text:
"And I aint sayin that he don't love you…But I don't think he love you like I do…"
(Sweets POV)
When Chris's Range pulled up with Keeis, Aaron, Pat and Mijo and two other guys I didn't recognize…I finally breathed a sigh of relief. I had been standin in the yard of my now empty condo for 30 minutes hidin behind my old shrubs. I had moved all my stuff out to a new place in the Hollywood hills last week. I knew after Davis and I went at it last weekend and he threw me across the room and I hit the wall that IT WAS TIME TO GO! I had put up wit the yellin…shakin me…and punchin the wall an inch from my head. All because he was suspicious of everythin! And lets's not even get on how SUPER JEALOUS HE WAS OF CHRIS and TREY! I think he became their number one hater in 3 weeks time! I had never been through no shit like that and if there was one thing I knew that it was gonna get worse. No compromisin…no workin it out…I WAS OUT! It had only been two months and he started showin his possessive and crazy side about 3 weeks ago! He seemed so sweet in the begininn….BUT DON'T THEY ALL!!! I really liked him…and we had a lot in common and well he was the closest dick I had found to Chris! But in the end HE WAS NOT HIM! So I had to get away.
I knew that he would come straight to my house after we fought in his driveway about me even acknowledgin Chris's existence. He grabbed me and started shakin the shit out of me but I pulled away and hit him in the face…He grabbed my throat and I dug my fingers in his eyes and grabbed the handle fallin out the car! I jumped up and I seen him comin for me….I had a few brusies and a scraps on my knees where I fell down but I kicked off my flats… grabbed my purse and took off down the street! I ran….I ran so fuckin hard I made it to my place in less than 10 minutes…It was a 20 minute drive. When I collapsed on my yard I couldn't get Chris out my mind…I was hopin if I reached out he would at least send Mijo. So I text him…and he…he came…Deep with all his goons!
"Where that muthafucka at?" Chris said jumpin out.
"He aint here…let's go!" I said shakin.
"Where he stay at?" Mijo demanded.
"Ya'll please can we just go….I just want to go home." I said exhasusted.
"Home…You at home." Chris said confused.
"No…I moved out of here a week ago…I got a new place in the hills." I said lookin cause I saw a car pass.
"You let this muthafucka run you out your shit! What the fuck Sweets!" Chris said rubbin his hands over his face.
"Look I don't want to argue…Can we please just go." I pleaded cause I didn't know how long we had.
"Aight let's go." He said goin and openin the passenger side door for me.
I jumped in and we all rode to my new condo. Once we all got inside I felt relaxed. MIjo's two goon friends were makin themselves at home….And I have to admit they made me nervous. They were all still hype wantin to find Davis…Of course the last thing Chris or Mijo needed so I was definitely not gona tell them no matter how mad they got! Honestly I was tired of them always havin to come to my rescue…and had I had my piece with me…Our fight tonight would have definitely ended differently. I was exhausted and my head was poundin so I knew I needed to go lay down immediately. I saw Chris watchin me while he was on his phone as I walked out of the livin room and upstairs. I hadn't seen him in person in two months and had only spoken to him maybe a handful of times back in March. He looked sexy as fuck but I wasn't goin there. I was hurt when I found out they had shot two videos for him and Tyga's mixtape and didn't ask me to come style it! So that's why it shocked me that he even came.
RELAX I took a shower and stood there lookin at myself in the mirror…I had bruises on my neck and arms…I had scrapes on my knees…but I was good. My head had stopped hurtin so I guess the shower relaxed me. I pulled on a big t-shirt… some basketball shorts and went back downstairs. When I came down the stairs Mijo's Goons, Aaron and Keeis were gone. Mijo and Pat had found the food that was in my fridge and were helpin themselves. Chris had his hat tilted up while he was goin through his phone. I have to admit I was shocked as shit by how Draya was tryin to help me at the restaurant…but at the same time after how me and Chris ended I didn't know if I should trust it. I looked over at him out the side of my eye as I walked into the kitchen…He was readin somethin intensely so I didn't say anythin.
"Aye Sis these ribs is the shit!" Mijo said smackin.
"Yup!" Pat said smackin as well makin Chris look up at them.
"Well thank you very much." I said smilin cause I had bbq'd them myself.
"You did this!" Chris finally said grabbin one and eatin it.
"Yes…Why ya'll actin like ya'll didn't know I had bbq skills?" I said laughin a little goin on into the kitchen.
"Shit this givin you a run for your money!" Chris said bumpin Pat and grabbin another one.
"Aye I aint gonna front Sweets these is damn good…You helpin on the grill next time." Pat said chucklin.
"You got it! I love to bbq just don't get to do it much." I said pourin myself a drink and walkin over as they all smacked.
"Well…You gonna make the ribs next time…Sorry Nigga!" Mijo said to Pat.
"I aint mad…I ain't mad at all." He laughed.
I shook my head and went and checked my phone. 20 missed calls..10 voicemails…18 texts messages. I sighed and checked them. All 20 calls and 18 text messages were from Davis. THAT WAS IT!! I'M CHANGIN MY NUMBER IN THE MORNIN! I rubbed my temple as I put my phone down. When I looked up Chris was standin next to me.
"He still callin?" He asked softly.
"Yea.." I said lookin over hopin Mijo didn't hear as I took another sip of my drink.
"You need to get-"
"My number changed…I know…Gonna do it in the mornin." I interrupted him and walked out to my terrace.
All this was hard for me…I called myself movin on AGAIN and yet where did I end up…Right back with a psycho and Chris comin to my rescue…This shit was startin to get embarassin! I mean I tried bein careful…Even picky this time and when Tey introduced me to Davis he seem so sweet. He was tall, althletic, tatted… Gorgeous eyes and smile…Smooth chocolate skin and dimples! Imma sucker for dimples…If you couldn't tell. Shit his sex game was on point…and even though he was a bench warmer…I could have got used to the basketball "Wife" status that was already bein shown to me in just two months. But it was also my first time dealin with an older guy other than Trey &Raul…Which were only two years older than me. But Davis was 5 years older and well I think he looked at me as some little girl he could train! UH HELL NO! All in all I knew it wouldn't last but I had to do somethin to get my mind of this 6'2, Freckled faces, Gorgeous smilin, beautiful eyed, tatted up like a subway in Harlem, Dick and tongue game so good make you wanna slap ya mama, Dimple faced, Monsta havin, Light bright that I just can't seem to GET AWAY FROM!
Thought I was takin a chance…
"Pretty out here." He said closin the slidin door.
"Yea it is…Just makes you wanna get lost in the night." I said sighin and lookin out.
"Iont know the backstory…But I'm glad you safe." He said now standin next to me lookin out at the skyline.
"Yea…I knew I had to get away…Been plottin on it for two weeks now…And seenin you, Mijo and the crew earlier was my sign…" I said calmly.
"Was he…Hittin you?" He asked like he didn't want the words to come out.
"Not yet…Just tossed me a few times…Shook me like crazy… bruised me up but…it..it was comin…" I said numbly. I knew he was havin all types of flashbacks. Damn.
He didn't say anythin he just dropped his head and shuffled back and forth with his hands in his pockets….
"Look don't be take this shit on…I'm ok now…I've been through worse…I'm just happy that you came." I said rubbin his arm as he looked at me.
He nodded his head and then a small smile crept on his face.
"God works in mysterious ways." Was all he said shakin his head and smilin harder.
"Yes he does." I said smilin at him.
"So how you meet him anyway?" He had to ask.
"Uggh…through Tey." I said cringin at the thought. "We was at the game and he asked her bout me … well the rest is definitely in my history."
He clenched his jaw…Guess he was irritated that Tey was tryin to hook me up with guys. But hey…I'm SINGLE REMEMBER!
"That's cool…Just need to be careful out here…Not every nigga a good dude." He said starin straight ahead.
Was he really givin me datin advice??? Is that where we at now? WOW…JUST WOW!
"Oh beeelieve me I know." I said takin another sip of my drink. THE BUZZ FEEL GOOD!
"So what you doin for your birthday?" He asked changin the subject.
I hadn't really even thought about it…Been havin so much drama I didn't realize it was in what…2 days…WHOA! It hit me that Chris was about to be 21! I knew he had to do it big!
"I really don't know after all this…Somethin chill…Been writin for Keri so probably workin.." I said gettin chills.
"Yea…Same here…I can't get a venue…So just gonna be at the studio." He said soundin defeated.
It still irked me that he still was bein shut out of everythin…Even tho he was bein used for publicity left and right…The club scene preffered Rob's presense over his….Just sucks.
"That's not cool…" I said tryin to contain my irritation about it all.
"Shit I ain't trippin…I can do the same shit I would do in the club at the studio…With the people I know really give a fuck about me you know." He said tryin to save face.
"You right…So how is the mixtape comin along…I heard bout the Holla At Me and G Shit videos…" I said turnin to him.
"Oh yea…it's gonna be dope…We wrapped on it." He said nervously.
"So when can I hear it?…Seein as how I didn't get a call bout the videos." I said crossin my arms.
"Yea…Bout that…Sorry…It wasn't no big production just got thrown together real quick." He said smilin nervously.
"Mmm hmm." I said rollin my eyes.
"No…Really…It was… I mean…Ok. But I didn't think you would do it…Hell when the last time I talked to you?" He said adjustin his hat and scratchin his head.
"All you had to do was pick up the phone…I mean we are still business partners right?" I said makin my point.
He sighed. He knew I would be pissed…I mean I was still apart of CBE and even though it was a joint project with Ty…I was over stylin! I should have been called Sir!
"You right and Im sorry for real." He said lookin at me sincerely.
"Ok…Just don't let that shit happen again or I'm shuttin down the studio!" I said laughin.
"Shuttin down…You stupid." He said laughin.
"Hey I got pull…Now go get me some damn cheesecake!" I said bumpin his arm.
"I ain't gotta do that shit…I'm the boss!" He said laughin.
"Pssh…Whatever I got the most titles so I run shit." I said
"You got me fucked up…It's CBE not HBE." He said makin a face at me.
"HBE sounds pretty good tho…" I said lookin out at the skyline.
"Oh yea…" He said walkin up on me.
"See that's not what I meant.." I said tryin to control my hormones cause he smelled good as hell.
"But it does sound good…Helena Brown…Never said it out loud before." He said lookin down at me so close I shivered.
"You…You crazy…" I said steppin back and shakin my head.
"What? I know you done that shit before…Aint that what ya'll do…Put your first name with ya loves last name and shit…Don't front…Yea you have." He said laughin. "Be doodlin it with hearts and shit…Don't lie!"
"Pssh…The only man I have ever done that shit with was Will Smith and well he ain't leavin Jada no time soon." I said laughin.
"See!…But hell nah…Helena Smith…Nah fuck that…It don't even sound right." He said soundin offended.
"Don't be a hater…I was gonna have him all kinds of big eared babies!" I said laughin harder.
"Pssh…Like Hell!" He said rollin his eyes.
"What I'm only supposed to have freckle face curly haired ones?" I said lookin up at him.
