text: Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker Ultra-thin multi-purpose home theater speaker Zoom Front Back Back Back Back Grille off Profile measures just 1-1/2" deep Three shown (TV not included) Top Photos Videos Item #: 735XTR50 Review Summary 1 person says In Stock Free Crutchfield lifetime tech support Free Shipping Your price $699.00 each Add to cart + Add to wishlist Email me alerts for this product $629.10 Open Box $594.15 Scratch & Dent Buy this item and earn up to 699 Rewards points See more offers and ways to save Save 10% on a Center Stage speaker shelf Special Financing Available x By buying this product you'll earn up to 699 Rewards points. When you sign up for a Crutchfield account, you'll be enrolled in Crutchfield Rewards. You'll earn one point for every dollar you spend on gear from us. You can turn your points into Rewards Cards that you can use toward future purchases. You can sign up for an account now, or after you complete your purchase (you'll get credit for the points either way). Sign up for a Crutchfield account Overview Details Customer Reviews Q&A Articles & Videos Accessories Our take on the Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker by Kristen Schaub Revolutionary ultra-slim speaker for today's flat-panel TVs For years, TVs have gotten thinner and thinner and so has the sound of their built-in speakers. Finally, here's a super-slim speaker from Definitive Technology that'll truly match the look of that state-of-the-art HDTV in your living room, while still delivering high-performance sound. The versatile Mythos XTR-50 can be used as a left, right, and center channel speakers in a home theater setup, and at only 1-1/2" deep, it'll look right at home mounted on your wall. You'll be amazed when you hear the rich, realistic sound and wide soundstage that this super-thin speaker can produce. No wonder it won the CES Best of Innovations 2010 award in the High Performance Audio category. State-of-the-art driver design for impressively accurate sound The ultra-shallow drivers are carefully designed to produce surprisingly big sound. Using precise computer modeling and years of design experience, Definitive created incredibly thin, space-efficient "XTDD" drivers. These shallow drivers optimize every part of the speaker surface to maintain a high level of performance. The XTR-50 uses two 3-1/2" XTDD drivers, each one pressure-coupled to two low-bass radiators, for big sound from a total of six dome woofers. And at the center of the baffle is the same pure aluminum dome tweeter used in Definitive's flagship Mythos ST SuperTower® speakers. It produces extended highs, revealing nuance and shimmer without a trace of edginess. Flexible placement options With a depth of only 1-1/2", this slim speaker looks great next to a flat-panel TV. The Mythos XTR-50 comes with a wall-mounting bracket that allows for either vertical or horizontal placement, with a total installation depth of just 1-5/8 inches. It also comes with an attractive smoked-glass stand that lets you place it on a shelf or entertainment stand. The specially shaped enclosure is made of black hand-polished aluminum, and uses stiffing ribs and channels to make it rigid and resonance-free. Building a system Put together a complete home theater system using XTR-50 speakers for your front three channels. Add on Definitive's Mythos Gem or Mythos Gem XL surround speakers for wraparound sound. For high-impact bass you'll need a subwoofer like the ProSub 1000 or SuperCube III. Got wire? Most speakers don't include any. Learn about choosing and installing speaker wire at the Crutchfield Learning Center. Shop our selection of speaker wire. Did you know? Your new speakers will probably sound better after several weeks of use than they do right out of the box. That's because the material surrounding the woofers will loosen up, allowing the drivers to move more fully. Definitive Technology estimates a break-in period of 24 to 48 hours of playback before the speakers will deliver optimum sound quality. For more information and helpful tips, check out this article from Definitive's website about conditioning your speakers. See more info on this item Highlights:matches ultra-thin TVs 50" and upfrequency response 92-30,000 Hzsensitivity 92 dB8-ohm impedancehandles up to 100 wattsone 1" pure aluminum dome tweetertwo 3-1/2" XTDD aluminum dome midrange/bass driversfour 3-1/2" pressure coupled dome low-bass radiatorsone pair of 5-way binding postsaircraft-grade extruded aluminum cabinetgloss black finishincludes wall-mounting bracket and glass base table standweight: 5.1 lbs.dimensions: 6"W x 27"H x 1-1/2"D (without bracket)warranty: 5 yearsOur 60-day money-back guarantee Hands-on research from the Crutchfield Labs (what are the Labs?) What's in the box? | In-depth notes Product Research What's in the box? Download owner's manual Table-top/wall-mount loudspeaker (with removable cloth grille) Wall-mount bracket Pedestal shaft Pedestal base 2 Metal feet Plug-in speaker terminal Four 1-1/2" wood-screws Two 6mm x 13mm screws 6mm x 16mm screw Owner's Manual Template Online Product Registration card Definitive magnetic logo Our Product Research Team At Crutchfield, you'll get detailed, accurate information that's hard to find elsewhere. That's because we have our own in-house Product Research team — they open the box, verify contents, check the owner's manual, and record dimensions, features and specs. We stay on top of new products and technologies to help people make informed choices. Overview: The Definitive Technology Mythos XTR-50 loudspeaker offers maximum versatility for your home theater and flat-panel entertainment system (perfect size for 46"-55" TV); it can be used as an on-wall or shelf-mounted Front, Center, and Surround speaker. The Mythos XTR-50 features a high-gloss aircraft-grade extruded aluminum enclosure with proprietary damping technologies to ensure total rigidity and perfectly accurate sound. It also features two 3-1/2" XTDD anodized aluminum mid/bass drivers pressure-coupled to four 3-1/2" dome low-bass radiators, and a 1" (25mm) pure aluminum dome tweeter with an acoustically contoured faceplate for excellent high frequency extension, detail, and smoothness. Driver Technology Enclosure Design Connections Mounting Options Driver Technology Pure Aluminum Dome Tweeter: The center-mounted 1" tweeter is the same hyper-definition pure aluminum dome tweeter found in Definitive's award-winning state-of-the-art Mythos ST SuperTower. The pure aluminum dome tweeter provides clarity, dynamic range, and extended high-frequency response. XTDD Technology Drivers: The Definitive Technology Mythos XTR-50 loudspeaker utilizes Definitive's patent-pending XTDD technology anodized Aluminum dome driver for extraordinary performance. Using state-of-the-art computer modeling and decades of speaker design experience, Definitive engineers eliminated every inch of wasted space, optimized every part, and maximized the moving surface area of a dynamic driver to shrink it down to a very compact dimension without giving up ultra high performance audio fidelity. The XTDD drivers provide dynamic punch, a wide frequency range, and broad dispersion that flat vibrating membrane panel-type speakers simply cannot match. Pressure Coupled Design: To extend and deepen the bass response of such a thin speaker, the two 3.5" XTDD drivers are pressure coupled to four 3.5" anodized aluminum dome bass radiators. Enclosure Design Ultra-Thin Aluminum Enclosure: The Definitive Technology Mythos XTR-50 features an ultra-thin (1.5" deep) aircraft-grade aluminum cabinet that fits today's flat-panel televisions perfectly. By specially shaping the enclosure and incorporating stiffing ribs and channels, Definitive made the space-efficient extruded aluminum enclosure ultra-rigid and resonance-free. The magnets of the XTDD drivers protrude through the rear wall of the enclosure to further minimize depth. A thermally conductive gasket seals the enclosure/magnet interface and transfers heat from the driver's rare-earth magnet to the enclosure, making the whole enclosure a giant heat dissipater. Magnetic Grille: The Mythos XTR-50 LCR speaker features a black cloth magnetic grille which easily attaches and detaches from the speaker. Connections Speaker Terminals: The Mythos XTR-50 is equipped with a plug-in C-clamp speaker terminal to attach your receiver's speaker wire (up to 14 AWG). Mounting Options Applications: The Mythos XTR-50 can be used as left & right main, center, and surround speakers in your home theater audio system. The Mythos XTR-50 can be mounted on the wall or placed on a tabletop vertically or horizontally as a left & right main speaker, center speaker, or surround speaker. Mounting: The Mythos XTR-50 can be mounted vertically or horizontally on a wall or on a shelf. The XTR-50 can be mounted directly to the wall using the key-hole slots on the back of the enclosure and well-anchored screws. If you choose, the speaker can be wall mounted using the supplied mounting bracket that allows either vertical or horizontal orientation with a total installed on-wall depth of only 1.5625". Two adjustable support feet are supplied in cases where you place the XTR-50 on a shelf as a center-channel speaker (horizontal orientation). For vertical shelf or table-top placement, the XTR-50 comes with a smoked tempered glass base. Note: The XTR-50 measures 30" tall x 9.625" wide x 6.1875" deep when attached to the included pedestal base. Review this product Submit a review and then enter to win a $500 rewards card Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker Reviews Average Customer Review: 1 people say: Review this product: Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences about this product. Please be sure to focus your comments on the product itself. Read our Review Guidelines for more information. Review title * Email Your email won't be visible. Please use the email address that is associated with your order. Display name (e.g., JohnD) Your review will be signed using the display name and location * Your location (e.g., Charlottesville, VA) * Your rating Click on a star to rate the overall product on a scale of 1-5 1500 characters left * Your review Attach a YouTube Review Crutchfield