eager to see something worth seeing this summer.
June 27, 2011, 1:22 p.m. CST
Hater wanna hate, lovers wanna love...
by karmattack
I don't even want... None of the above... The wifey and I really liked TF1 and dug TF2, so this is great news (moreso Capone and Moriaety's approval since Harry and I have much different quality gauges). To paraphrase a great man, My name's Paul, fuck y'all.
damn my banana fingers and the iPhone!!
June 27, 2011, 1:24 p.m. CST
catchtheman's psych profile on Harry just above is one of the meanest, funniest things I've read in ages
by golden tribw
June 27, 2011, 1:25 p.m. CST
'The wifey and I really liked TF1 and dug TF2' = PLEASE DON'T FUCKING BREED
by golden tribw
June 27, 2011, 1:30 p.m. CST
The ''HOLY FUCK HOT GIRLFRIEND''?
by buggerbugger
No. Just... no. That wouldn't be true even if aliens invaded, rounded up every single other woman on the planet and then set fire to them all. It still wouldn't be true even if the aliens then set about incinerating all the Asian ladyboys on the planet. The new 'Transfumblers' girl is an absolute fucking munter. Unless you're into that whole punch-swollen-lips, boxer's-flattened-nose, bag-of-antlers-in-heels look? She looks like Rondo Hatton in drag. Fuck knows what that face looks like when it's the size of a fucking wall and in 3D, but I bet it causes a lot of babies to wail in abject terror when they see it. Maybe someone's desperate enough to fuck her on a regular basis, but I bet they do it with a bag over her head or with the lights off. And from behind, while imagining he's fucking a much rounder, more womanly, arse than Mongface-Bumblefuck''s skinny little backside.
June 27, 2011, 1:31 p.m. CST
I can understand the "shill" comments
by snappy
... as this review is so at odds with the other critics'. Perhaps Harry just has very low standards? It's not like there's no evidence of him liking shit movies, I'm sure anyone who has been reading this site for a long time can name at least one pile of excrement that Harry has praised to the skies.
June 27, 2011, 1:32 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
That's a "Ç". It's called a "cedilla" and it's a letter that exists in certain languages like portuguese, french, and turkish. While it looks like a "C", it reads like an "S". In a portuguese language keyboard, the Ç is next to the letter L, at the same place that exists the "~" in the english language keyboards, i believe.
June 27, 2011, 1:33 p.m. CST
Can you see what's happening in the Transformer fight scenes though?
by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS
I remember in the first two movies, where I was trying to work out which Transformer was which and eventually gave up. Not that I'm likely to see this movie within the next six months but it would be good to know if my future viewing will consist of me saying "What the fuck is going on?" every ten minutes.
June 27, 2011, 1:34 p.m. CST
Maybe someone's desperate enough to fuck her on a regular basis
by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS
Scratchmonkey - Jason Statham is going to knock your lights out for calling him desperate, buddy!
June 27, 2011, 1:36 p.m. CST
stalkeye, Bay's movies are the AIDS of cinema.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 1:38 p.m. CST
**At this point, Bay can leave the series on a triumphant note I feel*** You've GOT to be fucking kidding???..
by sam jacksons wig
Even if this were watchable enough not to want to make you cut your eyes out of your head with an Optimus Prime Burger King toy, does that actually make fucking up the first 2 now foregivable in any way shape or form so that bay can justify why he has ruined this franchise beyond repair? I killed and raped three people today, but it's okay because the third one actually neglected and beat her kids...so that makes it all okay, doesn't it... Doesn't it???? No it fucking DOES NOT!!! What it does do is give Blow Job Bay another fat pocket full of cash for foisting his usual brand of CACK on us...(and LONGER than the last ones!!) before walking away to goof up some other franchise and blow some more shit up and leaving Transformers lying bleeding in the gutter like one of his used up and disguarded alter boy whores... It also, in a few years when the next reboot takes place, leaves movie goers full of scepticism and studio execs looking for the newest airhead to Direct, as the BOOM BOOM BANG BANG method made them cunt loads of cash the last three times. Instead of looking forward to a new dawn of Transformers, all we look forward to is dread... and that is a crying shame.
June 27, 2011, 1:38 p.m. CST
More 1 and half star reviews
by Trannyformers_Apologist
So tedious. While the irony that a movie which roots for humans against robots should actually be part of a sub-genre of movies which steamroller humanity with endless computer-generated machinery has probably not escaped Michael Bay, it's doubtful he cares very much. 1 and 1/2 stars www.film4.com/reviews One gets the feeling that if Bay could stop including people in his films altogether we'd all have a much better time with this franchise. We certainly wouldn't have to hide through Patrick Dempsey telling Huntington-Whiteley how "smart" she is or watch dear Alan Tudyk reduced to 'hilarious German man' shenanigans. Ultimately Transformers: Dark of the Moon is 93 distinctly average minutes combined with 60 pretty good minutes. Better than expected but for the money spent and talent involved, it's still a fairly dodgy outing. www.filmink.com.au/review I can't wait for Bay and Shia to apologize for this movie (a year later) after everyone has gone to see it, like they did with the last shitfest. What will they blame it on this time without the writers strike or it being a movie based on toys?
June 27, 2011, 1:41 p.m. CST
scratchmonkey you magnificent bastard! I spit out my coffee when I read Rondo Hatton in drag! Well done sir. (or madame)
by v3d
June 27, 2011, 1:43 p.m. CST
Michael Bays Transformers 3 meeting....
by sam jacksons wig
...Hey guys, I know what will work...!" "What's that Michael, you're going to leave the franchise NOW so it has a chance to be mildly entertaining to the movie going public who spend their hardearned $17 filling your basement full of underage gay children?" "Erm, no.... what i thought is that we could make the movie even Longer!!!! That way it is bound to have one or two moments of brilliance in it because it's LONGER, do you see???" "Michael, that just doesn't..." "Oh for fucks sake, someone blow this cunt up will they???"
June 27, 2011, 1:44 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I read your review of THE TREE OF LIFE, and i'm so proud of you. Damn good review. I'm happy that you loved it so much. It's obvious you loved it more then i did, but that'as hardly the matter. TREE OF LIFE might be forgotten by the end of the year, but it will be remembered years to come. And as you said, someday a new great director will show up and he will claim that what made him wanted to make movies was when he first saw TREE OF LIFE. It is the kind of movie that inspires future generations of filmmakers. I don't need to love it as much as you did to know and understand that. With your love of TREE OF LIFE you just showed that you really are an hardcore movie geek, despiste all your lovable smart-ass attitude you present in here. Now if only you could wipe your ass on the Michael Bay-type movies and be done with that shit. You really lose nothing by doing that. One TREE OF LIFE will give you more satisfaction in all manners then 100 Bay movies.
June 27, 2011, 1:48 p.m. CST
Bay's design for the Transformers robots made the impossible possible: Not being able to know if you were seeing the robot's head or arse.
by AsimovLives
And as if the design wasn't terrible enough, then Bay subject us with his typical over-edited and shaky-cam bullshit. Oh, but Bay has cut down the shaky-cam and over-editing bulslhit so he can accomodate the SFx better? So, he changes style because of of the SFx, instead, of, say, things like PRESENTATION, STORY, ACTING, NARRATIVE LOGIC and little stuff like that. Fuck Michael Bay, man! Who are the morons who mistake this assclown for a good filmmaker, anyway?
June 27, 2011, 1:49 p.m. CST
Asi, thanks for taking the time to read the review.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Your words are generous and kind.
June 27, 2011, 1:51 p.m. CST
To all the people who say that the Transformers films have shitty source material...
by Trevor
Look at it this way: There have been sub-par movies based on Jesus Christ, one of the most well-known religious figures of our time. However, there have also been brilliant movies about a comic book vigilante who dresses like a giant flying rodent and fights a maniacal clown because he misses his parents.
June 27, 2011, 1:51 p.m. CST
" Bay can leave the series on a triumphant note I feel " Only if it involves shotguns and extreme bodly harm.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 1:52 p.m. CST
How does it feel for a true lover of cinema to watch a Mikey Bay movie? Remmeber the scenes in THE PASSION OF CHRIST when he was flaggelated? Same thing.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 1:52 p.m. CST
I hate the decepticon "designs"
by Mattman
I honestly can't tell one from the other. Starscream, who was always my favorite, is indistinguishable from Megatron.
June 27, 2011, 1:52 p.m. CST
scratchmonkey- sooo fucking funny!!!! Well done!!
by sam jacksons wig
June 27, 2011, 1:54 p.m. CST
the_choppah, it was my pleasure to have had the oportunity to read it.
by AsimovLives
Fantastic read. Keep up the good work, friend.
June 27, 2011, 1:56 p.m. CST
warpspeed: There are no bad subjects, only bad writers (directors), etc.
by THE_CHOPPAH
And there is no worse source material than the New Testament. Talk about hackery of the highest degree. Lazy reliance on deux ex machina, huge gaps in logic, grating and one-note characters, inconsistent characterization, one cloying contrivance after another, &c. &c. You'd think it was written by George Lucas.
June 27, 2011, 1:57 p.m. CST
Oh, and I meant to say I agree with you about the subjects/writers sentiment, warpspeed.
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 27, 2011, 1:57 p.m. CST
mattman- funny that, because.....
by sam jacksons wig
..transformers is indistinguishable from a huge pile of steaming shite.
June 27, 2011, 1:57 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Fantastic argument you made. Indded it's a piss poor excuse to jsutify a bad Transformers movie because of the sourse material. Nothing. Hell, as an atheist i could piss on any movie based on the Jesuis myth because i don't believe in the faith biuld on him. And yet i love THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST and Passolini's THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MATHEW. The people who came up with those lame wexcuses to justify Bay's attrocious handling of the transformers movies should try better then this bad false arguments.
June 27, 2011, 1:58 p.m. CST
There is a right way and a wrong way to make dumb action movies.
by frank
Right way = Die Hard. Coherent and engaging plot, compelling characters, effective (tasteful and sparingly used) humor, exhilarating action. Wrong way = Transformers. Annoying and greasy-looking characters, embarrassingly juvenile bathroom humor, chaotic action sequences, plot that only a complete idiot could possibly care about.
June 27, 2011, 2:03 p.m. CST
Gotta admit, the utter disbelief being displayed by the hatorz is rather hilarious.
by Mr. Nice Gaius
Bitches and bastards. Yeah, that IS right. Way to go, Capone. But you shouldn't feel obligated to dignify those joyless cunts.
June 27, 2011, 2:04 p.m. CST
The first was ok, but the second was one of the worst movies I'v ever seen
by Conaw
and I've seen plenty of bad movies, but that was just painful. Harry, I just can't trust your reviews. You like every damn movie you see. I'm skipping this most likely piece of shit and going to see The Tree of Life instead.
June 27, 2011, 2:04 p.m. CST
Check out this shit from the above review (term used in the broadest possible sense..)
by sam jacksons wig
****Then there's SPOCK-BOT! I love SPOCK-BOT! I love that SPOCK-BOT friggin looks like Nimoy – and I love that the film heads in directions that look pretty damn bad for the Autobots. I love that this isn't just a story where Sam might die, but everyone is in danger. I love the Government soldiers in the last hour. I love the flying squirrel suits. I love the 3D. Love it. **** 8 uses of the word "Love." And I believe that is the most insincere kind of love since Hilary said I do to Bill Clinton... And, as for the movie looking pretty damn bad for the Autobots...it's not as if Optimus prime, their leader and mentor dies in any of them is it???... Oh...wait....
June 27, 2011, 2:06 p.m. CST
seeing this Friday...dont remember the last movie i did that with
by vicmackey1268
There hasn't been a movie this year thus far that's made me wanna go into a super crowded theater, prolly filled with obnoxious high schoolers on summer break, perhaps a few texters, at least 1 annoying kid, and so much munching and talking i wanna blow my brains out.....but im pretty sure this, with the glasses, with all the awesomeness, will be that movie.
June 27, 2011, 2:07 p.m. CST
'Bay's talent for designing these shots"
by Rupee88
Do you think he really designs them? He's got an army of creative people working for him who are 10x smarter and more talented than he is. Anyway Transformers 2 sucked and you'd be a fool to pay for more of the same.
June 27, 2011, 2:10 p.m. CST
everyone in this thread will see this at least once.
by UMAGA
That's absolute bullshit. Saw the first one on the big screen, hated it, avoided the second and will do the same with this. People said the same shit about Star Wars, but I didn't see Revenge of the Sith until it was free on TV.
June 27, 2011, 2:12 p.m. CST
Choppah - Nice write-up on TREE OF LIFE, by the way.
by Mr. Nice Gaius
I'd like to see that soon. Maybe make it a double-feature with TRANSFORMERS: DOTM... heh.
June 27, 2011, 2:12 p.m. CST
to be..franks...
by vicmackey1268
Die Hard was a re-write of a sequel for Commando...prolly another "didnt age well" dumb action movie.....Die Hard is with 1 adult saving someone through knowhow and badassery Transformers 1 was a way to blend a funny, action packed story and a 30min cartoon with robots that talk funny, shoot but never really hit each other, and fight about pointless things day after day. So in a way, if one were to remember the tv show and it's idiotic-to-adults premise, but then think back to how fun it was to be a kid again, I think Transformers 1 was a total success...sure the acting was a bit odd but i dont remember ever paying ten bucks to see that, I paid to hear the transforming noise, Optimus Prime, and see what money and tech could do to the horribly sketched late 80's show I grew up with. Finally...I agree completely with you about Transformers 2 tho...hate it.
June 27, 2011, 2:12 p.m. CST
mr. nice gaius, whjat, you actually think that out of the blue Bay will became a competent director and make a good movie?
by AsimovLives
How in the bloody hell can Bay became a good director overnight? The fairies and the elves will do it because you want to believe in it very hard? Clap your hands and pufff, Bay became an instant good director? And you call those who know that his next movie will be shit as haterz or whatever you called? There's a flip-side to that coin, friend: Those who hope that Bay's next movie will be good are mindless unquestioning naive lemmings who believe any marketing bullshit unquestionably. How you like those apples?
June 27, 2011, 2:13 p.m. CST
mr. nice gaius
by THE_CHOPPAH
Good thinking. You'll be stimulated in 27 dimensions.
June 27, 2011, 2:13 p.m. CST
by CreepyThinMan
When sucking the penis of a Director/Producer/Executive, it's important to cradle the balls with one hand while massaging and/or fingering the anus. Lesson Two – All stories are about characters after something. It doesn't matter what that thing is as it could just be a cube (Transformers) or even an un-described object with a stupid nickname (The Rabbits Foot) and you don't even have to bother explaining what it is (Red Matter). The important thing is that people want it which is just enough to create conflict and get us from one action scene to the next because fuck knows creating character motivation beyond pure want is too fucking hard. Lesson Three – Remember, no matter how shitty your work is, if it makes money then that validates your existence. And that money will buy you the things (women, friends and possessions) that you need to fill the hole in your heart that tells you that you will NEVER…EVER write anything beyond disposable trash that will be forgotten in several years time. P.S. Director/Producer/Executive's like it when you swallow!
June 27, 2011, 2:15 p.m. CST
AICN gives good reviews to EVERY SINGLE MOVIE they do a screening for
by Mel
so this isn't a surprise.
June 27, 2011, 2:16 p.m. CST
Suddently Michael Bay becames a good director and makesa good movie. And fairies and the easter bunny exists as well.
by AsimovLives
If we are to believe in non-existing nonsense, we migth as well go all the way. You guys who believe that Bay might make a good movie might as well proclaim for the world to see that you still believe in the tooth fairy and that Santa cames around every christmas.
June 27, 2011, 2:16 p.m. CST
I wont see this...even IF it got good reviews, which it wont
by Mel
there's no reason to see this. i watched the first one and it was awful. i watched about 5 minutes of the second one and it seemed even worse. i dont give a fuck about these awful movies.
June 27, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST
Tree Of Life is beautiful
by Monolith_Jones
It is an experience, not unlike 2001.
June 27, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST
They're content with sticking their dicks in Bumblebee's tailpipe.
by UMAGA
They need to bring in people who want to tell a good story. But I doubt they will, even when Bay's gone. Who gets the director's chair next? Stephen Sommers? Paul W.S. Anderson? Robert Rodriguez for Spyformers?
June 27, 2011, 2:21 p.m. CST
vicmackey1268, WRONG, DIE HARD WAS BASED ON THE 1979 NOVEL "NOTHING LASTS FOREVER" BY RODERICK THORP!!!FACT!!!
by CreepyThinMan
June 27, 2011, 2:21 p.m. CST
monolith_jones, absolutly
by AsimovLives
TREE OF LIFE is one of the most beautiful movie i ever seen in my life. And this is quite something to be said by somebody who worships at the altar of Ridley Scott and Kubrick's BARRY LYNDON.
June 27, 2011, 2:22 p.m. CST
by cymbalta4thedevil
Unlike some talkbackers here, I don't believe that AICN reviews are "bought and paid for". But I also don't believe that you and Harry only arrange AICN screenings for movies you've "seen" and "liked". Are you telling me if Spielberg offers you an AICN TINTIN screening, you're going to refuse unless you get to watch it first? If Marvel offers Harry a AICN screening for THE AVENGERS, he's going to make sure he likes it before calling the Alamo? Had Harry seen Abrams TREK movie before Paramount substituted it for ST:TWOK? I call Bullshit.
June 27, 2011, 2:24 p.m. CST
by BSB
Okay I'm game.
June 27, 2011, 2:26 p.m. CST
by CreepyThinMan
http://www.thesuperficial.com/the-first-time-rosie-huntington-whiteley-met-michael-bay-06-2011 This woman was definitely born with a cock and confirms my suspicions that Jason Statham is a closet homo. Yeah, he could still beat my ass raw but now I'm sure he'd do it with his cock.
June 27, 2011, 2:27 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Tehre's some truth to what vicmackey1268 said. Yes, DIE HARD is based on the book NOTHING LAST FOREVER, which the movie itself claims in the opening credits. The book is a sequel to the previous book THE DETECTIVE, which had been previously made into a movie starring Frank Sinatra. Since the 70s that a movie to be made from NOTHING LAST FOREVER had been going on. Sinatra lost interest because he just became too old for the part, and the project went into turn around. One of the last angles for the project was to turn it into a sequel to COMMANDO, starring Arnold Schwarzennegger again. That didn't worked out, and at the last minute they hired Bruce Willis. Willis was indeed a fast casting decision, and at the time quite a contorvetial one because back then he was that comedy guy from MOONLIGHTNING and a bunch of other comedies which had flopped, and he hadn't done any action badass roles before. The only non-comedy job he had done until then was as a prick bad guy in MIAMI VICE. So, DIE HARD is both an adaptation of NOTHING LAST FOREVER and an aborted asequel to COMMANDO, as absurd as that might sound. Welcome to Holywood.
June 27, 2011, 2:29 p.m. CST
by BSB
But all she needs is some lip-o-suction and you'd be 'transforming' for her fo sho.
June 27, 2011, 2:30 p.m. CST
You know what is sad in this life and world?
by KilliK
at the end of the day regardless if you hate or not the movie,Bay will still succeed in becoming richer and that poor girl in that terrible TF3 stunt accident will still remain disabled for the rest of her life. But i guess life goes on..
June 27, 2011, 2:30 p.m. CST
Bay with his Seizure Inducing Mess....
by BlackBriar
Hair, The first two films were so freakin awful!! This one isn't getting no love from me... After hearing Laboof screaming and Rose looking for help, now i hear she is the absolute worse in this mess. Bay can go to Hell!
June 27, 2011, 2:30 p.m. CST
by cymbalta4thedevil
I also enjoyed your TREE OF LIFE review.
June 27, 2011, 2:30 p.m. CST
by CreepyThinMan
June 27, 2011, 2:32 p.m. CST
by D Jones
Anyone who runs a site and receives anything from the studio is no longer objective no matter what they say ,you cannot tell anyone any free stuff you get from the studios does not color your opinion . This does not make you a bad person just human ,but I do wonder if they had all been invited to GL screenings ,the set ,cast interviews etc. how different the reviews would have been.
June 27, 2011, 2:34 p.m. CST
The New Miss
by D Jones
Yes the new girl is completely unattractive. You could smash her face in dough and make gorilla cookies.
June 27, 2011, 2:34 p.m. CST
Regardless of Die Hard's origins,
by frank
it is still an awesome action flick and many orders of magnitude better than any of Bay's Transformers movies.
June 27, 2011, 2:34 p.m. CST
Guys, guys, guys. All this fan mail is flattering and embarrassing me.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Keep it coming.
June 27, 2011, 2:35 p.m. CST
by BSB
That Tree of Life review was aces. Even if I end up hating the movie I'll still frame and admire your write-up.
June 27, 2011, 2:36 p.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
That won't mean a thing unless you also buff your cucumber to it.
June 27, 2011, 2:37 p.m. CST
You people are fucking ridiculous...
by Robert79797979
1) I love how you guys justify bitching at Harry by referencing his previous critiques, and throwing them in his face. If you're that jaded by Harry, STOP READING HIS REVIEWS. 2)You knew perfectly well this was going to be a positive review when you read its title. You know how all of his reviews are going to go before you open them... that's the point of having a preview. If he likes everything, and you continue to click on his reviews, you're just punishing yourself. PS Harry, please, please learn the difference between "its" and "it's".
June 27, 2011, 2:38 p.m. CST
catchtheman - I dont understand why none of those tricks have worked for you given your familiarity with the secrets!
by Boborci
June 27, 2011, 2:39 p.m. CST
The only thing I love is that this trilogy of shit is over...
by alienindisguise
and maybe in a few years someone can do it right and not make it a movie for fucking retards.
June 27, 2011, 2:39 p.m. CST
And you people calling this new girl is ugly, are closet homosexuals
by Robert79797979
And this is coming from a bi guy. Either you're a closet, jealous you can't have her, or the kind of gay guy that is terrified of vagina because you heard a rumor that it smells like fish.
June 27, 2011, 2:41 p.m. CST
after your glowing endorsement of Green Lantern...
by yeah i'm a jerk!
I take your reviews as ridiculous. I like how all the other reviewers have more credibility on this site, than the guy who runs it. I have a feeling the 3-D is amazing in this movie and nothing else.
June 27, 2011, 2:43 p.m. CST
by KilliK
http://io9.com/5815916/christopher-nolans-craziest-batman-stunt-yet If that's true,then TDK's car chase will pale in comprarison to this stunt with Nolan outdoing himself.
June 27, 2011, 2:43 p.m. CST
it will make a ton of money and there will be a 4th
by sunwukong86
because average movie goers like terrible movies and this will never change
June 27, 2011, 2:47 p.m. CST
So, Bay lied to us all.
by catlettuce4
He said no goofy humor this time, and the robots would be treated as actual characters. According to what you say, Harry, this is not true. Not that I'm surprised... I just want to state it clearly.
June 27, 2011, 2:51 p.m. CST
Yeah Haters I post positive reviews too..
by ganymede3010
The best Transformers ever!
June 27, 2011, 2:51 p.m. CST
I love when people claim the first one was good.
by Dennis_Moore
Always get a good scoff out of that. Now, do you really watch it all the time?
June 27, 2011, 2:52 p.m. CST
by Mattman
PS Harry, please, please learn the difference between "its" and "it's".
June 27, 2011, 2:52 p.m. CST
Fuck this quote shit
by Mattman
I had a witty retort, but now I'm too pissed off.
June 27, 2011, 2:53 p.m. CST
67% on Rotten Tomatoes, I predicted 70%
by ganymede3010
With that being said once all of the reviews roll in it will end at the same or just below the original in the tomatometer.
June 27, 2011, 2:53 p.m. CST
Anyhow, can TF fans get a reboot, if this is done?
by Dennis_Moore
June 27, 2011, 2:55 p.m. CST
THE ROCK is officially in the G.I. Joe sequel.
by UMAGA
He just announced it on Twitter. I'm sure it's still going to be a steaming pile of shit like Transformers.
June 27, 2011, 2:55 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
The Willis paycheck was also a big issue as well, as you very well said. For soembody who at the tiem was just a TV star and untested in big sumemr blockbusters and to get so much money for his first big action movie, people though that Joel Silver had gone compeltly mad. In fact, Willis fat paycheck was what precipitated the rush for huge paychecks for all starts at the time. Arnold started demanding 20 million paychecks just to get out of bed, and Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford demanded the same too. But even before DIE HARD there had been another precedent: When Cannon Group payed Silverster Stallone 20 millions for OVER THE TOP. Even at the time when Stallone was the biggest star in the world that was considered madness. Literally over the top.
June 27, 2011, 2:56 p.m. CST
boborci, you answered your own question.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 2:57 p.m. CST
by teamneedle
HAHA- yeah, i don't even read reviews by this sloth anymore, i just assume they are all positive
June 27, 2011, 2:57 p.m. CST
alienindisguise, if Trashfuckmers 3 is a commercial suces,s you think they will stop at the 3rd movie? Think again. Pirates of the Caribbeans, anybody?
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 2:57 p.m. CST
robert79797979 you completely undermined your own point
by golden tribw
You told people to stop criticizing Harry because he is what he is and it's not going to change, least of all because some nobodies cunt at him from the anonymity of the talkbacks. Fine. But then you go and tell him to IMPROVE HIS SPELLING AND GRAMMAR?!?!? That's ten times more idiotic and myopic than what you yourself are bitching about in the first half of your post!
June 27, 2011, 2:59 p.m. CST
Choppah where can I find your Tree Of Life review
by Monolith_Jones
I'd like to flatter and embarass you
June 27, 2011, 3 p.m. CST
killik, TDK's car chase better fucking pale in comparison because it was a 2 out of 10!
by golden tribw
Good christ. The first half hour of TERMINATOR 3 kicks the shit out of TDK in the action department, and T3 is what the whole truck flip was ripping off. I haven't clicked your link but yes at a bare fucking minimum I expect the next batman movie to blow the first two out of the water in terms of action (Nolan's never actually done any worth a damn unless you want to count the anti-grav gimmickry in INCEPTION) and scale/ridiculousness.
June 27, 2011, 3:01 p.m. CST
@catlettuce4 exactly that
by KilliK
June 27, 2011, 3:01 p.m. CST
OK now that I've read the article ... batman lands a plane (that's on fire) on a highway ... not particularly thrilling
by golden tribw
Especially given what went down in THE MATRIX RELOADED. People like to give Bay credit for the BAD BOYS 2 car chase, but it was just a pitiful echo of RELOADED.
June 27, 2011, 3:01 p.m. CST
@asimov heh thats why Cannon bankrupted
by KilliK
June 27, 2011, 3:01 p.m. CST
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is not an ugly woman by any stretch of the imagination. If you think Megan Fox is prettier, that's another matter.
by AsimovLives
Complain if she's too thin, that you have seen sexier or prettier girls, that's understandable. But calling her ugly? Please!
June 27, 2011, 3:01 p.m. CST
RE: out of the blue Bay
by Mr. Nice Gaius
Asi, believe it or not, I think it's entirely possible. I say that knowing Bay's body of work consists of nothing but summer popcorn junk. But the man is an auteur and he does have some skills. You should refer to the comments made by Conspiracy and myself over in Capone's TF Talkback for further clarification.
June 27, 2011, 3:02 p.m. CST
mr. nice gaius...... what are we "Haterz(???) sick of???
by sam jacksons wig
We're sick of being sold lemons by talentless idiots who's claim to fame is how much they can blow up on screen and call it Cinema. We're sick of the endless lies and lies and lies being told by so-called movie critics/reviewers who don't seem to have the ability to string 3 words together in a coherent sentence. As for Joyless Cunts.... dig a little deeper and you will no doubt find that most of the hate stems from the fact that trash like Bays collective works are sucking the heart and soul from movies in general and are making it harder for truly original cinematic pieces to get greenlit, as all execs want is dross like this to make a quick buck and fuck all over story and artistic merits. That tends to take the joy out of most things. If you want to enjoy this crap then fine. Don't expect most of the people here to, though.
June 27, 2011, 3:02 p.m. CST
by catlettuce4: "So, Bay lied to us all." Like, as he ahs done with the two previous movies before? Late to the party, are we?
