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…an iPhone, some stories and art, ewelry and mostly random thoughts…the journey is what you think it is
My cat is quite the huntress. She skulks down the lengthy hallway, surely imagining all sorts of creatures hiding in the molding, prey for her feline passions. At thirteen years of age, the boundaries of her defined black and white markings have begun to blur somewhat, grey hairs invading the black areas, and all the beautiful white spaciousness of her throat, belly, and parts around her paws is yellowing slightly, much like the color of the beginning sunset along the beaches on the East Coast of the U.S. Perhaps that is because this is where she is from. I am a New Yorker and she is from New Jersey. Now, however, we are here, in California, where my family origins are. But that is another story. And I wonder if our early beginnings are where we end up after learning to strip away the layers of logic we have been taught, that insulating and often deadly mask we are taught to wear.
She is an aging cat, moving through the last years of her life with incredible dignity. But there is a beginning of that inevitability that lives within her, as it does in all of us. Parts of her face are packed with grey hair. Her eyes have become a bit dull. Her youthful spirit and sweet personality never hide although there are days when she struggles to keep it visible. She is petite, boarding frail now that illness has decided to reside in her, and seems fairly content although had life been different for her she would have been a noteworthy killer.
I don't think she realizes what she has missed these years of being a house cat. She sits in the window part of the day and sniffs the air that drifts by softly but doesn't seem to yearn for anything more than mornings on the enclosed porch, afternoons in the heating padded lawn chair in my studio, and occasional chin scrapes along the edges of the bookcase beneath the window on the far side of the house. She has her routine.
Her daily travels include a trip down our long hallway. Her prowling is purposeful. Her mission is worthy of noting as she prowls. She begins in a back bedroom, sticks her head out the doorway, and looks down the hallway to peruse the area efficiently. She steps over the wooden threshold, begins a nearly timid first few steps as she moves her head from side to side bringing into view everything possible. She issues one sharp meow as if alerting anyone and anything that might be lurking. She quickly moves to a stately stance, one that exhibits confidence with her strong legs solidly moving and her arthritic hips bringing up her rear with less than feminine grace but complete effectiveness. Her mission is to seek and secure the area, although the only thing there has been lately to seek out was a stray lizard which seemed to confuse her. Toy? Enemy? Food? It was clear she wasn't sure and in that unsureness her choice was to let it live. There are lessons in that for all of us. Let it live. Be compassionate and swift in one's decision but always opt for life unless and until we know what to do. Don't be led by assumptions.
As she progresses down the hallway one begins to notice a wiliness that sits on her shoulders, a cat superiority that envelopes her as she switches from curiosity mode to surveillance and struts like the queen she knows she really is, keeping her queendom safe from invaders. She has always known what her job is. She is a guardian and the house sheriff, ready to intervene if necessary, to leap on anything that might move against those she loves or annoy her during her long naps on her blue blanketed, heating padded lawn chair.
Toward the end of the hallway she stops and looks back at her path. There is that minute of paused staring when her eyes are fixed and solid in a gaze of accomplished wonder. She is at the halfway mark. There are considerations and adjustments to make for the return trip. Anything hiding behind the walls might have shifted their position, or built armies, or even set traps for her. She gazes with the surety that comes with seasoned travel, the awareness that even if uneventful a trip is a worthy way to spend one's time. In her aging mind, there must be reminiscent flowers and shrubs, the scent of freshly mowed grass and pine needle droppings. She balances the memories, snaps out of her paused gaze, and proceeds to the kitchen where she walks slowly in circles like the ancestors she has a sense of but has never known. She knows she isn't them but also that she is directed by their legacy. And so, the circles slowly shrink – apparently, nothing will die today – her expedition for game ends here, in front of the refrigerator door, where she will be fed the reward of the day in a glass custard dish, licking herself clean in the corner before she heads back down the hallway. Life is often exhausting, hence the need for rest stops.
Always, at this point in her travels, she is picked up, hugged, spoken to and scratched into a state of loud purring. Her eyes are always on the distance, though. Her hearing isn't as sharp as in her youth. It is clear she doesn't always know what someone is saying. There is a blind spot in her vision although in her travels down the great hallway she doesn't seem to be effected by it but as she is held and loved there is the knowledge that her illness is progressing. She weighs too little. There are moments of great lethargy as well as moments of silly activity throughout her day. Her rabbit fur mice lay dormant and lonely in a toy box that she no longer frequents. The litter pan takes longer to get to and suddenly there is more than one water bowl for her. "Keep her hydrated and feed her anything she wants." All these reminders of who she was then, and who she has become, flood everything and she is let back down on the floor where she contemplates the trip back home. It seems to get longer every day.
There is the second long paused glaze as she recalculates, summons the cat gods and their wisdom and utters a yowl as worship and gratitude for their unending and faithful guidance. Once again, the legs are solidly planted on the floor, her stance is strong and purposeful, the arthritic hips click and align and she begins moving although a bit slower than before. She is as intentional as earlier and journeys back down the hallway, passing each doorway with caution as if all the lights are green and in her favor and, finding no perpetrators or villains, enters the studio with a backward glance, yowls one more time, and slowly climbs up to the blue blanketed, heating padded lawn chair where she will sleep and dream for hours of what life might have been like if she'd been free.
Every single day, I wonder – Should I be less selfish…should I let her out the back to roll around in the sandy grass near the cows… should I clear a path away from the dogs next door and the guns I hear pop in the distance and just let her roam…let her be the killer she could have been until she….I cannot think of what would happen…free her? Should I? Could I, at this point, after all these years?
How do we ever know what is the right thing to do for the beings we love, for the causes and the projects we have to make decisions for, for the goals we set, for the paths we walk down and the responsibilities we encounter as we go through life? What if we're wrong? I question myself. There are moments of complete confusion mixed with crystal clear insight. It is simply a mixed bag of concerns.
I know one thing. In this world of choices, the only right choice is the one that comes from the center of our hearts. We don't know what endings are in store for us, we only know that there will be endings. That is the only given and we aren't necessarily sure of that any longer. Therefore, the only sensible way to live is in beginnings that stem from love. Using logic never works, not when it is void of the heart, of the intention of love, of the goal of love – of the mission of love.
As we walk our path, embrace our demons – imaginary or otherwise – we are the ones who decide what we see, what we will react to and what that reaction will be, and how we will interpret the trip. We determine where we will be when the trip is over, how much love will be in our hearts and that, I am convinced, depends on how much love we give away. It seems to be an endless flow of emptying and refilling.
Wherever your love is, look now and embrace it. Be grateful. If you can't find love, create it by changing how you make choices. Choose to let love live. Share it. Give it away. Give more and more. The more you give, the more is there. Give it to people, pets, things that grow in the earth, the water, the sky. Learn to get down on your knees and praise what you feel. Don't label it. Don't praise someone else's god. Praise your own. Praise your garden, your friends…….pay attention to the cat going down the hallway or the dog growling in its sleep. Fall in love with choosing what you experience. Make choices based on your heart, on what comes into your soul and speaks to you, not on what you were taught to choose or be. That is your head speaking. Your head wants you to be afraid to travel. Your head lies. Your heart – when you really listen to it, when you dig down and break open all the walls – does not know how to lie. It only knows how to get you down the hallway and bring you back purring.
I first thought of this blog post a month ago, began writing it two weeks ago and then it stalled the way a storm would over a fictitious group of islands in the imaginary ocean of a bad novel. It seemed to hover and gather energy while not quite knowing in which direction it would go, if any. Some storms dissipate. Not this one. It just seems to hang around. It's about dialogue with friends, other women in the same age range. We discuss art, writing, rebuilding lives altered by illness and job loss, lives after everyone else has left the house, the failing economy, divorce, spousal death, all of life's challenges and mostly wanting to be of service – as if our lives hadn't already been about that all these years. Now that we are of a certain age the need to confront these issues as they arise is paramount if there is to be continued happiness in the houses of our altered lives. Many of us are now alone in a culture of youth and blatant propaganda. Opportunities for women of a certain age have never been anyone's priority. This isn't news. I Googled the term "women of a certain age" to see what beliefs existed that were definitive of our age range. I was appalled at search results. I don't know about you, but I've never had an affair with a pizza boy (Pizza? Couldn't it at least be the car salesman?) and I don't wear exceptionally gaudy clothing, yet these traits were listed as definition on one of the websites I visited. And, I only have two friends with "sensible" haircuts. One is a relative I'm not fond of who apparently likes looking like a manly man, and the other has had the same haircut since she was in her 20s. She still looks amazing. We are not represented by this definition. Most women aren't. We defy definition. We redefine definition.
But how do we redefine the definition of who we are while facing this desert created by invisibility? How do we redefine while in the midst of everything else that comes with being a woman? Unless you are a woman in public office or of Hollywood notoriety, you see that at some point in the aging process you are no longer sought out or looked to for much of anything. It just happens. One day, you are there. Invisibility arrives and you are perplexed because inside of you is this energy that is the opposite of invisibility. Yet, there you are. In general, you are now perceived to have less value, less desirability, less pertinence.
Speaking about my generation, the ones on the edge of the tide of change, we are all the result of the freedom of the 1960s. We came into our own so to speak, and yet we become invisible to everyone from employers, politicians, and even family. What the hell is that about? It isn't only about our hormones. There has to be more to it. I don't have solid answers. I'm still at the question stage as I am on many things. It's a nice place to be, actually, because it is a place to look openly and without judgment in the search for truth. I do have suggestions.
We need to transform, to become something there was never time to be, something we are for ourselves and no one else, something closer to the nature of who we were intended to be. Why? Because it can change the world for the better. Because women are capable of anything.
"Transform" by Tammy Vitale
Historically, women were portable, malleable, and beatable beings with rarely a singular role. Newer generations now keep their maiden name without social discomfort, if that is their choice. We couldn't really do that. Being a mother made that choice less likely. Also, younger women now have a more broad scope of careers to choose from – doctors instead of nurses, lawyers instead of secretaries, scientists instead of cooks, and so on. They no longer have to be nurturers because of gender inequality although we have a very long way to go. War and draft: World wars, Viet Nam in particular left us behind. Enough soldiers were killed to reduce our chances of marrying. Yet babies needed to be born. Bullets and tanks had to be made. Soldiers needed to be put back together after being shattered as did their families – we, the people who stayed home – waiting, knowing that who would return wasn't who had left. Women now go into the military and suffer the same damages, yes, so they have won "choice", however now they suffer on a more direct basis. It is a no win situation because we are still second to all.
Women are refurbishers, supplanters and vehicles for hosts of souls who continue to press against the walls of the universe, inhale, wait for that first beat from the drummer and thrust themselves through the portal of life into the form of living flesh, screaming their way into existence. Men can't do this. That's our job. That's what we do. We bring into being. Anatomy is Destiny (Sigmund Freud) – or so it has been. As we age, we become invisible yet the seed marches on.
Every woman I know has been a caretaker of someone. I cannot say this is true of all men. Some, but none are driven by nature of their own birth. Women who haven't given birth still become the caretakers of someone – siblings, parents, other people's children, the addicted, the failures and now and then, when the planets align and the heavens shine light upon us all, the geniuses who arrive on the planet as saviors and scientists who will catapult our species into a new dawn. They need caretaking also.
At some point, we all raise someone but women do it more often, more intensely and with fewer breaks, if any. We tend to delay more. Think about that. If you're a woman, you know. If you're a man, you've watched and listened but you can't know firsthand what it is like to have your body taken over by hormones, often against your will. They are the seed of an ever changing landscape. Whatever we do – make art, throw a ball, discover cures, master a sport or music, will always wait for everything else. It isn't a terrible thing, but it isn't a free choice. Regardless of which choice you make, the stakes are often too high to bear.
The only answer I have found, for those of us who live an inquisitive life, a life of constant growth, is to enter the realm of Goddess Nature, to slough off the old and reinvent our names, our energy and our own purpose. The work of birthing others is done. They have moved on. Spouses die, children go off on their own, lovers change partners and we enter a land of namelessness. I am not intending to paint a negative picture, on the contrary. I am not a negative women but I do see what has happened time and again and an answer is to see this land of namelessness in a new way, shining a light on what is for many women a complete rejection of who they have been simply based on the fact that they bleed. In this place where everything is possible – because that is what a land of namelessness is – we no longer have to be invisible. We can choose to be nurtured for the first time by sisters, Goddesses all, and men who are open to a new way of seeing, to the idea of creation instead of devastation. This is a place in which we can regroup, recharge, rebuild and rejoice. The Goddess Nature is our new home.
Her STory by Tammy Vitale
We've bled in many ways, from the heart, from the soul, and from our culture. We are of the past and of the future. Now, in the present we bond and commune and call each other by new names in order to continue the creative act of birth because this is who we are. We are conduits of life – this time, however, we birth ourselves because no one else can. The masks of mother, daughter, wife, caretaker, nurse and saint are shed and in their place there is a face that is the voice of truth and wisdom that only women have.
