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How do I deal with extended family that I find emotionally draining?
July 25, 2009
How do I deal with my extended family if every moment I spend with them results in emotional turmoil and descents into deep depression much like their own?
I live out of state from most of my family and have a happy little family all my own. Things are going great for me: I have happy children, a nice house, a loving wife, a great job. I'm an upbeat person and know how lucky I am, and I enjoy every minute of life. I'm thankful every day of my life.
My parents and my sibling and his family are located in the state where I grew up, pretty much still in my hometown. Parents are suffering from multiple ailments where one is in and out of the hospital while the other tries to work a full time 3rd shift job (and they're both in their 60s). They suffer from a string of bad luck and worse choices. There are unpaid credit cards, minor car accidents, a house with urine soaked carpeting and cockroaches running about. My sibling's family is deep in consumer debt, my sibling has had a dead end job for over a decade that they complain about. They hit their children as discipline. They buy new cars and go on vacations while barely being able to make rent. Both parents and sibling have had to call me and ask for thousands of dollars to evade eviction.
Now I'm a happy guy that knows he is lucky to have a good life, but whenever I'm in the company of my family (I fly out to see them once every 4 months or so) I try to talk to them to help them and I hear nothing but negativity how there's no upside to their situations and how the world is unfair and against them. They complain that I don't visit enough (I've mentioned it costs $1k-2k to fly out with hotels/cars etc.). They complain endlessly about their problems and seem to have little idea (and put no effort into) how to dig themselves out of their predicaments. Sometimes for me it feels like yelling at a wall.
Interacting with my extended family involves lots of frustration (half with them not trying to make better decisions, half with my powerlessness to help them) tons of emotion and overall I leave feeling completely depressed with little hope for the human race.
Interacting at home with my own family is a supportive, wonderful environment but anything more than a phonecall to my extended family and I'm down in the dumps for a week. I'm starting to decrease my visits to them and call instead, but even that is incredibly emotionally draining.
I'd like to support my extended family and I hope to continue trying to help them out but every interaction tears me down and I don't know how to deal with them anymore. I don't want to cut off interaction with them because it seems incredibly selfish of me to do that, but I have to figure out some sort of middle ground. I don't know what that middle ground should be or how I can keep myself from falling into their spirals of negativity.
What should I do?
posted by
Human Relations
(23 answers total)
6 users marked this as a favorite
Please carefully examine the line between "supporting" and "enabling" . They are not your responsibility, they are your family, there is a difference....
Embrace your own life.
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
4 favorites
One definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing, over and over, and expect that this time you will magically get different results. Try something different. In particular, try out these two ideas:
1. I am not responsible for my family. They are adults who are entitled to make their own decisions, whether I approve or not.
2. It is unrealistic to expect other people to change just because I want them to be different from who they are. Try to accept your family with love, which mean accepting their flaws with no expectation that they will change.
You said:
Interacting with my extended family involves lots of frustration (half with them not trying to make better decisions, half with my powerlessness to help them)
. I'm suggesting that changing your expectations will avoid this frustration. Don't expect them to make better decisions. Don't take on the responsibility for making their lives better when they are not open to your help.
If you want to try this, I would spend a lot of time talking with your partner - exploring your feelings, developing some mantra's to repeat to yourself when dealing with them and to have support for making this big change in your relationship with them.
I'm sure many people will encourage you to just cut off the relationship since it is so toxic for you. However, if you can find a different way of relating that allows you to have some contact with the family that you love in a way that is healthier for you.
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
3 favorites
Your family situation is not that uncommon. They probably make you feel guilty frequently. Try not to let them. It doesn't do you or them any good. You are not responsible for their happiness.
You are being very dedicated by flying out to see them 4 times a year. Once a year would be very generous. We only see each of our parents or siblings once every three years, usually, as we're really spread out. You have your immediate family to take care of, too, and your extended family are grownups. You can always invite them to see you, even if you know they won't come.
Someday you might need to take care of them for real, but you won't be able to if you don't take care of yourself first.
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
1 favorite
In my experience negativity will come out during "dead time". So next time you go back to visit, make plans to do things and keep everyone busy. This will a) reduce the chances for the negativity to come out and b) give you an opportunity to create positive experiences with your family, something that you all could use.
And not to pick nits but they're your family. Your extended family would be your uncles and cousins and the like.
posted by
any portmanteau in a storm
on July 25, 2009
I'm really, really sorry for you - this sounds like a brutally tough situation. I've got something that's maybe a pale shadow of this going on with my own parents. I really have a hard time interacting with them, and they often upset me. The
thing that has ever helped is minimizing the time I spend with them. Even that only partially works, because then I get to hear the same stuff you do - how I ignore them, etc. But at least there's peace in between the nagging phone calls and emails.
I know you say you want to support your family, and it sounds like you've already been extremely generous. But if I were in your shoes, I would try dialing back your interactions with them further. I know this might feel difficult and even painful, but it might be the only way.
posted by
Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell
on July 25, 2009
I have had to deal with this type of situation both with immediate (failure at life) and extended family (perfectionists). At one point in time I had a lightbulb moment after discussing these issues with my mom that I have to try to let them not affect me, as in turn, I
affect them. They are adults and no matter what their issues may be, there is nothing I can do to change them, because in both situations the individuals involved are stubborn and unwilling to acknowledge a problem or change.
Simply knowing that there really is nothing I can do to help them relieved a lot of the guilt involved in these relationships, and allowed me to take my interactions with them at face value.
posted by
on July 25, 2009
They buy new cars and go on vacations while barely being able to make rent. Both parents and sibling have had to call me and ask for thousands of dollars to evade eviction.
I hope to continue trying to help them out
It sounds as if this will never ever succeed. I'm not saying you should stop
them, but I'd encourage you to consider stopping this effort at "helping them out." You don't have to cut off interaction to find a middle ground, but I think you need to find a way to be part of their lives without either advising them or bailing them out. They're not taking your (presumably reasonable) financial advice and you're subsidizing their mistakes. How often you visit is entirely up to you, but I think you need to untangle your financial relationship.
posted by
on July 25, 2009
It sounds to me that interacting with your parents and brother makes you feel guilty that you have escaped their fate. This guilt leads you to try to "help" them. But the truth is that you really can't help them. Not if it means getting sucked into their vortex. If they ask you for specific advice- give it, but don't bring it up on your own. If they need money and you're in a position to give, do it, but understand that it's probably not going to be paid back and it doesn't mean that you get to tell them how to live.
My suggestion would be to go visit them for a short period of time, and try to do something fun with them every day. Go to a park or the beach or a movie or take them out to a nice restaurant or an amusement park or whatever. Have a good time, and then go back to your hotel and try to stay out of the drama and depression. Do this for three or four days and then fly back home to your loving, supportive family.
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
2 favorites
I am totally serious about this. There is no upside to continued contact with them at all.
I say this as someone who walked away from my parents when I was 19. (They were control freaks who couldn't deal with the fact that I had a girlfriend, who is now my wife and companion of 25 years).
Years later I reconnected, they had gotten a bit of clue, and we meet occasionally for lunch. All OK.
But you cannot let them dictate the terms and frame the relationship.
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
1 favorite
Every 4 months seems like a bit too often to leave the warm, loving family you've created to go be with people who drain you emotionally.
You don't have to cut them off totally, but why not shift your visits to 2x per year, then 1x per year.
Give yourself some distance. They are busy repeating their pattern; you don't have to repeat yours.
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
2 favorites
One visit a year sounds like plenty, considering the distance and cost. You might also reduce the amount of time you spend on the phone, and especially make clear (calmly) that you won't be listening to endless complaints anymore.
When the complaints begin, you might say something like, "I'm sorry you're unhappy. Have you tried [reasonable advice you gave and they ignored]? You haven't? I'll be happy to hear how it goes when you try it. But right now, I don't want to hear anything but the things you've done to fix the situation." If the family member responds with more negativity and excuses, you could follow it with, "I'm sorry, but I have to hang up now. Let me know when you've tried X. Goodbye."
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
3 favorites
anonymous: I don't want to cut off interaction with them because it seems incredibly selfish of me to do that…
Yeah, I never told my parents about that. And it happened when I was only eight.
my psychiatrist:
Why didn't you tell them?
Well…I mean, they're kinda fragile. They'd probably just get very depressed and cry a lot. You don't know them—they're, well, real downers. I didn't want to do that to them.
my psychiatrist:
How old were they when they had you?
What? Uh…maybe…35, 36 years old?
my psychiatrist:
So they'd been taking care of themselves for at least 35 years before they had you. They can still take care of themselves—they're adults. You don't have to protect your parents or your family. But you were eight, so of
you thought that; children often think silly things like "I have to protect my parents from the world" because they're only children. When you indulge that part of you and tell yourself you have to protect your family by holding things in or suffering in silence, you're usually just thinking in a childish way; it's worth it to get past that.
In other words:
How do you deal with an extended family that depresses you and hurts you?
posted by
on July 25, 2009 [
1 favorite
I'm always surprised at the amount of support on Ask Metafilter for cutting ties with your family.
I think divorcing your family is nearly always a bad idea. While it may be tempting, when they die you'll be left with an incredible sense of guilt. It's worth maintaining some sort of relationship -- not for their sake, but for your sake.
The relationship you have with your parents and your siblings can take various forms. It might be best not to lend them money. Or if you lend them money, make it an official loan, in writing, with whatever conditions you see fit. Or don't lend them any money you can't afford to lose.
They might need a sounding board to talk about their woes, but you don't have to listen to them. You can tell them you're not going to listen to them talk about [X] anymore. Decide to only talk about movies, or politics, or the weather, or something neutral that allows you to remain in loose contact with each other.
The point is that you can set the terms of your relationship, decide on the level of visiting, phone calls, and money lending that is comfortable for you.
But don't cut them out of your life. Not for their sake, but for your sake.
posted by
Flying Squirrel
on July 26, 2009
You cannot change their behavior but you can change your own. If you want to keep bailing them out, your call, but you need to reduce those visits to once a year or less. Talk to them on the phone instead.
posted by
on July 26, 2009
Stop giving them advice. They clearly don't want advice from you, and don't want their lives changed by you. Just accept that this is the life that they've chosen for themselves, complaints and all. When they complain, you say, "wow, that sucks." What you see as complaining may be just their default means of communication. Accept it as such and show some compassion. Don't jump straight to how you personally would and/or could fix the problem. By going there, you're entirely missing the point. If they want help, they should get professional, third-party help, not help from you. You are not the beknighted saviour. You are not better than they are, though by your post it appears that you believe you are. They are making their choices; their choices are not your problem.
I think you would probably have a calmer and more bearable relationship with your family if you stopped trying to save them from themselves. From the sounds of it, they would probably like you better for it too.
posted by
on July 26, 2009
People who have not divorced their families probably shouldn't comment on what taking that action feels like
Anon - I think it is selfish of you to take resources from your loving wife and children and instead give them to a bunch of folks who contribute NOTHING to the happiness of YOUR family.
In other words, maybe you should redefine who is considered "family" and act accordingly.
The commenter who identified wanting to protect your parents as "childish thinking" was right-on in my experience:) I feel much more adult and "clean" now that I've defined certain relationships strictly by my values, instead of letting society or distant relatives I'm not even close to dictate how and who I interact with.
Please put your love, money, and energy into your wife and kids. They deserve this, and you have already indicated this fulfills you! Seems the perfect solution!
Hey and guess what? All this time, your negative parents and sibling have either been consciously or sub-consciously rooting for your downfall. Taking your money and never repaying or getting better isn't exactly helping you now, is it? They must need your downfall to their level of existence if they are to maintain their outlook and lifestyle. You see, if you are successful and they are not, then they might have to realize their responsibility for their predicaments! So much easier to suck you down to their level and maintain whatever they've got going individually and collectively - right? Isn't this the real source of the pressure and depression you've been feeling from them lately? I can not imagine how diametrically opposite your outlook and experience is in life vs. theirs. And if spending money on inappropriate things is partly how they managed to get where they are....and there you are spending money visiting and helping them, and it doesn't help them or make anyone happy....isn't that you heading in the same direction??
I submit for your evaluation that you feel miserable because YOU ARE NOT LIKE THEM. On some level, you realize the real value in your life is in your wife and children. Anything else is depleting.
So go ahead and give your parents and sibling the negative experience they've been craving! Cut them off and PROVE them right. Prove to them what they believe -
that there's no upside to their situations and how the world is unfair and against them.
Your life can be Joyful. Taking control and responsibility for your life and happiness doesn't have to be at the expense of others or done with cruelty. Memail for the details if you like;))
posted by
