text:
- Scott Seigel
- Helena, MT
- United States
This conversation is closed.
How has enduring some extreme hardship profoundly impacted your life?
Twenty years ago, the death of my best friend allowed me to cry after the Army had "trained" it out of me. Recently marital separation has caused me to evaluate and refocus my life on deeper, more valuable things than pleasure, power, status and wealth. Voluntarily living to serve and care for others transcends logic and selfishness. It's benefits far surpass self-serving forms of love. Whether you are "paying it forward," "doing as you'd want others to do for you," or "creating good karma," personally making the world a better place probably benefits the doer most of all. Furthermore, the more you're willing to endure and suffer, the better the result.
May 7 2012: Hi Scott, I've been hit more than once but the worst. Primary Progressive MS. It started with numbness in my right, little toe 13 years ago. One by one I lost my cherished running, volleyball, biking and it keeps coming for more. I am currently locked in my chair with failing abdominals, hands and well, I could go on.
The journey has been both physical, mental and most importantly, emotional.
One lesson I have learned is that we decide how events will affect us emotionally. I have often cried and will again but alone and not for long. Beyond the stuff I need to do I have decided that life is for loving and laughter. My second lesson: Press On
May 7 2012: Brian,
1 thumbs up isn't enough!!! Thank you for this powerful sharing!!!
You are on my wall of heroes.May 7 2012: Brian, Thank you so much for sharing!
Your comment hits especially close to home. The job I had before I resumed teaching was in-home caregiver (CNA), where I worked with quite a few people with MS.
My dear friend Eric Barnes had MS. He was a botanist and an avid outdoorsman. He loved to climb, fish and trek through the back-country here in Montana. We met when I was assigned as his CNA (in-home caregiver). He had worked as a chef and loved to cook. Together we had so much fun playing in the kitchen (he taught me a lot)! We also shared watching his body fail, so I may know a little of the anger and mourning and dismay and frustration you feel. Eric's courage never failed to inspire me. Though he died last year, more importantly, he lived! Not everyone can say that. He faced a hardship and gave it his best.
Another friend, Michael, is still fighting the MS fight after more than 20 years! I know no one else with as much fighting spirit. He skied and played music at a professional level before these were taken from him. Like Eric, Michael has lived and lived well. He continues to live and pushes himself hard every day. Michael should probably be running an international program to encourage and challenge others with MS. He often says, "I may have MS, but I'll be damned if it'll have me!" I'm definitely going to send this thread to him.
Never, never, never quit! ~Winston Churchill
...and Lindsay is right--MEGA THUMBS UP!May 7 2012: Brian,
You say..."Press on"
I say...WOW.....YES!
You say..."we decide how events will affect us emotionally"
I say YES!
OH...I have to stay on topic!
Near fatal head/brain injury, cancer, degenerative disc dis-ease, were/are a couple of my biggest challenges, from which I learn, grow and evolve:>)
W.P. Baldwin
May 6 2012: Scott, for me hardships and suffering have made me a better person, that is, once I embraced the hardship.
- +4
This is a great subject, because the underlying topic starts to get at the heart of where I believe a society goes wrong and destroys itself.
Innately we want to reduce suffering, first and foremost our own. Secondly we reduce the suffering of our kids and family members, then we move on to reducing the suffering of strangers. This creates a society where policies are implemented and charities are created under the pretense of alleviating suffering. However, in many cases they ultimately only postpone or extend suffering and create a dependency that is destructive to the human spirit.
You nailed it when you said, "Furthermore, the more you're willing to endure and suffer, the better the result." This is why I believe we must be careful how we help others, because we can easily deny them the opportunity to experience the euphoria of overcoming their own obstacles; though I do believe in helping GUIDE people through their difficulties.
It seems to be much easier to just do it for them (Of which I think is very selfish.) instead of taking the time to teach them how. (Which requires more energy and dedication.)
Thanks for the topic,
W.P. Baldwin
May 7 2012: As an educator, yours is the perspective I hope mature high school graduates and many college graduates will develop. What I see around me in the way of laziness, entitlement thinking and a short-cut mentality supports your points poignantly. I'm presently teaching more math than anything else, and I notice a general trend toward "good enough to pass," and "so what if I don't understand" mentalities. Even the threat of repeating a class doesn't motivate attitudinal change. The idea that the hardships that do not destroy us make us stronger is valuable and provocative. The idea that "everyone deserves...[fill in the blank with something of value / cost]" is socially, economically, and practically untenable. When help truly is required, the highest goal of the helper must not be to totally meet the need, but to assist the recipient to overcome the need and move toward greater independence. If we give everyone a fish, we only have fewer and more exhausted fishermen. If we teach everyone to fish, everyone can eat and rest (until the fish start to run out). Interestingly, building on the fishery depletion idea and a bit of market theory, crowds manage resources more wisely than individual or elite groups. Also, large, relatively poor populations lack the capital investiture and infrastructure needed to effectively over-fish. This raises interesting questions for me.
1) Can governmental, academic and business "wisdom" outperform market wisdom?
2) Do society and the environment benefit most when the means of production are most widely and evenly apportioned?
3) How do we encourage a broad social move TOWARD embracing hardships, facing challenges and intentionally doing hard things?
Here's MY challenge to everyone reading this: one or more of you pick up some of these questions, make them your own, throw back a few starfish and start changing lives!
May 7 2012: Scott, you make a good point.
When a sector of the economy becomes more industrialized the authority to manage that sector falls into the hands of a select and, or ambitious few, along with the money of course. This power gives them access to the world stage in which they can jump from one country to another as resources run out. Therefore, going off of your fish idea, they are more liable to overuse and abuse.
This industrialization concept parallels the topic of helping people. They have industrialized compassion. Now people do not have to directly help their fellow man, they only have to give money to a charity and, or pay their taxes to help people; basically the people do not have to get their hands dirty anymore. This creates a disconnect between the giver (payer) and the recipient (or taker) and any amount of accountability on both sides. I believe industrializing compassion has distorted the real meaning of what compassion is.
1) I do not believe government can have wisdom. The power they can achieve intoxicates even the strongest of individuals, ultimately corrupting the system. Market forces can have a greater wisdom, but there are many variables; like the type of government that is in place.
2) In most cases, property owners are going to take better care of their property than if the property is collectively owned.
3) This is the most difficult. To encourage people to embrace hardships goes against human nature. In most cases, people will do what comes easiest. The people will have to be immersed in the difficulty through a natural order of events; an event where they realize that they had been their own worst enemy all along.
Thank you,
W.P. Baldwin
P.S. I was born at Ennis and lived at Melrose until I was eight.May 8 2012: BTW, Here's a coincidence for WPB: I was born in Atlanta!
"It's a small world...but I wouldn't want to paint it." ~Steven Wright
May 8 2012: Scott, isn't that something. What are the odds of that.
And I am sorry that I didn't have a good answer to number 3. I have been contemplating that very problem for a number of years. In a democracy the people will not vote themselves into an environment that would require more sacrifice from themselves, only from others.
Anyway, I wish you well and thanks for the back and forth,
W.P. Baldwin
Tracy Till
May 14 2012: Watching my mother battle a horrible cancer and succoming to it at the age of 59 was life changing for me. I recall asking her if "she was scared to go?" My mom smiled at me, then calmly said "Nope, not at all. It's a plan that God has and who am I to ask why. I've had a wonderful life." Witnessing her grace and strong faith at a time when many of us would have crumbled taught me so much. If you can remain that calm in death - the other "stuff" life throws at you can be managed.
- +3
May 14 2012: Hi Tracy, I'm sorry for your loss, but what an amazing gift she gave you. Fear of death is still such a social taboo, many children never get to discover their own parents point of view about it. I hope her faith gives you strength.May 18 2012: Tracy,
Your mother's inspiration isn't wasted here! My own personal triumph, more than anything else, has been getting closer to God. It's impossible to really take others into that relationship, but they can see it and they sometimes pursue it for themselves. For most of them it takes a hardship to get moving. Without God I would be dead. With Him I'm able to help others--that's what my life is all about.
ScottMay 18 2012: Heather and Scott said it best, but I'd just like to add an Amen!May 13 2012: Financial hardship has taught me that I can survive on very little, to be unafraid of having nothing and having to rebuild a life. Long term health problems have taught me to be unafraid of death, to know that depression can be beaten day by day, to accept that there are a lot of goals that are unimportant for me to reach.
May 14 2012: Very inspiring in these times of austerity. I too lost my career a couple of years ago, and have actually enjoyed simplifying my life - I take it as a personal challenge to see how little I can live off! I can't believe how much of my former salary was spent on total, pointless junk! Just think, if we all stopped wasting our hard earnt money we could all afford to work fewer hours and job share.May 18 2012: Thanks Jennifer!
I'm with you in the financial hardship Jennifer. Life has been pretty meager in the last 3 years--and yet in many ways these have been the most transformational too. Who knew that the great value is in the making of the lemonade when life gives you lemons, not the drinking.
sean smith
May 9 2012: having cancer and not being able to eat food for ten years and not being able to talk for three years kind of sucked? While this sucked it has allowed for tremendous growth and now as a father of a five year old I am able to make the changes needed to provide my child with a healthy childhood. Too many parent are not investing enough time and energy into raising healthy kids. I am lucky to have both the time and the insight needed to be a good parent, without my extreme hardships I am sure that I would not be half the parent that I am today
- +3
May 10 2012: Excellent comment Sean, thank you!