In the circle of Goddesses we create, we are no longer discarded. We are holy women who rise to the heavens and speak to the layers of life that hide from the ordinary being. Some of us chant in the woods, some write campaigns of freedom, some dedicate their selves to broad causes such as guiding peace to such a reluctant world, clearing a path of safety for the un-privileged who crave basic survival. We want them to have more. We are there, as always, and we are changed, refined, burnished, and anointed. We are the full cycle of life itself, free to be whom we really are now that we no longer have to be you.
On The Way
Further Still…
(Please zoom into the photos for a more enjoyable viewing experience)
"The truth is of course that there is no journey. We are arriving and departing all at the same time."……David Bowie
Shed Side
Where The Cows Live
Where The Cows Want To Go
"Beyond the fog lies clarity"…anonymous
Find beauty everywhere. It waits for you.
Early last year, I was editing some photographs and happen to show one to a then friend of mine. It was of a dead leaf, similar to but not the same as the ones above. People who know me well know that small moments of nature impress me, move me, capture my attention. I've had my share of jokes and comments about being weird, most of them oddly funny and harmless. Most. Not all. This was an old friend of mine, someone I hadn't seen in many years, a person I'd gone to grade school with, someone I'd reconnected with via social media. We'd been to the same schools, grew up in the same cultural environment, known many of the same people even after leaving school. I was happy to have reconnected with her at the time. We discussed many things in catching up, our mutual love of art, of great food. We remembered each other's parents and siblings and shared some very funny stories.
The photo I'd shown her was one of my favorite. It was a leaf edged in brown (as those above), crisp along the edges and stemless. What appealed to me when I first saw the leaf were the speckles of black, brown and deep forest green, the brilliant oranges and reds that still resided in the core of the leaf, and that it was alone on the ground, isolated from all that it had ever been with, left by the world to die alone. I found this somewhat enchanting, and that it had perhaps inspired me to write a short story. There was much there, I'd thought, memories, holes near the veins, a codex of chirping birds, squirrels scurrying up and around it as it lived in the safety of the mother tree, winters of snow and frost yielding to the cool breezes of spring and the healing rays of summer sun, over and again until here it was, on the ground, alone, ready to leave the world as one form and become another. I saw the death in the leaf, of course, but also – first and most important to me – I saw incredible beauty, wisdom and transformation. It never occurred to me that someone else would feel moved in a different direction.
My then friend did not agree with my vision. All she saw was ugliness and death. I'm used to people not agreeing with my concepts, that they don't see what I see. I'm an artist and writer, not a politician. Somewhere in the thick of my weird and wonderfully strange childhood I made a not so conscious decision to follow this path – crooked though it might have been – and I am still on the road, traveling for a long time and with no intention of stopping. I will stop at the end of the road when it reveals itself as the end and I can no longer take even one more step. Not until then.
We are all so different, aren't we? This makes us interesting. We are, each of us, teachers and students at the same time. Our past loves and heartaches shape us. We are the product of our experience and our beliefs. Diversity contributes more to the creation of ideas than sameness. Ideas keep us alive and thriving. Control of ideas, however, does not. But, back to my then friend and the dead leaf photo…
What I hadn't expected in her dislike of my photograph was the depth of her disdain and what was, apparently, a hatred of this leaf and all that she felt it represented to her. Generally, I don't like indifference – it is often a coward's way out – but I would have welcomed that at this time. I was ill prepared for such a reaction to a photograph of a leaf. Her response was laced with anger. "Oh, how can you look at this?" She'd said sharply. "It's a dead leaf! It actually makes me sick." More than her loud, sharp words, I remember the tone of her voice, her annoyance at the idea that I would even show her such a thing. We were on the phone. I could almost hear the snap of every syllable as they leapt out of her cell phone, raced along as radio waves and then thunked hard and heavy into the ear buds in my ear. They squealed as they funnelled themselves through the narrow cord into the ear buds themselves, like invaders from a surprise and hostile galaxy. And that is when I should have known. But I ignore that crazy little voice that says……hang up.
"Look how intense the colors are. I love them." I'd offered softly, or something close to that as I recall. "I'm sorry. I didn't expect that reaction." I added, not sorry at all but trying for politeness from one of us. Maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe, I thought, there is something I don't know. She made that awful sound in the back of her throat, that deep guttural clearing of her throat that is meant to project disgust. (Disgust over a photograph of a leaf. Really.) "I can't believe you like this leaf! It's awful!" She exclaimed. "I actually have a headache from it." "Oh………." I stammered, and she remained upset at what was something that someone else had already offered to buy, and I could not understand this at all. She prided herself on intelligence, on elegance and charm. Yet, here she was ignoring the fact that this was a part of my art. And then…after a few more conversations…after giving her the benefit of the doubt (why, oh why, oh why)…after visiting and looking at the world around her in its lush divorce-won abundance….after comparing where each of us had ended up at this stage of our lives…listening to comment after repeated comment about how she could offer me lessons on better choices, most subtly delivered …watching her in a bar as she stared at a man and his wife, a couple having a lovely evening, as she flirted with him (he kept looking away to avoid her glances) and continually saying things like "I could get him. I'm prettier than she is.", and after listening to story after story of how her ex boyfriend wouldn't return her repeated and incessant phone calls, I began to understand. Here she was, accomplished on some levels, having so much and none of it was enough to satisfy what was so obviously a deep and unhealed self. You do not really know anyone until you spend time with them, live with them or see them in their broken state. Telltale signs appear. Wisdom is knowing how to spot them and having the courage to walk away. I was a little slow on the wisdom with this one but managed to rally. We can not heal other people. We can only decide whether we want to stay in the room with them when they decide to admit that they have fallen apart and need healing.
There are two types of people I know of. One is the type of person who sees beauty, if not in all things, then in something, somewhere, even in the bleakest of times. That type of person chooses joy as much as possible. That person fills themselves with love and personal freedom while kneeling to the holiness of others, cries and laughs without shame regardless of circumstances, and develops the desire to help others reach their potential instead of asking them to yield to their own beliefs. That person looks within for what they seek and centers themselves in order to see the world around them in its fullest, and decides daily to accept accountability for choice and intent toward others knowing we are all connected. We are mirrors. We are kin. If we are miserable, it will send out a wave of misery and reach to the far corners of everything and poison the landscape. That person grieves their losses and stands up to take that step forward.
The other type of person sees only the coating of beauty, the shiny newness of things but never the substance. They care little about truth, only about expectation. When they look behind someone's eyes, they see themselves, not what is really there which is the soul of the other person who is connected to them in a web that is designed to provide all with what is needed, wanted, and created by them. They have an answer for everything, therefore there is no need to inquire, to learn more or to exist for the sole purpose of experience and for the joy of loving for the sake of love itself. It is all planned out, the routine of expectation, of control and hostility that taints and discourages creativity – unless, of course, there is a monetary value placed upon it. That type of person is filled with angoisse toxiques – a toxic angst – because they have been wronged. The world has not given them what they were due and in retaliation, they refuse to see what is in front of them and set out to ruin what others have and will not give them, saying all the while that they do not want it. What they want is the other person's joy because they can't find their own. What is in front of them is real life. It is in front of every one of us. What is required is to see it, embrace it, and begin to say Yes.
As you've probably gathered, my then friend is no longer a part of my world, although in knowing that we are connected as living beings I am also reminded that she and I are simply two different points of view, two different choices on how to see the world, on how to walk down that road toward an inevitable ending (Yet, since I don't know everything, I must say that I don't know whether there really is an actual ending or not). We are, perhaps not so different in many ways. We are, however, different in how we see a leaf – I know that for sure – how we see the layers of life and in our expectations of others, of reward and consequence of choice. I guarantee you she doesn't agree with any of what I've said. She would tell you that I am in denial, that she could help me find a third husband, that she knows better than I do how I should live my life for complete fulfillment.
And so, I wonder…..which one are you? How do you see yourself? Are you entitled or grateful? Are you a half full type of person, or half empty? Who do you believe creates your life? You? Or some "other"? Let me know. I'm an artist and writer. I'm curious to the last breath.
(You might want to read the previous posts on Silence. Silence (1) is here and Silence (2) is here. That might further you along in the understanding of this Silence (3) which stems from………….)
……a conversation with good friends about the economy, job loss, loss of the middle class, personal things, aging, weight gain, all of us having had the experience of being stuck in Hell and not knowing how to get out. Here is a list of steps. There are other ways out, of course, but these work as a general guideline. They are efficient. Do the steps. Never mind the little details. Just do the steps and you will see improvement because as you do them, each will bring you to a new point of awareness. Over a longer period of time, you can do other things but right now, apply these steps for 10 ways to get out of your own current Hell. It doesn't really matter which Hell you're in. You're in Hell and you want out. (I will presume you want out. Some people don't. They seem to like it there.) You'll see how much better you feel very shortly. Don't analyze or think about them too much. Just do them. Love yourself enough to start now. Hell isn't much fun. Get out of there.
Get rid of Groundhog Day and get out of your head. Whatever happened to you – has already happened. Done. Fini. Fatto. You are repeating the pain from the past out of choice. That's right. You've made a choice. Make another. Stop hurting yourself. The past might have been horrific, but it is the past. If you need help, get it. But for right now, realize that whoever hurt you, whatever happened, it is repeated again and again by your thoughts. When you think those thoughts every day, all day, all you accomplish is repeating old pain. The original pain ceases to be the villain. Now, the villain is your thoughts. You can't undo the past but there is no reason to keep living it, therefore…
Dump the suffering. Grieving is a complicated process and different for everyone. Loss, whether it is of a loved one, a fortune, a dream, etc. is unique to the individual. But it is still loss and deserves its time. Sadness and pain are part of being human. Suffering, however, is unnecessary. Between the Groundhog Day syndrome and deep suffering, we stay in our chosen Hell. Grief will take its own time and you might need help with it but don't invite it in for the remainder of your life. I know this personally. I have had an intimate relationship with grief as most of us have at a certain point in life. Express the grief. Speak of it, paint it, share it, don't deny it, but don't live in it. Your life is a room of possibility, a world actually, with invisible walls. Grief is a visitor to that room. Have your conversation with it then open the windows, let it out. Inhale fresh air. Grief can be a false badge of honor when you wear it too long. You might not believe that as you read this, but it is. No one will be able to embrace your experience as you have. They will embrace their own. Don't' suffer. Suffering will never restore your dream.
Controlling feelings and outcomes. Stop. The only control you have is with yourself, your thoughts, your actions, what you intend. Any belief that you can control others in any way, is an illusion. It is also unfair and arrogant. Why would you need to control anyone or anything? They have their own life and are on their own path. However, you do have feelings, dreams, and desires. Don't deny them. They are there for a reason. Don't stuff them. Don't eat them, don't drink them. Don't rage them. If you are doing this, stop. Just Stop. It serves no purpose for you or others. Express them (as in #2 above). Here's the thing – you just feel the way you feel but when you're stuck in your own Hell you need to see that the world is doing its own thing and will not come there with you. Even if it seems fake, for right now find a trusted source with whom you can voice your feelings. Do so without expectation. If you're angry, say you are angry. If you are sad, say you are sad. Learn to connect with the feelings for what they are and be kind to yourself and the people around you. You need to go in the other room and cry? Do so. Come back without apology and start all over. But when you do these things, do not expect a specific reaction from others. (You see how #1 and #2 are related to #3).
Feelings deserve a voice but they do not need to be run on a track (#1), pounded into your subconscious inflicting more pain for you and others (#2) because that will keep you in Hell. Stop controlling the reaction of others and the outcome of events (#3) and you will begin to have some clarity. Once you have clarity, you can learn more that will help you on your journey. Your business is not to solve the world's problems or fix problems for friends. Your business is to get yourself out of Hell and be productive again.
Pay attention to the joys and sorrows of others. If you see people around you who are happy, it is because they have moved forward if they've had pain and suffering. If they haven't had pain and suffering, they will at some point. This seems to be a fact of human life. That's what you want to do, move forward. If you know them well, see if you can enlist their help, their wisdom. What do they know that could help you move on? How did they survive their pain? Remember that when you ask these questions of others, they will want to tell you freely what they think. Be courteous. Listen. Be grateful. It doesn't mean you have to do what they say. You are gathering information. Be open to suggestion (not control). Study the similarities. Do what you must in this regard and remember – if they have a life you think you want, then it means it exists already and there is a lot of it to go around. Don't get stuck in analyzing everything about why you think you didn't get a better deal, just pay attention to the positive things. See if they would work for you. You can figure out the rest later.
As for the sorrows of others, consider volunteering. Small scale or big scale it is beneficial for all and will take you out of your own misery at least for now. Remember that no matter what sort of pain you are in, you need to make time to help other people. Even if all you do is listen, do that. You are not the only one in pain. It feels like you are, but you aren't. Be of service. Service presents others with examples and ideas that they can act on.