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 3:05 p.m. CST
" because average movie goers like terrible movies " I find it harder to generalise like that today because there has been really good movies which made been incredibly sucessful commercially.
by AsimovLives
I just have to think of the two latest movies made by Christopher Nolan as example. So, it's not just the very dumb movies like Bay's Trashfuckmers movies that are sucessful. But they are sucessful.
June 27, 2011, 3:05 p.m. CST
RE: Bitches and bastards (why, so serious?)
by Stalkeye
I think it's funny how pissed and defensive Capone has been due to a few posts accusing Harry and AICN of selling out. In other words, it's tolerable to start flame wars, spew hateful comments,etc but when it comes to questioning the site's credibility, out of nowhere comes this long tirade dressed in a black box. "Good for yoouuuuuuuuuu"! (As Christain Bale once said.) I'm sure no one is really convinced otherwise and by calling the so-called hatorz Bitches and bastards, it does nothing to strenthen your counter arguemnt. as a matter of fact, it brings you down to our "level". That response reminds me of the Diablo Cody backlash in which Vern claims to have a few friends who are stripping their way through college: "..and they are much smarter than you fucks". ah, good times. (0:' That being said, if harry liked the film, then it shouldn't be suprising since he also loved scott pilgrim and gi joe. Ergo, calling him out for being some plant should not have been taken seriously by you guys of all ppl. There was one guy in particular that is a huge fan of Bay's Trashformers series, and would have backed Harry however, you guys banned his ass. (for the 3rd time. at that.)
June 27, 2011, 3:06 p.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
You can find it in the GREEN LANTERN sequel talkback. Flatter away!
June 27, 2011, 3:09 p.m. CST
Why Spielberg's version will be better than Bay's
by ganymede3010
Without a doubt Spielberg's version will allow the Robots themselves to be the focus of the film and not the humans. Unlike Bay he has an affinity for Science Fiction and has proven in the past with the underrated A.I that he's not afraid to translate to the audience the internal motivations, conflicts, fears and passions of a complex cybernetic organism. He's also proven with Saving Private Ryan that he can shoot kick ass action scenes with the best of them. Plus, we won't have to endure anymore juvenille humor, and best of all Spielberg wouldn't be afraid to take this franchise back to Cybertron. I really hope the rumors are true that Spielberg is taking over from here. There's to much money to be made, there's no way IMO they will stop this money train from continuing to cash in 800+ million ever 3 years.
June 27, 2011, 3:10 p.m. CST
mr. nice gaius
by AsimovLives
I fail to see the skills that you claim that Bay has. Bay has not done anything that better directors havwn't done much, much better and on smaller budgets. And there's nothing, absolutly nothing in Bay's career that can give an indication that he has an shade of talent for filmmaking in anything that doesn't involve other's people efforts to make things explode. As for the claim of Bay being an autheur, it takes mroe then shit blowing up and some stupid overbearing camera movements to make a director became an autheur. Unless you are counting on his extreme awfullness as a director as a personal signature. Which is quaint.
June 27, 2011, 3:11 p.m. CST
For the long-term talkbalkers...when was the point when Harry lost ALL credibility
by tritium
in reviewing films? I mean, I have been visiting AICN almost since it first began, and have followed (with growing despair) the growing incompatibility between alleged impartial, non-biased reviews, as compared with questionable reviews that seem to be increasingly influenced by commercial interests, favors, perks, advertising, etc.
June 27, 2011, 3:12 p.m. CST
stalkeye, Harry liking Trashfuckmers 3 shouldn't come as a suprise. He cried when he first saw ARMAGEDDON. If anything, Harry is consistent.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 3:14 p.m. CST
Choppah - Can't make out your response as it appears this TB has exceeded the capacity of my phone.
by Mr. Nice Gaius
AICN and its bloody no nothing take forever upgrades!
June 27, 2011, 3:15 p.m. CST
I would be extremely surprised if Spielberg decided to direct TF4.
by frank
Surely he has more worthwhile projects he could work on.
June 27, 2011, 3:15 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I came pretty late to this place, but when Harry and everybody inhere gave raving reviews for the exacrable piec eof shit that is ABRAMS TREK, i lost faith on this guys. And then i read Harry's ARMAGEDDON review. That blew my mind! Wow! An adult crying when watching Armageddon. Well, i cried too, but for very different reasons.
June 27, 2011, 3:15 p.m. CST
Choppah - Can't make out your response as it appears this TB has exceeded the capacity of my phone.
by Mr. Nice Gaius
June 27, 2011, 3:16 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I came pretty late to this place, but when Harry and everybody in here gave raving reviews for that exacrable piece of shit movie that is ABRAMS TREK, i completly lost faith on this guys. And then i read Harry's ARMAGEDDON review. That really blew my mind! Wow! An adult crying when watching Armageddon. Well, i cried too, but for very different reasons.
June 27, 2011, 3:17 p.m. CST
sorry for the double post
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 3:17 p.m. CST
mr. nice gaius: Good thinking. You'll be stimulated in 27 dimensions.
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 27, 2011, 3:19 p.m. CST
27 dimentions? Scientists only work with 14 dimentions or such.
by AsimovLives
That's some serious spaced out shit right there.
June 27, 2011, 3:19 p.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
Yeah, like a fourth JURASSIC PARK and a fifth INDIANA JONES.
June 27, 2011, 3:20 p.m. CST
What a fucking surprise. Harry likes something else that no doubt sucks.
by SierraTangoFoxtrotUniform
What kind of pwesent was received in exchange for this review? What bother with reviews anymore, fatty? Just make a statement saying you liked it, and that this review was brought to you by the makers of the movie.
June 27, 2011, 3:21 p.m. CST
mr. nice gaius: choppah liked the movie.
by frank
He also had lemonade. There ya go.
June 27, 2011, 3:23 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I think the only way to make TREE OF LIFE bettter, or at least more trippy, would be to have all the space stuff at the sound of Pink Floyd's music from the Sid Barrett era. TREE OF LIFE, for me, is like a 1970s experimental movie but made in the 2010s. I can seriously imagine a Sid Barrett's Pink Floyd music going with it. When i was watching TREE OF LIFE, i was thinking "what would this had looked like if he had made this in the 70s?". Because i really believe that Malick must have been planning making this movie since then.
June 27, 2011, 3:23 p.m. CST
Asi, Buckaroo Banzai can't even keep up with CHOPPAH.
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 27, 2011, 3:24 p.m. CST
by Mr. Nice Gaius
Never really gave Harry credibility, per se. I've just tried to enjoy the forum he has provided and those who have tried to make the best of it.
June 27, 2011, 3:25 p.m. CST
Well, Jurassic Park and Indiana Jones are both much better series than Transformers.
by frank
As bad as it was, Indy 4 was still in a different league than Transformers 1 and 2. I don't understand Spielberg's affection for Shia LeBeouf, though.
June 27, 2011, 3:26 p.m. CST
Asi, the choral stuff Malick used in those sequences was pitch perfect.
by THE_CHOPPAH
I wasn't in it just for the psychedelic freakout, although I would like to return to it on mushrooms or some grade-A blotter acid. That shit was transcendent without drugs. I had tears in my eyes.
June 27, 2011, 3:27 p.m. CST
Trasnformers's motto is "More then meet the eye". That's the_choppah right there!
by AsimovLives
The_choppah, my man. I'm so proud of him afteri learne dhe loved TREE OF LIFE and his fantastic review. I'm going to praise the hell of the_choppah in here, he will feel so embaraced like in those dreams from childhood/teenhood when one was naked in the middle of the classroom.
June 27, 2011, 3:28 p.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
Goes without saying. But I wish the Beard would stop fucking around with these sequels already. Hopefully LINCOLN is a go, and maybe, just maybe, we'll get to see INTERSTELLAR before he kicks it.
June 27, 2011, 3:29 p.m. CST
Buckaroo Banzai, wow! Only saw that movie once, in the late 80s on VHS.
by AsimovLives
And even then i though the movie was trippy like hell. And teens forgive a lot of weird shit. The casting of that movie is like a riches of who's who of cool character actors. The movie should get some kind of award just for casting Clancy Brown as a good guy.
June 27, 2011, 3:32 p.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
CHOPPAH never had to dream that I was naked in the middle of the classroom. I often achieved it in reality. But I guess that's what happens when you sprout a full mustache and a 10-inch cock (soft) by the time you're 12. What rosy-cheeked teacher fresh out of college could resist that?
June 27, 2011, 3:32 p.m. CST
nice try michael bay
by Dr_PepperSpray
..but your review isn't fooling anyone.
June 27, 2011, 3:38 p.m. CST
boborci, I ONLY KNOW OF THOSE SECRETS BECAUSE YOUR FLUFFER KURTZMAN TOLD ME THAT THE TWO OF YOU PRACTICED ON EACH OTHER TO PERFECT YOUR TECHNIQUE!!! IT SEEMS TO HAVE WORKED!!!
by CreepyThinMan
June 27, 2011, 3:38 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
What about absint? That's some trippy drink too. And the beauty in living in my country? not only it's legal here, we also produce it! YEAH!! You are right, of course. The choral music was fantastic. Malick is great in his use of music in his movies. I don't know if that music is pre-existing music or specially composed for the movie. Malick has been quite avan-guard in his use of music in his movies. In DAYS OF HEAVEN he had Ennio Morricone to compose his movie. and we all knopw how brillant Morricone is at creating opening themes. So what did Malick do? He opened the movie at the sound of "Le carnaval des animaux" by Saint-Saëns. Nobody had done that before, sepcially with a composer of such calliber as Morricone in their movie. Morricone himself was not too pleased, and it befuddled everybody. And yet it worked brillantly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0MWKOLiAdI&feature=related
June 27, 2011, 3:39 p.m. CST
CRYSTAL SKULLFUCK was painful to watch! The best description of that movie is from that episode from SOUTH PARK.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 3:41 p.m. CST
the_choppah, that's a thought i could live without.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 3:41 p.m. CST
Ah, I see. 27 dimensions means a whole lotta shakin' will be going on.
by Mr. Nice Gaius
And thanks, Franks.
June 27, 2011, 3:43 p.m. CST
the_choppah, where those teachers female or male?
by AsimovLives
I just had a moment of fridge horror.
June 27, 2011, 3:46 p.m. CST
mr. nice gaius
by AsimovLives
TREE OF LIFE will either blow your mind or you will fucking hate it. I don't think there is much middle ground about that movie. And i cna unddeerstand why people would love or hate the movie. I don't agree with those who hate it, but i understand why they do. And it's absolutly impossible to predict who will love or hate the movie. There's no certainties about one's reaction to that movie, the way i see it.
June 27, 2011, 3:47 p.m. CST
Crystal Skull gets worse each time I watch it
by Mattman
I was one of the "It's flawed but good!" dorks in the beginning.
June 27, 2011, 3:47 p.m. CST
by THE_CHOPPAH
All ladies. I can't remember what any one of them looked like, specifically, but in my memory they share a face and a body not unlike Jennifer Lawrence's.
June 27, 2011, 3:48 p.m. CST
Are you haters still going?
by 2007
give it up already
June 27, 2011, 3:48 p.m. CST
CHOPPAH didn't start in with the other side until my orgy phase in the early 80s.
by THE_CHOPPAH
That's what a lot of coke will do to you. A LOT OF COKE. A lot. Of. Coke.
June 27, 2011, 3:50 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Jennifer Lawrence, alright!!! You, sir, have esquisite taste in women.
June 27, 2011, 3:52 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I can boast, if i can call it that, that i was one those who saw CRYSTAL SKULLFUCK for the terrible shit that it is right form the start. I wish that i had no reason to fucking hate the movie, but man, the movie is what it is. Made twice worst by the fact that's a bad Indiana Jones movie. A bad Indiana Jones movie!! You have no idea how fucking upsetting that is to me. And i thought LAME CRUSADE was bad! Jesus Mary and Joseph!
June 27, 2011, 3:54 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
You know your reaction of awe about TREE OF LIFE? That was exactly my reaction when i first watched VALHALLA RISING. So, if you ever wondered why i love that movie so much, now you know exactly i feel about it.
June 27, 2011, 3:56 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
You call us haters and i call you gullible lemings. How you like that?
June 27, 2011, 3:58 p.m. CST
asimovlives -- TREE OF LIFE music (link below)
by golden tribw
Most of the memorable music from the film, along with ALL of the music used in promotional material (particularly the trailers) was in fact pre-existing classical music. Alexandre Desplat composed a 'full' score for the movie, but Malick used a ton of original music, kind of like if Kubrick had snuck in a few Alex North tracks here and there on 2001. Wikipedia lists Desplat's tracks here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tree_Of_Life_%28Soundtrack%29 There's also a full listing of the pre-existing tracks here: http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/archives/music_list_all_37_songs_features_in_terrence_malicks_the_tree_of_life/ The most important ones (IMO) are the two used in the trailer plus the choral 'birth of the world' music: 1. Trailer beginning: Bedrich Smetana - Vltava (Moldau) 2. Trailer end: Patrick Cassidy - Funeral March 3. Insane choral music: Zbigniew Preisner - Lacrimosa ENJOY!!
June 27, 2011, 3:58 p.m. CST
Michael Bay is the anti-christ of movies
by AsimovLives
As if it wasn't bad enough that he makes the shitty terrible movies he does, he also has followers who make their movies in his image. Fucking hell! Literally.
June 27, 2011, 4 p.m. CST
goldentribe, thanks a lot, man. That was ace.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 4 p.m. CST
goldentribe: Thanks for that listing!
by THE_CHOPPAH
I looked up the soundtrack on iTunes yesterday, but to my chagrin it was all Desplat. Not that I didn't love his work for the movie, but I wanted the classical/choral/avant gard stuff Malick used.
June 27, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
By coke you mean Coca-Cola? I had a few sugar rushes too.
June 27, 2011, 4:03 p.m. CST
the term haters makes me laugh
by sunwukong86
People who use the term haters only use it because they cant come up with any real argument to defend the thing they like. Its also kinda foolish, someone's a hater because they dont like the same thing you do...thats kinda like being a nazi...
June 27, 2011, 4:09 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
You remember the last space sequence in TREE OF LIFE? The movie doesn't explain it (as the movie doesn 't exaplain anything), but that sequence portaited the last moments of the sun as a giant red who gets so big that it's surface might just reach the Venus or even the Earth's orbit, in effect it would compeltly incinerate the surface (which the movie shows whenit presents that vulcanic burned surface landscape). And then we see the burned out Earth barely iluminated by this weak small light. That small light is what will remains of the sun after it goes through it's red giant phase. After the sun ejects all it's outter layer, what will remain behind will be a white dwarf, this small object with about the size of Earth itself. This will be like a zombie version of our Sun. The irony is that in that state the sun will last a hundred times more then as it did as how we know it today, meaning, it will last as a white dwarf for a hundred billion years or more. It was fun for me to see the depcition of that in a movie, which, due to my interst in astronomy, i knew what i was watching. While being amused by the fact the movie didn't even provided the least amount of explanation. It was as if i was into a secret that was not being shared about.
June 27, 2011, 4:16 p.m. CST
Asi, thanks for that (literally) illuminating post.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Shit, you should fucking write up a goddamn article on that and send it to Copernicus.
June 27, 2011, 4:16 p.m. CST
Asi, thanks for that (literally) illuminating post.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Shit, you should fucking write up a goddamn article on that and send it to Copernicus.
June 27, 2011, 4:22 p.m. CST
I can't remember a time in film history where the city was so prominently and beautifully on display.
by Knobules
THE DARK KNIGHT. Next!
June 27, 2011, 4:23 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
The difference is that Copernicus can actually make the calculations and i can't. I don't even consider myself an amateur in regard to astronomy. I just dig the stuff, but i'm oblivious to the mathematics of it. Because i suck at maths. It's my life's greatest regreats that i i was never good at maths, or else i would had followed my dream and became an astronomer. That would had been my dream job. That or a filmmaker. Maths robbed me the first and opportunity the second, given the fact i was born in this fucking cemetary of cinema called Portugal.
June 27, 2011, 4:25 p.m. CST
by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis
How about a spoiler there, pal. Now, I know what happens to the SUN...thanks for ruining the surprise for me...
June 27, 2011, 4:25 p.m. CST
the_choppah, you know, you are right, Copernicus should write a The Science Of Tree Of Life post.
by AsimovLives
Tree Of Life as actual real astronomy in it, unlike some other movies he talked about (coughtabramstrekcought)
June 27, 2011, 4:28 p.m. CST
charlie_sheens_coke_numbed_penis, sorry. I'll be more attentative next time.
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 4:28 p.m. CST
Catchtheman - are you hitting on me? You sound like a naughty congressman on twitter.
by Boborci
June 27, 2011, 4:29 p.m. CST
knobules, too right.
by AsimovLives
Hell, the reason why Bayass filmed Trasfuckmers 3 in Chicago is because Nolan made THE DARK KNIGHT there. It's so obvious that Bay has an enourmous envy and sore elbow about Nolan.
June 27, 2011, 4:35 p.m. CST
boborci's wit, ladies and gentlemen
by AsimovLives
Isn't he something? I even dread to imagine the type of conversations this holywood studio executive people have.
June 27, 2011, 4:41 p.m. CST
asimovlives/choppah - yeah i figured you would like THE TREE OF LIFE
by hey_kobe_tell_me_how_your_ass_tastes
predictable i am sure one or two others will appear before too long. you self congratulating self fellating circle jerks.
June 27, 2011, 4:43 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I have been reading a few things about Malick's own life, and i have come to an idea about what TREE OF LIFE migth be, or rather, a possible interpretation of the movie. It's as valid for what it's worth. Malick once had an older brother who comited suicide at age 19. The way i see it, the movie is Malick's own interpretation of what would happened if the brother who had comited suicide was not his older brother but himself. So, Sean Penn plays his older brother as if he had lived on. So, the movie is very autobiographical, but in a "what if" kind of way, if you know what i mean. It's my interpretation. Of course, it could all just be a bunch of bollocks. Besides, and as i have said many times, ouside info is not relevant, or should not be relevant to appreciate a movie. A movie should be self-contained. HOWEVER, there's hints in the movie, indirect hints (since the movie explains nothing) that does seem to point to this possible intepretation. But as with anything about this movie, it's highly debatable.
June 27, 2011, 4:44 p.m. CST
by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis
June 27, 2011, 4:45 p.m. CST
by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis
I have no idea what you are yelling about, just PLEASE, I only ask one thing - don't spoiler anything!!!
June 27, 2011, 4:45 p.m. CST
Bunch of pseudo-intellectual retards here..
by ShogunMaster
'Oo oo oo!! I'm smart cus I hate a movie that I haven't even seen yet!' No. You're a retard. You think Harry's review has no merrit but think yours does, even though it's based on speculation and gravitas. Well, I HAVE seen this movie and Harry's review is apt. It is a fun summer movie. It's not meant to win best picture, it's supposed to raise your adrenaline and add some fun to your day. That's what good movies do. I hope some of you do watch this and do enjoy it, cus the stick up your collective asses sure makes it sound like you could use some fun in your lives again.
June 27, 2011, 4:46 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Don't be daft. I have a friend who has pratically the same tastes as me about movies and he fucking hated TREE OF LIFE. It could had been me. But it wasn't. So chill, dude. You proved nothing with your post above.
June 27, 2011, 4:46 p.m. CST
ASi that's interesting and didn't Malick have another brother?
by Monolith_Jones
one burned in a fire?
June 27, 2011, 4:47 p.m. CST
Hey, kobe!
by THE_CHOPPAH
The line has been crossed again, eh? You and your vectors, tangents and intersections! OH you.
June 27, 2011, 4:48 p.m. CST
Interesting, asi.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Interesting. I've read that TREE is indeed semi-autobiographical, so your reading may indeed hold some water.
June 27, 2011, 4:49 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
You calling us retards for not liking a retard movie? How the fuck does that even compute, man? You ever heard of fallacies? You realise you shot your own foot, don't you?
June 27, 2011, 4:52 p.m. CST
wow, asichoppahlives. I am devasted by your witty retort. truly i am. just devastated.
by hey_kobe_tell_me_how_your_ass_tastes
to think that you can take time out of your busy have-no-life-needy-attention-whore 24/7 posting schedule to think of my well being, well, gosh, this just puts a new spin on things. choppah, i am quite sure your psychosis prevents you from realizing just how pathetic you and your puppets really are, but believe me, everyone else knows.
June 27, 2011, 4:52 p.m. CST
BobOrci is cool, but that doesn't change the fact the first two Transformers films
by Nabster
Are known to cause anal cancer. We're all fan boys, we're all receptive to these films. But man were they terrible. Absolutely terrible. And yea Michael Bay is a shitty film maker, but The Rock somehow was a great action flick, and the Island was watchable. BUt other than that, Bay makes vile and hateful films.
June 27, 2011, 4:53 p.m. CST
Asimov, Indy
by Mattman
I always liked Crusade. To me it's a more mature Indy movie that brought something new to the table with the fantastic interplay between Ford and Connery. I loathed Temple of Doom right off the bat, although it has grown on me immensely. It suffers from crude humor, sloppy plotting, and an infuriating heroine, but it's also a lot of fun and has a cool villain and a great little sidekick. AND it has, hands down, the most exciting ending of any of the movies. So, given that, I can't hate it anymore. In fact, I think I like it more with every viewing, flaws and all... and I can't wait for the inevitable blu-ray release. The great thing about the original Indy movies is they each have something to offer, and they are each their own film. Indy 4 is a muddled mess of too many characters, an undercooked plot, CG animals, and some very lazy action scenes that seem to all end ridiculously. The first three Indy movies each have creative, distinctive action scenes that build to a natural and satisfying crescendo. The truck chase in Raiders is like a symphony, climaxing when Indy finally throws his enemy into the peril he himself just escaped from, and runs him over. It's beautiful. In Temple, when Indy slices that bridge, he singlehandedly creates a wonderful new action scene, complete with falling obstacles (bad guys), arrows, and crocodiles. The geography is established perfectly. The tank sequence in Crusade wonderfull utilizes EVERY danger inherent in that scene, such as the conveyer belt of the tire treads, or Indy getting stuck on the side gun as the badguys try to smash him against a wall. It literally takes every ounce of Indy's energy to get out of that situation. What does he do in Indy 4? He climbs in a fridge. He sits in a jeep while other people fight. He fires a bazooka. He screams as they fall off three waterfalls. He almost dies in quicksand but is saved by his son.
June 27, 2011, 4:53 p.m. CST
As for fun dfrom dumb ass movies like those that Bay makes...
by AsimovLives
... me i fail to see the fun in a movie in which it is in fact a filmmaker calling us morons for more then two hours straight while getting our money in the process. If you enjoy and have fun by being insulted for more then two hours straight, that's your problem. And it is a problem. a pretty seriosu one. Others don't feel all that amused from suffering such a barrage of insults for such a lenght of time. And i think this laters are more in the right by far.
June 27, 2011, 4:53 p.m. CST
BobOrci, what are you working on now?
by Nabster
Are you working on any original scripts? Come on, excite us, even if you're just pulling our legs.
June 27, 2011, 4:56 p.m. CST
hey_kobe_tell_me_how_your_ass_tastes, what a fantastic retort... NOT!
by AsimovLives
June 27, 2011, 5:02 p.m. CST
kobe is one paranoid dude (at least I think he's a dude).
by THE_CHOPPAH
Pay no mind to that fucker, or he'll accuse you of being subtitles_off, Harry or Leon Panetta.
June 27, 2011, 5:04 p.m. CST
by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis
Jun 27, 2011 4:53:30 PM CDT As for fun dfrom dumb ass movies like those that Bay makes... by asimovlives ... me i fail to see the fun in a movie in which it is in fact a filmmaker calling us morons for more then two hours straight while getting our money in the process. If you enjoy and have fun by being insulted for more then two hours straight, that's your problem. And it is a problem. a pretty seriosu one. Others don't feel all that amused from suffering such a barrage of insults for such a lenght of time. And i think this laters are more in the right by far. I have absolutely NO idea what you are trying to say here. While it IS true that I took some 'shrooms and smoked some peyote 45 minutes ago, I do not seem to have the same problem with the other posters... Please don't spoil anything. And, Bay sucks.
June 27, 2011, 5:06 p.m. CST
So it's just Transformers 2 with slightly more coherent action, then?
by Turd_Has_Risen_From_The_Gravy
Cause that's the impression the fat oaf's review leaves me with. And well done, Catch/CreepyThinMan. That was a devastatingly astute psychological profile of the overgrown infant who runs this site. Oh, and another thing (sure to follow on deaf ears) - kindly fix this damn site once and for all, and stop it causing computers to crash when it's loading pages. This is the worst run site on the entire net. The tech admins must be a bunch of monkeys. Every time the site gets 'upgraded' it actually becomes more ineffcient and harder to use! I swear I wander itno the fucking Twilight Zone every time I visit here. ...of course, ad revenues are more important than user friendliness at AICN. You treat your readership like dogshit, Harry, and that is why I am happy to return the favor...with interest.
June 27, 2011, 5:07 p.m. CST
Ha, good post asimovlives.
by frank
Calling us morons is exactly what Bay is doing, and how can we argue that he is wrong? I certainly felt stupid after paying to see the first TF. Not sure what to say about the people who have continued to go back for more abuse.
June 27, 2011, 5:13 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I never liked LAME CRUSADE, as i call it. I always loved TEMPLE OF DOOM (in fact it was the very first iIndy mvoie i saw... long story). About Lame Crusade, what i dislike about it is that it is in fact a reharsh of the first movie. Same villains, same side-kicks, with the added extra of James Bond as a bookworm daddy to Indy. In theory it should work for me. Only it doesn't. One of the things that i love about TEMPLE OF DOOM is that it is it's own movie, for good or worst. And it does indeed hark back to the old serial from which the Indianan Jones movies are based upon. and not just the old serial mvoies but also the literature and comics form the first half and the middle of the 20th century. It so happens that by what Jung calls Synchrocinity (i think), i had read a comic book which was basically a indian version of Tarzan that also featured the thungees and the cult of kali as the vilalins. and lo and behold, there was this Spielberg movie that was about that. It kicked my ass. Lame Crusade, as i call it, first of all is just a repetition of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. Same vilalins. Same side-kicks. Only know they are baffons and retard versions of the intelligent and capable characters they were in the first movie. And then there is this uninspired cinematography. All the rpevious Indy movies had this David lean type cinematography. Lame Crusade, as i call it, looks like a TV movie, evne considering the fact they went to Petra. How the fuck one goes to Petra and makes a movie look so banal? But for me the worst, the very worst, was turning Indiana Jones from an internation aman of mystery (like Bond) into a daddy boy with daddy issues. As the guys from a stereotypical ghetto movie say, "nigga please!!" That's how you create interesting (yawn) personal conflict? Because Indy has daddy issues? Who wrotes that shit? Did a teenager Bob Orci whore that script or something? Because it looks like it! Since qwhen an Indy movie is the place for Spielberg and Lucas to deposite their own daddy issues? If they want to do that, make a fucking movie about it, don't fuck up Indy's cool witn your personal urges! Fuck's sakes! It compeltly emasculated the character! You know, i was pretty young when i saw the Indy movies. I was a teen. And you know when you were excited to watch a new Indy movie, and you were so pumped up, you where there, goingto the cinema, no matter if it rained water or fire, you were ther,e you had to be there, and then you are watching the movie and you start noticing that you are making an effort to like the movie? Why the fuck should one make an effort to like an Indiana Jones movie? That's when i realsied, much to my pain and sadness, that the movie was fucking bad. Watching Lame Crusade, as i clal it,for the first time was one of my most sadest moments i ever had in a theater when not watching a drama. I cried with EMPIRE OF THE SUN because the movie was deliberatly made to make us cry. I wanted to cry after i watched Lame Crusade, as i call it, because it was so fucking bad. Becasue it was a bad Indiana Jones movie. OF ALL THINGS!! I can take a bad James Bond movie. A bad Batman movie. A bad Star Wars movie. But a bad Indy movie? Sacrilege!! Adn now i have TWO BAD INDIY MOVIES. and for my sins, the latest is even worst then the other fucking movie i had detested for so long. I jsut can't believe it. And the worst part? Spieberg made them. Or rather, the same team who made the first two great Indy movies made the two crappy ones too. How the fuck did this happened? Did Spielberg and Lucas drove over on the feet of some old gypsy that cursed them for life or something?
