text:
Because you came back to find a world you left behind… only to find it left you somewhere in the middle
Because you came back to find a world you left behind… only to find it left you somewhere in the middle
I'm back in Riyadh. Sorry about the lack of warning… even though this is my second visit back I'm still in a whirlwind. I just took my orgo final last Monday… and now I'm miles away from Florida? Surreal.
No long stories this time… the flight was perfect. I reached here yesterday afternoon. I have already unpacked and gotten over my seven hour jetlag. I was happy to come home to a familiar surrounding - although newly designed. My iMac desktop, Shopaholic series and DVD collections were waiting for me. :) I finished Sophie Kinsella's newest novel, Wedding Night, this morning. I have devoured the California bakery cupcakes that were waiting for me in the fridge.
I am currently wondering where to go from here
2004 brought another change: we moved to Sheffield, England for what ended up being six months of adventure. I was eight and my sister was three. During one of our last drives down Peak District, my mother told us to close our eyes and "aankhon mein bassa lo" (= capture it in your eyes). To this day if I think of it and close my eyes, I'm there. Where? How do I describe to you, the view from an eight year old seeing for the first time hills and hills of green? And not the sun-dried greying green we're so accustomed to. No, this green is bright green. Real grassy green.
At 5:15 Edie called to tell the girls her husband came home. She never got through to anyone though. Gaby didn't pick up because she was watching the girls take their orders. Lynette was out with Stella laughing and sharing stories and enjoying it. Bree was outside showing her future son-in-law color samples for the house and smiling politely when they disagreed. And Susan didn't answer because she was enjoying a cup of tea and what it was like to be alone. - Desperate Housewives
I was an only child for five years: and I thought that being alone that long was enough for the rest of my life. Yet, I found myself somewhat alienated through school. I am a year apart from everyone in age, so I was interested in clothes, makeup and boys later than everyone else. I sort of stumbled through high school wondering where my interests lied in terms of my friends. But for most of my life, I was never really alone. I was surrounded by classmates, teachers, neighbors, caretakers… and although I was frustrated by being nannied, I appreciated the constant companion.
So when I moved here the loneliness was unbearable. I did not know how to be alone… which in college is sometimes quite inevitable. I would watch Netflix till I fell asleep and call a dozen friends trying to formulate plans.
It was only when I could truly be alone with myself that I completely appreciated solitude.
That gem of a quote was from my mother.
I never really had the stereotypic love-hate mother-daughter relationship with mine… ever since I was born I've heard that we've been best friends (which makes it nearly twenty years… the most stable friendship I've ever had). We are a lot alike: we look alike and have same perfectionist attitude and outgoing personality. But the years my mother has on me is accompanied by endless wisdom. Although I sometimes brush it off, I am definitely listening to every little bit she says. In this spring break I have learned to appreciate that everyone has fears - and it is my job to alleviate their pain in any way possible. In the case of my mother, this means helping her as she deals with the aging of her parents.
I, too, have fears. One of the prevalent ones is my fear of growing old, of aging. And now unfortunately I have to see this manifest in my grandparents.
One of my biggest fears is that someone I love will pass away before I have the time to visit them, since I live so far away from home. This fear is unfolding right before my eyes as my grandfather has progressively worse… osteophytes? Parkinson's? Nerve damage? I choose not to listen to the medical terminology because I'd rather not be able to google and read endless symptoms and progressions.
See, sometimes, a diagnosis can be your worst enemy.
This week I am on spring break and am in Orlando with my mother and brother, who temporarily reside here. At the end of this month they will be voyaging back over the seas to Arabia (see previous blog post). Yesterday my mom had an errand to run in Kissimmee, so I roamed about The Loop @ Kissimmee for a good two hours. I thought I would spend my time in the movies watching Safe Haven or at Ben and Jerry's making excuses for my indulgences… but instead I found solace in a bookshop with a little cafe adjoined to it. I bought two books (chicklit - of course), a small chapter book for my enthusiastic reading brother and two music score books! Finding music books is very rare in Arabia (in fact probably nonexistant) so I happily browsed through the songbook collection for at least forty five minutes. I chose two: top hits and Adele's entire 21 album.
I was at home prereading the scores to ensure better sightreading when something dawned upon me. Is my fascination from music rooted by my passion for languages? Because when you think about it, isn't music a language of its own?
Music is represented by notes - different "letters" that make up measures (phrases!). There are different clauses, like paragraphs, each telling a segment of a story. Music is a language in that it has different dialects too: treble, bass, alto - all of which I have ventured in. Composers and musicians alike communicate in this different language form… and as there are different ways to decipher poems in the English language, there are also multiple ways to interpret songs and how they are meant to be played. Words can bring out emotions - but so can notes. And lastly, music is a language in that sometimes it fails us: sometimes there are no words or notes to accurately depict the emotions, thoughts or concepts that we are trying so hard to grasp, to identify, to comprehend.
It is again at times like these that I am humbled by the intricate foldings of nature that perhaps we were not meant to understand.
I have journeyed quite a bit with my parents, and when we met people on our travels I was often asked the dreaded "where are you from" question. How did I respond? Because I associate most of my childhood with Saudi Arabia, I took abode in the following responses: Arabia, the Kingdom, the Middle East. When my parents were asked, I often heard them say "oh, we live overseas."
I always thought it an odd phrase - overseas? It sounded so removed, almost fictional. Where did these seas entail? And how far over were we?
It wasn't till one of my many airplane rides where I was bored enough to watch the airplane route monitor on my fifteen hour flight that I realized the accuracy of this phrase. As I stared wistfully at the monitor and watched the tiny airplane on the screen inch towards our destination in a curved fashion across the Atlantic, I realized that over the seas was quite literally where we lived.
- Michael J Fox
At the core of my perpetual nostalgia is my unquenched longing to hug my siblings, my cousins, my grandparents… and tell them that I love them more than the world itself. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and makes the mind realize that the search for happiness is over: it was under your nose this entire time.
But before Arabia was a trip home to Pakistan, back to our roots. What saddens me now is how unstable a country that my parents love so much is. They had planned their retirement and future homes out. But all those dreams were lost in an intangible, unspoken abyss. Conditions beyond our control led us to search for a safer life: and that is how we ended up in Saudi Arabia.
I attended the American International School of Riyadh (then called SAISR). We lived in a housing provided apartment near what is now the skyscraper Kingdom Tower (I essentially watched the tower being built from my living room window). My baby sister was born soon afterwards. Since my mother was sick, I went to my first days of school alone, where I got lost in what I thought was a large city. It soon became something like home for me, and today I cannot be more proud to have graduated from such a school. From K through 12 it was essentially home, and now it has around fifty waving flags upon the entrance - that's us, the kids. In our school we had representation from about fifty two different nationalities. And for that, I am thankful. The next few years passed in a whirlwind, and I grew up and what had seemed a temporary stay in a strange land turned out to be a comfortable, secure life with promise.
I was in third grade when 9/11 happened: I remember because my teacher told us to write it down in our journals, which I still have. I wish I had known that day that the world was about to change forever. Shortly afterwards, Riyadh became unsafe, the British school was bombed, and among the chaos of all this we moved to Sheffield, England.
I had flown in an airplane before I learnt how to walk. By that point in my life, I had spent so much time in the air that I didn't know where on land I belonged.
I realize that this blog is confusing… mainly because I never disclosed chronological details about my life. Let's start here:
I was born in Kettering, England to Pakistani parents. My mother comes from a highly influential family, both in politics and profession (it is a family tradition to be a physician). My father comes from an army home: his father was in the army and so they were constantly shifting up, down and around Pakistan. They both went to medical school in Pakistan, married, and immediately after moved to England to start their lives. I was born shortly after. The only stories I have of my childhood are those told by my parents and ones I have constructed after wistfully pondering upon my childhood photos. I was a doll: the eldest granddaughter, and the pride and joy of the household. Because my parents were busy with their studies, I went back to live in Pakistan with my grandparents for some time. I grew extremely attached to them and till this day call them mom and dad.
I then moved back to living in Oxford, England while my father did his postgraduate studies at University of Oxford, before we moved to Australia. I could tell you many stories: about my elderly neighbors who taught me the important lesson of looking both ways before crossing the street, about my preschool only walking distance from our house where I made my first best friend, about the spiders in our trees that I ran away from, about feeding a kangaroo and seeing a koala fall off a tree, about the coast and our adventures. But what I'm going to tell you is the most memorable aspect I remember: the fireworks. To this day, I will never forget the fireworks I saw on New Year's at the sydney bay bridge… my four year old eyes were open to a colorful, new world.
But things change and life happens and we had to move back to Pakistan, where we only stayed six months. And then, before I knew it, we were moving again: this time to the vast desert of Saudi Arabia
As you can see, I have started a mini dictionary (tagged vocab). I was born in Kettring, a small town in Northampton, England where my parents were living and studying in England at the time. My parents both speak British English and that is how some of the vocabulary I use coincides with British English. I always thought it was cool how I would spell "colour" instead of "color" and talk about lifts and flats. More recently, I have been telling my American suitemates about taking the "trolley" to the "boot" of the car.
Language is one of my huge interests. I have taken a fascinating linguistics course in college so far - and I even took a course in American Sign Language last semester! Apart from that, I speak English, Urdu, Hindi and French (accompanied with the mere ability to read Arabic).
jumper - (n.) "sweater," warm piece of clothing
It's cold in Gainesville
queue (n.) - line
Let the shopping rush begin
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star-shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.
Car accidents. Mall shootings. Elementary school massacres. It seems the world has fallen from grace: and as a child of the world, this I cannot stand. What is it that brings an individual to commit an act so horrible, so desperate?
After all is said and done, all we really have the power to do is be thankful for all we have and endlessly hope for it to stay.
And the only other thing that can help me salvage sanity is this: they are with us always & forever.
I have a lot of pictures. All of the women here do. They're what we have left of the things time has taken from us: youth, homes, husbands, and for the unluckiest, children.
- Phylis, Desperate Housewives
As per the lack of posts, my life has been revolving around quite a few things, but most namely school. I tread along my days, from class to research to library to home… always in a race trying to surpass the next hurdles.
It has to stop.
Last week when it came time to go to my shift to volunteer at the Ronald McDonald House of Charities family room in the Shand's hospital, I nearly didn't go. It was getting boring sitting around and not interacting with patients, which was why I really joined. So last weekend I hurried to my shift, with my intention being to set a few snacks out and then make a hasty departure… but life had other plans for me that day. As I was unlocking the cabinet to reveal plentiful snacks, I heard a familiar language - Arabic. I swerved around to see an Egyptian family - or so it seemed. After talking with them and revealing my past, I found that they were from the same church and were all there to support a fourteen-year-old child who developed a quick horrible case of pneumonia and was having heart problems.
I watched the family. The mother arrived - she was frazzled, out of place and stricken with fear and anxiety. And I watched this Arab church - that had become family - and saw what mattered most. They had dropped everything to come and pray for someone they loved.
I sat there and gained perspective… that maybe what's most important in life is life itself.
Demain, dès l'aube, à l'heure où blanchit la campagne,
Je partirai. Vois-tu, je sais que tu m'attends.
J'irai par la forêt, j'irai par la montagne.
Je ne puis demeurer loin de toi plus longtemps.
Je marcherai les yeux fixés sur mes pensées,
Sans rien voir au dehors, sans entendre aucun bruit,
Seul, inconnu, le dos courbé, les mains croisées,
Triste, et le jour pour moi sera comme la nuit.
Je ne regarderai ni l'or du soir qui tombe,
Ni les voiles au loin descendant vers Harfleur,
Et quand j'arriverai, je mettrai sur ta tombe
Un bouquet de houx vert et de bruyère en fleur.
I spent a year and a half trying to figure out what it was I was feeling until I stumbled across a TCK blog a few days ago. Not only do I now realize that only TCKs can truly understand one another, I am thankful that I am not alone.
I often wake up finding I can't quite place what country I am in - for I dream of England, Australia, Pakistan and Saudi Arabia incessantly, continuously and endlessly.
There is a certain feeling I cannot grasp - a longing, a hope or a desire -
And I finally realize now that it's my unconscious effort to hold onto the intangible.
"It's funny how the simple act of discovering a word that gives meaning to those feelings can validate and heal. That is what I believe "Saudade" can do for the third culture kid."
I am thankful today for the discovery of a single word - a word that gives me some peace because it means such a thing I feel exists.
There comes a time when we must expose our weaknesses. When our secrets can no longer remain private, when our solitude can no longer be denied, when our pain can no longer be ignored, but sometimes we feel so alone that a weaknesses we thought we'd overcome suddenly becomes too long to fight.
Overpopulated and insignificant.
We tread on the unlucky few insects without paying much attention… just how sometimes God takes people out of our lives in a split second.
Stomping all over us.
Tiny and helpless as we are.
nail varnish (n.) - "nail polish," color pigment used on nails
Relaxation = My Best Friend's Party and painting my nails with Agustina on a Sunday night
"Don't beat yourself up for not knowing the answers. You don't always have to know who you are. You don't have to have the big picture, or know where you're heading. Sometimes, it's enough just to know what you're going to do next."
My all-time favorite book, The Undomestic Goddess, provides some solace. Exam week has left me exhausted, overwhelmed, and has had disastrous effects on the order of my room. But it's taught me so much.
This overachieving perfection status that we're trying to attain - it has to stop.
Because no one has all the answers. And sometimes it helps to know you're not going through it alone.
"The three saddest things are the ill wanting to be well, the poor wanting to be rich, and the constant traveler saying 'anywhere but here'." - EE Cummings
& that is the moment you realize that it's not the places or the people that are the problem. It's you.
And the years you've tried to run away from anyone and everyone and everything were for nothing: because you were running away from the one thing you can't- yourself.
'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
- Man Who Can't Be Moved, The Script
"RIP to the 2,976 who died on 9/11, and to the 49,644 Afghans and 1,690,903 Iraqis and hundreds of thousands of Palestinians who paid for it."
This morning my Facebook statuses welcomed me to a suppressed memory. It's 11 years since 9/11. A flurry of tangential thoughts rush in and out of my mind.
What if… ?
I can't help wondering my life would be so different if it never happened. Would my parents be living with me? Would I still sometimes knowingly mask my Arab roots?
I don't remember where I was when it happened. But I wish, how I wish, that someone had been there to grab my 8-year-old self by the shoulders and shake me and prepare me for how the world and consequently my life would change forever.
How I wish that I could go back to the pre-9/11 days: whether it was my youth and innocence I'll never know… but the world was that much more friendlier.
As many other oldest children, I have encountered the guinea pig syndrome: my parents were just learning how to be parents and obviously practicing on me. But unlike most other kids, I spent the first five years of my life in an uncertain turmoil. Born in a small town called Kettering located in Northampton, England, I soon left with my parents to Australia, where we spent a glorious year that I still claim to vividly remember. Soon after, I was left with my grandparents in Karachi, Pakistan, where I lived in the house connected to South City Hospital and encountered many firsts. My parents came back to take me and soon enough we moved to Saudi Arabia and my younger sister was born.
For those first five years of my life, I didn't quite know who to hold on to. I would miss the people who would leave me, constantly moving and changing, until finally I didn't know who I was supposed to miss.
It's a defense mechanism that I now see my brother has also inherited: I try to keep things that bother me out of my mind's reach. For this reason, I hate phone calls to grandparents in distant countries. What do I say that makes the distance more bearable? How do I fill someone in on what changes have happened in my life, even though those people were once a big part of it? Where am I moving towards and when will I face the past?
And then I moved to the United States: and left my closest friends all around the world. I often think of them, more frequently than they probably do of me: I wonder how Asli is liking her two majors, and if she likes one more than the other. I imagine Anggie with many pets surrounding her and doing what she loves. I see Michelle as an emerging leader in her architecture school. I visualize Zen ever so calm in her dorm room, just hanging out, chilling. I think of Hiba in Pakistan, and wonder what her new surroundings are like.
After those moments comes the inevitable question: will I ever see the people who know so much about me, those who were such an integral part of my life, whom I shared so much with… ever again?
It's because: "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."
I am the composite of Michelle's bravery, Asli's perseverance, Anggie's genuineness, Zen's composure, Hiba's knowing smile. The list is infinite, as each person I meet changes a part within me.
And I have all of you to thank for it.
There comes a time when we must expose our weaknesses. When our secrets can no longer remain private, when our solitude can no longer be denied, when our pain can no longer be ignored, but sometimes we feel so alone that a weaknesses we thought we'd overcome suddenly becomes too long to fight.
A week of putting up a front led to a final breakdown. Because as a third culture kid, I find it hard to be comfortable with anything in life that might leave. Because everyone leaves.
I spent the last three days rushing: I thought I wouldn't like any but surprisingly many sororities struck me as really genuine and seemed fun. Yesterday I wore my new Tommy Hilfiger dress and associated accessories. I particularly liked the kindness of Kappa Delta as well as AXO and Pi Beta Phi. But, today I realized I had no more time for it amongst research and three hard classes, so I quit (despite much protestation by my pi chi's). In the hurry of rush, I still have not unpacked my room and it looks like a mini earthquake has passed through it. But it's time to put away the focus of rush, look up my syllabi and finalize my research project: life goes on.
You see, it took me 16 houses and 18 hours to realize that the only place I wanted to rush… was home.
dustbin (n.) - "trashcan", waste basket
Yes, I am packing for college.
I haven't made a blog post in the intersession between summer B and fall because I don't even know where to begin. The emotions I have felt these past few days during my stay in Orlando… let's just say they resemble a sine wave. Up and down. Up and down. But now I've sat down to pack for college but ended up spending about half an hour flipping through my senior yearbook.
Here we go.
I don't know how to feel anymore: my parents and siblings are leaving for Riyadh soon. Should I be jealous that my sister gets the comfort of home cooked meals by our nanny and being driven to the mall by our driver? Angry that I won't be part of it? Nostalgic for the days that were? Saddened by not being part of the days that come?
Today I bought my brother a toy from the Disney store - quite a classic actually, a Toy Story woody figurine - in hopes that maybe he remembers me. All I hope is that in this mix I'm not forgotten. Is it justifiable to be upset over something so inevitable? Over something tons and tons of third culture kids (and the rest of my high school graduating class) did? And who am I trying to be anyways - caught in between as always, where do I belong?
I'm homesick quite often: for the luxuries of the Kingdom, the quaintness of Europe, the chaat in Pakistan. But what I know is true is this: home is where my family is.
I can say it again and again: tell my friends how happy I am to have some sort of freedom in the United States. Truth is, this freedom comes with a price: one that I'm not sure I wanted to pay. And at the end of the day, after my strength has worn down and the mask of radiance I exude burns out, I'm left with what is at my core: I want to go home.
Sooner or later, the time comes when we all must become responsible adults, and learn to give up what we want so we can choose to do what is right. Of course, a lifetime of responsibility isn't always easy. And, as the years go on, it's a burden that can become too heavy for some to bear. But, still, we try to do what is best - what is good - not only for ourselves, but for those we love.
I live my life between worlds. Neither here nor there, neither conservative nor liberal, neither west nor east. I hold no solid association toward one group or another: this is the life of a confused third culture kid, who has grown up and realized that she is unfortunately no longer a kid. With impending adulthood comes choices: too many, too quickly. And so I do what any other does: I close my eyes and think of my parents. And it is for them that I set out to fast this Friday of ramadan.
Lately I have been hearing and witnessing stories of suffering. Of people being taken away too soon before their time. Of many pious God loving individuals who are rained upon with misfortune. I don't understand it and I'm looking for answers. So today I prayed for the girl in the machinery accident, as well as my roommate's friend who passed away this week. And with all my heart and soul I prayed to never see such times, nor have anyone else see them.
I did not have high expectations for the day. But as fate works out, fasting was easier than expected, I had no hypoglycemic reaction and proceeded to iftaar at the HODA islamic center promptly around eight. There were people from so many different cultures - Pakistani, Indian, Iranian, Turkish… all breaking their fasts together. The iftaar started with dates, chickpeas and Rooafhza. Is there anything more comfortably reminiscent of home? After praying together on the green carpeted floor, we had dinner. It was a family setting, with kids helping their moms set out iftaari and people conversing in different languages about various life events. My friend and I were welcomed warmly, called "sisters" in the eyes of the masjid.
I closed my eyes, bowed my head and prayed for my family and for those time had clutched away from us. As I opened my eyes, everything changed: I saw a world where everyone could live together in harmony. No judgement but lots of love. For everyone is fighting a battle.
And so maybe I'm headed in the right direction.
I arrived in Orlando yesterday night, and my mother, siblings and I went to California Pizza Kitchen because I was craving delicious salad and warm pizza. I was exhausted from three weeks at summer B: my accelerated chemistry class and lab left little free time, of which I started devoting to my new genetics research lab. I sat next to my mother and received a bountiful of hugs and praise, ate till I was full, and then sat back to let my mind wander.
I get flashbacks more often than I'd like to admit.
I love you little, I love you lots,
my love for you could fill ten pots,
fifteen buckets, sixteen cans,
three teacups, and four dishpans.
As in a trance, I recited the poem. When leaving, I playfully sang this to my six year old brother. And then I remembered when I was six years old: I was in first grade… the poem is pasted in a scrapbook from the year. It's a picture of just my mom, dad and I in my classroom. I remember reading over that poem so much that I ended up memorizing it. More than ten years later, it's amazing what your memory holds on to.
I don't have the scrapbook here in the US, it's in Saudi: and yesterday I wished for probably the third time that day that there was a way to magically transport my various items from overseas. I would love to have access to my childhood scrapbooks, journals… and also the nude flats from Zara I left behind.
But I am thankful for one thing: if anything ever lasts from my childhood, it'll be my love for my family and my hidden memories that remind me of it.


