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(Reuters) - Bank of New York Mellon Corp was sued on Monday by Ohio's attorney general, who accused the custodial bank of overcharging state pension funds on foreign currency exchange transactions.
Mike DeWine, the attorney general, filed the lawsuit in an Ohio state court on behalf of the Ohio Police & Fire Pension Fund and the School Employees Retirement System of Ohio, seeking more than $16 million of damages.
Bank of New York Mellon faces many lawsuits, as well as state and federal probes, into allegations it overcharged state and local pension funds on currency transactions, by setting unfavorable prices that let it profit at the funds' expense.
New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman in October said that Bank of New York Mellon cheated clients out of about $2 billion over roughly a decade.
State Street Corp, one of the bank's main rivals, has faced similar allegations over its handling of foreign exchange transactions.
Kevin Heine, a Bank of New York Mellon spokesman, said the Ohio lawsuit "recycles baseless allegations" from other lawsuits.
"We are confident we are right on the facts and the law," he said. "We provide our clients with a valuable service at competitive prices and any suggestion otherwise is simply wrong."
The case is Ohio Police & Fire Pension Fund et al v. Bank of New York Mellon Corp et al, Court of Common Pleas, Franklin County, Ohio.
(Reporting By Jonathan Stempel; Editing by Steve Orlofsky, Bernard Orr)


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A fool and his money are soon parted, said poet Thomas Tusser in 1557.
Thanks to those who shop for electronics in McDonald's parking lots, that idiom holds true today.
The Smoking Gun provides the details: Ashley McDowell, from Spartanburg, S.C., was at the fast food restaurant when two men asked her if she wanted to buy an iPad. They showed her a brand new iPad and told her they'd give her one just like it for $300.
She talked them down to $180 and they gave her a FedEx box from the trunk of their Impala.
Lo and behold, when she opened the box, she found out she was an iDiot.
Instead of a much-beloved tablet computer, she was the proud owner of a piece of wood painted black and adorned with Apple and Best Buy stickers.
Police say the scam is unusual only in that the crooks took the time to create a crude facsimile of the sold item.
Note: The original version of this story incorrectly said the men offered to sell a stolen iPad.

subset: commoncrawl


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Tobacco Quit and Save App
This motivational app can be used if you:
Tobacco Quit and Save also allows users to share their accomplishments with friends and family through Facebook and Twitter. Looking for extra support to stay quit? The app links directly to TobaccoFreeCO.org for tips and quitting resources.
Quitting is a unique process for everyone. It may even take multiple tries, but don't give up. If you relapse while using Tobacco Quit and Save then simply reset the app to try again. The app will continue to display the number of days you went without smoking during your Best Attempt. You can then work to beat that goal on your next attempt.
Test the Tobacco Quit and Save app at a mall kiosk near you. Click here to view participating malls.
Disclaimer: This app is intended to be an informational and educational tool. Calculations are based on information provided by the user and/or statewide averages for Colorado. Dollars saved, cigarettes not smoked, and time added to your life are estimates and should not be considered as actual financial or medical information. Tobacco Quit and Save is provided by the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment (CDPHE).


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Lassiter quarterback Hutson Mason has made up his mind on his college choice and he'll make an announcement tomorrow.
But the world won't know what he decided until Tuesday night.
Mason told me he is informing the coaches of the lucky team tonight (Wednesday). He'll reveal that choice to Rivals.com's Jamie Newberg tomorrow (Thursday) afternoon while taping the show "In the Huddle" for CSS-TV. But Mason has made an agreement with Newberg and CSS not to go public with the decision until the show airs Tuesday night. So you can expect to hear the news from me right around the same time. It's between Georgia, Clemson and Mississippi State.
This announcement thing has kind of taken on a life of its own for Mason, who set the single-season state passing record this year with 4,522 yards and 54 touchdowns.
At one point he was considering making the announcement on TV at the U.S. Army High School All-America Bowl in San Antonio, Texas, on Jan. 9. It was at the behest of producers of a reunion show for the reality series of which he was a part, "The Rise." Thankfully, Mason decided he didn't want to wait that long.
Then he was telling me as late as Wednesday afternoon he was going to do it Monday at 7:30 p.m. at a Fox Sports Grill in Atlanta. It wasn't until I texted him Wednesday evening to get the exact location of the restaurant that he informed me of this latest wrinkle.
"The coaching staff of the school I chose wanted me to let them know so I figured I'd go ahead and do it this way," said Mason, clearly a little frazzled by all the twists and turns.
What do I think?
I wish Hutson would just pick up the phone and call me after he informed the school of his choice, but that's not the way it works these days. Everything is a negotiated deal it seems. And I'm not sure if they can keep his choice quiet that long, especially in these mouthy days of the Internet. But that is these kids' prerogatives and I don't blame them for getting a little attention and having some fun with it.
As for a prediction, I'd say forecasts appear favorable for Georgia. Mason emerged genuinely giddy from that official visit with the Bulldogs this past weekend. He has taken only a one-day unofficial to Clemson since. And while he said "it was great" of that trip and the unofficial visit to Mississippi State the week before, I just didn't detect the same passion I did post-Athens. He says he eliminated FSU last week so it's coming down to those three. Well, I guess he could surprise us all and go with one of his early offers from Western Michigan or UAB, but I doubt it.
In any case, it has been really enjoyable watching Mason's recruitment steadily pick up steam all year. I'm sure he'll be really happy to have it all behind him. I will, too.
December 16th, 2009
8:01 pm
Why Not Georgia Tech? He should stay home and become apart of great things in the making at GT.
December 16th, 2009
8:17 pm
He doesnt want to get stabbed walking to publix! 30-24 nerd!
December 16th, 2009
8:25 pm
It definitely isn't clemson, because they never offered him. That's been confirmed on a Clemson website.
December 16th, 2009
8:26 pm
Seriously, who does this 18 year old self-centered, ego maniac who has never thrown a ball in college think he is? I hope he gets "pancaked" on his first passing attempt!
December 16th, 2009
8:31 pm
GT FAN–Why would Mason go to a program that runs an option offense when he has been operating the spread (passing) offense for two tears and has set records performing in it?
Are you asleep at the wheel?
December 16th, 2009
8:32 pm
Gt Fan, you seriously think this kid is cut out to run that offense??
December 16th, 2009
8:37 pm
I hope he comes to Georgia. He will be a part of a great team. Things are falling into place for a strong run.with many very talented players on board. Athens is a great collage town and Mark Richt is the kind of coach every player deserves. He doesn't yell and scream at them, but treats them with respect and dignity. He will hire the right defensive coordinator.
December 16th, 2009
8:41 pm
Frank, just let it go. Were talking about a pimple face geek who doesn't understand football. He probably doesn't even have a clue what a spread offense is about.
December 16th, 2009
8:46 pm
Reason he don'ts wants to go to Tech is cause he didn't want to have a signing party @ the ESPN Zone and get stiffed by the freeloading Tech fans like me and my son did. Bunch of two bit nerds!!!
To tops it off theys don't even lets my son plays unless someone gets hurt or cants remember the snap counts.
December 16th, 2009
8:49 pm
Pleae try to keep in mind your ARE talking about an 18 year old KID! Don't be jealous NOBODY every cared enough about anything you said to show you this kind of attention.
December 16th, 2009
8:56 pm
Enough of the drama. He's going to Georgia
December 16th, 2009
9:00 pm
Georgia dominates Tech……60-39-5
December 16th, 2009
9:00 pm
Aaron Murray for the forseeable future. This kid will never see the field.
