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By Stephen Pierce
A community meeting on Wednesday night will inform Vallejo residents on a proposed day reporting center project that seeks to improve the transition of former state prisoners back into their former community of Vallejo.
The information session will be held at 7 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 14 at the Bay Terrace Theater, 51 Daniels Ave. in Vallejo. County officials are encouraging Vallejo residents, especially those who live near the proposed site at the County's existing campus at 355 Tuolumne St., to come learn about the role of the day reporting center in a broader strategy to reduce offender recidivism through positive, sustained change in behavior.
"We are going to talk about what we need to do for Vallejoans coming home after they've served their time in prison," said Supervisor Barbara Kondylis. "Experience has taught us that if we as a community don't do something to help change their outlook on life and the options they see for themselves, we can count on them committing new crimes and going back to jail."
Under the proposal, the County would operate a day reporting center for up to 75 Vallejo residents on Post Release Community Supervision at the County campus at 355 Tuolumne St. in Vallejo. Post Release Community Supervision is a new category of supervision for parolees from the state prison system that are now supervised by county probation departments as a result of a statewide program implemented in September 2011, known as public safety realignment, that shifted responsibility for various public safety services to local jurisdictions.
The day reporting center will serve as a central hub for individuals on Post Release Community Supervision to comply with supervision requirements and to receive services designed to increase their chances of a successful transition back into their community, such as learning how to modify behaviors that lead to criminal activity and acquiring the skills necessary to get and keep a job. The participants will also receive services to address mental health and substance abuse issues as well as other social service needs.
The Tuolumne location was selected because all of the County services needed for the program were on the consolidated campus. In addition, the participants are already visiting the campus as part of their supervision by the Solano County Probation Department and the location was accessible by public transportation. "We want the community to understand what a day reporting center is and what it is not," said Supervisor Linda Seifert. "It's also important for the community to understand where the idea came from and who has been part of this collaborative effort that's been focused on one common goal – making our community safer."
Community input gathered at the session will inform the discussion of the proposal at the Board of Supervisors meeting on Tuesday, Dec. 4. If approved, the day reporting center is anticipated to open in February 2013.
Public Safety Realignment The day reporting center concept is part of a statewide change in how certain groups of people in the criminal justice system are handled. The 2011 Public Safety Realignment – enabled by AB 109 and several companion pieces of legislation – shifted to the counties some of the state's duties and responsibilities associated with the sentencing and supervision of individuals convicted of felony offenses.
This was the state's strategy to comply with a 2009 federal court order to reduce the state's burgeoning prison population. "This fundamentally changed how we handled the people entering and leaving the criminal justice system," said Solano County Chief Probation Officer Christopher Hansen. As a result of this "realignment" legislation, sentencing practices by local courts were altered, the housing of convicted non-violent offenders and parole violators shifted to county jails, and the supervision of paroled non-violent, non-serious, and non-sex offenders became the responsibility of county probation departments.
In 2013, local courts will become responsible for conducting parole hearings.
When the state shifted these functions to the counties, the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation (CDCR) estimated over the first three years of the new process about 370 offenders would return to Solano County under the new Post Release Community Supervision program. The CDCR also estimated about 324 offenders would be housed in the county jail due to parole violations or to serve their sentence locally in lieu of going to state prison. CDCR's estimates were conservative. As of Oct. 31, a total of 425 offenders have returned to Solano County for Post Release Community Supervision.
An estimated 43 percent of the jail population is attributed to public safety realignment: 174 parole violators and 185 offenders serving former prison sentences locally. "The reduction in the state's prison population is now a community problem. State officials believed local jurisdictions were better positioned to reduce the recidivism of their own residents," said Hansen.
A key component of the realignment legislation was the requirement for counties to develop a comprehensive strategy on how to comply with the new mandates. The Board of Supervisors approved the Solano County Public Safety Realignment Act Implementation Plan on Nov. 1, 2011, which included the concept of a day reporting center as one of its effective service delivery strategies to address the offender population returning home under the Post Release Community Supervision program.
Community Corrections Partnership Organizing this local realignment effort over the last 15 months has been the responsibility of the Community Corrections Partnership (CCP), a cadre of local government agencies and community-based organization charged under the realignment legislation to manage this shift in responsibilities.
The overall objective of the CCP is to reduce the recidivism rate of adult offenders in the local criminal justice system. Membership in this planning and advisory body is prescribed in the enabling realignment legislation. The membership includes the Chief Probation Officer, the Presiding Judge of the Superior Court, a County Supervisor or County Administrator, the District Attorney, the Public Defender, the Sheriff, the Director of Health and Social Services, the County Superintendent of Education, a local chief of police, a community-based organization with experience in successfully providing rehabilitative services to persons convicted of criminal offenses, and an individual who represents the interests of victims.
With that objective in mind, the Solano County CCP has held 20 public meetings to develop the various components of the Solano County Public Safety Realignment Act Implementation Plan. They made site visits to communities throughout the region to learn about successful programs in changing the behavior of people in the criminal justice system.
These site visits included touring day reporting centers, such as the center in Napa that opened in January 2009, to see how they operate and how the results were positively impacting those communities. "We were impressed with how the day reporting centers were achieving getting results," said Hansen, who serves as chair of the Community Corrections Partnership.
As the realignment strategies developed, the CCP kept the Board of Supervisors informed. The CCP has recommended and the Board of Supervisors has adopted various measures to implement the realignment strategy, including re-opening an 80-bed section in the Claybank Sentenced Detention Facility to house additional population stemming from new AB109 population, increased capacity for Health and Social Services to provide substance abuse and mental health placements, and a researcher position in the Probation Department to compile and track the data necessary to monitor the new offender population.
Repeatedly, the CCP reiterated the role of day reporting centers as part of the overall long-term strategy. At its Aug. 28, 2012 meeting, the Board of Supervisors approved hiring a consultant to provide technical assistance in establishing a pilot day reporting center in Vallejo.
On Oct. 17, 2012, the CCP finalized its Day Reporting Center Implementation Plan Framework and took action recommending the Board of Supervisors approve $1.5 million in funding to establish and staff the day reporting center.
The community statistics tell the story as to why the CCP recommended the first day reporting center to be located in Vallejo. Forty-one (41) percent of the 322 offenders currently in the Post Community Release Program hail from Vallejo, followed by 33 percent from Fairfield, and 14 percent from Vacaville.
A second day reporting center is envisioned for Fairfield after the Vallejo location is up and running. "Our greatest chance of success is to bring the programs and services to the offenders," Hansen said.
The final details of the day reporting center plan were outlined to the Board of Supervisors on Nov. 6, 2012. It focused on eight core elements needed for a successful program. They include:
· Cognitive behavioral groups using evidence-based programs.
· Mental health/ substance abuse assessments tools using evidence-based practices.
· Mental health/ substance abuse treatment groups using evidence-based practices and certified addiction counselors and peer mentors.
· GED, high school diploma and literacy services. · Job readiness training and employability skills.
· Drug testing.
· Eligibility benefits and other social services - both online self-service and in-person benefit assistance.
· Transportation and housing assistance.
"This is a positive for Vallejo," said Supervisor Seifert. "We expect the program to improve the safety of our community by reducing criminal activity."
Additional information about the day reporting center plan can be found on the Probation Department website under Community Corrections Partnership or go to www.solanocounty.com/ccp.