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MUST SEE: UFOs CAUGHT BY NASA X31 HUD CAMERA BEFORE CRASH
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FRIDAY, Dec. 3 (HealthDay News) -- New research explains why
immune function actually improves in a small number of patients
with drug-resistant HIV.
In those cases, the virus has mutations that protect it against
some HIV drugs but also thwart its ability to kill immune cells,
explained the researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester,
This is the first study to show that not all HIV is equally bad
for the immune system, the authors noted.
"These findings suggest -- in contrast to how these patients have been treated in the past -- that changing treatments might not be needed in order to help the immune system," senior author and infectious disease researcher Dr. Andrew Badley, said in a Mayo news release.
The study is published in the Nov. 24 online edition of the
PLoS Pathogens.
HIV causes AIDS by progressively killing CD4 T-cells that direct
the immune system. The loss of these cells makes patients
susceptible to infections and cancers. Over time, HIV can develop
mutations that make it resistant to drugs. But only a few of those
mutations also halt HIV's ability to kill immune cells, the
researchers explained in the news release.
More information
The U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases
has more about
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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Stay at the Fairplay-Valiton Hotel for excellent Breckenridge accommodations. Located just 30 minutes away from world class skiing. At our hotel we have 20 rustic-style rooms to choose from, view more rooms and plan your stay today.
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To learn more about lodging near Breckenridge and the history of Fairplay view our history page. Thank you for choosing the Fairplay-Valiton Hotel as your hotel of choice, please feel free to contact the front desk with any questions or concerns and enjoy your stay.


