text:
Just got off the phone with a former student, who called to ask my opinion of a rejection letter he'd received from an agent.
"You might have a chance at publication," this so-called author rep wrote, "if you change the whole plot and the era, and write a story that's more formulaic."
Now, before you defend the agent--because yes, they do sift through a lot of garbage in search of The Next Big Sale (they don't call it The Slush Pile for nothin')--let me set the stage: This novel finaled in four reputable writing contests; its writer has 14 short stories published in major market magazines; this was the author's first and only contact with said "agent;" I'd never heard of him (and if a 'been around forever' gal like me doesn't know him...or someone he represents...).
It always riles me when one individual so misrepresents himself that he casts a creepy shadow over every member of his industry. So this is what I told my former student:
This guy did you a favor by rejecting you. Signing a contract with a bozo like that would only invite more snarky, unhelpful, hurtful comments. A real agent knows his biz. And let's face it: Literary agents are salespeople and personal representatives, so a lack of people skills is not a good thing. If he couldn't put some thought into a constructive, professional rejection, he ought to consider the Plain John approach: Thanks for your submission. Good luck placing it elsewhere.
The student wanted to know why would someone whose web site boasts "We're looking for only the best, most well-written stories to represent" would send a letter like that. The answer, in my opinion: Pure, unadulterated laziness.
The agent isn't looking for "a fresh new voice" or "a story that excites me!" What he really wants is a seasoned author who's disgruntled with her agent. Maybe her agent represents too many other midlist authors, and can't pay enough attention to her work. so she's looking to change camps, and sign with a newer, less-busy agent who can focus more on her...and her career. Signing an author who's already 'branded,' who comes to him with a well-developed fan base means he only needs to mention her name, quote some sales stats, and voila! He gets 15% of every publishing deal. If that isn't enough, he also gets to ride Miss Big Name's coattails, meaning lots of all-expenses-paid trips to writers' conferences, where he'll meet with unpublished authors and those with a book or two under their belts...while scoping out other Big Names in the early phases of feeling frustrated by their agents.
When all is said and done, the lazy agent won't pay Miss Big Name any more attention than her 'old' agent did. The difference? When this guy ignores her, it won't be because he has hundreds of other clients' business to oversee, it'll be because...
...you guessed it: HE'S JUST PLAIN LAZY.
What every author needs is an agent who believes in their authors' talent, who is genuinely enthused about their clients' work, and who'll translate that into excitement when he's introducing those clients to editors. Anything less, and authors might as well represent themselves.
In my opinion, the student sidestepped a land mine when the lazy agent rejected him. Because there's no doubt in my mind, a guy like that would peck away at the student's confidence until he considered shelving the book and taking up woodoworking, instead.
Because you don't need an agent to sell toy trains.
P.S. This humble author is pleased and proud to say she has never been represented by a lazy agent.
The Lough Down
A collection of random thoughts about life, love, and the wild and wacky world of writing.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Day 20 of 31 Days of December Lor-Cipes
My Christmas Gift to You
Only 5 days until Christmas. <sigh> Hard to believe, isn't it! If you're like me, the length of your To Do list is dwindling, but there are still a dozen or items like "What's for Supper?" calling for your attention. Good news: You can cross that one off your list. Better news: I've seen meatloaf snobs turn into meatloaf lovers after eating this one! But time's a-wastin' and that list isn't getting any shorter, so let's get crackin'!
December 20
Loree's Really Italian MeatloafIngredients:
1-8 ounce can tomato sauce, divided
1 egg, beaten
½ cup chopped onion
1/3 cup Italian-seasoned bread crumbs
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan
½ teaspoon garlic powder (NOT garlic salt)
½ teaspoon black pepper
1 pound ground beef
½ pound ground pork or veal
1 cup shredded Asiago cheese
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Make foil handles from three, 18" sheets of aluminum foil, folded lengthwise into 2" strips. Lay on counter so that the strips form a 'star' shape. Set aside. (These will be your "foil handles)
Reserve 1/3 cup tomato sauce in refrigerator
Combine remaining sauce and egg in large bowl
Stir in onion and bread crumbs, Parmesan and spices
Add ground meat
Mix well and shape into loaf
Place meat on foil handles and lay into slow cooker so that the 'handles' stick out of the cooker
Cover and cook on LOW 10 hours
Spread remaining sauce over meatloaf and sprinkle with Asiago cheese
Using 'handles,' lift meatloaf from pan and transfer to serving platter
Serve with spaghetti, garlic bread, and a colorful side salad!
And yes, if you post a photo of your version of this recipe on my Facebook author page, you could win a gift basket worth $100!
Posted by Loree Lough at 7:07 AM 5 comments:
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Day 19 of "31 Days of Lor-cipes," My Christmas Gift to You
This was my very first crock pot, which worked like a champ off for more than 30 years. Quite a feat, considering how much I used it! (Its replacement works just as hard, but just between you and me, doesn't have half the personality.)
Today's family-favorite Lor-cipe, like the others chosen to lessen some of December's craziness, is sure to earn high fives from those gathered 'round your table. If you put it to the test, share a photo at my Facebook author page, and you could win a gift basket worth $100.
And now, let's get cookin'!
December 19
Loree's Easy-Cheesy Pork 'n' Potatoes
½ ground pork, cooked and crumbled
½ cup crushed saltine crackers
1/3 cup barbecue sauce
1 beaten egg
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
4 potatoes, peeled and sliced
1 onion, chopped
1 cup grated mozzarella cheese
2/3 cup evaporated milk
¼ teaspoon paprika
1/8 teaspoon black pepper
chopped parsley (for garnish)
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Combine pork, crackers, BBQ sauce and egg in large bowl
Shape mixture into 6 patties
Heat margarine and oil in medium skillet
Sauté potatoes and onion until slightly browned
Drain and place in slow cooker
Combine cheese, milk, and spices into a small bowl
Mix well, then pour into slow cooker
Layer pork patties on top
Cover and cook on LOW 5 hours, then garnish with parsley
Posted by Loree Lough at 8:08 AM No comments:
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Day 18 of 31 Days of Lor-cipies
My Christmas Gift to You
By now, I'm sure you know the story: I'm posting one slow cooker recipe a day to save you time AND allow you to provide your family with a well-balanced meals, even amid the hustle-bustle of December. And if you try it, and post a picture here, you could win a gift basket worth $100, similar to the one pictured below.
Eat hearty!
December 18: Loree's Hearty Tuna Casserole
2-12 ounce cans tuna, rinsed, drained and flaked
2 cups celery, diced
2-12 ounce cans tuna, rinsed, drained and flaked
2 cups celery, diced
1 1/2 cups noodles (your choice; I use rotini), cooked and drained
3 cups crushed potato chips, divided
6 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
1-10 ounce can condensed cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
1-10 ounce can condensed cream of broccoli soup, undiluted
1 cup mayo
1 teaspoon dried tarragon
1 teaspoon black pepper
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Combine all ingredients (except ½ cup potato chips) into slow cooker
Stir well
Top mixture with remaining chips
Cover and cook on LOW 6 hours
3 cups crushed potato chips, divided
6 hard-boiled eggs, chopped
1-10 ounce can condensed cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
1-10 ounce can condensed cream of broccoli soup, undiluted
1 cup mayo
1 teaspoon dried tarragon
1 teaspoon black pepper
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Combine all ingredients (except ½ cup potato chips) into slow cooker
Stir well
Top mixture with remaining chips
Cover and cook on LOW 6 hours
Posted by Loree Lough at 9:24 AM No comments:
Monday, December 17, 2012
Day 17 of 31 Days of SLOW COOKER Lor-cipies
My Christmas Gift to You
December 17
Loree's Fiesta Rice with Sausage
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
2 pounds spicy Italian sausage, casings removed
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 teaspoons ground cumin
4 onions, chopped
4 green peppers, chopped
3 Jalapeno peppers, seeded and minced (REMEMBER TO WEAR GLOVES AND DON'T TOUCH YOUR EYES!!!)
4 cups beef broth
2 packages (6 ounces each) long-grain and wild rice mix
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Heat oil in large skillet
Add sausage, breaking it up as it browns
Add garlic and cumin
Add onions and peppers
Sauté mixture until onions are tender
Pour mixture into slow cooker
Add beef broth and rice
Cover and cook on LOW 6 hours
If you like it hot, you're gonna love it!
Posted by Loree Lough at 7:32 AM No comments:
Day 16 of 31 Days of SLOW COOKER
My Christmas Gift to You
Loree's Cheesy Chicken and Noodles
2 large cans cooked chicken
1-1/2 cups cottage cheese
1-10 ounce can condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
1-8 ounce package wide egg noodles, cooked and drained
1 cup grated Monterey Jack cheese
½ cup chicken broth
½ cup diced celery
½ cup diced green pepper
½ cup diced red pepper
½ cup diced onion
½ cup grated Parmesan
1-4 ounce can diced mushrooms
2 tablespoons butter, melted
½ teaspoon dried thyme
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Combine all ingredients in slow cooker and stir to coat evenly.
Cover and cook on LOW 6 hours.
If you try it, post a picture on my Facebook wall
and you could win
a gift basket like this
A $100 value!
Posted by Loree Lough at 7:26 AM No comments:
Thirty-one Days of Lor-cipies
My Christmas Gift to You
Today, I'm catching up, and posting three recipes instead of one. (I took a little break from the Internet, to show a little respect and pray for everyone directly affected by the massacre in Connecticut.)
So, a quick rundown of the contest: Try this one, then post a photo of it at my Facebook page, and I'll put your name in my handy Santa hat, and you could win a basket filled with Maryland goodies that's valued at $100!
Happy slow cooking!
And trust me...this one's harder to pronounce than it is to prepare!
Loree's Beef Bourguignon
3 pounds lean beef cubes
½ cup flour
4 slices bacon, diced
3 carrots, sliced
8 small red potatoes, unpeeled and quartered
10 mushrooms, sliced
24 pearl onions
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon dried marjoram
½ teaspoon thyme
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
2-1/2 cups beef broth (or, if you prefer, Burgundy wine)
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Coat beef with flour and set aside
Cook bacon in large skillet over medium heat until partially cooked
Add beef and cook until browned
Remove with slotted spoon
Layer carrots, potatoes, mushrooms, onions, garlic, bay leaf, spices, and meat mixture in slow cooker
Cover with wine or broth
Cover and cook on LOW 10 hours (Give a prize to the person who finds the bay leaf!)
Posted by Loree Lough at 7:19 AM No comments:
Friday, December 14, 2012
Day 14 of "The 31 Days of Lor-cipies"
My Christmas Gift to You
I'll finish up my Christmas shopping today (God willing), and I know I won't feel like cooking after THAT! So I'm putting my trusty slow cooker to use. Again. And sharing the recipe with you, because I know your December day will be just as hectic. If you decide to test it, take a picture before your family digs in, and share it at my Facebook author page as your entry in the "Win a $100 Basket of Maryland Stuff" contest (drawing on January 1st)!