What an amazing challenge you've endured! I know your child will benefit immensely from your growth. When my wife was in the Army we moved to Korea without "command sponsorship." As a result, there was no room in the schools for our kids. I began to home educate them both. (I'd begun this with my daughter about a year earlier to address some situational problems, but we planned for them to attend traditional DoDDS schools in Korea.) Almost 10 years later I finally sent my younger child to traditional school. No other man I know is so close to his children. I was directly blessed by this adversity--and it's always the same story. I did some things well, and others not so well. But I know that they know how much I love them. I think it's taken a few more hardships to bring me to the place that I have the insight I need to parent well--now what I lack is time and proximity. Enjoy your kids while you can!
But those early years were good ones. We happened to build an excellent foundation. Our kids are the ones facing hard things now. Both loved the book, "Do Hard Things" by Alex & Brett Harris. (http://www.amazon.com/Do-Hard-Things-Rebellion-Expectations/dp/1601421125) I see them going so much further than we did. It's a wonderful encouragement and confirmation that not only are the vast majority of problems surmountable, we're better people for facing them!
Bill Lennan
May 9 2012: 6 years ago, my form wife came to me with a list of reasons why our marriage wasn't working for her.
- +3
After a year of therapy, we decided to divorce. I was crushed, we had 2 children who I love dearly.
We agreed to focus on the kids happiness through the divorce.
In parallel, I took on as much personal growth as I could handle.
Today, my former wife is one of my best friends, we share custody of 2 wonderfully happy boys, and the personal growth work has lead to me finding a wonderful supporting tribe, a love for my career, and a body that's healthier than I was 20 years ago.
I'm also re-inventing for myself what it means to be in relationship with women and how we can contribute to each other's well being.
May 9 2012: Way to go Bill!
For me, this has been mainly a spiritual journey, but I've also found myself getting more fit and active, building a new core group of people, and re-discovering teaching--not just a career I love--a chance to make a lasting difference!May 7 2012: This is one of my favorite topics..my hardship was not as challenging as Brian's, a very advanced cancer with a very agressive treatment that 5 years later I am just getting past..
I think what the extremes of suffering and loss do is strip us of everything that is ego and superfiial and non essential . It is not a recommended course of action to get to what matters most , what is really at the ground of our being, but there is no question it can be a short cut.
I love Brians description of losing one thing after another..each new symptom further limiting what we have been accustomed to having and enjoying and his description of marking and accepting each loss. That was my expereince too..one thing after another lost , each loss requiring a reconciliation with the loss, an acceptance. At each stage my process was "no I can't do this I won't do this I don't accept this" and then somehow one does and magically something else within us comes forward stronger and clearer than it ever was.
And somehow strangely I felt happier and more within the ground of my being after each reconciliation with each loss.
That is very beautifully brought out in the memoir/auto biography "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly"..he actually became more fulfilled, more able to be really present to the world and to others after his devastating accident..and he realized that.
I am amazed to finally be coming back into normal life, normal health and ormal function but I hope I will continue to live from the ground of my being
.....too early to tell
May 7 2012: Lindsay,
You (and everyone else who's responded) are such an encouragement to me. I think this topic is SUPER important. I think we have to DECIDE to push ourselves and keep growing and never give up--or else we are just marking time--dead without knowing it. The topic's been bouncing around in my head for a long time. Seemingly unrelated to that, I've spent the past few years deeply pondering and trying to understand the value of being a teacher, a caregiver, a car salesman, a Walmart manager, a dad, and a military spouse (and wearing a few other hats besides). Somehow your answers have really helped me understand myself more. Thank you SO much!
May 10 2012: Scott here is a quote and one link from one source on the physical chnages in the barin that can ocurr in PTSD or other witness to horror and atraocities:
"Research on the disorder strongly suggests that trauma causes physical changes in the brain. These changes include shrinkage in the area of the brain associated with certain kinds of memories, increased activation in the area responsible for emotional processing, and decreased activation in the area responsible for language processing"
I believe V.S. Ramachandran. host of several TED Talks, also has done some studies and work in this area.
Other work suggests that it shuts diwn the oart f the brain associated with empathy and compassion.
The trasncendant experiences many are rpeorting here may not be availble to someone who has witnessed horrific things and suffered actual chnages in the brain as a result.
Kim Laes
May 7 2012: The hardship I've been through is that of being bullied severely in school. Most people to whom I say this tell me that it is a small thing, but it is not. For very long bullying has crippled me in my social life and my own development. It nearly broke me. I wanted to be like everyone else but I couldn't, because of what had been done to me.
- +3
But when I went to college things changed and I noticed that there were people who didn't give up on me. Gradually I grew back into myself. Now I have become myself again, this may sound stupid but it is how I feel it. I have learned to be myself and although I am still a little crippled I feel I can meet the world eye to eye at last.
I know that I will always have trouble with dealing with certain situations because of the bullying. But rahter then letting the memories control me, I have learned to use them and my weaknesses of the past have become my strength. Despite my problems with facing groups I have now a teaching degree and even though people made me believe I was stupid I will graduate as a history major this year.
I turned the memories that haunted me into my motivation. That's how hardship changed me: I learned to see hardship, not as problems, but as opportunities.
May 7 2012: Beautiful Kim, what an encouraging comment! Pursue things that give you wings. I hope you love teaching as much as I do. One of the best things I've had occasion to teach is that bullies come in all shapes and sizes. I like to teach my classes (and smaller groups) to stand up to bullies. Fear, both social (rejection, ostracism, ridicule) and physical (personal welfare & property safety) are the tools bullies use. The trick is two part: empowerment and compassion. First I prepare and equip the majority of students to respond with unity and confidence (solidarity) whenever they see injustice. Next, I teach them to have compassion, (by understanding the insecurity of bullies), rather than to escalate things (by rejecting and/or assaulting bullies right back). This is NOT typically encompassed within standard, best practices. It takes a bit of confidence on the teacher's part too!
May 7 2012: Excellent point Scott!
Those who bully others are insecure. As soon as everyone is aware of that fact, the bullies will lose their power/control.
Glad you have the confidence to teach what you are teaching Scott...it is needed in our world:>)
May 8 2012: Ausum Scott!!
loved you description and it conveys your student do love the way you teach them!!
Kim Laes
May 8 2012: Scott,
- +1
your comment on empowerment and compassion reminded me of a small incident I witnessed when I was studying to get my teachersdegree. As part of our education my school had us guide mentally challenged teenagers through the capitol. None of my students had ever been to Brussels and had many prejudices against begars ("they are all frauds and they spend their money on drugs and alcohol). I disagreed with them and I was a little upset that they looked at beggars this way since I knew what it was not to be accepted. So I talked to them for most of the day about the problems that beggars faced. Even though they listened to me I did not have the impression they were actually learning something from it.
However, when we were having lunch in a hamburgerrestaurant (we let the kids choose) I noticed that they were consantly leaning towards the window onto the street, as if they were watching 2 beggars that were sitting there. After lunch I asked them what that was all about. They told me they had given half of their lunch to the beggars.
That was a proud moment for me as a teacher. :)
May 8 2012: Thanks Kim! We teachers have a great job indeed. :-)May 7 2012: Dear Kim,
Bullying is a horrible experience. I watched my son be bullied much of his school life because he liked music, theater, literature, and things that did not seem to "fit in" with the other "guys". It was painful to observe, and painful to him as well. It is NOT a small thing Kim. Bullying can indeed cripple people, and we have seen many suicides caused by bullying.
You say..."it nearly broke me"....."nearly" is the operative word my friend. What you say does not sound "stupid" at all, and I'm grateful that you shared this information, because it is so needed in our world. When you can meet the world "eye to eye" as you say, you are NOT crippled at all.....remember that.....believe it.
What I observe in my son, is that because of the bullying, he is a very considerate, compassionate, empathic person. He realized the ramifications of bullying, and does not repeat that behavior. It seems that you recognize this as well.
I believe that understanding gives you more strength to deal with others AND yourself, So, how about believing totally in yourself? You are very wise in knowing that your "weaknesses of the past have become your strength". Actually, what happened in the past was not YOUR weakness, but rather the weakness of the bullies....do you see that?
Kim, you are VERY WISE to see challenges as opportunities. My respect to you my friend:>) I wish I could give you MANY thumbs up, and I am only allowed one:>)
May 7 2012: Colleen is right, Kim, here's another thumbs up from me :-D
Colleen, thanks for sharing this. It's no coincidence than the words "teen" and "mean" rhyme. What teens need is to be attended to, heard and challenged. They are NOT children and we err terribly in coddling and condoning immaturity in them. They are also not fully adults. In order to call greatness out of them, we need to help them stretch and grow. That means they need to push their limits. The question is which ones. If we neglect to lead them, selfishness prevails. But we mustn't discourage their curiosity either. Each teen is a unique jigsaw puzzle. Our job is helping them figure out how to make their pieces fit together to create the best picture of who they will become. So many bullies mess up the other kids' puzzles because no one has yet helped them solve theirs.
May 7 2012: Scott,
You've said a LOT here that is not specific to only teens.
We all need to be attended to, heard and challenged. We all need support and encouragement as we stretch, grow and maybe push our limits. We all need to figure out how to make the pieces of the life experience "fit", and it is a LOT better if we can do it as teens, rather than wait untill we are older!