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RV Specialists located at 340 Yolanda Avenue in Santa Rosa, CA services vehicles for Trailer Repair. Call (707) 527-6778 to book an appointment or to hear more about the services of RV Specialists.
In Business Since: 1992
In Business Since: 1992.
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R V Specialists located at 340 Yolanda Avenue in Santa Rosa, CA services vehicles for RV and Camper Repair and Trailer Repair. Call (707) 527-6778 to book an appointment or to hear more about the services of R V Specialists.
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Howdy, Gabblers!!! Well, we had quite the episode this week didn't we? I have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this one. And I am glad that I have kept my bubble intact through the storyline thus far. I should prepare you that I may jump around scenes sometimes in this one! And yes, as much as overall I loved the episode; I do indeed have a few moments that I realize we have to give up timeline guessing for this to work.
So, are we ready? We open with Callie shopping for pantyhose and Callie has the opening monologue (Yay!!!) While she is losing it over the pantyhose we see flashbacks of a surgery and the last year of her and Arizona. Callie gets served during a presentation that she and Derek are doing about brain mapping. I really think that this mapping project is going to be something we see more of as the season progresses, and I wonder at some point if Callie and Derek will go to Arizona and ask if she wants to participate in a stage of it. Flashback to Mer's baby shower and Cristina tells Callie about Travis Reed…. an Olympic snowboarder that needs a new hip. Now, Cristina doesn't generally get attached to patients but this guy was her first valve replacement and she is invested in him. She tells Callie his heart is her Mona Lisa and not to screw it up. This is important because it lays the groundwork for some of Cristina's reactions as the case moves forward. And we get some happy Calzona…. Arizona has an adorable idea for decorating her onesie and she is disappointed there's no station. This from the woman that didn't like baby showers….. for me, it's an example of what being a Mom and wife has changed in her. Then, here it comes, the conversation that blew up my timeline….. Arizona wants another baby. And she wants to carry this one. Remember in S6 when Callie said Arizona didn't want a baby in her home or womb? So here's my thought on that: I'm not sure that it was ever that she didn't want children but that her fears about having them ruled her reactions. She did say she never wanted to see her child in her NICU (and that happened) but now that she is a Mom, she finds that more rewarding than the fear. Callie of course is on board, and very happily on board. Now is where I will insert my theory on when Callie says "What?" I see all the tweets about it and GIFs: here's my thought: she uses that as a way to process what she just heard for a second before she speaks. We know that Callie wears her heart on her sleeve; she doesn't hold back how she feels. So, when it is something big or intense, she says 'What?" to give herself an extra few seconds before she speaks. I do have more to say on the baby storyline but that will be part of my wrap up.
On to meeting Travis. And you can see that his relationship with Cristina is different, she laughs and let's herself be picked up and hugged. Then we see Travis get Callie on board, his speech about firsts absolutely appeals to the Rock star with a scalpel in Callie. Then we see her meet with her lawyers talking about the trial and what she has to wear, how she has to act. This is how Callie ended up shopping for panty hose. Of the list she was given, it was the easiest thing for her to focus in on. She can distract herself by going shopping for pantyhose.
Morning of the trial and Callie is getting ready when Arizona arrives to get Sofia. Now, this scene is one that really re-fired my Calzona hope up and here is why: One, they are having a completely civil conversation about Sofia and Arizona tells Callie that whatever she needs that day or evening is what they'll do. Also, you can see that there is a level of comfort in being in the same room returning. Callie doesn't stop getting ready; she just goes about doing what she needs to. Arizona sees her ring is on, yes, Callie says "they told me too" but considers this: It's not the last thing she does in getting ready; it's one of the first. Her hair isn't done, she isn't dressed, the panty hose aren't on but the ring is. That even if she won't admit it, there is some comfort in wearing it. And yes, Arizona was probably checking out Callie's legs tooRead More
"Doctors never mean to screw up. They make a bad call and the unthinkable happens. It's not like we do it on purpose. It's not like we want to hurt anyone but sometimes we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. And when we blow it, we're sorry. Not that being sorry really matters. Not anymore. No apology in the world matters now…"
The Callie-centric episode (or Callepisode as I like to call it) begins with Callie in a determined and frantic state of mind in search for a pair of plain pantyhose. And no, it's not because she's looking for the perfect shade of hose to match a cute outfit she's planning on rocking out later. The normally cool-as-a-cucumber ortho surgeon is anything but calm when she discovers she's being sued by Olympic snowboarder Travis Reed. Turns out Travis is a returning patient at GSMH having been admitted for a valve replacement that Cristina performed not that long ago. Knowing Callie's rock star orthopedic capabilities, Cristina refers Travis to Callie for a hip replacement but the only catch is Travis wants the best of the best and requests the Peterson Hip Replacement, a procedure of which Callie has never attempted before. Knowing full well the extreme risks that could come with having never performed this type of procedure, Callie accepts the challenge and moves forward with it with Travis's (demanding) words of encouragement.
Complications during surgery left Callie in a treacherous situation when she's forced to close up Travis early, only to find a sponge had gone missing during the procedure and was left somewhere in the open cavity where Callie was operating. Later, Travis returns to the hospital suffering from a severe infection that ended up costing him both of his legs. Afterwards, Travis sues Callie for negligence which brings us back to the pantyhose attire. Callie's lawyer makes it clear her professional appearance is essential when testifying in court so she's given strict orders to wear buns, blazers, and even her wedding ring in hopes of swaying the jury in her favor.
The episode itself provides flashbacks that give insight on not only Callie's potential malpractice suit but also how, when, and why Arizona and Callie's relationship deteriorated to its barely current state of existence. (I'd like to also point out that the interaction between Callie and Arizona over Sofia's drawing and the horrendous butterfly rhinestone pantyhose that Callie mistakenly throws on in the courthouse bathroom is nothing short of adorable, heart-melting, and pleasing to see that these two can actually converse for once without arguing!
Speaking of flashbacks, we cut back to a scene I'm certain almost all Calzona fans nearly choked on their tequila, or drink of choice needed to get through the highly intense and emotionally-draining episode! In a somewhat spontaneous moment, the two decide to have a second baby, one that Arizona proudly volunteers to carry. In a more endearing flashback, we see the two rule out potential sperm donors, and later smirk and giggle over the shortcomings of being pregnant. IE: Sausage feet and the no-booze rule. Side note: Raise of hands, who could barely hold back their squeals of delight to see these two laughing together like old times? Sigh. Stacy McKee, I heart you.
Back to present day, Callie is seen sipping on some wine herself, appearing deep in thought while simultaneously removing her wedding ring when who comes a knockin' at her door but Papa Torres himself (played brilliantly by Hector Elizondo). When Papa Torres inquires about Sofia, it's then that Callie admits to her father that she and Arizona have separated and that SHE was in fact the one that gave Arizona the boot.
Meanwhile, back in court, Travis over-dramatically takes the stand and testifies that Callie apologized to him for her mistake and told him he had every reason to blame her for what happened. Callie counter-testifies, admitting she did in fact apologize for what happened and insists it's because she genuinely cares for her patients. "That makes me human, that doesn't make me negligent," (<— One of the most heartfelt lines executed in this episode, I might add!)Read More
Hey, Gabblers!
We don't know about you, but we've been waiting for the ladies of The Seriously Grey's Podcast to release their review of the Grey's Anatomy season 9 finale! Here it is!
(Source|Seriously Grey's Podcast via Tumblr)
I'm listening RIGHT NOW! I truly love how deeply they analyze these episodes. And, because this is about the finale, I'm sure it's gonna be good. If you've never checked out a TSG podcast, check it out now! I don't think you'll be disappointed
LiveLaughLoveGA! GreytXcape
Read More
Hey Gabblers!
Wondering who Matt is? That would be Mr. TV Line…see below the cut to read the latest on what he has to say about Grey's Anatomy & Scandal!Read More
Hey, Gabblers!
Here are more pics from this week's 'Grey's Anatomy' episode, "This Is Why We Fight" airing Thursday, February 21st at 9pm/8pm CST on ABC! They are below the cut so look there!Read More
Hey Gabblers!
We got some interesting tweets from Jesse, Jessica and Shonda! They've been placed under the cut for those that are spoiler free!!!Read More


