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People with disabilities
Self help devices
Self help, or assistive, devices can give a person the leverage they need to perform certain tasks that they find difficult due to lack of strength, flexibility, range of motion or balance. Healthdirect page linking to information on a range of self help devices.
healthdirect Australia
Young Carers
Young Carers provides contacts and support for children and young people, families and primary teachers. Their respite and information services program assists young carers to complete their education.
Department of Social Services


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This weekend has been a crazy ride for me and for my youth. On friday, Asaday and the Guys practice really late at night, well mostly it was only us girls who practice really late until 12 A.M. for the concert that we were suppose to do today but then evetually this stupid producer was being a bitch about everything that my girls and I end up not singing. it was effing stupid because we practice for that concert late at night and it was just pointless. grrrr!! >=[ … anywhoo, the positive thing about this weekend was spending time with my youthh!!! :) and by the way LAKERS WON 2-1 baby!! Saturday afternoon we went to Peace Arch for some A.Y. program that auntie Lynette prepared for us and after that we end up playing ultimate freeze bee. it was DLS vs. Fraser Valley. in the end we all got Dark and sweatttyy. Oh yeah and today we were so pissed about that whole concert thing that our youth and our parents end up eating out in some buffet restaurant and enjoyed getting fat :D
i wish my brain had a map to tell me where my heart should go …
Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install
Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High
Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get
the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error
- Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed
and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in
turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
Yesterday was wonderful. spending time with someone special in your life could brighten up your day really fast. everything was just perfect. singing, dancing, and laughing together was the best part of the day.

subset: commoncrawl


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I ate dinner tonight at the Alamo Freeze. #really #fnl #texasforever
- 2 years ago
- 1
- Tags:
He'll play single-issue gun rights activist Fester Trim.
- 2 years ago
- 164
- Tags:
'John Carter' premiere (or, the moment we accepted Taylor Kitsch's short hair)
Nope. Still not okay with that.Source: insidemovies.ew.com


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Next, you'll be asked to connect with Twitter. Rest assured, we will never send a tweet from your account
without your permission.
We will send you an email with an invite soon.
RT @DailyBaller: ICE union hammers Gang of 8: Their plan is 'legalization, or amnesty first, and then enforcement' (via @c_maydc)
Criticism of Abraham Lincoln is usually from Southerners he fought war to keep in the Union. Maybe what they have to say is worth a listen.
See what's Trending Now for @motownmutt
Follow @motownmutt on Twitter


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STOTT PILATES Mini Stability Ball Workout DVDItem Number: 28685536
Price: $15.99
Free Shipping Eligible on Qualifying Purchases Over $49! Up to $15 Shipping Credit. (See Promotion Details)
Product Information
Customer Reviews
Add the STOTT PILATES® Mini Stability Ball Workout DVD to your regular Pialtes routine so you can tone and shape your body like never before. With your 7" Mini Stability Ball&trade and exercise mat, you will strengthen your supportive muscles for improved health and overall appearance. This beginner level workout features instructors, Moira Merrithew and Lindsay Merrithew, to motivate and push you to achieve toned arms, legs, buns and thighs.
- Beginner workout DVD for a balanced and full-body workout routine
- Features 26 exercises with the use of a Mini Stability Ball™
- Tones and sculpts entire body to strengthen supportive muscles
- Improves posture, health and overall body appearance
- Shapes arms, legs, buns and thighs for a toned and lean body
- Instructed by Moira Merrithew and Lindsay Merrithew, President and CEO of Merrithew
- Equipment Required: Exercise mat and Mini Stability Ball™ (sold separately)
Country of Origin: Canada


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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
The real problem with not giving the bow to the hunters is that it solves some of the biggest issues a hunter has and would probably be used by the hunter until another legendary bow or gun becomes available because it doesn't use ammo. So no bag slot filled with an ammo pouch, huge cost savings in not having to buy ammunition. a rogue doesn't have those problems as they usually only have 1 or 2 stacks of ammo on them. I understand the logic used in the decision but wholeheartedly disagree with it, as anyone who raids should.


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Phil Mickelson didn't have the strongest finish at the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational last week, but that hasn't put a damper on the spirits of the 2013 British Open winner.
Mickelson spoke on Tuesday about the upcoming PGA Championship at Oak Hill Country Club, saying that he hopes he can do battle with Tiger Woods since both are playing near the top of their respective games.
I can taste some of my best golf coming out. I can feel it. That has motivated me to continue to work hard and enjoy it, and I'm enjoying it more than I ever have. I'm as motivated as ever to compete and to play and get the best golf out of me to hopefully play against Tiger when he's playing his best.
That would ultimately be the goal. If I can play as well as I can at the same time he's doing the same, I would love that opportunity.
Woods, of course, absolutely dominated the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational. Let's hope golf fans will be treated to these two giants battling it out this upcoming weekend.
[Source: Reuters]


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Hello, there. This is the place where I collect things that I enjoy. I hope you get some enjoyment out of them, also.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
You can never have too many mugs
I collect mugs like other women collect shoes.
I need this… It is beyond want. IT IS A NEED
no you don't understand, I NEED THIS MUG


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Beyond Cat Killing
August 1, 2014|
Capsule reviewed author Ian Leslie sets up his latest book, Curious, about the human propensity to wonder and learn.
Video, Slideshows, Infographics
August 1, 2014|
Capsule reviewed author Ian Leslie sets up his latest book, Curious, about the human propensity to wonder and learn.
June 1, 2014|
Stephanie Swift discusses the strategy of fighting cancer with viruses.
May 1, 2014|
An organization hopes to restore natural ecological processes by reintroducing large herbivores to the continent.
April 1, 2014|
University of Texas at San Antonio microbiologist Karl Klose discusses the problem of antibiotic resistance in a 2013 TEDx talk.
January 28, 2014|
Kerry Grens chats about ancient tooth decay, asthma, and fat cells.
November 1, 2013|
Neurosurgeon Andres Lozano discusses deep-brain stimulation in this TEDx talk.
September 1, 2013|
Bacteriophages shuttle genes between diverse ecosystems.
August 1, 2013|
Scientist to Watch Josh Snodgrass has traveled the world, from Siberia to South America, to study how the physiology of indigenous peoples shifts with changing lifestyles.
June 1, 2013|
Scientists working in developing nations who engage in capacity building find it bolsters the lives of locals and their own work.
June 1, 2013|
Yale University evolutionary biologist Steven Brady studies the evolutionary impacts of roads on the amphibians.


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COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) - Authorities say they have rescued one child who was forced into prostitution and arrested three people described as pimps in Ohio as part of a 3-day law enforcement operation across the United States.
The FBI on Monday announced its Cleveland division recovered the child in northwest Ohio and made one arrest during the sweep.
The bureau's Cincinnati office reported the arrest of 2 people during the campaign knows as "Operation Cross Country."
Authorities rescued a total of 105 children and arrested 150 pimps in 76 American cities. The victims, almost all girls, range in age from 13 to 17. The largest numbers of children rescued were in San Francisco, Detroit, Milwaukee, Denver and New Orleans.
The FBI says the campaign has resulted in 2,700 children rescued since 2003.
Copyright 2013 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.


text:
See and share Beautiful Nature Photos and amazing photos of interesting places
A list of Muriel Rukeyser Poems. This poet page also includes a link to popular and all-time best Muriel Rukeyser poems and the poet's biography. Many of these Rukeyser poems may be famous while other poems may be less well-known.
. American poet and political activist
Are we missing a
Submit a Muriel Rukeyser poem here...


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Dogs and roosters will have an ally in state Sen. Gene Davis this upcoming legislative session as the Democrats' newly chosen minority leader introduces bills aimed at toughening cockfighting laws and tightening restrictions on dog tethering and puppy sales.
The Humane Society of Utah asked Davis to sponsor the trio of measures after learning Utah is one of only 15 states that doesn't prosecute cockfighting as a felony.
Humane Society Executive Director Gene Baierschmidt said surrounding states have already made it a felony and participants in cockfighting come to Utah because they know the penalties are more lax.
Cockfighting is illegal in all 50 states, and Baierschmidt said the practice of strapping razors to roosters' legs so they can slash each other to death is "barbaric" and also said it encourages illegal gambling.
Davis said the bill to protect dogs from being tied up for long periods in yards stemmed from complaints that those animals often engage in excessive barking and suffer harmful physical effects.
Dogs sometimes arrive at the shelters with collar marks embedded deep in their necks and often have a hard time socializing after being tied up for long stretches.
"A life of being chained up isn't good animal husbandry," Davis said. "If you have your animal and it's a pet and is a part of your family, then make it a part of your family. You have to spend time with the animal and not keep it tied up all day."
The bill would restrict the amount of time a dog could be tethered outside to 10 hours. Currently, there is no restriction on tethering. A violation, under the proposal, would cost the owner $250 and be a misdemeanor.
Baierschmidt said the Humane Society would like to see the law closer to what California has on the books — an anti-tethering measure that allows dogs to be tied up only temporarily when the owner is engaged in an activity that requires it — such as painting a fence or performing other outdoor chores.
The other bill Davis will carry would restrict people from selling puppies in parking lots of big-box stores or in parks.
He said the proposal isn't aimed at professional breeders or legitimate pet sellers who ensure the animals are spayed, get proper vaccinations and don't have diseases. Baierschmidt said Utah shelters, which see more than 10,000 animals a year, often end up being the safety net after people who make spur-of-the-moment purchases decide they don't really want animals and abandon them.
He also said puppies are sold in these unregulated areas with diseases that could be harmful — including parvovirus, which can lead to rashes and arthritis in humans.
Diseased dogs often end up at shelters and must be euthanized, Baierschmidt said. Approximately 150 dogs a year suffer that fate, Baierschmidt said.
Baierschmidt said he expects some controversy on the proposals — especially on the anti-tethering bill.
Rep. Curt Oda, R-Clearfield, is no stranger to controversial animal bills.
In 2011, he proposed a bill that would allow people in rural areas to shoot feral animals that were viewed as a threat to farmers. The bill covered a wide swath of feral animals, but it was the image of feral cats that caught fire in the session; the proposal eventually died.
Oda said he hasn't seen the measures by Davis, but he was cautious about them when told about their broad outlines. He said the state already has "too many felonies on the books" and believed the regulations against chaining animals could lead to neighbors reporting neighbors without knowing the circumstance why a dog was chained up.
"Tethering is a natural part of owning an animal and, by definition, animals and pets are not considered human beings — they're considered property," Oda said. "So if they want to change how animals are going to be treated overall, they'll have to change the definition to say animals aren't property."
Twitter: @davemontero