True..."so many bullies mess up the other kids' puzzles because no one has yet helped them solve theirs". Unfortunately, this very insighful statement applies to adults as well!
jenni logue
May 9 2012: I can relate Kim. I had no self esteem, I now like to say I checked it at the door when I was born. I lived most of my life afraid of who I was. This resulted in being severely bullied, not having boyfriends, financial struggles, feeling isolated, beating myself up mentally daily, I could go on and on. The sad thing is I continued living with this perception of me as nothing, even after those around me saw me as successful.
- +1
The wonderful thing,I was brought to a space 5 years ago where I thought I was going to lose everything, my family, my home, my money. When I was in the darkest space I felt bliss (weird I thought) I began a journey of self exploration where I learned to feel love for myself and let myself shine. This led me to developing fully my intuitive abilities and I now help others heal their own self sabotage. I am now the person I only used to dream I could be.May 14 2012: Kim, You'll make a fantastic teacher because you will teach more than history - you'll teach kids about respect and being open minded and open hearted about other people. If you hadn't suffered at the hands of those insecure bullies, you may not have learned the life lessons you so obviously have. Good luck :-)
Bruno Carre
May 15 2012: breaking a marriage, losing my father whom I loved deeply and separating from a newfound love a lifetime, all that in 18 months made me realize the following things:
- +2
- life is short, shorter than we'd want it be, don't waste it on a material pursuit of fake happiness
- you will never give enough to the people you love, the simplest compliment does matter
- sharing your (deeper) emotions has no price, people will always be touched and start to share
- to find your calling is the most important thing in life. Be happy, and you can make someone else happy. It's not about money, status or whatsoever, it's about what you feel is good.
- and finally, yes, the more hardships you've been through and overcome, the more joy and happiness you will experience, simply because the small things become enjoyable.
Great topic Scott, thank you for posting this.
May 18 2012: Wow Bruno , you are really an inspiration to many folks out here . I too have a similar story but definitely not so profound..May 18 2012: Great reply Bruno! I am confident that no matter what comes your way, you are ready to face it and find more joy and happiness in it!
Mathew Ward
May 9 2012: Thanks Scott for starting this conversation I was going to list all the hardships that helped me to grow but after reading everyone else's I realized mine were the same, at least in theme. Death of family and friends, sickness, divorce, the suffering of oneself and others and injustice. Rather than feeling dispare about everyone having the same problems I feel more encouraged and connected because on a fundermental level we are all the same, some lessons are best taught through hardship. Our own suffering in our story helps us to be empathic to the suffering of others. This reminder for me came at the right time, thanks again Scott :-)
- +2
May 10 2012: Right on Mathew! I'm glad this thread encouraged you! It's fascinating how our response to hardships matters more than the hardships themselves. I've thought a lot about writing a book on this and all the TEDers who've participated have sure given me a lot to think about. I'm looking forward to where this will be in 4 weeks--and I'm glad I chose a long timeline. Tell your friends and...
P.s. I know someone with your name. Did your family live in Los Altos, CA and later in Portola Valley, CA?
May 12 2012: No not me, sorry, grew up in PNG and Australia.
Alan Huckle
May 7 2012: About four years ago, I was a lazy, unproductive, foolish teenager who didn't have a care in the world for the betterment of my character. I thought that so long as I kept my grades up in junior high (took easier classes in school to avoid any challenges) I wouldn't have to worry about being a morally good person, so I went about my way doing just that. And then my brother took his own life.
- +2
The last memory he will ever have of me is the childish argument I had with him over a trivial matter. When I heard of my brother's death, everything came crumbling down on me. I was an absolute mess of a fourteen-year-old.
The thought above caused me to look at myself through a clearer lens, and I realized how bashful I truly was. I began to resent the person I saw in the mirror. As time went on, I slowly began to remodel myself, focus on the things that were truly important. I made myself a more humble, patient, and tempered individual than I was before.
I still mourn the loss of my brother, but the suffering I endured had forced me to change my ways. I am a better person now.
May 8 2012: Thanks Alan. It takes a lot of courage to share such a story. I believe it honors your brother to share about coming through such a hard trial. I doubt he set out to hurt anyone in his act. The saddest thing about suicide is that it most hurts the people the suicidal person loves the most (and who most love them): spouses, parents, children, siblings, extended family and friends. I'm so glad you were able to grow through this!
May 8 2012: I appreciate your words, Scott, I really do. I agree with everything you've said, except about the saddest part of suicide. What pains me beyond words is the fact that a vast majority of those who commit suicide do so thinking that they're doing it for the better of their loved ones. This is obviously not true, and as such creates despair and devastation in those involved.
Suicide is such a heartbreaking thing in our society.
Sam Green
May 6 2012: wow,...I can relate,...i bagged on of my best friends,..and the others I watched them be put on a chopper in bag's,...I know i am hard,..but i also know the time will come when it will come back,.....I guess it as effected me by becoming emotionlly numb,....but i think that comes with the job...........I hope i touched on your topic.....
- +2
May 7 2012: Abel,
A very extreme situation..war time I gather...
I think possibly it is much harder to witness the suffering of others..or the unbelievable mutiliations and ravages of war or accident than it is to encounter accept and overcome our own suffering.
What you have witnessed is much harder I think than one's own suffering.May 7 2012: My wife's 15 months in Iraq definitely changed her. I believe the end result will be great inner growth, but I think it may have destroyed some very precious things about her as well. Nietzsche said, "'What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." I think the point at which hope disappears (even a little) is where hardships begins to "destroy" us.
jenni logue
May 9 2012: Scott, the precious things about your wife have been buried, they cannot be destroyed. With time, patience and nurturing they will surface again. If I may be so bold to say I think a common link in all of the stories here, and this held true for me, is a missing element: feeling love for oneself. As I continue my learning/teaching adventure of life I see this to be true in every patient I work with. A core belief in our culture is it is selfish to put your own happiness first.
- +1
Yet loving yourself and being happy, being SELF-ish is not the same as being egotistical. It is a way to fill your tank so you have plenty to give and the ability to receive.
Pick up a mirror and look deeply into your eyes until you look back at yourself with love. It is a powerful step in healing all areas of life.
I hope I haven't stepped off topic here.
Cheers.May 10 2012: Scott and Jenni,
My experience is in line with Nietzsche's quote..."What does not destroy me, makes me stronger."
I also agree with your insightful statement Scott..."the point at which hope disappears (even a little) is where hardships begins to "destroy" us". Although the hardship cannot destroy us, our perception of the hardship certainly can lead us to feel like we may be "destroyed".
I agree Jenni, that some precious things may become buried, and with patience, nurturing and unconditional love of ourselves, can surface again. I also agree that it is common to believe that we should not give to ourselves. It is the practice of looking at one "self" honestly, with love, caring, patience, compassion and empathy, that we allow deep feelings to surface again.
We may be trying to bury some of the feelings that emerge, and may not like what we see. However, with the feelings we may not like to experience again, will be the feelings that we are trying to uncover.
When we bury feeelings, we bury ALL feelings. When we put up protective walls, masks, defense mechanisms, it prevents us from feeling. It's important to "peel back the onion", and when we do so, it takes courage because some of what we experience may not be desirable. However, that is the only way to get back to the core, and truly look at our "self" with love.
We cannot give to others something we do not have in ourselves, so to rediscover all parts of our "self"...'Know thyself" ....is on the path to turning challenges into experiences from which we can learn, grow and evolve as loving human beings. As you insightfully say Jenni..."It is a way to fill your tank so you have plenty to give and the ability to receive"...well said:>)
jenni logue
May 10 2012: Dear Colleen,
- +2
Any type of healing comes in layers.. When buried emotions or memories are ready to be released they surface and it may seem as if we are regressing, and it can be a very difficult time leading us to bury the emotion again.
When the "peel back the onion" concept is understood, one can say okay, "I'm peeling off this layer" and let yourself feel and release. It is also important to understand that at the same time the good feelings, happiness, joy, peace, are around us. They may be buried by the layer being peeled off.
Use this knowledge to make a choice. Example: You feel depressed. (a) You can immerse yourself in the depression to the point you can't do anything but feel depressed.( b) You can understand it is a layer being released and flow through it, choosing to feel the depression for a few minutes at a time and then remember memory that brings up joy and choose to stay there. (c) Or for the more advanced, bring the happier you over to hold the depressed you as you would a hurting child and comfort yourself.May 10 2012: I agree Jenni, that healing comes in layers, and when buried emotions or memories are ready to be released, they surface, and it may seem as if we are regressing. I believe that is what keeps people from exploring painful emotions and memories. When we can get past the pain sometimes, it takes us to a new level of understanding, courage and strength in ourselves.
The more we do it, the more we realize the benefits...don't you think? I agree Jenni that we can make choices regarding what we allow ourselves to feel at any given time. Once we know that, the exploration is not so difficult or frightening, and in fact, enjoyable, in my perception. I know now how much joy and gratitude I experience once on the other side of another layer:>)
When we have compassion, empathy, and unconditional love, we can indeed give strength to the part of us that is not doing so well. Well said Jennie:>)May 10 2012: Dear Abel,
There are times when we become "emotionally numb" to protect ourselves...to prevent our experiences from destroying us. You seem like a very insightful person, because you also recognize that it may be part of the job, and the most important and insightful part of your comment, is this...."but i also know the time will come when it will come back".
