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Home from Home Beach apt with Wi-Fi Isla Canela
Apartment | 2 bedrooms | sleeps 6
|Key Info
Now With WI-FI !!!!!!! Comfortable Affordable Stylish two bedroom Marina IV apartment in Isla Canela next to Ayamonte in Costa de la Luz. This modern family friendly gated new marina apartment sleeps 4/6 with cot and high chair hire available. The terrace looks out towards the sea, down to the communal swimming pool and across to the tennis, football and basket ball courts. With all the luxuries and extras this apartment has to offer, it really is a home away from home!
The apartment is two minutes walk to the fantastic seven km of fine sandy beach. Set in the Marina with bars, restaurants, mini super markets, shops and beach bars bicycle hire, water sports, fishing and golf. Isla Canela is a peaceful, under-developed natural conservation island linked by bridge to Ayamonte just inside Spain next to Portugal.
|Sleeps up to 6, 2 bedrooms
|Nearest beach
|Isla Canela 300 m
|Will consider
|Corporate bookings, Long term lets (over 1 month), Short breaks (1-4 days)
|Car advised
|Nearest Amenities
|300 m
|Nearest travel links
|Nearest airport: Faro 50 km, Nearest railway: Huelva 35 km
|Family friendly
|Great for children of all ages, Suitable for people with restricted mobility
|No pets allowed, No smoking at this property
Features and Facilities
|DVD player, Sea view
|TV, CD player, Satellite TV, Wi-Fi available
|Kettle, Toaster, Iron, Hair dryer
|Dishwasher, Cooker, Microwave, Fridge, Freezer, Washing machine
|2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms of which 1 En suites and 1 Shower rooms
|1 Sofa beds, Single beds (2), Cots (1), Dining seats for 6, Lounge seats for 4
|Linen provided, Towels provided, High chair
|Balcony or terrace, Bicycles available
|Secure parking, Lift access
|Further details indoors
Wi-Fi internet is provided for all guests to use during there stay free of charge.
Beach towels and Hair Dryer provided. Satellite 32 " flat screen TV, DVD, CD and Digital Radio I-Pod/MP3 Speaker on dining room table.
Board games, Children and adult fiction books and large selection of DVD films.
The lounge leads onto the terracotta terrace and this gives the apartment a greater sense of space. The terrace is furnished with a table and four chairs we also a plastic storage box full of beach equipments like buckets and spades and beach mats etc. The terrace is overlooking the sea, sports courts and swimming pool. We provide ashtrays for people who wish to smoke - but please only smoke on the terrace.
Bedrooms: Bedroom 1 - with king size bed.
Bedroom 2 - with two twin beds.
Cot with one set of linen /towels and high chair available to hire.
Toddler table and chairs baby bath and changing mat also available free of charge.
Large comfortable queen size sofa bed in living room.
The prices shown are for up to 4 people in the apartment per week.
The apartment can sleep up to six people using the queen size sofa bed
Please add an extra £50 per week per person for the fifth and sixth persons using the sofa bed in the lounge to cover the extra cost of the linen, towels, utilities and cleaning. If the cot and high chair is being hired for the extra person then they only have to pay the hire fee.
Bathrooms: Main bathroom bath with shower, WC, bidet and sink - en suite for Bedroom 1.
Shower room with WC and sink.
Kitchen: The kitchen is fully fitted with electric oven / grill and electric hob / microwave / grill / fridge / freezer / dishwasher / toaster / kettle / Coffee peculator / hand blender and fully equipped with everything you will need from corkscrew to measuring jug. Selection of plastic toddler plates bowels beakers and cutlery also provided
Utility Room: The Utility room has the hot water tank plus the washing machine in addition two clothes horses and pegs to dry clothes on the terrace and when everything is clean and dry we have an ironing board and iron if needed.
Living Rooms: Modern lounge /dining room that leads onto the terrace. The glassed topped dining table can seat comfortably six people and when needed will extend to seat 8 to 10 We also have enough crockery, cutlery and glasses for 12 place settings. L shape sofa.
The apartment will be clean ready for your arrival with freshly made beds and towels provided. Mid stay quick clean and change of linen, Welcome pack and airport transfers can all be arrange at an extra cost. Beds have top and bottom sheets plus duvets (summer 4.5 togs, winter 9 togs). 2 pillows per person and bath, hand and beach towels are also provided. Hair dryer provided. If you bring with you hair straighteners or hair curlers please use protection between the dressing table top and the hot irons.
|Further details outdoors
The swimming pool is one minute from the apartment and is open from Easter to end September and has sunbeds provided for you. The concierge works to maintain the swimming pool, gardens and exterior parts of the building. Across the road is the tennis, football and basket ball courts and seven of kilo meters fine sandy beach. Next to the apartment are all the bars restaurants, shops and Marina.
There is a communal Wi-fI internet fitted for the whole apartment complex to use free of charge.
|Further details
THIS IS A NON SMOKING APARTMENT. Smoking is only allowed on the terrace ashtrays are provided.
There is a communal Wi-fI internet fitted for the whole apartment complex to use free of charge.
Children under the age of 14 have to be supervised around the swimming pool. Swimming pool is available from Easter to end September.
Dogs must be kept on leads at all times in the communal areas and are not allowed around the swimming pool areas.
Please only park on our designated car parking space number 7.
Change over days are flexible through out the year but we prefer during July and August week to week
(See calendar for available dates).
If guests are arriving the same day guests are leaving please vacate apartment by 11.00 hours and if you are arriving you will be able to gain entry into apartment by 16.00 hours local time These times are flexible to accommodate guests and we will be able to let you know the exact time nearer your booking.
The Andalucia region
With miles of fabulous sandy beaches, water sports, a superb climate and beautiful countryside dotted with white washed towns and ancient villages you can see why the Spanish have kept this region for themselves. Combined with 3,000 hours of sunshine a year and an average annual temperature of 18 degrees centigrade. People who love everything Spanish will adore Isla Canerla / Ayamonte / Costa de la Luz. It is real Spain.
Steeped in history, culture and it's own identity. One of the most fascinating parts of the coost it is close to the border with Portugal and known as the Spanish Algarve because it is part of the Algarve coastline.The region has cities such as Seville, Jerez and Cadiz and the beautiful expanse of the Donana National Park the largest natual reserve in Europe plus pretty towns town like Ayamonte on the Spanish side to visit and across the bridge the whole of the Portuguese Alvgarve a short drive away to explore including the sophisticated port of Villamoura to the little villages of Tavira or the Saturday morning craft Market at Loule.
Isla Canela is a peaceful, under- developed natural conservation island linked by a bridge to Ayamonte, just inside the Spanish border close to Portugal. It enjoys an exceptional average climate of 20 - 25 degrees with gentle breezes and over 300 days of sunshine throughout the year. Isla Canela has 7 km of fine sandy beaches a cared-for natural setting and an exceptional climate.
The beaches are the perfect place to relax for all ages, sunbeds, water sports and three beach bars serving food and drink are also on the beaches during the Summer season . A heavenly place for walking or jogging and an ideal place to cycle (bikes can be hired from the marina) Sand dunes and palm trees line the promenade before you reach the sand as the government have not allowed building straight onto the beaches. Nearby activities and sports include 18 hole golf course, driving range with putting greens, social club and golf school, bowls center, tennis basketball and football courts are opposite the apartments. There is a harbor, marina, sailing club, and fishing. The marina has a selection of restaurants and bars, as well as two mini supermarkets. Opposite in the fishing village you have a selection of restaurants cooking the catch of the day just for you. The perfect place to come for the perfect get away!
Ayamonte is the nearest town from Isla Canela.You can get a bus from the Island or a Taxi ( cost 8 to 10 euros approx) or drive ( about ten minutes) The best bit about Ayamonte is you have to park on the outside and walk through the cobbled roads and winding streets full of shops (No multiples here). There are cafes Tapas bars and a fabulous indoor food market selling fresh meat, fish and fruit and veg..The area is famous for it's strawberries, and they are fantastic! as is all the food produce sold in this market. There are two squares where there always seems to be some sort of local activity going on either festive or religious. They are the main meeting place for locals and are surrounded by restaurants, cafe, shops and palm trees. There are some very trendy clothes shops for men and women and also great leather shops and a few exceptional shoe shops. There are also shops that sell lovely gits for you to bring back to your home in England.
Availability Your dates are available
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22 Sep 2014
"Best Holiday in Years"
Lovely 2 bed apartment in wonderful position just a few steps from the marina with its bars and restaurants. Everything you could need on holiday, as well equipped as my own home. including a flat screen TV. Just right for me to plug in my media player! We arrived to find it spotlessly clean with a large balcony with table and chairs to sit with your G & T's. and restaurants.
Communal pool was very clean and warm. Plenty of sunbeds albeit no covers, so can get a bit uncomfortable.
The beautiful endless sandy beach with a couple of beach bars is only 5 minutes (if that) walk from the apartment. The owner, Caroline was incredibly helpful and clearly wants her guests to maximize the enjoyment of their stays. Would highly recommend both the apartment and location, and my party all agreed we would like to return. Costa de la Luz is the "Spanish Costa" so understand you will need a phrase book now and again if like me you don't speak Spanish! Do have a go though, and you will find your Spanish hosts will delight in trying to help you. We had some comical moments especially ordering food. Great laugh!!
Name: Steve B
2 Nov 2013
This is the fourth time we have stayed in this apartment and I have to say it never fails me. Right from the beginning of booking everything is done with such precision that you feel secure in the knowledge that it is going to be a great holiday. Caroline is a perfectionist with her apartments and everything is thought of right down to the cotton buds which are supplied on the bedroom dressing tables. You will not go wrong with the apartment, on arrival the first thing you will notice is how spotlessly clean it is and Caroline's housekeepers do a great job, top marks. If you have children of all ages the apartmThis is the fourth time we have stayed in this apartment and I have to say it never fails me. Right from the beginning of booking everything is done with such precision that you feel secure in the knowledge that it is going to be a great holiday. Caroline is a perfectionist with her apartments and everything is thought of right down to the cotton buds which are supplied on the bedroom dressing tables. You will not go wrong with the apartment, on arrival the first thing you will notice is how spotlessly clean it is and Caroline's housekeepers do a great job, top marks. If you have children of all ages the apartment has plenty to entertain them from dvd's, board games, books and the all important beach games. The position of the apartment in the harbour and a few minutes from the beach make this ideally located, especially in the summer months. The apartment is 10 mins from Ayamonte a lovely traditional Spanish town where you will find a daily market as well as lovely individual shops and coffee houses. Also importantly two supermarkets which are stocked well. If you have a car don't forget to drive to Seville for a day as its very easy to reach within an 1 hour and half.
This is definitely somewhere where we will continue to visit year on year as we can't fault the apartment or location on bit.
4 Jul 2013
"Home from home apartment, fabulous beach, quiet relaxing family holiday"
This was our second stay in this apartment and we went for 14 nights on this occasion after 9 nights last year. As always with the owner's properties here and in Duquesa the apartment was spotless and extremely well equipped, with everything you could possibly want or need for a great holiday. Things like arranging easy access to the property, and providing extensive information with helpful tips and advice is also well appreciated and makes it painless to get settled.
My review of our trip in May 2012 covers our thoughts on the location, resort etc. and nothing has changed. Isla Canela is quiet outside of the very peak season, which is great for a family with small children like ours. The beach is so vast and only gets lots of people at the weekends when the Spanish people bring their families down, so it always feels safe for children.
Ayamonte really is a lovely little town and the fresh food market is superb. The cafes and tapas bars are also very cheap with a vast range of seafood in particular. The bars in the little precinct near the apartment are also family friendly and inexpensive for a drink or food (e.g. 2.50 euro for a pint of san miguel).
This place is definitely recommended by us!
22 May 2013
"Excellent for a relaxing stay"
A super place to stay to relax, walk and enjoy the area. Isla Canela is very good for pleasant walks and relaxing in the sun. We had lovely weather, cool in the evening but that is to be expected in late April. Not too many restaurants open in Isla Canela as it is early season, but plenty in Ayemonte a 10 minute drive away. A car is needed to really enjoy this area.
As always Carolines apartments are immaculate, clean and well presented, everything you could need. Lovely bed linen and comfortable beds.
26 Sep 2012
"One of the best holidays in a long time"
Our Isla Canela holiday was a great success thanks to our stay in a lovely apartment which was clean and incredibly well equipped. Isla Canela itself is a lovely self contained island with the most beautiful beach and warm sea water. The surrounding facilities are very good, plenty of restaurants cafes,pubs a well equipped mini market ,bicycle hire, segway hire which was great fun. Loved every minute of our holiday.
27 Aug 2012
"Best of both worlds"
Great location for both a Spanish and a Portugese holiday this apartment is ideally located near the border. Isla Canela is a lovely quiet family friendly coastal island close to Ayamonte and this apartment will give you a quality stay with access to a relaxing pool and 3 minute walk to a beautiful beach with good promenade and activities for teenagers.
Accommodation is excellent with a terrace that is in the shade-much needed! Comfortable and well-equipped the apartment will help you to relax and the owner couldn't be more helpful with instructions. The apartment block is spotlessly cleaned and well maintained.
For quality accommodation at an affordable price this really does deliver.
11 Jun 2012
"Perfect location for a peaceful, relaxing holiday"
Having stayed in the owner's Duquesa accommodation last year we found the Isla Canela apartment and it was an easy decision to give it a try for this year's family holiday. The apartment is a good size 2 bedroom with plenty of room for a family, and couldn't possibly be better equipped, with every home from home item you could possibly want. It was also spotless on arrival, modern in decor with everything in perfect working order.
The area is beautiful and has every ingredient for a great holiday; leaving the apartment block and walking 100m to the left takes you to the harbour, with a small precinct with a range of bars, cafes and restaurants, and a mini market type shop. We ate in a few of the bars as well as the Italian restaurant and all were very good, as well as reasonably priced. The sun comes down across the harbour and many of the bars are well situated for an evening drink to watch it.
Walking 200m right when coming out of the block takes you to the beach via the dune walkway. The beach is stunning, and so vast it couldn't possibly get too busy. We spent a lot of time on it! We used the pool in the apartment block a few times for a quick cool off, and theres also the option to use the nearby Playa Marina hotel pool for only 3 euros per person for a full day, where there are a couple of slides and a much bigger pool.
Nearby Ayamonte is a charming Spanish town, with an excellent food market in the centre, and a couple of tiled squares with a huge number of cheap tapas restaurants and cafes. We went across to Portugal for a day on Monte Gordo beach which was only a 20 minute drive and a good day out; there are a load of beach and resort options within a half hour's drive.
Overall this is an excellent location and apartment for a peaceful, relaxing holiday with amenities around when needed; it worked brilliantly for us as a family with two small children. Weather in May was also good, no rain, and with a breeze to make the heat very comfortable.
26 Jul 2011
"Five star holiday"
This was our second time at the apartment. The last time being five years ago. Isle Canela is a beautiful unspoilt resort. During our nine days there we heard no more than five English voices, it is very Spanish even in the restaurants they only speak the native tongue. Caroline's apartment is perfect on location, cleanliness and location. We normally rent one of her three apartments each year and will continue to do so. Every little detail is thought of and nothing is too much bother. Thank you Caroline once again.
This advert is created and maintained by the advertiser; we can only publish adverts in good faith as we don't own, manage or inspect any of the properties. We advise you to familiarise yourself with our terms of use.
You're booking with
Caroline S.
- 9 Years listed
100% Response rate
Calendar last updated:20 Oct 2014
Based in United Kingdom
- English
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National Technology Agency
|This article does not cite any references or sources. (December 2009)
The National Technology Agency' (known until 1999 as the Technology Development Centre) (Finnish language: Innovaatiorahoituskeskus Tekes or simply Tekes) is an organization for research and technology development in the Republic of Finland. It was formed on 1 July 1983. According to the Agency, its purpose "is to promote the competitiveness of Finnish industry and the service sector by assisting in the creation of world-class technology and technological know-how". Its annual budget is four hundred million EUR. Its funds come from the Ministry of Trade and Industry.
The Agency is based in Helsinki. It has fourteen regional Employment and Economic Development Centres (also known as the T&E Centres) throughout the Republic. The Agency also has offices in Beijing, Brussels, Tokyo, Silicon Valley, Shanghai, and the District of Columbia. The Agency claims to employ 320 people.[citation needed]
Brief history[edit]
The Centre was founded primarily in response to an economic recession during the 1970s. At its formation in 1983, it employed twenty people. It began researching energy technology in 1995.
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Written by:
Don't worry little girl, you need not cry,
we know your tears, and feel them every one
and all too well, though many have to die,
you will go home again, it is not gone,
but merely re-arranged, or burned at most,
the place called home still thrives for you one day
to dream and build again, a fence, a post,
four walls to keep you safe where you can stay,
and never see again man's evil eye
nor feel again the hate that brought this on,
and though for now you sit alone and cry,
the bombers and the butchers will be gone.
Your home is safe, and waits for your return,
Though nothing's left, except what will not burn.
© ron wilson aka vee bdosa