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Last weekend I met up with Katie in Paris. I only live a few hours away, but this was my first time going to Paris not just to pass through!
Katie and her friend Alex were flying in from Italy and I was taking regional trains from Metz, but the timing worked out such that we figured out we could both get to the Louvre at about the same time on Friday, so that's where we met. Since we were there, the first thing we did in Paris was see the Louvre. We sought out the Mona Lisa and Liberty Leading the People, but the latter isn't currently there as it turns out. We did see another Delacroix painting as well as quite a few if his contemporaries. I also enjoyed the Winged Victory of Samothrace. The Louvre itself is enormous, and the Louvre Pyramid (built in 1989) is awesome. We spent several hours getting ourselves lost within the Louvre, then decided to seek out dinner.
For dinner we went to Auberge St. Roch, which was well-reviewed on TripAdvisor. It was a nice, cozy, seemingly authentic French restaurant with a very nice waiter. We got escargot as an appetizer, which was pretty good, and then I got duck breast for dinner. For dessert we shared crème brûlée so heavenly that it rivaled my brother's.
Even though I had gotten a full night's sleep on Thursday for once, we were both quite tired on Friday anyway, so we went to our "hostel", which was actually an upstairs room in somebody's house, to sleep fairly early.
Despite the fact that it is now mid-March, Saturday was freezing cold and rainy. We started the day off with a walk from the Arc de Triomphe (de l'Étoile, the famous one) down the Champs-Élysées toward the Louvre, and across the river. We planned on getting a baguette and a bottle of wine for a picnic in front of the Eiffel Tower, but since it was so annoyingly cold we skipped that and went straight to the Musée d'Orsay. This museum was much more my style, with a gallery of wonderful Van Gogh paintings including one of his most famous self-portraits, some Impressionist paintings, and a view of the city through one of the building's enormous clock faces.
After getting lunch at the museum, we went to spend the afternoon at Versailles, the famous palace built largely by Louis XIV (but also by several other generations). The palace is incredible, especially the hall of mirrors, and the grounds are unfathomably vast and beautiful (although, probably more beautiful in the sunny spring). This place is so big that the royal family's summer retreat is literally on the same property as—but not visible from—the main palace. I found the 3D graphics and models of the Versailles area at different times particularly interesting; they gave a very good impression of how the place came to be and how the scale of it just kept increasing.
After Versailles we went back downtown to get dinner and finally climb the Eiffel Tower. It was freezing cold, raining steadily, and windy, but you HAVE to climb the tower! We only went up to the second level rather than the top, and stayed up there for a total of about 10 minutes before coming back down and seeking shelter.
We got up pretty early Sunday so we could get in as much tourism as possible before leaving. We went down to the island and got crêpes for breakfast, but had the extreme misfortune of finding what must be some of the worst crêpes in Paris—they were cold and bland. Oh well. After breakfast we walked over to Notre Dame, which they surprisingly leave open to tourists during mass. We quietly walked around and took in the stained glass, architecture, and history. I loved the gargoyles. After seeing Notre Dame we walked around the rest of the island, discovering the Holocaust memorial and then a park on the river. We got surprisingly good street food for lunch, checked out the nearby bridges covered in locks placed there by happy couples over the years, and then we headed back to the Louvre so Katie could meet up with Alex and they could go catch their flight home.
The weather was garbage, but Paris was still a whole lotta fun.


text:
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text:
COLDWATER, MI (WTVB) - Thanks to a passerby who saw the smoke and flames early Saturday morning in Coldwater, no injuries were reported in a blaze that heavily damaged a home on West Chicago Street.Branch County 9-1-1 got the call about the fire around 4:30 a.m. Coldwater firefighters arrived to find heavy fire in the attic of the Tonya Otis residence at 281 West Chicago Street.
The flames extended to a rear utility room, bathroom and kitchen area. The center portion of the roof collapsed but many contents were salvaged sustaining water damage only. The home at 275 West Chicago received some damage on its west side to the siding and windows. The cause of the fire remains under investigation but is believed to be electrical in nature. There were no working smoke detectors. The owner was insured. The American Red Cross assisted the displaced family with their needs. That portion of West Chicago was blocked off until mid morning as firemen were on the job for some five hours.


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On Valentine's Day in 2006 Trey Purcell was diagnosed with a rare genetic and progressive disease called Hunter Syndrome, or MPS-II. After Trey's parents, Deb and Ryan Purcell, adjusted to the diagnosis, they began their quest to save their son's life; this is when they found out that there was no research in Canada devoted to finding a cure for Hunter Syndrome. In 2007 Trey became the first child in the country to begin the life-saving treatment of Enzyme Replacement Therapy (ERT) for the disease.
Unfortunately, since Hunter Syndrome is classified as an Orphan disease, most children diagnosed do not have this option. To that end, and to help fund further research to help save their son's life, the Purcells began hosting the annual "Tacos for Trey" fundraiser, a local event geared towards kids – the goal of which was to fund one $40,000 research grant each year specifically for Hunter Syndrome research.
After discovering that there was no designated fund for researching MPS-II, the Purcells established the MPS-II Research Fund, within the Canadian MPS Society (charity number: 12903 0409 RR0001). In order to continue to raise money for MPS-II research, as there are currently no other fundraisers in Canada specifically devoted to funding research for Hunter Syndrome, we have decided to take the fundraising, which began with Tacos for Trey, to a higher level. All donations made to the MPS II Fund go directly towards MPS II research, minus a 5% administration fee. The costs associated with advocacy and fundraising are either donated or paid for by the Purcell family. Since 2007, the MPS II Fund has granted over $110, 000 to research, and by March 2011 will have funded another $50, 000 grant.
Ryan Purcell, Trey's father, has worked in the Vancouver film industry for years as a steadicam operator. Over the years he has seen countless examples of the generosity within this community, and in this instance we are asking for your help in putting together a gala with proceeds going directly into the MPS-II Research Fund.


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Well thats it. After her Metal Gear Saga violin and Boondock Saints theme, shes destroyed other women for me.
http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/10...ogical-testing"I'm not here to be a distraction," Pouncey said.
I looked through her channel, and I have to say, I'm impressed. Of course, it doesn't hurt that she plays video games theme primarily, but she is a damn good violinist. I can't tell if that's a wedding band or just a ring she is wearing, but if she's married, her husband is a lucky dude. An attractive female musician who appreciates video games? Can't be too many of those around...
Valandui's Weekly Music Video
The Contortionist: Language I: Intuition


text:
With the full crew back together, we talked a lot about the future of gaming. Some games need to die, some need to be revived, and others are just too crazy for market. Tune in to hear the specifics!
- Intros
- An End to Assassin's Creed?
- The Rant: That Game Needs a Sequel!
- Send Me to Heaven for iPhone/Android
- Shout-outs
- Gag Reel
Like the show? Leave us an iTunes review or drop us some mail at email@example.com. Tell a friend! The Gametwerp Podcast – everything and anything video game.
Listen to last week's Gametwerp Podcast here!


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Reebok Court Victory Pump "Grizzly"
The latest Michael Chang's signature Reebok Court Victory Pump will be inspired by the North American bear. Dubbed Grizzly, this Court Victory Pump is constructed in a rich brown suede throughout the upper. It's also equipped with round hiking laces, speckled midsole, and camouflage interior to give it more of a outdoors feel.
Look for the Reebok Court Victory Pump "Grizzly" to hit select RBK accounts like Feature in the upcoming weeks. Stay tuned to TSG for the latest updates.
Follow @TheShoeGame on Twitter & Instagram
About the Author (Author Profile)Senior Editor for TheShoeGame.com Twitter: @FootSole_ja & Instagram: @alexthagr8_tsg
Comments (1)
These are cool. I have to admit that I am slowly becoming a fan of Reebok. Something new and different for sure.