on July 26, 2009 [
2 favorites
I don't want to cut off interaction with them because it seems incredibly selfish of me to do that, but I have to figure out some sort of middle ground.
What is selfish about that? Cutting them off would be selfish if you could help them in some way, but you
. You can't help someone who doesn't help their self. These people want to moan and be upset and be miserable. There's nothing you can do to change that. In fact, you being there might actually make them feel worse, because you're providing them with proof that things can be better, and highlighting the disparity between what they have and what they want. Quit feeling guilty about things you can't do anything about.
These people drag you down. That thought should be first and foremost in your mind whenever you even consider having dealings with them in any way shape or form. They do you harm. Always remember that.
There comes a point in life where you realise that you have to look out for yourself. It's not always an easy thing to remember, or accept for that matter, but it's essential for your continued health. And not just your health, either. Your wife and children are deserving of your best, all the time. If these people are dragging you down, that's having an effect on your wife and offspring. They deserve your love and attention far more than people who don't appreciate it.
It's a sad fact, but families aren't always perfect. Sometimes, they're really fucked up. Sometimes, though, you get something like what you have with your wife and kids. Protect and feed that with your very soul. Don't let someone you don't really like, or your guilty feelings, affect that.
posted by
on July 26, 2009 [
1 favorite
Wow, sounds similar to my life.
I stopped visiting my family years ago, but I still let them visit me. However, there's a no drama clause at my residence. If anyone starts an argument or fuels a conflict within my space, I kick them out. It's simple. I've had to do it numerous times in the past, and things seem to get by OK. They always come back.
I'm not mean. I try to give them advice, but honestly I'm not their parent. They're all adults. The ones under 25, I try to help them out as much as I can. But, after 25, if their course is the same, well there's not much that one person can do at that point.
As a side-note, occasionally I'll have a friend who wants to meet my family or see where I grew up. I usually rent them the movie Gummo first and force them watch it. If they still want to experience more, only then do I take them. So far, no one's taken me up on the offer. Some things are better left to the imagination.
posted by
on July 26, 2009 [
2 favorites
Instead of visiting them have them visit you (even at your own expense), maybe it would show them a different side of life and maybe inspire them to change their behaviour. It also breaks the familiar routine you fall into on each visit and might stop them from complaining.
posted by
on July 26, 2009
You read the book
Toxic Parents
, do the exercises therein, and move on with your life.
Your parents' happiness is not your responsibility, no matter what you've been trained to believe. You sound unhealthily enmeshed with your dysfunctional family, and it's time to figure out why. I speak from bitter experience when I tell you that once you've successfully detached and set boundaries, you'll wonder why the hell you didn't do it sooner.
posted by
on July 26, 2009 [
1 favorite
While it doesn't sound like a dire enough relationship to cut off all contact, it certainly sounds like you visit way more often than is healthy. You don't enjoy it, they aren't getting anything out of it, so you're only doing it because they complain you don't visit enough and that makes you feel guilty. The thing is, it sounds like they just love to complain and make you feel guilty. If it wasn't that, you can be damn sure that they'd find something else! Save your money and your sanity, visit less frequently; say once a year, or every second year. If you really feel that you need to do something for them, put aside some of the cash you would otherwise have spent on traveling, and put it towards something that will do them some good - hire someone to clean their home, steam the carpets, help pay for medical expenses, or meal delivery. They'll probably still complain about it, but really, there's no getting around that - listen, act sympathetic, and know in yourself that you're trying to do them some good.
posted by
on July 26, 2009
You could cut down your visits to once a year and give the money you would spend for travelling out the other three times to your parents to help them out. They sound like they are really struggling. And make it clear that that is what you are doing. Don't give any more money than that. Just say that that is what you can afford and no more.
If your siblings are making really bad decisions about their money and then getting eviction notices, stop giving them money.
posted by
on July 26, 2009
People who have not divorced their families probably shouldn't comment on what taking that action feels like.
This makes some sense; but I want to be clear—in my brief comment, I was certainly
advocating 'divorcing the family.'
I only meant that, in my experience, when you spend time with people
because you feel guilty if you don't
, it usually turns out badly. You're often happier if you relax, ease up, maybe spend a little
time with them for a while, and come back more when you can be more detached. Families require a lot of detachment, and it's often hard to summon that up.
posted by
on July 26, 2009
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Basketball Threads
Charlotte Bobcats Away Jerseys 2009-2010
The new Charlotte Bobcats jersey design confirms my observation: V-neck jerseys are in!
The Philadelphia 76ers' new jersey for the season sports the a similar v-neck design of the Bobcats' new threads. But other than that, the design approaches are different.
While the 76ers took a step back to their roots, the Bobcats went forward and left the campy old design. They did away with the stylized "Bobcats" and "Charlotte" text and just went with a straight forward font face. The team also did away with the horrendous looking italicized numbers.
Two design elements stands out in the design: first is the pinstripes, the second is the sublte orange and white lines on the edge of the neck hole and on the sides. I've never been too high on pinstripes but it helps "fill out" the space since the orange and white lines are too subtle and thin. I personally think that the jerseys suit the play of their current roster (Gerald Wallace, D.J. Augustin, and Tyson Chandler, to mention a few)
Over-all, the design is much better than the previous design-- by going to a more subtle direction, the Bobcats have elevated their previous look. Now if they could only just improve their team play...
Tags: Charlotte Bobcats
Posted in: away jerseys, charlotte bobcats, east
Philadelphia 76ers Home Jerseys 2009-2010
In the NBA, paying homage to tradition is one of the best ways for a team to change its identity and brand. For the Philadelphia 76ers this 2009-2010, they brought almost everything back.
Since 2007, the Sixers have tried to integrate the red, white, and blue of old in their jerseys, particularly in their alternate road uniforms. After shedding the image Allen Iverson brought, the Sixers wanted to go back to their roots in terms of look.
The new home uniforms bear striking resemblance to the ones Julius Erving wore in the 1980's, but with an update: it now features a v-neck and the neck arm holes have a thicker, solid band. There's also a red detail tapering on the side and on the edge of neck hole.
The new design is very simple by NBA jersey standards and I think it's a good thing. The Sixers featured one of the busiest looking jerseys in the past.
Tags: Philadelphia 76ers
Posted in: east, home jerseys, philadelphia 76ers
Orlando Magic Home Jerseys 2008-2009
The Orlando Magic is seen by a lot of NBA pundits as the team of the future as its All-Star center Dwight Howard has yet to celebrate his 25th birthday. Also, the core of Howard, Rashard Lewis and Jameer Nelson are brimming with youth. Thus, a forward-looking jersey seems to be in order for them.
The design of the jersey innovates the usually bland pinstripe implementation with a radiating set of stripes in front, which gives the jersey a dynamic look-- it makes the wearer some sort of body definition with the way the stripes draw your eyes. The neck hole is highlighted by what seems to be a cross between the usual round neck and a v-neck, which is pretty weak if you ask me.
As for the other elements in the jersey's design, the font is appropriate and in line with the modern theme, ans the black tapering stripe looks a bit off, if you ask me.
The Orlando Magic jersey is looks sleek and modern, but has some issues on the details.
Tags: Orlando Magic
Posted in: east, home jerseys, orlando magic
2009 NBA All-Star Game Jerseys
The jersey design for the 2009 NBA All-Star Game in Phoenix diverges from the trend in the previous years when the theme of the jersey design has something to do with the host city. (In the last NBA All-Star Game held in Phoenix, Arizona, there was a big cactus emblazoned on the jersey. Seriously.)
The design for this year's game is very futuristic, from the font used in the team name and numbers, but also in the detailing. Jerseys rarely use gradients incorporated in the design, but this one uses gradients on the sides (a design similar to the Dallas Mavericks.)
I really like the execution of the design for this one-- it's modern, sleek, and, looks good on the basketball court. It erases the bad memories from the jerseys they used in the 2008 NBA All-Star Game.
Tags: NBA All-Star Game
Posted in: nba all-star game, nba jerseys
Sacramento Kings Away Jerseys 2008-2009
The Sacramento Kings aren't exactly NBA royalty right now, with a losing record and a core of players that aren't geared to compete in the long term Their jerseys are a different story.
The current design, does communicate, although not so strongly, the quality of royalty, with snobbish colors of purple and black, plus the tapering bands on the side of the jersey look like a couple of knight's lances. However, the font used on the jersey reminds me of an elitist king, rather than a might conqueror.
The jersey features a black collar with a crown icon on the back, which coincides with the trend of placing the team's logo on the back, above the player's name. The neck holes don't feature a lining, but complements the "lances."
Over-all the Sacramento Kings jersy is well designed, but in the basketball context, is pretty weak, much like the team.
Tags: Sacramento Kings
Posted in: away jerseys, sacramento kings, west
New Orleans Hornets Home Jerseys 2008-2009
This is my first post that talks about a team I've blogged about before. And that team is the New Orleans Hornets . :)
The Hornets have not been hot this early in the season, but their new threads are. If you look at the previous design, it was pretty plain, which was a disconnect to what New Orleans (and its popular Mardi Gras festival) was all about. The new jersey design now takes a different route-- it has multi-colored pin stripes and wider bands. The teal color stands out, and the purple is a bit understated. The gold has taken a backseat in this design though. This uniform reminds me of the old Charlotte Hornets unifroms, with the pin-stripes and narrow fonts.
The design will work because it's New Orleans. But if you take this design to, say Utah, it loses its flavor.
Tags: New Orleans Hornets
Posted in: home jerseys, new orleans hornets, west
Oklahoma City Thunder Away Jersey 2008-2009
The new kid on the NBA block is actually The Artist Formerly Known as the Seattle Supersonics.
The Oklahoma City Thunder may contain familiar faces like Kevin Durant and Desmond Mason, but the team literally now looks different. Gone are the iconic Seattle Sonic Green, and the franchise brought in Light Blue, Orange, Navy Blue, Gold, which not pretty bad colors.
However, once those colors get together with the jersey's rather straightforward design, the result is pretty weak. This jersey reminds me of the old Detroit Pistons jersey in the mid-1990's. The main culprit here is the Light Blue color. It's shade and hue are too weak for professional sports and the pencil-thin linings on the neck and arm holes don't give the jersey much attitude.
If you ask me, the only good thing about this basketball jersey is the font used for the front text and numbers. It probably doesn't help that the team wanted to put "Oklahoma City" in full because it really needs a narrow font.
The Thunder aren't expected to make waves in the NBA this season. That's good because we'll see less of this basketball jersey.
Tags: Oklahoma City Thunder
Posted in: away jerseys, oklahoma city thunder, west
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Machinery and China's nexus of foreign trade and economic growth
AbstractThis paper offers an interpretation of China's nexus of foreign trade and economic growth that centres around technological development. Evidence, mainly related to the performance of the machinery sector, is presented indicating that the phenomenal export expansion is not reducible to a market-centred trade regime, and that the standard thesis of export-led growth would not apply-the contribution of trade to growth realises rather through imports. With an emphasis on the central importance of the production side, we present further evidence to substantiate the argument that the relatively successful aspects of the trade-growth nexus have been largely underpinned by a mix of the market mechanism and various non-market institutions. © 1998 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
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Bibliographic InfoArticle provided by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. in its journal Journal of International Development.
Volume (Year): 10 (1998)
Issue (Month): 6 ()
Pages: 733-749
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Web page: http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/5102/home
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- Pack, Howard & Westphal, Larry E., 1986. "Industrial strategy and technological change : Theory versus reality," Journal of Development Economics, Elsevier, vol. 22(1), pages 87-128, June.
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Cited by:
- Ana Luísa Coutinho & Maria Paula Fontoura, 2012. "What determines the export performance? A comparative analysis of China and India in the European Union," Working Papers Department of Economics 2012/35, ISEG - School of Economics and Management, Department of Economics, University of Lisbon.
- Rodrik, Dani, 2006.
"What's So Special about China's Exports?,"
Working Paper Series
rwp06-001, Harvard University, John F. Kennedy School of Government.
- Dani Rodrik, 2006. "What's So Special about China's Exports?," China & World Economy, Institute of World Economics and Politics, Chinese Academy of Social Sciences, vol. 14(5), pages 1-19.
- Rodrik, Dani, 2006. "What's So Special About China's Exports?," CEPR Discussion Papers 5484, C.E.P.R. Discussion Papers.
- Dani Rodrik, 2006. "What's So Special about China's Exports?," NBER Working Papers 11947, National Bureau of Economic Research, Inc.
- Dani Rodrik, 2006. "What's So Special about China's Exports?," Working Papers id:410, eSocialSciences.
- Dic Lo, 2004. "Assessing the Role of Foreign Direct Investment in China's Economic Development: Macro Indicators and Insights from Sectoral-Regional Analyses," Working Papers 135, Department of Economics, SOAS, University of London, UK.
- Zhu, Shujin & Fu, Xiaolan, 2013. "Drivers of Export Upgrading," World Development, Elsevier, vol. 51(C), pages 221-233.
- Dic Lo, 2003. "China, the 'East Asian Model' and Late Development," Working Papers 131, Department of Economics, SOAS, University of London, UK.
- Dic Lo, 2004. "China'S Nexus Of Foreign Trade And Economic Growth: Making Sense Of The Anomaly," Working Papers 143, Department of Economics, SOAS, University of London, UK.
- Badibanga, Thaddee Mutumba & Diao, Xinshen & Roe, Terry L. & Somwaru, Agapi, 2008. "Dynamics of Structural Transformation: Understanding the Key Factors That Drive Innovative Activities in Selected Asian and African Countries," Bulletins 43890, University of Minnesota, Economic Development Center.
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KALAMAZOO (WKZO) -- November starts with a busy weekend of activities in Kalamazoo, including an Art Hop Friday night featuring 24 different exhibits in and around downtown Kalamazoo.
Renee Newman at Discover Kalamazoo tells WKZO the State Theatre will be busy on Saturday night.
"It's the Big Gigantic Nocturnal Tour of 2012 - a showcase of improv," Newman said. "This is an absolutely brilliant show."
The Kalamazoo Expo Center and Fairgrounds will be busy this weekend, as well.
"On Saturday, it's the 15th annual Christmas Boutique and Arts Show," Newman said. "Also on Saturday is the annual Fall Coin Show."
See a complete list of activities at the Discover Kalamazoo website. Hear the full Newman interview from The Lori Moore Show by clicking here.