June 27, 2011, 5:15 p.m. CST
...sigh. 3 points to make...
by Boober
1. Whiteley looks like a caricature of what a hot actress/model should look like in the trailers...Geez, dial it back! You don't need to pull a pair of wax lips out of a cracker jack box and slam them into some lanky, tall blonde girls face to try for 3-D attractive. 2. Stop with all this "Best 3D EVAH!" bullsh!t. It's a distraction and another way for the suits to suck hard-earned revenue out of the fanbase. Don't know about you, but I have two eyes in front of my head that allow me to judge depth and see in 3D ALREADY. I don't need you to use annoying tech to exaggerate and force perspective on my brain and piss me off even further by saying I need to pay for it. If the BAY ACTION SEQUENCES work in normal 3D, then great. Otherwise, F*CK OFF. 3. Yes, there needs to be a reboot that is more central to the robots. The attempt at Indiana Jones-type humor with humans fails because award winning actors can't do what award-winning comedians can. The best directors understand this. Snyder has proven he will stay true to source material and on that merit alone should be given a chance. ...or just give it to the guy who directed 13 Assassins and let him stir-fry our brain with what he comes up with.
June 27, 2011, 5:15 p.m. CST
Tomatometer will drop
by Rupee88
Before a big budget films is released, a lot of payola reviews are the first to appear and of course those are positive. But as the real reviews come out that weren't bought and paid for, the postiive percentage always drops. If it is at 64% now, I bet it ends up around 40% in a week or two, if not lower.
June 27, 2011, 5:15 p.m. CST
charlie_sheens_coke_numbed_penis: "I have absolutely NO idea what you are trying to say here". Don't insult yourself like that, please!
by AsimovLives
Not in a public place. It's embaracing!
June 27, 2011, 5:16 p.m. CST
by ScaryJim
Harry a couple of years ago when it first looked like people were trolling your reviews because you pandered to alot of shit I felt bad. But now most of your 'reviews' whilst nearly all being positive, seem to have some kind of caveat behind the positiveness- like you know the film is shit but you just don't want to say for... whatever *cough*reasons . There's a real lack of integrity here now, and something stinks.
June 27, 2011, 5:21 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
"I certainly felt stupid after paying to see the first TF." Tell me about it! I felt the same way. After i watched the fucking movie i flipped the finger toward the screen. Yes, it was a very childish thing to do, but it was in tune to the mental state of that fucking movie. The first Transformers movie mananged to both bore me to tears while deeply insulting me at the same time. No small feat. And i tell you, Bay's Transformers movies are two of the most boring movies i ever seen in my life. Add to that Bad Boys 2 as well. Boy, were those movies skullnumbing boring!! I have seen glaciar paced movies which had more excitment then the crap that Bay makes. I once rented Pearl Harbor just to see if the movei was as horrible as i remembered, and i tell you, i fell asleep during the bombing sequence. It's a fucking big ass action shit stuff blowing left and right, lots of noise and shit, and it bored the shit out of me. I fell asleep. In the theaters, i almost fell asleep watching Transformers 1. And i never fell asleep in a theater, never, regardless of how slow paced a movie might be. Never! So, it's a testement to how supposedly exciting all that Bay's movie shit is. Which is, not at fucking all! Shit blowing up makes a movie? No it does not!
June 27, 2011, 5:25 p.m. CST
by warren bishop
You are my new hero.
June 27, 2011, 5:26 p.m. CST
Harry: Are you joking about Rosie Huntington-Whiteley?
by matthooper8
Her face looks like a foot.
June 27, 2011, 5:26 p.m. CST
boober, you mentioend 13 ASSASSINS. Now that's what a realy good action movie looks like.
by AsimovLives
That's what an action sequence that will blow your mind will look like. That's how you do it. Bay could learn a thing or two from Takashi Miike's directing in 13 ASSASSINS... if he had the intelligence for that. Which he doesn't.
June 27, 2011, 5:28 p.m. CST
A Michael Bay movie: An immature obnoxious rich manchild calling you a moron at the top of his lungs for two hours while you pay money for the previlege.
by AsimovLives
And some of you call that fun? You have a very fucked up notion of what is fun, brothers.
June 27, 2011, 5:29 p.m. CST
I think Russ Myer was mentioned more...
by matthooper8
.... in that payoff review than he's been mentioned in the last 20 years.
June 27, 2011, 5:30 p.m. CST
by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis
A Michael Bay movie: An immature obnoxious rich manchild calling you a moron at the top of his lungs for two hours while you pay money for the previlege. by asimovlives And some of you call that fun? You have a very fucked up notion of what is fun, brothers. THERE...THAT made sense.
June 27, 2011, 5:31 p.m. CST
What's a Russ Meyer?
by zooch
We don't care.
June 27, 2011, 5:31 p.m. CST
SPOILER ! Harry likes shit blockbusters.
by Neil
June 27, 2011, 5:33 p.m. CST
How old are you, zooch?
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 27, 2011, 5:37 p.m. CST
Russ Meyers was that guy who made movies with girls with big tits, right?
by AsimovLives
I don't think the new Baygirl in the latest Bayformers movie is all that big titties, i'f i'mnot too mistaken. Nor was Megan Fox, actually. For anybody who saw JENNIFER'S BODY can tell you, Amanda Seyfied was far more buxom-y. It seems that Bay likes his women snak and white-trashy. And this froma guy who grew up from a high-up upper middle class family. Without knowing this and going by his movies one would think Bay had come from the lowest of white trash. Who the hell is this assclown, anyway? Bay models all his leading ladies on the first crackwhore he payed to get his first blow job?
June 27, 2011, 5:38 p.m. CST
Harry's Attack of the Clones review
by WerePlatypus
Never forget.
June 27, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
You should had used the Phantom Menace review as example.
June 27, 2011, 5:42 p.m. CST
good review
by Thunderbolt Ross
it was not a bad read
June 27, 2011, 5:43 p.m. CST
I definitely won't be contributing...
by D_T
...to what will no doubt be some huge revenue numbers this turd will generate. I got the first one for free with an player purchase, and saw the second for free on a HBO/SHO free weekend from DirecTV. So at least I haven't spent _any_ money on this series. The first one had a few moments outside of the seizure inducing action scenes that felt like a proper Transformers movie. Number 2? I actually fast forwarded through most of it, I mean, seriously, giant metal nuts? The action scenes were even worse, there's just this flash of swirling gears and colors with no context or weight. I honestly couldn't even keep track of who was who, and hell, I used to watch the original animated series. In my mind the best handling of the material is still the original animated movie.
June 27, 2011, 5:44 p.m. CST
Nothing beats fatman Harrys Blade 2 review
by Nabster
The way he went on and on about how GDT eats pussy was bizarre and downright inappropriate, not to mention very dumb.
June 27, 2011, 5:45 p.m. CST
OK guys, i'm off, going to watch the 7th episode of "Game Oh Thrones", which is HOW PROPER GOOD FUN REALLY LOOKS LIKE.
by AsimovLives
Instead of the shit made by that upstart Mickey Bay assclown.
June 27, 2011, 5:47 p.m. CST
See you around, Asi.
by THE_CHOPPAH
Watch all four remaining Game of Thrones eps tonight.
June 27, 2011, 5:48 p.m. CST
Michael Bay is a magician..
by IKilledSuperman
..he taught me how to swallow my tongue just by watching his movies. After Transformers 2 I even managed to add a knot just by twisting it, thus avoiding being saved from suffocation. Yes, Bay killed me with T2 and now I´m my own ghostwriter. So cool. Thank you, Michael.
June 27, 2011, 5:49 p.m. CST
Did Bay suddenly stop objectifying women and cars?
by Knuckleface
...cause that's the shit I can't abide.
June 27, 2011, 5:51 p.m. CST
Later, 'Lives...
by Charlie_Sheens_Coke_Numbed_Penis
Don't spoil 'nuttin'...
June 27, 2011, 5:56 p.m. CST
Was Rosie Huntington-Whiteley hit in the face...
by matthooper8
...with a frying pan? They get rid of the hottest woman on the planet and replace her with a girl who looks like he face is melting.
June 27, 2011, 5:56 p.m. CST
Wow, Harry. Was this bullshit as awesome as the Green Lantern bullshit that you loved so much?
by AzulTool
June 27, 2011, 6:01 p.m. CST
Harry, your brother Larry defended you in this talkback
by Star Hump
- Defended you against the malicious rantings of the clearly unhinged "Harry Is A Pedo". That should be reason enough to pick up the phone, Harry. What more evidence do you need of Larry's fraternal devotion? How much longer must this tragic estrangement go on? Sure, you're going to feel butterflies in your stomach as you reach for the receiver. That's understandable. But Harry, you have to harden the fuck up and get past the fear. Yes, it will be awkward at first. You may find yourself reaching for the Funyuns, but you need to fight through that shit. Your brother is reaching out to you. He needs you. It's time to do the right thing, Harold. It's time to heal the rift. Call your brother.
June 27, 2011, 6:05 p.m. CST
Transformers Franchise
by cushing1967
I have no real comment to make apart from the fact I never saw the first one and I saw the second one as I took my nephews to it as a birthday thing. As I watched the second one I became convinced I had suffered from a mild stroke or embolism as I had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on and who was who and who was fighting who. I have absolutely no intention of seeing this as the second one was bad enough - but seeing the same kind of stuff in 3D would probably kill me. What I will say about the second one was the fact that because it was fundamentally based on a line of toys I never got any sense of drama from it. The bits where I knew what was happening. I will say this about Michael Bay - I really, really liked The Rock.
June 27, 2011, 6:05 p.m. CST
I didnt bother with part 2............
by fat_rancor_keeper
so IF I saw this (and there's a 99.9999999% I wont) would it matter? Considering how bad and incoherent the script supposedly was in the second film I'm going to guess it really doesn't matter. I thought the first was okay...........passable summer action.
June 27, 2011, 6:27 p.m. CST
by D_T
BEGIN_QUOTE As I watched the second one I became convinced I had suffered from a mild stroke or embolism as I had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on and who was who and who was fighting who. END_QUOTE Hahaha, holy shit I actually laughed out loud at that (and not LOL like punctuation, but physically cackled loud enough that the woman asked me what was so funny). I had the same experience, initially from the robots (since they all just look like hyper-animated boxes of leftover watch parts), but then even the human characters got lost in the confusion, geography started blurring, you know, I think I may have had a medical issue too. (Thanks for the funny)
June 27, 2011, 6:29 p.m. CST
boborci, IS THAT REALLY THE BEST YOU CAN DO? NO WONDER YOU WRITE SHITTY MOVIES AND GET VERABLLY FISTED BY A BURGER FLIPPER!?!
by CreepyThinMan
June 27, 2011, 6:34 p.m. CST
Asimov, Indy continued
by Mattman
Interestingly, I was a late bloomer to Indy, and I saw Last Crusade first, at the age of ten, at a drive in with my parents in 1989. Being the first Indy movie I saw, it probably has a nostalgic factor that can't be dampened no matter how logical an argument you present against it. I think the same goes for Temple of Doom with you. That movie is supremely flawed, but it was your first Indy experience, and nothing's gonna change that. Over the years, I've come to see what others see in it. But my first experience was Last Crusade... and then I saw Raiders and thought, "holy shit, that's even better"... and then I saw Temple of Doom and thought, "WTF happened?". It was like the quality dropped... although as I grew older, I started to understand what they were doing. As for the villains in Raiders vs. Crusade... Belloq is clearly a better villain than the one-note Donovan (who even as a kid I didn't care for). But there is more going on in Crusade than just that villain. Elsa adds a new dynamic, and also makes up for the horrendous annoyance of Willie Scott (I would much rather see HER fall into a chasm). Willie is grating, and the common defense is, "She's supposed to be annoying!" Guess what? I could say the same of Jar Jar Binks. I liked Indy's daddy issues, as it made for some great exchanges between them. Indy is a human being, and he doesn't have a perfect upbringing (most great men don't). Crusade expanded on his character without betraying him, imo. Every revelation about him made sense to me, like puzzle pieces fitting into place. I also like that some of the cool things about him, like his name, were explained in a humorous fashion, lest we start taking all this too seriously. These films have always tried to get a laugh out of us at Indy's expense, sometimes even through slapstick (the hilarious mirror scene in Raiders, for fuck's sake). As for the cinematography in Crusade, it's a little more straightforward and less in your face (literally) than Raiders or Temple. I don't mind this, as it deals with more adult themes. A few people here have called in a retread of Raiders, and I wholeheartedly disagree with that. The quest for the grail deals with far different themes than the Ark (which was more a simple taking over the world story), and it ties very nicely into the story of a father and son who are very much alike, and who are basically both children at heart... and its this very trait that has kept them apart for so long.
June 27, 2011, 7:10 p.m. CST
Michael Bay created the best action movie of 2011
by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE
you haters are IRRELEVANT.
June 27, 2011, 7:27 p.m. CST
winona_ryders_pussy_juice, then why would you need to address them?
by Mattman
June 27, 2011, 7:36 p.m. CST
Harry, you are severly screwed up
by brattyben
"As great as her runway prowesses are – she's kinda perfect for Michael Bay. Her opening following shot is what 3D was invented for. Trust me. It is easily the new gold standard of PG13 softcore wank material. In 3D – men & boys will verbally react to the shot I'm talking about. " Right, cause real men and boys are only interested in women for their 'wank factor'. I seriously was so creeped out by that phrase, I stopped reading your review. Harry, you run your own site, that's fine, but, you are also a world media source for a lot of stuff, for a lot of people, and maybe some of those people don't share your juvenile views on such matters. What bugs me is that you don't understand the public persona you exude from this site. Phrases like this, just make you look poorly. I mean, does your wife read this site? Would she be proud to know that you think about how other men and yourself would 'wank off' to any female screen presence. I'm not trying to be a stick in the mud, but, c'mon man! Show a little progress.
June 27, 2011, 7:38 p.m. CST
fuck michael bay
by Paul
June 27, 2011, 7:41 p.m. CST
Pg-13 Gold Standard 3d Wank material!??!
by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE
I'm so there
June 27, 2011, 7:45 p.m. CST
This will be more shit
by daggor
BUT... I'm assuming that Bay will deliver the proper use of 3D. Mindless bullshit with shit flying at you all the time.
June 27, 2011, 8:07 p.m. CST
by musically_endowed
Just saw 13 assassins. Was a great movie, but the action is decent. The characters are what make that movie. And for a Takashi Miike flick, it was pretty toned down in terms of violence.
June 27, 2011, 8:14 p.m. CST
also lame crusade?
by musically_endowed
What's up with the hate for the 2nd best indy flick? All temple of doom had going for it was a guy ripping out peoples hearts, and starving kids who would later on get beat in a ball game versus jay and silent bob. Crusade was great, because it brought back the element from Raiders, ToD and Crystall Skull sorely missed: Indy being a researchers. Crusade also tries to show what shaped Indy into the person he became. Even went as far as to discuss his religious beliefs.
June 27, 2011, 8:15 p.m. CST
Anybody who uses the term 'haters' in reference...
by Orbots Commander
...to opinion about movies, that isn't a texting tweener girl, needs a kick in the ass or a smack upside the back of the head.
June 27, 2011, 8:17 p.m. CST
Harry should be embarrassed by his reviews
by sunwukong86
In every one of Harry's reviews he comes off as a 12 year old discovering porn for the first time. I cant believe Harry isnt even aware of his own reputation
June 27, 2011, 8:27 p.m. CST
by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE
June 27, 2011, 8:37 p.m. CST
by IKilledSuperman
You should know by now that Mr Knowles is somewhat...uhm...basic on the maturity thing.
June 27, 2011, 8:52 p.m. CST
Half the review is about Shia and his GF
by Bass Ackwards
Which is the basic problem with these flicks, they made a transformers movie but no one had the balls to actually make the transformers the stars of the movie, so we get to watch Shia try to get laid, or Shia trying to get a job, and then Shia saves the day. And there's some robot shit going on too. I've made this comparison before, but no one would make a GI Joe film and then relegate the Joes to supporting characters in some high schooler's struggle to be heroic and get the girl. The one good thing it sounds like is the 3D forced Bay to hold the camera still, the 2nd flick was an expensive movie but you'd never know it from the clusterfuck of editing and camera movement. At least this time around they might be trying to put some of that money on the screen.
June 27, 2011, 8:54 p.m. CST
and to agree with brattyben
by Bass Ackwards
Harry constantly uses reviews as a platform to talk about his sex life in some way, shape, or form. And its always more than a little gross and desperate.
June 27, 2011, 9:22 p.m. CST
bass ackwards
by IKilledSuperman
What do you expect? The guy can´t even see his own balls without a mirror. JK, Harry, JK. We all love you..sort of...a little...sometimes...nah, not really.
June 27, 2011, 9:37 p.m. CST
Capone's longwinded essay in defensiveness might have a point...
by AngrySmurf
...if only the facts didn't prove him utterly wrong on just about every count, as the history of this site has more than shown over the years. I mean where are the examples of all the films that AICN got set and editing suite visits and free private screenings set up for them where AICN actually then went and gave bad reviews to the films in question? I'm not talking about a single mediocre review or two that was spread in amongst the usual AICN hype and praise wagon (that old illusion of 'balance'trick again), I'm talking about movies that AICN got graft for and didn't pay it back with extensive positive reviews and hype on the site? Particularly in regards to major studio films. Not only is AICN clearly a whore, it's a pretty cheap whore with low standards, and so to pretend like you are some holy roller while simultaneously telling your own readers to fuck off if they dare mention that the emperor has no clothes is as hilarious as it is transparent. You wanbt to be a whore, fine, but just don't take us all for gullible idiots, because most of us are smart enough to know that there's no such thing as an honest whore.
June 27, 2011, 9:41 p.m. CST
by D.Vader
You ignoring my posts directed to you or what?
June 27, 2011, 9:43 p.m. CST
Harry, re: "How this came to be, many of us will speculate"
by Immortal_Fish
Benjamins, methinks.
June 27, 2011, 9:45 p.m. CST
Harry, re: "and in these films… ROBOTS. In the last outing, Bay was so brazen"
by Immortal_Fish
...that he made the robots the star of his film? No? Brazen != Constructicon balls.
June 27, 2011, 9:47 p.m. CST
the better respected an actor you are – the more silly you will be required to perform
by Immortal_Fish
The reasons why that bastard Malkovich turned down playing Normand Osborne still addle me. And he turned that role down to take... ...THIS?!
June 27, 2011, 9:51 p.m. CST
You know when it's a Harry review...
by Michael DA
when he over uses his most used descriptive words, "Holy Fuck", all over the place and then has the obligatory "wank material" stamp of approval for a woman. "that said", I'm glad he liked this movie and it wasn't a waste of time.
June 27, 2011, 9:53 p.m. CST
just saw Transformers 3 at an advanced screening...
by Carven
Yes, the movie is a steaming pile of hot shit on a toxic stick, what else were you expecting? It's a movie made purely to sell toys and have brain-dead America pump their fists in the air whenever Optimus comes out to kick unholy ass, which is okay if you're there to admire the work of the visual effects department, but we as film goers are there to admire the full scope of the vision of the DIRECTOR. With that, let me remind you all that this is a MICHAEL BAY film. You know is a Bayfuckfest when the story is shit, but the money shots are spectacular. I mean I just don't get it. The majority of viewers are going to eat this shit up like Thanksgiving dinner. Love it or hate it, Michael Bay is gonna be drowning in money, cocaine, and whores for the rest of his life because of the money that his Transformers trilogy made for him. It's fucking disgusting really. Don't get me wrong, I love watching giant robots beat the shit out of each other tearing, ripping, and shooting each other to scrap, but there has GOT to be a fucking good reason behind all that eye candy....aka..a fucking story! Michael Bay doesn't understand words, he's a visual guy. Fuck it all, I love action movies but they've gotten so over the top it's redonkulous. I miss the 80's.
June 27, 2011, 9:55 p.m. CST
Harry, re: "His parents do not respect him."
by Immortal_Fish
Good grief. Are you even rying at this point? The Witwicky parents are the stereotypical parents that still view their adult child as a toddler. This is not a display of disrespect. This is a reflection of their inability to come to grips with how much they've aged. And it is a hyperbolic archetype. It has nothing to do with disrespect. It has everything to do with how they can't handle what their child can handle. This isn't Shakespeare, you know. Please take a film class. And don't believe what you've heard about community college.
June 27, 2011, 10 p.m. CST
I'm still trying to figure out why this review is so long. It's TRANSFORMERS 3, for fuck's sake.
by ATrue
Um, seriously? How about this: Explosions: check. Violence: check (but not TOO check.) Cool, updated retro sound effect when robots transform: check. Shia The Beef doing lots of screaming and gaping in awe: check. Hot Chick: check. Awesome. Forgettable. See it drunk for maximum effect.
June 27, 2011, 10:06 p.m. CST
by Damnyou
June 27, 2011, 10:12 p.m. CST
Not even reading this review.
by PopcornJockey
What a waste--I've thought so since the first film. From the overly complicated (and utterly confusing) character designs, to the poor writing and acting, to the ADHD film aesthetic, these films completely trashed what could have been a truly epic, supremely watchable (and re-watchable) film franchise. I would much rather watch the 1980's animated film, it's superior to this Michael Bay shit in every way I can think of. Harry, what are you doing? Stop helping this hack put money in his pockets.
June 27, 2011, 10:23 p.m. CST
He likes the 3rd!? You got to be cock throating me if he lliked the first 2...wait, no. He is that dumb.
by Jeffrey
June 27, 2011, 10:41 p.m. CST
Sounds FUCKING AWESOME Y E A H
by Trannyformers_Apologist
If I was as wealthy as Michael Bay, I would have no interest of waking up every morning to produce something so f**king terrible. - movies.com GREEN LANTERN was a thousand times better than TRANSFORMERS 3 -- UGOmovies HEADACHE. I bet this was all part of Michael Bay's evil plan - jumble our brains up so much we can't even write the bad reviews. - cinemablend
June 27, 2011, 10:44 p.m. CST
ha, ha, how much were you paid this time?
by abe
I just laugh at your attempts at reviewing film. Hope your mommy is proud.
June 27, 2011, 11:08 p.m. CST
Die Hard origin...
by vicmackey1268
John McTiernan was originally going to make Commando 2, but Arnold Schwarzenegger turned the role offer down. Commando 2 was transformed into this film via a script based on Nothing Lasts Forever; Schwarzenegger was the first actor offered the title role, but he again declined. Eventually Bruce Willis would get the part after it had been offered to Sylvester Stallone, Burt Reynolds, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson and Richard Gere - IMDB and a few other sites. So, in a way, we are both right... Anywho...back to the point...lots of pointless action and violence means summer movie, especially one during 4th of July...and I like me a good summer movie. This, HP7.2, Capt America, Cowboys and Aliens....then I get Shark Week, get my 6-pack of Landshark Lager to watch during it, and call it a summer.
June 27, 2011, 11:10 p.m. CST
ps Rosie's lips are disgusting
by vicmackey1268
...in maaaaybe 2 pics of Maxim she looks ok, otherwise I wanna friggin give her some cream or something to stop the swelling.... Miranda Kerr would've been much better.
June 27, 2011, 11:14 p.m. CST
Hey, goldentribe
by karmattack
June 27, 2011, 11:49 p.m. CST
Why this movie has already failed...
by Xen11
They brought back the annoying parents, the annoying John Turturro fucktard character, those annoying military "HOORA HOORA WE LIKE SHOOTING THINGS AND ACTING DRAMATIC AMERICA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, MY WIFE'S HAVING A BABY, FEEL SORRY FOR ME" assholes, and they got rid of Megan Fox (who, with Shia, was the only good thing about ROTF) for speaking the truth in public. Fuck this movie, fuck Bay, and fuck me for going see it tomorrow at midnight.
June 27, 2011, 11:50 p.m. CST
Another steaming pile of shit
by Paul Paradis
Harry's review is a joke as usual. It would be nice to get an honest assessment of a movie for a change. This goatfuck of a movie is a waste of money. Don't get suckered into paying to see it.
June 27, 2011, 11:54 p.m. CST
What a terrible waste of incredible CG
by Ben_Richards_Bomb_Collar
From the look of the trailer, ILM did some absolutely gorgeous work. Too bad it's wasted on such a retarded movie.
June 27, 2011, 11:57 p.m. CST
Why do international audiences eat these movies up?
by whatevillurks
June 28, 2011, 12:06 a.m. CST
What spoilers?
by Larry Sellers
That review was ridiculously nonspecific.
June 28, 2011, 12:43 a.m. CST
Harry likes everything - wait for a real review.
by highfunctioningsociopath
June 28, 2011, 12:43 a.m. CST
Richard Dawkins
by Star Hump
Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade the need to think and evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence.
June 28, 2011, 12:52 a.m. CST
by anakinsoyo
Along with 2012 i have to say the other 2 transformers films are the biggest waste of CGI shots and effects and money in general in the history of film . Mr Bay is a complete idiot and people need to stop going to see his films . I saw an advert in the national news paper for T3 and it said the must see film in 3D . Well i walked out of green lantern because im done with this modern 3D . It just ends up giving you a big head ache and just distracts you from the fact that most of these modern films are a complete pile of fucking SHIT ! Thank god for great tv shows like boardwalk and game of thrones . Cinema is DEAD !
June 28, 2011, 1:04 a.m. CST
by ihatefanboys
actually BAY was NOT responsible for devastators balls, ORCI took credit for those in one of his interviews.
June 28, 2011, 1:09 a.m. CST
all u whiny bitches
by ihatefanboys
its funny how youre all gonna see this anyways, u still complain. its the 3rd movie already, will prob be a 4th.......it will never be rebooted, doesnt hav to be, its a rousing success..BAYs movies always do well, not one bomb in the whole lot. if u want transformers the way u want, watch the 80s cartoon while u jerk off into your optimus prime sheets... and while ur wiping up the mess from your lil pecker that no woman will ever touch, or even want to look at, look up the definition of "DIRECTOR" then compare and contrast with the term "SCREENWRITER" ....then smack yourself in the head for being such a dumbass.........TF3 FTW, will break the billion mark !!
June 28, 2011, 2:21 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
The Rock was a movie that Bay made under a very thigh leach, because back then he was just this small time punk ass whose only work so far had been BAD BOYS and some music videos. The fact he was so restrained might be one reason so many people like you mistake it as a good movie. It is not a good movie, but it's far less terrible then all the shit he made afterwards.
June 28, 2011, 2:29 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Spielberg and Lucas themselves admited that Crusade is a retread to Raiders, as their way of appology for Temple Of Doom. Which is absurd, since they have nothing to feel sorry about. So, evne the very creators of the movies admit of the turning back to formula. And that's again one thing that bothers me about Crusade, it's just a return to formula, instead of the bold outstep that was Temple Of Doom. It's hard to over-grown a sense of nostalgia about a movie, specially one that is the first you watched of a series. You think that my interest and love for TEMPLE OF DOOM is because it was my first Indy movie. While admit that's part of reason i like it, it's hardly the most important part. I like it because it's really good and it's the Indy movie with the most balls and pizzazz. I love that "i don't give a care" attitude that went with it. But make no mistake, i can outgrow nostalgia. First of all, because i think Raiders is best, and i saw that afterwards. Secondly, because i cna change my mind. For me RETURN OF THE JEDI was my first Sw movie,and yet of the original trilogy it's by far my least favorite. If nostlagia was such a power factor to me, i would still clinge to it like a fly on honey. But i don't. I like TEMPLE OF DOOM because i genuinely believe it's a damn good movie. And it's underdog status among the geekry sure helps making me quite protective of it. I'm sure you know and understand what i mean on this.
June 28, 2011, 2:32 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
The second best Indy movie is TEMPLE OF DOOM. I don't even count Lame Crusade as an Indy movie proper. It's more like this bad copy, a bad imitation or a ill intended parody. The 4th movie is even worst.