"Pssh…YA DAMN RIGHT WOMAN!" He said turnin back to me bein goofy.
"Whatever…I'm goin inside you keep dreamin." I said walkin back in side laughin.
"Hey…I didn't say you could leave…I need you barefoot and pregnant woman!" He said followin me laughin.
"Not gonna happen." I laughed as we walked to the livin room.
I looked at the couch and Pat and Mijo were knocked out! I felt awkward cause well now me and Chris were alone and I didn't feel comfortable with my strength at the moment.
"So uh…I got a spare room over there." I said turnin to him.
I could see he looked shocked…I mean I had never made him sleep in the guest bedroom…but I wasn't tryin to GO THERE…Cause well HE WAS DONE REMEMBER??
"Spare….Pssh stop playin." He said laughin lightly.
"I'm not." I said firmly.
"Really?" He said with his voice crackin. GUESS HE SHOCKED!
"Yes..B…I gotta get some rest…There's some blankets and sheets on the bed." I said walkin up the stairs as he stood there with his mouth open.
What did he think was gonna happen? I haven't seen or talk to you in two months…Plus he was still with who…DRAYA!
"Sweets….Come on…It's me!" He said still tryin to plead his case.
"Yea I know its YOU…I'll see you in the mornin…Goodnight." I said walkin off to my room.
The day of Our birthday I was actually excited…I was now 23…Man I'm gettin old…I had been through so much in my live in the last 8 years….I felt like I was 40! But it was a new chapter…I blank slate for me to write…I was definitely changin and my biggest change was livin for me…I had wasted so many years livin for everyone else…I was ready to see what the maturity of 23 was gonna bring me! Branchin out…Yes I still wanted Chris in my world but we had changed so much that it was time…time for me to see who else life had for me…
Although we had decided that we were gonna be workin for Our birthday…Keri wanted to surprise Chris with a mini party. So we got together with Ty, Trell, Nino, Polow, Kevin, Tina, Seven, Shad, Tey, O, Moe, Mijo, Momma, Mommi, the fam and yes even Draya to plan a little get together for him. I knew he was down about not bein able to have it at a club even tho he was tryin to hide it…So I knew it would lift his spirits! We set the studio up with all of our favorite foods and Me, Momma and Draya made him a cake…Yea go figure! I made sure the studio was stocked with Ace Of Spades and Rose' so he could do it up right. I got a hold of everybody from Lonny to the CBE crew to Game…They all said they were comin through so it was set! When He walked in he was on the phone and damn near dropped it! He was so shocked that we pulled it off without him even knowin…Which was hard cause he nosey as shit! HAHA! The smile on his face was priceless….
Happy Birthday Baby…
"I can't believe ya'll did this." He said still cheesin and sippin the champagne.
"What you think you was just gonna sit here alone?" I said sippin on mine.
"Well actually I thought so cause everybody I talked to said they had shit to do so…Yea!" He said downin the last of his drink.
"We wasn't gonna leave you hangin nigga!" Shad said on his third class.
"Preciate it man." He said lookin around at everybody smilin.
"Aye this nigga's glass empty…Fill that bitch back up!" Shad said loudly.
"Oh My God…" I said laughin.
"You know he bout to turn up." Chris said laughin with me.
O and Kevin came over with the bottles and O handed Chris one.
"Nigga…Fuck a glass…You take that shit to the head out the bottle!" O said already turnt too.
"Hell Yeah!" Kevin and Shad said
I knew this was gonna be interestin to watch…Chris had never got totally fucked up before…He was pretty much a lightweight…Two drinks tops and he was feelin it! So a bottle of Ace! He was gonna be dancin on of the program table! HAHA! Hell he already hyperactive and loud! So I just decided to brace myself!
After about an hour of Polow playin tracks they were workin on…Then Kevin playin the Fan Of A Fan Tracks…It was a full blown party. I noticed that Draya and Chris weren't interactin much but it wasn't my place to pry so I didn't ask. She pretty much sipped on the same glass of champagne…Scrolled through her phone and laptop in the corner to herself. Which was not like her at all! After Momma and Mommi left and we gave Chris his gift and I was given mine….It was time to migrate to Chris's house. Once we got there…Well thanks to Keeis and Twon….IT TURNED INTO AN ALL OUT FREAK FEST! I hadn't seen that much ass and titties in so long…My head spun! There was strippin… suckin… and some fuckin! I didn't know how I got in the middle of it all! Some of the shit I saw even made me blush! Just as I expected Chris was runnin around sweaty… shirtless…loud and GOOOOONE! All I could do was laugh…Cause he definitely didn't know how to handle his liq yet! But it was his 21st so TURN UP!! He was actin like the referee… cheerin on the fest…Hookin up the strippers and well groupie hoes with the homies! I swear I was laughin so hard watchin him my sides hurt! THIS AINT A GAME SHOW!
Like an hour into it I saw Draya and him goin at it on the patio…It worried me a little cause well he was drunk. From what I saw she was upset cause one of the groupies was all over him and he was lettin her. Now normally Draya would be right there cheerin that type of shit on…but this time she was OVER IT! I walked over to where Tey and Moe were sittin and laughin at the fest.
"So what's up with them two." I asked
"Who Chris and Draya?" Tey said.
"Yea…She been actin funny all night and now they out there arguin." I said takin another sip of my drink.
"Girl what's new…They been at it for weeks now…I think he bout to finally drop her ass." Tey said smack on Skittles.
"He should have been done that shit…Don't know why he been puttin up with her this long." Moe said rollin her eyes.
"That's cause Sweets didn't want to take him back." Tey said droppin her Skittles.
"He coulda left her along time ago…He stayed cause he wanted too…Not because of me." I said shakin my head.
"Girl please…You know he don't like bein alone…I'm tellin you he didn't wanna look stupid cause you didn't want to be his girl….He told me." Tey said smackin hard.
"Yup…Told me too…But I told him that was some stupid shit…Cause that was just gonna make you walk away." Moe said sippin on her drink.
"But that's just it…I didn't walk away…He told me he was done." I fired.
"What?" They both said confused.
"Yea!" I said tryin to understand their shock.
"Oooo…He told me you stopped fuckin with him!"
"He told me that shit too…This nigga!" Moe said shakin her head.
I was confused…Why he lie? He knew good and well he told me he was done…Yes I was tired of him bein with Draya…But that's not how it went down! I instantly had flames in my stomach. WAS HE TRYIN TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY SO HE WOULD HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR STILL BEIN WITH HER!
"No…He told me he was done cause I was confused…And we haven't spoken to each other really in two months!" I clarified.
"How he gonna call you confused when he was with both ya'll…He coulda ended that shit." Moe fired. "Cause the bitch aint nothin but a golddiggin hoe…He been lookin stupid for months…Nothin but a headache."
"Mmm hmm." Tey said. "He been walkin round here frontin and He been kickin himself in the ass and I was wonderin why…He knew he fucked up!"
Wait ya'll.
"Wait …Now I take my blame in it…Cause I didn't want us to be back together at the time…But I was hopin he would leave her if he wasn't happy…And that's where I went wrong." I confessed.
"Well it looks like ya'll just might have that chance." Tey said pointin over to Draya stormin in the house bright red.
Chris soon followed right after her. It seemed like the whole party screeched to a halt!
"Leave them keys too." He fired at her.
She turned to him snatched his house keys off her key chain.
"Here!" She said as she threw them at him.
"Thaaanks!…Have a nice fuckin life!" He said in full asshole mode.
"And I will…This the best fuckin day ever…Hey everybody I'm finally free!" She said clappin.
"Yea so any nigga in here that aint fucked her…Have at it…It's on me!" He said laughin.
"Ya'll take that shit somewhere else…We fuckin bitches!" Mijo said laughin with O and Keeis.
"She was just leavin…AYE LADIES I'M SINGLE AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" He announced and grinned deviously.
Draya looked at the thirsty group of girls that were now all smiles.
"Good luck with this one ladies…Hope you like to share." Draya said grabbin her purse and walkin out.
"DON'T HATE!" He yelled out and walked to the group of groupies.
I shook my head and got up. This was too much…He was drunk and all will be back to normal tomorrow…So this show he was puttin on was makin me OVER IT! I pushed my way past the crowd and left out. I got all the way home and my phone started blowin up. I looked at it. B. I wasn't gonna do this with him…I was not gonna be his rebound….His birthday sex…His back up…His safety net. We spent OUR birthday together…Now he had to deal with his OWN issues….
Without me
Happy Birthday to the new me…
"Let's chase our love…Let's chase our love…Tonight…Tonight…"
By the time the last five show came I was feelin worn out. I had been wakin up with migraines and Chris and Momma were worried it was somethin serious so the forced me to go to a doctor while we were in Boston.. Everythin came out to be fine but the doctor said that I was sufferin from exhaustion and dehydration…with the fear it could affect my blood pressure he said I needed to rest. I guess all the travelin and late nights were takin its toll on me…so reluctantly I decided to go home to Atlanta to rest up before the Jersey show… But three days off were exactly what I needed. Chris was comin down in a few days because of his release party so I was gonna enjoy this little break. We had got intense over the weeks and well I felt myself not wantin to return to REAL LIFE once the tour ended! I mean it was just like old times…Havin a glimpse of that back was makin me want to get Little Miss Draya out of the picture all together! I knew he just wanted me to say the word but truthfully I wanted him to end it on his own…I mean I felt like we were in the Robyn situation all over again. I really couldn't see what Draya was addin to his life except threesomes…so other than his bond with Niko…WHAT THE FUCK WAS IT?
I didn't want to stress on it cause well I had excepted that right now he just wasn't ready to be faithful…I mean if he was he wouldn't be willin to sleep with me every night…Right? Yes I know it's because he loved me but also if he loved me he would end it with Draya and be truly single! I mean I wanted him to enjoy the single life for once and then we gradually work our way back to a relationship cause at this moment I was gonna enjoy mine…No pressure. I was tired of tryin to make relationships work when it just seemed like it was inevitable that someone would cheat! I know that was cynical way of lookin at love..but FUCK LOVE when the other person didn't take your feelins in to account every moment and remain just as faithful as you were bein! Me and Chris's connection was so deep that if he was truly ready I would change my mind but as of right now he was still torn and I just didn't have the time to invest in the confusion!
I had been home for a whole day and of course Mommi and a lot of my cousins from my Dad's side were NOT lettin me get any type of rest…I swear someone was comin by or callin every 10 minutes! I finally broke down and went shoppin with Mommi..I loved spoilin her…even though she had her own means…She deserved much more! I had just paid off her house and boutique… even though she was fought me all the way. I even told her I was in the works to open her one in NY and LA….I wanted my Mommi to see her dream of her store on Rodeo Drive and that's just what I was gonna do! After we went to lunch she ditched me to catch up with her new football player boyfriend…I was in shock when she told me he was the same age as ME! WHAT THE HELL! First I had to make sure I didn't know him and then I had to stop myself from throwin up! HA! But Mommi looked half her age and well the youngins loved her! I swear if I didn't have the history I had with Chris she woulda tried to snatch him up as soon as he turned 18! HAHA! It's the truth Ms. Teresa and her fell out for a while cause she was tryin to get SHAD! Once I was got to the house I got a private call. I ignored the first 3 but thought maybe it was Chris playin a joke so I finally answered.