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Magnaverde's Scoop: From Small Cool to A Big Shelter Mag
One of the best moments of the Design Meetup last Thursday was hearing the big news from Bart aka Magnaverde, long time AT:Chicago reader and an entrant in last year's Small Cool Contest. It seems the editors of a certain magazine check out the AT contest and are including his small cool apartment in an upcoming issue...
We don't want to spill all the details in case it needs to be officially "off the record" for the moment, but rest assured, we are looking forward to blogging the piece on Bart's 547 sq. ft. studio when it hits the newsstand later this year. Congratulations, Bart!
Click here to see his full entry from last year's contest: Magnaverde's (Imperfect) Perfect Vintage Studio
Thinking about entering this year? The deadline is Sunday and all the info is here.
21 Comments
Mmm. I loved that entry.
The space looks very Elle Decor. Can we take bets which mag?
My chip is on Domino.
Nah. For Domino, it would need a zebra rug, lucite coffee table, mirrored dresser, robins-egg-blue accent wall, and a big piece of red coral someplace.
Shelter magazine
I loved it then, and I love it now.
I'm so glad! I really like this entry last year. Very refined. Look forward to seeing it in print. :)
er, "liked this entry" not 'like this entry last year'. Although, I still like it, so maybe that's okay... too tired today.
how exciting!
laughing very hard Lisa H--so true!
Well deserved. Congrats Magnaverde
congratulations Magnaverde!
This was one of my 2 favourites last year (I was quite disgusted by the negative posts at the time), and so am thrilled at the well-deserved recognition it is getting!
one of my absolute faves from last year! it felt lived in and had a wonderful sense of personality. i believe it was jaime's honorable mention... anyhoo, big congrats!!!
Congrats Bart!!!
I loved this entry, but remember being puzzled about the photos....in the first photo, you look from the white room into the green and you see a white rolled arm upholstered couch and then white sheets hanging on the paintings (and in another shot of the mirror, the reflection showed paintings draped with sheets), But the full photo of the green room clearly shows a pink upholstered rolled arm couch. Perhaps the photos were taken over a long period of time? At the time it just made me go "hmmmmm?" But I still love the place.
Janel gets the credit for this, because it all came about not because my place is cool (which it is, but then, all of my places have been cool & none of the others ever gained any attention, even from my pals) but because Janel's the person who gave my place a spot in last year's Smallest, Coolest contest, even though it was 180 degrees from the light, fresh, fun look that most people associate with AT. Of course, Jamie Gray's Honorable mention didn't hurt, either, and next time I'm in NY, I have to see him to say thanks.
Anyway, the shoot was a few weeks ago, and except for the chunk of my living room ceiling that fell down two days before the shoot, and the elevator that broke down the first day, meaning that all the photo equpiment had to be hauled up to the fourth floor by hand, everything went smoothly, and everybody on the editorial team that squeezed into my tiny place was great, just the kind of fun & smart & funny people that I'd be happy to have as pals if they lived in town.
So to everybody who said nice things about my place, thank you very much. But Janel still gets the biggest thanks.
i'm voting domino, but lisa h is probably absolutely right :)
What great news. I, too, loved this place last year. In fact, I keep pictures of it in my inspiration file.
Congratulations, Bart. It's always good to hear about cool things happening to nice people.
Wow! Congrats in order! Woo hoo!
I missed last year's SC contest. So I have to go look at the images.
I invited you here back in 2006, was it? From BHG, when you used to help over there. And I was just thinking about you the other day. During bathroom month, when someone had a black walled bathroom, and I remember when YOU had the black wall, ages ago. It's still up on your site.
Do you still have the magic green suede shoes?
[True Blue, did your name at BHG start with an A? Were you the all-time funniest poster there? If that's you, I owe you a big thanks, too, since you ARE the person who first told me to check this place out. Such a small world. Good to see you here!
And believe it or not, I'm WEARING those shoes today. First time this year.]
That's me! And my name still starts with an A! Woo hoo! Yes, of course I was the all-time funniest poster there.
I am glad to know that you are here, doing well, and still wearing shoes.
What about socks? Argyle?
People here didn't get my humor back then, and I don't think they are getting it now. I think a few folks get too serious, especially during contest time.
So I'm trying real hard not to go too overboard and stick to threads where someone wants me to go fetch something for them.
Do you need me as your trusty sidekick yet? Why not? I have all the prerequisites. I can sit on my butt and I can find things. And I'm very good at both!
Congrats magnaverde from me also. I've always loved all your rooms you've shown on the web. I can't see Elle Decor myself. Domino? World of Interiors? (but I think you have to own a castle to be in there ;-) At any rate, I can't wait to see what magazine it shows up in....

subset: commoncrawl


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Nike Youth Swingman Batting GlovesItem Number: 21578676
Price: $30.00
Free Shipping Eligible on Qualifying Purchases Over $49! Up to $15 Shipping Credit. (See Promotion Details)
Product Information
Customer Reviews
Buying Guide
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for the record, i watched my week with marilyn like, 12 times in a row.
more like 3.
this keeps finding ways to make its rounds.
Heartbeats on Flickr.
heather deblois photography
model: Katherine Violette
Katherine on Flickr.
photography: megan deblois
model: MOI! (katherine violette)
super excited to see everything from yesterday!
catching air. hahaha i love it!
model: katherine violette
photographer: jessica bourouphael
smart phones are the devil, sneaky peaky via instagram. tehehehe <3
jessica bourouphael photography
ALL DONESIES. now to get dressed. LE HMMMM.
accidental marilyn face, balanced out by one of my favorite stupid faces.
MROW MROW ITS THE KITTY CAT LIFE FOR ME! i get to see ryn on tuesday for more fun stuff! MISS YOU HOE HOE!
side note: i am growing increasingly restless at work today. im thinking about going girl interrupted style in front of a mirror and hacking off my bangs like a crazy person. this is my life. i grow bangs out and cut them when they are long enough to go back into a pony tail. its that time. thoughts?
its morrisseys birthday, get fancy. spending it with jenn. who else?!
my new nails are pretty ghetto princess fab and i love them. too bad this took an hour to do or else i would do it everytime i painted my nails. but for now i will not stop staring at them and waving my hands in peoples faces. OH HAIIIII IS YOU JELLY? i will do these for you! come into my salon and they could be yours!


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The Daily Photos – 12.2.13
Check out the heat in today's Daily Photos.
DJCK x Nike LeBron "112″ Collection – @the_perfect_pairNike SB Blazer "Milk-crate" – @smrtazshye Nike SB Dunk Low "Heineken" – @andydiaz__ Nike Air Penny 4 – @gabr1elmc1ntyre Nike Air Trainer SC II "Megatron" – @oneeyedeer DJCK x Nike SB Dunk Low "112″ – @dimensionz
About the Author (Author Profile)Senior Editor for TheShoeGame.com Twitter: @FootSole_ja & Instagram: @alexthagr8_tsg
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Those 112′s are beautiful.
Megatron pic lookin perrty good. Just couldn't score them thangs. Damn mobile i-net too.damn slow. Lol.
And uuuhh…cosign on the 112′s sans the choice of pants worn with 'em. Eeww!
heineken sb pic is dope was gonna pick up them 112 sb's but err1 and they mama grabbed em so passed still clean tho
Heinekens pic is tough, but theres nothing i hate more than spilling beer on my sneakers lol.
@ MikeyDrums…Now…I went n grabbed them 112s. But I get your drift tho. Them thangs were er-damn-wherr around my way, almost like a retro jordan release.
I've had those Megatron SC Trainers a little over a week now and wore them 4 times and the damn midsole is already cracking. Damn it Nike I want my money back.


