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Holiday Apartment Dulcis In Fundo was completely renovated in 2009 and rises in a a building located in down town Urgnano, adjacent to the medieval castle and away from the Orio al Serio 10 km. You can take advantage of various types... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 45
The "La Corte" Bed & Breakfast is located in Zanica, in a quiet country place named "Padergnone". It is near a beautiful riding school with horses and pony, near a restaurant, a pub and a pretty little church. The B&B offers... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 44
Bed & Breakfast Barbara and her cheerful family will be glad to welcome in their B&B. It is a structure located 1km from Orio al Serio airport and 2km from the A4 motorway, in a building with a beautiful garden, relaxing pool area... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 73
Bed & Breakfast Orio Bgy offers three rooms of different colours in order to satisfy every need and to provide a structure that can easily fit every request. The Violet Room is a twin bedroom, furnished with wardrobe, table, chair, TV... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 70
Bed and Breakfast "57res Orio" offers to its guests cozy and elegant solutions to, a few steps from the enchanting Bergamo Alta and one hour from the center of Milan. Rooms are furnished with taste and elegance, and have all the... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 80
La Margì Bed & Breakfast is set in a part of our house, completely renovated and furnished with taste and elegance. It offers a double bedroom with TV and one bathroom served by shower. At guests' disposal a large living room... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 83
Holiday Apartment "Bergamo Home" is located on the ground floor of a modern building in the city center. The facility consists of large living/dining room, fitted kitchen, bathroom, balcony, double bedroom and the possibility of... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 57
Holiday Apartment Spino is a bright apartment of 40sqm on the sixth floor of a building situated in the center of Bergamo, near the historic center of the lower city and easy access to major roads. The air conditioned open-space... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 60
Welcome to Bed & Breakfast Residenza Il Fiore, an elegant new building located 10 minutes walk from the center of Bergamo and the train station. Sabrina will be happy to accommodate you in its comfortable rooms all with private bath... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 70
The Holiday Apartment Il Borghetto consists of two large bedrooms, one double and one with two single beds, a living room with sofas, TV, Internet access; a kitchen area, hallway and bathroom. The apartment is furnished in an elegant... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 65
The Holiday Apartment Casa Nelli is a wide flat in a modern building, where you can admirer a beautiful view over the' Bergamo Alta'. Casa Nelli can be easily reached from railway station and from highway and it is well connected to... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 50
The Bed & Breakfast Villa Giò is situated in the center of Seriate, just 10 minutes by car from Bergamo's down town and the International Airport of Orio al Serio. Thanks to its location, it is very easy to reach on foot the Bolognini... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 65
Maison Vacance Nadia est un appartement confortable au 3° étage d'une élégante copropriété pourvue d'un ascenceur, pas loin de la sortie d'autoroute de Bergame. L'appartement, bien structuré et ensoleillé, est composé d'un vaste... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 40
B&B Mirabell is a in Bergamo city center, with comfortable double, triple or quadruple rooms all of them with private bathroom. At B&B Mirabell, with its elegant rooms, you'll enjoy a holidays in relax and tranquility in Bergamo and... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 78
Holiday Apartment Casa Mabel is a pleasant and recently renovated 1st floor apartment, suitable for your relaxing holiday, for working or study stays. Holiday House Casa Mabel has got 2 bedrooms and a living room with kitchen and relax... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 64
Bed & Breakfast Carmen, full of charm, elegance and class, is in the heart of Bergamo, a city rich in art and history. Guests will be welcomed in an ancient aristocratic palace of the eighteenth century, just a few steps from the most... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 100
Romeo and Juliet is a nice , warms and friendly B&B that welcome travellers and tourists from all over the world. We have a wealth of experience in hospitality and know what tourists need during their stay. The B&B has comfortable... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 55
Bed & Breakfast Le 5 Vie is set in one of Bergamo's most picturesque squares, in the centre of Bergamo, ideally situated for both tourists and business people. From the square, one can easily move about the city on foot, by bicycle... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 77
Bed & Breakfast L'Olimpo set in a tranquil setting of a family villa immersed in a green garden, in the center of Bergamo. The B&B offers accommodation in bedrooms with its own entrance, double bed and possibility of adding up to 3 / 4... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 70
Holiday Apartment Il Caravaggio is located in the heart of Bergamo, namely Piazza Pontida, one of the most famous square of the city. It is a large and lovely apartment is completely renovated with finishing features will welcome you... Plus d'informations
Prix moyen 62


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Two Chicago-area residents have been indicted for allegedly trying to secure U.S. citizenship for foreign nationals through sham marriages to Americans, some of which occurred in Las Vegas.
The U.S. Attorney's office in Chicago alleges that clients paid up to $15,000 for marriages to Americans recruited by Terestia Zarrabian of Des Plaines and Michael Smith of Bellwood. Zarrabian is an immigration consultant.
The 60-year-old Zarrabian and 41-year-old Smith were charged after an undercover agent posed as a U.S. citizen willing to enter a phony marriage. Both have pleaded not guilty.
The pseudo couples were allegedly advised how to answer immigration officials' questions to convince them the marriages were legitimate.
A message left for Zarrabian's attorney wasn't immediately returned Monday. There was no answer at a phone number for Smith's attorney.
25 FOX DriveDedham, MA 02026
Phone (781) 467-2525

subset: commoncrawl


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California's two flat-rolled steel producers have joined the state's campaign to reduce emissions as California enters its own greenhouse gas cap-and-trade era.
A steel bar mill in Ohio and a service center in Nevada have filed separate breach-of-contract complaints in federal courts.
Yalian Steel Corp. chairman Xin Duo Yu plans to take over the company as the steel line pipe maker grapples with a lack of orders and high debt.
Domestic ferrous scrap pricing volatility shows little sign of abating in the new year as the market appears unlikely to adopt new pricing strategies and practices, industry sources said.
WSP Holdings Ltd.'s losses widened in the third quarter as lower export sales and decreased average selling prices walloped the firm's bottom line.
U.S. steel imports increased slightly in November on the back of stronger shipments of semifinished products and cold-rolled sheet.
MoveTran LLC, founded by former RG Steel LLC employees, is launching a transloading and logistical services operation in a high-end steel warehouse.
Steel consumers—from service centers to stampers to manufacturers—are offering a mixed view of demand for early 2013.
The metallics sector foresees growth in the years ahead on the back of technological advancements, affordable natural gas and renewed interest from steelmakers.
AK Steel Corp. has kept its grain-oriented electrical steel surcharge for February at $280 per ton ($14 per cwt), unchanged from January's level, according to the West Chester, Ohio-based company's website.
Chinese hot-rolled steel coil export prices climbed again Monday amid improving market sentiment, sources said.
Japanese crude steel output is expected to bounce back only slightly in the first three months of 2013 after falling to its lowest level in six quarters in the final three months of 2012.
The number of drill rigs running in the United States fell by 11 last week, led by Texas (down eight), while Canadian drilling activity plunged by 180 rigs compared with the previous week.
Turkish steelmakers will increasingly target value-added steel production as part of a new five-year plan set out by the Turkish Iron and Steel Producers Association.
West Coast ferrous scrap export prices for containerized shipments have jumped about $10 per tonne in the past two weeks, with exporters aiming even higher.
When it comes to new shale oil plays, rail is increasingly moving in on territory long dominated by pipelines.
Turkish long steel prices have continued to increase on the back of strengthening scrap import tags.
Merger and acquisition (M&A) activity slowed dramatically in the global metals and mining industry in 2012, and that trend is unlikely to change in 2013 as companies throughout the supply chain maintain a cautious outlook, according to a PricewaterhouseCoopers LLP (PwC) executive.
The merger between ThyssenKrupp AG stainless division Inoxum Group and Finnish stainless producer Outokumpu Oyj has been completed, both companies confirmed Friday.
The Latin American steel industry is expected to remain cautious in 2013 as the result of increasing imports and uncertain global economic conditions.
Ferrous scrap export prices have gained momentum after U.S. exporters concluded at least seven bulk cargo sales to Turkey over the past 10 days at slightly higher levels.
The International Longshoremen's Association (ILA) and the U.S. Maritime Alliance (USMX) are continuing labor contract negotiations with just days to avert a strike that would affect containerized cargo along the East and Gulf coasts.
Steel traders hope that demand will pick up with more market certainty in the second half of 2013.
Members of United Steelworkers union Local 7054 have ratified a new labor contract with Kentucky Electric Steel LLC (KES) in Ashland, Ky.
Are you stocking more inventory today than 18 months ago?
We actually don't know who his investors are. At the point when we are ready, we will investigate further. There are just so many things to handle and there are a lot of items to be considered with the project."
-- Charles C. Mitchell, Barstow city manager


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Jasleen Singh had nine points and Kylie Henne added seven points and six rebounds for the Tokay Tigers varsity girls basketball team in a 99-29 loss to the McNair Eagles on Thursday.