"Your not funny" I said droppin my purse on the couch.
"Did I make a joke?" I heard the familiar whiny voice say.
I froze.
"Wh…Who the fuck is this?" I said as my mind started racin to remember it.
"I'm the one who is gonna finish you off for good…You stole my man and then sent him to prison you bitch and I'm not gonna stop til you suffer like he is!" She barked eerily
"Lycia.." I said tryin to catch my breath.
"Yes…I'm not done with you…your gonna pay…And don't think cause your in Atlanta your safe…" She then said calmly.
My heart dropped…HOW THE FUCK DID THIS CRAZY BITCH KNOW I WAS IN ATLANTA??? I dropped my keys and started lookin around…DID SHE KNOW WHERE I LIVED?
"LOOK YOU CRAZY BITCH…YOU COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME AGAIN AND YOUR GONNA JOIN HIM IN PRISON!" I yelled in to the phone.
"I'm not worried…It will be worth it to see you suffer like WE are." She said with a erry calm tone.
"Call me again and the police will find you!" I said hangin up. OH SHIT!
I was scared shitless….HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET MY NUMBER???….I instantly thought back to LaRon callin me…I was still tryin to figure out how he got it! Their had to be somebody feedin this CRAZY BITCH information about me but WHO COULD IT BE??? The only people that knew I was in Atlanta was my close friends, Chris and the CBE crew…and I knew there was know way they had any contact with THAT BITCH! So how? I nervously picked my keys of the floor and couldn't stop shakin…I was scared as hell cause I was in this huge house by myself and didn't know if this bitch knew where I LIVED! I finally got my hands to stop shakin as I scrolled through my phone and dialed Mommi's number but she didn't answer… I called Randa but she didn't answer either. So I then dialed a few of my cousins and NOW NO ONE WAS ANSWERIN! GREAT! So finally I was about to call Chris hopin just hearin his voice would calm me but I had an incoming call from a number I didn't recognize. WAS THIS CRAZY BITCH BOLD ENOUGH TO CALL BACK STRAIGHT THROUGH? I wasn't gonna answer at first but I needed to know if it was her so I could give the number to the cops! So I answered it.
"LOOK IM REPORTIN YOUR CRAZY ASS TO THE POLICE!" I yelled.
"Hello?" I heard a familiar male voice say.
"Hel-Hello?" I said bein thrown off by HIS voice.
"Honey? Are..Are you ok?" He said soundin concerned.
Oh my God…
"Yea..Yea…How the hell did you get my number Trey?" I asked closing my eyes and sighin.
"I got it from Miranda…What's goin on?" He said switchin the subject back.
I couldn't believe her…WHY IN THE HELL WOULD SHE DO THAT! She knew I wasn't tryin to talk to Trey EVER if I could…I was instantly pissed and made a mental note to cuss her out as soon as I got off the phone!
"Just some drama…What do you want Trey?" I said rubbin my temples.
"Well I was in town and I wanted to see if it was cool to meet up…got a song I wanted to see if you would write on." He said actually soundin sincere.
As much as I didn't want to hang out with him…I was not about to turn down a song writin credit…Them royalty checks are NIIIIICE! Plus with this CRAZY BITCH scarin me half to death I really didn't want to be alone in this big ole house!
"Ok…where do I need to meet you?" I asked
"Well I was hopin your place so we could use the studio…I mean if that's ok." He said nicely.
"Ok..thats fine." I said
"Aight I will be there in 20." He said soundin cheery.
"Ok." I said hangin up.
I walked upstairs to my room and decided to change. I through on some sweats and this vintage jersey Chris had bought me. I wrapped my hair up and layed on the bed waitin. I was still nervous from HER call but I felt a little calmer knowin I wasn't goin to be alone. I closed my eyes but was startled when my phone rang out to CRAWL. CHRIS.
"Heeeey Sexy!" He said bubbly into the phone.
"Hey You." I said smilin.
"What you doin?" He asked soundin like he was movin around.
"Layin here." I said
"Hmmm…What you doin while your layin there?" He said in a sexy tone.
"Mmm…Nothin!" I said laughin.
"Pssh…You can't play along…You coulda at least lied!" He said laughin.
"Sorry you're on phone sex punishment." I said sittin up.
"What? Why?" He said genuinely saddened.
"Cause I said so!" I said laughin.
"See…You just mean fo no damn reason." He said laughin.
"Whatever…What you up to silly?" I said
"Nothin bout to head to the airport in few…Then I'm on my way to you." He said then yellin at Mijo in the background.
"Good… cause I'm shook right now." I said
"Shook about what?" He said soundin concerned.
"That crazy bitch Lycia called me!" I said getting pissed.
"What! How in the hell did she get your number?" He asked now soundin pissed too.
"I have no fuckin idea…but that's not the worse part." I said not sure if I should tell him over the phone.
"What?" He said sternly.
"She…She was the one who ran me off the road!" I said bracin myself for his reaction.
"WHAT THE FUCK! HOW YOU KNOW?" He yelled soundin even angrier.
"She told me…she said she was gonna finish me off and that just cause I was in Atlanta didn't mean I was safe!" I said getting chills again. CRAZY BITCH!
"WHAT THE HELL!" He said then sayin something to Mijo.
"Yes…I really don't know what to do I don't have her number cause she called private so I don't have anything to give the police." I said
"Man fuck this shit!…That crazy bitch tried to kill you…That's some sick shit…I'm callin Mark and seein what we can do cause if she know you there…she could be anywhere!" He said soundin frustrated.
"Yea I know…" I said nervously.
"Look you go to a hotel and I will be there in the mornin…don't even wait just do it Sweets." He demanded.
I was so sick of this…I'm tired of havin to hide out cause of psychos! What Chris didn't know was I had a gun here. I wasn't afraid to use it. After the LaRon attacked me I made sure I had somethin to protect myself. Never again was I gonna be sittin around vulnerable. SO NO IM STAYIN RIGHT HERE!
"I will." I lied.
"I'm serious Sweets don't even play with this shit…I will call Mark and then call you back." He said
"Ok." I said
"Alright…I love you." He said sighin.
"I love you too." I said hangin up.
Once we got off the phone I went to the closet and pulled my lock box down. I did the combination and pulled out my .45. I checked the safety and made sure that it was loaded. I wasn't gonna be a victim in my own home again…NOT EVER! I put the gun under my pillow and then heard the doorbell. I debated on whether I should take it with me but decided not to cause it just be Trey.
"I'm comin!" I yelled out as I got to the door.
"Hey pretty lady." Trey said all smiles.
"Hey." I said lettin him in.
"So uh.. How you been?" He asked sittin on the couch.
"Good." I said sittin down.
"That's cool…" He said lookin around.
We sat there in a awkward silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke.
"Look Honey I know things between us haven't been cool in a long ass time…But I really would like us to atleast be friends again…I mean there is no need to act like enemies." He said genuinely.
"Trey that's easy for you to say…I don't trust you…You used me for own personal agenda…You never wanted to marry me…I was just some strategy to get a buzz goin for your damn album!" I fired at him.
"It wasn't even like that at first…I mean I am in love with you…I just was so determined to make it I got lost…I never meant to hurt you like that…" He said sincerely.
"Yea story of my life…nobody means to but they always do….You know this is a bad idea…" I said standin up in frustration.
"I heard bout what happened to you." He said with his head down.
"What?" I said curiously.
"Yea that chick Breezy with…What's her name… Draya…Yea I ran into her last week and she told me everythin." He said clenchin his jaw.
"Wait why in the hell is she tellin you my fuckin business?" I said now getting pissed.
"Iont know but she seemed all to happy to tell me…Aint gonna lie that girl is grimey…don't understand why he fuckin with her." He said shakin his head.
"Pssh…Who you tellin!" I said rollin my eyes and sittin back down.
"Yea she was happy as fuck to fill me in on everythin you had been up to since we broke up…Most of it I didn't care about and already knew but I will say some of it shocked the shit out of me!" He said lookin at me curiously.
I made another mental note to PUNCH that bitch in the MOUTH next time I saw her!
"Like what?" I said now wantin to know.
"Well for starters I didn't know you was into bitches and threesomes." He said raisin his eyebrow.
"So…There was a lot you didn't know about me…That's what growin together does…You would have known in due time!" I said unapologetic.
"Oh so since you knew Breezy longer you let him turn you out!" He said in a jealous tone.
"Turn me out? You got me fucked up…I'm done with this conversation!" I said standin up again.
"Ok…Ok…That was wrong to say…" he said sighin.
"You damn right…Chris never made me do shit!" I said pacin.
"Just calm down I didn't mean to push your buttons….Ok." he said sincerely again.
"I'm sorry that happened to you tho." He said quietly.
I stopped pacin and looked at him. I was ashamed and I didn't want to talk about it…especially not with him!
"I couldn't believe it…I wouldn't have never let that shit happen.." He said shakin his head again.
"Well it did and you weren't around." I said coldly.
"I'm sorry Honey…I'm sorry for everythin…Everythin I ever did to you…for everythin that happened to you…You didn't deserve any of it." He said lookin up at me with sadden eyes.
I felt a tug. After all this time…The one thing he had NEVER done was say he was sorry…The one thing I always wanted from him. And here he was genuinely apologizing.
"Why…why now?" I asked softly.
"Cause you grow up…I just started lookin back on a lot of things and I realized I fucked over the best thing I ever had and that's when it hit me….I never told you I was sorry." He said sittin up.
"Well thank you…" I said with my mind now racin.
"I just miss my friend and if that's all you willin to ever give me back one day…Then I will take it." He said lookin at me pleadingly
I sighed deeply. We were always good as friends…it was definitely a line we shouldn't have crossed. Even though I still wasn't sure of his intentions…I decided that I would forgive him.
"I accept your apology and I forgive you but us bein friends will take time." I said sternly.
"I understand and that's fine with me." He said with a nervous smile.
"Ok let's get to work." I said walkin towards the studio.
Tryin to get through life not carryin grudges was hard as hell for me…But I figured if I could forgive Chris then why not Trey. I had no intentions of things ever crossin the line again so it actually felt good to take my power back. The feelin of one less thing from my past had a hold on me let me know I was healin….I was gettin stronger! No more worryin…No more bein vulnerable…No more fear…
Time to live…
"When I don't have the words…You say the thing I need to hear…You turn my heart away from fear…All I can do…depends on if you are near…"
(Chris POV)
Two days had past and things were touch and go…I swear it seemed as though Sweets couldn't get a break. Even I felt at this point she had to be the unluckiest person I knew. Deep down I just wanted to see her smilin on a beach somewhere…Worry free…Not hurtin…Not bein hurt…No fear…Not wantin for nothin…Just happy. I want so bad to give that to her. I wanted to make her the happiest woman on earth. But life just kept throwin up road blocks. The doctor said that her injuries were not life threatenin but the impact of her SUV hittin the light pole had made her hit the steerin wheel before the airbag deployed. That combined with her anxiety of the chase caused her blood pressure rise and she blacked out. He also said she had some wounds that were consistent with a struggle and that part was trippin me out cause from what Mijo told me nobody was around once him and his homies found her. Mijo also found out that BITCH ASS NIGGA had bailed out of jail a few weeks ago…But he had went to court yesturday for his sentencin. Even though I wasn't no kind of angel cause my situation…5 years for rape wasn't long enough! I just couldn't shake the feelin that he had had contact with her or had somethin to do with this…But I wasn't gonna get any answers til Sweets came to.