Dump your garbage. Put on gloves (I mean this literally) and start right now. Let me first say this – no one needs a cleaning obsessed human checking all the corners and under the beds. It is annoying on so many levels. However – and this is definitely something I know to be true – get rid of your crap. If you don't use it, if it is ugly and you're only keeping it because a friend gave it to you, get rid of it. Clutter will kill you. What you are doing by living in a cluttered life is telling the Universe/God/Creator that you have no need for anything new. (If you believe in energy work as I do, you will come to see that accumulating items that are not loved, that sit there without their own space, is a disrespect for the item and for yourself.) You are living a past life and often, someone else's when you hoard. Yes, extreme clutter is hoarding. You are holding on to something that is not real. You loved your Aunt and she gave you wooden shoes and you still have them. Okay. Great. Then clean them, put them in a display case and show them off on a clean table in an uncluttered room. But if they are in the closet or in a box or hidden in some manner, then you don't love them as much as you thought you did. (If you love your deceased Aunt, there are better ways to remember her.) Get rid of them. Paper, also. Everything. If you can only do one of the 10 Ways to get out of Hell, do this one. Clean your house, your car, etc. with attention and intention. Dust, wash, declutter. (Art spaces exempt) All of that crap you keep is adding to your Hell and in the act of willful cleaning you will find order, and in order you will find a bit of sanity.
By the way: This includes you. Up at the same time every day, shower, shave, sing, blow dry your hair if you still have any and get dressed. Maybe a little makeup. Do all that with awareness. Be present. Anoint yourself with care. The only one you need to shine for is you, but do it in style. Others will see your glow. That's one way to be a light for others – start at home, now.
Have faith – Have success. No, I haven't gone religious. Fact is, we all need to work a system every day. Whether it is a church of your choosing, an earth ritual you do beneath the full moon (if you go naked, call me and I'll bring my iPhone), a 12 Step program – it is of no one else's concern, only yours, but you must work a system every single day. I use to walk 3 miles every weekday. During that time, I would organize my thoughts. I always felt better when I came home. Does yoga do it for you? Do that. Does grooming the dog daily do it? Do that. How about reading a specific type of text (Bible, Course in Miracles, 50 Shades of Grey type of "literature")? Do that. Do. It. Daily. You say you don't have the time? Well, you can't afford to not do this. Do something you believe in every single day for at least 30 minutes. Do it consistently. Make it your private connection to whatever you believe in. Don't complain to it. Give it gratitude. Thank it. Love it. Perfect it. Just do that which you choose as a system/program every day. It will transform your life once you understand that all of this is simply different forms of meditation, a way to connect to a power larger than your conscious self. If you don't believe in a larger power, then do it because it is a ladder rung at the wall of Hell and will elevate you out.
Get off your butt and close your mouth. Seriously. Everyone says this because it works. Most people in Hell don't want to do this. But do it. Exercise. Walk. Dance. Swim. Bowl. Go to the gym. Ride a bike. Anything. Just get off your butt. Talk to yourself out loud if you have to while you do it, but do it. Blood flows when you move. The brain gets oxygen. The lungs expand more easily. Your joints get lubricated. You are a living being. Move. As for diet, there are so many plans. I can't tell you. So just try exercising some restraint somewhere. Close your mouth. Push your plate out of the way and get rid of it. You can heal yourself of many things simply by movement and eating the right foods. Make it a game if you have to. Read about exercise, then do it. Read healthy recipes, then make them. And by the way, alcohol is not a good thing to overdue at any time but when you overdue it while you're in Hell, it makes Hell worse. Just get off your butt and close your mouth. Trust me on this one.
Watch stupid movies. Hollywood cannot make enough stupid movies. Watch some old and some new. Watch Bollywood movies. I use to watch the Japanese martial arts movies, the ones where there were no subtitles. I had no idea of what they were saying but I had to concentrate on the action. Fun. Drama. They occupied my thoughts instead of pain. Nothing heals a broken heart faster than laughing until your belly hurts. This goes for humorous books also. Ever read the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich? (Great easy read.) I read One for The Money the week my husband died. I actually laughed out loud and read it in one night. We all have a different opinion of what's funny. Find out what that is for you. Laugh. Find humor in Hell. There's humor everywhere. Get lost in ridiculous things. Take that burden off your back for a bit – it doesn't mean you aren't in pain. Everyone knows you are. They want to help. Help yourself first. You can laugh while you're there. Do this often enough and you might even forget about the burden. If you can't get out of Hell today, at least get a laugh track in there.
Hugs, Hugs, and more hugs. Get them. Give them. Hug something other than your computer or TV. Many people live alone or in other isolated situations. This isn't necessarily our conscious choice. Shit happens, as they say. Even if we choose solitude, it isn't always healthy. We all need to be hugged on a regular basis. Hugging increases oxytocin – the love hormone – and benefits the heart. We are "touch deprived" and it is more pervasive than you might think. Even people living with others who don't hug or connect physically suffer from the lack of hugs.
If you can't hug a human, hug a pet. Don't just take care of them. Pick them up, say hello, and hold on for a bit. It will benefit both of you. (This is where fish are probably not the best choice, although they do seem to reduce one's blood pressure.) Like all things should be done when we are trying to make changes that promote our best life, do it with intention and awareness…..be in the moment.
A personal note: I've had my cat for nearly 13 years. We have been through some very serious and difficult times together. I hug her all the time. I'm not sure how she feels about it but it has saved my sanity on many occasions.
Stop wasting time. Don't panic, but be aware that the clock is ticking. Lesson from me, personally: The clock ticks regardless of what you do with the sound of passing time. Might as well have some fun and say hello to all your dreams because you can achieve them if you are not living in Hell. You can do this. Make a schedule for your eyes only. Revise it as often as necessary. Work it. Buy yourself the time you need to do something new and reignite your passion. You don't want to be over regimented with this but a simple list of things you want/need to accomplish helps keeps you centered, especially when you're dealing with those thoughts and fears that you don't feel you can get rid of. Even when you feel like screaming, you can look at the schedule and see what you're supposed to be doing. It's another organization tool that helps keep your mind clear and open.
Lagniappe– (a small gift given with a purchase to a customer, by way of compliment or for good measure; bonus. A gratuity or tip. An unexpected or indirect benefit). Here is your Lagniappe:
Self-Love. Rumi says "Your task is not to seek love but merely to find all the barriers within yourself".
Everything you read in this post is about self-love. Start with You. Love yourself. Recognize that you are human and make mistakes, that your heart will be broken and you will break hearts. It's not the first time and it won't be the last. I have my own opinions on why we are here on the planet but this is about you and how you can get out of Hell. You might have other opinions on that. Love yourself enough to take the steps to that end. Once you are out of Hell you can look at the sky and see other things, read inspiring people, make bigger changes in your life – or not. It is your life to do with as you choose. So do what you want. But nothing will happen until you love and forgive yourself for all your flaws and failed attempts. Those attempts are not necessarily failures. Sometimes they are lessons and sometimes they are just mistakes. Get over your self-judgment and forgive yourself no matter what you think you've done wrong or how much you think you've ruined everything, because you haven't. Don't be so hard on yourself. Regardless of what anyone tells you, regardless of what your pain brain tells you, you are lovable and you are loved. Now, starting today, you need to love yourself so that you can love your life and everyone and everything in it. Get out of Hell.
A note about gratitude. Many times, when people give us suggestions about having gratitude, we can't understand the concept if we are in Hell. It seems like more stress. How can we be grateful for all this pain? Consider this – when you read about self-love and begin to understand that you need to love yourself first, you will see that you become grateful for your own life. Be grateful for that. Be grateful for waking up. Be grateful for absolutely anything you find every day that is of merit to your world. Start there. You will see, as you climb out of Hell, that you begin being grateful for everything. At that point, practice gratitude regularly. I do walk around and say "thank you" out loud when something wonderful happens or I see signs of hope. I don't label who it is I'm speaking to. I just say "thank you".
Still need more inspiration? Read Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It…Kamal Ravikant – Wonderful book. Wonderful – you can read it in one day instead of having painful thoughts.
Let love heal you. Start at home with You. Now.
As mentioned in a previous post, I've been contemplating the meaning of silence. That post was mostly my thoughts about the act (or non act) of ceasing to speak up against violence and harm, the refusal to participate in bringing to light the darkness that invades our freedom, whether we are a large or small group, and it was my statement on defending everyone's rights. We are responsible for each other's welfare whether we like that idea or not because we all live on this planet together. (This week, I've heard about two people dying via my circle of friends and three people – close friends – who are faced with devastating financial loss. This post is for them as will be the next one.)
There is another meaning to silence that is just as important to me, as most people know. That is the silence of grief, the quietness of a particular space that seems to appear when our sense of loss is so severe that we cannot seem to cope with it, and often simply cannot even seem to breathe. I know several people who are there right now, living in that space, looking for a way to hide from what has been too much pain. And I don't think this is a terrible place to be. I think it is not a good place to stay, but certainly it is a place we go to when we are faced with terrible loss. All the families and survivors of world tragedies go here, whether briefly or for long periods of time. It is inevitable in the human experience.
In that place of silence, where we initially feel that nothing can live, where we are abandoned by any belief system we've had – even if only temporarily – and where we want to stay, to cling to the loved one we've lost in death, the traumatic event that occurred, the job we've lost or been denied, our relationship breaking up, saying goodbye to our ideals and dreams – there are so many things we lose in a lifetime that it is impossible to list them. So many of them are such hard hits that we are stunned. Subdued. But there is also the potential for joy if we accept this inevitability and move forward, giving it what it deserves – our attention. If we refuse to see that this is part of life, then we miss opportunities for the reminder of love and the awareness that we can move on.
So, if we are destined to visit that place of silence, where we believe nothing grows and where no love can be, where we seem to have lost good fortune, let me share the following with you since this is something that has changed my life, first with the worse possible heartache, and second with the knowledge that I had choices and that in those choices I could transmute the experience and become a deeper and more caring soul. I did this, of course, with the support and love of others but I'm the one who went into the silence.
A poem of mine from when my husband died. As in all things, there really is hope in the end as you will see in last part of this. We forget that what is now causing us pain was a point of love before. That is what we mourn in silence, in that abyss. What we sit with in the dark silence is the awareness that we have lost what we love, but once we are back into the light we will see that the very thing we lost was such a gift that to have had it at all was a miracle, an act of Grace and Grace is where we need to intend to be for more of that goodness to shine on us. This is a personal piece for me and perhaps not your experience but it is the experience of many and lately, with the world seeming to be in such turmoil, there are far too many people living in the void of silence.
In all silence, in all desperation, grief and pain, there really is hope although while you are living in the silence you don't believe that for one moment. There is the opportunity to make new music to listen to, a new life to write about, and a new list of experiences. Tabula Rasa. Silence is a clean slate. But you will not see that if you don't embrace the inevitable because truth is the only way to live.
The wretched hours before dawn
The hours I've been warned of
As if warning heals anything
With envelopes of empty sorrows
People pass through
I can't bear another voice speaking
I wait for signs yet nothing comes
No wisps of hair moving at my neck
No fiery bursts of your heat in my belly
Heat that always curled my toes
Whenever we clung together
You purring like a big cat
Me feeling the rising of Kundalini
You growling low in your loins
Travelers on some other planetary realm
Heat that called me across rooms of others
Glances and thoughts that traveled
Light speed rattling me in my place
Peeking through this curtain of grief
Engravings in my heart chambers
The code of you
The timbre of your voice
Your scent before a shower
Reading together rainy nights
That edge of your eyelids where
Hairs pushed out like lustrous trees
Soft tiny reluctant soldiers
I watched them grow
Listened as they announced themselves
So long we stayed in bed and loved
I wait for golden molecules still
Announcing in this dark space
That your meteor trail is visible
The night sky illuminated
Gold dust and scattered stars
Waving your grand arrival
I would welcome any sign
Regardless of size or burden
Without question I would bow
Kneel to any master
Inhale you one more time
Fuse with your essence
I am free-falling un-tethered
Ninja stars stuck in my throat
My skin a coat of nails
I have never hurt this much
And I would do it again
Just to see the universe in your eyes
© Jacqualine-marie baxman 2015
So, silence in many cases is the same as solitude. Part of what I see happen to many people who have had hectic lives, never living alone or experiencing loss alone, is that they can be afraid of solitude. But solitude, as is true of silence, can be a place of beginnings, a place where one can rehearse a new way of being, try out the new thoughts and ideas and perfect them. Often, all one needs to do is breathe, rest and renew. One needs both silence and solitude.
My husband's death was a difficult time. All deaths are a difficult time. People who know me well understood that and were incredibly loving but no one could take away the shock of his sudden death and the ending of our brief marriage. I refer to this experience more often than one would think but that Is because the lessons I learned from it have giving me the ability to grow in ways I could not have imagined. I am grateful to now understand and be less afraid of what can seem to be unending silence and what has often been lengthy bouts of solitude.
I am a person who believes in healing but not denial of anything and I think that every single experience we have holds that possibility for us, even in what we think is our darkest time.
I am not alone. We are not alone. The silence is only a place where we can heal, once we let go.
Better minds than me….
"In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself." – Laurence Sterne
"The best thinking has been done in solitude. The worst has een done in turmoil." – Thomas A. Edison
"To make the right choices in life, you have to get n touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and find the solutions." – Deepak Chopra
"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship." – C.S. Lewis
Next post, I want to share thoughts of rising out of the silence of our own trauma and build a new life. If not a new life, then at least a new smile.