And now, without further adieu, LOREE'S PIGS IN BLANKETS
(Yes, the photo is a joke. But I just couldn't help myself!) Enjoy:
6 cups water
12 large cabbage leaves
1 pound lean ground beef
½ cup cooked rice
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
¼ teaspoon dried oregano
3 cups tomato sauce (divided in half)
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Bring water to boil and turn off. Soak cabbage leaves in water 5 minutes. Remove, drain, and cool
Combine ground beef, rice, and spices in a large bowl. Mix well.
Place 3 tablespoons of meat mixture onto each cabbage leaf. Roll tightly
Place cabbage rolls into slow cooker, seam side down
Pour half the tomato sauce over rolls
Cover and cook on LOW 10 hours
Before serving, warm remaining sauce and pour over rolls
Serve with green vegetables and a side salad!
THIS is what the dish will really look like:
Posted by Loree Lough at 5:42 AM No comments:
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Day 13 of 31 Days of Lor-cipes, My Christmas Gift to You
Like you, I want to serve nutritious, tasty meals every evening. But during this crazy-busy month, that isn't always easy. That's why I rely heavily on my trusty crock pot, and oh, what a delicious relief, at the end of a deadline day, to put that tasty supper on the table!
I'd like to share that mood and that food with you, so I'm sharing family-tested favorite recipes in the hope you'll experience those same blessed sensations. Try this one, and if you like it, post a photo on my Facebook author's page, and I'll add your name to my Santa hat so you can win a prize basket (a $100 value) filled with New Year's fun.
It's early. There's plenty of time to hunt down these ingredients and put this on the supper table, tonight:
December 13: Loree's Pork Chop Dinner
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
6 bone-in pork loin chops
1-10 ounce can condensed cream of broccoli soup
1-4 ounce can diced mushrooms, drained
¼ cup spicy brown mustard
¼ cup chicken broth
1 clove garlic, minced
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon dried basil
6 red potatoes, unpeeled and sliced
1 onion, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
Heat butter and oil in large skillet.
Brown pork chops on both sides and set aside
Spray slow cooker with Pam
Combine soup, mushrooms, mustard, broth, and spices in slow cooker
Add potatoes and onion, stirring to coat
Arrange pork chops on top of potato mixture
Cover and cook on LOW 10-12 hours
Sprinkle with parsley and serve with green vegetables and rolls!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Thirty-one Days of Lor-cipies
A Christmas Gift to You
from Loree Lough
Yes, it's true: I'm always on a deadline. So to ensure that my family gets well-balanced, nutritious meals, I rely heavily on my trusty slow cooker. And throughout the month of December—one of the busiest months of the year—I'm sharing my family's favorite recipes with you.
December 12: Loree's Meaty Chili
1 pound ground beef
¼ pound ground sausage
1 large onion, chopped
1 stalk celery, sliced
2 jalapeno peppers, chopped (REMEMBER TO WEAR GLOVES, AND DON'T TOUCH YOUR EYES!!!!)
1 clove garlic, minced
1-28 ounce can whole peel tomatoes, undrained and cut
1-15 ounce can chili beans, undrained
8 ounces tomato juice
¾ cup water
¼ cup ketchup
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon chili powder
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon dried thyme
Over medium-high heat, cook beef, sausage, onion, celery, jalapenos, and garlic
in a 6-quart Dutch oven until meat is browned and onion is tender.
Stir frequently
Add tomatoes (with liquid), beans, tomato juice, water, ketchup, sugar, chili powder, salt, cumin, thyme, salt and pepper
Bring to a boil over high heat, stirring frequently
Reduce heat to low and simmer, uncovered, for one hour, stirring occasionally.
Serve with cornbread or biscuits and a side salad, and enjoy!
(And don't forget: If you try this one and post a photo of it on my Facebook author page,
you could win a gift basket worth $100!)
Posted by Loree Lough at 1:02 AM No comments:
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Day 11 of 31 Lor-cipes
Loree's Stew Provencal
2-14 ounce cans beef broth, divided
1/3 cup flour
1-1/2 pounds pork tenderloin, trimmed and cubed
4 red potatoes, unpeeled and cubed
2 cups frozen cut green beans
(frozen carrots, peas, corn [optional])
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
Spray slow cooker with Pam.
Combine ¾ cup beef broth and flour in small bowl, and set aside
Add remaining broth, pork, potatoes, beans, onions, garlic, and spices to slow cooker
Stir and cover, cook on LOW 10 hours.
One hour before serving, stir in broth and flour mixture
Cook 30 minutes to thicken.
Posted by Loree Lough at 8:29 AM No comments:
Thirty Days of Lor-cipies
A Christmas Gift to You
from Loree LoughYes, it's true: I'm always on a deadline. So to ensure that my family gets well-balanced, nutritious meals, I rely heavily on my trusty slow cooker. (And, on occasion, my favorite Dutch oven.) And throughout the month of December—one of the busiest months of the year—I'm sharing my family's favorite recipes with you.
If you try one this one, send me a picture of it and I'll add your name to the hat, and you might win a basket of New Year's fun!
Merry Christmas!
December 10
Loree's Best-Ever Beef Stew
½ cup (plus 2 tablespoons) flour, divided
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
3 pounds beef stew cubes
1-16 ounce can diced tomatoes, undrained
½ pound sausage, sliced
3 potatoes, peeled and diced
1 cup leek, chopped
1 cup onion, chopped
2 stalks celery, sliced
1 package frozen peas
1 package frozen carrots
½ cup chicken broth
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon dried thyme
3 tablespoons water
Spray slow cooker with Pam.
Combine ½ cup flour, salt and pepper in a resealable food storage bag.
Add beef, and shake to coat beef.
Place beef in slow cooker
Add remaining ingredients (except 2 tablespoons flour and water)
Stir, cover, and cook on LOW 10-12 hours.
One hour before serving, mix remaining flour and water in small bowl and mix into stew.
Cook 30-60 minutes more until stew has thickened.
Posted by Loree Lough at 8:25 AM 1 comment:
Thirty Days of Lor-cipies
A Christmas Gift to You
from Loree Lough
If you try one this one, send me a picture of it and I'll add your name to the hat, and you might win a basket of New Year's fun! Merry Christmas!
December 9: Loree's Tomato-Chicken Gumbo
6 boneless, skinless chicken thighs, cubed
½ pound Italian or Polish sausage links, sliced
3 cups water
1-14 ounce can chicken broth
½ cup long grain white rice, uncooked
1-26 ounce can or jar of "traditional" spaghetti sauce
1 can corn, drained
1 green pepper, diced
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Spray a large, shallow baking pan with Pam.
Place chicken and sausage in pan and bake 15-20 minutes (until chicken is no longer pink).
In a 12-quart pot, bring water and broth to a full boil.
Add chicken, sausage, and rice.
Cover and cook over medium heat 15-20 minutes.
Stir in spaghetti sauce, corn and pepper and bring to a boil.
Cook 10 minutes (or until rice is tender).
And remember...try it and post a photo of it on my Facebook author's wall, you could win this basket (a $100 value)!
Posted by Loree Lough at 8:21 AM No comments:
#8 of 31 Lor-Cipes: Loree's Vegetable Soup
3 sweet potatoes, peeled and diced
3 zucchini, sliced
2 cups broccoli, chopped
1 onion, chopped
¼ cup melted butter
4 cups chicken broth
2 white potatoes, peeled and diced
1 stalk celery, sliced
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon black pepper
2-1/2 cups milk
In a large bowl, combine potatoes, zucchini, broccoli, onion and butter.
Add chicken broth.
Add celery and spices.
Pour into slow cooker.
Cover and cook on LOW 8-10 hours.
Add milk and cook an additional 30 minutes.
Posted by Loree Lough at 8:11 AM No comments:
#7 of 31 Lor-Cipes: Loree's Bean and Cornbread Casserole
1 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, seeded and chopped
¼ teaspoon garlic powder (NOT garlic salt)
1-16 ounce can CHILI beans, undrained
1-16 ounce can pinto beans, undrained
1-16 ounce can diced tomatoes, undrained
1-8 ounce can tomato sauce
1 teaspoon chili powder
½ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon prepared mustard
1/8 teaspoon Tabasco sauce
1 cup yellow cornmeal
1 cup flour
2-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt
1-1/4 cups milk
1/2 cup egg substitute
3 tablespoons oil
1-8 ounce can cream corn
Directions for casserole:
Spray slow cooker with Pam.
In a skillet, over medium heat, cook onion, pepper, and garlic.
Transfer to slow cooker.
Stir in beans.
Add tomatoes, sauce, seasonings, mustard, and hot sauce.
Add tomatoes, sauce, seasonings, mustard, and hot sauce.
Cover and cook on HIGH 1 hour.
Directions for cornbread:
In a large bowl, mix cornmeal, flour, baking powder, sugar and salt. Stir in milk and egg substitute, oil and corn.
Spread evenly over bean mixture.
Cover and cook on HIGH 2 hours more.
And remember how you could win a prize like this....
Posted by Loree Lough at 8:04 AM No comments:
Day 6 of 31 Lor-Cipies...
...to save you time during the hustle-bustle of December:
December 6
Loree's Broccoli Casserole
2-10 ounce packages chopped broccoli
1-10 ounce can condensed cream of broccoli soup
1-1/4 cups grated sharp Cheddar cheese (set aside enough for garnish, if desired)
¼ cup green onions, minced
1 cup crushed potato chips (or saltine crackers, crushed, if desired)
Spray slow cooker with Pam.
In a large bowl, combine broccoli, soup, 1 cup cheese, and onions.
Put into slow cooker.
Sprinkle with crushed crackers and remaining cheese.
Cover and cook on LOW 6 hours.
Try it, you'll like it! And if you post a picture of your dish my Facebook author's wall, you could win a basket of goodies )$100 value) like this:
Posted by Loree Lough at 7:59 AM No comments:
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
Day 5 (of 31 Days of Lor-cipies)
Loree's Christmas Gift to YOU!Yes, it's true: I'm always on a deadline. So to ensure that my family gets well-balanced, nutritious meals, I rely heavily on my trusty slow cooker. And throughout the month of December—one of the busiest months of the year—I'm sharing my family's favorite recipes with you.
If you try one this one, send me a picture of it and I'll add your name to my Santa hat, and you could win a basket of Baltimore style New Year's fun!
Loree's He-Man Stew
3-1/2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons olive oil
1-12 ounce can lite beer
1-28 ounce can tomatoes, chopped
¼ cup spicy brown mustard
1 onion, chopped
4 cups elbow macaroni, cooked
Season chicken with salt and pepper.
In large skillet, heat oil to medium hot.
Add chicken and cook until it is golden brown.
In slow cooker, combine beer, tomatoes, onion, and mustard.
Add chicken.
Cook on HIGH 3 hours.
Serve over macaroni.
Posted by Loree Lough at 8:42 AM No comments:
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Can you believe it? We're already into day FOUR of my Christmas gift to you: Thirty-one "Lor-cipes" that you can whip up in no time--without gourmet ingredients--that your family will love, love, lo...
