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How to Choose a Lampshade
Home Hacks
Project: Find new lampshades for lamps loaned to me from family members. I find this project intimidating because of the millions of questions I have about lampshades: what height? What shape? Should it match other shades? Contrast? Be bold? Or neutral? Watch me solve my problems, and maybe I can solve yours too.
What You Need
Measuring tape
Gut instincts
1. Take a look at your lamps.
Do you need new shades? We do. Our living room is a mix of modern and traditional furniture, so we'd like to add a modern touch to this traditional lamp.
2. Choose a size.
A good way to do this is to measure your current shade and eye for yourself if it needs one or two more inches. "The lampshade should be placed on the lamp base at a height so that the bottom edge falls midway on the neck, which is the small metal piece between the socket and the lamp base," writes Adrienne Breaux, our Austin contributor. "Though a small detail, this ensures that the socket is not visible and that the correct amount of light shines through the shade." The switch also shouldn't be visible.
When measuring, measure the top diameter, bottom diameter and slant.
Restoration's size options:
Size A Shade: 6-1/2" diam., 5-1/2"H
Size B Shade: 10" diam., 8"H
Size C Shade: 13" diam., 9"H
Size D Shade: 15-3/4" diam., 10-1/4"H
Size E Shade: 18" diam., 11-1/2"H
Size F Shade: 19-1/2" diam., 12-1/2"H
3. Note the fitting.
We can thank Adrienne again. Make sure you know whether the fitting is spider, uno, or clip-on before you fall in love with a shade that won't screw on to your lamp.
4. Choose a shape.
Restoration Hardware has a good selection of seven distinct shapes that will help you see differences in shapes: English-barrel, drum, empire, bell, pagoda, box-pleat and flare. (Pottery Barn also notes the tapered drum as an option.) And if you browse West Elm online, you'll see that the most modern type of shape is drum or square. For another great description of shapes, and what kinds of interiors they go with, check out Destination Lighting.
5. Choose color and style.
Are you going for a pop of color in the corner of your room? Or something neutral that won't distract from art? Browse Apartment Therapy home tours, and big box stores like Restoration Hardware, Pottery Barn, West Elm and Crate and Barrel.
Although I toyed with the idea of a fun and funky shade, like one from LiT Shades in Seattle, I remembered that when I set out to design our apartment from scratch almost a year ago, I wanted to let the multi-colored spines of books, colorful pillows, and our artwork do the talking in our living room. My background would be neutral, and I think the shade should be neutral too, as it will one day be in front of art. (I think I was leaning towards a patterned shade because our walls are bare — but once we frame our art, they will be filled.)
6. Should it coordinate, in color and shape with the other shades in the home?
The shades in our bedroom our black drums, but a black shade in our living room might be too dark. Since we already have two drums in our under-1,000-square-foot home, I don't want to go with something very traditional like a box-pleat. But it needs to be similar.
A lampshade like the one on this Morel light at Crate and Barrel would be perfect. It's a tapered drum in taupe; the taper makes the drum different, yet still similar, and the sheene adds interest to a neutral. Plus, taupe is our accent neutral.
7. Crate and Barrel doesn't sell their shades separately, so in the end, we are going to go with two Size F (19-1/2" diam., 12-1/2"H) drum shades in flax.
Additional Notes:
There are many online shade sources today, but for sure-fire lamp shade buying, bring your lamp or current shade to the store.
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Images: 1, 2, 6, Lindsey Roberts; 3, Destination Lighting; 4, Restoration Hardware; 6, LiT Shades and West Elm; 7, Crate and Barrel
23 Comments
I'd make an additional point about coloured lampshades: seriously consider the overall lighting situation before making a decision. My parents have a pair of dark-ish shades on the two lamps that are the main illumination in their living room that very nicely match the furniture, curtains, and carpet. However, unless you're sitting directly under one of them, the room is uncomfortably dim. I've been trying to persuade them to get lighter shades as a cheap, easy way to improve the room's atmosphere for ages.
I know it's too late to close the barn door on this year's 'Home Hacks' series, but please, please, please reconsider doing this again next year.
Most of your tips, tutorials and how-to's aren't 'hacks.' A hack implies taking something and altering it to suit another purpose. Choosing a lampshade isn't even close to being a hack. The whole thing seems like it's trying too hard to be trendy. Just call the post what it is - tips on choosing a lampshade.
As a member of the 'idiots who don't know squat about lampshades" I was happy that this article showed up as I'm about to replace three shades in my living room. However I am not much enlightened.
"When measuring, measure the top diameter, bottom diameter and slant.
This is followed by a list of measurements that don't have three measurements, only two. What do those represent? Is measuring for slant meant to measure length from top to bottom or actual degree of angle? I'm a bit flummoxed.
If I find a shade that is an uno but the metal center is too small for an existing lamp is there any way to modify it? In fact is there any way to modify an uno into spider?
Is there any consensus about whether all the shades in a single room should match either identically or at least in color and mimicking the same shape whether large or small?
i don't want to be another negative nancy here, but i agree with allison.
also - most of these home hacks are just not pushing it far enough. while this post is helpful, if you are going to list some of the more common sense things it would be best to aim for consistency and cover every aspect. bb99's questions are perfect examples of how to mix the basics with designer tips. of course this is all up to your personal preferences but a few design guidelines more would help.
also agree with allison...and so glad i'm not the only person thinking it! just call it "how to..." or "household tips" month or something?
I agree w/ Allison too -
These aren't Hacks, they're just smart tips for the home.
However I have a beef with this one:
When buying a vintage lamp, the old shade is frequently loing gone - so there's no point of reference for size...
...or the old shape simply might just not be all that appealing anymore (remember the Coolie-Shades from the 1980's?)
There are also vintage lamps out there with insanely high necks, so a lampshade that stops midway would look ridiculous. Harps easily are replaceable too and there are spacers to give a shade a lift off the harp - so there's alot more variability in shade sizes available to folks.
There are also vintage lamps that have a glass V-shaped bowl at the top rather than a harp - We've seen these on AT House Calls without shades where obviously the owner thinks that's how they're supposed to be displayed, but in fact a shade does go over it.
You'll often see a spider shade with little inverted "V"s in the horizontal wires - Those are where the shade would settle on these glass bowls.
There's also no need to stick with an off-the-shelf shade from a mainstream retailer - There are so many resources out there for semi-custom and custom shades in an infinite variety of sizes and colors.
They don't always cost an arm-and-a-leg, and in some cases they're even less than those at the mainstream retailers
My personal favorite go-to is Fenchel: http://www.fenchelshades.com/
Finally, many folks ignore the decorative appeal of lamp finials - That would be a nice discussion too...
...and with the finial base-clips that are readily available, DIY finials could make a nice project as well.
With regard to matching shades, I think it's important to consider lamps and their shades as "yet more"... You have your walls and windows and furniture and "yet more" stuff including decor items, rugs, books, whatever. If you stand in a room and get a feeling of clutter, maybe there are too many diverse elements. A way to simplify that is matching lamps and shades. On the other hand, if the room is relatively spare, maybe mixing it up with a few different variations would add some spice.
In my bedroom, the lamps on the nightstands match, with crystal bases and angular shades. I also have a jade color ginger jar with a standard cone shaped shade and a nickle color floor lamp with a cylindrical shade. Any more would look pretty messy, but partly because all the shades are white and not close together, this works out ok.
In the living room I have two table lamps that are stained wood: one is very "Mission" style with rectangular lines. It has a rectangular shade. The other is a slightly tapered column with a slightly more pyramidal shade. (Both are angular and geometric, though.) I also have a big rectangular lamp from IKEA (I forget the model) which is essentially a paper lantern. If I wanted more lamps in the room, (and I don't), I'd ditch the two wooden ones and get new matching lamps, since otherwide I think the space would look messy and unharmonious.
Repetition is a major element of design. If the space needs it, multiple lamps that match or nearly match is a way to achieve it.
bepsf should have a regular column. His/her advice is always useful.
Agree--tips aren't hacks, and if you are posting some "hack" or modification--please have done it yourself. Original content beats posting some picture from Flickr with squeals.
I agree with Mr Faux! Bepsf always hits the nail on the head!
re: "There's also no need to stick with an off-the-shelf shade from a mainstream retailer"
Nice sentiment, but semi-custom and custom lamp shades are now very frequently OBSCENELY priced.
Have a look at the Fenchel website (link above) and you'll see how reasonably priced their semi-custom shades really are...
Completely off topic... but my parents had that same (or incredibly similar) lamp when I was growing up! It just brought back tons of memories from my old house in Minneapolis. Awesome!
Agree with FantasticMrFaux and allisonharris - bepsf always has great comments.
Oooooooooo! Where is the small white pillow in the fourth picture from? ANyone?
@bb99 --
"Is measuring for slant meant to measure length from top to bottom or actual degree of angle?"
The slant is the direct measurement from upper ring to bottom ring - not the vertical height, tho if it's a drum shade (top and bottom ring the same circumference) it will also be vertical height. There's also the "Drop" - This is the height from the fitting (spider, Uno, etc) to the top of the shade. It's often 1 or 2", but could be more on larger shades - and a spacer can also be used to bring the shade up on a shorter harp.