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African nationals headline autumn events programme
The Department is delighted to host three public lectures by highly acclaimed African speakers as part of its autumn events programme.
Next Monday (October 12), Winnie Byanyima (pictured), Executive Director of Oxfam International, will reflect on her experiences growing up in Uganda and how we must tackle crises of inequality in Africa. Read more >>
On 10 November, Professor Attahiru Jega, the former Chair of Nigeria's Independent National Electoral Commission, will present 'Giving Democracy a Chance' as part of the Africa Talks initiative. Read more >>
Finally, in another Africa Talk on 17 November, successful academic and author Professor Alcinda Honwana will visit us to speak about youth protests driving political change in Africa. Read more >>
Remember to check our Events page for more details on these and other events as they emerge.
Is Decentralization Good for Development?
A collection of essays co-edited by Professor Jean-Paul Faguet and recent PhD graduate Caroline Poschl has been published by Oxford University Press. Is Decentralization Good For Development combines academics of decentralization and policymakers who have implemented reform at the highest levels of administration.
More details about the book are available here.
A launch event for the book will take place on Wednesday 2 December (with details to follow on our events page).
Michaelmas Term research seminar schedule available
The schedule for the Wednesday Research Seminars is now available for the Michaelmas term. The series is open to staff and research students in the Department of International Development.
See the schedule here.
The EU and the Challenges ahead - Public Lecture
The Security in Transition team is hosting a public lecture by Dr Javier Solana on 'The EU and the Challenges Ahead'. Professor Anthony Giddens, former Director of the LSE, will act as a respondent. The lecture will take place on Wednesday 7 October at 2pm in the Hong Kong Theatre.
More details are available here.
More news >>
Faguet, Jean-Paul, and Caroline Poschl (eds),
Oxford University Press (2015).
Is decentralisation good for development? This book explains when the answer is "Yes", and when it is "No". It shows how decentralisation can be designed to drive development forward, and focuses attention on the institutional incentives that can strengthen democracy, boost economies, and improve public sector performance. It also analyses the political motives behind decentralisation, and how these shape the institutions that result. For more information, click here.
Leaving No One Behind?: Informal economies, economic inclusion and Islamic extremism in Nigeria
Meagher, Kate,
Journal of International Development, 27.6, (2015), 835-855.
This article examines how the Post-2015 commitment to economic inclusion affects informal economic actors in developing countries. It highlights the selective dynamics of inclusive market models that generate new processes of exclusion in which the most vulnerable continue to be left behind. The case of Nigeria reveals how inclusive market initiatives reinforce parallel processes of informalization, poverty and Islamic extremism in the north of the country.
Land Regimes and the Creation of Ethnicity: Evidence from Tanzania
Boone, Catherine, and Lydia Nyeme,
Comparative Politics, 8.1 (2015), 67-84.
Existing work on land politics in Africa suggests that governments, by creating and upholding neocustomary land tenure regimes, create powerful incentives for individuals to embrace state-recognized ethnic identities. This article strengthens the argument about the institutional determinants of ethnicity's high political salience through the use of contrasting evidence from Tanzania.
The Evolution and Reform of Palestinain Security Forces, 1993-2013
Tartir, Alaa,
Stability: International Journal of Security & Development (2015)
This article provides a contextual analysis of the evolution and reform processes of Palestinian security forces over the last two decades. It concludes that the enhanced functionality of the Palestinian Authority's security forces and the reformed style of governance resulted in the criminalisation of resistance against the Israeli occupation. In this way, the state-building project during the Fayyadism era directly and indirectly sustained the occupation.
Africa is rising – but for whom? Winnie Byanyima captivates a full house at LSETimes are changing, and so too must charities. After 75 years in Oxford, Oxfam International will soon be relocating its headquarters to Nairobi, the charity's executive director Winnie Byanyima announced last night. Addressing a sold-out Old Theatre, Ms Byanyima spoke about her experience growing up in Uganda and the problems that still beset the continent, before announcing that the company […]
Response to Angus Deaton's award of the Nobel Prize in EconomicsFaculty members in the Department of International Development respond to the news that Angus Deaton of Princeton University has been named the 2015 winner of the Nobel prize in economics. Elliott Green For the past two years I have used Angus Deaton's latest book, The Great Escape: Health, Wealth and the Origins of Inequality (Princeton University Press, 2013) as the […]
Romancing Principles and Human Rights: Are Humanitarian Principles Salvageable? – Stuart GordonDr Stuart Gordon, Programme Director for the MSc International Development & Humanitarian Emergencies, gave a paper at Manchester University's three-day international conference: 'A Quest for Humanitarian Effectiveness?' The paper was co-authored with Antonio Donini, former Director of the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Assistance to Afghanistan (1999-2002) and Chief of the Lessons Learned Unit at the UN's Office […]
What the Ebola Crisis Means for the UN's New Sustainable Development GoalsBy Shalini Unnikrishnan and Juliet Bedford The adoption of the United Nations' Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs) will likely have the same galvanising effect as the adoption of the Millennium Development Goals (MDGs) 15 years ago. They will focus the world's attention on the great economic, social, and humanitarian needs of our time. If we face a major health crisis on […]
Is Africa's growing population a threat to the Sustainable Development Goals?Martin Namasaka and Milou Vanmulken argue that exploiting the stalled fertility transition to meet the SDGs in African countries is contingent on improving public health and education institutions and promoting the informal sector as well as agriculture. This post is part of the Africa at LSE, IGC and South Asia at LSE cross-blog series. Recent estimates of Africa's population indicate […]
Monday 5 October 2015
Carlota Perez, Centennial Professor in the Department, features in a CNN report about reducing global poverty. Read the article here >>
Tuesday 29 September 2015
Professor Tim Forsyth features in a Deutsche Welle (DW) article about the battle between growth and conservation in Cambodia, notably the illegal clearing of the Central Cardamom Protected Forest.
Friday 4 September 2015
Alaa Tartir, a former PhD student in International Development and currently the Program Director of Al-Shabaka: The Palestinian Policy Network, has co-authored an article on Palestine for Le Monde diplomatique.
Friday 31 July 2015
Ruben Andersson, a postdoctoral research fellow and an expert on migration and border control, has been discussing the situation in Calais on BBC Radio Scotland. Ruben features 14 mins 30s into the show, which is available until the end of August.
Wednesday 22 July 2015
Professor Danny Quah features in a Bloomberg Business article about 1MDB, a recent financial scandal in Malaysia. Danny believes that Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak has lost momentum in his quest to turn Malaysia into a developed nation by 2020.
Monday 20 July 2015
Mary Kaldor has recently appeared on openDemocracy and the Strife blog from the Department of War Studies at King's College London. openDemocracy published Prof. Kaldor's speech from the IBEI graduation ceremony in June, while Strife published an interview with Mary about her perspective on the world and her career in research.
Monday 6 July 2015
Silvia Masiero, a research fellow specialising in ICT4D, has written a column for the 'Ideas For India' webzine about the leakage crisis affecting India's subsidised food programme. See a summary on our blog >>
Thursday 2 July 2015
PhD student Emrys Schoemaker features in The Guardian's recent article on Pakistan's reaction to the rainbow profile pictures on Facebook. Find more from Emrys on our blog >>
Wednesday 1 July 2015
A video of Robert Wade discussing 'new bubbles and troubles in the financial system' at the University of Oslo is available here. He was joined by Ola Storeng, a journalist and economics editor at Afterposten, and members of the Centre for Development and Environment at the university.
Monday 20 June 2015
James Putzel and Robert Wade have published letters in the Financial Times concerning the possible Greek exit from the Euro. Read the exchange here >>
Monday 1 June 2015
Four videos for our MSc programmes have recently been released. All of these are available on YouTube, with transcriptions and feedback also available on our blog.
Wednesday 20 May 2015
PhD student, Benjamin Chemouni, has made several television appearances as a political analyst on the military coup in Burundi. You can see captures of Ben on Al Jazeera English and the BBC World News via our Facebook page.
More media >>
Use of this website is subject to, and implies acceptance of, its Terms of use (including Copyright and intellectual property, Privacy and data protection and Accessibility). The London School of Economics and Political Science is a School of the University of London. It is a charity and is incorporated in England as a company limited by guarantee under the Companies Acts (Reg no. 70527).The registered office address of the School is: The London School of Economics and Political Science, Houghton Street, London WC2A 2AE, UK; Tel: +44 (0)20 7405 7686