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Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > the poision that she loves
so what were you dreaming about?1 Reviews
its morning and time to find out what each other was reaming bout!!
the poision that she loves
(#) xxMloewxx 2011-03-30 05:47:34 AMI'm glad you already updated! XD Cuz that's a bit of a cliffhanger!
Will he kiss or not... I hope that I'm about to find out! ;)


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Rhodia invests in breakthrough photovoltaic technologyNews release
Paris, September 14th, 2010 ---- Rhodia has joined with the UK's Carbon Trust in a £4.5 million equity offering of the solar energy start-up Eight19 to develop "organic photovoltaic" technology. This investment will allow Rhodia to be actively involved in the development of this new technology, bringing its industrial know-how and best-in-class research capabilities.
The breakthrough organic photovoltaic technology will use semi-conducting organic polymers to provide solar power at a price substantially lower than that offered by first and second-generation technologies. The solar cells will be similar in appearance to photographic films and be flexible, lightweight and extremely easy to install, allowing to address new market segments such as building integrated photovoltaics (BIPV), intelligent fabrics, mobile electric equipment or self-powered electronic devices.
The photovoltaic market is expected to expand rapidly, with growth rates of 20% to 30% per year. According to Rhodia and its partners, organic photovoltaic technology should enable the deployment of low carbon electricity on a very large scale.
"This investment is perfectly in line with our strategy to explore new promising market segments fitting with our sustainable development commitment. Furthermore, we are convinced that open innovation is key to leverage our research and development capability. We are happy to work in close partnership with prominent scientists to develop this breakthrough technology", explains Pascal Juery, Group Executive Vice-President of Rhodia.
Eight19 is a start up company spinning out of Cambridge University's Cavendish Laboratory. Eight19 is developing organic photovoltaic devices, or printed solar cells, and is moving to a commercial phase to develop, manufacture and sell high performance, low-cost printed solar modules for high-growth volume markets. Rhodia, Carbon Trust, a private company set up by UK Government to accelerate the move to a low carbon economy, and The Technology Partnership, a technology and product development company are the main investment partners.
Sir Richard Friend, Cavendish Professor at Cambridge University and laureate of the Rhodia Pierre-Gilles de Gennes Award in 2008 is one of the three founding scientists who will have continued engagement as a Board Director. This prize was awarded for his seminal work on electroluminescence in semi-conducting polymers. The distinction enabled Rhodia and Sir Richard to maintain close ties and, subsequently, to develop this collaboration.
Rhodia is an international chemical company resolutely committed to sustainable development. As a leader in its businesses, the Group aims to improve its customers' performance through the pursuit of operational excellence and its ability to innovate. Structured around six Enterprises, Rhodia is the partner of major players in the automotive, electronics, flavors and fragrances, health, personal and home care markets, consumer goods and industrial markets. The Group employs around 13,600 people worldwide and generated sales of €4.03 billion in 2009. Rhodia is listed on Euronext Paris.
Media Relations
Lamia Narcisse +33 (0)1 53 56 59 62
Investor Relations
Maria Alcon Hidalgo +33 (0)1 53 56 64 89
Benjamin Bruneau +33 (0)1 53 56 64 42


text: new to forum glad to be here. I have background in auto,truck,aircraft and support equipment repair current repair stable: 04 impreza 2.5RS engine swap with new seals clutch t/belt w/p (grandson),06 forester dtc/coilswap(brother), 98 forester:brakes,half shafts t/belt,w/p,front seal,radiator(note this vehicle has a 2.2L swapped into it)(friend) 98 forester 2.5L currently electrical nightmare hope forum can help with electrical diagram/schematic. tried to post on forester forum keeps saying not logged in do you have post restrictions?


