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Why is it so hard for one to open up about an abusive past?
How to you summon the courage to share? What are the reasons that one may keep such terrible things locked inside? How does one overcome this fear of sharing?
May 17 2013: Shame and guilt. Feeling like you are not worth anything to whomever is abusing you which leads you to feel almost as if you deserved it. I can't speak for everyone who has been abused, but I know these are my reasons. Now I feel better though, and I do share my story, and I feel that it is nothing I should be ashamed of. If I can confidently speak about my history, others will feel like they can too, or maybe they will open up to me.
Brian BASHAMMay 29 2013: Mmmm, Kate how does one answer your questions without divulging too much. I think for me, it is the fact that some people are still alive, and although I am a grown-up I still fear repercussions and perhaps fearful of what they might do next.
Also, I think - or at least some of us - wonder what we may have done to cause it to happen to us. While we are a victim, we cannot help but blame ourselves. Other times we struggle to keep it together and not be the same as they were.
May 29 2013: Dear Brian and Juan,
We can divulge as much or as little as we feel comfortable with Brian. It is not unusual, that as adults we sometimes continue to carry the feelings that were instilled in us.
Brian, I suspect that you were not in any way the cause of abuse, and it is quite common for an abuser to try to make the victim feel responsible. That is a common part of the cycle of abuse, and one of the main elements in keeping people quiet about it. The abuser encourages and reinforces shame in the victim, which causes victims to be hesitant or fearful about revealing the information. Remind yourself that you WERE NOT TO BLAME. Remember that it is a common practice for abusers, in an attempt to keep the victim quiet.
I do not agree with your statement..."Sometimes the best the world can do for you is declare you insane and leave it at that!"
Unfortunately, when we live with abuse and violence, there are sometimes feelings of insanity, so for the world to "declare you insane", simply reinforces the stigma. I'm wondering if you were making a joke?
I don't understand how that video makes you happy, nor do I perceive a connection with the topic.
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May 31 2013: Sorry you perceive that I "lumped" you together Juan. While my salutation is to both of you, I addressed each of you seperately. I had no intention to "zing one" at you with "a bank shot!"
I simply do not agree with your statement...."Sometimes the best the world can do for you is declare you insane and leave it at that!".....and I told you why I disagree...there is no judgement on my part.
I also clearly said..."I don't understand how that video makes you happy, nor do I perceive a connection with the topic.".....my own perception....no judgement.
I have owned a couple of guitars, and I've seen the video (as you say....it went viral!).
OK.....I get your connection...."he faced...abuse...and used his skill to push back and overcome"....got it....thanks for clarifying your connection:>)
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May 31 2013: Juan,
Again, I do not agree with that statement because...as I wrote..."Unfortunately, when we live with abuse and violence, there are sometimes feelings of insanity, so for the world to "declare you insane", simply reinforces the stigma".
I am very sorry about bad things happening to you and your family, and I agree that sometimes we live with consequences. Again....sorry about challenges and consequences you and your family seem to be experiencing.
May 16 2013: Kate, I just stumbled across this talk by Jackson Katz, who had some interesting things to say, and it reminded me of this conversation:
May 23 2013: Thanks for turning me on to this talk.
In the context of the original post above, Jackson doesn't directly address the issue of why it may be hard to share abusive experiences; but, it does frame the issue well with concepts that should be considered before we ever confront Kate Roseler's question. Although I have not yet read all of the comments on this thread (just those posted before this one) I did notice that some of the comments assumed abuse against women rather than abusive situations in general. I found that curious, and typical, and ironic.
[edit] It's kinda disappointing that this powerful talk from 2012 is not directly accessible through a search here on the primary TED site.
May 24 2013: Johnathon,
Abuse of women may be one of the more common abuses, and that may be why people address it? You mention bullying in your other comment, which is a form of abuse. When I speak about abuse, I am speaking about all forms of abuse and violation of the rights of people for various reasons.
May 24 2013: Lizanne, that is a GREAT talk....thanks for the link!
I volunteered at a shelter and family center years ago, and began to realize that we can support and educate victims about abuse, and what about the abusers? Katz addresses this question very effectively in his very insightful talk!
My experience with victims, motivated me to volunteer with the dept. of corrections, interacting mostly with offenders of domestic violence, co-facilitating "cognitive self change" sessions in addition to other programs for 6 years. A very large percentage of the men incarcerated have been sexually assaulted and abused as children....usually by members of their own families.
So, as Katz says, this is NOT simply a woman's issue, it is an issue for our whole society. I totally agree that men need to be part of the solution, and it takes good leaders, both men and women to speak up about the abuse and violation of human rights of ALL people.
Thanks again for the link to that very good talk!
May 25 2013: Jonathan and Colleen, I'm so glad you both found this talk inspiring. I actually came across it via a friend of mine, who posted it on Facebook! I didn't realize it wasn't searchable here on TED! That is odd...
What really grabbed me, was when Katz was talking about the abused women, and everything SHE could've done, should've done, etc. All focus is on the abused person, when the attention needs to be turned towards the abuser! So logical, especially considering what you have seen through experience, Colleen.
I think I mentioned it somewhere here, but I will take the risk of repeating myself because I find it so extremely important. I read the book "Reinventing Your Life", a self-help reference based on schema therapy. I learned so much about the patterns we create as a survival mechanism, but that those patterns that we develop to help us survive, can sometimes be destructive. Someone who was abused as a child, like the examples you gave Colleen, can develop a pattern that will cause him/her to abuse later in life, unless he/she is aware of that pattern... Its truly fascinating, and sheds so much light on this subject!
May 28 2013: I liked it a LOT Lizanne, because Katz talks about a very logical, reasonable, aspect of abuse and violence. We often focus on the victim with self help advice, educational programs, support groups, etc., and we fail to recognize what might help to change the lives of abusers!
Both the victims of abuse AND the abusers are low in self confidence and self esteem, which may be one reason an abuser will often try to convince us that s/he is the one who is abused.
I agree Lizanne, that many patterns created in a person's life are defensive mechanisms which are often destructive. If a person is not aware of the patterns, s/he will continue to repeat the patterns over and over again. It takes a willingness to explore and evaluate all aspects of the violence and abuse cycle.
May 29 2013: Yes! And that awareness needs to be exercised every dingle day. What helped me with awareness, was a Mindfulness training. Becoming even more mindful of myself, taking that deep dive 'into the lake of me' helped me see how my own defensive mechanisms were in fact destructive, that I was in fact my own abuser, to a certain extent.
I don't think anyone really wants to confront themselves when they may know they need to, but the rewards of doing so are truly phenomenal.
May 29 2013: I agree Lizanne......being mindful of our thoughts, feelings and where they come from helps a lot.
We sometimes tend to run the same dialogue over and over again with our thoughts. We need to mindfully change our thoughts. Perhaps that is what you mean when you say..."I was in fact my own abuser, to a certain extent"? We sometimes take on the "script" the abuser gives us, and reinforce in ourselves the information the abuser is providing.
If we feel shame because the abuser has reinforced the idea the we are the cause of the abuse for example, which is common, we can immediately change the thoughts to I AM NOT THE CAUSE....I AM NOT TO BLAME.
I totally agree that to "dive into the lake of me", is difficult at times, and I have always found the rewards of doing so to be beneficial.
One of my favorite quotes, which has been posted all around the house at times...
"To stave off drowning, dive down, embrace it. The sea will spit you back, astonished!"
(David Brendan Hopes)
Don Anderson 50+May 2 2013: Sometimes it is not the fear of opening-up and sharing, but instead the fear of being viewed differently.
Personally I have a disability and once someone finds out about it, often I'm no longer me, I'm the guy with the disability. "Hi Don, how's it going" becomes "Hi Don, How are you feeling", so please if someone shares their past or health issue, don't change how you think about them or interact with them.
May 3 2013: Don, I can imagine how frustrating this is for you. I can relate.
People have this need to put everyone in a certain category, don't they. Suddenly, your disability becomes your identity.
My own mistake was that I had become quite good in playing the role of the 'crippled victim', which is what I thought people expected of me (that's my own 'life trap', I over-adjust!) But I agree, prioritizing someone's limitation is not taking them seriously as an individual.
May 16 2013: Excellent point Don!
One of the first comments on TED for me, was after watching the Jill Bolte Taylor talk about her stroke, and I mentioned that I had a near fatal head/brain injury years ago. The reason a friend sent me the link to that video is because I had some similar experiences as Jill's.
Immediately, a couple people started using that against me in their arguments because they said I was obviously brain damaged, crazy etc. etc. TED is the only place I ever ran into that though.
Luckily, I had been guest lecturing at the university and speaking with various other groups for years, I am pretty clear and confident about myself at this point (the injury was 23 years ago), so the words of someone who is angry and lacks compassion don't bother me. If a person was less secure, however, I imagine it could be challenging.
May 23 2013: Haley Goranson touched on what I think is the core of why it is hard for people to open up about abuse, though I would add that the individual shame is matched by social judgement, as Don Anderson pointed out. All of us humans tend to be full of prejudices and rationalized judgements.
Opening up to others requires vulnerability that can be taken advantage of. We come to realize this early on through the petty cruelties we inflict on each other in childhood, when teasing and bullying are common coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, as adults, many of us adopt a stance of exploiting the perceived weaknesses of those around us, whether friend, foe or indifferent. Such people can make the vulnerability required to share pain into a source of additional abuse. Avoiding such abuse is natural.
Summoning the courage to share a hurtful experience can be a process of small steps, beginning with acknowledging the abuse personally, to one's self. The next, and possibly last, step might be to reveal the abuse and the emotions it stirs up to the most trusted, loving and compassionate person the abused knows. Although it may feel safer to make such a revelation to an unknown who has no personal investment, such an exchange tends to rob the abused of the potential for further acceptance, grace and empowerment by someone who is personally invested in the abused's well being. That's not to say it can't be helpful; but, rather that it might be less effective. [All of this blather is my personal opinion based on my own baggage, not any professional or intellectual grounds, of course.]