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text: Mary Ann O'Brien | IBDB: The official source for Broadway Information IBDB: The official source for Broadway Information Official Broadway League sites: - sites - broadway.org broadwayleague.com broadwayfanclub.com kidsnightonbroadway.com stagespecs.org tonyawards.com Quick Search For: In This Category: All Show People/Org. Theatre Season Mary Ann O'Brien Performer Female Productions ProductionsDate of ProductionsStreets of Paris[Musical, Revue, Original] Performer: Mary Ann O'Brien [Mademoiselle]Jun 19, 1939 - Feb 10, 1940You Never Know[Musical, Play, Original] Performer: Mary Ann O'Brien [Dancer]Sep 21, 1938 - Nov 26, 1938 Find out where Mary Ann O'Brien and are credited together © 2001-2015, The Broadway League, All Rights Reserved. (Copyright and Disclaimer)


text: J. J. Riley | IBDB: The official source for Broadway Information IBDB: The official source for Broadway Information Official Broadway League sites: - sites - broadway.org broadwayleague.com broadwayfanclub.com kidsnightonbroadway.com stagespecs.org tonyawards.com Quick Search For: In This Category: All Show People/Org. Theatre Season J. J. Riley Performer Male Productions ProductionsDate of ProductionsSouth Pacific[Musical, Drama, Revival] Performer: J. J. Riley [Abner]May 04, 1955 - May 15, 1955 Find out where J. J. Riley and are credited together © 2001-2015, The Broadway League, All Rights Reserved. (Copyright and Disclaimer)


