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Fri Jan 31 2014
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Thu Jan 30 2014
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Wed Aug 07 2013
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Where New Yorkers Don't Vote
Where are people not voting in New York City municipal elections?
In other words, of the people who could vote (citizens age 18 and above), what's the rate of those who actually cast a ballot? We combined demographic data from the American Community Survey and voter history data from the New York City Board of Elections to color in census tracts by their level of voter participation.
Here's how we did it:
Who Voted in 2009?
For this map, we looked at voters in the 2009 municipal election (primary, runoff and/or general election). Although turnout in 2009 was relatively low, it remains the most up-to-date look at where municipal election voters were living in New York City. The Board of Elections has publicly available voter roll and voter history data which includes the address of each voter and which election they voted in, going back to the 1980s. To calculate the number of people who voted in each census tract, we geocoded and mapped the address of all voters in the 2009 election. After mapping the 2009 voters, we sorted them into census tracts by using the "points in polygon" function of an open-source mapping program called Quantum GIS.
Who is Eligible to Vote?
Using the most recent census tract-level demographic data (2011 American Community Survey 5-year estimates), we found the total number of citizens age 18 or older for each census tract in New York City.
Mapping It
We combined our calculations into a single shapefile, which we styled using Tilemill and hosted on Mapbox.
Because of the nature of the ACS data, we are unable to account for people that are in prison or on parole for a felony conviction, or adjudged mentally incompetent by a court, who do not have the right to vote. In addition to this, our map does not capture the moving that some residents have done since the 2009 election or the 2011 ACS survey. Despite these limitations, we feel that the map gives a clear overview of voter engagement in municipal elections.
How to Register
With the August 16 voter registration deadline quickly approaching, this map is a reminder that there are still many eligible voters in our city that are not yet voting. Here's our guide for registering to vote in New York and looking up your polling location.
— Jenny Ye
Wed Jul 10 2013
7 notes
4 Million Trips
That's what's under the hood for the Transit Time NYC map we launched today — showing subway travel times from any spot in NYC to the rest of the city.
The map was built with a lot of hard, smart work by Data News developer Steve Melendez to go with a story by Jim O'Grady, In Bloomberg's New York, The Poor Move Further Out, Lengthening Commutes.
We were inspired by Triptrop NYC, which I admired even before meeting — and admiring and working with — its creator, Jonathan Soma. Triptrop is a few years old now, and both web mapping and the subway system have changed. So, with Soma's blessing, we set out to make a new version.
We started with an overlay of New York City made up of 2,930 hexagons (1).
Melendez then installed a trip-planning program called OpenTripPlan onto four virtual computers in the Amazon cloud. Using the MTA's schedule data, he had the four copies of OpenTripPlan calculate the subway and walking time from the center of each hexagon to the center of every other — which comes to 4,290,985 trips (2).
It took the four computers almost a week.
When they were done, Melendez had a tiny data file for each hexagon (like this) containing the times to every other hexagon. When you click on the map, or enter an address, the program quickly downloads the corresponding hexagon's file and uses that info to color all of the tiles. (Here's the 33MB zip file with every hexagon's data as json).
Designer Louise Ma refined the colors and built the legend. Finally, overlaid the hexagons with a Mapbox layer that has translucent roads, transparent land and opaque water.
Have thoughts or questions? Tweet us @datanews and we'll reply asap.
— John Keefe
(1) We generated the hexagon grid in the open-source mapping program Quantum GIS using the MMQGIS plug-in. Here's that grid as a shapefile and as TopoJSON.
(2) 2,930 times 2,929 divided by two. We decided to halve our computing time by assuming the travel time between two points was roughly the same in one direction as it is in the other. Travel times were calculated for 9 a.m. on a weekday.
Tue Jul 09 2013
107 notes
Sun Nov 04 2012
5 notes
Predicting Questions, Building Answers
With hurricane Sandy churning far off the Florida coast, we began anticipating questions people would have around the storm. And then we tried to code answers to those questions as fast as we could.
In order, those questions turned out to be:
Where's the storm forecast to go? For this, we dusted off our Hurricane Tracker, built for hurricane Irene, and fed it with the National Weather Service data for Sandy. As with almost all of our work, we made it free and easy to embed, and many news outlets did.
What zone am I in? Again, we dusted off something made for Irene — our NYC Evacuation Zone Map. We updated it with better colors and areas newly designated as Zone A. We also published a project I'd been working on since Irene: a Storm Surge Map of the entire New York and New Jersey coastline.
Where's the storm now? As the storm approached land, we switched layers in the hurricane tracker from the forecast track to a real-time radar image.
What systems are closing, and when? We knew there was a good chance the subways and other transit services would be shut down ahead of the storm. We also knew that there was no single place where all of that information resided. So days before the storm, we built our Transit Tracker. Thanks to Steve Melendez coding it over the weekend, we had it running when officials announced the transit shutdown plans. As an added bonus, the tracker is fed by a Google spreadsheet, so multiple producers can update it simultaneously.
Where's the water rising? With everything shuttered, we wanted to help people watch the storm's effects in real time. The National Weather Service maintains a network of flood-level monitors on the coast and on inland rivers. We took a feed off that system and modified it slightly to show pop-up charts for our Flood Gauge Watch — which we monitored through the storm.
As the storm hit, Melendez and I worked at WNYC under backup power making minor fixes and trying to catch up on our election-night mapping project.
After the storm, the team tackled two more questions:
What's the traffic like? We heard traffic was gridlocked as people returned to work Wednesday, so we resurfaced our Traffic Map to show the trouble spots — which included most of Manhattan.
Which subway lines are open? Anticipating the subway system would open in stages, we wanted give people a map as the restoration progressed. I guessed that the MTA would provide a list of partially-open lines before they had maps, so Louise Ma built a beautiful base map from files left over from our Lost Subways project and prepared to update it. Melendez found a clever way to let people to pan and zoom it like a Google map. But I was wrong: The MTA issued clear PDF maps right away, so we scrapped Ma's map and fed the official version into Melendez's Changing Trains app.
There's a lot more we wished we could have done — and could have done better. That may be the subject of another post. But we hope we what we made provided answers when they were needed.
- John Keefe
Tue Oct 02 2012
5 notes
Mapping NYC's Republicans
As the Republican National Convention kicked off in August, we put up this map locating the concentrations of Republicans in NYC, a notoriously Democratic stronghold:
At the time, we promised to post the data we used to make the map. Then we got swamped!
But here's the shapefile with the data embedded. As the map above says, it's based on voter rolls and district lines as of April 2011, and filters for people who've voted since 2004. That's because an "active" voter is generally considered someone who has voted over the course of the last two presidential elections.
- By John Keefe
Fri Apr 29 2011
6 notes
Sharing Our NYPD Precinct Data
By John Keefe
No sense keeping good data to yourself.
The map below went with these excellent WNYC stories about low-level marijuana arrests in New York City. After building it, I ended up with some data files that could be useful to others crunching population data by NYPD precinct. So we're sharing them here.
The trick to doing this analysis was to determine the populations of each precinct. But the US Census Bureau doesn't break down numbers that way. So I took the smallest Census unit — the block — and determined which blocks were in which precincts.
(I worked with PostgreSQL, PostGIS and QGIS, along with the generosity and insights of Jeff Larson and Al Shaw at ProPublica, and Jonathan Soma at Balance Coop.)
Data For You
Each of the following files are kept on Google Fusion Tables. You can use them there, or download them to your computer using File -> Export.
• precinct_block_key.csv is the Rosetta Stone for this project. It has two columns: each block's identifier, which the Census calls "GEOID10," and the precinct in which that block sits. Note that some blocks aren't in any precinct, usually because they're actually in the water.
• NYC_Blocks_2010CensusData_Plus_Precincts contains base-level 2010 Census data for each block, married to the precinct for that block. A nice Fusion Tables trick is to pick View -> Aggregate, check "Sum" for the columns you want and then, lower down, chose to aggregate by precinct. Then you get totals for each precinct. For descriptions of the population columns, get this rather large PDF from the Census Bureau and jump to page 6-21 (Updated: Or, go to the page online with DocumentCloud.)
• NYC_Police_Precinct_Shapes_4326 is the official police precinct map converted into a Google Map-friendly projection. I've used the fantastic tool shpescape.com to upload my transformed shape file to Fusion Tables, where it's easy to play with.