See the Fenchel site for a visual diagram...
"In fact is there any way to modify an uno into spider?"
Not that I'm aware of - If so, you'd have an insanely high drop.
"Is there any consensus about whether all the shades in a single room should match either identically or at least in color and mimicking the same shape whether large or small?"
In my opinion, stick with either a similar shape or similar color in the same room -
ie: All tall drum shades in the living room but say one black w/ gold lining shade by the sofa and a string shade by the chair.
Or all the same color: A shallow cream drum shade by the bed and a square cream shade on the dresser...
...unless one is doing a pair: then as Sherry said above, choose matching shades on either side of the sofa, bed or on the credenza - even if the lamp base is a bit different.
agreeing with allisonharris, jick, gretchenalexis, bepsf, and FantasticMrFaux here. Apparently a LOT of people feel the same way about the whole "hack" series.
Nothing wrong with this post itself, but calling it a "hack" is ludicrous. The whole "hack" series is a farce and quite annoying. As allisonharris said, stop trying to be trendy and just call it what it is, "tips on picking a lamp shade".
My mom had one rule about buying lamp shades - bring the lamp into the store (she kept the lamp in the trunk of her car while looking) and try all the shades in the store. Otherwise you'll inevitably end up with a too short, too big, too wide shade that has the wrong drop, harp, fit, etc.
This is one case where the internet does not beat real life for speed and accuracy.
bepsf: thanks for the great source. I can never find the shades I want and avoid buying some good thrift store finds as a result. I'll have to spend some time this weekend spec-ing some shades for a few lamps I have that are currently without.
bb99 -- good questions.
For your questions about measuring, I found references that suggested measuring those three measurements, and then matching them to the measurements the manufacturer lists. For example, some companies will only list the two measurements, like Restoration Hardware does, but I've found it useful to have all three on hand just in case. As for the slant, it's not the angle, but the length along the slant, top to bottom.
As to whether all shades in one room should match, great question! I'm not sure, but I think they should at least match in one way, such as shape or color. Any thoughts from others?
sfgirl -- Great point. even with all the research I'm doing for my lamps, I'm still planning on bringing them into a store before purchasing.
Kab - if you mean the small white pillow in the sixth photo, that's from Victoria Hagan's line at Target about three years ago.
Thank you Lindsey :) That is the one I meant
Shades without pleats catch less dust. In the store, hold a shade up to light to see how much light it blocks. If I rearrange furniture and decide the lamps are not blending in well, sometimes I swap assorted harps and shades among lamps to make things look more consistent. Similar shades make lamps look more consistent if the lamps are not part of a set. Angular shades fit in tight spaces. A new finial (cap on top of harp) can perk up an older lamp. Hardware stores may have finials and other lamp parts. If you have kids, pets, or earthquakes, you may want metal (or very sturdy) lamps. Stick small lamps to tables with re-usable sticky putty. A little cork under metal lamps can protect furniture.


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My extremely talented friend Ricki just published a book, and based on three recipes I have already tried, it is a new favorite! My copy is already well worn, but I have a second brand new copy to give away to one lucky reader today!
I have several more recipes dog-eared to get to soon – from chocolate buttercream frosting and pastry custard to [click to continue…]
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Stay healthy, get vaccinated
|Author: Terri F.
Date: Thursday, November 8th, 2012
|Return to Archive
Seasonal Flu Information 2012-2013
WKU Health Services has received the injectable form of the adult and pediatric seasonal flu vaccine. We are administering the vaccine on a walk-in basis, so feel free to stop by WKUHS during regular business hours. The vaccine is available to faculty, staff, students and their dependents. It is recommended by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) that everyone 6 months and older receive the vaccine annually.
Faculty/Staff - If you are covered by the WKU Anthem Blue Cross Bue Shield plan this service is covered at 100% with no co-pay. Please bring a valid driver's license and your insurance card to take advantage of this opportunity.
Student Health Insurance - If you are covered by the AHP Student Health Insurance Plan, this service is covered at 100% with no co-pay.
Self-Pay - If you are not filing insurance, you may pay with cash, Big Red dollars, check, or credit card.
Additional Information - If you have oinsurance other than the plans listed above, we can bill your insurance, however we cannot guarantee it will be covered. At this time, we are unable to accept or bill Medicare or any state Medicaid insurance plan.
For more information about seasonal flu, please visit: http://www.wku.edu/healthservices/seasonal-flu/seasonal-flu.php
The current Ebola outbreak is centered on three countries in West Africa: Liberia, Guinea, Sierra Leone, although there is the potential for further spread to neighboring African countries.
In an ominous warning as fatalities mounted in West Africa from the worst known outbreak of the Ebola virus, the head of the World Health Organization said on Friday that the disease was moving faster than efforts to curb it.
If you're feeling stressed these days, the news media may be partly to blame. At least that's the suggestion of conducted by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health.
How does one ditch a dependence on soda? Here are five tips for kicking your soda habit for good.
Are artificial sweeteners used in soft drinks and foods safe? Will they make us fat? How much is too much? Science doesn't have all the answers yet, but researchers have some clues.
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Kendall K. Hunsicker - Willow Valley Communities, Vice President of Healthcare Services
Willow Valley's holistic Lifecare program helps keep seniors vibrant, healthy and actively aging. Should their needs change, however, they are assured that short- or long-term healthcare is available as needed at this continuing care retirement community.
That peace of mind is just one way that Kendall K. Hunsicker has a positive impact through her role as Vice President of Healthcare Services.
Kendall is a highly-qualified healthcare professional. She received her Bachelor of Science degree in Health Information Management from York College (PA), then went on to earn a Master of Business Administration from the University of Notre Dame. Kendall is a Registered Health Information Administrator and has her Nursing Home Administrator (NHA) license.
With more than 28 years in various areas of healthcare, Kendall says she appreciates the opportunity to continually expand her knowledge and apply it to innovations that benefit our Residents.
After a decade at Willow Valley Retirement Communities, Kendall delights in observing or hearing about the many ways that Team Members go above and beyond to demonstrate their care for Residents.
At work and at play, Kendall seems to be constantly on the move. She is a talented quilt maker, plays golf and loves Sudoku. She's also frequently on the road - to the Jersey shore or off to Chicago to visit family.


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17 days and counting to election day: Andy Fox on the TrailOctober 17th, 2009 at 9:46 am by Andy Fox under Personalities, Politics
I'm Political Reporter Andy Fox and this week on the campaign trail brings us to a Will Rogers quote: Rogers said, "Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated."
Below is the amount of money raised by the statewide candidates. Millions raised and spent just to lose:
Deeds For Governor : $3.5 Million raised in September
McDonnell for Governor: $3.8 million in September
Bolling for Lt. Governor $476,336 in September
Wagner for Lt. Governor $465,302 in September
Cuccinelli for Attorney General $672,814 in September
Shannon for Attorney General $532,575 in September
It is clearly evident the excuse "I didn't have enough money to get out my message" will not apply in these races.
Locally, the most heavily contributed to campaign is 93rd race in Newport News
Del. Phil Hamilton (R) against Robin Abbott (D) .
Money contributed as of September 30:
Hamilton: $306,690 with cash on hand of $174,624
Abbott: $231,608 with cash on hand of $56,893.
Most of the money spent in this race has been spent on a barrage of direct mail.
Is it possible Hamilton after all he's been through can win? Remember, he's part of an ethics investigation for his $40,000 pay check from ODU after he won $500,000 for the school's teaching center.
After he got the job, emails surfaced showing he lobbied for his job before getting the school the money suggesting a possible quid-pro-quo.
After all that-if Hamilton wins he will show an amazing strength among voters unmatched by any other politician in Hampton Roads.
Hamilton told me, "Andy, don't count me out…the door to door campaign has been very positive…I think I'm going to win this race."
Saturday Sen. John McCain campaigned for Bob McDonnell.
Writing about McCain, A federal judge has ruled that Virginia violated the voting rights of military service members and other Americans living overseas when state elections officials failed to send them ballots for last year's presidential election on time. The votes are the focus of a lawsuit filed by Republican candidate John McCain's campaign, which alleged that they weren't mailed in time for overseas voters to return them before the polls closed on November 4th, 2008.
Deeds will get help in the last 17 days of the campaign from President Barack Obama and former President Bill Clinton. Both will campaign with the Democratic ticket over the next two weeks.
Polls this week clearly show strength with the republican ticket.
RASMUSSEN REPORTS: McDonnell 50
Deeds 43
Mason Dixon: McDonnell 48, Deeds 40
Washington Post: McDonnell 53 Deeds 44.
Average: McDonnell 50.33 Deeds 42.33
Deeds running out of time. McDonnell's average takes him above 50%
Those numbers taking Republicans Bolling and Cuccinelli up
Democrats Wagner and Shannon down.
In fact this was mass emailed from the jody Wagner campaign,
"Many of you have seen the recent public polling and may be asking yourselves how we plan win this race. This memo from Pete Brodnitz, our pollster, and David Eichenbaum, our media consultant, is a great explanation, so I want to share it with you.Their conclusion is simple: If we have the resources to communicate our message, we'll come out on top. With your help, we're going to do what it takes to win, including using our TV advertising to tell voters about Bill Bolling's no-show record."