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Wasn't Margaret Sanger from Europe and the instigator of Planned Parenthood? Didn't she work in ugenics? She did not like black people and this was a way of targeting them and others she considered to be lesser groups of people? Planned Parenthood is still most active in lower socio-economic areas. What they have done is pure evil--Blacks should re-direct their attention to that organization instead of towards white society--what happened regarding slavery took place a long time ago, but this murder of innocent babies, and if they have their way, girl bablies, is going on right now.
If Catholics were taught to read their Bibles and to understand scripture they would have an understanding of the Book of Revelation and therefore, would recognize the danger we're in. They would know the signs of the times, the mark of the Beast and the anti-Christ. Not knowing who the enemy is, is our country's biggest danger. Most Catholics are sincere people and in general, good people--they need to get past sticking to their party and realize that it is no longer the party of the past.
To Amity: If Barak's name is Barry Soetoro, it would be true that LoLo adopted Barry and enrolled him in a muslim school as a muslim. Now, If Barry was adopted by Soetoro, would that or would that not make OB an Indonesian citizen and a foreigner? Was he or was he not enrolled in college as a foreign student? If so, why is he still in the Presidential race?
To Marie 150: Right. This is why it is so important for all people to read their Bibles and trust on the HolySpirit to reveal the scriptures to them. To be ignorant of scripture is to be ignorant of Truth.
To Marie 150: Not every other church my friend.
To Richard 191: Exactly! Democrats favor large controlling government; Republicans favor a government controlled by the people. We do NOT have a democracy in America, it's a Republic! Many nations in turmoil are democracys--that word meaning "social equality" like you said. That IS one of the basic tenants of communism along with "taking care of the Earth; sharing the wealth; unions, remember "workers unite" which was their cry; control of production, food and in general, all aspects of their citizens lives all in the name of "fairness" Sound familiar?
To Joseph 64: I just heard, on the radio, that there will be a 2 hour Muslim prayer time at the DNC. I wonder how that sets with the professing Christians in the Democratic party? How does it make America feel to have God's time usurped by a foreign religion? Suppose it were, say, a Christian Evangelical joyful, worshiping service--I think the separation proponants would not take it very lightly. The dual standards of this administration are questionable.
Joseph 64: I remember Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. We watched him every week. He was full of the Holy Spirit and truly a man of God. He spoke the truth with wisdom and authority--we were sad when he left the program.
Hmmmm--How about our Bill of Rights?
avallas: Would you kindly support your inference with some evidence?