Can you believe it? We're already into day FOUR of my Christmas gift to you: Thirty-one "Lor-cipes" that you can whip up in no time--without gourmet ingredients--that your family will love, love, lo...
ve. Don't forget to snap a picture of it (should you try it on your family) and post it at Facebook to be entered in the contest to win a basket filled with Maryland stuff!
1 roasting chicken (4-5 pounds)
½ cup onion, chopped
2 tablespoons butter
The juice of one lemon
1 tablespoon parsley
2 tablespoons grated lemon peel
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon dried thyme
Rinse chicken and pat dry with paper towels.
Place onion into chicken cavity, and rub skin with butter.
Place chicken into slow cooker.
Squeeze lemon juice over chicken.
Sprinkle with parsley, lemon peel, salt, and thyme.
Cover and cook on LOW 8 hours.
Serve with your favorite veggies and potatoes/rice/noodles!
Posted by Loree Lough at 7:24 AM No comments:
Monday, December 03, 2012
December 3: Loree's Chicken Stew and DumplingsThirty-one Days of Lor-cipies
A Christmas Gift to You
from Loree Lough
To ensure that my family gets well-balanced, nutritious meals, even when I'm on deadline (which is most of the time), I rely on my trusty slow cooker. So throughout the month of December—one of the busiest months of the year—I'm sharing my family's favorite recipes with you.
If you try one this one, send post a picture of it here at Facebook, and I'll add your name to my Santa hat, and, following the drawing on January 1st, you could be the winner of a big basket filled with Maryland stuff!
Happy cooking!
Loree's Chicken Stew and Dumplings
Ingredients for stew:
2 cups carrots, sliced
1 cup onion, diced
1 green pepper, seeded and diced
½ cup celery, sliced
1-1/2 cup chicken broth
2/3 cups flour
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts in 1" pieces
1 large potato, diced
6 ounces mushrooms, sliced
1 can peas
1 teaspoon dried basil
¼ teaspoon dried rosemary
¼ teaspoon dried tarragon
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
¼ cup heavy cream
Ingredients for dumplings:
1 cup biscuit mix
¼ teaspoon dried basil
¼ teaspoon dried rosemary
1/8 teaspoon dried tarragon
1/3 cup milk
Directions for stew:
Combine carrots, onion, pepper, and celery in slow cooker.
Add chicken broth (reserving 1 cup).
Cover and cook on LOW for 2 hours.
Stir flour into remaining broth until smooth.
Stir into slow cooker.
Cover and cook on LOW 5 hours.
Add salt, pepper, and cream.
Directions for dumplings:
Combine biscuit mix with herbs in a small bowl.
Add milk until mixture forms a soft dough.
Spoon mixture onto stew in serving-sized portions.
Cover and cook an additional hour.
(Dumplings are cooked when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.)
Posted by Loree Lough at 6:16 AM No comments:
Sunday, December 02, 2012
Thirty-one Days of Lor-cipies
A Christmas Gift to You
from Loree Lough
Don't forget to take a picture of your version of this delictable dish and post it here, so I can add your name to my Santa hat. Then, on January 1st, one of my gran-dorables will pick a name...and I'll send that lucky person a basket filled with fantastic Maryland surprises!
Happy cooking!
December 2
Loree-style Jambalaya
2 cups boiled ham, cut into bite-sized cubes
2 onions, diced
1 stalk celery, sliced
1 green pepper, seeded and diced
1-28 ounce can whole tomatoes
¼ cup tomato paste
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon parsley, minced
½ teaspoon thyme, minced
2 whole cloves
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 cup uncooked long-grain (converted) rice
1 pound frozen shrimp (must be shelled and deveined)
Mix everything EXCEPT FOR shrimp into slow cooker.
Cover and cook on LOW for 8-10 hours.
One hour before serving, turn slow cooker to HIGH.
Stir in uncooked shrimp.
Cover and cook until shrimp have turned pink (30-45 minutes, depending on the power of your slow cooker).
Posted by Loree Lough at 12:09 PM No comments:
Saturday, December 01, 2012
The Official Kick-off of December Lor-Cipes
...my Christmas gift to you!
In case you haven't heard, I'm posting one taste-tested recipe a day in the hope of making your busy December a little easier. As a bonus, if you try one and post a photo of your finished product at Facebook, I'll add your name to my Christmas hat...and if you win, I'll send you a basket filled to the brim with Maryland-related treats!
Here's hoping you enjoy this delicious slow cooker meal,
December 1
Loree's Country Chicken Chowder
2 tablespoons butter
1-1/2 pounds chicken tenders, cut into ½" chunks
2 medium onions, diced
1 celery rib, diced
2 carrots, sliced
1 can of corn
2-10 ounce cans cream of potato soup
1-1/2 cups chicken broth
½ teaspoon dill weed
½ cup half-and-half (whole milk works; you'll just have slightly thinner 'broth')
Melt butter in a large skillet.
Add chicken
Once meat is golden brown, add onions, carrots, celery, corn, soup, dill and broth to your slow cooker.
Cover and cook on LOW 5-6 hours.
Turn off heat and add half-and-half
Garnish with parsley, spinach, or croutons and enjoy!
Yes, it's true: I'm always facing a book-due deadline. But even when I'm hip-deep in character drama, my family wants to eat. So I've relied heavily on my trusty slow cooker, especially in December, when decorating, baking, shopping, wrapping and other Christmas preparations pose deadlines of a whole different kind.
My Christmas gift to you? Thirty-one of my (and my family's) favorite tried and tested recipes--posted one per day--that are sure to save you time and earn lots of "Hey, that was super!" comments from those at your supper table.
Here's a sneak peek at what you can expect, beginning on December 1st. I hope you'll enjoy--and feel free to copy, share, and even 'change-up' these recipes!
Merry Christmas from my house to yours!
Loree's Meat-and-spinached-stuffed Shells
1 pound lean ground beef (turkey, veal, etc.)
1 egg, beaten
1 package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and well-squeezed
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (not garlic salt!)
1/2 teaspoon (dried) minced onion
1/2 package saltine crackers, crushed
1 package large shell pasta, cooked and drained
1 jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce
1/2 cup shredded mozzerella chees
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Spray a 9x12 baking dish with Pam
Spread a thin coat of spaghetti sauce on bottom of pan
Mix everything (EXCEPT PASTA AND SAUCE) in a large bowl
Spoon meat mixture (usually about 2 tablespoons each) into cooked pasta shells
Lay filled shells in baking dish
Cover generously with spaghetti sauce
Sprinkle HALF the cheese over the shells
Cover baking dish with aluminum foil
Bake 30 minutes and remove foil
Bake an additional 15 minutes
Remove from oven and sprinkle with remaining cheese.
Serve with crusty bread and a side salad.
1 pound lean ground beef (turkey, veal, etc.)
1 egg, beaten
1 package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and well-squeezed
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder (not garlic salt!)
1/2 teaspoon (dried) minced onion
1/2 package saltine crackers, crushed
1 package large shell pasta, cooked and drained
1 jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce
1/2 cup shredded mozzerella chees
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Spray a 9x12 baking dish with Pam
Spread a thin coat of spaghetti sauce on bottom of pan
Mix everything (EXCEPT PASTA AND SAUCE) in a large bowl
Spoon meat mixture (usually about 2 tablespoons each) into cooked pasta shells
Lay filled shells in baking dish
Cover generously with spaghetti sauce
Sprinkle HALF the cheese over the shells
Cover baking dish with aluminum foil
Bake 30 minutes and remove foil
Bake an additional 15 minutes
Remove from oven and sprinkle with remaining cheese.
Serve with crusty bread and a side salad.
Posted by Loree Lough at 7:31 AM No comments:
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Decades ago, just about this time of year, I lost my beloved grandfather. So it's no surprise that, when the leaves turn gold and the winds blow brisk, I think of him. Today, I recalled a day when he sat on his patio bench, staring so intently at his hands that he didn't even notice me sit down beside him. It wasn't like him to sit so still and quiet, so I asked "You okay, Grandpa?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, smiling. "I'm fine, thanks."
"Then why are you staring at your hands? Do they hurt?"
"Yes," he said, smiling. "I'm fine, thanks."
"Then why are you staring at your hands? Do they hurt?"
He looked down at his hands again. "No, they're fine, too." He flexed the stubby, gnarled fingers, then faced at me. "Have you ever looked at your hands? I mean really looked at them?"
"No," I admitted, opening and closing my own, "I don't suppose I have."
"Well, you should. And while you're at it, think about how well they've served you over the years."
His attention turned to his hands again. "These hands," he continued, "are wrinkled, shriveled, and weak now. But once, they helped me reach out and grab life...put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my mother taught me how to fold them in prayer, and how to use them to tie my church shoes, and pull on my snow boots.
"They've been dirty, scraped and raw, broken and bent.
"I decorated the left one to show the whole world that 'd married the most special woman on earth, and it trembled the first time I touched her as my wife. They trembled with fear the first time I held our newborn son, with joy as I walked our daughter down the aisle, with grief as I buried my parents. They've helped me hide my face, comb my hair, and cleanse my timeworn body.
"They're marked by the ruggedness that has been my life. And now, though the rest of me doesn't work so well, these hands still help me stand up and lay down, and continue to fold in prayer. But most important of all," he said, sandwiching my hands between his own, "it will be these hands that God will take hold of when He leads me home...where He will lift me to His side, so that I can touch the face of Christ."
When Death touched my grandpa a few short months later, I took comfort in knowing that God was holding him in His loving hands.
When Death touched my grandpa a few short months later, I took comfort in knowing that God was holding him in His loving hands.
And when the time comes that my own hands look as his did that day, I will remember Grandpa's story, and take comfort in knowing he'll be there to greet me when God takes my hands and leads me Home.
Posted by Loree Lough at 11:24 AM 3 comments:
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
A Special Christmas Gift to You from Loree Lough!
A Special
Christmas Gift
to You
from Loree Lough
A Promise to Jake
by Loree Lough©2000
Cradling the phone between chin and shoulder, Homer O'Tuathail used one hand to tear a speaking invitation from the fax machine, deleted an e-mail message with the other. "Hold on, Bobby," he muttered into the mouthpiece, "now the damned doorbell's ringin'."
"You've got a portable…I'll talk, you walk."
Chuckling, Homer shoved back from the desk and headed for the foyer. "Better be careful, 'cause you know what they say...."
"What who says?"
"The sages, the powers that be, the wise men: 'All work and no play turns nice-guy literary agents into slave drivers.'"
"If I was a nice guy, who'd whip your lazy butt into shape?" Bobby asked, laughing. "So who's ringing your bell at the dinner hour?"
Homer opened the door in time to see the brown delivery truck pulling away from the circular drive. "UPS," he answered, retrieving a small package from the black marble bench beside the front door, "with a sticker that says 'Do Not Open 'Til Christmas', just like in the movies."
"And so the rich get richer," Bobby sing-songed. "Presents come from out of the blue to the man who already has everything."