I've done my best to be accurate in computing the intersection of blocks and precincts, even generating precinct maps and inspecting them visually. But errors may exist.
In fact, they do exist. While Census blocks generally fall nicely within precinct outlines, they don't always. In particular, three blocks significantly straddle two precincts. If you're doing very precise analysis, you'll want to account for them:
• Block 360470071002003: An area near the north end of the Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn. About half is in Precinct 76 and half in Precinct78. Total people: 51
• Block 360050096002000: Mainly industrial. Half in Precinct 76, half in Precinct 78. Total people: 5.
• Block 360610265003001: This block consists of five similar-sized apartment buildings near the GW Bridge. The northern three buildings are in Precinct 34, and the southern two are in Precinct 33. Looks like roughly a 60/40 split of the 687 living there.
If you find this information useful, drop me a note or post a comment below. We'd love to know about it.
Sat Mar 26 2011
1 note
Making the WNYC Census Map
By John Keefe
When the New York census numbers arrived this week, we were ready. WNYC quickly published an interactive, sharable map so New Yorkers — and our reporters — could explore the new data and see the stories.
We built the map with free tools and timely help from some smart, kind people.
The short story is that we mashed together population numbers and geographic shapes using Google Fusion Tables, and then used JavaScript and Fusion Tables' mapping features to make things pretty and interactive.
The long story is meandering and full of wrong turns. But here are the highlights, should anyone need a little navigation. Don't hesitate to contact me for more help and insight; I'm due to pay some forward.
Getting in Shape
First up: Shapes of the census tracts plotted on Earth. I downloaded New York's tracts from the U.S. Census Bureau's TIGER/Line Shapefile page. They also have counties, blocks, zip codes, and more.
Then I uploaded this "shapefile" — actually collection of related files zipped together — to Fusion Tables with a free, online tool called Shpescape. (Thanks to Google's Rebecca Shapley for sharing this key to my puzzle.)
Hello, Data
Census data is publicly available, but can be a hassle to handle. In fact, on the day each state's info was released, the files were available in a set that apparently requires one of two pricey programs — SAS or Microsoft Access — to assemble.
So I got clean, assembled, comma-delimited files — complete with 2000-to-2010 comparisons — from the USA Today census team, which provided them as a courtesy to members of Investigative Reporters and Editors. Huge props to Anthony DeBarros and Paul Overberg, who crunched the New York numbers in a blazing 30 minutes.
By the way, IRE membership is $60 for professionals and $25 for students. Well worth it, and cheaper than either of those programs. If you're digging into census numbers and qualify, I recommend this route.
That said, every state's 2010 data is now available free from the Census Bureau's American Fact Finder. Navigating the site is a little tricky, and worth a separate post, but the bureau provides some tutorials, and there's very detailed PDF about each data field.
With data in hand, I uploaded it to Google Fusion Tables in another table.
Map Making
Next, I merged the shapes table and population table, using the unique tract ID to marry the data (the shape file calls it GEOID10. the IRE data calls it FULLTRACT). Note that the GEOID10 is formatted differently depending on whether you're using tracts, blocks, counties, etc., so be sure you've got the right match in both files.
Clicking Visualize -> Map shows a map. It'll be all default-red until you click on Configure Styles -> Fill Colors -> Gradient (or ->Buckets) and make different colors appear depending on values in the column of your choice.
Using the Share button makes the map viewable by others, and "Get embeddable link" does just that.
Adding Prettiness
I used the Fusion Tables "Configure info window" option to make custom pop-up bubbles on our maps. This actually required some nicer-looking data, such as a columns with rounded percentages and + or – signs. I added these using the free R statistical program, which I learned how to do from The New York Times' Amanda Cox at the 2011 Computer Assisted Reporting conference.)
Census tracts officially extend to the state lines, which made it look like a lot of people live in the Hudson River. So I had trimmed those tracts to the shorelines with a free mapping program called QGIS, using water shapefiles as a reference (those are here, in the drop-down menu).
After creating 12 merged Fusion Tables, I pulled them into one page using JavaScript and jQuery, with fantastic guidance from Joe Germuska at the Chicago Tribune (part of the team that built this great map).
The "Share/Embed this view" feature came together in two parts: 1) The JavaScript turns the current the latitude, longitude, zoom level and current map choice into a long URL that pops up when you click the Share/Embed link. 2) Using a nifty jQuery plug-in, the map looks for those values in the URL that summoned it, and reorients to that map if they exist.
Prep Work
Clearly, not all of this could happen in a couple of hours on Data Day. I'd been tinkering, testing and tweaking for a few weeks using New Jersey's data, which came out much earlier.
I also wrote down, edited and revised every step I took to make the maps. So when the adrenaline was running I had a script to follow.
The WNYC Web Team also set up a slick, fresh project server, at project.wnyc.org, to host the html pages and track the traffic.
Fusion Function
Using Google Fusion Tables made it super easy to manage, map and serve up a lot of data. And the FT feedback team was fantastic about responding to questions and glitches I encountered along the way.
I did run into a couple of hiccups: slow load times and pop-up bubbles that failed to pop up. The first was a product of displaying so much data — and I knew I was pushing things. The second was a Google glitch that their engineers managed to fix within a few hours, but was still spotty at times afterward.
Also, the Google Map engine starts dropping shapes when there are too many to show. So I funneled different counties' data into almost a dozen different layers, a workaround the Google folks showed me ahead of time.
That said, I had time to code and tweak lots of neat things because I didn't have to focus on building or running a database engine. Google's free services took care of that.
What Could Be Better?
Probably a lot. I wanted to let people to add comments, right on the map, but didn't have the chops or time to pull that off.
Another good thing would be a "Loading …" indicator displayed while the map data is pulled into your browser, which I may yet add.
But what couldn't have been better was everything I learned, the help I got from other data folks and the support from my WNYC colleagues. Plus we gave New Yorkers a pretty nifty service and several great stories.
Need more details? Feel free to ask questions in the comments. Or drop us a line. We'll try to help, too.


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Tag: jeans
These hideously ugly, radiation-blocking jeans are apparently great for your iPhone
You know what they say about functionality: "It's always better to look like a fool than have a few specks of dust on your iPhone." Wait, nobody ever said that? What you see above are a pair of WTFJeans, which are designed specifically for iPhone users. To that end, they feature microfiber-lined...
TUAW's Daily App: BeSpeak
Our friends at luxury blog Luxist have discovered an app that's perfect for my lack of fashion sense. Given some basic information about how you look (eye/hair color, height, and body shape), it will give tips for men's fashion. It doesn't just tell you what colors to wear, though; it tells you...
Levi's announces iPod-ready jeans
If you love your Levi's as much as you love your iPod, you're gonna love this. Levi's has announced the launch of its new Redwire DLX Jeans, complete with features for carrying and controlling your iPod. No photos were released, so close your eyes and picture this. The jeans will have: A...
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subset: commoncrawl


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Pimples on your buttocks? Stinky feet? We've got the answers to 10 of your most blush-worthy health questions.
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
Discover common causes of and remedies for heartburn.
This common yet mysterious bowel condition plagues millions of Americans
Don't get burned again. Banish nighttime heartburn with these quick tips
A recent study takes a closer look at how MedHelp and other online communities provide advice and support for ovarian cancer patients.


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Duke Ellington composed music covering an extraordinary range of themes. His 12-song suite Such Sweet Thunder is not among his better-known works, but it is a beautiful and thoughtful piece of music that possesses all the coloration, dynamics and swing that Ellington is known for. Delfeayo Marsalis has been fascinated with this work for years [...]
Tag Archives: Such Sweet Thunder
Delfeayo Marsalis, Sweet Thunder (Troubadour Jass)
April 1, 2011 – 12:46 am
By John Swenson | Posted in Reviews | Also tagged Branford Marsalis, Delfeayo Marsalis, Duke Ellington, Jason Marsalis, jazz, Shakespeare, Victor Goines | Comments (0)
Clarke Peters Guests at NOJO Valentine Show
February 15, 2011 – 10:41 am
Last night, Irvin Mayfield and the New Orleans Jazz Orchestra performed "Shakespeare in Love" at the Contemporary Arts Center. The show revisited Duke Ellington's Shakespeare-inspired Such Sweet Thunder suite with Harry Shearer reciting Shakespeare's sonnets. Clarke Peters (who plays Albert Lambreaux on Treme) made an unscheduled appearance to recite from Othello from his cell phone.