Video Review Guidelines Only submit videos that you made or are authorized to use. Do not submit videos that contain music, video or visuals that are copyrighted and belong to someone else. Please see our Review Guidelines for more information. Submit the URL of your YouTube™ video review or product demonstration. e.g., "http://www.youtube.com/v/o79TWHh598U" 500 characters left Pros 500 characters left Cons * Agree to Terms By checking this box you agree your review becomes the property of Crutchfield, that you are over 18 years of age, that you own or have owned this product, and that you are located within the United States or its territories. Please see our Review Guidelines for more information. We reserve the right (but are not obligated to) review all submissions and edit or remove any review in any manner which we deem necessary. Your review should be posted within seven days. Filter by rating: 5 Star: (0) 4 Star: (0) 3 Star: (0) 2 Star: (0) 1 Star: (0) 5 out of 5 Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker Written By Angela, Miami,Fl on Friday, February 18, 2011 Crutchfield Customer Review (What's this?) I purchased 2 of the XTR50 speakers to go on both sides of my flat screen TV and not only are the speakers perect for mounting but the sound and the clearness of them are excellent. Granted they are very costly but after hearing it and the the look of the set up, I am very pleased. The speakers come with very nice stands or a template to mount with the mounting bracket. Instalation was very easy. Only wish they could of made them wireless as it is hard to hide wires, especially after Tv has been installed. Overall the speakers are the best quality ive heard so far and along with the subwoofer cubes, you cant get a better sound. 15 out of 18 people found this helpful Was this review helpful? Yes | No Add accessories for the Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker Add Accessories Cut just the right length of speaker wire for your needs. See all categories & accessories Cut just the right length of speaker wire for your needs. Speaker Wire without Connectors Have your new speakers installed by qualified professionals. Professional Installation Complete your home theater speaker system with these voice-matched speakers that deliver enveloping surround sound effects. Surround (Rear) Speakers Complete your home theater experience with a powered subwoofer for deep bass and powerful low-frequency effects that draw you into the action. Powered Subwoofers AudioQuest X2 Speaker Cable 14-gauge cable, connectors optional (30 feet, Gray) Options 30 feet, Gray-$58.99 30 feet, White-$58.99 50 feet, Gray-$94.99 50 feet, White-$94.99 14-gauge cable, connectors optional (30 feet, Gray) 14-gauge cable, connectors optional (30 feet, White) 14-gauge cable, connectors optional (50 feet, Gray) 14-gauge cable, connectors optional (50 feet, White) 25 people say Your Price: $58.99 Add to Cart AudioQuest G2 Speaker Cable 16-gauge cable, connectors optional (30 feet, Gray) Options 30 feet, Gray-$38.99 30 feet, White-$38.99 50 feet, Gray-$64.99 50 feet, White-$64.99 16-gauge cable, connectors optional (30 feet, Gray) 16-gauge cable, connectors optional (30 feet, White) 16-gauge cable, connectors optional (50 feet, Gray) 16-gauge cable, connectors optional (50 feet, White) 19 people say Your Price: $38.99 Add to Cart Monster XPHP MKII Speaker cable with clear jacket (100 feet) Options 100 feet-$99.95 50 feet-$49.95 Speaker cable with clear jacket (100 feet) Speaker cable with clear jacket (50 feet) 8 people say Your Price: $99.95 Add to Cart Monster XP® Speaker cable with clear jacket, connectors optional (100 feet) Options 20 feet-$19.95 30 feet-$24.95 50 feet-$34.95 100 feet-$64.95 Speaker cable with clear jacket, connectors optional (20 feet) Speaker cable with clear jacket, connectors optional (30 feet) Speaker cable with clear jacket, connectors optional (50 feet) Speaker cable with clear jacket, connectors optional (100 feet) 50 people say Your Price: $64.95 Add to Cart Monster XP® Navajo White MkII Speaker cable (50 feet) 2 people say Your Price: $39.95 Add to Cart Deluxe Audio + Video Component Installation 4 people say Your Price: $139.99 Add to Cart Premium 5-Speaker Home Theater Installation 4 people say Your Price: $369.99 Add to Cart Premium 2-Speaker Home Theater Installation 1 person says Your Price: $239.99 Add to Cart Premium 7-Speaker Home Theater Installation Your Price: $419.99 Add to Cart Premium 6-Speaker Home Theater Installation Your Price: $379.99 Add to Cart Definitive Technology XTR®-20BP Ultra-thin bi-polar surround speaker 1 person says Your Price: $279.00 Add to Cart Definitive Technology ProSub 800 Powered subwoofer (Black) 29 people say Your Price: $399.00 Add to Cart Definitive Technology SuperCube 2000 Ultra-compact powered subwoofer for home theater 7 people say Your Price: $499.00After $100.00 Savings Add to Cart Why choose SquareTrade? The #1-Rated Protection Plan Thousands of people have reviewed SquareTrade Protection Plans — and made us #1. 5-Day Service Guarantee & Free Shipping We'll repair or replace your item in five business days or less after we've received it, or your plan is free. And, as always, we pay for all shipping. Protection from Normal, Everyday Use Repairing your average mechanical or electrical failure can cost as much as buying a new device. With SquareTrade, you're covered — including parts and labor. For a more in-depth review and enhanced detailed information on the Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker, please visit the Crutchfield website product page (/ISEO-rccbcspd/p_735XTR50/Definitive-Technology-Mythos-XTR-50-Wallspeaker.html ). Find the gear that's right for you Ask an expert Your Crutchfield Advisor knows the gear inside and out. Call 1.888.955.6000 Email Compare with other Definitive Technology models Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 WallspeakerGet the original XTR speaker 5 out of 5: In StockThe Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker adds two more passive radiators to produce bass down to 92 Hz measures 27" long, making it a better match for TVs 50" & up comes with a glass stand for easy vertical tabletop placement View All Product Information$699.00Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-40 WallspeakerUltra-thin Speaker for Flat-panel TV In StockThe Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-40 Wallspeaker offers: measures just 1-1/2" deep ideal match for ultra-thin TVs 40" & updesigned as a left, right, or center channel speaker with on-wall placementfrequency response 100-30,000 HzView All Product Information$499.00Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-60 WallspeakerEnjoy even bigger sound 5 out of 5: In StockThe Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-60 Wallspeaker adds two more aluminum dome drivers for powerful bass down to 70 Hz measures 32" long, making it a better match for larger TVs View All Product Information$899.00Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 WallspeakerUltra-thin Speaker for Flat-panel TV 5 out of 5: In StockThe Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker offers: measures just 1-1/2" deep ideal match for ultra-thin TVs 50" & updesigned as a left, right, or center channel speaker with on-wall or on-shelf placementfrequency response 92-30,000 HzView All Product Information$699.00Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-60 WallspeakerUltra-thin Speaker for Flat-panel TV 5 out of 5: In StockThe Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-60 Wallspeaker offers: measures just 1-1/2" deep ideal match for ultra-thin TVs 60" & updesigned as a left, right, or center channel speaker with on-wall or on-shelf placementfrequency response 70-30,000 HzView All Product Information$899.00 Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-40 WallspeakerCompare with $499.00 You are hereDefinitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 WallspeakerCompare with $699.00 Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-60 WallspeakerGet details $899.00 × Front Back Back Back Back Grille off Profile measures just 1-1/2" deep Three shown (TV not included) Top Searches related to the Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker Ultra-thin multi-purpose home theater speaker Definitive Technology Definitive Technology Custom Flat-panel TV Speakers Best Custom Flat-panel TV Speakers Custom Flat-panel TV Speakers under $700 Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-50 Wallspeaker reviews Definitive Technology Mythos XTR®-60 Wallspeaker reviews


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Cable vs. Satellite
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If cable TV in Valleyford, WA is something you are considering, here are our favorite reasons for it. Cable offers hundreds of HD channels that won't break up in bad weather and are available whenever you want. Cable gives you all your local programming, which not all providers do, in addition to great TV shows, movies and On Demand entertainment. Because it requires less equipment than satellite, Cable TV is easier to install and better value. Most providers offer free DVRs and Internet bundles, which save their customers an estimated $400 every year. Plus cable is:
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How Valleyford, WA Watches TV
If you thirst for cable TV knowledge, we can help. CableTV.com has cold-filtered cable data on tap and ready for consumption. Try this (it's on the house): almost everyone, or 97% of Americans, watches television as it is aired and roughly 33% of those TV viewers have at least four televisions in their homes. Upwards of 50% of people also stream video content online. Among those with cable TV, almost three-fourths bundle their service with high-speed Internet. Cable's ubiquitous national presence also helps explain how DVRs account for about 7% of America's total TV viewing.
All those stats mean that if you don't own at least one TV for every room in your house, chances are your neighbor to the left or right of you does. It also means that almost everyone you meet today will watch a TV tonight, and 57% of them will use either their DVR or their Internet to do so.