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Brave – Pixar's Hidden Easter Eggs
Fans of Pixar know to look for certain hidden items, or Easter Eggs, sprinkled throughout their films. For instance, John Ratzenberger, who voices a character in every film, played Scottish guard Gordon in Brave. Those with great vision would have spotted two other tributes hidden in the same scene. The…
Meet Katherine Sarafian, Producer of Brave


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By Chris Casey | University Communications
DENVER—Stroll right up and see exactly how CU Denver students "Learn with Purpose." That's what pedestrians on the 16th Street Mall are invited to do at the kiosks that stand between California and Welton streets.
The kiosks, which display information about the innovative education offered in various CU Denver schools and colleges, are the latest feature in the high-profile advertising campaign that bolsters CU Denver's identity as a vibrant research university where students are inspired to learn with purpose.
Just as the 16th Street Mall reflects the unique character of Denver, the kiosks convey the scope and vibrancy of the city's premier research university. Eye-catching displays inform visitors about four of the eight schools and colleges at CU Denver: College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, College of Architecture and Planning, College of Engineering and Applied Science, and the College of Arts & Media.
"Recognition, awareness and definition of who CU Denver is as a campus are the objectives of the overall campaign," said Karen Klimczak, university marketing director. "Now we're incorporating messages of what makes up CU Denver—the schools and colleges and the breadth of programs that they offer. The 16th Street Mall kiosks offer schools and colleges an opportunity to dive deeper and showcase how specific projects and opportunities are helping students to learn with purpose."
As part of the Downtown Denver Partnership's desire to connect Auraria with the downtown community, CU Denver's schools and colleges have use of the kiosks until the end of April.
The Learn with Purpose campaign, CU Denver's first comprehensive advertising campaign in its 40-year history, has employed an array of platforms—online, TV, radio, print, outdoor signs, 16th Street Mall buses, Larimer Square banners—to create the signature CU Denver brand.
The popular button wall that debuted in front of North Classroom last fall will be back this spring at a yet-to-be-determined site.
The website LearnwithPurpose.org showcases the campaign, providing facts about CU Denver and stories of students, faculty and alumni who are pursuing their passions at CU Denver.
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(visit the link for the full news article)
CNN) -- Her YouTube video started out innocently enough. The Canadian teen, her face obscured from the camera, held a stack of cards each filled with messages in black marker.
At this point the viewer may have no idea that they are about to be led on the most agonizing journey, one that pushed the premier of British Columbia to issue a stern warning against bullying,
The last cards say simply: "I have nobody. I need someone. My name is Amanda Todd."
The video has garnered the attention of many including the premier of British Columbia, Christy Clark.
"No one deserves to be bullied. No one earns it. No one asks for it. It is not a rite of passage. Bullying has to stop. Every child has to feel safe at school," Clark said in a You Tube video posted Thursday.
One day earlier, Amanda Todd's body was found in her home, police in the Vancouver-area city of Coquitlam said. She took her own life.
Amanda was 15.
Originally posted by live2beknown
reply to post by Sly1one
Nope...it's standing your ground! Trust me I've learned from Experience


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The initial firestorm surrounding the Internal Revenue Service's targeting of conservative groups may have subsided, but tea party leaders say the situation has only become worse and may lead to more lawsuits against the embattled agency.
New documents show the depth of information the IRS is seeking from Tea Party Patriots, a leading conservative group that first applied for 501(c)(4) tax-exempt status in late 2010 and one of many organizations singled out for extra scrutiny by the Obama administration.
An IRS letter sent to the group last week and obtained by The Washington Times contains a laundry list of requests related to virtually all the group's activities, including its involvement in the 2012 election cycle and its get-out-the-vote efforts, fundraising activities, all radio and TV advertising, and other information.
PHOTOS: The 10 worst jobs in Washington
The IRS also is asking for detailed financial records, including "the amounts and percentages of your total expenses that were for fundraising activities in the tax year 2011, 2012 and 2013."
The Aug. 20 request came as a shock to Tea Party Patriots, which said it already has provided to the IRS extensive information on all of its activities and thinks it is long past time to receive a "yes" or "no" answer.
The letter also is proof that, while President Obama and other liberals have referred to the situation as a "phony scandal," conservative organizations still are targets, said Cleta Mitchell, a Washington, D.C., lawyer representing the Tea Party Patriots and several other conservative groups.
"This is tantamount to an audit. This is the continuation of the same thing they've been doing for four years. They have not stopped," she said Thursday. "Tea Party Patriots has responded to all of the requests of the IRS to date, but that has gotten us nowhere. They just keep asking more questions. We are now looking at potential legal remedies, but that's not easy. Congress has made it quite difficult to sue the IRS."
The letter, according to the IRS, is simply an attempt to gather information necessary for the agency to determine whether the Tea Party Patriots is eligible for tax-exempt status under current law. Meeting the tax-exempt criteria requires that a group's "primary" function and activities not be political in nature.
Since news of the IRS targeting scandal broke this spring, the agency also argues that it has made significant progress in sifting through a backlog of groups — including the Tea Party Patriots — that have been waiting years for a decision.
As of last week, the IRS said, it has closed 64 percent of outstanding cases and approved 65 of 85 organizations for 501(c)(4) status.
But for the groups still awaiting approval, last week's letter represents nothing more than a delaying tactic, said Jenny Beth Martin, president and co-founder of the Tea Party Patriots.
Reviewing information on the group's activities in the 2012 election cycle pushes an IRS decision even farther down the road. It also raises the possibility that the organization's future efforts, including in the upcoming 2014 political contests, also will be subject to detailed review as part of a never-ending approval process.
"What that letter said to me is, 'We got away with discriminating against you and we're not stopping.' [The letter] comes as a complete surprise," Ms. Martin said.
On Thursday, the IRS said it couldn't comment specifically on the Tea Party Patriots case, but did defend its information-gathering efforts and argued that it has made great strides in its tax-exempt approval process.
"There are instances when IRS must seek more information before we can determine if an organization's application for tax-exempt status meets the necessary legal requirements," the agency said in a statement. "Effort and care has been taken to limit the number and nature of these follow-up questions to focus only on the information that we need in order to properly evaluate the application."