By Erika Goldring | Posted in News | Also tagged Duke Ellington, Erika Goldring, Harry Shearer, Irvin Mayfield, NOJO, photo, Shakespeare | Comments (0)
Irvin Mayfield and NOJO Spread the Love of Ellington
February 14, 2011 – 11:26 am
Irvin Mayfield loves similes. When contrasting listening to a record versus attending a concert, he says, "It's like watching the Food Network and then going to the restaurant and eating that dish." When discussing the dynamics of playing as a collective group of jazz musicians, he says, "It's like sex. Just because one guy has [...]
By Kate Russell | Posted in News | Also tagged Contemporary Arts Center, Duke Ellington, Irvin Mayfield, New Orleans Jazz Orchestra, NOJO, Valentine's Day | Comments (0)


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Friday, October 31, 2014
No Child Left Behind - Espanol
No Child Left Behind - English
Come out and join us for the following events!!
November 7th is the Fall Festival
November 12 is Clubs and Organizations Night
(Pizza will be served)
We hope to see you there to join in the fun!!!
Southside ISD has implemented Bully Reporter!
Want to know how it works? Click Here for more information.
Need to make a report? Click Here
You can also go to http://southsideisd.org/
Our doors open & breakfast begins at 8:00 am
The TARDY BELL rings at 8:35 am- Be on TIME!
Tardies = Detention!
1st period begins 8:40 am
Students will be released at 4:15 pm


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Tyler, the Creator Throws a Birthday Party for Los Angeles Morning Show Hosts
By Jeremy Gordon on September 23, 2014 at 4:49 p.m. EDT
This morning, Odd Future ringleader Tyler, the Creator appeared on the morning news show on Los Angeles' KTLA, promoting the upcoming Camp Flog Gnaw Carnival. He gave a fairly routine, surprisingly straightforward interview about Odd Future and what motivates him as an artist. But then he added a twist: Halfway through, Odd Future member Jasper came out with balloons and cake to help Tyler throw a birthday party for all the KTLA hosts. Of course, it was no one's birthday. Watch it below.
Odd Future Launch Radio Station
By Molly Beauchemin on September 11, 2014 at 11:56 p.m. EDT
Odd Future have launched a 24-hour commercial-free radio station in partnership with Dash Radio, FADER reports. The channel will premiere tonight at 9 PM PST, and will run 24 hours, 7 days a week through dashradio.com. Tune in at 9 PM PST for the inaugural programming.
Pharrell, Rick Ross, Action Bronson, Tyler, Earl, Trash Talk, More to Play Odd Future Carnival
By Jeremy Gordon on August 7, 2014 at 3:01 p.m. EDT
Odd Future has announced the lineup for its third annual Camp Flog Gnaw Carnival. Tyler, the Creator's eternal hero Pharrell will headline, while Rick Ross, Action Bronson, Freddie Gibbs, Vince Staples, Trash Talk, Murs, Cherry Glazerr, Vince Staples, and Mac Miller will also perform. The whole Odd Future gang—including Tyler, Earl Sweatshirt (with his DJ Billy Jole project), the Internet, Hodgy Beats, Left Brain, Domo Genesis, and Mike G—will also be there.
Earl Sweatshirt and Tyler, the Creator Star in Odd Future's Loiter Squad "Beyond Scared Straight" Parody
By Jeremy Gordon on July 29, 2014 at 3:07 p.m. EDT
A new sketch from Odd Future's "Loiter Squad" comedy show is a parody of A&E's "Beyond Scared Straight". Earl Sweatshirt plays the prison guard who's responsible for getting those rambunctious teens (featuring one Tyler, the Creator, as you can see above) to settle down. There's a twist, as Sweatshirt isn't necessarily who he says he is. Watch it below, via Miss Info.
Tyler, the Creator Makes Fun of Rap Videos With "I Just Bought a Bugatti (I'm Happy)" Featuring IceJJFish
By Jeremy Gordon on June 6, 2014 at 2:28 p.m. EDT
Tyler, the Creator may hate rap these days, but he clearly doesn't hate making fun of it. In a new "Loiter Squad" sketch, the Odd Future ringleader dresses up as his Young Nigga alter ego to drop "I Just Bought a Bugatti (I'm Happy)", a ridiculous little video that features cameos from the Odd Future gang, dozens of fake guns (and one bazooka), and a soul-piercing vocal from Ice JJ Fish, the viral singer you might remember from that one awful, awful "Drunk in Love" cover. It's wonderful. Watch it below via Consequence of Sound.
Seth Rogen Gets Beat Up by Tyler, the Creator and Earl Sweatshirt on Odd Future's "Loiter Squad"
By Jeremy Gordon on May 22, 2014 at 4:42 p.m. EDT
Seth Rogen makes an appearance on tonight's episode of "Loiter Squad", the Odd Future sketch comedy show. He dresses up like a little girl and throws a football in a park before getting the snot pummeled out of him by Earl Sweatshirt and Tyler, the Creator. It's pretty silly, but also very short. Watch it below, via Entertainment Weekly.
Watch Tyler, the Creator and Earl Sweatshirt Perform GTA V Track "Garbage" at the VGX Awards
By Carrie Battan on December 9, 2013 at 10:22 a.m. EST
This weekend's VGX Awards—the annual show honoring the best video games of the year—was, naturally, a Grand Theft Auto V lovefest. Accordingly, Tyler, the Creator and Earl Sweatshirt teamed up for a performance of "Garbage", the song Tyler did for the GTA V soundtrack. And they did it in zany suits, because why not.
Watch Odd Future's Horror Movie The Ghost of the Hotel, Starring Tyler, Earl, and More
By Amy Phillips and Jenn Pelly on November 1, 2013 at 12:26 a.m. EDT
Happy end of Halloween. To celebrate, Odd Future have shared a silly homemade six-and-a-half minute horror movie called The Ghost of the Hotel. It stars Earl Sweatshirt, Tyler, the Creator, Taco, Jasper Dolphin, and Lionel Boyce goofing around and investigating a series of ghost-related murders in, yes, a hotel.
Stream Earl Sweatshirt's New Album, Doris
By Jenn Pelly on August 15, 2013 at 3:06 p.m. EDT
Odd Future's Earl Sweatshirt will release his new LP, Doris, on August 20 through his own Tan Cressida imprint on Columbia Records. He's let go several tracks already-- "Chum", "Guild", "Whoa", "Hive", "Burgundy"-- and today Earl shared the entire thing via the Odd Future Tumblr. Stream it here. Doris features contributions from Frank Ocean, RZA, Tyler, the Creator, Mac Miller, and Domo Genesis, among others.
Download Odd Future Project Jet Age of Tomorrow's JellyFish Mentality Mixtape
By Jenn Pelly on May 24, 2013 at 3:06 p.m. EDT
The Jet Age of Tomorrow: "ON!" (via SoundCloud)
Odd Future affiliates the Jet Age of Tomorrow have released a new mixtape, The JellyFish Mentality. The Jet Age of Tomorrow includes Matt Martians (also of the Internet) and Hal Williams (aka Pyramid Vritra), who are joined on the tape by Earl Sweatshirt, Domo Genesis, Hodgy Beats, Mac Miller, Kilo Kish, SBTRKT, and more. Stream the whole thing below, download the tape at Odd Future's website, and listen to an alternate mix of "ON!" above.
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The Economics Tripos at Cambridge focuses on giving you a sound understanding of the core of economics, pure and applied. However, while the specialised nature of this degree enables you to concentrate on studying economics in considerable depth, the breadth of the aims outlined above means that economists need to employ modes of thought and techniques drawn from many other disciplines, among them history, sociology, mathematics and statistics, and philosophy.
Our course aims to develop your knowledge of the workings of economic systems along with a sense of the economic dimensions of social and political issues.
- The Admissions Procedure
- Affiliated Status
- A Guide for Prospective Students
- Additional Costs for Required Elements of Courses
- Preliminary Reading List - provides information about the scope and content of Part I of the Economics Tripos at Cambridge.