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Cable providers have so much more to offer than TV. That is why so many Valleyford residents bundle cable services. Cable Internet is faster than most DSL services, providing downstream speeds 25%-100% faster than the national average. People who choose cable bundles also save money, roughly $400 every year they bundle TV and Internet. Both are very good explanations why cable Internet subscribers represent 32% of households, and how broadband penetration in Washington grew to 77% by 2010. Enter your zip code to find out more about cable Internet, bundles and providers in Valleyford.
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We're willing to bet that Valleyford, WA likes Jensen Ackles. He began his acting career in 1996 with roles in various TV programs. From 1998 - 2002, he portrayed Eric Brady on NBC's "Days of Our Lives." Ackles had recurring roles in two popular TV series, "Dark Angel" and "Smallville." Jensen currently plays Dean Winchester in the otherworldly and oft times tongue-in-check CW series "Supernatural." Ackles plays opposite Jared Padalecki who portrays his brother, Sam. Both are fighting evil forces from heaven and hell. Check out all the action on the WB with cable TV.
Find Cable TV in Valleyford
Hopefully all this has helped you realize that we know cable like Maverick and Iceman know fighter jets. That's why we can connect you with the right cable service, which isn't as arrogant as it sounds. Cable service is typically limited to one provider in each geographical region; local government licenses the ability for providers to give cable service in your area. These regions usually only allow one provider, so enter your zip code above to find the nearest cable provider in Valleyford.


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Editorial: The next superintendent
Members of the Rowan-Salisbury Board of Education face an opportunity this year to establish their legacy, and it does not involve building a central office. With Dr. Judy Grissom retiring in September, the board can choose a new superintendent who will set the tone for not only the school system's future, but also the county's.
That's all the more reason for the board to conduct a genuine search that gives employees and the public a voice in the process.
The "search" did not go that way in 2005 when the board recruited Grissom. A former associate superintendent here, Grissom had worked in Rowan schools from 1981 to 1995. Some people believed she should have risen to superintendent then, but Dr. Joe McCann got the post and eliminated Grissom's position. She graciously moved on. By the time McCann's successor, Dr. Wiley Doby resigned, Bryce Beard was chairman of the school board. He and most of his fellow board members knew exactly whom they wanted to hire — Grissom, then an associate superintendent in Alamance County but still living in Rowan. Even as they talked publicly about conducting a search, they were moving swiftly behind the scenes to negotiate a contract with Grissom.
That questionable process aside, Grissom was a popular choice with the public, too. Heading the Rowan-Salisbury schools felt like a homecoming for her. Experienced educators were heartened by the leadership of someone who was rooted in the community and understood the challenges they faced day in and day out. For many, she was the right person at the right time.
Eight years later, the school system is in a different place, and so is the community. Public education has come under political fire, and the schools appear vulnerable. Despite gains in many areas, some schools struggle to raise test scores. The recession has exacerbated disadvantages.
Our schools need a superintendent who can confront problems head-on, take criticism in stride, lead in a spirit of collaboration and be a high-profile advocate for public education in Rowan County.
Chairman Richard Miller says the school board will work with the N.C. School Boards Association to find Grissom's successor, and there's no reason to doubt him. A genuine, thorough search is in order. And while high-level candidates often want confidentiality, the board has to weigh that against the extremely public role this person must fill. Involving the public in the hiring process can include everything from prioritizing the strengths the next superintendent should have to bringing in finalists for forums or committee interviews. Citizens can play a valuable role.
"Any area that can solve its educational challenges can write their own economic ticket," Wells Fargo economist Mark Vitner once said here. Rowan County would like to write that ticket. A new superintendent can't transform the community singlehandedly, but the right person could help the community own up to its educational challenges and move forward.


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Get ready to knock one out of the park for your Red Sox pride when you step up to the plate sporting this Majestic 2013 World Series Champs Batting Practice performance jersey! The same style worn by your favorite player, this Dustin Pedroia jersey proudly displays tackle twill team graphics on the chest, a World Series Champs patch on the sleeve, and Pedroia's name and number on the back. It offers Cool Base technology to wick moisture away from your skin and keep you cool, dry and performing at your peak. In short, this jersey will let you shine as a display of Boston's impressive bragging rights.
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Hello once again
Have been pondering about a CSC for a few weeks now. Had my eye on a GF3 and now that a newer model has been lauched I am wondering if its worth getting one.
I have noticed that prices have fallen and Panasonic are offering a cashback. So is it worth me taking the plunge and buying an older model ?????
Not sure what lens would suit me best thats why the twin lens bundle in Jessops caught my eye.
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When you think of vows, what comes to mind? Is it when a wife commits to stand by her terminally-ill husband? When a husband determines to provide for his family no matter how hard life gets? Or when a man and woman vow to stick together "'til death do us part?"
Vows like these are seen positively, as a God-given privilege, and are something most singles long for. However, not all vows are positive. In fact, some can sabotage romantic love and hinder singles from making it the wedding altar.
I once struck up a conversation with a bubbly, twenty-something waitress who reminded me how devastating some vows can be. After chatting for a few moments, I asked, "Are you married?" She rolled her eyes and dramatically responded, "Oh, no! Been there, done that. Never doing it again!"
I'm sure her smile would have convinced a casual onlooker that she wasn't bothered by her past divorce, but I knew otherwise. Why? Because a heart that is unbroken and healthy has no need to make vows for self-protection.
After speaking with this young woman, I remembered that my story is not so different.
Devastated from a broken relationship that I thought was headed toward the altar, I lay in bed and cried until I hyperventilated. My sobs became a wail that catapulted toward heaven and then seemed to hit the ceiling. "God, do You even hear me?" Then I uttered a phrase that changed my life for the next eight years—"I'm never allowing any man to get close to me again!" Like this young waitress, I didn't think that I could handle another heartbreak, so I made a vow for self-protection.
Many years later, I realized that my vow did in fact guarantee that I wouldn't feel the devastation of a broken heart, but it also guaranteed that I would never experience the joy of God-given love again—because self-protective hearts can't love.
The American Heritage Dictionary defines a vow as an "earnest promise that binds one to a specific mode of behavior." I thought the vow I made protected me when in reality it was binding me. Like a rope that strangles, it tied itself around my heart so I couldn't give or receive love. My heart just felt numb.
Can you relate? Perhaps like me, you've known something is preventing you from experiencing the intimacy you desire, but you haven't been able to identify why. Perhaps a vow is at the root of your romantic woes.
If you can relate to what I've said, you might be wondering, What are the characteristics of an unhealthy vow and how can I overcome it if I've made one?
If I could speak with my waitress friend again and ask her why she vowed to never remarry, perhaps she'd tell me that she believes all men are liars, that she couldn't handle another heartbreak or doesn't think she's good marriage material.
Then, if I compared her response to the truth in God's Word, I could prove that each of her statements is a lie that she has embraced. This isn't surprising. Why? Because when we make vows after heartbreak for self-protection, deception is always a part of our story. Broken down into an equation, the recipe for a vow is:
Disappointment and a broken heart + deception=a vow.
If God is showing you that you've made an unhealthy vow after romantic heartbreak, the first step to overcome it is to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the lies you've believed that led you to make the vow. Once this is accomplished, ask God to show you the truth in His Word to counteract the lie. Then, pray and confess His truth. I often find that speaking the truth out loud is powerful because faith comes through hearing God's Word (Romans 10:17).
My good friend, Kathleen, lived a portion of her young life on the street and in foster families. Without the steady presence of a loving mother and father, orphan mentality became a way of life for her. One day, as we chatted over coffee, she said, "I realized no one was going to take care of me, so I would have to take care of myself."
For Kathleen, making a vow was directly related to feeling like an orphan—and that's exactly how we can feel about God after a romantic breakup. Why? There are several reasons, but one is that we often pray diligently about finding "the one." And when it doesn't happen, we can feel ignored, abandoned or orphaned by God. And, if He doesn't care about our personal lives, then we'll just have to take care of ourselves by making a vow, right?
A second step to overcoming unhealthy vows is to reject the idea that God has abandoned you. Choose to trust that He has never left you, just as He promised (Hebrews 13:5). Acknowledge His love and ask Him if you have believed any lies about His presence in your life. Again, confess the truth and accept it.
Making a vow is like slapping a hand over a bloody bullet wound and telling the surgeon, "No, I can take care of it myself." As a result the Great Physician is not allowed into the place that hurts. In order to recover from heartbreak and overcome any vows you have made, vulnerability with God is always necessary.
Some people have a difficult time getting real with God. If you struggle with sharing your true emotions with Him, remember that He knows how you feel anyway, so you might as well tell Him everything. This is the third step in overcoming vows. Take your emotional pain to God and invite Him into it. You can trust Him and He wants you to cast your cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7).
My journey from making a vow to never love again and experiencing the freedom of heart I know now didn't happen overnight. Instead, it was a gradual process as God revealed the lies I'd believed. Like peeling an onion, it happened in layers rather than in an instant. I can't tell you how many times I prayed and asked God to change my heart and to teach me how to love.