December 16th, 2009
9:14 pm
he wont see the field at clemzun either.
they have taj boyd in the wings.
my guess is miss st
but he will go to uga if he wants to be
the next cox.
December 16th, 2009
9:18 pm
If he selects UGA I don't see him getting much time for at least three years.
December 16th, 2009
9:21 pm
go to georgia and play for the bulldogs
December 16th, 2009
9:23 pm
@ Larry………I am with you. What an egotistical PUNK. We don't need him and don't want him as a Bulldog. These freaking 18 year old snot nose kids think they are God's gift to sports! Go to Tech Mason!
December 16th, 2009
9:25 pm
@ BULLDOG MOM …….get off the crack pipe lady.
December 16th, 2009
9:28 pm
Love to have him in Athens. I believe the reason he is letting the team know tomorrow is because they told him that the offer couldn't wait until January. Take it or leave it, there's other good prospects out there. We're already holding one spot for Lattimore.
December 16th, 2009
9:36 pm
@Deputy Dawg…grow up junior.
December 16th, 2009
9:40 pm
Georgia vs. Miss St.– tough choice!
December 16th, 2009
9:42 pm
30 to 24 hahahaha !!!
December 16th, 2009
9:43 pm
Why should Hutson go to UGA….Numbers do not lie…from Georgia Football Historians Site! Some of his records are!
Passing Yards Per Career:
Hutson Mason 8265 2007-2009
Mike Bobo 5167 1989-1992
David Green 5029 1997-1999
Most Touchdowns in a Season 54
Passing Yards in a game 552 in 2009…of the top 12 players on the list he has four games that are records.
This young man deserves to be a Dawg…We will be "Giddy" when he selects…
I have watched him for three years…Chch Lindsey helped him to be great…Richt and Bobo will take him to the next level!
The compettion for QB at UGA will be awesome…He and Ealey who hold the number 1 HS running back records will be an unstoppable team…imagine if Caleb and AJ kick in…do not forget this young man completed 75% of his passes!
Go Dawgs!
December 16th, 2009
9:48 pm
December 16th, 2009
9:48 pm
December 16th, 2009
9:49 pm
Enter your comments here
December 16th, 2009
9:50 pm
StuGA1- what does passing records have to do with a kid in high school? 75% completion of passing– in HIGH School. Another GA fan with no clue
December 16th, 2009
9:51 pm
If he signs with Georgia, that's a potential mistake by both parties. Georgia really doesn't need him and his chances of ever getting meaningful playing time there are slim.
As a Georgia grad and as someone who has seen Mason play, I think he would be better off at a mid-level D1 school where he would be much more likely to see action. And maybe more importantly, a team that runs an offense closer to what he ran at Lassiter.
Roswell's QB from a few years back probably could have gone to a higher level school than Samford, but decided to go there and was the starter as a freshman. His teammates who went to UNC, Duke, Oregon & Northwestern are getting splinters on the bench.
Considering who he is going to be competing against, if Mason goes to Georgia, it may be quite a while before he gets to play. He would not be the first high school standout who thinks he can play at the top level of D1 but may have set his sights a little too high.
Maybe I'm wrong and Georgia is the place for him, but I wouldn't bet on it.
December 16th, 2009
9:52 pm
If hes smart he'll go to Clempsun. He be able to play right away. This is Kyle Parker's last season… He'll be playing pro-baseball next season after the MLB draft. UGA has 2+ QB ahead of this kid. He won;t get quality reps for 2, maybe three years.
At Clempsun he'll have a chance to compete for a starting job right away.
December 16th, 2009
9:52 pm
Where ever you go Good Luck. Just make sure you don't get in a log jam and miss a year are two. God Bless.
December 16th, 2009
10:04 pm
Hmmm This is a tough call. This guy seems to have all the intangibles, but I just think Aaron Murray is going to be a beat throwing and running the football.
December 16th, 2009
10:05 pm
Did Paul Johnson threaten to punch this kid in the nose if went to UGA?
December 16th, 2009
10:07 pm
What bowl is Georgia playing in again? Right NO ONE CARES!!!!
December 16th, 2009
10:08 pm
Do you think there is something really bad wrong with Murray's arm?
Can Mettenberger throw the ball with something on it?
Have the Dawgs really given up on Gray?
If he chooses Georgia, I would be concerned that there is something wrong with Murray.
December 16th, 2009
10:11 pm
I'm so over the wait and see which "lucky" team gets to sign a recruit. As far as I'm concerned
the AJ Green method of announcing intentions is the standard. Tell the coach, make a statement and play ball. No fanfare, no "reality shows" no hide and seek. Gimme a freaking break! Good luck wherever you go young man…try to keep the perspective.
December 16th, 2009
10:14 pm
Those of you saying he shouldn't go to UGA because of the depth the Dawgs already have at the QB position obviously don't coach. You never go the route where "well, we already have two very good recruits who are in competition for the QB job this season, so we won't recruit another one." You never know what the future holds and just how Murray or Zetenberger(sp?) pan out. If you have a scholar available and you think this kid can help – you offer him the scholarship. Who knows, he may beat out Murray for the job in August. You just don't know what will happen.
December 16th, 2009
10:14 pm
The "Jiminy Cricket" reference was totally unnecessary and completely gay!
December 16th, 2009
10:16 pm
murf, nothing is wrong with Murray or Mettenberger(got it right this time). Coaches don't want to take a position like QB and rely on just two unprovens. The more people competing for that job the better. Plus with the injury risk in football you can never have too many QBs. Just ask Coach Bobo. Theres a reason Hines Ward played QB at one time.
December 16th, 2009
10:24 pm
Gary, you are 100% on target. UGA gave 2 QB scholarships in 2004 to
highly regarded prospects (*** Blake Barnes and **** AJ Bryant who was rated the 10th best QB prospect in the country) In 2005 we had one QB scholarship (**** Joe Cox). Mason may be the next Matthew Stafford. Let's at least give him a chance. Welcome to the Dawg Nation, Hutson
December 16th, 2009
10:30 pm
And Mettenberger may transfer out when he doesn't get the start….kinda doubt it with his mother working in the athletic dept. but could very well happen.
December 16th, 2009
10:31 pm
We OWN uga
December 16th, 2009
10:31 pm
Thrash, stop flapping your jowls before you hurt yourself. A skinny kid like Mayson would never see the field at "klempson". They have a 5 star QB named Tahj Boyd just waiting to take over next season. "Gauwgia" is his best shot for playing time.
December 16th, 2009
10:33 pm
Oh jeez some of y'all are retarded.
First off, Mason will redshirt his first year at UGA, which will put him a year behind Murray/Mett and he will have potentially 1-2 years to start.
Second, GT will never land a pro-style QB as long as Paul Johnson is head coach, and I doubt he'd recruit one.
Third, pull the stick out of your ass and quit jumping on the kid for doing what every other recruit does by announcing his decision and holding out on announcing it out of respect for what the school he committed to asked him to do.
I do expect Mason will commit to UGA. Clemson hasn't offered him a scholly per rivals, and I can't see any reason on God's green earth why he would choose Starkville over Athens.
December 16th, 2009
10:39 pm
Missy State it is. Good choice.
December 16th, 2009
10:50 pm
Amen to what Reptillicide said…and another thing…any of you geniuses ever hear of the word depth? Man, you got it all figured out. I guess everybody on the team is on the "perfect 4 years and a trophy" plan. Remember these words: Nothing ever goes as planned. I'll take every record setting QB, DB, RB, any position, that we can get at UGA. That's how you win games against the best competition in the country. Period.
December 16th, 2009
10:50 pm
Thrash you must be new to the cfb scene. Parker is done?? Said who? BTW, he'll never get a snap with Army All American MVP Boyd stepping in next fall. No competition LMAO!!