June 28, 2011, 2:33 a.m. CST
Read the Transformers comics, Harry
by Relugus
And you will see what Transformers can be when handled by people who grasp the potential of the material. I notice in Harry's review, that he makes no mention of the Transformers characters, which I think is very telling. The fact Harry thinks this does not matter, that the TFs should just be blowing shit up, grinds my gears no end. To me, as someone who grew up with the comics, the thing that was cool and exciting about the Transformers was their vivid characterisations. It goes the whole distance with the idea of sentient robots, going further than most "serious" science fiction. The UK Marvel comics origin of the Transformers is f****ing genius. Check out the fan-made animated adaptation of Transformers: War Within on Youtube, it pisses on Bay's movies from a great height. Starscream has no personality at all in the Bayformers movies. You see, the whole concept of the Transformers is that they are SENTIENT robots. They are able to think and feel, and they have PERSONALITIES. Every Transformer has a unique personality, check out the tech specs bios, which are surprisingly rich and detailed. They are "everymen". they are not simply good/evil characters, this is what separates TF from most toylines, there are shades to the Transformers characters. The cartoon show actually whitewashed alot of the darker elements of the TF's personalities; Grimlock's tech spec/comic book character was far too ambivalent for a kids show (once you read the comics, you'll never touch the cartoon Grimlock ever again), Slag , a totally unsympathetic thug in his bio, was softened to being a thicko in the cartoon, Sunstreaker's sociopathy (you heard that right) was ommitted, and Mirage's snobbery was airbrushed out. I loved that quite alot of the Autobots are actually assholes. Then you have Shockwave, again, like Grimlock, a character who was crap in the cartoon but attained awesome status in the comics. In the comics, he handed Megatron his ass, and displayed a calculating coldness which managed to be downright creepy. He's the ultimate Decepticon, the master of cruel, cold logic. I bet in Dark of the Moon Shockwave gets about one line and just appears to blow shit up. That is a massive waste and a bastardisation of Shockwave. Its like having Magneto appear in an X-Men movie purely to make ice cream for Xavier. Indeed, in the comics the Decepticons changed leaders regularly; they were all scheming against each other, with various factions forming. In Bayformers the Decepticons are mindless drones (again going against a fundamental aspect of the TF lore). You've got war profiteer Swindle, louts Runamuck and Runabout, Decepticon doubter Thundercracker, snitch Soundwave, preening sociopath Sunstreaker, pompous architect Grapple, corporate shyster Ratbat, plagued-by self-doubt Ultra Magnus, sucidical manic depressive Dead End, detective Nightbeat, vain schemer Starscream, reckless engineer Wheeljack, Doc Ratchet, shifty toff Mirage, hardnut Grimlock, cold, logical Shockwave, and many, many more. Yet, with such a wealth of colourful characters to play with, what does Bay do? He makes a movie where the robots just blow each other up. If the only time we see the TFs is when they are blowing shit up, then to me that's a huge, disgusting waste. You don't need human character in a Transformers film if you portray the Transformers as they are meant to be portrayed; as sentient, living beings with many of the same dilemmas and issues as humans face. They put humans at the front because they are too lazy to bother with the TFs. Bumblebee is reduced to being Sam's pet robot, and can't speak, purely so they can have him make the cute robot noises which are such a Hollywood cliche. See, if you are adapting something to film, you should hire a director who actually likes the source material. Bay does not care for Transformers at all, he has absolutely no grasp of the source material. Spielberg, in hiring a man who knows sod all about Transformers, has shown he cares not a jot about it either. Spielberg/Bay rip stuff from the cartoons/comics, completely miss the point of it (The Fallen is nothing like his comic-book inspiration). They slap names on, but leave out the characters. Heck, Mirage is red when he has always been BLUE, and Shockwave's cannon is on the wrong f***ing arm. Don Murphy did care, he read all the comics, graphic novels, etc, and consulted Simon Furman. But when Spielberg and Bay came onboard, he got pushed aside. Furman advised that the Transformers should be approached in exactly the same way you approach human characters. Spielberg and Bay (and Orci/Kurtzman) completely ignored Furman's wise advice, making the Transformers limited dialogue almost entierely exposition. With all the huge wealth of source material to work from, not making a smart TF movie is inexcusable. Spielberg might be able to redeem himself by doing a serious adaptation of Transformers: War Within.
June 28, 2011, 2:35 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Sorry i didn't noticed you adressed a post to me. This talkback is prety long already and i guess i missed yours in the shuffled. Very sorry about that, friend. I'll be back at ya.
June 28, 2011, 2:40 a.m. CST
Here's a question:
by Ballbag
If these movies are as terrible as you AICN lot make them out to be (and Im singling you lot out because commenters on other sites like Superhero Hype dont hate movies in the way you do), then why the fuck does the cinema audience always seem to be having a hell of a time when watching them? The reason I ask is that you lot say you are sitting there, head spinning because you cant keep up with a shaky cam shot, ears bleeding, eyes crossing with the carnage on the screen. Reality: Everyone Ive ever seen is laughing, enjoying, and being blown away by the audio visual spectacle of it all. Leaving the cinema enthusiastically talking about what they have just seen. Im only asking because it seems you are living in some joyless parallel universe.
June 28, 2011, 2:46 a.m. CST
I'm at peace with Asi's JJ Trek hate mogering.....
by darthSaul666
I mean really.... His JJ hate kinda made him check out original Trek..... I gotta show some fanboy respect!!!!!!!!
June 28, 2011, 2:48 a.m. CST
By the same tolkenI wanna check new BAYFORMERS
by darthSaul666
Maybe a few things were learned on the way...... I kinda always thought Transformers were kinda silly like Green Lantern....
June 28, 2011, 2:49 a.m. CST
99% so far at Rottentomatoes
by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE
June 28, 2011, 2:51 a.m. CST
I still have huge condemnation for practical effects Spider-Man
by darthSaul666
If that could work it would have happened 30 years ago.... Oh yeah there was the TV show that was tanked mostly due to it's practical effects budget!!!!!
June 28, 2011, 3 a.m. CST
Everyone you
by SierraTangoFoxtrotUniform
June 28, 2011, 3 a.m. CST
I always found The Rock highly entertaining and forgetable
by darthSaul666
And that's all I got to say about that....
June 28, 2011, 3:11 a.m. CST
Everyone you've ever seen in a theater has been doing jumping jacks in the aisles?
by SierraTangoFoxtrotUniform
So all AICN readers are haters and all of the times you've been to the cinema (to no doubt see crap like this) everyone in the theater with you has been acting like they're high on whippets? Doesn't sound like reality to me. Sounds more like a delusion resulting either from too little or too much medication. Besides, everyone with half a brain knows that the masses are mostly comprised of idiots. McDonalds is the leading food provider in the world. Eminem is the best selling artist in America (or whoever). A Justin Beiber video is the most viewed of all time on YouTube. American Idol is the most watched television show ever. Notice a trend? Getting the whole quality vs. quantity thing? Is it sinking in that just because a bunch of idiots like something doesn't mean that it is any good? Probably not, because you're most likely a member of the unwashed masses. It isn't a matter of not being able to keep up with CGI-riddled, ADHD influenced shaky cam crap, it's a matter of NOT WANTING TO for the millionth time. Michael Bay, like McDonalds and rap music, caters to the lowest common denominator of society. Society wants lights and booms and shininess. Society gets that.
June 28, 2011, 3:14 a.m. CST
by Relugus
Greatest. Comicbook cover. Ever.
June 28, 2011, 3:14 a.m. CST
Chunk Of Shit
by Todd1700
This will be a chunk of shit just like the other two. Quick, name one series of films where the first two sucked abysmally and then the third one was good? Anybody? Waiting? They should literally advertise these movies like this. Are you retarded? Do you have a IQ under 50 and attention deficit disorder? Are you incapable of paying attention to any film that isn't a constant whirling fucking blur of colorful machinery with a loud explosion every two minutes? Do you feel that things like a coherent plot, decent acting, or intelligent dialog are just a bunch of shit that completely fucks up a film and causes you to lose interest. Then boy do we have a film for you!!!
June 28, 2011, 3:20 a.m. CST
Asimov - Re: The Rock
by cushing1967
I think the Rock, while having it's flaws, is still a good movie. The action sequences are pretty well filmed and edited in such a way that you can get a sense of cohesion and geography. It has a pretty impressive cast - and I'm not just talking about Cage and Connery - but Ed Harris, David Morse, Michael Biehn, John C McGinley. It's pretty well written - and no doubt because of some of the people who did uncredited work on it. It has heart and a believable dynamic. I haven't particularly liked any other Michael Bay films - in fact I detested Armageddon and Bad Boys II with a passion but I do like the Rock and not it's because it's less terrible than the other Bay movies, I like it because it is a good movie. I dorealise that it's not a typical Bay film - in fact I find the car chase a bit dull and out of place and that was his sole contribution to the script but for a Die Hard knock off it stands up well.
June 28, 2011, 3:22 a.m. CST
Hollywood can't do sentient robots
by Relugus
They have to be "cute" (and make cute noises), speak in "AI-ese" or be scarey killing machines. They are not allowed to be anything else other than servants, pets, or mooks. I hear people diss TF as a toyline, but its a toyline that has as its central concept an idea Hollywood is too chicken to explore.
June 28, 2011, 3:25 a.m. CST
This film plays so much better with an audience
by HEADGEEK
I liked it the first time, but seeing it a second time - hearing an audience laughing at moments that had fallen dead for me the first time, just really made it come together that much better for me. I still feel the movie should be no more than 2 hours long though. Though it actually played faster the second time I saw it. One thing is sure, I didn't like either of the first 2 films. This one, I have no problem liking.
June 28, 2011, 3:33 a.m. CST
Temple of the Last Crusade of the Crystal Skulls
by cushing1967
Is a great Indiana Jones movie - I love the fact that it actually recaptures a slightly different style of serial and pulp than Raiders does. For me it is not that far behind Raiders in quality - it's funny (one of the funniest movies I have ever seen) and the action sequences are incredibly exciting - with perhaps the exception of the mine car chase which I loved at the time but now find a bit dull as unlike the truck chase and the tank chase in Raiders and Last Crusade there wasn't anywhere near as much possibility for real shots intercut with the model work and stunt work so it becomes a wee bit uninvolving. However, I like the fact that it has a completely different structure (I dislike that by the third one it had gone to an almost James Bond structure - opening teaser, here's your mission, the mission). The villains are weak unfortunately - there is no real feeling of who Mola Ram is but it doesn't detract so much from the film for me. Willie Scott is shrill and annoying but does it well - I never found her that unlikeable to watch. Short Round is probably the only kid in an adventure film that I have ever liked. It's a film that seems to have developed a bad press over the years and I've never fully understood that. Last Crusade - I still like it but I find it flawed too much to really truly enjoy. I hate the fact that they turned Marcus Brody into Nigel Bruce and the fact that Sallah became comedy Arab x 10. I think a lot of the comedy (not the character stuff between Indy and his dad which is pretty impressive) but the comedy in the action scenes or whatever a bit forced and not 'that' funny. Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls - I have no idea quite what is so wrong with this film it has everything technically that an Indy film should have but none of it works for me. It has no sense of anything - it's like an echo of an Indiana Jones movie. I hate it because it's so bland.
June 28, 2011, 3:40 a.m. CST
This film plays so much better with BIG BAGS OF PARAMOUNT CASH
by Trannyformers_Apologist
This film plays so much better with BIG BAGS OF PARAMOUNT CASH Free trips to premieres Special advanced screenings Special screening Free swag Free tickets to special premiers/ticket give-away In Paramount we trust.
June 28, 2011, 3:44 a.m. CST
Robots, Blacks, and Women
by Relugus
Bay can't grasp the idea of them being sentient, living beings.
June 28, 2011, 3:52 a.m. CST
by HEADGEEK
and how do you explain me trashing the last two. Especially when on the first one, Paramount rented a giant TRUCKASAURUS for the screening - and rented out all 6 screens of the theater, and then I trashed the movie, destroyed the second in a blistering review. Then with this one. Where I didn't go to any premieres, I write a positive review, that is very critical of the film, while also admitting that it absolutely entertained me. It just isn't all roses.
June 28, 2011, 3:57 a.m. CST
Did you call Larry yet , Harry?
by Star Hump
June 28, 2011, 4:13 a.m. CST
by AotD
The arrogance and downright scumbag comments in here from some are just unbearable. Casual homophobia aside, the sheer venom and hostility on show from so called film fans is a disgrace. Idiots like big explosions, smart people like high art. You know what? If you like things so black and white, folk might want to find a passion thats not as subjective as film. Anyway, I'm off to see this at the IMAX tomorrow, really liked the first one for all it's flaws but hated the second one. My sister worked on the ad campaign for DotM over here in the UK and she's vouched for the film being a really good time and I trust her. All I'm expecting is a fun experience and you know what? I'll take that.
June 28, 2011, 4:17 a.m. CST
Saw it last night.
by Kevin Bolinger
My buddy won a local radio contest to attend an advanced screening of Dark of the Moon. So, last night, we traveled to Philly and saw it in glorious 3d for free. Harry is right, Bay finally made a great transformers film. I loved it!
June 28, 2011, 4:22 a.m. CST
"This film plays so much better with an audience" Yeah, but what kind of audience are we talking about?
by AsimovLives
June 28, 2011, 4:35 a.m. CST
An audience is made up of many different kinds
by Ballbag
of people. Adults, kids, some single, some parents, some teenagers, some older folk, some transgender, some homosexual etc. So if that audience is enjoying the movie they are immediately all idiots? Honestly I dont know why I post on here, probably because Im in shock at the joyless assholes who post on here I guess. Oh and to the person that classed me as one of the great unwashed, you couldnt be more wrong my friend but in the process of trying to patronise me you probably accurately described a large percentage of the regular posters on here. Anyway while Im enjoying what has already been described as a good Transformers movie tomorrow with my family, you will be at home spending yet another night in a darkened bedroom cursing people online because 'you were burned before and wont be wasting money on another Bayformers'. You enjoy yourselves now.
June 28, 2011, 4:37 a.m. CST
You know they got it wrong when it's from the human
by Dennis_Moore
eye level perspective. Most of the movie should be seen from the robot's eyes down at the puny humans (or up toward flying Decepticons).
June 28, 2011, 4:37 a.m. CST
winona_ryders_pussy_juice, Bayshitfuckmers 3 is 63% at Rottentomatoes. Why are you lying?
by AsimovLives
June 28, 2011, 4:54 a.m. CST
The Berg would not make a good Transformers movie
by Knuckleface
Spielberg is a great director when he cares, but you can always tell when his heart is not in the material. Transformers isn't something meaningful to him. He didn't grow up with Transformers, he doesn't connect with it, and he's even admitted that he didn't 'get it'. Its just a pay-cheque for him. Spielberg should only direct films he cares about. Then he won't be burdened with crap like Crystal Skull, The Lost World, and the forgettable but not terrible War of the Worlds.
June 28, 2011, 5:21 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
The first time i watched THE ROCK i mistook it for an entertaiming movie as well. I saw it back in the day. But as time gone by, the movie looks worst an worst, to the point that i have absolutly no doubt in my mind that it's a shit movie. Less shitty then all of the other Bay's movies, and shit nontheless. I guess one can excuse that movie depending on one's tolerance for dumbed down crappy action bullshit movies. I have none.
June 28, 2011, 5:42 a.m. CST
by CreepyThinMan
Just in the same way that Transformers 2 earned your wrath, not because it was a piece of shit ladled with military propaganda and racism, but because Paramount didn't butter you up you corpulent piece of shit. Oh and it's nice to see you kissing Don Murphy's ass after he got the advertising pulled from AICN two years ago because of your review of Bayformers 2. The two of you are both parasitic scumbags who would suck the shit out of a pigs asshole if you thought it would help you climb the Hollywood ladder. You fucking sicken me and I don't know how you can live with yourself. I guess a complete lack of self-esteem and shame would help me sleep at night if I was a 500 pound tub of lard.
June 28, 2011, 6:07 a.m. CST
the same argument applies
by emeraldboy
to glastonbury. music festivals have become commercialized. hundreds of thousands people paid money to see three huge commercial acts, U2. coldplay and beyonce and of course a myriad of other acts like kool and the gang and qotsa. with the exception of u2 glastonbury has the same bill as oxygen. I am not a fan of music festivals, especially ones where you have to stand in the mud. So people may complain about bay films and transformers two was terrible. but people will go and it will be a huge success. Glastonbury which was started by micheal eavis 41 years ago is a very different animal to the slightly hippie music festival it was back then. BBC had it on all its channels. which pulled in a lot of mullah for them. some people argued that beyonce was not suitable for glasto and she played to 175,000 people. it is indicative of the media world we live in that a presenter called zane lowed laughed at his co presenter lauren laverne after she raved about beyonce. beyonce's fans stormed twitter and he was replaced by jo whiley and she laverne interviewed beyonce. after having his ass spanked, lowe went on to twitter to say that he thought beyonce was very impressive. as for coldplay bbc have been very busy taking their stuff down from youtube. the commercialization of glasto began when vince power took it over in the 1990s. my point is that we live in a commercial world. be it music, movies, tv and else where.
June 28, 2011, 6:11 a.m. CST
Normal comments from normal people within:
by Ballbag
2 random positive quites (of many) taken from other forums that are not infested with AICN talkbacker freaks: "the opening scene on Cybertron was so good. It was scenes like this that sets this film apart from the other two. If any one had any issues with the other two films, trust me Bay completly hit it out of the park this time. It Kills me because if he had it in him to make this kind of Transformers film why did he wait until it was the end of the series to do it. Great Film!!" and "the movie was totally amazing. It both visually and emotionally pleased me and the rest of the audience (at least most anyway) around me. There were applauds throughout the movie for certain epic and amazingly shot scenes that put you right in the front lines of what takes place in the movie. I felt completely immersed in the plot and action of this film and fully intend to buy the DVD release when it arrives. You all should see this movie. Most, if not all, fans will be pleased with what they see. I know I was." See what you joyless hermits have to remember is that you are not 'normal' in the bigger picture, you'd like to think you are superior by slagging off film makers as if you could do it better. The truth is you cant, thats why you sit on forums making trashy comments, while the movie makers you feel compelled to slate make BIG G's. They are incredibly talented, you, are not.
June 28, 2011, 6:51 a.m. CST
@aotd Yeah homophobia is so fucking gay.
by highfunctioningsociopath
June 28, 2011, 7:19 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
I beleive the post you mentioned above is about your opinion of the quality of the CGI in the Bayformers' movies, namely, their design. Well, i have to say, the design of the robots in the Bayformers movies have failed to impress me. In fact,t hey anoy the hell out of me. I can't tell if i'm seeing the head or the ass of the robots. I can't tell the facial features of the robots, which i know they have, theoretically, but i can't see them. That stupid over-busy design, with lots of, thousands of different shit happening at the same time, not only it is distracting, but prevents me to understand what i'm supposed to look at. So they can boast that they made a technically very sophisticated CGI for the robots and expect us to be impressed by it. I'm not. In fac,t i disrespect them even more. The robots design didn't need to be that complicated to work. In fact, it would better if it was less complicated. They should had been streamlined, not overly designed. i mean, imagine how much mroe time and computer time and effort they would had saved if the robots designed had been simplier? Maybe then they could actually have shown the robots more in the movie, they could actually spend more time showing them then the fucking lame human characters. They could had allowed the robots to be the maincharacters of their own movie. How about that? As for the quality of the CGI, well, at the budget this movies have, they better be good. Am i going to praise CGI in movies that had the vast budgets they had? That's par de course. What's next, i'm going to praise that the actors are well hair-dressed in amega-budget blockbuster? Nonsense! It's not lots of CGI or CGi made with lots of money thrown in that impresses me. It's the intelligent that went in using them, or in the case of the Bayshitfuckmers movies, the lack of intelligence in fucking around with them for no good reason. So no, i don't haver anything good to say about Bayshitfuckmers' movies. That's it. I'm far more imprssed with what they achieved in MOON or MOSNTERS, to tell you the truth. Shit, even the idiotic SKYLINE impressed me more.
June 28, 2011, 7:34 a.m. CST
by emeraldboy
not everyone liked moon or monsters...
June 28, 2011, 7:39 a.m. CST
ballbag, to paraphrase an american general from WWII: "NUTS"
by AsimovLives
June 28, 2011, 7:45 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Yes, and i pity the fools.
June 28, 2011, 8:04 a.m. CST
by D.Vader
I was actually more interested in your answer to my question over whether or not you ended up seeing Super 8.
June 28, 2011, 8:07 a.m. CST
Yeah MOON and MONSTERS needed more explosions and shit.
by highfunctioningsociopath
What was all that gay ass fucking libtard Mexican crap in MONSTERS? Who'd ever go there? Do they hate America or something? And I'm sure MOON was Obama's fault.
June 28, 2011, 8:10 a.m. CST
And why is cartoon Harry dressed like a terrorist?
by highfunctioningsociopath
June 28, 2011, 9:15 a.m. CST
Guess Harry is in too deep with the suits to say what other reviewers know: Rotton tomatos have it at 41% & sinking fast.
by Arkhaminmate001
June 28, 2011, 9:17 a.m. CST
Chicago Herald quote on Rotton Tomatos; 'A work of ineffable soullessness & persistant moral Idiocy.....Ouch.
by Arkhaminmate001
June 28, 2011, 9:25 a.m. CST
Don't ask me why I wrote 'rotton' instead of 'rotten' I just don't know anymore.....lol Anyhoo 'A 2 1/2 show reel for ILM & toy makers' The Mail review @ Rott'E'n Tomatos - nom nom nom.
by Arkhaminmate001
June 28, 2011, 9:28 a.m. CST
Are the mob threatening this webiste?
by Smashing
I just lost the last respect for it I had, I mean Harry come on, either someones threatening you or paying you off or you've lost all understanding of entertaining cinema. Which is it?
June 28, 2011, 9:33 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Ah OK. Well, i might see that movie next saturday.
June 28, 2011, 9:41 a.m. CST
This morning (local time) Bayshitfuckmers 3 was at 61% at rottentomatoes. Now it's at 41%. Talk about a drop!
by AsimovLives
So the morons in the audience are loving the movie. Who gives a fuck about what they think, anyway?
The Angry Mob
June 28, 2011, 10:52 a.m. CST
Capone liked Moulin Rouge..which is up there with Dogville as the silliest dogshit ever commited to film
by quantize
June 28, 2011, 10:54 a.m. CST
'This film plays so much better with an audience'...like all the dumbest propaganda
by quantize
you stop thinking for yourself and laugh with the herd..
June 28, 2011, 10:56 a.m. CST
'its funny how youre all gonna see this anyways' i'll download it and skim to the effects..i dont care enough
by quantize
June 28, 2011, 11:07 a.m. CST
35% at RT and falling ...
by highfunctioningsociopath
Phale. OK I'm taking bets now - offering 2.40 it will drop to the average Michael Bay fan's IQ.
June 28, 2011, 11:43 a.m. CST
Can't be any worse than Avatar
by THE_CHOPPAH
And the 3D looks better, imho.
June 28, 2011, 11:46 a.m. CST
by quantize: "i'll download it and skim to the effects..i dont care enough" Wise words to live by.
by AsimovLives
We are enemies, but on this we are on the same side. It takes a jerkass like Bay to unite enemies. It's like X-Men 2.
June 28, 2011, 11:47 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
The average IQ of a Gay For Bay, i mean, a Michael Bay fan? That's, like, 20, right?
June 28, 2011, 11:47 a.m. CST
The Gays For Bay have spoken. And it was hillarious, as usual.
by AsimovLives
June 28, 2011, 12:09 p.m. CST
I like TEMPLE OF DOOM because i genuinely believe it's a damn good movie.
by Mattman
I feel the same about Last Crusade. And I stand by everything I said about it being a totally different movie than Raiders. Sure, it fits better with Raiders, but that's because Temple is so batshit insane.
June 28, 2011, 12:09 p.m. CST
The above should be in quotes, but this site is fucked.
by Mattman
June 28, 2011, 12:09 p.m. CST
Ebert Says Harry is an Idiot
by jamesonian
"Michael Bay's "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" is a visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I've had at the movies." http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110628/REVIEWS/110629981
June 28, 2011, 12:10 p.m. CST
And Quantize, don't bring Moulin Rouge into this shit
by Mattman
June 28, 2011, 12:11 p.m. CST
Sounds like the ghost of Ryan Dunn took a dump in Ebert's popcorn
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 28, 2011, 12:31 p.m. CST
Roger Ebert learned a valuable lesson
by Mattman
Don't make fun of drunken rednecks that murder their friends.
June 28, 2011, 12:45 p.m. CST
Wow two reviews on the same website painfully similar
by Knightsong
It seems the consensus so far is go see it because, while there are more annoying characters, poor acting, and minimalistic plot; there's a hot girl in it and stuff blows up in 3D! You can keep it. I'll stick with a good movie like Super 8 this summer.
June 28, 2011, 12:48 p.m. CST
Hold it, Harry cried after watching Armedgeddon and Capone like Moulin Rouge?
by Stalkeye
Guys, it seems like you two would have been a perfect shoe in for last Week's Gay Pride Parade in NYC. Both of you are kindly asked to turn in your Man-Card at the door. (0:'
June 28, 2011, 12:55 p.m. CST
Why mention Moriarty in the review? That ass clown is gone.
by Bobo_Vision
June 28, 2011, 1:04 p.m. CST
Any sign of the Twins?
by Bald Evil
Not mentioned in any of the site reviews. Hopefully they are utterly expunged from the TF movies.
June 28, 2011, 1:05 p.m. CST
down to 33% on Rotten Tomatoes
by Rupee88
maybe doesn't say it all but says a lot.
June 28, 2011, 1:07 p.m. CST
Harry cried after watching Armageddon, Capone likes Moulin Rouge and Mr. Beaks got a woody from the rape scene in Irreversible?!
by THE_CHOPPAH
And I don't know which is worse.
June 28, 2011, 1:13 p.m. CST
the_choppah, it's all bad and wrong.
by AsimovLives
June 28, 2011, 1:18 p.m. CST
Fan Reaction
by Todd1700
I love how a few defenders here hold up a couple of quotes from fans as a counter to the plunging ratings of this turd fest. As if that's a defense. "How can it be that this person liked TF3 if it's truly as bad as the critics say?" Okay, I'll hazard a guess. Because being that this is the third one of these rambling, soulless, CGI piles of shit with dialog and plots that would make a 4 year old cringe, anyone that shows up with cash in hand to see this pile is a sub imbecilic moron who obviously liked the first two and whose opinions on film are therefore worthless except perhaps as a reverse barometer.
June 28, 2011, 1:20 p.m. CST
With his review for Green Lantern, Capone shot himself in the foot
by AsimovLives
In his review for GREEN LANTERN, Capone bashed and put down all the usual type of exccuses that people use to praise and handwave bad movies. The same thing that Harry, Nordling and Quint used to justify their positive reviews of Bayshitfuckmers 3. And now that Capone has to deliver his positive review as well, he must be completly at lost to what to use to say good things about the movie. Because he so completly trashed all and every bad excuses people use to juastify bad movies. He's quite in a bad position now. The only way he could save face now would be to not review BAYSHITFUCKMERS 3. Which will be quite a noticable gap at AICN since he is the resident Chicago native and Bay's latest crapfiest has a major part of it happening in Chicago itself. Or maybe Capone will pretend he never wrote his Green Lantern review and use the same crap shit he so throughly denounced in his Green Lantern review so he can write his obligatory positive Bayshitfuckmers 3 review. The big suprise would be if he will actually write a negative review.
June 28, 2011, 1:24 p.m. CST
by MoffatBabies
That gave me my biggest talkback laugh out loud in years.
June 28, 2011, 1:25 p.m. CST
Green Lantern's worst crime is it's boring
by Mattman
Did we really need 2 hours of Hal being wishy washy?
June 28, 2011, 1:31 p.m. CST
asi, I am starting to wonder if and when the bad review is coming here
by THE_CHOPPAH
Starting to get a little suspicious as well.
June 28, 2011, 1:31 p.m. CST
another crap review from a dying website...and Tarantino is over-rated...pass it on.
by reaperone
'He doesn't get respect from anyone'. 'His parents do not respect him'. 'His girlfriend, treats him like a poodle.' 'and can't get a job'. Then you say 'it's a genuine plot entanglement'. Are you reviewing the movie or, yet again, going into detail about your personal issues!! Oh yeah. That tarantino statement has nothing to do with the review...just stating facts.