Breanna Holbert and Rebekah Boron-Trotter each had five points, Sara Piazza netted three and Darcie Castelanelli added two.
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Top Posts
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Flyers counting on MacDonald to play huge role
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Iginla has 'real good chemistry' with Duchene
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Monday's collection of links.
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The Family Holiday Tap Dance
My parents are divorced (shocking in this day and age, I know) and every holiday, I have to navigate the tricky issue of how and where to spend it. Before my dad got remarried, it was a piece of cake. My folks get along just fine, so it was easy to get together and be a family unit again for those few days.
After my dad re-married, his new wife didn't really relish the idea of spending holidays with her husband's ex-wife. Thus began the rite of passage that every adult child of divorcees has to go through — the process of figuring out whose "year" it is. Once you're married yourself, you have your spouse's family to also consider, and the number of parents multiply faster than rabbits.
I wish it was as easy as simply taking turns, but it's always more layered. For instance, my mom is still single, which means if I don't spend a holiday with her, she's alone. Should I weight this variable more in the already loaded equation?
Yes, I am lucky to have so many people who love and want to spend time with me. I also fully realize that these are princess problems compared to what others are facing this season. But I do feel a lot of guilt, and even holiday fatigue, before a single cookie is in the oven. Entertaining takes on an added meaning, in which I tap dance to address the tugs coming from all directions.
In recent years I've stayed put and hosted all holidays in my own home, loudly declaring that anyone who wanted to come was welcome. This Thanksgiving, for the first time, I'm granting myself a slight reprieve by leaving the country completely.
Problem avoided… until Christmas.
Okay, I know I'm not the only one. Do you feel the same holiday pressure?
(image: Shutterstock)
80 Comments
Indeed I do. Every year I have tremendous anxeity over the holidays. My parents split a long time ago, and neither one remarried. Additionally, unlike your parents, mine are unable to be amicable which means I cannot have them over at the same time. My dad is 82, my mom is 78 and they both act like children. I'm 45 years old and at this stage of my life, I am worn out from dealing with them.
I like your idea -- maybe I'll eave the country and return on Jan 1, 2013 (oh how I wish!).
Once November hits, I start a countdown until Jan. 2nd, because that's when all the mandatory get-togethers stop. I love my family, but it's tiring having to spend time with them and balance spending time with my boyfriend'sf family. Not to mention all of my friends who come back into town. You'd think that after your 20's, the idea of friends coming back into town and having a drink during the holidays would either get easier, or less stressful, but no, it seems to add to the stress.
Not to mention the fact that my brother just got married and is trying hard to incorporate our families together. I get what he's trying to do, but it's just too much all at once. Plus I'm dating an only child, so the pressure is definitely on if we miss something with his family.
Trying to "please" everyone had me literally ripping my hair out for years! Now we've streamlined our celebrations. My Folks are gone, so on the 1st Saturday of December, we host "The Annual Wacky White Elephant Party." for my side of our extended family. Christmas Eve is reserved for Worship. Breakfast on Christmas Day with the In-Laws,(who live out of town and come to us) and the rest of our day is spent just enjoying each other and our grown sons. No Daughter-in-Laws or Grand Babies yet, :( but I promised myself and my boys not to be ever behave like a baby when it comes to sharing the ones I love on the holidays! What I've learned over 51 years is when you "Love Well" the people in your life the remaining 364 days of the year, it somehow all seems to work out.
It took me nearly 20 years to determine that everyone reverts to their worst childlike tantrum self over the holidays. Last year, we opted out and went to the beach. It was nice but lacked the holiday feeling. This year I have decided we won't give in to the guilt trips placed upon us by our parents (mine or my husbands). We are going to just celebrate by doing what feels best for our family as it is now. That means our kids will play their cousins and we will go where the most people in our crazy, far flung family, CELEBRATE time together. If you are the relative that is keeping a tally of which house we went to last year, rip it up. My memories of every holiday is the tension or disappointment or guilt as a result of my parents trying to keep visits equitable. I don't want that for my kids. I want them to see it as time together in celebration of whatever marks the calendar. I told all the grandparents, this is what we are doing. You are free to join us "merrily". If not, I hope you can join us next time. Really, life is too short, we have too little in vacation time to spend a bulk of it around grumpy people.
I feel the same pain...although my folks are still together as are my husbands...they live across the great State of Texas from one another. We live in the same city (San Antonio) as my in laws but my folks live 5 hours away in BFE Palestine. This wasn't really as much of an issue until we had our daughter 2 years ago. Getting my parents to make the journey down to SA to visit is hard enough as it is but throw in a holiday party and its nigh impossible (they came last year only because it was my daughter's first xmas and I told them come or don't see her).
My in laws say they understand that we have to split holidays between the clans but honestly I feel my MIL's passive aggressiveness each time we speak of it ("Oh don't worry your sister in law is coming down so it's not like we'll be all alone")....really?!?!....ugh
@Mignonster, I am on that boat too.
I am so thankful for my mother, who gives me guilt-free permission to do whatever is least stressful. She has taught me that we are all responsible for our own well-being. While I will put up with things I don't particularly like for the sake of my children, we adults need to pull our own happiness wagons. I don't know that I will ever particularly embrace the holiday season, but it's become much better for me since I've been able to let go of needing to fix everyone else's day.
My parents split when my sister and I were in high school. The very first Christmas they were apart we spent Christmas morning with my mom, and then drove to my dad's (3 hours away) and did Christmas dinner with him. A few years later I found out that my mom cried the whole evening and while she would never intentionally guilt me into then planning the holidays around her, that is the way it happened. My dad travels a lot, which has made it easier just to catch him some other time, but I am feeling worse and worse about him spending every holiday alone. Now that I'm married and have a mother in law who feels it is absolutely acceptable to make you feel guilty about missing holidays, the problem compounds. I think I will throw the next in law family thanksgiving, and invite my dad and everyone is just going to be happy they didn't have to make the turkey.
My family is 650 km away from me (about 400 miles). My in-laws live less than a mile away. Once upon a time, Christmas was with my folks one year, his folks the next. But for about the last ten years or so, Christmas is with his folks, mine get a call. Can you feel the deep-seeded anger in my words? Believe me - it is there. For some reason, there is always a 'good reason' to spend Christmas with his folks. I love Christmas. I hate inlaws.
I think one of the biggest benefits of my divorce was eliminating 2 stops to each holiday. Now I only have to go to one place (maybe 2) on Thanksgiving. One on Christmas Eve and one on Christmas. When I was married, it was riduculous! In an effort to make everyone happy we had 4 stops each holiday. We would spend all day driving from place to place (some were more than an hour apart) and our holidays were always miserable!
15 years after the court's psychiatrists outed my parents as sociopaths on the lower spectrum scale, I finally told them they will not be spending the holidays in my home, only my sisters and their families are allowed to visit. Yeah yeah they threw rage benders, told everybody that I've abandoned them, called me selfish and said America turned me into a bad daughter and if we were still in the home country nobody would let me get away with such self-preservation behavior. Screw it, I'm convinced they're going to outlive me so I might as well enjoy the remainders of my life in peace.
I have one rule at Christmas: we don't go anywhere on Christmas Day. Anyone is welcome to come over but I wanted my kids to have a relaxing, fun day with us at home instead of spending hours in the car. It takes the drama out of it.
Thanksgiving, on the other hand...
Well, I am one of a divorced couple, and I worry that our son is not getting the benefit of the traditional family holiday that my siblings and I enjoyed growing up. This year, my ex is spending Christmas with his new girlfriend's family. Fine, except that it's a 'Daddy' year, which means not only will my son not see his Mom (and my family, who he is very close to), but he will be spending the holiday with virtual strangers. I'm a mess!! I hope as he grows older he will choose to do what HE most wants to do, because he is having to spend his childhood doing what his parents' breakup has imposed upon him.
Being a divorced parent, I know the juggling act all too well. But for me, the most important thing is that my son is happy and has good holidays, and that he gets to see his beloved grandparents (my ex-inlaws). The holidays are about family, and as long as he's with loving family I'm satisfied, even if its not with me. I've been fortunate to have friends and family I can turn to so I'm not alone in the times he's with his father's family, this year is the first year since I'm divorced I have a special someone to spend the holiday with. I would hope as he gets older he never feels guilt or remorse that he can't spend every moment of the holiday with me.
@hrhprincessfiona: LOL! Thanks for the laugh. I coulnd't agree more.
My parents are divorced and we took turns ON christmas day (breakfast with one, lunch with another, dinner with extended family) and on boxing day we did dinner with the other extended family.
Now as adults it is much more low key. My dad is single so I plan on spending the actual day with him. But another option is just half days!
No divorce in my family to twist the holiday command appearances.
One side of the family understands the horror of demanding relatives.
Oh yes, passive-aggressive actions over the following year, guilt trips, last minute scheduling, blatant favoritism, snide comments and "moaning".