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December 20th: African Burial Ground to host 2013 Kwanzaa celebration
Join us December 26-28th for Kwanzaa activities, events, and ceremonies
Did You Know?
New York's African Burial Ground is the final resting place of approximately 15,000 free and enslaved Africans. Dating from the late 17th century. It has been called one of the most important archaeological finds of our time. More...


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Blu Dot furniture (born in 1997) was founded by John Christakos, Charles Lazor, and Maurice Blanks. The firm began as a loose collaboration of three college friends trained in architecture and art, based on the premise that design should be affordable. The partners chose furniture as the subject of interest and opened a studio and operations in Minneapolis in 1996. Blu Dot has begun to realize their vision with a collection of over 40 furniture pieces that are both elegantly abstract and unambiguously functional. Blu Dot pieces are in the permanent collections of several museums, have been seen on the sets of well-known television shows such as Friends and ER, and have won numerous national and international awards. The furniture collection is distributed around the world.
|Product Type: Accent shelves
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Blu Dot Wonder Wall Shelf Two Pack
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LOUISVILLE, Ky. (WHAS11) -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell's argument is that supporting him, a five-term incumbent, is a vote for change versus supporting first term Kentucky Secretary of State Alison Lundergan Grimes, who he says represents more of the same.
McConnell spoke Friday morning to an annual summer convention of Kentucky county officials, one day after Grimes addressed the same group.
"My suspicion is no matter what ticket you ran on, you're not happy with the condition of this country," McConnell told the magistrates and judge-executives. "You're probably not happy with this administration, and you too think that we need to go in a different direction."
McConnell criticized Grimes for her interview at the convention on Thursday when she declined to say whether she supports President Obama's $3.7 billion emergency spending request to deal with the flood of unaccompanied minors across the border.
"My opponent seemed not to understand the difference between the president's request with regard to this current unaccompanied minor issue and last year's immigration bill," McConnell told the gathering.
The flap has blunted what the Grimes campaign hoped to make the issue this week, Medicare.
The Grimes campaign on Friday released a new video, doubling down on its message that McConnell wants "to end Medicare as we know it" and McConnell's 2011 vote to advance a Rep. Paul Ryan budget measure proves it.
Grimes Campaign Video:
The McConnell campaign has stressed that McConnell's 2011 vote on the Ryan budget was on a "motion to proceed," a preliminary move prior to any amendments or other changes that may have affected whether McConnell supported the ultimate measure.
"McConnell did not just vote for the budget," the Grimes campaign states in a memo to reporters, "he was a cheerleader for its damaging provisions on national television and on the Senate floor."
The Grimes video includes a quick sound bite from McConnell from the May 30, 2011 on NBC-TV's Meet The Press in which McConnell said, "I voted for the Ryan budget this week."
Speaking with reporters after meeting with a long line of the convention's attendees, McConnell was asked by WHAS11 about the Grimes campaign contention that his Medicare position "would decimate Medicare, raise the program's eligibility age and increase out-of-pocket costs for seniors if he had his way."
"No current beneficiaries or people likely to be beneficiaries in the near future would be adversely affected by such a decision," McConnell responded.
Though McConnell would not directly address his 2011 vote, he pointed out that fact checkers have debunked the claims in Grimes' ads that current seniors would be affected by the proposed Medicare reforms.
"In terms by my opponent to politicize the issue - you've seen her try to do that in an earlier advertisement that was clearly wrong - no one currently receiving Medicare or likely to be receiving medicare in the near future would be impacted by any of the changes we're talking about," McConnell reiterated. "To fail to make changes that make the eligibility fit the demographics of America for our children and grandchildren means Medicare is going to tank in 10 years."
Grimes contends that if benefits are changed for future retirees, current retirees will also pay a price.