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Beck - Local Information, Resources & Photos
Beck - Searchable Map, Aerial Photos & Driving Directions
Beck is a community or populated place (Class Code U4) located in Jefferson County at latitude 38.4117 and longitude -90.3829. (Beck Panoramio Photos). The elevation is 581 feet. Beck appears on the Maxville U.S. Geological Survey Map. Jefferson County is in the Central time zone (GMT -6). Observes DST? Yes. Current Time. | Arnold, MO ZIP Code Maps | Beck local area photos
Jefferson County: Cities & Towns | ZIP Codes | Schools | Features (airports, churches, hospitals, etc.)
Beck Local Resources
Beck Arts & Culture
Beck Community Organizations
Beck Data & Demographics
Beck Entertainment - Movies
Beck Environment & Science
Beck Government
Beck Health & Medical
Beck Newcomer Information
Beck Newspapers, Radio & TV
Beck and Greater Missouri Parks & Recreation
Beck Pets & Hobbies
Beck Schools & Education
Beck Social Services
Beck Travel & Tourism


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The content on this blog is not mine unless otherwise stated, all rights belong to the respected owners.
Museo Slab font designed by exljbris.
so i saw this earlier, got reallllly excited because it would be so perfect for me dealing with the distance in our...
But I need this
Please please make this


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Ingredient Spotlight: Tomatillo
A lot of people think this is an unripe green tomato, but it isn't. It certainly looks like a tomato, but it's covered with a paper husk on the outside. What is it?
It's a tomatillo. While a member of the same nightshade family as the tomato, it is not a tomato. I'm originally from Georgia, and one day after I moved to California, I craved fried green tomatoes. I was shocked that I couldn't find green fryers in the markets, and asked around - "where can I find green tomatoes?" All my California friends kept pointing at tomatillos, not understanding that they are not green tomatoes.
Tomatillos were first cultivated by the Aztecs. The name "tomatillo" comes from the Aztec "miltomatl," which means "round and plump with paper." (The Aztecs called tomatoes "xitomatl.") Tomatillos are also called husk tomatoes and Mexican tomatoes. They're an essential ingredient in salsa verde and other Latin American dishes. They taste great roasted or grilled and added to guacamole. Select green tomatillos with green husks; if they are yellow with brown husks, they are past their prime. They can keep in the fridge for two weeks. Don't remove the husks until you are ready to cook with them; the husks maintain their freshness. They have a slightly tart taste.
Recipe: Guacamole
Recipe: Garlic Salsa Verde
(Image: Kathryn Hill)
10 Comments
Not sure why the garlic salsa verde recipe is linked, since it contains no tomatillos, but the salsa verde would be much improved by adding a bunch! Also, I prefer to use habanero peppers over jalapeno in my salsa verde, because they are much hotter.
You need to wash them well to rinse a soapy residue off. They make fantastic enchilada sauce of course. Also, try them in chilled soup, a la gazpacho.
Elise at Simply Recipes has a fabulous recipe for chile verde that uses tomatillos...may not be the thing to make in the middle of the day in summer, but it's wonderful, and freezes well.
Try growing some- its easier than tomatoes! My tomatillo plant is currently one of the most successful in my garden. I started it from seed in March, and now it has tons of flowers on it.
There's nothing better than tangy, raw, tomatillo salsa with chunks of avocado.
(it's the one on the right.)
I love to make salsa verde by cooking the tomatillos til soft and pureeeing them with pepper, onion, garlic and lots of cilantro, such a healthy condiment.
Tomatillo salsas are great, but my favorite tomatillo recipe is this pork and tomatillo stew from Food and Wine:
It's spicy, tangy, delicious and great for a crowd (or tasty leftovers)...
Love tomatillos. I make Chile Verde (much like the above's pork stew). A great slow cooker recipe and comes out much fresher and delicious than anything I've ordered in a restaurant.
I looooooooove tomatillo sauces, but nothing I make at home ever tastes right. Even the time we boiled the tomatillos, the salsa still tasted gross. To me, they taste like they're horribly unripe. Like eating a totally green banana. (I can't stand bananas until they're totally yellow or they just taste wrong.) It's not that I don't like strong flavors--I love them.
Do they mellow more the longer you cook them? I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.
gillsnthrills--yep, my tomatillo looks better than my tomatoes at this point. I can't wait to eat them.


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The Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art, which shows art from museums and collections, will display "Painting Women" through Oct. 23, 2014, with works by female artists from the 1870s through mid-20th century.
Art & Wine: A Perfect Pairing
Enjoy an interactive conversation about wine and art with BGFA director Tarissa Tiberti and master sommelier Jason Smith on the second Wednesday of every month from 5 - 7 p.m. Cost is $38. Guests must be at least 21.
The Bellagio hotel boasts some of Las Vegas' biggest artistic masterpieces. The hotel lobby's ceiling is adorned with a Dale Chihuly sculpture, commissioned exclusively for Bellagio. The piece, called Fiori di Como, is made of 2,000 colorful hand-blown glass flowers. The Picasso restaurant inside the Bellagio not only offers gourmet cuisine, but also surrounds diners with an extensive collection of original Picasso artwork.
But by far the largest display of art in the hotel can be found in the Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art. Located at the heart of the luxurious Bellagio, the gallery presents world-class exhibitions of art and objects drawn from internationally known museums and private collections. The gallery opened in 1998 and has since showcased exhibitions including Monet masterworks, Andy Warhol's celebrity portraits, Picasso's ceramics, Fabergé treasures from the Kremlin and Alexander Calder mobiles.
The current exhibit, "Painting Women: Works from the Museum of Fine Arts, Boston" is a collection of 34 paintings of female artists including Georgia O'Keeffe, Mary Cassatt and Berthe Morisot. It showcases examples of artistic partnerships between men and women. Paintings -- on loan from the Boston museum -- are arranged thematically from the 1870s through the mid-20th century.
"'Painting Women' tells a powerful and emotional story detailing how women artists developed and contributed in an era when they were yet to be fully recognized," said BGFA Executive Director Tarissa Tiberti."Each of the works represents a time period when talent was under-appreciated because it was assigned to gender, as the wheels of equality we're slowly, but purposefully, grinding."
The next exhibit, "Fabergé Revealed," a showcase of 238 rare Fabergé artifacts, will debut November 14, 2014.
Whether you look at art frequently or never gave it much thought, add some time in your trip to check it out. You really don't have to be an expert. In fact, the gallery staff encourages art lovers of all levels, whether novice or advance, to come enjoy the gallery and expand on their knowledge.
Image courtesy Museum of Fine Arts, Boston