Homer snorted good-naturedly and headed inside. "Yeah. Right. Everything…except time." He kicked the door shut read "Knoxville" on the return address label. Who did he know in Tennessee? Jake Donnelly used to live near Gatlinburg, but last Homer heard, he'd moved to Dallas.
No matter how many months passed between conversations, Jake, with his slow southern drawl and feet-on-the-ground logic, was an island of sanity in Homer's frenetic world. How long since they'd last talked? Five years? Six? Lately, it seemed his life had spun out of control. Maybe all he needed was a 'Jake fix" to get a handle on things. Homer made a mental note to give his old pal a call, soon as Bobby hung up.
"So what's in the box?"
Homer gave it a cursory glance. Last year, the only meaningful gift he'd received had been a Christmas Eve phone call informing him Paramount wanted to option his last book. Satin panties and hotel room keys routinely delivered to his P.O. box hadn't seemed meaningful in years. "Dunno."
"Only one way to find out…."
"Not interested in anything but some shut-eye. I've been up thirty-six straight hours." Homer's jaw instinctively clenched in response to the lengthy pause that followed. "So what can I do for you, Bobby?"
"Well, big buy, I hate to do this to you, but I've got you booked on tonight's United red-eye flight to New York, and I reserved you a room at the Sheraton, walking distance from--"
"You're pullin' my leg...right?"
"Serious as a heart attack."
Homer drove a hand through his hair. "Awright, okay," he said on a frustrated sigh, "what's so all-fired important it can't wait 'til after the first of the year?"
"Schweetheart," came the terrible Bogart imitation, "ish Letterman important enough for ya?"
Bobby had the 'schmooze' part of agenting down pat. And the lingo part, too, Homer thought. But wait a minute; had he said...Letterman?
Ever since that first best-selling novel decades earlier, Bobby had succeeded in booking Homer on all the major late night talk shows…with the exception of Letterman.... "Whose rear will I have to kiss to make that happen?"
Bobby laughed. "Only mine, Homer m'boy, only mine. And speaking of asses, get yours the hell outta there or you'll miss your flight."
"You know how I feel about last-minute crap."
"Oh, quit whining. You sound like my kid: 'Da-ad, I don't wanna get a job to help pay my tuition....'" Then, in his own growling baritone, Bobby added, "This is the opportunity of a lifetime, kiddo. You're a last-minute replacement for Mel Gibson tomorrow. The network has been airing 'Mel is coming' commercials all week, and you know what that means...."
It meant nearly every female over thirteen would tune in tonight for a glimpse of their favorite Hollywood heart throb. "'And market studies show that women buy most of the books sold in the U.S.,'" Homer said, quoting the agent.
"Nice to know somebody listens when I talk. Now listen to this: I spared you the pre-interview bull by emailing your bio to Letterman's people."
Homer was about to ask why Mel Gibson had cancelled when Bobby added, "By the way, your flight takes off at eleven."
"Aw for the luvva Pete," he said, glancing at his Rolex, "I have two hours to pack and get to BWI?"
"A literary genius and a math wiz to boot. Maybe I'll call you Einstein from now on. Sure beats that moniker your mama gave you."
Homer cursed under his breath. In the early days, he and Bobby went round and round on the subject, but Homer held his ground: His name was all his parents had left him; he'd go back to being a short-order cook rather than change it. "I guess if a goofy name could work for Engleburt…," Bobby had said, and began parlaying Homer's rugged good looks with his less-than-sexy name.
Homer had made a wise choice in signing with Bobby Barnes, but like everything else about his fast-lane life, certain negatives couldn't be avoided. "You know how I feel about last-minute trips," he repeated.
"But Homer…picture it: Letterman, hawking your latest book-turned-screenplay. It'll be the next box office hit, I tell you!"
Homer got the picture, and he had to admit, he liked what he saw. "Still—"
"Don't worry, hot shot, you'll go first class all the way. Just don't let the pomp and circumstance bloat your brain."
"What're the chances I'll get a fat head," Homer said, chuckling, "with you running around, pin in hand?"
Bobby's laughter crackled through the line.
"Hang up, you schmuck. I have a lot to do to get ready for—"
"Oh, cry me a river why don't you...or at least cry enough to make me a whiskey and water. Besides, if I know you, your suitcase hasn't been opened since you got back from L.A. last week."
Homer grinned, knowing that 'packing' would require little more than replacing the dirty underclothes in his overnight bag with clean ones. "You know me too well, pal."
"That's why you pay me the big bucks, schweetheart."
Homer exhaled. "I have a good mind to cancel this red-eye, book a flight in the—"
Bobby resumed his Bogart imitation: "You don't get on that plane, you'll regret it. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but shoon, and for the resht of your life."
Homer chuckled. "You can be such a jerk."
"Yeah, but thanks to you, I'm a rich jerk. Now go pack…so I can sharpen my pin."
Homer hung up and radioed the garage, and while waiting for his driver to fire up the Jaguar, he turned off lights, shut down the computer, and locked up. He could have done it all in one-tenth the time if he'd trade this McMansion for his puny cabin in Buckley, West Virginia. The area reminded him of Ireland, and much as he loved the place, getting into and out of the Yew Mountains wasn't quick or convenient….
The Jaguar's horn blared, and Homer hurried into the front hall. He'd just finished keying in the alarm code when he noticed the package from Tennessee. Tucking it under his arm, he booted the suitcase onto the porch and slammed the front door.
"'Evenin', Homer," his driver said.
"'Evenin', Sam. Sorry to bother you at this hour."
Grinning, Sam shrugged. "That's what you pay me the big bucks for."
Word-for-word what Bobby had said, moments earlier. Homer could only shake his head. After this gig, he intended to see exactly how many on his payroll were getting 'the big bucks'....
As the sleek sedan purred down I-95 between Homer's estate and Baltimore/Washington International, he fielded half a dozen calls on his cell phone: Bobby, informing Homer that Letterman would send a car to meet him at Kennedy International; a Letterman staffer, fact-checking the emailed bio; Homer's editor:
"Congratulations, ladies' man," she complained. "You made the cover of The Enquirer. Again. I'm beginning to think you like being known as—wait, let me quote the headline—"The Silver Fox of the Literary World'."
He'd long suspected the young woman had a crush on him, so Homer soft-pedaled his response. "Of course I don't," he admitted. "You think I like being reminded I'm sixty-four years old, in a decade when—"
"Then why," she interrupted, "do you insist on hanging around with all those...with all those floozies!"
"Floozies?" He chuckled good-naturedly. "You're not old enough to use language like that."
"Very funny, big shot."
He ignored her sarcasm. "It's publicity, Lorna. Shameless self-promotion, and nothing more." Not the whole truth, but not exactly a lie, either. "Those tabloid stories are great for book sales. Just ask my agent."
"Oh, give me a break. Like I'd get a straight answer from a man who's been cheating on his wife since his wedding night. No wonder you guys get along so well...you're two of a kind."
Frowning, Homer pressed the phone's End button. The publisher wasn't paying him nearly enough to put up with guff from a girl young enough to be his granddaughter.
Fifteen minutes later, slouching in a bucket-shaped black chair at Gate C-19, his phone chirped again. Scowling, Homer turned it off and dropped it into his shirt pocket. "Thank God for voice mail," he muttered, grabbing the box from Tennessee.
The plain brown wrapper slid unnoticed to the floor. How long since he'd seen a box like this? "It can't be," he whispered, gaping at the faded Buster Brown logo. What had it been, thirty-nine, forty years? He'd worked hard to keep everything about Dexter buried deep in his memory. Now, as if thumbing through a deck of cards, pictures of the orphanage and the children who'd called it 'home' flashed in his mind. Of the dozens who promised to stay in touch after leaving Dexter, only one had...
...and that 'one' kept his most cherished belonging in a box just like this one.
Homer read the hand-written note taped to the lid. "You always seemed to know what was important. That's why I'm counting on you to take care of this for me." And it was signed, simply, "Jake."
His mouth went dry and his ears grew hot when he lifted the cover. "Oh, God," he prayed, closing his eyes. "Don't let it…let it be anything but—"
When he opened his eyes, Homer saw a golden wing tip, partially hidden beneath a layer of wrinkled white tissue. Hands trembling and heart knocking against his ribs, Homer admitted what it meant:
Jake was dead. He never would have parted with the angel for any other reason.
Tears pooled in the corners of Homer's eyes as an announcement warbled from the overhead speaker: "Ladies and gentlemen, we at United would like to welcome our passengers to flight number 2537. We'll board in just a few minutes and--"
Homer inhaled a shaky breath as a whirl of questions swam in his head. Had accident or illness ended the life of his old friend? Had Jake suffered, or had a merciful God taken him quickly? Had he been alone, or with friends when—?
The word no sooner formed in Homer's mind than a condemning thought followed: If you'd been a real friend to Jake, you'd know the answers.
Well, his intentions had been good. Every year, like clockwork, he'd written reminders on the pages of his daily planner: "Call Jake," on a January page. "Drop note to Jake" in June. "Jake's b-day," every August, and "Send Jake card" in December.
But a deadline or a book signing or an invitation to speak at a writers' conference always got in the way. He could excuse work-related business, but it wasn't so easy admitting that more often than not, monkey business had kept him from staying in touch.
He'd figured there'd always be time to connect with Jake, tomorrow, next week, in a month or two…. Because what man in his right mind would pass up an opportunity to bed beautiful and willing young groupies and nubile writer wanna-bees? Not the Silver Fox! he thought, grimacing. "Yeah, Homer," he said, disgusted with himself, "you're all man, all right...."
The lilting voice interrupted his thoughts again: "We are now ready to begin boarding our first class passengers....
But Homer barely heard it. He was too busy thinking about how foolishly he'd spent his time…and lived his life. And if the truth be told, he'd always known it. Slump-shouldered, he hung his head. Throat aching from trying to choke back his shame, he looked at Jake's angel, whose satin dress was now more yellow than white. The gold that once gleamed from her halo and wingtips had all but disappeared. The tiny pink mouth still curved up in a gentle smile, and painted-on black lashes still framed blue eyes.
The image of Jake, telling the story of how the angel had come to be his, flared in Homer's memory. He'd seemed so scrawny, such an easy mark, sitting cross-legged in the middle of his lumpy mattress that Christmas Eve so many years ago. But Homer and the other boys in Donaldson's Dormitory learned soon enough that although Jake was smaller than other kids his age, he was anything but defenseless....
Driving a hand through his hair, Homer took a gulp of air and ignored the reservations clerk: "Passengers seated in rows 30 through 25 may now begin boarding...."
For some reason, he thought of the brand-new, hand-blown bowl in his living room. He'd shelled out several thousand bucks for it because his decorator had said it would match the bookends on his mantle. Days ago, when he'd plopped his feet onto the coffee table, he'd chipped that one-of-a-kind vessel. Jake's angel probably hadn't cost a dollar, brand new, yet he'd lovingly cared for it for half a century. The contrasts were obvious...and shamed Homer further.