I totally agree Abel... feelings that you wish to return, will come back. I hope you are talking with a trusted person, and I also sincerely hope that you have patience, compassion, empathy and unconditional love for yourself. My thoughts and love are with you my friend.
May 6 2012: The benefits of suffering have been documented by faith-based belief systems for centuries, yet it's the last thing anyone wants to look forward to. The 'no pain no gain' mantra of fitness can apply to experiences also, in my opinion. For me, extreme hardship has never occurred. I've never been tortured, never been a refugee, never been experimented upon, never lived in a shanty and ate garbage, never suffered through debilitating illness, was never racially segregated, never faced the choice to die for what I believed in. The 'hardships' I experienced I hold up to these. I'm not trying to minimize the pain that anybody faces. You asked how hardships have impacted my life. This is what my hardships have done for me. Exposed me to empathize the suffering of others in our world.
- +2
May 7 2012: Great list RH! Torture, being a refugee, being experimented upon, living in a shanty, eating garbage, suffering through debilitating illness, being racially segregated, facing the choice to die for my beliefs are broadly unfamiliar to those of us with computers (we're among the world's wealthiest people). I discussed such insurmountable hardships a bit in my reply to Johan.
May 7 2012: Scott & Abel,
I wish I had better recall of details and an actual link but I recall brain studies showing through brain imaging that when we witness the unimaginable..extreme cruelty horrible devastation, it actually causes a physical change in the brain..exactly as if it were a physical injury to the brain. To protect the whole being, the brain shuts off the the empathic response..and the "forgets" to turn it back on when we are out of the place where we are actually witnessing the horror. That is why, the research showed, PTSD people also often have attachment and relationship problems.
May 8 2012: Yes, You may have surmised that this is "where I live." Trust and empathy are finally re-emerging after over 3 years. What I'm seeing is that PTSD slowly (i.e. VERY slowly) resolves to some degree. Extreme patience is required on the part of loved ones. Again, I must come back to my faith. Without it, this would have been impossible for me, and she might never have come so far.May 6 2012: I've had my share of hardships. I went through a divorce about 4 years ago when my parents split up. The situation changed me, mostly to the better but for me, the hardship wasn't the reason it changed me to the better.
It could have easily went to the negative instead, the reason it didn't was that I knew how to handle the situation, and I recieved a lot of support from the school I went to and from various other people. If that support hadn't been avalible to me, or if I was stupid enough to decline it, the hardships would have turned me into a horrible person.
Hardship alone does not make for a positive change, one has to add some level of support from the surrounding, and intelligence to reflect upon ones actions to the equation as well.
I do not believe enduring hardship for prolonged periods of time adds to the result in a positive way either, but that's just according to my experiences. A person with different experiences may say otherwise.
It was an interesting topic :)
May 7 2012: Life is complex, unfair and very unpredictable. I believe a large part of why you prevailed is because you believed you could, made good choices and continued to hope. Rather than the point of dehydration, starvation, exhaustion or injury, I believe the point at which hope disappears is most often the point at which a hardship "destroys" us. If we DECIDE to make it through (most things), then we can. Having the strength, courage and determination to persevere is greatly enhanced through appropriate coaching, support, and/or mentoring.
[PERSONAL NOTE TO JOHAN] I think there are things which are truly insurmountable--major tragedies and many addictions come immediately to mind. There, I think a higher power is required to get through. After looking and dabbling in almost every spiritual thing out there (I grew up in California and founded a spiritual seekers club at UC Santa Cruz) the only higher power I've found that really, permanently, powerfully changes lives for the better is a personal relationship with Jesus. It's important that I contrast this with "religion" in the sense of denominations and labels. Such religion mainly involves other people establishing rituals, making and enforcing rules, and mediating and directing your spiritual life. I bring this up because I feel you may still be rather unsettled in your crisis, and I truly believe this is the best answer when we are not strong enough on our own. (P.s. This is MY experience only--nothing more nor less. I am not trying to use TED as a pulpit, and not interested in engaging in religious or metaphysical debates.)
Mitch SMith
May 19 2012: Seems to me, that the more you live life, the more hardship you will encounter.
- +1
Sadness is a colour of the rainbow, such as blue, happiness might be yellow, anger red, vitality green -
there are no bad colours.
The colour exists in today - tomorrow has no colour, yesterday is any colour you choose to paint it.
Hardships? I can list a few:
Violent upbringing fistfights, gang wars, bullying
Car accidents, 2 failed marriages, a few failed carreers,
Brother died - fall from a cliff, mother's rape-child appearing after 30 years
Wife developed MS, son Autistic ..
I consider myself to be the luckyest guy on teh planet.
Through all this, my eyes have been opened and I can see so far, sure, it gets lonely observing all the silly assumptions that people retain simply because they haven't been there .. get a bit angry sometimes, and I've learned how to respect anger in others .. the rainbow. Learned to accept and admit my own shortcomings.
But the rainbow .. ah the rainbow!! All that pain and joy!!
More please!
May 20 2012: Whether to answer a poet or just enjoy his words...
Thanks Mitch!
May 20 2012: Thanks for the opportunity Scott.
It's an honour.May 18 2012: Thank you for opening this discussion Scott.
I have been very fortunate in my life but can also relate to this topic. My most extreme hardship was almost losing our daughter at birth. This was extremely difficult at the time. Thankfully my hardship has a happy ending and she is now a healthy almost 2 year old.
If it were not for the staff present at the time and the resources we had access to, I know it would have been a lot worse. For example, if I was in a hospital without the resources to manage such a situation (and there are so many women in this world who give birth without these basic resources), not only would our daughter not be with us, but I would not be either. In the face of extreme hardship, we were very fortunate.
The way that this has impacted on my life is that I look back and realise how lucky we are to be here, and how lucky we are to have access to basic resources that saved our daughter (which so many women worldwide, sadly, do not have access to). I am so thankful to have had the staff and resources available to us. And I am so thankful that our daughter is with us, and that she is healthy.
May 18 2012: Linda,
Your appreciation for the amazing blessings of your life inestimably improves it. Thank you. I've discovered that after counting my blessings, it's hard to remember why I ever felt sorry for myself, shortchanged, poor or in some way disadvantaged. Somehow each one of us has an advantage--the most inspiring replies have been from people who've snatched victory from the jaws of certain defeat. I am certain I've gained more from this discussion than anyone else!
Thanks to you (and everyone else) for so many great comments!
ScottMay 18 2012: An excellent topic Scott
Well Here are the list of my setbacks
-Lost my father at an early age of 15
-family financially broke
-Hardly any friends to make due to our financial condition
-Chose engineering since that is the only field that gives you decent income despite having keen interest on Clinical Psychology and Music.However now I am good financially .
-Had to end a beautiful relationship with a girl only because we are bound by so many rules in India
-Failed twice in CAT exams which is rated one of the toughest competitive exams
-Diagnosed with typhoid and almost survived a battle with death
My Success stories:
-I have a healthy income
-I made good friends with people on TED
-TED videos were always my source of inspiration and now I am planning to give a TED talk myself
-I am planning to take up the role of a venture capitalist at an early age of 24
-My family loves me the same way now just like I am a 6 year old (which is very essential to anybody)
-Fixed strained relationships through my skill of clinical psychology.
-Working on taking music professionally
So this is my story
May 18 2012: You, sir, are an overcomer--well done! I expect that you inspire many people around you. Reach out to the ones who also have hardly any friends due to their financial condition. Tell them your story! Encouragement is one of the greatest gifts we can give--and it costs us a little time and a small effort to be kind.
May 19 2012: Respected Sir,
If we come up with such similar Topics we can encourage everybody in the world and show them the proof that we are always close to achieving what we always dreamt of . I want to inspire people more so that tomorrow we have a much more beautiful world for everyone.
Best Regards,
Karen Young
May 13 2012: As I was growing up I had to deal with other kids constantly picking on me, other parents in the neighborhood not allowing their children to play with me (I was not part of their church so was considered a bad influence, a heathen) and an abusive father. It all culminated with a gang rape when I was 15. I fell apart completely. I had been going to therapy for 6 years at that point and none of them were able to help. My mother finally got me to a crisis center and I got yet another therapist. This one, however, told me "all of the therapy you have been through was trying to make you okay with who you are. It is obvious to me that that can't happen because the person you are was created in response to an intolerable situation. This person needs to die... and you need to create someone new, someone you WANT to be." It was a watershed for me. For the next six months I spent a couple of hours a day with him twice a week. He taught me so much. From how to spot the manipulations of my own mother to how to decide what color was really my favorite. I learned how to spot the lies I told myself and discovered the person I was supposed to be. After that six months I never went back to therapy... and I have never faltered from my path. I am now a happy person with true friends, a satisfying career, many good memories, and a significant other of 20 years that I love deeply. None of it would have been possible if I hadn't hit rock bottom and gone to that crisis center.
- +1
What I came away with was that you can't let anyone else determine the person you should be. Its your choice.