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Lots of stuff to do and lots of stuff to think about last week. Good news. This week will be mostly exploration of what you have already learned. The process you began last week will serve you well for the rest of your comedy career. Repeat the process each week and you will improve steadily every year, to the limit your ability will allow. There is a new idea about putting a set together this week. There is an aspect of comedy to observe a little more closely. But mostly you will be getting used to making what you began last week a regular part of your comedy life.
Assignment One
Think about the other performers you saw at your Open Mics this week. Who was the best? Answer the "Giraldo Questions." That is, the questions we first asked after the Greg Giraldo video in Week One.
Who was the least successful? Answer the questions "backwards," just like last week.
Was the same person the best both weeks? Did their sets have anything in common? How was that element a factor in their success?
If the best comedian was different this week from last week, how did their acts differ? What made them similar? Ask the same for the performers who were least successful.
Assignment Two
Look over the funny things you said and wrote down last week. Can any of them be made into jokes? Make as many as you can into bits for this week's set.
Assignment Three
Make your set list for the open mics this week.
Last week you went through your jokes from Week One and kept the ones that worked. Do this again for Week Two. Also, if a joke worked two weeks in a row, it stays on the list.
Even if you've already done it nine times, you need to get used to repeating the same bit over and over, infusing it with new energy each time. You will be surprised how much better at delivering it you can be once the words are second nature. Jokes improve dramatically when you start with confidence in the material and a knowledge of how people tend to react to it.
This week, take the joke that has gotten laughs the most consistently and ask yourself these questions:
Without changing the words of the joke, how can I improve its effectiveness?
How can I use my voice to emphasize the important points of this joke?
How can I use movement to communicate this joke more effectively?
I am not asking you to scream and jump around the stage. Unless that's what you feel would help the joke. Just be aware of how non-word elements might help make the bit funnier. Make sure that you are thinking actively about what those elements are in your act. How are you saying what you are saying? What are you doing while you say it? Remember that your performance is equally as important to your effectiveness as your writing. If it wasn't, standups would simply print out the jokes, hand them to the crowd to read at their leisure, and it would be just as entertaining. Make sure that the way you use your voice and body is as much an informed choice as your words.
Now ask yourself this:
How does my stage character feel about what they are saying? How can I convey these emotions using my face, body, and voice?
There are many ways of relating emotionally to your material. What do I mean by this? Greg Giraldo does his best to infuse his jokes with the emotional state he is conveying. Think of his portrayal of the flabbergasted McCain pointing out Obama's blackness to the crowd. it is straight forward, direct, and heightened. This is his approach throughout his entire act. While he may be sad on one joke and happy on the next, he is going to act out those emotions fully.
By contrast, Anthony Jeselnik uses the same detached attitude towards all his jokes, investing no emotion in the specifics of his stories. He also adds a layer of arrogance that is heightened to where the audience can see he is faking it, along with the occasional smile. The message: this isn't serious. It allows the audience to enjoy his dark jokes.
Assignment Four
After you have written down the jokes that worked, write down the jokes that didn't.
Did anything work last week that didn't this week? Ask yourself why this may have been. Did you perform it differently? Change the writing? What can you do to make it successful again?
Write down the premise of each joke that didn't work as a declarative sentence. Does the sentence make sense? Does the joke you wrote express that idea clearly? Did your performance help that idea to be understood?
Does it have an element of expectation and a surprising fulfillment of that expectation? Is the expectation clearly set up before the surprising element is revealed?
Modify your jokes until you can answer "yes" to the above questions.
Take at least one joke that didn't work last week and try and fix it.
Put the rest of the jokes that didn't work in your "In the Shop" file. Every month or so, read the bits in the file. See if a new angle on how something might be fixed presents itself, either from the performance or the writing side. Give it a shot. Sometimes your mind sees a new solution after some time away from the idea.
Fill up the rest of your set with new jokes from this week. You will notice that this is the exact same process as last week. It will be the same next week, and every week you do standup. This is the never ending "joke refinery" that leads to a great standup act. I call it the Comedy Refinement Process. This process has produced every joke I have ever told onstage. This process works.
We will talk next week about the long term goals this process is working towards. For now, just run it again, continue to get used to it, and let it work for you.
If you feel a real call to do crowd work, to get laughs off interacting with the audience, I understand. Please hold off another couple weeks. Get used to the material generating process until it is second nature. Open mic sets are very short, and I want to make sure you get to practice the most successful jokes, the "fixed" jokes, AND the brand new jokes in every set. In a few weeks, when you've gotten the hang of it, it will be OK to add a minute or two of crowd work to your set.
The "Shit Sandwich" Structure.
"Okay, so I have selected my jokes for the week. What order should I do them in?" Good question. I like a set structure I named after a line in "This is Spinal Tap." You can use it in any length of set and it will serve you well. It is by no means the only way to structure a set list. It may not be right for you down the road, but try it for now.
It's based on the psychology of the audience. It is great for open mics because it gives your new bits the best possible chance at being well-received.
I call it the "Shit Sandwich" because your best jokes are at each end (the bread) and your newest, most unsure stuff is in the middle. You open with your biggest, quickest laugh. This establishes that you are funny, winning the audience's confidence and trust. Do another bit that you know works after that, so the audience builds a positive impression of your act.
Then, do the newer jokes dead center. The crowd will be more willing to take in your new stuff with an open mind now that you have built some trust and good will. Also, If they don't work, it won't ruin the good feeling you built at the top enough to derail your whole set.
Close with another thing that usually works, so you reward the crowd for sticking through the experimental stuff and leave them with a positive impression of your act. Give the good seals a fish treat for their patience.
This structure allows the audience the maximum chance of enjoying your set while creating a safe space in your performance for you to take a risk.
Also, since you are simply arranging your set so the most unsure material is in the center, with the best stuff on either end, the Sandwich can expand or contract to fill any length of show you desire. It is simple, elegant, and versatile.
Assignment Five:
This week, structure your set as described above.
After you perform in this week's Open Mics, write down how arranging your jokes this way affected your set. Did you notice any difference from last week?
You may be wondering how to judge how much time a joke will take when you perform it. I am constantly telling you to put five minute sets together, but until you perform the jokes, how do you know how long they take? You don't want to plan too many jokes to get to, or too left to fill your time. Eventually, you will learn to judge the duration of a bit off the page. For now, you have to do it the hard way. Once you have your jokes in order, time yourself saying them out loud. This next thing sounds beyond stupid, but you can allow time for the audience to laugh by saying "laugh laugh laugh" after each Punchline. For big, fat, bit-ending punchlines, or if you are preforming for a big audience, say "laugh laugh laugh" THREE TIMES after the last word of your joke. It is possible for a fat applause break to take longer, but if this happens at an Open Mic, you will be so happy you won't give a shit if you got to all your bits. You probably want to just get off the stage right then and look like a genius.
It is a crude system, but it is a shockingly accurate predictor of how long it takes a crowd to laugh. I have used this to time sets within seconds. But it is a rare Open Mic audience that will give you the kind of response reserved for the triple "laugh laugh laugh." Saying it once after each Punchline when you practice your set should give you a good idea what is going to fit in the time you have.
Assignment Six
Watch the following videos:
As always, ask the old "Giraldo Questions." It is important to try and understand as many different approaches to comedy as you can.
Now that you have thought about each comic's approach, how do the three comedians use non-verbal elements in their act? Write down one thing each comedian does with their face or body to make their material connect.
What is their approach to emotion? Find one line from each comedian's act that conveys a strong emotion. How did they deliver this line? Did they do anything with their voice to enhance or to downplay the emotion in their words? What?
Patton Oswalt presents many characters who all feel differently about the KFC Bowls. How many different viewpoints does he present? How do you know they are different characters? How does he underline this with his performance? How does he show you when he's switched parts? Which point of view does Patton seem to agree with? How does he let you know? What can you learn from this set about differentiating between characters in a joke? About clearly presenting conflicting emotions?
What is Dan Mintz's emotional relationship to his jokes? Hint: He definitely has one. And it is well chosen and specific. Does it seem appropriate to what he is talking about? Is he closer to Anthony Jeselnik's approach to emotion or Greg Giraldo's?
Describe the mood and emotional state of Dan's stage character. In what ways is it unusual? How does he make subtle use of his body, face, and voice to convey this? How does this affect the way the things he says are viewed by the audience? Find a laugh Dan gets from the disconnect between what he is saying and how he seems to feel about it.
How many characters does Louis C.K. play in his bit? What are their emotional states? How does the mom feel about her kid? How does the kid feel? How does Louis feel about all of this? Is Louis' approach more like Anthony's or Greg's? How does Louis heighten the emotions of the abusive dad? How does he show you that he doesn't agree with him?
Look at your own bits from the last two weeks. Do you use any similar techniques to the comedians you watched this week? Do you know how you are using emotion in each of your jokes?
Write down a list of the emotions you convey in each joke. Ask yourself how you can convey it clearly, both verbally and non verbally.
If all this stufff about emotional viewpoints seems like too much to pile on to material that you are still working to just get out clearly, don't deal with it this week. Work on what we learned last week until it feels comfortable before adding new elements. It is ALWAYS cool to skip a week, as long as you keep going to your Open Mics, writing new jokes, and refining your set the way I taught you. It's an on-line course after all. Move ahead at your own pace.
But when you are ready, I want you to begin to consider the following elements when you develop your jokes:
Can the audience understand your premise?
Do they know how your stage character feels about this premise?
Do you use the most concise and colorful language you can?
Does it have elements of expectation and surprise?
Do you use your voice and body to perform it clearly and effectively?
All of these elements will ensure that your material has the highest chance of success.
And that's it. Give the "Comedy Refinement Process" another week. Think a little about emotion in standup comedy. Try and make a Shit Sandwich. Perform the set at least three times. Record your observations. Kill 'em! Contact me with any questions and I'll see you in a week.