Yes, every mark checked. The gathering is merely to be tolerated with politeness and escaped as quickly as is decent.
As the offspring age, the demanding ones have not yet realized the younger members are not showing up precisely to enjoy the bliss of the silent treatment of anger.
As the one married in, "can do no right", and the holiday is anything but joyful. Not to worry, I am not alone in my "never does anything right" column.
I feel lucky to have both my parents & my husbands parents that we all enjoy spending time with. My parents live 400+ miles away & my in laws are 800 miles away. Our budget allows for driving to them instead of flying.
When we were first married, we'd visit one family for Thanksgiving & the other for Christmas. After several travel nightmares for Thanksgiving, we put a stop to that. Now we alternate Christmas with each family. It's sad when we don't get to see the other family as we really love seeing the extended group, too. Phone calls & Skype aren't the same as a hug & snuggling by the fire.
This year, I was afraid an illness in my house would prevent us from traveling for Christmas. Thankfully, it's not as bad as initially expected, so we can still go. I do want to one day have Christmas in my own home, but will wait for that.
I have divorced grandparents, both remarried, so I've watched my own parents navigate this minefield for years.
The grandparents divorced when my father was a teenager, and it took the early death of my aunt from cancer four years ago to get them to start inviting one other to their respective holiday gatherings. In this light, I don't think your dad's new wife has a right to say "I'd rather not" if your parents themselves don't mind. It's petty, especially if you don't get to visit with them often. If the new wife wants to host then she should extend the invitation to your mom and be gracious, and your mom should do the same.
My parents split almost 10 years ago, but since I'm estranged from my dad, I never had to worry about splitting time during the holidays. My sister splits time between our mom, our dad, and her boyfriend's family; my brother splits time between our mom, our dad, his mother-in-law, and his father-in-law.
My current boyfriend and I now have to split time for the first time ever, and while we kind of have a plan, I'm frustrated. We see his parents and siblings a lot more often than we see mine, and so I feel as if splitting time means we miss my chance to see my family. However, we've agreed to switch back and forth with Thanksgiving, do Chanukah with my family, and do Christmas with his. I'm also pushing for Christmas Eve with my family, since Christmas Day is an all-day affair with his family, whereas our family's Chanukah party, if we're even having one, is only a few hours.
All the ladies at my office have been talking about this. It's a tough issue and I think there are a slew of potential combatants, plans, etc. that work, but they eventually all boil down to one -- switching holidays every other year. My boyfriend of 5+ years and I have still not mastered this (and neither has my co-worker with her boyfriend of 11 years!)
My parents are divorced and my boyfriends parents are divorced. I've come to call the holidays _____ Extravaganza. (Fill in the blank with whatever holiday.) It's an eating marathon and is just getting worse every year. My family is moving closer, yet that's a 4th place to visit because it would be an eternal sin to have my (poorer) family intermingle with my boyfriend's wealthier side of the family. I don't even know where to start.
so surprised that i am not alone!! even tho, i usually am on Christmas Day. I spend so much time navigating my divorced parents' separate holidays... and sharing my son with my ex... holidays are just a nightmare. I inevitably end up alone and crying. i really, really, really want to start a new tradition. Christmas in Hawaii. just me and my son. i'm over snow. let's do something new.
There's more than enough crazy to go around, don't ever feel like you're alone in your sentiment!
Not to crow, but every year at this time I feel like I hit the in-law jackpot. I'm an only child so I would hate to leave my parents alone for the holidays. Luckily, my parents and in-laws get along famously and my MIL loves to host a party so we all spend holidays together. It's pretty amazingly awesome.
Both families were military and moved a good deal and I think that helps how well they get along and how flexible they are about holidays. Growing up we always, always had people at our house on Christmas who were not able to travel to their family (extra gifts for me as the kid so I loved it) and it was similar for my husband. We have Christmas traditions, but they've always been in flux according to the circumstances so it makes changing things much easier.
My family opted out of Christmas several years ago. None of us wanted to travel 350 miles through snowstorms and freezing rain anymore, and waiting for a clear weather window to drive is a hassle. And don't get me started on trying to think of gifts for people you see once or twice a year, when no one truly needs anything. So we decided to celebrate (Canadian) Thanksgiving instead. The fall colours make for an interesting drive, and the weather is warm enough to still do things outside. Everyone is more relaxed, we share the table with friends of my parents who are alone and can join us, and it's a lovely time. I'm single, so to stave off loneliness, I try to find ways to contribute (food bank, seniors' homes, animal shelters). For me, it's rewarding.
I have an interesting situation, my parents just divorced about 3 years ago after 40 years of marriage. My mother cannot get over it. My husband is an only child. So no matter what we do, someone gets upset. My dad divorced all of us so at least he doesn't factor in anymore. Last year, because my husband had to work I drove to my mother's house. She complained the entire time and I found out later that she had been invited to my SIL's family get-together. (She lives in the same town as my brother, I am three hours away.) This year I just put my foot down and said we're not going anywhere. I get that she is in retail and has to work a lot during the holidays but my husband's company does a lot of work during this time, too. Like many have said, I just am learning to say no and realizing I can't be responsible for other people, only my own family. Everyone is always welcome to join us here at my house and to their credit, my in-laws will always come, but my mother will sit home alone and cry about her children abandoning her even though she was invited to spend the day with both of us.
I am the sister/cousin/neice that everyone resents becasue the minute the drama starts I look at my watch and realize I am late for my next "stop". My sisters accuse me of running away from issues. Who wants to deal with issues on a holiday/vacation day?? I know deep down inside they are jealous I am sinlge with no kids and therefore very few issues. But I do feel for each and every one of you who are posting. Until my parents died it was the day from ____.
My father works 13 days out of the 14, effectively getting every other Sunday off. My parents are on the edge of losing their house, have no health insurance, can't afford presents or even groceries some weeks, etc. To top it off, they are far too accommodating and bend-over-backwards because of how they were raised (in short, by families tainted with alcoholism and codependence.) So they would never ask for what they needed, and they always say OK even to the most inconvenient and inconsiderate things.
My husband's parents are wonderful, generous, kind people, but also very demanding. And they have been prosperous their whole lives so they have no understanding of that kind of work schedule or budget situation. When I try to make sure my parents aren't spending a cold, lonely, hungry Christmas, it often results in my husband's parents feeling snubbed. Vocally feeling snubbed! :p
And we're both only children, so we have no siblings to help with "load balancing."
So our Christmases are always full of love... and anxiety and frustration and exhaustion.
On the other side of the page, I am a single parent who's son married a woman who MUST spend every single holiday with her family so I sit alone. My son tried to do the "every other year", inviting me to their house for Christmas dinner but the dil had to have her parents over also which made it uncomfortable as we didn't like each other. The one Christmas they weren't there for dinner my dil never got dressed, she made and ate dinner in her pj's and when I was leaving she never got off the couch to say good-bye. I think I would rather sit at home than go through that miserable time again.
We're sorta going through this for the first time, though we had a few years before we were married to work it out some kind of a pattern. His family is more laid back about when holidays are celebrated and with whom- mine is the (god love them) passive-aggressive set (two sets- I have divorced parents). With babies in the picture now, my mom actually did the nicest thing ever and suggested we combine with his parents for Thanksgiving. And all sets of parents have a plan for when we're celebrating Xmas. My husband and I are in agreement that these are the only two holidays we're doing this for, though. Everything else- we're hosting. We have the baby, so we are the ones who really do not want to be driving all over the place. We're very lucky that all of our parents are alive and live close to us. VERY lucky. But inevitably, someone always gets hurt feelings about us or one of our siblings, and you can either address it and be named the holidays' biggest a-hole, or you can grin and show up with a cake and pray for peace.
My husband I and alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas each year with our families (though sometimes we host, and have everyone join us). Luckily, my family lives 3.5 hours one direction, and his family lives 3.5 hours the other direction, so no one can make us try to go both places for the same holiday.
When it's my family's turn, we have my dad and his girlfriend, my mom and my step dad, my half sister's dad and his girlfriend, my sister & half sister and their husbands, and sometimes their husbands' mothers, and sometimes one of my step-nieces & her family, and one or more of my step sisters, possibly with boyfriends/husbands & children. Plus sometimes the neighbors stop by, just to spice things up - they separated this year, so that'll add another exciting dimension. We all drink a lot, and everything goes fine until my step-dad makes too many crude comments in range of my sister's elderly mother-in-law. Maybe this year we'll try a seating chart!
I am also the child of a divorce (though I was in college) and my parents are thankfully at the stage where they're amicable (the first years were harder). So we all manage to get together on the years that we're not with my inlaws. Some years it's harder than others, especially if there are new SOs involved, but I go with whichever parent is not pitching a tantrum. It helps that there are no step or half-siblings, and that there are grandkids, now. Grandkids are a big draw, and my siblings keep us together. I make an effort to see both of my parents, though, even if it's an in-law year.