It seems to me that if one can take a moment to say that the can heal then one can repeat that moment until it becomes a part of them. Just as we can become inured to pain and abuse, we can condition ourselves to feel worthy of more and better in our lives. Once we afford ourselves such compassion we can then extend it freely to others that they might benefit from it.
May 24 2013: I agree Johnathon, that opening up to others, requires vulnerability, so trust is a factor when discussing abuse. Most of the time, trust is compromised with abuse, so I believe that sometimes, before people are ready to speak about it, there has to be a certain amount of healing and restored trust in people. As you say, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, can sometimes open ourselves to more abuse. That is why I think that trust has to be rebuilt to some extent before some folks are ready to talk about it.
I also agree that taking small steps is important....test ourselves.....test those we might talk with....see how it feels. It is possible to begin revealing snippets of information, and if it does not feel good, we can stop the process, or change directions. (Your "blather", as you call it, is very insightful my friend).
I agree that when we start with small steps with people that we trust, we can build on that until it becomes a "new" part of us.
You've made a lot of good points, and one of the most important, in my perception, is compassion for ourselves. When people are abused, their/our emotions are often controled by the abuser....an external force. When we are healing, we often look for compassion externally as well, and just as we may have become dependant on the abuser for our emotions, we then may become dependant on someone else for compassion.....to help us heal.
We may find people we can trust, who have compassion, and one of the healthiest things we can do, in my perception, is be compassionate with ourselves. It is important to strengthen ourselves so if we talk about our story, and some people are NOT compassionate, it doesn't matter. Make any sense?
troy sharmaJun 1 2013: Most of the time its easy to hide the emotion and look happy rather then talking about them. Even if you open up you may not be sure if anybody will understand you. According to me, our language is not that developed to explain human emotion properly. You might be feeling sad and you can not quantify it.
May 31 2013: I was in an abusive marriage.... For me I started really letting people know when I saw that there weren't many men talking about being victims in abusive relationships... and with that said I think one of the biggest reasons people don't talk about it or share their experience is because for what ever reason we think no one wants to hear it... Its some how not important enough to share.
As a male when i told people i was divorced it seemed like there was alot of judgement, so when some asked what happened i would just say it was an unhealthy relationship... then a few i guess would pick up on my meaning and say something akin to its good you got out... and this frustrated me especially since in comparison women seemed to be more able to talk about it.
then going online I found only a few people trying to raise awareness of "Male Battering" followed by a slew of insults and ridicule...
so, i say if it happened it happened... and sharing what happened to you may help others deal with what happened to them, it can also help others realize and escape whats happening to them.
May 31 2013: Sebastian,
I think sometimes people have difficulty hearing the stories of abuse because they don't know what to do about it, and that may feel frustrating, so it may appear that they don't care. Some people DO care and will listen.
Although I volunteered in a shelter for women and children, we often had abused men call in for advice. There is also sometimes abuse with same sex partners.
I agree that sharing our stories may help others to deal with their experiences, and may facilitate people making healthier choices regarding relationships.
Jun 1 2013: Sorry to hear about your experience; I've had the same for 50 yrs! I recommend "Lovefraud" blog site as well as Dr. Rob. Hare's books. He's the leading expert on psychosis. But they all say that it's good to educate others even if they chose to call us "crazy"! 10-20 symptoms everyone should know.
Yen Yang
May 31 2013: My wife was once a young girl like you. She was when I met her. And I suspect that you and she share many similar experiences. Even the bad experiences in some way. My wife is Filipino. My family is Filipino. And my child is half-Filipino. But it is the Filipiino half that makes our child so special to us. You live in a beautiful country. You are surrounded by a very special nation. Please be Filipino. Always. And believe. It is always Filipino to believe.
You are young. You are beautiful. And you are free. And because you are young, you have a future. Don't waste that gift. I am glad that you know about Pandora and her box. Keep that one closed. Put it away. But keep it safe. That is the story of Pandora and her box. But especially keep that box closed & safe & hidden away from everyone but yourself. And don't be like Pandora and open it. That was her mistake. You are the protector and guardian of that box. So be careful. But be alive. And be free. God gives you that blessing when you are young. And it goes away when you are old. You are strong today in ways that you do not understand; but you will when you are old. So think about that. It can be so hard to be strong, when you feel yourself getting old.
So please keep yourself well and safe. Be smart, not stupid like so many others. One day when you are old, you will find that box again. And on the day you find it, you will learn something very important about how you have lived your life. For when you find that box again, you will find it open. And that will be a mystery, because you did not open it yourself. And if you have lived well, and have done all that I say, and all that you know you should -- there will be a treasure there inside that open box.
You are young. You are beautiful. And you are free. Live well. And find for yourself that treasure some day. Remember what an old man tells you today. And be that treasure. Isa akong Filipino, pagpalain kayo ng Diyos
May 31 2013: Study hard. You had to do a lot of work to gain entrance to U.P. U.P. is still one of the top Universities in Asia. Chemistry is hard. So stay on top of that. And promise yourself to earn the good grades that everyone tells you are important. They really ARE!
Oh, and sorry I can only give you my blessing in Tagalog. If I could, I would say it in Cebuano. My mother-in-law speaks Warai (Visaya). I asked for help but she's busy making lunch. So I have to leave her alone. Lunch is coming, so good-bye and good-luck.
May 29 2013: I think it could be that the person feels ashamed or embarrassed for allowing another human treat them with no respect and no love. Especially after leaving their abuser, few people decide not to talk about it because the issue does not physically exist anymore. However, most people forget that the biggest damage is psychological. I know from having friends and family members experiencing similar situations. The psychological damage can follow a person for a very long time.
There are many other reasons, but I think this is one of the most common.
May 29 2013: I personally have never experienced the lack of courage to share past abuses. It is cathartic and the basis of most psychological counseling. However, if I were the abuser rather than the recipient of abuse, perhaps this would take far more couraage as one would have to admit to a character flaw which needs correction. This brings up the issue of fear (of being found out) which might inhibit our desire to share. Just a thought...
May 29 2013: It's a good thought M-L Reifschneider, because generally, one who abuses, lacks self esteem, confidence and courage. Sometimes, one of the underlying dynamics of abuse, is that an abuser can feel superior by abusing another person....putting them down, so to speak as they try to elevate themselves. This feeling is generally very superficial and can be on several different conscious or subconscious levels.
Rather than consider it a "character flaw", how about thinking of it as a learned behavior because I think that is generally what it is. Most abusers have been abused.
May 31 2013: Again Colleen, I urge you not to make statements like this, from your comments it's clear that your an intelligent and caring person.
But saying.."Most abusers have been abused", already makes the abusee a further victim, and in my previous reply to your kind comment, I have to say.....I dont believe it is written in stone.
As I said, abusee's can have a depth of character and a determination of will that allows them to overcome even the most horrific of circumstances.
And they can break this cycle. They can choose not to abuse. They can choose to be better.
The abusee, you see in my book is the one with the inherent power, and we need to support them in gaining that freedom, in gaining their self worth, because they are worthy, we really need to support and vocalize that support, not only individually but as a society. We need to reinforce at every turn that - abused people - have our help, what ever help they need.
We need to stop reciting stats that we and they have the power to overcome.
Because once free...Everything is their choice, their options are limitless, that should be ours and their goal.
May 31 2013: Thanks Tify,
I try to be as compassionate and caring as possible. I also ask you to be respectful and accepting of my way of dealing with the question, as you have insightfully stated in a previous comment...
"Tify Ndanoboi
1 day ago: "...with respect there is no one right answer...."
It is a fact Tify, that most abusers have been abused. This does not, in any way justify abuse, and many people who have been abused DO NOT abuse.
I do not believe this statement "makes the abusee a further victim", and I'm sorry you feel that way.
It is information that is available and has helped me understand more of the underlying dynamics of abuse. There is no intent whatsoever, to further victimize anyone.
I absolutely agree that abusers AND victims of abuse can change and break the cycle. In order to do so, it helps to have all available information.
I have done my best to support victims of abuse for many years Tify, and I agree that it is very important to do so. Part of the support we can offer is information. Knowledge is power, and with more knowledge, we can sometimes move through the impact of abuse, and encourage and support others in that journey as well.
May 23 2013: I know some victims and coupled with shame is a frequent feeling by society and victim that it was the victim's fault. In sharing, it takes a desire to help others. It also seems difficult for people to believe that it actually happened in the way described. The evil that some can do is somehow beyond our ability to accept of others. These add to reticence to share. Abuse is often surrounded by system failure: individuals who did not act; those in charge of ensuring a safe environment who failed; and those in charge of checking safety and of fixing things in the aftermath may fail. General trust can be destroyed -only avoided if people act responsibly in the first place, rather than fall into a pattern of irresponsible behavior that enables abuse.
To fix? Therapy, obviously, and safe people/safe spaces are key. Also, time and timing: those under stress are more close with feelings or those who have not yet come to terms. I suspect there is a fear that disclosure will somehow come to define the victim so education of the non-abused is important to help them show belief and not be prejudiced against the abused. Once educated, if one falls abused, they may have different reaction and different expectations placed on others than currently. Compassion as a trait we expect of each other generally. How can society become more compassionate and responsible?