I had had it out with Draya cause she was tired of me bein there for Sweets. But I truly didn't care about her feelins. I felt bad enough treatin Sweets like I did when we were at the studio but for one I didn't want to hear Draya's mouth and for two my feelins were still hurt. I wouldn't even be puttin up with her if Sweets woulda just said yes. None of this shit would've happened and she would be ok right now. But I couldn't dwell on it…all I wanted was her to be ok and we leave for this tour…Together! Draya was upset about that cause she had went ahead and enrolled in school so now she wouldn't be able to tour with me. And she didn't like the fact that Sweets would be with me. Truthfully I was glad she was finally doin somethin positive…but also knew it was only cause she was tryin to keep me and that was a turn off. She also had been initiatin threesomes…Now I wasn't complainin but honestly they weren't as special as the ones with Sweets. I found myself doin'em cause well she was bringin the girls home and what I look like not hittin if she was cool with it! But it was all shallow…I wasn't happy…honestly it was just helpin me past the time…I know that sounds bad but my heart was still torn but the one that had the biggest part didn't want me and the other one hated me…So what I look like sit around lonely! Even with all the women…My heart had me sittin…Sittin in this hospital room…Waitin…Prayin she open her eyes and be ok. Where I wanted to be….and Draya was gonna have to deal.
"Anythin new bro?" Mijo asked as we stood in the hallway.
"Nah…They still got her sedated." I said sipin on my Sprite.
"Man if I found out that muthafucka had anythin to do wit this shit…he aint gonna make it to 5 years that's on me." He said with flames in his eyes.
"At this point it coulda been anybody." I said lookin at the people passin by.
"Yea well it had to be somebody that knew who she was cause she was followed and she was fightin 'em." He said shiftin.
"Yea I know that's what's trippin me out…like who?" I said shakin my head. "All I know is I ain't leavin her alone no more…whether she like it or not….I knew she shouldn't have moved out in the first place!"
"Man you know you can't stop her hardheaded ass…that's like fightin with yourself! Ya'll are the two most stubborn muthafuckas I know and I'mma damn scorpio!" He said laughin slightly.
It made me smile cause we were so much alike…and even though we clashed we just wanted things to be good so we would always compromise and be right back cool again. That's what I loved…we just couldn't stay mad at each other. With the life I lived…you couldn't beat someone that just understood. That's why I couldn't let go.
"She something aint she…" I said smilin.
"Ya'll need to quit bullshittin and gone and make that shit official…You already said she was ya wife!" He said bluntly.
"You saw her reject a nigga…I just give up man…tryin to prove your love to somebody that refuses to accept it is for the birds…I ain't tryin no more…" I said matter of factly.
"Nigga then why you here?" He said bluntly again.
I didn't have a comeback….He was right…if I wasn't tryin …WHY AM I HERE? I knew the answer…but I was tired of gettin shut out too.
"Cause that's my bestfriend…that's why." I said tryin to save face.
"You can lie to yoself ….but don't try and lie to me." He said walkin off.
I went back inside and sat down next to her. I was so tired of seein her in hospital beds…I had to distract myself so I pulled out my notepad and started drawin. I was in my zone when her room door opened and in came Momma and Mommi. They were giggling as usual and Momma was bright red. I figured Mommi was tellin her one of her dirty jokes again.
"Look at our Babeh takin care of mi Babigirl." Mommi said in her accent.
"Any change?" Momma said walkin over to me and rubbin my back.
"Nah…just waitin on the doctor to come back with her blood work and I think they gonna wake her up." I said sighin and lookin over at her.
"I really do tank you Chris for always help her through tings…I love you so much for it." Mommi said gettin emotional.
Aw man.
"I do what I can Mommi…don't cry." I said getting up and givin her a hug.
"You guys are just so good fo each otha…I just don know why ya'll can't get it right." She said wiping her eyes. Fuck.
"It will just take time and God…I have faith." Momma said wipin her eyes too.
Aw man I can't take the tears.
"Ya'll gotta cut that out…I can't be cryin…I'm grown now!" I said tryin to lighten their mood and change the subject.
They both laughed.
"Yo not too grown to cry…it's ok….love makes you cry…and that's alright." Mommi said squeezing me tighter. "That's when yo know it's real."
I was about to make another joke when the doctor came in. But before he could speak Sweets began to moan. SHE WAS WAKIN UP! I walked over to her and held her hand as she started to move around.
"Looks like I came just in time." The doctor said walkin over to the other side of her bed.
She kept moanin and then opened her eyes. YES! I squeezed her hand lightly just to calm her and she looked over at me. I waited as a small smile crept up on her face.
I'm here.
The doctor began to ask her questions to make sure she was coherent and I felt my phone buzz. I looked at it: DEANNA. I quickly pushed it to voicemail and put it back. I just wasn't in that mode right now.
"Well it looks like your CT SCANS and MRI was fine…You just have a slight concussion. All of your internal organs are fine…we have you blood pressure stabilized so your good to go. You will have soreness and possible headaches but we will be prescribin you medication that won't interfere with your condition." He smiled and patted her hand.
"So she'll be fine." Mommi asked again.
"Yes…So you will be able to go home in the mornin." He turned to Sweets and said.
She nodded her head slightly.
"How are you feelin right now?" He asked.
"My head hurts and I ache…" She said in a raspy voice.
At this point even her raspy voice was beautiful to hear. I was so happy that she was fine I want to kiss her all over! But I couldn't…
"Well your blood work looked normal and congrats to you two." He said closing her chart.
"For what?" Me, Sweets, Momma and Mommi all said confused.
"Oh you didn't know…Your pregnant Ms.Guerra." He said confused.
"Wha.." I heard Sweets barely say as Momma and Mommi both gasped!
"Yes…It says right here…your about a month along." He said lookin at her still confused.
"No…" I heard myself say.
I couldn't believe it…I felt a searin pain rip through my fuckin body…My head started to spin and I felt like throwin up.
"He…" I stopped and jumped up.
"OH MY GOD NO!" I heard Sweets yell and burst out in tears.
I saw Momma come towards me as I backed up to the wall. I saw Mommi go to Sweets side and hold her as the doctor stood there confused about the whole situation.
"How did dis happenin she is on birt control!" Mommi yelled at the doctor.
"Um…um." He stuttered as he looked through her chart.
I could see his eyes get wide and his mouth almost drop open. I was guessin he saw that she was raped around that time and he had oh so casually dropped A FUCKIN ATOMIC BOMB ON ALL OF US!
"It says here they took you off of birth control because of it interferin with your BP medications…but advise you to use other forms of contraception until your new birth control took affect… but I also see that you were sexually assaulted and you turned down the Plan B medication suggested to you Ms. Guerra." He looked at her in terror. "We suggest that because of situations like this." He explained further.
"You turned it down?" I blurted out in pain.
I saw her look over at me like her world was crashin down around her. I hadn't once seen her drop a tear since all of this happened but they were there now….SHE IS FUCKIN CARRYIN THAT MUTHAFUCKAS BABY!!!!!
I couldn't breathe I turned around and punched the wall.
"CHRIS!" Momma yelled and grabbed a hold of me.
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TURN IT DOWN!" I yelled out in hurt and frustration.
Why would she do that?
"I DON'T KNOW!…I WASN'T THINKIN STRAIGHT!" I heard her cry out.
"This…I can't…" I said feelin broken.
I pulled away from Momma grabbed my bag and stormed out the room. SHE CARRYIN THIS NIGGAS BABY! After he violated her he left his seed in her??? FUCK MY LIFE!!!!! FUCK EVERYTHIN…FUCK EVERYBODY AND FUCK LOVE!!!! I HAVE HAD IT!!!
I ran…ran down the hallway tryin to hold back the tears of anger. I turned the corner and bumped into Mijo and Pat!
"Nigga where you goin?" Mijo said confused.
"She…She…She havin his baby man…fuck this shit." I said about to break.
I wanted to throw up lettin it come out my mouth. My whole body felt like I had been turned inside out and drug across gravel.
"What the fuck!" Mijo and Pat both said.
"I can't…I gotta…I gotta go…" I said runnin to the elevator pushin the button like crazy.
"Aye Breezy…Man I'm comin with you." Pat said walkin over and holdin me up.
"She can't…man…this…this isn't how it's supposed to be." I said feelin the tears drop.
"Just hold it together man…Come on." Pat said as he let me step on to the elevator.
When we got down stairs I put on my shades and walked out…I couldn't believe that the MUTHAFUCKIN PAPS WERE HERE! HOW DID THEY EVEN KNOW???? I wanted to smash every fuckin camera I saw…and if I didn't have this BULLSHIT hangin over my head I would have done it happily! FUCK OFF!!! I jumped in the back of the SUV as they called out to me and Pat sped off. I threw off my shades and began to cry and punch the back of the seat! THE FUCKIN LOVE OF MY LIFE IS PREGNANT BY A NIGGA THAT RAPED HER!!!
"WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" I yelled as I sat back and cried harder.
Just then I felt my phone buzz. I wiped my eyes and looked at it. DRAYA.
I couldn't deal with her right now…The way I felt and her mouth would make me have a SERIOUS flashback and I couldn't afford it! I let it go to voice mail. WHAT THE FUCK IS GONNA HAPPEN NOW? I closed my eyes and wondered the worst thought of all…WAS SHE GONNA KEEP IT? I would never be for havin an abortion and I would never encourage it so I couldn't even imagine what she was about to face…All I knew was in this situation…I wouldn't fault her for it…But I didn't how I would feel if she had it…
I knew one thing I had to get out of LA….I had to clear my mind…If I didn't I could see myself lashin out at the first muthafucka that said the wrong thing to me…. So I scrolled through my phone and dialed.
"Hello" She purred.
"Meet me at LAX in an hour." I commanded.
"Just be there." I said hangin up.
I had to escape this pain…I couldn't bare the thoughts that were shootin through my mind. I didn't wanna leave her…But the whole thing was suffucatin me. I had too much to deal with already…I just needed to go and forget…even if it was just for a little while…I had to numb this..I had to block it out.