One day, He spoke to my spirit and gave me Ezekiel 36:26 as a promise: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." True to His promises, He has done that very thing. I'm confident that He wants to do the same for you. I encourage you to hang in there with Him, and if you need to, speak with a professional counselor to help you unravel the lies you've believed so that God can give you the desires of your heart.
I once chatted with a 36-year-old man on the Internet who asked if I would like to see his requirements for a mate and marriage. "Sure," I typed. "Send them over." His request was curious, but I was amused when I received his list for the perfect wife.
His criteria for marriage were included in approximately eight e-mails with three to four attachments each. He'd also written an essay describing his perfect mate. She must home school their children, be attractive, trim and of average height and weight, debt-free, never married, a virgin, she must never have had any venereal diseases and she must be able to give him "wild sex" whenever he asked. Most of all, she must be submissive like his pastor instructed him.
Within minutes after reading his list, my "abusive man" detector started blinking wildly. But just to make sure that my suspicions were correct, I asked him a few questions.
I discovered that he grew up in a home with an overbearing father who was a perfectionist and a competitive mother who threw things when she was angry and who "was not submissive enough." He said his parents showed him love by teaching him how to succeed (or, in other words, to be perfect). The wild thing was that he saw nothing wrong with his requirements and even stated that he had once struggled with perfectionism, but had overcome it.
I decided to run like the wind.
Why? Because even though some of this man's standards are godly (he even said he thought a man should save $25,000 before marrying to provide for his family) his rigid rules, with an inability to extend grace, signaled potential control and abuse. His list reminds me of something author Patricia Evans wrote.
In The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Evans says that an abusive man creates an ideal world that does not exist by forming an image of the perfect woman. But when his love interest shows flaws that reveal she is human, he becomes angry because she does not meet his expectations.
I wish it were always as easy to recognize a potential abuser like this man. However, it's not always simple because: A) We've not been taught what red abuse flags to look for, B) Emotional and verbal abuses are often more difficult to identify than blatant physical abuse , and C) When you're in an abusive relationship, confusion reigns, so it can be difficult to see if you're date is abusive.
My prayer is that through this article you'll recognize characteristics of an abuser so that you can get help for your current relationship or avoid abuse in the future.
Even though so far I've focused on men, let me say that women can also be abusive. Just yesterday I chatted with a man in his 40s who stated that he is "hiding in an undisclosed location" to get away from an abusive woman. Given the right deadly cocktail of negative family influences and low self-esteem problems, anyone can be abusive, whether they are male or female.
Perhaps you're wondering how you can spot an abuser and may even be concerned that you are involved with one. Here are some questions from Education Wife Assault to ask yourself about your relationship. If you answer yes to any of these questions, I encourage you to speak with a counselor or trusted friend.
If after taking this quiz you're convinced that you're involved with someone who is abusive, the main thing to realize is that regardless of what your significant other has told you, you are not responsible for their behavior. Abusers are skilled at twisting the truth to make you feel like you are the one with the problems and that you are going crazy. Remember, you are not to blame.
Second, recognize that you cannot change your date no matter how good or kind you are.
Third, you'll need to speak with someone about your relationship. Abused victims are often afraid to speak out about their abuser because they feel that they must protect their date or mate even if he or she is in the wrong. However, you must seek help. You can contact Focus on the Family at 1-800-A-FAMILY to speak with a licensed counselor and receive a free counseling referral for your area. Or, you may contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
Lastly, remember that you are valuable and God has created you to be honored.
When Cindy met Rob, she knew that even though he attended church, he didn't share her convictions about premarital sex. Rob thought it was OK—and even good for dating couples to engage in—and Cindy believed it was wrong from a Christian perspective.
As their friendship progressed, Cindy and Rob's opposing viewpoints caused some hot debates. It also forced them both to take a second look at their convictions. As a result, Cindy developed a deeper understanding of truth, and Rob was forced to face the lies he'd always believed.
If you're like Cindy or Rob, and you've taken a stand for (or against) premarital sex, but you're not sure why, here are some things to consider.
Like many singles, Rob thinks the Scriptures on sexual purity are outdated and archaic. "Those parts of the Bible aren't relevant to today," he told Cindy. "After all, when the Scriptures were written, the people during that time got married when they were teens; so they didn't have to struggle with sexual temptation like we do now."
In response to Rob's argument, Cindy found Scriptures about sexual purity and showed them to him. When Cindy read 1 Corinthians 6:9, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Galatians 5:19, Hebrews 13:4 and Deuteronomy 22:13-28, all which condemn sex before marriage, she asked Rob, "Are these Scriptures relevant to today?" "Nope," Rob responded.
"Do you have a pair of scissors?" Cindy asked.
"Because I think we should cut those Scriptures out. After all, if they're not true because people can't control their desires, why not completely eliminate them? After all, we can just pick and choose the parts of Scripture that we want to believe on sexual purity, right? Give me your scissors," she said.
"You're crazy," Rob responded.
Crazy or not, Cindy had made her point—there are holes in Rob's it's-not-true-because-people-can't-control-their-desires theology. Why? Because, if his beliefs were based on truth, they would stand up in every circumstance, but they don't.
For example, if sex before marriage is okay because people supposedly can't control themselves, then it must be okay to engage in pornography, too, right? After all, the temptation to watch and participate in porn abounds like it didn't in Bible times.
Not surprisingly, when Cindy asked Rob if it was OK to engage in pornography, his theology changed. "Pornography isn't okay because it's damaging to the people who are doing it, and it's not very Christian."
Why does Rob have a schizophrenic view of purity and of the Bible's commandments?
Additionally, if scriptures in the Bible became untrue because people can't control their desires, then we'd also have to cut out the commandments on stealing, lying, cheating and having affairs.
Sure enough, there are holes in Rob's sex-before-marriage theology, just like there would be holes in his Bible if Cindy cut it up.
During their discussions about premarital sex, Rob insisted that it was good to engage in sex with a dating partner because "it brings you closer."
Cindy believes that this is true, and not true. On one hand, the Bible says that sex causes "two people to become one." Therefore, it's more than just a physical act, it's also a spiritual encounter (Mark 10:6-9).
Additionally, Dr. Patricia Love, the author of The Truth About Love, writes that a feeling of intimacy is created by a "chemical cocktail" that is produced in the brain during sex and stays with each person for up to 24 hours after intercourse. Perhaps this physiological bonding is what Rob was referring to.
On the flip side, having sex is no guarantee that the deep emotional intimacy that everyone longs for will develop.
Alice Fryling, in an article titled, Why Wait for Sex? writes:
"Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate."
"Genital sex is an expression of intimacy, not the means to intimacy. True intimacy springs from verbal and emotional communion. True intimacy is built on a commitment to honesty, love and freedom. True intimacy is not primarily a sexual encounter. Intimacy, in fact, has almost nothing to do with our sex organs. A prostitute may expose her body, but her relationships are hardly intimate."
Some experts even report that premarital sex short circuits the emotional bonding process. Donald Joy, a writer for Christianity Today, cited a study of 100,000 women that linked "early sexual experience with dissatisfaction in their present marriages, unhappiness with the level of sexual intimacy and the prevalence of low self-esteem."
So what does this mean? If Rob tries to convince Cindy, or any woman, that sex will actually help their relationship, she might want to think again before consenting. While premarital sex does produce a short-lived chemical cocktail in the brain, there is no guarantee that it will produce long-term emotional closeness or relational satisfaction.
Rob told Cindy he felt it was unreasonable to expect him to abstain from sex before marriage because no one would buy a car without test driving it; so he couldn't imagine committing to marriage without taking a "sex test drive."
When Cindy suggested to Rob that his "test drive" mentality could lead him to compare his wife's sexual performance with his other partners, he denied it. "No, I wouldn't," he adamantly said.
However, his logic is faulty. Here's why: If it was true that Rob wouldn't struggle with comparison, why would he need to "test drive" anything? After all, if he'd never had multiple partners, he would automatically think his wife the best. For example, the man who hasn't ever seen or driven more than one car doesn't know what other cars are like; therefore he would be satisfied with his automobile.
Partners can also feel threatened if they think their mate could be comparing them with previous partners.
When Cindy randomly asked 10 women at work if they would be worried that their husband was comparing them if he'd had intercourse with multiple women before marriage, 80 percent of them said yes.
This provides a strong argument to abstain from sex before marriage to protect the emotional safety that your spouse will need to feel in marriage.
Perhaps you're asking, "What if, like Rob, I'm guilty of sexual sin?"
The first thing to remember is that no sexual sin is beyond God's forgiveness. Thankfully, He doesn't withhold forgiveness or grace from those who ask for it.I John 1:9 promises that if you confess your sins, that He is faithful to forgive and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Note: This includes all sin, and does not exclude sexual sin. Psalm 103: 12 also promises, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions [sins] from us."
In addition to forgiveness, God wants you to embrace His grace that will help you move forward in life and embrace the promises He has for you with joy. In spite of your choices, God wants to bring you relational fulfillment.