May 14 2012: Your story is inspiring Karen. It just shows how one person (in this case your last therapist) thinking outside of the box, can help you find the path you need to take towards healing.May 14 2012: Wow! You hit rock bottom but got a fantastic therapist to put you back together again - better then before. Too many people consider we are who we are because of our genes - I don't. I believe it's 80% nurture - If you feel dysfunctional its probably because of your up bringing and early life experiences. So yes, perhaps most of us need to reframe who we are. Good luckMay 18 2012: Thank you so much for your inspiration Karen. To die and be reborn, easier said than done. Glad you had the right therapist in the end. I have longed for that experience all my life, now 48 and still looking for that. Maybe one day but I'm not getting any younger. I shall try to use this idea though, even though I don't have the tools to do it. I read about all these happy endings and I still have hope.
Thinking outside the box : ) thanks Jeanelle
Dysfunctional has been my life Heather and yes I believe due to lack of nurturing.
Ok so I'v just joined this site and hopefully you'll see me grow over time : )May 18 2012: Karen,
Yours may be the best story I've seen here so far because it contains so much. It contains a crucial answer to any hardship: become the person you want to be. While it's not The Answer for every challenge, it certainly was in your case and your triumph has been really amazing--WAY TO GO!
ScottMay 12 2012: Bullying and alienation, the deaths of loved ones, and living below the povety line for over 15 years.
I don't count those as the hardships that have been the worst in my life.
Nothing has caused me as much pain, grief, and restriction as having the mental illness I have.
It's suffering I can't make sense of. Illness makes me strong enough to just tread water most of the time. My progress in everything is severely hindered - my recovery has been in microscopic steps. When I'm more well, I can do more, when less well, I can hardly thank the people who get me through. When I'm less well, my progress actively goes backwards - I lose memories and skills. When I'm more well, I can usually just not quite regain my faculties.
Still, I'm grateful for my carers. I'm grateful for the brief peaks of happiness.
I think about death every day. But I'm grateful to myself that I keep on trying.
May 18 2012: Wow Anastasia,
You are so courageous to persist. I'm with you and grateful that you keep on trying too! Churchill said, "Never, never, never quit." I think you embody this. I have never endured anything so hard. I hope that you have a sense of inward peace that there is some value in all this, because it sounds like your mental and physical life is really a perpetual challenge. Have you considered inspirational speaking as a career? People who have and are actively overcoming great challenges can be highly sought after.May 11 2012: Dear Scott
Hardship and tragedy has made me realize that life is a gift, this moment is a gift. It has taught me that I am always stronger than I think and that I am endlessly resourceful.
I have learned to look at myself and know that I make choices... I choose to learn, grow and thrive. I have learned that no matter what comes my way, I can always find something to be grateful for. Gratitude is the ultimate resource and Appreciation is the gift that keeps on giving!
May 16 2012: Hi Aneesah, Have you red Hemingway's books 'For whom the bell tolls' "Fiesta"? Hemingway preached the entire world about the value of true grit in times of adversity but he himself chose another track. Life sure is a gift but its always more pleasurable to give a gift than receive one.
May 16 2012: Gurinder,
The paradox of life!
It sure can be bitter-sweet!May 18 2012: Thank you Aneesah,
Your reply also supports my thesis--that we grow the most through hardship. The "easy life" isn't really worth a hill of beans (though it'll cost you all you have).
I appreciate your comment,
May 18 2012: Dear Scott,
thank you. Yes "hardship", rising to challenges in a resourceful and generative way, all types of challenges even those we set ourselves (positive) to get stronger and more resilient.May 10 2012: Loosing 2 boys aged 3 months and 2 months to neurological disorder in the space of 3 years and at the time we were starting a family, had a profound impact on my life. God why us ? was the question that assailed me as I was a helpless witness to the suffering and aggressive medical treatment of my boys and our mental agony.
However, in their death which was not in vain I have enriched myself in many ways in the years that followed. Empathy - Spirituality - reaching out - accepting 'what 'is' - understanding - contemplation in short become more humane is what my boys have gifted me. Their deaths and our mental suffering and agony has profoundly impacted my life. I can feel and empathize with the suffering of others.
I have also learnt to soldier on and undertake social service with passion. My story LUCY ME will help in understanding what my 2 boys have contributed to my life. It is in respect of the community eating initiative started by our Spiritual Head.
May 10 2012: Asgar,
Such a loss...such an agony..such a triumph that your spirit instead of being crushed flowered.
I was a seed in a crack in the concrete, sun and water came and I became a flower and I sent my seeds out , with the help of the wind to better soil where sun and water came and they became that garden over there which feeds this village
Asgar, your inspiring story and blog ( where I found the seed for the above) speaks of what happens almost universally to those who come to the ground of their being through suffering.
.they turn outward to the wolrd they turn outward to service to the world and for the first time they know in the ground of their being what it means to be human..what humanity is all about, what our place in it is.
A radiance of blessings to you Asgar.
May 15 2012: Dear Lindsay
thank you for your radiant blessings and heartfelt commentMay 14 2012: The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse.
HKellerMay 18 2012: Asgar,
Empathy is so and so often lacking in our world. You are an inspiration, thank you for sharing!
ScottMay 7 2012: I would like to be able to honestly claim that I experience 'ramp-style' growth: consistent and gradual growth, willingly and wisely carried out with a healthy self-discipline. That's what I'd like to say!
But my life is characterized by 'staircase-style' growth: highly incremental and dramatic growth, often unwelcome and delayed until my nose hits the riser of the next stair step! For the deepest and most meaningful life changes, this is how I roll!
Like many - and maybe most - people, I can become comfortable with (or settle for) the status quo. We've all heard sayings like "on autopilot" or "with the cruise-control on", I think that hardship, and many other lesser crises, may be the impetus we need to break our inertia, to reinvigorate our stagnant lives.
During my twenties, I too endured the loss of a close friend, in a light aircraft (civil) crash. The suffering that followed profoundly impacted my life: I rejected the masculine reticence expected of men in the subculture of western part of North America. Connecting with emotions long-ago subverted in childhood was itself confusing and difficult, but it certainly made me a more valuable and supportive friend to others (and to myself). I have to thank Carl Jung for his brilliant-yet-scary teachings!
Another apparent hardship was the deflation of energy prices precipitated by the near-collapse of the financial system a few years back. My accounting consultancy in the energy industry - and the healthy income it provided - quickly disappeared. After nearly a year at a third of the income, and following my eventual bankruptcy, I realized that accounting had been a terribly bad fit for me as a person! Ironically, I had been squandering most of those fat consulting cheques on vacations and a fancy lifestyle that dampened my deep sense of dissatisfaction.
Thanks for your highly provocative question, Scott!
May 7 2012: Great story Scott!! Thanks!!!
Parallels my own experience and that in many other accounts of suffering that we somehow discover that we have been living quite a distance from who we really are in our core.
I am happy for your discovery
Peace.May 7 2012: Thanks for your rich and thought provoking comment! I really understand. I used to be a manager at Walmart. I often tell people the greatest thing they did for me was to fire me!Jun 1 2012: Scott, I would love to read your answer to your question.May 26 2012: Recovering from unexpected brain bleeds is as tough as my life has ever gotten for me and the most poigniant lesson for me is quite clear. I am amazed, impressed and humbled by the courage and tenacity of the human spirit.I have literally seen people with half their brains removed go back to their lives. I have seen bright beautiful babies who were born in hospitals where their dad was in a coma and women love and adore their husbands just as though they remained unchanged by the events. Humanity is one awesome and strong species.May 21 2012: Some truly inspiring and moving stories here, thank you for the topic Scott. In terms of my own life, the setbacks, difficulties and hardships I have survived have simply made me the person I am today. Maybe not completely 'healed' but I think moving in the right direction. I have that over the years I am able to accept what has happened and forgive. Made it easier to move forward.May 16 2012: Everyone is a survivor in one way or another. Everyone gets to reach the end of life without much efforts. Most people never get everything. I have endured traumatic experiences & till i live there could be more of it. Whenever i am in difficulty i tell myself that i could not be alone so take that in stride. Some people become bitter for some time after going though a bad phase and then revert to their true self. I don't believe that everyone learns lessons from their experiences good or bad. There are people who are so self centered that no experience ever changes them as they have a predetermined outlook.May 12 2012: My plaque is reversing less than a year after my quadruple bypass surgery.
I have outlined some of the pitfalls of filling our guts with guts; how the sun will shine brighter and the water will taste better if we eat lots of plants. I have not shared results.
I am due for my next checkup at the Cardiologist in the next month. The results of my carotid artery sonogram are here:
Anyone can pick apart how long humans have been eating meat or how or brains would be the size of peas without animal protein. There are thousands of studies and experts that will refute any effort that promotes focusing your diet on grains, vegetables & fruits.
I take 10mg of Crestor a day. Maybe that is the cause of the Plaque reversal? Maybe it is the baby aspirin? Maybe it is the 30 mile run I ran on Sunday? Maybe its the aluminium foil hat I made myself to avoid cosmic radiation…
I say: try it. Try eating nothing but Plants & Grains for a week. Two weeks. One month. Don't tell anyone, do it for yourself.
There is no downside… only upside.
The proof is in the non-dairy, no fat, pudding. (Try chia seeds, rice milk, honey)
May 18 2012: Excellent! I have been pursuing a juice fast as in the movie "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" on and off for the past three months. It's been a great experience, I feel SO MUCH BETTER--and I've dropped 30#. I have sworn off grains and refined sugar, but I do drink milk eat dairy. The results seem comparable. Interesting--a change toward healthy eating takes a sacrifice, but it makes a big difference. The biggest challenges are uncooperative people. Some are well-meaning, but there are some not-so-well-meaning folks. All want to get me back into eating garbage because:
a) They are being generous,
b) My diet makes them feel guilty,
c) The way I eat SEEMS too expensive for them, and / or
d) My progress makes them angry because it disputes their expertise, refutes their conceptions about me, or shows them up because they are following something "more scientific/professional/expensive" and having a weaker outcome.