Time to get wasted…
"You're the baddest thing I seen and Babygirl you make me proud…You make me wanna be your man…I'll do the best that I can…"
The next week was pretty rough for Sweets. I had her entire condo packed up and had Janina put it on the market. She had a second one that was actually closer to my spot so we moved all her stuff there. She didn't feel comfortable bein alone so we made one of our guest rooms hers. I didn't care how long she stayed…all I knew is I felt a lot better havin her where I could at least watch out for her. I had a battle with Draya over it. She said she understood me bein there for Sweets but it just seemed like everytime somethin went on I would just come in like Sweets knight in shining armor…like I was still her man! I told her that she was either gonna have to deal with it or leave. I wasn't havin her say shit about Sweets. I was so annoyed by her whining and complainin. She was really mad cause I hadn't gave her any in almost a week and I wouldn't give her none when we got up this mornin! I just wasn't feelin it right now. Or just not feelin HER right now. It seemed like everythin she did got on my last fuckin nerves! I was so happy that it was Saturday and she had to catch a flight back to PA for two weeks… I know…but It was crazy it seemed we got along better when we were apart!
By the middle of October I was had got all the dates confirmed for the Fan Appreciation Tour…I had decided that it was gonna kick off in November and I pushed back the release date of Graffiti til December. I wanted to get as much buzz and momentum goin. Sweets had been so much help…between her, Momma, Tina, Auntie Chris, Aunt Kat and TC this would have never came together…I was so humbled by the chance to give TEAMBREEZY a good show! No I didn't have the big budgets like my other tours and this was definitely gonna be different but I knew I would give them my 150%! They were the reason I had second chance and I couldn't wait to thank them for it! I was still havin trouble gettin my singles played on the radio regularly. I ain't gonna lie it hurt me bad. But Momma said that I had to keep pushin and trust in God …and she was right…He didn't bring me this far to leave me out in the cold. Sweets suggested that I donate some of the sales to a charity so that we could combat the negative press out. I already was a part of Best Buddies and I was so happy when she suggested that….I was down! I also decided that I would donate some of the proceeds to a domestic violence cause…I had visted one of the shelters here in LA called the Jenesse Center. I had gone on a tour and fell in love with the kids and was moved that the women were so exceptin of me knowin what I had done. I just wanted to give back not cause I was ordered to but because I wanted to. I was one of those kids….My Momma was one of those women…I knew their stories and as a person who fell short I was determined to redeem myself as a Changed Man. Show that it was possible not to become your mistake or your history. I wanted the kids to know they didn't have to make the same mistake as me that they could be better than me and their environment!
By the time Draya got back to LA…I was back into studio mode. Me and Sweets had started writin songs just so she could get things off her mind. I wanted her to release all that shit so it wouldn't eat her up. She was back to havin nightmares and didn't want to sleep so we mostly stayed in the studio or go to Dance 1 to practice routines for the tour. But what I was lovin the most was… we would go out at night and find some random wall or bridge and paint. She wasn't as good with the spray paint but she was gettin better. It was helpin me too. Just to see somethin I was thinkin about up on a wall was so dope! Draya of course didn't see the purpose or even like the fact that I was spendin most of my time with Sweets. I really didn't care…Shit I was gonna do whatever I could to make sure Sweets got through this shit ok. She was still battlin and I was fightin hard to keep her from drinkin her hurt away. So the more I could keep her focused on the shit she loved the better! Draya was just gonna have to deal cause I wasn't gonna stop!
"So we gonna get to be alone tonight?" Draya said walkin up to me in the kitchen.
"Uh…yea yea…gotta go to the studio tho." I said movin away to the cabinet pullin the cheetos down.
"The studio…Come ooon I wanna get wild…shit is been 3 weeks!" She whinned and put her arms around my waist.
"Has it?" I played stupid.
I knew this was comin and well to tell you the truth…I did wanna hit that…but to be honest I wanted Sweets more! I knew I couldn't keep putting her off tho…shit she was my girl.
"Yes it has and I miss Daddy." She purred.
"Mmm…How much?" I flirted back and grabbed her ass.
She didn't say anything…just grabbed my hand and put it under her skirt. DAMN! It turned me on more than I was expectin! She leaned up and kissed my neck. I was gettin into it.
"Oh I'm sorry ya'll." I heard Sweets say.
When I looked over at her she had the most shocked and slightly hurt face I had ever seen.
"I was just gonna…" She stopped and quickly walked out.
I knew that had hurt her feelins. I shook my head and pulled Draya's arms off of me and started to go after her.
"Where you goin?" Draya said irritated.
"Gonna check on her." I shot back.
"Why?…You act like you gotta go explain yourself!" She fired back.
"Look I aint gonna do this with you." I warned as I went out the kitchen.
"Why don't you just go fuck her and get it over with already!" She yelled right behind me.
"Keep pushin it and I will!" I turned and gritted out.
"That's what you wanna do anyway!" She gettin in my face.
"Man watch out." I said backin up.
"Fuck goin on in here!" Mijo said comin out the den yawnin.
"Ch…She trippin as usual." I said rollin my eyes.
"Im trippin…you actin like I don't have a reason! I'm confused…am I your girl or is Sweets?…Cause the way it's lookin she all you care about!" She said with a shaky voice.
"Now just calm down…You knew that nigga was in love when yo ass tried to steal him from her in the first place." Mijo said bluntly as he sat on the couch.
"What?…I aint steal shit!" she fired at Mijo.
"Well you still knew that nigga was in love with her…quit actin brand new…don't you got a some other nigga to go annoy!" Mijo said laughin.
I laughed…I wasn't tryin to but all of it was true. Even the part about the nigga!
"Oh so it's funny to you…Ok you know what I do got somewhere I need to be!" she threatened. OH REALLY?
"Well I'll holla at cha later then." I said callin her bluff.
She smacked her lips and grabbed her purse and went for the door.
"See you later babe love ya!" I called out sarcastically and made a kissy sound.
"Kiss my ass!" She said walkin faster.
"No that's what you wanted me to do but I'm good!" I laughed with Mijo.
"Your such an asshole." She said lookin back at me before she closed the door.
"Thanks!" I said bein sarcastic again.
I shook my head and laughed. Mijo held out his hand and we touched tatts as I sat down.
"Nigga you burned her." He said laughin harder. "I actually feel kinda bad for her…nah I'm lyin!" He laughed.
"Man I just ain't fo those mind games she always tryin to play." I said shakin my head.
"Well yo ass keep dealin with her." He said turnin to ESPN.
"Man she is cool but she always tryin to make me kiss her ass and I aint doin it." I said sittin up.
"Well let her tell it that's ya specialty." He said laughin again.
"Fuck you talkin bout?" I questioned.
"Shit nigga you didn't know?" He said raisin his eyebrow.
"Didn't know what?" I said confused.
"The last time ya'll fucked around she was all on her twitter talkin to her homegirl and the home girl said to tell the ass licker she said hi!" He laughed.
"WHAT THE HELL!" I said jumpin up.
"Yea nigga I thought you knew bout that shit!" He said laughin some more.
"HELL NAH I DIDN'T!" I said gettin pissed.
"Yea nigga she always talkin bout ya'll fuckin…Shit she givin all the scoop!…She run her mouth to damn much for me!" Mijo said shakin his head and lookin back at the TV.
I was pissed…I mean I aint ashamed of nothin I do in the bedroom cause a nigga will admit I'm a freak…but DON'T GO ANNOUNCIN THAT SHIT TO THE WORLD! I deal with enough shit daily…I didn't need her addin to it! I think I was in shock cause I had never had nobody tell shit! I grabbed my phone and went outside on the patio and called her.
"What you want asshole." She fired immediately.
"Cut the shit…you been tellin our business on twitter?" I got to the point.
"Wha…What?" She stuttered.
"You heard me…You been tellin your friends I'mma ass licker!" I shot.
"What…no…She just was assumin..I aint tell her nothin." She lied horribly.
"You lyin…I told you I didn't want you tellin shit about our relationship…what happens between us is between us! I got enough people lookin for any little thing and You just makin shit worse!" I fired off.
"I swear I haven't told anythin…I don't say your name at all…Oh My God!" She acted confused.
"Look you in the public eye now…they gonna pick up on every little thing you say…I aint even mad about the ass shit…I'm just sayin …Don't talk about us period cause they gonna flip it on you."
"Chris I swear I haven't said anything specific about you."She pleaded.
I looked up and saw Sweets standin on the balcony paintin…so I knew she could hear everythin. Shit. This day was already goin to shit.
"Look I gotta call you back." I said hangin up frustrated. DAMN!
I quickly went inside. Tey had woke up and was on the couch talkin to Mijo.
"Morinin Bro." She said.
"Mornin." I said runnin up the stairs.
When I got to Sweets door I knocked lightly and held my breath. I didn't know if she was hurt…pissed or hell both. I didn't mean to hurt her feelins and I knew she heard what I said to Draya…So I was just hopin she would let me explain.
"Hey" She said openin the door and walkin away.
"Hey…um…what you doin?" I said tryin to feel her out.
"Just finishin this paintin…You ok?" she asked emotionless.
"Yea I'm cool…question is…Are you ok?" I said walkin over to her.
"Yea…" She lied.
I watched her as she walked over to the canvas and began paintin again. I knew she was bothered but she wasn't gonna talk about it.
"About earlier…um-"
"You aint gotta explain…that's your girl…" She said flatly as she kept brushin the canvas.
"I still wanna apologize." I said feelin guilty.
"Apologize for what?…You didn't do anythin." She said softly
I felt like I had cheated on her…I couldn't help it I just did…These last 3 weeks we had got so close It just made me feel like it was me and her minus the intimacy. Just holdin her everynight…gettin her threw her nightmares…took me back to the old times. Made me feel everythin I had tried to distract myself from by bein with Draya. I walked over to her hopin she would at least look at me.
"I mean we been so close I just didn't want you to feel weird…" I said tryin to get my words right.
"Chris I don't…You have just been bein a good friend…and that's all." She said puttin the brush down.
"Yea…A good friend…that's me." I sighed and put my hands in my pockets.
She finally looked at me and I could see she was readin me. I tried to change the subject.
"So you goin to the studio with me?" I said putting on a slight smile to hide my disappointment.
She didn't answer she just walked over to me. I stared at her confused. It was crazy cause it all happened in slow motion. She reached up and touched my face with her hand. I swear it sent shock waves down my back. She just stood there and looked at me for a few second before leanin up. I was still in shock but I moved instinctively. She kissed me softly and It made my toes curl! DAMN! I didn't realize how much I missed her lips til that moment. Somethin inside of me said it wasn't right tho…it wasn't the right time…that she wasn't ready. So I pulled back and sighed.
"What's…What's wrong?" She asked soft and nervously.
"Sweets you sure you wanna do that?" I asked her warmly.
I saw her face immediately look embarrassed and ashamed. Damn. I wasn't tryin to make her feel like that. I just wanted her to make sure she wanted to cross that line.
"Your right…I'm trippin…I'm…I'm sorry…" She said backin up and sittin on the bed.
"No…No…I mean I wanted you to kiss me I just didn't want you to rush nothin." I said sittin next to her.
"I know…I know….I just…Fuck I don't know how I feel right now." She said shakin her head. "I shouldn't have done that…it was wrong…"
"Sweets you aint gotta worry bout that…it's cool." I said holdin her hand.
"Im just so…I can't lie it hurt." She blurted out closin her eyes.
"What hurt?" I said hopin she wasn't gonna say what I thought.