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Why do guys not have the balls to talk to a girl?
I know so many guys that don't have the balls to talk to a girl that they think is pretty or a girl they like... I don't understand. Why is that?
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
There's a number of reasons. A lot of these reasons start out in high school and they can stick with us for life. Sometimes this is because there are situations in which such immature rules of conduct still apply. But for now, let's talk about high school.For one, high school guys have a much greater potential for being immature. Not all of them are but it can happen. They, like everyone else in high school, have a lot riding on what they think or fear people might say about them, what people might think about them. This in itself is intimidating. They fear rejection, or they fear the rep that comes with it, or the rep that comes with dating a certain girl. It's all a case of extremely petty politics.Another thing warding guys off is the pretty girls themselves. Face it, in high school, a lot of the prettiest girls out there also hole within them the capacity to be the biggest cunts on the planet. Again, not to say that they all are, but they could be. It's even worse if she's the kind of girl who is always hanging around a large group of pretty girls on mass. This sends the impression that in order to talk to you, they also have to deal with your friends. If any of your friends have reputation for being a cunt, you could easily be painted with the same brush and palate. Not to mention the nightmarish image of asking out a girl he likes and getting shot down in a cruel manner, only to have a peanut gallery of giggling girls giving you shit about it too.Then there's the guys who just plain give up ahead of time. They see a pretty girl and they think about how likely she is to being completely out of their league. Or maybe some guy is thinking that she wouldn't see anything in him, or think he's not handsome enough, or tall or pretty or muscular, or popular enough. Just in general thinking that she's too good for him, or just simply he's not good enough. Sometimes just skipping past all that and jumping right back to what was discussed in the previous paragraph, and assuming that she's so pretty that she's also probably a really shallow cunt, and therefor only after somebody who's a hot guy with a big dick.Again all of these are generalizations. Not all guys think this. Not all girls are like this. not all guys think girls are like this, but these are all possibilities, and a guy might possibly be affected by some of this baggage. This is the kind of shit that could potentially be effecting him, or running though his head be it something he came to on his own or something his asshole friends put in his head. Even more this is assuming that he's not just plain shy.Ultimately if you think there's somebody out there for you, and you have somebody in mind, you need to say something if he isn't. I'm not sure if you noticed yet, but the world is a lot more equal opportunity than it used to be. You don't need to wait for him to come to you, and court you like this was Jane Austen or some shit. You are well within your rights to make moves yourself.
Great answer.
Great answer as always...
What Guys Said 30
Some guys are just shy. You can't expect everyone to be brave and confident.
I don't do it because of a bad experiance that happend to me in High school. There was a girl I really liked for sometime I thought for a while how I would ask her out and I eventualy just said I need to quit thinking and just do it. So I told this girl how I felt and that I wanted to go out with her. She told me she would think about it and for me to wait on the football field at lunch and she would tell me her answer. I went there and waited and after a few minutes a guy showed up and told me that he was her boyfriend and that I needed to learn not to speak to his girl. I didn't know she had a boyfriend and I tried telling him this but a couple of his friends walked up and grabbed me and he started punching me until they threw me to the ground. When I got up one of them had a basketball in there hand and hit me in the face with it as hard as they could standing about a foot away. I tried getting up again and they hit me with the ball in the face again. This time I layed down and the guy kicked my arm and told me never to talk to his girlfriend again. When he was leaving I sat up and looked around and seen the girl was standing behind the bleechers the whole time watching and she was laughing about what they just did to me.I don't amny other people can say something like this happend to them and it bugs when people say things like grow a pair or man up.
She was immature! thankfully you didn't go out with her, obviuiosly she wouldn't have known how to be a decent person to you. her boyfriend and his friends were crazy!
'Immature'? The hell? That's cruelty, plain and simple. She had no call to do that to you.
because they are only outfor themsleves, but there'splenty of decent guys (likeme) who have the balls to talk 2 a gurl
Fear, if not TERROR, of rejection is the only reason. No guy wants to approach a pretty girl, ask her out and have her, for example, laugh in his face.
Shyness and fear of rejection resulting in the feeling of humiliation. It REALLY hurts when you see a girl you're attracted to reject you, then go with some other guy standing right beside you. It KILLS confidence.
because we love our ego so much
because there are far too many cheap sluts like these, and you seem one of thosegirlsaskguys.com/Flirting-Questions/343844-ok-i-admit-i-can-be-evil-but-is-anyone-else-too.htm why don't you grow the balls to approach the guy and be a real woman?
It would have to be a confidence issue. Also, usually, the prettier a girl, the shyer the guy would be. So if a guy is checking a beautiful lady out and feels too shy to approach her, he might go for the girl on far right bar cause she's less pretty/less intimidating.
i tell you why I'm afraid.it makes you feel like a piece of sh*t when you try to introduce yourself to a girl and they look at you like something the cat dragged in.Happened to me a couple of times, now I CAN'T introduce myself to girls I haven't met through friends.i consider myself very confident, but that kinda look, it makes you die a little inside.i see it happen to others, and I hear female friends laugh about doing it.
That sucks dude. But really, man, any chick that does that to you is a stuck up little c*** who isn't worth your time. She's too stupid to see you for what you're worth and is only basing her opinions on what you look like. That or maybe she is one of those sexist girls who thinks that you're only talking to her so you can get in her pants, thinking all guys are like that. Those are two theories tossed your way. But it doesn't matter. Those girls don't matter. If that happens, just move on.
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Incorrect a haircut will do NOTHING to help my confidence.which is the only problem.
I don't advise "the Game". Look up AFC Adam, Gambler or Lovesystems, much better stuff.Also try not to hit on girls in the very beginning of the interaction if you have fears of rejection. Just be friendly and fun and make friends with them, just like you do with guys. Later you can be much more direct.
its not the balls cause geneticly they do but its the past prbly i know as a child I was hurt at a young age and it only got worse rejection after rejection from 1-11th (a horrible one in 9th) with no encourgnment I never saw the reason to improve on my self till I found it within and finally things got better right before I graduated but still to this day approaching a women is difficult cause I still have the memories and doubts there in the mind but girls could help i mean they have the power to take what they want, they could easilly say hey boy come with me and id say who me smile OK (: i think its sexist to think men shud do all the workd you shud look at my question haha
it is mostly because when guys see someone they think is pretty they think they probably have a man already or just because they¨re to shy and don't know how to approach them girls.
because most times unless your obviously into the guy you shoot him down word gets around that, that always happens and people become afraid :)
a beautiful girl hard to approach for men because in the ancient days, she is usually possessed by the leaders of the tribe. it will end up ugly if a regular dude tries to hit on her. now afraid of approaching a girl they like is simply because they are not confident and are afraid of rejections.it's pretty simple.
pua stuff?:D
leader of the tribe? dude where do you get this garbage
Maybe you're just not pretty...the world doesn't revolve around girls. Playing 1950s gender roles only when they benefit you is played out now. If you see someone you like and don't do anything, than your just as big a coward as the guy is.And why is it that most of the female questions on this site from anonymous users trying to impose jobs and responsibilities on guys? seriously, most of these questions wouldn't be made if you just pull your own weight. And no I'm not a woman hater, nor afraid of chatting one up. However, I'm less inclined to do so if they display that "everything should come to me" attitude.
Not a bad response.
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I did ask guys out but it just didn't work for me in the long run...now I won't ask out guys anymore because I feel like I'm being pushy in doing so, like pushing him into a relationship even if he doesn't want one. I know that's immature, but I'm just afraid of being hurt again. Still I try to make it easy for a guy to ask me out, if I feel that he's too shy or insecure to make the first move...I'm scared of rejection too, so I know how that feels. :/
So you'd rather settle whoever happens to come to you instead of getting who you want?
It is mostly because of confidence. But sometimes it is because she is so dumb I would rather NOT talk to her. Remember...beauty only goes so far
The first thought that usually goes through a guy's mind if he sees a pretty girl is "there is no way that a girl that good looking does not already have a boyfriend / husband". So, he will write her off as taken and move on.
Mainly due to societal programming and the efforts to remove all elements of masculinity from our young boys and young men. You can see patterns of female behavior especially in the media. Women are being portrayed as the smart ones who solve problems, in commercials, movies, etc. You can also see it in schools, where little boys are told to raise their hands and ask for permission to speak, and not to fight back when bullied. Gym class has been reduced, even when it is well documented that physical activity if essential for the healthy development of young boys, girls' only programs established, we are taught to "value" women, I could go on for ages. Just read some of the articles I posted. Our feminized culture has lead to the destruction of confidence in men, to the point where they are even scared of women. We have feminism to thank for all that.
Balls come with age and experience. I wouldn't talk to an under 18 year old, unless I wanted to be like a cool older brother. But I would never be afraid to approach even a group of hot women. 21 and over of course.
let's see, most boys are raised by their moms... so they act like females in some regard..
I have the cojones to talk to girls...alot of them make excuses not to date me because they are insecure with low self esteem. Just because I'm good looking...doesn't mean I'm a player. SO girls if your reading this...STOP MAKING EXCUSES.
I know a girl on here who when she's in a relationship, she'll talk about how much she loves a guy and how she wants to be with him, but also worries she'll lose him, because as far as she's concerned, what guy would go for her? Yet! Still... it doesn't stop there. Even if a guy stays with her, she assumes it's just because of the sex. If they don't have sex, she assumes he's just some (and I quote) "clingy fag who's just staying because he's desperate". Talk about moody huh?No way to win!
Jus depends on their age. If that are juniors and seniors in high school or already graduated they just wusses and afraid of rejection... how ever if theyre just a freshman or something they're probably just shy... most of em will grow out of it one day
also just because guys have balls doesn't make them confedent or whatever
cause girls always reject the guy that asks and treats the guy like he's a creeper or stalker and guys (like me) know we are ugly and not wanted etc cause girls never look our way etc.
If that's your picture dude, you're not ugly. Just clean yourself up, get some nice expensive clothes, get a gay guy to cut your hair etc...You have a lot to work with and girls care a lot more about grooming etc... than guys. You ain't ugly bro.
Maybe they are afraid of rejection. They don't want to give their hopes up.. Or maybe they are self-contentiousness about being so naturally attracted to a girl based initially on her attractive looks alone, and subconsciously also know that lots of other guys are influenced and swayed by the same feminine beauty in just the same way.. and perhaps as an attempt to go against the grain or fight against their own (somewhat superficial) human nature they don't make the first move and just hope the girl might approach them first..
Not bad.
As other people below have already demonstrated various reasons and possibilities, I'll just add my own reasons, as all the general ones have been taken. Whenever I see a girl I think is pretty, if I'm too near, I have a feeling of fear running through me, and it stays there as long as she's around. It's really bothersome, because it makes me pay attention to every single movement I do, I start to become more conscious, and I sort of start trying to look at her without looking interested in any way, and I also get an "emotional camoflague" up due to this fear, meaning I make no expression with my face.This is not a good thing to do. Because it just makes me unable to even have a chance to establish contact with a girl like that. But I sort of have the lingering thought that she wouldn't ask me out anyways, and the actual reason for me nowadays is - even if I wanted to talk to her, what the hell would I talk to her about? She would just judge me based on her first impression, and in case I don't perform perfectly, she will say I'm boring and I'll be inadequate, and then I have ruined all my chances with that girl. So there's a huge pressure when you want to talk to someone for the very first time... "What the hell would she think? Could I even be good enough? Should I even do it? Nah, I'll just stay away and admire her beauty."Why, do YOU talk to everyone who you are interested in without any second thoughts? if you say "I can wait for them to talk to me because I'm a girl", then you should realize that there are many guys who think just like you, except for them, it's "I don't think she would accept me if I talked to her, and she would reject me for a lifetime, so I guess I just won't". We are not all that different, you just believe your views on this matter are justified by the social norm.
some girls even if they are interested in you just pretend they aren't in you,probably nervous wen you approach them they tend to ignore you,so you will be in doubt to make a move whether she gonna talk or not and it will be really embrassing if the girl just ignore and walk off when you say hitrust me it happen to me
Some girls are just afraid that a guy will loose interest if they don't play hard to get..
Much for the same reason girls don't have the ovaries to talk to a guy they like.Rejection is a possible reason, but I think the real reason is the social context.Think about it this way.A guy who approaches a girl to talk to her (could) be perceived as just trying to get laid. A girl who approaches a guy (in the name of possibility, COULD be perceived as just trying to get laid), but it is far less likely that everyone thinks that.Why?Because guys have the well-established stereotype of wanting sex. Women have the well-established stereotype of wanting a relationship.Which is worse, or more immediately socially negative? Wanting sex? Or, wanting a relationship? (Think about it).The girl is simply at a better position to walk up to a guy and start talking to him, than a guy is.Many guy feel that if they walk up to a girl, they (the guy) come off and appear "desperate." And not "desperate" for a relationship, but desperate for sex (just by virtue of being a guy!)Girls feel like when they walk up to a guy, they (the girl) come off and appear "desperate." But not "desperate" for sex, but desperate for a relationship (oh! how shameful and embarrassing!)
That's probably the best answer I've ever seen.
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Nicely put.
coz they really don't wanna het rejected ANYMORE!n itz all about equality these days...if you girls have come ahead in all other things...why don't you step up when it comes to making d 1st move? why do you still wanna be approached?why don't YOU dare to speak to guys that you like?...dont you have balls?...ohh well, you don't have balls anyways!^!
Most guys get serious emotional damage at a young age. Their first crush at the tender age of 11 rejected them, then all their classmates laughed at them, then it happened again...As a girl, you probably can't understand what those early formative experiences are like for a guy. Girls are cruel growing up. Girls act soft and friendly and sweet... to certain people, the people they want to like them. But if your guy was just your average joe, he wasn't cool enough to be part of the "in" crowd, he probably got treated like dirt by the very same people who you were bffs with. Unless he was the king of his school growing up, he was probably taught by the school of hard knox that it is too risky to say anything.I wish they'd get over it, its not a healthy way to live, but it is still very common and I understand
Haha I've witnessed that a lot
I think the real question is, "Why don't girls have the courage to ask a boy they think is handsome or a boy they like, I don't understand. Why is that?" I'm directing this towards the question asker and anyone that might be offended by this. So no need for every girl to get upset at this.
Girls like a man to be a gentleman and to let her know he really likes her this makes a girl extatic from day 1
Be that as it may(They like men as gentlemen) It doesn't necessarily mean a man is going to be polite when he asks you. A man who doesn't make the first move on a girl can still be plenty of a gentleman towards her.P.sMen like women to be ladies and they could also use assurance in knowing she likes him.
Men should because we have to dominant which is masculine if girls do it they tend to be able to dominant the relationship more and control more of the direction it will go
What Girls Said 6
It's a little word called "rejection". The possibility of it can resonate so strongly, that you freeze up and have no idea how to talk to the girl, so you just let it go. It would help if the girl made it easier on the guy by showing some friendliness. Some girls don't help matters when they are so shy or uncomfortable they look like an ice princess that is unapproachable.
same reason why girls don't make the first move. fear of rejection, pride, self esteem...the usual.
Well girls are pretty intimidating. I am a straight female, and I am even scared to walk up to most girls. We are constantly judging everyone, "Ew her hair is greasy" or "Gross he's burping his abc's" when your feelings are on the line, would you trust them with a girl?I certainly wouldn't. And even if you're a more laid back girl like me, some guys are just too shy, have been hurt in the past, or just aren't interested.
You probably make them nervous... I have had guys who didn't know how to act around me because they thought I was pretty... If you know a guy likes you or thinks you are pretty, and you kind of like him too, just go for it... Don't wait for him...
Why do guys have to make the first move? Women are perfectly capable of initiating a conversation. Besides, imagine how you would feel in their position. Most people would ASSUME the GUY is interested in the girl when they approach them for whatever reason. Because of that assumption it adds to the pressure of walking up to an attractive person and talking to them. It personally bothers me a bit as well, but sometimes you just got to make the first move. It's better than thinking "what if" later. It's better to think "well it was worth a shot anyway." :)
why don't you approach them instead since clearly you have the balls to do so