Thanks & keep it up!
ScottMay 8 2012: Hello gentle people,
and thank you for your warm feedback.
Scott, I have found many friends with MS and only know something of the challenges your friends faced and are facing. Some nerves are damaged and symptoms depend on how and where the damage occurs. MS presents differently in every person. MS is just a name but it's cool that we become friends so quickly. I guess there is nothing like common interest.
Perhaps there lies a lesson. Find that common interest and we all become friends.
Hurry, before some one starts another war and that becomes the common interest. Sorry, I can digress.May 7 2012: Thanks Scott!May 7 2012: The hardship by which i went thru made me what i really wanted to be in my life .................. when i was struggling in the woods of life to find my way from where i went thru my place but the hardship gives the perfect way which i deserve.


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- The Observer, Sunday 4 November 2012 00.00 GMT
The new Guardian crossword site: tell us what you think
Competition entries for the latest Everyman crossword must be postmarked not later than Saturday night. The first three correct solutions opened will receive a set of stylish Penguin Dictionaries, worth £30 and perfect for anyone who revels in the English language. £15 book tokens for the first five correct solutions opened. Completed Everyman crosswords should be printed out and sent to: The Observer PO Box 6604, Birmingham, B26 3RW
Winners of Everyman No 3,590
Tony Foran, Much Hadham, Herts.
E Brenchley, Bexhill-on-Sea, E Sussex .
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Why did you choose this product?
I was looking for something neutral with a touch of red to go with some red bedding and this rug is beautiful....
ITEM#: 14778347Made with real wool, this Safavieh rug adds comfort and style to any room of the house. This hand-spun rug brings a touch of the old world into your home with its traditional oriental design. Its cotton backing gives it extra durability. The rug's neutral color scheme allows it to be incorporated with many different room colors and types of decor.
- Durable cotton canvas backing
- Primary materials: Wool
- Pile height: 0.5 inches
- Style: Traditional
- Pattern: Oriental
Tip: We recommend the use of a non-skid pad to keep the rug in place on smooth surfaces.
All rug sizes are approximate. Due to the difference of monitor colors, some rug colors may vary slightly. We try to represent all rug colors accurately. Please refer to the text above for a description of the colors shown in the photo.
|Cotton Wool
|Weave Type
|Rectangle Round Runner Square
|Beige Ivory
|Rug Type
|8' x 10'
|Hand-spun wool, cotton backing.
|Model Number
Customer Reviews
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perfect rug
I was looking for something neutral with a touch of red to go with some red bedding and this rug is beautiful.Read More
item is much darker than the photo shownRead More
lush shag
modern, silky and oh so warming to a roomRead More
Plush and good-looking
Echoing other reviewers: it is thick and plush, probably more so than I expected, and feels like good quality underfoot, especially for the price. The colors are somewhat darker than the pictures show, and the patterns are a bit more detailed than the image would suggest. But I mean that in a good way. It's a nice rug that I'll keep. Mine seems to be shedding maybe not a lot, but enough to be annoying. I've only had it for a couple of weeks, so hopefully that'll abate. Put a good vacuum to it and it should be OK.Read More
Colors are as shown, beige, sand, muted greens, deep rust-red, bordered with dark brown. This rug is thick and nice underfoot. Very pleased!Read More
After being heistant to order this rug (there were no previous reviews) I finally pulled the trigger. Fast shipping and it's beautiful. The stock photo on the site does not show the detail nor an accurate hue. It is a true beige (not gold or peachy). It has a chocolate border. It has a large pattern on it (which looks great in the 9x12) and the smaller patterns in-between the large markings are very faint, so it's not at all busy. I would decribe it as true beige with some brown, deep red, and sage green accents (not overwhelming). Very warm and neutral. So far no shedding, no problems. Very glad I took the risk.Read More
Nice wool rugs for the price
I bought two sizes of this same Rug - the colors matched perfectly. I had to return the first of the larger rugs because there was some of the brown pile missing on the dark brown border. Overstock handled this without a hitch paying for all the shipping costs to take the one back and ship me a new one. The new one was fine. So when you order make sure you just cut the top of the plastic bag they ship it in and slide out the rug to make sure its ok. This way you can reuse the bag if you need to ship it back. Other than that these rugs look great in our living room and I'm hoping they wear well.Read More
What was the smell!
The rug itself is quite attractive. The odor that accompanied it was offensive! In fact, after a month of being down,it is just about gone. Because of the smell, cannot recommend the rug.Read More
Rug smelly & sheds!
The rug was very pretty & I was excited when we first got it. But after 3 weeks, it was still off-gassing & shedding like crazy. We packed it up & returned it. We had a similarly made wool rug before this one which did not have either problem.Read More
I've been pretty successful with ordering from Overstock (& have ordered 2 rugs in the past) and have been very happy with the rugs.. But the image Misrepresentation of this item is borderline offensive!.. The rug is way darker than pictured.. The more appropriate description of the colors is not ivory/beige but brown/olive... I was looking for a light colored rug and ended up with a chocolate and green one instead... (& i checked the item number of the rough it is definitely the right rug-no mistake here) It definitely has that "chemical" smell to it as well.. Really upset, especially because i paid almost *** for it!!! but with it being such a pain to return (& EXPENSIVE!) i'm stuck with it...Read More
Questions & Answers
Color and pattern
It appears to be of high quality and the colors/size fits my needs.
My wife liked it and the price was right, especially no shipping fee.
The colors, the size and the price
Does this rug come in 10x14 or 10x12?
Hello skara5, unfortunately that size rug is not in stock. However, this is available in a variety of sizes that can be found under Options, in the drop down menu. Thank you for shopping with us!
Does this rug come in 8x10?
Hello pwgallagher88, the 8 x 10 feet size is currently out of stock. New sizes are restocked as they become available, however, we cannot say if this size will be restocked. The closest size we currently have is the 6 x 9 feet. Thank you for shopping with us! A.C.
Will you be carrying the 9x12 again soon?
Hello amy3322, this rug is so beautiful! Unfortunately, we don't currently have a 9-foot x 12-foot size available; new sizes are restocked as they become available, however, we cannot say if/when this size will be restocked. We do have a rug that is 9 feet 6 inches x 13 feet 6 inches. I hope this helps. Thank you for shopping with us.
where is this made?
Hello nagl, This beautiful rug is made in China. Customers have given this rug excellent reviews! I hope this information helps. Thanks for shopping with us.
Is there a way to get the actual measurements as they are usually not exactly 8x10 or 6x9, can you please provide the measurements on the 6x9 and 8x10. Thanks!
Thank you for your inquiry regarding the Safavieh Handmade Anatolia Ivory/ Beige Hand-spun Wool Rug. As it states clearly on our web site, "All rug sizes are approximate". So no, we don't have the exact measurements on any of them. I hope this answer helps you.
Is it red or orange rust? The review mention red but on the picture I thought it was rust? Thanks
It looks like a rust with some reddish tones. Thank you for your question.
Can you provide more pictures of this rug? The current photos show this in an orangish hue. I would like to see it in natural lights and more detailed view
After no response here, I lcontacted Overstock via live chat and they said they cannot provide additional photographs of this item.
Unfortunately we do not have additional images of the rug at this time.
Is it possible to get a sample swatch of Item #: 14778347? I'm looking for a 9x12 Safavieh Anatolia AN512A TAN area rug. I think this is the correct rug but need to be certain before ordering the 9x12 area rug.
Im sorry we do not have swatches for any of our products.
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I've read that female mules can sometimes have offspring, but that male mules are incapable of doing so. Why is that the case? Is their sperm not capable of entering the egg or is their a genetic reason?
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Biology Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for biology researchers, academics, and students. It's 100% free, no registration required.
It's essentially genetic. The mule is a hybrid of a male donkey and female horse. A donkey has 62 chromosomes, a horse has 64 chromosomes, and a mule has 63 (mix of 62 and 64). There is a mismatch between both number and structure of the chromosomes and as a result, most mules are infertile.


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Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers;
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked;
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
The ANSWER: They're right here!
What you will need:
6 hard boiled eggs
1 jar pickled Jalapeno peppers- 8 oz
1 jar pickled red and green Cherry peppers- 8 oz
Assorted fresh vegetables and herbs- cleaned and trimmed. I used celery, green onions, carrots and cilantro.
Chopped garlic
1 quart Mason jar or zip baggy
Empty the peppers into bowls. Save the juice to pour over the top.
Start layering with the vegetables, then eggs, pickled hot peppers, more vegetables, a little chopped garlic, a couple more eggs, etc.
Just about any fresh vegetable will work in this recipe. Asparagus, green beans, zucchini, peeled garlic cloves, mushrooms, etc.
When the mason jar is full, pour the reserved pepper juice over the top so the eggs are totally covered. If you don't have enough juice, top it off with any oil vinegar dressing you have on hand. Just plain white vinegar works too.
Seal the jar and put it in the back of your refrigerator for one full week. Remind yourself that immediate gratification is highly overrated.