May 24 2013: Chris,
You ask..."How can society become more compassionate and responsible?"
One of the first steps is awareness, which has begun. For a very long time, abuse was not talked about, and as you say...it seems difficult for people to believe that it is actually happening as described.
It used to be common to think that abuse only happened in certain socio-economic segments of society, and we know that is not true. I think, in some instances abuse is "normalized", and that prevents people from addressing it. People sometimes don't know what to do, so they do nothing. As you say...abuse is often surrounded by system failures. I have volunteered in a shelter, family center, correctional facilities, and been a case reviewer for kids in state custody. We were seeing all the same families, going through these systems for generations. You mention some of the reasons why the systems fail.
I believe that our communication systems are going to help with awareness, because one very common underlying factor with abuse is isolation. If we can be aware and communicate our awareness, we may have a chance to become a more compassionate and responsible society.
May 22 2013: I agree Thaddea. It is easier sometimes to try to leave some things behind. The challenge with that concept, is that everything we have experienced, is part of us, so to try to leave it behind, and ignore the impact it has on our lives, I think complicates the challenge.
I agree that it may feel sensitive when others touch on the matter, which is why we, as individuals, probably will not face something until we are ready to face it, and we are all different in that respect. For what it is worth, I started to feel better when I began to speak about my experience, and that may not be the same for everyone....I just want to share my own perception and experience.
May 23 2013: It is indeed remarkable Thaddea.....when/if......we recognize that possibility.
Many of us have experiences in our lives that are not pleasent, and may challenge us to the bottom of our hearts. We can hold onto the confusion, frustration and pain our entire lives, which becomes a burden, weighing us down in every aspect of our life......and/or.....we can learn and grow from the situation by moving through it to the best of our ability.......do you think so?
May 16 2013: Hi Kate,
There are some good comments already on this thread with insightful understanding of why it is difficult to open up about an abusive past.
It was difficult for me to talk about what happened in my home, because it felt so odd, crazy, dysfunctional, and horrible. As a kid, I imagined that families were all like the Brady Bunch....caring, loving, kind, helping each other all the time, supporting each other and comfortable with their family.
I was comfortable with my mom and 7 siblings, and our father was very violent and abusive. As a kid, I didn't realize that this behavior was common in many families. As an adult, I volunteered at a shelter, and the stories I heard over and over again were unbelievable. When I realized that the behavior was MUCH more common than I ever suspected, it gave me the courage and motivation to speak publically about it, which I did for many years, in addition to volunteering in the shelter.
I also volunteered with the dept. of corrections doing programs mostly with offenders of domestic violence.
There is stigma. We do, as children living in challenging circumstances block things from our minds and hearts. It was when I was speaking with collage students and facilitating discussion groups that I started remembering quite a bit that I had blocked because of the fear. As the students asked questions, it stimulated memory of situations that were difficult to talk about. There is pain with reliving the experience, there is fear of judgement and labeling, shame about unacceptable behaviors, that as a child, we had no control of.
What I discovered when speaking about it however, is that most people are kind, accepting, and compassionate, which gave me the courage to continue speaking about it, and it was healing for me.
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May 22 2013: Yes Kate, it is a common response, and I think it is a built in protective mechanism. Perhaps we only remember certain things at a time when we are able to deal with the memory? Healing, may continue for our entire lives, as we explore information.
In my 20s, I thought I had it all figured out....I understood many things on some level, and I thought....ok....I'm done with that!
In my 30's, with more exploration, more information, understanding and acceptance, I thought.....there...now I've got it!!!
In the 40s.....similar...more exploration, information, understanding, etc. What I started noticing, is that each new discovery gave me the motivation, confidence and courage to face more, with myself and others who were on a similar journey.
So, you get the picture....now close to 70 and still exploring, which I will be doing until I take my last breath.
Healing does not usually happen overnight, because we can keep delving for more and more information if we wish. The first steps are sometimes difficult, and once we get the hang of it, I find it fascinating and empowering, as well as healing:>)
May 31 2013: It is interesting that you point out that you did not discuss these matters in part because they felt odd and crazy and you thought other families were like the Brady Bunch. Just as commonly, I would think, and I expect this has been reported already in this busy thread, kids don't share things because they think what they are experiencing is very common and what all children experience at home, so why mention it?
May 31 2013: Good point Fritzie, and as far as I am aware, I don't think this has been addressed in this discussion. It often depends on what a child is experiencing in their neighborhood.
My siblings have a different perspective than mine for example. When they were young there were many large families in the neighborhood, and apparently, there was abuse in a lot of them. My siblings often say it was happening everywhere in the neighbor, so they didn't think anything about it....they thought it was common.
By the time I was born 9 years later, I was the only little kid in the neighbor because most of the kids had grown up, so all the other houses were pretty quiet.
Jun 2 2013: Thanks Colleen.
Kate: It's because I didn't come foward just after it happened and I'm kicking myself about that. Oh I definitely won't be seeing them again. If I saw him I'd kill him. I wasn't in contact with them anyway for other reasons by the time I remembered. I blame her for letting it happen, which is maybe a bit unfair. She's not guilty of anything but being a twat. She knew nothing about it, but she refuses to accept it now. I don't think she would have accepted it back then either, she'd have accused my Dad of putting me up to it.
Jun 1 2013: I was abused by my step dad when I was eight. The feeling was indescribable. I spent a lot of time after that in shock. I tried to come forward but couldn't. In the end I repressed it. It felt like I was dragging a huge weight behind me whatever I did. It still does to some extent, but it made me stronger. 18 months ago I remembered what happened. It gave me a nervous breakdown. The abuse feels recent. It's like I've picked up where I left off. The worst thing for me is knowing how much that changed my personality. I would have been a much nicer person now if it hadn't of happened, or if I had the courage to come forward sooner. I kept putting it off. I didn't even know you could repress memories at the time. I would have been capable of forming long term relationships and I don't think I would always see the worst in people or get wound up so easily. I told the police 6 months ago but there's not enough evidence for it to go to court. You don't seem to stand a chance unless there's multiple complaints. I keep wondering what would have happened if I had remembered when I was still living at home and still in touch with him and my bitch-twat mother. If I had confronted him with her there it would have been obvious from his reaction that he's as guilty as hell. She only believes what she wants to be true unless it's so obvious it's undeniable. I don't think it's ever something I'll even start to get over. I've been having counselling and I'm about to start a new specialised counselling but I don't know if it will help. I can't even cry. I haven't cried since I was 11, although I did shed one tear when David Tennents Dr Who died (: (no joke). It gave me a split personality and every time I start to feel like the pain's coming to the surface I switch over to psycho mode. I'm not sure whether it's a gift or a curse. It makes me able to think in ways I wouldn't be able to otherwise. I don't think it's something I can ever get over, although compared to some I had it easy.
Jun 1 2013: A wal,
I am so sorry you had that challenging experience. One thing you say is..."I would have been a much nicer person now if it hadn't of happened"
A wal, it happened, and it is sad that it happened. However, you probably didn't have a choice as a child? As an adult who now understands more about it, you can be the person you want to be.
"...or if I had the courage to come forward sooner. I kept putting it off. I didn't even know you could repress memories at the time." (read some of the comments on this thread)
We usually deal with this issue when we are ready, willing and able to address it. You say...you didn't know....that is totally understandable. There have been comments on this thread about repressing abusive, violent experiences.....did you read through the comment thread?
When we repeat the sayings....."I could have been"....."I would have been"....".I might have been"....etc.,.......we continue to keep ourselves in a victim catagory.
Believe in what you are doing with counceling.....we never know for sure if it will help, and we can always try......belive in yourself my friend.
Jun 1 2013: I've read some of them. I will read them all but not all at once. Small doses. It's just hard to take that I very nearly came forward to a teacher (I just couldn't even bring myself close to telling a family member) but I bottled it at the last second. Things would have been very different if I had come forward back then.
It's not as simple as being the person you want to be. It took me along time to undo some of the damage when I was growing up, although I didn't know what the damage was from back then. I knew something wasn't right but didn't really question it. It's weird looking back at all know. In a way it doesn't seem real. That's a defence mechanism that they're going to try to strip away. That should be fun.
Jun 1 2013: Hi A wal, and thanks for your reply. The only reason I suggested reading the thread of comments, is because sometimes when we hear other people's stories, we realize that we are not so "different". You are wise......small doses!
Yes....things may have been different "back then", and give yourself credit to know that you were not ready. I honestly don't think that we deal with this "stuff" until we are fully ready to do so. Lots of times, we have blocked the memory for a reason....it is painful to remember.
I didn't say that being the person you want to be is simple.....especially when we have an abusive background. You know how you say....small doses? That is absolutely true. We can START becoming the person we really want to be when we start facing it.....make any sense? It took me a long time to be the person I wanted to be too A wal, and I can confidently say that it is possible, and you are worth it!
I understand what you say....""in a way it doesn't seem real". I have flashbacks sometimes, and I think/feel similar.....was that real? Yes, and it doesn't scare me anymore. You hang in there my friend.....ok?
Heather White 20+Jun 1 2013: People subjected to abusive, controlling, bullying or aggressive people live with psychological chains. No one can remove these chains except the person themselves. The chains feed the person with feelings of shock, fear, guilt, depression, anxiety, anger and shame - so they are very powerful indeed.