"Seein ya'll like that…I just…wasn't ready for it…" She said sighin.
I didn't realize that was the first time she had seen us actually touchin each other. I guess I had tried to keep her from seein it cause I knew it would do exactly what it was doin to her. I knew Draya had figured it out too but I wasn't tryin to hurt Sweets no more than I had already.
"So that's why you kissed me." I questioned.
"Yes and No…" She said lookin at our hands.
"Sweets I want you…I do…but you have been through hell and I aint tryin to hurt you." I said knowin what was on her mind. "I just want you to be sure your ready."
"It's not fair…none of this shit…it's not fair." She said standin up.
"Chicks like Draya never get fucked over…they get flew around the world and get whatever they want…End up with the good guys while they fuck the town…And what do I get…Huh?…I get cheated on…I get lied too…I get left for the next new thing…I get used and thrown away like some piece of trash!…I get takin advantage of…I get violated like I'm nothin!" She said gettin emotional.
"I work hard…I'm loyal…I'm chill…I got my own shit…Fuck I can hold any man down that I meet…I can cook…I can clean…and I damn for sure know how to fuck…I'm not ugly so WHY DO I ALWAYS LOSE TO THE TRIFLIN BITCHES!" She yelled out.
I didn't know what to do! I just sat there…I wasn't sure if I should even speak. My heart was so heavy from guilt that I couldn't speak. FUCK!
That hurt.
"I know?…It's my fault…I just keep believin this fairytale…This bullshit ass dream that I'm actually gonna be happy one day! I just gotta face it…It's not real!" She said goin over to her paintin pickin it up and smashin it on her knee.
"Sweets what are you doin." I said jumpin up and grabbin it.
She had been workin on that paintin for a week…It was beautiful and she just smashed it!
"That's how I feel…Just some beautiful picture that has a big ass whole in it that nobody wants." She said brushin her hair back and pacin.
"Sweets you gotta calm down." I said puttin the paintin down and walkin up to her grabbin her face. "I want you!"
I stopped her by kissin her deep. I wanted to show her she was still beautiful to me…that I didn't care about anybody else she was always my first choice…that I didn't just want to be her friend no more…that I was still in love with her. Touchin her lips made crave her. But I was scared…I didn't want to hurt her. But my body wanted her so bad that my head started spinnin. Our hands were all over each other…I could feel she needed this…to feel wanted. We fell back on to the bed and I was ready. I slid my hands under her shirt as our tongues continued to fight.
"Hey Sweets can I borr-…Whoa!" We heard Tey say as we jumped and I fell on the floor. Ouch!
"Uh…Sorry I didn't know you was in here bro." She said smilin slyly. "But um I'm gonna go… ya'll carry on."
"Uh Nah…I'm…I'm gonna go." I said gettin up tryin to nonchalantly adjust Monsta. SHIT!
"No…No….Ya'll need this…hell I need this!…Don't worry if that bitch come back far as she know you at the studio!" Tey said backin up out the door.
"Tey!" I called as she closed the door.
I slowly looked over at Sweets who was actually gigglin. WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
"What?" I asked.
"You looked like you got busted by Mama!" She said laughin slightly and sittin down.
"Hey…You jumped up too!" I said smilin.
"But your face was classic…haven't seen that in a long time…" She said laughin lightly
"Sweets I know I haven't been perfect to you…but all this just friend shit obviously isn't workin." I said sittin on the bed
"I know.." She said sighin.
"So what do you want to do about it…I mean you the one that put us in the friendzone." I said.
"Chris I honestly don't know what I want…I'm just feelin so many things…I want us back…then again I feel like we still got growin to do separately….then with this happenin to me… I'm so angry…I don't know if I can trust anyone again and that's not fair to you." She said with a shaky voice. "It could get ugly."
"I understand." I said simply feelin frustrated.
I knew things were gonna change…but I don't know what else to do…Everytime I walk out on that ledge to show her I want her…she runs away…I'm just gonna fall back…again.
"Do you?" She asked lookin at me.
"Yea…you know what I'm gonna go get dressed and um…if you want to come to the studio with me just be ready in like 20." I said changin the subject hidin my once again brokenheart.
"Oh…ok…" She said lookin confused.
"Aight ." I said gettin up and walkin out.
I was so frustrated with this circle we kept dancin around in! Either you want it or you don't…but stop torturin me and yourself! I screamed at her in my head. I knew she wasn't ready and that's why I held back…but she couldn't keep faultin me for dealin with Draya when she couldn't make up her mind!
Once we got to the Studio…Bow and O was already there workin on a song with Pleasure. I was kinda thrown off when me, Mijo, Tey, Moe, Pat and Sweets walked in and Draya was already there doin a little dance with some girl as everybody watched.
I was so over this shit. It seemed like she was doin any and everythin to get a reaction out of me and I just wasn't havin it! What she didn't seem to get was that the more she pushed the more I was gonna pull away…So tryin to make me jealous and playin mind games was gonna get her cut off. I could tell her ass was drunk and she was even more whiny and obnoxious so I immediately had my guard up.
"What up you ugly bastard." I said to Bow and dapin him
"What up you high yellow punk." Bow fired back laughin and shakin his head in Draya's direction.
"What Up Shad." Tey and Moe said givin him a hug.
"What Up Tey..What up Moe."
"What up you fat ass nigga!" Bow said dappin Mijo.
"Nigga fuck you I still get bitches." Mijo said bluntly.
"Nigga always talkin bout gettin some bitches…well there go some over there." Bow said pointin to the group of girls Draya was dancin with.
"Don't mind if I do!" Mijo said walkin over to the girls.
O finally moved away from Draya's direction cause she was now tryin to grind up on him.
"Aye…Aye…Back up!" I heard O said holdin his hand out to stop her.
"What? We just dancinn…Shit not liike we fuckin…yoou not evenn my typpe O." She blurted out and stumbled.
"Aye Man…Get yo girl she sloppy right now." O said walkin up to me and dappin me. "She been on one for hours."
"Damn it's too early to be that fucked up!" Bow said shakin his head. "Sis! Aw come here." I heard Bow say givin Sweets a hug.
"Hey Shad…Hey O." She said barely crackin a smile as she watched Draya.
"Hey Sis…How you been?" O said givin her a hug.
"I'm been good." She said still locked on Draya.
"Do somethin bout ha." Moe said twistin up her face.
I sighed cause it seemed that everybody was annoyed by her. So I finally walked over.
"What the hell you doin drunk in the middle of the afternoon?" I asked tryin not to show my irritation.
"Cause I felt like it…Why does it matter?" She said continuin to dance.
"You know what fuck it embarrass yoself…I got work to do." I said walkin away.
I could see all eyes on me as I went to the program table. I pulled out my laptop and plugged it up…I was determined to block her out…I had other shit on my mind then worryin bout her tryin to piss me off.
"Hey ya'll what ya'll standin over there for come have a drink with me." Draya said loudly to Tey, Moe and Sweets.
I saw Moe roll her eyes as went to sit by Mijo… Sweets walked over to the program table with Tey right behind her. Don't know whay she think they like her. I looked over at Draya who just waved them off and sat down.
"Bro for real?…She is too turn up…I just can't." Tey said smack on some skittles as usual.
"I know but she makin a fool of herself not me." I said nonchalantly. "Aye where ya'll at on the song." I said to Bow.
"Me and P already did our verses and doubles we just need yours and you to do that chorus." He said lettin one of the girls sit on his lap.
"Aight." I said
I already knew the verse I was gonna put down and after what happened with me and Sweets this mornin the words were so perfect…Maybe she would get a hint! I went in the booth and laid the verse down in two takes then wrapped on the chorus after 3 times. When I came out the booth I saw the irritated face that Draya had so I knew she must have heard the playback. I looked at Sweets and she smiled slightly at me and looked back down at her laptop. SHE GOT IT.
I hit playback on the chorus:
"Baby I'm on you like a tattoo
Teacher off in classroom
He is not me
We are not the same
And if I can't see your face then
I might just get wasted
And I don't even drink alcohol"
"But Babygirl I
I can't let you go
Never let you go
Never lettin go
Never lettin go."
When I stopped it and let it play all the way through. Draya jumped up and walked up to me.
"We need to talk." She said shootin a glare at Sweets.
"Fuck we gotta talk bout…I told you I'm workin gon wit that shit Dray." I said lookin back at my laptop.
I looked at her like she lost her damn mind cause she slammed my laptop closed.
"WHAT THE HELL!" I said feelin flames cause she was showin out.
"I said we need to talk!" She demanded.
Before I knew it Moe had flew over and pushed her into the program table!
I couldn't even react before Moe was punchin her in her face. All I could see was arms flyin and Draya bein pulled to the ground. Moe was on top of her and Draya was tryin to swing and screamin! I stood there for a minute before I saw Pat snatch Moe off of her and I grabbed Draya.
"FUCK YOU DIKE BITCH!" Draya yelled.
"THAT'S OK THIS DIKE BITCH FUCKED YOU UP!…I TOLD YOU FUCK WIT HIM AGAIN!" Moe yelled from Pat's arms.
I wanted to laugh so hard cause she had it comin. I looked over at Sweets and she was now standin with her fist balled up.
I knew I had to get Draya out of there cause I saw Tey fly near Moe's side. FUCK! I picked Draya up and began to carry her out of the studio as she kept tryin to swing and kick in Moe's direction.
"IMMA FUCK YOU UP YOU UGLY ASS JEALOUS BITCH!" Draya continued to talk shit as I got her out the studio door.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yelled as I got her down the hallway and finally let her go.
"FUCK YOU CHRIS!…YOU NEED TO CONTROL THAT GREMILN! She yelled. "BITCH HIT ME IN MY FACE! I GOT A SHOOT IN TWO DAYS!" She paced.
I could already see it…she had a black eye and a busted lip and I think her nose was swellin too. YIKES! I felt bad for her then again I didn't cause she had it comin!
"You need to calm yo ass down…You always runnin ya damn mouth!" I fired at her.
"IM SO SICK OF YOU SAYIN THAT!…THIS IS ME!…I'M NOT CHANGIN FOR NOBODY!" She continued to yell.
"I GOT YA GREMILN YOU RAT LOOKIN BITCH!" I heard Moe yell from the door as Mijo held her back and was laughin.
"FUCK YOU!" Draya tried runnin towards her but I grabbed her.
"I don't think you want that!" I warned and pulled her towards the main door.
It took me a minute before I realized that she had slapped me in my face….I instantly had a flashback…It shook me so I slowly backed up. I didn't even get a chance to respond cause down the hallway came Sweets out of nowhere! She tackled Draya and they hit the wall. Sweets was hittin her so fast I don't think Draya got one punch off! Sweets was poundin her as Pat came flyin down the hallway and grabbed up Sweets.
"SWEETS NO!" I heard Pat say as he carried her back.
"LET ME GO PAT!…TOUCH HIM AGAIN BITCH AND THAT'S YOUR LIFE! FUCK WIT IT!" I heard Sweets say in the evilest tone ever.
I was in shock cause this time Draya didn't say anythin she just looked at Sweets with her eyes huge and holdin her now bleedin nose.