Mark your calender. If you aren't familiar with Oldtimers' syndrome, you'll learn all about it someday. Hopefully later than sooner.
I'll be back in a week to share some pickled pepper egg ideas that Peter Piper never dreamed of. Please stay tuned.........
Updated picture: This is one hb egg marinated in white vinegar and green food coloring for 1 day. It's already turning green and tastes great! I'll be back after more experimenting.
Good luck.
I guess we'll see.
Large can of Jalapeños (whole, w/ carrots and stuff in brine)
One onion, sliced thinly into rings
Two cups of apple cider vinegar
1 cup of water
Spices (peppercorns, bay leaf, salt, whole allspice, etc)
Several tablespoons of turmeric (color, and possible health benefits, not much taste though)
I small bottle of hot sauce
Hard boil and shell 1 dozen to 18 eggs. Place in jar.
Combine vinegar, water, onion, hot sauce and spices and simmer for 5 minutes. Allow to cool, then pour over eggs in the jar. Open Jalapeños, pour entire can, juice and all into jar also.
age 1 hour or more. They will get more and more pickled, but the dye will not go further than skin deep. The spiciness of this dish does not seem to go past skin deep either. Serve in a bowl, plate or paper cup with one Jalapeño and maybe a bit of that sliced onion.
You can use the brine for one more go-around, but by then the Jalapeños are all gone and I'm ready to make a fresh batch.
A good share of making any food appealing is presentation. I'm sure they would taste great without the coloring but that extra step makes me want to try them.
Good job and good luck in the contest!
Pickled hard boiled eggs are like regular hard boiled, but with flavor.
Thanks for sharing mate :)
You look like you're familiar with the hot stuff. You will LOVE these eggs!


text:
Comic 275
(Auto-generated by the comic page creator)
(added NaCL fun fact)
|Line 65:
|Line 65:
==Fun Facts==
==Fun Facts==
Latest revision as of 15:00, 4 May 2007
Link: Comic 275
Translations: http://www.beaverandsteve.com/wiki/images/8/8f/Finnishflag.png Finnish, http://www.beaverandsteve.com/wiki/images/5/52/Frenchflag.png French, http://www.beaverandsteve.com/wiki/images/5/57/Polishflag.png Polish, http://www.beaverandsteve.com/wiki/images/0/04/Danishflag.png Danish, http://www.beaverandsteve.com/wiki/images/7/79/Italianflag.gif Italian
Title: salt assault
Date: April 24, 2007
Summary: The Earth comes under a celery attack.
Cast: Beaver, Steve, Space Celery
Onomatopoeias used: "DAK", "CHUGGA", "SIZZLE!", "HISS!", "LICK!", "GLUK"
"Fin" style: Tongues
Number of panels: 8
Panel 1
Beaver: "Oh no! The Earth is being invaded by space celery!"
Space Celery: "Graaa!"
Steve: "Don't worry Beaver, I prepared for just such an eventuality..."
Panel 2
Steve: "With these slug guns! Eat mollusc!"
The gun DAKs as it fires.
Space Celery: "Aaugh! My foliage!"
Panel 3
Space Celery: "Very clever Earthlings, but we have also prepared for just such an eventuality!"
Panel 4
Space Celery: "Salt-tanks, attack!"
The salt tank CHUGGAs towards Beaver and Steve, while Beaver's gun DAKs as it fires and the slugs SIZZLE! and HISS! as they hit the salt tank.
Beaver: Oh no! Our slug guns are useless against them! What do we do Steve?
Space Celery: "Ha ha!"
Steve: "I'll tell you what we do Beaver..."
Panel 5
Steve: "We lick! We lick like the wind"
Panel 6
Steve begins to LICK! the salt tank.
Space Celery: "Nooo!"
Panel 7
Steve pauses to drink from a glass of water, loudly GLUKing as he does. The Space Celery silently watches him.
Panel 8
Steve resumes LICK!ing the salt tank.
Space Celery: "Nooo!"
Fun Facts
- The side of the tank is imprinted with the chemical formula of salt - NaCL - also known as Sodium Chloride.
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text: Quick View Mason Jar Mug by Libbey In stock online $4.50 Add a touch of rustic charm while entertaining this summer. This mason jar features a handle, making it easy to use as a drinking glass. Perfect for accenting décor around your home as well. 16 oz capacity. See Details $4.50 was $4.50


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So many deals, so little Monday! There's a monitor deal in particular you have to see to believe.
The PS4 won't play DVDs and Blu-rays out of the box. You'll need to install a 300MB software update first.
Also on tap: a slightly less big TV, a $30 Powerline Ethernet kit, and an $18 MP3 player.
This latest batch of releases is loaded with gems.
The disc-based movie's days may be numbered, but Blu-ray is still the best way to enjoy pristine audio and video. Plus: two bonus deals!
Oppo's new player not only sounds great; for some buyers it eliminates the need for an AV receiver.
Buying physical copies of movies seems to make little sense these days, even if they provide digital versions with the purchase, given the frustration involved.
The Audiophiliac has the Blus -- a list of the best-sounding music Blu-ray discs, that is.
Sony has unveiled the slimmest and cheapest version of the PS3 yet, but is it a solid replacement for a Blu-ray player?
These are the upcoming Blu-ray releases that you really should be buying.


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Fight Like Apes (also referred to as FLApes or FLA) are an Irish alternative rock band formed in Dublin in 2006. Their current members are Mary-Kate "MayKay" Geraghty (vocals and synth), Jamie "Pockets" Fox (keyboard and vocals), Conor Garry (bass) and Lee Boylan (drums) , while original members Adrian Mullan (drums) and Tom Ryan (bass) left the band in 2010. They are known for their elongated record titles, usually inspired by B movies. They have released two EPs, How Am I Supposed to Kill You If You Have All the Guns? and David Carradine is a Bounty Hunter Whos Robotic Arm Hates Your Crotch (both in 2007), and two albums, Fight Like Apes and the Mystery of the Golden Medallion (2008) and The Body of Christ and the Legs of Tina Turner (2010). In 2009, they released an EP for the American market titled You Filled His Head with Fluffy Clouds and Jolly Ranchers, What Did You Think Was Going to Happen?. Fight Like Apes have toured the UK with The Von Bondies, The Ting Tings, The Prodigy and Kasabian and have played several Irish and European festivals throughout their career. They have appeared on several television shows in Ireland, including Tubridy Tonight, WeTV, The View, Other Voices and The Cafe. They have also had some success in Asia, where they have been signed up by Sony Music Entertainment Japan for an album release on that continent in April 2009. The band have been nominated for five Meteor Music Awards, Fight Like Apes and the Mystery of the Golden Medallion was nominated for the Choice Music Prize and was named 31st best album of the decade by Phantom FM at the end of 2009. Fight Like Apes were named the fourth best Irish musical act of their generation by The Irish Times in 2009.
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Overnight I-69 Restrictions
This Weekend at SR 37
FISHERS, Ind. – Contractors for the Indiana Department of Transportation (INDOT) are planning traffic restrictions on I-69 Friday and Saturday nights for work on the new State Road 37 flyover bridge.
Milestone Contractors will restrict the left lane of northbound and southbound I-69 between Cumberland Road and 116th Street Friday and Saturday nights from 8 p.m. until 5 a.m. All exit ramps will remain open at all times.
Improvements to the northbound exit configuration and a new two-lane flyover ramp to State Road 37 are expected to be complete before improvements to the southbound side of the interchange begin sometime this spring. A second contract will rebuild the median shoulder to add a southbound travel lane between 116th Street and I-465 and will also construct auxiliary lanes to connect interchange ramps between 82nd, 96th and 116th Streets. All work is expected to be complete by the end of 2013.
INDOT plans to present details and updates to the public at an Operation Indy Commute – I-69 project open house on Monday, February 25 at the Fishers Train Station. Project team members will be available to answer questions from 5 to 7:30 p.m., and a formal presentation beginning at 6 p.m. will outline the project schedule—including one temporary ramp closure to expect during the 2013 construction season.
For details about Operation Indy Commute – I-69 and to sign up to receive email updates about the project from INDOT, visit indycommute.indot.in.gov. For construction updates, photos and more via social media, "like" the Indiana Department of Transportation: East Central Facebook page and follow @INDOT_ECentral on Twitter.


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The folks with the TRiO program at the University of South Carolina at Lancaster never seem to disappoint when it comes to their annual OSPy awards.
This year, they created a real-life carnival on campus – and there were plenty of games, hot dogs and popcorn for everyone in attendance, not to mention the awards that highlight the event.
The 12th annual OSPy (Opportunity Scholarship Program) awards were held Wednesday in the multipurpose room at the Bradley Arts and Sciences Building.
ROCK HILL - Lancaster native Zachary Blum was one of two Winthrop University students recognized with the American Legion Award during the 2009 Student Life Awards Ceremony on Thursday.
The award is presented annually to graduating students who display outstanding courage, companionship, character, service and scholarship.
Blum, a political science major, has volunteered to help children who are financially or physically challenged, raised money for numerous worthy causes, tutored fourth-graders and worked with Habitat for Humanity for nine years.
Catawba Indian music, dance and pottery are all on the bill for the fourth annual Native American Studies Week at the University of South Carolina at Lancaster.
A number of demonstrations, lectures and discussion panels are slated to offer a closer look at Native American history and customs and how they have made an impact today.
