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Chapter One
Bella's POV
It had been a month since the Cullen's left Forks, I snapped out of my depression after Charlie threatened to send me back to Jacksonville to live with my hairbrained mother, Renee. I decided that it was time to move on with my life so what if Edward didn't love me, he told me of one coven of vampires in Italy named the Volturi, I knew that there were three Lords. Lord Aro, Lord Marcus and Lord Caius, they wrote the rules, the one was that no human should know about a vampire's exsistance. Edward and the Cullen's broke that rule, they showed me that they were vampires, I was even hunted by a vampire tracker named James.
Now I lay in bed listening to my dad, Charlie make breakfast in the kitchen. I got up and dressing quickly to go see him before he went to work. That was his family, sure he had me but he spent so much time at work that it was unhealthy.
"Morning Dad!" I said as I pranced into the kitchen. He looked up from the frying pan which held very dark bacon.
"Morning Bells, you're in a good mood." I walked over to him flipped the bacon and gave him a hug.
"Well why wouldn't I? Tomorrow I graduate, and I get to start my travelling idea that we talked about." Dad nodded
"You sure do Bells, anything to keep you happy and free from depression." I smiled meakly at him. He gave up on trying to cook the bacon so I took over and tried to revive the already blackened meat.
"I already asked Sue Clearwater if she would cook for you while I'm gone and she said that you could go over anytime you would like, since your such close friends with Harry." Dad nodded then I gave him his breakfast.
"Thanks Bella, I'm going to miss you." I choked on my glass of water, it almost sounded like he knew I wasn't ever coming back to Forks. That I would actually be in one way or another staying in Italy forevermore.
"You okay Bella?" Dad had lept up and was patting my back as I spat the water out into the sink. I nodded and wiped my mouth off on the back of my hand.
"Thanks dad, I'll miss you too." We just stood there looking a little awkward. I looked at the clock, "You better get going dad or you'll be on time." I said teasingly. He looked up at the clock and smiled,
"Only you Bella only you." He gave me a quick hug and went outside to his cop car.
It was Sunday afternoon I finished packing when I stepped on a floor board by my bed that squeeked. Dad had just done the flooring not long ago, I crouched and peeled the floor board up with my nails. Under the board was everything that reminded me of Edward and his family. I let the floor board snap back into place, it was a good place for all that stuff so I was going to leave it there hoping that when I was long gone and in Italy and Charlie had past away the house would either burn to the ground or the Cullen's would come back and Edward would check that, that stuff was still there. It would be but there would be one thing that wouldn't be there when he left. I would write letter to them hoping that they would actually find it.
I went to my desk pulled out a pen and a pad of paper, I wrote:
Dear Cullen Family;
It has been exactly one month since you left Forks. I was left here in a total state, but now I snapped out of that depression. Charlie and I have been talking more and I decied to travel the world, of course my trip only consists of one destination, Italy. I'm sure that will you miss me but by the time you will have read this I will be long gone. So much for a happy ending huh? Well it was nice knowing you;
With lots of Love
Isabella Marie Swan.
P.S. When you all left, my heart got shattered into many pieces. I'm not letting that slow me down, I'm moving on picking up the pieces as I go so I hope your happy.
I grabbed an envelope folded the letter and wrote: Cullen Family, on the front. I tucked it on top of everything else and stepped on the floor board making sure that it didn't stick up any. I went to my computer, checked my email I had one from my mom, I emailed her back then looked at the clock. Charlie would be getting home soon so I went down stairs and started to cook supper. I grabbed steaks, potatoes and vegetables, I was in the middle of peeling potatoes when Charlie came in.
"Hey Bells I'm home." He came to the kitchen, "What're you cooking?" I looked up and smiled at him.
"Sirlion steaks, potatoes, brocolie and cauliflower. I'll be making a salade too." Dad nodded took of his gun belt hung it up and washed up. He came back to the kitchen grabbed the lettuce, tomatoe, and dressing.
"This will probably be the only thing you'll let me do because it can't get burnt." I laughed and punched his shoulder playfully.
"Well that's because you don't cook salade, dad." He chuckled and we worked in silence. We didn't need words to talk, we just knew that when I was gone there was no turning back. Lots of people said I was very much like my dad. They were right, we didn't talk very much, it didn't bother us to be alone and we knew how the other one was feeling with out really asking. Dad also set table and I brought out the broiled steak, mashed potatoes and veggie mix.
"My little girl's all grown up." Charlie whispered as we sat down to eat.
"Dad I'll always be your little girl, nothing will change that." I said, he could hear the tears in my voice. The crystline tears betrayed me and slid down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry Bells I didn't mean to make you cry." I shook my head,
"No it's okay dad. I love you, and I'll miss you." We finished supper and Dad went to go shower embarressed that he actually broke down and started crying with me. I washed dishes and went to watch the game with dad. It was like a fairwell party just between the two of us and I actually really like it. I went to be that night and slept peacefully, there was no nightmares of the Cullens and for once I was glad that I didn't see Edward's face.
Chapter Two
Bella's POV
Dad actually stayed home from work saying that his little girl was graduating and he wasn't missing it for the world. That got me crying again and the make-up artist aka Angela had to cool me down before finishing my make-up.
"Bella really you have to stop crying!" She cried. I wiped my eyes and put in one headphone. "Good idea. No listening to sappy music!" I smiled and showed her the song, it was Body Body by Massari. She smiled and continued to finish.
Soon we were all standing tall and strong on the stage to recive our deploma, Jessica was in front of me and when she was called I wiped my hands on my gown I was so nervous.
"Isabella Marie Swan, please come forth and take you deploma." I walked forward and from the crowd I heard,
"That's my little girl WOOHOO!" Everyone laughed as I blushed. I blew a kiss out to the crowd since I couldn't see my dad due to the blinding lights. I recieved my deploma waited with the other graduates and threw my cap into the air whooping and halloring with the other.
"Bella you actually made it!" Mom came running over to me.
"MOM!" I hugged her, "Oh I haven't seen you in so long. How are you?" She smiled,
"Phil and I are awesome. Oh honey you look so gorgeous!" I laughed and we talked, dad came over and joined us. Something moved in the corner, I couldn't see because the lights were still too bright, at first I thought it was Edward, You idiot! It's not Edward or any of the other Cullen's they said they would never interfer with your life again, My mind screamed at me. I shook my head,
"What's wrong dear?" Mom asked I looked back and smiled.
"Nothing I thought I saw something that doesn't matter anymore." I whistfully walked with my mom and dad out the door of the hall. Phil joined us and together we went out for supper.
Mom and Phil left after supper saying that they had to get going. Dad and I on the other hand went out to the movies, we watched an action/comedy film then went home. I showered and realized that dad had fallen asleep on the couch again! I woke him and sent him to bed, I hopped into bed too and fell into a peaceful sleep.
In the morning I woke, grabbed my bags, and headed downstairs. I headed into the kitchen, I had to leave soon.
"Dad I was wondering will you do the honours of driving me to the air port in you cop car?" he smiled.
"Of course Bella." We had breakfast together, sometimes talking a little. Then it was time for me to go, dad drove me to the airport and I hugged him, squeezing hard so that he wold never forget me.
"Bye Bells." He whispered in my ear. I borded the plane and waited for it to take off.
"Please fasten you're seatbelts for we are about to take off." I buckled my seatbelt and popped in a piece of gum so that my ears wouldn't pop when we were at a high enough altitude.
"Ma'am can I get a drink?" I asked the stewardess. She went and got me a bottle of water, "Thank-you" She nodded and went to go tend to another person. I looked out the window to see beautiful green patches and blue water. I couldn't wait to get to Italy, where either I would be ended or accepted. I smiled and nodded off into a slight doze.
"Bella," Edward stood so still that for a moment I thought he was a statue. "I don't want you to do anything reckless, for Charlie's sake." I nodded tears sliding down my cheeks. I blinked and he was gone.
I woke immediately, no I wasn't heading down that road again. The reason for me going to Italy was that Edward lied to me, saying that he had loved me when in reality he never did. Well if the Volturi decided that I would make a formidable member it sure shock the Cullen's when I showed up with them. It was his choice to leave, it's only right that you choose what you want to do...or be my mind crooned softly. I smiled pulled out my Ipod Touch and listened to my music while the day faded into night. What I didn't see two rows back from my seat was the dark hooded figure watching me.
Views: 1806
The baby is Bella's and Alec's the father Omg!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey I'm glad you liked the chapter... So here's the next one!
Chapter Eight (Part One)
Bella's POV
I couldn't find anyone as I walked around the castle, it was darker in some of the corridors so I couldn't see as well which was going to be a problem due to my lack of balance. As I passed a real dark corridor I tripped over my feet landing on the hard cobble stone floor with a nasty thud. I blinked and Alec was at my side in a second,
"Mia Bella are you alright?" He asked picking me up gently.
"I'm fine..." My voice trailed off, my heartbeat picking up, I took a deep breath trying to calm the fluttering little thing but it didn't work. Alec smiled down at me,
"Are you nervous again?" He purred gently in my ear. I looked up at him shaking my head,
"I-I... ... ... ..." I didn't have anything to say, I was lost in his eyes. He leaned in but stopped and pulled away sighing softly.