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20 Minute Ma Po Tofu Recipe, Demystified and Veganified
Ma Po Tofu is a dish popular all over China, not just in Sichuan. The vegan version without ground pork goes by a different name but is just as tasty. The secret is to find the authentic Pixian Chili Bean Paste or "Doubanjiang", which comes from the outskirts of a Sichuan city named Pixian. Some say Doubanjiang is the soul of Sichuan cooking, certainly it is a very special product. Sure, there are generic substitutes by the big name pre-made sauce makers, but it's not the same. I will tell you how to find it, otherwise it is worth ordering by internet.
Very few authentic recipes or videos exist online. Inauthentic recipes clearly do not understand tofu and have extraneous ingredients. The most authentic ones are a bit more complicated than necessary, in my humble opinion. This recipe is my adapted formula for vegetarians and vegans including soy-based sausage instead of ground pork, but the recipe maintains authenticity. I will point out where you can improvise if you are missing certain ingredients or want to adjust. Surprisingly, the mysteries of Ma Po Tofu go away quickly when you examine at the ingredients. Even better, it takes me 20 minutes from the time I open the fridge to plating, so it's a great quick dish. You may be even faster!
The sourcing is the hard part. Without being familiar, I spent nearly an hour scouring mysterious shelves at the largest Chinese market in Boston. I almost gave up but persistence paid off in taste! You need a good Chinese market, the bigger the better. On the other hand, cooking and prep is surprisingly simple, almost fool-proof! 20 minutes, even if you never made it before.
* Pixian Chili Bean Paste or "Doubanjiang" - Look for packets, not jars, below all the bottled chili sauces. The ingredients should be beans (fava or broad), chili, salt, rice and water, hopefully no preservatives. It is truly a thick paste and not a sauce at all.
* Fermented Black Beans or "Douchi"- Look near the dried beans, or near the sauces – it will come in a Quaker Rolled Oats type of cardboard cylinder with a metal pop-off lid.
* Chinese Cooking Wine - Choices are bewildering, but try to get a Jia Fan style from Shaoxing province. Mine is aged for 3 years and it has a smooth character, not unlike Sake. If you cannot find it, choose one that has no salt added from Shaoxing. There are 4 major styles from this province, and they range from dry to sweet, with more sugars and spirits added. Jia Fan is medium dry and suited for most purposes from veggies to seafood to even meats, or even just drinking! For people who don't have high chili tolerance, Japanese Mirin could work instead, adding a touch of sweetness. But you would need real Mirin, not the fake ones with corn syrup, as it will burn. Real Mirin is quite expensive while real Jia Fan is 2 or 3 dollars for a whole 750mL bottle. The most expensive alternative? A sweetish Japanese Sake. Don't buy cheap 2 dollar Chinese cooking wine with salt added. That stuff is salty rubbing alcohol. Plain white wine would be better. I did a hell of lot of turning around of bottles and reading of Chinese which I don't understand in the least! at Kan Man Market in South Bay Boston, 3 year old Jia Fan is the best they have, trust me.
* Silken Tofu - Any local brand will do. Use about one cube per serving. I get the big 6 pack because this dish is addictive! Non-GMO of course is preferred.
* Arrowroot - or Corn Starch, Potato Starch, Kudzu Root, any thickener. Arrowroot has a higher tolerance against breaking down and has more "sheen" than other starches. It's likely that wheat flour can work in a pinch.
* Lightlife "Gimme Lean" Soy Breakfast Sausage - Dry bulk TVP or Textured Vegetable Protein is okay but flavorless - soak in concentrated vegetable broth in that case. Fake ground beef, fake ground pork, they all will work. Of course, ground pork is in the original recipe.
* Garlic - Well you know what garlic is, I hope. I've been lazy lately and use freeze-dried garlic; it works fine. It is less potent than fresh of course. 1 to 3 cloves is fine as a rough guide.
* Ginger - I am not sure if authentic recipes use ginger or not. It may add another dimension or just get lost with all the other flavors. I have not used it yet. I would finely dice it as opposed to using my Japanese grater.
* Sesame Oil - Used to start the frying of pork, optional. Any vegetable oil will do. Good for you if you can detect sesame flavors after loading on all these powerful ingredients! If you read this recipe to the very end, you'll find a good tip for the sesame oil, but used as a garnish mixed with Chili Oil.
* Vegetable Broth - I keep low-sodium bouillon cubes in stock at all times. If you use fake sausage, you may as well skip this, it's quite flavored enough, but not if using TVP. With real pork, chicken broth is used. Using a half cup of water is not going to be a crime if you forget to pick it up.
* Chili Oil - The heat may be too much for some, but should be drizzled on top in plating for authenticity.
* Sichuan Peppercorn - also known as Prickly Ash, it is not a peppercorn at all and doesn't crack open like whole black pepper. It has a literally numbing and menthol like flavor which is quite distinctive and necessary as a condiment, in my opinion. I have found ones in Chinese markets of not very good quality. I buy from gourmet western markets or spice specialists. Look for a deep pink or magenta hue. Toast or roast slightly in the wok before starting for best results and crush in a coffee mill.
* Dried "Facing Heaven" Pepper - sold as "Zhi Tian Jiao" or "Chao Tian Jiao", it is very difficult to find. It is the signature chili of Sichuan. I have only found it already ground, which shortens shelf-life. It is mixed with Sichuan Peppercorn to make "Mala" or "numbing and spicy", the base of many Sichuan dishes. In fact, with Mala and Pixian Bean Paste, one can make many Sichuan dishes, such as "Zhiu Jiu", sometimes spelled "Gin Ju" - the fire-boiled fish fillets, the classic benchmark Sichuan dish. In our dish, the Facing Heaven seems like a luxury chili, but it would be a crime to omit it if you have Sichuan Peppercorns. In any case, this chili is milder than bird's eye chili, around the level of a mild Jalapeno. It is very fruity compared to typical narrow-type dark red Chinese chili. It's nice to have and a total score if you can find it whole. Send me some if you do.
* Scallions - Well, here is your token green vegetable, which adds color, but hardly much flavor. But I like to steam some baby bok choy as a side.
* Rice - It's nice to break up bites of spicy Ma Po Tofu with some thankfully soothing rice! Setup the rice before prep begins.
Prep: About 5-10 minutes.
Prep here is simple. Cube your tofu and let it drain on the cutting board. Don't worry about excess water. Grab a handful of the fermented black beans, more or less to your taste, and rinse them two or three times after letting them soak in cold water for a few minutes.
Take a small piece of your fake sausage and stick it in a wok with some sesame or vegetable oil. Don't turn on the heat yet, more prep to come.
The Pixian paste, if it came in a packet, I recommend putting it in a glass jar for ease of use and refrigeration after. Stick a teaspoon in there and set it next to your stove. Also get the cooking wine out.
Chop up your scallions and crush and mince your garlic. Set aside the scallion for garnish and put the garlic next to the other ingredients by your wok.
Believe or not, the biggest pain is crushing the Sichuan Peppercorns. I've tried crushing with heavy pans, and chopping with big knives. Doesn't work well. Stick them in a coffee mill, just a teaspoon is plenty. Mix in a equal amount of Facing Heaven Chili.
Finally, in a cup, mix half a teaspoon of Arrowroot and a couple of teaspoons of water. Don't even mix yet, and don't bother with a spoon.
Cooking: 10 minutes or less.
It is very easy and the only thing to worry about is adding too much stock or water. I will explain.
Start frying the fake sausage or what have you. If you have no "meat", the next thing to add is the garlic and ginger, quickly followed by the Pixian Chili Bean Paste. I recommend about one teaspoon for each cube of tofu for wimps, one tablespoon for people who want "authentic". Use medium heat, one notch higher than halfway on the burner control. Use a big metal cooking spoon to break apart the sausage. It will stick all over the place and to itself until it gets reasonably fried. Just use your fingers to scrape it off the spoon.
By now the Pixian Paste, garlic, and fake meat are glowing deep red and almost charring in the wok. No big whoop – it's time to deglaze with the cooking wine. Just pour a good double shot in there straight from the bottle and drink a shot yourself, for quality control, ahem, and deglaze away. Throw in the fermented black beans in, and next, is the critical step of adding stock or water.
In the classic manner, the tofu is blanched separately prior to cooking. I could not reason why – until I figured on my own that the more tofu cooks, the more water it releases. So what I do now is skip blanching, or silly prep involving paper towels. I simply put less stock than logical, say a half or 3/4 cup per two cubes or two servings. It should come to about slightly above halfway up the side of tofu cubes. But we haven't added tofu yet. So basically add about 2/3rds the amount of liquid you think you need in total, the tofu will provide more. Anyway, you can add more liquid later if necessary, just underestimate for now.
It is important to turn on your fan and step away from the wok when adding wine, water or stock. The fumes from the chili and resultant steam are quite tear inducing. It is basically homemade pepper spray – Sichuan-style. Fire in the hole!
Let your sauce cook for 2 to 3 minutes. Use this time to clean up, and quickly steam up some bok choy, check on your rice cooker, get out plates. After that, carefully add your tofu. Again one cube will easily be good for one person. Stir in very gently of course and let it cook. When is it done? When the water level starts creeping up on the tofu, that is the water coming out of the tofu as we discussed. (Now we understand tofu better, do we not?) About 3 minutes as a guideline.
Grab your cup of Arrowroot suspension. With your impeccably clean finger, stir the mix until you cannot feel starch on the bottom. (You cannot feel with a spoon.) Pour in slowly and mix gently, as it will thicken quickly. Potato and corn starch need a good 30 seconds to cook, or they break down after plating and the sauce gets runny again, which is very sad. Arrowroot does not have this property, it just works. Plus it's shinier and more appealing. It's magic!
Plating by itself, next to, or on top of rice is fine. Garnish with scallions, chili oil, and a mixture of Sichuan Peppercorn and Facing Heaven Chili Pepper. You can cut the chili oil with sesame oil if it's too hot for you. Roasting the sichuan pepper in the wok (before you start cooking anything) is a nice way to release those essential oils. You can crush them in a coffee mill and mix it with Facing Heaven to get the freshest mala powder.