Reading between the lines, Wagner needs money and is trying to relay to supporters the time is now, and time is running out…..
Deeds' Voter turnout: A Washington Post Poll has some alarming
news for Deeds. Deeds the democrat needs African American voter turnout , and the Post poll found just 12% African American turnout in a 20% African American state.
This week I reported on the Joe Bouchard for Delegate commercial against his republican challenger Dr. Chris Stolle.
The two are running against each other in the 83rd District Race.
CLAIM ONE: "Dr. Chris Stolle is the director of patient care at a local hospital."
TRUTH: Stolle is Vice President for Medical Affairs…two different jobs with different responsibilities
CLAIM TWO: "But recent investigations found that on Chris Stolle's watch, a 90 year old patient was a victim of severe neglect."
TRUTH: The patient "claimed" severe neglect. However, we obtained a letter from The Department of Health and Human Services that investigated the claim and sent a letter to the hospital, "I am please to inform you as a result of the complaint…(the hospital) was found in compliance with the Medicare conditions of participation." Stolle added, "No where in that report do they use the word neglect nor severe neglect, and they write we are please to tell you you are in compliance."
CLAIM THREE: "Infant mortality rates at Stolle's hospital are twice the national average."
TRUTH: "The most recent statistics available show in the years 2006-2008 the National Average for Newborn Mortality .15%. Stolle's Hospital .23%. That number would have to be .30% to be twice the national average as stated in the commercial.
Bouchard used information from earlier years 2004-2006.
The National Average .15%. Stolle's Hospital .31%.
CLAIM FOUR: "and Stolle's hospital has been accused of shoddy patient care including a botched surgery and a wrongful death."
TRUTH: Accused, yes that's true, but the fact is one case was dropped and the other is pending. "We see tens of thousands of patients every year, and this is what he talks about," Stolle says.
The claims are refuted by the Truth Tracker. We wanted to question Bouchard about his ad, but he refused an on camera interview.
Bouchard gave us this statement: " "My campaign ad speaks for itself. The facts are researched and documented. Chris Stolle…can't hide the truth about his record overseeing the quality of patient care or the dangerous conditions that have existed on his watch."
It was interesting that Bouchard refused an on camera interview to discuss an he's spending thousands to run on TV.
Del. Bobby Mathieson chose the same strategy against Virginia beach City Councilman Ron Villanueva. Mathieson refused to discuss his ad that claims "He's missed all or part of 105 City Council meetings." That's true, but what the ad doesn't tell you
Villanueva attended 92% of the meetings. He also cast votes 93% of the time. That is true.
Mathieson also hit Villanueva for voting himself a $10,000 pay raise for council members. Villanueva says he will vote to roll that back due to tough economic conditions.
Amazingly, Mathieson refused an on camera interview. The campaign called me the next day saying they will do an interview-but 'the next day' was too late….
These are two races that are too close to call, and would be huge rebublican pickups….
That's this week on the Campaign trail, I'm Andy Fox reporting.
Tags: andy fox, campaign money, deeds, mcdonnell, november election, Politics


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In the northern Thuringian Forest, the cultural city of Weimar was home to Goethe, Schiller and Bach, among many others. It houses 22 UNESCO-listed buildings including the city church, Residential Palace, Widow's Palace and the former residences of Goethe and Schiller, both museums. There are numerous palaces, homes and parks to visit, including the famous Park an der Ilm. Buchenwald concentration camp is 10 kilometres away.
If you're interested in experiencing a healthy dose of local character, the top Weimar hotels are the spots for you. Situated close to some of the best Thuringia treasures, these charming properties are just a stone's throw from the best boutiques, eateries, and must-see entertainment options.
Book a stay at one of the elegant hotels in Weimar to bask in the gorgeous surroundings, or scope out the smaller hotels in Weimar, Thuringia, if you want something slightly more intimate.
Plus, when you plan your trip with Expedia.ca, you might even find a few cheap Weimar hotel deals and discounts that let you explore the neighbourhood's personality without spending your entire travel budget on hotel rates. Pack your weekender, grab your local map, and get ready for a trip you won't soon forget.
Thanks to the hotels near Weimar, you can score a seriously cheap deal on the vacation you've always wanted to take.


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COLUMBUS, Ohio - The Ohio Senate will hear sponsor testimony regarding proposed laws that would regulate Internet Cafe's.
State Senator Joe Schiavoni says they should have regulations to follow like other businesses. Schiavoni also adds the odds of winning should be posted so people know they're playing a sweepstakes.
The State Senator says many people think they're really playing a slot machine, but it's just a computer screen with software that looks like a slot machine that's already predetermined whether or not you've won.
He says it's not an individual chance every time like it is with a true slot machine.
Schiavoni says he is not against the businesses, but he adds if the state is going to have four casinos and seven race tracks regulated by the state why shouldn't the Internet Cafe's be regulated.
He says it's like opening a bar without a liquor license.
Schivaoni adds you can't just open a gambling joint anywhere you want, have people come in, and figure out on your own the pay out. It's going to be regulated.
Senator Schivaoni says the proposed legislation would also allow townships and cities to allow or block the Internet Cafe's.


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Seed of Chucky Movie Review
The classic campfest that is Seed of Chucky begins as any movie with "Seed of" in the title should... by having one of the weirdest credit sequences featuring doll sperm flying into an egg and watching a small doll gestate, complete with umbilical cord and "Made in Japan" stamp.
Enter the androgynous doll trying to find out the truth about himself and his parents. He is kept in a cage by a cruel British ventriloquist in the running to win the ventriloquist world championships. After the doll sees mommy and daddy on TV for the filming of Chucky Goes Psycho, he somehow ships himself to Hollywood where he finds mom and dad, recites some voodoo, and reanimates the two little hellions to wreak havoc and start arguing if he is a boy (Glen) or a girl (Glenda).
Meanwhile, Jennifer Tilly (as herself) is sick of her career as the paramour to puppets as seen in the last outing. She's determined to land the role of the Virgin Mary in Redman's new biblical epic, and will do anything to make it happen. But the dolls have other plans: Determined to become real people, and to make Glen/Glenda a real live boy, Chucky and Tiffany decide to take the bodies of Redman and Jennifer Tilly, but only after giving Tilly a voodoo pregnancy so that Glen/Glenda has a nice human home. Coming to grips with the responsibilities of parenthood, Chucky and Tiffany also decide to quit killing cold turkey. Chucky crosses fingers, Tiffany tries the 12-step program (just wait until she confronts those she's harmed), and the rest of the movie just gets weirder.
Seed of Chucky is pure camp, but damn can it do camp well. Seed of Chucky is one of the best chop-slop comedies since Army of Darkness. It delivers first-rate murder and mayhem performed by second-rate actors with a sense of humor about themselves (the best being Redman begging Tilly to call up Gina Gershon for a little Bound reunion).
If seeing the shortest psychos on record sounds like your shtick, check out Seed of Chucky. It lives up to its predecessors in both gore and laughs, and offs a lookalike of at least one annoying celebrity. Whoops, they did it again.
Now fetch the baster.
Cast & Crew
Director : Don Mancini
Producer : David Kirshner, Corey Sienega
Screenwriter : Don Mancini
Starring : Jennifer Tilly, Brad Dourif, Redman, Billy Boyd


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Hello, friends and also people I've never met who will hopefully pre-order my book, maybe even before I've even written it? No? Ok, moving on.
This has not been the most proud week of my life. Then, in other ways, it has been absolutely one of the most impressive weeks I have ever lived.
For example, it has been snowing for approximately 86 days and all I've felt like doing is giving up and hibernating this winter away but instead of just wearing yoga pants to work and eating 17 Cadbury cream eggs in rapid succession like my body wants me to do, instead I have done EXTREMELY adult things like wearing snow boots to work but bringing heels in to change in my office, and wearing accessories even when the metal in the bracelet or necklace makes my skin really cold in the morning.
Those are the good things.
Then, at 4:52PM one day I looked down and realized I was wearing two different pairs of shoes. Am I in a rom com?
ALSO, today in the office I was nodding emphatically while someone was talking and I was acting like I was researching what they were saying online but really I was looking at bathing suits and I don't think they ever would have noticed until I exclaimed "Why would Victoria's Secret be blocked but GAP never is!?" and Brittney blinked and reminded me, "They're half naked," which is a good point but also ridiculous because I just wanted to do a little light pre-honeymoon beachwear browsing.
Aaaaand, this is a selfie I took in a meeting because my cousins were all sending our cousin Annette birthday selfies and I was stuck in said meeting, so, well, problem solved.
Ah, adulthood. Just exactly as scary as everyone said it would be.
However. If i'm being honest (and if this blog has taught you one thing, it at least should have taught you that I am always, at best, painfully honest. Although I sincerely hope it's taught you more than one thing. I hope it's taught you about the best celebrity baby names ever chosen, and how to plan a wedding in just 8 small meltdowns, and how to build a beautiful home out of glitter and recycled mason jars, and how to swear to God and yourself and everyone you know that you'd have a novel published by the age of 19 because if SE Hinton can do it, you can too, but then one day you're 29 and you have a blog and it's really fun and has a lot of followers and some are even from Italy and Africa and the UK (which you just know is Kate, obv) but again, let's be honest, no one's paying you to be funny on the internet) – anyway…I went a bit off the map with that one… let's start again.