"Oh My God…You all are fuckin nuts!" She said tryin to get off the ground as the crowd from the studio made it to where we were.
When she finally stood up she began to cry…I felt a slight tug but it didn't last long.
"You a piece of shit…Gonna let them bitches jump me…You fuckin bastard..I want my PURSE!" She yelled at me.
"What?" I said confused that she was even comin at me like I set her up!
"WATCH YO MOUTH OR IMMA SHUT YOU UP!" Sweets yelled from Pat's hold.
"AYE BITCH YOU WANT YA PURSE! COME GET YO SHIT!" Tey yelled while Mijo blocked her as she held up Draya's purse.
"I want my fuckin purse so I can go." She began to cry and hold her nose.
"Give me the purse Tey." I said walkin over to her.
"Nah CB…She need to come get it…You aint kissin her ass…Fuck that!…DONT BE SCARED NOW BITCH! Tey yelled to Draya.
"Man give me this damn purse and go sit ya loud ass down!" Bow said snatchin the purse from Tey and givin it to me.
"Fuck you Shad!" Tey said rollin her eyes.
I walked over and gave her the purse and she pushed past me and damn near ran out the main doors. I felt bad tho…I didn't want to see her get her ass whooped but they was just defendin me…The shit had been buildin up. I still couldn't believe the bitch slapped me! If I wasn't takin the anger management class who knows what coulda happened! I just shook my head and walked towards Sweets who was still visibly pissed and starin at the door hopin she could get an openin and go after her.
I stood in front of her breakin her trance. When she looked up at me her eyes softened and she touched the stingin part of my cheek so gently.
"I can't be around her no more…I'm not livin this shit over again with you…so if you gonna keep dealin with her…I'm gone." Was all she said as she turned to walk back to the studio.
I felt stuck. She was basically tellin me it was her or Draya. She had never made me choose before. EVER! My mind started racin…One minute she didn't want to be with me now she want me to choose between her and my girl? HOW DOES THAT WORK!
"Wait… So do you want to be with me or not?" I asked holdin her arm.
I could hear everybody hold their breath like it was the question they were all waitin for. She sighed deeply and pulled her arm away.
"I can't."
My heart exploded…
"Lights on…Stage set…I guess I gotta put on a show…Cause everyone's waitin…Females…Fly kids…When I turn the radio on I hear all my songs play…"
I awoke to the smell of sausage and waffles. I had just got my appetite back so that was definitely enough to make me sit up. I took a minute lookin around and realizin I was alone….DAMN LAST NIGHT WAS CRAZY AS HELL! That will definitely go down as my BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! I mean I never would have thought Sweets would ACTUALLY ever want to do a threesome! I mean I knew she had done them before but that was just her and two girls! I sat there still in shock….WOW! Everythin started replayin in my head….I knew one thing… it had woke something up in me!…I MEAN IT WAS MY FIRST THREESOME EVER! And it was all the more special cause it was with Sweets. I FUCKIN LOVE HER MAN! For all I knew I would never get that chance again…Cause despite what everyone thought…Pullin off a threesome is not as easy as you think…Hell even if you are CHRIS BROWN! TRUST I HAVE TRIED! HA! Just cause a girl SAY she down for whatever DOES NOT mean she ACTUALLY is! Take me and Rob…Yea she was a freak but SHE WAS NOT GONNA SHARE ME WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN FRONT OF HER! HELL NO! I learned that quickly when she didn't talk to me for an entire day for even suggestin it! WHAT??
I shook my head cause I realized that my mind had drifted to HER… I GOTTA STOP DOIN THAT! I sat all the way up and ran my hands over my face….Bein here in Miami was exactly what my mind, heart and apparently BODY needed as well! I actually was feelin pretty good…Happy if I dare say…Yeah….Happy! I was ready to eat some that food…maybe give Sweets a round or two if she could handle it and then hit the studio for the rest of the day. Why not!
After I showered I got dressed and changed Sweets sheets….I don't know I have a thing about clean sheets! DON'T JUDGE ME! My Momma taught me well…Don't forget that fabric softener either! HA! And Sweets had the exact kind I liked…Swear she was just perfect in every way! I walked in the kitchen and she was standin there plating up the food with a half shirt, skinny jeans, J's on and her hair pulled up in a loose bun….I love that damn bun!
"Mornin Beautiful." I said as she jumped. Yeah she ain't heard that in longtime.
"Oh My God…you scared the shit out of me!" She said placin the plate down in front of me as I sat at the kitchen island.
"My fault …Damn this all look good! Thank you Baby." I said actually wantin to devour the whole plate!
"Good…bout time you start eatin somethin!… Well Me and Tey are about to head to the mall…You goin to the studio right?" She said grabbin her bag and sunglasses.
DAMN! You not gonna chill with me? I thought to myself. I don't know what had me feelin emotional or wantin her to be right with me…But I didn't want her to go for some reason…WHY?
"Why don't you do that later…I wanted you to come to the studio with me." I said turnin to her now.
"What?…Chris we had already made plans…then we goin to the beach!" She said crossin her arms and wrinklin her nose.
"Ya'll goin to the beach…Wit who?" I questioned. THE FUCK?
"I don't know they havin some kinda party on the beach…Tey got invited and wanted me to go…Chris what's up?" She said now frustrated.
"I mean nothin…I was just askin who ya'll was gonna be wit…I'm gonna send Los, Aaron and Keeis wit ya'll." I said from this URGE TO PROTECT HER OR MAYBE WATCH HER! WHY THO??
"Chris I don't need no damn security and hell what Keeis gonna do…smoke them to death…pssh!"She said holdin up her hand and walkin towards the door.
"Don't walk away…Sweets DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME!" I yelled goin towards her.
"I'm not gonna argue with y-"
I slammed the door shut before she could get it all the way opened. DAMN!
"I SAID DON'T FUCKIN WALK AWAY FROM ME!"I yelled interruptin her. FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!
"Chris…Wha…What's wrong wit you…" She said with terrified eyes.
DAMN! I slowly backed away…I could see I had scared the shit out of her…I stood there for a minute lookin at her in shock. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? She didn't move…she just looked at me like I was crazy as hell. SHIT AM I? I couldn't bare her stare so I turned and went to the room. I closed the door and slid down it. WHY I DO THAT? My thoughts were all jumbled up…I started seein flashes of that night…I could hear HER screamin in my head…I could see HER tears…I could see HER walk away from me that day she told me she couldn't do this no more. How she didn't wanna hear nothin I had to say! DAMN I JUST WANT IT TO STOP! I grabbed a hold of my head. FUUUUCK! I sat there for a long minute before the noise stopped…I felt like shit cause I had takin my paranoia out on Sweets…SHIT! I had to get out of here. I jumped up and put my shoes on. I grabbed my phone and my backpack. I went towards the front door…I couldn't look at her…She was still here and sittin on the couch watchin me as I walked passed.
"Where you goin?" she asked with pain and confusion in her voice.
"The studio…I'll catch up with you later." I said coldly as I closed the door and went across the hall.
She gonna leave me…
I looked up at the clock of the studio: 7:40 pm. Damn I had literally been here all day…I didn't care…I had made 4 songs and didn't feel like endin the session yet. I could tell Mijo, Aaron, Pat and Keeis were bored out they mind. But oh well…My mind was so crammed with thoughts I couldn't bring myself to leave right now but the anxiousness was about to drive me insane. But I couldn't leave…mostly cause I couldn't bring myself to face Sweets just yet…I hadn't heard from her all day which wasn't like her. I had talked to Tey a few times…She said they were at the beach party but Sweets was bein a downer cause she was just sittin on the lounge chair and watchin everybody. DAMN! I felt even worse…I didn't mean to ruin her day with my bullshit…It's just not easy tryin to control everythin I was feelin or what was goin on in my head every minute of the day! The flashbacks were drivin me insane! I knew Sweets was used to the chilled out, playful, laughin and silly side I USED to show…but it was hard tryin to keep that on all the time…especially right now.
I decided I needed a pick me up so I logged on to my Twitter account…Reading all the tweets from TEAM BREEZY had really started to help me deal with the stress. As usual I had hundreds of DM's and thousands of mentions. Just seein that made me smile…but I would always brace myself cause half of them would be from non fans that decided to give me a piece of their mind even though I didn't want it! FUCK OUT OF HERE! But the other half would be nothing but love or keepin me up on the latest rumor or hater that was bashin me. Over all most were pure comedy tho! I sent them out a tweet just to let them know I loved them and I was workin on new music but had to log off cause the response was a bit overwhelmin at the moment. The label and Mark didn't want me sayin too much cause my judge had made it clear she had her eye on my public interactions…I felt like a caged animal… my every move bein watched by everybody…Just waitin on me to snap! I sighed and closed the laptop cause well it didn't help my mood plus my mind had went elsewhere.
I wasn't expectin things to get as wild as it did…I aint gonna lie Draya was a piece of work! But Sweets was a beast last night! She delivered my fantasy like a true pro…It was yet another first we had shared together that not anyone could touch! I swear she was just made for me! But it was somethin about Draya that sparked my interest too…well beside the sex cause SHE DEFINITELY KNEW HOW TO PUT IT DOWN! I felt guilty cause I liked it so much…I didn't want to…but the shit was goooood! Not even close to as good as Sweets but she was definitely number three in my book! After all of our third or fourth round and Sweets finally tappin out…We actually talked for a while and she was a cool chick…BOLD! But cool as hell. I especially liked how she didn't ask me questions about the situation…That got her a lot of points! After we talked we decided to go again…HEY WHY NOT???…She rode me so good she made me cum back to back so hard it brought a fuckin tear to my eye! It blew my mind cause I didn't even know that was possible! DAAAMN! I fuckin yelled so loud I think I might have woke Sweets but she never got up! I got Draya's number and told her we could keep in touch…I mean at least I could keep her in mind if Me & Sweets wanted to get freaky again…No harm in that…right? She seemed a little nervous after that…I didn't understand why tho..I mean I couldn't read her which for me was weird for me and interestin too. I found myself scrollin through my phone. I stopped at her number…My first thought was just to say hi…You know see how she was doin and make sure she didn't feel weird about last night…You know just be nice! Ain't nothin wrong with bein nice…Right? I dialed it but she didn't answer…so I blew it off…oh well I tried.
"Aye nigga you bout ready to get out of here…We been here all day!" Mijo said comin over to me snappin me out my thoughts.
"Yea…Yea I'm done for the night…What ya'll tryna get into?" I asked not wantin to go back to Sweets yet.
"Shit nigga we in Miami…There is thousands of things to do…I was tryna go to that beach party tho…Bow just hit me and said its crazy right now!" He said getting excited.
"Hell yea!…Where the bitches at!" Keeis chimed in. DAMN I THOUGHT HE WAS SLEEP!
Before I could answer my phone lit up: BOW. I sighed then answered.
"Fuck you want…You ugly ass bastard!" I said as usual.
"Fuck you!…Aye my nigga where you at!" He said with music blarin in the background.