Get your facts straight dummy!
December 16th, 2009
10:53 pm
He is not considering Tech because he does not prefer fat, nerdy, or non-english speaking women. What a thrill it would be to play in front of 30,000 fans with pocket protectors. A place so prestigious in tradition as you walk into the stadium you get confronted by homeless people & bums. A place where they have to sell partial season tickets to get people to show up to the game. A place where you see power houses every week like Duke, Wake Forest, NC State, & Maryland. This guy must be stupid to not want to go to Tech.
December 16th, 2009
10:59 pm
I like it when a kid pays back the people who have supported him along the way. Do any of you haters think that he called up the station and asked to do it this way. More likely the begged him for it. let him enjoy a great time in his life. Remember he is still in high school.
December 16th, 2009
10:59 pm
This kid is going to UGA hands down. If not look at his comments after his vist last weekend to UGA. UGA needs a kid from UGA who was raised to bleed red and black and beat up nerds every year. Look at this guy's tapes on You Tube. This guys look like an Eric Zier. His throws into the end zone look a lot like Eric. However this guy is taller than Eric.
Spiller Time needs to shut up. Clemson got beat by Tech. The only difference between Clemson and Tech is they suck worse than Tech. CJ Spiller would have been a 3rd string back in the SEC and pumping gas.
December 16th, 2009
11:04 pm
I thought with Kiffin at the helm, every player in the state of Georgia was automatically going to Tennessee. What…. the Orange Pride girls didn't pay a visit?


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Found November 25, 2012 on AFC East Daily:
PLAYERS: Ryan Tannehill, Marshawn Lynch
TEAMS: Miami Dolphins, Seattle Seahawks
TEAMS: Miami Dolphins, Seattle Seahawks
Lead writer Nick St. Denis and AFC East Daily contributors Dan Begnoche and Sean Donovan pick the Miami Dolphins' home contest against the NFC's Seattle Seahawks. Nick's take: Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill is coming off his second straight rookie game, and he'll need to turn it around fast facing a defense that will certainly pin its ears back against the young signal-caller. Miami's once-stout run game has completely fallen off, and the defense has lost the toughness that kept it in games early in the season. Tannehill struggles, and Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch runs wild. Prediction: Seahawks 20, Dolphins 13 Sean's take: The Dolphins' offense has been pathetic lately, which is especially concerning because it has been that way against the atrocious defenses of Tennessee and Buffalo. Seattle now brings one of the league's best and most aggressive units to Miami. It's a recipe for a disaster for the Dolphins and will further awaken a...
Original Story: http://www.afceastdaily.com/2012/11/w...
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Neighborhood believes that its contracted providers and their staff are the key to the delivery of quality care to our members. We truly value the partnership we have established with your organization and the relationship you have with your patients and our members.
Go to NaviNet ® to get started.
New to NaviNet? Enroll today .
Receive Neighborhood policy papers via email.
Neighborhood works collaboratively with all of its providers and practitioners to ensure our members receive the right care at the right time in the right place. You are important to us, and we strive to support the important work you do caring for our members.
Thank you for your interest in our website and for your efforts on behalf of our members.
GOOD NEWS! In order to get payments to providers quicker, Neighborhood is moving to ELECTRONIC FUNDS TRANSFER (EFT) and electronic RAs. In early 2013 Neighborhood will be phasing out paper checks completely. So kindly fill out this Application and fax to us as indicated. If you have any questions please call Provider Engagement and Contracting at 1-401-459-6192.
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Audio/Visual Club
This club sets up and runs sound, lighting and technology for all school events such as rallies, masses, assemblies and concerts.Show Description »
The Saint Francis Music Program offers a wide variety of opportunities for students to get involved in creating music including the marching band, jazz,ensemble, jazz combo and pit orchestra for the spring musicals.Show Description »
Board Game Club
This club is for any student interested in card or board games. Whether it's a familiar game of Hearts, Risk or Backgammon, or some new game you've never played before.Show Description »
Book Club / Online Reading Club
The Saint Francis High School Book Club meets approximately once a month to discuss books selected by members who help present and start discussions of the works.Show Description »
BRIC Brothers
This club promotes Holy Cross Men to live out the school's values of BRIC, as we are Brothers Reaching Into the Community.Show Description »
Women of BRIC
This club promotes self-determination, self-respect and self-confidence among the Holy Cross Women of our school.Show Description »
California Scholarship Federation (CSF)
CSF is a state-wide organization that recognizes students who have displayed high standards of scholarship, service and citizenship. Membership is determined by a formula that is calculated using a student's classes and respective grades from the previous semester.Show Description »
Campus Student Ministry (CSM)
Students from every grade level are invited to participate in the Campus Student Ministry club. Students collaborate with the Campus Ministry Team as well as the student board to prepare liturgies, work on retreats and staff Campus Ministry sponsored events.Show Description »
Chamber Choir
Chamber Choir is a competitive singing group that travels all around the Bay Area. In addition, this group leads the singing at all school liturgies.Show Description »
Console Gaming Club
The Console Gaming Club is dedicated to providing a fun and competitive environment for video game enthusiasts. The club meets weekly and plays a variety of xbox, wii, and Playstation 2 games. Popular choices at the moment include Dance Dance Revolution and Super Smash Brothers. All games are family friendly and provide a great way for students to participate in their school community.Show Description »
Every year, this club produces two mainstage shows, a play in the fall and a musical in the spring.Show Description »
Environmental Club
The Environmental Club was established to foster and preserve a sense of responsibility for our environment through daily and global habits. If you have an interest in improving your campus and your community and preserving it for the future, come and join us.Show Description »
Foreign Language Honor Society
Students are eligible to be a member of FLHS if they have received a B+ or better in the second semester of their level 3, 3H, 4, 4AP, 5H, or 5AP language course. Applications are due in the beginning of 1st and 2nd semesters.Show Description »
Homeroom Reps
This special group of student leaders are selected by their Homeroom teacher (4th period) to assist with various activities and needs throughout the school year.Show Description »
Interactors participate in community service projects, benefiting the Santa Clara Valley community and furthering international understanding and goodwill.Show Description »
International Club
Students of all ethnic backgrounds are encouraged to join and participate in a myriad of exciting events each year. The International Club sponsors activities year-round, ranging from the extremely popular Oktoberfest, to winter holiday celebrations, to multicultural prayer services, and much more.Show Description »
The Saint Francis Intramurals program is open to all students who wish to participate in activities at lunch.Show Description »
Lancer Live Sports Broadcasting Club
Lancer Live: Athletic Events Internet Broadcasting Club
Lancer Live is a live performance club that streams sporting events via the internet. Students involved in this club will have the oportunity to work on several crews during our events, which include: camera crew, broadcasting crew and announcers. All students are encouraged to work on all crews, but may select one or more in which they feel comfortable. Also, there is a graphics arts component to the club where students design the graphics that are viewed during our productions. This includes our logos, scoreboards, messages and any video work done that will be broadcast (such as credits and interviews).Show Description »
Math Team
In addition to participating in national math contests such as Math League and the Santa Clara University High School Math Competition, the team will offer tutoring to other students for both schoolwork and SAT problems.Show Description »
Creative minds are encouraged to be a part of this eclectic crew or at least submit their art, photography, poetry, and prose to our noble cause!Show Description »
Mock Trial
The Mock Trial team is designed to provide students an opportunity to learn and practice skills for courtroom trial performance and better understand the applicability of the Constitution.Show Description »
Monogram Club