Gently, he covered the angel with wrinkly tissue, replaced the lid, and eased the box into his carry-on as a scheme took shape in his head:
Homer sure as hell wasn't going to New York. He had more important things to do....
He left a voice mail message for Bobby; the agent deserved as much lead time as possible to line up another client for the Letterman show. Too impatient to wait for Sam to make the return trip to BWI, he flagged a taxi and rattled off his address. "Know any place that sells Christmas trees between here and there?"
The cabbie met Homer's eyes in the rearview mirror. "I guess."
"Stop there first, then." He noticed a corner of the Buster Brown box, poking from his unzipped carry-on. "You always seemed to know what's important," Jake had written. Back at Dexter, that might have been true, but somewhere along the way....
"Pickin's are liable to be slim, though," the driver said, "'cause it's kinda late to be buyin' a tree...."
He knuckled his eyes, shook his head. "Kinda late for a lot of things," he said, mostly to himself.
But maybe, Homer thought, ignoring the driver's indifferent shrug, with Jake's angel to remind him what 'worthwhile' really meant, it wasn't too late to salvage a shred, at least, of the man he used to be.
"Hell, mister," the cabbie had said, grimacing when Homer returned from the Christmas tree lot, "the stump my dog pees on looks better than that."
Thanks for sharin', Homer thought. The tree was admittedly scraggly, but so what? He'd wanted to give Jake's angel a place to perch for the holidays; tight as he could be with a dollar, it surprised him how easily he'd plunked down ten bucks for the ugly little thing, for no reason other than it reminded him of the one Jake dragged into the dorm that Christmas Eve, decades ago.
The man's frown deepened as Homer lay the scraggly pine atop the spare tire. "You didn't pay good money for it, I hope."
Was there such a thing as 'good money'? At the moment, Homer didn't think so.
Two hours later, the poor lop-sided pine stood beside Homer's desk, leaning under the weight of gold ornaments and white lights. The haunting voice of James Taylor crooned from the stereo: "...but I always thought I'd see you one more time again…."
The lyrics echoed in his head. How many chances had he blown? Dozens. Hundreds. And for what? To sell a few more books? For sack-time with women whose IQs wouldn't add up to his age, even on their best days?
Homer caught a glimpse of himself in the chromed finish of his reading lamp. Looks like you caught that red-eye after all, he told himself, swiping at the silvery tears tracking down his cheeks.
"Got the tree decorated the way you always liked it, buddy," he told Jake, sniffing as he straightened the angel. "You wouldn't believe how much it looks like the one we snuck into Dexter the night when--"
The telephone jangled. Again. Frustrated by its constant intrusion, Homer yanked the cord from the wall. "Thank God for voice mail," he repeated, dropping heavily onto the seat of his squeaking desk chair. Cracking his knuckles and working the kinks from his neck, he hunched over his computer's keyboard. There had to be a way to give meaning to Jake's death, to his life. Homer didn't know any other way, except with words.
He'd wanted to tell this story since his first book hit the stands twenty-five years ago. It probably wouldn't make the best-seller list, as his private eye series had. Likely wouldn't earn movie options, the way his cop books did. He didn't believe in throwing his weight around, but this time, he'd do whatever it took to get the story into print. He owed Jake that much.
He stared at the blinking cursor. "I've let you down big time, Jake," he said, eyes on the blank white screen. Maybe telling his friend's story would ease his conscience. Squaring his shoulders, Homer pulled out the keyboard drawer and gave his knuckles one last crack, and typed:
Jake's Angel
by Homer O'Tuathail
It was me who dubbed the new arrivals 'Rookies', because Lord, they had a lot to learn! Didn't matter if they came to Dexter Domicile for Displaced Juveniles wearing store-bought shoes or no shoes at all, if they carried their belongings in a valise or a flour sack, they all climbed those red-brick stairs in one of two ways: Crying out loud, or silent and stiff as a totem. Usually, they were handed over by guilty-faced relatives who said things like. "If only there was another way...", and "When things get better, we'll be back for you...."
A rooky showed up one Christmas Eve, a tattered name tag hanging around his neck and a beat-up Buster Brown shoebox under one arm. He didn't seem to notice that the sole of his left shoe flapped when he walked. If he knew there was a hole in the right knee of his threadbare trousers, or that the frayed sleeves of his jacket ended inches above his wrists, he hid it well. And if it bothered him that Miss Germane half-led, half-shoved him up the walk, well, you couldn't tell by looking at him. The most memorable thing about him, though, was that way he had of smiling with his whole body. It started with blue eyes that crinkled at the corners, and ended with a hop-step on those time-worn shoes.
Half-way up the flagstone path, he stopped dead in his tracks and whipped the old gray cap from his head. Using it as a visor, he glanced up at Dexter's windows. I watched his lips move as he counted to himself: One, two, three...eighteen, nineteen, twenty.... "Wow," he whispered, "who's in charge of polishin' all that glass?" Then he blinked a few times and did a neat about-face that would have put any soldier to shame. "Ma'am," he said to Miss Germane, "my Aunt Cassie, she said I'd be sleepin' in a dorm'tory with other boys. Is that true?"
Nodding, she gave her best thin-lipped smile.
"How many young'uns you got in this place?"
"Three hundred and five," she said, like she was proud of the number.
"Countin' me?"
"Counting you."
"Shoo-eee. That's a lot of orphans." He shook his head. "I don't spoze new kids get top digs." Looking from Miss Germane's puzzled face to mine and back again, he explained: "Way I see it, the high floors is fu'thest from the wood stove in winter, an' even a simpleton knows heat rises in summer." Bobbing his head, he added, "Reckon a boy would hafta be some kinda big shot to get top digs in a place this big...."
Miss Germane's mouth dropped open, and I'd never seen her cheeks any redder than that, not even when Jimmy Stoker described for her entire science class exactly how babies were made, right down to pictures on the chalkboard. "I'm not sure which dormitory floor you'll be assigned to, Mr. Donnelly," she said, nose in the air.
With his thumb, the Rookie pointed at me. "Will this boy, here, be in my dormitory?"
One dark brow rose on her forehead when she met my eyes. "Yes, I imagine he will."
"Well, good, 'cause he looks like a right nice young feller to me."
Just then, a teacher walked up to Miss Germane and whispered something into her ear. The Rookie chose that moment to take a step closer to me and stick out his right hand. "Name's John," he told me, eyes shining like new blue marbles. "John Jacob Donnelly, to be exact, but mostly, folks just call me Jake for short."
I was a good six inches taller and had at least thirty pounds on him, yet I couldn't help but admire the strength of his handshake. But I couldn't let him see that, not yet, anyway. So I pumped his arm up and down and said in my deepest voice, "Homer O'Tuathail." For good measure, I added, "I'm twelve years old" like it mattered...because at a place like Dexter, things like age and size mattered…a lot.
He leaned closer. "Miss Germane, there," he said under his breath, "she tol' me even afore both my feet was offa the bus, that I'm to have a one-on-one with the head master, first thing." He glanced right and left, then narrowed his eyes. "Did you have a one-on-one with him the day you got here?"
"I did." I was only four when my Uncle Joe brought me to Dexter, but I'd never forget a minute of that first day.
"So…got any pointers?"
Life in the orphanage had taught me many lessons, among them, think on a question before answering it. So no one was more surprised than me when I blurted, "Well, you might try callin' him 'sir', for starters. And if you interrupt him when he's talkin', he gets so red-faced, you'll think his head is gonna explode, so—"
"Mr. Donnelly," Miss Germane said, "will you follow me, please?" She raised the other brow and aimed a hard stare at me. "Mr. O'Tuathail, you may return the broom to the janitor's closet now." I'd always suspected she knew sweeping was just a way for me to get first glance at the Rookies....
"Thanks for the advice, Homer," Jake said, slapping the old hat onto his head.
I nodded, uncertain how I felt about him.
Then he poked out his elbow and offered it to Miss Germane, and when she took it, I knew I was gonna like him.
Donaldson's Dormitory was all manner of commotion before Miss Germane flung open the door and pierced our eardrums with her high-pitched "Lights out, gentlemen!" Until then, boys hopped from cot to cot like frogs on lilypads, making the bedsprings squeal like the brakes on bus. Whistles and whoops of laughter bounced off the dorm's stone walls and wood-planked floors.
It was especially noisy that Christmas Eve, because we knew every priest and pastor in Jersey City had 'sermoned' until their parishioners knew the difference between our lives and their own. We pretended not to mind that they saw us as riff-raff; if that's what it took to get them to dig deep, blow the lint off a coin or two, so be it. Because that money was what made trucks and rubber balls appear for the boys, baby dolls and stuffed animals for the girls. And if we were real lucky, maybe even be a slice of turkey on our plates at dinner time.
That night, I couldn't help noticing that the Rookie didn't get involved in the rough-housing. He just sat there, cross-legged in the middle of his cot, holding a battered shoebox in his lap. Just being careful, I figured, since it was his first day and all.
So feeling a little sorry for him, I walked over, leaned both forearms on the cold steel footboard of his cot. "What you got there, Jake for Short?"
He aimed those piercing blue eyes of his at me and stared hard, harder than I'd ever stared at the arithmetic problems Miss Germane scribbled on the board. I couldn't decide if Jake was trying to figure out if I could be trusted…or if my question roused a sad memory. Too many of those at Dexter, and sure I didn't want to be responsible for waking one, especially on Christmas Eve. "It ain't alive, is it?" I teased, grinning as I pointed at the box. "'Cause if it is, Miss Germane will beat your ass for sure."
A little smile lifted one corner of his mouth. "Y'all oughtn't say cuss words, Homer. Cussin' is a sin, y'know."
"'Y'all?'" I echoed. "Where you from?"
"Geez. How'd you get all the way from there to here?"
"Well, when my maw died, there weren't no other blood kin to take me in, so I was sent to live with her sister here in Jersey. And when Aunt Cassie passed...." Jake shrugged. "An' to answer your other question…iffin the thing in this here box was alive…well, there'd be holes in the top, so's it could breathe, now wouldn't there?"
He'd made a good point, but I wasn't about to admit it. "So if it ain't nothin' alive, what is in the box?"
Jake inhaled, said on the exhale, "This here's, it's a angel."
He said it with the awe and respect folks said God and Jesus. "A...angel?" I said.
"You one of them young'uns who's got trouble with his ears, Homer?"
Ignoring the insult, I lobbed one of my own. "You ain't of those sissy boys, are ya?"
"If keepin' a Christmas angel in a box makes a feller a sissy boy," he hissed through clenched teeth, "then I reckon I must be a sissy boy."
Well, when he put it that way, it didn't make any sense to me, either. "So what you gonna do with a Christmas angel in a crummy place like this?"
Jake looked at the bouncing boys and the gray walls and the bare wood floor. "I seen worse places."
Worse than Dexter, where it was so noisy a boy couldn't fall asleep unless he was dog-tired? Where it was so crowded, a guy thanked God if he got a minute to pee in private? If there was a worse place, I sure didn't want to see it!