- YouTube Film on the Economics Tripos
- University Open Days


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PSN was attacked on Sunday, and Sony spend most of Monday getting it back online, but the same group taking credit for the PSN DDOS attack has been focusing now on the Xbox Live service since Monday!
Videos posted of the game early, are now all gone!
Earlier today, YouTube got packed with videos of gameplay leaked from Super Smash Bros. game but now Nintendo's legal team have filed copyight claims and all the videos have gone from Google / YouTube
Well-sourced site The Information (subscription required) is claiming that Amazon is in "late stage talks" to purchase Twitch.tv, the video game streaming site, for $1 billion.
The Gateway team releases an update that focuses on bringing support back for recent games and applications that use the new encryption method that was introduced in 3DS System Firmware 7.x and higher
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Five Reasons to be Excited about Tutto Gusto
Photo Courtesy of Disney Parks Blog
On April 5th, Walt Disney World released details about Epcot's newest addition opening in May, Tutto Gusto. A wine bar located between Tutto Italia and Via Napoli, Tutto Gusto will offer Disney guests the chance to relax and unwind after a day touring the world showcase in an intimate setting. The dining location will seat 96 visitors, and the interior decor will feature stone walls and floors, vaulted ceiling and a fireplace; upon stepping into the location, guests will feel as though they have stepped into a traditional Italian wine cellar. The wine bar will be open from 11:30 am until 9:00 p.m., and more than 200 Italian wines will be available. A small-plate menu designed to take guests on a "culinary tour of Italy" includes Affetati (cured, sliced meats), Formaggi (Italian cheeses), Panini (sandwiches), Piccoli Piatti (small plates), Cavatappi (a delicious style of pasta) and Dolci (sweet).
So, that being said, what's so exciting about yet another Epcot restaurant? Here are the top five reasons we are excited about the opening of Tutto Gusto!
5. It's Disney
This reason is a little weak, we admit, but think about it - how many bad dining experiences have you ever had at Disney World? In all of my visits to the parks, I've only had one bad experience. That's saying something! Disney is renowned for its impeccable quality and attention to detail, and you can bet that Imagineers and the Culinary staff alike are working to make Tutto Gusto an unforgettable experience for Epcot guests.
4. The Small-Plate Menu
While Epcot's World Showcase seems to offer LIMITLESS culinary opportunities, it can sometimes be a challenge finding just the right spot to eat. Dining in the Showcase is almost a required part of the experience, but sometimes guests are not hungry enough to sit down for a full meal. In that case, their choices are either walk-up restaurants such as Katsura Grill (Japan) or Kringla Bakeri Og Kafe (Norway) OR to make a reservation at one of the nicer restaurants and only have and appetizer and drinks. While the quick service restaurants are nice, their atmospheres are far different from the upscale restaurants. At the same time, guests hoping for lighter fare may feel strange simply ordering an appetizer or two and lingering in one of the nicer dining locations. The small-plate menu offered at Tutto Gusto will be the best of both worlds; the opportunity to dine in a themed dining location while enjoying just the perfect amount of food.
3. The Wine
For many people, Epcot is as close as they are ever going to get to visiting Italy. For those guests, Tutto Gusto will offer what may be the once in a lifetime opportunity to enjoy the vast selection of wines that are so strongly linked to the country's culture, tradition and history.
2. In the words of @PartyTTParks (Party Through The Parks)…
There is now one more stop to visit during your Drink Around the World challenge!
1. The Food!
Though we only know a few details about the new restaurant's menu, we absolutely cannot wait to try the food. Small plate offerings include prosciutto de Parma, creamy burrata cheese and mussels with white wine, and cavatappi pasta in three variations: tomato and bufala mozzarella; shrimp, chilis, garlic and tomato; and arugula, potato, pancetta, tomatoes and asiago cheese. The savory names of these dishes alone have us counting the days until we can give them a try!
Be sure to keep your eye out for more information on Epcot's newest addition. The restaurant will be opening in early May, so stay tuned for details!
4 Notes/ Hide
- ohmyitsvv likes this
- part-of-our-disney-world reblogged this from themeparkfoodie and added:
I was wondering why there was a bunch of construction in Italy! Maybe I'll have my first legal drink if I'm fortunate...
- the-disney-derpina likes this
- themeparkfoodie posted this


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Back story: This weekend there is an annual convention for a hobby H is very involved in. He always goes to this convention. I have never gone with him, as I don't share this interest with him and I have never really hung out with that group of people - they are really "his friends" and not "our friends", and being that I'm naturally pretty shy this is kind of uncomfortable for me. He has always included our eldest son in this hobby, and has always taken him to this convention.
Last year, H was secretly planning to bring Coworker #1 to this convention, just the two of them. He told our son that he wasn't going to bring him (because he obviously couldn't bring our son on a date with his OW), which caused a HUGE amount of hurt feelings on my son's part and an argument between them. H told me at the time that he just wanted to hang out with his friends for once without having to cart one our kids along, etc etc. I thought it was odd, but I supported him and told him if he needed "guy time" without our son then he should take it. I talked to our son about it, and tried to make him feel better. H ended up cancelling his "date" with Coworker #1 at the last minute and taking our son after all, he says because he realized how odd it would seem to his friends that he had brought this random girl with him and he was afraid it would get back to me. I learned the real story about what had gone on some time later.
Fast forward to now: The convention is this weekend. It is a HUGE trigger point for me. H and I discussed it a couple of weeks ago, and I told him how the prospect of him going made me feel. He said that if it bothered me that much then he wouldn't go. I told him that I didn't want him to miss out on something he looks forward to every year, but I also didn't want to sit home wondering what might really be going on either. We decided to compromise, and agreed that I would go along with my H to the convention. Although I have no interest in this hobby, we have also talked about how it's important for us to try to be more involved in each other's social circles and lives outside of our home, so it seemed like a good idea on several fronts.
Now, this convention runs Friday-Saturday-Sunday. I have to work nights that weekend, so H took Friday off and we planned to go together on Friday. Today he suddenly says, "So do you mind if I go on Saturday with *male friend*?" This seems to me to kind of defeat the point of our compromise. Also, in looking back at his text messages, he made plans with *male friend* a week ago to go to the convention with him on Saturday (AFTER we had our initial discussion) and never mentioned it to me until now.
I got pissed. I told him that I feel like he was being dishonest with me - either he never truly intended to not go without me, or he changed his mind after the fact when he got an invitation and just chose not to mention it to me. I told him that it was meaningful to me that he had said he would give up going this year to protect my feelings, and now I feel somewhat betrayed and misled.
He just keeps saying that he was just hoping I might feel more confident now (since things in our M have been going so well in the last couple of weeks) that he was not trying to meet up with any OW. He is refusing to see that to me, that is NOT really the point. He just keeps saying "If you really don't want me to go, then I just won't." But he is not STATING anymore that he won't go, he's waiting for me to tell him not to.
I feel like it's the same pattern as with the cheating. I TELL him how hurtful something is, and he promises to not do anything to hurt me again. UNTIL the opportunity comes along, then my feelings don't matter so much. I told him this, and he just said he doesn't think it's the same thing at all. I just basically want to tell him to forget about going with me on Friday and go whenever with his friends, I really don't care. I don't WANT to go to this stupid thing to begin with!!! I was putting myself out there to try to strengthen our marriage, and now I feel like his taking me on Friday is just him throwing me a bone so he can go with his friends on Saturday which is what he really wants to do. He knows that means I will be sitting at work on Saturday wondering WTH might really be going on, and he says he doesn't want that, so "If you really don't want me to go I won't." Of course I don't want him to go! How many more times do I have to say how hurtful it is to me! But I am expected to be his mother and tell him what he can and can't do.
Ugh, I am so angry right now. Am I being a looney toon about this?
Too bad he didn't stop to consider the consequences before he chose to have an A right? Well this is a consequence. Buuut... I agree with what you're saying, if you tell him not to go he's doing it to appease you and that may well just piss you off (at least it would me). This is an opportunity for him to do the right thing. To help you heal rather than reopen the wound.
Talk talk talk.
Seems deceitful and manipulative especially how he puts it back on you. He wants you to be the bad guy and tell him he can't go, when he was childish all along. You are his partner not his parent, he needs to be an adult.
I would be ticked.