The Monogram Club is open to all students who have earned a Varsity block in athletics, or who have participated in a drama production, the band, or in spirit groups.Show Description »
National Honor Society (NHS)
The National Honor Society recognizes students for outstanding scholarship, character, leadership, and service. Election to membership in the National Honor Society represents the highest honor and trust that can be bestowed upon a student in the junior or senior year of high school.Show Description »
Newspaper: The Lancer
The Lancer is the student-operated newspaper at Saint Francis High School. Every four to six weeks, we produce a paper covering school, state and national events in five different sections: news, sports, entertainment, opinions and features.Show Description »
The Photography Club offers students the chance to explore the art of photography. Students may join regardless of their level of experience.Show Description »
Radio Station
The most exclusive radio station in the area is KSFH 87.9 FM on the dial, and is located here on the SF campus. Members help with broadcasting, programming, and technical operation of this station.Show Description »
Research @ SF Club
The Research @ SF Club was established to support student research opportunities like internships and camps, to encourage participation in science competitions and to invite guest speakers to talk about their fields of expertise.Show Description »
The Robotics club is a project-oriented program. Students will have competitions throughout the year with assignments that are designed to teach different concepts.Show Description »
Science & Engineering
The Science and Engineering Club is for all who enjoy working with their hands to build fun and innovative machines. We use the principals of physics and engineering to design and construct our original ideas.Show Description »
Science Bowl
Students in the Science Bowl are geared to compete specifically in the annual US Department of Energy Science Bowl held at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC).Show Description »
Service Club
Service Club members manage the Thanksgiving Food Drive, two blood drives, a coat and a shoe drive, as well as helping out at a variety of school functions.Show Description »
Shadow Hosts
Freshmen are invited to serve as shadow hosts to eighth grade visiting students. Shadow Hosts are expected to answer questions about Saint Francis High School and show their eight grade guests around the campus.Show Description »
Shakespeare Club
Join us, and never have a dull weekend - you can experience the thrill of the best contemporary theater in the Bay area and exciting performances of the works of the world's most famous playwright, William Shakespeare.Show Description »
Speech & Debate
Team members compete in the Coast and National Forensics Leagues, as well as other local oratorical contests, qualifying competitors to the state and national tournaments.Show Description »
Spirit Commission
The Spirit Commission is a group of energetic students who build Saint Francis spirit and pride and carry on the traditions that make school fun.Show Description »
Spirit Squad
The Cheer Squad is a group of enthusiastic, talented students who perform a combination of cheerleading and dancing during rallies and football games.Show Description »
Stand Up! Speak Up!
Stand Up! Speak Up! is a social justice and activist club which seeks to educate our school community about various social problems which occur in our immediate community, our nation and our world.Show Description »
Stock Market Club
This dynamic group of fiscal savvy students will meet to discuss the basic principles of investing as well as the latest trends in the economy. This club is designed to provide an educational experience, a chance to get to know other students with an interest in business, and to share the fun in a game of knowledge and camaraderie.Show Description »
Student Council
The Student government at Saint Francis works to improve school spirit, monitor clubs and activities, represent the needs of the student body, make recommendation to the Administration and promote the values of Holy Cross.Show Description »
Teen Awareness Program (TAP)
The Teen Awareness Program (TAP), is a student-based program that tackles tough issues that teens face today. Using input from the TAP club members, the Board plans speakers and sponsors activities that focus on important issues that impact teenager's lives.Show Description »
Yearbook: The Poverello
Yearbook staff members provide the total conceptualization of the yearbook, designing photographing, reporting, writing and preparing the material for the printer.Show Description »
Yell Leaders
These energetic and dynamic students work with the band and cheer squad to lead the Rage Cage at most of the Lancer athletic events. Dressed in gold ties and armed with megaphones, these students are the leaders of the Rage Cage.Show Description »


text: MyFavorites 2 Publisher: PalaSoftware Inc. Genre: Business Released: 10 Jan, 2012 Size: 1.6 MB Price: FREE! Click here to request a review of this app App Store Info Description MyFavorites 2 will keep your frequent contacts handy and at your fingertips. Setup up contacts for fast calling, messaging, or emailing. Organize your contacts in groups that fit your needs. You can even message and email groups (multiple people at the same time). MyFavorites 2 is the fast and easy way to connect with your favorite contacts. What's New in Version 1.2.1 Bug fixes and updates for iOS7. Screenshots Screenshot 1 of 5


text:
Birds' Nests
You can substitute jelly beans for the chocolate pieces.
Yield: Makes 16
- 1/3 cup corn syrup
- 3 cups miniature marshmallows
- 2 tablespoons butter
- 5 cups crisp rice cereal
- Pastel-colored candy-coated chocolate pieces
- Stir together first 3 ingredients in a Dutch oven over low heat, and cook, stirring often, 8 minutes or until marshmallows melt. Add cereal, stirring until well blended.
- Spoon mixture evenly into 16 lightly greased muffin pan cups. Press with wax paper to compact. Press an indentation in centers, forming a nest, and let cool completely. Remove nests, and fill centers with pastel chocolate pieces.
- Peanut-Butter Birds' Nests: Reduce marshmallows to 2 cups, and substitute 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter for butter. Proceed as directed.
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Brownies from Amy's Bread
Posted By Jennifer On April 29, 2009 @ 6:50 am In bars,brownies,chocolate | Comments Disabled
Read and see more atBake or Break. Recipe from The Sweeter Side of Amy's Bread.
Preheat oven to 350°. Grease a 9″x 13″ baking pan. Line bottom of pan with parchment paper.
Melt butter, half of the chocolate chips, and usweetened chocolate in a double boiler (or microwave). Let mixture cool to warm.
Whisk sugar, eggs, and vanilla just until mixed. Over-mixing will cause crumbly brownies. Fold in warm chocolate mixture.
Whisk flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Fold dry ingredients into chocolate mixture until just combined. Stir in remaining chocolate chips and nuts (if using), mixing just until combined.
Pour batter into prepared pan. Spread to an even thickness. Bake 32-36 minutes. The edges will be slightly firm and the center will be soft when they are fully baked. Do not overbake. Cool completely in pan on wire rack.
Makes 12 large or 24 small brownies. These brownies may cut better if they are chilled first.
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It didn't end the way I thought it would end.
August 4, 2012
I am terrified that I'm repeatedly sabotaging my relationships with my trust issues. Please help me get a grip or perspective. I don't know what to do. I turned 28 a month ago, and the prospect of hitting the reset button this time--I had joked before about getting old, but this was the first time I truly felt the weight of it.
The Breakup:
My long distance boyfriend of eight months (he lives in SF, I live in LA) broke up with me on Tuesday. He texted me,"Am I going to get to see you tonight after dinner? I miss you." Instead of an affectionate chat with him, he dumped me. I was blindsided. He had never discussed any of these issues with me before.
The trips were taking too much out of him. They were becoming a burden. It was taking time away from and harming his career (he's a web developer at a startup--SF). Our relationship was taking away from his life instead of adding to it. I tried to figure out what was going on, where this was coming from, hoping it wasn't too late. He had just visited me less than two weeks ago, and things seemed great-- not enough couple downtime, but certainly not anything that made me think we were heading for a breakup. But it was too late. He had already come to this decision on his own--he said it was the best decision for him. It stung. I was an animal, repeating "It isn't fair", "we need more time" and, ultimately, "please don't do this". He was crying, I was crying. He said that he couldn't see a way where our situation would end happily without one of us making a life-changing sacrifice. We had discussed this before; it was understood that I'd eventually move up to SF if I found the right job or opportunity, but that I wouldn't move exclusively for him. But I had no idea this vague timeline had suddenly run out. Only last week he said that he wanted me to move up to SF.