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Should Targeting Be a Felony?
We all love rock 'em, sock 'em football, but with all the recent concern for player safety, we need to give thought to just what can be done to make the game safer for the players. Basically there are only two ways to do this: …Read More →


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Tabletop Trend: Pretty Vintage Toile Dishes
I'm usually partial to very plain dishes and tableware. My favorite plates, for example, are simple matte white disks with no printing or embellishments. So I'm a little surprised to be so attracted to the pretty toile dishes that I'm starting to see here and there on the internets. Especially beautiful is the blue toile bowl from Heidi Swanson's 101 Cookbooks, pictured above.
This is not a traditional table loaded with layers of toile dinnerware, which would have a somewhat fussy and old-fashioned feel. Rather, it's more about the occasional toile platter or bowl mixed in with simple, modern pieces in informal settings, with bare wood tables or marble countertops.
It's especial nice when the toile is vintage and has the look and feel of something that has been around for a while. Jamie Oliver's At Home cookbook and TV series, which came out in 2009, is a good example. In the video clip below, at 2:22, you can see Jamie pull out a pretty pale blue toile platter to build his Rice Pudding and Hot Strawberry Jam. (Yum!)
Toile, once only available to the wealthy, can now be be found on drugstore shelves as well as in the priciest shops, so clearly the quality varies widely. Vintage pieces are still pretty easy to find in thrift shops. Look for fancy labels like Spode and Wedgwood and for clear, not blurry, lines and patterns. For a brief history of toile dinnerware, also known as toile transferware, visit this page on the Eras of Elegance website.
Related: Easy Entertaining: Mismatched China
(Images: 101 Cookbooks and Jamie Oliver)
8 Comments
I have to say I usually love this site, but I hate this post.
First off...these dishes are not "toile" they are transferware.
And as a site that relishes almost anything food-related, how dare you say that a traditional table loaded with layers of transferware would have a somewhat fussy and old-fashioned feel.
I'd love to know how many of your readers love the "fussy and old-fashioned feel" of their transferware! Probably more than you think.
I'm confused about the 'toile' thing, too. In a previous life I worked as an archaeologist, and dug up boxes-worth of transferware pieces at various fur trade sites. Always called it transferware. There may be a pattern out there called 'toile', but it's transferware first.
That said - love it! And definitely need more in my kitchen.
Toile comes from the French word for fabric. Fabric printed with a decorative pattern similar to the one seen on those dishes is often called toile de joie.
Ceramics printed with the patterns seen above are called Transferware, due to the printing processed used.
I must admit I was also a little mystified by "toile transferware"--in fact, the Eras of Elegance site only uses the term toile in reference to fabric. That said, it's a lovely bowl and I agree that it looks very good mixed with simpler servingware that sets off the pattern.
I also love Heidi Swanson's transferware bowl. It HAS been popping up in lots of photos, in the second volume of "Kinfolk." and is so recognizable that, when I see it I say, "That's Heidi's bowl!" What I love is that she uses the bowl for many purposes--mixing, serving, eating. And I think a reason it is so distinctive is the color; teal is more rare in transferware than blue or green.
I love this type of dish! Thanks for the post! I am off to my favorite antique store to look for similar types of serving dishes.
Yes, it's transfer ware...probably all of it is English too. I follow this blog and the lady who writes it is also one of the biggest dealers of English transferware and has an online shop with hundreds and hundreds of pieces. She does amazing tables and tells the history behind all of the patterns.
I love these type of dishes and if they are fussy then I guess I am to because I'd make a fuss to have a full set anyday! That bowl in the first photo is so pretty!
I just went to the blog I mentioned above and here's an article she wrote about what transferware is and how it's made. Interesting stuff!


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NORTON SHORES (WKZO) -- New surveillance video apparently shows a silver minivan that police think was used in the abduction of Jessica Heeringa.
Norton Shores Police Chief Dan Shaw says the video will be released to the public. Investigators believe the 25-year-old Heeringa was abducted by a white male Friday night from a gas station on Sternberg Road in Norton Shores.
Anyone with tips on the case is urged to call Silent Observer at 231-72-CRIME.


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Today has been one of those days I shouldn't be allowed out of my cell.
A good day for me, as I'm in a good mood, where I want to write love songs to my sock.
For a bit there, I was in a grumpy mood, the kind where I would walk up to Republican Presidential candidates and push them in front of a runaway street car.
Yeah, really grumpy.
Mitt Romney now has a restraining order against me.
I said I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again or until I was in another grumpy mood.
RULES TO LIVE BY: Don't say NICE KITTY KITTY to a cat who is hissing and his fur is in that raised 'Imma goin rip out your eyes and piss down your throat' kind of way.
I guess Salon now has a new TV critic, according to Harry Dongleman's newest announcement right here on ClosedButts.com.
TV CRITIC AT SALON ---- If you go, tell Kerry "Tink sent me and he thinks you're a star!" as I get a nickel each time that phrase is uttered to Kerry! I know, talk about a scam!!!
I always wondered if writing about TV was really worth the ink it took to slap to the old computer screen.
TV is suppose to be watched, not written about.
Why would I want to READ about a TV show when I can wander down the hall, fall down ten flights of stair, and watch a TV show?
Silly people and their ways in trying to scam the system.
I mean, I could see a book critic as a credible job announcement.
Books are suppose to be read, or possibly ignored, which is what I do with most TV shows so, maybe, a TV critic is a "credible" job as well.
Today, as I sat here in my darkened computer room, writing some fan-fiction in the nude, I pondered,
"Do electronic sheep fear that the electronic shepherd? And do either of them sleep and dream of electronic sea gulls riding android elephants in space?"
Yes, I keep hoping my meds will come in soon too.
Earlier this morning, I was watching the daily mix of news and sports, an attempt to get my blood boiling and making my head hurt.
I still don't understand why anyone would want to go to war with Flock of Seagulls.
I like that song!
And I like Flock of Seagulls.
I had the same hair style back in 2011!
OOOOO, different 'IRAN', sorry.
Yeah, I think it might be time to nuke them, we haven't had a world war in awhile now and it's a fine time we got busy with one!
Or yes, we could arm the rebels of some of these countries as that has worked wonders for us in the past.
Maybe add a 'self destruct sequences' into these rebels in case they go all Cujo on our asses, we can just hit the button and POOF! problem solved.
I'm still not sure any of the world's countries should have nukes.
Nothing says, "I'm king of the fucking universe!" like a good old pillow fight!
Slap fights are good too.
Right now, I'm drinking some Cherry Dr. Pepper and waiting for the hookers to show up with the cocaine.
Super Tuesday should not be celebrated without hookers and cocaine.
Good night and have a better tomorrow.
Help, my robe is tangled on my woodie and wrapped around my legs! A-a-a-a-agh!!!!! Splat. Whoomf.
No get a vasectomy on You Tube.
Have a great sleep at warehouse.
Mattress Discounters as Sales.
Buy (not but) a used Pillow.
Beware of seagulls,
Puffin birds, wrens,
Chickadees, hawks,
and nasty crappers.
a tufted puffin
posing for the camera
nine eels in its beak
You'd love Nova Scotia.
phyllis45's bright eyes?
Brush Tink's whiskers.
ASH, I know!!! :( :D
Art, whiskers brushed, THERE'S GOING TO BE A PILLOW FIGHT!! :D
zuma, ~nodding~ EXACTLY!! :D
I hope the hookers show up soon, too. You need to get laid.
Thanks again
Soft Kitty, warm kitty
Little ball of fur,
Sleepy Kitty, happy kitty'
love you tink
It is always difficult to find hookers and cocaine on ****SUPER TUESDAY**** because it's all going to the politicians. Never considering the needs of the electorate these political guys are worse than rock stars at a strip club.
I had a half-dozen really good zingers to stick in here........ really good!
Then Linda just messed up my head totally!
Did you see what she did? Outrageous!! There oughtta be a law!
Imagine getting a Linda comment without any HUUUGGGGGS!!
Amazing! I'm still in shock........
Julie, I lubs u!! ~;D
Sheila, it's going to be a bloody fight to the end, there will be feelings hurt, and gasp, President Palin could be a reality!! OH MY!! :D
Chiller, always time for coke!! ~:D
lefty, talk about Weapon of Mass Destruction! Or dung!! EEK!! ~:D
suzie, wine it is!! :D
Token, need to head over in a bit....
Linda, ahhh, luv u 2!! ~huge hug~
Anthony, I know, them bastards!! ~:D
sky, she gave them to me in private! Oooolaaalaa!! ;D
Jack, there's a few shows I like to watch, got sucked into Ink Master and some other shows like that, but otherwise, cartoons!! ~:D
Frank, ahhhh, that's nice!! Supers like flowers! Mine didn't back in my apartment days, allergic!! So we'd send cards!! ~:D