That's great! We're hoping to move towards that. When my parents retire they hope to move up near us. So we can all bundle in one car and go down to visit his parents (because they have informed us that no way in hell are they making the 3 hour! winter! trek! to our benighted arctic! hellhole (Albany, NY.) :p)
Whatever, as long as we're together and there's fresh-baked cookies. :D
I am on the parent side of this dilemma, and it IS a frustrating one. I love my daughter, son-in-law and grandson, now grown to college age, but often I'd rather stay home alone or in the company of people who have come to be my close-at-hand "family." It's rarely calm and relaxing when I go, though there are fun times, like the new tradition of going to a Chinese restaurant on Christmas Day (a la "A Christmas Story") and having the big home-cooked meal either on Christmas Eve or Dec. 26. No longer having to fuss over Santa Claus helps, but the obligation of it makes me begin to fret as soon as Labor Day has passed. I think it's because 9 times out of 10, I'm the one who has to do a road trip, either to my daughter's (7 hours away) or her in-laws (5 hours away). It makes sense; I'm one person with no room here for a half-dozen people to stay. That said, it's still trying and not the joyful occasion it should be.
Most of my friends from high school and college didn't have divorced parents, so reading these comments is shockingly my first experience hearing about others' holiday-sharing dilemmas, and man am I relieved!! It is strangely comforting to relate to everyone's story and to know that I am not alone in this stressful, anxiety-ridden, dreaded part of the holidays. I will never get over the guilt I feel for preferring my mom over my dad during the holidays (for logistical reasons all of you have mentioned here) and since I've been in Spain, I've been home for Christmas only twice and decided enough was enough. Now I go home in August and split three weeks between my mom and my dad, and in fact I've decided next August I want to go somewhere different altogether, but I will never go back home for the holidays as long as I'm abroad.
And when I'm back in the States, I've decided my family will learn to live with missing me on Christmas and my future husband can spend the holidays with his family and I will stay at home in my pajamas eating peppermind ice-cream, watching movies, and browing my favorite home decorating websites ;) This will be my reward for dozens of 8-hour car trips on Christmas day just to make sure no one felt left out.
Also, a reminder to everyone doing their all to make sure no one can blame them for not doing their best to make everyone else happy - you'll be shocked how few people make the same effort for you when you extend an invitation for everyone to spend the holidays at your house. It's very liberating, no more guilt!!
This really bums me out (though it's nice to vent with strangers about it) because my husband and I love Christmas. My parents divorced when I was a kid, and I remember hating the run-around and feeling guilty that the other parent was alone. Now I'm married, my husband's parents are divorced and all live far away, and my mom is about 2 hours away and is single (my dad has since passed). My mom is the absolute queen of the guilt trip, so we never see my in-laws because she guilts about being "along" (not the case since she has many brothers and sisters nearby, and they're always together). But what drives me crazy is that she'll blow me off to spend time with her siblings, who she sees every weekend, or to spend the holiday her flavor of the month when it's her turn with us, and it seems she does it out of spite. This year, her new BF blew her off to spend the day with his daughter (oh the irony), and she told me she's not coming to see us but wants to see my younger cousin, who just gave birth last spring, and be with "the baby. So this year, her great-niece ranks above her only immediate relative. (Husband and I are, and plan to remain, child free, which is another point of contention.) Super passive aggressive. She gets hurtful and mean every year, and I'd much rather see the in-laws, but they're so far that it's tough. So, this year, we are staying home with our cats and dogs and telling everyone they're welcome here. If not, we're just staying in our pajamas. Family is so much easier for me when it's the one I chose.
Our families lived in the same town, which made it easier.. Christmas & noon dinner with his family until about 4pm then back to mine [where we stayed - more bathrooms/bedrooms] for a later dinner with mine.. One out-of-state sister/hubby alternated Thanksgiving & Christmas and the military family rarely were in-country..
I think that if you have children... then Christmas should be at your home... visiting & celebrating when convenient with other parts of the family - the holiday season lasts long enough. And if there are issues; at some point you have to be the adult and make your decision as to how you want to celebrate your holidays.
Thank you for posting about this. My parents just announced their impending divorce about a month and half ago. This is the first year I'll be dealing with this particular problem and to make it more difficult I'm a young recently-in-my-first-full-time-job professional that lives literally on the other side of the country from my parents (them-CA, me-KY)... It's been really difficult to figure it out since can only take so many days off work and I had already made plans to spend Thanksgiving with friends and extended family on the east coast. (I can't afford to fly home for both holidays anyway... and I don't get enough time off to even think about driving). Unfortunately my mom has moved up to Northern CA and my dad is sticking to Southern CA so I won't be able to see both over Christmas... It's just a head ache. BUT as you state in the post, it could be worse, at least I have lots of folks that love me and want to see me during the Holidays.
I have been on both sides of this question - an adult child of divorce and a stepparent. It was very tough for my husband to give up his daughter on holidays, but we made adult occasions of the time she was with her Mom's family, such as having friends over for dinner, and made a point to stay home when she was with us and extend an invitation for anyone to visit if they chose. One or two years were were invited to stay for Christmas Eve with his ex's family, and have shared other holidays like Easter, birthdays and a graduation party with them.
Every situation is different, but in most cases a holiday should be about what the child wants IMO.
You are not the only one. I probably could've written the top post, only I'd add the fact that I'm an only child, making the pressure that much greater not to leave any parent alone on a holiday, it seems. I used to adore the holidays--now I dread them. Between the guilt trips, hurt feelings and scorekeeping, complicated logistics, balancing our demanding work schedules, and trying to travel with two small children, not to mention actually trying to find time to buys gifts and plan meals, etc. in there--it's just exhausting.
A friend just told me that she's skipping the holidays with her family. They vigorously belittled her "liberal" voting record and told her that she was "stupid" and "naive". She's pretty tolerant but I think this was the last straw. I hope they won't be surprised when she doesn't show up. On the other hand a friend's cousin, who is one of the most obnoxious people I have ever met, announced that she was coming to their family Thanksgiving and bringing several guests (but no food).
Glad I won't be at either party. My sibling and I will eat our turkey in peace and quiet and then gloat over the turkey pot pies we plan to make from the leftovers.
For all the people posting about their parents stressing them out during the holidays - When I was a married mother - they holidays were so stressful - spending money on gifts that needed to go towards monthly bills and trying to please a MIL who wanted us over every holiday and then when her daughter married wanted us to split the holidays with her new family. When I became a single mother - spent money that again needed to go to monthly bills and not let on to the kids that when they left for their dads - I would be alone - which I chose. I stopped celebrating holidays and birthdays and actually have loved the freedom.
This is why I prefer the fourth of July.
Splitting time is annoying. I split between my mother and my (paternal) grandparents and my boyfriend's family. My sister splits between my mother, our grandparent, her MIL and her FIL. I rarely see my half-brother over the holidays because he just has too many people to split time between. Occasionally my sister and I even get to see each other over the holidays, which if I had to pick a family member I'd want to spend my holiday with it would be my sister, with my boyfriend coming in a close second. :)
My divorced parents lived 1700 miles away, my FIL lives 3000 miles away, and my MIL lives 100 miles away. Because the cost of flying is about $1000 to $4000 each year depending on dates and locations it is all based on scheduling and funds for that year.
The most unfortunate thing was last year about 2 weeks before Christmas, my dad asked if he could join my husband, FIL, and I at their vacation home for Christmas but there were no tickets left for him to purchase. He spent Christmas and NYE alone and passed away 6 weeks later. I regret not trying harder to get him a last minute ticket to be with us for Christmas no matter how expensive because he couldn't take it to the grave with him.
My parents are divorced and i am now a newly divorced mother of a teenage son. so you can imagine how complicated it can get with all the different houses to visit and guilt trips to deal with. this year i am going to brunch with my mother. she wants to hang out for the ENTIRE DAY because she is lonely but I said no, just brunch. of course she wanted to know if i would be going to my father's but i declined to answer that question. My father wants me to come by but I probably won't, not because i don't want to but because after brunch my son will probably go with his father to visit with his family and that might be a little hard for me to deal with. i think it might be best for me if i stay home while he is gone. then when he comes back later that evening i am going to my best friend's house, whose kids are very close with my son, so they can hang out and play video games , and she and I can get drunk and bitch about our crazy families. Happy holidays!
Ugh...my family is easy; DH's isn't. My parents, sibs, and I have a pattern that works as best as it can for the three of us kids and OUR in-laws. So we usually know what's happening and when for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
However, DH's parents are divorced and won't speak or attend an event the other will be at. MIL is a big guilt-tripper, and also is socially awkward and won't ever come to events with my family because it's uncomfortable/overwhelming/too far to drive/whatever; my two SILs don't have any relationship with their dad. So inviting everyone over to our house together isn't an option because they wouldn't come at the same time. Not that we could accommodate them all comfortably in our house: my family (both sibs are married w/kids) and DH's (both sibs are married/engaged; oldest has 8 kids -- yes, 8 -- undisciplined and don't really care whether they see us, one of them I think doesn't even know my name even after 4 years).