If I'm being honest the last 3 things I googled were "celebrities without makeup," "Lorde boyfriend," and "american horror story cast list" so no, I'm absolutely not turning into too much of a grown up, so you can stop panicking now.
it is embarrassing how often I google celebrities without makeup. Well, embarrassing for them. Not for me. I always have makeup on.
Cue anecdote about an email thread about wedding makeup in which I was the one and only person to request and then sign up for airbrush makeup for my friend Amy's wedding. Basically here's how the conversation went:
Amy: Who wants makeup?
Me: Ooh, I'll take airbrush makeup!
6 girls: What is airbrush makeup?
Abby: I learned about airbrush makeup from the Kardashians. None for me, thanks.
Other girls: None for us, thanks. Ha! Those Kardashians!
Me: Not too proud to spray paint my face a healthy shade of tan. Sign me up!
You guys, I know that sounds bad, but have you ever seen pictures of someone who's had really good airbrush makeup done? They look like pore-less, flawless androids and I find nothing more attractive than a girl who looks like she's from an Adobe Photoshop ad. The good kind. Not the kind that ends up in an article on Cracked.com.
So! That's my week in complete and total self absorption, which I just realized is exactly what I sound like. I should clarify that I am absolutely a nice person and some the more positive things I contributed to humanity this week include getting someone into rehab (this was at work, mind you), calling every single client at the outpatient to apologize for the loss of power we had for 3 days, giving a client my banana because he said he hadn't eaten all day and was waiting for a van to inpatient, let 2 people use my hand sanitizer even though that means 2 people's hands were very dirty when they touched it, ordered Keenan's fabulous Valentine's gift(s), and did all my laundry on Monday.
That last one was for me.
So that's it! Everyone have a fantastic weekend filled with yet another unwanted snowstorm and prepare yourselves to endure one entire week of hearts and chocolate and love and red sweaters at work.
Jk, chocolate's awesome.
Jk again, love's awesome too :)
Hello, everyone! I know one of my new years resolutions was to write at least once a week, but hey, my other resolutions were to go to the gym every day, clean out my car, and remember to do my returns from Christmas, so I guess you can say I'm right on target with the not writing since I haven't done any of that stuff either.
Instead, I've been obsessively organizing my Pinterest board. It's one of my superpowers to be able to take a fun, carefree online website and turn it into another reason to wake up in the middle of the night sweating because I know that I accidentally pinned a dessert recipe to my wedding board and I have 3.7k pins that I've "liked" instead of putting them into the proper board, so yes, to answer your question, I'm just as insane as I was last year.
If I got paid to do Pinterest projects I'd still be incredibly broke, because although I am diligent about pinning things, I very rarely actually put them into practice. On Friday night, I decided to change that by making Keenan & Sean an amazing carb-free dinner of zucchini crust BBQ chipotle pizza. Sounds amazing, right? I KNOW.
I would love to show you the photos of the process and the finished product, but I got my iPhone 2 entire months ago so naturally there is no space left for photos and so I wasn't able to document the kitchen mastery I exhibited. However, I can describe it for you in just a few words, because that's a skill that chefs slash writers like me have: it was not a pizza after all. It was a big, sloppy mess that Keenan very kindly described as "kind of like a western omelette." He and Sean ate the entire thing, because they are so nice, and because they were so starving.
This is what I was going for.
The recipe told me to combine mozzarella, egg, parmesan, and shredded zucchini to make the pizza crust. I was supposed to put it on parchment paper and then voila! Green pizza for everybody. However we didn't have a food processor, we had that Magic Bullet thing, and we didn't have parchment paper, we had tin foil. So the zucchini was less shredded than liquefied, and the tin foil quickly adhered to the cheesy zucchini soup, and this resulted in Sean trying very hard to avoid getting the tin foil in his fillings because apparently that electrocutes your head or something.
I am going to be the best wife.
Speaking of which, the other thing I'm doing is having stress dreams about wedding planning while simultaneously avoiding any and all wedding planning. We have been engaged for 9 months (what?!) and I have absolutely hit a wall when it comes to talking about flowers, shoes, table numbers, and invitations. I never thought I would ever say that sentence. But here we are. And I have no shoes.
And that's pretty much all I have to talk about today. What with the weather, I've been practically held captive in my home and so the chances of me having much going on are slim to none. Other than the baby shower I went to today for my lovely friend Brynn, for which I accidentally bought a wedding shower card because I didn't read it all the way through and then was forced to climb through the passenger side of my car because I chose to wear 3 inch heels in 2.5 inches of snow, I've been pretty boring. One cool thing is that I joined a body bootcamp workout class on a whim when I saw it on Groupon, and once I came to my senses it turned out it was a nonrefundable purchase, so I'd recommend you coming back here to hear about that. Nothing will be funnier than reading about my bootcamp experiences, unless of course you have the rare privilege of being the woman behind me in class.
Also! Just as all things come full circle, so will my blog: though I have nothing much to say right now, the Grammy's are on this evening, and nothing says blog material like overpaid untalented famous people making spectacles of themselves on national TV. Plus, Taylor Swift's shoulder dancing.
See you there!
Happy new year, everybody! My new year's resolution was to wait 9 days into the new year to write my new year's post, and I don't want to rub it in in case you've already eaten a few white chocolate covered Oreos or skipped a few nights on the treadmill (two things I certainly have not done myself), but I'm clearly keeping MY resolution.
You guys! It's Kate Middleton's birthday! It is so amazing that I even have time to sit here and write this entry when obviously I am fielding phone calls from Queen Lizzie about the décor (regal) and the color scheme (champagne, obv), and the drinks (champagne, obv), and making sure Kate & I don't accidentally wear the same thing again (ugh, we just have all the same fascinators).
But these are the sacrifices I make for you guys. I take 20 minutes out of my day to write devastatingly poignant prose, and then I write a bunch of stuff that I think is funny about celebrities and I post that instead.
Kate's birthday is one of the best things that have happened this year, and I know the year is only 9 days old, but I don't think it's too soon to say things like that. Other awesome things that have happened are Keenan & I meeting with a realtor, the new season of The Bachelor starting, Downton Abbey's triumphant return, and that I have a hair appointment tonight. Ah, life! You are so great and only half of you actually takes place on television!
Keenan & I did meet with a realtor right after the new year and that was a super grown up and important thing for us to do. Of course I spent an hour in front of my closet (haha, jk, obviously my clothes are on the floor) trying to figure out what outfit would strike the right balance between "I am a serious businesswoman who will absolutely not be swayed by your attempt to make us spend way too much money" and "I will collapse in a delighted heap if you show me a shanty to live in as long as it has a fireplace and a mantle." (Pinterest has gotten me way into mantles.) Preparing to meet with the realtor felt a lot like preparing to look for wedding venues. You want them to think, ok, these people have it together, but also think, yes, I can see why someone would want to live with her for the rest of her life. You want them to think these people look like grown-ups, but also not TOO old, and that we look reasonably able to afford a nice place to live but not TOO able to afford it or else they start showing you champagne fountains and $12,000 wedding dresses and then things just get out of hand. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I guess my point is that when I say I was "preparing to meet with a realtor" I mean Keenan was running the numbers and making lists of "wants" and "needs" (aka "needs" and "needs," if you're asking me) and I was trying to figure out which shade on the Naked Palette best expressed my desire for hardwood floors and a fancy little foyer.
On Sunday my Kohl's cash was going to expire so I went there and spent a grueling 2 hours in the home section sweating over the decision between a comforter for a bed we do not have, a juicer for a kitchen we do not have (and for juice we will not make), and pillows to decorate a sofa we do not have. I was sweating and getting anxious and this just isn't the way $70 in Kohl's cash is supposed to make you feel. So finally I just went into the homegoods section and landed myself a pretty little ottoman that was originally $139.99 and then was on sale for $69.99 so I got it for FREE. I know it's tacky to talk about money but this was free so it's actually not like talking about money at all, and anyway, I love our new ottoman. It will fit nicely into the living room we do not have.
I hope everyone's ushering in of 2014 was a delight. 2013 was an important year and I think it behooves all of us to remember the most influential things that happened during those 12 months. In no particular order, I remind you that last year Kate Middleton was fabulously pregnant, and Kim Kardashian less fabulously so. The word got out that Kate was in labor and we all watched a guarded hospital door for a few hours, and then finally HRH Prince George was born unto the world! Meanwhile, in America, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West though it would be funny to name their daughter North, and then hide her from the world in an attempt to be "private" aka to sell her photos to the highest bidder. Also, Miley Cyrus showed us what she's made of (apparently just latex and a very long tongue), I got engaged (!), I survived my 11 year high school reunion, Mindy Kaling favorited one of my tweets, I was the victim of internet credit card theft, Carrie Underwood was a statue of Maria Von Trapp, I chose my wedding dress, Jessica Simpson was also pregnant
which I completely forgot about, Kate Middleton went grocery shopping, and I got an iPhone.