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SIR NORMAN WISDOM,one of the isle of mans treasiures
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How different tenant logs are maintained in Hadoop Multi tenant Deployment
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can someone please help me understanding the Hadoop Multi tenant deployment configuration for the application and process logs of the hadoop. and provide answers of the following questions:
In a multi tenant system can we identify which log line was produced by which job, and which user?
Is it possible to provide multi tenant access control for logs? E.g. Admins for App1 cannot access logs generated by App2.
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The bars were dead and we had to fight every bartender to give us the bar crawl drink specials.
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The idea of the bar crawl looked great. However the night of, many of the bars we went to were not offering the specials listed & gave us a hard time getting the drinks, and had no one else in costume. We ended up unfortunately leaving the crawl...continued
Please note: Advertised drink specials are available at specific venues, at specific times, are subject to change, and may not be available at every venue. Actual drinks offered are at the venue's discretion. Participating venues and advertised times are subject to change. PubCrawls.com promotes safety and urges all participants to drink responsibly.
About the Ticket Supplier: Pubcrawls, LLC
PubCrawls.com is your source for everything bars across the country! Our goal is to provide a fun social setting for individuals and groups to come together and celebrate holidays, like St Patrick's Day, Cinco De Mayo, Halloween, and more…The idea of a pubcrawl is simple. Travel through a defined area with multiple stops, all while enjoying great drink specials. See your city, experience multiple bars either with friends or to meet new people.