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As I see it (and I haven't tried the H or own the V system)...
I think they made a grave mistake by not keeping the 6x6 format and by not offering a mix of euro and asian glass.
The first because the square is part of what defines Hassy and has advantages in handling etc. The second because the glass is a larger part of what defines the company (even if the fuji glass is better or equal it would be an up hill battle to convince most trad. hassy owners). The other aspect that gives hassy its reputation is the the quality of their cameras' mechanical functions. It would be hard to replicate, in an AF camera, the feel of a mechanical one. For this reason I think they could be forgiven if the H1,2,2d, etc lacked the feel of the 50x's.
Instead they made a camera that is, albeit at a high level, essentially a generic 645 AF. It appears, if only on the surface, that the H does not justify the price when compared to the Mamiya, Bronica or Contax 645 AFs.
The omission of the 6x6 and the initial omission of legacy glass were two hard strikes against them. The comment that in the future the H will have a 'look' strikes me as a cynical marketing ploy. As if to say: "If we can't make it special we'll make it look special."
In any event, I have no dog in this race. I love the feel of the mechanical cameras, but would rather use a RF for hand held shots and a LF for tripod work. The glass is the one thing I find unique and compelling about Hassy's, but not compelling enough to make the plunge. The one exception is the SWC, which I plan to own one day.


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Ancestry.com - Search Immigration & Travel
Ancestry.com has searchable indexes; database results and some digitized images are available with a fee-based subscription.
Irish Canadian Emigration Records, 1823-1849
Original source: Neilson collection, Records of James Allison, Emigrant Agent at Montreal, 1823-1849. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada: Library and Archives Canada, n.d. MG 24, B1 vols. 21 and 22. Microfilm Reel C-15773.; Names of Orphan Children, 1847. Ottawa, Ontario, Canada: Library and Archives Canada, n.d. RG 4, C1, vol. 204, file 3036. Microfilm Reel H-2487.
Immigrants at Grosse Île Quarantine Station, 1832-1937
Online searchable database of over 33,026 immigrants who stayed at the Grosse-Île Quarantine Station between 1832 and 1937. From the Library and Archives Canada.
Immigrants to Canada 1930-1950 $ Updated
The names of those found in Orders in Council of the Privy Council of Canada for the years from 1930 to 1950. Lists contain the names of immigrants coming to Canada as well as the names of people sponsoring them. A fee-based service.
Irish Famine Migration To New Brunswick, 1845 1852
Searchable database from the Provincial Archives of New Brunswick.
Library and Archives Canada - Immigrants from the Russian Empire, 1898-192
Includes the Likacheff-Ragosine-Mathers (LI-RA-MA) Collection. When completed the collection will contain approximately 11,400 files including passports, passport applications, identity papers and questionnaires containing general information for Jewish, Ukrainian and Finnish immigrants who came to Canada between 1898 and 1922. This collection of the consular offices of the Russian Empire in Canada corresponds to the Russian Consular Records series in the United States.
MHSA Canadian Mennonite Board of Colonization Extraction Project
From the Mennonite Historical Society of Alberta. Project to transcribe the registration forms for each family that came to Canada under the auspices of the Canadian Mennonite Board of Colonization of Rosthern, Saskatchewan.
Searching the Canadian Immigration Records (1925-1935) Database
By Annette Fulford.
St. Albans Lists are lists of immigrants who crossed the border from Canada into the U.S. between 1895 and 1954. This site provides links to reel numbers (NARA and LDS) and explains how to obtain the reels.
US Ports of Entry in Canada - St. Albans Lists Soundex
Information on records of immigrants from Canada to the United States from the US Immigration and Naturalization Service.
Canada » Immigration, Emigration & Migration
12 Links


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|**CANCELLED** A Room for the Holidays
Event Type: Arts Program
Age Group(s): Adult (Ages 18+), Teens (Ages 12-17)
Date: 12/8/2012
Start Time: 12:15 PM
End Time: 1:15 PM
Tips on rearranging and decorating a room for the holidays, presented by Amy Donnelly. Pizza will be served after the presentation. Reservation required. You may register online or by phone, at 427-4303.Library: Washington Ave. Branch Map
Location: Large Auditorium - Washington Ave
Registration Ends: 12/5/2012 at 11:55 PM
Contact: Meg APL staff
Contact Number: X328
Presenter: Amy Donnelly
Status: Closed


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Shawn Barber's show Youth of Today opens Friday, July 8th @FFDG (7-10pm). and we're taking limited number of emails to be added to the preview list going live on Wed., July 6th. To inquire, email: info(at)ffdg.net
I'm not sure how many people are lucky enough to have The San Francisco Giants 3 World Series trophies put on display at their work for the company's employees to enjoy during their lunch break, but that's what happened the other day at Deluxe. So great.


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JFK Website (1)
Digital Archives (41)
Common Search Term: column
Boston, MA – In celebration of the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's presidential campaign, the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library today announced that it has launched a new Twitter feed based on Jacqueline Kennedy's syndicated "Campaign Wife" columns. The feed – @JBK1960 – begins September 17, 2010, exactly 50 years after the first column wa...
Search powered by Oracle Endeca ®.
JOHN F. KENNEDY PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY AND MUSEUMColumbia Point, Boston MA 02125 (617) 514-1600


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Companion Planting. The following is a list of vegetable and herbs which grow well together and protect one another from insect attack.
Many herbs are natural insect repellents that can keep your garden bug free and reduce or eliminate the need for potentially harmful pesticides. By using Companion Planting, many gardeners are discovering that they can discourage garden pests without harming helpful insects such as bees and ladybugs. Some herbs, through their odors or root secretions, will deter pests naturally. An added bonus is; these same herbs, planted as companions in your garden, will season the fruits and vegetables of your labor. Some herbs even improve the flavor or growth rate of their companion vegetables. BASIL: Plant with tomatoes to improve growth and flavor and to repel flies and mosquitoes.
BAY LEAF:A fresh leaf bay leaf in each storage container of beans or grains will deter weevils and moths. BEE BALM (Oswego): Plant with tomatoes to improve growth and flavor. Gutter Gardens Grow Produce Without Taking Up Space.
27 Medicinal Plants Worth Your Garden Space. Playful as kids are, accidents happen.
And the accident that befallen me at 7 years old was the feeling of the hot exhaust pipe of a motorcycle kissing the skin of my leg. Grandma was around and saw it. Immediately, she took out a knife and slice the thick lower part of the aloe vera plant by the garden and rubbed the exposed end on the burn. Looking back, I realized that it was important to have medicinal plants around the house cause you never know when you might need them. So here are a list of plants that have the highest medicinal value compared to the other million species around the world worth planting around the house. Aloe Vera The aloe vera grows only under the sun with well drained dry or moist soil. Woundscutsburnseczemareducing inflammation Apart from its external use on the skin, aloe vera is also taken internally in the treatment of : ulcerative colitis (drinking aloe vera juice)chronic constipationpoor appetitedigestive problems.
Plant companions. Copy and paste the code below: Guide to Growing Vegetables. Some general considerations for growing vegetables: Sowing Tips When sowing seeds, a good general rule of thumb is to sow to a depth of approximately twice the thickness of the seed.
Some smaller seeds require light to germinate and should not be sown too deep; otherwise they may never germinate or break through the surface of the soil. Conversely, large seeds planted too shallow may not develop properly. Keep seeds well-moistened while awaiting germination and check regularly. Select a light-weight, well-drained medium for sowing to ensure good seed to soil contact.
Growing Tips Most vegetables will produce better results if sown and grown in a soil-medium that is well-drained, rich in organic matter (fertile), and fairly lightweight. Most vegetables will prefer good quantities of natural, direct sunlight daily. Harvesting and Seed Saving Many vegetables will be harvested in the fall, especially if grown in lower hardiness zones. Biodynamic Association and Demeter in the UK: Getting started with biodynamic gardening.
By Tom Petherick (This article originally appeared in the Summer 2010 issue of star and Furrow) As biodynamic gardening reaches new audience levels the question arises as to how it is possible to apply its principles and techniques on a home garden/small space basis, particularly if one is starting out for the first time.
Neonflames. Sprout a Couch. Do-it-yourself decorating allows you to customize your home, apartment, condo, or room with DIY accents that transform your space on a budget without completing a full-scale remodel.
Whether you're a beginner or an expert, we guide you… read more Do-it-yourself decorating allows you to customize your home, apartment, condo, or room with DIY accents that transform your space on a budget without completing a full-scale remodel. Whether you're a beginner or an expert, we guide you with instructions, tutorials, and step-by-step photos for indoor and outdoor projects and room makeovers.
We have tips, techniques, and tools to get you started on paint projects, the easiest way to freshen up a space or decor item. DIY Succulent Pallet Table. Max with the new Succulent Table.
Can you believe that our latest DIY project was once just a couple of junky pallets and some scrappy table legs? Crazy…if I didn't have photos, I wouldn't believe it myself. Not too long ago, we whipped out a coffee table sized succulent table out of an old shipping crate. Now we scaled it up. The pallets. First bit of advice, deconstructing pallets are a big pain unless you have the right tools…and our hammer and wall scrapper wasn't quite doing the trick. Couple good planks. Love the scares of time left on these chunks of pallet wood. Attaching the legs. After pulling apart two pallets, we used the 2 x 4 sized boards to make a rectangular frame to attached the appropriated table legs. Dry run for fittings. Like TV magic (and 2 days later), the table was more or less put together. Megan with some semps. After a weekend of slivers and sweat, we finally got to plant this baby. Getting messy. Pooktre Tree Shapers —