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The National Rifle Association has gained 100,000 new members in the past 18 days.
CONFIRMED: Big spike in paid memberships
An NRA spokesperson revealed the spike to Politico as the organization prepared for its meeting with Vice President Joe Biden on Thursday. Biden is heading a task force on gun violence that will develop a broad set of recommendations for President Obama to propose to Congress. The NRA now has 4.2 million members and hopes to reach 5 million before the gun debate concludes, the Philadelphia Daily News reported. (Read more about the Biden-NRA meeting here.)
The NRA source said the organization will discuss any "reasonable proposals and plans" with Biden but will not compromise on Second Amendment rights. (Read the NRA's official statement following the Newtown school shooting here.)
Membership in the NRA is $25, and comes with a choice of three gifts: Rosewood Handle Knife, Black & Gold Duffel Bag or Digital Camo Duffel Bag.
'Bypassing Congress'?
Biden on Wednesday said the Obama administration is weighing an executive order restricting gun-owner rights – without congressional input, USA Today, Newsmax.com, the Huffington Post and other media outlets are reporting.
"Bypassing Congress to implement radical policies is never acceptable," Rep. Steve Scalise, R-La., told Newsmax.
Sweeping rewrite of New York gun laws
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo called for an overhaul of the Empire State's gun laws in his State of the State address Wednesday.
"No one hunts with an assault rifle. No one needs 10 bullets to kill a deer. And too many innocent people have died already," Cuomo, a gun owner said. "End the madness now!" (Click here for more on Cuomo's proposals.)
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Results 1 to 8 of 8
- 10-22-2010, 02:44 PM Thread Author #1iPhone Beginner
- Posts
- 61 Posts
- Global Posts
- 70 Global Posts
HTML Editor for iPad
I've looked at Gusto and Markup for iPad and they were both updated for back in June... I am wondering whether anyone can recommend an editor for iPad so I can update my websites on the go.
That would be great, thank you
- 10-22-2010, 11:32 PM #2iPhone Newbie
- Posts
- 23 Posts
- Global Posts
- 24 Global Posts
I've tried them all and prefer Gusto the most. My biggest gripe with all the html apps is their "ftp" style (or the lack there of). Hopefully someone will release a good one someday.16g iPhone 4g
32g iPad 3G
- 10-25-2010, 09:12 AM Thread Author #3iPhone Beginner
- Posts
- 61 Posts
- Global Posts
- 70 Global Posts
It looks like I'll be going with Gusto. It's such a good device for editing websites on the move, you would think someone would be jumping on the opportunity to create the best app out there for it. What annoys me about Gusto is I see it was last updated 6th July 2010. I can't see many updates coming in the near future...
- 11-08-2010, 05:25 PM #4iPhone Newbie
- Posts
- 14 Posts
i use gusto, it does the trick.
Last edited by theipadlifestyle; 11-08-2010 at 05:29 PM.
- 11-23-2010, 01:26 PM #5iPhone Newbie
- Posts
- 34 Posts
- Global Posts
- 44 Global Posts
I have my website through Register.com. Will gusto allow me to edit my website through Register?
- 11-24-2010, 12:28 AM #7iMore Intermediate
live and let live.
- Posts
- 406 Posts
Some good Apple articles
Find and Delete Duplicate Files on Mac
How to Delete Duplicate Songs in iTunes


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The Willie Lawson Show | Blog Talk Radio Feed
Willie Lawson
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Description: I just say out loud what other people are thinking. This show all about solutions to the challenges that face all of us. Conservative viewpoint from my vantage point. Its a BYOS (Bring your own solution party! Check me out on your smartphone! Download th
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The Willie Lawson Show - THE Answer Part One - Jan 15,2013
There seems to be a great deal of hand-wringing and consternation about what the Republican party is. Today and tomorrow I will lay out the plan that will save not only the Republican party but, the nation. There is indeed much to do but if Reince Preibus and the state chairs are really interested in saving the Republican Party thy will not only listen but implement what we talk about today.
Willie Lawson Show | Reince Preibus | Bloomingdays Flower Shop | Conservative Politics | Republican Party
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Thrashers general manager has met with Chicago Blackhawks assistant coach John Torchetti to discuss the team's vacant head coach position.
Torchetti is considered one of two leading candidates for the position, along with Boston Bruins assistant Craig Ramsay. Torchetti is the fourth person Dudley has spoken to about the job – along with Scott Arniel (Columbus), Don Lever and Ramsay.
My understanding is that a hire is not imminent as Dudley is preparing for the NHL draft and will soon leave for Los Angeles, where the draft will be held Friday and Saturday.
I'm preparing some stories for the upcoming NHL draft and, as promised, said would share some more excerpts from my wide-ranging interview with Dudley last week.
Here is what he said about some of the young players in the organization that might not be so far away from the NHL.
"We love people like [Carl] Klingberg and [Jeremy] Morin — within the next couple of years," Dudley said. "Morin is a miserable SOB who is a pure goal scorer. They don't come along easily. Klingberg is a guy that we really, really like. [Patrice] Cormier is the player that everybody wants because he's a big guy and he's nasty and he can play. Those things fit in really well."
Morin had 83 points (47 goals, 36 assists) in 58 games for the Kitchener Rangers of the OHL last season. He missed several games will competing for Team USA at the World Junior Championships. Dudley told me that the Thrashers are having Morin work with a skating instructor.
"Jeremy is not an efficient skater," Dudley said. "He's got speed but he's not an efficient skater so if he plays back-to-back games, he gets tired. If he improves that just a little bit, he could play pretty soon."
According to Dudley, Arturs Kulda and Paul Postma are not far away either.
"Look at the defense," he said. "You have a guy like Kulda who played well when he came up last year. He's a strong kid. Postma he's got 80-some points in junior as a defenseman. He scored 15 goals last year in the American Hockey League and he's a kid. It's not beyond the realm of possibility that he could help us in the near future. I think we have a lot of assets.
"And we have two first-round picks this year. The first-round picks you can't really count on to help us this year."
However, it appears Cormier is the closest. Dudley said it's not a stretch that he could be in a Thrashers uniform next season.
"If Cormier plays they way he's capable of playing, and you never know where a kid's career is headed after junior hockey, my guess he becomes the second- or third-line center that everyone wants," Dudley said. "He's mean. He's mean and I'm not saying that because of the elbow he threw. [Cormier was suspended for an elbow this season and faces criminal chargers] He was the captain of the World Junior team, he can score and he's a [pain] to play against."
Let me know if you have thoughts — and I'm sure you do — about whom the Thrashers will pick at No. 8.
UPDATE: Just got the list of home openers for the NHL's 2010-11 season. The Thrashers will open at home on Friday, Oct. 8th against Washington. From the rest of the team's home openers we can piece together that the Thrashers will play in Tampa Bay on Saturday, Oct. 9, in Los Angeles on Tuesday, Oct. 12 and in San Jose on Saturday, Oct. 16.
Entire NHL schedule is released on noon Tuesday.
Here's the list of each team's home opener:
ANAHEIM – Wednesday, Oct. 13, Vancouver.
ATLANTA – Friday, Oct. 8, Washington.
BOSTON – Thursday, Oct. 21, Washington.
BUFFALO – Saturday, Oct. 9, NY Rangers.
CALGARY – Sunday, Oct. 10, Los Angeles.
CAROLINA – Wednesday, Oct. 27, Washington.
CHICAGO – Saturday, Oct. 9, Detroit.
COLORADO – Thursday, Oct. 7, Chicago.
COLUMBUS – Friday, Oct. 15, Chicago.
DALLAS – Thursday, Oct. 14, Detroit.
DETROIT – Friday, Oct. 8, Anaheim.
EDMONTON – Thursday, Oct. 7, Calgary.
FLORIDA – Saturday, Oct. 16, Tampa Bay.
LOS ANGELES – Tuesday, Oct. 12, Atlanta.
MINNESOTA – Thursday, Oct. 14, Edmonton.
MONTREAL – Wednesday, Oct. 13, Tampa Bay.
NASHVILLE – Saturday, Oct. 9, Anaheim.
NEW JERSEY – Friday, Oct. 8, Dallas.
NY ISLANDERS – Saturday, Oct. 9, Dallas.
NY RANGERS – Friday, Oct. 15, Toronto.
OTTAWA – Friday, Oct. 8, Buffalo.
PHILADELPHIA – Monday, Oct. 11, Colorado.
PHOENIX – Saturday, Oct. 16, Detroit.
PITTSBURGH – Thursday, Oct. 7, Philadelphia.
ST. LOUIS – Saturday, Oct. 9, Philadelphia.
SAN JOSE – Saturday, Oct. 16, Atlanta.
TAMPA BAY – Saturday, Oct. 9, Atlanta.
TORONTO – Thursday, Oct. 7, Montreal.
VANCOUVER – Saturday, Oct. 9, Los Angeles.
WASHINGTON – Saturday, Oct. 9, New Jersey.
June 22nd, 2010
11:35 am
I'm leaning toward Ryan Johansen for our first pick.
June 22nd, 2010
3:30 pm
Torchetti would be a great hire
June 22nd, 2010
6:15 pm
Why would Torchetti be a great hire? Because he stood on a bench and watched the Blackhawks win the cup? He coached at Florida and at LA. He's so good that nobody wants him!
Other than Hartley, this team only hires coaches it can push around and who don't push back. When you push back, like Hartley did, you get shown the door.
What's Larry Robinson doing? Michel Therrien? Brian Sutter? What's that fat walrus looking guy from Dallas/Philly/Columbus doing? These are all coaches who have turned around terrible teams and made them successful.
June 22nd, 2010
9:41 pm
I read these blogs now and then. But Jacks blog makes the most since to me and I have also said it before. No matter what we do for players if we do not have a anchor in the net we are dreaming about playoffs. Pav's is not the answer and Tiny Big stick Enstrom is also a weak link on this team. Some of you like him but he sucks in my opinion and has cost us many games last year. He is to small for a D-man to log in so much Ice time (OK on the PK). So I like what I hear about the Bigger D-man possibilities. Spend the money on a good Goalie and build your team then. Look at all the good playoff teams this year it was good Goaltending that got them there. Atlanta has never had a good year in net we had outstanding players but never a good net. That has to change before we can do anything.
June 23rd, 2010
12:25 am
What do you Hawks and Thrashers fans feel about having a protest demonstration outside ASG headquarters at 101 Marietta Street NW, Atlanta, GA 30303-2771?
June 23rd, 2010
5:34 pm
when and where?