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Ludwig von Mises
In primitive times every migration causes not only geographical but also intellectual separation of clans and tribes. Economic exchanges do not yet exist; there is no contact that could work against differentiation and the rise of new customs. The dialect of each tribe becomes more and more different from the one that its ancestors spoke when they were still living together. The splintering of dialects goes on without interruption. The descendants no longer understand one other.
A need for unification in language then arises from two sides. The beginnings of trade make understanding necessary between members of different tribes. But this need is satisfied when individual middlemen in trade achieve the necessary command of language. In early times, when the exchange of goods between distant regions had only a relatively slight significance, scarcely more than individual expressions and word families must have come into more general use in this way. Political changes had to be much more significant for the unification of dialects. Conquerors appeared and created states and political unions of all kinds. The political leaders of broad territories came into closer personal relations; members of all social strata of numerous tribes were united in military service. Partly independently of the political and military organization and partly in closest connection with it, religious institutions arise and spread from one tribe to another. Hand in hand with political and religious strivings for unity go linguistic strivings. Soon the dialect of the ruling or the priestly tribe gains predominance over the dialects of the subjects and laity; soon, out of the different dialects of fellow members of state and religion, a unified mixed dialect is formed.
Introduction of the use of writing becomes the strongest basis for the unification of language. Religious doctrines, songs, laws, and records preserved in writing give preponderance to the dialect in which they have been expressed. Now the further splintering of the language is impeded; now there is an ideal speech that seems worth striving to attain and to imitate. The mystical nimbus that surrounds the letters of the alphabet in primitive times and that even today?at least in regard to their printed form?has not yet quite disappeared raises the prestige of the dialect in which the writing is done. Out of the chaos of dialects there arises the general language, the language of rulers and laws, the language of priests and singers, the literary language. It becomes the language of the higher-placed and more educated persons; it becomes the language of state and culture;[10] it appears finally as the sole correct and noble language; the dialects from which it has arisen, however, are thenceforth regarded as inferior. People consider them corruption's of the written language; people begin to despise them as the speech of the common man.
In the formation of unified languages, political and cultural influences are always working together from the very beginning. The natural element in the dialect of the people is that it draws its strength from the life of those who speak it. On the other hand, the standard and unified language is a product of studyrooms and chancelleries. Of course, it too stems in the last analysis from the spoken word of the common man and from the creations of gifted poets and writers. But it is always shot through with more or less pedantry and artificiality also. The child learns the dialect from his mother; it alone can be his mother tongue; the standard language is taught by the school.
In the struggle that now arises between standard language and dialect, the latter has the advantage that it already takes possession of the person in his most receptive years. But the former also does not stand helpless. That it is the general language, that it leads beyond regional disunity to understanding with broader circles, makes it indispensable to state and church. It is the bearer of the written heritage and the intermediary of culture. Thus it can triumph over the dialect. If, however, it is too distant from the latter, if it is or over time becomes so estranged from the latter that it is still intelligible only to persons who learn it with effort, then it must succumb; then a new standard language arises from the dialect. Thus Latin was displaced by Italian, Church Slavonic by Russian; thus in modern Greek the common speech will perhaps triumph over the katharevousa of classicism.
The luster with which the school and the grammarians are accustomed to surround the standard language, the respect they pay to its rules, and the contempt they show for anyone who sins against these rules cause the relation between the standard language and the dialect to appear in a false light. The dialect is not corrupted standard language; it is primeval language; only out of the dialects was the standard language formed, whether a single dialect or else a mixed form artificially formed out of different dialects was raised to the status of standard language. The question therefore cannot arise at all whether a particular dialect belongs to this or that standard language. The relation between standard language and dialect is not always that of unequivocal association or indeed of superiority and inferiority, and the circumstances of linguistic history and grammar are not alone decisive in that respect. Political, economic, and general cultural developments of the past and present determine to which standard language the speakers of a particular dialect incline; and it can happen that in this way a unified dialect attaches itself partly to one and partly to another standard language.
The process by which the speakers of a particular dialect make the transition to using a particular standard language thereafter, either exclusively or along with the dialect, is a special case of national assimilation. It is especially characterized by being a transition to a grammatically closely related standard language, with this way being as a rule the only conceivable one in a given case. The Bavarian peasant's son has in general no other way open to culture than through the German standard language, even though it may also happen in rare particular cases that, without this detour, he becomes French or Czech directly. Yet for the Low German there are already two possibilities: assimilation to the German or to the Dutch standard language. Which of the two courses he takes is decided neither by linguistic nor genealogical considerations but by political, economic, and social ones. Today there is no longer any purely Plattdeutsch village; at least bilingualism prevails everywhere. If a Plattdeutsch district were to be separated from Germany today and be joined to the Netherlands, with the German school and the German official and judicial language replaced by Dutch ones, then the people affected would see all that as a national rape. Yet one hundred or two hundred years ago, such a separation of a bit of German territory could have been carried out without difficulty, and the descendants of the people who were separated at that time would be just as good Hollanders today as they in fact are good Germans today.
In Eastern Europe, where school and office still do not have anywhere near as much significance as in the West, something of the kind is still possible today. The linguistic researcher will be able to determine of most of the Slavic dialects spoken in upper Hungary whether they are closer to Slovak than to Ukrainian and perhaps also to decide in many cases in Macedonia whether a particular dialect is closer to Serbian or to Bulgarian. Yet that still does not answer the question whether the people who speak this dialect are Slovaks or Ukrainians, Serbs or Bulgarians. For this depends not only on linguistic conditions but also on political, ecclesiastical, and social ones. A village with a dialect undoubtedly more closely related to Serbian can more or less adopt the Bulgarian standard language relatively quickly if it acquires a Bulgarian church and a Bulgarian school.
Only thus can one gain an understanding of the exceedingly difficult Ukrainian problem. The question whether the Ukrainians are an independent nation or only Russians who speak a particular dialect is senseless in this form. If the Ukraine had not lost its political independence in the seventeenth century to the Great Russian state of the Czars, then a separate Ukrainian standard language would probably have developed. If all Ukrainians, including those in Galicia, Bukovina, and upper Hungary, had come under the rule of the Czars as late as the first half of the nineteenth century, then this might not have hindered the development of a separate Ukrainian literature; but this literature would probably have assumed a position in relation to Great Russian no different from that of Plattdeutsch writings in relation to German. It would have remained dialect poetry without particular cultural and political pretensions. However, the circumstance that several million Ukrainians were under Austrian rule and were also religiously independent of Russia created the preconditions for the formation of a separate Ruthenian standard language. No doubt the Austrian government and the Catholic Church preferred that the Austrian Rusins develop a separate language instead of adopting Russian. In this sense there is a spark of truth in the assertion of the Poles that the Ruthenians are an Austrian invention. The Poles are wrong only in saying that without this official support of the early beginnings of the Ruthenian aspirations there would have been no Rusin movement at all in East Galicia. The national rising of the East Galicians could have been suppressed just as little as the awakening of other nations without history. If state and church had not sought to guide it into other channels, then it would probably have developed from the beginning with a stronger Great Russian orientation.
The Ukrainian movement in Galicia, then, significantly furthered, at least, the separatist strivings of the Ukrainians in South Russia and perhaps even breathed life into them. The most recent political and social upheavals have furthered South Russian Ukrainianism so much that it is not entirely impossible that it can no longer be overcome by Great Russianism. But that is no ethnographic or linguistic problem. Not the degree of relationship of languages and races will decide whether the Ukrainian or the Russian language will win out but rather political, economic, religious, and general cultural circumstances. It is easily possible for that reason that the final outcome will be different in the former Austrian and Hungarian parts of the Ukraine than in the part that has long been Russian.
Conditions are similar in Slovakia. The independence of the Slovakian language from Czech is also a product of an in a certain sense accidental development. If there had been no religious differences between the Moravians and Slovaks and if Slovakia had been politically linked with Bohemia and Moravia no later than the eighteenth century, then a separate Slovak written and standard language would hardly have evolved. On the other hand if the Hungarian government had given less emphasis to Magyarization of the Slovaks and had allowed their language more scope in school and administration, then it would probably have developed more strongly and would today possess more power of resistance against Czech.[11]
To the language researcher it may in general seem not impossible to draw language boundaries by classifying individual dialects with particular standard languages. Yet his decision does not prejudice the historical course of events. Political and cultural events are decisive. Linguistics cannot explain why Czechs and Slovaks became two separate nations, and it would have no explanation if the two in the future should perhaps blend into one nation.
[10] One must distinguish between written language and cultural or standard language. When dialects possess a written literature, it will no longer do to deny them the designation of written languages. All those languages should then be called standard languages that make the claim to express all human thoughts orally and in writing and thus also to be scientific and technical languages. The boundaries between the two naturally cannot always be sharply drawn.
[11] Still more examples could be cited, including, for example, the Slovene language also. Particular interest attaches to those cases in which something similar was attempted on a smaller scale. Thus?according to information for which I am indebted to the Vienna Slavicist Dr. Norbert Jokl?the Hungarian government tried in the county of Ung to make the Slovak and Ruthenian local dialects used there independent; it had newspapers appear in these dialects in which, for the Ruthenian dialect, Latin letters and a Magyarizing orthography were used. Again, in the county of Zala the effort was made to make a Slovene dialect independent, which was facilitated by the fact that the population, in contrast to the Austrian Slovenes, was Protestant. Schoolbooks were published in this language. In Papa there was a special faculty for training teachers of this language.