If the person is strong enough to over come their own psychological chains the emotional release and sense of freedom and peace is enormous. Life can be lived once more.
No amount of help, love, cajoling or shouting can make a person let go of their own psychological chains. Some people never let then go. Denial helps to mask the symptoms of these chains, but denial can never rid a person of them.
The chains are undone by free will - a relinquishment of the need to control, an acknowledgement of the wonder of life and an acceptance of 'what is'. When people take back their own power the chains melt away. They have no power at all.
Jun 1 2013: Because an abusive past is an insecure past. We don't like to share our insecurities. It makes us feel that we will be seen as being lesser to others by sharing our insecurities. And they're memories we would rather not think about, so talking about them seems like it would bring those abusive memories back even stronger than just thinking about them to yourself. I'm not afraid to share my own story, so I can't say I know this for sure, but it to help someone to open up to their abusive memories, telling them very clearly that you care for them, you don't want to judge them, and you'd like to see them improve in any way possible. And physical contact helps people feel more comfortable, so this may sound strange, but touch their upper arm softly with your hand. People are more likely to trust you. It's a sign of care and emotional support. There needs to be more than simply talking. Physical contact can have a great effect on a person opening up and being trusting. Showing empathy, emotional support, and maybe some level of physical contact (not always the physical contact is needed. Contact may even trigger the memory fear if the contact is similar to the abuse they received.) is helpful to encourage someone to open up about an insecure topic for them. In short, help them feel secure if you want them to share an insecurity.
Jun 1 2013: Austin,
Physical contact does not always help people feel more comfortable for the reason you insightfully give....it may trigger memories of previous abuse.
Many people have been beaten, molested, inappropriately touched, sexually assaulted, etc. Touching is NOT recommended.
Also, in certain cultures, touching (other than intimate relationships in private) is offensive, so touching may be offensive because of someones abusive history, and/or because of a cultural belief.
pat gilbert 100+
May 17 2013: Another good point Pat! As kids, we were always told..."what goes on in this house, stays in this house...don't tell anyone about it", and the warning was often delivered with threats if we ever did talk about it outside the home. If there is intervention, the abuser may lose the control s/he has over the victim.
May 17 2013: Agree Pat, and now there ARE people who are listening! When I was a kid, there were no shelters, and anyone who reported abuse (medical professionals, educators, etc.) were opening themselves to a liability suit. I went to 12 years of catholic schools, and a couple times I tried to talk with a nun or priest about what was happening in our home. They told me to keep quiet about such things....my father was a good man!!!
Sometimes, my mom would give me a note which asked the nuns to please feed me and let me sleep that day because I had not eaten or slept in the home. Do you think any of those nuns wondered why a 6 or 7 year old kid could not eat or sleep in her home???
Now, medical professionals and educators are required to report abuse if they even suspect it, so that has changed for the better.
Also agree about snitches being despised. Those of us who recognize abusive behaviors are not well liked by abusers, because I think they sense that we recognize them.
pat gilbert 100+
May 17 2013: I KNOW that NOW Pat, but as little kids, we were told the nuns and priests were god's representatives, they had all the "right" answers because they were so holy, so we were supposed to listen to them and obey! That was one of the first contradictions I started seeing in the church even as a little child. We were taught to love and respect each other.... and.... it's ok to abuse and beat up people you supposedly to love?
I, and 7 siblings went to catholic schools, and over all those years, there were many signs of abuse, which were ignored. One of my brothers fainted at a football practice because he had not eaten for 3 days. The coach took him to his own home and fed him, but nobody asked why he had not eaten. They would have found out that our father decided that week that the grocery bill was too high, so he put a chain around the refrigerator, and we didn't
You're right...complacency and agreement with the status quo is another reason it is difficult for people to talk about an abusive past. If everyone around them (parents, educators, religious leaders, etc.) is accepting the behavior, what is a little kid to think?
That was one of the factors underlying the sexual abuse of kids by priests. There were quite a few cases in this area, and I read some of the testimony. These kids were told to obey whatever the priest told them, and do what he wanted. One 65 yr. old man said he KNEW it was wrong, but his parents had told him to obey the priest, and the priest reminded him that he would go to hell if he didn't obey!
The concept to obey, no matter what, is detrimental to kids. They need to be taught to think, feel, act and react, and NOT simply obey!
May 17 2013: That is so true; one of the first things abusers do is insulate their victims from family and friends.
As Leslie Morgan Steiner said in her TED talk,
Roy Bourque 30+May 7 2013: The mind protects itself by blocking out things that are painful to remember. To remember the abuse, one cannot disengage the pain. Many people of abuse don't want to remember, so they bury the abuse and develop coping skills to live as if the abuse never happened. In some cases, they become the abuser so they feel in control.
Don Anderson presents a very good point. You become what other people know about you. People want to present themselves as strong and positive so they hide anything that they perceive as negative.
Adriaan Braam also presents a very good point. People often feel that they did something to cause the abuse. There is guilt that goes along with the abuse that the person wants to put behind them. Again, they want to forget so they block it out.
I don't know if you ever overcome the fear of sharing. In a loving environment, a group can reinforce your need to share, but the fear is attached to the pain that you encounter when you choose to share. The group needs to be responsive to that pain in a positive way if they want others to share their story. If the group is not led by someone who understands the dangers of negative feedback, the group will shut down and no one will share. It is important that the group leader is proactive in maintaining a positive environment.
May 2 2013: Hi Kate,
I once read a book called "Reinventing Your Life" by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko, which helped me understand the concept of " 'lifetraps' - self defeating, self destructive patterns of behavior that are essentially comfortable (but damaging) recreations of traumas we have suffered in childhood or early adulthood..."
We tend to subconsciously keep these 'lifetraps' intact, even when they are destructive. For example, if someone has an abusive background, that person may seek an abusive relationship in order to maintain that 'lifetrap' of being abused! It's actually a survival technique, based on how that person reacted to circumstances in childhood.
Only after becoming aware of the pattern, can one break out of it. But because these 'lifetraps' are so deeply rooted, and created as an aide to survive, I can imagine it is extremely difficult for people to view them as a problem.
Brea ClarkMay 2 2013: I somewhat learned about this in my psychology class a few years ago, as well as my personal experiences. Psychologically a person is capable of "forgetting" about a horrific experience (abusive past). When someone goes through something they can mentally delete it out of their minds, allowing them to move on. The down fall to this method is that you never grow from the experience and you haven't accepted the fact it happened.
The second method is people "acting out". I saw an episode of criminal minds where the man was physically abused by his coach. 25 years later he found out his son was abused by his swim coach; He then began to murder people he felt was a threat to children, doing society justice. Me personally, I take bad experiences and flip them into a positive trait for growth and maturity. Nobody ever wants to revisit their past!
May 29 2013: In reply to the first paragraph. To generalize and say it's a down fall of the method, is quite simply put a vastly oversimplified generalization, that obviously comes from someone who is teaching a class, and has no practical experience in that matter what so ever.
Now that may sound harsh, but it deserves to be, because generalizations like that - do more harm than good.
Jun 1 2013: The fear of remembering it, see it again, feel it once more when they had enough.
Everybody keep saying them to open up and let it out But they fear of if they'll open that door, they maybe not be able to close it.
One method to solve this, is "Distraction". If you try to communicate with them not on that subject and keep them busy on something else, that matter will fade out and lose its power. After that they can interact with it and handle it.
Jun 1 2013: Sometimes people don't understand the dynamic that was going on and they find out or figure it out later in life. Take "passive aggression" for instance. When I was a boy I had 7 younger siblings. The one next to me in age was a girl and my parents would tell me how protective I was of her before I was old enough to have my own wherewithal. Then my sister developed a pattern of needling and pestering me incessantly. It went on and on and sometimes I just couldn't take it any more and lashed out with a back hand slap across her hands or arm. It would them bring my parents down on me brutally. My sister would lie and put on an act and say "he keeps on hitting me". I never initiated any hostility with anyone and none of the other 6 youngers. But they always took her word and beat me with belts and things. They never punched me though or tried to injure me. But I hated them for it. Then one day my sister was up to her routine again and I just had it and again gave her a rap to tell her that she's past the point and I'm willing to take a beating rather than put up with any more. My uncle saw only me slap her in the arm and the bastard brutally punched me full force in the stomach. I was 10 and he 30. Everyone saw and was shocked. I was hurt deeply. 40 years went by before I realized that what she was doing is called "passive aggression" and even lower animals like chimps and bears do it--they "frame" their siblings and get the parent to be their proxy punisher. My sister acted contritely as we aged and though she never directly apologized her actions of always remembering my birthday and Christmas and sending me something made me feel that she was sorry. I forgave her because I understand it's a very primitive thing that even lower animals do to get power. But I will never forgive my uncle because what he did was criminal. He assaulted a minor not under his care in a way that could have killed me. And instead of apologizing he brought it up years later to hurt me with ag
Jun 1 2013: Mostly, they're trying to forget that part of their life and pretend it never happened. By talking about it, they're acknowledging it, therefore making it real.
I've seen people who never, ever talked about their abuse, and functioned relatively normally...But under certain circumstances began having flashbacks and regress to the age/state of mind they were in during the abuse, and began exhibiting the behaviours and emotions they did when they were abused--similar to an emergency responder breaking down and crying when he smells burnt coolant or a soldier hitting the dirt when a car backfires--for condifentiality reasons I cannot disclose anymore.
As far as how does one overcome the fear....Some do, some don't. If they want to talk, they'll talk, otherwise they'll take it to their grave and no one will ever know.