We talked from midnight to 4am, and agreed to speak again. On Wednesday, after having had some time to consider, I told him that I accepted his decision, but that he handled it terribly, like a coward, and didn't accord me the same benefit of the doubt and chance that I gave him (see below). If he had told me when he was first experiencing these doubts then we could have addressed them as a couple, and perhaps grown closer together in the process. Or if I came to the same conclusion, at least it would have been a mutual one. He let me talk, and said that I was right--that it was entirely selfish on his part and that he felt sad and ashamed, and said that I had given the relationship my all. For some reason I held out hope if I explained how I felt, he would realize I had valid points, re-evaluate his concerns and consider trying again. Yes, I was going to logic my way out of the decision I thought he had logicked himself into. But no. He didn't want to try. After listening to me, he said I deserved better than excuses. And it was hard to hear, but they certainly rang more true than the things he was saying the previous night. He had never said he loved me because...he didn't. Our relationship never felt real to him. After 8 months, he said people begin to have expectations that a relationship is going somewhere, and that he didn't think we were strong enough to keep going until that undefined day I would move to SF. Love is in the everyday, I cried. Something that we had never had, because we started long distance. He said to call him or talk to him whenever I needed, but I am still reeling. I want him back.
How we started:
He was moving in as a new roommate of a college friend of mine, whom I regularly stayed with when I was in SF. In November we chatted for about an hour before I left for the airport, and I happened to be visiting again for New Year's Eve. My friend was working, and he happened to be at the house, so we got some takeout and started watching a travel series. I genuinely enjoyed it, had a great time talking with him, and I guess he became interested, because he texted me after midnight on New Year's Eve, saying that he wanted to see me that night. And we did see each other, went back to his place, and in the morning, he made me breakfast. And since I had a plane to catch in a few hours, I asked if he to leave this as it was--I would be fine with it, or if he wanted to explore it. And he wanted to--at which point I unloaded my entire relationship history on him because I wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into, and because long distance relationships are (say it with me) HARD. I told him about every major relationship I had, some good, spanning 3-4 years, and some bad, where I had been cheated on and now I now have severe trust and paranoia issues. SF and LAX aren't that far apart, he said, and he thought we were mature enough to communicate well. And so we parted, and in the ride to the airport, I told my friend (who I spent part of NYE with before breaking off with a different group of friends) that I was going to pursue a relationship with his roommate. My friend became incredibly angry, angrier than I had ever seen him, and subsequently cut me out of his life, because he explained that he felt it was unacceptable that I had slept with his roommate, and that I was using my friend as a free hotel. To this day, he has not returned any of my phone calls or emails. He also eventually asked my ex to move out of the apartment in June, saying that he felt he couldn't trust my ex because my ex never explicitly mentioned that he was continuing a relationship with me.
How those issues played out:
Initially the first few months were great, as they always are--late night talks until 3am discovering each other, a week in Costa Rica that was fantastic. We also talked quite a bit about my friend and how to make amends, but my friend never returned any of my attempts at clearing the air. Otherwise I was so happy--I joked that I couldn't find anything wrong with this guy, and my girlfriends were all thrilled that I was finally dating someone who made me happy, who was intelligent, ambitious, had a steady job--a marked change from the men I had been involved with before.
But as things progressed, and we dealt with the realities of being long distance (awkward, banal Skype talks where I prattled on about inane shit because I felt like I had to fill the air or be entertaining, since I couldn't just curl up next to him with a book or computer). And there were times when I would hang up after a Skype chat, feeling depressed because of an uninspiring conversation, wondering if he was just tired (he's an early bird, I'm a night owl) or whether he was losing interest in me.
For July 4th I visited him, and while he was working I worked from his apartment, and I read his journal. I honestly wasn't expecting to find anything. He had done nothing to arouse suspicion--but by then I was compulsively checking his Facebook and Twitter for no good reason. It wouldn't have mattered how good the partner was, I would have still felt the same need to know. I found pretty frightening stuff--in April he visited a sister in NY, and there was a mutual friend who he hadn't seen for a few years. He wrote that he became obsessed with her over the weekend and forgot about me, instead ignoring his sister to pay attention to this girl, fantasizing about her. And he wrote that he and I were not going to last forever, and that he wasn't looking forward to breaking up with me because he didn't want to break my heart.
I fled the apartment and wandered around SF before landing in a cafe to drink several glasses of wine. That night when he came home I was a nervous wreck, and started questioning him about our relationship and whether it was serious, and whether he was truly committed to making this work with me. He was understanably taken aback, but it became a conversation that we both agreed we needed to have, and he assured me that he wanted to make it work, and that he too was frustrated by the distance and the limitations of Skype. That he had not said "I love you" (and neither had I when sober; drunk I had told him a few times that I loved him) because in his first, and major relationship, he had said it and been badly hurt (it was a year, he was 23 and she was older and wanted children. He admitted that she wore the pants in that relationship, and pressured him into getting engaged. She left him for the man she would eventually marry).
The next day, I confessed that I had read his journal, fully expecting him to break up with me, but he handled it very differently than I feared. He said it was clear that I was punishing myself for it, and that what he wrote was what he was feeling at the time, but that he was choosing to be with me, and that he wanted to make it work with me, and that he would give me as long as I needed to work on these issues. He said he would be there waiting for me. I was amazed, and I made the conscious decision to trust him about not cheating on me, and I was so glad that it looked like I had found someone who was accepting me for who I was, and was willing to work with me on my issues. We both said that it felt like we had made a huge step forward as a couple, and he said that he felt much closer to me, and that he thought this openess was a good foundation to build on.
That was a month ago. I'm left reeling even more because I thought this was a real chance to have a healthy relationship. I'm exhausted, so sad, so weary. And I feel so broken. I feel like I set in motion a self-fulfilling prophecy by being so frank about my fears. I'm angry because I feel like we were defeated by distance, and afraid that it wasn't distance at all, but compatability issues that I was too blind to see, or didn't know him well enough to perceive. I'm afraid that he met someone else, and that the prospect of dating someone in person (and a person who is NOT crazy) is much more attractive than putting time and effort into just maintaining a relationship that is stuck, unable to grow closer because of long distance.
Summary: I screwed up a potentially great relationship because of my pattern of self-sabotage due to my past relationships ending in cheating? He's a great guy, a wonderful guy did everything right, who handled the end of a relationship poorly. It's his right to decide that it's time for him to move on, as much right as I have if I had decided to do so. But I wanted this one to work out so badly--he was so good to me, and I feel so cheated that we never were able to be a couple in the same place, and experience the everyday.
posted by
blue rare
Human Relations
(30 answers total)
9 users marked this as a favorite
Long distance relationships are hard, even with a fixed end point and a solid plan for when the couple are going to be together in the same place. LDRs without a clear end point in sight are an order of magnitude harder than that.
So I'm not sure you screwed up the relationship, although sure reading his journal and obsessive fb/twitter checking didn't help things. But from everything you've written it sounds like the stress of the LDR, without that clear and timely plan for when you'd be moving to SF, precipitated the end. I don't see that either you or he really did anything wrong beyond not having your end-of-LDR plan in place.
I can imagine the former friend/roommate situation and being kicked out of the apartment only added to that stress.
As an aside, your former friend sounds like a real asshat and he needs to be making amends if you are to ever be friends again. Doesn't matter if he was always secretly in love with you or whatever, his actions were way out of line.