June 28, 2011, 1:32 p.m. CST
another crap review from a dying website...and Tarantino is over-rated...pass it on.
by reaperone
'He doesn't get respect from anyone'. 'His parents do not respect him'. 'His girlfriend, treats him like a poodle.' 'and can't get a job'. Then you say 'it's a genuine plot entanglement'. Are you reviewing the movie or, yet again, going into detail about your personal issues!! Oh yeah. That tarantino statement has nothing to do with the review...just stating facts.
June 28, 2011, 1:37 p.m. CST
34% on rotten tomatoes now...it is going up!! Bet harry is on there trying to get some credibility back...
by reaperone
Nordling can't review a paper bag either. Get some decent content.
June 28, 2011, 1:40 p.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Now you know what i mean. Now you understand what i have been saying about AICN and Abrams Trek.
June 28, 2011, 1:41 p.m. CST
Question: Would you rather sit through Transformers 2 again...or lick Harrys hairy arse crack? Personally I'd sit through the movie again...but was wondering what the readers thought. Oh yeah...reading the feedback is the only reason to come onto this sit
by reaperone
June 28, 2011, 1:41 p.m. CST
the_choppah, do you know why Leonard nimoy voices the Sentinel robot in Bayformers 3? Well, consider the fact that he is married to Bay's cousin, Susan Bay.
by AsimovLives
It's all in the family.
June 28, 2011, 1:42 p.m. CST
...site, not sit!!
by reaperone
June 28, 2011, 2:02 p.m. CST
Harry isnt a film critic and never will be
by sunwukong86
The reason why? He clearly puts zero effort into his "reviews". He seems to just write them on the spot and press send. He just gushes over films like a teenage girl with a crush. Who said you were an expert Harry?
June 28, 2011, 2:10 p.m. CST
My thoughts from the AICN screening last night
by Terminocity
Check it out here: http://tinyurl.com/3cffbjm
June 28, 2011, 2:18 p.m. CST
I agree with Harry on this, definately better than the previous two.
by leeland
Saw it last night, still hate the comic relief but at least it was at a minimum during the battle sequences and it seemed the robot battles were the focus of the film and not the terrible comedy. This might be the first transformers movie I see twice in theaters. I am fully aware I am not the target audience for this franchise, even though I grew up watching it, but I feel Bay leaned my way a bit more on this one to give me more of what I want. Slow mow 3D exploding transformers was stellar.
June 28, 2011, 2:27 p.m. CST
Harry says 'third time a charm for Transformers!' rest of the reviewing critics say 'A pile of crap in 3D' Can't think why Harry gets behind these movies he sees for free and gets......oh now i get it.
by Arkhaminmate001
Consensus: not as bad as 2..but that's just like saying mud tastes better than shit.
June 28, 2011, 2:35 p.m. CST
Not on this planet Bub.
by Arkhaminmate001
June 28, 2011, 2:38 p.m. CST
I read harry's review for this film
by emeraldboy
and I had to laugh. really. rosie's love life has nothing to do with this film. dismissal of this review point one. harry knowles saw this film stoned. dismissal of this review point two. if this film was just about giant robots and only about giant robots and had no human actors in the movie whatsoever this movie would not sell to public. dismissal of this review point three. if you didnt like the first two movies then you didnt have to go and see them. dismissal of this review point 4. Space has always dominated hollywood. from comic books to hg welles and flash gordon conquers the martians. every single negative review of this film on this site misses the point. this film and this series are a continuation of the disaster movie genre, which was started of irwin allen. and has continued ever since. disaster movies have always been bad. they are big budget effects extravaganzas. other movies in the disaster movie genre are the die hard trilogy. why does hollywood like making these types of films, cause they are easy to make, you dont have to expend any creative juice in coming up with a story line that says alien invasion threatens to destroy planet earth. hollywood knows that it will have to cast actors. the public wont go to a film with just massive effects in them. characters are played by actors, actors rely on scripts. if this film was awful, as some of you think, would shia have said oh dear god no another shitty robotic movie. and turned it down. there was always going to be a third film and he was always going to be in it. and spielberg has long said that there are aliens out there. most americans believe in ufo's. so as long as their will disaster movies hollywood will make films like this. oh and blame irwin allen and not bay. irwin allens movies are terrible. just terrible.
June 28, 2011, 3:14 p.m. CST
There will be a 4th movie. Believe it, brothers.
by AsimovLives
June 28, 2011, 4:10 p.m. CST
emeraldboy, wtf are you talking about
by THE_CHOPPAH
that was about as coherent as Bayformers 2. What are you smoking the good shamrock?
June 28, 2011, 4:15 p.m. CST
i dont smoke the wacky backy
by emeraldboy
June 28, 2011, 4:15 p.m. CST
So...Shia plowed Megan Fox's fertile furrow while she was with that 90210 Greene guy
by Star Hump
Shia's quite the little cocksman. Harrison Ford calls him "a fucking idiot." http://tinyurl.com/3cspd79
June 28, 2011, 5:15 p.m. CST
It's over Harry
by ironicbionic
You can't conintue to hype shit and then shit on people like Nolan, not if you want continue to run a "in the know" website. This place was one great to read ... now its full of liars
June 28, 2011, 8:59 p.m. CST
Corruption vs no taste
by mascan42
Harry's reviews aren't bought and paid for. That's not the real problem. He's just lost any sense of what makes a good movie. People I know, people I trust, have seen the movie and they all say it's just as bad, if not worse than the first two. http://tinyurl.com/tf3isshit
June 28, 2011, 9:27 p.m. CST
by notcher
I still haven't heard one solid argument as to why "Star Trek" wasn't good, it's all the same bullshit and everyone who rips on it sounds like a pissed off "Star Wars" fan who's mad that the prequels blew major league ass while the other sci-fi legend kicked ass! Oh, and I don't believe for a second that the third time was the charm for Transformers. Harry just loves everything, except "Inception." UGH!!!
June 28, 2011, 10:31 p.m. CST
Good reviews required or Paramount holds out on the coke and hookers.
by highfunctioningsociopath
June 29, 2011, 1:13 a.m. CST
Maybe this franchise should have had Statham
by chien_sale
and in the third movie he transforms into a Tranformer himself and kills all the robots
June 29, 2011, 2:09 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
All the solid arguments you have not read about why Abrams Trek is the pile of shit that it is are the arguments you deliberatly chose not to read so not to ruin your precious enjoyment of a complete pile of shit movie. So there.
June 29, 2011, 2:10 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Maybe that's true with Harry, but i'm not too sure about the others. Looks like a 50/50 thing to me.
June 29, 2011, 2:12 a.m. CST
by BRUTICUS
Yes please.... or... maybe just somebody who actually knows and loves the transformers. Unlike Bay. Who took every step to remove Transformers from everything but the names it was bound to. Bay feared so much to be making a simple cartoon based / toy based movie that he stripped it of its most awesome elements. That is what is sad about these films.
June 29, 2011, 2:28 a.m. CST
@lord elric
by xoandre
I verified and was promised by the Regal Theatre manager that the bulb on the 3D projector would be fully lit. In my perspective, and I have seen avatar several times and the 3D in the control room of the corporation is astonishing - and the flight of the "dragons" in Avatar is amazing.... I would rate the use of 3D in Transformers: DOTM about Last Airbender level. yes. I loved the film. Yes, i was blown away at the action, but besides a few hints here and there, I saw no 3D effect at all. If there were no autobots or decepticons on screen, the shot was obviously in 2D. If anyone else saw 3D in those shots, I'd like to know...
June 29, 2011, 5:42 a.m. CST
Loved the first, HATED the second, just saw the third
by Xen11
and really liked it. It's a hell of a good time. There are a couple of really emotional moments that actually come off as genuine and nothing like the cheesefest that was the second movie. The whole film felt a lot more genuine. There are still a few lingering moments of jingoism that just really bugs the fucking shit out of me, BUT that wasn't anywhere near as bad as I was expecting like the hoorah-fest that was part 2. This should have been part 2. It could have been a really great movie with some tweaks, but its worthy. I wish they went all the way with that emotional moment in the climax. It was powerful and would have been more so if it didn't succumb to the bullshit that is HAPPY HOLLYWOOD ENDINGS. I will always love the first Transformers the most. This third one still had a bit of the stink of the second one because it was that much of a shitfest that it had to crawl out of, it could never fully cleanse itself, and could never be whole again, but tried hard enough to where it managed to stand proud and tall despite its handicap from the disaster of the 2nd.
June 29, 2011, 8:24 a.m. CST
How is it every critic at aicn likes this film?
by Nabster
While most critics think it's a piece of shit. Very suspicious.
June 29, 2011, 10:51 a.m. CST
look dudes I saw the first two films...
by emeraldboy
and read all the hate and while I agree the 2nd movie was terrible beyond belief. I really dont get the volcanic hate the first movie generated before it even got to the screen. would it have gotten as much hate if say cameron had directed it or someone like say tony scott. once bay's name was announced the first film became punching bag. i have seen all of bay's films at this point. whats to get so worked up about. I see his films and forget them the next day. his movies are forgettable. they are the movie equivalent of a big mac meal. if you like fine dining or posh nosh go to a fancy restaurant. if bay's career is off putting you all. then dont see his films. go online and get box sets of classic films, noir and stuff like that. and stay the hell away from bays movies if you all dislike them so much. anyway thanks to sites like this everyones a damned critic. and thanks to sites like this. its all become a bit lazy. with the exception of dark horizons. and coming attractions.
June 29, 2011, 11:30 a.m. CST
Where's the obit for Harry's integrity?
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 29, 2011, 11:43 a.m. CST
by Brandan Warden
Harry, with all due respect, what movie do you not like these days. All your reviews appear to be positive. I must question your integrity (and that is not just because we disagree on this movie as I believe this is just one of the biggest pile of shits ever put on the big screen) because it is just way too many consecutive "thumbs up" reviews to dismiss as coincidence. Are you concerned that if you speak negatively about a film you may lose your "Hollywood" status?
June 29, 2011, 12:17 p.m. CST
Harry, here's the thing I've realized
by kesoze4
You're a big dumb kid inside, like we all are, and you geek out at movies more than most people on earth. Which is great. If you weren't that way, you would have never created this site. The earth needs people as crazy-passionate as you. But while that passion may lead to big things like this site, and joining together similar geeks, and spreading of news and wants and feedback and desires, it may also hurt your reviews. Because unlike most people, you go into every single movie really, really, REALLY wanting to love it. Because you're an insane movie fan, and you want every movie to show you something you love. And that's fine too. That's fun, and that's the kind of person you want to leave a theater with, the kind who will discuss every minutiae of the movie you just saw down to the smallest detail. BUT. When you write a review, people don't want to hear "it wasn't that good... but here's the five things I managed to find that were okay!" Which is how you tend to write. You need to realize that the way you do that always makes it sound like you're trying to redeem the movie. People are just trying to decide whether they should see it for themselves. So anyway, yeah, nothing wrong with finding things in a crap movie that are worthwhile. Just try to be more clear that the movie's nonetheless still crap, hey?
June 29, 2011, 12:29 p.m. CST
Harry should change the name of this site to Ain't It Crap But I Still Liked It News
by THE_CHOPPAH
June 29, 2011, 1:25 p.m. CST
Almost all you talked about was the HUMANS
by Jonathhan Kana
which is precisely the problem with this franchise. its all about the humans. you mentioned Prime barely, then like 8 paragraphs later mention a fucking spock bot. no other bots are named. so fuck this movie and this review for what it didnt talk about -Transformers!
June 29, 2011, 2:31 p.m. CST
by kesoze4
Yeah, that about sums it up. Frankly it's a quality I'm a little jealous of. Same thing about guys who like fat chicks. Man, I wish I could pull that off. Imagine being able to just be insanely happy on top of any run-of-the-mill, acned, tubby girl with bangs. Life would be so much better... every night would be a wild party. Instead I have to have "standards", which means therefore I got nothing. And haven't seen a movie I loved in ages.
June 29, 2011, 4:02 p.m. CST
kesoze4, have you seen Mesrine yet?
by THE_CHOPPAH
It's the hot chick with bangs!
June 29, 2011, 4:24 p.m. CST
Thanks ASIMOVLIVES!!!!
by notcher
You just proved my point. I read the entire talkback when Orci was posting and I didn't read one decent argument, most of them were like the one you just wrote, "Hey Man, Star Trek blew ass, end of argument." Yeah, real good point, recess is over, go back to school bitch!
June 29, 2011, 7:43 p.m. CST
I saw it earlier today ...
by grendel san
And I liked it. Granted, there are a few issues I have with the movie, but they were minor at best. I see most of the critics blasting it, but it's a movie about giant robots. It's not supposed to be Hamlet ...
June 29, 2011, 7:48 p.m. CST
Don't you think Harry looks tired?
by in6087
June 29, 2011, 9:08 p.m. CST
Harry's full of shit, this is in the exact same league as the last two movies
by Mattman
Why you would not like those and like this is beyond me. It has some mindblowingly cool action in the last hour, but that does not excuse the barrage of absurd, obnoxious characters that Bay throws at you for the first hour and a half, or the complete lack of chemistry between Shia and underwear model.
June 29, 2011, 10:02 p.m. CST
Michael Bay: "I declare TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON to be AWESOME!!!!" (BOOOMMMMM!!!!!)
by MrMysteryGuest
June 29, 2011, 10:06 p.m. CST
They're all the same movie...
by spicy-mag.com
...with progressively bigger budgets and bigger and better eye candy on screen. Story wise, 2nd is better than the 1st, and 3rd is better than the 2nd, but for the most part they all have the same storyline and structure. Focusing on the humans was a big mistake, and the robot designs are crap. Time for a reboot.
June 29, 2011, 10:20 p.m. CST
They're all fucking terrible. I just got back from DARK OF THE MOON and it was a painful three hours.
by golden tribw
The action was numbing, and I don't mean in the good way. Boom boom boom for 90 minutes. A couple of really nice shots, good use of 3D, but OVERALL A TERRIBLE AND INSULTING MOVIE that condescends to its audience despite the fact that in THREE FUCKING HOURS it can't muster any evidence that it has two brain cells to rub together. Plot, politics, relationships, physics, simple logic, history, government disaster protocols, NOTHING IS SAFE FROM MICHAEL BAY'S EXPLODABLENDER. It all goes under the bus, and then the bus explodes, and then while exploding it morphs (ludicrously) into a 10-storey robot that fires exploding bullets from a giant exploding gun AND THEN THE WHOLE ROBOT EXPLODES TOO AND THE MOVIE'S OVER. Seriously I just don't have a coherent thought left. I feel truly dumber for having sat through DARK OF THE MOON. Even the few cool shots/scenes/stunts are completely eclipsed by the utter bollocks EXXXXXXXXXPLOOOOODING around them incessantly. Fuck Sam's parents. Fuck his mini 'urban' racist caricatures--sorry, guardian robots. Fuck his ex-girlfriend, and fuck his current one just as much. Fuck John Turturro's character, seriously fuck John Malkovich and Ken Jeong who didn't belong within a hundred miles of any part of this movie, and fuck Frances McDormand's silly character who's the head of national defence but ends up relaying barked commands from Turturro who's ... ummmm ... a former 'agent' of no particular rank. This movie is a train wreck. It didn't get written, it got blown up out of something better.
June 29, 2011, 10:38 p.m. CST
Just Came Back From Seeing TF3
by Bald Evil
I can say it was better than the first two. That's about it. And if I never have to see Rosie HW's mutant face again I'll be a happy man.
June 30, 2011, 3:38 a.m. CST
by kesoze4
No, Choppah, but I hate bangs. Is this the kind of flick that might make me realize that a movie can be so much more than a white trash haircut?
June 30, 2011, 1:27 p.m. CST
for those of you who hated the first two and saw the third
by sunwukong86
Why on earth would you go see the third one? Seriously why waste $14 on it? People like you are the reason this garbage keeps on getting made
June 30, 2011, 1:43 p.m. CST
Heres the spoiler for the Transformers : Dark of the Moon.....Up yours Harry you fat sellout douche
by Wilford_Brimleys_Diabetes_Rage
The movie opens opens 50 years ago, with voiceover describing the long, cataclysmic Cybertronian War between the Autobots and Decepticons that left the mechanical planet in ruins. A close up of Cybertron reveals multiple layers of metal plates stacked one upon another, instead of ground, with each plane saturated with a seemingly infinite number of robots in all shapes and sizes annihilating one another. In the midst of this planet-wide battle, a large starship is seen rocketing through gaps in all the metal plates, hotly pursued by twin fighters. The voiceover reveals the ship is the Autobot Ark, piloted by Sentinel Prime, the leader of the Autobots before Optimus Prime. Aubobot legend has it that Sentinel Prime made one last impossible gambit to win the Cybertronian War, by jetting the Autobots' most futuristic technology away from the battle in hopes of staging a counter attack against the Decepticons. But in this escape flight, the Ark was severely damaged and ricocheted into space, not to be heard from again. The Ark crash-lands on Earth's moon in 1961, with seemingly no survivors. Sentinel Prime locked himself into a vault on the ship, along with the Autobots' futuristic war-ending technology. NASA detects a crash of something large on the moon and immediately launches an investigation to determine what it could have been. President Kennedy ignites the space race to beat the Soviets to the moon. It's determined through the course of the movie that every US and USSR space effort between 1961 and 1972 involved recovering whatever was possible from the Ark's wreckage. Archival footage of Kennedy, Walter Cronkite, and also President Nixon is used in establishing shots showing the various US missions in the Apollo program -- and what they "really" were for. When Neil Armstrong lands on the moon and delivers his "one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind speech", people listening to the radio and watching TV believe there's a 20-something gap in the broadcast because of technical difficulties, but in reality ,NASA send Armstrong and his fellow astronaut into the Ark's wreckage for the first time, telling him that he has 20 minutes to explore it before he has to broadcast more for the American public back home. The astronauts enter the Ark and declare that everything inside is dead. They find the bodies of various Autobot robots, most still manning the gun turrets they were blasting before the ship crashed. Inside the cavernous wreck, the two humans seem tiny and begin scavenging for whatever technological bits and pieces they can take back to Earth with them. They do not discover the Ark's vault with Sentinel inside, but do find large metal faces, as they call them, which disturb NASA and necessitate the subsequent Apollo missions through 1972 to continue investigations of this crash site. The camera shows Sentinel Prime inside his vault, with just a bare flicker of blue Energon inside his eye...meaning, he is still alive, but very damaged...waiting. When the astronauts splash down in the Pacific with their haul from the moon, NASA takes special TOP SECRET silver boxes into possession containing this Cybertronian technology. Though not seen, it's implied the Soviets are doing the same thing whenever possible on their own missions...meaning Autobot technology arrived on Earth long before the events of the first Transformers film in 2007. The film picks up in present day with Sam Witcicky (Shia LaBeouf) now living in Washington, DC with a beautiful British-accented girlfriend named Carly Spencer (Rosie Huntington-Whitely). Carly bought Sam a giant plush rabbit for his luck to change in what's been a fruitless job search since his graduation from an unnamed Ivy League school. Sam can't find a job in the current economy, despite "having saved the world twice"...which is a fact no one outside the government supposedly knows, since the events of the previous two Transformers films have been exhaustively covered up by world governments. Sam is shown receiving a medal of thanks from President Obama in the Oval Office, in a rushed non-ceremony that took less than five seconds before he was shuffled off into a hallway, his proud parents Judy and Ron Witwicky (Julie White and Kevin Dunn) watching. Carly worked at the White House at the time, as a member of the British embassy assigned to a post there. Sam met Carly shortly after his medal non-ceremony, and the two bonded as Sam accidentally knocked over a historic crystal bowl that smashed in front of the two of them (causing embarrassment no doubt). Carly is now working as the curator for an extensive art and rare cars collection owned by billionaire Dylon Gould (Patrick Dempsey) and his company, which began as an accounting firm and now contains venture capital divisions too. Carly has been supporting Sam, and letting him live rent-free in the massive, ornate (but run-down) apartment in DC while he looks for jobs. Carly even gives Sam "lunch money" every day, which he resents, since in his opinion a guy who saved the world -- TWICE -- and has a presidential medal to prove it should not need to get lunch money from his girlfriend. Sam is without his friend Bumblebee since the Autobots have been deployed around the world hunting down the remaining Decepticons who still inhabit the Earth since the events of the last movie, Revenge of the Fallen. Around the world, "Energon Detectors" have been setup in all the major cities, which apparently have the ability to detect Transformers. Bumblebee is off on secret missions without Sam, and it seems the Autobots have little contact with Sam anymore...save for Wheelie (a toy truck) and Brains (a ghetto-voiced weird little robot that has white hair and never transforms) who live with Sam like pets. Sam keeps these two robots in a cage and makes them stay outside with his dog most of the time, which the two resent. We learn from the robots that Sam's last girlfriend (played by Megan Fox), was mean to them and that they're glad she's gone. This is a quick explanation why Fox is not in the movie and has been replaced by Carly (nodding to the reality that Fox alienated herself from Director Michael Bay and Producer Steven Speilberg and was not asked to return for this third film). Sam's parents, Ron and Judy, have been traveling the country in a suped-up bus with all the bells and whistles, and though they said they would be visiting him on the 21st of that month, they show up several weeks early...unannounced. They chide Sam for not having a job...and ridicule him that "his car" Bumblebee currently has a job while he doesn't. Sam tells his parents that he has many job interviews lined up, and they insist on driving him to them since his car is a piece of junk. Sam's mother has a profane way of putting things and is incredibly blunt. The two, in addition to Wheelie and Brains, are supposed to serve as comic relief interspersed throughout the film, as they believe Sam is a slacker and want to make sure he keeps ahold of his hot girlfriend Carly, since Judy especially doesn't believe Sam will "get a third one" like these in terms of girlfriend...especially without a job. While this is happening, the Autobots are off on various missions around the globe, hunting down Decepticons, and also looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction. There is a quick scene where they take down what appears to be the Iranian nuclear program, and another where the NEST agents from the previous films are working parallel to the Autobots to track other technological anomalies around the globe. In the Ukraine, there's something inside the ruins of Chernobyl that needs NEST's attention. NEST is the "international task force" that was setup in the first Transformers movie to work alongside the Autobots, and put these robots under human governmental control. Major Lennox (Josh Duhamel) is the returning NEST operative from previous films; he meets with a Ukrainian official about something alien the Soviets were monkeying with that caused the Chernobyl disaster in 1986. Lennox and his team suit up in their protective gear, since Chernobyl will be radioactive for another 20,000 years...the ruins of a merry-go-round, a school, and various Soviet monuments remain in the abandoned city. The Ukrainian official does not wear any protective gear, saying it doesn't matter because he will not live much longer anyway. He escorts Lennox and his team into a secret underground complex beneath a school in Chernobyl to show him what "really" caused the disaster there. The audience gets a glimpse of Laserbeak (now a weird vulture transformer) spying on the NEST team in the dark. It appears the Soviets recovered part of the Autobot Ark's engine, somehow, on various space missions in the late 1960s. After attempting to reverse-engineer the technology, the USSR thought it could power Chernobyl with this engine piece and attempted to bring the facility online in 1986...with the disastrous result of obliterating the city. The engine part has been sitting there since then, and the NEST team mounts an effort to remove it to Washington, DC for safekeeping. Suddely, a monstrous Decepticon drilling machine with massive tentacles bursts through the ground and attempts to steal the engine piece. Lennox and his team have to fight this beast until the Autobots arrive as reinforcements. The giant Decepticon looks like a sandworm from Dune or Beetlejuice, and has the ability to "swim" in and out of the earth, destroying buildings as it goes. Optimus Prime and a cadre of various Autobot sports cars arrive to fight this unnamed Decepticon...who ends up being just a minion of ShockWave, who maintains his iconic cyclops form from the 1980s cartoon (but oddly never transforms into anything during the movie). Shockwave is very quickly defeated as Optimus Prime uses the giant sword and axe he stores in the trailer part of his truck form to beat-up ShockWave. The Autobots recover the engine part and return to DC with NEST. Laserbeak finds the Ukrainian official that guided NEST to the engine part and assassinates him, telling the man he has outlived his usefullness to the Decepticons. Meanwhile, in Africa, Megatron has survived events from the last film and is tooling around the Serengeti as a massive Mad Max-inspired post-apocalyptic truck. His head is badly damaged and teems with robot spiders and mechanical flies. He is clearly more insane than ever, and has been gathering scrap metal to feed the collection of oddball Decepticons that remain with him (including one that's a giant head with a long metal long that dances around Megatron, for "comic relief" apparently). Soundwave is now a car-transformer of some sort, having abandoned the satellite form he took in the last film. Laserbeak arrives in Africa to report to Megatron on what happened at Chernobyl. Megatron then dispatches Laserbeack to assassinate other humans who have been helping Decepticons but are now no longer needed. Back in DC, Sam begins interviewing at various corporations, all of whom have something to do with the international relations/private-public partnerships field he got his Ivy League degree in. Because jobs are scarce and Sam has never worked anywhere before, he's not having any luck with his interviews. Many people have Googled Sam and refer to the FBI warrant that was issued for him in 2007 during the first film, which Sam has to explain as "a misunderstanding that's been expunged from his records". This is still keeping Sam from getting a job, so there's more complaint from him about having saved the world twice, without anything positive to show for it, like a job. Finally, Sam interviews with Bruce (John Malkovitch) at a global communications firm named Accuretta. This company is a tense and insane place to work, with each floor color-coded so that someone drinking a red cup on a "yellow floor" is disciplined for breaking the harmony of the office. Bruce is a real stickler for details like this, and seems like an ogre to work for. He tells Sam that he must start work in the mail room before he can do anything important, but Sam has a hard time accepting the demotion from world-saver to mail room boy. Bruce tells him that he received a letter of recommendation from someone on the Board of Directors so that Sam has a job there if he wants it. Without other prospects, Sam takes the job, but wonders who on the Board recommended him since he did not think anyone in high places was helping him find work. At the NEST headquarters in DC (hidden in what appears to be the Department of Health and Human Services), Optimus Prime is furious with the humans for not revealing the existence of the engine part recovered at Chernobyl. This is because Optimus was assured that humans had shared everything they knew about the Transformers with him. The Director of the National Security Agency, Charlotte Mearing (Frances McDormand), arrives to explain what happened and that even she was not aware of the engine piece until very recently, since it was beyond Top Secret. Buzz Aldrin makes a cameo as himself in a scene where he and other NASA officials brief Optimus on the crashed alien ship they discovered on the moon in the 1960s. Optimus realizes the ship is the Autobot Ark, containing Sentinel Prime and the technology the Autobots believe could have won them the Cybertronian Civil War if it hadn't disappeared 50 years ago. Plans are immediately launched to use the Autobots' spaceship to head to the moon and investigate the crash site to see if Sentinel Prime is still alive and if the technology is still in the vault. When the Autobots arrive, they indeed find Sentinel Prime, who appears almost dead. There are also 5 floating canisters of techonology floating around Sentinel that are brought back to Earth as well. Back at the NEST headquarters, Optimus uses the Matrox of Leadership inside his chest to revive Sentinel -- this is a small blue-energon-glowing object that Optimus can make float in the air outside his body. Exposition reveals it is the only thing in the universe that can give life to a Transformer and only Optimus has control of it. Sentinel reawakens and immediately tries to kill Optimus, thinking he was still on the Ark in the heat of battle when he was deactivated. Sentinel is voiced by Leonard Nimoy and is designed to look vaguely like him (when he does transform in this film, he takes on the shape of a fire truck). Sentinel tells Optimus and NEST that the technology he possessed were the "pillars" that would have won the Autobots the war because they are able to transport Transformers from one place to another...so Optimus deduces this could have been used to transport the Autobots from Cybertron before they were decimated, so they could have mounted a tactical retreat to regroup and take back the planet before the war was lost. Optimus is sad that he failed and the Decepticons defeated the Autobots, and offers to give up leadership to Sentinel. Sentinel