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Vans Half Cab 20th Anniversary – Cream – Black – White
March 10th, 2012 by Aaron Hope | 1 comment
The Vans Half Cab was recently presented to us au natural courtesy of Mr. Caballero himself in conjunction with Supreme, but scissors and duct tape isn't the only way to blend one of 1992′s best with the cutting edge. This new 20th Anniversary Half Cab comes in white suede with a matching sole, along with black on the tongue, lining and branding. This is one of a by now countless quantity of white and black sneakers sold this spring, but the blocking is so novel for this silo that they manage to stand out while fitting in — something like a metaphor for this simplest-of-all-colorways' prominence at this point in history. Click through for more and hit up Premier to get in on the anniversary celebration.


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The Certified Medical Meeting Manager project took another step forward this fall in the form of a completed pilot program, according to James Montague, president and CEO of the Professional Meeting Planners Network, Durham, N.C., which created the CMMM program. PMPN offers a network of independent meeting planners nationwide who often serve as on-site logistics managers for medical meetings. Of the 18 PMPN planners who completed the pilot program coursework and test, 11 passed. "We were ...
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Item low in stock
Standard Delivery
Click & Collect
Men's black dial and bracelet watch
Item No.0610108874
This men's watch by Pulsar has a black ion plate case and bracelet with stainless steel highlights, featuring a round black dial with date function. It is 50m water resistant and comes with a 2 year guarantee
- Date function
- 50m water resistant
- 2 years guarantee
- Battery: SR920SW
- Packaging: Pulsar presentation box
- Model reference: PXH521X1
- Strap/bracelet: stainless steel strap
- Case material: stainless steel case
- Glass type: mineral glass
- Movement: quartz
- Dial shape: round
Deliveries are between 8am - 6pm, Mon - Sat.
FREE if you pay with your Debenhams card
FREE delivery on all orders over £30 (normally £3.99)
Deliver to store for collection ( 160 participating stores ) FREE
Debenhams is happy to exchange or refund your purchase within 28 days providing the goods are in a fully resaleable condition (including tags) and not within the exclusion policy*. This policy does not affect your statutory rights. You can return unwanted items either by visiting your local store (the fastest way to get a refund), by arranging a courier collection or returning by post. Exclusions apply to selected products. For instructions on how to return products and information on Debenhams refund policy visit the returns and refunds section of the website.