If you do truly feel you've somehow sabotaged things with your bf or see recurring negative patterns in your relationships maybe consider finding a therapist to help you work through some issues re: cheating, trust, etc. Or perhaps some other mefites can recommend some relevant books. But try not to beat yourself too much about it. You're not a bad person.
posted by
on August 4, 2012
I screwed up a potentially great relationship because of my pattern of self-sabotage due to my past relationships ending in cheating?
What exactly is it you think you did to screw this up? Being open about your past and your fears? That's not self-sabotage, that's communication. The only thing you did that really does count as wrong is reading his journal, but it doesn't sound like he considered that a relationship-ending offense by itself - and plus, what you found there does not in fact make him sound like the ultra-committed guy he told you he was.
by then I was compulsively checking his Facebook and Twitter for no good reason. It wouldn't have mattered how good the partner was, I would have still felt the same need to know.
Mmm. I wouldn't be so sure, unless you know for a fact that you have done this in relationships where there really wasn't a problem. It sounds like you did this because you felt uneasy about the stability of this relationship, and you felt
because you were picking up on some ambivalence on his part. (I mean, I don't recommend obsessive FB and twitter checking as a good means of dealing with that, let alone reading someone's private journal, but don't be so keen to berate yourself over how you acted on your instincts that you forget to listen to those instincts altogether.)
I'm really sorry it didn't work out, but it doesn't sound like it was ever going to - not with this guy, not in this situation. You didn't ruin it because you're 'broken' and 'crazy'. 28 is not old and there are better things for you in the future, I promise.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
7 favorites
I don't see you sabotaging the relationship that much; it probably went the way a lot of LDRs do. Except maybe this part:
And he wanted to--at which point I unloaded my entire relationship history on him because I wanted to make sure he knew what he was getting into, and because long distance relationships are (say it with me) HARD. I told him about every major relationship I had, some good, spanning 3-4 years, and some bad, where I had been cheated on and now I now have severe trust and paranoia issues.
I don't know; it may be that this is getting to be, or could be, a self-fulfilling prophecy with you on some level, even the level where you chose this guy and this type of relationship.
Oh, and the roommate/friend guy does sound like a total jerk; has he always been like that?
posted by
on August 4, 2012
(A digression in case you
worrying about age and marriage instead of just age and still-not-being-grown-up: the issue isn't when most American women marry, it's when people in your social circle, people of your general background and aspirations, marry. In my social circle, for example, people marry late - early thirties is the average, and late thirties isn't impossible. If your entire peer group is married, yes, that drops your odds - but if all your friends are still in that grad school/early career/living-with-housemates thing, it does not.)
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
1 favorite
the current median age of first-time marriage for American women is 26. This means that you have a less than 50% chance to marry.
What? I don't think you can derive chance of lifetime marriage from the average age of first marriage.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
24 favorites
Sent my comment too soon. Generally, I would not worry at 28 about whether you'll be able to get married because this didn't work out. This relationship was sort of doomed to fail, sorry. Like someone mentioned above, LDRs mostly tend to work out if they have one or both of the following (and both is way better) (based on my experience of having friends do them, and I'm in one now) if 1) the couple was together in the same place for a significant amount of time before going long-distance, 2) if the long distance is at a fixed time or is short. I'm at the beginning of the LD time of a relationship and it's been really, really hard and we were together in person for a long time before the distance started. Don't beat yourself up for this relationship, which had an astounding number of confounding factors (the distance, the not knowing each other well before distance, the shitty roommate thing, etc.).
posted by
on August 4, 2012
To expand a bit on the point about the guys you choose: you don't give much of a picture of your boyfriend but your summary of what he wrote in his journal makes him sound a bit self-involved and dramatic. Although, that's the problem with reading people's journals; people feel free to indulge their worst sides in them. Then again I am surprised he wasn't horrified by having those sentiments be seen by you, and that he was willing to go on after that. Maybe he likes participating in drama. The friend/roommate guy absolutely sounds self-involved and dramatic. Maybe your whole circle of friends is that way but it sounds really unhealthy to me.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
2 favorites
We women tend to blame ourselves when relationships don't work out. I've definitely done my share of that, as you can see from my question history.
So I'll just say that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
He wasn't the right guy. He didn't want it to happen.
Working on your trust issues is a good idea because it will make your life happier -- you can spend your energy curing cancer or watching bad TV instead of obsessing over his FB and Twitter feeds. But it's not your fault that this relationship ended.
Your life is going to get better from this point forward. This is going to be a turning point. Not just in your trust issues, but in the rest of your life.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
2 favorites
Some people are built to be able to handle long distance relationships. Others aren't. For a third, more limited subset, it's negotiable as long as you're getting a good enough deal.
From what I'm reading here, it sounds like you simply aren't one of those LDR people - and that's entirely fine. Personally I don't see the appeal of it myself, and I'd never get into one without a hard fixed end date (a problem you yourself identified here).
I also don't see anything wrong with you reading his Twitter/Facebook/Livejournal or whatever. This is not paranoid behavior on your part. He posted it out there, making it public domain - he WANTED somebody to read it. How odd would it be to write something that was accessible to the whole world but not to your own girlfriend? And your "trust issues" aren't a problem unless you find yourself with
doubts and fears. From what you've written, it sounds like your doubts and fears were quite justified.
I think right now you're simply in the "OMG, I'm such a terrible person, what could I have done differently?" phase of the breakup. We've all been there. The main lesson that I believe you should try to take away from all this is that you're not built for LDRs and should try to avoid them in the future.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
4 favorites
You didn't sabotage this relationship with trust issues.
posted by
J. Wilson
on August 4, 2012 [
3 favorites
This is not your fault. Feeling old at 28 is understandable, but absurd. Try to forgive this guy, he obviously cared about you and was therefore a wuss about hurting you.
Stop defining yourself to yourself and to boys as "having issues". If you've dated, then you have history, sure. This does not mean you are damaged and fragile, it means you know what to look out for and you know what you want.
In the future - skip the unloading. The next time you start seeing someone (which you will of course), make sure to match their pace exactly. Invite for invite, call for call, conversation starter topic for topic. It is not your job to make the relationship work, and if you follow this pattern it will help you identify when there is a mismatch in investment sooner.
Also, no journal reading (!). Hide people on social networks as soon as you start dating. Our feeble human brains have not quite evolved the self control required to handle having access to that much information about the people we are banging.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
11 favorites
I don't see any reason to believe that you sabotaged this relationship. I sounds like it just didn't work out, mostly because, as you say, it's hard to start a relationship long distance. You seem to be reacting to the difficulty of the LDR by trying to make more allowances, while he's reacting by deciding not to be in a long distance relationship. These are both valid choices.
Finally, as a data point, almost none of my friends married before 30, and the ones who did were seen as a little odd. So I understand that you're hurting right now, but you haven't run out of time the way you seem to think.
posted by
Ragged Richard
on August 4, 2012 [
1 favorite
It sounds like you started obsessively following him on social media and then reading his private journal because you were not getting what you wanted out of the relationship. You mention the frustrating Skype calls, the distance between you.
In the future if you recognize these feelings or even the obsessive patterns, finding yourself going back and reading every tweet and FB post (or whatever) consider that these may be symptoms and that you are unhappy about the relationship.
This sort of thing is not healthy and at its worst continues until you find or manufacture something bad enough to use as a vehicle for expressing the upset you already feel.
If you see yourself there stop what you are doing and think about the underlying sources of your unease. Speak with your partner about these concerns directly rather than through the proxy of a journal entry, etc. Express your feelings and explore solutions.
Good luck!
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
10 favorites
I screwed up a potentially great relationship because of my pattern of self-sabotage due to my past relationships ending in cheating?
This is the only thing approaching a question, so I'll take a shot.