I'm just feeling really hurt about it. This particular interest of his is something he has used to initiate his relationships with ALL the OWs, so I am really beginning to hate it. Maybe I just attach too much importance to minor things, but I really felt like his voluntarily sacrificing that time with his friends and us going to together instead (even if it was just for the day instead of the whole weekend as he'd like to) was meaningful and symbolic of our new start. I guess I was the only one who felt that way.
I would love it if he would give it up, but I know it will never happen. I won't even go there - that would be a battle I would never win. He has a large amount of his identity wrapped up in it. Thanks for your reply and the hugs.
[This message edited by MylarPineapples at 1:22 AM, January 8th (Wednesday)]
It didn't stop till I threatened to kick him out and instead kick his butt in the basement for 2 months. The only reason he got the privilege to stay in the basement at all was that he promised to do the things I set out. I had spent 3 weeks trying to nice him. It so didn't work.
1. Seek IC on his own, set it up, attend them and grow. Staying static or not putting 100% was unacceptable. I wasn't going to define how he had to grow, just that it couldn't stay the same.
2. Make an appointment for STI testing at our mutual drs - test for everything even though he said it was only kissing. Bring me the test results.
3. He could not enter the bedroom or ensuite bath. That was to be my safe zone and if I needed time away from him that could be where I could go (I have health stuff, so leaving the house isn't usually practical for very long)
4. Had to text a NC letter to her and then keep NC. Even if she responded (oh and boy did she) he couldn't and had to let me know if she ever contacted or saw him.
5. Had to evaluate seriously and figure out why he couldn't respect my boundaries and why he couldn't figure out things without me walking him through them (ie I would be upset by x sort of behaviour. seriously dude, if I can say 'if it was you that was x and me that did that, how would you feel' and you can go 'ohhhhh' why the hell can't you do that on your own??)
6. He had to be accountable and transparent.
If he failed at any of those things, he was out and he damn well knew it. Any of those may be what you want or not - the point is that you need to put your big ol' bitch boots on and let him truly have it if you want change. Otherwise he'll continue to run you over because it's easy and it's worked so far. Make it NOT work.
I've been lucky in that my WH decided that it was time for him to change and dump the FOO issues and entitlement. To date he has been doing the full list (though he has been allowed back in our room now) and has figured a lot out in a short time. He's also been working seriously on healing the relationship he had with the kids, which has been amazing for them and me. I'm watching him talk himself through logic jumps he was unable to do before - like how he was very entitled as the male child and how he's actually passed some of that on to our kids and that he had to stop that crap in it's tracks. I'm now working through feelings of frustration that he didn't do this earlier, because this isn't the first issue we've had - just the first A.
My Opinion: Your husband is being manipulative and he went back on his word -- Both of you had an "agreement" about this Convention and weekend; and he basically LIED....when he made plans with his guy friend behind your back for Saturday!
HE KNOWS THIS....and YOU KNOW THIS!
Now, he wants to put everything on your back with his "whiney, pitiful, little boy act" and make you out to be THE BIG BAD MOMMY who tells him:
"He can't go out and play with his little friends!"
What a crock of crap!
Personally - I'd tell my husband:
"IF YOU GO on Saturday - your belongings will be piled in the middle of the driveway in black trash bags, when your butt comes home!" But that's just me.
I don't allow my husband to manipulate me any longer - those days are long over.
Your husband gave you THE PERFECT CHANCE to do exactly what you really want to do, when he said:
"If you really don't want me to go I won't."
THEN - I'd give some very serious thought to how I was going to convince him he really does want to give up this little hobby of his...IF HE WANTS TO REMAIN MARRIED TO ME!
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
1. You and WH agreed to go on Friday only to the convention, since you have to work.
2. He contacted a male friend and made arrangements to go on Saturday, when you would be unable to attend.
3. Later, he "asked" you if it would be okay to go with a friend, making no mention of the fact that he had already put that plan into motion.
This isn't just being insensitive to your feelings. Of course he should realize how upsetting it would be for him to go to this convention. But he LIED. He pretended that he hadn't already made arrangements. There's no such thing as overreacting to a lie at this point (well, I guess stabbing him in the head might be an overreaction). He is supposed to be earning back trust, through openness and honesty. Instead, he tried to fool you again. And then he runs off to the bedroom and won't talk about it? Bull SHIT.
I understand what you're saying about "If you don't want me to go, I won't" crap - he should voluntarily decline to go, to respect your feelings. But since he seems incapable of that, I agree with Dare2Trust: tell him. His reaction will give you more information about what your marriage's future holds. If he cheerfully agrees and drops the subject, there's reason for optimism. If he chooses to get butt-hurt or resentful about it, things look a little bleaker.
But also:
Me: WH, 50
Her: BW, 50
D-day: 12/27/2013 (about A that happened 14-15 years ago w/coworker)
I was told to NOT offer my opinion/suggestion/desire. I was to tell him to make the decision that was best for his family/marriage. Period.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
He told me that as embarrassing as it is to admit, it was actually hard for him to fully figure out what I wanted at first. For 15 years we did it one way and all of a sudden there was a new way.
I asked him to post his thoughts but he was exhausted and has a crazy busy day today so I doubt he will. I'll try to get the gist down instead.
He said he really needed to see me break down to "get it". Every time I really allowed myself to feel and express he learned so much. He says it's not fair to me but that it really truly helped him to understand the depth of pain and despair. When I could freely express (no brave face) it was much easier for him to see which path to take.
It actually doesn't seem at all fair to me but I remind myself that it's a process. We are both learning a new way to "be" in our M.
I hope that made sense.
H and I "talked" (loudly) about this again today. It was incredibly frustrating for me. I told him that for me, the BIG DEAL is not so much him going to the convention itself at this point, it is the fact that I feel betrayed, misled, and disregarded in the way he has handled this whole thing. He said he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong because I never explicitly said, "You are not allowed to go to the convention without me." My response was no I hadn't, but I had told him my feelings about it, and HE had told ME that he was not going to go without me - and that I need to know that I can trust his word and that he will follow through on promises he makes to me. He said that he doesn't feel like not telling me his new plans right away was a lie of omission, that he was just "waiting for best time" to bring it up. He said that in his mind he didn't do anything wrong, because he hadn't *actually* gone without talking to me about it and he could've just cancelled his plans at anytime.
Every time I tried to discuss my feelings or how these issues relate to our M in general, he just kept steering the conversation back to this convention, how important it is to him, and a discussion of can he or can't he go. I felt like he was not addressing anything I was telling him because he was just focused on getting what he wants. When I brought up what I see as the parallels to his behavior when he was pursuing OW, he chastised me for "dredging up everything I've ever done in the past." I got very frustrated and told him to forget about me going on Friday, and that he should decide what he wants to do for himself. The conversation ended with him saying, "So that means I'm not going at all?"
So now he is acting all depressed. I would like to believe he is sad about this coming between us, but I think it's far more likely that he is upset that he didn't get what he wanted. I don't really care to ask him what he's feeling, because I don't care to hear anymore about how important this stupid hobby is to him. After I told him I wasn't going to go, he started going on and on about how he wanted to share this with me so I could have a better understanding of this interest that's so important to him; as he was saying that, all I could think was how nice it was that he wanted to share all of that with his OW last year.
He seems hell bent on making this about his wants/needs and you being the bad guy. To be honest he is very lucky that you haven't told him to shove his stupid hobby up his ass where his head seems to be residing these days!
My H was gym addicted during A time, swore it was all about staying healthy and looking good for ME etc. He had the beginnings of a slippery slope happening there but none of the actual As were involved at all and I still told him how his going made me feel after DD and he's never been back. I'm sure he misses parts of it but he knows what a trigger it is for me and so he doesn't even want to go. Your H needs to really GET that part. He needs to really WANT to help you feel safe and loved and like #1. (sorry if I'm repeating myself, I'm a serial poster today)
p.s. I'm very curious what the hobby is but I'm trying to not be nosy
You stated:
we've had multiple good conversations about how important it is for us to be totally open and honest with each other
OK...then you need to be 100% honest and let your husband know: You do not want him going to this hobby/convention without you...and he AGREED he would not go without you. SO- him making plans with is friend behind your back WAS deceitful; and you do not want him to go on Saturday.
This man is playing "word games" with you - simply because he wants to get his way; so he can go to the convention with his friend. It's that simple.