After author C.S. Lewis lost his beloved wife to cancer, he wrote in A Grief Observed, "Grief and pain are the price humans have to pay for the love and total commitment we have for another person. The more we love, the more we hurt when we lose the object of our love. But if we are honest with ourselves, would we have it any other way?"
Perhaps you've experienced romantic heartbreak, and as Lewis suggests, you've asked yourself if you would have it another way. And without hesitation you've answered, "Yes, I would. In fact, I feel so devastated by the grief of lost love that I'm determined to avoid it at all costs in the future."
Certainly, losing a special person can feel unbearable. The good news is that God wants to bring you comfort and help you embrace romantic grief, rather than run from it, so you can love again without fear.
Some things in life are certain: taxes are due on April 15, everyone will eventually die and all love ends in pain. Think about it. No matter why we experience romantic grief, heartbreak is always the result, sometimes because of divorce, sometimes because of death and others due to breakup. Sound negative? Not really.
When we accept the reality of heartbreak, it can open our hearts to love, rather than keep us from it. Here's why: If we are afraid of getting hurt and insist on arranging our lives to avoid romantic grief, we forfeit the chance to love because, as Lewis stated, grief and pain are always love's price tags. On the flip side, when we accept the inevitability of heartbreak, we are one step closer to developing the courage it takes to love, no matter the cost.
I recently visited a blog written by a man named Tom who lost his wife to breast cancer. While reading his thoughts, I was moved because Tom understands the need for courage to embrace love.
"My love for her will never fade," he writes. "[It] was a love of devotion with no conditional boundaries. I would marry her all over again if I knew we had to face the adversity of breast cancer."
Because Tom knows that God is "near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit," (Psalm 34:18) he is willing to travel the difficult road to experience the gift of love, in spite of the cost.
I once heard a story of a boy who was getting beat up daily by the school bully. Day after day, the bully attacked him on the playground; and day after day, the boy walked home overcome with self-pity and defeat.
Then one day, his father gave him permission to beat up the bully.
"The next time he comes at you, beat the pulp out of him," the father said.
With new confidence, the boy walked to school the next day, and waited in anticipation until the last school bell rang. Then he ran onto the playground to face his enemy. When the bully came toward him, rather than cower or flee, he fought back.
Not surprisingly, the bully never bothered him again.
I know a woman who often says, "I won't be able to handle it if I get my heart broken one more time." Unfortunately, she believes that grief is like this bully who is going to beat her heart to a pulp, and that she'll be trapped by grief forever. Unfortunately, she has not grasped the truth that her Father has given her permission to beat up the bully of grief.
Granted, facing romantic grief doesn't mean that we beat it up one day and move on the next. Instead, it's a process of healing. But in the end, God has granted us the certainty of winning the war against grief and helping us regain the courage to love. His desire is never that we stay stuck in emotional pain and become paralyzed by relational fears.
Sometimes when we're in emotional pain, we can feel like God has deserted us and doesn't notice our grief. In his book, Lewis also wrote about his wife's passing:
"Meanwhile, where is God? …A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence…There are no lights in the windows….Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble?"
Certainly, we've all felt at times that God seems distant during heartache. However, to face grief successfully and love again, we need to consider God, not in light of our emotions, but in the light of His truth.
In Psalm 10:1, Asaph knew what it was like to live by his feelings when, like Lewis, he asked, "O Lord, why do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?"
Thankfully, Asaph didn't get stuck in grief through unbelief. Even though he wondered where God was in verse 10:1, by the time he came to verse 14, he embraced the truth when he wrote, "But you, O God do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand."
The word "grief" in this passage is the word ka'as in Hebrew. The amazing part of this word is that the most nominal forms of it involve the trouble which man causes triggering hurt feelings. Guaranteed, if you're experiencing romantic heartbreak, you're experiencing a whole lot more than just a few hurt feelings! It's comforting to know that according to ka'as, God notices all your heartache, overwhelming or not.
If you feel that you're swimming in a sea romantic grief, remember that no matter how insignificant you think your pain is to God, He notices. Not only that, but He has considered it to do something about it.
You might be wondering how you can tell if you've moved through grief to embrace love again. One sign is gratitude. When we're grateful for the good that was given to us from God in our past relationship, we can be confident that emotional healing has happened. And when our desire to embrace the future overshadows our desire to hold onto the past, we know that we have said good-bye with grace. When we believe that God can fill our hands and heart with mutual love again, we know we have grieved well and that we have entrusted our heartache to Him. When we can thank God for the part others have played in our lives, we can be confident we have been enhanced by knowing them—and we're ready to embrace love again.
Have you ever wondered how romantic regret can haunt some people their entire lives?
I recently thought about this when I watched a film about an elderly woman who was on her death bed. While her daughters stood nearby, she talked in her sleep, dreamt of her youth and murmured about a young man named Harris. She later confessed to her children that he was the only man she ever loved, which is why she believed it was her life's most tragic mistake when she lost him.
After almost 90 minutes of bouncing between scenes from the past and the present, the woman finally made peace with her romantic choices. She accepted that perhaps she hadn't made a mistake after all, and that all things had worked out well, even though she had loved and lost.
I wish all stories of romantic regret ended so happily. Unfortunately, not everyone comes to grip with their past. Like the woman in the film, we can experience regret because we feel we missed an opportunity with someone special, or because we dated someone for the wrong reasons, communicated poorly, were unfaithful to our mate or a host of other reasons.
Unfortunately, like the woman in the film, some people carry romantic regret far too long, but God wants to give us freedom in our emotions from the pain of the past, no matter the reason.
So if romantic regret haunts you, what should you do?
In my past, at Point A of a potential relationship, (he had called me once and we scheduled to meet for the first time for coffee), in my mind I was already at Point Z (I'd met his mother, birthed his babies and started folding his underwear). And in 3.5 seconds flat, I discovered numerous reasons why the relationship wouldn't work. I would begin to panic. What if we don't get along because I'm right-brained and he's left? What if he doesn't like the way I do laundry or what if thinks I need to earn more money? Like my mother says, I "made mountains out of molehills," and reacted based on information I didn't even have, and I let my "what ifs" carry me to the edge of insanity. In Scripture, Paul describes my response as a "vain imagination" (2 Corinthians 10:5).The word vain means "empty," because these thoughts are not based in truth.
Not only can we experience vain imaginations and ask too many "what if" questions about a potential mate or date, but also about our romantic past. In fact, we can hypothesize so much about what might have been that we can become depressed and filled with regret.
So, what's the answer for fighting thoughts like these that "raise themselves up against the knowledge of God?" (2 Corinthians 10:5). We have to take them captive (stop them dead in their tracks) then redirect our minds to embrace God's truth—that He loves us, has always been in control of our lives and that He has good plans for our future (Jeremiah 29:11). This means that we have to toss aside any hypothetical possibilities that we have no answers for and keep our eyes on Christ, trust in His sovereignty and embrace His forgiveness.
Last Christmas, I traveled home to visit my family. A few days after I arrived, Mom told me that she had seen my old boyfriend and his wife at church with their children. The next day, she invited me to attend a candlelight service at the same church. As I held my burning candle and sang "Silent Night," fresh grief of romantic regret unexpectedly filled my heart and tears filled my eyes. I thought I had put those old memories behind me, but knowing my mother had seen him there, and still being single during yet another Christmas ushered in new emotional pain.
The next day, I questioned my decision to end the relationship with a man I loved that could have led to marriage. Once again, I doubted God's involvement during that troubling time in college. But then I remembered how I had prayed to make the right choice. I prayed and prayed and prayed if I should break up with him. I asked for God's guidance over and over. I desperately wanted to do His will, I thought.
When I remembered how much I had prayed, I decided that I had to believe He was with me during that time even if I didn't handle the situation perfectly. God doesn't ignore those He loves when they ask for help.
These thoughts led me to my Bible where I studied about His sovereignty and control over all things. I found Proverbs 16:1 which says, "The plans of the heart belong to the man [or woman], But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD."
I discovered that the Hebrew verb "plans" also means "to prepare or arrange." I had tried to arrange and plan my life the best I could by ending a relationship I wasn't certain about. Later, when I felt I'd made a mistake, regret consumed me. During Christmas when I considered this Scripture, I realized that no matter what my plans were, God had to sign off on them. Therefore, the outcome could have been different. My boyfriend could have chosen to renew a relationship with me, and God could have prevented him from meeting his wife—but He didn't. I chose once again to trust that God was intimately involved in my life in college, and that He also has good things planned for my future (1 Corinthians 2:9).
Sometimes we can become stuck in relational regret because we sinned against someone and we wonder if God will forgive us. Or perhaps we were unfaithful to someone who loved us, we committed adultery or have been promiscuous. Thankfully, God is not stingy with forgiveness.
God's tender forgiveness and grace is shown in the story of Peter's betrayal of Christ (Matthew 26:69-75). After Peter denied Christ, and Jesus was raised from the dead, two angels appeared to Mary Magdalene, Joanna and Mary, the mother of Jesus. Thankfully, the angels didn't just instruct the women to tell the disciples the good news. Instead, they told them to "go tell the disciples and Peter" (Mark 16:7).