Enjoy this classic dish, de-mystified and slightly simplified for vegans, vegetarians and omnivores alike.
Japanese Style
The Japanese have a dish called "Mabo Tofu". Can you guess where it's from? It uses less Doubanjian, substitutes sake for cooking wine, and also subs "Tian Mian Jiang", (sweet black bean paste) instead of whole fermented beans, finally, it adds soy sauce to make up for salt lost by less Doubanjian. It is not quite as fiery as the original but still largely canonical.
This is what we call, "Not so great Ma Po Tofu." Travesties include strange additions of peas and carrots or heaven forbid, onions. Disappointingly, no Sichuan Peppercorn on top. Sometimes it's simply thickened garlic chili sauce plus soy sauce which breaks down after a bit. A sad shadow of its origins, tis clearly better to attempt this at home rather than suffer bad renditions dining out. Otherwise excellent Chinese restaurants often fail at Ma Po Tofu. It is surprising but true. Tofu cooking for eastern chefs is the egg omelet test for western ones.
Emergency Ma Po Tofu
Even if you only had Doubanjian, Tofu, water and starch – it would still be delicious. Doubanjian is just that good.
Tips for lessoning the spicy heat:
You could follow the Japanese version, check out the "Cooking With The Dog" channel on YouTube for a FAR less complicated explanation than mine of this dish. Within the original recipe however, using less Doubanjian would help obviously. Because it has most of the salt – go heavy on the fermented black beans, or add a touch of salt. (I would not use soy sauce, as it will darken the color.) Sugar can help, but just a pinch, like you would with your tomato pasta sauces. Also, Mirin instead of Chinese cooking wine like I mentioned earlier. If you want to lessen the heat of the chili oil condiment, or simply extend it's usefulness, you can cut it with sesame oil. In fact, you could mix say half a teaspoon of chili oil in a tablespoon of sesame oil. It would have a nice nuttiness while getting a bit of the heat across. You might as well cut the whole bottle of chili oil with a bottle or two of sesame oil if you can't handle chili oil in general.
Ingredients NOT in this recipe:
Soy Sauce, Salt, Peas, Carrots, Onions, Firm Tofu. I don't use Ginger, yet, as I am not quite sure if it's authentic to do so. I can't say I've tasted it distinctly in any version I've had in a restaurant, good or bad. Fuloon in Malden, MA may have the truest version I've had, complete with Sichuan Peppercorn.
How to build a Hackintosh ThinkPad X61 Tablet with Mac OS X Lion 10.7.3
This is a layman's guide on how to make a ThinkPad X61 Tablet or regular X61 into a MacBook Air killing Hackintosh. First, a bit of a primer on why I ever went this route anyway.
I first built a "Hackintosh" Thinkpad some years ago when Mac OS X 10.5, Leopard, was current. It was purely a novelty, I already had MacBooks and MacBook Pros and Mac Pros. Those days were rough, things such as DSDT patching and EFI hacks didn't exist. It was all luck of the draw, either that downloaded, hacked Mac OS X installer worked or it didn't. Modding a kext, the files that are low-level device driver software for various components such as wi-fi, bluetooth, and the display, were in their early days. Very few people knew enough about Mac OS X internals to make custom kext files, never mind bootstrap a generic PC or create a custom kernel (the core part of the Mac's operating system.). But the idea caught on like wildfire, a few companies started selling whole systems even, and it hasn't stopped since. For me, I couldn't get enough things going so I shelved my little project, and those companies got shut down by Apple's legal department a long time ago.
When 10.6, Snow Leopard, came around, things were much different. "Vanilla" kernels were the rage, and EFI (It is somewhat analogous to a PC's BIOS, but it is software on the hard drive, as opposed to firmware of the PC itself.) exploits opened a wider range of opportunities. Then DSDT hacking came about and basically it is impossible *not* to be able to turn just about any standard Intel Core 2 Duo or better machine into a Hackintosh. I have that Thinkpad X61s running Snow Leopard beautifully and I use it everyday. I built it in 2008 to be a MacBook Air killer, and it still delivers. With an SSD (Solid State Drive), it blew away my 15" MacBook Pro even, I just sold it after that, there was no point in having a real Mac when I could make a 300 dollar computer, with another 300 bucks invested in SSD, faster and more functional than any Apple Computer. SD card reader? Check. Verizon WWAN card? Check. Fingerprint reader? It all works, even Apple's own FireWire standard. Even today in 2012, Apple's Macs do not have WWAN or fingerprint readers. They are very useful things. My X61s weighs 3 and a half pounds with an 8-cell battery. When parts break, I buy them on eBay for a few dollars from China. It's the cheapest best computer I've ever ran.
Recently I had a ThinkPad X61 Tablet, which is similar in architecture. laying around with no use. I got it for two reasons, foremost the screen. It is a redonkulous 1400x1050 pixels in a 4:3 ratio 12" LCD. Plus it's a tablet! So yes, it swivels and it has a stylus. (Yes, it works in Mac OS X Lion.) It's like a giant high-resolution iPad, except it's real computer. It addressed the one weakness of the X61s, a low resolution screen. (The X61s has a normal 12" 1024x768 screen, and it's pretty low quality.) I quickly got used to 1024x768, but I have plenty of big monitors at home to plug into when I need it. But having 1400x1050 in the same 12" was too hard to resist. It's slightly longer and heavier than the 3.5 pound X61s, but at around 4 pounds, definitely on better than any MacBook Pro, even the 13" model, which has a really crummy 1280x800 screen, the worst screen in the whole lineup. It's not MacBook Air light, but it's on the edge of sub-compact notebook.
So as it turned out, I really needed a Mac OS X 10.7 Lion machine to run Xcode 4 so I could start making iPhone apps, and I just couldn't risk redoing my X61s. It was way too hard to get setup to wipe it out. I decided to build out the X61 Tablet with Lion. Man, that was wicked hard. But I'm typing on it now and I love it. The screen is sick, it has about the same number of pixels as a low-end *17"* MacBook Pro. The SSD makes it practically faster too. SSD is a game changer. Don't buy a new computer, just buy an SSD. It is night and day. It is not even close to the same experience as a computer with traditional hard drive. Literally everything is faster, and most things are near instant. Apple finally has it right with the 11' and 13" MacBook Air models of 2011, but they are artificially crippled by 4 gigs of RAM. That sucks. Too bad, because they are very affordable. The MacBook Pro line is totally 2000's in my opinion. The 13" one is vastly inferior to the 13" Air in every way, especially display, except they can take 8 Gigs of RAM. Something has to give, and it's likely the two lines will kind of meld or attain equilibrium this year. It has to. This is all because the 2008 MacBook Air was a $4000 luxury toy, now it's the entry level machine. Weird.
Anyway, this is how to do it. Forget endless googling, I've done it all and a gazillion reboots.
The first things are physical. Which X61 Tablet? There are scads of different "types" in Lenovo parlance. Mine is a Type 7762-AS1. It doesn't really matter, 99% of them have 1.6 Ghz Core2Duo CPUs, a few had 1.8's. It doesn't matter. What matters is the display. They were "Multiview" and "Superview" and just normal ones. The XGA screens are only 1024x768 pixels. Forget it, might as well get a non-Tablet X61 or X61s, they are lighter and smaller. Yes, you want what I got, a SXGA+, a whopping 1400x1050 pixels of real estate. It really is like have a 19" LCD panel in your laptop. The pixel density is something like 166 pixels per square inch, which is a hell of a lot more than the standard 96 DPI, but this is no ordinary hackintosh. ;) All SXGA+ models "Superview" have a stylus for tablet purposes. It does not work with your finger, sorry. Some of the XGA ones do work (badly) with your finger. They are called "Multiview". Forget it, this isn't an iPad. Just get the 1400x1050 screen. Mine doesn't have Bluetooth surprisingly and that blows. But I can buy it on eBay for 30 bucks with the wiring harness, or buy a 10 dollar USB one. Later, later.
Ok, most professional Lenovo's come with docking stations or docks. They are nice, Lenovo always made the best ones. Get it, because you'll occasionally need a DVD drive. Plus it is sweet to dock and have your keyboard, mouse and external monitor all light up instantly. The thing is called "Ultrabase X6" and they are expensive by themselves. You can buy a decent ThinkPad X61 Tablet with the Ultrabase X6 for 300 to 400 bucks I imagine, on eBay. Don't buy it from a used dealer. Wait for a private seller who has all the manuals, disks, etc. Make *sure* it's 1400x1050. Assume the battery is shot. They are a little pricey, but you can save money by choosing a good third-party make, like AGPtek. That's what I have now. The life isn't great, but other than building your own battery (That is another topic, a dangerous topic.) that's as good as it gets without paying Lenovo prices, which are stupid expensive. An AGPtek one should be around 75 bucks.
Wifi. You need a new wifi card, because the standard Lenovo one, actually it's an Intel part, just won't work in Mac OS X. So go on eBay and search "Lenovo Atheros AR5008". Should be 30 bucks. No big whoop. You can buy a non-Lenovo Atheros AR5008, but it won't work unless you change your BIOS on the ThinkPad, more on that later. Anyway, just get a Lenovo one, it's no big whoop.
RAM. Well, if the bastard was cheap, the machine has 2 Gigs of RAM. Don't buy that one! Buy one with 4 Gigs, but if you don't, yes, buy (2) 2 GB DDR2 PC2-5300 SO-DIMMS.
SSD. You most definitely want to get a nice 120 GB or bigger SSD. 200 bucks, are you kidding? No. Absolutely do not even bother reading the rest of this if you don't get an SSD. I'm using a OCZ Vertex 2, which is a good fit. It's a "Sandforce" controller, it goes only to SATA-2 (SATA-3 is current.), so this is a good mid-performance model at the right price. SSD's can die suddenly though, believe it or not, so always backup. There is no such thing as a fail-proof hard drive, not even an SSD. The other choice I would go with is OWC Electra 6G, or their Mercury Extreme Pro 6G, if you want to spend a little more money. OWC is very Mac-centric. They do over-provisioning, which was was a sort of workaround for Apple's lack of TRIM support, more on that later.
USB keyboard and mouse, a Mac running 10.6.6 or higher and a USB case for the SSD. You'll need these thing just temporarily, to get your ThinkPad going. A 2.5" SATA USB case is nice to have, plus you can use it later for Time Machine backups. They are like 6-7 bucks at Micro Center. Just get one. Okay, well, you need a Phillips double zero, well maybe a triple zero (00 and 000) screwdriver. It's like 2 bucks at Micro Center, stop complaining. Hell you can get a kit of 40 made in Taiwan, for 9 bucks. I use German Wiha ones, but whatever, I like nice tools. Just don't buy shiny ones made in China. The chrome flakes off and the bit is junk after one use.