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SUSE has announced the existence of kGraft, a mechanism for applying kernel patches without the need to reboot the system. It is similar to ksplice in functionality, but the implementation appears to be rather different and the developers plan to try to get it merged into the mainline kernel.
(Jonathan Corbet via LWN.net)


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Rockfax DescriptionFour pitches. Start on the left-hand side of the waterfall. Climb 3 pitches of easy ground (grade 3) with the last belay under the free-hanging pillar. Start up the pillar on its left-hand side and continue up to belay at a tree. A possible variation is up to the left as indicated on the topo. © ROCKFAX
Photo: Alex Smith on Topp pa Toppen © jhw
View all 3 photos or Submit a new photo of this climb.
45 min walk in became 2 hours due to chest deep snow. Lovely 1st pitch lead by Kev. I lead second. Going slow and belay not brilliant. Kev lead a death traverse over cruddy ice and steep unconsolidated snow to the ice cave. Beautiful ice cave. Abb'd from icicle due to the time of the day... Rope froze to icicle therefore lead to cut ropes and abing on 14m lengths. Back at road by 8pm. Adventurous day..Ally Gillies - 09/Feb/10 with Kev Callaghan
Matt led the pillar!Adi Hooper - AltLd - 16/Feb/08 with Matt Bee
Hidden - AltLd dnf - 20/Feb/07


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Make Sure You Stick to Safe Subjects - Definitely No Politics; THE CHINA CONNECTION
It doesn't matter whether it's Birmingham or Beijing, when it comes to business dealings there is always going to be a point when talk turns from corporate affairs to less pressing matters.
The art of social conversation can, on occasions, be the perfect ice-breaker or an ideal way to finish a meeting on a less serious note.
When dealing in China, however, it is crucial you don't say anything that may offend or upset those you are talking to.
It's best to stick to very safe subjects like family, your home town or your experiences so far in China.
I would say it's probably best in any business dealings, be they home or abroad, to avoid the subject of politics. In the UK, however, you might be able to drop in a joke about Tony Blair or Gordon Brown and pass comment on current affairs.
In China, you would be best to avoid it unless you know the person extremely well.
The Chinese are extremely nervous about having political discussions and it would certainly be advisable not to criticise China or its leaders.
Also, where some jokes in the UK maybe appropriate it is best to tread very carefully in China.
Fairly bland jokes are best but even then they can be lost in translation.
They are, however, much better than anything of a sexual nature as China is still quite a prudish nation. It's also okay to poke fun at yourself slightly.
But again be aware that you do not want to weaken your standing or make light of your company in the eyes of your Chinese counterparts.
So, while not wishing to make it sound like you cannot enjoy light-hearted conversation at all, it is best to err on the side of caution.
Words are not the only thing that might offend.
When the Chinese are providing corporate entertainment, they have several rules and while you won't be expected to remember all of them, they are certainly worth bearing in mind. …


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I often come across as quiet and reserved at first (I like to hope it reads as mysterious and not conceited). I like learning, reading, meeting and talking to awesome, interesting people, my pets, all the animals that I want to be my pets but can't fit in my house, etc.
Though I am a bit of a bookworm I do love being outside (walking the dogs and skiing type of outside, not sun-bathing type of outside.... well you've seen my pictures so you probably have already guessed the anti-sunbathing thing).
Now to get a few things out of the way.
1. I'm poly and have a partner. We are opening up our relationship to meet and date new people. I know this seems like a lot to take in, but if you are open to relationships that might veer from the dating-marriage-kids trajectory give it a try.
2. I've been interested in dating women for pretty much forever but never actually done it. I understand some women aren't up for that so I wanted to be honest.


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Malcolm Stumpf Movies and Career Information
Apr 26, 1991
Apr 26, 1991
Malcolm Stumpf is an actor.
- Malcolm Stumpf Movies before 2014
- Wild Tigers I Have Known 2007
- Next Best Thing 2000
Although updated daily, all theaters, movie show times, and movie listings should be independently verified with the movie theatre.
Contact mrmovietimes.com for information or comments. Please read the mrmovietimes.com Privacy Policy and terms of use. Enjoy the movie!
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|Blurbarian Since
|October 2007
|Christian Memmott
|My Web Site
|My Bio
After growing up on the East Coast, Christian made his way westward and ultimately realized a childhood dream of becoming a Police Pilot.
Christian started flying in 1987. For several years he owned a graphic design studio in Northern California and later became a Police Officer with a busy police department in the Sacramento Valley. There he worked on patrol and in other various assignments. He received a Bachelor of Science Degree in Aviation from Utah Valley University. Later he became a Sheriff's Pilot and Deputy. His official Law Enforcement Aviation Career began with the Butte County Sheriff's Department as a pilot and flight instructor. He was assigned to a narcotics task force flying fixed-wing aircraft during surveillance missions and helicopters for search & rescue, marijuana eradication and other special operations. His stories and experience are endless.
This book is the result of his love for law enforcement and aviation.
|This book is addictive. Read it. (At your own risk.)
|Airborne Law Enforcement ~ A Photographic Essay


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7 Music Lists Found Mentioning Using Sickness as a HeroTitleFact: Metal Is The Best Genre Of Music. The Other Death Metal Rich And Creamy, Just The Way I Like It My 2nd Sputversary! Sputdiss My Gov't Shutdown Soundtrack Lecture On Nicotine & Cannabis
Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


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SALVADOR, Brazil (AP) — Tim Howard kept the ball out of the net with slides, with dives and with leaps.
He couldn't do it forever.
With the United States trying to reach the World Cup quarterfinals for the first time since 2002, he saved 12 of Belgium's shots in regulation to keep the game scoreless.
But Kevin De Bruyne scored in the 93rd minute and Romelu Lukaku in the 105th to build a two-goal lead for the Red Devils, who hung on for a 2-1 win Tuesday that eliminated the Americans in the second round for the second straight World Cup.
Howard tried to sound modest.
"I'm just trying to do all the things that have gotten me here and gotten us here," he said. "That's what I signed up to do — stick my face in front of balls. It's nothing startling."
Howard finished with 16 saves, the most in a World Cup game since FIFA started keeping track in 2002. It was his finest performance in 13 years with the national team.
"For my heart, please don't give me too many games like this," Belgium coach Marc Wilmots said. "He was in a state of grace."
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Set Consistent Punishment Guidelines for NFL Players Who Commit Violence Against Women
Ray Rice, a running back for the NFL's Baltimore Ravens, was just issued a 2 game suspension for hitting his partner in the face so hard he knocked her unconscious.
This is just the most recent example of the NFL's persistent and serious problem with players committing violence against women. Of 32 teams, 21 have players that have been charged at some point with domestic or sexual violence.
What's even more appalling is how the NFL chooses to punish players who commit these crimes. While Rice sits out of the first two games of the 2014 season his teammate, Will Hill, will be suspended for six games for marijuana use. In fact, the NFL consistently hands down stricter punishments for breaking the substance abuse policy than for committing violent crimes against female partners and acquaintances.
Comissioner Roger Goodell has acknowledged the NFL has a domestic violence problem and said it's the responsibility of the NFL "to do some things to combat this problem." One thing the NFL must do is establish consistent, mandatory disciplinary procedures for violations of the league's 'personal conduct policy' similar to the mandatory minimum 4 game suspension players face if they violate the substance abuse policy.
When the NFL doesn't take domestic violence seriously the league is sending a message to its players, its team owners, and its fans they shouldn't either. The NFL is telling women, one in four of which will be a victim of domestic violence, that what happens to them, to quote Ravens head coach John Harbaugh when asked about Rice's actions, is "not that big of a deal."
If the NFL doesn't start taking violence against women seriously now, when will it ever? It's time to hold the NFL accountable for what it does, not what its Commissioner and others say it will do.
Please join me in asking Commissioner Goodell to create consistent, mandatory disciplinary consequences for players who commit domestic violence and sexual assault.
When a player violates the league's drug policy it is mandatory for him to be suspended for a least four games and you have issued entire season bans against players who are found to be using drugs. Yet no such mandatory punishment guidelines exist for players who commit acts of violence against female partners and acquaintances.
You have said that the NFL must take steps to end the scourge of violence against women in your organization and one thing you can and must do is establish consistent, mandatory disciplinary procedures for violations of the league's 'personal conduct policy' similar to the mandatory minimum 4 game suspension players face if they violate the substance abuse policy.
I'm asking you, Mr. Goodell, to stay true to your word to take action to end violence against women in the NFL and institute consistent punishment guidelines for players who commit these horrific crimes.


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The Style Gallery is a great new way for you to view, love, and share outfit photos. It's meant to showcase
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An air of excitement washes over you as you slip into this exquisite organza dress by Erin Fetherston! Distinguished by floral embroidery and embellished with delicate appliqués to match, this pale pink midi - which boasts a neatly bow-topped black waistline - is completely captivating and worthy of every smile you receive throughout the night. Found in specialty boutiques worldwide, Erin Fetherston's eponymous line exudes romance, whimsy, and femininity.
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