MIL also doesn't remember from year to year what the last year's division of holiday time was, and so gets upset about being "slighted" even when she DID see us on a particular holiday. DH's older sister with all the kids doesn't spend holidays with her husband's family, and younger sister lives in TN, so if she's home, they're with MIL. Except when older SIL-with-kids chooses to stay home with her own family and then MIL is all alone (believe me, we get the blame for that too if we don't go...hello, DH is one of three kids! why are we the ones who get the blame?).
And of course, when we spend time with my family, I get the blame from MIL and SILs, even though our decisions for where to spend what part of which holiday are joint decisions. Thankfully my mom is more understanding (though she is still sad when we have to choose time with DH's family over with mine), and DH's dad doesn't care if he and his wife see us ON a holiday, as long as we find time to get together!
Compounding the issue this year is that, this summer, we moved from MN to NY for a three-year stint for DH's work (we still own our house in MN and consider it our long-term home) and so it's our first holiday back after living half a continent away. You can imagine how much extra angst there is since our time is limited and everyone wants to see us TWICE (everyone thinks that, since we'll be back for 10 days, we have nothing else to do...forgetting there is yardwork to do before winter, other commitments with friends and loved ones, and the simple drive time required to get to our people).
ARGH!!!!!!!!!! Okay, thanks for letting me rant to you folks who can sympathize. I am sorry for the difficulties you face in your negotiations as well! :)
Yup, most years, Christmas feels more like a chore - too much passive aggressiveness, too much whining, too much alcohol, unrealistic expectations.....
Instead of focusing on Christmas Day, I try to enjoy the season - I meet friends, I look at festive shops, I go for walks, I have long chats with my Mom on the phone, I make cookies - Christmas Day itself has lost both its appeal and its importance, it almost gets lost in the fun activities I plan around it. I've been much happier since I've started doing it that way.
Pat on the back to those who've said here 'enough is enough, here's what I / we're doing this year'. Coal to the guilt givers & no, you're never to old to get coal; even from your kids or in-laws. Those that dread a long drive; mainly the no kids drivers, books on tape from the library or plenty of favorite music, make sure the car is in shape mechanically but still have emergency stuff with you. Splurge on food or treats for you at any stop; make the trip your 'me' time.
...oh, and I say no a lot. It helps that I am usually out of vacation days by the time Christmas comes around. The joy of being able to say "Sorry... I'll have to skip the step-mother's SIL's get together - I have to work tomorrow". (they don't need to know that I'll probably be the only one in the office!)
I decided long ago that traditions were great for people who can't think for themselves, but that has never been my problem. I never go home for holidays; I usually go to Europe instead. I visit my parents in the summer, when I can spend the bulk of my time with them in their pool. We are all fine with this arrangement.
A couple years ago I decided, I'd let my (still-married, ever-bickering) parents call the shots with Thanksgiving, but from now on I celebrate Christmas my way. They don't feel neglected because I always make a big trip home this time of year, but I get to enjoy Christmas instead of spending it perpetually stressed!
I have a guilt-trip every Christmas, but it's my own making. My parents would hate to know I stress about it.
I've always wanted to be equal (ie take turns) but there are other factors such as it's much more expensive to visit my dad + family as he's further away. There's also the fact that as my mum's only child, she'd be alone. My dad remarried and had two more kids. I don't speak to my uncle (dads brother) after he was particularly nasty to me over something, so if my dad is having an extended family christmas, I'd rather not go.
After a crazy roadtrip last year where I tried to spend as much time with both sides of the family and ended up exhausting myself and my bank account, and because next year I expect to have my own little one to consider (and I'm saving furiously for that!), I drew the line. This year I said "no, I'm staying put, you can come to me. No Christmas presents unless I actually see you on the day (and I expect the same in return, I'm not a grinch!)". The response to this was that my mum was happy to pay for me to join her, while my dad just said 'great, maybe next year'. Of course then I got guilty and forked out the considerable cash to join them on their annual summer holiday. Sigh.
To jachaput: you are a wonderful person and mother
I am soooo glad to find out I'm not alone in the Holiday Tap Dance. My parents have been divorced 15+ years are still barely civil to each other (the siblings weddings have been nightmares and I'd seriously considering eloping whenever I get married). I'm the closest to home at 350 miles and usually make a trip twice a year, but Christmas I tend to have a longer stay to see more relatives and friends. My dad's relatives all live in the same general area so my siblings and I have to rotate between mom, dad, aunts/uncles/cousins. There's been less guilt from my mom since she got remarried so now she's able to spend time with my step-dad's family, but there's definitely still guilt. We used to switch between xmas day and xmas eve with the parents but as we've all gotten older it's turned into a little more of a scheduling battle.
Now I'm dating a guy who grew up in a neighboring city so we spend a fair amount of the holidays together. We try not to stress about it at this point in the relationship though--if both families have big plans at the same time we just split up. It seems to work out well for now, but I'll admit I'm terrified if there's ever a wedding ring or kids in the picture.
Luckily Christmas is the one holiday where timing works out perfectly. Both families live in town, so we go to my family for a couple hours for presents on Christmas morning, then the rest of the day at his family's for presents and dinner. Boxing day is my big family shindig. I'm sure once we have kids it will get much more complicated, but so far so good. Knock on wood!
I'm extremely lucky that my parents and my in-laws get along so well and we all live within 30 minutes drive of each other. We usually do Christmas Eve with my Mum's family, where we alternate each year between my parents', my uncle and aunt's, and my Nana's, Christmas morning at my parents' to open presents, Christmas lunch at the in-laws' and then Christmas dinner at ours. This year though is going to be very interesting - I'm pregnant with my first, and due December 30, and my brother just got married (I invited his in-laws to last year's Christmas dinner). Definitely going to be a bit interesting since I've decided that I am not going to make any plans for the entirety of December!
After many years of trying to keep everyone happy by each spending Christmas separately with our own families (and thus not with each other) in different states across the country, or together with my MIL, my partner and I have finally declared that we don't do family holidays anymore, because traveling during holidays is too expensive and stressful. One year's incident that led to this was our musing that we might do something other than spend Xmas with my MIL, which led to her complaining to her coworkers and asking them to call us to tell us what terrible people we were (which they did)! This insanity went on for 15 years, and the last 4 years of holidays at home alone or with friends, with a phone call to our families, has been a welcome change.
I hated the holidays for years because my mother is so fussy and everything has to be so perfect that everyone ends up perfectly miserable. I just can't stand being around her psycho-crazy whirlwind of perfectionism. If I go to Thanksgiving, I drive in Thanksgiving day an hour (at most) before the dinner starts. I learned years ago that if I spend the night, I get sucked into her last-minute preparations that last until 4am. (It's a potluck - she & my dad provide turkeys, everyone else brings a dish/drinks/etc.). No thanks. This year is my son's year with his dad (we're divorced), and I am so excited to have the option to stay home and enjoy time to myself!
Christmas is even more complicated with my parents wanting me, my brother, and my sister and their respective families at their house for two days at the same time. My mom has been the worst guilt tripper. My siblings and I sat her down and told her that she & my dad were welcome to come to one of our houses since it was just the two of them, and it was a pain in the butt for all of us to rearrange our lives around two people. She's simmered down and relented some. We're having our Christmas on Dec 27th this year because it's the only time all of us can get together on the same day. I'm looking forward to having a low-key 25th at home with my son doing whatever we want - probably sleeping late and watching movies. If he wants to go spend time with his dad that day, I don't mind at all.
I do NOT want my son to ever feel guilty that I'm alone on any holiday. I'm a grownup. I can choose to enjoy the time alone or I can drive to be with friends or family. I could also choose to whine and bitch and be miserable, but that's not me. He doesn't have to feel guilty about anything other than not doing what makes *him* happy during the holidays.
"honestly I feel my MIL's passive aggressiveness each time we speak of it ("Oh don't worry your sister in law is coming down so it's not like we'll be all alone")"
Suggested reply: "great, thanks so much for understanding!"
With a possible addition of "it'll be great for you to have some alone time with her, since we see each other ALL the TIME!"
(I don't do well with passive aggressiveness, can you tell?)
While my folks and my husband's folks are still married to their original partners, we each live in one of the states on the West Coast (we're the furthest north and my in-laws are the furthest south) and thus we have to coordinate who gets what holiday. Conveniently, my SIL got married last weekend and we're having Thanksgiving with my parents, which takes care of the entire month of November and means that my husband and I are free to do whatever we please for Christmas. So we're flying all the way across the country and going to NYC. Sweet!
We lucked out - Jewish and "Christmas - but not religious family". That split is usually easy. Thanksgiving meanwhile . . .