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Set in a stylized Los Angeles, A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III is a playful comedy of lost love, friendship, revenge fantasies, and Brandy Alexanders. Charles (Charlie Sheen) is a successful graphic designer whose fame, money and charm have provided him with a seemingly perfect life. When his true love, a perplexing beauty named Ivana, suddenly breaks off their relationship, Charles' life falls apart, and he swirls into a downward spiral of doubt, confusion and reflection. With the support of his loyal intimates - Kirby (Jason Schwartzman), Saul (Bill Murray), and his sister, Izzy (Patricia Arquette) - he begins the hard road of self-evaluation to come to terms with a life without Ivana. The film begs the question: Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?
A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III was released February 8th, 2013 and stars Charlie Sheen, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Katheryn Winnick, Patricia Arquette, Aubrey Plaza, Dermot Mulroney, Mary Elizabeth Winstead. The film is directed by Roman Coppola.


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Whose MTV ?
Mel | Aspiring Tattoo Artist | Taken | You can't get on my level because I am so Unlevel ! | FUCK ALL OF YOU :)
definitley did, and thought i was the shit.
i was way to fat to uphold my own body weight.
And now im to big and tall to even attempt that on any normal door frame.
My life
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(via daniiphae)
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(via staylifted-livestoned)
BZZZZZZZZZZZ. "Hey, I'm just going to fly right by your head for a while."
& if I ever lost you, I'd look for you in everyone
(Source: bbeeaarr, via nicolachbosky)


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Life after Life '2The worst thing about a situation is the waiting, knowing you can't do anything and you have to rely on somebody else hoping they will do their best. I sat down in the kitchen and was ordered to eat the casserole whilst I was joined with my dad and we sat anxiously for a phone call from either Charlotte or Mum to give us an update, and finally it came. Almost knocking him from his chair I leaned over and answered demanding to know what was happening. "She's going to be fine." An unconvincing mum revealed. I could tell from her tone that everything wasn't fine, but my fingers were crossed for the best possible outcome. Later on that evening, I sat on the balcony of our small cottage type house and waited to see some headlights appear up our driveway, although instead I noticed my boyfriend stamping out a cigarette and updating his fragrance before knocking on the door. I sighed, as delighted as I was with his presence I'd rather it was mum, or Charlotte. I allowed my dad to answer the d
Stranger to Change P1For he was not my brother, nor a friend to be precise. He was the man who promised to watch over me throughout my darkest moments and protect me from the temptations that life would pass me, which could end my career as a boxer. Instead he, fell into the palms of temptation and happily skipped into line to hand over his pride and salary for a small bag of weed to pleasure him for the short amount of time before his weary head was forced back into reality to join the rest of his friends wondering how he became familiar to this product. At seventeen years of age I lived a happy life on the coast of Cornwall living my days in a boarding school for that is where I met my girlfriend Kelly, the guardian angel I was set for reasons I had yet to discover. A brother, younger than myself also attended the school as our parents felt the need to hand over a large sum of money each month to provide me with a head full of knowledge th
Desire & DenialAnger has found its way into me again.The thoughts twist in a mess of rage, agony, and sorrow.Images blur in my mind and get mixed with a reality that doesn't exist.The thoughts move with the music I listen to.I was just listening to them but, they skip back and forth on one specific section;a broken record.My hands shake with anxiety as my hunger for a taste that I can't give increases when the moon shines upon my insanity.The pain in my chest appears when hearing your voice, but is killed by the spike of reality pierces through.All sound goes into a sound that doesn't reach my ears.Hot tears feel like molten metal as they inch their way to the earth.I pray that it will end sooner tonight, but I know its wont go away.It only leaves and hides behind a fake smile or an innocent laugh.I pray these feelings find salvation.To find a home, to find warmth,Because,I don't want to feel this misery anymore.
My Own Worst EnemyMy Own Worst EnemyI 'm not afraid of any man or woman, what can you do to me?Hurt me? Bully me? Bruise me? Break me?You've already done that, and it hasn't stopped meI'm not afraid of any of you, because you are not like himYou think you are bad? You think you can hurt me?You are nothing, nothing compared to himMy own worst enemy.You think you know me? He knows me betterYou've had only minutes, hours, days, weeksHe has had all my life to know everythingEverything I feel afraid of, ashamed of, hurt byAnd use it to make my waking moments akin to hellYou are nothing, compared to himMy own worst enemyEvery mistake, every failure and every heart-breakIt brings a smile to his face, my pain is his pleasureHe exists only to drive the final nail in my coffinAnd worst of all he is patient, he will wait all my lifeWhen you start to get too rough I can escape, you can never catch meBut he knows all my getaway tunnels and is waiting at the en
A World of Our OwnMy world was empty before you,There was nothing left,But memories and dreams,Of the time I had been somebody,Before you I was a nobody,Just another cripple,Sent home from war,You exploded into my life,You brought me from death,Showed me the battlefield,That existed all around me,The noise within the silence,The danger which lurked,Even in the mundane surroundings of my world,My world is no longer empty,Even after you,It is filled with constant noise,That I cannot shut out,Danger remains,It follows me everywhere,It whispers your name,It will not be silenced,How could you show me a world,Full of adventure,And take your final bow,Before the play is even complete,How could you leave this world,Whilst I remain,Drowning,In all of this noise,Which haunts me in my grief.
Moonlike a spotlightlit up the wayin the moonlightmy life felt okaycan you see mefading awaycan you hear mebeating the wallscan you help memake everything fall?i could be blindand only see youi could be damnedand be damned with youeven when it's darkthe moon shows the wayand maybe we'll follow that path somedayI swear we won't disappear
Dearest LoveDearest LoveI'm happy right now, I'm smiling and I'm not sure whywell that's not true, I know the reasonIt's you, you have brought such joy into my life.Until now the waiting seemed hard, in fact it had begun to hurtthree simple words entering my mind and sometimes passing my lips'I miss you' and it's true, I doBut never have I considered giving up, to stop waiting. Let me tell you whyBecause I love you, you came into my life and brought such emotion into my lifeFeelings I wasn't even sure I could haveNow whenever I think about you, I am happy and no longer sadSo don't worry I can wait, for as long as it takesBecause it's you, the woman, the only one I would or could do this forI will wait for however long it takes because you are worth itI love you so much, thank you for coming into my lifeLove now and foreverRhys
No one elseI can be strong, but now I am weakAlone I drop the armor and come out of my shellI need you, without you everything feels bleakand there is no one else, who makes me feel this wayNo one else who makes me feel lovedAnd lonely when I am aloneOur time will come, I know this to be truebut it still hurts, and tonight the pain cuts throughI make no noise but my tears are realdesperate for the love we make each other feelNo one else who makes me feel lovedAnd lonely when I am aloneI can be more than human for youbut tonight I am weakand only for you will I cry forand only you will I try forbecause no one else makes me feel like you dowhen we are together I am completewithout you I am hollowI need you, I love youI could love no one else like I do you
GoneThe star's fading light,Like my mother's life;Gone and out of sight.
To have and to holdI don't mind if we don't kissit's okay if we never have sexI would enjoy both but for youI would gladly give them a missIt's fine if we never get marriedtrue the planning would be a painI won't be sad if we don't have kidsbut it would be a joyous gain.All I want is to hold youfeel you safe in my armsand knowing when you hold me backwere both still in love.
PrussiaXreader: I should've known youMy second PrussiaXreader hope you enjoy~============================= ( Present day) =============================I walked back home,depressed unlike before. "Why this news affect me this much? Who is she to me?" I thought as I grabbed my house keys in my pocket.===================== (Flashback: 1st year highschool) ========================"kesesesese~ Who'll going to be my new friends this year?" I thought to myself as I ran through the hallway of my new school. They say that highschool is fun because you'll learn and discover new things, make new friends or even a group of friends. After all I don't have any problem in my social life unlike my strict, neat-freak brother. As I ran, I bumped into someone. I should've been looking to where I'm going. As I saw who I bumped into, I saw a little girl. "Wait what's an elementary student doing here?" I thought as I offer a hand to the girl to help her up. " Th-
Life after LifeFrom where I am today, to where I was has changed dramatically, the places I've been, people I've met, and the experiences I have dealt with; even thinking about it can send my mind into a thousand thoughts. If you're thinking, "Has she won the lottery?" then you are wrong. Maybe, " Traveled the world?" or "Been to Jail?"Then you are also incorrect. Winning the lottery would be a dream, but considering what I have today I couldn't trade that for money, for travelling, anything. Before, I was a pregnant teenager confused and scared over the events that were about to happen, although I wasn't alone. I was devoted to a boyfriend with a lost soul who began to find his feet on the ground before it was too late. He was able to live the life he dreamed before it was ended and I had become a homeless wreck. Desperate for money, a roof over my head. Now, I am a proud woman, holding my head high to society because I can. I am a mother to three beautiful irreplaceable children and a su
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IronmanHear me read itMy friends used to call William "Ironman" because the first time we kissed he got a nosebleed and the taste of his blood haunted me for a long time after it. We'd only been twelve years old and apparently the anxiety spiked his blood pressure to the point of combustion... I remember that when we were forced to take sex ed a few years later we were divided into separate classes for boys and girls, in case a diagram of an ovary was too risqué and we became animalistic and started clawing at each other in our seats, but nonetheless when our teacher Ms Jacobs had explained to us what an erection was in my mind all I could picture was the blood rushing to his nose and then the slash of cranberry across my blouse.With the idea planted in his mind it didn't take long for William's hands to start wandering, but the image persisted. Every time I thought about just letting it happen I wondered what would happen if he got too excite
Haven't held a
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this journalAlthough
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The Charlotte R. Bloomberg Children's Center opened May 1, 2012. Take a look inside at what families and visitors can expect.Virtual Tour
Benjamin S. Carson, Sr., M.D.
Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Hopkins Children's, Benjamin S. Carson, Sr., has been elected to the National Academy of Sciences' Institute of Medicine. He joins three fellow Johns Hopkins faculty members and dozens of additional new members in his election, considered one of the highest honors in the fields of health and medicine. Johns Hopkins made the announcement on Monday, Oct. 10.
New members are elected by current active members through a highly selective process that recognizes individuals who have made major contributions to the advancement of the medical sciences, health care, and public health. "Each of these new members stands out as a professional whose research, knowledge and skills have significantly advanced health and medicine and who has served as a model for others," says Institute of Medicine President Harvey V. Fineberg.
In his recent election to the Institute of Medicine, Carson is joined by Johns Hopkins colleagues Carol W. Greider, Ph.D., recipient of the 2009 Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine and the Daniel Nathans Professor and Director of Molecular Biology and Genetics; Professor of Anesthesiology and Critical Care Medicine Roger A. Johns, M.D., M.H.S.; and Jeremy Sugarman, M.D., M.P.H., Harvey M. Meyerhoff Professor of Bioethics and Medicine in the Department of Health Policy and Management and deputy director for medicine in the Berman Institute of Bioethics, Bloomberg School of Public Health.
Carson has directed pediatric neurosurgery at Hopkins Children's for more than 25 years. The inaugural recipient of the Benjamin S. Carson, Sr., M.D., and Dr. Evelyn Spiro, R.N., Professorship in Pediatric Neurosurgery, he isa professor of neurosurgery, oncology, plastic surgery and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins.
In 1987, Carson led the first and only successful separation of craniopagus twins. In 1997, he led the first completely successful separation of type-2 vertical craniopagus twins in South Africa.
Recipient of more than 60 honorary doctorate degrees, Carson is a member of the Alpha Omega Alpha Honor Medical Society, the Horatio Alger Society of Distinguished Americans and many other prestigious organizations. In 2001, he was selected by the Library of Congress as one of 89 "Living Legends." Three years later, he was appointed by President George W. Bush to serve on the President's Council on Bioethics. In 2006, he received the Spingarn Medal, the highest honor bestowed by the NAACP. And in 2008, President Bush presented him with the Ford's Theatre Lincoln Medal and the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian honor in the U.S.
Established in 1970 by the National Academy of Sciences, the Institute of Medicine is recognized as a national resource for independent, scientifically informed analysis and recommendations on health issues.
September 26, 2014Maria Trent Named Pediatrician of the Year
September 10, 2014Case Conference: A Hypertensive Adolescent
September 10, 2014Catching Perthes Disease Early
September 18, 2014Johns Hopkins Children's Center Anesthesiologist to Receive Lifetime Achievement Award
September 18, 2014A Primer on Respiratory Virus Enterovirus D68
September 15, 2014Delay in Age of Walking Can Herald Muscular Dystrophy in Boys with Cognitive Delays
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text: You have to be careful when doing a/b comparisons as it is easy to fool you if they are not set up identically. For instance one could have had the dynamic iris engaged and the other not which would give one better blacks over the other.Not saying this was the case in your example but you have to make sure you are comparing apples with apples. Colour/colour temp/contrast/brightness + other settings along with eco/full power and lamp hours will all have an effect on how 2 projectors of even the same model will look against each other. Also when comparing a pj from a you tube video is really pretty useless.