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Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Miscommunications
Seven to Three5 Reviews
Chapter 6. Gerards POV. LOVE THIS.
I stumbled out of our bed at around 5:00 a.m. Thursday morning. For about thirty minutes, I watched Frankie sleep. He seemed less disturbed and tense when he was asleep. For a while, I watched his upper body rise and fall slowly, and calmly. A few times I swear to god he smiled. But I eventually got up, got into my work clothes, and tried not to wake him up. He could be a heavy sleeper when he watched to be, and sometimes he would wake up if a pin dropped. I adjusted my tie, placed a light kiss on his forehead, then walked into the bathroom. I had a while, so I re-dyed my hair. Jet black. As always.
Then after rinsing my hair out, I walked out of the bathroom, and looked at Frankie again. He didn't move a fraction of an inch, other than when he wrinkled his nose and forehead, which was absolutely adorable. I went downstairs and started making plans for Frankie and my lunch break. We had enough time to go out somewhere and grab something to eat, so I figured we could do that. I think he'd opt out for some Dunkin Doughnuts. They had coffee and delicious pastries. His favorite.
"Frankie…" I called at 6:30 a.m., trying to get him up.
"What?" He grumbled into his pillow.
"If you want to go to work, you may want to get up now…" I suggested.
Then I heard thumping and tumbling upstairs. He was up.
I made some coffee, and put out some bagels and cream cheese, then walked upstairs to see Frankie's bare chest while he was slipping on his work pants. God, he was so hot. I always felt like a stupid school girl who just got their first crush when I was around Frankie. He got his belt centered, then looked up.
"Hello, Gee." He smiled and greeted me.
"Coffee is downstairs…" I said mindlessly, staring at his chest.
"Okay…" He chuckled. Then he snapped his fingers a few times. "You ok up there?"
"Um… Yeah… I think." I said, still staring at his perfect, milky white, inked up torso.
"I hope you can wait…" He said snickering.
"Me too…" I answered, finally managing to find his face.
He slipped on his shirt, buttoned it up, and asked for some help with his tie. He never could make a correct knot. So I fixed his tie for him, he smiled and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.
"So about that coffee?" He asked, still smiling.
"Downstairs…" I said, smiling back at his smile.
Then he took my hand and pulled me downstairs with him. He pulled out a chair and sat me in it. He poured me some coffee and set a bagel on a plate for me.
"Thank you, Frankie…" I said, beaming. He was the same Frankie, but he was different to. He seemed happier than before. A lot happier.
"Anything for you, Gerard." He said, then gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I love you… So much."
"I love you to, Frankie…" I replied, looking down, smiling to myself. Frankie loves me. I love Frankie. Life is a joy.
By 7:00 we were out of the house, getting into the car. There was no conversation, we were just singing along with the songs that came on the radio. We had a few chuckles, then before I knew it, we were in the parking lot.
"Welcome to hell. Population, 178." I teased.
"Heaven help the next person that thinks they want to spend the majority of their day here." He said with a half smile.
I wrapped my arm around Frankie as we walked inside. I knew that at some point, there was going to be a fight with Ray. Frankie set his head on my upper arm. He would've rested it on my shoulder if he wasn't so adorably short. I opened the door and Frankie put his arm around my waist. When I was with him, I felt like I could take on the world. I want to jump around and scream "ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! LISTEN UP! I LOVE FRANK IERO, AND THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' YO SORRY ASS CAN DO ABOUT IT!" As we got in, I saw Frankie's eye flash straight to Ray, and Ray was looking at me. I couldn't say I wasn't upset with him. Because, boy I was outraged with him. How dare he tell Frankie those things? He knew I loved him! But I still wanted to be his friend. He and I have been friends for a while now.
"Don't start anything…" I said to Frankie in a whisper.
"Can I finish something?" He hissed back.
"I'd rather you not, Frankie. Can't we try to be adult? Please try to work it out." I pleaded.
"No. I can't. I'm not tall enough to be an adult! And he only dated you to upset me!" He said, getting louder.
"Dated me?" I asked. When did Ray and I start dating?
"Yeah… He told me that before I…" He trailed off.
"He told you that he and I were dating…?" I asked.
"Yes." Frankie said.
"Well, we didn't. I couldn't get over you, Frankie." I admitted.
"Oh… Another lie from the despicable bastar-" He was cut off.
"Hey, Gerard!" Ray called.
Frankie looked up at me to see what I said, I guess that kind of reinforced my reaction.
"What?" I demanded, sounding a bit shrill.
"Can we talk?" He asked, sounding upset.
I looked down at Frankie. I didn't want to make him mad at me. He exhaled sharply, nodded a little and let his arm drop from my waist. As I started to walk away, Frankie turned me around, and pulled me into a deep kiss. Then after what seemed like a very long time, he broke the kiss.
"I love you, Gerard…" He whispered and looked into my eyes.
"I love you, too…" I said with a small smile on my face. "I'm going to go talk to Ray quick. I'll be back. Okay Frankie?"
He nodded, and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I walked over to Ray and kept looking back at Frankie, he was either looking at me or had his head hung. When I got up to Ray, he smiled.
"So Mikey and Frank broke up?" He questioned, with a smirk.
"They weren't dating." I hissed.
"You're just going to let him play you again?" He asked.
"He's not playing me, Ray. I love him. He loves me. That's how it works." I answered calmly.
"You know, Gerard. You're right. I'm sorry. I hope you two are happy together." He said, sounding sincere.
"Can you and Frankie possibly… Bury the hatchet? I mean… You don't even really have a reason to be upset with him. He didn't do anything to you." I suggested.