God knew Peter was suffering from regret so he sent a special invite to him. It was as if God was saying, "Peter, it doesn't matter what you've done. Even if you've denied me, you're forgiven."
God extends the same grace and forgiveness to us if we've made poor decisions in romantic relationships. Even if we have not obeyed Him, He wants us to know the freedom that comes from forgiveness and grace so we can move forward in hope like Peter.
Can you imagine how Peter's life would have turned out if he hadn't embraced the forgiveness of Christ? He would not have become a writer of the New Testament. And rather than being a bold witness for God, he would have wallowed in self-pity and regret. In short, he would have missed his calling.
Accepting forgiveness for any sin we've committed is necessary to move into the future with hope. Remember that Satan wants to keep you chained to the past in regret to prevent you from fulfilling God's plan for your life.
Jennifer is a single woman who recently divorced. Even though she has decided to wait a few years until her daughter is grown to reenter the dating scene, she's confused about how to proceed. "When Madaline is out of the house I want to date, but I don't know how."
Samantha has been divorced for only a year, but would like to start dating again even though her two boys are still in elementary school. Like Jennifer, she needs some advice but is concerned about how she can make the transition into dating easy on her children.
John is separated from his wife. He'd like to date again, and some of his friends say he should start looking for a woman now – after all, he's getting divorced soon. But John knows better because he's still married, and dating now would go against God's desires.
Jennifer's, Samantha's and John's concerns are common, because according to the U.S. Census Bureau, 19.3 million Americans get divorced each year, and many of them date and eventually remarry.
Perhaps you share their concerns, as you're also wondering how you can reenter the dating world after divorce – and do so according to God's standards. Here are four practical ideas.
Divorce is the death of the dreams you had when you committed yourself "for better or for worse." As a Christian, you can't simply separate from your spouse one day and hit the dating field the next. And as with any loss, big or small, time is needed to grieve and to reassess who you are, where you've been and where God wants you to go. Healing is also necessary to follow God's command to" do unto others what you would have them do unto you," (Matthew 7:12). If you start dating prematurely, you could be hurting – rather than honoring – those you date.
When Becky was invited to lunch by a man she met at a bookstore, she was excited. She was ready to date and had taken time to seek God and heal after her divorce three years earlier. She thought her lunch date had done the same, but she quickly discovered otherwise. Instead, he was still drowning in grief. During their lunch, his eyes filled with tears and anguish. When Becky asked him how long he'd been divorced, he admitted that it wasn't final yet, that he was living in the basement of the home that he and his wife shared, and that they'd only been separated for three weeks.
Becky gently told her date that he needed to first pursue emotional and spiritual healing. She suggested that he develop relationships with other Christian men for support, rather than seek out women for emotional comfort.
Perhaps you know someone like this man. Understandably, he is lonely. But dating so soon will almost inevitably lead to heartache, since he's neither emotionally nor legally available. And, until he heals, he won't be able to relax and commit his entire heart to his new partner the way God intends.
To begin healing, you'll want to seek counsel from committed Christians who are willing to walk through the grief process with you. This may mean seeking out your pastor for support, joining a Divorce Recovery group or visiting a Christian counselor.
Some divorced church-goers try to convince themselves that God's command to abstain from sex doesn't apply to them – that it's for the never-married crowd. However, Scripture is clear that it doesn't matter if someone has been married or not, sex with someone other than your spouse is still fornication (I Thessalonians 4:3, I Corinthians 6:9).
Don't wait to put some practical boundaries in place, such as not staying at your date's home overnight. You can also establish an accountability group made up of those who know and love you. That way, when you feel tempted, you can call on them for prayer and support.
Be aware that when you commit to remain celibate until you remarry, there may be some people who will try to convince you that you are being unreasonable. If a date pressures you, don't compromise. Instead, run the other direction and resolve to date only fellow believers who share your convictions. The Bible is clear about this: Maintaining your sexual integrity is not optional; neither is getting romantically involved with someone who doesn't share your faith (2 Cor. 6:14). Above all, God wants to come first in all you do (Matthew 6:33).
Sharon has been single for many years. During that time, several men have come and gone from her life. And each new boyfriend has developed a relationship with Sharon's son, Branden. Unfortunately, Branden's father abandoned him, so it's understandable that he longs for a relationship with a father figure. Whenever Sharon meets someone new, she hopes that "this is the one," and Branden does, too. Sadly, when Sharon's relationships don't work out, not only is her heart broken, but so is her son's.
Scripture warns believers to "guard your heart" (Proverbs 4:23). For the single parent, this means that you will have to do some "guarding" for your children by not involving them with your suitors too soon in a relationship. Some people hold off until engagement before introducing their significant other to their kids. (Granted, this can create other complications because you want to know how your children will respond to a potential mate prior to engagement.)
Bryan, a single father of three, always meets his dates on neutral ground with his children, such as at a church picnic or at movie theatre with friends. He never introduces his date as his girlfriend, but a friend. This spares his children from the complicated emotions that will inevitably come with adjusting to a new stepparent prematurely.
After experiencing the comforts of marriage, it can be tempting to settle for less than God's best. You may believe the lie that you'll never find a godly man or woman, that you'll have to accept whoever comes along. One way to avoid the temptation of settling is to know what's acceptable and what's not, to both you and God, before you start looking for love.
This is where slowing down before getting into a serious relationship helps. Not only does going slow give you time to heal, but it also helps you better assess those you date. If you have taken the time to understand yourself and the dynamics that contributed to your divorce, you are more likely to make a godly choice in choosing the second time.
Shortly after Sam divorced, he was desperate to meet a woman and start over. When Ashley showed a strong interest in him, he started spending time with her. She was kind and enjoyed her company – but she didn't share his faith, which was also a problem with his first wife. Unfortunately, Sam ignored God's clear directive in this area, and only after they had dated for several months did he decide to end the relationship. As a result, Ashley's heart was broken, and his was, too. If Sam had taken time to seriously commit his personal life to God, he could have made the choice not to get involved with Ashley in the first place.
If you're contemplating dating someone new, take your time in getting to know them, and if they fall short in one of your major criteria such as faith, children or sex before marriage, make the wise choice early on by saying no to the relationship. Remember, too, that navigating the dating jungle is not easy. But, if you seek God and put Him first, He will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5).
The issue of remarriage after divorce arouses even more controversy, and not all theologians agree. Focus on the Family holds that there are three sets of circumstances under which remarriage appears to be scripturally justified:
1. When the first marriage and divorce occurred prior to salvation. God's promise in 2 Corinthians 5:17 – "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come" (NASB) – applies to divorce as well as all other sins committed in the believer's past.
2. When one's mate is guilty of sexual immorality and is unwilling to repent and live faithfully with the marriage partner. However, we must be careful to not make Jesus' statement to this effect (Matt. 19:9) into a broad, sweeping, simplistic formula. Instead, we must evaluate each case independently, bearing in mind that "immorality" here refers to persistent, unrepentant behavior, and that divorce and remarriage is only an option for the faithful partner – not a command.
3. When an unbelieving mate willfully and permanently deserts a believing partner (I Corinthians 7:15). This does not refer to a temporary departure, but to a permanent abandonment, where there is little or no hope of reviving former commitments and salvaging the relationship.
1. When the first marriage and divorce occurred prior to salvation. God's promise in 2 Corinthians 5:17 – "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come" (NASB) – applies to divorce as well as all other sins committed in the believer's past.
2. When one's mate is guilty of sexual immorality and is unwilling to repent and live faithfully with the marriage partner. However, we must be careful to not make Jesus' statement to this effect (Matt. 19:9) into a broad, sweeping, simplistic formula. Instead, we must evaluate each case independently, bearing in mind that "immorality" here refers to persistent, unrepentant behavior, and that divorce and remarriage is only an option for the faithful partner – not a command.
3. When an unbelieving mate willfully and permanently deserts a believing partner (I Corinthians 7:15). This does not refer to a temporary departure, but to a permanent abandonment, where there is little or no hope of reviving former commitments and salvaging the relationship.
I've heard many times that there are a lot of fish in the sea, or numerous men to date in the world. Certainly, there are innumerable "fish" in cyberspace, where millions of singles converge to meet daily.
Have you ever wondered if there are rules for catching "fish" online? There certainly are. And, I like to think they are similar to the rules for fishing with a worm and a pole. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you travel the ocean of online dating and start fishing for men—or women—online.
"There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue…" (Proverbs 6:17)
Last summer as I boarded my girlfriend's SUV, she announced, "You have to listen to this song. It will make you laugh." She popped in a country music CD and I giggled my way through Cooler Online, a song about a guy who works at Pizza Hut, drives a Hyundai, lives with his mom and dad and is 5'3".
But when he's dating online, his life is another story.
Behind the computer, he's smooth, cool, works in Hollywood, drives a Maserati, has a black belt in karate and probably earns at least six figures.
From a fiction standpoint, this song is hilarious, but from a nonfiction view, it's not funny at all. How many men—or women—have fallen prey to someone on the Internet who has lied about their identity?