I'm enraged on your behalf - because this man is manipulating you BIG TIME!
I got very worked up about it too and, like you thought I was over reacting, and blowing things out of proportion, but I assure you you are not. I spoke to my IC and our MC about it, I wanted it to be him that saw it and got it. I didn't like as gonnabe says being put in a lose lose situation, nor in the position of being his mummy and telling him he couldn't go.
He knows full blooming well your feelings, like mine did. He has a choice to make like mine did. In the end after discussing it a lot with counsellor a x2 I simply said, part of me feels scared to tell you I'm scared about you going, and another part of me wants you to go out and have a nice time. ItS your decision.
I did not make the decision for him. He decided not to go. And didn't sulk about it!. It spoke greatly to me about his consideration for my feelings and my healing.
I also like what gonnabe said and think that it is also a very good way to handle things. Keep the focus on the decisions HE needs to make for the greater good, and not let him squirm out of things and decisions he should be making and not putting on you and behave in the fashion of running away to bed early, and ignoring you.
I've rambled a bit here about my own sitch, I'm trying to give context and just want you to know I SO empathise with your frustration and understand totally you questioning yourself and wondering of your overblowing things, you're not, he is and it's because you are a reasonable kind person that you're questioning yourself, it's a shame he's behaving so immaturely and I considerately (IMO). Hope I haven't overstepped the line here by saying that.
Please keep us posted .
Big hugs and thinking of you
On way of looking at it:
Without infidelity, this would probably be no big deal. With any infidelity, it's could be a small issue - but you'd have to confront it because it could so easily turn into a big deal. With infidelity connected to his hobby and the convention, it's a big deal from the start.
Another way of looking at it:
You discussed it, and...
HE had told ME that he was not going to go without me
It went off your radar, and it should have. He played a giant trick on you with his new decision. That behavior - changing a decision unilaterally - really effs up R.
He said that he doesn't feel like not telling me his new plans right away was a lie of omission....
Wow, I got angry when I read that! A lie is a lie! And, oh, gee - he wraps it around violating a commitment to you. And he doesn't see this as another betrayal?
He sounds like my 4 year old GS. It's very funny on my GS. It's very troubling in an adult who claims to want to R, IMO.
He said he doesn't feel like he did anything wrong because I never explicitly said, "You are not allowed to go to the convention without me."
If he's R'ing to please you, it'll never work - he'll resent you to the max. He needs to commit to R because HE wants R.
He should know that his hobby itself is a slippery slope and act accordingly.
Is this a deal breaker for you? If it is, you could tell him, it's his choice - convention or you.
You mention multiple ows associated with this hobby. Have you considered making dropping this hobby a requirement for R?
Bottom line: I don't think your H is ready for R. He may become ready, but he just doesn't get it yet.
Have you considered doing the 180? Not to manipulate him, but to get you out of his sphere of influence. IMO, there's almost nothing you report that computes out to his being a good candidate for R.
[This message edited by sisoon at 5:52 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]
This is the frustrating part: He KNOWS I don't want him to go. He always knew this. I have TOLD him that I am not comfortable with him going. In his mind though, there is nothing wrong with trying to manipulate me to try to change that and get what he wants. He doesn't SEE it as manipulation - he sees it as continuing discussion where he can keep trying to come at the issue from different angles until he gets the result he desires. Looking back, he has always done this, and it usually has worked. It is exhausting.
I don't want it to be my job to police his behavior anymore. I don't want every issue to have to come down to me telling him that he is not allowed to do this or do that because it is hurtful to me or our relationship. I am sick and tired of me telling him that something hurts me and upsets me and getting the response, "Soooo.... Can I still do it though?"
Sisoon, your post really got me thinking. Honestly, I am not ready to D over this convention so I am not going to threaten that. However, you bring up some really good points about R. While I have felt like we have been making great progress and he's been doing a lot of work, I now realize that he's been doing everything I have ASKED him to do (reading, Retrouvaille program, establishing NC for the most part - he still works occasionally with one OW) but he hasn't actually initiated any of it himself. It makes me wonder if he does the things I ask him to do because it makes him feel good - makes him feel like he is being a good husband, and alleviates some of his guilt. I wonder if he is doing these things when we're in our little bubble at home together because it feels good to him, and he gets positive strokes from me for it, and not because he truly believes deep down that there is a problem that he wants to solve.
Things for me to think about...
If you did Retrouvaille can you dialogue about your feelings on him going to the convention without you?
I agree that he may not be ready for R. Pre-dday, my WH was one who would argue about semantics or lie by omission, if he would pull that on me now, oh my, I would burst!
I completely lost it. Mostly, it was the pathetically sad look he put on his face when he said that. I screamed and yelled and slammed doors about how my feelings are the result of his actions, both the infidelity and the way he has handled this situation. I told him his decision to go or not was his alone, but if he chose to not go and sit around sulking for a month I didn't care - I am not going to feel sorry for him or feel guilty about it.
He just sat and listened and stared at the floor. Afterward he told me that he knows that in my mind he is just a piece of sh*t and nothing he ever does will make a difference.
*sigh* I am so so tired of this.
He just sat and listened and stared at the floor. Afterward he told me that he knows that in my mind he is just a piece of sh*t and nothing he ever does will make a difference.
I hate passive aggression!!!
Instead of really reaching deep and listening to what your saying and responding to the actual conversion. You get some bullshit 'oh poor me' comment.
PUH-LEEZZ! Grow up already!
As laudable as it may seem to be mature and discuss real issues, trying to make sense of the non-sensical. Try as you might, it will never make sense.
Sorry for your pain.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Gonnabe, I also talked about the lose/lose situation I felt he was putting me in by asking me to make this decision for him. He was able to acknowledge that he was being unfair to me by doing that. He told me, calmly and with a normal tone this time, that he has decided not to attend with his friends. He says that he didn't realize before this huge argument exactly how strongly I felt about it, and he wants to show me that I am his priority.
Then I listened to him talk about how excited he had been that I had agreed to go with him this year (I have always declined in the past) and that he had been really happy that I was willing to participate with him in something that was so important to him. He expressed that while he understood that I had decided not to go because of all the feelings this situation and argument had brought up and exacerbated, that he felt really disappointed that he was losing the opportunity to share it with me, and he invited me again to attend with him on Friday. Now, this is an emotional issue because this interest of his has come between us in the past - obviously related to the infidelity, but also in terms of time he invests in it, me feeling excluded, etc. I felt unsure if he was being sincere or if this was just more manipulation of my feelings so he didn't have to totally miss out on the convention altogether. Maybe it was both, I don't know. But I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt that this appeal was in earnest, and I agreed to go with him.
This has been an exhausting couple of days. But at the moment I feel at peace with the result. My main focus was that I wanted to feel that he acknowledged how I felt about this convention, and about his actions this week. I feel like he did that to the best of his current ability in our last conversation. I think he really is trying, so I will keep trying to be patient and keep working on it with him. Thanks everyone for taking the time to give me your input - it is really valuable to me to have this sounding board and to hear all of your thoughts.
It seems that you've resolved the current issue, but i wanted to throw something out about my own WH's hobbies during the A and the role that they played. My WH had hobbies too, one in particular, that became FAR too important to him during the A. He used them to detach and maintain distance from me, the kids, and reality.
When I started getting uncomfortable with the time and distance from us and complained, he got increasingly beligerent about defending his "right" to his hobbies and how important they were to him. He went so far as to say that they were "Who he is!!!!" He clearly had his identity (and his secret life) all wrapped up with these activities.
After DDay, in counseling, our MC told him almost immediately that he had to give up his hobby, at least for the time being, to focus on himself, his family and his REAL identity, not the one that he had been busy creating in his fantasy life with the OW. She pointed out very clearly that getting your sense of your SELF and your identity so wrapped up in any THING was way unhealthy and was a way of not really dealing with real life and your real identity, independent of any thing or activity that you might engage in or acquire.
It was really hard for him to think about giving it up. Harder, really, than ending his relationship with the OW. When I saw how emotional he was about giving it up, I really realized how connected that activity was with his wayward self and his wayward behavior which in the end were far more destructive to him and to us than even his A. It was the way that he thought about who he was (all tied up with his hobbies) and how he behaved when he was in that world that allowed him to step over the line and have an A.