however, says that he does not know enough about this world and that Optimus should remain the Autobots' leader, and that there was nothing Optimus could have done to win the war. While this reunion is happening and Sentinel is filling NEST in regarding the "pillars" and the advanced technology he designed, Sam is feeling threatened by Carly's very successful boss, Dylan Gould (Patrick Dempsey). Gould's offices are in a futuristic, gorgeous building (the location is actually the Milwaukee Museum of Art) where he keeps several gorgeous race cars in the lobby and all sorts of valuable art on the walls. There are also many photos of Gould and Carly prominently displayed, which Sam becomes very jealous of. Sam is there to pick Carly up from work as she does not have a car, but Sam's car is a broken down yellow hoopty that won't start. He's embarrassed when Gould catches him kicking his car to get the engine to work; Gould emasculates him by not only instantly fixing the engine, but also by telling Sam that HE was the Board Member of the Accuretta company that gave the job recommendation since he heard Sam was having trouble finding work. Sam thinks he should keep a closer eye on Carly since it's clear this very wealthy man Gould has designs on her. Seymour Simmons (John Turturro), the former government agent turned conspiracy buff in the last film, has written a book and is on Bill O'Reilly's FOX show talking about the danger to humanity that Decepticons pose, but O'Reilly calls him a pinhead and essentially says the Decepticons are under control. Simmons tells O'Reilly to read his book and learn that there is much that's not known about the Transformers that the government will not tell anyone about, including all manner of secret deals and assassinations and the rest of what's contained in various conspiracy books. Simmons is actually correct, because Laserbeak has been busy assassinating the humans who have been collaborating with the Decepticons. Sam begins working at Accuretta, in the mail room, and he's told that he must work there for two and a half years before he can be promoted to something more meaningful. He's dejected, but Carly comes to visit him and the whole office is impressed with his gorgeous girlfriend, including Bruce. Carly gives Sam a red cup full of red licorice as a first work day gift, even though Sam works on the "yellow floor" where only yellow cups are allowed. Because Carly is so beautiful, however, no one hassles Sam over this infraction. As Sam goes about his job, Jerry Wang (Ken Jeung from The Hangover and other movies) stalks Sam -- and it's not clear why, though it's implied Wang might have a crush on Sam. When Sam goes to the bathroom, Wang burts into the stall with Sam and the two have an uncomfortable bit where several gay jokes are made, with Wang calling himself "Deep Wang" and trying to explain he's making a 'Deep Throat" Watergate/conspiracy reference. Wang claims he has the secret intel on what the Decepticons are really up to and then drops his pants very close to Sam's face; Wang has hidden drawings and notes in a roll of papers that he kept inserted in his underwear so the Decepticons would never find it. He gives this to Sam by jamming it very close to Sam's face -- in a moment that's designed to make the audience groan and wince. Sam takes the papers from Wang, just as Bruce comes into the bathroom and notes the commotion going on in the stall. Wang then leaves the stall with his pants down and approaches Bruce and stares him down in a macho contest; normally Bruce is the alpha male in a room, but Wang clearly bests him. Sam leaves the stall also and it looks like Wang and Sam were doing something sexual in the bathroom together, but Bruce does not say anything about it. Sam then later tries to find Wang in his office to confront him about making Bruce think the two were up to something in the bathroom. Wang is having a conversation with someone, and has a computer mouse on his hand that's glowing red with nasty looking spikes. The mouse appears to be controlling him, and Wang keeps telling Sam to go away and that he doesn't know Sam. Finally, when Sam leaves, Laserbeak transforms from a computer screen and tells Wang that his usefulness has come to an end, and he must have an "accident". Wang tries to shoot Laserbeak, but Laserbeak just throws Wang and his chair out the window. Bruce is in a meeting and sees Wang fall to his death out the window, but reacts by telling everyone in the office to get back to work and ignore what's happening, since staring a the dead body will not bring Wang back to life. Bruce tells Sam he needs to remove Wang's name from his parking space and get someone to clean out his office, showing no concern for the fact that someone just died in the office. Laserbeak has now transformed into a copier/printer and is waiting for Sam to walk by so he can assassinate Sam too. Laserbeak misses Sam and there is a large fight at the office, which Sam escapes. Sam gets Carly and they try to force their way into NEST headquarters in DC at the Health and Human Services building. At first the guards give them a hard time, but Bumblebee shows up and vouches for Sam and he and Carly are allowed inside. There, Mearing is upset Sam and Carly are being allowed near all the government secrets, but Lennox says that Sam knows all about the Autobots and that Carly knows too, so they should have security clearance. Mearing sits down with Sam and Carly and tells the two of them that they can't be involved in what's going on, but Sam keeps insisting that humans are working for the Decepticons and that the whole thing is linked to Sentinel Prime somehow...that there's a big plot with Sentinel Prime being the key. Mearning interprets this to mean that the Decepticons are going to try to assassinate Sentinel Prime, and though she doesn't give Sam credit, she appears to mobilize her team to protect Sentinel. Sam then heads home, where he tries to contact Simmons to let him know the Decepticons are trying to kill him. Simmons' assistant, Alan Tudyk, won't put the call through at first, but eventually Sam talks to him and tells him about the "dark side of the moon" and the assassination conspiracy and Simmons agrees to come to Sam and help. Soon, Sam is in his apartment with Simmons and Bruce stops by because he wants to see at least one Autobot, and this was leverage Sam used to get Bruce to give him Wang's files, so they can figure out why Decepticons wanted to kill Sam, and killed Wang. Carly comes home as all these people are convened in her apartment and she's not happy. Sam gets upset that Gould has now given Carly a very expensive Mercedes car, worth over $200,000. The two of them have a little fight over this but Carly tells him not to be jealous. Carly goes upstairs while Sam and the other men there try to figure out what the Decepticons are up to since they don't believe Mearing and the government will be smart enough to stop them in time. They decide to go to follow a lead that Simmons has with former Soviet cosmonauts who defected in the 1970s and are hiding in the US, since the Soviets suddenly abandoned their space program and they need to know why. At a Russian bar somewhere, Simmons, Sam, and the other guys get into a fight with several women who work as bartenders or escorts there. Once the fighting is over, several former cosmonauts tell them that the Soviets sent an unmanned photographic robot to the moon that took pictures of strange "rock formations" that appeared to have tread marks near them. Sam realizes those were not rocks, but were instead hundreds if not thousands of "pillars". He deduces that the Decepticons knew where the Autobots' Ark was this whole time and that whatever they have been up to was NOT about finding out what was on the moon, but about keeping what was on the moon hidden. Sam figures out that all this time the Decepticons were using humans at NASA, in the Soviet space agency, and in private companies like Accuretta to prevent more space missions to the moon and to conceal the fact that the Autobot Ark was there...all the while the Decepticons had already found Sentinel Prime and the "pillar's and were up to something big and decades-in-the-planning. Sam and the other men decide to race to NEST headquarters to tell Mearing and the others there everything they've figured out. The Decepticons do try to go after Sentinel Prime, who was driving around DC as a fire truck for some reason. There is a pursuit, which Sam eventually takes part in, where three Decepticons disguised as black SUVs chase Sentinel back to NEST headquarters. Simmons is yanked out of his car and thrown onto the road, where he is crippled (he then remains in a wheelchair for the rest of the movie). One of the Decepticons looks like a panther in robot form, one looks like a werewolf, and one looks like the Predator, with dreds like that alien. There is a big fight and Sam is thrown out of Bumblebee and starts screaming, with Bumblebee catching him in the air and putting him back inside his body before transforming back into car form. This is really just an excuse to do special effects and have an action sequence here in the movie, with a lot of explosions and the chase scene back to NEST headquarters. When they get back to NEST, Sentinel Prime kills one of the Autobots who was guarding him and tells everyone that he has been working with the Decepticons the whole time. There are thousands of "pillars' hidden all around the planet, which the Decepticons plan to use to teleport Cybertron via a space bridge into Earth's atmosphere. Sentinel then admits he knew the war was lost on Cybertron so he negotiated a deal with Megatron to bring the pillars to Earth, set them up, and teleport Cybertron here so the Transformers could take all of Earth's resources and rebuild Cybertron together. This was a deal Sentinel made "to save our kind", since he saw that the Civil War between the Autobots and Decepticons had devastated Cybertron and brought them all close to destruction. A big fight ensues, with Sentinel then escaping...to presumably join the Decepticons to implement his master plan. Sam needs to find Carly, who has gone to meet with Gould at Gould's request, in his giant mansion somewhere. The car Gould gave Carly is actually Soundwave, who takes Carly prisoner so Gould can get Sam to cooperate. Gould reveals that his father was an agent of the Decepticons before him, and that the takeover of Earth has been underway for decades. Those who have been collaborating with the Decepticons have been promised a decent life once they took over. There is no way to resist them. Gould wants Sam to become a spy and find out how Optimus Prime plans on fighting back now that everything is coming out into the open. Gould says he will kill Carly if Sam does not cooperate, and also gets a wristwatch transformer to attach itself to Sam's body...which will force Sam to do what Gould wants, using great physical pain to achieve this. Meanwhile, Sentinel Prime takes to the airwaves ordering the nations of the world to expel the Autobot "rebels" from the planet or else the Decepticons will attack the main cities and kill many people. The US Congress votes quickly to boot the Autobots with the UN and other foolish bodies doing the same. The US government ends the NEST program and tells the Autobots to get on a shuttle and go to another planet. All of this happens with ridiculous speed, and Sam suddenly is in Florida where the last US space shuttle is attached to an Autobot spaceship so NASA can make sure the Autobots really leave. This ship is called the "Xanthion" and it has been built by Autobot NASCARs called "The Wreckers", who have British punk voices. Major Epps (Tyrese Gibson) from the previous movies has been in charge of getting the Autobots off the planet. Sam has an emotional moment with Optimus and Bumblebee before they board the ship to leave Earth. Once it blasts off, Starscream appears out of nowhere and attacks the shuttle, destroying it, and presumably killing everyone on board. Sam cries and Epps comforts him. The two of them decide they need to figure out where Sentinel Prime and the Decepticons have gone. Suddenly, Sam's phone rings and it's Gould, asking him what Optimus Prime told him regarding their plans to defeat the Decepticons. Sam tells him the Autobots had no plan and just left, but were then killed by Starscream. Gould then makes Sam feel worse by making it clear that Carly is his now and that Sam has to accept that. Epps realizes the NSA can track Gould's phone call, and they realize it came from within Trump Tower in Chicago...so everyone makes plans to go there. In Washington, DC, however, Sentinel Prime and Megatron meet at the Lincoln Memorial, which Megatron has repurposed for himself, smashing Lincoln out of his throne and taking it for himself. Sentinel then assembles some of the "pillars" to open a space bridge to the moon...where it is revealed many Decepticons have been hiding for 50 years. They all come through the space bridge along with giant Decepticon transport ships. Once they arrive on Earth, these robots scan various vehicles and take Earth disguises for their alternate forms...garbage trucks, police cars, fire engines, etc. The Decepticons decide to dead to Chicago to assemble the "pillars" into a giant system to teleport Cybertron to Earth...though there is no reason given why they need to do this in Chicago and not in DC, where they all are at the moment. In Chicago, Sentinel Prime takes over the Jeweler's Building on the Chicago River and makes it his headquarters. In one of the cupolas of this very ornate building, Sentinel hides the master control pillar that will activate all the other pillars around the globe that Decepticons will use to teleport Cybertron to Earth. There is a montage of Decepticons launching pillars into the air in the jungles of South America, Africa, Asia, and in cities like Tokyo. There are thousands of these pillars that will be launched into the atmosphere to make Sentinel's plan work. In Chicago, Sentinel gives the order for this all to proceed, and the Decepticons arrive in force to start shelling the various buildings of downtown Chicago, with most of the fighting taking place in the Loop and around the landmark buildings that face the river and the lake. Gould has Carly inside Trump Tower, and he explains to her that the Decepticons are going to use the 6 billion people of Earth as slaves to rebuild Cyberton with Earth's mineral resources. Gould tells her that he and the other collaborators have been helping so they can be kept as pets and not slaves, as this is the only way to survive. Gould wants Carly to be a pet with him and serve the Decepticons. Sam and Epps try to contact as many NEST members as possible and get them to Chicago. Apparently, all of these people have the ability to travel great distances in mere seconds so they all assemble on Chicago's south side and attempt to storm the city, which Decepticons have made into a fortress. The US air force is trying to shoot missiles at the Decepticons, but there are anti-aircraft hover guns that shoot these and the planes down. NEST decides to send Lennox and other operatives into Chicago via parachute, since the Decepticons apparently can't pick up these chutes on radar. While Sam and the others try to make it to Trump Tower on foot, Lennox and his team parachute in. These guys use Willis Tower (which you know as Sears Tower) as a shield and avoid various flying Decepticons as they make their way to the ground. All manner of random Decepticons are shown smashing the buildings of Chicago, with giant Decepticon troop ships flying in the air along the river randomly blowing holes in the buildings for no reason. Suddenly, all the pillars activate and Cybertron is teleported into Earth's atmosphere. Sam is now in the Loop with Epps and the others and everyone figures out that they must destroy the southeast cupola of the Jewelers' Building for the Cybertron teleportation to end. The last hour of the film deals with various attempts to do this, with Sam, Epps, Carly, and Lennox being pummeled by various random Decepticons. Ultimately, the sandworm drilling Decepticon from Chernobyl that's controlled by ShockWave arrives and destroys a glass office building that Sam and Carly were in -- for about 20 minutes the building is collapsing on itself or teetering over the river with unnamed Decepticons trying to kill Sam and Carly, while Lennox is on the ground attempting to get a clear shot of the cupola where Sentinel's control pillar is located. Finally, Sam and Carly and various NEST agents slide down the side of the building to escape Decepticons and ultimately make it onto the ground. During this fight, Laserbeak is killed when Sam and Carly jump onto a Decepticon flying gun ship and hover outside the building for a while, during which time Bumblebee cuts Laserbeak's head off. Lennox and his team climb to the top of the Tribune Tower and start shooting the eyes out of various Decepticons on the ground, who all shout "My eyes! I can't see!" as other NEST agents then plant explosives on the robots' feet to kill them. BumbleBee has been captured, and Sam and Carly are trying to find him in all the chaos of this battle. On Michigan Avenue in front of the Wrigley Building, Soundwave and Starscream decide to execute Autobot prisoners, including an Autobot inventor named Wheeljack who was made to look like Albert Einstein. Sam and Carly need to rescue BumbleBee before he is killed too, and they create a diversion as the NEST snipers shoot more Decepticon eyes out. Carly and Sam get separated again, with Carly eventually finding Megatron talking to himself in an alley while sitting on garbage dumpsters. She tells Megatron that he might be winning this battle but that in the end Sentinel Prime will be seen as the real winner, since it was his plan and when Cybertron gets there Sentinel will no longer need Megatron. This makes Megatron jealous and he storms away to kill Sentinel. Lennox and his team manage to shoot the southeastern cupola of the Jeweler's Building and disable the pillar that controls Cybertron's teleportation. When they do this, Cybertron disappears into space again. Sentinel then orders all Decepticons to fire on Autobots in the area so he can restart the teleporting. Gould gets to the pillar, which was completely undamanged, right as Sam makes it there himself. Gould and Sam fight, with Gould intending on restarting the teleportation. He pushes the button to start things up again and Cybertron appears once more above Earth, but then Sam pushes Gould into the pillar and he short-circuits it, killing Gould. Cybertron then implodes and is destroyed when all of the pillars stop operating and Earth is saved. All of a sudden, magic blue lights appear above Chicago that zap all of the Decepticon ships and many random Decepticons up into the sky so they are destroyed along with Cybertron. Possibly this is all the Decepticon forces that were teleported from the moon to Earth, and when the pillars stopped operating anything that had been teleported got destroyed because the Decepticons where were not teleported are not affected. Sentinel Prime and Optimus are having a fight on the State Street bridge over the Chicago River. They have a talk about Sentinel wanting to save their race and how the Transformers were gods on Cybertron but were treated as mere machines on Earth, and that humans should bow to them. Optimus tells Sentinel he is wrong but in the middle of the fight Megatron murders Sentinel. Then Megatron and Optimus start fighting and within a minute or two Optimus pulls out a giant axe and cuts Megatron's head off. All sorts of nasty little spiders and flies pour out. Chicago is in ruins and the Autobots and NEST agents celebrate the Decepticons being defeated. Sam and Carly hug each other, with Bumblebee watching them. Bumblebee then vomits little gears and bits of metal all over the ground, picking up a few pieces and giving them to Carly and Sam...before he starts playing wedding music. Sam tells Bumblebee to stop being so pushy and to let Carly and Sam's relationship continue without his prodding. The credits start to roll...but are then stopped with a shot of Simmons, in a wheelchair, talking to Mearing on the roof of a building somewhere, reminding her of an affair the two of them shared years ago. Mearing tells the NSA agents to arrest Simmons for disrespected her, and Simmons smiles at her, and she smiles back. The credits then continue again.
June 30, 2011, 1:43 p.m. CST
Harry Knowles talks out of his corperate sponsered ass yet again. If you cant afford to go see this crap just open your FHM centerfold then throw your toaster at the fridge 100 times while the radios real loud!!
by Arkhaminmate001
June 30, 2011, 3:03 p.m. CST
Sam Wickwicki must be hung like a horse!
by flagen2010
This movie was crap...."Megatron you you are going to be a bitch" ...."NOOOOOOOOO i am not a bitch!!!! MUST KILL!!!!!!!!!" Who the fuck wrote this ???? Retarded monkeys smoking meth? What purpose does Rosie Huntington serve in this pile of shit!!! I like eye candy as much as anyone but holy fuck she was not needed! (and neither was Fox)
June 30, 2011, 4:01 p.m. CST
by Mike
largoji said: "Ok folks.. 3D is NOT a replacement for story, plot, flow and/or character development. Never was.. never will." TOTALLY *WRONG* Yes, 3D will never be a replacement for quality, well written, well acted and well directed. THAT SAID, THIS IS A TRANSFORMERS MOVIE! These movies are about CGI SPECTACLE. These movies will never be about story, plot flow and/or character development... these movies are about watching giant robots blow shit up and if I want to watch giant robots blow shit up, I want to see it in 3D. The funny thing is that there are these elitist talkbackers who loathe Michael Bay for making Michael Bay movies that bring in huge box office numbers... these talkbackers who get all up in arms about these movies, saying how they're not doing justice to the TV show are LOSERS WHO LOVE CARTOON SHOWS ABOUT ROBOTS... I feel bad for so many of you, who are unable to go into a movie like this and just have FUN with it... please, go ahead and talk down to me for not knowing what a 'good' movie is... I'm perfectly content--as are millions of NORMAL people around the world--to go into these movies and just ALLOW MYSELF TO BE ENTERTAINED AND HAVE FUN. Bottom line is 99 percent of you are going to see this movie and then come here to bash it while I walk out of the theater glad I bought my ticket because I had FUN watching the movie... I don't go see a transformers movie to break it down and take a close look at it, and I don't go to movies thinking about all the ways I can bash it... i go to movies like this for simple escapism... I like these Transformers movies because I ACCEPT THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE while all you tools love to bash movies for what they AREN'T.
June 30, 2011, 4:07 p.m. CST
That said...
by Mike
That said, in TF2, the scene where the mom gets stoned and runs around campus is the worst thing to ever have been put on film. That scene doesn't work for ANYBODY. The kids who like the TF movies don't get it, the parents don't want their kids watching it, and the stoners hate it because pot doesn't do anything close to what the mom was doing whilst she was stoned on the pot brownie... NO ONE has any reason to like that scene, and it's nothing short of mind blowing that no one spoke up and said that the scene has no business in any kind of movie about anything.
June 30, 2011, 4:55 p.m. CST
@Hercvault completely agree
by sunwukong86
I felt this way about Green Lantern. People were complaining about everything regarding GL and couldnt just watch the movie. I enjoyed it despite its flaws, because Im a fan of the character. It seems no one can enjoy movies anymore without being cynical assholes. Why on earth would you watch a movie just to be angry at it? I wont be seeing TF3 because Im not a fan of the series or its director. Why would you waste $14 just to leave angry? It makes no sense. If its going to make you angry dont watch the damn thing. With the way the internet is these days, you can pretty much know what to expect from a movie before going to see it.
June 30, 2011, 8:19 p.m. CST
What could have made this movie really great, (MAJOR SPOILERS) change the ending
by Xen11
When BumbleBee is about to be executed in front of Sam and Sam is absolutely desperate, that was easily the best part of the movie. The power of the moment is kinda ruined by the deus-ex of bullshit happy endings. He should have been shot and killed in front of Sam. What was the point of all this? In war no one wins and there are casualties. Bumble Bee should have been dead and the Decepticons succeed in merging Cybertron to Earth. The Autobots and humans could have still defeated the Decepticons, but just have a new scenario where Earth now has to adapt to a crazy new world. Or have them all become enslaved. Just do something daring for fuck's sake. I still had a great time watching this movie and I might actually see it again. I kinda look forward to it. It's not deep, but for a Transformers sequel POST-REVENGE OF THE FALLEN, its pretty damn good. The first Transformers is a great fucking movie and that will always be the best of these films. The second is awful shit. The third is a fun time bordering on great.
June 30, 2011, 10:57 p.m. CST
by drompter
You wrote all of that from jail, right?
June 30, 2011, 11:38 p.m. CST
Literally astonished at how sh*tty this movie is.
by PeopleCallMeTheBriMan
Granted I skipped the second one, so maybe my expectations hadn't been properly lowered into the sewer. And the theater I saw it in mistakenly showed it in 2D which probably caused me to critique it as a movie and not just a 2-hour orgy for the eyes. But I have no idea how even the most awesome 3D of all time could have made this any better. It is just so, so, so, so, stupid. I couldn't keep track of the number of groan-worthy moments. This turd makes Armageddon look like Citizen Kane. I would rather sit through a 24-hour Uwe Boll marathon than suffer another viewing of this flaming pile of celluloid poo. They gave us free tickets at the exit for flubbing the 3D but I don't know that I ever want to see a movie again.
June 30, 2011, 11:45 p.m. CST
Harry is all wrong...this move is SHIT x 3
by HerbSewell
I usually agree with Harry but Transformers 3 was the biggest most painful piece of shit movie I've ever seen. Too loud, too busy, too little plot, poor robot design, Ebert hit it right in his review. God I can only hope after the first weekend this movie dies a slow painful death.
July 1, 2011, 1:38 a.m. CST
Bumblebee's near death experience
by Mattman
Was the only moment where I felt any real emotion. Perhaps it's because he's the only character in these movies that doesn't have a real voice and therefore can't make an ass of himself.
July 1, 2011, 3:57 a.m. CST
while not everyone likes big budget bang for your buck
by emeraldboy
brainless action movies. it is also true that not everyone likes smarter, classier type of film. the action crowd find smarter, classier types of films dull and boring, while the people who want classier, smarter types of films find action movies to be utterly brainless and a waste of space.
July 1, 2011, 4:06 a.m. CST
the movie season is divided in four
by emeraldboy
start of the year from jan to march there are the movies which are so bad to studios just belch them out knowing they will be forgotten. March to june this is the family film season which includes movies for kids during easter time and half term. june to september this is the summer movie season ie the big budget summer blockbusters september to december this is the final season when hollywood gears up for the awards season by prepping to release movies of which the studios will hope will do really well at the oscars in march.
July 1, 2011, 8:02 a.m. CST
I liked it. But it's not too different from the last two.
by knowthyself
Loved those little comedic robots though. They were pretty funny. "We gonna die." haha.
July 1, 2011, 8:08 a.m. CST
I kept confusing which ambiguous metal robot was sound wave?
by knowthyself
anyone else have that problem?
July 1, 2011, 9:35 a.m. CST
genderblender, you're an IDIOT
by Mike
That article genderblender posted is BAD NEWS but too many idiot talkbackers don't understand that... talkbackers would rather say, "see guys! I was right! this movie is awful!" but they don't realize that when movies like TF3, superhero movies or terminator movies TANK, GENRE movies will have a hard time getting made if genre movies--regardless of quality--don't do well in the box office. What that means is that we might not get some GREAT genre movies because studios will begin to think genre movies are no longer profitable. And wasn't this site created for the film geeks who love genre movies?
July 1, 2011, 11:53 a.m. CST
On home page, check Harrys reviews section
by leo54304
All positive. Why am I not surprised.
July 1, 2011, 12:33 p.m. CST
Wouldn't it be great to have a Big-Giant-Robot film you could believe in.
by Knuckleface
I get why people like these transformers movies. I just wish we could have a Big-Giant-Robot movie where we can actually believe that the Big-Giant-Robot is real and not just some computer-animated Wuxia-Anime bullshit. Are we so bored and jaded as a society we can't be entertained by pure innovation and imagination, without things punching each other and flying around everywhere? These transformers films have been a huge missed opportunity if you ask me.
July 1, 2011, 1:26 p.m. CST
by Mike
knuckleface-- I know EXACTLY what you're saying. Read my above post where I respond to genderblender--I want that robot movie we can believe in just as much as you do, BUT if these nonbelievable robot movies don't do well, we'll NEVER get a genre-defining robot movie done really well. That's why all these idiot talkbackers that are thrilled to see these movies do poorly (because it validates their opinion that they were right and these movies suck) have no idea what they're talking about... they want something better but the people shelling out the money for these big budget spectacles aren't going to shell out more money for a GREAT robot movie if the ones that are put in theaters don't do well.
July 1, 2011, 6:27 p.m. CST
I went and saw it tonight.......
by david starling
Caught the 08:30pm at the local Vue cinema. After a superb 10-minute prologue the movie seemed to content itself with bombarding me with scattershot moments - some awesome, some irritating, and some that didn't make any sense at all. However, come the mid-way mark, and suddenly a couple of twists kick-in, and at least one of the otherwise unnecessary characters possesses a motive. The last half is a series of bulid-ups and great action moments, and a few shocks as well. I liked the urgency of the movie, and the fact that some of it is extremely dark (no pun intended). Shocked at the fate of one of the characters - Has Bay learnt the element of surprize and making you jump? I certainly didn't see this characters demise!! It was too long again, and yep, some of the characters could be removed (Sams parents!!), but it was a heck of a lot better than Revenge of the Fallen.
July 1, 2011, 8:55 p.m. CST
Like the first movie. Hated 2. And I hate 3 even more.
by beane2099
There's about 30 minutes of awesome surrounded by 2 hours of "who cares". anyone who says that Bay got rid of the crap that bogged down ROTF clearly wasn't paying attention. That crap about Labeef looking for a job, the human Decepticon alliance, the Decepticon invasion of Chicago... none of it made a damn bit of sense. One minute the autobots are kicking ass, the next they're all prisoners with NO explanation. Megatron is chilling in Africa with the elephants apparently. John Tuturro's house boy who was some kind of secret agent turned interior decorator???? I just... you can't make this crap up folks. I'm only thankful that I paid not a cent to see this or I'd have been perturbed. That said, I imagine watching this on fast forward watching only the action scenes it's enjoyable. The 3D scenes are fantastic but by no means is that enough to make up for ... all that.
July 1, 2011, 10:15 p.m. CST
What about that?
by Howard Beale
Oh Look, There it is. What about that? Oh! Yeah! There is that as well. I like what I see. It's there. And what is this? This is THAT! Hell yes! Best THAT ever! I've never seen a better that, other than that other one! Fuck yeah! I want more of this and that and that is this of which that comes from the core of making believe that this is what it is that this is so so so. Hey! What's up? Dig it!