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Jackies poetry site
Jackie Kays
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Back in the 50's Tonight!
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Golden as Gold can Be!
Robin Fly Away
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The Demise of the Old Cowboy
What Will I Miss?
Ode to Christian "Kiki" Fenot
Bobby and Me
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C'est La Vie
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Before Destiny takes me!
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Lost in Time
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Ode to an Old Cowboy Poet named....Jack
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Pearl Harbor Day
It's the 7th of December again,
and time to bow our heads and
pray for all of those fallen young men.
Sixty-five years ago today
a day of infamy was on it way.
Bomb after bomb took its toll
on that bright December day.
Ship after ship floundered and
sank into Pearl Harbor Bay.
Hundreds of young Americans
were lost in that infamous way.
They ask not for pity or fame in anyway,
they simply want us to remember
their spirits on this Pearl Harbor Day.
For you see
they died so we might continue to
live in the traditional American way.
Jackie R. Kays
© 12/07/06
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Visual Artist from Florida, USA
I can't get over how beautiful this bouquet is. I love color.
My cold, sunbathing dog says Happy Thanksgiving :)
Dog meets cat.
Hope everyone has a fun Halloween!
I've been wanting a bonsai tree for a long time and finally got one a few days ago! Isn't it cute? :)


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Wondrous Webinars 101
This afternoon I am giving a brief intro to running webinars for my colleagues at The Jewish Education Project. Here is the link to my presentation (the meaty bits are in the notes).
In advance of the session, I asked several groups on Facebook (NTC Jews, Jewish Technologists, and Darim Educators) the following question: what advice would you give to someone running a webinar for the first time? And I got some pretty fabulous answers, ranging from the practical to the technical to the theatrical…and here they are for your learning pleasure!
- Choose technology at the level it is needed, don't fall for bells and whistles that could cause trouble. -Steven K.
- Begin the webinar with a quick overview of the platform. Be transparent about tech issues and ask folks to be patient. -Etta K.
- Put a post above your screen that says "smile." -Rebecca S.
- Stand, don't sit. -Karen M.
- Design the webinar as an experience for the participants. Use chat. Give folks 3 minutes to do a task, then have them report back in the webinar (learned that trick from David Bryfman). - Peter E.
- Emphasize the nature of the experiment. Disarm folks who expect perfection by saying, "This is my first time with this medium, bear with me!" -Sara P.
- Keep 2 cups of water nearby. -Farra T.
- Have someone else available to deal with tech issues. -Kevin M.
- Have a back-up if the call-in line fails. Give your cell phone number to the presenter. Turn off crawl notifications and other apps like Skype. -Debra A.
- Carve out time for discussion and ask specific questions with concrete answers. Know how to use the mute features to get rid of background noise. -Lisa C.
And finally, here's a great document of lessons learned in running webinars shared by Kevin Martone, Technology Program Manager of JCamp 180. (Thanks, Kevin!)
What advice do you have for folks just jumping in to the webinar game?