text: The Greenwich Art Society celebrated their 100th Anniversary with a reception and opening of their 95th annual juried exhibition. State Representative Fred Camillo issued a citation commemorating March 2nd as Greenwich Art Society Day marking the anniversary. Stop by to see the beautiful art work: The Bendheim Gallery, 299 Greenwich Avenue, Greenwich. For more information, please visit: http://www.greenwichartsociety.org/.


text:
Apple working on the iWatch?
By Barry Collins
Posted on 11 Feb 2013 at 09:36
Apple is developing a wristwatch device made of curved glass, according to reports.
The New York Times was tipped off about the plans from an anonymous source close to the company, while the Wall Street Journal reports that Apple has held discussions with manufacturing partner Foxconn over such a device.
Details of the device are in the range of sketchy to non-existent, and Apple traditionally refuses to talk about upcoming devices until they are unveiled at its own keynote speech.
However, the New York Times notes that Corning, the manufacturer of the Gorilla Glass used in iPhone and iPad devices, last year announced that it had created a bendable glass called Willow Glass. Video demonstrations show the glass - which is only a tenth of a millimetre thick - being flexed back and forth like a sheet of paper.
The iWatch would run on a customised version of iOS and could be capable of making mobile payments using Apple's Passbook system. Apple's Siri voice assistant would also be a natural fit for such a device.
It's not the first time Apple has tinkered with the watch concept. The seventh generation iPod nano could be used a watch, with several third-party manufacturers developing straps for the device.
Apple's share price has taken a huge tumble over the past six months, falling from a September high of $700 to $475 today, as the market waits for the next major move from the world's biggest tech company. The company has long been rumoured to be working on a television set, although Steve Jobs reportedly told a New York Times reporter that he wanted to develop a car.
However, if we were to believe everything Steve Jobs allegedly told reporters just before he died, Apple would have a more varied stock cupboard than Harrods.
Another glitzy toy?
I can't really se what an iWatch would do, except as an adjunct to the iPhone, and even then I'm trying hard to justify it... I await further enlightenment from those with more imagination.
My immediate doubts centre on the suggested voice interaction via Siri, or 'phone.
Either of these would require wearing either wired 'phones\mic - very retro and not really practicable, or a 'Cabbie' Bluetooth earpiece - VERY uncool....
I suppose a 'secret squirrel' mode, of holding one's wrist to mouth\ear is also available.
That risks being either targeted by passing AlQuieda operatives, or inducing uncontrollable laughter in passers-by.
As is hinted, other tech publications are unkindly suggesting its a desperate reaction to the tumbling share price.....
By wittgenfrog on 11 Feb 2013
Perfectly reasonable points you make. Therefore, there's no doubting that it would sell by the shed load.
By nickallison on 11 Feb 2013
-Good point :-)
By wittgenfrog on 11 Feb 2013
Dick Tracy will be pleased
By Alfresco on 11 Feb 2013
Oh god, watch manufacturers beware, its only a matter of time until Apple sues you claiming that they invented the clock...
By NR5674 on 11 Feb 2013
Lawsuit shape
"its only a matter of time until Apple sues you claiming that they invented the clock."
No - only the round clock. Or was it the square clock? Or the black clock?
By AdrianB on 11 Feb 2013
Very Douglas Adams, but probably true all the same!
By BornOnTheCusp on 11 Feb 2013
Bluetooth 4.0
Surely the point that is being missed here is that an 'iWatch' would be a Bluetooth 4.0 device showing selected detail from an iPhone, iPad, iPod etc.
So far Apple are one of the few to have implemented Bluetooth 4.0 so they must have been planning a use for it and Wahoo have already announced a cycle computer linked to the iPhone / iPod via Bluetooth 4.0 (the Wahoo RFLKT - http://www.wahoofitness.com/RFLKT/).
By neil_aky on 12 Feb 2013
Yes, but what's it FOR???
By wittgenfrog on 13 Feb 2013
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For this Sofia there are 10288 different names on Yasni.
Most common last names for Sofia are: Aleman, Alvarez, Athanasopoulou
In the ranking of the most common first names Sofia is on position 561.
During the last seven days Sofia was searched for 197 times.
Female first name (German, Italian, Scandinavian): Sofia, wisdom, ancient Greek (Word format); sophia = wisdom, famous for the St.. Sophia, a (perhaps mythical) Roman martyr from the 3rd Century