"Alec is Bella alright son?" Lord Marcus came gliding perfectly into the corridor.
"Yes my Lord she is." He set me on my feet almost reluctantly. Lord Marcus smiled at me and Alec then continued on down the darkened corridor. "Bella you look tired you may sleep in my chamber tonight since you actually do sleep." I swallowed,
"Are you sure Alec, I don't want to cause you any trouble at all!" He covered my mouth with his hand.
"I mean it mia Bella." I nodded and he led me down to his room. "Here change into this, most girls do sleep in guys oversized tee shirts right?" I smiled as he tossed me one of his shirts.
"Yeah some do, like me..." He left while I changed and when I was done he came back in. He went to the couch and took the cushions off extending it into a bed. I was impressed, although not really surprised, Alec probably had many girlfriends before he even met me. I looked down at the floor, I was NOT going to think about that, not now at least.
"Bella you can get in now." Alec said, I looked up and was surprised that the bed was fully made and everything! I climbed under the blankets and was surrounded by Alec's scent. He went to the door and I was suddenly afraid to be alone.
"Alec!" He looked up when I called his name, "Can you stay in here with me? I mean you don't have to but, I'd feel so much better and I have these nightmares at night that wake me up screaming." I was rambling, Alec walked back over to me.
"I will stay mia Bella if it makes you feel better." He sat in a chair over by his desk. I kept my eyes open fighting the fatigue that was trying to overwhelm me. "Yes Bella?" Alec asked looking up at me. I didn't say anything I didn't know how to ask him. He sighed softly looking at me with soft eyes,
"Move over a little bit." I did and he climbed in with me laying beside me with his book beside him, I lay on my side facing him. "That better?" I nodded and smiled sleepily, I wiggled over to him and lay my head on his chest. I couldn't hear his heart beat and I knew that I never would but it didn't matter, I smiled softly as I drifted to sleep laying there with Alec who was already reading his book.
awwwwww this is awsome :)
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About the Libraries: Libraries and Centers: John Cotton Dana Library
Description of Collection
The Dana Library supports all undergraduate and graduate programs offered on the Newark Campus (excluding law) with an emphasis on business, management, and nursing.
The library has a collection of over 600,000 volumes (including approximately 300,000 books, 100,000 bound periodicals, and 200,000 federal and state publications) as well as more than 600,000 pieces of microform and 15,000 audiovisual items.
As part of the Rutgers University Libraries, the Dana Library has access to several thousand electronic books as well as more than 30,000 electronic journals in all academic disciplines. The library has been a federal depository since 1966 and currently selects and acquires approximately 50% of the U.S. government publications issued by the Government Printing Office.
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text: Explore Oslo's boroughs Find your favourite among the very different parts of Oslo. Grünerløkka There's a café or shop on every corner in this former working class area. Holmenkollen Outdoor activities and skiing in the historic Holmenkollen. City centre In the centre of Oslo there is always something to see and do. Bygdøy Walking trails and famous museums, just a short boat trip from the city centre. Aker Brygge and Tjuvholmen Enjoy the good life along the harbour. Oslo West Oslo West: exclusive and venerable. Oslo East Lively urban streets and ruins of medieval Oslo. Oslo Fjord Relax on the beach or dive into the Oslo Fjord.


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Andrew Berry
- Government Shutdown 2013: Celebrity Twitter Reaction
October 01 2013 5:29 PM
Celebrities took to Twitter to voice their reactions to the federal government shutdown. They were not pleased.
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October 01 2013 2:59 PM
Nathan Verhelst, born Nancy, was euthanized in Belgium after experiencing "unbearable psychological suffering" due to his sex-change operation.
- Boy, 8, Suspended From School For Using Finger As Fake Gun
October 01 2013 1:47 PM
Jordan Bennett, an eight-year-old boy in Central Florida, was suspended from school after using his thumb and index fingers to simulate a gun while playing with friends.
- 6-Year-Old Transgender Girl Legally Changes Her Identity
September 27 2013 8:25 PM
Lulu, a 6-year-old transgender girl born as a boy named Manuel, legally changed her identity under Argentina's Gender Identity Law.
- Scientists Call For New Message From Humanity On NASA Spacecraft
September 27 2013 7:08 PM
A team of scientists, engineers and others are pushing for a crowdsourced message from humanity to be uploaded aboard NASA's New Horizons spacecraft.
- FAA Close To Easing Restrictions On Electronic Devices
September 27 2013 6:06 PM
An FAA advisory committee is recommending passengers be allowed to use smartphones, tablets and e-readers during takeoffs and landings.
- KKK To Hold Rally At Gettysburg National Military Park
September 27 2013 3:41 PM
The KKK has been granted a permit by the National Park Service to hold a rally at the site of the Battle of Gettysburg.
- Airline Pilot Dies After Suffering Heart Attack Mid-Flight
September 27 2013 1:28 PM
The captain of a United Airlines flight from Houston to Seattle suffered a heart attack mid-flight and died after the plane made an emergency landing in Boise.
- London Teen Arrested In 'World's Biggest Cyber Attack'
September 26 2013 7:46 PM
A teenager in London was arrested in the DDoS cyber attack on Spamhaus, called the world's biggest ever.
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September 26 2013 5:56 PM
Scientists at the University of Aberdeen are investigating whether or not shark antibodies could prevent cancer cells from growing in humans.
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September 26 2013 4:46 PM
West Virginia University was named the top party school in the U.S. by Playboy Magazine, claiming the "honor" for the first time.
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September 26 2013 2:35 PM
Shellie Zimmerman told "Today" show host Matt Lauer that she now questions her estranged husband's claims of self-defense in the Trayvon Martin shooting.
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September 25 2013 8:20 PM
A Chicago Teenager faces gun charges after he brought a 9mm handgun to school. His mother says it was for protection against area gangs.
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September 25 2013 6:37 PM
Stephanie Smith, a reporter for the New York Post's Page Six, has to make 300 sandwiches for her boyfriend so that he will propose to her.
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The Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project finds that 15 percent of American Adults are still offline.
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The Israeli embassy in Washington tweeted a link to a picture of a fake LinkedIn Profile, mocking Iranian President Hassan Rouhani.
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The NCAA agreed to lessen some of the penalties levied against Penn State for the Jerry Sandusky scandal.
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VOLUNTEERE'rootha has an endless number of volunteer opportunities and thrives on youth leadership.
DONATEHelp keep us going!
100% of donations are used to improve E'rootha's programs.
EVENTSE'rootha hosts numerous fundraising and cultural events each year.
E-SHOPSupport E'rootha by visiting our online store, where we feature many E'rootha memorabilia.
E'rootha mission statement
E'rootha, the Chaldean Assyrian Syriac Youth Union, through cultural awareness, community service and education, is dedicated to promoting the well-being of our community for the betterment of society.
Youth Refugee mentoring program:
The Youth Refugee Mentoring Program involves helping middle school students with reading and homework assignments in a one-on-one style between leader and student.
The program is currently looking for volunteers for our 2014 program beginning in January running through June! Sessions are Wednesdays at Jeannette Junior High from 3:00-4:30 p.m. and at INVEST Thursdays from 2:00-3:15 p.m. Please click the link below for more information regarding this program.
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Are you interested in learning the traditional Chaldean, Assyrian, Syriac dances? Wish you could do the Khigga at weddings, but are afraid that your dancing skills will make you stand out for all the wrong reasons? E'rootha wants to help! Sign up for E'rootha's Beginners dance classes to learn basic folk dances. We break down all the dances, step by step, focusing on proper footwork and shoulder movements. After completion of the Beginners course, you will be given the opportunity to sign up for more advanced courses. Sign up today! CLASSES NOW AVAILABLE FOR JANUARY 2014!!!
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The Evening of The Arts is an annual program put on by E'rootha to showcase and bring together Chaldean visual and performing artists in a fun and dynamic show. This show provides awareness to the arts and helps to support the mission, vision, and values of E'rootha.
We would like to thank all the artists and sponsors for making the 2013 show this year a huge success! We would not be able to put on this event without you!
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This recipe is amazing!! I have shared it with as many people as I can. We use it with high quality steaks. We've tried it on Chicken and low quality steaks and it isn't as good.
Plum Creek Cellars Grilled Tenderloin
Notes: Buffalo tenderloin, which can be pricey, is the preference of Doug Phillips, co-owner of Plum Creek Cellars; order it at least 1 week ahead from a meat market. But beef also works quite well. If making the sauce up to 3 weeks ahead, cover and chill.