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Typical me….
Typical me….
I can really relate to this
i love this dude!
"The nature of the enemy is that it invades our psyche and has the capasity to tear us apart and Spock find himself in a solitary position" - Zachary Quinto for AUGUSTMAN Malaysia (x)
(Source: mymindrebels)
#just hanging w/ my surrogate cannibal dad text it #he gave me shroom tea and tips on skinning people what a gr8 dad
Myth #1 – Introverts don't like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don't talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won't shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
(Source: carlkingdom.com)
Mag-ipon ay di biro #brandnewTM
Friendly reminder from Ramon Bautista for Macho Manila. Pins available at Team Manila Stores!
A couple people asked me how I vary my leaves and trees and honestly, it's super easy! I've never made a tutorial/guide before so I kept this mega simple but I hope someone out there might find it useful at least!
Also, anyone can download the brushes I use for all my art on my tumblr page (: I only use around 5 so go nuts haha
Wow! Reblogging this for reference. I gotta start drawing more backgrounds.
How Animals Eat Their Food
(Source: unabating)


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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
I completely agree. Too many people view guilds as a "service" to be used. I am in a small, friendly casual guild and welcome people of all levels but I too encourage self-sufficiency. I give some some basic information, places to find information on the internet, point out other people in the guild who may be able to give advice on class or professions and tell them the best way to learn and level is to do quests and play with people their own level. I even say that for first toons, it's not a good idea to be run through by higher levels because that often leads to laziness, not knowing how to play and besides, WHAT IS THE POINT of playing a game for someone to practically play it FOR you? I also encourage people to take up professions as it also helps with self-sufficiency (whether to make gold or to be able to create your own gear. Also, having a useful skill will help you help other people, who could, in turn, help with other things that you can't get using your own professions).
I also am wary of people looking for "Helpful" guilds. That just raises all kinds of red flags. Those are the very people often looking for a guild to DO things for them, rather then looking for a group of people to join for fun and common goals. In fact, I've whispered a few people asking them just what "helpful" means to them and yep - they want to be run through instances by high level people.
Also please remember that when you wear a guild tag, like it or not, you do represent them. So spamming trade with 20 kubes of "FAILFAILFAIL", ninja-looting in a PuG, begging in Stormwind for gold for your mount "because I really really want it" or YELLING demanding a port can make your guild look bad. Please don't do that. And it's possible that your server is not as big as you think. Someone may see you doing those things and contact an officer or the GL of your guild.


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This week of December 17, 2012, I have been a visiting artist at the Beijing Central Academy of Fine Arts. My friend, artist Chen Qi, whom I have exhibited with in several survey exhibitions in China and Europe, invited me to visit his studio. Chen Qi's work in printmaking is the most fascinating I have seen in China, and I would say, anywhere. Using large, custom made sheets of hand-made paper, Chen prints by rubbing ukiyo-e style using water based inks without printing press. Each print presented here was produced applying over 100 individual woodblocks. He pulled out many of his prints and blocks. It was just wonderful to see this great work in person.
Print peps, I posted this story a while ago. We will be visiting Chen Qi's Beijing studio in May!