Lastly, you need Mac OS X Lion, preferably bought from the Mac App Store on the Apple you are borrowing. Buy it, download it, but don't install it. In fact make a backup copy of it on a flash drive. This is better than buying the USB installer from Apple because it's the latest version, which at the time of this writing is 10.7.3.
Download my software bundle here on that Mac you are borrowing:
It is a zip file of 4 zip files. I'll explain what to do with them.
- Middleton BIOS X61 Tablet.zip
- Extra.zip
- current SLE March 6, 2012.zip
- Post-install X61T.zip
I recommend putting them on a USB stick because you'll be switching computers.
Before you blow away Windows on your ThinkPad X61 you will probably want to run the Middleton BIOS hack first. It replaces the BIOS. You know that command line looking gibberish before windows comes up? Well it's important stuff, it tells the operating system what kind of hardware the PC has. It's what we call an "abstraction layer", something that is sandwiched between two very different things so they can talk to each other. In this case, software and hardware. On the Mac and Windows to some extant, there are actually more abstraction layers, such as EFI, SMC, ACPI.
Anyway, why this hacked BIOS? As it turns out the X61 line has a curious thing about the hard drive sub-system, it runs in SATA-1 or just SATA, not SATA-2, even though the hardware is capable of it. As you can imagine, it limits the speed of hard drives in there, especially if you have an SSD. So if you have an SSD, you really need to do this. The instructions are pretty clear but there are two ways of doing it. One is to run the included exe file in Windows. It's pretty damn easy. The other way is to burn the included ISO file to a blank CD, boot off it, and run the BIOS flash that way. By the way, some hacker just made this BIOS by himself. If you need a BIOS for another X61 machine, such as the non-Tablet or X61s, google "Middleton BIOS" and it will come right up. Beautiful.
Ok, you will need to turn off your machine and install the wifi card. It's not that hard, don't even google it. Just remove the battery, unscrew all the bottom screws you can find, turn it over, lift the lid and carefully lift the palm rest area and keyboard up. You'll see one Mini PCI-E cards under the right side of the palm rest area. The other slot is empty unless you have a special order ThinkPad with Verizon WWAN. Carefully disconnect the antennas, undo the two screws, pop it out, and you might find a third one sitting in a plastic sleeve under it. Why? Well the wifi card you are ripping out is only 802.11G. The new one is N! Guess what, real N cards use 3 antennas. So pop the new one in, put the antennas in the same order, the new one goes in the middle if you have it. Put the machine back together. Don't bollocks it up. Use a egg crate container to hold screws, they are kind of handy. Magnetizing your screwdrivers really really help.
Good job! Are you ready to Hackintosh? Plug the fancy SSD into the USB case, and hook it up to that borrowed Mac. Open Disk Utility and erase the sucker. Call it anything you want, I like "Hackintosh SSD". Open the Install Mac OS Lion app in the /Applications folder and carefully install it on the SSD, not the hard drive of the system you are running!! Doh! It's not really clear on how to switch the target of the install, but just click the hard drive icon and it will slide a new screen where you can choose the target drive.
When the installer finishes, you will be asked to reboot. Let it do it's thing. It then *actually* installs (*headshake*) and then it asks you for you name, login name, password, etc. Choose wisely. If you want to copy stuff from an old Mac, choose the same names.
By the way, there are fancy ways to get the PC booted under the installer and get the whole shooting match going without another Mac, but it's just not worth it. Besides it's wicked slow. This way is crash-proof and faster. Your choice.
Now it's really time to get going. We are going to run stuff in the "ThinkPad X61 Tablet post-install" zip file, so get that ready, along with the "Extra" zip and and the "current SLE March 6, 2012" zip files. You can unzip them all now.
In "Post-install X61T" run "MultiBeast 4.2.1.pkg". This is a wonderful post-install by http://tonymacx86.com/ These are some of the best people on the bleeding edge of Hackintoshes. They are running 10.8 Mountain Lion systems, for man sakes. I shouldn't even be distributing this installer, but I wanted a soup to nuts kind of deal for normal people. Please forgive me Tony!
There are a LOT of options for MultiBeast, it's supposed to be a one-shot deal for many different types of PCs. But we are picking just one and it's "UserDSDT Install". It will install the very basic things to get a Hackintosh going. Number one is Chimera, which is a boot manager and EFI firmware hack to get the PC bootstrapped. One of the most difficult challenges in Hackintosh originally was getting around this EFI problem. EFI is largely a replacement for BIOS on Mac and as I said, it's the first abstraction layer that gets the machine booted in software. In fact, the very first prototype Intel Macs didn't have EFI, they had normal BIOS. But EFI was a much more dynamic extensible system and after 30 years of BIOS, fine! But since 99% of PC's still use BIOS, how did we do this? Well, as it turns out, on every Mac, the first 200 megs is a special reserved area for guess what? EFI. It's quite the coincidence since the hard drive format has nothing to do with EFI, but Apple has to do this because the hard drive format they use, GUID, says that you must set aside 200 Megs for an EFI partition. Since GUID is open-source "UserDSDT Install" also installs a couple of kexts so the thing can basically boot, but never mind that for now, we are going to replace them anyway.
One other thing UserDSDT Install does is make an "Extra" folder on the root level of your SSD. So you should see:
- Applications
- Extra
- Library
- System
- Users
The "Extra" zip is a whole replacement for the entire "Extra" folder. Unzip "Extra.zip", and replace everything in /Extra with my versions. What in here?
- DSDT.aml
- org.chameleon.Boot.plist
- smbios.plist
- Themes
DSDT.aml is yet another hardware abstraction layer. It is more complicated than BIOS or EFI. It is like, for example, what registers and PCI IRQs to use for the Ethernet controller. There are hundreds of DSDT hacks for thousands of different PC components and it is way too much time to mess around with. I just don't have time to do it. I grabbed the best pre-made one I could find on forums, but more advanced full-time Hackintosh guys will hack their own custom ones. This one here is pretty damn good for the X61 Tablet, it enables the tablet feature on Mac OS X for one thing. org.chameleon.Boot.plist and smbios.plist are a bunch of strings that inform Mac OS X what kind of Mac the operating system is dealing with. In our case, we are lying and saying it's a MacBook Pro 17" model. No big whoop. Lion is a pain because you didn't really have to fill all this stuff out when hackintoshing in Snow Leopard and Leopard, now you really do or it gets very unhappy.
Time to shutdown your borrowed Mac. We just have to get the kexts installed and do some post-install installs and you'll have a pretty sweet Mac for under 600 bucks. By the way, when you shutdown here, the Mac just generally hangs. Just force turn it off, hold the power key for 4 seconds, no big whoop. Disconnect the drive and take it out of the USB case. While you are doing that, boot up the Mac you just borrowed and make sure you let it boot because my girlfriend freaked out when she did just that and her desktop said "You Mac just froze, you wanna report to Apple?" She was totally convinced it was slower which is ridiculous. Just make sure you boot it once, open System Preferences, click Startup Disk and reselect the original drive as the boot drive. It will make booting faster, since it's still looking for the SSD that's no longer there. Shut it down after, so it "remembers" that setting. Jeez, she gave me bloody hell for that, she doesn't believe a word I say about computers ironically.
So you have to rip out the old drive on the Thinkpad and it's just one screw believe it or not. Well, one to take it out, then there are four screws for the sled after you take the rubber grommets off. No big whoop. Just make a mental note of the orientation of the drive, you don't want to stick it in there backwards or upside down, doh.
Well, go for it, press the power button. It's a beautiful moment to cherish your own Mac booting all by itself. Baby grown up. Now put that aside because we got work to do.
You *should* get to the desktop. The keyboard and mouse should *not* work. If you don't make it to the desktop, well, you are just going to have to re-read this more carefully and start over.
The keyboard and mouse do not work because they are PS2 style unbelievably, which went out of style in like the year 2000. So we need to plug in a USB keyboard and mouse for a moment. So do that.
It's time for the kext installfest. In the "current SLE March 6, 2012" zip file, there are a list of 18 kexts. They all need to be properly installed in a special folder on the Hackintosh, /System/Library/Extensions, hence SLE. In the "Post-install X61t" zip, there is a utility, KextBeast, which is again by the good folks at http://tonymacx86.com/. Install on the ThinkPad.
To actually use KextBeast, you simply drag the kexts out of "current SLE March 6, 2012" onto your desktop. Then launch KextBeast and hit install, authenticate, and that's it! You Hackintosh is basically done after a reboot. Exciting! What KextBeast actually does is grab any kext lying on the desktop, puts them in S/L/E with the proper permissions.
After you boot, you should see your glorious 1400x1050 in full res glory, the keyboard and track button should work (Give it a week to get used to the TrackPoint or "UltraNav" or whatever Lenovo calls it. You'll get used to it.) Don't be a sissy and use a mouse. If you must, buy the Magic Trackpad from Apple even it's pricey. It will enable all those useless finger gestures that really only make sense on an iPad. It doesn't recognize THE finger, so eff that I say.
We can add some polish to our project, and that's why I included the following in "Post-install X61T" zip.
- com.apple.virtualMemory.plist
- cpu-x.app
- iStat Menus Installer.app
- KextBeast.pkg
- KeyRemap4MacBook.pkg
- MenuCracker.menu
- MultiBeast 4.2.1.pkg
- Smart Scroll Installer 3.9.3.app
- tabletmagic settings.rtf
- TabletMagic2b18.dmg
- TRIM-SUPPORT-SSD.txt
- TrueSuite_188.8.131.52.dmg
The com.apple plist doesn't really do anything. It was supposed to disable encrypted virtual memory and help my sleep problems, but it didn't work. You can put it in /Library/Preferences/ but don't even bother unless you want to work on the sleep problem.