Yield: Makes 8 servings
More From Sunset
Nutritional Information
Amount per serving
- Calories: 334
- Calories from fat: 35%
- Protein: 37g
- Fat: 13g
- Saturated fat: 4.8g
- Carbohydrate: 16g
- Fiber: 0.3g
- Sodium: 503mg
- Cholesterol: 107mg
- 3/4 cup apple cider vinegar
- 1/3 cup firmly packed brown sugar
- 1/3 cup dry red wine such as Merlot or Cabernet Sauvignon
- 1/3 cup catsup
- 1/4 cup Worcestershire
- 1/4 cup minced onion
- 1 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
- 2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary leaves or 1 teaspoon dried rosemary
- 1 1/2 tablespoons hot sauce
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon pepper
- 8 beef tenderloin steaks (2 in. thick; about 4 lb. total), fat-trimmed
- 1. In a 2- to 3-quart pan, combine vinegar, sugar, wine, catsup, Worcestershire, onion, cornstarch, rosemary, hot sauce, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and pepper. Stir over high heat until boiling, about 2 minutes. Let marinade cool, or to chill quickly, nest pan in a bowl of ice water and stir until cold, about 5 minutes.
- 2. Rinse steaks, pat dry, and put in a 1-gallon heavy plastic food bag. Pour marinade into bag, seal, and rotate to mix well. Chill at least 1 hour or up to 1 day.
- 3. Lightly oil a barbecue grill over a solid bed of hot coals or gas grill on high heat (you can hold your hand at grill level only 2 to 3 seconds). Lift steaks from marinade and lay on grill. Close lid on gas grill. Pour marinade into a 1- to 1 1/2-quart pan.
- 4. Turn steaks every 2 to 3 minutes to brown evenly, basting with marinade up until 2 minutes before meat is cooked to desired doneness, 10 to 12 minutes for rare (cut to test). Stir marinade in pan (on grill or over high heat) until boiling. Spoon sauce onto steaks; season to taste with salt.
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Plum Creek Cellars Grilled Tenderloin Recipe at a Glance
- COURSE: Main Dishes
- CONVENIENCE: Entertaining, Make-Ahead
- CUISINE: American
- MAIN INGREDIENT: Beef
- COOKING METHOD: Grill, Marinate
- PUBLICATION: Sunset
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If We Must Die
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Quote #1
If we must die, let it not be like hogs (1)
The speaker sees no alternative to death, like surrender or escape. This is a very desperate situation.
Quote #2
Making their mock at our accursed lot. (4)
The speaker sees this death as heroic, because death has been handed to him by chance or destiny.
Quote #3
If we must die, O let us nobly die, (5)
These phrases put two opposite feelings together: powerlessness and powerfulness.


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7255 Guider Drive, Woodbury MN 55125


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Scott Spits
Online sports editor for The Age. Began his full-time career at The Age as an online sports reporter in 1999 before joining Sportal as the Deputy Editor of the AFL-Telstra online network in 2002. Rejoined the online desk at The Age in 2006. Has covered the Sydney Olympics, numerous Australian Open tennis tournaments and several AFL grand finals. Reads the back page first. Hack golfer. Wannabe tennis star.
Scott gunning to end Guyatt's dream run
Scott Spits WITH one headliner only narrowly avoiding the cut, another treading water, and the other breathing down their necks, two late-blooming, multi-talented sportsmen will re-acquaint in the leader group...
Live updates: Australian Masters final round
Scott Spits It's all about the last pairing on the final day of the Australian Masters at Kingston Heath. Defending champion Ian Poulter and Australian world No.
Live coverage: Presidents Cup golf day one
Edited by Scott Spits Melbourne has turned on a beautiful day for the opening day's play of the 2011 Presidents Cup. Royal Melbourne Golf Club, in Melbourne's sandbelt, is playing host to the prestigious golf event,...
Live coverage: Presidents Cup day two
Edited by Scott Spits The Presidents Cup had a touch of everything on day one at Royal Melbourne. Brilliant sunny Melbourne weather, another close encounter between Tiger Woods and former caddie Steve Williams, large...
Live coverage: Presidents Cup golf day four
Edited by Scott Spits The International team must reverse history if it is to win the Presidents Cup today.


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Secrets behind the hottest Oscars hair and makeup
Angelina Jolie, 2012
"We wanted to balance Angelina's makeup with her elegant Atelier Versace dress," makeup artist Toni Garavaglia told InStyle.com. "We decided that a red lip paired with a soft, clean smoky eye was the way to go." Garavaglia lightly applied Jolie's eye shadow, added a dash of liquid liner, then pulled the entire look together with a generous sweep of MAC's Russian Red lipstick, a true cherry with blue undertones.
Jennifer Lawrence, 2011
Jennifer Lawrence had an expert glam squad for her Oscars outing: Dove hairstylist Mark Townsend and Avon makeup artist Jillian Dempsey. "Jennifer looked in the mirror after she put on her dress and said, 'Mark and Jillian went to work today!'" Townsend, who was inspired by ad campaign images of the '70s and '80s, told us. "She was so pleased with her look." Dempsey accentuated Lawrence's fresh and natural beauty. "Her eyes were the focal point," Dempsey said. "I played them up with lots of mascara and sultry black liner." (A sweep of Avon Eyeshadow Quad in Blushing Raisins on her lid had a sculpting effect.)
Kristen Wiig, 2012
Nominee Kristen Wiig added sunny, blond highlights to her mane pre-awards show, thanks to Amy Huson at Marie Robinson Salon in New York City. "When Kristen walked into the room and I saw her gorgeous new hair color I was so inspired," said hairstylist Mark Townsend, who created her style for the big night. Townsend told InStyle.com that he gave Wiig an "edgy wave" by wrapping sections of hair around a 1-1/2 inch curling iron. He raked two pumps of Dove Style + Care Frizz Free Shine Cream Serum through the waves to break them up and add shine and hold. As to why he opted for such a low-key look on such a high-wattage night? "Kristen is gorgeous and sexy. We didn't want her to look overly done. We wanted her true personality to stand out," he said.
Jessica Chastain, 2012
Delicate layers framed Jessica Chastain's face; soft, piecey waves tumbled down her back. "I wanted the whole look to have an easy, romantic feel with a slight, sexy bump in the crown," Suave Professionals hairstylist Jenny Cho told us.
Michelle Williams, 2012
Best Actress nominee Michelle Williams paired her burnt orange Louis Vuitton dress with a perfect peony-toned lipstick. "My inspiration was a flower!" Chanel makeup artist Angela Levin told us of creating Williams's look. "Michelle looked so gorgeous and delicate in her dress, it made me think of a rose I have in my garden in that very same color." Levin blended Chanel Rouge Coco Lip Colour in Paradis, a French rose color, and Destinee, an amaranth tone, together to create the unique lipstick shade.
Sandra Bullock, 2012
This ponytail was a triple threat: extra-high, extra-glossy, and extra-long. "I wanted to showcase Sandra's long, shiny, and natural mocha brown hair," hairstylist David Babaii told us. A few drops of his new Miracle Oil Hair Elixir were the shine-boosting secret ingredient.
Hailee Steinfeld, 2011
According to Suave Professionals hairstylist Jenny Cho, who created the style, the diamond Fred Leighton headband was the starting point for the nominee's entire look. "It made Hailee feel perfectly young, precious and graceful," said Cho. As for the high, chunky bun, Cho wanted Steinfeld to look one part Audrey Hepburn, one part ballerina. Mission accomplished!
Stacy Keibler, 2012
Stacy Keibler's loose blond waves stayed on one shoulder thanks to a neat roll along the back of her neck. "I wanted to create a look that was soft and glamorous," Couture Colour hairstylist Peter Savic told us.
Amy Adams, 2011
Sometimes beauty trumps fashion! "We decide her hair would look like this no matter what dress she wore," hairstylist Laini Reeves said of Amy Adams's Veronica Lake curls. Working a few drops of Couture Colour Pequi Oil into damp hair gave the actress's strands that "luxurious, rich feel." Reeves then set the head in 1-1/2 inch rollers, allowed the hair to dry, and brushed through the waves with soft bristle brush.
Gwyneth Paltrow, 2012
"I loved the shape of Gwyneth's dress and wanted to mimic the architectural lines in the hair," Frederic Fekkai hairstylist Adir Abergel told us of the star's low ponytail. "I wanted it to have a mirror-finish."


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Why do we reincarnate?
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 73
The only introspective commentary about reincarnation that ever resonated with me was what I read in "A Course In Miracles," which simply stated:
"If you feel it is helpful to your spiritual development to believe in reincarnation, then belive in it. If you don't find it particularly helpful, don't believe in it." That says it all to me. If it helps your spiritual path, use it. If not, then you are not obligated to believe in reincarnation.
All of the unprovable talk, talk, talk about reincarnation that I have read or heard in my life was just way too "pat." Too simple an explanation. To easy a way out. It never resonated with me. I do not think every deja vu feeling is "proof" of reincarnation. I believe that the vast energy field of everything perceived and unperceived, known and not known, is beyond our human comprehension. I hope, I HOPE I'll find out when I get there.
Humans, just stop killing everything in your path. Every animal, every insect, every plant, every grain of soil. And you'll be much better off.