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subset: commoncrawl


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The Hershey plant in Robinson, Illinois has stopped sending waste to landfills.
It's the latest Hershey plant to do that .
Their recycling rate went from 88 percent last year to nearly 97 percent this year. Almost all of their waste is recycled.
The remaining 3% is sent to a waste-to-energy incinerator.


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New installment of my column Ordinary Machines is up today at Pitchfork! It's about the influence of mislabeled mp3s on filesharing sites. A few footnotes:
1. I am loving the conversation it's generating and it's fun to learn about people's own personal "Innocent Civilian"s. Katherine St. Asaph's story is great. And the thought of Tom Ewing thinking for one moment that an ABBA cover of "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina" existed is legitimately breaking my heart.
2. Something I did not really get a chance to tease out: "shameful" as some of these memories and misunderstandings can feel now (THOUGH), for a lot of people this was a legitimate source of musical discovery, and often the kind that pointed you in the direction of an artist you might not have found otherwise.
3. There have been a lot of really interesting— and, ultimately futile— attempts undo the damage of P2P mislabels. I came across this blog called Mislabeled P2P, which "is basically a source to help prevent the mislabeling of song titles and artists on peer to peer file sharing networks, namely the ever-popular Limewire," as its anonymous vigilante author stated in an introductory post in 2009. They wrote a few blurbs with the noble aim of, say, educating the public to the fact that "Sex and Candy" was not a Nirvana song. ("Marcy [Playground]'s John Wozniak has a much deeper, [more] monotonous voice than Kurt Cobain's." A-HA!) But like so many well-intentioned blogs and coveted Wordpress usernames, its author abandoned Mislabeled P2P after 5 posts. It's quiet the way a dead mall is quiet. Something about its silence says something about the impossible scope and ultimate futility of the task.
4. Seriously can we talk about this screenshot.
5. One of the artists most often mistagged on p2p sites was, true story, Weird Al. The best site I found in my research (and, to my knowledge, the best site in the history of the internet) is a fan-created page called Songs Not By Weird Al, which provides authoritative confirmation that Weird Al did NOT write such p2p hits as "Beer Polka," "I Bit His Ear," "Bohemian Rap City," "Wrong Foot Amputated," "I Hate Big Butts," "I Like Big Butts" ("This song is by an individual named 'Sir Mix-A-Lot'"), "What If God Smoked Cannibus," "Oh Taliban," and "Oops! I Farted Again." I bet he wishes he did, though.


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OSHTEMO (WKZO) -- John Fisher is the first Democrat to announce he will be running in the 61st State House race this year.
Fisher is the Pastor at the Oshtemo United Methodist Church. He says he is running to represent the voice of the middle class in Lansing and to bring a little harmony to the state capital.
He says families deserve better than what they are getting now.
Two Kalamazoo County Commissioners, Phil Stinchcomb and Brandt Iden will face off in the Republican primary in August for the right to run against Fisher, if no other candidates jump in.
The district is currently represented by Margaret O'Brien who is running for State Senate.