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6 Poplar Hardwood Arrows
Item # WX2-293643
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You must be 18 years of age to purchase this item.
Shipping restrictions apply to this product under some jurisdictions. Known age, state and local shipping requirements are applied at checkout and may result in changes to an order.
This item cannot ship to Canada.
This item cannot ship internationally.
- Details & Specs
6-Pk. of Poplar Hardwood Arrows.
Popular poplar. Used in arrow production for hundreds to thousands of years.
- Hand selected, spined and finished
- Fletched with American-grown turkey feathers
- Smooth-shooting wood
- Farm-raised USA poplar
- Shaft: 1 1/32" with field tips. Good for up to 31" draw length.
State Weight, as available in the Shopping Cart.
- Reviews
Customer Reviews
Nice arrows, easy to straten just bend them the way you want them to go. Shoot real good.
Item is exactly as listed. No surprises. Would definitely order these again.
product ok
wrong arrows sent.
correct arrows, waiting for shipping lable
Outwardly the arrows look nice. However, some of them were bent. The included product use information states that they will bend over time and environmental conditions. They instruct you on how to straighten the arrows should they present curvature. In trying to straighten one I broke it. Given the price, I probably wouldn't recommend these arrows to anyone else.
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3-Pk. of Rage® X-treme 100-grain Chisel Tip BroadheadsBuyer's Club $40.49 Non-Members $44.99
6-Pk. of Allen Lightning XST BroadheadsBuyer's Club $17.99 Non-Members $19.99
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text:
Next, you'll be asked to connect with Twitter. Rest assured, we will never send a tweet from your account
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We will send you an email with an invite soon.
Ouch. #Apple Pulls iOS App Discovery Service @AppGratis From App Store, via @TechCrunch
Note-Taking Service '#Google Keep' Briefly Appears Before Disappearing Again via @TechCrunch
RT @andyy: Twitter is bad at notifying when interesting people follow us. Is there a service for "notify when FB/LinkedIn connections follow me"?
See what's Trending Now for @dan_hopwood
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Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > Unspeakably Right
Can't Love You0 Reviews
Someone knocked on the door again. Itachi would have easily walked in but the knocks kept coming. "Who is it?" Naruto asked, as he neared the door. No one answered, just another knock. Not sure what else to do, he slowly opened the door and peaked. The person he saw standing there took his breath away, never in a million years had he expected to see that perfect face again.
"Hello Naruto," Sasuke said, in his usual monotonic voice.
The blond felt a rush of emotions go through his body. The image in front of him seemed so unreal. "Sasuke," he slurred unconsciously.
In a matter of seconds, Sasuke was inside his former apartment. Naruto was about to have a heart attack when he remembered the reason Sasuke had left. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I wanted to see you," he answered, putting both of his hands in each of Naruto's hips. "I love you Naruto, I apologize for everything I ever did to you."
Just when his lips were about to touch Naruto's, the blond pushed him away. "You are kidding me right? Do you think it's that simple? I have suffered enough, I don't need you!"
"Naruto I…"
"You nothing!" he interrupted. "I don't even love you anymore!"
"Don't tell me you fell in love with Itachi?!"
Naruto laughed. "Itachi has truly cared about me. Not once has he been selfish about our relationship."
"No! He's using you Naruto, he's fucking using you!"
Naruto couldn't stand it anymore. Just looking at Sasuke in front of him made his body weak and his stomach turn, the younger Uchiha always had that effect on him. Maybe he had lied, he did love Sasuke, more than he was aware of us, but it just wasn't right. Not only had Sasuke been a total idiot but he was now with Itachi.
Seeing how Naruto was denying him made Sasuke burn in anger. He hated Itachi now more than ever. Not only had he destroyed his family but now he had stolen his one true love, Naruto.
"Can you go?"
Sasuke looked at Naruto in disbelief. He walked towards Naruto and pinned him against the wall just to start kissing him ardently. Naruto struggled to free himself, but the Uchiha was stronger and maintained dominance. He was determined to prove Naruto still loved him and he knew how fragile Naruto became when they kissed.
"Sasuke..." Naruto moaned, finally giving in as Sasuke skillfully moved to his necks. It was useless, Naruto's brain wanted to punch Sasuke right in his pretty face but his body was just begging for more touching.
"Tell me you love me," Sasuke whispered kissing him again.
Things have happened too fast. His mind hadn't fully processed that Sasuke was there and trying to get him back. "I don't know…"
Progress had been made. "Come on," he kissed him gently again. "I know you do."
Just when he was about to give in to his touch again, he remembered the struggle that had that one person had inflicted in his heart, how crazy he had turned thanks to him and how much of an ass he had become. Now he had Itachi, who he probably didn't love and could never truly love, but he definitely brought a smile to his face.
"Leave me alone!!" Naruto screamed pushing him away. "I want to be with Itachi, not you."
The mention of his brother's name made him furious. He threw Naruto on the floor and jumped over him. "You love me and only me," he slurred and started kissing him as he undressed him.
What happened seemed to happen in a fraction of a second to Naruto. Itachi appeared out of nowhere punching Sasuke in the face. The strike made Sasuke fall off Naruto, which gave time for the blond to stand up and hug Itachi. Just when he moved to kiss the older Uchiha's lips, Sasuke started to cry.


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IN RECENT weeks the Prime Minister and Chancellor have made clear their determination to stick with "Plan A" and reject calls for any loosening of the deficit reduction strategy.
This has served to dampen speculation that the Chancellor's autumn statement, due on 29 November, will see any significant change to the course the government has set.
But this day will also see the publication of the latest forecasts from the Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR). These will cover economic growth, the budget deficit and inflation. The growth forecast will almost certainly be sharply downgraded, while the deficit forecast is likely to see significant slippage from the target set in the Budget. The 2012 growth forecast in particular, currently 2.5 per cent, may be cut to just 1 per cent or lower. This will be especially uncomfortable given the backcloth of rising unemployment, and the growing political outcry over the level of youth unemployment in particular.
For that reason it will be difficult for the government to be seen to be presiding over a marked slowdown in the economy with a policy of no change. The status quo in political terms may well become an untenable option.
The collapse in growth forecasts by the Bank of England's Monetary Policy Committee gives some measure of the discomfort ahead. At the end of last year, the Bank's inflation report predicted that economic growth this year would be 2.6 per cent, followed by 3.3 per cent growth in 2012.
Its most recent report, in August, estimated growth of just 1.5 per cent this year and 2.2 per cent next. But that is by no means the end of the downgrades.
Prospects have since deteriorated further. In the wake of figures last week showing UK industrial output was down 1 per cent year-on-year in August – the sixth consecutive month of stagnation or decline – the Centre for Economics and Business Research (CEBR) has cut its forecast for 2011 from the 1-1.5 per cent range to 0.6 per cent, with growth in 2012 pared back to 0.7 per cent.
The growth slowdown is already hitting the deficit reduction programme. For 2011-12, the budget deficit target is £121.8 billion. To meet this, government revenues need to rise by 6.9 per cent. In the five months April-August, the rise was just 4.6 per cent. Spending, meanwhile, continues to rise and is up 3.7 per cent on a year ago.
Two factors in particular have brought us to the brink of recession. The first is the financial crisis in the Eurozone and the effect this is having on business and household confidence. The second is the intensifying squeeze on household spending resulting from the combination of low income growth and high inflation.
One aspect of last week's labour market data – the figures on average earnings – was lost from view, given the coverage on youth unemployment. The annual growth rate for regular pay (excluding bonuses) stood at just 1.8 per cent for the three months to August. This is less than half of typical pre-recession levels and continues to trail behind consumer price inflation at 4.5 per cent. This shows starkly the squeeze on incomes now being felt and explains why consumer spending – a key economic driver – has now fallen for four consecutive quarters.
Household spending in the three months to June was just 0.1 per cent higher than in the trough of recession. For this, above-target inflation has much to answer for. The one pinprick of light in what is set to be a sombre set of forecasts from the OBR is that inflation may be lower this year as the pre-VAT rise falls out of the 12-month comparison.
But now the Bank has launched a further bout of monetary expansion, or quantitative easing (QE) – £75bn to start with, and which could rise to £300bn in due course. One of the concerns over QE is that it builds inflationary pressures. Asset prices are driven higher without any compensating rise in incomes. And it also works to lower the pound, driving up the cost of raw materials and imported goods.
This does not augur well for household budgets and suggests that the spending squeeze will continue. And as long as it does so, growth prospects will be slim.
Fresh forecasts from the OBR are thus likely to unleash intense questioning over the government's strategy and open it to the charge that conditions have changed so markedly for the worse since it was drawn up, it has now become self-defeating.
The Chancellor's task is unenviable: how to improve prospects for growth in the immediate period ahead without opening himself to the charge that he is going back on his declarations of recent weeks, with the risk of triggering a loss of market confidence in the government's strategy and in UK government debt.
A paper just out from economist Ryan Bourne at the Centre for Policy Studies entitled "Adrenalin Now – Funded, Popular Tax Cuts to Boost the Economy" suggests a way forward: targeted tax cuts funded by reductions in spending elsewhere, thus keeping the strategy intact.
The savings proposals will rouse ire, though far less than any reductions in welfare spending. These include the abolition of differential rates of pension tax relief for higher-rate taxpayers (raising £7bn), the abolition of contracting out of the state earnings-related pension (£3.5bn), pegging international aid to 2010-11 levels of spending (£1.3bn) and ending the 25 per cent tax-free lump sum entitlement from pensions (£2.5bn).
This, he argues, would yield sufficient savings to fund a reduction in employers' National Insurance contributions to 12 per cent; granting a National Insurance contribution holiday to small firms (up to four employees) for two years; cutting Corporation Tax by four percentage points to 21 per cent by 2012-13; and increasing the income tax personal allowance by £500 more than planned to £8,605 for 2012-13.
This would at once help lower-income families and take thousands out of tax altogether. Such measures would give a more immediate boost to household incomes, confidence and spending than government infrastructure projects.
Were the Chancellor to indicate that such measures were being considered for inclusion in the 2012-13 Budget, he might be able to take the sting out of political attacks while at the same time keeping the deficit reduction strategy intact.


text: Nobel-winning Italian biologist, Levi-Montalcini, dies in Rome at 103 Associated Press • | December 30, 2012 | 9:46 am Topics: News World News,World ROME (AP) — Nobel-winning Italian biologist, Levi-Montalcini, dies in Rome at 103. Sign Up for the Politics Today newsletter! Please enter your email address below to begin receiving the Politics Today newsletter. You must enter a valid email address in the field above! Thank you for signing up for the Politics Today newsletter! You should receive your first newsletter very soon. We're sorry, there was an error processing your newsletter signup. Please click here to visit our Newsletter Signup Center to register for this newsletter. Web URL: http://washingtonexaminer.com/article/feed/2059773 Share this article on Facebook or Twitter Print this article View article comments Leave a comment


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