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Neely Snyder
Operations Manager
Neely Snyder is Anishinaabe. She is an enrolled member of the St. Croix Chippewa Tribe and is also a direct descendant of the Red Lake Nation and the Mille Lacs Band of Ojibwe. Neely is currently pursuing a Bachelor's of Science degree in Media Business and holds an Associate's degree in Multimedia Computer Graphics. She's a Circle of Leaders graduate from Native Americans in Philanthropy, where she was previously the Program & Office Coordinator. Prior to joining AICAF, Neely was Program Coordinator of the MN Urban Area Health Education Center (AHEC) working in collaboration with the University of Minnesota in preparing underrepresented urban communities for health professions.
Neely has a passion and commitment to working with and for Native American communities and brings a wealth of skills and experience in non-profit management of the administrative, financial, and human resource functions of the American Indian Cancer Foundation.


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Showing 1-41 of 41 items found in Events
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Gallery of Trees
Throughout the Kankakee County Museum, Christmas trees are decorated by community organizations. Yearly, a special theme is added for your enjoyment. Come in and view the different arrangements and vote for that special tree.
CITY: Kankakee
Manteno Oktoberfest
Family fun for all ages! Manteno goes all out for this annual fest that features live music, games, crafts, food vendors and a lighted parade. The whole town joins in with city wide garage sales, contests, a 5K run and fabulous fall decorations throughout.
CITY: Manteno
Lansing Autumn Festival
The annual three-day Lansing Autumn Fest returns for its 3rd year. The family friendly event includes musical entertainment, food vendors, vendor Market Place and craft fair, vintage baseball game, kids zone with second entertainment stage and kids games, chili cook-off, military recognition day, pancake breakfast, 5K Hero Walk/Run, $10,000 Pumpkin Cash Raffle. For more information or to be a sponsor or vendor, visit lansingautumfest.org or call 708-646-5606.
CITY: Lansing
Kankakee County Speedway
Fun-filled racing action roars through Kankakee County on Friday nights. The Kankakee Motor Speedway hosts seasonal stock car racing, including UMP Late Models, UMP Modified, UMP Street Stocks and the I-Mods.
CITY: Kankakee
Bradley Lighted Christmas Parade
The Bradley Christmas Fantasy Parade includes a festive Winter Wonderland that features vendors, carolers, storytellers, games and visits with Santa.
CITY: Bradley
Grant Park Oktoberfest
For a memorable week-end, join in the fun at the "Spooktacula" for great food, craft show, carnival, games and music. Be sure you don't miss the lighted parade on Saturday and the fireworks following the parade.
CITY: Grant Park
Artisan Faire
You will see many hand crafted items made by the creative minds of the artists that made all of these beautiful items. Original art work will include water color and oil paintings, blown and fused glass creations, woodworking, jewelry, hand knits, porcelain paintings and other media.
CITY: Kankakee
Gun & Sport Show
Showcasing local and regional vendors, the Gun and Sport Show at the Kankakee County Fair Grounds has something for everyone. Whether you are a seasoned collector or just want to view the vintage militia items, this is a must see. This is held several times a year, so be sure to check www.visitkankakeecounty.com for future dates.
CITY: Kankakee
Autumn Splendor Quilt Show
Over 400 quilts will be on display. There will be a silent auction, also quilt vendors and food concessions are available. Quilt raffle tickets will be sold at the door for the drawing on Sunday at 4 p.m.
CITY: Kankakee
2015 U.S. Amateur Championship
The U.S. Amateur is the premier amateur golf championship for players from around the world. Past winners include Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Tiger Woods
CITY: Olympia Fields
North American Reptile Breeders
These shows are the best places for the general public and breeders alike to come out and meet many of the World's top Reptile Breeders. Reptile breeders bring out their top projects and showcase them at the NARBC Shows.
CITY: Tinley Park
Fall Juried Exhibit
Fiber based works from all over the nation will be exhibited.
CITY: Chicago Heights
Downtown Tinley Boo Bash
Dress up and head out to the Downtown Tinley Halloween Boo Bash. Enjoy costume parade, trick-or-treating, games, prizes, snacks, food and refreshments available.
CITY: Tinley Park
Annual Pumpkin Festival
Celebrate the harvest season this fall at Sgt. Means Park for their largest event of the year, the Annual Pumpkin Festival! Enjoy hayrides, face painting, a corn maze, a pumpkin patch, and much more! This event is loaded with great activities and tons of family fun. You won't want to miss it!
CITY: Olympia Fields
Manteno Oktoberfest
Come celebrate Fall at the Manteno Oktoberfest. Attractions include a carnival, craft show, car & motorcycle show, food, beer tent with live entertainment and much, much, more!!
CITY: Manteno
National Public Lands Day
National Public Lands Day is an annual nation-wide event to raise awareness of the value of our public lands, e.g. nature preserves, parks, forests, etc. as an environmental refuge, an economic resources and recreational paradise. Getting people out into their public lands helps them understand their importance in their community and the environment as a whole.
CITY: Markham
Odyssey Fun Farm
Features a corn maize, pumpkin patch, petting zoo, pig races, corn cannons, hay rides, zip line and much more! Nighttime attractions include a zombie safari ride and nighttime flashlight corn maize.
CITY: Tinley Park
Halloween Haunting
Family fun! Music, kids, entertainment, crafts, inflatables, fun fair games, crafts & a pumpkin patch. Family fun entertainment, come and enjoy with friends and family!
CITY: Frankfort
Christmas Past
Celebrate the winter holidays in the traditional way. Holiday decorations, gifts, games, and historic reenactments come alive in our reproduction log cabins.
CITY: South Holland
Festival of Arts & Crafts Shows
The quality, uniqueness and originality of the artists and crafters brings the customers back year after year!
CITY: Tinley Park
South Suburban Art Scene Progressive Art Brunch
This tour will feature four wonderful exhibitions at each of the four listed venues, a consortium of exhibition spaces in the Southland area. Each venue will serve yummy refreshments on the brunch tour.
CITY: Chicago Heights
Works in varied media by artisits Reginald Baylor, Mary Croteau and Jordan Scott, using obsessive labor in their production. Artists reception Feb 19, 4:30-7pm.
CITY: Chicago Heights
Weavings & DiversitieS
The Weavers Guild South welcomes men and women at various levels of weaving interests and skills. Its purpose is to create a supportive environment that nurtures creativity and individuality in fiber arts.
CITY: Flossmoor
Original Quilt & Sewing Expo
Experience seminars, hands-on workshops and an exhibit hall bursting with industry vendors and beautiful quilts!
CITY: Tinley Park
Suite Prints: 25th Years of chicago Printmakers Collaborative
This exhibition features the works of 10 artists from this 25 year old collaborative.
CITY: Chicago Heights
Annual Settlers' Day
Learn about our heritage! Visit with costumed living history demonstrators representing American history from French fur trading days, pioneer times, and the Revolutionary and Civil War periods. Activities include an imaginary wagon trail, guided history hikes, crafts and more!
CITY: South Holland
Family and Friends Weekend
We invite you to join us for GSU's Family and Friends Weekend. The weekend presents an important opportunity for families and friends to share firsthand the GSU campus experience.
CITY: University Park
Thorn Creek Garlic Fest
Celebrate the wonders of the garlic bulb and the world of organic growing. Come taste different varieties of garlic, and gather information on garlic, its uses, planting techniques, organic gardening and garlic cooking. All garlic is organically grown on Thorn Creek's Historic Farm and many refreshments include organic garlic in them! Enjoy demonstrations on garlic preparation and try your hand at garlic braiding. Organic garlic bulbs of more than 30 varieties will be for sale. Parking is located in the field across from Thorn Creek Nature Center. Bring the entire family out for a day of fun. This program is mainly held indoors in an accessible facility and may include hiking for approximately 2 miles on natural surface trails across uneven terrain. Registration is not required. For information, visit ReconnectWithNature.org.
CITY: Park Forest
Village of Homewood Pop Up Shops
Two dozen new retail options will open this holiday shopping season in downtown Homewood! Home goods, entertaining and gift giving needs, antiques, jewelry and accessories!
CITY: Homewood
21st Annual Holiday Craft & Vendor Show
There will be a diverse selection of crafters and vendors. Great way to start your holiday shopping!
CITY: Frankfort
Morning Bird Hikes
Join us on our series of morning bird hikes as we explore the woods of Goodenow Grove Nature Preserve in search of late migrants and winter residents. Each month will focus on a different bird group. Bring your binoculars and favorite bird field guide. Participants will enjoy a hike on natural surface trails across uneven terrain. Come dressed for the weather. Indoor viewing of birds is possible after the program or in unfavorable weather conditions. Registration required: 708.946.2216. For information, visit ReconnectWithNature.org
CITY: Beecher
16th Annual Spring Craft & Vendor Show
A diverse selection of crafters and vendors. Wonderful spring items and Mother's Day gifts!
CITY: Frankfort
Holiday Happenings in Downtown Tinley
Holiday celebration inside large heated tent featuring entertainment, tasty treats, gift vendors, kid's crafts, carriage rides, children's rides, ice carving, visit with Santa and more.
CITY: Tinley Park
Chocolate Fest
Calling all chocolate lovers! Taste the finest chocolates from exclusive confectioners. Participate in the bake off, judges will determine who has the best chocolate recipe!