"Shit at the studio…What up?" I said knowin he was gonna try to get me to come to the beach party.
"My nigga you need to get yo ass down here!" He said laughin to someone else.
"You still on the beach?" I said rubbin my eyes.
"Hell yea…Sweets down here." He informed. DUH!
"Yea Mijo was just tellin me you said it was crazy!" I said changin the subject.
"Well get yo ass down here then nigga…I mean ya girl down here lookin like somebody stole her bike!" He pressed on.
"Yea…Yea…aight we on our way." I said sighin. I HAD TO FACE HER EVENTUALLY.
"My nigga."
"My nigga" I said hangin up. "Let's go." I said to them.
Once we got to the party we had to find Bow and them…When we finally found them… Sweets was doin exactly what Tey said she was: Just sittin and lookin through her phone way on the across from everybody. DAMN! I said what's up to everybody all while keepin my eye on her…she never looked up.
"You need to go talk to her." Tey said "You got her shook bro." DAMN SHE TOLD TEY!
"I am…I didn't mean to throw her off this mornin…My head is just fucked up right now…" I said sighin and puttin my head down. FUCK!
"Well maybe you need to explain that to her…I mean I think ya'll are perfect for each other… especially with all ya'll have been through…you need somebody like that in your life right now… no bullshit…She loves the hell outta yo ass and I know ya hurtin but you might not wanna let that one get away….again." Tey said lookin over at Sweets. "Fuck the others!" she added.
I nodded and looked over at Sweets…She finally looked our way. We made eye contact and her eyes were sad. DAMN! I had to talk to her…
"Aight Sis…Get wit you in a minute." I said
"Aight Bro…" Tey said walkin back over to where everybody else was.
I took a deep breath and slowly walked towards her but before I could get there two girls walked up on me. HI!
"Oh My God…Chris Brown!" The one with green eyes said all smiles.
"See I told you it was him…Oh My God…Can we take a picture with you!" The thicker one said.
"Uh Yea…that's cool." I said puttin on a smile and standin next to the one with the green eyes.
I took a few pics and talked to them for a minute…They seemed pretty cool…The thicker one even asked me to sign her chest! WOW! Been a longtime since I did that!
"Thank you so much!…You're so cool and I don't believe nothing the news says about you…I'm gonna tell everybody what a nice guy you are!" The thicker one said. "Fuck the haters!" she added. WHOA!
"Yeah Mutha Fuck the haters…I would be your girlfriend…Fuck Ri'hanna for dumpin you!" the green eyed one said. WOW.
"Thank you for the love ya'll….Ya'll be easy!" I said laughin and tryin to get away.
"Wait… Wait Chris!…Can I get your number…I'm in love you with you!" The green eyed on said desperately and now pullin on my shirt. "I will fuck Ri'hanna up for you!…I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABIES!"
Before I knew it Pat had flew to my side and was holdin them back. ALWAYS ON HIS JOB! HA!
"Ya'll gotta back up!" Pat said.
"CHRIS I WILL DO IT…I WILL!" Green eyes said tryin to get around Pat. "I LOOOVE YOOOOU!"
"Thanks…But you gotta chill wit all that!…I love you too!…Gotta go!" I said laughin and headin towards where Sweets was quickly.
I laughed to myself all the way to Sweets…It was scary cause I think that girl probably would have done it! IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS! I'm all about loyalty…but that was just crazy! When I walked up on her… she was shakin her head.
"Wow…Just wow.." She said bustin out laughin.
"You see that shit…She went nuts!" I said laughin and sittin down beside her.
" I wanna have your babies!…Chris I looove yoooou!" She said mimickin the girl and laughin.
"I know right!…Just wow!" I said happy to see her laughin. BEAUTIFUL.
"Well at least you know your loved…And capable of bein someone's baby daddy!" She said bumpin me with her shoulder and smilin.
"Yea that's true…But I don't want "kill somebody for me" love…that's too much!" I said laughin and bumpin her back.
"Well some people don't play when it comes to the ones they love." She said lookin at me out the corner of her eye. YOU KNOW YOU CRAZY RIGHT!
"Yea that's true…So you good?" I said knowin her point. SHE CRAZY…BUT I LIKE IT!
"Define good…" She said wipin the smile off her face. DAMN!
"I understand…I'm sorry bout this mornin…I don't know where that shit came from…My head is just crazy right now…" I said lookin down at the sand. "I know it's not a good excuse but it's the truth."
"Chris I know your goin through it right now…But flyin off like that…it's just not cool" She said "Just talk to me…I will understand…ok?"
"I don't think you wanna know what's goin on in my head…Shit I don't even wanna know…" I sighed. "Think I'm losin it for real.."
"That's just it I do…I can't help if you won't tell me…We used tell each other everythin…nothin should change now…" She said lookin at me.
I knew she was right but I didn't want to scare her…I mean I have some fucked up thoughts man….Shit that would make anybody else probably off themselves by now….and I aint gonna lie…I had been thinkin about it…a lot….
"You right… but all can say is I'll try…for real." I sighed again not wantin to look at her. FELT LIKE SHIT!
"I'll take that…" she said simply and looked out at the crowd. "I gotta go back to LA."
"Why?" I said confused.
"I think Josh has been stealin the donation money from the studio…My accountant called and said the books have been off for the 4 month in a row!" She said gettin upset. "If there is one thing that I will not tolerate is stealin from my kids….they don't have nothing as it is!"
Josh was her director of operations for DANCE 1 STUDIOS: LA. He gave me a bad vibe the minute I met him! I told her then she needed to have somebody else overseeing the studio while she was away…I mean she had 5 studios now: ATL, LA, Miami and now NY! She could watch everythin all the time! Now the VA studio was our baby…I loved them kids man! I knew they were confused by everythin that had happened with me…but I made sure that that was the first thing I did when Sweets got to VA. I sat all 50 of them down and apologized for my actions and answered any questions they had! I wanted them to know I loved them and I was still gonna be helpin them…Plus I would never let them down again. The love they gave back moved me to tears right there in front of 'em…I felt embarrassed at first but then I didn't care…I wanted the lil homies to know cryin didn't make you weak. It's amazing how kids that don't even know you will forgive you quicker than grown ass adults! Just sad..
"Wow…That's so fucked up!… I knew I never liked his punk ass for some reason! Why would you steal donation money…don't you pay him a grip!" I said gettin pissed too! YOU DON'T TAKE FROM KIDS!
"Hell Yea!…More than the amount we get in donations…I'm practically fundin the whole thing out of my own pocket as it is…So this doesn't help!…I can't let them down Chris…I can't…I wanna just go down there and beat his ass!" She said getting hype.
"Nah don't do that…You know what I'm gonna have Mark call you so ya'll can handle that the legal way…Cause his ass need to pay for stealin from kids! Fuck outta here wit that shit!J" I said standin up. "Have you fired him yet?"
"I tried callin him and he hasn't returned not one of my calls…So that's why I need to go in person…Cause if he is capable stealin he could be capable of anythin…and I left my babies in his hands I swear to God!" She said with so much passion. I swear in that moment she reminded me so much of my Momma. DON'T MESS WITH HER BABIES OR IT'S ON!
My mind drifted to what a good mother Sweets would be right now. Cheyanne would be almost 3 years old…The thought of OUR daughter runnin around on this beach right now was bittersweet. Since all of this happened it was hard for me to think about her…I mean it all definitely hit home cause I kept thinkin of how I WOULDA KILLED ANY MUTHAFUCKA THAT PUT HANDS ON MY DAUGHTER…PERIOD! So what kinda man does that make me? A hypocrite? I thought so….So I tried to push the thoughts of her out my mind cause well I was ashamed…
"So when you tryna leave?" I asked. I was supposed to meet up with a few producers there anyway.
"I need to go immediately…I gotta make sure they are ok!" She said standin up.
"Ok…Don't even worry bout the money shit…I got it all I need is a total." I said seriously.
"Chris you don't gotta do that…I got it." She said bein stubborn as usual.
"No…I'm gonna do it…Just give me the total and its done!"I insisted. WHY CAN'T SHE JUST STOP!
"Ok…I will find out…Thank you…" She said shyly.
I didn't mind it…It was for the kids plus I know she can handle her own funds but that wasn't the point…I can't have her goin broke when I am capable of helpin. I'M HER MAN!
"Aight…I'm gonna get us red eye flight out tonight…just go pack." I said cause if she wanted to go…we were goin. Even though I didn't want to go back THERE! Not yet at least. "Let me get they ass together…I know Mijo need to see MyMy anyway."
"Thank you…You know I coulda did that…don't feel like you gotta take care of me." She said crossin her arms and kickin the sand shyly.
"Look…I know you CAN do it…the point is I WANT to do it…you my woman…it's my job to make sure you straight…let me do this aight?" I said walkin front of her and kissin her forehead and rubbin her arms.
"Ok…well I guess I could just pay you off in dick suckin…what you think?" She said shockin the shit out of me! WOOOW!
"What the ….You fuckin crazy!" I said laughin so hard cause she had me stumped.
"Whaaat?…You like my head …don't front…I'm bouta earn every damn dime…Come on Daddy!" she said sarcastically grabbin my hand. SHE IS TOO MUCH!
"You wild….but uh….I prefer free head…so If I gotta pay then…I'm good!" I fired back laughin.
"Mmm…well I guess I can make an exception this time…Just as long as you lick first…" She blatantly flirted back. WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO HER!
"You aint even gotta ask…Call me cookie monsta…" I said walkin behind her and lickin her ear.
"Ooo shit….Stop cause I swear I still haven't recovered from last night!" She said smilin.
"Aah yea I put in that work!" I said kissin her neck.
"Yes you did…Hey that's what I meant to ask you about…When Draya left she was actin really strange…Did I miss somethin?" She questioned. WHY YOU ASKIN ME?
"Uh not that I know of…but she was actin weird for I fell asleep…maybe the whole thing freaked her out…I don't know." I answered. WELL SHE DID!
"Hm…Yea that's what I was thinkin…I will try and call her later…" She said givin me a look I didn't recognize. WHAT?
"We about to go ya'll…Gotta get to LA." I said to the crew when we finally got to them.
"Aight!" Aaron said walkin up.
"LA BIIITCH!….Let's roll!" Mijo said headin for the exit area.
I gotta admit I was a nervous as hell about goin back…I had only been back to go to my sentencin and I didn't have to go back til next month for my first progress hearin…So yeah LA was not a fun place to think about right now. But despite all that I had work to do…I had just got this demo for a song called CRAWL. It put into words everythin I wanted…No.. needed from the whole world right now…I had to make this one…so I swallowed my fear and we were off..


text:
A great photo set celebrating the act of reading in transit and how books take us where we're going.
2012 Highlights from the Underground New York Public Library
Here are ten highlights from almost one thousand photographs that have become part of the UNYPL in 2012. Each photo posted in the library is beloved. The Reading-Riders have thoroughly inspired me, in their presence and in their act of transcendence. Photographing and interacting with them in the past year has impacted me as a photographer and as a person.To them, Thank you!
HT The Believer

subset: commoncrawl


text:
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