Sometimes relationships don't work out even if you do everything right. Sometimes it doesn't work even if you
do everything right.
It sounds to me that he liked you a lot, but not enough to continue long distance. That sucks. You feel like shit, and I'd feel like shit too if I were in your position.
You're trying to develop a theory that will make sense of this situation, because if you can understand it then maybe you can fix it. I think you need to accept the fact that this didn't happen to you because of your past, it happened because you're human and relationships ending badly is something that happens to humans.
posted by
no regrets, coyote
on August 4, 2012 [
8 favorites
Or if I came to the same conclusion, at least it would have been a mutual one. He let me talk, and said that I was right--that it was entirely selfish on his part
By this yardstick, the only breakups that would happen are mutual ones because if they're not mutual, the departing party is "selfish." Breakups
selfish. You want to be with him. He doesn't want to be with you. He's been clear he's making the best decision for himself.
That is his job
when dating and un-dating.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
5 favorites
Only musing to offer is that perhaps since there's always been "a reason" in the past (cheating, etc.), it's throwing you for a loop that things sometimes naturally end because it's a poor fit between the two people.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
1 favorite
How would you have felt if you moved to San Francisco and then he dumped you?
Sometimes it happens that one person is just not as into it as the other. You were blindsided because in LDR you don't see the small, daily signs that things aren't hunky-dory.
Working for a start up in San Franciso is shorthand for: "I'm wanting to devote my life to my work, I might as well become a monk."
This probably has so much less to do with you than it has to do with your ex-boyfriend's priorities.
Long Distance can't go on forever, as some point there has to be a plan for you to get together in one place.
Stop blaming yourself, it has so much less to do with you than it does with what your boyfriend wants for his life right now.
So you're sad, disappointed and angry. You have a right to feel that way. Be good to yourself. Give yourself the breakup prescription:
1. Get rid of EVERYTHING that he left at your place,
2. Don't pig out on garbage, but eat lovely, lovingly prepared meals that nourish you.
3. Get together with your friends for a commisseration evening. Cocktails and dinner in a quiet setting. Even better, a movie night with action movies and pizza.
4. Sleep more.
5. Exercise.
6. If you can, a short road trip to clear your head is in order.
Block his number on your cell and landline, direct his emails to a dump file, defriend him on social media. No contact is the best contact.
It's going to suck, especially when you're alone, so stay busy. Take a class, do some volunteer work, work on your novel. Whatever it takes to keep the gears in your head from grinding over every little detail of your relationship.
There was nothing you could have done to change this outcome. Nothing.
Accept it and move on.
posted by
Ruthless Bunny
on August 4, 2012 [
10 favorites
I agree with other commenters: you didn't sabotage this relationship.
This is the crux of the matter:
He had never said he loved me because...he didn't. Our relationship never felt real to him.
I know that must have been really tough to hear, but this is what you need to listen to. It wasn't going to work, and I think the long-distance part of the relationship didn't have much to do with why it didn't work.
Understandably, you are over-thinking, over-processing right now. I encourage you to do what you need to let go of him; Ruthless Bunny's advice is spot on.
posted by
on August 4, 2012
Hi folks, I realized that I didn't actually formulate a question for this post--or this epic brain dump in an attempt to make sense or gain control, in a way. What I'm hoping to gain is a sense of what to do in my next relationship, or what should I should be mindful of concerning my own behavior. What is tripping me up the most is that I thought I had found someone who was communicating with me and willing to work on building a healthy relationship with me, but ultimately slipped the rug out from my feet without any communication at all.
For context, my first two boyfriends lasted for 3 and 4 years, respectively. The second did cheat on me at a particularly bad time in my life, but I've made my peace with that and am friends with both of these exes, particularly the first. However, I feel that the cheating did leave me vulnerable and needy, and I ended up plunging into relationships with people that I would have normally never considered because they were bad for me. Every single person (3 or 4 people) afterwards cheated on me, and I found out or confirmed through snooping, and I am desperate to break this snooping behavior. I feel compelled to research my partners as much as possible, most likely to gain a false sense of control. My last breakup saw me resort to therapy and anti depressants and therapy sessions where I used up multiple boxes of tissues--all over relationships with people who I knew rationally didn't deserve me. I just want to break this cycle--I've given my fb password to a friend and had her change it, because the prospect of compulsively refreshing his page for months on end made me sick.
What can I do to avoid that rabbit hole thinking that I wasn't good enough, or that the end of the relationship was my fault? How do I become a more confident, mentally healthier person?
Thank you all who have responded already--I appreciate it very much. A few points to clarify:
BibiRose: My circle of friends and I are baffled by my former friend's behavior and believe he is overreacting. My college friends who knew him think perhaps my friend was angry at seeing me walking into another bad relationship, or perhaps my drama was now hitting too close to home. My friends who don't know him think that he had feelings for me and never told me. I always viewed him as a platonic friend, someone who I discussed my personal life with many a time. Regardless, I'm sad that he is still angry at me, and that he felt the need to ask my ex to leave.
Wolfdreams01: I did indeed read a private, paper journal--not something that was posted to the internet.
And as for having just turned 28--I feel like I've been subjected to the same lesson several times but have not actually taken the lesson to heart. I feel like I should be a bit more hip to the game, at this point in my life--I want to be more savvy and able to protect myself, because I don't want to be this insecure, needy person into my 30s.
posted by
blue rare
on August 4, 2012
most likely to gain a false sense of control.
This is at the root of all these problems. You're trying to control something that can't be controlled, and you're making yourself miserable in the process. Because if you believe that it's possible to enure that a relationship won't fail, then it follows that, when it or fail, it's your fault. The first step toward being able to exit a relationship in a healthy way is understanding, really understanding, that a lot of what happens in a relationship is going to be out of your hands.
posted by
Ragged Richard
on August 4, 2012 [
2 favorites
My guess is that he didn't communicate his doubts about the relationship with you because they were based on not being in love with you, rather than the distance or any other factor. He eventually just decided he wasn't that into you and didn't want to be in a relationship with you.
posted by
J. Wilson
on August 4, 2012
You didn't screw up a committed relationship. What he wrote in his journal was what he really felt, what he said to you after was a lie to keep you around at the time because he wasn't comfortable with letting you go yet, & being alone. Your reaction of being shocked with his explanation to you about what you saw was right- you should have been shocked, because it made no logical sense. 2nding the feeling that he possibly likes being the center of romantic drama. I would have found it weird that he didn't seemed concerned when presented with the information that you indeed saw what he wrote, & then calmly told you the story that the opposite was true & he'd give you time to work out your issues (what??). Sounds like someone who has some experience at being smooth at lying, & not much empathy for who it will hurt.
That should have been your cue right there to believe what he wrote & not the smooth (& confusing) talk that happened afterwards.
You deserve better. Someone who's going to be honest about their feelings, & not be careless with yours. I can speak from experience.
For future relationships, when things don't seem to make logical sense, pay attention to it, hopefully it will save you from stringing along into more heartache down the line.
In all, his lacking of qualities you need will be beneficial (unfortunately though it won't seem so at this time). Now you can find someone who truly loves you, and enough to be honest with his feelings and protective of yours. He wasn't the one for you- the void he left has opened up that space for someone else to come in & give you the kind of relationship you want, one where you feel safe & secure. Don't put a time limit on it, it will happen when it does. In the meantime try to enjoy your life, & know what a wonderful person you are. Because you are, truly wonderful. Don't let anyone treat you other than that, in their words or their actions. Be kind to yourself, & know that you deserve to be happy- we all do, & you're no exception.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
2 favorites
It kind of sounds like you're doing some good things.