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Flowering House Courtyard Hotel Reviews
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Pleasant enough, especially sitting in the courtyard in the sunshine. The location isn't particularly near the tourist sites but that was a good thing: it was nice to be away from the tourist throng. Metro is just around the corner anyway so transport was no problem. Staff were very nice, food a bit limited, facilities fairly basic (e.g. not a fantastic shower - adequate but no more). Overall it was fine but probably a bit overpriced.
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Each week we'll highlight a different song by a Bushwick band or artist we like. If you would like to have your band's song considered, you can submit an MP3 here.
The subtlety of Nihiti's "Pinko Morning" is appropriate for such an intentionally enigmatic band. The song presents itself as a pleasant, mostly acoustic tune with pleasant, steady tenor vocals that completely disregarding repeated references to lunacy and blood in the snow. Never mind, though. Sinister lyrics are a wonderful thing to hide, along with gently padding, simple drums and a barely there horn. This is a song that demands repeat listens, just to ensure you don't miss all of the details.
"Pinko Morning" is available on the recently released Faced With Splendor EP, available for download and on vinyl.
Pinko Morning


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8 Completely Infallible Tips To Filling Out Your March Madness Bracket [Click for more]
- Randomly decide that one Conference sucks and keep picking against them. Example: "The Pac-10 is totally overrated. Arizona, UCLA and Oregon aren't going anywhere. Neither's Gonzaga. Wait, are they in the Pac-10? Whatever, it's rainy and mild there, I'm counting it."
- Pick against one school for arbitrary personal reasons. Example: "Screw Georgetown. That school rejected me plus I didn't want to go there anyway 'cause their campus was all stupid and goth-looking. Buncha losers, they might lose in the First Round."
- Overrate one team that looked good when you watched them for 10 minutes in December. Example: "You know, I watched New Mexico play USC a little while ago and I'll tell you, that team is legit. They got some guy, his name's like… something with a J in it — I saw that dude hit two Threes when I was kinda looking up at the screen at a bar during a work drinks thing. Might put 'em in my Final Four."
- Pick one completely random giant upset then panic at the last minute and put the Favorite back in. Example: "You know what? I think Duke's going down. I really do. They're a little overrated every year, and one high seed always loses before the Sweet Sixteen, and I'm not gonna win this pool unless I do something a little bold, so yeah, I'm doing it, I'm PICKING DUKE TOLOSE!" [3 Minutes Pass] "Hey, here's my bracket. Also, this one spot, where there's a giant scribble and an arrow to the margin? That says 'Duke,' I'm picking Duke. Thanks." Continue


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Jesse shrugged on his jacket while periodically checking his phone. He was a little miffed over what had happened between him and Rachel at the coffee shop and was slightly more irritated that she didn't drop it. Then again, it was Rachel, sighing to himself he walked out of his house and turned to close and lock his door. Pausing, he began to wonder if going over to Blaine's was a good idea. He found Blaine attractive, there was no doubt in that, but Blaine had a significant other. Albeit, one Blaine was falling out of love with, but nonetheless a significant other.
The drive to Blaine's apartment was surprisingly short. Finding a parking spot, Jesse got out of his car and headed towards the building. After looking around the place, Jesse finally found Blaine's door and slowly knocked. While waiting patiently he lost himself into deep thought, all of which was about what he was currently doing, why he was there, and most of all, what trouble he could end up getting into.


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As Loki and Thor are talking on the cliff, you can spot two ravens passing by above them. It is said that Odin has two ravens, Huginn and Muninn, that fly across the world and give Odin information of what's going on. I'd like to think that he's keeping an eye on his boys during their visit on Earth.
Nobody lombadas like Loki! x
Tralalalala birds~


text: Well, today was an awesome day. Absolutely incredible. We ran the first eight stages of the event. Well, seven stages at least. One was canceled due to a bad accident/car fire. One of the Ford Escorts tumbled, rolled, flipped and crashed for about 100 feet before landing on its roof and bursting into flames. Fortunately both the driver and co-driver were able to escape with no injuries. However, stage 7 was closed and we continued on to the final stage.


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Great Performer, Great Value by ezshift5 on 02/05/2013. Trim: 2013 Acura TL 6-Spd AT w/ Technology Pkg, Owned less than 1 year.
Pros: Accelerates and handles very well. Great value and reliability from Acura. Good size - not too small, not too big. Full of features you pay extra in other cars (BMW, Audi, Mercedes etc). Technology package is worth the extra money. Getting 23+ MPG combined, even in hard driving.
Cons: Steering is a bit vague but overall is not bad. Front wheels can be overpowered by engine at times, but again, overall this is not a big problem - could be solved by buying AWD but I wanted better fuel economy from FWD model.
Overall review: This is my second Acura, traded up from a 2006 TSX. Needed a bit more room and still wanted a sporty, upscale car. Paid well under the $40k sticker and got a great trade on my TSX. Acura's are underrated - they perform well and hold their value. The 2012 TL styling refresh has improved the appearance and made this car quite appealing. Highly recommend.
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Worth The Money by Smokedspam on 08/12/2013. Trim: 2013 Acura TL 6-Spd AT, Owned less than 1 year.
Pros: Feels very solid and handles very well.Good gas mileage I average over 400 miles per tank. Fair prices at my local dealer for basic maintenance.Plenty of room. Acceleration is very solid and brakes and quite good never any fading after spirited driving.Quality stereo.
Cons: Needs premium fuel.Steering is weak. Poor on center feel and to light. Odd shaped trunk and a little small for this class.
Overall review: Worth the money if your looking for a super reliable luxury vehicle with lower than average up keep cost. This was a good purchase..
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Wife's car by Peg on 03/22/2013. Trim: 2013 Acura TL 6-Spd AT w/ Technology Pkg, Owned less than 1 year.
Pros: Everything!
Cons: Nothing!
Overall review: Great Car
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Fabulous buy! by ST on 05/19/2013. Trim: 2013 Acura TL 6-Spd AT SH-AWD w/ Technology Pkg, Owned 1 year.
Pros: This car is great! The basic features are fabulous, but the technology package that I have is even better. The navigation system is exceptional, the audio system is beyond anything that I've heard, and the seating comfort is great. In addition, the performance is great -- acceleration, braking, cornering, etc. The AWD makes driving a joy -- just point the car and drive -- no worries about skids, even under tough conditions. The sequential shift mode (or sports mode) notches up the performance substantially!
Cons: Requires premium gas -- so gets just over 300 miles for a full tank under city driving conditions (~ 22.5 mpg)
Overall review: I would recommend this car to everyone that wants a good performance car with first-class features without having to pay the first-class price. The feature set of the car is better than the competition. Don't be fooled by the reviews of other cars by various reviewers -- most drivers won't even notice the nuances that the reviewers use to rank cars!
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2013 Acura TL by lkendall on 11/19/2013. Trim: 2013 Acura TL 6-Spd MT SH-AWD w/ Technology Pkg, Owned less than 1 year.
Pros: Manual transmission option. Reliability of a Honda, with the luxury and handling of a BMW.
Cons: I owned a '09 TL; Traded that in for the '13, they changed the "BEAK" a little from the '09 to the '13, still not a big fan of that, but it is a little better. Also, don't like the fact that the '13 Honda Accord has LED day time running lights, but my more costly '13 TL has regular day time running lights.
Overall review: Overall, it is a car that I will love, 10-15 yrs from now, and still will look good no matter what.
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Republican Rand Paul has claimed that if he runs for president in 2016, he would be able to draw more Democratic and independent votes than most other GOP hopefuls. Apparently, someone at the Democratic National Committee agrees with him and considers it time, some 26 months before the next presidential election, to take a preemptive shot at the junior senator from Kentucky.
If former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor was a weakened candidate in his failed campaign against primary opponent David Brat, it was surely not from hunger.
With the new school year upon us, the federal government is once again turning its attention to school lunches, claiming it is a matter of national security.
You might not be able to tell the Right from the Left, or the Tea Party favorites from "mainstream" Republicans, without a scorecard in the late-blooming controversy over the U.S. Export-Import Bank.
The Obama administration violated a "clear and unambiguous law" in exchanging Guantanamo prisoners for Army Sgt. Bergdahl, says a General Accounting Office report, and he isn't stopping there.