text:
3/4" x 10" Blue Wristband 1000 / Box
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Available Colors:
Available Colors
- Consecutively numbered
- Eye-catching blue color
Perfect for visually identifying your paying customers for crowd management, special privileges, catering, age ID, and much more, these blue wristbands comfortably adjust to any size thanks to their convenient adhesive strip closure. Each 3/4" x 10" blue wristband is made of revolutionary Tyvek material, a strong, waterproof, lightweight polyethylene composite that's designed to last all party long.
Sold by the box of 1000.
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Overall User Rating: 3/4" x 10" Blue Wristband 1000 / Box ( 4.5 stars from 2 reviews )
They are great products to control events on a club and parties. thank goodness it is affordable. A great way to control the crown while still having a good time
Wendy Z. Posted on 01/16/2012
These are a great inexpesive wristband for parties, events, or special nights at the bar. They're not quite as durable as the plastic ones, but for the price, they're a great deal.
Michael R. Posted on 11/16/2009
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- Written by Nightfly on Sunday, August 29 2010 and posted in Features
Outhouse tvphile Nightfly reviews Stan Lee's Superhumans on The History Channel.
Four episodes into this series and I find myself at a crossroads, with questions. The first two entries weren't half bad, but the most recent two are more akin to Ripley's Believe It or Not, as Outhouser Kolimar noted (two weeks ago). And whether or not these folks are 'superhuman' or not, I wish Stan would just consolidate locations. Stan sent Daniel Brown Smith to India in the premiere episode, did he really send him there multiple times? If not,... why not just spotlight an Indian superteam instead of sprinkling them in amidst epis otherwise dominated by Americans?? Anyways...
'The World's Most Flexible Man' first profiled 63yr old abdominal strongman Tom Owen a.k.a. Speed Bump. After confounding the scientist's tests, the 'strongest stomach on the planet' lied down on some Alabama concrete and withstood the crushing weight of a truck driving over his belly. Tom is a geezer, and his stomach is certainly not as he boasts made "of steel", however, all that said I have a strong feeling punching him in the rectus abdominus muscle would result in a (potentially seriously) hurt hand. Essentially, he seems to have mastered the 'Iron Stomach' technique from Kung Fu without being a martial arts master.
Hopping the pond, Daniel next trekked to London to meet piano savant Derek Paravicini, dubbed by Stan, The Human Jukebox. I'm not sure I consider savants 'superhuman' but according to DBS there are fewer than 100 officially recognized savants in all of recorded history -- now, that I did not know! Blind and Autistic from birth, Derek's power is a musically eidetic memory which he translates via piano, allowing him to replay any song / note pattern he's ever heard (even if only once) with near-perfect fidelity. Being a consummate musican, he also can vary the replayed tune(s) by altering the musical style he performs 'em in. Paravicini's power of musical recall truly is 'superhuman'.
While contemplating suicide, Jyothi Raj decided not to jump from a high Indian wall but rather to follow the nearby makak's example and climb the wall higher (barehanded) instead. Some call him 'India's Spider-Man', but DBS & Stan call him, Ultimate Climber. Raj's superstrong fingers and unconventional (monkey inspired) climbing style make him an amazingly fast and efficient [vertical] freehand climber, and one of the most entertaining 'superhumans' profiled on the series thus far.
The Man Who Feels No Pain a.k.a. Tim Cridland, closed the show by grossing out this reviewer as well as on-the-street New Yorkers and the scientist that tested him by piercing his arms and face with 10" steel skewers. With an uncanny ability to control his neurology, Tim 'The Pain Proof Man' simply switches off his pain receptors allowing him to ignore agonizing levels of pain that would easily knock non-superhumans unconscious. Mysteriously, Cridland not only controls pain, he also seems to control his blood loss. Some might be tempted to label him a Geek, but I doubt many would reject his abilities if offered them.
This episode surely isn't the strongest of the series so far, and thinking of this crew as a superteam is disappointing. I think it makes more sense to imagine Stan forming a League, rather than many individual superteams. From this League, Stan can assemble 'n dispatch custom squads for highly specific missions. Yeah, that makes more sense. This installment could've been better, it could've been worse... it ended on a freakishly gruesome profile so I'll give it points for that.
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About the Author - Nightfly
A proud member of NBCUniversal's and A+E Television Networks' Digital Media Teams, Nightfly routinely interviews producers, creators and stars of various network programs and films with a concentrated emphasis on the Syfy channel. Formally educated in Communications, Computer Science and Music, his résumé reflects more than a decade broadcasting in the fields of television and radio. With pieces routinely published at ScreenFad and Press Pass L.A., his primary areas of interest include TV, film, music, web series, comic books, fashion, pen 'n paper RPG gaming as well as various other pop-culture topics. An avid Twitter user, Nightfly supports the arts, the entertainment community, numerous charities and crowdfunding projects through his journalistic netizenship and non-partisan, multicultural-centric activism.
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While our building is closed for expansion construction, come enjoy Mark di Suvero at Crissy Field, a free outdoor exhibition of the internationally acclaimed artist's exuberant sculptures, presented in partnership with the National Park Service and the Golden Gate National Parks Conservancy.
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2013-09-15 15:27:57
Write a review
- Small red potatoes cut in half
- butter
- brats
- onion slivers
- 1 1/2 pound grated cheese
- 2 cup mushroom soup
- salt & pepper to taste
- High Mountain Cajun cowboy seasoning
- Boil potatoes in dutch oven or similar pot about 15 minutes add butter, mushroom soup, onion slivers, brats and seasonings. Cook until potatoes are tender and done and thick without burning. Add grated cheese to top till melts and enjoy. Many variations' of meats and vegetables can be added to this.
- Always remember to give the Lord thanks for what he has given us.
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text:
On New Earth, Epic is not just a computer game, it's a matter of life and death. If you lose, you lose everything; if you win, the world is yours for the taking.
Also available as an EPUB
Theme Issues, Friendships, Personal Challenge, Fantasy, Other worlds, Politics, Boy/Girl/Teen Relationships
Series The Avatar Chronicles
On New Earth, Epic is not just a computer game, it's a matter of life and death. If you lose, you lose everything; if you win, the world is yours for the taking.
Seeking revenge for the unjust treatment of his parents, Erik subverts the rules of the game, and he and his friends are drawn into a world of power-hungry, dangerous players. Now they must fight the ultimate masters of the game -- The Committee. But what Erik doesn't know is that The Committee has a sinister, deadly secret, and challenging it could destroy the whole world of Epic.
Conor Kostick is a writer and historian living in Dublin. As a novelist he was awarded the Farmleigh writer's residency for the summer of 2010 and a place on the nominees list for the Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award 2012 and 2013. At their 2009 awards, the Reading Association of Ireland gave him the Special Merit Award 'in recognition of his significant contribution to writing for children in Ireland'.
Epic is Conor's most successful book, selling over 100,000 copies worldwide. It was awarded a place on the International Board on Books for Young People "White Ravens" list for 2006 and on the Booklist Best Fantasy Books for Youth list for 2007.
As an historian, Conor Kostick's holds a PhD and a gold medal from Trinity College Dublin. He won first prize in the 2001 Dublinia Medieval Essay Competition, and has held fellowships from the Irish Research Council and the University of Nottingham. In 2013, he was awarded a Marie Curie research grant from the EU.
Conor was twice chairperson of the Irish Writers' Union.
His facebook readers page is here.
It is moral without moralising, the distinctions between good and bad are blurred, as it suggests that everyone has the capacity for both. Its inherent existentialist philosophy gives the reader something to ponder, long after the book has been completed.Books Ireland
I think the book was good because it is futuristic and it doesn't drag. I would recommend the book for the 10-13 age group.Andrew Burrows, Cork - Evening Echo
This is, in my view, the most important Irish novel of this yearCelia Keenan - The Sunday Independent
A fictional masterpiece, my only regret is that the game doesn't exist. Eagerly awaiting a sequel. I was surprised to get a book that i had heard nothing of. But I think all people over 12 should read your book. Especially if they are interested in Sci-Fi.Shane Hunt (13), Chester
a triumph of control, focus and a truly dazzlingwriting style that takes us through a world of avatars and ogres, orcs and dwarves, of human concerns and human feelings; a narrative that itself jestly deserves the word 'epic'. It succeeds on so many levels without ever resorting to the asinities of allegory but cannot fail to present resemblances to the nascent imperialism of our own world. Yet the book remains first and foremost an attention-grabbing, action tale in the new genre that might be called 'cyber-fiction'.Tony Hickey - Village Magazine
I think that your book is brilliant. It is among the best books I've read and they include books by J.K. Rowling, Darren Shan and Eoin Colfer. 'Epic' really captured my imagination -- I loved the descriptions of the characters. The book is a real page tuner and I couldn't put it down. I've recommended it to the school librarian, local Scottish bookshops and my friends! Good luck with the next book. Send me an e-mail as soon as it is finished.Jamie (aged 12), Aberdeen
It isn't all questing knights and hideous monsters ... A well-crafted novel ... It will appeal to older teenagers and adults who enjoy computer gamesInis Magazine
Audrey Baker - Inis Magazine
Four stars: 'Call your first novel Epic and you run the risk of being thought, at the very least, ambitious - not that such a description will carry anything but the most favourable connotations when the book in question is something such as Kostick's. This is a fantasy novel which, while retaining many of the stock elements of the genre (dragon slaying, a magic ring, cataclysmic battles, treasure chests, fearsome weapons, inter alia), moves well beyond these conventional bits and pieces to allow for the incorporation of a challenging intellectual dimension. This, concerned essentially with political systems and the role of violence in such systems, may at time prove (especially in the earlier chapters of the novel) rather demanding and dense for younger teenage readers. For them, however, there will be other rewards: there will be the two interlocking parallel worlds of the novel and the cleverly devised 'Epic' role-playing computer game which the young Erik Haraldson and friends ultimately attempt to turn to their advantage when opposing the dictatorship of the 'small, self-selected elite' known as the Central Allocations committee. We are now ready for epic confrontations, in various senses, and for the vivid portrayal of a society (with some oblique allusions to our own) on the edge of disintegration. 'Epic,' as one of the committee remarks at one point, 'is a strange game with greater depths, more than perhaps we realise.' Like game, like book: 'clip on', as the characters say when play begins, and enjoy!Robert Dunbar - Books for Keeps
Humanity has migrated to a new Earth. The social order is tough and weird. Citizens progress in society by winning points in a gigantic interactive computer game, and Erik's parents are losing badly. Erik applies his unconventional mind to winning. And why stop there? Why not go after the Committee that runs the game? A thoughtful, exciting science-fiction epic, with strong interpersonal and political resonances. The author is a games designer, and it shows. This book will appeal to computer-games zombies, and makes a good introduction to science-fiction.Sam Llewellyn, Author of Little Darlings
kids in this country would love this book, as video games are a big component in kid life these days, and some even come to question gaming's place in the world at large. Can we really siphon off the all-too-human desire for violence and adventure through gaming? This book takes that idea about as far as it can go, and gives us some honest answers, while entertaining us right to the finish line.Sherwood Smith - sfsite.com
this is a fantastic novel. The story has both depth and action. Buy it.Sue Ellis - Writeaway.org.uk
Amid so many books in which the loss of knowledge seems inevitable and the tearing down of society a given, it was wonderful to read a book in which each movement was part of a set of sane, sensible, but fundamentally unpredictable chains of decision. More please.Farah Mendelsohn - The Inter-Galactic Playground
These are highly-praised sci-fi novels for the 10+ age group ... would have appeal for readers who love their games too!Woman's Way
a swiftly paced episodic structure faithfully renders the experience of the online game through which conflict in the novel is resolved ... takes Irish children's fiction into a number of new arenas ... justly celebrated.Inis Magazine
Conor Kostick's science fiction novels pose ambitious questions about the nature of existence, representation and experience ... Three breathtaking page-turners that quietly and subtly trouble the reader long after the novels have been put aside ... The three novels are firmly contemporary in their immediate engagement but universal I the questions they ask ... Just like the characters who populate the epics and sagas and eddas of mythology, the protagonists of Kostick's novels undergo physically and psychologically dangerous quests into terra-incognita that take place in space and time ... perilous explorations undertaken by carefully constructed, individuated characters with unique, complex lives, loves and motivations ... It's the updating of the notion of genre and character, together for a generation of technological natives that places Kostick's novels firmly in the bracket of children's literature ... The connection between the deeply serious and the highly playful is in some ways homage to the Horation dictum that the purpose of literature is to teach and to delight ... The success of the books internationally is another measure of their universal appeal ... important novels precisely because they propose contemplating the present by examining an imagined future through the lens of a carefully considered past.Amanda Piesse, Inis Magazine
Kostick's writing is consistently marked by a deep respect for his young readers and their ability to respond to complex and dense ideas ... exploration of the digital figure of the avatar and its postmodern challenge to conventions of the body, gender and culture.Patricia Kennon, Inis Magazine
an ideal choice for a teen boy or girl with an interest in computer games, science fiction or fantasy ... Without preaching or being moralistic, this book encourages young adults to get interested in the world outside of computer games through illustrating a world where computer games do have real-life stakes ... This science-fiction book also shows how one person's thoughts and actions can make a difference, while also illustrating the importance of teamwork.Best Teen Book Review, hubpages.com
Full of beautiful, detailed imagery, Epic is a great ride with something for everyone, a thoroughly developed, well-written exploration of virtual reality and the morality behind many laws and regulations ... Recommended for fans of Orson Scott Card's new book Pathfinder, among others.Our Time in Juvie
I think the book was good because it is futuristic and it doesn't drag. I would recommend the book for the 10-13 age group.Evening Echo (Andrew Burrows,Cork)
Reader Reviews
Great book. It was hard to put downRonnie on 29th February 2012
The book "Epic" got me hooked. I used to hate reading, but then I realised that people who say they hate reading just haven't found the right genre for them. Well "Epic" was my book. I couldn't stop reading. I was up reading this book so late my mom had to tell me to go to bed. It's a page turner - I couldn't stop those pages from flowing. Before I knew it, I had finished the book. I am so glad that I figured out that Conor Kostick had written a sequel. I haven't read the sequel yet but I cant wait until I do. Please continue writing your books, I thoroughly enjoy them!Randall (aged 13) on 1st November 2010
The Author Speaks
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text:
It's a sad time when the hockey season is over. When your team doesn't make the playoffs, it's even worse. The Winnipeg Jets may have had their misery's this year, but the Jets managed to find some positives along the way.
In the future, Winnipeg 's young bucks will be bringing us to the promise land. Jacob Trouba made his mark in the NHL in almost every single game he was in the line up. Mark Scheifele is another player fans beam at when in conversation. Who would testify against Michael Hutchinson on the Jet roster next year? Not I.
Now on to the bad. Devon Setoguchi would be one of the worst pick ups from last year's off season. Evander Kane who was the only 30 goal scorer in year's past, had an injury plagued year and never really found his stride again. In net, Ondrej Pavelec's numbers fell and he eventually was replaced, hopefully for good.
Our team gave us false hopes when we got out to a 2-0 start early. After dealing with many inconsistencies, Claude Noel was finally fired and a new hope was brought into the organization. No it wasn't Luke Skywalker, it was Paul Maurice!
I'm finally excited about another Jet's season. We could have a good coach, something the Jets 2.0 needs for years to come.Blake Wheeler will only continue to get better, i'm predicting two 30 goal scorers next season. With a confident coach and a new goalie, the Jets could be a new team.
My time at Hockey at the Forks has been great! I've gotten to grow as a writer and I enjoy doing it more and more every story. Sports blogs may be the future of the news world as more and more people are coming on-line to get their daily fix of news/sports. However, I'm not done writing for the Winnipeg Jets. Check out my new Winnipeg Jets blog here , you'll find videos and more!
Once again, I thank Fansided, Hockey at the Forks and Skylar Peters.
Tags: NHL Winnipeg Jets