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To do the cool things, you have to be logged in first.
I think it really helps that we value the character of the guys so much. In this sort of adversity guys aren't giving up... and keep their noses to the grindstone.
You're absolutely right. I wish I had the right words to truly convey what these guys do for their fans. I feel like I'm making it less special by even trying!
The views expressed on the Trail Blazers Blogger Network represent those of the individual authors and do not represent the views of the Trail Blazers organization, the NBA, or any other NBA team.
© 2004-2011 by the Portland Trail Blazers. All Rights Reserved.
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Four suspected ''terrorists'' arrested in Saudi Arabia
Four suspected "terrorists" were detained by Saudi security forces on Wednesday in connection with the shoot-out that took place between a group of "terrorists" and policemen in Mecca about two weeks ago.
The Ukaz daily newspaper on Thursday said three suspects were arrested on the Mecca-Jeddah freeway at a roadblock set up to capture the wanted persons in this case. The fourth suspect was arrested in the Sharae area, located on the outskirts of Mecca.
Maps and building schemes of main governmental sites were found in the possession of the suspects at the time of their arrest, the paper said, and investigations were ongoing to reveal further details.
In addition, Saudi security forces detained two people in the southern city of Abha on Wednesday in their connection to "terrorist" activities. Also, a large cache of ammunition and weapons were found at the site of a village north of Mecca. (Albawaba.com)
Top Headlines
- Saudi Interior Minister: Mecca militants are Al Qaeda members
- Two Islamists blow selves up in Mecca; Gunman killed, eight Saudi policemen injured in Riyadh shootout
- At least 10 people killed in clashes between Saudi police and ''terrorists''
- Saudi Arabia detains 42 suspected "terrorists"
- Saudi police kill two ''terrorists'' in Mecca shootout


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Word: Kinderfriedhof
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Kinderfriedhof = Children cemetery
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The Flight of King Gradlon by E.V. Luminais
Gradlon the Great was a semi-legendary 5th century "king" of Cornouaille who became the hero of many Breton folk stories. The most famous of these legends is the story of the sunken city of Ys.
According to some legends, he was in love with a magician called Malgven. Gradlon had many ships he used to wage war against the faraway countries of the North. An outstanding strategist, he won most of the battles and pillaged the vanquished, amassing great wealth.
One day, his sailors tired of fighting and refused to continue to lay siege to a castle. The sailors returned home and he remained alone in the North. When he was alone he saw a red-haired woman: Malgven, Queen of the North, standing in front of him. She told him, "I know you. You are courageous and skillful in fighting. My husband is old; his sword has rusted. You and I are going to kill him, then go to your country of Cornouaille." They killed the king of the North and went on Morvarc'h ("sea horse" in Breton), Malgven's magical horse. It was black, spit fire from its nostrils and was able to gallop on the sea. They caught up with Gradlon's vessels, but the approach of Morvarc'h caused the fleet to flee.
Gradlon and Malgven remained long at sea, so Malgven gave birth to a daughter, Dahut. According to some versions of the story, giving birth killed the queen. According to other versions, she didn't die but, some time after the birth of Dahut, she asked Gradlon what he thought about Dahut. He responded "I already cherish her as I cherish you." Malgven announced that Dahut's face would keep the appearance of hers, so she would not be forgotten by him, because it was time for her to return to her world. She added that they would see an island shortly after, and Gradlon should let her go there; otherwise they could never see the earth again. Soon after, they saw an island and there Malgven was left alone.
Shortly after, Gradlon arrived in Cornouaille with Dahut, but without Malgven.
Later, Dahut had a key role in the story of Ys, a city built below sea level and protected by a gate that kept the sea out. Dahut turned the city into a place of sin and debauchery. One night she stole the key to the gate from her sleeping father and drunkenly opened the gate. Gradlon awoke and rescued his daughter from the drowning city on his magical horse, but her sins kept dragging them into the sea before he could reach land. In the end Saint Winwaloe told him to drop his daughter. She was swallowed by the sea, becoming a form of siren or morgen, luring men to destruction.
Gradlon re-established his rule in Quimper, before eventually retiring as a hermit.


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The Rangers snapped their four-game overtime losing streak dating back to last season's Eastern Conference Finals against the New Jersey Devils. They are now 1-3 this season in games decided in overtime.
Rangers Improve While Trailing 0-3
With their 4-3 overtime win in Game 4, the Blueshirts staved off elimination, and are now 5-6 in Game Fours when trailing 3-0. The last time the Rangers lost a game when trailing 0-3 was in 2006 against the Devils.
Blueshirts Snap Power Play Drought
The Rangers scored their first power play goal Thursday since Game 4 against the Washington Capitals, a span of 24 opportunities. The Blueshirts are 3-0 this postseason when scoring a power play goal, all of which have come at home.
Black and Blueshirts
The Rangers out-hit the Bruins, 40-24, in Game 4, led by Ryan Callahan's game-high seven hits. Callahan's 60 hits lead the NHL in the postseason, while the Rangers are also No. 1 with 441, two more than Boston.


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If pumpkin pie and Mexican are among your top 10 foods, this recipe is a must. DO NOT add 1 T. of ancho powder like recipe says. I added 1/2 tsp for a wonderful touch of heat! Serve w whipped cream.
Ancho Chile Pumpkin Pie
kifjo2 Posted: 11/20/09
azcook Posted: 12/21/13
This is the best pumpkin pie, ever. I got the recipe from a foodie that stated that every Thanksgiving she's required to make it. I made and now it's got a permanent slot on my Thanksgiving repertoire. A co-worker made and has now made 4 of them. Yum! Really great depth of flavor and just different enough. 1 Tbs was fine for us. Thought it deserved another review!
ldoninphx Posted: 11/14/13
As the other reviewer said, if you like pumpkin pie and Mexican cuisine, this pie is a must. But I did use a full tablespoon and for my taste it was delicious. It is a very earthy taste. The whipped cream softens the flavor. Yummy.
Daily Specials


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August 18, 2005
Thomasville-- A rare look inside a fire department's training exercise shows why such drills are necessary to rookies and veterans alike.
It started in less than a minute on Thursday morning. The controlled burn is the last training exercise for some of Thomasville's fire rookies. "This is actually my first burn with the department," says Trainee, Matt Genter.
Genter may be a rookie, but he took the job because he's no stranger to fire fighting. "I'm the third firefighter in my family. My two older brothers are firefighters. I'm continuing a family tradition," says Genter.
Rolling smoke and searing flames are commonplace in Genter's new job. That's why his equipment is crucial. "We were in there thirty, 45 seconds at the most. The heat became too intense. The visibility became zero," says Training Officer, Captain Tim Connell.
Connell has been schooling the rookies for months now, a job that could save their lives one day. "We've done firefighter down drills all week long. We've done disentanglement drills in the house," he says.
Thomasville doesn't have a lot of fires because its fire codes are so stringent. That's why experience like this is so important to trainees. "They don't get the intense heat. They don't get the visibility in rookie school that we can put them through out here," says Connell.
There was a surprise in the rookie's lesson. The house actually had furniture in it, also a first for the veterans. "The flammable load, the fuel load as we call it, in a house is much higher," says Connell.
That sense of realism gives Genter experience, and satisfaction in his career decision. "I've always looked for a career that's exciting, that has some meaning, and some pride to it," says Genter.
As in this case, homeowners often pay the TFD up to $600 to burn their house. It's cheaper than demolition, and the fire department uses the cash to save taxpayer's money on equipment and training.
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Every business relies on customer relationships to build and grow value over time. As you evaluate the right customer relationship management (CRM) solution for your business, it's important to evaluate the total solution—including the user experience, product functionality, and support costs. It's also important to select a product that will grow with your business as it expands over time.
If you're considering Salesforce.com, you should seriously evaluate both its functionality and its pricing options. Compare Microsoft Dynamics CRM to Salesforce.com and you'll see that Microsoft provides a world-class CRM solution that works with your other Microsoft products, at a reasonable cost.
Note: The functionality items discussed above are delivered and supported features with the offering, not vendor or third-party provided unsupported add-ons.
1 Salesforce.com Professional Edition ($65/user/month) + Salesforce.com's offline client ($25/user/month)


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This is for Star Wars fans to hang out at. Also if you know a lot about Star Wars. (Also if you have any Star Wars games(prefer. Star Wars Battlefront 1+2 and Star Wars Repuplic Commandoes and Star Wars Empire at War Gold Pack (Includes Empire at War and Forces of Corruption.))
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Glad to finally be at the point where I somewhat took photos of process and am ready to make my first instructable! :)
As you can guess from the picture - the instructable will be for making your very own battery powered paper lamp, which, in my configuration is battery powered with LED as light source.
There are no real requirements for tools or skills as long as you have some patience and can gather the needed electrical components.
Note: To cut the introductional bullshit about tools and material jump to step 2, for wiring to step 3.
Step 1: What's needed and recommended
Sheet of paper with a print of your choice (you can draw on a blank one too if want to!)
A single 9V battery
A socket for that battery
LED strip (I used 10cm of 4,8W strip)
Several single LEDs (not sure about power, 6mm diameter, actually optional)
Block of wood to stick them all on
Glue (for paper)
Switch (used the tiniest tumbler I could get, but it doesn't really matter)
Some thin wires
Things recommended:
Scissors/X-Acto knife for trimming paper if needed
Insulation tape
A solder
Hot glue gun
Toys to strip wires with
Dremel tool/Router/Whatever gets the wood job done
Shrink tubing & a heat source
A cup of tea