As a mom, grandma and also a daughter I am going to try and be kind with this reponse. But I am so tired of hearing all of you young families complain about having to make your parents happy during the holidays. First let me say that all of mine and my husbands parents are gone and I would give anything to have to worry about who we were going to spend the holidays with. Secondly, your parents who are only asking for a little time are the ones who created wonderful holiday memories for you as you were growing up and, without those memories, I am certain you would not be so fond of holidays as an adult. Lastly, as a parent your turn will come when your kids dont want to spend time with you as they are just too busy and will someday say to you "If you want to see us you come to our place, we are too tired to make some efforts for you" even though you spent your entire life as a parent making efforts and sacrifices so your kids could have wonderful holiday memories. So I say, stop being so selfish and self-centered and be sure and include your parents and inlaws in the holiday events, even if it means a little extra travel, inconvenience etc for you. It wont be long before you dont have parents to worry about...
@V Vegan, And I thought I was the only one with a parent that acts like a child-lol. I gave up trying to make other people happy and now I make a decision which is subject to change based on how I feel at the time. At least I stress less now.
I never had the added layer of divorced parents, but just having ILs makes a huge difference in the holidays. What used to be nice and relaxing with just me and my family became a negotiation nightmare.
My parents and ILs don't get along well, and so even though I hosted several thanksgivings, it ultimately became another animal. Luckily, my parents are fairly relaxed (and would only complain now and again), and so we would move the holiday celebration to a day that was easiest for all of us. This also helped out when my sister married -- as her ILs are also difficult -- so by shifting the holidays around, it made it a lot more fun.
We celebrated "eastern orthodox christmas" in late January (when they traditionally celebrate it), and then we also did "canadian thanksgiving" in October. In early Dec, DH and I had our own, private holiday (in our community), and my parents and I would make a special trip to our favorite winter event together as well (again, not on christmas). DH's family did a new-years gig (nothing my parents did anyway, or anything they were interested in), so it meant spending "actual" holidays with my ILs, but then having "real" holidays (ones without stress) all round them.
For us, divorcing from the actual day to celebrate with more peace and fun and joy was *really nice*. It also extended the holiday season from 4 weeks to 4 months! It wasn't exhausting and had a nice pace.
The last three years have been stressful because we moved to another country. We set up skypes (which was difficult to achieve on our end) only to have our family (passive-aggressively on both sides) "no show." That was year 1.
Year 2, my parents came to visit, and it was a nice holiday but they hate to travel so they were *very* stressed and anxious. It was hard on them, and not as relaxing as we had hoped. We told ILs that we would not be skyping "on christmas." and set up a day that was better for us. They were upset, but that's life.
This year, my ILs are visiting, and they don't arrive until after christmas, so we will skype with my parents who will be "home alone" because my sister's ILs will be at her place for the week (i feel for her!), but they'll be doing our family tradition the week before, plus then seeing her again for "eastern orthodox christmas" too.
Next year, it's unlikely to have any family visiting, and we are relieved! We just want to have a nice, quiet, family holiday. Our plan is to campervan around our new country for a couple of weeks. I'm excited about doing this with our son, and creating our own traditions without drama.
@dianeha What an important perspective you brought. After reading all of these comments I feel so lucky that my entire family has a "the more the merrier" attitude and that I get to spend time with everyone over the holidays. Far from stressful, it is really the most wonderful time of the year. Once people of my generation started having children, we did move the huge family celebration with cousins etc to Martin Luther King Jr. weekend so that the small children could all be at their own homes on Christmas morning.
@michelleb The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday. The weather doesn't stink, and you can go to someone's lake house and get drunk with your friends. Explosives, alcohol, rabid nationalism - Best holiday ever.
After years of stressful holidys with family and my then boyfriends family, I made the decision to "do" thanksgiving and christmas on my own or to spend it with select friends. I bring a side dish, dessert or wine, have a great meal, have a great time and then go home, usally with a small plate of leftovers too. It's has amazed me how much less stress I have had in my life and how much better I enjoy the holidays. I used to get the comments "Aren't you lonely?" to which I replies Nope, I'm loving the me time!
I second rose123. 4th of July rocks as a holiday and I do invite all to my small place on a lake.
Ah yes, the fun of divorced parents. When I was younger my dad would come over for Thanksgiving, but then he remarried and now he won't even set foot in my mom's house. At least they're civil at weddings and kids birthdays.
Luckily (uh, I guess), my sisters and I aren't that close with our dad and he's not really the kind of dad who cares if he spends time with us. so it's an easy choice for all of us to spend the holidays with our mom. When we were kids dad would get us on Christmas Eve then we'd go home to spend the night at our house. We've kind of carried on that tradition, we have dinner with dad on CE and the rest of the time is mom's. We also have Thanksgiving with mom and will usually have dinner with him later in the week or sometimes dessert. My mom is also single and I'd never let her spend the holidays alone, but we are all much closer with her.
I hate to say it, but I'm glad my brother in law is not close with his parents because we don't have to share them on holidays with his family. I just love being with my family on the holidays, it's not the same without us all together.
Every year we have two of everything, 2 Thanksgiving dinners, 2 Christmas dinners. Mom is still single so we have dinner with her on the real day, with dad who has a girlfriend the next day. Sometimes it's at our house sometimes at theirs. Cheers!
Oh my god, holidays with family. All I can think of are the Thanksgivings and Christmases I spent crying in the bathroom because my ex-mil was a mean b**** from hell and my ex-husband would never tell her to back off. After my divorce, I spent a few holidays with other families as one of the rounded-up strays but that was just awkward. I am an only child and both my parents are deceased. I now spend holidays alone either at home watching movies and enjoying a home-cooked meal or I have dinner at a restaurant. I know most people would rather be buried alive than spend a major holiday alone but I have done it and the world has not ended and I am still here.
That is basically what I say. :)
I love my MIL but I hate passive agressiveness!
Oh yeah, I was a big stressball the first 10 years my husband and I were together. His parents divorced when he was young, each have remarried and have families as well.
All of my family and all of his family live here, within an hours drive, so it's not like there's a distance excuse to not make it. The first 5 years we were expected to be in 4 places at once. I think our record was 5 Christmasses in 24 hours.
As the oldest in both families, we were the ones that had to do the "breaking in" of parents to recognize that once your children become adults and pair off, there are other families that get dibs as well.
Now that other siblings are older, they now realize just how much effort we went to to try to accommodate everyone. As such, now Christmas is not necessarily on the 25th. It's when everyone can get together. A HUGE relief.
@dianeha, re: "...So I say, stop being so selfish and self-centered and be sure and include your parents and inlaws in the holiday events, even if it means a little extra travel, inconvenience etc for you. It wont be long before you dont have parents to worry about"
That's great and all, but you don't seem to address the problem that most people are talking about here. That is, what about when you have three or four different sets of parents in different states? And they all feel put out when they don't see you on every holiday? And they don't like each other and will not spend the holiday together at any one house? And, since you are only human and do not have a time machine, you can't actually be in 3 places at once? And then one or more of them gives the same little guilt trip speech you just laid out, adding a part about how they feel they got screwed out of XYZ last year and/or about how the other parent shouldn't get equal time because they've always been a horrible person, and topped off with a statement about how you'll probably be relieved when they die so you don't have to worry about spending your precious time with them anymore?
Maybe that's not how things go in your family, but that's a painfully common situation if the comments here are any indication, and you should consider that before you start throwing around accusations about people being "selfish and self-centered." I think what's selfish is grown-ups who cannot see that they are placing impossible demands upon their children, and are making everyone miserable. It's not that I don't have sympathy--obviously I don't want any of my parents or in-laws to be alone on any holiday, and obviously I would love it if we could all share a happy holiday together. But, for reasons beyond my personal control (I can't help it if they hate each other and/or live in different states), neither of those things are possible. Yet it is the adult children who are supposed to make the peace and broker the arrangements to keep the grandparents as happy as possible, and it is the grandchildren who end up getting dragged to and fro across the country with stressed out parents trying to assuage the feelings of pouting senior citizens. So, yes, some of us have had enough.
No divorced parents in our family, but that doesn't mean there's no stress about this. We're a minimum 4-hour drive to every part of the family. We used to try and visit both sides of the family for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Then it became absolutely awful when we had kids. We pretty much had to decide what we wanted each holiday for our (immediate) family to be like, i.e., wake up in our own home on Christmas morning with the kids, and then plan from there. After 10+ years, I'm finally able to hear parental guilt-tripping and just shrug it off (and inwardly roll my eyes). I want my kids to grow up experiencing the joy and wonder of the holidays like I did---and not spend all their time in the car.
I guess misery loves company or something like that;from reading all of these horrific stories I no longer miss potential family get togethers. I'm not close to my parents or sibling and it's been at least 20 yrs since we spent a holiday together. My hubby's family refuse to spend any time with us since they are religious fanatics and us being a married gay couple is beyond the pale. Sad but there it is. We usually spend Thanksgiving & Christmas with friends, though we have had blissful ones with just us. Life is too short to let others make you miserable - do what's best for you!