It was a big year.
This year, I expect will be equally fantastic. Rumor has it that Kate's pregnant again, Keenan & I get married in 219 days (but who's counting?), I'm already way into live tweeting the Bachelor and offering my unsolicited opinions on any and all girls on the show, Keenan & I are getting into the thick of house searching, I have several other fabulous weddings to attend this year (not least of all Pippa's, which of course I'll be attending despite the fact that she's not marrying a royal. Alas, we can't all be Queen), they're making like 6 of the best books ever into movies this year, and hopefully North West gets her own Instagram account.
A girl can dream.
Hello, all! Thank you for dragging yourself away from whatever end of the year Buzzfeed list you're reading about the 2013 best things about 2013 or whatever other summaries of the previous 12 months they've seen fit to write about this December.
I'm not mocking. I love Buzzfeed. I love numbered lists. And I love the new year. So for those of you into foreshadowing, I suggest you remember this paragraph.
So much has happened lately! I'm leasing my office for more days per week, Keenan got a fabulous new job, I found my bridesmaid dresses, my cousins have actually made it 8 weeks watching the same show every Wednesday, Kate Middleton wore a slinky white gown, I got 29 retweets on one tweet on Twitter, and I finally got the Urban Decay Naked Palette and yes, it's all it's cracked up to be.
I know I promised to write more frequently but obviously I have broken that promise. If you want to put that into perspective, allow me to remind you that Kate & Wills all but VOWED to have another royal baby announcement by Christmas and guess what, not a peep out of those two pips, so I guess we all just need to take a moment to understand how hard life is when you're a royal and also when you're a therapist, because Kate & I are both very busy. She's busy wearing lovely long winter coats at charity events and I'm busy looking for a replica of them in the juniors section of Target. We all have our crosses to bear.
As if all of this weren't enough reason to not be able to blog, Carrie Underwood starred in a remake of the Sound of Music, and that took me at least 3 weeks to process, so obviously I couldn't sit down long enough to focus on a blog topic.
Editor's Note: this is not implying that now I am actually going to focus on one blog topic. In fact, this is more like a dump of every single thing I've thought about ever in the past 5 weeks and now, dear, readers, you get to experience what it's like in my head all the live long day. Seriously, why can't I just be normal and pretend that my thought patterns are linear and that I have everything together, the way it appears? People meet me and they're probably like, "Yeah, she seems ok, she has her nails done and she has a master's degree and an above-average grasp of the English language" and then I'm like "MY CAR'S REGISTRATION WAS DUE IN SEPTEMBER" or "I'M ON BOOK NUMBER 48 IN A PERSONAL CHALLENGE TO READ 50 BOOKS THIS YEAR" and everyone's like, oh, ok, she's crazy.
I think I lost the track on that one. Anyway. Moving on.
Let's talk about Carrie as Maria, and a vampire as Captain Von Trapp, shall we?
First of all, let me just say:
Carrie Underwood.
Amazing legs? Check.
Flawless singing voice? Check.
Face like a stone when she starts acting? Also check.
And therein lies the problem.
You can't sing heartfelt songs as a lovable ex-nun fleeing Nazis and your future husband's love and look like a country singer in an unfortunate dress. Do, a deer, a deer in headlights. That's what I keep thinking about. It's funny and it's a good pun, but come on, lady. And while we're on the topic forgive me but did you forget the words sometimes? There is no excuse for this. I know it's more stressful when everyone's watching but allow me to just say that when i watch the Sound of Music I get every word right on the money and my entire family is watching me perform that. That's commitment. i haven't even mentioned my flawless performance of Grease, and I won't, because I like you and I like Jesus Take the Wheel. Not to mention that I was an extra in not only a TV show on NBC but in Transformers 2 in which my left shoulder played a crucial role in the party in the frat house scene. So I think i understand a little but about acting.
You can't yodel your way out of this one, Underwood.
I know I mentioned some stuff up there about my wedding (which, by the way, is 8 months away!!) and then pretty much implied that I had a more visceral reaction to a live tv production of a musical, so don't worry – I've got plenty of wedding stuff to fill you in on, if you're interested. If not, well, this is my blog and so I'm just going to keep talking about it but you can feel free to skip on down to a few paragraphs from now where I'll be talking at length about the Knorth West eyebrow waxing scandal (working on my cliffhangers. Impressed?).
So yes, I found my bridesmaids dresses! It was super simple, all I did was pick the color navy and decide on short dresses, and then switch to pink, and then switch to long, and then switch to champagne, and then get involved in an online Hong Kong dress scandal ring, and then search Pinterest for 28 weeks, and just when I thought the girls were just going to be wearing tablecloths with a piece of rope as a belt I finally found my one true love (other than Keenan, of course, and my own dress, so ok, my 3rd true love)!
It is a very strange thing to go shopping for dresses which you want to absolutely love but you don't try them on, you boss other people around and make THEM try them on, and then you don't buy them, you make OTHER people buy them, and finally you completely love them but will never get to wear them yourself. This is super weird for me because my family is so terrible at individually being the person to take the lead and we are so desperate to make sure everyone's happy that we will do pretty much anything to please everyone, which, as you might expect, leads to many enjoyable panic attacks and occasional nervous breakdowns, wheeeee! So I finally choose my dresses and then I begin to obsessively ask every single person in my wedding how they feel about them and they all say they love it so I sign the contract at which time I begin to systematically doubt my decision and ruminate on it every moment of every day until I finally just delete the picture of it off my phone because I just. can't. stop. looking for flaws.
I'm having the best time!!!
Also I've done such a good job of keeping all of my wedding details to myself that now I've become completely neurotic about worrying that I'm telling people things I don't want them to know, like my wedding is some kind of hugely anticipated live-for-tv remake of a beloved american musical (see what I did there?). I am under no illusions that anyone cares if they're "surprised" or not by the venue or the decor or the color scheme, all details that I have inexplicably dubbed "classified," and it all started out with me not telling anyone what my wedding dress looks like and has branched out to the point that I don't even know if anyone knows Keenan's definitely the groom, maybe that's just a red herring I tossed in to throw everybody off, now wouldn't THAT be a big surprise?!
I am doing really great.
So I promised that I would talk about Knorth West's eyebrows, but honestly, what else is there to say? The media says Kim is waxing her 5 month old baby's eyebrows, and Kim says she's not. I think we all know who to believe here.
And that news, my friends, is my Christmas gift to you. You're welcome.
I'm back! I know I promised I'd be more consistent with my posts but to be perfectly honest HRH Kate Middleton promised us another royal baby announcement by Christmas and here we are, 31 days from baby Jesus' birthday, and nothing. Nothing. So forgive me if I'm not more consistent than the royal family. Forgive me.
As always, I have reasons. In no particular order, I have been:
1) still thinking about Kim Kardashian's engagement and how she thinks she's perfected the "I'm just fixing my hair, oh this old thing?" even though Kate started it and I copied.
2) preparing for my 11 year high school reunion by being the most useless member of the reunion party planning committee
3) seeing the midnight showing of Catching Fire with 3 other adults and 200 high school kids (don't worry, we were first in line. Sorry, kids, age before people who didn't read the books.)
4) decorating my office for Christmas so I feel less depressed while I'm there (it's an experiment, and the control group is every day of the rest of my life)
5) staring at my new iPhone because after a year without one, a lot has changed and I absolutely need to read the entire internet before it's too late
6) choosing bridesmaids dresses! Wahoo!
8) Getting my tweet favorited by Mindy Kaling. Natch.
So. I've been busy. But please don't get jealous. Those other blogs mean nothing! I thought about you the whole time!
Obviously the reunion was the biggest thing that's happened so far this month, though my new champagne iPhone which matches my wedding and yes that is the primary reason I picked it is a close second and we can talk about that later. I was flipping through my yearbook before the big reunion night and, as you may be aware, I graduated in the year when it was very important that everyone KEEP IN TOUCH and NEVER CHANGE and that we all loved each other like SISTERS or at least, you know, commented on each other's pictures on Facebook once in a while. "Never change," people kept writing to me. Well, never fear, classmates. I still have hair frizz issues, it still took me 45 minutes to pick an outfit, I still have the gorgeous skin of an adolescent, and I still don't know what to do with my arms in pictures!
Quick story about the adolescent skin thing: you must be thinking right now, "Oh, Sandi, you're so self deprecating and funny and not at all serious. You look fine in your pictures!" Well, folks, I am sponsored by the Instagram filter that makes me look that way. Once I was in the mall and this man working at one of those carts who always see a sucker from a mile away calls me over. Of course I go, because in this story, *SPOILER ALERT*, I'm the sucker. He's selling skin products, and this is his intro:
Him: Would you like to try my face lotion?
Me: No, I'm fine, thank you.
Him: Are you sure? How old are you?
Me: Why? How old do you think I am?
Him: 19.
Me: You're my favorite person in the world right now. I'm 28.
Him: Yes, I think you are 19 because of the pimples.
Me: Oh. Is this, like, a sales technique?
So. There's that.
Cousins, before & after.