It sounds like you met a decent guy, set appropriate boundaries with your (former) friend, and pursued a relationship that was fun and affirming while it lasted. It ended not because he cheated on you but because he just wasn't that into it, and it ended not after years of dragged out mediocrity but in fairly short order after things began to feel like they were going south.
Things to learn from it might be to be more sensitive to what it means when you're tempted to do things that are bad for you, and maybe more willing to end a relationship yourself when something doesn't feel right, and to not pry. But if therapy was what got you to the point of having this relationship that seems relatively much better than your past ones, maybe just keep at it. And, of course at building other non-romantic loving and affirming relationships.
posted by
on August 4, 2012
What I'm hoping to gain is a sense of what to do in my next relationship, or what should I should be mindful of concerning my own behavior.
Don't read your partner's journal. When/if you have kids, don't read their journals. That's the "screwing up" you did.
The other stuff was a long distance relationship that didn't work out, and a friend who was weird about you dating his housemate. Both of those things happen all the time.
And you don't have to have figured out how to do relationships properly in every detail by age 28. Or by age 30. Or by age whatever.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
1 favorite
I really applaud your efforts to change your Harriet the Spy behaviors. You can change them. And your relationships--all of your relationships, not just your romances--will be better for the change.
Best to you. Sorry things didn't work out with this guy, but that happens.
posted by
on August 4, 2012 [
1 favorite
Wolfdreams01: I did indeed read a private, paper journal--not something that was posted to the internet.
Oh geez - really? I misinterpreted that and thought it was a blog or something. Yeah, that's pretty bad - you should definitely stop doing that.
posted by
on August 5, 2012
OP, are you still in therapy?
I think it might help if you stopped trying to rationalize everything. I don't think you sabotaged this relationship with your trust issues, although I certainly don't think they helped -- to me, your relationship doesn't sound like it had a solid foundation to start with. This isn't about you not being good enough for him, so much as it is that you were not
for him, and vice versa.
posted by
on August 5, 2012
smi1tten, I only went to two sessions, as I didn't feel very comfortable with the therapist. I am considering finding a new therapist, as I'm getting caught in some unhealthy and circular thinking that I realize will not get me anywhere. I'm reluctant to admit that that we were so incompatible with each other, to this degree, and it's easier on my ego to blame the distance--rationally I know that there's nothing wrong with me, but I'm still equivocating this breakup with something lacking in me.
posted by
blue rare
on August 5, 2012
If this relationship had blossomed into something that thrived, would you think it was all because of you? Likewise, you are not responsible for it coming to an end.
I think life is for learning, not staying protected. You cannot think your way into insight. You can give yourself the love you need. Then everything else will not feel so dangerous.
Best wishes.
posted by
on August 5, 2012 [
2 favorites
One of the differences I have noticed between the younger me (20's) and the older me (30's) is that the older me understands that stories do not end. The younger me would write things off as DONE OVER FINITO and the older me understands that I may come back to it, or it might cross paths with me, or something even better might come into that empty space. So while the younger me might hold on desperately trying to make it work and avoid that end, the older me would relax and accept the bad timing or whatnot that put a pause on something. Maybe it's trust that lets me do this - trust in myself rather than trust in a relationship or whatever.
I'm not saying you and he will get back together, but I am saying to cherish all the good moments for what they were and be aware that there are more very good moments in your future to come. This is not the end. It is a paragraph in your story, and it may haunt you a while, but what you learn will serve you well in the future.
I don't see that anything deliberately bad caused this split. I think it was just mismatched timing and someone who did not want to put in the effort and commitment (as is his choice). Maybe, because of his nature that led him to make that choice, he would have been a bad match for you even if you'd been living in the same city and the situation was perfect. Maybe it just says something about him wasn't right. Trying to peer into your past for where it went wrong will not do you any good. It is what it is.
posted by
on August 6, 2012 [
6 favorites
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Welcome to Springs Orleans, a taste of New Orleans in downtown Colorado Springs. Serving traditional and imaginative fare that is sure to please even the most discerning of diners. Whether you are looking for Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner Springs Orleans offers fabulous food, a fun atmosphere and on the right evening, some great entertainment.
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Connecticut Sea Grant Supplemental Omnibus RFP 2014-2016: Period for LOI is closed
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Download Connecticut Sea Grant Budget Form 90-4 in Excel
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Long Island Sound Research 2015-2016
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A Story About Maureen in Orlando
Such cool stuff happens at my nationwide traveling green smoothie class. I love visiting a city near you and telling stories and research and giving you ideas and incentives to add simple but life-changing habits to your routine. In Orlando and Tampa, a lady named Maureen volunteered, to my staff, to make the green smoothie […]3 Comments • Continue Reading →
Nick and Kristin are on the road with me!
Our beautiful reader and 12 Stepper Sheryl Babcock came to 6 of my free lectures with her friends and we think she is wonderful. But her record was smashed by the amazing Nick and Kristin Lassonde, who have now traveled to NINE cities to hear the GreenSmoothieGirl message. They showed up in St George, Las […]Leave a comment • Continue Reading →
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My certified GreenSmoothieGirl coach for Utah and Idaho, Jennifer Parker, is doing a class in Orem, and Sandy, Oct. 13 and 27, with limited tickets available, called HOW TO SHOP! A TOUR OF YOUR HEALTH FOOD STORE She'll be walking you through the Good Earth store near you. Showing you the best baking ingredients. The […]6 Comments • Continue Reading →
What coaches have to say about their visit to Utah. Part 4 of 4
This is what some of our coaches said about their 5 days in Utah: What an amazing week! We learned, laughed, cried, hiked & did yoga in the breathtaking Fall colors of Sundance. I am so impressed with Robyn, her greensmoothiegirl.com team and the other coaches. These ladies are smart and fun! They are knowledgeable, capable, and experienced. The […]5 Comments • Continue Reading →
We're back from the Pacific Northwest! part 1 of 2
Just back from the Pacific Northwest, where our audience size has doubled each of the three times I have spoken there. I had Couer d'Alene on the schedule so I could see my grandpa, but he died in May. We went anyway and spoke to nearly 150 of our friends, and then 230 in Seattle […]6 Comments • Continue Reading →
A healer in every home…..PART 2 of 3
The medical profession doesn't have a single drug that the blood-brain barrier doesn't put up a mounted defense against! (It's a good thing, since drugs are never assimilated, digested, and eliminated by the body as natural plant foods and medicinal extracts are. And they always have side effects. Some side effects we FEEL, some we […]15 Comments • Continue Reading →
Colorado, here we come—and help for Aurora shooting and fires victims
As Kristin and I leave for the 10-hour drive to Colorado tomorrow, we are mindful of the terrible tragedy and suffering due to the shooting and the fires. Yesterday my team forwarded me an email about a woman attending my lecture whose daughter was shot in the face but has miraculously survived and has a […]Leave a comment • Continue Reading →
We love the SOUTH! Part 2 of 3
One GSG reader said this to me, the very first thing when she sat down to chat with me after our Raleigh class: "I want you to know that I was there, right behind you, in your divorce in 2008. I was praying for you." My eyes are welling up, right now, thinking about this. […]9 Comments • Continue Reading →


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1- Visit Mellow Johnny's – owned by Lance Armstrong. Cool hub for fitness and social activity
2- Check out the Whole Food's flagship store
3- Grab a bite from one of the city's famous Food Trailers
4- Stroll along the renowed South Congress Ave
5- Eat some BBQ
Any other suggestions? Just let me know…
Continue reading Top 5 things I'm thinking about doing tomorrow in Austin, TX »


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