cpu-x is a cool little app to show you if the CPU is running SpeedStep, which varies the processor speed to save energy and therefore battery. In our case, it doesn't work. Oh well. You can google and try to solve it, but you risk making your system unbootable, etc. Wait till you get good at this stuff before that.
iStat Menus Installer.app is a menubar item widget and preference pane for geeks who want to know fan speed, CPU temps, network speed, etc. It's for geeks. The FakeSMC kext I gave you is especially hacked for this. I like to know my CPU temps and fan speeds, because Hackintoshes run hot often, if the power management is not done right in DSDT or with custom kexts. This machine runs like a well-oiled sewing machine, 58 degrees C usually and the fan speed is zero. It's dead quiet, eerily quiet since SSD doesn't make noise.
KeyboardRemap4MacBook takes care a bad key. The ~ key or ` key next the 1 is mapped wrong, it types some weird symbol that stand for "section". So install it, open it in System Preferences and scroll way the hell down to "For International English Keyboard" and click the triangle and finally click "Section() to Backquote(`)" Jeez, what a pain!
MenuCracker.menu is actually for iStat2. Lion doesn't allow third-party widgets anymore, so this changes it back the way it used to be, the right way, in Snow Leopard and before, so you can have cool menubar widgets like iStat2.
Smart Scroll Installer 3.9.3 is not quite so "must have" but it adds quite a bit of functionality to your otherwise pretty basic TrackPoint. "Auto-Scroll" is the feature I like.
tabletmagic settings.rtf TabletMagic2b18.dmg enable your tablet and tablet digitizer. To be honest, mine loses it's tablet calibration like every 2 presses, so it's kind of worthless. It's so disappointing but true. Whatever you do, DO NOT CLICK the "Enable Digitizer" button under the "TabletPC" tab section of TabletMagic. You will trash the whole system. I did that and had to start from scratch what a pain. All you have to do is click the "enabled" checkbox on top and "Launch at Startup" under the "Extras" tab if you want to. Then you can click "Enable Ink" and you have an "Ink" Preference Pane. Sadly, Ink is damn useless. Windows Tablet Edition is a million times better. Ironic since Apple pioneered handwriting recognition with the Newton. Le sigh.
TRIM-SUPPORT-SSD, this document is important. If you bought an OWC SSD, don't do it, it will actually slow down the OWC SSD. (They use over-provisioning instead.) I use it on my OCZ Vertex 2. You can check the result by open System Profiler.
TrueSuite_18.104.22.168.dmg well this is the piece de la resistance. It enables the fingerprint reader, and it is damn cool. After years of pshawing them on PC's, I really like it. It logs me into the Hackintosh itself, and in Lion, it even logs me into websites in Chrome and Safari. Just brilliant and all your Apple fanboi and fangrl friends will twinge with just a hint of "Wah, why don't I have that!". Well, they aren't cool enough to build their own Mac and they are Apple tools.
That's it. I cannot get sleep working for the life of me and it maybe due to DSDT or maybe it's the firmware on my OCZ, I just don't know. I'm tired of hacking this thing. I'm tired of writing this blog post. All I know if you should unclick sleep for the hard drive in Energy Saver since it is an SSD, and you should type this in Terminal, found in your Utilities folder. (To remove the sleep image file.)
sudo rm -rf /var/vm/sleepimage
To disable safe sleep mode: sudo pmset hibernatemode 0
Sleep images aren't really work much in the days of laptops and SSD. I would love to get sleep going but gotta pick your battles. Maybe you can be the one to figure it out. Luckily Lion has that handle "reopen windows on login" feature. So I just shutdown now. This thing boots so fast anyway.
The SD card slot works, sort of, if you boot with a card in, if you don't it sometimes freezes the keyboard and mouse. Lion is just a lot harder to hackintosh than Snow Leopard, because this works perfect on other X61 running 10.6. Guess we'll have to wait for a new kext from voodoolabs. The PC card slot or PCMCIA slot does not work, who cares? The FireWire port is the only thing I'm not quite sure about, last time I checked, it was spewing GUID = 00000000 errors in Console, so some sort of plist fix might be in order. If you solve it, let me know. For now, I just disabled FireWire in the BIOS of the ThinkPad, which is accessed by pressing F1 and Esc repeatedly during power-on. (Why both keys? Because I'm not sure which one and it doesn't matter.)
Happy Hackintoshing!
Cocoa Fried Clam Sauce Pasta
This dish was a crazy experiment of mine that turned out well. It's a dramatic but simple departure from White Clam Sauce Pasta, using Unsweetened Powdered Cocoa. The technique is funny too, since I'm frying the Clams and serving them on top of the pasta, instead of just boiling them with the juice of the clams. It is a bit messy since it requires 2 pots, a fry pan, 2 colanders and a big mixing bowl. But if you want a weird pasta dish to impress, this might work. I always want to make clam sauce to not have rubbery clams. So separating the clams from broth always made sense, but judging just how much to boil is tricky. Too little, it's like gross warm ceviche. Too long, rubber. Last time I actually quickly sauteed the clams with the onions right away! The dry fried clams were good, I simply reduced the clam juice in another pot with some wine and mixed everything together. So deep-frying has to be even better no?
Yesterday I went to a Chocolate Restaurant, Max Brenner Boston, so I had this nutjob idea to make cocoa flavored something today. This is what I came up with. Believe me, you aren't going to see this on a restaurant menu soon.
Clam Sauce:
A pound to a pound and half of Freshly Shucked Clams in Juice (Frozen okay)
Handful of parsley
Onions, Garlic
White Wine, optional
Bay Leaf, Thyme, Black Pepper
Heavy Cream
Grated Parmesan Cheese
Flour mix for dredging Clams:
Cup of Flour
Nutmeg, Sesame Seeds, Hot Pepper
1/2 Cup Unsweetened Powdered Raw Cocoa
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1 tablespoon Sugar
1/3 of a Pound of Dried Pasta per serving
Lemon Juice, Pinenuts, Parsley, Parmesan
The first order of business is to setup the Clams. First if they are frozen, defrost in the fridge overnight. Don't cheat and try to warm them up in hot water. It doesn't work. If you forgot, well, sorry, come back tomorrow. Now that it's tomorrow, sieve off the Clam Juice and save it. I was drinking beer so I poured some on top of the clams after they were drained, to get more "juice" and perhaps tenderize them. What do I know about food chemistry? Nothing. I did give them a bit of a squeeze however, which is so scientifically proven to tenderize everything.
The flour mix is kind of your taste, but basically it's a fried clam batter with lots of cocoa powder, a touch of sugar to get the cocoa flavor out and enhance the clam sweetness, some spices such as nutmeg and sesame seeds to add more dimension, and hot pepper to give a top note. (I used Urfa Turkish pepper, very smoky.) So my mix is kind of Mexican Mole in a flour batter. I would not put pepita seeds or nuts in there, they will just burn. Just dredge them and leave them alone for now. Do make the seasoning kind of strong, as it's just a dusting and you won't taste "all of it" as you eat the clams. I suppose you could double-dredge with egg or condensed milk, but I don't think it's necessary for this dish.
Time to make sauce. Start the saute with butter and onions, then garlic, whisk some of the flour mix actually to start making a roux. Deglaze with you finest White Wine or in my case beer and dump the clam juice in. Whisk it up and add your finely chopped parsley, leaving some for garnish. What I do is chop very very fine, but I don't worry about the big pieces on the sides not getting chopped finely. I use those for garnish and save myself the work, ha ha. Sometimes cutting smart is not worrying so much that you are chopping every little thing. So let the sauce simmer gently while you…
Start boiling water for Pasta. It is not necessary to have a roiling boil for pasta. Lately, I don't even salt the water or use gallons of it. It's been proven, little or a lot of water, high heat or medium heat, it simply doesn't matter. Trust me, I did it the old fashioned way for years, and I'm not sad that I don't have keep blowing foam down that's spilling over and driving up my utility bills. Ok, once you got your linguine in there and stirred a bit…
Let's fry up some Clams sucka. We got a skillet on med-high heat, about a half-inch thick layer of oil, don't have to totally cover the clams completely. Don't smoke the oil, but make sure it's going to fry by flicking some flour in there and make sure it bubbles. The clams shouldn't take that long, a few minutes tops. If you like, put them on a wire rack and keep warm in oven so they stay crisp. Actually I broiled mine quickly before plating.
The Pasta and Sauce should finish about the same time. Add heavy cream to thicken the sauce. Drain your pasta. That ole' trick about saving pasta water to thicken your sauce? Eh, forget it, guess you didn't make the sauce right. Just dump the pasta in the colander and finish the sauce. We'll dump both in a giant mixing bowl so the hot pots don't keep cooking everything. Once we have it in, and mixed, add the parmesan cheese, (Which will thicken, thank you very much.) save some for garnish too. Mix everything, and let's plate.
How I plate spaghetti or linguine is simple but adds a touch of elegance. Grab a serving worth of pasta, much as possible basically with a pair of tongs. Lift straight up and hold the tongs perfectly upright, north to south. Actually this might be easier if you hold the tongs "backwards" in your dominant hand. Now, with your other hand, grab a plate or big shallow bowl, and hold that underneath on the bottom with your whole hand. Lower the pasta in, and slowly ease up pressure on the tongs, and slowly SPIN THE PLATE at the same time. The pasta mass forms a sort of cone, pyramid shape I guess, it certainly looks intentional. Garnishes around the pasta will look nicer too. I suppose if are not so coordinated, spinning the plate on a counter while you lower in the pasta works too. However, if I was a line cook making 100 pasta plates a night, I would find this too slow. But we are not line cooks, phew.
Okay, that was way too long to explain a stupid plating trick of my own accord. Grab some of those Cocoa Fried Clams and plate them over the pasta. Don't worry if they fall around your pasta, who cares, this isn't Il Cantore. Garnish happily with Parmesan, Pinenuts, and Parsley, varying over and around the plate till it looks "balanced". Finally a good squeeze of Lemon Juice and you are done! The kitchen will be a disaster but it actually does not take long to make this dish. 40 minutes I'd say.
The taste of this dish isn't bizarre quite honestly. Chocolate is quite savory when you think about it, and quite bitter without sugar. I could imagine almond & cocoa flavored risotto served with orange zest & cocoa dusted scallops right now actually.