Anyway, the reunion. There was a good turnout, lots of jokes about teachers who didn't show up (all of them), reminiscing about embarrassing things that happened in class, and everyone drinking together, legally, for the first time ever. But you know what? You'd think that Facebook would kind of make things easier, right? Like, you recognize everybody, and you kind of know what they're up to, and maybe you liked a picture of their engagement ring or something so they know you still exist. But instead of making it more normal to talk to each other, it made things super awkward and more like meeting celebrities than seeing old friends. Like, "ooh, I know you from the internet!" and you're thinking, how much do I know because you or someone else told me, and how much do I know because I stalked your Facebook so intensely that I ended up looking at pictures of your mother and her friends on a girls' weekend in Atlantic City?
I said to Keenan, "I guess I should have prepared some questions in case things get awkward." "Stick with family and work," he suggested. "I already know all that stuff!" I exclaimed. "What do I ask them?!" So I started out with compliments but slowly we all slid down the slippery slope and started commenting on people's children who we'd never met and weddings that we hadn't attended. "I hear your son is sleeping through the night now," I said to a person who I last saw bonging a beer at a graduation party. "I see that your morning commute is a nightmare." I don't think anyone asked me a question all night; they just commented on what they'd already seen. We were like a room of creepy stalkers, and it was socially acceptable to admit it. A Creepy Stalker Convention.
And I'm on the committee.
Ladies and gentlemen: I've been robbed.
I know. I can't believe it either. Here I am, just having faith in humanity and trying to be a GOOD PERSON and doing what I'm supposed to do (except for registering my car; I still haven't registered my car. AGAIN. Whatever.) and then I get a letter in the mail that HOORAY! I finally get picked for jury duty!
I imagine that your reaction to that statement is pretty similar to everyone else who I told this story to: you want to know why I'd want jury duty, as I'm apparently the only person in the country who actually wants it.
When I got the questionnaire, I knew all the ways to beat the system and not get picked: say you've been a victim of a crime, say you're biased against people, say you work for yourself. So I did the exact opposite of that. I was the least victimized, most fair, less employed person in the world. I mailed that sucker in and then I just waited, and waited, and fantasized about the awesome people I would meet and the great opportunities I would have for talking people into taking my side of an argument (hello, dream come true), and picking out cute clothes for court, and maybe even a 12 Angry Men situation in which I, of course, was Henry Fonda. It's my duty, NAY, my RIGHT, as an American citizen, and by God I wanted to report for duty!
But I wasn't picked. They didn't want me! I marched my heels and sensible pants and cheeky blazer (an excellent choice for the first day) into that courthouse and saluted the Judge and my enthusiasm just was too much for them, maybe. "Stand down, soldier." I could imagine them saying. "At ease." Except that none of this happened, because now you can just log onto a website and type in your ID and find out that no, you weren't selected, carry on with your day, don't even show up, I don't want to see your blazer. Soldier.
I was robbed. I deserved that spot, I earned it, and I bet you there's some girl on that jury right now who didn't even WANT to be there, probably isn't even listening to the proceedings and has probably never seen one episode of Criminal Minds and, not to be catty, but she probably isn't even wearing heels. That girl robbed me. So THAT dream was shattered.
THEN! I was robbed again. Only this time, I was really and truly and ACTUALLY robbed! Can you even believe this?!
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sandi and I am the worst bride in the world. I have been doing exactly nothing in lieu of looking for bridesmaid dresses. My mother has tried her best to be super un-annoying about it and therefore has only asked me roughly nine thousand times if I've thought of any ideas for dresses for the girls. So the other day I'm on Facebook
playing level 99 of Candy Crush doing something very serious and important when what do I see but an ad for a bridesmaid dress shop! A few people have actually mentioned it to me and it turns out it's completely adorable and one of the first places I've found with dresses I can imagine being in my wedding. I order a few swatches to try out some color options and 2 dresses which, I confirm, are fully refundable. I am super excited and finally feel like I didn't just invent a nonexistent dress in my head which I'll never, ever find, which is ordinarily the story of my life. I am elated. I am ecstatic.
Two days later the bank calls. Did I purchase items from a baby & infant boutique in Hong Kong? Um, no. No I did not. Unfortunately, however, my bank statement says otherwise.
"I cannot believe this!" I exclaim to the bank lady. "I am a victim of fraud!" I couldn't stop exclaiming that. It all just seemed so serious when you threw the word "fraud" in there. "I've been robbed! And I am not an idiot! This website looked legit! Do you want to log on and see for yourself?!" She does not. "I promise you I don't fall for things like this. I've never, like, sponsored an Egyptian princess after reading an email forward or anything. I'm smart." I actually said this. Then I immediately prayed she wasn't Egyptian, a princess, or my mother or aunts who actually spent the better part of the early 2000s sending those email forwards around.
I did eventually get my money back, but what a debacle – not to mention the fact that my dream bridesmaid dress is now officially GONE and I'm back to square one. Had this happened before the jury duty paperwork arrived, I would have HAD to check the "victim of a crime" box, because a liar I am not. So thank God for the timing of this little nightmare. Silver lining!
I know what you're thinking. Yes, it's true I've been a little lax on the blogging lately. But in case you weren't aware, we threw my parents a 30th surprise anniversary extravaganza
nightmare party, and that was last Saturday, and it has taken me exactly 192 hours to recover from that, and now here I am, back and better than ever. You're welcome.
We invited 70 people to our house and just kind of conveniently forgot to plan how to get my parents out of the way for 3 hours in order to set up and get everyone here and then shush them for 45 minutes and then yell "Surprise!" and also "I'm sorry there are so many people in your house!"
I was a total lunatic throughout the planning and even worse than that during the day OF the party. My parents predictably refused to leave the house until 4:55pm and the first party guest showed up at 5:02pm. By the time more people started arriving, almost nothing was ready and I had literally sweated through my dress. My sister pointed this out to me and I almost died. "What is this?!" I thought, panicked. "Is my body actually CRYING from the exertion of this party planning?!" People started asking me what they could do to help and I was actually giving them assignments and they were all shooting each other nervous glances and I'm pretty sure they were saying to each other, "I talked to her a few weeks ago and she seemed ok and then she had this whole party to plan, and now I guess she's on crack."
It was horrific, but my mother cried and my dad yelled "WHAT DA HELL" when he saw us all in the backyard, so really it turned into quite the big success.
Then I got the flu for 3 days, which was awesome, and at one point on Monday I actually had the thought, "What if I die? What if I actually die? That will be so embarrassing. I have to clean out my car." I mean, it's bad enough that if I had died on Monday I would need to be posthumously published. I don't need to be posthumously judged, too.
But then I got better, and my car's still a mess. So. YOLO.
It's been a big week for my family.
The other thing I did in the past week is attend both my brother's art show at SJU and my sister's concert at the Trocadero. If you want to think of something hilarious, try to picture me in hoop earrings and heels while surrounded by artsy fedora people with strong opinions about life and art and, I don't know, probably my smoky eye makeup. Philip & Carol were phenomenal but I couldn't help but observe the way that my mother & I looked like "hey, who brought the chaperones?" at the concert and finally I just gave up trying to look cool and obscure and just took out my crappy Blackberry and started pretending to text someone, while really I was just typing funny comments about the people around me that I could use in my blog later.
My mother and I went to my sister's show alone because we're really cool and don't need a crowd to prove it. The man at the front desk collecting money looks like the UnSub in about 12 episodes of Criminal Minds, and he's clearly judging us for being old and also probably for my choice to wear a blazer unironically to a concert venue. We settle in to our seats and in walk 50 other people who are wearing carefully constructed outfits that scream I just rolled out of bed, I don't care, I don't care, I made this necklace out of organically grown hemp and an old button, I don't care, these shoes are actually ace bandages, this tshirt was 42 dollars at Urban Outfitters, whatever.
I shopped at Urban Outfitters once. I thought it was a thrift store. Then I realized the scarf I had in my hand cost 97 dollars and was hand sewn by a conscientious objector and her shirtless boyfriend. So I put it down and went to H&M instead. Those Europeans really know what they're doing with the discount clothing.
So, back at the venue, everyone was drinking either PBR or warm craft beer. Everyone had on
tshirts that may or may not have been preowned. They're all in a competition to see whose hair looks the least high-maintanence, and they're all winning. I was waiting for someone to break out the clove cigarettes and an old instamatic camera when finally, finally, another person with hoop earrings showed up. It's my cousin. Phew. But these heels were clearly a mistake. I look like I care way too much. Hanging out with a bunch of 20 year olds is the fastest way to feel bad about wearing brand new clothing purchased at a reputable store without a go-green motto. Sorry I didn't wear a recyclable trash bag out tonight, guys. Thought I'd go with skinny jeans and heels. My bad.
I settle in to fake-text my friends and play a rousing game of Hipster or Homeless. I can picture them having a conversation before heading out for the night: "No I can't afford any clothes, no I can't afford any clothes! " Listen, you guys, the economy is crap. NONE of us can afford any clothes. But you don't have to flaunt it. Plus I know that shirt just looks pre-worn. It's probably more expensive than mine.