This is the first rule for online fishing: Don't use bad bait. Bad bait is anything that fish don't like or goes against God's principles of integrity.
The first type of bad bait is lying, about your age, height, marital status or anything else. Think about it. Would you want to date someone who is dishonest?
A second kind of bad bait is posting pictures that are immodest or using a distasteful screen name. Remember, if you want to catch a date with high morals, you've got to exemplify what you want.
A third type is communicating poorly. Following the ABCs of good grammar and spelling will get you everywhere.
"You shall not commit adultery." (Exodus 20:14)
As a kid, my dad took me to the sporting goods store to purchase my fishing license. I had no idea that I needed permission to put my pole in the water, even if I didn't catch anything. Dad told me that if I fished without a license, he could receive a fine.
Fishing online is much the same—you need permission. And, if you're married or separated, you don't have a license from God. Some people believe that if they are separated, that they are free to date. But if they're not divorced, guess what? They're still married. Some others may think, Well, I'll just get online and look. Remember, that's the way many affairs start—with just one look.
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)
My sister, who loves to fish, has spent considerable time organizing her fishing gear. Why? Because she knows that if her box is a mess, she won't have what she needs to fish well.
In the same way, before you head out to the open ocean of online dating, make sure your emotional and spiritual "toolbox" is in order. If you've had problems with rage, seek counseling before you look for a date or mate. If you have struggled with an addiction that has caused problems in past relationships, ask God and a professional for help. Get healthy, then get serious about dating. It's the best thing for you and for others.
"My dear brothers, as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism." (James 2:1)
During a fishing trip to Texas with my father years ago, we caught more than 100 fish. There was only one problem—only a few of them met the required length for keeping, so we had to throw most of them back.
When you're fishing for men or women online, you obviously won't want to keep every fish because some won't interest you. Your job is to maintain a Christ-like attitude and treat everyone who approaches you with respect. If you don't share their enthusiasm to connect, simply write back and say, "I appreciate your note, but you live too far away," "I'd like to meet someone closer to my age," or "I already have children and I noticed that you don't want to be a stepparent." Short, but polite responses while you're "throwing someone back" are often appreciated.
One of my male friends has made it a goal to respond to everyone who writes him, even if it's just to say, "No thanks." At first he was uncomfortable telling women that he didn't want to correspond, but now he is amazed at how many appreciate his thoughtfulness. After all, everyone who has dated online has been ignored and no one likes it.
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." (Luke 6:31)
When I was fishing with my dad, he was as gentle as possible when he removed the hook from the fish's mouth so that it wouldn't be permanently injured after he threw it back.
In the online dating ocean, use courtesy when you're telling someone you're not interested. After all, you don't want to wrongfully wound them or cause them to have problems in future relationships. That means that it's not OK to insult them or to treat them unkindly. Remember, there is a real person, with real emotions on the other side of the screen.
"…for He guards the course of the just and protects the way of the faithful ones." (Proverbs 2:8)
My friend, Tim, loves to fly fish. He's a wise fisherman because he knows not to run into the water when he first steps into a stream, or go too deep because he could drown.
Again, these rules apply to fishing online. It's unwise to rush into a relationship with someone you don't know or to share too much too soon. How many young women have fallen prey to predators who have lured them into a dangerous sexual situation?
Additionally, the secret to turning any relationship (including an Internet one) into one that lasts, is to take your time. Unfortunately, dating sites can create an environment in which it's easy to become emotionally intimate too fast, which can cause you to drown in relational waters later.
One day while I visited a Christian dating site, a man wrote me and said "Hello," then immediately typed, "Give me your phone number. I'll call you." Because I didn't know anything about him other than what he'd written in his profile, I responded, "I'm sorry, I don't give my phone number out to people I don't know." Immediately, he became angry and retorted, "Fine! Forget it! Why would I want to date someone who doesn't trust me?" Rather than being shocked, I was humored. Didn't his mother tell him that wise girls use discernment in making companions? Of course, I was thankful that I hadn't shared too much too soon. His explosive response and pushy demeanor revealed that he could be a shark in the sea of online dating.
"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:2)
Most of all, remember that God is ultimately in control of bringing you a mate. This means that you don't need to panic or become obsessed with dating online. Keep your eyes on Him and determine to trust Him with your personal life, no matter what.


text:
The first baby born in 1988 at Del Puerto Hospital is Ivan Rangel, who arrived Saturday evening, Jan. 2. He is the son of Maria and Juan Rangel.
The Patterson High wrestling team brought home the first-place trophy from the Bret Harte tournament, the fourth consecutive year the Tigers have won the event.
The Patterson City Council is considering the purchase of land on Ward Avenue for the development of a sports park.
50 years ago — Jan. 3, 1963
First-class postage will jump to 5 cents next week. Postmaster Richard Phillips also notes that his office should qualify to become a first-class office as of July 1, a status based on annual postal receipts.
Monty Bacon will manage the local Stanislaus Implement & Hardware facility.
Merlin Thorkelson will chair the upcoming Patterson March of Dimes drive.
The local temperature dropped to 24 degrees last Thursday and Friday.
75 years ago — Jan. 7, 1938
School trustees have turned down a hot lunch program for elementary youngsters because of a lack of parent interest.
The Southern Pacific Co. has announced plans to cut local passenger service for Patterson from four to two trains a day. Mail will be hauled by truck rather than train.
High school Principal E.E. Wellemeyer has announced plans to start night exercise classes in the gym two nights a week. One class accommodating local businessmen will offer indoor baseball, volleyball and modified basketball, as well as boxing.
100 years ago — Jan. 2, 1913
A mysterious meeting that attracted about 30 people was held in Edwards Hall last week, its apparent purpose to form an organization of businessmen to oppose Patterson's Chamber of Commerce. Bowditch Morton did most of the talking, but the only action was a vote not to form the organization.
The Chamber of Commerce favors planting several rows of eucalyptus trees along Salado Creek at the northern edge of town to serve as a windbreak. T.W. Patterson will be asked to donate the property.
Walter Brown has been appointed Patterson's rural mail carrier, succeeding J.A. Craig, who held the position for several months on an interim basis.
— Irrigator archives


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INGLEWOOD, Calif. (September 5, 2012)—Martin Pedroza, one of only 10 jockeys to have won at least 1,000 races at Betfair Hollywood Park, will begin pursuit of another riding title at Fairplex Park when the 13-day season begins Friday.
The main event on the 10 race program is the $50,000 Beverly J. Lewis Stakes. Restricted to 3-year-old fillies at 6 ½ furlongs, the Lewis is the ninth race. Post time is 1 p.m. Track gates at Betfair Hollywood Park will open at 10:15 a.m. for simulcasts.
Pedroza, who has won 13 consecutive riding championships at Fairplex, will scale 5-2 morning line favorite My Selection in the Lewis.
Owned by Kaleem Shah, Inc. and trained by Hall of Famer Bob Baffert, My Selection has won two of four and earned $69,480. The most recent victory for the daughter of Badge of Silver and the Coronado's Quest mare Le Relais came in an optional claimer May 11 at Betfair Hollywood Park.
A victory by My Selection would be the third consecutive in the Lewis for Pedroza. The veteran won with the Baffert-trained Subsidized in 2010 and California Nectar – for trainer Doug O'Neill – last year.
From inside out, the field for the Beverly J. Lewis Stakes: Tornado Allie, Edwin Maldonado rides, 118 pounds; Don'tgetmadalexis, Saul Arias, 118; Sweet Nothings, Martin Garcia, 120; My Selection, Martin Pedroza, 122; Woebegon, Agapito Delgadillo, 118; Candy and Thunder, Juan Hernandez, 118; Love Tale, David Flores, 118; Tipping Point, Jorge Carreno, 118; River Kiss, Kevin Krigger, 122; Lady Fairbanks, Aaron Gryder, 118 and also-eligible Lasso From El Paso, Alex Bisono, 118
Copyright © 2009-2014, Hollywood Park. All rights reserved.


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With the theme: Creating Innovations in Education through STEAM, FESTIBA 2014 will focus on exploring the relationship between creative thinking in the arts and humanities and the development of innovative ideas in the science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM) fields.SHOW MORE
Outreach Programs/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
During FESTIBA GEAR UP Days, hundreds of students and parents engage with professional leaders in the arts fields, such as leading authors, musicians, and actors. On FESTIBA Librarians and Educators Day, librarians, teachers, and administrators listen to a roundtable discussion led by local government officials, local education agency officials and other leaders in the arts professions.SHOW MORE
Academic Events/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Student, faculty and guest speakers present on different areas of research and talent. More information on presentations will be coming February 2014!SHOW MORE
Community Events/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
FESTIBA invites the community to immerse themselves in literacy and art through multiple events, including a mariachi competition and concert, a compilation of all art forms featured in the Jardin Del Arte festival and dozens of exhibitions throughout the duration of the conference. Attendees will enjoy music, performances, artwork and other forms of expression at these events.SHOW MORE


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November 14th 2011 marks the release of Intel's Sandy Bridge-E microarchitecture and its companion X79 Express chipset. Sandy Bridge-E is the 'tock' in Intel's tick-tock release schedule cadence, that bridges the gap between current Sandy Bridge processors and next year's, totally new Ivy Bridge microarchitecture. The first processor to arrive in the SBE line-up is the Core i7-3960X Extreme Edition, a six-core chip poised to knock Intel's aging Gulftown-based processors from their position atop the PC food chain, one that they've held for almost two years. We've got a Core i7-3960X Extreme Edition in house, along with a handful of X79 Express-based motherboards, and have pitted them against an assortment of high-end processors in an array of benchmark scenarios... Intel Core i7-3960X Extreme Edition Sandy Bridge-E Review
Absolute kick-ass CPU and platform!