Amen to this one!
I don't even have more than two families! The pull between these two families was immense!
And, in our case, it really was a matter of time. Everyone wanted us on "the day." Thankfully, my parents (but not my ILs) understood and that's why we spread our celebrations out.
Our situation? DH and I graduated and had modest school debt. We also had saved up in university for our first move, and actually were able to qualify for a small condo. So, we decided to pay off all of our debt as quickly as possible, and did so by working pretty much non-stop. DH had a nice 'day job' but also did some part time contract work with another company (often working weekends). I worked part time and ran my own business as the full time gig.
This essentially meant that we worked pretty much every day of the year. I had clients who contracted me to work with them on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. This meant I only had "free time" on these days from 12 onwards, and driving two hours to one family, having a meal at two, jumping into the car at 4, driving an additional two horus, having dinner at 6:30, leaving at 8:30 and driving 4 hrs back to arrive home at 12:30 am, only to have to get up at 5:30 am that day to go and work a full working day. . . it wasn't exactly a nice time.
You add to this the normal family dramas, and all in all, it doesn't make for a fun time.
And, while I'm sure that we could have worked less during that time, the reality is that we were making hay while the sun was shining, and were able to pay off everything very quickly and create a good, solid financial foundation and future for ourselves.
This allowed us to move internationally, start our business here, and actually have more free time with our son (DH works part time with the business, I work full time, and DS requires no child care, but does go to kindergarden 3 mornings a week -- and that's when DH works). It supports us beautifully, too. So, now, we live a "normal" life. . . debt free, living our dreams, and having the opportunity to be with and raise our son.
This was possible because of those "hard yards."
When we explained our POV to our parents (which happened around age 27 or so, about 5 years into this process), my ILs thought we were great for being so financially responsible, but that we should still remember the holidays are important to them.
Did i mention that my husband and I don't care about holidays -- decorations, parties, etc? Not really interested.
Anyway, my parents said that they didn't understand why we couldn't "take our time" with the debt with tax breaks and all, and that we shouldn't work so hard, but they understood that we were working for our goals (not theirs), and as such they said that if it would be better to have holidays on other days, then we'd do that.
And that's how it worked out. So, on holidays, we would work in the mornings, then drive 2 hrs to DH's parents and have a meal, and then drive home to work again the next day. And on our normal days off (Sundays), we would go and do activities with my family that were holiday-themed.
We still don't care about holidays. Our DS is 4.5, and we have zero holiday traditions at this point. Since my ILs aer visiting, we really arent' able to make any. But, hopefully no one will visit next year, and we'll be abl to have some family time. On our agenda? Hiking and camping. That's how we want to spend the holiday.
Our families? not so much.
I am very lucky because my family is so flexible and such gluttons that the more holiday dinners the better. We all work weird hours so we always have to schedule holiday dinners anytime other than the actual holiday. This is perfect because now that other people's family have entered the picture we can have dinners are their houses on the respectives days and then keep partying before and after! When you actually like your family and enjoy spending time with them it makes it very easy to find ways to get together and show each other how much we appreciate and love each other. I am very lucky.
We negotiated holidays on the fly with little problem between my parents, my husband's mom, and his dad and step-mom (who is more second mom at this point since she's been around since he was 5ish). Each lives in a different state. My husband is a "planner" and had the foresight to see an issue when we were about to have our first child - he put together a spread sheet outlining a fair rotation of holidays for the next 18 years. He sent it to everyone and said it wasn't up for negotiation. It was widely accepted and each parent plans their holiday celebration accordingly. We still know that they get bummed out (did I mention we have the only grandchildren on either side?) but everyone gets their time each year, and any of them are welcome at our home at any time. Skype helps. My parents are also really flexible and will do "Christmas" with the family whenever we can get together - a model set by my maternal grandfather who said it felt like Christmas whenever he had his family around him, regardless of the date. It should be said my mother's side of the family celebrated Christmas together on MLK weekend as it allowed for travel and family sharing. I still see my mother's family every MLK weekend for the last Christmas of the season 10 years after my grandfather's passing. Now the only thing I have to deal with is my husband having to keep his end of the deal and share a holiday with someone, I think he really wants a holiday to himself at this point!
Some people don't even have a family to spend the holidays with and this is a lonely time of year for them. We should all be grateful to have people who want us around.
DH hates my family. We've been married 25+ years. 7 years ago he decided that he is NEVER going to spend Christmas at home again - he doesn't like his family either. So, we've been away on cruises for the last 7 years for Chirstmas and Easter. Thanksgiving has been kind of up for grabs. His "take" is that we did things "my" way or the way my mother and sisters wanted for 17 years - so now it's HIS turn. I explained that I don't think it's too much to ask that I spend ONE holiday a year with my family. The last three years we've hosted Thanksgiving. Sounds great - right? Well, every year there has been some "incident" with dh. Last year he made very hurtful and condescending remarks to my family. When I tried talking to him about it the next day - he said that he was just kidding. Then, in the heat of an argument a few days later, he said "I was just saying how I felt". Fast forward to this year. One of my sister's lives 6 hours away. She invited the family for Thanksgiving. Initially dh said he would go as long as we JUST went for two nights, and ONLY went to their house for dinner - nothing else. Two days later he decided that he can't take off of work the day after Thanksgiving. Well, I decided that I'm going anyway. My mother is afraid to fly by herself. Long and short - we're leaving Thanksgiving morning and will be back by noon on Saturday. DH has to work on Friday, so it's not like I'll be gone that long. His mother and sister have invited him, but he said "No - the only person I want to spend Thanksgiving with is YOU (meaining ME because I don't care about anyone else.". I explained that we can do "Thanksgiving" the night before - anywhere he wants to go (he really prefers to go out). He's always said "It's just another day". I really believe he's making an issue out of this because he hates my family. I think that if I were going to a friend's house , he wouldn't act this way. Of course I will not bring this up to add fuel to the fire.
Any opinions?


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|By PR Newswire
Article Rating:
|December 5, 2012 01:26 PM EST
ABINGDON, England, December 5, 2012 /PRNewswire/ --
Kaspersky Lab experts have today outlined the key security trends of 2012 and presented their views on the core threats of 2013. The most notable predictions for the next year include the continued rise of targeted attacks, cyber-espionage and nation-state cyber-attacks, the evolving role of hacktivism, the development of controversial 'legal' surveillance tools and the increase in cybercriminal attacks targeting cloud-based services.
Targeted attacks on businesses have only become a prevalent threat within the last two years. Kaspersky Lab expects the amount of targeted attacks, with the purpose of cyber-espionage, to continue in 2013 and beyond, becoming the most significant threat for businesses. Another trend that will likely impact companies and governments is the continued rise of 'hacktivism' and politically-motivated cyber-attacks.
State-sponsored cyber warfare is also expected to continue in 2013. In fact, during 2012, Kaspersky Lab discovered three new major malicious programs that were used in cyber warfare operations: Flame, Gauss and miniFlame. While Flame was the largest and most sophisticated of the cyber-espionage programs, its longevity was its most prominent characteristic. Being at least a five-year-old project, Flame was an example of a complex malicious program that could exist undetected for an extended amount of time while collecting massive amounts of data and sensitive information from its victims. Experts at Kaspersky Lab expect more countries to develop their own cyber programs for the purposes of cyber-espionage and cyber-sabotage. These attacks will affect not only government institutions, but also businesses and critical infrastructure facilities.
In 2012 an on-going debate also took place on whether or not governments should develop and use specific surveillance software to monitor suspects in criminal investigations. Kaspersky Lab predicts that 2013 will build on this issue as governments create or purchase additional monitoring tools to enhance the surveillance of individuals, which will extend beyond wiretapping phones to enabling secret access to targeted mobile devices. Government-backed surveillance tools in the cyber environment will most likely continue to evolve, as law-enforcement agencies try to stay one step ahead of cybercriminals. At the same time, controversial issues about civil liberties and consumer privacy associated with the tools will also continue to be raised.
Online privacy will also become more of an issue. Development of social networks, and, unfortunately, new threats that affect both consumers and businesses have drastically changed the perception of online privacy and trust. As consumers understand that a significant portion of their personal data is handed over to online services, the question is whether or not they trust them. Such confidence has already been shaken following the wake of major password leaks from some of the most popular web services such as Dropbox and LinkedIn. The value of personal data - for both cybercriminals and legitimate businesses - is destined to grow significantly in the near future.
2012 has been the year of the explosive growth of mobile malware, with cybercriminals' primary focus being the Android platform, as it was the most popular and widely used. In 2013 we are likely to see a new alarming trend - the use of vulnerabilities to extend 'drive-by download' attacks on mobile devices. This means that personal and corporate data stored on smartphones and tablets will be targeted as frequently as it is targeted on traditional computers. For the same reasons (rising popularity), new sophisticated attacks will be performed against owners of Apple devices as well.