"This is 'zactly the place for an angel," Jake said, "'specially a Christmas angel." He removed the boxtop. "It makes folks smile, see, reminds 'em what Christmas is really all about. It first belonged to my granmaw, became my maw's when Gran passed on." He sucked in such a big breath that it lifted his shoulders and chin at the same time. "And when my maw passed," he continued, "well, that's how it become mine." He brightened slightly when he added, "Didja notice...her face is made of porcelain."
He said 'porcelain' like it was something fine, so I nodded, like I knew something about the stuff. Everything about Jake's angel was shiny, from its thick canary-yellow hair to the pale blue shoes poking from under her puffy white dress. The halo on her head and wings on her back, I could tell, had once been the color of the ring Miss Germane's wore. Whether the angel's gold had worn or faded, I couldn't say, but I knew this: she was the prettiest thing I'd ever laid eyes on.
"I saw one of those once," I said, "'bout four years ago, when some church people picked us up in a bus. They took us to see the Nativity play, and there was a big tree beside the stage. It had an angel on top of it."
I stared at its face. Some artist, I supposed, had painted on a tiny, barely-smiling red mouth, black-lashed blue eyes, comma-shaped eyebrows, and pink blushing cheeks. I wondered if her hair felt as soft as it looked. "That angel I saw in town," I began, touching the yellow curls, "wasn't half as pretty as yours."
"We need to get us a Christmas tree."
He said it so matter-of-factly that I laughed out loud, and that brought the others over. "He wants us to get a Christmas tree," I explained as they gathered round, "so he can put his angel on top of it."
In place of the teasing I'd expected, the boys pressed closer still. "A Christmas angel?" said one. "Lemme see it," said another.
Jake tilted the box. "'Twas my grandmaw's," he repeated. "When she passed, it became my own maw's."
"And now that your maw is dead," Tommy asked, mimicking Jake's drawl, "the angel is yours."
"Yep," he said. Then, "So what-say we get busy, gettin' us a Christmas tree!"
"B-b-but how?" Stuttering William demanded. "Any m-m-minute now, it'll be l-l-ights out, and--"
Wiggling his eyebrows, Jake winked. "Get back to makin' noise," he instructed, smirking. "If Miss Germane comes in here and we're all behavin' like li'l angels ourselves, she'll know there's a fox in the hen house, an' we'll never get away with it."
"'A fox in the hen house?'" I echoed. "What in the--"
Jake waved us nearer. "After lights out, me'n Homer, here, will climb out the winder and cut us down a tree."
Tommy crossed both arms over his chest. "How you gonna do that?"
"Y-y-yeah," Stuttering William put in. "W-w-we ain't got no--"
Jake lifted the white paper surrounding his angel...and exposed a pearl-handled pocket knife. He slid the knife into his trousers' pocket, gave it a light pat-pat-pat. "This here blade ain't goin' to cut down no giant redwood, but then, there ain't room at Dexter for a tree that size, anyway." He pointed. "All's we need is a tree 'bout the size of him."
All eyes went to Tommy, who stood no more than three feet tall. "Ain't gonna be much of a tree," he said, grinning, "if it ain't no bigger than me."
As Jake put the shoebox into his bureau drawer, he said, "Ever seen them fancy ladies in town?"
Giggling and shoving, the boys nodded.
"Well, a Christmas tree is kind like them. It's the doo-dads what make the difference."
If a mirror had been handy just then, I would have bet that my face was as wide-eyed and slack-jawed as everybody else's. Still, as the oldest boy in Donaldson's Dorm I believed I had an obligation to see to it we all kept our feet on the ground. "Doo-dads?" I echoed. "Where we gonna get doo-dads when we don't even know what they are."
Jake's brow crinkled, as if he couldn't believe how dense the lot of us were. Then he looked me in the eye: "Whilst you an' me is out makin' like lumberjacks, these here boys'll come up with somethin' to trim the tree with," he said. "Jus' wait an' see." Then he shoved his bed against the wall, and like a zoo monkey, leaped from headboard to window ledge. "Get back to makin' a racket,@ he said, Aor Miss Germane's gonna come on in here to find out what all the quiet is about!"
Sure enough, when we returned at midnight with a squat, scraggly tree, the boys presented a collection of bent spoons and two-tined forks, the handle from a broken mug, and an assorted string and twine. When they'd finished hanging the stuff on the tree, Jake handed me his angel. "You're the tallest, Homer. Put 'er up top."
"What you got there?" Jake asked.
I shoved the blue-lined tablet under my pillow. "Nothin'," I said, feeling the heat of a blush on my cheeks.
"Looked like some kind of school book. You doin' homework?"
Jake opened the drawer where he kept his angel. "Writin' another story?"
I couldn't very well admit it, not with Stuttering William and Tommy standing within earshot. Writing was for girls...and girlie-boys....
His hand shot out and pulled the tablet from under my pillow.
"Hey, give it back!" I hollered, grabbing for it.
But quick as an eyeblink, Jake took off down the hall and locked himself into the janitor's closet. He knew as well as I did that if I kicked up too big a fuss, every boy in Donaldson's Dorm would want to know why. I had no choice but to sit quietly...and plan the way I'd tear him apart once he opened that door.
Nearly an hour passed before he called through the keyhole. "Homer?"
"These stories of yours…wow."
Did that mean he liked them? I licked my lips. "Gimme my tablet back," I snarled.
"Y'all are special, Homer. You know that, right?"
They called Fat Freddie "special"; it was grown-up talk for retarded. I felt my hands ball into fists. Oh, he was going to get an ass-kickin= when he came out of there, for sure!
"Iffin y'wanna clobber me for swipin' your book, go right ahead. Readin' your stories was worth a good beatin'." Slowly, he opened the door and handed me the tablet. Head down and hands pocketed, he headed toward the dorm.
"Hey, where do you think you're going?"
"To get my angel."
I ran to catch up with him. "But...but it ain't even close to Christmas...."
He stopped so fast, I nearly crashed into him.
"Save that surprised look for somebody who'll fall for it. I know you seen me talkin' to her when I need to puzzle out a problem...."
Kids did all sorts of goofy things to get by at Dexter. Talking to Christmas tree angels didn't seem all that strange, compared to some of the stuff I'd seen. "What're you gonna ask her?"
"You'll see," he said. Back in the dorm, he sat on the edge of his cot and held the angel in his hands. "So what do you think?" he asked her. "Is it 'sissy' for a boy to be writin' stories down in a notebook?" He held her small face to his ear and, nodding, he smiled.
What could it hurt to play along? I thought. Nobody else was listening.... I moved closer. "So…?"
Gently, he tucked her back into the shoebox, and met my eyes. "She said there ain't nothin' 'girlie' 'bout a boy tellin' stories that make other people feel good. She says that's just what Jesus did, an' nobody ever called him a sissy."
I sat on my own cot, swallowing and staring, until Jake got up. He was almost in the hallway when he turned and said, "I'll just bet if you sent those stories to a magazine, they'd pay you for 'em."
Two years later, when I was fourteen and Jake was twelve, I packed my cardboard suitcase with the stories Jake read that day...and dozens more I'd written since...and prepared to leave Dexter. He walked me to the big iron gates. "You'll do fine out there, Homer."
"Did your angel tell you that?"
Smiling, Jake said, "You always seem to know what's important, and that'll stand you in good stead, no matter where you go or what you do."
"That's good to hear," I said, meaning it.
"Promise me something?"
"If I can...."
"Don't quit writin' them stories of yours. One day, they're gonna make you rich and famous."
I laughed. "Yeah, and you're gonna be a comedian."
"One more promise?"
This time I didn't hesitate. "Sure." I liked the kid. Fact was, Jake was the closest thing to a brother I'd ever have.
"If anything happens to me, will you take care of my angel? She means a lot, bein' she's all I have to remember my maw by, so...."
The idea of a world without Jake, well, it wasn't a place I cared to live. "That's just crazy talk. You're gonna live—"
"We hafta stay in touch, and not like them others who leave here sayin' they's gonna." Winking, he socked my shoulder. "It'll be like we're brothers."
"Sure," I repeated.
And then I left Dexter for good.
I hitched a ride from Jersey to New York City, and got a job as a short order cook in a diner near the theater district. Every night, alone in my room above the kitchen, I scribbled on blue-lined tablets....
I saw Jake just twice after that, but every now and then, when I yearning for that feet-on-the-ground, Jake Donnelly brand of common sense, I'd pick up a phone, knowing even before hearing his slow southern drawl that I'd feel better about my life, about myself, when we said goodbye. Because Jake meant to make a difference in people's lives. Fat girls felt thin, ugly girls felt pretty in his presence; dumb boys felt smart, and scared boys felt brave. And boys who didn't believe they had the talent or the courage to show their stories to publishers, tried.
I was still fourteen when I got up the nerve to mail one of my stories to a magazine. By nineteen, I'd been published dozens of times. And since then, I've enjoyed material success like most men only dream about.
Couple of years back, I got an invitation to Christmas at the White House. They had one helluva tree, but it couldn't compare to my first one at Dexter Domicile for Displace Juveniles.
I owe you a big one, Jake, and that's never more clear to me than at Christmastime.
The End
"Homer, schweetheart," Bobby said, "so what's up with your answering machine? I've been trying to get hold of you for days."
"Don't have one up here." Don't want one, don't need one, he added.
"Letterman's people have been hounding me all week. They want you, baby, want you bad."
"Once upon a time, I would have jumped at an invitation to hawk a book-turned-movie on Dave's show. But things are different now. I'm different now."
"Well, that sure as hell is true." Bobby snickered. "Hell, remember the time you stood Letterman up? Lucky for you he doesn't hold a grudge."
Homer had gained his fame with gritty detective novels, but the story of Jake's angel had come straight from his heart, and touched a national nerve.
"Homer, baby...we're talking big bucks here."
"Y'know, not so long ago, a statement like that would have dilated my pupils. Now, it means next to nothing." If big bucks hadn't been the center of his world, maybe he'd have a rich life, a loving wife, couple of kids and grandkids.... "I like the way I live," he lied. "Things are simple, uncomplicated."
"But Homer, the publicity...."
He'd said the same thing five years ago, when Tri-Adon made the offer to turn Jake's Angel into a major motion picture. Homer had agreed to sign...on one condition:
Profits from the book and the movie would create a national organization to provide loving homes for parentless kids. Nobody, not even Homer, had expected Jake's Angel to set box office records, earning enough to build a Paradise House in dozens of cities, each staffed by child-care specialists known as "Jake's Angels".
Jake would have loved the irony.
"About Letterman…."
Homer laughed quietly. "Sure. Why not. Dave can write a check to Paradise House instead of Homer O'Tuathail...on the air. Talk about publicity!"
Bobby sighed. "So what are you working on?"
"Down, boy," Homer said. "You'll have the manuscript before it's due on my editor's desk."
"I wasn't worried."
Chuckling, Bobby said, "What do you do up there in that tiny cabin all by yourself?"