Carol puts on a phenomenal little concert and I sufficiently humiliate her by taking pictures from every possible angle, including kneeling on the ground, which in retrospect was probably unnecessary and also kind of embarrassing to me as well as to her. Like, relax, lady, you don't work for the school paper. Grab an IPA and have a seat. Once Carol is done, we decide to stick around to hear the next band and get exactly one song in before my mother looks incredibly confused and disturbed. "Why aren't there any instruments?" she screams into my ear. "They don't play instruments," I yelled back. "It's an electronic band. They play computers." I saw the look on my mother's face, and I could read her expression and I knew exactly what she was thinking: I could have gotten up there and played Candy Crush for 45 minutes for a $10 cover charge.
So that's a week in the life of Sandi. Other than that, my big excitement has been trying to avoid Downton spoilers but K. Middleton keeps texting me every Sunday night like clockwork (jk Kate! Call me girrrrl!) and I just don't know how I'll make it to January without seeing how the Dowager is doing when all my pals over the pond are enjoying it as we speak.
Life is hard.


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ohanapictures's Video ChannelLast Updated 2008-09-20T00:00:00
The California Mission: Protect Marriage
God's word is clear - we as believers are to proclaim the truth, be unashamed, and be willing to change and to challenge ourselves. One pastor in California has heard God's call to walk the state, praying for the people, for the government, for the elections and propositions, and for the future of our country. He has walked from the Mexican border, through San Diego, Orange, Los Angeles, Ventura Counties and all the way into Kern County, heading for Sacramento. We must take a stand on God's word now - we are weighed in the balance as a state and a country. Join us in praying to pass Prop 8 in California, and in praying for revival throughout the lands in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord.
Posted 2008-09-20T00:00:00
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SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (WTAQ) - A federal judge in San Francisco has ruled that California's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional.
Proposition 8 was approved by California voters in 2008 and defines marriage in that state as a union of a man and a woman. Opponents of the ban had argued that the measure violates the 14th Amendment guaranteeing equal protection under the law.
The losing side in today's decision sees same-gender marriage as a threat to the so-called traditional family.
This was the first skirmish in what promises to be a protracted legal war. Both sides of the issue have promised appeals to the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals and eventually to the U.S. Supreme Court.,


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NBA fans waited for the return of Derrick Rose with unwavering excitement last year, wondering if he would play this day or the next, if there would be an announcement or if he'd make a surprise appearance in Willis Reed-like fashion.
Rose received loads of criticism for his lengthy recovery, and while it may not have been fair to bash a player for taking his time rehabbing a serious injury, Rose certainly could have eased the verbal barrage by giving some insight as to when he felt he could return. It wasn't until July that Rose revealed that after receiving medical clearance he still could not handle double-teams, and he wasn't going to play until he could improve in that area.
The speculation could have been decreased drastically if Rose or the Chicago Bulls simply kept the media updated on the former MVP's recovery. In a world where news is seemingly broken before it even happens, sports fans have no patience to wait weeks at a time without an update on a superstar's injury status - if there are no facts to be shared, fans will come up with their own theories as to what is going on behind the scenes.
Fortunately, it appears that speculation is no longer necessary when it comes to Derrick Rose and his recovery from knee surgery. Rose told reporters over the weekend that he is now 100 percent healthy and will be ready for the start of the regular season.
The news doesn't come as much of a surprise, as it would have been shocking to see Rose still recovering at the start of the 2013-14 season, 18 months since injuring his knee back in the 2012 NBA Playoffs. On the heels of players like Adrian Peterson making superhuman recoveries from knee surgery, it seems like Rose should have been back months ago, but you can't really blame a player for wanting to make sure his body is ready (from both a health and performance standpoint) before returning to action.
Over the past month, quotes from head coach Tom Thibodeau have been overwhelmingly positive. He claims that Rose's explosiveness is back to where it was before the injury, and says that Rose is much more confident in himself, which is perhaps the best news Bulls fans can receive. Rose is not being limited at all in his preparation for training camp, so there is no reason to think he won't be ready to roll when that time comes around.
Having sat out the entire 2012-13 season, Rose will now have the benefit of playing in preseason games before being thrown into regular season action. As a result, there should not be as much rust as if Rose had returned in the middle of last season. It still may take a few weeks of the regular season for him to return to the MVP-caliber player that he once was, but he should be racking up points in regular Derrick Rose fashion after not too long.
Derrick Rose says he 100 percent healthy, will be ready for season opener
Derrick Rose says he's 100 percent healthy, will be ready for season opener
7/15/13 in NBA | Matthew_Shovlin | 735 respect


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When will interest rates rise?by Tim Manni
When will interest rates rise?
Interest rates will rise when the economy shows some consistent signs of recovery. Interest rates will rise when "fight to safety" investments become less favorable in the eyes of investors. Interest rates will rise when the yields on those safe investments — such as the 10-year Treasury — aren't high enough to keep investors interested:
Mortgage rates are of course one of those market interest rates, influenced by the yields on risk-free investments such as Treasury securities. Spreads between Treasuries and mortgages had widened appreciably in recent weeks, owing more to a desire for safety than a disdain for mortgage investments. The yield on the 10-year Treasury has risen by about 15 basis points (0.15%) over the last [few] weeks, but only a little of that increase has passed through to mortgage rates, which hold near record lows.
Despite holding near record lows, mortgage rates did manage to increase a little last week:
HSH's overall mortgage monitor — our weekly Fixed-Rate Mortgage Indicator (FRMI) — saw its average interest rate lifted by two basis points to close our survey at an average 4.78%, back to where it was [almost three] weeks ago. The FRMI includes rates for conforming, jumbo, and most recently the GSE's "high-limit" conforming products and so covers much of the mortgage-borrowing public. Following its fixed-rate cousin, the average rate for Hybrid 5/1 ARM also moved two basis points higher, ending the week at 3.75%.
CLICK HERE to continue reading the latest issue of our Market Trends Newsletter, "Better News: Rates Rise (a little)."
HSH.com's free Market Trends Newsletter, an in-depth analysis of various financial markets from the week prior, is published every Monday. Email subscribers receive it in their inbox Friday night, so sign up today! Also, be sure to check in with our Market Trends blog for all news relating to any weekly shift in mortgage rates.
-New Two-Month Forecast for Mortgage Rates coming later this month-


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Entire family loves it! Very easy to make too!
Pan-Seared Beef Filet with Green Peppercorn Sauce
Photo: Randy Mayor; Styling: Melanie J. Clarke
Our version of the classic dish coats the steaks with black peppercorns before searing. Then they're topped with a green peppercorn sauce finished with butter. Serve with creamy mashed potatoes and a green salad.
Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 steak and 2 tablespoons sauce)
More From Cooking Light
Nutritional Information
Amount per serving
- Calories: 197
- Calories from fat: 38%
- Fat: 8.4g
- Saturated fat: 3.3g
- Monounsaturated fat: 3.2g
- Polyunsaturated fat: 0.4g
- Protein: 25.9g
- Carbohydrate: 3.3g
- Fiber: 0.3g
- Cholesterol: 78mg
- Iron: 2.1mg
- Sodium: 274mg
- Calcium: 36mg
- 4 (4-ounce) beef tenderloin steaks, trimmed (1 inch thick)
- 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
- 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
- Cooking spray
- 1/4 cup finely chopped shallots (about 2 medium)
- 1/2 cup dry red wine
- 3/4 cup fat-free, less-sodium beef broth
- 1 teaspoon freshly ground green peppercorns
- 1 teaspoon cornstarch
- 1 teaspoon water
- 1 teaspoon butter
- Sprinkle steaks with black pepper and salt. Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add steaks; cook 3 minutes on each side or until desired degree of doneness. Remove from pan; keep warm.
- Add shallots to pan; sauté 30 seconds. Stir in wine; cook 2 minutes or until liquid is almost evaporated. Stir in broth and green pepper; cook 2 minutes. Combine cornstarch and 1 teaspoon water in a small bowl. Add cornstarch mixture to pan; bring to a boil. Cook 1 minute or until slightly thickened, stirring constantly. Remove from heat; add butter, stirring until butter melts. Spoon sauce evenly over steaks.
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Pan-Seared Beef Filet with Green Peppercorn Sauce Recipe at a Glance
- COURSE: Main Dishes
- CONVENIENCE: Entertaining
- CUISINE: American
- MAIN INGREDIENT: Beef
- DIETARY CONSIDERATION: Low Carbohydrate
- OCCASION: Autumn, Spring, Summer
- PUBLICATION: Cooking Light
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New York University - Cogeneration Plant Expansion
In order to meet the increasing demands for electricity, New York University (NYU) expanded its existing cogeneration plant on the Greenwich Village campus.
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As a result of this investment in infrastructure development, the customer has carbon reductions totaling approximately 36,000 metric tons per year.
Industrial and large commercial facilities such as medical, institutional and research buildings have high process loads and heating and cooling requirements that are critical to the day-to-day operations of their business. These facilities require both thermal energy and electricity, which have traditionally been produced in two separate processes. With Combined Heat and Power (CHP) technology, also known as cogeneration, energy and electricity can be produced as a single process and can use energy twice as efficiently as a traditional energy delivery model.