July 1, 2011, 10:18 p.m. CST
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you cats???
by Tru_Movie_Goer
I have been a fan of this site sense it's inception in the mid 90's because of Harry's more-often-then not spot on reviews of films, be it if I agreed with him or not. That being said, I have never felt inclined to comment on any of these boards and, to be quite honest, I rarely read what you Talkbackers have had to say about the films that are reviewed. But, after coming from seeing what I thought was a mind-blowing film today in Transformers: Dark of the Moon, I am utterly shocked and somewhat disturbed by some of the things that you all are saying not only about the lack of quality of the film, but also the sheer vitriol directed at the creator of this site, Mr. Knowles. Now, let me just make it clear that I was a HUGE fan of the original toy line of the 80's and it's accompanying cartoon (AND original ANIMATED FILM of 1986), so I am no newbie so to speak to the franchise by any means. I have also been a fan of BOTH, yes, BOTH previous live action films. The thing that I find amazing is that for a series of films that, in my opinion, accomplish the goal of being sheer entertainment, you all seem to take it to task as if were dealing with something on a Shakespearean level. Ok, granted there were some plot holes here and there, but, uh, so. It's a Transformers film. Why can't you all just take it for what it is and have fun with it?? Jesus, it's like some of you are some incredibly miserable with the world that you have to vent all of your frustration on a damn movie review. Now let's think about that for one second. This is someone else's opinion that many of you are getting so bent out of shape about. Come on man, really?? IT'S A FUCKING MOVIE. And if you all weren't so hypercritical of the most trivial shit in the movie, you may have actually enjoyed it. I mean, who nitpicks the most miniscule plot points of a summer blockbuster about giant, transforming fucking robots in the first place? I don't profess to be some great film conneusuier, but I do know when I am entertained and this film was entertaining. POINT. BLANK. PERIOD. Why you all complain about the humor of these films I will never know. The shit is funny to me. Though, being a black man, I found some of the racial stereotypes of the 2nd film a little off-putting, it still didn't take away from the overall quality of the film. I mean the humor between Sam and his parents is always on point. Shia's interactions with everyone in a snarky/sarcastic/smug manner is always funny. Ken Jeong was hilarious in the film and the office reaction after his "suicide" was spot on. I mean, I could go on and on about the humor that you all seem to have taken issue with, but something tells me that you have to be in touch with a certain level of "cool" to get what the writers were doing throughout ALL these films as far as the humor goes. Finally, though there are MANY other things I would like to say concerning you guy's thrashing of this film, I'm really trying to be brief. How many of you saw this shit the way I saw it? The way Michael Bay MEANT for it to be seen?? On the largest screen, with the loudest sound in IMAX 3D? Because, if you saw it the my lady and I saw it today, there is NO WAY IN HELL you all would be so negative about this movie. Some of the shit that was happening on screen made me look around the audience wondering who else was in as much awe as I was at the shit that I was seeing unfold on screen. GOD DAMN. And I'm an avid movie-goer, so, I make it something of a duty of mine to see EVERY blockbuster that comes out and this by far makes everything else that has been released this summer look like B-movies. So, in closing, I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, and that's all well and good. But at least try and be open minded when discussing a film in a forun such as this. And, for god's sake, more importantly than anything, SEE THE FILM THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE SEEN BEFORE YOU FORM A FINAL OPINION. Peace...
July 1, 2011, 10:22 p.m. CST
by Tru_Movie_Goer
July 1, 2011, 10:24 p.m. CST
by Tru_Movie_Goer
I'm really begining to think that most of you haven't seen this film and are just quoting what other negative reviews have been saying on Rottentomatoes.com. This shit is getting entirely out of hand.
July 1, 2011, 10:27 p.m. CST
Well said...
by Tru_Movie_Goer
July 2, 2011, 4:02 a.m. CST
Cybertron destroyed is a happy ending?
by Relugus
The action sequences are good, yep, some of them are pretty spectacular, if a little too cluttered. Well done on that. A fairly coherent plot, but the king of Transformers stories, Target: 2006, would not even wipe its arse with Dark of the Moon. Simon Furman and Nick Roche piss on Spielberg and Bay from an absolutely tremendous height. I think maybe Americans should be banned from writing Transformers scripts given most of the best Transformers stories were almost exclusively written by Brits and Irish. The Ending is truly WTF, no wonder Bay wraps it up so fast, before people start saying "Hey, hang on a minute..." Cybertron is destroyed, and apparently that's a happy ending, according to Bay. Bumblebee wouldn't be dropping hints about weddings, he'd be fucking weeping over the demise of his homeworld. But in the Bayverse only Earth (i.e America) matters. Where was Mirage? Surely the storyline made the shifty homesick snob the perfect dramatic fit? Where was Shockwave? Oh, you mean that was meant to be Shockwave? We were all hoping for the Marvel comics Shockwave, but we got this pathetic piece of shit who's somehow even gayer than cartoon Shockwave. This Shockwave was utterly...illogical. Starscream is totally loyal to Megatron? WTF? Shockwave is loyal to Megatron? WTF? Instead of Wheeljack we get some stupid Einstein lookalike. Why? Apparently Hollywood thinks the only way we can know a character is smart is by giving them an Einstein face. We get the made-up, boring Dreads when Runamuck and Runabout would have been much more fun. Another thing is the Transformers voices, they sound so fucking generic and soulless, mostly typical stock Hollywood robot voices. Bay is clearly not interested in giving them personalities. How do you make a great Transformers movie? Simple; you follow the Marvel/IDW comics rather than the cartoon, you use the cartoon as inspiration for the voices, and you treat the robots the same way you would human characters.
July 2, 2011, 9:47 a.m. CST
Only a Fifth of Cybertron was Destroyed
by Autodidact
It's pretty consistent with the cartoon etc. where Cybertron is usually shown half-constructed or with giant pits from huge explosions and such. The other 4/5 of the planet are still floating around whereever Cybertron is usually located. Not to defend the movie but Cybertron wasn't destroyed at the end..
July 2, 2011, 2:42 p.m. CST
Left the cinema with a headache after seein this
by donchild
The final 50 minutes or so was the cinematic equivolent of a large group of hyper toddlers banging pots and pans incessantly. Between that and the really misguided attempts at humour, the non existant story, terrible acting, the waste of the likes of John Malkovich & Frances McDormand, the constant leering carmera shots and....anyway, 200 million on this in a world full of starvin kids! enough!
July 3, 2011, 7:29 p.m. CST
Saw it. And my heart is full of...IRONy.
by _Lizarkeo
Feel cheated about the "best 3D since Avatar", but not about the new gal. Hot and british, a winner on my book (so I will be in heaven watching Cap America, hell yeah). About the rest, not bad not bad, but I liked the last one better (the parents were funnier and I am tired of alien invasion on the big screen. I hope I won't see another one in the Avengers, Marvel!) And I had seen better. Friendship between a guy and a robot? Last episode of Futurama (Ghost in the Machine). More emotional soldiers' heroism in an alien invasion? Battle L.A. Unexpected FUBAR ending in an alien invasion? Skyline. Best mass slaughtering of Chicago good people in a movie for kids? Err, pass. John Malkovich playing with a giant robot, like with a kitten? Ok, nope. The hero stone-cold exploding the head of his defeated former nemesis, who just saved his ass? Waitta minute, heh. Anyway, I had enough for a lifetime. How about Spielberg producing/giving money to Terry Gilliam now?? Defective Detective FTW!! <p> BTW. Days ago, I opened the newspaper (here in Brazil) and saw a quote from Harry above the TF3 poster (and only his quote)... Well, I just have one thing to say: "Damn you, you Marketing people, just leave the geeks alone..." :-)<p>Cheers.
July 3, 2011, 9:08 p.m. CST
by trojanwilliams
I'm disappointed by the lot of you. Transformers 3 was a painful, wasteful, piece of cinematic garbage. How could you give this mess a good review? You are bought and paid for and your defense is weak at best. You want a film that portrays Chicago well that you could give a good review to? It's called The Dark Knight. The good reviews given to this film on this site are saddening and pathetic.
July 4, 2011, 1:24 a.m. CST
How exactly is this better than the last one?
by Transhuman
July 4, 2011, 9:53 a.m. CST
I used to think
by Killdozers Evil Twin Brother
that Transformers 2 was the perfect movie to steal on digital networks. Now it's obvious that THIS is the perfect movie to steal. Bay could use a deep cut in revenue. For the kids.
July 4, 2011, 1:15 p.m. CST
Saw this last night...
by wacko3205
Okay boys & girls, women & men... I saw Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon last night with my brother, his son, & my 7 year old daughter (all of whom enjoyed the previous films) & we were all ready to walk out fifteen minutes after the moon landing. I kid you not...Michael Bay is a farce. Just ask my seven year old. When a 5 year old boy hates a movie about giant robots & a seven year old girl says that the story is too stupid to understand...its time for Bay to hang it up. This movie is actually the first movie that I found truly unbearable...& I've seen some stinkers. The pacing is pitiful & the plot...pretty much pointlessly ignored to fruition...I was thoroughly disappointed. This had the promise of being so so great. What the hell did they do to Shockwave?!?! I mean...I know that he can't be a massive purple ray-gun of awesomeness...but the bot was an almost unbeatable force for the Autobots...here he's reduced to a worm-hearding bit player. Don't even get me started on what they did with Megatron & the burlap sack he's now sporting. The Sam Whitwicky shit is done to death. The Victoria Secret shots are annoying as piss...& there's no way in hell that chick coulda made it ten feet in all that rubble wearing heels. Why don't they just dump all the humans & make a full on Transformers film that is based on just that...Transformers.
July 4, 2011, 5:12 p.m. CST
With all the big budget spectacle at screen, why did I sit there the whole running time thinking about what I did that day at work?
by ChickenStu
Fuck this movie. Shit.
July 4, 2011, 5:54 p.m. CST
Holy Shit its made half a billion in a week... wtf...
by pax256
I lost 20 IQ points watching the first 2 and now I think humanity is doomed. It looks like most humans will be seeing this flick at this rate or a large minority of humans are seeing it repeatedly. They will keep making sequels to this crap for decades now. Cripes it could double Titanic or Avatar's BO take at this rate by end of the month.
July 5, 2011, 12:27 a.m. CST
transformers.....Transformers........FUCKING TRANSFORMERS!!
by MJM
These mother fucking movies should have been about .....................TRANSFORMERS...........not about a bunch of douche bag humans figuring out everything and then the TRANFORMERS come in for a cameo every twenty minutes or so. Where the hell does Prime always disappear to in these movies? I thought it would be different third time around BUT NOPE same shit, just another movie of humans who over act in every scene and every once and a while you get to see a transformer.
July 5, 2011, 5:08 p.m. CST
Holy Suck
by dr_pepper
I just got back from seeing this. I'm so disappointed and my brain hurts so much I have not read through this thread. In a statement - This movie sucks big time. I'll rant here a bit but where's the continuity??? Other than Megatron with his head half blown away, there is no rhyme nor reason to this third movie. And on that note - why is Starscream all patched up while Megatron is falling apart. In general there were far too many "conveniences" for this movie to have any logical flow. I mean someones thinking "we need to have Sam and a small group of humans battle with the D's for a while - I got it, lets tie Optimus up in some cables for a while". WTF!! Apparently Optimus is such a bad ass he can take out Megatron with one arm, but some cables from a crane side rail him for a majority of the last battle. Oh and that band of Autobots that stated "we'll kill them all". Ya after 2 minutes off screen they managed to get themselves all caught and rounded up by 3 or 4 D's. While the action in the first movie was limited it "flowed" and made sense. In Dark Side it just jumps all over the place. Oh and lets off Iron Hide without so much as a comment from Prime or B or bloody anyone. And what was that kick ass weapon Primus used that turned him to rust. Better yet, why not use it on Optimus or Megatron while he's wiping the bridge deck with you. Sams parents - ya lets have them show up for some comic relief and then they vanish to thin air. Who were the crappy Autobots they added to the line up. I did not recognize them. What happened to the others from the 2nd installment. Suddenly there are only 8 Autobots left on the planet. Last I looked they kicked ass in episode 2 and episode 3 itself states "its a period of calm in the war" or some BS like that. So what happened to the two goofy guys from episode 2. I mean not that I liked them, but again where's the continuity and flow. The first 15 minutes of the movie were fabulous. The setup of the story was great and then it just freaking tanked big time. I could go on and on, but these characters, this Universe was completely destroyed by Bay in the 3rd movie. Can someone hit the reset switch please. If you've got money to waste - go see it in the theater.
July 5, 2011, 6:34 p.m. CST
How to make DotM better
by Relugus
You have failed, Megatron, you have failed to understand that clarity of thought must always come before rashness of action.
July 5, 2011, 6:37 p.m. CST
How to make DotM better
by Relugus
Have Sentinel and Shockwave be the teamed-up villains. Megatron the outsted and humbled outsider, with only Soundwave and Lazerbeak as his allies. Starscream serving Shockwave but looking to play both leaders against each other. The end battle is Sentinel v Optimus and Shockwave v Megatron. Starscream killed by Megatron. Optimus reacting to Ironhide's death.
July 5, 2011, 8:08 p.m. CST
MARVEL should be making Transformers movies
by Relugus
They pretty much created the Transformers characters and the vast majority of the mythology.
July 5, 2011, 8:10 p.m. CST
saw TF3
by justmyluck
If Bay slowed his cutting down (by 5%?) I didn't notice it, and my eyes ached for hours. TF3 was better than TF 1 & 2, but only marginally. I don't know why people had their jaws dropping in some reviews - there was an impressive sequence with the wing-men, and the glass skyscraper toppling over while the cast slid down, which were both in the trailers and featurettes, but otherwise I was checking my watch. Let me just get the good stuff out of the way: - I saw it in IMAX 3D to avoid any issues with a 'non-Platinum' print, and there were no brightness issues and TF3 had a confident, punchy and dynamic use of 3D throughout. - Like 'dr_pepper' above said, the opening stuff was fine: an long, elaborate CGI shot of the Cybertron war, followed by the film editors patching together an alternate take of the moon missions with restored vintage NASA footage (with the solemn Jablonsky underscore - NASA is very serious, and desired for these productions, after all!). I got to see the MI:4 trailer with the Burj Khalifa shots, which were filmed in full-height IMAX, which blew away EVERYTHING that followed in TF3. Definitely checking out MI:4 in IMAX. So, the crap summary: - Ken Jeong. Asian stereotype of the year? Century? Big glasses and twitching lips, anyone? TF2 had the stereotypical Indian phone operator blocking an urgent call, so I wasn't surprised. TF1 also had a line about Iranians not being smart enough to create Transformers technology. This is upped in TF3 with an Autobot strike on an "illegal nuke site" in Iran. What does "illegal" mean...unregulated? No, no, no! It's Israel with the unregulated sites and Iran with the regulated one. Don't worry Bay, Spielberg and Paramount, I'm sure lots of teen viewers enlist for an Iran attack (if they can stay awake through TF3)! http://www.google.com/search?q=transformers+iranians+not+smart+enough - John Malkovich seeking out an Autobot so he can challenge it to a bout of Karate. Yes, you read that right. Was there a reviewer embargo on this scene? Would ANYONE buy a ticket to a movie where YOUR BRAIN SHUTS DOWN, as Malkovich tries Karate against Bumblebee, then ends up on the floor being 'tickled' by Bumblebee's gun-barrel? This was TF3's jaw-dropper. - As Beaks stated in his review, TF3 is NOT a movie for kids. Kids see this kind of violence in video games, sure, but here Sam's mother pulls out a sex self-help book with a pomegranate and banana on the cover. Preceded by the "wonderful box" comment near Ms. Victoria's Secret. Yep, Bay topped Devastator's clanging balls on the Pyramid. - The stupid, un-funny robot sidekicks are back, just smaller. At least they died in battle. - Busy, busy, busy VFX and explosions and crashes where so much is happening on the screen you have no idea where to look. This is what most likely created the lasting eye ache. I saw this movie for the VFX, but they were so difficult to read with un-skilled composition and Bay's trademark layers of action everywhere. It was like watching ILM and Digital Domain slumming it at some automotive garage. - A bit where Sam is fitted with a Decepticon wristwatch which seems to have no plot purpose besides making him do stupid, un-funny bits with his right hand. - Supporting actors behaving like buffoons. Unless they're military characters, and Bay needs to fluff the DOD to get his production toys, so they're never humiliated. - Did I mention un-funny? There are many attempts at humor, but no-one laughed. My IMAX screening had less than 30 people, so maybe you need a crowd of 400 to get the 2% median of people who crave Michael Bay humor. - SPOLIER! SPOILER!! The plot involves Decepticon machines, who somehow flew to the moon and buried themselves underground with teleportation devices that only Sentinel Prime can operate, awaiting Optimus Prime to revive Sentinel so they can teleport Cybertron to Eath, using humans as slave labor to rebuild it. Now, how in the hell did they know Optimus was on Earth in 1968, when the Autobots arrived in 2007? Yes, Megatron was frozed on Earth in search of the 'Spark' but hell-fucking-o??? Weeooo? Anybody home in the script department? What an unpleasant movie-going experience. I hope everyone involved enjoys the cash!
July 5, 2011, 11:16 p.m. CST
you thought this was good ??????????
by PRESIDENT BALTAR
July 6, 2011, 10:12 a.m. CST
If I was a movie director and Michael Bay was running the effects department, that would be great.
by JDanielP
But keep those mitts off the story & script!!!
July 6, 2011, 10:20 a.m. CST
In fact, Micahel Bay shouldn't be directing. He should only leading visual/special effects.
by JDanielP
I wish he was working for Christopher Nolan and on THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. But keep that dog chained to a tree!
July 6, 2011, 5:08 p.m. CST
by dengreg31
Sorry, just got back from seeing it and that is NOT a great film, a good film, or an okay film. It's kinda sucky. Sure the effects at times are amazing, but wow... the actors are insufferably bad.. Bay needs to be stopped... Unfortunately its not the worst action film this summer because I then walked into a showing of Green Lantern. My eyes are still bleeding..
July 6, 2011, 6:43 p.m. CST
Of course he thought it was good
by lock67ca
Money talks. They don't even need to try and hide it any more.
July 6, 2011, 7:01 p.m. CST
What a mess *SPOILERS*
by chronicallydepressedlemming
1. Ironhide dies and no one gives a shit, most importantly, Optimus never get's to give a shit about his best friend dying. 2. The frankly weird off-the-wall comedy shit which peaks in whatthefuckery with John Malkovich. 3. Shockwave. Is he the worm-thing? Is he the one-eyed Decepticon that seems autonomous that comes out of the worm? That's the audience's problem, apparently. 4. The two pint-sized comic relief robots. Didn't hate them as much as the twins from ROTF, half of the reason they appear shit is because they spend alot of time in the nonsense human-interaction scenes. Still felt cheated that they DIE with no kind of acknowledgement at all after actually doing something useful. 5. Bringing Cybertron to Earth. It makes no fucking sense at all. If they want to be on Cybertron so bad, they could use the damn 'space bridge' Surely? I know this is fantasy flick and all, but even primary school kids would have some issues with two planets (one being the size of fucking jupiter it seems) co-existing one on top of the other. 6. Where the fuck were those Decepticons that came through the space bridge? Hiding on the moon the whole time? Why? We've already seen casual interplanetary travel by Decepticons in ROTF, not to mention that all the Transformers arrived here in giant metal balls when sent a fucking bat-signal in the first movie. 7. Optimus Prime being a cold-blooded killer. What the FUCK was that at the end?? Taking out Sentinel And Megatron in the most cowardly bitch way possible. It's Optimus Prime! He's meant to be the epitome of moral fibre! 8. There is some seriously sick dark shit in this film that MB seems to creep over you if you aren't paying attention. One of the biggest laughs is a man falling to his death. We see Transformers pleading for their life before being executed. We see Shia LeBeouf acting like a fucking nutcase the entire time just because he's not killing stuff on a daily basis, and being ungrateful as hell to boot (with his girlfriend and with Tyrese's character in a single pointless exchange that made me want to fucking kill him). 9. Optimus can suddenly fly. Ok, I put two and two together and assumed it had something to do with his trailer, but you never see this. 10. More Shockwave complaints: First of all, why was the worm-thing hiding in Chernobyl? Where the hell was he in the first movie? He's insanely powerful. And finally, if Shockwave is the one-eyed thing - He did nothing. NOTHING. we got several scenes of him looking badass and then he gets his eye ripped out.
July 6, 2011, 8:33 p.m. CST
by Relugus
Really should have been the co-conspirator, not Megatron. Its almost like Bay taunts fans by putting a hugely popular Transformer (and one considered by many fans to be a far more credible villain than Megatron) in his movie, then shafts them by giving them a pathetic character who looks like Shockwave but has none of the personality, certainly there is nothing of the classic Marvel comics Shockwave; a cold, calculating schemer driven by logic. Bay's Shockwave is utterly illogical.
July 7, 2011, 7:18 a.m. CST
Not sure what to think of the reviewers here after seeing this...
by RabidDogma
Relugus' original rather long post summed up many of my complaints with this movie, but I have to give my own few main criticisms. Too many plot holes to count - from the large ones (where were the tunnelworm robot, Shockwave, and Patrick Dempsey during the first two movies, and how does CYBERTRON being within range of Earth's atmosphere not RIP THE PLANET APART?) to the smaller ones (catching a falling woman at high velocity without even a sign of strain?) to the completely bullshit (the Autobots abandon their ultimately important element of surprise, so that SAM CAN SAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND...you know, the one that's with the Decepticon collaborator, practically ensuring that at the very least she wouldn't be, you know, DEAD?). Characterization - same as always with Bay. Why make us care about the human and robot characters through high quality performances *and* quality scriptwriting? Just throw some toilet humor and explosions in there and it's a done deal! The few characters I sympathized with were Sentinel (though even with Nimoy at the helm, his supremely flawed logic made little sense even in a Bay TF film - "I decided to abandon the Autobots! You guys seem to have the upper hand now and doing well, but FUCK THAT! DECEPTICONS! FUCK YOU, Ironhide!"), Optimus (Peter Cullen takes what little he had and MAKES you care about him), and Bumblebee (mostly because of past love for the character...and as someone else said, no voice [despite having it at the end of the first film] means less chance of racist and childish jokes plopping out). The only human I liked was Alan Tudyk's character, and that's because he was SOMEHOW allowed to let his talent shine through, unlike Turturro, Malkovich, and McDormand. Unnecessary frat humor - believe it or not, stupid people like good movies, too. I've rarely come across a person who doesn't like The Godfather, 2. It's an accessible AND brilliant movie, and it didn't need embarrassing "Mom's talking about sex, and vaginas!!!" humor. Ken Jeong should be ashamed of himself, as should the previously mentioned brilliant but paycheck-hungry actors. That's it for that. I'll put the rest in a much shorter post. Sorry for the length, feel free to TL;DR.
July 7, 2011, 7:28 a.m. CST
u haters are still funny
by ihatefanboys
so a reviewer on a site run by fans of movies, NOT professional movie reviewers, just plain ol joes like me or u that got together and started their own site for fans of movies to come together to talk about movies, so he cant like a movie because it was enjoyable ? why ? because the opinion doesnt agree with YOU LOSERS that post here every day because youre, well, LOSERS. Then you take offense to being called "bitches" and think its "unprofessional" ? well i think its "rude and obnoxious" to think that just because you have a forum to air your idiotic opinions and comments that u are somewhat better than the owner of this forum...and u dare to compare it to a business ?? did u pay to gain access to this forum ?? there is no service being provided here , except these peoples opinions on the movies they see. so how are you LOSERS this site's "bread and butter" ?? youre not, and he has a right to call you "bitches" and "whiners" and "gay motherfuckers"......and u can goto another site where they deal with LOSERS like u. They liked the movie, they dont have to agree with the majority, get over it......and for the love of god, would u undereducated morons look up the definition of DIRECTOR...if you had a prob with the script, blame ehren krueger, he wrote it.......and fact check ......roberto orci has taken credit, multiple times, that devastators balls was his doing....so get your facts straight ok.......and how was ken jeongs character stereotypical....that was the most un-asian character ive ever seen......he was a tense little man with knowledge of the decepticons plans and knows who Sam is.......he didnt bow, or offer to cook some pork fried rice, and he didnt demonstrate super intelligence, so i dunno what u losers were talking about.....shockwave was a minor character, he was touted as the bad guy so the revelation of sentinel being the real bad guy would be more shocking.....as for the storyline, fans of the original series know that two parts of the movie were direct homages to G1 stories.......first, bringing cybertron into earths orbit, second, the autobots being exiled from earth and their ship being destroyed was in another classic episode, even the decepticons working with humans.....for a 40yr old fan of the original series, this movie was awesome....its our opinion, its a matter of taste, and we approve, if u haters dont like it, you dont have to, so please STFU before the OWNERS of this site delete and block you for being a grown baby... thanks !
July 7, 2011, 7:33 a.m. CST
What are you guys thinking??
by RabidDogma
I just don't get what the FUCK the reviewers here were thinking. I don't necessarily think that they're "paid off," for reasons put very well by the podcast TalkRadar (a videogame podcast) in the past - why risk your entire career credibility for one good review? Why risk it every time, and have people see your review, see the movie, and then see the truth? Over time, they'd see your deception. The problem is that this is the pattern I've seen from Harry. The man no longer has any credibility. The glowing reviews that he has given to utter garbage amaze me. Crystal Skull? I actually went to see that in theaters, THEN read his review, and my mind was made up. I know I individually don't matter to any reviewer on here, but whether or not someone is "on a payroll," consistently bad (as in illogical) reviews damage your reputation. The only thing that I can think of to explain this is...maybe they have been soooo beaten down by the first two movies, that this one (which IS much better BY COMPARISON, and is NOT saying much to the actual quality of the film) won them over through sheer attrition. Maybe the fact that they saw a TOLERABLE Transformers movie suddenly made this seem like GOLD, instead of the still-incredibly-flawed film that it is. It IS still an INCREDIBLY flawed film. Shockwave was ineffectual, except in his ability to summon sandworms. Optimus cannot withstand the fury of crane cables. The laws of physics (even in the context of the films) is routinely ignored - "Planet-suddenly-emerging-into-our-atmosphere-that-should-be-wrecking-our-gravitational-field? What planet-suddenly-emerging-into-our-atmosphere-that-should-be-wrecking-our-gravitational-field? I'm sure we'll be fine with that gigantic mass suddenly appearing in our ionosphere." There were some scenes that I genuinely enjoyed. A lot. Being a sucker for emotional scenes, the utter lack of them throughout the rest of the movie made the few that were there enjoyable - Bumblebee executing his would-be executioners, and Optimus being pushed to the point where he had no choice but to MURDER Megatron and Sentinel. Nimoy's frantic plea made that so much the better. Those scenes that I enjoyed were not balanced out by the mediocrity of the rest of the film. Why is it that elements of a film that would DESTROY a critic's opinion of a film in a dramatic, more respected genre are blatantly overlooked in others? Is Ain't It Cool really saying "well, it's okay, because THESE types of movies don't MATTER as much!"? I'd like to think that we'll get to the point where we can make a Transformers movie that lives up to the better comics series, or even the animated ones. Comics have examples of works that are almost universally respected, as does animation. The problem is in somehow getting filmmakers to SEE that small truth and be willing to translate something from a comic or animation into a movie, and maintain what makes it truly great. It's not going to change until we maintain the same standards for all movies, and if I'm going to accept the AICN reviewers' reviews of THIS movie, I can only conclude that they DON'T.
July 7, 2011, 7:34 a.m. CST
"Shorter" post??
by RabidDogma
And somehow my shorter post was easily longer than the first. Fuck me running. I'd like for one of the reviewers to respond to those posts, but seeing as how this Talkback is quickly becoming old news, I'm not holding my breath.
July 7, 2011, 5:53 p.m. CST
by ihatefanboys
i dont understand how liking the movie = a bad review, or damaging to reputation.....so simply because he liked a movie u disliked its a bad review ????? get over your loser self....i love crystal skull too, am i dumb too ? i loved ID4, armageddon, etc... what the losers posting here telling all the AICN reviewers that they were "paid off" or giving a "bad review" fail to understand is that its not their job to please the masses, they like it or they hate it....what you random people posting doesnt matter, get it ?? if you dont like the reviews here, youre free to go somewhere else. the reviewers here destroyed revenge of the fallen and somehow u think they give a pass to dark of the moon out of pity, for throwing them a bone, or getting paid off ?? face facts, the transformers franchise is stronger than ever thanks to Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg, they made transformers into something it never could have been before, a worldwide phenomenon....don murphy already said there will be no reboot, only a new trilogy....so there will be much more transfomers to come......as for cybertron in earth orbit, it wasnt completely there yet, im sure if it totally materialized it would have affected the earth just like in the original episode from G1......