As vulnerabilities in mobile devices become an increasing threat for users, computer application and program vulnerabilities will continue to be exploited on PCs. Kaspersky Lab named 2012 the year of Java vulnerabilities, and in 2013 Java will continue to be exploited by cybercriminals on a massive scale. However, although Java will continue to be a target for exploits, the importance of Adobe Flash and Adobe Reader as malware gateways will decrease as the latest versions include automated update systems for patching security vulnerabilities.
Useful links
- Top Ten Security Stories that Shaped 2012 and Security Forecast for 2013
- Previous stories
- Kaspersky Security Bulletin
Kaspersky Lab Newsroom
Kaspersky Lab has launched a new online newsroom, Kaspersky Lab Newsroom Europe (http://newsroom.kaspersky.eu/en), for journalists throughout Europe. The newsroom is specifically designed to serve many of the media's most common requests, making it easier for journalists to find product and corporate information, facts and figures, editorial copy, images, videos and audio files, as well as details about the appropriate PR contacts.
About Kaspersky Lab
Kaspersky Lab is the world's largest privately held vendor of endpoint protection solutions. The company is ranked among the world's top four vendors of security solutions for endpoint users*. Throughout its 15-year history Kaspersky Lab has remained an innovator in IT security and provides effective digital security solutions for consumers, SMBs and Enterprises. The company currently operates in almost 200 countries across the globe, providing protection for over 300 million users worldwide. Learn more at http://www.kaspersky.co.uk. For the latest on antivirus, anti-spyware, anti-spam and other IT security issues and trends, visit: http://www.securelist.com/.
*The company was rated fourth in the IDC rating Worldwide Endpoint Security Revenue by Vendor, 2010. The rating was published in the IDC report Worldwide IT Security Products 2011-2015 Forecast and 2010 Vendor Shares - December 2011. The report ranked software vendors according to earnings from sales of endpoint security solutions in 2010.
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Remove Blog creation at signup ?
I would like to remove the option to create a blog at signup.
I know you can change the options in your dashboard , but I still want users to be able to create a blog at a later stage.
Tried to delete things relating to blogs in register.php – , with no effect.
Is there any other way to remove this from your registration page??
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Never thought a post I would make could get that many notes. Thanks guys glad you liked it, I'll post more pokemon.
An expression of adrenaline.
Driving down the highways exhaust notes blaring behind me.
The car next to me maintaining aggressively
Heart pounding through my chest as I begin to get the advantage
A ravaging jolt echoes across my body as the seat belt jolts
The red streaks fly past without missing a beat
I just hit my fucking governor…
I kind of pity my ex.
She looks so strung out and it's pretty gross. I feel pity for her that she turned into what she did. But she helped me find someone absolutely amazing that had been around for a while who I didn't know cared about me.
Thank you, I wish I could help you be a better person than what you've become. I hope you get better one day and I hope you are happy one day. I hope you realize how naive you are. Just a child playing with adult emotions.
What to say about last night.
Got drunk for the first time since 2011, it was nice because Melissa had a few drinks that I made (small ones because she doesn't really drink) and I was drinking out of Big Gulp cups… I drank over half a bottle of Sailor Jerry… Had probably the most amazing sex of my life. I'll just say that drinking while having fun with my best friend is something I missed.


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By Robin SchwartzFox 2 News ReporterMELVINDALE, Mich. -- A Total Armored car pulled out of the Melvindale Police Department parking lot just hours after a frightening armed robbery at the Metro Gas Mart at Oakwood and Dix.Workers did not want to talk on camera, but told us two men wearing ski masks got out of their vehicle just before 9:00 a.m. and demanded cash from the armored car driver while a third suspect waited in a dark-colored Chevy. We're told the thieves were armed with nine millimeter handguns and also stole the armored car driver's weapon.Melvindale police also refused to talk on camera, but told us the robbery was caught on the gas station's surveillance video. So far that video has not been released. Investigators are reviewing it and looking for leads.We've also learned that a large amount of cash was stolen in the heist.In the hours following the robbery, it appeared to be business as usual at the busy gas station, which remained open with a steady stream of customers.A representative from Total Armored Car in Detroit declined to comment, but we're told their workers were making a routine bank pickup at the time of the heist.It's not clear whether the suspects had been watching the gas station or were familiar with the armored car's route.Gas station employees told us it all happened fast. Thankfully no one was hurt.Anyone with information should call Melvindale Police.
WTTG FOX 5 & myfoxdc5151 Wisconsin Ave. NWWashington, DC 20016Main Number: (202) 244-5151Newsroom: (202) firstname.lastname@example.com


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Dramatic river cut gorges, beautiful beaches, rocky headlands and deep tangled forests are the quintessential Garden Route images. Stretching from anywhere between Stilbaai and Mossel Bay in the west, to Stormsriver or Port Elizabeth (PE) in the east, it's a gorgeous stretch of coastal paradise strung out along the N2. Purists will squash it up between Mossel Bay and Stormsriver but, as the popularity of the Garden Route grew and small towns at its edge realised the marketing potential, it just seemed to spread. No problem - it spread to some cool places.
The towns generally accepted to be part of the Garden Route are Mossel Bay, George, Wilderness, Sedgefield, Knysna, Plettenberg Bay and Stormsriver. Stilbaai and Albertinia have snuck in on the West and Humansdorp and even Port Elizabeth are muscling in from the east. Inland, the Little Karoo and Route 62, which have no pretensions to being the Garden Route, are often treated as the same destination, as it's pretty easy zigzag between them by driving the many scenic passes over the Outeniqua Mountains. Initially the Garden Route was seen as very much a beach and/or family holiday destination, which it is, but there is also so much to do. There's great hiking, with rambles ranging from an hour to a few days covering rocky coasts, deep forests, pretty fynbos and long sandy beaches. The diving is good, as is the surfing, and there are some fun sea kayaking and flat water paddling trips. Some of the country's best mountain bike trails snake through the forests, and there are horse trails for every taste and level of ability. Tandem skydiving, paragliding, and a range of scenic flights all offer different birds eye views.
The Garden Route offers some of the best boat based whale watching in the world, flower lovers and birders will also have a field day traipsing off through the forest or the fynbos, and there are numerous national parks and nature reserves. Steam buffs will love the narrow gauge Outeniqua Choo-Tjoe. For the more culturally inclined, there are township tours, museums, lovely old buildings, funky craft shops, markets, art galleries and loads of live music venues. And, of course, a flotilla of great restaurants - many of which specialise in seafood - in each town. The Garden Route is a golfer's dream destination - you could play a different course every day for a week and still have a few left over.
Of course, this is not all good news as golf courses use an exorbitant amount of water and take up vast amounts of space but, as long as the golf-estate-building spree fizzles out soon, there should be sufficient space remaining between the fairways for a bit of forest, perhaps some shops and even a house or two. But that's not your problem, is it? If you fancy a round in paradise, get in now before it closes down. And if golf is too slow for you - there are more international standard polo fields in Plett alone than there are in the rest of the country put together. You could spend anything from a weekend to a month at a tailor-made polo clinic.
But what the Garden Route is most suitable for is relaxation - and even that's been somewhat institutionalised with almost every second hotel housing a wellness centre or spa. Not that that's a problem, mind. After a hard day on the beach you'll probably need a chocolate mud bath, colour therapy or hot stone massage.
Thesen island as Romance Mania, supplied by Nature. - Gorgeous, fresh. Beautiful to wake up to. Very romantic and adventurous if you're mischievous enough.
Plett - Very nice and beautiful view and not too far from Cape Town, I love the beach and everything is very close to each other
Stilbaai - We had the most wonderful time during the easter weekend. Love the town and especially the well stocked Spar and other lovely shops and all the friendly people.
Heaven - Nature's Valley is possibly the most beautiful part of the Garden Route. Unspoilt yet offering a few guesthouses/self-catering places, it's ideal for a few days of relaxing and fresh air. Long walks on the beach or in the forest, hiking trails to suit all ages and fitness levels, photographic heaven, views to die for, a friendly pub/restaurant and little shop for all emergency supplies - if you haven't yet spent a few days there you're missing out on something special.
Sedgefield - Beautiful coastal town with a lagoon and lovely beaches.
Can really come to relax in this peaceful village!
Knysna is only 25 km away!
Beach inGarden Route
Theatre, Gallery or Museum inGarden Route
Golf Course inGarden Route
Dam or Vlei inGarden Route
Animal Park inGarden Route
Nature Reserve inGarden Route
Village Marketplace inGarden Route
Seafood Restaurant inGarden Route
Bistro Restaurant inGarden Route
Restaurant inGarden Route
Coffee Shop Restaurant inGarden Route
South African Restaurant inGarden Route
Country Restaurant inGarden Route
City in Western Cape
Suburb in Knysna
Town in Western Cape