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Owens Sausage Stew
Owens Sausage Stew is an easy-to-make, satisfying dish for the family.
Yield: about 3 quarts
More From Oxmoor House
- 2 pounds hot bulk pork sausage
- 1 (17-ounce) can green peas, undrained
- 1 (16-ounce) can cut green beans, undrained
- 1 (14 1/2-ounce) can whole tomatoes, undrained
- 1 (12-ounce) can whole kernel corn, undrained
- 3 (8-ounce) cans tomato sauce
- 4 large baking potatoes, peeled and diced
- 2 carrots, scraped and cut into 1/2-inch slices
- Shape sausage into large patties. Cook patties in skillet over medium heat until done, turning once. Drain; break patties into large chunks. Set aside.
- Combine remaining ingredients in a large saucepan with water to cover; stir well. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, 15 minutes. Reduce heat to low; stir in sausage, and simmer an additional 45 minutes or until potatoes are tender.
My Notes
Only you will be able to view, print, and edit this note.Add Note
Owens Sausage Stew Recipe at a Glance
- COURSE: Soups/Stews
- CONVENIENCE: Entertaining, Family
- CUISINE: American
- MAIN INGREDIENT: Pork, Sausage
- DIETARY CONSIDERATION: Gluten-Free
- OCCASION: Autumn
- PUBLICATION: Oxmoor House
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Sharon Field Ed.D.
Fax: 313.577.1693
Mondays 1:00 - 2:30 p.m.
Wednesdays 1:00-2:30 p.m.
Professor in Educational Leadership and Policy Studies, Administrative and Organizational Studies
Co-Director, Center for Self-Determination and Transition
University of Washington, 1974, B.A. (Major: Sociology, Minor: Social Studies Education)
University of Wisconsin, 1975, M.S. Special Education
University of Washington, 1988, Ed.D. Educational Policy, Governance and Administration
Use of coaching strategies to promote individual and organizational effectiveness
Accommodating individual differences in organizational settings
Application of positive psychology theory and research findings
Supervision and Staff Development
Self-Determination and Transition
Effectiveness of interventions to promote self-determination and transition


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DAVID S. WILLIG, ESQ. – The word "notary" is usually associated in the public mind with a quasi-official who pulls out his or her stamp when someone needs a witness for an oath or some other legal transaction. Only three hours of classroom time are required to be a notary public in Florida, but the Civil-Law Notary is very different. These notaries, where they are part of the legal landscape, are high-level legal professionals who handle important transactions. In creating this designation, the Florida Legislature realized one of its greatest unsung achievements. The Scope of the Profession The Civil-Law Notary is intended to function similarly to that of notaries in "civil law" jurisdictions such as Quebec and Argentina, not incidentally two of Florida's most important international economic partners. Asian countries such as Japan and China also have adopted … [Read more...]
David S. Willig: The Civil-Law Notary: A Bridge Between Worlds
Anthony De Yurre: Strategies to Serve Process on International Defendants
BY ANTHONY DE YURRE, ESQ – International demographics lead to international defendants. Unfortunately, service of process on international defendants creates extensive motion practice, including evidentiary hearings. In order to avoid delay and expense, service of process regarding international defendants must be an integral part of early litigation strategy. Both Federal and Florida law provide the same method of service for defendants abroad. Fed. R. Civ. P. 4(f) provides for service outside the United States, "by any internationally agreed means of service that is reasonably calculated to give notice, such as those authorized by the Hague Convention on the Service Abroad of Judicial and Extrajudicial Documents." Additionally, Fla. Stat. §48.193(3) provides that, "[S]ervice of process upon any person subject to the jurisdiction of the courts of this state as provided in … [Read more...]
Jonathan Goldstein: Facebook Post to Associations – Limit Confidentiality in Your Settlements
BY JONATHAN S. GOLDSTEIN, ESQ – Community associations (condominiums and homeowners' associations) should always attempt to obtain limitations on confidentiality agreements in settlements that permit the association to share the agreement with its members. These limitations should also insulate the association from responsibility if one of its members disseminates the agreement without the association's approval. This issue affects many individuals and entities because of the prevalence of community association ownership and litigation. A recently issued decision by the Florida 3rd District Court of Appeal, in the case of Gulliver Schools Inc. and School Mgmt. Systems Inc. v. Snay, 39 Fla. L. Weekly D457 (Fla. 3d DCA Feb. 26, 2014), illustrates the potential significance of confidentiality provisions in such settlements. The Gulliver Schools Inc. decision dealt with a … [Read more...]
David S. Willig: Bilingual Mediation Too Often an Afterthought
BY DAVID S. WILLIG, ESQ. – Alternative Dispute Resolution continues to be a growth industry, throughout the United States and around the world. Among ADR techniques and mechanisms, mediation leaves the result in the hands of the parties, rather than one imposed from "on high." In mediation, the mediator's only power is that of persuasion, along with creativity in proposing ideas that lead to a negotiated solution. This is challenging enough in normal circumstances. In many instances, mediation can be more challenging still when the parties have language differences. Language in mediation is critical, because of the mediator's role in guiding the parties toward settlement through suggestion and persuasion. In the increasingly diverse communities established or emerging in many parts of Florida, and the U.S., we see language issues more often come to the fore. Disagreeing in two … [Read more...]
Michael L. Feinstein: Florida Makes Big Changes to its Limited Liability Company Act
BY MICHAEL L. FEINSTEIN, ESQ. – On June 14, 2013, Florida adopted the Revised Limited Liability Act ("Florida's LLC Act"), based on the Revised Uniform Limited Liability Company Act. Florida's LLC Act went into effect on January 1, 2014 and is codified in Chapter 605 of the Florida Statutes. Florida's LLC Act governs new LLCs formed after Jan.1, 2014. LLCs formed before Jan.1, 2014, may elect to be governed under the old LLC statute until Jan.1, 2015, however, after Jan.1, 2015, Florida's LLC Act will apply to all Florida LLCs. Florida's LLC Act contains significant changes from the prior statute. Below are some highlights of the material changes: 1. Expansion of Nonwaivable Provisions §605.0105 Florida's LLC Act expands the list of statutory rights and provisions that cannot be waived or altered in governing documents or other agreements between an … [Read more...]


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Featured Programming Titles
All Programming Titles
Steve Webster, Matt Rice, James Dean Palmer, Kev Sutherland, Todd Marks, Jacob Hanson, Harvard EideThis book takes you from being an intermediate to an advanced PHP/Flash developer, and helps you create some awesome Flash-based web applications along the way.
Agile Development with ICONIX Process
An Introduction to Object-Oriented Programming with Visual Basic .NET
Android Application Development for the Intel Platform
Android Application Development for the Intel® Platform is the perfect introduction for software engineers and mobile app developers. Through well-designed app samples, code samples and case studies, the book teaches Android application development based on the Intel platform--including for smartphones, tablets and embedded devices—covering performance tuning, debugging, and optimization.
Android Apps for Absolute Beginners
Android Apps for Absolute Beginners 2nd Edition
Android Apps for Absolute Beginners 3rd Edition
Anybody can start building multimedia apps for the Android platform, and this book will show you how! Now updated to include both Android 4.4 and the new Android L, Android Apps for Absolute Beginners, Third Edition takes you through the process of getting your first Android apps up and running using plain English and practical examples.
This book is a one-stop reference guide to mindful programming and the unique challenges and opportunities that arise from x86 architectures. Android on x86: An Introduction to Optimizing for Intel® Architecture compiles the best practices and procedures associated with application development for devices using Intel's popular line of microprocessors.


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20 October 2011
This is a fairly old set of photos I had that I'd never even looked at until about two weeks ago. I was visiting Baba in Weirton. These were taken on a Saturday morning as I was on my way out of town heading toward Twinsburg, OH to hang out with Katie Oden on her birthday. To think my grandfather was the foreman of the blast furnaces here some 28 years prior. The mill is simply a ghost of its former self now.