When I realized the connection of those activities with his A and, most of alll, with all of the negative wayward behaviors that facilitated not only the A, but a whole bunch of unhealthy, destructive behaviors, I had no problem with the MC's requirement that he stop doing them until he got himself sorted out. What we had called "hobbies" were really activities that isolated him and helped him detach from real life and create a separate wayward identity in his head. Among the behaviors that were nurtured around this hobby were (see if you recognize any of these) secrecy, dishonesty, detachment, and massize manipulation of me and my desire for him to be happy.
He certainly wasn't happy about the MC's suggestion, and he started to kick and scream about it, but I was beyond the point of negotiating with his behaviors anymore once I found out about the LTA. It certainly went against my nature, and my conditioned responses to his manipulations, to deny him anything. He had used my desire for him to be happy (especially since his unhappiness would be liberally spread to everyone in the family through pouting, guilt trips, passive aggressive meanness, and outright, open anger and resentment--again, sound familiar?) very effectively to do whatever he wanted, no matter how destructive to all of us, for a very, very long time.
I tell you all this because giving up those activities that were associated with his A and all the behavior patterns that went with it was critical to him beginning to really see the full scope of what he had done to himself and us and how he had managed to do it. His hobbies, and his completely self-centered and selfish focus on them became a way for him to create a whole separate inner life for himself, a life where he was single and cool and could pretend to be things rather than actually be them in reality.
Like your H, he couldn't see or recognize his destructive and manipulative behaviors at all while he was engaging in these activities. Those behaviors had become part and parcel of how he got things for his selfish self without recognizing or accepting responsibility for how any of it affected anyone else. They seemed perfectly normal and right to him. They were "who he was."
It has taken me awhile to break my own conditioned responses to those behaviors too, but I completely recognize the way that our WHs manipulate our love and our feelings of guilt when they are unhappy or are denied anything. When I realized that I was constantly being put in the no win for myself in order to make him "happy," (quotes because he was never really happy about anything during that time), it was easier to stop. After DDAY, I said to him quite clearly, "I am done being your mean mom and telling you the right thing to do. If you really can't figure out the right choices for yourself, our family and our marriage, then there's no hope for us, but I will not play the policeman anymore and put up with your rage and passive agressive responses. You have to know the right thing and do it from now on."
There are hitches sometimes, and I have to remind him once in awhile, but refusing to be his moral compass, his mom, and his conscience has certainly been a healthier choice for me and, I hope eventually, for him. One thing it does for sure is put the responsibility for bad decisions clearly where it belongs: ON HIM. He can no longer fail to own my pain if he makes a decision that he knows will hurt me and put the blame on me because I TOLD him that I didn't mind. He can no longer pout around and blame me for his unhappiness when I TOLD him that he couldn't do something or I didn't want him to. Now, it's all on him, and if he makes a hurtful decision or one that's destructive to our relationship or our family, I tell him so clearly and why.
Sometimes he stilll tries not to own it, but it's not as easy for him to do that as it used to be because I didn't facilitate the bad choice or make the choice for him.
I don't know what your WHs hobby is, but it seems clear that it ultimately got wrapped up with wayward behavior and certainly with his As. For me, that would make the whole thing suspect and probably very linked to a lot of unhealthy stuff.
I DO know that I could never try to engage positively with my WH's hobbies once it became clear to me the role that they had played in him detaching from me and reality. I made it clear to him that i saw them as part of the behavior that destroyed our marriage and facilitated his A and that I viewed his attachment to them as part of the problem.
Since they were only THINGS in the end and he decided that his M and really figuring out who he was independent of them was a priority, he let them go. Once he got some distance, he saw things a lot more clearly and wasn't interested in doing them anymore.
I don't know how much of this relates to your situation, but I did see a lot of familiar territory in your posts. Is your WH in IC? Is he looking at how he got where he did and what other behaviors and thoughts led him there? Have you discussed any of this with your MC or your IC? Have you reallly been allowed to explore all of the whys that you feel so negatively about his hobby?
Best of luck and hopes for all the best for you and your family, MP! I hope that your H gets it. Please don't be too quick to put his feelings above your own in this. Just like with the A, trust your gut. If you feel this strongly about it, there's probably a good reason that you do. Not everything that we like to do is automatically good for us and our relationships.
I can tell you that my H often referred to himself as a social retard, meaning he often would not know what I wanted or how I was feeling unless I told him. He actually asked that I tell him exactly what I was feeling when things came up, that he wasn't a mind reader, and unless he had some real firm direction he couldn't change his behavior.
I know is seems ridiculous that we have to tell them things that they should just get, and that we have to treat them like kids, but until the new habits of communication are built it does take this.
My H had several hobbies that he was WAAAAYYYYY into and was even a Vice President of an organization related to one, and had to plan the yearly banquet for. This was hugely time consuming, and really pissed me off when it was expected by him that I would be willing to let him take as much time as he felt was necessary for it, and that I would jump in with both feet to help him.
Now I did help with the banquets, the whole family did, and they were awesome. HOWEVER, it was not without fights, and upset. But it did help me to understand that if I didn't specifically state what I wanted and needed he wasn't gonna do it.
So after the one banquet after raising 21 ducklings in my house and fostering a puppy for 6 weeks, and hours and days of my time invested into his hobby I finally said enough. I told him he couldn't chair the banquet again without significant change and enrolling support and help from others. He got it. IT worked out.
This was all part of me finding my voice, and finding that if I told him exactly what I wanted, he would do his best to do that, and that he wasn't gonna get pissed, and leave.
What ended up happening is us finding a new hobby that we both love, and it quickly went from a hobby to a small family run business, and now at 5 years this spring is going to be a very busy family business. We love it, so it doesn't feel like work most days. Although my House is always a mess because of it, and there is always boxes, buckets, and bottles overtaking my kitchen and counters. But we are happy, and we communicate well with each other about it.
Wow this ended up being longer than I wanted.
Ultimately you are learning to find your voice, and if he is asking you to tell him what you want, do it. If he pouts, that's on him, not you. Although there were 3 arguments, and multiple discussions about this weekend, you both ultimately came to a new and better understanding of how to communicate. That is healing.
(((and strength)))
The counselor has also validated the importance of this interest for H, but thinks that the problem was his poor boundaries in using this interest to take him down the slippery slope in his interactions with OWs. I do have to give H credit in that I have never (until now) asked him to not participate in this activity, but he has only done so maybe twice in the 7 months since our last DDay, and even then it was several months after DDay before he brought it up at all. So while in years past the time he invests in it was an issue, I think he has recognized that problem now.
I do sometimes worry though that his activity in this interest will put him back on the slippery slope. He is definitely trying though; in the past, the OW's have approached him about facilitating their participation, which he did wholeheartedly and ultimately led to the infidelity. Since the last DDay, through our conversations with his IC, he has recognized that he needs to step back from this "helpful" KISA behavior. (There is definitely some KISA issues going on with his A's, and I think a need to feel important and valuable that he got out of being the "go-to" person for this interest Combine that with the ego-strokes of a few cute flirty OWs with poor boundaries, and here we are.) There have been a couple instances in the last few months when female acquaintances (not the previous OWs) have approached him about getting them involved. In the past, he would exchanged phone numbers and then arranged everything for them and probably provided them with transportation. But now, he's been able to just give them a phone number or direct them to a website, and move on.
Looking back at where we were on our last DDay, I can see that he has made big changes in his behavior that, while they might feel basic and obvious to me, have taken quite a bit of self-reflection and conscious effort for him. So for now, I am going to watchfully see where it goes before I demand that he give it up entirely.
My reading is that your H plays TA 'games' (as in Games People Play by Eric Berne) to maintain his ability to switch from Victim to Persecutor with you. Lots of info on the web about both TA and the DT.
If the material makes sense to you, it may help you stay out of the games. That won't guarantee your H will see a better way to live, but it could make your life better.