text:
tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61703541122962007772014-10-30T13:33:34.378ZScarfolk CouncilScarfolk is a town in North West England that did not progress beyond 1979. Instead, the entire decade of the 1970s loops ad infinitum. Here in Scarfolk, pagan rituals blend seamlessly with science; hauntology is a compulsory subject at school, and everyone must be in bed by 8pm because they are perpetually running a slight fever. "Visit Scarfolk today. Our number one priority is keeping rabies at bay." For more information please reread.About mehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-22279089373276641272014-10-23T09:58:00.000+01:002014-10-23T10:13:38.214+01:00"Ritual & Invasive Mind Control" (Mayflower Books, 1978)From children to teachers to pensioners; from secretaries to factory workers to black propaganda operatives secretly working for the government disguised as school dinner ladies, mind control was all the rage in 1970s Scarfolk.

Everyone was at it. Dozens of 'DIY' books flooded the market and there was a schism over which was the better method: occult ritual magick, the use of precision medical implements such as straightened wire coat hangers, or television advertising.

Because the government had already employed potent thought-control techniques to cap the cognitive abilities of citizens, most people didn't master much more than the basics, such as the Disco Leech Maneouver (see the book cover below), which reduced the mental age of a subject by up to 4 hours.

An except from chapter one:

"...Carefully insert a finger or medical (non-musical) instrument into the nasal cavity. The opening is quite narrow but about 2 metres in it opens out into a larger chamber. Here you will encounter a marsupial called Zimbardo, who guards the entrance to the brain. You will not be able to pass him unless you agree to a wrestling match (Blavatsky rules). Let him win. Once you have access to the brain you will see that its interior resembles bubble wrap. Use your finger/instrument to pop as many of these 'think pockets' as you feel is appropriate. If the subject begins to gurgle or talk backwards, immediately exit the brain via the nostril, ensuring that you take any litter with you..."

Scarfolk Councilhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-30422681969503567732014-10-14T12:22:00.004+01:002014-10-14T12:22:27.944+01:00"Discovering Scarfolk". Out Now.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-74768374508616964342014-10-10T11:49:00.000+01:002014-10-10T11:49:35.320+01:00"Inhale for Britain" (1974)In the 1970s a government think-tank headed by Scarfolk councillor E. Bernays predicted that 21st century Britain might see a much-increased elderly population. Already faced with a recession, the government decided on a two-pronged solution that would not only reduce the numbers of future senior citizens but also boost the economy.

It strongly encouraged people, especially children, to smoke and then, once addiction had become more widespread, the tax on cigarettes was raised. The short-term plan was to bolster the economy with the tobacco levy and, in the long term, drastically reduce the number of people reaching pensionable age by ensuring they develop fatal, smoking-related illnesses.