CHP is when waste heat is captured during electricity production and utilized as thermal energy. This use of an otherwise wasted resource results in increased efficiency, significant energy cost savings and increased reliability. In addition, the higher fuel efficiency will result in lower emissions per unit of power produced compared to traditional electrical and steam generating units.
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Think Mexico is only for spring breakers on a beach, coconut drink and pink umbrella in hand? Think again.
Adventurous visitors willing to branch out from well-traveled haunts like Puerto Vallarta or the Riviera Maya will be rewarded with singular experiences, from a freshwater lagoon in Quintana Roo to a treasure-trove of Mayan handicrafts in a stunning colonial town. Leave the crowded coast behind and stumble upon un-excavated pyramids rising from the jungle, warm swimming holes carved from limestone beneath the earth or a tranquil fishing village on the Pacific.
With a bargain exchange rate, picture-perfect spring weather, and easy access from the East Coast, you'll discover some of the country's most dynamic, least-known national delights in a world far from Cancun and the cruise ships.
1. Bacalar, Quintana Roo
If off-the-beaten path, no-one-I-know-has-been-there-before is what you're after, look no further than Bacalar, at the southern tip of Quintana Roo, just 20 miles from the Belize border. The remote town's claim to fame? An enchanting 40-mile freshwater lagoon known as Lago de Seis Colores, the Lake of Seven Colors. Its turquoise hues and breathtakingly clear water bring Tahiti to mind, and its calm surface makes for terrific kayaking, bird-watching, and swimming.
Nearby is the Cenote Azul, a "holy hole" of spring water that's about a half-mile wide and rumored to be 600 feet deep. Wile away an afternoon at its casual eatery with a diving platform on the roof or head into town where kids can climb on real cannons at the 18th-century San Felipe Fort. Backwater Bacalar was instrumental in guarding against pirates coming from the Caribbean to get to mainland Mexico.
For rustic digs with a great view, check into the Rancho Encantado (encantado.com), a collection of bungalows on the lagoon. Its open-air restaurant with a towering palm-thatched roof serves up American-style cuisine three times a day. There's also a heated Jacuzzi, a massage hut on stilts and a long dock with cabana and hammocks. This is the place to be when night falls, watching stars cascade over the dark sky, sipping tequila with other guests.
Just 45 minutes from Bacalar is one of Mexico's most unexplored Mayan ruins, Kohunlich. Indiana Jones himself would enjoy the unexcavated labyrinth of pyramids, altars and ball courts rising from the jungle understory. If you've experienced the crowds at Chichén Itza, the absolute quiet — except for the chatter of monkeys, toucans, and crickets — will astound you. An impressive place to stay just outside the ruins is Explorean Kohunlich with its 40 bungalows and infinity edge pool overlooking the jungle (explorean.com).
2. Troncones, Guerrero
For beach lovers who like their solitude and seek out something wholly different from the crowded shores of the Rivera Maya, there's the undiscovered surf town of Troncones on the Pacific Ocean. Just 40 minutes west of an international airport serving the glitzy high-rises of Ixtapa/Zihuatanejo, this sleepy seaside village has somehow flown under the radar of developers and travelers alike.
The action here runs along one red dirt road, which bisects the lush hillside on one side, and the crashing waves of the Pacific on the other. With a handful of restaurants, nearly all seafood-oriented and the dig-your-toes-in-the-sand-with-a-really-cold-beer variety, Troncones is truly a one-horse kind of town.
Besides the empty beaches and the black rocks that rise dramatically from the sea, other treats await the intrepid traveler. Kids can learn to surf with Mike at Tsunami Surf, or ride horses bareback on the beach. The chef in the family can flag down the fish truck that trolls the main road selling mackerel, grouper, sailfish and mahi-mahi pulled from the ocean that morning. Whether you're staying in a vacation home or a guesthouse, you'll be able to cook it that evening with a squeeze of lime and a pinch of sea salt. Roadside vendors sell 10-pound burlap sacks of this gourmet spice for about $2.
Lodging runs the gamut from B&Bs and small inns to private, staffed luxury villas — two favorites are Casa Teresa (casateresatroncones.com) and Casa Dos Peces (www.vrbo.com/305698). The yoga crowd does downward dog at Present Moment Retreat on a mahogany platform next to the surf. Its palapa-styled restaurant serves up some of the best breakfasts in town. (presentmomentretreat.com). Great for the kids is the tranquil Inn at Manzanillo Bay on the beach's calmest stretch of see-through water (manzanillobay.com).
3. San Cristobal de Las Casas, Chiapas
The state of Chiapas, sharing a long coastline with the Pacific Ocean and a southern border with Guatemala, is home to one of Mexico's largest Mayan populations — about a million strong. Despite its quirky independent streak — the Maya still dress in the colors and costume of their individual villages — Chiapas has a worldly element.
Its cultural and commercial heart is the colorful and lively San Cristobal de las Casas, a town full of art galleries, coffee shops, indie bars with live music, and international outdoor cafes lining the its pedestrian-only walkways. Once a stop for international vagabonds on Central America's Mayan-ruin circuit, San Cristobal is revving up and now has a new luxury lodging option, the Hotel Bo (hotelbo.mx).
The town made global news two decades ago during a 12-day Zapatista rebellion. Though there's evidence of the uprising in the political graffiti and kitsch memorabilia, more notable are the brilliant blue skies, colonial architecture, dark-roast coffee, and a stunning textile and handicraft industry. Its weavings are arguably the finest in Mexico and its co-ops allow indigenous women from surrounding villages to bring their best pieces to the tourist trade.
Try not to miss the Sunday market at Tenejapa, a strictly local affair where foreigners are so few that you'll find folks staring at you, especially if you're over 5 feet tall. As you stroll the narrow outdoor aisles lined with Tenejapans selling what Tenejapans need, suss out fabulous finds on hand-woven felts, textiles, pom-pom-adorned wool purses, and white woven sashes (worn by the men only) that double as table runners. The town is a 45-minute, 100-peso cab ride from San Cristobal.
4. Izamal, Yucatan
In the interior of the humid Yucatán, a mere two hours west of the hustle of Cancun, lies the pretty, tranquil town of Izamal, where buildings are all painted egg-yolk yellow in honor of the first papal visit to Mexico 20 years ago.


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We are taking reservations for fall activities in the beautiful Methow Valley - Your North Cascade Mountain vacation paradise!
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Students with school work that needs a computer who are signing in for study hall must to be in the lab before the late bell rings. Once signed into the lab, it is for the period. Students may not come and go during study halls or lunch periods to minimize disruptions to other classes. Students without work will not be admitted to the computer lab.
Check the posted lab schedules to see which lab has room. Lateness due to walking to all labs will be unexcused.
Students coming from lunch:
Students with a class:
Jump drives may be inserted in USB ports to transfer files.
Movie storage:


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The dark and twisted world of True Detective is at your fingertips. Shop all the True Detective gear on the official HBO store.
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- True Detective Scenic Sun T-Shirt
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- True Detective Touch Darkness Poster [11x17]
- 4.7(6 reviews)
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Was £35.00
Now £20.00
42% Off
Save a total of £15.00
Warehouse zip back polo jumper
Item No.58606_6353063577
This zip back polo jumper is constructed from a knitted fabric. It features rib detail on the cuffs, hem and polo neck. It fastens at the reverse with a gold-tone exposed zip. Length approximately: 66cm/ 26 inches. Height of model shown: 5ft 10 inches/178cm. Model wears: UK size 10.
- 18% Polyamide,2% Elastane,80% Viscose
- Machine Washable
Debenhams is happy to exchange or refund your purchase within 28 days providing the goods are in a fully resaleable condition (including tags) and not within the exclusion policy*. This policy does not affect your statutory rights. You can return unwanted items either by visiting your local store (the fastest way to get a refund), by arranging a courier collection or returning by post. Exclusions apply to selected products. For instructions on how to return products and information on Debenhams refund policy visit the returns and refunds section of the website.


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What will Visanthe Shiancoe's role be in Baltimore?
Visanthe Shiancoe has just two-and-a-half training camp practices with the Ravens under the belt, but early indications are that the veteran tight end could play a role similar to the one that Ed Dickson played last year.
By Matt Vensel
August 1, 2013


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Indian Institute of Foreign Trade (IIFT) has announced admission for MBA (IB) 2014-16 Batch!!
Written exam will be conducted on 24th November, 2013 and students who clear the cutoffs in it would need to appear for Group Discussion, Essay Writing and Personal Interview in second phase of admission process.
Written Test will be conducted in 20 cities all over India.
Foreign Nationals / NRIs / Children of NRI need to apply through GMAT. Taking IIFT written exam conducted in India is not mandatory for them to apply.
Following are the important Dates:
Last date for obtaining prospectus through post : 20 August, 2013
Last date for obtaining prospectus across counters at IIFT : 3 September, 2013
Last date for receipt of Applications: 3 September, 2013
Last date for receipt of Applications from Foreign Nationals / NRI : 15th February, 2014
Written Examination : 24 November, 2013 (10 AM to 12 noon)
For more details , Please refer to the official website
All the best,
Team CareerAnna