CITY: Homewood
Holiday Happenings
Holiday activities throughout the village; lunch with Santa; children's activities; trolley rides; craft and bake sales; performing groups; living nativity; evening light parade; pancake breakfast.
CITY: Thornton
Holiday Open House
Visits with Santa; performing groups; music and caroling; holiday cookies, punch, coffee; visit the museum which is decorated for the holidays.
CITY: Thornton
Recycle Your Bicycle
Practice environmental stewardship while helping others. Monee Reservoir will collect bicycles to be given to local recycling centers that refurbish them for youth or individuals with disabilities. Bikes can be in any condition: brand new or beyond repair. Be green – reduce, reuse, recycle! Let the Forest Preserve be an avenue to make that happen, especially to benefit someone in need. Registration is not required. For information, visit ReconnectWithNature.org.
CITY: Monee
Prairie State College Jazz Festival
An annual two day festival including a concert featuring top jazz artists and two days of instrumental clinics for local junior high and high school musicians.
CITY: Chicago Heights
Oktoberfest at Hailstorm Brewing
Oktoberfest celebration, tickets include German food by Check Klaus, 1/2 liter of Oktoberfest beer and live music. Tickets available at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/850704 12-8PM.
CITY: Tinley Park
Celebrate Autumn Hike
Enjoy the beauty of the fall season at Goodenow Grove Nature Preserve. Explore the autumn splendor while hiking and learning about the reasons for the seasons. We will have activities for the whole family. Plus, get those creative juices flowing with a craft that will be worthy to hang on the fridge. Dress for the weather because this program will take place outdoors on uneven trails before returning to the Nature Center. Registration required: 708.946.2216. For information, visit ReconnectWithNature,org.
CITY: Beecher
Haunted Trail
Come out for an enjoyable night of spooks and fun with the family. Activities include a scary walk through our haunted trail followed by face painting, pumpkin picking, crafts, and a trick or treat lane. Dusk-10PM
CITY: Markham
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Advanced Search
This collection from the South Caroliniana Library consists primarily of the Civil War letters of Edward Laight Wells, discussing the mood in Charleston during the secession crisis in 1860, fighting with the Hampton's Legion 1864-1865, and the immediate aftermath of the war. Other letters are from Eliza Carolina Middleton Huger Smith discussing the health and welfare of her family during the war. Also included are quotations, autographs, Confederate notes, poetry, recipes, genealogical information and newspaper clippings.
This small collection of letters written by U.S. Secretary of the Navy Paul Hamilton (1762-1816) documents concerns and developments during the months preceding the War of 1812.
View the Collection
The Richard Furman and James C. Furman collection contains over 750 letters and 18 sermons of Richard Furman (1755-1825), the namesake of Furman University and his son, James Clement Furman (1809-1891), the University's first president who served from 1859-1879.
Dixie Walker dedicated his life and career to intercultural understanding and he utilized his knowledge of East Asia in his work at home and abroad. He taught in numerous prestigious institutions as a professor of international studies before joining the faculty of the University of South Carolina in 1957. He founded the Institute of International Studies at USC in 1961.
In 2011 Robert B. Ariail donated an extraordinary collection of historical astronomy to the University of South Carolina and the South Carolina State Museum. Over the past half-century, Mr. Ariail built a collection that encompassed both historic telescopes and astronomical instruments, now at the State Museum, and more than 5,000 rare books and other published items, now housed in the University's Irvin Department of Rare Books & Special Collections.
This travel journal was originally conceived of as a way to assist the friends of Baltimore merchant Robert Gilmor in their future travels, with information about mileage and taverns along various routes. The narrative follows Gilmor's journey from Maryland to South Carolina, with locations mentioned along the way including Richmond, Va., Raleigh, N.C., and Camden and Stateburg, S.C.
Over the course of his twenty year career in South Carolina politics, including an unprecedented six years as governor, Robert McNair led South Carolina in an era of prosperity and carefully guided the Palmetto State through the turbulent 1960s, a period of profound social upheaval and change.
Samuel Lander, Jr. was born in Lincolnton, North Carolina, of Irish parents who had immigrated to America in 1818. He devoted his life to education and the ministry. He graduated as valedictorian from Randolph-Macon College (then in Boydton, VA) in 1852. For a short time he practiced civil engineering and studied law. In December of 1853 he married Laura Ann McPherson.


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Ask the Readers: How to Cope with Socially Obligated Spending?
Published on - June 27th, 2008 (by J.D. Roth)
Allen recently attended a family wedding that put a hole in his budget. He wonders how to cope with societal pressure to spend:
How do you deal with social situations where you have to spend? I just had to spend $300 to go to a cousin's wedding. I couldn't not go — it's family. But I couldn't get in wearing what I own, because it wasn't "good enough" and I couldn't just go rent something because:
- It wasn't that much cheaper, really.
- I only found out the day of the wedding that my clothes were not "good enough" to even get in to where the wedding was held.
These sorts of situations are awkward. What's the best way to handle them?
This question goes beyond the common problem where you feel pressured to have a drink after work, which we've covered before. Allen's question is more about deeply-ingrained societal obligations to spend, like weddings, graduations, birthdays, and anniversaries.
His specific example involves big numbers, but these sorts of things occur more frequently on a smaller scale: the endless cycle of children's birthday parties, passing the envelope at the office, school fundraisers, your sister-in-law's candle party. Last month, Betsy Teutsch shared a guest post about wedding registries that touched on similar emotions.
What can you do when placed in these situations, especially if money is tight? Can you simply say, "I can't afford it. I can't come."? Can you budget for social obligations? Or is it best to believe that things will "come out in the wash" eventually — that one day it'll be you hosting a child's birthday party, hosting a tupperware party, or asking guests to wear fancy clothes to a wedding?
This article is about Ask the Readers, Real-Life
Two friends of mine got married recently. A grandmother helped them out– she offered to subsidize guests. I couldn't go for time reasons, but they would have contributed some money toward the significant travel costs.
My family is not your family, my place in my family is not your place in yours. At this 24-year-old student point, it is perfectly fine to say, "I'm sorry, I wish I could be there, but money's tight right now," as long as you do it early enough. Afterward, if someone helps pay, maybe mention to people that you thought the venue was a little demanding… or show up in your best clothes, be turned away, and make it the family's problem that the venue doesn't think you're good enough. It's possible that the couple wasn't aware that they required a higher standard than their relatives had in their closets… and if they knew you'd have to spend a lot of money you don't have, and did it anyway, why go to the wedding?
Again, this is 24-yr-old-student advice. The only wedding I've paid for was last year, and I was the only relative of my generation that paid her own plane fare. If the venue folks had said, "Oh, I'm sorry, you are dressed too informally," as I walked in, they would have had to deal with a lot of pissed-off relatives.
I'm definitely on the side of declining because it's too expensive. Send a card that explains it if you feel guilty, but asking someone to spend $300 just for your big day is rediculous.
I have to agree with chad on this topic $300 is just to much, I would have sent a $100 gift card and saved myself the difference. If it had been mentioned earlier or in the invite what the dress requirements was then that might be a little different.
I would just avoid having a family or friends. It's much less expensive that way.
Otherwise, use the local thrift store to outfit yourself for the occasion. You can donate the clothes afterward.
I always thought it was stupid to buy an expensive dress to wear once then put in a box in the attic.
I cannot for the life of me imagine requiring someone to spend $300 to be part of my wedding, let alone attend my wedding. I think that if I was close enough to someone to be required to go to the wedding, I would be close enough to upbraid them for selfish choices with no consideration for others. A simple note declining should be sufficient, and this bridezilla nonsense needs to addressed.
Unless it was an immediate family member (like my sister), I would have just said — hey, sorry, but it's too much. I just can't go. That's when you send them cash with your RSVP "no" (obviously, only what you could afford). And if it was someone as close to me as my sister or mother or father, then I'd expect them to help me attend the wedding if I was financially unable to.
I'm planning a wedding soon and unfortunately I know a lot of guests will be unable to attend, as it's just far enough they won't want to spend that much in gasoline. (Of course this is also a good thing because we could not afford them all anyway)
Wear your Sunday best to that venue and see what happens, just don't be an ass about it. Or find a consignment store or something a little nicer than a thrift store, you could probably dress very nicely that way without spending the big bucks.
When I had my wedding I wasn't expecting a lot of my family to show up because of the fact that most of them would have to fly. I have a HUGE family and there are lots of times when people just can't make it or afford to fly these days. I bet a simple "I just don't have the funds right now" with maybe a white lie of "I don't have that much vacation time built up yet at my job." should be enough to cover most family members.
But there will always be that ONE person who makes a stink about it. My mom and I have barely spoken to her sister for the last 4 years because my aunt was SO angry that I couldn't find a way to scrounge up airfare from FL to MN, rent a car to get to the little town 3 hours away, pay for gas, get a hotel room in the bigger little town an hour away, cancel my vacation back to see my immediate family later in the year that I had been pinching pennies to do in the first place, and get time off from my 3 month old job to come to her last minute wedding.