To further secure economic stability the government also began slowly dismantling the NHS (Notional Health Service) so that it could not be made financially accountable for any pensioners who accidentally slipped through the net and stubbornly endured.

The poster below from 1974, which was aimed at impoverished children, took advantage of the national pride and sense of 'Britishness' which had been fabricated by an earlier government propaganda campaign intended to control the uneducated.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-67818967470929062872014-10-01T17:00:00.002+01:002014-10-01T19:29:15.871+01:00"How to Burn Books" (Pelican Books)Scarfolk council was a staunch advocate of biblioclasm. It did not want citizens acquiring unsanctioned knowledge and expected families to regularly scour their cellars, attics and priest holes for prohibited books. Book burnings took place after Sunday Coven on every 3rd Sunday, unless it fell on a Saturday, in which case the following Sunday.

However, in the 1970s, after the inexplicable disappearance of many of Scarfolk's old age pensioners (which, incidentally, coincided with a much-needed boost to the town's flagging sausage industry), the time-honoured method of how to correctly burn a book fell out of common knowledge. No one could remember how to do it because the traditional know-how had not been passed on to them.

The council had no choice but to publish 'How to Burn Books' (1970), which furnished people with the required skills for correct book burning.

Unfortunately, the book- and education-starved populace could not read and attempted, albeit clumsily, to burn all the copies before they had looked at them properly.

Frustrated, the council had no choice but reteach people how to read, or at least well enough for them to be able to read and comprehend the 2nd edition of 'How to Burn Books' (1978). Both editions, including the rare 1st edition, can be seen below.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-29971303515852392622014-09-24T12:04:00.001+01:002014-09-24T12:14:23.965+01:00"Scarbrand Pie Filling" Food Scare (1975)At harvest time in Scarfolk, families donated food, household items and other objects they were going to dispose of anyway, to people who were too indolent to go shopping themselves. Canned products were most often donated (because they are easier to throw), but that ceased in the mid-70s following a food scare.

Tests on Scarbrand's meat-flavoured pie fillings had shown that each can might contain up to 7% ergot-impregnated stoat faeces, which had most likely leaked from a farm that specially bred animals and children for pagan rituals.

Scarbrand admitted culpability but did not recall their products. They maintained that most customers weren't qualified or even clever enough to notice the contamination because the genuine, non-faecal ingredients were so similar in colour, texture and odour to the faeces that they were virtually indistinguishable.
Secondly, the hallucinogenic ergot content was so high that the vast majority of affected customers would not be able to remember their name, or even that they were human, much less complain about the pie filling.

Scarbrand's public relations director publicly ate stoat faeces to demonstrate that it would not have any adverse effects. However, when he and several consumers fell ill and tried to hijack a garden centre which they tried to drive to the Lake District, Scarbrand relented and advised consumers to discard the questionable 7% of their pie fillings. They even incorporated the message into their TV ad campaigns.
"Only greedy people eat ALL their food. Scientists have proven that eating more than 93% of your food could affect your health".

By the end of the 1970s, with no improvement in consumer health, Scarbrand was forced to provide the ergot-laced stoat faeces in a separate sachet.

Click to enlarge
Scarfolk Councilhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-21297464530899816512014-09-17T10:00:00.002+01:002014-09-17T10:00:41.589+01:00North Scarfolk Independence & the "Unity Wall" (1974)Back in 1973, residents of sparsely-populated North Scarfolk wrote to Father Christmas and asked if they could have independence. The North Scarfolkians had long felt that South Scarfolk had taken advantage of their natural resources - seashells - which they painted with pretty colours and glued together to make funny little characters and animals. These novelty items were valued as far afield as Wales.

Scarfolk Council eventually acquiesced. It granted North Scarfolk its independence and made it a gift of an unassailable, wall-shaped monument to celebrate its new-found sovereignty. The 'Unity Wall', as the south preferred to call it, also provided protection and comfort: The council was worried that North Scarfolkians might inadvertently fall off cliffs into the sea, so it made sure that the wall completely surrounded North Scarfolk. Positioned along its length were armed 'monument curators and attendants' who protected the wall for the North Scarfolkians and made sure they didn't accidentally wander out.

Occasionally, a few bad-mannered people from the North, who did not appreciate this artistic symbol of harmony, tried to spoil it for everyone else by attacking the wall, and the curators were forced to benevolently shoot these people for the sake of peace and brotherly understanding.

But on the whole, Scarfolk Council found North Scarfolk to be both amicable and manageable, so much so that it sent all its criminals to live there, presumably so that they could learn from their virtuous neighbours.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-47651753069418256582014-09-10T09:31:00.001+01:002014-09-10T09:31:57.553+01:00'Hand Amnesty' (1972)You may recall that we recently touched on crime in Scarfolk. One ubiquitous problem was 'subconscious crime', which was so prevalent in the 1970s that the council was forced to take drastic measures. Although it had complete faith in the integrity and innocence of it citizens, the council did not trust their hands. What were the town's approx. 80,000 hands doing and who were they talking to? There was no way of effectively monitoring or policing the situation.

That's why in 1972 the council offered its first Hand Amnesty and announced that no legal action would be taken against citizens if they turned in their hands to the police. A week before the amnesty date, each home received through the post a parcel containing a local anaesthetic, a miniature hacksaw (or sharp spoon, for working class families) and a raspberry lolly (as an incentive to carry out the necessary procedure).

However, many citizens were confused. If their hands had committed crimes without them being aware of it, how would they know if they were guilty or not? The average person had neither the time nor the resources to systematically surveil their own hands.

Council guidelines suggested the following:

1. If you are already conscious of your subconscious crime please take advantage of the amnesty and surrender your hands to the police.

2. If you do not recall committing a crime, it is likely that your conscious mind is suppressing the memory of committing a crime. Please take advantage of the amnesty and surrender your hands to the police.

If you fail to comply with either 1. or 2. you will be visited by council surgeons.
They are on hand 24 hours a day to give you a hand handing in your hands.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-8417232526119638772014-09-03T16:29:00.000+01:002014-09-03T16:29:49.612+01:00"Childcare Skills" (New Scarfolk Library, 1972)One health- or community-care professional per 10,000 citizens had long been considered extravagant so when the region was hit by a recession in 1972, Scarfolk Council was forced to make cuts. To reduce costs but maintain the workforce, the council shrewdly decided to employ only people who suffered from multiple personality disorders.

For example, Scarfolk's under-12s coven had always operated with a fulltime staff of 7 with an extra position for a sacrificial martyr, who was employed on a short, fixed-term contract. After the cutbacks were introduced, the coven was reduced to one staff member, Donald Kissme, who fulfilled all 7 fulltime roles with 7 separate personalities, not to mention a couple of superfluous ones, including a 18th century pirate and a Swiss truck driver with cathisophobia.

The short-term, sacrificial martyr positions were not subject to cutbacks as they helped reduce expenditure in the region's orphanages and state-run elderly care homes.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-17297466914382419782014-08-18T11:17:00.000+01:002014-08-18T11:17:21.665+01:00Investigation & Prosecution Pigeons (1973-1979)

In the 1970s the government realised that more crimes were being committed than was technically possible. This was partly due to the fact that 31% of crimes were fabricated by the government to keep citizens in a constant state of anxiety. To maintain its own credibility, the government banned the use of contraceptives for 3 months per year in the hope that the population would rise and thus generate the citizens required to meet the implausible high crime figures.

The scheme backfired when the new population proved to comprise largely blameless, model citizens. However, the government was not convinced of their apparent virtue and created a special, combined investigation & prosecution squad. It invested birds, insects and other animals with the full power of a law court and trained them to spy on citizens, assuming that guilt would inevitably be detected.

In addition to pigeons (see below), there were crack teams of sparrows, cats, butterflies, stoats and tuna, but there were also 'lone wolf' operatives, the most infamous of which was a ladybird who everyone knew as Two-Spots Bailey, though his real identity remains a mystery to this day.

For more about animals being converted into surveillance devices please see the book "Discovering Scarfolk"

Scarfolk Councilhttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-51063448196081807662014-08-08T16:12:00.002+01:002014-08-08T16:12:18.778+01:00'Junior Will & Testament' (1977)'Junior Will & Testament' (see newspaper advertisement below) was produced by Scarfolk Legal Games & Documents Ltd. While it familiarised children with the inevitability of their demises in a fun way, it also introduced them to their civic obligations. For example, many children were not aware that, like adults, they were subject to death duty.

Any child who owned more than 20 toys at the time of its passing was expected to part with 26.5% of them; 50% for more than 40 toys. After several years of the 'grave game tax', as it become known colloquially, the council noticed that many of the toys it was receiving in payment were clearly not the children's favourite toys.