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From: Laredo. Take I-35 North, exit at Highway 83 to CarPrizo Springs. Proceed 80 miles to the BEST WESTERN PLUS Carrizo Springs Inn & Suites past Walmart®.
BEST WESTERN PLUS Carrizo Springs Inn & Suites
We care about the quality of your stay with us. Below are nearby attractions, shopping and restaurants that are popular with our guests. Listed locations are nearby with approximate distance listed where available.
More Area Attractions & Services
- 2.00 mile(s) from library and museum, museum exhibits the Wade House Indian Artifact Collection and city and county memorabilia.
- 50.00 mile(s) from Kickapoo Eagle Casino, gambling
- 82.00 mile(s) from Laredo Arena, concerts and hockey
- 0.25 mile(s) from Walmart®
- 0.25 mile(s) from Dollar General Store
- 50.00 mile(s) from Mall De Las Aguilas, shopping mall
Distances to Popular Points of Interest
- 9.00 mile(s) from Crystal City
- 11.00 mile(s) from Asherton
- 15.00 mile(s) from Catrina
- 50.00 mile(s) from Pearsall
- 50.00 mile(s) from Uvalde
- 80.00 mile(s) from Laredo
- 100 mile(s) from San Antonio
- 8.00 mile(s) from Texas Olive Ranch, produces olive oil
- 11.00 mile(s) from Del Monte, packing facility
Local Area Recreation Opportunities
- Outdoor pool
- 50.00 mile(s) from Kickapoo Indian Camp, Native American reservation
- 75.00 mile(s) from Gardner State Park, camping, hiking and fishing
- 82.00 mile(s) from Laredo Casa Blanca Lake, camping and fishing
- 90.00 mile(s) from Lake Amistad, camping and fishing
Nearby Restaurants
- 0.25 mile(s) from Steak House, full service, steak house, open for: lunch, dinner
- 1.00 mile(s) from Pizza Hut, fast food, Italian, open for: lunch, dinner
BEST WESTERN PLUS Carrizo Springs Inn & Suites
Enjoy your stay with us even more by checking out some of the most popular area points of interest in or near Carrizo Springs. Chase the links to explore the local region even more.
Alberta | British Columbia | Manitoba | New Brunswick | Nova Scotia | Ontario | Prince Edward Island | Quebec | Saskatchewan | Yukon | Caribbean


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Categories > Anime/Manga > Yu-Gi-Oh!
Whispers0 Reviews
Yugi's in love with Yami. He's constantly fighting with his conscience about Yami's sexuality. But why does his conscience insist that the other is gay? And why does it keep sending him strange tho...
"I saw you smile. And my mind could not erase the beauty of your face." Richard Marx
Yugi Motou walked down the hallway of Domino High. A smirk played on his lips. The young boy wasn't actually young. He had vibrant amethyst eyes and tri-colored spiky hair. It was a mix of the darkest ebony, sunshine blonde, and a light purple. He was 17, even though he looked like he was 13. He was also the world game king. He and Atem Atenkaten had won the title years ago. Atem looked just like him, except he had more blonde in his hair, and the tips were crimson instead. His eyes were also sharper, and a beautiful blood red color. He also had a yearlong tan. That was one of the numerous things that made girls swoon over him. He was the perfect gentleman. He was always nice and polite to everyone around him. Reserved. Just like the pharaoh that he used to be.
When Yugi and Atem had first met, the ancient pharaoh was locked inside the Millennium Puzzle, a small upside down pyramid type necklace. The two had many adventures together and when it came time for him to say goodbye, he refused to go to the afterlife. He chose instead to stay and so gained his own body. They had come back to Japan and Atem enrolled in school. He quickly became one of the most popular people, as well as one of the smartest. He still hung out with Yugi and the others. After all they were his best friends.
Well… that was until Tea decided that she didn't want to be friends anymore. She wanted something more. Atem had practically begged everyone to help keep her away from him. It had been very amusing until she had threatened to hurt Yugi if he didn't go out with her. It took all that Joey, Yugi, Seto, and Ryou had to prevent both Yami and Bakura from sending her to the shadow realm. Over the months, he and Yugi had gotten to know each other better and now Bakura viewed Yugi as a "little brother" of sorts. From then on, the gang avoided her and made sure to protect both of them.
Yugi walked into his history classroom and paused. The entire gang was inside and they were sitting in various spots around his desk, and sitting directly on his desk was Yami. He felt his heart flutter when said person looked up and smiled at him. Yugi had known for a while now that he was in love with the older look-a-like. He had fallen in love with the other's courage, strength, and protectiveness over him. Oh, yes, he had helplessly fallen in love. But he knew he didn't stand a chance with the other. The most obvious part being that Yami was as straight as the next guy, and the next guy happened to be Seto. And seeing as Seto was dating one of the girls in a different class that meant that he was straight. And so that made Yami straight. It was all completely logical in Yugi's mind.
Sometimes you're rational scares me, a little voice inside his head said.
Oh, go away, Yugi told his conscience.
Well, it's true! And how exactly do you know that he's straight? it asked, for that matter, how do you know that Kaiba's straight?
Oh, how about the obvious? HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!! Yugi replied as he rolled his eyes and started to make his way over to the group.
So? He could be bi… it replied.
Shut up, he thought. His conscience was really starting to get a mind of its own lately.
I'm just saying... it said, And besides, you know you want his hand down your pants and…
"Be quiet!" Yugi muttered angrily.
"What about being quiet?" Joey asked.
Yugi looked up. He hadn't realized that he reached his friends. He blushed and smiled, "Oh, nothing Joey. I was talking to myself."
"You were telling yourself to be quiet?" Joey asked as he tilted his head to the side. He looked even more like the puppy dog that Kaiba repeatedly told him he was.
Yugi's blush intensified, "…Yeah."
Joey looked at him for a moment before shrugging. He startled the smaller one with a growl as he turned around and glared at Kaiba, "Will you stop poking me?!"
"No," Kaiba replied with a smirk and poked him again.
Joey growled and proceeded to get into another argument with the Kaiba Corps CEO. Yugi merely shook his head and sat down at his desk. He pulled his books out of his backpack and set them on the only part of his desk that Yami wasn't sitting on.
"What took you so long Yugi?" Yami asked.
Yugi glanced up and thought he saw something like triumph in the other's eyes, but it was gone as quick as it had come. He dismissed it as his imagination as he pulled some more books out, "Mr. Bolton wanted to ask me about how Grandpa was doing."
"Oh," Yami said. He sighed.
Yugi heard the sigh and looked up at the other and saw the concern in his eyes.
"I just worry about Tea," he said, "I'm just afraid that she'll try something if we're not with you."
Yugi smiled up at the other, "I know, Yami. The same goes for you. She might do something horrible to you."
"Don't worry about me, hikari," Yami said with a small chuckle, "She won't be able to do much to me."
Yugi sighed and pouted, "I know, but still…"
POV shift. Yami's POV
Does he know how delectable he looks when he pouts? If we weren't in school, I'd pounce on him right now. I'd smother him in kisses and soft touches. I'd make him go absolutely wild with want. So much so that he'd beg me to take him… uh oh… he's looking at me like he's expecting some sort of answer… what were we talking about again? Oh, that's right, Tea.
"I'll be fine, hikari," I tell him.
He sighs but nods. His eyes closed and he shook his head before smiling at me. Gods how I want him! But it's too soon. Much too soon. The bell rang and I slid off his desk and into my seat. I was sitting behind him one row over, so I had a great view of his back. I sat there studying him as the class began. I saw him shift, almost as if he was sensing my gaze, and I grinned as I whispered to no one.
"Soon, my little one, soon."