Honestly I think you can look at the amount of money that the couple makes to get your guess on how they will react. If they make a ton of money, have a over the top venue, and expect you to pay a ton just to get there and dress for it – then unfortunately, they are probably going to be the ones the most disappointed that you didn't come.
The laid back, easy, inexpensive wedding couple probably know more about their finances and are probably frugal like you and are willing to be more forgiving!
Stop caring what other people think. It's that simple. It frees up your life (and money) in spectacular ways.
Perhaps the greatest money saving feat I ever accomplished was to convince my good friend NOT to have his wedding in Europe and force everyone in the wedding party (me included) to come along. That would have been the ultimate in socially obligated spending, and just plain inconsiderate really.
To me it's about why you are saving. If you have a minimum-wage job and you are trying to kill an albatross of a debt that has ruined your life for the last five years — by all means decline. If you have a decent job and savings, or are well on the path to same, and you basically just like saving money and dislike the expense, well, that's just being selfish. There's nothing about being frugal that says you have to be a hermit or abandon societal reciprocity — I'm thinking here of JDR's reference to children's birthdays, which should be seen as a kind of investment in community; weddings aren't that different.
What I'm hearing from Allen is that he didn't want to go to the wedding anyway or disliked being told that his suit wasn't up to snuff, so it's not strictly a monetary issue. Not affording it is different from being cheap or not wanting to interact with extended family or the like. Or at least I can't disentangle those issues, the way it's presented in Allen's message. Don't blame money for the obligations you owe people; if it really is money you're worried about, then of course decine politely.
We have this problem with weekend trips. The in-laws live 2.5 hours away, and we're all very close, but it's expensive for us to drive there every time they have a BBQ or get-together. Even if we host, we still have the added expenses of providing food, which as a host, I will absolutely do.
We try to pick and choose what we attend, but I still feel bad when we decline.
As for weddings, I honestly think they've gotten ridiculous, and this is from someone who just got married three months ago. Our wedding wasn't frugal by any means (not in my opinion, anyway), but our top priority was the comfort of our guests. I've been to so many weddings where guests seem like an afterthought. The wedding and reception are miles and hours apart without much parking, there are no maps, the food is horrible, cash bar (and sometimes even for water!), ballroom attire required. We think it's better to make it easy on your guests, after all, they are already spending money to come to your wedding, and I'm 100 percent against doing anything at a wedding that requires guests to have cash on them. I also think you should consider the people who don't have the money to buy a tux or ball gown, unless your whole family is wealthy.
I think more people should consider that these events are not "all about them." It's about friends and family, too. Our family members still talk about the great time they had at our wedding, and that's exactly what we'd hoped–that everyone remembers it as a great time, not the wedding that put them into debt or that they couldn't afford to attend.
We try to save up for things like weddings and special events. We're not to a point where we're often invited to parties for children we're not related to, so those are all budgeted for. If we can't afford it, though, we just respond "No".
I've never had something like Allen's situation sprung on me at the last minute. For family I probably would have done it, but there are some other situations were I may have just given up and gone home. Even if I had already RSVPd "Yes."
Our son is getting married in another country this fall (at his fiancee's hometown) and we made it clear to family and friends right from the beginning that we have no expectations of anyone attending. The ones who like the idea of traveling and have the money are coming, the others are not. No hard feelings and no pressure. It's too much to expect people to fork out a load of money for a one day event, esp. if $ is tight. Don't worry about it and do what you can afford. If someone offers to pay, take them up on it
14I think this is an area where being prepared is a great resource. I buy clearanced gifts for kids birthday parties and stuff to give for "dirty Santa" and other gifts that come up. When a birthday comes up we just go to the box and find an appropriate gift.
We are going on a cruise next month and last night I bought a cocktail type black dress that will work great for $20. If you anticipate events and try to stock your wardrobe to be ready for unexpected events it is easier to catch bargains. I buy ahead, usually out of season, to keep my closet stocked.
I also keep my pantry stocked for quick meals and can entertain quickly.
In the event of weddings, I think you can find great gift items and clothing if you shop ahead. If you find out about a dress code that day and cannot find a bargain when you shop I would miss the event before I would blow money that I did not have to buy one outfit. I don't think you have to get a gift off their registry. It is a guideline and actually in poor taste for the bride to post a list. It is for the attendant to let people know about. Brides today have lost the manners and gratitude of a gift and expect a certain amount be spent. It is their most important day and they expect everyone else to be as excited about it.
I guess it is me, but I make other excuses if an event is not what I want to put my money into. I never told people that I didn't have the money. I always used another excuse like we were unable to attend because we had another obligation or something. (An obligation not to go broke on your event!)
If the wedding was sprung on you at the last minute, that's like a family emergency that you either help out with or don't. If you had plenty of notice, that's more like a family tradition/birthday/holiday spending decision. Either way, feelings are usually hurt unless you do spend a certain expected amount.
I used to spend lavishly on gifts for my family members, getting more broke all the time. My family understood that one year I was taking control of my financial situation, but still surprisingly shocked when that Christmas I gave gifts that were only $20 – $30 each to each of them. One of my sisters even starting crying she was so disappointed! *Sigh.* It was tough, but they finally got the message that I just can't afford it. Since then, I have spent more on coworkers and friends than my family b/c I was traumatized by that Christmas and just don't want to go through that again.
However, this post has made me reconsider. So, I'll be stronger now. Thanks, Trent!
I have taken I new tack for things I can't do: I say I am "unavailable". Most people actually don't ask for an excuse or reason, unless you are married to that person or it's your best friend (who knows your whereabouts and situations already).
As for making clothing purchases, I do my best with my resources. I have gone to thrift stores and purchased very beautiful, 'lightly used' (or new-store castaway) clothing for special occasions when I didn't have the right outfit already. No one at the event knew whether my outfit was mine or had previously been someone else's.
And, for what it's worth, about the comment made above by 'Rachel' – whose aunt had a last minute wedding and was angry that Rachel (a niece) wasn't able to afford and arrange attendance at the aunt's sudden wedding. I have noticed (from my own wedding) that the bride cannot visit with everyone who attends; attendance for all these events is symbolic anyway. The aunt seemed like she needed something to be angry about… No one 'has to' do ANYTHING social in life, and that includes weddings, dinners, or funerals. A simple "I am so very sorry, I am completely unavailable – to where may I send a gift?" hopefully would have helped.
I don't do weddings unless they are immediate family. Theoretically I'd go to a very small handful (3 maybe) of close friends' weddings but none of them have actually gone through with it yet.
I've actually only been to one wedding and although we managed to get by with very little expense at that one, I found the whole affair to be generally unpleasant.
JD-good question. First you have to remember that you can always say no. You may be uncomfortable. Your family and friends may be upset. None of this matters.
Be firm but friendly. Most people will understand. If they keep pushing become more firm and less friendly.
Right now you are desperately trying to get your finances under control. You are in crisis mode trying to keep your head above water. It is irresponsible to expect much from you financially.
I just did a post that is on a similar topic. Even though the initial request is different the decision making process is identical.
In a year or two you will have a savings built up to handle there things. This problem then goes away.
There shouldn't be any problem with telling people that you can't afford to go to their wedding. My wife and I had our wedding last year in her hometown, which entailed a flight for most of my family, and we understood (even expected) that some people wouldn't be able to make it as a result. The only exceptions I would consider would be very close family, or friends that are as good as family.
I'm getting married at the end of August this year. I am having a destination wedding of sorts and understand that some people can't afford it. I saw some family this weekend and my cousin simply said "I'm sorry, I can't go because I can't afford it."
I'm totally cool with that.
A wedding isn't meant to put your family out of sorts. If the couple is so uptight that they can't handle a "I'm sorry, I just can't afford to go." Then maybe you aren't really missing out. Additionally I'm not expecting anyone to go out of their way to get me a gift.
My advice would be to send them a heartfelt card that expresses your support and happiness for them. That's what it is all about.
The point isn't to make feel people guilty. I'm just happy to celebrate the occasion and wish everyone could come but am reasonable.
I'm inclined to think that we need to maintain loving relationships, by all means, yet we also need to be 'outside the box' independent thinkers concerning money, given our spendthrift culture. More at http://www.diamondcutlife.org/.
Alison Wiley
Portland, Oregon
I just don't buy the clothes excuse. It sounds like the commenter was a guy having to rent a tux.
Unless the wedding is black tie (not that common), they won't kick you out. If it is black tie, it said that on the invitation. It wouldn't be a surprise. Even if it is black tie, you can get in with a black suit and a bow tie.
If you don't have clothes nice enough to wear to a wedding/graduation/christening/funeral, that's not the wedding's fault.
I have actually heard brides in shock when everyone RSVP's a "yes" and she doesn't get any "regrets" back within the first couple of weeks. She was starting to panic that her hall wouldn't be large enough.
Consider perhaps that by not attending, you are saving the bride's family, or perhaps the couple, the cost of your attendance, sometimes upwards of $20 per plate, plus alcohol.
So don't feel TOO obligated.
The couple is merely delighted to hear from you and receive your RSVP in a timely manner so they can plan accordingly.