text:
Michael Gleeson
Michael Gleeson is a sports writer with The Age, focusing primarily on AFL football, athletics, cricket and tennis. He has been awarded the Grant Hattam Trophy for outstanding journalism in football, while his cricket writing has been recognised in twice winning the Cricket Victoria cricket writer of the year award.
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November 22, 2012
I find it very hard to say no to people. I try to please everybody, especially people I don't know well. I worry a lot about offending, committing social faux-pas or hurting people's feelings. The idea that somebody wouldn't like me makes me anxious. What can I do about it? And how do I learn to NOTICE when my boundaries are being crossed?
(I have an appointment with a therapist and will bring this up with them, just to head you guys off at the pass. Meanwhile, I would appreciate your thoughts and tips.)
Example #1: Two strangers show up at my door wearing workers' overalls. They say they're chimney sweepers and would like to make me an offer if they can take a look at the fireplace. They invite themselves in and... I don't know how to refuse. Seriously, I'm a small woman alone in the house with my young child, and I just let these guys walk right in. So now I've got two strange men in my living room, trying to convince me to accept a deal I'm not sure is very good, and I have no idea if they're legit at all. I have to fake phoning my boyfriend and having him refuse the deal, because I cannot bring myself to saying no to these really quite suspicious dudes.
Example #2: I'm on my way to a self improvement course (Improve Your Self Confidence!). The organization offers treatment for people with varying degrees of psychological and/or psychiatric issues. Outside the building I'm approached by a guy who clearly has some serious mental health problems. He starts asking me intrusive personal questions (why I'm there, what my problems are), and I feel so sorry for him that I answer candidly even though I really do not want to talk about my mental health or relationships with this stranger. Also, he sits way too close to me, but I don't move away because I don't want to offend.
Example #3: An acquaintance of mine gets drunk during a night out and starts making remarks about my clothing, my body, my accent etc. Not downright insulting - some are sort of backhanded compliments, others I guess just pretty classic negging, perhaps mixed with a bit of bullying. He's also being a bit too handsy. I'm uncomfortable but just laugh it all off. It's only weeks (!!) later that it SLOWLY dawns on me this was actually inappropriate and something most people I know would never do. And that's after putting an awful lot of thought into it, trying to imagine myself (or my boyfriend, or my brother) behaving like that towards anyone, etc... Until then, I could literally not see what was wrong or why I felt so icky about it.
Example #4: (Not sure this one really counts as boundary crossing, but maybe related anyway.) I'm a foreign student, and I receive the highest score of our entire year for an observational assessment test. The professors give me very positive feedback and a detailed list of everything I did right. Afterwards a couple of fellow students (who were not present during my assessment) tell me the professors were probably just biased and cut me some slack because I'm a foreigner. I say "yeah, probably", even though I have the score card right there in my hands and know I got the points because I performed really well. I just don't want them to feel bad about their own results, even though I think it's kind of shitty to tell me that I probably hadn't earned mine.
There are more (oh so many more) examples going right back to my childhood, but I'm sure you get the idea already. My questions:
1) A huge problem is that I don't realize a boundary's being crossed or that I'm unhappy with the way things are going until it's too late. How do I learn to NOTICE on time that I'm not comfortable with something?
2) How do I learn to be more comfortable with occasionally disappointing people, disagreeing with them, or with people being annoyed with me?
3) I was raised in a culture where conflict-avoidance and avoiding embarrassing or inconveniencing others were the norm. I now live in a country where people tend to be quite opinionated, pushy and open with their criticism. I know that
"sorry, it just isn't possible"
etc. is the right way to go, but how do I modify my knee-jerk reaction of being as accommodating as possible? How to balance kindness to others with standing up for myself?
The cognitive approach (being aware of & modifying my thoughts) hasn't worked too well for me in the past, at least w/r/t depression. Visualization and mindfulness (and healthy living) have helped much more, but I'm not sure how to apply that for something like this.
posted by
Human Relations
(15 answers total)
27 users marked this as a favorite
I think the main problem here is that you are equating being a doormat with "kindness for others", so standing up to for yourself would be "cruelty to others". It's isn't a kindness to let strangers into your home to try to sell you things, and it wouldn't have been cruel to tell them no and close the door in their face.
Read "
The Gift of Fear
", it will give you permission to shut people down as the consequences of your "kindness" could potentially be very scary.
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
5 favorites
You're pretty clearly dismissing your own thoughts and feelings as irrelevant, which seems to be the heart of the issue. Why do random creepy strangers get their feelings prioritized over your own? Why does kindness to yourself not count but kindness to strangers counts a lot?
The long-term answer is to learn to be kind and accommodating to yourself first, and others second.
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
2 favorites
Firstly, you are SO not alone - don't beat yourself up for past behavior. I know, it's really hard not to, and I still struggle with an incident like your #3, but you're SO not a bad person for internalizing the messages of society. Forgive earlier you. You just need healthier patterns now for your own health and happiness.
Next, therapy is a Great step. I didn't find CBT very helpful, but longer term talk therapy that explored more around what I actually wanted (it's hard to know what you want when you're always trying to please others!) and how to stay true to that was the key. Coming to realize that other people are grown-ups and I can't fix the world for them helped, too.
Lastly, one of the things I learned in therapy was to realize that if I feel especially anxious, notice fast breathing, or catch myself thinking "oh, it's no big thing", or "I can put up with this", it's time to take a step back. Even if it's just "can you excuse me for a moment?" and going into the washroom. Decide what You need, and then if they're strangers you need to get away from, do whatever it takes - your phone example with the sweeps was actually pretty clever way a dealing in the moment - to part ways.
There's so much around self-esteem (you deserved those good marks! the other students were just being snarky and the professors are the important ones there!) and boundaries and getting so that you feel responsible for yourself and not the rest of the world. If you don't mesh well with this first therapist, try another! Or search askme for self-esteem resources. As someone who's come out infinitely happier and with better self-esteem, I can tell you that it feels great. You deserve feeling great and being good to yourself, too!
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
1 favorite
1. That is a HUGE problem, it may even be some kind of actual medical/mental issue, like color blindness or tone-deafness. I'm a gregarious person, but I have a pretty good internal alarm for when things aren't kosher. You need a professional to work with you to develop this.
2. You may never be comfortable when people are disappointed or annoyed with you, but you can learn to live with it. Tell yourself, "One of us is going to be disappointed or annoyed, and since I have the choice, it's going to be you." The more you do it, the more you'll learn to live with it.
3. Give yourself time. "Let me think about it and get back to you" should be your answer whenever anyone asks you anything.
You need to have rules for yourself that substitute for your judgement.
1. Don't talk to strangers. Since you don't seem to have an internal compass to help you figure out if a stranger is a friendly person (like me) or a nut job (like me) just smile and nod and move on.
2. Don't answer the door to people you don't know. Ever. You took too big a risk with the dudes and your chimney. I'm perfectly comfortable saying no to people. You aren't. There's no law that says you have to answer your door. Get a peephole. If it's a stranger, don't answer.
3. Don't let people say mean things to you. If someone says anything that you feel is mean, just say, "Wow, that's harsh." Then walk away.
You are skewed too far to being accomodating and I don't think it's entirely cultural. For sure, work with a therapist because you're kind of a menace to yourself.
Good luck!
posted by
Ruthless Bunny
on November 22, 2012 [
11 favorites
You can still be kind and polite while saying no. Salespeople and chimney sweeps are used to people declining. Even if you were disappointing them, it is not your responsibility to say yes when you really mean no. If you don't want to pay for a service or talk or whatever, don't. It's that simple.
Whenever salespeople come to my door (annoying because soliciting is prohibited in my neighborhood and there's a sign out front) I say "no thank you" and shut the door. Sometimes they are talking as I am shutting the door. I see it as these salespeople are inconveniencing me. I did not invite them. Practice saying no and shutting the door. My parents have a "no soliciting" sign on their front door. If you get door-to-door salespeople knocking on your door on a regular basis, you might attach one.
To the mentally ill man: Walk away.
It's okay for you to walk away from the drunk, inappropriate acquaintance. Just walk away.
A book you may be interested in:
Too Nice for Your Own Good.
posted by
on November 22, 2012
Telling (some) people to go right to hell is fun. Especially passive-aggressive people who are using the ordinary "rules" of politeness to manipulate you. They just can't believe it when you call them on this (example: I made friends with a guy who quickly demonstrated that he thought my place was going to be available for him to sleep at any time he wanted to come drink in my town from where he stays, 20 miles away. I had to get explicit about telling him that he was mistaken). It takes a while to get used to it, though, if you start (like I did) from the kind of place you describe.
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
1 favorite
I believe that example #4, up to some level, could pass. Your concern not to want the others to feel bad about their results rings plausible (to be sure, I would react differently. But that's me).
Otherwise, I believe that it could help you (as you began to do here) to write down the exact moment in every such incident where you feel that your boundaries have been crossed. Make a catalogue of these boundaries, try to refine the definition of these, and make everything into a kind of personal rulebook. What you will end up with is a concise version of your personal legitimate expectations of the world.
Say no every time anyone disregards any of the rules from your private collection. There is no reason for excuses (they're
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
1 favorite
It may also help you to reframe this as modeling behaviour for your daughter. If you are unable to make clear boundaries for yourself, you can ask yourself what reaction you'd want her to have when two men want to enter her apartment, when someone she doesn't know asks her personal questions, or when a friend of hers gets drunk and handsy.
You might also take a women's self-defense class; the good ones focus not only on physical stuff but assertiveness and boundary defense.
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
5 favorites
Honestly I wish there was a class for this.
A safe environment with a coach and other "trainees." You start by yelling, together, at the top of your lungs: "NO." "THAT IS NOT OK." "LEAVE ME ALONE." "FUCK OFF." Maybe for 5 minutes until it starts to feel sort of natural to say those things.
Then a series of exercises.
1. A coach's assistant mimes spilling ink on your clothing. You inform them it's ruined firmly ask them to cover the costs of cleaning. A few rounds of practice is ok. Then applause from coach and other trainees.
2. An assistant tries to cop a feel. You yell "What the fuck!?" Applause and positive re-enforcement.
3. An assistant asks you to loan them money. You refuse politely. They persist. You re-iterate that it's not possible, and end the conversation. Applause!
I have been thinking about this "class" for years. The whole idea would be practicing being NOT polite or ladylike in a safe environment.
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
17 favorites
Hey, I have the same problem, and it's
. The book that
The Disease to Please
might be interesting to you.
I've noticed that as I get older it's gotten a bit easier to say no, because I've experienced more instances of support and love from family and friends even when I do say no to them. Writing down some examples of times that you did enforce a boundary successfully might be a good exercise for you.
posted by
on November 22, 2012
I just found
thread because it was linked in the MeTa
cards on the table
thread. I'm reading it now, you might also find it useful.
I have some similar tendencies. Sometimes avoidance has been a great strategy for me. If someone I don't know tries to talk to me on the street or subway, I just pretend not to notice them and get away. This means I don't have to come up with a polite but firm way to say "You seem mentally unhinged and I do not wish to talk to you."
Big smile and "No, thank you" while closing the door or walking briskly away is good.
And sometimes, lying. "I can't give you my number, strange man, because I have a boyfriend."
Yes, I wish I could just tell people "You are making me uncomfortable and I am ending our interaction." And some day, I hope to get there. In the meantime, these strategies help me avoid getting into situations I don't want to be in.
Points are:
1. recognize potentially bad situation
2. make excuse if necessary
3. get away or cut off contact
Sounds like the point you need to fine-tune is #1. It's ok to stall. If someone strange shows up on your doorstep, it's ok to say "Just a second," close the door, and think for a few minutes. Or even call someone.
Might also help to think of it in these terms: who are you that people are going to be so broken-hearted if you don't talk to them?
Good luck.
posted by
on November 22, 2012
I still have a problem with 2 and 3.
1. No, thank you. Close the door. Every time. Doesn't matter how legit they may be, people come to your door to pressure you into agreeing to something that if you had the time to think about alone you probably wouldn't agree to. Don't make eye contact, don't listen to their spiel, if its not someone you were expecting, a delivery guy or a police officer say "no, thank you" and close the door. I used to be a total pushover for people like that but now I have a policy that I don't agree to anything on my doorstep, nothing they can say will change their mind so I might as well cut them off as quickly as possible so they can move on. Its not being kind to let them prattle on, wasting their time when I'm never going to agree. If they have one, I will take a pamphlet.
4. I think you did the right thing, it wasn't worth the effort to argue with them. You know the truth, don't let them bring you down to your level. Yes, it was rude of them to dismiss your accomplishments but you gain very little by correcting them and engaging with people like that is a waste of your time.
posted by
on November 22, 2012
missmagenta has it. If someone calls you at home, say no thanks, and hang up the phone. If someone knocks on your door, ignore it or give them 30 seconds of your time, then say 'no thanks' and close the door. It's just a matter of developing the habit. It gets easier the more you do it. You just need a new default response to unsolicited interactions with other people.
That doesn't mean you need to never talk to strangers, etc, you just need to be more picky about the contexts in which you will talk to strangers:
At home.
While shopping.
On public transit or while walking.
While working
etc... If people approach you in the proper context -- like at school after class, then you can be more open about listening to them. People who intrude on you when you are busy or at home, you should never give any time to.
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
1 favorite
"Oh, ah."
One of the benefits of growing up in a repressive WASP family culture was learning the power of the "Oh, ah," and other non-responses.
"Lizard people are bombarding me with polka music that foretells the heat death of the universe!"
"Oh, ah."
And other non-committal non-responses.
"The prof went easy on you because you're foreign!"
"Huh. Never thought of that."
(or a favorite of my mum's, "Well, I'll certainly keep that in mind.")
And Miss Manners (US etiquette columnist extraordinaire) has crafted the perfect answer to everything you don't want to do: "I'm sorry, that won't be possible."
"We'd like to show you how sweeping your chimney can help you save money on your heating bills!"
"I'm sorry, that won't be possible for me. Thank you."
posted by
on November 22, 2012 [
3 favorites
One of the main ways I noticed what my boundaries were and when to say no was by recognizing past events as defining my boundaries and not as an incident where I made another mistake.
Those moments in your life are examples of what your boundaries are. You're learning. You recognize it made you uncomfortable. Now visualize that moment again where you recognize your boundary in the same situation. Practice saying NO out loud. In the mirror. Around the house. As you walk around town. Make it part of your vocabulary.
Recognize that the word NO is not bad or rude. It does not need explaining or justifying. It is completely clear on its own. Other people may want to put that on you but really that is on them.
Now you apply that boundary to your life next time a situation will come up. It takes practice. You will miss some but realize this is another situation that is defining unclear boundaries for you. It's ok if you respond too harshly or late with 'no.' You're practicing what is right for you.
I also like to watch others say no, like when a waiter offers something extra on a meal. When a person is asking for money at the bus stop. I watch others say no, and note what works better and how they say it.
Once I watched this man effectively tell different people no when they wanted something from him. He said with no apology, "No. I'm not going to do that." It was straightforward, matter of fact, clear. And every single on of the people took it as final. His body language seemed to match his words. He didn't offer any explanation. I've tried that phase and it works well. I need to work on having my body language match my words because people seem to think they can still question my 'no' and it makes me have to be more firm which is so uncomfortable. But each time I get better. You will too. And these situations will lessen because you have learned a boundary and how you want to guard it. Good luck!
posted by
dog food sugar
on November 23, 2012 [
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