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Last month we showed you spy photos of Honda's Prius-fighting hybrid testing in the desert, and now we have confirmation that the dedicated hybrid will be unveiled at the Paris Motor Show in October. The hybrid-only model, which looks awfully Prius-like when camo'd, will carry many styling cues from the handsome FCX Clarity. The Honda hybrid will go on sale in 2009, will start at under $20k and is rumored to achieve at least 60 mpg. Honda plans to build 200,000 units per year, with half of the production coming to our shores. The Honda hybrid will utilize a smaller, lighter version of the 1.3L engine from the Civic hybrid, with a CVT transmission and a nickel metal hydride battery pack.
The still unnamed hybrid hatch is just one piece of Honda's larger goal of producing 500k hybrids a year by 2012. Honda is also planning a battery-assisted Fit sub-compact, a new Civic hybrid, and a production version of the CR-Z coupe concept. We're excited to see Honda's dedicated hybrid, which will be the first real competition to the Prius and an honest to goodness alternative for the American consumer.
Related GallerySpy Shots: Honda Hybrid
[Source: Inside Line]


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Tunisia First Free Election (Poll)
Tunisia uprising was the first and so is the election; Yesterday, Tunisia has a historic free election and so far it is considered successful with more than 90% of registered voters showed up at at the polling stations, voted and came out holding up their fingers with a blue stain on them feeling so proud...
The final voting results will be announced tomorrow, Tuesday, the 25th of October.
Do you think the Tunisian Election will be successful? Let us know what do you think.
- Yes, I think it will be successful
- No, It won't be successful
- I think the election was a bad idea


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A lack of fire hydrants in the area slowed firefighting efforts Friday after flames engulfed an Iron County home.
Fire crews were called to a home near 3500 East Red Creek Canyon Road on Friday just after noon on a report of a fire burning the roof of the home, according to the Iron County Sheriff's Office.
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When crews arrived, they tried to contain the fire, but once the roof began collapsing, they had to leave the house. They continued to fight the fire from outside the residence, but a lack of fire hydrants caused limited water resources, and it took about an hour for water to be trucked to the area.
Fire personnel from the Paragonah, Parowan, Brian Head and Bureau of Land Management responded and eventually put out the fire. No injuries were reported, but the residence was destroyed. Fire officials estimate the damage at $400,000, and believe the fire originated in the chimney.
Copyright 2014 The Salt Lake Tribune. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.


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This warm weather has many people ready for a 4th of July cookout, as opposed to having Santa Claus come down their chimney.
That warmth is not putting a damper on one man's Christmas cheer, though.
Cary Bruckner has been putting up Christmas lights on his family farm for years, and this year he may have outdone himself.
"I started this in September," Cary said. "Seeing the finished project is worth it."
Cary has strung up an astounding 33,215 lights this holiday season, and used more than a half mile of extension cord.
"I put more and more up each year," Cary told KSFY News. "It is something I really like to do."
Cary is not the only one who enjoys the finished project.
Julie Bruckner, Cary's mother also gets in the holiday spirit with the lights.
"I think the whole area likes it." Julie said. "Cary works hard at it and he has more patience than anybody I know."
The Bruckner family farm is located south of Groton in Conde and Cary plans to leave the lights up through the Christmas season.


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Question from
Greta Kirby
Lab Mix, age
6 yr.
Our lab mix, Lucy, has started to limp. She lifts her left hind leg when walking and appears to be in pain. When we rub the leg and her back it seems to give her relief. We are wondering if this is arthritis or degenerative joint disease?
Our Vet Says:
It is very difficult to give a diagnosis from your description. For a good diagnosis it is best to consult a vet. If you want you can give an anti-inflammatory medicine, if it is artthritis you can see an improvment in your dog� s condition.You can choose out of Rimadyl, Metacam, Ketofen, these are all non-steroidial anti-inflammatory drugs and the effect will be visible after two weeks of treatment. The treatment can be for a period of one -three months. However as these are all prescription medication, you will need to consult a vet
The answers or information contained on this site are for informational purposes only. The materials in this web site are in no way intended to replace the professional care, advice, diagnosis or treatment of a veterinary surgeon. The web site does not have answers to all problems. Answers to specific problems may not apply to everyone. Consult your veterinarian for any problem your pet has. Under no circumstances shall BudgetPetCare or any of its associates be liable for any damages resulting from the use of the service or the information contained therein. Please refer to our terms and conditions.
Congratulations to the winner of this month's Question
of the Month,
catherine c.
who wins $100 for the following question:
Our vet just recommending alternating flee products to add Advantage with the Revolution every other month. What is the difference between Advantage and Advantage II?...?
our vet's reply


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For a historical background on oysters, please read Oysters Part 1-Introduction; The seduction from the sea.
Buying, Care and Cleaning:
Buy the freshest oysters possible from cold waters (look for oysters from the Pacific Northwest, both coasts of Canada, and places in the far southern hemisphere like New Zealand and Chile). Do not eat or buy any whole oysters which are open as this means they have died and are not safe for consumption. Sometimes a live oyster will open slightly. Give it a tap and if it snaps shut, it's still alive. If not, toss it.
Store fresh oysters in the refrigerator with the cup side down and their flat side facing up. Cover with a wet kitchen towel. Do not store them on ice because sitting in melting fresh water can kill an oyster. Don't store oysters in an air-tight container because lack of oxygen can kill them. …


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A short war with Mexico —- The Battle of Ambos Nogales, 1918
In 1918 tensions along the United States/Mexican border were heating up. The turmoil of the Mexican revolution, recent raids by the revolutionary Pancho Villa, and sporadic incidents of violence along the border led to heightened security among border agents and the military. More importantly the United States was at war with Germany, sending hundreds of thousands of soldiers to fight in the trenches of the Great War. One of the reasons the US had entered World War I was a secret telegram from the German ambassador Arthur Zimmerman to Mexico, offering an alliance if Mexico attacked the United States as well as the recovery of lost territories such as Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. While Mexico rejected the proposal the United States feared that German influence and espionage was rife south of the border. Needless to say a suspicious eye was cast on Mexico by the United States Government. Border security personnel on both sides were anxious and twitchy, a situation which could only lead to violence.
On August 27th 1918 a Mexican carpenter named Zerefino Lamadrid passed through the border at Nogales, Arizona/Sonora without having a package he was carrying inspected. US border guards suspected he was smuggling weapons and ordered him to halt. However Mexican guards on the other side of the border ordered him to continue. Confused as to what to do Lamadrid froze as soldiers on both sides shouted contradictory orders. Finally when an American soldier raised his rifle a gun battle erupted between American and Mexican border guards. In response to the shooting a garrison of Mexican Federal troops joined the growing firefight while simultaneously reinforcements arrived from the 35th US Infantry and 10th Cavalry (the Buffalo Soldiers). Essentially a deadly misunderstanding at the border erupted into all out warfare between the United States and Mexico. Adding to the firefight were hundreds of Mexican civilians who grabbed personal firearms and joined in with the battle. On the American side civilians also responded by arming themselves, occupying rooftops and firing across the border.
Under heavy fire, the 10th Cavalry crossed south of the border and led an attack into the town. Weeks earlier Mexican soldiers had dug a series of trenches on the hilltops overlooking the town of Senora. Before more Mexican reinforcements could arrive and occupy the hills soldiers of the 10th Cavalry captured the trenches, fortifying the position and setting up machines guns. In response Mexican soldiers and civilians fortified a number of large buildings and used them to fire back against American targets.
At the height of the battle the Mayor of Sonora, Felix B. Peñaloza, placed a white cloth on his cane and ran through the streets begging people to stop shooting. Peñaloza was killed when a bullet from the Arizona side of the border struck him. With the death of Peñaloza city hall officials and the Mexican Consulate worked to end the fighting. After almost four hours of fighting white flags rose above the Mexican customs house and a ceasefire was ordered on both sides. Sporadic sniper fire continued for a while, but for the most part hostilities ceased.
In the aftermath of the battle a two miles border fence was erected in Nogales. An American military investigation into the incident concluded the conflict was caused routine mistreatment of Mexican border crossers and the misconduct of Border security agents. Incredibly the US government blamed the incident on agitation by German agents, a supposition based on nothing more than rumor, innuendo, and hearsay. The battle left six American servicemen dead as well as two civilian militiamen. Mexican reports count 15 soldiers, although the exact number of civilian casualties is unknown.
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A short war with Mexico —- The Battle of Ambos Nogales, 1918 In 1918 tensions along the United States/Mexican border...
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If mexico would had only invaded usa with full capacity. And us been force to send soldier back home to defend. Feels :(
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Some interesting Arizona history I never heard about.
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