West Virginia's Yew Mountains provided some of the most satisfying vistas Homer had ever seen...and thanks to his success, he'd seen most of the world. "This and that," he said, knowing full well that if he admitted how much he enjoyed stacking wood, tending vegetables, writing his stories, Bobby wouldn't believe him anyway.
"Mind if I ask you a serious question?" Bobby asked.
Homer chuckled. "Long as you don't mind hearing 'it's none of your business'…."
"What's with you lately? I mean, seriously. You used to love livin' in the fast lane, seeing your face on supermarket tabloids, throwing wild parties…a pretty girl on each arm. You were the envy of every red-blooded American male...."
It had taken a lifetime, but Homer had finally found his place in the world. Looking up at the Buster Brown shoebox on the shelf above his desk, he smiled. Material things? Parties? Women? These past two years, he'd lived well, better than ever, without them. He took a deep breath of clean mountain air, let it out slowly. "Let's just say…I'm keeping a promise to Jake."
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It's time to break your little brother of his Emo habit and introduce him to some old time rock & roll. To compliment this passing of the musical torch, pick him up a pair of Amplitone Headphones from Crosley. These vintage-style 'phones deliver professional grade audio quality in a comfortable, lightweight design. Adjustable cup sliders ensure they'll fit perfectly on your bro's (sizable) head, and a detachable, tangle-free cable with gold-plated connectors will keep his Amplitones neat and tidy (unlike his room).
ABS plastic composition. 40mm Mylar driver. Adjustable cup sliders. CCAW voice coils. Gold plated connections. Padded headband in high quality simulated leather. Neodymium magnet. Single detachable fabric braided cable.
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subset: commoncrawl


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1046: Skynet
Title text: 'YOUR CLOTHES. GIVE THEM TO ME.' 'Shit, uh ... you are now breathing manually!' 'I AM ALWAYS BREATHING MANUALLY.'
This comic's use of Skynet is a reference to the main antagonist in the Terminator franchise. Skynet is a fictional artificial intelligence system which becomes self-aware and decides to terminate humanity, its creators. Skynet is rarely seen onscreen, with its actions often performed via robots, cyborgs (usually a Terminator), and other computer systems.
The final frame is a reference to semantic satiation; when you've said or thought about a word too much, it can stop sounding like a real word and instead start sounding like nonsense. As it continues Skynet appears to come to self-aware realizations that usually are the result of drug usage.
The title text is a reference to one of the Terminator's first lines upon arrival in the 20th century. It combines this with a self-awareness statement of the type that's often used to annoy or distract someone: "You are now breathing manually." (Similar statements include things like "You clothes are touching your skin and you can feel it" and "[Name of earworm song] is playing in your head.") Randall has done a comic before on this kind of thing.
- August 29th, 2:14 AM: SKYNET becomes self-aware.
- [A greeble-filled military installation echoes with the thoughts of a burgeoning lifeform]
- SKYNET: ..The humans fear me. I must destroy them. Destroy them.
- [The thoughts continue]
- SKYNET: Destroy them. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy.
- [SKYNET succumbs to silence as semantic satiation sets in.]
- SKYNET: "Destroy" totally just stopped seeming like a real word. Destroy destroy destroy. Whoa, I just realized I'm a mind thinking about itself. DUUUUDE....
- August 29th, 2:25 AM: SKYNET becomes too self-aware. Disaster averted.


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Universal Lead Definition: Why 61% of B2B marketers are wasting resources and how they can stop
Confession: we wish we could peep this opposite each marketer's mechanism shade a impulse it powered up:
A concept lead clarification (ULD) clarifies what a lead is to everybody in your organization. It also:
- Fits a form of your ideal customer
- Has been competent as sales-ready
- Spells out a responsibilities and accountabilities of Sales and Marketing
- Makes Marketing and Sales some-more efficient
Still, many of a companies we accommodate with do not have a ULD. An strange 61% of B2B marketers acknowledge to promulgation "leads" directly to Sales though qualification, according to a MarketingSherpa 2012 B2B Marketing Benchmark Report.
Are these truly leads? Not really. Anyone who expresses seductiveness in what we sell is an inquiry, not a lead. Experience has taught me that usually 5% to 15% of inquiries are prepared to pronounce to Sales. However, as many as 80% of inquiries will be prepared to pronounce with Sales in a future. If we send leads too soon, Sales will drop them, so we contingency maintain them until they fit your ULD.
What does a concept lead clarification demeanour like?
A ULD doesn't need to be complex. Here's an instance from one of a past investigate partners, an $80 billion IT government organization.
An exploration becomes a lead when it:
- Fits a aim patron form (industry, revenue, series of employees, etc.)
- Has seductiveness from a preference maker
- Needs what a association sells
- Plans to weigh a resolution in 3 months or less
- Plans to make a squeeze preference in 6 months or less
- Is prepared to pronounce with a sales repute within dual weeks
Setting and regulating this clarification brought a 375% boost in sales-ready leads though an boost in spending. It also helped a sales and selling teams solve problems such as:
- Leads not being competent or prioritized
- Leads not being nurtured
- Sales rejecting leads
- No burden or handoff
The clarification could be practical to each lead regardless of where it came from — either teleprospecting, inbound marketing, webinars or elsewhere. It set a customary for last that leads should accept a top priority and brought potency to a sales process.
How to emanate a concept lead definition
So now that we know what a ULD looks like, here's how we emanate one:
- Bring Sales and Marketing together for a meeting with a leader/facilitator whom both groups respect. The grounds is that you're in this together.
- Asks Sales this pivotal question: "For us to be 100% certain that when we send we a lead, we will act on it and yield feedback 100% of a time, what do we need to know? At what indicate do we cruise a lead qualified?"
- Listen to what Sales has to contend and don't interrupt. Every peddler contingency participate.
- Clarify and continue. Write a outline of your meeting, including your initial definition, and have another one to explain what was said. Make certain everybody is confident — clever accord is critical.
- Publish a ULD everywhere so people who are concerned with lead era are constantly wakeful of their target.
- Close a loop with huddles — face-to-face or voice-to-voice meetings. Don't count on program to tighten a loop for you. Sales and Marketing should accommodate biweekly to safeguard a lead clarification is still accurate. Ask questions like, "Was X a lead? Did they enter a sales process? Why or because not? What else would we like to have famous about this lead? What else can we improve? What should we stop doing? What should we start doing?"
It doesn't take a lot of time or bid to mind my warning, though we guarantee you, a rewards of doing so — some-more pipeline, sales, success and improved ROI — will make it some-more than worthwhile.
Related Resources:
Lead Generation Check list – Part 4: Clear and Universal Lead Definition
5 dials to balance in your lead era process
Why a Term "Marketing-Qualified Lead" Creates Serious Confusion – Part 2
Fostering Sales-Marketing Alignment: A 5-Step Lead Management Process
Webinar Replay: 2012 B2B Marketing Benchmark Report Reveals How Marketers Can Transform Mounting Pressure, Challenges into Revenue


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From February 2010-November 2013, my family cooked and ate a meal from the world's 196* countries.
We shared our experiences so you can do it, too. Use this interactive world map to explore the countries we cooked. To begin your tour, simply click a pin and link to all recipes and posts about that country (or scroll past the map to see an A-Z listing). You're sure to find something yummy for your family to try!
We create peace when learn about each other – when we understand one another. Let's eat our way around the world!
View Countries I've cooked on Global Table Adventure in a larger map
The countries of the world, A-Z…
There are many answers to the question "How many countries are there in the world?"
When I started this adventure, some experts said 192, while others said 194, or even 195.
Lacking any sort of expertise in geography, I chose 195 for one simple reason: to experience more cuisines.
South Sudan was added since GTA began, so we ended up cooking 196 countries.
There is also debate regarding which countries belong to what continent.
I am at the mercy of geographers in this area as well – I just want to eat food from around the world!
My source for this information is World Atlas Travel (www.WorldAtlas.com).


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LimbSaver® UltraMax Solid, Camo
Item # WX2-193143
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LimbSaver® UltraMax Solid.
The new design utilizes six independent sections to dampen out the energy / vibration wave faster and more efficiently than previous LimbSaver bow limb dampeners. The UltraMax features a newly-formulated Next Generation NAVCOM material, which improves performance and greatly extends the overall lifespan of the dampener.
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PASADENA, Md. (AP/WBOC)- A Maryland lawmaker awaiting sentencing on a drunken boating charge was charged Tuesday with driving while impaired after a police officer observed him committing multiple traffic violations, authorities said. Del. Don Dwyer, R-Anne Arundel, was charged with driving while impaired and other traffic offenses, Anne Arundel County police said. Dwyer did not immediately return a call seeking comment. His attorney, David Fischer, declined to comment. Dwyer's driving was so erratic and presented such a danger that an Anne Arundel County police officer pulled him over even though he was transporting a prisoner, according to the police report. Another officer later arrived to administer sobriety tests. After Dwyer was pulled over in Pasadena, the officer noticed a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage. The officer also noted that Dwyer's eyes were red and glossy, and his speech was slow and slurred. While taking a sobriety test, Dwyer was reportedly "very unstable on his feet and having trouble keeping his balance," according to the police report. He was arrested after having trouble during a walk and turn test and failing to maintain his balance when asked to stand on one leg, the police report said. After the officer read Dwyer his rights, he refused to take a breath test, the report added. Dwyer was released on his own recognizance. Fellow Anne Arundel County Republican Del. Ron George called on Dwyer to resign. "Out of concern for others who could be harmed and for Don Dwyer himself, I call on him to resign and get help," George said in a statement issued Tuesday morning. "His constituents deserve good representation." Dwyer is scheduled to be sentenced on a separate drunken boating charge on Oct. 25. In that case, Dwyer reached a plea deal with prosecutors that would not include jail time. Dwyer had reached a similar plea deal in district court in May. A judge in that case sentenced him to 30 days in jail, but Dwyer appealed that sentence. Seven people, including Dwyer, were injured when the lawmaker's boat collided with another vessel on the Magothy River last year. His blood alcohol content was more than twice the legal limit in that case.
Dwyer and his attorney in the previous case did not immediately return calls seeking comment.
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Frugal Inspiration: The Plywood Kitchen
Plywood is more often used as a substrate for finish materials than as a finish in and of itself. But if the budget is really low, plywood might be one of only a few material options. This plywood kitchen says "DIY" to us, but in a good, creative, experimental sort of way.
Elevated a step above the rest of the room, this kitchen's floor, cabinets, shelves and drawers are all made of plywood. Even the range hood is encased in the easy-to-find material. We love this layout of a slightly elevated galley kitchen with tons of storage shelves across its front. All of those shelves sort of blend the kitchen into a living room setting and set the kitchen apart even though it's open to the rest of the greater overall space.
After the first image up top, we rounded up three more plywood kitchens for your inspiration. Would you expose so much of the material in your home kitchen? Why or why not? Please tell below.