Scholars, Catawba Indians and archaeologists will be among those participating.
All events are free, open to the public and will be held on USCL's campus.
If you're looking to grow the greenest grass or strengthen your cell phone reception, there are a few local students who may help you out.
Zachary Bean, a fifth-grader at Discovery School, did his science project this year on drought-resistant grass.
He tested different types of grasses to see which one could stand straight the longest without receiving water.
The Pensacola Bahaia proved to be the best in his experiment.
Nick Retter, an eighth-grader at Indian Land Middle School, explored cell phone reception for his project.
Traci Scott is fully aware of the complications and tribulations associated with diabetes.
Her son, Matthew, was diagnosed with type 1, or juvenile, diabetes when he was 7. They received the information during a regular check-up.
"It was being hit broad side by a Mack truck out of the blue," Scott said.
She described the following few days as a blur, as the family was overwhelmed with information, including that about insulin intake, carbohydrate needs and other diabetic details.
Students throughout the school district are being rewarded in a big way for their commitments to excellence.
More than 100 seventh- through 12th-graders have received scholarships through the federal GEAR-UP grant.
GEAR-UP, which stands for Gaining Early Awareness and Readiness for Undergraduate Programs, offers support and programs to encourage students to attend college.
The district is in the first year of this three-year grant program.
The Lancaster Soil and Water Conservation District is accepting applications for the Glenn Alexander Memorial Scholarship.
The $500 scholarship will be presented to a Lancaster County high school senior who will be attending a college, university or technical college and majoring in an agricultural or environmental-related field such as agricultural education, agricultural economics, agricultural engineering, agronomy, biology, forestry, horticulture, soils or wildlife management.
The deadline to apply is 3 p.m. April 3.
INDIAN LAND – Denise Trufan walks up and down the halls at Indian Land Elementary School with a smile on her face and a bounce in her step.
As she steps out the side door to check on one of her gardens, a few teachers yell "congratulations."
But Trufan doesn't like to bring attention to herself. She'd rather talk about what she does that helps her students learn.
Trufan, who teaches science to all the school's students, recently received a major honor for her dedication in the classroom.
Applications for Leroy Springs student loans are now available for students who are planning full-time attendance at a four-year accredited college or university in South Carolina.
The loans are also available to students who attend York Technical College.
Loans are available for up to $3,000 a year for undergraduates and up to $4,000 a year for medical or dental school students.
Organizers of North Elementary School's upcoming Spring Fling festival promise an enjoyable time for the entire family.
The 11th annual event, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday on the school grounds, will feature more than 10 inflatable rides for children.
Participants will be able to play the Dance Dance Revolution interactive video game, go on hay rides and experience a bungee trampoline. Children can also enjoy a shark slide, laser tag and an obstacle course.
Copyright © 2015
The Lancaster News is your source for local news, sports, events, and information in Lancaster County and Lancaster, South Carolina, and the surrounding area..


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Question about which camera to buy
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Topic: Question about which camera to buy (Read 1420 times)
Posts: 1
Question about which camera to buy
November 03, 2012, 08:14:46 PM »
Wasn't sure if I should post in this forum, or in the Beginners one, so if this is the wrong forum I apologize in advance. I'm currently searching for a new camera, and would appreciate some friendly advice from those more experienced than me. I currently have a E-P2, and I'm not a fan of it. The lack of viewfinder, flash, and slow autofocus has become rather annoying.
I'm definitely learning when it comes to photography and would easily consider myself a newbie (still trying to get a grasp on exactly how Aperture, ISO, etc affect the shot). So with that in mind, I'm looking for a camera that I can grow with, something that is decent, yet on the lower end of the price range, and has some solid lenses to work with.
I would like to stay in the micro 4/3 arena, as I prefer the small size of the camera, and recently played with my friends GH2 and liked it a lot. I went to a local camera store to play with it some more, and the guy there suggested the Sony NEX-7, and I was impressed with the auto-focus and the EVF.
So know I'm at a crossroads. The GH2 is definitely cheaper (especially with the release of the GH3), and I feel like it has more lenses to choose from, yet, the NEX-7 felt like a solid camera, but I'm unsure of the lens options, and a little bit detracted by the proprietary mount. I really didn't get to play with either enough to say I truly liked one more than the other, however there are some subtle features with the GH2 that I liked more (like the fully swingable LCD screen), although the build quality of the NEX-7 felt significantly better.
Lastly, my primary use will be for stills, but there will definitely be some videos shot here and there.
Any suggestions/advice?
Sr. Member
Posts: 288
Re: Question about which camera to buy
Reply #1 on:
November 03, 2012, 09:41:22 PM »
I just love my GH2. I've used much more expensive cameras, including the Nikon D3, and find myself using the GH3 A LOT, because it is so easy to carry around (not pocketable, but easy over the shoulder), and gives very good image quality. I like the larger-than-4/3rds sensor, which optimizes file size for the different formats it offers. The lenses available include not only the large array of Panasonic and Olympus micro 4/3rds lenses, but also the older ones (and many of them of very high quality), usable with an adapter, designed for the larger 4/3rds cameras. Those larger 4/3rds lenses are slow to auto-focus, with a good amount of hunting, but ultimately deliver an excellent result. The EVF isn't up to current state-of-the-art, but is good enough to not need more, in my opinion. I don't find myself wanting something better, and that is after enjoying nice optical viewfinders in earlier cameras. This camera just works. I'm sure the same can be said for the NEX-7, so the answer probably lies in which one feels better to you. I would suggest handling both if you can before making a decision. I like the size and grip of the GH2, which is sizeable enough to grip easily. One thing that pleases me about the GH2 is that the new GH3 doesn't seem to offer anything of significance to the still shooter, so I feel that I'm not missing anything by not upgrading (the GH3 is bigger, heavier, and seems designed for the videographer). The GH2 hits a sweet spot, with quality and controls that should satisfy for a good while. --Barbara
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Posts: 288
Re: Question about which camera to buy
Reply #2 on:
November 03, 2012, 09:45:11 PM »
So I just re-read my post, and, not knowing how to edit it, here goes a correction. The camera I am using a lot is the GH2 -- the one you tried and were asking about. I am sure that either of these cameras would give you an excellent learning/growing experience in digital and a lot of satisfaction with the results. Have fun. --Barbara
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Posts: 199
Re: Question about which camera to buy
Reply #3 on:
November 07, 2012, 01:45:59 PM »
I have not personally used any m4/3 cameras (though I hope to get one at some point.) I have looked into them quite heavily. From what I gather the GH2 is a very popular camera and many photographers enjoy using it. I really am impressed with the Olympus OM-D E-M5. If I were to buy a m4/3 camera today that would likely be it. The nex-7 is a great camera, but since you are on a smaller budget, perhaps you may want to look at the new nex-6. It looks to be rather impressive with a substantially lower price tag.
Posts: 25
Re: Question about which camera to buy
Reply #4 on:
November 11, 2012, 12:14:18 AM »
Quote from: gmoniey on November 03, 2012, 08:14:46 PM
I'm definitely learning when it comes to photography and would easily consider myself a newbie (still trying to get a grasp on exactly how Aperture, ISO, etc affect the shot). So with that in mind, I'm looking for a camera that I can grow with, something that is decent, yet on the lower end of the price range, and has some solid lenses to work with.
My first digital camera was Nikon Coolpix 2100, an awful tech in todays standards (2 Mpix with super tiny sensor), but I still like photos I taken with it. A camera is irrelevant while you still learning the basics. Once you will overgrow your camera you will know exactly what you need.
Full Member
Posts: 115
Re: Question about which camera to buy
Reply #5 on:
November 13, 2012, 08:17:52 AM »
JonathanR says, "I really am impressed with the Olympus OM-D E-M5." I am, too. I started a few years ago with the 4/3 Olympus e-620. As a backpacker I went for the size and weight. I have considered the OM-D E-M5. The swiveling LCD is helpful especially when the camera angle is low or at ground level. The LCD is a touch screen. Just touch the point in the frame where you want your focus point to be. You can zoom in many small areas of your image to check the focus before you shoot. In Manual Mode the exposure valuation numbers are right on the screen and you can easily see how they change the view.
The same is true with White Balance and the metering modes. You can see how the effect your image before you shoot. I have learned a lot about photography using this camera. Beyond the kit lenses, there are highly rated lenses. Remember, too, if you with a 4/3 camera 300mm is the equivalent to 600mm on a 35mm standard, but 12mm is equal to 24mm.
The manuals are pocket size, too, which helps when you are learning camera features in the field. Mine is well worn, but now I do not have to use it often. I believe the Olympus has two card slots which is a nice feature. The size of the cards might be limited to 16 GB. Check it. I have not used video, but have seen video is easy to edited in CS6.
Generally a higher ISO is used when the light gets darker and a higher ISO is also used if you want faster shutter speeds. Watch out for "noise" with larger ISO numbers and night shots can be effective using ISO 100 or 200, too. When I say darker, I mean low light situations such as inside a church or other low lighted building as well as out side in the evening or night.
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If you're fed up with the tedium of most mass-produced peripherals, BlissfulCASE will feel like a breath of fresh air to your techie tastes. After all, your new iPhone 4/4S deserves nothing but the best. This hard plastic cover will shield your device from harm while gussying it up with the attractive, color block design that's sublimation-printed on the case's metal backplate.
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