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Another Look at Unit Testing Umbraco Surface Controllers (Part 2)
In the previous post I looked at testing Umbraco surface controllers, using a technique that basically avoided the issue by extracting the non-Umbraco related logic for test into a separate class, and testing that. Another option is to test the contr
Unit Testing Umbraco Surface Controllers
When coming to work with Umbraco as an MVC developer one feature that is immediately familiar and comfortable to work with is surface controllers. Unfortunately, unlike standard MVC controllers, they aren't straightforward to test. In this blog pos
Unit testing Umbraco IPublishedContent with Microsoft Fakes
I've recently been working on a package for Umbraco called Umbraco Mapper. It's intention is to support development of MVC based Umbraco applications by providing a simple means of mapping Umbraco content to custom view models. You can read more ab


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Joined: 03 December 2006
Posts: 5953
Totally aware of different aspect regarding marraiges debated here. Bring in insight on marraiges the occur accross cultures including gilrs/boys born bought up in Western culture married to someone from core ethinic culture.
- Typical Indian / Pakistani/Begali married ot gal born and bought in US
- African American married to Chinese
- Indian/Pakistani gal married to American/UK born guy
Have met many couples, guy from us/uk marrying gal from India/Pakistan, vice sa versa, infact the best couple who are perfect match, I know, are from bride=Japan, Guy from India. Now seeing the ratio, have seen most of such marraiges fail, even if they are love...there are several issues that come in way in this kinna of marriages. One of major issue is understanding each other day to day communication lingo, then complexes etc etc
Do you think marraiges where in spouses belong to different cultural upbringing and back ground work ? keeping in mind both spouses have average for compromising nature.
Can it? yes it can.. Does it? Just sometimes... Cultural differences have more compromises then even inter-religous marriages.. atleast we share somethings there.. but cross-cultural... is veri veri wierd...
Joined: 12 November 2006
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Joined: 31 October 2005
Posts: 28777
- petsy what u have hounds of baskerville for pets?...
You got it Qwertoo . Pets keep me sane dear
VJ has already used his two chances. Now 3rd strike and he is out
On a Serious note We have inter caste, culture marriages on both sides and not a single divorce yet. One couple is on the way of making golden anniversary . So it is upto the two involved they can make it or break it IMHO.
Joined: 12 November 2006
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i know di. jeeju was out of his two turns by the time first month ended. bhagwaan janey baakee 34 yrs kaisey nikaley hain unhoney mines crossed 15yrs this past december
jokes apart, i feel inter-cultural marriages do bring their own unique issues with them. at the end of the day, it depends on the couple - what works best for them - but these marriages are not easy on the rest of the family. that may complicate things more down the road.....strictly speaking from indian pov.
i, personally, like to communicate in my mother tongue at home. for me, it's very hard to imagine sharing my life with someone who doesn't know my language and understands my culture from an "outsider looking in" perspective. they may have an over-all understanding but, at times, they may miss those nuances that all cultures have with in them. don't know...i'm just blabbering now. i think whatever works for folks!!!
Yeah, but you are missing out on the cute, accented attempts at Hindi
The key to an inter-cultural marriage is the willingness to cut some slack when the significant other commits a cultural faux pas, and also to assimilate when the need arises. Respect for each other's culture is extremely essential, too. Love takes care of the rest
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Joined: 08 August 2007
Posts: 850
The key to an inter-cultural marriage is the willingness to cut some slack when the significant other commits a cultural faux pas, and also to assimilate when the need arises. Respect for each other's culture is extremely essential, too. Love takes care of the rest
You said it well. I agree with you, especially the last
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May. 18, 2012 at 2:06pm with 2 notes
Reblogged from tweedridetc
The details on this weekend's TC Tweed Ride!
What to wear? What to Ride?: The Pressing Questions
Simple answers — wear something natty, snazzy, spiffy, or lovely. No tweed? — not a problem. Wear something a little fancy that makes you feel like you're having a grand day out. As always, please - no lycra.
As to what to ride — ride any sort of bicycle you'd like. While we have a retro spirit about this thing, we're not sticklers.
What matters is that you come along and join us. Looking forward to seeing everyone on Saturday at the Open Space at 4.
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The details on this weekend's TC Tweed Ride!
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Each year during the Christmas holiday season, Richards Pizza will take
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discount that we do when shipping the large number of packages in January.
If you have additional questions, you can send an email to firstname.lastname@example.com.


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Bay View Charters' experienced captains navigate Coast Guard-certified yachts around the San Francisco Bay and the Sacramento River Delta. Each peaceful outing offers passengers a breezy cruise with stunning scenery, salty sea air, and the chance to brush up on their seagull calls. Some cruises include food and refreshments as part of the event while others make a bar available for passengers to purchase their own drinks.
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The unlikely story of UDFA Jonotthan Harrison
The center position was identified as one of the key pieces the Indianapolis Colts were looking to solidify this offseason, with many experts saying that the team would go after Cleveland Browns center Alex Mack. With head coach Chuck Pagano and general manager Ryan Grigson watching tape after tape of different athletes who can come in and fill the void, they chose to elect Khaled...
Via cover32 - Colts
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Colts Countdown to Kickoff: No. 72 Jonotthan Harrison
Team chemistry is crucial for success in any sport, especially in football. Just ask Jonotthan Harrison, an undrafted free agent rookie out of the University of Florida who signed with the Colts on May 12.In four seasons with the Gators, Harrison made 39 starts in 51 games, including all 12 as a senior in 2013. As a team captain last season, he attributed the Gators' 4-8 record...
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Former Florida Gators center Jonotthan Harrison recently ignited a media storm about UF football, but has since apologized for his statements.
Harrison: opponent called me N-word
In the middle of what was a grand day for Florida football, a 30-10 win against Arkansas on Oct. 5, Gators center Jonotthan Harrison hit what appeared to be a low point when he was ejected in the third quarter for making contact with an official. But in his first comments to the media on the incident since it happend, Harrison on Tuesday alleged the impetus for the ejection was...
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November 14, 2013 | Discuss
#72 Jonotthan Harrison, C, Florida
#72 Jonotthan Harrison, C, Florida HGT: 6-3 WGT: 310 Bio: Has appeared in 39 games, with 27 starts, in his career at Florida…Named to 2012 Rimington Award Watch List and Phil Steele Midseason All-SEC Third Team. 2012: Started at center in all 13 games for the Gators in 2012…Named a team captain against Tennessee, Vanderbilt and Louisiana…Had nine games grading out above...
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September 23, 2013 | Discuss
Harrison frustrated by costly mistakes
The frustration built for the Gators as the turnovers continued. The Florida offensive players tried to encourage each other on the sideline, keeping them focused and optimistic. As the fumbles and interceptions continued throughout the game, the Gators wasted multiple opportunities. Florida center Jonotthan Harrison didn't credit Miami, saying Florida cost itself the game.
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September 09, 2013 | Discuss
College Football Week 2: NFL Hopefuls to Watch & Why
Jonotthan Harrison, C, Florida, Senior Height / Weight (lbs) – 6'3" / 310 Projected Round – 7-UFA (10)Florida @ Miami (FL) – Saturday 12:00pm ET – ESPN Florida has been on a roll of late when it comes to churning out interior lineman talent, specifically the Pouncey brothers, into NFL talent. Now Jonotthan Brown hopes to continue the school's success with producing...
2013 Florida Gators Offensive Line: Center Jonotthan Harrison talks about injuries
Florida Gators starting center Jonotthan Harrison spoke with ESPN's Ed Aschoff regarding the state of the team's offensive line for the 2013 season.
Harrison Sees Difference in Offensive Line
The Florida offensive line struggled during games and on the practice field throughout the 2011 season. That was the first sign of the issues. It's not the case anymore. The offseason program under first-year strength and conditioning coach Jeff Dillman added strength and athleticism to an offensive line that needed both. Jonotthan Harrison believes the results are tough to miss at practice.
Via florida.scout.com
August 23, 2012 | Discuss
FSNextTV: Jon Harrison
With a new Offensive Coordinator to match a new offensive mindset, the Gators are ready to take the field this fall. Offensive lineman Jonotthan Harrison discusses the upcoming season at The Swamp.
Via florida.scout.com
August 09, 2012 | Discuss
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from Samuel Taylor Coleridge – The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner on Genius
1. a fine, filmy cobweb seen on grass or bushes or floating in the air in calm weather, especially in autumn.
2. a thread or a web of this substance.
3. an extremely delicate variety of gauze, used especially for veils.
4. any thin, light fabric.
5. something extremely light, flimsy, or delicate.
6. a thin, waterproof outer garment, especially for women.
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