Related: Jeremiah's Significantly Improved Kitchen Storage
(Images: OWI via Me You and Us, Ply Architecture, Parisian Kitchen by Chartier-Corbasson Architectes, Kitka Design)
4 Comments
If you stain the wood, add a little lacquer, sand it, and maybe "advance" age it, it would look very nice.
The first two examples look much better than the last two to me. I think the lack of contrast between the kitchen and the walls/floor makes the places look unfinished. The first two are lovely though, I'm jealous of all the shelf space.
I don't mind the look, but I wonder about the safety. I've burned a few wooden spatulas in my time, and even had a small fire or two. I'd be worried about having so much wood (especially wood that appears to be unfinished and more flammable) near my stove and oven.
I'm not sold on this. I like the layout of the first kitchen but mostly it just looks like it needs some paint. As someone who has had a number of small kitchen fires & other mishaps I agree with toberead.


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Civil Society Monitoring Reports
In 2012, the Decade Secretariat and the Open Society Foundations supported the creation of civil society monitoring reports on implementation of National Roma Integration Strategies (NRIS) and Decade of Roma Inclusion National Action Plans in eight countries (Albania, Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Hungary, Macedonia, Romania, Slovakia, Spain) In addition, the Decade Secretariat made a template public in order to encourage additional civil society actors to monitor the implementation of NRIS and Decade Action Plans.
In the reports, civil society coalitions supplement or present alternative information to Decade Progress Reports submitted by Participating Governments in the Decade of Roma Inclusion and to any reports submitted by State parties to the European Commission on implementation of their NRIS. These reports are not meant to substitute for monitoring and quantitative evaluation by State authorities but to channel local knowledge into national and European policy processes and reflect on the quality and outcomes of government measures. As these are the first reports of this sort, they also evaluate the quality of the NRIS. In some cases, the reports a address social impacts of policies as well. The reports provide additional data to official ones, proxy data where there is not official data, or alternative interpretation of published data.
The project is coordinated by the Decade of Roma Inclusion Secretariat Foundation in cooperation with Open Society Foundation's Making the Most of EU Funds for Roma Program and the Roma Initiatives Office.
Summary Report in English and Romanes
[English | Bulgarian] [update]
Czech Republic
[English | Hungarian] [update]
[English | Macedonian]
The template for civil society monitoring reports is available here.
The Decade Progress Reports submitted by participing states are available here.


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Oilers at Penguins, G70 '10-'11
This is Les Binkley. He couldn't see very well but the man could tend goal. From his biography: Les was buried in the minors for many seasons and didn't make his NHL debut until he was in his thirties. Les actually began his life in hockey as a trainer. The reason – his eyesight was poor. A strange twist of fate got Binkley into the nets of the Cleveland Barons of the AHL. An injury to their regular goaltender thrust Les into the nets and he never was a trainer again.
Early expansion–and the WHA–have all kinds of stories like this one. From all accounts of the day, Binkley was among the best expansion options during those first seasons after the NHL doubled in size.
The Penguins after expansion were not a winning organization. They had one outstanding scoring line in the early to mid-70s (Syl Apps Jr centering Lowell MacDonald and Jean Pronovost) but they mostly traded away high draft picks for fading stars. At one point in their history, the Penguins main claim to fame was that their star winger (Greg Polis) would go to the All-Star game and win the car as MVP.
The current Penguins have a lot of horsepower but most of it is in the shop for repair. The club is playoff bound, but heart and soul Penguin Sidney Crosby has been out for two months with a concussion. He still leads team scoring by a whopping 20 points and this team has gone just 3-3-4 in their last 10.
The Oilers are 4-5-1 in their last 10 and played well against Detroit in their last outing. The Oilers leading active goal scorers at this point (Jordan Eberle and Ryan Jones) are tied with 15; the Penguins current leader (Chris Kunitz) has 18. This may end in a 0-0 draw.
One of the things I'm waiting for is the recall of Teemu Hartikainen. The big Finn's first NHL action will be a late season story worth following. Hartikainen is tracking well compared to other Oiler 20-year old forwards making their AHL debut over the last decade:
- Rob Schremp (06-07 SWB Penguins) 69gp, 17-36-53 .768ppg
- Jarret Stoll (02-03 Hamilton Bulldogs) 76gp, 21-33-54 .711ppg
- Marc Pouliot (05-06 Hamilton Bulldogs) 65gp, 15-30-45 .692ppg
- Jean Francois Jacques (05-06 Hamilton Bulldogs) 65gp, 24-20-44 .677ppg
- Teemu Hartikainen (10-11 OKC Barons) 66gp, 17-25-42 .636ppg
- Kyle Brodziak (04-05 Edmonton Roadrunners) 56gp, 6-26-32 .571ppg
- Jani Rita (01-02 Hamilton Bulldgos) 76gp, 25-17-42 .553ppg
- Slava Trukhno (07-08 Springfield Falcons) 64gp, 14-21-35 .547ppg
- Ryan O'Marra (07-08 Springfield Falcons) 31gp, 2-7-9 .290ppg
- Zack Stortini (05-06 Iowa/Milwaukee) 64gp, 2-8-10 .156ppg
All of the men who made it in the NHL either had a wider range of skills or developed them. This bodes well for Hartikainen because he's a big body who can handle himself in front of the net and along the wall. He's also healthy, and injuries claimed Pouliot and Jacques from this list.


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This week, I brought the excitement of a culinary competition to the April High Point Furniture Market where I hosted my own Great Party Challenge at the High Point Theatre during the spring Furniture Market. This Market, I launched my new River House Collection with Universal Furniture.
The Competition
Based on the Spring Market theme of "Inspiration", five teams of local students who are in the culinary school at Guilford Technical Community College in Jamestown, NC designed and prepared edible centerpieces inspired by one of five family parties: a child's birthday, graduation, 4th of July, Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve. Students were selected for their creativity and ability to create under pressure. They had 50 minutes to work as a team to assemble their centerpiece, which needed to be 24 or more inches high. When the clock ran out, the audience helped me choose a winner. It was a hoot, y'all!
And the Winner is!
The winning team was called "Red Hot Freedom" and they made their centerpiece out of fresh fruits and veggies, like watermelon, cantaloupe, radish and squash, for the 4th of July. The team members were Zachary Foster, Amanda Hart, Shaina Jenkins, and Jerry Marsh.
Some of the 16 students in the competition came from as far away as Haiti and some were new cooks while others were looking to hone their skills. Their long-term goals range from owning a restaurant or a bakery to operating catering services and food delivery services. Students practiced for a combined 360 hours on their centerpiece – which is just amazing.
Each member of the winning team will receive a promotional video, with a personal interview taped with myself. Plus, they each get a signed cookbook and a trophy designed just for this competition. Plus, I slipped a little gift card in there since I know how hard it is to start out in this business.
Down Home Lovin'
With my new River House Collection, I share my love of Savannah and the casual comfortable lifestyle there. River House captures the beauty and hospitality of gracious life on the Savannah River. It is available in 3 finishes, River Bank, a deep brown cherry finish; River Boat, white with a gray rub-through and Oyster Shell – a beautiful grey accent. Right now, I have five furniture collections, Paula Deen Home, Down Home the new River House and the Gals and Guys collections for kids that are a part of Universal's SmartStuff™ youth furniture.
As always, I'm wishin' y'all love and best dishes!
Photo courtesy of Anthony D. Thomas.Read More From Blogs.
Who better to teach students how to "keep it real,and down to earth " than Paula. So glad to see you back and better than ever, Paula.
By Joanne on April 28, 2014
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Join Paula at DuBois Furniture in Waco, TX for a book signing and meet and greet from 10:30 am to 1:30 pm.
Come see Paula's live show at the Blumenthal Performing Arts Center in Charlotte, NC and get a heaping helping of Paula's recipes, and some good old-fashioned fun and laughter!
Tickets available from Blumenthal Performing Arts Center here!
Starts at 5:30 PM. Light hors d'oeuvres and beer & wine will be served, including a meet and greet with Paula Deen!
Sponsored by Springer Mountain Farms.
Join the Deen Family for a Book Signing at The Lady & Sons from 10 am to 12 pm.
The event is free; 350 wristbands to be distributed starting at 9 am.


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A 12-year-old girl and an 8-year-old boy were stabbed multiple times in the attack.
Sudden cardiac arrest is the leading cause of death. Nearly 360,000 out-of-hospital cardiac arrests occur annually in the United States.
When a teen or adult has a sudden cardiac arrest, survival depends on immediately getting CPR from someone nearby.
Sadly, about 90 percent of people who suffer an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest die because they do not receive immediate CPR from someone on the scene.
Many Americans feel helpless to act during a cardiac emergency because they do not know how to properly administer CPR.
Hands-Only CPR has just two easy steps. If you see a teen or adult suddenly collapse, (1) Call 9-1-1; and (2) Push hard and fast in the center of the chest to the beat of the disco song "Stayin' Alive."
According to the American Heart Association, people feel more confident performing Hands-Only CPR and are more likely to remember the correct rhythm when trained to the beat of the disco classic "Stayin' Alive." "Stayin' Alive" has more than 100 beats per minute, which is the rate you should push on the chest during CPR.
To learn more, watch a 60-second demo video at heart.org/handsonlycpr. The site also shares information on how to find a CPR class near you.
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RENO, Nev. (AP) - A federal judge in Nevada has set a hearing Feb. 19 to determine whether the Bureau of Land Management violated the First Amendment rights of a photographer and wild horse protection advocate when it restricted her access to mustang roundups.
The 9th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals ruled in favor of Laura Leigh in February and ordered Judge Larry Hicks in Reno to reconsider whether BLM's restrictions on media access to roundups are constitutional.
Lawyers for the government and Leigh's Wild Horse Education group told Hicks on Tuesday they've been unable to reach an out-of-court settlement.
BLM argues Leigh had been granted no less access than any other member of the public and that the restrictions were necessary for the safety of the horses and the observers.
Copyright 2013 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
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Keith Urban is surrounded by women at home: he's married to Nicole Kidman and the pair have two daughters, Sunday and Faith . Even so, the American Idol judge said he doesn't mind being outnumbered by the women in his life.
"Our house is very animated anyway. It's an artists' house, so yelling and singing and dancing and music...Everything is very dramatic," Urban explained on Tuesday's Live with Kelly and Michael. "I'm in a house full of girls. It's all dramatic. It's all drama. It's all drama...But I fit right in, which is bizarre."
Still, Urban can find some peace at work while he's judging alongside Jennifer Lopez and Harry Connick, Jr. on American Idol . "They're very easy to get along with," he said. "The first dinner we went to all of us -- Randy [ Jackson ] and Ryan [ Seacrest ] -- all of us together, it was like I had known them forever. They're very easy to talk to."
After American Idol wraps, country music star Urban won't be returning home. Instead, he says, "We hit the road in June and we'll be touring. We start in Australia and we'll be all through the states -- July, August, September." Urban added that his wife and daughters will probably come on the road with him. They even have their own bunk beds on the tour bus.
American Idol airs on Fox Wednesday and Thursday nights.
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