Their day will be wonderful either way. Send your RSVP back immediately if you can't come, because they might be able to ask someone in your place (if space is tight).
Weddings and related event costs can get out of hand, quickly. I don't think it is a coincidence that the weddings I've most enjoyed attending have been less outlandish, for both guests and the married couple themselves (including my wife's best friend's wedding where the couple hand-made a lot of items, including invitations and favours).
The trouble comes when additional costs for guests are a) unannounced and b) excessive. It seems like this instance fits both those categories. If for some reason your wedding is going to antagonise your guests then it is worth double-checking whether your requirements are reasonable or not.
My sister's nephew (very wealthy) got married and the inn where the out of town family stayed was $400 a night! My sister felt like they couldn't NOT stay there, since there was all that family bonding time, but I think wealthy people should pick up the tab when they do this. I would have stayed at the nearest Holiday Inn!
Here's my challenge. I hate staying 5-6 hours at weddings and listening to really loud bands, too loud to have meaningful conversations over. I would be happy to go to the ceremony and the cocktails, and leave. This would save the couple a bundle. But it's awkward. Brides and grooms, how would you feel if a guest replied "Yes to ceremony and cocktails, no to the sit-down dinner"?
This is an interesting issue for me because I am getting married in August. Many of our nearest and dearest (including my entire immediate family) live in other parts of the country and must fly out for the wedding. Our friends don't have much money, and frankly, neither do we. (We are keeping the wedding simple, if not tiny). I would hate for anyone to feel obligated to come if it were too much of a burden, financially or otherwise. My solution was to e-mail or call each of my far-flung friends individually to let them know that I invited them because I cared about them, and that I would love it if they could come. But I also told them that I understood completely if they couldn't make it, for whatever reason (too far to travel, no time, no vacation, scheduling conflicts etc). Part of it too is that we've had a fairly short engagement (less than six months from proposal to wedding), and it seems unfair to expect people to drop everything just because this is when we wanted to get married.
It's also an interesting question what people require of their attendants. We are trying to ask as little financially from our attendants as possible, which isn't that difficult, given the informality of our wedding. In fact, I think the fact that our wedding is so modest budget-wise makes all of it easier. We can't spend a fortune on people, and thus we wouldn't expect them to spend a fortune in return. I think perhaps the inverse may be true for some folks.
It's ok to not go. I live in NJ and my cousin lives and got married in Baltimore. The wedding was a Sunday evening, and would have required a one or two night hotel stay in order for us to attend. Plus, we just opened a business and are short on cash and time.
I felt terrible, but I had to decline. Etiquette says you have up to a year to send a gift, and I haven't done that yet either (though I actually have saved a little and plan to send it this month with a note expressing my apologies for not being able to make it – that's not bad for an April wedding).
Same thing happened when I was IN a wedding in October. The dress the bride picked was somewhat reasonable, but sort of expensive; but we HAD to have the shoes dyed, HAD to have the matching wrap, etc; the maid of honor was less than willing to negotiate with the bridesmaids on the location of the shower; That wedding ended up costing me much more than I had on hand to spend at a very rough time.
It happens. You can't let it make you feel bad or guilty. Just move on…
I'm with Southern. I try to anticipate in advance what might be needed for the year. I purchased a dress on clearance at Macy's for a mere eighteen dollars and I can use that for weddings or other events. The hardest part is trying to put aside monetary gifts– especially unexpected ones like getting a grad invitation from neighbors who moved out of state–ouch!
This particular situation was rough. He knew about the wedding, but not about what to wear. On the day of the wedding, it's not likely you'll find something in a thrift shop, re-sale shop, or garage sale or be able to find someone to borrow something from.
I'm guessing he now has a tux because his dark suit wasn't good enough. At least he can re-use this if he can stay the same size!
I like Southern's ideas of getting prepared for things like this when you do have time. I did recently decide to start looking for a little black dress, and several months later I found a great one for $3 plus dry-cleaning (which I have since used on a cruise and at a company party). I did manage to go 44 years without having one, though, by being creative in a way that wasn't allowed here. But it's good for you to have something to wear to weddings (summer and winter), funerals, interviews (and some companies require more than one interview!), formal events, swimming events, messy activities (like house painting), cold outdoor activities (like skiing), and sweaty outdoor events (like picnics).
I tend to just go along with things, although I suspect my friends deliberately don't ask me to do expensive things. My parents subsidize trips, and now I also subsidize family members for activities that are once-in-a-lifetime activities. And I subsidize friends for things I really, really want them to join me on. And I have accepted a subsidy (harder!) when someone really wanted me to join him.
I probably should get better at turning people down for things that are expensive that I don't really want to do anyway (although you never really know what's going to turn out to be fun until it's too late).
A few random thoughts:
*Yes, you can budget for social obligations. And really, if you're continually balking at spending money on people that are presumably close to you, you've left frugal and are entering "miser" territory.
*Yes, you can regret. I nixed a birthday party for one of my kid's classmates because her parents live in a distant exurb from the urban center where they attend preschool.
*Further, for kids, create a new social norm among your friends where gifts are not requested at birthday parties.
*As for the $300 expenditure on clothes for a wedding, it sounds like the reader needed to buy a suit, since tux rentals are only ~$75. If so, bud, you probably needed a suit generally. Think of it as an investment in the future. It will serve you well for future weddings, funerals, and other occasions.
I'm totally with Gwyneth (#5) when she said, "this bridezilla nonsense needs to be addressed". I got married last summer and made my wedding very affordable for everyone, including the attendants.
I am standing up in my friend's wedding this fall (she stood up in mine – it cost her about $60 including the dress) and it is costing me easily $500 – not including the wedding gift. Insane!
This is a subject that always gets me going. I have attended countless weddings (sometimes second and third weddings for the same people) and have been forced to buy gifts for people while I never got anything in return. I have not gotten married yet and I have no kids. For at least 10 years, I have been buying gifts for people because I felt like I had to.
I came to a conclusion that I just simply will not go to weddings anymore. The only exception will be my brother when he gets married. Other than that, I am done. In my opinion, most weddings are a large waste of money and a big show that no one remembers a month later anyway. They just aren't for me.
If and when I get married, I will have a small wedding and take 1/16 of what a wedding costs and have a nice honeymoon. The rest will be saved.
As far as kids birthday parties, pampered chef parties, tupperware parites etc… Those also get on my nerves. I usually will not attend a childs birthday party. I make it clear if I go to a tupperware party (or pampered chef or whatever the party is) that I am not going to buy anything. Most of my friends know I have the attitude 'if I don't need it I don't buy it'. They don't really get it.
I know it could sound like I'm being snobbish or way too frugal, but in reality I just don't feel like buying items every time I turn around for birthdays or weddings is a good use of my money.
There's no concrete advice that can be given, since everyone's situations are so different. With our small circle of friends, we've all spent a pretty penny to fly out to each others' weddings (sometimes even paying for those that can't afford it). The hosts have always considered people's presence enough, so gifts in this circle are discouraged. Even though the money's still gone, it's been nice not to feel shaken down, and the cummulative experiences have been worth it.
For smaller things, I'd probably be inclined to turn down things that aren't from best friends and close family. And I'm fully convinced that when you can't afford anything, a thoughtfully composed card should suffice. Those who feel "cheated" can, well, just feel that way.
I have 13 first cousins, many of whom are on their second marriages. I used to feel I had to go to every wedding, christening, etc. I have learned to say no. I don't say I can't afford it, I say I have a work conflict or whatnot. I can then afford to send a small gift. Most of the time, unless we are really close, they don't mind – they have 150 other guests!!!
This way, when something is REALLY important (a friend who got married right after her Dad died), I have the money to go – and then I feel really good about being there – not obligated or tense or resentful.
P.S. A good friend recently suggested we go to a very expensive restaurant for her bday. I had already spent $40 on a group gift, and am flying to spend her bday with her in her hometown. Since we've been friends so long, I felt I could say "I feel awkward about this, but I am feeling anxious about my finances. I really want to celebrate with you, is there a less expensive place you would enjoy?"
She responded so positively, and now we are grilling in her backyard!
I honestly think that there's a fairly large faction of people that purposely make their weddings expensive, excessively formal or in some out of the way place simply to keep it small. One of my cousins had her wedding in the Grand Caymans. That kept it to about 40 people. It probably saved them a lot of money – what they spent for the exotic location, they made up in less food and drink. We're a big Irish family and we can put a serious hurting on an open bar.
This is so interesting, because this was just the issue we dealt with this past weekend, and since I'm new to this whole "frugal" thing, I didn't deal with it the best way I probably could have.
My friends all wanted to go in on a gift, and I felt that the total per couple was too much. I had an e-mail all written up explaining that money was kind of tight, but at the last minute "chickened" out. I know I need to get past my embarrassment of not being as financially well-off as my friends, but it was hard for me to not "go with the crowd", and we ended up giving more than I wanted to for both the wedding gift and the bachelorette party (which was the same weekend).
I'm enjoying reading all the comments about how others deal with this situation- what a great way to share "strategies" and experiences with these similar money "woes". I'm confident that next time, as I become stronger about my convictions when it comes to being more frugal, I'll be able to handle the situation much better.