"I can try." He said, nodded once and looked at Frankie. "He. Looks. P*ed. Really pi*sed. Like… Super midget rage."
"Oh, come on…" I chuckled. "He won't hit you… Maybe…"
"Yeah. Yeah. If he did, I'd deserve it." He shrugged.
Then he walked over to Frankie, and I saw lips moving, well, Ray's lips. I don't think Frankie was responding to him. Until I heard it.
"YOU CAN BLOW ME!" Frankie had yelled.
"Shut up, temperamental midget." Ray responded.
Ray probably started it. Because Frankie hadn't said a word. Oh, why does he have to be an idiot all the time. I jogged over to Frankie, and put my hand on his shoulder.
"Everything okay?" I asked, looking back and forth between Ray and Frankie, concerned.
"I'm going to rip your curly hair out of your head, you obtuse lummox!" Frankie said to Ray.
"I said work it out, not piss him off!" I said.
"I tried! He's just plain unreasonable!" Ray demanded.
"Oh, I'll fucking show you unreasonable!" Frankie threatened.
"Bring it, leprechaun!" Ray retorted.
Frankie flipped ray off, and looked VERY livid.
"Come on, Frankie." I said, pulling Frankie further away from Ray to ensure there wasn't a fight between the two. Frankie probably would've scalped him, then waxed his eyes with candle wax. He was creative in the homicide department.
"Fine, just make sure next time you send him over to make up, he doesn't refer to you as mine and his… Because there is no fucking way…" He said, and trailed off.
"It's okay… I get it…" I said, stroking his hair to calm him down.
I walked him to the bathroom, and sat him down on the bench. He broke down and cried in my arms. I couldn't help but feel bad. The kids been through hell the past few days that I've seen, and for the past couple of months from what I've heard.
"What if he takes you from me, Gerard?!" He sniffled.
"He won't, Frankie! I love you." I said and wiped some of the tears off his face.
"But he'll treat you right…" Frankie said, avoiding my eyes.
"You treat me right, Frankie. You're the only thing that gives me the power to wake up anymore." I admitted. "You remember when I said 'I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't pulled through' at the hospital? I do know what I would've done. Would've done the same thing you did."
"NO, GEE! NO!" He got louder again. "If I'm stupid enough to kill myself, you can't do the same thing! You have to hold on. You're strong enough. If I do, I'll always be with you…"
"Well. I'm sorry. But if you think you're going to kill yourself, I am going to kill myself." I said, still holding him and stroking his hair.
"Here, Gerard… I wrote this the day I-…" He stopped and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small piece of paper. "It's the note I wrote first, before the one asking if you'd want to talk to me sometime." He handed it to me, and read it to myself. "Please Gerard, please still love me. Please, please, please. I can't handle myself without you anymore! I want you to love me again! I want you to need me again! I can't stand this! I was so stupid, I was so f*cking stupid! Forgive me Gerard! Please just forgive me!"
I looked up at Frankie.
"You should've given me this one." I said.
"I wanted to tell you to your face." He said sheepishly.
"Either way… I love you, not Ray. You." I tried to convince him.
"Okay." He nodded, sniffled then chuckled softly. "I can't believe I've been here for an hour, and I'm balling."
"I told you, you should've stayed home till Saturday." I said, shaking my head.
"I just wanted to get back in the swing of things." He replied.
"That doesn't matter. You're not okay enough to work yet. I think you should ask Matt if you can stay out a few more days." I suggested.
"But, I don't want to be away from you, Gee…" He groaned.
"Is that why you wanted to come?" I asked.
"A little bit of the reason…" He hinted.
"Oh, well, how about we avoid Ray for a few days then." I said.
"Okay." He nodded again.
"Come on Frankie," I said with a smile. "How about we go back out there, and do our jobs?"
"Oh. Yes. Because my cubicle is really an upgrade from the bathroom." He sighed sarcastically.
Frankie and I were interns for this magazine company. If you wanted to order something, you'd talk to us. We'd fill your order in. You'd probably get a cheep source of entertainment in the mail 14 business days later, while we'd sit around those days and fill out MORE orders. I know. Pressing matters.
For a tiny office, there was a shit ton of drama. A shit ton. It was like high school, except no detention. That's the only reason I didn't quit. As much as I hated the drama, the pay was good, and it gave me something to do while filling out those orders.
I walked Frankie back up to his cubicle, kissed his cheek, then when I went to where mine was, there was nothing there.
"What the f*ck?! Where did my cubicle go!?" I asked angrily.
Then Matt, my boss, came up to me.
"You see that new one across from Frankie?" He asked.
"Yes. I do. I don't care. Where's mine?" I said, getting irritated.
"That one is yours, Gerard. I figured since you and Frankie were talking again, and you two are getting closer that I'd move it. Just for you." He said, smiling a little.
"No sh*t." I said, scratching my head.
"Yeah." Then he pointed to it. "The plate says, 'Gerard Way'. I'm surprised you didn't notice sooner. You know, you're supposed to put your stuff in there, right?" He chuckled.
"Thanks, Matt." I smiled. That was nice of him. I shook his hand then walked over to my new work area. I waited for Frankie to get off the phone.
"Hello, Frank Iero." I said after he hung up.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, smiling.
"I'm just working. Now is your workplace better than the bathroom?" I joked.
"Nah. It's still about the same." He laughed a little.
I chuckled and got my first phone call of the day.
Oh fuckin' boy!


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Modern Family to Tackle Lost Virginity on Upcoming Episodeby TV Fanatic Staff at Comments
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Modern Family is an ABC sitcom about, well, three modern families.
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The sitcom is shot from the perspective of an unseen documentary filmmaker.