Intel seems to have hit it out of the park with this new Tech.
Great review Marco, as always,.......
Dogs are great judges of character, and if your dog doesn't like somebody being around, you shouldn't trust them.
I am underwhelmed by the Single Threaded performance. It is the same or slightly better than the normal Sandy Bridge.
How about some high end gaming benches?
I am concerned that the high end gaming with be about the same on the SB and SBE chips. And if that is the case, it wouldn't be worth it to spend all the extra money for SBE when you can have the same performance in MOST of the things you'll be doing anyway for a lot less.
Great multi-thread performance tho. About a 50% performance increase on some of those test which is about right considering it has 50% more cores.
Also, if you plan on overclocking these things, you're gonna need a pretty beefy PSU.
Anyway, I will probably wait until they unlock the extra 2 cores, and add in all those other features we were promised before I consider one of these. :-)
Great chip, but doesn't seem to be worth $658 more than an i7 2700. $600 total maybe, considering the i7 would still be half that price.
I really like the split memory (2 slots on either side of the CPU socket), not to mention this is I think the first I have seen like this.
I think that the value is in the ~combination~ of the CPU and the more advanced platform that it resides on. Quad Channel Memory for one will be significant once it tweaked for better performance. There are other benefits to the new chipset as well.
I agree that it will take better PSU's to run it and better heat mitigation as well. But there are many very capable PSU's out there now and a whole lot of great coolers too. These tests were done with an Intel branded Water Cooler with a 120MM radiator.
What result would we see with a H100 on it? How about a top of the line Noctua cooler? How about a custom water cooling loop?
Maybe if it was tweaked the way that many enthusiasts will want to tweak it we would see even better performance?
It's interesting to me and I can't wait for more reviews to roll in.
I went out and found some other reviews and my concerns for high end gaming have been confirmed.
It is the same and even sometimes slower than the current Sandy bridge. There are also times when it excels.
The only game it held a clear lead in was WoW.
So with better optimization for multi-core chips, i'd assume the advantages of the new SBE will become more apparent.
I think that the value is in the ~combination~ of the CPU and the more advanced platform that it resides on. Quad Channel Memory for one will be significant once it tweaked for better performance. There are other benefits to the new chipset as well....
if it was tweaked the way that many enthusiasts will want to tweak it we would see even better performance?...
I think that the value is in the ~combination~ of the CPU and the more advanced platform that it resides on. Quad Channel Memory for one will be significant once it tweaked for better performance. There are other benefits to the new chipset as well....
if it was tweaked the way that many enthusiasts will want to tweak it we would see even better performance?...
Sure do appreciate an excellent review.& what I like too is about adding the info about the memory available.This would be a must when considering the latest SB-E and carefully select the optimal memory for a build.Looks the the G.Skill's that were used "4GB, DDR3-1866 sticks of memory (total 16GB), model number F3-14900CLQ9-16GBZ" would be an excellent choice. no wonder there is a New Intel XMP 1.3 memory profile and some further tweaking would be possible.
Looking forward to reading more as more becomes available with the new Sandy Bridge -E platform.
"Don't Panic ! 'cause HH got's your back!"
"@Marco, I think your intro to this article really set the tone for what's unarguably the most powerful and exciting processor ever made. Really impressive and the bandwidth advantage of Quad channel memory is incredible. For workstation purposes there is no better choice. For gamers, I still say that the 2600K is the best value hand down."
"One thing that's against it already is Why did Intel not decide to make available the 3820 at launch, its really going to hurt the platform sales until January. "
the memory split is cool, but why? lol
Loving the chip, sadly i will never get it nor need it but would love to have it :( lol.
Nice review Marco... I wouldn't say that it's the fastest though; reading all of those charts, it's only marginally faster then the 990X, I was expecting it to blow it out of the water with it's 32nm manufacturing process and all... I'm still holding out for Ivy Bridge as the die shrink equals up to major performance increases and less heat... I mean 91 degrees on an Asetek cooler? If a processor can do that when overclocked (assuming you didn't put in a second fan for a push/pull configuration) then imagine what Ivy Bridge with it's 6 cores and it's 22nm could do when overclocked... It is surprising that an i7-2600K can keep up with the "fastest processor around".
It's also ironic that a processor like this is priced at $699.99. Compared to the 990x, that is a ridiculous steal... I'm guessing that the $1,000 pricetag will belong to the 8-core version though... Can't mark out that price range for Intel...
As far as the motherboards provided... I'd say that the ASUS and ASRock boards are anybodies good choice. Don't get me wrong, the MSI is good but ASUS and ASRock has the features that the enthusiasts want. Plus they are respectable brands and have much more of a community presence then MSI has... Don't know what the prices are for all of them but I'm guessing they'll be reasonably priced?
Anyway, great review... While I was expecting it to blow it out of the water, what we got was good enough... I'm still holding out for Ivy Bridge though, not wild about Sandy Bridge-E. Those that are wild about it will not be disappointed.
"The future starts with you; now start posting more!"
Great review! I was very impressed with new i7 3960X and little fast than i7 990X. I know Intel i7 990X price will drop little while new flagship i7 3960X at $1000.00. And I enjoyed to read the review about new i7 Extreme Edition based on SBE. It make me wish to have that in next build. One thing is I am looking forward to read some reviews soon.
Thanks for the great reviews as usual. I finally had the opportunity to read through the entire thing this morning. The multi-threaded performance is quite impressive but I feel the single threaded performance has left a bit to be desired even if it still beats the other processors. At this point I am not sure if it is worth spending $300 dollars extra on the 3930 from a 2700K the extreme processors have always been out of most peoples price ranges.
Awesome review marco, great work. Not much else to add to the discussion, it's a beast and performs like one too. A lot of impressive features and the days of a 32gig of ram standard aren't that far off! Can't wait to see some of the other goodies that come along with this release.
Now you're just mashing it!
makes me even more excited for ivy
CPU: e6400 @ 3.2 (H-50'd)MB: MSI p6nRAM: 4G adataGPU: GTS-450 and 8800GTS for PhysxHDD: WD 500G BlackPSU: 620W Corsair Mod.Case: 900-2 with 7 cathodes and AP-15sOS: W7 and Ubuntu
Good to read this review! Good to keep informed!
gazd1:Good to read this review! Good to keep informed!
How come there's not someone instantly agreeing with your post?
gazd1:Good to read this review! Good to keep informed!
How come there's not someone instantly agreeing with your post?
"LMFAO, @realneil, its usually gazd1 who comments first , then gloriad1 agreeing a while later, that's how it works. Its coming, wait for it. LOL."
How come there's not someone instantly agreeing with your post?
Yeah... Where is gloriad1 anyway?
Side note, I'd like to think that gloriad1 is gazd's sockpuppet account; I mean all she mainly does is tell gazd1 that he's right. Sort of like Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat from South Park.
TaylorKarras:sockpuppet account
I lost Pepsi through my nose when I read that,.........
It looks like Intel has once again secured their place at the top of the performance pile, but again at a premium price ...I don't really see too much appealing from a price/performance standpoint to the newer chips over the I-7 K series processors. I guess if you're wanting the best of the best, the price won't matter, but this is definitely not a mainstream CPU, and not one I'll be able to afford any time soon.
TaylorKarras:sockpuppet account
I lost Pepsi through my nose when I read that,.........
The entertainment will be almost as good as the Kewl Tower! was.
This Core i7 3960X price is so high. I wish I had that type of money to spend on just a CPU
these are amazing! i want one!
Core Frequency:
3.3GHz (Up To 3.9GHz w/ Turbo) 3.9 !!!!! OMG !!! 3.....................9 XD
QPI Speed:
Number of CPU Cores:
6 (12 Threads w/ HT)
I can die happy is i own one of these)
Intel SmartCache:
L2 Cache:
1.5MB (256K x 6)
Base Processor Frequency: 3.30 GHz
(XD Taking On Extremely High graphic games and shrugging it off LIKA BOSS)
Massive PCI Express Bandwidth: 40 lanes of PCIe supported through the processor
[_] *Sound of Jaw Hitting the floor. *
Intel consider me impressed.
$1000 For this baby now the god like speeds are making sense. Now they just need to make an affordable one,
No Doubt will see it in some New Maingear Computers.
The i7 2600k is definitely value for money at this point. This chip (3960x) is just too pricey..
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