From then on council workers would audit children every year to make sure that they weren't hiding away their most treasured toys. Particularly untrustworthy were very poorly children. Upon admission into a hospital, the council would confiscate children's possessions until their passing - the council couldn't take the risk that a frightened child may be tempted to withhold a favoured toy during its time of need.

In 1979, the millions of collected toys were melted down and made into an enormous, inflatable bouncy castle for politicians to play in on their many days off work.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-2937356440728840702014-07-29T15:27:00.002+01:002014-07-29T19:48:34.257+01:001970s "Inspirational posters"In 1970s comic books and newspapers one could usually find advertisements offering posters, iron-on transfers, sew-on patches and T-shirts arranged by theme or subject matter: movie and TV stars, cartoon characters, pop stars, infant felons, etc.

Inspirational or motivational posters were also very popular, particularly among people who had few thoughts of their own and believed that pithy phrases containing as few syllables as possible somehow furnished them with something akin to a personality.

Scarfolk Council monitored the content of all posters to ensure that only quotes with moral integrity found their way onto the walls of citizens. To this end, the council turned to the tried-and-tested morality of spiritual and religious texts such as the Bible.

Here is a small selection of these posters from the council archive.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-6349194912518372142014-07-20T10:43:00.000+01:002014-07-20T10:43:58.880+01:00"Severed Up" Psychic Advertising (1978)In the late 1970s the police were struggling to solve several brutal crimes.

They turned to two Scarfolk psychics, Terry and Jasmine Oiltoad, a married couple who also ran a thriving advertising agency with a unique, supernatural selling point: Terry and Jasmine could psychically channel the victims of crimes, but only, strangely, if product placement was incorporated into their trances.

Deep in a clairvoyant daze, they would strategise national marketing campaigns, design advertising mock-ups for print, write product slogans, and even design storyboards for TV commercials. Psychic clues would somehow filter through Terry and Jasmine's subconscious into the promotional material.

Only when the campaigns were officially launched could Terry and Jasmine snap out of their trances and furnish the police with tangible details, such as the precise location of a murder or kidnap victim.

The advertisements themselves were littered with cryptic clues, as can be seen from the magazine ad below for Severed Up soft drinks. The razor logo and copy in this psychic-advertisement eventually led to the apprehension of a criminal known as the "Fizzy Razorblade Killer," though her real name was Helen Cradle, a 7 year old pupil from Scarfolk Infant School, who was also a known embezzler and quite good at geography and maths.

Psychic advertising was outlawed in 1979 when three major corporations were found to have ordered several murders in an effort to be included in popular psychic advertising campaigns.Scarfolk Councilhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-51974403991440514442014-07-13T12:59:00.000+01:002014-07-13T12:59:07.371+01:00"Gaol!" Weekly (1970-79)Sports were banned in Scarfolk (see upcoming book for further details). However, a legal loophole permitted the playing of ancient games, as long as they were an integral part of a religious ritual.

Mayan football and other sacrifice-based Mesoamerican ballgames, which often employed human heads or skulls instead of balls, became all the rage. Not only were these early games fun and exciting, but they also gave citizens the opportunity to use up any surplus of tourists that had become ensnared in traps during the summer season.

"Gaol!" weekly was the number-one selling football publication at the time and each issue included a pull-out poster of a hat or toupee once worn by the longest serving 'headballs', the most popular of which was Mr. Kenneth Trampel of Ramsgate, Kent, who was a veteran of 22 games until his left ear fell off.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-58020371092119835322014-07-08T10:12:00.000+01:002014-07-08T10:12:09.585+01:00Family Planning & Recycling (1972-1979)An adult's social status in 1970s Scarfolk was in part determined by the worth of its offspring. However, until 1972 there was no central mechanism in place to define and classify a child's usefulness (or lack thereof).

Scarfolk Council was the first in the UK to implement the MVS (Minor Value System), which not only assessed the qualities and flaws of each child, but also ranked them in order of financial worth.

Though a very small percentage of parents could retire on the proceeds from the private sale of their offspring, many were disappointed to learn that their children were not as profitable as they had hoped. In 1975, 42% of Scarfolk's young were found to be less valuable than an inflatable garden paddling pool and 8.5% were only as valuable as a can of tuna.

To stop the abandonment of unwanted children at motorway service stations, the government created a scheme that enabled parents to sell their unsatisfactory progeny to the council at a fixed price. Parents welcomed the scheme and hundreds of children disappeared from Scarfolk homes overnight.

Coincidentally, the price of pet food plummeted and the safety of pharmaceutical products increased.

Scarfolk Councilhttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-44459590378334399262014-06-28T11:14:00.001+01:002014-06-28T12:59:54.167+01:00Scarfolk Music & Indoctrination Festival (1970s)Scarfolk Council did not approve of popular music unless it could be utilised as an indoctrination tool. In fact, most music was banned unless it contained subliminal messages which had been approved by the council's department of social education.

Scarfolk's first music festival in 1973 was only given the go ahead with the stipulation that all bands play songs which contain backmasked content. Additionally, they had to perform the songs backwards so that the subliminal messages could clearly be heard and understood by the audience.

Infamously, local prog-group Beige's* performance of their 3-hour epic song-cycle about a school gym teacher with single-personality disorder contained subliminal elements that triggered mass hysteria. Many audience members hallucinated seeing in the sky the shape of satan with a trident, though others argued that it looked more like an intercontinental travel plug.

*For more information about Beige go here.About mehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-36291103736871423152014-06-25T10:53:00.000+01:002014-06-25T11:33:19.160+01:00"Get Angled. Not Mangled" Public Information (1973-1979)By the mid-1970s, the list of officially recognised hazards far outnumbered the list of non-hazardous. In fact, the only situation that the council approved as being completely risk free was the state of being deceased*.

Because each of the myriad hazards had its own detailed safety guidelines, citizens became easily confused, and the council was under pressure to create one safety procedure that could be adopted in any given scenario.

Experts eventually developed 'kneeling at an angle' which they determined could protect a person from the following dangers: an attack by a rabid animal, falling out of a seventh storey window, a chip pan fire or nuclear attack, being electrocuted by a feral robot, being thrown by a professional wrestler.

The slogan 'Get angled. Not mangled' was drummed into school children, who were submitted to regular angle drills.

* However, the council did acknowledge that a dead person might be in danger of post-mortem perdition. For this eventuality the council published a separate, non-denominational pamphlet which prepared the reader for an eternity of discomfort in the hell or hell-like place of his or her choice. Advice included taking a change of clothing, doing regular exercise and eating Kiwi fruit.About mehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-88643387678131550682014-06-15T21:12:00.001+01:002014-06-15T21:12:09.454+01:00"Ethnic Cleansing Playset" (Scartoys, 1972)Scarfolk parents thought it was crucial that their children play with educational toys. This was to help familiarise youngsters with the everyday items that would be indispensable to their adult lives: Vacuum cleaners and kitchenware for girls, for example, and for boys the M1941 Johnson Light Machine Gun, or the M4 Sherman Tank with the 75mm M3/40 cannon.

Toys like the 'Ethnic Cleansing Playset' from Scartoys also taught children invaluable life-lesson skills, such as how to defend oneself against marauding foreigners whose homeland you have decimated for either selfish economic gain, or for parochial, sanctimonious, religious reasons.

Most importantly, over time, such toys inculcated in the child the belief that though the righteousness of their actions was self-evident, they needn't be mundane; they could also be fun.

Click to enlarge

About mehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-27180775831254138382014-06-05T08:42:00.000+01:002014-06-05T08:42:13.718+01:00Organ Tax & live organ postal services (1971-1978)If a Scarfolk citizen failed to pay his annual Organ Tax, the organ in question could be turned off by the council, and if further warning letters were ignored the organ might be completely uninstalled by council workers, known as Offalbailiffs.

Many old people, as well as unemployed single parents, couldn't afford to pay the usurious Organ Tax, and frequently made ends meet by selling their innards to pay off outstanding debts.

This mounting problem was eventually brought to the public's attention when 82 year old pensioner Marjorie Pierce was discovered to have sold 17 human kidneys and 5 lungs, all of which she alleged were her own. However, the two spleens she traded were revealed to be two frozen, oven-ready lasagnes.

Charity organisations, such as The Insides Foundation, collected internal organs from wealthier citizens, which school children personally delivered in buckets to those less fortunate. However, when children began turning up in hospital emergency rooms suffering from the effects of purloined kidneys and pilfered spleens the practice stopped.