July 7, 2011, 6:04 p.m. CST
by ihatefanboys
say it with me .....DIRECTOR........now say SCREENWRITER......they sound different dont they ? well the definitions are different too, maybe instead of posting here u should open up a dictionary once in a while. the director doesnt write the movie, unless of course the director wrote the movie...... any qualms u may have with the script should be directed to ehren krueger.... i have no qualms, it was an awesome movie, that incorporated so much lore from G1 and two seperate storylines from G1, it was amazing to see it go down....both cybertron being drawn into earths orbit and the autobots being exiled from earth were elements from G1.....the matrix of leadership in primes chest was from G1...etc, etc, people like u that cant stop posting bulleted points about what YOU thought was wrong need to get lives, there is no dramatic element to transformers, never was, even the original cartoon made little to no sense, and lets not even get started with the mess that the cartoon movie was, it had silly humor and just about everyting u list bad with bays version......the only thing saving it was the superior animation for the time......go watch the godfather and imagine how silly transformers would be if it was made like that...then smack yourself in your fat, single, loser , face and realize how dumb u are .
July 7, 2011, 11:52 p.m. CST
Transformers 4 to kick start new trilogy
by Xen11
The world weeps and throws its money at them to plead with them to stop. Just take the money and let us go. A producer says that there will likely be more sequels and not a reboot. He even goes on to diss Tobey Maguire for being a greedy grown up. You heard it here first by me, your number one source for breaking stories, in the AICN Talkback - "Fair And Balanced". And I mean that, because there's no censorship. No censorship means freedom of speech. I love that there are no edit buttons because people would be taking back their word every time. This way you think before you post and know that what you say matters because it stays, flaws and all.
July 7, 2011, 11:55 p.m. CST
News link TF$
by Xen11
July 8, 2011, 7:49 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
Keep chosing the posts that doesn't matter so you can have your bullshit notion upholded. You are like a creationist, you only nitpick the stuff you think it will support the nonsense you chose to believe, and disregard all else. You are not fooling anybody, fool.
July 8, 2011, 9:41 a.m. CST
by AsimovLives
If this TRANSFORMERS movies are about GCI spectacle, then why the fuck they spend 2 hours of it's 2 hours and 30 minutes of running time with the fucking humans?
July 8, 2011, 1:57 p.m. CST
Look out Bayformers, you're about to get pwned by a kid with a magic wand! Harry Potter is going to turn Optimus into a rusty bean can at the box office!!! lol
by Arkhaminmate001
July 8, 2011, 3:23 p.m. CST
by redkamel
This is one I can't wait to be rebooted. And although I am not a JJ Abrams fan, I feel like TF would be a good fit for him. It would be awesome if he did it set in the 70's like Super 8.
July 8, 2011, 11:14 p.m. CST
Bring back Megan
by LordJiggy
The Model was torture. Her lips had been done, and after three hours of being randomly exposed to her and the surgical-lips, she started to look like a male transvestite. Definitely better than the second film (faint praise = damning), but Megan Fox, while smokin' hot, seemed like a real person you might possibly meet in the world, unlike the Model.
July 9, 2011, 12:30 p.m. CST
Re : asimovlives
by Real Deal
Well back with your anti Abrams rhetoric again? By the way Willis may have made a bunch of comedies early on that flopped but " Moonlighting " was hardly a flop ( eyes roll back examining the top of my head ). Can't you get anything right? Oh! By the way " Tree of Life " sounds like a great movie and the way people are talking about it I doubt it will be forgotten so easily. Oh! This will make you happy. Since I wasn't a child of the 80's ( try the 60's ) I haven't been able to view a Transformers movie since the first one which bored me to tears but I could see how some might like it.
July 9, 2011, 7:46 p.m. CST
Well, it sure wasn't great...
by thebearovingian
A horribly bloated schizophrenic mess. For nearly all of its overly-long runtime. As I watched I couldn't help thinking how dumb much of the movie was. I'm getting so cynical about movies lately. Who comes up with these shitty ideas? UGHHHH.
July 10, 2011, 4:20 p.m. CST
Fucking horrible movie. HORRIBLE.
by Jack Burton
Vern shredded this flick far better (and with a novella length amount of words) but all that crap about it being better than part 2 is ludicrous. This is not only Bay's worst movie, it is one of the worst movies to come out of Hollywood in years. I hated part 2, and went to this one because my kids and wife wanted to see it. So I was prepared to be bored, but JESUS you cannot believe how annoying and offensive this flick is. I'm sure plenty of other above me go into details but the pandering jingoistic horseshit is absolutely gag inducing this time around. The characters are largely all unlikable, even the robots. The action spatially makes less sense than part 2, events simply "happen" with no corollary to what has come before or after. It is an inept, boring, offensive, truly godawful piece of shit. That Bay would have the nuts to evoke 9/11, the Challenger disaster, Chernobyl, and the space race to fit his dipshit giant robot movie is pretty brazen even for him. Obliterating the Lincoln memorial I guess was a joke for him, but the movie is so damn pro-America kill kill kill I'm sure there as plenty of symbolism there. That the autobots allow Chicago to be wiped out to make a point is something the movie never recovers from. It is not just a bad movie. It is atrocious. It is abysmal. My only consolation is that the ticket guy rang me up for Horrible Bosses on accident so at least I didn't actually contribute money to this fucking shitstorm. Not even my kids and wife (who has a MASSIVE blind spot for this franchise that is utterly bizarre given her normal intelligence and good taste) could defend this one. It is irredeemably bad. "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." and fuck you Nimoy for deigning to say that line when it was co-opted into Kruger's nonsensical script to be a villainous statement. If you haven't been tricked into seeing this yet, do yourself a favor and put it off until it leaves theaters. At least at home you can turn it off when it gets to much.
July 10, 2011, 4:39 p.m. CST
This movie is a fucking pile of SHIT.
by Ironhelix
The fact the Harry gives it a positive review is PROOF that this website's integrity has been totally compromised. There is nothing, NOTHING, redeeming about this film AT ALL. My fucking 12 year old thought it sucked. Harry is a fucking rotten liar, and a shill for the industry. He and his bullshit website are everything that is wrong with movies today. Fuck this place in it's ass, I'm out of here...
July 10, 2011, 8:29 p.m. CST
Peeps who call this shut,
by BERSERKR
July 10, 2011, 8:33 p.m. CST
Don't know shit
by BERSERKR
This movie us far from the best but it's alright for what it is, my advice to you all into watch a lit more movies, good and bad, indie and big budget, from all over the world, then maybe you will get a better sense of what is truly shit, and what is truly good. Same goes for everything in life, music, tv, food etc, widen your horizons people.
July 11, 2011, 12:58 a.m. CST
Spielberg would have ruined Potter
by Relugus
Remember Spielberg wanted to completely Americanise it, believing a very British Potter would not be Box Office. He was wrong. Transformers is great. Bayformers is shit. Don't tarnish the fantastic Transformers concept and characters with Bay's crass nonsense. The blame lies with Spielberg; he hired a man who despises the source material. Imagine a producer is looking to make an adapatation of a Jane Austen novel and a director says "Jane Austen novels are just stupid shit", and then the producer hires that director. The result: A shit adapatation that misses the point of the source material. This is what Spielberg did. Bay directing Transformers is like hiring a right-wing Christian to direct Harry Potter. Bay never treats the robots as characters, they are just CG, which is a f****ing huge waste as the characters are bloody fantastic with a ton of storytelling potential. For fuck's sake they are anthropomorphic characters. Funny how children and adult comic readers have no trouble accepting the robot characters yet Hollywood thinks (wrongly), that we can only relate to humans (which is of course why WALL-E flopped, eh? Oh, it didn't). Bayformers is full of awful Hollywoodisms: The Pet Robot (Bumblebee) Can't speak, making the all-too predictable cute robot noises, and is pretty much Sam's pet. We see an extension of this nonsense in the All-Spark ridiculously turning machines into Transformers. That never happened in the comics, or the cartoon shows, but Hollywood shoved its own shit in there anywhere. The Bad Guys Look Alien The Decepticons are designed to look more "alien" than the Autobots, who look more human. Both Autobots and Decepticons, who in TF lore are both sentient and both consisting of characters who have their own motives and agendas, are here depicted as different races. In the G1 character bios there are nasty Autobots and good Decepticons, in Bayformers its completely black and white. Hollywood deemed the nuances of the "kids toy" too complex for audiences to understand! Humans are Better The Transformers, in true Hollywood fashion, are depicted as inferior, lesser beings than the humans; Optimus bellyaches about humans but couldn't give a fuck about Ironhide or his home planet (an ending which would delight Unicron, I might add). Killing People is Heroism Optimus Prime was a hero to kids not because he beat the shit out of people, but because he had firm morals, and would even put himself at a disadvantage rather than compromise those morals. It was the strength of his character, not his fists, which made him so beloved. In Bayformers Optimus says "we will kill them all" and allows the Deceps to go on a killing spree to show people they are irredeemable. Optimus would never sacrifice lives to prove a point. Bay has turned Optimus Prime into a Dick Cheney-esque thug. The Alien Good Guys Work for America The Autobots are alien beings from another world, who have, bizarrely, decided to serve the Pentagon and be the human's bitches. Why? Why would the Autobots become a robotic Blackwater? Basil Exposition The Transformers role in these movies, when they are not hitting each other. The only time the Cybertronians get to speak is to explain the plot. The Expendable, Throw-away Female Character Carly is just chucked in their as filler, as is so often the case, just the "love-interest" who exists purely as an extension of Sam. Incidentally I don't get the hate for Megan Fox, IMHO despite her flaws, she's a better actor than Shia (whose "acting" consists of shouting "No!No!No!No!" "Go!Go!Go!Go!" and being jittery). (BTW The Nimoy Star Trek quote was dumb, if they were going to use a movie reference), use a line from Galvatron, not Spock, ffs.
July 11, 2011, 12:58 a.m. CST
Spielberg would have ruined Potter
by Relugus
Remember Spielberg wanted to completely Americanise it, believing a very British Potter would not be Box Office. He was wrong. Transformers is great. Bayformers is shit. Don't tarnish the fantastic Transformers concept and characters with Bay's crass nonsense. The blame lies with Spielberg; he hired a man who despises the source material. Imagine a producer is looking to make an adapatation of a Jane Austen novel and a director says "Jane Austen novels are just stupid shit", and then the producer hires that director. The result: A shit adapatation that misses the point of the source material. This is what Spielberg did. Bay directing Transformers is like hiring a right-wing Christian to direct Harry Potter. Bay never treats the robots as characters, they are just CG, which is a f****ing huge waste as the characters are bloody fantastic with a ton of storytelling potential. For fuck's sake they are anthropomorphic characters. Funny how children and adult comic readers have no trouble accepting the robot characters yet Hollywood thinks (wrongly), that we can only relate to humans (which is of course why WALL-E flopped, eh? Oh, it didn't). Bayformers is full of awful Hollywoodisms: The Pet Robot (Bumblebee) Can't speak, making the all-too predictable cute robot noises, and is pretty much Sam's pet. We see an extension of this nonsense in the All-Spark ridiculously turning machines into Transformers. That never happened in the comics, or the cartoon shows, but Hollywood shoved its own shit in there anywhere. The Bad Guys Look Alien The Decepticons are designed to look more "alien" than the Autobots, who look more human. Both Autobots and Decepticons, who in TF lore are both sentient and both consisting of characters who have their own motives and agendas, are here depicted as different races. In the G1 character bios there are nasty Autobots and good Decepticons, in Bayformers its completely black and white. Hollywood deemed the nuances of the "kids toy" too complex for audiences to understand! Humans are Better The Transformers, in true Hollywood fashion, are depicted as inferior, lesser beings than the humans; Optimus bellyaches about humans but couldn't give a fuck about Ironhide or his home planet (an ending which would delight Unicron, I might add). Killing People is Heroism Optimus Prime was a hero to kids not because he beat the shit out of people, but because he had firm morals, and would even put himself at a disadvantage rather than compromise those morals. It was the strength of his character, not his fists, which made him so beloved. In Bayformers Optimus says "we will kill them all" and allows the Deceps to go on a killing spree to show people they are irredeemable. Optimus would never sacrifice lives to prove a point. Bay has turned Optimus Prime into a Dick Cheney-esque thug. The Alien Good Guys Work for America The Autobots are alien beings from another world, who have, bizarrely, decided to serve the Pentagon and be the human's bitches. Why? Why would the Autobots become a robotic Blackwater? Basil Exposition The Transformers role in these movies, when they are not hitting each other. The only time the Cybertronians get to speak is to explain the plot. The Expendable, Throw-away Female Character Carly is just chucked in their as filler, as is so often the case, just the "love-interest" who exists purely as an extension of Sam. Incidentally I don't get the hate for Megan Fox, IMHO despite her flaws, she's a better actor than Shia (whose "acting" consists of shouting "No!No!No!No!" "Go!Go!Go!Go!" and being jittery). (BTW The Nimoy Star Trek quote was dumb, if they were going to use a movie reference), use a line from Galvatron, not Spock, ffs.
July 12, 2011, 4:41 p.m. CST
Are you frakin' kidding me?!
by Project1174
This movie was actually better than 2 but only slightly worse than shit. This thing was awful. Even the heroes are dicks. For crying out load Optimus lets like half of Chicago get raped and murdered just to prove the world needs autobots! Sam looks for all the world like a boyfriend who might lean towards the abusive end of things. And nothing and I mean NOTHING in this movie has any logic whatsoever. It's like it was made by a billionaire, mentally deficient, infant! Credit where credit is due. The effects team knows it's craft like a ninja master but that is the only thing that actually qualifies as good in this thing. Wanna read a really good accurate breakdown? Read the one on ComicsAlliance.com It's not at all fanboyish and gives an honest breakdown of why movies made by idiots shouldn't ever be made
July 14, 2011, 7:53 a.m. CST
please get another critic
by michael conrad
Dear god, my head hurt from the absolute stupidity of Transformers 3. Only ppl who like it are Imax viewers and Chicago ppl. None of cliche jokes were funny. An I do mean NONE. come on?? 2 men in bathroom with pants down and boss walks in REALLY? REALLY ???. 3D?? Non existant. I watched half fim without glasses , if 3D was there this would be a problem .Bay is a joke now,he's lost his touch,but stupid ppl keep paying for his Crap so Hollywood will keep dishing it out, its a shame n. My main problem with film was there was no entertainment value at all. I've seen many a dumb movie that still managed to entertain from shear action and fun (Armagedon, Die Hard 4, hell even 2012 entertained me thru stupidity). Overall I'm saying to this sites critic u wrong on everything about this movie an most your reviews I've read recently. Usually I'm not this harsh about peoples movie opinions. But you must be 12 or drunk. :)
July 15, 2011, 1:21 p.m. CST
Terrible fucking movie.
by Randy
Terrible script, awful comedy and filled with just terrible performances. 45 minutes of decent action in a 157 minutes is not good enough when the rest is utter shit. I didn't even know half the Autobots names, they just killed people I didn't care about and so there was no emotion. I really don't see how Bay changed that much as a filmmaker, everything before the finale was him at his worst.
July 16, 2011, 12:03 a.m. CST
Saw it last night and thought it was really good!
by Cruzboy
Perfect by no means, some little things and pacing problems, plus it was too long. Nearly pissed myself right at the last scenes and had to run for the loo and back. But overall, a fun Friday night! (damn, that chick is hot!!) There was a heap of laughs and I especially loved the scene when they were all racing to get to Sentinel first on the highway. I think this is where the best action is with Transformers, when some are in car form and others are in robot form. It makes the Decepticons seem more threatening. The highway scene in the first movie was the best scene in that film too. 3.5 outta 5!
July 20, 2011, 10:20 a.m. CST
Transformers 3
by red_eddie
I thought this 3rd movie was pretty decent. The silly comedy is definately there and shouldve been eliminated..I thought I read some where that michael bay was going to get rid of the silly goofy human characters..WHy does every human character have to act so goofy? Can we just have one character for comedic relief? Not every person on the planet is a comedian.. I dont get this way of thinking. It feels like a sitcom almost. For a movie that is trying to make the robot's visual effects and their story feel very realistic, the humans are almost the exact opposite. Very silly and unreal. Any way, that said, after the human stuff is out of the way and the action starts, it is better than the other 2 films. i wish there was more cybertron war scenes..that opening in 3d was so good. The action sequences are far better thought out and interconnected with one another. Where the first film just felt like a few scenes pasted together , this one feels like a whole story of action unfolding. The highway scene in the first film is still the best for me but this one is almost just as good..Easily the best 3 d ive ever seen..Very nice. I am still hoping for a complete transformers film if there is another film..This time with minimal human involvement...at least, if you must put earth and humans in there..eliminate this overly goofy comedy stuff please!!
July 22, 2011, 12:29 p.m. CST
Rather dull
by Walter_Burns
It could have been worse - but I did find myself looking at my watch. Like the 2nd one - the action scenes are just too long - and I can no longer care as to who is hitting who. Still - kept me out of the rain for 2 1/2 hours
July 25, 2011, 2:41 p.m. CST
by tazzzer
TR3 IS SHITE FUCKING STUPIDLY SHITE AND IM NOT SAYING THIS AS A HATER THO I THOUGHT THE OTHER 2 WERE CRAP BCUS WELL THEY WERE CRAP. THIS WAS TAKES THE BOLLOCKS TO A NEW LEVEL AND I WOULD LIKE U TO AT LEAST CONSIDER THESE POINTS BECAUSE READING UR FUCKING REVIEW I FEEL LIKE I MUST HAVE WATCHED A TOTALLY DIFFERENT MOVIE OR MUST BE BRAIN FUCKED FOR BEING SO ANNOYED WITH ITS ABSOLUTE NONSENSE. 1) OK AS THE MOVIE PROGRESSES WE ULTIMATELY LEARN THAT THE OLD BASTARD SPOCK IS ACTUALLY 'MATES' WITH MEGATON AND THAT SPOCK WAS ALWAYS PLANNING TO FUCK EARTH OVER ANYWAYS. FINE. SO WHY THE FUCK DID THEY SHOOT SPOCKS SHIP OUT OF THE SKY FOR IT TO CRASH LAND IN THE FIRST PLACE? 2) WITFUCKING WIKI IS JUST FUCKING ANNOYING LEBOUF IS THE MOST ANNOYING CHARACTER EVER WAS THERE REALLY A NEED FOR THE STUPID NONSENSE THAT IS STILL IN THIS MOVIE THAT ACTUALLY KILLS THE DECENT PARTS IN IT? MOST OF WHICH ARE FILLED WITH THIS FUCKING ARSE AND HIS FUCKING FAMILY? WHO GIVES A FUCK IF HE WON A MEDAL AND CANT FIND A JOB NO ONE CARES! 3) SO TURNS OUT THE DECEPTIONS HAVE BEEN TO THE MOON BUT NEED OPTIMUS TO WAKE UP THE OLD BASTARD. OK BUT IM SURE IN THE MOVIE THE DECEPTIONS THAT COME THROUGH THE GATE COME FROM THE FUCKING MOON RIGHT? WHY COULDN'T MEGATRON GO GET UM? HE FLEW INTO SPACE IN THE 2ND MOVIE RIGHT SO Y DIDINT HE JUST CALL BACKUPS THAT WERE SEEMINGLY SITTING ON THERE ARSE UP THERE ANYWAYS? 4) SO OPTIMUS WAKES UP SPOKE. ANOTHER OLD BASTARD ROBOT I FOR ONE HAD ENOUGH OF THE OLD BASTARD IN THE LAST MOVIE TR 2 BUT ANYWAYS SO HE WAKES HIM UP THEN THEY FUCK OFF ON SAFARI IN AFRICA AND HAVE A CHAT. OPTIMUS SAYS HERE U OLD BASTARD U R THE ONE THATS TRULY BADASS U HAVE MY SUPER POWER SHIT BUT THE OLD BASTARD SAYS NO THANKS. FINE. BUT THEN 20MINS LATER AFTER A MOMENT OF BRILLIANCE IN THE MOVIE WHICH IS A SUPERB CAR CHASE SCENE IT TURNS OUT THE OLD BASTARD IS IN-FACT A BAD GUY. HE FUCKS UP THE BASE AND IS HAPPY TO FUCK OVER THE AUTOBOTS IF NECESSARY SO Y THE FUCK DIDNT HE JUST TAKE OPTIMUS P'S POWER IN THE FIRST PLACE KNOWING HE WAS ALWAYS GONA FUCK HIM OVER? 5) OH MY GOD WHEN I WAS A KID MEGATRON WAS TO ME ONE OF THE ULTIMATE BAD ASS EVIL MOTHERFUCKERS. ONE SON OF A BITCH! BUT THEN MICHAEL FUCKING BAY COMES ALONG AND TURNS OPTIMUS'S BAD ASS ENEMY INTO A FUCKING OLD BASTARD. NOT ONLY THAT BUT DID MEGATRON GET RADICALISED BY OSAMA BIN LADEN CUS HE INSISTS ON WEARING A HEAD SCARF A LOT IN THIS FOR NO FUCKING REASON AT ALL. I MEAN HES A FUCKING TRANSFORMER RIGHT WTF DOES HE NEED A SCARF FOR ? FUCK ME! BUT WORSE EVERYTIME WE SEE HIM HE NEEDS TO SHIT OR SMOOTHIN CUS HE INSISTS ON SITTING DOWN. INFACT AS OLD BASTARD SPOCK IS BRINGING DOWN BACKUP USING HIS BEAM MEGATRON BLASTS ABE LINCON AND SITS LIKE HE WANTS TO TAKE A SHITE IN HIS CHAIR. IT DOESNT END THERE RIGHT AT THE END HE IS HAVING A SHIT WHEN THE SEXY BITCH IN THIS GOADS HIM TO KILLS SPOCK OTHERWISE GUESS HE WOULD HAVE SAT OUT THE ENTIRE FUCKIN MOVIE WHAT A PIECE OF SHITE! the movie ruined my view on megaton now when ever ill think of him it will b him needing a shit 6) FUCK ME THE AUTOBOTS GET TOLD TO FUCK OFF EARTH RIGHT AND THEY GET ON THEIR SHIP RIGHT AND IT NOT SURPRISINGLY GETS BLOWN TO SHIT. AND THEN OH NOW THE DECEPTIONS GET ANGRY AND BLOW SHIT UP AND WE R ALL FUCKED ARRRGHHH! EXCEPT IT DOESNT FUCKING WORK. THE AUDIENCE KNOWS THAT THE AUTOBOTS WILL HAVE TO STILL BE ALIVE TO FINISH THE FUCKING MOVIE SO THIS ENTIRE PLOT POINT IS FUCKED. I MEAN ONE OF UM DIE ON THE SHIP MAYB BUT NONE OF UM? THEN AGES AFTER ITS GONE TO SHIT AND ONLY WHEN FUCKING LE'SHIT IS IN DANGER TO THESE FUCKING AUTOBOTS SUDDENLY REAPPEAR. I MEAN FUCK ME THEY R BIG FUCKING MACHINES WHERE THE FUCK WOULD ALL OF UM SUDDENLY HID? AND IS SHOCKWAVE SO FUCKING INCOMPETENT THAT HE COULDN'T NOTICE THEM NOT GETTING IN THEIR FUCKING SHIP FROM SPACE? EH WTF? DID NOT OF THE FUCKING STUPID HUMANS NOTICE EITHER OH FUCK WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS! 7) OH MY FUCKING GOD HARRY U LOVED THE MARINES DOING THEIR SHIT TOWARD THE END RIGHT RIGHT? OK TELL ME HOW THE FUCK IT IS THAT WE THE AUDIENCE HAD TO WATCH THEM DOING THERE SHITE WHEN WHAT WE ACTUALLY WANTED TO WATCH WAS THE AUTOBOTS/DECEPTIONS U KNOW THE FUCKING TRANSFORMERS HAVING THEIR BAD ASS BATTLE. INSTEAD WE HAVE TO ENDURE THIS FUCKING COKS CLIMBING UP A BUILDING ONLY TO SEE THEM GET TO THEIR TARGET FROM WHERE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO FIRE THEIR MISSILE AND THEN A DICK SAYS HEY FIRE AND HIS ASS BUM BUDDY SAYS OH SHIT NA TO SCARED IM BOUNCING ALL OVER THE PLACE CANT BE DONE. I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK? THESE R SUPPOSED TO B THE BEST OF THE BEST. THIS IS END OF THE WORLD TIME AND THIS COK CANT EVEN FIRE HIS FUCKING GUN? OH MY GOD MY BRAINS GOING TO EXPLODE FUCK ME! 7) STAR SCREAM BEING KILLED BY WIK WIKI IS FUCKING ANNOYING 8) NOW HERE IS A LIST OF GOOD BITS 1) THE CAR CHASE THAT IS ULTIMATELY RUINED BUT STILL GOOD WHILST OPTIMUS LASTS. 2) A FEW OF THE BATTLE SCENES INCLUDING WITH A FUCKING SWORD YEA THAT WAS BAD ASS. 3) THE SADEST PART OF THE MOVIE WHEN ONE OF THE AUTOBOTS GETS RIPPED APART. MAN IF ONLY THE MOVIE COULD HAVE DONE JUSTICE TO THESE MOMENTS BUT ALAS IT NEVER DID. IT WAS ULTIMATELY THEREFORE SERIOUSLY FUCKING FLAWED. HARRY TR3 IS THE BEST OF THE TR MOVIES BUT ITS STILL SHITE FOR THE REASONS STATED ABOVE. I WANT AN AMAZING TR MOVIE AND NOW ILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR A REBOOT WHICH IN THIS CASE IM PREPARED TO DO FOR THE ONE I ACTUALLY DREAMED OF SEEING SINCE I WAS A KID. HARRY FUCK UR REVIEW. U NAILED TERMINATOR SALVATION SO CRITICALLY WELL HOW CAN U POSSIBLY RATE THIS SHITE SO HIGHLY U CUNT! SERIOUS TR FANS COULD NEVER VALUE THIS UTTER FUCKING SHIT THAT SPITS IN THE FACE OF THE CLASSIC ORIGINAL SERIES.
July 25, 2011, 3:02 p.m. CST
by tazzzer
July 27, 2011, 1:06 a.m. CST
by WINONA_RYDERS_PUSSY_JUICE
the world is really full of a lot of angry cunt assholes. I liked the movie quite a bit. I also agree with almost every criticism in this talkback. If you analyze the story and other elements yeah, it's kind of a mess. But on the basic elements of plot and action, it's succeeds on a very high level. You faggots ain't seen anything like that last hour, ever. Fucking superb action. A++ But you come here and whine about your favorite character from your faggot comic book not getting a proper burial. Fuckin whiney bitches on rags, you sound like.
July 28, 2011, 4:57 p.m. CST
to the twat who is eating harry's shit not winoda ryder
by tazzzer
If you analyze the story and other elements yeah, it's kind of a mess.
July 28, 2011, 5 p.m. CST
FACT IF McG had directed this Harry would have hated it
by tazzzer
its a fact harry. as i stated above already theres little difference between this shit and t4 u correctly slammed t4 and accepted that yea mcg was a bad choice to direct yet u love this shit. Whats the difference? Well, Mcg didint direct this Bay did and u just love bays dick dont u? u must do to watch this and accept the stupid insane shitiness of this movie and its insult to a classic cartoon series. Again fuck u
July 28, 2011, 5:05 p.m. CST
optimus primes back stab of megatron
by tazzzer
look prime supposed to be a character with honor etc im not sure the way he kills megatron really reflected that. mayb it doesnt matter i mean yea it kinda looked cool in a way but then things like this should matter. another example of how this movie is truly shitty
July 28, 2011, 6:42 p.m. CST
DoTM would be a much better story if
by Relugus
The state Megatron was in there is absolutely no way he would have kept his position as Decepticon leader. Megatron was in the African desert because Shockwave had ousted him, and Soundwave and Lazerbeak were now his only loyal followers (with Starscream pretending to be on both Shockwave and Megatron's side, playing them against each other in the hope of taking the crown). Shockwave has teamed up with Sentinel Prime (and with that you can play the the whole Spock and Shockwave angle for geekgasms). The Decepticons on the Moon are not Megatron's troops, but a renegade group of Deceps loyal to Shockwave. Megatron is the frustrated outsider eager to reclaim his crown, this is a much better motive than being goaded by a blonde fleshling. Before his trechery is revealed, Sentinel regains leadership of the Autobots, meaning Optimus must take on his mentor. Some Autobots, such as Mirage, side with Sentinel. So you have Megatron and Optimus leading renegade factions against Shockwave and Sentinel. Now, wouldn't that be a much more interesting plotline?
July 28, 2011, 10:49 p.m. CST
by tazzzer
yep that story could work what a shame that wasn't the one that got made.
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