The wedding industry has gotten out of control, but I can understand the sense of obligation. I turned to Emily Post for advice and she didn't disappoint
"The amount spent on the gift should be based on your affection for and relationship with the couple – or their families – as well as your budget. People sometimes say that a wedding gift should cost at least as much as the bride and groom are spending on entertaining each person at the reception, but that is a myth."
Just a side note – I have to agree with everyone on here about the suit.
Maybe travel and gifts and stuff might be too expensive for this particular event, but all men need to have at least one respectable dark suit in their wardrobe. (And women a dark dress THAT FITS!) I'm guessing you needed a tux this time around, but what if you needed to go to a funeral in two days? You never know. My husbands father died unexpectedly and with all the horrible plans we had to make, we had to go out and find him a suit to wear on top of all that. Bad, bad planning on our part.
P.S. And about the garage sale suits – come on people. I know this from experience. My father (who has no other reason to wear a suit other than weddings and funerals) brought a navy blue pin striped suit with a mismatched tie that was too small in the cuffs and legs and thought that would be alright to wear to both my wedding and my sisters. There is a big difference between being frugal and being a cheapskate!
40Hi guys, it's the Allen from the article.
I really appreciate the thought and energy people have put forward here so far. I, in fact, do shop at thrift stores for my cloths, the very few times i need to buy them a year. I think it's great advice for most people, and for most situation. you can get great deals.
As for the "just don't go;" That would have NOT BEEN AN OPTION. That is, if i ever wanted to see my family again. The wedding was only 1.5 hours from where i live, roughly. On top of that, i like seeing my relatives, even if their social dynamic is different then my own. There are situations, especially with family, in which one party expects you to have more money/resources [in this case nice cloths] then I do. They aren't trying to be mean, they are just from such a different social-bracket, that they did not even consider that i would not have the cloths needed to get into the country club.
@dotatemyfinances: Just becuase the invite said the country club, did not mean that i knew what was needed to get _into_ the country club. ;P
A big part of this issue, for me, was having to deal with family's expectations from a very different world.
and YES, i know i probably needed a nice jacket, and pants, and shirt, and tie, and brown shoes: But i did not need to spend it all in one day!
Thankfully I am not in debt right now, i'm just trying to build my emergency fund. This wedding ate up the entirety of what i had saved so far. I am forced to think that this is one of those stupid times when dipping into it is needed/useful. It just feels stupid to be buying cloths from that fund. :[
Thanks, everyone, for your thoughtful responses so far!
There is no absolute obligation to spend in any social setting. It should really be a question of individual priorities and where your sense of social obligation fits in relative to your other spending.
Treat money like time. You only have so much to work with. If there were another wedding on the same day, you'd have to choose. If you have other uses for your money, you have to choose.
The general rule for invitations is that you are *asking* someone if they could join you in celebrating 'whatever'; it's not an order to attend. Sadly, people feel an obligation and get pressure if it's an important family event like a wedding. A good host (whether it's a couple marrying or any party) focuses on their guests–that's their role. When people are far away or can't make it for financial or any reasons, the invitation should be treated as a wedding announcement–send a note of congrats with your RSVP regreting you're unable to make it. You're under no obligation to give a reason. You should still send a gift, but make it appropriate to your financial circumstances and the closeness of the relationship of the couple.
Wow! as much as they spent! Scary [if i had had to have done that!]! Unfortunately, with something like that, this "myth" is not one, not if those people/recipients are the ones who believe it, then you are just the "jerk," to them. :[
I like the advice of "Southern" to keep a stock of suitable gifts for childrens parties and suchlike. I'll start doing that as my daughter grows a little older and starts attending friends' birthday parties.
Martin (#10) writes that is seems selfish not to want to spend on friends and relatives weddings, birthdays etc. I can agree to some extent, but I think the problem with "socially obligated spending" is that it seems (to me at least) to be ever increasing.
Is this really what most of us want, or are we just doing it because it is what we think others expect? For instance, if you're a parent, isn't it easier to just go ahead and buy a slightly more expensive gift to your childs friends party than to be the one raising the issue of money? I've heard friends and coworkers complain about how their kids' going to 10+ birthday parties a year is becoming expensive. But all seem reluctact to questing the amount of money spent.
And no, I don't think it "washes out". Really, if I go to a wedding where I need to buy a tux, how can that wash out? Yes, if it makes me happy to see other people in tux on my own wedding… but it won't. I'll be as happy if they just show up just with any decent clothes.
Reading through this, I realize that we are only getting one side of the story. I'm not sure what to make of not knowing what to wear. If it is true that Allen didn't know about the "dress code" for the wedding because it was never mentioned anywhere, then it is rather arrogant that no one told him of it. As far as "not 'good enough'", was he even wearing a suit and tie?
To be quite frank, I'm not sure what I would do in that situation. $300 is a lot of money on the spur of the moment. It seems odd that he wouldn't know of it until the day of the wedding, and even odder that he couldn't rent a tux (as another poster mentioned). I mean, a new tux would need a fitting, right? How much longer would it take to make a couple of phone calls to some other places? Did he fly there? If it were me and I had drove, I frankly might just turn around and go home, just based on what he's saying. I don't need family that springs inconsiderate surprises like that.
I have to question the fact that he felt pressured to go to a wedding of his cousin, though. A brother or sister I can understand, but a cousin? I have more than a couple (understatement) of first cousins, and I can't see going to each and every affair they have. I'd certainly go broke very quickly. I would probably send them gifts, and that would be about all, unless it was one I had a special relationship with. Even if it were a brother or sister, I would have trouble getting past the expectation that I would just "know" what to show up in beyond what I would wear to church (which, I'll admit is surprising what some wear to church even).
I understand that not going isn't an option here, but I also don't think we can expect ourselves or others to accept every invitation we're ever issued. I also don't think it's necessary to give a reason when declining to attend for financial considerations. A wedding has to be held somewhere, and invariably there will be guests who have to travel some distance to it, or decide not to attend. That's life, and friends and family will understand, and if they don't, the problem is theirs. "I wish I could be there" and a card and/or a gift is more than sufficient. Many people, even those planning on attending, don't even bother to Rsvp these days, so your on-time reply and heartfelt note (and gift, if you choose) will be appreciated. There's no need to make the couple feel guilty about your financial situation. They may be feeling guilty already because a wedding is a complicated thing, everyone has an opinion, and you can't please everyone. That said, it's my feeling that our ties to family and friends are one of the best investments we can make in life, so this is an area worth budgeting for (a good suit/dress to last years, modest gifts, some travel occasionally).
I have to say I'm confused.
They showed up to a wedding with attire considered inappropriate for ENTRY?
What were they wearing?
Look, if you have a wedding to go to EVER you should have something decent to wear – thrift store or not – [also communions, funerals, other 'nice' events] and I've only ever heard of a dress code being 'black tie' or not – if it was it would have said so ON the invitation. So there should be no surprise.
My assumption here is that some unpleasant family member told the person it was not good enough? The answer? "Gee thanks for your support – this is what I"m wearing – hope we're sitting together since it's been such fun chatting!"
Otherwise I'm really stumped here
On the actual question – how to deal with socially obligated spending – you budget for it and you decline what you can't afford – wedding registries? don't follow them if it's out of your range – get what you want and woe to the rude newlyweds who spurn a gift given with love – karma is a tough thing to deal with!
We have three kids and dh has both a large family and a job that involves a lot of invitations as well. 'Gifts' is one of our biggest budget items LOL – but we manaage – children's gifts are bought on clearance and stored up, wedding gifts are checks in an appropriate amount and when we can get out of going we decline and send a smaller check [but still send the gift], other family things – new babies etc – we havea budget – it works out to roughly the same amount every year – it probably does for most people if you track it – the new babies turn into birthdays and communions etc and then graduations and then weddings and then new babies again LOL
@Dylan, Leslie, &c:
Sometimes you DO have go to go something like this. For me, it is my first cousin's first wedding. I do love her, and that side of my family.
For some of us, Family is FAMILY. That means you do anything for them, and they will do anything for YOU. I have started to realize as i get older, that not everyone has a close relationship with their family. I feel sorry for them, and try to remember the warmth, and happiness i do get from my family (when i am not spending more money then i am comfortable with. ) At the end of the day, it IS just money.
Ok, yes, i can choose to not go. That choice would irrepribly damage my relation with those… relations. It is not as cut and dry as we wish it could be! I could have gotten away with saying to a FRIEND that i couldn't go, due to money, and I HAVE: But family is different.
I would use the money that is saved in my emergency fund, to deal with an 'emergency' invitation that I had not already budgeted for – which I must attend.
Emergency funds can be for leaky roofs, replacement gaskets or for last-minute unplanned events, that's why it's called an 'emergency' fund
I hope you have a great time at the wedding Allen, and best wishes to the bride and groom.
Weddings really seem like they are getting way too expensive. Not only for guests but for the wedding couple. It almost seems like they are putting on a party to make money. Something is wrong with that picture.