Organ donors instead turned to Scarfolk Royal Mail who quickly started offering special postal services, as can be seen from the advertisement below.

About mehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-36452543330556710982014-05-29T11:54:00.004+01:002014-05-29T12:00:33.217+01:00"Clay Stool" TV theme tune (Klofracs Records, 1973)The theme tune from "Clay Stool," a popular 1970s children's daytime TV programme for 4 to 7 year olds, was released as a single in 1973 under the title "Demons Come In All Shapes & Sizes."

"Clay Stool" acquired its name from a form of medieval punishment for witchcraft. Originally, alleged witches were strapped to a wooden chair - a ducking stool - then plunged into a river. If they sank they were innocent, if they floated they were in league with the devil and summarily executed.

Samuel Revile, a local priest and freelance misogynist, wondered if ducking stools, which were traditionally festooned with dozens of inflated pigs' bladders, colourful helium balloons, and tethered albatrosses had something to do with the high numbers of people being found guilty.

Revile set about inventing the heavier "clay stool." A year after its introduction 100% of accused witches, mostly women, had plummeted to the riverbed where they drowned, proving their innocence.

Revile's work also alerted communities to the dangers of balloons. It was they, he maintained, not the women, that floated and were therefore in league with Satan. To this day, people who make balloon animals are considered unholy and are barred from church jumble sales.

Though Revile revolutionalised the justice system by inventing compassionate torture, he inadvertently caused widespread redundancies in the execution sector.

Listen to the single here:

Or watch the video here:

 About mehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-29662250885447913702014-05-23T10:14:00.000+01:002014-05-29T21:40:33.087+01:00"Martyr Maid" Ice Cream (1970s)In the 1970s, arcane cults and religious orders secretly funded multinational corporations with the goal of illicitly proselytising or brainwashing. Though the cults often targeted children via products such as toys and confectionery, including ice cream, as can be seen from the image below, adult virgins were also in great demand.

The aim was to subliminally indoctrinate a person over many years, so that by the time they came of age and were ready to be recruited, a cult's beliefs and rituals would not appear inappropriate, dangerous or even fatal.

This was especially true for people who were designated to become sacrifices to spirit deities, of which there were many in Scarfolk. One particularly insatiable deity was Rupert, a Robot Penguin Lord, who consumed so many sacrifices between 1970 and 1975 that he developed diabetes and put on so much weight that he had to completely replace his wardrobe.

About mehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-8391229972042875822014-05-12T10:46:00.000+01:002014-05-12T14:08:35.046+01:00"Old Coffins are Death Traps" Public Information Poster (1975)The recession of the 1970s gave Scarfolk Council no choice but to raise the age of retirement to 95 for men and 92 years, 36 months for women. This meant that when some people died they had not, in the eyes of the state, completed paying their dues to society.

All across Scarfolkshire coffins were exhumed and the cadavers put to work in the community. Fresher examples were dissected by children in biology classes or used in experiments by pharmaceutical and cosmetic firms. Less fresh cadavers served as scarecrows, supply teachers or junior ministers.

All this meant that hundreds of discarded coffins littered Britain's conurbations and countryside. Before long, Scarfolk's runaway children gathered the coffins in their thousands to made shanty-town-styled coffin 'cities' on the outskirts of urban areas. These settlements, which were given names such as 'Gravesend' and 'Bury', were pronounced death traps and a special branch of the police, called the Necropolice, were called in to dismantle the sites. Riots broke out and many police and children alike accidentally died after receiving nasty splinters. Despite this loss of life, thousands of pounds in funeral costs were saved as no new coffins were needed.

About mehttp://email@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-87392118754919510452014-05-01T15:20:00.000+01:002014-05-01T15:27:34.144+01:00"Ask a Policeman" poster (1979)Crime was always one aspect of policing that hindered the police force from doing its job. That's why, in 1975, the department of justice proposed the radical idea of cutting back on the numbers of crimes that would be tolerated during any given year.

The 1975 crime figures were as high as 100,000, but by 1977 the total number had been reduced to 65,000. This was largely due to a polite but firm public information campaign which targeted offenders, informing them of the new, official crime ration, and explaining just how much pressure the average police officer was under.

Many lawbreakers were sensitive to the needs of the police and either stopped committing crimes completely or only committed those that were legal. Many helped out by leaving incriminating evidence at the scenes of crimes and in 1979 a consortium of gangland bosses even held a charity knee-capping event, the proceeds of which went to the police pedicure fund.

About mehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-45192044279872108882014-04-18T11:37:00.000+01:002014-04-18T12:05:58.577+01:00Jellied Babies (late 1970s)This week's theme of human consumption continues with this popular Jellied Babies confectionery packaging from the late 1970s.

It's that time of the year when people tear unborn offspring away from incarcerated, drugged, distraught adults, paint them lurid colours, as if to mock them, then devour the helpless, would-be babies in front of the tormented parents. It's a bit like an annual jolly pogrom.

However, in the spirit of fairness, people in Scarfolk believed that chickens should not be the only creatures to lose their young during the festive spring period. Rabbit and otter eggs were also frequently consumed in Scarfolk, and human orphans in aspic were a particular favourite. Jellied Babies went into production after the council realised that the cost of foster care was prohibitive, especially because funds were needed for more beneficial things, such as quality garden furniture for the second homes of politicians.

In general, child donation can actually be financially lucrative. For example, when God sacrificed his own child for the good of society, he made sure he got a cut of the publishing and merchandising rights.

Happy Ēostre from Scarfolk Council.

Click to enlarge

If you have any unwanted children please write to: KiddyKomestibles Ltd, Scarfolk Industrial Park, SC1 6FG to arrange for a FREE pick up.About mehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-75188861665830580462014-04-15T15:45:00.002+01:002014-04-15T16:15:15.790+01:00"An End to Starvation?" (Pelican Books, 1973)Before the 1970s, the idea of reprocessing human body parts had only been officially proposed once. In 1790, Arnold Bumb, an alchemist, necromancer and avid shopper, suggested that amputated human limbs be surgically spliced onto livestock to make them more efficient. His pamphlet "The Duck With My Wife's Foot" was very popular among agriculturists (and fetishists) of the time.

But it wasn't until the 1970s, when poverty levels were at their highest since the the second world war, that the government published a white paper proposing a solution to Britain's impending food deficit.

Since the advent of modern medicine, hospitals had been incinerating post-operative surgical and biological waste, and to many people this was considered both uneconomical and unethical. In the early 1970s, a nationwide study into the numbers of body parts amputated annually showed that there were enough discarded limbs, organs and even hair, to feed a county the size of Lancashire, as long as people supplemented their diet with fingernail biting, thumb sucking, and by popping over the border into Yorkshire for an occasional pub lunch.

The government's trial schemes were so successful that some hospitals, such as Royal Wimpy Infirmary, St. McDonalds General and North Findus Hospital shifted away from healthcare and became fully-fledged food processors and suppliers.

About mehttp://firstname.lastname@example.com:blogger.com,1999:blog-6170354112296200777.post-86561323232932146102014-04-01T11:11:00.000+01:002014-04-15T16:47:18.536+01:00Follow the Country Code (1979)Scarfolk's farmers, like its firemen and policemen, are very delicate but have demanding jobs. Farmers wake up very early, often before lunchtime, to sing ballads to wheat fields, counsel anxious potatoes and smear themselves with shit.

They must also be able to communicate telepathically with livestock destined for ritual sacrifice. Pagan rites are complex and it's crucial that animals learn their lines and do exactly as they are instructed. Even the slightest deviation from standard procedure can lead to a faulty communion with the Nameless Lord of No Known Name, whom locals call Mr. Johnson for the sake of brevity.
Most sacrificial animals are fully aware of their fates and tend to mumble or mime their lines to delay the inevitable. It's not death that bothers them so much as being reincarnated as motorway service station employees.

A not very well hidden April Fools' bonus image is here
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Adding a homebuilt warning light to your data center
A clever combination of Nagios and a doityourself traffic lights lets you know how your network is feeling.
If you need to manage a large number of computers and services, Nagios is an excellent option. Nagios monitors computers, network connections, and servers, displaying the current health state of a web interface with the colors green (okay), yellow (warning), and red (critical). It is a pity that the web interface is so unobtrusive. If everything is quiet on the network front, an administrator can easily close the browser window and overlook the Nagios warning messages in the general flood of email traffic. One day, I decided there must be a better way. Luckily, Nagios is very easy to adapt and extend. With a little scripting and some cheap electronic hardware, I built a simple traffic light that can sit on top of a switch, cabinet, or desk to show the current network status.
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